Summary: “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” – Winnie the Pooh. Use this quote in a story of no more than 600 words.
Rating: G, Word Count: 2658
God only knows the struggle it’s been to finally make this decision. One would think that my father and brothers would be happy to see me go with all the tension my presence has caused them over the past few years. Yet, I see the hurt and regret, maybe even guilt, in their eyes, especially Pa and Joe. I would have thought that Pa would have a better understanding given it was his dreaming that got us to the Ponderosa in the first place, but it seems like Hoss is the one that gets it. Or maybe it’s just his easy temperament that loves with abandon and wants everyone to be happy. All I know is that now, when I’m about to get on the stage and head to San Francisco, there is a twinge in my heart that I haven’t felt in a while. Amazing what you can rationalize when you feel cheated. I cheated myself, when I came back after graduating from school, like I knew I would. I could have stayed in Boston and established myself, but I had a promise to keep. And I kept it, came back, and stayed longer than I should have. Looking back, it was my waffling and indecision that caused a lot of the problems. If you refuse to pull the burr from under the saddle, the irritation remains, and so do ill tempers.Though it was unnecessary, Adam reined up Sport and dismounted to the side of the road. He had said his goodbyes at the ranch and told his family to pick up Sport the next time one of them was in town. The last thing Adam wanted was a scene at the stage office, and it felt unfair to put any of them in an awkward situation where they might feel obligated to do or say something that wasn’t genuine.A lump rose in his throat as Adam looked back down the road he had just traveled. He knew from his experience in architecture the importance of having the right perspective. Suddenly things looked much different than they had just a few days ago. He was overcome with a sense of gratitude and thought, how lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. Adam patted his horse in response to that feeling and acknowledging just how much he would miss his spirited, faithful mount, this land, and his family.
“Pa, in this world, there’s so much that’s no good that I want to say that when I’m done passing through, I’ve added some good and not done nothing to add to the misery any folks feel. Ifn I cain’t do good, then I guess I shouldn’t do nothing at all.”
“Hoss, don’t you think sometimes hard choices force us to do things that otherwise we would rather not do?”
“I guess maybe that could happen, but seems to me ifn we tried harder, we could always have found a better way, one that woulda done no harm, dontcha think?”
“I don’t know. I’m remembering those sheepherders who took Adam hostage. I know I didn’t handle that well, but, honestly, even if I had gotten the sheriff, that bunch was trouble. Maybe they would have hurt Roy if he had gone out there to try to move them on.”
“Pa, we had more than a hundred men working for us at the time. Ifn we had shown up with a force to be reckoned with, they woulda moved on peacefully especially if you had given permission for them to take that shortcut across our land.”
Bristling at that, Ben wanted to retort quickly but forced himself to hold back and think about it. He knew that some of his neighbors had turned to raising sheep on their rougher pastures especially at the higher elevations and had found that it was a myth that they destroyed the grass. As long as they were moved to where there was enough to eat, they did eat the grass lower than what cows did, but his neighbors had found that they could move sheep into a pasture that cows had already grazed and the sheep could graze successfully. When he finally responded, he noted the small smile Hoss couldn’t hold back. “Yes, you’re probably right about that.”
“Yeah, it can be hard to see things straight when we’re mad. Happened to me too. Ifn I’d a talked to Adam before I hit him instead of the day after, I woulda known what happened with Regan. I still wouldn’t have liked him interfering like he did, but I woulda understood what happened.”
“You’re a very forgiving man, Hoss.”
“It’s what we’re supposed to do, ain’t it, Pa? Ifn we want it from folks, we gotta give it to ‘em too. I shur would hate it ifn people held every little thing I ever did wrong against me. I try to forgive and forget ‘cept the forgettin’ can be a mite hard at times.”
“I can understand that. You would have to be a saint to forget all the wrongs that have been done to you.”
“They all make us what we are, don’t they, Pa? I wouldn’t be who I am without all that’s happened. I guess I learned something from each and every one of them.”
“Yes, you did, Hoss. Yes, you did.” Ben put his hand on the large pine box and dropped his head as the memory of his blue-eyed son with the infectious smile and booming laugh filled his heart. He had been reliving each and every conversation he could remember having with Hoss wanting to imprint them on his mind so he could never forget. He had done this three times before with his wives, but it was so much harder to bury a son. Yet the same thought was there. How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. I have the love of a son gone too soon. The tears came then.
A Time to Heal
On a warm, sunny summer day, two horsemen rode through Ponderosa pines and out into a flower-filled meadow. The chestnut and buckskin toss their heads, indicating they were enjoying the ride as much as their masters.
Ben looked over at his seventeen year old son, pleased to see color on his face and a smile in his eyes. After Marie’s death, Ben had been so devastated that he’d abandoned his sons for his grief. Now he was back and taking a promised ride with his eldest son, a day just for them.*
They’d been riding for while when Ben suggested they take a break and enjoy the lunch their new cook, and friend, Hop Sing* had prepared for them.
As father and son ate, they shared their memories of Marie, letting their hearts heal. Ben noticed how quiet Adam had gotten. He waited, watching a deer cross the meadow. Finally Adam spoke.
“I know I didn’t welcome Marie when she came and for a long time after. I cheated myself of her love, like I knew I would but at the time I didn’t care. That first Christmas was when I realized she loved me anyway. We talked a lot that night and…. worked things out.”
Adam voice drifted off as he recalled her patience and gentle words that night.
Ben remembered the change in both his son and his wife that Christmas. He took it as an answer to prayer. Standing and stretching he spoke quietly, “How about we ride some more, son?”
Together they slowly made their way to the lake as the sun began to slide toward the mountains.
After watching a few waterfowl dive for fish they headed up to the place where Marie rested.
Tears were openly shed as Ben asked forgiveness for burying himself in his grief. Adam freely gave it then moved to sit by the grave. After remaining silent for a good while Adam touched his forehead to the cold stone and whispered to her, “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. I love you Marie. I always will.”
As the sun slipped behind the gray mountains, a breeze stirred. A hand gently rested on Adam’s shoulder, solidifying the bond between father and son in that moment. Once the sun was gone Adam stood and rested his arm on his father’s shoulders. Ben reciprocated the gesture.
“It’s time to go home, Pa.”
Adam pushed the cattle on ignoring the sounds of the ranch hands who were whistling and making noises at the cattle. His thoughts were on Emma. He missed her. They had only been married two months and this was the first time they had been apart for a long time.
“Adam.” Hoss called out. Adam turned to his brother.
“Yeah?” He responded gruffly.
“Are you all right? You seem distant.”
“I’m fine.” Hoss nodded but didn’t believe his older brother.
“Let’s get these cattle grazing and bedded down for the night,” Adam said looking at the sunset. Hoss nodded again and went to do as his brother said. Adam helped get the cattle together and set up camp.
Adam had first watch of the night. He walked around the camp and started thinking about Emma. He ached for her.
Ben was to have gone on the cattle drive but had gotten into an accident and broke his leg. Emma told Adam to go and she’d take care of Ben. They had talked about it at home that night.
“I’ll miss you. This will be the first time since being married we’ll be apart for so long,” Adam said.
“I’ll miss you, too but this cattle drive is important and needs to be done.” Emma snuggled up to Adam.
He held her tight and breathed her in. She smelled of lavender.
Adam heard a twig snap and swung his gun on the noise. It was Hoss. “Sorry, Adam, I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m here to relieve you.”
Adam lowered his gun
“You all right?” Hoss asked.
“Fine.” Adam replied.
“You miss Emma, don’t you?”
Adam turned and looked at Hoss.
“Of course I do. This is the first time we’ve been apart. If Pa hadn’t hurt himself I’d be home and he’d be here. We’ve only been married two months. It’s hard to be away.” Adam tried to not raise his voice at his brother.
“I know it is.” Hoss said softly.
Adam sighed. “I’m sorry, Hoss.” He patted his brother’s shoulder and walked away.
The first week after the boys left, Emma spent the day at the store then helped with Ben at night. Hop Sing cared for Ben while Emma was away. Ben noticed Emma became tired as time went on because she was too busy. He suggested closing the store while she took care of him. At first Emma argued because it kept her from missing
Adam, but then realized he was right and she closed the store.
She was lonely for Adam. When she wasn’t busy helping Ben, she’d be thinking of Adam. She would cry at night with the ache of missing him. Emma hoped that when Adam would help with the cattle drives in the future that it would be easier to let him go.
The cattle drive had finally ended and they were all heading home. Adam was anxious to get home. It had felt like ages until they got home. The Ponderosa loomed before them and Adam sped to the house.
“Emma! Emma!” he called out.
Emma heard Adam’s voice and ran outside.
“Adam!” she squealed and ran to his outstretched arms.
He caught her and spun her around. “It’s so good to see you. You are so beautiful. How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard,” Adam said and kissed her.
“I feel lucky too. I love you, Adam.” Emma whispered in his ear as she hugged him tight.
“You should see him, Elizabeth. Of course, you do see him. I know you do. It’s just that he’s growing so quickly. He still seems so tiny and fragile in my hands but when he smiles at me, I see the wisdom of Solomon in his eyes. I wish I could ask him what he’s thinking about, but I’m pretty sure he’s smarter than me.”Ben adjusted his position on the grass. The ground still retained some of the moisture from the previous day’s rain which left him with dampened pants. But the sky was a vivid blue, the clouds danced in the light breeze, and the sun was warm on his back. Using his finger, he traced the name on the tombstone, Elizabeth Stoddard Cartwright. A tear ran down his cheek. This might be the last visit he could make to the graveyard before leaving Boston. He ran his hand over the velvety softness of the pansies he had planted. Elizabeth’s favorite flower. He’d been making a mental list he could share with Adam about his mother until the two of them were able to return for a visit.“I’m not as good at this as you would be. In fact, I’m certain I do everything wrong. I know I hold him wrong. I might even feed him wrong, but your father and I muddle through. Abel has truly risen to the occasion. You would be so proud of him. He has appointed himself honorary spit-up cleaner. He feels it’s more dignified than changing diapers. When you grow up on a farm, you don’t think much about it. But, for a city boy who went to sea, diapers must be terrifying.” Ben chuckled.“Darling, we’re leaving next week. It’s time to start off in search of our dream. I hired Mrs. Callahan to come along with us until Adam is old enough to….”
Old enough to what? He knew nothing about babies. Not really. It was remarkable that Mrs. Callahan was tagging along with him on this adventure. His plans seemed as insubstantial as onion skin. How long would it take them to go west? Probably a year. Would his money hold out? What would happen if it didn’t? Anxiety descended upon him.
Was it possible that he was the biggest fool in Boston? Here he was with his own business, a father-in-law who gladly shared responsibility for his son, a fine woman like Mrs. Callahan, Elizabeth’s friends who assisted when needed, and a late wife he still felt deeply connected to. Why was he leaving all this? To seek out a dream that suddenly seemed shallow and childish when he compared it to what he would surely lose. Saying good-bye to Elizabeth and Abel now was wrong. His life was here. His dreams would wait until Adam was old enough to travel.
But in his heart, he knew if he waited for Adam to be older, then it would become a question of how much older, and going west would be repeatedly postponed until it would never happen. Therefore, the decision must be made right now with finality, without panic.
He looked up. “Elizabeth, what should I do?”
There was a breath of air and calmness swept over him, erasing all doubt. He was grateful to those he loved who were so much a part of his life. Yet, it was time for him to stop worrying and begin moving forward. No matter how difficult, he must say good-bye to all of them. ‘How lucky I am,’ he mused, ‘to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.’
