Summary: A photo of Ben with his hands clasped while sitting at an empty table. What is Ben thinking? Is he troubled or thankful? What’s happened in his life that’s brought him to this point?
Rating: G, Word Count: 2576
Ben sat, staring at the empty breakfast table. The silence during the meal had been overwhelming. Jamie and he had talked briefly, but then the boy had left early for school. Lately, Ben feared Jamie was coping by excusing himself for chores or school.Candy’s place was empty. More and more, he was eating in the bunkhouse with the men. Ben understood it was to help Candy’s friend Griff and the other hands adjust to each other. Griff was still very reserved, not trusting easily.
Hoss’s place, well, that was permanently empty. And with that loss, the house and Ben’s heart felt empty. There was, as Hoss would have said, a Hoss-sized hole in their hearts. Ben didn’t know if his own heart could weather another loss.
Staring at the empty place across from him, he knew it was his own fault that it had remained empty for seven long years. How many times had he wondered why he couldn’t have accommodated Adam’s suggestions for modernizing the Ponderosa? To his chagrin, he realized it was his own stubbornness that had prevented him from accepting Adam’s ideas. And, he feared, in turn lost his eldest son’s presence forever.
His gaze moved to Joe’s plate. After Adam had left, Joe had stepped up to help with the business aspects of the ranch. The loss of Hoss, followed too soon by the cruel dual murders of Alice and her unborn child had threatened to throw Joe into melancholia, according to Paul. He’d climbed out of that abyss after he and Candy had confronted Alice’s murderers.
Sadly, his ordeal in the desert at the hands of an evil man had combined with his grief to leave a shell of the man his son once was. His most vocal son had withdrawn into himself. Joe’s plate remained full of food. Lately he didn’t eat enough to feed a child, let alone a full-grown man. His laughter had ended the day Alice died, and Ben feared he was watching the slow death of Marie’s son. And he had no idea what to do about it.
Lo, I am with you, always, even unto the end of the world.
Ben heard that verse from Matthew in his heart. His thoughts turned to His Lord. Yes, He knew the loss of a child. Ben grabbed onto that promise that He was with him. He prayed harder than he ever had. He started by giving thanks for each of his wives, and the gifts of their sons. Then, he thanked Him for bringing the son of his heart, Jamie, into the family. He prayed his sons would each get the help they needed. He didn’t know how, just turned everything over to Him. And peace filled Ben’s heart as his silent tears fell while he poured out his pain and surrendered the care of his sons to Him.
Two evenings later, as Candy and Jamie were playing checkers and Joe was staring at the fire, Ben sat at his desk trying to work. Standing and walking to refill his coffee cup, he opened the door after hearing a horse and rider. “Jumping Jehoshaphat!” he exclaimed before bolting outside. His laughter, which no one had heard in months, was infectious as he greeted his eldest son.
One year later, Ben again sat around the empty breakfast table. This time, there’d been laughter and teasing from everyone, and all ate heartily. As he had each day since Adam’s return, Ben thanked The Lord for his answered prayer.
****
Note: This is a story of Ben’s POV in “Lesson of Family.”
The Bible verse is the last part of Matthew 28:20, King James Version.
I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and he delivered me from all my fears. As Ben sat at the table and stared at the plate of food there hastily abandoned, he wondered if he could ever summon enough faith to be delivered of all his fears. They had received a partial message from Roy that a son was in dire straits. Joe had rushed to his horse to ride to where Hoss was to find out if he needed his help. Candy had done the same for Jamie. Both had told Ben to wait because they could ride faster without him. He knew that to be true so all he could do was sit, wait, and pray. He hoped it wouldn’t be too long. Terrible storms had blown across the mountains from California washing out roads and bridges. It was why the message from Roy was so incomplete. It had been passed by word-of-mouth and by the time it got to Ben and Joe, it was woefully incomplete. It also meant that the stage that Hoss was riding and the freight wagons Jamie was with coming from the north could both be in trouble.
Two sleepless nights and two worry plagued days with Hop Sing nagging him to eat left Ben tired, on edge, and unable to concentrate on anything. When he heard horses in the yard, he rushed outside overjoyed to see Candy arrive with Jamie. The young man slid from his horse and rushed to his father’s arms.
“Pa, it was rough going, but we were never in any danger. Candy thought I should come prove it to you though.”
Looking up at the foreman, Ben smiled, but his expression held a tinge of concern. Candy saw it.
“Joe isn’t back yet?”
“No.”
The three of them got to worry together then for another full day until the scene was re-enacted. Joe and Hoss rode in looking like they had been through hell, but both were unscathed physically. Ben was overjoyed, but couldn’t imagine why his sons looked so forlorn.
“Come on now. The message must have been mistaken. You’re all here now, safe and sound.”
“Pa, we ain’t all here safe and sound.”
“Of course you are, all of you.” Then Ben stopped speaking for a moment. “No!”
“We came through town, Pa. Roy was able to give us the whole story now. Adam’s ship was lost in the storms off California. They couldn’t find any survivors.”
“While you was prayin’ for us, Pa, it was Adam needin’ our prayers.”
“I pray for all of you every day. I only prayed harder thinking there was a need.”
It was a somber group that night thankful that Hoss and Jamie were safe and mourning the loss of the one they had not thought was in danger.
Many miles away in Tillamook, fishermen helped a man found on the beach. One man brought him into his home.
“Martha, found a man washed up on the beach. He tells a fantastic story. Says he was shipwrecked, floating in the ocean with only a piece of flotsam to hang onto when a dolphin comes and pushes him toward shore. He survived the sharks, the cold, and the sea itself.”
“Somebody musta been praying mighty fierce for this one. Well, let’s get him dried off and into a warm bed. He must have a family somewhere worried sick about him. He got a name?”
“Said his name was Adam afore he passed out.”
“Well, Adam, we’ll get you fixed up and on your way in no time, God willing.”
Ben sat at the table, hands clasped in prayer. A snow storm had started blowing outside. His boys had been gone hunting the past two days. They were to have been back before the storm hit, which was to have come the next week from what Ben had heard. The storm came early. He prayed his boys would come home safely.
Adam, Hoss and Joe were huddled in a mine they had found on their way hunting.
“How’s your ankle, Adam?” Hoss asked.
“It’s all right.” Adam replied gritting his teeth as pain shot through his leg.
He had been following a deer and tripped over a deep hole, breaking his ankle. When he fell his gun went off. Hoss heard the shot and found Adam lying on the ground holding his leg, suppressing a scream. The snow was starting to fall as Hoss was wrapping Adam’s ankle. He carefully picked Adam up and carried him to his horse.
Joe had found his brothers. “What happened?” Joe asked.
“I tripped over a hole.” Adam replied through grit teeth. Joe looked up at the falling snow.
“I saw an old mine shaft back a ways. Let’s get in there before the snow comes down harder.” Joe advised.
Hoss nodded, getting up on Chubb while holding onto Sport’s reigns. Joe was in the lead as they carefully made their way to the mine shaft.
They arrived at the mine and Hoss helped Adam inside while Joe took care of the horses and put his deer in the shaft. The shaft was wide enough for their horses to be inside. Joe was afraid they’d somehow get loose and run off. He gathered their bedding, set them by Hoss and went to find wood for a fire. Hoss took care of Adam and kept apologizing when he’d hear Adam grunt in pain.
“I wish I had somethin’ for ya.” Hoss said.
“It’s all right.” Adam mumbled then fell asleep. The wind howled which made it sound a lot worse echoing in the
mine. Joe found wood and started a fire.
The next day, the storm was over. Joe was the first to wake up. He quietly got up to check on the horses and the weather. It was still and quiet as he looked around him. He smiled to himself then turned back to his brothers.
“Hoss, the storm is over! We can go home.” Joe said gently shaking his brother. Hoss woke up and looked outside.
“Let’s get Adam situated and go home.” Hoss said. He gently woke Adam up and helped take care of him. He checked his ankle making sure it didn’t move much.
Ben walked down the stairs making his way to the front door to check on the weather. He looked at the snow covered front yard. He went to shut the door but then saw a horse coming around the side of the barn. He put on his coat and hat and ran out to greet his boys. He smiled but then it fell as he saw two of his boys.
“Hoss, what happened? Where’s Joe?”
Hoss got off his horse. “Joe went to get the doc and bring him here. Adam broke his ankle while we were hunting.”
Hoss carefully helped Adam off his horse and carried him in the house taking him to his room.
Paul had taken care of Adam and gave him something for the pain. Hoss and Joe went to get something to eat while Ben stayed by Adam’s side. Ben turned again to prayer thanking God for bringing his sons safely home.
Giving Thanks
I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve found myself in this position, elbows on the table, hands clasped tightly as I pray fervently for the ones dearest to me. If I’ve learned one thing as a father, it’s not to take prayer lightly. The things my boys have put me through is not for the faint of heart.
One of the worst times was when my oldest and youngest took opposite sides of the Civil War. I know they loved each other but it about tore my heart out to see them fighting with disdain in their eyes and their words. In the end, their brotherly bonds held them together but I’m certain I never prayed so hard in my life.
Then there were those times I thought I would lose each of my sons – Hoss shot in the back by a vengeful killer, Adam down with a bad fever and the doctor telling me it was in God’s hands as we waited through the night, and Joe, well, my youngest had me on my knees so many times I know I’ve got worn places in the boards by my bed as well as his.
Tonight however is different. Yes, I’m worried, but I have so much to be thankful for as Christmas day draws to a close. Hoss has found a young woman who has stolen his heart, Joe got married a few months ago after a whirlwind romance, and it’s been just over a year now since Adam returned home with his wife and four children, my grandchildren. This past summer he announced that they would be staying for the foreseeable future. How much more could I have asked for than to hear those words from my eldest? The hour is late now on this Christmas night and once again I find myself in this familiar position at the table. Yet this time I’m about to receive the best gift a father could ever wish for.
Drawn from my musings and prayerful thoughts at the sound of a familiar squeaky floorboard, I look up to see Adam standing on the landing. Along with his tousled hair and untucked shirt, I see relief and joy in my son’s tawny eyes.
“Pa? Would you like to come upstairs and meet your granddaughter?”
Forgive me, Lord, if I was too harsh. I thought I knew something about boys by now after raising three of my own. I must have misjudged Jamie. Thought I knew what he needed — wanted. I know he’s had a rough go of it, and I felt that we had something to offer him — stability — security. But maybe it’s just my own frustration and misplaced affections — missing Adam and waiting years for the grandchildren that have never come. Who knows? But you know. You can persuade him to return, if that’s what you want for him — for us. Keep him safe, if not with us, please help him to find someone else to take him in. May your will be done. Amen.
Ben sat for a time with his head resting on his hands. It was getting late, and he should have been heading off to bed but knew that sleep would be a long time coming. He went to his desk and tried to do some work. Thinking he had heard something, Ben hurried to the door. Sadly, he found no one. But then he heard a noise and ran to the kitchen only to find Hop Sing was who also up later than usual hoping that Jamie would return.
Dejected, Ben jammed his hands into his pockets and walked toward the stairs. Just before he reached the landing, he heard the unmistakable sound of someone sawing wood. His heart soared to see Jamie hard at work with the saw in his hands. Quietly he walked out onto the porch and acted as if nothing out of the ordinary had transpired and told Jamie that his dinner was in the warmer whenever he was ready. He turned for the door, but paused to look back at the red-headed orphan. Ben breathed a prayer of thanksgiving and went to bed with his heart filled with hope.
