Summary: Joe has a hard go of it with some ranch hands. Can Adam help him through it before they do some serious damage?
Rated T  Word count: 11,127

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Trials and Tribulations

 

Little Joe tried to avoid his oldest brother as he got home that night. It was nearly midnight and he knew Adam wouldn’t approve that he was coming home so late. With Pa and Hoss up in Oregon Territory for the last few weeks, and Hop Sing visiting numbers 3 through 6 cousins in San Francisco until the end of this week, the two of them were supposed to be taking care of both the timber sale and resupplying the line shacks for the winter. Joe had only 3 more line shacks to do, and debated just staying out there overnight, but he’d promised Adam he would be home today. He could just do the last few in the next coming days. 

 

Surprisingly though, there was no chastisement forthcoming. Adam looked up from where he sat next to the fire with a book in his hand. “Joe, I figured you’d be back tomorrow when I didn’t see you earlier.”

 

“Well, I didn’t get them all done, but I will in the next few days, don’t worry. I’m just gonna head up to bed, Adam. I’ll see you in the morning.”

 

“Wait a minute, Joe. Can I talk to you for just a bit?”

 

Joe closed his eyes briefly. He had hoped to avoid this. That’s why he had volunteered for the line shacks in the first place. But big brother Adam just couldn’t leave well enough alone. He tapped the newel post twice before turning away from the stairs and joining his brother at the fireplace. Joe sat down on the table in front of the fire, balancing his elbows on his knees and his chin on his hands as he stared into the flames. 

 

“Joe, what’s going on with you lately?”

 

“Nothing, Adam. I’m just… tired I guess.”

 

“Tired that a good night’s sleep will help? Or bone weary so that you barely have any light left in your eyes.”

 

“I dunno, Adam. I just…. Maybe it’s because of the cold weather and not much sun. It is November afterall. But even when I do sleep, it doesn’t seem to help much. I wake up just as tired as when I went to bed.” 

 

They sat in silence for a few moments, Adam knowing that his little brother wasn’t done speaking and just had to gather some thoughts first. 

 

“It’s just….. What’s the point? Of any of it?”

 

Adam reached out and squeezed Joe’s left shoulder. “Does there have to be one?”

“Well if there isn’t a point, why am I even still alive? I’m tired of it all. I’m tired of working; tired of being in Virginia City; tired of being on the ranch… I’m just tired of BEING!”

 

“You’re not saying that you want to die… are you?”

 

“Not exactly. I don’t want to kill myself or anything, but …” Joe looked away from Adam, ashamed of his next admission. 

 

“But?” 

 

“But I just don’t want to be alive anymore?… That made more sense in my mind. I’m not saying that I will go out to the barn and shoot myself or anything. It’s more…. If something were to happen, I’d be ok with it?”

 

“Joe, that…. is really concerning.” Adam made his younger brother face him. The hazel eyes that looked back at him were devoid of their normal radiance. “Can you tell me how long you have felt this way?” he whispered.

 

Joe shook his head, “I guess it’s been building for a while. I don’t do anything right. I don’t pull my weight around here. I don’t-”

 

“Hold it. Who says you don’t pull your weight around here? You’re out there just like the rest of us on the drives. You’re the one in charge of the remuda for crying out loud. How is that not pulling your weight?”

 

“Yeah I know I am, but Adam, that’s just assigning horses to hands. It’s not like planning timber stands for 50 years in the future like you do or choosing which calves to breed or which to castrate and raise for beef like Hoss does. Anyway, the hands all…”

 

“The hands all what?”

 

“It’s nothing. Can I go to bed now?”

 

“Sure. Tell you what, why don’t you take the day off tomorrow? I won’t wake you. Sleep as long as you’d like.”

 

Joe nodded as he turned away to walk slowly up the stairs to his room. Adam watched him go, worried about his youngest brother, and not sure what to do about it.

 

*********

 

Joe sighed as he woke up the next morning. Light streamed through the window and he could hear movement in the bunkhouse. Apparently Adam had kept his word and not woken him. Joe found his normal exuberance still lacking as he rolled over and stared at the wall. Heaving another sigh, he tried to find the motivation to meet the day. Adam had given him the day off. Which meant he had no reason to get up. At least when he was working, he had some sort of direction and objective to work toward. At some point, he’d either get hungry or have to visit the necessaries, but until then Joe decided he’d just stay out of everyone’s way and keep to himself in his room.

 

*********

 

Adam wasn’t proud of what he was about to do. But it needed to be done. Last night Joe had started to say something about the hands they had in their employ but had cut himself off. Adam knew that he wouldn’t get any further information from Joe, but he might be able to feel out any problems from the hands themselves. The problem was that he couldn’t just outright ask them; they’d just deny anything. So he’d taken aside one of the men who had worked for them for years and explained what he was planning on doing. 

 

“Now I don’t know if I can do that, sir. I like Little Joe. He’s not one of them boss’s sons that will toss orders and refuse to do the work hisself. He’s always right there with the rest of us.”

 

“No, I know that Jack. That’s precisely WHY I need you to do this for me. 

 

“Well what’re we looking for?”

 

“I’m not sure, to be honest. I just have a feeling that some of the hands might be causing some problems.”

 

“Didja ask Little Joe about it?”

 

“Jack, have you ever known him to admit when there’s something wrong? Of course I asked him. He clammed up. Whatever it is, he thinks he can deal with it himself. Now, I’m sure he could! But I’m also worried that he’s gonna be hurt. And that’s what I want to stop. Sides, there’s nothing wrong with just gathering some information, is there? Now saddle up, we’ll meet the rest of the crew down by the branding corrals.”

 

********

 

“Blast it all!” Jack yelled after another calf got away from him. “We’re knee deep in mud trying finish all the branding and that Cartwright runt doesn’t even bother showing up today to help us.” He felt a bit guilty badmouthing his friend, but figured this would be the easiest way to filter out if anyone felt that way.

 

“What’s that Jack? I thought you liked the kid?”

 

“Shoot no. I just don’t want to be on the bad side of his daddy!” Five other hands laughed at that before they agreed. 

 

“It wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t pretend to know everything all the time. Did you know last week, he outright refused to let me ride Ace? Made me take that mare Trinket instead.” Chuck shook his head.

 

“Yeah, but wasn’t that the day you got caught in the land slip? I tell you what, it was a good thing that Trinket was so sure footed that day!”

 

“Shut up, Beau! He didn’t know that would happen when he assigned me that dumb mare!”

 

“Well maybe not, but he sure knew that it had been raining a lot and you were going into some unstable terrain. We all know that Ace will fall over his own hooves walking on a flat surface.”

 

“Whose side are you on, anyway, kid?” Clayton backed up his friend Chuck and faced off against Beau.

 

“Hey cool it. I’m not on anyone’s side. I’m just saying that he does know what he’s talking about. He’s not dumb. Like last month. I was supposed to ride the mare Bitsy. But Joe told me to take that bay gelding Jasper instead. Turns out the horses we went to bring back that day, not all of them were gelded. And Bitsy went into heat while we were out. Imagine riding an in-heat mare to try and wrangle a string with stallions in it.”

 

“Just another coincidence! He’s not nearly as smart as he thinks he is. And anyway-”

 

“Quiet, Chuck! Here comes Mr. Adam.” 

 

Adam rode up and dismounted to join the group of cowhands. He looked around and frowned, “Have any of you seen Joe today? I thought he’d be here.”

 

“No sir. He didn’t show up down here. Maybe he had somethin better to do with his time.” Jack continued playing his role.

 

Adam raised one eyebrow, “Watch your mouth, Jack. He may… get distracted… from time to time, but he’s still my brother.”

 

“Get distracted? The kid has never done a full day’s work in his life!” Beau turned to glare at Chuck after hearing that statement. “Chuck, what do you have against Joe? From what I can tell, he’s willing to do anything he asks of us and more often than not is the first one to volunteer to get things done! So what if he didn’t join us down here today, he probably had a good reason!”

 

Chuck was ready to throw down when Adam intervened. “Alright enough! Jack! Beau! You two come with me. We’ve got to get the supplies up to the timber crews. The rest of you, carry on. Looks like you’re almost done.” The two singled out men went to their horses before tightening the cinches and mounting to follow Adam.

 

********

 

“I’m telling ya, them boys are just plain mean!”

“Ok so we know they don’t like Joe. But did you find out why?”

 

“Not yet, no. I’ll keep trying.”

 

“Good man.”

 

“Mr. Adam?” Beau nudged his mount up even with the other two men. “Where is Little Joe today? I’d like to talk to him about some things.”

 

Adam glanced at Jack and after receiving a nod, replied to Beau, “He’s up at the house. I gave him the day off.”

 

“Well if you knew where he was, why’d you come to ask the crew that?” 

 

“Jack and I are trying to figure out what’s going on between Joe and some of the hands. He won’t talk to me about it, so I’m trying some other ways of getting information. You’re more than welcome to try to talk to him, but I dunno how much he’ll talk back right now. We do need to get those supplies up to the timber camp though. How about you stop by the main house after that?”

 

********

 

Adam had seen Jack and Beau off to the timber camp with a buckboard full of supplies before walking into the house to find his brother. He was mildly surprised, but not as much as he would have been before last night’s conversation, to find his youngest sibling’s door still closed.

 

“Joe, can I come in?” Adam knocked on the door lightly, opening it when he received an affirmative answer from his younger brother. Joe was lying on his side facing away from the door.

 

“Feeling any better today, little brother?”

 

“What do you want me to say, Adam? I’m sorry I’m a disappointment to you.”

 

“Dissa- Joe, you’re not a disappointment! Why would you think that you are?”

 

“Kinda thought that’s what everyone thought about me.”

 

Adam sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. “Listen Joe. Sometime’s the world is just too much. And that’s ok. It’s how you deal with it and get through it that matters.”

 

“That’s easy for you to say.” Joe grumbled back.

 

“It’s easy for me to say because I understand.” That got Joe’s attention. He rolled onto his back and scooted up the bed to lean against the headboard, looking at his brother questioningly.

 

Adam leveled him with an unreadable look for a moment then rolled up his left sleeve to the elbow and held out his arm to show a thin white line that traveled slightly diagonally from wrist to elbow. “Do you remember how I got this scar?”

 

Joe shook his head. 

 

“I didn’t think you did. You were pretty young at the time. You had just turned 6. I was 17. It was only 8 months after Marie had died. Pa had withdrawn so much that I was in charge not only of running the ranch, but also raising both you and Hoss. It was too much to ask of a 17 year old. I wasn’t a kid anymore, but wasn’t yet a man either, and I spiraled. I felt that I had absolutely no control over my life. It was all just too much. The hands at the time didn’t think I was worth listening to. Miss Drury at the school looked at me in disdain every time I came to discuss why Hoss wasn’t doing well in his lessons. People in town only had pity for me, trying to hold a family together that had lost their wife and mother. So I did the only thing I thought I could do. I punished myself.”

 

“Adam….”

 

“Looking back, I know it was dumb, Joe.”

 

“Adam you coulda killed yourself doing this!”

 

“I didn’t actually mean for it to be this bad. It started as just the idea. Like I deserved to be punished for how much I was failing at everything that had been thrown at me. Then I gradually took some solace in the feeling that if I punished myself, then at least I would have control over something in my life. So every so often, I would use a pocket knife and just prick myself, like a reminder. One day though, there was a really bad storm. Actually a lot like the one that rolled through last week and brought all that rain with it. I was in the barn. I told people that I was sharpening the pitchforks and the axes. But in reality, I was sitting there with my pocket knife. Just taking some control back from the calamity that my life had become. Lightning struck so close by that I could smell it. The accompanying thunder spooked the horses and me terribly. And the knife slipped. It ran all the way from my wrist to my elbow, slicing deep enough that I could see the bone in my wrist, and each time my heart beat, blood pulsed out in rhythm.”

 

Adam looked up at his brother’s face. Joe’s eyes were wide as dinner plates and his face had paled. He didn’t like scaring Joe like this, but he had to get the message across that A, yes he really did understand and B, Joe couldn’t go this far off the deep end before asking for help. 

 

“How did you survive that, Adam?” Joe’s voice was hoarse and his words whispered.

 

“Pure serendipity. Luck, Joe. The doctor was out seeing after one of the hands who had been hurt earlier that day. I stumbled through the door to the bunkhouse and fell over. I never did tell anyone that it was my own knife by my own hand. I did tell them about the lightning and thunder and the spooked horses, but they all just assumed the cut was from one of the axes I was supposed to have been sharpening. Joe, do you understand why I told you all of this?”

 

Joe reached out and traced the scar. “So that I can find some way to put my life back on track before it spirals out of control like yours did?”

 

“That’s right Joe. And so that you know you can talk to me about anything. If you need advice. If you need to run ideas past someone. If you just need to vent. Please, come to me. Go to someone! You’re my little brother. And I don’t want to see what happened to me, happen to you.”

 

Joe nodded. Then clasped Adam’s upper arm and nodded again with the ghost of a smile.

 

********

 

Six PM and sunset had come and gone. Joe had finally worked up the energy to make his way down stairs. He sat at the table pushing some potatoes around his plate wondering when Adam would be returning. He looked up as a knock sounded on the door.  Wondering who it was, Joe stood and walked to answer the door. Upon opening it, he was surprised to see their hand Beau on the other side of it. 

 

“Beau, what’s wrong? Are you ok?”

 

“Oh I’m fine. I just wanted to speak with you is all. Mr. Adam said that you’d be available in the evening.”

 

“Sure. What can I do for you?”

 

“I just wanted to talk to you about some of the other hands. Chuck and Clayton. And a few others.”

 

Joe’s half-smile dropped at the mention of those names. His gaze flicked nervously around and spoke a bit louder than necessary, “Chuck and Clayton are good hands, Beau, I’ve got nothing against either one of them. I’ll see you in the morning.” He dropped his voice lower and murmured, “Thirty minutes. Go in the side door. Meet me in the kitchen,” before closing the door leaving Beau standing confused on the step. 

 

He blinked a few times before turning away from the main entrance. What was that about? Then he saw brief movement and the door to the bunkhouse closed fully from where it had been cracked open. He wondered if someone was spying on their conversation and for what purpose. Deciding where to spend the next half hour before going back in secret to meet with Joe, he made his way over to the corral and watched the horses milling about. Turning when he heard footsteps approach him, Beau wasn’t entirely surprised to find Tucker approaching him. Tucker held both Chuck and Clayton in high regard and had started copying their behaviour toward the youngest Cartwright. 

 

“What were you doing talking to that half-wit?” Tucker grinned at his own insult. 

 

Beau frowned but didn’t take the bait. “Nothin. Just trying to see if I have to work with him tomorrow.” He decided to copy Jack and play along. “Hoping that I can be with you and Clayton tomorrow instead.”

 

Tucker laughed, “I thought you were defending him earlier! What’s with the change of heart?”

 

“I wasn’t defending him. I just didn’t know all the facts. But since I heard the truth from Chuck, I dunno what I was thinking.”

 

Tucker slapped him on the back in approval, thinking that Beau had joined their ranks. “Well now that you’re on board, you can help us. Tomorrow, we’re gonna bring him down a few pegs. Gonna dump him in the drink then make him walk home! See ya on the flip side, Beau.”

 

With that vague threat, Tucker retreated back to the bunk house. Beau continued watching the horses then made his way into the barn, creeping out the back way and around to the side of the main house, making sure no one would be able to see him. He let himself in silently and found Little Joe waiting for him, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and chewing on his lower lip. 

 

“Sorry about that, Beau. I appreciate you coming back. I just don’t want them to know.”

 

“Don’t want them to know I’m associating with you? Or don’t want them to know you’re associating with me?”

“Don’t want them to know that you’re on my side…. You are on my side?”

 

“I don’t really know what’s going on, maybe you could tell me your story before I choose sides?”

 

“That’s only fair, I suppose.” Joe pulled the kettle off the stove and filled two cups with coffee, handing one to Beau before walking out of the room trusting him to follow. They settled in front of the fire. “It didn’t start this way. At first, Clayton was a very good hand. He’d do what he was asked, but always spoke up if he saw things that could be improved. Him and Tucker both. You know we’re always willing to listen if there’s problems. But when Chuck joined, he seemed dead set on making my life miserable. And he took them both with him. Whatever I did just wasn’t good enough for them anymore. I swear everytime I ride herd with them, I find more strays than them and they still aren’t satisfied. And I know I’m not as good as my brothers are at… well anything really. But I thought I had made SOME sort of improvement! Anyway. Everytime I’m alone with Chuck he just insists on cutting me down. I know you’re kinda new here, Beau and feel free to leave if you just don’t want to get involved. But we’ve worked well together so far, and I thought that maybe I can talk to you about some stuff….” Joe trailed off. He wasn’t sure if all what he had been saying followed any sort of logical order or if he had just started rambling. 

 

“Well that’s what I was coming to you for, Joe. Earlier, Chuck and Clayton they was all upset that you had been the one to assign them horses that they didn’t wanna ride. But I kinda thought that’s why you were in charge of the remuda. Cause you know the horses betterin anyone else. Like last week. Why did you assign Chuck to ride Trinket?”

 

Joe raised one eyebrow. “Because he was gonna be heading into some really unstable territory. She hasn’t dumped a rider off yet.”

 

“That’s what I figured, but they didn’t believe me. How DO you decide the remuda anyway?”

 

“You stood up for me?”

 

“I don’t like seeing injustice.” Joe looked at him quizzically before answering.

 

“Assigning horses isn’t just throwing names randomly. I do it based on how the person will get along with the horse’s temperament, not the other way around. I’m not gonna give a greenbroke mare to someone who’s only ever ridden 14 year old geldings. And I certainly won’t send a rider out with a horse that I know will be dangerous. Half of those mares are also our breeding stock, so I also gotta keep track of their heats and think about where they’re gonna be a month out from now. I don’t wanna send someone out on a drive now on a mare that will be in season when they get to a place with stallions to pick up the stock.” Joe drained his coffee cup and shrugged, “Sometimes though, I do kinda want to just let them all choose their own mounts and see what happens.”

 

“But that wouldn’t be fair to the horses.” Beau grinned.

 

Joe snorted in laughter. “No it wouldn’t be.”

 

After a moment’s silence, Beau brought up the topic he actually wanted to discuss. “What has Chuck been doing?”

 

“Just dumb stuff. Snide comments. I know I should just ignore it, but after four months of being told at every turn that you’re stupid and a worthless screw-up, you kinda start believing it. You know?”

 

*********

*two months prior*

 

Joe picked himself up out of the mud after being tossed off the back of the same mustang three times in a row. He was a scrawny brown and white tobiano pinto whose stubborn streak was about as wide as Joe’s. He heard laughter as he dragged himself back to the chute to try again for a fourth time.

 

The jeering shouts from the three men who were supposed to be helping him break the horses overlapped in the background, “Why you still trying with that jughead?” “He’s never gonna make a good ranch horse!” “That horse is just as scrawny as you are, and probably just as useful!”

 

He got back onto the tobiano again and was determined to ride him to a standstill this time. And he did. But instead of being congratulated for what Joe thought was a job very well done, he was met with more derogatory words. “You spent all day just on one horse, Cartwright,” Chuck sneered at him, “One horse that won’t even be a good addition to the stock. What’s big brother Adam gonna say when we tell him you got nothing done today?”

 

Joe’s eyes flashed in anger, “Adam trusts me to work the horses. He’ll know it wasn’t nothing.”

 

“Trusts you? More like puts up with the addle-headed excuse for a brother you are because he doesn’t have a choice! You really think he won’t be mad that you put us behind schedule with this stunt?”

 

“Me? You three all just stood around and watched! You were supposed to be working the rest of the stock! If anything YOU’RE the ones who’ll put us behind!”

 

“Watch your mouth, boy. Didn’t your daddy ever tell you to respect your elders?”

 

“No, he told me to respect people who deserve it.” Joe didn’t duck fast enough and found himself back in the mud from a mean right hook. He shook his head and blinked the flashes of light out of his vision. Chuck looked down at him and laughed, “Tell you what. I’ll let it slide and won’t tell Mr. Adam this time that you played around all day. Afterall, I don’t think you want to disappoint him. You already ran off one brother. Don’t want to lose another one, do ya? We’ll cover for you. Just this once. But you’d better start pulling your weight.”

 

Joe gaped at Chuck. He wasn’t aware that Chuck had known what went down with Clay Stafford last month. Clayton, Chuck, and Tucker laughed again and left Joe sitting in the mud. Tucker ponied Joe’s horse behind the supply buckboard and away from the breaking corrals leaving Joe stunned, sore, and without a mount. But with a lot to think about.

 

He climbed to his feet yet again and groaned at the prospect of walking home. It was only two miles, but that’s further than he’d like to walk after the beating he had given himself today with the stubborn pinto. Joe made his way over to the trough and doused his head in the water, shaking the drops out of his eyes after. He looked at the setting sun and sighed. He’d be coming home in the dark. Figuring 10 minutes wouldn’t make much of a difference, Joe leaned against the fence and watched the newly broke horses in the corral. 

 

Adam wouldn’t be mad, would he? Joe really had worked hard with that tobiano. They only had five more horses to break from this group and they had two more days to do it. He hadn’t put them that far behind. He really didn’t want to disappoint anyone in his family, but mostly Adam. There always had been that niggling thought that maybe the rest of the family really did only put up with him because they had no other choice. 

 

As Joe was lost in thought, he didn’t notice the horse that sidled up to him on the other side of the corral fence. He startled when the soft horse lips took his hat and was surprised when he looked up to see the brown and white that he had fought with all day tossing his head up and down waving his own hat at him. 

 

“What’re you doin’? You really are a peculiar critter.” Joe took his hat back and stroked the horse’s nose. “Whatdya say. Give me a lift?” The three men had taken the buckboard that had all the tack in it, so Joe slipped a halter that was left hanging on the fence onto the pinto and tied the lead rope onto both sides of the nose band, flipping the loop it made over the horse’s ears to lay on its neck. In what was probably not the best decision of his life, Joe led the greenbroke horse out of the corral and stood next to him stroking his withers, making sure the horse was ok with what he was about to do. Taking hold of the horse’s mane, Joe swung up onto his back. 

 

The scrawny little brown and white pinto proved to be not only a quick step but also one of the smoothest gaits Joe had ever ridden. It barely took ten minutes for the tobiano and Joe to make it back to the main house. He pulled the horse to a walk as they came into the yard and they sauntered up to the hitching post. A group of ranch hands which included Hoss and Adam turned as he approached. 

 

“Little Joe! What horse is that?” Hoss hailed him. 

 

“This guy? His name’s Bierstadt! And he’s quite the sprightly little scrapper!” Joe laughed as he patted the horse’s neck.

 

“Joe, didn’t you just break that horse today? Why are you already riding him alone and without tack?” Adam was just as impressed as Hoss was, but he was also more concerned. Joe grinned at his brothers, the smile fading as he caught sight of Chuck and his cronies behind them. “Aw shucks, Adam, just thought I’d show you how well I could work up a horse in just one day.”

 

Adam smiled wryly and huffed a laugh. “Well, colour me impressed. That horse is responding to you like you’ve worked him for a month already.” 

 

Joe grinned and slid off Bierstadt. He led the horse into the barn to brush him down and Adam followed him in. “Bierstadt, Joe?” “Yeah. Cause he looks like a painting and has the whole spirit of the west.” “That is oddly poetic for you.” *

 

“I have my moments, big brother. Listen though. I did kinda spend my time only on this one horse today. BUT I only have five more to get through and still have two days to get them done. I’ll be done on time.” 

 

“Joe, it’s not just your task you know. You have three other people working with you. I’m sure between all of you, you’ll be done in no time.” Adam slapped Joe on the shoulder and left the barn not hearing his little brother’s response. “Yeah. I’m sure they’ll be a huge help.”

 

The next two days Joe was stuck trying to avoid the three people he was supposed to be working closely with. He just tried to keep out of the way and get the horses done. But no matter what he did, he found himself at the other end of barbed comments from Chuck, Clayton or Tucker. So far they’d covered him being useless, a waste of space, not being worthy of his family, and not having the brains even of a polecat. Clayton seemed to enjoy cutting him down physically. He would purposely make a horse move when Joe went to mount, or sabotage the cinches so Joe fell right back off the horse. Tucker was more low-brow. He stuck mostly to insults. Chuck’s personal favourite however still was being a needle in his side about how he wasn’t worth being part of his family and having screwed up his relationship with Clay Stafford. 

 

At the end of the last day on their task, Joe finally couldn’t put up with it anymore. Chuck made another snide remark as Joe walked the last horse back over to join the rest of the herd. Joe tossed down the lead rope, spun around, and took a swing at Chuck shouting “I am so SICK of you! What the hell is your problem with me? Huh? You’ve done nothing since you got here but pick on me, now you’ve got those two chuckleheads in on it too! Well you know what, Chuck? You can go to Hell. I hope you rot in the dust!”

 

“What the hell’s my problem with you? My problem is that you have everything you’ve ever wanted. You have a family that you don’t deserve. And you don’t appreciate any of it! You’re a worthless spoiled brat who doesn’t know how to put in a fair day’s work. And you’re the reason my younger brother never came back home!”

 

That stopped Joe in his tracks. “What?” 

 

“That’s right! He worked here two years ago. He followed you around like a puppy. It was because of YOU he was even in the saloon that night! And you don’t even remember him. The name Mikel Ellis means nothing to you, does it.”

 

“Mikel was your brother?” Joe’s face had drained of colour. He remembered the name. He remembered the person. He remembered what happened. Mikel did follow Joe around. They’d gotten on naturally and worked together well. “It was an accident. He wasn’t even supposed to be in town that night. He was supposed to be on night watch with the herd!”

 

“Shut your trap, Cartwright! I’ve read the report myself. That man wasn’t firing at him. He was firing at you. You’re the reason my brother is dead. And if I can’t have my family, you don’t deserve to have yours.” Chuck left Joe standing in shock and rode off with his two cronies.

 

*********

 

The next month had passed much the same, but Joe was starting to believe he deserved the treatment. Maybe he was to blame for Mikel’s death. And if that were true, then he certainly was deserving of the hate that Chuck held for him. From there it wasn’t much of a stretch to believe that all the words they threw at him were true as well. Before too long, Joe’s energy was flagging and his spirit was waning. He internalized it all, accepting the veracity of Chuck’s words. By the time the snow sat on the mountains, Joe had become convinced that not only did he not deserve his family and the love they gave him, but also that they only kept it up for show and out of a misplaced sense of duty and obligation.

 

Joe sat on his bed staring out the window into the night. He turned when Adam entered the room. “Joe, you want any dinner?”

 

“Actually, Adam can I ask you something?” Joe shifted so he had one knee drawn up to his chest and the other curled flat on the bed. He absently rubbed at his knee and avoided his older brother’s eyes.

 

“Sure, Joe. What is it? Your knee hurting?” Adam took a seat on the end of the bed and faced Joe.

 

Joe shook his head, “no, that’s not…. Adam, you remember Clay, right?”

 

“Your brother? Of course I remember him; he just left barely two months ago. Why?”

 

“You know the last thing he said to me… After I had ridden out and found his camp….” Joe looked briefly up at Adam from under the curls falling into his eyes then flicked his gaze away again. “He said he didn’t need this family….. that he didn’t need …. me.” Joe heaved a sigh and continued speaking hesitantly. “And I guess I’ve just been wondering…. I mean, he didn’t grow up with us. But you and … you and Hoss. We all grew up together. And so I guess I just got to thinking…. that….” Joe turned his gaze out the window again, seemingly reluctant to continue. “Well… maybe you just didn’t know any better, but given the choice now…. Maybe you wouldn’t want me around either.” Joe had closed his eyes and finished speaking in a whisper, unwilling to see the truth he feared seeing in his older brother’s eyes. 

 

“Oh Joe…” Adam felt his heart break. He reached out and touched Joe’s shoulder. His younger brother shrugged him off. Adam moved closer and took Joe into an embrace. Joe struggled briefly before giving up and allowing himself the comfort from his oldest brother. He leaned into Adam and returned the hug, hiding his face in the broad chest and silently letting his tears come. Adam rested his cheek on the top of Joe’s head, “Joe there is no one I would rather have on my side. In my family. Or as my brothers than you and Hoss. I’m not simply stuck with you. I would choose you time and time again.”

 

They stayed there until Joe fell asleep. Adam covered his little brother with a quilt and left the room, resolving to talk to Joe about what was going on. Before he could, though, Joe volunteered the next morning to resupply all the line shacks and was gone for a week.

 

*********

*Back to the present*

 

Now speaking with Beau, Joe felt oddly relieved. Maybe big brother Adam knew what he was talking about when he told Joe to talk to someone about his problems. He did feel a little guilty that he threw all of this at a man he had worked with only for a handful of days and who certainly wasn’t expecting any of that when he knocked on the door earlier in the night. 

 

“Sooo…..” Beau drew the word out. “Why have you let him get away with this?”

 

“I dunno. I was really pissed off at first. But now… Maybe I’ve accepted that I deserve it? I mean. It’s not like I can bring Mikel back alive. And maybe I owe Chuck for that. If this is what makes him feel better about it….”

 

“Or you could fire him for insubordination along with physical and mental harm and get rid of him.”

 

“Just to have him come back and do it all over again? I’d be constantly looking over my shoulder. At least as it is right now, I know where he is and can keep an eye on him. Sides, if I keep him occupied, he won’t be doing harm to anyone else.”

 

“I can’t decide if that is altruistic or masochistic.”

 

“Neither one. It’s selfish. I’m honestly worried that he’ll go after Adam or Hoss if I try and do anything about him. If I keep his focus on me, at least they’ll be safe. That’s where you come in.”

 

“Me?”

 

“Yeah. Now, you don’t have to, but it would really help if you just keep an eye out and give me a warning if you hear of or see anything really bad about to happen.”

 

“I still think you should just get rid of them.”

 

“I will but it has to be enough to hold them on. If not, they’ll just come right back and I would have made it worse for myself.”

 

“Yeah but if it’s too much or you wait too long, you’ll be dead.”

 

“Well that is a possibility.” Joe smiled wryly. “But I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that.”

 

“They’re planning on leaving you out tomorrow without a mount. After tossing you into the lake. Or the river. I dunno which.”

 

“Hm. Well maybe I go finish resupplying the line shacks away from both then. Wanna join? Leaving at sun-up.”

 

“See you then.” Beau let himself out the same way he came in, creeping back through the dark and closing the barn door loudly to make it obvious he was coming from there and not the main house as he headed to his bunk for the night. 

 

********

 

Dawn found the two men prepping to finish the last few line shacks. Joe had Cochise and Bierstadt standing at the hitching post with a pack saddle on the ground nearby as he went to gather what they would need. Clayton and Tucker came out of the bunkhouse and meandered over to the two horses. They knew better than to mess with Cochise, but Bierstadt was an open target. Clayton untied the horse and walked him to the corral where he’d left his saddle. He’d tossed it on the back of the pinto and was tightening the cinch when Joe walked back out of the barn. 

 

“Clayton! Don’t you do it!” Joe shouted as he saw what the ranch was planning.

 

“This ain’t yer personal horse, I can ride im if I wanna.” Clayton growled back at Little Joe. 

 

“You can’t though!” Little Joe had made it over to the corral and snatched the reins out of Clayton’s hands, shoving him back and moving to take the saddle back off of Bierstadt.

 

“Git outta my way, Cartwright. I’m sick a you tellin me which horse to take. I’m riding this one today.”

 

“You’re a fool if you think you’re gettin on this horse!” Joe ducked the first swing, but was surprised when he felt his arms yanked behind him. He hadn’t heard Chuck come up behind him. Clayton grinned and drove his right fist into Little Joe’s midriff following it with a quick uppercut to his jaw. 

 

Having sufficiently subdued the youngest Cartwright, Clayton turned back to the pinto. Joe tried once more to stop the man, “Clayton, don’t!” But he was ignored. Clayton re-tightened the cinch and stepped into the stirrup to swing into the saddle. At first there was no reaction, then the brown and white horse seemed to explode, tossing his head, kicking out, screaming loudly. Clayton flew off his back and rolled after landing, scrambling away from the still flailing hooves. Chuck had let go of his hold on Joe. He ran to his friend. Joe ran to the horse, holding his hands above his head and talking soothingly to him. Bierstadt had his ears pinned back and the whites of his eyes were showing. He lashed out at Joe and his teeth took a chunk out of his left arm. Joe hissed with the pain, but continued to try to soothe the horse. After a few tense minutes, Bierstadt flicked his ears forward again and stood still enough for Joe to get close to remove the tack. Joe dumped the saddle on the ground and tossed the bridle with it. He stroked the horse’s neck a few times and then led him back to stand next to Cochise again. 

 

The commotion had garnered the interest of pretty much everyone by this time. A few had gathered around Clayton who was now standing again and seemed none the worse for wear. Beau and Adam and a few others stood a distance away and approached Joe instead.

 

“Joe! What happened here? I thought you broke that horse!” Adam took his little brother’s arm and wrapped a bandana around it as a temporary measure to stop the bleeding from the horse’s bite.

 

“I did break him! But not for riding with a full rig! He’s only ever had me on his back. Clayton’s too heavy-handed. And he used a full-cheek snaffle on him. I’ve only ever used a hackamore. He wasn’t ready for riding. He’s supposed to be part of our pack line.”

 

“If he wasn’t ready, why did you let Clayton take him?”

 

“I’m sorry Adam…

 

Beau interrupted him, “It is NOT your fault Joe. That no-account loafer knew he wasn’t supposed to take that horse. Stop covering for-”

 

“Beau, drop it. It’s my fault. I’m in charge of the remuda, and I shouldn’t have let it happen.” 

 

“But Joe, you weren’t-”

 

“Drop it.” Joe avoided looking at both his older brother and Beau as he went to saddle Cochise and load the sawbuck for Bierstadt. Adam caught Beau’s arm as he went to help Joe load the supplies for the line shack. “What really happened?”

 

“It weren’t Joe’s fault. He tried to stop him. Even after Clayton hit him, he tried to stop him from gettin’ on that horse.”

 

Adam nodded, not surprised in the least. He just wished that Joe would let him help sort out whatever mess this was turning into. “You’re riding with him today for the last of the line shacks?” Beau nodded. “Let me know if anything like this happens again. Jack’s a safe bet too.” 

 

“I overheard those buzzards last night planning on dumping him into the river and taking his mount. But going up to the line shacks, we won’t be anywhere near there.” 

 

Adam nodded. “Joe’s never fully out of trouble. Just keep a weather eye, won’t you?”

 

“Sure thing.” Beau walked over to Joe and helped strap the last items on to the pack before they both mounted and left the area. Adam sighed and turned back to deal with Clayton, only to find that he was too late and the three who were tormenting his youngest brother had already left for the herd.

 

*********

 

“You know that your brother Adam and Jack have been trying to figure out what all these problems are?”

 

“I can’t say I’m surprised. But I didn’t know that for certain, no. He… he wants to protect me. I know that. But I already am involved myself, I don’t want to drag him into this too. How much did you tell him?”

 

“Only what happened this morning. I think you should tell him the whole story though. It’s always good to have more people on our side.”

 

The two men were on the last line shack. They had gone to the furthest one first and worked their way in, leaving them at the line shack closest to the main house. This one not only needed resupply, but also some repairs. It was nestled in a small area at the end of a box canyon, protected from everything except the odd rockslide. The east wall had been damaged by falling rocks and Joe was working on stripping some timbers to replace the areas needing it and Beau had removed the old damaged timbers from the shack and started installing the newly cut and striped timbers. They had just finished with the last section when they heard the report of a pistol three times in a row. Looking at each other, they quickly moved to the horses and rode off to find the person who had fired the distress signal. Riding out of the box canyon, Cochise stumbled. Joe wasn’t tossed, but he noticed upon regaining balance, the horse didn’t have an even gait. 

 

“Beau, keep going. Cochise just threw a shoe.” He dismounted and led the black and white pinto back to where they had been working on the shack. He eyed the other pinto that had come out with them. He tossed the saddle bags over one shoulder and his canteen over the other. Then taking the pack frame off of Bierstadt and grabbing a handful of his mane, Joe swung up onto the spirited pony’s back.

 

He heard the report again of three quick pistol shots and easily caught up with Beau. Pulling the pinto beside the bay that Beau rode and matching pace, Joe grinned and winked as his friend. At an easy lope, they rode in the direction of where they heard the shots, scanning the landscape for any sign of someone in distress. Finding no one, and having gone already a mile and a half from where they started, Joe pulled Bierstadt to a stop next to a pile of rocks that looked like a camel’s hump and waited for Beau to come back over to him. 

 

“I don’t get it. You can’t hear a report from a handgun more than about a mile, mile and a half. I’m sure it came from this direction. Do you thi-” He cut himself off as another three shots were heard, from the same direction again, and fainter than before. 

 

“Joe, I don’t like this. They’re leading us somewhere. And whoever it is, we’re gonna fall right into their trap. Anyways, if they’ve moved that far at the same rate that we’re going, they’re obviously not hurt enough to need help. I don’t think we should go any further.”

 

“Even if it’s not someone who’s hurt, they’re screwing around and shouldn’t be out here doing that. Tell you what. You go back to the main house and get some other guys and meet me back out here. I’m gonna keep going that way and try to find them.”

 

“Joe…”

 

“I won’t engage. Not until you get back.”

 

“Fine. You’d better not. I don’t want Mr. Adam mad at me.”

 

Joe laughed at that. “You get used to it after awhile. I’ll be waiting!” Joe urged his mount and Bierstadt reared before taking off in the direction Joe asked him to travel. Beau shook his head and turned his own horse back to the ranch.

 

He was still about a mile out from the main house when he saw two other riders in the distance. Recognizing the tall chestnut with 4 white socks, Beau shouted and waved his hat. The rider returned the wave and the horses turned toward Beau. 

 

“Howdy Adam, Jack. Glad I ran into ya.”

 

“Beau! What’s wrong? Where’s Joe?” Adam cut right to the point. 

 

“He’s waiting back there about four miles. He’s fine. But either someone out there is not fine and needs help, or someone is out there messin around. Either way, Joe told me to go get some back-up before we found them.”

 

“You left him there?!” Adam was yelling by now. 

 

“He said he wouldn’t do anything until we got back. He’s waiting for us.”

 

“That kid doesn’t know the meaning of patient. Beau, show us where you left him.”

 

*********

 

“Right here. This is where I left him. Right next to this pile of rocks. He rode off this way. Come on!”

 

The group of three took off in the direction that Beau indicated. They moved steadily, but kept it to a trot so as not to miss any sign on the ground. Adam noticed with a fair amount of anxiety that they were heading toward the river. He thought of Beau’s warning and silently chastised himself for not taking it more seriously. Presently they made it to the bank of the river when they heard a voice hail them. 

 

“Hey! Over here!”

 

Tucker rode toward them, with Bierstadt in tow. “Mr. Adam! Boy am I glad to see you. Someone signaled needing help, but all I could find is this pinto that Joe was riding.”

 

“You didn’t see Joe at all, did you?”

 

“No sir. I figure he’s out on foot somewhere if his horse is here, but I haven’t found him yet. He might be hurt, given what this horse can do.” Tucker missed the startled then confused look that Beau gave him, but Adam didn’t. He made a note to ask the young man about that, but would wait until they were out of earshot of anyone else. 

 

“Jack, go with Tucker. Beau stick with me. We’ll go downstream. You guys go up. Signal if you find any sign.” The two groups split up. Beau and Adam watched Jack and Tucker slowly move upstream before Beau turned to the other man, “I don’t like this. And I don’t believe him. Joe and I heard 3 pistol shots. We tried finding the person, but after we had gone about a mile, the shots came again from even further away. That’s when Joe sent me for help. But he promised he would only follow and wouldn’t engage anyone he found!” 

 

“Beau, I don’t blame you, but you’ve gotta know by now that Joe is impulsive. And even if he didn’t intend to approach anyone, trouble could have come to him.” Adam scratched the back of his neck. “Why don’t you believe Tucker?” 

 

“Because Joe wasn’t riding Bierstadt this morning. He was riding Cochise. But he threw a shoe, so Joe was bareback on Bierstadt when we started looking for whoever was out here. How would Tucker know that Joe had switched horses?”

 

“Good point. All he should have known was that he found the horse you brought out to pack. Why would he say that Joe is now on foot?”

 

“Exactly. Unless he knows more than he let on. I think he was the one who gave the signal and lured us out here. He didn’t need help. He was the bait.” 

 

Adam nodded then dismounted. “Take a look at this.” He knelt and studied the tracks they had come across. “Is Bierstadt shod yet?”

 

“No, I don’t think so.” Beau joined him on the ground.

 

“Three shod and one not. And over here, looks like a struggle.” Adam stood and took off his hat looking around before replacing it. “I think three people laid in wait, jumped him, and took him.”

 

“Took him where?” “I wish I knew….”

 

Beau and Adam cast about trying to find any other hints. “Adam!” Beau stood near the river’s bank. He pointed as Adam joined him. In the soft mud on the bank, there were very clear drag marks. Leading straight into the river. “Oh God. They threw him in.” Adam sank to the ground, “What am I gonna do? Beau, if he was unconscious…” 

 

“If he was unconscious that cold water would have woken him right back up. We just have to find where he made it back out of the water.” Beau mounted his bay and started moving downstream again. Adam followed on Sport, distressed but taking hope from the other man. They covered three miles before Beau spurred his mount to a gallop as they came around a bend. He skidded to a halt and nearly flew off the horse. Adam joined Beau kneeling in the mud beside the very still figure of his younger brother. He grasped at the thin neck trying to find a pulse. The relief that swept through him when he found it made him dizzy. It was weak, but there, fluttering beneath his searching fingers. “He’s alive! Help me get him on Sport. Then I need you to ride for the doctor and meet us at the house.” Adam stood, lifting Joe with Beau’s help. They moved to stand next to Adam’s horse, propping up the younger Cartwright as Adam mounted and they gently maneuvered Little Joe into the saddle in front of his older brother. Beau scrambled into his own saddle and turned his horse toward town. 

 

“I’ll meet you at the house, Adam.”

 

“Ride fast.”

 

*********

 

Hop Sing had returned home from his trip during the day and was concerned when he saw Adam ride up to the house with Joe on the horse in front of him. He helped lower Little Joe off the horse and then ran ahead to open doors and prepare the room for Adam to carry his brother inside. Beau returned to the ranch with the doctor in tow as well as Ben and Hoss who had returned on the afternoon stage that day. He had filled them in as well as he could on the way home, but much of the details would have to wait until they knew what would become of Joe.  

 

*********

 

Now Hoss walked slowly down the hall to rejoin his older brother Adam next to their younger brother’s bedside. He sighed before pushing the door open and walking into the room. Finding Adam trying to change the bed sheets is certainly not what he had expected.

 

“Adam, what are you doing?”

 

“Hoss! Perfect timing. Pick him up. Carefully!”

 

“Sure, but what’s going on?”

“I need to change the sheets, Hoss. They’re wet.”

 

As he gently lifted Joe into his arms, Hoss noticed that he’d gotten even lighter than he already was. Joe had been unconscious for nearly 3 days now. They’d been able to keep him plied with liquids, but Joe hadn’t woken up at all to eat anything or tell them what had happened. The doc had cleaned and bandaged the horse bite that had become irritated from being in the river water, reset a dislocated shoulder and bound his broken ribs, but couldn’t tell them when Joe would wake up. Adam and Beau didn’t know how long he had been in the river, and the doc was worried that if he had been underwater for too long, he might never wake up. The family refused to believe that was an option. The longer he stayed unresponsive though, the more they began to worry that it wasn’t caused by just a knock on the head.

 

Ben had finally been sedated by the doctor and forced to get some rest. Hoss and Adam had eventually listened to Hop Sing and agreed that they would also take leave from the younger brother’s room one at a time to keep up their own strength. They’d be no good to Joe if they made themselves sick after all. 

 

“Why’re you needing these changed anyway, Adam? It doesn’t feel like he has a fever. Did you spill the water on him?”

 

“No it’s… he wet the bed, Hoss. This is the second time.”

 

“Well he can’t exactly help it right now.”

 

“I know that. That’s not what I meant. I’m worried that it’s causing internal damage to him. Think about it, Hoss. Normally a man would choose when to relieve himself. Joe can’t right now. His body only gives up when it’s too much and can’t do anything else. I’m worried that’s gonna cause him problems inside.”

 

“What can we do about it though?”

 

Adam sighed. He’d given that some thought. He didn’t think that Joe would like it one bit if he knew what was going to be done. But there wasn’t much other choice. “We put him on a schedule. Every twelve hours, express his bladder. Healthier for him, less mess for us. It’s either that or give him less water. And we both know that’s not an option. He’s not gotten any nutrition for the last three days. I’m just glad he’ll still swallow when we give him water.” He gently raised Joe’s head up and tilted a cup half-full with water with both sugar and salt mixed in and trickled the liquid into his little brother’s mouth. Joe swallowed reflexively until all the water was gone. Adam made his brother comfortable again and then stood, looking out the window. 

 

“Hoss….”

 

“What is it Adam?”

 

“What do we do if he doesn’t get better? What will it do to Pa?” Hoss came to stand by his older brother, placing a hand on his shoulder offering support, but he had no answers.

 

********

 

The sun had just risen and they’d rotated the vigil again. Ben and Hoss had been convinced by Roy Coffee to join the group looking for Chuck and Clayton. When Jack and Tucker had returned to the ranch and found that Joe was still alive, Tucker had tried to flee. The hands had restrained him and turned him over to the sheriff. Chuck and Clayton had not returned to the bunkhouse. 

 

Now Adam looked down at his youngest brother and knew that he would have to put his plan into action. He brought a bowl of warm water up from the kitchen and placed it on the bedside table. Then he pulled the blankets off of Joe and placed the chamber pot snugly up in between his legs. Making sure that Joe was aimed correctly, Adam moved Joe’s arm and gently placed his left hand into the bowl of warm water. He wasn’t sure if it really would work, but after a minute, a slight stream of urine began to flow into the chamber pot growing in strength before petering out. Adam dried off Joe’s hand then removed the chamber pot and covered him back up. Pleased that his plan had worked, Adam stroked back Joe’s curls before moving to empty the used chamber pot. 

 

*********

 

It had been five days now since Beau had found Little Joe. He still swallowed the sugar/salt/water mixture when someone gave it to him, but he had yet to move by himself or respond to any external stimulus. Adam had continued to express Joe’s bladder every twelve hours and the doc said that everything was healing as it should. There was no sign of infection in the wound on his left arm from Bierstadt. His shoulder no longer needed to be bound, and Joe was having no issues breathing from the broken ribs. They had all been worried that Joe would develop breathing issues or even pneumonia from breathing in water and then having his ribs so tightly bound, but that hadn’t happened. The doc could only figure that Joe had lost consciousness close to the end of his time in the river and had not actually breathed any water in. 

 

The posse had found Chuck and Clayton. They had tracked them to Carson City where they found that the two had taken the stage east. Roy wired the law office in the next few towns to have them held, and received word that they had been arrested in Fallon Station, 62 miles east of Virginia City. They’d been transported back and were being held along with Tucker in Roy’s jail under suspicion of attempted murder until Little Joe woke up and could give an official statement. Roy hadn’t come out and said it, but the other eventuality is that they would walk scott-free if Joe died, as there was no one else who could prove they had any involvement.

 

The sun was setting again. Ben was in Joe’s room with Hop Sing, Hoss was asleep, and Adam sat outside on the end of the porch with his head in his hands. He looked up as he heard a voice speak to him, “How’re you holding up?” 

 

Beau sat beside Adam and handed him a flask. Adam took a swig and handed it back. “I just keep going over everything in my head. And I’m wondering if I could have stopped it before it got this far.”

 

“None of this is your fault, so don’t blame yourself.” 

 

“It might not be my fault, but I should have-”

 

“You did what you could. Blaming yourself will not help Joe.”

 

“God, he was already so run down before this happened. What if he doesn’t pull through? They’d been picking on him for months. And I had no idea. They’d made him feel so terrible about himself. You know what he told me? He wasn’t necessarily suicidal, but he said that if something were to happen, it’d be fine if he died. What if…. what if…”

 

“What if he just gives up?”

 

Adam closed his eyes and hung his head, a single tear sliding silently down his left cheek.

 

*********

 

The next afternoon, Ben called down the hall to Adam that he was going to lie down. Adam dragged himself to his feet and went slowly to his little brother’s room. As he touched the door handle to let himself in, he heard hoofbeats in the yard and moved instead to the front door to see who it was. 

 

“Good afternoon, Roy.”

 

“Afternoon, Adam. But I wouldn’t say it’s good.”

 

“Why, what happened?”

 

“Circuit judge says I can only hold them boys for two more days and if’n there’s no certain proof, I’ve gotta let ‘em go.”

 

“Certain proof! They threatened to do exactly what happened, how is that not proof!?”

 

“Threats is one thing. But each man has an alibi. Just cause they left the ranch without notice doesn’t count as proof in the eyes of the law. I’m sorry, Adam.”

 

He sighed, “Me too, Roy. Thanks for letting me know, anyhow.” Adam went back inside and upstairs to sit with Joe. He frowned when he entered the room. According to the time, Joe was supposed to be on his back, but instead he was on his stomach. The doc had left them instructions to have them turn Joe every so often to avoid pressure sores from being in 1 position for too long. Their father must have forgotten to turn him. Adam positioned Joe so he was once more on his back and sat down next to him on the bed holding his hand and telling him the events of the day.

 

“Please wake up, Joe. Remember that poem I made you read? The one translated from German. I think it’s fairly accurate right now. I just hope this ends differently than that poem.” Adam opened the book he had brought in with him and read aloud: 

 

“Who rides there so late through the night dark and drear?

It is a father, with his child so dear;

He holds the boy tightly clasped in his arm,

He holds him safely, he keeps him warm.”

 

Adam’s voice breaks as he reaches the final verse:

 

“The father now gallops, with terror half wild,

He grasps in his arms the poor shuddering child;

He reaches his courtyard with toil and dread,

In his arms, the child was dead.” **

 

He took a deep breath and closed the book. 

 

“Little Joe. You know we love you. You know we need you here. Please wake up! I know what Chuck was putting you through. I wish you had let me help sooner. But that’s all over now. He’s gonna be tried for attempted murder. If only you could give a statement. Joe, the poem describes “with terror half wild.” Well that’s how I feel everytime I think I might lose you. We all do. I know it might not matter to you. But it does to us. Without you, the Ponderosa is missing its heart. God, Joe, I don’t know what I’d do if you don’t make it through this.” Adam ended his entreaty on his knees next to his youngest brother’s bed holding the still hand in both of his and pressed to his forehead, eyes closed. 

 

He looked up in shock when he heard the whispered words:

 

“Then, even then, I will bequeath my heart

Into thy loving hands.” ***

 

“Joe!” Adam placed his hand on Joe’s cheek, the other on his shoulder, seeking to prove to himself this was really happening. “Are you alright? How do you feel? Can you see me okay? PA! HOSS! HOP SING! 

 

Adam continued to try to prove to himself that his little brother was awake and alright. Joe responded to his questions with a smile, weak but alive. As the rest of the family joined them in the room, he asked, “Herrick, Joe?” 

 

“I have my moments.” 

 

 

END

 

*Albert Bierstadt, German American painter during the 1800s known for this oil paintings of the American West

**Der Erlkönig, by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

***To His Dying Brother, by Master William Herrik