Darkness

Do you know what it is like to be blind?  Your whole world is surrounded in a dark vat of nothingness.  Close your eyes right now and keep them closed for several moments.  What do you see?  Well depending on the lighting you may see a little bit of light.  Now close all the shades and turn off all the lights.  Now what do you see?  Nothing, blackness, emptiness, nothingness.

When a person is blind he is lost in a vast emptiness of deep, dark space.  If he once had his sight he will find himself dreaming of the things he used to see.  He will see the sunset and the sunrise, the birds, the flowers, the sky, the mountains, the trees, and so much more.  He dreams of these things that he will never see again.  He lies alone in the dark watching dreams, plans, and hopes collapse around him.  His loving family might be around him but they do not understand the horror of being blind.  They will never understand it.

Adam Cartwright was such a man.  It was not totally clear to him how this happened.  All that he knew was that he was lying alone in a dark room.  Outside the window he could hear the coyotes howling and he knew that it was night.  But for him it would always be night.

And outside his bedroom out of Adam’s earshot Dr. Paul Martin was attempting to comfort the rest of the Cartwright’s.  Joe’s face was pale and his hands shook.  “It was an accident.” He kept repeating.  “It was an accident.”

“Don’t blame yourself, Joe.”  Dr. Martin tried to reassure him.  “It could have happened to anyone.”

“But it happened to me!”  Joe exclaimed clutching his hands tightly together.  “To me!  And to Adam!”  And then he turned his back to the doctor and leant against the wall.

Dr. Martin looked after him with a frown.  Then he turned back to Ben.  “Adam must be kept perfectly still.”  He instructed.  “But don’t leave him alone.  That is the worst thing you can do.  He must have company.  He must know that he will be all right.  Don’t mention the words blind or see.  And for heaven’s sake don’t talk about things that Adam can no longer do!”

Ben nodded.  “Anything else?”

“Try to help him understand that he is still a man and that his blindness will not ruin him for life.  And that bump on his head must be kept clean.  Bathe it with cold water to try to bring the swelling down.”

Ben nodded again.  “And if he can’t remember what happened don’t remind him.” Dr. Martin finished.  “The last thing I want is for him to get angry at Joe.”

Joe turned.  “Why shouldn’t he?  It was my fault!”

“It was no one’s fault.”  Dr. Martin attempted to comfort him.

“I’ll never be able to make up to him for it.”  Joe groaned.

“Yes, you can.”  Dr. Martin saw an opportunity to light a ray of hope in Joe’s heart.  “You can be your brother’s nurse.  Read to him, help him, and show him that he still can live.  And, Joe, please don’t let Adam fall into despair that is the worse thing that could happen.  Well, I have to go now.” He slowly walked toward the stairs.  “I’ll be back tomorrow to check on your patient.”

Joe nodded and entered his brother’s room.  Ben watched his son, then he followed Paul Martin downstairs.

Adam’s room was usually a bright and cheerful place.  The eldest Cartwright son liked the fresh air and kept his windows and shades open day and night.  But now the shades were drawn and the windows closed.  Adam lay still not moving, staring one might say, but at what?  At those dreams that he had lost with his sight or perhaps he was struggling to remember what happened earlier that day.

The latter seemed to be the case because as Joe pulled a chair over Adam turned his head toward the sound.  “Who’s there?” he asked, unsteadily.

“Just me, Adam.” Joe replied straddling the chair.  His heart came close to breaking as he watched his once strong brother now jumping at the slightest sounds.

“Oh.”  Adam sighed and fell back on the pillow.  “Joe, what happened?”

Joe looked down at his hands.  “Doc said you should rest, Adam.”

“I will.” He replied.  “What happened?”

Joe’s shoulder’s shook.  “You heard what Doc Martin said.”

“I’m blind!”  Adam repeated.  “Totally blind!”  he choked back a sob.

“Adam…” Joe attempted to comfort his brother, but his voice broke and his head went between his hands.

Adam reached out his hand gently, searching for his brother.  His hand finally came to rest on Joe’s arm.  He sat quietly waiting for his brother to finish his own heart bleeding.  Finally he whispered to Joe, “It’s night isn’t it?”

Joe nodded, then he swallowed.  “Yes.” He replied.

“Night.”  Adam murmured.  “It will always be night for me.”  His sightless eyes traveled over the room.  He knew the room by heart but still he felt lost in the world of night that he was now experiencing.  He was about to press his brother for more information about the accident but then he heard the door open again and Ben Cartwright entered the room.

“Son?”  Ben whispered.  “Adam?”  And Joe moved to allow his father room to come near his older brother’s bed.  Adam could feel the edge of the bed dipping slightly as his father sat beside him.

Adam turned towards his father’s voice.  “Pa, I…” he broke down, then, Ben bent down and grasped his son in his arms and for a long time just held him closely.

Ben Cartwright’s eyes filled with silent tears.  Earlier that day Adam, Hoss, and Joe had gone into the forest to cut some trees for firewood.  Winter was coming and Ben wanted the Ponderosa well stocked with wood.  They left early that morning laughing and smiling together Adam on Sport, Hoss on Chubb, and Joe on Cochise.  They took a wagon with them to cart back the cut wood.  They returned that evening.  Hoss was still riding Chubb and Joe Cochise, but Sport was tied to the back of the wagon and instead of cut wood a body lay inside covered with Hoss and Joe’s coats.

Ben rushed outside.  His two younger sons pulled back their coats to reveal the bruised and battered body of Adam Cartwright.  “A tree fell on him, Pa.”  Joe explained.  “A tree I was cutting.”  And the youngest Cartwright’s eyes filled with tears.

Ben, Hoss and Joe carefully carried Adam into the house and laid him gently on the sofa.  “Hop Sing!”  Ben called.  “Water, bring water quickly!”

There was a bump on the back of Adam’s head that worried Ben.  He wet a rag in the cold water that a worried Hop Sing brought him and wiped it gently across Adam’s face.

“I’ll go for the doc, Pa.”  Hoss quickly assured his father and Ben nodded.

Joe stood anxiously by his father and older brother.  Adam’s eyes were closed and he moaned softly as the cold rag passed over the back of his head.  Joe’s face paled as he watched his brother.  Adam, usually so strong and confident, lay still and quiet, moaning softly as the cloth now was gently passed over his cut, bruised, and scratched face.

When Doctor Martin arrived Ben carried the young man up to his room.  Adam was drifting in and out of a restless stupor but alert enough for the doctor to make an initial diagnosis.  The diagnosis struck fear in the hearts of all present.  Adam Cartwright was blind!

“I’m sorry, Ben.”  Paul Martin washed his hands at the basin beside Adam’s bed. “It might not be a permanent thing.”  Dr. Martin weakly tried to assure Ben, Hoss, and Joe.  “But, unfortunately, I can’t see inside his head to be sure.” He picked up his bag and walked toward the door.  The three Cartwright’s walked carefully and silently out of Adam’s room, quietly closing the door behind them, so that Adam could hear no more of the conversation.
What had Adam thought then, Ben wondered, as he held his son close.  Adam had heard what the doctor had said because Ben had heard a stifled sob as he left the room.  Yes, his son had heard the doctor’s diagnosis.  And for an active man like Adam it was a sentence of death.  Night was closing in on the Ponderosa but it would always be night for Adam.

Ben held his son still for several minutes longer.  The remembering what the doctor had ordered he released Adam.  The young man, ashamed of letting his father and brother see his emotions, turned his face away from them and buried his face in his pillow.  Ben looked over at Joe and quietly ordered “Stay with him.”  Then he left the room and went down the stairs towards the kitchen.

Adam lay still after his father left.  Several thoughts were running through his mind.  The first was his disbelief that this had happened to him.  Just the other day he was happy and carefree.  Now he was bl…but no, Adam did not want to use that word.  It hurt him to even think about it.  He could see the things he had always seen in his mind.  But now they were dreams, dreams of the past.  Adam saw his future crashing around him, falling, falling into a vat of darkness such as he was now experiencing.

He sighed unhappily.  He felt so alone, so useless.  His family was trying to support him, but they did not understand.  Adam’s natural state of being revolted against having to lie here in the darkness of blindness.  He wanted to do the things he was raised to do.  he wanted to ride Sport, wanted to break that new herd of wild horses, wanted to cut wood, wanted to play his guitar, wanted to read again.  Read!  The word was like a forbidden gem to Adam.  Reading had been his pastime, the way he spent his leisure hours.  Were Shakespeare, Thoreau, Poe, and Tennyson no longer to be a part of his life?  Then he heard Joe’s voice beside him and he turned.

Joe had sensed what his brother was thinking and his heart went out to the brother that he had injured through what he called ‘my carelessness.’  He wanted to help his brother, wanted to let Adam know that he was not alone.  He knew what he had caused Adam to lose so he gently asked, “Adam, can I help you?”

Adam hated anyone asking him that question even when he was well.  But now that he was sick and an invalid he liked it even less.  It sounded condescending to him.  As though, he could not do anything for himself.  In fact he felt unable to help himself and that made him even angrier at his brother who had his sight and could see.  “No.”  He snapped at Joe.  “I’m fine.  I don’t need your help.”

Joe dropped his head between his hands.  His brother was suffering a torture that Joe would have wished on no one.  And yet his dearly beloved brother was going through this darkness alone.  Joe wanted to help him but Adam would not let him in.  So he sat silently, hoping and praying that Adam would let him do something, anything to relive some of the hurt that he had caused.

Adam’s mind was spinning.  He still could not believe that this had happened to him.  He wanted to be left alone, just left alone and he told Joe so.  His voice was slightly sharper than usual as he ordered his brother out of his room.  “Joe, will you please get out of here?”  Adam asked his brother.  “I can get along very well without you.”

“Adam, Pa told me to stay with you.”  Joe replied.

“I don’t care.”  Adam answered.  “I want to be alone.  Just left alone.  Do you understand?”

“That’s not good for you, Adam.”  Joe whispered faintly.  “Please let me stay.  I’ll read to you.”

“Read to me!”  Adam laughed.  “You!  You hate reading anything except those dime novels.  You don’t know Shakespeare!  You could never give it the proper tone.  No!  Forget it, Joe.  Get out of here!”

“Adam, it’s not right for you to be alone.”  Joe never raised his voice.

“It’s not right for me to be blind, either.”  Adam shouted back and Joe’s heart broke a little more.  “But I am and there is nothing you can do about it!”

“I can help you!”  Joe said.

“Help me!”  Adam asked.  “Why waste your time?  I’m only half a man anyway.  Without sight I’m useless, no good.  I might as well just die.”

“Adam, No!”  Joe pleaded.

“Are you afraid of death, little brother?”  Adam asked harshly.  “I’m not.  It’s become a part of life out here.  Death has always been a part of my life.  You, Hoss, and Pa will get along very well without me.”

“No, we won’t.”  Ben Cartwright’s voice cut into the conversation and he walked into the room.  Joe moved aside as his father set a basin of water on the dresser next to Adam’s bed.  “Every one of you, my sons are an important part of this ranch and I could not get along without any of you.”

“You’ll have to learn to get along without me.”  Adam was slightly defiant.  “I’m no good anymore.”  He finished sadly.

“Adam, that’s not true and you know it.”  His father replied, slipping an arm around Adam’s neck and raising him into a sitting position.

Adam felt a cold rag on the back of his head and he cringed.  He had a very tender, painful bump back there.  Joe, unable to stand his brother feeling even the slightest pain, walked quickly from the room.  Ben gently bathed the back of his sons head, then he laid him back on the pillow and pulled the blankets tenderly up around Adam as he had done when the man was just a boy.

“Go to sleep, Adam.”  Ben picked up the water and headed towards the door.

“Pa?”  Adam asked.

Ben turned.  “Yes, son.”

“Pa, what happened?”  he had to know.

“There was an accident, Adam.”  Ben replied.  “It was just an accident.”

“But, Pa, I’m blind now!”  Adam protested.  “I have a right to know what happened!”

“Adam!”  Ben put the water back on the dresser and sat on the bed next to his suffering son.  “Adam, please just trust my judgement.”

“Pa…”  Adam demanded.

“A tree fell, Adam.”  Ben said simply.

“A tree fell.”  Adam repeated.  Then he started to laugh.  It was a strange laugh, a laugh with no humor, a laugh that made Ben’s brow furrow with worry and grip the sides of his son’s bed.  “A tree fell!  I’ve been through gunfights, fistfights, duels, and even sword fights.  But its a falling tree that does it to me!  A tree causes me to go blind!”

“Adam…” Ben reached out his hand toward his son.

“Don’t worry, Pa.”  Adam’s groping hand found his father’s face.  “I’m all right now.”

“Good-night, then, son.”  Ben stood up.

“Good-night, Pa.”  Adam’s sightless eyes closed.

Ben watched him for a moment then he picked up the water basin and walked out of the room.

Adam was lonely.  He tossed uncomfortably in his bed, not sleeping.  Sleep refused to come to him tonight.  His mind was jumbled with a situation that he could not remember.  He kept hearing his brother’s Joe’s voice shouting out “Adam, look out!”  He kept seeing a tree falling towards him and his mind telling him to move to get out of the way, but he could not move.  Then a crash and blackness.  A blackness that was now permanent.  What were these strange memories?  Memories perhaps of the accident that had caused him to go blind.

His face was hot and flushed and he longed for a glass of water.  Even Little
Joe would be a welcome sight to the tired, suffering Adam.  He wanted to stand up and walk toward the water pitcher that was always on the dresser across from is bed.  Of course, it had to be over there when he needed it most.  But he could not even see his hands in front of his face how would he be able to see a piece of furniture across the room.

Joe, unable to sleep, stood up from his bed and walked toward his brother’s room.  Adam tossed uneasily between the sheets.  His face burned and he longed for a glass of cold water.  Joe sensed his brother’s need as soon as he entered the room.  He poured a glass of water from the pitcher that Adam had been dreaming of and walked over to Adam’s bed.  He never said a word but raisin Adam’s head he helped him to drink the cool refreshing water that soothed Adam’s burning throat and parched lips.

“Thank you,” Adam whispered as Joe let his brother’s head sink back down on the pillow.  “Joe?” he asked unsure of his benefactor.

“Yes.”  Joe replied softly sitting in a chair beside Adam’s bed.  “Yes, it’s me, Adam.”

“How…how did you know what I needed, Joe?”  Adam asked, turning toward his brother’s voice.

“I don’t know.”  Joe answered.  “I couldn’t sleep and I thought that perhaps you might need something so I came in here.”

“Thank you.”  Adam repeated softly.  “Thank you very much.”  He was grateful that Joe was trying to help him but lurking somewhere in the back of his mind was the thought that Joe had somehow been involved in the accident.

Joe stood up and walked towards the closed and shuttered windows.  “Adam, I’m going to open the window.” He announced.

“Joe, don’t.”  Adam pleaded.

“Adam,” Joe answered.  “Just let me bring in some fresh air.”

Adam said no more and Joe opened the windows wide letting in the fresh night air.  Adam breathed deeply of the crisp, cool, autumn air.  The coyotes were howling and the wind was whistling outside.  “That air feels so good.”  Adam murmured sleepily.  Joe stood next to the windows, tears in his eyes.  The he turned and walked towards his brother’s bed.  He laid his cool hand on his brother’s cheek.  “Adam?” he whispered.

His brother made no reply.  Still Joe listened for a moment.  Adam’s breath rose and fell in quiet sleep and Joe quietly left the room closing the door behind him.

Ben and Joe walked into Adam’s room together the next morning.  Joe carried a breakfast tray in his hands.  A tray that he set on the dresser next to his brother’s bed.  Adam sill slept, the window was still open, and the rising sun bathed the sleeping Cartwright in its glow.  Ben passed his hand over his slumbering son’s forehead.  Adam stirred, then opened his eyes.  “Is that you, Pa?” he asked a little worried.

“Yes, son, yes it’s me.”  Ben assured his son.

Adam tried to smile but failed.  Instead he asked his father “Could I have some breakfast?  I’m very hungry.”

Ben looked over at Joe and smiled.  “Yes, son.” He replied.  “Of course you can.  Joe brought you a tray.  Joe…”

Joe obeyed his father’s unspoken command.  He took the try from the dresser and gently laid it across his brother’s knees.  Adam reached out his hand toward the breakfast on the tray.  There was a plate of eggs and hominy grits.  There was also a cup of coffee, warm not hot.  Ben was afraid that Adam might burn himself.  Adam managed to find the silverware and slip it from its ring.

Ben watched his son anxiously.  Adam had never had a meal this way before and Ben was worried what might happen when his son attempted the task of eating.  Ben longed to help him, to feed him as he had done when Adam was a baby, to lovingly help him out, but he knew that Adam would resist that type of help.  Adam was they type of man who needed to learn through trial and experience more than anything anyone could tell him.  The he heard Hoss call “Pa, Joe, if you don’t hurry, breakfast’ll get cold.”

Joe looked over at his father.  “You go down to breakfast, Pa.” He whispered to his father.  “I’ll stay with Adam.”

“I don’t need you!”  Adam snapped at his brother.  He was afraid that he would make a fool of himself and Joe would be there to see him do it.  Adam was a proud man and he did not want anyone seeing him in his present state.  If he had his way he would hide from all of them in some dark, lonely corner, away from their prying eyes and tender hands.

Ben gripped Adam’s shoulder. “Adam…” he said slowly.

Adam swallowed.  “All right, Pa.  I’m sorry, Joe.”

Ben smiled at Joe and walked out of the room.

Joe sat beside the bed and watched his brother.  Adam tried to eat the way he always had.  But without sight he had a hard time finding his food.  His fork failed to pick up the eggs and Adam contemplated just eating with his finger.  Then he remembered that Joe was still in the room and he attempted to use his fork again.  Joe watched trying to eat and finally could stand it no longer.  “Here, Adam.” He reached out his hand and took the fork from his brother’s hand.  “Let me help you.”

“I don’t need your help!”  Adam grabbed the fork back.  “I can do it myself.”

“Adam!” Joe exclaimed.  “Please!”  He did not want to tell Adam that he could not handle it.  But he still wanted to help.

“Joe,” Adam answered.  He knew that he could not eat properly but it irked him that this young kid would have to help him eat.  “Why don’t you just leave me alone?”  His voice was sharp and angry and it caused Joe’s heart to break.

But this time Joe was willing to accept that Adam did not want him to be near him.  He saw the horror that Adam was experiencing just trying to eat breakfast.  Usually such a normal and easy thing for anyone to do, Adam was suffering just trying to get food on his fork.  Adam’s groping hand reached for his coffee cup.  He was unaware that Joe pushed it within the grasp of his outstretched hand.  Adam heard his brother stand up.  Then he raised the cup to his lips, drank some of the liquid, sputtered and shouted “Joe!!”

Joe turned back.  “Yes?”

“This coffee is COLD!”  Adam shouted angrily.

“We didn’t want you to burn yourself.”  Joe patiently explained.

“Do you expect me to drink it?”  Adam demanded.

“Adam.”  Joe begged.

“Get me a new cup…hot!”  Adam ordered.

Ben Cartwright had heard his son shout and had come running up the stairs.  He heard Adam order a hot coffee and walked into the room before Joe could reply.  “I had that coffee made, Adam.”  Ben said quietly.

“Pa…”  Adam started.

“Adam.”  Ben said sternly.

Adam said no more.  He just drank his cold coffee in silence.

Adam fell asleep after Joe removed his breakfast tray.  His head throbbed and he felt hot.  His dreams were chased with images of himself riding his spirited horse, roping the cattle for the drive, working, smiling, and laughing with his brothers and the hired hands.

When he woke up his father was sitting next to his bed.  He did not notice it, though, until Ben spoke.  “How are you feeling, son?”

“All right, I guess.”  Adam replied shifting uncomfortably in the bed.

“What’s wrong?”  Ben placed his hand on his son’s arm.

“I can’t take much more of this!”  Adam sat straight up in the bed.  “I’m going to die from inactivity!”

“Adam!”  Ben exclaimed gripping his sons arm tightly.  “The doctor told us to keep you still!”

“Pa, I can’t live like this!”  Adam passed his hand in front of his sightless eyes.

“Son, I know.”  Ben said softly.

“No, you don’t.”  Adam answered.  “You don’t know what it is like to be blind.”

Ben Cartwright was silent.  It was true he was not blind nor had he ever been.  But his heart ached for his beloved first born son.  Once this young man had been active and full of life.  Now he sat in the bed restless and upset.  He had a new nervous habit of passing his hand in front of his eyes and Ben could just imagine his son trying to tear away the blindness.

Then Joe opened the door slightly and peeked his head in.  “Pa,” he spoke softly as he always did in Adam’s presence.  “Dr. Martin is here and he wants to see you.”

Ben sighed.  “Stay with Adam, Joe.”

Joe nodded and sat next to his brother as their father slipped out of the room.  “Want me to read to you, Adam?”  Joe asked desiring to help his injured older brother.

Adam fell back against the pillow.  “If you want to,” he limply replied and Joe picked up his brother’s copy of Shakespeare that Adam had lying on his dresser.

Downstairs Doctor Paul Martin was waiting for Ben.  He looked up as Ben came down the stairs and walked towards him.  “Doc.”  Ben greeted his friend.

“How is he, Ben?”  Dr. Martin was brisk and businesslike as usual.

Ben shook his head.  “Not good I’m afraid, Doc.”

“Oh?”

“Well, he always was an energetic youth.”  Ben tried to explain his sons plight to the doctor.  “And now that he is laid up in bed, well, he’s…”

“I know.”  Dr. Martin nodded.  “He’s restless, unable to keep still , dying from inactivity.”

“How did you know?”

“I’ve seen this before.”  Paul Martin replied.

“What do we do for him?”  Ben asked anxiously.

“Well…I should see him first.”

“Come on, then, Paul.”  Ben lead the doctor toward the stairs.  “Joe’s sitting with him, now.”

Adam’s face felt hot and he tossed his head restlessly.  His brother’s voice reading Shakespeare was grating on his nerves.  Joe had never liked the bard and, although he wanted to do his best, his voice expressed his boredom.  “Stand you awhile aloof.—–Cesario, thou know’st no less but all; I have unclasp’d to thee the book even of my secret soul: Therefore, good youth, address they gait unto her: Be not denied access, stand at her doors…”

“Oh, do shut up!”  Adam finally exclaimed.  “I’ve never heard a worse reading of Twelfth Night in my whole life!  If you can’t read it right, don’t read it at all!”

“Adam, I’m just trying to help you!”  Joe answered tears in his eyes.  “Please…”

“Just go, Joe!’  Adam replied, angrily.  “Go away and leave me alone!”

Joe put the book down on the bed and silently left the room.

Ben and Dr. Martin were waiting outside the room.  “We heard everything.”  Ben said softly.

“He’s in a terrible mood.”  Joe said sadly.  “I tried to read to him but I can’t read it the way he wants.  He told me to just leave him alone.”

Dr. Martin looked over at Joe.  “Perhaps I had better go in.”

“I don’t know if that is such a good idea.”  Ben looked concerned.  “He’s throwing a tantrum now.”

Paul Martin looked at the closed door and raised his eyebrows slightly.  “I’m a doctor, Ben,” he replied.  “I think I can fix that.”

Ben sighed.  “All right, then.  But do be careful.”

“Don’t worry.”  Paul opened the bedroom door and entered the room.

Adam turned his head as he heard Dr. Martin close the door behind him.  “Joe, I told you to get out of here!” He exclaimed hotly.  “Jut leave me alone!”  Paul remained silent.  “Joe!”  Adam shouted again.  “Joe!  Answer me!”

When Paul would not say a word, wondering how far Adam’s temper tantrum would go, Adam picked up the book Joe had left on the bed and hurled it towards the door.  He missed the man by a yard and the mirror smashed the mirror hanging on the wall.

Paul picked up the book and walked quietly towards Adam.  “That wasn’t bad.” He said softly.  “A week or two maybe and you’ll be hitting your target.”  For Paul believed that Adam would be well again.

“Paul?”  Adam asked, once again trying to tear away the blindness in his eyes.

“That’s right, Adam.”  Paul Martin answered.  “Now may I make an examination or…do you have more missiles to launch at me?”

Adam tried to laugh but all he managed was a weak smile.  “No…No, I don’t have any more…ahem…missiles.  Come on over, Doc.”

Dr. Martin walked over to the bed and washed his hands in the basin.  Adam pulled himself up in the bed and turned his head towards the doctor.  “Will I ever be able to see again?”

Paul shook his head.  “I don’t know, Adam.  Here just turn your head slightly and let me see the swelling on the back of your head.”

Adam turned so that his back was to the doctor and Paul, gently pulling back his hair, was able to see the bump the falling tree had left on the young man’s head.  Paul shook his head at the size of the lump.  He was hoping that the swelling would go down but it looked no better than it had the night before.  “Adam,” he advised  “I want you to bathe this lump every night with cold water.”

“Yes, Doctor.”  Adam was suddenly meek.

“And you have to stay quiet.”  Dr. Martin continued.

“But, Doctor…” Adam started to protest.

“That’s all, Adam.”  Paul Martin walked out of the room closing the door behind him.

“Well?”  Ben asked anxiously.  “I heard glass breaking.”

Paul smiled at Ben.  “He threw a book at me.”

“Did he…?”

“He missed.”

“Oh!”  Ben breathed a sigh of relief.  “How is he doing now?”

Paul shook his head.  “Not well.  The swelling on the back of his head worries me.  I want you to bathe it every night with cold water.”

Ben nodded.

“I know he’s anxious to get up.”  Paul continued.  “But let him get used to the dark before you allow him.  Then he can sit on the porch and the porch only.”

Ben nodded again gratefully.  “Thank you, Doctor.”

“That’s all I can do for you here.”  Paul walked down the steps and out the door.  “But if Adam starts having problems send someone for me.”

Ben nodded as he watched Paul leave.  “Thank you.”  He repeated.

But if the family had hoped that Adam would start getting easier to handle with the visit of the doctor they were wrong.  Paul’s desire for Adam to stay quiet irked the young man to no end.  Furthermore his woeful news that Adam might never see again threw the man into a deep dark depression.  The slightest kind word or gentle touch and Adam had a fit of temper.  Worst of all Adam was snappish towards Joe and Ben feared that his eldest son recalled the accident and his youngest brother’s part in it.

“Joe, if I told you once, I told you a thousand times GET OUT OF HERE and LEAVE ME ALONE!!”  Ben could hear Adam shouting from the upstairs bedroom.

No amount of Joe’s pleading could sway Adam’s persistent command for his brother to leave.  So the youngest Cartwright silently left his brother’s room and walked down the stairs with his head hung low and his hands clenching and unclenching.

Hoss tried to comfort his younger brother but Joe snapped angrily, “Hoss, I’m all right!  Just leave me alone!” and then he stormed out of the house.

Ben sighed, walked towards Hoss and placed a hand on his son’s shoulder.  “You’re brother’s pretty upset, Hoss.”

“But why, Pa?” Hoss asked puzzled by Joe’s strange attitude.  After all Joe had not done anything wrong.  It was just an accident.

“It’s guilt, son.  Joe caused Adam’s blindness and now he’s angry at himself for what he did, even though it was not his fault.  Let him go.  He’ll get over it.”

Hoss smiled.  “I hope so, Pa.  I shore hope so.”

Outside Joe leant against the side of the house and wiped his sleeve across his eyes.  His heart was close to the breaking point and his lower lip quivered.  He knew that upstairs his brother lay in the darkness, a darkness that he had caused.

Joe’s brain was reeling between sorrow, anger and guilt.  Sorrow for his poor brother, anger at his brother for refusing his help, and guilt over the pain he had caused Adam.  Joe wanted to scream, “Adam! You fool! Let me help you!”  He wanted to ease his guilty conscience and Adam refused to let him.

Joe’s eyes traveled over the ranch and came to rest at last on a little bird hopping along on the ground.  He wondered why the bird did not attempt to fly away but then he realized that the bird had a broken wing.  Joe walked over to the bird and gently scooped it up in his hand.

He entered the kitchen intent on bandaging the bird’s wing despite Hop Sing’s protests.  It was while Joe was placing a splint on the bird that he realized how much like Adam the bird was.  The bird had lost its wing, a thing very important to it.  Adam had lost his sight, a thing very important to him.  Yet, the bird had learned how to adjust by walking along on the ground.  Well, if the bird had learned how to live without its wing could not Adam do the same?  Joe believed he could but he just had to discover how.

The he remembered Gabrielle Wickham, a little blind girl that the Cartwright’s had helped.  She did very well without her sight but he could not recall how she had done it.

“Joe, you take bird out of Hop Sing’s kitchen and take more water up to Mista Adam.”  Hop Sing was quite agitated with Joe.

“Adam, don’t want me around.”  Joe said sadly slipping into improper English.

“No care.”  Hop Sing answered.  “You just take water to Number One Brother.”

“All right.  All right.”  Joe set the bird gently on the table and took a water pitcher from Hop Sing.  “Watch the bird, will you, Hop Sing?”

“You no worry ‘bout bird.”  Hop Sing answered.  “You worry ‘bout brother.”

“I am worried about my brother.”  Joe walked sadly and slowly out of the kitchen and headed towards the stairs.

He opened his brother’s door and entered the room.  Adam lay silently, his eyes closed, his hands crossed over his chest.  He turned his head as he heard Joe replace his empty water pitcher with a full one.  He figured that it was his youngest brother because Joe always accomplished all his tasks without ever speaking a word.  Hoss and Ben, on the other hand, always spoke gentle, reassuring words to the blind man as they went about doing their work.

Adam refused to speak to his brother because somewhere lurking in the back of his mind was the final realization that Joe had been involved in his accident.  At last some part of it was coming back to him.  He could remember a tree falling, could hear Joe shouting “TIMBER!!”  He felt himself falling, calling out his brother’s name and then a dull thud on the back of his head as he fell underneath the tree.

“Joe!”  Adam sat straight up and turned towards his brother.  “Joe!  Stop what you’re doing right now and talk to me!”

“Of course I will, Adam.”  Joe replied sitting down, glad to talk to his brother.

But what Adam wanted to talk about Joe did not.  “Tell me what happened the day of the accident!”

“Adam…” Joe’s face fell.  He shifted slightly in his chair.

Adam reached out and grabbed Joe’s arm tightly.  “Joe, tell me, tell me now!”

“Adam!!”  Joe exclaimed as his brother’s fingers dug into his arm.  Adam had spanked Joe, of course, but other than that he had never hurt his younger brother.  But now Adam’s fingers closed tighter around his arm and Joe gasped involuntarily at the pain.

Adam sensed, then, what he was doing to his brother and he quickly released Joe’s arm.  “I’m…I’m sorry, Joe.” He murmured falling back on the pillow.

“It’s all right, Adam.”  Joe replied.  He stood up and started to walk towards the door.  Then he looked back at his brother, lying still and quiet again on the pillow.  “Adam,” Joe ventured to ask.  “How did you know where I was?”

“I don’t know.”  Adam replied unhappily.  “I sensed where you were, I guess.”

“I understand.”  Joe said walking out and shutting the door behind him.  Suddenly the solution that had been puzzling him came to him.  Gabrielle Wickham had managed to ‘see’ by using her ears.  She had heard Hop Sing fall over the chair and knew it was him.  Yes, that was it! The solution to his problem.  Now, if he could only make Adam understand that.

The water was wide and so beautiful.  The sky above him was blue and dotted with white clouds.  The sun was yellow and very warm bathing him in its glow.  The grass under his feet was green and soft with some brightly colored wildflowers growing loosely among it.  A tree grew in the distance tall and strong with large branches that spread in all directions.  Adam stood still and just let the wind rush over him, tossing his hair as it blew over the land.  He was content and happy.

Then he woke up expecting to see the sun streaming through his open window.  What he saw was nothingness, a black vat of space and Adam Cartwright wept.

Joe was unable to sleep.  He kept tossing and turning in his bed.  In his mind lurked the picture of the tree falling on his brother blotting out his brother’s sight.  He heard Adam shout out his name then the deadly silence as the elder Cartwright blacked out.  He heard the doctor’s diagnosis again and his heart once again sank to his feet.  When he did finally fall asleep he relieved the accident in his dreams.  He kept hearing his voice shout out “TIMBER!”  Kept seeing Adam trying to move but his foot was caught in a vine and he tripped collapsing in the path of the falling tree.  “Adam, watch out!”  Joe shouted and sat up quickly.  He looked around and sighed.  He was alone in his bedroom lying in the stillness of the dark.  But across the hall lay his brother a prisoner forever in the darkness and a tear glistened in Joe’s eyes.

Unable to sleep Joe got out of bed and turned up the lamp light.  He sat motionless on the side of his bed then standing up he walked out of his room, down the hall toward Adam.

He opened his brother’s door and peeked in.  Adam lay on his back, his eyes closed.  Joe walked over to his brother’s side and looked down at him for a moment.  A smile played along the corner of Adam’s mouth and he slept peacefully.  Joe’s eyes searched Adam’s face.  He wondered what his brother was dreaming about.  Whatever it was, it was a wonderful dream, a peaceful dream and Little Joe suddenly felt tired.  He sat in the chair next to his sleeping brother just watching Adam.  His eyes felt heavy and then they closed.  For the first time since the accident Little Joe was able to actually sleep.  Being near Adam seemed to help Joe.  This way he could help Adam if the older Cartwright needed anything.

Joe Cartwright woke up with a start.  He heard the sound of weeping and he turned towards the bed.  His older brother lay on his back, his sightless eyes staring at the ceiling, tears streaming from them.  Joe sat silent for several minutes, then he whispered “Adam?”

“What?”  Adam gasped.  “Who’s there?”

“It’s just me, Adam.”  Little Joe replied.

“What do you want?”  Adam demanded wiping his eyes.  He was ashamed that his youngest brother and seen him crying.

“I want to help you.”  Joe answered.

“Help me?”  Adam asked.  “Now that’s a laugh.  I’m blind, little brother, remember that?  Blind!  Unable to see! Remember?”

Little Joe sat silently for several moments.  Then he turned up the bedside lamp, picked up his brother’s book, and very quietly turned the pages.

Adam lay in bed waiting for his brother to say something after his outburst.  When Joe made no reply Adam was curious and wanted to make sure that Joe was still in the room.  So he asked his brother, “What are you doing?”

Little Joe was silent.  Somehow he knew that Adam had a new gift, a very special gift.  And he was determined to prove to Adam how he could use that gift.

“You tell me.”  Joe finally answered.

“What?”  Adam exclaimed.

“You want to know what I’m doing.  You tell me.”

“How?”

“Use your ears.”

“You’re joshing me.”

“I am not!  Go ahead! Try it!”

Adam was silent for several moments.  Joe continued his page turning very quietly and smiled.  “Well…”  Adam finally answered.  “You’re…you’re reading.”

“That’s right!”  Joe exclaimed.  “Good job, Adam that was wonderful!”

For the first time since the accident Adam really smiled.  “Did I do that?”

Joe patted his brother’s hand gently.  “Yes you did it, Adam.  You can do it.”

“What do you mean?”  Adam asked.

“Well,” Joe smiled.  “You have a new gift special gift.”

“What?”  Adam asked curiously.

“You can see with your ears!”

“I can?”

Joe nodded.

“I can!”  Adam exclaimed.  “You just nodded your head!”

“Yes, I did.”  Joe agreed.  “Now tell me how did you know?”

“I heard your hair brush against your shirt.”  Adam replied.

“Adam,” Joe said softly.  “See what I mean?”

Adam nodded.  “Joe,” he whispered.  “Joe, you have done me a great favor.”

Joe’s eyes lit up.  “I have.”

Adam nodded again.  “I was lying here in the dark pitying myself because I was blind.  Then you came in and showed me how mistaken I was.  You put meaning back into my life and taught me a lesson I will never forget.  Thank you.”

Joe’s heart leapt and his face glowed happily.  From causing the accident to giving his brother hope, Joe had suffered.  But now he was truly happy.

“Joe?”  Adam called.  He was struggling to sit up in bed but he turned his face towards the open door.  “Joe?”

Joe dashed up the stairs toward his brother’s room and walked in.  “Adam!” he exclaimed startled.  “What are you doing up?  Doc told us to keep you quiet.”

Adam smiled at his younger brother.  “Last night you helped me to see again.  Today I want to get up and eat breakfast with the rest of the family.”

“Is that such a good idea, Adam?”  Joe inquired anxiously.  Would his brother be able to feel his way enough to eat?  Would he be able to find his knife, fork, and plate?  Or would he blunder and make a fool of himself in front of his father and brother?  Joe loved Adam dearly and did not want his brother embarrassing himself.

“Joe,”  Adam stood up shakily, his hands gripping the chair next to his bed.  “Joe, don’t worry about me.  I’ll be all right.  Now are you going to help me or do I walk down those stairs myself.”

Joe did not any time to decide.  He walked towards his brother and wrapped an arm securely around the older Cartwright’s shoulders.  “I help you.”  He replied.

Adam smiled.  He walked carefully toward the door clutching tightly to his brother.  This was a new experience for him, walking in the dark.  Before the accident he could always turn up the light but now no one could turn on the lights.  Joe understood his brother’s fear and helped him carefully down the stairs toward the dining table.

Ben looked up as his sons walked toward the table together.  Joe walked carefully beside the settee, the stopped at the table next to Adam’s place.  He pulled out the chair and helped his brother into it.  Adam smiled up at Joe, and then reached for his silverware.  They were not there and he turned his head towards his father’s place across the table.  “Pa?”  he asked.  “Could I have some silverware?”

Ben stood up and walked towards his son.  “Adam, are you sure that you should be down here?”

“Pa,” Adam smiled up at his father.  “Pa, I’m quite sure.  Now how about that silverware?”

“Well, all right.”  Ben walked towards the kitchen.  He came back with silverware, a plate, and a glass.  He set the plate down and the glass next to it.  Then the silverware he placed gently in its proper places.

Adam smiled up at his father.  “Thank you, Pa.”  he picked up his plate and handed it to Hoss,  “Hoss, could I have some of those eggs?”

“Shore, Adam.”  Hoss piled the plate with eggs and bacon.  Then he handed the plate back to Adam.  Joe filled his glass with water and Adam, picking up his fork, started to eat.  Ben, Hoss, and Joe watched him anxiously.  Adam missed his mouth once and laughed at himself.  Then he turned towards his father and Joe.

“Why don’t you eat breakfast?”  he asked.  “Can’t you see I’m all right?”

Ben nodded and Joe patted his brother’s shoulder.  “All right, Adam.”  Joe smiled and he and Ben walked towards their chairs.  Still they could not help watching Adam as he continued eating.  The rest of the meal went on uneventfully.  Except for little minor accidents that Adam made, including once knocking over his water glass, the rest of the Cartwright’s almost forgot that Adam’s hazel eyes saw nothing.

“Hear that bird?”  Adam asked.  He and his family were sitting outside on the porch that night.

Joe listened.  Then he winked at his father.  “Where is it?”  he asked Adam.

Adam was silent for a moment.  Then he smiled and pointed to a tree growing beside the porch.  “There.” He answered.

Joe looked at the tree.  Sure enough the gaily decorated bird was perched in the tree singing its heart out.  Joe smiled and Ben squeezed his eldest son’s arm.  “Good job, son!”  Ben was enthusiastic.  “Very good job!”

Adam smiled and leant back in his chair.  There was a very tender bump on the back of his head that still pained him.  He kept hoping that the swelling would go down but so far it had not.  “Pa, could I have some water?” he inquired.  “We should try to reduce this lump.”

Ben looked over at his son.  “Let me see it, Adam.” He anxiously peered at it.  “Hmmm.  Yes, we’ll try some cold water.”

Ben walked into the house and towards the kitchen where he filled a tub with cold water, took a rag from Hop Sing, and walked back out to his sons.  The sun had started sinking in the sky and Adam lifted his head to view it with a smile.  “The suns starting to go down.” He announced to his family.

“How can you tell?”  Ben inquired setting the basin on the table.

Adam smiled.  Here he had an advantage over his father and brothers.  “Two ways.” He answered. “One is the way the suns rays hit my face.”  Ben smiled and his son continued.  “The second way is the birds.  They have a special call when the sun starts to sink.”

Ben looked at Adam for a moment his eyes moist.  Then he dampened the rag in the water and applied it to the back of Adam’s head.

The pressure he applied was gentle but firm and Adam winced slightly.  He turned to his father when Ben finished.  “Thank you, Pa.”

“You’re welcome, son.” Ben replied.  Then he put his arm around Adam’s shoulders.  “Ready for bed?”

Ordinarily Adam sat up and read or played his guitar and sang.  But today he was so tired and so he nodded and stood up.  “I’m ready, Pa.”

Ben smiled sadly and took his son’s hand in his own leading him gently into the house and towards his room.

“Morning, Pa.”  Adam came down the stairs still a little unsure of his footing but tall and straight again.

“Good morning, Adam.”  Ben stood up and started to walk toward his son.

Adam smiled.  “Go back to your seat, Pa.  I can manage.”

Ben watched his son proudly.  Adam, although still unable to see, was able to make his way to the breakfast table unassisted.  He was even able to eat his breakfast without a single mishap.

“You know, Pa.”  Adam finished his eggs, set down his fork and picked up his cup of hot coffee.  “I’m actually getting used to living in the dark.”

Joe choked on his water and Adam smiled at him.  “This morning I thought I saw sunlight.”  Adam continued.  “Joe, did you leave my window open last night?”

“How did you know I was in your room last night?”  Joe asked surprised.  He thought he had been quiet so as not to disturb his sleeping brother.

“I heard you.”  Adam replied simply.  “You’re not as quiet as you thought you were.”

Joe smiled.  “Yes.”  He admitted.  “I opened the window last night.”

“Thank you, Joe.”  Adam was grateful.  “The air felt so good.  Pa, would you mind if I sat outside for awhile?”

Ben pushed back his chair.  “Of course you can, son.  Do you need any help?”

Adam smiled towards his father’s voice.  “Just from the door to the porch chair.  I can make it to the door.”

Joe stood up quickly.  “I’ll go with Adam, Pa.  Hoss and I have work to do anyway.”

Ben nodded at Joe.  Then he, too, stood up walked past Adam and patted him on the shoulder.  “Enjoy the air, son.”

Adam smiled again.  “I will.  Thanks, Pa.”

Then Ben walked to his desk and sat in the chair behind it.  He picked up his paperwork but his eyes watched Adam.  The young man was actually laughing as he handed Hop Sing his plates.  “Very good to see you, Mista Adam.”  Hop Sing took Adam’s coffee cup.  “House not same with you not fightin’ with Little Joe.”

Adam laughed.  “I’m glad to be up too, Hop Sing.  You’re eggs never taste the same if I’m eating them in bed.”  Then he stood up and walked towards the door.

Outside he stumbled only once a he and Joe made their way to the porch chair.  Joe clutched his brother’s arm tighter and Adam laughed at himself “Clumsy!” he insulted himself and Joe managed to crack a smile.

He had not gotten over the guilt he felt at causing his brother’s blindness.  And although Adam had told him “Everything is all right” Joe could never forgive himself for the harm he had caused his beloved older brother.

Joe carefully helped Adam sink into the chair then he turned to work with Hoss in the barn.  Adam leant his head against the back of the chair and tilted his head upwads toward the sky.  He knew it was blue and dotted with white clouds but he could not see it.  He heard a bird whistling beside him and turning he whistled back.

For a long time Adam sat enjoying the smell of the trees and the voices of nature.  Then his eyes slowly closed and he fell asleep.

It was such a wonderful dream.  He dreamt that he could see again.  The sun was just rising towards noonday and he looked up at it with a laugh, waving his arm and basking in its glow.  Beside him grew a tree tall and firm and Adam marveled at the beauty of the pine.  A bird sang gaily from its green boughs and his wandering eyes took in its bright colors.

Then his eyes traveled over the ranch.  He saw the barn, the corral, the bunkhouse and his heart leapt for joy as he looked up at the ranch house that he had designed years ago.  Oh, life had new meaning for the man again.

But then he woke up and the dream had disappeared.  What he faced was reality, a stark cold reality.  It was still dark for him but he could see a little bit of light far off in the distance.  It looked like sunshine and Adam rubbed his eyes vigorously striving to focus those sightless orbs.  He heard the door close and footsteps coming toward him.

“Pa. is the sun still shining?”  Adam inquired.

Ben Cartwright had ceased to be amazed at his son’s uncanny ability to distinguish which of the family was approaching.  He knew that it was Joe who had snapped the older Cartwright out of his depression but he was not sure it Joe was the person behind Adam’s new sense of sight.  “Yes, son.”  Ben replied.  “It’s almost noon.”

“Good heavens!”  Adam exclaimed.  “I’ve slept for much too long.”

Ben smiled sadly.  His son, unable to see to read or work had very little to do except sleep.  “Do you want something to eat, Adam?”

Adam smiled.  “Yes.  Thank you, Pa.”  His father grasped his arm tightly and helped him toward the house.  “Pa.”  Adam asked as they walked inside.  “How is Sport?”

“Sport is fine, Adam.”  Joe opened the door for his father and brother.  “Hoss and me been exercising him daily.”

“Hoss and I.”  Adam admonished gently.  “Have been exercising him.”

“Yes, teacher.”  Joe teased.  And Adam led by the sound of his brother’s voice carefully tapped Joe’s chin.

“I really want to ride again.”  Adam voiced one of his greatest wishes.

“I don’t know, Adam.”  Ben was doubtful.

“Please, Pa.”  Joe begged his father when Adam fell silent.  “I’ll go out with him if you want.”

“You’re brother does not need you, I’m sure.”  Ben stood up for his eldest son.  “That’s not what’s worrying me.”

“What does, then?”  Adam inquired grateful for his father’s confidence in him.

“Doc told us to keep you still.”  Ben replied.  “He said you could sit on the porch but that’s all.”

Adam frowned.  “I feel like a caged animal.” He muttered as he started to eat.

Ben sat eating in silence.  His fatherly heart ached as he watched his once active son who he had denied the freedom of riding.  Surely a brisk ride could do Adam more good than harm.  Still Doc Martin had warned them about moving Adam too much.  “He’s still a very weak man.”  Paul Martin had told Ben.  “I would not let him do too much too soon.  Let him sit on the porch but don’t let him try anything else yet.  Adam still needs to learn how to maneuver in his new dark before you could let him go explore again.”

Ben paused in his recollection.  His son had learned how to live in the dark.  Adam could dress himself, come down the stairs, and eat meals without having any mishaps.  Why couldn’t he explore the outside world more?

Finally, just as the family finished their midday meal Ben addressed Adam.  “If you still want to take that ride, son, I’ll have Joe saddle Sport.”

Adam looked over at his father his face glowing.  “Can I, Pa?” he asked.

Ben smiled.  “Yes, son.”

“Joe!”  Adam gasped.  “Saddle my horse!  I’m going riding.”

“Want me to go with him, Pa?  Hoss inquired as his brother’s disappeared.

Ben shook his head.  “No, Hoss.  Let him go alone and tell Joe to do the same.  He’ll be all right.”  And deep down inside Ben knew he would.

Adam’s heart was light and he sang joyfully as he rode proudly along on his majestic steed, Sport.  He was out of the house, away from the loving hands of his father and brothers.  He was grateful that they worried so much about him but they bothered the moody melancholic man who craved his own personal space.

He stopped when he heard another horse approaching and pulled back into the brush and rocks surrounding the road.  The rider had seen him though and called out to him “Adam! Adam Cartwright!” and Adam’s face broke into a happy smile as he cantered toward his visitor.

“Sheriff.” He acknowledged Roy Coffee the sheriff of Virginia City.  “What brings you out here?”

“A ride to see how you are doing.”  Roy replied.

“I’m fine.”  Adam assured the sheriff.

“You must be.”  Roy surveyed the man before him critically.  “Riding alone and all.”

Adam smiled as he looked towards his friend’s voice.  But what was this?  Had voices grown shadows?  Adam could have sworn that he saw Sheriff Coffee’s shadow against the sun.  He shook his head.  No, it must have been his imagination.  He was blind!

And yet the whole way home, with Sheriff Coffee riding beside him Adam kept seeing—if you want to call it seeing—two things.  A flicker of light far off in the distance and the shadows of things he passed.  That rock beside the trail or the tree ahead that Sport turned aside to avoid hitting left shadows for him.  Suddenly his heart leapt, was it too much to hope for or was he regaining his sight?  He decided not to let this hope get the better of him and wait to see what morning would bring.

With the morning came the sunlight streaming through his open bedroom window.  And this time when Adam opened his eyes he saw not the dark he had been experiencing but instead a bright light.  It penetrated deep within him, warming him with its glow and Adam felt alive again.

He sprung out of bed hoping to be able to see everything.  Most of his world was still dark, but now he could make out shadows and the shadows were his world.  Adam did not mind.  So long as he could still see the bright sunlight that gave him hope, Adam was happy.

At breakfast that morning the family said little.  Usually they would discuss the days work ahead, but since Adam’s accident Ben, Joe, and Hoss talked business out of the young man’s earshot.  Oh, there was a remark or two about the weather and Hop Sing’s excellent breakfast but little else was said.

Today Adam could see the sunlight in the window behind his father.  It might not have been very bright but he could see it and he could see his father’s shadow, too.  He smiled as he watched his father eat and then he turned from Hoss to Joe.  He could make out their shadows, too, and his heart felt lighter.

But he had a headache and when Joe suggested he sit on the porch again Adam declined.  “What’s wrong, Adam?”  Joe asked worried.

Adam smiled at his brother.  “I’m all right, Joe.” He assured his youngest brother.  “My head just throbs a little.”

“Most likely the bump on your head.”  Ben stood up and walked toward his son.  “Let me see it.”

Adam flinched slightly as Ben carefully parted his son’s hair and examined the lump on his head.  “It’s not as big as it once was.”  Ben assured Adam.  “In fact it’s almost gone.  But I’ll get some water and we’ll bathe it a few more times.”

He walked into the kitchen and brought back a basin of water.  The rag he placed on his son’s head was cold and comfortable.  When his father had finished Adam stood up with a smile.  “I’m all right now, Pa.”  He assured his father.  The he looked over at Joe.  “I think I might sit outside after all, Little Joe.  Ready?”

Joe took his brother’s arm.  “Adam, I…” he helped his brother outside.

“Joe, we’ve been through this before.”  Adam smiled.  “It’s all right.  Really it is.”

Joe assisted Adam only slightly as the older man sank into the porch chair then Joe turned and reentered the house.

Adam was enjoying his slowly returning sight.  The sunlight had pierced through his darkness making it bright and happy again.  Now he could see the shadow of the birds that sang so gaily at his elbow.  He could see the scent of the trees whose scent he had so enjoyed.  He leant back in the chair just letting his eyes wander over the ranch trying to bring the shadows into focus.

He felt so successful when he saw one of the horses.  He really saw the horse.  It was a milky white colt that Hoss had let into the corral.  Adam almost laughed with delight when the horse came fully into his sights.

Adam stood up and walked toward the horse.  He let himself into the corral, the gate was fuzzy but he was able to find it, and he walked over to the colt.  He knelt next to it and wrapped his arms around the animal.

“You beautiful…beautiful beast.”  Adam hugged the horse gaily.  “You are the most wonderful sight in the whole world.  What’s your name, girl?  What did Hoss and Joe name you, huh?”  Then he turned towards the barn.  “Joe! Hoss!” he called.

Joe came running out of the barn Hoss close behind him.  Both brothers’ were a little worried.  Joe’s heart leapt into his throat as he saw Adam’s empty chair.  What had happened to his brother?  Had Adam attempted to walk into the house alone and lost his footing falling somewhere out of sight?  Joe and Hoss rushed toward the house when they heard a voice call “Not over there, Joe, Hoss.  Over here.”  And they turned to see their brother calmly leaning against the corral fence.  He waved to them and they rushed over.

Adam was smiling at then, actually smiling.  Joe had not seen his brother so happy in a long, long time.  Adam’s face practically glowed with joy and he was pulling off one of his famous leans against the fence.

“Adam!”  Joe called rushing to the corral.  “Adam!  What are you doing away from the porch?  How did you get out here?”

“I walked.”  Adam coolly replied brushing a speck of imaginary dust off of his suit.

“But…but…” Joe stammered.

Adam, placing one hand on the fence leapt over the gate to stand next to his brothers.  “Joe, I can see again!”

Hoss was too surprised to say anything and Joe stood with his mouth hanging open.  Adam laughed.  “Joe, you look like the fish we catch in Lake Tahoe.”

Joe snapped his mouth shut.  “Adam, are you sure?  Can you really see?”

Adam nodded.

“How many fingers am I holding up?”  Joe held up four fingers.

“Four.”  Adam answered.

“You can see!”  Joe exclaimed.

Adam nodded again.  “It’s still a little fuzzy, Joe.  But I can see!”  he breathed the words savoring every moment of it as he rolled the glorious sentence off of his tongue.  “I can see!”

Yes, Doctor Paul Martin agreed when he arrived at the house, Adam had regained his sight.

“It’s a miracle!”  Hoss and Joe exclaimed.

But Doctor Martin was more practical.  “The lump on the back of his head was the key.”  He told the happy Cartwright family.  “When the tree crashed into the back oh his head it must have fallen on the part of his skull just above the optic nerve.  The lump that formed was some type of blockage, maybe some type of fluid buildup that pressed on his optic nerve temporarily voiding out his sight.  Then when the swelling went down and whatever the obstruction was dissipated, the optic nerves returned to normal and his sight was restored.”

Adam grasped the doctor’s hand.  “Thank you so much, Paul.”

Paul Martin smiled at the happy young man.  “Take it easy for awhile, Adam.”  You don’t want to strain your eyes too much too soon.”

“I won’t.”  Adam promised.

“What can he do?”  Ben wanted to know.

“Well, ride a little, work, of course.  He won’t just stand around if I know Adam.”  Paul smiled and Adam nodded.  “But don’t read anything for another week, Adam.”  Adam frowned.  “It’ll help you, Adam.”  Doctor Martin advised.

“He’ll do it.”  Ben said quickly for his son.

“Yes, I’ll do it.”  Adam agreed.  “I don’t want this to happen again.”

Paul smiled as he prepared to leave the house.  “Watch yourself and it won’t.”

Adam’s sight fully returned within a week.  He was once again working, riding, and laughing with his family and the other men.  Adam stayed his own moody self but he and Joe built a better, stronger bond.  Adam was able to appreciate his sight more and he was grateful for his brothers and his father.  Joe was able to appreciate Adam more and he was also more careful at work and play.

THE END