Summary: The period of Adam Cartwright’s life from Marie’s arrival at the Ponderosa until after Joe’s  birth.
Rating:  G  (158,640 words)

---

The Solitary Way

 

CHAPTER 1

The cool water of the stream looked inviting as it meandered its way around the gravel banks and between the aspen.  Every now and again there would be a soft splash as a fish jumped but otherwise there were only the sounds of a summer afternoon, a cricket now and again, a blue jay cackling in the brush.  Two boys who had been swimming were now idling beside the stream.  One of them selected a flat stone and sent it out across the water.  The stone skimmed across the stream, bouncing twice before it disappeared.  The small stocky boy who had thrown it clapped his hands and looked up at his older brother for confirmation of his prowess.

“Hey, you’re getting the idea.  A few more practices and you’ll get it clear across the other side,”  the older boy smiled, offering his praise.

He uncoiled his long thin frame from the rock that he had been lounging against and stretched, before pulling on his shirt.  He was tall for eleven, or almost twelve, as he preferred to think of himself, with dark eyes set deep under black eyebrows and a mop of black hair, still damp from his swim.  His five-year-old brother, although tall, was by contrast thick-set and fairer, his fine brown hair falling into eyes.  He bent to choose a stone of his own and stepping to the water’s edge sent it skimming across the stream to within a foot of the other bank.

The younger boy looked on in amazement. “That skipped… five times.  Will I be able to do that?”

His brother nodded. “Yep, if you keep practising.  Maybe even more times than you can count,”  he grinned.

“I kin count to…to … hundreds,”  his little brother boasted.

“That’s good, ‘cos Pa’ll want to know that you’ve been doing your lessons when he gets back.”  He picked up his brother’s shirt and helped him on with it. “Talking of getting back, we’d better do just that or Mrs Shaughnessy will get mad, it must be nearly suppertime and we ain’t done our chores yet.”

“When’ll Pa be back?”  the little one asked, feeling sure his brother would know the answer.  Adam knew everything.  “I want to go home.”

“Yeah, so do I, Hoss.  So do I,”  his brother sighed.  “It shouldn’t be long now.  He said he’d send a letter when he knew he was almost ready to leave so that we’d get a couple of weeks’ notice to get the house opened up again.”

“Why cain’t I go over t’ the house with you?”  the younger one demanded.

Adam sighed.  “You know why.  It’s too far and I’m not supposed to go either so don’t you go talking about it.  I’ve been lucky so far, Jake ain’t seen me.  I only go to get my books and check on things.”

“But why’d you have to check?  I thought Jake, Jose and Charlie was there,”  Hoss persisted.

“Yeah, they are.  But I’m the oldest, its our ranch not theirs.  I’m the boss while Pa’s away,”  Adam said importantly.  He became thoughtful.  “I’m not sure they’re doing things properly but I don’t know how to sort it out without telling Mr Shaughnessy I’ve been there.”

Hoss wanted to laugh at the idea of his brother being the boss and telling Jake and Jose what to do, but seeing Adam’s serious expression decided it wouldn’t be wise.  He adored his older brother and believed he could do anything, but sometimes his moods would change so quickly.  He knew that if Adam’s black brows drew together in a frown and his eyes narrowed then anyone in reach had better watch out.  Adam rarely talked about his feelings;  he kept those to himself.  He was usually calm and controlled in his decisions but occasionally, when he was really angry, he would go very quiet and then Hoss knew to back off.  Hoss was sure that if he poked fun of his brother about being boss this could be one of those times.

“D’you think Pa’ll bring us anythin’?”  Hoss asked, changing the subject and allowing his face to light up at the thought.

Adam grinned, his sunny mood restored. “I’m sure he will, but I bet he asks if we’ve been good first.”

Hoss looked doubtful. “Do you think we have?  I mean good enough.”

The older boy frowned again. “Well….there was that time you got sick after stealing all those cookies… and…”

“I didn’t steal them!  Mrs Shaughnessy said I could have some,”  Hoss protested.

Adam laughed. “I don’t think she meant all of them.”

“Anyhow, it’s not as bad as you’ve bin,”  his little brother said smugly. “Pa’d be real mad if’n he knew you bin sneakin’ out at night ta meet Young Wolf.”

“You keep quiet and he won’t know, will he?”  his older brother said in a slightly threatening voice, his mood swinging again.

“What d’you do anyhow?”  Hoss asked, not in the least dismayed at his brother’s change of tone.

Adam shrugged. “Nuthin much, it’s just fun to be out after it’s dark and go hunting.  Young Wolf sneaks out, too, and he teaches me things.  We don’t do nuthin we shouldn’t.  So you keep still about it.”

As they talked, they walked steadily toward the Shaughnessy homestead until  the house was in sight.

“C’mon, I’ll race you back and we can see if there are more cookies for supper,”  Adam said,  giving his little brother a push and allowing him a head start.

 

The Shaughnessy house was solidly built but small with only two rooms and a loft, much the same in size and style as the boys  own home.  Brian Shaughnessy and his wife, Kathleen, had come out on a wagon train just a year after the Cartwrights and they had now been neighbours, if distant ones,  for almost four years.  Brian was a big man who had once worked in the coal mines but he’d traded everything he owned for this farm carved out of the wilderness;  although he barely scraped a living he loved every bit of it.  His wife Kathleen was strong and wiry and although Brian shouted loud it was Kathleen that ruled the roost.  Always ready to see the good in people she could nevertheless make grown men quake when she lost her temper and she took no nonsense from anyone.

It was almost twenty miles from the Shaughnessy house to his own but at least a dozen times during his father’s absence Adam had managed to sneak away for a day and had ridden north to visit.   When Ben Cartwright had found it necessary to take this long trip there had been no one nearer with whom he felt he could entrust the care of his sons.  The Shaughnessy’s had no children of their own and had always taken an interest in the two boys, so it had been no hardship for them to agree to watch over them. The Cartwright ranch was being taken care of by Ben’s two trusted employees, Jake and Jose, with help from Charlie a drifter who had stayed around for a while to cook and do odd jobs.

While they did their chores, Adam reflected on his father’s absence.  He had been gone almost six months and Adam missed him more than he allowed his younger brother to know.  He knew Pa had to sell their furs, but why in New Orleans?  Then he answered his own question:  Pa felt he owed a duty to Jean de Marigny.  Jean had worked with Ben for nearly two years and it had been a sad loss when he had been killed last winter.  As well as selling the furs, Ben  was going to call on Jean’s widow and his mother to tell them of his death and return his few possessions.

Adam couldn’t recall a time when he had been apart from his father for more than a couple of days at a time and this separation had been hard.  It wasn’t so much that he missed long talks; he had never been one to discuss his feelings with anyone, but he missed the security that his father gave.   He missed the lessons too.  He could read and study by himself but it wasn’t the same as hearing his father’s opinion of a book or a problem.  It couldn’t be much longer, could it?  Pa had promised that they would build the house they had planned before winter and in a little over three months there would be snow.  He and his father had designed the house together and Adam could picture the finished building in his mind’s eye right now.  It would be good to work together again, maybe even Hoss could help a little.  As he worked he dreamed of how it would be when Pa returned, just the three of them in their new home.

Chores finished the two boys headed toward the house.  At the door they stopped to wipe their feet.  Mrs Shaughnessy was very particular about her rugs which she had brought with her from Baltimore.  Inside Adam could hear voices and he heard his father’s name mentioned.  Without really meaning to he began to listen to the conversation.

“Well, I think Ben’s got a lot of nerve, expecting us to break the news to those boys to make it easier for him when he gets here,”  Brian Shaughnessy was saying.

Adam put a restraining hand on his little  brother’s shoulder and put a finger to his lips indicating that Hoss should keep quiet. He continued to eavesdrop, knowing that he shouldn’t. Pa told them that eavesdroppers hear no good and if he caught them listening to grown-up conversations when they had no business to he was always very angry; but  this time Adam had to know what this was about.  There must have been a letter from Pa.

“I suppose he thought it would be less of a shock to them when they arrive,”  his wife replied more reasonably.

“I don’t know what it’s gonna do to the boys, but I for one, ain’t gonna be polite to her.  Jean was a good friend.  I reckon Ben’s lack of a woman has coloured his good judgement,” Brian snapped.

Again Kathleen’s voice was calm and reasoned. “Maybe he figured those boys need a mother.”

Adam struggled to hold back the shocked cry that sprang to his lips. What was she saying?  He heard Mr Shaughnessy snort in derision.

“Some mother!  You know why Jean left her, because he found her in bed with another man for God sake.  He picked her out of the gutter and she thanked him by returning to it the minute his back was turned”’

“Bri, that’s only what Jean told you.  He was angry and bitter.  It’s only one side of the story,”  his wife tried to calm him.

“Look Kate.  She worked the Flats as a saloon hostess.  That’s the roughest area of New Orleans, you really think she just served drinks?  She was and probably still is a whore.  Jean fell in love with her and married her against his family’s wishes and it rebounded on him and with the number of men to women around here you can bet your life it will be the same for Ben.”  There was a moment’s silence before he continue, “You’d see good in the devil himself . I don’t care what you say, Ben’s taken leave of his senses.”

“Keep your voice down, Bri!” his wife said sharply. “Whatever we may think, she’s Ben’s wife now and for the sake of those children we have to accept her.”

Outside the door Adam’s face had gone deathly pale.  He didn’t understand all that was being said but he understood enough to know that his father had married Jean’s widow and that Mr Shaughnessy, at least, didn’t approve.

He held on to his little brother and waited until the conversation changed then he noisily pushed open the door.

“We’ve finished the chores,”  he said quietly.

Kathleen Shaughnessy smiled.  “Good boys, you go wash up, supper’s almost ready.”

He hesitated a second.  “Did anything come in the mail from Pa yet?”  He saw the look which passed between Kathleen and her husband.

“Yes, son, there’s a letter today saying he’s on his way home.  I’ll read it to you after supper,”  Brian Shaughnessy said quickly.

Hoss couldn’t contain his excitement he danced around the room shouting that his Pa was coming home.  Adam simply nodded and moved toward the kitchen where there was a bowl of water waiting for them to wash.  Now he was sure something was wrong.  Pa had written twice before and each time he had been allowed to read the letter for himself.

Kathleen took Hoss’ hand to calm him and led him to the kitchen area, over her shoulder she mouthed silently to her husband, “D’you think he heard us?”  Brian shook his head firmly.

 

Mr Shaughnessy was as good as his word.  After supper he read parts of the letter to the boys.  Adam could tell that large parts were left out but he way he searched down the pages before reading.  When he had finished he waited for one of the boys to speak when neither did, Kathleen felt obliged to break the silence.

“So your Pa will be home very soon and you’ll have a new Ma to look after you.  It’ll be nice for you to have some women’s home cooking,” she smiled at Hoss who was looking worried, “I’ll bet she’s a good cook; your Pa says she’s part French and they know a lot about such things.”  Kathleen knew she was rambling but she had to say something.  Adam’s face was blank, devoid of all expression and Hoss looked frightened.

“Charlie does the cooking, we like it that way,”  Adam said sharply.

Kathleen lifted Hoss on to her knee. “You’ll have someone to read you stories and play with you.  You know your Pa’s so busy he don’t often get time for play.”

Hoss glanced at his older brother and took his cue from Adam’s demeanour.   “Adam plays wiv me and he reads ta me.”

Brian sighed. “Well I guess you’ll get used to the idea.  They should be here within two weeks,”  he smiled. “Anyhow, I guess you’ll like going back to your own home, ‘stead of doing chores for me.”

Adam turned on his heel and went outside slamming the door behind him.  Hoss looked up at Kathleen then slipped from her lap to follow his brother.  Kathleen started to rise but Brian pushed her back in her chair gently.

“Leave ’em be, girl, they’ve gotta come to terms with this by themselves. There ain’t nuthin we can do to make it easier.  I hope Ben understands it ain’t gonna be a bed of roses when he gets home.”

“I know, but they seemed so young and hurt.  I suppose Adam’s had a stepmother before and he loved Inger, I’ve heard him say so.  It’ll work out.”

Brian Shaughnessy gave a grim laugh. “From what Jean told me, I’d say you’re wishing for the moon if you think that woman’s gonna be a good mother, an alley cat’d do a better job.”

 

Adam had stormed out of the room with no clear idea of where he was going. He had to be alone to think this out.  He was startled and annoyed to feel a warm hand slide into his as he stood by the barn.  He pulled his hand away roughly and turned to snap at Hoss that he wanted to be left alone.  Then he saw the tears in his little brother’s eyes and he couldn’t bring himself to say anything.  He knelt down and Hoss threw his arms around his neck.

“It’ll be okay, Hoss.  Like Mrs Shaughnessy says, it’ll be someone else to do the chores.  Maybe she’ll be nice.  Your Ma was my stepmother and she was nice, I liked her a lot.”

He tried to reassure his brother but the words he had overheard kept reverberating in his head.  He didn’t understand everything, but he understood enough.  On their trip west Pa had told him to stay away from saloons and he had seen the women who worked in them.  Inger had disapproved of the saloon girls in the towns they had passed through before they reached Independence and Inger’s opinion meant a lot to him.  He wanted his father home and selfishly, perhaps, he wanted him to himself.

 

Later in the evening the two boys were in bed in the loft and supposedly asleep.  Very quietly Adam raised himself up on one elbow and looked at his younger brother.  Hoss was sound asleep making soft snuffling noises as he dreamed of something nice.  Probably food or the puppy he kept pestering to own, Adam smiled to himself.  Very gently he lifted the quilt and edged his way out of the bed.  He dressed swiftly by the light of the moon and eased the window open a little wider.  It took only seconds to squeeze through and hang by his fingertips until he could steady himself to drop to the ground.  He had done it so often now that it was no hardship.  The hard part was either getting back in or explaining how he came to be out in the barn when Mr Shaughnessy hadn’t heard him get up.  Tonight he didn’t care about that he desperately need to get away from here and be totally alone with his thoughts, even lying in bed when everyone was asleep wasn’t enough.

He saddled his pony and headed away from the house.  He knew he shouldn’t, knew it wasn’t really safe on his own.  When he had done this before it had been because Young Wolf had come to meet him. The Paiute boy was a little older than him and wise in the ways of the land.  The son of the chief, he was already a warrior in the eyes of his people, with him Adam felt safe.  Tonight he was alone and he didn’t plan to hunt the raccoon as he and his Paiute friend often did.  Tonight, he wanted to go home.  He had never travelled so far alone at night. It took all his courage to make the first move, but once he had covered a couple of miles he began to relax.

It was a warm, peaceful summer night and he could follow the trails easily in the moonlight.  He made good time and it didn’t seem long before he was standing by the corral watching the horses in the darkness.  Once they sensed his presence they began to move around and he knew he’d have to be more careful or he would wake up Jose.  Jake and Charlie were heavy sleepers but Jose, the Mexican wrangler, heard every sound from his horses.   Each time Adam came to the ranch he sought out a pretty chestnut mare that Jose had captured.  She was the most beautiful horse he had ever seen and slowly he was gaining her confidence.  When Pa got back he planned to ask him if he could have this mare for his own.  She was lively but he was sure that with Jose’s help he could tame her; he needed a new mount his own pony was too old and slow for him now.  He was almost grown up, wasn’t he?  He should have a man’s horse not a boy’s.

He walked away from the corral and stood looking back at the house.  He longed to go inside to go to the room that was his alone.  Pa had built it on for him last year and it had been nice to have his own retreat, where he could read undisturbed by his little brother.  The house had been closed up; Jake, Jose and Charlie shared a cabin on the other side of the corral.  Jean had shared it too until he died.  Adam tried to recall if Jean had talked about his wife but he couldn’t bring anything to mind; he wondered why Jean had come here without her.  He had never been too sure of Jean, he told great stories about New Orleans but as Adam had never seen a city he wasn’t sure if they were the truth or just wild tales.  He knew that Jean and Jose had been great friends but Jake had always been wary of him.  Jake liked independent folk and he always said that Jean needed someone to look after him; he couldn’t be trusted to make decisions alone.  Jake was Adam’s hero, second only to his father in wisdom and someone he respected and obeyed.

After about an hour he re-mounted his pony and rode the short distance to where Pa planned to build the new house.  They had been planning it for over a year and if Pa hadn’t gone to New Orleans it would have been built by now.  They had planned to move in before the winter snows and as Adam looked toward the mountains he thought of how cosy it would be with its stone fireplace and wooden shutters.  It was a beautiful place and Adam sat on a fallen tree and tried to make sense of his feelings.  Pa was coming home but he was bringing a wife with him and Adam could feel no joy at the prospect of his homecoming.  He didn’t know how long he had been there but he suddenly became aware that away to the east the sky was lightening.  He began to panic.  There was no way he could get back to the Shaughnessy place before breakfast and he was supposed to have his chores finished by then.

He was going to get caught this time and there was no excuse for his absence, at least not one that would be acceptable.

 

The moment he rode into the yard he knew he was in trouble.  Mr and Mrs Shaughnessy were on the front step and Hoss was beside them with tears in his eyes.  He ran to Adam the minute he saw him and threw his arms around him.  He had never been so pleased to see anyone.  “I was scared you was hurt,”  Hoss said tearfully.

Adam shook his head.  “I’m fine.”  He glanced at Brian Shaugnessy.  Pa had said he had to obey Mr Shaughnessy just as if it were him.  He knew what his father would do in such circumstances, he would give him  a hiding. He wasn’t so sure about Mr Shaughnessy.

“I’m sorry I worried you,”  he started, hoping a quick apology without explanation might suffice.

“Where the hell have you been boy?”  The voice was loud and harsh, not at all like his father’s.  Pa got quieter when he got real angry.

“I wanted to be on my own to think,”  Adam said softly.

Mr Shaugnessy threw up his hands in exasperation. “You need to go missing all night to think?”  He moved towards him.  “Your Pa left you in my charge.  How’d you think I’d explain to him that you wandered off and maybe got yourself hurt or killed?  I oughta tan you real good boy! You pull a fool stunt like that again and I will.”

Adam’s face became a mask and he stared straight ahead.  He didn’t care what happened to him as long as he didn’t have to try to explain where he’d been and why.

Mr Shaughnessy glared angrily at him. “You put up that horse and get your chores done then you go up to the loft and stay there.  You hear?”

Adam nodded.

“And you don’t leave this yard from now on until your Pa gets back.  You got that?”

“Yes, sir,”  Adam said slowly.  He turned to take his pony into the barn and as he passed Hoss he gave him a wink, which made his small brother smile.  They both knew that if this had been Pa, he would not have got off so lightly.

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 2

 

 

Over the next two weeks Hoss talked of nothing but his Pa’s imminent arrival, while Adam tried to push it as far from his mind as possible.  He wanted his father home but he wanted him home alone.  Kate Shaughnessy watched him with concern.  She saw him draw further into himself and shut out all her attempts to get him to talk and it worried her. He had always been a rather solitary boy but this time he had withdrawn so much that she had no idea how to reach him.  Finally, she decided to leave him alone and hope that when the time came he would see things differently.

Adam went through the days mechanically.  He did his chores, spoke only when spoken to and spent long hours alone either in the loft bedroom or wandering around the hills.  Several times Mr Shaughnessy reprimanded him for going off without telling anyone.  Adam quickly learned that although he yelled a lot, the tanning was an empty threat.  Every time he got yelled at he thought of his father.  Pa never made idle threats.  If he threatened a tanning, which wasn’t often, and you still disobeyed then you got one and if he made a promise he kept it.  Adam was surprised to discover that he missed that kind of security.

In bed at night, Hoss tried to talk to his brother about their new stepmother but he found him uncommunicative and morose on the subject.

“Don’t ya want Pa to come home?”   Hoss asked one night, about ten days after the letter, desperate to have his brother’s reassurance.

Adam sat up and hugged his knees. “Course I do.”

“Then why are ya so cross about it?”  Hoss climbed out of bed and sat at his brother’s feet hoping that if he could look at Adam’s face it would give him some clue.

“I’m not cross.”  He rested his chin on his knees and stared at some point beyond Hoss’ shoulder.  “You’re too little to understand.”

Hoss sighed. “I think you’re being silly.  I like Mrs Shaughnessy, it’d be nice if she was our Ma.  Maybe our new mother will be like her.”

Adam groaned. “See what I mean.  How can Mrs Shaughnessy be our Ma?  She’s married to Mr Shaughnessy, not Pa.  Anyhow, this woman ain’t nuthin like her.”

Hoss sat bolt upright surprised at this statement, what did his brother know that he didn’t.  “How d’you know that?” he asked.

Adam’s black brows furrowed and his eyes glittered in anger. ‘She just ain’t and don’t you go calling her Ma either.  She ain’t your Ma.  Your Ma was nice.’

Hoss sniffed.  Adam’s black mood scared him and he was close to tears.

“Aw, go to sleep,”  Adam snapped, angry with himself now for upsetting his younger brother.

Hoss climbed back into bed and closed his eyes but before he truly fell asleep several tears squeezed themselves out from between his lashes to trickle down his cheeks.  He didn’t like this sullen, angry person his brother had become.  He thought it would be kinda nice to have a new Ma to look after him.  He wanted his Pa to hug him and tell him everything would be alright.

Adam remained in the same position for quite some time.  He was sorry that he had snapped at Hoss but he couldn’t and wouldn’t accept that this woman could ever take Inger’s place.  He wondered what it would have been like if his own mother hadn’t died when he was born.  His father rarely talked about her unless Adam asked directly and he found that hard to do. Pa had a picture of her and she looked real pretty with a nice smile.  He knew she had liked books and poetry, just as he did but he didn’t know whether he was like her in other ways.  If he was honest with himself he knew that he often thought of Inger as his mother.  He had loved her so much and he missed her everyday.  The trip west had been such an adventure and he had felt part of a real family.  He loved his Pa dearly but when they had been alone Pa had often been sad.  When Inger had joined them his father smiled more often and been more like other boy’s fathers.   He wished she was here now then none of this would be happening.

He stretched out in bed and turned on his side to try and sleep but every time he closed his eyes his worst nightmare came back to him.  He was crouched in a corner cradling his baby brother and all around him was the sound of gunfire and screaming Indians.  He squeezed his eyes tight shut and tried to think of pleasant thoughts to shut out the part of the nightmare that followed; the part he couldn’t bear; the part where he would see her die.  He knew it wouldn’t work, nothing ever stopped the pictures once they started. Suddenly he shot up in bed, someone had yelled “Ma”.  He shook; his breath coming in short gasps, knowing that it had been his own voice all those years ago.  He tried to get his breathing under control but it was several minutes before he could relax.  He got out of bed, glancing at Hoss but he still slept undisturbed.  He walked to the open window taking deep breaths of night air.  He didn’t dare close his eyes again in case the pictures returned.  He spent the rest of the night curled up by the window, staring out into the darkness, as he had done on so many nights in the past five years.

 

At dawn Adam rose from his vigil and stretched.  His muscles ached from the cramped position he had settled into and his eyelids drooped with tiredness.  He knew he should have tried to sleep, now he would have to face another day worn out before he started.  He looked across at his little brother.  His face so peaceful, a slight smile on his lips.  He wondered what Hoss dreamed; nothing bad that was for sure.  Hoss saw good in everything and everyone and so far nothing had happened to ruin that rosy view of the world.  Adam prayed fervently that it would continue to be so for his baby brother.  His brother and his father were the most important things in his life, the only people he dared to love and even that was a love tinged with fear in case he lost them too.

He dressed quickly and shook Hoss awake, helping him to dress before they went down the ladder to begin their chores.  The day was hot and by the time he had finished his morning duties Adam was feeling decidedly weary.

Hoss wanted to go swimming but Adam simply wanted to sleep.  He compromised.  They walked to the stream and Adam stretched out on the bank while his brother played in the shallows. “You’re not to go out further than knee deep,”  Adam admonished him.  “It shelves steeply over there and the current’s fast.”

Hoss nodded. “I won’t.  Why aren’t you coming in to swim?  You promised!”  he complained.

“I did not promise.  I’m tired and I want to sleep.  I’ll swim with you some other time.”  Adam lay back and laced his hands behind his head.  Soon his eyes were closing and he drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

Hoss played for a while in the shallows, building a gravel bank and skimming stones but soon he became bored.  He glanced at his brother.  Adam had said not to go in too far, he hadn’t said anything about walking along the stream.  He set off upstream paddling and letting the mud and gravel squish between his toes.  He chased the jays that settled on the aspen and he tried to catch the fish he could see in the quiet pools.  After a while he came to a grove of trees and sat down for a moment to rest.  On the opposite bank a small group of wild horses had come down to drink and he watched them, wishing he could get closer.  He looked around for a shallow spot to cross the stream but there was none.  An aspen had fallen across the water a little higher up stream and he scrambled up to it.  It would do, he could climb across on that, it went nearly all the way over and the water would be shallow by the time he had to drop down into it.

Adam sat up with a start.  He thought he had heard a scream but now he was awake he couldn’t be sure that it was real, it might have been his nightmare returning.  No, there it was again.  Hoss!  He jumped to his feet and yelled his brother’s name at the top of his voice.  The sound had come from up stream.  He ran as fast as he could over the rough river bank, his heart pounding in his chest.  He should never have gone to sleep.  From a way off he saw a sight that made his heart stop.  Hoss was clinging to a broken branch of a fallen aspen, his feet almost trailing in the deep fast flowing water.  He closed the distance between them yelling at his little brother to hang on.

At the sound of his older brother’s voice, Hoss felt better.  Adam would soon help him.  “Hurry, Adam!  I cain’t hold on much longer,” he called.

Adam sized up the scene quickly. The aspen was rotted and splitting with Hoss’s weight; if he added his own it would surely drop his brother into the water.   With him on the tree  there would be no one to stop Hoss being swept away.  His little brother had only learned to swim this summer he would not be able to get to the bank with this current.  There was only one way to solve this.  He waded into the water below the aspen; it was icy cold and soon came up to his chest.  He felt his feet sinking into the mud and knew he would have to swim to get close enough.  His father had taught him to swim years ago, he couldn’t even remember where they had been at the time, somewhere in Pennsylvania he thought.  He pushed off from the bottom and with strong strokes fought the current until he was below his brother.  Gasping for air he held his head out of the water.

“You’ve got to let go, Hoss.  Drop into the water. I’ll catch you.”  He tried to tread water to conserve his energy but the current was pushing him away from the tree.

Hoss trusted his brother totally.  He was terrified but he never questioned the wisdom of his instructions.  He let go of the branch and slipped into the water beside his brother.  Adam grabbed his arm and pulled him towards him turning him on to his back and hooking an arm under his chin he started to swim toward the nearest bank.  By the time the water was shallow enough for them to stand he was exhausted and he collapsed on to the bank his chest heaving with the strain, even in the water Hoss was no light weight.  He was grateful that he was a strong swimmer and after a few moments he had recovered enough to check on his brother.  His relief that they were safe had turned to anger and Hoss’ eyes widened when he saw Adam’s furious expression.

“What the heck did you think you were doing?  I told you to stay put and not to go in the deep water!” he yelled.  “I dunno why I have to watch you all the time!  Why can’t you do as you’re told?”

Fear of what might have been mingled with relief that the worst hadn’t happened made his voice deep and threatening.

This was all too much for the five-year-old; he had been very frightened of the water, but not half as scared as he was of his brother’s temper.  His face crumpled and he began to cry.

Adam sighed.   He wished at times like these that he was an only child.  The responsibilities of being the oldest suddenly seemed to weigh him down.  Couldn’t he ever do anything without having to think of his brother first?

“Okay, okay,” he said in a more moderate tone.  He folded his arms around his little brother and hugged him. “It’s alright now.  I’m sorry I yelled.  You scared the hell outta me, is all.”

He slowly managed to calm Hoss and then set about drying off their clothes.  The last thing he needed was a lecture from Mrs Shaughnessy about swimming with their clothes on and he had no intention of telling how they had come to get wet.  He reminded Hoss of the necessity of keeping quiet about the adventure as they walked home.  Hoss was now fully recovered and had bounced back to his usual sunny self.  Adam on the other hand was still shaking from the near disaster.  It was one more nightmare that he knew he would re-live.  He was relieved when they arrived back at the house and he could hand over the responsibility of his younger brother to Mrs Shaughnessy while he did his chores.  He disliked the endless job of splitting logs but at least it gave him an outlet for his frustrations.   Boring it might be, but he d had enough excitement for one day.

He had split quite a large pile but he decided to do a little more; the exercise was making him feel better.  As he lifted another log up on to the block, he heard horses in the front yard.  Burying the axe carefully in the block he sauntered to the corner of the house to see who was visiting.  Hoss and Mrs Shaughnessy had come out from the house on the same errand.  At the end of the building he stopped, unsure of what to do.   Hoss had no such reservations.  He ran at full speed across the yard and threw himself on his father.

Adam started forward then stopped. His eyes moved from his father and Hoss to watch as Mr Shaughnessy helped a woman dismount from the other horse.  This must be Jean’s wife. No, he mentally corrected himself, his father’s wife; his new stepmother.  She was quite small, coming barely up to his father’s shoulder, with dark hair pushed under a black hat similar to his own.  She wore a dark skirt suitable for riding and green shirt both of which emphasised her slim figure.  She didn’t look much like the saloon girls he remembered but he guessed she wouldn’t dress like that to ride halfway across the country.  She was very pretty, younger than he had expected; maybe in her early twenties he guessed. She also looked very tired as she shook hands with the Shaughnessy’s.  His father introduced Hoss and Adam watched as she bent down to speak to his little brother. He should be there but he felt an outsider, he couldn’t bring himself to take those few steps.

Ben glanced around.  “Where’s Adam?”

Kathleen Shaughnessy saw him out of the corner of her eye and guessed at his reluctance to come forward.  She tilted her head slightly and indicated to Ben where he should look.

Ben moved rapidly to the corner of the house and enveloped Adam in an embarrassing bear hug. “It’s good to see you, son.  I missed you.  I missed you both an awful lot.”  He seemed unaware of the tension flowing through the boy and took him by the arm to lead him across the yard.  “Come and meet your new mother,”  he said with delight in his voice.

Adam felt himself half dragged to this first encounter.  His father’s words had driven a knife into him.  She was not his mother and never would be.

“Marie, sweetheart, this is my oldest son, Adam.”

Adam very reluctantly shook hands.  Her hand was small and beautifully shaped with long slim fingers and it felt cool to his touch.  She smiled at him but he kept his expression blank and unwelcoming.

“I’m very pleased to meet you Adam, your father has told me so much about you,” she said quietly, instinctively feeling the hostility that was directed at her.

Afterwards, Adam couldn’t remember what was said, he could simply recall her hazel eyes and her smile, a smug smile, he decided.  Her voice had a slight accent but not as strong as he remembered Jean’s.

When the introductions were over, Mrs Shaughnessy invited them to stay the night and showed them into the cabin.  Ben reached out and put his arm around his new wife and Hoss clung to his other hand.  Adam stood back and watched them.  This wasn’t how the homecoming should have been. This was wrong. Pa with Hoss on one side and her on the other, in his place, where he should be right now.  A surge of jealously ran through him and turned and stormed off to the stream.

“Where did Adam go?”  Ben asked when he was inside.

“He’ll be back, Ben.  He’s having a hard time getting used to the idea of you being married.  Since we told them, he’s been a bit withdrawn,”  Kathleen explained.

Marie sank down into a chair pleased to be able to sit on something which didn’t move.  Ben glanced at her and smiled.  “I’m sorry, Kathleen.  We didn’t know how else to let you know.  We thought it would be more of a shock if we simply turned up.”

Brian grunted. “Came as a shock anyhow you put it,”  he said sarcastically, earning himself a glare from his wife.

Kathleen handed Marie a cup of coffee. “I guess you could do with this, you must be real  tired.  You and Ben take our room and we can sleep in here.”

Marie took the cup gratefully and smiled. “We couldn’t possibly take your bed.  We’ve given you enough to do as it is.  I know Ben is so grateful to you for looking after the boys”’

“Our pleasure,”  Kathleen replied. “Now, I must get the finishing touches done to supper, there’s plenty for us all. Please make yourselves at home.  Ben show Marie where she can wash up.”  She bustled about in the kitchen in an effort to cover the tension that seemed to be around them.

Hoss had climbed onto his father’s knee and was watching this lady with fascination.  Adam was right she wasn’t like Mrs Shaughnessy; she was much prettier.

Brian Shaughnessy went out to finish his work and was surprised to see Adam lurking by the woodpile. “You’re gonna have to go in some time if you want to eat lad,’  he said carefully.  ‘Your Pa’s gonna wonder where you are.”

Adam nodded. “I wanted to finish this,” he indicated the pile of logs.

“Tell you what, you help me with the stock and we’ll go in to supper together.”

Adam gave a relieved sigh.  He wasn’t sure why he was nervous; he needed to observe before he could join in a conversation with that woman.  He could only think of her in those terms.  He still didn’t quite believe she was a permanent fixture in his life.

Over supper, the Shaughnessys related the events of the past months and every now and then Ben would stop them while he explained some detail to Marie.  Each time he spoke to her he rested his hand on hers or smiled at her and by the end of the meal Adam was heartily sick of her.  Hoss had joined in occasionally to tell some tale or other of his own but Adam stayed silent.  The worst part was that his Pa didn’t even seem to notice. Adam’s way of dealing with new experiences was to watch and learn and while silent he was not unobservant.  He could see that his father was obsessed by this woman and didn’t even look at anyone else.  He turned his attention to Mr Shaughnessy and was surprised to see a similar look in his eyes.  Mrs Shaughnessy; at first the gracious hostess, began to show her irritation at the way Marie monopolised both his father and her husband.  It was hard to understand.  Mr Shaughnessy had been the one who disapproved before she came and Mrs Shaughnessy had been nice about her, but now it seemed the roles were reversed.  Adam would never understand grown-ups.

 

The evening continued in much the same way and although Hoss wheedled his way back on to his father’s knee until bedtime.  Adam was left to his own devices.  Only when it was time for them to go up to the loft to sleep did Pa give him a hug and say goodnight.

Hoss happily slipped from his father’s knee and went around saying goodnight to the Shaughnessys and giving them both a kiss as he always did.  He paused for just a second at Marie’s  chair, but when she held out her arms he went into them and gave her a kiss too.

“Goodnight, sweetie.  Sleep well,”  she said softly.

Adam said nothing and started for the ladder behind his brother.

“Adam,”  Ben called.  “Don’t you have something to say?”

Adam stopped for a second with one foot on the bottom rung, he considered defying his father and continuing up to the loft but even after six months apart he knew that wouldn’t be wise. “G’night,” he said, shortly. Ben looked across at Kathleen and sighed.

 

An hour later Adam was still awake.  He had parried Hoss’s questions with vague answers and finally snapped at him to go to sleep.  He sat here in the dark and went over the day’s events again and again.  Finally, he could stand it no longer and he left the loft in his usual fashion.  This time he didn’t go far, just to the stream where he stared into the eddies lit by the moonlight.  Why had Pa done this.  What was it Mr Shaughnessy had said, something about ‘his father’s lack of a woman colouring his judgement and taking leave of his senses?’  Adam didn’t understand any of it. Why did Pa need a wife, anyhow?  He had the two of them, they didn’t need anyone else.  He wished there was someone he could talk to who would explain it to him.  He could hardly ask Pa. Pa wasn’t even aware that he was there.  He’d talk to Jake and Jose maybe they knew what it was all about.

Slowly his anger changed to self-pity. Pa had been gone for six months and Adam had so looked forward to his homecoming and now she had spoiled it all.  He put his head down on his knees and fought the tears but he couldn’t stop them.  For an hour he sat and cried until he had no more tears.  By the time he returned to the cabin he had replaced all his hot angry feelings with a cold hate for this intruder.

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 3

 

 

The wagon borrowed from the Shaughnessys jolted its way across the trail toward her new home and the nearer it got the more nervous Marie became.  The countryside was beautiful but she couldn’t appreciate it.  It had all seemed so easy when Ben had asked her to marry him; they were in love and in New Orleans it had all been so simple.  He knew everything there was to know about her and it made no difference to his feelings.

He was sure that their love could surmount any obstacle but already she was having her doubts. What had Jean told these people?  The way Brian Shaughnessy had looked at her last night; the way Kathleen had changed from welcoming to frosty when she realised his interest; but most of all the obvious hostility of her new stepson.  She had thought long and hard about that.  Ben had told her so much about Adam, he was obviously very proud of him.  This eleven year old boy had been his companion and confidante for longer than anyone else; together they had travelled across the country and chosen this spot for their home.  Compared to their relationship, her husband’s second marriage had been but a brief interlude, it wasn’t his second wife that was her rival but this boy and his mother’s memory.  She mentally chided herself; she had barely met him why did she think of him as a rival and not an ally.  She must win him over, he was the key to her happiness in this marriage of that much she was certain.

“The house is about a mile further,”  Ben’s voice interrupted her thoughts.   “Tomorrow I’ll show you where we plan to build the new house.  You can decide if  you like the plans and make any changes you want before we get started.”

From the back of the wagon she heard Adam’s sharp intake of breath. What had caused that?  She was going to have to work hard to build a friendship with him or her life here would be miserable.  In New Orleans, Ben had talked endlessly of his sons, he was so proud of them.  Her thoughts had been accurate, if she couldn’t get close to them she would never make a success of this marriage and she so wanted it to be a success.  The disaster of her marriage to Jean and the loss of her baby to the fever had taken a heavy toll; she was being given a new opportunity for happiness and she didn’t intend to let it slip through her fingers because of an obstinate boy. The little one was easy; his sunny nature was obvious and he had chattered away to her this morning before they left the Shaughnessys’.  When she had told him that she had always lived in a city, he had taken her hand and showed her all the animals.  He had confided in her that his name was really Erik but no one called him that unless they were cross with him. No, there would be few problems there.  His older brother was a different proposition altogether.  He had packed the wagon with a sulky expression on his face and when she spoke to him a wary mask had descended and he answered in short, clipped sentences.

The house came in sight and she turned her attention to the problem of the ranch hands.  Ben had told her about Jake and Jose and she was worried.   They had both worked with Jean for two years, were probably his friends.  Considering the manner of their parting it was likely that friends of his would hardly be friends of hers.  Jean was not one to keep his feelings to himself.  He would have told them about her, of that she was sure; the question was how much and how truthful had he been?

She watched as a thick set man in a checked shirt came out of the barn and raised a hand in greeting.  “Welcome home, Boss.  Good to have you back.”  He swung Hoss down from the wagon and gave him a hug. “You, too, cowboy.”  Hoss returned the hug then wriggled to get down and raced off to the barn to check on the horses.

“Jake,  I’d like you to meet Marie, my wife,”  Ben said carefully.

Jake nodded.  “Ma’am,”  he said slowly, tipping his hat to her.  “Brian came over and told us last week.  We opened up the house, lit a fire and stocked up with some fresh game for you, that sort of thing.”

“Thank you Jake, it’s much appreciated.  I’m not sure I’d hit anything if I went hunting.  Six months without a gun in my hand ‘s made me rusty.”

Jake reached over and shook Adam’s hand. “Good to have you back, son.  I’ve missed your help with the chores.”  He grinned and ruffled Adam’s hair affectionately.

For a brief second Marie saw the boy smile until he saw her watching him and then it was gone, the mask back in place.

Ben began to unload the wagon.  “Come over to the house in about an hour and tell me all the news, Jake.”   He looked around. “Where’s Jose… and Charlie?”

“Charlie’s gone up to Truckee Station for supplies, be back tomorrow.  Jose went after a cat that’s been bothering the horses, he’ll be back tonight, I guess.”  Jake seemed to be hiding something but Ben didn’t question him further it would no doubt come out later.  He was a little put out at Charlie’s desertion, it would mean that Marie would be left to find her way around the kitchen on her first night here unless he did the cooking.  Jake walked away towards the barn having tipped his hat to Marie once  more.  She had been unable to judge his opinion of her.  He was simply polite and had paid her very little attention.  Adam went to follow him but was stopped by his father’s voice.

“Wait a minute, Adam.  You can help unload the wagon before you go chasing after Jake,”  Ben said.

Adam muttered something which his father chose not to hear and began moving the bags at the rear of the wagon.  Ben watched him for a moment.  He had grown tall in the last six months, but there were other changes. He had never been a communicative little boy but the surliness was new and Ben didn’t like it.  Was it his marriage, or was there something more?

He would have to get to the root of the problem, but not today.  Today was for welcoming Marie to her new home.  She had wandered over to the front porch and was standing there looking at the view across to the mountains.  He grinned and walked over, first he gently put his arm around her then he swept her up into his arms and carried her into the house.  Her squeal of delight only made him hug her closer.  He didn’t see the look of disgust on his oldest son’s face.

Adam finished unloading the wagon alone.  Every time he carried something into the house he tried to avoid looking in the direction of his father and stepmother.  When the wagon was empty he raced off to the barn before Pa could find some other job for him.  Jake and Hoss were cleaning out the stalls and Adam picked up a rake and began to help.

“Missed you helpin’ with the horses,” Jake said.  He watched as Adam went over to a chestnut mare and patted her affectionately.  “She’s new, surprised she lets you do that, she’s a bit temperamental.”  He stopped speaking and eyed the boy up and down. “Course she’s alright with people she knows.”

Adam’s head shot up and caught Jake’s eye.  He blushed a deep scarlet. “Jose said you’d been around.  Guess you got to know her real well on those visits,”  Jake smiled. “ecking up on us, were you?”

Adam fixed his eyes on the floor. “No…c..course not,”  he stuttered, embarrassed at his discovery.    He looked up at Jake from underneath lowered eyelids.  “You gonna tell Pa?”

Jake grinned. “Tell him what?”

Adam smiled and breathed a sigh of relief.  “Can I ride her?”  he asked, turning back to the mare.

Jake shook his head. “Not for a while.  She’s only half broke, too lively for you until we’ve worked with her a bit more.”

Adam’s mouth set in a stubborn line. “I could ride her.”

Jake recognised the look and pointed his finger at him “You do as I say, boy.  We’ll find you a horse of your own soon but not that mare.  You got a pony that needs looking after, anyway, so you tend to that and leave the mare until she’s been ridden for a while.”

Adam scowled, his black brows drawing together. “He’s too small for me.”

“That’s as may be, but you ain’t to ride that mare and that’s final,”  Jake said decisively. Adam waited until Jake had gone back to the bunkhouse and then he returned to the chestnut mare.  She sure was beautiful, exactly the sort of horse he wanted for his own.  He’d ask Pa soon, when he could get him alone.   Hoss watched him for a moment then moved over beside him.  “Ain’t she somethin’,  Hoss?”

Hoss looked worried; he’d seen that look in Adam’s eyes before when he wanted something.  “Jake said…”  he started.

“I heard what he said, but Jake don’t run things, Pa does,”  Adam snapped. Hoss turned away from him with a hurt expression and wandered back into the house.  He thought Adam would be different when they got home but his moods still seemed as unpredictable.

 

Adam avoided the house all day but he couldn’t think of any excuse to stay out in the barn or the bunkhouse when he heard his father calling him for supper.  He washed under the pump and ran his fingers through his hair then, taking a deep breath, he made his way inside. Everything looked the same as he remembered it and he felt reassured at least she hadn’t changed anything.  He slid into his usual seat and bowed his head while his father said grace. The food looked and smelled good; maybe Mrs Shaughnessy was right.  Perhaps his new stepmother was a good cook.  His comfortable feelings were soon dispelled when his father started discussing the new house.

“It s a little spartan in here, but its not really worth doing much to it.  We’ll be moved in to the new house before the snows come.  You can decide what you want there and maybe we can even get some furniture sent over from San Francisco by spring.”

Marie’s smile encompassed all three. “Well, if you men don’t mind, I’d like to pretty it up a little with a few touches but I love the furniture you have.  You must show me the plans and I can get some ideas together.  When my things get here from New Orleans we can decide if we need anything else, there’s plenty of time for that.”

Adam concentrated on his meal.  What did she mean, ‘her things?’  There wasn’t room for any more furniture; he and Pa had planned what they needed in the new house.

“Did you manage to find everything in the kitchen? Charlie’s not the most organised cook,”  Ben smiled at her and Adam frowned.

Marie nodded.  “I’ve tidied up a bit, but the rest of the house was fine.”  She looked at Hoss. “I love your room in the loft, sweetie.  Can I come up and read you stories?”

Hoss smiled at her. “I likes stories about animals.  D’you know any new ones?”

“Oh, I expect I can think of a few and maybe you’d like to hear some French fairy tales too.”  She looked  across at her older stepson, his face was set in that mask that she was coming to know so well.  “I guess from all the books in your room that you do a pretty good job of reading stories too, Adam?”  She said pleasantly.

Adam’s head came up and he glared at her. “I keep my room tidy myself.  I don’t want you in there,”  he said angrily.

“Adam!  That’s no way to speak to your stepmother and you know it.”  Ben said sharply.

Adam gritted his teeth waiting for the order to apologise and the punishment that would follow when he refused, as he fully intended to.  At least Pa hadn’t called her his mother.

“You apologise right now,”  Ben continued as Adam had expected.

“Please, Ben,”  Marie placed her hand over her husband’s. She had seen the defiance in Adam’s eyes and she wanted to avoid a confrontation at all costs. “He’s right, I shouldn’t have gone into his room without asking him first.  I’m sorry, Adam.  I was exploring and didn’t realise it was your room until I got inside.  You’re right, it is beautifully tidy.”

Ben grunted.  He could see what she was trying to do but he didn’t altogether agree.  “He can still speak civilly.  He knows better than to be disrespectful to his elders.”

It looked like Pa would let it go without an apology. Inexplicably, her intervention made Adam angrier, he didn’t want to be beholden to her for anything, least of all his Pa’s leniency.  He kept his eyes on his plate and made no further comment.  Ben glared at him for a few seconds then resumed eating.   Slowly the tension eased and Ben and Marie chatted about the house and now and again Hoss joined in.  Adam stayed silent longing to get away from the table and her presence.

 

After both boys had gone to bed, Ben broached the subject of Adam’s black moods. “I’m sorry about tonight.  I wanted things to be perfect for you and it all went wrong, didn’t it?  Charlie disappearing and you having to do all the work, then Adam’s insolence.  I really should have been firmer with him.”

Marie picked up her coffee and took it with her to his chair.  She leaned over and gave him a light kiss. “He’s mixed up; it s all a bit of a shock to him.  He didn’t mean anything by it. It must be awfully hard to accept a stranger moving in to his home.”

Ben pulled her down on to his lap, nearly spilling her coffee as he did so. “Hey watch out, this is my only suitable dress,”  she laughed, smoothing out the skirt of the print dress.

“Suitable for what?”  he grinned in reply. “I wondered where it had come from.  It looks like the sort of thing Kathleen wears.”

“You don’t like it?”  Marie said puzzled.  “I thought it was what women around here wore all the time.”

Ben laughed. “Maybe Kathleen does, but it s hardly you, is it?”

“I can’t do ranch chores in the sort of dresses I wore in New Orleans.”

Ben gave an evil laugh. “Why not?  It would improve morale no end.”

Marie got to her feet in a huff. “That’s exactly why I can’t wear them,”  she snapped.

Ben bit his lip, realising he had said the wrong thing. He reached up and caught her arm turning her towards him.  “I’m sorry, that was a foolish thing to say.  But you are much too beautiful to hide yourself away in that shapeless monstrosity.”

She shook her arm free. “I’m trying to be a rancher’s wife, but I guess you ought to get what you married, a saloon hostess,”  her eyes blazed at him, and he was reminded of why he had been so attracted her in the first instance, he fiery beauty was accentuated when she was angry.

Ben got to his feet and gripped her arms tightly; he could see the hurt and anger in her dark eyes and he regretted his flippant comment.  “I married you, not what you were.  I want the world to see what I saw, a beautiful woman.  We’ll go to Truckee Station and find a dressmaker and you can have some dresses made that are both suitable and stylish.”

“I don’t want new dresses.  I don’t want Jake and the others looking at me the way Brian Shaughnessy did.  It’s hard enough knowing from their expressions that Jean must have spoken about me.  I don’t want to confirm their opinion,”  her voice rose higher and tears began to form in her eyes.

“Sweetheart, don’t….”  Ben started.

She pushed his hand away and rushed from the room into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.  Ben sighed.  This was going to be more difficult than he had expected. He gathered up the coffee cups and put them back in the kitchen, rinsing them through in the water left in a bowl, so that they were ready for the morning.  He hesitated for a second before moving to the bedroom door.  He wasn’t sure what he was going to say but he had no intention of spending his first night at home on the settee.

When he opened the door Marie was already in bed, her long dark hair loose over the pillow, as he approached she turned her back to him and pulled the quilt higher around her head.

Ben sighed. “I’m sorry.  I didn’t know you were so worried about what people thought.”  He waited a moment but there was no response. He began to undress trying to think of something to say.  When he looked back at the bed he saw that Marie had turned on her back and had her hands laced behind her head, her eyes following him around the room as he folded his clothes.

“I don’t care what people think of me.  I do care what they think of you,”  she said softly. “These are your friends.”

“When they get to know you, my friends will love you as I do,” he said quietly.             Suddenly, Marie giggled. “I thought that was what I was trying to avoid,”  she grinned wickedly.

Ben shook with laughter. “You are an evil witch and I love you.”

He walked over and sat on the bed leaning down to kiss her.  She pulled him towards her and returned the kiss passionately.  “It’s been a long time since we had a comfortable bed and no near neighbours,”  she said softly, running her fingers down his cheek and continuing down his chest, slowly turning back the covers with her other hand for him to join her. “I hope the boys aren’t light sleepers.”

Ben smiled. “Both sleep like logs as I recall, and as you’ll find out when you have to get them up for chores.”   He reached over to snuff out the lamp, leaving the room lit only by the soft white light of the moon.

“I wish I knew how to reach Adam,” Marie said a moment later. “Do you think he dislikes me or is it the idea of an intruder?”

Ben turned on his side and stroked her hair. “How could he dislike you?”

Marie sighed. “Very easily, if Jake or someone has been telling him about me, maybe even Jean.”

Ben leaned up on one elbow and looked down at her. “That’s hardly likely, he was barely eleven when Jean died. I hardly think Jean discussed his marriage with a child. I’m not even sure he discussed it with Jake or Jose.”

“Then maybe he overheard something,” she persisted.

“Marie, darling, you are imagining things.  Adam’s a little upset because things have changed.  He always takes a while to adjust to new circumstances.  He retreats into himself and that wall comes down.  Give him time and he’ll love you as…”

She giggled again sounding like a little girl. “I know, as you do. Heaven forbid, one Cartwright male in love with me is more than enough.”  Ben pulled her closer to him but she hesitated. “Do you think people will say we married too soon?  I mean Jean hasn’t… I …well it’s less than a year since he died.”

“You hadn’t seen him for over two years before that. Besides isn’t it a little late to worry about it?”  Ben’s voice was taking on a slightly irritated edge.

“I know but…”

He brought his mouth down on hers to still her protests.  As he pulled away again he shook his head sadly. “Any chance that we could stop talking about my son, and your late husband, and just have two of us in this bed?  I’d kinda like to have my wife to myself for a while.”

She nodded. “I’d like that.”

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 4

 

 

“Jake.  JAKE!”  Ben called loudly to the barn.

Jake came out of the door wiping his hands on an old rag. “Yeah, Boss.”

“I want to take Marie up to the lake.  Have we got a suitable horse that she can ride?”

Ben walked over to join his foreman in the barn doorway.

Jake rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Well, there’s Rusty.  He’s pretty solid and about the right size, I guess.”

Ben frowned. “I suppose he’d do.  I’m gonna have to take a look over the stock, I’ve lost touch with how they are all doing.  Would you saddle him up for her?” Marie came out of the house as they spoke followed by a little shadow.

“Can I come with you Pa?”  Hoss asked.

“Not today, son.  You stay here with Adam and we’ll be back by supper time.”

Hoss’ face crumpled.  He wanted to be with his father and Marie not stuck here with Adam. For the past week, since Marie had arrived, his brother had been sullen and bad tempered and Hoss didn’t like being in his company.

He had begun to spend his time with Marie, watching her cook, helping out by tasting things and chattering away to her about the ranch. Adam would finish his chores then disappear and Hoss no longer followed him.

Marie bent down to her small stepson. “I’ll watch out for all those animals you told me about and when I get back  I’ll tell you what I saw.  How would that be?”

Hoss nodded, only slightly mollified.

“You go off and find Adam, I think he’s in the hayloft with his book.”

Hoss obediently trotted off and Ben smiled.  “You two seem to be getting on alright.” Marie sighed. “Yes, cheri, but I wish his brother would at least talk to me.  I don’t know how to reach him.  Whatever I say or do it’s always the wrong thing.”

Ben put his arm around her. “Give it time.”

Marie looked up at him intensely, questioning.  “Did it take time with Inger?”

He bit his lip.  “That was different, he was Hoss’ age and a whole lot easier to understand.”  Although he had said the words, he wasn’t sure he believed them.  Adam had been the one to fall in love with Inger.  He had pushed his father towards the ‘nice lady’.  He couldn’t force Adam to like Marie and if things continued the way they were going it would prove to be a miserable existence for all of them.  “Let’s go for that ride.  You’ll feel better after you see the lake,” he smiled.

“How can a lake change anything?”  Marie laughed gathering up the reins of the pony Jake had saddled for her.

Ben helped her to mount then grinned. “I’m not sure but it always soothes my troubles.”

Adam watched them ride off from his vantage point in the hayloft.  He had overheard part of their conversation and it made him angry to hear Inger’s name mentioned by that woman.  He jumped up startled as Hoss spoke beside him.

“You gonna come swimmin’?”  He asked.

Adam shook his head. “Where’s Jake?”

“Gone with Jose to collect Mama’s things from Truckee Station,” Hoss said innocently.

Adam’s black brows drew together and his nostrils flared. “Don’t call her that.  She’s not your mother!”  he yelled.

Hoss backed away towards the hayloft door. “I f…forgot.”  he stuttered.  “Why don’t you like her, Adam? She’s real nice.”

“I just don’t,” Adam said fiercely, scaring his small brother still more. Hoss moved another step backwards and stumbled against a pitchfork which Adam had left lying across the doorway.  He tottered on the edge for a second and Adam reached out and grabbed him in alarm.

“Watch what you’re doing!” he yelled, blaming Hoss although he knew that the carelessly thrown pitchfork and Hoss’ fear were his fault. “You could get yourself hurt.”

Hoss peered over the edge to the yard below and gulped, he’d forgotten how far down it was.

Adam now felt guilty and put his arm around his brother’s shoulders.  “Come on, let’s go for that swim.  But first I want to go see the mare again.  Jake’s put her in the corral.”

The two boys descended the ladder and raced across to the corral. Adam fished in his pocket and withdrew some pieces of apple which he fed to the mare as he stroked her.

“Pa wouldn’t like you doin’ that,” Hoss said judiciously.

Adam glared at him. “Well Pa ain’t here, so he won’t know.  Will he?” he emphasised the last two words and fixed Hoss with a stern stare.

“You asked him yet?”  Hoss queried, ignoring his brother’s expression.

“No, but I will.  I gotta find the right time so that he says yes, that’s all,”  Adam continued to pet the horse until Hoss became restless.

“You said we could swim,” he complained, shifting his feet.

Adam sighed. “Alright, alright.  I’m coming.”  He reluctantly followed his little brother down to the stream.

 

Marie gasped; her first view of the lake took her breath away.  It sparkled below her like some spectacular azure jewel.  The blue haze of the mountains and the dark greens of the pines giving it even more beauty.  ‘Oh, Ben!  You were right, it is the most beautiful place on earth,  she breathed.

“Glad you like it.  I kinda thought you might,”  he grinned.

“It s magnificent and yet so peaceful and calming.  Which parts of this are on the ranch?”

“Well, everything you can see to the south and east and as far as that mountain to the north and then down to the lake shore.”  He pointed in each direction with a pride that he knew he shouldn’t feel.  He had done nothing to make it his, except ride the boundary and stake his claim. He had bought a couple of land grants but most of this was wilderness and he had simply to make ‘improvements’ and file claim in Salt Lake City, marking and mapping his boundary.  The difficult work started when it was his.  Now he worked hard to keep the land and make it productive.  He cleared the land, planted the crops, cut the timber and re- planted and did all manner of things to ensure the ranch’s success with only three men to help him.  Soon with the money from the furs he would hire others and buy himself a cattle herd instead of catching and breaking horses.

“You mean you own all this,” she asked, waving her hand at the panorama before them. “No, we do,” he said simply.  “At least most of it, I still have some claims to register but that means another trip to Salt Lake City, which will have to wait until spring.  This spring I was much too busy acquiring a wife.”

Marie laughed. “Not such a good bargain.”

Ben took her in his arms and kissed her. “Oh, I don’t know about that.”

Suddenly Marie sobered. “Adam doesn’t think so.”

Ben sighed. “If you are going to get back to discussing my stubborn son, I think we’ll ride down to the beach to take your mind off him.”

“Talking of riding…” she said as she picked up Rusty’s reins.  “Do you think I could have a slightly livelier mount?”  She patted Rusty affectionately. “I’m sure he’s a good solid horse but he’s not very exciting to ride.”

She climbed into the saddle and leaned towards him.  Ben looked up slightly surprised. “I thought he’d be safer for you.  Its not like riding in New Orleans.  You need a sure footed horse for these mountains.”

“Oh, Ben!  I’ve been riding since before I could walk.  There isn’t a horse I can’t handle,”  she pleaded.

As they moved off, Ben shook his head in defeat. “Alright, when we get back you can look over the horses Jake’s got in the corral and take your pick.  I think he said they were all ready for sale so they must be ready to ride too.”  He looked at her affectionately, “But please be careful.  No reckless riding.  I like you in one piece.”

She laughed and urged her horse to a faster pace.  “Race you to that beach.” Before he could reply she was gone.  He shook his head and followed her.  Obviously his words had not had the desired effect.  He wondered if he would ever keep up with someone so young and full of life as this new wife of his?  The fourteen year age gap suddenly seemed very wide.  He stayed close behind her all the way to the lake letting her reach the sand first.

Within in minutes of their arrival she had removed her boots and stockings, wading into the water until it touched the hem of her short riding skirt.  Ben shook his head again, he seemed to be doing a lot of that recently.  Was there no stopping her impulsive nature?  Then he grinned to himself;  if truth be told, he didn’t want to stop her, that was exactly why he was attracted to her.

He sank down on the sand and watched her splashing and laughing like a child.  She said something but it was blown away by the breeze.  He closed his eyes and allowed the sounds and scents to soothe him.  Suddenly he jumped as ice cold droplets of water were sprinkled on to his face.

“Wake up sleepy head,” she laughed.

He laughed too and grabbed for her ankles pulling her down on top of him. “And whose fault is it that I’m sleepy?  Old men like me need their rest.”

For a while they lay side by side enjoying the late summer sunshine and the peaceful afternoon.  “I’m gonna have to leave you tomorrow and get some work done.  I’ve done most of the things around the yard.  I’ll have to ride out with Jake and Jose.”  He propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at her.  “Will you be alright?  Adam and Hoss know what to do. They’ll be able to help if you need it.”

Marie grinned. “I guess Adam and I will have to get on if we are thrown together enough.”

“I’m sorry it’s so hard on you.  I’ll speak to him.”

“No!”  Marie sat up in alarm. “If you do that he’ll resent me even more.  I’ve got to work this out for myself.  Whatever happens you mustn’t interfere; he’d think you were taking sides.”

Ben raised a hand to protest then decided that she was right. “Ok, I’ll keep quiet but only as long as he toes the line.  I won’t stand for any more outbursts like last night.”

“I know we can work it out.  Please don’t worry,” she said, softly.

Ben scrambled to his feet and held out his hand for her.  “We’d better be getting back.  I still have chores to do.”

She brushed down her skirt and replaced her stockings and boots. “It’s been a lovely afternoon, can we come here again soon?  I have a good feeling about this place.”

“We can come anytime you like.  Next time we’ll bring the boys and do some fishing.”

 

Adam and Hoss came back into the yard to find their father, Marie and Jake leaning over the corral fence discussing the various good points of the horses.  Hoss ran to join them and Adam watched as his father lifted his little brother up on to the top rail and held him there in a bear hug.  He wished he was young enough for Pa to do that to him.  He wandered over as if disinterested in the discussion and leaned against the rail next to Jake.

“I’ll separate those two you’re interested in and you can try them out tomorrow Mrs Cartwright,” Jake said, awkwardly.  He hadn’t got used to the boss having a wife and it was further complicated by the fact that she was Jean’s widow.  Although he had to admit he couldn’t see much similarity between the harlot Jean had described and this bubbly, pretty Creole girl.

“Thank you Jake.  I’ll ride first thing,” Marie replied.

“I won’t be here.  I’d rather you waited until I get back,” Ben said his face creased into a frown.

“I’ll be fine.  You’ll help me, won’t you Adam?  I know you’re good with horses.”  She watched him closely, silently hoping that he would make the right answer.

Adam shrugged. “I’ll be around, I guess.”  He walked off into the house ignoring his father’s stern glance.

Marie caught Ben’s arm “We’ll work it out.  Maybe if we have some time with just the two of us he won’t feel so under pressure.”

Jake cleared his throat.  “He’s a good kid and he really does work well with the horses. He’s feeling kinda mixed up at the moment.”

Marie smiled.  “I’m sure he is.  Its confusing for me too.  I’ve never been a stepmother before.  We’ll have to learn together.”

 

The fire was burning low and Ben got up to throw another log on to it.  He glanced across at Adam who was curled up in a chair with the inevitable book on his lap.  Marie had gone up to the loft to read a story to Hoss and he could hear her softly accented voice soothing his son to sleep.

For a moment he could imagine that they were a happy family, but he knew that beneath the surface there were problems brewing.  He would have to have a talk with his oldest son, but he really didn’t know where to start.  In his six month absence he seemed to have lost him, their easy relationship had disappeared to be replaced with a something more akin to a battlefield.  He accepted that his marriage hadn’t help but there was more to it than that, this surly stranger was not the boy he had left behind a few short months ago.

His ruminating was interrupted by Marie descending the ladder and sinking into his vacated chair.

“Is he asleep?”

“Yes, dreaming of horses tonight, I think,” she grinned. “I’ve been thinking about horses too.  I don’t want the black, she’s not lively enough.”

Ben replaced the poker he had been using and moved over to her chair.  “Couldn’t you settle for something less lively and avoid giving me heart failure every time you ride?” he said softly.

She reached her hand up to touch his hand. “She’s a beautiful horse and I’ll handle her just fine.”

“Alright, I give in.  The chestnut’s yours but if you change your mind, Rusty will be waiting.”

He bent down to kiss her cheek and neither noticed the furious expression on Adam’s young face.  He snapped his book shut and got to his feet before they looked up.

“You going to bed early, son?”  Ben asked.

Adam fought to control his temper. “’Yes, I’m tired,” he snapped.

“Good night, son, sleep well,” his father replied ignoring his son’s sharp tone.

“Night Pa,” Adam said over his shoulder as he walked past the chair.

“Goodnight, Adam.”  Marie said softly.

Adam ignored her and pushed open his door.

“Adam!”  His father’s sharp command stopped him.

For a moment he hesitated but one glance at his father changed his mind.  “Goodnight,” he muttered and then let his door bang shut behind him.

Ben started to move towards the closed door but Marie’s hand stopped him. “It’s not worth another argument darling.  Maybe we should be a little more distant when he’s around.”

He looked puzzled, “What are you talking about?”

“I don’t think he likes to see you kiss me or put your arm around me.”

“Oh, for goodness sake, I’m not going to stop being affectionate to my wife because my eleven-year-old son doesn’t like it!”  Ben reacted angrily.

Marie pulled him down to her level and kissed him. “Just for a while.  We have plenty of time alone together, it won’t hurt to consider his feelings for a while.  It might make all the difference.  Please.”

Ben sighed. “Alright, but I think you’re indulging his stubborn bad temper and in my opinion a sound spanking would do more good.”

 

Ben left straight after breakfast with Jake and Jose having made Marie promise that she would only ride the chestnut mare if someone accompanied her.  She finished up the chores inside and changed into her riding outfit before heading out to the corral.  Hoss was helping Charlie bake cookies.  Something she had arranged in an effort to be alone with Adam.  She was sure that if she gave him her undivided attention he would begin to talk to her.

She went into the barn to fetch a saddle and bridle and was aware that Adam was watching her from the hayloft.  Although she didn’t need it she decided to ask for his help.

“Adam,” she called.  “Would you carry this saddle out to the corral for me please?” She waited a moment, half expecting him to ignore her.  Slowly he descended the ladder and without a word picked up the saddle and took it out to dump it unceremoniously on the top rail of the corral.

“Would you help me saddle the chestnut?”  She said again. This time he was not about to co-operate.

“Round here if you want to ride, you saddle your own horse,” he said, sarcastically.

Marie bit her tongue to stop the angry retort that sprang to her lips. “That seems fair enough.  Why don’t you saddle yours and ride with me.  You can show me where they’ve started the new house.”

Without meaning to she had touched on yet another sore spot and he rounded on her again.  “Find it yourself.  I’ve got better things to do than show you around.”

She reached out and touched his shoulder turning him gently towards her. “Adam, why do you hate me so much?”

Adam recoiled as if he had been burned by her touch.  He glared at her for a moment then turned and strode back into the barn.

Marie shook her head in despair; if he wouldn’t talk how would she ever find out what was troubling him?  She saddled the chestnut and despite Ben’s request, not to ride alone, rode off on her own to explore.

Once she had gone, Adam reconsidered his actions.  He knew he had overstepped the mark.  He had a sinking sensation in his stomach. What if she told Pa?  He knew that he had come close to getting punished for his rudeness last night and this was much worse.  Pa would tan him good when he found out, he had been brought up to show respect for his elders.  He shrugged.  He didn’t care.  It wasn’t fair!  He had wanted that horse and now she had it.  Pa hadn’t even thought of him.  He conveniently forgot that Pa had no idea that he had wanted the horse.  He hated her, at the moment he hated them both.

At supper Hoss proudly presented the cookies he had made and they all sampled them and pronounced them excellent, even if there was only enough left for one each. Adam ate in silence watching Marie’s face for some indication that she was going to tell his father about his behaviour this morning.

As they lingered over their coffee Ben asked about Marie’s day.  “How was the mare?”

“Wonderful, she is exactly right.  We had a good ride up to the new house.  The land is cleared and I can picture what it will look like, from Adam’s drawings.”

She smiled at her stepson who blushed furiously.  He knew that the ‘we’ referred to his stepmother and the horse, but it was obvious that his father had assumed she had meant him.  Why didn’t she tell Pa what had happened?  He wished she would get it over with.

“When will you start?”  Marie went on.

“Next week, I hope.  Jake has found some men to work for us for a couple of months and once we get the chimney up the rest will be comparatively quick.  The timbers are all cut.”

Marie nodded. ‘Maybe Adam will take me up there again when they start.’

Adam frowned. Again she had said one thing and implied another.  She had also successfully backed him into a corner.  There was no way he could refuse now that she had suggested it to his father.  Well, she had won that round but he still couldn’t fathom why she hadn’t said anything about his rudeness.

“I’d like to take the boys up to the lake tomorrow, if that’s alright with you.”  Marie continued.

“Oh, yes please,” Hoss begged.

Ben smiled and ruffled his hair.  “How can I say no, now?”

Marie smiled, too.  “Then don’t.  I’m pretty good with a fishing pole so maybe we can get fresh fish for supper.  What do you think, Adam?”

Adam felt trapped.  He didn’t want to go anywhere with her but he could see no way out that wouldn’t bring his father’s wrath crashing around his head. “If you like,” he said grudgingly.

Marie raised her eyebrows at him and gave him a victorious smile.  Somehow she would get through to this boy whatever it cost her.  Despite the hard shell and the way he treated her, she admired his courage and was sure that somewhere inside was a very different person.  All she had to do was find the key to unlock the mask.

 

 

CHAPTER 5

 

 

The small party of three set off for the lake about an hour after Ben and the hands had left.  Marie had tried hard to find out from Charlie what food Adam liked best and she had packed the picnic with him in mind.  Today, she would concentrate on him and him alone.  Hoss would manage alright, he was too sunny and adaptable to feel jealous.   She saddled her own horse and helped Hoss with his pony watching Adam out of the corner of her eye to try and judge his mood.  He seemed distant and bored with the whole idea but Marie could remember feeling that way at his age when pushed to do something.  She smiled to herself;  maybe that was the key?  It wasn’t so long ago that she was his age.

They rode slowly up to the Lake.  Adam said little, but Hoss’ baby chatter filled the void and she enjoyed the ride.  She allowed Adam to dictate the spot and had to admit that his choice was good.  The place he chose was a wide bay at the north end of the lake it was edged with rocks but beyond them was a shingle beach.

“Isn’t that Sand Cove over there?”  Marie pointed to the south east.

Adam nodded.  “Yeah, that’s good for fishin’ too, but this is better for swimming.”

“Well, I’d like to paddle, the beach looks good for that,” she smiled at him hoping he’d talk more.

“Yeah, it’s a great place to wade,” he said enthusiastically.

He was thawing a little and she decided that by the end of the day she would have found a way to be friends.  While he unpacked the fishing gear, she and Hoss removed boots and stockings and prepared to paddle.

Adam drew Hoss to one side on the pretence of checking his fishing pole. “You don’t tell her about the drop, understand?”  Adam said, fiercely.

Hoss looked worried. “Why not?”

“Just don’t is all,” Adam snapped.

Marie smiled at them.  “Are you coming into the water Adam?”  For the first time that she could recall he smiled back at her.  She was to remember that smile for a long time and ask herself why she hadn’t suspected anything.

“I’ll be there in a minute,” he called back.

“Come on Hoss, I’ll race you into the water,” Marie called.

Hoss glanced apprehensively at his brother, who frowned at him.  Marie began to run down the gentle slope toward the water with Hoss a few steps behind her.  She splashed into the shallows then with a scream disappeared into the deep water.  Within a couple of feet of the water’s edge the beach dropped away to a depth of four or five feet and she had lost her footing and plunged beneath the icy cold water.

Hoss ran to the edge and shouted for her.  He was relieved to see her come to the surface, spluttering and coughing.  He reached out his chubby hand and helped her regain her footing.

Adam stood back by the horses and watched with a satisfied smile on his face.  She no longer looked pretty and composed.  Her dark hair was plastered to her face, her clothes dripped water and she was shivering uncontrollably.  She brushed her wet hair out of her eyes and wrung the water from her skirt then she advanced up the beach.

The smile on her stepson’s face began to fade.  He had never seen anyone look that angry, not even Pa.  He swallowed hard and started to back away but he only backed up as far as a rock and then found there was nowhere else to go.

Marie walked toward him until her face was inches from his then she took his arm in a vise-like grip and propelled him down the beach.  Adam struggled to get free but he couldn’t shake off her grip.  He would never have believed she was that strong, she looked so frail and tiny.

She was already soaked so the cold water around her ankles didn’t bother her. Once they were both in the shallows she gave him a light push which was enough to make him lose his footing and do exactly as she had done.

“I like a joke as well as anyone, but if you pull a stunt like that again I’ll drown you,” she said very slowly and deliberately, her eyes boring into him.  Adam flinched, he was sure she meant exactly what she had said.

She walked to her horse and searched in the saddlebag for the towels she had brought in case the boys went swimming.  She extracted one and began to rub her hair dry. Then she took the blanket they had brought for the picnic and wrapped it around herself to stop the shivering.

“Hoss, would you go get some wood for a fire? I need to dry these clothes,”  she asked, gently.

Hoss nodded and scampered off as Adam managed to clamber out of the water and make his way back up the beach.  Marie threw him a towel.

“You’d better dry yourself off.  If either of us catch pneumonia it might be difficult to explain to your father.”

He caught the towel and began to rub his hair.  He couldn’t understand her; grown-ups didn’t do things like that, his friends would, but not adults.  She didn’t appear angry anymore either and from her last sentence it didn’t look as thought she planned to tell Pa what he had done.

Half an hour later they had a good fire going.  Marie had removed her clothes and sat wrapped in the blanket while she held them in front of the fire to dry.  She tried desperately to hide her smiles at her stepson’s discomfort.  There being only one blanket, he sat shivering in his wet clothes hoping the fire would dry them sufficiently to avoid the necessity of undressing in front of her.  He sat hunched up with his chin on his knees; it was warmer that way but it didn’t help his clothes to dry.

“Hoss, why don’t you start fishing?  Then we can have something hot to eat,” Marie adjusted the blanket.  “I’ll come and help as soon as some of my clothes are dry.”

She waited until Hoss had reached the shore and cast his first line then she turned back to Adam.  “Your shirt would dry quicker if you took it off and draped it over a couple of sticks by the fire,” she said gently.

He didn’t move or acknowledge that he had heard her.  Marie sighed and decided to go on talking in the hope that he would show some interest.

“This reminds me of swimming in the delta when I was younger.  It was a whole lot warmer though.  Instead of freezing to death we risked snakes and alligators just to defy our parents and swim where we shouldn’t.  Does this water ever get any warmer?”  She glanced at him, but his face was like stone.  “I remember falling in one day fully clothed and only having an hour to dry off before my father came home.  You know its a whole lot easier for boys they don’t have to wear petticoats that take ages to dry.  That night I sat at dinner in a dry dress but with all my underclothes soaked and by the time I left the table one of my mother’s best chairs was ruined with river water,” she sighed.

“Alright, Adam, I give up.  You want to hate me, you go right ahead.  I’ve better things to do than waste my time.  Just remember I love your father and if you think your behaviour is going to make me go away you couldn’t be more wrong.  I’m here to stay and you are the one who is going to suffer if you keep this up.”

She scrambled to her feet and picked up her clothes, everything but her skirt was more or less dry and she retired behind the rocks to dress.  Once out of his sight she put her head in her hands and fought to hold back the tears.  Despite her words she was very unsure of herself.  If Adam hated her, how long would it be before he drove a wedge between her and Ben?  She knew that Ben adored him.  Could such strong but different emotions exist side by side without causing a war?  She finished dressing and brushed a tear away with her sleeve. When she came back Adam was hunched in the same position.  She threw the blanket at him.

“Get those clothes off and dry them,” she said in a sympathetic voice and without looking back she went to join Hoss with her fishing pole.

She was pleased to see the sunny smile on her young stepson’s face and proceeded to reel in several fish much to his delight.

“You caught more’n me,” he said, happily.

“Told you I was a mean fisherman.  I got lots of practice when I was your age.  Now we have to clean them and cook them.  I hope I remembered to bring some salt.”

Back by the fire, she ignored Adam and made no comment on his clothes hanging in front of the fire.  She showed Hoss how to clean the trout and then salted them and placed them on wooden skewers.  “The art is to cook them right through without them falling of the sticks,” she laughed.

Hoss unpacked the remainder of the picnic and spread it on the rocks.  He too had judged Adam’s mood and didn’t speak to his brother until the fish was cooked.  Then he went and sat by him and touched his arm. “You want some of our fish, Adam”  he said, softly.

Adam glared at Marie and she felt sure he was going to refuse and upset his little brother. She vowed that if he made Hoss cry she would forget her resolve and give him a spanking right here.

“Yeah, okay,” he said sullenly.

Marie breathed a sigh of relief, at least Hoss could reach him.

While they ate Hoss chattered about all the animals and started his campaign for a dog of his own.  Marie smiled at him, “I’ll talk to your father about it.  I’m sure we could manage a puppy for you.”

Hoss clapped his hands and then threw them around her neck.

“Pa won’t let him have one.  He says we’ve got plenty of  animals around the ranch and we’ve no use for a dog,”  Adam snapped.

Marie held her temper with some difficulty. “Never-the-less I shall talk to him about it.  No promises mind, Hoss.”

Hoss nodded, too, thrilled at finding an ally to care what Adam said. “Will you ask him tonight?”

Marie nodded. “Yes, after you’re in bed,” she grinned and leaned over to tickle him.   Hoss doubled up with laughter and she increased her efforts.

Adam grabbed his clothes and got to his feet, he didn’t have to stay and watch this. Hoss was his brother, his companion and he felt betrayed.  He disappeared around the rocks to dress his mood very close to a temper tantrum.

 

Sometime later Marie noticed that the air was growing cooler as the sun began to dip towards the mountains.  She and Hoss had been exploring the shore and with her eyes on the beach she hadn’t realised how late it was getting.

“We’d better be getting home, or your father will think we’ve run away together,” she said, grabbing his hand and swinging him around.

Hoss chuckled then looked around to where the fire had been. “Where’s Adam?”

Marie looked too. “I don’t know I haven’t seen him since he went to dress.” A feeling of anger mixed with despair went through her.  Surely he hadn’t gone off without them.  She wasn’t sure she could find her way back alone and she didn’t know whether Hoss could tell her.  His pony was gone so it certainly looked as if he had gone home.  She didn’t want to frighten Hoss so she kept her fears to herself.

“Let’s pack up the picnic things; he’ll be back before we’ve finished,” she said more cheerfully than she felt.  She wasn’t prepared for a night spent here.

Although she had joked about swimming in the Mississippi, she was a city girl and the mountains scared her a little. She looked at the sun and tried to work out which way they had come.  The house was north east of here but the trail had been winding and she wasn’t confident of finding her way back. She remembered too late that she had left the destination to Adam and they had told no one where they were going.

“He’s not back yet and it’s going to be dark soon,” Hoss said with a worried frown when the packing was finished. “Do you think he’s gotten hurt?”

Marie bit her lip; it was a possibility which hadn’t occurred to her.  She swore softly to herself and muttered under her breath, “No, but he will be if I get my hands on him.”  She supposed she had better go and look for him just in case.  The thought of telling Ben that his beloved eldest son had come to harm while in her care filled her with horror.

“I’m sure he’s fine.  You wait here and I’ll go a little way up the shore to look for him.”

She walked to the water’s edge and called.  “Adam, ADAM!”  She tried several times but there was no answer.  She had almost given up and was helping Hoss into the saddle when she saw Adam sauntering towards them with his pony following.

“Where have you been?  Didn’t you hear me calling you?”  she snapped.

“Yeah, I heard,” he replied insolently.

“Well, why didn’t you answer then?” she shouted, her temper rising.

“I was letting my pony have a drink before we ride back.”

It was so obviously a lie.  She was sure he had been watching them, waiting for her to panic. Now he held her angry stare with a look that dared her to do something.

Marie bit her tongue.  No, she wouldn’t play his game. “We’d better be going or your father will be worried.”  She allowed herself a small feeling of triumph as she saw a fleeting look of apprehension cross his face.

They rode back in silence, even Hoss sensing the atmosphere between his brother and stepmother.  They arrived back in the soft twilight of the late summer evening to find Ben pacing the yard.  He pounced on them as soon as Marie swung down from the chestnut mare.

“Thank God you’re alright, I’ve been worried sick.  I expected you more than an hour ago,” he said taking her in his arms and hugging her.

“I’m sorry, darling.  Adam took me to such a lovely spot and I lost all track of time.  It really is so beautiful.”

Adam cringed.  Why did she have to be so nice about everything?  It was his fault they were late; why didn’t she say so?  He took her horse from her and headed into the barn, his eyes downcast in an effort to avoid looking at his father.

Ben raised his eyebrows and gave his wife a questioning look. “What’s that all about?  Has he been being difficult again?”

She shook her head. “No, of course not, we understand each other just fine.”  She took Hoss’ hand in hers and went into the house leaving Ben to puzzle over the exact meaning of her last sentence.

 

Much later Marie sat in front of her small mirror and brushed her hair her thoughts in turmoil.  Adam had barely spoken all evening and she knew that Ben was becoming irritated with his sullen manner.  Had she handled things right today?  Should she confide in her husband  or would that make things worse?  Already Adam was winning; he was coming between them as surely as if he was a wall.  Ben had tried to pull her on to his lap this evening and she had pushed him away conscious of Adam’s angry glare.  When he bent to kiss her as he handed her a cup of coffee, she had deliberately turned away trying to pretend she hadn’t seen the hurt in his eyes.  Every word she spoke was considered in case it upset her stepson; every move she made was coloured by his opinion.

She heard Ben’s footsteps on the loft ladder and knew he was coming back after checking on Hoss.  He paused outside Adam’s room and she heard him push open the door. Moments later he came into the room and closed the door quietly.  Neither spoke and she could feel an atmosphere building between them.  She moved to the bed and slipped between the covers watching as he undressed in the soft lamp light.  He half turned as he removed his shirt and she could see the muscles in his arms flex as the light caught his bronze skin.  How she wanted those arms to hold her, but tonight there was a coldness about him that frightened her.

She lay back on the pillows continuing to appraise everything about him, her desire growing with every second.  When he joined her in the bed and turned down the lamp she reached her hand out to him, only to feel shock as he turned his back to her and pummelled the pillow into place around his head.  She felt sure that if she touched him he would turn to her but her hand on his arm met only resistance.  Rejection was not a feeling she was accustomed to.  All her life men had wanted her and she had been the one to dictate the terms, now here was this man whom she loved more than life itself telling her she was not desirable.  Bitter tears formed in her eyes and trickled down her throat as she tried to choke the sobs that threatened to overwhelm her.

“Ben, darling please…, what’s wrong…?” She stopped.  She had never begged before but she couldn’t bear his indifference.

He half turned and hope rose in her heart only to be dashed by his words. “You made it pretty clear you didn’t want my attention tonight, or maybe any night,” he said coldly. “If it disturbs you I can sleep in Adam’s room.”

Marie felt as though she had been slapped.  Please God not that!  If he left her now to go into his son’s room then Adam had won and he would know it.  She had no illusions about how her stepson would view such a move.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t want to upset Adam. I do want you so very much.”  She ran her hand down his back but still the wall remained.

“He’s a child, he’ll get over his tantrum if you ignore it,” Ben snapped.

“He’s hurting Ben, he needs understanding,” she said softly, hoping that her concern for his son would tell him how much she cared.  However, in his anger he interpreted her words differently.

“You’ve been here no time at all but already you’re an expert on my sons.  I can raise them alone.  I don’t need your advice.”  He settled back into his pillows with a grunt.

Marie turned her back to him and wept bitter tears into hers.  For a moment, Ben remained rigid and quiet then he could bear it no longer.  He rolled over and put his arms around her, pulling her towards him until she nestled against him.

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry.  I don’t know what I was thinking about.  They need you and so do I,”  he murmured into her hair.

She turned towards him and he gently brushed her hair back from her face and began to kiss away her tears.  She clung to him as his hands caressed her and his kisses became more passionate moving down her neck and shoulders to her breasts.

She sighed and allowed herself the luxury of being the passive partner for a moment longer.  “I love you,” she whispered.  “I don’t want anything to come between us.”

Ben raised himself up on one elbow and gazed down at her with an exasperated smile.  “Nothing can unless you let it.”

“But Adam…,” she began to protest.

He pushed her down on to the pillow very gently and put his finger to her lips. “I promise to be careful for a while when he’s around if that makes you happy.  But when you are in this bed you’re mine and I’m yours and I want to make love to you without my son looking over my shoulder.”

She giggled. “Oh Ben, you are funny.”

He shook his head and sighed. “Don’t you know it’s very disconcerting to have your partner laugh at you when you are trying to make love to her?”

She continued to smile up at him as she pulled him down on top of her. “You’ll simply have to try harder.”

In the room next door Adam tossed and turned, unable to sleep.  He finally gave up the struggle and got out of bed, pulling on his pants and boots he slipped out of the window and wandered down to the corral.  It was moonlight and the yard was quiet and friendly.  He leaned his chin on the corral fence and watched the horses standing silently in one corner. His conscience was troubling him tonight.  He knew his actions today had been wrong but there had been no real punishment and it left a strange feeling.  He had often got away with mischief and had felt a twinge of guilt but this was different this wasn’t a passing feeling.

He hated her so strongly that it hurt, it twisted him inside and made him do and say things he knew to be wrong.   His hate of his stepmother was so great that it scared him and yet he had other feelings too and they disturbed him even more.

He walked from the corral to the barn and climbed into the rafters, this too was forbidden but he didn’t care.  It was dark in here and no one could see his dark thoughts.  He knew that wasn’t true, Pa had told him many times that no matter how well he hid his sins, God would know.  He had also said that his mother could see him. He wished she was here now, why, oh why did she have to die.  No, he wouldn’t think about that because that was his fault.  He would think of nice thoughts. He’d think of Inger, playing with him, fishing, reading to him, singing Swedish songs. Inger driving the wagon, allowing him to hold his baby brother, firing the rifle…

He buried his head in his arms and tried to shut out the pictures that came again.  Frightened by the images, he jumped down to the ground and ran back to his room.  As he slipped back into bed he heard Marie giggle in the next room and he swore to himself that he would never let her take his beloved Mama’s place.

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 6

 

 

For several weeks Ben and as many of his ranch hands as he could spare had been working on the house.  He wanted it finished before the first heavy snow and already he had awakened to light dustings on the ground.  The stone fireplace was finished, the structural beams in place and the walls nearly to rafter level.  Inside there were no dividing walls and the upper floor was reached by a ladder but that could all be finished after the roof was in place.  Most days he left the boys to do the chores and their lessons and rode off without them.  Hoss never minded too much because Marie had won his battle for him and a scruffy, sandy-haired dog called Honey kept him company.  Adam became more resentful with every passing day.  He tried everything to make his father take him, but Ben insisted that with all the hands working away from the house Marie needed help.

“But Pa I can help you.  We’d get finished much quicker,” he pleaded one day.

“Adam I’ve explained before I want you to stay here.  There are plenty of chores to do and Marie needs someone to look after her,” Ben replied, hoping the idea of being the man of the house would appeal to his young son.

Adam turned away and muttered under his breath.  They were all in the kitchen together and Marie heard his comment on her ability to look after herself, but tried to ignore his rudeness, busying herself with washing the breakfast dishes..

Ben caught only an odd word but it was enough. “What did you say?” he snapped, reaching out and grabbing his son’s arm.

Adam flushed and tried to look away. “Nuthin’, Pa.”

Ben held tight to his son’s shoulder.  “You know better than to answer me back, young man!  I’ve had enough of your surly behaviour.  You finish your chores then you spend the day in your room.  When I get back tonight I expect to find you in a better frame of mind.  If I have any more of this, you can expect a tanning!”

Adam watched his father ride away and then cursed long and hard.  It was all her fault!  Before she came they had planned and worked on the house together.  He worked through his chores in anger and then went inside.  He flopped down in a chair and rested his feet on another opposite.

Marie was baking and their were streaks of flour on her face and in her hair.  Hoss was helping and he, too, looked like a snowman.

“Please don’t put your dirty boots on the furniture, Adam,”  Marie said softly.

He glanced up at her with disdain, but he moved his feet and got up, walking over toward the door again.

“Adam, why don’t you come and help us make these cookies for supper?”  Marie called pleasantly as he crossed the room.

Adam glared at her.  “Pa said I had to do my chores, not yours,” he snarled.

“I wasn’t intending it to be a chore.  I thought you might enjoy it.”

“It’s girl s work!”

“Fine.  If you don’t want to help you’d better go to your room.  Isn’t that what your father told you to do?” Marie sighed.

He flushed, embarrassed that she had heard his father’s reprimand.  He thought about ignoring her but his father’s parting remark echoed in his head.  Though it had been a long while since Pa had given him a tanning, it was an experience he wasn’t anxious to repeat too often.  Turning quickly on his heel he went to his room and slammed the door.

Marie finished her baking and turned her attention to supper.  She had planned chicken for tonight.  Several of the hens had ceased to lay and it provided a change from endless rabbit or even the occasional venison when Ben had time to hunt.   Charlie had gone to help with the house; he had been good enough to kill the chickens, but plucking and preparing them was left to Marie.

She sat at the table and worked quietly while watching Hoss and Honey playing in the yard.  Removing the feathers and setting them aside to be cleaned for stuffing pillows and cushions didn’t take long and soon she was cleaning the birds.  It was a job she had done hundreds of times without any problem but today it made her feel faint and queasy.  The secret hope she had hugged to herself for a week or more must be true… a baby.  The longing for a child of her own would soon be assuaged, maybe it would help a little to heal the hurt of her first baby’s death .  It would put the seal on her love for Ben, a pretty little daughter to steal his heart and maybe later in a year or two a son to capture her own.  For a second she was apprehensive, would this be one more nail in the coffin of her relationship with her stepson; but no, he adored his little brother he would love this one too.

She took Adam some lunch, but he refused it and ignored her attempts at conversation.  Usually this upset her but she wouldn’t allow him to depress her today.  Tonight she would share with Ben her wonderful news.  She finished her work humming softly and went out into the yard to collect the washing she had hung out earlier.  The sound of horses made her look toward the barn.  The ranch hands were back.  She glanced towards the mountains and was surprised to see how dark it was growing; surely it couldn’t be that late.

“Hello, Jake.  Where’s Ben?” she said looking all around for her husband.

“He wanted to get a couple of things finished so that we could begin moving you in a day or two.  Said he’d be back for supper,” Jake smiled at her.  He was beginning to like this young woman. She had adapted to life here and Jake never heard her complain about any hardship, although he guessed that after a city like New Orleans this was pretty rough on her.  She had won the hearts of most of the ranch hands, only Jose treated her with a cold indifference and he had been Jean’s closest friend.

“I’ll get on with the chores.  Is Adam around?”

She nodded. “I’ll fetch him.”

Hurrying back inside she called to Adam to come and start the evening chores. There was no answer and no movement, she tried again but still nothing.  Her temper wearing thin, she knocked and pushed open his door in one movement.

He was seated cross-legged on his bed with a book in his hands and he looked up quickly, irritated at the intrusion.

“I thought I told you I didn’t want you in here,” he said coldly.

Marie mentally counted to ten to avoid slapping him. “I wouldn’t have to come in if you had answered me,” she snapped back. “It s getting late and the chores should be finished before your father gets home.”

He shrugged and went back to his book. “It s not that late.”

Marie grabbed the book from him and threw it down on the bed. “I want you out in the yard now,” she said sternly.

He stared at her with bland indifference. He wondered what she would do if he continued to ignore her.  He watched from under lowered lashes waiting to see what her next move would be.  Her dark eyes flashed and lightened to hazel reminding him of a cat about to pounce.  She was awfully pretty. He started a moment; what had made him think that?  He could see her temper rising and he thought better of his attempt to defy her; he could still remember her strong grip on his arm at the lake.  He swung his long legs over the edge of the bed and stood, facing her.   “I’m going,” he said, insolently.

Marie stood to one side to allow him to pass.  Now that he had obeyed her she regretted losing her temper.  She was never going to get through to him if she yelled.  He was too stubborn and would simply dig his heels in further.

Adam went slowly into the yard and began to feed the hens as it was the easiest of the chores.  He wondered if she would tell his father that he had answered her back.  Part of him dreaded it, but another part hoped she would.  He had been amused at her attempts to avoid Pa last night;  he knew that was for his benefit.  He wished he could think of some way to make them argue, to make Pa see that she didn’t belong here.

“Hello, Adam.” A gruff voice startled him from his reverie.

“Oh, hi, Mr Shaughnessy.  What brings you up here?” He took the reins of the horse as their neighbour dismounted.

“I was riding back from Truckee Station and saw the storm brewing, thought it’d be best to stop over for the night,” Brian Shaughnessy said.

Adam grinned. “Pa’ll be pleased to see you, it’s bin a while.”

“How’s that new stepmother of yours, lad?”

Adam’s expression changed to a scowl. “She’s in the house,” he snapped, walking Shaughnessy’s horse to the barn.

Brian shook his head and walked over to the front door.  Adam watched him go inside then went back to his chores.  By the time all the work was finished the temperature had begun to drop dramatically and the first flakes of snow were falling.  Although it was still relatively early the sky was dark and threatening.  Adam hurried inside, pleased to be able to warm himself by the fire.  Hoss was sitting on the rug with his dog while Brian Shaughnessy was in the kitchen leaning against the table with a cup of coffee in his hand and chatting pleasantly to Marie.

“The bunkhouse is full, Mr Shaughnessy, but you’re welcome to stay in here.  I’ll make up a bed on the settee for you,” Marie was saying.

“That’s real nice of you.  It s gonna be a real bad storm, might last a couple of days,” he smiled at her, “And it s Brian.”

She returned the smile. “Ben will be back soon.  He’ll be pleased to see you.”

Brian glanced out of the window. “Where is he?”

“He’s gone up to the new house, but he’s usually back before dark,” she replied, busying herself with the preparation of the evening meal, adding a few more vegetables to make it stretch to one more.

“He won’t be back tonight, then.  It’s bin snowing over that way for the past hour.  If he’s got any sense he’ll hold up in the house until daylight.”

“He wanted to get it finished before this storm but its come earlier than he expected,” Marie said with a worried frown.  “Do you really think he’ll stay there?”

Brian nodded.  “Bound to, Ben knows these storms.  He won’t risk riding home in a blizzard.  These early storms can be real fierce, but they blow out quickly.”

Brian was right in both cases. Ben didn’t come home and the storm did increase in intensity. After supper, Adam set up a game of checkers and played quietly with Hoss, watching and listening to the adult conversation.  Brian was telling of his trip out west and Marie was hanging on his every word.  Adam knew from his own experiences on a wagon train that most of the stories were greatly exaggerated and he was amazed at his stepmother’s acceptance of Brian’s boasting.

“Time for bed, Hoss,” Marie said a while later and was surprised when Adam volunteered to tell stories to his younger brother.

For a while she could hear Adam’s voice talking softly in the loft but she was soon distracted by Brian’s conversation and forgot all about her stepson.  She knew Brian was trying to impress her, but it was flattering to have the attention of someone new.  Since she had arrived, there had been no visitors and Jake and Charlie were hardly great conversationalists, while Jose showed open hostility towards her.  From his vantage point in the loft Adam could watch, unobserved by the grown ups below.

“You like living here?”  Brian asked.   “It must be lonely so far from neighbours.”

Marie smiled at him and it lit up her face.  “I love it; the lake’s so beautiful and the mountains, too.  I’m not lonely, I have the boys and the ranch hands to talk to and Ben doesn’t leave me alone very often.”

Brian moved closer to her. “No, if I was Ben I wouldn’t leave you alone at all,” he said, reaching out to touch her hand.

Marie frowned and moved away.  “I’ll make us some more coffee,” she said, jumping to her feet.

Brian followed her into the kitchen and for a moment they were lost to Adam’s view. Marie busied herself with the coffee pot trying to think of a way to politely discourage Brian’s attention.  He was Ben’s friend, she didn’t want to be rude to him and she couldn’t turn him out into the storm.

“Come on, Marie, you’re too young to bury yourself up here with an old man.”  He put his arms on her shoulders and turned her to face him.

“Brian, please,” she said softly, “I like it here and I love Ben, he’s hardly old.”

She carried the coffee pot back to the table and poured two cups.  Adam watched her curl up in his father’s chair and saw Brian Shaughnessy move to lean over the back of it and stroke her hair.  Both of them looked up, startled, as he came down the ladder.  He glared at Marie and muttered, “Good night,” to them before going to his room and slamming the door.

Once inside his room, Adam threw himself on the bed.  He had an idea to get rid of her once and for all, but he wasn’t sure how to achieve it.  Maybe he should have stayed in the room with them?  He had overheard the men talking and it was like Jose said, she flirted with every man she met.  Now she was encouraging Mr Shaughnessy, and she had invited him to stay overnight.  Pa would be better off without her.  He made a quick decision; Pa wouldn’t believe him, he’d say Adam had misunderstood but he knew he hadn’t. He needed a grown-up to help.  He slipped out of his window and crossed to the bunkhouse.  The snow whirled around him and by the time he pushed open the door, he was cold and covered in soft powdery flakes.

Jake jumped to his feet.  “Adam, what on earth…? is something wrong?”

Adam considered what to say, he wanted Jose not Jake. Jake liked her. “Nothing’s wrong, I wanted to talk to Jose about something,” he said slowly. “Can we talk in the barn?”

Jose raised his eyebrows at Jake. “Si, Adam. We can talk,” he nodded, getting to his feet and pulling on his coat.

In the barn, the horses moved restlessly as the door opened allowing the cold air to whistle around them.  Adam moved inside and waited for Jose to close the door.

“Now, little one, what is this?” Jose said with a worried frown.

Adam blushed and hesitated, he wasn’t sure how to say this. “It’s Mr Shaughnessy… he’s staying over.”

Jose nodded. “The storm is bad.”

“Well, he and… well he’s…” Adam stopped he began to feel guilty at what he was trying to do; after all, he hadn’t seen her do anything except smile, it had all been Mr Shaughnessy.  “I don’t think he should be there with her.  Pa wouldn’t like it.” He hesitated, then decided the end justified the means. “She wanted him to stay, she sent us to bed.”  Neither statement was a lie but the way he said it was enough to inflame Jose.

He took Adam by the shoulder and bent to his level. “You want me to come over to the house?”

Adam nodded, relieved that he didn’t have to say anymore.  Together they crossed the yard and without knocking Adam pushed open the door.  He couldn’t have chosen a more opportune moment for his purpose; framed in the doorway, Jose looked in anger at the couple in front of him.  Shaughnessy had his arms around Marie and she had her hands on his shoulders.  She had been about to push him away but Jose wasn’t aware of that.  Both turned at the sound of the door and Shaughnessy released his hold on her, a grin on his face.

Jose held his head high. “I think you leave, Senor. The boss would not want you here.”

Brian Shaughnessy laughed. “You ain’t gonna turn me out in that storm. I weren’t doing nuthin’ she didn’t want and you know it.”

Marie took several deep breaths, knowing how it must have looked to Jose.  She felt the need to explain. “Jose, please make him leave.”

Jose glared at her. “I make him leave, Senora, but I do it for Boss, not because you ask me.” He pushed Shaughnessy ahead of him. “You sleep in the barn and leave when snow stops,” he snapped.

Marie waited until they were almost at the door. “Jose, I need to explain,” she begged.

He shrugged. “I see! You are what Jean tell me, I no need explanation.”  With that, he turned his back on her and went out into the snow.

Marie closed the door behind them and suddenly realised that her stepson was standing watching her with a triumphant smile on his face.  She fought back the tears and ran to her bedroom.  He had been the one to fetch Jose.  She now knew that he would stop at nothing in his efforts to break up her marriage and if he or Jose told Ben about tonight, he could well succeed.   Why should Ben believe her, he knew about her past he would merely assume that Jean had been telling the truth and she the lie.

Overnight, the snow stopped leaving drifts in some places and bare patches in others. The trees sparkled in the early morning sun and already the steady drip of a thaw could be heard.  Marie had not slept well and now she felt tired and drained.  She drank a cup of coffee and immediately felt sick, a reminder of how happy yesterday should have been.  When she ventured out to the barn she was relieved to see that Brian had gone, but she hurried back inside when she heard the bunkhouse door open.  She avoided the breakfast table, serving her stepsons but eating nothing.  Adam watched her out of the corner of his eye, wondering what she was going to do now.  He felt certain that Jose would do his work for him and she would be gone by tonight.

Hoss also watched his stepmother, but with concern.  He didn’t understand why anyone would miss breakfast. “Mama…,” he stopped and looked at Adam in embarrassment    “are you alright?  You ain’t had any breakfast and it s real good.”

She gave him a weak smile. “I’m fine, sweetie.  I’m not very hungry.”

“It’s snowed real hard.  Will you help me make a snowman?”  he continued.

Marie shook her head. “Adam will help you.  I’m going to lie down, I’m not feeling too well,” she said softly, her face white and strained.

Adam smiled.  Of course she felt ill, she was worried about Pa coming home and speaking to Jose.  He finished his breakfast and helped Hoss with his coat. “We’ll go do our chores, then we’ll be in the yard if you need us,” he said pleasantly.

Marie stared into her coffee cup.  It was the first time he had spoken in a normal tone to her and she knew he was doing it now because he thought he had won.  She had hardly had time to stretch out on the bed when she heard the sound of a horse in the yard.  Reluctantly she pushed herself up into a sitting position, fighting off the nausea as she got to her feet.  She made her way slowly to the door and opened it, Ben was dismounting and Jose was holding the horse’s head.  She watched in despair as she saw them talking quietly together.  Ben had known Jose a long time, he was his friend and he trusted him, she was sure that he would believe whatever Jose chose to tell him.

Her heart was in her mouth as Ben allowed Jose to take his horse and he walked over to where the boys were building their snowman.  He ruffled Hoss’ hair and put an arm around Adam’s shoulders and said something to him, the picture of a happy family; a family in which she would have no part.  He left the boys and walked quickly across to her.  To her amazement, he grabbed her around the waist and kissed her, first a gentle kiss then holding her tightly a deeper more passionate kiss.

“I missed you. It was awful cold in that great house without you.” He kept his arm around her waist and began to move inside. “We must try to move in this week before we get anymore snow.”

Marie looked up at him. “I don’t understand… Jose…” she stopped unable to go on, not sure what Jose had said and reluctant to say more than was needed.

Ben sighed and smiled at her. “I’d love a coffee.”

Marie reached for the coffee pot and poured him a cup. “I need to tell you what happened last night.”

He shook his head. “No you don’t.  I know.” He pulled her on to his lap.

“What did Jose tell you?” she said a slight tremor in her voice.

“It doesn’t matter what he told me. I know what happened.” He stroked her hair gently.  “Brian came by and because of the storm, you asked him to stay.  I’ve known Brian long enough.  He wouldn’t pass up the opportunity of flirting with a beautiful woman just because she’s his friend’s wife.  I’ve never understood why Kathleen puts up with his womanising.”

“But what about me, how do you know I didn’t…” she stopped as he put his finger on her lips.

“Because I love you and I trust you and…” he grinned, “because you’ve got better taste.”

“But didn’t Jose tell you that he saw us together?” she persisted, unable to believe it was this simple.

“Yes, he did.  Jose saw what he wanted to see.  He also told me why he came over to the house in the first place,” Ben said, with a frown.

Marie suddenly felt generous. “Ben, he’s a little boy, who’s hurt and he’s fighting back in anyway he can,” she said softly.

Ben nodded. “Maybe, but he’s not a baby, he’ll be twelve next week, and he’s got to understand that we are a family and we have to get along.  I’ll not hide my feelings from him anymore, he’ll have to learn to accept them. If I’d made it clear to him from the start how much I love you, maybe he wouldn’t have gone this far.  From now on the four of us are a family and he has to live with it.”

Marie stroked his cheek. “The five of us you mean.”

Ben was about to take a mouthful of coffee and he spluttered and choked on the hot liquid. “What did you say?”

Marie grinned. “I said the five of us.”

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 7

 

 

Ben spent the rest of the morning doing his chores in a daze, his mood swinging between elation, fear and despair.  He was delighted that there would be another baby and he knew Marie was as pleased as he, but underneath his joy was a deep-seated fear.  The nearest doctor was in San Francisco, over two hundred miles away; the nearest woman was more than ten miles distant.  How would Marie cope with only men around her?  Inger had been surrounded by the women of the wagon train and it had been hard for her; with the best medical help in Boston Elizabeth had died, how could Marie manage?   He thought of taking her to San Francisco but only hardened mountain men made the crossing in winter.  Only last year half a wagon train had perished up there in the pass, and by spring it would be too late to travel.  His anxiety made him check up on her all day until she shooed him out of the house with a broom.

“I’m fine, but if you keep this up I’ll be insane by spring,” she grinned at him.

Ben smiled back. “Alright, but let Adam do some of your chores.”

Marie pursed her lips; she had hoped her stepson’s absence would go unnoticed. “He’s not here.  I think he followed Jake and Charlie up to the house,” she said softly, then seeing his mounting anger she touched his arm.  “He’d done all his chores and Hoss is happy playing in the kitchen.  No harm is done.”

Ben grunted.  “Maybe, but he should have asked me first.”

“Stop growling and go finish your chores and we can have a quiet hour before supper,” she pushed him out of the door and went back to her work.

 

“While I was up at the house yesterday I had a visitor,” Ben told them at supper. “We have some new neighbours and I invited them over next week to help us celebrate moving into the house and someone’s birthday,” he smiled at Adam. “Can’t remember whose.”

“You mean I’ve got to make a cake?” Marie joked. “Does it need to be very big to hold all the candles, Adam?”

“I don’t want a cake or anything.  My birthday’s not important,” he snapped, throwing down his fork and leaving the table.

He had made it to his bedroom door before his father caught his arm and turned him around.

“Get back to the table and sit down!  Don’t you dare leave it until I give you permission,” he glared at his son who glared back defiantly. “I warned you yesterday about your behaviour. I’ll not tolerate anymore of this.”

Ben half dragged him back to his seat and thrust him down into it with considerable force.  He returned to his own chair and continued with his meal.  Opposite him, Hoss put his head down and ate slowly, glancing up out of the corner of his eye every now and then to see if Pa was still angry.  He wanted to ask about the neighbours, but his father in a temper scared him, even when he wasn’t the victim.  He was glad when Pa resumed the conversation a few moments later.

“His name is Paul Marquette and he’s started homesteading to the south of Washoe in the valley.  He has a wife and son.  Her name is Alice and the boy is about eleven.  He seemed a very nice polite boy.” He fixed Adam with a stern stare that made his son look away. “Maybe having someone your own age to set you an example will improve your behaviour, young man.”

Adam had never felt so miserable.  His plan hadn’t worked, he couldn’t understand why, and, worse than that, they seemed happier than ever.  The mention of his birthday had hurt, too.  He could only remember really enjoying one birthday and that had been his sixth, when Inger had made him a cake with candles.  It was a special memory and he didn’t want anything to spoil it, especially a cake made by her.

Marie began to clear the plates and brought an apple pie to the table.  She cut it into slices and offered a plate to Adam.

“I don’t…” he started then he caught a glimpse of his father’s face. “Thank you,” he muttered, accepting the plate with a scowl.

Ben kept his eyes on his eldest son for a moment then took his own plate and poured a generous helping of cream over the pie.

“You cook like this for the Marquettes and they’ll be moving in with us,” he joked. “I’ve put on several pounds since we got married.”

The minute the meal was finished, Hoss asked permission to leave the table.  His father nodded and watched as his youngest son scrambled down to go back by the fire with Honey.  He waited for Adam to ask the same question, knowing that he was going to be stubborn and say nothing.  After five minutes of silent deadlock, Ben gave in. “You may leave the table, Adam,” he said quietly.

Adam got to his feet slowly and crossed over to sit on the hearth by his brother.  He wanted to go to his room but he was sure his father would veto that tonight.  He knew he had pushed his luck about as far as it would go.  He stared into the fire making pictures in the flames and barely glanced up when Marie came and sat on the settee.

Ben brought his cup of coffee to join them around the hearth, he glanced across and caught Marie’s eye. “Do you want to tell them?” he mouthed silently.

Marie nodded and silently mouthed back, “You tell them.”

Ben cleared his throat, suddenly he felt nervous.  He remembered telling Adam that Inger was expecting a baby and the joy that had spread across the five-year-old’s face.  He had a feeling that his news would not be so well received this time.

“Boys, your mother and I have some exciting news for you.” He stopped, knowing as soon as he said the word ‘mother’ that he had judged it badly. While Hoss leaned closer, Adam had shut himself off, a rigid posture and blank expression telling his father that he was no longer interested.

Ben sighed and continued, aware that Adam at least would not be celebrating with them. “Sometime in the spring you’ll be getting a little brother or sister.”

Hoss clapped his hands. “Will I be able to play with him?”

Ben hauled him on to his knee and tickled him. “When the baby is big enough to play yes, but it might be a little girl.”

Hoss shook his head. “I want a little brother.”

Marie smiled. “I’ll see what I can do, sweetie.”

Ben looked at her and then looked back to his eldest son. “Aren’t you pleased Adam?” he asked, trying to draw him into the circle and seeing the resistance.

“Sure, it’ll be one more kid for me to look after,” Adam snapped sarcastically. “May I go to my room now?” He got to his feet and was almost to the door when his father spoke, his voice ominously quiet.

“Yes, I think you’d better.  You and I need to have a talk.”

Adam swallowed hard, he had gone to far this time. He knew exactly what kind of ‘talk’ Pa had in mind, the painful kind.

Marie waited until the door closed behind her stepson then she got to her feet and faced her husband, her expression set hard and determined. Ben was already moving toward the door, his hand unbuckling his belt as he went.

“No, Ben.  That’s not the way,” she held out a hand to restrain him. “I want him to welcome this baby not reject it,” she said her voice gentle but firm.

“What would you have me do, ignore his insolence and his surly behaviour forever?” Ben demanded his temper rising.

Hoss looked from one to the other.  He didn’t like it when anyone quarrelled especially when it was grown-ups.  He was also afraid for his older brother, he knew Pa planned to give him a tanning and the angrier Pa got the worse it would be.

“By all means talk to him; but talk, don’t lecture. He needs to express his feelings about me and the baby, whatever they maybe.  Bottling it up inside him is souring his whole life at the moment.” She held up a hand to still his protest. “I want this to be a happy day for us all.  I don’t want him to remember that the day he learned about his new brother or sister was the day he got a beating.  He’s a hurt, angry little boy who needs help, Ben.”

For a moment it looked as though her plea had failed, Ben shook off her arm and moved to take hold of the door handle.

“Please, for me?” she begged.

He sighed, and the anger receded. “Alright, alright, but if he won’t talk to me, he’ll have to understand that this is his last chance, I want no more of this.”

Hoss watched his father go into Adam’s room, then crept up and slid himself on to Marie’s lap, wanting to be comforted.

“Why doesn’t Adam want the baby, Mama?” he asked softly.

“Oh, he’ll change his mind, you’ll see. You’ll both love the baby and it will love having two big brothers to look after it,” she reassured him, pulling him close and giving him a big hug, wishing his older brother could be as easily persuaded.  Maybe she should try a hug.  The thought made her smile; Adam flinched if she so much as brushed against him accidentally.

 

When Adam closed his bedroom door he felt an overwhelming feeling of being unloved and unwanted.  He sat on his bed with his head in his hands and tried manfully to fight off the tears.  He now knew he couldn’t win.  If there was a baby she would never leave; she would always be there, first in his father’s affections.  He couldn’t compete with the kind of love his father felt for her and now he would have to compete with a new baby.  Everyone always loved babies better than older children.  Somehow he had never felt jealous of Hoss, maybe because his little brother was so kind and gentle and you couldn’t help loving him.

He could hear them still talking, though he couldn’t imagine what about.  He had expected Pa to follow him immediately and he wished he had.  If he was going to get a tanning he’d rather get it over with as quickly as possible.  Pa didn’t often resorted to his belt; normally his punishments were of the kind to take up your free time and make you think about what you had done wrong. When he did decide that a tanning was called for it was usually for deliberately defying him or for being rude, and it was always used if you lied to him.  Of all the crimes in Pa’s book this was the worst and both boys had learned that from the cradle.

He jumped at the sound of the door and scrambled to his feet, the last thing he wanted was to make his father even angrier.  Ben closed the door behind him and indicated that Adam should sit down again.  His son regarded him with puzzled eyes wondering what was coming next.

“I think you need to talk to me rather than me to you,” Ben said seating himself in the wooden chair opposite the bed. “Now, why don’t you explain to me why you’re acting this way?  Perhaps if I understood, I could help.”

Adam looked uncomfortably around the room.  How could he explain what he felt?  He wasn’t even sure himself.  Pa would be angry if he said he hated Marie, but that was the only emotion he could sort out from his jumbled thoughts.  He hated revealing his feelings, he’d rather Pa gave him a hiding and got it over with.  He shrugged his shoulders but said nothing.

“Adam, I’m giving you a chance to tell me why you are being rude, surly and disobedient.  If there is a reason, I’ll listen but I won’t put up with this way of acting anymore.”  Ben used his most gentle voice in the hope that it would coax the boy to open up, but he could feel his temper rising at Adam’s silence. “So what is it, son”’

Adam shook his head.  “I dunno. I just don’t like her.  Why did you marry her?” he spat out.

Ben took a deep breath to keep his temper in check. “Because I love her very much,” he said simply.

“Well, I don’t.  And if I don’t like her, I can’t pretend I do,” his son responded angrily.

Ben nodded. “Marie asked me to give you a chance to explain.  Well, you’ve had it, and I’m not impressed. Whether you like her or not, you will treat her with courtesy and respect from now on.  I accept that you don’t want to refer to her as your mother but you will use her name and you will speak to her in a reasonable tone of voice. You will obey her just as you would me and you will help her as much as you can.  Anything less than this and you will receive a tanning just as I promised.  Is that clearly understood?”

Adam nodded, keeping his eyes on the floor.

“Look at me when I speak to you and answer me, boy.”

Adam slowly lifted his head until his dark solemn eyes met his father’s angry ones.   “Yes, sir, I understand,” he said softly.

Ben almost sighed, why was Adam so hard to understand, why did he keep his feelings hidden so deeply.  Neither he nor Liz had ever held back on their emotions in quite this way although the boy’s stubbornness certainly came from his mother. Once Liz made up her mind, wild horses wouldn’t change it.  It didn’t occur to Ben that in this department Adam had got a double helping, he considered himself quite reasonable.  He held his son’s gaze for a moment longer then got to his feet.

“I think you should get ready for bed now. I don’t think I want your company this evening.” Ben went out closing the door behind him.

Adam buried his head in his pillow and sobbed. He had lost. Worse than that, his father didn’t want him around. He had worshipped his father, thought he could do no wrong and now all of a sudden everything was upside down. It was because of her.

 

For the next few days an armed truce existed. Adam avoided Marie whenever possible and when he couldn’t do that, he was icily polite. He tried not to refer to her by name but occasionally he used it and Marie hated it when he did.  She had never realised how much hatred could be conveyed in polite speech.  He was careful to do nothing that could be considered rude when his father was around, but gradually he began to revert to his original behaviour when they were alone.  He wondered how much she would take before she told Pa.  He knew he would get caught eventually but he couldn’t seem to help himself.

The night before his birthday, he lay in bed trying to decide how to behave the next day.  The new neighbours were coming for lunch and he supposed he would have to be polite and entertain this other kid.  Marie was making a cake but he didn’t want it;  he didn’t want anything from her.  He wondered if his father would give him a gift. All he really wanted from his father on his birthday was a smile and a hug, to show that he didn’t blame him for his mother’s death.  Pa was always sad on this day and Adam could only imagine that the trade of a wife for a son was a poor one.   He fell asleep dreaming of Inger and his sixth birthday, then the nightmare began again.  He awoke, shaking and crying with his father beside him.

“Its alright, you had a bad dream,” his father said, putting his hand on his shoulder and encouraging him to lie down again. “Do you remember what it was about?”

Adam wiped away a tear, and shook his head.  He remembered all too well, but he could never tell Pa, it would upset him too much.

Ben smiled, and patted his son’s hand.  “You Ok now?”

Adam nodded.  “I’ll be fine, Pa.”

Ben waited for a few moments trying to be reassuring but the barrier between them was too high.  He was tempted to give his son a hug but somehow Adam’s body language suggested that it would be rejected and Ben couldn’t bear to suffer that hurt.

After the door closed, Adam got out of bed and spent the rest of the night hunched up in the chair beside the window, dozing but never really sleeping.  By morning there were dark circles under his eyes and he was short-tempered.

He did his chores, shivering in the cold frosty air and then went in to breakfast. Beside his plate was a gift tied up with ribbon and Hoss was bouncing up and down in excitement.

“It’s from me.  Happy birthday, Adam,” he almost shouted.

Adam grinned and opened the parcel, taking his time over the knots which Hoss had tied very tightly and making his little brother more impatient and excited.  Inside was some of the striped peppermint candy that Adam loved and he gave his little brother a big smile and a hug.

Marie saw it and wished she could get that reaction from him instead of the stony silence that greeted her every attempt to be friendly.

“Pa got it for me at Truckee Station.”

Ben laughed. “Getting it into the wrapping without being eaten was the hardest part.” He handed a long thin parcel to Adam. “Happy birthday, son.”

Adam could guess what it was before he opened it.  He had been asking to go hunting with his father for months but it was no fun when he had to be patient and borrow his father’s gun.  He was sure that inside this parcel was the gun he had seen in the Trading Post nearly a year ago.  Pa had said he was too young then; but now he was twelve, he was to be allowed have his own.  He was right and his eyes lit up at the sight of it. He ran his hands along the barrel and then tried the stock against his shoulder.

“Oh, thank you, Pa,” he breathed. “It s beautiful.”

“It’s not a toy, it needs treating with respect. I don’t want to see you using it around the yard. The first few times you use it I will come out with you and we ll hunt together.” Ben said quietly.

“Oh, I promise.” Adam could hardly contain his joy, not just at the gift but at the promise of time spent alone with his father. .

Marie watched silently with a tear in her eye.   Who was this animated, excited boy? She had never seen him like this.  He was so like his father and she loved him for it.  How could she share in this world?  What did she have to do to win his trust to make him smile at her like this?

The Marquettes arrived about half an hour before lunch was ready and Ben introduced them.  Alice Marquette seemed cold and distant with Marie but Paul chatted to cover any silences.  Adam was told to take the boy and show him around and Hoss tagged along after them.

Adam glanced at his guest. “You’re not as tall as me, but then I guess that’s ‘cos you’re younger.”

Ross bristled at this. “I’ll be twelve in two months and I’m not much shorter than you, anyhow.”

“You been to school?” Adam asked. He longed to go himself and it was always his first thought when he met another child.

“Yeah, we lived in St. Louis for a few years, I went there,” Ross muttered. “Its awful. Ain’t you ever bin to school?”

Adam shook his head. “Never lived anywhere near one.”

“Pa says maybe someday we’ll have a school around here. Can you read and stuff?”

Adam leaned on the corral fence and Hoss climbed on to the bottom rail so that he could copy his brother.

“Sure.  My Pa taught me and then my Ma, she helped me a lot too,” Adam replied.

Ross grinned. “Your Ma sure is pretty.”

Adam swung around his face as black as thunder. “That’s not my mother! My mother died when I was born,” he said fiercely.

Ross glared at him. “I thought you said she helped you read.  How could she if she died when you were born?”

Adam continued to glare at him. “I had a stepmother, Hoss’ Ma. She taught me, but she died too.”

Ross shrugged. “So you got another one, and, like I said, she’s real pretty.”

“I don’t like her,” Adam said, turning back to the corral.

“Yeah, I heard Mrs Shaughnessy talking to my Ma.  She don’t like her either, said she was ….” he hesitated. “I can’t remember the word but she said she was trouble with all the men around here.”

Adam smiled to himself.  Jose had done his work well. Even if Pa hadn’t believed him, obviously everyone else had.

“Boys, its time for lunch,”  Ben interrupted from the porch.

Paul Marquette and Ben dominated the conversation with talk of ranch problems, but Marie tried to draw Alice into conversation too.  She met only a stony wall of resistance which reminded her of her stepson.  The meal was a success and Paul was effusive in his praise of her cooking, so much so that his wife glared at him.  Adam’s birthday cake was a masterpiece of  chocolate and frosting with twelve candles for him to blow out.  Marie was pleased with it, she had made her own candles and used almost all of their precious supply of sugar but it was worth it.  She managed a small feeling of triumph;  at least Adam had joined in and then eaten two slices, so it couldn’t have been too bad.  She would have been less pleased if she had known what he wished as the candles flickered and died.

Late into the evening, when the Marquettes had gone home and the last of the cake had been consumed, Marie found herself alone with Adam.  Hoss had gone to bed tired and happy a few moments before and Ben was nowhere around.

“Where’s your father?” Marie asked pleasantly.

Adam looked up from his book. “Can’t you manage for five minutes without him?” he snarled. “He’s out on the porch looking at the stars and thinking of my mother.  He always does that on my birthday,” he finished sullenly.  He was delighted to see the hurt on her face, at least they had one thing in common, Pa preferred the company of a memory to either one of them.

“I’m going to bed,” he said getting up and moving to his door.

“Aren’t you going to say goodnight to your father?” she asked.

Adam shrugged.  “No, he won’t want me there to remind him of what he lost.”

Marie recoiled in shock as the door slammed.  Suddenly some of the pieces were falling into place.  Adam was afraid that his father didn’t love him, afraid that he was to blame for the death of his mother.  Maybe here was the opening she needed.  She would talk to Ben about it, but not tonight.  It would open wounds that were already too near the surface.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 8

 

 

“Hoss be careful with those.  I want enough plates left for us to be able to have our meals on them,” Marie smiled at her youngest stepson who was helping her to pack.

The boxes and packages were being stacked beside the door and Charlie and Jake were loading them on to a wagon.  It would take a couple of days to move everything, particularly as the last snow fall had stuck and was making the trail to the new house slippery for the wagon.  Most of the animals had been moved and the hands were safely ensconced in the new bunkhouse.  The main house had taken longer than Ben had expected because he wanted it to be perfect.  The shell was complete, although most of the windows had shutters and no glass; it was difficult and expensive to get glass from San Francisco, the main room and the occupied bedrooms would be glazed soon but the kitchen and the rest of the house would have to wait until Spring.  The shutters made the rooms dark but kept out the winter weather.  The staircase was now finished and Marie loved the way it curved into the main room.  There were no interior walls on the ground floor yet and the upper floor only had the rooms divided by the roof supports and blankets.

“Where’s Adam?” she asked.  “He’s supposed to be packing the things in his room.”

Hoss looked up for a second and almost dropped one of the pretty pink and white china cups.  He gave his stepmother a guilty look, but she was smiling at him.

“He said he was going to help Jose with the horses.”

Marie frowned.  She still had a hard time talking to Jose and felt Adam spent far too much time in his company.  Jose hadn’t given an inch since the night Brian was here, he remained polite and distant, his glances making her feel uncomfortable.  She was sure he also had a hand in making sure that Adam remained cold toward her.

“Go find him for me, sweetie. He won’t like it if I start packing his things but we must get it done before your father gets back for the next load.”

Hoss ran off happily and she turned back to the next box.  She worked steadily for another half-an-hour, surprised that Hoss had not returned with his brother.  In fact Hoss had been side tracked by his dog and hadn’t even looked properly.

Eventually Marie decided that she could wait no longer.  She took an empty box and pushed open Adam’s door.  It wasn’t often that she saw inside this room and she was surprised at how neat and tidy her stepson kept it.  Everything was set in place with almost military precision, there was no dust and nothing left lying around.

She walked to the shelves and took down some of the books and began putting them in the carton, leafing through them as she went out of curiosity.  Her eye fell on a well-worn cover and she pulled it from the shelf.  Maybe knowing what Adam liked to read would help her understand him.  ‘Paradise Lost’ she read on the spine, a strange choice for someone so young, she thought.  She flipped the book open to the flyleaf, then almost dropped it in shock.  ‘Elizabeth, my love.’  She saw the words in Ben’s distinctive handwriting.   Her heart beating rapidly she gently placed the book in the box.  She had always known that she would never totally possess her husband, a small part of him would always be Inger’s and Elizabeth’s, but never had she felt it so strongly as at this moment.  She didn’t really feel jealous of Inger; she and Ben had only had a very short time together and she could imagine how sweet and gentle she had been every time she looked at Hoss.  Elizabeth was different; she was his first love, a passionate, vibrant love that would never die.  Yes, she felt threatened by Elizabeth and by Elizabeth’s son, the permanent reminder of that all consuming passion.  She glanced across at the picture of Adam’s mother resting on the desk, ‘I want to understand him, please help me.’ she whispered.

Slowly she sank on to the bed, allowing her heartbeat to return to normal.  Her eye fell on the music box on Adam’s night table and she lifted the lid, allowing the pretty tune to lift her spirits.  She rested her hand on her belly and tried to imagine what it would be like to have a baby of her own again, nothing would ever make her forget her firstborn son but this child was her hope for the future, hers and Ben’s.

“How dare you touch my mother’s music box,” Adam’s voice spat at her from the doorway.  He moved across the room and closed the lid firmly. He turned snarling at her, “Get out of my room.”

Marie was shocked.  In all their previous quarrels never had she seen such naked hatred in those dark eyes.  She got to her feet still subconsciously holding her stomach as if to protect her child from this attack.

“I’m sorry, Adam,” she said softly. “I needed to get things packed and you weren’t here.”

“Well, I’m here now and I don’t want you or that kid of yours anywhere near my things ever,” he snarled.

Marie dropped her hands to her sides and moved for the door.  “Well, since you’re here not only can you do your own packing but you can help Hoss with his,” she said stiffly.

“I don’t have to do what you say,” he turned on her again.

“Yes, you do, Adam, your father told you to,” she replied angrily, her patience with him now gone.  She knew that if he continued to defy her there was little she could do, so she played her only card.  “He will be back in a moment, you can tell him why your things aren’t packed.” She swept out of the doorway and left him standing amidst the half empty boxes.

Once out of the room she leaned against the wall and took deep breaths to calm herself.  She knew that her continuing battles with her stepson were not making this pregnancy any easier.  She couldn’t remember feeling so tired when she had been expecting her first child, certainly not at this early stage.

Adam watched her go then shrugged his shoulders, he really didn’t mind packing but he wasn’t going to be ordered to do it by her.  He began to put his books into the carton in a desultory way, not hurrying but doing enough to show his father that he had done as he was told.  By the time the wagon returned he had done about half of the work and he speeded up a little at the sound of his father’s voice.  He listened to the conversation in the main room, but Marie said nothing about their argument.

“I thought you’d be all packed by now, Adam?” Ben said as he came in to the bedroom to collect the first of the boxes.

“It took longer than I thought,” he replied, casually.

Ben frowned and indicated the books, “I suppose you stopped to read,” he said, shaking his head in exasperation. “I’d like to get moved in before Christmas,” he added, sarcastically.

He began moving the cartons that were packed and loading them into the wagon.  Despite Adam the final trip to the new house was accomplished before dark and exhausted they spent their first night camped on the floor on the main room, too tired to do more than unpack the bedding.

 

In the winter days that followed Marie was grateful for the extra space the new house afforded them. Long days confined to the house and constantly in each other’s company led to arguments and confrontations. On days when the snow prevented work outside, Ben and Adam worked on building the interior walls on the upper floor.  For the first few weeks Marie found the lack of privacy a trial.  It had been her safety valve to escape to her bedroom and know that she could not be seen or heard by her stepsons.  Having only a blanket between her and the boys made her feel uncomfortable.   She was relieved when the walls were complete and her room had a door.

Adam still ignored his stepmother or if his father was absent was rude and disobedient.  He enjoyed working on the house with his father and on those days Marie saw a glimpse of the boy he could be; bright, cheerful and hard-working.  Some of the best ideas for the house came from him and he proved himself a competent carpenter.  When it came to arranging the kitchen he appeared to take no notice of Marie’s suggestions but when it was finished she discovered that he had heard every word and the result was exactly as she wanted.

Hoss followed his brother like a little shadow, which was not always to Adam’s liking, particularly as he continually asked questions of both his brother and his father..

“Why have we got two bedrooms each and some left over?” he asked when the walls on the upper floor were complete.

“Well, it’s one each and the rest are for visitors,” Ben replied.

“But we don’t get any visitors,” the little boy said with a puzzled frown.

Ben smiled. “In the spring there will be wagons moving through the valley and sometimes folk will want somewhere to rest.  We can offer them shelter and maybe trade with them.  Now which bedroom is going to be yours?” he asked trying to divert his son’s attention from the tools he was picking up.

Hoss ran into each room and came back and announced that he wanted the one that looked over the mountains.

“Alright, then that’s yours and the baby can have the room next to you, how would you like that?”

Hoss clapped his hands. “Then we can visit.”

“Not after bedtime you can’t.” Ben said with a grin.

Adam listened to the exchange with ill-concealed anger.  He had worked hard on the house and Pa hadn’t asked him which room he wanted.  It didn’t matter that he had no interest in the room Hoss had chosen; he simply wanted to be given first choice.

“Mama and I will have the room at the front.”  Ben turned to his oldest son. “What about you? Adam.  Which room do you want?”

Adam shrugged, “I don’t care.”

Ben sighed.  He could tell by the boy’s tone that he was sulking again and he knew why.  Maybe he should have asked him first but Hoss was just a baby, it had seemed fairer to give him first choice. “’Well, you’ve still got plenty to choose from, I’ll leave it to you to put your things where ever you want.”

Adam grumbled under his breath as he began to gather up the tools.

“Oh for goodness sake, stop being so childish,” Ben snapped and then regretted his outburst.  Why did Adam always push him to the limit of his patience.

He was rescued from further comment by Marie’s voice calling them to supper.  Ben chased Hoss down the stairs, leaving Adam to follow with an angry scowl on his face.  Marie was placing dishes on the table and as Ben reached the bottom of the stairs he saw her wipe her hand across her eyes.  She looked very pale and tired.  Ben worried about her and constantly suggested that she do less but it was impossible for her to rest for long.  Charlie had disappeared;  apparently it was quite usual for him to take a job then wander off to the nearest saloon for several months.  Jose and Jake both said he would be back but that was small comfort.  Ben wished he could find some more help for her but it was unlikely that he would be able to hire anyone before the spring.  With most of the house finished, days settled into a routine which left them little time to worry about anything more than surviving until the weather improved.

 

Ben and Marie’s first Christmas together was also their first Christmas in the new house.  The neighbours visited and Marie did her best to provide all the trimmings that she remembered from her childhood Christmases but she was aware that even her best efforts were rejected by Adam.  She wished she had been able to attend church but the nearest was probably in Sacramento, it had been nearly eight months since she had been to Mass or Confession and she felt it very strongly.  Her guilt was heightened when emerging from her room on Christmas Eve she heard Adam making some uncharitable remarks about her ‘constant praying’ to Hoss.  She had lost her temper and they had argued leaving an atmosphere which pervaded the rest of the evening.  He had then ignored her for the whole of Christmas Day. She worried for days about her attitude to her stepson and how her feelings were beginning to be at odds with her faith.  He was a child, she should forgive him not condemn him, but he was making forgiveness very difficult.  She prayed for help but her prayers went unanswered.

Once the cloistered ‘family’ pressure of Christmas had passed her optimistic nature began to triumph again, she began to feel a part of this wild country.  She surprised herself with the tasks she learned and felt proud of her accomplishments.  Jake praised her on several occasions and he was quick to help her when she didn’t understand some procedure on the ranch.  The only neighbours who seemed to welcome her were the Hammonds.  The two brothers Chad and Tom accepted her as she was and if they had heard Jose’s opinions they never showed it. They were bachelors but Tom had met a girl in San Francisco last fall and come spring he hoped to go back and get married.  Marie rejoiced at the thought that there would be another woman nearby and one who wasn’t first a friend of Alice or Kathleen.  She wished Tom had married her before the snows then there would have been someone to be with her when the baby came. Two important people still had to be won over but she pushed that thought from her mind as much as possible.

Jose spoke only when forced to do so and often when she was talking to one of the other men she would see him watching her.  She knew she was becoming sensitive to his looks when she caught herself freezing a smile at Jake in case Jose saw her.  On one occasion she was sharing a joke with one of the newer hands and Jose shouted at him to return to his work.

“I was talking to Andy,” she said softly when Jose passed her.

“Well, maybe you should stick to talking to your husband, Senora,” Jose snapped.

“I’ll talk to whom ever I chose, Senor Bettencort,” she replied, her eyes flashing. Had he been there, Adam could have told Jose it was time to back off but Jose had not yet seen her temper.

“What exactly is your problem with me?”

Jose drew up himself up and stared back at her. “I don’t have to tell you anything.  You already know what you are and I treat you as you deserve. If you don’t like the way I treat you, tell your husband to give me my pay.”

“You know nothing,” she snarled. “You believe what Jean believed, a lie, set up by his mother… and as for what I was, my husband knows about my past and that is exactly what it is, the past.  My husband needs you to run this ranch.  I have no intention of telling him whom to hire or fire, but I suggest you watch what you say to my stepson.  I’m not going to disappear and your attitude is making things worse for Adam, of whom you say you are fond.”

Jose held her angry stare for a moment.  “Jean was my friend” he said softly.

Marie nodded slowly. “He was also a weak man who was ruled by his mother.  How many times did he refer to her opinions, Jose?  How often did you hear him express his own”’

She thought she saw him nodded imperceptibly but she couldn’t be sure.  She hated to be at odds with this man.  He was a fine worker and Ben had a great respect for his knowledge and judgement.  She sighed.

“I can’t make you believe me, but I can assure you that I love my husband very much and there is no other man that interests me.”

She stood for a moment to let her words sink in, then she went back inside.  Jose watched her, she seemed so sincere… but he couldn’t bring himself to doubt his dead friend.

 

Her relationship with Adam deteriorated every day, as she became larger and  more ungainly, he seemed to revel in making tasks more difficult for her.  On several occasions he allowed the wood box to remain empty, knowing she would have to carry it from the yard.  He deliberately turned a deaf ear to her requests for help and she was too tired to fight him   When he did speak it was to treat her with contempt and she began to dread being in a room with him unless Ben was there.  He hadn’t yet dared to show any of this bad behaviour in front of  is father.  Time after time, Marie told herself she should confide in her husband but she always changed her mind at the last moment, convinced that it would only make things worse.  Each occasion wore her down still further until she began to jump at the sound of his voice.

Hoss was her ally, he tried to do all the things Adam failed to do and to make excuses for him. “He forgot; he’s busy; he asked me to…” were just some of his responses when Marie questioned him about the extra chores.  As a result of his solicitude, the two grew closer and Hoss learned a lot from his stepmother.

February was the coldest Marie had ever known and she spent her afternoons with her sewing in front of the huge stone fireplace which was the only really warm part of the house.

‘Mama, will you read to me?’  Hoss asked bringing a book and trying to climb on her lap.

Marie put down her sewing and smiled. “I’ll read but I’m not sure there is room for all of us in this chair.  Why don’t we sit on the settee, instead.”

“When will the baby come?  I wanna play with him,” Hoss said settling himself on the settee and waiting for Marie to join him.

“He won’t come until early summer darling, so you’ll have to be patient,” Marie replied cuddling her stepson to her and opening the book he had brought.

“I can’t wait that long,” Hoss sighed.

“I know how you feel sweetie but I can’t hurry it up, I wish I could,” she sighed.

She really did wish she could hurry the birth, she was looking forward to holding her baby but also dreading the day.  There was no one to help her;  Alice Marquette made it clear at Christmas that she believed the rumours that Jose had circulated and wanted nothing to do with her and Kathleen had been cold and distant.  There were no other women nearer than fifty miles and no doctor or midwife for more than a hundred.

“Mama, read it,” Hoss’ insistent little voice broke through her thoughts.

She began the story and had read a few sentences before she realised that parts of it were too complicated for a five year old.  She missed a few pieces and then began to make up extra bits to enliven the tale.

“If you’re not going to read it properly, why bother?” Adam snapped from the bottom step of the staircase.

Marie’s head shot up and she glared at him ‘I’m telling Hoss a story and we’re doing fine…..and don’t take that tone with me.’  she said sharply.

Adam lounged against the newel post. “He’s never gonna learn anything if you don’t tell him stuff properly.”

Hoss hated to see them argue and his eyes darted from one to the other. “I like Mama’s story, she explains it to me,” he glared at his older brother, willing him to go away.  He wanted Marie to himself.

“If you don’t want to listen, I suggest you go and help your father with the chores.”  Marie said picking up the story where she had left off and ignoring the black look he gave her.

Adam waited a few seconds to see if she would look up to check that he was obeying her, but when it was obvious that he would be unable to annoy her further, he grabbed his coat and went out into the yard.

The heavy snowfall of the night before had left drifts and only a narrow path was clear between the barn and the house.  To the left of the porch stood the snowman that Hoss had built earlier in the day and Adam kicked at it as he went past, sending snow flying in every direction.

Ben was watching from the barn and he sighed, what had brought on yet another tantrum?  He really would have to have a serious talk with his oldest son, he was becoming impossible to live with and making everyone’s life a misery.  At least he appeared to be taking his words to heart and there had been no more incidences of rudeness to Marie, he was always polite in fact to the point of coldness but at least polite.  Ben turned to go back into the barn wondering if he should mention that he had seen Adam’s childish act.  He wished that his son and his wife could sort their differences but he couldn’t see how he could do it for them.   He mulled the problem over in his head while he worked and decided that maybe if the two of them had some time together alone it might help.  It couldn’t do any harm, could it?

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 9

 

 

The cold snowy weather continued through February and into March and the problems of cabin fever became worse not better.  Ben’s idea of leaving Adam and Marie alone together had  failed dismally, he took Hoss with him to check on the logging operation, leaving Adam to do the chores.  When he returned Adam was in his room reading and the chores only half done. He had reprimanded his son and sent him to finish his work and then asked Marie what had happened.  Marie had explained that they’d got on fine, she’d just forgotten to ask him to do a few things.  Ben wasn’t convinced but she refused all attempts by her husband to tell him any more.  In reality she and Adam had argued violently over his chores and he had gone to his room slamming the door and refusing to come out.

The afternoon story sessions for Hoss became Marie’s lifeline, she could relax and rest while entertaining her young stepson.  Adam usually went to his room or out to the barn to avoid them, jealous of the attention Hoss received and angry because Hoss no longer came to him for stories.

“What’s it to be today?” Marie asked one afternoon in late March.  It had stopped snowing but a blanket of it lay on the ground and it was very cold.

Hoss shook his head, “I dunno, we’ve read all Pa’s books ain’t we?”

Marie smiled. “Well all the ones you would like.”

“P’raps Adam’s got somethin’ in his room,” Hoss said shooting off the settee and heading for the stairs.

Marie got to her feet slowly, it was hard work now that she was nearly seven months pregnant. “Wait, sweetie.  Adam may not like you borrowing his books.”

Hoss was out of sight around the bend in the stairs and did not hear her.  Marie sighed and followed him.  She’d better make sure he didn’t touch anything.

“What about this one?” Hoss said as she stood at Adam’s door.  He held up a book for her approval.

“Are you sure Adam won’t mind you borrowing it?” she asked.  In her heart of hearts she knew that he wouldn’t mind Hoss having it but he would object to her touching it.

Hoss’ attention had moved on and he was standing staring at Adam’s night table. “Will the baby look like the cherubs on the music box?” he asked, picking up the precious object and turning it over in his hands.

Marie’s heart was in her mouth. “Put that down sweetie, you might break it.” She recalled the time she had touched it and Adam’s reaction.  Hoss made no move to do as he was told and Marie walked over to him.

“Let’s put it back…” she started.

“What are you doing in here?” snarled Adam’s voice from the doorway, he had come in from the yard and heard voices upstairs. ‘This is my room, or don’t I get any privacy from you.’

“We came to borrow a book, we didn’t think you’d mind,” Marie said quietly trying to defuse the situation.

“Well I do mind,” he snapped his dark eyes blazing at her. “Hoss put that down.”

Hoss looked shocked. “I wanted a new story and I was looking at the babies on the music box, that’s all.”

Adam snatched it from him and placed it back on the table. “Leave my things alone,”  He gave Hoss a firm push which sent his little brother sprawling back against the bed. “And stay out of my room.”

Marie got between them. “Stop it.  Adam apologise to your brother, he didn’t mean any harm.”

Adam ignored her and sidestepping her arm gave Hoss another push.  This time Hoss retaliated.

“Go to hell,” he snarled. “You can’t tell me what to do. You’re not my mother.  My mother died having me.”  He paused and stared at her with such venom that she recoiled. “When you have that baby I hope you’ll die, too.”

Marie gasped.  He wished her dead and he meant every word.  She was aware of  someone moving swiftly across the room, but her rapid heartbeat and the tears in her eyes made it all seem so far away.

Adam’s expression had changed instantly from hate to fear, his father had been standing in the doorway, and he had never looked more powerful or more angry.  It was obvious that he had heard every word.  He reached his son in two strides and grabbed him by the arm and shook him until his teeth rattled.

“How dare you?  How dare you speak to Marie like that?” his voice was shaking with rage which was totally uncontrolled.  “Apologise at once!”

Although his overwhelming feeling was one of fear, Adam looked defiantly at his father and shook his head, his stubborn pride still holding strong over his good sense.

Ben gripped him harder. “Apologise, or I’ll give you a tanning you will never forget,” he said, through gritted teeth.

Again Adam shook his head, still holding his father’s angry gaze without wavering.   He was trembling with a mixture of anger and fear, but nothing was going to make him apologise. Hoss looked from one to the other in shock.  He knew his brother’s words were unforgivable but he had never seen his father look so angry.  He moved away from them and cowered by the door frame but unable to take his eyes from the scene before him.  Marie was now sobbing uncontrollably in one corner, her hands over her face.  His father had unbuckled his belt and was administering such a thrashing that Hoss feared for his brother’s life.  This was a different man to the father he knew and he shrank away from him..

Suddenly Marie pushed past him and ran for her bedroom her hands covering her face.  Hoss didn’t know whether to follow her or stay to help his brother.  Pa showed no sign that he had even noticed him.  Finally Ben released Adam and straightened up, breathing heavily but a little more in control of himself.  Adam tried to rub away some of the stinging pain with one hand while scrubbing his eyes fiercely with the other.  He was crying bitterly, his breath coming in gasps between the sobs and hiccups. He glanced up at their father, and Hoss saw that some of the old defiance was still there.  He watched as his brother clenched and unclenched his fists at his side, in an effort to control his emotions.

“I…h…hate you,” Adam spat at his father between sobs, then ran from the room.

Hoss watched as his father sighed then sank down on to Adam’s bed with his head in his hands, unbelievably as he watched he saw a tear trickle between Pa’s fingers and drop to the floor.  He backed away and went outside taking Honey and retreating to the barn until things returned to normal.

Ben sat perfectly still for several minutes trying to understand and control his feelings.  He had done something he had vowed he would never do, he had punished one of his children in pure anger.  He had not thrashed his son because he thought it would be for his good, or even because he thought it the right punishment, he’d not thought about it at all; he’d done it as an instinctive reaction to his own anger, because it made him feel better.  On reflection he knew that he would probably have decided on the same punishment if he had stopped to think, but that wasn’t the point, he had lost control, something he hadn’t done since he was a very young man.  Before he married Liz he had been renown, both in his own family and with his shipmates, as someone who could let loose with an incredible temper.  He had learned to control it over the years although he had to admit that he and Liz had fought often, both being as stubborn as one another.  He closed his eyes and nodded, the same stubbornness he had just witnessed in their son.

He took several deep breaths and got slowly to his feet.  He had to find Marie and try to calm her,  he could hardly imagine what this must have done to her.  He found her lying face down on their bed sobbing wildly.  He sat beside her and gathered her into his arms, rocking her gently to and fro until her sobs began to abate.

“Don’t cry, my darling. He’s very jealous and mixed up.  He didn’t mean what he said,” Ben’s voice was soothing and calm, although inside he felt anything but calm.

Marie sat up and brushed away her tears with her sleeve.

“Oh, Ben, he meant it.  He meant every word.” She swallowed hard and tried to control her tears. “He hates me and I don’t know what to do.”

“How long has this been going on, has he been saying things like this all along?”  Ben asked suddenly suspecting that she had hidden the true picture from him.

She nodded. “He’s a little boy, he lashes out without thinking.”

Ben frowned.

“It doesn’t really matter what he thinks of me, but he thinks you don’t love him. He thinks I am coming between you.”

Ben stared at her incredulously. “He what? What ever gave him that crazy idea?”

Marie reached up to stroke his face, “He thinks you blame him for his mother’s death, but not half as much as he blames himself.  He’s eaten up with guilt.  That’s why he said what he did.”

Ben held her by her shoulders and looked into her eyes. “That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard.  I’ve never even considered it.  Liz died when he was born, but all I’ve ever felt for him is joy that some small part of her lives on, just as Inger lives on in Hoss.”

Marie held him close. “Have you ever told him that?  Ever hugged him the way you hug Hoss all the time?”

Ben glared at her. “Are you saying that I favour one over the other?”

“Now, don’t get mad at me.  I know it’s not that, but you don’t show your affection for Adam so openly,” Marie said quietly, her sobs now subsided into the occasional hiccup.

Ben sighed. “He’d probably push me away.  He’s never been keen on hugs even when he was very small.”

“How do you know unless you keep trying?” she said softly.  “Find him, Ben.  Make him understand how you feel.”

Ben nodded.  “I’ll try, but he’s just told me that he hates me, and after the tanning I just gave him, I really can’t say I blame him.  I doubt he’s going to want to listen to me telling him how much I love him, never mind allow me to give him that hug”’

 

Ben stayed with Marie until he was sure she was alright, then he went looking for his eldest son.  He had expected to find Adam in the barn or the bunkhouse but all he discovered was a group of slightly embarrassed ranch hands and a very miserable small boy and his dog.  He bent down beside his youngest son and absentmindedly stroked Honey’s ears. He felt Hoss tense as he brushed against him and he swallowed hard, that little scene had hurt all of them.  It wasn’t going to be easy to regain the ground he had lost with his sons.

“Hoss, do you know where Adam went?” he asked gently.

Hoss shook his head, he wouldn’t tell even if he did know but all he was sure of was that Adam had run behind the barn.

Ben guessed that Hoss was trying to be loyal to his older brother, so he tried again. “Do you know where he might go?  I’m not angry with him anymore, I need to find him and explain something to him that’s all.”

Hoss still hesitated, but he realised that it was mid-afternoon and Adam had been gone for over an hour. “He ran that way,” he pointed over his shoulder toward the mountains. “Maybe he went to the lake.”

Ben’s mouth dropped open. “On foot?” he gasped. “Jake, saddle my horse for me, please,” he yelled to his foreman, who was lounging by the bunkhouse unsure what to do.  “Get the rest saddled up and tell the men to start looking for Adam, he’s out there somewhere on foot.  I’ll search by the lake.”  He turned back to his youngest son. “You get inside and tell Mama where I’ve gone and you look after her for me, okay?”

Hoss nodded and ran off across the yard, entering the house before his father’s horse was ready.  A few minutes later, Ben rode off toward the lake shore, knowing that if they didn’t find Adam he would be lucky to survive the night.  In a few hours the temperature in those mountains would drop dramatically and another blizzard was a distinct possibility.

 

Adam had no idea where he was going when he rushed from the room, he only knew he had to get away.  He flew past Jake who was heading for the house and dodged the man’s outstretched arm.  Jake guessed that something terrible had happened in there, he had watched the battle between Marie and Adam and knew that at some point it would have to come to a head. He turned away and made for the bunkhouse, now was not the time to intrude on the family.  It had to sort out its own problems, no matter how much he wanted to help the boy.

After a mile or so Adam stopped running and gasping for breath he slowed to a walk. He walked for hours not knowing or caring where he was going.  He climbed upwards into the pines and allowed the cold shadows to depress him still further.  He was cold and very miserable: no one cared about him; he had ruined any chance of a home with his stepmother and killed his own mother, for which his father hated him.  The pain from his tanning was enough evidence of that.  He could never remember seeing his father so angry or so out of control.

He realised that he was heading in the direction of the lake and he decided to make for the shack they used when they were fishing at Sand Cove.  It had been built a few years ago by some early mountain man to house him through a winter and it would provide shelter for the night. Tomorrow he would decide what to do.  He began to walk more briskly to warm himself, the snow had been blown into drifts and as long as he picked his way carefully it wasn’t too difficult.  He had cut through the mountains and followed a stream down to the lake, he guessed he had been walking for maybe three or four hours.

His first glimpse of the shack came as the sun began to set and watched the beauty of it in silence, contemplating what he had thrown away.  He covered the last mile in twilight and by the time he reached shelter it was dark.  He was very cold and desperately hungry but even in the shack there was nothing to eat and very little shelter.  He had forgotten that it hadn’t been repaired this summer because Pa had been away; away in New Orleans, oh how he wished Pa had never made that trip.  He leaned against the door frame, his dark head resting on the pillar and suddenly the tears came again, heart rending sobs that he could not stop. Finally when there were no more tears left to shed he went inside the shack and collapsed on to the cot.   There was one blanket and a lumpy straw mattress which was slightly damp but Adam was so tired that he didn’t even notice.  He hugged his coat around him and wrapped himself in the blanket too tired to think and too tired to make a fire.

Ben followed the trail to the lake as Hoss had suggested, hardly believing that Adam had walked all this way, it would have taken hours, and surely he would have overtaken him by now.  He wasn’t sure which part of the lake to search but he knew Adam’s favourite spot was Crystal Bay so he decided to try there first.  Finding no sign of his son, he turned south and rode along the shore.  Darkness fell as he rode increasing his worries.  As far as he knew Adam had never been out alone after dark except around the yard.  Somewhere out here his son was alone, cold, hungry, frightened and very miserable and Ben began to feel guilty.  Why hadn’t he seen how much his marriage had upset Adam? Why had he assumed it was a childish tantrum that would go away if he ignored it?  Marie had understood him far better than his own father.

As he approached Sand Cover he recalled the shack and decided to take a look.  It looked deserted but he pushed open the door anyway.  His heart missed a beat as he saw his son curled up on the cot, sound asleep.  He knelt down beside the bed and hesitated, he had to wake him but he didn’t want to frighten him.  The boy’s face was pale and streaked with tears and it tore at his heart.  He reached out a hand and gently stroked his son’s black hair then whispered his name.

“Adam, wake up son.  You can’t sleep here,” his voice was soft and calm.

Adam stirred sleepily.  Then, realising where he was and who was speaking, he shot to his feet ready to run again, but his father grabbed his arm.

“Hey, it’s time to come home, son.  You can’t stay out here,” Ben said still keeping his voice quiet.

Adam realised that he couldn’t escape this time and his shoulders slumped in defeat. To his amazement his father put his arm around him.

Ben was shocked at how cold and damp Adam’s shirt felt and through the thin material he could feel his son shivering.

“I need to talk to you, but first let me get a fire going before we both freeze.” Ben released him for a moment hoping he wouldn’t run but feeling the need to show him he trusted him.  He went outside and fetched a few sticks and some logs that were still stored at the back of the shack.  Bending to the fire place he took a pine cone and struck a match, the cone flared easily and he added the kindling.  All the time aware of the tension in the boy watching him.

“That better?”

Adam stared at the floor and nodded, afraid to trust his voice.

Ben lowered himself to a stool by the fireplace.

“I guess we’ve both been pretty stupid, haven’t we?” he said glancing up at his son who still stood motionless by the bed.  “You should have told me how unhappy you’ve been and I should have noticed sooner.  I thought I had made it easy for you to talk to me about your problems but I was wrong.” Ben reached out and pulled Adam towards him giving him the hug Marie had recommended; he felt the boy tense, fighting against the closeness.

“Why do you hate Marie so much?  Is it because you think that my loving her means I love you less?” he asked, tilting Adam’s chin to make him look at him.

“You don’t love me at all,” Adam said suddenly, his voice breaking with stress.

Ben felt as if a knife had been driven into him.  He tried to keep eye contact with his son but the look of despair and defeat in those dark eyes was more than he could bear.  Marie was right.

“Oh, son, you are so wrong.  I love you very much.  When your mother died she left me the most precious gift; you.  You know, you re a lot like her; she was stubborn and she had a temper a lot like yours.  When we argued, and we did often, she would never explain her feelings, she expected me to know.  She once said to me, ‘I won’t beg you to understand me’.  That’s exactly how you have been acting, expecting me to know what’s troubling you without saying a word.  Well, I think finally I do begin to understand you.”

He hugged him close and stroked his hair.  Adam no longer pushed away but he stood silent and unresponsive still not believing the words he was hearing.  Ben placed his hands on his son’s shoulders and took a deep breath.

“Adam, listen to me carefully.  You were not responsible for your mother’s death.  It happens sometimes.  I’m very grateful that I have you as a reminder of her and of our love.  I  love you, and I love Hoss, and now I love Marie and the child she will have.  Loving more than one person doesn’t mean there is less love for the others.  Love isn’t like a cake that is one size and the more slices you cut the smaller they get, love grows to match the need.” He glanced down at Adam’s dark head. “Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you?”

Adam shuddered, then nodded. “I think so. I’m sorry.”

Ben still wasn’t convinced that all the hurt had been exorcised, he tried to think of anything else that could be troubling the child.

“I remember how good you were with Hoss when he was a baby, you adored him.  Why is this baby different?” he asked softly.

Adam sniffed several times. Ben handed him a handkerchief, after blowing his nose loudly and wiping away a few more tears, he tried to express his feelings. “I dunno, I guess ‘cos everyone will spoil it and make a fuss of it, folks always do with babies, and I’ll be left to do all the chores.”

Ben smiled a little. “You could look at it another way, it’ll be one more brother or sister to help with the chores the way Hoss is starting to do.  People seem to make a fuss of a new baby because babies are helpless and need lots of attention, they know that older children can be trusted to look out for themselves and tell them what they need.”

Ben hugged him very close and was gratified to find that Adam didn’t resist this time. “Do you think we could go home? It’s getting very cold, this fire isn’t going to help much and Marie and Hoss will wonder where we are.  Not to mention the men I’ve got out searching for you,” Ben said softly.

Adam looked up in surprise. “You mean Jake and the others are looking for me, too?”

Ben smiled. “Of course, you don’t think we’d let you runaway without looking for you, did you?”

“’Is… Marie …very angry with me?” he stumbled slightly over her name.

“No, she was upset at what you said but mostly she was worried for you.  She loves you very much, you know”’

“Why?  I’ve been awful to her,” Adam admitted.

“So I hear. I guess you’ll have to ask her why she cares about you in spite of your determination that she shouldn’t.”  He ushered Adam out of the shack and over to his horse. “Now, let s get on home.  I didn’t bring your pony so you’ll have to ride double with me.”

Adam looked up at his father and winced at the thought of riding all the way back home.

“Sorry, son, but you’ll just have to put up with the discomfort unless you want to walk back.  I’m sorry I didn’t see how unhappy you were but I make no apology for punishing you. That little speech of yours was unforgivable no matter how miserable you were.  It hurt Marie and you still owe her an apology,” Ben said firmly.

For Adam the ride home was painful in more ways than one; he now felt very guilty at all the things he had said to his stepmother.  a tiny part of him was still too stubborn to admit that he might actually like her, but he decided that he would no longer show his dislike so openly.  He would give her a chance; a chance to show him that she cared about him. But she would have to come to him, he had no intention of making any positive move toward her.

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 10

 

 

Marie stood shivering on the front porch watching the first flakes of snow fall.  It was dark and very cold.  She had prayed that Ben or one of the men would find her stepson, but  her hopes were fast fading.  Only Ben and Jake had not yet returned.  She felt a tug on her shawl and saw Hoss snuggling up to her skirts;  reaching down, she put her arm around him as she pulled him closer.

“They’ll be back soon.  Your Pa will have found him,” she said, with a confidence she didn’t feel.

Hoss looked up at her with tears in his eyes. “Pa was so angry,” he said softly.

Marie knelt down and gathered Hoss into her arms. “Sometimes even grown-ups lose their temper.  He and Adam will sort it”’

Hoss felt comforted and secure enough to ask the question that puzzled him most. “Why does Adam hate you?  I think you’re nice”’

Marie tried not to chuckle but she couldn’t hide a smile. “Well, I’m glad you think that, sweetie.  I think you’re nice too.”  She sighed, “And I think Adam’s nice, under that shell of his, am I right?”

Hoss nodded. “He’s awful clever and he can do most anything”’

“I kind of thought that was the case.  He’s a pretty good big brother, isn’t he?  He’ll be a good teacher to the baby, and so will you.”

Hoss looked up at her. “But why does he hate you?” he persisted, not swayed by Marie’s attempts to change the subject.

Marie cocked her head on one side”

“He said he hated Pa, too,” Hoss frowned at her. “Did he mean that?”

Marie ruffled his hair. “No, of course not. We all say things like that when we’re hurt and angry, it doesn’t mean anything.”

Marie turned her attention back to the distant mountains.  It must be snowing harder on the higher ground. This country was so beautiful even in winter, but it was also deadly.  Ben had told her about the wagon train that had been caught in the pass last winter, the loss of life and the desperation of those who fought to survive.  For the first time since her arrival, she wished for the warmth of her native city, for the civilisation of streets, stores, music and dancing.  She had her hand subconsciously resting on her stomach and her thoughts went to her baby.  Wishing for the luxuries of a city was silly when she had other compensations here, but in a city there were doctors, and for a second she wished she was back in New Orleans.

She shivered again as if a ghost had been awakened and pushing Hoss in front of her she made for the warmth of the house.  This was her new home, but her destiny was out there in the snow.  Her life would depend on the outcome of this evening; had Ben found him? Had Adam understood, and would he give it another chance?  She started suddenly as she heard the muffled sound of a horse in the yard.  Heedless of the cold air she swung the door open wide and breathed a huge sigh of relief to see Ben and his son dismounting beside the barn.  Jake was riding right behind them and she watched as he took the horses and left Ben and Adam free to come into the house.  Hoss had rushed past her and she smiled as he hugged his older brother.  She was tempted to follow him, to feel her husband’s arms around her, but deep down she knew that it would be easier on all of them if her meeting with Adam was casual and away from prying eyes.  Ben had seen her and smiled reassuringly, so she turned and went back inside, allowing them to come to her.

She busied herself cooking supper and was relieved when Adam went to stand by the fire and Ben followed her into the kitchen.

“Well, I found him,” he said softly, putting his arms around her and kissing the back of her neck. “He had walked all the way up to Sand Cove.  We talked, or rather I talked.  He’s not giving much away, but I think he understood what I tried to tell him.  You were right; he did think I blamed him for Liz’s “’

Marie smiled, and traced his cheek with her hand.  “Feminine intuition, it never fails.”

Ben caught her hand. “And what else does it tell you? Because I’m not sure we’ve found all his reasons for that little outburst yet.  I think he now believes that I have always loved him and that marrying you hasn’t changed that, but there’s still some block to his acceptance of you.”

“Maybe Jose’s stories,” she asked, frowning, then becoming thoughtful, “Ben, what are those nightmares about? He’s had several since I’ve been here and Kathleen Shaughnessy said he had them at their cabin too.”

Ben shook his head. “He says he doesn’t know.  He’s had them since he was quite small, certainly ever since we came here.  There can’t be any connection with you, he had them long before we met Jean, or settled here.”

She turned back to her cooking and removed a tray of biscuits from the oven.  “Supper’s almost ready.”  She glanced over to where Adam was leaning against the fireplace staring into the flames.  He looked embarrassed and uncomfortable and she longed to put him at ease.  “It’s so cold… Let’s be bad-mannered for once and eat in front of the fire,” she appealed to Ben.  She wasn’t sure he’d go for it, he was a stickler for rigid mealtimes with the boys seated around the table.  Tonight she wanted it to be cosy and informal, and she knew that her stepson would be a darn sight more comfortable curled up on the settee than on one of those hard dining room chairs.

Ben nodded and smiled, guessing why she had suggested it. “I think that’s a good idea, I got frozen out there tonight.”

 

Adam ate his meal in silence occasionally glancing up at Marie.  She hadn’t said anything to him directly but she must hate him for the things he had said this afternoon.  He knew his father expected him to apologise, but he didn’t know how to do it.  His last words to her echoed in his head and he could think of no way to start a conversation.  He reluctantly accepted that he was going to have to learn to live with her, but she had to give some ground too.  To his horror, Pa offered to read stories to Hoss and they went up to the loft bedroom together leaving him alone with his stepmother.

She smiled at him and began to clear away the plates and dishes.  The smile made him feel guilty and he started to help her carry things to the kitchen.  While she washed the crockery he took a cloth and began to dry them.  Neither spoke, but slowly the tension began to drain away.  After a few minutes he cleared his throat self-consciously.

“I’m sorry for what I said this afternoon… I didn’t mean it,” he said gruffly.

Marie nodded.  “I never thought you did.  After all it would be pretty cruel to hurt Hoss by wishing that he would lose his stepmother the same way you did,” she said softly.

Adam swallowed hard.  He had never thought of it like that;  Hoss loved Marie just as he had loved Inger, he had told him so lots of times.

“I’d never hurt Hoss,” he said, a little sharply.

Marie hid her smile, one more piece of the puzzle had fallen into place. “How about we draw up a peace treaty, like those in your history books”’

Adam frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you write down all the things you think I should do or not do as your stepmother, and I’ll write down all the things I think are appropriate for a stepson.  When we’ve done that, we sit down and negotiate, just like generals and we decide on our treaty.  Then, neither of us breaks the treaty or we get some sort of penalty or punishment.”

Adam pursed his lips and looked sceptical. “That’s silly, it wouldn’t work.”

“It would if we tried hard enough.  How do you think treaties between countries work?”  She watched as his sharp mind mulled over the implications of her suggestion again.

“’Initially, yes, but then we negotiate until we both agree the terms, including what penalties we pay if we break our word.”

“That’s easy for you, but grown-ups don’t get punished,” he argued.

“Oh, I’m sure we can think of something.  If I break the treaty maybe I’d have to do your chores as well as mine.  How does that sound?”

Just for a second, Marie thought she saw the briefest glimmer of a smile touch his lips, then it was gone and the shutters descended again.

“Does Pa have to know about this?”

Marie shook her head. “Not if you don’t want him to.  It’s between the two of us.”

Adam nodded slowly. “Alright, it’s a deal. I’ll write it out tonight.” He solemnly shook hands.

Marie gave an inward sigh of relief.  It was a small step but it was her first friendly contact with him since her arrival.  By the time, Ben rejoined them Adam was asking permission to go to bed and, to his father’s amazement, he said goodnight to Marie without any prompting.

“Do I see an improvement?” Ben asked, a little warily.

Marie smiled. ‘Well, I’m still treading on eggshells, but at least we are talking.

Ben sat opposite her and lit his pipe “You look tired, are you sure you are feeling alright?”

“Of course, it’s been a long day,” she got up and went to curl up on his knee.

“I won’t be able to do this much longer, the chair won’t stand the weight,” she giggled.

Ben laughed too, “Never mind the chair what about me?”

She reached out and removed his pipe and putting it on the hearth, and giving him a light kiss.

“Hey, I’ve only just lit that!” he protested, giving her a hug.

“Well, your daughter and I don’t like it,” she grinned.

“How d’you know it’s a girl?” he laughed.

Marie looked thoughtful. “It isn’t.  It’s a boy,” she said firmly.  She looked at him in surprise. “How funny, I’d never really been serious before but now I just know it’s a boy.”

“Feminine intuition, again?” he asked with a smile.  “Well, I’d love a daughter but then I always said my third son would be called after my father, so I guess Joseph will do fine.”

“Hey, don’t I get a say in this?  I like the name Francois, then we can add an ‘e’ if its a girl and we don’t have to think of two names.”

Ben laughed. “You cannot seriously want to call the poor boy Francis?  He’ll be teased all his life.”

Marie looked hurt. “’It’s a fine French name, I like it.”

Ben gave her a hug and stroked her hair. “Alright, if it makes you happy, it can be Francois but don’t blame me if he has to fight his way through life to defend his name.”

She took his hand and placed it on her belly, “I think he’s fighting already.”

Ben felt the baby kick and smiled at her. “I told you he wouldn’t like Francois.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes each enjoying the closeness.  Then Ben gave a deep sigh.

“What was that for?” Marie said with a worried frown.

“Oh, I was thinking of this afternoon again.  It must be years since I lost control of my temper like that.  My father used to tell me that it would cost me everything if I didn’t learn to control it, so I learned, sometimes painfully,  he sighed ruefully  There have been a few times since I reached adulthood, but not many,  and each time I have done something that I regret or that would have been better settled some other way.  I suppose I’m quite lucky that neither of the boys seem to have inherited a quick temper.  Adam is controlled and almost calculating when he’s angry, and Hoss is one of the most placid children I’ve ever known.”

Marie gently touched his cheek. “Well, this one has no chance!  He’ll inherit your hot temper and mine,” she grinned. “Watch out for fireworks before he can talk, and if he’s as stubborn as the rest of the Cartwright men, I shall have my hands full!”

Ben moved his hand gently across her belly and smiled. “I wonder what this baby will really be like.”

“Well, you will have to wait about another two months to find out.” She snuggled closer to him and began to make plans for her baby.

 

The next morning, Adam woke with a raging headache and feeling more tired than when he had gone to bed.  He started to roll over,  then remembered that it wouldn’t be a good idea.  Every muscle in his body seemed to ache.  He lay on his stomach staring at his pillow for a few minutes, but eventually he pushed himself to his feet and began to dress.  In the cold morning air he shivered and his hands shook as he buttoned his shirt.  He went outside and worked through his chores mechanically, desperately trying to keep his eyes open.  At breakfast he sat gingerly on the edge of his chair and tried to be interested in his food but he had no appetite.  He drank several glasses of milk and felt a little better.  He didn’t know why he felt so listless but he wanted to return to his bed.

When he had finished his chores he felt stiff and his arms ached. He decided to go indoors and maybe do some studying until the midday meal was ready.  He went up to his room and opened his books but his bed  looked so inviting that he dropped down on to it and closed his eyes.

Marie passed his open door an hour later and wondered why he was sleeping.  She went in and immediately bent down beside him, worried.  She hesitated for a moment not sure whether her touch would be welcome but she was sure something was wrong.  She put her hand on to his forehead and was surprised at how warm he felt.  The room was cold and he was lying on top of the covers; he should have been cold not warm.  She shook him gently.  “Adam, wake up,” she said softly.  He jumped as she shook him again. “What’s the matter?”  he said in a hoarse whisper, he was hot and his throat hurt.

“You’ve got a bit of a fever.  I want you to get undressed and get under the covers.  I’ll fetch your father.”

He waited until she went down the stairs, then he obeyed her.  It felt good to slide between the cool sheets and rest his head on a soft pillow.  He must have dozed off again for he was not aware of his father visiting.  When he awoke it was dark and Marie was sitting in a chair beside the bed with a rug over her knee.  She got up as he stirred and he felt her cool hand on his forehead.

“Could I have a drink, please?” he rasped, his voice barely audible.

He rolled over as he spoke and Marie saw him wince.

“Take it easy.  Don’t drink too quickly,” she said as she held the cup to his lips.

For the rest of the night he was restless but every time he awoke either Pa or Marie was there beside him, to offer a drink or to sponge his hot face with cool water.  Through the next few days the pattern was the same.   By the fourth day he was feeling decidedly better but it felt good to be fussed over and he continued to tell his father that he felt ill.  When one of them was in the room he would cough and make his voice hoarse and, sure enough, they would bring something nice to tempt him to eat or drink.  Pa sat for hours reading to him or just talking;  sometimes he would even sit on the bed and give him a hug.  Hoss was not allowed to visit in case he caught the cold, too, but that was a small price to pay for his father’s attention.

He was dozing on the fourth evening when Marie came up to remind his father that supper was ready.

“How is he?” he heard her say.

“He still seems weak and he has a terrible cough,” his father replied, his voice worried.  “If it was just a cold, he should have been much better by now.”

He felt Marie’s cool hand on his forehead. “He doesn’t seem to have a fever.  I suppose getting cold and damp didn’t help, but at least if he’s cool it can’t be pneumonia and his breathing seems easy.  I’m sure he’ll be fine in a day or so.”

He heard them both leave the room and he waited until their footsteps receded then he rolled over and gazed at the ceiling.  He had heard of people with pneumonia;  it was very serious and people died from it.  If Pa thought he was that ill he would stay with him even more.  Unless he thought of something soon he would have to admit that he was feeling fine and then Pa would go back to yelling at him.  He laced his hands behind his head and began to plan.

Next day he complained of feeling cold and Pa made up the fire until it roared, and covered him with an extra quilt.  It was uncomfortable to be so hot but it was working; Pa was worried and continually came back to check on him.  He managed to keep up the pretence for a day but then boredom overtook him.  It was one thing being read to when he was ill, but now he wanted to read alone.  He missed Hoss and he wanted to get up and go outside, but he couldn’t think of a way to get out of the lie he had built.

Early on the sixth day, Marie brought him breakfast and he tried to pretend that he only wanted a little, although he was ravenous.  He couldn’t stop himself from eating quite a large portion.  Marie looked at him with a penetrating stare but took the tray away again without comment.  He waited a while then he threw back the covers and got out of bed.  He walked over to his books and picked one from the shelf.  If he heard someone on the stairs he would hide it under the covers.

“I’m glad you’re feeling so much better, Adam,” Marie’s voice said softly from the doorway, making her stepson jump.  Desperately he tried to hide the book under the quilt.

“How long have you been deceiving us?” she stood with her arms folded and Adam could see the dark eyes growing light with anger just as they had before.

Adam flushed this time with embarrassment not a high temperature.  She must have waited outside the door, knowing that he would give himself away.  “I… I feel a bit better and I… wanted something to read,” he said hesitantly. “Don’t make it worse with more lies,” she said sharply. “You’ve been fine for a couple of days, haven’t you?”

Adam lowered his head and nodded, his fingers pulling on his nightshirt nervously.

“How could you upset your father like that?  He has been worried sick about you!”  She moved towards him and he backed away until he felt the bed pressing against the back of his knees.

“You get back into bed, now, and by the time he comes back tonight you will have recovered enough to join us for supper.”  She waited while he climbed back under the covers.  “I’ve written my side of the treaty, so you’d better spend today writing yours.  I’m sure this behaviour breaks it immediately and I will have to decide what to do about it.” She picked up his notepad and a pencil and put them on the bed.

He looked up at her.  “What are you going to tell Pa?”

Marie pursed her lips. ‘That you are much better and will be doing your chores tomorrow.’  She reached down and took the book from his hand.  “You won’t need this.  You can stay here and think about how much you have worried your father. I shall be in the kitchen and I will hear if you get out of bed, so if you know what’s good for you I suggest you don’t try.  You can get dressed later and join us for supper.”

After she had gone, Adam groaned.  A whole day just lying here with nothing to do and no visitors.  He was sure Marie would not allow Hoss to come in and neither would she come back.  He glanced at the books, it was very tempting but he had seen the anger in her eyes and he knew it wouldn’t be worth the risk.  He picked up the pencil and chewed the end thoughtfully; what did he want from her?  By the end of the morning he had quite a list, he read it through and began crossing things out.  His sharp mind noted that most of his  requests were negative and he felt guilty.  She had done nothing to make him hate her.  In fact, she had been very generous with her time and she had covered up his bad behaviour, always giving him the benefit of any doubt.  The more he mulled it over in his head, the more guilty he felt.

He began to review all he knew about her.  Mrs Marquette didn’t like her, but then he didn’t much like Mrs Marquette;  she was too strict and spoke to him as though he were a baby.  Mrs Shaughnessy was a bit cold towards her but then he guessed that was because Mr Shaughnessy liked her.  He remembered his behaviour on the occasion when Mr Shaughnessy had stayed and it made him go hot with shame.  No, the only person who’s opinion he valued that didn’t like her was Jose.  He didn’t really understand Jose’s animosity, but it seemed to stem from something in her past that Jean had shared with his friend.  Maybe he would ask about it.  He looked again at the items for his half of the treaty and altered them to be more positive, becoming so engrossed in his task that he didn’t hear Marie enter the room with his lunch.

“I’d like to see all of this eaten, please,” she said briskly as she placed the tray on his night table. “Then you can get dressed and come and help me with the chores.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he said quietly. “I’ve finished writing up the things I wanted to say.”  He handed her the sheet of paper.

Marie nodded and took a folded paper from her apron pocket.  “Here are my terms, we can each read them and discuss them this afternoon.”

Adam waited until she had gone down the stairs and then he opened the piece of paper.  He read the list with mounting horror; she couldn’t mean all this! Then he stopped and considered each item again and realised that there was nothing there that was in any way different from the way he treated his father or any other adult.  Marie was simply asking for him to be polite, obedient and well-mannered; in fact, to treat her with respect.  She, in turn, would offer him the same courtesy.  He slowly folded the paper and picked up his lunch tray.  It made him feel very small to have to be reminded how to behave.  No wonder his father had been so angry and disappointed with him.

An hour later he carried his tray down the stairs and into the kitchen.  Marie was standing at the table making pastry and she barely glanced at him.

He touched her arm. “I’ve read this and it’s alright by me,” he said softly.

“Yours is on the table. The second version is perfectly acceptable,” she said with a slow smile. “Do you think we could try to make this work?”

Adam gave an embarrassed nod.  “I’ll go and get on with the chores,” he muttered.

Marie watched him go then brushed her hair back with her hand leaving a smudge of flour on her forehead.  She gave a deep sigh.  Whatever he may have said, it was obvious that the battle wasn’t finished yet.  There was still something hidden deep that was preventing him from accepting her.

 

Spring came early and it made Marie feel better.  She loved the mountains in their spring colours, everything was fresh and green,  a sign of life starting anew.  She hurried through her chores as quickly as she could, these days to spend her afternoons resting.  On good days she enjoyed the spring sunshine by resting on the porch in the rocking chair.  She would feel the baby kick and imagine how it would be when it arrived and she could hold it in her arms.  She was still convinced it was a boy, her little Francois.  On bad days, when Hoss was being clingy and Adam was surly and bad tempered, she wondered if all the effort to make a family was worthwhile.  Today was such a day.  The treaty with Adam worked up to a point but sanctions were difficult to impose without involving Ben and she had forgotten to add anything about his behaviour towards his brother.

The baby wasn’t due for almost another month but she felt huge and tired, her back ached and her temper was short.  Ben had gone to Truckee to replenish the supplies used up over the winter and he was expected back either tonight or tomorrow;  it couldn’t be a moment too soon.  Hoss had been fretful since his father went, bored with being confined to the yard and resentful of Adam’s bossiness.  Marie had tried to keep the peace between them but on a couple of occasions she had found them fighting and had been unable to separate them.

This morning had been the last straw.  She didn’t know why they were fighting but she had naturally taken Hoss’ side.  Adam was older and shouldn’t have indulged in a fight at all.  She had shouted at him and he had retaliated with insolence and defiance, finally storming off to the barn and refusing to do any chores.  Hoss had run sobbing to his room and she had been too tired to climb the stairs to comfort him.

She leaned against the newel post trying to decide whether to check on Hoss and then have a sleep in her room or whether to go out on to the porch for some fresh air.  It was a beautiful day and she was tempted to leave Hoss to recover on his own.  He was probably sleeping by now anyway.  Her sense of duty prevailed however and pushing her own discomfort to one side she began to climb the stairs slowly, each step an effort.  She made it to the top and stopped to rest as a wave of pain hit her.

It took her by surprise and she gasped.  Then the pain receded and she shrugged.  It couldn’t be the baby; it was too soon.  She must have exerted herself too much climbing the stairs.  She walked along to Hoss’ room and peeped inside.  He was sitting on his bed with Honey curled up beside him.

Marie frowned.  “Hoss you know you’re not allowed to have Honey in your bedroom.  Now take her outside, there’s a good boy.” She spoke quietly, not really angry with him.  Sometimes he needed Honey to comfort him and she could see this was one of those times.

Hoss was about to protest when he saw Marie wince. “Mama, are you alright?” he asked, going to her side and patting her arm.

Marie took a deep breath.  “I’m going to lie down sweetie. Please fetch Adam for me.  Ask him to come to my room quickly.”

Hoss’ face creased in a worried frown. “Are you sick?”

Marie tried to smile reassuringly but it was a weak attempt. “I’m fine darling, just fetch Adam.”

She watched him run down the stairs and then she struggled to her room and stretched out on the bed.  This couldn’t be happening.  She was alone with two children, the hands were away and not expected back for several hours and Ben might not be back tonight at all.  She fought back the tears and tried to think calmly.  When her first baby had been born it had taken nearly all day, maybe there was plenty of time if she sent Adam for help now.  She rested her hand on her belly and knew she was fooling herself.  When Clay had been born it had taken hours before the pains had become this close or this intense.

“What do you want?”  Adam’s voice came sharply from the doorway.

Marie looked up at him. “I think the baby’s coming. I need you to fetch Mrs Shaughnessy or Mrs Marquette quickly please,” she tried to keep the panic from her voice but she was not altogether successful.

Adam’s face was set in the mask she remembered from the first days of their acquaintance;  it was impossible to judge his thoughts.  Their disagreement this morning had been angry with accusations and recriminations and it was obvious that he was still in a stubborn mood.

“What about Hoss?  He’ll slow me up if he comes with me, he’ll have to stay with you.  You’ll have to look after him.” His tone told her that he didn’t consider her fit to take care of his little brother but he had no choice.

“He’ll be fine playing in his room but tell him not to go outside,” she said softly.

Adam nodded but continued to lounge against the door frame. “Does it hurt?” he asked coldly as her face contorted with another pain.

“Please, Adam!  Please hurry,” she begged.

The smug look on his face as he left the room scared her.  The words he had uttered a month ago came back to haunt her…

 When you have that baby, I hope you die too. 

Had he been waiting for an opportunity for revenge?  What if he simply went away and didn’t bother to fetch help?  The baby was coming early, something was wrong.  How could she deliver the baby alone?  Please God don’t let him ignore her plea.  Don’t let this baby die because of a stubborn twelve-year-old!

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 11

 

 

The hours seemed to pass so slowly and yet time was compressed into a cycle of pain and fear.  Marie had no clock but she guessed from the sun that maybe two or three hours had passed since Adam left.  She had managed to undress and climb under the covers but she had not had even a drink of water all afternoon.  He throat was dry and she longed for a cool drink. The pains were more intense now and almost without respite, she knew she needed help to arrive soon.  She tried not to cry out for fear of scaring Hoss in the next room, he had peeped around the door once but she had sent him away that must have been about an hour ago.  He must be lonely and frightened but there was little she could do to help him, she didn’t want him to see her in pain and there was no one else he could turn to.

If Adam had gone to the Shaughnessy’s he would be back within the next couple of hours, if Kathleen wasn’t there or wouldn’t come then it would take him another two hours to ride to the Marquette’s in the opposite direction.   Suddenly tears began to fall.  There was no guarantee that anyone would come.  Kathleen had been distant and aloof since Brian’s visit and Alice had never liked her; even if Adam had gone to them they might not want to help her.  If Adam had gone!  She still wasn’t sure that he had even left the yard, he might be anywhere.

To her intense relief she heard horses in the yard and the sound of voices, then all went silent again.  Oh no!  The hands had come back but they had gone into the bunkhouse not realising that anything was amiss.  Please let them see that the boys weren’t doing chores, let them be curious enough to check in the house.  She no longer cared who came, if it had to be one of the men who delivered her baby then so be it, she simply wanted this nightmare to end.

Through a mist of pain she heard a reassuring voice.

“Try to relax, Senora.”

She looked up into the face of the Mexican.  His voice was soft and he was smiling, but through her tears, she saw only that it was the man who hated her.

“Hoss fetched me he said you were sick.  Has Adam gone for help?” he asked gently.

Marie nodded. “Just after lunch,” she gasped as another pain hit her.

“Then he will be back soon.  It is almost six.” Jose held a glass of water to her lips and allowed her a few sips to ease her parched throat then  he busied himself clearing the table beside the bed.

A few minutes later an embarrassed Jake arrived. “Is she alright?” he said nervously.

Jose shook his head. “Who knows? I deliver foals, not babies.  Senor Cartwright say baby not due for three or four weeks, it is too soon.” He moved away from the bed  so that she couldn’t hear him. “She need a doctor, not a wrangler.  You go see if Adam come back, I need help soon.”

For another hour Jose held her hand, bathed her forehead and gave her sips of water.  In between the contractions she tried to talk to him.

“Why are you helping me, when you hate me so much?” she gripped his hand tightly as the pain came again.

“I would help anyone who needed me, Senora.  No one should suffer if there is help at hand.” He offered her another sip of water. “I think a lot about what you say.” He hesitated and then took her hand in his again. “You are right, Jean was a weak man.  I protected him just like his mother had done.  He never did anything unless someone else told him to, he only copied others.  I had no right to judge you.  Your past is not my business; it is between you and Senor Ben.  I am sorry.”

Marie nodded, “Thank you.” She squeezed his hand hard and her face contorted with pain again.

Jose gasped at the strength of her grip and prayed that Mrs Shaughnessy would arrive soon.  A few minutes later his prayers were answered as Kathleen and Adam rushed into the room.  For a second Adam stood transfixed by the look of agony on his stepmother’s face before Kathleen shooed him and Jose out of the room.

“Is she gonna be alright, Jose?” Adam asked anxiously as they went down into the living room.  He had never seen anyone in that much pain. All he could think of was his mother dying in pain because of him.

Jose squeezed his shoulder.  “She’ll be fine now Mrs Shaughnessy is here.”

Adam wasn’t so sure.  He had ridden as fast as he could but maybe he should have left earlier.  If he had not fought with her, he would have been in the house and would have known that she needed help.  He sank into his father’s chair and gratefully accepted the hot coffee that Jake thrust into his hand.  It was very strong and it made him screw up his nose in distaste at first, but soon the warmth more than made up for the bitter taste.  Hoss crept up to him and wriggled his way into the chair beside his big brother.

“Will Mama be alright?” he asked. He had been frightened all afternoon but there had been no one to reassure him.  It felt good to have his big brother back again.

“Sure, she will,” Adam replied, and for the first time he didn’t snap at his little brother for referring to her as ‘Mama’.  “Women have babies all the time.”

Hoss looked up at him and frowned. “But Mrs Shaughnessy’s babies all died and your Mama died.”

Adam closed his eyes and swallowed hard; he didn’t want to be reminded of that.  His words came back at him, I hope you die, too!  Please don’t let that happen, he prayed.  He jumped as the door was thrown open and his father came into the room.  He didn’t even look at the boys but raced up the staircase and Adam heard him arguing with Mrs Shaughnessy.

Ben came back down the stairs and Hoss rushed into his arms.  Adam started to get up to move to another chair but his father waved him back down and took Hoss on his knee to sit on the settee.  For a while they sat in silence, not looking at each other but staring into space.

“Jake tells me you fetched Mrs Shaughnessy. Thank you,” Ben said quietly to Adam.  He set Hoss down on the settee and helped himself to some of Jake’s bitter coffee.

“Is she gonna be alright, Pa?” Adam asked, his concern surprising his father.

Ben nodded. “Well, Kathleen says she is, so I guess we have to take her word for it and wait.  I hope it’s …”

His words were interrupted by a wail from the room above.  He was out of his chair and back up the staircase in seconds and this time nothing would have kept him from his wife’s bedside.  Adam grabbed Hoss, who was about to follow.

“We stay here until Mrs Shaughnessy comes down,” he said quietly. His heart was beating far too fast, what if just the baby was alright? What if his words had come true?  The waiting seemed endless and it felt as if time was standing still until Mrs Shaughnessy came down the stairs a while later.  She was smiling and he let out his breath in one big sigh.

“Well, you two, you’ve got yourselves a little brother and he is little,” she smiled gathering Hoss up into her arms.

“Is Marie alright?”  Adam asked, still worrying at the nagging doubt in his head.

Kathleen  patted his shoulder, reassuringly. “Yes, she’s fine.” She set Hoss down again and picked up the coffee pot, pouring herself a cup she sipped it and then made a face. “Who made this?”

Adam laughed, partly from relief.  “Jake.  He’s not much good at coffee, is he?”

“No, he isn’t,” Kathleen replied, gathering up the tray. “I’ll make some more and you can take it up to your parents.  I know Marie would love a cup.”

Hoss started to jump up and down. “Can we see the baby? Can we?” he chanted excitedly.

Kathleen nodded. “I expect so, but only if you are as quiet as a mouse and you wait until I tell you it’s alright for you to go in.  You sit here and wait until I get some coffee and sandwiches for your Mama.”

 

It seemed a long time before Kathleen came back and Hoss could hardly keep still.  Adam frowned at him but it made no difference; he’d never seen a tiny baby before and he wanted to see this one so much.  This time he would be the big brother instead of the baby.

The boys followed Kathleen up the stairs and she knocked and went in closing the door behind her.  a few minutes later she opened it again and beckoned to them to come in.  She watched as Hoss raced across the room to leap on the bed and give Marie a big hug.

“Hey, steady, young man! Calm down a little,” Ben admonished in a gentle voice.

Marie returned the hug then disentangling his arms from around her neck she bent over to the cradle beside the bed.

“You’d better meet this little brother you wanted so badly.”  Ben lifted the baby up and placed him in Marie’s arms.  Marie pulled back the shawl a little and Hoss’s eyes opened wide in wonder.

“He’s so tiny,” he gasped, holding out a finger for the baby to grasp.

Marie laughed.  “He’ll grow, sweetie.” She looked up to see Adam still lingering just inside the door.  She turned her glance to Ben and indicated her stepson with a slight movement of her head.

Ben turned around. “Come on in, son.”

Marie watched as Adam moved slowly across the room and stood next to the bed a little self-consciously.  He wasn’t sure what to say or do, he preferred to watch from the sidelines.  “Thank you for fetching Mrs Shaughnessy for me.  You must have ridden very hard to get back so quickly” Marie said softly.

He nodded slightly but stayed silent.

Ben took the baby from Marie’s arms and showed him to Adam.  Meet Francois,” he grinned.  Adam raised an eyebrow and looked at his father in disbelief.

“Alright, you win” Marie laughed, “I can’t fight you both. Joseph, it is.  But it’s still Joseph Francis.”

Ben handed the baby back to Marie and put his arm around Adam’s shoulder. “Marie and I have been arguing about his name, I guess your face when I called him Francois won the argument for me.”

Adam looked at Marie with concern. “I didn’t mean…” he hesitated, then tried again, “but it is kinda a funny name.”

Marie laughed.  “Exactly what your father has being trying to tell me for months.” She pulled back the shawl again and looked down at her tiny son. Wispy dark curls peeped out of the shawl, his eyes were tightly closed and his face screwed up as if in a frown. “Well, Joseph Francis Cartwright, what do you think of your big brothers?”  She stroked his face with her finger and he turned his head towards her and opened sleepy eyes.

“You’re so tiny, my Little Joe.”

 

It was late into the night;  it might even have been the early hours of the morning, but Adam wasn’t asleep.  He had heard the baby cry and now although all was quiet again he couldn’t sleep.  He wandered to his window and looked out at the moonlit yard.  He was glad Marie was alright, she had looked so soft and gentle with the baby not at all like the woman he had been fighting for so long.  He  thought of the expression on her face when she had looked at the baby and it reminded him of Inger’s expression when she had looked at Hoss.  Had his mother looked at him like that?  He wished he knew that he had been loved by her the way this baby was loved by Pa and Marie.  He wanted to hold the baby but he was afraid to ask, it wasn’t something boys did, was it?

As dawn broke he was still sitting by the window staring out but not really seeing the yard.  His thoughts were for the new baby; he would take care of this new brother and teach him all the things he would need to know.  He heard the baby cry again and then the sound of Marie’s voice soothing him.  He no longer hated her.  He wasn’t sure what he felt anymore, except that he welcomed this new baby just as much as he had welcomed Hoss.  He felt uncomfortable with the baby when Pa and Marie were watching him; it was as if they didn’t trust him.  He gave a sigh.  He supposed that was his own fault since he’d hardly been over-joyed at the prospect of another brother or sister to take care of and mind.  He’d never given Marie any reason to trust him, or even like him.  He wanted to get to know his baby brother, but he wanted to do it in his own time and alone without his parents watching and criticising him.

 

Within a few days Marie was back downstairs and the baby was sleeping in his cradle by the fireplace in the big living room.  Hoss constantly rocked him or played with him, often waking him up. This would cause Marie to shout at him in despair as she tried to get the baby back to sleep so that she could work.  A little over a week after Joe was born, Marie’s patience gave out;  Hoss had awakened the baby for the fourth time that afternoon making him cry loudly for attention.

“Erik, go outside and play!” she shouted, her temper at breaking point.

Hoss shrank away from the cradle. “I’m sorry, I didn’t wake him on purpose,” he said with tears in his eyes.

“He’s been fed and if you left him alone for a moment, he’d sleep,” she snapped.

Hoss retreated to the door and went out closing it gently behind him.  Marie frowned and rocked the cradle until Little Joe drifted back to sleep.  She stopped the rocking slowly fearing he would wake again as soon as the motion ceased but he slept on.  She breathed a sigh of relief and went into the kitchen, to finish preparing supper.

“Hoss been causing problems?”  Ben asked as he came through the kitchen door.

“What?” she said startled by his sudden appearance.

“I saw Hoss in the yard looking miserable and he said you were angry with him,” Ben elaborated.

“Oh, I shouldn’t have shouted but I no sooner get Joe to sleep than he wakes him up again.  Adam ignores him and Hoss won’t leave him alone.  I’d settle for a little more even distribution of attention from his brothers.”

Ben sighed. “Adam seems to pretend the baby doesn’t exist.  I wish I knew what goes on in that head of his.”

“I’m still not sure whether he welcomes the baby or hates him,” Marie said as she pushed a dish back into the oven and straightened up with a groan.

“Are you alright?” Ben asked anxiously, moving to her side and putting his arms around her.

“I’m fine, a little tired that’s all.  I could do with Charlie back,” she sighed, resting her head on his shoulder.

“I don’t think we’ll see him again. Jake says he’s got himself a job down in Sacramento.  I’ll see if I can find anyone else next time I’m in Truckee.”  He bent to kiss her and was just gathering her into his arms for a second longer caress when the baby wailed again.

“His timing’s impeccable,” Ben laughed. “I haven’t been able to kiss you properly since he arrived, but this time he can wait.”  He held her tightly and began to kiss her again but she pulled away from him.

“I’d better go and see what the problem is this time,” she sighed.

She walked to the door and then stopped and beckoned to Ben with her finger on her lips.  The crying had stopped.  They both peered around the door frame and smiled at the scene before them.

Adam was kneeling by the cradle and rocking it gently as he talked softly to his baby brother.

“Hi, Joe, I’m your big brother, Adam, and I’m gonna teach you all sorts of things when you get bigger.”  He held his hand over the edge of the cradle and put his little finger into the baby’s hand.  He was amazed at the strength of the baby’s grip and he placed his other hand gently beside his little brother’s head and stroked his face.  The crying had completely stopped now and Adam was surprised at his power to calm the tiny infant.  Joe’s eyes opened wide and he seemed to be watching his older brother’s face. Adam had a desperate need to hold his  baby brother and he reached into the cradle and lifted him gently, with one hand under his head as he had seen Marie do.  Ben anxiously started forward, afraid that Adam would drop him, but Marie held his arm and shook her head firmly.  They watched in silence as Adam cuddled his little brother close to his chest and rocked him, talking softly to him as he did so.

Marie guided Ben back into the kitchen and he saw tears in her eyes.

“I’ve just seen a small miracle” she said softly. “Did you see his face?  My son has done in a week what I’ve failed to do in nearly a year.” She sighed softly, “He’s managed to get through that shell.”

 

Later that evening Adam relaxed in his room, he should have been getting ready for bed but he still had one more chapter of his book he wanted to finish.  The knock at the door startled him, who could that be, he hadn’t heard any footsteps.  He wondered if Pa had found out that he had skipped his chores to spend time in the hayloft with his book, if so he was in for another lecture.

“Come in,” he called and then realised that if it had been Pa he wouldn’t have knocked.  He was a little surprised when Marie put her head around the door.

“Can I come in and talk for a minute?” she asked. Adam nodded and swung his long legs over the side of the bed to sit up.  Marie took a seat in a chair near the bed and glanced around the room. “You’ve made it really nice,” she said softly.  It was still the one room in the house that she rarely ventured into unless invited. “I forgot earlier that I had a present for you.”

Adam looked up at her in surprise.” ‘A present?  For me?”

Marie nodded. “It’s something I meant to give you a while back, but it slipped my mind. I found it again today when I was sorting through some of my things from New Orleans.”  She pulled a slim book from under her shawl.  “Do you remember our chat about different kinds of love and how there is always enough to share?” Adam nodded, his face showing his puzzlement at the conversation. “Well I was given this when I was a little older than you, but I think you will understand it.  It s a book of poems all about love and I want you to have it.” She smiled and held it out to him.

Adam blushed; any sign of affection from his stepmother always embarrassed him.  He  wasn’t sure quite why that should be, maybe because he felt guilty at the way he had treated since her arrival.  He reached out and took the book and flipped it open.  The inscription on the first page caught his eye.  It was in Marie’s flowing script and he read it carefully.

To my eldest son, may these poems help you to understand that love has no limits …

with all my love,

Marie’

He swallowed hard and read it again, “To  my eldest son.”    She really meant it, and it made him feel very humble and a little guilty. “Thank  you,” he said softly, his voice breaking with emotion. Marie wanted to reach out and hug him but it was still too soon.  Maybe in time they would reach that sort of understanding.  They had already come further along the road than Marie had dreamed possible a year ago.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 12

 

 

Boy! It was so hot today.  Adam sighed.  He sat at the edge of the Lake with his feet resting in the cool water.  In front of him Hoss paddled and pretended he was fishing.  Adam grinned, there was no way Hoss would catch anything with all the splashing he was doing.  Behind them in the shade of the trees, their parents were chatting and watching baby Joe.  It was a rare day of leisure for Ben and he was taking full advantage of it.  He lay back on the blanket and closed his eyes, the picnic had been good and the boys were being co-operative, even the baby had slept for most of the afternoon.

Marie leaned over and kissed him, “Isn’t it beautiful here, I could spend all my life here and not be bored.”

Ben nodded without opening his eyes. “Go to sleep,” he muttered.

“Oh how can you be so unromantic. I want to share the beauty of the Lake with you and you want to sleep.” she grumbled but she was smiling as she said it.

Ben opened one eye, “How romantic would you like me to be?  I could send the boys for a walk and the baby’s asleep,” he grinned.

Marie shook her head, “Go back to sleep. Your romantic afternoons lead to sleepless nights,” she laughed, indicating the baby bassinet at her side.

“Well, I’m sure he’d love a sister before he gets too old to appreciate her,” he replied.

“He’s barely four months old, I think he can wait a while yet.”

Hoss ran up the beach and jumped on his father. Ben was now wide awake and grunted at the weight on his stomach. “You’re getting a little heavy to do that son,” he complained.

“Can we go explore?” Hoss asked, ignoring his father’s discomfort.

“If Adam looks after you and you don’t go too far, its getting late,” his father replied.

Hoss shook his head, “Adam don’t wanna go.  You’ll have to come.”

“Oh I will, will I?” Ben smiled. He got slowly to his feet aided by Hoss pulling on his hand. “Alright, but not for long.” He turned to Marie, “You be alright?”

She nodded. “I’ll get some of that sleep you recommended.”

She watched father and son walk off along the beach and then looked back to the water’s edge where Adam was getting to his feet.

“Didn’t you want to go with them?” she asked.

He came up to her and dropped down on the blanket. “Nah, its too hot to walk.”

“You could swim,” she suggested.

He blushed. “Yeah, if I was on my own I might.”

She laughed. “I promise not to look.”

He smiled too. “It’s getting late and the water’s pretty cold around here.”

“Yes, I remember,” she said with a sly grin, which made him blush again.

He leaned over the bassinet to cover his embarrassment. “Hey, he’s waking up,” he said as the baby yawned and stretched his tiny hands out.  Adam caught one and tickled his brother’s palm.  Another yawn and then Joe’s face crumpled up ready for a cry.  Before he could make more than a brief sound, Adam had gathered him up and lifted him to his shoulder.

“You’re getting good at that,” Marie smiled.  “He likes you holding him, I guess its because he feels safe.”  She knew she had said the right thing when Adam smiled.  Slowly she was beginning to get through to him, aided and abetted by this small bundle.

“Look, Joe.  This is the Lake and we come here all the time.  You’ll love it too when you’re a bit bigger.” He held the baby so that he was shielded from the sun but facing the blue water of the lake.

The tiny mewing sounds that Joe had been making began to get louder and soon he was yelling loudly.  Adam cuddled him to his shoulder and rocked him but nothing he did made the slightest difference.

Marie reached out and took Joe from him. “I think he is more interested in his next meal than the beauty of the lake,” she smiled.

Adam got to his feet. “I’ll go see where Pa and Hoss have gone,” he said quickly.

Marie nodded.  It didn’t embarrass her to have the boys around when she was feeding Joe and Hoss often cuddled up to her, they even read books, but she knew Adam preferred to be elsewhere.  It was the age of embarrassment, she guessed.

He caught up with his father and brother beside a pile of large rocks.  Hoss was climbing up and jumping off on to the sand and once or twice made it to the shallow water and soaked himself and his father.  Adam watched them and for a moment was tempted to join in, but then he drew back, he was too old to do silly things like that.

He picked up some flat stones and began to skim them across the water.  Ben came up behind him and taking a stone himself tried his luck along side his son.

“Adam’s better’n you, Pa,” Hoss chuckled.

“Ah! but I’m out of practice and I’m getting old,” Ben laughed.

“How old, Pa?” Hoss asked, looking up at his father.

“You don’t ask grown-ups, how old they are,” Adam admonished his little brother.

“Why not?  Everybody asks how old I am and they never believe I’m only six,” Hoss grumbled.

Ben swung him up into his arms. “That’s because you are growing so fast.  We’re going to have to put some new marks on the barn to show where you’ve got to.”

“When can we measure Little Joe?” Hoss asked jumping up and down in his father’s arms until Ben nearly dropped him.

“Will you keep still.  We can’t measure Joe until he can stand up and that won’t be for a while.  But we can put new marks for you and Adam.”

“Am I taller than Adam was when he was six?” Hoss wriggled again and Ben set him down next to his brother.

“I think so but I can’t remember. You both grow so fast.” He glanced up at the sky. “We’d better be getting back, it will be past your bedtime before we get home.” He ruffled Hoss’ hair. “You only grow when you re asleep, so the sooner you go to bed the bigger you’ll grow.”

“Aw, Pa, that ain’t true.” Adam laughed.

Ben hesitated for a second then took the chance and ruffled Adam’s hair too. “How d’you know, you ever seen him grow?”

Adam looked up at his father and laughed.  It was a deep laugh and the laughter went all the way to his eyes.  Ben swallowed hard, it wasn’t often his son allowed himself to let go and enjoy life but it was good to see when it happened.  He wished every afternoon could be as good as this one and he gave thanks that they had come through the terrible times of last winter.  Counting his blessings was taking longer each day.

 

The sunny days of picnics didn’t last long enough and soon there was frost on the ground when they went out to do the chores.  Ben watched as Adam groomed Marie’s mare, the two of them had a special relationship which he couldn’t fathom.  Sable was always quieter when Adam was around her and Adam seemed to have a greater affection for her than for any other horse, even his own pony.  He thought back to the day almost a year ago when Marie had chosen Sable.  Adam had been there;  his reaction had almost  been one of jealously.   Ben shook his head, surely Adam couldn’t have expected that he would be allowed to ride such a temperamental horse at such a young age, he’d never have controlled her.  Ben mentally chided himself, the boy was controlling her now wasn’t he.  Perhaps he would have to find him a horse of his own soon to replace his pony, he’d be thirteen in a few weeks.

“I’m all done, Pa,” Adam said replacing the brushes and rubbing his hands together.

“You go on, tell Marie I’ll be in shortly,” his father replied, realising that his musings had meant that he was behind with his chores.

Adam grinned. “She won’t keep breakfast, she’s mad again this morning.”

“I do know that, I’m the one she’s mad at,” Ben laughed.

“What did you do?” Adam asked.

“Nothing, that’s the trouble. She says it was my turn to get up to Joe when he cried and I slept through it.”

Adam looked at his father in admiration. “How? When he yells, it must be heard in Boston.  I’m at the end of the hall and I hear him.  I hardly slept at all last night.  When’s he gonna sleep all night?”

Ben shook his head. “Well you were about three I reckon,” he grinned.

Adam’s jaw dropped. “You’re kidding?”

“Nope, now Hoss only woke up for meals.”

“He still does,” Adam laughed. “You mean we gotta put up with Joe yelling every night until he’s three?  How did you ever survive me,” he said in disbelief.

“I’ll never know. Well maybe it wasn’t every night, it just felt like it.”

 

By the time Ben came in to breakfast, the boys were halfway through their meal.  Marie got up and fetched a plate of ham and eggs and put it down in front of her husband, none too gently.  Ben raised his eyebrow and winked at Adam, who grinned.

“How about if I make it up to you, by taking you over to visit Tom and Mary?” he tried.

“I haven’t got time, there’s too much to do, ”Marie snapped.

“Adam’ll look after Hoss and we can take Joe with us.  I expect Adam could do some of the chores too if I added a new book to my list next time I get to town.” He glanced at his oldest son, with a mute appeal.

“Sure Pa. I need some new school books too.” He looked up at his father from under his dark lashes, wondering just how far he could push his good luck.

“What do you mean too?  I meant school books,” Ben grinned.  “I suppose I could manage a novel or two as well.” He took a sip of his coffee and then looked expectantly at Marie. “Well is it a deal?  You stop growling at me and I’ll take the day off and we’ll visit the Hammonds.”

Marie snorted, “Day off?” she scoffed. “You want to discuss cows with Chad, it has nothing to do with placating me.  Well, I’ll come along and talk to Mary but it doesn’t change a thing.”

Ben winked again at Adam. “No dear, and they’re steers not cows.”

Marie got to her feet and began to clear the table, even though Ben was still eating. “Well whatever they are, they are boring.” She swept out into the kitchen leaving Ben and Adam doubled up with laughter.

 

Despite her bad mood when she set off, Marie had a very enjoyable day with Mary Hammond.  Tom and Mary had married in the Spring and Mary was able to confide to Marie that she was expecting a child.  She wanted to share her news and find out everything she could about pregnancy and childbirth from her friend.  She also spoiled Little Joe by picking him up whenever he cried and carrying him around all day.  Marie tried to stop her, knowing that she would be the one to suffer for this tonight, but finally she gave up and let Mary do as she wished.  Marie too, looked forward to her friend’s baby, they would be able to compare notes and the children would be playmates for each other.  She had seen how lonely Adam and Hoss were at times without other children to play with and she was determined that things would be different for Little Joe.

“I hope you are ready for a long night?” Marie said as they rode home.

“Why’s that?” Ben asked concentrating on the road which was rutted and hard.

“Mary fussed over Little Joe all day, he’s got used to being cuddled.  He’ll be expecting us to keep it up tonight.” Marie rocked him in her arms as she spoke.

“Well it’s your turn,” Ben smiled.

“But I got up last night,” Marie’s horrified voice exclaimed.

“Yes, but you said last night was my turn, so tonight it must be yours.” He ducked as Marie cuffed him around the ear. “Careful, you’ll have us off the road,” He grinned. “Maybe we could get Adam to go to him,” he joked.

Marie became serious for a moment. “I think the novelty of a baby brother is wearing off, he’s beginning to see more disadvantages.  He’s not so keen to look after him these days.”

“Can’t say I blame him, I hated looking after my brothers and sister. The toddling stage is the worst.  Oh I don’t know though, John was pretty awful at every age.”

Marie leaned against him. “And you loved him.”

“Yeah, I guess I did,” he sighed. “I wonder where he is now.  I know Sarah’s somewhere in Iowa, married to a farmer.  They’ve got a son, I believe, and Aaron went to sea, so I guess he still sails out of Boston but I’ve no idea where John went after his wife died.  He always was a restless soul.”

“They had a son about the same age as Adam, didn’t they?” Marie asked.

“Yeah, Will was a few months younger.  The last time I saw John was when we visited him on our way out here, Adam must have been about four or five,” he sighed. “It’s sad how we’ve all lost touch.  Mother always wanted us to stay together, I guess she should have known better, we were all wanderers at heart.”

“It’s not going to happen to us.  Our sons will always be there for each other,” Marie said firmly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 13

 

 

“Adam! Adam!” Ben sighed; why was his son never around when he was wanted?  Ben and Marie had been ready to leave for ten minutes but they couldn’t do so until they knew that Adam was nearby to take care of his brothers.   In the last few months Adam had started to exert his independence in ways his father didn’t like.  It was true that since his little brother’s birth some ten months ago his relationship with Marie had improved but his behaviour had deteriorated in other areas.

He stomped back into the house and frowned at Marie. “Are you ready” he snapped.

Marie hid her grin. “I’ve been ready for ages.  It’s my first day out in over six months.  You don’t think I’d risk you leaving me behind do you?”

“Well, we can’t go anywhere until that son of ours puts in an appearance and when he does I’ve half a mind…..”

“We won’t have the time for you to give him one of your lectures if we are to get to the settlement and back before dark.  You’ll have to make do with a scowl” she said trying to lighten his mood. “I’m looking forward to seeing what they have built on the side of a mountain.”

“Don’t get too excited, my guess is there is a saloon and a few shacks,” Ben grumbled his mood still black.

“Kathleen said there was a store.  Well, a trading post at least.  It’s nearer than any other and she said there was a schoolteacher who was going to start lessons for the children.  Adam would love that.”

Ben grunted. “If he survives long enough.  Lately he seems to be trying my patience to its limits.  I’m not sure its wise leaving the baby with him; he can’t seem to look after himself.”

Marie couldn’t help smiling, her husband was in such a bad mood over nothing that it had become funny rather than worrying. “He’ll be fine.  Joe is nearly a year old and we’ll only be gone for the day.  Jake’s only a shout away.  I’ve left food and milk and Adam does know how to change a diaper.  Now, will you stop worrying?”

At that moment Adam pushed open the door unaware of the force waiting for him behind it.

“Where on earth have you been?  I’ve been yelling for hours,” Ben shouted at him.

Adam shrugged. “I was in the barn.” He crossed over to the fireplace completely unconcerned. “Sable should have her foal in a few hours and I want to be there.”

“You’ll be right here, looking after your brothers!”  Ben yelled.

Adam’s head snapped up. “Why? Where is Marie going?”

Ben took a deep breath to contain his anger. “You can’t have forgotten. We’re both going to Johntown.  We’ll be back before dark.  You are not to leave the baby, is that clear?”

“Aw… Pa!  That’s not fair…” Adam began to whine.

“Don’t argue with me!  Do as you’re told,” Ben snapped.

Marie tugged at his sleeve.  “We’d better be going.  I’m sure Adam can look after Hoss and Little Joe just fine,” she smiled reassuringly at her stepson.  Their relationship was still rocky at times but now and again they shared pleasant moments.  Recently she had become the buffer between her stepson and her husband as they battled their way through Adam’s adolescent tantrums. Ben reluctantly allowed himself to be propelled out of the door and into the waiting buckboard.  Adam watched them go with a sullen expression fixed on his face;  he wanted to watch the birth of Sable’s foal and he couldn’t do that from the living room!

He glanced up the stairs to the room where his baby brother slept and an idea came to him.  He raced upstairs to his room and pulled his quilt off his bed, then tore back downstairs to the barn.  He fashioned a nest out of hay and covered it with the quilt, standing back to survey his handiwork.

“What’s that for?” a small voice said, from the hayloft.

“Hoss, what are you doing up there?” Adam glared at his brother.

“I asked first,” Hoss replied.

Adam sighed. “It’s for the baby.”

Hoss swung his legs over the edge of the loft and started down the ladder. “Foals don’t need quilts, they just have straw,” he said, mystified at his older brother’s behaviour.

“Not the foal, stupid.  For Joe,” Adam snapped.

Hoss’ eyes widened in disbelief.  “You can’t bring the baby out here!”

“Why not?  It’s quite safe and it s not cold.  He’ll be fine.” Adam moved over to run  a hand over Sable and then turned back to his brother. “Where’s Jake?”

Hoss shrugged. “I dunno, but he’ll sure be mad if he finds Joe out here and so will Mama and Pa,” he said a little self-righteously.

Adam shook his head.  “He won’t see him, he’ll be busy with Sable and this is out of sight of her stall.  I’m gonna fetch him now, he’ll sleep most of the morning and you just hush up about it.”  Adam was as good as his word, he ran into the house and came back carrying Little Joe cradled in his arms.  He put him down gently in the quilt nest and covered him up, he grinned his little brother sure did look sweet when he was asleep.  He checked to make sure  that however Jake worked with Sable he wouldn’t see the bundle in the far stall.  Now he could see the foal arrive and keep an eye on the baby;  it would be easy as long as Joe slept.

For a while his plan worked, Jake checked on Sable several times but didn’t notice the baby and Adam was proud of his plan.  Joe slept peacefully and every so often Adam would peep over the stall to make sure he was alright.  Hoss stayed for a while but soon grew bored.  His brother had his head buried in a book most of the time and there was nothing to see.  He wandered off and Adam wasn’t even aware that he had gone. Around lunchtime Jake came into the barn and noticing Adam hunched up in the stall, chivvied him to go and eat.

“Nothin’s gonna happen for a couple of hours so why don’t you get yourself lunch and come back when you’ve done some of your chores,” he said. “You’d better check on the baby too, I know your Pa wouldn’t like you leaving him with just Hoss to keep an eye on him.”

Adam flushed; it hadn’t occurred to him that Jake would think Hoss was in the house with Joe. Now he didn’t know what to do.  If he left for the house, his little brother would be alone in the barn when Jake went out again and if he stayed Jake would become suspicious.

His problem was solved by a loud wail from the back of the barn.  Joe had decided that lunch was late coming today and he had crawled out of his nest and was protesting in the only way a ten month old baby could.  Adam had never seen Jake move so swiftly, he was at the stall in an instant.  He bent down for a second and straightened up with a very noisy baby Joe in his arms. “You know how he got out here?” Jake demanded, his eyes blazing.

Adam shrugged. “He’s alright.  I was keeping an eye on him.”

Jake glared at him. “You take him back in the house now and take care of him and don’t you put your nose outside until your Ma and Pa get back.”

Adam took the screaming baby from Jake and muttered under his breath.

“You’d better bathe him too, unless you want your Ma to find out he was out here.”  Jake pointed out the grubby face and hands, where Joe had been crawling amongst the straw and dust on the barn floor.

Adam stomped off into the house and the minute he was out of Jake’s hearing he yelled at the baby to shut up, giving him a light shake to reinforce his words which made Joe yell even louder, and made Adam feel guilty after all it wasn’t Joe s fault he was in trouble.

Hoss was seated on the hearth with an enormous sandwich clutched in his hand and he jumped up when Adam came in. “What’s the matter?” he asked, concerned that Joe was crying so loudly. Adam dumped his little brother unceremoniously on the sofa only to watch as he rolled off.

“You watch him, while I find his lunch,” Adam snapped.  He stormed into the kitchen and heated up the mush that Marie had left.  It looked most unappetising to him but he supposed Joe would eat it.  He warmed the milk and poured it into a cup, grimacing as he did so.  He had seen Marie trying to get Joe to drink from a cup and it was always a messy battle of wills.  Well, today he’d have to use the cup or go thirsty; his mother wasn’t around to provide an alternative.

He carried the tray into the living room and roughly pulled Joe on to his knee.  Slowly he tried to spoon the mush into his little brother’s mouth.  At first it was easy;  Joe was hungry and would have eaten anything!  But after three or four spoonfuls he began to lose interest and the food ended up on his face and his clothes.  Adam’s patience was wearing thin and he threw the bowl back on to the tray.

“If you’re gonna play up you can go without!” he snapped, picking up the cup and trying that instead.  Joe pushed it away and grinned at Hoss, who was making faces at him.  “Will you go and play outside or something?” Adam snarled. “How can I get him to drink this if you’re playing with him?”

Hoss glanced at his brother with a hurt expression. “I was trying to help,” he said softly.

“Well, don’t,” Adam said sharply, trying again with the cup.  This time Joe pushed it right out of his hands and the milk spilled over the sofa.  Adam sighed in frustration.  Now he would have to clean up the sofa as well as his brother.  Hoss saw the black brows come together and the frown deepen and he decided  to make a quick exit.  His older brother wouldn’t harm the baby, but he might turn on him if he said the wrong thing.  His best place was out of Adam’s line of vision.  He slipped out into the yard and ran across to the barn.

Adam spent the afternoon cleaning, first Little Joe, then the room. He quite enjoyed giving his little brother a bath; he blew bubbles for him and Joe splashed and made his older brother very wet.  It was fun spending time with Joe when there was no one around to criticise or laugh at him but he still resented being expected to take care of his younger brothers all the time.   Bathing and changing Joe left a pool of water on the floor, together with the milky sofa and the dirty clothes, it made a sight he didn’t want his parents to see.  Finally, Joe fell asleep in Pa’s chair and Adam dropped exhausted on to the sofa.  He thought of going back out to the barn but discarded the idea.  Jake had worked with his father since the first days here, and as well as being employer and employee they were good friends.  At the moment there was a good chance that Jake would say nothing about his behaviour this morning but disobeying Jake was as good as disobeying his father and likely to have the same consequences.  He sighed and settled down to await his parents return.  He briefly wondered where Hoss had got to,  but then dismissed him from his mind as he picked up a new book.

 

The journey into Johntown had blown away Ben’s bad mood and he indulged Marie as she spent nearly two hours chatting to the owner of the one store and making her purchases.  He wandered over the small settlement, as he had guessed it was mostly prospectors’ shacks and the inevitable rough saloon called ‘Dutch Pete’s’.  There were a few houses at one end which had been more substantially built and a few seemed to have families living in them rather than the lone miners.  He located the house that Kathleen had mentioned housed the prospective school teacher and knocked on the door.  It was answered by a man a few years younger than Ben.

“Can I help you?” he asked politely.

“My name’s Ben Cartwright. Mrs Shaughnessy told me you might be thinking of starting classes for the children,” Ben replied quickly.

The man nodded.  “I’m John Lawson and Mrs Shaughnessy is quite right. Won’t you come in?” He stood to one side and allowed Ben to enter the cabin.  It was tastefully if sparsely furnished and but the predominate feature was a stack of books. “Please sit down Mr Cartwright.  I haven’t managed to unpack all my belongings yet.  I came out here to prospect but I’m not very good at it.” He smiled. “A friend suggested I might make a living teaching the children instead.  I used to be a teacher back east.  I can’t do worse than my gold mining that’s for sure.”

“There aren’t many youngsters around here but they could use a good teacher.” Ben settled back in the chair and tried to judge the character of the man opposite him.  He was well-spoken, and if he had been a teacher before then he could be just what Adam needed.

“’You have children Mr Cartwright?”

Ben nodded, “Yes, three boys, although the youngest is just a baby.  It’s the eldest that I m hoping you might teach.  Adam’s nearly fourteen and very bright, but he’s had no formal schooling.  He’s been taught at home, of course, but I feel he could learn so much more if he had the opportunity.  My middle son, Erik, is only seven and we live a good way from town so I don’t think he would be able to come to you until next year”’

“I’d love to add your son to my class Mr Cartwright.  I have several pupils already, you probably know some of them.  Ross Marquette, for instance and maybe some of the children of the townsfolk.”  Lawson went on to explain how he planned to begin teaching in an empty cabin nearby and how much it would cost Ben to send Adam to him.  By the time they had finished talking it had all been arranged.  Adam would start in about a week’s time and maybe Hoss, too, by the end of the summer.   They shook hands and Ben left to find his wife.  She couldn’t still be shopping, could she?

When Marie emerged from the store quite a crowd of miners had gathered to watch her.  She was something of a novelty:  a woman was unusual;  a young, pretty one a miracle. Ben saw her standing on the porch of the store and elbowed his way through the crowd to place a proprietary hand on her making it clear that she was with him.  He escorted her to the buckboard and loaded her purchases.  The men cleared a path for them to drive away but many eyes followed her as she left.

“Let’s get on home, we’ve wasted enough time here.” Ben’s bad mood had returned.          Marie grinned and snuggled up to him.  “I thought you never got jealous,” she said, her eyes dancing with laughter.

“Well, you thought wrong,” he snapped, then smiled at her. “I suppose I should be flattered that you came home with me with all those youngsters to choose from.”

“Oh, I prefer grumpy old men,” she laughed. “Besides, I want to get home and see if my mare has had her foal yet.”

Ben’s smile widened.  “Now I’m second to a horse!”

“Yes, but a very close second,” she said thoughtfully, then her laughter erupted until he was forced to join in.

He put an arm around her and she rested her head on his shoulder.  They drove for a couple of miles chatting about the store and Ben’s meeting with John Lawson before a movement to one side of the trail caught Ben’s eye.  He heard angry voices and then laughter mingled together with the screams of a man in pain.  He stopped the buckboard and picked up his rifle.

“Stay here,” he ordered.

Marie nodded, her eyes wide.  “Ben, be careful.”

He pushed aside some bushes and looked in horror at the scene before him.  Five or six men in miner s clothes were punching and kicking a small man lying on the ground.  Ben cocked the rifle and spoke loudly over the raucous laughter. “Back off and leave him alone!”  he yelled.

The men turned as one on this new threat. “What’s it to you, mister? He’s just a Chink, no call to get all riled up.  We’re just having a bit of fun,” the largest of the men spoke to him.

“Get out of here and leave him be,” Ben said quietly, gesturing towards Johntown with the rifle.

The men looked as if they might argue.  He couldn’t take them all but he had no regrets at his action, only fear that Marie might be hurt because he had taken on more than he could handle.

The big man who had spoken shrugged. “Let’s go lads, no sense in getting shot for a Chink.”

Ben heaved a sigh of relief but he followed them until they had moved several yards away from the man on the ground.

Marie jumped from the buckboard and ran to the crumpled figure.  She bent over him and began to wipe his face with her handkerchief. “Oh, Ben!  He’s hurt badly,” she cried, as she checked the cuts and bruises on the young man.

Ben shook his head in exasperation. “I thought I told you to stay put!  Those men could have turned on us!”

Marie ignored him intent on tending to the injured man. “We’ll have to get him in the buckboard and take him home.” She glanced up at Ben with concern. He raised his hand to protest then dropped it again.  She was right, there was no other alternative.  To take him back to Johntown would simply invite more trouble. He had heard that the Chinese were persecuted in California but hadn’t seen any evidence of it here. Since the discovery of gold on the American River a flood of immigrants had come west by land and sea, some genuinely seeking to make a new life, others the flotsam of the world out for a quick buck.  In the last few months as the weather improved those who had been less than successful in California had begun to drift over the Sierras looking for gold in the Washoe Valley.  Unfortunately these men tended to be the losers and the lazy; not a good addition to the small population of Gold Canyon.

Ben gently lifted the young man into the back of the buckboard making him as comfortable as he could among the boxes and sacks. “Are you alright?” he asked.

The young Chinaman shook his head in puzzlement.

“My  name’s Ben Cartwright and this is my wife, Marie.  We’ll take you to our home, try to help you,” Ben explained. Still the young man frowned and shook his head. Ben climbed back on to the wagon seat. “I don’t know if he understands but he doesn’t seem able to help himself, so we’d better try and look after him for a few days.”

 

Jake was waiting for them when the buckboard pulled into the yard and he took the horses’ reins from Ben. “You got a fine colt, Mrs Cartwright, same colour as his mother but with four white socks ‘stead of three.”  He saw her slightly worried expression and knew what else she wanted to know.  “Sable’s fine, no problems at all.”

 

Marie’s face relaxed into a smile. “Let me look, Jake.” She took off for the barn holding her skirts up so that she could run faster.

Ben grinned at Jake. “Won’t see her for hours now. You might have waited until I’d had my supper.”

Jake laughed and moved around the rear of the buckboard. “I’d better help you get unloaded to make up for it, Boss.” He stopped in surprise. “Hey!  Who’s this?”

Ben moved alongside him. “I don’t know, Jake, he hasn’t told us.  We found him being beaten up by some miners on the way out of town.  I ran them off but they had already hurt him badly.  Help me get him inside.”

As Jake pushed open the solid front door, Adam sat up in surprise.  He had been half-dozing and hadn’t heard them approach.  When he saw them struggling with another man, he moved swiftly to help and between them they carried the Chinaman to the downstairs bedroom and placed him gently on the bed.

“Looks like he’ll sleep most of it off, Boss, them bruises’ll heal in a day or two as long as there’s nothing broken.” Jake stood back and gazed down at the little man in sympathy.  “What’d someone wanna do that for?  No sense to it.”

Ben nodded. “I doubt he had any money for them to steal.  It was a senseless attack for no better reason than his race.”  A wail from the living room made all three look up.  Ben glared at his son. “You left Joe on his own?” he accused.

Adam muttered sullenly under his breath, “I came to help.”

As his father rushed back into the big room and gathered his baby son up from the floor.  He had tumbled from the chair and was wailing loudly. “Shh…”  Ben said softly as he rocked Joe to and fro in his arms. “And where’s Hoss?” he rounded on Adam again.

Adam glowered back at him. “I don’t know,” he snapped. “He was here a while back.”  He stared at the floor as he realised it had been lunchtime when he had last seen his little brother.  Luckily Jake came to his rescue.

“He’s in the barn with Sable and the colt, he helped me deliver him.  Quite a hand with animals is young Hoss.”

Adam scowled. It wasn’t fair! He had wanted to be there and couldn’t but Hoss had been able to help. He hated being the oldest!

Joe had quieted down as Ben held him close, allowing him to pull at his hair. “You were supposed to be looking after your brothers and I expect you to know where they are.  I’m surprised you didn’t manage to lose the baby, too.”  Ben glared at his oldest son.

Adam glanced up at Jake and saw the slight smile on the older man’s face.  He relaxed a little; obviously, Jake wasn’t going to say anything about this morning.

“I’ll take care of Joe now, you’d better go get on with your chores and help Jake to unload the buckboard.”

Ben settled down in his chair with Joe on his knee and began bouncing him up and down.  Joe chuckled at the game and Ben smiled at him. Adam followed Jake to the door, his black brows drawn together and a scowl on his face.  It wasn’t fair, Hoss got to be with Sable and Joe got spoiled by Pa and all he got was yelled at.

 

It wasn’t until all the chores were finished that Adam got a chance to go and see the new colt.  He made his way to the corner of the barn to find Marie and Hoss sitting on the straw watching the mother and baby.  Hoss was cuddled up to his stepmother and they were talking softly.  Adam felt the resentment well up in him again.  Why was he always the outsider?   He went into the stall and petted Sable first, then turned his attention to the colt.  He was so like his mother that Adam fell in love with him at once.

Marie scrambled to her feet. “I’d forgotten how late it must be! Your father will be wondering where supper has got to if I don’t hurry.” She glanced at Adam and noticed his black mood.  “Could you see that Sable and the foal are alright for the night, Adam?”

Adam nodded abstractedly; he wasn’t aware of anyone but the colt.

 

Hours later, Adam lay back on his bed and dreamed about the colt.  He was a beauty, almost as beautiful as Sable.  He thought back over the evening, too.  Pa had yelled at him again because he was late for supper;  and he had been sent to bed early because he had argued with Hoss.  Lately he couldn’t seem to do anything right for his father.  At least he would be starting school soon and that would mean less chores and less time spent in his parents company.  It couldn’t come too soon for him.  His thoughts turned to the little Chinese man that Pa and Marie had brought home.  He hadn’t seen many Chinese, there were a few in the mining camp but he wasn’t supposed to go there.  Maybe tomorrow he could get to talk to him and find out about where he came from.  Maybe someday he would even go to China, he so wanted to travel and see all the cities he read about in his books.

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 14

 

 

“We gonna swim?” Ross asked as he and Adam dropped down on to the sand of Crystal Bay.

Adam looked sideways at his friend. “You crazy, or what?  That water’ll be like ice.  And how would we explain getting our hair wet when we’re supposed to be at your place studying?”

Ross grinned. “Yeah, I guess you’re right, but I’m supposed to be at your place studying.”

Adam returned the grin. “Keep hoping we don’t get found out.  I’m in enough trouble as it is.”

“Why?  What did you do this time?”  Ross asked, used to his friend being in hot water at home.

“Oh, nuthin’.  But Pa seems to think I should spend all my time watching over my kid brothers.  Hoss and I have been arguing quite a bit and we got into a fight yesterday;  course, Pa blamed me ‘because I’m the oldest’   Adam sighed, rolling his eyes at the now very familiar phrase.   You know you’re real lucky not having any brothers.  I wish I didn’t.  It was much nicer when I was the only one.”  He lay back on the sand and laced his hands behind his head.   “That’s why I used the studying excuse.  He’d never have let me go anywhere otherwise.”

Ross frowned.  “You think he’ll find out you lied to him?”

Adam rolled over onto his stomach and began running his fingers through the coarse sand. “He’d better not, or I’m gonna be in for it.”  He watched a beetle dig its way into the sand and then covered it up to watch it dig its way out again.

“Hey.” Ross gave him a push. “You going to sleep?”

“Nah! just thinking,” Adam replied lazily.

“You do too much of that,” his friend grinned.  “You’ll get enough of serious thought next week when we start school.”

“So what’s school like then?” Adam asked, turning his head towards his friend.

Ross closed his eyes and considered.  “Well, they’re all a bit different I guess.  I’ve been to three.  Some teachers are nice, help you and stuff; others just yell at you.  Mr Lawson seems alright and there won’t be many other kids.” He squinted over at Adam. “Hey, it’s Saturday!  What are we doing talking about school,” he groaned.

“I wanna know what it s like.  I’ve been wanting to go to school for years, and now that I can, its important.”  He paused.  “I want to go to college,” he said softly.

Ross spluttered.  “You what?  Where d ya  get that crazy idea?  You ain’t even been to school yet!”

“It s not crazy! I’ve been reading a lot about it and I want to be an engineer,” Adam said seriously, his brows together in a frown.  If Ross had seen this he would have known to back off but he still had his eyes half closed against the afternoon sun.

“You are crazy,” Ross grinned, then he started to laugh. “My friend, the college kid.”

“Shut up,” Adam yelled giving his friend a light punch on the arm.

But Ross couldn’t stop he rolled about laughing and making  joking remarks about Adam’s ambition until his friend could stand it no longer and punched him hard.  Before they knew it they were fighting.  It wasn’t serious but they tumbled over and over, trading punches until they fell into the water.  The shock of the ice cold lake brought them to their senses and they scrambled out on to the beach both a little embarrassed.

“Sorry I laughed at you Adam, but it seemed so unlikely,” Ross apologised.

Adam grinned. “Yeah, well it may be unlikely but I’m going to do it.  Sorry I got mad at you. I suppose it is kinda funny to want to go to college before I’ve even started school.” He glanced across at his friend. “It s getting late and we ain’t gonna dry off before we get home.  Any ideas on excuses?”

Ross shook his head. “Not sure how we explain we got this wet when we were supposed to be studying.”

Adam looked concerned. “I’m not so worried about Pa finding out I ain’t been studying, he’s always telling me to get my nose out of a book, but if he finds out I wasn’t at your place like I said he’ll be real mad.  Since the trouble with those Piautes and the miners, I’m not supposed to come this far on my own.”

Ross nodded.  “Me either.  If my Pa and yours check up on us tomorrow we’re in real trouble,” he sighed.

As Adam talked, they walked back to where their ponies were tethered to begin the ride home. “Sh….”  Adam put a finger to his lips. “What was that?”

Ross’ eyes widened and stared straight ahead at the bushes.  A tall Paiute Indian was standing there right in their path.

“You are not so good at hearing me as you used to be,” the Indian said.

Adam grinned.  “Young Wolf!  I ain’t seen you for over a year.  Where have you been hiding?”

“My people go north to the place the white man call Pyramid Lake, we return now for the summer,” Young Wolf told him. “We go hunting again, Adam?”

“Yeah, sure.” He suddenly remembered his manners. “This is my friend, Ross Marquette.  Ross, this is Young Wolf.  He s the son of the Paiute Chief, Winnemucca.”

Young Wolf nodded at Ross, then looked back at Adam. “You have many new friends in the white village?”

Adam shook his head. “No, I don’t go there much, at least not yet.  I go to school next week, then I’ll meet some, I guess.”

Young Wolf shook his head. “Many bad men there.  They kill Paiute and steal from my people.  They kill antelope, burn pinon tree.  Nothing left for Paiute.”

Ross grew angry at Young Wolf’s accusations. “My Pa said the Paiutes killed some miners, too.”

Young Wolf eyed Ross then nodded slowly.  “We kill, we kill to stay alive.  If more white men come we kill them too.”  He turned to go.  “I come to new house tonight, we hunt.”

Adam swallowed hard.  He hadn’t expected his Indian friend to suggest tonight.  “Yeah, alright,” he said quickly before his conscience could kick in. “Hey, how do you know about the new house?”

“Young Wolf know, you have new mother, she very pretty, new baby brother too.”

Something about his voice made Ross shiver.  He might be Adam’s friend but Ross didn’t trust him.  He watched as the Indian sprung aboard his pony and cantered off.

“Hey, Adam, do you think you ought to go with him?  I mean, those miners were killed and scalped by Paiutes.  He looks pretty mean to me.”

Adam gave Ross a withering stare. “We’ve been friends for over five years.  He likes to look mean, it s part of being a warrior.  He’s only a year older than us, and he teaches me a lot about hunting.”

“Whaddya hunt at night?”  Ross asked.

Adam shrugged. “Racoons mostly, but that’s not the point, it’s fun.  Why don’t you come along?”

Ross shook his head. “My Pa would skin me alive, and so will yours if he finds out.”

As they rode home Adam considered his friend’s last remark.  It was true if he sneaked out of the house to go with Young Wolf and got caught he could expect big trouble.  But then, he was in trouble already more than he cared to think about if Pa found out he’d lied to him today.  He had left this morning with permission to go to the Marquette ranch to study and to play with Ross.  He knew that had he asked to go to the lake, permission would have been refused.   He thought over the words he had used this morning; there had been no deliberate lie but he knew Pa would say that the intention to deceive was the same thing as a lie.  Lying to Pa had only one outcome, a tanning.  He sighed, he’d just have to hope he wasn’t found out.

He got home in plenty of time to complete his chores.  At least that should make Pa happy.  He finished up in the barn without seeing anyone but Jake, who commented on his wet clothes.  He had forgotten that he needed to dry off more before either of his parents saw him, so he hung around in the barn for as long as he dared.  Finally, he decided he would have to chance it, it was almost supper time.  It was strange that Pa hadn’t come out to the barn to look for him, and he hadn’t seen Hoss either.   As he approached the front door he heard raised voices and sighed.  Surely he couldn’t have been found out already!  He listened for a moment to see if his name was mentioned but Pa seemed to be talking about some cattle.  He pushed open the door tentatively, ready to duck if  he was the one in the firing line. Pa had his back to him and it was Marie he was yelling at.

“I know it s short notice but I have to go.  If I can get this deal it will mean we can start our own herd!”  he was shouting.

Marie was facing him, hazel eyes blazing. “Fine!  You go, leave me here to run a ranch and look after your children.  One does nothing but scream, one throws up all over me and the other is never around!”

Ben sighed and his voice dropped. “Don’t you think you re being a little unreasonable?  You knew Adam was going to the Marquettes today, he asked permission; all babies cry and I can’t help it if Joe is cutting teeth at the moment and is more upset than usual; and Hoss was sick because you let him eat all that toffee you made”’

Marie exploded all at once. “Oh,   my fault now is it?  I suppose that Chinaman is my fault too?  Another mouth to feed and look after and he doesn’t even understand me let alone talk!  How long am I supposed to look after him.”

Ben bit back another angry retort and tried to speak calmly. “He’ll be well in a few more days, but I must leave tomorrow.”  He reached out to touch her arm. “Marie, please….”

She shrugged him off. “Go then, but don’t be surprised if I’m not here when you get back!”  She stormed up the staircase and the door to the bedroom slammed shut a few seconds later.

Adam stayed by the door, not sure whether he ought to have overheard the argument, maybe he should have stayed outside.  Marie sure had a temper and when it was let loose on Pa it generally had the effect of making him mad at the next person he saw.  He waited until his father turned around and saw him then he moved into the room.

“Hello, son. Sorry you had to hear that.  I’m afraid I have to go to San Francisco tomorrow and Marie isn’t very pleased about it.” Ben said quietly, his temper now cooled. He drew in a breath, looking at Adam.  “Did you have a good day with Ross?”

Adam nodded. “Yeah , it was fine.  Why are you going to San Francisco?”

Ben sat down in his armchair and picked up his pipe. “There s a chance of buying some cattle from a rancher who s decided to go back east.  He doesn’t like the way the gold miners are taking over his land and he’s selling out.  If I can get there quickly he is giving me first chance at them.   We met a few times in Sacramento and he wrote with the offer today.”  He sighed.  “Marie’s had a rough day, she’ll understand when she calms down.”  He said the last part to himself as if Adam wasn’t there.

Adam grinned. “It could take a while; she looked real mad to me.”

Ben smiled. “Yes, I guess I have some work to do.  Maybe if you and I got the supper and put Hoss and Joe to bed, she’d feel better.”

“I’ll cook supper,” Adam said quickly, figuring it was the easiest job and it would give his clothes more time to dry out of his father’s sight. “You can put Joe to bed, he won’t go to sleep for me.” He headed for the kitchen relieved that Pa had things on his mind; maybe he wouldn’t question him too closely when he went to bed early.

 

An hour later Adam served up a passable meal.  It was strange to have just two of them at the table and despite all his protestations that he wished he was an only child, Adam found it hard being the centre of attention.  Joe had finally gone to sleep after a messy bath and much shouting and Hoss was still in his room feeling sick.  His father had gone up to tell Marie supper was ready but had returned alone.

“I guess we are eating alone tonight,” was all he said when he came back down the stairs.

Adam glanced at his expression but could tell nothing.  He wondered what exactly had transpired upstairs. He had heard Pa’s voice as though he was talking from the hallway but he had not heard Marie answer.  He tried to hide a grin, guessing that she had locked the door and was refusing to speak.  Was there any member of this family that wasn’t stubborn?

“How was your day?  Did you and Ross get plenty of studying done?” Ben asked as he toyed with his food.  He wasn’t particularly hungry now and Adam’s cooking certainly didn’t match Marie’s.

Adam looked down at his plate and blushed a little.  He wasn’t sure how to answer without digging himself deeper into trouble.  His father had always been clear about the need to tell the truth and now his words from an earlier lecturer came back to Adam: ‘one lie leads to another until there is no truth and no trust left.’

“We didn’t study much. We figured we’d get plenty next week.  We just talked and stuff,” he said lamely.

Ben glanced up from his plate.  There was something not quite right in the way his son was answering him but there had been so many confrontations today that he simply couldn’t handle another.  He and Marie often fought, their tempers both of the fiery kind, but he couldn’t recall an occasion quite as bad as today.

It had started with the little Chinese man.  Marie considered that he was well enough to be asked some pointed questions and had tried to do just that.  It was obvious that the little man did not understand more than a few words of English and she had become more and more frustrated with him, until she had begun to shout at him and he had recoiled in fear.  Ben had intervened and she had turned her temper on him, instead.  In the midst of their quarrel Joe had started to cry and she had rushed from the room to fetch him, then lost her temper again when he wouldn’t quiet down.

Into this maelstrom Hoss had walked unknowing, complaining that he was bored because Adam was away and there was no one to play with.  Ben had tried his best to solve the situation by taking the baby from Marie and suggesting that she and Hoss do the chores in the kitchen while he pacified his youngest son.  It had worked well for a while;  Marie and Hoss had cooked and he had rocked Joe until he fell asleep.  Unfortunately, Marie had chosen to spoil Hoss by cooking treats including his favourite toffee, resulting in him being sick in the middle of the afternoon.

The final straw had been Jose bringing the mail and the letter from San Francisco.  It was too good an opportunity to miss and it had been the decision to go tomorrow that had precipitated the last quarrel.  He sighed.  He d better think of a way to sort it out soon; he had to go tomorrow and he couldn’t leave with this hanging over them.

Adam watched his father from under his dark lashes.  Pa hadn’t followed up on the last question as he knew he would normally have done;  this quarrel with Marie must have been worse than he thought.  A year ago he would have been delighted, but now he was worried.  Would Marie really leave?  And if she did would she take Joe with her?  He wasn’t sure which he would miss most.

Ben remained thoughtful throughout the rest of the meal and only spoke to explain that he wanted Adam to take care of things around the house while he was gone.

“It’ll take about two weeks, so if you can try to keep up with the chores I’d appreciate it.  I know that’s hard when you’ve just got a chance to start school and I don’t want you to change that plan.  But after school and at weekends could you try to help Marie as much as possible?”

Adam nodded. “Sure, Pa.  She’ll be alright. We’ll manage fine.”

Ben gave a slight smile. “You two get on better now I see.”

Adam squirmed in his chair. Why did he always get embarrassed when someone mentioned his relationship with his stepmother?  “Yeah, we get on OK most of the time.”

“I’m glad, it was kind of difficult to live with the two of you for a while.”

Adam nodded.  “Pa, I’m kinda tired, do you mind if I go to bed now?”  He pushed his plate away and got to his feet, hoping there would be no awkward questions.

Ben was surprised and showed it. “It s still early, are you sure you’re feeling alright?” He wondered if there had been a new disagreement with Marie.

“Yeah, Pa.  I’m fine just tired that’s all.”  He thought quickly.  “Joe kept me awake last night ‘cos he cried so much.”

Ben acknowledge the truth of that; none of them had been getting much sleep in the last week or so because of young Joe.  Maybe that was why Marie was so short tempered.  If so, it wasn’t surprising that she had been so mad at being left to cope on her own.  He watched Adam climb the stairs then began to clear the dishes.

An hour later he gave up the pretence of reading and turned down the lamps.  He slowly checked everything then went upstairs there were no lights showing under any doors so he made his way into the baby’s room first.  In the dim light from the candle in his hand he could see his small son curled up in a ball, his tiny fist clenched beside his head.  There were two red spots on his cheeks which confirmed Ben’s suspicions that the restless nights and the cries were caused by teething and he guessed that tonight would be no exception.  Ben set the candle down for a moment and sat beside the cot, it would be strange not to hold this little bundle of mischief for two weeks.  He grew everyday and it wouldn’t be long before he was walking and creating more havoc. Hoss had been a placid baby and a quiet toddler, Adam serious and dour.  This one had all the energy of a fireball and Ben could tell that with mobility would come trouble.  He gently brushed his hand through the tousled curls and smiled down at his youngest son, his heart full of love.

Feeling relaxed and peaceful, he looked in on Hoss.  His middle son was still pale but he was sleeping quietly and Ben was sure there would be no after affects of his over-indulgence.  He bent to straighten the covers and Hoss opened his eyes.

“Pa, could I have a drink?” he said sleepily.

“Sh.. I’ll go get one,” Ben said softly.

He came back a moment later with a glass of water and handed it to his young son. “Are you feeling better?”

Hoss nodded sheepishly, he knew his sickness was his own fault and he quite expected Pa to be mad at him as Marie had been.

Ben smiled.  “Maybe next time you’ll go a little more slowly; that is, if you can ever persuade your mother to make toffee again after today.” He removed the empty glass and tucked the quilt around Hoss bending to kiss him goodnight.

“Night, Pa,” Hoss called as Ben closed the door.

In the hallway once more Ben paused; he had said goodnight to Adam less than an hour ago so there was no point in disturbing him again.  He had checked on the younger two now there was nothing left to do but make up his quarrel with his wife.  He wasn’t looking forward to this;  Marie could be more stubborn than he at times and this was likely to be one of them.

He gently pushed at the door of the bedroom and was surprised to find it still locked.

“Marie,” he called. “Open the door.” There was no answer so he tried again. “Marie, this is ridiculous, we have to talk and I can’t yell through the door, it’ll disturb the children.”  He waited a moment and thought she wasn’t going to respond but then the door open slightly.

“We have nothing to say.  You’re going to San Francisco and I’m going back to New Orleans.  What else is there to discuss?” she said firmly, her jaw set in the stubborn line he knew so well.

He reached out a hand to her shoulder but she brushed it away angrily. “I’m tired of running around after a crowd of ungrateful men,” she spat at him.

Ben closed the door behind him. “Come on sweetheart, you’re just tired.  Today has been pretty bad, but it will be better tomorrow.”

“Will it? What’s so different about tomorrow except that you won’t be here?  You’ll be off enjoying yourself in San Francisco while I’m stuck here looking after your sons.” As she spoke she tore at a handkerchief distractedly.

There was something about her anger that was vaguely funny and Ben couldn’t help a slight smile.  “I thought you told me once that they were your sons too and at least one of them is, the noisy one,” he said lightly.

It was the wrong approach and he knew it the minute the words escaped his lips.

“Get out!” she screamed at him, every shred of control gone.  She picked up a glass dish from the night table and threw it at him with considerable force.  He instinctively ducked and the dish shattered against the wall.  It was the final straw for his own temper.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m going! There’s no point in trying to be reasonable when you re in this mood.  Maybe when I get back you’ll have calmed down!” he shouted heading for the door.

“I won’t be here!” she screamed after him as the door slammed shut.

He stood in the hallway for a moment gathering his shredded nerves; if he had stayed a moment longer he knew he would have lost control.  His temper always scared him; he knew it could get to a point where he did and said things he later regretted.  Now what?  He needed a good night’s rest, but where? The bunkhouse?  No, he had no intention of letting the men know that his wife had thrown him out of their bedroom and out of their bed.  The only guest room which was furnished was occupied by the young Chinese.  He could share with one of his sons, but Hoss wasn’t feeling well and Joe’s cot was too small.  It would have to be Adam’s bed.  He d have to think of some explanation for his son, but he supposed Adam would have heard the argument anyway there was no point in pretending all was well.

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 15

 

 

The window creaked a little as Adam opened it; the new frame was a bit tight and it wasn’t easy to open it quietly.  He glanced quickly at the cot to make sure it hadn’t disturbed his little brother, but Joe slept peacefully for a change.  Adam’s own room was above the dining area and he couldn’t escape that way, he had sneaked along to his baby brother’s room where he could drop to the roof of the bunkhouse and make his way to the ground easily.  He gently lowered the window until only a crack was left open hoping that anyone checking on Joe wouldn’t notice it.

He moved swiftly across the yard to the barn and saddled his pony, being careful not to make any noise.  Jose was a light sleeper and any sound from his beloved horses was likely to bring him out to investigate.  He led the pony to the back of the barn and almost jumped out of his skin when Young Wolf materialised from the shadows.

“I wait.  Not know where in great house you sleep,” he said softly.

Adam nodded.  “Lets get away from here, then we can talk,” he said in a whisper.

The two rode north toward Mount Rose and only when they were well clear of the house did Adam relax enough to enter into conversation with his friend.  Young Wolf had taught Adam some Paiute and they conversed in a mixture of the two languages, at ease with each other as if the Indian boy had never been away.  Adam explained about the new house and his new stepmother trying to give Young Wolf a picture of the problems.  His Indian friend did not understand; in his world the women were only important to the girls and the smallest children, the older boys were the responsibility of the men.  Neither could he comprehend corporal punishments; his people did not discipline the children in this way.  However, he did understand that Adam was disobeying his father and he explained that this was something Young Wolf simply would not do.  His father was the authority in the family and in his case also the Chief of his tribe and no one disobeyed him, unless they wished to leave the tribe.

They half-heartedly looked for raccoons but most of the time was spent talking and learning about each other all over again.  Adam discovered that the Paiutes were very close to fighting back against the white men who were stealing their livelihood by killing the antelope and leaving the tribe to starve.  He also learned that the more warlike Bannocks and Shoshone had already started to fight back on the California border and it was these tribes that were moving over towards the eastern side of the mountains to raid the farms and ranches around Truckee.  He knew he ought to tell his father all this but there was no way he could do so without admitting that he had met Young Wolf again.

He would have liked to stay out until dawn as Young Wolf planned to do but he knew he had to get a few hours sleep or his tiredness would be remarked upon at breakfast.  He finally said goodbye to his friend promising to sneak out again whenever he could.  They arranged that Adam would leave a signal at a special point on the trail into Johntown on the night he thought he could get away unseen.

Adam stabled his pony and crept quietly back toward the house, most of the house was in darkness but two lamps burned low, one on the staircase and one in baby Joe’s room.  He climbed back on to the bunkhouse roof and reached up to quietly lift the window and swing himself inside closing it behind him.  He glanced at his brother who still slept and wondered if he had woken in the night as he had been doing.  He looked peaceful enough now and Adam stood for a moment by the cot before tucking the blankets more securely around him.  He moved along the hallway, keeping to the wall to avoid any of the new floorboards creaking.

He felt relief as he closed his bedroom door behind him and made his way to the bed, throwing back the covers and removing the pillows he had arranged to look like his sleeping figure.

“Where have you been?” His father’s voice from the depths of the chair in the corner  startled him so much that it felt as if his heart had stopped beating for a second.

Before he could gather his wits to answer, his father got to his feet and struck a match to light the lamp.

“I asked you a question,” Ben said quietly, his voice low but crackling with anger.

Adam could not find words to answer, he stood facing his father mesmerised like a startled rabbit in the glow from the lamp.

“I… I went to meet…Young Wolf.” he said softly, trying to hold his father’s stern stare but failing and dropping his eyes to the floor.

Ben drew in his breath and clenched his jaw in an effort to stop his temper erupting.  “And just where did you go?” he demanded.

Adam swallowed hard and tried to think, he wasn’t sure he knew exactly where they had ridden but saying that he wasn’t sure would be pushing his luck a little too far. “We went hunting towards Mount Rose,” he said lamely.

“Did it occur to you that riding around in the middle of the night was dangerous?  Did you stop to think how worried I would be?” Ben paused and glared at his son. “Well, did you?” he demanded.

Adam shook his head slowly. “No, sir.  I… I didn’t think you’d find out.”

Ben closed his eyes for a moment. “No, I bet you didn’t.  That’s why you arranged those pillows wasn’t it?  To deceive me.”

Adam kept his eyes on the floor.  Pa sure wasn’t going to let this go easily.  He waited for some indication of his punishment.

“I’m tired and I need to get some sleep before I leave for San Francisco.  We’ll discuss this before I leave in the morning.  Now get to bed”’

Adam nodded. “Yes, sir.”

Ben waited a moment until Adam began to get undressed then he left the room and made his way to the living room.  After that conversation he could hardly share his son’s bed, he would have to finish the night on the settee and that was not a move designed to improve his temper.

 

Morning came all too soon for both Ben and Adam.  They both worked through the early chores while still half asleep.  Adam tried to hide his yawns and every so often he would glance at his father to try to get some clue to his mood this morning.  They were ready to leave the barn when Ben reached out and touched his son’s arm.

“I want to talk to you before we go in to breakfast,” he said sternly. “I don’t know what you thought you were doing last night, but it’s not to happen again.  In the first place, you should be getting your rest at night not wandering around the mountains and secondly being out alone is dangerous.”

“I wasn’t alone,” Adam interrupted with an injured air.

Ben glared at him. “Don’t answer back!  You know perfectly well what I mean.  I don’t want you visiting with Young Wolf day or night while there is so much trouble with the Paiutes.”

“It’s not the Paiutes causing the trouble it’s the Bannocks,” Adam protested, defending his friend and earning himself another reprimand.

“You will do as I say and I don’t expect to be questioned, young man!  While I’m away you will not leave the yard except to go to school, is that understood?” Ben fixed his son with a look which suggested it would not be wise to disagree.

“Yes, sir…but…” Adam began.

“There are no buts, you will do as you re told!  You ll also do some extra chores to fill your time.  I’ll speak to Jake before I leave.” He pointed toward the house. “Now, get inside for breakfast.”

Ben followed Adam into the house wondering what else would go wrong.  He was relieved to see breakfast on the table.  Marie was spooning egg into Joe and did not look up as he approached the table.  It was his usual habit to go up behind her and kiss her, but as he went to do so she moved her head away.  He sighed;  obviously she was still angry with him or maybe just being stubborn.

He took his seat and helped himself to coffee, then began filling his plate.  He had a long ride ahead of him in not very pleasant weather, he needed a good meal inside him before he left.  He glanced out of the window and noted the clear sky, he hoped that meant no more snow, the pass would be difficult enough if the weather held fine.  It was really too early in the year to cross easily but it had to be done if he was to close this deal.

Adam and Hoss looked from one parent to the other. Hoss was aware of the tension but not the reason and he was a little scared at the silence around the table.  Adam was sulking and took a certain amount of pleasure in the fact that his father was suffering too.  He wondered which one would be the first to break the deadlock.

When Ben was ready to leave he gathered Joe into his arms and gave him a cuddle, then setting him down again, he picked up Hoss.

“You behave yourself for Mama while I’m gone,” he said, giving his son a hug.

“Yes, Pa,” Hoss said nervously.  He still wasn’t sure why Pa and Mama weren’t talking to each other.

Marie had begun clearing the dishes and as Ben moved towards her she turned her back and went into the kitchen.  Ben gave a deep sigh and leaving Hoss by the fire with Joe he followed her.

“Whatever, the problem is I’m sorry, but I have to go now and I don’t want to leave with this atmosphere between us,” he said quietly.

Marie stiffened as he spoke but did not turn around. “Then don’t leave,” she said sharply.

Ben hesitated for a moment trying to keep his temper under control. “You are being unreasonable and you know it.  If we want to make a success of the ranch I have to go.”

She swung around and he could see the anger in her hazel eyes. “This damned ranch is that all you think about.  I hate it.  It takes all your time and all of mine and leaves us nothing.  The land is cruel and harsh its no place to bring up children.  Adam is nearly fourteen and he hasn’t been to school.  Well, it s not going to be like that for my son.”

Ben flushed and there was a look of defeat on his face.  “I’m sorry; I thought you shared the dream too.  I can’t make you love it as much as I do and I wouldn’t want to force it on you but now is not the time to discuss it.  I’ll be back in two weeks and maybe we can talk about it then when you are calmer.”

“I won’t be here in two weeks,” she said her head held high and a look of determination on her face.

He reached out to touch her face and recoiled at the hard stare that met him. “Please… don’t make me leave you like this.”

“I’m not making you leave that’s your choice, just as I shall make mine.  Now please go,” she said coldly

Ben felt his temper rising again and he turned on his heel and made for the door.  Marie watched as he picked up the reins of his horse from Adam and gave the boy a quick hug.  She watched through a veil of tears as he rode away, cursing her temper and her stubborn nature.  How could she have said such cruel things?  How could she have let him go without kissing him good-bye? Those mountains were treacherous, particularly in early spring, with the risk of avalanches, storms, heavy snowfalls and heaven alone knew what other dangers, and she had let him ride away with a quarrel between them.  She leaned against the table and cried.  She loved him so much!  What if she never saw him again?

She became aware of a hand on her shoulder and looked up into the troubled eyes of her oldest stepson.

“He’ll be alright, and he’ll be back in a couple of weeks,” Adam said quietly.

“Yes, of course,” she replied, wiping her eyes on her sleeve and busying herself with the dirty dishes. “’Could you make sure Hoss and Little Joe are alright?” she asked, more to give herself time to compose herself than in any fear that the two younger ones needed him.

 

The house was unnaturally quiet and although Marie had promised herself a rest while Joe had his afternoon nap she couldn’t relax.  Adam and Hoss were in the barn with the new foal and there was nothing to worry about but she felt uneasy.  She couldn’t stop thinking about her quarrel with Ben, now in the cold light of reason she knew that yesterday had been the culmination of a series of awful days and sleepless nights.  She was tired and had taken it out on him, when none of it was his fault.  She got up from the bed and walked along to her baby son’s room.  A smile touched her lips as she looked down on the sleeping infant.  For two weeks he had driven them all crazy with his constant crying and now that he had driven a wedge between his parents he was sleeping peacefully and had done all afternoon.   She brushed his dark curls back from his forehead and pulled the covers over him, tucking them around him again.

She wandered downstairs and was surprised to hear sounds in the kitchen, maybe Adam and Hoss were sneaking cookies.  She was about to burst in on them and reprimand them for spoiling their dinner when she noticed that the guest bedroom door was open.  She moved slowly toward the kitchen and stopped in amazement. The young Chinese was standing at the table cutting up vegetables and whistling a nasal Oriental tune.

“What are you doing?” she asked softly, not wishing to startle him.

He looked up apprehensively. “I cook.”

Marie shook her head.  “Why would you do that?”

The little man waved his hand.  “Big house, lady need help.  I good cook.”

Marie grinned. “I do need help and if you can cook then you go right ahead.” She moved alongside him. “You know my name but what is yours?”

He looked puzzled for a moment.  “Name, Hop Sing. You rest. I cook, clean, look after baby.”

“Well, Hop Sing, welcome to the Ponderosa.  I’ll leave you to cook supper.”

It was obvious he didn’t understand everything she said but his head bobbed up and down in agreement.  She wandered back into the living room and took a book from the shelf, curling up in Ben’s chair to read.

 

“Hey, what’s for supper?” Adam asked as he and Hoss rushed in from the yard a couple of hours later.

Marie roused herself from her book, suddenly guiltily aware that she had spent nearly two hours without doing anything.

“Have you finished your chores?” she frowned.

Adam nodded. “Yes, all done.” He glanced around. Where’s Joe?

Marie looked concerned. “Still asleep, I suppose. I haven’t heard a murmur all afternoon.  Would you go up and check please, Adam?  I’d better go and see what Hop Sing has been doing.”  She uncoiled herself to head for the kitchen.

“Who’s Hop Sing?”  Hoss asked.

“I think he’s going to be our new cook,” Marie grinned ruffling her young stepson’s hair. “I hope his cooking tastes as good as it smells.”

It did.  Hoss ate three helpings of stew and was then disconcerted to find that he only had room for one helping of apple pie.  Even Little Joe, who usually gave his mother trouble at mealtimes, ate a full helping without complaint.

“That was a wonderful meal, Hop Sing,” Marie told him as he cleared away the plates.  “Here let me help with those, you still aren’t well enough to do so much”’

The little Chinese shook his head and took the plates from her. “Missy sit.  Hop Sing’s kitchen now.  You help Hop Sing, now Hop Sing help you”’

Marie sighed and sank back into her chair.  It felt good to be pampered just a little for once.  Hop Sing brought coffee and poured a cup for her, as she sipped the delicious brew she eyed the children.  They had all been exceptionally good today; why had yesterday been so awful?  She couldn’t believe that she had lost her temper with Ben quite so completely.  It all seemed so unnecessary now.  She picked Joe up from his chair and carried him across to the blue velvet chair by the fire, curling up with him cuddled close to her.  Adam and Hoss followed and sat on the stone hearth side by side.

Adam glanced up at his stepmother wondering if he dare ask; she seemed in a good mood, so he tried.

“Marie…would you sing for us, please?”

Hoss clapped his hands. “Yes, please, Mama!”

She smiled. “f you’ll hold Joe for a moment I think I can do better than that”  she said.

Adam took Joe from her arms and bounced him on his knee; he wasn’t sure what his stepmother meant.  She ran lightly up the stairs and returned a few moments later with a guitar.

“This was among the things I had sent up from New Orleans but I forgot about it after we moved in here, too many other things on my mind I suppose.”

She returned to her chair and didn’t notice Adam blush and hide his face in Joe’s hair.  He knew what she meant; he had been the cause of her disquiet and he wasn’t proud of that fact now.  She settled herself comfortably and began to pick out a few chords, finally choosing a tune and beginning to sing.  She started with simple songs that they knew and encouraged them to join in.  She sang a funny song and by the end they had all given up singing to collapse in laughter.  She sighed, wondering why couldn’t it have been like this last night?  The thought changed her mood and she began to play a lullaby.

Adam watched in fascination as the music and the mood of the song quieted them all.  He looked down and saw that Joe was drifting off to sleep lulled by the sound of his mother’s voice, he cuddled him closer and stroked his hair until he was sound asleep.  Hoss was leaning against his older brother his eyes slowly glazing over as he listened.  When the song finished, Marie looked over at her stepson and smiled.  Adam smiled back and the smile reached his eyes; sharing this moment with just his stepmother seemed precious and he wished it could go on.  Marie leaned over and gently rested the guitar against the chair.

“I’ll take Joe up to bed, she said softly. “’Can you bring Hoss up?  I’ll tuck him in.”

Adam nodded and handed his baby brother to Marie, gently shaking Hoss until he was awake enough to climb the stairs.

 

“Can I come in?” Marie had knocked softly on Adam’s door after the younger ones were safely in bed.

“Yes, of course,” Adam replied, putting down his book and getting to his feet respectfully.

She waved him to sit down and seated herself in his armchair. “Are you all ready for school on Monday?”

Adam nodded. “I’m looking forward to it.  Ross said there are several other children from town starting too.”  He hesitated. “Do you think I’ll be the only one that’s never been to school before?”

Marie looked up quickly; she had never heard doubt in her stepson’s voice before.  He always seemed so sure of himself even a little arrogant at times.

“Oh I expect there will be others.  A lot of the children in town have followed their parents around mining camps or been born out here.  Your studies are well up to your age anyway, you won’t have any trouble,” she smiled reassuringly.

“I’ll do my best to help with the chores after school,” he said, recalling his father’s words. “’I forgot to arrange to meet Ross on Monday, I’ll go over tomorrow and fix a time.”

Marie shook her head. “I’m sorry but that won’t be possible.”

Adam glanced up sharply, “Why not?”

“You know perfectly well, why not,” she said sternly. “Your father restricted you to the yard except for school until he gets back.”

Adam raised his eyebrows, he hoped she had hadn’t heard that or had forgotten.  Pa must have told her even though she was mad at him. “But, Marie, I need to know.”

“You’ll just have to chance that you’ll meet before you get to the schoolhouse.”  She got to her feet.  “No sneaking off tomorrow.  If you all behave I’ll take you with me when I go over to visit Mrs Hammond, but that’s as far as we go.”  She grinned, and added,” ‘I think Mrs Marquette might be there and she said something about taking Ross.  Now, you get to bed.”  She bent down and rested her hand lightly on his hair. “Goodnight.”

Adam smiled at her.  The scent of roses filled his nose and her soft hair brushed his face.  On impulse he reached up and kissed her lightly on her cheek. “Night, Marie, and thanks,” he said, flushing in embarrassment at his audacity.

Marie smiled softly. “Sleep well.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 16

 

 

Adam glanced around the tiny schoolroom.  It was pretty much as he had expected, with a few desks which were joined together by the back rests, a blackboard on the front wall and a high desk for the teacher.  He followed Ross to a seat near the back and watched as the other children filed in.  He knew a few of them by sight but none to really call friends.

“What happens now?” he whispered to Ross.  For some reason he knew that talking out loud was wrong.

Ross shrugged.  “I guess Mr Lawson will talk to each of us to find out what we have done so far and then assign us to groups.”

Ross’ assessment proved correct and each student was given some tasks to do to determine their ability.  Adam found the math and the English easy but faltered a little on the history and geography; he had read a lot but, with no formal teaching, his reading had been selective and there were large gaps in his knowledge.

He found himself put into a group of four children which included Ross, another boy with a thin, serious face called Reuben and Louise, the daughter of the owner of the trading post.  Reuben and Louise had both been to school before and he felt a little at a disadvantage.  Louise, in particular, laughed at his mistakes and took delight in showing off  her knowledge.  It was the first time that Adam had felt the need to compete with anyone and he was surprised at how angry it made him to know less than she did.

 

“You and Louise sure don’t get along, do you?” Ross said with a laugh when the class was let out for their lunch break.

“She’s just a dumb girl.  I don’t have to get along with her,” Adam said huffily as he unfolded the paper in which Marie had packed his lunch.  He took a bite of his sandwich and looked around. “Do you know any of the others?”

Ross nodded.  “The little kid over there is Louise’s brother, Alex.  The two boys by the tree are the sons of one of the prospectors called Bonner.  I don’t know how he’s paying for them to be here, he drinks most of his money.”

“They look about our age,” Adam interrupted.

“Yeah, I think Rick is.  Jeff’s a bit younger and they’ve got a baby sister.  The two girls talking by the door are Jenny Wilson and Katie Parsons.  They come from the other side of the valley.  Their folks are farmers.  They’re younger than us.” He glanced around again. “The others I don’t know.  I think they’re from the town,” he said, indicating a group of four younger children playing together.

“How d you get to know them?” Adam asked.

Ross shrugged.  “I ain’t as stuck up as you.  I go and talk to them when I’m in town.”  He said it with a grin and Adam didn’t take offence at the suggestion; he knew he was reserved and found it difficult to talk to new people.

John Lawson came out for some fresh air and Adam studied him carefully.  So far he liked the man; he had been helpful with the questions Adam hadn’t understood and his explanations had been clear and instructive.  He thought he might just get to like school as much as he had hoped.  The afternoon s work was harder forcing him to concentrate to get it done and, despite enjoying the study, he was relieved when it was time to go home.  He gathered his books and made for the door with Ross at his heels.

“Hey, Ross!  You and your friend wanna come down to the stream with us?” Rick Bonner called across the classroom.

Ross waited until the two brothers pushed their way to the door and then looked at Adam. “Sorry, Rick.   I gotta get home.”

Adam shook his head. “Yeah, I have to get straight home to do chores.”

Rick surveyed him carefully. “You one o’ them kids that always does what you’re told, are you?” he said sarcastically.

Adam’s temper rose and he was about to make some retort when Ross jumped in first.  “Thanks for asking, Rick, but we got a longer ride home than you.  We’d better be going.” He pulled at his friend’s sleeve. “Come on, Adam.”

They move toward their ponies and as they began to saddle up, Adam looked back at Rick.  “Maybe some other time, when I’ve got an alibi,” he said with a slight grin.

Rick laughed and nudged his brother.  “He’ll be coming with us by the end of the week.  Ain’t that so?”

Adam nodded. “How about the day after tomorrow?”

Ross shook his head, sadly. “You’ll live to regret it, my friend.”

 

Marie had waited anxiously all day for her stepson’s return.  She wanted this to be a success; she knew how much it meant to him. Her only reservation was the effect it would have on Hoss.  Since the day she had arrived it had been obvious that Hoss was his brother’s shadow; he looked up to him, deferred to his plans and followed his lead.  Today had been pure misery for the little boy.  Every time she turned, Hoss was there, his eyes soulful and his manner dejected.  She tried to entertain him but her games weren’t good enough.  Playing with Joe was only a short term solution as Hoss soon grew tired of that activity.  Ben would have to change his mind and allow Hoss to accompany his brother if only so that he could find a few friends of his own age.

“He’s back!  He’s back!” Hoss yelled, rushing from the window where he had been watching for the past hour for a sign of his brother’s arrival.

Marie didn’t have to ask who was back.  She smiled and followed Hoss to the barn with Joe in her arms.  He had just woken from a sleep and was grizzly and fretful.

Hoss bombarded his brother with questions, not letting him tend to his pony until he had answered most of them.  Marie waited until Hoss quieted down a little before she asked, “Well, was it what you expected?”

Adam nodded, his eyes shining and his face animated in a way she had never seen before.  “It’s great! Mr Lawson has hundreds of books, well, maybe not hundreds, but a lot and he says I can borrow them if I want.”

“What about the other children?” Marie inquired.

“Oh, they’re OK, I guess,” Adam replied, dismissed them with a wave of his hand.

Marie sighed she had hoped he would try to make friends with someone other than Ross.  It worried her that he spent so much time alone or with his head in a book.

Adam leaned over the stall and ruffled Joe’s hair, “What’s the matter with you, little buddy?”

To Marie’s amazement Joe stopped whining and a beaming smile lit up his face as he stared at his big brother and held out his chubby hands to him.   Adam walked around the stall and held out his arms. “Here, let me hold him for a while,” he grinned. “You know, I’ve missed him, even if he does cry a lot.”

“You miss me too?” Hoss asked his lip trembling a little.

Adam smiled at him. “Sure I did, but then it won’t be long before you can come, too.  I’ll talk to Pa.  There’re some kids about your age from south of the valley.”

They walked into the house together and Adam set Joe down by the fire place, watching as he crawled toward the hearth and then picking him up again at the last moment.

“Not that way, buddy.  You mustn’t touch the fire,” Adam said gently.

Hop Sing bustled in carrying a tray with coffee for Marie and milk for the boys and a large plate of cookies, then disappeared again in the direction of the kitchen.

“They look good,” Adam said, as he selected one and bit into it. “Taste good, too.  Is Hop Sing staying?”

Marie gave a quizzical smile. “Who knows? He seems to be and he’s taken over nearly all the household chores.  I’ve been left to look after Joe and do the sewing today.” She gave Adam a grin and then whispered, “I’m terrified of him!  If I go into the kitchen I’m met with a stream of Chinese.  It’s definitely his kitchen now.  I hope he lets me back in to cook occasionally or I’ll forget how.”

Adam drank his milk in one gulp and stood up. “I’d better get to the chores.  I’ve got homework to do after supper”’

Marie took Joe from him and watched as he left for the barn, accompanied by his little shadow who was happy once more.  She wondered where Ben was now and wished he was here to share this new happy family.  She wanted him home; she needed to apologise for her quick temper and for all the unforgivable things she had said; to start anew.

 

Adam settled in quickly at school and days became routine.  He found most of the work easy and gradually he managed to pull ahead of the others in his group.  He soon found that he could allow his mind to wander when Mr Lawson was talking about math and still catch up with the others when the exercises were set.  Today, he was thinking about his father.  Pa had been gone nearly three weeks and he knew Marie was worried about him, he should be home any day now.  He jumped as Mr Lawson stood over him and rapped on the desk with his pointer.

“It might help if you gave me at least some of your attention, Adam,” he said sharply. “Since you got all of the homework questions right, I’d like you and Ross to work them on the blackboard.  You can take the odd numbers and Ross the even ones.”

As Adam got to his feet and followed Ross to the front, he didn’t see the sick look on his friend’s face.  Once at the board he began to work through the exercise fairly quickly.  He was about half-way through when he became aware of Ross’ nervousness beside him.  He glanced across and saw that Ross was still struggling with the first problem.  He whispered the next bit to his friend and Ross began to write again.

Suddenly the pointer crashed down between them. “Well, at least I’ve discovered which one of you copied from the other.  You will both stay after school to explain to me why you cheated on your homework”’

Adam swung around in astonishment.  “But I …” He stopped as he saw his friend’s guilty expression.

“Mr Cartwright, doing someone else’s work for them or lending them your work to copy is not helping.  I consider it as serious as the copying itself.  Do you understand?”  Lawson’s tone was stern and unbending.

“Yes, sir,” Adam muttered.

“Now, you may return to your seats.”

Ross whispered an apology as they slid into the desk.  Adam glanced at his friend.  He couldn’t work out when Ross had found the time to copy his work without him knowing, but he didn’t intend to give him away to Mr Lawson.  They were friends and they were in this together.

As the afternoon wore on Ross’ manner became more and more dejected it was obvious he was worried about the forthcoming interview with Mr Lawson.  Adam felt sorry for him and was determined to cheer him up.  He leaned forward, his elbows on the desk and his chin in his hands.  What could he do to lighten Ross’ mood?  The desk in front was occupied by Louise and a couple of times she had turned to look at them with her superior ‘nose in the air’ expression, then she’d turned back to the front with a toss of her head her braids swinging around her shoulders.

On the second occasion Adam grinned an evil grin.  He waited until she was concentrating on the history lesson again and he gently reached out and untied first one ribbon bow then the other, making sure the ribbons were knotted securely to her hair he passed them around the metal bar that held her seat back to his own desk and tied it firmly.  He nudged Ross and nodded towards the braids.  He was rewarded by a grin and a shake of the head from his friend.

“You’ll get it if Lawson sees,” he whispered.

Adam tilted his head on one side and grinned. “It’ll be worth it to see Miss Uppity tied down,” he whispered back.

A few minutes later Adam was wondering if that statement was true.  Louise turned her head sharply to answer a question and yelled as her hair stayed put.  The more she tugged the more it hurt and the louder she yelled.  Mr Lawson descended on the desk and released her, then rounded on the two boys.”  he demanded.

Adam gave a resigned sigh.  “I am,” he said.

John Lawson hauled him to his feet by his collar. “Apologise to Louise at once”’

Adam hesitated and glanced up at John Lawson; he debated refusing but Lawson’s expression told him that wouldn’t be a wise move.  “I’m sorry, Louise.  It was just a bit of fun, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Louise glared at him and sat down to re-tie her ribbons.

“You can spend the rest of the lesson in that corner where you can’t cause any more disruption.  You are already seeing me after school.  I suggest you try not to anger me further this afternoon.” Mr Lawson propelled him to the front of the class and placed him in the corner facing the wall.

The last half an hour went by extremely slowly and by the time it was over Adam knew every crack in the wall intimately and the humiliation he felt had not improved his temper.  He was relieved that the afternoon was over but apprehensive about what Mr Lawson was going to do.

“Come here, both of you,” Mr Lawson ordered when the classroom had emptied out into the yard.

Ross went to the front dragging his feet.  He knew he owed his friend an explanation in addition to getting him out of trouble with Mr Lawson.  Adam turned from the corner and went to join his companion.  He was unsure of how to explain the copied work if he was asked; he had known nothing about it.

“Well, Ross would you like to tell me how you came to hand in homework which was exactly the same as Adam’s?” Lawson began.

Ross looked at his feet and drew circles on the floor with his toe. “I borrowed it and copied it yesterday.” He looked up momentarily. “Adam didn’t know nuthin’ about it, honest.”

Mr Lawson pursed his lips. “Honesty has very little to do with this, does it?” he frowned at Ross. “You will repeat that exercise and complete the next one as extra work.  I expect it on my desk first thing on Monday morning, and it will be your own work.  Is that clear?”

Ross gasped at the amount of work, but nodded his acceptance of his punishment.  Adam waited anxiously for his turn, he wasn’t so sure about Lawson anymore, maybe he was stricter than he had at first thought.

Lawson turned to Adam. “On this occasion I am going to believe that you knew nothing about it, but I had better not find that it happens again or you will receive a similar punishment.”

Adam nodded, pleased that he hadn’t been given extra work.  With his chores it took him until bedtime to get finished as it was.  Mr Lawson’s next words were not so well received.

“Hurting Louise is not so easily dismissed.” He fixed Adam with a stern stare. “I won’t have such pranks in my classroom.  If there is any repeat of this kind of behaviour you will receive a caning and your parents will receive a letter from me telling them why.  Is that understood?”

Adam flushed and bowed his head.  “Yes, sir.”

Mr Lawson waited a moment then added. “You will write an essay for me this weekend entitled ‘Respect for Others’.  It will be at least four pages in your best handwriting and if it is not up to the required standard you will repeat it until I am satisfied.”

A sharp intake of breath told John Lawson that his pupil understood so he said no more. “Go on, get on home and try to behave yourselves next week.”

 

“I’m sorry about the math,” Ross told Adam when they emerged into the sunlight. “It s my worst subject and I knew I’d get it all wrong.  You’re so good at it.  I didn’t figure Lawson would notice.”

Adam grinned. “Forget it. But next time tell me, we can work it together.” He hesitated then added, “At least that way we can make sure it has a few differences.”

“You still coming swimmin’ tomorrow?” Rick Bonner yelled across at Adam.

“I dunno, Rick. I’ve got an awful lot of chores and homework to do this weekend,”  Adam sighed.

Ross raised his eyebrows. “I thought your Pa restricted you to the ranch while he was away?”

“Yeah, he did, but Marie won’t notice if I’m careful.  She asked me to haul in some more wood from where Jake’s been cutting. I can say it took longer than she expected.” He turned back to Rick. “I’ll be there after lunch, is that alright”’

Rick nodded. “See you then.”

Ross shook his head, a hurt expression on his face. “You told me you couldn’t meet up with me this weekend, but it’s okay to go with Rick.  I thought we were friends.”

Adam bit his lip.  He had forgotten that he d turned down Ross’ offer to go to the lake.  At the time he had been trying to obey his father because he felt guilty about the lies he and Ross had been telling for the past month. “You could come with us,” he offered.

“Nah, you go with your new buddy.  My Pa’d be real mad if he found me with one of the Bonners.”

Adam shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

They rode the rest of the way to the Marquette ranch in silence.  Adam knew that Ross was angry with him, but he wanted to spend time with his new friends, too.  He shrugged.  Ross would get over it.

“See you Monday, then?” Adam said as they parted.

Ross said nothing and rode away towards the house leaving Adam feeling even more guilty.

On Saturday morning Adam skipped through his chores doing the barest minimum to avoid awkward questions.  He had completed his regular homework last night and he knew he could write the essay on Sunday.  Marie always spent a couple of hours alone in her room on a Sunday.  She said that since there was no Catholic church for her to attend she needed some time to say her prayers alone.  Adam couldn’t believe she needed that long as well as the time she spent each day.  For him, prayers were something said quickly before bed, and preferably in bed when it was cold.  The only other time he prayed was when he was in trouble and could think of no way to get out of it.  Then he called for divine intervention, not that it often worked.  He didn’t want Marie to see the essay or she might ask some difficult questions about the subject matter.

He had finished his chores and was making his way across the yard when he heard a horse approaching.  “Oh, no.  Not Pa, not now,” he muttered.

He glanced back and breathed a sigh of relief as he recognised Chad Hammond, their neighbour to the north.

“Hello, Mr Hammond.  Pa’s not home right now,” he said, taking the reins from Hammond’s hands.

“It’s not your Pa I want, Adam.  Is Marie at home?” he spoke quickly and seemed agitated.

“Yeah, she’s inside.” Adam shook his head as Mr Hammond rushed into the house without answering him.

He tied the horse to the hitching rail and followed the man into the house.

“If you could come right away, Mary would be mighty grateful.  Tom’s worried to death about her, somethin’ ain’t right,” Hammond was saying.

Marie stood with her back to the fire holding Little Joe in her arms.  “Of course I’ll come, Chad, but I don’t know what to do about the children.” She lowered her voice. “I don’t know Hop Sing well enough to leave them with him.  The hands are all up at the logging camp and Adam is supposed to ride up there with the wagon this afternoon.’  For a moment she looked anxiously around as if expecting some new person to materialise.

“Bring ’em with you.  I can take care of the young uns while you look after Mary,” Hammond replied.

“Are you sure, Chad?”

Hammond nodded. “But, please hurry.  Tom’s real worried about Mary.”

“Alright. Adam get the buckboard ready while I pack a few things in case I have to stay overnight”’  She thrust Joe at Chad and ran lightly up the stairs, calling Hoss as she went.

Less than half an hour later, Adam watched them drive away with a smug smile on his face.  This was even better than he had hoped.  Within minutes of Marie’s departure he was also on his way.

 

It was late afternoon when Ben rode up to the house.  He was surprised at the deserted yard but he guessed the hands were up at the logging camp.  He sighed; Adam should have been doing chores.  Well, if he had disobeyed him and slipped off he was going to be in trouble.  He stabled his horse and looked around the barn.  It was tidy and everything seemed in order.  Then his eyes rested on the space where the buckboard should have been, it was empty and the wagon was gone too.  The wagon might be up at the camp but the buckboard, who would have taken that?

He walked over to the house, surprised that Hoss didn’t rush out to meet him.  Even if Marie was still sulking, his son would have been impossible to keep indoors once he heard his father ride up.  He pushed open the door and called out.

“Marie! Hoss! Adam!”  He paused. “Is anyone here?”

Suddenly from the kitchen the Oriental appeared brandishing a meat cleaver, which he lowered when he saw who was shouting.

“Where are my family?” Ben asked in alarm. He should never have left them with a stranger in the house!

Hop Sing puzzled over the question for a moment as if seeking the right words. “They gone.  Missy go with boys.”

“What!  Go where?”  Ben moved toward the kitchen.

The little Chinaman shook his head. “My kitchen now, I cook.  Missy gone.”

Ben looked around him frantically seeking some sign of his family.  He rushed up the staircase throwing open each bedroom door.  There was no sign of anyone.  In his own room he looked for anything that would give him a clue.  He opened the closet and sighed with relief, Marie’s clothes were there.  Then his relief turned to fear: the carpet bag was gone, and when he checked again some of her things were missing.  He went back to Joe’s room; some of his things were missing too.  She must have taken just enough to manage without loading herself down with luggage.  But where were Adam and Hoss?  Had she taken them, too?  No, they were probably at the Shaughnessy’s or the Marquette’s.  She wouldn’t have taken her stepsons with her, would she?

He sank down into a chair and tried to control the rising panic.  She had meant it; every word had been a warning and he had ignored it.  He could take no pleasure in the success of his visit to San Francisco now; he had gained a prize herd but it had cost him his wife and baby son.  Nothing was worth that sacrifice.

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 17

 

 

 

“Let’s swim over to the other side of the bay,” Jeff Bonner suggested.

The three boys had been in the water for about half an hour and had become accustomed to the cold.  It was always pretty chilly in the lake but this early in the year it felt freezing.  Adam was reminded of the unexpected dunking his stepmother had given him at this very spot when he had first brought her up here.

Thinking of Marie reminded him that he had to pick up the wagon with the timber before he went home and if he left it too late Jake would be headed back to the ranch and he would have some difficult explaining to do.  He had told Jake that Marie needed him in the yard this afternoon and he would fetch the wagon later.  If Jake took the wagon back before he did, the foreman would know that this was a lie.

“I’d better be getting on home.” Adam began to climb out and walk up the beach to where their clothes were heaped on the sand.   He dried himself off and dressed, then rubbed his hair vigorously again.  He didn’t want Jake or Marie to comment on it.  He hoped Marie was still at the Hammond’s;  it would make it easier on his conscience if he didn’t have to tell any more half-truths about this afternoon.  He had thought his plan through carefully and he didn’t think there were any holes in it, but it still worried him when he had to evade the truth.  He preferred to avoid the questions in the first place.

His first shock was driving the wagon into the yard to find his father’s horse tied to the hitching rail.  He quickly untied his own pony from the back of the wagon and rushed into the barn; having to explain why he had dragged his pony up to the camp and back would be difficult.  He had barely completed the task of feeding and rubbing him down when his father came into the barn.

“Hi, Pa, how was your trip?” Adam asked quickly.

Ben embraced him and ruffled his hair causing Adam to hold his breath. “The trip was fine, but what’s been going on here?” his father asked anxiously, holding his son by the shoulders and looking him straight in the eye.

Adam thought fast; what had Pa seen or heard?  He couldn’t be sure so he tried to play it safe.  “What d’you mean, Pa?  Everything’s fine”’

Ben exploded. “Fine? FINE?!  Where’s Marie?  And your brothers?”

For a second Adam looked mystified, then relieved as he remembered. “Oh! Mrs Hammond’s having her baby and Marie went over to help this morning. She took Hoss and Little Joe with her”’

Ben took a minute to assimilate the information and he was so relieved that he needed to hear it repeated. “You mean she was here until this morning and she’ll be back tonight?”

Now it was Adam’s turn to look surprised.  “Sure, she was here.  Where else would she be?  I don’t know whether she’ll be back tonight, she took some things with her in case they had to stay over.”

Ben sighed, his worst fears had been unfounded; at least, if she was still here there was a chance to put things right.  He had spent three weeks worrying and rehearsing what he would say.  “I’ll help you unload those logs then I’ll ride over to the Hammonds maybe I can bring the boys back here.”

It took nearly an hour to get the wagon unloaded and the horses bedded down.  By then the hands were back and Ben took the time to explain to Jose that he would soon be in charge of the new Ponderosa herd.  He and Adam had barely got inside to clean up when they heard the sound of the buckboard in the yard.  Ben rushed out of the door again desperate to hold his wife in his arms and assure himself that she really was still here.

He stopped short as he saw that Phil, one of Chad’s ranch hands was driving the wagon and Marie was leaning against him in tears.  Hoss was in the back holding on tightly to his baby brother and also showing signs of tears.

“What’s happened?  Marie, darling, what’s wrong?” he asked anxiously as he helped her from the buckboard.

Marie clung to him still in tears.  “It’s Mary… Mary’s dead.”

Ben closed his eyes and hugged her tightly. “Oh, my God.” He looked up at Phil.  “How’s Tom?” Thinking about it Ben knew it was a silly question, he knew exactly how Tom was feeling; he had felt it himself thirteen years ago.

The ranch hand shook his head.  “I dunno, Mr Cartwright.  Chad was with him, he asked me to bring Mrs Cartwright and the boys home.  I’d  best be getting back.  There’ll be an awful lot to do.”

Ben nodded distractedly, looking down at Marie, still weeping, in worry. “Yes, thanks for bringing them home.” He half-carried Marie into the house and poured her a large measure of brandy. “Here, drink this.” He waited until she had sat down and taken her first sip. “Can you tell me what happened?”

Marie took another sip of brandy and coughed a little. “Chad fetched me this morning.  Mary was almost unconscious by the time I got there.” She took a deep breath, “Oh Ben, it was awful!  The baby was born dead and I couldn’t do anything to save either of them. She was such a beautiful little girl.”  She choked on the brandy and her tears began again.

Ben held her close and rocked her gently, waiting for her tears to stop.  He felt so helpless.  “Poor Tom,” he sighed after a few minutes. “He and Mary were so looking forward to that baby.  Let me help you upstairs. You’ll feel better after a rest. I can take care of the boys and I’ll make some broth and bring it up to you.”  He took her in his arms and carried her upstairs, but once in the bedroom she wouldn’t let him leave,”  she begged.

He sat at her side until she fell into a troubled asleep, then he left quietly, knowing that the boys would be hungry.  He had left them alone for too long already; he hadn’t even given Hoss and Little Joe a hug since their return and he hadn’t seen them for three weeks.

He went down the stairs and was amazed to find his oldest son curled up in his big chair with Hoss on one side and Joe on his knee.  Adam was reading stories to them using different voices for the characters and they were spellbound.

“I’m sorry I left you alone,” Ben said as Hoss rushed over to climb on his knee for a hug and Joe held out his hands, too.

“It’s alright, Pa.  Marie needed you more.  Hop Sing has some supper for you, we’ve eaten,” Adam said closing the book and placing it on the table.

“Hop Sing?” Ben asked, his expression one of puzzlement.

Adam nodded. “Yeah.  Oh!  You wouldn’t know.  That’s the name of the Chinese man you brought home.  He’s kinda taken over the household chores and the cooking.”

“He’s a real good cook, Pa,” Hoss interrupted.

Ben smiled.  “It sounds like he’s become a permanent fixture.”

Adam nodded. “Yeah, we’re all scared to go in the kitchen.  He doesn’t speak much English but he does work hard.”

At that moment the subject of the conversation padded in to the room with a tray which he placed on the table. “You eat.  Not good you no eat,” he said then abruptly left the room again.

“I guess I’d better do as I’m told,” Ben smiled as he set Hoss down again and picked up the tray.  While he ate Ben questioned Adam about the ranch and things that had been done while he was away.  He noticed that the boy was saying very little about what he had been doing and wondered if there was a problem with his stepmother or in school.

“Three weeks in school now, isn’t it?  Are you enjoying it?” he asked in an effort to find out more.

“Yes, sir. Mr Lawson has lots of books that I can read and most of the lessons are interesting,” Adam replied not giving much away to his father.

Ben put down his tray and fished in his pocket for his pipe and tobacco.  When the pipe was well alight he reached out and took Joe from Adam’s arms and bounced him on his knee keeping him well away from the hot pipe.  Joe’s chubby fingers continually reached out to try to touch the smoke but his father just smiled and moved him further away.

“What about the other children?  Have you made some new friends?”

Adam shrugged, “A couple.”

Ben sighed. Why was extracting information from his oldest son so much like extracting teeth?  “When I was at school, spending time with my friends was the best part.  We got up to all sorts of mischief.” He waited for a moment. “You are behaving yourself, aren’t you?”

“Sure, Pa,” Adam said quickly.  This was a subject he wanted to avoid.

Ben frowned. “Have you had an argument with Marie?”

Adam shook his head. “No,” he said shortly.  He was relieved that Joe had made a grab for his father’s pipe and all Ben’s attention was fixed on keeping the baby away from the hot ash.

“I’ll take him up to bed,” Adam offered, hoping it would give him an escape route.  He got to his feet and held out his arms to take his baby brother.

Ben watched suspiciously as the two of them went up the stairs. Now he knew something was wrong.  What had happened while he was away?  Marie hadn’t mentioned their quarrel but then she had been upset; she hadn’t mentioned her hate of the ranch either.  Hop Sing appeared to have taken over all the household chores and Adam was being polite and helpful in a most unusual manner.  He always knew when Adam had been up to something, because he became too well-behaved, and his usual taciturn conversations became monosyllabic.  Well, it would have to wait until tomorrow, Ben thought as he gave in to a yawn.  He was too tired to think about it now.  He pushed himself to his feet

“Come on, Hoss, time for bed.” He picked up the little boy and swung him up on to his shoulder making him giggle.

Ben looked in on Adam before he went to bed, but his son was already sound asleep.  His suspicions grew.  He didn’t approve of the boys going to bed without saying goodnight and Adam was well aware of the fact.  He had almost certainly done this deliberately to avoid anymore questions.

“What’s Adam been up to while I was away” he asked Marie as he undressed for bed.

She was lying in bed looking pale but calmer; they had already discussed the events at the Hammond ranch.

“Nothing that I know of, other than his schoolwork and his chores,” she said, puzzled at the question. “Why?”

Ben grinned at her. “He’s hiding something.  Has he been well-behaved all  the time I’ve been away?”

Marie nodded. “Yes, he’s been helpful, and except for school and a visit we made to the Hammonds, he hasn’t been out of the yard.  Oh! Except today; when he took the wagon up to the lumber camp to collect the logs.”

Ben sat on the edge of the bed for a moment. “We’ll see. No doubt it will all come to light sooner or later.” He extinguished the lamp and climbed into bed. “I’m sorry for leaving you for so long,” he said softly, waiting for some sign that she had forgiven him for going away.

Marie gave a wan smile.  “No, I’m sorry I gave you a hard time.  It was a bad week and everything seemed to go wrong.  The next day was perfect.  Joe slept, and Hop Sing took over the chores, and I couldn’t remember what I’d been so angry about”’

He leaned towards her and gathered her into his arms. “I’ve missed you,” he said softly kissing her hair.

“I’ve missed you too,” she replied, moving closer to him and touching his face with her finger tips.

He moved to kiss her lips and then stopped suddenly.

“What’s wrong?” she asked slightly alarmed at his expression.

“Is Joe sleeping all night?” he grinned.

“Well, he has for the last week, but since you’re home I wouldn’t bet on it continuing.”

He pulled her close again and kissed her. “Tonight, he’ll just have to yell.”

 

All the chores were finished and Adam hung around the porch looking lost.  Marie was playing a game of checkers with Hoss, and Joe was sitting on her lap, trying his best to upset the board.  His father was reading a newspaper he had brought back from San Francisco.  There was nothing to disturb the quiet Sunday afternoon and Adam was bored.

He gave a deep sigh and kicked idly at a stone sending it spinning across the yard.  Ben looked up and smiled.

“Alright, I give in.  Since Marie says you’ve been good while I’ve been away, your restriction is over you can ride over to visit Ross, as long as you are back here before dark.”

Adam had his back to his father and Ben didn’t see the guilty expression that flitted across his face.  He needed no second telling. “Thanks, Pa!” he said, almost over his shoulder as he raced for the barn.

The guilt didn’t last long, Adam pushed it to the back of his mind and headed for his friend’s home.  If he was quick they would have time to go to the stream.

 

Two hours later the two boys had waded, climbed trees, skimmed stones and done a hundred other things that thirteen-year-olds found challenging.  To Adam’s relief Ross seemed to have forgotten his hurt at Adam’s desertion the day before.  It was almost time to head for home but Adam was exploring a mud bank where the autumn leaves had rotted down making a damp muddy bog.

“Hey, Ross come and look at all these frogs!” he called “Some of them are so tiny.”

Ross leaned over his friends shoulder and examined the heaving mass of frogs amongst the mud and leaves.  Suddenly one of them jumped towards the boys and Ross recoiled in surprise.

Adam laughed. “You scared of frogs?” he teased, picking one up and holding it close to Ross’ face.

Ross grinned.  “Nah, it just startled me, that’s all.” He bent down and picked up a large frog to prove his point.

Adam gave an sly grin. “That gives me an idea.  D’you think Lady Louise likes frogs?”

Ross frowned. “What are you planning?”

“Nuthin’ much, just putting a few of these in her desk,” Adam grinned. “Come on, Ross, it’ll be fun.”

Ross shook his head. “Lawson’ll skin us alive.”

Adam sighed.  “We won’t do it when he’s around.  We ll put them in the desk at recess.  She won’t open it until she gets her lunch out and Lawson’s never there at lunchtime.”

Ross looked sceptical.  “You sure it would work?”

“Course it will, trust me,” Adam said persuasively.

Ross grinned. “Okay.  How many do we want?”

Adam shrugged. “Five or six should be enough to be sure one of them will jump when she opens the desk.”

The two boys gathered the frogs and tucked them away inside Adam’s hat for safety.

 

Later that evening Adam was transferring the frogs into a box when the door was pushed open.  He spun around almost dropping the box on the floor. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that it was just his younger brother.

“What d’you want?” he snapped.

Hoss ignored the warning in his voice and poked at the box. “What you got in there?”

“Never you mind,” Adam said sharply pushing the box behind some books on his shelf.

“I wanna see,” Hoss whined, reaching up to the shelf.

Adam pushed his brother away from the shelf and succeeded in toppling three or four books on to the floor.  “Now look what you’ve done!” he yelled, pushing Hoss hard against the wall. “Pick them up!”

Hoss had grown enough in the past year to risk fighting back and he did so now. “Pick ’em up yourself!” He snapped back, giving his older brother a hard punch to his middle.

Adam retaliated by grabbing Hoss’ arm and trying to make him bend down to the books but his younger brother struck out again and landed a firm blow to his ribs.  This time Adam hit back and hit hard.  Within seconds they were rolling on the floor trading punches.

“What is going on here?” said a stern voice from the doorway, but neither of the boys was aware of it.

Ben leaned down and caught one son in each hand and hauled them to their feet, his expression furious.

“I asked what was going on here?” he glared at both of them.

“He started it!” Adam yelled his temper still high.

“I did not, you hit me first!” Hoss yelled back.

“That’s enough from both of you! Adam, what is this fight about?”

Adam stared at the floor. “Nuthin’ really, Pa.”

Ben turned his attention to his younger son. “Well, Erik, what was it about?”

Hoss glanced at Adam, he knew that whatever his brother had in that box would not meet with Pa’s approval or it wouldn’t have been tucked away behind the books.  If he told Pa he was sure Adam would be in trouble.  He considered the idea but decided against it, he hated to be in trouble and didn’t want to make more for Adam even if he was mad at him.

He, too, stared at his feet.  “Like Adam said, it weren’t nuthin’, Pa.”

Ben glared at them both. “Well ‘nothing’ is going to earn the pair of you an early night. Erik, get back to your own room and get ready for bed.” He glared at Adam. “You’re old enough to know better!  Now get to bed.  I shall be back in ten minutes to check.”

As he went to follow Hoss from the room he heard Adam mutter under his breath and he spun around catching his son’s arm in a firm grip. “What was that?”

Adam was surprised and a little nervous that his father had heard. “It’s not fair. It’s almost Hoss’ bedtime anyway,” he said, sulkily.

“That’s because you are older and, supposedly, more responsible.  If you tried to act that way maybe you wouldn’t find life so unfair” Ben released his arm. “Now do as you’ve been told and don’t let me hear another word out of you.”

 

The history lesson was progressing quietly and Ross and Adam were concentrating on the lesson for once.  Mr Lawson was talking about the Lewis and Clark expedition and Adam  found it fascinating.  The frogs had been carefully placed in Louise’s desk at recess and there was about twenty minutes to go before lunch; all was going to plan.

“We’ll talk some more about this subject next week.  Now, I’d like your homework before you go to lunch,” John Lawson said as he began to walk down the rows collecting in the work the children had done.

Adam, like most of the children, had his on his desk in anticipation, but to his horror Louise started to open her desk.  She had obviously put hers away tidily with her lunch pail. He glanced at Ross and saw that his friend’s face was drained of all colour.  There was no more time to think as the frogs suddenly exposed to the air and light made a bid for freedom. Louise screamed and jumped onto her seat.  Her screams were soon echoed by Katie who was seated in front of her.  Rick and Jeff decided to attempt to catch the frogs and added to the chaos as the remainder of the class either joined in the chase or ran away.

It took Mr Lawson quite a while to restore order and when he did it was clear that he was not as amused as Rick Bonner. “ ‘Since you find this so funny, Rick, can I assume you are responsible?”  Mr Lawson said glaring at Rick.

Rick sobered immediately.  He had been in enough hot water in his life to know when to duck, and Lawson’s expression told him that this was no time to play hero.

“Nothin’ to do with me, sir!  I was only trying to help catch ’em,” he said quickly.

John Lawson walked to the front of the classroom again. “I think I can assume that the girls had nothing to do with this so they may go to lunch.  The boys will sit here until someone owns up to this.” He sat back in his chair and surveyed the classroom while the girls scrambled to get outside.

For several minutes there was no sound.  Ross kept his eyes down on his desk, not looking at anyone, especially Adam or Lawson.  Adam knew that sooner or later he was going to get found out but there was something cold-blooded about standing up in this silence and confessing, so he sat still and glanced nervously around at his classmates.  After about ten minutes he noticed that the glances he was receiving were less than friendly.  There was some fidgeting and one or two looks were openly hostile.  He sighed.  He was going to have to speak out or he d have a hard time from his school friends that would rival anything Lawson did.

He drew in a deep breath and got slowly to his feet.

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 18

 

 

“No, I’m sorry Adam. This is something you will have to ask your father to sign,”  Marie said, softly.

They were standing in the kitchen and the letter from Mr Lawson outlining his prank and his subsequent caning was resting on the table between them.  The caning hadn’t been too bad, although his left hand still hurt a bit.  Ross had owned up, too, and Lawson had shared the punishment between them.  What worried him was the letter which Mr Lawson had given him exactly as he had promised; he had to take it back tomorrow with one of his parent’s signatures.

“Come on, please, Marie?” he wheedled.  “Lawson never said it had to be Pa, he just said one of your parents.”

Marie tried to hide her smile but was not entirely successful. “Oh, I’m your mother now, am I?” she responded, making Adam blush a deep red and drop his eyes to the floor.  “And it s Mr Lawson, please.  I’ll not stand for disrespect, however cross you are.”

“I’m sorry.  Please sign it for me?”  Adam’s stomach had developed a definite sinking feeling; this wasn’t working.

Marie shook her head.  ‘You give this to your father as soon as he comes in for supper.  Now go and get your chores done or you ll make matters worse.’

Adam went out into the yard grumbling under his breath. Marie smiled, as she looked after him.  Ben had been right, he had been up to something. Now that she was alone, she could allow her laughter to bubble up. “Oh, I wish I could have seen it,” she chuckled to herself.

“Seen what?” Ben had come in from the living room and he put his arms around her.

“This.” Marie showed him the letter.

He read it over her shoulder and smiled.  “I knew something was going on.  I hope you managed to keep a straight face when Adam was here. I wouldn’t want that young man getting the idea that we think his pranks are funny.”

Marie turned around in his arms and gave him a quick kiss. “I promise I was very serious. Although, the suggestion that I could sign it because I was one of his parents, was almost more than I could take without laughing.”

Ben gasped and grinned. “He said that?”

Marie nodded. “Amazing what a little guilt can do.  After almost two years of trying to deny my existence, I conveniently become his mother because it suits his purpose”’

“What did you say?” Ben asked, laughing out loud.

“Not too much, but I think he saw my point,” she replied. “What are you going to do about this?” she indicated the letter again.

“I’ll have a word with our son tonight but before I decide on whether he deserves any further punishment I’ll ride over and speak to Paul.  I think he and Ross should both be treated the same.”

 

Adam sat on his bed and stared at the door.  He knew Marie had shown Pa the letter but he had been made to wait all evening to learn his fate.  He had sat silently at supper warily eyeing his father but nothing had been said.  He had done his homework at the dining room table and still his father had not mentioned the letter.  He had watched while Marie read stories to Hoss and rocked Little Joe to sleep, and all the time the tension in his stomach was building to a point where he almost begged his father to say something.  Finally, he had been told it was bedtime and only then did he learn that Pa was coming up to his room to talk to him.  He jumped to his feet as the door swung open and his father entered the room.

“I believe you want me to sign this?” Ben said sternly waving the letter under his son’s nose.

Adam swallowed hard and nodded. “I have to take it back to Mr Lawson tomorrow.”

Ben nodded and pursed his lips. “Mr Lawson has already punished you for this silly prank, I understand.”

“Yes, sir.  He caned us,” Adam said slowly, hoping that was going to be enough.

“Have you apologised to the young lady?” Ben asked.

Adam looked surprised. “No…, sir.”

Ben frowned.  “Then you will do so tomorrow before school.  You will also apologise to Mr Lawson for your misbehaviour.  Is that clear?”

Adam hesitated for a moment; he hated apologising for his words or deeds, and to have to apologise to Louise for a second time in three weeks was galling.

“Did you hear me?” Ben snapped.

“Yes, sir,” Adam muttered sullenly.

Ben leaned against the bureau and signed the letter, handing it to his son. “I’ll speak to Mr Marquette tomorrow and discuss with him whether we consider your punishment at school sufficient.”  He turned to go out of the door but stopped with his hand on the knob. “And next time you have a letter for me I don’t expect to receive it from Marie because you think she will go easier on you.  I can promise you that she won’t.”

 

The following morning Ben rode over to the Marquette ranch.  In addition to discussing the behaviour of their sons, he wanted to talk to Paul about his new herd.  The two of them spent the first hour looking over some wild horses Paul had rounded up and discussing how Ben could get his herd moved from California to the Washoe Valley.  Finally, Paul suggested coffee and Ben gratefully accepted.

“I thought you’d never ask,” he said.

Paul smiled and slapped him on the back. “You’ve known me long enough to suggest it yourself.”

They made their way over to the house and Alice brought in coffee and sat down to join them.

Ben sipped his coffee and broached the other subject of his visit. “I take it you got a letter yesterday from John Lawson about our offspring,” he said with a faint smile.

Paul nodded and grinned.  “I wish I could have been there to see it.  Sounds a lot like me at that age.”

Alice frowned. “Paul, it’s not funny.  Ross is supposed to be in school to learn,” she snapped.

“Aw, come on, Alice.  All boys get up to mischief in school.  I certainly did, and I bet Ben did, too.”

Ben glanced from one to the other. “Yes, I did, Paul, but although my father probably felt as we do, he certainly never let me know he found any of my misdemeanours funny.  The question is, do we let John’s punishment be the only one?”

Paul shrugged. “They’ve been punished and, after all, no one was hurt except maybe those two from the caning.  I had a talk with Ross last night; I don’t think he’ll get up to any more pranks for a while at least.”

Ben gave him a relieved smile. “That’s what I thought, too,  but I didn’t want Adam getting let off more lightly than Ross, particularly as I suspect my young son was the instigator of this one”’  He leaned over towards the coffee pot. “Do you mind if I have another cup, Alice?  It s very good coffee.”

Alice smiled. “Help yourself, Ben.  I should have offered but I think of you as part of the family, not a guest.”

Ben poured a second cup and took a sip. “Talking of guests, I want to thank you for putting up with Adam every Saturday for the past couple of months.  He gets a little lonely with only Hoss to play with.”

Paul and Alice both looked startled, then Paul’s eyes narrowed and he shook his head briefly.

“I was going to say the same thing to you, but it sounds as if we’ve both been fooled,” he said, his voice beginning to show anger.

“What do you mean?”  Ben said, puzzled at Paul’s words and expression.

“Adam hasn’t been here for ages.”  He waited for this information to percolate around in his friend’s brain. “Am I right in assuming that despite what we’ve been told, Ross hasn’t been with you either?”

It took Ben a moment to take this information in, but when he did his anger was considerably greater than Paul’s. “No, Ross hasn’t been over for a long time.” He paused and tried to control his temper. “So the two of them having been deceiving us for a couple of months, have they?”

“It sure sounds like it,” Paul replied. “Ross knows I won’t allow him to ride around in the mountains with all this Indian trouble!  Obviously the two of them decided to lie to cover up where they were going.”

“I knew he was up to something, he’s been far too quiet and obliging lately,” Ben said almost to himself. “I thought it was only mischief in school but this…” his voice tailed off.

“I don’t know about you, Ben, but whatever they’ve been doing is beside the point, I don’t like being lied to and young Ross is going to find out pretty quick that I won’t stand for it.”

Ben nodded.   “I feel the same way, Paul.  Adam knows that whatever else he may or may not do, I expect the truth.  I don’t think you or Ross will be seeing much of him for quite some time.”

 

Ben rode home thinking over what he had learned at the Marquette’s.  He didn’t know what had come over Adam lately.  When things had calmed down between Adam and Marie he had assumed his troubles were over, but in the past few months there had been  temper tantrums followed by bouts of sullen silence and now, to cap it all, he was lying to him.  Ben thought back to when he had been approaching fourteen and allowed a wry smile to touch his lips.  He could recall fighting his father at every turn to be allowed to give up school and go to sea.  Maybe Adam wasn’t so different.  For a moment he relaxed then he recalled the lies and his temper rose again.  No, that he would not tolerate!

 

Adam and Ross rode home from school together oblivious to the reception awaiting them.  They had both made an effort to pay attention today and were feeling quite virtuous.

“If you come by my place now, I can return those books I borrowed,” Ross said as they approached the turning to the Marquette ranch.

Adam hesitated.  “I dunno, I ought to get home.  Pa was pretty mad last night about the frogs and I’ve got chores to do before supper.”

“Come on, it won’t take long and I can show you those new horses Pa caught.  I’m kinda hoping he might let me choose one for my own,” Ross said wistfully.

Adam nodded. “Yeah, alright. Hey, do you think there might be a horse there that Pa would buy for me?  I want one I can train myself and most of those we have are already trained by someone else.”

The two boys discussed horses for the remainder of the journey and went straight to the corral when they reached the Marquette ranch.  They were both leaning on the rail discussing the merits of the various horses when Paul Marquette approached them.

Adam saw him first and was a little worried at his obviously angry expression. “Hello, Mr Marquette,” he said a little nervously.

Ross spoke cheerfully as he turned around. “Hi Pa…,” then faltered when he saw his father’s face.

“I want words with you, young man,” Paul said sharply.

Ross glanced at Adam. “What’s wrong, Pa?”

“Mr Cartwright came over this morning.  Among other things, he wanted to thank me for allowing Adam to spend Saturdays over here.”

To his right, Ross heard his friend’s sharp intake of breath and he felt his own heart beating faster.

Paul fixed them both with a stern stare. “Funny! I was going to thank him for allowing you to spend Saturdays on the Ponderosa. I think the two of you have some explaining to do about just what you have been doing.”  He glared at them both. “I think you’d better get on home, Adam.  I’m sure your Pa will want to talk to you.” He pointed towards the house.  “Ross, get inside.”

Ross began to walk toward the house with his head down but not before he had given his friend an angry look.   Adam knew that Ross would blame him for this; it had been his idea.

 

The ride home was uncomfortable.  Adam’s stomach was doing somersaults.  He had no illusions about what would be waiting for him.  Lying was something Pa wouldn’t tolerate; lying to cover up some mischief after the event was bad enough, but this had been planned and Pa would skin him alive.

The nearer he got to home the slower he went until he had almost decided not to go home at all.  He sighed.  That was no answer; he’d have to face the music sometime, and it might as well be soon.  What was it Pa said?   ‘The hurt you feel when you tell the truth is shorter and less painful than the hurt you feel when you don’t face the truth’   Well, it was sure gonna be painful anyway you looked at it.

He finally rode into the yard and glanced cautiously around.  His father was nowhere in sight.  He led his pony into the barn and began to unsaddle him.  He was hauling the heavy saddle on to the dividing wall between the stalls when his younger brother rushed in.

“What you bin doin’ to make Pa so mad?” Hoss asked breathlessly, not even offering a greeting.

Adam bit his lip. “Why? What makes you think he’s mad at me?” he said softly, his heart beating faster.

Hoss shrugged.  “He was telling Mama somethin’ about you and Ross and he was real angry.  What d you do?” he asked with a smug smile.

Adam sighed and leaned against the stall.  “I lied to him,” he said wearily.

His younger brother gasped; he was well aware of the import of those words, suddenly he was no longer smug at his brother s misfortune; he was fearful for him.

“He s gonna kill you!”

“Don’t be stupid,” Adam snapped, although he knew Hoss wasn’t far wrong.

They both looked up as Marie’s voice called, “Hoss!” from the porch.

Hoss jumped. “I gotta go. I’m supposed to be getting some wood.” He rushed off leaving his older brother staring after him.

Adam finished off his chores as meticulously as he could, putting off the moment when he would have to go inside.  Finally, he could stall no longer and he walked slowly across the yard and into the house.  The room was empty and he quickly made for the stairs; he breathed a huge sigh of relief when he reached his room and closed the door.  He sat down on his bed and rested his head in his hands.   He tried to recall exactly what he had said to his father way back when this whole thing got started. Was there any way that he could extricate himself from this mess.  It was so long ago now that he couldn’t remember his words.  He knew he had said he was going to visit Ross.  Well, that had been true as far as it went.  And they had done some studying one Saturday when there had been a test on the following Monday.  He sighed, that wouldn’t work.  Even if there had been no direct lie, he had intended to deceive his father and that would be the only thing that mattered.

He jumped to his feet as the door opened and he saw his father filling the doorway.  He looked quietly furious and Adam waited for him to speak.  When he did his voice was deep and quiet and somehow harder to bear than if he had been yelling.

“I spoke to Mr Marquette today.  It would seem you have a few things to tell me.”

There was an ominous silence during which Adam stared hard at the floor wishing it would swallow him up.  He hated it when Pa put things that way, asking for information rather than telling you what he knew.  It was all too easy to own up to mischief that he didn’t know anything about.  In addition to spending Saturdays by the Lake,  he had spent time with the Bonner brothers and with Young Wolf, neither of which he wanted Pa to know about.  If he said nothing and then it turned out Pa knew, he would be in even more trouble.  Hell, he thought wretchedly I can’t be in much more than I already am.

“I’m waiting, Adam.”

Adam swallowed hard. It was strange: when Pa was mad at Hoss he called him Erik.  There was no alternative to his name, but it still sounded different when Pa was angry.

“I guess you know I didn’t go to the Marquette’s on Saturday?” he said, softly.

Ben nodded.  “Precisely which Saturday are you referring to”  he said sarcastically.

Adam glanced up at him then wished he hadn’t; his father had his hands on his hips and his expression was one of cold fury.

“I haven’t been there any Saturday,” he reluctantly admitted.

“And just where have you been?”

Adam looked around the room as if seeking inspiration or an interruption that would end this conversation.  “We mostly went to the Lake”’

“I thought I told you that I didn’t want you up there at the moment?  It s too dangerous for you two alone in those mountains.” Ben dropped his hands to his sides and then rested one hand on his belt buckle.

The gesture was enough to make Adam close his eyes in silent prayer.  This was one of those times when he hoped praying would help him.

“You not only disobeyed me, you lied to me.  Isn’t that so?” Ben said sharply.

Adam’s chin was almost on his chest and his voice barely audible as he whispered, “Yes, sir.”

“I can’t hear you.  Look at me when I speak to you.” Ben ordered.

Adam raised his head and tried to meet his father’s eyes.  It seemed as if those dark eyes so like his own could see right into his soul.  ‘Yes, sir,’ he repeated a little more loudly.

“You’re almost fourteen; I ought to be able to trust you.  I can’t do that if you lie and deceive me. As the eldest I should be able to rely on you to be responsible, to set an example for your younger brothers.”

Adam lifted his head slightly and rolled his eyes; Pa was into his lecturing mood and he had heard this speech before.  His gesture wasn’t lost on his father.

“You’re also old enough to know better than to make that face when I m talking to you.  I won’t stand for your insolence any more than I will stand for your lies.  Is that clear?”

Adam realised he should have been more careful.  “Yes, sir.” he muttered, staring at the pattern on the rug, knowing he had now made things much worse.

“We have had this discussion on more than one occasion.  Now I want to know exactly what you’ve been doing.  When I went to San Francisco I said you were confined to the ranch.  Did you disobey me?”

It was obvious that the only thing Pa knew about was his deception with Ross and Adam considered keeping it that way.  He glanced up again and his father’s expression told him that any more lies would not be wise.  He nodded.

“I went to the Lake with Rick and Jeff when I should have been at the logging camp,” he said quietly, “and I … I sneaked out a couple of nights with Young Wolf.”

Ben closed his eyes and drew in his breath sharply. “You what?”

There was a pause and Adam wasn’t sure whether he should repeat what he had just said, but he decided that it wasn’t necessary and he continued to look at his boots.

“Look at me!” Ben demanded. He waited until Adam lifted his head and met his angry glare.

“You went out with Young Wolf after our last conversation?  You were confined to the ranch because you sneaked out to meet him and the moment my back is turned you defy me?  Do you have any idea how many settlers have died at the hands of the Shoshone in the last month?”

Adam resisted the temptation to point out that Young Wolf was not Shoshone, he didn’t think it would help his predicament.

“Every time you see Young Wolf he learns a bit more about this ranch or about our neighbours, information he could pass on to others.  If he found out that I was away, or the hands were away, you could be putting your mother and brothers in danger not to mention yourself.”

“That’s crazy!  Young Wolf is my friend.  He wouldn’t do anything to harm us!” Adam retorted angrily.

The minute the words left his mouth he knew he should have kept quiet, or at least phrased it better.  Ben moved towards him his eyes blazing.

“Young Wolf will do whatever his Chief tells him to do.  Paiute children obey their parents and their Chief, which is more than I can expect from you, it seems,” said Ben grimly.   “Since my words don’t seem to have any effect on you, we’ll see what a tanning can achieve!”

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 19

 

 

Marie began taking down the plates from the shelf and stacking them, ready to take into the dining room.  One hand was occupied with this chore while the other held Joe, who was trying desperately to pull the pins from her hair.  She carried both plates and baby into the dining room and having finished setting the table for supper she took Joe over to the blue velvet chair by the fireplace.  Hoss was poking the logs on the fire and staring into the flames.

“I think its warm enough without making it burn hotter, sweetie.” Marie said quietly. She knew Hoss was worrying about his brother.  All had gone silent some minutes ago and she wondered how long it would be before Ben came downstairs.  She agreed with her husband that Adam must be taught to obey and to tell the truth but she wished there was some other way.  She couldn’t help feeling sorry for her stepson at this moment; from what she had heard; Ben had not been easy on him.

She bent down and picked up one of Hoss’ lead soldiers from the floor and held it out to him. “You’d better collect these up before supper, I don’t want Joe putting them in his mouth,” she said absently, glancing upwards as she heard Adam’s door open and close and footsteps along the hallway.

Hoss looked up, too, and then hurriedly began gathering the soldiers and putting them into their wooden box.  They had belonged to Adam, a present from his grandfather and they were now chipped and battered from much playing at battles and from their travels across the country.

Ben came slowly down the stairs and sank down on the settee holding his arms out for Marie to hand him Joe.  She disentangled her young son’s fingers from her hair and passed him over, then began pinning her curls back in place.

“Supper’s almost ready.  Hop Sing said ten minutes.”  She got to her feet and walked behind the settee reaching down to massage Ben’s shoulders. She knew he needed support at this moment to confirm that he was right, no matter how angry he got with the boys he always felt guilty when he punished them.

“Is Adam coming down to eat?” she asked casually.

Ben nodded and dodged Joe’s fingers as he tried to pull his father’s hair. “Yes, he’ll be down for supper”’

“He’ll be fine,” she said softly.  “He won’t go up there again and the raids are well north of here.  Please don’t worry.”

Hop Sing bustled in with steaming dishes and Marie moved toward the table. “Hoss, go give your brother a call.”

Hoss glanced at his father as if checking that this was alright but Ben was concentrating on Joe.

“Come on, young man.  Let’s see if we can get you to eat something,” he said, moving to his chair and seating Joe on his lap.

Adam followed Hoss slowly down the stairs and across to the table with his head on his chest, not looking at anyone.  Marie held her breath as he slid carefully into his chair, then tried not to show any concern when he glanced up and she saw that he’d been crying.  She began to pick up the plates and dish out the beef stew that Hop Sing had prepared, handing Ben his own and a small portion for Joe, then serving Adam.

“Thank you,”  he said almost inaudibly as she placed the plate in front of him.

The meal was eaten in silence by the two older children; Adam because he had nothing to say and couldn’t trust his voice at the moment, and Hoss because he was scared his father was still angry.  Joe provided the relief by refusing to eat more than a few spoonfuls and then tipping the bowl upside down onto the table cloth.

Ben shook his head in despair. “Maybe you ought to handle this one, I’m obviously not too good at it.  Out of practice, I guess.”

He got up and handed Joe to Marie, who cleaned him up and made a further attempt to get more stew into him than onto him,  having a little more success than Ben had done.

Hoss had grinned at Joe’s antics but sobered up when he saw his father look at him. “I’ll have you know I had no trouble feeding you,” Ben smiled, ruffling Hoss’ hair as he went back to his chair.  He glanced at his oldest son. “Nor Adam either.  I don’t think you’ve ever refused food unless you’ve been ill, and when Adam was small it was often in short supply, so we both ate everything in case the next meal was a long time coming, eh Adam?”

Adam didn’t raise his head but he did give a slight nod.  He didn’t want to be drawn into a conversation; he wanted this meal to be over.  He was embarrassed and he was hurting and he wanted to go back to his room.  He was surprised and relieved when there was a loud knock at the door.  Without being told he got up to answer it.

“Hello, Mr Hammond.  Come on in,” he said when he saw their neighbour standing on the porch.

“Chad, what brings you over this late?” Ben had followed Adam to the door when he heard his greeting.

“Howdy, Ben.” Chad took off his hat and came inside. “Marie,” he nodded in the direction of the table.  “I’m sorry to disturb you at your meal, Ben, but I’m riding around some of the ranches to warn folks.”

“Warn us about what?” Ben asked with a worried frown.

Chad glanced at Hoss.

Ben saw the question in Chad’s eyes and nodded. “Adam, take your brother upstairs, please.”

Adam wanted to stay to hear what was being said, but one look at his father made him obey instantly and he half pushed Hoss up the stairs.  He waited until Hoss was inside his room then closed the door noisily and crept back to the top of the staircase to listen.

Chad had lowered his voice and Adam had to strain to hear.

“There’ve been some more raids, further south this time.  Two farms over towards Mormon Station wiped out, ten dead including some little ones and…,” he hesitated and rubbed his cheek with a rough hand “…the Shaughnessy place was hit.  Kathleen’s alright.  She wasn’t in the house, she was getting some logs and she managed to get away and hide down by the stream.  But Brian’s dead.”

Marie gasped and Ben took a deep breath.  “Oh, my God.”

“Shoshone  they cut him up pretty bad.  Kathleen’s with Alice, but she ain’t making much sense.  Seems she saw it all and then walked all the way to Mormon Station.  Some folks there worked out that she knew the Marquettes and brought her up here in a wagon and then set about warning folks.”

“If they are raiding that far south they’ll be back here sometime soon,” Ben said thoughtfully.  “I’ll keep the men around the yard as much as possible.”

Chad nodded.  “I’d better be on my way.  There’s still a few families I ain’t got around to yet.”  He moved to the door.

“Will you and Tom be alright alone up on that damn mountain”  Ben said sharply.

“We got a ranch to run, Ben, and no family to worry about,” he said softly. “You make sure you take care of Marie and them young’uns.”

Marie waited until the door closed then put her free arm around her husband, holding on to both him and her son as if she could keep them safe by that method alone.

“Will they come here?”  she asked her voice trembling.

Ben shook his head. “I don’t know.  At first there was some sense to the raids.  They were after horses, cattle, food to make up for what the white man has taken from the hills but now it has become a war of vengeance.  Did you know some trappers raided a village on the other side of Truckee and killed dozens of Indian women and children?”

Marie shook her head, holding Joe closer to her, causing him to struggle against being held so tightly.

“Why would anyone want to kill children?”

A slight sound in the upstairs hallway alerted Ben to Adam’s presence and he moved to the bottom of the stairs.

“Adam! Come down here, now,” he said sharply.

Adam slowly moved to the top of the stairs. He was in more trouble now, eavesdropping on his parent’s conversation and disobeying his father yet again.  Ben waited until his son was standing in front of him.

“I thought I told you to take your brother upstairs?”

Adam nodded.  “I did, Pa,” he said, pleased he could answer honestly.

In spite of the seriousness of the situation, Ben had to admit Adam was right.  He had done exactly as he had been told and a slight smile caught at the corners of Ben’s mouth.

“Since you heard what happened, you know how important it is for you and Hoss to stay close to the house.  I want the two of you to keep within the yard and stay together when you are outside.  Is that understood?”

“Yes, sir.  How long will it be before I can go back to school?” he asked.  Having just discovered the fun and knowledge to be had at school, Adam was reluctant to give it up.

Ben put an arm around his shoulder. “I don’t know, son. Let’s hope that with the warmer weather and more food available to the Shoshone they will go back into the mountains.  I’ll go up and explain to Hoss.”

Marie watched him go and then moved to the fire. “Are you alright?” she asked Adam.

“Yeah, I can see now why Pa was so mad at me.  I didn’t think the Shoshone would raid down here.  Do you think Mrs Shaughnessy will be alright” he asked moving over to stand beside his stepmother and reaching out to take Joe from her.

“In time, I’m sure she will.  Losing someone close to you is hard but watching them die must be terrible.  Thank God I’ve never had that happen to me,” she said quietly, lost in thoughts of Kathleen.

She didn’t see Adam bury his head in Joe’s dress; she had completely forgotten that he had watched Inger die at the hands of  the Cheyenne.

“I’ll take Joe to bed then I think I’ll turn in,” he said very softly.

 

The scream that split the darkness woke the whole household.  Ben jumped from his bed and grabbed his rifle which he had taken into the bedroom with him tonight.  He made it to Adam’s room in seconds not knowing what he would find.  To his relief everything seemed to be in order except that his son was sitting bolt upright in bed his face white and tears on his cheeks.  Marie was close behind him and she went straight to the bed and took Adam in her arms and hugged him.

“Sh… sh… it’s just a nightmare.  Everything is alright,” she soothed, as she rocked him gently.  She turned to Ben. “See if the boys are alright, bring them into our room.  I think we’d all feel better if we were together”

Adam’s colour was returning slowly, but he was still distressed and now embarrassed.  He was almost fourteen, too old for nightmares and tears, but the images wouldn’t go away.

Marie released him and fetched his robe. “Come on, let’s all get into one room.  Then we can look after each other.”

Adam wasn’t sure he wanted his brother to know how scared he had been, but he moved  automatically as if he had no will of his own.  “I’ll be alright,”  he muttered.

“Sure, you will.  Do you want to talk about it?  Maybe telling me would help,” Marie said softly, keeping her arm around him as they walked to her bedroom.

Adam shook his head. “I can’t remember anything,” he lied. That scene was so painful, so personal he couldn’t share it with anyone, least of all with Marie.

 

For the next week, no one moved outside the yard unless they were able to do so in large groups and, even then, it was only for essential work.   Slowly life returned to something approaching normality as there were no more raids.  Ben and Jake rode to the Marquette’s and brought back news of Kathleen.  She was recovering from her experience and now found it a release to talk about it a little.  Ben had never liked Brian that much but he wouldn’t have wished that kind of death on his worst enemy.

After two weeks with no activity they began to relax, but Ben would still not allow Adam to ride to school.  He did his lessons at the dining room table with his brothers around him.

Marie tried to encourage Hoss to join in the lessons but he preferred to play with Joe

“If you’re gonna play, do something quiet,” Adam yelled one afternoon.  He was trying to solve some particularly difficult arithmetic problems and Joe’s shrieks of laughter and Hoss’ loud voice were distracting him.

Ben was in the barn with Jake and most of the other hands were a few miles away preparing the corral for branding the new herd.  Hop Sing was in the kitchen and Adam could hear him whistling tunelessly.  Marie glanced up from her sewing and smiled.

“Hoss, why don’t you come and sit by me and I’ll read a story,” she said, lifting Joe from the floor.  She waited until Hoss was sitting comfortably in his father’s chair then she placed Joe on his knee.  She chose a book from the shelf and began to read.  The sound of his mother’s voice soon lulled Joe to sleep and Marie peeped at Adam over the book and winked. He grinned back at her relieved that he could now concentrate.

She was seated opposite the dining room window and as she went to look down at the book again she saw a slight movement outside.  It was no more than a glimpse  but she knew what she had seen, and she gasped.  For a moment she was frozen then she reacted with basic maternal instinct; grabbing baby Joe and Hoss, she threw them to the floor behind the chair heedless of Joe’s cries.

“Adam, get down! she yelled.  Before the sound of her voice had died there was a yell from outside and the sound of gunfire.

Adam had no idea what Marie had seen but he guessed.  He dived across the room towards the gun rack, then completed the move by crawling.  He reached up and took down his rifle, grabbing the ammunition from the drawer below.  Once the rifle was loaded he crawled to the dining room window again, breaking the glass to give himself a good view.  What he saw filled him with terror.  Shoshone, maybe twenty or thirty of them.  They were firing arrows towards the house and the front yard and some of them were tipped with cloth which had been set alight.  As far as he could see most were falling short at the moment but that would soon be remedied.  The gunshots were coming from the front yard; that must be his father and Jake. Firing from the kitchen must be Hop Sing, he thought, he’d never seen the little Chinaman handle a gun but obviously he kept one. He gave his father a brief thought, the barn was a much more dangerous place to be if it caught fire.

He fired and re-loaded as fast as he could but he knew it would never be enough.  His aim was poor, the targets were moving too fast.  When he did hit one of the braves and saw him fall, his heart pounded.  He had never shot anyone before and the sensation was terrifying.  He might have killed a man.  The thought that the Indian was trying to kill him did nothing to ease the feeling.

Marie made sure that Hoss and Joe were as safe as they could be tucked into the corner by the fireplace, shielded by the chair.  She had placed Joe carefully in his older brother s arms, then briefly stroked Hoss  cheek reassuringly.  Once she was sure there was nothing else she could do to protect them she took down a rifle and loaded it, making for the window at the other end of the house.  Adam half saw the movement out of the corner of his eye and for a second he saw blonde hair not dark and he closed his eyes in fear.  From the window Marie could see the barn door and the flashes that told her Ben and Jake were firing from there across the yard.  She glimpsed Ben trying to risk a run across to the house and she mentally urged him to go back; he would be killed if he tried to make it to them!

To her relief she heard more guns firing, the hands must have heard the battle and were heading back.  She moved to the front window to give more help.  Adam moved up alongside her and together they fired at the Indians in the yard.  The sound of more guns had disturbed the raiders and they threw open the corral gate to run off the horses and then began to follow them towards the hills.  The whole incident couldn’t have lasted more than twenty minutes but it felt like a lifetime.

Marie and Adam stopped firing and when the door was thrown open Marie fell into her husband’s arms.

“Are you all alright?” he gasped, holding her so tightly that she couldn’t breath.

“We’re fine,” she said, tears streaming down her face.

Ben looked across at Adam. He was standing very still, the rifle still in his hand; his face was drained of all colour and he seemed to be staring into the fire.  Marie followed her husband’s glance and saw the same scene.  Suddenly the last piece of the jigsaw puzzle of her stepson’s nightmares fell into place.

Adam was staring at Hoss who was still hugging Joe to his chest, but he wasn’t seeing Hoss, or at least not the seven-year-old; he was seeing himself holding his baby brother while he watched Inger die.

Marie moved swiftly to his side, and turned him to her, both hands on his cheeks to force him to meet her eyes. “I’m fine, and so is the baby. Do you understand?” she asked softly. “You protected us.  You made sure nothing could harm us”’

Ben looked puzzled at her words.  He was even more puzzled when Adam put his arm around his stepmother and began to cry. “I couldn’t… I was too small…”

Marie held him tightly and let him cry.  She indicated to Ben that he should take Hoss and Joe away and she gave all her attention to her stepson.

“Inger gave you Hoss to look after, didn’t she?  She trusted you to take care of him and you did.  You protected your baby brother”

Marie could see that her words were beginning to have an effect on him; his body was slowly relaxing in her arms.

“Inger loved you very much; she wanted to protect you.  Her death wasn’t your fault. You did what she asked.  She would have been proud of you then and today when you defended her son  again.”  She put her hand under his chin again and made him look up at her.   “You have nothing to feel guilty about.  You can’t carry the world. Adam.  Leave that to your parents for a while, and enjoy being a boy.  The cares will come soon enough,” she said softly.

He relaxed against her and slowly the tears abated.

 

Hours later when the boys were in bed, the three dead Indians buried and the one injured ranch hand treated, Marie curled herself up on Ben’s knee.

“This feels good,” she said, kissing his cheek. “There were times this afternoon when I wasn’t sure we were ever going to be together again.”

Ben unpinned her hair and ran his fingers through it. “What was all that about with Adam?  He seemed very upset.”

Marie looked at him searchingly. Was she going to hurt him by telling what she believed?  She took a deep breath and tried to explain.

“The nightmares Adam has, when did they start?” she asked gently.

Ben frowned.  “Oh I don’t know.  Years ago, when he was about six or… seven,” he paused and looked at her.  “Not long after Inger died,” he said, sadly nodding his head. “That’s what he meant wasn’t it?  He was too small to help.”

Marie nodded. “I think so. Today he could defend us; he could protect me and the baby in a way that he hadn’t been able to protect her.  Seeing Hoss holding Joe just as he must have held Hoss all those years ago must have brought it all back to him.  I think he’s always known what the nightmare is, he just couldn’t tell you for fear of hurting you. He couldn’t tell me because he can’t talk to me about Inger; he loved her so much and I’m a very poor substitute.”

“Don’t say that, it s not true.  He does love you, he’s not very good at showing it, that’s all,” Ben said softly. “Do you think the nightmares will go away now that he’s faced them?  I suppose I should have known, but when they started I was too busy coping with nightmares of my own.”

Marie sighed.” ‘I don’t know if it’s that simple, but I hope so.  You know, that little boy has had a pretty tough time.  He needs to learn how to just be a child for a while.”

“I guess that’s my fault. When it was just the two of us I tended to treat him as an adult, then when Inger died I relied on him to help me with Hoss.  I suppose he’s never really had a childhood,” Ben mused, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

“I wish he’d let me get closer to him. I mean, to really be a mother for him.”

Ben smiled.  “I think you’re doing very well.  You understand him better than I do. I’m sure you two will find a way to make it work one day.”

Marie relaxed against his chest. “I hope so.  And I hope it won’t be too late.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 20

 

 

Adam could hear the rain drumming on the barn roof and it gave him a warm, secure feeling to be in the hayloft tucked away in the corner with his book.  He moved a little nearer to the opening to catch the last of the afternoon light; with the dark clouds hanging overhead it was becoming difficult to see the print.  He debated lighting the lantern but decided against it.  For one thing it would tell his stepmother where he was; and for another, Pa would skin him alive if he caught him striking matches in the barn.

Marie had called him several times during the afternoon but he had ignored her.  He’d completed his regular chores this morning and was not about to acquire extra ones while there was a new book to be devoured.  Mr Lawson had loaned him a book about railroads and steam engines and he was feverishly making notes with the intention of building his own engine.  He was sure that by using the forge he could make the pieces he needed but it would be very delicate work and it would have to be done when Pa wasn’t around; he would say it was a waste of time.  Since the arrival of the herd there always seemed to be more work to do than there were hands to do it.

A movement in the barn below made him snap the book shut and hide it with his notebook under the hay.  He kept very still and quiet, hoping that who ever it was would go away.  He had one more chapter to finish and he wanted to read it before his evening chores.  He heard feet on the ladder and a voice calling his name.  Maybe if he kept still Hoss would go away.

“Adam!  Adam!  Are you hidin’ up here?” Hoss called again. “Mama’s looking for you and she’s gettin’ cross!”

Hoss had now reached the top rung and was leaning over the edge.  He spotted his brother in the corner and grinned. “You’re gonna get it when Mama catches you,” he said smugly.  Since Adam had been meeting the Bonners, he had refused to spend time with his little brothers, and in Hoss’ opinion he was getting too big for his boots. Hoss decided that he wanted to see him in trouble.

Adam got lazily to his feet and sauntered to the top of the ladder. “I s’pose you told her I was here,” he glared down at his little brother.

Hoss began to back down the ladder and Adam followed him, jumping the last few steps to put himself  between Hoss and the barn door.

“Well, did you” he demanded, poking Hoss in the chest.

“What if I did?” Hoss said defiantly.  “Whatcha gonna do about it”’

“Teach you not to tell tales.” Adam pushed him hard in the chest making Hoss step back into the straw.  He pushed him again, this time tripping him as he stepped back. “You mind your own business and keep your mouth shut about me, understand,” Adam threatened, towering over him.

Hoss moved surprisingly quickly and dived at his brother, bringing them both down into the straw.  They rolled over and over almost ending up under the hoofs of Sable, their stepmother’s mare.  Sable was a little unpredictable and  she began to stamp around the stall, disturbed by the fight going on so near to her and her colt.

“Cut it out!” a voice yelled and a hand descended on each of them, hauling them to their feet by their collars.  “Now, what’s all this about?” Jake shouted as he parted them.

“Nuthin’,” said Adam sullenly.

Jake looked from one to the other.  “You wanna fight, you do it outside away from the horses.  But if you take my advice I wouldn’t let your Pa catch you at it.” He released Hoss and then swung Adam around to face him. “You get yourself inside to your Ma. She’s been yelling for you for hours.  It’s almost time both of you were doing your chores, in any case.”

Adam shook himself free.  Despite his new relationship with Marie it still irked him when anyone referred to her as his mother.  Jake was right about one thing, though; they had better not let Pa catch them fighting.  Pa was still up with the herd in the north pasture and Jake seemed to be giving the orders far too often for Adam’s liking.  Adam had tried to slip away to meet up with Young Wolf  on several occasions, but when Pa was away Jake seemed watch him like a hawk.  Adam wanted to know why the Shoshone raids had stopped.  There had been only one since their visit to the Ponderosa, and it had been quiet enough for him to resume school for the last two weeks of the session.

The summer vacation was boring.  He had no excuse to ride into town and Ross was still angry with him, blaming Adam for his punishment.  He had invited Rick and Jeff over for a few days but then Marie had banned them after she found the three of them on the barn roof.  There was no excitement and he was reduced to trying to teach Joe to climb stairs, another pastime which, if discovered, would bring Marie’s wrath down on his head.  Since Joe had begun to walk unaided a few weeks back Marie had spent her time rescuing him from one dangerous situation after another.  Adam grinned; his little brother could sure find the most aggravating places to go and could have the most spectacular tantrums when he was thwarted.

“Where on earth have you been hiding?” Marie stormed at him the minute he opened the door.

“Why?  Did you want me” he shrugged.

“You know perfectly well I did!  You heard me calling you, didn’t you?” she snapped, well aware of his evasive tactics.

 

“I’m here now.  What did you want?” He lowered himself into his father’s chair and stretched his long legs out in front of him lazily.  He was at an age when he appeared to be all arms and legs and usually it embarrassed him into stooping or moving slowly but right now he took advantage of his height to stretch out.

His insolent manner inflamed her already short temper. “Get up” Her eyes blazed at him and he wondered what she would do if he took no notice.

He was still debating whether to obey or not when she grabbed his arm and hauled him to his feet.  He was shocked; he had forgotten how strong she was.

“I want the logs brought in, I want the rest of your chores done and then, if you are going to continue this behaviour, I want you in your room, out of my sigh”’

He was as tall as she was but something about her presence made him feel shorter.  He shrugged dismissively.  “Ok, I’m going.”

Marie watched him saunter to the door. “And don’t take all night over it, or I’ll take a switch to you.”

The thought brought a smile to his face but it died when she saw it and moved toward him, her eyes blazing, and he realised that she meant exactly what she said.  He hurriedly went out, slamming the door behind him for effect.

Marie sighed.  Why did he always get like this when Ben was away?  She could answer her own question: despite what she had just said, she wasn’t sure enough of her authority over her stepson and he knew it.  Hoss obeyed because it was in his nature to please but Adam was trying out his father’s limits as well as hers and at the moment, at least, he seemed to be winning the battle with her.

She turned around to check on Little Joe and froze.  He’d been playing quietly by the settee with some building blocks, but now was nowhere to be seen.  A flash of white caught her eye and she looked upwards then closed her eyes in horror. She tried to move quickly but she knew that it would not be quickly enough.  Joe was attempting to stand up straight while precariously balanced on the half landing of the stairs.  His bare feet had caught in the hem of his dress and he tumbled;  it was only about two steps before Marie caught him but it was enough to make him yell.

“Now who taught you to climb stairs?” Marie muttered as she clutched him to her and soothed his tears.

“Adam did,” said a spiteful little voice from the dining room. Hoss was mad at his older brother and this seemed the perfect way to get back at him.

 

 

Adam stared at the ceiling.  Boy, had Marie been angry!  It had only been a bit of fun, sitting on the landing and calling Joe or holding out a cookie until he followed his big brother up the stairs.  Hell, he had to learn sometime.  But she had been so mad that he had quite expected her to carry out her threat of taking a switch to him. Instead he had been banished to his room with no supper.  He was fervently hoping that Pa would stay with the herd tonight.  Maybe by tomorrow she would calm down and forget to tell him. He didn’t really mind being confined to his room, since he preferred to read alone; but he was hungry.  He wondered if he dared creep down the back stairs to the kitchen after Hop Sing had gone to bed.  A few months back Hoss would have sneaked something to him but there wasn’t much chance of that now.  It wasn’t like his brother to tell tales, he must be really mad at him.

He rolled over on to his stomach and propped his book on the pillow.  Only a few more days and he would be back in school.  He was looking forward to that.  He missed the formal lessons and there was so much he wanted to ask Mr Lawson.  It would be good to see Rick and Jeff again, too.  Since Marie had banned them from the ranch the three boys hadn’t been able to meet up.

He turned his thoughts to Ross; they were supposed to be best friends.  He sighed heavily.  Well, why couldn’t Ross make the first move?  It had been two months now.  Surely he couldn’t still be stewing over a little bit of trouble with his Pa.  Adam conveniently forgot that he hadn’t thought his punishment insignificant at the time.

Down below the front door opened and closed and he heard his father’s voice greeting Hoss.  For a moment he held his breath wondering how long it would be before Pa asked where he was.  As the minutes passed and there were no footsteps on the stairs he relaxed a little.  A while later he heard Marie come up the stairs and go into Little Joe’s room and then running feet and Hoss’ laughter as he played some game with Pa.  Finally all was quiet again and somewhat relieved, he wondered if perhaps Pa wasn’t going to come and speak to him at all.

 

“Can we take the barricades down now,” Ben asked when he and Marie were alone.

Marie laughed. “It’s getting that way, isn’t it? The stairs, the door, the fireplace, the kitchen … I never realised how dangerous this place is for a baby on the move.”

Ben removed the screen from the bottom of the stairs and pushed his chair back beside the fire. “I don’t remember having this trouble with the other two, but I guess we were on the trail and they had less chance to move around in a wagon.”

Marie picked up the coffee pot and poured them both coffee. “Do you think I should take a sandwich or something up to Adam?” She glanced at her husband, to gauge his reaction.  He hadn’t made any comment when she had explained why she had banished Adam to his room, simply agreed with her decision.

Ben took a sip of his coffee and shook his head.  “He’ll survive for a while longer.  I’ll take him a glass of milk and a sandwich when I’ve drunk my coffee.”

“Ben, don’t be angry at him,” Marie said quietly, recognising that she had reacted too strongly earlier in the day. “I was upset by Joe’s fall. Adam really didn’t do anything too terrible.  After all, if he hadn’t encouraged Joe to climb I’m sure he would have done it on his own very shortly.  I did rather yell at him at the time.”

Ben smiled. “Alright, if that’s what you want, but don’t blame me if you find he s been teaching his little brother anything else.”

Marie laughed. “Oh, there’s a competition going on to see who can get Joe to say their name as his first word, but I think Hoss has the edge since it sounds like horse and Joe is crazy about horses.  Mind you, my guess is the first word will be ‘no’, since that’s what I spend most of my time saying to him.”

 

Ben poured himself more coffee. “Is Adam that interested in him?  I thought he seemed to resent being asked to do anything with Joe.”

“That’s a front put on for our benefit.  If you sneak up on them when they’re alone you can see he adores him.  Of course, he resents being asked to look after his brothers.  Didn’t you?  But he wants to teach them things and he is very protective of them.”

Ben nodded and smiled. “I hated being the oldest most of the time, but it does have its compensations.”

Marie poured some milk into a glass. “I’m not sure Adam has found the compensations sufficient.” She headed for the kitchen. “I’ll make that sandwich and you can explain the advantages to him.”  She disappeared from view before he could reply.

 

Ben carried the tray up the stairs and knocked on his son’s door, pushing it open without waiting for an answer.  Adam was lying on his stomach on his bed with his nose in a book, his eyes straining to read in dim light while the lamp burned brightly on the desk a few feet away.  He jumped to his feet as his father came in and looked up at him from beneath his dark eye lashes.  He couldn’t tell whether Pa was mad at him or not; his face was giving nothing away.

Ben set the tray down on the night table.  “Either sit at the desk or move the lamp to the table.  You’ll strain your eyes trying to read like that.”

“I was just going to move it,” Adam said quickly, although he had no such intention.

“Marie sent you up a sandwich.  She seemed to think you might be hungry.” Ben indicated the tray and then settled himself in the chair by the bed.

Adam hesitated, he wasn’t sure whether he was supposed to sit down and eat, or remain standing for a lecture.  He decided to compromise and picked up the sandwich while still standing in front of his father; he was too hungry to ignore the food.

“You’ll get indigestion eating like that.  For goodness sake, sit down,” Ben said with a small smile.

Adam was confused; he couldn’t fathom out where his father was heading and it worried him.  He sat down on the edge of the bed and bit into the sandwich, waiting.

“I understand you’ve decided to become your little brother’s teacher,” Ben said quietly.

Adam swallowed the mouthful of food and looked at his father.  He didn’t seem to be particularly angry. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I never thought about him falling down.  I mean he’s gotta learn sometime, hasn’t he?”

Ben smiled. “I think Marie would have preferred it if you had waited until he could cope with flat ground without falling over before starting him on the staircase.  She was worried about him, and she probably yelled louder than she intended.”

Adam almost choked on his next bite of sandwich; it sounded as though Pa was saying that Marie had been too harsh.

“It helps if you can keep an eye on him sometimes.  He’s into everything now he can walk,” Ben went on, watching Adam carefully for his reaction.

Adam grinned. “Yeah, the cat never comes in now and Honey’s decided her tail is safer if she stays in the barn.”

 

Ben laughed.  “Well, I can’t complain too much about that.  I keep telling Hoss to keep the animals out of the house.  It seems Little Joe is doing the job for me.  You realise that if he can climb stairs, he’ll be up here in your room and nothing will be safe?”

Adam took a drink of milk before he answered casually.  “He comes in here already.  I read to him sometimes and he likes to listen to the music box.”

Ben almost gasped.  Adam rarely opened his mother’s music box for anyone.  Having been surprised at Adam’s obvious closeness to his baby brother he decided that while Adam was talking he would try to find out what was wrong between him and Hoss.

“How about Hoss, does he come in and listen to stories?” He tried to keep his voice neutral; he knew that the boys had been fighting often lately, and he wanted to find out why without putting Adam on the defensive.  He knew that once Adam suspected the way the questions were going he would shut up like a clam.

Adam shrugged.  “Sometimes.”

Ben tried again. “He’s looking forward to going to school with you in a couple of weeks.  I hope you’ll take care of him and introduce him to your friends.”

Adam studiously avoided looking at his father and concentrated on the glass of milk.   “He’ll be alright.  There are other kids his age.”

Ben knew he was losing; Adam had spotted where the conversation was going and had begun to choose his words carefully.  Ben realised he might just as well come to the point.

“Have you two fallen out?” he asked bluntly.

Adam shrugged and moved the glass around the tray making damp circles.

“You’ve been fighting an awful lot lately, haven’t you?  What’s the problem?”  Ben’s voice was still calm and controlled, but he knew he wasn’t getting anywhere.

“I dunno, nothin’ much,” Adam muttered, still toying with the glass.

Ben sighed. “Oh, come on, Adam!  You’ve had several fights with your brother and each time you say it’s nothing.  If it’s nothing, why are you fighting?  You’re older than he is, you should be able to control your temper better.”

Ben realised immediately from Adam’s reaction that the last sentence had been a misjudgement.  His head came up and his expression was one of anger.

“Oh sure, just ‘cos I’m older it has to be my fault.  It could be he starts it, y’know.”

“I didn’t say it was anyone’s fault. I simply want to find out what’s wrong between you.  I don’t like you fighting, and you know that.” Ben kept his voice down but his patience was reaching its limits.  Why could Adam always force him into a position where he ended up being a disciplinarian instead of a counselor?  “You had a fight today, didn’t you?  Jake says you pushed Hoss into it.”

“Well, Jake should mind his own business!” Adam snapped.

“That’ll do.  It won’t help to lose your temper.  Jake doesn’t like you fighting any more than I do.  Now, what was it all about?”

Adam shrugged and stayed silent.

 

“Adam, I’m giving you a chance to explain your actions.  If you won’t tell me what this is all about, what do you expect me to think?” Ben was becoming exasperated with his son’s stubbornness and his temper was starting to rise.

“You’ve already decided it’s my fault, you always do,” Adam muttered with a shrug.

“I hadn’t decided anything but your attitude gives me no choice but to assume you have something to hide.  Since you won’t tell me what’s wrong, I can’t help.” Ben got to his feet and headed for the door as he reached it he turned around to see a very slight smile on his son’s lips.  “You may think you’ve been clever avoiding my questions, young man, but if I catch you fighting with your brother you’ll regret not sorting this out here and now.” He went out and closed the door firmly behind him.

Adam breathed a sigh of relief and stretched out on the bed with a feeling of triumph; he felt he had won that round.  The feeling of euphoria lasted less than a minute, though.  He was intelligent enough to realise that he had won nothing.  He had merely passed up an opportunity to be closer to his father.  Pa had come in here ready to talk things through, and he had rejected the offer and once again he was the loser.  Pa was angry with him again.  Oh, hell!  Why couldn’t he get it right just once?

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 21

 

 

Adam grinned at the scene in front of the class.  Mr Lawson was introducing the new pupils and there was the slightly incongruous sight of  his little brother standing amongst a group of much smaller children.  Hoss might be only eight years old, the same or younger than the group around him, but he was at least a head taller than any of them.  The grin faded as Adam recalled the ride to school.  Hoss had ignored him for most of the journey only drawing a bit closer as they approached the school yard.  A few months back Hoss would have looked to him for advice and guidance, would have deferred to his experience.  Well, if he wanted to be so damned independent, let him.  In the last two weeks they had fought several times and had been lucky that, as yet, Pa hadn’t caught them.  Adam wasn’t sure what they fought about or why they came to blows so often lately, he only knew that Hoss was getting too big and strong for him to win every time.

Hoss glanced around the classroom.  His brother had described it to him but it was different seeing it for himself.  He felt shy and uncomfortable standing here waiting to be told what to do.  All the other new children were smaller than he was and he was sure everyone was looking at him.  He wished he hadn’t fallen out with Adam; it would have been comforting to ask his brother all the things he needed to know.  On the ride this morning he had pretended that he was confident and didn’t need his big brother but now he knew he needed him very much.   He felt a little better when Mr Lawson allocated him to a desk and he could look at his fellow pupils without feeling they were staring at him.  His partner was a little girl called Jenny, she was the same age as he was and new to the town as well as the school.  Hoss immediately felt protective and gave her a smile hoping to make her feel at ease.

By the end of the morning, Hoss knew that for a while his biggest problem was remembering that here his name was Erik, and that here it didn’t mean that someone was angry with him. Several times it had taken Mr Lawson three or four attempts before he had gained his attention.  Hoss was relieved when he could go outside again, he wasn’t used to spending so long sitting still and he preferred the fresh air.  When Mr Lawson had announced recess, Hoss had looked for his brother but Adam hadn’t waited, he was already on his way out of the door with Rick Bonner by the time Hoss rose from his desk.  Now, Hoss sat alone and miserable watching as Adam and Rick stood talking a few yards from him.

“Don’t you know anyone either?” a small voice said beside him

He looked up to see Jenny watching him with her huge brown eyes.

“Yeah, sure, that’s my brother and his friend and I know Ross,” Hoss said slowly.

“I don’t know anyone,” she said quietly, “Can I talk to you?”

Hoss nodded. “If you like.  My brother and me fell out, he don’t want me around.”

“I wish I had brothers.  There’s just me, and with Papa always moving around it gets lonely.” Jenny pulled herself up on to the log beside him.

Hoss smiled.  Her feet were well off the ground, she was so tiny. “I got another brother at home but he’s just a baby.”

“Oh, I like babies! Could I see him sometime?”

“Yeah, I guess, but we live a long ways outta town, maybe next time Mama brings him inta’ town.  He’s kinda sweet.”  Hoss looked closely at her. “Why does your Pa move around a lot?”

Jenny shrugged. “I’m not sure; he says folks don’t give him a break.  He gets into fights and then we move.  Sometimes he goes away without us then Mama’s sad.  I don’t have any friends, cuz we never stop any place long.”

“Well, you got one now,” Hoss said firmly.

The bell rang to end the break and Hoss helped her to the ground and walked with her back to their shared desk.  He spent lunch with her, too, and by the end of the day they had become inseparable.  Hoss had discovered that Jenny was clever and could help him with his schoolwork and Jenny had found a champion to look after her.  He wouldn’t need Adam after all.  He had watched his brother in school today; there was no doubt that he was smart but Hoss had the feeling that except with the Bonners, his brother wasn’t popular.  He had heard a couple of the children refer to him as a ‘know-it-all’ and Hoss had to admit that when Adam answered in class he did appear to look down on the other children who were slower.

 

At supper that evening Marie inquired how Hoss had enjoyed his first day.

“It was fine.  I could do most of the stuff, ‘ceptin’ the spellings,” Hoss said proudly.

“Did you meet some nice new friends?” Marie asked as she placed a large helping of apple pie in front of him.

Before Hoss could answer Adam chimed in, “Yeah, he’s got a girlfriend,” he said it with a big grin on his face.

“She is not,” Hoss retorted. “She’s just nice, that’s all.”

“Ah, go on, she’s your girlfriend.  You sit next to her and you spent recess and lunch with her,” Adam persisted.

Ben could see Hoss was embarrassed and getting upset and he intervened quickly.

“So, who is this new friend, Hoss?  What’s her name?”

Hoss glared at Adam. “She’s called Jenny, Jenny Curran, and she lives in town.”

Adam scoffed, “Rick said her Pa’s a thief, been in jail for it.”

“You’re lyin’! It ain’t so!” Hoss yelled.

Ben raised his hand to halt the exchange. “That’s enough.  Adam, stop teasing him and eat your supper.”

 

“But Pa…” Adam broke off as he saw his father’s expression harden.  Why was it always his fault?  He’d only told the truth!  Rick should know, his Pa had spent a fair time in jail before he came to Washoe. In fact, from what Rick said it was likely that running from the law in California was the reason the Bonner family were here.

“If we are talking about suitable friends, I’m not sure Rick Bonner is the best influence you could find,”  Ben said icily.

The meal was finished in silence but Hoss continued to glare at his brother between mouthfuls of apple pie.

 

“Do you think Adam was right about Hoss’ little friend?” Marie asked when she and Ben were alone.

“You mean, has he found his first girlfriend?” Ben laughed.

Marie shook her head and came to sit on the floor by the fire, leaning back against his chair. “No, I meant about her father.”

Ben reached down and stroked her hair. “If her father’s Ed Curran, then, yes, he’s right.  Jose told me that Curran was newly released from prison over in California.”

“And you’re happy for Hoss to be friends with her?” Marie asked a little alarmed at the idea.

“It’s hardly her fault if her father is a petty thief, and, after all, Frank Bonner’s not very different and Adam’s been friends with his boys for months.  There aren’t many children around here, I can hardly stop it now.  If I oppose their friends they’ll be more determined to see them.  I wish Adam would make it up with Ross though, at least he balanced things out a bit.”  He gently rested his hand on her shoulder.  “Are you worried about Hoss?”

Marie looked up at him. “No, not really, but I want him to make friends.  He has been so lonely recently, with…” she allowed her voice to tail off, not sure what to say.

“You’ve noticed the rift too, haven’t you?  I wish I knew what caused it and what to do about it.  They used to be so close and now they seem to be constantly at each other’s throats.  At least they haven’t had a fight since I had words with young Adam about it.”

Marie hesitated, she wasn’t sure whether to tell him or not. It might make him very angry again but, on the other hand, he had a right to know how bad things were getting. “I’m afraid they have; several. Nothing to injure each other, but both Jose and I have had to separate them.”

Ben sighed. “I had a feeling it wouldn’t stop that easily.”

Marie got up and started to poke the fire thoughtfully. “Maybe they’re growing apart for a while.  You can’t expect them to like the same things all the time.”  She turned to Ben and spoke earnestly. “They are very different and Adam is growing up.  He wants older friends, not his younger brother.  They’ll be friends again in time.  I’m sure they don’t mean any harm to each other.”

Ben pursed his lips and shook his head. “Adam’s bigger than Hoss, he shouldn’t be picking fights with him.”

 

Marie gave a short laugh. “Have you looked at them lately? I mean, really looked?  Hoss is only a few inches shorter than Adam and a whole lot broader.  I think you should know that if it’s Adam that’s picking the fights then he is cutting himself a whole lot of trouble.”  She crouched beside his chair again and put her hand on his knee. “I think It’s more evenly divided than that.  All his life, Hoss has allowed Adam to make the choices, to be the boss.  Now he doesn’t like what Adam is doing; doesn’t accept his authority quite so readily and it’s causing friction.”

“Alright, O’ wise one,” he joked. “’How do I stop it before one of them gets hurt, or they end up hating each other?”

Marie shrugged. “I wish I knew. But I don’t think blaming Adam is going to help. It will just make him more determined to win the battle. He’s got to be the second most stubborn person I know.”

Ben laughed and pulled her onto his knee. “I probably shouldn’t ask, but who is the stubbornest?”

“You, of course, my darling; your oldest son is so much like you.”

 

If Adam had heard this comment he would have been astonished.  At the moment he felt as though he was an outsider in this family.  Whatever he tried to do went wrong.  He was always in trouble with his father or at odds with his stepmother, and now even his closest ally for the past eight years was against him.  He had fallen out with his best friend, and, deep down, he knew that was his fault.  Rick was no substitute for Ross;  Rick was trouble and it was only a matter of time before that trouble enveloped Adam, too, and he knew it.  He was supposed to be getting into bed but he knew he wouldn’t sleep.  He opened his door quietly and slipped from his room.  He made his way to the top of the stairs and listened.  Below he could hear the murmur of his parents’ conversation, but he couldn’t tell what was being said.  He moved back into the shadows and opened the door to Little Joe’s room.

His baby brother was sound asleep lying on his back with one fist on the pillow above his head and the thumb of the other stuck firmly in his mouth.  Adam stood over the cot and watched him for a moment; he looked so peaceful his face flushed in sleep.  “Must be nice not to have a care in the world,” Adam said softly.  He knelt down by the bed and stroked his little brother’s curls. Pa kept telling Marie that she should cut them but so far his stepmother had resisted.  “I wish I was the youngest,’ Adam murmured.  “You don’t know how lucky you are, buddy.  We’ll do things together when you’re older, I’ll teach you just like I did Hoss, but you and I won’t fight, will we?”

 

He felt a lump come to his throat.  He didn’t want to fight with Hoss, it just seemed to happen.  He hated growing up; part of him wanted to stay a boy, and yet he so desperately wanted his father to treat him as a man. His feelings were all mixed up and he couldn’t understand the strange emotions that flooded through him.  He sat by Joe’s bed for nearly an hour holding on to his little brother’s hand or touching his face.  Suddenly, he heard his parents’ voices getting closer.  They must be coming up the stairs and he knew that at least one of them would look in on Joe and probably on him too.  He had to get back to his room.  He managed to make it to the corner of the hallway before they reached the top of the stairs and he reached his room just as Marie opened the door to his little brother’s.  He closed his door softly and leaned against it for a second, breathing hard.  He heard his father go into Hoss’ room and quickly climbed into bed, fully clothed, and pulled the quilt up around his head.  By the time his father opened the door and looked in he was feigning sleep.  The minute the door closed again, he let out a tremendous sigh of relief.  He didn’t know why he was so afraid of being found in Little Joe’s room.  He simply didn’t want anyone to know how much he cared about his baby brother.

 

The atmosphere between the two older brothers did not improve over the next few weeks.  Adam spent his time with Rick and Hoss spent his with Jenny.  It became so bad that they didn’t even ride home from school together, although both tried to keep this from their father.  Adam knew Pa wouldn’t approve of Hoss riding home alone, but he preferred to go with the Bonners to explore and the last thing he wanted was his little brother tagging along.  Jeff was okay; he was only a couple of years younger than Rick.

Hoss kept quiet about his solitary rides because it meant he could spend time in the woods or by the lake without his big brother yelling at him to hurry up.  He would have liked to take Jenny with him but her mother wouldn’t allow her to go far outside of town.

Jenny loved being with Hoss; he made her feel safe.

“Hoss, Mama said you could come visit on Saturday if you want to,” she said one afternoon, as he walked her home.

Hoss screwed up his nose and considered the suggestion. “I’d like to, but I dunno whether Pa’ll let me come into town on my own.”

“But you ride home on your own every day,” Jenny said puzzled.

Hoss grinned. “But he don’t know that. He’d be real angry if he found out. I’m supposed to stay with Adam, only he don’t wait for me.”

Jenny looked disappointed. “Please, Hoss?”

Hoss couldn’t bear to see her upset.  “I’ll ask. Maybe Pa or someone will be comin’ into town.” He waved goodbye to her as they reached the corner of the street and watched until she went into her cabin.

 

“I don’t see why I have to babysit him on Saturdays, too,” Adam whined.

They were seated around the fire after supper on Friday night and Hoss had asked if he might go and visited Jenny.  Not surprisingly, Ben had refused to allow him to go alone but had insisted that since Adam was going to meet Rick, he could take Hoss and then collect him on his way home.

“All you have to do is accompany him to the Curran’s and collect him, you’ll still have the better part of the day to spend with your friends.  I can’t see that it’s a hardship.”  Ben paused and fixed Adam with a stern stare. “Unless, of course, you were planning to go somewhere else that you haven’t mentioned.”

 

Adam sighed.  He knew he was cornered;  if he was going to town then Pa was right it was no hardship to drop Hoss off at the Curran’s.  His plans to meet Rick and go looking for Young Wolf would have to be revised to allow for a long detour.  If he continued to refuse, Pa would become more suspicious than he was already and the questions would get more awkward to answer without lying.

“I suppose he can come with me, but he better be ready to go when I am,” he said sullenly, glaring at his little brother.

“I’m sure Hoss will have his chores done in time,” Ben said pointedly. “You see that you get yours done before you leave and properly done, you’ve been skipping them lately,” he added sharply.

Adam rolled his eyes and waited for another lecture. He had been expecting this for several days.  Most afternoons he had been spending an hour or so with his friends instead of coming straight home.  He was careful to cover up his arrival but obviously his chores had to be rushed and it was only a matter of time before Pa noticed his slipshod work.

Despite his father’s warning he still rushed his chores the next morning.  There was no alternative, he had to meet Rick and Jeff  at the Springs in the Washoe Valley and the detour to escort Hoss would take at least two hours, unless he could get Hoss to co-operate and go alone.  He went over a plan in his head and checked it out for loopholes;  it was worth a try.

“You ready yet?” he yelled at his younger brother.

Hoss nodded.  “I’ve finished my chores, but you ain’t.  Pa’ll be mad at you.”

Adam swung around and glared at him. “I’ll finish ’em tonight. You mind your own business.  Come on, or I’ll leave without you,” he snapped.

They rode in silence, Hoss a few yards behind his brother.  He could tell by the set of Adam’s shoulders that he was angry at having to do this.  When they reached the south end of Lake Washoe, Adam pulled his pony to a halt and waited for his brother to catch up to him.

“What you stoppin’ for?” Hoss asked.

“You go the rest of the way on your own. I’ll meet you back here tonight about an hour before dark,” Adam said in clipped tones. “It’s open country, nothing can happen between here and town.”

Hoss snorted. “What do you care, I always ride it on my own on school days, anyway.”

“Yeah, well you keep your mouth shut about that, too!  And be back here on time, I ain’t waiting for you.”

Hoss grinned. “Oh, you’ll wait!  You wouldn’t dare go home without me, Pa’d have your hide.”

Adam stared open mouthed at Hoss’ departing back for a minute, aware that his little brother had the upper hand for once.  Hoss was right.  He wouldn’t dare go home without him today, not when Pa would be in the yard waiting for them.

 

He slowly turned his pony and headed along the lake shore toward the Springs.  He could see well before he reached the designated spot that Rick and Jeff were already there.

“Sorry, I’m a bit late,” he apologised  “I had to take Hoss into town.” He swung out of the saddle to stand beside Rick.

Rick grinned at him. “Yeah, we saw how you took him into town!” he said sarcastically.

 

Adam laughed. “He’ll be alright, it would gave taken all morning.”

“We gonna go up the mountain, see if that Indian friend of yours around?” Jeff asked as the three of them began to ride north away from the lake.

Adam nodded. “Yeah, alright. I have to be back here to meet up with my brother about an hour before dark.”

“We need to be home by then too.  Ma’s goin’ visiting and I get to look after the damn baby again,” Rick said in disgust. “Ma’ll skin me alive if we’re late.”

Adam raised his eyebrows.  He couldn’t imagine mild-mannered Mrs Bonner doing anything of the kind.  He was also astounded at the way Rick casually called his stepmother ‘Ma;’ he and Jeff seemed to accept the situation so easily.

Adam pursed his lips and frowned. “I hate being the eldest.  Why do we always have to put up with being responsible for the others?”

Jeff glared at him, “Nobody has to look after me!”

Adam grinned. “Don’t worry, Jeff. I wasn’t counting you.”

Jeff returned the grin and relaxed as he followed the two older boys towards the slopes of Mount Rose.

 

Hoss rode straight to the Curran cabin and was greeted by an ecstatic Jenny, and her mother who served up milk and cookies.

“Is it alright if Hoss takes me for a ride on his pony, Mama?” Jenny asked when they had finished.

Mrs Curran looked doubtful.

“Please, Mama?” Jenny pleaded.

“We can ride double, Jenny’s so tiny.  We won’t go far, I promise, and we’ll be back in a couple of hours.  I’ll take care of her,” Hoss added his pleas to his friend’s.

“Well, alright. But don’t go too far,” Mrs Curran agreed. “And wait until this afternoon when you’ve had lunch.”

Jenny found the waiting hard, she adored Hoss’ pony and had ridden him around the yard at school but this was different, this was a real adventure.  She sat in front of Hoss and he held her tightly with one hand while guiding the pony with the other.

“We’ll go towards the valley,” Hoss suggested. “From the edge of town you can almost see my Pa’s new herd.”

Jenny smiled to herself; she didn’t really care much for cattle but if it was what Hoss wanted to do then she would be happy.  The herd was further than Jenny had expected, she was sure her mother hadn’t wanted them to go this far, but she said nothing to deter him.

“Why aren’t there any drovers with the herd?” Jenny asked.  “I thought cattle needed people to look after them.”

 

Hoss shook his head.  “Jose checks them everyday, but most times they don’t move far so there are only a couple of men working with them.  I expect they are around somewhere.”  He dismounted and helped Jenny to the ground. “’Look over there. There are three or four men riding towards the herd, maybe they are going to move them.”

As they watched the men began to cut about a dozen cattle from the herd.

“What are they doing, Hoss?” Jenny knew nothing about cattle and wasn’t sure why anyone would want to separate a few from the herd.

Hoss was puzzled, too. “’I dunno,” he said slowly.  “I don’t recognise those men…”

He stopped speaking as Jenny gasped.  “It’s Papa!” She looked up at Hoss her face full of questions. “It’s my Papa.  Why is he with your father’s men?”

Hoss stared hard at the men and recognised Frank Bonner, too. Adam’s words came back to him. “Her Pa’s a thief.”  Those men were cattle rustlers and Jenny’s Pa was part of it.  He was frozen to the spot.  He didn’t know what to do.

“Come on, we have to get out of here,” he said finally.  He knew enough to know that thieves didn’t want witnesses.  He lifted Jenny into the saddle and jumped up behind her, pushing his pony into a canter as soon as he felt able.  He rode fast until they reached the edge of town, then he stopped and dismounted, lifting Jenny down to join him.

“Why did you ride away so fast? It was only my Papa.  He wouldn’t mind us being that far from town.  He don’t worry like Mama,” Jenny asked

Hoss bent down.  “Jenny, they was stealin’ my Pa’s cattle.  I gotta get home and tell Pa,” he said gently.

Jenny’s eyes opened wide and she shook her head in disbelief.  “Papa wouldn’t steal, he wouldn’t.”  She began to cry, knowing that what Hoss was saying was true no matter how much she might deny it.  She had known for over a year that Papa had been in prison before they came here, she had heard him talking to Mama about it.

“You won’t tell, will you Hoss?” she sobbed.

Hoss patted her shoulder.  He was embarrassed at her tears and didn’t know how to stop them or comfort her. “I have to tell, Jenny.  Stealin’s wrong.”

“No, Hoss!  If you tell, my Papa will go to prison.  I won’t see him for ages.  Please, Hoss, your Pa’s got lots of cattle, I saw them, he won’t miss a few.  Please, if you’re my friend, you won’t tell.” Jenny was digging her fingers into his arm as she spoke, begging him to understand, the tears pouring down her face.

Hoss couldn’t stand to see her so upset.  “Alright Jenny, I won’t tell, but you gotta make him stop.  My Pa will find out sometime and I won’t be able to help.”

Jenny hugged him, so grateful for his kindness. “I’ll tell him what we saw, I’ll make him stop, Hoss.  I promise.”

“Come on, I gotta take you home and meet Adam.  It’s gettin’  late,” Hoss said gruffly, embarrassed at her thanks.

 

Adam paced up and down. Where the hell was his brother?  Should he ride towards town to look for him and risk missing him, or should he continue to wait?  It would be dark in less than half an hour; dark by the time they got home even if Hoss appeared right now.  They were going to be in trouble that was for sure, the only question was how much.  He had had a good day with Rick and Jeff, they had found Young Wolf and the four of them had gone hunting for a cougar.  To their great delight they had found it and tracked it for several miles and it had been Adam’s shot that had brought it down.  He was very proud of his skill with the rifle but it was something he wouldn’t be able to boast about at home; his father must never know that he had been on Mount Rose or that he had met up with his Paiute friend again.

Adam cursed silently.  Why did Pa treat him like a baby?  If he could hunt and kill a cougar, surely he could choose his own friends!  He knew that Pa didn’t approve of the Bonners anymore than he did of Young Wolf.  He stared intently toward the distant hills hoping for a glimpse of his brother’s pony and at last he saw it.  Hoss was riding fast but it wasn’t going to help, arriving home with tired and lathered horses would simply add to Pa’s anger.

“Where the hell have you been?” Adam yelled before Hoss could even draw level with him. “Pa’s gonna kill me.  I ain’t even finished my chores from this morning yet.”

Hoss slowed his pony to a walk and fell in beside his brother. Adam had started moving for home as soon as Hoss was within earshot.  He looked sideways at his older brother and noted the frown and the dark eyes which were blazing at him. “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t leave Jenny while she was upset,” he said quietly.

“Upset?  Upset about what?  What did you do?” Adam said angrily.

“I didn’t do nuthin’! She was upset about something, that’s all. I can’t tell you what,” Hoss mumbled.

Adam snorted. “Well, you better think of something right quick. We need a good excuse for being late and since I was on time, you can come up with it.  I sure ain’t tellin’ Pa where I’ve been this afternoon.”

“But, I can’t tell, I promised Jenny.” Hoss looked at his brother in desperation.  Adam was the oldest; he always did the talking to Pa! He couldn’t opt out now, not when Hoss needed him!  “You gotta think of something Adam, you just gotta!  Pa’ll skin us alive for being out this late.”

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 22

 

 

Hoss’ estimation of his father’s temper was on the optimistic side. It had been dark for half an hour and Ben and Jake had done the chores without them. In the process, they  had discovered that Adam’s morning chores weren’t complete, either. Jose riding in to tell him that about a dozen head of cattle had disappeared had been the final straw.

“You don’t think anything’s happened to them do you?” Marie asked anxiously as she watched her husband pace up and down the living room. “I mean the rustlers might have…” her voice trailed away, unable to put into words what she was thinking.

Ben drew in a sharp breath. “No, I’m sure they were nowhere near the valley this afternoon so nothing will have happened to them.  Or, at least, not yet, but you wait until I get my hands on them.”

He stopped pacing and stared at the door. “I’ve had about enough of young Adam skipping out on his work and they both know I expect them back here well before dark.”

Marie gave her attention back to Joe who was trying to dismantle her sewing basket.  She disentangled his chubby fingers from a ball of wool and lifted him on to her lap. “Come on, Trouble. I suppose we’d better get you fed and ready for bed,” she said affectionately, gently brushing his curls off his forehead.

Ben frowned.  “He’s beginning to look like a girl.  Can’t you cut those off?”

Marie grinned, “Stop being so grumpy.  I like his curls.  He’ll grow up soon enough.”

‘Huh’, Ben grunted. “If he’s like his older brother, he’ll never grow up.”

Marie automatically knew he was referring to Adam and not Hoss. “Oh, Ben, don’t be so unreasonable.  One minute you treat him like a baby and won’t let him do anything, and the next you’re complaining that he won’t take on responsibility. He’s confused enough about growing up as it is.”

Ben sighed. Why did she seem to understand his sons, especially Adam, so much better than he did?  “I’m sorry.  I guess I haven’t come to terms with him growing up myself.”

“Well, you’d better start, because I have a feeling it will get worse before it gets better, and you have to go through it at least twice more.  Maybe we should have a daughter,” she smiled, “then you can really worry as she grows up.”

He looked at her with a gentle smile on his lips. “Now, there’s an idea.”

 

Marie laughed, tucking a giggling Little Joe under her arm, “Don’t even think of it!  Oh, why don’t I think before I open my mouth?”

He started to laugh with her but his laughter died on his lips as he heard the sound of horses in the yard.  He reached the door in three strides and threw it open.  In the gloom he could make out his two sons leading their ponies into the barn.  He hesitated for only a second before heading across the yard.  Marie watched him go and sighed.

“Come on, little one. I have a feeling it will be better if you and I make ourselves scarce for a while.” She got to her feet and gave one last glance at the door before taking Joe into the kitchen to get him ready for bed.

 

Adam looked up from unsaddling his pony as he saw his father striding towards the barn.  “Uh oh!  I hope you’ve come up with something.”  He glanced at Hoss then bent back to his task.

Hoss looked up, too, and froze when he saw his father’s angry expression.

“Well!  Where have you been until this hour?”

Both boys stopped work but neither looked directly at him.

Adam started to speak but Ben held up his hand.  “I don’t want to hear it until you’ve finished here.”

Adam looked away and muttered, “Why ask then?”

Luckily for him, his father had started speaking again and his words were lost. “Jake and I had to do your chores and I’m not pleased.  Get your horses bedded down and then I want you both at my desk.  Is that understood?”

Hoss nodded nervously and Adam simply raised his eyebrows.

Ben glared at his oldest son for a moment, irritated that Adam’s attitude was one of insolence rather than contrition.  He would deal with that, too.  He turned on his heel and went back into the house.

“So, what you gonna say?” Adam asked with a half-smile.

Hoss’ mouth dropped open. “C’m’on, Adam! You tell him something, you’re the oldest, it ain’t fair to make me…”

Adam whirled around on his younger brother. “No, it ain’t fair, is it?  It ain’t fair for it to be me in trouble all the time!  If I hadn’t waited for you, I’d have been home in plenty of time to get my chores done, and Pa’d been none the wiser about what I was doing!  I’m gonna tell him I waited for you, he ain’t gonna know where I waited unless you tell tales, so even if I do the talking you’ll still have to tell him what you were doing!”

Hoss shrank away from his brother’s anger.  He didn’t like this Adam; he was used to the older brother who protected him and defended him. This brother seemed hell bent on getting him into trouble.  Well, two could play that game! he thought crossly.  If Adam forced him, he’d tell just what his brother had been doing today!

 

 

Being on the receiving end of a lecture from Pa was something Hoss always dreaded.  He couldn’t understand how  Adam could not be affected by it and sometimes even fought back.  He stood beside his brother and concentrated on the leather topped desk, somehow looking at familiar things like the lamp and the inkstand made him feel better.

Ben stood beside the desk and fixed both of them with a stern stare.  He noted that while Hoss continued to look down at the desk, Adam met his eyes with defiance.

“Well, what have you got to say for yourselves? Why are you so late? he asked slowly.

Adam glanced at Hoss with a tiny smile curving his mouth. He knew Hoss wasn’t going to say anything if he could help it and, for the moment, he didn’t intend to, either.

Ben waited for a few seconds then moved closer to Adam.  At his approach, Adam flicked his eyes upwards and then held his father’s gaze.

“You were supposed to be looking after Hoss, so suppose you tell me why you didn’t collect him in time to get home to do your chores?”  Ben said quietly.

Adam heard his younger brother catch his breath.  He knew Hoss was waiting for him to say it was his fault.  He casually shrugged his shoulders.

“I was with some friends and we lost track of the time. We could’ve got back quicker, but we would have had to ride hard.”

It was his attitude more than his words that inflamed Ben’s temper. “Well, neither of you will be riding anywhere for a while,” he snapped.

Hoss drew in a sharp breath.  Surely Pa wasn’t gonna give them a hiding just for being late! He looked up at his brother, but Adam seemed unperturbed. Hoss was grateful that Adam hadn’t blamed him, but if they were going to get a tanning anyway it didn’t make much difference.

“You’ll both spend tomorrow and the next two Saturdays in the yard doing chores, to make up for those you’ve missed.   I know Jake will be able to find plenty.” Ben couldn’t help a small smile at Hoss’ look of relief.  Adam, on the other hand, rolled his eyes and sighed.

“You have a problem with that, young man?” Ben asked sharply.

Adam hesitated for a second then threw away his usual caution. “Yeah, it’s not fair! We were only an hour or so late and that’s three days,” he said sullenly, his whole body language designed to make Ben more angry.

“Hoss, go and wash up for supper,” Ben said quietly, keeping his eyes firmly on his oldest son.

Hoss glanced at his brother, then almost ran from the room.  Adam was a whole lot braver than he was; or maybe just stupid!

Ben waited for Hoss to reach the kitchen then turned back to Adam. “I’ve had all I’m going to take of your sullen bad temper and defiance, young man.  You go to your room and think over your attitude.  I’ll be up to talk to you after supper.”  He swung his arm up to point at the staircase and missed Adam’s nose by inches.

Adam instinctively recoiled then recovered and, giving his father one last defiant glare, walked slowly and silently to the stairs.  He didn’t hurry until he was out of his father’s sight, then he made a point of heavy footsteps on the hallway and slamming his door hard.

 

Ben ran his fingers through his hair and sighed.  How much longer was this battle of wills going to continue, and how could he end it?  Most of the confrontations were about such small, simple things.

 

Adam leaned against the door and sighed.  Why was it all his fault again?  He walked to his bureau and slammed his fist down hard on the polished surface.  It wasn’t fair!  Two weeks of extra chores for being just an hour late home!  Boy, if Pa had found out what he’d been doing this afternoon, it would have been a year.  Rick didn’t have these problems;  his Pa let him do what he liked.  Adam threw himself down on the bed and stared at the ceiling his hands behind his head.

He thought of Rick and Jeff.  He liked visiting their house.  Their Pa was seldom there and their stepmother was nice.  She let both boys do pretty much as they liked and never yelled at them, not like Marie.  Just lately Marie had started to act like Pa, always ordering him around and making him do chores or look after Little Joe.  If he refused or answered her back, she had a temper that could rival Pa at his worst.  He screwed his face up into a frown;  even Rick’s baby sister was good. She never cried and most times Adam was there she seemed to be sleeping, not like Joe, always yelling and needing attention.

He got up from the bed and wandered over to the book shelf;  maybe reading would soothe him.  He sorted through the books, taking down one volume, but he was too restless to read.  If Pa was expecting him to apologise he was gonna have a long wait, he thought stubbornly.   He could smell Hop Sing’s stew and his stomach rumbled.  He’d forgotten how hungry he was and wondered if Pa would bring him any supper?  Somehow, he doubted it.

He smiled as he thought of the Chinese cook; he sure had taken over!  Pa had arranged to pay him and fixed up a room for him, but sometimes it was as if Hop Sing was the boss and Pa and Marie the employees.  Going into the kitchen uninvited was like walking into a lion’s den and Hoss’ habit of snitching cookies had been brought to an abrupt halt when Hop Sing had caught him and chased him with an iron cookpot.  No one was quite sure what the Chinaman intended to do with it and it was probably just as well that Hoss had hidden behind Pa.  He was lost in thoughts of Hop Sing when he heard footsteps on the stairs, he dived for the bed and leaned back with the book that had been in his hand trying to look unconcerned.  When his father pushed open the door, he looked up as though he had been reading for ages.

Ben stood at the door with his hands on his hips and waited for a second, expecting Adam to get to his feet.  When the boy made no move to do so he pushed the door shut behind him and strode over to the bed.

“It’s about time you learned some respect,” Ben said angrily as he took hold of his son’s arm and pulled him to his feet. “The way you’ve been acting lately makes me ashamed of you.”

Adam dropped his book on to the bed and stood sullenly in front of his father.

“Now, what’s all this about?” Ben asked his temper rising again infuriated by his son’s demeanour.

“All what?” Adam replied insolently.  His dark eyes flashing at his father.

 

Ben breathed deeply, determined to try to stay calm. “You know perfectly well what I mean.  You’ve been impossible to live with this summer.  If you’re not running off somewhere you’ve got your nose buried in a book.  You skip through your chores and you’re disrespectful to Marie.”

“She tell you that?” Adam interrupted.

Ben’s voice became ominously quiet.  “She didn’t have to.  I’ve heard you and you’ve now started to use the same tone with me.  Well, let me tell you, young man, it’s going to stop!  You may think it makes you sound grown-up but if you really wanted to sound and be grown up, you’d be setting a better example for your younger brothers. You’re the eldest and they’ll follow your lead.” If Ben had tried he couldn’t have used any words more likely to inflame Adam’s temper.

“I never asked to be the eldest, but because I am you always blame me!  Well, tonight was Hoss’ fault, not mine!  He was late meeting me,” he snapped.  “I covered up for him because I’m the eldest!”

Ben’s expression hardened. “There’s not much I can do about your position in the family, you’ll have to learn to live with it. Now, please tell me if you were collecting him from Jenny’s house how could he be late?” he said softly.

Adam felt a sinking sensation in his stomach; he knew that in his anger he had not stopped to think what he was saying.  He usually thought things through carefully, especially when trying to avoid telling his father the whole truth.  He swallowed hard and looked away.

Ben reached out and caught Adam’s chin in his hand, tilting his face towards him.  “Answer me, please.”

Adam tried to look away but he couldn’t. “We met outside of town,” he muttered.

Ben nodded slowly. “And just where had you been?”

It was no use, he was going to have to own up to everything. “I went hunting with Rick and Jeff,” he admitted quietly, half closing his eyes in an effort to avoid looking into his father’s.  He paused but he knew his father was waiting for more. “…And we met Young Wolf.” His shoulders slumped in defeat as he waited for his father to respond.

Ben sighed and nodded again releasing his hold on his son. “I’ve told you more than once that I don’t want you wandering around the mountains and I’ve specifically told you not to see Young Wolf, haven’t I?  Why do you deliberately set out to defy me? Do you want me to be constantly angry with you?”

Adam hung his head and shifted uneasily from one foot to the other.  He shrugged his shoulders. “You never let me do anything.  Rick’s Pa lets him go where he likes and he’s the same age as me.”

“Maybe Rick’s father doesn’t care where his son is or what he’s doing,” Ben said softly.  “I don’t happen to think that at thirteen you’re old enough or responsible enough to be running around these mountains alone.  I want to know where you are and who you’re with.  If that’s hard on you, I’m sorry, but that’s the way it is. If Rick is talking you into disobeying me then maybe you shouldn’t see him again outside school.”

Adam’s head came up suddenly.  “Then I won’t have any friends! You already stopped me seeing Young Wolf.”

 

“It doesn’t sound as though you took any notice, does it? What happened to Ross? I thought he was your best friend.”

“We fell out,” Adam muttered dropping is head again. “He never wants to do anything.”

“You mean he doesn’t want to follow the Bonners and get into trouble.  Isn’t that it?”

Adam shrugged again.

“I don’t want to stop you doing things with your friends but I do want to be sure that those friends aren’t leading you into trouble and that you aren’t in danger.  Do you understand?”

“I guess so, but…” he hesitated then looked up at his father, the absence of any real anger there encouraged him to continue. “Well, there aren’t many other kids around here and I like Rick. We don’t do nothing wrong. We only rode up into the hills and looked for raccoons and things.”

Ben thought quietly for a moment, studying his unhappy son, and made a decision.  “Alright, I’ll make a deal with you.  Provided you stay out of trouble and start being a little more pleasant to be around, I’ll say no more about your friendship with Rick.  That includes being nicer to your brother, no more fights.”  He fixed Adam with a look that told him he knew about the recent disagreements between them. “Is that understood?”

Adam nodded.  “Yes, sir.”

Ben started to leave but as he reached his hand out for the door knob he turned around.  “One more thin, I don’t want to hear you being rude to Marie again.  She  has done everything she can to understand you and given you more chances than you deserve. You just remember that.  Now I think it’s time you started getting ready for bed.”

He went out closing the door quietly behind him. Adam stood quite still for a moment.  He wasn’t sure who had won the battle but, for the first time in a long while, it didn’t seem important.

He got undressed and climbed into bed but he knew he wouldn’t sleep.  The things Pa had said kept going around in his head.  He had half-decided to get out of bed and get a book to read when there was a light knock on his door, who could it be?  He hadn’t heard footsteps so it was unlikely to be Pa.  Hoss could be heard a mile away, so it wasn’t him.  Maybe it was Hop Sing with some food, he hoped.

“Come in,” he called.  To his surprise it was Marie, tray in hand, who pushed open the door.

“I guessed you’d be hungry. The Bonners aren’t renown for their hospitality.” She set the tray down beside the bed and smiled at him. “Mind if I stay while you eat?” She didn’t wait for an answer but sat down on his bed and curled her feet up under her.

Adam picked up the plate of sandwiches, selected one and took a bite. “Thanks, I’m starving.”

“Well, if you want to eat more regularly, I suggest you start doing as you’re told,” she said with a grin. “When I was a little girl I learned pretty quick that if I wanted to have an argument with my father it was always best to do it after meals.”

Adam glanced up at her and smiled. “I guess I did pick a bad time.”

“Yes, you did rather. But then, anytime tonight would have been bad,” she said thoughtfully.

 

Adam cocked an eyebrow at her. “Why?  What’s so special about tonight?”

“Oh, just before you got back Jose reported that some cattle had been stolen.  Only about a dozen head but with money tight it doesn’t help your father’s temper.”

Adam raised his eyebrows.  His father didn’t often mention money problems to him but he knew that every winter since they had arrived in Western Utah had been hard and the cattle were supposed to solve their problems not make more.

Marie tucked her feet further under her and hugged her knees and Adam smiled;  with her hair loose around her shoulders she looked more like the little girl she had been talking about than a stepmother.

“He was kinda mad at me to start with but he calmed down.” It seemed easy to talk to this Marie, she looked so young and so much more like a companion than a mother.  He definitely couldn’t think of her as his mother. “You know, it was almost as if he understood what it feels like…” Adam stopped and a blush came to his cheeks.  What was he doing confiding in her?  She d just go back and tell his father what he said.

Marie’s laughter surprised him and he stared at her.  “What’s funny?” he said slightly embarrassed.

“You are. Of course your father understands! He was fourteen once, and he is the eldest in the family, too. You are also very like him. It’s my guess that’s why the two of you clash so often. Ask him sometime about stowaways,” she grinned. “Only don’t you dare let him know I suggested it.”

Adam gave her a puzzled look. “Stowaways?”

Marie nodded. “Just drop it into a conversation sometime, you might be surprised at what he tells you.”

Adam replaced his empty plate on the tray and took a sip from the glass of milk. “You mean Pa stowed away on a ship?”

Marie continued to smile. “I’m saying nothing.  Now, drink your milk.”

He finished up the milk and Marie got to her feet. “I’d better go before I give away too many secrets.  Do you feel better now?”

Adam nodded. “Yeah, thanks, Marie.” He settled himself comfortably against the pillows.

Marie bent down to adjust the quilt and planted a light kiss on his cheek which sent shivers through him.  “Goodnight,” she said softly.

Her hair brushed his cheek.  “Marie…”  He reached up and returned the kiss “…G’night.”

She gave a slight smile and picked up the tray. “Sleep well.”

Sleep!  His heart was beating far too fast for sleep.  He turned the lamp down and lay back on the pillows.  Two years ago Ross had told him his new stepmother was pretty.  Why had it taken him so long to notice?

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 23

 

 

Over the next few days Adam tried very hard to make sense of the things his father had said to him.  He made a point of being polite to Marie, and was amazed at how much easier it made his life when she wasn’t shouting at him.  He still resented the extra chores; Pa and Jake had found plenty for them to do and he and Hoss worked side by side to complete all they were given.  On the day before his birthday, they were working on opposite sides of a cross cut saw, neither had spoken all afternoon, but at least they weren’t fighting.  As the final log parted and fell to the ground, Adam straightened up and wiped his brow with his jacket sleeve.

“That must be everything for today,” he groaned, leaning back against the corner upright of the porch. “There’s enough wood there for two winters.”

Hoss slumped down on to the porch step and pushed his fingers through his hair making it stand on end.  Adam glanced down at him with some concern;  Hoss was a whole lot younger and he had done as much work as his older brother.  He must be very tired but he hadn’t complained once.

Adam reached out and ruffled his brother’s hair. “You look like a haystack,” he said affectionately. “Hey, look, I’m sorry I yelled at you last week.  And I’m sorry I told Pa it was your fault. It wasn’t, it was mine. I shouldn’t have gone off and made you meet me at Washoe.”

Hoss looked up into Adam’s eyes. It was almost unheard of for his brother to apologise to anyone, least of all to him.

“Yeah, well…I’m sorry I was late and got you in trouble,” Hoss replied, pleased that his older brother was talking to him again.

Adam grinned.  “I kinda got myself into trouble.  I should think more carefully before I speak, I guess.”

Hoss watched him for a moment; he longed to confide in someone about Jenny’s Pa and, until recently, he wouldn’t have hesitated to tell Adam.  But the surly, bad-tempered brother of last week might insist on reporting what he had seen to Pa.  He had promised Jenny and he wouldn’t break that promise.

“Whatcha doing for your birthday tomorrow?” he asked, in an effort to move the conversation away from the events of last Saturday.

 

Adam pushed himself away from the corner post and drew circles in the dirt with his boot. “Nuthin’.  You know how Pa gets on my birthday,” he said sadly.

Hoss glanced at him in sympathy.  “Marie’s making a cake, I saw her this mornin’.”

“So? Birthdays are no big deal.  I don’t even want a cake,” he muttered, his sullen mood returning all at once.

Hoss stared at the dirt then decided to risk asking. “Why don’t you ask Pa about your Ma? He never talks about her.”

Adam shrugged.  “He does, sometimes.  Maybe he doesn’t want to upset Marie.”

Hoss got to his feet and tentatively put a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Don’t you want to know about her?  He talks about my Ma a lot, you both do.”

Adam spun around. “Just leave it, will you? I don’t want to talk about her with you or Pa.”

Before Hoss could reply Adam had set off for the barn with long, angry strides.  Hoss watched him go and regretted his remarks.  The grumpy, miserable brother was back and it was all his fault.

 

Adam climbed up into the hayloft and pulled a book from its hiding place in the corner.  He always kept one out here;  it was his quiet place to get away from his family.  Hoss’ kind words had upset him more than he cared to admit .  He desperately wanted to know about his mother but he had never been able to ask.  Even his earliest memories confirmed that his father was reluctant to talk about her.  He could remember a time just after they had met Inger; he’d been  sick and when she stopped by to see how he was feeling, he had tried to show her the music box.  His father had come into the room and snatched it from him snapping it shut and telling him never to touch it.  He had been given it for his own a few years later but he would never forget feeling that his mother was somehow a taboo subject.  Every birthday that he could remember had been overshadowed by his father’s grief. Inger had managed to make his sixth birthday fun and  Marie had tried, too, but his father always seemed to shut him out on what was supposed to be his  special day. His father had told him that he was not to blame for his mother’s death, but there were times when it still felt as though he was and his birthday was the worst.

“Adam!  ADAM!”

He heard his father calling him and wondered if he had found more chores for him to do.  He debated staying hidden but he knew that sooner or later Pa would find him and if it was later he would be mad at him again.  He sighed and thrust the book back into its hiding place.  He was about to start for the ladder when his father’s head appeared over the overhang.

“Oh, there you are!” Ben continued to climb up the ladder and swung himself into the hayloft.

“I was just coming Pa,” Adam replied a little guiltily.

Ben smiled. “Don’t look so anxious. I only came looking because Hoss seemed to think he’d upset you and he was worried.”

 

He sat down on the boards resting his feet on the rungs of the ladder and patted the straw for Adam to sit beside him.  Adam raised an eyebrow.  What did Pa want to talk about now?  He reluctantly  slipped down on to the floor and dangled his legs over the edge, his hands clamped over the timber frame.

“What did Hoss say to upset you?” Ben asked softly, although he already knew.

Adam shrugged. “I’m alright.”

Ben nodded.  “Oh, sure, you are; that’s why you rushed off; why you’re hiding up here.  Hoss mentioned your mother, didn’t he?”  He waited a moment then put out a hand and tilted Adam’s chin toward him.  “It’s alright to talk about her, you know.”

Adam pushed his father’s hand away and stared at his boots.  “But you never do!”

“No, I guess I don’t because it still hurts, but I think maybe I’m hurting you more by being silent,”  his father said softly. “What do you want to know?  I’ll try to tell you if I can.”

Adam looked up at his father, his dark eyes searching for answers to questions he didn’t know how to form.  “I dunno…, how you met?  What she was like?  Stuff like that.”

Ben nodded.  “Well, we met on a ship in Boston harbour.  I was seventeen and I’d just signed on to sail with your grandfather to the Pacific.”  He closed his eyes, remembering.  “It was to be my first long trip and I was scared of the journey and terrified of the Captain.  He had gathered us all on the deck to give us a lecture on what he expected of us on the voyage.  He sounded stern and the rules and penalties for breaking them made me wish I’d taken up farming.  I was concentrating on his every word and then I heard a sailor behind me chuckle and when I looked up there was your mother standing behind the mast making faces at her father’s back.  She caught my eye and winked and I couldn’t keep a straight face.  Your grandfather saw me smiling and yelled at me so loudly that I nearly fell over.  Years later, he used to remind me of it.”

Adam grinned.  “Did you speak to her?”

Ben shook his head.  “I was too scared to move without orders,” he smiled “But your mother wasn’t.  She waited until we were almost ready to sail, then she walked over to me  and said, I’m Elizabeth Stoddard and my father’s not really as bad as he sounds.  I recall stuttering my name and blushing and her laughing at my embarrassment.  Her parting words were, Come to dinner when you get back.  The whole crew were watching and listening and I don’t think I’ve ever had to suffer so much teasing as I did on that voyage.”

Adam glanced up at him.  “Did you go to dinner?”

“Oh yes, I spent the whole trip dreaming about that dinner.  We travelled all over the Pacific and there were plenty of pretty girls in every port but all I could think about were her brown eyes and the sound of her laughter.”

He stopped talking and for a moment he was lost to his son in another time.  Adam recalled his conversation with Marie and figured there’d never be a better time to ask.  “Pa, you said that was your first long voyage.  But you’d been to sea before, hadn’t you?”

Ben picked his head and returned reluctantly to the present.  “Oh, yes.  I sailed on the fishing boats from the time I was about nine or ten, and I started work on a coastal barge when I was about fifteen.”

 

“Where was your first long trip to, then?  I mean, on the barge?” Adam asked. It was hard to know how to get Pa to mention what he really wanted to know unless he came right out with it and he wasn’t sure of his ground.  Marie hadn’t been too specific.

“We only went up the coast to St John and south as far as New Bedford or maybe Providence,” Ben replied, thoughtfully, still half in the past.

Adam shrugged.  There was no help for it, he’d have to ask. “Didn’t you ever want to go further?  I mean, all those ships in Boston going to faraway places…  Didn’t you ever try to go with them?”

Ben raised his eyebrows and glanced at his son with a wry smile. “Now, who’s been suggesting that I might have done something like that? Marie, I’ll bet. She’s the only one around here who knows.”

Adam grinned.  “Knows what, Pa?”  he asked innocently.

Ben laughed. “Alright, I’ll tell you about my dark past.  When I was about your age I desperately wanted to go to sea, other than on a day fishing trip, but my Pa wouldn’t hear of it.  A good education came first, he used to say.  Parents always say things to frustrate their children, you know.”

Adam’s mouth lifted in a half smile.  He never knew grown-ups  felt that way about their parents.

“He was away at sea a lot himself and he kinda expected me to take care of my mother and brothers and sister.”  He smiled at his young son who was listening intently.

“Well, I got tired of being stuck in Boston with chores to do, so I decided to stow away  on a clipper bound for England.  I picked a time when Pa was away at sea himself, figuring that by the time I got back he’d have forgiven me.  I wrote a letter for my mother and swore my younger brother John to secrecy, because I needed his help to cover up for me until the ship was well out to sea.  I never considered it might get John into trouble, being the eldest meant that my sister and brothers had to do as I told them.”  He watched his son’s face for his reaction and knew that his remark had been understood because Adam smiled slightly.

“All went well.  I hid under some tarpaulins in the deck for a little over a day and a night and I wasn’t discovered until the ship was well out to sea.  When I was found, I was hauled up in front of the Captain.  He was English, and a father, and he gave me a lecture that I’ve never forgotten.  But he was very shorthanded and, as far as he was concerned, it was a benefit to have an extra pair.  It didn’t matter now how I got there and he had no intention of putting back to Boston.  He told me that I would have to stay with the ship until she came back to Boston on her next trip.”

Adam’s eyes were as big as saucers.  “Weren’t you scared?”

Ben grinned. “Not as much as I should have been at the time, but a few days later I was real scared.  The ship wasn’t particularly seaworthy and the first storm, a few days out, left her leaking badly.”

“Were you afraid of drowning?” Adam asked, spellbound by the tale.

 

“Oh, no, nothing that pleasant,” his father laughed.  “The Captain put her about and headed for the nearest landfall, New York, and he told me that he’d find someone to escort me back to my parents.  I was scared, alright!  Scared of what was waiting for me in Boston!  I knew my father had been due back in a few days and would almost certainly be home by the time I arrived.”

“Was he real mad at you?” Adam asked.  He had now turned around, his eyes fixed on his father’s face.

Ben nodded. “Your grandfather was a sea captain of the old-fashioned kind.  He could freeze a hardened seaman with a look.  We all learned very early on that you didn’t cross him if you knew what was good for you.  I was banned from the harbour, my favourite haunt, until he went back to sea.  That was a couple of months and meant that I missed going out on the fishing boats.”  He raised an eyebrow at his son. “I found sitting very uncomfortable for a good while, too, but since he gave me so many chores I hardly got the chance anyway.  I only found out from my mother a year or so later that if I’d been patient just a while longer Pa had planned to take me with him on his next trip.”

Ben stopped speaking and gazed off into the dark corner of the barn.  “I guess fate played a hand in that bit of mischief.  He never came back from that trip.  His ship went down somewhere in the southern ocean, we never knew exactly where.  It was over a year before we heard that another ship had picked up three survivors, but he was gone.”

The silence in the barn was almost tangible.  Adam reached out and rested his hand on his father’s. Ben shook his head sadly, and then lifted his arm and placed it around Adam’s shoulders pulling him closer.

“It’s strange how the quick, thoughtless decisions we  make can influence our lives in big ways.  After he died, I tried to take over the family.  That was why I went to sea on the barges.  Then, when the money wasn’t enough for five of us, I took passage with Captain Stoddard and met your mother.  So you see, you’re only here because I stowed away,” he smiled, his mood lightening again.

Adam fixed his eyes on the barn below.  Pa had known a lot of sorrow, too.  He couldn’t imagine what it would be like not to have his father around.  He might want to rebel against him but he needed him desperately.

“Your mother stowed away once too, but she was only about eight I believe and her father found her before the ship left port.  It used to make her mad when I told her that girls weren’t any good at keeping quiet.”

“Pa… did she love me?” Adam asked softly.

Ben squeezed his arm hard around his son’s shoulders. “Of course she did.  She wanted you very much, we both did.  She wanted a tall son and it looks like she got her wish.”

“Did she get to hold me and stuff?” he said almost inaudibly.

Ben had to lean closer to hear the question. “Yes, son, she held you.  When she died you were right beside her and she had only just let go of your hand.  We were all together and she had everything she wanted right there.” There was a lump in Ben’s throat that wouldn’t go away.  He knew that for his son’s sake he had to get through this, but talking about that day was the hardest thing he had ever done.  He had never mentioned it to anyone before and he didn’t think he ever would again.

 

 

It was growing dark and there were chores waiting to be done, but Ben was reluctant to break the spell that had held his son so close to him for most of the afternoon.  He shifted slightly on the hard planks and looked down at the boy beside him; no, not a boy, almost a man now.  Tomorrow he would be fourteen.  Maybe it was time to let go a little, to allow him to grow in his own way.  Tears glistened on Adam’s cheeks and Ben touched him gently to brush them away.  There were tears in his own eyes, too.  Tomorrow would still be hard for him but sharing this afternoon would make it easier than it had ever been before.

He shook his head a little sharply.   “We’d better get some work done or Marie will be yelling for us,” he said quietly, releasing Adam from his embrace and pushing himself to his feet.

Adam followed, still half in a trance. So many things had fallen into place this afternoon.  He felt closer to his father than he had ever been before, and his mother was no longer just a beautiful picture, she had three dimensions now.  She was real, a part of him that he could begin to understand and appreciate.  He was still feeling introspective when he sat down to supper and his mood made Marie raise her eyebrows in Ben’s direction.  He smiled and nodded and she knew that they had talked.  Maybe tomorrow would be a new beginning for them.

 

Adam’s birthday had been all Marie had hoped for; he had been happy and there had been no dark moments to spoil it.  She was humming softly to herself as she washed Joe and got him ready for bed.  It was cosy here in front of the fire and she had been taking her time.  She ran her fingers through his curls and smiled.  They were getting long;  maybe she should cut them and maybe the dresses should give way to more boyish clothes now that he was walking.  She sighed.  Her baby was growing up too soon.  She lifted him from the tin bath and wrapped him in a soft towel,  rubbing him gently dry and then dressing him in his nightshirt.  For a second she turned her back to pick up the hairbrush; it was long enough.  She heard a  chuckle and looked back to see the towel and Ben’s newspaper floating in the bath.

“Oh, Joe! “  She shook her head.  “Jake only brought that today! Your father hasn’t had time to look at it.”  She lifted the soggy paper from the bath and laid it on the hearth. “Maybe it will dry there,” she said doubtfully. “If it doesn’t, your Pa is not going to be pleased.”

“What am I not going to be pleased about?” asked Ben, coming in from the kitchen and swinging Joe up into his arms so that he giggled.

“This!” she said, pointing to the paper which was now curling at the edges from the heat, steam rising from it as it dried.

Ben turned Joe in his arms so that he was facing him. “Do I have you to thank for that, young man?” he frowned.

Joe chuckled again. “Joe bad.”

“Well I won’t argue with that,” Ben laughed. He winked at Marie.  “I have a feeling that hairbrush is going to get plenty of use in a few years, and not just on his “’

Marie began to clear up the clothes and towels from the rug.  “I only turn my back for a minute and he’s into something he shouldn’t.  Can you watch him while I sort this out?”

 

Ben nodded. “I’ll take him up to bed, if you like.  I hope tonight he’ll stay in his own bed.  I’m getting tired of taking him back to his room at three in the morning.” He started for the stairs and then stopped to remove the ends of the leather trim on his vest from Joe’s mouth.  Ben grimaced with distaste.

Now it was Marie’s turn to chuckle. “Where are Adam and Hoss?” she asked.

Ben turned around on the bottom step. “Where do you think?  In the barn with the colt.  Adam’s trying to think up a name for him.”

“I’m glad he was so pleased.  It seemed fitting that since he wanted Sable so much he should have her first foal.”

Ben grinned. “Yes, he didn’t keep that as well hidden as he thought, did he?  Do you remember the tantrums over his pony?  Of course, he never actually said anything so how was I to know that he wanted her?”

“Well, it took me a while to separate his dislike of me from his jealously over the horse,” Marie replied.

“I think, as birthday presents go, that one has to be the most successful we could have found.  I’m glad you suggested it.”

Ben continued up the stairs and Marie headed for the kitchen, almost colliding with Hoss as he ran in from the yard chased by an irate Adam.

“Hey, watch where you’re going!” Marie caught her youngest stepson and made him slow down. “Now, what’s this about?”

“He’s making silly remarks about my colt!” Adam shouted.

“I did not! I only said it was a silly name!” Hoss yelled back.

“Yeah, well, I’m not calling him Socks or Star just ‘cos you like ’em.  They are stupid names!” Adam was still shouting.

“Calm down.” Marie got between them and glared at first one then the other. “Hoss, it’s Adam’s colt.  He can call it whatever he wants.”

Hoss pouted and stuck out his tongue at Adam who looked smug and superior.

“So, what is his name then, Adam?” she asked.

Adam glared at Hoss.  “I’m gonna call him Sport.”

Marie hid a smile, she could see Hoss’ point. “That sounds like a fine name.  I’m sure he’ll love it.  Now, instead of wasting your energy fighting, how about the two of you taking the bath and emptying it for me?”

Adam groaned.

“Now, please boys,” Marie warned sternly.

By the time they came back, Marie had finished tidying up and had disappeared into the kitchen to see if Hop Sing had any coffee ready.  Hoss seated himself on the hearth and leaned back against the warm stones;  it had been very cold outside.  Adam wandered over to the table and sat on the edge of it.  He picked up Marie’s guitar and idly picked at the strings making sharp discordant noises.

“Please don’t do that, Adam,” Ben said from the stairs.  “I’ve only just got Joe to go to sleep.”

 

Marie returned with a tray and set it down on the table beside Adam. “Would you like me to teach you to play?” she said taking the instrument from him and setting it down again.

Adam shrugged. “Yeah, if you want.”

“With enthusiasm like that you’ll learn in no time,” Ben said sarcastically as he settled into his chair. “How about a thank you?”

Adam nodded sheepishly.  “Yeah, thanks, Marie.  I’d like to learn properly.”

She moved around behind him and placed the guitar in his hands and he adjusted his position, resting his foot on the hearth to stop the guitar falling on the floor.  Marie took his left hand and placed it on the neck and moved his fingers on to the strings.

“Now, try to strum the guitar with your thumbnail.”

His first attempt produced a muted sound.  Marie moved in closer and adjusted his left hand so that the strings were no longer muffled.  Her long fingers guided his until she was happy that he understood what he was trying to achieve.  Her hands felt cool and relaxed, her touch firm and yet gentle.  He smiled up at her; this was fun!

“Try it again,” she said softly.

This time he produced a recognisable sound.

“Well done,’ she smiled.  “That’s E major, your first chord.  Another three or four and we’ll have you playing a tune.”

She repeated the process, moving his fingers again and covering his hands with hers.  “How about A,” she said, as she held his left hand in place while he strummed again with his right. After a little practice she moved his fingers again and showed him the chord of D.  “There!  Now we have the makings of your first tune.” She leaned over his shoulder and helped him to move fairly smoothly through the three chords, showing him how to move his fingers from one string to the other.  After three or four attempts it didn’t sound too bad.

“It will take a bit of practice before you can do that easily, but when you can you will be able to play your first melody.”

She settled herself in the chair and took the guitar on to her knee, using the three chords she had just shown him, she began to play an old English folk song.

“Sing, too!” Hoss said delightedly; he loved to hear his stepmother sing.

She smiled across at him and nodded.  Her voice was sweet and clear and Ben leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, while both boys watched in rapture: Hoss at the sound of her voice and Adam with fascination at the movements of her fingers and the gentle smile on her face.

 

“Early one morning, just as the sun was rising,

I heard a maiden singing in the valley below.

Oh, don’t deceive me, Oh, never leave me.

            How could you use a poor maiden so.”

 

She continued through the verses, lost in the sentiments of the song, until the last word and the last chord died away.

 

“That was beautiful,” Ben said softly, smiling at her.

“Will I really be able to play like that?” Adam asked, only half believing it.

“Really, but it takes a lot of practice.” Marie placed the guitar by the side of her chair.

Adam, keen to spend more time with his teacher, went to pick it up again.

“Not tonight. It’s getting late and it’s time you were both in bed.” Ben sat forward to pour the coffee for himself and Marie. He saw Adam about to protest and frowned. “Come on, now.  No arguments.”

Hoss had risen to his feet and Adam followed him sighing deeply.

“G’night Mama.” Hoss gave her a quick kiss and then moved over to hug his father, “Nite Pa.”

Ben hugged him. “Goodnight son, sleep well.”

Adam stopped at the bottom of the staircase.  “G’night Pa, Marie, and thanks for Sport.  He’s the best horse in the world.”

“Goodnight, son.”

Marie smiled up at him. “Happy birthday, Adam, and pleasant dreams.”

 

Adam couldn’t sleep.  He kept going over the day in his head.  It had been his best birthday ever.  Pa hadn’t been quite as silent as usual, although once or twice Adam had seen him staring off into the distance as if lost in thought.  He had his own colt and he was beautiful, and now Marie was going to teach him to play the guitar.  The sensation of her hands over his and her closeness when she had put her arms around him disturbed him a little.  He had always tried to keep her at a distance, to shut her out.  Why did he suddenly want her close to him?  He didn’t understand these feelings at all.

He lay back on the bed and laced his hands behind his head.  His eyes became heavy and he closed them.  Pictures of Marie swam in front of him:  Marie laughing, singing, talking to him, the scent of her hair, the sparkle in her eyes.  He fell asleep dreaming of his stepmother.  Pleasant dreams!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 24

 

 

Ben came in from the yard stamping his feet and rubbing his hands together.  He took off his coat and shook it before hanging it up inside the door.

From her seat by the fire, Marie sighed. “Do you have to do that in the house? I’ve only just cleared up the last lot of snow.”

Ben looked sheepish. “Sorry but it’s a bit cold to take your clothes off outside.” He walked over to her chair and leaned over to kiss her.

“And you won’t get around me like that, either,” she snapped.

Ben pursed his lips and tried to hide his smile. “Oh, then I won’t try.” He stood with his back to the fire and waited for her to look up. “What’s made you so out of sorts today?”

Marie put down her sewing and leaned back in the chair. “Your sons.”

Ben laughed out loud. “Oh, they’re only mine now, are they? What exactly have they done?”

“Nothing much I guess, but having them under my feet everyday is a bit tiring.  When is the snow going to clear enough for them to go back to school?”

“Well, they’re supposed to be doing some studying, doesn’t that help?” he asked.

Marie snorted. “Help! By the time they’ve finished fighting over who has the biggest part of the table and which books they are going to use the morning’s gone and I have to spend my time stopping Joe from annoying them.  Then in the afternoons Adam practices the guitar and my ears are beginning to wish I’d never started teaching him.”

He moved over to her and settled himself on the arm of the chair. “I’ll have a few words. Maybe if I took them off somewhere tomorrow it would help them to use up some surplus energy.  Lake Marlette is frozen over, we could go up there with the toboggan, maybe even start looking for a Christmas tree.  Anyhow, where are they now?  It all seems  quiet.”

“They took Joe for a walk, or rather a ride on the toboggan.  They won’t be long, it’s far too cold for him to be out much longer.” She got to her feet and Ben almost fell into the hearth as the chair tipped sideways.

“You might tell me when you are going to do that,” he grumbled regaining his balance with difficulty.

 

“Sorry, I need to help Hop Sing with supper.” She began to tidy away her sewing into a neat heap. “Why are boys so hard on clothes?” she asked absently.

Ben slid into the chair she had vacated and pulled his pipe and tobacco from his pocket.  “I’m riding over to the Hammond’s sometime this week.  We’ve lost a few more cattle and I want to see if they have any ideas.  I can’t think who can be driving them off in this snow, maybe they are just wandering looking for feed.” He lit his pipe and puffed on it thoughtfully. “Could be the Indians again, I suppose. They would only take what they needed to eat.”

Marie stopped her job of spreading the tablecloth and shuddered. “We aren’t going to have raids again this winter are we?”

Ben shook his head slowly. “Who knows? It depends on how hard things get for them.”

The conversation was interrupted by what sounded like a herd of cattle coming in through the door, as the three boys erupted into the living room.

“Shut that door!” Ben yelled, then his jaw dropped in astonishment. “What on earth happened to you?” he grabbed Hoss by the arm and pulled him toward the fire.  His clothes were soaked and were freezing on to him.

Marie ran for blankets while Ben quickly stripped off his son’s clothes.  He dried him, rubbing vigorously to restore the circulation and wrapped the shivering child in the blankets, cuddling him up close to impart some warmth.  Gradually the colour returned to Hoss’ cheeks and the shivering stopped. All the time they worked Adam stood to one side watching with wide-eyed apprehension. Even Little Joe was silent, clinging to his big brother, afraid to move.

At last Marie felt that Hoss was warming up and drew him close to her on the sofa while Ben fetched hot milk.  She looked up at Adam. “What happened? How did he get like this?”

Adam started to remove his coat, bending down to help Joe with his, trying to put off the explanations.

“Well?” she glared at him.

“We went to the pond.” He glanced up quickly. “It was all frozen over, I tested it, honest.” He dropped his head again. “We were pulling the toboggan across it and sliding on it and the ice cracked.  Hoss fell in but I got him out quick” he muttered.

Ben was standing at the kitchen door with the milk in his hand. “That pond is fed by a fast flowing stream and a spring, you know that.  You’ve also been told a hundred times not to trust the ice on it, haven’t you?” he demanded grimly.

Adam continued to fumble with Joe’s coat buttons, hoping Pa wasn’t expecting an answer.

Ben placed the milk in Marie’s hand and glared at his son. “Haven’t you?” he repeated.

Adam nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“Do you realise that Hoss could have frozen to death in these temperatures or been trapped under the ice?  What if it had been Little Joe?  He would never have survived long enough for you to get him out!” Ben stormed at him.

“But it wasn’t,” Adam responded sullenly. “And Hoss is alright”  His own guilt was making him feel bad enough he didn’t need his father’s lecture to bring home to him what could have happened.

 

Joe had run to his mother when Ben raised his voice and now he clung to her wide eyed.  He didn’t like it when Pa shouted.

Ben sighed. “Yes, he’s alright, but no thanks to you.  Just when are you going to grow up and show some responsibility?” He shook his head, then fixed his son with a stare. “If you helped him out, does that mean you got wet, too?”

Adam nodded. “A bit, but I only lay on the ice, so it was just my arms,” he said quietly.

“Well, come on over by the fire, or you’ll get frostbite too. Why on earth didn’t you say you were wet?” Ben grumbled trying to hide his concern under a gruff exterior.  He didn’t want to say anymore; he could see that Adam was shivering and he could tell that he felt guilty, there was no need to add to it. “But please try to do as you’re told in future,” he finished off, not quite able to let it go.  He sighed, “I suppose neither of you are up to doing chores tonight, so I’d better go and finish them.”

Marie waited until her husband had closed the door behind him before she got to her feet. “You finish up that milk, Hoss. I’ll go and get some for Adam and Little Joe.” As she passed Adam she reached out and patted his shoulder. “He’s not really angry with you, it worried him to see Hoss so cold and wet, that’s all.”

“I did check it out, I promise I did.” Adam looked up at her, his eyes intense and burning. “I wouldn’t do anything to harm Joe or Hoss.  I forgot about the spring.”

Marie nodded; she could see he was upset. “Come on, it’s over and all’s well, forget it now.”

“Pa won’t forget,” Adam moaned, sinking miserably to sit at the hearth, allowing the flames to dry and warm him. “He’ll be on at me for days.  I’m not gonna do anything with them again, its always my fault because I’m older.”

Marie moved away toward the kitchen with a smile on her face.  If he could revert to his regular complaint, he’d be fine.

 

The ice on Lake Marlette was solid and there was no danger of it cracking until the spring.  In fact it was the source of ice for the ranch for the summer.  After Christmas it would be sawn into blocks and transported to the icehouse to be packed in sawdust and kept as long as possible.  Adam was wary of going with his father and brothers the next day.  He felt that his father blamed him for the accident and being near ice again would give him the opportunity to repeat his lecture.  At breakfast he launched into a long explanation of why he would rather stay home, mainly centred on the need to catch up with his studying.  Ben frowned at the decision but didn’t argue with it, shrugging his shoulders and continuing his plans to take Hoss and Joe in the sled.

“Are we gonna get a Christmas tree up there?” Hoss asked his eyes shining.

Ben smiled. “Maybe check them out, its a bit early to cut one.”

“Tree,” said Joe with a giggle.

Hoss leaned towards him. “That’s right Joe. We bring a tree home and decorate it,”  Hoss explained.

Joe looked up at his older brother wide eyed and puzzled. “Why?”

 

Hoss shrugged. “Well, ‘cos it’s what we do at Christmas. We put candles on it and shiny things and candy.”

Joe’s eyes lit up, he knew the word candy. Hop Sing made candy and it was good. “Candy for Joe?” he asked.

Marie reached her hand across and directed his spoon to his plate. “Candy’s for good boys who eat their breakfast,” she said with a frown at her son.

Ben winked at Hoss. “You can explain all the details to him in the sleigh.  If you’ve finished your breakfast go and ask Hop Sing to fill the stone water bottles and wrap them up to keep our feet warm.”

Hoss pushed away from the table and raced into the kitchen.

 

Adam waited until they had gone and for Marie’s benefit spent an hour at the table with his books, then bored with studying alone he went out into the barn to work on his steam engine.  It was nearly finished, and he would soon be ready to test it.  He had gotten around the problem of the forge by asking Jose to teach him the rudiments of the blacksmith’s art, saying he needed to know so that he could replace shoes on the horses.  Under this guise he had managed to produce the parts he needed and to work with metal without arousing suspicion.  Obtaining the raw materials had been hard but not impossible. Mr Lawson had been only to happy to give advice not knowing that his pupil was actually putting that advice to practical use.

He had gone over his notes and his only problem now was how to heat the water.  The book said he needed a volatile substance and off hand he couldn’t think of anything he had that would produce the desired effect.  Finally he settled for the easiest way he could think of to produce heat, a candle.  He set up his experiment at the back of the house sheltered from the wind but the freezing temperature of the air around him defeated his efforts, in fact the water froze instead of boiling. He cursed a lot but it didn’t help.  He’d have to get inside where it was warmer and protect the flame so that all the heat rose upwards.

He had two choices his bedroom or the barn.  Neither were particularly warm, but his bedroom had the disadvantage that Marie would see him go upstairs and might come up to check.  She wouldn’t go out to the barn in this weather and the hands were all out until tonight.  He carefully carried the engine and all his tools inside and selected a spot as far away from the horses as possible.  He placed the candle holder on a bench and then built a frame around it to protect it and channel the heat upwards, on top of this rickety structure he placed the little model engine.  He took the matches from his pocket, and hesitated for a second knowing that he shouldn’t be doing this.  Pa must have told him and Hoss a thousand times about the danger of fire in the barn, then he rationalised his actions ‘Pa uses matches to light the lamps out here, it’s Ok if I’m careful,’  he thought.

 

He struck the match and lit the candle, putting the spent match into his pocket to ensure it wasn’t found on the floor, by Jake or Pa.  He protected the candle flame with the shell of a can and waited.  Now that he had gone this far, he was impatient for something to happen but after several minutes the water container wasn’t even warm.  He tried to contain the heat and raised the candle a little, he was so intent on his project that he didn’t hear the muffled sound of the sled in the yard nor the soft footfalls of his father and brothers.  His first inkling of disaster was when he heard his baby brother chuckling and Hoss tell him to shush.  Adam whirled around to see his father standing in the doorway with the blackest expression he had seen in a long while.  Behind him Adam could see Hoss, his eyes wide as saucers, with Little Joe in his arms.  As he turned, his arm caught the edge of the model engine which tottered on its stand and fell to the bench spilling the warm water and extinguishing the candle flame.

“What do you think you are doing?” Ben roared as he advanced towards his son.

Adam backed up until the bench stopped all further retreat.  His father snatched up the candle burning his fingers a little on the can as he did so, and held it under Adam’s nose.    “How many times have I told you not to light candles or matches in the barn?” he said fiercely, his eyes boring into his son’s.

Adam swallowed hard and stared at the floor. Yes, he had been told hundreds of times, his father was always on about it, needlessly to Adam’s way of looking at it.  He was quite old enough to light a lamp without supervision. Well, maybe thinking about it, a candle was a little different.

“Well?” Ben said impatiently.

“It was safe, I was watching it,” he replied quietly.

Ben clenched his teeth and closed his eyes turning away from Adam in anger. “Go to your room,” he barked.

Adam sullenly turned back to the model and picked it up.

“Leave that where it is,” his father ordered. “And the book,” he added as Adam went to pick up the slim volume he had been using for his instruction.

Adam glanced up.  What was Pa going to do with his model?  Surely all that work wouldn’t be for nothing!  At the moment this worried him more than whether he was going to be punished; that was a foregone conclusion.  He almost asked but the look in his father’s eyes deterred him, it would only bring more trouble.  He moved toward the barn door, skirting around his father and then heading for the house.  Ben shook his head in exasperation and picked up the model from the bench.  He turned it over in his hand; it was beautifully made and would no doubt work.  Adam certainly had a talent for making such things, but he wished he would talk about them a little more.  It was obvious from the workmanship that he had been using the forge, probably unsupervised, and now this experiment; he could have burned down the barn and hurt himself in the process.   Ben gathered up the book and then ushered Hoss ahead of him into the house.

 

Marie was standing at the bottom of the stairs when Ben and the boys came into the house and she turned and raised her eyebrows at her husband.

“What was all that about?” she asked, pointing up the staircase. “He came through here like a whirlwind muttering his usual phrase of how unfair you are.”

 

Ben glared. “Unfair! I suppose it’s unfair not to want the barn burned down and him with it, unfair to expect him to obey me, unfair to expect him to pay attention to what he’s told.”

“Hey!”  Marie raised her hand in protest. “Calm down, it’s not me you’re mad at.”

Ben shook his head and began removing his coat. “Sorry. I found him fooling around with a candle in the barn and it scared me to think what could have happened.”

Marie went over to him and touched his shoulder gently. “Tell me about it in a minute.” She bent down to Joe and began unbuttoning his coat and removing his scarf. “Let me get this young man sorted out then Hoss can take him in the kitchen for some milk and cookies.”

Ben gave a wry smile; he knew he was being gently reminded that it would be better if he waited until the younger boys were out of earshot.

“There, now you go with Hoss,” she said giving Joe a hug.

Hoss needed no second telling. His father’s temper made him want to leave the room and the thought of Hop Sing’s cookies was an added incentive. He was sure glad he wasn’t in his older brother’s boots at this moment.

Marie waited until the two boys had rounded the corner to the kitchen then turned back to her husband. “Calmer now?” she grinned.

Ben nodded. “I didn’t mean to yell at you.”  He sighed and sank down into his chair. “I wish I knew what gets into that boy sometimes. I mean, he’s intelligent enough to make that,”  he pointed at the little model which he had put on the table, “but he can’t see how dangerous a candle is in a barn filled with hay and straw!”

Marie picked up the engine. “What is it?” she asked turning it over in her hand.

Ben cocked his head on one side. “Some sort of steam engine. He’s made a good job of it. I never realised he could work metal like that or put together something so complicated without help. John Lawson gave him a book about them and he must have done it all from there.  I sometimes wonder if Lawson puts these ideas in his head.”

Marie put the engine down and crossed over to the fire.  “I think he can manage the ideas for himself.  You should hear some of the things he comes out with.  I’ve learned more in my two years with Adam than I ever did in school.  He likes to know how things work and he’s fascinated with all kinds of machinery.  You know he had me trying to describe a cotton gin a few weeks back, felt sure I knew how it worked because I’d seen one once.”

Ben was gazing into the fire and Marie reached over and touched his arm so that he looked up at her.  “What are you going to do about the engine?” she said softly.

Ben sighed.  “Oh, I don’t know. Take it away from him, I suppose, forbid him to do anymore experiments without permission and supervision.” He paused. “And try to make him understand why I’m so angry about the matches and the candle.  Maybe spending tomorrow doing some extra chores will help him to remember.” He pushed up from the chair. “I’d better go and speak to him now before supper.”

Marie watched him go up the stairs and shook her head.  She doubted that any amount of punishment or lectures was going to stop her stepson’s thirst for knowledge.

 

Adam was standing at the window staring out into the yard.  Half of him accepted that he deserved his father’s anger; he had, after all, disobeyed him on something quite important.  But the other half rebelled against being treated like a child.  He didn’t care what Pa said, he would get his model back or he’d build another.  He was determined to see this experiment through and prove it for himself.  He wandered over to his bookshelf and searched until he found the title he wanted.  Flipping open the book he turned the pages until he found the section on engines.  It wasn’t as clear and concise as the other book, the one Pa had confiscated, but it would do.  He jumped involuntarily as his bedroom door was pushed open and his father strode into the room slamming the door shut behind him.

“Uh! oh!  This is going to be some lecture,” he thought.  Pa looked quietly furious. He put his hands behind him and gently slipped the book on to the desk, hoping his father hadn’t seen the move.  It wouldn’t do to lose that book as well.

Ben stood in front of his son with his hands on his hips fixing him with a stern stare.  He waited until Adam could no longer hold his gaze and was forced to look down before he spoke.

“I don’t intend to repeat myself for the thousandth time,” Ben said quietly.  “You know perfectly well that what you were doing this afternoon was dangerous and in direct defiance of my instructions.  I assume that it was also planned.  Your reluctance to accompany me and your brothers to Lake Marlette and your insistence that you needed to study were all part of the plan.  A lie, in fact.”

Adam flicked a quick glance at his father.  “I was studying.  It was an experiment.”

Ben’s eyes flashed in anger. “Don’t get smart with me, young man.  It was not part of your school work and if Mr Lawson is encouraging you in such dangerous past times, I shall speak to him.”

Adam bit his lip, he didn’t want Pa yelling at his teacher or he might not loan him any more books.  He figured it was better to keep quiet at this point, though.  Pa’s temper was hot but usually short-lived unless he fuelled the flames by answering back.

“Since you are so keen to understand how things work and you have an interested in fire, tomorrow you can collect all the lamps together; they will need trimming and cleaning.  I’m sure Hop Sing will be most grateful.”

Adam sucked in his breath between his teeth, he couldn’t help it.  That had to be one of the worst jobs Pa could have found for him. It was messy and unpleasant and it would take all day and half the night, he thought miserably.

Ben gave a small satisfied smile. “Maybe that will help you to remember my instructions in the future.  I expect them all to be done to Marie’s satisfaction before it gets dark tomorrow night,” he finished grimly.  “Do you understand?”

Adam nodded. “Yes, sir,” he replied softly.  He stole a quick glance at his father and decided to risk the question.  “May I have my engine?”

Ben shook his head. “’No, you may not, and you do nothing like it again without my permission.  I’ll return the book to Mr Lawson for you.” Ben turned for the door and spoke over his shoulder.  “You have chores to do before supper, you’d better get started.”

 

Adam waited until the door closed then slammed his fist down on the desk and swore softly.  Cleaning lamps was bad enough, but to lose the engine which had taken so much of his effort for weeks was unfair.

 

By supper time the next day, Adam never wanted to see another oil lamp.  He was tired and dirty and his hands and clothes reeked of coal oil.  He had worked in the kitchen with an old cloth spread on the table and as he worked he muttered his complaints to Hop Sing, Marie or anyone else who would listen, but being careful not to let his father hear.

“Adam, complaining about it won’t get the job done,” Marie told him in the middle of the afternoon. “If you stopped whining about it you’d finish more quickly.”

Adam grunted. “It’s not fair.”

Marie caught his arm and forced him to look at her. “It’s very fair. You disobeyed your father and you are being punished.  Now, I don’t want to hear another word from you on the subject.”

Her green eyes fixed him with an angry glare and he started to look away, but something made him look back.  She was so close to him that he could smell her perfume, it was like roses¼, a tendril of hair had escaped from the pleat and was curling over her cheek.  He swallowed hard and blushed.  “I’m sorry,” he said softly.  Not sure what he was sorry about, except that now she had let go of his arm and was moving away from him.  He went back to his task reluctantly and kept his eyes fixed on the lamp in front of him, and made himself think of how much he hated this job.

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 25

 

 

 

“Maybe they’ve fallen in a drift someplace.  Since we had that blizzard just after Christmas its left some pretty deep ones.  Snow’s thick over the west of the valley.” Jake leaned on his saddle horn and stared off into the distance.

“I suppose it’s possible, but it’s strange that we never find anything, even a carcass would tell us something.  If it’s wolves or cougar there’d be some sign.” Ben shook his head.  “It’s got to be rustlers, but why only take a few at a time?”

“Mebbe that’s all they can sell without suspicion.  After all, you and the Hammonds are the only ones with  substantial herds, anyone else selling large quantities of beef would start folks talking,” Jake suggested.

“If I’m going to bid on this army contract, I’ve got to have enough cattle to make at least two deliveries this spring and summer and the way things are going we won’t have enough for one.” Ben’s worried frown deepened.  He raised himself slightly and looked around.  “Where did the boys go?”

Jake pointed off to the west. “Over to the snow bank,” he grinned.  “The idea was that they check the drifts but my guess is they’re sliding down ’em or throwing snowballs.”

Ben smiled. “Rounding them up is worse than finding the cattle.  They’re never where they should be.” He turned and headed off toward the snowbank that Jake had indicated.

 

Once Adam and Hoss had given a cursory glance over the area and decided there were no cattle, they had forgotten all about their father and Jake waiting for them.  First they had had a snowball fight and now they were sliding down the hard packed snow.  Both had rolled in the snow so many times that their clothes were white and they blended in to the surroundings making it difficult for them to be spotted at a distance.

“D’you think many of the herd are missing?” Hoss asked nervously as he lay back in the snow, after a long slide to the bottom of the slope.

Adam dropped on one knee beside him. “About six, Pa said, but they could be under one of these drifts.”

 

“What if it is rustlers? What’d happen to them if Pa caught them? ”Hoss asked anxiously, his face creasing up in a frown.

“I’m not sure, the nearest law is in Sacramento.  I guess they’d have to be taken there¼ or maybe they’d just be hanged right here.”

Hoss drew in a sharp breath.  “Pa wouldn’t hang someone, would he?” he gasped.

Adam turned his head sharply. “He might, it’s what other ranchers do where there’s no sheriff.”  He looked intently at his younger brother.  It was always easy to tell when Hoss was worried about something or hiding something and Adam had the feeling that he was right now. “Whadda’ you care about it, anyway?” he said slowly,

Hoss shrugged and began sifting the snow through his gloved hand. “I just wondered, is all.  I mean, it’s only a few.”

Adam got to his feet and hauled Hoss to his by his jacket. “Those few head could decide whether we eat or not next year, little brother.”  He pulled Hoss around to glare at him “What do you know?” he said fiercely.

“Nuthin’¼ I don’t know nuthin’,” Hoss stuttered, keeping his head down.

Adam pushed him hard and Hoss stumbled backwards into the snow drift. Immediately Adam was on top of him and the two began to roll down the slope as they fought

“Tell me or I’ll tell Pa,” Adam threatened, gaining the advantage for a moment.

Hoss struggled but it was no use, Adam was still a little stronger than he was.  He sighed.  “It’s Jenny’s Pa and Mr Bonner.  Jenny and I saw them that day I met you at Washoe.”

Adam released his brother and sat back in the snow in shock. “Are you sure?  Really sure?” he said carefully, fixing his brother with a stern glare that remind Hoss of Pa.

Hoss nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure.” He grabbed Adam’s sleeve. “You won’t tell, will ya?” he almost begged. “Rick’s your friend¸ you can’t let them hang his Pa!  What if it was us?”

Adam raised an eyebrow.  “It ain’t likely that Pa would steal from someone.  We gotta tell, Hoss.  We can’t let Pa and Mr Hammond keep losing cattle when we know whose doing it.”

Hoss scrambled to his feet. “You can’t tell! I promised Jenny I wouldn’t.”

Adam got up slowly. “We have to, Hoss,” he said gently. He glanced off into the distance, squinting against the sun. “Here’s Pa coming now.  You wanna tell him or shall I?”

Hoss struggled with his conscience. It was wrong to keep it from Pa but he desperately wanted to be true to his promise to Jenny.  The two things wouldn’t agree in his head and he hesitated a moment too long.

“All right, if you won’t then I will,” Adam said fiercely.

“No, Adam!” Hoss snapped back ‘I’ll tell him but not now, wait until we get home…,  please?” he softened his tone and looked pleadingly up at his older brother.

Adam shrugged. “Ok, but you do it tonight.”  He broke off as Ben pulled his horse up beside them. “We were just coming back, Pa,” he said quickly, aware that they had been gone far too long and his father wasn’t pleased.

Ben grunted. “You were supposed to be looking for steers, not fooling around in the snow.  Did you find anything?”

 

Adam shook his head. “Not a sign.” His face creased into a puzzled frown, Pa was trying very hard not to smile but he couldn’t imagine why he would be smiling at such bad news.  Then it hit him, literally; a snowball thrown from behind him.  He whirled around to see that Jake had crept up on them and was standing a few feet away laughing.

Adam bent down and grabbed a handful of snow, quickly forming it into a ball which he threw with unerring accuracy at the still-laughing Jake.  Within moments Hoss was joining in and Jake was on the defensive.

Ben moved over beside his foreman. “I think you need a hand,” he grinned.

 

Marie opened the front door as soon as she heard the horses, grabbing Little Joe as he made a bid for freedom in the yard.

“You stay put, young man.” She bent down to him and held him close to her. Joe struggled against her but she held him tight. “It’s far too cold for you to go outside without a coat.”

Ben allowed Jake and the boys to take his horse into the barn and he strode over to the house, stopping on the porch as Marie raised her hand in horror.

“Whatever happened to you?” she said pointing at his snow covered coat.

Ben grinned.  “Attacked by snowballs in the valley. Two very determined bandits, Jake and I tried to fight them off but they were too good for us.” He took off his coat and shook it on to the porch, scattering wet snow everywhere.

“Don’t bring that inside,” Marie ordered “Hop Sing has just finished polishing the floor;  he’ll refuse to cook supper if he sees it ruined with snow.”

Once Ben was free of his coat, he held out his arms for Joe. “What mischief have you been up to?” he asked, swinging him high in the air as they went into the house.

Joe giggled.  “I bin dood.  We made biscuits.”

Ben raised his eyebrows,  “Biscuits for supper sounds good.”

Marie laughed. “The ones Joe made are a little grubby. I think we’ll stick to Hop Sing’s for supper and now you’re back I’d better get and help him with it,” she said as she headed for the kitchen.

Ben sank into his chair and put Joe down by the fireplace beside some wooden blocks which had been built into a tower.  Joe went back to his task of stacking the blocks higher and his father watched with a gentle smile.  The concentration on his baby son’s face to make the blocks straight amused him.  It was obviously hard work. “What are you making Joe?” he asked, quietly.

“It’s a house,” Joe replied without taking his eyes off the next block in the tower.

“Is it going to have more walls?”

Joe considered carefully. “Yes¼ I build the chimney first.”

Ben smiled, it probably wouldn’t get past the chimney. Like his brothers before him Joe preferred to see how high he could build the tower before it crashed to the ground.  Ben had to admit that this one was the tallest Joe had managed so far.

The door crashed open and the two older boys fell into the room continuing the sparring as they removed their coats and shook snow all over the newly polished floor.

 

Ben glanced over to them. “You’d better get a mop and clear that up before Hop Sing or your mother sees it, or you’ll be going to bed hungry,” he grinned.

Adam rubbed the toe of his boot in the pool of water the snow had left. “It’ll dry out,” he said sulkily.

“Maybe it will, but you won’t be here to see it.  Now, do as I asked and fetch the mop.”

He watched as Adam shrugged and headed for the kitchen.  Hoss wandered over to the fireplace and admired Joe’s tower.

“Want any help, Joe?” he asked bending down beside his little brother.

Joe shook his head.  “No, don’t touch!” he shouted.

Hoss glanced up at his father and smiled, then seated himself on the hearth to watch the building.

Out of the corner of his eye, Ben saw Adam returned with the mop and begin wiping the floor inside the doorway.  It was a rather vague action and Ben could see that far from mopping up the water he was spreading it further over the polished surface.  “Do the job properly, please,” he called across to him.

Adam sighed but he began to make a better job of it and finally the floor was dried and he returned the mop to the kitchen.  When he came back he was still sulky and he moved around the table to where Joe was building.

“It’s not straight at the bottom”’ he observed. “It’s gonna fall over soon.  Let me straighten it up?”  He moved closer and bent down to move the bottom bricks into place, while holding on to those further up.

Joe wasn’t about to let his brother help him and he reached out to push Adam’s hand away.  Adam had already grasped the bottom bricks and as Joe pushed his hand the whole tower collapsed around them.

Joe screamed and lashed out at Adam.  His brother easily held him off and laughed.  Joe’s scream became a full blown tantrum and he kicked and yelled even louder, bringing his mother from the kitchen.  Ben grabbed his small son in his arms and tried to hold him still.  There was no point in trying to reason with him in this state.  He glared at Adam who looked a little guilty.

“I was only trying to help,” he muttered.

Ben shook his head and sighed.  He still held fast to Joe who was desperately trying to get at his older brother.

“What’s this one about?” Marie asked with a sigh. “It’s getting to be a bad habit, it must be the third time today he’s screamed the place down.”

Ben looked at her over Joe’s head and raised his voice to make himself heard. “Adam accidentally knocked his tower over.”

“I’ll build him something else,” Adam offered and began to re-assemble the bricks.

Slowly Joe’s tantrum subsided and he watched in fascination as a complicated building grew under Adams skilful hands.  He struggled to get down but this time it was to watch not fight.  He waited until all the bricks had been used and there was a structure which covered the area by the hearth and rose above the height of the table.

 

“Hey Adam, that’s real good,” Hoss said.

Ben nodded. “Yes son, that’s quite a design.”

“Do you like it Joe?” Adam asked.

Joe glanced up at his older brother and grinned. Ben recognised the expression and went to grab his baby son but it was too late.  Joe put out his foot and brought the whole thing toppling down, giggling as he did so.

Adam raised his eyebrows and for a moment Ben thought he was in for a fourteen-year-old version of the earlier tantrum but his son smiled and shook his head, ruffling Joe’s hair with one hand and tickling him with the other.

“I guess we’re even now, buddy”’

Marie looked at Ben over his head and raised her eyebrows.  Adam was certainly changing.

Adam glanced at Marie and noticed her smiling. “Can you teach me some more songs on the guitar tonight?” he asked.

Marie nodded.  “After supper, and after I’ve seen this young man safely to bed,” she said taking Joe from Ben’s arms and carrying him to his chair at the supper table.

Ben got to his feet to follow and Adam looked back at Hoss and mouthed. “When are you going to tell him?”

Hoss shook his head. “Later,” he replied equally silently.

Adam knew what that meant.  Hoss planned to tell Pa when he came to say goodnight to them.  It was a ploy used by both of them.  Pa was always softer and less likely to fly into a temper at bedtime.  If either of them had a confession to make or an apology to give it was the time they chose.  Adam wondered if Pa had guessed this ruse and allowed it to continue because it suited him to find out what they had been up to during the day without having to drag it from them.

 

Hoss got ready for bed very slowly, it was as if he believed that he could delay the inevitable.  He was just climbing into bed when Pa came tuck him in.

“What took you so long tonight?”  Ben asked.

Hoss shrugged. “Pa, has Mr Hammond lost a lotta steers?”

Ben tilted his head on one side; he knew the signs.  Hoss had something on his mind and it was something that he was reluctant to talk about.

“Yes, he’s lost about thirty head, add that to what we’ve lost and it’s a nice little profit for someone.  Why do you want to know?”

Hoss blushed and looked away, below he could hear Adam strumming softly on Marie’s guitar and he wished he could be sitting listening to the music instead of talking to Pa.

“I… I think I know whose taking ’em,” he said slowly, trying very hard not to look at his father.

Ben’s eyes widened in surprise.  He had been expecting a confession of some sort but not this.  “You what? Who? How do you know?” the questions were fired at Hoss like bullets from a gun.

 

Hoss shrank back into the bed.  Pa sounded very angry and it scared him.

“I think I saw Mr Bonner and Mr Curran and some other men taking about six of our cattle a while back.”

“What do you mean, a while back?  When?” Ben’s tone was sharp and demanding.

Hoss sniffed.  “The day I went to see Jenny¸ the day we were late home.”

Ben shook his head in disbelief. “That was more than two months ago. Why didn’t you tell me before this?”

Hoss knew how wrong he had been and the words wouldn’t come.  “I… I promised Jenny. I promised I wouldn’t tell,” he finally got out.

“Are you sure that those were the men you saw?” Ben’s voice dropped a tone and he put a hand under his son’s chin and lifted his head so that he was looking straight at him.

Nervously Hoss nodded. “Yes, sir.  I’m sure.  Jenny said it was them too.”

Ben moved toward the door distractedly.

“Whatcha’ya gonna do, Pa?” Hoss asked anxiously.  He had betrayed Jenny’s trust and he desperately wanted to know that no harm would come to her father.

Ben turned on his heel and saw the frightened look in Hoss’ eyes.  He walked back to the bed and sat down on the edge.  “First I’m going to talk to Mr Hammond and together we will decide how we can get some evidence to prove what you are telling me.”  He looked hard at his young son. “It would have been a whole lot easier if you had told me the day you saw this.”

Hoss blushed a deep shade of red and dropped his eyes to the quilt.

“Son, what these men are doing is wrong.  They are stealing.  Those cattle represent our livelihood, it’s like taking the food off our table.  Do you understand?”

Hoss nodded without lifting his head.

Ben reached out and put an arm around him.  “I know Jenny is your friend and you feel you want to look after her, but what her father is doing is wrong and he has to be stopped. Have you told anyone else about what you saw?”

Hoss glanced up. “Just Adam.?”

“How long has he known?”  Ben snapped.

“I only told him today, when we was up with the herd,” Hoss said quickly, not wishing to get his older brother into any  trouble.  It was obvious that Pa expected Adam to tell him as soon as he knew and not keep it a secret as he had done.

Ben got to his feet again and patted his son’s shoulder. “Well, don’t tell anyone else and stay away from the valley unless you are with me.  I’ll talk to Mr Hammond and we’ll work out some way to trap them.”

“Whatch ‘ya gonna do when you get them Pa?” Hoss asked anxiously, his face creased in a frown.

“Don’t you worry your head about that, son. Mr Hammond and I will take care of it.”  Ben was almost at the door when Hoss called out again.

“You won’t hang them will you?” his voice had a note of panic in it.

Ben smiled. “I don’t think it will come to that, son. Now you get to sleep. Good night.”

 

‘ ‘Nite, Pa,’  Hoss replied as he snuggled down under the covers.

Ben went down the stairs slowly, deep in thought.  Catching the rustlers wouldn’t be easy.  If he had known the day after Hoss had seen them there would have been a chance of at least catching them with the hides.  Now he would have to rely on knowing exactly when they hit again and following it up immediately.

 

For two weeks Ben and the Hammonds posted hidden guards on the herds and checked daily to see if any cattle were missing. On the fifteenth day of watching they were rewarded, seven of the Hammond cattle disappeared.  The guards had seen nothing but Ben and Chad immediately went to Bonner’s house and confronted him, while Tom checked up on Curran.

Chad went to the back of the house while Ben approached the front door.  He didn’t need to knock for as he reached for the handle, Jeff Bonner came hurtling through the door.

“Jeff¸ you come back here!” a woman’s voice yelled.

Ben stepped back in surprise as the boy rushed past him and into the street.

“Oh!  I didn’t know anyone was there,” the young woman said as she threw open the door to follow the boy.

Ben guessed that she was in her mid-twenties and could have been a very attractive woman, but her hair was hanging lank around her shoulders, her face careworn and tired.  The faded blue dress she wore would be more suitable for cleaning rags, he thought.  The room beyond her was sparsely furnished and not very clean, a baby girl of around Joe’s age dressed in a boy’s grubby shirt was wailing loudly for attention.  Bonner obviously cared nothing for his wife or children to allow them to live like this.

“It’s Mr Cartwright, ain’t it?  Adam’s Pa?” her voice was softer than Ben had expected and he felt a surge of pity for her.

“Yes, it is, Mrs Bonner.  Is your husband at home?”

She shook her head. “No, he ain’t been here all day.” She glanced away from him in embarrassment. “I guess you’ll find him in the saloon.  He’s always there when he’s got a bit of money on him,” she added bitterly.

Ben turned sharply as he heard footsteps behind him, his hand automatically going for his gun.  He relaxed when he saw it was Chad,  but stiffened again when he saw what his friend was carrying.

“No doubt about it, Ben.  I found these hides buried under the shack.  He ain’t had time to get rid of them yet.”  Chad held out one of the hides clearly marked with his brand.

Mrs Bonner gasped. “No,  please no!” she cried.

“I’m real sorry, Ma’am,” Chad offered. “But there’s no doubt¸ your man’s been stealin’ from me and Ben here for several months.”

Mrs Bonner began to cry and the baby’s wails grew louder at the sound of her mother’s sobs.  Ben glanced at Chad and sighed.  He bent down to the little girl and gathered her into his arms trying to soothe her cries.

Chad patted the woman on the shoulder. “Don’t take on so, Ma’am¸ Ben and I ain’t about to take it out on you or the child.”  He looked over at his friend for confirmation and got it.  “We ain’t gonna see you and the little ones starve ‘cos of somethin’ your man done.”

Mrs Bonner looked up and wiped her eyes on a grubby sleeve. “But you’ll hang him or send him to jail and I’ll have no one to support me.”

Ben handed the now quieted baby back to her mother. “’No one is going to hang.  Chad and I will work something out so that we get our money back.”

They left Mrs Bonner, who was still not convinced that her world hadn’t ended, and headed for the saloon.

“I ain’t so sure that hanging Bonner wouldn’t be doin’ that poor woman a favour. Can you imagine leaving your wife and kids in a slum like that while you was out drinking?” Chad asked in disgust.

Ben shook his head. “She must be around Marie’s age and she looks ten years older.  At least I can see why those boys run wild.  Adam’s always telling me they do what they like.  I guess Bonner doesn’t care and she can’t control them.”

They were nearing the saloon and Chad caught his friend’s arm. “What we gonna do with Bonner and Curran?  It’s a long way to Sacramento and we couldn’t get ’em there for another couple of months at least.  Donner and Truckee won’t be open for at least that long.”

Ben rubbed his chin. “You think we could get them to work it off and warn them that if there’s any trouble we’ll take them to the law when the pass opens?”

Chad screwed his face up in a frown.  “They’ll take some watching.”

“Bonner maybe, but I don’t think Curran would run without his family,” Ben replied.

Chad gave a short laugh. “Alright if you take Bonner and I take Curran¸ I’ll go along with it.  What about the other two Hoss saw?”

“We’ve no idea who they are and I doubt Bonner’s gonna tell us, so I guess we have no choice but to forget about them,” Ben sighed.

 

“You have to be joking?”

Marie stood in the middle of the living room and her eyes blazed at her husband. “One minute you’re telling Adam not to associate with Rick and the next you’re employing his father. The man’s a cattle thief and heaven knows what else.” She threw up her hands and shook her head in disbelief.

Ben raised his hand, too, then dropped it to her shoulder. “I’m hardly employing him.  He’s going to work off what he owes for the cattle he stole and I’m not paying him a cent.”

Marie snorted in derision. “And you’re going to watch his wife and children starve, are you?”

Ben tipped his head on one side and stared at the floor in a gesture similar to his oldest son’s when he was being lectured. “I thought maybe they could have the old cabin, that way he could be near them and I could still keep an eye on him.”

Marie’s eyes opened wide. “Now I know you’re crazy! His first visit and he’ll be gone.”

 

“Alright, alright, I won’t suggest it. He can stay in the bunkhouse where Jake can watch him and the family can visit him out here.  I’ll give some money direct to his wife that way the children’ll be taken care of.”

Marie shook her head.  “We can hardly afford to feed ourselves and now you want to take on a second wife and three more children.”

Ben grinned. “I hadn’t planned on becoming a Mormon but if you think that would help?” he broke off in order to duck Marie’s right hand.

“You are impossible!” she yelled and then began to laugh.

“I promise to make sure it doesn’t affect us at all, how does that sound,” he said softly, taking her in his arms and giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek.

Marie turned to him and ran her hand down his cheek. “Why do I always go along with your crazy ideas?”

“Because you’d do exactly the same. You wouldn’t let those children go hungry because of what Frank’s done anymore than I would.  Anyway if I get the army contract none of us will go hungry.  We can build up the herd over the next five years using the money from the horses and then we…”

Marie stopped him mid-sentence with a kiss. “I know the dream, you don’t have to repeat it.  We go without now to build a future for the boys,”  she laughed lightly.

Ben held her away from him and his face was suddenly very serious. “I don’t want you to go without anything.  Someday I’ll buy you all the things you dream of, I promise.”

“Don’t be silly, I have everything I want right here.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER  26

 

 

 

Hoss leaned back and closed his eyes, the motion of the rocking chair on the porch and the warm May sun made him sleepy.  After a moment he opened one eye to check on Little Joe.  His two year old brother was sitting in the middle of a heap of sawdust and digging holes with his chubby hands, every now and again he would throw some in the air and it would fall all over his curly hair like the snow that was now melting on the mountains.  Hoss supposed he should do something to stop him getting so messy but he was too lethargic to move.  He had spent the morning splitting kindling for Hop Sing as a punishment for fighting with Adam last night and he wanted to spend his Saturday afternoon sleeping.  His older brother was supposed to be in charge this afternoon, Joe was his problem.

He looked over to where Adam was working with Sport and all that energy being expended by the two of them made him close his eyes again.  He wished he could have a colt of his own but his father wouldn’t hear of it; said he was too young to train a horse.  He grumbled under his breath, he could sure make a better job of it than Adam was doing. Sport was proving to be as lively and unpredictable as Sable.  Hoss thought back to the winter months; he and his older brother had been fighting an awful lot; shut up in the house with only occasional days in school or short trips to check on the herd had bred cabin fever and quick tempers.  Hoss resented the way Adam had begun to monopolise their stepmother.  A few short months ago his older brother had barely tolerated her, now he spent every spare minute in her company.   So what if she was teaching him to play the guitar?  It didn’t mean he had to be with her all the time, did it?

Hoss missed Jenny terribly.  He still hadn’t made many friends at school and her anger at him for betraying her father hurt.  He had tried to explain that he had no choice but she wouldn’t listen.  At least her Pa wasn’t in jail and she was able to visit him at the Hammond ranch. Hoss hoped that in time she would understand.  He envied his older brother; Rick and Jeff didn’t seem to care that their Pa was a thief.  They visited the ranch regularly with their stepmother and baby sister and spent most of the time with Adam.  Hoss smiled to himself.  Pa didn’t approve of the time Adam spent with the Bonners and he was always in trouble about it.

 

Lost in his thoughts, Hoss didn’t see or hear his baby brother toddling over to the woodpile and practising his mountaineering skills, until there was an almighty crash and a loud wail.  Hoss opened his eyes and jumped to his feet.  The badly stacked logs which Adam had angrily thrown into place this morning had slipped taking Joe with them.  He now lay spreadeagled amongst the fallen logs howling.

Hoss ran to his side and picked him up.  He didn’t seem badly hurt just a few scratches and a bump on his head but his yells were enough to wake the dead.  Hoss had barely begun to comfort him when Marie rushed out of the kitchen.  She grabbed Joe from him and tried to soothe him but his tears increased and he buried his head in her shoulder.  Adam sauntered over to see what all the fuss was about and leaned on the saw bench, unconcerned at his brother’s tears.

“Can’t you watch him for five minutes?” Marie snapped at him.

Adam shrugged.  “He’s alright.  He only yells so someone will make a fuss of him,”  he replied disgustedly.

It was true that Joe’s tears were stopping remarkably quickly now that he was the centre of attention.

“Anyhow, it was Hoss’ fault not mine,” he added accusingly.

“It is not!” Hoss jumped in, indignant at his brother’s accusation. “Pa said you was to watch him.”

“I was working, you were just sitting on the porch being lazy” Adam retorted.

Hoss moved closer to his brother and threatened him with a fist. “You was only fooling around with that dumb horse, that ain’t workin’.”

As they stood close to each other Marie was surprised to see that they were almost the same height; Hoss was going to outgrow his older brother before very much longer in both height and build.  The two boys began to spar and make silly comments as only brothers can and she shifted Joe to one arm in order to put the other between them.

“That’s enough!” she snapped. “Don’t you ever learn?  Your father punished you last night for fighting and you’ve only just finished the extra chores he gave you.  Do I have to give you some more?”  her voice was sharp and her green eyes flashed at them.

Both boys stepped back and Hoss stared at his feet and blushed.  Adam pursed his lips and waited for her to continue, he knew by the look that she had by no means finished with them yet.

“Your father has very important visitors tonight and I have a million things to do.  If you can’t manage to do a simple task like looking after your brother then you can come inside and help me.”

Adam groaned and glanced skywards.

“And don’t make that face,” she snapped at him. “Go and deal with Sport and then get inside and don’t take all day about it.”  She headed for the house pushing Hoss in front of her.

Adam turned back to the corral muttering under his breath.  He worked as slowly as he dared but over the winter he had learned fast that Marie’s temper could rival his father’s.  He had enjoyed their guitar lessons and their discussions on every subject he could think of, but he had never known anyone who could fly into a rage quite so quickly as she could.  By the time he had finished and made his way to the kitchen, Hoss had been given the job of setting the table with the best china.  Little Joe was seated in the corner eating cookies and in charge of the cat, which was curled up in his lap.  “Spoiled brat,” Adam thought but he kept the words to himself and leaned nonchalantly on the door frame awaiting orders.  They weren’t long in coming.

Marie spotted him immediately and her temper flared again at his insolent attitude. “About time, too. Don’t just stand there.” She held out a paring knife. ‘You can start on the vegetables.’

Adam groaned again and was about to protest once more until he saw Marie’s expression.

“One more word, young man, and you’ll be peeling vegetables for a week,” she warned sharply.

He turned to the potatoes and carrots muttering under his breath.  These were girls’ chores.  He glanced up at Hop Sing and sighed.  Hop Sing obviously didn’t think so and Adam had a lot of respect for the little Chinese cook, life had certainly been easier since he arrived.  They worked without talking for about half an hour until Adam put down his knife and took the parings outside.  When he came back, Marie and Hop Sing were standing by the stove and both were waving their arms around in exaggerated gestures.  Marie was waving a slice of apple and a small knife at Hop Sing and instructing him in a mixture of French and English, trying to explain how she intended to create some very complicated French dish.  The cook answered in a mixture of Chinese and English and dodged back and forth in an effort to avoid the apple and the knife.  It was like some bizarre dance and so comic that Adam couldn’t help laughing.

 

Marie glanced up with a frown then she, too, saw the funny side of the situation. “Its not easy,” she grinned. “I’m not sure either of us understands the other enough to explain this recipe.”  She turned back and resumed her strange conversation.

Adam was relieved that she was smiling again.  Tonight was important to the ranch and everything must go well.  A government agent and an army colonel were coming to dinner to discuss the supply of beef and saddle horses to the various army posts that had been established to safeguard the route to the California gold fields.  If his father could win the contract then the Ponderosa would have a steady income for the next three years.  A lot depended on this dinner; Pa had to persuade the officials that although he didn’t have horses or cattle enough at the moment, he could be trusted with advanced monies and would not let the army down.  He looked up, startled from his thoughts, as Marie called his name.

“ADAM!”

It was obvious it wasn’t the first time she had said it. “Will you please stop daydreaming and fetch me some more flour from the storeroom?  See if you can find a larger meat dish than this too, I know we have one somewhere.”

At that moment the cat squealed and shot under her feet and Joe chuckled.  Marie sighed.  “And take Joe with you. He’s getting restless again.”

“Come on, buddy,” Adam grinned reaching out to take hold of Joe’s hand and help him down from the chair.

Joe shook him off.  “I do it by ‘self,” he said stubbornly.

Adam raised his eyebrows and grinned; there was a hell of a lot of him in his little brother.  Both of them were stubborn and independent.

The storeroom was dingy and a little cold, Adam left the door open but it was still difficult to see into the far corners and Joe clung to his older brother’s leg, not quite brave enough to venture in on his own.   The flour was on the lowest shelf and Adam could see that easily but he needed to search for the meat dish.

“Come on, Joe, let go of me for a minute.” He bent down to his little brother. “Here you hold the flour for me, while I look for this dish.”

He began to poke in the cupboards and move things from the shelves, it must be here somewhere, finally saw it on one of the top shelves.  He reached up for it and his hand touched something else; his steam engine.  So that’s where Pa had put it.  He had almost forgotten all about it over the winter.  He took it down and turned it over in his hand.

“What  ‘dat?” a little voice asked.

“Nuthin’,” Adam replied, still examining the engine.

“What nuthin’?” Joe asked.

Adam grinned and knelt down beside his brother. “Its an engine, Joe.  I made it.”

“Why?” Joe persisted.

Adam sighed. “It’s difficult to explain¼ if you like I’ll show you a picture of one, but you mustn’t tell anyone that you saw this.”

“Why?  Is it secret?” Joe’s endless questions could be very tiring. Adam sometimes wondered if he had driven his father mad with questions when he was Joe’s age.

“Yeah, it’s kinda secret.  Pa would be angry if he knew I’d got it, and you don’t like it when he shouts, do you?” Adam said with a frown, hoping the message was getting through to his little brother.  He wanted to take the engine to his room and it would never do for Pa to find out.

Joe shook his head, wide eyed, he hated it when Pa was angry.

“You go take the flour to your Mama, while I take this to my room, I won’t be long, so don’t tell her where I am. OK?” Adam straightened up, gathering the meat dish and the engine into his arms and ushered Joe toward the front door and then into the kitchen.

He slipped quietly up the stairs and left the engine under his bed.  He was back in the kitchen before Marie had even noticed he was missing.  He and Hoss helped Hop Sing wash up all the cooking utensils while Marie started to get a protesting Joe ready for bed.  When he was washed and in his nightshirt, Marie tried to take him upstairs but he began to shout.

“Want Adam!” he yelled holding out his arms for his older brother.

Marie shook her head in amazement. It wasn’t often he called for anyone but his mother at bedtime.

“Adam show me pictures,” Joe wailed. “He promised.”

Adam held his arms out for his brother. He needed to get him out of here quickly before he mentioned the engine.

Marie raised her eyebrows. “Exactly what pictures are you going to show him?”

Adam was already half way to the stairs and he spoke over his shoulder. “Oh, just some stuff in one of my books.”

 

Marie watched them go up the stairs with a puzzled frown, her stepson was being evasive, she was sure of it, but she couldn’t imagine why.  She shrugged and went back to her preparations for dinner. She hadn’t got time to worry about it now, her guests would be arriving in half an hour and she needed to finish up in the kitchen and change her dress.

 

Adam found the book with the pictures of steam engines and perched himself on Joe’s bed to show it to him and explain how they worked.  His little brother found it difficult to understand how engines could travel along rails and carry passengers like wagons and Adam got more and more confused by Joe’s questions.

“Well, I don’t quite understand it either, Joe, but they do.  Maybe one day we’ll get to see one or even travel on one,” Adam explained patiently.  “Now you gotta go to sleep and I’ve got to change into clean clothes for Pa’s visitors.”

“I wanna see men,” Joe pleaded.

“Sorry, buddy. You’re not big enough to stay up so late.” Adam closed the book and began to tuck the covers around his brother.  He could see that a tantrum was likely unless he found something to amuse him.  “Hey, you snuggle down and I’ll go find Ginger and bring him up to keep you company.”

Joe’s eyes immediately lit up.  He loved having Honey or Ginger to cuddle but neither were allowed upstairs.  “Mama’ll be cross,” he whispered.

Adam winked conspiratorially, “Not if you keep real quiet.  She won’t know.  I’ll come in when I go to bed and fetch him to put him outside for the night.”

Joe tried to wink too, but only succeeded in closing both eyes.

Adam laughed. “Night, buddy.  Sleep well.”

When Adam crept back a few minutes later with the ginger cat, Joe was already yawning and cuddling down under the quilt.

 

Adam changed quickly into a clean shirt and pants and reluctantly put on a tie. Dressing up to go somewhere special was just about bearable, except they never went anywhere; dressing up to stay home for dinner was silly.  Pa had warned both him and Hoss to be on their best behaviour and only speak if spoken to. At least, he thought, there might be some interesting conversation.  Mr Steele was from Washington.  Adam dreamed of one day going to Washington.  He wanted to see government at work; to listen to debates, maybe even be involved in some small way.  He sighed, out here it was months before he even got to see a newspaper.  How could it be news when it had happened three or four months ago?  That was history!  He hoped the conversation would turn to politics, he wanted to know if the rumours that Utah was to become a territory were true.

He descended the stairs slowly lost in thought and didn’t look up until he was on the bottom step.  He almost gasped at the scene before him.  The table was set with the best china and glasses, some Pa had brought with them, some had been purchased in San Francisco but by far the most beautiful had come with Marie from New Orleans.  But it wasn’t the table that impressed him.

Marie was putting the finishing touches to a bowl of spring flowers and as she leaned forward the candlelight made her dark hair shine. It was in a style he hadn’t seen her wear before, brushed to one side and tied with a green velvet ribbon, it fell in soft waves over her left shoulder and on to the low cut neckline of her dress.

The dress, too, was one he had never seen her wear, soft folds of dark green velvet with tiny puffed sleeves and a deep V of cream lace and velvet ribbon across the bodice.  The colour of the dress reflected in her green eyes making them sparkle and Adam thought he had never seen anyone so beautiful.

He was still standing on the bottom step transfixed by the vision of his stepmother when Ben came down the stairs and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, you clean up quite well,” he grinned. “Where’s Hoss?”

Adam snapped his head up as if recovering from a trance. “He’s just coming.”

Ben was dressed in a grey suit with a fancy vest and white shirt, looking very distinguished and as he moved over to kiss Marie, Adam turned away.  He didn’t know what was wrong but he felt a surge of resentment.

Marie glanced up and saw Hoss coming down the stairs. “Well, three handsome escorts to dinner, what more could I want.”

Ben grinned.  “A government contract.  And if Steele doesn’t give it to me after seeing you, then he’s blind.” He turned her around in the candlelight and spoke softly. “You look beautiful, I’m not sure I can share you, even just for dinner. Maybe I can get Steele to sign quickly and go, then I can have you all to myself.” He gently touched her hair and kissed her cheek again.

Marie tried to frown but her delight at the compliment spoiled the effect. “Try to follow your own instructions and behave yourself,”  she laughed.

 

Dinner was a success; Marie and Hop Sing more than met the challenge of making Mr Steele and Colonel Brogan mellow and ready for Ben to persuade to his point of view. Dessert in particular had impressed Mr Steele.  Marie had used a French recipe for baked apples and with fresh cream it had been delicious.

“You must let me have that recipe for my cook in Washington, Mrs Cartwright.  It would be most impressive for my political dinner guests. I might even try it out on the President.  The discussions get quite heated and a flaming dessert would suit the mood.”

Ben smiled.  “Pity it has to use good French brandy to achieve it.”

Marie stood behind his chair and rested her hand on his shoulder. “I imagine that as a southerner President Taylor will probably already know it,” she smiled. “It should be doused in Calvados but any volatile alcohol with a distinctive flavour will do, it just has to produce the flaming effect and flavour the apples.”

On the far side of the fire place Hoss was setting up a game of checkers and he had to nudge Adam to get him to make the first move. Adam’s eyes were fixed on Marie as she spoke and his brain was whirring with the beginnings of an idea.

 

The boys played a couple of games before Marie gently touched Hoss’ shoulder and indicated that it was time for him to go to bed.  He politely said goodnight to everyone and went up the stairs leaving Adam to sink back into his chair and listen to the adult conversation.  The business of the evening had been discussed and both Steele and Brogan had agreed that the contract should go to the Ponderosa.  Brandies had been handed around and the men sat sipping their drinks and discussing the world in general.  Adam listened and learned.  He wished he was old enough to join in and give his opinions but he knew Pa would frown on any interruption from his son.  Talk turned to the new territories and Adam pricked up his ears, maybe he would find out what was really news.

“I feel sure the territories will be created with no restrictions,” Steele was saying.

“With California admitted free, the balance in the Senate will shift away from the South and slavery,” Brogan added.

“Does that mean that we in the new territories are going to be used to gain political points, Mr Steele?”  Ben asked, his voice clearly showing his contempt for the idea.

“Now, Mr Cartwright, aren’t we all pawns in the game?  The advance of slavery must be stopped at all costs,” Steele said sharply, he turned to Marie and gave an oily smile. “You are from Louisiana, I believe, you must have seen the ill treatment of slaves.  Do you not agree that it is an evil that should be removed?”

Ben’s face showed his alarm.  He had never discussed politics with Marie, he had no idea what her views were on slavery, but he knew she wouldn’t shy away from stating her opinion forcefully.  Please don’t let it lose me this contract, he prayed.

Marie smiled gently at Steele.  She didn’t like him and she had no intention of rising to the bait, but she also had no intention of letting him get away with blanket statements.

“Yes, Mr Steele, I am from Louisiana.  I agree the ill treatment of any human being is to be despised.  I take it from your comment that you are for abolition.” She paused and he could feel her appraising him as his political opponents did. “If you free the slaves what do you intend to do with them?”

Steele looked startled. “Do with them?  I don’t understand.”

Marie gave him a superior smile.  “Yes Mr Steele, thousands of freed men, women and children on the streets of southern cities.  Will you employ them, feed them, house them, or does your policy end when they are free? Freeing all slaves will bring the south to its knees.  There will be no southerner who will be able to afford to employ more than a tenth of those you free.  So I ask you again, will your abolitionist friends give them food and shelter and provide them with gainful employment or will you turn them loose to steal to keep their families fed?  Many slaves are ill treated, I won’t deny that, but many more are well fed and cared for by sympathetic owners who could not afford to keep them if they had to pay wages,”  she held up her hand to stop his enraged interruption. “It doesn’t make it right but it does mean that a policy to give them freedom needs a little more than empty rhetoric.”

Brogan smiled. “She’s got you there, Andrew.  There’s been a lot of shouting about abolition but very little about what happens next.  If you and your political allies get this wrong we could be counting the cost for a hundred years.”

 

 

Marie glanced apprehensively at her husband, she hadn’t meant to criticise a guest but Steele’s assumption that she would back him to keep the contract irritated her.

“You speak with some authority on the subject, do I take it that your family are slave owners, Mrs Cartwright?” Steele asked acidly.

Marie shook her head. “No Mr Steele, my family were not wealthy enough to own slaves.  My authority comes from belonging to another oppressed minority.  Creoles have been persecuted for years; we know all about slavery from the inside.” She gave a winning smile. “And, of course, from being a member of the ultimatum oppressed group, women.”

Brogan couldn’t help it.  He laughed out loud at his colleagues discomfort. “Mrs Cartwright, if you ever decide to go into politics please let me know!  I’d back you against any of the fools we have in Washington.”

Adam watched the exchange with open admiration, he had shared long discussions with his stepmother but never had he heard her speak with such passion.  He wondered  if she was really in favour of the abolition of slavery or if she was tempering her views to avoid further upsetting Mr Steele, but then she had done that already.  No, he decided, Marie would never compromise her opinions to keep a man like Steele happy.  For the first time in their relationship he felt intensely proud of her.

“I think it’s time we were going,” Steele said, huffily getting to his feet.  “I’ll write to you about the contract,” he added, his eyes snapping at Ben in anger.

Ben watched helplessly as Steele took his coat and made for the door.  Colonel Brogan followed him slowly.

“Thank you for a most delicious dinner and a very enjoyable evening, Mrs Cartwright.  I can’t think when I’ve enjoyed myself more.” He leaned toward Ben. “The contract will be with you tomorrow.”

Ben looked puzzled. “But….”

“Don’t worry.  Andrew would never let politics interfere with business.  Today it’s the Wilmot Proviso, tomorrow he’ll be championing the export of cheap cotton.  The sad thing is he can’t see that one is in direct conflict with the other.  The government needs your beef and your horses and I intend to see that they get them.”

 

Ben closed the door behind his guests and turned around to face Marie, for a second he looked angry.

“Alright, I’m sorry, but I don’t intend to be told what to think by some northern politician who’s never seen a plantation in his life.  I won’t be dictated to,” Marie said forcefully.

Ben grinned. “Heaven forbid that any man would try to dictate to you, they’d be lucky to escape with their lives.” He put his arms around her.

“Oh, Ben!  Do you think he will change his mind about the contract because of what I said?” she looked so distraught that Ben had to smile again.

 

“No, I don’t.  I think Brogan is right, our Mr Steele sways with the wind and at the moment he is tasked with finding supplies for the western army.  He knows that what we have to offer is the best he will get and he’s not about to pass that up for a principle.  In fact, I’m not sure that Mr Steele has any principles, at least none that don’t serve Andrew Steele.”

Adam stirred uncomfortably in his chair he wanted to ask Marie about her views on slavery but wasn’t sure how to do so without incurring his father’s anger. He was pretty sure that his father had forgotten he was there.

“Marie…” he started hesitantly. “What…I mean… the slaves, are they really badly treated?”

Ben swung around, startled at his son’s voice. “I don’t think you are old enough to get into political discussions,” he said quickly.  “It’s way past your bedtime.”

Marie rested her hand gently on her husband’s arm. “No, Ben.  If he’s old enough to ask, he’s old enough to understand.”

Ben nodded slowly.

Marie bent down to Adam’s chair. “It’s an inhuman system Adam, but its been in place for so long that no thinking person knows how to dismantle it without hurting the very people they want to help.  People like Steele think its simply a matter of making a proclamation and all their troubles will be over; they won’t, that is just the beginning.  Thousands of people will need houses and jobs, without that there will be violence and vigilantes.  For a lot of southerners and some northerners, too, the Negroes are less than human and they won’t think twice about treating them as animals whether they are free or not.  Many of the so called abolitionists are shouting loud but when it comes to doing anything to employ or house the freed slaves they will suddenly become very quiet.”

Ben nodded his head slowly. “You’re right, of course, but I can’t see how we can influence anything out here in the west, we don’t even have representation for ourselves.”

Marie glanced up at him and sighed. “That’s why the extremists on both sides will get their war, because moderates always think they are a lone voice.  Everyone should speak out and be heard.  Isn’t that what democracy is supposed to be about?”

Adam caught the fire in her eyes and knew that she was speaking from the heart.  She had known discrimination first hand, it had been a part of her life and it was that which the gave her strength and purpose.  He vowed that if ever he got the opportunity he would speak out just as she had tonight.  No… more than that.  He would make that opportunity.

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 27

 

 

Adam’s dark head was bent over his notebook and his brow was furrowed in concentration.  The history test was harder than he had expected and he wished he had spent more time studying last night instead of working on his plan for his engine.  There had been no time to do anything this last weekend, Pa had taken him out with all the hands to round up more horses for the army.  Since he had won the contract Pa seemed to spend every hour of daylight working and he expected Adam to do the same.  Adam silently cursed the contract.  He knew it was vital to them but he was now working as hard as the hands and he still had his schoolwork to do.  Pa treated him like a kid but expected him to work like a man, it wasn’t fair.  Marie treated him as an equal, she had shown that the other evening when she had included him in an adult conversation, why couldn’t his father see that he was grown-up?

Finally the last question was answered and he sat back and sighed.  He put down his pencil and looked around the room, the younger children were working on their arithmetic and Mr Lawson was moving from one to the other checking and giving them new problems to solve.  Adam smiled as he saw his younger brother chewing the end of his pencil, a sure sign that he was finding his current problem difficult. Most of the older children were still writing and Adam wondered if he was the only one to have finished, but then he saw that Louise was also leaning back in her seat.  Trust her to be first!  Adam hoped that just for once he had got a higher mark than she had, but he doubted it, he knew his work wasn’t his best.

He turned his thoughts back to the problem of testing the engine.  It had to be tonight before Pa noticed that the brandy bottle was missing.  He sometimes had a drink with his after supper coffee, the bottle had to be back in place by then.  It had been difficult enough to pick it up and hide it away this morning, getting it back might prove even harder if Marie was in the living room when he got home.  He had asked Marie if he could go to the Marquettes for an hour or so after school and she had agreed provided he got home in time to do his chores before supper.  He’d talk to Ross at recess.  Maybe he would have an idea of how they could test the engine and where.  He was relieved that he and Ross had resumed their friendship, it had taken a lot of hard work to persuade him that he would not be led into anymore trouble.  He glanced sideways at his friend who was still struggling with the test, it sure didn’t come easy to Ross.

Mr Lawson walked back to the front of the class.  “Please stop writing now, children.  I’ll collect in the test papers while you are at lunch.  You may go now.”

He had barely stopped speaking before there was a stampede for the doorway.  Adam followed his friends into the yard and joined Ross and Rick  to eat lunch.

“How d’you do on the test?”  Rick asked.

“It was awful. I couldn’t do any of it,” Ross complained with his mouthful of sandwich. “I suppose you found it easy, as usual,” he said to Adam.

Adam shook his head. “No, I didn’t do enough studying for it.  I don’t think I did too well.  I bet Louise gets the highest marks again.”

“Who cares?” shrugged Rick. “I´m gonna leave school soon anyway.  Pa ain’t got no money to pay Lawson no more and Ma says we ain’t gonna take no more charity so I guess me and Jeff get to escape” he grinned.

“Don’t you want to stay?” Adam asked in surprise.

Rick laughed. “Nope, course not.  You’re the only kid I ever knew as wanted to be in school, rest of us got more sense.  How about we cut tomorrow and go fishin’?  It’d be great up at the lake now.”

Adam was very tempted, it was weeks since he had spent any time doing what he wanted.  “Yeah, sounds great,” he replied.

Pa would be mad if he found out but what the heck, maybe he wouldn’t get caught and even if he did, he hadn’t been in trouble for a while it might not be too bad.

“You two wanna help me with an experiment tonight?” he asked.

“What sort of experiment?” Ross replied warily.

Adam jumped to his feet and went over to where his saddle bags were hanging. “This.” he said holding up the engine.

“What in heck’s that?” Rick asked his face creased in a frown.

Adam explained the principles of the engine as if they were five years old.  Ross raised his eyebrows in silent disgust at the way Adam was looking down on them with his superior ‘know-it-all’ expression.

“We get the picture,” Ross snapped.

Adam looked up in surprise at his friend’s tone. “Well, anyhow that’s how it works and I need to test it inside someplace where we won’t be seen.”

“Why can’t you do it at home?” Ross asked suspiciously. Following Adam had got him into trouble more than once.  He didn’t want the same thing to happen again.

“Well I could, but Pa took the engine away last winter when I tried to test it in the barn.  I’m not supposed to have it back.” He could see the way Ross’ mind was working and he quickly tried to reassure him. “It’s alright, he’d only be mad at me for taking it without permission, it wouldn’t get you into trouble.”

Rick listened to the exchange with a certain amount of exasperation; these two were always worried about getting into trouble. If it was fun he went ahead and did it, there were always ways out of trouble.

 

“Look, tonight I gotta stay after and write out that arithmetic exercise that I shoulda done for homework. Lawson’s got some meeting or some such and he said he’d leave me to do it and come back to check on me, that means the school’ll be open and Lawson won’t be there for about an hour.  I was gonna slip off but we could do it then and you two could disappear afore he comes back..   Whatcha think?”

“Hey, that´d be great, no one comes up here after school’s out,” Adam grinned.

Ross wasn’t so sure, he could see disaster looming over them.

“Come on, Ross, don’t be such a scaredy kid,” Rick said disgustedly.

Ross reluctantly nodded just as the bell sounded to mark the end of the break.

 

Rick was right about Mr Lawson, as soon as school ended he set Rick’s exercises and went to his meeting.  Adam and Ross had left with the other children and they watched him go before slipping back into the schoolhouse.  Adam had already told Hoss that he planned to go to the Marquettes and he was relieved to see Hoss ride away without any awkward questions.

Rick turned from the board as they entered. “Hey, smart alec, do these for me first then Lawson’ll never know I wasn’t here doing ’em all the time.”

Adam hesitated, he remembered Mr Lawson’s warning about doing work for his friends, but Rick was helping him.  He dictated the answers quickly and Rick wrote furiously to get them done.

When he had finished Adam set up the experiment but this time he had no need of complicated stands.  He explained that he would pour the spirit directly into the reservoir and then fire it, pouring in more through the little funnel as he needed it.

“Will it work?” Ross asked doubtfully.  “I mean what spirit is it?”

Adam shrugged. “The book says it will.  It says any volatile liquid and brandy’s pretty volatile you shoulda seen…”

“BRANDY!”  Ross exploded. “Where in hell did you get brandy?  Nah!  Don’t tell me! I think it’s somethin’ I’d be better off not knowing.”

“Ah, quit worrying.  I’ll top it up with water and put it back.  Pa’ll never know,” Adam replied, his concentration all on the setting up of the engine.

Rick watched with awe.  Adam could be a pain with his fancy words and superior attitude but he sure knew how to do stuff like this.  “Let me light it,” he clamoured.

Adam grinned. “Wait a minute, I ain’t put the brandy in yet.”

He took the bottle which was almost full and uncorked it, carefully pouring a small measure into the reservoir then setting the bottle down, as he did so the cork rolled to the floor. He ignored it and concentrated on making sure everything was ready.

“Ok,” he nodded to Rick. “Just touch the match here and it should flare.”

Rick glanced at the other two in anticipation and then struck the match. He held it where Adam had shown him but nothing happened.

“It ain’t gonna work,” he said disgustedly.

As he spoke the flame caught on the vapour from the brandy and flared toward him.  Rick dropped the match and leapt back in shock, knocking over the brandy bottle.  The liquid flowed across the desk and within seconds the vapour from that was alight too, dripping over the edge on to the floor in a pool of flame.

All three boys retreated from the fire in panic. Nothing had prepared them for the ferocity of the flaming brandy. It burned the desk and singed their clothes before catching light to the notes Adam had brought with him. Adam was the first to react, he grabbed his jacket and he tried to beat out the flames. He succeed in extinguishing the fire from the notebook and slowly the flames died away of their own accord as the alcohol fumes were consumed.

He stood back in silence and looked in horror at the scene.  It had all happened so fast.  The desk was blackened and charred where the brandy had gathered in a pool.  The same was true of the floor beneath it.  Each of the boys had suffered minor burns and his own jacket was ruined.

Rick reacted in a different manner. “Christ, I’m getting’ outta here. Lawson’s gonna kill us!” With that he was gone.

Ross sank into a chair and put his head in his hands.  Why! Oh why! did he let Adam lead him into this?  It would cost a fortune to repair the desk and the floor.  He was still sitting like this when Mr Lawson came in expecting to find only Rick at the board doing his assignment.

Adam watched as the schoolteacher took in the fire damaged schoolroom.

“What on earth…?” Lawson started then stopped and looked from one to the other then back to the desk.  He took in the smell of charred wood and the sickly sweet smell of the now caramelised brandy and varnish and guessed what had happened.

Adam wanted to say something but his voice came out as a croak.

“Are you responsible for this, Adam?” Lawson said quietly.

Adam nodded; his voice still wouldn’t work.

The teacher bent down and picked up the now empty brandy bottle which had rolled to the floor.  He held it out in front of him.

“Where did you get this?”

Adam swallowed hard in an effort to speak.  “It’s¼ it’s my Pa’s.”

Lawson nodded slowly. “You used it as a fuel.  Is that right?”

Again, Adam just nodded.  He wished Mr Lawson would yell or show some reaction, this quiet questioning was making him even more nervous.  He studied his feet waiting for the next question but the teacher had gingerly picked up the engine, which was still quite hot, and was turning it over to examine it.

“It’s a good piece of engineering.  A pity you didn’t show me and we could have tested it together¼ in safety.   Brandy is not the best fuel, as I think you’ve discovered.”

He looked thoughtfully at the two boys. “You realise that your parents will have to hear about this and pay for the damage, don’t you?”

Adam saw the look of utter terror which flickered across Ross’ face. “It was my fault, sir.  Ross had nothing to do with it,” he said quickly, his own apprehension at what would await him at home only slightly less than his friend’s.

Lawson bit his lip for a second and glanced at the board, it was obvious from the standard of work that it was not Rick’s. “And where was Rick Bonner while all this was going on?”

Adam resumed his study of the floor, not wishing to get anyone else into trouble.

Lawson nodded.  “He was here but decided that he’d make himself scarce when it came to owning up, is that it?”

The boys’ silence gave him his answer.

“I don’t have time to ride out to your homes tonight to explain to your parents in person. Sit down and I’ll write them a note.  You will, no doubt, have to explain more fully exactly what you were doing.  Since it is out of school hours, I will leave any punishment to them. I don’t doubt that they will be as angry with you as I am.  What you did was thoughtless and dangerous.’   Lawson moved back to his own desk and took two sheets of paper from it and began to write.

Adam slowly lowered himself onto the bench beside Ross but avoided looking at his friend.  It was his fault again and this time he didn’t expect Ross to forgive him.

Ross still had his head in his hands.  He wished he could go back to lunchtime and relive this afternoon.  He’d go home on time and do his chores and none of this would be happening.  He was never going to listen to Adam or Rick again no matter what they called him.

Adam silently watched the teacher’s pen moving over the white page and wondered what he was writing.  It didn’t much matter how Mr Lawson worded it, Pa was going to be furious.  As far as his father was concerned the engine was safely on the top shelf of the storeroom.  Oh! how he wished he had left it there!  Simply taking it was bad enough, but then he had borrowed¼ he stopped and thought again¼ stolen the brandy, and then the damage he had caused.  He closed his eyes and tried to shut out the images of  his father’s face when he had lectured him about misusing matches in the barn.  What would Pa do now?  There weren’t enough oil lamps in the world to make up for this piece of mischief.

 

The smell of roast beef wafted through the kitchen door as Ben approached it.  He took a deep breath and savoured it for a moment.  He was bone tired and he wished he could simply sink into a chair and eat but there was still work to be done.  He glanced around the yard and noted that the evening chores hadn’t been started and his face creased in a frown.  Young Andy and Frank Bonner should be working here in the yard and the boys should be home by now.  Where were they all?

The kitchen door opened wider and Marie stood there with Hoss half hiding behind her.  She gave him a nervous smile.

“Hello, sweetheart.  You’re back early tonight.”

“What’s going on?” he said convinced something was wrong but not knowing what.

Marie sighed.  “Frank Bonner’s run off.”

“What!”  Ben’s voice was explosive.

“He hit Andy over the head and took a horse.  Hoss saw him ride off toward the north-east about an hour ago,” Marie explained.

Ben swore softly under his breath and turned away from her. “Is Andy alright”’

“Yes, he’s fine.  Got a bit of a headache but Frank didn’t hit him hard.”

“Now what?  Do I go after him or do I let him get away with it?” Ben shook his head.  “I’ll have to ride over to see Chad and Tom. Damn! As if I didn’t have enough to do.” He suddenly remembered Hoss was standing listening and regretted his outburst.

“You’ll never catch him, let it go. He’s not worth worrying about,” Marie pleaded touching his arm.

“If I let him go, he’ll steal again from someone else.  I’m only passing the problem on and he might come back and steal from us again,” Ben replied angrily.

“He might have gone to his family, maybe his wife will know where he is going,”  Marie suggested.

Ben snorted in derision. “He couldn’t give a damn about his family.”

Marie pulled at his arm and turned him towards her. “You’re wrong. He adores those children. Maybe he doesn’t bring them up as you would. He sees their mischief as following in his footsteps, I guess, but he is proud of Rick and Jeff just as you are proud of our boys and he worships that baby.  I think he will have gone there first.”

Ben nodded. “If you’re right I’d better get over there straight away.  I might still be in time to catch him.” He turned toward the barn where Buck was still saddled and after a quick word with Andy he rode off toward town.

“Please take care,” Marie called after him.

He simply raised his hand to show that he had heard and within minutes he was lost to her view.  Marie sent up a silent prayer for his safety as she went back into the house.

 

Adam rode home very slowly as if putting off the evil moment was going to make things better.  Mr Lawson’s letter was burning a hole in his pocket, he could almost feel his father’s anger.  The teacher hadn’t said much more to them, knowing that both had parents who would deal severely with their offspring.   Adam debated whether it would be better to give the letter to Marie and let her break the news to his father.  She might just be able to talk him around a little.  Then he remembered the last time he had taken a note home;  Pa had not been pleased that he had given it to Marie, in an effort to ward off his father’s anger.  No, there was no way to avoid it, he would simply have to give it to Pa and take what was coming to him.  He hadn’t been in any real trouble since before Christmas, except for fighting with Hoss, and his grades had been good for months.  That had to count for something, didn’t it?  He wished he believed that, but deep down he knew that no matter if he had been an angel for the past six months, this was more than a minor slip.

He leaned over and patted his pony’s neck. “Guess I’d better get home and get it over with,” he said softly. He glanced up again and was surprised to see a rider approaching from the direction of the Ponderosa. He was even more surprised when he recognised Frank Bonner. He watched as Bonner suddenly changed course and headed toward the back trail into town. “Now, where’s he going and why is he on his own?” Adam wondered, maybe he had better get home quickly and find out.

 

He had almost reached the house when he saw his father riding away from the barn, instinctively he moved his pony into the shadow of some trees.  He wasn’t ready to face him, not out here and not yet.  He waited until Buck was out of sight and then continued into the yard.

“Hey, Andy,” he called to the youngster who was leading a horse from the barn. “What’s Mr Bonner doing riding to town on his own? I thought he was supposed to stay in the yard.”

The young ranch hand looked embarrassed. “He made a run for it and I couldn’t stop him. Your Pa’s gone after him and I gotta go over to tell Mr Hammond and get some more men.”

Adam watched him leave then turned his attention to the chores with a heavy heart.  This was the last straw, Pa would be in a bad mood before he even got to hand him the letter.  He had been hoping that it had been a good day and that he could lead gently into it when his father was relaxing with his pipe after a delicious supper. He sighed and leaned wearily against one of the stalls.  Why did nothing go right for him?

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 28

 

 

Marie stood at the half landing and watched the boys below.  She was beginning to worry and it showed on her face.  Hoss was playing a very noisy game with Little Joe which involved a lot of chasing around and yelling. Several times they had knocked into the chair where their older brother was sitting with a book. This would normally have resulted in a violent argument, but tonight Adam barely noticed them. She studied her oldest stepson carefully. He wasn’t reading, or at least he hadn’t turned a page for a very long time and his eyes weren’t focused on the book but on some point beyond it.  He had been very quiet since he came in from his chores and had not shown any interest when she related the events of the day to him. Something was wrong and she debated whether to ask and risk getting her head bitten off, or let it go. She walked quietly down the remaining steps and across to the fireplace. When she put her hand on his shoulder he started violently. It was obvious that he hadn’t been aware of her presence.

“Anything you want to talk about?” she asked softly.

Adam glanced up and shook his head, still only half aware of her.  He seemed to be in a different world and yet attuned to certain things more keenly than others.  The loud noise of his brothers didn’t reach him but the quieter sound of a horse in the yard startled him.

“Hoss, take Little Joe and get washed up for supper,” she snapped a little irritably as the two of them dodged around her skirts.

Hoss stopped fooling around and looked up at her. “Pa ain’t back yet. Ain’t we gonna wait for him?”

Out of the corner of her eye, Marie saw Adam’s head snap up.  So that was it; he was in trouble of some kind and worried about facing his father.

She shook her head. “He may not get back until very late. We won’t wait. Hop Sing will be cross enough that he wasn’t told your father wouldn’t be here without being kept waiting.  Now run along, please.” She shooed the two younger ones toward the kitchen and then turned back to Adam.

“How bad is it this time?” she asked with a gentle smile.

Adam stared at the rug and shrugged his shoulders. “I got a letter for Pa from Mr Lawson.”

Marie knelt down by his chair. “What did you do?  It can’t be your work, that’s been very good,” she said encouragingly, expecting him to confess to some minor prank.

Adam gave a resigned sigh. “I set fire to the school house.”

Marie’s mouth dropped open and her eyes widened, not believing what she had heard.  She grabbed his arm, making him look at her.  “You WHAT?”

His face was pale and he looked very nervous but he repeated his words in a slightly louder voice.

Painfully, slowly, she extracted the information from him, each question eliciting a few more words until she had the whole picture.  She shook her head slowly.  Moving from the fireplace to the sofa, she sat down heavily and took a deep breath.

“I’m real sorry, Marie. I didn’t think it would catch fire like that,” he said with a catch in his voice.

Marie mentally counted to ten to keep her temper as she looked at his penitent expression.  He really meant it this time, but it was unlikely to carry any weight with his father.  “I don’t think sorry is going to be enough, Adam,” she said quietly. “Did you talk about this with Little Joe?” she asked suddenly as a few pieces of a jigsaw puzzle fell into place.

Adam’s eyes snapped open. “What do you mean?”

“He’s been telling me about steam engines for the past week and I wondered what had sparked his interest, but he said it was a secret.”

Adam nodded. “He was with me when I found the model in the storeroom.”

Marie glared at him. “And you told him not to say anything I suppose,” she said her voice sharp and accusing. “Don’t involve your brothers in your lies Adam.”

“I didn’t lie,” Adam protested.

“You didn’t exactly tell the world, did you? You intended to deceive even if you didn’t deliberately tell a lie and you asked Little Joe to cover up for you.”

Adam could see her eyes growing lighter and her expression hardening; he was relieved when Hoss and Joe came rushing back from the kitchen followed by Hop Sing with the supper dishes.

Hoss looked from his stepmother’s angry face to his brother’s worried one and wondered what had occurred.  Surely Adam wasn’t in trouble again?  He hadn’t heard of anything, but then Adam rarely confided in him these days.

Marie got to her feet and moved to the table. “You’d better eat your supper before your father gets home.  After the day he’s had, I’ve a feeling he’s not going to be too pleased to hear about this.”  She slipped into her chair and leaned over to tuck a napkin into Joe’s shirt front.  Adam followed her to the table but he had no appetite.

 

They were through with their meal by the time Ben returned.  Adam and Hoss were seated by the fire and Marie was attempting to get Little Joe ready for bed when the door opened and Ben came in shrugging out of his coat.

Marie looked up from a squirming son. “How did it go?” she asked anxiously.

He moved over to her and gave her a light kiss on the cheek. “You were right. He went to his family first, but he was gone before I got there.” He reached his hands out to the fire although he was not cold; it was an absent-minded gesture which allowed him to gather his thoughts.  “I rode over to the Hammond’s; Curran’s still there. We’ve agreed to try to track Bonner tomorrow.  I’ve sent Andy to keep watch on the family in case he comes back.”

Marie finished undressing Little Joe and dropped his nightshirt over his head pulling him into a cozy cuddle. “Let him go, Ben,” she said softly resting her chin on Joe’s curly head.  “Is it worth all this worry?”

Ben shook his head and turned to face her. “I can’t let him go, sweetheart.  What he did was wrong and wrongdoers should be punished.”

Adam dropped his head to his chest, with Pa in this mood he was sure his wrong doings were gonna be punished.

“If we let him get away with it, others will follow and the territory will become a haven for criminals.  When we get him we’ll take him and Curran to Sacramento.  That way the law can decide his fate.  Maybe a few years in prison will teach him a lesson.” Ben continued firmly.

Adam’s head sank even lower, oh boy was he in for trouble now he thought.  Pa was not in the mood for explanations and forgiveness that was for sure.

Ben reached out and ruffled Hoss’ hair.  “Have you left any of that roast for me, young man.?”

He pulled out a chair and sat down at the table.  Marie released Joe so that she could go into the kitchen to fetch her husband’s supper.  She glanced at Adam as she passed but he ducked his head.

Hoss and Little Joe resumed their noisy games but Adam sat with his head bowed wondering how to broach the subject of the letter.  He had seen his stepmother’s look and knew that he would have to say something soon or she would do it for him.  Ben ate heartily and when his coffee was poured he pushed away from the table and took the cup with him to the hearth placing it on the stones he reached for his pipe and tobacco.

Adam knew there would never be a good moment for what he had to say, but this was likely to be his best opportunity.  He closed the book that had been resting on his lap and put it carefully on the wood box.  As he got to his feet he was almost touching his father and he moved away to arm’s length.  He could feel the letter in his pocket; it seemed to be pressing on his chest like a huge weight.

Ben leaned over and struck a match against the fireplace, putting the flame to his pipe he puffed until the tobacco glowed.

“Pa …”  Adam said hesitantly.

His father turned from the fireplace the match still burning and Adam swallowed hard;  it reminded him of the flare from the brandy.

“I got… a letter for you… from Mr Lawson,” he said, nervously holding out the envelope.

 

Ben glanced at the envelope then at his son’s face. “What did you do this time, more frogs?” he replied lightly.  He took the envelope and tore it open.

Adam bit his lip as he watched his father unfold the piece of paper and begin to read.  Before he was halfway down the closely written page Ben’s expression had changed from a slight smile to an angry frown.  Adam swallowed hard and shifted from one foot to the other, his glance going from his father to his stepmother and then to the floor.  His father finished reading then slowly folded the letter in half and passed it to Marie.

Adam waited for the sky to fall in on him but there was only silence.  He breathed in deeply and looked up, his father was obviously waiting for just such a move.  As their eyes met Ben nodded slowly.

“Do you have anything to say to me about this?” he questioned coldly.

Adam dropped his head and fixed his eyes on the toes of his boots. “I’m… I’m sorry Pa.  I didn’t mean to burn anything, the experiment went wrong.”

“Went wrong…WENT WRONG!”  Ben yelled so loudly that Adam jumped back in shock and Joe hid his head in his mother’s lap. “We are not talking about a mistake, young man!  We are talking about deliberate disobedience and theft.” He wagged a finger under Adam’s nose. “I had already told you no more experiments.  I had already taken that engine away from you.  How dare you help yourself to a bottle of brandy?  How dare you touch that engine without my permission?” Each sentence was spoken forcefully but Ben’s voice became harder and quieter each time.

Adam shrank back.  He didn’t know whether he was supposed to answer, and in any case, there was no answer he could give that would satisfy his father in this mood.  It had all seemed so easy when he had planned it.  He would have replaced the engine and the brandy bottle, he would have proved his engine worked and his father would be none the wiser.  He should have known that it would go wrong or Pa would find out; not much got past him.

“If you wanted to continue with this experiment as you call it, why didn’t you speak to me about it?”  Ben demanded.

“I… thought you’d say no,” Adam murmured his chin still on his chest.

Ben hesitated for a moment while he got his temper under better control. “There’s a right way and a wrong way to everything. Why is it that you persist in taking the difficult route? If you’d spoken to me or Mr Lawson about it maybe we could have helped and you wouldn’t be in this predicament.” He sighed in irritation, “I don’t know how you do it.  You’re smart enough to produce a steam engine with just a book as a guide but you haven’t the sense to know that setting fire to brandy in a wooden classroom is likely to cause a fire.”

Adam bit his lip, and wished this was all over. “I didn’t think of that,” he said softly.

“Didn’t think. Do you ever?” His father gave an exasperated sigh.

Adam lifted his head a little and tried to meet his father’s eyes but he couldn’t do it. “I’m sorry Pa, really I am,” he said miserably.

 

“Look at me!” Ben thundered, sending Joe back into is mother’s arms and startling Hoss so much that he scraped his chair noisily on the polished boards.  His father glared at him irritably and Hoss gulped; the last thing he wanted was any of that anger directed his way.  He could see that Adam wanted the floor to open up and swallow him and he felt a tremendous sympathy for his older brother.   Adam tried again and this time managed to meet his father’s gaze for a few seconds before lowering his dark lashes in an effort to avoid the glare.

“Sorry’ is all I ever get from you.  If you’ve said it once, you’ve said it a hundred times!  Every time you’re in trouble you tell me you’re sorry.  If you were truly sorry you would show me by behaving yourself in the future.” He glanced across at Marie and noticed Little Joe watching him wide-eyed and white-faced. “We’ll continue this conversation in your room, young man.”  He indicated the staircase by jabbing towards it with his pipe stem. “Go on, get upstairs and wait for me.”

Adam gave a last nervous glance at his stepmother and sidled around his father to get to the stairs.  Ben watched him disappear then turned back to Marie. “I suppose you’re going to say I’m being too hard on him.”

Marie shook her head.  “No, I think you’re right.” She looked down at her little son and stroked his curls. “He told Joe about the engine and made him promise to keep it a secret,” she said quietly.

Ben drew in a sharp breath. “You mean he’s teaching his brothers to deceive us, too?”

Marie shrugged expressively.  She was angry that Adam had involved her baby in his deceit, and for once was not about to plead for him.

 

Adam closed his door and leaned against it for a moment.  He was relieved to be out of his father’s presence for a while, but he knew there was worse to come.  Pa rarely reprimanded them or punished them in front of others.  He must be very angry to have said as much as he had before sending him to his room.  Marie was angry with him, too, and in some ways that hurt more.  It wasn’t fair.

He moved over to the window and looked unseeing into the pine trees which covered the distant mountains.  No, he sighed to himself, it was fair.  He had deliberately disobeyed his father.  He had known it was wrong to take the engine without permission and he had known it was wrong to take the brandy.  He understood how shocked and disappointed his father must be and he was ashamed.  He knew he deserved to be punished but he sure wished it was over.

He was startled from his thoughts by the sound of his door opening and he swung around to face his father.  Ben closed the door behind him and Adam dropped his eyes to the floor when he saw the expression of cold fury in his father’s eyes.

 

“I am very angry and disappointed with you,” he began. “Not only did you disobey me, I now find out that you involved your little brother in your deception.  Marie tells me that you swore Little Joe to secrecy because he knew about your crazy plan. You expected your brother to lie for you.”  Ben’s voice was crackling with anger.

Adam looked up quickly. “No, sir. Joe didn’t know what I was going to do, he just saw me take the engine from the storeroom.”

“But you did make him promise not to tell anyone, didn’t you?”  Ben snapped.

Adam nodded, feeling utterly defeated. “Yes sir,” he admitted his eyes downcast.

Ben drew in a sharp breath.  “I don’t know how many times I’ve explained to you that your brothers look to you for an example.  Being the eldest is a responsibility and one which you seem to take far too lightly.  Tomorrow you will explain to Little Joe that what you did was wrong and that you were punished for it.  You will also work off whatever it costs to repair the schoolhouse, and you will apologize to Mr Lawson.  Is that understood?”

Adam nodded again. “Yes sir.”  He glanced up wondering what was coming next, then wished he hadn’t.  He no longer needed to wonder; Pa was unbuckling his belt.

 

Hoss wriggled in his chair.  He hated it when Pa was angry, even if it wasn’t with him.  He liked things to be calm and peaceful and always did his best to keep them that way.  True, he had been fighting with his older brother a lot, but that didn’t mean he wanted to see him in trouble.

Joe had climbed on to his mother’s knee and Marie was trying to distract him with a story.  She had begun to read a story about a wolf and Joe was happily pointing at the pictures and asking questions as he always did.

“Why is the little boy scared, Mama?” he asked.

Marie smiled down at him. “I suppose he’s scared of the wolf, darling.”

“I not scared of anyfing,” Joe replied, puffing out his chest as he looked at Hoss.

Hoss felt miserable and he snapped back, “Yes, you are!  You’re scared of the dark and of the old bull in the pasture and Pa when he’s mad,” he said sourly.

Joe’s lower lip began to tremble and he snuggled closer to his mother.

“Erik, that’s not very nice of you,” chided Marie, gently. “Joe is just a baby.  There are a lot of things you are scared of too.  Everyone’s afraid of something, it’s nothing to be ashamed of or to be teased about.”

Hoss dropped his head to his chest.  Mama was right.  There were things he was scared of and he could hear one of them right now.  From upstairs came the unmistakable sound of his father’s belt being used on his older brother.  He tried to shut out the sound and wondered how Adam could keep from yelling.  Hoss didn’t often get into trouble but on the few occasions Pa had spanked him he had cried a lot and this sounded much worse.  He glanced at Marie and noticed that she was biting her lip and had cuddled Joe closer to her.  She resumed reading and tried to keep her voice even.  She knew Adam deserved to be punished; she was angry with him herself, but it still upset her and she knew it would upset Ben, too.

Joe cuddled closer to his mother and stuck his thumb in his mouth.  He wasn’t sure exactly what was happening but he knew that his mother and Hoss were upset and that his father was very angry with his oldest brother.  It had something to do with Adam’s steam engine and Mama was cross because he had kept it a secret.  She didn’t seem to be cross with him but Papa might be, and Hoss was right, he was scared when Papa was angry.  He looked up wide-eyed and nervous as he heard Adam’s door open and close and then saw his father on the stairs.  Ben stood for a moment in front of the fireplace. Joe never took his eyes from him; his father still looked very angry.

Ben glanced at Hoss. “Shouldn’t you be in bed by now?” he muttered.

Hoss swallowed hard and pushed himself to his feet.  He didn’t intend to argue even if it was nearly an hour to his regular bedtime. “Night, Mama,” he said softly then glanced anxiously at his father. “Night Pa.”

Ben just nodded then bent to the fire to add another log.

Marie lifted Joe into her arms as she stood up. “I’ll come and tuck you in, sweetie.”

Joe hid his face in his mother’s shoulder and the three of them moved up the stairs leaving Ben alone with his thoughts.

 

Marie unpinned her hair and shook her head letting the long tresses cascade over her bare shoulders.  She picked up the silver backed hairbrush and began to brush with long firm strokes.  From the corner of her eye she could see Ben undressing and she tried to judge his mood.

“Do you have to go after Frank Bonner?” she asked tentatively.

Ben moved over to her and rested his hands on her shoulders.  “Yes, I have to.  I’ll try not to be gone long but we must find him and take him to the law.” He gently took the brush from her hand and ran his hand down the length of her hair and on to her back, making her shiver.

“I wish you didn’t have to go,” she said sadly, standing up to face him.

He placed the brush back on the table and took her in his arms kissing her softly. ”I’ll be fine and I’ll be back in no time.”

Marie shook her head and gazed up into his eyes. “If it’s only for one night, I shall still miss you.”

He lifted her in his arms and placed her on the bed, pulling back the covers to join her.  He extinguished the lamp and leaned over to kiss her again. “Someday we will have everything we need right here and we won’t have to go to Sacramento or San Francisco,” he said softly.

Marie snuggled closer to him and entwined her fingers in the hairs of his chest. “You ought to take Adam with you on one of your trips.  He’s never seen a big city, at least not that he can remember.  He’d love it.”

 

Ben smiled indulgently at her and stroked her cheek. “Why is it that everytime I try to make love to you we end up talking about our eldest son?  I’m beginning to feel jealous of him.”

Marie giggled.  “Well, he is becoming a very handsome young man.”

Ben lifted himself up on one elbow and looked down at her. “Is he, indeed? I hadn’t noticed.” He laughed at her concerned expression.

Marie smiled back, “He’ll be breaking hearts all over the territory in a couple of years, believe me.”  Her face changed to a serious, worried look.  “Is he alright?”

Ben nodded.  “Yes, I looked in on him just now and he’s sound asleep.”  He kissed her cheek. “I thought you were angry with him?”

“I was, but I’m not anymore.”

“He seemed so contrite and genuinely sorry.”

“Yes, for once he managed to keep that smart mouth of his quiet.  I’ve told him to apologise to Lawson and to do extra chores to pay me back for the damage he caused.”  He glanced at her with a slightly worried frown. “He’s to explain to Joe, too, and tell him that what he did was wrong.  I know Joe is only a baby, but I don’t want him to think that what his brother did was clever.”

“Oh, I think he got the message.  He was very quiet when I put him to bed.  He asked if you were angry with him, too,” she grinned.  “Neither he nor Hoss like it when you yell.”

Ben frowned. “I do not yell,” he protested.

Marie put her finger to his lips. “Alright, but you do sound like a grouchy old bear sometimes.”

Ben growled. “Well this grouchy old bear has had enough talking and wants you to help him forget about the rotten day he has had.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 29

 

 

“You wanna play checkers or somethin’?”  Hoss asked pointing at the squared board and carved pieces on the oak table.

Adam shook his head. “No, not tonight.”

Hoss looked up at his brother from his seat on the settee and gave him a sympathetic smile.  Adam was leaning against the stone fireplace stabbing idly at the logs with the poker.

It wasn’t cold and the fire was a small one but as Adam poked the logs they flared up and he stepped back. Why did everything remind him of the flaming brandy and his subsequent punishment? As if he needed any reminder, he was aware of it everytime he moved. He had done the extra chores that Pa had listed before he left, but he still had to have the talk with his baby brother and he knew he was avoiding it.  How on earth was he going to explain to a two-year-old? Pa must be mad to suggest he even try.

“Watcha gonna do then, just stand around all evenin’ and do nuthin’?” Hoss was pushing him and it was irritating.

“I might.  What’s it to you if I do?”  Adam snapped.

Hoss shrugged and dropped to his knees on the rug beside Joe who was building another tall tower.  Adam watched them for a moment then moved over to the bookcase by his father’s desk and selected a book to read.  Maybe if he could lose himself in a novel he would stop thinking about yesterday.  He moved back to the fireplace and stretched out on his stomach in front of the hearth, propping his book against the stones.  There was no way he was going to sit down to read, meals had to be taken sitting down and the three meals he had eaten today had been painful enough without adding to it.

Marie came in from the kitchen and stepped over Adam’s long legs which were stretched across the route to the stairs, she frowned but said nothing.

“Come on, little one, time for bed,” she said softly as she reached down to lift Little Joe away from his wooden blocks.

“Don’t wanna go bed,” Joe protested, pouting as she picked him up.  Then he giggled and kicked out at the tower sending the blocks tumbling to the floor and spilling over Adam’s book.  Marie expected a comment from her stepson but he simply pushed the blocks away and continued reading without looking up.

“Don’t be naughty, Joe,” Marie admonished gently. “Let’s try to have a bedtime without a tantrum, please.”

Hoss grinned and began to gather up the scattered blocks and pack them into their box.

“Thank you, Hoss,” Marie smiled at him. “Now, little one, if you are good Adam will come up with us and read you a story.”

Joe chuckled.  He liked Adam’s stories, they were more exciting than Mama’s.  His brother changed his voice for the characters and made all the right animal noises for him.

Adam glanced up at his stepmother in horror. “Oh Marie, not tonight!  Couldn’t you read to him?” he pleaded.

Marie shook her head, “No, you can.  It will be a good opportunity for you to have that little talk as your father instructed.”

Adam groaned, but he knew there was no way out of it.  Pa or Marie would probably ask Joe what he had said, so it had better be good.  He got stiffly to his feet and closed the book he had been reading to follow Marie upstairs.

 

Adam stretched out on Joe’s bed, the storybook now closed.  He surveyed his baby brother and wondered how to start this conversation.  Joe had his thumb stuck firmly in his mouth and was beginning to snuggle under the covers ready for sleep.  If he was going to say anything he’d better hurry and get it over with.  Marie had gone down the hallway to her room a while ago and Adam guessed that she could well come back at any minute.  The last thing he wanted was an audience; he was embarrassed enough as it was.

“Joe…” he started tentatively, “You remember when I found the steam engine in the storeroom?”

Joe brightened up.  He had hoped Adam might show him the engine again. “Can I play with it?”

Adam sighed.  “No, we can’t play with it.  I’m… I wasn’t… well, I wasn’t supposed to take it.  It was wrong and Pa is angry with me.”

Joe nodded solemnly, remembering. “He was real cross, wasn’t he?” Joe said wide-eyed.

“Yeah, he sure was,” Adam replied with feeling. “You remember I told you not to tell anyone…?”

Joe sat bolt upright. “I never told, Adam!” he said, tears beginning to form as he thought his brother was angry with him.

Adam reached up an arm and hugged him.” ‘I know you didn’t, Joe,” he said softly. “But… well… I shouldn’t have made you promise… it… it wasn’t fair of me.  What I did was wrong.” His voice dropped so low that Joe could hardly hear him. “Do you understand?”

Joe nodded, even though he wasn’t sure why Adam was telling him this.

Adam cleared his throat and wished this was over.  “…And what I wanted you to do was wrong, too.  It could have got you into trouble if you had lied to Pa.”

Joe patted his brother’s hand.  He didn’t know what to say, his brother was so serious and he had never talked with him like this before.

Adam leaned his chin on his hand and took a deep breath. “What I did was wrong,” he repeated, “…and you mustn’t do things like that.  I shouldn’t have disobeyed Pa and taken the engine.  I… I got punished for it and if you copy me Pa would punish you, too.”

Joe’s eyes opened even wider. “What he do?”

Adam sighed. “He gave me a whipping.” Then, seeing Joe’s puzzled expression, he explained further. “You know, like when your Mama smacked you for touching the fire yesterday, only much harder.”

Joe remembered only too well.  Mama had smacked him, hard, because she had told him twice to leave the poker alone.  It had hurt and there had been tears. “Did it hurt?” he asked softly.

Adam nodded. “It sure did… still does,” he amended, shifting uncomfortably on the bed.

Joe looked up at his brother with his large sorrowful green eyes. “I sorry you hurt, Adam.” He reached his little arms out and put them around Adam’s neck giving him a fierce hug. “Mama make it better,” he said helpfully.

Adam grinned ruefully, “Not this time, little buddy.  She’s mad at me, too.”  He settled Joe back onto his pillows and tucked the quilt around him. “You’d better get to sleep or we’ll both be in more trouble.  Night, buddy.”

“Night, Adam” Joe responded reaching up, and planting a wet kiss on his brother’s cheek much to Adam’s astonishment.  It felt good to have some one care.

Adam got to his feet and blew out the lamp so that the only light in the room came from the hallway.

“Night, Adam,” Joe called into the darkness.

As he turned to go, Adam saw a shadow in the hall move away and he heard very soft footsteps going down the stairs.  He swallowed hard; so Marie had been listening, adding to his embarrassment.  It hurt that neither she, nor presumably Pa, had trusted him to do as he had been told.

 

Twenty miles away his father was thinking of him and wondering if Marie’s idea would help.  Maybe a trip to Sacramento or San Francisco for the two of them this summer would bring them closer together.  Adam seemed to be having a hard time growing up, and Ben knew that he was having a hard time as a father accepting it.

He shrugged himself deeper into his coat and pulled his blanket more tightly around him.  It had been a long day in the saddle and he was bone tired but he couldn’t go to sleep without thinking about the events of the day.  Marie had been right about Bonner, he did care about his family.  He had, perhaps foolishly, tried to take them with him.  Tom and Andy had caught him when he returned to his home in the early hours of the morning with a wagon.  There had been no real resistance mainly because neither side wanted to cause harm to the children.  Bonner had gone with them quietly and they were now camped in the High Sierra heading for Donner Pass.  The law in Sacramento would deal with , and with Curran, whom they had stopped off to collect from the Hammond ranch.  Ben glanced over to where Bonner now lay on his back staring at the night sky.  His hands and feet were bound and Ben pitied him.  It wouldn’t be easy to sleep in these conditions tied up like that.  There was no other way.  In addition to Ben, Tom and Andy there were two of the Hammond ranch hands, but that wasn’t enough to provide an adequate watch on two criminals if they were untied. Ben guessed that both men must be missing their families just as he was, but he could go home in a few days.  For them it would be a few years.  He closed his eyes and pictured Marie and the boys, and with these pleasant thoughts he tried to sleep until it was his turn to keep watch.

 

The journey through the mountains and down to Sacramento was long and tiring.  Neither Curran nor Bonner caused any trouble; it was almost as if they were resigned to their fate.  On the last night before their arrival in Sacramento, Ben was the guard for the dawn shift and he sat cradling his rifle watching the sleeping men.  Frank Bonner rolled over and Ben tensed, it had been a wearying night and now, just as dawn was breaking, would be a good time for Bonner to try to escape.

“Relax, Cartwright, I ain’t goin’ no place,” Bonner drawled.  He struggled into a sitting position and eased himself back to lean against a rock. “I wanna ask a favour.”

Ben shifted the rifle across his knees and nodded, slowly.  “Ask away.”

Bonner sniffed loudly. “Your boy and mine, they bin friends awhile.  Rick ain’t a bad kid, but he’s gonna have a heavy load on his shoulders.  I ain’t bin much of a Pa to him and Jeff… and Dorrie, well, she ain’t their Ma. I was wonderin’ if you could watch out for them maybe help Rick find work.” He sniffed again. “I know I ain’t got no right to ask, but it ain’t their fault they got me for a father.”

Ben hesitated.  He had enough trouble with his own sons; did he really want to feel responsible for three more children?  Then he recalled his conversation with Marie and it brought a smile to his face.  She would be horrified, but she would also understand.

“I’ll do what I can, but I make no promises.  What if your wife wants to take them off someplace else?”  Ben suggested.

“Dorrie don’t know nowheres else, she bin with me since she was nineteen.  When I’m in jail she always stays put ’til I get out,” Bonner explained.

“You mean this isn’t the first time?” Ben asked a little surprised at the man’s admission.

 

“Nah! I did two years in Kansas afore I met Dorrie. My first wife died having Jeff while I was in there. Dorrie was Kate’s best friend and she took on the kids until I got out, then we sorta drifted together.  We got married and then I got caught rustling and did another three years in Texas and then did a year in California for stealing from a store.  I managed to escape, so I still got two years of that one to do and they’ll add that to whatever I get this time.  I ain’t gonna be home for maybe five, six years.”

He was so casual about it that Ben shook his head in disbelief.  How could a man who obviously loved his children do this to them?

“I’ll give Rick whatever help I can, maybe even offer him a job myself but it would be better if he had a father to look out for him,” Ben eased his tired bones on the hard ground and adjusted the rifle.

“You ain’t gonna need that, I know when I’m licked. When I get out this time I’ll give it a go. Rick’ll be maybe twenty by then, bit late for him and even Jeff I guess, but I’ll try for little Val. Be the kind of father you are for your boys, maybe.”  He gazed off into the distance at the lightening sky. “She’s gonna have the best I can give her.”

Ben pushed himself to his feet. “I hope you keep that promise, Frank, but do it honestly, not by stealing.”

Bonner nodded. “I don’t suppose you’d speak up for me, try to get ’em to keep the sentence light?” He watched Ben’s face. “Nah, I thought not, but it was worth a try.”

Ben shook his head. “I’ll speak for you, Frank, but only because of those children.  They deserve better than you, and so does your wife.”

“We ain’t all had it easy like you! Bonner protested.  My folks worked day and night to scratch a living on a farm, died doing it.  My wife died because she didn’t get enough food.  I never had enough to eat as a kid.  First off I stole because I had to.”

Ben snorted. “No one ever gave me anything, Frank.  I worked for what I’ve got, and yes, I know what it’s like to go hungry; to go without food so my son could eat, to do any work so that there was a roof over our heads. Our backgrounds aren’t so different. Believe me, I’ve known tragedy and poverty, but I never resorted to theft.”

Ben walked away in disgust, but later in the day as he watched the Sacramento sheriff lock the door on the two men, he reflected on his words.  Could he have turned out like Frank if things had got worse?  He could remember days when he had wondered where his next meal was coming from, when Adam had been hungry and there had been no work.  He had always managed to find enough to feed his young son but what would he have done if there had been no food?  Would he have let Adam starve or would he have stolen?  He had to admit that it was only through good fortune that he was not in Frank Bonner’s place.  He would do anything for his sons, yes, even steal if he had to.  Thank God, he had never needed to do so.  The saying was true: never judge a man until you have walked in his shoes.

 

John Lawson stood at the front of his classroom and allowed a small smile to lift the corners of his mouth.  In his hand he held notes from both Ben Cartwright and Paul Marquette but he didn’t need to read them to know that both Adam and Ross had been punished.  He had seen the way the two boys had slid gingerly on to the bench at their shared desk and now he watched in some amusement as Adam cast surreptitious looks at Ross from under lowered lashes.  Obviously Ross was blaming his friend for his punishment, and not without some justification, the teacher decided.

 

Ross refused to look at his friend.  This was the second time he had received a whipping from his father because of Adam, not to mention minor punishments for mischief they had perpetrated on other occasions, but it was going to be the last time.  Adam had tried to talk to him on the way in to school but after yelling at him to go away Ross had ignored him.

Adam opened his books but he couldn’t concentrate on the lesson.  At the back of his mind he was still mulling over two problems.  First, he wanted to make it up to Ross.  He knew he was the one at fault and saying sorry hadn’t been enough, he had to think of something else.  Secondly, he wanted to know what had happened to the engine.  He still harboured thoughts of seeing it running.  Even the discomfort he experienced on the ride to school and Every time he sat down had not discouraged his ambition in that direction.

Across the aisle from the two boys, Hoss was staring straight ahead and biting his lip to keep from crying.  He had gone to talk to Jenny when they arrived at school and she had flown at him, hitting him and screaming that it was all his fault her father had gone away.  Hoss had been very upset and embarrassed as all the children turned to look at them, and nothing he did would calm her down.  Finally, Mr Lawson had picked her up and carried into the schoolroom to talk to her.  When Hoss had squeezed into his desk it was to find himself seated next to Katie instead, with Jenny as far from him as it was possible to be.  He found it difficult to make close friends; he was too shy.  Jenny had been one of the few and it hurt to think she blamed him for her father’s troubles.

He sniffed quietly and looked around the classroom.  The other children mostly laughed at him.  He dropped his eyes back to his desk.  He wasn’t as clever as they were and he knew he was big and clumsy;  only Jenny had really befriended him since he started school.

“Erik!  Erik!” Mr Lawson was standing right next to him and it was clear that he had been calling his name for some time.

Hoss looked up, startled.  “Uh… I..,” he stuttered.

“Erik, do you think you could concentrate on our lesson?  Now, please read the next page from the story,” Mr Lawson said, frowning at the other children who were trying to hide their giggles.

Hoss picked up his book and began to read haltingly. He stopped in embarrassment when laughter erupted around him. It hadn’t been that bad, he thought. He glanced across at his older brother who was shaking his head.

Mr Lawson sighed. “Alex read that piece some fifteen minutes ago.” He flipped over several pages of Hoss’ book.  “We are here now. Since you can’t seem to concentrate with all your classmates around you, you can stay tonight and read it to me after school.  Now, please continue from here.” He pointed to the line he wished Hoss to read and then moved back to the front of the classroom.

 

Hoss struggled his way through two paragraphs before, to his great relief, Mr Lawson moved on to Jenny. As he finished reading he saw his older brother flash him a sympathetic smile, it made him feel a little better.

To Adam, seated on the hard bench, the day seemed never ending.  He made a further attempt to talk to Ross at the lunch time recess but Ross walked off with Reuben and Louise leaving Adam alone.  He leaned against the porch and ate his lunch and then joined his younger brother who was sitting miserably on a log watching Jenny and Katie skipping.

“Looks like we’re both being ignored today,” he said, resting his hand on Hoss’ shoulder.

Hoss looked up at him. “Ross mad at you?”

Adam sighed. “Yep, real mad. He ain’t gonna get over this for months. Jenny really went for you this morning.  I guess she’s gonna take a while to calm down, too.”

“It ain’t fair,” Hoss wailed. “I never had no choice. You did, you didn’t have to get Ross in trouble.”

Adam screwed up his nose and gave a wry grin. “He didn’t have to help me, he had a choice, too, you know.  It wasn’t all my fault, but try telling that to him.”

“Adam, you think Mr Curran will be in jail for a long time?”  Hoss asked anxiously.

Adam shrugged. “I dunno. Pa was telling Jake he thought it would three or four years.”

Hoss gasped. “That’s awful!  Jenny’ll be grown-up.”

Adam laughed. “Hardly, she’ll be about twelve. That’s not grown-up, leastways Pa don’t think so. He won’t believe we’re grown-up until we’ve got gray hair.  She’ll come around, you’ll see,” he said gently, wanting to reassure his brother that things would turn out right.

The bell sounded and both boys followed the other children back into the classroom.  The afternoon was warm and Adam found himself having to pinch himself to stay awake.  He was glad when Mr Lawson told them to put away their books.

“Now, children, don’t forget we have a spelling test tomorrow.” Mr Lawson closed his own books with a snap.  “Erik Cartwright, you are to stay and read to me, and I’d like to see Adam Cartwright, too, please.”

Adam’s head shot up in surprise. What had he done now? He couldn’t think of anything. The other children trooped out of the classroom glad to be free and Adam noticed that despite the frosty atmosphere between them, Ross flashed him a look of sympathy.

“Erik, start reading at page seven, please,” Mr Lawson instructed. He waited until Hoss had read a couple of lines then he turned to Adam. “I cleaned this up a bit,” he said drawing the steam engine from his desk. “It’s a very nice piece of work.  It would be shame not to see if it operates properly.”

Adam’s mouth dropped open and he snapped it shut.  Mr Lawson was setting up the engine on his desk and was adding water to the reservoir.

“Now, if you had used turpentine instead of brandy you would have got a steadier flame and not the flash that you experienced,” he said quietly as he put a match to the spirit.

Adam watched in fascination as the fuel burned and heated the water. It did not seem very long before the piston on the engine began to move and to his delight it worked almost perfectly.

“It works!” he exclaimed excitedly, his eyes shining with pride.

John Lawson smiled.  “Did you doubt that it would? It needs a little adjustment, but it’s a beautiful piece of engineering Adam. I’m sorry that you can’t have it back but your father was quite adamant about that.  He was obviously very angry.”

Adam hung his head. “Yeah, he was.  He’d already taken it away from me once.”

Lawson nodded.  “Maybe next time you want to conduct an experiment you will come to me first.”

“Yes, sir. I promise,” Adam replied solemnly.

Mr Lawson extinguished the flame and moved the engine to one side.  “Well, now you know how a steam engine works. You’d better get along home or your mother will wonder where you are.”

Adam glanced back at Hoss and then up at the schoolteacher.

John Lawson tried to hide his smile.  “Erik, I think you can finish reading that at home tonight.  Your brother can listen to you and let me know that you completed it.”

Hoss needed no second telling. He had been trying hard to read and see what they had been doing with the engine and it was a relief to be able to stop.

“Try to give me all your attention tomorrow, will you?”

“Yes, sir,” Hoss gulped as he followed his older brother out of the classroom into the afternoon sun.

“You gonna tell Mama I got kept after school?” Hoss asked with a worried frown.

Adam grinned. “No, if we hurry she won’t even notice we’re late.”

 

Marie didn’t notice, she was too busy scrubbing her youngest son.  When Adam and Hoss arrived home, Joe was in the bath in front of the fire and his mother was washing him vigorously and castigating him at the same time. Adam glanced at Hoss and grinned.  Whatever Little Joe had done it had certainly put Marie in a bad mood.  She looked up as the boys came in and they could see that she was very angry.

“Adam, pass me that towel please?” she asked, pointing at a fluffy white towel hanging on the end of the settee.

Adam did as he was bid. “What did he do?”  he asked, nodding in Joe’s direction.

Marie drew in a deep breath. “Oh, he went out into the barn with Jake and found a pot of red paint.  Before Jake could stop him he had poured it over his head…”

Adam started to smile then he caught Hoss’ eye and the two of them collapsed in laughter.

“It’s not funny!”  Marie snapped. “When I saw him walking out of the barn I thought it was blood.  I was terrified he’d injured himself.”

Both boys tried very hard to contain their laughter, it obviously wasn’t a good idea with Marie in her present mood.

“It’s taken me nearly an hour to clean him up and his clothes are ruined,” she went on.

Joe peeped up at his brothers with a grin and Adam shook his head at him, if Marie saw that expression Joe was in real trouble.

Marie lifted him from the bath and began to dry him. “You are going straight to bed,” she said crossly.

Joe looked appealingly at Adam.  “Adam read me story?” he asked.

“No, no stories and you go right to sleep. I’m very cross with you. You are a very naughty boy.  You were told not to touch anything!”  Marie said harshly.

Joe’s lower lip trembled.  Mama had already smacked him, and to go bed this early and without a story was too much. “Please Mama?” he whispered.

Adam couldn’t resist the plea in his little brother’s voice. “I’ll put him to bed for you,” he offered, winking at Joe.

Unfortunately, Marie saw the gesture. “Oh, I’m sure you will, and then defy me and read to him, I suppose.  You, young man, are in enough trouble without adding to it. There are chores waiting.  Get to them or you’ll be joining your brother in an early night.”

Adam almost made an angry retort but her eyes told him it would be a bad mistake. He hadn’t seen her this angry for some time and he threw Joe a look of sympathy as he turned to make for the door.  Hoss hesitated only a second longer before following his brother.

Once safely in the barn, Adam breathed a sigh of relief.  He grinned at Hoss.  “She sure is mad.  We better be on our best behaviour tonight.”

“Poor Joe. He really didn’t do anything so bad,” Hoss said, picking up the pitchfork and leaning on it.

“Try using that thing or we’ll be here all night,” Adam grinned. “Marie always gets mad quicker when Pa’s not here.  I think she feels that anything we do wrong is her fault. She misses him too, it makes her short tempered,” he added thoughtfully.

He worked steadily alongside his brother until all the chores were finished and as he worked he resolved to be more helpful to Marie while Pa was away.  Maybe by his actions he could make up for the fire and win back his father’s approval.

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER  30

 

“Now boys, please calm down and let your father drink his coffee in peace,” Marie tried to make herself heard over the noise of three boys each trying to get Ben’s attention.

Ben sank into his chair and pulled Joe on to his knee. “How about you tell me your news one at a time?” he smiled. “You first, Joe.”

Joe grinned triumphantly at his brothers and snuggled closer to his father. “Jake finded a rabbit for me.  It was hurt and he mended it.  It’s in the barn.  Come see!” Joe began to climb down grabbing his father’s hand and pulling him as he went.

“Hey, hold on! I’ll go see it tomorrow, it’s nearly bedtime now.” Ben ignored Joe’s trembling lip and imminent tantrum and gave a questioning glance at Marie, who was standing behind the sofa. “We adopting dinner now?” he grinned.

Marie smiled and shrugged. “I’ll tell you about it later.”

“I want you to see him now,” Joe demanded.

Ben frowned at his small son. “Joseph, I said tomorrow. I want to hear what your brothers have been doing, too,” he said firmly.

Joe pouted but subsided into a sullen silence and put his thumb in his mouth.  He might have argued with his mother but when Papa spoke like that it wasn’t wise to say any more.

“What about you, Hoss?  What have you been doing?” Ben reached an arm out and beckoned his middle son closer to him.

“Nuthin’ much,” he grinned. “Keepin’ Honey away from Joe’s rabbit mostly.  She wants to eat it.”

“So do I,” Adam laughed. “It’s a real nice plump one.”

“Mama!” Joe wailed, his eyes filling with tears.

“Adam, stop it.  He won’t hurt your rabbit, sweetie, he’s just teasing,” Marie reassured her little son.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it, Joe,” Adam apologized.

Ben gulped down a mouthful of coffee and looked up at Marie in surprise.

She tilted her head on one side and smiled. “That’s something else I’ll tell you about later,” she whispered.

“Did you bring us a present, Pa?” Hoss asked.

Ben smiled. “Well, I might have, but I need to know that you’ve all been good first.     How about it?  Have you?”

All three boys looked anxiously at Marie.  Joe was afraid Mama might tell about the paint.  She had been cross with him for the longest time.  Hoss didn’t think Mama knew about him being kept after school but he wondered if he should own up, just in case.  For once in his life, Adam felt he had a clear conscience; he had done nothing that he shouldn’t and he hoped Marie felt the same way.  Ben tried to hide a smile as he saw how all three boys fixed on Marie and held their breath.

“Oh, I think they’ve been pretty good,” Marie smiled.

“Well, if Adam would like to fetch my saddle bags I just might find a little candy or something.” Adam needed no second telling, the bags were on his father’s knee in seconds.          Ben withdrew three packages and handed one to each of them.  Joe tore off the brown paper and his eyes lit up when he discovered a beautifully carved horse and rider.  Hoss’ parcel contained a hunting knife which he turned over in his hand, unable to believe that Pa at last considered him old enough to have a knife of his own.

“Thank you, Pa,” he breathed.

Adam knew from the feel of his parcel that it was a book and he unwrapped it slowly.  He turned it on its side to read the title on the brown binding and then dropped to the floor and sat cross legged before opening it to the first page.  It was entitled Engineering Science and each chapter covered a different engineering problem and its solution.  He looked up and saw his father smiling at him.

“I figured that if I’m going to have an engineer in the family, I’d better make sure you don’t burn the house down while you’re learning.”

“Thanks Pa. I promise I’ll be careful,” Adam said quietly, holding the book almost reverently as he turned the pages.

“Well, I hate to break this up, but it’s time Joe was in bed,” Marie said reaching down to lift her young son from Ben’s arms.

“Not yet, Mama!” he pleaded.

“If you’re a good boy and go up to bed now, I’ll come and tell you a story,” Ben promised.

Joe let go of his father reluctantly and said goodnight to his brothers.  He’d rather have stayed, but he knew that it would be no use to protest any more.  At least Mama hadn’t told Papa about the paint.

When Ben came back from his marathon story session with his youngest son, it was to find Hoss attempting to whittle a piece of fire wood with his new knife and Adam curled up in the chair deep into his new book.  Marie looked up from her sewing at his footsteps and he nodded at the two boys and smiled at her.

“Now tell me more about this rabbit we have acquired?” he grinned as he settled into his chair and took out his pipe.

Marie laughed. “Jake set some traps because there were rabbit holes behind the barn.  Unfortunately, one of them caught a small rabbit by the foot.  Jake was about to deal with it when Little Joe arrived on the scene.  He couldn’t bring himself to kill it with Joe around and Joe thought Jake had found it just for him.  We are now the proud owners of one rabbit, called         Furry of all things, and if you want to get rid of it you can deal with the tantrum.”

“I suppose when you count up Hoss’ collection, one more rabbit won’t make much difference,” Ben replied, lighting his pipe and puffing on it.

“I ain’t got many animals now, Pa.  Most of ’em have been set free,” Hoss protested.

Ben sighed.  “Your English needs improving.  How many times have I told you not to say ‘ain’t’?  Are you learning anything in school?”

Hoss decided it was better not to answer; in just a few weeks the school year would end and there would be a report for his father and Hoss had a feeling it wasn’t going to be that good.

“You haven’t told us how the trip went,” Marie said after a few moments. “What happened to Bonner and Curran?”

Hoss’ head came up quickly. Maybe if Mr Curran had been treated lightly Jenny would speak to him again.

Ben removed his pipe from his mouth and tapped it thoughtfully on his teeth. “Both of them have already served jail sentences so the Judge wasn’t impressed.  He gave them both five years.”

Hoss swallowed hard; Jenny would never forgive him now.

“Bonner still has two years of an old sentence to do and the Judge added another year for his escape so he won’t be out for eight years.”

Marie gave a low whistle. “What about those poor children?”

Ben looked across at her and gave a guilty smile. “I was kind of hoping you might mention that,” he said slowly with an embarrassed grin.

Marie sighed. “What have you done?”

“Chad is going to see that Mrs Curran and the little girl are alright and I sort of promised we’d do the same for the Bonner family. You know, maybe give Rick a job or something….” he finished lamely as he saw her expression.

“Ben Cartwright, you are the most infuriating, crazy idiot I have ever known,” she blazed at him, then her face softened into a smile “…and I love you.” She shook her head as if he was a complete mystery to her.

“Then I’m forgiven?” he said quietly with a smile.

“I suppose so, but don’t come and complain when things go wrong and with Rick they will,” she predicted.  She put down her sewing and frowned at the wood shavings on the rug. ‘Hoss, please clear those up now.  It’s time for bed,’  she said gently.

Hoss began to sweep up the shavings with his hands and Ben was surprised to see Adam bend down to help him.

 

“I think I’ll take my book up to my room,” Adam said quietly. “I’m a bit tired.” He got to his feet and stretched and Ben noticed how tall he was getting.  He had almost outgrown his clothes and they had only been purchased a few months ago. More expense, he sighed to himself.

“Would you look in on Little Joe for me, Adam?” Marie called as he made for the stairs.

“Yes Ma’am,” he called back.  “Goodnight.”

Hoss scrambled to follow his brother calling “Goodnight” as he reached the half landing.

Ben watched them go, waiting until he heard the bedroom doors close before turning to Marie with a puzzled frown. “You said you would explain that?” he said pointing at the staircase.

Marie gave a chuckle. “Well, I’m not sure I can explain it but whatever caused it, it’s most welcome.  Our eldest son has developed into an angel overnight.  Since you left he has been so polite and well-behaved I am beginning to suspect an ulterior motive.  I can’t believe that your little… ‘talk’ … before you left has had such a profound effect.”

“Neither can I, although I must admit, he did seem truly sorry for once.  Usually I get the feeling he says sorry for form’s sake or because he is sorry; sorry he got caught.”  Ben got up and absently tapped his pipe out on the hearth. “I did a lot of thinking on this trip.” He hesitated and stared into the fire.  “Adam has had a rough childhood in a lot of ways, in fact I’m not sure he’s had a childhood.  He has had to deal with hardships and problems that would have defeated many adults.”

“But he’s always had love and that’s important,” Marie interrupted.

“Yes, but I’ve not always shown it; not always given him enough of my time.  I’m going to have to go to San Francisco in a couple of months, there’s a timber contract from the government being offered.  Brogan tipped me off about it in Sacramento last week.  He thinks I stand a good chance of getting it if I can meet the delivery on the cattle and horses. I’m going to take Adam with me.” He glanced up and smiled.  “In fact, why don’t we all go?  It would be nice for you to see a city again, a chance to relax and enjoy ourselves before winter sets in again.”

Marie’s face lit up. “Oh, Ben!  Could we?  I love it here, but I miss the shops and the theatres, too.”

Ben gently stroked her hair. “You’ve been so patient, so good about being brought to this wilderness.  I think it’s about time I showed you something other than ‘cows’ as you call them. Talking of other things, I brought a couple of other things from the city, too.” He delved into his saddle bags again and extracted some firecrackers.

“What on earth did you buy those for?” Marie asked with a horrified expression. “I thought you wanted the boys to be good.”

“Well, they never get to celebrate properly way out here and I thought that as we usually go up to the lake on the 4th of July, they couldn’t do much harm there with a few firecrackers.  I won’t give them to them until the day.”

Marie shook her head and laughed. “Are you sure they aren’t for you?”

Ben looked suitably embarrassed.  “Well, maybe me, too.  It’s been about thirty years since I had any.  I remember scaring my sister with them and getting sent to bed.”

 

Marie laughed again.  “I bet you were a real terror.”  She settled herself on his knee and gave him a hug.

“Well, I hate to say it, but Adam is a lot more like me at fourteen than either of us would like to admit.” Ben leaned forward and pulled another parcel from the bag.  It was a small, slim box and he handed it to Marie.  “For the most beautiful woman in the world,” he said softly.

Marie took the box and opened it slowly.  “Oh, Ben.  You shouldn’t have spent money on me, we can’t afford it.”  Her eyes lit up at the contents.  There, nestled on a bed of tissue, was a perfect string of pearls.  “They’re beautiful,” she breathed.

“I’m glad you like them,” he said, lifting the necklace from the box and fastening it around her slim white throat.  He closed his eyes and sent up a prayer of thanks.  With only five dollars in his pocket, he had not been able to buy anything, much less pearls. In an uncharacteristic moment he had decided to risk his last dollars.  She didn’t need to know that their bank account was overdrawn and that all his gifts had been the result of a lucky evening at a poker table.

 

“Is the picnic basket in the wagon?” Hoss asked, jumping up and down beside his older brother.

“Sure it is. Don’t you ever think of anything other than your stomach?” Adam grumbled.  “Go get some blankets and cushions.”

Hoss stuck his tongue out at his brother and then ran into the house to escape any retribution. A few minutes later he returned with the important items closely followed by Marie and Little Joe.

“Where’s  Pa?  We ain’t never gonna get there,” Hoss sighed dramatically.

“I’m right here,” Ben said, coming up behind him and swinging him into the air.  He dropped him again quite quickly and groaned. “I shan’t be able to do that for much longer.  When are you going to stop growing?”

“I’m near as tall as Adam now. I’m gonna bigger’n him by next year,” Hoss said proudly.

Adam sneered. “’Yeah?  So’s an ox, dumber, too.”

Hoss launched himself at his brother and Ben got between them. ”That’s enough.  We’ll have no fighting or arguing today or you’ll stay home,”  he said sternly.

The two boys backed off and climbed into the back of the wagon but they still glared at each other.  Ben shook his head in despair and lifted his youngest son up to join the older ones. “Joe, see if you can keep them apart, will you?” he smiled.

Ben helped Marie on to the wagon seat and climbed up beside her.  The journey to the lake they had done hundreds of times and it was uneventful.  They picnicked at their favourite spot and in the peaceful summer day all seemed right with the world.  Finally, when the food was consumed and the debris packed away, Ben brought out the firecrackers.  He handed some to Adam and some to Hoss and entrusted Adam with the matches.

“Now remember, no throwing them at each other or near the horses.  Go someplace away from us to let them off,” he ordered.

Adam and Hoss nodded and raced off along the lake shore.

“I want some crackers,” Joe began to whine.

Marie raised her eyebrows and Ben sighed. “You’re not old enough for them, Joe.  You stay here with us and I’ll tell you a story about the monster in the lake.”

At first it looked as if a tantrum was imminent but the idea of a monster won out. “Is there really a monster in there?” Joe asked wide eyed, pointing to the water.

Ben smiled and cuddled his small son up on his lap.  “The Paiutes think so.  There are lots of legends about it.  If you sit quietly I’ll tell you about it.”

Marie smiled at her two men; it was lovely to see them together like this.  There weren’t enough quiet family moments these days.  Ben always seemed to be working, with no time for her or their sons.  This damned ranch was beginning to be a millstone not a blessing.  It ate all their money instead of making it.  This army contract had better be the saviour Ben seemed to think it was.  It all depended on those cattle being delivered on time in September and then the timber contract would follow.  She was lost in her thoughts, even the sounds of the firecrackers in the distance didn’t disturb her.

“Marie… Marie sweetheart…”

She jumped a little and looked up at Ben’s soft but persistent tone. “I’m sorry. I was miles away,” she answered.

“Somewhere nice I hope?” he laughed.

She glanced at him and noticed that Little Joe was sound asleep in his arms. “My, how did you do that?  I’ve been wishing he’d have an afternoon nap again for weeks.”

“I’m not sure it’s a compliment to my stories but at least he’s not up to mischief,” he grinned. “Probably dreaming about it instead. Now, if I can put him down without waking him, I’ll fetch the boys to watch him and we can go for a walk.” He gently lowered his little son on to the cushions and breathed a sigh of relief as Joe slept on.

 

Ben clasped Marie’s hand as they climbed up the slope away from the lake.  It was so quiet up here that they seemed to be the only people in the world.

“Are you alright?  It’s getting steeper,” Ben asked concerned for Marie’s welfare.

“I’m fine, the view should be worth the climb.” She stopped and held up her hand.  “Listen, I can hear water.  There must be a waterfall near here.”

Ben listened too and then they both moved off toward the sound.  Suddenly as they rounded a large rock there was a small waterfall tumbling down to the stream below.  The sunlight sparkled on the droplets making tiny rainbows.

“Oh, Ben! How beautiful,” Marie said running towards the falls and letting her hand spray the water outward.

“Careful,” Ben called after her, “the rocks are slippery.”   But she was gone.

“Ben, over here!”  Marie called.

He followed the sound of her voice and found her standing in a small passageway under the falls.  “It goes right under and it’s quite dry,” she told him, taking his hand and pulling him forward.  “Look at that view,” she breathed as she drew him to her and pointed out across the vista of the mountains and the lake sparkling below them.  She sat down on the grass and pulled him down beside her. “I wonder if anyone has ever been here before?  Think of it, we may be the first people ever to see this.”

Ben smiled indulgently at her. “You are an incurable romantic, my darling.”

Marie lifted her face to his kiss. “I love you,” she said softly.

 

Far below them the boys were getting restless.  Joe was still sleeping and the two older boys were getting tired of just sitting and watching him.

“You think Mama and Pa will be much longer?” Hoss asked hopefully.

Adam shrugged. “Depends how far they’ve walked, I guess.  We could swim.  We could still see Joe from the water.”  He hesitated a little; it wasn’t strictly true, since it would difficult to keep an eye on the sleeping boy if they were fooling around in the water. “I mean, he probably won’t wake up anyhow.”

Hoss looked doubtful.  “You think it would be alright?”

Adam nodded.  “Yeah come on.  It’s hot and we won’t be gone long.  He’ll be alright.”           Suiting action to words he began to strip off his shirt.  Hoss followed him and soon both were naked and diving into the water.  They fooled around in the shallows for a while and Adam glanced up occasionally to see that Joe was still sleeping.  It wasn’t long before this activity began to pall and Adam wanted to really swim.

“I’ll race you to the rocks over there,” he yelled pointing to a small promontory along the shore.

Hoss looked anxiously at the shore and shouted something but it was lost to his older brother who had already struck out for the distant point.  Hoss was only a few seconds behind him but he wasn’t such a good swimmer and by the time he reached the rocks, Adam had scrambled on to the lower ones and was half in and half out of the water watching him.

“You’ll have to do better than that to beat me,” Adam grinned, wiping the water from his face with the back of his hand.

“I started after you,” Hoss complained, holding on to the rocks to regain his breath.

“We’d better get back before Pa and Marie come back or we’ll be in trouble for leaving Joe,” Adam said.  As he spoke he looked over to the bank where Joe was still asleep. “See?  I told you he’d be alright”’

Adam slipped back into the water beside his brother. “I’ll give you a start, count of twenty, Okay?  One… two…three…”  he began as Hoss pushed off into the deeper water.

Joe woke with a start and sat up quickly.  He was alone, the picnic things had gone and apart from the cushion he had been cuddling and two piles of clothes, there was nothing on the beach.  He turned anxious eyes to the water but saw only tiny ripples on the calm surface near the shore, further out he could see a dark shape which disappeared and then re-appeared as he watched.

“Mama!” he called softly at first, then louder, “MAMA!”

There was no answer and no sound other than the waves lapping on the sand.  Where were his parents and his brothers?  The story of the monster came back to him.  Pa had said the Paiutes believed it took people to its lair.  Tears began to form in his eyes and his screams became louder.  “MAMA!  MAMA!”

All of a sudden the dark shape appeared near the beach, Joe’s screams reached a peak and he covered his eyes with his hands.  The monster was going to eat him, he was sure of it!

“Joe, Joe… stop it.  It’s me, Adam.” His older brother gripped him by the shoulders and shook him, then pulled him close and hugged him tight. “It’s alright, you’re alright.”  Adam persisted.

“What’s wrong, Joe?” Hoss asked gently.

Joe sobbed wildly and clung to his older brother getting himself wet in the process.  “I… I ‘fought the… monster had eat you,” Joe choked out.

Adam looked mystified.  “What monster Joe?  There’s no monster in the lake.”

Joe nodded vigorously.  “Yes, there is… Pa said so.  He telled me a story about it.”

Adam snorted.  “Huh! And Pa tells me I scare him with fairy tales.” He released his little brother long enough to grab his clothes and begin to dress.  He was given just long enough to pull on his pants and boots before Joe threw himself in his arms again.

“Don’t leave me, Adam,” the little boy cried.

“It’s alright Joe.  We didn’t go far, just for a quick swim,” he said trying to pull on his shirt with one hand while holding his little brother with the other.  He caught Hoss’ eye.  ‘Try calming him down while I get a towel to dry my hair.  If Pa sees him in this state we’ll be in for it.’

Hoss did his best but by the time Ben and Marie walked back through the trees, Joe was still nervous and his eyes were red-rimmed from crying.  Adam tried to cover this up by talking rapidly, asking his parents where they had been and whether they should pack up to go home.  Ben, however, wasn’t fooled. In fact Adam’s behaviour only made him more suspicious.  He swung Joe up into his arms and touched his cheek.

“What’s the matter, Joe?  Why are you upset?” he said gently.

Joe reached out for his mother and Marie took him from her husband. “It’s alright, sweetie.  Didn’t Adam tell you we had just gone for a walk?”

Joe shook his head and Adam shifted uneasily from one foot to the other waiting for Joe to tell her that he had been left alone.  Hoss had gone scarlet and he turned away hoping his father wouldn’t notice.

Ben looked from one to the other.  “Well…?”

Adam shrugged. “I guess the story you told him scared him, when he woke up he thought the monster was coming out of the lake.”

Ben tilted his head on one side and folded his arms.  “You were right next to him and you reassured him, of course, so why is he in this state and why is his shirt all wet?”

Uh oh, this was going to be harder to explain than he thought.  Adam’s mind raced for a suitable explanation that didn’t involve any lies but didn’t involve telling the whole truth either.  He tried to avoid looking at his father and didn’t notice the slight smile, as Ben realised Adam was avoiding him.

“Couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that your hair is wet, could it?  Hoss’ too.  Did you go swimming?” he asked sternly. “Did you leave Joe on his own?”

Adam swallowed hard.  “We were just fooling around in the water Pa.  It’s awful hot.”

Ben leaned closer to his oldest son. “He could see you all the time then, could he?”

Adam knew he was defeated.  How did Pa always know? “We swam over to the rocks, we mighta been out of sight for a few minutes,” he admitted.

Ben nodded slowly, “You left him alone, is that right?”

Adam scraped the toe of his boot in the sand.

“I asked you a question, boy.  Answer me?” Ben’s voice was low and demanding.

Adam bit his lip. “Yes, sir…, but only for a few minutes.”

“A few minutes!” Ben stormed at him. “Long enough for him to wander off, fall in the lake or become terrified by an imaginary monster! Just when are you going to become responsible?  When am I going to be able to trust you to do as you are told?” He swung around to include Hoss in his next pronouncement.  “Neither one of you will be swimming for a good while.  Now, get in the wagon.”  He pointed in the direction of the rig and waited until they were both on board before gathering up the cushion and blanket that Joe had been sleeping on.

Adam muttered something under his breath as they climbed in the back of the wagon but stopped when he saw Marie raise her eyebrows.  As Marie passed Ben on her way to join them, she whispered, “I guess we didn’t have to wait too long for the angelic phase to wear off.”

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 31

 

 

Hoss allowed the cool water to trickle through his fingers, the stream was the only thing that was cool today.  It was a very hot Saturday afternoon and the three brothers were lazing on the banks of the stream.  Hoss had been fishing but he hadn’t had any luck and had given up.  Adam was leaning against a rock with his book.  It was the first day that the two older boys had been allowed out of the yard since the picnic and Adam was sure that his father had insisted they take Joe with them as an extension of their punishment.  Pa sure could get mad over such little things.  He glanced up occasionally to check that his youngest brother hadn’t strayed, it wouldn’t do to lose him, but Little Joe was too intent on building a dam in the shallows to wander off today.  Adam smiled at the haphazard construction that his baby brother had built across the shallow part of the creek.

“Whaddya think a big city will be like?” Hoss asked rolling over on to his stomach and chewing on a piece of grass.  They were going as soon as school was out next week and Hoss had been giving the visit a lot of thought.

Adam put his book down and rested his chin on his knees. “Lots of people I guess, stores and stuff.  San Francisco’s a port, so there’ll be ships.”

“Like the ones in your book and like Pa’s model, you mean?” Hoss moved closer to his brother.  Adam knew about everything in Hoss’ opinion, and no one was better at finding out what you wanted to know.

“Yeah, big ships.  I want to go on one some day, like Pa and Grandpa Stoddard.”

Hoss could feel his brother drifting off into his own world, it was irritating when he did that.  Hoss didn’t often think of places other than here.  He had never known anywhere else, or events other than his daily life.  His brother had big dreams and it sometimes appeared that Adam lived for what would be and not what was now.

Both boys were suddenly brought back to earth with a bump or rather a splash.  Adam leaped to his feet and rushed to the water’s edge, then he stopped and started to laugh.  Little Joe had been pulling hard on an aspen branch which was jammed in amongst the rocks, it had suddenly come free and he had tumbled backwards into the shallow water.   Hoss joined his older brother and the two of them couldn’t help chuckling at the sight of their baby brother covered in mud and leaves and sitting in the cool water.  At first it looked as though Joe would cry but then a look of pure mischief came into his eyes and he scooped up water in his baby hands and threw it at his oldest brother.  There wasn’t much but the cold droplets sprinkled over Adam’s bare arms and chest making him jump back and causing Joe to giggle.       Adam waded into the water and retaliated by splashing Joe who just chuckled. Hoss, not to be left out, joined them and soon all three were rolling and splashing in the shallow water.  Hoss and Joe joined forces and finally succeeded in pinning their older brother to the gravel so that he had to struggle to keep his head out of the water.

“Hey, quit it!” Adam spluttered.  “I’m drowning.”

He tried to heave Joe off his chest but his little brother just giggled and grabbed a handful of Adam’s hair to save himself.

“C’mon Joe. We’d better let him up or he’ll get mad,” Hoss laughed, lifting his baby brother off into the shallows again.

Adam struggled to his feet and glanced down at himself and then across at his brothers.  “You got any idea what we look like?”  he grimaced.

Hoss laughed again. “Yeah! You look drowned and Joe looks like he’s had a mud bath.”

“Go ahead, laugh!  Hope you keep laughing when Marie sees us,” Adam said grimly.

Hoss drew in a sharp breath and sobered immediately. “You think she’ll get mad?” he asked.

Adam sighed. “At me, probably.  The usual you ought to be more responsible speech.  I was kinda hoping to get into her good books, she’s been awful short-tempered lately.  There are things I want to do in San Francisco and I don’t want Pa mad at me again.”

Hoss fixed his eyes on his boots.  “Don’t worry, it’s me he’ll be mad at by the end of the week.”

Adam put an arm around his brother’s shoulders. “You’re not still worrying about that test on Monday, are you?  You’ll do fine.”

Hoss shrugged off his brother’s arm and stared out across the stream to the distant hills. “It ain’t just the test.  My grades ain’t bin very good, and anyhow Mr Lawson said we gotta work the problems out on the board in front of everyone.”

“So what?” Adam replied bending down to gather up the picnic things.

“The other kids laugh at me when I get stuff wrong.” He kicked viciously at a stone. “I hate school, I ain’t goin’ Monday.”

Adam raised his eyebrows and drew his breath in between his teeth. “Pa’ll find out and you’ll be in trouble.”

“Why should he?  You cut school and he don’t know about it.” Hoss whirled around on his brother and glared at him. “You gonna tell on me?”  he snarled.

Adam made a face. “Course I’m not gonna tell, but you know you’ll let it out, you always do.”

Hoss knew that what his brother said was true.  Adam could twist or evade the truth and keep a straight face,  but he always gave himself away.  If he felt guilty it showed on his face and Pa knew he had done something he shouldn’t.

Adam picked Joe up and held him at arm’s length. “Boy, you are wet,” he grinned.  “Now you tell your Mama that you fell in the water and we waded in to rescue you, OK.”

Joe grinned and nodded.  Hoss frowned. “’You shouldn’t tell him to lie for us.”

“It’s not a lie, he did fall in and we did sorta rescue him.” Adam shrugged unconcerned.  “Anyhow, you were just saying you planned to tell lies to avoid the test at school.”  Adam gave a smug smile as Hoss turned his back on him and marched up the bank towards the house.  He and Joe followed at a more leisurely pace.

 

“You ready for our trip to the big city?” Ben asked as he came into the bedroom to find Marie checking over her clothes.

She glanced up distractedly. “What do you think I should wear?”

Ben laughed.  “How would I know?  I’ll buy you a new dress when we get there.” He pointed at the heap of clothes on the bed. “If, of course, you’ve got anywhere to keep it.” He pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

Marie pushed him away. “Stop it, we can’t afford new dresses.  I must get on, I’ve got a million things to do before we go,” she said abruptly.

Ben shook his head, he didn’t understand women.  She had been longing to go to the city for nearly three years and now that it was possible, she was short-tempered and irritable.  “We aren’t leaving for over a week, can’t they wait?”

His wife looked up at him as if he was particularly dumb today. “It’s all right for you, you don’t have to do anything.  I’ve got to pack for the boys, too.  They all need new clothes, they grow so fast and I don’t know how we are going to afford them, until the army start to pay up.  If we ever deliver on that damn contract,” she snapped.

“I thought I just got through buying new clothes for them,” Ben replied, ignoring her comments on the state of their finances.  He knew it was true, he had overstretched himself and money was more than tight.  He was beginning to wish he hadn’t promised them all a trip to San Francisco, it was going to be expensive, even in the cheapest hotel and they really couldn’t afford it.

“That was two months ago.  If you’d seen those new clothes an hour ago you wouldn’t recognize them,” she said crossly.

Ben knew he shouldn’t ask but curiosity got the better of him. “What did they do now?”

Marie stopped fussing with the dresses and turned on him. ‘They decided to take a mud bath with their clothes on.  Joe’s are ruined and the other two don’t look much better.  I can’t watch them all the time.’

Ben pulled her close to him. “Hey, don’t get so upset.  If it’s only mud and water they’ll wash out, all boys get grubby.”

Marie’s eyes lit up and she was almost in tears with frustration. “Yes, and I’ll be the one doing the washing.” She sank down on the bed and a tear slipped down her cheek.

Ben dropped down beside her and hugged her to his chest. “You really do need that holiday, don’t you?  I didn’t realise how tired you were, I’m sorry.” He patted her shoulder gently, not sure why she was so upset but recognizing that she was close to a real crying session.  “I’ll get Adam to help more, and Hop Sing and I will do a bit extra, too.”

Marie shook her head. “Hop Sing already does more than he should and Adam’s been very good lately, it’s not that.”  She sniffed loudly and looked up at him. “It’s… it’s… well, I think… I think I’m going to have another baby.”

Ben’s jaw dropped for a second then he grinned and picked her up and swung her around in his arms. “That’s marvelous news!” He stopped when she didn’t respond. “You are pleased, aren’t you?” he asked softly.

“Yes, of course, but I feel so tired and… and… we can’t afford another baby, we don’t…”  she hesitated and he knew what she was thinking.

“And you don’t think I am capable of providing properly for my family, is that it?” he said angrily.

“I didn’t say that,” she retorted.

“You didn’t have to. You’ve been hinting at it ever since I took on more men to meet the army contract. Every word you say reminds me that you don’t think I’m capable of delivering on time.”

He knew he was being unreasonable but he was worried, too.  They had both wanted another child and this should be a happy day but, like Marie, he was concerned about his ability to support another baby.  If he couldn’t fulfil the contract he would be bankrupt and if his present circumstances didn’t improve he’d probably follow Frank Bonner to jail for debt. He turned his back on her and tried to control his anger which stemmed from worry.  She needed his reassurance, not an argument.  He took a deep breath and looked back at her.

“Don’t get upset.  This timber contract will have an advance and it’s a big contract, it will turn out alright, you’ll see.”

Marie wasn’t moving an inch. “You haven’t got it yet. It depends on delivering the cattle in the fall, and even if you do get it, the advance will be needed to buy the logging equipment and hire more hands.”

She had just voiced his own fears again and it irritated him to have them pointed out quite so clearly.  He needed her to believe in him and at the moment it was obvious that she didn’t.

“There’s no talking to you when you’re in this mood,” he said coldly and went out slamming the door and stomping down the stairs.

Adam and Hoss had been cleaning themselves up in the kitchen and as they came into the living room their father stormed past them and out into the yard.

“Uh Oh!  I wonder what that’s about?” Adam commented, raising his eyebrows. “Can’t be us or he’d have yelled.”

“You think he’s had a quarrel with Mama?” Hoss asked anxiously.

Adam pursed his lips and scratched his ear. “If he has, supper’s gonna be frosty, she’s mad at us too.”

 

Adam lay on his back with his hands behind his head.  It must be after midnight and the house was very quiet.  Supper had indeed been frosty.  It was worse than he had imagined.  Pa had ridden off somewhere and Marie wasn’t saying whether she knew where he had gone or when he would be back.  He had been glad to be charged with putting his brothers to bed and then to be able to escape to his room to read.  Now, as he lay here unable to sleep, he wondered if he should go and see if Marie was alright.  She had seemed very upset and he hadn’t heard her come up to bed.  He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and pulled on his robe which was draped over the foot.

He crept softly past his brothers’ rooms and started down the stairs.  He stopped at the curve in the staircase unsure of what to do.  His stepmother was seated by the fire with her head in her hands and she was crying.  After a moment’s hesitation he continued until he was next to her chair.  He put a hand on her shoulder and she jumped, startled by his sudden appearance.

“What’s wrong?  Can I help?” he said softly, kneeling down beside her.

Marie’s eyes were red rimmed and her cheeks were wet with tears but she managed a weak smile at his concerned expression. “I’m sorry I disturbed you. I guess I’m just worried about your father.  He hasn’t come home yet.”

Adam patted her hand, a little embarrassed now that he was here. “Do you know where he went?”

Marie thought for a second. She had a very good idea where Ben had gone but she didn’t think telling his fourteen-year-old son that his father was probably in town getting drunk was going to help the situation.  She shook her head. “No, we had an argument.  I expect he’s gone to the lake to cool off.” It might be true; she didn’t think so, but at least it was an explanation.

Adam stroked her hand and stared at the floor.  He didn’t know what to say.  He could hardly ask what the argument had been about and no other topic of conversation seemed appropriate either.  He decided that just keeping her company for a while might help and he leaned his head against her knee.  She smiled down at him and rested her hand on his dark head, gently stroking his hair.  He was so like his father.  They sat like this for nearly an hour, both drawing comfort from the closeness.  Adam could smell her perfume and her touch sent shivers through him stirring feelings he didn’t understand, he only knew he wanted this time to go on forever.

At times like this he wonder how he could ever have hated her; but then when she yelled at him or took Joe’s side against him all his jealous feelings surfaced again.  Why was he so confused?  Why couldn’t he get his feelings about her straight in his head?  He glanced up at her but she seemed lost in thought, her face streaked with tears.  How could Pa hurt her like that?  He wanted to hold her not in a child’s hug but really hold her, tell her that it would be alright, he would look after her.  He was about to do so when she jumped to her feet pushing him to one side.  He sighed deeply; he heard it too, a horse in the yard.  He guessed his father must have come home.

“You’d better get back to bed before he comes in,” Marie urged him.

He hesitated for a second.  “You sure you’ll be alright?” he asked.

Marie nodded. “I’ll be fine. Goodnight and… thanks for keeping me company,” she said softly.

“Goodnight,” he replied equally softly as he went up the stairs.  He stopped at the top and moved around behind the pillar.  He had no intention of going to his room until he was sure that she was going to be alright.  He flattened himself against the wall to listen.

After a few moments he heard his father come in.

“You needn’t have waited for me,” Ben said in a husky voice.

“I was worried about you.  It’s very late,” Marie said quietly moving to help him with his coat. She smelled his breath and made the obvious observation. “Have you been drinking?”

He gave a hollow laugh. “Yeah, I’ve been drinking but don’t worry.  I’m not drunk.  As you so rightly pointed out we don’t have any money.  It’s kinda hard to get drunk with less than a dollar in my pocket.  You really find out who your friends are.”

Marie moved away from him but he reached out and caught her arm. “I’m sorry.  You’re right, I’m a pretty useless provider.  In fact, I’m not much good at anything, even getting drunk.”

“Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself! Do you know how worried I’ve been?” she snapped.

“I said I’m sorry.” He sank down on to the settee and held his hands out to her. “Please, I didn’t mean to lose my temper earlier.  But you do have a habit of pointing out all the things I try to avoid thinking about.”

Marie knelt down beside him and rested her head on his knee. “I’m sorry for all the things I said too.  Sometimes it seems as if  we will never get ahead.  Every time we get some money, something comes along to eat it up.   The boys need so many things.  I want the best for them, and another baby will make that harder.”

On the floor above Adam drew in a sharp breath and then realised that he shouldn’t be listening.  Pa would be angry if he found him eavesdropping, but he couldn’t help himself.

“We’ll make it, I know we will.  The boys will understand if they have to wear hand-me-downs.”

Marie smiled.  “And if this one is a girl?”

“She’ll grow up into a beautiful lady just like her mother; she’ll just do it in flannel shirts and pants.” He grinned and touched his wife’s cheek with his hand. “We’ll have a holiday in San Francisco and when we get back it will all seem better.  You want to tell the boys before we go?”

Marie shook her head. “It wouldn’t mean much to Joe yet, he’d be forever asking ‘when’, and the other two can wait.” She smiled. “I’m not sure how Adam will take the news.  I hope it’s better than last time.”

Adam crept back to his room, feeling very guilty.  Would he ever live down the awful months when Marie had first arrived?

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER  32

 

 

Adam leaned over and tried to spoon oatmeal into his little brother as his stepmother had instructed.  Joe was quite capable of feeding himself but this morning he was in an obstinate mood and had refused to lift the spoon.   As Adam spooned the food into his little brother and tried to keep it from ending up on his clothes, he thought of the news he had overheard.  Another baby would mean more chores for him, doing this all over again.  Perhaps this one would be a sister; he kinda liked the idea of a sister.  Rick’s baby sister was sweet and he liked playing with her.  Then again maybe that was because he only saw her when she was being good.

Hoss’ place at the table was empty and Adam wondered how much longer it would be before Marie went upstairs and dragged him out of bed.  He knew his brother didn’t want to go to school today but it was getting late and he could only delay the inevitable for so long before Marie got mad.

“Have you seen Hoss this morning?” Marie asked as she brought in the coffee pot from the kitchen.

Adam shook his head. “No, he was asleep when I came down.  I did knock on his door.”  He watched his stepmother closely; somehow, he expected her to look different.

“Well, he’s had long enough.  I’ve called him twice,” she said firmly.  She put the hot coffee well out of Joe’s reach and poured him some milk, then made for the stairs.

Adam scraped oatmeal off Joe’s chin. “I sure wouldn’t want to be Hoss at the moment, buddy,” he grinned.  He handed Joe the glass of milk and frowned when his little brother blew bubbles in it. “You’d better not let your Mama catch you doing that, she’s not in a good mood.”

Joe banged the glass down, spilling milk on the tablecloth. “Don’t want milk,” he pouted.

“If I were you, I’d drink it. I don’t think it’s the morning to try her patience,” Adam advised.  “Mornin’ Pa.”  He glanced up as his father joined them at the table.

“Good morning, son.  Drink your milk Joe.”

Adam gave his little brother a grin, which said, “I told you so.”

They all looked up as Marie came slowly down the stairs.

“Where’s Hoss?” Ben asked, pouring out his coffee as he spoke.

“He’s not well. He says he has a stomach ache. I’ll see what we’ve got in the kitchen to help,” Marie smiled.  “I don’t think it’s anything serious.”

Ben nodded and returned to his breakfast. Adam kept his eyes firmly on the tablecloth.  Surely Hoss wasn’t pretending to be ill to get out of the test?  If he was, Pa would skin him alive!  Nah, Hoss wouldn’t do that;  no test was that bad.  Nevertheless, it seemed a very fortuitous illness.

By the time Adam was ready for school Hoss had still not put in an appearance and Marie had announced that he was staying in bed today.  Adam rode to school alone until he reached the Marquette ranch where Ross joined him.  They were friends again but Ross was  very wary of getting involved in any of Adam’s suggested pastimes.

“Where’s Hoss?” Ross asked as Adam drew level with him.

“Says he’s sick,” Adam replied, his tone showing that he didn’t believe it.

Ross looked askance at his friend. “What d’you mean says?  He surely isn’t trying to fool your Pa?”

Adam grinned. “If he is, I hope he gets away with it.  I sure wouldn’t want to be him if he doesn’t.”

 

Hoss relaxed a little when he heard Adam leave.  If he continued to pretend until around lunchtime then it would be safe to ‘feel’ better.  He had been surprised how easily Mama had been deceived.  It had also surprised him that once he had told the lie he did begin to feel queasy but he knew that was his conscience telling him how bad he was being.  For a moment his older brother’s warning rang in his ears: ‘Pa’ll find out and you’ll be in trouble.’   He snuggled down under the covers and hoped that Pa would stay out in the yard; he knew that he wouldn’t be so easy to convince.

Mama looked in on him a couple of times and gave him some horrid medicine but he figured it was worth it to miss the test.  He hated school, the other children teased him and the older boys always wanted him to fight.  He wished he could make up with Jenny; she had understood and he missed her friendship.  By mid-morning, he was bored and hungry.  He hadn’t been able to eat breakfast in case Mama guessed he was faking his stomach ache and now he desperately wanted something to eat.  He heard his little brother racing along the hallway and called softly to him.

“Watcha doin’ in bed?” Joe asked as he put his head around the door.

“I’m sick,” Hoss replied.  “Come and talk to me?”

Joe immediately bounced on the bed. “You don’t look sick,” he observed.

“Sh…” Hoss put his finger to his lips. “Where’s Mama?”

“In the yard with Hop Sing doin’ fings with the garden. I’m gonna help,” he said proudly.

“Joe, I’m awful hungry.  Can you fetch me somethin’ to eat?  But don’t tell Mama.”           Joe looked puzzled. “Why not?”

Hoss sighed. “It’s a secret.  Please, Joe?”

Joe slipped off the bed and headed for the door and Hoss heard his footsteps going down the stairs.  It seemed ages before he returned but the handful of cookies more than made up for the wait.  Joe bounced back on the bed again and handed Hoss the cookies.

“Mama didn’t see you, did she?” Hoss asked anxiously.

Joe shook his head. “I toldja, she’s in the yard.”

Hoss stuffed the cookies into his mouth and began to tickle Joe. “You’re the best little brother.”

Joe giggled and jumped on his brother’s chest, soon both were rolling around on the bed amongst the cookie crumbs, arms and legs going everywhere.  Joe tried to escape from Hoss’s reach and in doing so his arm knocked over the medicine bottle that Marie had left on the table.  Hoss quickly righted it and wiped at the spilled drops with his nightshirt.

“What ‘dat?” Joe asked picking himself up and pointing at the bottle.

“Medicine,” Hoss replied. “Mama gave it to me this morning ‘cos I was sick”

“You ain’t sick no more are you?” Joe asked.

“No, I don’t believe he is,” said a stern voice from the doorway. “In fact, I don’t think he ever was.”

Hoss looked up to see his father standing with his hands on his hips, his eyes boring into his son’s.

“Joe, go find your mother,” Ben said quietly.

Joe knew his father was angry but he didn’t know why. He moved slowly to the door, never taking his eyes off his father’s face and once clear of the room he ran down the stairs and into the yard.  The silence in the room after Joe’s departure was so oppressive that Hoss really did feel sick.

“Erik, you have a test in school today I understand.”  Ben moved toward the bed and Hoss shrank back into the pillows, nodding almost imperceptibly.

“I know you don’t want to miss it so we’ll take a little ride in the buckboard.  I expect Mr Lawson can be persuaded to let you take it a little late.  But before we do that you and I are going to discuss your convenient illness and when we have finished I’m sure you will find that it isn’t your stomach that’s hurting.”

Hoss tried to move back even further into the bed, wishing with all his heart that he had listened to his older brother.

 

The morning passed pleasantly enough for Adam with nothing to tax his brain.  He let his mind wander from the arithmetic exercises to the trip to San Francisco and the things he would see there.  He wondered what the ocean really looked like… Would there be gold lying on the ground as some folks said?  Would the stores have goods that couldn’t be had around here?  He tried to remember what a city was like but only St Jo’ and Independence came to mind and he guessed that as he had been a small five-year-old then any town would have seemed large.

“Adam!” Ross nudged him. “You’re supposed to swap papers with me and mark off the answers,” his friend whispered.

Adam looked down at his own paper, only a little over half complete.  He sighed, and handed it to Ross.  Even if everything was right he wouldn’t do too well.  Mr Lawson began to ask pupils to work out the answers on the board and Adam prayed that he would get one of the early problems that he had completed. He grinned when he was called to do the fourth problem.  Not only had he done that, it was an easy one, too.  He had just regained his seat when there were footsteps outside the door.  All the children looked up in surprise, none more so than Adam.  In the doorway was his father with a severe expression on his face; beside him and being gripped firmly by the shoulder was Hoss, red-faced and staring intently at the floor.

Ben spoke quietly to Mr Lawson and then sent Hoss to his seat in the centre of the classroom.  Adam watched as his younger brother moved awkwardly to his desk and then sat down very gently.  Adam didn’t need to ask what had happened, the tear stains on his brother’s flushed cheeks told their own story.  It gave Adam no pleasure to know that he had been right in his advice.  His brother hadn’t even managed to escape the test, Mr Lawson was handing him a paper now.

 

At the lunch recess, Adam sought his brother out.  Hoss had retreated to the back of the schoolhouse away from the teasing and laughter of his schoolmates and Adam approached cautiously, not sure of the reception he would get.

“You okay?” he asked gently.

Hoss nodded and sniffed. “You gonna say I told you so, I suppose.”

“How did Pa find out?” Adam asked.

Hoss shrugged. “Joe came in and started jumping on me and fooling around.  He said Mama was talking to Hop Sing in the yard so I joined in.  I didn’t know Pa was in the living room.  He heard us and came up.”

“He was pretty mad, huh?” Adam asked sympathetically. He could imagine his father’s reaction to being deceived.

“Yeah, he sure was.  He gave me a tanning and brought me to school in the buckboard.  He’s comin’ back to fetch me tonight too, like I was a little kid,” Hoss said miserably, dragging his foot in the dirt.  “Said he’d do it everyday this week.”

Adam gave a low whistle. Hoss had trouble with the other kids already, this sure wasn’t going to help.  He wished there was some way to make his brother feel better but as well as what Hoss had already been through he still had to work one of the problems on the blackboard this afternoon; the very thing he had been trying to avoid.

 

“Pa, can I talk to you for a minute?” Adam asked tentatively, he had almost finished his evening chores and wanted to speak to his father before they went inside to supper.

Ben stopped filling the water buckets and looked at his eldest son, noting the slight hesitancy in his manner.  He leaned on the pump. “Can we talk while we work, or is this a serious discussion?” he said lightly.

“It’s kinda serious,” Adam replied, his dark eyes meeting his father’s.

“Oh, then maybe we’d better sit down.”  Ben perched himself on the edge of the water trough but Adam continued to stand in front of him, shifting uneasily from one foot to the other.

“Well, what’s so serious?” Ben tilted his head on one side. Adam was obviously finding it hard to say whatever was bothering him and he wondered what his son had done this time. “You have another letter for me?” he asked.

Adam shook his head vigorously. “Oh no, Pa.  Nothing like that.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Ben said with a half smile.

Adam cleared his throat self-consciously. “It’s about Hoss… he’s awful upset and…”  Adam’s voice faded as he saw his father’s expression harden.

“Erik has every reason to be upset.  What he did today was – “

“But Pa, do you have to meet him from school?” Adam interrupted. “The other kids laugh at him.  That’s why he wanted to miss school today, he knew they’d tease him when he got the test wrong and they did,” he said disgustedly.

“I’m sorry he’s having trouble at school, and I’ll talk to Mr Lawson about it.  But that has nothing to do with his punishment.  He deliberately deceived us.  I intend to make sure he goes to school everyday this week and stays there,” his father said angrily.

“But, Pa, you already punished him… I’ll make sure he goes to school, I promise,”  Adam pleaded.

Ben looked at his son’s earnest expression.  He knew that Adam was right, Hoss was having a hard time adjusting to school, but he couldn’t condone his behaviour this morning.  He thought for a moment…  there were only four days of school left and he was sure his son wouldn’t try to miss school again for a while, maybe he could afford to listen to Adam.  He certainly had enough to do before they left for California without riding to town twice a day.

He pointed a finger at his oldest son. “Do I have your word that you will take him into the schoolhouse with you and see that he stays there all day?”

Adam nodded. “I give you my word, Pa.”

“Alright, but that doesn’t mean I’m not very angry with him,” Ben replied sternly.

“Thanks, Pa.  I’ll look after him.  Can I go tell him now?”

Adam’s eager face made his father smile. “Go on, but remember you are responsible for seeing that he’s in school.”  His words were lost to Adam as he raced into the house.

For the next three days Adam not only escorted his brother to school he made sure he got up in time too.  He also won Hoss’ admiration by sticking up for him with the other children and persuading Jenny to talk to him again.  Adam didn’t let on that Jenny had been so upset by the children’s teasing that she had already decided to make up with Hoss, he simply reveled in the brotherly adoration.  Friday was the last day of the school year and Adam was looking forward to the San Francisco trip.  He knew that his brother was worried about his report card but for himself he confidently expected to get good grades.

He woke early on Friday morning and stretched himself out in bed.  In two days they’d be on the trail.  He wondered how many nights they would camp before they reached Sacramento? Maybe he would go look at Pa’s map before breakfast.  He dressed quickly and crept quietly along the hallway.  Once in the living room, he took the map from the desk drawer and spread it out.  It was a hand drawn copy of one of the early maps with San Francisco marked as its old name of Yerba Buena and didn’t give much detail, but he could see the route leading north-west up into the mountains and joining one of the emigrant trails to Donner Pass, from there the route led downwards to the river at Sacramento.  He knew that they would take a boat from there and his excitement grew; he would be on a steamship for the first time.  He would be able to see a steam engine!  He grinned when he recalled the trouble his own engine had caused him.  Maybe someday he’d be a sailor like his father and his grandfathers… but then again, he wanted to be an engineer, too.  Well, steamships would need engineers to build them, wouldn’t they?  He was beginning his voyage on his very own steamship when his father’s voice startled him.

“Morning son, you’re up early,” Ben said as he crossed over to the desk and pointed at the map. “Got our route all planned out, have you”’

Adam nodded.  “Morning, Pa.  Will we go on a steamship” he asked excitedly.

Ben smiled. “Well, I’m not sure you could call her a ship. The ferry is quite a small paddle steamer.  Marie will feel at home, it’s similar to the ones on the Mississippi only much smaller.” He became infected with his son’s enthusiasm. “I’ll take you down to the wharf and you can see some of the real ships, the Bay is packed with them.” He sobered a little.  “It’s sad to see so many beautiful ships abandoned, their crews gone off to find a fortune…  Hey, if we don’t get on with the chores, we won’t be able to go at all.  You go roust your brother out of bed and I’ll get started in the barn.”

Adam folded the map carefully and then did as he was told.  Hoss’ door was slightly ajar and he pushed it open calling to his brother.

“Hey, Hoss, time to get up.”

He crossed to the window and pulled back the curtains letting in the early morning summer sun.  Hoss turned over on to his back but didn’t wake up.  Adam rolled his eyes.  Hoss was a heavy sleeper and if he didn’t want to wake up it took ages to rouse him.  Leaning over the bed, Adam gave his brother a shake and then recoiled.  Hoss was burning up.  Even through his nightshirt, Adam could feel the heat.  He rested his hand on his younger brother’s forehead;  it was hot and dry and there were bright spots of colour on his cheeks.  Adam backed out of the room into the hallway.

“Marie,  MARIE,” he yelled.

Marie emerged from her bedroom still trying to fix her hair. “What’s the yelling about, is the house on fire?” she muttered.  She was not at her best first thing in the morning at the moment, and she preferred to have a cup of Hop Sing’s tea before she faced the day.

Adam grabbed her arm, causing her hair to fall around her shoulders again, much to her exasperation. “It’s Hoss, he’s sick.”

“Oh, not again!  What test has Mr Lawson got lined up for today?” she sighed. “If you two think I’m going to fall for that again you are very much mistaken and your father certainly won’t be amused”’

Adam pulled her toward Hoss’ bedroom. “No really, this time he is sick, he’s burning up with a fever.”

Marie shook her head and pushed her hair back over her shoulder. “Alright, let me look at him but this had better not be another lie.”

It took her only a few seconds to realise that it was far from a lie.  Hoss was red hot.   “Go fetch your father and then tell Hop Sing I need some cold water and some towels,” she said rapidly.  “Go on!” she instructed as Adam hesitated in the doorway.

 

Hours later Marie collapsed into a chair in the living room relieved that her stepson’s temperature had dropped and she was able to leave him for Hop Sing to watch over for an while.  She looked up in surprise as Adam entered the house.

“My goodness!  Is it that time already?”

He dropped his books on the table and pushed the report cards into Marie’s hand.  “How’s Hoss?” he asked with a worried frown.

“He’s still feeling awful but his fever’s gone and he’s going to be alright. He’s got a very sore throat and a cough. He’ll be up and about in a week, I’m sure.” She smiled encouragingly.

“In a week!  But we’re leaving for San Francisco on Monday,” Adam exclaimed, his voice rising.

Marie couldn’t help grinning. Over the past few months Adam’s voice, which had always been fairly deep, had shown promise of the deep baritone it would become.  But when he was upset or excited it reverted to a boyish treble. “I don’t think Hoss will be going anywhere for at least a week or two.”

“But we can’t go without him,” Adam almost cried.

“Go where?” Ben interrupted as he came in from the yard with Joe at his heels.

“Marie says Hoss won’t be able to go to San Francisco,” Adam looked at his father with imploring eyes.  Surely the trip wouldn’t be cancelled!

“No, that’s right.  I can’t delay the trip.  I have to meet Colonel Brogan on the 5th.” He held up his hand to still the protest he could see on his son’s lips. “There’s nothing I can do about it, that’s the way it is,” he said firmly.

“It’s not fair!  Why did Hoss have to get sick now?” Adam kicked at the table leg.

“That’ll do,” warned Ben sternly. “You’re too old for childish tantrums.  You simply have to accept that these things happen.  There’ll be other times for you to go to San Francisco.”

“When? I never get to go anywhere!” Adam interrupted his temper beginning to rise.  He pushed past his little brother making him totter back into the settee.

“Anymore of this and the only place you’ll be going is to bed, young man.  I’m sorry the trip is off but you will just have to be grown-up enough to understand.”

Adam was halfway to the door but he swung around and glared at his father, his black brows drawn together and his dark eyes almost hooded. “Oh sure, I have to be grown-up when it suits you!  You only treat me like a grown-up when it’s something unpleasant.  If it’s something I want to do, then I’m only a kid!”

Marie shook her head in despair.  Why did he always have to confront his father head on?  With a bit of persuasion she had hoped that she might talk Ben into taking him anyway; that had been the original plan after all.  Those hopes were certainly fading fast now.  Ben was furious.

“How dare you answer back!  You get your chores done then you spend the evening in your room, forget supper you won’t be having any.  I don’t want to share the table with you tonight,” Ben said angrily.

Adam held his father’s eyes for a moment in pure defiance then stormed out and slammed the door behind him.

Ben sighed and lowered himself into his chair. “I don’t know what gets into him at times.  You’d think I did this deliberately to thwart his plans.”

Marie pushed herself to her feet. “He’s very disappointed.  He’s been looking forward to this trip ever since you first suggested it.”

“Oh, and I suppose Hoss and Joe aren’t disappointed, too,” Ben said sarcastically.

“Hoss knows he is too sick to go and Joe is a baby… he’ll forget about it very quickly,”  she said gathering Joe into her arms. “We’ll go into town when Hoss is better and get some candy, won’t we, Joe?”

Joe nodded vigorously. He was a little upset that they wouldn’t be seeing ships but Jake had promised to let him ride a new pony that had been captured and Mama had promised lots of other treats if he was good.  He really didn’t know what a city was like so he wasn’t sure what he was missing.

Ben stood up and took her chin in his hand. “And what about you…aren’t you disappointed?”

Marie smiled. “I’m a grown-up, remember?  There’ll be other trips, and the way I feel at the moment I’m not sure I’d enjoy the journey very much.”

Ben looked at her intently.  “You are alright, aren’t you?”

“I’m fine, but jolting around in a buckboard isn’t likely to make me feel any better in the mornings,” she grinned.  “Ben…” she said in a soft voice, “you could still take him with you.  He’s old enough to look after himself while you meet with Brogan and you did say you wanted some time alone with him.  It might be exactly what he needs right now.”

“After that little exhibition, you want me to reward him for his insolence?” Ben was incredulous.

“You could look at it as an opportunity to talk to him about his behaviour,” she tried.

Ben shook his head. “You never cease to amaze me.  Whatever he does you stand up for him.  I’ll not condone that sort of attitude.”

 

“But he – “ she tried again.

“No, and that’s an end to it.  He’d be a nuisance on a business trip and I’ll make it back quicker on my own.” Ben insisted obstinately.

Marie sighed. Why were they both so stubborn? She headed for the kitchen determined that she wouldn’t give up yet… she could be stubborn, too.

 

Marie said nothing more the next day but she did try to encourage Adam out of his black mood.  In the middle of the afternoon she came across her stepson leaning on the corral fence watching Sport.  His face was still set in a scowl and it was almost comical.                      “Why don’t you go and talk to Hoss?  He’s a bit lonely and he can’t get out of bed until his temperature gets back to normal,” she suggested.

Adam shrugged. “Might as well, there’s nothing else to do.” He kicked at the dirt in temper.

“Adam, look at me,” Marie said gently.

He lifted his head and she saw the pained expression that was obviously the forerunner of some caustic comment.

“You are not going to win your father over with this behaviour, so why not try to be pleasant and…”

“Grown-up about it. Is that what you were going to say?” he snarled. “Well, as Pa keeps telling me, I’m not grown-up, I’m just a kid!”

Marie nodded wisely. “You’re right, you are a kid. Otherwise you would be trying your hardest to persuade your father to take you with him, instead of throwing a tantrum. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, you know.”

Adam looked at her intently.  “What do you mean?”

“I mean that if you would co-operate I could try to talk him into taking you, but while you keep up this battle I have no chance.  Every time you glare or sulk or throw a tantrum it justifies his stand,” she explained.

“He wouldn’t take me on my own, would he?” Adam’s face showed his scepticism.

“I don’t know, but it’s worth a try, isn’t it?” She put an arm around his shoulders.   “We’ve still got about thirty-six hours to give it a go. Come on, if we work together we could be a formidable team,” she grinned.

 

Ben sighed and leaned back in his chair, a cup of coffee at his elbow and his pipe in his hand.  The boys were in bed and all was quiet; he was looking forward to a couple of hours alone with Marie before his trip in the morning.

“Shall I pour you a brandy?” she asked, holding out the decanter.

“Only if you join me and come and sit with me and stop fussing,” he said softly.

Marie poured two glasses and handed him one. She curled up at his feet and sipped her brandy slowly.

“Okay, out with it,” Ben said with a smile.

“With what?”

“You’re about to ask me to change my mind about taking Adam with me.”

Marie hid her own smile. “What makes you say that?”

“Don’t play games, sweetheart. He’s changed overnight from a sullen, bad-tempered boy   into a paragon of virtue.  He’s been walking around as though butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth all day, and you have been my devoted slave. I can see through you. You both want something.”

Marie could tell by his tone that he wasn’t angry, merely amused at their attempts to change his mind.  “Well, will you?”

“If I say no, I suppose we’ll spend the next twelve hours arguing the point.”

Marie rested her head on his knee. “Something like that, yes.”

“Why do you always find something to fight about when I’m going away?  And why do we always end up spending romantic evenings alone talking about our eldest son?  If I didn’t know better I’d say it was pre-meditated blackmail.” He took a sip of his brandy and began to stroke her hair.

“We could still have the romantic evening if you’d say yes,” she said slyly.

“That is blackmail,” he said firmly, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, isn’t it?  I think maybe I ought to go and sit with Hoss, he’s still restless.” She got to her feet but Ben caught her arm and pulled her on to his knee and kissed her.

“Alright, you witch. You win.  I’ll take him with me… and if we spend the whole time yelling at each other it will be your fault.”

Marie smiled. “I’ll get his things packed.”

“You will not, he can pack his own things in the morning.  I intend to collect on the deal you just made.” He pulled her close and they shared a long, lingering kiss.

“Let’s go to bed and make that romantic evening a romantic night,” she said softly pulling him to his feet and gathering up the brandy.

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 33

 

 

They had been riding for hours and Adam was tired but he had no intention of mentioning it.  Since he had been awakened early this morning by Marie with the news that he was going on the trip after all, he had taken great trouble to be as invisible as possible.  He grinned to himself as he thought of his reaction to the news.  He had thrown his arms around his stepmother and kissed her, then realised what he had done and blushed in embarrassment.

At breakfast his father had grudgingly acknowledged his presence on the trip and given him a long lecture on how to behave.  He had suffered through it in silence, not wishing to do anything to jeopardise the trip now.  Marie had seen him off with a smile and a wink and he had been hard put not to grin at her.

The first part of the trip was familiar.  He had been to Truckee Station with his father many times in the eight years since they had arrived at Washoe.  He enjoyed the ride under the peaks of Slide Mountain and Mount Rose and then through the high country until they joined the main trail at Martis Peak.  The going had been easier here and they had stopped for a while to rest the horses and to eat the lunch Marie had prepared for them.  They hadn’t talked much; it was as if they both needed time to cool off before getting into any deep conversation.  It was dusk by the time they made the Trading Post and Adam was relieved to climb from the saddle and stretch properly.  He took care of the horses and the pack mule while his father went to visit with the Dupuis brothers who ran the store.

There was no need to cook tonight.  The trading post provided meals for weary travellers and Ben decided that he’d rather pay than experience his own cooking.  In addition to the two Frenchmen who ran the store, there was a trapper who had called in for supplies and three men with a wagon who were heading for the gold fields from Missouri.  After they had eaten, Adam found a seat in a corner where he could watch and listen. He knew that these men would not include him in their conversation.  Here he was quite definitely a child.  His best option was to keep quiet and learn.

“You know the goldfields, Mr Cartwright?” one of the emigrants asked.

“Not too well. Gold isn’t what I came out here for. I prefer a steady income to a chance find. I’ve been there a few times of course, before and after they found gold. The place sure has changed in the last two years.” Ben took the whisky the man offered him and sipped it experimentally.  It was as bad as he had expected, but it wouldn’t do to reject it.

 

“It ‘as made a good living for us, my friend,” the older of the Dupuis brothers remarked.  “Many travellers stop here and we trade.” His brother nodded in agreement.

Ben smiled. “Your prices have risen in line with your success, Pierre.”

Pierre Dupuis took no offence.  “It is supply and demand. In the goldfields, eggs are selling for four dollars a dozen and fresh vegetables are a luxury. You’d do well to stock up here.”

Adam began to doze as they discussed the price of goods in California and the difficulties of bringing anything from back east.  He was almost asleep when he heard one of the men speaking about slavery and his ears pricked up.

“We got outta Missouri afore it comes to war,” the man was saying.

Pierre Dupuis nodded. “We are lucky that we have no problems here,” he said quietly.  “I have lived in the delta country, it is not good.”

One of the emigrants shifted uneasily in his chair. “You ain’t heard the latest news then?”

“News, what news?” Ben asked. “We get newspapers months late if at all, our news comes from folks like you.”

“Utah’s got territorial status,” the man said quietly, aware of the effect of his words.

“What happened to the statehood proposal?” Paul Dupuis asked with a puzzled frown.

“Thrown out. The government’s scared of a Mormon take over of the area. Utah’s boundaries are a lot less than the proposed state and the Federal government keeps control, they are sending more soldiers out to new forts.  Papers say it’s to protect the settlers from the Indians, but it ain’t so.  It’s to protect government interests.”

The trapper, who had been silent up to now, spoke slowly. “And the slavery issue?  Is this new territory slave or free?”

Adam sat spellbound by the conversation, taking in every word and analysing it.  He looked across at his father but Ben seemed unaware of his presence;  he was also weighing up the words from the emigrants.  More soldiers… so that was why Brogan was so keen to sign contracts for timber, horses and cattle.  He was tasked with building forts and keeping them supplied, maybe even preparing for a war.

“It’s being left to popular sovereignty, for the moment at any rate,” the man replied.

Ben sighed. “Thank God, then it will stay free.”

Pierre Dupuis drank his whisky in one gulp and shook his head. “For now it will, but the south will fight back.  It has to or it will lose credibility.  This is only a beginning not an end. These compromises only serve to delay the inevitable.”

The talk continued but began to shift to general complaints about the government and Adam found it difficult to stay awake; his eyelids drooped and he slept.

 

 

When he awoke next morning he was in a narrow bed at the back of the storeroom and his father was asleep on the floor beside him. He didn’t remember being put to bed.  He supposed his father must have carried him in here and for a moment he regretted falling asleep so early.  How was he ever going to convince his father he was grown-up if he fell asleep and had to be put to bed like Little Joe?  He got up quietly and crept out into the early morning, there was a chilly mist over the mountains and the sun was having a hard job breaking through it.  He shivered a little and wished he had brought his coat.

He let his eyes wander up toward Donner Pass, their target for today, and recalled the stories his father had told him.  In winter the pass could be blocked by forty feet of snow.  He tried hard to imagine what that much snow looked like but he couldn’t.  He thought of the families that had perished there four years ago, children like himself as well as adults.  His father had taught him to respect the mountains and never to take chances with the weather and in his short lifetime he had seen what the Sierra storms could do to humans and livestock.

“It’s a long climb,” Ben said conversationally as he came and stood behind his son.

“Will we make it over the pass today, Pa?”

“Over it and well down the other side, I hope.” He put his arm around Adam’s shoulders and gave his son a smile.  “That is if we get a move on and have breakfast.  I’d like to make camp on the Rubicon tonight, then we might make Sacramento tomorrow if the weather holds.”

“Are we gonna stay in Sacramento?” Adam asked. He knew it was the centre for the miners from the goldfields and he wanted a chance to explore.

“Only long enough to get passage on the ferry down to San Francisco, not more than a night, I hope.”  He grinned at his son, guessing what was going through his mind. “You’ll have time to explore, but if it’s gold mining you’re planning it will have to wait.  The gold for us is in that contract.”  He opened the door to the trading post and Adam followed him to breakfast.

 

Adam stood on the banks of the river and watched the activity all around him.  Small boats of all descriptions were moored to the banks.  The biggest had three masts and was being unloaded, the boxes stacked on the quayside at Adam’s feet;  the smallest were the rowing boats coming down river from the diggings.  He had never seen so many people: men in rough clothes who tomorrow might be millionaires and men and women in smarter outfits waiting to relieve the prospectors of their gold for various services.  His father had gone to book passage on the ferry downriver and it was taking a time, the queue stretched for over half a mile and Adam couldn’t see how they would ever get to San Francisco.  He turned at a tap on his shoulder to find that his father had returned.

“I got tickets but it’s not until tomorrow, so we had better go and check on the horses and find ourselves a bed for the night, if there is such a thing to be had in this madness.”

“Where do they all come from, Pa? I’ve never seen so many people,” Adam asked with awe in his voice.

“Yes, son, it makes Johntown seem pretty tame. The ferry clerk told me there are more than twelve thousand people here and another twenty-five thousand down in San Francisco.  Don’t know how true that is, but it seems likely,” Ben replied.

“I’m glad I don’t live here, but it’s fun to visit.  Can I go and explore?” Adam asked.

Ben shook his head.  “Not on your own. We’ll find a room then we can both take a look around.”

 

Adam was about to protest that he was old enough to go alone but one look at his father’s expression made him nod and follow up the street toward a sign saying ‘Rooms to Rent.’

On the eleventh rooming house they struck lucky and found a bed for the night.  The price made Ben wince but there was no way he was going to camp out in this town, he had already seen evidence of the violence on the streets.  He had hurriedly pulled Adam away from a fight and had seen several more developing.  He intended that his son would be safe inside before it got dark.  They ate a very expensive and very poorly cooked meal and then retired to the room.  Ben viewed it with some distaste.  It was sparsely furnished and the one bed looked none to clean but it would have to do.  He was taken back to the time before he met Inger when he and Adam had stayed in some pretty poor lodgings.  He glanced across at his son.

“Not much like home, is it?” he smiled.

Adam had been staring out of the window and he turned around and grinned. “Good job Marie isn’t here, she’d have us cleaning it.”

Ben laughed. “That’d be after she had thrown the landlady out in the street for daring to charge us for it.”

“I wonder what they are doing at home,” Adam said a little wistfully.

“Don’t tell me you’re homesick after all the trouble it took to get you here.  Marie would be very disappointed in you; she worked hard to persuade me to bring you.”

Adam was worried for a second until he saw the smile lifting the corners of his father’s eyes. “Not homesick exactly, I just wish they were here, too.”

“Well, I’ll go along with you as far as Marie and Hoss are concerned but I’m not sure I could cope with keeping an eye on Little Joe in a place like this.  He’d be sure to get lost.”

Adam could see that his father was half joking, he knew that they both missed the antics of the smallest member of the family, especially at bedtime.

“Yeah, he sure wouldn’t want to go to bed with all this activity.” Adam pointed to the hustle and bustle still going on in the street even though it was past nine o’clock.  “It would be the biggest tantrum ever,” he laughed. “I’m not sure I’m gonna be able to sleep, either.”

“If you’re sharing my bed you’d better sleep like a log. There isn’t room in there for either of us to turn over,  and don’t snore.” Ben indicated the narrow bed which the landlady had assured them was fine for two.

Adam grinned. “I don’t snore.  That’s Hoss.”  He tossed his clothes on to the chair by the window and climbed into bed. “I hope there’s enough room for you,” he giggled, pointing at the small space left.

Ben raised his eyebrows. “Any impudence from you, young man, and you’ll sleep on the floor.”

 

Adam just grinned and rolled over onto his side.  He was asleep almost before Ben extinguished the light and he slept soundly despite the strange sounds around him.  Ben lay awake for a long time, envying his son the innocence of youth that allowed him to fall asleep without worries.  In three days he would meet with Brogan again and if all went well he would sign another contract, another obligation, another gamble with his family’s future.  If the cattle weren’t delivered on time then he would lose everything, including the new contract.  It was like a house of cards and the cattle were the foundation, without them the other cards would fall and the frail structure on which the fortunes of Cartwright family and the Ponderosa depended would be blown away.  Nothing must go wrong.

 

The boat trip was all Adam had expected.  He disappeared for a large portion of the journey and when Ben went looking for him he found him watching the pistons of the engine and asking endless questions of the poor man trying to supervise the engine room crew.  It took a good deal of persuasion to get him back on to the deck for their arrival in San Francisco.

The city had changed since Ben’s last visit and expanded, the boat docking in a different area to the one he knew.  Once they had disembarked, it took him a while to get his bearings and head for Portsmouth Square, where on previous visits he had always found reasonably priced lodgings.  The place Ben was heading for was only a little over half a block from the jetty and he hoped that the boarding house he had stayed at before would have rooms.

“This is where the flag was first flown in California,” Ben said pointing to the south east corner of the square. He smiled at Adam who was gazing around like someone in a dream. “You might as well learn some history while you’re here.  The jetty where we came ashore is roughly the place where the Portsmouth docked in ’46.  Tomorrow if we have time I’ll take you to the Mission Dolores and…”

“Can we go back to the wharf and see the ships?  We didn’t really get time to take a good look,” Adam interrupted, not much interested in missions.

Ben smiled. “Alright, but no wandering off on your own and certainly not around the wharf.”

They moved out of the square and Ben found the house he had been seeking.  He had stayed here twice before and found it cheap and clean.  Not so this time.  His first inkling of trouble was when the man who opened the door to him wiped his hands on a grubby apron and snarled at him.

“Whaddya want?”

“Do you have a room for three or four nights.” Ben asked pleasantly, hoping this wasn’t the new owner.

“Yeah, we got a room. Twenty dollars a night without meals or thirty-five dollars with,” the man spat out at him as he moved the chewing tobacco to his other cheek.

Adam watched is fascination as the man spit a stream of tobacco juice across the street.   Surely Pa wasn”t going to stay here.

“Room’s got a bed and mattress.  It’s better ‘an some and the best you’ll get unless you wanna pay a few hundred dollars,” the man continued.

Ben rubbed his nose thoughtfully.  Obviously gold fever had changed things and Pierre Dupuis had been right in his estimation of prices.

“Yes, we’ll take it.  For one night only.”

 

Adam wrinkled his nose in distaste as they followed the man through a dirty passageway to a small room at the back of the establishment.  They were shown a tiny room with scarcely space for the double bed it contained.  There was a china washbasin and jug on a chair and a rickety chest of drawers against a dusty window.  When the man had gone, Ben pulled back the thin blankets with two fingers and grimaced at the state of the mattress.

“I’ve a feeling we aren’t the only occupants of this room, but it will have to do for tonight.  I’ll meet Brogan tomorrow and we can be on our way home by the evening.”

“But, Pa! I want to see the city,” Adam almost whined.

“At these prices, I’ve already seen all I want to see.  No, I’ll see Brogan and deliver that letter for Hop Sing to his relatives and then we’ll go,” Ben said firmly.

Adam knew it would do no good to argue and he certainly didn’t want to sleep in this room for more than a night.

“Can we go out and look around for a while?” Adam asked hopefully.

“I think that’s a good idea, we need to find somewhere to eat and I don’t want to spend anymore time in this room than I can help.” Ben opened the window a little to let in some air.  “Maybe it will smell sweeter when we get back.”

Ben was surprised at the changes to the area. The population around the square seemed to be mainly Chinese or the poorest miners and new buildings had sprung up everywhere.

“What’s that place, Pa?” Adam asked pointing at a tented roof over a wooden structure.  The sign read El Dorado.

Ben grabbed his son’s arm and pulled him in the other direction. “A saloon and gambling hall,” he said with a disapproving frown.

Adam would have liked a better look.  It was certainly bigger and more lively than the saloon in Johntown.  He had at least been able to get a quick look in there on occasions when he happened to be walking past on his way from school.

To their left the land sloped steeply upward and Adam could see that quite substantial houses were being built in this area.  His father had turned to his right and was heading back toward the wharf and Adam hurried to catch up with him.  They walked along the street for a while, dodging the traffic which was as thick now as it had been when they came ashore, then they had to negotiate some planks and found themselves on rickety wooden structures leading down to the cove where the ships were moored.

“Here are your ships,” Ben waved his hand at the forest of masts before them. “A lot of them have been abandoned, their crews have deserted for the goldfields.  I’ll bet a lot of Boston shipowners regret sending their cargoes to California.  There must be thousands of dollars lying in this cove.”

Adam leaned on a mooring bollard and drank in the atmosphere of the wharf.  Despite the large number of idle ships there were still enough being unloaded or loaded to make it interesting.  For a while Ben answered his questions and explained the scene before them, then he suggested they find somewhere to eat before darkness fell.  The restaurant near the wharf was little more than a tent but it served good food and its prices were a little lower than average.  Ben could tell that his son was enthralled by all that he was seeing and he felt a word of warning was called for to try to forestall any trouble.

“It’s a rough area around here, in fact the whole city is pretty wild.  I don’t want you wandering off on your own, is that understood?” he said firmly.

Adam looked up from his plate. “What am I gonna do while you have your meeting, then?  I was gonna go for a walk and explore.”

“You will come with me. You’ve met Colonel Brogan before, and you can sit in his office while we talk,” Ben replied in a no nonsense voice.

“But Pa, if we go home tomorrow, I won’t have seen anything and you promised…!”  Adam protested.

Ben drew in a deep breath and he frowned at his son. “I made no promises. As I recall, I was persuaded into letting you accompany me against my better judgement.  It would appear that my original decision was right, I should have left you at home.”

“It’s not fair. We’ve come all this way and we aren’t even gonna look at the city,”  Adam muttered, his handsome face set in a black scowl.

“Adam, I have business to deal with and a letter to deliver for Hop Sing and that is why we are here. I cannot afford the time or the money to turn this into a holiday,” Ben snapped.

“Bet you would have done if Marie had come,” Adam said sullenly.

Ben got to his feet and hauled Adam up after him.  “That’s quite enough.” He held his son by the arm and glared at him. “We’re going back to the boarding house and you are going to bed.”

 

Hours later, Ben sat by the open window and stared out into the narrow alley.  Adam hadn’t spoken again after they left the restaurant but the set of his shoulders and the scowl on his face had been more than eloquent.  So much for Marie thinking the trip would help their relationship.

Ben knew that his worries made him short-tempered, and tonight, one look in his wallet had told him that he had every reason to worry.  Maybe after his visit to Brogan he would feel better and they could spend an hour or so doing what Adam wanted and explore the city before they started the trek home.  Then he remembered he had yet to book passage on a ferry and it would probably be harder to get on the return journey.  Damn! They would have to spend another night in the city.  Well, it wouldn’t be here, that was for sure.  As he sat in the darkness he could hear the scurrying of rats outside the window and occasionally inside, too.  He gave in to his weariness and sank on to the mattress beside Adam without removing his clothes; they would probably be ridden with fleas and lice by the morning, anyway.

 

Adam’s temper hadn’t improved by morning.  He had been bitten by fleas and heaven alone knew what else, making him itchy and irritable.  He muttered a grudging, “Mornin,” in answer to his father and had gratefully followed him out into the street.

 

“First stop, Na Shan to deliver Hop Sing’s letter then we can have breakfast and walk up to Colonel Brogan’s office.  It’s quite a walk, so you’ll get to see a lot of the city,” Ben said cheerfully, trying to jolly Adam out of his black mood. His own was not much better, but he was determined that he would make an effort today for Adam’s sake.

Adam grunted in reply but Ben ignored his mood and continued to talk as they walked toward the address Hop Sing had given them.  Adam relaxed a little as they made their way south into the narrow alleys where the Chinese lived.  He wanted to ask about the strange houses and the symbols painted on them, but he was too stubborn to even meet his father halfway.  Ben stopped at a doorway set into a wooden facade and checked the number and the location on Hop Sing’s map.  He knocked firmly and waited.  The door was opened by a very old Chinese man who bowed to them.

Ben returned the bow.  “Na Shan?” he asked.

The man turned and called in Chinese to someone in another room.

“Mr. Cahtlight!  It is good to see you.  My cousin is well?” The younger Chinese man spoke in very clear English, much to Adam’s relief; he had half expected the conversation to be broken and muddled.

“Yes, he is well Na Shan. He sends you his greetings and this letter.” Ben handed the envelope to Na Shan and made to move away.

“No, you must come and sit, eat with us. Boss of cousin much welcome,” Na Shan insisted moving aside to allow them to enter the dark room.

Ben hesitated for only a moment; it would be easier to eat with Na Shan and perhaps he could take messages back to Hop Sing.  He knew his cook missed his family.

“Thank you, Na Shan.  We would be honoured to eat with you,” he said politely.

Adam followed his father and Na Shan through the house to a tiny courtyard with a carved table and benches. No sooner had they seated themselves than Na Shan provided tea and a plate of delicate Chinese pastries. Adam concentrated on the food and the strange green tea but listened with one ear to the conversation.

Na Shan asked after Hop Sing and gave Ben news of other relatives in San Francisco for him to take back to the cook.  He was horrified at Ben’s description of their previous night’s lodging and insisted that they should return to him this evening and spend the night.  Ben was only too grateful to accept; it would solve a problem that had been worrying him.  The Chinese quarter might not be anymore salubrious than the embarcadero but at least this house was clean and he could repay Na Shan with a gift that would be a lot cheaper than the rent of a room.  They finally took their leave, promising to return before nightfall.

“We’ll have time to take a look around now, won’t we Pa?” Adam asked eagerly, forgetting his black mood and his intention to avoid conversation with his father in his excitement.

“Yes, we’ll have a bit of time,” Ben grinned, pleased that his son was thawing a little.

“Where’s Colonel Brogan’s office?” Adam asked as fell into step alongside his father.

“It’s at Fort Point.  It used to be the Castillo de San Joaquin but they have renamed it and are planning a new fort there, I believe.  It’s quite a walk and will take most of the morning to get there and back.  Will that be enough exploring for you?” he smiled and stopped at a junction of two streets.  “We can either continue up here and over the hill or we can turn right and walk along by the sea shore, which ever you prefer,” he offered, already knowing which choice Adam would make.

“Oh, by the shore, Pa, please!”

“It’s a bit further but I think you’ll enjoy it,” Ben laughed. “No running off to sea,” he said resting a hand on his son’s shoulder.

Adam smiled up at him and allowed the hand to stay as they walked down to the shore.  Soon, however, he was ahead of his father, poking into everything and when challenged by anyone, asking endless questions.  Ben watched him and was surprised at his confidence and enthusiasm; this was a very different boy from the sullen companion of a few hours ago.

At the Fort, Ben asked for Colonel Brogan and they were shown into a small waiting room by a young corporal.

“You can wait here will I have my meeting and then we can walk back through the city,” Ben told Adam.

Adam frowned. “Couldn’t I wait outside?  It’s so hot in here and it’s much cooler up on the hill.”

“Well… I don’t know.  I don’t want you wandering off anywhere.” Ben rubbed his chin as if considering the proposal. “Promise you will stay within sight of the entrance?”

Adam nodded. “I promise, Pa.  I’ll be right outside.” He didn’t wait for his father to change his mind and Ben smiled as he watched him race off.

 

 

 

CHAPTER 34

 

 

“You do understand that this timber contract is still provisional.  I can’t confirm it until you deliver those cattle on time,” Brogan emphasised.

“Yes, I understand that.  The cattle will be delivered and on time,” Ben replied.

“The advance of five hundred dollars will be repayable if the contract is forfeited for any reason.” Brogan felt the need to impress this on Ben.  He had made enquiries and knew the financial standing of the rancher.  He knew that there was a tremendous risk in this deal for Ben Cartwright.  If the advance was spent on logging equipment, as it would have to be to fulfill the fall contract for timber, and the cattle did not arrive then Cartwright would have to repay the five hundred dollars.  Brogan knew that in his current situation Ben couldn’t do it and would almost certainly lose his land and go to jail; it was one hell of a gamble.  Ben knew it, too, and as he put his signature to the agreement he was aware that these next two months would be the most nerve-wracking of his life.

Colonel Brogan got to his feet and held out his hand. “I look forward to doing business with you in the future.”

Ben took his outstretched hand. “I’m sure it will be profitable for us both, Colonel,” he said, hiding his nervousness with a firm handshake.

Emerging into the bright sunlight Ben was relieved to see that Adam had kept his promise and was seated on the grass looking out over the bay.

“All done,” Ben said brightly as he dropped to the ground beside his son. “If you’re ready we’ll walk back to Na Shan’s and get our ferry tickets and something to eat on the way.”

Adam had looked up at his father’s approach and nodded. “It’s lovely here.  You can see all the ships coming in to the wharf.” He reluctantly got to his feet and followed his father back toward the city.

This time they walked a more inland route and Ben pointed out some of the shops and businesses that had sprung up since his last visit.  He allowed Adam to wander into one or two of the larger stores and they bought some candy to take back for Hoss and Joe.  They ate at a small restaurant that appeared to be frequented by sailors rather than prospectors and the prices were a little nearer to what Ben had expected to pay. By mid-afternoon they were almost back to the wharf area and Adam went to turn left into a narrow street.

“Not that way, son,” Ben said continuing on down the street.

Adam stopped and frowned. “But the Ferry office must be a couple of blocks over from here, it must be quicker this way.”

Ben shook his head. “We’ll go down the next street.  It’s not much further.”

Adam was about to argue when, from a doorway, two men fell into the street fighting.  Ben pulled his son away quickly but not before Adam had seen what they were presumably fighting over; a woman followed them into the street, she was scantily dressed and had blonde hair loose around her bare shoulders.

“It’s an area to stay away from,” Ben tried to explain. “It’s becoming known as the Barbary Coast and the bars are notorious for fights. With the ships so shorthanded the captains come ashore with gangs and kidnap anyone who is the worse for drink or weaker than they are to serve aboard the ships on their next voyage.  Many men have gone for a drink in an area such as that and found themselves on a ship bound for China.  Every seaport has such areas but they are best avoided.”

Adam thought back to a conversation he had had with Marie. “You mean like the Flats in New Orleans? Marie told me…”

“What did Marie tell you?” Ben snapped at him.

Adam was surprised at his father’s change of manner and he hesitated a second. “Nothing much, just that the Flats were a rough area of New Orleans where the sailors went to drink,” he said slowly, watching his father’s face for some sign to tell him why his father was suddenly so angry.

Ben realised that he had over-reacted before knowing what Adam had been told and tried to take the sting from his words by speaking calmly. “Yes, like the Flats.  Most of the people in those bars will be drunk all day and fights break out all the time, it can be very dangerous.” He hoped he had said enough to emphasise that Adam should stay away from the area and had discouraged any further questions.

The queue for ferry tickets was as long as Ben had expected and he joined it with a resigned sigh.

“You might as well go and sit over by the sea wall, it’s going to take at least an hour,” he told Adam.  “But don’t move from there,” he said sternly.

Adam nodded. “Okay, Pa.  I’ll watch the ships.” He wandered over to the wall and swung his legs over to make himself comfortable for the wait.  He sat for more than half an hour and when he glanced up again Pa had hardly moved.  It was going to be longer than an hour that was for sure and he was bored.  The city was so close and yet he still hadn’t seen much of it, surely it wouldn’t hurt to explore a few streets?  He bit his lip and weighed up the consequences of disobeying his father’s instructions; they wouldn’t be good that was for sure.  If he got back here within an hour Pa would still be in the queue of that he was certain, and he might not even notice he had gone, it was difficult for Pa to see him from where he was standing anyway.  He slipped down from the wall and casually wandered a few feet until he was sure he was out of his father’s sight then he waited to see if there was any reaction.  After ten minutes Pa had not moved and he felt safe to wander a little further.

He went into one of the ship’s chandlers and took a good look at the strange things for sale.  He recognised a sextant, his father had one in a polished oak box and when he was small he had been allowed to hold it; more recently Pa had shown him how to take sights with it and determine your position.  He enjoyed the mathematics required to work out the angles of the stars and the relative positions on the earth’s surface.   He poked among the merchandise and then nodded to the proprietor as he left.  Further along the street the stores ceased and the sounds of an out of tune piano came to him.  He grinned, fancy bringing a piano all the way out here to this rough neighbourhood.  He stood outside the bar wondering if he dare look inside.  He had peeked into the saloon in Johntown and hadn’t seen anything particularly dreadful.  He wondered what whisky tasted like and half wished he’d tried the brandy when he had taken it to school.

“Hey sonny, ain’t you a bit young for saloons?” a female voice at his elbow startled him.

He turned around to face a young woman in a black dress.  He recalled what Inger had said about saloon girls and this one sure fitted the description, from the low neckline to the painted face.  She was smiling at him but the smile did not reach her eyes.

“Y…Yes… Ma’am,” he stuttered.  “I was just looking for my Pa.” he lied.

The woman laughed. “If he’s in there, he’s too drunk to know who you are, kid.  Why don’t you come with me? I got a friend that’d be glad to meet you.”

Adam backed away, something about her manner was sinister and forbidding even as she tried to cajole him into following her.

“Leave the kid alone, Mamie.  He’s too young to fetch much from the Cap’n and I doubt he has enough money to pay your prices.”

Adam saw another older woman leaning on the doorpost.  She, too, was heavily rouged with bright red hair and her lips were a colour Adam had never seen before on anyone.  The younger woman shrugged dismissively.

“You always gotta spoil the fun, ain’t you?” she grumbled as she went inside.

The older woman watched her go then turned back to Adam. “You get along home, son.  This is no place for kids.”

Adam had recovered enough to bridle at the suggestion that he was a kid. “I can take care of myself,” he said stubbornly.

The woman sniffed. “Suit yourself,  but if you make it to the end of the street without being taken for ship’s crew or worse then this place ain’t living up to its reputation.” She disappeared inside, leaving Adam to make up his own mind.

He had almost decided that she was right and he had better get back to the ferry office before his father missed him when he spotted two men arguing a little further down the street.  He began to walk toward the wharf again consciously crossing the street to avoid the confrontation.  As he drew closer a crowd began to gather and the noise increased.  He could not push his way through the crowd and was forced to stand on its fringe, hearing but not seeing the vicious fight that was going on in the centre of the street.  He looked for a way out but there was none.  To his left was the rest of the street the woman had told him to avoid, and the only other way out was to go into the doorway behind him.  The place looked clean enough and it wasn’t a bar, or at least he didn’t think it was. The door was slightly ajar and he could see into the hallway, the plush furnishings didn’t fit with the surrounding buildings at all.  He decided that if the fight got dangerous, he would retreat inside and explain to the owner.

 

Less than a block away Ben had purchased his ferry tickets for the morning boat and was looking around for his son.  He walked to the sea wall and looked along its length.  As far as he could see in either direction there was no sign of a fourteen-year-old boy.  He cursed under his breath.  ‘Damn it! Why couldn’t Adam do as he was told?’  He glanced around, at first casually expecting to see his son lounging against one of the bollards or perhaps on the beach below the sea wall, then he searched more intensely, looking at every face and every likely spot, nothing. He walked across to the chandler’s shop on the corner of Pacific Avenue; it was the sort of place that would attract the youngster.  Ben pushed open the door and the bell above it rang.  There were several customers but there was no sign of a boy.

“Excuse me.  Have you seen a youngster…  he’s fourteen, slim with black hair?” Ben asked.  He was beginning to grow anxious and his voice was agitated.

The owner nodded. “Yeah, came in here about half an hour ago.” The man grinned.  “He yours, or you after him for something else?”

“Oh, he’s mine,” Ben replied angrily. “Thank you.”

Ben stood outside the store for a moment wondering which way Adam had gone.  He wasn’t on the wharf and the only other choices were down the hill toward Na Shan’s house or into Pacific Avenue.  There was no reason for him to go to Na Shan’s ahead of his father so it had to be the avenue; the street full of bars and brothels which Ben had avoided earlier.  ‘When I get hold of him I’m going to kill him,’  he said out loud;  the twin emotions of fear and anger were gripping him in equal measure.  With half an hour gone by, Adam could have been kidnapped and be awaiting a buyer from the ships’ captains, or worse in a back room of one of the brothels to provide whatever entertainment or pleasure the customer wanted.

He walked a few yards and then saw and heard the crowd around the fight.  He pushed his way through the men until he was near the front.  Two sailors were cutting each other up with knives, blood was flowing freely and it wouldn’t be long before one of them was dead;   judging by the state of them it could be both.  He scanned the crowd which was growing restless and minor skirmishes were breaking out within the watching groups.  It wouldn’t be long before more blood was being spilt. He pushed his way to the other side of the crowd and searched the faces again.  Still no sign of Adam, until he looked across the street.  There he was, standing under a sign declaring Alice’s Parlour with its red light glowing.  Next to him with her hand possessively on his shoulder was a dark-haired woman, probably Alice, Ben thought.  He gave a sigh of relief, at least he looked unharmed.

Adam spotted his father almost at the same moment and at first his feeling was one of relief.  He had begun to wonder how he was going to get past this crowd.  When he saw the fury in his father’s expression his feeling changed to a sinking sensation in his stomach.  Deliberate disobedience was not something Pa ever treated lightly.

“Just what do you think you’re doing here?” Ben yelled. “You were supposed to wait for me on the wharf!”

Adam could think of no suitable reply. He could feel his face growing hot so he dropped his eyes to the street.

“You know the boy?” the woman asked in a surprisingly educated voice.

“He’s my son,” Ben snapped, looking her up and down with some distaste. “Do you usually solicit children?”

The woman allowed a small smile to lift the corners of her mouth. “Only when I don’t see their fathers first,” she grinned.  She then said more seriously, “Look, Mister, I didn’t entice him.  He was worried by the fight and the door was open.  He backed into it to avoid the violence.” She leaned back against the doorway and surveyed Ben critically in much the same way he had looked at her, with a wry smile on her face that made him feel uncomfortable.  “You don’t have to believe me, but when this little battle was over I planned to see him safely back to the wharf.  He’s a nice kid, you should keep him out of this place.”

Adam thought his father was going to explode he looked so angry.  The woman patted Adam’s shoulder.  “Bye, Adam,” she said stepping back into the house.

Ben grabbed his son’s arm and pulled him along the street and out onto the wharf.  He propelled him forward into an alley by the ferry office where they could talk without being a sideshow for passersby, then released him with a shake.  Adam rubbed his arm but kept his eyes firmly on his boots.

“Look at me!”  Ben thundered, causing Adam to lift his head to meet his father’s eyes for a second or two, before looking down again.

“I ought to take a strap to you right here and now.  When I tell you to stay put, I expect to be obeyed!” He took a deep breath and calmed himself.  When he spoke again his voice was quiet but no less angry. “Do you have any idea how dangerous that street is?” He then nodded himself, without giving Adam a chance to answer, “Of course you do. You not only saw for yourself, I got through telling you a little over an hour ago, or did you forget?”

“N… No sir, I thought…” Adam stuttered.

“You thought?” Ben raised his eyebrows and planted his hands firmly on his hips. “Oh no! That’s the one thing you didn’t do… think!  Do you have any idea what could have happened to you?”  He demanded through clenched teeth.  Then shook his head hoping that he wouldn’t have to explain some of the terrible pictures that had been filling his head in the past half hour.

“I’m sorry, Pa. I didn’t mean to worry you, I only wanted to explore,” Adam said softly.

“SORRY!” Ben exploded all at once. “I’ve heard that so many times before! When are you going to be responsible for your actions instead of sorry for them?”

Adam bit his lip and swallowed hard, there was nothing he could say.  When he had chosen to disobey his father, he thought he had weighed up all the odds but he had never expected him to be this angry.  After all, he thought, I was only a few yards from the wharf and I would have been back before he missed me if the fight hadn’t started.  Now he was away from the area he couldn’t see what all the fuss was about, it hadn’t been so bad.  Alice had been real nice to him, not at all like the bad saloon girls he had been told about.  Okay, so he should have stayed on the wharf… but he resented his father getting so angry about nothing.

Ben grabbed hold of his son’s arm again and pulled him along the street. “We are going back to Na Shan’s and you will not move out of my sight until we get home.  Is that understood?” He gave Adam a shake to reinforce his message.

“Yes, sir,” Adam muttered aloud, but under his breath he cursed the way his father was treating him as if he was Hoss’ age.

Ben glared at him not at all pleased with his son’s attitude.  So much for Marie’s bright ideas that this trip would bring them together!

 

It was almost dawn and Adam had woken early.  He lay back on the straw mattress which Na Shan had provided and stared at the gradually lightening sky.  The courtyard had provided a much better bedroom than the boarding house and the evening meal Na Shan had prepared was almost as good as Hop Sing’s cooking.

He glanced across at his father who was still sleeping soundly.  Pa sure had given him a lecture on obedience last night.  Out of earshot of Na Shan and his family he had reiterated all the points he had made on the wharf, going into some detail about why Adam should have stayed away from the saloons.  If truth be told, it had only served to make Adam more curious.  He knew Rick Bonner had lived in San Francisco for a while, maybe he could tell him more, he was older he’d know.  He shifted position on the mattress; it might be another hour before the household stirred and to Adam it was time wasted.  He wished he dared creep out into the street and take a look at the Chinese quarter, but even his most optimistic side knew that he would be courting disaster with Pa in his present mood.  He had better be on his best behaviour for the trip home if he wanted to make the ride in comfort.

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 35

 

 

Adam drew his knees up to his chin and stared out across the stream.  Rick and Ross were seated in much the same position, waiting for him to tell them about his visit to the city.  He had been back for just over a week and they were anxious to hear what he had thought of San Francisco.  Rick was supposed to be working but he had taken time off from fence mending to join his friends, hoping that Jake wouldn’t find out.

“C’mon,” Ross coaxed, “whaddya do?’

“Yeah, you said you stayed near the wharf, so tell us about the whisky and the women,”  Rick teased.

Adam gave a weak grin.  He wished he was as worldly-wise as Rick.  He felt sure that alongside Rick’s experience his adventures in the city were pretty tame.  He decided he’d have to exaggerate a little, not lie exactly… just embellish the story.  It never occurred to him that most of Rick’s stories were half-truths or downright lies, too.

He related the details of the journey, injecting as much interest as he dared, and described the fight he had heard as though he had been a front-line witness.  He was delighted to see the shocked expression on Ross’ face when he told them he had been inside a brothel and was pleased that he could at least describe the entrance hall in some detail, even Rick seemed impressed.  He could see that he had gone up in Rick’s estimation at least, although Ross was looking at him with a strange expression.  He found out why when they were riding home and Rick had gone back to his work.

“You made a lot of that story up, didn’t you?” Ross said quietly.

Adam tried to meet his friend’s eyes, but couldn’t. “No, of course not.”

“Yeah, you did. Your Pa would have killed you if all of that was true.” Ross kept his eyes firmly on Adam.

“’Okay, so I exaggerated a little but I did go there and there was a fight. I stood in the entrance to this house to avoid it and the door was open. This woman came out to see what the noise was about, so that bit was true, and Pa said it was a brothel.  And you’re right, he was pretty angry,” Adam admitted sheepishly.

Ross grinned. “I knew it. You’re no good at lying to me; your Pa, maybe, but not to me.”

Adam returned the grin. “I never lie to Pa!  Twist the truth a little, but not lie.”

 

Ross laughed. “Tell me another one. There’s tons of stuff you’ve done that he don’t know about.”

“Well, maybe.” Adam eyed his friend for a second. “How about we try to get a look into Dutch Pete’s?  I bet Rick could get us a drink.”

Ross sighed.  “You ever wanna do something that won’t get us in trouble?”

“I’ll think it through, we won’t get caught,” Adam replied.

“Huh! You specialise in getting caught these days.  When was the last time you did something and got away with it?” Ross asked.

“Okay, so I’ve had some bad luck.  But it’ll be alright this time.”

Ross pushed his horse into a canter and called back over his shoulder. “No thanks, count me out.  I’m going home where I can’t even hear your crazy scheme.”

Adam shrugged and rode home deep in thought.

 

School began its new year a couple of weeks later and Adam was relieved, he was getting bored with the vacation.  No opportunity to carry out his plan had arisen and although Rick had been quite willing to help out, Ross was still being stubborn.

The first day back was always fun. There were friends who hadn’t been seen since July with news to tell and be told.  There were old enemies to glare at and Adam began to plan some more pranks to play on Louise.

“Come along, children.”  Mr Lawson rapped his pointer on the desk. “Find your seats and we can get started.”

Adam slid onto the bench alongside Ross and look around the room, there were several new faces and he whistled softly.  To his left sat a girl of about his age with blonde curls and deep blue eyes.  She was new, alright, and real pretty.  He smiled across at her and she gave him a shy smile in return.  For the rest of the morning he couldn’t take his eyes off her.  Several times Mr Lawson had to call his attention back to the classroom.  At recess he joined Ross at the corral but he was watching to see where the girl had gone.

“Her name’s Caroline Watson and her pa is starting up a livery stable in town,” Ross said with a wide grin on his face.

“What?” Adam said, startled from his dreams.

“The new girl that you’ve been making eyes at all morning,” Ross replied still grinning.

“I have not!” Adam protested. “How do you know?”

“Know what?” said Ross, a little confused at the way the conversation was going.

“Her name, stupid,” Adam snapped at him.

“I asked her before school this morning when you were busy glaring at Louise.”

“You mean you just went up to her and asked?” Adam’s voice rose in disbelief.

“Sure, why not?” Ross shook his head. Adam looked so stunned at this simple statement.  “You want me to introduce you?”  Ross grinned.

“Uh!  No….I mean… Yes.” Adam stuttered.

 

“Well make up your mind,” Ross sighed.  “Hey Amy!” Ross called to another girl who was standing talking to the newcomer. “Why don’t you and Caroline come over and join Adam and me?”

Adam stood, open-mouthed at Ross’ audacity.

“Shut your mouth, you look like you’re catching flies,” Ross grinned. “While you’ve been off in the big city, I’ve been seeing Amy.  She’s sorta my girl.”

Adam closed his mouth with a snap and stared at Ross as if he was insane. “You’ve been what?”

“You gone deaf or something?  Do I have to repeat everything to you today?  Like I said…” He broke off as the girls approached. “Caroline, this is my best friend, Adam Cartwright.” Ross introduced them.

“Hello, Adam. It’s very nice to meet you,” Caroline said, and held out her hand.

Adam was still stunned; girls didn’t often offer to shake hands, especially girls his own age. “Oh… hi, Caroline.  Yeah…it’s nice to meet you, too,” he stuttered, his face going redder with every second.  He shook her hand but failed to let go.

Caroline smiled. “Uh… Could I have my hand back?” she asked softly.

Adam dropped it as if it was on fire and if it were possible blushed even more deeply.  Ross and Amy were almost doubled up with laughter and were trying desperately to hide it.

Amy took hold of Ross’ arm possessively. “You boys gonna walk us home tonight?”  she asked, laughing up at Ross.

“That okay with you Adam?  Your Pa won’t mind, will he?” Ross asked nudging his friend.

“Uh… what?  Yeah, sure it’s okay,” Adam stuttered again.

Ross shook his head and this time couldn’t keep the laughter at bay.  As they walked back into the schoolhouse Adam grabbed Ross by the arm.

“Why’d you make me look so stupid in front of her?” he asked.

“Oh, buddy!  You didn’t need any help,” Ross replied almost helpless with mirth, as he followed his friend back to the desk.

 

Marie sat back in her chair and sighed brushing a stray hair from her eyes. “I wish Joe would go to bed without a tantrum once in a while.”

Ben looked up from his account books with concern. “Are you alright?  You sound tired.” He was beginning to be really worried by her lethargy; he didn’t recall her being this tired and lacking in energy when she was expecting Little Joe.  They had moved house during her pregnancy and she had helped build walls and furniture.  This was completely different.  He tried to think back to Inger’s pregnancy; no, he couldn’t remember her being tired all the time and even Liz…  At this thought, his heart missed a beat.  But, then, Liz had been fine until the last couple of months; it wasn’t like this at all.

Marie smiled across at him. “I am a bit tired, but nothing that a good night’s sleep won’t put right.” She sat forward in her chair and cocked her head at Hoss. “You haven’t told me how school went today?” she said.

 

Hoss shrugged. “It was okay.  There’s a new boy that’s nice.  His name’s Edward but he said I could call him Eddie.”

Marie smiled encouragingly.  “Is he the same age as you?”

Hoss shook his head. “He’s older, almost twelve, but he’s smaller’n me,” he said with some pride.  He gave a sly grin at his brother who was reading in the chair opposite. “Adam likes his sister”’

Adam’s head snapped up. “I do not!  She’s just a friend of Amy’s, and Amy’s Ross’ girl.”

Marie looked from one to the other.  “Oh? When did all this happen?”

Adam buried his head back in his book.  “I dunno, while I was away, I guess.”

“What’s the new girl like?” Marie tried.

“I dunno, nothin’ special,” he said with what he hoped was sufficient lack of interest to forestall any further questions, his eyes firmly on his book.

Marie grinned at Hoss. Adam’s act was fooling nobody.

“So why d’you walk her home then?” Hoss shot at him.

“Why don’t you shut up!” Adam snapped.

“Adam! that wasn’t very nice,” Marie said a little sharply.

“Well, tell him to cut it out,” Adam almost snarled.  He pushed himself to his feet and made stalked towards  the stairs.  “I’ll read in my room, where I won’t get disturbed.”

“Adam” Ben spoke sharply from his desk.

Adam stopped with his foot on the bottom step and gave a deep sigh.” ‘Night Pa, night Marie.” He started to go on up the stairs but stopped again when he heard his father clear his throat loudly. “Night, Hoss,” he said grudgingly, before he ran up the rest of the steps and slammed his door shut.

 

Hoss looked happily around the assembled gathering on the front porch; he had never had so many people to his birthday party and he was really enjoying himself.  Marie had invited the three Bonner children, Ross and Jenny weeks before but after her chat with Hoss she had added Eddie Watson, his sister and Amy Forrester.

“C’mon Hoss!  Blow out the candles so we can eat the cake,” Jeff Bonner shouted.

Hoss bent over the huge chocolate cake Marie had made and took a deep breath.  Nine candles flickered and died as he blew hard.

“He seems to be having a wonderful time,” Ben commented as he moved alongside Marie to watch his son cut his birthday cake.

“Wish I could say the same for his older brother,” Marie said softly.

Adam was standing self-consciously at the back of the group; he had barely spoken all afternoon.

“What’s the problem?” Ben asked as he studied his oldest son.

Marie wrinkled her nose. “I have a feeling he’s embarrassed.”

Ben raised an eyebrow. “About what?”

Marie shook her head in disbelief.  “Caroline, silly.  He likes her.”

 

“Mmm.  She’s a nice girl, not as giggly as Amy and very clever, do you know she was telling me…”

Marie couldn’t help laughing.  “No, I mean he really likes her.  He’s been walking her home from school.”

Ben spun around to face her, his expression one of shock. “You mean as a girlfriend?”

“Of course, why not?  He’s almost fifteen.”

The children dispersed with plates of cake to find spots where they could sit and eat. Marie watched in amusement as Adam waited until Caroline had found a place beside Rick before he went to join them.

“He’s also jealous of Rick and the easy way he chats to the girls,” she said “I think I may just go and join them, I’ve been meaning to talk to Rick about Valerie.  I think it would be nice if she and Joe played together once in a while now that Hoss is at school most of the day.” She started to move away.

“Got your arrows?” Ben whispered.

She turned around puzzled. “What?”

“Adam and Caroline, Hoss and Jenny, Little Joe and Valerie… got it all sewn up, haven’t you, Cupid?” he grinned.

“Oh, shut up,” she said good-naturedly.

 

A couple of hours later Ben stood beside Hoss as he waved goodbye to the last of his guests. “’Did you enjoy yourself, son?”

Hoss nodded vigorously.  “It was a real good party, wasn’t it?”

“It sure was.  Have you said thank you to Mama for arranging it all?” Ben looked around for Marie. “She was here just now, where did she go?”

Adam sauntered up to them followed by Little Joe.  “She said she was tired and was going to have a rest before she cleared up,” he said. “Joe and I were just going to take things back to the kitchen for Hop Sing, weren’t we, buddy?”

Joe nodded. “I gonna carry the cake.”

Adam laughed and pointed at the chocolate all over Joe’s face and shirt. ”You’re already carrying most of it.  Anyhow, if we had another piece each there wouldn’t be any to carry.”

Hoss and Joe needed no second invitation and Ben grinned at them as he left them to go in search of his wife.  He was a little worried.  She had been tired a lot lately and although the party had been hard work, it wasn’t like her to go for a rest before supper.  He found her stretched out on the settee with her eyes closed and was surprised at how pale she looked.

She opened her eyes and smiled as he bent over her and he gave her a swift kiss.              “Adam said you were having a rest.  I didn’t mean to disturb you but I was worried,” he said softly.

“Well, don’t be.  It’s nothing.  I haven’t been sleeping too well and my back aches a little.  I’ll go to bed right after supper and I’ll be fine by morning,” she said. “I’d better go help Hop Sing clear up.”  She started to rise but Ben pushed her back.

 

“The boys and I will clear up.  In fact, they’ve already cleared up the cake,” he grinned.  “You rest until supper.” To his surprise she made no protest and lay back and closed her eyes again.

He walked away to the kitchen with a worried frown.  He would have to see if he could persuade her to let Hop Sing and the boys do more so that she could rest.

 

Marie was as good as her word.  As soon as supper had been cleared away she said goodnight to the older boys and went up to bed with Little Joe.

“Is Marie alright?” Adam asked as he set up the checkers board for a game with his younger brother.  He was worried about his stepmother but since he wasn’t supposed to know about the baby it was hard to know how to phrase his questions.

Ben looked up from his paperwork. “I think so.  She’s just tired.  We’ll have to help her a bit more.  I’ll go up and check on her in an hour or so.”

Adam went back to the game but every now and then he would glance at the stairs deep in thought.  He only gave the game his full attention after Hoss had taken several of his pieces and he was in danger of losing it.

“I nearly beat you that time,” Hoss said proudly.  It wasn’t often he even came close.

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t playing properly,” Adam replied, leaning back and stretching.

Hoss sighed, why couldn’t Adam admit that he might have beaten him?

Ben closed his books and got to his feet. “Time you two were heading for bed,” he said quietly.  “I’ll come up later to say goodnight and check on Little Joe.”

“Night Pa.  Thanks for my birthday party,” Hoss said as he made for the stairs.

“Night Hoss, sleep well”  Ben said softly.

Adam frowned.  “It’s still early. Why do I have to go to bed at the same time as Hoss?” he grumbled.

“Hoss is later tonight.  You can read for a while in bed but you are to go up now,” Ben said firmly.

“Aw Pa, why can’t…” Adam started.

“NOW,” Ben repeated, emphasising his words by pointing at the stairs.

Adam followed Hoss with a muttered, “Goodnight,” but he was grumbling under his breath as he went.

When they reached the top of the stairs Adam followed Hoss to his room and lounged against the doorpost.

“Ain’t you goin’  to bed?” Hoss asked, undressing and slipping his nightshirt on as he spoke.

Adam shrugged. “It’s way too early. I don’t see why I should go to bed just ‘cos you are. I’m much older than you.” He crossed over to the bed and dropped on to the end of it, curling his long legs up under himself.

“I’m nine now and I’m near as big as you,” Hoss retorted angrily, he was fed up with Adam always going on about how much older or smarter he was.

“You can’t catch up little brother, I’ll always be older,” Adam said smugly.

 

“I don’t wanna catch up if it means I’ll be as dumb as you,” Hoss came back at him.

“Dumb?  I’m a helluva lot smarter than you’ll ever be,” Adam said, uncoiling his long frame and getting to his feet.

“Huh!” Hoss sniffed. “I don’t go all stupid over a dopey girl.”

“Whaddya mean?” Adam said belligerently, already knowing what his brother was getting at.

“Ca..ro..line,”  Hoss said in a whiney voice. “You’re sweet on her and you go all red if she even looks at you!” he teased.

“I do not!” Adam gave his brother a push making him step backwards.

Hoss knew he was annoying his older brother but he was enjoying it far too much to stop. “She likes Rick better’n you, anyhow,” he added.

“Shut up.  She does not,” Adam snapped, pushing Hoss again.

Hoss grinned. “How come she said she’d meet him tomorrow at the school picnic then?” he asked triumphantly.

Adam hadn’t heard this conversation and he wasn’t sure whether Hoss was saying it just to annoy him, but it was so unlike Hoss to make something up that it had to be true. “I don’t believe you,” he snarled launching himself at his younger brother.

Hoss backed away but kept the maddening grin on his face. Adam couldn’t stand being laughed at and Hoss was laughing at him now. Without thinking about the consequences he lashed out at his younger brother, punching him in the mouth.  Hoss was a little surprised but he wasn’t about to let Adam get away with it unscathed and soon they were embroiled in a serious fight.  It was different to their usual playfights, this time they were both in earnest and trading heavy blows.  Hoss was handicapped by his nightshirt but he wasn’t going to give in easily.  A particularly wild swing from Hoss sent Adam reeling back into the night table and the oil lamp crashed to the floor.  Luckily the bowl was brass, the oil didn’t spill or catch fire but the globe and chimney shattered and shards of glass showered on the rug.  Both boys stopped fighting.  They couldn’t see in the sudden darkness and as Adam stepped forward he heard the glass crunch under his boots.

In the dim light from the hall Adam bent to pick up the remains of the lamp and as he straightened up the room was illuminated by another light.

“What on earth is going on here?” Marie’s voice rang out loud and clear in the silence.  She was standing at the door and the lamp from the hallway was in her hand. She was wearing only a nightdress with no robe and her hair was loose around her shoulders, showing that she had rushed to the room from her bed when she heard the crash.

Adam was about to reply when he saw his father behind Marie and one look at his face made him swallow hard and close his eyes, waiting for the lecture.

Ben took the lamp from Marie’s hand and moved into the room. “Were you two fighting?” he asked quietly.

Both boys glanced up then dropped their eyes back to the floor.

“Well, were you?” he repeated.

 

Adam nodded. “Yes, sir,” he said with a resigned sigh.

“Who started it?” Ben asked his eyes moving from one to the other. “And how did that get broken?” he pointed at the lamp.

“He started it,” Adam snarled, glaring at Hoss. “And he pushed me into the lamp.”

Hoss’ mouth dropped open.  How could Adam say that?  It simply wasn’t true! “You’re a liar!” he yelled.

“ERIK,  that will do,” Ben said sternly. “Did you hit Adam first?”

Hoss looked at his father  and then appealingly at his older brother.  “No Pa, honest, I didn’t.  I was just teasin’ him… really I was.” Hoss said close to tears.  “He pushed me then he hit me.” Hoss hated telling tales but he was so upset that Adam could lie so blatantly about what had happened.

While they had been talking Marie had fetched a broom and was sweeping up the broken glass as she bent to pick it up she winced and bit her lip. Ben saw the fleeting expression of pain and swiftly leaned down to help her to her feet. “Leave that. The boys will clear it up, you go back to bed,” he said gently.

Marie nodded. “Alright.”

“I’ll be along in a minute,” Ben said as she left the room.

He turned back to the boys. “It’s obvious that you are both to blame and it’s also obvious that one of you is lying…” He paused to let his words sink in and fixed his eyes firmly on Adam.  “You will both do extra chores to pay for the lamp and if I catch you fighting again you will both get a tanning, no matter who started it.  Now apologize to each other.”

Hoss barely lifted his head and muttered, “Sorry, Adam.”

“You too, young man,” Ben said sternly to Adam.

Adam shrugged. “Sorry,” he said grudgingly.

Ben drew in a breath and blew it out again in exasperation. “Hoss, get to bed now.  Adam, clear up this glass, then get to your room as you were told to do earlier.” He waited until both had begun to obey him then headed for the door. “I’m going to check on your mother and I’ll be back in a minute, you had better both be in bed by the time I do,” he said sharply. “And neither of you had better as much as poke your nose out of your rooms until morning.  Is that clear?”

Both boys nodded and Ben grunted as he left the room.  Adam continued to clear up the glass without looking at his brother.  He had understood the look Pa had given him and knew that when he was visited in a few minutes he was going to regret telling those lies.

 

 

Marie stopped twice on the short journey to her own room, sudden pains shot through her making her feel very sick and dizzy.  She made it to her bed and sat down, thankfully.  The pains in her stomach and back were continuous now, her head felt muzzy and very heavy and she wanted to lie down.  She tried to swing her legs into bed but the effort was too much for her and she lay back with her feet still hanging over the side of the feather mattress.  She was in the same position when Ben reached her a few moments later and he was shocked at how white her face looked.  He bent down to lift her feet on to the bed and then he stepped back in horror.  Her nightdress and the sheets were covered in blood.

“Oh, my God,” he whispered, his voice hoarse.

Marie’s eyes flickered open.  “Fetch Kate,” she said softly with tears in her eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 36

 

 

Marie lay back gratefully on the pillows and drifted in and out of consciousness.  When the pain woke her she remembered the birth of her sons; childbirth had been painful but she had never realised that not having a baby could be so much worse.   Then there had been a child to look forward to. Now, there was nothing. She was vaguely aware of Kate Shaughnessy bending over her and putting cold compresses on her forehead.  Sometimes she could see Kate, and sometimes it was her own mother and she was a sick child in New Orleans. She heard Ben’s voice, full of concern and then Kate’s reassuring one, but it all blurred together and she drifted away again.

“She will be alright, won’t she, Kate?” Ben asked anxiously. He had been holding on to his wife’s hand for hours and the grey dawn light was beginning to filter into the room.

Kate Shaughnessy looked at the dark smudges under Marie’s eyes, her chalk white face, her shaky breathing and wished she could be sure.  “I don’t know, Ben,” she said softly.

“But, you were okay,” he blurted out, then blushed, realising that the loss of Kate’s babies was something they had never discussed.

She patted his shoulder. “I lost two at birth and the two miscarriages were early.  Marie was well into the fourth month, it’s not so easy. I wish she had told me she wasn’t feeling well when I saw her last week.” She shook her head. “She’s not as strong as she tries to pretend.”

“It’s nearly dawn.  What am I going to tell the boys?” he said slowly.

“Did they know about the baby?” Kate asked her voice full of concern.

Ben shook his head. “No, Marie didn’t want to tell them yet.  She figured Joe was too young to understand and after all the problems we had with Adam last time, she wanted to keep it to herself for a while.’

“Then just tell them that their Mama is sick and I’ve come to take care of her.  You can tell them more later if you’ve a mind to, but that will do for now.” She sponged Marie’s face again and then turned to him once more. “Go get an hour’s rest before they get up. They’ll be frightened if they see you so worried.”

“You’ll call me if there’s any change?”

“Of course, but I think she will sleep for a while now. There’s no fever yet and that’s a good sign.” She almost had to push him out of the room and as soon as he left she went back to watching her patient.

 

What was going on?  Adam sat up in bed and tried to work out what was happening from the sounds he could hear.  While he had been clearing up the glass he had heard his father going down the back stairs and then returning with Hop Sing after that all went quiet and he had gone to bed.  He had expected Pa to come back to check on him but he hadn’t unless it had been after he fell asleep.  He was rather glad about that.  Pa knew he had been lying about the fight, and he quite expected to be punished. It wouldn’t matter; though.  Just because Pa hadn’t come back it didn’t mean he would get away with it.  Pa sure wouldn’t overlook it.

He wasn’t sure what had woken him.  It must be well after midnight.  He was sure he could hear voices in his parents’ room or in the hallway, but he couldn’t hear what they were saying.

He got out of bed and padded across the room in his bare feet to listen at the door.  The voice was Mrs Shaughnessy’s, he was certain.  What was she doing here in the middle of the night?  He debated going to check and then he remembered his father’s parting words; it sure wouldn’t help his situation to disobey and leave his room.  He climbed back into bed and tried to hear what was going on but he soon drifted back to sleep.

He awoke as the sun began to stream into his room and turned over lazily. For a moment he relaxed and thought about how to talk to Caroline at the picnic.  Then with a sinking feeling he realised that after Pa got through with him, even if he could sit, he probably wouldn’t be going to the picnic. He swung his legs out of bed and sat on the edge contemplating what his fate might be; yes, the picnic was almost certainly off as far as he was concerned.

He heard the sound of running feet and waited for the door to crash open and then he grinned as it did and a small bundle of mischief in a blue and white nightshirt bounced on him.

“Hey, careful.  I’ll break,” he joked.

Joe stopped bouncing and looked up with concern. “How?”

Adam laughed and tickled him. “You’re getting to big too jump on me, it hurts.”

Joe studied his brother carefully. “Did I do that?” he asked in awe as he pointed at Adam’s left eye, which was a deep shade of purple.

Adam shook his head and smiled.  “No, Hoss did.”

“Ooh, does it hurt?” Joe said softly.

“It’s not so bad now, but it hurt last night. We had a fight and I bet he’s not talking to me today. I kinda told Pa it was his fault and it wasn’t.” Adam began to dress while his little brother wandered to the window.

“I go to the picnic today,” Joe said excitedly. “What’s it for?  Is it someone’s birthday, like Hoss’ party?”

Adam sat down to pull his boots on. “No, not a birthday party, it’s something Mr Lawson started so that all the children and their parents could meet up once a year. It raises money for school funds and stuff.” He got to his feet and stamped his boots on properly. “Let’s go get you dressed and then you can jump on Hoss.  I’d better not wake him this morning; he’d probably deck me.”

Once Joe was dressed, Adam left him to wake Hoss and went downstairs.  He was surprised to see that there was no one about.  Usually Marie was organising the breakfast table and Pa was already in the yard.  They must have overslept.  He went into the kitchen following the smell of fresh brewed coffee.

“Morning, Hop Sing.  Where is everyone?” he said cheerfully.

Hop Sing looked up from the stove and Adam rushed to his side.  The tears in the little Chinese cook’s eyes scared him.

“What’s wrong? Where’s Pa?” he almost yelled.

Hop Sing shook his head. “Missy Cahtlight sick..” ‘

Adam whirled around and headed for the stairs, almost colliding with his father who was coming down them.

“Hey, slow down! Where are you going?” Ben asked, catching his son by the shoulders.

“Hop Sing said Marie’s sick,” Adam gasped out then took a steadying breath.

“Yes, she is. She’s going to be alright, but she needs to rest, so keep the noise down,”  Ben said quietly. “Can you take care of your brothers today?”

Adam nodded. “Is Shaughnessy here?  I thought I heard her voice.”

“Yes, she came last night and she’s with Marie now. We were worried during the night but Marie’s sleeping peacefully now and Mrs Shaughnessy says she’ll be fine in a few days.”

Adam hesitated a second; he wasn’t sure how to word his next question but he had to know. “What about the… the baby”’

Ben drew in a sharp breath. “How did you know about that?” he said, his voice almost breaking.

Adam dropped his eyes to the floor, he knew he shouldn’t have been eavesdropping. “I overheard you talking,” he said softly.  He glanced up, wondering if Pa was angry with him, but to his horror he saw a tear slip form his father’s eye.

“The baby died,” he said so softly that Adam almost didn’t hear him. “Marie’s going to be alright but there will be no baby now.” He pulled Adam towards him and hugged him close.

They stayed like that for a few moments, sharing the deep sorrow that both felt.  Adam didn’t understand why he had set such store by this baby; after all, he hadn’t wanted Little Joe at all until he had arrived. Maybe that was why. This time he wanted everything to be perfect.  He suddenly pushed away from his father and looked up.

“It wasn’t… I mean… our fight last night didn’t…” he couldn’t finish the sentence it scared him too much to think that he might have been responsible.

Ben’s eyes snapped wide open. He had completely forgotten the previous evening’s fight and was shocked that Adam could think it had caused Marie’s miscarriage. “Good heavens no!  Whatever gave you that idea?  Marie’s been feeling ill for over a week, she just wouldn’t admit it.” He grasped Adam firmly and looked into his eyes. “It had nothing to do with you or your brothers or anything you did, do you understand?”

Adam nodded. “What can we do to help?”

“Well, if you could look after your brothers today, Shaughnessy and I can sit with her so that she has company,” Ben suggested.

“Can I use the buckboard and take them to the picnic?” Adam asked.

Ben considered for a moment.  He was reluctant to let the three of them go alone, Joe was still a baby himself and he wanted no more worries for Marie.  She would be sure to ask where they were. “I’ll ask Jake to take you; he can handle the buckboard and then bring you back later.  You go get the others ready and make sure they eat breakfast.”

“Can we see Marie?”  Adam asked tentatively.

“I don’t think so, not until this evening, she needs to rest.  I’ll explain to Hoss and Joe that she’s sick, but don’t tell them about the baby.  There’s no reason for them to know.” Ben gave his son a reassuring smile. “You think you can manage to keep them amused all day and keep them out of mischief?”

Adam gave a small smile. “Sure, Pa.  Don’t worry, I’ll take care of them.”

 

Adam had done his best to amuse his little brother,  but now as the afternoon wore on his good intentions were beginning to wane; he was tired of being in Joe’s company.  He had spent a little time with Ross but then Amy had come and claimed him and they hadn’t wanted Adam, never mind a little one, tagging along.  About an hour after they had arrived, Hoss had asked to go with Eddie and Jenny and Adam had agreed, now he regretted it.  At least with Hoss along, Joe behaved better.  His little brother was tired and getting irritable and beginning to whine at every suggestion.  Adam was in a bad mood: he had spotted Caroline with Rick and had tried to avoid them, the feeling of jealously was too strong for him to handle.  He sat down on a log and watched the proceedings while Joe tried to climb all over him.

“Will you sit still?” he snapped, causing Joe’s eyes to well up with tears.

“I wan’ Hoss,” Joe began to wail. “You’re nasty”’

“Yeah, well you got me and I don’t like it anymore’n you do,” Adam replied crossly.

“You having trouble?” Ross’ voice came from behind him.

He turned and looked up at his friend. “Yeah. Do you want a little brother?”

Ross shook his head. “Hoss is only over there, why don’t you let Joe go to him?” He pointed to where Hoss and Jenny were playing horseshoes with some other children. “We could go.”’

Adam blushed at the mention of Caroline and hoped his friend wouldn’t notice. ‘Okay, but I’d better make sure Hoss knows he’s got to keep an eye on Joe. C’mon, buddy. You get your wish. Hoss can suffer for a while.”

Hoss had protested that Joe wasn’t his responsibility but Adam wouldn’t listen and left them together. Ross and Adam wandered among the stalls for half an hour and finally stopped for a lemonade. They paid for it and took their glasses to the shade of one of the trees and slumped down with their backs to the trunk.

“Want something in that?” a voice said very quietly.

Adam looked up to see Rick standing over them with a bottle in his hand.

“What is it?” Adam asked, already knowing the answer.

“Whaddya think?  Whiskey,” Rick grinned at him. “Well, you said you wanted to taste it, so I got some for you.” He casually held out the bottle.

Ross looked uneasy;  he knew Adam too well.  If Rick suggested it was grown-up to drink whisky, Adam would try it, especially since he felt a need to compete with Rick at the moment.

“We don’t want it, do we Adam?” he said quickly before his friend could answer.

“What’s the matter Ross, you scared?” Rick sneered. “Adam’s not, are you?”

Adam shrugged. “I’ll try it.”

“Adam, don’t,” Ross begged. “You’ll only get into trouble.”

“Aw c’mon Ross, one drink ain’t gonna hurt,” Adam replied holding out his glass for Rick to top it up with the whisky.

Ross held his out, too. It was against his better judgement, but he wasn’t going to be left out and called scared.

Adam sipped nervously at the mixture; it tasted alright.  He took a larger swallow, then coughed as it burned the back of his throat.  The warm feeling that followed felt good and he soon emptied the glass.  Ross watched him and then when there were no obvious ill effects, he did the same. Rick grinned and sat down beside them. He filled their glasses again this time without the lemonade and then took a long swallow from the bottle.

Adam finished one glass of the stronger liquid but had barely taken a sip of the second when a shadow fell over them. The bottle was snatched from Rick’s hand and the whisky poured onto the grass.

“Hey!  You can’t…” Rick scrambled to his feet to find himself face to face with Jake Webber.

Adam and Ross stood up too, both looking very nervous and guilty as Jake stormed at Rick.

“I just did,” Jake snapped. “Whadda you plan to do about it?” He fixed Rick with a glare. “Mr Cartwright gave you a chance to be different, Rick.  He gave you a job so you’d be better ‘n your Pa, but you don’t want that, do you?  You bin lying, cheating and stealing from him since the day your Pa went to jail and now you’re tryin’ to get Adam to join you.”

Rick’s eyes shifted from Jake to Adam.  He hoped Jake was guessing.  If he had proof, then Jake would give no quarter.

“Don’t think you’ve bin fooling Mr Cartwright either, but he feels sorry for you, gives you too much slack.  Well, when he hears about this I reckon he’ll change his mind,” Jake spat out at Rick.

Jake heard Adam’s sharp intake of breath at the mention of his father. Well, maybe it was time he learned a lesson, too. Ben Cartwright was going to be furious.

“Now, you get back to your Ma and tell her you probably ain’t got a job no more.”

Rick backed away, relieved that Jake hadn’t mentioned the law.  He could find other jobs, he had a supreme confidence in his ability to survive. He was sorry this one had ended; it had been a soft option but there’d be others.  There were always suckers out there who’d fall for his stories.

Jake rounded on the two younger boys. “Throw that stuff away, NOW!” he yelled.  Both boys obeyed, too scared to say anything.  “Ross, you get on back to your parents.  I may ride by later and see your Pa, so maybe you should tell him what you bin doin’ afore I do.”

Neither had ever seen Jake this angry.  He was always easy-going, their teacher and their friend in all things to do with the ranch and like a second father to Adam.  As he watched Ross disappear leaving him alone with Jake, this thought struck Adam forcibly: a second father.  Well, he knew what the first one would do… maybe Jake would, too.  It was as if Jake was reading his mind.

“I ought to warm the seat of your pants right here!” he yelled at Adam. “Don’t you think your Pa’s got enough worry today without you adding to it?”

Adam had the grace to look ashamed. “I’m sorry, Jake.  I only tasted it, Rick said…”

“I don’t care what Rick said!  And don’t lie to me, I can smell how much you’ve drunk” Jake was beyond furious at Adam’s attempt to deceive him further. “You knew it was wrong.  You’re old enough to make your own decisions, don’t go blaming it on Rick.” He looked around breathing heavily. “Where are your brothers? You’re supposed to be takin’ care of them, too.”

Adam hung his head; he had never felt so awful. Jake’s opinion meant a lot to him, almost as much as his father’s, and for some reason his condemnation was worse than Pa’s.         “Joe’s with Hoss.  They were playing horseshoes over there.” He pointed at the spot where he had last seen his brothers but neither of them were in sight. “I’d better go look for them,” he almost whispered.

“Oh no.  You get in that wagon and you don’t move.  I’ll find ’em and then we’re going home,” Jake said sternly.

Adam moved slowly toward the buckboard his head down, as he reached it he put a hand up to the seat and then turned to look at Jake. “I’m sorry, Jake.” His dark eyes were pleading.

“Yeah, well you’re gonna be a whole lot sorrier when your Pa hears about this,” Jake snapped as he strode off to fetch Hoss and Little Joe.

On the journey home Hoss and Joe chattered non-stop about the things they had done at the picnic, but Adam remained silent.  Occasionally he would glance sideways at Jake but the older man’s face was stern and unforgiving.  The jolting of the buckboard was beginning to make him feel queasy. He wasn’t sure whether it was the whisky he had drunk or the thought of what would be waiting for him at home that made him feel sick but he wished with all his heart that he had refused Rick’s offer.  When they were within sight of the ranch he took his courage in both hands and spoke to Jake very quietly.

“Jake, I’m real sorry.  Pa’s awful worried about Marie… I didn’t think…” he began.

“No you didn’t,” Jake retorted still very angry.

“I know I did wrong and… well… do you have to tell Pa?  He’s gonna be awful mad.  Couldn’t we work it out between us?”

Jake looked across at the youngster. “You shoulda thought o’ that before you took that drink. I ain’t your Pa.  It ain’t for me to say whether you should be punished, though if you was mine, you wouldn’t sit for a week.  When we get back, you got ’til supper to tell him, or I do it for you.  You got that?”

Adam nodded. He rested his elbows on his knees and sank his head into his hands.  “Yes, sir,” he mumbled.

 

Ben was in the yard to greet them and he swung Little Joe down from the seat and gave him a hug. “What did you do today, son?”

“I played… horseshoes and I was good,” Joe said proudly.

“Can we see Mama now?  Is she better?” Hoss asked.

“I wanna tell her,” Joe began to protest.

“Okay, you can tell her,” Hoss grinned.

Ben held up his hand for quiet. “You can see her for a little while if you promise to be as quiet as mice. No bouncing on the bed, young man,” he said sternly to Joe. “And no shouting.  She’s very tired and needs to rest.  Is that understood?”

“Yes, Pa,” they chorused.

“Go on, then, but remember be very quiet,” he said again.

He turned around to Adam, but he had disappeared into the barn with the horses.  “What’s wrong, Jake?” he asked wearily, placing his hands on his hips and preparing himself for bad news.

Jake gave a shake of his head. “How d’you know anything’s wrong?”

“Adam put the horses up without being asked and he hasn’t spoken. What’s he done now?” Ben asked with a tired sigh.

“He’ll tell you himself, but you might as well know it involved Rick Bonner and well… I pretty much gave him his marching orders.  Hope that was alright?”

Ben nodded slowly. “If that’s what you think best, Jake, I’ll not argue with you.  I tried, but he doesn’t want to work hard.  He wants life to come easy.”

“How’s Mrs Cartwright?” Jake said softly.

“She’s feeling a little better and Kate says she’ll be alright in a few days,” Ben replied.

Jake noticed the sadness in his boss’ expression and he awkwardly patted his shoulder.  “’m real sorry, Boss.  Tell her that, will Ya?”

“Thanks, Jake.  She’ll appreciate your concern.”

Jake watched his boss go into the house and shook his head at the defeated slump of his shoulders.  Why couldn’t something go right for the man?  Jake went into the barn to help Adam, determined that if he had any say in it,  the army contract would be fulfilled so that Ben had no worries… about money, at least.

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 37

 

 

The chair rocked gently and Marie opened her eyes slowly.  She had been having a lovely dream and didn’t want to wake up to reality just yet.  She was very tired and had none of her usual verve and energy.  It was almost two weeks since she had lost the baby and although Kate said she was going to be fine, she didn’t think she would ever feel well again.

“Mama!” A persistent little voice was calling her and pushing the rocking chair.

She reluctantly pulled herself up in the chair and looked down at her little son. His sparkling eyes looking up at her should have been comforting, but they only emphasised her loss.  There would be no little sister to steal his father’s heart as he had done with hers.

“What is it, sweetie?” she said softly.

“I wanna go see the ducks,” he said trying to clamber up on to her lap.

She pushed him down gently. “Hoss will take you when he gets home from school, Mama’s too tired, darling.”

“Are you still sick?” he asked, his baby face full of concern.

“Just a little bit. I’ll be well soon.” She wished she believed it herself; would her energy never come back?  She closed her eyes again and Joe sighed and went back to his bricks on the porch.

She knew Ben had been reluctant to leave her these last few days but he had to work with the cattle.  He had just two more weeks to the deadline and the roundup was almost complete.  In a few days they would start driving them to the rendezvous point near Pyramid Lake for the army to collect.  All was going well, but there would only be three or four days to spare in case anything went wrong on the trip. He would be gone for about ten days and she was dreading that time: at the moment she only felt secure when he was by her side.  She hadn’t let him know her fears, he had far too much to worry about without her adding to it, but she would be glad when he was back safe and sound.

She opened her eyes and looked up as her two stepsons rode into the yard.  Joe was up and running toward them before she could get out of her chair and she sighed and let him go.  She watched in amusement as Hoss swung his little brother high in the air and then whirled him around making them both giddy.  Her expression darkened as she watched her older stepson’s surly demeanour.  He took the horses into the barn with a glare at Hoss to show his disapproval.  She had never realised that adolescents could have such mood swings.  This black humour was presumably the result of his restriction to the yard.  Ben had not been amused by his behaviour at the picnic and had forbidden him to go anywhere except school for two weeks.  She shook her head;  it sometimes felt as if the rest of the family was being punished along with him when he was sulking like this.

“Can we go see ducks now?” Joe was pulling at her skirts.

Hoss shared a grin with his stepmother. “Can I do my chores later?  Joe wants to go now.”

Marie nodded. “He’s been pestering me all afternoon.”

“I bin good, Mama,” Joe pleaded.

Marie bent down to him and stroked his curls. “Yes, sweetie you have.  Alright, Hoss, but your chores still have to be done by supper, so don’t be gone long.”

“I help,” Joe grinned as he pulled at Hoss’ hand to make him hurry.

Adam had come across to join them and he dropped his books on to the porch.  “Where you goin’?” he asked.

“Takin’ Joe to see the ducks,” Hoss replied over his shoulder.

Adam shrugged and went to follow.

“Just a moment, young man.” Marie put a hand on his shoulder and he swung around.  “You aren’t going anywhere. You’re restricted to the yard and you have chores to do,” she said firmly.

“Aw, c’mon!  It’s only five minutes from the yard and the chores can wait,” Adam protested, his expression one of disbelief.

“You’re not going and your chores won’t wait,” Marie repeated.

Adam pushed her hand away. “How come Hoss gets to leave his chores then?” he complained.

“Hoss didn’t get into trouble at the picnic and he’s not being punished,” Marie said, keeping her voice as even and calm as she could.  She really didn’t feel up to a battle with her obstinate stepson.  For a moment she thought he would defy her and go anyway but he simply glared at her as he turned toward the barn again and she heard him curse just loud enough for her to hear.

“Adam!” she said sharply.

He turned around with a defiant stare.

“Pick up your books, please, and take them inside before you start your chores,” she said quietly and as he sighed and bent to do so, she added, “And if you use words like that again, I’ll wash your mouth out, do you hear me?”

He hesitated for a heartbeat and she opened her mouth to repeat herself.

“Yes, Ma’am,” he grumbled.

There was insolence in his tone but she decided to ignore it; there was nothing to be gained by upsetting herself over his surliness.

 

Supper was finished and cleared away by the time Ben came back from the meadows.  At the sound of his voice in the yard, Marie got up from her chair to fetch the meal she had been saving for him in the oven. He came in and ruffled Joe’s curls and gave Hoss a friendly pat on the back as he passed to the table.

“That smells good. After the day I’ve had I need spoiling,” he said pulling Marie towards him and giving her a kiss.

“Was it that terrible?” she asked, her eyes showing her worry.

“No, not really. Lots of hard work but the cattle are ready for us to move. Jose is doing the final count tomorrow and we can move out Monday.  That gives us about four or five days in case of any problems on the trail.  I never thought we’d do it, but it looks as though we will be financially secure for the winter, and the timber contract will be confirmed,” he said with pride in his voice and a smile on his lips.

“That’s wonderful, darling,” Marie responded with a hug.  It was the first smile she had seen that travelled all the way to his eyes since he came back from San Francisco.

“I’ll go up early in the morning and try to get back and spend Sunday with you before we leave,” he said, between mouthfuls of stew.

“Can I come with you tomorrow, Pa?” Hoss asked from his seat on the settee.

“If you promise to behave and do as Jose tells you. I’ll leave at around six so you’d better be ready early,” Ben replied.

Hoss sat back delighted with the response.  Jose usually let him ride along with one of the hands and he could pretend that he was a proper cowhand.

“I wanna come wiv Hoss.” Joe slipped from the settee and went to his father’s chair.   Ben bent down and lifted him on to his knee. “Not this time, little one.  Maybe when you are a bit older, like Hoss.”

Joe began to pout and Ben could see a tantrum in the making and tried to forestall it. “Hop Sing is going to be getting the chuck wagon ready and I’d really like you to help him load it up. Would you do that for me?”

Joe frowned.  It didn’t sound as exciting as rounding up cattle but he did like helping Hop Sing.  “Okay,” he agreed after a few seconds.

Ben glanced across at his oldest son who was curled up in the blue velvet chair listening to the conversation.  These days he seemed to have a permanent scowl on his face and Ben knew that his next sentence was not going to improve matters.

“Adam, I’d like you to give Hop Sing a hand, too.  There is a lot to load and we need the wagon up at the meadows by nightfall,” he said quietly.

Adam nodded. “I’ll do it in the morning before I meet Ross and…” he hesitated and changed his mind about what he had been going to say next, “…and some other friends” he finished.

“That won’t be possible,” Ben said quietly setting Joe down and pouring himself a coffee.  “You’re confined to the ranch for two weeks as you very well know.”

“But it’s already been two weeks!” Adam said quickly.

“No, the two weeks aren’t finished until Sunday,” Ben said patiently.

“But it’s only one day,” Adam complained, sounding more like Little Joe than a fourteen-year-old.

“Your punishment was for two weeks, not one week and six days,” Ben said firmly.

“But I’ve arranged to meet them already,” Adam tried again.

“Then they’ll be disappointed. You are not going and that’s an end to it.” He turned back to Joe. “How about we go and get you ready for bed and read some stories?” he suggested.

Joe nodded and held out his arms to be lifted up.

Adam failed to control his temper.  He closed his book with a bang and slammed it down on the table, getting to his feet he made for the stairs.  He had gone about three steps up when his father caught his arm. “I agree, you should go to bed for that little display of temper, but you will say goodnight first.  And if there is any more of this rudeness the two weeks will be four.  Is that clear?” Ben said quietly, but intensely.

“Yes, sir,” Adam said through clenched teeth. “Goodnight.”

Ben released him and with a despairing glance at Marie, he followed his son up the stairs.

Adam was about to slam his door shut when he thought better of it. He knew he had pushed his luck just about far enough, one more act of defiance and Pa would really let him have it.  He threw his book on to the bed and then crossed over to the window and stared into the darkness.  He had arranged to meet with Rick as well as Ross and he intended to keep to the plan.  Pa wasn’t likely to be back before dark so that wouldn’t be a problem, but he’d have to find some way to distract Marie so that she didn’t notice he was missing for the afternoon.  He dropped on to his bed and lay back with his hands behind his head.  It was going to take some fast talking, but he had an idea that might work.

 

Adam’s plan had two parts to it and the first part worked like a dream.  Marie had a very short fuse at the best of times and right now it was shorter than usual.  It hadn’t been hard to make her angry with him, angry enough to send him to his room with the words ‘and I don’t want to see you until you are ready to apologise.’   

As he slipped out of his little brother’s bedroom window he grinned; she’d get her apology alright, as soon as he got back, and if he made it a good one, he knew she wouldn’t tell Pa. She prided herself on being able to deal with him without resorting to his father except on rare occasions.  He skirted around the house and into the back of the barn, quietly leading his pony out and checking all around before riding off to his rendezvous.

 

“What we gonna do then?” Rick asked. “We can’t wait all day for Ross.”

Adam shook his head a little sadly. “His Pa musta stopped him coming.” Mr Marquette hadn’t been anymore impressed with the drinking escapade than Pa had.

“Let’s go see whether your Pa’s got his herd ready to move,” Rick suggested.

Adam glanced at him in surprise. “I’d rather not. I’m supposed to be at home. If he sees me, he’ll skin me alive,” he said worriedly.

“Ah, he won’t see us.  Don’t be so scared,” Rick scoffed, as he swung into the saddle. “C’mon, maybe we can tease old Charlie”’

Adam wasn’t so sure, he followed at a slower pace and wished he had refused to go at all. Bating Charlie had always been a favourite with Rick. The old ranch hand had been around since they first came out here.  He would disappear on a drunken binge every now and again but he always came back and Pa always felt sorry for him and took him on again.  When he was sober he was a good worker but when he was drinking he had a tendency to forget his work and sleep it off where ever he happened to be.  This habit had led Rick to creeping up on him and scaring him out of his few wits.

Rick pulled his horse up on the bluff overlooking the herd and Adam joined him.

“They must be nearly ready to move,” Rick said thoughtfully. “Jake sure does work folks hard.”

Adam glanced at his friend. There was something about the way Rick said it that made him feel uneasy. “Yeah, Pa said they’d move out Monday.” He leaned on the saddle horn and looked down on the herd.  It looked real good, Pa must be relieved that all had gone well.

“Let’s ride around ’em, see if we can find Charlie. I bet he’s hidin’ up someplace asleep,” Rick grinned.

Down in the valley the herd looked even more impressive and Adam couldn’t  help but feel proud of them.  He kept an eye open for riders but most of the men were over the far side of the herd taking the tally, the cattle on this side had obviously been checked.

Suddenly Rick stopped and dismounted, signaling Adam to do the same and putting a finger to his lips.

“Over there,” he said softly and pointed to where a cow pony was grazing unattended by a rocky outcrop. “I bet he’s there.” Rick beckoned to Adam and they moved in behind some trees.

“We leave our horses here and go in on foot. He won’t hear us.  Now what we gonna do to scare him?” Rick asked with a grin.

Adam shook his head. “I don’t…” he stopped as his hand brushed against his jacket pocket. “’Hey what about these?” he asked entering into the spirit of the game as he drew out three firecrackers.

Rick smiled. “Where d’you get them?” he asked.

“Pa bought ’em for Hoss and me a while back, we let some off at 4th of July.  These were left over,” Adam replied.

Rick took a couple of the firecrackers and turned them over in his hand. “I got matches.  You go that way and whistle when you are behind that rock then count to three and drop yours behind him.  I’ll wait until I hear yours then drop mine. Okay?”

Adam didn’t understand why they had to split up and said so.

“Cos that way he’s less likely to see us, he won’t know which way to look.  You don’t wanna get caught, do ya?” Rick said scornfully.

Adam shook his head and made his way around the rocks to position himself behind Charlie.  He whistled then counted to three.  The explosion of the firecracker shocked Charlie to his feet and he stumbled around in a drunken haze looking for the source of the sound that had wakened him.  Suddenly Adam’s head shot up.  The other two firecrackers had exploded but not near Charlie, the sound came from the other side of the outcrop, the side where the herd were peacefully grazing.

Adam scrambled to the top of the rocks and stared in horror at the scene below, the herd was on the move, not as one body but as if someone had dropped a giant rock into their midst.  They were spreading out from the centre and running in all directions.  Cowhands grabbed for their horses and went in pursuit but it was a hopeless task, within minutes the compact peaceful herd was scattered to the four winds.

Rick’s strange manner made sense now and as Adam looked into his friend’s face he could see the look of triumph in his eyes.  Rick had got his revenge on Ben Cartwright and Jake Webber, and he was feeling good about it.  Adam’s stomach churned.  The herd had to reach the army and there was no way it would get there before the deadline now, it would take ages to find them.  They would lose the ranch and Pa would owe the army a lot of money, and it was all his fault.  He was suddenly violently sick.

“Hey, you okay, buddy?” Rick asked still smiling from his victory.

Adam tried to control his heaving stomach and glared at Rick. “You did that on purpose!” he yelled. “You planned this all along!”

Rick laughed and shook his head. “Not true, kid. I wanted to do it but I didn’t know how. You showed me. You’re as guilty as me, so let’s get outta here before someone spots us.  I ain’t keen to tangle with Jake or your Pa, and you shouldn’t be either.”

 

Adam climbed quietly back through Joe’s bedroom window and crept to his room.  He had never felt so sick in his life. What was he going to do?  He stood with his back against the door as if to stop anyone entering.  No one had seen them, had they?  Why did he have to do anything?  Pa would never know that he hadn’t been in his room all afternoon.

It all sounded simple but his conscience was playing havoc with his stomach.  He ought to own up.  But what good would that do?  It wouldn’t bring the cattle back; it wouldn’t help Pa meet the deadline, all it would do would be to bring the heavens down around his ears.  No, carrying out his original plan was the sensible thing to do, wasn’t it?

He took a deep breath and opened the door slowly.  Below in the living room he could hear Joe chattering to Hop Sing while they set the table for supper.  He made his way down the stairs and stopped on the bottom step. Marie was seated in her chair with a pile of mending beside her and she looked up at the sound of his footsteps.

“Well, it took you long enough,” she said sharply.

He walked across to her chair, keeping his eyes on the floor.  He knew he couldn’t look at her, but that would appear normal for him. He hated apologies and she would see nothing odd in his behaviour.  He cleared his throat, barely trusting his voice.

“I’m sorry I was rude to you earlier, Ma’am,” he said softly. He heard his own voice echoing in his head and knew it sounded strange, but he couldn’t help it.

Marie nodded. “I should think so; I’ve never heard such insolence.”  She paused and waited for him to lift his head a fraction. “You’d better get on with your chores, your father will be back soon and he will have had a tiring day.”

Adam went out into the yard and, once clear of the house, he sighed with relief.  Her last statement was truer than she knew and he dreaded his father’s return.  He had almost finished his chores when he heard the sound of horses in the yard.  Cautiously he peered around the barn door.  Jake, Hoss and his father were tying their horses to the hitching rail and all looked tired, but as his father looked up, Adam could see something else in his face, defeat.

 

“But I don’t understand.” Marie was saying as Adam pushed open the planked front door. “What made them stampede?”

“I don’t know; an explosion of some kind.  Jose said it sounded like firecrackers,” Ben said tiredly. He was sitting on the sofa with his head in his hands and Marie was rubbing his shoulders in an effort to ease his tension.

“Firecrackers! Who on earth would be stupid enough to let off those near a herd of cattle?” Marie said in surprise.

“How the hell should I know?” Ben snapped. Marie stopped her massage and bit her lip.  Ben reached up a hand and rested it over hers. “I’m sorry.  But it’s the end of everything.  Jake reckons it will take best part of another week to find all the cattle and then even if the drive was perfect we’d miss the deadline by maybe four days.  The army may still take the cattle at a reduced price but the timber contract is gone and the advance will have to be repaid,” he said quietly.

“We don’t have it, do we?” she said asked, knowing it was true and not really needing an answer.

Ben looked up at her. “No, we don’t. If the army press me for it ….” he stopped speaking and shrugged.

Marie gripped his hand.  “We sell up and start again,” she said firmly.

“I wish it was that simple. Land around here is free to anyone who will homestead it for a year. There is nothing to sell, except maybe some of the equipment and horses and no one to sell to. It isn’t going to make five hundred dollars that’s for sure.” He pushed himself to his feet and took off his jacket.

Adam moved as quietly as he could toward the staircase, he didn’t want to hear this conversation, it was making him feel ill again.

“What will the army do?” Marie asked.

“I don’t know. At the worst they could send me to prison, but my guess is they will simply take everything we have to cover the debt.” He rubbed his hand wearily over his forehead. “Damn, we were so close. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have gambled with money I didn’t have.”

At the foot of the stairs Adam stopped and half turned, his conscience was almost too much for him. Pa was blaming himself and might go to prison and it was all his fault. He swallowed hard and started to speak.  “Pa, I …”

Ben’s head jerked up; he hadn’t seen Adam in the room. “Sorry, son, I didn’t know you were there.  I suppose you heard what happened?”

Adam nodded and started to speak, but suddenly he was scared, he couldn’t do it.  His father wasn’t aware of his part in this, he couldn’t get the words out, the words that would make him a disappointment.  He simply couldn’t face his father with the truth. “Is there anything I can do to help round up the cattle?” he said instead, avoiding looking directly at his father.

“Yes, I’m afraid you’ll have to miss school next week. Jake reckons if we can get every available man to the job we might do it in five to six days.  There’s a chance that the army will accept them a few days late and still pay our price at least that way we’d have enough money to pay off about half the debt.” He turned back to Marie. “I’m going to ride into town tomorrow and see if I can hire any more men.”

Marie looked shocked.  “But how will we pay them?”

He gave her a tired smile. “If it works and the army pays, then I’ll use some of that money. If it doesn’t, then …” he shrugged and shook his head. “It really doesn’t matter whether I go to jail for five hundred or five thousand dollars, does it.”

A sharp knock at the door interrupted the conversation and Marie went to open it.

“Come in, Jake,” she said as the ranch foreman stood in the doorway, nervously twisting his hat in his hands. He looked at Ben then his gaze moved to Adam and in that instant Adam knew why Jake had come to the house. The colour drained from his face, his hands were clammy and he could feel the cold trickle of sweat running down his neck.

“Come in and have a seat, Jake.  Coffee?” Ben offered.

Jake shook his head. “I won’t stop, I got chores to finish,” he said quickly, waving his hand to dismiss the coffee. “You asked me to see if I could find out anything well…” he hesitated.

“Go on, what did you find?” Ben urged getting to his feet.

“Charlie jus’ got back, he saw Rick Bonner ridin’ away right after.”

Adam’s face was drained of all colour and he was gripping the newel post to stop himself from falling.  If Charlie had seen Rick, he must have seen him, too.

“Damn him, I might have known he wouldn’t go quietly,” Ben looked intently at Jake “Something else, Jake?”

Jake nodded and sighed. “He weren’t alone,” he said softly. He looked at Adam almost apologetically but there was no way he was going to cover up for him. “Adam was with him,” he finished.

Both Ben and Marie swung toward Adam in shock, Marie was the first to recover.

“He’s mistaken, Adam’s been here all afternoon. We had an argument and I sent him to his room.  He can’t have been anywhere near the herd.”

 

“There’s no mistake is there son?” Ben said very slowly and quietly. He only had to look at his son to know that Jake was telling the truth.  The boy was shaking and deathly pale.

Adam dropped his eyes to the floor and shook his head slowly. “No, sir. I was there,” his voice was almost inaudible and Ben had to strain to hear him.

“I think you had better go to your room and wait for me.” Ben’s voice was ominously quiet.

Adam glanced up nervously. When Pa spoke quietly like that he was furious. He hesitated for a second and then went quickly up the stairs, desperate to reach his bedroom before he was violently sick again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 38

 

 

Hoss put down his hairbrush and surveyed himself in the mirror: that would do, he looked tidy enough for supper.  It had sure been an exciting day!  He had worked hard this morning and Jose had been full of praise making him feel like a real cowhand.  Then, of course, the stampede had been exciting.  He was sorry it had happened for his father’s sake, but without it there was no way his father would have allowed him to do some of the jobs he had done this afternoon.  He had been treated as a grown‑up by all the men and he felt good.  Pa had even told him what a good worker he was. He couldn’t wait to boast to Adam about his new status.  Adam had never even seen a stampede much less ridden alongside a wild herd the way he had.

He was very hungry and debated sneaking down the backstairs to the kitchen.  He knew that Joe was there with Hop Sing and maybe he could steal a cookie or two before supper.  Then he changed his mind. That was the sort of thing kids did and he wasn’t a kid anymore, he was grown up. Well… almost. He shut his bedroom door quietly; that was grown up, too.  Pa always yelled at him for slamming it.  He had almost made it to the stairs when he was knocked sideways by his older brother rushing towards his bedroom.

“Hey, watch it!” he complained.

“Well, get outta the way then!” Adam snapped as he continued his headlong dash.

Hoss shrugged. What had got into him? He reached the top of the stairs and then hesitated, for below him there were raised voices.

“or God’s sake, Marie, what do you want me to do?  Pat him on the back and say,  Well done ?!”

Hoss could hear that his father was extremely angry and he had no intention of entering the arena until the battle was over. His father had his back to the stairs and Marie was facing him but neither looked up as he ducked back out of sight. He retreated a few steps and continued to listen.

“We’re going to lose everything because of his little schoolboy prank and I…” Ben was shouting.

“Exactly! A schoolboy prank, Marie interrupted. “He had no idea it would stampede the herd, he didn’t mean to do that.”

 

“Well, he should have known. He’s supposed to be intelligent. And he should have known what Rick Bonner was up to. If I’ve told him once I’ve told him a hundred times to stay away from that boy!” Ben stormed.

Marie gave a wry smile. “You were the one who brought Rick here to work. You thrust them together.”

“Oh, so it s my fault now that the herd is lost, is it?  You can turn things around to suit your argument faster than anyone I know!” Ben barked at her.

Marie raised a hand placatingly. “Look, you are letting this get out of hand. He disobeyed you and he deliberately picked an argument with me so that he could do so without getting caught. That I accept and I agree he should be punished, but the business with the firecrackers was a prank. He couldn’t have known what Rick was going to do, he would never have gone along with that.  It was not Adam’s fault the herd stampeded.” She raised her hand again to stop his protest. “If you blame him for this and we lose the ranch, you’ll destroy him.”

Ben sank down on to the sofa and Marie went to him and put her arms around his shoulders.

“Darling, you know what he’s like! You know how much guilt he carries around with him already; don’t give him this, too. If you must blame someone, blame Rick.” She stroked his cheek. “Please… please calm down before you go up there.”

Ben glanced at her, his face still showing real anger. “I don’t care what you say, he’s going to get a whipping he won’t easily forget.” He began to get to his feet but Marie held him down gently.

“I’m not arguing with what you are going to do. I’m asking you to consider why you are doing it. Punish him because he disobeyed you. He’ll punish himself enough for the rest of it.  You know he will,” she finished softly.

Ben dropped his head into his hands. “I’m not much of a father, am I?  Not much of a husband at the moment, either.”

Marie shook her head, a gentle smile on her face. “You and your oldest son are too much alike. You both want to take the cares of the world on your shoulders and you both want to be perfect. I can tell you, you both come pretty close.” She put her hand under his chin and lifted his face for a kiss.

He pushed himself to his feet. “I’d better get it over with.  It s not fair to make him wait when he knows how angry I am.”

Marie nodded and watched him go upstairs.  She gave a deep sigh. She wished she felt better; Ben was going to need all her support if things were as bad as he feared.  Adam would, too.

At the top of the stairs, Hoss turned quickly and disappeared down the back staircase to the kitchen, glad he wasn’t in Adam’s place at this moment.

 

 

When he closed his door behind him, Adam wished he could shut out the world.  Never in his whole life had he wished that he could undo an act as much as he wanted to undo this one.  He thought of Joe’s picture books, where a magician would wave a wand and alter events.  Well, there was no magician and nothing would change what he had done.  His stomach rebelled again but there was nothing left in it and all he felt was a bitter taste in his mouth.  He should have known what was going to happen, he just didn’t think.  Oh, Pa, would really love that.  How many times had he repeated that phrase?

He walked over to the window and looked out across to the mountains.  Because of his stupidity they would lose all this. He would not be able to look at this view or ride in those mountains knowing he was on his own land.  If they moved away, he wouldn’t be able to go to the Lake or go to school in Johntown.  It had been such a simple act, but with such terrifying consequences.   What if Pa really did go to jail?  How would they survive?  He wasn’t like Rick; he couldn’t look after his stepmother and brothers the way Rick did.  Thinking of Rick made him feel stupid;  how could he have been fooled so easily?  Jake was right;  Rick was a cheat and a thief and he should never have listened to him.  Worst of all, Pa would never forgive him.  As he turned from the window he caught sight of his mother’s picture on his desk and it seemed as if she was blaming him, too.  Pa’s dream would be gone; his mother’s dream and Inger’s dream too.  He put his hand to his cheek and brushed away a tear.

He turned around as he heard footsteps in the hallway and he was facing the door when it opened to admit his father.  He swallowed hard;  Pa didn’t look any less angry now than when he had sent him upstairs.  He tried to look at his father, but he couldn’t do it.  His head dropped and he stared at his feet.

Ben closed the door purposefully behind him, standing with his arms folded. “I think you have some explaining to do,” he said very quietly.

“I didn’t mean to stampede the herd,” Adam replied in a breathless whisper. “It was Rick.”

Ben nodded slowly as if he understood what Adam was trying to do. “Don’t think blaming someone else excuses your actions for one moment, young man,” he said severely.  “Now, let’s start at the beginning. Did you deliberately provoke Marie into sending you to your room?”

Adam felt his stomach start to churn again as he nodded.  “Y…Yes s… sir,” he stuttered

“And you did that so you could disobey me and leave the yard without anyone knowing, isn’t that right?” Ben went on.

Again Adam nodded.

“I didn’t hear you,” Ben pushed angrily for a response.

“Yes, sir.” Adam’s voice shook a little and he studied the rug at his feet.

“Whose firecrackers were they?”

Adam closed his eyes; he wished this inquisition would stop. Every question and answer was making him feel guiltier. “They were mine,” he said softly. “The ones you gave me and Hoss.”

Ben’s voice suddenly became harsher.  “Did you know what Rick planned to do?”

 

Adam’s head snapped up and he looked directly at his father for the first time since he had entered the room. “No, sir!  I thought he was only gonna scare Charlie.  I wouldn’ta done it if I’d thought it would upset the herd.”

Ben pursed his lips. “Well, that’s something in your favour. Not very much, I might say. You’ve spent half your life around livestock and you didn’t think a loud noise would worry the cattle?”

Adam shook his head sadly. “I guess I didn’t think.” He knew this would anger his father but it was the truth and he very much wanted to be honest. He had never felt so wretched.  Pa was angry with him but, more than that, he was disappointed with him.

Ben shook his head and drew in a deep breath. “When are you going to be more responsible Adam?”

Adam figured Pa didn’t expect an answer and he waited in silence.  He was pretty sure he knew what was coming next and he was right.  As he glanced up he saw his father begin to unbuckle his belt and he bit his lip.  Pa looked real angry.

Ben caught hold of his arm and turned him around. “I don’t like punishing you this way but I’ve tried confining you to the yard and you simply defy me. You leave me no choice.”

By the time his father had finished Adam was sobbing.  He had tried hard not to, but it hurt too much.  Somehow, though, he felt better;  he knew he had deserved this. In fact, he felt he had deserved much more.  Pa hadn’t mentioned the army contract or the worries about the ranch but Adam knew it would be his fault if his worst fears came true.  He stood rigidly beside his father, struggling to keep his hands at his sides.

“I think you had better get ready for bed,” Ben said gruffly as he re‑buckled his belt. “I’ll come up and speak to you again after supper.”

Adam nodded.  He hoped he wasn’t expected to speak because he wasn’t sure he could.   The minute the door closed behind his father, he threw himself on the bed and gave in to his tears.

 

Marie cleared away the supper dishes and glanced across at her husband. “He ought to have some supper, he must be hungry,” she said quietly.

Ben looked up from his chair where he was struggling to light his pipe. “I doubt he’ll eat it.”

Marie picked up a clean plate and began to fill it with food. “I’ll take something up anyway.”

She filled a glass with milk and picked up the plate. Hoss and Little Joe were playing soldiers on the floor beside the table and she had to negotiate her way through the opposing armies as she made for the staircase.  Balancing the glass on the edge of the plate she knocked on her stepson’s door and pushed it open. There was no lamp burning and the setting sun wasn’t enough to give adequate light to the room. In the semi‑darkness she could see that Adam was curled up on his side on the bed.

“Adam, I’ve brought you some supper,” she called softly.

 

There was no movement or answer, so she set the plate and glass down on the table and put her hand to his shoulder. She felt him tense at her touch. So he isn’t asleep, she thought.

“Adam.”

She heard a sniff then a croaky voice. “Leave me alone.” It was almost a sob.

Gently she tried to make him turn towards her but he resisted her strongly. “You must eat something.”

“I don’t want it. Please… leave me alone.” This time there was a definite catch in his voice and she could tell that if she persisted he would cry.  She had no wish to embarrass him and so she patted his shoulder and moved toward the door. “I’ll leave the plate in case you change your mind.  Try to drink the milk, at least.”

Adam heard the door close and he let out the breath he had been holding with a sob.  He was too old to cry, especially in front of Marie.  He waited until he heard her footsteps die away then he eased himself over to the side of the bed and picked up the milk.  He wasn’t hungry but the milk tasted good.

He wiped his eyes on his shirt sleeve and took deep breaths trying to get himself under control.  He heard Joe and Hoss racing along the hallway to Joe’s room and then his father’s measured tread. They must be going to bed and Pa was going to read them a story.  He sighed. That meant he wouldn’t be alone much longer. Pa would come back, as he had promised,  when the two younger ones were safely tucked in.

Even though he was expecting it the sound of his door opening startled him. He went to sit up, then thought better of it and got to his feet in one swift movement. He stood respectfully by his bed not wishing to anger his father any more than he had already. Ben crossed into the darkened room with the lamp from the hallway and set it down on the table.

“I expected you to be in bed by now,” Ben said sharply.

Adam bit his lip. He had forgotten that instruction but didn’t think it wise to put it quite that way. He glanced at his father then back at the floor.

“I hope you’ve had time to think over exactly what you did today. It s a pity you don’t think a bit longer before you do things.”

Adam was a little upset at this suggestion. He had thought! He had planned in meticulous detail. It wasn’t his fault that Rick had changed the plan. He looked up at his father and tried to explain.

“I did think, Pa.  I didn’t mean for the herd to stampede, that was Rick’s doing, and I’m truly sorry it happened,” he said quietly.

Ben sighed. “Yes, you thought about how not to get caught, not about what might happen.”

Adam shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other; how did Pa know that was what he had been thinking?  Ben reached out and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Son, everything we do has a consequence. Every time we make a decision, we have to think it through. Listen to me a moment, I want to explain something to you.” He looked directly at Adam and waited until Adam looked at him.

 

“I know you didn’t mean to stampede the herd, but your actions made it happen.” Ben looked down at his hands for a moment gathering his thoughts. “You chose to disobey me and to meet with Rick, even though you knew it was wrong. At that point you were in control of your actions, no one else. You chose to go along with Rick’s idea of scaring Charlie, even supplying the firecrackers. You didn’t think beyond that one decision each time, did you?”

Adam knew his father wasn’t expecting an answer but every word he was hearing was making him feel worse. It hadn’t seemed so awful at the time.

“But when you handed over those firecrackers you lost control of the situation. It was no longer your decision. You allowed someone else to dictate to you, and even when it was wrong there was nothing you could do to stop it, you had let it go too far. Once you start down a road of wrong-doing it’s very hard to turn back, son.” He put his hand under Adam’s chin and made him look at him. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Adam swallowed hard. It was so difficult to look his father in the eye after what he had done! “Yes, sir. I think so.”

Ben released him and nodded slowly. “Then we’ll say no more about it. Now, you’d better do as I said before and get to bed. We’ve got a lot of work ahead of us tomorrow.  Goodnight.”

“Night, Pa,” Adam replied quietly.

Ben had his hand on the door knob when Adam spoke again.

“Pa… will we lose the ranch?” His voice was very shaky and he was desperately seeking reassurance.

It was a reassurance Ben could not give. He turned around. “I don’t know son, I hope not,” he said sadly as he closed the door.

 

Marie yawned and rested her hand on the table. She felt awful this morning, lack of sleep and her general weakness were taking a terrible toll. Joe had awakened several times in the night and despite repeated scoldings had continued to get out of bed and come to her.  Finally her tiredness had won and she had smacked him. He had stayed in his own bed after that but she had felt so guilty that sleep had still eluded her. He was now sitting at the table looking miserable while he waited for his breakfast.  She looked up as Ben came in from the yard with Hoss.

“We’re already to leave. I’m taking Hoss with me again. He was a great help yesterday.  Jose says he’s getting to be a true vaquero.” Ben smiled at his son and put an arm around his shoulders.

Adam had followed them through the door and he heard his father’s words and saw the gesture. He swallowed hard and tried to ignore them. Pa’s praise of Hoss only made him feel more depressed. He wondered what Pa was going to give him to do today? Yard chores, most likely.  The ones he hated.  It was his own fault he couldn’t ride with them to the herd, or what was left of it, but that didn’t make it any easier to bear. He slid gingerly into his chair; if a chair was painful, a saddle was out of the question.

 

Marie seated herself beside Little Joe and began the morning ritual of persuading him to eat.  He was sulking and it took every ounce of her patience not to shout at him as he played with his oatmeal and blew bubbles in his milk. She tried to keep her temper, knowing that any reprimand would only make him worse.

“Are you going to get some more men?” she asked looking across at Ben.

“I was going to, but Jake has a better idea and one that won’t cost as much.” He took some bread before continuing and poured himself coffee. “We have five or six men doing other jobs that we can call in. There’re Will and George working on the lumber road… Well, we won’t need that without the contract… and young Andy here in the yard. Then there are Al and Johnny riding the north boundary line. If we call them in we’ll be able to keep the cattle we have penned down while we look for the stragglers,” Ben explained.

Marie moved back rapidly as Joe’s milk went all over the table. “Oh, Joe, you are a naughty boy”’ she sighed.

Ben got to his feet and swung Joe out of his chair.” ‘You come and sit with me, young man, and behave yourself or you’ll go back to bed.” He sat down again with Joe on his knee and holding Joe with one hand he tried to eat his breakfast.

Joe struggled but he was held firmly and finally he gave up the wriggling and tried tears but his father ignored them.

Marie mopped up the milk with a napkin and shook her head wearily. “It’s going to be a bad day, I can feel it.” She looked across at Adam and smiled. “At least I’ll have Adam to help with the chores.”

Ben put down his fork and lifted his napkin to wipe his mouth. “Sorry, but I need Adam to run an errand for me.”

Marie was surprised but not half as surprised as her stepson. What could Pa mean, run an errand? To where?

“I thought he would be here with me. Hop Sing’s driving the chuck wagon and  I could do with some help.” Marie was almost in tears as the thought of being left completely alone overwhelmed her.

Ben could see how upset she was but there was no way around it, he needed everyone and the domestic chores could wait. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but someone has to ride up to the north boundary and deliver a letter so that Al and Johnny come on down to the meadows as soon as they get back to the line shack and I don’t have anyone to spare except Adam.”

Adam’s mouth dropped open. Pa couldn’t mean that! The north boundary line shack was almost three hours ride, that would be most of the day in the saddle. Surely Pa hadn’t forgotten the hiding he had given him last night?  “But Pa…” he began.

“I’m sorry, Adam, but I need those men and I don’t have anyone else.  Since you were involved in losing the cattle, you can help solve the problem,” Ben said firmly. He got to his feet putting Joe down into his chair. “I’ll write Al a note and I want you to leave right away.”

Adam looked down at the tablecloth and toyed with his fork, he knew it would do no good to argue.  He couldn’t imagine how he was going to make that ride.

 

Marie began to clear the dishes, smiling as Hoss emptied each one of food before she reached it. She wasn’t smiling when she looked back at Joe. He had picked up his father’s coffee cup which was still half full and attempted to drink from it, most of the coffee was now down his shirt front and on the tablecloth.

“Oh, Joseph!” she sighed, too tired to be angry.  She put the crockery down and lifted him up. “I suppose I’ll have to change your clothes before I do anything else.”

Ben had returned from his desk with an envelope which he gave to Adam. “If Al and Johnny aren’t there, make sure you leave this where Al will see it when they get back. Come on, Hoss, we’d better be going.” He reached across and ruffled Joe’s hair. “And you try to be a good boy for your mother.” He kissed Marie swiftly and headed for the door before she could protest at being left alone.

Adam watched his father’s treatment of Joe and his resentment of his little brother grew. Joe got away with everything just because he was the youngest; it wasn’t fair. If he or Hoss had misbehaved at the table the way Joe had this morning, they would have been punished.  He waited until his father had gone before he left the table.  He gave Marie a sad smile and began to help her with the dishes.

“You don’t have to do this,” Marie said quietly. “I can manage.”

Adam gave her a rueful grin. “Just trying to put off that ride, I guess.”

“The sooner you go, the sooner you ll get back. If I can get Joe to co‑operate, we’ll bake cookies for tonight.” She put her arm around his shoulder and gave him a squeeze. “It’ll be alright. Once the men get working together, they’ll find the cattle, you’ll see.”

He gave a deep sigh and a shrug.

She looked after him as he went out in to the yard. She wished there was something she could say to make him feel better, as she had predicted he was blaming himself and she dreaded to think what would happen to him if they really did lose the ranch. Even in her worst nightmares she never believed that Ben would go to jail that was too terrible to contemplate.

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 39

 

Ben leaned over the side of the chair and gently planted a kiss on his sleeping wife.  She must have had a hard day, it wasn’t like her to fall asleep in the afternoon. He wondered where Joe was, probably with his big brother but he hadn’t seen them.

Marie awoke with a start.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you, but you looked so beautiful,” Ben said softly, brushing her hair with his hand.

Marie pushed herself to her feet in embarrassment. “I only sat down for a minute.  I must have fallen asleep. Is it really that late? I haven’t even started supper.” She spoke hurriedly and began to move toward the kitchen.

Ben caught her arm and pulled her towards him, giving her a hug. “Hey, calm down.  The world won’t end because supper’s late. Hoss is helping Jake put up the horses. The three of us came back to check on you and take some fresh horses back up to the camp.” He continued to hold her close, enjoying the scent of her hair and the soft touch of her skin.  “Adam can cope with the yard chores. I didn’t see him when I came in. Has he started on them yet?” he asked releasing her at last, dropping into a chair.

“He’s not back yet as far as I know. It’s quite a ride.” Marie replied, now moving purposefully toward the kitchen.

Ben sighed and got up again to follow her. He leaned against the table and watched as she began tying on a pinafore. “It can’t have taken that long. I hope he hasn’t run into any trouble, I’ve got enough of that as it is.  But at least we’re doing better than I expected. It’s still going to take at least five or six days. We’ll go back first thing in the morning.”  He saw Marie brush her hand across her forehead. “Was it a really bad day? Little Joe wasn’t in the best of moods this morning, I know.  By the way, where is the little rascal?”

Marie turned around and raised her eyebrows. “In his room getting over his hundredth tantrum of the day and a smack.  Among other things he’s done today, he put blacking all over his face and clothes.  It took me an hour to get him clean and he shut the cat in the wood box.”  She sighed. I don’t know what to do with him. I no sooner deal with one piece of mischief  than he’s into something else. Talking to him or punishing him has almost no effect. He’s forgotten it ten minutes later and these tantrums are getting worse.”

Ben couldn’t help smiling, but he could see that Marie no longer found it funny. “I’ll have a little talk with him, but he’s only a baby. You can’t expect him to understand.”

“Were Hoss and Adam this bad?” she snapped.

“Well… no, but all children are different. He’s just livelier than most.”

 

“Oh, Ben, you spoil him,” Marie said, shaking her head in despair. “Since you think it’s just surplus energy, you go and fetch him and get him cleaned up, I haven’t the patience tonight. And I’ll get supper.”

 

Half an hour later Ben was inclined to agree with Marie’s assessment of their young son.  Even shut in his room Joe had managed to create havoc, every possession he had was strewn around the floor. In the midst of the chaos Joe sat with an angelic smile on his face, one of Adam’s schoolbooks open in front of him now covered in a pencilled work of art. Ben had cleared up and made an attempt to restore the book to its original pristine state but it was an impossible task.  He tried to be cross with Joe but the curls and the smile were too much; he was only a baby, after all.

“Come on, young man, let s see if we can get through supper without you getting into any more trouble,” Ben said lifting his baby son up into his arms and giving him a hug. “Try and be good for your Mama, please.”

Joe grinned. “I sorry, I be good.”

Ben shook his head.  How could he be angry when Joe was giving him that smile?  He carried him down the stairs and set him in his chair at the table.  Joe was a charmer and if he continued to be then he would get through life on that alone. No one would be able to resist him. Maybe he should be stricter with him, but the time for that would come. For now it was just mischief.

 

There was still no sign of Adam when Hoss joined them and they sat down to supper.

“I really helped today, didn’t I Pa?” Hoss asked hopefully. He had enjoyed every minute of his day and wanted to be assured that he had done a good job.

Ben smiled absently. “Yes, you did, son.  I’m proud of you.”

Hoss basked in his father’s praise and didn’t notice that he kept glancing a the door.

Marie noticed the look and frowned as she put his plate in front of him and turned to help Joe with his meal.  Ben had looked at the clock several times and peered out into the yard and now he was fidgeting with worry.  She knew that if Adam didn’t arrive soon with a very good excuse for his lateness that worry would turn to anger. They were about halfway through the meal when the door opened and Adam trudged in looking pale and very tired as he threw his hat and jacket on to the settee. Ben was on his feet instantly and he moved around the table to confront his son.

“Where on earth have you been ’til this hour?” he asked furiously, his hands resting on his hips. As Marie had feared, now that there was no need to think of Adam’s safety the worry had turn to anger.

Adam was taken aback. He was hungry and tired. The ride to the line shack had been painful and riding back had been just too much. He had walked most of the way.  He couldn’t understand his father’s anger. Surely he must know why it had taken so long? The injustice of the situation was the last straw and he spoke without thinking.

“I’ve been delivering your message to the line shack like you told me this morning,” he said irritably. “Where d’you think I’ve been?” He lifted his eyes to his father’s face and stared at him defiantly.

Marie closed her eyes in silent prayer: Please don’t let him say anymore.

Ben’s face flushed with anger. “How dare you speak to me in that tone?  It doesn’t take all day to travel to the north boundary,” he said sharply.

“Does if you have to walk!” Adam snapped back angrily.

“Go to your room,” Ben said through clenched teeth as he tried to control his temper.  “If you can’t be civil, I don’t want you at the table.”

Adam looked at him in horror. This couldn’t be happening! He was starving. He had forgotten to take any food with him and there was nothing to eat at the line shack unless he stopped to cook it. He had been looking forward to a meal for the past two hours. It was the one thing that had kept him going when his feet ached and he felt ready to drop.

“That’s not fair!” he shouted at his father, throwing caution to the winds. “You’re never fair to me, but he can get away with anything,” he yelled, pointing at Joe who was stirring his food up with his spoon into a glorious mess which was spilling on to the tablecloth.

Marie had been so pre-occupied with the argument that she hadn’t noticed the antics of her youngest son.  She took the spoon away from him and began to feed him with it.

Ben was beyond anger now and it didn’t help that Adam had made a valid point: he was too lenient with Joe. He indicated the staircase. “You’ve got one minute to get up those stairs to your room, young man. And do it without another word unless you want a repeat of last night’s lesson.”

His voice was low and quiet and Adam knew he meant every word.  He bit his lip and hesitated for just a second, but when his father moved toward him, he fled.

 

All day Adam’s anger had been mounting. Yesterday he had accepted his punishment as just and he had been very sorry. Today, his only sorrow was for himself. He felt his father had been unfair in sending him to the line shack and coming home to more trouble for being late had reinforced that opinion. He was tired and hungry and he ached all over. In his temper he threw himself face down on the bed and kicked at the end of it with his boots.

“Isn’t that rather childish?” asked a sharp voice behind him.

He looked up to see Marie standing at the door with a tray. In his anger he hadn’t heard the door open.

She set the tray down on the table and surveyed him critically. “I’m getting rather tired of serving your meals up here. Why don’t you think before you speak? Maybe your father is right and I should let you go without.”

“I didn’t ask you to bring it,” he said rudely.

Suddenly he felt himself being hauled unceremoniously to his feet by his arm. Marie was as tired and short-tempered as her husband and all the frustrations of the day tumbled out.

“I’ve had enough of this! For nearly four years you’ve treated me like some unpaid servant, when you bother to speak to me at all. You are insolent and sullen and you cause trouble for me whenever you can. I foolishly thought I could get through to you by being a friend by giving in to you and taking your side, but I’m beginning to see how wrong I was.”  She released his arm with a shake.

Adam simply glared at her. “You aren’t my friend, and you aren’t my mother,” he snarled.

Marie’s eyes lightened and flashed at him. “No, and you had better thank God I’m not your mother, because if I was you’d have had more than one thrashing from me.” She stepped closer to him and fixed him with a glare. “Your father has told me a great deal about your mother and I can tell you this: she’d be ashamed of you right now. With all the worries your father has you give him more.”

Adam flushed that remark had hit home and he knew she was right.

“Oh, I don’t mean about the herd, that was just foolishness,” she went on. “I mean the way you speak to him and the way you defy him. Stop acting like a small child, Adam. Grow up.”

Adam stared at the floor and rubbed his boot toe on the rug. “It don’t matter what I do, he’s always mad at me. He never gets angry with Hoss or Little Joe.”

Marie’s anger evaporated as quickly as it had arisen. He looked so young and vulnerable, so much like Joe, too. “Jealously is an awful emotion to have, Adam. It eats away at you. You know you’re wrong, don’t you? Your father loves you all equally… maybe he expects more of you because you re the oldest and maybe he spoils Joe a little because he’s the baby, but never doubt that he loves you all.”

Adam dropped down on to the bed again and, wincing, he rolled over on to his stomach burying his head in the pillow. “It s not true,” he murmured, his voice muffled and with the beginnings of a sob.

Marie sat on the edge of the bed and stroked his dark hair. “Oh, yes, it is. Your father loves you and he’s proud of you. And whether you believe it or not, he only wants what is best for you.  He is trying to bring you up the best way he knows how, to be a man to be proud of, too.  If you’d stop fighting him, you’d see that.”

Adam rolled onto his side and looked up at her. “You really think he’ll forgive me for what I did”’ he asked doubtfully.

Marie nodded.  “He already has. He’s moved on to solving the problem, not worrying about the cause and that’s what you have to do, too”’

“But what can I do?” he frowned at her, not understanding what she wanted of him.

Marie reached out and pulled him towards her. “Be helpful, co-operate, do as you are told without arguing. All those things will show him that you want to help.”

She gave him a hug and was surprised to feel him return the gesture. For a moment Adam relaxed and enjoyed a motherly cuddle but then the emotions that he had felt before when he was close to her returned and he pushed her away awkwardly. He could feel his face growing warm and he was embarrassed that she might notice. He didn’t know why he couldn’t get close to her but these feelings always got in the way.

 

Marie sighed. Obviously, she wasn’t going to succeed so easily. “Eat your supper and things will seem better in the morning,” she said softly.

Adam waited until she left the room before wolfing down every scrap on the plate.  When he was finished he began to pace around the room like a caged tiger.  There had to be a way to help Pa, something he could do to put things right. Well, he’d proved today that he wasn’t going to be much help on horseback rounding up cattle, so it had to be something else.

Finally he took a piece of paper from his desk, picked up his pen and ink and began to write.  He wasn’t sure how he would get the letter delivered but he’d find a way.

 

The days flew by for Ben. He worked from before dawn until well after dusk as did most of his men and finally the herd was ready to move. He set Jose and Jake to begin the drive while he rode back the ranch for a quick goodbye to Marie and the boys.

“Take him with you, Ben. Please?” Her eyes held his with an intense plea. “He needs to know that you’ve forgiven him, he needs to do something to help.”

Ben nodded. “I know, but you need him here to look after the stock. I can’t afford to leave anyone else. He is helping by doing that.”

“I’m not sure he will see it that way,” she said sadly.

He gathered her into his arms and hugged her. “It will be alright. Even if the army only pay a little, I can start again. I just need enough to clear the debt. I’ll be back as quickly as I can.”

The door burst open and the three boys tumbled in. “Your horse is ready, Pa,” Hoss said proudly. He had enjoyed the last few days working with the men. He wished he was going on the drive but he knew he was too young and he accepted Pa’s decision.

Ben stepped away from Marie and buttoned his coat, then bent down to Joe’s level.

Joe raced into his father’s arms and gave him a hug. Ben ruffled his hair. “You be a good boy for Mama and I’ll see if the Fort has some candy for you.”

Marie frowned. It was wrong to try to bribe him, but she said nothing. When things were back to normal she would have a word with Ben about being a little more even handed with his praise and his reprimands. She could almost feel Adam’s resentment as he stood beside her.

Ben set Joe down again and gave Hoss a hug, too. “I’ll be back soon, and thank you for all your hard work. Jose says you can ride with him anytime.”

He slowly let go of Hoss and hesitated.  Should he give Adam a hug, or would the boy push him away? He didn’t want to leave with any unpleasantness between them. He compromised by putting an arm on his oldest son’s shoulders. “Take care of them for me, son.”

Adam blushed and shrugged. “Yes, sir.”

At least he had made that gesture, Marie thought, but a hug would have been so much more effective.

Adam would have liked to go along but he knew there was no point in asking.  Pa still hadn’t forgiven him and wouldn’t trust him near the herd.  For once he wished Pa would hug him, too.   His only hope of putting things right lay in the letter, now resting safely with Jake.

Ben bit his lip.  It was so tempting to take Adam with him, to show that all was forgotten but the needs of Marie and the ranch must come first this time.  There would be time to sort this out when he got back.

“I know you’ll do a good job, son,” he said, hoping that was enough for now.

He rode off slowly and at the corner of the barn he turned to look back.  Adam had lifted Joe into his arms and Marie had an arm around each of the older boys.  It was a family picture and it reminded him of why he was making this drive and what was important to him.

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 40

 

 

Marie allowed her needlework to drop into her lap as she stared unseeing into the fire.  It wasn’t cold tonight, but now and again a down draft from the chimney would push the smoke into the room and remind her that winter was coming.  She wondered how her husband was managing with the herd. He should be home soon and she prayed it would be with good news. She turned her attention to her sons. Joe was seated at her feet playing with his soldiers.  Hoss had been playing, too, but the they had fallen out and to avoid yet another fight she had separated them. Hoss was now sulking at the coffee table pushing checkers around the board in a game against himself.  She glanced across at her oldest stepson.  He was reading, as usual, and had curled up with his feet tucked under him.

“Put your feet on the floor, Adam,” she said automatically.

Adam uncoiled his long frame and dropped his feet without even lifting his eyes from the book. He had been well-behaved this last week, all the chores done and no complaints at least none to her. He had been late home from school a few times but he had more than made up for it and she had said nothing. She had met Alice Marquette the day before yesterday and Alice had confided that she had seen Adam walking Caroline home which explained his lateness.

Marie studied him for a moment. He would be fifteen in a few weeks, growing up fast, too fast for Ben. She wondered how much Ben had told him about girls? There certainly hadn’t been many around to prompt the conversation. Maybe she should say something. She had noticed how he shied away from contact with her more and more recently, and she was wise enough to know that he had feelings for her that weren’t entirely compatible with her role as a stepmother. She had deliberately backed off from her guitar lessons when she realised his feelings were going in that direction, but he seemed to have mastered the instrument without further instruction.

He was an extremely handsome young man and would no doubt turn heads and captivate young ladies with ease. She smiled to herself; being a stepmother rather than his mother gave her the opportunity to think that without any bias. She looked back at the other two boys. They were so different. Hoss had a simple appeal, he was kind and caring and if he grew to manhood with that character any girl he loved would be the luckiest girl on earth because he would give all his love unconditionally. Her baby was a charmer. That smile and those curls would win him any girl he chose, of that she was sure. Adam was different, deep and unfathomable. She hoped that when he really gave his heart the recipient would take great care of it, because he would not give it lightly.

She got up from her chair placing the sewing carefully out of Joe’s reach and picked up the guitar.  She began to strum on it idly, slowly picking out a tune as she sat down again.  Joe and Hoss immediately stopped playing with their toys and move closer to her.  She waited for Adam to look up. “Why don’t you play for us. I haven’t heard you for a long time, lets see if you’ve improved.” she held out the guitar.

Adam was about to shake his head but he did want to play. He took the guitar from her and rested his foot on the table with an apologetic smile.

Marie nodded. “Okay, but just while you play.”

She pulled Joe on to her knee and cuddled him close, leaning back and losing herself in the music. He really was very good.

Adam soon became lost in the world of music and he was not aware of his stepmother’s scrutiny. If he had been it would have embarrassed him. He played for a while but finally his fingers tired and he put down the instrument and shook his head.

“That’s enough for tonight.” He pointed at his baby brother who was almost asleep.  “Do you want me to put him to bed?”

Marie nodded. “Thank you. You play very well now. Why don’t you offer to play at school?  I’m sure the other children would enjoy your music.”

He shook his head vigorously in alarm. “No, I couldn’t do that.” He lifted Joe up into his arms and started for the stairs.

“Then we’ll have a birthday party for you and you can play for your friends then. I want to show you off for once. What’s the point in having a talented son if I can’t boast about him?”

Adam frowned. “Do we have to? I don’t like parties, they’re for kids.”

Marie smiled. “How about a grown up party with music and dancing? We could clear this room and you could invite your school friends and even their parents and make it a proper evening party.”

Adam looked thoughtful. “What if Pa doesn’t get the contract? He wouldn’t want a party then.”

“Your birthday is still a way off. I think I could talk him around by then whatever happens. That’s if you think its a good idea?” Marie could see that he was wavering, the idea of an evening party was much more adult.

“Yeah, okay then,” he said grudgingly.

Marie hid her smile. He was obviously not going to let her know that she had hit the right spot with this idea.

 

It was late afternoon of the next day when Marie heard the sound of horses and laughter in the yard. Could it be Ben and the men back so soon? If it was they sounded happy. She leaned back from peeling the vegetables for supper and wiped her hands on a towel. She lifted Joe from his seat on the table to the floor. Then she rushed to the door with Joe at her heels. Ben had just dismounted and was handing Buck’s reins to Jake. The other men were busy with their own horses laughing and joking with each other. For a second her eyes met Ben’s and he was smiling.

She flew across the yard and threw her arms around him, heedless of the crowd around him. He picked her up and swung her around, kissing her as he did so.

“It s going to be alright! We got the contract and the full price for the herd!” he almost yelled at the top of his voice.

She shook her head laughing in her joy at his words. “Why? What did you do to Colonel Brogan? ‘

He set her down and looked at her fondly. “Not what I did, it was what you and a certain other person did, wasn’t it?” He bent to swing Joe up into his arms.  Marie smiled but looked puzzled at the same time. She knew she had sent a letter to Colonel Brogan but who else had done anything?

“Don’t pretend.  He showed me both letters.  He said to tell you he never could resist a plea from a beautiful woman. He said you deserved to have some luxuries in your life and he told me I had to buy you a present because I had a wonderful family.”

Marie laughed. “Now that’s a man I can do business with. But what other letter are you talking about?”

Ben took her arm and led her inside. “You didn’t know Adam had written to Brogan?”

Marie shook her head. “He never said a word.”

“Well, he gave a letter to Jake and swore him to secrecy until it was delivered.  Colonel Brogan was most impressed. He said not many youngsters would take the blame for their actions the way he did and not many would write to try to put the record straight. Is he inside?”

Marie nodded. “Yes, he’s doing his homework.” She caught Ben’s arm. “Don’t tell him about my letter. Let him think it was all his doing. He needs to feel he’s put things right.”

Ben smiled at her. “Anyone ever tell you how wonderful you are?”

“Not often enough,” she grinned.

Ben opened the oak door and setting Joe down removed his coat, he had barely had time to hang it up when both Hoss and Adam descended on him.

“Well, with a welcome like that, it s good to be back,” he said as he ruffled Hoss’ hair and put an arm around Adam’s shoulders.

“What happened Pa?” Adam asked anxiously, his dark eyes searching his father’s face for some clue.

Ben gave him a gentle smile and a hug. “It’s going to be fine. We got the price and the contract. Why didn’t you tell me you had written to Colonel Brogan?” he asked softly.

Adam shrugged. “I didn’t think it would do any good,” he said, embarrassed at being the centre of attention.

Ben led him to the sofa and sat down beside him. “It was a beautiful letter, Adam.  Colonel Brogan was impressed. He told me he wished he had a son who cared that much about his family.” Ben looked up at Marie.  “Adam explained to the Colonel all about the work we had all put in to getting the herd ready and then how they came to be scattered.  He explained how important the contract was to us and how we would complete on the timber contract and ask him to trust us.” He put an arm around Adam’s shoulders again and squeezed. “Without that letter we wouldn’t have stood chance. Brogan was ready to give the contract to someone from Oregon. Thank you, son.”

Adam felt a warm glow spread through him. It was going to be alright! They wouldn’t have to move away and, most of all, Pa had forgiven him.

Marie smiled at them both. It made her feel good to know that the two of them were close again.  She waited until the boys were in bed and then curled herself up on Ben’s knee.

“I don’t suppose Colonel Brogan gave you that letter did he?” she said softly.

Ben smiled. “I asked him for it. It’s something I’d like to keep.” He reached into his shirt pocket and drew out a sheet of paper. “Here, read it.”

 

Ponderosa Ranch

Nevada

 

Dear Colonel Brogan

 

I have asked my Pa’s foreman to give you this. My Pa knows nothing about it.  I wanted you to know and understand why the delivery is late.

My Pa works awful hard and he and all his ranch hands have been trying very hard to make sure the herd got to you on time. I won’t need to tell you that it is the best beef in the country because you will be able to judge that for yourself. It is my fault that it is late, not my Pa’s. He had them all ready to move and they would have got to you before the deadline if it hadn’t been for me and another boy.  

Rick’s Pa stole cattle from us and he went to jail and my Pa’s been looking after his family. Rick was working for Pa but he wanted to get revenge I guess. He tricked me into setting off some firecrackers around the herd and they stampeded. It has taken my Pa the best part of a week to round them up again ready to move.  I’m not blaming Rick, because I should have thought about what I was doing, it was my fault and no one else’s

Please don’t take the contract away from Pa for something that I did. It wasn’t his fault and he works awful hard to look after me and my brothers. He’s had a lot of bad things happen in his life and this ranch is his dream, it means a lot to him. If you take away the contract we will lose the ranch and all his work will have been for nothing. If you give him the contract I know he will deliver the lumber that you need and he’ll do it on time, too.

He is the best Pa in the world and I love him very much and I don’t want something I did to hurt him and my family. So if you could see your way clear to give him the contract I know you wouldn’t regret it.

 

Yours sincerely

Adam Cartwright

 

Marie carefully folded the letter and handed it back to him.  “He never ceases to amaze me. He never said a word about it while you were gone. He really is growing up. I suggested that we had a party for his birthday this year, what do you think?”

“We had one last year, why not?” Ben replied.

“No, I don’t mean a children’s party. He’s going to be fifteen. I mean an evening party with music and dancing.” Marie traced her finger down Ben’s cheek. “We could invite the neighbours and his school friends too”

Ben raised an eyebrow. “You’re scheming. I know the look.”

“No, not really. I think he needs to feel that he’s growing up.”

“And what did he say to your idea?”

“Well, he seemed to like the idea. I mean he never shows enthusiasm or at least not to me or my suggestions.” She leaned down and kissed him. “So can we have the party?”

Ben shook his head. “Do I have a choice?”

Marie grinned and kissed him again. “I knew you’d like the idea.”

 

Marie stood by the fireplace tapping her foot to the music. It was a wonderful party.  She had even managed to persuade Adam to play the guitar. Not her old one but a brand new one that she had sent for all the way to New York and had been terrified that it wouldn’t arrive in time. The expression on his face as he realised what she had given him was worth the sale of some of her jewellery.  Slowly but surely, the barriers between them were breaking down. She glanced around the room at all their friends and neighbours.  In three years she had made few friends most of these were Ben’s friends or close neighbours. She wished the women folk would include her more in their conversations but most of them seemed to disapprove of her.  She had spent most of the evening dancing with their menfolk and chatting to Chad Hammond and Jake, neither occupation designed to endear her to her female guests.   Ben was talking business with Paul Marquette and she looked around for her stepsons.  Hoss was sitting on the bottom step of the staircase with Jenny for company and Marie was glad she had invited the little girl and her mother although most folk had avoided them too.

She had to search a while for Adam but eventually she spotted him by his father’s desk deep in conversation with Ross. Her eyes wandered across the room until she spotted Caroline and another girl whispering to each other.  Adam had danced a couple of dances with older neighbours more out of politeness than anything else, she felt. She had to find a way to encourage him to dance with girls his own age.  She moved across to him.

“Now I haven’t had a dance with either of you yet,” she interrupted. “Come on, Adam, you first and I’ll come back for Ross later.”

Both boys screwed up their noses in disgust. “Aw, Mrs Cartwright, I ain’t no good at dancing,” Ross complained.

“Then you can learn,” she smiled, taking Adam’s arm and moving him into the dancers.

Adam put his arm around her and the sensations he had felt before when he hugged her came back to him. After a few minutes he began to relax and it was rather pleasant to smell her perfume and feel her hair brush his cheek.

“Now, why aren’t you dancing with all these pretty girls? she asked. There are at least four or five your age. Don’t you like any of them?”

“Sure I do, but…I don’t know what to say,” he muttered.

Marie smiled. “Try the straightforward approach, such as May I have this dance? You’ll find it the easiest.”

Adam frowned. “What if she says no?” he replied his frown deepening.

“Oh, I think that is mostly unlikely.” Marie hid a smile. She had heard Caroline and her friend complaining that Adam and Ross hadn’t asked them to dance and knew exactly how his offer would be received. The music came to an end and she let go of his arm and stood back from him. “Now, go and ask her.”

Adam shook his head. “Maybe later.”

Marie was whirled away by Tom Hammond for the next dance. Adam stood uncertainly for a moment watching Caroline out of the corner of his eye. Walking her home from school and discussing homework was a sign of friendship, dancing with her was something else. He debated for a minute then discarded the idea and went back to where Ross was helping himself to a second plate of Hop Sing’s delicious food.

Marie forgot about Adam for a while as she danced with Tom and then with Jake again. It wasn’t until she was left alone by the fireplace for a few moments, that she looked around for him again and spotted him back in the study alcove.

“The cares of the world, or just Adam’s?” Ben’s voice whispered in her ear.

She jumped. “Don’t do that!” she said, a trifle sharply. “I was just wondering….”

“How to play cupid?” Ben asked.

“Oh, shut up,” Marie laughed. “Come and dance with me.”

“Yes, ma’am, as if you hadn’t danced enough with every man here.” He took her in his arms and moved her smoothly into the middle of the dancers.

“Are you jealous?” she raised an eyebrow.

“Who, me? Now why would I be jealous? I have the most beautiful woman in the room and I’ll kill anyone who even smiles at her, but I’m not jealous,” he joked. I haven’t told you how beautiful you look tonight. I think that is my favourite dress. It certainly impressed Brogan. He whirled her to the side of the room again as one tune finished and another started.  “Do you think Adam is enjoying his party?  He isn’t…”

Marie tapped his shoulder gently. “Don’t look now but I think he’s going to ask Caroline to dance.” She gave a satisfied smile. “Uh oh!”

“What’s the matter?”

“We’re about to have company.” Marie nodded toward the top of the stairs where a small boy in a blue striped nightshirt, his curly hair tousled from sleep, was standing watching the dancers. “I thought he was sound asleep.  Please don’t let him have a tantrum, not tonight,” she begged.

She moved swiftly to intercept her small son, stepping deftly over Hoss and Jenny to pick him up, then moving slowly down the stairs again to stand behind them.

“Now, what are you doing out of bed?” she scolded softly.

“I wanna hear music,” Joe whispered.

Marie smiled, at least he wasn’t going to shout for the moment. Ben came to stand beside the stairs.

“You should be fast asleep, young man,” he said ruffling Joe’s hair.

Joe frowned and a stubborn look came into his eyes.  “Don’t wanna go to sleep.”

Marie raised her eyebrows at her husband.

“Alright, you can stay for a little while then back to bed,” Ben said firmly.

“He can sit with us, Pa,” Hoss offered, scooting closer to Jenny to make room for his little brother.

Marie grinned and raised her eyebrows again so that Ben was forced to hide a laugh. She set Joe down and bent down beside Hoss.

“You be a good boy or you’ll go back to bed.  I’ll go see if I can find some cookies for you.”

Ben seated himself beside the stairs and looked over to where Adam was now dancing with Caroline. Marie was right, he was growing up. Ben had never really noticed before how much he had changed. He knew he was growing taller, the constant need for new clothes told him that. But it was more than size; Adam had matured.  Ben turned his attention to the girl: she was very pretty. The dress she was wearing was pale pink and trimmed at the cuffs and neck with lace. It disturbed him a little that the tight-fitting bodice showed off some very womanly curves. Her fair hair was pinned up in curls and to Ben she looked older than the fourteen that Marie had said she was. Girls not much older than Caroline were often married, and it shook him to realise that Adam was three or four months older than her.

“They make a lovely couple,” Marie said as she came back with a plate of cookies for the children.

“Will you stop matchmaking?  He’s still a little boy.” Ben complained.

Marie laughed. “You’ve got your eyes closed, my darling. He’s a young man and a very handsome one at that.”

Ben looked back again and was shocked to realise that she was right, his boy had grown up and he hadn’t even noticed until now.

 

The last guest had gone and Ben was closing the door with one hand while loosening his tie with the other.  He looked back into the room which Hop Sing and Marie had started to clear.

“Leave that ’til morning, Hop Sing.  It’s much too late.” Ben moved over to Marie and put his arms around her waist. “It was a lovely party.”

He nodded towards the fireplace. Both Hoss and Joe were still seated on the stairs. Marie had forgotten they were there, Joe had been so good.  He was now sound asleep on his brother’s lap and Hoss’s eyes were finding it difficult to stay open.

“I’ll take those two up to bed,” Ben said softly.

Adam found himself alone with his stepmother and he looked at her with embarrassed affection. He wanted to talk to her but the words wouldn’t come. He busied himself with tidying up while he gathered his courage.  He knew he had been a problem for her ever since she had arrived and yet she had shown him nothing but kindness and understanding, especially tonight when she had given him the courage to ask Caroline to dance. His thoughts drifted to Caroline. She was real pretty and he liked her a lot.  She seemed to enjoy his company when he walked her home and once he had finally got up the courage to ask her to dance they had spent most of the rest of the evening together. He wanted to ask her to spend a day with him, maybe go for a picnic or something. He wondered if he could ask his stepmother for advice. Pa wouldn’t t understand, he still thought of him as a boy, but Marie would.  He was grateful to her but he didn’t  know how to tell her. He had hated her for so long it was difficult to draw back and admit he d been wrong.

Finally as they both moved toward the staircase he spoke. “Thank you for my guitar and for a great party,” he said quietly.  I really enjoyed it.

Marie could see there was more and she wondered what he was finding so difficult to say.  She held out her arms and he went into them, resting his dark head on her shoulder.

“You’re welcome, Adam.” Marie stroked his hair gently.

He stood back a moment and looked into her eyes hesitating just a little.  “I’m… well, I’m glad Pa married you.”

Marie glanced upward at Ben standing at the bend in the stairs, and their eyes met in a moment of love and understanding.

 

A little later when the children were in bed and Marie had diplomatically left him to his thoughts, Ben wandered out on to the porch to gaze up at the stars.  Fifteen years, he thought and the dream is coming closer.  ‘Liz ‘ he whispered to the stars, ‘I have so much.  Those tall sons and the tall trees to surround them and someone to share that dream with me the way you and Inger did.  Do you remember when we shared that dream on a cliff-top far from here?  I quoted Milton and gave you a music box.  Well our son still has that music box maybe some day he’ll give it to his wife.  He’s growing into a fine man, my darling, just as you said he would.’  He stopped talking for a moment and glanced up at Adam’s window.

 

 ‘The World was all before them, where to choose their place of rest, and Providence their guide.’  he quoted softly.  “I’ve found my place of rest my love, and our son has the world before him. Let us hope that Providence will truly guide him”