Summary:  Adam’s new love comes as a surprise to his family and hers.  Can they win through against the odds?
Rating:  PG  (13,600 words)

The Gift of Love

Hop Sing set the plates on the dining room table with a bang.  “Suppa not wait, all d’ied up.” And with these few words he retreated to his kitchen.

Before any of the diners had time to comment the front door swung open and then banged shut.

Adam raised an eyebrow at his father and then turned his eyes to the entrance of his young brother.

Joe approached the table with some trepidation and Ben Cartwright let out a huge sigh.  “Joseph, is it possible that just once you could be on time for supper,  he said with a note of exasperation.

“Sorry, Pa.”  Joe hastily pulled out his chair and sat down.  “I got the mail,”  he offered in apology, handing off a small pile of envelopes to his father.

Ben grunted as he took the proffered mail.  “Sorry, Pa.  Is that all you have to say.  You went for the mail before lunch, it’s now past six.”

“The stage was late and I met up with Mitch and we went for a beer while we waited.”  Joe grinned, not at all put out by the disapproving looks of his family.

Ben leaned forward “How late. And how many beers,” he growled.

Joe moved back a little. “Oh, at least an hour, Pa.   An’ I guess maybe it was two or three beers.”

Ben grunted again.  “Well, you’re here now and supper’s getting cold.  We can discuss the chores you missed later.”

At his father’s words, Hoss immediately began to pile meat and vegetables on to his plate.  “I’m half starved,”  he said to no one in particular.  Then he pointed his fork at his brother.  “You jest remember that next time you’re in town short shanks.  I need my meals on time.”

For a while all was quiet as each member of the family made short work of Hop Sing’s fried chicken. Once he had finished eating Ben sifted through the mail, extracting two letters for Adam and handing them to him and dividing the rest into Ponderosa business and personal letters.

Adam was sipping his coffee as his father handed over the mail and he glanced at them and put them into his vest pocket.

“Aren’t you gonna tell us who your letters are from then, big brother?”  Joe giggled and winked at Hoss. “One of ‘em was a lady’s handwriting, I’d bet on it.  And, I’m sure I’ve seen it before.”

Adam shook his head. “You wouldn’t know a lady if you saw one, little brother. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ll go upstairs and read my letters in privacy and peace.”

Hoss watched his older brother until Adam reached the top of the stairs and then helped himself to what little remained of the apple pie that Hop Sing had served for dessert.  “Don’t push him little brother.  He’s been in a good mood for weeks.  We don’t want no changes.”

Joe grinned.  “Sure, but you gotta admit he didn’t say it wasn’t a lady.  Maybe that’s why he’s in a good mood.”

Hoss finally pushed back his chair and gave a satisfied sigh.  “That was real good, Hop Sing.”  He grinned at the Chinese cook as he cleared away the dishes.  Then turning back to his little brother, “I ain’t about to ask him and you’d better not either, if’n you know what’s good for you.”

Joe shrugged.  “As long as he’s happy, I don’t care what made him that way.  He’s a darn sight easier to work with when he’s in a good mood.”

Ben rose from his chair and made his way to the table by the stairs where he took up his brandy decanter and poured himself a generous measure before seating himself in his leather armchair.  Joe and Hoss moved over to the sofa and Hoss began unpacking the checkers ready for a game.

Ben took a sip of his brandy and then looked at his youngest son.  “You have chores to do before you start a game, Joseph.  But first, perhaps you’d like to tell me what kept you so long in town?”

Joe’s expression made it clear that whatever had kept him was not likely to meet with approval.  He cast around for some titbit of information that might justify his time but there was very little.  “Roy’s gone over to Carson City for that murder trial and Clem’s in charge.  I kinda talked to him for a while.  An’ Mr Rossiter was in town buying up stuff for the party next week…”

“Ah, yes. Jane’s coming home isn’t she?  Is it really four years since she went back east to school, I suppose it must be,” Ben mused.

Joe nodded impatiently. “Yeah, well he was buying up half the store.  I asked him about Jane and all.”

“Another young lady for you to work your charm on, eh Joseph?”  Ben smiled at his youngest son.

“Aw, c’mon, Pa.  Jane’s real plain, buckteeth, glasses and a topknot and a real pain with all her books and music and stuff.  You know I never took a shine to her even when we were in school, she’s way too young for me too.”

Ben laughed. “She’s less than two years younger than you. You’ve courted girls younger and she’s a nice girl.  Bill Rossiter tells me she wants to teach school when she comes home.  Now that Abigail has married there is a place open and the school board is very interested in appointing a local girl.”

“Yeah, well maybe like Miss Abigail she’ll take a shine to Adam.  Hey, come to think of it she was always hanging around him when we were kids.”  Joe couldn’t help grinning, the discomfort his older brother had always felt when around Abigail Jones was only surpassed by his obvious embarrassment at little Jane Rossiter’s hero worship.

“I think that subject is best left alone after the trouble you two caused for Miss Abigail.”  Ben tried to be stern.  “And Jane was just a little girl then and she is way too young for your brother.”

“Yeah, Joe.  Don’t go teasin’ Adam about Jane.  His good mood will be gone afore you know it.”

Ben sipped at his brandy again.  “And changing the subject won’t get you out of those chores.  Now scat.”

Joe gave Hoss a beseeching look.  “I ain’t gonna have time for a game tonight, Hoss.”

Hoss sighed and pushed to his feet, “C’mon short shanks, I’ll give you a hand.”

Joe grinned and picked up his jacket.

“But it’s the very last time I help you do your chores,”  Hoss added.

Ben simply shook his head.  How many times had he heard that?

Alone in his room Adam stretched out on his bed and opened his letters.  The first was from a favorite bookstore in San Francisco, telling him that they would dispatch the books he had ordered as soon as they were available.  The second he held in his hand for a few moments and then slowly opened it, savoring every moment. Drawing out several sheets of cream-colored notepaper, he set the envelope carefully on the bed beside him.  He took his time reading and then read it over again and finally picked short pieces to read a third time.  Finally he folded it and put it back in its envelope.  He got up and walked to his desk and opened the draw.  He withdrew a bundle of similar envelopes and added this one too it.  It was obvious from the well- worn package that the letters had been read many times.

Adam walked to the window and stared out at the night sky.  He felt excited, happy, nervous, worried… well he really didn’t know what he felt.  He laughed to himself.  He tried to remember if he’d ever felt this way before.  If he had, it had been a long time ago.  Here he was at thirty-five feeling fifteen all over again.  He studied his reflection in the glass.  “You’re a fool, Adam Cartwright,” he whispered.  “You can’t possibly know someone from just letters.  You’d be the first to condemn a man for writing for a mail order bride.”  He stared hard at the image, seeing himself as a middle-aged man, with receding hair and life’s experiences etched on his face.  He sure wasn’t getting any younger.  Pa had been married three times by thirty-five. “You have to meet to see if it all evaporates in the cold light of day and it will.”  He sighed, misting the windowpane.  “How can you really know someone if you only know them by letters…”  He stopped and turned to face the room; the room he had slept in for almost thirty years.  It reflected his tastes, neat and tidy, with shelves of books, a drawing table for his various plans, whatever book he was currently reading on his bedside table, his carefully chosen pictures.  It was a man’s room where he could work and relax.  He tried to rationalise his feelings but it was not possible.  There was nothing rational about falling in love with a signature at the end of a letter, he didn’t even have a picture of her or she of him.  Maybe he was going crazy.  He chuckled.  It was a nice crazy though.  In a few days he would know.

Ben surveyed his three sons as they mounted up to ride to the Rossiter’s party.  They cleaned up pretty well. Hoss was complaining about his tie as always, while Joe had taken forever to get ready but it seemed it was worth it, he was satisfied with his appearance at last.  Adam had been ready for ages and now sat patiently waiting with Sport for the ride down the valley to Bill Rossiter’s ranch. The boys all seemed to be looking forward to this party.  There hadn’t been any large parties since Christmas and spring was a time for young people to enjoy themselves after the hard winter.  Not that Ben didn’t intend to enjoy himself too, but it was really for the younger members of the community.  He glanced quickly at each son.  Hoss was looking forward to the food, Joe to showing off to all the girls and Adam… if Ben hadn’t known better, he’d have said Adam was nervous.  He let his gaze linger a bit longer on his eldest son.  Adam was good at hiding his feelings but thirty-five years of practice had given Ben an advantage over casual acquaintances.  Adam was never nervous in social situations, but tonight he was definitely on edge.

Adam’s nervousness grew as they approached the Rossiters’ and Ben made a point of being alongside him when they dismounted by the barn.

“Something worrying you, son?”  He said as casually as he could while they unsaddled and turned their horses into the corral with the other guest’s mounts.  Several buggies and wagons were already in the yard and their horses mingled with the mounts in the corral.

Adam looked over the gathered horses and avoided his father’s eyes.  “No, of course not,” he lied.

Ben wasn’t fooled for a minute.  He planned to keep an eye on his eldest son this evening.

Bill Rossiter came forward as soon as he saw the Cartwrights.  “Welcome Ben, boys.” He smiled at them and held out his hand to Ben.  “Food is over by the barbecue.” He grinned at Hoss.

“And where is the college girl, Bill?”  Ben asked as he looked around for Jane.

Rossiter turned and pointed to the porch, “Over there.  She and her friend Miriam are surrounded by all the young men.”  He laughed.  “You’ve got competition tonight Little Joe.”

Joe glanced toward the porch, he wasn’t interested in Jane but her friend Miriam might be a different matter.  The crowd of young men around the girls gave him no clue, so he set off in that direction, with Hoss hot on his heels, heading for the barbecue.

“Miriam?”  Ben queried.  “Is she from around here?”

Bill shook his head. “No, she’s a friend of Jane’s from college, come out here for a visit.  She’s from New York, never been out west before, brought enough luggage for an extended stay though.  You’d think she planned to live here.”  He laughed again.  “Nice girl, quite a few years older than Jane and a bit reserved and bookish but she and Jane have become very good friends.”

The three men wandered over to the refreshment table and Bill poured punch for them all.  There were several others around the table including Hank and Abigail Myers.  Mrs Myers swooped on Ben and Adam like a hawk that had found its prey.

“Ah, Mr Cartwright and Adam, the very men,”  she warbled.

“Good evening, Abigail, Hank.”  Ben smiled at the couple.

“Good evening Mrs Myers, Hank.”

“Oh, Adam, surely we know each other well enough for you to call me Abigail?”

Adam inclined his head and acknowledged her. “Abigail,”  he agreed.

“And why are we ‘the very men’?”  Ben asked politely.

“Have you met Jane this evening?” She didn’t wait for an answer, but ploughed on answering her own question.  “No, I thought not.  I spoke to her about taking my place in school but she didn’t seem very interested and I wanted to let you know; as members of the school board that is.  I asked her friend Miriam too, since she says she hopes to stay in Virginia City, but it seems she has other plans.”  Abigail said the last as though it was a personal affront that the girl hadn’t told her what those plans were.

“I’m sure we shall be talking to Jane as a Board, Abigail, but if she’s not interested then we can advertise, no need to worry on that score,”  Ben replied, but Abigail did not intend to let him go.  She continued to give him her views on her replacement.  Ben glanced at Adam for help in extricating them from the conversation but his son was staring at the porch.

The crowd of young men had parted and the two girls were now on view.  For a moment Ben wondered which one was Jane, since both girls were very attractive.  Obviously the ugly duckling of Joe’s description had turned into a swan.  Jane’s hair was certainly not in a topknot, its dark loveliness shimmered around her shoulders and was set off by soft silvery green velvet ribbons. There were no glasses and her green dress accentuated a very attractive figure.  Ben noted with a smile that his youngest son was paying her a great deal of attention.  Beside this vision her friend Miriam could not compete although she too was a very pretty girl; her hair, not quite as dark as Jane’s, was set in a similar fashion but this time the dress and ribbons were a delicate pale blue.

Adam was aware of nothing around him as he tried to match his mental image with the reality in front of him.  Their eyes met, and there was understanding.  The party was probably not the best time to become better acquainted, so he merely nodded but continued to stare.

“Adam…  A..dam.”  Ben tried again

“Oh, I’m sorry, Pa.  What were you saying?”  Adam suddenly came back to the company around him, earning himself a penetrating stare from his father.

“Abigail was suggesting that the school board meet to talk to Jane as soon as possible; try to persuade her,”  Ben explained patiently.

“Uh…  Yes, fine, but not tomorrow,”  he added hastily.

Ben frowned.  “No, of course not tomorrow, it’s Sunday.”

He was tempted to touch his son’s forehead to see if he had a fever. He was certainly acting most peculiarly tonight.

Abigail finally found another victim for her attention and Ben was left bemused.  He had turned to find Adam but his son had gone.  He finally spotted him dancing with Jane’s friend and talking earnestly to her.  At least he seemed to have relaxed a little, maybe there was nothing wrong after all.  Ben enjoyed the rest of the evening and hardly saw his sons, except when he whirled past them as he was dancing.  Joe certainly seemed to dominate Jane’s dance card, though both Adam and Hoss had at least one dance with her and he saw Adam in the arms of Miriam more than once.  Hoss as always did his duty and asked all the ladies who were sitting out on the porch and then settled himself with a plate of food with some of the other men who weren’t dancing. Cute

“Jane sure has changed,”  Joe commented as they rode home.  “Don’t ya think so, Adam.  She ain’t that skinny kid who used to pester you no more.”

“No, she isn’t,”  Adam said quietly.  “They are both very nice girls.”

Ben tried to read something into Adam’s quiet comment but his son’s expression was closed.  “You seemed to be enjoying Miriam’s company.  What did you two talk about for so long?”

Adam hid a smile; Pa was fishing.  “Oh, this and that,” he said airily, “We have mutual interests.”  He kept his thoughts to himself.  It had been a good evening after a shaky start.  Once he had taken in the fact that his dreams had not evaporated, in fact, they had been enhanced, he had enjoyed himself immensely.

Ben grunted, he knew his son well enough to stop his inquiries; they would lead nowhere.

The Cartwright men usually rode to church so Ben was surprised when he came out of the house on Sunday morning to find the buggy polished and ready for use.

“Going somewhere, Joseph?”  he inquired of his youngest son.

Joe shook his head. “Adam harnessed it. I am planning to ask Jane to go for a drive but apparently older brother has plans for the buggy.  I guess I’ll have to ask Mr Rossiter if I can borrow his.”

At that moment, Adam emerged from the house, dressed ready for church.

“Hey, Adam, you taking Miriam for a drive this afternoon?”  Joe asked with a grin.

Adam gathered up the reins and climbed into the buggy, “No, little brother. I’m showing Jane the Ponderosa, or at least the north west corner of it.”

Joe’s jaw dropped, “Jane… but I thought…”

“Don’t think little brother, it isn’t what you do best.” Adam took up the reins and started the buggy forward.

The other three followed in shock.

After church Adam handed Jane into the buggy under the watchful and slightly surprised eye of her father.  His own father looked concerned and Little Joe was frankly glaring at him.     “What did you tell your family?”  Jane asked as the buggy moved out of earshot of the group outside the church.

Adam grinned, “Absolutely nothing.  I didn’t figure there was much to tell at this point.  What about you?”

“I told Ma and Pa that I was going buggy riding.”  She giggled.  “I think they assumed it was with your brother.”

Adam glanced at her, “You did seem to spend an inordinate amount of time in his arms yesterday evening.”

Jane laughed, “Yes, about as much time as you spent with Miriam.”

He looked across at her and joined in her laughter.  “Well, I found out a lot about you from Miriam.”

“Oh, but not as much as I found out about you from Joe and your other friends and neighbors,”  she responded quickly.

“All of it lies.”  He chuckled.

“Oh, I do hope not.  They were very complimentary.”

“How do you feel now that you know what an old man I am?”  he asked, keeping his eyes on the road ahead.

She laid her slim hand on his arm. “You aren’t much older than when I went away and still just as handsome.”

“You certainly aren’t the girl who went back east to college.”  He stopped the buggy and turned toward her.  “You are a very beautiful young lady.”

She blushed prettily.  “I guess college taught me to make the best of myself and not to hide behind my glasses.  At school I was always teased for being a bookworm, back east at college all the students studied hard.  I wasn’t the odd one out anymore.”

He nodded.  He could identify with that feeling.

“Can I ask you something?”  she said shyly.

“Of course, you can ask anything.”

“You promise to tell the truth?”

He smiled. “I swear to tell the truth, how’s that?”  Then he saw how serious she was and changed his tone.  “Of course I’ll tell you the truth, it wouldn’t help to lie at this stage would it?”

“Are you… I mean am I…  Now you’ve seen me again do you still mean the things you said in your letters.”

He took both her hands in his. “Jane, I fell in love with the girl who wrote to me.  From the first shaky letters telling me how homesick she was to the long detailed letters about her courses and her studies to the wonderful romantic letters of the past year.  Seeing you has only made those feelings stronger.”

“You’d still love me if I wasn’t pretty?”  she insisted.  “You didn’t care for me when I pestered you before I left.”

“I cared for you enough to encourage you to go to college.  I cared for you enough to listen to your hopes and fears while you decided.  But you were a child when you left, I never saw you as the woman you have become until you started writing those letters.”

“Are you sure?”

He bent forward and kissed her cheek.  “Yes, I’m sure.”  He watched her for a moment then put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her toward him.  This time the kiss was a lover’s kiss and as he broke away he said huskily, “Do you believe me now?”

“Yes,” she said softly.

Hoss and Joe were into one of their interminable games of checkers when Adam arrived home.  Ben heard the door shut and came through from the kitchen with a fresh pot of coffee.  He poured himself a cup and set the tray on the table.

“Who’s winning?”  Adam asked.

Hoss snorted. “He is, but I swear he cheats.”

Adam chuckled and settled into the chair opposite his father and helped himself to coffee.

“Did you have a nice afternoon?”  Ben said casually.

Adam glanced up from his coffee. “Very nice, thank you.”

“Jane enjoyed it?”  Ben pried.  Why was getting information from his eldest son like pulling teeth.

“I think so.  Of course she’s been to the lake a hundred times but it was a beautiful day.”

“A…dam?”

“Yes, Pa.  You wanted to know something more?”  Adam’s mouth lifted slightly at the corner as he tried not to smile.  Pa had an insatiable curiosity where his sons were concerned.  Hoss and Joe had suspended their game and were watching the play between father and brother with great interest.  They both wanted to know about this mystery too.

“Of course we do.”  Ben was exasperated. “You never mention Jane and then suddenly you go buggy riding with her.  You’ve got to admit it’s unusual.”

Adam sipped his coffee as if what he was about to say was of no importance.  “I’ve known Jane since she was about six, what’s so strange about taking a pretty girl for a ride on a lovely Sunday afternoon?”

Joe could keep still no longer. “I danced with her all evening and I was gonna ask her out, so how come she went with you?”

“What did she talk about when you were dancing?”  Adam asked.

“What?”  Joe was puzzled, then as if light dawned, “Come to think about it she kept asking about you.  What the hell is going on here?”

“Joseph, I know your brother can be mighty infuriating but there is no need for such language, especially on a Sunday.”  Ben turned a stern look on his youngest.

“Sorry, Pa, but you gotta admit he’s been downright aggravating,” Joe responded, still riled by his brother’s apparent nonchalance.

Ben nodded his acceptance of the apology. “Joe is right there, son,” he appealed to Adam. “You have to agree it’s not exactly clear.  I always thought you saw Jane as a school friend of your brother and something of a nuisance.  She was always around here asking you about books and the like and you were patient but hardly enjoyed her company.  Now she comes back after four years with no contact and you hardly speak to her at the party and then take her buggy riding.  You can’t expect us not to be, well… curious.”

Adam very deliberately set down his coffee cup.  He debated on how much to tell them, would they laugh at him; probably, would they understand; almost certainly not.

“When Jane went away she asked if she could write to me.  I guess she wanted someone who would understand her desire for knowledge.  I agreed and we’ve been corresponding fairly regularly.”

Joe slapped his forehead as if he had known all along. “Of course, the letters.  I knew I’d seen that writing before.  You got lots of letters from New York, but I never imagined they were from Jane.  So she just wanted to kinda tell you about her college stuff this afternoon then?  That’s fine.  I mean I can go ask her to the dance Saturday, if that’s all it was.”

Adam shook his head. “She’s going to the dance with me and every other dance or social occasion.”   He got to his feet and placed his coffee cup back on the tray.

“Don’t you be so sure of yourself older brother,”  Joe challenged.

Adam had moved toward the stairs and as he reached the first step he turned. “Oh I’m sure, little brother.  I’m going to marry her.” He ran lightly up the stairs and the three left behind, with mouths hanging open, heard his door close.

Hoss was the first to recover.  He had been intrigued but had figured Adam would have told him in time.  He didn’t have his father’s burning curiosity, nor did he go along with Joe’s direct approach, all that generally did was get Adam riled.  “Did he say what I thought he said?”  He gulped, stunned that he hadn’t had an inkling of what was coming. He’d always thought he and Adam were pretty close.

“Oh, he said it alright but it can’t be true.  He’s just joshin’ c’os he knows I like her,”  Joe blustered.

“Didn’t sound like joking to me,” Hoss replied.

Ben had taken several deep breaths.  Adam’s words had shocked him.  “I think I need to have a long and serious talk with your older brother, before this gets out of hand.”

Inside his room Adam stood before the window and counted… “one, two, three…” he’d done this as a boy when Pa was mad at him, he usually got to about “fifteen, sixteen…”

There was a loud knock on the door and almost immediately it was opened.

Yep, Pa was nothing if not predictable. He spun around on one heel and waited.

Ben physically and mentally girded himself for battle.

Adam nodded slowly. “So let’s have it?”

Ben was taken aback. “What’s that supposed to mean?”  he demanded.

“You’ve been coming in here like that for over twenty years and it usually means you are about to deliver a lecture.”  He grinned.  “Or worse.”

Ben grunted and relaxed his combative stance a little.  “Well sometimes you deserve it.”

“And now?”

Ben sighed.  “What is all this about… marriage?  You barely know the girl, in a way you only met her yesterday.”

Adam pulled up the chair from his desk and waved his father into it.  “I feel happier when you are sitting down,” he said with a wry smile.  Once Ben was seated he began to pace.

“Well… are you going to give me some explanation?”  Ben asked after Adam had crossed the room twice.

“I’ve known Jane since she was a child.  How long does a man have to know the woman he marries?  You knew Marie for a much shorter time, Inger too.”

Ben leaned forward and looked up at his son. “I knew them as women not as children.  Jane was barely eighteen when she went away and you never showed the slightest interest in her except to help her with her studies.  There must be more than that.”

Adam stopped pacing and stared unseeing out of the window. “We’ve been writing to each other for four years, you learn a lot of from letters, written words can be more powerful than the spoken kind, because you consider them more.”

“Are you telling me that you fell in love with a bunch of letters?” Ben’s tone was scathing.  “How do you know they weren’t the outpourings of an infatuated young woman.  Jane always followed you around, it was obvious she hero worshiped you as a child.”

“Pa, I think I’m old enough to know the difference.”  His tone was irritable as it often was when he felt his father was treating him like a boy.   “Did you believe the letters my mother wrote to you?  You told me she was only seventeen when you began writing to each other.”  He turned and looked directly at his father.

“Yes, she was, and I was maybe two years older.  I saw her every time my ship was in Boston. It’s not quite the same is it?”

“Pa, our letters began because Jane wanted someone to write to about her studies. They developed over four years, we didn’t suddenly decide we loved each other, it came slowly.  I know you think I am rushing into this but I’m not, nor is Jane.  Please try to understand.”  He walked to his father and crouched beside the chair.  “I’ve waited a long time to find someone who understands me the way Jane does.  Someone who shares my interests, my hopes, my dreams.”  He rose, embarrassed.  He didn’t usually bare his soul this way but he needed Pa to understand to give his blessing.  Their relationship was special, they had relied on each other, trusted each other for all of Adam’s thirty-five years. He needed that trust to continue.

Ben laid a hand on his son’s shoulder,  “Adam, you’re thirty-five, she’s twenty-one, do you really think this can work.  Its like… well its not much better than a mail-order bride and a child bride at that.”

Adam got to his feet pushing off his father’s hand and trying to control his anger.  “She is not a child and neither am I.  I’d like your blessing, but if I can’t have it then it won’t change our decision.”

Ben got to his feet too, both men now intent on making the other understand. “Son, she’s fourteen years younger than you, she’s infatuated with you, that’s all it is.  You’re too old for her.”

Adam had been pacing again and he whirled on his father.  “Yes, she’s fourteen years younger than me.  Wasn’t Marie fourteen years younger than you, or is my math faulty?  In fact I was nearer in age to Marie than you were. Was Marie infatuated with you, were you too old for her?  If you were I certainly didn’t notice and neither did she.  You made it work and so can we.  Don’t make problems we don’t have, Pa.”

Ben had no answer.  Adam was right, Marie had been fourteen years his junior and not much older than Jane and he had known her for a little over a week before proposing marriage. He didn’t know what to say now so he threw up his hands in exasperation.  “Whatever I say, you’ll go your own way, you always have.  But I wish you’d stop and think about this.”

“I have thought, Pa and I know what I’m doing.”  Ben shook his head as he turned and left the room.  He banged the door shut behind him and still shaking his head went to his own room.  He couldn’t face his younger sons’ questions right now.

Adam sank down on to the bed and let out a long breath.  It was going to be harder than he had expected to win Pa over.

Both had been raising their voices and below Hoss and Joe glanced worriedly at each other.    “Whadda you think Hoss?  I ain’t heard them argue like that in a while.”  Joe glanced at the stairs.

“I think it’s Adam’s business who he marries. I kinda hoped he’d talk to me about it, but it ain’t for us to say.”

“Seems Pa thinks he should have a say.”  Joe commented.  “I can’t believe he’s been writing to Jane for four years and he never said a word.  I know he keeps things to himself but this…”  He shrugged.

“If he wants us to know more, he’ll tell us. You know Adam, if he don’t wanna talk nuthin’ll make him.”  Hoss looked down at the checkers board and sighed.  “You done moved ‘em ain’t ya?”

Joe pasted on what he thought was an innocent expression and shook his head.  “I ain’t touched ‘em,” he replied.

For the next three weeks, Adam was never around.  Once his work was finished he rode off to the Rossiter ranch.  Hoss and Joe had no reason to complain; he never left them with chores to do, or asked for help in his work, but complain they did.

“He’s never here, Pa.”  Joe moaned as once again only three Cartwrights sat down to supper.

Ben sighed.  “He gets his work done, doesn’t he?”

“Well, yeah, Pa, he does, but…”  Hoss broke off, unable to say why he was upset with his older brother, but knowing he was.

“Then there isn’t much to complain about is there?”  Ben was no happier than his younger sons.  He wanted Adam to talk.  He knew of course that Adam would only talk when he was good and ready.

Later that evening it seemed that the time might have arrived.  Hoss and Joe were into yet another game of checkers and as always Hoss was losing. Ben had poured himself a brandy and was watching the game but with his mind elsewhere. All three pricked up their ears when they heard hoof beats and then the barn door squealed.

“He’s home early.”  Hoss observed.

Joe looked at the door as if expecting Adam to appear immediately, when he didn’t he gave a small giggle.  “Maybe they’ve fallen out.”

“Joseph,” Ben admonished.  “Whatever the reason he’s back, you keep your thoughts to yourself.  He’ll tell us in his own good time.”

Now it was Hoss’ turn to chuckle.  “Trouble is Pa, we might not be alive that long.”

All three burst into laughter which stopped abruptly as footsteps echoed on the porch and the door swung open.

Adam threw his hat on the peg and shrugged out of his jacket.  He bent to untie his holster and as he straightened up, his hand on the belt buckle, he became aware of three pairs of eyes on him.

“Something wrong?” he asked quietly.

“Nah, just this one cheating at checkers again.”  Hoss jerked a thumb at Joe.  “You’re home…”  Hoss caught his father’s eye and stopped.

“Yeah, so it would seem,” Adam replied with a slight smile.  He moved to the sofa and peered at the checkers game, raised an eyebrow and then continued to his chair.  “Any coffee left?” he asked indicating the pot and cups on the table.

Ben nodded.  “Might be cooling a bit by now.  I’ll ask Hop Sing for a fresh pot.”  He turned to shout to the kitchen but before he could open his mouth, Hop Sing appeared a fresh pot in hand.

Hop Sing always seemed to know when he was needed.  He poured coffee for all of them and was about to leave when Adam spoke again.

“Don’t go Hop Sing, your part of the family and this affects you too.”

All eyes swiveled toward the occupant of the blue velvet chair.

Adam sipped at the fresh coffee and then looked up.  His free hand went to his ear and he began to rub it.

Ben noted the gesture, something important was coming and Adam didn’t expect it to be well received.  The gesture was a habit his oldest son had acquired as a youth and it re-appeared when he was puzzled or worried.

Adam took a deep breath.  “Jane and I have decided on a date for the wedding.  I have to go to San Francisco to renew our timber shipping contracts.  We figured if we married on the Saturday before I leave, we could turn the trip into a honeymoon.  Jane hasn’t been to San Francisco since she was a child and we figured that we could visit galleries and go to concerts together.”

“But that’s only…”  Joe broke off, shocked.

“It’s just over three weeks after Christmas.  Is that a problem?”  Adam spoke calmly but he was nervously twisting his hands around his coffee cup.

“Any reason for the rush?  A winter wedding means many of our friends won’t be able to attend,”  Ben asked.   “You’ve only known her six weeks…”  he trailed off reminded of their conversation about Marie.

“No reason to wait.  We love each other.  We don’t need a big wedding, just family and close friends. The train means travel even in winter is relatively easy and it’ll be warmer in San Francisco for a honeymoon. I can afford to pay someone to finish off the house under my supervision.”  Adam looked from one to the other waiting for the next challenge.

“You mean the house you were building for…”  again Ben hesitated.

“For Laura?  Yes, what other house do I own?”

Ben would have preferred to speak to Adam alone, but his other sons had a right to know what was going on.  “Are you sure this isn’t the same thing; a wish to be married rather than a wish to be married to Jane?”

Adam leaned forward and placed his cup on the table.  He remained bending forward but rested his arms on his knees.  “No, Pa.  It isn’t the same.  I love Jane with all my heart.  I would do anything to make her happy.”

Ben sighed.  “Then I have nothing more to say.  It is your life and I can only wish you happiness.  I hope you find it with Jane.”

Adam relaxed a little and leaned back in his chair. “But you don’t think I will,” he said softly.

Ben got to his feet and began to pace.  “If you want me to be honest, no I don’t.  You say you love her and I have to believe that you believe you do.   Perhaps you do, I don’t know, but I do know that a girl of her age who has been in an all girl’s school with no experience of men cannot possibly know she is in love with the first person who pays her attention. Particularly when she has been infatuated with that man since the age of six.”  He turned on his heel and almost crashed into the table.  “Think Adam.  How do you know she isn’t still seeing you as the hero in her storybooks the way she used to before she went back east?”

Adam got to his feet as if to challenge his father, then threw up his hands in a gesture of defeat and stomped up the stairs to his room.

Ben gave an exasperated sigh.  “I cannot get through to him that I only have his best interest at heart,”  he mumbled almost to himself.  “Why does he have to be so stubborn?”

“Maybe because he is in love with Jane,”  Hoss said quietly.  “He ain’t about to talk to us when all we do is fight him.  Not one of us said congratulations and that’s kinda what a guy expects when he says he’s getting married, ‘specially when you’re as old as Adam.”

Adam’s thoughts were much as Hoss had expressed them.  He practically threw himself on the bed in temper.  Why couldn’t they understand.  He loved Jane more than he had ever loved anyone.  More than he had ever loved Laura and they had accepted her… okay, so Pa had expressed reservations, but then no one would ever be right in Pa’s eyes. He wanted to keep them children forever.  It wasn’t as if Adam went around expressing undying love for women the way Joe was prone to do.  They’d all lost count of Joe’s conquests and marriage plans. He thought back over the years, he had proposed marriage three times in his life before this and the women had left him.  Laura, he had never really loved, not in the way a man should love the woman he marries.  The others well, what the use in dwelling in the past? He had come close on a few other occasions too but something had always been wrong.  This time it was right.  Jane loved him and he loved her and there was nothing to stand in their way.

He got to his feet and crossed to his mirror and peered into it, rubbing his chin.  Six weeks to get everything done.  Jane was already arranging things, and her friend Miriam was a willing helper.  Miriam had come out here to marry.  Her fiance was currently in San Francisco but was due here any day now.  Miriam had never met him, but they had corresponded and like Jane she was sure all would be well.  He worked for John Piper at the Opera House and Adam knew him slightly from attending concerts and plays, but they had never been friends, he was more Little Joe’s contemporary.  Adam decided to have an early night, his eyes reflected tiredness and worry and he hoped a night of sleep would repair the damage.

“Didn’t go down too well, did it?”  Jane giggled when next they met.

Adam smiled.  “About as well as I expected.  How about you?”

“Papa thinks I’ve taken leave of my senses and Mama is horrified that she has only a little less than two months to do everything,” Jane replied.

They were spending a rare evening away from both families and could talk freely. Evenings spent in the Rossiters’ parlor were very nice, Mr and Mrs Rossiter gave them time alone but the couple could never be sure when one or other of them would pop their head around the door.  Tonight, Adam had got tickets for the Opera House; just for the two of them, even Miriam was not included.  He had reserved a box and he planned that they would be as alone as he could make it.  Afterwards he would take her to dinner and maybe if he could persuade her they could have a short ride out of town.   He had piled furs and blankets into the buggy as an extra insurance against the cold.

“Do you mind that everyone thinks we are crazy?”  Adam asked as he helped her into the buggy and tucked a fur wrap around her.

Jane stroked the soft beaver and looked up into his eyes.  “No, I don’t mind.  If I stop and think about it, I wonder myself.”

Adam climbed in beside her and took up the reins.  He raised an eyebrow slightly.  “You are sure you want to marry me, aren’t you?”

She giggled again.  “Don’t look so worried, it makes you frown.  Of course I am sure.  I just can’t believe that all my dreams are coming true.”

He slipped an arm around her and pulled her to him as he drove.  “All of them?” he smiled.

“Well, maybe not everyone, but most of them,” she said seriously.

“I promise to try my best to make all your dreams come true,” he said softly. He pulled the buggy to a halt in front of the Opera House and helped her down.  He was aware of the eyes of friends and neighbors following them as he took her arm to lead her into the auditorium and up the stairs to the box.

“I hope you enjoy opera,”  Adam said as he held out a chair for her.  “We’ve talked about music but never specifically opera, but I thought you might like this one.”

Jane smoothed her dress and made herself comfortable before answering.  “I love all music.  Don’t you remember how I used to sing when you played your guitar?”

Adam laughed.  “That was hardly opera.  But yes, I do remember you had a very sweet voice.  You still have,” he added.

“How do you know we haven’t had a chance to sing together?”

“Then we must practice and you can sing with me at the Christmas concert and at our Christmas party.”

Jane clapped her hands delightedly making several people look up at the box.  “Oh I’d love to.  I sang in the choir at school and even performed a solo.  Friends said I was quite good, so I don’t think I’ll let you down.”

He smiled at her childlike enthusiasm.  “You couldn’t ever let me down.  I’ll bring my guitar over tomorrow night and we can practice.”

They both went silent as the theatre darkened and the orchestra began the overture to ‘The Barber of Seville’

“Wasn’t it wonderful?”  Jane chattered, excitedly as they left the theatre after the performance.  “The girl who sang Rosina had such a lovely voice, I wish I could sing like that.  It was like an angel singing.”

Adam smiled.  “I’m pleased you enjoyed it so much.  We must come again the next time the company is here.”  He handed her into the buggy.  “I’ve arranged dinner at the International.”  He leaned in closer, “Alan has promised me a very secluded table.”

Jane blushed prettily, “Now why would we want that?”

He climbed in beside her and cuddled up close.  “Because I want to look into those beautiful brown eyes and the other diners might not appreciate my ignoring them and looking only at you.”

Hoss and Joe were discussing which of them was going to draw the short straw and make the ride out to the herd in the morning after church.  Ben listened with half an ear, smiling as Joe made all the arguments why it should be Hoss. The sharp rap at the door made them all jump.  Ben and Hoss both looked at Joe, who sighed and got to his feet grumbling as he always did when answering the door.  His perennial complaint was that he had been born the youngest and as such got all the menial tasks. He opened the door a crack and seeing Bill Rossiter on the porch threw it open wider and ushered him in.   “Evening, Mr Rossiter, what brings you all the way over here?”  he asked.

“Joe, Hoss.”  Rossiter acknowledged.  “Ben I need to talk to you.”

Ben nodded.  “Boys would you check the stock for the night.”  It was an order not a request and both young men knew it; much as they would have liked to have stayed and listened to the conversation.

When the two older men were alone, Ben offered Rossiter a brandy.  “I take it this is about this marriage,” he said handing Bill a glass.

Rossiter took the brandy snifter and sat down on the edge of the blue chair while Ben resumed his seat on the opposite side of the fireplace.

“Yes, I want it stopped.”

Ben raised an eyebrow and took a sip of his brandy before responding.  “That is hardly up to us, is it?  They are both of age.”

“Jane is barely twenty-one and your boy is acting like a schoolboy,”  Rossiter retorted.

“But she is twenty-one, Bill and whatever you may think of him, Adam is old enough to make his own decisions.  He knows I’m not happy about it.  I don’t see what else I can do.”

Rossiter leaned forward in the chair.  “I’ll pay him to forget all about it.”

Ben waved a dismissive hand. “Bill, Bill.  You know Adam almost as well as I do and even if he needed money, which he doesn’t, he could never be bought, especially for something like this.”

Rossiter seemed to slump in his chair and looked ten years older.  “I know.  I’m so desperate I’ll try anything.  She’s so full of romantic notions. I know my daughter just as you know your son.  The more I oppose her the more stubborn she becomes.  But I’m convinced it is an infatuation just as it was when she was a child.”

“We can’t be sure of that Bill.  They have spent a lot of time together these past weeks.  As my son reminded me, more than I spent with Marie before I married her.  He genuinely seems to love her, even if you and I have trouble believing it.  I think they will go their own way no matter what we say or do, and opposing them will only drive a wedge between us.  Neither of us want to lose our children.”

The two men talked for more than an hour until the door opened a crack and Hoss’ voice asked if they might come in.

The interruption seemed to bring Rossiter to a decision.  “Yes, come in Hoss, I’m sorry I’ve forced you and your brother to get so cold.  Come by the fire.  I’m heading home anyway.”

Hoss followed by Joe made a beeline for the stone fireplace and its burning logs.  “Didn’t mean to push ya out, Mr Rossiter, but you’re right about it being cold out there.  Snow comin’ again too.”  Hoss held out his hands to the warmth and rubbed them together.

Bill Rossiter pushed to his feet.  “Then I really had better be going.  Thanks for your hospitality and your advice, Ben.  I’m not sure I agree or that I can avoid trying to stop this marriage but I know you are as concerned as I am.”

Ben got up and shook Rossiter’s hand.  “Have faith, Bill.  They are sensible young people, it will turn out for the best.”

Ben stood staring at the door after his guest departed.  Not sure if he believed what he had said but hoping his faith in his son was not misplaced.  No one had cautioned him when he had proposed to Elizabeth, Inger or Marie and all of his marriages had been perfect.  How could he accuse his son of being any less committed than he had been.

When Adam and Jane emerged from the warmth of the restaurant, Jane shivered in the cold air.  Adam immediately wrapped the beaver fur throw around her.  He helped her into the buggy and then added a second fur, which he tucked around her.  “I was going to suggest a drive home around Washoe but maybe its too cold?”  He glanced at her and his face reflected his disappointment.

Jane giggled.  “Don’t look so miserable.  Of course its not too cold, these furs are beautiful.”  She untucked one side and spread it over his knees.  “See we can both keep warm.”

Adam took up the reins with one hand and slipped the other under the fur to grasp Jane’s gloved hand.  The trail from Virginia City to Washoe Lake was a dangerous one in winter, more than one wagon and stagecoach had gone over the edge into one of the ravines. Adam drove with care and concentration and they didn’t talk much.  Jane snuggled into him to keep warm and he enjoyed the closeness.

Once down in the valley between the Virginia Mountains and the Sierras it was warmer.  The chill wind no longer crept inside the furs.  Adam approached the end of the Lake and pulled the buggy to a halt.

“Oh look, isn’t that beautiful.”  Jane pointed at the lake.

The water had frozen and snow had fallen on top of the ice, the crystals were sparkling in the moonlight.  The trees around the lake were decked with snow and icicles hung down from the branches.  She snuggled closer.

Adam looked down at her and smiled then putting a hand under her chin he lifted her face for a kiss.  As they broke apart, he grinned.  “Your so cold we could freeze together.”

“Would that be so bad?”  she laughed.

He took up the reins again. “I think I’ll get you home before I’m tempted.”

They drove on for about a mile when the moonlight silhouetted a rider heading south east from the direction of the Ponderosa.

“I wonder who’s been visiting this late on a winter’s night?”  Adam speculated.

Jane peered at the now retreating figure.  “It’s my father,” she said abruptly.

“Are you sure at this distance?”  Adam queried.

“Oh yes, I’m sure.  The way he sits his saddle the outline is his, and who else would be visiting your family and then heading towards our ranch?”

Adam nodded.  “I think we can guess what the topic of conversation was likely to have been.  I wonder what their next move will be?  Your father isn’t going to give up and my father might well support him.”

“Why can’t they just be happy for us?”  Jane said partly in anger and partly in sorrow.

Adam hugged her.  “Because they care about us and think they know best.”

“Well they don’t,” she said sharply.  “I know I want to be with you forever and nothing is going to change that.”

Adam smiled at her, she sounded like a little girl again. “I’m glad to hear it,”  he said lightly.  “I know I want to share my life with you too.”

“Then its settled and they can’t do anything to stop us.”

Adam leaned back thoughtful.  The evening, which had been so perfect, had a slight tarnish on it now.  He didn’t like going against his own father and Jane’s too.  He only knew he loved her and would do what was right for her above his own desires; desires which had grown with their closeness this evening.

The atmosphere at the Ponderosa and at Jane’s home was as frosty as the world outside as Christmas approached. It was with some trepidation that Adam approached the festive season.  It wasn’t going to be much of a celebration if he and Jane couldn’t enjoy it together and neither family seemed well disposed toward them.  The first hurdle was going to be the Christmas concert and carol service held at the church.  He always took along his guitar and for as long as he could remember he had accompanied the carols with Mrs Myers at the piano and then sung along with his guitar and Slim Duncan’s boys for the party afterwards. This year Jane was going to sing with him and they had practiced several duets and even a solo piece for her.  He usually looked forward to this evening but this year he was unaccountably nervous.

He rode in through the fresh snow with his family and it seemed like old times.  Hoss and Joe were joking with him and teasing and even Pa was smiling at their antics.  Perhaps they had accepted the inevitable or perhaps they were just making the best of it but at least they were no longer disapproving.

On arriving at the church he headed for the area just below the altar where the piano was set up.  Mrs Myers was already there fussing.

“I don’t know if there will be room for your friend to set up her cello.  No one told me.  I really can’t be expected to accommodate such last minute changes,” she was saying to Jane.

Jane had that long suffering look on her face that told Adam she was barely containing her temper.  He knew the feeling, dealing with Abigail was always a trial and she was in full flow tonight.

“Mrs Myers, we couldn’t tell you because we didn’t know that Miriam’s fiancé was going to arrive with a brand new cello for her as a Christmas present.  He only got into town on today’s stage,”  Jane explained as if to a simpleton.

Adam didn’t want to become involved in the argument, so he simply cleared his throat to let the ladies know he was there.

“Ah Adam,” Abigail turned to him with a look of triumph on her face.  “Perhaps you can tell Jane that we don’t have room for a cello player.”

Adam tried to hide his smile. “I’m sure Miriam is very good, Abigail.  If we move some of Slim’s instruments to one side until after the carol service I’m sure we can find room for her.  I don’t mind sitting to one side.”

Abigail’s color rose and she shrugged and walked back to her piano in a huff.

“I don’t think she likes me very much,”  Jane whispered and then giggled.

Adam moved closer and whispered back, “It’s because she used to be in love with me.” He grinned at her, earning himself a light punch on his arm.

He held up his hands to defend himself from further blows.  “It’s true, ask my brothers.  Until she found Hank, she wanted to marry me.”

Jane shook her head, disbelieving.  “Come on and I’ll introduce you to Miriam’s fiancé.”

“Martin and I already know each other,” he told her.   “Not well but as nodding acquaintances.”

“Then come and help him put Miriam’s cello in place,”  Jane insisted, dragging him away from Abigail with a frown.

Miriam was talking to a tall, slim man of about forty-five while her fiancé, Martin Cotton,

stood by smiling.  She looked up as Jane and Adam approached.

“Good evening, Adam.” Martin Cotton spoke first.

“Good evening, Martin.  I hope your trip to San Francisco was a success,”  Adam replied shaking the man’s hand.  “And I know your return will be when there is such a lovely lady as Miriam waiting for you.”

Martin laughed.  “Oh yes very much so.  I believe you and Jane benefited from it a few weeks ago with the visit from the San Francisco Opera Company.  Stephen here is the manager of the company.  Oh and I hear you’ve managed to out maneuver us and plan your wedding before ours.”

Adam smiled at Jane and pulled her close to him.  “I can’t let this one get away.”

Martin turned to the older man,  “Stephen, this is an acquaintance of mine, Adam Cartwright.  For a rancher he knows an awful lot about the theater.  Adam, Stephen Lacey.”

Adam held out his hand to the older man.  “It’s a pleasure to meet you Mr Lacey.  Virginia City thanks you for bringing us such a wonderful company.  Jane and I enjoyed it so much.”

The man bowed in acknowledgement.  “They are a good company but thank Martin, he invited us and…” he laughed, “paid our fees and expenses.  We hope to come back again soon. Miriam tells me that you and Jane are honeymooning in San Francisco.  Please let me give you tickets to our performances while you are there, as a wedding gift.”

Jane clapped her hands in delight.  “Oh isn’t that wonderful, Adam.  We can spend our evenings listening to music.”

Both Martin and Stephen winked at Adam. “The performances finish by ten, Adam.”  Stephen whispered, making Adam grin.

Adam took Jane’s hand.  “Now, if you will excuse us, gentlemen, I am going to take these two lovely ladies away to get ready for the service.”

The service was always beautiful.  The older members of the congregation read from both Matthew and Luke and told the Christmas story.  The school children sang under Abigail’s direction while she played the piano and then Adam and Jane took over and sang some lesser-known Christmas carols and songs.  Adam, as always sang the spiritual that his father loved and then Jane took center stage and sang two quieter carols before finishing with ‘O Come All Ye Faithful.’  Adam and Miriam were supposed to join in and accompany her after the first verse, but as her voice soared in the chorus the whole church fell silent.

Adam could hardly believe his ears.  In their rehearsals they had not bothered to practice this one, it was so well known that they didn’t need to.  He was transported away from Virginia City to a concert hall.  Jane’s voice was pure magic.  It wasn’t until the final verse that Adam and Miriam recovered enough to finish the hymn with her.

“That was beautiful.  I didn’t know you could sing like that,”  Adam told her when he and Jane were walking from the church to the hall for the party.

“You’ve heard me sing everyday for two weeks or more.”  Jane laughed.

“Yes, but never like that.”

“I love singing and being there with all my friends around me, I suppose I just forgot I had an audience and let the music take over.”

Adam smiled at her.  “I hope the music takes over for me when we sing at the party tonight.  You’ve made me feel very inadequate.”

She reached up and touched his face.  “I don’t believe it.  You are always so confident and you have a wonderful voice.”

“If you two don’t stop admiring each other you’ll freeze out here.”  Joe let loose with a cackle as he passed them and ran lightly up the steps to the hall.

The evening passed quickly, Adam and Jane sang with Slim Duncan’s band and then others took over and the two danced.  Adam relinquished her briefly so that others could dance with her but his eyes followed her around the room.  When the evening was over he drove her home and kissed her goodnight, conscious of the family arriving in the yard as he did so.   “Never mind,” he whispered.  “Two days to Christmas and then in three weeks time we’ll be married and I’ll have you all to myself.”

Adam and Jane didn’t see each other on Christmas Day, both feeling it more appropriate to spend their last Christmas as singles with their respective families.  The plan had been for Jane to spend the next day at the Ponderosa but an overnight blizzard that was still raging next morning put paid to that idea and it was four days before Adam could make the ride to the Rossiters.  He was half frozen and Mrs Rossiter ushered him in to the fire.

“Warm yourself up, Adam.  I’ll let Jane know you are here,” she said with a smile.

Adam held out his hands to the fire and wondered where Jane was; usually she rushed to meet him.  If she was anywhere in the house she must have seen or heard him ride up.

A few minutes later Jane came down the stairs and greeted him.  “Hello Adam, you shouldn’t have ridden all this way in such terrible weather.”

Adam leaned forward to kiss her on the lips but she turned her head so that he simply brushed her cheek.  He frowned and looked to see if Mrs Rossiter was still there, but she had left for the kitchen and they were alone.  “Is something wrong?  The snow’s stopped, it wasn’t that bad a trip and anyway I’d ride through a blizzard to see you.  It’s been almost a week.”

“No nothing’s wrong.  I was surprised to see you that’s all.”  Jane seated herself by the fire and held out her hands to the flames.

Adam had the distinct impression that she was avoiding making eye contact with him.

He pulled up a stool and sat at her feet.  “There most definitely is something wrong,” he said softly.  “I know you too well for you to hide it.”

“You only think you know me,” she snapped.

He instinctively retreated from her, settling back on the stool.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.  I’m upset today, that’s all, really it is,”  Jane apologized.

“Is it the wedding?  I know I’m getting nervous.  Joe says I’m impossible to live with, but then he has always thought that.”  He tried a smile but she didn’t reciprocate.  “I thought you would have heard me ride up, but I suppose the snow softens the noise of Sport’s hoof beats. What were you doing?”

She had gone back to staring at the fire.  “Thinking,” she said quietly, her voice cracking a little.

He put a hand out and cupped her chin, gently drawing her to face him.  “About us?” he asked.

She shook her head.  “It’s nothing just me being silly.  I guess I’m nervous too.”

“Are you sure, my love?  I don’t want to force you into a marriage you don’t want.”  His heart was beating far too fast.  He loved her so much and he prayed she still felt the same way.

She sat up straight and put a hand to his cheek. “Yes, I’m sure.  Don’t worry about me. I’m just very scared about becoming Mrs Adam Cartwright in two weeks.  Your father and mine have invited half the territory.  For parents who don’t want us to get married they are certainly making it a big wedding.”

Adam relaxed a little.  “Maybe there will be another blizzard and we’ll be the only ones there,” he joked.  “All I need is you, guests aren’t important.”   He reached into his pocket and pulled out a slim package beautifully wrapped and with a blue ribbon bow.  “I haven’t even given you your Christmas gift yet.  There was never a right moment before Christmas and then with the storm…” He held it out to her.

She took it from him and tore off the ribbon and paper to reveal a leather box lined with velvet and nestling inside a gold chain with a simple locket.  She lifted it from the box and opened the heart shaped locket, it contained a photograph of each of them and on the back of the locket, their initials entwined.  “Oh, Adam its beautiful,” she said breathlessly, then leaned forward and kissed him.

He took full advantage of the kiss pulling her into a warm embrace as he kissed her a second time.  “I was beginning to worry.” He smiled at her.  “I can’t imagine my life without you.”

“You don’t have to,” she replied.  “In two weeks we’ll be married and all my nerves will be gone.”

He cuddled her to him.  “We’ll be away from everyone and San Francisco will be magic.  I can’t wait to show you my favorite galleries and restaurants and we can go to the Opera thanks to Stephen.”

“I’m not sure I’d want to do that,” she cut in quickly.

Adam looked at her, startled.  “But you loved it here at Piper’s.”

“Would you mind very much if we didn’t go?” She gave him such a pleading look that his heart melted.

“We can do whatever you want.  I don’t think I could refuse you anything, especially on our honeymoon.”

“Before you two start thinking too much about honeymoons, we have a wedding to organize.”  Mrs Rossiter had returned with coffee and cinnamon cookies, which she placed on the table.  “Now Adam have you decided on your best man?”

Adam nodded.  “I’ve asked my brother, Hoss.  We’ve always been close and I hope Joe won’t mind too much.”

They continued talking wedding plans until it was time for Adam to leave.  He promised to try to collect Jane for Sunday dinner and then they would probably only see each other once or twice more before the wedding.

As he went into the Rossiter’s barn he was conscious of someone in the shadows.  His hand went to his gun but before he had time to draw it the shadow spoke.

“Don’t shoot me, Adam.  I just need to talk to you.”  Miriam emerged into the fading afternoon light.

Adam relaxed his hand on the gun.  “Miriam, you surprised me.  What are you doing out here in the cold?”

Miriam moved closer to him. “I need to talk to you about Jane, and I don’t want her to hear.” She glanced nervously toward the house. “Stephen has made–“

“Stephen,” Adam said slowly and deeply. He looked at Miriam thoughtfully. “What has he done?”

Miriam hesitated and then explained quickly, “He’s offered her a place with the Opera.”

“Stephen!  He’s done what?”  Adam almost yelled back at her.  “The Opera?  But she never said a word about…” he stopped speaking, remembering Jane’s strange comment about not attending the Opera when they were in San Francisco.

“She’s been worrying about it for days.  She loves you but she wants to sing so much.  I don’t think she realized how much until Stephen made his offer.”  Miriam made a helpless gesture with her hands.

“Then why didn’t she tell me?”  Adam asked, still puzzled and a little angry.

Miriam’s voice softened. “Because she knows you love her and she doesn’t want to hurt you.  She won’t tell you herself.  She made me promise not to say anything…  but I thought you had a right to know.  She wants this so badly, but only you can give it to her.”  She watched his expression.  “It’s not good enough to tell her to take the offer. I tried to tell her that marriage won’t work if she isn’t totally sure.  But she won’t call the wedding off.”

Adam’s face was a mask. “Thank you for telling me Miriam, you are a good friend.  I need to think this through.  Please don’t tell Jane you’ve said anything.”

He led Sport from the barn.

The chestnut tossed its head and whinnied.  He didn’t like standing out here in the cold when a nice warm barn with hot mash might be waiting.  The man crouching at the water’s edge seemed not to have heard and didn’t move a muscle.  He had been like that for almost an hour now.  A few more minutes passed and the moon cast ghostly shadows on the grove of trees around them. Finally Adam rose and idly tossed a pebble into the water.  He watched the ripples spread until they were gone then turned and mounted the chestnut and rode home.

Adam looked up as the door to his room opened and Hoss peered around the door.  “I knocked but you musta bin miles away.  Can I come in?”

Adam waved a hand to a chair.  “Sure make yourself comfortable.  What’s on your mind?”

Hoss pulled the chair up to the bed and surveyed his brother, who was lying on his back with his hands behind his head.  “You,” he said.  “You ain’t said two words since you got back from the Rossiters.”

“And you can’t contain your curiosity or is it Pa?”  Adam smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“You wanna talk?”  He held up a broad hand.  “Let me guess, no you don’t and I should mind my own business.  Adam we always bin able to talk to each other.  Somethin’ is botherin’ you real bad.  I wanna help, so does Pa . . . and Joe would too if’n you’d let him.”

“And you all figured that you were the best one to get me to talk?”

Hoss looked a bit embarrassed.  “Well, yeah, that’s about it.”

Adam sighed and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.  He leaned forward and rested his forearms on his thighs.  “You’re going to know sooner or later, but I’d be grateful if you’d keep it to yourself for now.”

Adam talking this easy was so unusual that Hoss was shocked.

“I’m going to call the wedding off,”  Adam stated baldly.

“Yer, what?  Why?  I mean…”  Hoss stuttered, completely taken aback.

“I haven’t told Jane yet.  But the wedding is off.”

“Mind tellin’ me why?”

Adam glanced up at his brother and saw only love and concern.  “I could tell you that I don’t love Jane, but that wouldn’t be true, although that’s what I’m going to tell her.”  He quietly told Hoss what Miriam had said.

“You sure it ain’t just Miriam guessing at what Jane thinks?”  his brother asked.

“I rode into Virginia City and spoke to Lacey.  He made the offer and a darn good one.  Jane gets music tuition and a voice coach, all her expenses paid and a salary as soon as she can join the company.”  Adam sat up and sighed.  “It’s what she wants, how can I stop her.”

“How dya’ know she wants it?  You only got Miriam’s word for that.”

Adam shook his head.  “I know.  Things she said.  She tried to convince me it was wedding nerves and in a way it is.  She cares enough to want to spare me hurt but not enough to make a sound basis for marriage, Hoss.”

He got up and began to pace.  “If I talk to her about it she’ll convince me that I’m wrong because that is what I want to hear.  I have to be the strong one.  If I love her, and I do, then I have to let her go.  Maybe someday she’ll come back to me.  If I keep her then I’ll kill the love we have.  She’ll always wonder what it would have been like to be an opera singer.”

Hoss got to his feet and rested a hand on his brother’s shoulder.  “If’n you need me then…”

Adam turned to face him, “I know, brother.”

Adam rose early next morning. He wanted to be away from the house before the family could question him.  He’d made his decision and he knew that if he talked about it anymore he would weaken.  He wasted some time checking over the herd on his way to the Rossiters but still arrived before they had finished breakfast.

“Adam!”   Bill Rossiter greeted him with surprise as he swung down from his horse and looped the reins over the rail.  “What brings you out here this early?  Jane wasn’t expecting you until this afternoon.”

“Morning Mr Rossiter, I wanted a word with Jane about the wedding.”

Rossiter nodded but his slightly puzzled expression remained.  “She’s in the kitchen with her mother.

“I’d like to talk in private if that’s alright with you, sir?”

Rossiter slapped him on the back. “Son, you will be married in a little over a week, I reckon I can trust you.” He laughed.  “Look, I know I was against this marriage but I want you to know that I’ve changed my mind.  I couldn’t wish for a better son-in-law or Jane for a better husband.  You’re a fine young man and a credit to your Pa.”

Adam blushed.  If only Rossiter knew what he was about to do. “Thank you, sir.  I hope your opinion of me doesn’t change.”

Jane was washing dishes, a flowered pinafore covered her workday blue dress and her hair was tied up with a scarf.  Adam came into the kitchen behind her and his heart missed a beat, even dressed like this she looked beautiful.  Mrs Rossiter saw him first and smiled.

“Goodness gracious Adam, you gave me a start.”

“Good morning  ma’am.  I’m sorry if I startled you.  Mr Rossiter said it was alright to come on in.”

Jane spun around in horror when she heard his voice.  “Adam!”  She put her hands to her hair and then to her apron.  “I wasn’t expecting you,” she said, flustered and blushing.

He wished she didn’t look so desirable when she blushed. It made his task a hundred times harder.  “I’d like to talk.”

Mrs Rossiter took her cue, nicely.  “I’ll go start on the laundry, dear.  Make Adam a fresh cup of coffee.”

Jane busied herself with the coffee pot to hide her embarrassment.  “I know there is lots still to arrange but I thought you were coming over this afternoon.  I would have changed out of this dress if…”

He took the coffee pot from her and placed it on the stove.  “Never mind the coffee or the dress.  I have something important to say and I need you to listen.”  He led her to a chair and waited until she was seated before pulling up another for himself. “Jane, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll be direct.  I’ve been thinking over what my father and your father have been saying and they are right.”

“Right, right about what?”  she interrupted.

“Right about us. You are too young for me.  I’ve had other women and I need an experienced woman, you are a child.” The words hurt him as much as they hurt her.  He saw her face crumple.

“But we said it didn’t matter, that you would teach me. I don’t care about before.”

“No, Jane, it won’t work. I’m calling the wedding off.”  Even as he spoke so firmly his resolve wavered.  She didn’t see her way out and she wasn’t going to make it easy for him.

“But the arrangements are all made, my dress, our guests… it’s only a week away.  I thought you loved me, you said you did and I love you.”

He could see tears in her eyes. Maybe Miriam was wrong and she did love him more than the music.  He hesitated for a brief moment but he knew he was fooling himself.  “We can cancel arrangements.  It’s for the best. You’ll meet someone else, someone your own age.  You need to meet more men before you decide on one.  We’ve rushed things and it isn’t right,  ” he said avoiding the question of his love for her.

As Jane burst into tears, her father came through the kitchen door.  He went straight to his daughter.  “What on earth… what have you been saying to her, boy?”

Adam got to his feet.  “I’m sorry for upsetting her, but the wedding is off.  You were right; it won’t work.  I’ll cancel all the arrangements, Jane won’t have to do anything.”

Rossiter’s mouth dropped open.  He had come to terms with the wedding and now this man was spurning his daughter.  All his fatherly instincts came into play.  “Get out of my house before I… How can you do this to her?  I’ll see you in hell before I let you humiliate my daughter in this way.”

Adam looked helplessly from sobbing daughter to angry father and did the only thing he could; he walked out and swung into Sport’s saddle.  He was hurting as much, if not more, than Jane but he couldn’t let her see that.

He didn’t know how long he was riding or even where he was heading but eventually he found himself at the lake beside his stepmother’s grave.  He dismounted and hunkered down beside the headstone.  “I sure make a mess of my love life, don’t I?”  he whispered, laying a hand on the stone.

Today should have been his wedding day.  His family was avoiding him, and people in town shunned him, whispering behind his back.  He had completed his chores early and taken a fishing pole and headed up to the lake.  It was way too cold for fishing and he knew it but it gave him and excuse. He sat staring out at the water and hurting.  This was where Hoss found him in the middle of the afternoon.

“Thought you might need a hand,” Hoss offered as he dropped onto the ground beside his older brother. “You ain’t got too many fish there, but then its pretty cold and I guess they ain’t bin jumping out into the basket.”  He indicated the empty wicker fish basket and the rod at Adam’s side, the unbaited hook lying in the sand.

Adam didn’t answer or look up.  “You want I should leave you alone?”  Hoss asked.

“No, but I’m not very good company,”  Adam said quietly.

They sat side by side for a while in silence.  Finally, Hoss cleared his throat and spoke.  “Saw Bill Rossiter today.  He’s a lot calmer and pretty apologetic.  Said he understood.”

Adam nodded. “She’s gone then?”

“Left yesterday.  Bill said he hadn’t known anything about the offer until she said she was going a few days ago.  He gave me this for you.”  Hoss held out an envelope.

His brother took it and sighed as he saw the writing.  He slipped a finger inside the flap and opened it, drawing out a sheet of paper with clear round hand writing.

Dearest Adam

            I am so sorry.  I have had time to think this week. Stephen told me you had been to see him.  I know now that what you did was from love.  You know me better than I know myself.  You were right, I was in love with the idea of loving you.  You have always been my hero and my mentor. I will always remember you with affection and perhaps someday you will come to the Opera and see the gift you have given so unselfishly.  I hope you will find someone worthy of that unselfish love, she will indeed be a lucky woman.

With much thanks

Jane

He folded the letter and replaced it in the envelope then slipped it into his pocket.  He picked up the fishing pole and got to his feet.  “C’mon brother, let’s go home.  We can ride into town and I’ll buy you a few whiskeys at the Silver Dollar.  The wedding may be cancelled but that’s no reason not to have a guys night out.”

Note: Three years later.  Adam was in the audience at the San Francisco Opera to hear Jane sing the aria from The Barber of Seville.

The End