Summary: Hoss tries to overcome his fear of water.
Rating: G 9,175 words
You Can Lead a Hoss To Water …
Hoss gazed out over the clear blue stretch of water in front of him and tried not to shudder visibly in front of his father and brothers. ‘Come on Hoss, hurry up!’ shouted Little Joe excitedly as he pulled off his boots. ‘I’m gonna beat ya in the water iffen ya don’t!’ Hoss frowned as he continued to gaze over the lake silently. He didn’t know why it was, but every time he stood here and looked at the clear water something in him shrank away from it and he hated himself for it. ‘Come on Hoss!” called Little Joe again. ‘I’m going in!’
‘Joseph you’ll wait for everyone else as you’ve been told to do,’ said his father sternly as he took off his own boots. ‘I’ve told you before about going into the water alone young man!’ Joe made a face as he retreated from the water’s edge. Ben exchanged a smile with Adam as he took off his shirt and bent down to slap his youngest son’s bare bottom playfully. ‘Sit down and be patient,’ he instructed the boy. ‘We’ve got plenty of time.’ He glanced over to where Hoss was standing beside the water and his heart went out to the boy.
Hoss had always found it difficult to be comfortable around water and although he tried to be patient with him, his father didn’t really understand why. For as long as he could remember, Ben himself had felt a great affinity with water. He smiled gently as he remembered the way his own father had expressed it … ‘water in his veins’ had been what he’d said way back when Ben had been a boy himself. He remembered so many good times he’d had down by the waterhole with his friends on hot summer afternoons, splashing in the water and testing their swimming skills. It had been something that he wanted to hand on to his own sons and he revelled in the rare afternoons like this one when they could all be together without worrying about work and the problems of the ranch … Times when they could just relax and enjoy themselves.
Ben had indulged his passion for water as he grew older by developing an interest in the sea, and had of course eventually made it his livelihood. Those years when he had sailed had been some of the most carefree and happy of his life. It was before he’d settled down and married Elizabeth, Adam’s mother, and even though he would never in a million years have traded the way his life had gone for one moment back on the sea, there were times when he admitted to himself that he did miss it.
He smiled as Little Joe looked up at him with pleading eyes. The boy was obviously desperately anxious to get into the water and Ben didn’t have the heart to deny him any longer. ‘Adam?’ he said. ‘Why don’t you take your little brother in first? Hoss and I will be there in a few minutes.’
‘Sure Pa,’ said Adam as he flung his shirt off and stood up. ‘Come on squirt … come with me.’
Little Joe let out an ear-piercing squeal that made his father frown and shake his head. ‘Come on Adam!’ he shouted as he jumped up and pulled on his brother’s hand. ‘Let’s go!’ Ben laughed as the little boy tried to drag his older brother forcibly into the water. Joseph approached swimming like he did everything else in life … with a great deal of enthusiasm and no feeling of fear at all. The youngster was simply excited about this as he was about everything else in life and it warmed Ben’s heart to see it. He glanced over to Hoss again and his heart constricted. ‘Hoss?’ he said. ‘Are you going to get ready son?’
Hoss turned and forced a smile onto his face as he looked at his father. ‘Sure thing Pa,’ he said and began to undo his shirt buttons slowly.
Ben came to stand beside him and waited as he gazed across the water to where Adam was holding onto Little Joe in the water. ‘Not too far out!’ he shouted.
Adam nodded at him as he tried to hang onto the wriggling mass of arms and legs that was his youngest brother. Joe ducked under the water several times and giggled incessantly as he did so. ‘Look Pa!’ he shouted delightedly. ‘I’m nearly swimming!’
Ben waved his hand at the child and smiled … It was true. Young as the little boy was, he was already successfully floating on his own and it was only the technique of how to propel himself forward that he still need to work on. He watched as Adam tried to slow his brother’s exuberance down enough so that he could listen to his instructions about how to move his arms and laughed out loud. ‘That boy won’t stay still long enough to learn the proper way to swim in a million years,’ he chuckled.
Hoss sat down to pull off his boots. ‘He’s doing real fine but Pa, ain’t he?’ he asked in a low voice.
Ben sat down next to the boy. ‘Yes he is,’ he agreed. He glanced down at the boy beside him. ‘How about we leave them to it and you and I go around the shore a bit to practice?’
Hoss nodded gratefully as he stood up to strip off his pants. ‘That’d be good Pa,’ he said. ‘I reckon I’d like that.’
‘Come on then,’ said his father as he stood up and pulled the boy to his feet. ‘We’ll go around here aways.’ He waved to Adam who waved back as best he could while still trying to control the slippery body of Little Joe as he ducked up and down in the water.
As Ben led Hoss into the water he sensed the hesitation of the boy beside him and remembered teaching Adam to swim many years ago while they were still on the trail coming west. His eldest son had been very determined to learn the technique of swimming at that time and had taken to it … Ben smiled … well, he’d taken to it like a duck to water as the saying went. It seemed that Little Joe was to be the same. Hoss, however, was another matter. He wondered if the boy’s obvious dislike of water came from the fact that he’d been born out on the prairie miles from any stretch of water … but he dismissed the thought as pure fancy. Whatever the reason, his middle son was definitely much happier with his two feet firmly planted on the solid ground.
He kept leading Hoss out into the lake until the water was up to the boy’s waist. ‘Let’s try some of the things we did last time son,’ he said gently as he looked into the boy’s eyes. Hoss tried to smile back at his father, but Ben noticed that his fingers dug deeply into his father’s arm as he tried to appear causal.
‘OK Pa,’ he said and swallowed before closing his eyes and ducking his head under the water. Ben held onto the boy as he came up again spluttering, knowing just how much courage it took for him to even do that much.
‘Well done,’ he said. ‘Now let’s get you floating, will we?’ He winced as Hoss fingers dug into him even more deeply and he allowed the boy to hold onto him as he tilted him backwards until he was lying on his back and staring up at the blue sky.
‘Don’t let go Pa,’ said Hoss urgently. ‘Ya ain’t letting me go, are ya?’
‘I’m not letting you go son,’ his father assured him as he allowed the boy to rest on his arms while floating. ‘I promise you I’m not letting you go.’ Father and son remained in this position for a few minutes while Hoss gradually relaxed under his father’s control. He looked at Ben and gave him a tentative smile. ‘You’re doing well son,’ said Ben encouragingly ‘How about I just slip my hands away now and see if you can do it by yourself now?’
‘No Pa!’ said Hoss, clutching at his father again. ‘Don’t!’
‘Son it’ll be all right,’ his father assured him. ‘You’ll do fine and I’ll be right here beside you in case.’
‘No Pa!’ shouted Hoss again. ‘Don’t let me go!’
Ben sighed. ‘All right,’ he said. He swayed the boy backwards and forwards a little as he listened to the sound of splashing coming from further around in the lake. Joseph was obviously giving his eldest brother plenty of exercise while he tried out his swimming skills, that was for sure and he wished that Hoss could be as confident in the water as his younger brother. He knew that lately Hoss had begun to feel embarrassed about being so fearful in the water and particularly so since Joseph had begun to learn to swim during the past few months. He desperately wanted for Hoss to be able to overcome his fear and feel more confident in the water, but honestly he just didn’t know what else he could do. Even today’s excursion had been planned mostly with the boy in mind. Ben was determined to give his son as much opportunity to learn to swim as was possible.
‘Pa? Can I get down now?’
Ben let Hoss down gently until the boy was once again standing gingerly beside him again. ‘There,’ he said with a broad grin. ‘That wasn’t too bad, was it?’ he asked and patted Hoss on the shoulder as he shook his head. ‘How about we go out a bit deeper?’ he asked. Hoss looked tentative and so before he could object Ben began to walk him out even further until the boy was chest deep in the water.
At that moment there was a splashing sound behind them and Ben turned to see Little Joe paddling towards them with his head poking up above the water and his arms and legs paddling him along. He was grinning at his father as he approached him, his wet curly hair sticking up in disarray all around his head. ‘I’m sorry Pa,’ said Adam as he swam up lazily beside his father. ‘He just took off on me.’
‘Look Pa!’ cried Little Joe excitedly. ‘I’m swimming all by myself!’ He paddled around the back of his father and began to tread water, covering them all with large splashes as he did so.
‘Quit it!’ shouted Hoss, stepping closer to his father. ‘Stop all that splashing!’
‘You try it Hoss,’ said Little Joe excitedly as he continued to splash furiously. ‘It’s fun!’ He hopped onto his brother’s back with a swift movement and began to splash around him happily.
‘Stop it!’ shouted Hoss. Ben could see that the boy was beginning to panic and so he reached out to hold onto him while Little Joe continued to bounce up and down on his back. ‘Stop it Joe!’ shouted Hoss again.
Ben reached out and grabbed Little Joe off Hoss’ back and held onto the wet wriggling boy. ‘Joseph keep still for a moment,’ he admonished his son. ‘Hoss come back here!’ He watched as Hoss began to retreat towards the shoreline again.
Hoss shook his head. ‘I’m just gonna get out fer a bit Pa,’ he said.
Ben watched sadly as his son reached the edge of the water and sat down to catch his breath. ‘Hey Pa!’ shouted Little Joe as he wriggled in his father’s arms. ‘Let me go! I wanna show ya how I can swim!’ Ben let go of the child and watched proudly as the little boy paddled around him, his eyes on his youngest boy …. but his heart with his middle boy sitting sadly next to the lake.
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Ben shifted a sleeping Little Joe onto his other arm to ease the pressure of the limp little body against his own. ‘You want me to hold him for a while?’ asked Adam as he drew up next to his father’s horse.
‘No thank you son,’ replied his father. ‘He’s fine.’ Ben looked down at the sleeping child in front of him on the saddle and wondered at how the small boy could go from being such an energetic bundle to being so deep in sleep in such a short time. No wonder he did though, with all the energy he did use when he was awake. Ben glanced back over his shoulder as Hoss who was riding a few paces behind himself and Adam. ‘You could do one thing for me though son,’ he said. ‘Just ride ahead for a bit. I’d like to talk to your brother in private for a few minutes.’ Adam nodded and picked up his pace until he was a few steps ahead of his father’s horse, while Ben allowed his own mount to lag a bit until he was level with Hoss.
‘Have a good afternoon son?’ he asked warily. He noted Hoss’ slumped position in the saddle, a sure sign that things weren’t right with the boy.
‘I guess so Pa.’
‘Something the matter?’
Hoss shrugged. ‘I dunno,’ he said in a low voice. ‘I jest wish I could swim I guess.’
Ben smiled at his son. ‘It’ll come Hoss. Just give it time son.’
Hoss looked over at his father. ‘But when Pa?’ he asked plaintively. ‘I mean …. Little Joe can swim better ‘n me and he’s only five!’
Ben gave a short chuckle as he looked down at the curly head that rested against his chest. ‘I wouldn’t exactly call what your brother was doing in the lake swimming,’ he said. ‘He only paddles around a bit yet.’
‘Still better ‘n me!’ declared Hoss. ‘I jest feel scared in the water Pa! I can’t help it.’
‘Son you’ll get over that,’ his father assured him. ‘Just give it time.’
‘But I’m eleven Pa! Most boys my age can swim real good by now. Why can’t I?’
‘You just need to get over your fear of the water, that’s all,’ his father replied. ‘Lots of people have a fear of something son and water just is yours, that’s all. You’ll feel better about it when you’ve got a bit more confidence and can swim a bit.’
‘Don’t see why I haveta learn anyways,’ muttered Hoss. ‘Don’t see why I can’t jest not swim ever!’
‘You have to learn to swim for two reasons son,’ his father said. ‘Firstly because of safety. I can’t have you place yourself in danger because you can’t swim. You never know when you might have to take care of yourself or someone else around water. And secondly you have to learn to swim because it’s important for everyone to learn to face their fears. You need to do it for your own self confidence Hoss.’
Hoss nodded reluctantly. ‘I guess you’re right Pa,’ he said mournfully. ‘I’ll try.’
Ben leant over to pat the boy on the shoulder, the movement disturbing the sleeping child in his arms who began to murmur in his sleep. ‘Good boy,’ he said. ‘That’s all I ask son. You do your best and I’m sure you’ll get there eventually.’ Hoss gave his father a reluctant smile.
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The water lapped around his shoulders as it began to rise steadily towards his head. Hoss took a deep breath and tried to quell his rising anxiety as he felt the moisture creep up towards his neck and then reach the bottom of his chin. He opened his mouth to yell, but the water began to dribble inside before he could get a word out and he felt himself being dragged downwards until his head disappeared and all he could see was the murky depths below him. He struggled frantically to reach upwards towards the air, his arms and legs flailing desperately as he felt himself descending lower and lower into the depths. His lungs were nearly bursting with the exertion of trying to breathe and he felt his head begin to spin as unconsciousness overcame him. His body gradually began to go limp and he surrendered himself to the blackness.
‘Hoss!’ Hoss opened his eyes and blinked several times in the darkness. Beside him a small light appeared as the lamp on his dresser was turned up and he saw the outline of his brother Adam beside him. ‘Hoss!’ whispered Adam again. ‘Are you all right?’
Hoss blinked again before nodding his head at his brother. ‘Yeah,’ he said, trying to control his ragged breathing. ‘I’m OK.’
‘You were yelling in your sleep,’ said Adam as he sat down on the edge of the bed. ‘Bad dream?’
Hoss nodded silently.
‘You want to talk about it?’
‘Nah! I’ll be OK.’
Adam stood up again. ‘Well come into my room if you need to,’ he said. ‘Good night.’
‘Night Adam.’ Hoss rolled over onto his side and stared at the wall. Why did he feel like this? Why did the dream come back over and over again? It was always the same one … He found himself being dragged down underwater and the effort of trying to breathe frightened him so much that he dreaded going back to sleep again. Reluctantly he closed his eyes.
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‘So what are your plans for today?’ asked Ben the next morning at breakfast. It was summer holidays and there was no school for his middle son, and he was very sure what the boy’s answer would be. Even at eleven Hoss was dying to leave school permanently and join his father and older brother working on the ranch and he usually took every opportunity to make his contribution during his holidays in order to prove to his father that he was a good worker. Ben had to admit that he was, too. He looked forward to the day when Hoss would join him and Adam as the boy was obviously a born rancher and delighted so much in the work. So it was with a great deal of surprise that he heard the boy’s reply.
‘I thought I might jest go for a ride and maybe some fishin,’ said Hoss, not meeting his father’s eye.
‘Really? Well that sounds fine son,’ said Ben, trying to hide his surprised look. ‘You have a good time.’
‘Me too!’ declared Little Joe. ‘I’m gonna go fishin with Hoss!’
Ben stole a glance at Hoss to gauge his reaction to his little brother’s remark and was again surprised to see that the boy didn’t look too pleased. Normally his younger two sons got on extremely well and Hoss never minded his little brother tagging along with him. He had a lot of patience with the child and seemed to really enjoy his company. ‘Not today Little Joe,’ he said and noted the relieved look on Hoss’ face.
‘Why not?’ demanded Joe in his usual indignant tone which he used when told that he couldn’t do something. ‘We’s going fishin together, ain’t we Hoss?’
‘I said no,’ repeated his father. ‘You’re going to come to town with me this morning.’
‘Oh.’ Little Joe considered his possibilities for a moment and obviously decided that going to town with his father wasn’t the worst of the options, as he instantly closed his mouth and directed his attention to his breakfast.
‘Nice day for fishing,’ mused Adam. ‘Maybe I’ll join you up there later this afternoon after my work is finished.’
Once again, Ben was surprised to see the reluctant look come into Hoss’ eyes. For some reason the boy wanted to be alone today and he made a mental note to let Adam know later on that it might be best not to go. ‘If ya like,’ muttered Hoss, somewhat reluctantly. He stood up and wiped his mouth on his napkin. ‘I’ll see ya later on,’ he said. ‘Bye.’
‘Bye Hoss!’ called out Little Joe happily. ‘I’ll bring ya home some of my candy from town!’ He eyed off his father somewhat appraisingly. ‘ … if I get any,’ he added warily, noting the stern look that came into the man’s eye. ‘ … if I’m good enough,’ he added, to make sure. He grinned at his father and began to make a big show of eating his breakfast as if to prove the point. Ben raised an eyebrow at him as he looked over the rim of his coffee cup.
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Hoss stood and looked across the clear blue surface of the water and shuddered visibly as he felt a cold shiver race down his backbone. There it was again … the feeling of dread that came over him every time he even considered going into the lake. ‘Don’t be so stupid!’ he said out loud. ‘It can’t hurt ya and ya know it!’ He sat down and began to pull off his boots in a determined fashion, ignoring the feeling as it washed over him. As he stripped down he felt his breathing once more begin to go ragged and he took a deep breath before entering the water. With a determined jut of his chin he walked into the lake until it was up to his knees and then sat down and looked at the clear water as it swirled around him.
With a determined look at his reflection on the surface, Hoss began to edge himself forward until the water was up around his armpits. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, feeling the moisture swirl around his head as he looked up to the blue sky above him. ‘You can do it,’ he said out loud as if to prove it to himself. ‘Easy now and jest lie back like Pa showed ya Hoss.’ He gradually tilted his head further back until he could feel himself lying flat on the surface, his arms dangling below him and his fingertips just touching the bottom of the lake.
Hoss gradually relaxed as he felt the cold water lapping around him. Gradually he brought his fingertips up until he was floating on the surface, his eyes closed as he concentrated on staying afloat. ‘Ain’t too bad,’ he murmured to himself in a determined fashion. ‘Ain’t too bad at all.’
He dropped his arms again to feel the bottom and realised with a start that it wasn’t there anymore. With a shake he made to stand up again, bringing his head upright and bringing his legs towards the bottom. Hoss began to panic as he realised that he couldn’t even reach the bottom with his feet anymore and he looked around in desperation to find that while he’d been floating he’d drifted a bit further out from the shoreline and was now out of his depth.
He tried to push himself forward, but in his panicked stated only managed to drift further away from the shoreline. His head sank below the surface and he struggled to push himself up again, his lungs desperately gasping for air. Just like in my dream! He thought as a further rush of panic overcame him. Why did I think I could do this? His arms and legs began flailing about in desperation as he went under the water again and again and he relieved the dream that he was so scared of.
Just as Hoss thought that his lungs would burst, he felt himself being pulled up to the surface by a strong hand and he broke through the top of the water to find himself staring into the angry eyes of a man who was holding onto him by the hair. ‘What the hell do ya think you’re doing boy?’ shouted the man. ‘Ain’t ya got no sense not ta come into the water if ya can’t swim?’ He didn’t wait for Hoss’ reply, which was just as well as the boy was gasping for air and unable to say a word. Instead he merely hauled Hoss out of the water behind him and plonked onto the ground beside the lake.
Hoss took several deep breaths and tried to control his breathing. ‘Thanks,’ he said finally.
‘The man continued to glare at him. ‘What kind of dad-blamed trick was that?’ he said angrily. ‘You got no cause going inta that water if ya can’t take care of yaself boy! Ya coulda drowned if I hadn’t come along!’
In spite of himself, Hoss’ eyes filled with tears and he hung his head in an attempt to hide the fact from the man. ‘I know,’ he said miserably. ‘I’m sorry.’
The man’s expression softened. ‘Well …’ he said. ‘Just don’t do it again until ya can swim boy. Ya shouldn’t be here by yaself if ya can’t ya know.’
‘I know,’ Hoss wiped his eyes on his bare arm. ‘I was trying ta learn is all.’
The man looked at the youngster appraisingly. ‘Ain’t ya go no folks ta teach ya?’ he asked.
Hoss nodded ‘Yeah,’ he admitted. ‘My Pa and my brother been helping me learn. I jest thought I could try by myself fer a bit is all. I’m sick of …’ his voice trailed away.
‘Sick of what?’
Not being able to I guess,’ ended Hoss reluctantly. He didn’t want this stranger to know how embarrassed he was at not being able to swim. ‘My Pa and my brother …. Well they’re real good at swimming and …. Well … I want to be good at it too …. But …’
‘But you’re scared of it?’
Hoss looked at the man properly for the first time. ‘Yeah,’ he admitted. He noted the stranger’s unkempt appearance. He was dressed in buckskins and looked as though he hadn’t shaved in a very long time. His beard reached down around his chest and his hair was long as well. Hoss couldn’t remember ever having seen him around. ‘Who are you mister?’ he asked finally.
‘Name’s Sam … Sam Hopkins,’ replied the man in a terse voice. He looked away from Hoss, obviously reluctant to meet his eye.
‘Sam Hopkins,’ mused Hoss out loud. ‘I heard that name somewheres but I can’t remember where.’
‘I’m sure ya ain’t ever heard of me,’ said the man. ‘Leastways it ain’t important if ya have. You live round these parts boy?’
Hoss nodded. ‘I live on The Ponderosa,’ he explained. ‘My Pa owns it.’
‘You Ben Cartwright’s boy?’
Hoss nodded. ‘Yeah,’ he said and noted a look of recognition come into the man’s eyes as he did so. ‘You know him?’
Sam looked away again. ‘I used ta,’ he muttered. He stared out over the lake in silence for a few minutes. ‘It might be best if ya don’t mention to ya Pa that ya met me here,’ he said finally.
‘Why?’
Sam shrugged. ‘No reason,’ he said. He looked at Hoss again. ‘Can I trust ya not to?’
‘Yes I suppose so,’ replied Hoss. ‘But why? I mean … ya saved my life and all.’
Sam glared at him. ‘I did save ya life boy,’ he said. ‘And ya owe me. Ya ain’t ta tell ya Pa we met …. Understaood?’
Hoss hesitated. He was essentially a very truthful boy and hated to lie under any circumstances. Finally he nodded. ‘I won’t tell,’ he said. ‘Unless my Pa asks me.’
Sam stared at him for a moment and then grinned. ‘Fair enough,’ he said. ‘Unless ya Pa asks ya.’ He chuckled as he stood up. ‘Well I’m off now,’ he said. ‘Bye.’
‘Where ya going Mr Hopkins?’ asked Hoss as he stood up as well. ‘Where do ya live?’
Sam looked into the distance for a moment before replying. ‘I live anywhere around these parts,’ he said, waving his arms around. ‘Anywhere I feels like.’ He looked down at Hoss again. ‘Ya stay outta that water now, ya hear?’ Hoss said nothing. ‘Did ya hear me boy?’ repeated the man.
Hoss shook his head. ‘I gotta go back in,’ he said in a low voice. ‘I jest gotta.’
Sam took the boy by the arm and shook him. ‘Ya mind what I say!’ he said angrily. ‘Ya stay outta that water! I got no mind ta come along and fish out ya dead body!’
Hoss took a determined breath and looked at the man. ‘But I jest gotta Mr Hopkins,’ he said. ‘Don’t ya understand?’
‘I understand ya’re gonna kill yaself,’ replied Sam. ‘Don’t be such a danged fool boy!’
Hoss hung his head. ‘I ain’t being a fool,’ he muttered. ‘I jest gotta learn ta swim is all.’
‘Well then ask ya Pa ta teach ya!’
Hoss shook his head. ‘My Pa said I gotta learn ta face my fears,’ he said. ‘I reckon that the best way ta do that is by myself.’
Sam put his hand under the boy’s chin and pulled his face up until their eyes met. They stared at each other for a few minutes in silence until the man spoke. ‘I reckon ya are Ben Cartwright’s son fer sure,’ he said.
Hoss frowned. ‘What’s that mean?’ he asked.
Sam shook his head. ‘Nothin,’ he said. ‘Well ya just be careful boy, ya hear?’
‘I will,’ said Hoss. ‘I promise.’ He watched as the man walked slowly away, trailing his rifle behind him. With a sigh, Hoss turned to face the water again.
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‘You going fishing again today Hoss?’ asked Adam.
‘Yeah,’ Hoss muttered as he shovelled another mouthful of food into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. He didn’t feel comfortable not being completely honest with his father and brother and he supposed that he was kind of telling the truth anyway. For the past week he had been going up to the lake each day and at least part of the day he spent fishing. The rest of the day he mostly sat in the shallow water trying to gain the confidence to drift out to the deeper water, and a few times he’d managed to do so before the feeling of fear descended upon him again. He was always careful not to get out of his depth now and somehow hoped that one of these days he’d feel confident enough to do so.
‘You’re sure keen on fishing lately son,’ said his father. ‘How come?’
‘I dunno Pa,’ muttered Hoss. ‘I jest like it is all.’
‘Me too!’ declared Little Joe, although his father suspected that if Hoss had said that he liked jumping off a cliff his little brother would have agreed to liking that as well. After a week of Hoss shunning his company, Joe was desperate to join him in his day’s activities at any cost and Ben knew it. ‘I’m going with Hoss today!’ the little boy declared.
‘You’re not doing anything of the sort,’ replied his father calmly. ‘I’ve told you before Joseph that you don’t go near that lake unless Adam or myself are with you.’
‘Well then Adam can come fishin too!’ said his youngest son with faultless logic. ‘We can all go together!’
‘Adam has work to do,’ replied Ben calmly, even though he knew what was coming.
Little Joe immediately put a pout on his face. ‘Then you come Pa,’ he said.
‘I’m working as well.’
Little Joe thought for a moment. ‘I’m going fishing with Hoss,’ he declared again when no other argument occurred to him.
Ben ignored the remark.
‘Pa?’ asked Hoss suddenly.
‘Yes son?’
‘Have ya ever heard of a man called Sam Hopkins?’ Hoss studied his father’s face intently for any sign of recognition and wasn’t disappointed. Ben immediately looked startled.
‘I certainly have. Now where on earth did you hear of Sam Hopkins?’
Hoss shrugged. ‘I dunno,’ he said vaguely. ‘I must jest heard the name somewheres but I can’t remember.’
‘I’m going fishing now,’ interrupted Little Joe as he began to climb down from his chair. Ben reached out and hauled the little boy back onto it again without taking his eyes off Hoss.
‘Seems strange that you’d ask son,’ he said.
‘Well …’ Hoss searched his brain to think of something. ‘I musta heard it in town I reckon,’ he said. ‘Who is he Pa?’
‘Sam Hopkins is someone who used to live around here a long time ago,’ replied his father.
‘Used to?’ asked Hoss. ‘Where does he live now?’
‘I gotta get ready ta go fishing!’ interrupted Little Joe again and began to once again climb down from his chair. Ben reached over and pulled the small boy towards him and swatted him on the backside twice before placing him firmly once again back on his chair. ‘Sit still!’ he said sternly. ‘He still lives around these parts,’ said Ben evasively. ‘Just not in any one spot that’s all.’
‘How come?’
‘Isn’t it time you left?’ asked Ben. ‘You don’t want to miss any of those fish if they’re biting today son.’
Little Joe opened his mouth to speak again, but before he could Adam cut across him. ‘How about you help me this morning little buddy?’ he asked. ‘I’m whitewashing the smokehouse and you know how you love to paint.’
Joe thought for a split second before quickly transferring his affections from one brother to the other. ‘OK,’ he said happily. He looked at his father and waited for his father to nod before getting off his chair again.
‘Don’t forget the water, son,’ Ben said as Adam stood up and helped Joe off his chair. Adam smiled and nodded at his father. They had learned from experience to water down Joe’s bucket of whitewash until it was no more than slightly milky water. It saved Hop Sing a lot of work in the washhouse.
‘How come Pa?’ persisted Hoss. ‘How come Sam Hopkins don’t live in any one place?’
‘He likes to rove around a bit,’ explained his father. ‘He just likes his own company. Some people call him a hermit because of it.’
‘He don’t come ta town then?’ asked Hoss.
‘Not any more,’ replied his father. ‘Not for many years. He tends to live off the land.’
‘Did ya know him?’
Ben hesitated. ‘Yes son, I used to know him,’ he said. ‘I haven’t seen him for a long time though.’ He looked thoughtful. ‘Why all the questions?’
‘No reason Pa,’ said Hoss, getting up from the table. ‘Jest curious is all. Well I’d better get going.’
‘Hoss?’
‘Yeah Pa?’
‘Why aren’t you interested in helping out on the ranch this summer son? I thought you enjoyed working with your brother and myself.’
Hoss looked uneasy. ‘I do,’ he muttered. ‘I jest … I’m jest liking fishing fer a change is all. I’ll help if ya want me to though.’
‘No son, that’s fine … I was just wondering, that’s all. As long as you do your chores your days are for you to enjoy while school is out. Have a good time fishing.’
‘I will.’ Hoss hesitated. ‘I’ll … well I’ll take Joe with me soon Pa.’
Ben smiled. ‘He’d like that,’ he said. ‘Thank you son.’ He watched as his son left the room. There was obviously something eating away at the boy and he hoped that he’d confide in him soon.
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Hoss gazed up at the blue sky above him and felt the water lapping around his head. His back was placed firmly on the bottom of the lake as he lay in two feet of shallow water and he was comforted by the feel of the pebbles beneath him. He wondered briefly how many times he would need to come here like this before he was ready to trust himself to drift into deeper water and decided that he was probably fighting a losing battle. For that was how he felt … it was a battle of wills …. His own will against the fear that he felt.
He turned his head to stare once again into the bushes by the side of the lake and screwed up his face as he tried to peer into them. He didn’t know why, but every day during the past week when he came here he felt as if he were being watched. It was silly really, as there was no reason to think so. He’d never seen anyone since that day when Sam Hopkins had rescued him and he didn’t know of anyone who would be up here in this lonely spot.
He sat up and peered into the bushes more intently as the feeling overcame him once again, and this time he could have sworn that he saw a movement. ‘Who’s there?’ he shouted. There was no response and he shrugged as he lay down again, thinking that it must have been his imagination. Suddenly the bushes parted and Sam Hopkins strode out of them. Hoss sat up again with a start.
‘You yelling at me boy?’ asked Sam as he sat down beside the lake.
‘What … what are ya doing here?’ asked Hoss. ‘Why were ya in them bushes?’
‘I told you boy. I don’t relish the thought of picking your dead carcass outta that lake one day. If you’re fool enough to keep coming up here then I guess I gotta make sure that you don’t end up needing me to fish ya out again,’ Sam said with a slight smile on his face. ‘What you keep coming up here for anyway boy?’
Hoss came over to sit beside the man, dragging his pants on before sitting down. ‘I done told ya,’ he said miserably. ‘I’m learning ta swim.’
‘Coulda fooled me,’ remarked Sam casually. ‘Didn’t look like much swimming going on at all.’
Hoss hung his head and didn’t say anything for a long while. ‘I been doing my best,’ he muttered after while.
Sam said nothing, but picked a blade of grass and began to chew on it. ‘Hmm,’ he said finally. ‘You think?’
Hoss looked up at the man, suddenly indignant. ‘I am!’ he declared. ‘I can’t do no more. I done told ya before … I’m … sorta scared of going in too deep.’
‘Then don’t,’ replied Sam.
‘But I gotta!’ protested Hoss. ‘I haveta stick at it iffen I’m gonna overcome my fear. That’s what Pa done told me.’
Sam raised an eyebrow as he listened. There was something about the determined way in which the boy was speaking that impressed him in spite of himself. ‘And I suppose you always do what your Pa says?’ he said softly.
‘I try to,’ agreed Hoss. ‘He usually makes lotsa sense, my Pa.’
Sam stroked his beard. ‘Lucky Ben,’ he murmured.
‘Huh?’
‘Nothin boy.’ Sam looked at Hoss intently. ‘How about I help you then boy?’ he said suddenly.
‘Why would ya?’
Sam gave a bitter smile. ‘Well let’s say that I’m sick of having to look out every day in case ya hurt yourself again,’ he said. ‘I’d like you to get to the stage where I didn’t feel tied to this spot every time ya come.’
Hoss frowned. ‘Ya don’t need to!’ he declared. ‘I can look after myself!’
‘Seems ta me that you can’t,’ mused Sam. ‘Well? How about it boy? You want the help or not?’
Hoss hung his head again. ‘I reckon,’ he murmured. Thanks Mr Hopkins.’ He began to unbutton his trousers again, but Sam held out his hand.
‘No need fer that,’ he said. ‘We’ll start by watching the fish fer a while.’
Hoss gave the man a puzzled look. ‘Huh?’ he said. ‘What fer?’
Sam held up a finger to silence him. ‘No reason,’ he said and then lay down on his stomach to peer into the water. ‘Get down here boy and have a look.’
Hoss hesitated for a moment before complying with the man’s instructions. He gazed into the clear water below him and was soon mesmerised by the sight of many small fish flitting backwards and forwards beneath the surface. ‘They’re …’ he began.
‘Shh!’ Sam put his finger up again to silence Hoss. ‘Just watch.’
For close to two hours the man and the boy watched the fish below the surface of the lake. Hoss had no idea why they were doing it, but Sam seemed so intent on the activity that he didn’t interrupt again. Finally when the shadows began to lengthen and the air around them began to cool, Sam sat up. ‘I’ll be back again tomorrow,’ he said simply and stood up to walk away.
‘Are you gonna start teaching me ta swim then?’ asked Hoss as the man walked away from him.
‘You’re already learning boy,’ Sam replied over his shoulder. ‘You’re already learning.’
Hoss shook his head as the puzzled feeling swept over him again.
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Adam looked up as his younger brother rode into the front yard and dismounted. ‘How was the fishing?’ he asked.
Hoss shrugged. ‘OK,’ he said as he looked around. ‘Where’s Joe?’
‘Pa’s giving him a bath,’ chuckled Adam as he continued to wash out his brushes.
‘You fergot the water, huh?’
Adam shook his head. ‘No … but our little brother finished up his bucket quickly and then got into mine when I wasn’t looking.’ Hoss made a face. ‘So the fish weren’t biting?’ asked Adam casually.
Hoss looked embarrassed. ‘Well … I weren’t exactly fishin,’ he admitted.
‘I didn’t think so,’ said Adam.
‘No?’
‘No. It’s kind of hard to believe you were fishing when you didn’t even take your pole with you.’
‘Oh.’ Hoss sat down next to his brother and watched as he worked. ‘Adam?’
‘Yeah?’
‘Do ya know anything bout that Sam Hopkins fellar that used ta live around here?’
‘Whatever makes you ask about him?’ Adam gave his brother a startled look.
‘I dunno. It’s jest that when I asked Pa he was kinda … well, you know … he didn’t wanna talk bout it I guess.’
‘I’m not surprised.’
‘Yeah? Why?’
‘I think that Pa would probably be a bit embarrassed to talk about Sam Hopkins. He doesn’t like to talk much about some of the things he does … you know that.’
‘Like what things?’ asked Hoss, really interested. ‘Did this Sam and Pa have a problem together? Tell me Adam.’
‘Not a problem … no,’ replied his brother. ‘Actually they were good friends.’
‘Well what happened? Why don’t he live in town no more like he used ta?’
‘Because of his family. Some years ago he had a wife and two sons.’
‘What happened to em?’
‘They died. It was in a fire. Really upset him bad as you can imagine. Anyway, Pa tried to help him get over it. He offered him a job on The Ponderosa to give him … well …. Sort of a focus. It worked for a while too.’
‘Only a while?’
‘Yes. Sam couldn’t take it you see. He just couldn’t deal with people and so he ended up taking off and living by himself out in the wilderness. No one really knows much about where he goes and what he does. I haven’t really thought about him in years.’ Adam gave Hoss a steely look. ‘Why are you so interested anyway? Where did you hear his name mentioned?’
Hoss shrugged and tried to look casual. ‘I dunno,’ he said. ‘Jest around. Why would Pa be embarrassed to mention him anyways? I don’t understand that.’
‘You know how Pa gets. He likes to try and help people without making a big deal out of it,’ replied Adam. ‘He wouldn’t want anyone to know some of the things he did for Sam.’
Hoss gave his brother a puzzled look. ‘Ya mean bout giving him a job?’ he asked. ‘Everyone woulda known bout that though, wouldn’t they?’
‘He did a lot more for him than just give him a job Hoss,’ said Adam thoughtfully. His eyes took on a faraway look. ‘I remember one night when I was about your age. I couldn’t sleep and so I snuck down to sit on the front porch. That’s when I heard the two of them … talking.’
‘What were they saying?’
‘Well it wasn’t so much what they were saying as the way it was said,’ replied Adam. ‘Sam was pretty upset and Pa was … he was comforting him. Sam was crying.’
‘Crying?’ asked Hoss, shocked to think that a grown man would carry on so.
‘Yes. He was talking about … well ending it all. I think he was considering killing himself to be honest. They had a fight and Pa tried to stop him. It wasn’t long after that when Sam left. To be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if he did eventually kill himself out there in the wilderness. That’s why Pa wouldn’t like to talk about it you see. I think he believes that he did as well. He blames himself for not stopping Sam.’
Hoss nodded thoughtfully. ‘I see,’ he said. ‘Well … I reckon he’s wrong. I reckon Sam Hopkins is still out there somewhere.’
Adam put his arm around his brother’s shoulder. ‘I hope you’re right,’ he said.
There was a bang from over near the house and both brothers turned as they heard their father’s voice carry across the yard to them. ‘You’ll do as you’re told young man! I’ll not have ….’ There was another bang and suddenly the washhouse door flew open and a small naked body propelled itself through the open doorway. Adam stood up and quickly caught hold of the whirlwind that turned out to be their little brother, trying desperately to keep hold of his little slippery body as their father approached.
‘I’ll have that. Thank you Adam,’ said Ben firmly as he took the wet wriggling boy from his eldest son before placing two resounding swats on the child’s bare bottom and carrying him back into the washhouse without another word. Adam and Hoss chuckled as their youngest brother’s indignant shrieks cut through the silence around them.
‘Well we’d better get our chores done I suppose,’ said Adam as he stood up. ‘Hop Sing will be shouting out that it’s supper time before we know it.’
‘OK,’ said Hoss, raising his voice to get over Joe’s yelling. ‘I’ll jest put my horse away first.’ He went into the barn with the animal, anxious to get as far away as possible from the ear-splitting yells behind him.
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Hoss stretched his neck and tried to ease the kink in his back as he lay on the grass next to Sam. ‘Shh!’ said Sam as the movement disturbed him. ‘You’ll scare the fish.’
‘So what?’ asked Hoss. ‘I’m gonna get in the water fer a bit. ‘I ain’t learning anything like this no how!’
Sam stared over at him. ‘You don’t think so?’ he asked. ‘You don’t think you’ve got anything to learn from fish?’
Hoss shrugged. ‘I reckon not,’ he said. ‘Cept iffen ya mean how good they can swim. I reckon you’ve been trying ta show me that I can swim as good iffen I try.’
Sam raised an eyebrow, but said nothing for a moment. ‘Tell me about that dream you have again,’ he said. ‘How do you feel when you’re going under the water boy?’
‘I get panicky,’ admitted Hoss. ‘I fight ta get to the surface again.’
‘Hmm,’ Sam nodded. ‘Why?’
‘What do ya mean why?’ asked Hoss. ‘Iffen I don’t get to the surface then I’ll drown of course!’ He snorted in derision. ‘Anyone can see that!’
Sam raised the other eyebrow. ‘How can you drown if it’s just a dream?’ he asked.
‘I … well … I dunno,’ admitted Hoss. ‘I jest know that it feels like I’ll drown is all.’
‘And so you fight it.’
‘Yeah.’
‘Try not fighting for a change,’ suggested Sam. He peered down into the water again. ‘The fish don’t fight it … why should you?’
Hoss snorted again. ‘Well I ain’t a fish of course!’ he said. ‘I can’t breathe under water.’
‘No you can’t,’ said Sam. ‘And if you just relaxed about it then you’d realise that you don’t have to try.’
‘But how do I relax if it scares me so much?’ enquired Hoss.
‘Learn to trust yourself boy,’ said Sam with a wink. ‘Just learn to trust. You ever seen one of these fish on dry land boy?’
Hoss nodded. ‘Sure have,’ he replied. ‘They flip and flop trying to get back in the water.’
‘Right. They panic just like you do in your dream. Do em any good?’
Hoss shook his head. ‘Nope,’ he said. ‘I reckon not.’
Sam nodded in agreement. ‘Well then what good does it do you to fight it in the water boy? Learn to just relax and let the water do the work for you. You’ll find it easy to float if you let it just hold you up.’
‘I don’t haveta do it?’ enquired Hoss, intrigued.
‘Not really,’ said Sam as he plucked a piece of grass and began to chew on it. ‘Try it and see.’
‘Ain’t ya gonna come in with me? You said you’d help.’
Sam shrugged. ‘You try it,’ he said. ‘I’ll watch.’
Hoss stood up reluctantly and entered the water slowly. He looked over his shoulder at Sam who shouted at him. ‘Keep going,’ the man said. ‘Lie down and just let yourself drift out a bit.’
‘It’s too deep,’ said Hoss.
‘No it’s not,’ replied Sam. ‘Just try.’
Hoss took a deep breath and closed his eyes before bending his head back and lifting his legs from the bottom of the lake. He felt himself begin to drift in the water and the old panic overtook him again. He put his feet quickly down again until he felt the solid ground beneath him. ‘Try again!’ shouted Sam. ‘Go on boy! Trust the water!’
Hoss tried again, this time slowing his body to float upwards until he was looking up at the sky, the water beneath him. Tentatively he reached around him and began to paddle with his hands tentatively. ‘That’s it!’ shouted Sam. ‘Just let yourself float.’
Hoss looked at the blue sky above him and began to gradually relax as he felt the water buoy him up. For the first time ever, he felt at one with the lake. He smiled at the sky.
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Ben put his arm around his middle son as they gazed at the lake together. ‘Nice day, isn’t it son?’ he said with a smile.
To his surprise, Hoss beamed back at him. ‘Sure is Pa,’ he agreed.
‘Well you seem mighty cheerful today,’ said Ben with a short chuckle. ‘Any particular reason?’
Hoss shook his head. ‘Nope,’ he said. ‘Jest happy is all. I think I might go swimming now Pa.’
Ben looked on in surprise as the boy began to undress eagerly. It was definitely the first time he’d seen him so anxious to get into the water. He watched with delight as his son undressed and quickly and then literally ran into the water to join his older brother while beside him on the shore, Joseph still struggled to get off his boots. ‘Help me Pa!’ the boy demanded. ‘I’m wasting swimming time!’
Ben knelt down and began to help his small son undress, while continuing to watch his older two boys in the water. Hoss looked over his shoulder and grinned at his father before taking a deep breath and laying down to float on his back, gradually drifting out to the deeper water.
‘Hey that’s great Hoss!’ he heard Adam shout. ‘Here … let me help turn you over and we’ll get you going forward.’ He also grinned at his father, obviously happy for his brother.
‘Let me go Pa!’ shouted Little Joe as he tried to wriggle out of his father’s grasp. ‘I gotta go swimming now!’
‘In a few minutes Little Joe,’ instructed his father. ‘Give your brothers time by themselves for a while. Sit here and wait for me and I’ll come in with you.’ He plonked the boy down beside the water and began to undo his shirt. Suddenly a movement caught his eye and he turned to stare at the bushes from where it had come from. ‘Stay right there Joseph!’ he instructed his youngest son. ‘I’ll be back in a minute. He walked towards the bushes and hesitated before smiling and holding out his hand to the man who emerged from them. ‘Sam,’ he said. ‘It’s been a long time.’
Sam Hopkins looked down at the outstretched hand and then met it with his own. ‘Ben,’ he said simply. His eyes drifted over the two boys in the lake and he grinned. ‘Seems quite an improvement,’ he said.
Ben jerked at the man’s words. ‘You got something to do with this?’ he asked, indicating Hoss with his thumb. ‘How do you know my boy?’
‘Let’s just say that we met before,’ replied Sam. ‘The boy did it himself. I just told him to have faith in himself.’ His eyes flickered over to Ben for an instant before he added. ‘Like someone did for me once. I owed you one Cartwright.’
Ben shook his head. ‘You owed me nothing Sam,’ he said.
‘Yes Ben, I did. If it hadn’t been for you talking me out of it I wouldn’t be around today,’ replied Sam. ‘I owe you everything.’
‘You’ve been living all these years out here?’ asked Ben. ‘Don’t you think it’s time to come back and live amongst people again?’
Sam shook his head slowly. ‘No,’ he said. ‘I’m better off where I am now. A man lives as he gets used to Ben.’ He glanced over to where Little Joe was fidgeting on the shore of the lake. ‘That one yours as well?’
‘Yes,’ said Ben. ‘My youngest.’
‘He’s like his ma,’ said Sam. ‘How is that beautiful bride of yours? Not a bride now though I’ll wager.’
A momentary look of sorrow flitted across Ben’s face. ‘She died,’ he said simply. ‘Some months ago now.’
There was a moment’s silence. ‘Seems like we’ve both had tragedies then,’ said Sam. There was silence again. ‘You’d better go before that young’un up and goes in there without you,’ chuckled Sam suddenly. He indicated Little Joe who had stood up and was bouncing from one foot to the other in his impatience. ‘Goodbye Ben. You take care of those boys of yours. That middle one may not ever make a great swimmer, but at least he’ll be able to handle himself in the water if he has to.’
‘Thank you,’ said Ben, reaching out and grasping the other man’s hand. He turned as Little Joe shouted for him again and when he looked back Sam had disappeared into the bushes. He turned and strode over to his youngest son. ‘Come on then,’ he said as he undid his shirt. ‘Let’s get you in the water.’
‘Who was that man Pa?’ asked Little Joe as his father undressed. ‘Is he a friend of yours?’
‘You could say that son,’ replied Ben as he led the child into the water to join Adam and Hoss who were splashing each other. ‘You could say that.’
The End
