Summary:  Fifteen year old Adam tries to find a quiet spot to read a book.
Rating:  G  3,085 words

Solitude

Adam picked up the book on the desk and gave a small smile of satisfaction.  He had waited all week for this moment and relished the thought of the time he now had ahead of him.  It was difficult for a fifteen year-old to fit in such moments of pleasure in between the busy hours of his schedule. On top of school and homework there were his chores that had to be done each day and helping his father on weekends at various tasks around the ranch.  It was a rare moment indeed when he had this much time to spend curled up with a new book, and he intended to make the most of it.

He ran his fingers over the blue cover with the gold lettering as he looked idly out of the window.  His father was in town and hadn’t made it home for supper.  Marie had her hands full with putting Little Joe to bed and Hoss was no doubt busy with one of his precious animals while avoided being sent to bed himself.  As it was Friday night there was no homework assignment to complete, and as his chores were all done Adam was as free as a bird for the next few hours.

He gave a small sigh of contentment and rested his chin on his hand as he opened to the front of the book.  It was a new one that Marie had bought for him and he had saved it for tonight when he would have the time to really get into it.  Adam smiled as he savoured the moment and bent his head to begin to read.

Suddenly a noise behind him made him turn around.  Hoss stood there rubbing his chin with one hand while he clutched a book in the other. ‘Hi,’ he said smiling anxiously at his older brother. ‘Can ya help me with something Adam?’

Adam sighed. ‘What?’ he asked.

‘My homework,’ replied Hoss coming forward and putting the book on the desk in front of his brother. ‘It’s sums and I can’t get them right.’

‘What are you doing with homework on Friday night?’ asked Adam.

Hoss shrugged his shoulders. ‘I dunno,’ he said lamely, then when his brother continued to stare at him he added. ‘I guess I got extra to make up for. Can ya help me Adam?’

Adam sighed and didn’t look too pleased. ‘Can’t you ask someone else?’ he said shortly. ‘I’m reading.’

‘Who?’ said Hoss. ‘Pa ain’t home yet and Little Joe’s having another tantrum bout going to bed so Marie’s in his room with him.’

‘Well it doesn’t have to be done tonight does it?’ said Adam testily. ‘Why can’t it wait until tomorrow?’

Hoss frowned. ‘Cause Pa will find out if I do it then,’ he said. ‘Please?’

‘Oh all right, but be quick,’ replied Adam. ‘What do you have to do?’

The two boys bent their heads over the book and Adam started to explain the first few problems to his brother.  Hoss put his tongue between his teeth as he began to write, adding up aloud as he went.  It took all Adam’s patience not to yell at him to hurry up, but he knew that his brother didn’t need that kind of reminder about how slow he could be with his work, so he kept quiet.

At nine Hoss was much larger than most other children his own age, but he usually struggled at school.  It wasn’t that he wasn’t clever, it was more that he didn’t have the confidence in his own abilities and he didn’t like taking risks and having others laugh at him when he came up with the wrong answers.  So he tended to work very slowly and that often caused him to have extra homework, like tonight.

Adam looked at his brother’s sandy hair as he bent over the desk beside him. ‘You know Hoss, Pa wouldn’t be mad if he knew you had extra work to do,’ he said. ‘He’d help you do it.’

‘Yeah I know, said Hoss without lifting his head. ‘But he’d think I’m dumb like everyone else does.’

‘You’re not dumb,’ said Adam with a frown as he shut the book that was still in his hands. ‘Who said you are?’

‘Some of the kids at school, said Hoss mournfully.

‘Well you aren’t,’ said Adam indignantly.

‘I ain’t as clever as some of them,’ said Hoss.

‘You are too.  You’re just clever at different things, that’s all,’ said Adam. ‘None of them can do the things you do.  You know more about animals than anyone else in that school, and you’re the only kid I know who can tell the weather just by reading the signs around us in the sky.  And you know all the names of so many plants.  They’re the ones who are dumb if that’s what they’re saying.’

Hoss grinned at him. ‘I reckon you’re right, ain’t ya Adam? I guess I do know lots of things, don’t I?’

‘You sure do,’ said Adam kindly, patting him on the arm.  He put his book down, unwilling to get to it until he had made his little brother happier. ‘I bet you can do all these problems too, without any worry.’

The two brothers bent their heads closer to the book and for the next ten minutes the only sound that could be heard was Hoss’ counting, while Adam watched and checked his calculations.  After a while he said,’ I told you that you could do it!  See?  It wasn’t that hard, was it?’

‘Nah!’ said Hoss, beaming back at him. ‘Guess it wasn’t.’

‘Hoss!’ came Marie’s voice from down the other end of the hallway. ‘Time for bed. Where are you?’

‘Coming,’ he yelled back, as he gathered up his book and his pencil. ‘Guess Little Joe went ta sleep after all,’ he said ruefully. ‘Thanks Adam.’  He tucked the book under his arm again and headed out of his brother’s bedroom.

Adam sighed and opened his book again. He listened to the silence around him and relished his solitude.  He leant back in his chair, propped the book up on the desk in front of him and was soon engrossed in the story that was unfolding in the pages in his hands.  Just as he was immersing himself deeply in the narrative, the door opened and his stepmother entered, carrying a plate and a glass of milk. ‘I thought you might like a snack,’ Marie said tentatively. ‘You didn’t eat much at supper.’

Adam reluctantly raised his eyes from the page in front of him and forced a smile onto his face.  ‘Thank you,’ he said politely. He felt a little awkward with her gesture and didn’t know quite what to say next.  He had never felt entirely comfortable with Marie and there was usually a barrier between them that they both tried hard to break through. The problem was they had got off to a bad start and even though their relationship was better now, they still had moments like this when they were stilted.

She sat down on a chair next to him and placed the plate and glass on the desk.  Not knowing what else to say, Adam picked it up and began to drink.  ‘You’re reading the new book I bought you,’ she said. ‘Is it any good?’

He looked at it, wishing he could give more of an opinion on it. ‘I think so, I haven’t really had the chance to read much of it yet,’ he said, hoping she would take the hint.

She didn’t.

‘Oh well I’ll be interested to hear about it when you’re finished,’ she said, smiling at him. She fiddled with the pens on his desk and he wondered why she stayed to talk if she felt as uneasy as she appeared to be.  For a few moments they sat in silence. ‘Adam?’ Marie said suddenly.

‘Yes?’

‘I just wanted to say….well, I really appreciate….. it’s just that … I’ve felt we’re getting on a lot better lately, don’t you agree?’

He blushed slightly, wishing that she wouldn’t open up this conversation. He didn’t feel comfortable expressing his feelings at the best of times and particularly not with his stepmother. ‘Um, yeah I suppose so,’ he said finally.

She smiled at him. ‘It’s just that I really appreciate being able to ….well, you know…… talk to you like this.  Your father is happy about it too.’  Adam nodded as she continued. ‘It makes everything so much more pleasant, don’t you think?’

‘I guess so,’ he replied wishing that she would change the subject. He looked down at the book in his hand and reluctantly closed it.

I just wanted you to know that I feel much happier here now,’ Marie continued. ‘I have you to thank for that.’

He looked up at her. ‘Happier?’ he said. ‘Weren’t you happy before?’

‘Well yes I was, but since we’ve been … well, friendly ….. it’s been easier than before.  It wasn’t an easy thing to come all the way out here and take on being mother to two of you.  Plus being married to your father has had its challenge, when he’s had to work so hard to get things established around here. And then there’s Little Joe of course.’ Adam nodded sympathetically. They all knew the problems that particular little bundle of energy caused every day. ‘So you see, even though I have been happy, I’m just saying that I’m happier now.’  She smiled at him again.

‘I’m glad,’ he said. ‘I do like having you in our family, you know.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes of course.  I guess it’s just hard to say it sometimes.’

‘Well, I’m glad you did say it this time.  Thank you Adam,’ said Marie.

He gave her a tentative grin. Just then there was a yell from down the hall and they both giggled.  ‘That little brother of yours is heading for a spanking,’ Marie said with a twinkle in her eye. ‘He’s been nothing but trouble tonight.’  She stood up and hesitated, before bending forward to kiss Adam on the cheek. ‘Goodnight,’ she said. ‘I think you should go to bed now.’

He blushed, embarrassed at the kiss. ‘I will,’ he said, fiddling with his book. ‘I’ll leave the lamp on for a while to read though.’  He watched as she left the room, feeling quite happy after all that she had kissed him.  Smiling to himself, he began to get undressed and got into bed with his book, propping himself up on his pillow to read closer to the light of the lamp.

After a while he heard his father’s horse in the front yard and snuggled down under the covers as he finally felt himself drifting into the story.  But after a few moments he heard a quiet knock on his door. ‘Adam?’ said his father. ‘Are you awake?’

Adam sighed again and shut his book with a bang.  It seemed like he would never get to read tonight. ‘Yes Pa,’ he said.

The door opened and his father came into the room. ‘Your new book?’ he asked. ‘Is it good?’

Adam tried to smile. ‘I really don’t know,’ he said, trying to keep his annoyance out of his voice. ‘I can’t seem to get much read.’

‘Oh,’ said his father, obviously not listening to the answer. ‘Well I’m glad you’re awake, because I wanted to talk to you about something.’

‘What?’

‘I met Mr Hudson, your teacher, in town this afternoon.  He was telling me how well you’re doing at school.  In fact he was praising your efforts and achievements enormously.’

Adam felt quite pleased and put down his book to look at his father. ‘Really?’ he said.

‘Yes.  He also told me he had a talk with you about the possibility of going to College.  He thinks you’d have a good chance at getting into one.’

Adam looked down and began to fiddle with the bedcovers. ‘Yeah well, it’s not really important,’ he said.

‘Son, look at me,’ said his father. Adam looked up. ‘Do you want to go to College?’

‘I told you Pa, it’s not really important.’

‘That’s not what I asked you.  If you are capable of going and you want to, then we’ll make it happen somehow.’

‘But how would you pay for it? You don’t ever have enough money for things around here, Pa.’

You let me worry about that.  Now do you want to go?’  Adam nodded his head, his eyes saying more than he could ever put into words.  Ben nodded at him and smiled. ‘Well we’ll have to see what we can do about it, won’t we? Mr Hudson thinks that a couple of years hard work might just get you there.’

‘You mean it Pa?’  Adam’s voice betrayed his eagerness.

Ben reached over and ruffled his hair. ‘Yes, I mean it son. Now lie down and get some sleep.  Surely that book will wait until another time?’

Adam laughed. ‘I’ve hardly started it yet Pa.  I’ll just read a bit more.’

‘All right, but not too late.’  Ben bent over and kissed his son on the head. ‘Goodnight son,’ he said softly.

‘Night Pa.’ Adam lay back on the pillow and grinned as he thought over their conversation.  It was a dream come true and one that he never thought would ever be a possibility in his life.  To go to College was something he had always hoped for – and now it seemed like it might actually happen!

He gave a satisfied smile as he picked up his book again and opened it to the page he had got up to before. Burrowing into his pillow, he had hardly read for more than five minutes before he sensed someone looking at him and looked up to see his youngest brother standing next to his bed with his thumb planted firmly in his mouth, staring at him.

‘What are you doing here?’ Adam said sternly. ‘You’re supposed to be asleep in bed.’

Little Joe took his thumb out of his mouth and said ‘I’s come in your bed.’ He began to pull back the covers and climb in with his brother.

‘No!’ said Adam firmly. ‘You go back to your own bed.’ He grabbed the covers from the little boy’s grasp and pulled them up again.

But Little Joe wasn’t so easily dissuaded. ‘No!’ he said just as firmly. ‘I’s come in your bed.’ He climbed up onto the bed and sat glaring at his brother.

‘I’m reading,’ said Adam. ‘Now go away.’

Little Joe shook his head. ‘You read to me!’ he said firmly and tried to grab the book. ‘You read me story.’ At three years of age Little Joe was already beginning to show a very strong will and was definitely not a child to be dissuaded if he had set his mind on something. He burrowed under the covers and Adam had no choice but to resign himself to the fact that his little brother was there to stay, at least for a while.

‘Read story,’ the little boy demanded and planted his thumb firmly in his mouth again as he began to suck on it noisily.

Adam sighed and began to read his book aloud.  At least this way he got to read it, which was more than he had done all night.  After a few moments, Little Joe interrupted him. ‘Not that one.  Story wiv pigs!’ he demanded.

‘No! I’m reading this book now,’ said Adam, getting exasperated.  All he wanted was to have a bit of time to himself and it seemed like even that was too much to hope for tonight.  There had been one interruption after another, and he wasn’t about to stand for any more, particularly not from a three year-old.

He stared to read again, but Little Joe put his little hand on the page and said, ‘No! Story wiv pigs!’

‘I said no,’ said Adam. ‘Now be quiet and listen to this one, or you go back to your own bed.’

Little Joe glared at him and kicked him under the covers. ‘Story wiv pigs!’ he insisted.

Adam sighed and angrily shut the book with a bang. ‘Oh all right!’ he said crossly. ‘Once there were three pigs.  They built some houses.  The wolf blew them down and they lived happily ever after.  Happy now?’ He opened the book again.

Little Joe glared at him again. ‘No!’ he said. Adam could see that he was fighting a losing battle, so he put the book down and began to tell the story of The Three Little Pigs properly, with all the voices that Little Joe loved.  The child snuggled in closer to his big brother and listened intently, with his eyes firmly fixed on him, the slurping noise from his thumb providing a background to the narrative. As the story progressed his eyelids dropped lower until he was sound asleep beside his brother.

Adam looked down at the small sleeping boy beside him and smoothed the unruly curls that looked so untidy.  He smiled at the features that were so composed in sleep and marvelled at how rarely he ever got to see the little face so still.  It seemed like this child was born to move and it made them all tired just trying to keep up with him.

He reached up, turned down the lamp and put his book on the table beside his bed.  Cuddling down next to his brother he listened to the child’s regular breathing and the slurping noises that he was getting used to, and his mind went back over the conversations he had had that night with his family.  As sleep gradually overtook him, his thoughts were not of the story he had been determined to read that night, but rather the story of his family and his own part in it.  Of Hoss and his need to feel good at something, of Marie and the friendship they now shared, of his father and the trust he had in him, of Little Joe and his need to be cared for.

Adam’s eyes closed as he listened to the silence around him.   As he drifted into sleep his last thoughts were of how lucky he was to belong to this family where he was loved and needed so much.   Although it would have been nice to at least get that book started………

The End