“Joe? Joe?” someone was gently shaking him. He wanted to tell her to stop, to leave him be. He’d been floating somewhere in his dream, but now he felt the leaden weight of his body again, and it felt hot. He moaned and made a half hearted attempt to brush away the hand on his shoulder.

“Joseph Greyer, wake up!” another shake. Joe’s eyebrows furrowed at the use of his full name, and he wearily looked up. It was Miss West.

“What do you think you’re doing, sleeping outside during a thunderstorm? Get up.” She helped haul him to his feet. For a small woman, she was surprisingly strong. Or maybe it was just because Joe felt so weak. Too weak to even protest when she started walking with him.

“Where are we going?” he mumbled.

“I live on the other side of the hill. You’re just lucky I decided to take the shortcut over it instead of going by the road this morning.”

He wasn’t sure how lucky he was. In another few minutes he might have reached wherever he’d been floating to in his dream. But he didn’t answer. It took too much effort.

Once inside she let him sink onto her sofa while she stirred up the fire. He barely noticed when she disappeared into the other room and then came back with several blankets.

“Can you get out of your clothes alright or do you need my help?”

Her voice sounded like it came from several miles away, but he shook himself out of the dreamlike trance he’d been slipping into.

“I can do it.” He said. He didn’t need her help to undress.

Several minutes later he was curled up amidst the blankets slipping back into the floating feeling. The warmth from the fire was making him sleepy. He closed his eyes.

“Not yet, young man.” Miss West’s voice woke him up again. He scowled as best as he could with his painful face. Why did this woman never let him sleep?

“Here.” She lifted his head and began feeding him some broth. It slid down through his throat and settled in his stomach like a warm flame.

“You’ll be lucky if you don’t catch pneumonia from that little stunt.” She talked as she fed him, but Joe was too tired to focus on her words and eat at the same time, so he picked the latter and let her rambling drift over him like smoke. Finally after the bowl was empty she let him lay back down.

“Get some sleep.” She said. “I’ve got to go back to the schoolhouse in case anyone is still there, but I’ll send the doctor over. I’ll be back later.”

Joe didn’t hear her. He was already oblivious to the world.

~*~

When Joe woke up he was curled up in a cave of blankets on a couch that was softer than anything he’d ever sat on in his life. And he had absolutely no clue where he was. He opened his eyes, but all he could see were the flickering shadows of a fire across a wooden floor. He shifted and tried to sit up.

“Well look who decided to wake up.”

Miss West’s voice made Joe snap upright.

“How did I get here?” he asked.

“I found you sitting on the hill and brought you home.” She sat next to him and put a hand on his forehead. “Not much of a fever. The doctor said that as long as you get plenty of rest you should be fine.”

“The doctor was here?” How long had he slept?

She nodded. “You’re lucky it’s not worse. Just what were you doing out there anyway?”

Joe didn’t answer, and she put a finger under his chin so he couldn’t look away.

“Joe? What happened?” Her eyes were warm like the fire, warm like Miss Ellie’s kitchen had been. For a moment he just stared, losing himself in them. It was nice to see a pair of eyes without malice in them.

“Joe?” she whispered.

Joe exhaled. “Miss Ellie died.” He said.

“Ellie Goodwin?”

He nodded. The words stuck in his throat and threatened to choke him. “I wanted to tell her… to say goodbye, but they wouldn’t let me.” He forced a shrug. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Doesn’t it?”

“No.” But he was lying and they both knew it.

“What will you do now?” she finally asked.

The question could mean several different things, and he hesitated. Then he decided that whatever way it was interpreted, there was still only one answer.

“I don’t know.” He could go back and sit on the hill again, but the blankets were extremely comfortable, and his body was threatening mutiny if he tried to make it go anywhere.

“Well…” she paused for a moment and then met his gaze again. “What do you want?”

Once again he didn’t know the answer, but he didn’t think it mattered. She didn’t want an answer; she wanted the question to be there, hovering in his mind.

“People control so little in their lives, Joe. It’s best to choose wisely about the things they can control. Especially for you.”

He frowned and remained silent as she stood up.

“You shouldn’t be going anywhere tonight and probably not tomorrow. Do you want supper?”

He nodded, but his mind was miles away as he pondered her question. What did he want?

To walk down the street without being treated like a stray dog. He thought. To not have my name be like a disease. But he didn’t know how to achieve those things other than leaving town, and he didn’t know how he could do that. It was all a big mess, one he’d rather not think about. Joe rolled over and closed his eyes, trying to shut out his thoughts. But the questions was still there, buzzing like a fly. What did he want?

~*~

He’d gone to sleep with the crackling of the fire in his ears, and it persisted in his dreams, growing slowly until it was a roar. A house was burning around him, one he didn’t recognize. Someone was holding him, keeping him from running. There was a scream. Then hoofbeats. The wind beat against his face and the noise of the fire grew faint. Joe jerked and woke up. It was dark; the fire had been banked for the night. He was in Miss West’s house on her couch. He couldn’t see the clock in the dark, but it had to be early morning. He exhaled slowly, wondering where his dream had come from. For some reason the house had been familiar. He shook his head. Dreams were like that. You couldn’t trust them.

You couldn’t trust any dream, sleeping or waking. Once he’d had a dream about leaving behind Durham for good. Then he’d grown up and realized just how impossible it was. You couldn’t live without food, and food cost money, which you couldn’t get without a job. And no one was going to hire a twelve year old. It was impossible to try and leave.

“It’s often better to try and fail than not to try at all.”

Joe could hear Miss Ellie’s voice again; one of the last things she’d said to him. What would she think of his giving up and coaxing Jack into a fight before sitting out in a thunderstorm? In the darkness Joe flushed.

She would have called me eight kinds of an idiot. And each one would have been more right than the last.

She’d always been right. About everything. Why should this be any different?

But you don’t know how hard it is, Miss Ellie. He thought. You don’t know what it’s like to be in a place where everyone thinks more of the mud on their boots than they do of you.

No, not everyone, he corrected himself. If it were everyone then he would still be sitting under a tree instead of curled up on a couch.

Ok, so one. Still, it was one against an entire town. Not very good odds.

There hadn’t been good odds in his fight with Jack either, and he’d still managed to stand at the end of it, if only because he’d wanted to prove that he could.

And I can. He thought. He didn’t like the idea of wading back into the struggle, but sitting on the bank didn’t seem to be an option. And as Miss West had said, he could control so little, he might as well choose his manner of fighting. And he’d better choose well.

He swung his legs around and stood up, shakily at first. It felt a little odd to be on his feet after lying down for so long. But after a few steps he managed to get his balance, and he went out to the porch. He sat there in the dark, wrapped in the blanket he’d taken with him until the sky slowly began to lighten and the sun slipped up into the sky. The door opened behind him.

“How are you feeling?” Miss West asked.

“Better.” In more ways than one. She sat next to him, and there were a few minutes of silence before Joe broke it.

“I was wondering if you could let me keep that book for a little while longer so I can finish it.” He said.

“Of course.”

“I should probably be going home today.”

“Will you be alright?”“Yes.” He wasn’t sure about that one, but maybe if he believed it enough it would happen.

“Take it easy then; you still need plenty of rest.” She paused, as if unsure about whether or not to say what she wanted to. “Once you’re better, will I be seeing you in school again?”

Joe took a deep breath. What would he do if he didn’t go to school? As Miss Ellie had said, he’d stay working in this town until he rotted. It was a long shot, but if he wanted out of this town, he needed to be ready. So he nodded. “Yes, you will.”

After all, who knew what fate had in store for him?

The End