Charlottesville, VA – Present

Adam stood in front of the university where he had spent his first three years away from home. It looked the same with its solid brick walls and neatly manicured lawns, and he found himself strangely disappointed. He’d half expected to find the building in ruins, like the lives he’d left behind so many years ago.

For an hour he walked the length of the campus, stopping at the places that had meant something to him: a round depression in the grass behind an old oak tree where he’d spent hours reading, an old fountain that had always bugged him because it had set crooked, the campus library. He ran his fingers over the long rows of books, and as he rummaged through some old textbooks, he allowed himself a brief moment of ‘what ifs’. His mind wandered over how his life would have turned out if he’d stayed, if he’d become a lawyer, if he hadn’t met Sissy – how things might have turned out for her if she’d never met him.

A short time later, Adam left the library and the campus and headed down the street. He didn’t intend to stay in Charlottesville; he was headed for a little boarding house just outside of Ednam. Though he had his bag in tow, he was determined to walk at least a few miles. At the first fork in the road, he turned right, following a little stream as it made its way across grassy hills until it led him to the border of a fence-lined orchard. Adam’s chest tightened, and he took a deep breath, then dropping his bag, he jumped the fence. The moment his feet landed, he was flooded with memories.

He gazed around as the sunlight filtered through leaves rustling in a light breeze, and in their movement, he could almost hear their voices from the past. Continuing to make his way along the stream, his eyes roamed the orchard, looking for that one special place. A few minutes later, he ducked under a low hanging limb, and coming up on the other side, he saw it. He quickly backed under the branch and peered slowly around the other side of trunk. There, under the largest tree in the orchard, near a widened spot in the stream, sat a young couple caught up in a passionate embrace. In that instance, Adam felt as if he were staring into the past, and for just the briefest moment of joy, he was young again and the world held no foreboding; only the excitement of tomorrow.

He was jolted back to the present by a gasp from the young woman.

“I . . . I’m sorry,” he said. “I was just looking for . . . I’m sorry.”

The young couple watched him warily as he backed away. He started to leave, but haunted with feelings of regret, he stopped and turned back to face them; he hesitated for moment before speaking. “Just . . . make every moment count.”

The young man’s brows drew together in confusion, but the girl smiled softly and nodded. Tipping his hat to the couple, Adam made his way back to the road. He continued walking until he arrived at the old market place where he’d first met Sissy. From there, he hired a carriage to drive him to the boarding house. During the drive, he thought back to the day he’d finally consented to leave Virginia. It was nearly three months after Sissy had been imprisoned. He didn’t like admitting it, but during that awful time, he’d allowed grief to consume him. His life line had eventually come in the form of his father, the only person he knew could truly understand his loss. He respected his pa’s motives in not telling him about all the years he’d been trying to help Sissy, but still, Adam had to work at shutting out the part of him that felt cheated. He’d had a long talk with his pa on the way into Virginia City. Even his brothers had insisted on riding along. He’d been half convinced they were all going to stay overnight at the hotel with him, and see him off on the early morning stage, but around ten o’clock that night, with raised wine glasses, they’d finally said goodbye.

Adam swallowed and blinked away the moisture in his eyes. They hadn’t been ready to let him go, though he knew they’d all sensed it coming for a while. And when the time had come, they’d allowed him to leave, as guilt-free as his conscience would allow. He didn’t know when he would see them again, no idea how long it would take to find Sissy, or how she would be once he did. His father had tried to talk to him about the different possibilities.

“Prison changes people,” he’d said.

Adam had nodded.

“Take your time,” his pa had continued. “Don’t rush. Get to know her again.”

Adam’s stomach tightened as he thought of those words now. What would she be like? Her letter made it sound as if she still thought of him fondly, maybe even still loved him.

But how? How can she possibly love me? All these years. It’s my fault.

     Lost in his thoughts, Adam was startled when the carriage stopped in front of Mrs. Holden’s boarding house. He jumped to the ground, and after giving the driver a tip, he walked up to the door and knocked. He found himself smiling when a pleasant voice responded.

“Just a minute.”

He stepped back a moment later, when the door was opened.

“Can I help you?” asked a young blonde woman in an Irish accent.

“Yes, is Mrs. Holden in? I was hoping to rent a room here for a while.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did you know Mrs. Holden? She . . . well, she passed on a few years back. My sister and I run the place now. My name’s Jenny. We’ve got two rooms open if you’re still interested.”

Adam was taken aback over hearing of Mrs. Holden’s death, but then he mentally chafed himself. She’d been an old woman fifteen years ago.

“My apologies. I didn’t know of her passing. Uh, yes, I would like a room.”

Jenny smiled and invited him inside. He immediately took a liking to the homely, young girl. She chattered about a few of the other boarders as she showed him to his room. Once inside, she opened up the window and fluffed the little pillows on the bed.

“Supper’s at seven if you plan to eat here. May I ask what brings you to our little town? How’d you know Mrs. Holden?”

Adam set his bag on the end of the bed. “I was a university student in Charlottesville years back. I moved here when . . . well, I’m here looking for someone.”

Jenny stepped closer to him and studied his face for a moment.

“I can see that,” she said after a moment. “Your eyes sure do tell a sad story.”

Adam marveled at her perception, and his eyes stayed on her as she made her way out into the hall. She stopped just before shutting the door.

“I hope you find her.”

Adam’s heart clenched. So do I.