Rating: K

Word Count=3398

Summary: Ben has an important guest coming for supper. Can Ben babysit Little Joe and prepare for his guest?

Disclaimer: I don’t own the Cartwrights or Bonanza. No copyright infringement is intended. Original plot and characters are property of the author. This story is for entertainment and no money was made from it.

Reviews from the Old Library are on the last page.

The Sweet Smell of Success

Ben heard the clock chime twelve rings for noon and knew it was time to get Little Joe’s lunch ready. Marie and Hop Sing had gone into Virginia City to get some last minute items for tonight’s supper with Jim Powell, owner of one of the finest restaurants in San Francisco. Adam and Hoss were at school, so Ben had to take on babysitting duties. Marie had left detailed instructions for minding their son, but Ben had wondered how difficult tending to a three year old could be. He soon found out. Little Joe was a ball of energy that didn’t seem to slow down, even when sitting on the floor.

As Ben entered the kitchen, he saw Hop Sing’s note for fixing Little Joe’s sandwich. How hard could fixing a roast beef sandwich be? Just as he was getting started, Ben heard a thump from upstairs. When last seen, Little Joe had fallen asleep on the floor in his room, a wooden horse clutched in his little fist. Another thump from upstairs made Ben realize that he’d better get up there and check on his youngest.

Little Joe wasn’t in his room anymore. Ben quickly checked Hoss’ and Adam’s rooms and then the guest room. Going into his own room, Ben was surprised to see Little Joe standing on Marie’s footstool with a chemise pulled over his dungarees. The smell of perfume was very strong. An empty perfume bottle was clutched in Little Joe’s fist.

“What have you done?” Ben asked the little boy.

“Me make me smell pwetty, like Mama” answered Little Joe with a smile on his face.

“Why are you wearing Mama’s clothes?” Ben asked Little Joe.

“Because me wook pwetty too” answered the boy.

Ben picked Little Joe up and realized that a bath was in order for the little boy. He wasn’t sure what to do first though—bathe the boy or feed him. Deciding he could do both, Ben pulled the chemise over Little Joe’s head and then carried him downstairs. He didn’t yet know how to explain to his wife that Joseph was wearing the entire contents of her perfume bottle. Marie’s perfume was imported from France to New Orleans and was a scent that Napoleon had commission for his empress, Josephine. Getting another bottle could take three months.

Entering the kitchen, Ben sat Little Joe down on a stool at Hop Sing’s worktable and put a large pot of water on to boil. Then he turned his attention to the sandwich. Ben decided to ignore Hop Sing’s instructions on sandwich-making and just put roast beef on bread.

“Dat not how Hopsy make my wunch” announced Little Joe with a shake of his head.

“Well, this is how Papa makes lunch” answered Ben.

“Hopsy don’t do it wike dat” said Little Joe critically as Ben laid the slices of roast beef on the plain bread.

“How does Hop Sing do it?” asked Ben with an eye on Little Joe.

“Hopsy put da yella stuff on da bwead and den he make da meat folded and den he put on da cheese. He make it yummy.”

“Papa’s sandwich is yummy” said Ben as he handed the sandwich over to Little Joe.

Taking the sandwich from his father, Little Joe gave it a sniff before taking a bit. After biting off a corner, he made a face suggesting that he didn’t like it.

“Papa’s samich yucky” said Little Joe.

“Eat it anyway” Ben said, turning his back on the little boy to check the pot on the stove. The water was now boiling, so he would have to let it cool down before putting it in the tub.

Turning around, Ben was surprised to see Little Joe gone. The sandwich was still there, though. Ben entered the big room expecting his youngest to be there. However, Little Joe was nowhere to be seen. The front door was closed, so the little boy probably hadn’t gone outside. Ben decided to go upstairs and check his room first this time. Little Joe was again wearing Marie’s chemise but he had added Ben’s dress jacket over it.

“What are you doing?” asked Ben, completely shocked by Little Joe’s appearance now.

“Me pway dwess up” answered Little Joe, giggling.

“Let’s play dress down” said Ben, grabbing the little boy. He took his good jacket off of Little Joe and wrinkled his nose at the smell of Marie’s perfume. Again, he pulled Marie’s chemise over Little Joe’s head.

“It’s time for you to have a bath, young man” said Ben as he took Little Joe in his arms.

“But me not dirty!” protested Little Joe.

“You’re getting a bath anyway” said Ben as he carried a struggling Little Joe downstairs and into the kitchen. Not having the patience to take Little Joe to the bathhouse, he put a large cast iron pot on the kitchen floor and poured the now tepid water into it. Getting a squirming Little Joe undressed and into the pot was quite an achievement, Ben thought. After getting Little Joe in the pot, Ben realized that there was no soap to scrub off the scent of Marie’s perfume. Maybe if the boy soaked long enough the aroma of the perfume would dissolve. Ben hoped that Adam and Hoss would be home from school soon.

As Ben sat on the stool by the pot, watching Little Joe pout, he heard the front door open. A feminine voice called out “I’m home, mon cher.” 

“In the kitchen, darling” Ben answered.

Marie and Hop Sing entered the kitchen to see Little Joe scowling in a pot and Ben sitting beside the pot on a stool.

“Is our Petit Joseph the main ingredient for a gumbo?” asked Marie, stifling a giggle.

Before Ben could answer, Hop Sing said “Why Numbah Three Son in pot on floor? Why you not just bring catter into house? Everyone out.” Then Hop Sing noticed the uneaten sandwich on the table. “You no follow Hop Sing’s instructions for runch? No wondah Numbah Three Son small. I make bettah runch.”

“Papa’s samich yucky!” said Little Joe, making a face. “Hopsy make a new one?” the little boy asked hopefully.

“Hop Sing make samwich light.” Turning to Ben he added, “You take boy outta kitchen and dwess.”

Ben picked up his son and realized he didn’t have a towel to wrap the boy in. Marie dried Little Joe off with a dish towel, much to Hop Sing’s chagrin. She then shooed the boy upstairs to await her. The naked little boy streaked through the big room and up the stairs.

Entering the big room, Marie asked “Why is the smell of my parfum so strong in the house?”

“Well..” Ben started. Before he could get too far into an explanation he and Marie heard a thump from upstairs. Both of them went upstairs and entered their room. There, they found Little Joe standing on Marie’s footstool, wearing Marie’s chemise and Ben’s dress jacket. In his pudgy hand was gripped Ben’s bottle of bay rum cologne.

“Now me smell wike Papa” said Little Joe with a big smile.

Ben looked horrified to see his son again wearing his wife’s chemise. Marie was so shocked she didn’t know whether to laugh or yell. Instead, she settled for a question.

“Mon petit, what are you doing in Mama’s and Papa’s clothes?”

“Me be pwetty like you and Papa” answered Little Joe with a big smile. “Me smell pwetty too” he added.

Ben sniffed the air and realized that the smell of bay rum cologne and his wife’s perfume were competing for dominance. Separately, the scents were very pleasant. Mixed together on the same body in liberal quantities, though, was not a desirable aroma.

Ben grabbed Little Joe and removed his dress jacket. Little Joe plopped himself down on the floor with a big frown. Marie went to remove her chemise from her son, but Little Joe swatted at her hands and yelled “Mine!!” Marie picked up the little boy and gave his backside a swat. Little Joe began crying, more out of surprise than pain. Marie decided to put the child down on his bed for a nap. She figured it would be easier to get him into his own clothes after he woke up from his nap.

Adam and Hoss walked into the house and wrinkled up their noses. The unmistakable scent of Marie’s perfume smelled very strongly downstairs.

“This house smells like a French whor…” started Adam.

“And how would you know what that smells like?” asked Ben from the top of the stairs.

Adam blushed furiously. He knew that he’d be in trouble for that comment and implying that Marie must have been one.

Normally, the house smelled like fresh baked cookies when Adam and Hoss arrived home from school. Hoss was sniffing the air, hoping that his nose would pick up the smell of cookies instead of perfume.

“Boys, we’ve got to figure out how to air out the house before Mr. Powell arrives. Any ideas?” The windows were already open, but that didn’t seem to be helping.

“Mebbe if Hop Sing baked a whole bunch a apple pies?” asked Hoss hopefully.

“We need to find something practical” suggested Ben.

Just then, Little Joe came trotting down the staircase. He was still clad in the chemise. Marie was trying to catch up to the little boy. Seeing his brothers, Little Joe ran for them. Adam scooped Little Joe up into his arms. 

“Why is Little Joe dressed like a girl?” he asked.

Little Joe replied “Don’t me wook pwetty?”

With a glare for his sons, Ben said “I can’t get him out of that shift and back into his own clothes.”

Hoss noticed the competing smells of cologne and perfume and wrinkled up his nose in distaste. “What’s he been doin’” asked Hoss.

“You’re brother has been playing dress up” said Marie.

“Is he limiting himself to your clothes?” Adam asked Marie.

“He’s combining mine and your father’s” Marie answered while reaching for Little Joe.

Feeling a tension headache coming on, Ben decided a bath was what he needed. “You boys keep a careful eye on Joseph” he said to Adam and Hoss. “I’ll be in the bathhouse.” Ben went into the kitchen to let Hop Sing know he was going to need hot water for a bath.

Marie fixed Adam and Hoss with a look and said “Make sure Petit Joseph stays out of trouble. Your father has an important man coming for supper tonight.” With that, she went into the kitchen to check on Hop Sing’s progress.

***

Ben started to relax while soaking in the tub. He heard the door open and assumed either Hop Sing or Marie was coming to check on him. Cracking open one eye, Ben didn’t see anyone. The smell of lavender drifted into Ben’s nostrils. Then he felt a scrub brush against his back.

“You gotta get cwean, Papa” said Little Joe as he vigorously scrubbed his father’s back.

“That’s enough, Joseph” said Ben. The little boy was scrubbing too hard. Ben noticed that his son was still dressed in the chemise.

“Me make you smell pwetty too” Little Joe said as he started dumping more bath salts into the tub. Ben quickly jumped out of the tub, startling Little Joe. Ben wrapped himself in his robe and then grabbed the jar of bath salts from his youngest. Little Joe started crying. He had only been trying to help Papa get clean and smell good.

Taking the little boy inside, Ben called for Adam to come get Little Joe. Adam came downstairs and was surprised to see his Pa holding a crying, squirming Little Joe.

“Take your brother upstairs, put him into his own clothes, and don’t let him out of your sight. Hop Sing will be bringing some supper upstairs for you boys soon. When Mr. Powell arrives, I expect you to make sure Joseph behaves. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir” answered Adam, taking his baby brother from his father. “Come on, buddy, let’s get you into some boy clothes” said Adam to Little Joe. “Maybe Hoss will give you a horsey ride” he added.

“You fink so?” asked Little Joe excitedly. He liked it when Adam and Hoss gave him horsey rides. Hoss’ were really fun because he bucked like the horseys in the corral.

Marie came out of the kitchen with some vanilla scented candles. “Perhaps if we light these, the smell of cologne and parfum will not be so strong?” Ben was willing to try anything at this point, so he and Marie lit the candles.

A burning smell started to come from the kitchen followed by yelling in Cantonese. Marie and Ben burst into the kitchen to see smoke pouring out of the oven and Hop Sing practically beside himself. “I step outta kitchen for one minute and biscuit burn! You no smell?!? Why you not save biscuit?!?”

“We were in the other room” said Ben, trying to calm the cook down. “No smells can compete with the perfume aroma in the house. Why did you step out of the kitchen?”

“I hafto” replied Hop Sing. He did not elaborate. Marie guessed that Hop Sing must have gone to the outhouse.

“Pa, smells like the biscuits are burnin’” yelled Hoss from the staircase.

“We’ve got it under control, mon fils” answered Marie, poking her head into the dining area. She knew Hoss was trying to be helpful and didn’t want Ben to yell at the boy.

“We’d better get dressed” said Ben coming out of the kitchen.

Ben and Marie went upstairs to change for their guest. Marie went into Adam’s room to check on Little Joe. The boy was sitting quietly on the floor, still wearing his mother’s chemise.

“Why don’t you put Petit Joseph into a nightshirt?” she asked Adam. She figured that her little dynamo would soon be asleep. Adam didn’t even look up as said “Okay” and continued to draw a picture of Little Joe wearing the chemise and playing with some wooden blocks. Marie thought that Adam wouldn’t change Little Joe until the child fell asleep.

She went into her room and wrinkled her nose at the smell of cologne and perfume. Ben’s face was turning slightly blue from trying to hold his breath. She was tempted to do the same, but she realized she wouldn’t be able to manage a corset if she passed out. Ben helped her lace the corset and then did up the buttons on the back of her dress. She helped him with his tie. They heard Hop Sing delivering supper to the boys and Little Joe squealing with delight at a sandwich made correctly.

Descending the stairs, both Ben and Marie wrinkled their noses. The smells of vanilla, bay rum cologne, French perfume, and burned biscuits was overpowering. Marie gave an exploratory sniff and then leaned in close to her husband. “Is that lavender I smell?” she asked curiously. Ben made a face as he remembered Little Joe pouring his mother’s bath salts into the tub. He tried to explain it to Marie, but she held up her hand. Losing her perfume was bad enough. She didn’t want to know about the loss of her bath salts, too.

Hop Sing came back downstairs, muttering to himself in Cantonese. He shot a glare at Ben as he headed for the kitchen. He was thinking if only Mr. Cartlight had following the samwich instructions, none of this might have happened.

Just then, there was a knock on the door. Ben went to the door and opened it to see Jim Powell.

“Come in, Mr. Powell” said Ben extending his hand to his guest.

“Good evening,” said Powell, removing his hat. He gave a slight bow to Marie, saying “Good evening to you, ma’am.”

Marie nodded her head and replied, “Good evening, Mr. Powell, and welcome to our home.”

“Thank you” said Mr. Powell, looking around as he sniffed the air in the big room.

“Would you care for a sherry?” asked Ben.

“That would be delightful” Powell replied as he wrinkled up his nose and sniffed again.

As Ben was pouring the sherry, a squeal erupted from upstairs. Little Joe came tearing down the stairs, still dressed in his mother’s chemise. He ran to her and grabbed at her skirts. 

Taking in Little Joe’s clothing and head full of curls, Powell told Ben and Marie “What a lovely daughter you have.”

Marie blushed furiously since Joseph was still clad in one of her undergarments. Ben said “This is my son, Joseph.”

Adam appeared on the stairs, looking both angry and embarrassed. He was angry with Little Joe for trying to take his mother’s music box off of the nightstand. Adam was embarrassed that Little Joe had appeared in front of his father’s guest in Marie’s chemise.

Extending his hand to Powell, Adam said “I’m Adam Cartwright, oldest son and babysitter.” He made a grab for Little Joe, who ran to hide behind Mr. Powell.

As Little Joe reached him, Mr. Powell, wrinkled up his nose. The chemise-clad boy smelled of perfume and cologne. What did the Cartwrights allow this boy to do?

Adam finally caught his little brother and hauled him up the stairs. Little Joe blew kisses at his parents and Mr. Powell as he was carried up the stairs.

Ben felt the need to explain the competing smells in the house to Mr. Powell. “My son was playing dress up earlier today and he managed to combine Mrs. Cartwright’s perfume and my cologne. We hoped the candles would help dissipate the smell.”

Mr. Powell laughed and said “I have two daughters of my own. My youngest, Fiona, liked to put on my smoking jacket and walk around with my pipe in her mouth. A very unlady-like sight for company, I assure you.”

Ben and Marie laughed in relief. There was hope that Little Joe would outgrow this phase. Especially the interest in his mother’s underclothes.

As Ben and Marie escorted Mr. Powell to the table, Hop Sing brought out a delicious-looking roast. Mr. Powell took in a deep whiff and said “Dinner smells exquisite.”

“This is Ponderosa beef” Ben said as Hop Sing sliced the roast. Juice dripped onto the platter as the medium-rare interior was exposed.

“Aaah” Powell said as the beef melted in his mouth. “My chef could do wonders with this beef. If you could guarantee seven head a month, my restaurant would do a booming business in your beef.”

Ben smiled in delight and said “Why don’t we make it ten?”

“Done” said Mr. Powell, raising his glass to toast this new venture.

Ben was pleased to have gotten such a lucrative deal. Ponderosa beef would be served at one of the finest restaurants in San Francisco. It turned out that Little Joe’s adventures in dressing up and smelling pretty had not been a negative influence on the deal after all. Ben thought he might buy Little Joe a girl’s sized chemise and some cheap perfume just in case this phase lasted a while.

The End