Summary:  It’s the end of the month and settling the accounts nearly spells an apoplexy for Ben.  (Author’s note:  Should include a horror warning for Little Joe fans.)

Rating:  K+  (10,440 words)

Settling the Accounts

 

Ben Cartwright stood up and stretched as the last man took his money and thanked him. “Well that’s that,” he said, shutting the payroll tin with a bang. “Everyone’s been paid for another month.”

 

“Not quite everyone,” Adam reminded his father with a grin as he put his hand out with the palm facing upward.

 

“Of course,” replied Ben as he opened the tin again and began to count out several notes. “Sorry son. Hoss? Joe?” he called out. “Come and get your pay, boys.”

 

Hoss sauntered over to stand beside Adam and waited while his father continued to count. “Sure is a good feeling to get paid,” he said. “I’ve got that new bridle just waiting in town to be picked up and today’s the day.”

 

“It wouldn’t hurt you to bank a bit of that,” said his father as he placed a pile of notes on first Adam’s palm and then Hoss’. “I hope you’re going to.”

 

“Maybe,” said Hoss absently, as he counted out his money. “But first I’m getting that new bridle I ordered.”

 

Ben winked at Adam as they both watched Hoss counting. “Don’t you trust your father?” he asked.

 

Hoss looked up, momentarily confused. “What?” he said and then grinned as he noticed the twinkle in both their eyes. “Aw gee, Pa,” he said. “Course I trust ya. Force of habit is all cause you always tell us to double check whenever we get any money.”

 

Ben slapped his son on the shoulder. “I sure do,” he agreed. “Joseph? Don’t you want your pay?”

 

Joe scampered over to his father. “Sure do!” he said brightly. “I’ve got lots to do with it!” He held out his hand and waited while Ben counted the money into it. “Thanks Pa!” he said happily. “We gonna get going now?”

 

“What’s the matter?” asked Adam with a smirk. “Can’t wait to get into town and spend it all?”

 

Joe pocketed his money and made a face at his older brother. “Ain’t that what money’s for?” he asked. He waved a hand towards the corral where most of the ranch hands were already mounting up and some had even taken off towards Virginia City. “Everyone else is gonna either drink their money or spend it on …” he cleared his throat. “… on other things,” he added vaguely. “Ain’t that what the end of the month pay is for?”

 

“There is such a thing a saving your money for a rainy day Joseph,” said his father over his shoulder as he walked towards his horse.

 

Joe looked at the sky and stroked his chin thoughtfully. “Yeah, well it looks kinda sunny to me today Pa,” he said. “So I reckon saving money can wait for another day.” He giggled at his own joke and winked at Hoss, but his older brother simply shook his head and walked towards his own horse.

 

“I spose you’re gonna put all yours in the bank?” asked Joe as he and Adam followed their brother. “I reckon you must have enough in there to tide us all over if that rainy day ever comes.”

 

“I wouldn’t count on it, little brother,” said Adam as he swung up into the saddle. “Any money that I’ve saved up will go for things I need, not for you.”

 

“Hear that Pa?” said Joe as they all began to ride out of the front yard and down the trail that led to town. “Adam ain’t gonna share like you always tell us to!” He gave all of them a cheeky grin. “That ain’t nice Adam,” he added in a teasing tone.

 

Adam ignored the remark, as did everyone else, so Joe started to hum quietly to himself as he rode along. For a few minutes there was silence and then Hoss broke it. “You gonna get all the accounts settled today Pa?” he asked.

 

“Of course,” replied his father. “Don’t I always pay everyone off at the end of the month? I don’t like anyone having to wait any longer than that for what I owe.”

 

“Don’t forget that feed bill,” Adam reminded his father. “It’s going to be mighty high this month with all the hand feeding we had to do with those calves.”

 

Ben sighed. “I’d forgotten about that,” he said. “I might have to go to the bank and get some more cash out.” He shook his head. “I don’t know,” he mused aloud. “The price of everything just seems sky high at the moment. I hate to think what that feed bill is going to be.”

 

Joe waved an arm around casually. “What does it matter?” he asked. “We got plenty of money to pay it.”

 

Ben gave his youngest son a stern look. “That isn’t the point Joseph,” he said. “Just because a person has money doesn’t mean that he should waste it.”

 

“Yes sir,” replied Joe automatically.

 

“Well it’s hardly wasting it, is it?” asked Adam reasonably. “It’s not as if we didn’t use the feed.”

 

“True,” acknowledged his father. “But I hate paying out for something when it could have been avoided.”

 

“Pa,” protested Hoss. “You know them little critters needed more feed than they could get on the mountains at the moment. The winter’s been tough and there ain’t much spring grass fer em yet.”

 

“Well if we’d used some of the hay we’ve got in the barn like I said, then we ….” began Ben.

 

Adam rolled his eyes at Hoss behind their father’s back. “Pa, it would have taken an awful lot of work to get that hay back out there,” he interrupted. “And a lot of time that could better be put into other things. Besides, we can always use it later for the horses.”

 

Ben snorted and didn’t reply and Hoss rolled his eyes right back at his older brother as he grinned at him. They all knew that their father was careful with the pennies, but sometimes he just carried things a bit too far.

 

“Hey Adam?” Joe motioned with his hand for his older brother to drop back a little, so the two of them slowed down their horses and let their father and Hoss ride a little ahead.

 

“What?” asked Adam when they were far enough behind so that the other two couldn’t hear them.

 

“I’ve been wondering,” began Joe. “How come Pa’s so mean with all the money he’s got? He’s got plenty, but he sure don’t want to spend none of it too often.”

 

Adam shrugged. “I wouldn’t call him mean, Joe,” he said, speaking slowly and choosing his words carefully. “Maybe careful would be a more accurate way to describe him.”

 

“Well whatever you call it, he sure does hate spending money,” said Joe. “I mean, he’s always giving it away to other folks but when it comes to spending it on himself or us or ….” He waved his hand around. “Things for the ranch, he can be downright stingy.”

 

Adam tried not to laugh at his brother’s words. “I think he just has a good memory,” he said. “Things weren’t always so easy for Pa you know. I remember a time when he couldn’t afford to even buy food some days.”

 

Joe looked thoughtful. “When you were a little kid?” he asked.

 

Adam nodded. “Yes,” he said. “Looking back on things now I realise that there were many times when he wouldn’t eat just so that Hoss and I could be fed when we were younger. By the time you came along things were a lot better so you never experienced those times.” He shook his head. “What you’ve got to remember Joe is that Pa has really had a struggle in his life to make ends meet. The Ponderosa didn’t just happen overnight, you know.”

 

“I know that,” said Joe, a touch defensively. “But now that he’s got the money, well why don’t he want to spend it more often?”

 

“Old habits die hard, I suppose,” replied Adam.

 

Joe sighed. “Well, I sure wish he’d spend a bit more on working clothes,” he said. “These trousers are getting right short on me and I’m sick and tired of wearing this blue jacket.”

 

“Be thankful at least that you’ve got decent clothes to wear,” Adam admonished him. “Some folks don’t have even that!”

 

“I know,” said Joe with a sigh. “Only sometimes I wish I had a couple of different things to wear, you know?”

 

Adam nodded, for he did know. It was the strangest thing, but their father could spend a lot of money when negotiating for contracts or building up the land resources of the ranch, but when it came to the smaller things in life such as clothing he expected that his sons made do with what they had. “Waste not, want not,” he said with a grin.

 

“And how many times have we heard that?” said Joe, returning the grin. “Anyone would think we were poor or something.” He gave Adam a penetrating look. “Is that why you always wear black?” he asked.

 

“One of the reasons,” replied Adam. In truth he’d given up arguing with his father about clothing. Every time he went to buy something they usually ended up in a disagreement about it, so he’d found over the years that it was simply easier to stick to a few basic items of clothing.

 

“I’d like a new hat,” Joe continued. “This one is getting too small.”

 

Adam glanced at the small black hat on his brother’s head. “Well then, just buy yourself one,” he said. “You spend enough of your wages on other things, why not clothing?”

 

Joe looked thoughtful. “But Pa always buys my clothes,” he said. “I never thought about buying anything for myself.”

 

“Well maybe it’s time that you did,” replied Adam. “Hoss and I have been buying our own clothing for quite a while now.” He reached over and patted Joe on the shoulder. “Time to grow up, little brother,” he said. “Make a stand.”

 

Joe nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “I might just do that.”

 

Ben looked over his shoulder. “What are you two jabbering on about back there?” he shouted. “Stop dawdling or everything will be closed before we get into town!”

 

Joe urged his horse forward until he was riding next to his father. “Everything except the important places,” he said with a cheeky grin. “Are you buying in the saloon tonight Pa?”

 

Ben raised an eyebrow. “We’ll see,” he said. “I think I might be able to afford a drink or two seeing as how you’ve all worked so hard this past month.”

 

Hoss smacked his lips. “That’ll be great,” he said. “I sure do look forward to Saturday nights in town.”

 

“Well, before you look forward to your Saturday night in town there’s things to be done on Saturday afternoon,” his father reminded him. He shook his head again. “Lord knows what Paul Martin’s bill is going to be this month,” he said. “There are times when I feel like I keep him employed full time.”

 

Adam laughed. “He’d probably agree with you,” he said. “There’s always someone in our family who seems to need his attention.”

 

“And house calls don’t come cheap,” his father reminded him. “I still don’t see why you had to call him out to the ranch last week when those two hands got into a fight. They could have taken themselves into town and had Paul look them over there.”

 

“Pa!” protested Adam. “One of them had a busted leg. You couldn’t honestly have expected him to sit on a horse all the way into town!”

 

Ben sniffed. “There is such a thing as the buckboard,” he said.

 

“I thought he might have had internal injuries,” Adam reminded his father. “You didn’t want a man’s life hanging in the balance just to save a few dollars, did you?”

 

“Of course not,” Ben said wearily. “It just seems that with all those trips Paul made out to the ranch this month because of Joe’s hurt arm ….” He gave his youngest son a stern look as if he could have avoided hurting himself. “… then when Hoss fell off the ladder ….”

 

“And Hop Sing’s rash,” Joe reminded him.

 

“Exactly!” said his father. “All those trips! Paul must be getting a fortune from me this month!”

 

“Well there is one way you could save money as far as the doctor is concerned,” said Adam.

 

His father shot him an interested look. “Yes?” he said. “How?”

 

“You could make all the ranch hands pay for their own medical expenses,” said Adam.

 

Ben shook his head. “We’ve been through this before,” he said. “I happen to believe that if a man takes on employment then he should be able to expect that his employer looks after him. I remember what if feels like to not be able to afford the most simplest of medical help.” His eyes took on a faraway look. “When you were a youngster you were forever coming down with one illness or another Adam,” he said. “I often couldn’t afford to take you to a doctor and it’s a very worrying thing.” He smiled at Adam and Hoss. “Actually that’s how I met your mother, son,” he said to Hoss.

 

Hoss nodded, for they’d all heard the story many times of how it was little Adam’s sore throat that had led their father to the general store where Inger …. Hoss’ mother …. had worked. She had supplied their father with some medicine for the little boy and that had been the beginning of their relationship together. “Yeah,” he said. “She knew a lot about such things, didn’t she Pa?”

 

“She did indeed,” said his father. “I often thought that she would have made a wonderful doctor or nurse. She had such a way with sick animals too. I remember one time when the wagon train we were on was held up because there was a mare giving birth.”

 

“I remember that!” said Adam. “She made the whole wagon train wait.”

 

Ben nodded. “That’s right,” he said. “Now there was a woman who didn’t waste money either. She knew how to stretch a dollar. I remember one time ….” Ben spent the next few miles reminiscing about his second wife, much to Hoss’ delight, who loved to hear about his mother.

 

By the time they reached town, Ben was all talked out and Hoss was grinning from ear to ear. “I might just go and get that bridle first,” he said. “Where will I meet up with you Pa?”

 

“Maybe down at the mercantile,” said his father. “I’ll go and pay that feed bill first and get it over with.”

 

“You want me to pay it for you?” volunteered Adam. “It might stress you out too much handing over all that money.” He winked at Hoss and Joe and then gave his father a grin.

 

“No, thank you,” said Ben stiffly. “I am quite capable of keeping my temper over a feed bill.”

 

“Well then, I might just go on down to the bookstore,” said Adam. “I need to settle up my account down there and see if there’s anything new on the shelves.”

 

“Fine,” said his father. “We’ll all meet at the mercantile then. Joe, you come with me.”

 

Joe cleared his throat. “Actually Pa, I was thinking I might do a few things myself.” He gave his father a tentative smile.

 

“Like what?” asked Ben.

 

“Well, I was thinking …” Joe touched his black hat self-consciously. “I was thinking that I might buy me a new hat.”

 

Ben frowned. “Why?” he demanded. “You’ve got a perfectly good hat already.”

 

“Aw Pa,” protested Joe. “It’s too small! It makes my head look too big.”

 

Ben sniffed. “It looks perfectly fine to me,” he said. “There’s nothing wrong with it.”

 

“But I’ve had it for nigh on four years!” Joe protested. “I’m sick of it! There’s a real nice tan one I’ve had my eye on in the window of ….”

 

“I’ve been wearing this hat of mine for close to ten years now,” his father interrupted. “And there’s nothing wrong with it. Waste not, want not, young man.”

 

“I’ve had mine for a long time too,” said Hoss rather unhelpfully, patting his big ten gallon hat affectionately. “Folks recognise me on account of my hat.”

 

“Yeah, but your head was full-grown when you bought it,” said Joe. “Pa got mine for me when I was still growing.” He gave his father a hangdog look. “It’s my money,” he reminded him. “You always said we should be responsible for our own money and decide what you do with it.”

 

“Well, yes,” agreed Ben. “But I don’t approve of waste.”

 

“But it ain’t waste,” insisted Joe. “It’s right fine hat Pa.”

 

“Let him buy it Pa,” piped up Adam. “It is his money, after all.”

 

“All right,” said Ben. “As you say … it is your money son, so I suppose you’ve got the right to buy what you like with it.” He looked at all three of his sons in turn. “I just wish you’d all learnt to save a bit.”

 

“Pa, that’s hardly fair,” said Adam quickly. “I save a lot of money. You know that.”

 

“True,” said his father.

 

“Yeah. Old money bags never spends anything,” said Joe.

 

Adam raised an eyebrow. “And where am I headed right now?” he said.

 

“Oh … books ….” said Joe dismissively. “Books aren’t spending money. I mean spending it on important things like ….” He stopped as he realised that he was about to get himself into a hole that he just might find hard to dig his way out of. “Well, I’d best go and get that hat,” he said.

 

“You make sure you’re on time down at that mercantile!” his father shouted after him. “Half an hour young man!”

 

Joe waved his hand airily as he rode off down the street.

 

“New hat!” Ben said under his breath. “New hat indeed!”

 

“See ya Pa,” said Hoss, also turning his horse. “I’m going to get me that bridle.”

 

“And I’m off to the bookstore,” said Adam, also turning away. “I’ll see you at the mercantile.”

 

Ben snorted again before urging his horse down the street towards the Feed and Grain Store. “Hats … bridles …. books ….” he muttered softly under his breath. “Why can’t they simply save their money for once? Waste not, want not …. that’s always been my motto and it’s a darned good one to ….” He tipped his hat as he pulled his horse to a halt. “Afternoon Jim,” he said to the man standing outside the Feed and Grain Store. “Nice day!”

 

“Sure is,” replied Jim Haskins. “I was hoping you might be in today Ben, it being the end of the month and all.”

 

“Of course,” replied Ben as he got down from his horse. “I’ve come to settle the account for the month as usual.”

 

“And it sure is a big one,” said Jim as Ben followed him inside. “Everything’s going up, you know. I’ve got expenses to cover.”

 

“Yes, I’m sure you do,” said Ben. “Tell me what the damage is.” He swallowed as the other man put a piece of paper on the counter between them. “That much?” he said.

 

Jim nodded. “Like I said, everything’s going up and you did have all that extra feed. Plus your usual. It all adds up Ben.”

 

Ben scrutinized the piece of paper. “What’s this for?” he asked, pointing to a figure at bottom.

 

“Haulage,” replied Jim easily. “I gotta get the grain here somehow, don’t I?”

 

“Hmph!” snorted Ben. He opened his wallet and began to count out the bills onto the counter. “Daylight robbery!”

 

Jim grinned at him unabashed as he picked up the notes. “Now Ben,” he said. “You know as well as I do just what it takes to run a business.”

 

“Maybe so,” Ben acknowledged. “Only some folks can do it and still manage to keep their prices reasonable.”

 

“And I’m one of em,” said Jim, putting the money in a tin under the counter. “Take your business elsewhere if you don’t like it.”

 

Ben pointed a finger at the man. “You know full well that you’re the only Feed and Grain store in town,” he said accusingly.

 

“Ain’t my fault,” replied Jim, grinning at him for he was well used to Ben Cartwright’s ways. He was one of the most generous men Jim knew, yet every month they had the same conversation about his prices nevertheless.

 

“Hmm,” said Ben. “Well, I’d best be out of here before you think of something else to put on that bill.”

 

“Be seeing you,” shouted Jim. “At the end of next month as usual!” He chuckled as Ben gave him a dark look and left the store.

 

As he reached the sidewalk outside, Ben nearly ran into Hoss who was about to enter the store. “What are you doing here?” Ben asked. “I thought you were down at the Tack Store?”

 

Hoss nodded and held up his new bridle. “I was,” he said. “Ain’t it a beauty Pa?”

 

“Very nice,” his father acknowledged.

 

“I told Bert down there that you were in town and he said to mention to you about your account,” Hoss continued.

 

Ben gave his son a blank look. “Account?” he said. “We don’t owe anything there.”

 

Hoss nodded. “Seems we do Pa,” he said. “Remember you ordered all that tack two months ago? Well seems like the shipment’s come in yesterday and Bert kinda gave me the impression that he’d like to be paid for it right quick.”

 

“I see,” sighed Ben, reaching in and taking out his wallet again. “How much?”

 

“Fifty dollars,” said Hoss.

 

“Jumping Jephosophat!” shouted Ben angrily. “How on earth could a bit of tack cost fifty dollars?”

 

“And forty three cents,” added Hoss, quite unabashed by his father’s shouting.

 

Ben nodded. “Fifty dollars and forty three cents,” he said. “Incredible!”

 

“Well it was quite a bit of stuff you ordered,” said Hoss.

 

“Apparently so,” said his father dryly as he held out some notes. “Go and pay it for me please son. Here’s the fifty dollars.”

 

“… and forty three cents,” Hoss prompted him.

 

Ben scowled at Hoss as he reached into his pocket. “Oh, by all means,” he added sarcastically. “Let’s not forget the forty three cents!” He looked into his near-empty wallet. “Seems I’m gong to have to go to the bank and get some more cash out just as I thought,” he said.

 

“OK,” said Hoss happily pocketing the money. “I’ll tell Bert to keep the tack aside for us and we’ll pick it up next week. That OK, Pa?”

 

“Yes,” said his father, still staring into his wallet as if some money might magically appear there. “I suppose so.” He sighed again and turned towards the bank, tipping his hat to several women as he walked along the footpath.

 

“Ben!” said George Bristol the bank manager as Ben entered the building. “I didn’t expect to see you back here so soon. You only picked the payroll up yesterday. Wasn’t it enough?”

 

“Apparently not,” said Ben with a shrug of his shoulders. “You know how it is George. End of the month ….”

 

“End of the month accounts,” George finished for him as he motioned to the teller to approach. “I sure do. Hank here will take care of you Ben.”

 

“Thank you,” said Ben and turned to the teller. “I think I’d best take out another two hundred,” he said.

 

“Big month, Mr Cartwright?” said the man as he slid a withdrawal slip across the counter for Ben to sign.

 

“It would seem so,” said Ben. He sighed. “I suppose I’m one of the lucky ones, but Lord knows where the money goes lately.”

 

Hank nodded sympathetically as he counted out some bills. “Well at least you have it in your account to take out,” he said. “Not all folks are so lucky.”

 

Ben nodded. “Yes,” he said. “I’ll try to keep that in mind.” He tipped his hat to the two men before putting the bills into his wallet. “Good afternoon gentlemen,” he said.

 

As Ben reached the sidewalk again, he squinted in the afternoon sun before putting his wallet into his vest pocket and heading down the street towards the mercantile. As he approached the store he saw Joe standing there by his horse. “Joseph,” he said. “I’m glad to see that you’re on time for once.”

 

“Yeah Pa,” said Joe, turning quickly. “Always on time … that’s my motto.” He gave his father a grin as he held his hands behind his back.

 

“What have you got there?” asked his father, curiously.

 

“See my new hat Pa?” said Joe, indicating his head with one hand and ignoring the remark. “It’s a nice one, ain’t it?”

 

Ben looked at the tan hat and nodded his head. “Yes, well I must admit that it does fit you a bit better than the other one,” he said. “Now you make sure that this one lasts you a long time son.” He pointed a finger at the young man. “Remember what I always tell you. Waste ….”

 

“ …. not, want not,” Joe finished for him. “I know Pa. Hey Adam, see my new hat?”

 

“Nice,” said Adam as he approached them. “Hoss not here yet?”

 

“He went to the Tack Store to settle up an account we apparently owe there,” said Ben. He frowned as he saw the pile of books in Adam’s hands. “Been spending up son?”

 

Adam looked slightly embarrassed. “Well, I ordered these quite a while ago,” he said. “Some are from Boston and some from New York. Just my luck that they’ve all come in at the same time. On top of what I already owed, that doesn’t leave me much to bank at all this month.”

 

“Why bank any of it?” piped up Joe. “Spend it on something good and live a little, brother!” Adam raised and eyebrow, but said nothing as he began to pack his books into his saddlebags.

 

“You two hurry up,” said their father. “I’m going to get our account settled in the mercantile.” He went inside the building and Adam immediately turned to Joe. “What’s that?” he asked, pointing to the brown wrapped parcel that the young man was still holding behind his back.

 

Joe looked furtive. “Nothin,” he said. “Just something I bought, is all.”

 

“Something other than the hat?” enquired Adam. “I wouldn’t have thought you’d have had much money left to buy anything else.”

 

“I didn’t,” Joe admitted. “I put it on Pa’s account.”

 

“What?” said Adam. “What is it?”

 

Joe undid the parcel at one end. “It’s that green jacket I was talking about before,” he said. “It’ll go real nice with my new hat, don’t ya think?”

 

“That’s not the point,” replied Adam. “The hat was one thing, but what do you think Pa’s going to say when he finds out that there’s a jacket on next month’s clothing account?”

 

Joe shrugged. “I reckon by next month I’ll have half the money for it,” he said. “And I’ve got a whole month to think of a way to talk Pa into paying for the other half.”

 

Adam shook his head. “Joe, sometimes you amaze me,” he said.

 

Joe grinned at him. “Gee thanks!” he said, proudly. “I got to thinking about the advice you gave me. You know, about standing up for myself and all. That’s what made up my mind about getting it.”

 

Adam’s jaw dropped. “Now don’t you dare blame this on me,” he said, pointing his finger at his brother. “When Pa starts to skin you alive for spending that money you just tell him ….”

 

“What’s Pa gonna skin him alive fer now?” asked Hoss, coming up to stand beside them.

 

“He bought a new jacket and put it on Pa’s account,” said Adam.

 

Hoss made a face and shrugged. “Good luck with that one little brother,” he said simply. “Nice hat but.”

 

“Ain’t it though?” said Joe, puffing up and patting it proudly. “I like your bridle too Hoss,” he added generously as he looked at the piece of leather dangling from Hoss’ hand.

 

“Well if we’re all finished admiring each other, I think we’d best get inside,” observed Adam dryly. “You know how Pa gets when he has to pay the monthly account for the mercantile. We might need to calm him down.”

 

As they entered the store, it seemed as if the oldest Cartwright son was right, for their father was leaning over the counter examining a long piece of paper and not looking at all happy about it. “Who on earth ordered buckets?” he demanded as soon as he saw his three sons.

 

“I did Pa,” said Adam calmly. “We needed a few new ones.”

 

Ben frowned and went back to reading the account again. “Incredible!” he said under his breath. “How can one family eat so much food?”

 

“It’s easy,” said Hoss, coming to stand next to his father. “We all work hard, so we’ve all got right big appetites Pa.”

 

Ben looked his son up and down before replying. “And some of us have bigger ones than others,” he said. “Just take a look at this!” He waved the account under Hoss’ nose. “Why on earth would Hop Sing have ordered so much flour this month? And sugar? And ….. Good Lord!” he exploded. “I’ve never seen such a list!”

 

“Now Pa,” said Adam, holding up his hands to quiet the man. “You know that we had all those visitors last month ….”

 

“Yeah,” said Joe. “And boy could they eat! Almost as much as Hoss!”

 

“And then there was the party for Founder’s Day,” Hoss reminded them. “Hop Sing did a whole mess of cooking for that.”

 

Ben nodded. “True,” he said.

 

“You honestly can’t expect him to cook without buying the ingredients,” said Adam calmly. “You can’t expect decent food from only the things we produce ourselves.”

 

Ben scowled at the account as if it was responsible for the amount written on it. “Well maybe we should start trying to,” he said. “Maybe we should just all eat a much simpler diet from now on.”

 

Hoss looked stricken. “You ain’t serious Pa?” he said quickly. “I need my grub!”

 

Ben sighed and opened his wallet wearily as he faced the man behind the counter. “All right Will,” he said. “What does it all come to?”

 

Will Catts consulted his master list. “One hundred and thirty four dollars and nineteen cents,” he announced.

 

There was silence as Ben stared at him. “What did you say?” he asked in a low voice.

 

Will swallowed. “One hundred and thirty four dollars and nineteen cents,” he repeated. “But you can forget the nineteen cents, seeing as how you’re such a good customer Ben.” He gave them all a weak smile. “Don’t know how I’d survive without the Cartwright business some months,” he added.

 

Ben said nothing, but counted out the bills, plonked them on the counter and then turned to face his three sons. “No one spends one more cent in this store without asking permission first!” he shouted and then stalked out of the building.

 

Adam shrugged and gave Will an apologetic look before turning to follow his father. Joe giggled and winked at two women in the corner who had witnessed the scene and Hoss merely looked at the ceiling and whistled softly to himself as if he didn’t know what was going on.

 

“You wanna settle up now too?” Will asked Hoss when they were alone.

 

Hoss looked first to the right and then to the left to make sure that no one was within earshot before replying. “Sure,” he said in a loud whisper. “What’s it come to this month?”

 

Will did a quick calculation. “Six dollars even,” he said and held out his hand.

 

Hoss took some money out of his pocket and counted it before handing it to the man. “Add in an extra ten cent’s worth of them bullseyes,” he said. “I sure am grateful to you for keeping our little secret Will.”

 

“Think nothing of it,” replied Will as he measured out the bullseyes and then handed them to Hoss. “It’s all business to me.” He watched as Hoss secreted the small paper bag into his pocket. “Only why you just can’t put your candy on your father’s account is beyond me.”

 

“You saw him just now,” said Hoss. “If he knew that I spend all this money on candy he’d have a fit!” He tipped his hat to the man. “Be seeing ya Will and thanks again.” He grimaced as he came outside and heard his father yelling at Adam and Joe.
“And that’s another thing,” the man shouted. “Eight pickaxes! Why would we need eight new pickaxes, for heaven’s sake?” Joe opened his mouth to answer, but his father didn’t pause long enough to allow him to. “And the amount of coffee this month!” Ben shouted. “Criminal! That’s what it is, criminal!” He pointed as finger at Joe, then Adam and finally Hoss as he came to stand next to him. “Next month we’re all drinking tea!” he said. “It’s cheaper!”

 

Joe made a face. “But I hate tea!” he protested.

 

“Then do without!” shouted his father angrily. “There is no way that ….”

 

“Mr Cartwright?”

 

They all turned to see Will standing in the doorway of the store with a brown paper bag in his hand. “I forgot,” he said. “Hop Sing has been waiting on these currants and they just came in on Wednesday.” He held it out cheerfully to Ben who snatched it from him without a word. “Now don’t you worry about paying for them now Ben,” he said happily. “I can put them on next month’s account.” He waved to them all and then disappeared into the shop again.

 

Ben glared at the bag of currants before stuffing it into his saddlebag without another word.

 

“Um …. I’d best go down to the bank and put what’s left of my money into my account,” said Adam. He made a face and motioned with his head at his brothers. “You two coming?”

 

Joe shook his head. “I ain’t got anything much left to put in,” he said.

 

“Hoss?”

 

Hoss shook his head as he stared at his father’s back. “Um … not right now Adam,” he said. “I need to tell Pa ….” He shrugged and didn’t elaborate on what he needed to tell his father, so no one pressed the point.

 

“Pa?” Adam said. “Have you already been to the bank?”

 

Ben turned to face them again, his eyes still blazing. “Yes, I have!” he snapped. “But it seems that I didn’t withdraw as much money as I needed!” He looked at them all in turn before adding. “Get another hundred out of the bank Adam.”

 

“Sure,” said Adam and then added tentatively. “Is that going to be enough?”

 

Ben held his hands up in despair. “Who would know?” he said. “Better make it two hundred in case!”

 

Adam took a step back. “Sure,” he said. “I won’t be long.”

 

“Pa?” said Hoss tentatively as Adam disappeared.

 

“What?” snapped his father.

 

Hoss swallowed. “I hate to remind you, but do you want me to take care of the blacksmith for you?”

 

Ben said nothing, but simply glared at his middle son. “The blacksmith?” he asked finally.

 

“Yeah,” said Hoss. “Only when I was at the Tack Store earlier on I remembered bout that box of horseshoes we got last week.”

 

“And Adam’s horse was re-shod too,” Joe piped up. “Don’t forget that!”

 

“Oh no!” said his father sarcastically. “Let’s not forget that!” He reached into his pocket again and withdrew his wallet. “How much do you think it will be?” he asked Hoss.

 

Hoss swallowed again. “I’m sure I don’t know,” he said.

 

Ben sighed. “Take twenty,” he said. “And bring me back the change!” he shouted as Hoss took the money and made off with it quickly.

 

Joe took a step away from his father. “Well I might just ….” he began.

 

“You just stay right where I can keep an eye on you, young man,” interrupted his father. “I’m going to pay the doctor’s bill and you can come with me.”

 

“Aw gee Pa,” protested Joe. “But …”

 

“With me, Joseph!” said his father firmly. He took off down the street, followed by a reluctant Little Joe who busied himself by tilting his new hat at different angles and watching his reflection in the various store windows as he passed them.

Ben spied Paul Martin before they’d even made it halfway to the doctor’s office. He was standing on the corner of Main Street and C Street, chatting to Roy Coffee, Virginia City’s long-time sheriff. Both of them raised a hand in greeting as Ben and Joe approached them and Ben smiled in return, for the three men were fast friends.

 

“Is it the end of the month already?” asked Roy Coffee with a twinkle in his eye. “I figured it must be because all the shop keepers round town have been rubbing their hands together in anticipation all day.

 

Ben rolled his eyes. “I’m sure they have,” he said. “I can’t believe the prices that some of them charge lately.” He turned to Paul. “I suppose you’ve got an account ready for me too?”

 

Paul nodded. “I sure have,” he said. “I wouldn’t eat for half the month if it weren’t for you and your boys Ben.” He glanced at Joe who was busy eyeing off a pretty girl who was passing. “Afternoon Joe,” he called. Joe smiled at the doctor and the sheriff and then turned quickly to watch the girl as she hustled past them.

 

“You wouldn’t have thought of anything I need to pay you for, have you Roy?” asked Ben in a sarcastic tone. “Everyone else around here seems to want money from me, so I figured you might as well.”

 

Roy stroked his chin thoughtfully. “Well now, not that I can think of,” he said with a small chuckle. “I’ll let you know if I come up with anything though.”

 

“Please do!” Ben shouted after the man as he made to cross the road with Paul. “Joseph!”

 

Joe tipped his new hat to the sheriff and ambled across the road after his father and doctor, keeping one eye open for any females that might pass as he did so.

 

“Come on in,” said Paul as he opened the outer door of his waiting room. “I’ve got your account all made up for you Ben.”

 

“I thought you might have,” said Ben. “How much is the damage this month?”

 

Paul rolled his eyes as he handed the piece of paper to Ben. “I’m afraid it’s rather a big one,” he said. “How’s the arm Joe?”

 

“Fine,” said Joe and took a step away from the doctor without actually meaning to, for the man wasn’t his favourite person. Every since Joe had been tiny he’d been quite accident-prone and he and the doctor were old adversaries. He had memories of many incidents when his father or brothers had had to hold him down while Paul Martin worked on him and he always associated the man with those times.

 

“Well I suppose it all can’t be helped,” said Ben as he surveyed the account. “I pray that one of these days we’re going to have a month where I don’t owe you anything though, Paul.”

 

Paul raised his eyebrows at the remark. “Well, it hasn’t happened yet,” he said as he took the bills that Ben held out. “And I don’t like your chances of it happening soon either.” He pointed to Joe. “Especially with this youngster around,” he added with a chuckle. “New hat Joe?”

 

“Yeah,” mumbled Joe, anxious to get out of the doctor’s rooms. “Can we go now Pa? I’ve got things to do.”

 

“Oh really?” said Ben. “And what would they be?”

 

Joe shrugged. “Just things,” he said. “Sides, Adam and Hoss are outside,” he added, looking out of the window. “I’ll be outside waiting for you Pa.” He scampered outside where his two brothers were waiting.

 

“Pa paying the doctor’s bill?” asked Adam.

 

Joe nodded. “Yeah, and he don’t seem too upset about it at all.”

 

Adam lifted an eyebrow in response. “He will be later,” he said. “He tries to keep his temper in front of Paul Martin. Haven’t you ever noticed that?”

 

“Yeah,” said Hoss. “Hey, that’s right. I ain’t never seen him too upset about money when Doc Martin’s around. Why is that Adam?’

 

“Because they’re friends,” explained his brother. “He’ll only complain when Paul’s not around to hear it.”

 

“Incredible!” snorted their father as he came out of the building. He shook his head. “Absolutely incredible!”

 

“What’s incredible Pa?” asked Adam, winking at his brothers.

 

Ben shook his head again. “The prices some people charge,” he said.

 

“Well now, Doc Martin is the only doctor in these parts, so I think he’s got the right to charge what he likes,” said Adam, trying not to smile. “Don’t you think so?”

 

“Incredible,” murmured his father again, still shaking his head. “Did you get the money from the bank son?”

 

Adam handed a wad of bills to his father. “George Bristol wanted to know if you’re coming back for more or if it’s all right for him to close up soon?” he said with a straight face.

 

“Very funny!” snorted Ben as he counted the money.

 

“What’s the matter Pa, don’t you trust me?” asked Adam in a dry tone.

 

“Of course I trust …” Ben looked up and smiled. “All right,” he said. “I’m sorry about being so grumpy today boys. It’s just that all these accounts have made me rather short tempered.”

 

“That’s OK Pa,” said Joe, patting his father on the back. “We’re used to you being all grumpy when you’ve gotta pay people money. We don’t take any notice of your stinginess.”

 

“Ben’s smile immediately turned to a frown. “What did you say?” he asked.

 

Joe took a step back. “Um ….what I meant was …. Um ….”

 

“Excuse us Mr Cartwright,” said a voice behind them and all four Cartwrights turned as one. “We’re collecting money for the school house fund,” said Dolly Kincaid as she eyed off Joe demurely. “Hello Joe.”

 

“Hi Dolly,” said Joe, giving her a wink.

 

Dolly rattled the tin in front of them. “School house fund?” she repeated.

 

“What’s wrong with the school house this time?” asked Ben as he wearily took his wallet out of his pocket.

 

“Oh, there’s nothing actually wrong with it at the moment,” Dolly assured him. “We’re just collecting money in case something needs to be fixed in the future. We’re trying to be prepared.” She smiled at Joe again as if there was no one else there. “Thank you Mr Cartwright,” she said as Ben put a few notes into the tin. She continued to stare at Joe as she added. “You’re always so generous with your money.”

 

“Think nothing of it,” sad Ben. “It’s only money after all.”

 

“New hat Joe?” asked Dolly as if she hadn’t heard Ben’s remark.

 

Joe tipped his hat to a jaunty angle. “Yeah,” he said. Like it?”

 

“I do,” breathed Dolly. “Very much.”

 

“I also got a new ….” Joe stopped as he realised what he’d been about to say.

 

“A new what?” asked Dolly.

 

“Yes Joseph,” said Ben, crossing his arms over his chest. “You also got a new what?”

 

Joe swallowed. “Um … I also got a new …. jacket,” he murmured.

 

Ben’s eyebrows shot up so that they almost disappeared into his hat. “Really?” he said. “And exactly what did you use to buy this new jacket with young man?”

 

Joe took a step sideways so that he was standing behind Dolly. “I put it on account,” he said rather boldly, but secure in the knowledge that his father wouldn’t hit him in front of a female.

 

Ben spluttered. “You … you …. what?” He tipped his hat towards Dolly. “Excuse us Miss Kincaid,” he said. “Good day.”

 

Dolly watched as Ben reached out and grabbed Joe’s sleeve, pulling him to the other side of the street.

 

“So how have you been Dolly?” asked Adam calmly, over the noise of Ben yelling in the distance. “Anything new happening?”

 

“Not much,” replied Dolly, her eyes transfixed on the scene across the street as she spoke. “Is Joe going to be …. I mean is everything …. All right?” she asked.

 

“Don’t you fret about Joe,” Hoss said with a broad grin. “He’s just involved in a bit of family business.”

 

Ben’s voice was raised a decibel or two as Adam and Hoss continued to smile at Dolly. “So how is your father?” asked Adam politely.

 

Dolly watched Joe take a couple of steps away from his father as Ben began to poke him in the chest with his finger. “Fine thanks,” she muttered. “I .. um … I’d better go and … “ she rattled the money tin again. “Um …. Bye!” she took off down the street, leaving Hoss to stare after her.

 

“She sure is a pretty gal,” he said.

 

The sound of Ben’s shouting became even louder. “I think we’d better rescue our little brother before Pa puts him over his knee in the middle of the street,” observed Adam. “Come on Hoss, it’s time to preserve the family dignity.”

 

They sauntered across the street to where Ben by now had Joe by the collar with one hand and was pointing a finger under his nose with the other. “… and furthermore young man,” he shouted. Joe was leaning as far away from his father as he possibly could under the circumstances and gave his brothers a pleading look.

 

“Pa?” said Adam, tapping his father on the shoulder.

 

“What?!” shouted Ben, not letting go of Joe’s collar.

 

“Everyone is listening,” said Adam in a low voice.

 

Ben looked around and noticed that several people had indeed stopped and were staring at him. He dropped Joe’s collar instantly and tried to compose himself. “Thank you son,” he said. “I forgot myself for a moment.” He turned to Joe again and said in a low voice. “You, young man will march yourself down to that clothing store right this minute and return that jacket.”

 

“But Pa,” protested Joe.

 

“No buts Joseph,” said his father. “If you know what’s good for you you’ll do as you’re told. Now get!” Joe scampered off without another word.

 

“I’ll go and see that he actually does it,” said Ben grimly. “You two wait here.”

 

“But we were going to get haircuts,” said Hoss. “Remember?’

 

“Oh yes,” said his father. “Well, Joe and I will meet you at the barber’s then.” He strode off without another word, following in Joe’s trail.

 

Adam looked at Hoss who looked at Adam. “I sure wouldn’t wanna be in Joe’s shoes right about now,” said Hoss.

 

“Stupid kid,” said Adam, shaking his head. “He should have known better than to pull as stunt like that on the day Pa’s paying accounts.”

 

“Yeah,” agreed Hoss as they sauntered back across the street towards the barbershop. “At least we’re not fool enough to put things on Pa’s account on the very day he’s paying this month’s. The kid’s looking fer trouble doing that.”

 

“I agree,” said Adam. “He’ll be feeling sorry for himself right about now if Pa has anything to do with it.”

 

The kid in question was indeed feeling very sorry for himself at that exact moment. As he entered the clothing store with his jacket in hand, he felt himself pushed slightly in the back as his father came up alongside him. “Hurry up,” said Ben in a testy tone.

 

“Back so soon?” asked Frank King. “Something wrong with the hat Joe?”

 

“No” said Joe, giving his father a mournful look. “The hat’s just fine thanks Mr King.” He placed the still-wrapped jacket on the counter. “It’s the jacket,” he explained.

 

Frank’s eyes narrowed. “What’s wrong with it?” he asked. “It was fine when you took it earlier on.”

 

“Joe wants to return it,” said Ben firmly.

 

Frank shook his head. “Sorry,” he said. “It’s store policy that we don’t take returns.”

 

Joe’s eyes lit up. “Oh, well never mine then.” He turned to his father. “I tried.”

 

Ben grabbed him by the collar. “Not hard enough, young man,” he said grimly before turning to Frank. “You are aware that Joe doesn’t have the funds to pay for the jacket?” he said.

 

Frank shrugged. “But he put it on your account Ben,” he said calmly. “You’re responsible for it now, surely?” He smiled. “And while you’re here, would you like to settle this month’s account?”

 

“What?” spluttered Ben angrily. “What account? I haven’t ….” He gave Joe a slight shake. “What else have you been buying in here?” he asked.

 

Joe held up his hands in a gesture of innocence. “Nuthin Pa! I swear it!”

 

“It was Hoss,” said Frank, consulting his accounts book. “He bought a new pair of boots two weeks ago. And then there was Adam …”

 

“Adam?’ said Ben instantly. “What has he been buying?”

 

“Another black shirt,” said Frank, running his finger down the page. “And …. let me see …. a red bandanna.” He looked up. “Will you be paying for all this now, Ben?”

 

“They can all pay for their own things,” muttered Ben darkly. “I have no intention of footing their clothing bills.”

 

“As you wish,” said Frank in a sweet tone. “Only I’d hate to have to deny you credit if you need something yourself. It’s important to keep a good credit rating you know, Ben. And then there are my overheads of course.”

 

Ben’s eyes narrowed. “Of course,” he said. “Well, I can assure you that no Cartwright will be spending money in this store for a while to come,” he said. “None of my boys will be making it into town for quite a while to wear any of those fancy new duds.”

 

“Does that mean I can keep the jacket?” piped up Joe happily. “Gee, thanks Pa!”

 

“Don’t you thank me!” said Ben. “You and your brothers will be paying every cent of this off, I can assure you.” He turned to Frank. “How much?”

 

Frank consulted his book again. “Twelve dollars and fifty eight cents,” he said. “Including the jacket.” Ben handed over the money without another word. “It sure is a nice jacket, don’t you think?” added Frank as he counted the bills. “Joe will look right fine in it.”

 

“Yeah,” agreed Joe happily picking up his new jacket. “I’ll look right fine in it Pa.”

 

Ben glared at his son and then turned on his heel without another word and left the store. Joe gave Frank a wink and then followed his father from the store. “Are we gonna go to the saloon now Pa?” asked Joe.

 

Ben took a deep breath. “Joseph, if I were you I wouldn’t be talking to me right about now,” he said. “Not unless you want a good clip around the ear.”

 

Joe took a step away from his father and swallowed. “Follow me!” barked Ben and strode off the sidewalk and into the street. Joe quietly walked behind his father, hugging his new jacket to his chest.

 

Several people stepped aside as a thundering Ben marched past them with Joe, leaving a couple staring after them. “End of the month,” the man explained to his wife and she nodded knowingly.

 

As they approached the barbershop, Joe finally spoke. “I don’t need a haircut Pa,” he said, tentatively.

 

“You do!” said Ben shortly. “But for once you’re not getting one. I am sick and tired of paying out for you at the moment!”

 

As his father turned away from him Joe smiled, for in spite of his father’s mood getting a haircut wasn’t his favourite thing to do. As they entered the barbershop, Ben eyed off the razor on the counter, his fingers itching to pick up the leather strop and use it on his youngest son. “Hi Pa,” said Hoss from the chair. “Back so soon?”

 

Ben’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t you hi Pa me!” he said. “What is this about you putting new boots on account?”

 

Hoss’ smile turned to a frown. “Oh,” he said. “I forgot about those. I was gonna tell you Pa, but I sorta didn’t get around to it.”

 

“No, you didn’t,” snorted Ben, ignoring the looks he was getting from the other customers. “And why, may I ask, didn’t you pay for them youself?”

 

Hoss ran his finger around his neck to loosen the towel that was pinned onto him. “I was gonnna,” he said. “But …”

 

“But you didn’t get around to it,” Ben finished for him.

 

“I reckon not,” admitted Hoss. “I’m right sorry Pa. I’ll pay you back.”

 

“You most certainly will,” said his father. “As will you!” he added, pointing to Adam who was lying back in the other chair.

 

Adam looked up, confused. “Me?” he said. “What have I done?”

 

Ben held up two fingers. “Black shirt …. Red bandanna ….. ring a bell?”

 

Adam hit his head with the palm of his hand. “Oh!” he said. “I’m sorry Pa, I completely forgot about those.”

 

“You forgot!” said Ben tersely.

 

Adam gave his father an apologetic look. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it,” he said. “But ….” He shrugged. “The bank will be closed now and …”

 

“And you don’t have enough money,” Ben finished for him. He pointed a finger at his son. “You owe me two dollars and fifty cents,” he said. “I had to settle the account.”

 

“You’ll get it,” Adam assured his father.

 

Ben turned to Hoss. “And you owe me four dollars and seventy five cents,” he said.

 

“Yes sir,” said Hoss, looking at his father’s reflection in the mirror.

 

“I’m sick and tired of picking up all the bills around here,” continued their father, oblivious to the barber who was listening intently to the conversation. “You two make sure that you pay for your own haircuts too!”

 

Adam looked at Hoss and bit his lip. “Well, like I said Pa,” he began. “The bank is closed and ….”

 

Ben’s eyes narrowed. “You both owe me,” he said. “Just as well there is nothing on account here!”

 

“Well actually there is,” said the barber. “You owe eighty five cents from this month just gone, Ben.”

 

“Ben’s jaw dropped. “Eighty five cents?” he spluttered. “What on earth for? None of us have had a haircut for a whole month! I certainly haven’t and Joe …” He glanced over his shoulder at Joe who was sitting meekly in the corner, still clutching his jacket. “Joe isn’t even having one today.” He gave the young man a dark look. “He doesn’t deserve one. I’m considering giving him one myself when we get home!” Joe gave his father a startled look and his jaw dropped as he remembered the woeful haircuts his father had given him in the past as a child.

 

“No Pa!” he said instantly. “Please!”

 

“You be quiet!” Ben snapped and then to the barber again. “Show me the account.” The barber picked up a piece of paper and handed it to Ben who studied it. “Jumping Jehosophat!” he shouted. “Who has been buying bay rum?”

 

Adam shrugged as the barber tilted his chair up again. “Not me,” he said, patting his newly-cut hair. “I’ve got a full bottle at home.”

 

Hoss shook his head. “Tweren’t me Pa, you know that I don’t use the stuff.”

 

Ben turned on his heel to face Joe who had slunk down in his chair. “Well then, that leaves one culprit,” he said. “Joseph?”

 

Joe slunk down ever further and mumbled something. “What?!” shouted Ben angrily.

 

“I’m sorry Pa,” said Joe. “I didn’t think ….”

 

Ben threw the account onto the bench. “No, you didn’t think!” he shouted at his youngest son. “You never do!”

 

There was silence as they all stared at Ben. “I can put it on next month’s account if you like,” said the barber, finally breaking the silence. “It isn’t much.”

 

Ben slapped a few coins on the bench. “What’s the point?” he snarled. “It’ll only make next month’s bill larger!”

 

The barber looked at the coins as he took the towels off Adam and Hoss. “Plus sixty cents for two haircuts,” he said.

 

Ben took a deep breath and slapped another sixty cents onto the bench. “The three of you get out of here!” he said. “Before I say something in front of this man that I’m going to regret!”

 

Adam gave the barber an apologetic look, Hoss simple shrugged his shoulders and Joe slunk out of the shop, keeping as much space as he could between himself and his father as he did so. “He’s like a bear with a sore head today,” he observed as soon as all three of them were outside.

 

“Well you didn’t help with that stunt about the bay rum,” said Adam.

 

Joe gave his eldest brother a huffy look. “I bought it for your sake!” he said.

 

Adam’s jaw dropped. “For my sake?” he asked. “And how, pray tell, do you work that one out?”

 

Joe stuck out his chin and looked defiant. “So that I wouldn’t keep using yours all the time,” he said. “I thought you’d be pleased about that!”

 

Adam shook his head. “Joe, sometimes there’s just no figuring that mind of yours out.”

 

But before Joe could reply, their father appeared from inside the shop. “No more shaves in town,” he said. “You all shave before you get in here from now on. Understood?” He pointed to Joe. “And you, young man …. I’ll be cutting your hair myself from now on to teach you a lesson.”

 

Joe took a step forward. “But Pa!” he protested. He stopped as he saw the look in his father’s eye and took a step back again, shutting his mouth instantly.

 

Adam put a hand on his father’s shoulder. “Pa, you really do need to calm down,” he said. “All this stressing about money isn’t good for your blood pressure.”

 

“Yeah,” agreed Hoss. “Why don’t we all go on down to the saloon and get us a drink or two? That should help.”

 

“I agree,” said Adam. “Let’s forget about the accounts now. They’re all paid for another month and you don’t need to pay out for another thing now Pa.”

 

“Except maybe a drink or two,” chuckled Hoss, looking at his father hopefully. “What do you say Pa?”

 

Ben looked at them each in turn. “I suppose so,” he said. “I’m sorry boys, I know that I’ve been quite tetchy today. It’s just that all those accounts … all those bills …. All that money.”

 

“We know,” said Adam soothingly. “It’s to be expected with having to pay them all at once.”

 

“Yeah,” piped up Joe. “We know how you get all ….” He stopped. “Ow! What was that for Hoss?” He rubbed his ankle where his brother’s foot had connected with it.

 

“Come on Pa,” said Adam, ignoring his brothers and steering his father across the street towards the saloon. “A few drinks will calm you down and make everything seem better again.” Hoss and Joe followed them, Joe still trying to rub his ankle as he shot Hoss angry looks.

 

“You’re right Adam,” agreed his father as they reached he other side of the street and passed by the International Hotel. He smiled slightly as they walked along the sidewalk. “At least we know that’s one place we don’t have anything on account,” he said.

 

Adam smiled a small hidden smile, thankful that no one in the family had any idea about his secret account with the manager of that particular establishment. After all, where else was a man to take his young lady friends when he was so well known about town? He had his reputation to uphold after all and the back entrance was rather discreet. “Yes Pa,” he said meekly.

 

“Boy, I’m sure hankering for a beer!” said Hoss, smacking his lips as they all walked into the saloon. “Paying all them accounts sure has been thirsty work.” He leaned on the counter. “Sam! Four beers!”

 

Sam smiled at them all, put down the beer glass he was polishing and nodded. “Coming right up,” he said.

 

“So,” said Adam, leaning on the counter of the other side of Ben. “Feeling better now Pa?”

 

“Much,” admitted Ben. “I sure do hate the end of the month.” All his sons nodded in agreement, for they all hated it too.

 

“There you go,” said Sam, putting four beers down on the bar. “Enjoy!”

 

“Thanks Sam,” said Ben. He took a deep swig of his beer and smiled. “Now that’s almost worth paying all those accounts for,” he said.

 

Sam’s face brightened. “Speaking of which …” he said, reaching under the counter. “You want to settle this up now, Ben?”

 

Ben put down his beer. “What?” he asked, softly. Adam and Hoss stood up on either side of him, both of them apprehensive about what Sam was talking about, but neither of them completely sure.

 

Sam waved the piece of paper around. “Your account,” he said. “For this month.”

 

There was silence.

 

“My account?” asked Ben, finally.

 

There was a small groan behind him, the sound of a glass clinking as it was placed quickly on the bar and a slight figure in a tan hat slunk out of the saloon before Sam even had time to reply.

“Let’s see,” began Sam cheerfully as he examined the piece of paper. “Two large window panes, three chairs, one table, a mess of glasses …” He scratched his head. “Things sure add up from a fight, don’t they?” He looked again. “Fourteen bottles of …..”

 

Ben took out his wallet as he stared hopelessly at the mirror behind the bar. “Joseph!!!” he shouted angrily as he began to pull out some bills and count them. “Joseph!”

 

But the youngest Cartwright was already running down the street, one hand holding his new tan hat onto his head and the other clutching his still-wrapped green jacket to his chest.

 

The End