SUMMARY:  Adam has been gone for six years and for four of those years, Ben has not heard from him. His last letter said he was coming home and that he had a surprise. Then Candy drops a huge bombshell during a casual conversation that leads to a trip to Texas and the beginning of much turmoil for the family.

rating = T  WC = 25,065

Branded

Chapter 1

Denver, CO

The nightmare was always the same only it was real and not just terrible visions and feelings that awakened him every night and sometimes several times per night. He wished it wasn’t true, but it was. He had been tortured and scarred emotionally and in his nightmares, the pain seared up and down his arms and legs and through his groin. He had gotten his revenge against the men who did it, but nothing he did made him feel any better. He hated himself, he hated life, and he hated people who would do what those men had done. No one could look at him the same way after everything that had happened. He had felt what he interpreted as the revulsion of those who had rescued him. Worse than that, he believed that in their eyes, he had demeaned himself by his actions, and he suspected that despite his effort to explain what had happened, news of what they thought he had done had leaked out and become the version that was believed in that town. People didn’t simply stare at him out of curiosity there to see the face of a murderer by default. They must have wondered at what kind of man he was. Even as they noticed the limp he had because for a month and a half, he couldn’t walk normally, they felt no sympathy thinking that it would have been better if he had perished from his injuries he incurred because they thought that he had betrayed his family. He had not.

Intending to seek justice for those who had been murdered before his eyes, he had to recover first. His wounds had to heal, and then the scar tissue had to stretch to accommodate his walk, and that had taken time. The wounds hadn’t been too bad but were strategically placed. The cuts had healed almost without him thinking about them because of the pain of the broken bones.

Those who had injured him were well skilled in that kind of thing. They had come a long way to exact their revenge for long ago killings and for crossing them. No one crossed the syndicate. His father-in-law had done that. Adam and his wife had not known the man’s true business until it was too late. There had been lives lost on both sides, but the men who came in the night hadn’t cared about that. Adam never told them what they wanted to know, but someone must have made a sound. They found her and murdered her in front of him forcing him to keep his eyes open. They killed her parents after they killed her. He had not screamed when he had been wounded even though the pain had been excruciating but he remembered screaming when he saw his wife brutalized and murdered. That had amused his tormentors and done no good. They proceeded to murder his mother-in-law and then her husband before they torched the outbuildings and took the carriage and the horses. He had wondered at the time why they didn’t burn the house, but eventually he understood that they wanted their message to their rivals to be clear, and a fire would have eliminated their gruesome work. By morning when help arrived, they found carnage. He was alive still strung up by his wrists to a banister with a rope around his bound ankles tied to a heavy table. They cared for his wounds, but he saw the condemnation in their eyes. They blamed him because he was still alive. If only they knew how much he wished he was dead too. His heart had died with his wife and her family but it was still in his chest as a leaden weight. It was that pain that made his nightmares unbearable.

After Adam had recovered from his ordeal, as soon as he could, he sold their land. It wasn’t worth nearly as much as it had been when it had been in good condition but was large enough to get him a sizeable stake. He invested some and spent some paying for the care he had received. No one had asked for payment, but he didn’t want to owe these people anything. Next, he bought what he needed to travel by horseback. He found a good horse, a saddle, large saddlebags, and other gear. He bought himself a fine rifle and sidearm. When people saw him ride out of town, they hoped never to see him again. They wouldn’t.

Next, he had to decide what he would do. He had been a rancher, a businessman, an architect, a mining engineer, and a negotiator among other things. He had no desire to pursue any of those careers any longer. He decided that he would hunt down the men who had committed the murders and then he would hunt the ones who had sent them. He found the men who had done it. They thought there was nothing to fear. He brought them in and collected the bounty. They had been wanted for other crimes in other states and were wanted dead or alive. He brought their bodies in and received his payment which financed more of his search. The last few managed to live because they had heard of the avenging man and knew he would kill them if they didn’t talk. It was only two of the murderers who were brought to jail. It bought them a bit longer in this world but he waited in the towns where they were tried until he was able to witness the executions. Then he headed to Denver and the men who had put that plan into action. His wife’s father had crossed them, and they had wanted to send a message that no one could cross them. They were wrong. He watched his targets for weeks until he knew their routines. He caught them in a meeting at one of their mansions throwing one through the window to be sliced by the glass and the other he stabbed in the belly. He had wanted to tell them why they were dying and did that as he watched them bleed out.

Neither man had been armed. He was arrested and tried for murder. A lawyer came to represent him asking if he could afford it. Adam had nodded and then told what happened in the same monotone as he had told the authorities when they arrested him. It was a story that was verified by some telegrams sent east to the town where his wife was born. His story got him some mercy from the court which meant a twenty-year sentence at hard labor instead of the death penalty. The judge was not willing to accept his version of justice however even if he understood why Adam had been driven to do what he did. As he sat in a jail cell awaiting transport to a prison, he heard the clink of the key in the lock and the creak of the door being swung open. He expected that the transport was there, but when he looked up, he had a visitor, a U.S. Marshal.

“You’ve made a mess of your life, Adam.”

Looking up, Adam recognized the man. He and James King had attended Harvard together until Jim’s family met with financial difficulties and moved west. Now his old friend stood there condemning him for his actions. “You don’t understand.”

“I do understand. I might have done the same thing if it had happened to me. I talked to the governor and he was agreeable to a proposal I made.”

Suspicious but intrigued because it wasn’t the condemnation he expected and got from everyone else, Adam felt more life than he had felt in a year. “What kind of proposal?”

“Out here, amnesty is often bartered for good behavior and a promise not to repeat the actions that got the man in trouble in the first place. I convinced the governor that you are the kind of man who would only have done what you did because of losing your wife the way you did. You’re not married now so there is no way for you to act that way again.”

“So I’m free to go?”

“It’s not that easy. Because of what you did, he wants to see some good behavior and he wants to see you supervised. He’s willing to give you a five year parole under my supervision.”

“What would that mean?”

“You help me in my job. After five years, you get your pardon and you’re free to go.”

Adam thought briefly about accepting the proposal. With that, he would be going after outlaws and renegades who had murdered others. He had some problems with that. He saw no point to it because his family was gone, and working for the U.S. Marshals Service meant he would have to make and keep a commitment, which was something he didn’t want to do either. There were times that he wished he was a coward and could take his pistol and blow off the top of his head. He couldn’t do that though. He had courage and pride and couldn’t commit outright suicide, but the state was willing to do it for him. There was no commitment. He didn’t have to rely on anyone else. Subconsciously, though, Jim’s proposal appealed to him for the danger there was in it and if he was completely honest with himself, he had a need to do something to repent for his sins. He thought that perhaps someone would kill him and end his misery but he might do some good while he was doing that. He would not invite that nor help it happen, but at this point in his life, he would welcome it if it happened. In prison, he might very well be killed too but without doing anything good most likely. He finally looked up at Jim accepting his proposal as the lesser of two evils. Jim nodded and left the cell.

“I’ll be back by the end of the day as soon as all the paperwork can be processed.”

“I’ll be here.”

There was no hint of a smile though Jim looked for it. The Adam he knew would have made a comment like that and then smiled sardonically. This Adam seemed emotionless.

“Don’t do anything. There might be some who want to try to start some trouble when they realize you’re getting out of here. Ignore them. I know you can do that.”

Adam nodded, and Jim smiled although he didn’t feel at all cheery. When he had first heard that Adam was in prison for murder, he had thought it must be a different Adam Cartwright but the sketch in the paper showed him it wasn’t. Now he hoped he could help his friend and hoped that somehow the old Adam Cartwright would emerge from the thin man with the haunted eyes who had stared up at him with a lifeless expression. He needed to get Adam to feel hope again. Then perhaps the rest of his personality would emerge if any of it had survived. Jim remembered that Adam could be aloof, sarcastic, and impatient with others, but if you needed help, there had been no better person to ask. There was something in him that made him reach out to assist others no matter the cost. With his proposal, Jim had appealed to that characteristic in Adam and was relieved to see that the ploy worked. Next, he would have to find a way to have Adam work with him in ways that might help him recover. Jim had a lot of favors to repay to the dark haired man, and now he had five years to do it. He could only hope that it would be enough time. The governor had actually said three to five years, but Jim didn’t want Adam to know that yet. If necessary, Jim was going to hold him to the five years and the last two could be miserable if Adam knew Jim was the person standing in the way of his freedom. He knew enough about Adam to know you didn’t want to be the one in his way when he wanted something. He strode down to the sheriff’s office to get the papers signed for Adam’s release and to pay any fees and expenses incurred. He had enough in his budget to cover those so that Adam could get back his saddle, horse, and weapons. Then they would head down to Houston to get to work.

Chapter 2

Ponderosa Ranch, Nevada

For a long time, Hoss had a question for Candy but kept forgetting to ask him. They were taking care of their horses after another cattle drive and Hoss remembered the question. “Candy, I been meaning to ask ya something. You said when we first met you that you thought Cartwright was a fairly common name. Why would you think that?”

“Well to me, Cartwright must be a common kind of name. I ran into one down in Texas a while back. He was working with a U.S. Marshal out of Houston, I think. They were in the little town where I had a job. They were on the trail of some men who were rustling cattle and moving them up to the railhead and selling them. I met another Cartwright when I was on a trip to Mexico years before that. He was fighting right alongside some of the Mexicans against the government.” Candy was currying his horse after riding back to the Ponderosa with the Cartwrights. He had completed another trail drive with the family.

Hoss was rubbing down Chubb. “Didn’t know as that there was so many. The one in Mexico must have been our cousin Will. What was the first name of the other one?”

“He went by Cartwright though and that’s what people called him. I know I heard the first name but I can’t recall it at the moment. Well there were some who called him other names. The man could be nasty to any he didn’t like. There were a few who called him ‘professor’ cause the man seemed to know something about everything and he wasn’t shy about sharing that information. He liked to play chess. He showed me a lot of respect after I beat him at one game. Granted, it was only once in probably a dozen matches, but it still felt good to beat somebody that smart.” Candy didn’t notice the shocked expressions on Hoss and Joe but especially on Ben who had turned a bit pale listening to Candy talk. “At least he never kidded me about my name after that.” Candy turned then to see why no one was saying anything. “What?”

Ben had to ask. “Could his first name have been Adam?”

“Yeah, that was it. Do you know him too?”

“My son, Adam, has been missing for years. I got letters at first detailing his travels, his study, his work. In his last letter, he said he was coming home and that he had a big surprise. That was the last we heard from him.” Ben’s voice broke and he couldn’t continue.

“Pa hired detectives who found that he arrived in New York from France. After that, they couldn’t find anything. Hoss thought we should all go look for him, but we had no idea where to look.”

“The man I knew seemed like a real upright kind of man. If he was your missing Adam, I’d think he would have contacted you.”

“What did he look like?”

“Mr. Cartwright, he didn’t look at all like Hoss or Joe. He was about my height with black hair and fairly dark skin. He looked like he was out in the sun a lot. He was thin but strong. It looked like he could use a few extra meals.”

Hoss looked at his father. “Pa?”

“I’ll look into it. I’ll check with the Marshals Service to see if there is still an Adam Cartwright working for them.”

Wary of being too optimistic, Ben and Hoss couldn’t help a small smile from escaping. Joe however wasn’t so happy at the news and was a bit dismayed to see the reactions of his father and older brother. When they walked to the house to clean up, Candy looked over at Joe.

“What’s eating at you? You definitely didn’t seem to appreciate the news as much as your pa and Hoss.”

Joe dropped down onto a bench and stared at the dirt for a moment before looking up at Candy. “I know he’s family, and I should be happy if we can find him, but he walked out on us. He left the Ponderosa without much of a backward glance as far as I could tell. Then he broke Pa’s heart by disappearing the way he did. If he’s alive and healthy in Texas or anywhere else, I don’t think I can forgive him for what he did.”

Candy thought about that for some time. He had a story that Joe didn’t know, and that story explained a lot of Candy’s wandering. He wondered the same about Adam. “Joe, maybe you ought to wait to see if it’s him and see what he’s got to say before you draw your conclusions. He might have some good reasons for whatever he’s done.”

“I don’t think there is a good reason for breaking your father’s heart and making him suffer so much. If he could have prevented that and didn’t, I can’t forgive him.”

Even though Joe wasn’t ready to forgive, Hoss was and wanted as much information from Candy as he could get. The next time he and Joe were working with Candy, he had more questions. “What could you tell us about this Adam you knew?”

“I didn’t know him that well. It’s that he and the Marshall were working out of the same town. I know they had a fair there and he won both shooting contests. One was with a pistol and he was fast, not as fast as Joe is, but very accurate. Hitting every target every time. The other contest was with a rifle, and I’ve never seen anyone shoot any better. Again, he wasn’t fast but very accurate. All the shooters who hit the bullseye stayed in the contest and they moved the target further away. I signed up for that one thinking I had a chance not knowing then how he could shoot so well. Finally it was only two of us. They moved the target so far away that it was hard to see the center of it. I missed the center by a ring and he put one in the center to win. Someone asked how far away he thought he could still hit the center, and he motioned for them to move the target back another fifty yards or so. He hit it again. Then he smirked like he knew just how good he was.”

Joe listened as intently to Candy’s answer as Hoss did but had a negative reaction. “That must be something about Adams. Pa says it’s a name for the firstborn, and it seems they’re all stubborn smart-alecky know-it-alls.”

Understanding that Joe’s comment bothered Hoss, Candy decided to step in before the brothers could argue. He didn’t want to be the root cause of any trouble between them. “He may have been stubborn too, but he had the best damn poker face I ever saw. You couldn’t know what he was thinking when he had that look. Lost many a hand to that man playing cards. But you could tell he had a good heart too. After I lost that shooting contest and he won the rifle that was the prize, he offered me his rifle. Said it was better than the one I was carrying and I’d do better with it than with the one I had.”

“Dadburnit, Candy, the more you describe the man, the more it sounds like our brother.”

“Hoss, didn’t Mr. Cartwright say that the Marshals’ Service has no record of an Adam Cartwright working for them?”

“Yeah, that’s what they said. It hurt Pa too. He had his hopes up. I did too.”

“You miss him a lot, don’t you?”

“More than you know, but it put a hole in Pa’s heart when Adam disappeared.” Hoss frowned toward Joe who hadn’t shown any signs that he hoped that the news was going to tell them that their brother was alive.

“So why don’t we stop talking about him. He didn’t want us as his family or the Ponderosa as his home. He forgot about us so we should forget about him.” Stalking away, Joe wrestled with the conflict within him. He was angry in many ways but he still hoped that somehow Adam would come home especially for their father, but when he was being entirely honest, he knew he wanted Adam to be alive and at home. They might have butted heads on numerous occasions, but he loved his brother who had been there to support and help him so many times. He wished he could have done something to help Adam in whatever trouble he had found himself, for in his heart, Joe knew something terrible must have happened. These constant reminders never let the wounds in his heart heal. He wanted to forget and couldn’t.

Watching Joe walk stiffly toward the house, Candy looked to Hoss. “Joe seems pretty angry about the whole thing.”

“Yeah, it hurt him to have Adam leave even if it was the best thing for both of them.”

“Best thing?”

“Yeah, Adam had this thing inside of him where he wanted to see things and do things that he couldn’t do here. We all kinda knew he would leave at some point. We hoped he’d come back though once he got it out of his system. Then he didn’t. For Joe, having Adam here was a problem cause Adam was twelve years older and had done so much already. There was nothing Joe could do that Adam hadn’t already done or at least it seemed that way to Joe. He wanted us all to be proud of him and found it hard to accept Adam as a boss or older brother for that matter. Adam found it hard that Joe was always so prickly around him. Adam had a smart mouth on him, and most got used to it, but not Joe. He’d blow up at any little thing. It wasn’t easy for the two of them being together, but when one was in trouble, the other was right there to help. Adam could be like a mother hen when Joe was in trouble or sick. Those two loved each other as much as any two brothers could.”

“And you?”

“I love ’em both, but me and Adam could talk without words cause we knew each other so well. When he left, it was like a part of me was gone. We had never been without each other since I was a baby and my Ma got killed.”

“Joe thinks that your brother might be dead.”

“Don’t you believe it, Candy. I’d know if he was dead. I know he’s out there and hurting something fierce. I wish I knew where he was cause I’d be there to help him. Someday, we’re gonna find him. I don’t know how, but I gotta believe it’s gonna happen.”

“Your father said he had some kind of a trip he was going to send us on. Any idea what he’s got in mind?”

“He did mention that he thought we needed to get more breeding stock to keep our line strong. Maybe he plans to send us on a buying trip. We’re the two best ones here to find the ones that would improve the bloodlines here.”

Inside the house, Ben was thinking of having Hoss and Candy buy some stock. He thought that Texas was a good place to look especially in the vicinity of Houston. He smiled as he thought about it. Detectives only looked so far, and the Marshals Service had sent back a minimal response. He had a glimmer of hope based on the things that Candy had said that there was a chance that Adam was in Texas. He thought that Hoss would be more than willing to do some looking around while he was down there with Candy as an able guide. He knew that Joe would want to go along with the two but he could claim that he needed him here. His youngest always responded to Ben asking for his help, but Ben hoped too that Joe wouldn’t see through his plan too soon. He was too smart not to figure it out in time, but for now, Ben hoped that only Hoss needed to know his ulterior motive for the buying trip. It had been almost four years since that last letter from Adam. Like Hoss, he could not accept that Adam had died. If they had more clues, he thought perhaps the detective agency might have found him, but they knew so little. He had more questions than answers, and he knew he would pray fervently every day that Hoss would find some answers, and maybe manage a miracle by finding Adam and bringing him home.

 

Chapter 3

Houston, TX

As Adam walked into the office, he saw Jim King with his feet up on the desk. The laconic marshal nodded a greeting.

“I got a message through some friends in Denver. There was an inquiry about you. Your father wanted to know if you were working for us.”

Startled by the news, Adam asked what the reply had been.

“Don’t worry. They answered the question that was asked and nothing more. He asked if there was an Adam Cartwright working as a U.S. Marshal. They could honestly say that there is no marshal by that name.”

“By now, I thought they would assume I was dead, and I planned to let them keep thinking that. They don’t need to know that there’s a murderer in the family.”

“Don’t you think they could forgive you?”

“I can’t forgive myself because I don’t feel any remorse over what I did. I feel badly that I broke the law and brought shame to my family, but I don’t feel any regret over taking those two lives. They would have murdered more if I didn’t stop them. Given the same set of circumstances, I would do the same things that I did. I suppose that means the governor might not want to grant that amnesty after all, but I’m an honest man even if I murdered two people who deserved it.”

“You could have used legal means to stop them.”

Adam shook his head and smiled a feral smile. “You know as well as I do that men who are that powerful never face justice in the system. They break the law with impunity and flaunt it.”

“Adam, when I knew you in college for those two years, I never would have guessed that you could be so violent as to take a life especially that of an unarmed man. What happened to you?”

“I was arrogant then and later. I thought I couldn’t be driven to murder. I thought that self-defense and the defense of others and property would be the only reasons I would ever want a man dead. I was wrong. There are things that can make you want to take a life no matter what. It unleashed the savage within me. That’s what happened.”

The silence that followed that statement lasted for several minutes as both men thought about it. They had had several versions of this conversation. Depending on Adam’s mood, his answers varied from regret that he had not found a better way to handle things to the more aggressive stance he had this morning. It was clear that he had not come to terms with what had happened and what he had done. Without saying a word, Jim pushed a stack of reports forward on his desk. Adam sat in the chair next to the desk and began reading. All that could be heard for the next half hour was the crinkle of paper being moved as both men read through the reports and thought about what they would need to do in their assignment. Some men had been raiding small farms and ranches, rustling cattle and stealing horses, and occasionally waylaying a traveler. They had not been greedy, and most had assumed it was another group of ex-Confederate soldiers moving through, but the crimes had been increasing in severity and frequency with the most recent one resulting in one death and seven injuries from gunshot wounds. The one who had died was seven years old. He had run from the house to escape the attack and been shot in the back whether on purpose or by a stray shot no one knew. They moved from one area to another and sometimes crossed into Indian Territory or into New Mexico and then back into Texas ranging over a wide area but never moving on. Therefore, the case was now one for the federal authorities who had assigned it to Marshal King.

“Looks like we got our hands full with this one, Adam. Do you think we need to ask for another man?”

“Let’s find them first. At this point, we don’t know what we’re up against.”

“I had a feeling you were going to say that. You always seem to enjoy heading out into the nowhere lands and trying to find tracks of men who don’t want to be found. It’s a challenge you can’t ignore.”

A crooked little smile was the only response Adam could give. Jim was correct. He enjoyed the challenge of the search and then the hunt. It was the apprehension of criminals that he did not enjoy. Too often it reminded him that he was one too, and he wondered at the stories some of them could tell about how they were driven to the life they led. He knew some were simply evil men who enjoyed what they did, and others were driven by greed or laziness or jealousy, but there were some, he was sure, who had faced trauma and made a wrong turn. He wished there was some way to know the motivation of a man who broke the law especially those who harmed others. Even as he tried to understand why others did what they did, he was trying to understand himself but never found the answers he was seeking. At least the arduous task would exhaust him enough that he could sleep at night. It was only out under the stars that his sleep was uninterrupted by nightmares.

Hours later, dressed for the trail and with a packhorse carrying supplies, Jim and Adam headed out to the location of the latest crime by the unknown gang. Adam was dressed in his usual gray, black, and brown. His clothing was as nondescript as possible and would make it difficult for anyone to describe him because there was little about him that was distinctive unless you saw the piercing eyes. His hair was long and curled over the color of his shirt and vest and he had a bushy mustache in a half horseshoe shape that disguised his mouth. He shaved only infrequently and usually had a dark stubble. As Jim rode beside him, he had to comment.

“If you dressed a bit better and maybe in some colors that didn’t make you look like you were attending a funeral and shaved so you didn’t look like an outlaw, you might find the ladies were more interested in you.”

“They like the color of my money well enough. That’s all that matters.”

“That’s not much of a life to have.”

“It’s all that I need. Besides, what woman wants a man on parole who isn’t free to make any decisions on his own.”

There was some resentment in that statement. After three years, Adam was getting tired of taking orders and being controlled. He had agreed to it, but that didn’t mean it didn’t irritate him. He rode along with his eyes scanning the area in front of them, but Jim could see the set of his jaw and his shoulders. He knew Adam was angry. He was often angry, but he didn’t act out on it. He kept it bottled up inside somehow and used the energy on the job. Adam was much stronger and healthier than when Jim had found him sitting in a cell in Denver awaiting transport to a prison to serve out a twenty-year sentence at hard labor. Jim had no doubt that Adam would not have survived his term. Physically, he was doing so much better, but emotionally and psychologically, he was still fighting his demons. In prison, inevitably, he would have gotten in fights until too many ganged up on him and ended his life. Jim’s opinion was that Adam should go home to his family, but every time he broached that subject, he got the same answers. Adam was ashamed of what he had done that he saw as besmirching the family name, and he didn’t want to face his family to tell them what he had done and that he had no remorse about it. Jim had offered to transfer the supervision of his parole to the sheriff of either Virginia City or Carson City but Adam had looked at him with horror at that thought. He would have found that humiliating. He refused the offer. He had a question for Jim though.

“I’ve got a question for you. Why don’t you take that promotion that you’ve been offered?”

Surprised that Adam knew about it, Jim had no ready answer. “How did you find out?”

“When we had to take those prisoners to St. Louis and we had a few drinks with some of the Marshals who were there at that time, one of them told me. Well, actually, he said it was my fault that you were stuck in Houston instead of getting a chance to go to Washington and move up in the Bureau.”

“Adam, I am not stuck in Houston. I enjoy my work.”

“But you want that promotion. You want to work your way up into a position of authority. So is it true? Are you staying here because of me? I could go with you to Washington. You could take me around and show me off as your pet criminal.”

Angry, Jim pulled up and turned on Adam. “That’s insulting. I’ve been a friend to you.”

“I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. I’m in a lousy mood.”

“Yes, you have been since I told you that your father inquired about you. He still cares. Is that what bothers you so much?”

“He should forget about me. He has Joe, and Hoss is still there. I don’t know why he persists in trying to find me. I’m not worth it.” Adam remembered saying that once before and directly to his father. His hands were tied behind his back and Drummond wanted his father to sign over most of the Ponderosa in order to save Adam’s life. He had said he wasn’t worth it. He meant it too, but his father signed the paper willing to give up his dream to save his son’s life. Dropping his head, Adam knew his father would never give up, but he had two years to go on his parole. He couldn’t do anything about anything until that amnesty was granted.

Jim was ready to change the subject because he guessed that he had given Adam enough to think about and didn’t want to distract him too much from their job. He depended on Adam to keep him safe because he had great instincts in the wild and often picked up on signs and sounds that Jim never noticed even sometimes after Adam pointed them out for him. “You see a good place to rest the horses and maybe cool down a bit? It’s hot out here and if we want to make our destination in three days, we need to keep these horses fresh with a lot of breaks.”

“We’ve been down this road before. The horses are still doing well. We’ll push on until about noon. There’s a stream up ahead about ten miles from here. We can water the horses, rest, have lunch, and then start out again when we’re ready. About two hours after that, there’s a nice spot to stop and about three or four hours after that, there’s a good campsite.”

“I wish I knew how you remembered all of this stuff. The road doesn’t look familiar to me although I know we went this way at least once before. Heading into west Texas isn’t my favorite way to go. I guess I forget about it on purpose.”

Smiling and nodding, Adam led the way at a good pace. The day continued and ended as he had predicted. He suggested a cold camp.

“It’s hot enough that we don’t need coffee or hot food. Without a fire, we won’t be advertising our position if that gang happens to be heading this way.”

“You think they might be?”

“I would if I was in charge. There’s a lot more to take that’s worth taking back this way. They’ve been hitting small farms, small ranches, and travelers. They’ve been practicing. They’re ready to take on a bigger target.”

“Why didn’t you explain what you were thinking before we rode all the way out here?”

“We don’t know where they’re going. Heading east in Texas still leaves a lot of area to search. If we track them, we’ll see where they’re going. They have to plan and maneuver. We should be able to catch up with them because all we have to do is follow.”

“Sometimes I think you ought to be the one in charge, and I should be the one assisting.”

With a smile, Adam stayed in the lead. Two days later they picked up the trail of the gang, and as expected, they were heading east. Jim sent a few telegrams warning communities in that direction to be on the lookout for them. He hoped to catch them in a vise with lawmen out front watching for them, and he and Adam pursuing from the rear.

 

Chapter 4

Ponderosa Ranch, Nevada

“They’re going to check out that Adam Cartwright that Candy knew in Texas, aren’t they? Well I don’t think they should go.”

Joe stood in front of his father’s desk with his fists on his hips and his legs spread in a fighter’s stance. He was upset not only that Hoss and Candy were going to Texas, but that they were going to be looking for Adam, and that no one had thought to trust him with that information.

“I don’t appreciate that attitude nor that tone of voice. I can send Hoss and Candy wherever I wish and they are willing to go. Those are not your decisions. They will buy some stock for this ranch and bring it back here. What else they do is not for you to approve or disapprove. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir. You didn’t have to go behind my back. You could have told me.”

“You’ve been told apparently and no one went behind your back. I was very open that I was asking Hoss and Candy to go on a buying trip for breeding stock.”

“But we don’t do that in Texas.”

“We have and are doing it again. Why don’t you say what’s really on your mind.”

Joe seethed for a moment and then turned and stalked to the door and outside. Hoss had been coming from the kitchen, and hearing his father and brother talking, had waited. Once the front door closed, he moved to the desk. “You knew he would react like that.”

“Yes, I knew he would react like that, but he needs to think this through. It’s time for him to come to terms with how he feels about Adam. If that is Adam in Texas and he comes back with you, Joe has to be ready to face him.”

“Pa, it’s been bothering me. Why would Adam be in Texas and not get in touch with us?”

“I don’t know, Hoss. The same question has been bothering me. If it is Adam, something terrible must have happened. He would never have cut off contact with us otherwise.”

“It might not be him, Pa.”

“Hoss, I know it might not be him, but I pray that it is.”

Hoss nodded and walked outside to try to find his younger brother. He hoped to talk with him and get him to see reason. At least he could lay out the arguments for why he had to do this and then Joe would have plenty of time to think about it until he and Candy got back with whatever they found in Texas. As he expected, Joe was in the stable talking to Cooch in a whisper as he brushed him. Hoss could only guess at what he was saying. He moved next to him and waited because he knew that Joe needed to vent. There was nothing that he could say that would make things better with him until he got out what he needed to get out. However, his first statement shocked Hoss on many levels.

“I want to go with you.”

“What? Why?”

“If that’s Adam, I want to look him in the eye and ask him why he’s been such a jackass? He hurt Pa so much and I want to know why.”

“Joe, ifn it is Adam, I don’t want you to make more trouble. I gotta believe that if this is Adam down there, he’s got trouble enough already. He woulda come on home like he said he was gonna ifn he didn’t run into something bigger than he could handle.”

“So our perfect brother isn’t so perfect. The way you’ve talked about him to Candy, it made it seem like he could do anything. Now all of a sudden, he needs our help?”

“Joe, every man has his limits. Adam could do a lot of things but I ain’t never said he was perfect. He and I had a few go-rounds too. It’s that most things he could handle on his own. I feel bad thinking that he mighta run into something awful bad and didn’t have nobody there to help him.”

“Well, that’s his own fault, isn’t it? He could have stayed here. He didn’t have to turn his back on us.”

“Joe, you know as well as anyone that Adam needed to leave. He needed to follow his dreams at least for a while. It was only two years and he wrote that he was on his way back. Something happened to stop that from coming true, but you know he loves his family and he loves the Ponderosa. He would have made it back here but something powerful or somebody powerful wouldn’t let him do it. If that’s him down in Texas, I want ta make sure that he’s got the help he needs to come back home. If you come with us, I won’t let you do anything to interfere with that. You better think on that before you decide if you want to ride with us. You gotta talk to Pa about it too. We’re thinking we might have to be gone for two months or more. Pa was planning on you running the place while we was gone.”

Nodding, Joe finished with Cochise and turned to walk to the house. Ben agreed to let Joe go with Candy and Hoss but gave him much the same warning as Hoss did. If they did find Adam, Joe was not to interfere in any way with Adam coming home. Ben made it clear that he would not forgive such an act, and if Joe planned anything like that, he should not go.

“I want to ask him why he hasn’t contacted us all these years.”

“We’ll let the questions go until he’s home. When he’s ready, he’ll tell us his story. You know that. Trying to push him to do anything else will only made things worse. Now, can you abide by what I’ve said? You don’t have my blessing to go if you can’t.”

“I’ll do it. I want to see for myself if that’s my brother down there. I want to see how he’s been living while we’ve been worrying about him.”

The next morning, Ben saw his two sons and Candy off on their trip. He smiled and was as encouraging as he could be, but inside, he was torn. It was always difficult when his sons were gone. He would worry every day until they returned, but this time he had some additional worries. He thought about Adam and hoped that they would find him in Texas and bring him home. There was nothing that he could not forgive if he could only wrap his arms around his first-born son once more. However, he worried nearly as much about his youngest who had yet to come to terms with Adam leaving and later disappearing. If Adam was in Texas, Ben wondered if Joe could keep his word and wait until they were home before challenging Adam. He feared that he couldn’t, but he hoped that Hoss and Candy could manage the situation well enough to bring both brothers home if that was at all possible.

On the trail to Texas:

To save time, Ben had suggested that they load the horses on a train in Carson City and head to Denver. They did that and then from Denver, they went by horseback through the panhandle of Indian Territory into the panhandle of Texas. As they traveled toward Houston, the plan was that they would be stopping along the way at ranches they knew to have good breeding stock. If they found stock they wanted to buy, they would eventually drive them north to Kansas where they could be loaded on a train and shipped to Carson City and then driven the short distance to the Ponderosa. It was an expensive proposition but would get the stock there in good condition, which was paramount if they wanted to improve the bloodlines of the existing stock.

“We’re just buying bulls, aren’t we? I mean if we want good breeding stock, that’s the fastest way to improve the lines, isn’t it?” Joe couldn’t see any reason to buy cows. When Hoss said they were likely to be bringing back twenty of more head, he was surprised.

“Little brother, that’s mostly true, and ifn we was to be bringing bulls from California or someplace closer, that would work fine. But we’re bringing ’em all the way from Texas, and I’m thinking the best way to keep them bulls fat and happy is to let each one of ’em have a little string of ladies to entertain if you get my drift.”

At first, Joe looked at Hoss as if he had spoken in a foreign language but suddenly understood what he meant and grinned. “Not a bad idea at all there, older brother. Not a bad idea for three cowboys either. Maybe the next town we come to, we could spend just a little time being entertained, if you get my drift?”

“Now, that there is a right fine idea. Candy, see I told you there was a good reason to have this young whippersnapper along. Every now and then, he had some right fine ideas.”

“Yeah, as long as his fine ideas don’t get us into trouble. Seems to me that happens every now and then too.”

“Well, you see, Candy, that’s where you come in. You spent some time in these here parts so we reckon you ought to be able to tell us a good place to be entertained.”

Candy grinned and started to count down on his fingers the names of places where men could find fine entertainment in Texas. Hoss asked which one of those places was the closest and Candy told him they ought to be there the next night. The meal of beans and bacon went down a whole lot better when the three men were contemplating a few drinks and some female companionship only a day away. They doused the fire and rolled out their bedrolls as the sun set. It was too warm for a fire and too warm to roll up in a blanket so they each lay on their bedrolls looking at the stars until they fell asleep. None of them saw a reason to keep a watch, but on a nearby hillside, six men had watched them set up camp.

“We can take them in the morning as they ride through that gully between here and there. It looks like they’ve been riding due southeast all day so that’s where they’ll head.”

“Why don’t we take them now?”

“Cause they don’t have a watch set but they got a pretty good defensive position. They doused the fire so we wouldn’t have the advantage of seeing them when they couldn’t see us. They may be a bit careless but not enough for us to blunder in there and get shot. No, they’re feeling safe so they’ll ride this way. We can use the extra horses and ammunition.”

“I hope that packhorse has a bunch of food too. I’m hungry. Ever since that marshal’s been on our trail, we ain’t had a good meal. Damn him and that deputy of his.”

“I heard that he ain’t even a deputy. He’s some guy working off his parole by being a sharpshooter for the marshal. He’s damn good too. He took out two of our men from a half-mile away. We couldn’t even see him up in those rocks. They’ve been dogging our trail ever since. We ain’t been able to do a decent job since. This is our best chance at getting some things we need in about a month.”

“Once we get the horses and the supplies from these three, maybe we ought to set a trap for that marshal and his hired gun. We could leave these bodies where they would come to check ’em out and then gun those two damned dogs down.”

“That’s a right fine idea, but first we got to take out these three. Before it gets too dark, I want three of you to ride over to the other side of the gully and get yourselves in a good position. We’ll catch those three in a crossfire. Just be careful not to hit the horses. We need ’em.”

It took a few minutes for the men to decide who was going to ride to the other side of the wide gully. It was rocky terrain on both sides and rose to a high plateau on one side. They knew that the three men had to ride through that gully if they wanted to continue to go to the southeast. They felt comfortable with their plan and never considered that as they were making their plan, the two men pursuing them might be making a plan too.

 

Chapter 5

Texas

The sun rose and made the sky glow red. Hoss looked at the bright colorful clouds and frowned. The wind had picked up as well. “Candy, I hope that town isn’t too far from here. It looks like bad weather might be moving in.”

“We could head back toward that little cantina we passed yesterday. There’s no female entertainment, but we could have a few drinks and stay dry.”

Hoss thought about that for a while. “Nah, I’d just as soon keep moving on rather than backtracking when we don’t hafta. Let’s pack camp up quick as we can. We can skip breakfast and see how far we can go before the weather turns bad. Out here it seems that you see the storms coming a long way off.”

“Yeah, but the storms can move fast too. As soon as you see one, you better start thinking about looking for cover.”

“All right, then, that’s the plan. You all right with that, Joe?”

Joe grinned even as he packed up his bedroll and grabbed his saddle. “If it means we get to the entertainment a bit faster, I’m all for it.”

Hoss looked over at Candy. “Boy has a one-track mind, don’t he?”

“Can’t say as I blame him. We’ve been traveling for weeks now. It would be nice to take a break. I’m looking forward to it myself.”

Very quickly, the camp was packed up and the horses were watered and saddled. Once the bedrolls, food sacks, and cooking equipment were packed on the packhorse, they were ready to head out. Candy took the lead with Hoss following and Joe taking his turn leading the packhorse. They headed for the long gully they had seen the day before and not wanted to traverse it because dusk was getting close. In the morning light, they could see their way through it very clearly. The bottom was a dry wash that was likely a raging torrent when it rained, but it made for easy travel for them on this morning. There was brush on either side and lots of rocks on the hillsides. As they were about to enter the dry wash, Candy paused and Hoss rode up beside him.

“You feeling as uneasy here as I am?”

“My neck is itching all the way down to my backside. Something ain’t right here. Candy, let’s back off some to see what happens.”

“All right. You ride on back to Joe first and get him and that ornery packhorse turned around. I’ll keep looking this way. If I see anything moving, I’ll give a holler.” Moving slowly, Candy slid his hand down his hip and loosened the strap holding his pistol in the holster. He rested his right hand on the handle and let his eyes rove from one side of the gully to the other. He suddenly realized why he was so uptight about the situation. It was completely silent in the gully and all around it. With all this brush, there should have been the sounds of birds and maybe the sounds of a few scurrying animals, but there was nothing. Suddenly from high up on the plateau, he was hit in the eyes with a light that must have flashed from metal or a small mirror. He wheeled Scout and rode hard after Hoss and Joe urging them to ride fast. As he did so, rifle fire erupted from both sides of the gully well behind them and peppered the area around them. They were moving fast and the gunmen were too far away so they were reasonably safe. They rode hard for the campsite they had the night before because it was the best cover they had seen for quite some time.

The six men who had attempted the ambush were furious. “What the hell happened?”

“I don’t know. All of a sudden they stopped, and then they hightailed it outta here.”

“Something spooked them. Did somebody move before they got between us?”

“Course not. We know what we’re doing.”

“We know better than that.”

Up on the plateau, Adam put his pocket mirror away and set the sights on the custom rifle he had. He zeroed in on the four men who had gathered in the dry wash. Two others had gone to retrieve the horses. Adam assumed that Jim would take care of them. It was his job to neutralize as many of the four killers as he could. In the two months that he and Jim had been pursuing the outlaws, they had turned more and more vicious killing more than a dozen people in their crime spree. Adam intended that the crime spree would end today. He had been shocked to see his brothers in that dry wash and had lost some precious time as he realized that they were there and in mortal danger. He would have already fired on the killers except he needed to save his brothers before he could carry out the plan that he and Jim had devised. He heard a shot and realized that Jim was already at work. He fired and saw one of the killers go down even as they all looked back to where the shot had come. Once he fired, they looked up and knew that their only avenue of escape was to go the same direction as Adam’s brothers had gone. Adam swore as he realized that and quickly zeroed in on another man firing as soon as he was sure of his target. He heard another shot and hoped that meant that Jim had taken care of the two with the horses. There were still two killers left, but he heard shots coming from up ahead and smiled when he realized that his brothers and their friend were firing too and catching the outlaws in the crossfire that they often used against their victims. He shot another and saw the last man fall.

With the outlaws all down, Adam took a deep breath and had a moment to think about why his brothers were in Texas. It didn’t take long to guess the reason. The telegram from his father was the only clue he needed. It was very much like his father not to give up so easily. He had not been satisfied with the answer he had received and sent Hoss and Joe here to verify the information. He didn’t know what to do about that. He stood to wave at Jim down below letting him know that he was going back to their camp because he needed time to think things through. He heard a yell and saw Hoss wave to him. He didn’t acknowledge that but turned away finally waving with his back turned because he couldn’t not answer that hail.

“Dadblame it, why didn’t he wave back?”

“What did you expect? It’s either a stranger or it’s Adam and he doesn’t want to see us.”

Joe stood then with a look that Hoss couldn’t decipher. Had he known, it was anger mixed with regret and sorrow as Joe had been as surprised and then hurt as Hoss was when the man up on the plateau had not acknowledged them. Candy suggested they go down to see the man checking the bodies. They were not very surprised when they got there to see him wearing a marshal’s badge. They introduced themselves and he nodded as if he knew them.

“I’m Marshal Jim King. We’ve been tracking this bunch for months. They started small but it got uglier and uglier. We didn’t know they were going to ambush you until late last night. There was no way to get word to you so we set up to stop them.”

“So that was your partner up on the plateau up there? The one who shoots so well?”

Looking up from under the brim of his hat, Jim assessed the big man who had asked. “You know who it is, don’t you? He has talked much, but he has talked. I’m guessing that he’s back at our camp brooding about it all again. Why don’t you help me pack up these bodies? If we’re lucky, we can have them in Los Santos by tonight and buried before the smell gets too bad. Storms are coming in and it’ll be better to talk there instead of out here.”

Jim was used to being in charge and making decisions. The men there seemed to acknowledge that and accept his plan. Soon they were headed southeast and then turned to the west for a short distance until they reached a small grove of trees. They found Adam there packing up their camp. He turned when the riders approached and waited warily for his brothers’ reactions. As soon as he saw Candy up close he knew why there were there. He was amazed at the serendipity of Candy ending up meeting Hoss and Joe. Hoss and Joe were very surprised by Adam’s appearance. He had been a man who wore a clean shirt every day and that had led to them teasing him unmercifully about it. He shaved every day and sometimes twice a day. He had taken pride in his appearance and cared what people thought about him on first impression. He stood there in dirty clothing with days of beard stubble, long hair, an untrimmed mustache, and a slouch hat. As Hoss approached him, he didn’t know if he was going to be hit or hugged. It was neither. Hoss stopped a few feet from him.

“The Marshal says we should talk in Los Santos. That all right with you?” At Adam’s nod, Hoss turned but had a parting comment. “It’ll give you some time to think on how you’re going to explain to us what happened. I have to tell you that right now, I’m a mite peeved at you. Just so you know.”

Adam nodded again afraid to speak because he wasn’t sure his voice would hold up with the overwhelming emotional impact of what had happened. His thoughts were in turmoil and his emotions were even more upset. He knew that the next day was going to be very difficult, and wondered how it would end.

With heavy storm clouds building and getting closer all day, the men rode hard. They were pelted with heavy rain that slowed them in the late afternoon especially because it turned the trail to mud in the low spots, but Jim and Adam were very familiar with the area and unerringly led them directly toward Los Santos. Strong gusts of wind whipped their clothing and stung them with sand when the rain let up for brief periods. It was a relief to see the lights of the town ahead. They stopped at the sheriff’s office where Jim went inside to make his official report and told Adam to take the bodies to the undertaker’s office for burial. It was also a barbershop, and all four men crowded inside to get out of the rain and stood to one side as Adam and the proprietor talked.

“Three coffins good enough?”

“Good enough, but you could bury them in the blanket rolls if you wanted to do that. Doesn’t make a difference. No relatives are going to come to mourn them.”

“All right. Markers?”

“We don’t have their names. Unless you find anything on them to give you a name, there won’t be a marker other than a plain one that says there’s a body down there.”

“Good. Now, do all of you want a bath and a shave?”

Adam turned to the others. “He’s the undertaker as well as the barber and bathhouse manager, and as close to a dentist or a doctor as you’ll find in this town.”

In short order, the four men were ushered into the room where there were multiple bathtubs. The proprietor loaded more wood in the stove to heat the water for the baths. “You might enjoy the baths more if you wash some of the grime away before you step into the tubs.” He pointed to a trough of cold water with bars of soap and clean towels that were gray from long use. They peeled off their hats, and vests, rolled up their sleeves, and washed faces, arms, and hands. The water turned a murky brown with those efforts.

“I can wash your clothes for you while you bathe if you have clean clothing with you. I’ll have my son take your horses to the livery stable too. Adam didn’t mention that I own that too.”

Then the others understood why Adam had carried his rifle and saddlebags inside with him. They trudged out into the rain once more to retrieve saddlebags and rifles. The proprietor had a table upon which they could place their rifles to dry. Candy grinned and asked the man if he was a gunsmith too, but he said that was one thing he had not gotten into. When they got back into the washroom, Adam was undressing. The three men also began to strip down but both Hoss and Joe paused as they saw the scars on Adam’s body. There were quite a few and they looked like they must have been from some very painful injuries. Adam didn’t look directly at them but knew they must have seen the scars. No one could miss them. Candy saw Hoss and Joe staring and wondered why. He noticed the scars too and thought that perhaps that was the reason. Hoss cleared that up in a hurry.

“Adam, all those scars! What in tarnation happened to you?”

 

Chapter 6

Settling into a tub of hot water, Adam faced a wall. It was easier than seeing the condemnation he had seen in Joe’s face and the mixed messages from Hoss. “Where do you want me to begin?”

“We got a lot of time. Why don’t you start at the beginning? We got a letter from you saying you was coming home. You never came. Pa hired some detectives and they found out you arrived in New York. Then it was like you disappeared. We didn’t even have no idea where to look for ya, older brother. Until Candy mentioned he had met an Adam Cartwright down here, we thought you coulda died. Pa sent me with Candy to check it out. Joe had to come along.”

Nothing was said for several minutes. Hoss and Joe settled into tubs and Candy did too although he had a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach like he was intruding. Adam put him at ease though. “Candy, thank you for telling my brothers what I was too ashamed to let them know. I did want to see them although I doubt either of them believe that right now.” A few more minutes passed before Adam said any more. Joe was about to let loose with a tirade when Adam began to tell his story. He had rehearsed this so often that it actually was easier than what he had thought it would be. His brothers listened to every word not even noticing the bath water getting cool.

“Starting at the beginning is not with that letter that I sent saying I was coming home. You already know that I studied some in New York before I left for England. While I was there, I was invited to do some teaching about mining and how we shored our mines and processed our ore as well as how we ventilated our mines and kept the water out. I told them how hot it could be in some of the mines and that ice was brought to the workers who sometimes worked short shifts and then were brought out to cool down. They were amazed by that wondering how productive they could be but I convinced them that it was far more productive than a long shift with exhausted workers. I was really feeling my oats, and ended up in a debate with a mine owner from Pennsylvania who also had extensive investments in Colorado mines. We ended up agreeing to disagree. However his daughter and I found that we agreed far more than that. We spent a great deal of time together and despite her father’s misgivings about me, he agreed to let her marry me. I couldn’t have been happier. We took a month to tour Europe when her parents returned to their home in Pennsylvania. I wrote a letter and sent it to you saying that I had a big surprise. By the time we boarded a ship for home, I had two big surprises. I was married and we were going to have a baby.”

Dropping his head, Adam put both hands on the back of his head and rocked slowly back and forth in the water trying to regain control of his emotions. He had not told this story in several years, and rehearsing had not made this part any easier to verbalize. He had not thought that saying those words again would be so painful. He breathed deeply until he thought he could continue.

“We left New York on the day we arrived to travel to her parents’ home. Miriam was so excited to tell them our news. When we got there, her father was in a terrible state. Apparently he had crossed his partners somehow and they were demanding restitution. He didn’t have the money to pay them. They had said he had to produce the money or they would kill his family. The day we arrived was the deadline. He had hoped we were still in Europe and out of reach of the syndicate. They had a room built into the house for hiding. While we were talking, there were the sounds of men arriving. I told them to hide in that room and I would try to convince the men that they were not there. After all, they didn’t know me so they would have no reason to think that I was part of the family. However, they had done their homework very well. They knew exactly who I was. They tied me up and strung me from the banister tying my legs to a heavy table. They broke bones, burned me, and did whatever they thought they could do to me without killing me to try to get me to tell them where the family was hiding. I never told them, but somehow they found the secret room. I don’t know if someone made a sound or if they figured it out. I’ll never know.”

The scars were explained, but the reason that Adam had not come home was not. Jim had come into the washroom as Adam was telling the story. He had listened as he undressed knowing that these men knew nothing of the story. He knew it all. He knew more than what Adam had told him because he had connections in the government and had used them to find out everything that he could. When Adam faltered and was unable to continue, Jim picked up the story.

“When the people found Adam the next morning, they found a horrific scene. They could only guess at what happened and they guessed wrong. They thought that Adam had told the men what they wanted to know. He never did. He was unable to say much because of his injuries and because Miriam had been assaulted and murdered before his eyes. His mother-in-law had been brutalized and then murdered next, and his father-in-law was murdered slowly after that. They left him alive as a witness to what happens when you cross that syndicate. He spent over a month recovering from his injuries amidst people who were hostile to him. He spent many months tracking down the men who had murdered his wife and her parents. He, in effect, was a bounty hunter but he didn’t bring anyone in alive until the last two. He allowed them to live in exchange for information on who had ordered those murders. He went to Denver and killed those two men.”

For several minutes, there was silence. Hoss was the first to break it. “Adam, why didn’t you come home then?”

“It wasn’t that simple. I didn’t just kill those men. I murdered them. I watched them and learned their behavior until I knew where they would be the most vulnerable. I attacked them there. It was in one of their homes when only the two of them were there. I threw one through a window and let him bleed to death from the cuts, and I stabbed the other one and let him bleed out. I told them why they were dying and I told them who I was. Nothing they said moved me to help them. By the time the authorities got there, it was too late to save either one. So that’s why I didn’t go back home. You now know that you have a murderer in the family.”

“Aw, Adam, ifn that was true, they woulda arrested you and tried you for murder. It was two against one.”

With a smile that had no humor in it, Adam turned and faced Hoss for the first time since he had begun talking. “They did try me for murder and convicted me, but the judge showed mercy because of what those men had done to me and my family. There was enough evidence brought forth by the authorities in Pennsylvania to convince him that I had told the truth. He gave me twenty years at hard labor instead of the gallows.”

“Then how did you end up here?” Hoss was shocked and confused.

Jim filled in the rest of the story. “I’m responsible for that. I had gone to school with Adam for a couple of years. He helped me out quite a lot. When I heard he was in trouble, I checked into it. The governor was willing to grant him amnesty on two conditions. He had to do some good for the community and he had to be supervised. I’ve been supervising his parole for three years now, and he’s been assisting me in my work as a U.S. Marshal. He’s done a lot of good down here.”

“Can he come home now?”

Adam didn’t let Jim answer because he thought he knew the answer. “Hoss, I have two years left on my parole.”

Jim interrupted before Adam could say more. “Actually, I could release you now. Your parole was actually for three to five years. Once the three years were up, I’m to release you from it when I think you’re ready but not longer than five years from the beginning of it. If you’re willing to go home with your brothers, then I think you’re ready.”

Jim’s response to Hoss had shocked Adam and then angered him. “And if I don’t want to go back to Nevada then you can hold me here for two more years? That’s blackmail.” The resentment that Adam had been feeling for three years boiled over.

“It’s a damn good deal and you ought to take it.” Joe spoke for the first time and his anger was more apparent than all the other things that he was feeling.

Candy did his best to break the tension knowing that things couldn’t get resolved in this setting with so many raw emotions and too many surprises. To give everyone a chance to blow off some steam and have a chance to think, he made a suggestion. “I don’t know about the rest of you, but I could really use a drink about now. Maybe I’ll have two and a big steak dinner too. The way it’s raining and blowing out there, we aren’t going anywhere for a while. Sitting around watching four naked men argue ain’t a proper way to spend an evening by my reckoning.”

Quickly picking up on what Candy was trying to do, Jim agreed. The men got out of their baths and toweled dry dressing in the clean clothing from their saddlebags. One by one, they took turns in the barber’s chair getting shaved and trimmed. There was no more conversation as all of the men had things about which to think. To Hoss and Joe, Adam looked a bit more like Adam after a shave but his hair was still longer than he had worn it when he was younger and he kept the mustache too. He was thinner than they expected as well, but they had seen that he was well muscled and looked otherwise healthy even though he had quite a few scars that glowed pink after his bath.

Dinner was relatively quiet as none of the brothers could think of a topic that was safe, and anything brought up by either Candy or Jim failed to elicit much of a response from any of the three. They had a bottle of whisky at the table, and after two drinks, Joe decided to ask what he had been meaning to ask all along.

“Don’t you know how much it hurt Pa thinking you might be dead?”

Leaning back in his chair, Adam wrapped his hands around his glass of whisky and stared down at the table for a minute before raising his eyes and looking straight at Joe. “I thought about that. I thought too how painful it would be for him to know what a disappointment I am to him. He taught me a lot of things, and he made it clear that there were some rules that could never be broken and never forgiven if they were. I murdered two men, Joe. He won’t be able to forgive that. If I went back with you, every time he looked at me, he would see a murderer.”

“So, you’re not coming back with us?” Joe’s tone was accusatory.

Adam’s answer sounded sad. “I don’t think that I should.”

“Well, I think you should. I think you ought to at least see Pa and tell him what you told us. I think you owe him that much at least.” Joe had raised his voice and gotten the attention of the other patrons who didn’t appreciate him interrupting their good times with his outburst. Hoss reached out a hand and rested it on Joe’s shoulder. “Don’t take his side, Hoss. For Pa’s sake, he needs to come back with us.”

“I ain’t taking his side, Joe. I just want you to settle down some. No, if Adam don’t decide to come with us on his own, I’m figuring on throwing a lasso around him and tying him over the packhorse. One way or another, I figure we’re bringing him back to Pa. I figure it the best thing for both of ’em, don’t you?”

The fire in Adam’s eyes was intense. “You have no right.”

“That’s where you’re dead wrong, older brother. We made a pact, oh, about twenty years ago, by my figuring, and we said if one of us was about to do something just plain stupid, it was the duty of the other one to stop him no matter how mad it made him. Now you done that with Regan. She woulda sucked the life outta me and tore my heart into itty bitty pieces. I was mad enough to kill you for what ya done, but once I came to my senses, I knew you done what had to be done. You done it with Helen too so she wouldn’t ruin my life. That’s all I’m doing here. You ain’t ever gonna be right unless you come on home with us, and Pa ain’t ever gonna stop hurting lessin he gets a chance to wrap his arms around you and tell you you’re forgiven, and don’t be giving me that look. Pa’s got a lot more heart than you’re giving him credit for. He’ll listen like we listened. If you hadn’t a murdered them jaspers, I could see me and Joe doing it for ya. Now maybe there was a better way ya coulda gone about it, but it was two on one, and they was evil men. That’s how I see it. How ’bout you, Joe?”

“I see it about the same way you do, Hoss.”

“Marshal, you see fit to get Adam that amnesty ifn he rides out of here with us and heads on back home to the Ponderosa?”

“It will take some time, and I’ll need to go with you as far as Denver to get everything taken care of legally, but yes, all-in-all, yes, he can have his amnesty if he’ll accept it.”

It was amazing to the other men that Adam’s glass didn’t break as hard as he was squeezing it. They could see the muscles in his jaw working, and his brows were tightly bunched. His eyes were dark and moved from one to another of them seeming to try to gaze into their souls. Finally, he spoke. “I’ll let you know in the morning. I need to think.”

 

Chapter 7

As Hoss and Jim watched Adam walk to the livery stable with his saddlebags over his shoulder and his rifle in his hand, they raised their cups of coffee and sipped. Jim spoke first.

“He’s a very angry man.”

“He’ll get over it. He always does.”

“Hoss, I’m not talking about manipulating him into going back home. I’m talking about what happened to him and what he did. He’s angry yet at what was done and he’s still mad at himself for not finding a better way of handling what came next. He acted emotionally and vengefully. He knew it was illegal and did it anyway. His life hasn’t been his own since that night that he was tortured. He’s still tied up in many ways just as he was that night.”

“Do you know why he’s got that funny burn mark low down on his belly like that?”

“They branded him with the mark of the syndicate. It was to let anyone know that they weren’t ever supposed to cross them or they would get what had been done to that family. Instead it told Adam who to go after.”

“So it backfired on them right bad then, didn’t it?”

Jim smiled without humor and nodded. “Do you think that you and your family are going to find a way to cut him loose from that past and let him slay his demons?”

“I ain’t rightly sure exactly what you’re talking about, but ifn you’re saying are we gonna find a way for the old Adam to come back, then, yeah, we will. I don’t know how, but we’ll find a way. We have to. He talk at all to you last night?”

“Nope, he clammed up tighter than a high class whore on her day off when the only men in towns have to pool their money to come up with two bits.”

Hoss laughed and slapped Jim on the back making him spit out the mouthful of coffee he had taken when he finished talking. “Where’s the closest place where I can send a telegram? I want to let Pa know as soon as possible that we found Adam.”

“There isn’t anyplace close to here. We could follow the Fort Smith Trail to Santa Fe and then head due north to Denver. There’s a telegraph connection in Santa Fe, and I thought you wanted to get some breeding stock. There are some good ranches around Santa Fe and between Santa Fe and Denver. It would give you and your brothers something to do together.”

“It would take you a long way from your jurisdiction, wouldn’t it?”

Jim smiled. “Not so far as you think. I work Texas, New Mexico, and Indian Territory. Houston has been my base of operations officially, but for a long time, I’ve been up this far north and sometimes even had to follow men into Colorado. It’s why Adam and I knew the area so well. We’re rarely in Houston any more. I have to see about his amnesty anyway and sign off on the legal papers.”

“So he’ll be free and clear with no record or nothing?”

“Nothing official. His record will be wiped clean. As far as the government is concerned, he will be a completely law abiding citizen once more.”

“Jim, those men he killed, would they have killed more and done more bad stuff if Adam hadn’t of killed ’em?”

“I can’t be positive about that, of course, but I would say that, I think they would have done a lot of terrible things.”

“So he kinda did a good thing by getting rid of ’em?”

“Hoss, I’m sworn to uphold the law, and I can’t condone that kind of behavior, but I have to say I understand why you and many, many people would think that. It is very difficult to get the justice system to have the ability to be able to stop evil men who are that rich and powerful and choose to violate the law.” Jim tossed the dregs of his coffee into the street. “We better get going or he may just leave without us.” He nodded toward the stable where Adam had led his horse out and was already tightening the cinch and checking out his horse for travel.

Hurrying inside to tell Joe and Candy that they needed to get moving, Hoss grabbed his saddlebags and rifle before heading to the livery stable where Adam was already saddling up Chubb. Hoss heard him talking to the horse as he neared the stable and slowed his walk and listened to Adam ask Chubb if Sport was still on the Ponderosa and how everyone else was doing. Beneath that gruff exterior, Hoss knew then that Adam cared a great deal about his family and the Ponderosa. He scuffed his feet a bit as he walked so that Adam would know he was approaching. He had no wish to embarrass his brother at this point. It was enough that he knew that the old Adam was still there.

The first two days of travel were very difficult with storms that made them ride through driving rain and hard driving winds. The winds shifted to the north after that and grew much stronger as the temperature dropped chilling them. When they finally made it to a ranch, the owner was unwilling to sell any stock and they found the same at the next ranch. They did get to sleep in stables though so they weren’t as cold, but they were tired. One day away from Santa Fe, sitting around a campfire, Hoss and Candy began discussing whether they ought to consider going home without breeding stock because they knew they had what Ben had wanted most. Joe got angry.

“So this really was just a trip to get him. It was a lot of time and money just to force someone to come back home even though he doesn’t want to.”

“I’m right here. Why don’t you say it to me?” Adam stood to face Joe who stood in response.

“I will. We’ve all lost people we loved. We didn’t run off like a coward and hide away and whine about it for years. All you were thinking about was you. What about Pa and what you did to him? You’re a selfish bastard.”

“I’d kill any other man who said that to me.”

“Oh, yeah, you’re good at that, aren’t you? In that gully, you shot some of those men in the back from up on that plateau. Nice and safe for you. How about facing a man and shooting him when he’s got a fair chance against you. You ever try that?”

Joe was letting out his frustration and resentment, but he unleashed the fury that Adam had bottled up. Hoss leaped up to jump between his brothers and Jim jumped in front of Adam placing his hand out to hold Adam back even as he knew it wouldn’t be nearly enough if Adam decided that he wanted to hit Joe.

“Adam, you’ve got a lot riding on how you react in the next few minutes. You want to throw away your chance to be free of that parole because your younger brother doesn’t know when to shut up and apparently hasn’t got the common sense and intelligence of a flea?”

Hoss grabbed Joe because Jim’s remark incensed the young man. “Joe, he done told the truth. When you’re mad, you’re just like that. Now you simmer down before I hafta make you set down good and hard.”

There was a tense standoff for a full minute until Candy pulled a bottle of whisky from his saddlebags. “Somehow I figured that if Adam and Joe got to talking, we might be needing this.”

Jim was still facing down a furious Adam and Hoss had his arms around Joe who was gradually regaining his good sense.

“You can let me go, Hoss. I won’t do anything unless I have to defend myself.” Joe looked over at Adam who was still furious. Unable to say anything and unwilling to concede, Adam turned and strode off into the darkness. Jim was going to follow but Hoss grabbed his arm.

“I’ll go.”

Candy stood then. “No, Hoss, I’ll go. I think I understand better than any of you what he’s feeling. All of you are too emotionally involved in this to help him calm down. Let me go talk with him?”

After a moment, Hoss nodded. Candy poured a generous amount of whisky into each of two tin cups and walked into the darkness in the direction Adam had gone. He had to slow to a snail’s pace after a short distance unable to see where he was going and feeling his way with his boot one step at a time. He was nearly startled into dropping the two cups when a voice sounded from a few feet away.

“That better be whisky in those cups or you can hightail it back to your friends.”

“It’s whisky.”

“Then sit for a while, friend.”

“I would if I could see a damn thing out here. How can you see anything?”

“I learned long ago from the Paiute not to look at the campfire. I look at anything but that. If I need to rush away from the fire, I can see reasonably well by natural light. It’s dark, but I can see shapes of things. Here.” With a hand on his arm, Adam guided him to a log to sit and gently took a cup from his hand. As Candy’s eyes adjusted to the darkness, he had trouble seeing Adam but realized he could start to see shapes.

“Now I know why you wear the colors that you do. You blend in perfectly with the background. If you hadn’t said something, I never would have found you.”

“I know. If it had been anyone else, they wouldn’t have found me.”

“Why me then?”

“You had whisky.”

“What if I didn’t?”

“I want to know your story, and I have a feeling that you want to tell me.”

“You can read minds now too?” There was only silence in the darkness. Candy knew it was his invitation to start talking. It was kind of funny to him. He had thought that he would tell this story to Joe so that he would understand that sometimes people had reasons for what they did, but instead he wanted to tell Adam so that he knew that he had someone there who understood what he was feeling. He realized too that he wanted to tell someone who would understand how he had felt for many years with a mixture of great regret and sorrow over what had happened but a sense that he had done what he had to do and couldn’t think of how he could have done it any differently.

“My first job at full wages was working as a wrangler on a cattle drive. In those early days, those were rough outfits with lots of men fresh from the War, no roots, and lots of hostility to work out. Lots of young men with plenty of spirit too and fire inside them. We took on every challenge and beat every one. We faced storms, deserts, Comanches, and roving bands of outlaws who’d as soon cut your throat as anything. After months on the trail, getting into a trailhead was the sweetest thing anyone could imagine. Some of the guys were in a great mood after drinking all night long and walked out in the early morning to fire off a few shots and wake up the town. Unfortunately, they were also drunk and not every shot went up into the sky. Several were shot into the walls of buildings. One went through a wall and hit a boy in the head. I mean, if it had hit him anywhere else, he would have lived. It went right into his eye though. Kid never had a chance. Now our two boys had no idea they had hurt anyone. We laughed and then stumbled on down to a restaurant to have ourselves a nice breakfast. By the time we finished, there was a mob there. There must have been a dozen men who wanted to know who’d been doing the shooting. Now we thought they wanted money for damages so the two boys was upright and stood to say they had done the shooting and would pay for any damages as they hadn’t meant any harm. The crowd grabbed them and meant to haul them off to hang them. Well, we weren’t about to let that happen. We drew our guns and it was a standoff with our two boys right there in the middle of it. Some men stepped forward and said they killed that boy. We said it was an accident. They said it was murder. We said it was murder if they strung up them two who had meant no harm. To this day, I can’t tell you who fired the first shot, but when it was done, there were six more bodies. Two of ours and four of theirs were down. We got our horses and rode on out of there as fast as we could. As far as I know, I’m probably still wanted in Kansas for murder.”

“If you told that story to Jim, he’d have to arrest you.”

“Kinda figured that. Thought you’d understand though. Sometimes there just isn’t a good solution, and what we do is the best that can be done even if it’s an awful thing.”

“You didn’t have time to think about what you did. You reacted in the only way you knew how. I had lots of time to think, but I did it anyway.”

“All this time since it all happened, you think of a better way to do it?”

Silence was the only answer Candy needed. He knew what it meant. He waited for a time, and then thought he might bring up another sore subject.

“Most of the time, Joe doesn’t mean what he says when he’s mad.”

Candy heard a soft chuckle to that one. “Candy, I know that, but that boy has always been able to get under my skin with a few words faster than anyone I know. He knows how to prick me just right to make my blood boil. I should know better by now, but he can still do it.”

“Maybe he enjoys having that power over you.”

“He probably does. We’ll clear the air between us once we get a chance to talk. He keeps talking about how I hurt Pa, but I know Pa understands far better than Joe does. Pa knows me and he knows how I work through things. Joe’s the one who’s hurting the most by what I did and didn’t do, but he doesn’t want to admit that his stubborn, smart-alecky older brother means that much to him. Expect more fireworks when we do talk, but I’ll do my best to be more thick-skinned about it, and I’ll try not to hit him if at all possible.”

“Well, I always have the bottle of whisky if you need it.”

“I never need it, but I did enjoy it. Thank you. And thank you for talking. It helped me put things in perspective. Let’s walk back now so that my mother hens can rest easier.”

“Hoss and Jim?”

“Who else? Maybe all of us can even get a decent night’s rest tonight. The whisky might help.”

 

Chapter 8

The next morning as Adam and Candy saddled their horses, Hoss noted that the two of them were engaged in conversation. He liked that. Anything that brought out more of Adam was a good thing as far as he was concerned, but he couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy and of loss that Adam was talking with Candy and not with him. He sauntered over to the two trying to make it appear that he wasn’t trying to butt in if they wanted to keep it private. He wondered at what he heard.

“Candy, I was thinking last night. The two of your men who got killed: were they the ones who did the shooting that got the boy killed?”

“Nope, it was two of the other men. One of them was a man who wouldn’t hurt anyone unless he had to. I guess he thought that was a situation when he had to. He drew his gun so he was fair game, but it was a shame. I’m guessing there were five families mourning in that town that night too. I know we were feeling mighty awful as we rode out. We couldn’t even see that our men got proper burials. At least there were no wives and children to tell when we got back.”

Hoss wanted the know what the story was so Candy told him a quick version and promised a full rendition when they had more time to talk. Hoss noted the similarities in the story to the story that Adam had told.

“You know, it’s like the preacher talked about wrestling with a serpent and not being able to let go cause it will up and kill you and not being able to win cause it’s too damn strong. Sometimes there just ain’t a way out, is there? I guess you jest keep on wrestling it till one of you is plumb exhausted and gives up. Course I ain’t never met two more ornery men than the two of you so you ain’t never gonna give up. That serpent ain’t got a chance.”

Candy laughed and slapped Hoss on the shoulder as he went to get the gear to load on the packhorse.

Hoss watched Candy walk away and then turned to Adam. “What’d I say?”

“Only what needed to be said. Hoss, I am sorry that I didn’t call to you for help when I needed it. I told myself it was because I wanted to protect you, but I really was protecting myself from being embarrassed at needing help. I could have done so much better if I had used my head.”

“Aw, Adam, I understand. What you went through musta made it real hard to think straight on things.”

“Hoss, you always understood me better than I understood myself. Thank you. I needed you and I should have called for your help.”

“Ah, Adam, you need me now?”

Feeling emotion welling up inside of him, Adam dropped his head and rubbed his neck before stepping forward and wrapping his arms around his big brother for the first time in six years. He had hugged Hoss when he had left and thanked him for understanding. He didn’t need those words now because Hoss knew and had his own tears threatening to fall. It was amazing to Adam how easily he and Hoss could reconnect, but he should have known and mentally kicked himself for not trying years sooner.

In the campsite, Jim, Candy, and Joe saw the two men hug and gave them time before walking over with the rest of the gear. Joe had mixed feelings, but was slowly coming to terms with his own thoughts. He hoped that he would have a chance to talk with Adam once they were in Santa Fe. Hoss had promised at least a full day in the town and perhaps more if they found that any ranches in the area were willing to sell bulls to them. He hoped there were because he knew that any conversation between him and Adam was likely to be emotional and take several sessions to be complete. He also thought that some alcohol might help loosen their tongues with each other because it had sometimes helped in the past. He smiled as he thought about that. He remembered too talking to Adam in the middle of the night as well as during storms when he couldn’t sleep and hoped that one of those scenarios would let him open up to his brother for it seemed Adam was willing if the experience of Candy and Hoss were any examples.

The mood of the group had lightened considerably, and Adam began singing bawdy saloon songs as they rode which led to Candy and Hoss telling bawdy stories and Joe telling bawdy jokes until they saw the silhouettes of buildings in the distance against the setting sun.

“There it is. That’s Santa Fe.”

“Adam, it’s a mite smaller than I expected. Don’t they have any buildings taller than that?”

“No, it’s built low to the ground. Makes more sense out here to build that way. The walls are very thick, and generally it’s quite a bit cooler inside. They have nice clean rooms at the hotel and the bathhouse has a few extra benefits for an extra charge or two.”

While Hoss and Joe stopped at the telegraph office to send a wire to Ben, Adam and Jim led Candy to the bathhouse after putting their horses in the livery stable. They were already bathed and heading off for some extras by the time that Hoss and Joe arrived. They agreed to meet in the saloon later where they had steak dinners and beer.

“Dang, Adam, it may be warm but this is the best dang beer I’ve had in a long time.”

“Some Germans settled in the region a few years ago. They do know how to make a good rich beer. I almost like it better than whiskey.”

“Well, now, I don’t know about you four, but I’m plumb tuckered out. I’m heading up to that soft bed. It looked mighty inviting when I dropped my stuff in that room. And I got a bed all to myself too.”

“Hoss, it’s only because you snore so loud no one wants to share with you.”

“Adam, now you don’t have to be rude. Just cause I sleep louder than some ain’t no reason not to be nice to me.”

“I’m heading up too. Joe and I have the room next to Hoss and it will be a lot easier to sleep if I fall asleep before the rumbling begins. I swear he can shake a wall.”

“Now, Candy, you shouldn’t be following my older brother’s example. Why you could hurt my feelings talking like that.”

“Not as bad as you could hurt my ears. Good night all.”

“Hey, Adam, you heading up to sleep? Hoss said he and Candy plan to head out bright and early to check out some of the ranches around here.”

“Nope, Jim, I think I’ll sit here for a while yet.”

Jim knew why and bid Adam and Joe goodnight as he walked out with Candy and Hoss. They wondered why he had so quickly turned and walked with them.

“Adam has nightmares fairly often. He won’t go to sleep until he’s sure that he’ll drop into a deep sleep quickly and hopefully sleep until dawn. He usually won’t have nightmares that way. That’s why he doesn’t have them when we’re on the trail. He’s up late and early. I only hope your younger brother doesn’t stir things up too much.”

“Nah, I think Joe’s about ready to do some talking. I hope so anyway. He always lets loose with the temper first and spouts off with the first things that pop into his head. Adam knows that. He’ll be waiting on Joe to talk more sensible like now when he’s ready.”

When Candy nodded at Hoss’ statement, Jim relaxed about the situation. They knew both of the brothers so he hoped their assessment of the situation was correct. Adam had been more relaxed that day so he hoped that progress was being made. It was what he thought would happen once Adam was back with his family. He had never met Adam’s father, but he had heard about the morally righteous religious man and hoped he would be able to accept his son despite what he had done. He of course didn’t know Ben Cartwright so he underestimated him. But that revelation was to come later.

In the saloon, Adam and Joe sat silently for a time. Several times, the ladies came to the table and sat with the men and chatted. It was clear though that the two men were not interested in anything more than conversation so they moved on after about ten minutes each time. Finally Adam decided to break the ice to see if Joe was ready to talk.

“Joe, I’m sorry.”

A bit startled by that, Joe looked at Adam and asked what he was being sorry about.

“About everything. I should have done a better job of explaining why I left when I did, and I should never have left until you understood why I was going and that Pa was in agreement with me. I had every intention of coming back, and I should have made that clear to you. I got in a bit of a snit because you were mad about me leaving and I made it worse. I’m sorry I was such a mulehead about it.”

“Well, I accept your apology, and while we’re at it, I’m sorry that I didn’t try to understand your side of it. I still don’t understand it, but if I had taken the time to look at it the way you saw it, I guess I would have been able to see why you thought you had to do what you did.”

“Good enough. Now, I also want to tell you that I have no good excuse for not calling on my family when I needed the help. I was too proud and too stubborn. I wanted to do it myself, and I got myself into a huge mess. If it wasn’t for Jim, I would be sitting in a prison in Colorado right now. Hell, if I’m being honest, I would probably be dead by now. He didn’t really give me a choice. He gave me two options and one was so much better than the other that only a total fool would have said no.”

“Well, at least you weren’t a total fool.” Joe’s mouth began to curl up into a grin and Adam couldn’t help it and joined him in a chuckle.

“Everything has to be funny with you, doesn’t it?”

“Only as much as everything has to be serious with you.”

“Two sides to the same coin.”

“Huh?”

“Pa told me once that we were two sides to the same coin. We had one of our many disagreements, and then we worked it out as we always did. Pa and I talked about it later, and he said we were two sides of the same coin, heads and tails but joined together so tight that nothing would ever pry us apart.”

“The sun and the moon, salt and pepper, fire and ice.”

“Yeah, something like that. Joe, I’m very sorry that I hurt you. I never meant to do that.”

“Adam, why didn’t you write to me? You wrote to Pa and wrote to Hoss too, but I only got two letters and then no more. It hurt when those envelopes would come and there would be no letter for me.”

“Joe, you never wrote back. I thought you didn’t want any letters from me.”

“Wrote back? I thought Pa wrote back for all of us.”

“He wrote back, but Hoss always wrote notes to me too. He would tell me what critters he had found or what he had seen that he thought was beautiful even if it was just a pretty cloud in the sky so I knew he wanted to hear from me. I never got anything from you.”

“I didn’t know that. I knew Pa would ask if I wanted to say something in the letter, and I would ask him to read what he wrote and I would tell him he had covered it all. I wish I had known that Hoss had added in his own notes. I would have done it too, Adam, if I had known.”

“Joe, I would have written to you too if I had known you wanted to hear from me.”

“Of course I wanted to hear from you. You’re my brother.”

“Sometimes I don’t know what you’re thinking on that score. The messages I get are pretty mixed. I try not to do the wrong thing and end up doing the wrong thing anyway because I don’t know how to read you.”

“Hoss says you’re not that hard to read either but I have trouble with it.”

“Pa read me well too when he needed to.”

“He didn’t understand why you had to leave either.”

“Pa understood. We talked about it. I felt much the same way he had felt as a young man. He knew I had to do it or it would eat away at me.”

“He hurt so bad when you left.”

“I know. I wanted to come back and make him happy again. I wish that Miriam and I could have climbed down off that stage in Virginia City and told him he was going to be a grandfather. For a few months, I could picture just how it would be. Now I can’t hardly remember what she looked like because all that keeps coming back is that last night.” Adam paused to get control of his emotions and to turn the conversation back to the relationship he had with his youngest brother. “I’m sorry I lost my temper like I did the other night. I lose my temper too easily.”

Joe dropped his head. “No, I know that was my fault. It’s probably because sometimes I don’t know how I feel about you. You can make me so mad, but when I needed someone to talk to about the big things, you were always the one who could help the most. Pa tends to get all preachy on me, but you always said it straight out and let me think on it my own way. Adam, I trust you as much as I trust anyone in the world. I wish you trusted me that much.”

“Joe, I do. I should have asked for your help. I’m asking now because I don’t know how things are going to go in Denver. Jim is very confident, but this is a new governor now, and we can’t be certain he will honor the amnesty that the previous governor offered. I might need a lot of help if he doesn’t.”

“Adam, maybe you shouldn’t go back there then.”

“Except I have to go back. I have to do what Jim tells me to do. After all he did for me, I can’t refuse an order from him.”

“We’ll talk about it with him. There’s got to be a better way than just walking in there and letting you take your chances.”

“We’ve got about two weeks to work something out.”

“Good. We’ve got some great minds so we ought to be able to come up with something. You ready to get some sleep now?”

“No, I think I’ll sit up for a while yet.”

Joe had been rising but dropped back down into his seat and looked at his oldest brother. “We had a shootout with outlaws, traveled across some of the rottenest country I’ve ever seen, slept on the ground or in smelly stables, and put in a long hot day today. This conversation was pretty tiring all by itself. Why aren’t you ready to sleep?” Adam pursed his lips and thought about how to answer. “Adam, trust me.”

“I get nightmares. If I’m exhausted, I don’t get nightmares.”

Joe leaned back in his chair and regarded Adam for a moment and then looked back over his shoulder at the clock. He signaled one of the saloon girls who brightened at his crooked finger.

“Darling, could you get us a checkerboard?”

Clearly disappointed, she went to the bar to get a checkerboard. Joe pulled out a coin and tipped her for her troubles and she smiled at his unexpected generosity. Adam leaned forward and put his elbows on the table and crossed his arms.

“Don’t cheat.”

“Adam, I don’t cheat at checkers.” At Adam’s raised eyebrows, Joe chuckled. “All right, I don’t cheat at checkers when I play you because you always catch me. All right?”

Adam smiled. “Hoss always knew you cheated too. He played along with it to see what you would do.”

“I know.”

They laughed and played checkers until after midnight before going to their rooms. Adam had no nightmares that night.

 

Chapter 9

After three days in Santa Fe, Hoss declared that the three bulls and ten cows that they had purchased were sufficient. “Ifn we find some good stock between here and Denver, we can up and buy a few more. We could probably manage another bull or two. Pa wouldn’t mind, I don’t think.”

“I guess it was a good thing your brother flashed that mirror at us so those outlaws couldn’t ambush us. I wonder how they knew we were carrying bank drafts and cash.” Candy had wondered ever since that morning because he knew that Hoss and Joe had said nothing and he had said nothing. Jim answered his question.

“Those men were willing to kill for what they could see. You had weapons, saddles, horses, and food. It was all they wanted. They would have taken your boots and hats too probably.”

“Well, then they was the most low down vermin there ever was, weren’t they?” Hoss twisted around in the saddle to look back at Joe waiting for him to say something. He knew that Joe and Adam had come to some understanding, but he expected Joe to make amends for things he had said. Joe got the message. He looked at Adam’s back and spoke loudly enough for him to hear and for the other two men riding beside him and behind him to hear as well.

“Adam, I’m sorry for what I said about you shooting them. Thank you for saving our lives by whatever you had to do to do it. I understand, and what I said about it a few days ago was stupid. Can you forgive me, please?”

Raising his hand, Adam gave Joe a wave before turning slightly in the saddle. “Of course, Joe. I knew you didn’t mean it. You were upset. Compared to the things that have been done to me, that wasn’t too bad. It’s all right.” Adam turned back to focus on the cattle he was pushing ahead of them. Hoss gave Joe a nod and smug smile before turning back to help Adam. They had two of the bulls in front with seven of the cows. Joe rode in the middle leading the packhorse. Behind Joe, Jim rode with Candy who was herding the other more cantankerous bull and three cows. As Joe rode, he felt worse than before he had apologized to Adam for what he had said about shooting the outlaws. He knew he had gone much too far in everything else he had said to Adam. He knew he had been hurting but instead of admitting it, he had chosen to hurt his brother instead. He knew now why their father and Hoss had not wanted him to come on this trip. He remembered too all those years ago how he had referred to Ben as ‘my’ father when he disagreed with Adam about Farmer Perkins. As he rode, more and more instances when he had not been a good brother came back to him. He resolved to be a better brother and also thought that it might be best to write his thoughts down so that he could organize them and make them sound the way he wanted them to sound because sometimes when he was talking, the words didn’t come out the way he wanted them to come out. He was quiet that night in camp and on the following night until Hoss pulled him aside.

“All right now, I got one brother hurting and I don’t need another one so you need to tell me what’s got you nursing your wounds.”

With eyes downcast, Joe was reluctant at first to say anything. Hoss decided to push a bit to get him to talk.

“Is it because you said some downright mean things to Adam and now you know you can’t take ’em back so you don’t know how to make it right?”

Joe nodded. “Hoss, how can I say I’m sorry without bringing up all the hurtful things I said?”

“You can’t.”

Joe dropped his head again. He thought he was defeated.

“Do you love Adam as your brother?”

“Of course I do. I love him as much as I always did, and maybe even more now that I know more about him.”

“Do you want him to come home?”

“Hoss, you may not believe me after the things I’ve said, but I want him to come home. I want him to come home more than I can tell you.”

“Then that’s what you tell him. None of that other stuff matters, if you tell him those two things. Him and me ain’t had no long talks or nothing. He told us what happened. I feel real bad for him. He knows it. He knows I love him and that I want him to come home. I told him that.”

“Yeah, I think you told him you were going to tie him over the packhorse if he said no.”

“Well, that was my way of telling him how important it was to me. He got the message now didn’t he?”

“It’s that easy?”

“It ain’t necessarily gonna be that easy. You gotta find the right words and the right time, but yeah, that’s what ya gotta say and mean it.”

“Oh, I mean it. So when I find the right time and the right words to say it, then I should go ahead and do it.”

Hoss nodded.

“Geez, sometimes, I think I’m really lucky to have two older brothers who can help me with things like this.”

“Only sometimes.”

Joe smiled and Hoss understood that Joe would do his best to find a way to tell Adam the two things he needed to tell him. It wouldn’t happen for a few days and in a most dramatic fashion. They were almost a week out of Santa Fe and crossing into Colorado when they spotted dust ahead of them and more behind them. It was ominous. Luckily Adam had spotted one telltale sign of riders coming in hard and Candy had seen the other. They quickly looked for cover and saw a canyon but knew that was the place that the horsemen most likely wanted them to go. They turned the cattle and rode as fast as they could in the opposite direction hoping to confuse their attackers because in their minds, there was no doubt that is what was about to happen. Hoss yelled to let the cows go and only try to keep the bulls with them. They found a rocky outcropping that offered cover and had a large relatively open expanse all around that would make it difficult for anyone to ride against them in daylight. There was only about four hours of daylight left though so they knew they were in great jeopardy if the men coming against them had far superior numbers. Once they were behind the rocks and the horses and bulls were secured, they took up defensive positions and watched. What they saw made them worry. It was a group of renegade Comancheros who had been victimizing travelers, settlers, and small settlements all over New Mexico, Texas, and southern Colorado. They were formidable foes and had about fifteen men to the five who were hiding in the rocks.

“Maybe they’ll be satisfied with the ten cows.” Joe tried to be optimistic.

“I think they want it all.” The Marshal didn’t yet know about Joe’s sense of humor. He poked his head up to see what the Comancheros were doing and took a bullet in the shoulder for trying. Adam pulled him down and checked.

“You won’t be using that arm any time soon.”

“Shut up, Adam. It hurts like hell.”

“Candy, I think he can use some of that whisky if you still have it.”

Hoss knelt on the other side of Jim, and he and Adam took a good look at the wound. It was bleeding profusely. They gave Jim a chance to gulp some whisky and then without warning, Adam poured some on the wound causing Jim to scream in pain.

“Sorry, Jim, but it had to be done.”

Unable to speak, Jim writhed in agony. Adam got a clean shirt from Jim’s saddlebags and fashioned a thick bandage from it. He pressed it into the wound and with Hoss’ help, wrapped strips of cloth around it to hold it in place. They stepped away once they laid Jim down on a blanket. He was oblivious by then to anything happening around him. Slowly the cows wandered into the area where the men had taken shelter. They became part of the escape plan.

“Hoss, we have to get him out of here. He needs attention and soon. If we wait until morning, he may be dead.”

“Yep, but how we gonna do that?”

“Saddle up the horses and ride out of here with the bulls to the outside for cover. If they shoot the bulls, well, that means more time to ride further. I’ll stay here to give you covering fire and ride out as soon as you get clear.”

Joe and Candy had listened to Adam’s plan. Joe stepped forward immediately. “Oh, no, you don’t, older brother. I love you too much to let you sacrifice yourself like that. Besides, I want to take you home to Pa. He’s going to be heartbroken if we have to tell him we found you and then lost you. Hell, my heart would break and so would Hoss’. We leave here together or not at all.”

Adam looked at Joe and wrapped a hand around the back of his neck pulling his youngest brother closer to him. “Thanks, Joe. Now, then, you have a better plan?”

“We all ride out of here together as fast as we can like you said. It’s the last thing they’re expecting. By now, they’re probably settling in ready to wait for dark to take us. They’ve probably loosened the cinches on their saddles and set a couple of guards at most. They’ve got nothing to fear from us or so they think. We leave the packhorse if we have to and like you said, the bulls and cows may have to be sacrificed. They do out first and we use them for cover. Otherwise, we ride hard. Two of us can lead Jim’s horse. We’ll tie him on and go first with the other two behind with the packhorse on a long lead rope. We don’t stop until we have to stop. By then maybe they’ll give up.”

Looking around the group at the others who nodded because there didn’t seem to be a better plan, Adam nodded too. They went to get ready giving a good ration of water to their horses who were going to be pushed hard. When they were ready, they rode out exactly as Joe had stated and caught the Comancheros off guard much as they had hoped. Two hours later, though, they were still being chased although the pursuit was far enough away that they weren’t in immediate danger. They took a quick break at Adam’s yell.

“I want to go up in those rocks while there’s still some light and take out some of them to see if it will be enough to get them to quit.”

“If it isn’t, they could get you.” Joe was very worried.

Adam was even more worried about Jim who sat pale and sweating on the horse to which he was tied. “I won’t stay that long. It’s getting close to dark. They’ll have trouble seeing me and which way I go when I leave. They won’t be able to track me either.”

“I’ll stay with him. I’m a pretty fair shot at long distance too.” No one was surprised that Hoss wanted to stay with Adam, but Candy had a different idea.

“Hoss, I shoot almost as well as you, but I ride a lot faster and I’m a lot smaller target. Adam is going to have a better chance of outrunning them if I’m the one who stays. You go with Joe and get Jim to safety. You know more about taking care of somebody who’s wounded than I do. Adam says the next town is only another two hours up this road. Even in the dark, we should be able to find it. We’ll meet you there.”

Knowing that they shouldn’t waste time arguing and that both Adam and Candy had made logical statements, Hoss nodded and wished them good luck. “You both better be there in one piece, or I’m gonna never let you forget it.” He turned Joe who wanted to find a way to make this situation better but could think of nothing that would work. They rode off as Candy and Adam made their way up into the rocks and took up firing positions. Within fifteen minutes, Hoss and Joe heard shooting and said silent prayers that their brother and good friend were successful and stayed safe. They reached the safety of the small town and got Jim to the local doctor’s office. Then they mounted up to ride to the assistance of Adam and Candy. The sheriff went with them as did two men who volunteered. They heard shooting about a half hour out of town. It was nearly dark and Hoss wasn’t sure where Adam and Candy were until the setting sun was reflected off a mirror in some rocks.

“That’s Adam. He signaled us. The men on that other side there then must be them Comancheros. Let’s ride that way and catch them jaspers in a crossfire. The sheriff was agreeable and Hoss’ plan worked. They took several men prisoner and loaded four times as many on horses to bring them to town for burial. There was a sizeable reward on the group because of the plundering and pillaging they had been doing. In fact, there were multiple rewards that could be collected. Adam looked at the others and asked if they wanted any of the money. They shook their heads no.

“Sheriff, these two brave men who came with you can claim the reward if they will agree to give at least half of it to people who have been victimized by outlaws such as these in your area. Is that fair, men?”

“More than fair, mister. Sheriff, we’ll give most of the money away like he said. It’s the right thing to do. We’re glad we don’t have to live in fear of this bunch attacking us and ours ever again.”

There was a lot of cheering and a lot of free drinks offered when they finally arrived in the little town. Word was sent ahead to Denver. They had to spend nearly a week there until Jim was ready to ride and then the ride to Denver was slow, but they were herding the cattle again so it was all right. They had gone out and found all of the bulls except the most cantankerous one and eight of the cows still alive although a few had wounds that had to be treated. It was still a good trip as far as buying stock and the sacrifice of two cows that were killed by Comanchero bullets was something their father would find completely acceptable. Once they reached Denver, Hoss and Joe took the cattle to the stockyards and arranged for shipment to Carson City while Jim went to the government offices to see about Adam’s amnesty. He took Candy with him as Adam sat in a lawyer’s office waiting for them. It was a ruse Jim had suggested and which the lawyer agreed was a good idea.

“This governor is not as prone to grant amnesty as his predecessor. I think he will honor the amnesty papers you have, but just in case, it is a good idea to have someone else with you. If they think it’s Adam, all the better. Adam can stay here in my offices. If they deny the amnesty, we’ll file an injunction against him being arrested or otherwise detained. If they honor the amnesty, Candy can come back here to get Adam so he can go sign any necessary papers.”

The governor did agree to the amnesty because of the defeat of the Comancheros. It was an election year and he couldn’t very well arrest the man who had helped defeat the worst criminal scourge in his state in the previous three years. He was reluctant to do it though and made Adam sign a paper agreeing never to set foot in the state of Colorado again except for travel by train through the state. The lawyer had suggested that one, and Adam agreed that one bit of advice was worth the money he was paying him.

That night, the men rested in a fine hotel after a fine dinner to say goodbye to Jim. Hoss had purchased tickets for the train the next morning. They would be on the same train as the cattle they had purchased. The plan was to leave at eight the next morning.

“Yep, Adam, soon as the east bound train comes in, the west bound train will move off the siding and we’ll be on our way. Seems they got quite a system. East bound goes at night. West bound goes during the day. That way, they never run into each other. Pretty slick, huh?”

“Very slick. Now, who has to share a room with you?”

“Ah, see, when we’re traveling, Joe and Candy always share a room.”

Hoss started laughing at the look on Adam’s face and then Joe started giggling and Candy laughed too until Adam shook his head and sighed.

“Well, let’s go have another drink then. I don’t think I’ve had enough whisky to sleep through your rumbling.”

 

Chapter 10

The next morning, Adam bid Jim farewell and thanked him for all he had done. Jim had finally accepted the promotion to Washington. The bullet in his shoulder was the final bit of convincing he needed. He might never use his arm as well as he needed anyway so a safe job in Washington organizing and directing the Marshal’s Service was more suitable. Jim gave Adam a ride to the train station where he was to meet his brothers and Candy after they got the horses and the cattle loaded for transport.

“Jim, thank you for saving my life.”

“Adam, you more than repaid that favor. Now go on home and have a good life.”

Sighing, Adam was reminded that he had one more hurdle that he dreaded. He didn’t want to see condemnation in his father’s eyes when he told him what he had done. He still could not feel remorse for killing those two men and knew his father would know that. He took a deep breath and turned to walk to where his brothers and Candy waited. He wasn’t looking where he was going because he was lost in thought, but that voice grabbed him and brought him to a sudden stop.

“Son, are you going to walk right past me?”

“Pa?”

Ben wrapped his arms around his eldest son and pulled him close. He didn’t care at that moment that Adam had never liked public displays of affection. He didn’t care that there were people who would likely stare at them. His son was alive and right there in front of him. He couldn’t do anything except hug him. He felt his tears flow and his face grew very wet. He was almost embarrassed to be crying so much until he realized that most of the tears were Adam’s.

“Oh, Pa, I’m so sorry.”

“Adam, it’s all right. Everything is all right.”

“Pa, you don’t know.”

Holding Adam close, Ben whispered to him. “Son, it doesn’t matter. You’re my child, and there is nothing in this world that could make me not love you. I will love you always and unconditionally. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. That love will never end. Son, I believe that with all my heart and I love you. Now I asked Hoss to switch the tickets to a car. We’ll all be together without any strangers who can intrude.”

With an arm around Adam’s shoulders, Ben guided him to the car that Hoss pointed out. Hoss, Joe, and Candy grabbed the saddlebags and saddles, and the luggage that Ben had brought. Once everything was loaded into their car, Ben ushered Adam into the sleeping section leaving the other three men in the comfortable lounge area. Before the train pulled out, Ben stepped back out and told Hoss to have a porter bring coffee, cigars, sandwiches, and a bottle of whisky or brandy. Then he stepped back into the sleeping section closing the door. It was two hours later before he walked out again. He looked a bit haggard and asked for coffee laced with brandy and two sandwiches. He went back in and didn’t return to the main lounge until late afternoon.

“He’s sleeping.” Ben looked over at Hoss. “Apparently he didn’t get much sleep last night. I’m guessing that none of us will if you sleep in there with us so you can have the lounge and we’ll sleep in the bunks in there. The bunks are rather short for you anyway.” Looking at Candy, Ben smiled. “Thank you. Adam says that you are a new but very important friend of his already. He said you helped him by talking to him and you helped him by standing side-by-side with him as he fired on the Comancheros and then rode with him as the two of you had to get away so they wouldn’t overrun you. Thank you, Candy. What you have done is worth more than I can ever repay you.” Returning his gaze to Hoss, Ben smiled. “Adam said you understood without him having to say much. You two always did have a way of doing that.” Then Ben’s gaze shifted to Joe who squirmed a bit under that intense stare. “You don’t have to worry. He didn’t say anything negative, but by your reaction, I know that he could have. He only said that you two are definitely two sides of the same coin but that you both know you’re still connected. No, he spent most of the time telling me what happened and what he did. In great detail. With his reasons. And his great sorrow. He told me how he was too ashamed to face me with what he had done and that he still isn’t sorry for killing those men.”

“Pa, how d’ya feel about that?”

“Hoss, I honestly don’t know. I wish he had found another way, but I know what he means when he says that powerful men like that do not usually face justice, they own justice.”

“What are you going to do now, Pa?”

“Well, Joseph, if you can find a porter who can deliver some hot coffee, I’m going to go sit by Adam. I know he said he has nightmares, but when he was young and had nightmares, he never had them if I sat with him.”

“I didn’t know that Adam had nightmares.”

“Yes, Hoss, for years after Inger was killed, he had nightmares. All I had to do though was to be near him when he did, and then he didn’t.”

“Is that why sometimes, he slept on the floor next to your bed, and I slept in a drawer? I remember that and I always thought it was kinda funny and maybe it never really happened.”

“No, it happened. Not often, but if something rekindled the memory of that attack, the nightmares came back. You rolled around too much to sleep on a blanket on the floor, so we would pull out the biggest drawer and make that up for you to use, and Adam would sleep on a blanket next to you in my bedroom. When he was about ten or so, the nightmares stopped or he stopped telling me about them.”

“Knowing Adam, he probably stopped telling you and just took care of things himself.”

“I’m afraid that may be true, but he needs me now. So, Joseph, if you could please do that, I’m going to go sit with Adam.”

“You don’t have to sit with me. I’m awake. Thank you. I needed a nap, but I don’t want to sleep now. It will make it too difficult to sleep later.”

Hoss and Candy noted the red eyes and haggard look. Adam was emotionally drained and sat in the lounge chair next to where Ben was standing. Automatically, Ben sat in the chair next to him and looked to him to check to see how he was doing and made it clear that he wanted to be at his son’s side. He placed his hand on Adam’s arm and got a wan smile in return. When Joe came back in, he said that a porter would soon be there with coffee and would also bring dinner to their car later. He was surprised when he realized that Adam was sitting with them. Adam made it clear that he needed a break from the previous focus of the conversation.

“So there are a lot of questions that I haven’t had a chance to ask. How did you all meet Candy? What’s new on the Ponderosa? What’s so funny about rabbits?”

Hoss helped too.

“Pa, you coulda knocked me over with a dadblamed feather when you walked up to us on the train platform there. I never expected to see you til we got home.”

“Hoss, I couldn’t wait. When I got that telegram, I started making arrangements to get everything taken care of and finally I was able to buy a ticket. I checked in every town on the way through to make sure I didn’t miss you. I was going to check here when I saw you. You do stand out in a crowd.”

“Well, you shur was a sight for sore eyes, let me tell ya.”

The rest of the conversation and the many that followed were about the Ponderosa, about women, about cattle drives and trips to California, and myriad other topics. The break for Adam lasted for weeks. When they were home, Hop Sing was joyful and did his best to fix meals that would get Adam to eat more. Ben spent as much time as he could with his oldest son riding around the ranch and showing him the improvements that had been made. Adam went into town with Hoss and Joe on Saturday nights but usually rode home much earlier than they did. He went with them to church on Sunday mornings. He and Candy got in the habit of playing chess. Adam had at first been surprised to find Candy living in the main house, but liked the man so much and began to think of him as a friend and almost as a brother. There was always a chess game in progress between the two and no one dared touch that table when they had left a match in progress. Joe had moved some pieces around one day as a joke and had two dark haired men staring daggers at him at dinner.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. All right, I’ll never do it again. It is only a game, you know.”

“It is a test of minds, and right now I was really testing your older brother. I’ll find it very difficult to forgive you if you’ve ruined my chance to best him in this one.”

“That last gambit sank your chances anyway. I can probably take you in ten moves now.”

“Oh, yeah, well, we’ll see about that.” And the others rolled their eyes as Adam and Candy dominated the conversation with chess moves and gambits until Hop Sing mercifully brought out the main course and silence reigned as the men speared steaks and dished up potatoes and green beans.

Life was returning to normal or so it seemed except for some nocturnal sojourns by Adam. Sometimes at night, Hoss noted that Adam left his room with a blanket and went out into the dark. The first night, he followed him and found him resting up against a tree staring into the night.

“What’s wrong, older brother?”

“Nothing’s wrong, Hoss. I need to be out here when I feel like this. Sometimes I feel cooped up when I’m inside. I need to feel that I’m free.”

“Would you mind some company?”

“Of course I wouldn’t mind, but there’s no need for you to lose sleep. I’m all right, and I’ll come back inside when I think I can sleep.”

Hoss had stayed that night but found that Adam wasn’t interested in talking. After a couple of hours, he did as he said he would. He stood, stretched, and reached out a hand to help Hoss stand. Hoss was stiff and sore the next morning and didn’t know what to say when their father asked why. He said he must have spent some time in an awkward position the night before and Ben accepted that saying he had done that on occasion too. Each night that it happened, Hoss stayed awake until he heard Adam return. He wasn’t comfortable sleeping knowing that Adam was out in the dark and probably remembering terrible things, but he didn’t know how to help him. Finally he brought up the issue with his father first asking him to keep what was said completely confidential.

“Yes, Hoss, I certainly can keep what you say ‘buttoned up tighter than a coon dog on the scent of ten coons’. Now what is it that’s so important that I need to do that?”

So Hoss told Ben of the late night sojourns of Adam out into the dark. He had no answers either so then there were two of them staying awake until Adam returned on those nights. Finally, Ben stopped in at Doctor Martin’s office to talk with him about it. Paul wanted to know everything and it was probably two hours before Ben was done explaining everything that he knew and also answering all of Paul’s questions.

“Ben, I think Adam is coping very well. He’s found a way to deal with the stress. He’s making new friends. He’s not striking out in anger. He’s working, eating, and sleeping on a reasonably normal schedule. I’ve seen him here in town. He does look like he’s been through a lot, but I have to say he looks healthy enough. He’s put on weight since he got back home. Now if you could convince him to try out a few more social activities, that might help, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s ready to do that anyway.”

“You think he’s fine even though he wanders out into the dark every couple of nights?”

“Ben, he has a lot of terrible memories that probably invade his dreams. He goes outside to get away from the feeling of being confined. He was confined that night in a most horrible situation. Now I don’t find it at all surprising that he finds that at times he wants to get outside. Many people have problems sleeping. He’s found a solution that works for him.”

“Do you think that he’ll get over it?”

“I think that in time he won’t need to do it as much or maybe only rarely, but it may be a thing that he finds comforting and may continue to do it. It’s not such an unusual way for a man to deal with stress. You must remember being married and storming out of the house a time or two?” Ben smiled sheepishly. “It’s a lot like that. He’s getting away from the situation that he finds uncomfortable until he’s ready to face it. Then he comes back and he’s fine.”

Ben went home and reassured Hoss that there was nothing to worry about, but of course they continued to worry but less and less because Paul’s predictions came true. Adam did continue to do those nightly forays into the dark but if was less and less frequent, and he began to attend dances and parties as well as picnics. He began to be invited to the homes of friends. At a dance, Hoss and Joe walked up to Candy and asked if he had seen Adam.

“He walked out of here with the seamstress who came to town about a month ago.”

“Dang, and I wanted a dance with her too. She’s a right purty one.”

“Your brother had a dance with her, and then I think he danced every dance with her until they walked out into the night.”

“Well, how long ago was that?”

“Oh, about a half hour if my reckoning is correct.”

“A half-hour. Joe, you better get ready. We might be looking at a wedding in the near future if our brother had her out there for a half-hour.”

It was another hour before Adam returned. The dance was winding down and he entered the dance hall alone. Hoss announced it was time to get going so that they could get back at a reasonable hour because their father had said he expected that they would all be going to church the next day. Joe had some questions though.

“Where’s the lady, Adam? By the way, it wasn’t fair for you to monopolize her like that. We all wanted a chance to dance with her.”

“Little brother, it’s up to a lady to choose her dance partner, and she chose me.”

“Well, where is she? Maybe after spending time with you, she’s ready for a younger man with some dash and fun in him.”

“I walked her to her home. She’s rented a shop with an apartment in the back.”

“Oh, yeah, but Adam, didja get ta kiss her before ya come back here?”

“Hoss, it is not polite to talk about whether a lady kisses or not especially on the first night she is with a gentleman.”

Candy had been quiet as the men walked to the livery stable to get their horses. He stopped though and put a hand on Adam’s shoulder stopping him. Hoss and Joe stopped too wondering what he had to say that demanded such a serious reaction.

“Adam, next time, you don’t have to say anything about that, but I have to tell you this. Pay attention so things aren’t so damn obvious. Don’t put your shirt back on inside out.”

Caught completely off-guard, Adam looked down at his shirt and Candy burst out laughing. Hoss and Joe caught on immediately. Hoss couldn’t control the huge belly laughs and Joe nearly fell in the street with a fit of the giggles. Adam’s look of embarrassment and being caught out was perfect. He shook his head at all three of them and did his best to muster some pride and turned to walk to the stable leaving the other three to enjoy their merriment at his expense. He did have a smile though. It had been a wonderful night, and he did enjoy the sound of laughter.

Changes had been happening, and Adam realized that he was no longer remembering all that had happened in the past. He was looking forward to spending time with his new friend. They were going to meet at church the next day and spend the afternoon together. He had a chess match going with Candy as the younger man gained in skill and stretched their matches out over a week or more. He and Hoss were planning a hunting trip, and he was working at breaking some horses with Joe. His father was discussing how they could better utilize their timber and the two of them were planning a trip to San Francisco to work on some contracts with the railroads for some new trestles. Adam hadn’t been involved in negotiations for so long that Ben thought that reintroducing him was a good idea, but after that trip he expected Adam to take over contracts and bidding for the Ponderosa on all timber business. Adam smiled again as he realized that he was looking only to the future not back at the past which he could not change.

Note:  thank you to the The Young Riders “Requiem for a Hero” for the shooting contest and the idea about the rifle gift.

 

Tags:  Adam Cartwright, Ben Cartwright, Candy Canaday, Family, Hoss Cartwright, Joe / Little Joe Cartwright