Six Candles (by JoanS)

Summary:  A snapshot of each of the Cartwright boys on their sixth birthdays

Rated: K+ (4,765 words)

 

Six Candles

Adam stared solemnly at the cake in front of him, then looked up at Inger and smiled as his dark eyes danced with a light that Ben had only recently come to notice.  The boy was a naturally quiet and reserved child and very responsible for his age, and had a way of taking life far too seriously for a boy so young. He really had had no choice though, Ben mused.  It was as if the youngster sensed that his father had needed him to cause as little trouble as possible.

 

 

 

It seemed to Ben that life had always been difficult for Adam.  Just the two of them on the road, making out as best they could with little or no money and only each other to rely on.  Strange that Ben should have felt that way about the boy, but for as long as he could remember it was true.  They were more than father and son, they were companions on their journey together.  They were the only company either of them had for long periods of time, and Adam had grown up used to the idea that his father needed him to be sensible and mature beyond his years.

 

 

 

Ben was certain he could not have coped if Adam had been anything less. There were many times when Ben had taken work just to put the food in their mouths, and Adam had coped with whatever arrangements his father had been able to make for him without complaining since he was a toddler. Thank God all that was now over! For Ben now had someone on whom he could utterly rely to help with raise his small boy, someone whom they had both come to love dearly.

 

 

 

Ben’s angel had appeared in the form of his wonderful wife who was now standing next to him nursing their baby son Eric – or Hoss as they had come to call him. Inger had appeared just when they had needed her, and brought a new dimension to both their lives. She had helped this solemn little boy to open up and act like the child that he really was instead of the miniature adult that he was in danger of becoming.

 

 

 

Adam’s birthday had always been a difficult day for Ben, for it was also the anniversary of his mother’s death.  It always had been and always would be, there was no getting away from the fact.  Ben always had an ache in his heart for his darling Elizabeth on this day, and had to remind himself that it wasn’t the child’s fault.  Perhaps that was why he made especially sure that the day would be one for celebration.

 

 

 

This year it had been easier.  His darling Inger had seen to that.  Finding her had eased the pain considerably, and Ben discovered for the first time that he could hold onto memories without the pain that had always been there with them. He hoped that it was beginning to be like that for Adam as well.  From the look on the boy’s face it seemed to Ben that it was quite likely.

 

 

 

Ben put his arm around Inger’s waist and smiled at her. ‘Where on earth had she found the ingredients to surprise the boy with a cake?’ Ben wondered as he watched his son fondly. Adam had never really had a proper birthday celebration before.  His father had had enough problems putting food into their mouths without the added expense of a cake and presents, but he had always tried to mark the day in some way with something special. Sometimes it was something as simple as taking the day off work and fishing with his son, but Ben always made sure that Adam knew the day was his.

 

 

 

Inger shifted her weight slightly as the baby on her hip squirmed.  Ben smiled down at his youngest boy and held out his arms to take him from his wife.  As he held him up in front of him, he marvelled at the size of the baby, only one month old yet as large and alert as many infants many times his age.  Baby Eric was a happy infant and had so far given them not one moment of trouble. Born out here on the open plains he was destined to become a child of the land, Ben felt sure.

 

 

 

Suddenly, a movement behind them caused Ben to turn quickly. Out of the shadows came Jake Dunn one of their travelling companions.  ‘Ben, could I see you for a moment?’ he asked quietly and gave him a meaningful glance.  Ben smiled at his wife and boy as he nodded.  ‘I’ll just be a minute,’ he explained, and stepped out of the light of the campfire to speak to the man.

 

 

 

Inger watched him with a worried expression on her face, then turned quickly to Adam as she said ‘We will wait for papa before we have the candles, yes? Unwrap your present now my little one.’  Adam eagerly clutched the small parcel that she held towards him, and his face lit up as he unwrapped it to reveal a picture book. Inger smiled at his reaction, thankful that the boy could not possibly know that it was not new.  She had traded it for a small scoop of flour from their meagre stores with another family in the wagon train who had several older children and had no further use for the book.  She knew how Adam loved such things, and would have traded twice the amount just to see that happy expression on his face.

 

 

 

As they sat looking at the pictures together Ben returned and sat next to them, baby Hoss still on his arm.  ‘Jake says he wasn’t able to find any waterholes up ahead after all.’ He said quietly.  Inger frowned at him.  It had not rained for weeks, and water was in very short supply.  All the travellers had put their hopes on the small band of men who had ridden ahead to find a fresh supply but now they had come back empty handed things were looking grim indeed.

 

 

 

‘So what can we do now?’ Inger whispered, not wanting Adam to hear.

 

 

 

Ben shook his head and sighed. ‘We’ll have to start rationing supplies immediately.’ He replied. ‘No washing at all and the horses will have to do without.’

 

 

 

‘How long can they last?’ asked his wife.

 

 

 

Ben shrugged his shoulders and stared up at the stars in the cloudless sky.  ‘It’s my fault,’ he said quietly, ‘I should never have insisted that we start out when we did.  We could have joined another group and come through later in the year.’

 

 

 

‘And then we would have faced the freezing snows and winds.’ Inger replied. ‘No my husband, there are dangers in making this journey at any time.  God will look after us, of that I am sure.’

 

 

 

Adam had caught snippets of the conversation between his parents, and looked up into his father’s face with his large dark eyes. ‘Papa,’ he asked, ‘don’t we have any water left to drink?’

 

 

 

Ben looked down at his son, startled.  He had forgotten just how aware the boy could be. ‘Of course we do Adam, we just have to make sure that we don’t waste any before it rains again or before we find another waterhole, that’s all.’ He patted the boy on the head.

 

 

 

Adam continued to stare at his father. ‘Then we should ask God to give us some rain, just like mama says, shouldn’t we?’

 

 

 

Ben smiled at him. ‘I think that mightn’t be a bad idea, son.’

 

 

 

‘Mama?’

 

 

 

‘Yes my little one?’

 

 

 

‘Remember how you told me that I get a wish when I blow out my birthday candles?’

 

 

 

‘Yes.’

 

 

 

‘Well maybe God will send us some rain if I make that my special birthday wish.’

 

 

 

‘Oh no, Adam, you must use that wish for something for yourself.  We only get one birthday wish a year, and God expects us to ask for something just for ourselves with it. You must use it for yourself alone.’

 

 

 

Ben lowered his head as he listened to the conversation between his wife and son. Once again, Adam was learning to cope in an adult world.  He was a six year-old child proposing to use his wish for something that was beyond the control of all the adults in the group.  In other circumstances he should not even be aware of such a situation, much less trying to do something about it.  Where had his son’s childhood gone? Ben wondered. Just as the child in him was beginning to emerge, he was being forced back into an adult world by the circumstances surrounding them.

 

 

 

‘What a beautiful book.’ Ben reached for it, trying to deflect his son’s attention from their conversation. ‘We’ll have to have a good look at it later, and you might be able to practise some of the words.’ Ben knew how much his boy loved to learn and a book of his own would be truly a treasured item.

 

 

 

But Adam was not to be distracted. ‘But mama I have everything I need, I’ve got papa and you and baby Hoss.  Why can’t I use my wish for the rain?’

 

 

 

Ben’s heart swelled with pride when he heard his son’s remark.  The boy was right. What did it matter if he couldn’t give his son material things? The only thing that mattered was that they had each other. What more could they need?

 

 

 

Inger smiled at him before replying to Adam. ‘Well if you are sure my little one, then yes you may use your wish for whatever you think is best.’

 

 

 

Ben bent forward and removed a small twig from the campfire, then used it to light the candles on the cake.  He put his arm around his wife and held his baby son tightly in his other arm as he sent up a silent prayer to God asking that all would be well for them.

 

 

 

Ben smiled down at the small face in front of him and whispered ‘Blow out the candles son.’  Six candles flickered brightly on the cake as the small boy shut his eyes and made a wish.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

————————-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘This is the best birthday ever!’ announced Hoss as he eyed the huge chocolate cake in front of him and licked his lips. Ben watched with concern as behind the boy his older brother Adam scowled when their stepmother Marie bent down and kissed his younger brother.

 

 

 

‘I’m glad you think so darling.’ she whispered to him as Hoss put his arms around her neck and hugged her. ‘Would you like to open your presents now?’  Hoss nodded eagerly and Ben smiled at him.  Trust Marie to make this day special for him.  Ben felt a twinge of guilt.  Life had been so hard for his two boys during the last few years, and although he had tried to do his best for them they had missed a woman’s touch in their lives.  Since Hoss’ mother Inger had died when he was just a few months old Ben had had to be both father and mother to his boys and it had been extremely hard for them all to cope.

 

 

 

Now that Marie had come into their lives things were beginning to settle down for them all.  His ranch was beginning to become prosperous and with that prosperity came the ability to give his boys some of the material things they had missed in their earlier years.  He hoped that Hoss’ birthday was a sign of good times to come.

 

 

 

Marie had organised a beautiful cake for the boy and the table was piled high with presents.  Hoss could hardly believe that all this fuss was for him!  Yes, thought Ben, things were definitely looking up for the Cartwright family now.  A beautiful wife, two growing healthy boys and another baby on the way – what more could any man want in his life?

 

 

 

His eyes darted back again to his older boy Adam and he knew that there was still one thing needed to make this day complete.  Adam was determined not to join in with the festivities because Marie had been the one who had organised all this for Hoss.  He greatly resented his new stepmother, and saw her presence as an intrusion into their lives.  If only the boy would allow himself to get to know her, thought Ben, he would soon come to realise the wonderful person that she was.  He frowned at Adam and motioned towards the table with his arm.

 

 

 

Adam saw the look his father gave him, and drew closer to the family group.  He didn’t want to spoil this day for his little brother, but he just found it so difficult to be a part of something when she was involved. ‘Just look at her!’ he thought to himself. ‘Who does she think she is?  She’s not Hoss’ mother and she’s not mine either, so why does she think she can act like she is?  Just because she’s having one of her own, she thinks we’re all going to fall at her feet or something.’  He turned his back on Marie and spoke to his brother.

 

 

 

‘Here you go Hoss, happy birthday.’  He handed his brother a parcel.

 

 

 

Hoss grabbed it eagerly and unwrapped it.  ‘Wow, thanks Adam!’ he exclaimed as he realised what it was. Adam had carefully chosen something that he knew his little brother would admire.  A leather belt complete with a buckle that had a horse engraved on it.  He had saved his allowance for a whole month in order to buy it.

 

 

 

‘Marie held out her hand and touched the buckle. ‘Adam, it’s beautiful.  May I see it Hoss?’  The boy handed it to her. ‘It’s beautiful workmanship. Where did you buy it in town?’ she asked.

 

 

 

Adam scowled at her and snatched the belt out of her hand. ‘I gave it to my brother, not you!’ he yelled. ‘Don’t touch it!’

 

 

 

‘Adam!’ said his father, but Marie placed a restraining hand on his arm.

 

 

 

Adam threw the belt on the table and turned on his heel. As he strode towards the front door, Hoss called out to him. ‘Adam, come back.  We haven’t had the cake yet.’  He turned to his father, tears glistening in his eyes. ‘Pa what’s wrong with Adam? Why won’t he stay for my birthday cake?’

 

 

 

Pa put his arm around his boy as he replied. ‘Hoss, Adam doesn’t mean to spoil your birthday, he just needs to get used to some of the changes that have been happening around here, that’s all.’  He looked meaningfully at Marie over the top of his son’s head.

 

 

 

‘But Pa he’s always angry lately.  I don’t want him to be like that, specially on my birthday.’

 

 

 

Marie leaned down and looked at her youngest stepson closely ‘Why don’t you tell him that Hoss?’ she asked. ‘I think he might need to hear it.’

 

 

 

‘All right, I will.’

 

 

 

Adam sat on the edge of the front porch and looked at the sky filled with stars.  As he heard the door close behind him, he thought ‘Here we go again, another lecture from Pa.’ He was surprised to see not his father come to sit beside him, but his little brother.

 

 

 

‘What’s wrong Adam, ain’t ya having a good time at my party?’ the boy asked. When his older brother did not answer, he continued. ‘Why don’t you like Marie?’

 

 

 

Adam frowned at him. ‘I like her just fine. Don’t worry about it Hoss.’

 

 

 

‘No ya don’t. You’re always mean to her.’ Adam stared at his brother. ‘She just wants us to like her, and she tries to be nice to us.’ Hoss continued. ‘Why don’t you let her Adam?’

 

 

 

‘She just wants to take over as our mother, and she’s not!’ Adam replied.

 

 

 

‘No Adam I’m not your mother’ said Marie from behind the boys as she joined them on the porch. ‘But I am going to be the mother of your little brother or sister, and I was hoping that might help us to be closer to each other.’  Adam frowned at her as she sat down on the chair behind them. ‘Hoss you have more presents waiting for you inside, why don’t you go in to your Pa and unwrap them with him?’  Hoss beamed at her and did as she suggested.

 

 

 

Marie addressed her older stepson. ‘Adam I don’t feel you are being fair to Hoss. You’re spoiling his birthday for him.’ Adam sat silently.  ‘ You know I was hoping that we could end up being friends.  Hoss seems to accept me, don’t you think you could try to as well?’ Adam shrugged his shoulders and continued to stare at the stars. ‘You know your father …..’  Marie stopped suddenly.

 

 

 

Adam glanced at his stepmother as she sat in silence with her hands on her stomach. After a moment he asked ‘What’s the matter?’

 

 

 

‘Nothing. It just that this little one likes to bounce around a bit sometimes. It takes me by surprise.’  Marie laughed as she stroked the bump on her lap. ‘Your father says it’s impatient to see the world.’  Adam stared at her. Suddenly she leant forward and clutched hold of his hand and placed it on her stomach. ‘There, can you feel it?’

 

 

 

Adam nodded, fascinated by the fluttering feeling beneath his hand. ‘Does it do that a lot?’ he asked.

 

 

 

‘Just enough to keep me awake at night.  I think this little brother or sister of yours is going to keep us all on our toes.’ She let go of Adam’s hand but he did not move it. ‘Adam I know you are very close to Hoss, I was hoping that you might feel just as close to this little one when it arrives. My baby is going to need it’s big brother to look out for it.’

 

 

 

Adam sat quietly thinking for a moment.  After a while he said. ‘I’ve got nothing against that baby.’

 

 

 

‘But you do against me, don’t you?’ Marie asked. When he didn’t answer she continued. ‘Adam your father and I love each other very much, and when I married him I made a decision to love both you and your brother as well.  I’m glad that Hoss feels the way about me that he does, and I just wish that you and I could come to an understanding. I don’t expect you to accept me as a mother, but I was hoping we could become friends.’

 

 

 

Adam shrugged his shoulders.  ‘I’ve got plenty of friends. I don’t need you.’

 

 

 

‘Well you may not need me, but I need you.’ his stepmother replied. Adam looked at her in surprise. ‘I need you to help me fit into this family, I need you to help your father and Hoss, and I need you for my baby’s sake.  Can’t we at least try?’

 

 

 

‘I dunno.’

 

 

 

‘It would make your father very happy.  Don’t you think he deserves to be?’

 

 

 

Adam nodded. ‘Yes.’

 

 

 

‘And what about Hoss?  This is his special day.  Don’t spoil it for him. You of all people should know just how much he’s been looking forward to this.’

 

 

 

Just at that moment, Hoss burst through the door again. ‘Pa says that we have to have the cake before the candles burn down. He says that you two need to stop talking now.’

 

 

 

Marie laughed. ‘Well then, we’d better come inside hadn’t we?’  She stood up and held out her hand to Adam. ‘Coming?’

 

 

 

Adam stood and hesitated before he took his stepmother’s hand, then they walked back into the house together.  Ben raised an eyebrow at Marie as the two of them approached the table, and she nodded at him.  He breathed a sigh of relief as his wife and son sat at the table on either side of him.  He thought about them both. They were two very stubborn people who were constantly locked in a battle of wills.  No doubt it would not be the last time.

 

 

 

‘Well come on now Hoss, if you want to sample this wonderful cake you’d better get a move on with those candles.’ his father said. Hoss sat at the head of the table and grinned at all his loved ones around him. His world was once again complete.

 

 

 

 Ben smiled down at the small face in front of him and whispered ‘Blow out the candles son.’ Six candles flickered brightly on the cake as the small boy shut his eyes and made a wish.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

————————-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ben shook his head in disbelief and stared at the scene in front of him.

 

 

 

‘How could I have forgotten today?’  he mused. ‘Thank God for Adam.’  For as usual his eldest son had not let him down. Adam had asked Hop Sing to make this beautiful birthday cake for Little Joe and had even decorated the table for him. Now the whole family was clustered around the table determined to make the little boy’s birthday a happy occasion.

 

 

 

How hard Ben was finding all of this and how he ached for Marie to be a part of this day! It surely could not have been six months already since she had gone from their lives so abruptly.  It felt like just yesterday that she was there with them all, laughing and filling the house with her warmth and vitality.  She had been such a wonderful mother to the boys and they all missed her so much. Ben closed his eyes and concentrated for a moment on her smile.  It was almost as if he could smell her near him, almost as if he could reach out and …..

 

 

 

‘Pa, ain’t that right?’

 

 

 

Ben was shaken out of his dream by the insistent voice of his youngest son sitting next to him at the table.  He forced himself to smile and asked ‘What son?’

 

 

 

Little Joe frowned at him and repeated his question. ‘If I’m six then I’m old enough to ride to school by myself now.’

 

 

 

Ben ruffled the curly head absentmindedly as his son looked up at him hopefully. ‘Not for a while longer Little Joe.’  He looked at the boy and swallowed.  It was so painful at times to look at this child, for every time he did so he saw his mother. He saw it in the bright green eyes, the curly hair, the profile and the way he tilted his head when he spoke.  It was so tangible that it was like a stab through Ben’s heart. He closed his eyes again and saw his precious Marie before him, so full of life and warmth.  She couldn’t be dead! He couldn’t accept that she was…..

 

 

 

Adam leant over and whispered in Little Joe’s ear. ‘What about your presents?’

 

 

 

Little Joe took his attention away from his father and gleefully turned back to the table where a number of packages awaited him.  He grabbed the first one and squealed with delight as he opened it to reveal a box of wooden soldiers.  ‘Look Pa, they match my other ones, except these ones are dressed in blue not red.’  Ben nodded silently and glanced at Adam.  What a thoughtful brother he was.  He must have ordered the soldiers some time ago, as Little Joe’s original ones had come from San Francisco and these ones matched perfectly.  Ben remembered when he had bought the originals for the boy.  It was two years ago when the whole family had spent a week in the city while he had been on a business trip there.  Marie had insisted on them all accompanying him, even Little Joe.  He could still remember her saying to him …..

 

 

 

He was interrupted again by another squeal.  ‘Thanks Hoss!  Look Pa, a real leather holder just like Hoss’ one.  I can use it to put my knife in …..when I get one.’ he added hastily while looking at his father. Little Joe knew the argument for a knife was one that he had lost many times before, but he never gave up trying.  Maybe one day his Pa would listen.  Ben patted him on the shoulder absently.

 

 

 

Adam glanced at his father and noticed the set jaw and the furrowed lines around his eyes.  He had hoped that the celebration for Little Joe’s birthday might have helped, but it didn’t seem to be doing the trick at all. He sighed.  It was difficult to know just how to treat his father or what to do for him.  On the one hand Adam felt desperately sorry for him, but on the other hand he was very tired of trying to hold everything together while Ben continued to retreat from the three of them.

 

 

 

Adam knew his younger brothers really needed their Pa, as he admitted he did himself.  The last six months life had been really hard for all of them, and his father just didn’t seem to be able to cope with any of it at all.  He had retreated into a world of his own, privately grieving for the woman whom he had loved so dearly.  What Adam resented was the fact that his father didn’t seem to realise just how much they were all grieving as well.  He glanced at Hoss sitting across the table from him.  The boy was smiling at his little brother, glad that the youngster was enjoying himself for a change.

 

 

 

Hoss knew that his father was desperately unhappy, but was not old enough to know how to help him at all.  At twelve, he had struggled to contain his own grief at the loss of the only woman he had ever known to give him a mother’s love, and the shock of losing her made him ache for his father’s attention.  Looking at his father now, he was puzzled as to why he didn’t react to this party as Hoss felt he should.  He seemed preoccupied with his own thoughts as had become the norm for him.  Didn’t his Pa know how much they all needed him, how much Little Joe needed him in particular?

 

 

 

Little Joe gazed up at his father expectantly, and Hoss knew what was in his little brother’s mind.  Their Pa had always promised that he would give the boy a pony of his own on his sixth birthday, and Little Joe was obviously expecting his gift now.  Hoss swallowed and looked at Adam pleadingly.  Their Pa had not remembered the boy’s birthday at all, so how on earth could he have remembered his present?

 

 

 

Adam smiled at his youngest brother and handed him another parcel.  ‘Here you go Little Joe, this one’s from Pa.’ Ben looked up startled as he heard the words spoken.  What was Adam saying?  He looked at his oldest son and recollection dawned in his eyes.  Not only had Adam organised this party for his little brother, but he also purchased a present from his father for the little boy.  Ben lowered his head and held back his tears of shame.

 

 

 

What kind of father was he, and how could it have come to this?  He was not being fair to his boys he knew that, but he had just not seemed to be able to help it.  He looked at Adam and felt a huge surge of pride.  The boy had managed to hold this family together under very difficult circumstances, and Ben hadn’t been there for him at all.  He hadn’t been there for any of them, and they were hurting.

 

 

 

Little Joe frowned at his father.  Why was his Pa just sitting there?  Joe had been so excited about his birthday, because he wanted his Pa to give him the attention that he used to.  Yet it seemed that this day was going to be no different to any other.  Little Joe ached for his father’s touch, but all he got lately were the absent-minded pats that he was coming now to expect as normal.  And now it seemed that his Pa had even forgotten his promise of a pony.  The little boy blinked back tears of disappointment and reached out for the parcel that Adam held out to him. ‘Thank you Pa.’ he said politely in a small voice.

 

 

 

Ben watched as his little boy unwrapped the parcel to reveal a pile of picture books.  He noticed the boy’s quiet manner as he laid them aside and turned to his older brother.  ‘Can we have the cake now, Adam?’ he asked in the same small voice.

 

 

 

If only his mother was here, Ben thought.  Then everything would be all right again with his family.  Marie would have made the day so special for their child.  She would have known just what the boy wanted for his birthday and had a special present for him.  Ben jerked with a start as he remembered a day months ago just before she had died, when they had been shopping in Virginia City.  Marie had found something that she knew Little Joe would have loved.  Hadn’t she put it away for this very day?  He stood up abruptly from the table.  ‘I’ll be back in a moment boys.’ he said and walked to the staircase.

 

 

 

Adam watched him go with mounting anger.  He knew how difficult this was for his father, but could not help but consider how unfair he was being to Little Joe.  His youngest brother was sitting with tears in his eyes while he watched his father leave the room.  He turned to Adam. ‘Where’s Pa going Adam?  Doesn’t he even want to have some birthday cake?’

 

 

 

Adam sat down at the table and lifted his little brother onto his knee.  ‘Of course he does, buddy.  He probably isn’t feeling very well just now, so maybe we’d better have it without him and save him some.’

 

 

 

Little Joe nodded, his disappointment evident in his face. He fingered the pile of books in front of him.

 

 

 

‘Do you like your present?’ asked Hoss, trying to divert his attention. Little Joe nodded silently.

 

 

 

‘Maybe tonight I’ll read you a story from one of the books before you go to bed.’ suggested Adam.

 

 

 

Little Joe nodded again, then looked at his older brother as he asked  ‘Adam, doesn’t Pa like me anymore?’

 

 

 

Adam frowned at him. ‘Of course he does, Little Joe!  He loves you, just like he does all of us.’

 

 

 

‘Then why?’

 

 

 

Adam hated asking the question.  ‘Why what?’

 

 

 

‘Why didn’t he give me a pony like he always promised?’

 

 

 

Adam sat silently not knowing what to answer, his anger with his father mounting by the minute.  After a few moments he said ‘I just don’t know buddy, I guess he forgot.’

 

 

 

Little Joe burrowed his head into his brother’s chest.  ‘Can we have the cake later?  I don’t feel like any now.’

 

 

 

Upstairs, Ben sat on his bed staring at the brown paper parcel in his hand.  He had found it at the back of the top drawer where Marie had always kept her bits and pieces.  He remembered so very clearly now the day she had lovingly placed it there in readiness for their son’s next birthday, to go with the pony that they had planned on giving him. Ben hung his head and wept tears of shame.  How could he have done this to his son? Marie would be so angry with him if she were here now.

 

 

 

But she wasn’t here, and that’s what was going to make this so difficult.  His beloved Marie had been killed that day whilst riding her horse, and here he was about to give his son a present that would encourage him to perhaps go and take the same risks that she had.  How could he do it?  How could he risk the last link that he had with her?  He knew his little boy was disappointed in him because he had not kept the promise he had made to him. But how could he do that now?

 

 

 

He thought of the green eyes turned up towards him and cringed at the memory of what he had seen in them.  He thought of his other two sons, trying to be so brave without him. He stood up with the package still in his hand and walked to the door. It was time to confront the pain and move forward again for the sake of his three boys and himself.

 

 

 

As Ben reached the bottom of the stairs he paused and stared at the sight before him.  Little Joe was seated on Adam’s lap, and Hoss was next to them on the settee while Adam read to them both.  Ben walked over to his boys and sat down.

 

 

 

‘Come here Little Joe.’ he said as he held out his arms to his youngest boy. ‘I have something for you.’

 

 

 

Little Joe looked at his father solemnly. ‘What is it Pa?’ he asked.

 

 

 

‘Come and see.’ Ben held out the small wrapped gift.

 

 

 

Little Joe looked at it, a smile slowly spreading across his young face. ‘Another present?’ he asked as he bounced off Adam’s lap and onto his father’s.

 

 

 

‘Yes’ said Ben and handed him the small parcel.  Little Joe tore off the paper to reveal a small bridle.  ‘It’s for that pony I promised you. We’ll go out after lunch to pick him out.’

 

 

 

Little Joe looked up at his father, his green eyes shining. ‘Thanks Pa! Really? Can I name him myself?’

 

 

 

‘Of course you can, he’ll be your pony won’t he?’ said Ben as he hugged the little boy tightly.  Over the top of the curly head he smiled at Hoss who returned his look with a huge grin.  ‘Now let’s get to that cake boys, before the candles all burn out!’

 

 

 

Ben picked up Little Joe and placed him on a chair at the table.  As they clustered around the small boy, he put his arm around Adam’s shoulders and squeezed him tightly. ‘Thank you son.’ he whispered, and Adam held himself in his father’s embrace for a few moments before they both turned back towards the table.

 

 

 

Ben smiled down at the small face in front of him and whispered ‘Blow out the candles son.’ Six candles flickered brightly on the cake as the small boy shut his eyes and made a wish.

 

The End

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Author: JoanS

From her Australian base, Joan is one of the most prolific early-era writers of Bonanza Fanfiction. Her stories center around the family, and their relationships with each other during the years before A Rose for Lotta. Brand is proud to announce that in March, 2026, Joan has granted permission for the Brand Library to be the home for her stories, making them available to all readers as part of our Preserving Their Legacy Project. Previously, her stories were only available via request; though a limited number were available in the Brand Library. Welcome to Brand JoanS!

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