Summary:  A trip for Ben and ten year old Little Joe takes an unexpected turn

Rated: K (21,260 words)

 

Journey Worth Remembering

Dedicated to 

Lisa who gave me the idea for the story

and the encouragement to write it

                                                                                            *****

 

Ben Cartwright rubbed his head wearily and sighed as he studied the papers on the desk in front of him.  He wondered why life never seemed to allow problems one at a time, but seemed to deal them out in batches until it seemed like you couldn’t see daylight any more.  It had been a difficult month all around on the Ponderosa, what with the incessant rain right at roundup time and the unexpected problems he had encountered with the army contracts.

 

 

 

He sighed again and wondered what he’d do without his two older boys to help.  Adam had single-handedly organised the men for him to leave his father time to deal with the Army and now that Hoss had left school and started working on the ranch full-time he had shown great support as well.  Yes, he was a lucky man to have two such reliable sons.  He was grateful that Adam was back from College again.  Ben had really missed his eldest son during the last four years in many ways.  Not only his companionship, but his support on the ranch as well.

 

 

 

Adam had come back from the East a few months ago and Ben was only now realising just what a contribution his son was capable of making to The Ponderosa.  He had always been a clear thinker and a boy with the ideas and commitment to help make the ranch a success, but now he had added another dimension as well.  He was proving himself to be a man with a business sense and a drive equal to none that Ben had ever witnessed.  During the past weeks he had, supported by Hoss, shown this time and time again.  Ben looked forward to the day when he could step back a little and take things a bit easier and with the promise that Adam was showing he thought that maybe that day wouldn’t be far away.

 

 

 

Hoss also had the makings of a fine rancher.  He had spent the past year begging his father to allow him to leave school to prove how useful he could be and Ben had finally given in.  It was obvious that Hoss wasn’t going to follow in his older brother’s footsteps and further his education beyond the classroom, but he sure was proving himself to be a practical and committed help to his father.  His knowledge of the ranch was astounding and he had a love for the work that made it second nature to him.

 

 

 

Ben wondered how his third boy would shape up in years to come.  Joseph was only ten and still too young to be much help around the ranch, but he was already showing signs of an interest in all that went on and a desire to be a part of it.  Ben felt that given time the boy would be just as much support to him as his two older brothers.  In the meantime Ben was content to let him be a boy and find his way to manhood.  Ben frowned.  That’s if he ever makes it! he thought as he glanced at the note on the side of his desk. 

 

 

 

Ben shook his head and tried to concentrate on the other papers again.  There would be time later to deal with his youngest son and until he made it home from school he was wasting his time thinking about it.  He picked up the contracts and began to study them.  There had to be a way to solve this problem! All his work during the past weeks couldn’t be for nothing!

 

 

 

Ben looked up as the front door opened and Adam entered.  ‘Hi Pa,’ he said. ‘I wanted to let you know that we’ve got the herd ready.  Hoss is down with the men making sure we’re ready to go.’

 

 

 

Ben looked at his eldest son thoughtfully for a moment. ‘Good,’ he said simply.

 

 

 

Adam looked at him surprised. ‘What’s the matter Pa?  I thought you’d be pleased that we’re finally able to start.’

 

 

 

Ben tried to smile. ‘I am son,’ he said.  ‘After all the rain we’ve had in the past few weeks I thought we’d never get there.  That stock has to get to Carson City and there’s no putting it off any longer.  I just hope the weather holds long enough for you and Hoss to get them there.’

 

 

 

‘Hoss thinks it will,’ replied Adam.  ‘And you know he’s very rarely wrong about things like that.’ He studied his father’s face for a moment. ‘There’s something else you’re not telling me Pa.  What is it?’

 

 

 

Ben sighed and pointed to the contracts in front of him. ‘The army contracts,’ he said. ‘After all my hard work it looks like this deal’s not going to happen after all.’

 

 

 

Adam sat down on the edge of his father’s desk. ‘How come?’ he said anxiously. ‘I though they’d agreed to all your conditions?’

 

 

 

‘So did I,’ said Ben. ‘But apparently not.  They’re demanding more now.  I can’t seem to find a way out, so I think I’ll have to run it by our lawyers in San Francisco.’

 

 

 

‘But there’s no time,’ said Adam. ‘Isn’t the deadline Friday?’

 

 

 

‘Yes,’ said Ben worriedly. ‘I think if I wire ahead to them and leave on tomorrow’s stage then I might just make it. I have to try anyway.’

 

 

 

‘But Pa, what about the herd?’ said Adam. ‘We’ve got to get them moving now.  You just said so yourself.’

 

 

 

‘This doesn’t change anything,’ said Ben. ‘You and Hoss were going to manage that yourselves anyway, so you can still go ahead with it.’

 

 

 

‘Yes but I meant with Hoss and I away and you in San Francisco, who will look after Joe?’ said Adam. ‘Hop Sing won’t be back from visiting his cousin until next week.’

 

 

 

Ben rubbed his head. ‘I forgot about Joe,’ he said. ‘I’ll just have to ask the Devlins to take him for a few days.’

 

 

 

Adam shook his head. ‘They can’t.  One of the hands told me that a couple of the Devlin kids have got the measles.  You can’t send Joe over there. He’s hard enough to deal with when he’s well!’

 

 

 

Ben tried to smile at the feeble joke.  He rubbed his chin while he gave the matter some thought. ‘There must be someone else who could watch your brother for a few days,’ he said. There was silence while they both pondered the problem. 

 

 

 

After a few moments Adam spoke. ‘Well everyone I can think of is either going through similar problems to us in having to cope with things after all that rain, or they’re just not suitable.’

 

 

 

Ben shook his head. ‘Well I’ll just have to take him with me,’ he said. ‘There’s no help for it.’

 

 

 

Adam frowned. ‘Pa you can’t. How can you deal with lawyers when Joe is hanging around?’

 

 

 

‘I’ll just have to,’ his father replied. ‘Although I must admit I’m not looking forward to it.  Especially after this.’  He flung the letter that had been resting on his desk over to Adam, who picked it up and began to read it.

 

 

 

‘When did you get this?’ he asked after he had finished it.

 

 

 

‘It was sitting on my desk this morning,’ said Ben, glaring at the piece of paper as if it was responsible for being there. ‘I suppose your youngest brother thought that I’d calm down by the time he gets home this afternoon.  He never said a word about it all last night.’

 

 

 

Adam tried to hide a smile.  Joe got into a lot of trouble at school and he supposed that by now he knew all the tricks about how to soften the blow when it came.  The letter from his teacher was certainly one to make their father’s blood boil and Joe would have known it.  Privately thought it was a smart move on the part of his youngest brother to leave it for their father to read when he wasn’t close by.

 

 

 

‘I’ll be dealing with a certain young man when he gets home,’ said Ben crossly.  ‘And I certainly don’t feel that taking him on a trip to San Francisco is exactly the punishment I had in mind.’  He stood up and stretched. ‘Still, I don’t have much choice in the matter.  Come on son, let’s go and get organised.  There’s a lot to do between now and tomorrow morning.’

 

 

 

 

 

——————–

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘I wouldn’t start if I were you,’ warned Adam as Joe screwed up his nose in distaste at the plate in front of him. ‘After what you’ve done today I don’t think you can afford to make Pa any angrier.’

 

 

 

Joe frowned at his older brother. ‘But I hate Pa’s cooking,’ he said.

 

 

 

‘You hate everyone’s cooking,’ said Hoss as he helped himself to some bread.

 

 

 

‘Pa said he’d deal with you after supper,’ continued Adam. ‘So if I were you I’d try to smooth things over as much as possible. He’s angry enough with you as it is.’

 

 

 

Joe saw the logic in his older brother’s statement and when their father entered the room a moment later he picked up his fork and began to eat. Ben glared at him and sat down. ‘Finish your supper quickly please Joseph and then head straight up to your room. You and I have quite a bit of talking to do young man.’

 

 

 

‘Yes Pa,’ said Joe with his head lowered. He listened as his brothers and his father discussed the herd and their plans for the next couple of days. He worried that being stuck in the house with only his Pa for company might prove to be difficult given the circumstances and decided to be as cooperative as possible in the meantime.  He wished he were old enough to go with his brothers and could hardly wait until the time when he could leave school.

 

 

 

‘I got the tickets for you as well Pa,’ said Adam, then stopped as he saw his father glance meaningfully at Joe.

 

 

 

Joe looked up straight away. ‘Tickets for where?’ he asked.

 

 

 

Ben glared at him. ‘I told you to eat your supper,’ he said. ‘Hurry up.’ Joe put another forkful of food into his mouth, well aware of his father’s displeasure. Ben turned to Adam. ‘Thank you son.  We’ll talk about it later.’

 

 

 

Adam nodded, aware that his father hadn’t discussed the trip with Joe yet. For the remainder of the meal the conversation drifted around the issues of the herd and he and Hoss listened as their father gave them detailed instructions about how to handle the deal in Carson City. 

 

 

 

After a while Ben turned to Joe again. ‘If you’ve finished get up to your room,’ he said shortly.  ‘I’ll be up soon to talk to you.’

 

 

 

Joe obeyed his father without arguing.  He knew what the talk would consist of and he wasn’t keen to make it worse.  Once in his bedroom he quickly changed and got under the covers, hoping that if he were in bed it would stop his father from giving him the tanning that he thought might be coming.  After a while he heard footsteps and wondered if he should pretend to be asleep. Before he could decide, however, the door opened and his father entered the room.

 

 

 

‘Get out of bed,’ instructed Ben and Joe sat up with a sigh.  He knew from the tone of his father’s voice that his hopes had been in vain.  He tentatively put his feet on the floor and stood before his father in what he hoped was a contrite position. ‘Well?’ said Ben after a few moments. ‘What do you have to say for yourself this time Joseph?’

 

 

 

Joe looked up at his father. ‘I’m sorry Pa,’ he said. ‘I didn’t mean to do it.’

 

 

 

Ben put his hands on his hips and glared down at his young son. ‘That’s the problem Joseph. You never mean to do it, but you still do.  When are you going to learn how to behave?’

 

 

 

‘I don’t know Pa,’ said Joe in a small voice.

 

 

 

Ben pulled his son towards him and administered six swift smacks across his backside.  ‘Well you’d better learn,’ he said angrily. ‘I’m sick and tired of getting notes home from your teacher young man.  You need to smarten up your behaviour or you will be sorry!  Do you understand me?’

 

 

 

Joe looked at the floor. ‘Yes Pa,’ he said.

 

 

 

‘Look at me!’ Ben yelled. Joe looked up at his father and flinched as Ben pointed his finger at him. ‘I will take no more of your nonsense Joseph! Is that understood?’

 

 

 

‘Yes Pa.’

 

 

 

Ben reached over and gave his son another six swift smacks on the bottom. ‘Now get into bed!’ he said angrily.  Joe obeyed his father quickly, rubbing his backside quickly as he slid under the covers.  Ben sat on the edge of his bed and stared at him for a moment. ‘You deserve to be grounded for a week young man,’ he said. ‘But unfortunately that will have to wait until later.  Against my better judgement I am forced to take you to San Francisco with me tomorrow as your brothers will be away with the herd, but as soon as we return you will not step foot out of the front yard apart from going to school is that clear?’

 

 

 

Joe nodded his head, his eyes wide at his father’s words.  Before he could stop himself he said excitedly. ‘San Francisco Pa?  Really?  When do we leave?’

 

 

 

Ben glared at him. ‘Joseph, I want to make something very clear.  You are not going to San Francisco as a reward.  I am still very angry with you and you are only going because I have no choice.’  He pointed his finger at his son. ‘But I am warning you!  One wrong move young man and you will be sorry!  Understand?’

 

 

 

Joe nodded his head, trying to contain his excitement. ‘Yes Pa,’ he said. ‘But when do we go?’

 

 

 

‘Tomorrow morning,’ said his father. ‘You’ll have to miss a few days school, which I’m sure your teacher will be happy about.  The way you’ve been behaving lately I’m sure she’ll be pleased to have a break from you.’ Joe bit his lip in excitement and tried not to look too happy for fear that his father would change his mind. ‘Now go to sleep,’ said Ben tucking in the blankets around him. ‘We need to be up early in the morning to pack.’

 

 

 

‘Yes Pa,’ said Joe snuggling down under the covers. He hugged himself tightly as his father turned down the lamp and left the room.  San Francisco!  He knew he’d been there before, but that was when he was only little.  His father had told him that before his mother had died they had all gone together when he was about three, but Joe didn’t even remember it.

 

 

 

It seemed for as long as he could remember he had been asking to go and his father had always promised that one day he would take him.  Joe longed to see the ocean and all the sights that his brothers had told him that they had seen in that wondrous city.  It seemed to Joe that San Francisco must be just about the most exciting place there was, next to New Orleans of course!  That was where his mother had come from and Joe had a great passion to see it one day.  His father had told him that it was too far away for him to make the trip until he was grown up, so instead he had set his sights on a city that was much more accessible to him.  And now he was really going there! 

 

 

 

Joe could hardly believe his luck.  He rubbed his sore bottom and thought about tomorrow and all the excitement that it would bring.  In spite of himself his eyes began to close as tiredness overtook him and his last thoughts were of everything he would do in San Francisco.  He fell asleep dreaming of clipper ships such as he had seen in Adam’s book sailing across the ocean.

 

 

 

 

 

———————-

 

 

 

 

 

‘Joseph keep still,’ said Ben. ‘Didn’t you go to the outhouse as I told you to?’

 

 

 

 Joe stopped hopping from one foot to the other and tried to obey his father, but it was hard to contain his excitement. ‘Yes Pa, I did,’ he said.  He had been on trips before, but never just himself and his father and certainly never so far!  It was all he could do not to yell out his excitement to everyone passing by in the street.  He looked at his father impatiently for it seemed to him that Pa was taking far too long in saying his goodbyes to Adam and Hoss and organising their luggage.

 

 

 

‘Can I get in the stage now Pa?’ he asked anxiously. ‘It might go without us iffen I don’t.’

 

 

 

Ben sighed. ‘You may as well,’ he said. ‘But don’t start complaining to me to get out again and stretch your legs when we’re part way into the trip. 

 

 

 

Joe grinned. ‘I won’t Pa,’ he said and turned to his brothers. ‘Bye Adam, bye Hoss.’

 

 

 

Hoss ruffled his little brother’s hair fondly. ‘Bye shortshanks,’ he said. ‘Behave yourself for Pa.’

 

 

 

Adam laughed as he gave his little brother a playful punch on the shoulder. ‘Yeah, or he might leave you there!’ he said. ‘Then we’d have no one to order around any more.’

 

 

 

Joe stared at them seriously for a moment, then smiled as he realised his brother was joking.  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll be good,’ he said with a sideways glance at his father.  He could still feel Pa’s disapproval and knew that he hadn’t forgotten that Joe was still in trouble.  He hoped that as the trip went on he would be able to charm his father into forgetting about it. 

 

 

 

‘Up you go then,’ said Ben and patted his son’s backside as he stepped up the high step.  Joe looked out of the window of the stage. ‘Ain’t ya coming Pa?’ he said anxiously. ‘It’s going now.’

 

 

 

‘In a minute Joseph,’ said Ben impatiently. ‘We have plenty of time.’ He turned back towards Adam and Hoss. ‘You’d better get going boys.  That herd needs to be moved as quickly as you can.’

 

 

 

‘Sure Pa,’ said Adam giving him a grin. ‘Good luck with the contracts.’

 

 

 

Ben gave each of them a quick hug before turning to the stage. ‘We’ll be back on Saturday’s noon stage,’ he said. ‘Good luck in Carson City boys.’

 

 

 

They stepped back and waved as the stage lurched forward.  Hoss grinned as he saw his father’s hand reach out and pull his little brother’s head inside the window, then they both laughed out loud as Little Joe’s arm came back out and waved frantically to them.

 

 

 

Adam turned to Hoss and thumped him on the back. ‘Come on brother.  The men are waiting for us and we haven’t got all day.’

 

 

 

Hoss turned and looked over his shoulder as they walked down the street. ‘I hope Pa goes easy on Joe while they’re gone. He’s so excited that it’d be a shame ta have Pa mad at him the whole time.’

 

 

 

‘Knowing that kid he’ll make Pa forget he was even in trouble by the time they’ve gone two miles,’ said Adam with a sarcastic grin.  ‘I wouldn’t waste much time worrying about that young brother of ours.’

 

 

 

Hoss returned the grin. ‘No I suppose you’re right,’ he said.

 

 

 

 

 

——————–

 

 

 

 

 

‘Don’t ya reckon Pa?’ asked Little Joe again, squinting his eyes against the glare of the sun streaming through the window.

 

 

 

Ben looked up from the papers he was reading and said impatiently, ‘What?  Oh yes I suppose so.’

 

 

 

Joe smiled and turned towards the window again.  The trip was proving to be so exciting so far even though they were only an hour or so into it.  The countryside sped past him and it seemed that there was just so much to see that he couldn’t track of it all.  He bounced on his seat excitedly.

 

 

 

‘Joseph keep still,’ said his father. ‘You’re disturbing everyone.’

 

 

 

Joe looked around him and smiled at the other occupants of the stage. ‘Sorry,’ he said.

 

 

 

‘That’s all right dear,’ said the large woman who was seated opposite him. ‘It’s hard to keep still when there’s so much to see isn’t it?’

 

 

 

Joe nodded and smiled at her, happy that she understood.  The man beside her said nothing, but gave Joe an angry look. Joe supposed he was the sort of person who didn’t like children much.  He turned back towards the window again. ‘Look Pa!’ he said excitedly. ‘See that mountain over there?  It looks like……..’

 

 

 

Ben looked up again. ‘Joseph would you please be quiet?  I have work to do and I’m sure these people don’t want to hear your voice every minute of the trip.  Sit back and try to keep still for at least a little while.’

 

 

 

Joe sat back and closed his mouth.  It was obvious that his Pa was still angry with him and he decided that the best thing to do would be to give him time to forget about the trouble he had caused yesterday.  He clutched his arms excitedly as he stared out of the window, resisting the temptation to speak again.  After a while he felt his eyelids becoming heavy and in spite of himself he felt sleep overtaking him.

 

 

 

Ben looked up and smiled at the sight of his youngest son.  He reached over and straightened the boy so that he was resting in a more comfortable position with his head on the side on the seat. The woman across from him smiled. ‘He’s very excited isn’t he?  Is this his first trip?’

 

 

 

Ben returned the smile. ‘Just about,’ he said. ‘The first one he’s old enough to remember anyway.  I’m sorry if he’s disturbing you both.’

 

 

 

The man opposite looked at him. ‘Well stage travel is difficult at the best of times without children around,’ he said.

 

 

 

Ben returned the look. ‘I’ll try to keep him as quiet as possible for you then,’ he said dryly.

 

 

 

‘He’s not disturbing me at all,’ said the woman. ‘He’s such a cute little thing.’

 

 

 

Ben raised an eyebrow. ‘Sometimes,’ he said. ‘He’s a bit of a mischief magnet I’m afraid.  Keeps me on my toes.’

 

 

 

They both laughed. ‘I’m sure he would,’ said the woman. ‘He must have you and his mother running after him constantly.’

 

 

 

‘His mother died a few years ago,’ explained Ben. ‘So that means I just have to run twice as fast.’

 

 

 

Her smile faded. ‘Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realise,’ she said sympathetically.

 

 

 

He smiled at her. ‘That’s alright,’ he said. ‘I have two older boys who help me a lot.’

 

 

 

She nodded. ‘I’m glad for you.  It would be difficult raising a youngster like this by yourself.’

 

 

 

As they travelled, Ben thought about her words.  It was true that he found Joe to be exhausting at times and wished for some peace and quiet away from him.  Yet every time he left him he ached to be back with him again.  He looked down at his small son’s sleeping form next to him and marvelled at how angelic he looked when he was asleep.  If only he could stay like that!  So quiet and ….. well, just so quiet!  In spite of his intentions to be firm with the boy and not make this trip a reward for him, he felt himself relaxing and ready to forgive him again for the mischief he had caused. 

 

 

 

What was it about this boy that melted his heart so much?  He loved all his sons, but Joseph got to him in a way that the other two didn’t.  He tried to be firm with him, but the boy’s fetching personality and innocence just made it so difficult.  He shook his head and tried to concentrate on the contracts in front of him again.  It would be some hours until they reached Sacramento where they would need to change stagecoaches and he really should take advantage of the quiet while Joseph was asleep.

 

 

 

 

 

——————–

 

 

 

 

 

Joe opened his eyes and yawned. He glanced around him, trying to place just where he was. He frowned to see the man and woman sitting opposite, but no sign of his father. He sat up quickly. ‘Where’s my Pa?’ he said anxiously. ‘Where’s he gone?’

 

 

 

The woman patted him on the knee. ‘It’s all right dear,’ she said. ‘We’ve stopped for a few minutes and he’s just outside stretching his legs.’

 

 

 

Joe frowned at her. ‘Where?’ he said anxiously looking around. ‘Pa! Pa!’ he yelled. ‘Where are you Pa?’

 

 

 

Ben’s head came through the window. ‘I’m right here Joseph. He said. ‘Stop all that yelling.’

 

 

 

Joe breathed a sigh of relief. For a moment he had thought his father had disappeared and the thought frightened him. He didn’t know why, but he always hated it when his father left him alone.  And out here in a strange place the thought terrified him.  ‘Can I come out Pa?’ he asked, getting out as he said it.

 

 

 

Ben helped him down and bent towards him. ‘Do you need to go?’ he said quietly. ‘Now’s the time if you do.’

 

 

 

Joe looked around.  There wasn’t an outhouse in sight.  In fact there was nothing in sight except for a few trees and boulders by the side of the trail ‘Where?’ he said.

 

 

 

Ben pointed towards a large boulder. ‘Behind there,’ he said. ‘Hurry up.’

 

 

 

Joe scampered over to the boulder and went behind it.  He hurried as fast as he could, thinking that the stage would go without them.  Within a minute he was back again. ‘So we have ta get back in now Pa?’ he asked. ‘Are we going now?’

 

 

 

Ben shook his head. ‘Don’t be so anxious Joe,’ he said. ‘The stage won’t go anywhere without us.  Stretch your legs for a bit first.’

 

 

 

Joe was only too happy to do as his father suggested.  He felt cramped and stiff from all that sitting and was enjoying being out of the stage.  He walked around to the horses and patted them. The driver of the stage was there, giving them both a drink from a bucket. ‘They’re nice horses,’ said Joe, trying to be friendly.

 

 

 

The man grunted. ‘They do their job, that’s all that I care about,’ he said grumpily. ‘Stand back from em kid.’

 

 

 

Joe stood back.  It seemed that this man didn’t like children either. ‘What are their names?’ he asked.

 

 

 

The man grunted again. ‘How would I know?’ he said.

 

 

 

Joe shrugged and turned away.  He walked around the stage a couple of times until his father called him over. ‘Joseph, come over here and get a drink,’ shouted Ben.

 

 

 

Joe took the canteen from his father. ‘Ain’t this great Pa?’ he said as he put it to his lips. ‘It’s exciting ain’t it?’

 

 

 

Ben tried not to smile at the boy’s innocence.  What was so exciting about standing next to a stage in the middle of nowhere after all? ‘Yes I suppose so,’ he said shortly, trying to look stern. ‘Now get back inside.  We’re leaving again.’

 

 

 

When they were seated in the stage, Joe asked his father. ‘When do we get to San Francisco Pa? Is it soon now?’

 

 

 

‘No.  We won’t get to Sacramento until late this afternoon.  That’s where we will stay the night,’ he said.  ‘Then we get on a different stage tomorrow for San Francisco.  We won’t get there for a couple more days yet.’

 

 

 

Joe looked out of the window again as they lurched forward.  It seemed so far away!  He wondered for the hundredth time what the ocean would look like. ‘Pa?’ he said.

 

 

 

‘Yes Joseph?’ said his father.

 

 

 

‘Can we go straight down to the ocean when we get there?’

 

 

 

‘No we can’t. It will be dark when we get there and the next morning I have work to do.  You’ll have to come with me and stay in the office while I talk to the lawyers.’  Ben noticed the boy’s face fall. ‘After I’ve finished I’ll take you down to the harbour and show you all the ships,’ he said.

 

 

 

Joe’s face lit up again. ‘Will we see clipper ships like you sailed on?’ he asked excitedly. ‘Like the ones in Adam’s book?’

 

 

 

Ben smiled in spite of himself. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘There’ll be lots of different kinds of ships.  I’ll point them all out to you.  And if you behave yourself I’ll take you to the beach as well.’

 

 

 

Joe could hardly contain himself. ‘Really Pa?’ he said bouncing off his seat again. ‘Really?’

 

 

 

Ben pushed him down again, conscious of the other passengers. ‘Really,’ he said. ‘Now just settle down young man.  We’ve got a long trip still ahead of us.’

 

 

 

Joe sat down again.  This was getting more exciting than even before!

 

 

 

 

 

——————-

 

 

 

 

 

It was early afternoon as the stage rolled into Placerville Joe sat up excitedly. ‘Look Pa!’ he exclaimed as the buildings came into view. ‘A town!  What’s it called Pa?’

 

 

 

‘It’s Placerville,’ said his father. ‘We’ll stop here for a while so that we can get some dinner.’

 

 

 

Joe followed his father down from the stage excitedly and looked around him. Placerville was a sleepy little town with nothing much to see, but to his ten year-old eyes it was one of the most exciting places he’d ever laid eyes on. ‘Wow!  Look at that Pa!  A saloon just like in Virginia City!  Are we going in there for our dinner Pa?’

 

 

 

‘No we are not,’ said his father grabbing him by the hand. ‘Come along.’  He led him across the street to a small café where he ordered them both a sandwich and a drink. They took them outside and sat on the porch overlooking the street. ‘Now I want you to eat all of that,’ Ben instructed. ‘You hardly ate anything for breakfast.’

 

 

 

‘I was too excited,’ answered Joe with his mouthful. He did feel rather hungry for once and made short work of the sandwich. As he sat and waited for his father to finish, he looked around. ‘Can I go for a walk Pa?’ he asked. ‘I want to see what’s up the street.

 

 

 

Ben looked at him wearily. Where did this boy get all his energy from?  ‘All right,’ he said. ‘But not for very long. Just up the street and back.’  Joe stood up to go. ‘Oh and make sure you use the outhouse over there before you get back on the stage,’ said Ben. 

 

 

 

‘Yes Pa,’ said Joe.  He wandered up the street slowly, looking in all the shop windows as he went.  He made it to the end of the street quickly and looked back over his shoulder to where his father had been sitting.  For a moment he was worried, then he noticed that Ben had walked over to the stage and was talking to the driver there. Joe looked around the side of the building and stepped off the sidewalk.  He wondered what was at the end of the alleyway and thought that his father wouldn’t mind if he checked it out quickly.  Without another thought he disappeared around the side of the building.

 

 

 

Ben leant against a pole and watched as the driver finished watering the horses. ‘You going all the way to San Francisco?’ he asked.

 

 

 

‘Nope,’ said the man.  ‘Finish at Sacramento. ‘New driver will take ya from there.’  He reached up and began to tighten the straps on the luggage.  Ben stepped back to give him room, when suddenly a couple of drunken men stumbled out of the saloon behind him.

 

 

 

‘I say ya were cheating!’ said one of them and made a grab for the other one. ‘I ain’t playing with no cheater!’

 

 

 

The second man hit him square in the jaw. ‘Ain’t no-one calling me a cheater!’ he said.

 

 

 

Ben tried to step out of the way of the fight, but found that he was pinned against a wall with no room to move.  He fended off the fists that were flying in all directions. ‘Steady on!’ he yelled. ‘Move away!’

 

 

 

One of the drunken men turned towards him and yelled in his face. ‘Who ya telling to move!’ he shouted. ‘I ain’t no cheater!’

 

 

 

Ben smiled at him. ‘I never said you were friend,’ he said trying to calm him down. He pushed him away gently.

 

 

 

The man turned on him. ‘Don’t you push me!’ he yelled and gave Ben a huge shove back.  Ben lost his footing and fell heavily against the wall behind him.  He tried to reach out to stop himself falling, but only succeeded in losing his balance even further and fell heavily onto the edge of the sidewalk.  There was a loud thump and the last thing he remembered were bright lights exploding in his head as the blackness overtook him.

 

 

 

The driver stepped forward. ‘Hey, leave that man alone!’ he said. ‘You two get out of here!’

 

 

 

The two men stopped fighting as they realised what had happened. ‘Is he alright?’ one of them asked as the driver bent over Ben.

 

 

 

‘I don’t know,’ the man said. ‘You’ve knocked him out fair and proper.’

 

 

 

The three of them looked at Ben anxiously, relieved to see his eyelids flutter open again. ‘You OK mister?’ asked the driver.

 

 

 

Ben felt the lump on his head. ‘I……. I don’t know,’ he said. ‘I think so.’

 

 

 

The driver helped him to his feet. ‘You’d better sit down,’ he said. ‘Here, I’ll help ya get into the stage.’  He turned to the two drunks. ‘You two get outta here,’ he said. ‘Before I call the law on ya!’ He helped Ben into his seat and watched as the man closed his eyes and laid his head back on the seat. ‘That’s it,’ he said.  ‘Get some sleep.  That’s the best thing for ya.’ He called to the woman who had been standing there watching what had happened. ‘Time to go,’ he said.  Where’s our other two passengers?’

 

 

 

‘I’m here,’ said the male passenger, stepping out of the saloon. ‘I don’t know where that brat is though.’

 

 

 

‘I saw him go up the street,’ said the woman looking around anxiously. ‘Oh, there he is!’

 

 

 

Joe came around the side of the building again and started to make his way towards them. ‘Come on boy!’ said the driver impatiently. ‘Time to go!’

 

 

 

Joe looked at him anxiously. ‘We can’t go without my Pa!’ he said.

 

 

 

‘Don’t worry dear,’ said the woman kindly. ‘Your Pa’s right here in the stage. He’s had a bit of an accident, so he’s having a little nap.’ Joe looked at her anxiously. ‘It’s alright dear, ‘ she said. ‘He just hit his head, that’s all.’

 

 

 

Joe stepped up into the stage. ‘Pa?’ he said, shaking his father. ‘Pa?  Are you awake?’

 

 

 

The woman put her hand on his shoulder. ‘Leave him alone to sleep dear,’ she said.

 

 

 

Joe settled back in his seat and closed his own eyes.  A nap sounded like a good idea to him right about now.  Within minutes all the four occupants of the small stage were fast asleep as they continued their journey towards Sacramento.

 

 

 

 

 

——————

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ben opened his eyes and was immediately aware of the thumping in his head.  It felt as if he had a hammer in there and he immediately put his hand up to massage his temples. Everything seemed to be moving around and he felt quite dizzy, so he shut his eyes again to try and help himself feel better.

 

 

 

‘Would you like a drink of water?’

 

 

 

He opened his eyes again and looked at the woman sitting opposite.  She smiled at him kindly as she held out a canteen and he took it gratefully. ‘Thank you,’ he said and took a large swallow.

 

 

 

‘Do you feel a bit better?’ she asked. ‘You took a nasty fall back there.’

 

 

 

So that was it!  He couldn’t seem to remember what it was that had made his head so sore, but a fall……that made sense. ‘Yes a bit,’ he said and shut his eyes again.  It was strange, but he couldn’t seem to remember much of anything.  He wondered why he was on a stage in the first place and he wondered who the woman was.  He opened his eyes again and looked around him.  Sitting next to the woman was a man and next to him was a child who was fast asleep.  He wondered if they were all part of the same family or if the woman was by herself with the little boy.  It was all too much for him and he closed his eyes again and drifted off into a deep sleep again.

 

 

 

A short time later, Joe opened his eyes and looked around.  His Pa was still asleep and he wondered how much longer he would continue to be so.  He looked across at the woman opposite who smiled at him. ‘How much longer till we get to Sacramento?’ he asked.

 

 

 

‘Not long now dear.  About an hour or so,’ she said pleasantly. ‘It will be nice to get out and stretch won’t it?’ He nodded and looked at his father anxiously. ‘Don’t you worry about your Pa,’ she added. ‘He’s been awake for a while and has gone back to sleep again.’

 

 

 

Joe nodded, satisfied that his father was alright. He spent some time looking out of the window, anxious to get his first glimpse of Sacramento.  When it did appear finally, he was overcome with excitement and couldn’t help but show it. ‘Pa! Pa!’ he cried, shaking his father. ‘Look!’

 

 

 

Ben’s eyes opened slowly.  The pounding in his head was still there and now the child next to him was shaking him and making it worse.  What was he saying?  Something about looking out of the window.  Angrily, Ben shook him off. ‘Be quiet!’ he said. ‘I’m, trying to sleep.’

 

 

 

‘But its Sacramento!’ said Joe. ‘We’re there!’

 

 

 

Ben opened his eyes wider. Sacramento?  Now why on earth would he have been travelling to Sacramento of all places?  He frowned as he tried to remember, but failed to come up with an answer. It worried him that he couldn’t, but he supposed it was something to do with the fall that he had taken.  He shook his head and hoped that the answer would come to him in time. 

 

 

 

Meanwhile the child next to him was becoming increasingly annoying.  He glanced across at the woman, wishing that she would make her son be quiet, but she just sat there.  Really! he thought.Some people shouldn’t travel with children if they couldn’t control them!

 

 

 

As the stage pulled to a stop everyone scrambled to get out, anxious to stretch their legs.  Joe grinned as he looked around him at the bustling sidewalk and wondered just how many people lived here.  He turned to watch the driver get down their luggage and picked up his bag.  He had the feeling that Pa still wasn’t too pleased with him, as he hadn’t said a word to him since they had got of the stage, but had simply stood and stared around him.

 

 

 

‘Goodbye dear,’ said the woman. ‘I live here so I won’t see you again on tomorrow’s stage. Have a lovely time in San Francisco.’

 

 

 

Joe grinned at her. ‘I will,’ he said happily.  The man that had been with them had already disappeared without a word and the driver was busy unhitching the horses, so Joe stood quietly and waited for his Pa to finish picking up his luggage.  Ben walked down the street without a word and Joe quickly followed him. After a short time, he said. ‘Where do we stay tonight?’

 

 

 

Ben looked down at the small figure beside him crossly. ‘I’m staying at a hotel,’ he said. ‘I don’t know about you.’

 

 

 

Joe’s face fell. ‘What do you mean?’ he said anxiously. ‘Aren’t we staying together?’

 

 

 

Ben frowned at him. ‘How would I know?’ he said. ‘Go and ask your mother.’

 

 

 

Joe stopped walking and stared at the man continuing in front of him. He couldn’t understand what his Pa was talking about. Why would he say a thing like that? His mother had died years ago and he knew that Joe couldn’t ask her!

 

 

 

‘Pa?’ he called as the man kept walking. ‘Pa?’  Ben didn’t turn around at the sound.  He wished the child would go back to his mother and stop annoying him.  He quickened his pace and tried to leave the youngster behind him, but to his annoyance he heard him running to catch up. ‘Pa?’ he said again.

 

 

 

Ben turned and looked at the child crossly. ‘Would you stop calling me that?’ he said angrily.

 

 

 

Joe looked up at him confused. ‘What am I supposed to call you?’ he asked anxiously.

 

 

 

‘Don’t call me anything!’ said Ben. ‘Just go away!’

 

 

 

Joe swallowed and his face crumpled. ‘But Pa!’ he said and clutched at the man’s sleeve.

 

 

 

Ben shook him off. ‘I said to go away!’ he repeated, and turned on his heel and strode off quickly down the street.

 

 

 

Joe watched him go with anguish in his heart. He knew that his Pa had been cross with him, but he had never for one moment thought that he would speak to him like this!  He wondered what he should do.  With a heavy heart he followed the man until he saw him enter a building a couple of blocks away. 

 

 

 

Joe looked up at the imposing structure and slowly climbed the steps. He opened the door tentatively and entered the lobby.  He immediately spied Ben standing at the counter writing on a ledger and took his place beside him. Ben looked down crossly. ‘You again!’ he said angrily. ‘I thought I told you to go away!’

 

 

 

‘But Pa!’ said Joe, his eyes brimming with tears. ‘I don’t……’

 

 

 

‘Ben interrupted him. ‘I told you to go away and I meant it,’ he said. ‘And stop calling me your Pa when I’m not.’

 

 

 

Joe’s eyes widened. ‘But………’ he began. ‘What do you………’

 

 

 

The desk clerk looked down at him. ‘You heard what the man said sonny.  Go on home now.’

 

 

 

Joe looked up at him. ‘But I can’t,’ he whispered. ‘It’s too far.’

 

 

 

The clerk acted as if he hadn’t heard him and simply turned to smile at Ben. ‘Here’s your key Mr …….. sorry sir, but you haven’t written your name clearly here.’

 

 

 

Ben frowned at him. It was strange, but he really couldn’t remember his name.  He didn’t know why.  All he knew was that he had a pounding headache and the need to sleep quickly. ‘It’s………’ he glanced at the name he had chosen to write in the absence of any true memory. ‘It’s Smith,’ he said and heard a small gasp from beside him.  He looked down at the small figure who stared back at him.  It looked as though the child was about to cry and that annoyed him even further.

 

 

 

He snatched up the key and nodded to the desk clerk. As he mounted the steps to his room he sensed the child beside him again and turned and pointed his finger at him. ‘If you don’t go away I’ll call the police!’ he yelled. ‘Now scat!’

 

 

 

Joe stood rooted to the spot, his heart breaking as he watched his father climb the stairs and disappear.  His Pa didn’t want him anymore!  Why?  What had he done that was so bad?  He knew he had been naughty, but his Pa had never treated him like this before!  Joe couldn’t help himself and he felt the tears begin to fall down his cheeks.  He glanced around the lobby and looked at all the people walking past.  What was he to do?

 

 

 

He glanced at the desk clerk who was busy with another customer.  It was obvious to him that the man wasn’t interested in helping him.  Maybe he should go back to and find the stagecoach driver and ask his advice?  He wiped his eyes and decided that was the best thing to do.  He left the building and entered the busy street again, looking over his shoulder at all the windows and wondering which room his Pa was in.  With a heavy heart the little boy turned and walked down the street the way he had come.

 

 

 

 

 

———————

 

 

 

 

 

‘I’ve got no idea kid,’ the man said impatiently. ‘Why don’t you run along home now?’

 

 

 

‘But you have to know where he is!’ said Joe desperately. ‘He was unhitching the horses before!’

 

 

 

‘Well he must have finished and gone home,’ replied. ‘Which is where you should be too.  Now scoot!’  He turned and went back into the Stage-Line office. 

 

 

 

Joe stood on the busy sidewalk wondering what to do next.  He thought about the woman who had been kind to him and wondered where she lived, but a glance around him was all he needed to know that he’d never find her in a town this size.  He bit his lip and tried to think.  If only he had some money!  If he had some, then he could get someone to send a wire to Adam and Hoss and they could come and get him. Then he remembered that his brothers weren’t at home anyway.  They were on their way to Carson City with the herd. Besides, if his Pa didn’t want him, what was the point of going home again?  Pa would only make him leave.

 

 

 

Joe fought the urge to cry again and put his bag down beside him.  It was beginning to get heavy and he was tired and hungry.  The darkness had fallen now and he wanted nothing more than to rest in a comfortable bed, but he didn’t think that was about to happen.  Maybe his Pa would have changed his mind after he had a good night’s sleep?  Maybe in the morning his Pa would want him back again?

 

 

 

In the meantime, he needed to get some sleep, so he glanced around and saw the Livery Stable.  Maybe he could find a warm spot in there to stay?  He knew that his father would have to come back here in the morning, so it was the logical place to stay close to. He glanced around before entering the building, scared that someone would stop him.  Looking around him, he immediately felt better, as it reminded him of their barn at home.  The sniffling of the horses was somehow comforting to him and he stroked one of them on the muzzle.

 

 

 

‘Hello boy,’ he said, recognising him as one of the horses who had pulled their stagecoach that day. ‘Where’s a good place to stay where no one will see me? Do ya know?’

 

 

 

He glanced up and saw the hayloft.  It was just like at home!  He could remember hiding in their hayloft many times when his Pa or his brothers had been angry with him for something, so he guessed he may as well use this one now.  He climbed the ladder awkwardly, trying to balance his bag and not drop it and eventually pulled himself onto the floor above.  Tired as he was, it didn’t take long for him to snuggle down in the hay and close his eyes.  His last thought was of his Pa and how he would try to change his mind about wanting him in the morning.

 

 

 

 

 

——————-

 

 

 

 

 

Ben sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the papers in his hands.  He had spent the last half-hour meticulously going through his luggage, trying to come up with an answer to the mystery of who he was, but until now had come up with nothing.  He studied the papers again and frowned.  They clearly stated the name and address of a lawyer’s firm in San Francisco and outlined a business deal between a Mr Cartwright and the army.  He wondered if he was this Mr Cartwright or maybe a representative of the army?  Or maybe he was from the lawyer’s office and was carrying the documents to them?

 

 

 

Ben sighed and lay down on the bed.  One thing he knew was that he had to try and get to the bottom of this.  He determined to go back to the Stage Line office in the morning and book a ticket to San Francisco.  Hopefully at this lawyer’s office he would find out the answer to his question. He closed his eyes thankfully, hoping that his headache would be eased by the morning.

 

 

 

 

 

——————

 

 

 

 

 

The stream of sunlight on his face caused Joe to open his eyes and blink.  He lay still for a moment, wondering why the ceiling looked so different and then it all came flooding back to him.  He wasn’t at home in his bedroom, he was in the hayloft of the Livery Stable and his Pa didn’t want him anymore!

 

 

 

He rolled over and looked around.  Below him he could hear the sound of the horses stamping their feet and distant voices from the street. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, anxious to know what time it was.  He hoped he hadn’t overslept!

 

 

 

He grabbed his bag and carefully climbed down the ladder.  Anxiously he ran into the street, hoping to see his Pa standing there, but all he saw was a stagecoach waiting and various people milling around.  He looked around for the driver from the day before, but couldn’t see him.  Timidly, he approached the office and entered. A man was busy selling tickets from behind the counter.

 

 

 

Joe stood in line. When it was his turn, the man looked at him with an amused expression. ‘Yes sonny?  What can I do for you?’

 

 

 

‘Has the stage to San Francisco gone yet?’ Joe asked.

 

 

 

The man shook his head. ‘No, that’s it outside. It goes in about ten minutes,’ he replied.

 

 

 

Joe breathed a sigh of relief. ‘Thanks,’ he said and left the building. He stood next to the stagecoach, anxiously scanning the street for his father, but couldn’t see him.  A man shoved him impatiently aside and he took a step back until he was backed up against the building, holding his bag in front of him.  Suddenly he saw his Pa’s face in the window of the stagecoach.  He had been there all the time!

 

 

 

A wave of relief washed over Joe. ‘Pa!’ he called as he waved to his father. ‘Pa! I’m here!’

 

 

 

Ben frowned at him through the window. He couldn’t hear what the child was saying over the noise of the passing traffic, but it was obvious that the boy was trying to get his attention. He turned his head and ignored the child.

 

 

 

Joe tried again. ‘Pa!’ he called. He frowned as he saw his father turn his head.  So Pa hadn’t forgiven him after all?  His heart constricted and the tears began to fall.  Quickly he approached the stage and tried to reach the window. ‘Ain’t I coming with ya?’ he called.

 

 

 

A man behind him interrupted. ‘If you’re coming sonny, then I need to see your ticket.’

 

 

 

Joe turned to him. ‘But I ain’t got one!’ he said. ‘My Pa’s got it!’

 

 

 

‘Then go and get it from him!’ said the man.  ‘Hurry up!  We’re about to leave.’

 

 

 

‘My Pa is in there!’ said Joe desperately. ‘He’s already in the stage!’

 

 

 

The man stuck his head inside the stagecoach. ‘Boy here says that his father is in this stage.  Any takers?’ No one said a word. He turned back towards Joe with an amused expression. ‘Seems like your Pa’s not here kid.  How about running back home again eh?’

 

 

 

‘But he is!’ said Joe anxiously. ‘He’s in there!’

 

 

 

‘Look kid,’ said the man. ‘You ain’t getting a free ride this way.  Whatever trouble you got into at home, I’m sure your parents wouldn’t appreciate you running off like this.  Now get back home! Scat!’

 

 

 

He pushed Joe away from the coach and closed the door, signalling to the driver that everything was ready. He turned and left as the stage pulled into the street and disappeared around the bend.

 

 

 

Joe stood with his bag clutched to his chest, tears rolling down his face.  His heart was broken and he felt utterly rejected. ‘Pa!’ he called softly. ‘Pa!  I’m sorry!  I didn’t mean to be naughty!  Please come back for me!’ He backed up towards the building again and clutched his bag tightly, tears streaming down his face as he looked in the direction of the disappearing stagecoach.

 

 

 

 

 

———————–

 

 

 

 

 

Ben looked at the paper in his hand again and checked it against the number on the building.  It matched!  He mounted the stairs and opened the door, instantly struck by the classiness of the establishment.  He hoped that he would find out he worked here, as it would probably be a job that paid quite a bit.  He hadn’t come straight here after reaching San Francisco a few days ago, as he had hoped that he might suddenly remember who he was and had spent some time wandering the city trying to see if anything sparked a memory, but nothing did.  Also, it had taken a few days for the headache to disappear completely and he had felt quite weak up until today. 

 

 

 

But here he was still unsure of his identity days later, and he knew that the time had come to try and find out once and for all who he was.  If the truth were known the thought scared him quite a bit. What if he turned out to have a life that he didn’t feel comfortable with?  Still, he had to know once and for all.

 

 

 

Ben stepped forward to the receptionist and stood there hoping for a reaction from her.  Finally the woman looked up at him inquiringly.  ‘Yes?’ she asked. ‘May I help you sir?’

 

 

 

Ben hesitated. ‘I… that is……. I was wondering if you knew me?’

 

 

 

She looked at him strangely. ‘I can’t say that I do,’ she said after a moment. ‘Am I supposed to?’

 

 

 

He frowned. ‘No, I suppose not,’ he said. ‘It’s just that….well, I wonder if I could see Mr…..’ he consulted the paper in his hand. ‘Mr Atkins please. He’s a lawyer here I believe?’

 

 

 

‘Yes he is,’ said the woman.  ‘I’ll see if he’s free. Please take a seat.’

 

 

 

Ben sat down warily.  Somehow this didn’t feel right and he was decidedly uncomfortable.  He watched as the woman left the room and stood up as she re entered again with a smile. ‘Mr Atkins is free.  He’ll see you straight away if you like.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded gratefully and followed her along a corridor.  As he entered the room she indicated the man seated at the desk looked up. A look of instant recognition crossed his face and he held out his hand. ‘Ben!’ he said happily. ‘I’ve been wondering when you’d get here.  Your wire said Tuesday, but I hadn’t heard from you since you sent it.’

 

 

 

Ben shook the man’s hand tentatively. ‘Do you mind if I sit down?’ he asked, for he suddenly felt unsteady on his feet.  The man obviously knew him!  A flood of relief washed over him, but also one of dread.  Just who was this Ben and where did he come from?

 

 

 

After a moment’s silence, Mr Atkins asked. ‘Are you all right Ben?  You look a little upset about something.  It’s not the army contracts is it?’

 

 

 

Ben shook his head. ‘I….. I need to ask you something,’ he said. ‘Can you tell me my last name?’

 

 

 

Mr Atkins looked at him strangely. ‘Your last name?  What are you talking about?’

 

 

 

Ben put his hand on his head and rubbed his temple. ‘I….I seem to have forgotten it,’ he said softly. ‘I seem to have forgotten a lot of things lately.’

 

 

 

Mr Atkins reached out to him. ‘Ben? You don’t look well. Can I help?’

 

 

 

Ben looked at him gratefully. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Yes I need you to help me. I can’t remember…….anything.’ He looked up at the other man pleadingly. ‘Tell me about myself,’ he said. ‘Tell me who I am.’

 

 

 

 

 

—————-

 

 

 

 

 

Joe sniffled quietly into the hay, his tears almost spent.  He felt as if he had been crying forever and had such an empty feeling inside him that he couldn’t even begin to know how to fill it.  Not only did his Pa not want him anymore, but also he wouldn’t even say that he was his Pa at all!  And now he had left him here in this strange place with no one to look after him or help him.  He rubbed his eyes with his shirtsleeve.  What was he to do now?  Where was he going to live and who would take care of him?

 

 

 

He supposed that he would end up in an orphanage and he shuddered at the thought. He had heard about those places and didn’t want to live in one, that was for sure.  Maybe after a while a family might want to adopt him?  Maybe he would have to live with a family that he didn’t get on with?  His mind raced onwards, picturing for himself a very bleak future with mean parents who worked him hard and didn’t love him. He wondered if his Pa would let Adam and Hoss come and see him sometimes.  He hoped so, for he missed them already. 

 

 

 

Joe felt the tears welling up again.  Why was his Pa doing this to him?  Surely he hadn’t been that bad that he shouldn’t want him for a son any more? He sniffled again, feeling very sorry for himself. He felt so hungry that he knew he couldn’t go without eating for much longer.  Joe sighed as he sat up.  He supposed he’d better get it over with!  The sooner he went to the sheriff’s office and handed himself in, the sooner they would take him to the orphanage and feed him. He sighed again, not looking forward to going at all.

 

 

 

Clutching his bag tightly he climbed down the ladder and headed outside.  It was mid-morning and the streets were bustling now with more people than the boy had ever seen in one place and the sight was rather daunting to him. He looked up and down the street, wondering which direction to go.  Biting his lip, he headed off to the right trying to keep as close to the buildings as possible.  After a couple of blocks he found himself outside the building where his father had stayed the night before. 

 

 

 

Joe scratched his head, wondering where to head next, when suddenly the door of the hotel burst open and man came bustling through and almost fell on him.  Joe staggered back a couple of steps, momentarily off balance.  The man bent down to steady him. ‘Sorry son,’ he said. ‘Are you alright?’

 

 

 

Joe nodded, then clutched the man’s sleeve. ‘Scuze me sir, but could you tell me where the sheriff’s office is?’

 

 

 

The man pointed across the street and patted him on the head kindly. ‘Straight over there little one,’ he said. ‘Are you in trouble?’

 

 

 

Joe nodded. ‘I’m….. well I’m kinda lost,’ he said. ‘I haven’t…..’

 

 

 

The man cut him short impatiently. ‘Lost your way have you?  Well go over there and they’ll help you out.’  He gave him a small push. ‘Off you go!’  He turned and hurried down the street, Joe looking after him wistfully.  He had hoped that the man might have taken him to the sheriff’s office himself, but he seemed to be too busy.  With a sigh he walked across the street, clutching his bag tightly.

 

 

 

As he entered the sheriff’s office, he was struck at once by the activity around him.  There were a number of people shouting at each other and a man who seemed to be the sheriff was trying to separate two men who were fighting.  Joe flattened himself against the wall and tried to be invisible.  He watched with wide eyes as a couple of deputies entered the room and tried to help the sheriff, while everyone around them continued to shout.

 

 

 

Suddenly one of the deputies turned towards him and grabbed him by the arm. ‘You, boy!  What are you doing here?  Get out of the way!’

 

 

 

‘But……..’ said Joe. ‘I need to see the sheriff.’

 

 

 

‘He’s busy,’ said the man. ‘Can’t you see that?’

 

 

 

‘But I need……’

 

 

 

‘Come back later,’ said the man and shoved him out of the building.

 

 

 

Joe figured he’d better get something to eat.  He put his hand into his pocket hopefully, wondering if he might have a few coins in there after all, but he came up with nothing.  He looked around and headed off down the street again until he came to a small café.  He looked through the front door smelling something wonderful inside, but didn’t dare enter.  Suddenly a thought came to him and he scampered around to the alleyway at the side of the building.  Just as he had hoped, there was a small trashcan there and he quickly looked through it for any scraps that might serve him for a meal. 

 

 

 

Moments later he was munching happily on half a bread roll and a variety of fruit peelings.  Joe had never been one to worry much about food, so he soon felt quite satisfied.  If it wasn’t for the ache in his heart over his father’s rejection of him, he could have been quite comfortable witting there with his stomach full again and watching the passing traffic.  Sacramento sure was a busy place!

 

 

 

After a while Joe stood up and headed back towards the sheriff’s office.  He hoped that the noisy people had left by now and he could make himself understood.  Quietly he entered the building and was pleased to see that the room seemed to be empty.  He sat on a bench against the wall and put his bag on his lap, quietly waiting for someone to come back and notice him. 

 

 

 

After a while, the sheriff entered the room and looked at him. ‘What are you doing here sonny?’ he asked.

 

 

 

Joe stood up. ‘I need to go to an orphanage,’ he said sadly. ‘I ain’t got no parents who want me.’

 

 

 

The sheriff stared down at the small child. After a pause he crouched down in front of the child and looked at him intently. ‘What’s your name boy?’ he asked. Joe didn’t answer him, but simply stared back at the man.  He had no intention of telling him who he was, as the first thing the sheriff would suggest was contacting his father.  Joe didn’t feel inclined to be rejected twice as the pain was still too raw.  He shook his head.

 

 

 

‘Don’t you have a name boy?’ asked the sheriff kindly. Joe shook his head again. ‘Where’s your Ma and Pa?’ asked the man.

 

 

 

‘My Ma’s dead,’ Joe said, the tears welling up in his eyes again.  ‘And my Pa don’t want me no more.  He said he wasn’t my Pa now.’  His tears began to fall freely and he hiccupped as he tried to stop them.

 

 

 

The sheriff frowned at him. ‘Tell me your Pa’s name boy,’ he said.

 

 

 

Joe shook his head again. ‘I told ya he don’t want me no more,’ he sobbed. ‘I have ta go to an orphanage.’

 

 

 

‘Ain’t you got any other relatives?’ asked the sheriff.  Joe hesitated.  He wanted so much to tell the man about Adam and Hoss, but he didn’t know if he should.  His brother’s words still rang in his head when he had warned him to be good or Pa might leave him behind.  Adam and Hoss mustn’t have been joking when they said them!  Pa must have told them about leaving him behind and they all agreed.  No, it was no use telling the sheriff about his brothers.  They didn’t want him either. Instead he merely shook his head at the man.

 

 

 

‘I ain’t got no one,’ he said mournfully, for in his mind he didn’t any more.

 

 

 

The sheriff led him over to the bench again. ‘Well then we’ll have to find you a place to stay won’t we?’ he said. ‘You sit there boy.’

 

 

 

Joe sat still as he had been instructed to.  The sheriff disappeared again and he was left alone.

 

———————

 

 

 

 

 

Ben looked out of the window at the passing scenery.  He could hardly believe what Mr Atkins had told him about himself, yet he knew in his heart that it was true.  His real name meant nothing to him and he couldn’t remember anything about his life at all.  Nothing the man had told him about himself had rung true in any way and the more he heard about himself the more depressed he became.

 

 

 

The lawyer had been kindness itself and had offered to let him stay with him, but Ben had declined firmly.  If he was ever to remember anything about his life he felt he had to get back to this……..he studied the name on the paper in his hand for the tenth time……… Virginia City.  Maybe there he would meet someone who would spark a memory for him.  Mr Atkins had told him that he had three sons there.  Surely once he met them he would start to remember!  He certainly hoped so. Ben sighed as he put his head against the window.  He hoped that each passing mile was taking him towards the memories that he so desperately sought.

 

 

 

 

 

——————-

 

 

 

 

 

‘Here he is,’ said the sheriff, pushing Joe forward. ‘Thanks for coming so quickly Mr Harrison.’

 

 

 

Joe looked up at the tall man in front of him and frowned.  He didn’t like the look of him at all! If going to an orphanage meant being with someone like him, then Joe wasn’t prepared to go after all.

 

 

 

The man looked down at the small child with a distasteful look on his face. ‘Not a problem sheriff,’ he said. ‘That’s what the county pays me to do.’

 

 

 

‘Well I don’t know how you stand it with all them kids up there in that Home,’ replied the sheriff. ‘I’d go barmy if it was me.’

 

 

 

Mr Harrison didn’t reply, but simply took Joe by the arm and began to lead him out of the room while Joe tried to shake himself free. ‘Leave me alone!’ he shouted. ‘I don’t want to go with you!’

 

 

 

The man only pulled on his arm harder. ‘Come along boy,’ he said between gritted teeth. ‘I don’t have time for your nonsense!’

 

 

 

Joe continued to struggle. ‘Leave me alone!’ he shouted. ‘I ain’t coming with you!’

 

 

 

‘You certainly are!’ replied the man. ‘You sure aren’t staying here!’  He dragged Joe to the door and opened it. ‘Thank you sheriff,’ he said over his shoulder. ‘I’ll get him straight back to the Home.’

 

 

 

‘Who’s home?’ asked Joe as they entered the street. ‘Who’s home are ya taking me to?

 

 

 

‘You be quiet,’ said Mr Harrison with a nasty look at him. ‘You’re going to the County Home for Boys until we find out where you’re from boy.’  He pushed Joe towards a buggy that stood before them. ‘Now get in there!’

 

 

 

Joe stood still, refusing to budge. ‘No!’ he said. ‘I ain’t coming with you!  I don’t like you!’

 

 

 

‘I don’t care if you do or not,’ said the man casually. ‘Get in that buggy!’  He reached out to pull the child towards him, but Joe was too quick for him and jumped away.  With a last look at the man he sped off down the street.  ‘You come back here!’ said Mr Harrison behind him. ‘I’ll have your hide if you don’t get back here immediately!’

 

 

 

Joe took no notice of the man, but continued to run.  Soon he was in the middle of a large crowd of people and he stopped to get his breath, hoping that the man wasn’t too close behind him.  He quickly searched the area, happy to see that he was nowhere in sight. Joe sat down on a step in front of a building.  There was no way he wanted to go with that man!  Even though he thought he had resigned himself to living in an orphanage, he felt decidedly uncomfortable about with anyone like that!  He felt it was much better to look after himself if he had to. He wiped his sleeve across his eyes to brush the tears away.

 

 

 

 

 

———————

 

 

 

 

 

‘Roy there’s something wrong!’ said Adam angrily. ‘Pa would never do this!’

 

 

 

The sheriff sighed as he looked up at the young man. ‘I agree Adam, but what do you want me to do?’ he said. ‘Your father is a grown man after all and if he decides to stay in San Francisco longer than he originally intended there’s no law against it!’

 

 

 

Hoss stepped forward. ‘But that’s just it!’ he said.  ‘Adam wired to the hotel in San Francisco and Pa and Joe never arrived there!’

 

 

 

Roy looked concerned. ‘Did you check with the stage line?’ he asked. ‘Maybe they were delayed.’

 

 

 

‘No, the stage arrived on time,’ said Adam. ‘Roy, you know its not like Pa to do something like this.  Something is wrong and I intend to go to San Francisco myself to figure out what it is if I have to!’

 

 

 

Roy nodded. ‘I agree,’ he said thoughtfully. ‘Look boys, I think the best thing to do is to wire your father’s lawyer in San Francisco before you go off half-cocked.’

 

 

 

Adam nodded.  The sheriff’s suggestion made sense to him. ‘Come on Hoss,’ he said. ‘We’ll do it straight away.’ He motioned for his brother to follow him and they left the building followed by Roy.

 

 

 

‘Now you let me know the minute you get a reply from San Francisco,’ said the sheriff. ‘If they say…..’  he stopped and looked across the street in amazement.  There standing in front of the Saloon was Ben himself!  Roy pulled on Adam’s arm. ‘Seems like everything is alright with your father after all boys,’ he said. ‘Look!’  He pointed to the man who was looking around him without recognition . ‘There he is.’

 

 

 

Adam and Hoss followed his gaze and immediately smiled. ‘Thank heavens,’ said Adam, the relief evident in his face. ‘Pa!’ he called across the street. ‘Pa!  We’re over here!’

 

 

 

Ben looked over at the sound of the young man’s voice. He smiled tentatively, wondering what the next few moments would bring. As the three men walked towards him he searched their faces for a spark of recognition, but he felt nothing.

 

 

 

The tall young man came towards him. ‘Pa!  We were so worried about you!  What happened?’

 

 

 

Ben stared at him.

 

 

 

‘Pa?  said a large young man behind him. ‘What’s the matter?’

 

 

 

Ben opened his mouth to speak, but the words came out awkwardly. ‘I don’t…..that is, I………’ he looked at them helplessly, feeling the ground around him begin to spin.

 

 

 

The older man stepped forward. ‘Ben?’ he said. ‘What’s wrong Ben?  Are you alright?’

 

 

 

Ben clutched his head and closed his eyes. ‘I don’t feel… he began and then the blackness overtook him and he lurched forward into their arms.

 

 

 

 

 

———————-

 

 

 

 

 

‘I tell you he’s sick,’ said Adam anxiously.’ He fell forward in a dead faint.’

 

 

 

Paul Martin leant forward and placed his stethoscope on Ben’s chest. ‘Just take it easy Adam,’ he said. ‘Let me take a look at him first.’

 

 

 

Adam nodded and stepped away from the table to give the doctor room to move. ‘Hoss, you’d better go back and get Joe,’ he said. ‘I didn’t see him there, but he’s probably wondering where we took off to in such a hurry.’

 

 

 

Hoss nodded and left the room.  Adam watched as the doctor performed his examination of the man on the table. ‘Is he alright?’ he asked anxiously after a few moments.

 

 

 

Paul Martin merely signalled to him to be quiet and kept listening through his stethoscope. After a while he stood up. ‘He seems fine,’ he said.  ‘He probably just fainted from fatigue or something.  We’ll see if he…’

 

 

 

‘He’s awake!’ said Adam.

 

 

 

Paul turned towards the table again. ‘Ben,’ he said gently. ‘Ben, can you hear me?’

 

 

 

Ben opened his eyes. ‘He heard his name as if from a distance and he looked up into the face of his friend Paul Martin. ‘Paul?’ he said. ‘How did I get here?’

 

 

 

‘You fainted,’ said Paul gently. ‘It’s alright now.  Just take it easy.’

 

 

 

‘Pa?’ said Adam.

 

 

 

Ben turned towards his son’s voice. ‘Adam?’ he said softly. ‘Is that you?

 

 

 

‘Yes Pa, it’s me,’ said Adam, much relieved. ‘You’re going to be alright now.’

 

 

 

Ben sighed softly and closed his eyes again. ‘It’s good to be home,’ he said.

 

 

 

Paul signalled for Adam to follow him and led the way into the outer room. ‘He needs to sleep,’ he said. ‘We can get to the bottom of why it happened later.  The main thing is that he seems to be alright now.’

 

 

 

Adam nodded. ‘Yes,’ he said.

 

 

 

At that moment Hoss came rushing into the room. ‘Adam!’ he said. ‘I can’t find Joe!’

 

 

 

Adam turned to his brother. ‘What do you mean you can’t find him?’ he said. ‘We’ve got enough to worry about with Pa without him taking off. Can’t that kid keep still for two minutes?  I’ll kill him when I lay my hands on him.’

 

 

 

‘No Adam, you don’t understand,’ said Hoss. ‘He wasn’t with Pa!  I checked with the stagecoach driver and he said that Pa was travelling alone.’

 

 

 

Adam frowned at him. ‘I don’t understand,’ he said. ‘Pa wouldn’t leave Joe with anyone.  He must have been mistaken.’

 

 

 

Hoss shook his head. ‘No,’ he said.  ‘He showed me the passenger list.  Joe wasn’t on the stage.’

 

 

 

‘Well then, your father must have left him with someone,’ said Paul. ‘Was he seeing anyone in San Francisco or perhaps along the way that he could have left him with?’

 

 

 

Both boys shook their heads. ‘No…….. No one,’ said Adam. ‘If we could have thought of someone to leave him with, then Pa wouldn’t have taken him at all.’  He glanced through the doorway at his father’s figure on the examining table. ‘We’ll have to ask him. Is it alright to wake him up Paul?’

 

 

 

The doctor looked worried. ‘Given the circumstances I don’t see that we have any choice,’ he said. ‘Gently though.’

 

 

 

Adam walked over to his father and bent over him. ‘Pa,’ he said shaking him softly. ‘Pa, wake up.’

 

 

 

Ben opened his eyes and looked up at his son. ‘Adam,’ he said in a sleepy voice. ‘Is that you son?’

 

 

 

‘Yes Pa,’ said Adam. ‘Pa, where is Joe?  Who did you leave him with?’

 

 

 

‘Joe?’ said Ben, trying to focus. ‘Your brother Joe?  Isn’t he with you?’

 

 

 

Adam shook his head. ‘No Pa, he isn’t with me. You took him with you to San Francisco.  Don’t you remember?’

 

 

 

Ben put his hand up to his throbbing head. ‘No, I don’t,’ he said in a soft voice. ‘I……..I can’t remember……….anything.’ His eyes widened. ‘Where am I?’ he asked in an anxious voice as he looked around. ‘How did I get here?’

 

 

 

Adam put his hands on his father’s shoulders. ‘It’s alright Pa, you’re in Doc Martin’s office. You just got off the stage from San Francisco.’

 

 

 

Ben looked into his son’s eyes. ‘San Francisco?’ he asked. ‘Why did I go there?’

 

 

 

Adam looked across at the doctor before replying. ‘You went because of the army contracts Pa. Remember?’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘I remember the contracts,’ he said slowly.  ‘But I don’t remember going.’ He tried to sit up. ‘Did you say I had Joseph with me?’

 

 

 

‘Yeah Pa,’ said Hoss as he stepped forward. ‘He went with you but you didn’t bring him back.  You musta left him with someone.’

 

 

 

Ben looked at the three of them. ‘Left him?’ he said anxiously. ‘I wouldn’t have left him with anyone.’

 

 

 

They looked at each other. ‘Then where is he Pa?’ said Adam. ‘Why isn’t Joe with you?’

 

 

 

Ben began to look agitated. ‘I don’t….. I don’t know,’ he said. He clutched Adam’s sleeve. ‘Where is he?’ he said. ‘Where is your little brother Adam?’  He put his face in his hands. ‘My God,’ he said. ‘Where have I left him?  What have I done?’

 

 

 

 

 

——————–

 

 

 

 

 

‘Boys I don’t like this,’ said Paul.  Your father isn’t up to travelling yet.’

 

 

 

‘You heard him Paul,’ said Adam. ‘There’s no way any of us are going to stop him coming on tomorrow’s stage with us. Besides,’ he added. ‘Even though I agree with you, we really don’t have much hope of finding Joe if Pa’s not there with us.  Who knows what he might remember in time?’

 

 

 

Hoss clutched his brother’s arm. ‘What do you mean little hope?’ he said. ‘We’re gonna find Joe, ain’t we Adam?’

 

 

 

Adam smiled at him and patted his arm. ‘Of course we are Hoss.  I just meant that it would be harder without Pa, that’s all.’

 

 

 

‘Well you just make sure that your father takes it as easy as possible,’ said Paul.  ‘After what he’s told us it sound like he’s sustained a heavy concussion and that shouldn’t be fooled around with.’

 

 

 

Adam nodded.  ‘We’ll watch him carefully,’ he said. ‘In a way though, I’m grateful that there’s no stage until the morning.  At least he’s being forced to get some rest tonight.’

 

 

 

Paul indicated Ben’s figure through the open doorway. ‘I don’t think he’s getting much rest at all,’ he said as he watched the man pacing in the room next door. ‘Try and calm him down, will you boys?’

 

 

 

Adam looked at Hoss and they both moved as one into the next room. ‘Pa,’ said Adam tentatively. ‘You’re not helping anyone by acting like this.  Why don’t you lay down for a while and get some rest?’

 

 

 

Ben looked at him. ‘What?’ he said absently. ‘Rest? How on earth can I rest with your little brother out there somewhere?’ he waved his arm towards the window.  ‘Who knows where he is?  He could be hurt or…… or anything, for all we know!’

 

 

 

Adam moved forward and touched his father on the arm. ‘Pa, I’m sure he’s fine,’ he said soothingly. ‘You probably just left him with someone.’

 

 

 

Ben clenched his fists in frustration. ‘And just who would I have left him with?’ he said angrily. ‘Face it boys, I’ve lost your little brother and God knows where he might be now!’  He pounded his fists on his head. ‘If only I could remember!’ he said. ‘If only I…. Oh God!  He’s just a little boy!  How could I have done this to him?’ He bent his head, put his face in his hands and wept tears of frustration while Adam and Hoss looked on helplessly.

 

 

 

After a few moments Hoss spoke up. ‘Whatever you did, you didn’t mean to Pa,’ he said. ‘Don’t ya worry………..Joe’ll be alright, you’ll see.’  He looked at his father imploringly, willing him to agree with him. ‘He has ta be Pa, he just has ta be!’

 

 

 

Ben reached over and drew his son towards him.  They stood together on a tight embrace, each comforting the other by their touch while Adam looked on with tears in his eyes. ‘Yes,’ said Ben softly. ‘He has to be.’

 

 

 

 

 

—————–

 

 

 

 

 

‘Placerville!’ said the stagecoach driver as he poked his head in the window.  ‘Half-hour stop!’

 

 

 

The three Cartwrights stood to get off the stage eagerly.  Not only did they dearly wish to stretch their legs, but also they wanted to make the most of their time in the town.  ‘You go with Pa to that side of the street Hoss,’ said Adam. ‘I’ll start over here.’

 

 

 

Ben frowned at his son. ‘I’m quite capable of being by myself for a short time Adam and we’ll cover more ground if we go in three different directions,’ he said shortly. ‘We’ll meet back here in twenty minutes to compare information.’

 

 

 

Adam acknowledged his father’s remark with a quick nod of his head.  It had been like this all morning.  His father was obviously extremely angry with himself and was making his frustration known to both his sons at every opportunity. 

 

 

 

They went in three directions, each determined to be the one to find out as much as possible.  As Ben stood waiting for his sons to join him again in front of the coach he heard Adam’s voice hailing him from across the street. ‘Pa!’ he called. ‘Over here. Quickly!’

 

 

 

Ben practically ran across the street. ‘Adam!’ he said. ‘Did you find out anything?’

 

 

 

‘In here Pa,’ said Adam as he pushed his father inside the café. ‘Is this him?’ he asked the man behind the counter.

 

 

 

The man looked at Ben. ‘Yep, sure is,’ he said. ‘He bought sandwiches and drinks for himself and the little boy.  Cute little kid he was too.’

 

 

 

Ben stepped forward eagerly. ‘Did you notice if I got back on the stagecoach with the boy?’ he asked eagerly.

 

 

 

The man nodded. ‘Of course you did,’ he said. ‘Don’t you remember?’

 

 

 

Ben shook his head sadly. ‘No,’ he said. ‘That’s the problem.  I don’t remember.’

 

 

 

Adam pulled him eagerly by the arm. ‘This is great Pa,’ he said excitedly. ‘We know that you got this far with him at least.  You must have made it at least to Sacramento.  That’s the next stop.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded as they walked back towards the stage. ‘Yes,’ he said.  ‘But think about it Adam.  Sacramento is a mighty big place.  It won’t be as easy to find out information as it has been here.’

 

 

 

‘We’ll find out what we need to,’ said Adam determinedly. ‘Whatever it takes Pa we’ll find Little Joe. You know that.’

 

 

 

‘Of course I do,’ said Ben. ‘Nothing will stop us from getting to that child.  Nothing on this earth.’

 

 

 

 

 

———————

 

 

 

 

 

‘So you do remember him?’ said Ben excitedly. ‘Tell me!’

 

 

 

The driver looked at him strangely. ‘Of course I do,’ he said. ‘I already told ya that!’

 

 

 

‘Please tell us,’ said Adam. ‘Where did he go?’

 

 

 

How do I know?’ said the man, spitting into the gutter. ‘I ain’t paid ta watch where every passenger goes when they get off my stage.  All I know is that he…..’ he indicated Ben, ‘went down the street that way and the kid followed him. Seems like ya weren’t too keen on the kid tagging along with ya though.’

 

 

 

Ben’s heart constricted. ‘What do you mean?’ he asked tentatively.

 

 

 

‘Well ya didn’t wait for him and the kid had ta run ta keep up with ya,’ he said. ‘Seems like he was a bit of a bother to ya.’

 

 

 

Ben clenched his fists. How could he have behaved like this towards his own son?  He shuddered at what the child must have thought. He turned towards his sons. ‘Come on boys,’ he said. ‘We’re going into every building in Sacramento if we have to until we find out where your brother is.’

 

 

 

The three Cartwrights began to think it would take them a month to do just that.  After an hour they had only covered a block and still had no information. ‘Maybe we’d be better to go straight to the sheriff’s office,’ said Adam. ‘Joe might have ended up there.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘All right,’ he said.  ‘It’s only over there.  If we don’t find out anything then we’ll come back here and start again.’ They had begun to cross the street when Ben stopped and stared at a building in front of them.

 

 

 

‘What is it Pa?’ said Hoss.

 

 

 

Ben pointed. ‘That building.  The hotel.  It seems……. familiar somehow,’ he said. ‘Come on boys, let’s try in there first.’

 

 

 

Adam and Hoss followed their father into the imposing building and straight across to the desk. ‘Mr Smith,’ said the desk clerk. ‘You’re back so soon sir!  Another room?’

 

 

 

Ben stared at him. ‘I…… You know me?’ he asked.

 

 

 

The clerk nodded. ‘Why of course sir. I never forget a customer. Single room again sir, or……’ he looked at the two boys behind him. ‘Or a suite?’

 

 

 

‘Neither,’ said Ben. ‘I just want some information. ‘Was I alone when I stayed here?’

 

 

 

‘Yes sir, quite alone,’ said the clerk.

 

 

 

‘I didn’t have a small boy with me?’ asked Ben with desperation in his voice. ‘A little boy with curly hair?’

 

 

 

The clerk frowned at him. ‘Well if you mean the youngster that insisted on following you up the stairs, then I suppose you did,’ he said. ‘But you soon got rid of him.’

 

 

 

Ben stared at him. ‘Got rid of him?’ he said, his heart in his mouth. ‘What….what did I say to him?’

 

 

 

You told him in no uncertain terms to get lost,’ said the man. ‘And rightly so too.  An annoying little brat he was.’  Ben felt Adam’s hand on his arm preventing him from reaching across the counter and throttling the man who continued to speak. ‘Seemed real upset when you told him to get lost though.  Especially when you threatened him with the police.’

 

 

 

‘I did what?’ said Ben incredulously.

 

 

 

‘Threatened him with the police,’ repeated the man. ‘And rightly so too.  Kids like that have no business begging in decent establishments like this.’

 

 

 

‘Did you see where the boy went?’ asked Adam before his father could reply.

 

 

 

‘No,’ shrugged the desk clerk. ‘I was just glad that he left without any fuss. Are you sure you don’t want a room?’

 

 

 

‘I wouldn’t stay here if it was the last hotel on earth!’ thundered Ben in a loud voice. ‘And as for your…..’

 

 

 

‘Pa!’ said Adam as he pulled him away from the counter. ‘Come on.  We’ve got to get moving if we want to find Joe!’

 

 

 

Ben allowed himself to be pulled out of the hotel. ‘Why that insensitive……’ he began.

 

 

 

‘Pa we should get over to the sheriff’s office now, dontcha reckon?’ asked Hoss.

 

 

 

Ben looked at his son. ‘Yes,’ he said shortly. ‘Come on.’ As he led his sons across the street a feeling of shame washed over him.  How could he have said that to his little boy!  What must Joseph have thought of his Pa hearing him say those words!  He felt so angry and ashamed that he wanted to hide his face away from his other two boys and cry, but he knew that he couldn’t afford the luxury until they found Joseph.  He just prayed that they would find him, and soon!

 

 

 

 

 

———————

 

 

 

 

 

‘He said what?’ said Ben. ‘He wanted to go to an orphanage?’

 

 

 

The sheriff shook his head. ‘No, I didn’t say he wanted to go,’ he said. ‘He just said that he had to.  His Ma was dead and his Pa didn’t want him anymore.  That’s what he said.’

 

 

 

Ben sat down on the bench and covered his face with his hands. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His little boy must have felt that he was all alone in the world when he uttered those words to the sheriff.  His heart constricted. Joseph! He cried out silently. What have I done? Joseph!

 

 

 

‘So where is this Boys Home?’ he heard Adam say. ‘How do we get there?’

 

 

 

The sheriff shook his head. ‘Won’t do you any good,’ he said. ‘The boy took off.  Ain’t seen him in days.’

 

 

 

‘What?’ said Ben and lifted his head. ‘What do you mean he took off?  Why didn’t you or this Mr Harrison stop him?’

 

 

 

The sheriff glared at him. ‘And just how would you suggest we do that?’ he asked. ‘The boy was too quick for us.’

 

 

 

‘And you haven’t gone looking for him since’ said Ben angrily. ‘Just what sort of sheriff are you?’

 

 

 

The sheriff put his hands on his hips. ‘Now just you listen here mister,’ he said. ‘I ain’t got time to be running off after every brat that comes my way!  Sacramento’s a big place and if that kid doesn’t want to be found there’s no way I’m going to waste my time starting a pointless search for him! Now if you don’t like that, too bad!’

 

 

 

The two men stood glaring at each other. ‘Too bad!’ said Ben. ‘We’re talking about a little child here, not some kind of animal!  For God’s sake man, where’s your decency?’

 

 

 

The sheriff jutted out his jaw and pointed his finger at Ben. ‘Now don’t you dare lecture me!’ he said. ‘Who was the one left him alone in the first place?’

 

 

 

Ben flinched.  The man was right. He had abandoned his own son in a strange city and left him to face God only knows what!  How could he presume to lecture a stranger on how to treat a child after what he had done?

 

 

 

Without a word he turned and left the sheriff’s office.  Outside he stood against the side of the building and stared at the passing traffic without seeing it.  What had he done?  Where could he find his son amongst all these people?  He turned as Adam and Hoss came and stood next to him. ‘Pa?’ said Hoss. ‘Ya mustn’t blame yaself.’

 

 

 

He turned to face them. ‘Then who am I to blame?’ he asked. ‘I was the one who did this to your little brother.  No one else is responsible.’

 

 

 

‘Pa, Hoss is right,’ said Adam. ‘You didn’t know what you were doing.’

 

 

 

Ben shook his head. ‘But Joseph wouldn’t have known that,’ he said. ‘All your brother would have known was that I rejected him. Imagine how that little boy must have been feeling.  His Pa didn’t want him any more…….. You heard the sheriff say that’s what he told him.’

 

 

 

They looked at him helplessly, not knowing what to say. After a while Adam spoke. ‘Pa it’s not helping anyone talking like this.  Least of all Little Joe.  If we’re going to find him we have to keep searching.  It’s the only thing to do.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘Yes Adam you’re right,’ he said. He looked around him.  ‘This could take days boys.  We’d better book our luggage into a hotel first and then we’ll sit down and map out a plan to cover as much ground as possible. Come on.’  He began to lead his sons back across the street again before he stopped.  ‘I think we’ll find another hotel,’ he said.  ‘I don’t feel inclined to stay in that one.’ He turned in the other direction.

 

 

 

 

 

——————-

 

 

 

 

 

Joe peered warily around the building for any signs of movement and having detected nothing he made his move. Silently and carefully he edged forward until he was level with the trashcan and rummaged through it as quickly as he could.  He had been chased off too many times during the last few days which usually resulted in him going hungry and he didn’t intend for today to be one of those times.  This trashcan was the best one that he had found so far, situated so close behind the café it was usually full of all sorts of bits and pieces and Joe had learned to take whatever he could get.

 

 

 

With a grunt of satisfaction he pulled out some leftover vegetables and a small piece of meat that looked as though it had been chewed on.  Carefully he broke off the chewed bit and gathered up the vegetables as he slunk away.  Moments later he was seated in his usual spot behind the stagecoach Livery Stable eating happily.  This was the first time he had managed to get some meat and even though it was cold and greasy he enjoyed every bit of it.

 

 

 

After finishing his small meal he longed for a drink of water, but knew that he had to wait.  The horse trough where he usually drank from was right in the middle of the busy part of the street and he had to sneak out there at night or else he would be hunted away by passers-by who were horrified at the sight of a small child drinking water that was meant for the horses.  Joe didn’t mind though.  He loved horses and figured that anything good enough for them would do him.

 

 

 

All things being considered he was content with the fullness of his stomach.  His heart, however, wasn’t nearly as full.  He still felt an ache in it every time he thought about what had happened to him and the last few days had done nothing to fix that. He doubted that anything ever would.  He sighed as he thought about his home and wondered what Adam and Hoss would be doing just about now.  He wondered what his Pa had said to them when he got home without him and wondered if they missed him too. He hoped that one day he would be able to see them again.

 

 

 

About his Pa he thought nothing at all.  Or more to the point he tried not to.  In spite of himself, however, memories of the man kept coming back to him and he desperately tried to block them out.  He knew that his Pa didn’t want him anymore and thinking about him only made the ache in his heart worse.  So every time Joe felt himself remembering his father he would try to distract himself and think about something else.  Otherwise, the ache became too much and the tears would fall again.

 

 

 

Joe wondered how long he would have to live here for.  He was determined never to go back to the sheriff or end up with that mean man from the Boy’s Home and knew that he would rather live alone.  The problem was that he just got so lonely.  He was afraid to talk to anyone for fear of them finding out who he was and so he slunk away from any human contact at all.  Even passing people in the street had become a chore for him.  He often watched families go by which only reminded him of his own family.  He ached to talk to someone, but just didn’t dare.

 

 

 

Joe spent his days wandering the streets avoiding looking at anyone, but staring through the shop windows.  Sometimes he would imagine that he belonged to a family and would follow them around for a while, but eventually they always looked at him strangely and he would have to disappear again.  He longed for the day when he was grown up and big enough to get a job.  Then he would be able to have some money and buy some proper food and clothes and maybe a place to stay.  Then he would be able to talk to people again.

 

 

 

He looked down at his clothes and wrinkled his nose.  Since leaving the sheriff’s office he had nothing but what he was standing up in, as he had left his bag there of course.  His clothing was beginning to get extremely grubby and he wondered what he would do when he eventually grew out of it.  He also felt dirty and knew from looking in the windows of the shops that he looked it too. 

 

 

 

He spent his nights in the hayloft of the livery Stable and no one had so far disturbed him there.  As long as he was careful to go in when there was no one around he had no problems and he made sure that he didn’t come out until the area was busy with the passengers for the day.  The man in the office had looked at him strangely a couple of times, but he figured that this was just another kid who was fascinated with horses and stagecoaches and as long as he didn’t cause any trouble he left him alone.

 

 

 

So Joe wandered Sacramento virtually undetected.  No one spoke to the small boy and no one questioned who he was.  He learned to fade into the background if there was anyone looking at him the least bit suspiciously and to disappear altogether if he was uncomfortable.  He might have gone on like this for months if it wasn’t for a stray dog and the circumstances that led him to being discovered.

 

 

 

The dog wandered past as Joe was sitting enjoying the sunshine one afternoon about a week after he had run from the sheriff.  He called to him softly. ‘Hey fella!  Over here!’

 

The dog turned his head in his direction and trotted over to him.  Joe scratched him behind the ears, happy to someone to befriend after all this time. ‘Hey fella,’ he said. ‘I guess you’re a stray just like me huh?’

 

 

 

The dog nuzzled into him and Joe laughed for the first time in many days. ‘You wanta be friends eh?’ he said happily. ‘How about you and me get to now each other a bit eh?’  The dog trotted off a few steps and Joe followed him. ‘Come back here,’ he said. ‘Don’t go away!’  He followed the dog around to the front of the Livery Stable and out into the street. With his eyes on the dog and without looking where he was going he walked straight out in front of a horse and rider who reared up in front of him.  Joe stopped as he heard the rider’s angry exclamation and stood with wide eyes as the horse came down only inches from him.

 

 

 

‘Get off the street boy!’ shouted the man. ‘What on earth do you think you’re up to running out like that right in front of me?’

 

 

 

Joe turned and ran, eager to get away from the man and all the attention of all the people who had stopped to see what was happening.  He ran straight into the arms of a passer by who held onto him firmly. ‘Hold on there son,’ said the man. ‘Are you alright?’

 

 

 

Joe squirmed to get away. ‘Yes I’m fine,’ he said. ‘Let me go!’

 

 

 

The man continued to hold onto him. ‘Are you sure?’ he said. ‘I’m only concerned about……’

 

 

 

‘Joe!’ said a familiar voice and he looked up to see his brother Adam standing in front of him.’

 

 

 

‘Adam!’ he said as he launched himself at his brother and held onto him tightly. The man nodded to Adam and stepped back, the crowd around them dispersing. Joe held onto his brother’s neck for dear life, never intending to let go of him.

 

 

 

Adam stroked his little brother’s neck and crooned softly to him. ‘Joe!  Oh Joe! Where have you been little buddy?  We’ve been searching everywhere for you!’ Joe buried his face into his brother’s shoulder and began to sob. ‘It’s alright little buddy,’ said Adam and picked him up. He carried him to the side of the street and sat down on the edge of the sidewalk with his little brother in his lap.  ‘It’s alright now Joe,’ he kept saying over and over again. ‘I’ve got you now buddy.  It’s alright.’

 

 

 

Joe’s sobs gradually lessened and he began to hiccup.  He leant in towards his brother’s chest and listened to the beating of his heart, lulled by the sound.  Adam looked down at him and noted the dirty clothing and the dazed look on his face and his heart bled for the boy.  He had obviously been looking after himself all this time and Adam wondered just what he had lived on.

 

 

 

He tried to move the little boy to a sitting position, but Joe resisted. ‘Joe?’ he said. ‘Joe buddy I want you to listen to me.  Everything’s going to be alright now.  I’ve got you and I’m not going to let you go.  I just want you to sit up so that we can talk. OK?”

 

 

 

Joe nodded silently and allowed Adam to sit him up.  He still, however, clung to his brother’s neck as if for dear life. Slowly Adam turned the boy’s face up and forced him to look into his eyes. ‘You’re OK now little buddy,’ he said. ‘It’s going to be OK.  I’m going to take you back to our hotel and get you fed and cleaned up.  Hoss and Pa will be there, so you can see them alright?’

 

 

 

Adam felt his little brother’s body tense up and Joe shook his head. ‘No,’ he said.

 

 

 

Adam frowned at him. ‘You don’t want to go with me?’ he asked.

 

 

 

Joe nodded his head. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘But not back there. I can’t go back there if Pa is there. He’ll send me away again.’

 

 

 

Adam flinched. ‘No little buddy he won’t send you away.  Pa’s been looking for you too.  He’ll be really pleased that I found you.’

 

 

 

Joe shook his head again. ‘No,’ he said and tears began to fill his eyes. ‘Pa don’t want me no more Adam. He said he’s not my Pa no more. I was bad and he don’t want me to be his boy.’

 

 

 

Adam hugged the child tightly. ‘No Joe, that’s not true. Pa loves you and he does want you to be his son.  He just had……. Well he couldn’t  remember things very clearly for a while, but he’s better now.’ 

 

 

 

Joe shook his head again. ‘I don’t want to see him again,’ he said. ‘Don’t make me Adam. Can’t I just stay here with you?’

 

 

 

Adam shook his head. ‘Buddy I have to take you back there now.  I have to look after you.’

 

 

 

Joe looked up at his big brother trustingly. ‘Will ya look after me Adam?  Even if Pa tells ya not to?  I don’t want to be by myself no more.’

 

 

 

Adam felt tears forming in his eyes, but brushed them away in case his little brother noticed them. ‘Tell you what,’ he said. His one thought was to get the boy back to their Hotel room and he would try anything to get him there without a fuss. ‘I promise you that I’ll look after you no matter what, as long as you come with me now.  Agreed?’

 

 

 

Joe nodded and buried his head into his brother’s chest again. Adam cuddled the little boy to him thankfully and stood up with him still in his arms.  He could hardly wait to see the expression on Pa and Hoss’ faces when they saw that he had found Little Joe!

 

 

 

 

 

———————

 

 

 

 

 

‘Pa! Hoss!’ yelled Adam as he entered the hotel suite with his brother still in his arms. ‘Are you here?’

 

 

 

Hoss called from the other room. ‘I’m in here Adam.  Pa is still out……’  he stopped as he entered the room, his eyes fixated on the child in Adam’s arms. ‘Oh Lordy!’ he said. ‘Little Joe!  Where did ya find him Adam?’  He stepped forward and held out his arms to his little brother who reached out for him eagerly.

 

 

 

‘Down in the street,’ said Adam as he watched his two brothers hug. ‘It was sheer chance really.’

 

 

 

Hoss sat down on the bed, still hugging his little brother to him. ‘Oh shortshanks!’ he said. ‘I’ve missed ya so much boy!’

 

 

 

Joe looked up at his brother. ‘I missed ya too Hoss,’ he said. ‘I wanted to come and see you and Adam but I couldn’t.’

 

 

 

Adam sat down next to them and stroked his brother’s head. ‘Well we’re altogether now,’ he said. ‘And you’re not going away again, do you hear me?’ Joe nodded his head happily and grinned up at both his big brothers. He felt so happy to be with them again and he could almost feel the ache in his heart beginning to disappear already.  Adam looked over his head at Hoss and mouthed the words: ‘Where’s Pa?’

 

 

 

Hoss pointed to the window and motioned with his head. ‘Should be back soon,’ he said.

 

 

 

Joe looked up at his words. ‘Who’s back soon?’ he asked anxiously. ‘It’s not Pa is it?’

 

 

 

Adam continued to stroke his head gently. ‘Do you want something to eat?’ he asked. Joe nodded again, forgetting his father for the moment. ‘Alright, we’ll get you something,’ said Adam. He leant forward and sniffed. ‘And a hot bath too,’ he said. ‘You sure could use one little buddy.’

 

 

 

He began to stand up, but at that moment the door opened and their father entered the room.  He took one look at the scene on the bed and crossed the room immediately with his arms outstretched. ‘Joseph!’ he shouted. ‘My God!  Joseph!’ He reached out for his son, but Little Joe moved sideways and leapt into Adam’s lap.

 

 

 

‘No!’ he yelled. ‘Adam!’

 

 

 

Adam held onto his little brother, staring up at his father with a helpless look.  Ben knelt down next to them. ‘Joseph?’ he said softly. ‘It’s me son.  It’s your Pa.’

 

 

 

Joe buried his face into Adam’s chest and sobbed. ‘No!’ he said. ‘Adam!’

 

 

 

Adam patted him on the back. ‘It’s OK little buddy,’ he said. It’s Pa. See?’  He tried to pull his brother away from him to face him towards their father, but Joe resisted him.

 

 

 

‘No!’ cried Joe again. ‘I want you Adam!’

 

 

 

Ben knelt in front of his little boy with a horrified expression.  He reached out gently. ‘Joseph,’ he said soothingly. ‘I’m sorry son.  I didn’t mean to hurt you.  Honestly I didn’t.  I promise you I won’t hurt you again.’

 

 

 

Little Joe continued to sob in his brother’s arms.  Ben reached out and patted him tentatively on the head, but the boy pushed his hand away. ‘Leave me alone!’ he said. ‘I don’t want you to touch me!’

 

 

 

Tears began to fall from Ben’s eyes and he ached to take his son into his arms.  He tried again. ‘Little Joe,’ he whispered. ‘I love you son.  I’m sorry about what happened.  I truly didn’t mean it too.  Can you forgive me?’

 

 

 

Joe shook his head. ‘Go away!’ he shouted. ‘I don’t want you to be my Pa anymore!’

 

 

 

Ben felt as if a knife had gone through his chest.  He could understand the child’s reaction to him, but he didn’t know how to handle it. ‘Son,’ he said again. ‘Joseph, I ……..’

 

 

 

‘Adam!’ said Joe. ‘Make him go away!’

 

 

 

Adam looked at his father helplessly, not knowing what to say.  Ben stared at the child in his brother’s arms and then slowly got to his feet.  ‘We’ll have to give him a bit of time,’ he said softly. ‘It’s understandable that he…..’ his voice broke and he couldn’t go on.  He quickly turned so that they couldn’t see his tears. ‘I’ll order some food up for him and get some hot water organised for a bath.  Look after him boys.’

 

 

 

Adam and Hoss looked at each other as their father left the room again.  Adam hugged his little brother who continued to sob in his arms.  Outside in the hallway, Ben clung to the wall, the tears streaming down his face. 

 

 

 

 

 

——————

 

 

 

 

 

‘Had enough?’ asked Adam.  Joe nodded and put down the spoon. Adam took it from him and pushed him back onto the pillow.  ‘Now you need to get some sleep,’ he said. ‘Feel better after that bath?’  Joe nodded again and began to close his eyes. It felt so good to be in a bed again and he felt very sleepy.  He felt the bed shake as Adam stood up and he opened his eyes again immediately.

 

 

 

‘Where are you going?’ he asked anxiously. ‘Don’t leave me!’  he reached out and grabbed his brother’s sleeve.

 

 

 

Adam sat down again and patted him on the arm. ‘It’s alright buddy,’ he said. ‘I won’t leave you.’

 

 

 

Joe sighed and closed his eyes again.  Adam sat and watched the child for a few minutes until he was sure that he had drifted off to sleep, then he stood up. As he turned away from the bed he saw his father standing in the doorway. ‘Is he asleep?’ Ben asked.

 

 

 

Adam nodded. ‘Yes,’ he answered.

 

 

 

Ben took three steps forward and looked at his son in the bed with a hungry expression on his face. He reached down and stroked the curly hair softly. Adam watched silently, knowing what was going through his father’s mind.

 

 

 

‘He’ll come around Pa.  It won’t take long, you’ll see.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded and tried to smile at him. ‘I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t,’ he said sadly. ‘After all he’s been through, I wouldn’t blame him.’

 

 

 

‘Pa once he’s calmed down you have to explain to him what happened. He’ll understand in time.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded again. ‘I’ll just sit here with him for a while,’ he said. ‘Get some sleep son.’

 

 

 

Adam looked at him anxiously. ‘Are you sure?’ he said.

 

 

 

Ben motioned to him. ‘Yes I’m sure,’ he said. ‘I’ll call you if I need you.’  He settled himself in the chair next to his son’s bed as Adam left the room and watched his sleeping son.  How was he going to reach this child?  How could he make him understand just how much he loved him in spite of all that had happened?  Ben put his hand across his eyes and prayed that he would be make to make his boy trust him again.

 

 

 

 

 

———————

 

 

 

 

 

Joe opened his eyes and yawned sleepily.  He looked around him, wondering where he was and smiled as he remembered.  He had been found!  He had a family again!  He had Adam and Hoss and ….. he frowned and refused to allow his mind to go further. He had two brothers who loved him and he wasn’t alone any more, that’s all that mattered.

 

 

 

He looked across at the man sitting next to his bed and frowned.  ‘Hello Joseph,’ he heard him say. ‘Did you sleep well son?’

 

 

 

Joe continued to frown at the man. ‘Where’s my brother?’ he said. ‘Where’s Adam?’

 

 

 

Adam is asleep,’ said his father. ‘I’m sitting with you for a while.

 

 

 

Joe sat up. ‘I want Adam!’ he said. ‘Where is he?’

 

 

 

Ben reached forward. ‘Settle down Joseph,’ he said. ‘It’s alright.’

 

 

 

Joe shook off his father’s hand. ‘No!’ he said angrily. ‘Adam!’

 

 

 

The door opened and Adam entered the room. ‘What is it little buddy?’ he asked, stealing a glance at his father who sat silently by the bed.

 

 

 

Joe looked at him anxiously. ‘Where did you go?’ he asked anxiously. ‘You weren’t leaving me were you?’

 

 

 

The child’s words sent a shiver through Ben.  It was obvious that the child was still unsure of himself and Ben’s presence probably did nothing to help him.  Reluctantly he stood up and moved away from the bed. ‘Sit with him Adam,’ he said softly. ‘Try and find out how he is.’

 

 

 

Adam nodded and sat down in his father’s place as Ben walked to the door and positioned himself in the next room where he could still hear, but not be seen by Little Joe. ‘I told you I wouldn’t leave you Joe,’ he heard Adam say. ‘Just settle down now, OK?’

 

 

 

There was silence for a moment and then Adam continued. ‘Tell me buddy, where have you been this past week?  Where did you stay?’

 

 

 

‘Near where the stagecoaches are kept,’ said Little Joe. ‘I slept in the hayloft near the horses.’

 

 

 

‘What did you have to eat and drink?’ asked Adam.

 

 

 

‘There was food in the trashcan outside the café,’ explained Joe.  ‘And I got water from the trough when the horses wasn’t using it.  Some people told me not to, but I didn’t mind drinking it.’

 

 

 

Ben closed his eyes as he heard his son’s words.  ‘Dear God!’ he said softly to himself.

 

 

 

‘And who did you talk to?’ persisted Adam, more for his father’s benefit than his own. 

 

 

 

‘No one much, except a dog,’ said Little Joe.  His eyes misted over with tears. ‘I got real lonely some days and I wanted to come home, but I knew that I couldn’t.’

 

 

 

Adam stroked his little brother’s curls. ‘Why not buddy?  Why couldn’t you come home?’

 

 

 

Joe sniffed as he remembered. ‘I didn’t have no money,’ he said. ‘And the sheriff wanted me to go with that mean man so I couldn’t go back to him.’

 

 

 

‘Why didn’t you tell the sheriff who you were?’ asked Adam. ‘If you told him where you lived he would have sent us a wire.’

 

 

 

Joe looked at his brother, the tears beginning to fall. ‘But I couldn’t!’ he said. ‘Pa wouldn’t have let me stay with you and Hoss.  He told me to go away!’

 

 

 

Ben felt his heart breaking.

 

 

 

Adam bent forward. ‘Joe, Pa didn’t know what he was saying,’ he explained. ‘He fell and hit his head and he didn’t remember who you were that’s all. If Hoss or I had been there he wouldn’t have known us either.’ Joe looked at his brother silently. ‘He was sick Joe, and he didn’t know what he was saying.  He just couldn’t remember.’ Joe still said nothing and Adam looked at his brother intently. ‘Pa is really sorry for what he said to you Joe.  He wants you to forgive him.’

 

 

 

Joe bent his head and studied the blanket. ‘Joe?’ said Adam. ‘Did you hear what I said?’

 

 

 

Joe nodded his head. ‘Yes,’ he said.

 

 

 

‘Well?’

 

 

 

Joe still said nothing.  From the doorway Ben spoke. ‘Your brother is telling you the truth Joseph. I didn’t know who you were when I told you to go away.  I’m more sorry than you will ever know son.  I….. I will never forgive myself for what I’ve done to you, but I hope that you can forgive me.’

 

 

 

Joe looked up at the man that he loved more than anything in his life. He longed to fling himself into his father’s arms and feel his comforting hug, but something held him back.  In his mind he heard the words again that had hurt him so much.  I told you to go away and I meant it!  Joe looked deep into his father’s eyes, but the words kept coming back to haunt him.  And stop calling me your Pa when I’m not!

 

 

 

‘Joseph?’ said Ben leaning close to his son. ‘Do you understand what I’m saying to you son?’ If you don’t go away I’ll call the police! Now scat!

 

 

 

‘Yes,’ said Joe softly. ‘I understand.’

 

 

 

Ben bent forward as he tentatively hugged the boy and kissed him on the top of his head.  He was glad when the child didn’t pull away from him this time, but he also felt the stiffness of his body as his son held himself away from his father.  It was obvious that he was doing no more than tolerating the touch.  Ben closed his eyes as the thought occurred to him that it was at least a start!

 

 

 

 

 

——————

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘Do you want to sit next to the window Joe?’ said Hoss. ‘That way you can see the scenery.’

 

 

 

Joe nodded eagerly as he climbed up into the stagecoach, but hesitated for a moment as he looked around.  There were two spaces left. One between his father and the window and the other in between his two brothers.  He squeezed himself in between Adam and Hoss without commenting.

 

 

 

‘I thought you wanted to sit next to the window Joseph?’ said his father. ‘There’s plenty of room here.’ He patted the seat next to him with a smile.

 

 

 

Joe shook his head and sat back on the seat. ‘No thank you,’ he said politely. ‘I want to sit here.’

 

 

 

Ben tried to hide the hurt look on his face, but it didn’t go unnoticed by Adam and Hoss. ‘It’s squashy with all of us here together,’ said Adam. ‘Go and sit next to Pa.’

 

 

 

Joe shook his head and didn’t move, so Hoss stood up with  a sigh and sat next to his father to give his brothers more room.  No one said a word as the stagecoach jolted forward and they began their journey home.

 

 

 

Joe looked out of the window at the passing scenery.  He was very pleased to be going home at last, but he was still worried about things.  During the past two days he had clung to his brothers and tried to avoid being left alone with his father at all costs.  It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be with him, but rather that he was scared to be alone with him.  What if his Pa went away and left him again?  How did he know that he would be able to trust him not to leave him again?  He wanted so much to believe that his father loved him and wanted him again, but somehow he couldn’t bring himself to quite believe it.  It was much safer to be with his brothers!

 

 

 

Ben spent the time watching his youngest son as he gazed out of the window.  He wanted so much to touch his son and assure him that everything would be alright, but every time he tried to reach the boy he pushed him aside. He had hoped that time would help, but here they were two days later and Joseph was still making it very clear that he was only barely tolerating his father.

 

 

 

Ben tried again. ‘Joseph?’ he said.  Joe looked at his father. ‘See over there son? That mountain is a place that is sacred to the Indians.  Do you want to hear a story about why?’

 

 

 

Joe shook his head and turned back towards the window again. ‘No thank you,’ he said in a polite voice. Ben looked out of the window himself trying to keep the disappointment from showing on his face. He felt that he couldn’t go on like this for much longer.  If the boy didn’t open up to him soon he was afraid that he would end up shouting at him and he desperately wanted to avoid doing anything that would upset Joseph even further.  Instead he clenched his jaw and merely stared out of the window resolutely.

 

 

 

After a few hours they arrived at Placerville.  ‘Half-hour stop!’ announced the driver.

 

 

 

‘Would you like to go and get some sandwiches for us son?’ said Ben, handing Hoss some money.

 

 

 

‘Sure Pa,’ said Hoss. ‘Come on Joe, we’ll buy some lunch OK?’

 

 

 

Joe nodded to his brother and they crossed the road together. Hoss entered the small café and his little brother followed close behind him.  As Hoss ordered the sandwiches Joe looked around him, remembering that this was the same café in which he and his father had eaten once before. 

 

 

 

Moments later all four Cartwrights were siting in the sunshine outside munching on their sandwiches.  Joe had taken care to sit in between Hoss and Adam again, which didn’t go unnoticed by his father.  Ben felt an ache in his heart as the watched the youngster eat and wished desperately to find the way to make everything right between them again.

 

 

 

When he had finished eating, Joe stood up and began to hop up and down on one foot. ‘I gotta go Adam,’ he said, tugging on his brother’s sleeve.

 

 

 

Adam looked down at him, then up to his father. ‘Pa’ll take you,’ he said. ‘Won’t you Pa?’

 

 

 

Ben nodded his head and held out his hand. ‘Of course I will,’ he said. Come on Joseph, I’ll show you where.’

 

 

 

Joe shook his head. ‘No I don’t gotta go after all,’ he said and sat down next to Adam again. ‘I’m fine.’

 

 

 

‘Don’t be silly Joseph,’ said Ben, trying not to sound cross. ‘We’ve been on the stagecoach for hours.  Come along.’

 

 

 

Joe shook his head and held onto Adam’s hand. Ben sighed. ‘Adam would you take your brother please?’ he said.

 

 

 

Adam nodded and led his younger brother around the corner towards the outhouse. ‘You’re not being very nice to Pa,’ he said crossly. ‘He only wants to help you!’ Joe said nothing, but clutched his brother’s hand even tighter. ‘Well hurry up then!’ said Adam, indicating the outhouse. ‘Do you need to go or don’t you?’

 

 

 

‘Yes,’ said Joe and scampered inside.  Within a minute he was out again, looking around anxiously for his brother.

 

 

 

‘Now wait here for me,’ said Adam.

 

 

 

Joe looked at him anxiously. ‘No,’ he said. ‘I want to come with you!’

 

 

 

Adam gave him a frustrated look. ‘I’m only going in there,’ he said. ‘And you sure aren’t coming with me little buddy.  Now be a good boy and either wait here or go back to the stage by yourself.’

 

 

 

Joe frowned at him. ‘I’ll wait for you,’ he said.

 

 

 

Adam hesitated. ‘I think you can go back by yourself, don’t you?’ he asked. He was becoming increasingly worried about his little brother’s attitude and wanted help the boy separate from him a bit. ‘Go on Joe, it’s just around there.’ Joe hesitated. ‘Go on,’ Adam urged. ‘You know the way.’

 

 

 

Joe nodded and turned away from his brother.  He knew he was being silly, but he couldn’t help it.  He just felt as if he had to stick close to his brother in case…….in case what? he wondered.  He shook his head as he walked slowly. He knew what.  He was scared of being left alone again and he didn’t like feeling like this.  He knew he was being a baby and couldn’t keep tagging along with his brothers all the time, but……..

 

 

 

Joe stopped and thought.  If only he could prove to himself that it was alright to be alone for a little while!  He decided to set himself a little test.  With his shoulders back he deliberately turned down an alleyway that he thought led away from the main street where the stagecoach was.  He thought he would just walk once around the block quickly and then he would know that it was alright.

 

 

 

He quickened his pace in order to make the test as short as possible.  Already he felt his heart beating faster and he began to run to the end of the alleyway.  Quickly he turned a corner and began to run even faster until he was quite out of breath.  Suddenly he came up to a brick wall and stopped.  The alley had come to an abrupt end and he knew he would have to go back the way he had come.

 

 

 

Joe turned and began to retrace his steps, anxious now to get back as soon as possible.  Unfortunately he took a wrong turn and soon realised that he didn’t recognise any of the buildings that he was passing. He stopped and stood still for a moment, not knowing which way to go and he began to search around him frantically for a landmark he recognised.

 

 

 

‘You alright boy?’ said a man standing in the doorway of a building.

 

 

 

Joe looked up at him, trying to keep calm. ‘I …….I don’t know which way to go,’ he said anxiously. ‘I don’t know where I am.’

 

 

 

The man smiled at him. ‘Depends on where you want to be,’ he said casually. ‘Where are you going boy?’

 

 

 

‘I….. I need to go back to where the stagecoaches are,’ said Joe, his voice trembling. ‘My…….. my family is there, but I don’t know where to go.’

 

 

 

‘Up there,’ said the man. ‘Go back up this alley and turn left.’

 

 

 

Joe smiled at him gratefully and turned to run back up the alley as fast as his legs would carry him, his heart besting wildly.  As he got to the end of it he turned left as the man had said and saw a tall figure standing at the end of the alley silhouetted against the sunlight. ‘Pa!’ he shouted with relief and ran towards his father. ‘Pa!  I’m here!’ He flung himself on his father and hugged him tightly around the waist. ‘I thought I was lost,’ he said. ‘I didn’t know where to go!’

 

 

 

‘Joseph it’s alright,’ said Ben holding on to his son’s shoulders. ‘Calm down. Your brothers and I wondered where you had got to.’

 

 

 

Joe looked up at his father with tears in his eyes. ‘Pa?’ he said. ‘Pa don’t leave me!’ he flung his arms around his father’s neck, sobbing.

 

 

 

Ben held his son to him tightly. ‘Joseph,’ he said. ‘Joseph son, it’s alright.  Your Pa’s here now.’  He closed his eyes and said a prayer of thanks to God for giving him the chance to hug his son again as he had longed to do for days.  He knelt down in the dirt and pulled his little boy towards his chest as he stroked his silky curls and murmured to him.

 

 

 

Joe sobbed into his father’s shoulder, all the emotions of the past days finally catching up with him.  It felt so good to feel his father’s touch again and the thought of being held in the man’s arms was overwhelming. ‘Pa please don’t leave me!’ he sobbed. ‘I’m sorry I was bad. I didn’t mean to be, really I didn’t!  Let me stay with you Pa, please!’

 

 

 

Ben held onto his little son even tighter. ‘I’m so sorry Joseph,’ he murmured. ‘I’m so sorry son.  Please forgive me.’

 

 

 

Joe put his head up and looked at his father with the tears running freely down his cheeks. ‘You won’t leave me again will you Pa?’ he said. ‘I want to go home with you.  I promise I won’t be bad again.’

 

 

 

Ben held onto his son by the shoulders and looked into his eyes intently. ‘I want you to listen to me Joe,’ he said. ‘I will never leave you again.  I’m your Pa and I love you more than anything on God’s earth.  You belong with me for as long as you want to.  Do you understand me son?’

 

 

 

Joe nodded at his father and clasped him around the neck again. ‘Yes,’ he said.

 

 

 

‘And it doesn’t matter how you behave,’ continued his father. ‘Whether you’re in trouble or not I will always be your father who loves you. Do you believe that son?’

 

 

 

Joe nodded again. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘I want to be your boy again Pa.’

 

 

 

Father and son hugged each other tightly as they knelt in the dirt.  After a few moments picked his son up and headed back towards the stagecoach with him.  He put the boy inside and climbed up after him. 

 

 

 

After a few moments Adam and Hoss appeared around the corner of a building. ‘Time to go!’ yelled the driver. ‘Everyone on board.’  Hoss looked around anxiously. ‘It’s alright,’ said the man. ‘The other two are in the coach.’

 

 

 

A relieved Hoss climbed on board, followed by Adam. ‘You found him then OK Pa?’ said Hoss as they seated themselves. 

 

 

 

Ben smiled back at them both. ‘Yes I found him,’ he said.  He put his arm around Joe who was seated beside him and planted a kiss on the top of his head. Adam and Hoss exchanged glances and smiled as Joe cuddled into his father with a contented look on his face. ‘I found him again,’ Ben repeated happily. 

 

 The End

 

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.