Summary:  Adam, Hoss and Ben try to will Little Joe back to consciousness after an accident

Rated: K (3,490 words)

Bedside

Adam

I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help but feel responsible for it. Every time I think about that kid being there I know I should have made sure that he did as he was told and left when I said to. But as Pa says, Joe never was much good at obeying orders. Wish he had yesterday though. If only……….. no. It doesn’t do any good to live in the past, that’s one thing I’ve learned in life. Nothing changes just because we wish it too. Especially this.

Pa looks so tired. I wish I could convince him to get some sleep, but I know that he won’t for a while yet. Fool kid! Just when you least expect it Joe up and does something like this and causes Pa worry again. Causes it for all of us……Hoss doesn’t look too crash hot either. Why does the kid always seem to get himself into these situations? If he’d only listened ……….no, if he’d only done as he should have and not been up at the timber mill in the first place!

What’s the point of thinking like this? He’ll never change. Problem is of course that none of us would want him to be any different and that’s what makes it so hard to deal with. He’s just such a pain, but he’s such fun at the same time. Fun…. that’s something I could probably do with in my life. Nobody’s fault really…….just the way it had to be, but sometimes I miss not having had the chance to be like Joe.

Pa probably feels guilty about it at times. In fact I know he does. I’ve seen it in his eyes at times when he looks at me. I can’t help it if I’m too serious for his liking at times. I try not to be because I know how it makes him feel, but I can’t go against my nature. No more than this kid here I suppose. We’re all born the way were are and we really can’t do much about it.

Take Hoss for example. He’s probably the most easy-going one of all of us and look at him now. Fretting himself over the kid like the world was about to end. Yet he can’t admit that Joe caused the problem in the first place. Well he probably can, but he’s ready to forgive him for it in the blink of an eye.

That’s what causes a lot of Joe’s problems I think. Pa and Hoss are always ready to make excuses for him and to let him off the hook. Just as well I’m usually around to talk some sense into them. Otherwise he’d be even more spoilt. Pa was so ready to kill the kid yesterday, but when he wakes up I’m sure he’ll be all over him and let him off yet again.

Not that I blame him really if the truth be known. Joe’s such a charmer that he even gets me going half the time. Not this time though! I’m not saying that he deserves to be lying there like this. No, I’d give anything to see him open his eyes and laugh at me again. But when he does……well, heaven help him that’s all that I can say!

Thinks he can carry on and do exactly what he wants all the time and get away with it does he? Well not this time Joe Cartwright! You just wake up and see what’s in store for you kid! I’m sick and tired of covering for him all the time with Pa. It’s time he took responsibility for what he does and stops hiding behind Hoss and me while we get him out of it. Oh no, Joseph…. You’re in for it this time!

Pa looks so worried. I wonder if he told us all that Paul said to him out there. I hope he’s being honest with Hoss and I. It’d be just like him not to be. He’s always trying to shield us from knowing. What he doesn’t realise is that its better to know than to guess what’s going on. Maybe Joe is worse than he said. Maybe …… No. Pa would have said. He couldn’t possibly hope to hide it from us if it was that bad. He’d know that wouldn’t be fair.

Still…..the way that Paul looked at him when he left. It wasn’t such a bad fall after all. Only quite minor really. Then why is it that he hasn’t woken up yet? It’s been hours after all. Damn fool kid! Now he’s got me all worried as well. Honestly…….some days I just wish he’d……… no I don’t really. That’s just stupid. What would it do to Pa after all if anything serious happened to his youngest?

Pa’s always been like that. Always had a real soft spot for the kid. I know we all do really. Sometimes it’s hard not to show it though. Wonder why I don’t like to let on to the kid how a really feel about him? Who knows….. maybe because if I did he’d know. He’d be able to see inside me and realise how I feel about lots of things. Can’t let anyone do that. Not even Pa.

Strange how a man builds a wall up around himself so high that it’s impossible to knock it down again. I started building my wall years ago. Can’t even remember when really. All I know is that it was always there and I had to build it higher all the time. What’s inside I wonder? Sometimes I don’t even let myself know. Wish I could.

Wish I could be like the kid. He’s got no wall to knock down. He’s an open space to anyone that wants to see the true Joe. It’d be nice to be like that at times. Never having to be careful of what people might think. Never having to play things by the book and be sure about what I say and do. Not me though……it’s just not in my nature.

Still…….. the kid’s got a point. Must be a nice way to live your life. Sure gets him what he wants. Pa and Hoss think the world of him. So does Hop Sing. So does everyone else he comes in contact with really. So do I when all’s said and done.

Just wish he’d open those eyes of his and give me the chance to say something sarcastic to him again. I’d give anything to see that cheeky look on his face again. Can’t stand this much longer!

God…please help Pa if anything happens to Joe. I don’t think he could take it one more time. Not after…… I don’t think I could take it either. Wonder why some families seem to get more than their fair share? Well the Cartwrights have sure had their fair share and I don’t aim to let us go through this again.

Wake up you damn fool kid! Listen to me…..you are not going to do this to any of us! We’re not going to put up with it Joe. Open your eyes damn you and listen to me!

Hoss

Hey come on shortshanks it’s Hoss here. Listen ta me kid and come back to us will ya? We need ya little buddy, you know that for a fact. Why’d ya have ta go and do a fool thing like this for? I mighta known ya’d go and ruin things again.

Seems like every time I turn around you’re in some sort of trouble. Every since ya was a littleun and Pa’d make me look after ya all the time. That was a waste of time mostly anyways. Couldn’t for the life of me understand how one kid could get up to so much mischief even when I was watching ya so closely.

Guess its like Pa said and you’re a mischief magnet. Poor Pa! Look at him sitting there holding onto ya hand like its gonna help bring ya back ta us. Well maybe it will…….who knows? Stranger things have happened. Sure wish he didn’t haveta go through this with ya though. Pa’s had enough ta worry about in his life without you doing this ta him all the time.

How many times have ya got yaself into some kind of fix little buddy? And every time poor Pa and Adam and me has ta bail ya out again. Well here we go again is all I can say. Only I hope ta God we can do it this time. Doc Martin sure didn’t look too pleased when he felt that head of yours. Wonder what he really thinks about it. Sometimes I don’t know about that doctor. I mean…. he’s great at what he does and lord knows he’s brought you though a time or two……..but he doesn’t always speak plain if ya know what I mean.

Sometimes I reckon he doesn’t always tell us the truth. Thinks we’ll get all upset or something. Well I’ve got news fer ya Doc. It’s too late! We’re all upset now, like it or not. Who wouldn’t be after all looking at that face. Open ya eyes little buddy……… I promise I won’t be mad at ya fer what ya did!

Bet Adam is though. I can jest tell from the look on his face. Oh yeah…..he’s hopping mad at what ya did this time. Should have listened ta him and left when he told ya to shouldn’t ya? Oh yeah mr high and mighty will be ready ta tell ya so when ya open them eyes of yours fer sure. Just give him the chance ta tell ya off again will ya shortshanks? Its won’t last long and then we’ll get back ta normal again.

Pa’ll be mad too once he gets ta think about it. After all ya shouldn’t have been up there in the first place. Why do ya always manage ta be in the wrong places buddy? Why can’t ya ever do as ya’re told? Guess ya wouldn’t be our Little Joe if ya did. I mean……ya sure can be a pest, but ya’re kind of cute in a pesky way.
Come on little buddy open ya eyes and smile fer Hoss will ya? I promise I won’t let them be mad at ya fer long. They’ll get over it eventually. Come on buddy.

I shoulda made sure ya weren’t going up there in the first place. I heard Pa tell ya not when ya talked about it, but did I follow ya? No I didn’t…….. and that’s where the problem started I guess. I know what Pa’d say iffen I told him that. He’d say that I wasn’t responsible fer your actions. As if that’s true!

You and I both know that I’ve always been responsible fer ya little buddy. Adam always thought he was, but he was wrong. It’s always been you and me Joe. Since the day ya became my little brother I’ve felt a hankering ta look after ya that I don’t fer anyone else. Guess no one else lays claim on me like you do little brother. You’re the only little brother I got and I ain’t about ta let ya go that’s fer sure.

I’m getting angry with ya now Joe. Listen ta what I’m saying ta ya boy! I told ya ta open them eyes of yours and I mean it. Please. Aw, come on Joe. Quit playing games will ya? Pa’s worried and this ain’t no time ta be doing this ta him. Ta Adam or me either.

Poor old Adam over there. He tries ta let on that he’s OK with all this but he ain’t really. I can tell what he’s thinking. He tries ta make out that he’s angry and when ya do open them eyes he’ll pretend ta be. But the truth is he’s just as upset as Pa and me about all this. I hope he don’t blame himself fer any if this. It weren’t his fault that you ended up there. He said he told ya to go back home. I know exactly how he would have done it too.

He would have been all bossy and told ya ta git. And then you would have done the opposite just ta get him all riled up. Never could get on you two could ya? On the surface at least. I know how it really is though. Ya both won’t admit it, but ya love each other really. Even Pa don’t know how much. But I do. I know because I’ve got both of ya inside of me. I know how ya both feel. I’m ya brother after all Mr high and mighty Adam and I know ya adore the kid just like I do. Ain’t no good denying it ta me ya know. It’s just a waste of time.

And you shortshanks…….well you’re just as bad. Pretending all the time that ya don’t care. Specially in the last couple of years since big brother came back from College. Ya do care little buddy. Ya care an awful lot, but ya just won’t show it. Wonder why ya both carry on like that? Never could figure it out myself.

Guess I’m in the middle in more ways than one. I love ya both and I don’t mind showing it. Wish ya’d both learn ta get over this. Mind you, I can get really angry with both of ya too…..like now. I’m getting riled up with all this Joe. Stop it now and open those eyes will ya? I don’t want ta hafta get mad with ya but I will if ya don’t listen ta me soon little buddy!

Don’t do this will ya? Are ya listening ta me Joe? Hey buddy….it’s Hoss here. Do as you’re told will ya? I can’t stand it Joe. Open ya eyes. I can’t stand the thought of you being like this any more.

Ben

Come on son do it for Pa, will you? Come on Joseph, enough is enough. It’s time to wake up now son. Are you listening to me? I’m not mad with you Joseph, I just want you to open your eyes son. Come on now.

God! I can’t take much more of this. How many more times Lord? How can you ask this of me again? Haven’t I been through enough without this too? Why Joseph of all people? He’s only a child. Why him? What did he ever do to deserve this?

I know. I should have more faith in you….but it’s so hard. How many times have I said this to myself only to have life deal me another hard blow? Well not this time Lord! You can’t have my Joseph.

Joe? Son listen to me. It’s alright boy. Pa’s not mad with you. Well maybe I was a bit, but it doesn’t matter any more. Nothing matters except that you’ll be alright. I want you to open your eyes and listen to me. Alright…..I know you did the wrong thing, but we’ll talk that through like we always do. It’s not worth all this…..nothing is. All that matters is that you come back to your brothers and me.

Poor boys. I know they’re taking this hard. Lord, they’ve been through enough too. Don’t do this to them please. I won’t be able to stand it. It’s bad enough for me, but they shouldn’t have to go through this as well. Especially when I know they’ll be blaming themselves for it. Oh I know, there no reason for them to…..but I know what they’re like.

Both of them have always made it their responsibility to watch out for their little brother. Partly my fault of course because they knew I expected it of them. But what choice did I have? Lord knows I couldn’t deal with this youngster by myself and survived. I needed their help and I’m so grateful that they’re the kind of brothers to look out for Joseph.

I hope they don’t realise how serious this is….. I suspect that they do though. I saw the look Adam gave Paul and I when we left the room. He thinks we’re not telling him the whole truth. But how can I? How can I tell him that Paul’s not sure which way this will go? He and Hoss love this boy so much, I don’t want to upset them even more. Maybe I’m wrong…..I don’t know. God help me I just don’t know what to do any more. Joseph son come on now. Open your eyes please!

Hoss will be so upset over this if anything happens to the boy. They’re just so close I don’t know what he’ll do. Adam too. He tries to hide it, but he can’t from me. He tries to make out that he cares about the boy behaves and tells me all the time how much I spoil him, but I know that given half a chance he’d do it too. He does do it! He thinks I don’t know about all the times he and Hoss care for him. Well maybe I don’t, but I sure know more than they think.

I really can’t win when I think about it. Adam criticises me for being too soft with the boy and Hoss says I’m too hard on him. All I know is that its hard at times to know what to do with him.

I don’t even know if Paul’s being honest with me to tell the truth. I saw the look on his face when he was examining him. How can such a small bump on the head cause all this? It doesn’t look that bad, but it must be if he hasn’t woken up by now. Who’s to know with heads…they’re always tricky. You never can tell. Sometimes they’re just so much worse than they look.

He’s so still. Hasn’t got much colour either. Is this how it’s going to be? Is this the way his short life will end? I can’t think like that! It’s not going to be like this….I just won’t let it. It doesn’t matter what Paul says. This boy is going to make it. He’s strong, I know that. He might be little, but he’s tough. Always has been. I remember when he was born. No one gave him much chance then, but I knew he’d make it. Always had a strong will this child. That’s probably what’s got him into all the trouble he manages to attract, but in this case it’s a blessing. You hear that Joseph? You’re strong son. You can do this! Come on boy….. use some of that stubbornness and you’ll through this. I know you will.

Being a single father isn’t easy Lord, you know that. You know how hard I’ve tried…..with all of them. But this one just tests me to the limit. He seems to spend his life thinking up ways to get into trouble. I’ve done my best with him, but it just hasn’t been good enough. What kind of father lets his son get hurt in this way?

I should have been stricter with him. I should have made it clearer that he wasn’t to go up there. Then he would never……no! I can’t take all the responsibility for this. Joseph is old enough to know when to obey my instructions.

That’s the problem. He’s old enough, but he’s just so darned wilful. Reminds me so much of ………my darling I’m so sorry! I promised you I’d always look out for him and look what I’ve allowed to happen to him. How could I have done this? You trusted me with our precious son and now………..Marie help him! Don’t let him be taken away from us. I couldn’t stand it Marie. He’s all I have left of you.

I know I’m being selfish my love. I know you probably want him with you now, but I need him so much. Please don’t take him away from me yet! I’ve only had him for a short time…….. I couldn’t bear to let him go. Please Marie, help him to stay with me!

I can’t……… Oh God please help me! I can’t let this child go! I….. Joseph! I want you to listen to me son……….this is Pa son. I want you to open your eyes for me. Do it for me Little Joe. Do it for Pa. Please son! You can do it……. I know that you can!

Epilogue

Little Joe’s eyes fluttered open and he looked up at his father and brothers. ‘What happened?’ he whispered.

‘Shhh…..it’s alright now Joseph. Everything’s going to be alright now son.’

The End