Summary:  Joe takes responsibility for his actions and as a result finds himself trapped in a loveless relationship  

Rated: T (22,910 words)

 

Taking Responsibility

Joe Cartwright knocked on the door and took off his hat while he waited.  He smiled as a young girl about his own age opened the door. ‘Hi Anna,’ he said. ‘Your note said you wanted to see me?’

 

 

 

Anna Reeves licked her lips before replying. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Thank you for coming Joe.’

 

 

 

‘Well?’ he said when she didn’t say any more. ‘Aren’t you going to invite me in?’

 

 

 

Anna glanced behind her. ‘Do you mind if we go out for a ride?’ she said. ‘I need to talk to you and I’d rather not do it here.’

 

 

 

Joe shrugged. ‘Sure,’ he said.

 

 

 

‘I’ll just be a minute,’ she said and closed the door again. Joe sat on the railing of the front porch while he waited and whistled softly as he looked at the people passing by in the street.  He wondered what on earth Anna could have to talk to him about.  After all, they hadn’t been out for about a month now and he felt that it was all over between them.  He was sure that Anna had felt the same, as she had hardly spoken to him during the last few weeks and hadn’t seemed at all upset when he had started going out with Becky Anderson. He sure hoped that she didn’t want to start it up with him again as he didn’t want to have to hurt her feelings.  Going out with Anna had been nice while it had lasted, but she wasn’t exactly his type and he was glad that he had found that out quickly.

 

 

 

He stood up as the door opened again. ‘Papa said that we could have the buggy,’ she said. ‘Is that OK with you?’

 

 

 

‘Sure,’ he said. ‘I’ll leave my horse here and pick him up later. Where do you wanna go to talk?’

 

 

 

‘I don’t care,’ she said as he helped her into the buggy. ‘Anywhere will do.’

 

 

 

Joe hitched up the horses and they drove in silence until they reached the riverbank. ‘Will here do?’ Joe asked as he pulled the horses to a halt. Anna nodded and he glanced at her as he felt her tense up. ‘Is something the matter?’ he asked.

 

 

 

She shook her head. ‘Let’s just sit down on the grass,’ she suggested. ‘I need to talk to you Joe.’

 

 

 

Joe helped her down from the buggy and they both sat side by side on the grass in silence. ‘Well for someone who just had to talk to me you’re sure being mighty silent,’ he said with a smile. ‘What is it?’

 

 

 

Anna licked her lips. ‘Joe this is serious,’ she said in a quiet voice.

 

 

 

He glanced at her and noticed the way in which she was fiddling with the edges of her shawl nervously. ‘Anna I hope you don’t want to start seeing each other again,’ he began. ‘Because I’m seeing Becky now and I…’

 

 

 

Anna put her hand up to stop him. ‘Joe please just listen to me,’ she said. ‘I need to tell you something.’

 

 

 

Joe waited. ‘What?’ he said finally.

 

 

 

Anna looked away from him. ‘I’m …. I’m in trouble,’ she said.

 

 

 

Joe stared at her. ‘Can I help?’ he asked.

 

 

 

Anna sighed. ‘You don’t understand, do you?’ she said. Joe continued to stare at her. ‘I’m in trouble,’ she repeated.

 

 

 

Suddenly Joe’s eyes widened. ‘Oh,’ he said lamely. ‘I see.’  He bit his lip and looked at the ground, embarrassed. ‘Well… have you told your folks? I mean they’ll help you… I’m sure they will.’ 

 

 

 

‘I needed to tell you first,’ said Anna quietly.

 

 

 

Joe looked up at her. ‘What?’ he said, his eyes widening. His thoughts began to spin in his head and he stood up and walked towards the water.  He stared down at the water’s edge, suddenly feeling dizzy.  It was a full minute before he turned to face her again. ‘Are you sure?’ he asked quietly.

 

 

 

Anna nodded. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I’ve been to see Doctor Martin.’

 

 

 

Joe closed his eyes for a moment and tried to gather his thoughts. ‘But it was only the one time,’ he said.

 

 

 

‘It only takes once,’ she said bitterly.

 

 

 

Joe walked back and sat next to her again. There was silence as they both sat and looked at the river. ‘I guess we’ll have to get married then,’ Joe said after a moment.  ‘It’s the right thing to do.’

 

 

 

Anna looked at him. ‘Are you sure?’ she said.

 

 

 

Joe nodded. ‘It’s the right thing to do,’ he repeated woodenly. ‘We have to.’

 

 

 

Anna swallowed. ‘We’d better tell our folks then,’ she said. ‘Soon.’

 

 

 

‘Tonight,’ said Joe in the same wooden voice.

 

 

 

Anna nodded. ‘Yes,’ she agreed. ‘Tonight.’

 

 

 

Joe stood up and pulled her to her feet. ‘We’d better get back,’ he said. ‘The sooner we get this over with the better.’  He avoided looking at her while he helped her up onto the buggy again and with a heavy heart he turned the horses back towards town again.

 

 

 

 

 

+++++++

 

 

 

 

 

Joe stood on the landing of the stairs and looked down at his father as he worked at his desk.  With every fibre of his being he wanted to turn and walk upstairs again, away from the scene that he knew was about to unfold.  But instead he took a deep breath and walked down slowly until he was standing in front of the desk and staring at the top of his father’s head.

 

 

 

Ben looked up and smiled at his son. ‘Yes Joe?’ he asked. ‘Is there something I can do for you son?’

 

 

 

Joe licked his lips nervously. ‘Um… could I talk to you please Pa?’ he said tentatively.

 

 

 

Ben put down his pen and sat back in his chair. ‘Of course. What is it?’

 

 

 

Joe raked his hand through his thick curls. ‘Um… could we sit on the sofa?  It’s kinda important.’

 

 

 

Ben frowned as he noticed how agitated his son seemed to be. ‘Sure,’ he said as he stood up and walked across the room.  ‘What is it Joe?’  He sat on the sofa and motioned for the boy to sit down next to him but to his surprise Joe sat instead on one of the large easy chairs to the side, away from his father. He studied his son intensely and noted the way in which he was nervously biting his lower lip and the agitated fidgeting of his hands.  Something was obviously really troubling the boy. ‘Joe what is it?’ he asked again as he bent forward and looked directly at him.

 

 

 

Joe looked away from his father and stared into the fireplace. ‘I… um… I need to tell you something Pa,’ he said quietly.

 

 

 

There was silence for a moment. ‘Yes?’ prompted Ben.

 

 

 

Joe licked his lips again. ‘Its … well it’s kinda personal.’  Ben waited patiently for his son to summon up the courage to say whatever it was that he needed to. ‘Um… you know Anna Reeves don’t you?’ 

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘Yes.’

 

 

 

‘Well she… she told me that she’s….’

 

 

 

Joe stood up and began to pace up and down in front of the fireplace while Ben watched him anxiously. ‘Joseph what it is you have to tell me you’d better get it over with son.  Just come straight out with it.’

 

 

 

Joe sat down again and faced his father, squaring his shoulders and looking at him directly for the first time. ‘Anna told me that she’s… well she’s gonna have a baby.’  He stopped and looked away from his father again and stared into the fireplace.

 

 

 

Ben’s eyes narrowed. ‘I see,’ he said after a moment. ‘And how does this affect you Joseph?’ he asked quietly.

 

 

 

Joe swallowed before he answered his father. ‘It’s mine,’ he said in a whisper.

 

 

 

There was another silence before Ben spoke again. ‘You’re sure about this?’ he asked. Joe nodded. Ben shut his eyes for a moment and tried to retain his composure. ‘I see,’ he said again. ‘Well…’ his voice trailed off as he tried to find the right words to say to his son. ‘I suppose you understand how I must feel about this?’ Joe nodded again, still avoiding his father’s eyes.

 

 

 

‘Well Joseph, I suppose there’s no point talking about the past,’ continued his father. ‘What’s done is done.’

 

 

 

Joe looked at him. ‘I’m sorry Pa,’ he said. ‘I know you’re feeling very disappointed in me right about now.’

 

 

 

Ben stared at the boy. ‘Yes Joseph I am,’ he said. ‘Very disappointed. But my main concern at the moment is what to do about this situation.’

 

 

 

Joe licked his lips again. ‘Well me and Anna already talked about that,’ he said.

 

 

 

‘And what did you decide?’

 

 

 

‘We thought that we should get married I guess.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded thoughtfully. ‘I see.’  He studied at his son’s face. ‘Are you in love with this girl Joseph?’

 

 

 

Joe shook his head. ‘No,’ he admitted. ‘But I guess it’s too late to think about that now.’  He heaved his shoulders and gave a loud sigh. ‘I reckon we just gotta think about…. think about the baby.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded again. ‘Well I’m glad to hear you say that,’ he said. ‘This isn’t an ideal situation by any means Joe, but at least you know where your responsibilities lie.’  He shook his head. ‘How old is Anna?’

 

 

 

‘A few months younger than me,’ replied Joe. ‘She’s just turned nineteen.’

 

 

 

Ben shook his head for the third time and sighed. ‘Well I suppose we’d better go in and talk to her folks.  I assume they know?’

 

 

 

Joe nodded. ‘She was telling them tonight too.’  He put his face in his hands. ‘Pa I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I’m so sorry.’

 

 

 

Ben put his arm around his son’s shoulders. ‘So am I Joe,’ he said quietly. ‘I’m very sorry that your life has to take this turn son, but there’s more than just you to consider now.’

 

 

 

‘I know,’ said Joe as he lifted his head.

 

 

 

‘We’ll go and see Anna and her family in the morning,’ said Ben. He stood up and turned towards the door. ‘Goodnight,’ he said shortly. Joe watched as his father walked slowly towards the door, his shoulders slumped.  He felt an ache in his heart as he thought about how he was the cause of it and buried his head in his hands again as he heard the front door close.

 

 

 

 

 

+++++++

 

 

 

 

 

Ben knocked on the door and squared his shoulders as it began to open. He tipped his hat. ‘Morning Alfred,’ he said. ‘Joseph and I came to talk.’

 

 

 

Albert gave Joe a long appraising stare, which made him take a small step backwards and gulp. ‘I reckon we need to Ben.  I thought you might come by this morning,’ replied the man. ‘Come on in.’

 

 

 

Ben entered the house, followed by Joe.  Albert ushered them into the front parlour. ‘Please sit down,’ he said. ‘I’ll get Beatrice to call Anna downstairs.’  As he left the room Ben sat down and motioned for Joe to sit beside him.

 

 

 

‘I don’t think he likes me very much,’ said Joe quietly.

 

 

 

‘Would you expect him to?’ asked his father shortly. ‘I’m sure he’s very angry with you.  In his position I certainly would be.’  He gave his son a long stare. ‘Actually in my position I’m trying not to feel the same way Joseph.’

 

 

 

Joe sat back in his seat and closed his mouth.  Father and son sat silently for a few moments listening to the ticking of the clock.  Joe wondered what on earth he was going to say to Mr and Mrs Reeves and hoped that his father would do most of the talking.

 

 

 

At that moment Albert and Beatrice Reeves came into the room, followed by their daughter Anna.  The girl had obviously been crying and looked at Joe through red-rimed eyes.  Joe tried to smile at her, but his thoughts were more on her parents and how they would react to him.  As they all sat down again, Ben spoke. ‘I felt that we all needed to get this out in the open,’ he began. ‘For everyone’s sake.’

 

 

 

‘I’m glad you feel that way Ben,’ replied Albert. ‘Beatrice and I are sure feeling a bit stunned right about now.’ He gave Joe another long stare which made him sit back even further in his seat.

 

 

 

‘Papa, I told you,’ said Anna. ‘Joe and I talked about getting married.’

 

 

 

Albert didn’t take his eyes off Joe. ‘Yes, you did tell us,’ he said. ‘How about that young man?’

 

 

 

Joe swallowed before he felt able to reply. ‘I’m sorry about all this Mr Reeves,’ he said. ‘I’m willing to marry Anna if she wants to.’

 

 

 

‘It’s not a matter of wanting to,’ said Beatrice. ‘It’s the only thing to do. I will not have a daughter of mine….’

 

 

 

Albert motioned to his wife with his hand. ‘That’s enough Beatrice,’ he said. ‘You heard the boy. There’ll be a marriage so there’s no need to go on about it.’

 

 

 

‘No need?’ she said, her voice rising. ‘I think there’s every need to go on about something like this!  If that boy thinks he can just come in here after what he’s done and expect that everything will be all right, then he can think again!’  She fixed Joe with a hard glare. ‘If it wouldn’t make matters worse than they already were Joseph Cartwright, I’d take a switch to you and you wouldn’t be forgetting it in a hurry I can assure you!’

 

 

 

Anna reached over to her mother. ‘Mama,’ she said. ‘Papa’s right.  It’s no good going over it all now.  The important thing is to make things right for the baby.’

 

 

 

Beatrice gave her daughter a hard stare, which made Anna drop her hand quickly.

 

 

 

‘I think this should be done as soon as possible,’ interrupted Ben. ‘For everyone’s sake.’

 

 

 

‘I agree,’ said Albert.

 

 

 

‘I’d be happy for both Joe and Anna to live on The Ponderosa,’ continued Ben. ‘I don’t think they’re in any state to be setting up on their own for a while.

 

 

 

Joe cringed to hear their fathers talk about his and Anna’s future as if they weren’t even there.  He knew that both men were doing it for their own good and that he didn’t really have any way of supporting a wife and baby, but nevertheless it made him feel like a little kid. He sighed as he caught Anna’s eye and realised that she was probably feeling the same way too.  His father’s next words did nothing to change his feelings either. ‘Seeing as both of them are underage legally, we’ll both have to give our written consent to this.  I’ll see the preacher and have it arranged as soon as possible.’

 

 

 

‘It might look mighty obvious what all this is about if we do it that way Ben,’ said Albert. ‘I was thinking that it might be best for them to go to Sacramento and get it done there. They could say they just eloped.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded thoughtfully. ‘It might be better in the long run,’ he said.

 

 

 

‘Don’t we get a say in any of this?’ asked Joe.

 

 

 

Ben looked at him sternly. ‘Of course you do,’ he said after a moment’s hesitation. ‘What is your opinion Joseph?’

 

 

 

Joe stole a glance at Anna who shrugged her shoulders at him. ‘I guess it’d be better that way,’ he said quietly and sighed. Whichever way they did this nothing could alter the fact that he didn’t want to marry this girl and he felt pretty sure that she didn’t want to marry him either.  However, as his father had said to him… there was more to think about now.

 

 

 

‘So it’s settled,’ he heard his father say. ‘I’ll go with them both to Sacramento and see it done.’  He stood up. ‘I’m mighty sorry about all this Albert and Beatrice. We’ll just have to make the best of a difficult situation I suppose.’  He glanced at Anna. ‘You’re going to be part of our family now Anna, so I want you to know that I’ll do everything I can to help you and Joseph make a go of this.’

 

 

 

Anna gave him a half-smile. ‘Thank you Mr Cartwright,’ she said.

 

 

 

Ben picked up his hat. ‘We’ll see you at the stage in the morning then,’ he said. ‘Come on Joseph.’

 

 

 

Joe picked up his hat as well, anxious to get out of the house as quickly as possible.  He gave Anna a quick smile and followed Ben out of the house, grateful that the meeting was over.  As the door closed behind them, he stole a glance at his father. ‘Thanks Pa,’ he said.

 

 

 

Ben gave him another stare. ‘I meant what I said in there Joseph,’ he said. ‘I will do everything I can to help you both through all this.’

 

 

 

Joe blushed with the embarrassment of it all. ‘I know Pa,’ he said. ‘And I’m grateful that you’re doing all this for me… I mean us.’ He smiled.

 

 

 

Ben didn’t return the smile, but continued to stare at his son. ‘I think we need to get home now,’ he said. ‘You have to explain all this to your brothers.’

 

 

 

‘Do I have to?’

 

 

 

‘Well I’m not going to,’ said Ben. ‘That’s your job son.’

 

 

 

Joe sighed as his father began to walk down the porch steps. Telling Hoss and Adam was something he was definitely not looking forward to as he knew how embarrassed he would feel doing it.  However, as his father said…. He knew that it was his job to do it.

 

 

 

 

 

+++++++

 

 

 

 

 

‘Joseph and I will be going to Sacramento on tomorrow’s stage,’ said Ben at the table that night. ‘I’ll be back on Wednesday, but Joe will be staying for a few days longer after that.  Could you keep things going around here please boys?’

 

 

 

‘Sure Pa,’ said Adam. ‘You know we will. But what on earth are you going for?’

 

 

 

Ben turned to Joe. ‘Joseph?’ he said. ‘I believe you have something to tell your brothers?’

 

 

 

Joe swallowed and looked at his plate. ‘Yes,’ he said quietly. ‘I’m going to … I’m going to Sacramento to get married.’

 

 

 

Hoss’ jaw dropped. ‘What?” he said incredulously. ‘Quit joshing Joe!’

 

 

 

Joe shook his head without looking up from his plate. ‘I ain’t joshing,’ he said.

 

 

 

Hoss looked at his father incredulously and then back to Joe again. ‘You been holding out on us short shanks?’ he said. ‘Who are you talking about getting married to?’

 

 

 

‘Anna Reeves,’ said Joe in the same quiet voice. Adam gave his brother a long look and said nothing.

 

 

 

Hoss’ face broke into a grin and he reached across and slapped his younger brother on the back. ‘Well how come you ain’t told us about it sooner?’ he asked. ‘News like this and we ain’t even had a chance to celebrate!’  He looked at his father again. ‘Why don’t we all go?’ he said. ‘I reckon we should all be there, don’t you Pa?’

 

 

 

‘I think that Joe might have more to tell us Hoss,’ said Adam as he continued to stare at his brother. ‘Isn’t that right little brother?’

 

 

 

Joe nodded his head, but was silent. ‘Well?’ said his father. ‘Out with it Joseph.  Your brothers need to know the full story.’

 

 

 

‘Know what?’ asked Hoss puzzled. ‘Is there something wrong?’

 

 

 

‘Anna is….. she’s gonna have a baby,’ said Joe, still in the quiet voice.  Hoss’ jaw dropped for a second time and he was silent.

 

 

 

Adam glanced at his father and then back to Joe again before speaking. ‘I suppose you’ll be bringing her back here to live?’ he said in a tight voice.

 

 

 

‘Yes, I’ve offered for Anna to live here,’ said his father. ‘I know that might make things a bit awkward for both of you boys, but I think it’s the best thing to do.  Anna will, after all, be part of our family now. I hope you both don’t mind.’

 

 

 

Hoss and Adam continued to stare at their brother in silence. Finally Adam said, ‘We don’t mind, do we Hoss?’

 

 

 

Hoss shook his head. ‘No,’ he said. ‘I guess things might be a bit different around here for a bit, but we’ll get used ta it I reckon.’

 

 

 

Joe stood up, avoiding looking at either his father or brothers. ‘I think I’ll go on up to bed now,’ he said. ‘Night.’

 

 

 

‘Good night son,’ said his father. ‘We need to get an early start in the morning, so try and get some sleep.’ Joe nodded as he mounted the stairs and disappeared around the corner of the landing.

 

 

 

‘I didn’t know that he was gone on Anna Reeves,’ said Hoss after a moment.

 

 

 

‘I don’t think he’s particularly ‘gone on’ her, as you put it,’ said Ben. ‘It’s fairly clear how he feels about this, don’t you think?’

 

 

 

‘Is it such a good idea then?’ asked Adam.

 

 

 

Ben sighed. ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘All I know is that there is more to consider than just Joseph now. At least he’s willing to take responsibility for his actions.’

 

 

 

‘Yes but Pa,’ continued Adam. ‘This is forever.  Don’t you think it should be thought through a bit more before…’

 

 

 

Ben stood up. ‘I think your brother should have thought a lot of things through Adam. What’s done is done and there’s no going back on it now.  We’ll be leaving for Sacramento in the morning.’  He strode away from the table and left the room, slamming the front door behind him.

 

 

 

Hoss looked at Adam. ‘Pa is sure plenty upset about this, ain’t he?’ he asked.

 

 

 

‘Of course he is.  What would you expect him to be?’  Adam glanced at the staircase and shook his head. ‘Why don’t you go and talk to Joe, Hoss?  I’ll see if Pa needs anything.’ He left the room as well while Hoss sat and stared at the tablecloth in front of him.

 

 

 

 

 

+++++++

 

 

 

 

 

‘Pa?’ said Adam as he approached his father beside the corral fence. ‘Are you OK?’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘I’m all right son,’ he said. ‘I keep hoping that I’m going to wake up and find that this is all a dream, but I know it isn’t going to happen.

 

 

 

‘I know what you mean,’ said Adam as he leant against the fence and studied his father’s profile in the moonlight. ‘I guess Joe feels like that too.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘I guess,’ he said simply.

 

 

 

‘I’m sorry about what I said before,’ continued Adam. ‘I only meant…’

 

 

 

‘I know what you meant son and I thank you for it,’ said Ben. ‘It shows that you care about your brother. But the fact remains that Joseph has to take responsibility for this and there’s not much that any of us can do apart from supporting him when we can to help him get through it.’

 

 

 

‘Hoss is up there talking to him now,’ said Adam. ‘He might be able to help him a bit.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘Good,’ he said. ‘I have a feeling that Joseph is going to grow up quite a bit in the coming months and he’s going to need both Hoss and you to help him.’

 

 

 

‘Well he really has no choice does he?’ asked Adam. He shook his head. ‘Stupid kid!’ he said. ‘Honestly Pa… I could have just kicked him in there!’

 

 

 

Ben gave his eldest son a half-smile. ‘I think Joseph has probably been kicking himself for the past few days,’ he said. ‘He doesn’t need you to do it for him.’

 

 

 

Adam shrugged. ‘People around here will talk you know,’ he said.

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘I know,’ he replied. ‘We’ll just have to learn to live with it.  Joe and Anna most of all.’  He glanced up at the window.  ‘While we’re away I’d like you and Hoss to make some space for her things,’ he said. ‘The Reeves’ will bring some of them out here while we’re gone.

 

 

 

‘Sure Pa,’ said Adam. ‘Anything else?’

 

 

 

Ben patted his son on the arm as he turned away from him. ‘Well you might say a few prayers for us all,’ he said. ‘I have a feeling that we’re going to need them to deal with all of this.’

 

 

 

 

 

+++++++

 

 

 

 

 

‘Joe?’ asked Hoss as he opened the door slowly. ‘Are you awake?’

 

 

 

Joe took his head off the pillow. ‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘Come on in Hoss.’  He watched as his brother shuffled self-consciously towards his bed and settled himself on a chair next to it.

 

 

 

‘I just came up ta see if you were all right,’ said Hoss with a half-grin. ‘I was worried about ya short shanks.’

 

 

 

‘Thanks Hoss,’ said Joe as he lay back down again and stared at the ceiling. ‘I’m OK.’

 

 

 

‘No ya ain’t,’ said Hoss. ‘Don’t ya lie ta me little buddy.’

 

 

 

Joe smiled. ‘You could always tell when I was lying Hoss couldn’t you?’

 

 

 

‘Sure could,’ agreed his brother. ‘Lots of times it got me out of a peck of trouble too, if I recall.’

 

 

 

‘We sure did stir up some trouble when we was kids didn’t we?’ said Joe with a grin.

 

 

 

‘You stirred up the trouble,’ said Hoss. ‘I just followed ya.’

 

 

 

‘True,’ said Joe. ‘I guess I’ve stirred up some of it now huh?’

 

 

 

‘I guess.’

 

 

 

‘Is Pa OK?’

 

 

 

‘I guess he’s mighty upset,’ replied Hoss honestly. ‘Probably worried about you as well.’

 

 

 

‘I suppose so.’  Joe sighed. ‘I’m kinda worried about myself Hoss.’

 

 

 

‘You don’t love Anna huh?’

 

 

 

Joe shook his head. ‘No.  To tell the truth I don’t even like her that much.’

 

 

 

Hoss shook his head. ‘Then why… I mean how on earth did ya let something like this happen Joe?  Didn’t ya have any sense?’

 

 

 

‘I guess not,’ replied Joe. He rolled over and faced the wall. ‘It was just one of those things Hoss. I didn’t mean it to happen, honest I didn’t!  It just … well it just kinda did.’

 

 

 

‘I didn’t know you and Anna Reeves was sweet on each other,’ said Hoss with a frown.

 

 

 

‘We weren’t especially,’ admitted Joe. ‘She was always gone on Fred Tyler, but when he up and left town I guess we just kinda got to know each other a bit while she was still missing him.’

 

 

 

‘I guess ya sure got to know her more than a bit,’ said Hoss.

 

 

 

Joe blushed and said nothing. After a few moments he rolled over and faced his brother. ‘Do you mind leaving me alone Hoss?’ he asked. ‘I’d kinda like to be by myself.’

 

 

 

‘Sure,’ said Hoss as he stood up. ‘Try and get some sleep now Joe, OK?’

 

 

 

‘OK.  Thanks for being such a great brother Hoss.’

 

 

 

‘That’s what I’m here for little buddy,’ said Hoss. He shook his head as he left the room and shut the door behind him.

 

 

 

 

 

+++++++

 

 

 

 

 

Joe stood at the window of the hotel room and stared down at the street below him.  The past couple of days had been so busy and this was the first time that he had really stopped and had time to himself and had the chance to think about things.  Perhaps that was just as well really, for if he’d had the chance to stop and think before he mightn’t have had the courage to go through with all of this.

 

 

 

First there had been the emotional farewell between Anna and her parents at the stage.   It was obvious that they were worried for her and probably wanted to come with them, but they had all agreed that it wouldn’t have been a good idea in view of the fact that the story was going to be that Joe and Anna had just eloped.  It would have looked too obvious if both their parents had gone with them.

 

 

 

Joe felt that it was bad enough having his father come along, but he knew that it wouldn’t have been proper for them to come unchaperoned before the wedding. It had made it an awkward couple of days in the stagecoach together though, the embarrassment and tension thick in the air between them.  If it hadn’t been for the fact that there was another couple on the stage with them which prevented them from all talking about it, then it would have been even worse.

 

 

 

The worst part though had been the marriage itself.  Pa had found a Justice of the Peace as soon as they had arrived and after changing they had all gone straight back down there.  Joe knew that the Celebrant and his wife who had acted as their witnesses would have had a fairly good idea about the circumstances that had brought them there, and the fact that they were made him feel acutely embarrassed.  He sighed as he realised that there would probably be a lot of tongues wagging back home when they arrived, so he thought that he might as well get used to it.

 

 

 

His marriage hadn’t been at all like he had pictured it would be.  Joe had always thought that he wouldn’t get married for a long time and when he did it would be to someone that he felt he just couldn’t live without.  He had visions of building a house for them both on The Ponderosa and being blissfully happy.  He had always thought he would have been married in the little church back home with all his family and friends around him to celebrate with a big party at The Ponderosa afterwards.  Today’s ceremony just seemed so sordid in comparison.  He wondered if Anna felt the same way that he did… after all, girls were supposed to really dream about their wedding days and have great plans for it.  He supposed that she had been as disappointed as he had been.

 

 

 

Pa had booked them a room here and the intention was for them to stay for a few days and then return with the elopement story.  Saying goodbye to Pa this afternoon had been difficult, and Joe had sensed his father’s mixed feelings for him.  It was obvious that he was still very upset and disappointed in him, but he also knew that he was worried about his future and his happiness as well.  Joe knew without doubt that his father still loved him dearly and would do anything to help him… his hug goodbye had told him that.  But he also knew that the man was feeling very fragile at the moment, much as Joe himself was also feeling.

 

 

 

He turned and glanced around the room with apprehension.  It was a large and airy room in a good hotel and ordinarily he would have been thrilled to have a few days in Sacramento to do with as he pleased.  But his thoughts kept coming back to the fact that he wasn’t alone now and had Anna to consider as well.

 

 

 

Joe walked over to the bed and sat down.  He looked down at the bedcover and felt a shiver of apprehension go through him.  That was another thing that he didn’t really feel comfortable with.  It somehow seemed different now that they were married.  The one time that they had made love had been a spur of the moment thing and one that he had instantly regretted the next day.  It had never been repeated.  Joe sensed that Anna felt the same way about it as he had, for they had never talked of it again and it was soon after that they had stopped seeing each other altogether. Sometimes it felt like it had never even happened…. Joe sighed as he wished for the hundredth time that it never had.

 

 

 

And now here they were married and…. he rubbed his hands down the bedcover and felt its roughness underneath his palms…. and supposedly ready to live as a married couple.  Joe knew that he didn’t feel ready to live like that and he wondered how Anna felt about it.

 

 

 

He looked up as the door opened and Anna came into the room carrying a couple of parcels. ‘Hi,’ he said.

 

 

 

She put the parcels on the bed and smiled at him. ‘Hello Joe.  I got the things that I needed.’

 

 

 

He nodded. ‘Did you have enough money?’  His father had given him money for the both of them to spend during the next few days.  It was another thing that made him feel awkward and not at all grown up, but he knew that he didn’t have enough for them to exist on and so he had had no choice but to accept it.

 

 

 

She took off her bonnet. ‘Yes,’ she replied. She sat on the bed next to him and there was silence for a few moments. ‘Well?’ she said finally. ‘What now?’

 

 

 

Joe shrugged. ‘I dunno,’ he said. ‘I guess we should get changed and go out to get something to eat before we…. before we go to sleep.’  He looked away from her, embarrassed.

 

 

 

‘I suppose so,’ she said. ‘I’ll get changed then.  She stood up to open her bag and took out a dress.  Joe blushed as he realised that she would have to get changed in front of him and he in front of her. ‘Do you want me to wait outside?’ he asked.

 

 

 

Anna hesitated. ‘I suppose we have to get used to this,’ she said. ‘I …’ she looked around. ‘I could use this side of the room and you could get changed over there.’

 

 

 

Joe moved quickly over to the other side of the bed. ‘OK,’ he said, turning his back on her as he began to rummage through his own bag.  He quickly changed without turning around and when he finally did he was pleased to see that she had done the same and was ready. ‘We’d better go then,’ he said. ‘Come on.’

 

 

 

As they left the room, Joe wondered how long it would be before all of this stopped being so awkward and began to feel normal to them.  He sighed as he realised that they had the rest of their lives to find out.

 

 

 

 

 

+++++++

 

 

 

 

 

As the stage neared Virginia City, Joe stretched his legs and tried to ease the stiffness in his back. It had been a long trip and one that he would rather not have had.  The few days had been nothing but difficult for both of them and if it wasn’t for the fact that they now had to face everyone, he would have been sincerely glad to be back home again.

 

 

 

It wasn’t that they hadn’t got on well enough.  In fact he and Anna had seen a lot of the sights in Sacramento and had had quite a good time.  There had been many times when they had found themselves forgetting that they were in fact a married couple and could relax as just friends, but then someone would refer to them as Mr and Mrs Cartwright and it would all come flooding back again.

 

 

 

The nights had been the worst.  That first night they had lain side by side without talking, each one willing the other to go to sleep so that they could then relax.  Unfortunately they had both been so agitated about the situation that they found that they couldn’t and so the tenseness between them had grown to such a level that Joe had finally felt obliged to speak. He had been so glad that it was a dark night and they couldn’t see each other during the conversation, as he knew that they would have been too embarrassed to say the things that they had in daylight.  Basically, they had agreed to take things slowly and not feel any pressure to live as a married couple and once they had both agreed that that was how they felt, the tension between them had eased and they had drifted off to sleep.  Joe had woken up the next morning with Anna fast asleep beside him feeling much more positive about things now that they had the understanding.  He felt as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders and the next couple of nights had been much easier because of it.

 

 

 

Still, they both knew that the situation couldn’t remain like that and the tenseness was still there between them like an axe waiting to fall.  Joe felt that perhaps the sooner they got it over with the better, but he just didn’t feel confident enough to make the first move.  He thought about how strange it was that in the past it was something he had spent so much time thinking about, but now he was trying so hard to avoid those very feelings that had led him to getting married in the first place.

 

 

 

As the stage drew to a halt he smiled at Anna. ‘Sure good to get back,’ he said.

 

 

 

She returned the smile. ‘Yes,’ she said. 

 

 

 

Joe stepped down from the stage and turned to help Anna down as well. He turned as he heard the sound of a shrill scream. ‘Anna!’ shouted Beatrice Reeves and pushed Joe to one side as she hugged her daughter. Joe stood silently watching as Anna hugged both her parents and assured them that she was all right.  He felt very awkward and the feeling only increased as they pointedly ignored him.

 

 

 

‘Joseph?’ he heard a voice behind him and turned quickly to see his father standing there.

 

 

 

‘Pa!’ he said, flinging his arms around his father and hugging him tightly. ‘How are you?’

 

 

 

Ben returned the hug and then held his son back at arm’s length to look intently at his face. ‘I’m fine boy,’ he said. ‘How are you, more to the point?’

 

 

 

Joe gave his father a smile. ‘I’m fine Pa,’ he said. ‘Are Adam and Hoss here?’

 

 

 

Ben shook his head. ‘No.  We felt it would be better not to have too big a crowd to meet you,’ he said. ‘They’re waiting for you at home. Come on and we’ll get your luggage organised.’

 

 

 

Joe felt grateful to have something to do to ease the awkwardness he still felt and quickly grabbed his and Anna’s bags and loaded them into the buggy. There was a moment’s silence when he finally turned to face Anna and her parents. ‘Joseph,’ said Albert Reeves as he nodded his head at him slightly to acknowledge him.

 

 

 

Joe swallowed. ‘Mr Reeves,’ he said and then tipped his hat at the man’s wife. ‘Ma’am.’ Beatrice Reeves didn’t acknowledge his greeting, but simply looked straight through him.

 

 

 

‘Well we’d better be going,’ said Ben. ‘We’ll see you in Church tomorrow Albert and Beatrice.’

 

 

 

Anna hugged her parents again. ‘I’ll be fine,’ she said, but Joe detected a glint of a tear in her eye as she got into the buggy. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’ Joe climbed up beside her and Ben hitched the horses up as they drove up Main Street. Several pairs of eyes followed them as they left town and Joe could almost hear the words behind them as they did so.  He wished it could all be over, but knew that it would be quite a while until it was.

 

 

 

As they headed towards The Ponderosa, Ben tried to keep the conversation going, but found it hard going.  Neither of the young people behind him in the buggy seemed inclined to talk and finally he gave up and they all sat in silence.  He glanced at Joe a couple of times during the journey and his heart constricted as he noticed how depressed the boy seemed.  During the past few days Ben had done a lot of thinking and he had made up his mind to put everything behind them and make the best of the situation, and he just prayed that Joseph and Anna could do it as well.

 

 

 

Ben knew that there were difficult times ahead of the young couple and he aimed to support them however he could.  It would be hard enough for them without their families against them as well and he wanted so desperately for this marriage to succeed for his son.  After all, there really was no choice now and Joseph would just have to learn to grow up in these coming months and deal with his new life the best way he knew how.  Still, the father in Ben cried inwardly for his son and for his lost youth that had been snatched away from him so abruptly. There was no getting around the fact that his life would be very different from now on and he just hoped that Joseph would be able to adjust to it and rise to the challenges that it would bring.

 

 

 

He worried about them both.  It was obvious to everyone who knew the story that they weren’t in love and Ben just could begin to imagine being married to someone without the love that he had himself felt in his life. His three wives had all been so different, yet they had all in their own way been so dear to him.  When he had married each of them he had felt such a desire to be with them and protect them forever and his heart just bled for his son whom he knew couldn’t possibly be feeling that way about his new wife.  He prayed that in time Joseph would come to have those feelings for Anna and in the meantime he would learn to deal with it.

 

 

 

They had both looked so young as they had stepped down from the stage.  Too young to be married and having a family! It was true that Ben himself hadn’t been more than a couple of years older than Joseph was now when he had married for the first time, but then again his life had been so very different to that of his son’s. 

 

 

 

He had left home at an early age and the rigours of the life he had chosen at sea had made him mature beyond his years.  By the time he and Elizabeth had married he had felt very confident in dealing with a wife and a family.  Joseph, however, had always been the baby of the family and much and all as he would have disputed the fact, there was still a lot of the boy in him.  He had led a very sheltered life on The Ponderosa, cared for and shielded from so many things by his father and brothers and Ben doubted that he was in any way ready to take on the responsibilities that he now had to face. Which was all the more reason for them all to be there to support him.  Anna also didn’t seem terribly mature to Ben.  She was the treasured only child of Albert and Beatrice and had never had to really make her own way in life.  Ben prayed with all his heart that she would grow to love his son and make a fine wife and mother.  He vowed to do everything in his power to help them both along.

 

 

 

As the buggy pulled up outside the ranch house he pulled the horses to a halt and smiled at them both. ‘Welcome home,’ he said.

 

 

 

 

 

+++++++

 

 

 

 

 

‘Would you like some more vegetables Anna?’ asked Ben kindly as he held out the plate towards her.

 

 

 

‘No thank you Mr Cartwright,’ replied Anna.

 

 

 

There was silence around the table for a moment and then Adam spoke. ‘So how was Sacramento?’

 

 

 

Joe looked at his brother gratefully. ‘Good,’ he said. ‘We enjoyed it, didn’t we Anna?’

 

 

 

‘Yes.’

 

 

 

There was another silence. ‘So what’s been happening here?’ asked Joe. ‘Did you get those horses finished?’

 

 

 

‘Mmm.  We delivered them yesterday,’ replied Adam. ‘We can start on the new batch on Monday.’

 

 

 

‘Why not tomorrow?’ asked Joe.

 

 

 

‘It’s Sunday Joseph,’ said his father. ‘Had you forgotten?’

 

 

 

‘Oh yeah,’ said Joe lamely. ‘I kinda lost track of the days I guess.’

 

 

 

‘You can start them on Monday,’ said his father. ‘Tomorrow we’re all going to church.’

 

 

 

Joe sighed. ‘Do we have to?’ he asked.

 

 

 

‘I think the sooner you face people the better, don’t you?’ replied Ben.

 

 

 

‘Your father’s right Joe,’ said Anna. ‘We have to get it over with.’

 

 

 

‘I suppose so,’ said Joe. 

 

 

 

Ben stood up from the table. ‘Well I think we could all do with an early night,’ he said. ‘I’ll just go and check on the stock before I go up.  Good night everyone.’

 

 

 

‘Night Pa,’ chorused his three sons.

 

 

 

‘Good night Mr Cartwright,’ said Anna.

 

 

 

The four of them sat awkwardly around the table for a moment until Hoss stood up as well. ‘Well I’m going upstairs,’ he said. ‘Night.’

 

 

 

Adam finished his coffee quickly and left the table as well so as not to make the situation any more awkward than it already was. ‘Night,’ he said as he disappeared.

 

 

 

Joe looked across the table at Anna. ‘You want to go on up?’ he asked.

 

 

 

‘I suppose so,’ she replied as she stood up from the table.

 

 

 

Joe stood up as well. ‘I’ll show you where my… I mean our room is,’ he said half-heartedly as he walked towards the stairs with Anna following him. 

 

 

 

As they reached his bedroom he stood aside to let her enter first. ‘Hoss and Adam put your things in here,’ he said. ‘I’ll move some of my stuff around so that you can fit yours in.’ He opened the cupboard. ‘Oh.  I guess they’ve already done some of it for us.  There’s some room in here.’

 

 

 

‘And in these drawers,’ she said as she opened one. ‘This is plenty.  I don’t have many things with me. Maybe I’ll go into town on Monday and pack up the rest of my things.  I’ll probably need to do some shopping as well.’

 

 

 

‘Why?’

 

 

 

‘Well I’m going to need some new clothing.’

 

 

 

Joe frowned. ‘Isn’t it a bit soon to be worrying about things for…. Well for the baby?’

 

 

 

‘I don’t mean that.  I meant for myself,’ Anna replied. ‘My things won’t fit me for much longer.’

 

 

 

‘Oh.’  Joe tried not to look embarrassed as he caught on to her meaning. He sighed as he realised that it would mean asking his father for more money again. ‘I guess you will,’ he said. He looked around. ‘I might go downstairs for a bit,’ he said. ‘You all right up here?’

 

 

 

‘Of course,’ she replied.

 

 

 

Joe left the room, grateful to have escaped for a while.  Anna sat down on the bed and looked around here, noting the picture frame on the dresser beside the bed.  She picked it up and looked at it. The woman looked so much like Joe that she realised that it must be his mother.  She wondered how she would find living here with all these men and as she stared at the picture she wondered how the last Mrs Cartwright had fared.  With a sigh she replaced the picture and began to unpack her bag dispiritedly.

 

 

 

 

 

+++++++

 

 

 

 

 

As the buggy pulled to a halt outside the church, the Cartwrights felt many eyes staring at them.  By the now word had spread that Anna Reeves had left town yesterday in the Cartwright buggy instead of going home with her parents and the very fact that she and Joe had got off the stage together had been the topic of conversation for all. 

 

 

 

Joe helped Anna down from the buggy and with a deep breath turned to face the crowd. He grabbed hold of her arm as they began to make their way towards the church, but they hadn’t gone more than five steps before Mrs Watkins touched him on the arm and stopped them. ‘Well hello there!’ she said brightly. ‘Anna dear, you’ve been staying with the Cartwrights I see?’

 

 

 

There was silence as Anna took a deep breath.  Before she could speak however, Joe interrupted her. ‘Anna and me got married a few days ago,’ he said in a loud voice.  ‘We’ve just come back from Sacramento.’

 

 

 

There was a general murmur around the crowd and Mrs Watkins’s eyes bulged open. ‘I see,’ she said. ‘Well … Congratulations to you both.  That’s wonderful news!’

 

 

 

Joe pulled Anna towards the church and they hurried up the stairs and into the building as quickly as they could.  Ben tipped his hat to Mrs Watkins. ‘Ma’am,’ he said shortly and motioned for Hoss and Adam to follow him. Behind them the crowd began to erupt into loud chatter.

 

 

 

During the Service, Joe felt everyone’s eyes upon him and Anna who was seated beside him in the Cartwright pew.  He had never felt so uncomfortable and even though he desperately wanted to be out of there he dreaded the moment when the Service was over and they would have to face the people again. However, eventually it was and he took another deep breath as he stood to face everyone. With heads held high, he and Anna left the Church quickly and made their way towards the buggy.  Anna’s parents quickly came over and began to talk to their daughter, so Joe found it necessary to step away and give them some space.  Immediately he felt a presence beside him and glanced over gratefully to see Hoss standing beside him. ‘I thought ya could probably do with some company right about now,’ his brother said.

 

 

 

Joe grinned at him. ‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘I sure could!’  He glanced around the yard and caught Mitch’s eye and smiled. 

 

 

 

Mitch grinned back at him and came over. ‘Well congratulations you old married man you!’ he said, slapping him on the back with forced bravado.

 

 

 

‘Thanks,’ said Joe weakly.

 

 

 

Mitch looked at him closely. ‘Any time you’re ready for a drink or a talk buddy just let me know,’ he said.

 

 

 

‘Thanks,’ said Joe again, this time gratefully.  He smiled again at his friend. Maybe things in time wouldn’t be so bad after all?

 

 

 

‘Ben!’ called Paul Martin as his friend passed him by. ‘Have you got a moment?’

 

 

 

Ben turned at the sound of the doctor’s voice. ‘Paul,’ he said. ‘Good to see you.’  He held out his hand and shook Paul’s firmly.

 

 

 

‘I just wanted to say that I’m glad all this is out in the open at last,’ said Paul.

 

 

 

‘You knew?’ said Ben surprised. ‘Oh of course,’ he said. ‘I didn’t think.  Anna would have consulted you.’

 

 

 

Paul nodded. ‘She was in a pretty bad way when she first came to see me,’ he said. ‘I didn’t know who the boy was of course, but when I heard that she and Joe had gone to Sacramento well of course I guessed.’  He looked at his friend with pity. ‘How are you holding up with all of this?’

 

 

 

‘I’m fine,’ said Ben. ‘I’m just concerned for the two of them of course. Once they get the news of their marriage over with there’s still more to come, as you know.  I just hope they’re up to it.’

 

 

 

‘Well the sooner it’s all out in the open the better,’ said Paul. ‘They won’t be able to wait much longer though of course.’

 

 

 

Ben lifted an eyebrow. ‘Well surely there’s no rush,’ he said. ‘There’s still a bit of time.’

 

 

 

Paul looked slightly confused. ‘If you say so,’ he said. ‘To tell you the truth I thought things would have been settled before now.’

 

 

 

‘Well Anna only told Joe a few days ago,’ said Ben.

 

 

 

Paul hesitated. ‘Really?’ he said. ‘Oh.’  There was silence. ‘Well … as I said she’s been mighty upset about it Ben, so I suppose it’s only natural that she waited for a while.’

 

 

 

Ben frowned. ‘Paul exactly how long ago did Anna first come to you?’ he asked. ‘How far along is she?’

 

 

 

Paul hesitated. ‘Ben I’m sorry, but I really can’t say.  She’s my patient after all …. You understand?’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘Of course,’ he said. ‘I shouldn’t have asked. Thank you Paul, I’ll be in touch.’  He walked over to the buggy and smiled at his sons. ‘Ready?’ he said. ‘Where’s Adam?’

 

 

 

Adam was making his way over to the buggy as well when he heard a remark behind him that made his stop and turn. ‘Well I suppose we’ll be hearing an announcement soon from that pair,’ said Mrs Watkins haughtily. ‘As if it isn’t obvious what’s going on.  There’ll be a new addition to the Cartwright family soon you mark my words Bertha!’

 

 

 

Adam turned and stared at the two women behind him until they blushed and turned away. ‘Ladies,’ he said with a wicked glint in his eye. He smiled to himself as he continued on his way to their buggy.

 

 

 

 

 

+++++++

 

 

 

 

 

‘Weren’t you going into town today to do some shopping?’ asked Joe as he got up from the breakfast table.

 

 

 

Anna shook her head. ‘No,’ she replied. ‘I’ve changed my mind.  After yesterday morning I think it might be best to wait for a few days.  It’ll only give people more to talk about.’

 

 

 

Joe shrugged. ‘OK,’ he said. ‘I’ll see you later then. Bye Pa.’

 

 

 

Ben picked up his coffee cup and studied Anna over the rim as he sipped. ‘What would you like to do today then Anna?’ he said.

 

 

 

‘I think I might just rest Mr Cartwright,’ she said. ‘It’s been a hectic few days and I’m really rather tired.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘You must be exhausted.  Especially in your condition.’  He gave her a long stare and she blushed. ‘I’m sorry Anna,’ he said. ‘I don’t mean to embarrass you.’

 

 

 

Anna swallowed before replying. ‘It’s all right,’ she said. ‘I suppose I’m just a bit sensitive about it all.  I think it’ll be better when everyone knows and we can talk about it openly.’

 

 

 

Ben lifted an eyebrow as he continued to study the girl. ‘And when will that be?’ he asked. ‘Soon?’

 

 

 

Anna swallowed again and avoided meeting his eye. ‘I suppose so,’ she said. ‘The sooner the better.  I’ll talk to Joe about it.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘You do that,’ he said.

 

 

 

Anna stood up. ‘Well I think I’ll lie down for a while if you don’t mind,’ she said. Ben watched her as she left the table. For some reason he had a nagging feeling that everything wasn’t as he thought it had been.  There was something about the way that Paul had spoken yesterday and now Anna that made him feel… well…. not quite right.  He sighed as he stood up and walked towards the front door.  He supposed that it would take quite a while for things to seem right around here again.

 

 

 

As Ben entered the front yard he saw Joe and Hoss mounted and ready to leave. Joe looked the happiest he had seen him look for days and waved at his father. ‘Bye Pa!’ he called. ‘See you at lunch!’

 

 

 

Ben waved back and stood with his hands hitched into his belt as his two sons disappeared around the corner of the barn. As he was about to turn away again, Adam led his horse into the yard. ‘Hi Pa,’ he said. ‘I’m just going in to get the mail like you asked. Anything else while I’m in there?’

 

 

 

‘No,’ said Ben.

 

 

 

Adam looked at his father closely. ‘Is anything the matter?’ he asked. ‘You look a bit strange.’

 

 

 

Ben smiled at his son, amazed as always at how perceptive Adam could be. ‘I’m fine,’ he said. ‘Just thinking about Joe and Anna that’s all.’ Adam waited, knowing that there was more to come. ‘Joe seems better this morning,’ continued Ben after a moment.

 

 

 

‘Mmm. Probably happy to be back at work so that he can forget about it all for a while.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded thoughtfully. ‘Yes,’ he said. He turned to face his eldest son. ‘Adam what do you think of Anna?’

 

 

 

Adam looked surprised. ‘I don’t really think anything of her yet,’ he admitted. ‘I don’t really know here enough to say. Why?’

 

 

 

Ben shrugged his shoulders. ‘I just wondered,’ he said. ‘It just seems so strange to think that the girl is a Cartwright now and as you say we don’t really know much about her at all.’  There was silence for another minute. ‘I suppose we soon will though,’ he finished.

 

 

 

‘I suppose we will,’ agreed Adam.  He turned and mounted his horse. ‘See you later.’

 

 

 

Ben waved to his son and thoughtfully turned back towards the house again.  He glanced up to Joe’s room … he corrected himself as he thought about the fact that it was now Joe and Anna’s room… before entering the house again.

 

 

 

 

 

+++++++

 

 

Ben took a deep breath and inhaled the pungent aroma of his pipe tobacco and then watched as he exhaled the smoke towards the ceiling.  Across from him on the sofa Anna was quietly knitting something and Joe and Hoss were playing chess.  Adam was reading in his usual spot in the corner. Ben settled himself comfortably into this chair and thought about how peaceful things were tonight. These past few days had certainly taken their toll upon them all, the atmosphere in the house decidedly tense as they had all sought to feel at ease with one another.

 

 

 

Suddenly, Anna spoke. ‘Joe would you take me into town in the morning please? I really need to get to that shopping.  I think I’ve left it long enough.’

 

 

 

Joe frowned. ‘Why can’t you go in by yourself?’ he asked. ‘I’ve got work to do.’

 

 

 

Anna looked decidedly unhappy at his words and Ben interrupted quickly. ‘I don’t mind if you take the morning off son.’

 

 

 

Joe gave his father a frustrated look. ‘I want to get those horses finished,’ he said. ‘Anna can go in by herself.’

 

 

 

‘I’d rather you go in with me,’ said Anna. ‘I don’t really want to do it by myself yet.’

 

 

 

Joe tried to hide his true feelings. ‘All right,’ he said, somewhat ungraciously. ‘But I’m not staying in there very long.’

 

 

 

There was an awkward silence until Anna spoke again. ‘Well I have to see Doctor Martin as well and I thought I’d visit my parents, so it might take quite a while.’

 

 

 

Joe didn’t manage to hide his feelings this time. ‘That’ll take all day!’ he said.

 

 

 

‘You can have the day off work,’ said Ben. ‘We’re not too busy at the moment.’

 

 

 

Joe stood up angrily. ‘I don’t want the day off work,’ he said. ‘I didn’t ask for it.’ Ben gave him a long stare and he stopped. ‘Thank you anyway Pa,’ he said in a quieter voice. ‘But I won’t be needing the whole day off. We’ll only take the morning. I’m going to bed now … Goodnight.’

 

 

 

Ben glanced over at Anna who looked embarrassed and began to fold up her knitting. ‘I’d better go too,’ she said. ‘Goodnight.’  She hastily followed Joe up the stairs.  When she reached the bedroom she found him sitting on the window ledge looking down into the front yard. ‘Why did you do that?’ she asked angrily

 

 

 

‘What?’ he asked without even bothering to turn around.

 

 

 

‘Embarrass me in front of your father and your brothers,’ she said.

 

 

 

‘I embarrassed you?  You embarrassed me!’ he replied, just as angrily. ‘How do you think it feels to have them listen to you telling me what to do?  Do you think I really want to follow you around town all day?  I told you I’ve got work to do!’

 

 

 

‘Hmph!  It seems to me that work never stopped you from coming into town before!’ she said. ‘You’re always slacking off from work to get in there.  You told me that once yourself.’

 

 

 

‘That’s different!’ he replied. ‘That’s because I wanted to go in there. Not because I’m told to go in and help you!’

 

 

 

‘Well I would have thought you’d want to go in and help me,’ she said. ‘It’s your fault after all that all this is happening!’

 

 

 

Joe’s jaw dropped. ‘My fault!’ he said. ‘I seem to remember you having something to do with it as well!’

 

 

 

Anna tried unsuccessfully to keep her temper and the words exploded out of her mouth. ‘You took advantage of me and you know it!’ she said. ‘I was upset because Fred Tyler had left town and you moved right in and took advantage of the fact that I was feeling vulnerable!’

 

 

 

Joe shook his head. ‘In your dreams!’ he spat back at her. ‘You know very well that you’d been making eyes at me for a long time!  You came onto me, not the other way around!’

 

 

 

Anna put her hands on her hips and glared at him. ‘Joe Cartwright…’ she spluttered. ‘How dare you!’  She pointed her finger at him. ‘You are nothing but a ….’  Suddenly she swayed a little and put her hands on her forehead. 

 

 

 

Joe stopped and looked at her anxiously. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ he asked in a quieter tone.

 

 

 

She took a few deep breaths before replying. ‘I feel …. A bit strange,’ she said in a quiet voice and sat down on the bed. ‘It’s probably just the baby.’

 

 

 

Joe stood up and walked over to her. ‘Maybe you’d better lie down,’ he said and pushed her back onto the bed before picking up her feet and putting them on the bed as well. He sat down next to her. ‘Is that better?’

 

 

 

She nodded. ‘A bit,’ she replied and closed her eyes. Joe looked at her and noticed the slight bulge at her stomach.  For some reason the thought made him feel strange inside and he tried to sort out his feelings.  For the first time he realised that this baby was more than just something they had all been talking about.  It was real and here he was looking at it for the first time.

 

 

 

He leant over her. ‘Do you want me to get you something?’ he asked quietly.

 

 

 

‘No.’

 

 

 

‘Anna I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I’ll take you into town tomorrow.  I shouldn’t have spoken like that.’

 

 

 

‘That’s all right,’ she said without opening her eyes. ‘You don’t have to.’

 

 

 

‘No.  I’ll take you,’ he said. ‘I’d be happy to.’

 

 

 

‘Your father was asking about when we were going to tell everyone about the baby,’ she said after a moment. ‘We have to soon.’

 

 

 

Joe frowned. ‘I didn’t think we’d have to yet,’ he said uncertainly. ‘I mean…’ he glanced at her stomach again. ‘I didn’t think it … well …  kinda showed for a while.’

 

 

 

She opened her eyes and saw him looking at her.  Instinctively she covered her stomach with her hands. ‘I think it’s starting to,’ she said. ‘I can’t help it!’

 

 

 

‘I didn’t say that you could,’ he said, feeling defensive again. ‘But isn’t it kinda soon?’

 

 

 

She looked away from him. ‘How do I know?’ she asked. ‘I haven’t done this before.’

 

 

 

‘Well all I meant was…’ he stopped, not sure what he had meant.

 

 

 

‘I’ll talk to Doctor Martin about it tomorrow,’ she said. ‘He’ll know. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to get changed for bed.’

 

 

 

Joe stood up.  Since coming home they had tried to give each other the space they felt they still needed and he usually left her to get changed by herself while he waited outside. After she had turned off the lamp he would come in and get changed himself in the dark and then join her in the bed. He supposed it was stupid to be carrying on this way, but all he knew was that it suited both of them and made them feel easier.  As he stood in the hallway and waited, he wondered about how long all this would go on for.  They were still keeping their distance from each other and with the baby now making it’s presence felt, he thought that it would only exacerbate the situation.

 

 

 

Suddenly, he heard footsteps and Adam came down the hallway.  He stopped and looked at his brother. ‘Waiting for something?’ he asked.

 

 

 

Joe blushed and looked at the ground. ‘I… um… I just dropped something,’ he said. He bent down and pretended to search on the floor.

 

 

 

‘Oh,’ said Adam. ‘Well… I hope you find it.’  He went into his own room and closed the door, trying to hide the grin that was on his face.

 

 

 

Joe glared at the closed door. It wasn’t enough that he felt like a fool standing out here while his wife got changed, but now his brother had to know about it as well!  He kicked the door in frustration and then entered the room without knocking. Anna looked up quickly. ‘I’m not finished yet!’ she said angrily.

 

 

 

‘Tough!’ he replied just as angrily. ‘I ain’t staying out there any more. You’ll just haveta get used to dressing with me in here.’

 

 

 

‘Don’t be rude!’ she said as she covered herself up with her nightgown.

 

 

 

‘We’re married remember?’ said Joe sarcastically as he began to unbutton his shirt. ‘Get used to it!’ He took off his shirt and began to wash in the basin, sensing her eyes upon him.  By the time he had finished she had put on her nightgown and was getting into the bed and he pulled on his own nightshirt and carefully pulled it down to retain his modestly before taking off his boots, socks and pants. By the time he had got into the bed and turned off the lamp he was seething with anger again and rolled over onto his side, staring at the wall in frustration.  He wished he could have his own bed back again to himself and not have to share it with the likes of her.  He wished with all his heart that he could wake up in the morning and find that this was all a bad dream, but he knew that the nightmare was here to stay. Joe felt the bed move slightly as Anna rolled over as well and the covers began to slide off him.  He pulled them back angrily, and muttered under his breath in frustration.

 

 

 

 

Back to index

Chapter 2 by Joan

+++++++

 

‘You’re fine,’ said Paul Martin as Anna straightened her clothing. ‘Those dizzy spells are to be expected in your condition.  They’re perfectly normal.’

 

Anna breathed a sigh of relief. ‘I thought so,’ she said. ‘I just thought I’d ask to be sure.’

 

‘They should pass soon,’ continued the doctor. ‘They usually do around the fourth month.’ 

 

Anna didn’t say anything, but patted down her skirt.  After a moment she looked up again. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘When should I come and see you again?’

 

‘In another month or so,’ he replied. ‘And congratulations by the way. You and Joe Cartwright I mean.’

 

Anna cleared her throat. ‘Thank you,’ she said. She turned to go and then turned back again. ‘Thank you for being so… well … you know.’

 

‘Anna, I’m a doctor,’ Paul replied. ‘You’re my patient and that’s all there is to it.  Anything that is said in this office remains here.’

 

She smiled at him. ‘Thank you,’ she said, obviously relieved. ‘It’s just that… I was so… well… upset you know when I first found out.  I couldn’t tell anyone…. I mean, I couldn’t tell Joe for a while.’

 

Paul nodded. ‘I understand,’ he said. ‘I’m glad you’ve got it all sorted out now though.  Joe Cartwright is a fine young man and I’m sure it will all turn out well in the end.’

 

She blushed deeply and avoided his eyes. ‘Thank you,’ she said again. ‘I have to go.’ Paul stared after her as she left his office and shook his head as he went back into the examining room again.

 

Outside, Joe was waiting for her. ‘What did he say?’ he asked.

 

‘I’m fine,’ she replied. ‘Dizzy spells are normal apparently. They’ll go… well, they’ll go soon.’

 

‘Good.  Have you finished now?’

 

‘Well I’ve seen my parents and the Doctor, but I still have the shopping to do,’ she replied. ‘Will you come with me?’

 

Joe sighed impatiently. ‘Why?’ he said. ‘I don’t know anything about women’s clothing.’

 

‘I just don’t want to go in there by myself,’ she explained. ‘Not yet anyway.’

 

‘All right,’ he said with a sigh. ‘Come on.  Let’s get it over with.’

 

As they entered the shop, Joe felt embarrassed.  He’d never been in a woman’s clothing store before, except when he’d been much younger and had snuck in there a time or two hoping to get a glimpse of something interesting.  Each time he’d been shooed outside within minutes though, and hadn’t really had time to see what it was all about.  Now he wished he wasn’t getting the chance to finally find out after all.

 

‘Good morning,’ said Mrs Margaret Summers behind the counter. ‘Can I help you Anna?’  She gave Joe an amused look and he slunk back as far as he could into the corner.

 

‘I’m just looking for a few things,’ replied Anna. ‘A couple of new skirts and a dress perhaps.’  She looked around and pointed. ‘Something like that.’

 

‘Of course,’ said Margaret. ‘I’ll get it in your size.’

 

‘Um… maybe a size bigger,’ said Anna, trying to appear casual.

 

Margaret’s eyebrows practically disappeared into her forehead and Joe knew that the information would be around town by the end of the day. The woman gathered up the articles of clothing and handed them to Anna who disappeared into the back room to try them on.  Margaret smiled at Joe. ‘Nice of you to come with your new wife while she does her shopping,’ she said sweetly. ‘I suppose she’ll be buying quite a few new things in the coming months.’

 

Joe said nothing, but casually turned and fingered some clothing on the counter beside him.

 

‘Interested in those?’ Margaret asked in the same sweet voice.

 

‘Huh?’

 

Margaret pointed to the undergarments in his hand.

 

Joe dropped them immediately. ‘Um… no,’ he said. ‘I’m just …’  He turned gratefully as Anna came back into the room. ‘Are you ready?’ he asked.

 

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I’ll take them all.’

 

‘Of course,’ said Margaret in the same sweet tone.  ‘And we have them in larger sizes as well if you need them.’

 

‘I beg your pardon?’

 

Margaret batted her eyelids innocently a few times. ‘Just in case you put on any weight,’ she said. ‘It’s always best to be prepared.’

 

‘Thank you,’ said Anna tersely. ‘Joe, would you pay for these please?’  She left the shop abruptly. 

 

‘Joe gave Margaret a hard stare. ‘Put it on the Cartwright account,’ he said. ‘For Mrs Cartwright,’ he continued with the emphasis on the word ‘Mrs’.

 

‘Of course,’ said Margaret and chuckled as he left the shop.

 

As Joe caught up with Anna he noted a tear escaping down her cheek. ‘Don’t let her upset you,’ he said.

 

‘You see what it’s going to be like?’ she said. ‘They’ll all be talking about it.’

 

He shrugged. ‘Well we can’t stop them I guess,’ he said. ‘They’ll get sick of it and leave us alone in time.’

 

‘I hope so,’ she sighed. ‘Can we go home now Joe?  I want to get out of here.’  He took her arm and they continued up the street to the buggy.

 

 

+++++++

 

 

Anna was bored.  She was so bored that she felt like screaming at the walls and Joe’s attitude wasn’t helping any either. Every day it seemed that he could hardly wait to get out to work and away from her and every day she found herself with less and less to do.  Hop Sing seemed to run the house so efficiently that she didn’t seem to be needed to do anything there and there was just so much knitting and reading that she could do.  She was used to living in town and getting out and about to see people when she felt like it but out here there wasn’t the same contact with others that she craved.

 

She couldn’t even get out riding any more as Doctor Martin had warned her against it now.  If it wasn’t for her occasional trips in the buggy with Joe she would have felt herself a real prisoner in this house, much and all as she liked living here.  Mr Cartwright and Joe’s brothers were all being very kind to her and were as polite as could be expected and her parents weren’t far away of course, but still she fretted.

 

She wandered out into the front yard and saw Joe standing near the corral with his two brothers. ‘Hello,’ she said as she came up to them.

 

‘Hi,’ said Joe and continued to hitch up the buckboard as if she weren’t there.

 

‘Where are you going?’

 

‘Into town.’

 

‘Can I come?’

 

‘We’re going to get supplies.  It wouldn’t be very interesting for you,’ he said.

 

‘I could go shopping while you’re doing it.’

 

‘I thought you didn’t want to go shopping by yourself?’

 

Anna shrugged. ‘I do now,’ she said. ‘Anything would be better than staying here by myself.’

 

Adam and Hoss looked at each other. ‘Sounds like a good idea ta me,’ said Hoss. ‘You could ride in with Joe and we’ll follow on horseback.’ He grinned as Anna smiled at him.

 

‘We’re probably going to take a while,’ said Joe. ‘We’ll be too long for you.’

 

‘I don’t mind waiting,’ she said. ‘I’ll go and get my shawl.’

 

‘What’s the matter with you little buddy?’ asked Hoss as Anna disappeared into the house again. ‘It don’t hurt fer her ta come with us.’

 

Joe said nothing, but scowled at his brother. Hoss looked at Adam and shrugged his shoulders. ‘It seems to me that you’d better get used to having her around a bit more Joe,’ said Adam carefully. ‘You are married to her after all.’

 

‘Hmph!’ said Joe, continuing to hitch the horses together.

 

‘Come on Joe,’ said Hoss putting an arm around his brother’s shoulder. ‘It ain’t her fault ya know.  Be a bit nicer to her why don’t ya?’

 

‘Why don’t you just mind your own business!’ said Joe as he shrugged his brother’s arm off. ‘I wish everyone would just leave me alone and let me get on with my life my way!’  He stomped off into the barn and Hoss shrugged his shoulders at Adam.

 

‘It don’t seem like things are getting any better between em,’ he said sadly.

 

Adam pulled a face. ‘No,’ he said. ‘I think our little brother is finding all this a bit much. Maybe Pa should have a talk with him.’

 

‘Maybe,’ said Hoss. ‘Come on, let’s get saddled up if we’re riding in after all.

 

Adam watched Joe and Anna carefully on the way into town and didn’t like what he saw.  The two hardly spoke and didn’t even seem happy to be sitting together.  It seemed to him that they were like two strangers and the thought kept nagging at him during the whole drive.  By the time they reached town, he could sense that Joe was quite anxious to get away from Anna and as he handed her down from the buckboard he heard him say, ‘Don’t forget we’ll be a long time here. Don’t blame me if you get bored.’ Anna gave him an angry look and walked off down the street.

 

‘That was a bit uncalled for, don’t you think?’ said Adam.

 

Joe glared at him and stomped off into the store, leaving his older brother shaking his head behind him. ‘Come on Hoss,’ he said. ‘We’ve got work to do.’

 

By the time the brothers had finished, the buckboard was full and they were ready for a rest. ‘How about a drink?’ suggested Hoss.

 

‘I’ll be in that,’ said Adam. ‘How about you Joe?’

 

‘Sure,’ said Joe, his mood somewhat calmer now. ‘I haven’t had one in ages.’

 

‘Come on then little brother,’ said Hoss. ‘My treat.’  He flung his arm around his brother’s shoulder and pulled him towards the Saloon. 

 

Just at that moment there was a voice behind them. ‘Joe!’ called Anna. ‘Have you finished?’

 

‘Nearly,’ he said. ‘We’re having a drink before we leave.’

 

‘Oh,’ she said. There was silence.

 

‘Can’t you find something to do while we’re in there?’ he asked impatiently.

 

She hesitated. ‘I’ll just sit here in the buckboard and wait,’ she said.

 

‘Fine!’ Joe turned and began to follow his brothers.

 

‘Joe,’ said Adam. ‘You can’t just leave Anna sitting there like that!’

 

‘Why not?’ said Joe defensively. ‘You heard her… she offered to.’

 

Adam gave him a long stare and Joe flinched. ‘I deserve a drink don’t I?’ he said defensively.  Adam said nothing, which made Joe even madder. ‘Oh all right then!’ he said angrily. ‘You two go on and leave me behind why don’t you?  I’m getting used to missing out on everything around here anyway!’

 

Adam glared back at his brother. ‘Would you lower your voice?’ he snarled. ‘How do you think you’re making Anna feel talking like that?’

 

Joe turned and stomped away from his brothers and back to the buckboard.  He climbed up and sat silently next to Anna who glanced at him sideways. ‘I’m sorry Joe,’ she said. ‘I don’t mind sitting here by myself.  Really I don’t.’

 

‘Forget it!’ he said. ‘I’m here now aren’t I?’

 

They sat in silence for a few moments until Anna spoke. ‘I heard that there’s a dance on next Friday night,’ she said. ‘Do you want to go?’

 

‘What for? I can’t dance with anyone except you.’

 

‘Well thank you very much!’ she said. ‘You used to enjoy dancing with me if I recall.’

 

‘I didn’t mean that.  I just meant that you probably wouldn’t want to dance too much and then I couldn’t.’

 

‘Of course you could.  Just because we’re married doesn’t mean that you can’t dance with other girls you know.’  She smiled at him. ‘As long as you don’t get fresh with them or anything.’

 

Joe glared at her. ‘That’s exactly what I mean,’ he said. ‘Those days are over now, so what’s the point of going?’

 

‘To dance,’ she said. ‘Honestly Joe, would you just grow up a bit?  You’re acting like a child!’

 

‘Now you’re beginning to sound like my father,’ he said. ‘Sorry if your husband is not to your liking!’

 

Anna closed her mouth, not trusting herself to say something that she might regret later.  The two of them sat in silence together with faces like thunder until Sheriff Coffee passed them by and greeted them.

 

‘Joe! Anna!’ he said. ‘How are you both?’

 

‘Fine!’ said Joe.

 

‘I’m well thank you Sheriff Coffee,’ said Anna.

 

Roy Coffee sensed the tension in the air immediately.  He tipped his hat at the young couple and walked away immediately thinking that all was not well for the two young people who had only been married for such a short time.

 

 

+++++++

 

 

‘Why don’t you wear your new one?’ asked Joe as he watched Anna struggle to do up the fastenings on her dress. ‘That one’s getting tight on you.’

 

‘I should have thought of it before,’ she said. ‘My new one isn’t a dancing dress, it’s a day dress.  I really should have got something to wear tonight, but I just didn’t think about it. Try and do this up for me, will you?’

 

Joe struggled to do up the fastenings down her back. ‘We’re gonna havta tell people soon,’ he said. ‘You’re beginning to look… you know.’

 

‘We can’t!’ she said anxiously. ‘We’ve only been married two weeks and they’ll know!’

 

‘Well they’re gonna know in a few months anyways,’ he said.

 

‘We’ll just say that the baby came early,’ she said.

 

‘Will they believe it?’

 

‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘We’ll just have to wait and see I guess.’

 

‘When is it due anyway?’ asked Joe. ‘It takes nine months don’t it?’

 

Anna turned away from him. ‘At the most,’ she said. ‘They usually come before that though.’

 

‘Yeah?’

 

‘I think it will be early.  Most babies in my family are.’  She fiddled with her shawl.

 

‘Well then, when will it be?’

 

She shrugged and continued to fiddle with her shawl. ‘Oh… I don’t know.  Sometime before Christmas I guess.’

 

‘Well that’s a bit vague,’ he said. ‘When before Christmas?’

 

‘Aren’t you ever going to be ready?’ she asked. ‘We don’t want to be late you know.  Come on!’ Anna flounced out of the room leaving Joe shaking his head behind her. ‘Women!’ he said as he picked up his hairbrush.

 

 

+++++++

 

 

‘So how is married life treating you Joe?’ asked Becky Anderson as she came up beside him. ‘Happy?’

 

‘Yeah!’ he said sarcastically. She looked at him strangely. ‘Sorry,’ he said in a milder tone. ‘Yeah I’m happy.  How are you?’

 

‘Oh I’m fine,’ she said. ‘I must be honest and say that I was disappointed to hear that you were married Joe.  A lot of girls around here were.’

 

He said nothing, but stared straight ahead and watched the dancers. ‘You wanna dance?’ he asked after a moment’s silence.

 

‘Don’t you think you should stay with your wife?’ Becky said, motioning towards Anna who was seated behind them.

 

‘I suppose so,’ he said. ‘Well, I’ll see you later.’  He walked over and sat down next to Anna and watched his two brothers dancing.

 

‘Hoss seems to be having a good time,’ said Anna after a moment. ‘I thought you said he didn’t like dancing?’

 

‘He doesn’t usually,’ said Joe. ‘He just likes Betsy-Sue more than dancing I guess. You wanna dance again?’

 

‘No.  I think I’ve had enough.  You go on though.’

 

‘Everyone seems to think I should be here with you,’ he said. ‘Every time I go to talk to anyone they remind me that you’re over here.’

 

‘Sorry,’ she said.

 

He shrugged. ‘I guess I gotta get used to it.’  They sat in silence for another few minutes. ‘You wanna go home?’ he asked.

 

‘No.  I’m enjoying just being here,’ she said. ‘Unless you do.’

 

He shrugged again. ‘Nah!’ he said. ‘Guess I’ll just watch too.’  The two of them sat without saying a word while everyone danced around them.  Joe felt as lonely as he had ever felt and wondered at how strange it was to feel that way in the middle of a crowded room.  If this was what married life was about, then he didn’t like it one bit!

 
+++++++

 

 

Ben sat at his desk and tried to concentrate on the accounts in front of him and ignore the shouting that was taking place upstairs. He shook his head as he thought about the fact that every time Joe and Anna got together lately they just seemed to get into an argument.  It was as if they couldn’t help themselves.  He flinched as he heard the bedroom door upstairs slam and watched as Joe came pounding down the stairs.

 

‘Joseph!’ he said. Joe ignored his father and strode towards the front door. ‘Joseph!’ repeated Ben. ‘Come here please!’

 

Joe turned and walked towards his father’s desk. ‘Yeah Pa?’ he said sullenly.

 

‘Sit down.’

 

‘I’ve got work to do.’

 

‘I said to sit down!’ repeated Ben firmly.

 

Joe sat down on the edge of a chair and looked at his father.  His jaw was clenched, his eyes were bright with anger and he was breathing heavily. ‘Is it necessary for you and Anna to involve the whole household in your disputes?’ asked Ben quietly.

 

Joe glared at his father ‘I didn’t ask anyone to listen,’ he said angrily.

 

‘We have no choice but to listen,’ said his father. ‘The way you two have been yelling at each other, everyone in the district could hear it.’

 

Joe took a deep breath. ‘Well I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘We’ll try not to yell so much then.  We’ll whisper when we fight next time.’

 

Ben sighed and stood up.  He walked around to the other side of the desk and pulled a chair up close to his son as he sat down. ‘Joe,’ he said gently. ‘I’m sorry things aren’t working out for the two of you son, but you really have to try and make this work.’

 

Joe looked at his father sadly, all the anger dissolving at the man’s words. ‘I’m trying Pa,’ he said. ‘But I just can’t help it.  We’re really starting to get on each other’s nerves you know and it’s like… well, we really don’t like each other very much lately.’

 

Ben nodded. ‘I see. Joe I don’t really know what to say to that except to say that you both have an obligation to each other and … well, you don’t want things to continue in this way do you?’

 

Joe shook his head. ‘No I don’t,’ he said. ‘To tell you the truth Pa, I feel real miserable living like this.’

 

‘I know son.’  Ben massaged the back of his son’s neck. ‘But you see, you really don’t have much choice.  You and Anna have to make up your minds to get along with each other for both your sakes. Are you really trying hard enough?’

 

‘I don’t know what else I could do,’ Joe admitted. ‘We … well, we don’t really see eye to eye about things.  And we don’t even…’ he hesitated, not really wanting to talk to his father about all this, but feeling desperate to confide in someone. ‘We don’t even … well…’

 

‘Have a relationship together?’ asked his father gently.

 

Joe nodded, grateful not to have to say the words.

 

Ben sighed. He had suspected as much… it was obvious in the way the two young people acted around each other.  His heart constricted as he thought about the wonderful married life he had had with this boy’s mother.  He wanted so desperately for his son to be as happy as he had been in his life, but it seemed as if that wasn’t to be.  He heart ached for his son’s lost chance at happiness.

 

‘Joe,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry that things have turned out for you this way.  Anna too.’  He glanced up at the stairs. ‘I’m sure all this can’t be good for her in her condition.’

 

Joe shrugged. ‘Probably not,’ he admitted. ‘I’ll just try to stay away from her more I guess.’

 

‘Joe that’s not going to solve the problem,’ said his father. ‘You have to face it together, not apart.’

 

Joe put his face in his hands. ‘I don’t know what to do Pa,’ he said. ‘I don’t even like her very much!’  He stood up. ‘I’ve got to get to work now,’ he said. ‘I’ll see you at dinner.’

 

Ben sat silently as his son left the room.  He picked up the picture of Joe’s mother that stood on the desk next to him and stared at it. ‘Help him Marie,’ he said. ‘I don’t know how to this time… but you might, my love.  Help him. Show him how to deal with his new life.’

 

 

+++++++

 

 

Anna lay on the bed with her hands on her stomach.  She could feel the baby kicking for the first time and the thought of it made her smile.  She squirmed as a feeling of nausea washed over her suddenly and she wiped her hand across her forehead wearily. She just felt so tired lately and didn’t have any energy at all.

 

Suddenly the door opened and Joe entered the room. ‘Aren’t you coming down for dinner?’ he asked abruptly.

 

‘I don’t feel like it,’ she replied. ‘Could you just ask Hop Sing to fix me up a tray?’

 

‘Suit yourself,’ he replied as he began to wash his face and hands. ‘Pa and my brothers will think we’ve had another fight though if you don’t come down again.’

 

‘What do I care?’ she asked crossly.

 

‘No, what would you care?’ he said as he reached for a towel. ‘You don’t care about anything but yourself lately.’

 

Anna sat up and glared at him. ‘I’m having a baby in case you haven’t noticed,’ she said sarcastically. ‘I have every right to think about myself.  No one else around here does!’

 

‘That isn’t true and you know it!’ he retorted. ‘Pa and my brothers would do anything for you that they could.’

 

‘More than you do!’ she said. ‘You don’t seem to care about me at all.’ Joe was silent as he took off his shirt and reached for a clean one. ‘You don’t care about me or this baby,’ continued Anna. ‘You would be pleased if we just disappeared out of your life altogether.’

 

‘Don’t be stupid!’ said Joe angrily. ‘I do care about the baby.’

 

‘But not me!’ she retorted. ‘You wouldn’t care if I lived or died Joseph Cartwright!  Well maybe I don’t care about you either!’

 

Joe shrugged. ‘Why don’t you just lay down again and rest,’ he said. ‘You’re not doing the baby any good.’

 

‘I’m sick of hearing that!’ she said angrily. ‘All anyone cares about is this baby! What about me for a change?’

 

Joe buttoned up his shirt. ‘Oh be quiet!’ he said angrily. ‘Everyone will hear you.’

 

‘Too bad!’ she said. ‘I don’t care!’

 

‘Well I do,’ he said. ‘I’m sick of everyone hearing us fight. Besides I meant it… it isn’t good for the baby.’

 

‘You just mind your own business and leave me to mind mine!’ she said angrily.

 

‘That baby is my business,’ he said.

 

‘No it isn’t!’ she shouted. ‘It’s mine, not yours!’

 

Joe stared at her. ‘What?’ he said quietly. ‘What did you say?’

 

Anna went pale. ‘I said it’s my business,’ she said.

 

‘You said it was your baby, not mine,’ said Joe, staring at her.

 

‘I meant that I’m the mother, not you!’ she said.

 

Joe stared at her. He strode over to the bed and pulled on her arm to force her to sit up again. ‘What did you mean by that?’ he said.

 

Anna swallowed. ‘I just told you,’ she said. ‘I’m the mother, not you!’ she avoided looking at him and pulled her arm away and rolled over on the bed. ‘Leave me alone!’ she said as she began to cry. ‘Just leave me alone!’

 

Joe stared down at her, breathing heavily.  After a moment he strode out of the room and down the hallway.  As he reached the bottom of the stairs, his father looked up. ‘Joseph?’ he called. ‘What’s the matter?’ Joe didn’t answer him, but ran towards the front door.  Within seconds he had disappeared into the night.

 

 

+++++++

 

 

Paul Martin had just sat down to his dinner when he heard a loud thumping on his door. He sighed as he pushed his plate away and looked at the food longingly. Since he could first remember he had always wanted to be a doctor and he really did enjoy his chosen profession, but he did admit that there were times when he could have done with a few less interruptions while doing it.

 

He opened the door to see Joe Cartwright standing there in front of him. ‘Joe!’ he said surprised. ‘Are you all right?  Is there something wrong at home?’

 

Joe shook his head. ‘Everyone’s fine Doc,’ he said. ‘I need to talk to you though.  Is it OK?’

 

Paul stood aside to let the boy into his room. ‘Of course,’ he said, motioning him to a chair. ‘What is all this about?’

 

Joe licked his lips. ‘I need to talk to you about Anna,’ he said.

 

‘Yes?  What about her?’

 

‘Well you’re her doctor and you’d know,’ he said.

 

Paul narrowed his eyes slightly. ‘Joe as you say I’m Anna’s doctor,’ he said. ‘But there are some things I can’t discuss even with you.’

 

‘But I’m married to her!’

 

‘True,’ acknowledged the doctor. ‘Tell me what it is you want to know first and I’ll see if I can help you.’

 

‘I need to know when she first came to see you,’ said Joe. And how far… I mean …  when the baby is due to be born.’

 

Paul hesitated. ‘Anna’s visits to me prior to you knowing about the baby are confidential,’ he said.

 

‘When is the baby gonna be born?’ Joe persisted.

 

‘Hasn’t she told you?’ Paul looked at the boy with pity.

 

‘She said sometime before Christmas,’ said Joe. ‘That’s all she’ll tell me.’ He looked at the doctor pleadingly. ‘I really gotta know,’ he said.

 

Paul hesitated. ‘Wait here,’ he said. He stood up and turned a couple of pages of a large book that was on the table next to him and patted the page he left open meaningfully. ‘I have to go into the next room for a moment,’ he said looking at Joe intently. ‘You stay here and….wait.’ His eyes went to the book again.

 

Joe looked up at the doctor as he stood up. He watched as the man left the room and then he turned the book towards him.  It was an appointment book, outlining all the doctor’s appointments for the past few months.  He ran his finger down the page and drew in his breath as he saw Anna’s name written there.  The visit was dated two months ago.  Joe felt his head spinning.  The date was even before…he closed his eyes as he tried to remember the night they had been together.  It was only days before the date of her visit to the doctor!

 

Paul entered the room again. ‘Do you still need to talk to me?’ he asked.

 

Joe shook his head and stood up. ‘No,’ he said quietly.

 

‘Are you all right?’

 

Joe didn’t answer, but walked towards the door silently, his shoulders hunched and his head down.  Paul Martin stood silently as the door closed behind him.

 

 

+++++++

The house was dark by the time that Joe finally made it home again.  He had spent the past few hours riding aimlessly in the dark, not really caring where he was going and it was only his eventual exhaustion that finally made him head towards the ranch again.  He tried to block his thoughts and concentrate on his riding, needing to get some space between himself and Anna before he would be forced to face her again.  He was so angry and confused that he didn’t know if he could trust himself not to hurt her and he didn’t want to place either of them in a position where he might.

 

So it was with a sigh a relief that he approached the house after seeing to his horse. He had hoped to be able to sneak in quietly and it seemed that it was to be the case.  As he opened the front door, however, a quiet voice broke the stillness. ‘Joseph?’

 

Joe turned to see his father sitting next to the fireplace in an easy chair, a lamp turned down low beside him. ‘Joseph?’ Ben repeated. ‘Are you all right son? You ran out of here in such a hurry that I was worried about you.’

 

‘I’m fine Pa,’ said Joe in a low voice. ‘Goodnight.’

 

‘Just a moment young man,’ said his father. ‘I want to talk to you.’  He stood up and walked over to this son.

 

Joe put up his hand. ‘Please Pa,’ he said. ‘I really need to go upstairs now.’

 

‘But I…’  Ben stopped as he drew close to the boy and saw the drawn look on his face and the hollow eyes. He nodded. ‘All right Joe,’ he said. ‘We’ll talk in the morning. Good night son.’

 

‘Goodnight Pa,’ said Joe and turned to mount the stairs.  As he approached his bedroom he noticed a light coming from under the doorway and he squared his shoulders as he opened the door. 

 

Anna was lying on the bed in her nightgown and robe with a lamp turned on low beside her.  Her eyes were closed and she seemed to be sleeping.  Joe sat on a chair next to the bed and stared at her, his thoughts whirling around in his head.  Suddenly her eyes opened and she looked directly at him. ‘You’re back,’ she said. Joe nodded silently, still staring at her. ‘I was worried about you,’ she said.

 

‘Were you?’

 

Anna sat up. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry about what I said before Joe. I didn’t mean it.’

 

‘Didn’t you?’

 

She looked at him nervously. ‘No.  Can’t we try and forget all about the stupid fight we had.’

 

Joe shook his head. ‘No,’ he said.

 

‘Joe, I said I was sorry…’

 

‘Yes… so you did.’  Joe leant forward. ‘What else are you sorry about Anna?  Or aren’t you really sorry about any of it?’

 

Anna looked worried. ‘What are you talking about?’ she asked tentatively.

 

‘I went to see Doc Martin,’ said Joe and noticed how she immediately went pale. ‘I know the truth about the baby.’

 

‘What truth?’ she asked with a false laugh. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

 

‘Yes you do,’ he replied, staring at her coldly. ‘I told you I know about the baby.  I know it isn’t mine.’

 

Anna went even paler. ‘He had no right to tell you that!’ she declared. ‘No right!’

 

‘He didn’t,’ said Joe as he sat back in his chair. ‘I saw your name in his appointment book.  Your first appointment with him was before we… were together. The baby isn’t mine and you knew it.’

 

Anna shook her head. ‘Joe you’ve got to believe me!’ she said. ‘That wasn’t why… it happened!  I swear it!’

 

‘Don’t lie any more,’ he said coldly. ‘You wanted to be with me to… well to make it look like I was the father,’ he said. ‘You planned this all from the beginning.’

 

Anna shook her head even harder. ‘No!’ she said. ‘No Joe! You’ve got to believe me… I didn’t!  I swear it!’

 

‘It’s Fred Tyler’s isn’t it?’ asked Joe.  That’s why he left wasn’t it?’

 

She nodded miserably. ‘Yes.  I told him about the baby and he just left town.  He didn’t want it or me.’  She began to cry.  ‘But believe me Joe that wasn’t why I was with you that night.  I was just so upset and confused and when you were so nice to me at the dance that night I just… well I guess I just wanted a bit of comfort.’

 

‘Well you certainly got it,’ said Joe. ‘And when did you decide to use me like this?’

 

Anna swallowed. ‘I didn’t think about it until later,’ she said. ‘I was so scared Joe.  I didn’t know what to do.’ She hesitated. ‘It could have been yours.’

 

He gave her a hard look. ‘But it isn’t.’

 

She shook her head. ‘No,’ she said quietly. ‘No, it isn’t.’  She looked at him fearfully. ‘What are you going to do now?’ she asked.

 

Joe looked at her silently for a full minute before standing up. ‘You got what you wanted,’ he said. ‘You got a name for your baby Anna and I hope you’re happy.   But don’t expect me to ever forgive you for ruining my life!’ The look he gave her made her draw back against the wall.

 

‘Are you going to tell your father?’ she asked tentatively.

 

‘I don’t know yet,’ he said.

 

‘Please Joe,’ she said as she reached towards him and grabbed him by the arm. ‘Please don’t tell anyone!’

 

He shook himself free of her. ‘Don’t touch me,’ he said in a quiet voice. ‘Don’t you ever touch me again.’  Anna drew back again and stared at him. ‘I hate you,’ said Joe as he turned away from her. ‘I really hate you Anna for what you’ve done to me.’  He opened the door.

 

‘Where are you going?’ she asked.

 

‘I’m sleeping in the guestroom,’ he said. ‘I don’t feel like sharing a bed with you tonight.’

 

‘Your father and brothers will wonder why,’ she said desperately. ‘Please Joe!’

 

Joe gave her a cold look. ‘I don’t care,’ he said as he shut the door.

 

 

+++++++

 

 

Ben looked through the window of the study and watched his youngest son fall yet again from the horse.  He shook his head.  Joseph had been riding that animal for the past half-hour as if his very life depended on it and judging by the events of the past couple of days Ben wasn’t at all surprised.  There was a build up of anger in the boy that was easy to see and he was obviously taking it out on the horse as he strove to break it.

 

The other night when Joe had come home it had been obvious to his father that something was eating away at him and all attempts to get him to talk about it since had failed.  They had all tried.  When Ben couldn’t get through to him he’d asked first Hoss and then Adam to try, but they had all come up with nothing.  It was as if the boy had shut himself off from them all and was determined to shoulder whatever was troubling him alone.

 

Ben felt that Anna knew what was going on though.  Her behaviour had also been strange lately and the tension between the two of them had reached breaking point.  She spent a great deal of time in their room upstairs, only coming out when she had to and Ben hadn’t seen the two young people exchange more than a handful of words in all that time. It was as if they were deliberately avoiding each other, which as far as Ben was concerned was possibly a good thing at the moment.  Whatever was going on between them, they obviously needed some space.  At least they weren’t all being subjected to the incessant fighting that had been their habit of late. 

 

Ben strode out onto the front porch and stood watching as Joe mounted up yet again. He turned as Adam came and stood next to him. ‘Determined cuss isn’t he?’ said Adam.

 

‘I wish we could get to the heart of what’s going on,’ said Ben.

 

‘They’ll sort through it Pa,’ replied Adam with a glance at his father’s worried face. ‘You know what Joe’s like.  One minute he’s down in the dumps and the next he’s laughing again.’

 

Ben shook his head. ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘This has gone on for a few days now. See what I mean?’  He pointed to the corral where Joe had just hit the dirt for another time. ‘Joseph!’ he called. ‘Stay off that horse and give both of you a break!’

 

Joe gave his father a dark look and reached for the reins again. ‘Stop him Adam,’ said Ben. ‘He’ll kill himself or the horse if he doesn’t stop this nonsense.’

 

Adam walked over quickly to the corral and climbed the fence.  He reached the horse just as Joe was about to mount up again. ‘Pa said to give it a rest,’ he said. ‘Have some sense Joe.  The animal has had it.’

 

‘Well I haven’t!’ replied Joe angrily as he tried to wrench the reins from his brother’s hands. ‘Let me have them Adam!’

 

Adam refused to let go. ‘Stop it Joe!’ he said firmly.

 

Joe reached out and pushed his brother backwards and knocked him off balance.  Before Adam knew it he was sprawling in the dirt and looking at the sky. ‘That’s it!’ he said angrily. ‘I’ve just about had it with you!’  He got up and punched his younger brother square on the jaw with a blow that sent him reeling backwards.  Joe gave a yell and launched himself at Adam and within seconds the two brothers were rolling in the dirt, arms and legs flailing.

 

Ben opened the corral gate and pulled the horse away from them, tying it to the corral fence well out of the way. ‘Stop it!’ he yelled at both of them. ‘I said stop it the both of you!’  He reached down and pulled Joe off Adam, holding him back by the arms and shaking him. ‘Stop it Joseph!’ he shouted in the boy’s face.

 

Joe’s eyes landed on his father and for a moment it seemed like he was about to continue to struggle.  But something about the man’s demeanour stilled him immediately and he stood still. ‘That’s enough,’ said Ben in a quieter tone as he turned to see Adam getting up from the ground. ‘What’s gotten into the two of you?’

 

‘Ask him,’ said Adam. ‘He started it.’

 

Joe glared at his brother. ‘If you’d just mind your own business and let me do things my way I wouldn’t have needed to push you,’ he said angrily.

 

‘Your brother was doing exactly as I asked him to,’ said Ben. ‘You were riding that horse too hard young man.  Stop taking out your bad temper on everyone and everything around here for a change.’

 

Joe said nothing, but simply stared at his father.  Ben pulled him by the arm through the corral gate. ‘Come over here,’ he said. ‘I want to talk to you.’ Adam picked up his hat and walked into the barn leading the horse behind him.

 

‘I’ve got work to do,’ said Joe grumpily as his father forced him to sit down on the edge of the porch and sat next to him.

 

‘I said to sit down,’ repeated Ben. ‘Now what’s gotten into you?  Why are you finding it necessary to carry on like this?’ Joe clenched his jaw and said nothing. ‘Is it something between you and Anna?’ asked Ben and noticed his son jump slightly.  So he had been right!  Whatever it was it was between the two of them. ‘Is this still the fact that you’re not getting on?’ he asked. ‘Because if it is…’

 

Joe shook his head. ‘No,’ he said quietly. ‘It’s not just that.’ 

 

‘Then what? Do you want to talk about it?’

 

Joe shook his head. ‘No.’

 

Ben put his arm around his son’s shoulder. ‘Well when you’re ready to son, I’m here to listen. All right?’ Joe nodded, still staring straight in front of him. ‘And in the meantime do you think you could just try to calm down a bit?’ asked his father. ‘My nerves can’t take much more of this young man.’  He smiled at his son and then frowned, as the boy didn’t so much as glance at his father in response. Ben patted him on the back. ‘Now you get back to work,’ he said. ‘But take it a bit easier from now on OK?’

 

Joe nodded again. ‘Can I go now?’ he asked.

 

‘Yes.’  Ben watched his son go over to the barn and enter it, hoping that he was going to apologize to Adam. He shook his head as he stood up and went back into the house.

 

 

+++++++

 

 

The tension was so thick in the room that Ben could almost see it.  Granted that most of them were trying to relieve it with conversation, but it just wasn’t enough to cover the feelings that hung in the air.  From Hop Sing’s expression as he carried the coffee tray into the room, Ben could see that even he was aware of it.

 

Adam was teaching Anna how to play chess and Joe and Hoss were engaged in a game of checkers at the other end of the table.  It hadn’t escaped Ben’s notice that when Anna had sat down Joseph had moved as far as possible to the other end of the sofa either.  Was it really so bad between the two of them that his son couldn’t even stand to sit next to his own wife? 

 

‘That’s very good,’ said Adam as Anna took one of his knights. ‘I didn’t even see that coming.  You’re going to make an excellent player if you keep this up.’ Anna smiled at him.  It seemed to Ben that it was the first real smile that he’d seen on the girl’s face in days and his heart warmed at the look of it. ‘You see that Joe?’ continued Adam. ‘This wife of yours will give you a run for your money if you want to play her next.’

 

Joe glanced up. ‘No,’ he said shortly.

 

‘Aw, go on Joe,’ urged Hoss. ‘I ain’t any competition for her.  You’ll haveta play her next.’

 

Joe stared at the checkerboard. ‘I said no,’ he said in a low voice.

 

Adam raised an eyebrow at his father and Anna looked as if she were about to cry. I’ll play you next,’ said Ben kindly.

 

Anna smiled at him, ‘Thank you,’ she said, forcing a smile onto her face. ‘I’d like that Mr Cartwright.’

 

‘You know,’ said Ben, deciding to push a point to break the tension. ‘I know you have your own father Anna, but don’t you think it’s about time that we thought of something for you to call me other than Mr Cartwright?’

 

‘What would you like me to call you?’

 

Ben noticed the angry expression on Joe’s face and decided after all that it wasn’t a good time to pursue the subject. ‘Well let’s just think about it shall we?’ he said. ‘Maybe when that grandchild of mine is born we’ll come up with something.’

 

Joe stiffened at his father’s words. ‘Hey you’ll haveta get used ta being called Grandpa then,’ said Hoss with a grin. ‘Won’t that be something eh?’ Joe stood up abruptly, knocking over the board.  ‘Hey!’ said Hoss. ‘Watch what you’re doing will ya Joe?’

 

‘I’m going to bed,’ said Joe with a dark look at Anna and strode towards the stairs.  There was silence as he left the room.

 

After a moment Anna stood up. ‘I think I’ll go on up too,’ she said. ‘Goodnight.’

 

As she entered their room, she noticed that Joe was already undressing and getting into bed. ‘You’re going to bed early,’ she said. ‘Is it to get away from me?’ He didn’t answer her, but climbed under the covers and turned his back on her. ‘Joe?’ she persisted. ‘I asked you a question.’  There was still no answer from the bed. She sat down next to him. ‘I know you’re very angry with me,’ she said, ‘But we have to at least pretend for your family’s sake don’t you think?’ When there was still no answer her voice rose in anger. ‘Aren’t you ever going to speak to me again?  Are you going to carry on like this for the rest of our lives?’

 

He rolled over to face her. ‘That’s exactly what it is, isn’t it Anna?  Thanks to you we’ve got the rest of our lives to live like this. Well you’d better get used to it because I’m not changing.’

 

She glared at him. ‘So you’re going to treat me like this forever?’ she demanded. ‘What about when the baby’s born?  Do you expect it to live with its parents not speaking to each other for its whole life?’

 

His eyes widened. ‘Don’t you dare speak about that child as if it’s mine,’ he said. ‘Its quite clear that it isn’t and even though I might have no choice now but to raise it as my own I don’t have to pretend between us that it is!’

 

‘Do you mean to say that you’re going to tell everyone about this?’

 

He stared at her. ‘What’s the point?’ he said. ‘It wouldn’t be fair to the baby. I wouldn’t take all this out on an innocent child, even if it is yours!’

 

She breathed a sigh of relief. ‘Well I’m pleased to hear that,’ she said.

 

He continued to stare at her. ‘Yeah.  But it don’t change my opinion of you any,’ he said. ‘I meant what I said the other day.  I hate you for what you’ve done to me and I can’t see that changing.  Just don’t expect me to treat you any differently that’s all.’

 

‘What about your family?’

 

‘What about them?’

 

‘What are they supposed to think if we go on like this?’

 

Joe shrugged. ‘I don’t enjoy upsetting them’ he said. ‘But just you remember that they’re my family not yours!’ He sat up. ‘Do you know how hard it is hearing my father saying things about his grandchild and knowing that it’s really not true? Not only have you made my life a farce, but you’re about to do it to my father and brothers too.  They’re gonna think that this baby is related to them and it’s not.  How do you think that makes me feel? How do you think it would make them feel if they knew?’

 

Anna wiped away the tears that were threatening to fall and said nothing.  Joe rolled over and faced the wall again. ‘Just leave me alone,’ he said bitterly. ‘Get lost will you?’  Anna stood up and walked over to the window and sat down on a chair.  The only sound that could be heard was the soft cry of an owl in a tree outside.

 

 

+++++++

 

 

Joe trudged across the front yard wearily.  Lately all he had seemed to do was work and he had to admit that he was getting rather tired of it. The way he looked at it though, if he wasn’t out working then he would have to be at home with Anna and anything was preferable to that.  He couldn’t go to town much because he was sick of everyone asking how he and his new wife were and it galled him to think that everyone assumed that they were blissfully happy.  He couldn’t really blame them, but it just helped to make him feel even unhappier than he already was.

 

And so he lost himself in his work and tried not to think about it all too much.  He knew that he had been distant from his father and brothers and that they were worried about him because of it, but he honestly didn’t know how else to handle it.  He could sense his father’s eyes on him constantly and it worried him to think that the man was so concerned about him and so the best solution he could come up with for now was simply to stay out and work whenever he could. 

 

He stretched his aching back as he reached the front porch.  At least all the extra physical activity he’d been indulging in helped him to sleep at night as well.  It was better than lying awake next to her and thinking about things.

 

Joe opened the door to be greeted by his father. ‘Hi Pa,’ he said wearily.

 

Ben looked at his son anxiously. ‘Hello Joe,’ he said and looked past him outside onto the porch. ‘Is Anna with you son?’

 

‘No,’ he replied in the wooden tone that he had begun to adopt when speaking of Anna. ‘Why would she be?’

 

‘I just hoped,’ said Ben anxiously. ‘She hasn’t been around all day, but she didn’t say that she was going anywhere.’  He looked at Joe anxiously. ‘Also, I found this on your bed.’  He held out an envelope with Joe’s name on it.

 

Joe took the envelope from his father and stared at it for a moment before going over to the sofa and sitting down.  He ripped it open and began to read.

 

Dear Joe,

I suppose by now you have realised that I’ve gone.  To stay would only have made both of us even more miserable and involve your family in our troubles which hasn’t been fair to them all along.

I know that I was wrong to involve you in my problem and whether you believe me or not I am truly sorry that I did.  I realise now that I wasn’t being fair to you and I do regret the way that things have turned out.

I am going to San Francisco to find Fred.  Perhaps he has changed his mind about wanting the baby and will have me now.  If not, then I will survive somehow.  Please don’t follow me. 

When I am settled I’ll begin proceedings for a divorce.  Maybe in this way you will be free of me and my baby.  I know the scandal will still be there for you to live with, but at least it is better than living as we have been.

I don’t feel that I can ask for your forgiveness and anyway, you have made it clear that you aren’t willing to give it.  I only ask that you try not to hate me too much for lying to you about the baby and forcing you into a marriage that I had no right to.

Anna

 

Joe looked up at his father. ‘She’s gone,’ he said quietly.

 

Ben sat down next to him on the sofa. ‘Where?’ he asked.

 

Joe handed his father the letter to read. ‘I guess there’s no point in hiding the truth from you now,’ he said and stared into the fireplace as his father began to read.

 

Ben looked up. ‘Fred?’ he asked.

 

‘Fred Tyler.’

 

Ben nodded and continued to read again.  When he had finished he handed Joe back the letter and was silent. ‘The baby wasn’t mine,’ Joe said after a moment and Ben nodded. ‘You don’t look too surprised,’ said Joe.

 

Ben shook his head. ‘I’m not,’ he said. ‘I suspected as much.’

 

Joe looked shocked. ‘You did?’ he said. ‘You thought the baby wasn’t mine and yet you still wanted me to marry her?’

 

Ben put his arms around his son’s shoulder. ‘No Joe,’ he said. ‘I didn’t know at the beginning.  It was after you were married.  There were… I don’t know… little things that didn’t seem right.  Things just didn’t add up as they should have.  I suspected, but I didn’t know for sure and what good would it have done to stir things up if I was wrong?’

 

Joe nodded. ‘I see,’ he said.

 

‘When did you find out?’ asked his father.

 

‘About a week ago,’ said Joe quietly. ‘She blurted it out one night without thinking and then I got to see her name in Doc Martin’s appointment book.  She’d been to see him before we even… before we were together. She knew all the time.’  Ben sat silently listening to his son. ‘How could she have done that to me Pa?’ Joe blurted out suddenly. ‘How could she have ruined my life that way?’

 

Ben shook his head. ‘She was scared Joe.  I know its no excuse for what she did, but I think she must have been very frightened, don’t you?’

 

‘I told her I hated her.’

 

‘You don’t mean that son.’

 

Joe faced his father. ‘Yes Pa, I do.  Sorry as I am to say it, I do hate her for what she’s done to me. Even if she does go ahead and get a divorce from me, imagine what people around here will say? My life is still ruined no matter what happens now.’

 

Ben nodded.  They both knew what the attitude would be to a young man who was divorced.  It would make Joe not acceptable amongst polite society and while there were plenty of people in the West who wouldn’t think twice about it, there were plenty who would. He would be barred from relationships with many of the eligible young ladies in the district and beyond, a fact that they both knew very well.

 

‘I’ll just have to get used to it I suppose,’ said Joe sadly. ‘I guess it can’t be any worse than it is at the moment.’

 

At that moment there was a knock on the front door and Ben stood up to open it. Albert Reeves stood there, with a face like thunder. ‘Ben,’ he said. ‘I’ve come to talk to…’ he glanced over the man’s shoulder. ‘To him!’ he said angrily and pushed past Ben and into the living room. ‘You!’ he said, pointing a finger at Joe. ‘You explain to me how you allowed my daughter to get on a stage this afternoon in her condition!  When I heard from Charlie at the stage-line that she had caught the stage I couldn’t believe it.  What kind of person are you to encourage her to do it? And just where has she gone anyway?’

 

Joe stood up and reluctantly faced the irate man. ‘Mr Reeves…’ he began.

 

‘Don’t you ‘Mr Reeves’ me!’ shouted Albert. ‘I want an answer! Where is my daughter?’

 

Joe looked at his father briefly before answering. ‘She’s gone to San Francisco,’ he said.

 

‘San Francisco?’ exploded Albert. ‘Why in God’s name would she go there?  And why didn’t you go with her to look after her if it was so important that she go in her condition?’

 

‘I didn’t know she’d gone until a few minutes ago,’ explained Joe.

 

‘Anna and Joe were having a few problems,’ said Ben.

 

‘Well I’d to be pretty stupid if I didn’t know that!’ said Albert. ‘It was obvious!’ He stepped forward and grabbed Joe by the shirt collar. ‘What did you do to my daughter?  What did you do to her to make her leave like that?’

 

Joe struggled to free himself of the man’s grasp. ‘I didn’t do anything to her!’ he declared.

 

‘Liar!’ shouted Albert and drew back his fist and struck Joe full on the face.  Joe reeled back and fell to the floor as Ben sprang forward and pulled Albert away from him.

 

‘Albert!’ Ben yelled. ‘Get control of yourself!’

 

Albert pulled himself out of Ben’s grasp and turned to face them both. ‘I want to know what that son of yours did to my daughter!’ he shouted. ‘Isn’t it enough that he got her into this condition in the first place?  And now he’s done God knows what to make her leave like this!’  He stepped towards Joe again. ‘What did you do?’ he repeated. ‘Tell me!’

 

Joe got up warily and stepped back out of the man’s reach. ‘I told you I didn’t do anything!’ he declared again. He glanced at his father who nodded at him slightly.  Still looking at Albert, Joe reached down and picked up the letter which had fallen on the floor and held it out to the man. ‘Here, read this,’ he said.

 

Albert snatched the letter from Joe’s grasp and read it quickly, the surprise evident on his face.  He was silent for a few moments and then sat down heavily on the sofa. ‘I… I don’t understand,’ he said. ‘What does she mean by all of this?’

 

Joe took a deep breath. ‘She means that it wasn’t my baby,’ he said angrily. ‘She tricked me into marrying her.’

 

‘Joseph!’ said Ben and motioned for his son to be silent. He sat down next to Albert and looked at him intently. ‘This must all be quite a shock for you Albert,’ he said. ‘Would you like some brandy?’ Albert stared into the fireplace and said nothing. Ben reached over and poured a glass of brandy for the man and gave it to him and Albert downed it quickly. ‘Thank you,’ he said.  He looked over at Joe. ‘I’m going after her,’ he said. ‘Are you coming?’

 

Joe shook his head. ‘No,’ he said.

 

Albert nodded. ‘All right. Then I’ll go alone.’

 

‘And do what?’ asked Ben.

 

‘And bring her back here of course,’ said the man. ‘Whatever may have happened, she is my daughter and I intend to look after her.’  He gave Joe a strange look. ‘It seems like I’m the only one willing to do it now.’

 

Ben stood up next to him. ‘Albert….’ he said. ‘You can understand Joe’s reluctance to go after her, can’t you?’

 

Albert said nothing, but turned to walk towards the door. ‘No daughter of mine will be divorced,’ he said. ‘No matter what has happened, this will be worked out. There will be no divorce and no more scandal here.’  He left the room abruptly, slamming the door behind him.  Joe looked at his father silently.

 

 

+++++++

 

 

‘Joseph!’ said Mrs Watkins loudly. ‘How are you today?’

 

‘Fine thank you Ma’am,’ said Joe, tipping his hat to her.

 

‘And Adam,’ she continued. ‘How lovely to see you both.’  She turned to Joe again. ‘How is that lovely young wife of yours Joseph?’  She watched the young man carefully to gauge his reaction.

 

Joe hesitated and glanced at Adam. ‘I’m not sure,’ he said. ‘She’s still in San Francisco.’

 

Mrs Watkins looked puzzled. ‘Still?’ she said. ‘It’s been quite a while hasn’t it?  I would have thought that young lovebirds like you would have wanted to be together.  You must be anxious for her return.’

 

Joe tipped his hat at her again and turned away, but the woman wasn’t going to be put off so easily. ‘Well I must say that whatever her business is in San Francisco, it must be very important to keep her there this long,’ she said.

 

‘You must excuse us Ma’am,’ said Adam. ‘We have business at the Bank.’  He pulled Joe away by the arm and strode across the road.

 

‘I didn’t hear Pa say we had to go to the Bank,’ said Joe.

 

‘He didn’t,’ said Adam. ‘Just keep walking unless you want to go back and talk to her again.’

 

Joe grinned at his brother as they mounted the steps to the Bank. ‘Thanks Adam,’ he said.

 

They entered the building and smiled at the tellers, trying to look busy in the corner as they glanced out of the window. To their relief they saw Mrs Watkins disappearing around the corner of the street. ‘Just as well,’ said Joe. ‘I can’t stand much more of this.  Anyone would think that some of these people had nothing else to think about!’

 

Adam raised an eyebrow at his brother. ‘Some of them don’t,’ he said. ‘’Come on… let’s get out of here before she comes back.’

 

Moments later they were seated in the buckboard and were headed towards The Ponderosa. ‘You’re real good at hiding like that Adam,’ said Joe. ‘Anyone would think you’ve done it before.’

 

I have,’ replied his brother. ‘ Plenty of times.’ Seeing Joe’s puzzled expression he added, ‘Abigail Jones.’

 

Joe giggled. ‘Oh yeah.  I forgot,’ he said. ‘I guess she has given you plenty of practice hiding.’

 

‘I know all the best spots,’ said his brother with a twinkle in his eye. ‘I can show them to you, if you like.’

 

Joe sighed. ‘I might need them.’ he said. ‘Everyone seems to think that Anna and me are their business.’  There was silence for a moment. ‘I thought her father would have come back by now.’

 

‘Maybe he’s having trouble finding her,’ replied Adam. ‘San Francisco is a mighty big place Joe.’

 

‘Yeah. Still, I thought we might have heard from him at least.’

 

‘Well from what you told me, you’re still not exactly his favourite person. Maybe he doesn’t want to let you know what’s happening.’

 

Joe shook his head. ‘You didn’t see him that day.  He may not like me, but he was pretty sure that we weren’t gonna get a divorce.  I’m the one who’s been making his daughter respectable after all.’

 

Adam pulled a face. ‘True.  So you think he’ll still support you both being married even though the truth about the baby has come out?’

 

Joe shrugged his shoulders. ‘I dunno,’ he said. ‘I dunno about any of it any more. I just wanna be rid of Anna Reeves that’s all I know.’  He looked at his brother sadly. ‘I’m sorry I ever got to know her.’

 

Adam nodded his head. ‘Well maybe you might be a bit more careful next time about… well getting to know girls too well.’

 

Joe blushed. ‘Well, you can’t honestly tell me that you haven’t… I mean … well … you know.’

 

Adam tried to hide a smile from his brother. ‘No I can’t,’ he said. ‘But I’ve never been so stupid as to put myself in a position where this sort of thing can happen,’ he said. ‘There are ways you know.  I think you and I need to have a talk little buddy.’  He grinned at his brother. ‘I realise now that I should have had it with you before.’

 

Joe blushed even more. ‘Don’t be stupid Adam!’ he said. ‘Pa and I had that talk a long time ago.  How do you think all this happened in the first place?’

 

Adam pulled the horses to a halt. ‘Joe that’s not what I mean,’ he said. ‘There are some things that you can’t really talk about with Pa, if you get my meaning.’

 

‘Oh.’

 

‘Later on when all this has been settled you and I are going to have a talk little buddy.  You don’t want this sort of thing ever happening again do you?’

 

Joe snorted. ‘There’s no chance of that!’ he declared. ‘I’m gonna be real careful from now on!’

 

Adam nodded. ‘That’s exactly what I’m talking about,’ he said. ‘Now you’re getting the message.’  He brought the horses to a halt in the front yard. ‘I wonder whose horse that is?’

 

‘I dunno,’ said Joe as he jumped down from the buckboard. ‘I don’t recognise it.’

 

At that moment the front door opened and Ben Cartwright appeared. ‘Joseph!’ he called. ‘Come over here son.’

 

Joe pulled a face at Adam and walked over to his father. ‘Yeah Pa?’ he said.

 

Ben put an arm around Joe’s shoulder and began to walk him into the house. ‘Albert Reeves is here,’ he said and felt Joe stiffen at the sound of the man’s name. ‘It’s all right,’ he continued as he walked him through the door. ‘He’s not angry with you this time.’

 

Joe stared at Albert as the man stood up. ‘Joseph,’ he said.

 

‘Mr Reeves, did you find Anna?’ asked Joe.

 

Albert sat down again and faced the fireplace. ‘Yes,’ he said shortly.

 

Ben pulled Joe over to the sofa. ‘Sit down Joseph,’ he said. ‘Albert has to tell you something.’

 

Joe looked at Albert warily. ‘What?’

 

The man continued to stare into the fireplace. ‘Anna is dead,’ he said woodenly.

 

Joe’s eyes widened. ‘What?!’ he said. ‘How?’

 

Albert took a deep breath. ‘It took me ages to find her,’ he said. ‘I searched everywhere I could think of.  I even went to the police, but they couldn’t find anything. I was getting desperate until the day that I finally tracked down Fred Tyler.  He was living on the waterfront and about to take off on a ship for God knows where.  At first he denied that Anna had even been to see him, but finally I got the truth out of him that she had.’  He rubbed his knuckles absentmindedly as he spoke and looked at Joe. ‘I suppose I owe you an apology Joseph.  I know now that what was in the letter was correct.  Tyler was the father of Anna’s baby.  He admitted it to me.  In fact he laughed about it.’  Albert put his face in his hands and was silent for a moment.

 

‘How did Anna die?’ asked Joe quietly.

 

‘After I left Tyler I went back to the police.  I thought they might be able to force some information out of him.  He wouldn’t tell me, but I was sure that he knew where she was.’  He went pale. ‘They had found… her body in the harbour.  She drowned.’

 

Joe stared at the man with pity in his eyes.  No matter what he’d thought of Anna he knew that he hadn’t wanted her to die and to see Albert in front of him now in so much grief just tore at his heart. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said simply.

 

Albert nodded as he continued to stare into the fireplace. It wasn’t clear how it had happened,’ he continued. ‘Tyler was questioned of course once I’d told the police the story, but nothing could be proven. They said they were unsure whether it was murder or… or suicide.’  He took a deep breath. ‘I know the truth though.  Anna would never have done anything like that … not to her baby.’  He buried his face in his hands again and Ben reached out and put his arm around his shoulder.

 

‘I’m so sorry Albert,’ he said. ‘We both are.’  He looked at Joe meaningfully.

 

‘Yes,’ said Joe.

 

Albert looked up at him again. ‘I’ve apologised to you as I came to do,’ he said. ‘But don’t expect that I can just forget all of this. I can’t say it was your fault Joseph, but I do know that you played a part in it.’

 

‘Albert,’ said Ben. ‘What are you saying?  Surely you can’t blame Joe for Anna’s death?’

 

‘No I don’t,’ said Albert. ‘I just meant that your son has been mixed up in this tragedy from the beginning and I can’t just forget his part in it.’  He stared at Joe. ‘You had cause to believe her when she said the baby was yours or you never would have married her, isn’t that right?’

 

Joe clenched his jaw. ‘Yes,’ he said quietly.

 

Albert nodded as he stood up. ‘Well I hope you’ve learned your lesson young man.  I’m glad that you had the chance to.  My Anna didn’t get that chance after all.’  He turned to leave. ‘I’d best be getting back home,’ he said. ‘I came via Carson City so that no one would see me before I had the chance to speak to you out here.  I have to go and tell Beatrice now…’  He hung his head. ‘Lord knows how she’ll take the news.’  He straightened his shoulders. ‘No one knew about the baby. Even though some people mighta guessed I’m grateful that no announcement was ever made.  At least my daughter’s reputation can be at peace with her.’  He turned to Joe as he reached the front door. ‘And yours,’ he said. ‘You’re free again Joseph. I just ask that you pray for my daughter’s soul.’  He left the room, closing the door behind him.

 

 

+++++++

 

 

Ben dismounted from his horse and walked across the clearing to where his son was sitting on the grass staring across the lake. ‘Joe?’ he said as he sat down next to him. ‘I was wondering where you were.’

 

Joe faced his father. ‘ I couldn’t sleep last night,’ he said. ‘So I got up before breakfast and came out for a ride.’ He turned to stare across the lake again. ‘I can’t stop thinking about things.’

 

‘Anna?’

 

Joe nodded. ‘Yes…Anna.’  He sighed. ‘I told her I hated her Pa.  And I guess that I shouldn’t feel like that anymore now that she’s … gone.  But the truth is that I just can’t change my feelings towards her. I mean … I feel sorry for her and I never wanted her to die … but I still can’t bring myself to stop hating her for what she did to me. I know that I should.’

 

Ben sat in silence for a few moments. ‘I think that hate is probably too harsh a word Joseph,’ he said. ‘I can understand you being so angry with her that you’d dislike her, but to hate someone?  Well I don’t know if you’re capable of that to tell the truth.’

 

‘I don’t know Pa,’ said Joe. ‘She made me feel pretty damn …’ he stopped. ‘Sorry,’ he said.

 

Ben gave his son a half-smile. ‘I think in time your feelings won’t be so strong,’ he said.

 

‘And what about now?’ asked Joe. ‘Everyone’s treating me like some sort of grieving widower and I feel like a real fraud. I wish they’d all stop it.’

 

‘They will in time,’ said Ben quietly. ‘Believe me I know.’

 

Joe looked at his father. ‘Yeah I guess you would,’ he said.

 

‘Joseph, there’s still the question of your behaviour in all of this son,’ said Ben.

 

‘Huh?’

 

‘Well as Albert said, you wouldn’t have agreed to marry Anna if you didn’t have cause to think that the baby could have been yours.  While I applaud you taking responsibility in that way your behaviour in general still needs to be questioned.’  Joe looked away from his father. ‘I don’t want to think of a son of mine carrying on like that Joseph,’ continued Ben. ‘I think that you and I need to have a talk about things if you know what I mean.’

 

Joe blushed. ‘Not you too,’ he said softly.

 

‘What?’

 

Oh nothing,’ he said. ‘It’s just that Adam offered to have that talk with me as well.’

 

Ben’s eyebrows arched upwards until they nearly disappeared into his hairline. ‘Oh did he?’ he said.

 

Joe shrugged. ‘I guess I’ll let you both talk about it and decide which one’s gonna do it then.’

 

Ben looked thoughtful. ‘I think that might be best.  I’ll have a talk with Adam first shall I?’  He gave a short chuckle. ‘Come on young man… let’s get back for breakfast.’  He stood up and pulled Joe to his feet. Father and son walked back towards their horses with their arms linked.  Behind them the lake glistened in the early morning sunshine and the promise of another day.

 

 The End

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