Chapter 17

Would You….

“This has been a very lovely day, Juliet,” Adam said as he directed the buggy through the darkening landscape. “I hope we’ll repeat this soon.”

“I’d certainly like to do that, Adam. The Ponderosa has beautiful places, and even though I’m sure you’ve shown me the most impressive ones today, there must be more wonderful sites to explore.” Juliet beamed at him. “And you have been the most pleasant company; thank you for that.”

“Mylady, the pleasure was all mine,” Adam replied with a mock bow.

Juliet looked back over her shoulder at her tired horse, which was tied to the coach and trotted easily in pace with the draft horse, eager to get home to her stable. “And Niobe’s as it seems. She likes to work, and this day did her as much good as me.”

“Yeah, it sure did.” Adam considered Juliet a moment. The last strays of sun had long gone, and Juliet’s face lay half in shadow, which softened her features a little; she looked tired but content, somehow happily worn out. A moment as good as any other, Adam decided. “Um, Juliet, I wondered if you….” He cleared his throat. “There…there’s a barn dance next Saturday, and I…I mean…would you do me the honor of accompanying me?”

“Oh, Adam, I would; really, I would…I would love to go there with you, but…well, as a matter of fact, Jarvis has already asked me, and I accepted.” She sounded apologetic, which was only a small consolation. “Isn’t it bizarre? After all these month I’ve lived in Virginia City no one ever asked me out for a dance, and now I’ve got two invitations at once. I didn’t know you attended dances anyway, Adam.”

“Well, I do, at times. And I would have asked you earlier—only I wasn’t in the shape to go dancing for some time….”

“Which was at least partly my fault,” Juliet said, sounding even more apologetic than before.

“I don’t blame you. I should have stayed at home like a good patient.”

“But I blame myself, and I apologise for making you angry enough to contradict doctor’s orders.”

She looked abashed, but lit up when Adam murmured, “It’s all right, really.”

“Well,” she said in one of her trademark topic flips. “Jarvis can’t dance with me all the time. So if you are there, we can try a waltz or two.”

“There won’t be too much waltzing, Juliet. More polkas and two-steps.”

“Then I’ll reserve all waltzes for you, d’accord?”

“Oui, mademoiselle, avec plaisir! ” He raised an eyebrow at her. “You seem to be very fond of waltzes, Mylady.”

“I love the pace, the swirling, the mood—Vienna waltzes are so merry!” She laughed silently. “I remember when we practised for my first ball Henry accidentally let go of me in the middle of a waltz and I practically somersaulted across the whole hall and right into a suit of armour…. I was lucky all the bruises had faded by the great day.”

“You and Henry, you were very close, weren’t you?”

“Yes, we were. I suppose this happens to siblings when they grow up without a mother. It must have been the same with you and your brothers. You three seem very close, too.”

“We are.” Adam nodded emphatically. “Sometimes there are arguments, and fights, but when it matters it’s….”

“One for all and all for one?”

Adam chuckled. “Well, we’re not exactly the three musketeers, but basically it comes to that, yes.”

“It was the same with Henry and me. He was…he would have made a perfect Earl. He was tall, like you Adam, maybe even taller; and strikingly handsome. A scholar and a warrior, he always labeled himself. And he was! So bright, and all dry wit and fancy ideas about law and justice, always looking for a loophole to fit the rules to his purposes. You would have liked him, I’m sure.”

“He sounds like someone who was dearly missed.”

“Yes, he was. His death…destroyed our father. Henry was the only male descendant, so Father lost not only his son but also the heir to his title. And I…well, after that Pellham Peabody Wilcox-fiasco…there weren’t any suitable interested parties…and I couldn’t bring myself to marry just anyone to provide an heir.”

“What happened?”

Juliet gazed at him, thinking. Then she closed her eyes, sighed, and started to speak in a low, restrained voice. “Father…drank, and gambled. Drank and gambled until he had lost everything: the townhouse in Canterbury, the cottage in Brighton, every single penny. Six years, it took him six years, and no one was able to stop it! There was nothing left, only old drafty Barnstoke Hall and my dowry; and I’m sure he would have gambled away that too, if he hadn’t….” She choked, and Adam could see her lower lip trembling; but she took a deep breath, clenched her jaws, and continued, “…if he hadn’t collapsed inebriated at Henry’s grave on New Year’s Eve. We found him the next morning, frozen to death.”

“Juliet….”

“It’s all right. It’s…it’s…all right. It was four years ago, and I…it’s all right.” She managed to smile, and nodded reassuringly. “It’s not that we didn’t expect him to pass away sooner or later. He was a broken man long before he died.”

“I’m sorry, Juliet. It must have been a very hard time for you.”

“It was…. Well, of course it was. I was lost, completely lost; and then when Uncle Ian and Aunt Maud offered to take me to Australia, I was easily convinced that my future lay not in England, but far away where I could make a new start.”

“You lived in Australia? You never told me that.” Well, she never told him a lot of things she had told him today, Adam thought, and he wouldn’t stop her now.

“We stayed only a short time. Uncle Ian thought it would be the perfect place to build something new, but once he was there he found it entirely too uncivilised and too insecure. He was very concerned about robbery and raids, and felt he wasn’t bold enough to defend two helpless women against threats.” Juliet shook her head. “Well, at the end it turned out he was bolder than anyone would have expected.”

“You had an…incident?”

“One evening I went down to make me some tea, and there was a stranger making sandwiches in our kitchen.”

Adam chuckled. “Did you call him repulsive rotter or repugnant cretin?”

Juliet didn’t laugh. She held his gaze, seriously, stern. “He had a machete. I begged for my life, Adam.”

Adam cringed. “Sorry, I didn’t—”

And then she laughed. “No, it’s all right. You couldn’t…. And you are right: I had a few choice words for him after Uncle Ian hit him over his head with Aunt Maud’s favourite vase. However, two days later Uncle Ian booked the passage to San Francisco.”

They were still chuckling about Aunt Maud’s accusation that Uncle Ian had intentionally chosen for a weapon the Royal Worcester vase he had never liked because it had been a wedding present from his mother-in-law, when Adam stopped the buggy in front of Mrs. Hawkins’ boarding house. The sun had gone down completely by now, and he was glad a bright full moon would illuminate the way back to the Ponderosa. Their way to town had been as interesting as the day before it, and there was only one last question Adam had in mind before he would try and find a proper way to bid Juliet good-bye. “Now all I want to know is why you decided to leave San Francisco’s operas and libraries for our rustic Virginia City.”

“Well, what one wants is not always what one gets.”

Adam was startled by her sudden change in tone. A look into her face confirmed what he had heard, but not believed: it was as if a curtain had fallen. Her imperious mask was back, the stern set of her jaws, the haughty look, the lifted chin, the straightened back. Queen’s stance, defense stance.

“Juliet, I just—”

“This is none of your concern, Adam.”

“I didn’t—”

“Good night, Adam.” She slid from the buggy without assistance. “I’d be much obliged if you’d take care of my horse.” She didn’t even look back when she made her way to the entrance door. Obviously their conversation was over.

Adam stared after her. Dumbfounded.

And then there was rage, sudden, unexpected, exuberant. This time she wouldn’t get away with it. He jumped down the seat and was at her side a second later, a hand on her arm. She whirled around, stared at him, furious.

“What—?”

“Not this time, Juliet. Don’t do this. Tell me what’s wrong, don’t just leave. Not today.”

Her eyes shot daggers at him; and he felt anger radiating from her. For heaven’s sake, why is she angry? Her jaws worked, her shoulders shook.

“Juliet?”

“No.”

“Juliet….” He laid his hands on her shoulders, felt her trembling, saw the tension slowly leaving her face.

“I’m sorry.” It wasn’t more than a whisper. And then her head lay against his shoulder, for a second, maybe less, then she had herself under control again. “I am very sorry; you didn’t deserve this. I…well, the time for subtlety has long passed by, so I’ll say it bluntly: San Francisco is something I’d rather not talk about. Please accept that.”

He wouldn’t say that the likable woman from earlier had come back, but at least she was honest, and she treated him with due respect. He closed his eyes and counted to five. Five, only. Well, this certainly is an improvement, he thought dryly.

“Juliet, if you ever feel like talking, you know I’m willing to listen—whatever it is.”

And then she was back. Smiling, warm eyed, open. “Yes, I know that. Thank you.” Her hand at his chest, as if it was the one thing that held her upright, her face close, so close, too close….

“Lady Juliet, do you have any idea how late it is? I was ready to send the sheriff after you!”

They jumped at the sound of Mrs. Hawkins’ squawking voice. The widow stood in the open door, hands on her hips, scolding eyes on Juliet.

Adam chuckled. “Well, I’d better leave before she sends the sheriff after me. I’ll see to Niobe, don’t worry.” He squeezed her hand. “Good night, Juliet, and thank you for this day.”

“I thank you, Adam; it was a wonderful day.” She was literally pulled into the house and called her “Good night” over the widow’s head while Mrs. Hawkins already was closing the door.

Adam waved her a last salute and went to tend to her horse. He didn’t mind the time he’d need to spend on the extra work and the long road back to the Ponderosa—he had a lot to ponder over.

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There are moments in life, when the heart is so full of emotion
That if by chance it be shaken, or into its depths like a pebble
Drops some careless word, it overflows, and its secret,
Spilt on the ground like water, can never be gathered together.
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything,
and love is all there is. ~ Gary Zukav