Summary: A look in Mary Coffee’s Journal.  A brief look at why the Cartwrights are such staunch allies for Sheriff Roy Coffee, especially when it came to the episode, No Less a Man.

Rating: K+  WC 14,100

 

This is a Camp in the Pines challenge–session 2

Thanks to my beta readers Stetson1859 and jfclover

Disclaimer: Bonanza and its characters are created by David Dortort and originally aired on NBC. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. Other characters then the originals are the property of the author.

 

September 4th 1840

 This will be my first entree in this new Diary and I only realized that this one is the seventh book in my Journal collection. So, I can say with much pride that my entire past is written in six diaries. The first one held so many hopes for a happy life. Some things came true some did not, and so I can say I will begin this book with sad news.

 

Today we lost all we worked for so hard in the last years. First came the hail and destroyed our whole harvest and afterward came the storm and we lost our home. Roy is so desperate. We talked about rebuilding our home but even if we get a new house we can’t live without food. The last two years where already hard on us because of bad weather and therefore the crop wasn’t as fruitful as we would have wished for.

 

Only our new friend Ben Cartwright has helped us through last year with a little bit of this and that. If he shot an antelope we got a little bit extra meat, but he hasn’t much to share with others.

 

I’m so happy that Roy met this man. He saw Ben a few times at Eagle Station where he traded meat and fur for flour, beans and clothes in Mr. Cass’ store. Roy and Ben saw each other not often but a friendship developed over the time and today, Ben visited us with his two sons.

 

 Dear Diary, every time I see the boys my heart goes out to them. They are growing up so fast, and even if they live without a mother, the oldest, Adam, is so protective over the youngest one, Hoss, that they show no signs that they miss a female hand. I loved these children from the first moment I set my eyes on them.

 

I can’t understand why Ben lives here with his children. This area is so solitary that you can go without seeing a human being for days and days and here Ben built a cabin for his family and no female for the children and housekeeping. There are only a few other children at Eagle Station and so it’s a lonely way to live outside with those boys. I think that is the reason why Adam and Hoss are so close.

 

Roy and I have never had children but my heart yearned for a little family even more when I see the two boys together.

 

Only yesterday we met Ben at Eagle Station and he told us about his foreman Jean deMarigny and the way he died. I never saw this man only Roy met him a few times in Mr. Cass’ store. Adam was also sad about his death because Jean was the only person beside his father Adam could talk to. Ben told us also that he needs to go to New Orleans to give Jean’s family the message about his death. Also Ben mentioned he wants to sell the furs in New Orleans because he gets more money for them there without a trader in between. From this money he will buy new cattle because he wants to expand the herd. He was thinking of taking the boys with him because he can’t leave his children behind without an adult to look after.

I scold Ben for this. He can’t take the children with him. How will he do this? He has a wagon full of furs to take with him, a journey who can weaken a man and over and above to take care of children would be too much, even for Ben Cartwright. I told him Roy and I could take care for them. Diary, you should have seen Roy’s look. I think he can’t imagine what it means to take care of children, but I know we will have fun if Ben agrees. I laugh still at his expression.

 

Now, as I write this, I only realize that there was something wrong in my idea because we have no home anymore. Even if Ben would say yes to my idea we couldn’t take in the children. Our house is gone and only the wagon, a few items and two horses are left. Questions over questions but I think I shouldn’t meddle over Ben and his family because Roy and I have such a big problem at our hands.

 

Dear Diary tonight Roy and I will sit together and we will discuss our situation. Maybe we need to decide to leave this region even if I love the Ponderosa Pines and the lake. Maybe a tour back east is in my mind.

 

May god give us the wisdom to do the right thing.

September 10th 1840

My dearest Diary. Today is a good day even if we lost our home last week, Roy and I have found a new but temporary home. It’s the Cartwright cabin. Ben, Roy and I got the best solution for our situations. We have no home anymore and Ben needs someone to take care for his boys and the stock he has. We decided that Roy and I will stay at the cabin for the time Ben is on his business trip to New Orleans. Adam and Hoss are not so happy with this. They want to be with their father and the last two days there was a lot of ruckus in their home.

 

 Early this morning Ben left and Hoss was crying all day. He can’t understand why his pa left. Adam on the other hand was quiet, much too quiet. He was brooding. I wanted to comfort him but he refused and went outside. Hoss is too little for brooding and therefore he cried his pain out. This little child cried for hours but afterward he was so spent that he went to bed early. I hope he will sleep till the morning comes. He needs it. Roy tried to talk with Adam but the boy went in the barn and hasn’t shown, yet.

 

 I will call it an early night because I think there will many things to do tomorrow.

 

 May god bless this little family and give Ben a save ride.

 September 17th 1840

Right now I sit at the big fireplace and enjoy the quietness of the night. It’s now one week since Ben started his big journey and left his children with us. Meanwhile Ben should be in San Francisco and get a passage to New Orleans.

 

 I also got used to the new situation. As a surrogate mother I have lot of work with those boys, the housekeeping and harvest in the vegetable garden.

 

The cabin!

 

Never before I saw such a house, it’s so unusual. The size of this cabin is so unproportional. I asked Adam about it and he told me that this is only the base of the house. One day, says Adam, this house will be really big. Right now there is a room with an alcove and a big fireplace. In the alcove are the beds for the children. In the same room is a little kitchen area and also there is a separated bedroom. In this room Roy and I sleep now and a few boxes of our most important things are put up in one corner. Adam said that he has had the idea for this house and even Jean helped to draw and built it between the hunting trips.

 

Adam showed me a picture of the house he had drawn. I can see that one day this house will be a very big and beautiful one, but will it be also a happy home?

 

An hour ago I put Hoss to bed. This little boy misses his pa very much but every evening I tell him stories about his pa. Tonight I told him that his pa should have arrived in San Francisco by now and how he will be on a sailing ship.

 

I can tell Hoss all the details about ships and the way it sails. The noises a ship makes at night, I can hear them again. My memories from my journey to America are even, after so many years, very vivid. With Hoss so little I only tell the nice things that happened once.

 

Roy is with Adam in the barn. He wants to talk to this boy and maybe he is lucky this time. Yesterday Adam refused to talk and he went quiet again. Maybe Adam needs more time to get used to this new situation, but maybe he is still mad at his pa.

 

May god help Adam open up and relieve his pain.

November 5th 1840

It’s almost two month that I wrote but in this time we have had lots of work. Right before the harvest, Roy met two old cowboys at Eagle Station and they needed work. Jon and Mac, that’s their names, were broken down because there gold seeking wasn’t as successful as they hoped for. It was too late to survive the coming winter because they didn’t have enough money.

 

Ben gave us money for all the supplies we needed in the coming month and also to get help for the harvest time. It was not much but these two cowboys were happy with bunk and beans and a little pocket money. They built for themselves a little room in the barn and both men are eating with us every day.

 

Adam and Hoss are enjoying themselves at the table because these old cowboys can tell stories about their life that we often laugh more than we eat. Hoss is very fascinated with Mac because he is more from the south and always saying things like dadburnit or dadgonit. Now I have a four-year-old child on my hands who says this in every sentence. Adam finds this funny and I’m… not.

 

 

With Adam the situation was a little bit different. Even he wasn’t showing his troubled feelings toward his little brother. Adam was more withdrawn and Roy and I didn’t know how we could get to him. Thanks God right after harvest he opened up.

 

As he spoke I felt as my heart was in an iron brace but before my feelings could show he went on.

 

He thanked us for helping his father and for our kindness to stay. Lordy, this child is much too serious he needs to be a child and not an adult in a child’s body. After he took a long pause he asked, right out of the blue, what would happen to him and Hoss if his father didn’t come home.

 

This was the reason for his behavior the last weeks?

 

We thought Adam was mad at his father for leaving him behind… no, he feared what would happen if Ben never come back. I asked him why he had these thoughts, and he explained it with too much experience and then he explained everything

 

On Adam’s and Ben’s journey west, they saw so many people die but most disturbing for Adam was what would happen if parents die and the children are left behind. No relatives, no close friends and only lots of strangers who struggled on their own to survive.

 

Adam told of his friend Tom and his sister Amelia. They drove with their parents in the same wagon train, but both parents died of fever. The children survived and were brought to Fort St. Vrain. Adam never heard what happens to them but surely, he fears that this can happen with him and his brother.

 

Now finally, Adam’s fears have found words and now we can help.

 

 May god bless this little family.

November 6th 1840

Yesterday we talked again to Adam. Roy explained to him that his pa took precaution if something would happen to him. As well as Ben’s brother John as grandfather Stoddard would take Hoss and Adam if Ben can’t take care of his boys anymore. Roy and I would take them to the East. Ben thought of all the important things. The smile Adam gave us was so nice.

 

Also today Hoss and I were so busy. We were baking cake and cookies. Lordy, this was so much fun for us, but I’m not really sure this boy will survive the evening. He nibbled so many cookies that I fear he will get an upset stomach. Now he is taking his afternoon nap, and I have time and quietness to write.

 

Tonight we will celebrate a little because of our 18 years anniversary. Where has the time gone? It seems so long since we were married, but it is for me like a beat of a butterfly wing. There was so much happiness but also sadness. So many years gone and we are now standing at the same point as right after our marriage. No children. No home or land of our own. Roy and I will not get younger and to start new takes so much energy. Can we reclaim land again? In these days I’m thinking always the same:

 

Why should we dare to start over?

 

 May god forgive me for my thoughts.

December 7th 1840

A little snow here and there but this winter isn’t really earning its name. The little snow we have had melted away. Roy went a few times to Eagle Station and got supplies and presents for Christmas. He said that Mr. Cass asked him to help in the store. The coming Christmastime is the busiest in the whole year and therefore Roy agreed. With little work to do here at the Ponderosa, and with the two hands who earn their bed and beans, we were happy to have the extra money. Adam went a few times with Roy and came back very excited. A man arrived at Eagle Station, a mysterious man; he wanted to stay during the winter in Eagle Station. He is not a gold digger he said he would do research around the west and he is very educated. Because he speaks so well and knows so much, Mr. Cass asked him if he would give his children lessons during the winter time. Mr. Daugherty, that’s his name, agreed. So, the two children from Mr. Cass and the boy from the blacksmith will go to school. Of course there is no schoolhouse but Mr. Cass allowed them to use the back of the storage room.

 

Adam wanted so bad to go to school. Even if he can write, read and calculate very well, he wants to learn more. Roy and I talked about it and gave him our permission. Three times a week he will attend school and Roy suggested he and Adam will stay in Eagle Station. Hoss is one very unhappy boy. I will get him very busy with Christmas chores so he will not miss Adam so much.

December 22th 1840

The last two weeks we have been busy cleaning, baking and other chores to make Christmas special. This is our first time that Roy and I celebrate with children in the house. Adam wants a tree in the house. I don’t know about this. Why in heavens name should we take a tree in the house and put angels and stars on it? Adam told us that on the trail west a German family decorated a twig with little things like self made angels. Adam was fascinated with other customs and so Ben and Inger made it a Cartwright custom. We will see.

 

The day after tomorrow Roy and Adam will come back from Eagle Station and they will stay after New Year’s Day.

December 24th 1840

Oh Lordy, we have a tree in the room. After lunch Roy, Mac, Jon, Adam and little Hoss went into the woods to get a Christmas tree. Roy and Hoss took the wagon with the mules. They found a tree and all of them decorated it with paper angels and all of the other things Hoss made these last days.

 

After dinner we sat at the fireside and talked a while. Jon and Mac told about their journey west and how difficult it was to find gold. I think both are not real gold diggers, they are more cowboys. Maybe Mac and Jon will stay at the Ponderosa. If Ben gets the amount of money for the furs as he thinks then he needs men to handle the ranch.

 

It was a nice evening and after the boys went to sleep we put the presents under the tree. Now I think it’s nice to have a Christmas tree because the presents look so nice under it.

December 25th 1840

This morning began very noisy because Hoss was up very early and saw the presents. He was shouting for us and there was laughing and lot of happiness. For Christmas he got three presents. The first one was a farm house with a barn and animals and it was a present from his Pa. Ben brought it before he went away. The second one was from Adam. He bought Hoss chocolate. Never before had he tasted it, and I think Hoss was in heaven as the chocolate melted in his mouth. He was laughing and even Adam smiled as he saw the black chocolate teeth. The third present came from us. It was only a little present because the money is so tight, but a few marbles made this child happy.

 

Adam got from his father a book. The book was written from Frederik Marryat and it’s something about Africa. The second present came from us. Also not much. Only a sketch block and a pencil. Hoss made a picture for Adam with his pa, Adam and himself. A picture of a little family with members who loves each other so much. My heart went out for them as Adam took the picture and put it up at the wall of the alcove next to his bed. Before tears of happiness could run down my cheeks, I got up and made a wonderful breakfast.

 

Shortly before bed time, Hoss and Adam got very quiet. We prayed for Ben and his healthy return.

December 28th 1840

Christmas was so much fun and so much sadness at the same time. I thought it would be Hoss who would be troubled because his father is so far away. No, it was Adam. He tried to be brave but one time I heard him crying. It wasn’t much that we got out of him, but this is his first Christmas without his pa. Poor lad.

 

 Now, that Christmas is over we got snow. Lots of snow. The children made snow angels and Roy, along with Adam and Hoss, got in a snowball fight. That was funny and by the end I got three very cold men. Now it’s time to prepare dinner. Today is a happy day for us because I never saw Roy laugh so much.

December 31st 1840

Since Christmas no one could go to Eagle Station. A snow storm with lots of snow made the way impassable. Our days are more quiet and we can do only our chores around the house. Adam has, most of the time, his nose in the books Mr. Daugherty lends him. Hoss and I play farmer and marbles and one thing is for sure, I can’t play marbles. I lose every time and Hoss is laughing a lot.

 

 This night we will celebrate a little the upcoming New Year’s Eve. So much happened to us in this last month, I don’t want to think about what may will come in the new year.

 

 With these thoughts – I think sometimes I feel a little depressed.

January 6th 1841

We are snarling at each other almost all day. I think we have cabin fever because we can’t go anywhere. There was so much snow during the last few days. Mac, Jon, Roy and the boys shoveled a way between the house and the barn. Thanks heaven we got the cattle in a coral next to the barn.

 

Adam is missing his school. For nothing better to do, he revised his old homework over and over. I think Adam is trying to retract himself from this world. Often he stares in the fire, but I believe he isn’t seeing it. Adam is mulling about something important. This kid is almost eleven years old and he is acting like an adult.

 

Today Hoss asked again when his pa is coming back. We told him that his pa will be back before the summer ends. At least we hope that Ben will be back but with so many things that can happen, we don’t know it for sure.

 

 May god bless Ben.

January 30th 1841

A vast bulk of snow melted away and Roy went with Adam back to work and school at Eagle Station. Hoss was crying because he wanted to be with Adam. Mac took Hoss with him and they were in the barn all day and took care of the animals. The day after tomorrow I will go with Hoss to Eagle Station for new clothes. This boy never stops growing and now his pants are too short and he can’t wear the old ones from Adam. Also his feet are now bigger but he can put on the old shoes from Adam. Hopefully we will get no snow anymore.

February 1st 1841

What a day, early this morning I went with Jon, Mac and Hoss to Eagle Station. We met with Roy and Adam. Both showed us how they live here. Last year Mr. Cass gave Roy and Adam in one of the storage rooms a corner where they put up a bunk bed. Not much to live but both were busy with school and work.

 

Eagle Station isn’t a town as I know it from back East. There are only a few houses, Mr. Cass’ mercantile, the blacksmith, two saloons, a special Establishment and a few shakes and tents. It’s not much but in spring there are so many people. Families on trails, who are on their way to California, gold diggers, cowboys and many other transients.

 

Today I saw a few women… They came out of one saloon and Lordy, I put my hand over Hoss’ eyes. He shouldn’t see this kind of women with too much paint on their faces and they even wear clothes… so… so short … I can’t write it. I hope someone will stop this slovenly life before Adam comes of age.

 

Roy took us in one of the tents. It was a kitchen facility. Hoss was so excited and he fidgeted on the bench. Adam calmed him and we ate a very delicious stew. After lunch all of us went to Mr. Cass’ mercantile. Hoss got two new pairs of pants and Adam a shirt. We took supplies with us because winter isn’t over, yet, and any minute could come a new snow storm.

 

Roy was so proud to show me what he is doing. He needs to work and maybe he can continue his doing for Mr. Cass and maybe we will live in Eagle Station. It’s a little bit of hope.

 

I need this kind of hope for my own welfare.

February 20th 1841

The last days we got for the second time lot’s of snow. A few days we couldn’t go anywhere only to the barn. Adam was reading again for hours and hours and if his nose wasn’t in the books he was drawing. I haven’t seen the pictures yet but I’m very curious.

 

Hoss passed today with Jon and Mac. In the corral and in the barn he’s learning a lot about cattle and horses. I’m so happy that we have these nice cowboys. Roy shoveled free the roof of the cabin because he needed to do a few repairs.

February 22th 1841

Today I saw Adam’s sketchbook and Lordy, he can draw very well. I realized that he sketched the cabin only much bigger than it is at the moment. Is he building a house? I also saw a floor plan. I think Adam is building his dream house in which he will someday live with his own family but I think it’s too big for one family.

 

This afternoon Mac showed Hoss a game. Checkers. He wasn’t as good with this as he is with marbles. He got a temper for losing the fourth time. It’s not often that Hoss got a temper in the time we’ve lived here. He is such a cutie with so wonderful eyes but for his age he is big in any way. I’m happy that Hoss is a real child and not so solemn like Adam.

 

Tomorrow Adam and Roy will come home and the boy needs to help Mac and Jon to muck out the horse stalls. Now, I will call it an early night because I have got a headache.

February 27th 1841

Four days ago Adam has had an accident. He felt from the hayloft and broke his leg. I feared for his leg because it really looked pretty bad and there is no doctor around. Roy made a bandage with wood in between to immobilize the leg then he went to Eagle Station and came back with the blacksmith.

 

I took Hoss outside. He shouldn’t see what happened with Adam. Lordy, Adam was shouting and crying but his leg needed to be set. Hoss was crying as much as his brother.

 

The last two days Adam rested in bed and I gave him some tea of the plant Devil’s claw. It helped against the pain. To have no doctor around is so bad and help is so less. Adam has had his own way to relieve his pain; he went back to reading and drawing and the world around him went away.

 

Tomorrow I need to do a few things like cleaning the house for the upcoming birthday. Adam will turn 11 in a few days and Roy bought something special. Even if we can’t do a big party we will celebrate a little bit.

 

May the Lord give us happiness.

March 3th 1841

Oh, the sweetness of youth, for me a long time ago and so many of my hopes are not fulfilled. This birthday party showed me again how fast time flies if you grow old.

No, Mary, shame on you.

I am not old, only older. If Roy would hear me he would be scolding me. Always, I’m the one who is sad and often I think that Roy feels guilty about it. He isn’t guilty. Our situation is something God gave us. It’s our fate. I have to come to terms and live with it.

How came this thought in my mind?

 

Oh yes, Adam’s birthday. The guest of honor celebrated in bed. Jon and Mac put the table beside his bed and we sat with him. I made cake with eleven candles on it and lemonade and Hoss helped Adam to blow them out. Hoss gave Adam a candy cane as a present but ate most of it by himself.

 

We gave Adam a leather-bound book with blank pages. It was my idea to give him this book so he can use it as a Journal. I love to write in my book. I am doing this since my 16th birthday and I have lot of books. Sometimes if the sad feelings overwhelm me I’m reading my old entrees.

 

I hope Adam will follow my advice to use it often. He has a lifetime to fill the pages with so much excitement. I know, I shouldn’t envy this boy for his young age but I do. God knows how I feel, and I hope he will forgive me. I also hope Roy will forgive me if something happens to me and he is reading this.

 

Adam is missing his pa. At times like this he wants to be with him. Not that he is telling us this. Adam is Adam, and he is special.

 

It’s now six month that Ben is away and in the next four month we are expecting him back. I hope he can sell the furs for a good price and develop the ranch. The boys will be happy when Ben is back. Even so, I can’t understand why Ben is staying in this wilderness without a proper education for his sons, but I know he loves his sons very much.

March 18th 1841

Dear Diary, it has been a while since I wrote for the last time, but an early spring brought lot’s of work for us to do. Jon, Mac and Roy worked each day very hard to keep the fences in good state. In between, Roy went off and on to Eagle Station to work with Mr. Cass.

 

Adam is sitting around and his bandages give him off and on trouble because it’s loosing up. Only the homework, which Roy brought home from school, and a few new books are the only things that keeps Adam away from going insane.

 

Hoss is helping with the few new born calves. One of the babies is a maverick and Hoss tries to feed it with a bottle. Of course, Jon is helping. Hoss likes it to be with animals he is acting like a mother-hen.

 

There is so much to do in the next few weeks; I think I will not write very often.

May 22th 1841

Work, work, work. Lordy, we have been busy with sowing crops and even Roy couldn’t go to Eagle Station for work. Adam got his bandages off and at times he is limping a little bit. School is out because Mr. Daugherty went away to explore and map Alta California and therefore Adam works with the cowboys. A few calves need to be branded and next week we will do it. I don’t know how Hoss will be reacting because he is such a sensitive child. The maverick is still living and it’s growing. Hoss and the cowboys have worked wonders.

 

Hoss has had a few nightmares and he fears that his pa is dead. I can feel with this boy because it’s such a long time since he saw his father last. I feel exhausted and driven by all the ranch work and the all day duties. Sometimes I wish Ben would come back really quickly. Not that the boys are making lots of work? No!

 

With the ranch work we do all day I realized that this kind of doing is nothing for Roy and I.

 

The work Roy has done for Mr. Cass was something he had liked. I could see it. He was more at ease with himself then he was the last years when we had our farm to worry about.

 

So I asked Roy if we could live and work in Eagle Station. I like, very much, to be a part of people and have other houses around me. Maybe that is the reason why I became so sad the last years. Roy and I came here from back East and tried to be farmers. We weren’t successful. Now we help Ben, and even if I like it very much to be with the children, I don’t like the solitariness of this area.

 

Roy gave me hope because of the work with Mr. Cass. The people got a liking in Roy and Mr. Cass and the blacksmith in Eagle Station wants him as a Sheriff. Roy said he could see himself as a man of the Law. Even if I can’t see Roy as a Sheriff with a gun and all the responsibility, I can see us living in Eagle Station. I would be very happy.

June 14th 1841

Today brought the stage, a letter from Ben. Roy was at the Station when it arrived. The letter was for us, but inside of it was also another letter for them boys. After dinner Roy and I read the letter and we were surprised. Ben is coming back with a new wife. Marie deMarigny. A woman with the name deMarigny? That was Jean’s last name. What is the meaning of this? A relative of Jean? Maybe his sister?

 

Ben thinks they will arrive in July or August. That means we have to decide if Roy will take the job offer as Sheriff of Eagle Station. Even if it isn’t a town the Station is growing with every year. A few times, in one of the saloons, was a need for a Sheriff. After that, there was a meeting involving Mr. Cass, the Blacksmith Mr. Robson and Mr. Hensley from one of the saloons and Roy.

 

Roy said to them that IF he will take the job there will be a need for a jail and a little lodging for him and me in the back of it.

 

Oh Lordy, I hope we will live at Eagle Station. I for sure will be much happier to live there. I don’t want the solitariness of a farmer’s wife anymore. Roy and I, we tried it very hard, but I think we are not cut out for this kind of work and life. Of course, I never spoke with Roy about it because I wanted him to be happy. But this offering from the Station’s people will give us the chance of the new live we were looking for.

 

Roy asked me if I’m sure that I want to live at Eagle Station. Yes, was my answer and I’m so happy that we will live in a kind of civilization again. I even will overlook the many Saloons and the painted girls as long as I get to live there. Tomorrow Roy will go to Mr. Cass and will tell him that he wants the job as a Sheriff and he will see if we can get the lodging before Ben comes home.

 

After we got the news, we gave Hoss and Adam the letter from their father.

 

Oh Lordy, Adam’s face lost all its color. The look he gave us showed … I don’t know for sure… but I think it showed desperation. Hoss couldn’t know what it means to have a new mother therefore he said nothing.

 

This evening we needed to cope with a moody Adam. The new situation will be hard on Adam, but I think Ben made the right decision to give the boys a mother.

 

Thank you Lord that you listened to my prayers.

July 5th 1841

It’s been a while since I wrote and so much has happened

We have a new home. It’s a little house in the direct neighborhood of Mr. Cass’ mercantile. The house is in the back of a little garden and in the front is the jail with an office. The house isn’t big. Only a kitchen with a sitting area and a bedroom. But we need nothing more.

 

To get the job as Sheriff Roy needed to vow that he will provide for the prisoners.

 

I promised Roy that I will take care of the jail, and that I will cook for the prisoner. It’s only a little price that I’ll have to pay for living in a little town. I know Eagle Station is not really a town, but I think one day it will become a big city.

I’m so happy that we will live in Eagle’s Station.

Next week Roy will start with his job and that means he can only come to visit us. I will miss him very much. Mac and Jon will do the work around the ranch, and it will only be a short time before Ben will be back.

 

Adam’s moods are always present and only if he is with Hoss, he pulls himself together. Ben and his new wife will have their hands full with Adam. I hope they will have the strength to go through this together.

July 21th 1841

Today was the first time in days that I saw Roy. I went with them boys to Eagle Station to clean the new house and bring Roy some things from our old house. I cooked a meal in the new kitchen and we all ate together. I talked with Roy and he thinks that we will be apart only a few weeks more. I never mind because I know I will live here for the rest of my life.

 

I talked with Mr. Cass and he said that Eagle Station is proud of Roy. He is handling every situation with attention but also with as much authority as needed. My Roy – I love him very much!

July 30th 1841

This morning the stage brought again a letter from Ben. He wrote that he and his wife are now in San Francisco and that they won’t come home with stage. Ben is buying a few things and he needs to bring them in a wagon. He thinks that they will arrive at the Ponderosa around 10th of August. Hoss is so excited but Adam looks mighty grumpy. Even Jon and Mac can see the changes in Adam’s attitude and they’re trying to cheer him up when they are around. Nothing is helping, and I think we should leave him alone.

 

Hoss is a happy little boy. I heard he told one of Mr. Cass’ children that his pa will be back and that he will get a mama too. He saw a few times Mrs. Cass playing with the children, and I saw that he also wanted a mama. Now his wish will come true, I hope.

 

To take a woman from New Orleans to Alta California is quite a risk. What if she can’t settle in? Maybe she has lived in a big house back in New Orleans and if she will see her new home it will be a shock to her.

 

I know what I talk about. Roy and I have had a few problems of our own as we settled here and I have still problems. Only now I see hope for us to live a good life since Roy is the Sheriff here.

August 8th 1841

The cabin is clean, the shelves are full and the welcome banner is hanging above the door. Hoss and I made a good job of it. Now we can only wait till Ben is coming.

 

Roy is coming tomorrow to get the rest of our stuff so we can leave them alone when Ben and his new wife are back at home.

 

Hoss can’t stand the wait; he even is losing his appetite and that says more than every word can do.

 

I told Hoss that it can be days till his pa is coming because no one can say the exact date of their arrival.

 

On the other hand, Adam goes every day with Jon and Mac to the herd or they’re doing some fencing work together. I am sure with this he tries to avoid the arrival of his new mother. Lordy, I see trouble is coming for this family.

 

May God give that Ben is coming on time because an agitated Hoss is something that gets on my nerves. Sorry diary, I shouldn’t have written this but it’s the truth.

August 11th 1841

Dear diary, I’m so happy. The first night in our own home Roy and I celebrated with a fine meal and a glass of wine. In the morning I made a fine nice breakfast for Roy before he went to his work. I think to live in Eagles Station is much noisier than to be in the open range, but I love it. With the Station growing maybe I could arrange a woman’s tea afternoon with the few ladies who live here. Maybe Marie Cartwright will also come if she has settled in.

 

Now I know that Marie isn’t a sister to Jean deMarigny. No, she is his widow. Is it proper to marry if you should mourn your husband? I don’t know.

 

What I know is that there was lots of whooping and shouting, crying and laughing as the wagon came around the barn. I sat with Hoss outside as every afternoon to wait for Ben and even Adam was with us, and I could see he was anxious for the arrival of his father.

 

Hoss flew into Ben’s arms and also Adam. They laughed and kissed and were speaking all at the same time. Ben introduced Marie to Adam and the boy was very polite to his new mother but nothing more. I could see that during the introduction his body got really stiff.

 

Hoss on the other hand was the opposite. He practically flew all over in her arms and gave her a big kiss. Lordy, with such a happy boy, the new Mrs. Cartwright got tears in her eyes.

 

I gave Marie my regards and she smiled so warmly and thanked me for all the work I had done with the children. She seems to be a nice woman and how young and beautiful she looked. Most impressive was her dress. Such a one I saw only back in England at Eaton Place were all the rich families lives and in Boston.

 

How will she survive here in the wilderness?

 

With Ben came a second wagon with a Chinese man and two cowboys. All I understood were that they brought Marie’s things with them and a few cows they bought on their way. The cows were looking mighty good. Ben wants to improve his herd, that’s for sure.

 

The coming days will be very exciting for me. A new life begins for me here in Eagle Station, maybe a new friendship with Marie can be build and I even will be a part of Roy’s work.

 

 May god give me the strength to do it good.

August 29th 1841

This is the best thing we could have done! Moving to Eagle Station brought happiness to me. Yes, Diary, I’m happy. We have a nice home, I have, in the kitchen, a water-pump, curtains with flowers for all windows and I even have a vegetable garden.

 

Not only am I happy with our new home I’m also happy that I have so many people around me. Roy is a much respected person in town and all the townsfolk are greeting and all the time they stay for a talk. This is what I missed the most as we lived in the solitariness on the farm.

 

In the last days many wagon came through Eagle Station, most of them went further to California but a few stayed here, mostly families. The best thing we also have is a church in a tent with a real minister. His church sent him in the wilderness to spread the words of God. Every Wednesday and Sunday is a service.

 

With one family, we got more in contact. They wanted to drive to California but the woman got sick. So they stayed in Eagle Station. In the meantime I helped with the daughter of the family. Anna is two years old, and I took her over the day in our house so that Mrs. Devlin could rest.

 

Out of interest, her husband asked Roy which parts of land are free to build a ranch. With no government around the question of who is responsible for these parts is, at the moment, in the open.

 

 We all are Pioneers.

August 30th 1841

Today Marie Cartwright came with her family to buy a few things because of Hoss’ coming birthday. Ben took them boys to Roy’s office and Marie and I went shopping. A few presents were brought and all the things a chocolate cake needs.

 

I was smiling as I saw that Marie wanted to buy a few plain dresses. She smiled at me and said that it would look funny if she would milk the cow in a dress all of silk and lace. Then she said IF she can milk a cow. We were laughing so hard that Mr. Cass’ sent a very confused look our way. I think the fancy dresses will stay in the closet for a long time. After we went shopping I showed her our house and we drank a cup of coffee.

 

Marie told of her new family life and that Hoss adored her. He loves to have a mama. The relationship between her and Adam isn’t good but that’s nothing new to me. I could see it from the first moment the letter arrived. She will need as much patience as she can get with him.

 

Before Marie went away to fetch her family she invited me and Roy for the birthday party.

 

All in all I think Marie Cartwright will do well. Never thought that.

September 1st 1841

I feel tired out. What a birthday party for this little fella. He was so happy with the presents and mostly with the chocolate cake. Marie and this Chinaman who has helped her made a great job with all the food. Jon and Mac decorated the house. Roy and I took the Devlin girl with us because her father, Mitchell Devlin, was searching for a good piece of land and therefore Leandra Devlin could sleep to get well. They want to stay here in Alta California. I told Marie of this family and she will go and offer her help.

 

At the party Marie played all the time with the children and I could see how much she loved it. Hoss was happy with his wooden toy blocks, hobby horse and picture books.

 

A special moment came up as Marie took her guitar and played a French birthday song. A few further songs and we all were singing, especially Ben, who enjoyed it very much. He showed a broad grin and looked very happy.

 

Most of the party Adam ignored Marie and if he needed to ask her something he was very polite. To polite in my opinion. This behavior changed as Marie got her guitar out. His interest was awakened and he gaped at her fingers but he said nothing. Maybe the guitar will get to his heart. I need to tell Marie.

 

Roy and I talked after we came home about Adam but Roy isn’t so much of a talker. He thinks we shouldn’t meddle in a family matter. In my opinion we should try to help if they want it.

 

There are things a woman can only talk over with a woman and I think Marie and I will become very good friends. There are so few families here in Alta California we need to stand together.

 

God bless all of us.

September 20th 1841

This afternoon there was a big meeting in Eagle Station. It was about the land a few ranchers and farmers own in this area. I don’t know about this matter and I think it’s about this teacher Mr. Daugherty who is also a confident to a Representative of Mexico who has also a saying about Alta California. This man is back but not as a teacher and I don’t know what he wants but it seems the news isn’t good.

 

Meanwhile, when the men talked, we women came also together. It was Marie Cartwright, Leandra Devlin, Roberta Robson, Bettie Cass and me. The children were playing in the yard and Adam was so nice to take Anna Devlin outside with them. We women folk have had a nice afternoon with tea and cake.

 

The men have talked not much when they came out of Roy’s office and over to the house. They were tense and Mr. Daugherty looked pale.

 

That evening Roy told me that some Governor from Mexico wants money for the property the ranchers and farmers have occupied. No money, no deed of ownership.

 

In the next days they have to agree, and the conditions will be discussed or they can’t use the land anymore.

 

If they lose their property we all will lose our homes. Without the ranchers and farmers there will be no customers for the Blacksmith, Saloons, General Store or even no need for a Sheriff.

 

The coming time will be very hard for all and my prayers are with them and all of us.

 

 Now that I am finally happy, here I want to stay.

September 30th 1841

Several meetings and a few answers. The men came up with a solution of their own. They want to buy the land from Mexico but the payment needed to be discussed. An offer is out to the Mexican government and Mr. Daugherty is the negotiator.

 

Marie, Leandra and I came two times together. Even with all the trouble we laughed a lot special because of Leandra Devlin. Her “sickness” will arrive here around January. She is with child.

 

Our community got closer together. We are helping each other. Mitchell Devlin is helping Ben with haying and he get’s food to get him through the winter. Ben made a few offers that all available men will this winter go hunting. All furs will be sold in San Francisco and a trader of Ben’s trust will do it. From this money the families will buy cows in the spring.

 

I think we are on a good way.

November 3th 1841

All is winterized here in Eagle Station and in the surroundings. We celebrated Thanksgiving in the tent of the church. Every family brought something to eat. It was so nice.

 

This afternoon Marie will come to us and she will stay for a few days. The Ponderosa is one big building lot. They expanded the cabin and it will have a second floor with rooms for all. Ben wanted Marie and Hoss out of the way because the staircase will be built. Adam will stay at home because most of the changes are from him. That was the drawing Adam made a few month ago. How can a child be so grown up?

 

Maybe with changes the cabin won’t look so unproportional. Maybe it will look like a house.

 

I sent Roy out of our bedroom so Marie can sleep with me in our bed. Roy will sleep the next two nights in his jail. I’m still laughing when I am reminded of his face when he got the news. I think he found it not as funny as I did. Little Hoss will sleep in a hay bed on the floor. It’s not the first time and we will tell him a story about a cowboy who needs to sleep in the wilderness. I bet after that Hoss wants to sleep on the ground.

 

I’m excited that Marie will stay here for two nights. We can talk about so many things and maybe she will tell me about New Orleans and all the parties the people celebrate and their fine dresses.

November 5th 1841

Lordy, two days of fun. Marie and I talked and talked and talked.

 

This afternoon Ben came to pick Marie and Hoss up. They have done the building work and now all needs to be furnished. Hoss was so excited to get home and to see his own room. I think one room for both boys would have been enough but they both get a room for themselves. Maybe I’m too old to think otherwise but so much space for one family to live in?

 

Oh, I am extravagating again. Yes, right. Marie and I.

 

We went to Leandra and she was so excited that we came. The Devlin’s built a little cabin with the help of neighbors. This helping each other is something I have seen on our trail from Boston to here. This life welds people together.

 

Oh, Leandra, yes, she feels good and her belly is growing so much. Marie and she talked about how it is to be with a child. I didn’t want to talk about it, so I went with Anna and Hoss outside.

 

We played hide and seek and we had so much fun. Almost every time Hoss was hiding, he gave himself away because he was giggling when I came near his hiding place. He is such a sunny and kind boy.

 

Marie brought a cake which this Chinese man has baked. It was delicious. We talked the whole afternoon and we’ve laughed a lot. I think we three have developed a nice friendship and special, Marie and I got very close.

 

At our last night we talked about the problems Marie has with Adam. She said that he’s never is really mean but that he has a way to hurt her with words. Marie doesn’t know what she can do.

 

I gave her the advice that she needs to get rid of the meaning that she will be one day the mother of Adam. This boy is eleven years old and more an adult than a child his age should be. Also he has seen more things than most of the people I know. I told Marie that she needs to build another kind of relationship with him than a mother/son one. Also I’ve told her about my observation at Hoss’ birthday party, when she did play the guitar and Adam’s behavior had changed. He lost his tenseness. Maybe that will be her chance. Marie agreed and she will see what she can make out of it. We couldn’t talk further because Hoss woke up. It was so nice to see how good Marie and Hoss went along. Marie put Hoss on her lap and she sang a few French songs till he slept again. Marie has a nice voice and she is so educated and I think this will be the way through Adam’s stubbornness.

In December we are invited to the Ponderosa.

May god bless us.

 

 

 

November 9th 1841

Oh Lordy, God in Heaven. Roy was shot by a robber. There was one in Mr. Cass’ merchandise. Roy needed to shoot him and the robber died. Roy got a graze on his arm. I never thought that Roy will get in such a dangerous situation. I always blanked out that something like this could happen.

 

Am I selfish? I wanted so desperately to live in Eagle Station that I didn’t want to see what this job involves sometimes. Roy plays down his injury but he is suffering, knowing he shot a man and he died.

 

With this situation I lost my own innocence. I’ve ignored that Roy’s job is not as harmless as I wanted it to be. From now on I will fear for Roy’s life every time he goes to his work.

 

I feel so torn between my happiness and Roy’s responsibility.

 

May god keep Roy safe.

November 11th 1841

Roy is up again and has done his first round in Eagle Station. I’ve begged him to be careful. Roy said I need to relax but this is for sure not as easy as he is saying it.

 

The townsfolk were praising him. Now they feel safe, they said. In the same time I lost something.

 

I will show Roy my confidence even if I would need to put on an act. There is nothing as deadly as a Sheriff whose mind is at home and not at work. I need to be tough, and for sure I will be.

December 4th 1841

Today was a big meeting in Roy’s office. Mr. Daugherty was back from the Mexican Territory and he has had the answer from the government about the land the people here want to buy.

 

Roy’s office was stuffed with all the possible buyers and their families. The importance of this moment was palpable and even the children were quite. For the last time, Mr. Daugherty read what the government had to offer and after a little pause he confirmed that a contract will be concluded. The conditions of the contract are accepted.

 

Ben is a prudent man of business, so Roy said, and he has written out the terms of purchase and all neighbors have agreed to them. Now the Mexican government has also agreed. Roy told me that the people will pay 10% of their profit in the next three years. It will be the profits only from the farm and the ranch work. Roy said that this is the trick Ben used to get the property to terms so all of them can handle the payments. The fur business isn’t included because they were told nothing of it. Roy said it is a good contract because in the next three years the farmers and rancher will only have to pay little money but they could earn much more money for hunting and selling the furs. They will have to work hard to be farmers, ranchers and hunters for furs at the same time, but they will earn more money this way than they have had all their lives before.

 

Yes, Ben is a sly old fox. Not that he is really old. He is even younger than Roy. But he is a real businessman. Next year they need to make the first payment to the Mexican government.

 

Now that this problem is out of the way we all will celebrate. Ben invited all the neighbors and friends to come to the Ponderosa.

 

Also it’s now almost a month that Roy was shot. I feel more at ease than before but often I think about this. I will learn to treasure every moment with Roy. Yes, that is what I want.

 

This afternoon I will go to Leandra. She is only one month away from giving birth and she looks like a whale. Hopefully she will not read this, but I do really think she looks so …

 

Good night my dear Diary (and still laughing).

December 21th 1841

Today we have had our big feast. It was something like a Christmas Party with the new Landowner.

 

The Chinese man, Hop Sing, made all the food and, Lordy, I never tasted food that was this good. He is now on Ben’s payroll. Marie is happy with him and there is no trouble between them because they share the work of the household. I envy her that she has someone for the housekeeping but on the other hand this house is so huge that Marie can’t do it all by her own – with a husband and two children around.

 

Oh yes, the children.

 

My little Hoss with his chubby cheeks is happy. At the party he went between playing with the other kids and sneaking off to the kitchen. I think this housekeeper has one new friend -Hoss Cartwright. Anna looked so good in her new dress. Only two-years-old and she already looks so nice. One day she will be the attraction of every dance and the young men will around her like flies around marmalade.

 

Adam took charge of all the kids. They played in the room which is normally a storage room. Ben made space so the children could play marbles.

 

Later, Marie and I could talk about the situation with Adam. She told me that she is playing every evening a few songs before Hoss goes to bed. She agreed with me that Adam is very interested in the guitar. Marie wants to wait and see if he is going to ask about learning to play the guitar. The bait is let out. I feel I’m in conspiracy with Marie.

The Devlin’s were also at the party. Leandra was one miserable woman. She rolled to her chair and sat down and didn’t get up one time. She only could eat a few bites and then she was stuffed. With this huge belly there is for sure no room for food. Dancing wasn’t an option either because of her belly and her feet. Her ankles are swollen. Friends suspected that maybe Mitchell and Leandra will have twins.

 

Between the dances Roy socialized with new and old friends and neighbors. Since he has shot the robber he is seen with much more respect than before.

Later all people took their sleds and horses and rode home. We stayed a bit longer. I helped Marie a little bit with the cleanup. Roy and Ben talked one more time. Meanwhile we did the dishes. Marie and I talked about Leandra. There is no doctor or a midwife here in this area and the blacksmith is only doing broken bones. We agreed that we will help with the birth.

 

Now the waiting time begins.

December 25th 1841

Christmas was a silent feast. Like last year with them boys Roy and I put up a little Christmas tree. I made paper angels and straw stars. From now on we will have a tree every Christmas. It looks so nice. I got Roy a stylograph for his office. From him I got a wonderful flower shawl with my favorite colors green, blue and white.

 

Christmas without children is a lot different. With Hoss and Adam it was much noisier but also happier. But tomorrow we will see them boys, Ben and Marie. They invited us over for Christmas dinner.

 December 26th 1841

I’m so stuffed. For two days now there was one complimentary dinner after another. First I’ve cooked for us a traditional English Christmas dinner and today there was this wonderful dinner at the Cartwright’s. On our way home we went by the Devlin’s to see how Leandra is doing. There we got cake.

 

At the moment I feel like I must burst. At my age it’s not so good to eat so much, especially in the evening.

 

I can’t sleep and therefore I write at this time.

First at Ben’s and Marie’s we sang a few Christmas songs and Marie played the guitar. It was like the first time when Adam followed Marie’s fingers with eagle eyes. I think it will only be a short time and then he will ask Marie for to give him lessons on the guitar.

 

After that Adam got a book from us, and Hoss, a whipping top. Even if I can’t play marbles I can play whipping top and I’m good with it. Roy thought it was funny as I played it and afterward he took me in his arms and called me child. As a child I played it a lot.

 

The afternoon was a more silent one. We talked about our childhood memories and Ben told of the journey West with a little Adam. The time flew by and before we went away Hop Sing gave us a big basket with food for the Devlin’s.

 

So we drove in our sled to Mitchell and Leandra. They were happy to see us. Leandra can’t go anywhere and they are awaiting the signs for the birth. Mitchell was happy about the food. He has, in the last days, done the cooking. I think all of them weren’t really happy with it. We sang a few Christmas songs and ate from Mitchell’s cake. In no way it was as good as Hop Sing’s. In this moment we knew what Leandra meant when she was complaining about Mitchell’s food. An hour later we went home because it began to snow.

January 4th 1842

Yesterday was the day we waited for so long. Leandra gave birth. In the morning Mitchell came with Anna to us. We brought the girl to the Cass’, Roy rode to the Ponderosa to inform Marie and I took the buggy. Leandra was in labor and her pain was on a high level as I came to her. All the hours Marie and I waited and helped Leandra. We feared that she will really be with twins. It’s dangerous and often the women died in childbirth. As I saw Leandra in her pain I was thankful that I’ve never experienced this kind of pain. On the other hand a child would have been nice but I will not go this path.

 

Leandra yes, she made good! Eight hours labor pains and a very big but healthy boy was born; Mitchell Devlin Jr.

 

May god bless this little boy and his mother.

January 12th 1842

Dear Diary, I’m mad! I’m so mad that words choked in my throat. There were rumors here in Eagle Station, bad ones. They are about Marie. One of the “Ladies of the night” who works in one of the saloons told them. She once “worked” in New Orleans and she said that Marie has worked in one of this establishments. Ben, Marie and even Adam got word of it. Adam is no dumb boy he knows what this rumor means. This is a not a good set up for the attempt of Marie to get a better relationship with her stepson.

 

Marie came to me and she was so upset. She denied that she was a “Lady of the night”. She told me that she has worked in her cousin’s establishment. As a married woman who was abandoned by her husband and no rights of her own, she has had no choice. She needed to work for living.

 

I believe Marie that she never has done something wrong but as an abandoned wife and a Creole, her life must have been hard. But no one has the right to judge her. Now I know why Marie is so strong, so thickheaded.

 

The rumors went around town and a few other women, snotty women with their own morals spread words. Two of these “Ladies” even went on the other side of the sidewalk as Ben and Marie went by. It’s not fair what they do. Thanks God most of the people ignore the rumors. Marie has friends here and we will stick with her.

May god give her as much strength as she needs.

January 23th 1842

It’s been days since Ben and Marie were in town. I talked with Roy to see if we could do something for Marie. Maybe Roy could tell the moralist that they do wrong. Roy laughed at me and I got mad. I scolded him for the rest of the day but in the end he was right. No one can tell another person how to think.

 It’s only Marie and her family who can change the situation.

 

The evenings in Eagle Station are more quiet these days. The weather isn’t so good. We went from snow to rain and I hope we will not have freezing temperatures. If the weather is good enough I will drive to Marie’s. On Sunday, Roy and I will drive to Leandra and Mitchell’s.

 January 25th 1842

This morning I drove to Leandra. It has rained a little bit but it was nothing to worry about. I took an order with me that the Devlin’s made at Mr. Cass mercantile. No need to bring Mitchell to the Station only for this. I was only half an hour there as Mitchell told me that the weather will change. It got colder from one moment to the next. I hurried home and made it in time. My visit wasn’t as long as I wished for but I saw Mitchell Jr. He slept and looked like an angel.

 

After dinner I heard a rumbling and a thunderstorm with snow came up.

 

I secured all around the house and Roy made his last round in town. Now I sit here and write and outside it so bad that I don’t think we will get much sleep tonight.

January 27th 1842

It snows and snows for two days. Roy tried to do his rounds but he came not too far. Roy saw only Mr. Cass and he said that no one came in his shop yesterday.

 

Not much to do for me at the moment. My idea is that I will do a quilt for baby Mitchell.

 

There are so many surpluses in the old box in the backroom I could use for the quilt.

February 4th 1842

Snow, snow, snow. Never saw so much snow. Since ten days no freight wagon or stage came in. Goods get tight. I hope for thawing. The quilt for baby Mitchell looks good so far.

February 10th 1842

I’m bored to death. Nothing to do. The house is clean, no it’s more than clean because I’ve groomed the house over and over. Even Roy and I haven’t got much to say to each other anymore. Not after we had spent so much time together in such a small place like our rooms are. For three days the men in town have tried to shovel the sidewalks free. But it is very windy and therefore the shoveling is very hard to do. The free parts are snowed in again and snowdrifts are all around the houses.

 

I’m curious how Leandra and Marie are doing it. In the open range the wind is worse than here and so are the snowdrifts. I pray that they will all be safe and sound.

 

The quilt is almost finished and next time I see Leandra I will give it to her.

I’m praying for thawing.

 

 

 

February 19th 1842

This winter is so hard but I can see a little light at the horizon. Since two days we have much anticipated thawing. The men in town have now got the sidewalks free of snow. I’ve met Mrs. Cass, Roberta, and a few other Ladies. Mrs. Cass told us that the shelves are empty. The town people now need to ration their food. Two more days of waiting and then the men will try to go through the drifts to meet with one of the freight wagons.

February 25th 1842

The men got through the snow, and by sleigh, could bring many groceries back to the Station. It looks like only this area got so much snow. The other parts have had less.

Only the outer parts with the farms and ranches are still isolated.

 

Here in the Station life is going as ever and the people are happy. I’m thinking of my friends. How have they coped with this situation?

 

Hopefully Marie will not have a bunch of men who have cabin fever. Also, Leandra with two little children. This situation isn’t easy. I also miss my friends.

March 4th 1842

It was a long winter with lots of snow and without much distraction. Finally, the huge amount of snow is now gone. The freight wagons and the stage arrived yesterday. The first ranchers came for groceries and I’ve expected also Marie and Leandra to come by.

 

I wasn’t disappointed. This morning Leandra and her family came in. We talked a little while but she has had nothing real new to tell. Anna and baby Mitch are in good health and Mitchell Sr. has had a cold. Now he is better. So, in short they’ve done well. Leandra loved the quilt I gave to her. She especially likes the colors of blue and mint green they are looking so fresh like a morning in springtime.

 

At midday Ben and Marie, the children, Hop Sing and Jon with Mac arrived at the Station. They came with two wagons. Many groceries needed to be loaded and Adam could choose a present, his birthday present. It was impossible for Ben to get a present on time so Adam could choose what he really wanted now that they can shop again. He took books. Why am I not surprised?

 

Also Ben wanted a talk with Roy.

 

So, Marie came to me. She told me that they celebrated Adam’s 12th birthday yesterday but with the shortness of food they have had only a few cookies. Hop Sing will later bake a special birthday cake with 12 candles on it. They will celebrate a second time now with cake and presents.

 

We also talked about cabin fever, bored children and restless husbands. She was talking and talking but she was averting the really important question; how she is feeling. I asked her about it and Marie got very quite.

 

After a while I asked her directly. As I thought she would, she reacted with tears. Yes, she was hurting about the mean comments of the few citizens. Ben tried to calm her down then but she was too upset and she still is. In the end she told me that she will avoid these women in the future.

 

In one moment Marie melted in tears and in the next one a smile came up.

 

The next words of Marie took me by surprise. Marie told that one good thing came out of this all; Adam has changed his behavior towards Marie. She said that he has realized his wrong doing because he did the same as the women in Eagle Station; he had prejudged her. This boy has a great sense about justice and he was able to change his mind. Maybe Adam is more grown up than other, older people.

 

Now he is accepting the new woman in the house.

 

Not that he will call Marie mother, no, he will go with her given name but that is enough for Marie. With this Marie smiled.

 

And another surprise got me all over excited. Marie told me that she is with child. I’m so happy for her. Ben is the only one at the moment who knows it and they don’t want to tell others, yet. I’ve promised her not to tell it anyone further. Not even Roy!

 

Ben thinks that after two sons a girl would be nice. This afternoon in my kitchen Marie and I were thinking of names but she said that if the baby will become a girl she will be named after her mother, Janea. If it will be a boy he will be either named after Ben’s father Joseph or Marie’s father Francis.

 

Oh Lordy, hopefully the baby will be a girl because a boy with the name Francis is … I don’t want to write it but Francis out in the west is so… not a good name.

 

The baby will arrive in October.

 

 

 

May 10th 1842

I’m so weak; I can’t hold my pencil very good. I have had pneumonia. The long winter and a rainy early spring made me vulnerable to a cold. This cold was afflicting me for a timebut nothing more. Then one early morning I got fever. After that I don’t know what happened. Roy told me that Mrs. Heffer helped him to tend to me. I only know that I dreamed a lot. About England, Boston, our way in the west and families. I need to stop now. I’m so tired.

June 2th 1842

I’m better now. I’m almost as strong as I was before. But I will never have to cope with this kind of illness again. Each breath was so painful. Roy is such a caring man. His job as a Sheriff and on the other hand he is doing the housekeeping and the cooking. Don’t mention the cooking! If we ever thought that Mitchell Devlin’s cooking was bad then no one has tasted Roy’s. It’s more than bad.

 

Thanks heaven Mrs. Heffer had helped out.

 

There is still not so much I can do at the moment because housekeeping is a tiresome work.

June 14th 1842

A few days ago a wagon train arrived in the Station. All the people are from back East. Most of them want to go to California. The others will settle down here. A few can’t even talk proper English. They are from Russia, Germany and Italy. Even if we can’t understand each other very well we talked with hands and feet.

 

All of us met in the church tent. The sermon was wonderful and the minister pronounced a social picnic on the 21st of this month. Many people volunteered to bring food and other things. I didn’t volunteer because there are still days when I feel weaker than at others. Lord knows how difficult it was for me to restrain myself to not volunteer.

 

After church the minister told us which families will stay in Alta, California. All in all there were 12 new families. No, that’s not right. There were 10 families and two single persons.

 

Oh Lord in heaven you sent us a person we need so much. It’s a doctor. Now Eagle Station will have a doctor. The only one in hundreds of miles. I hope he will stay because he is so much needed.

 

The other person is Mr. Deandre and he is a teacher. The decision to build a schoolhouse was made very fast. The minister suggested that on Sunday’s the school will become the church. All members agreed and also the new teacher.

 

Our community is growing fast and that is so good.

 

 

 

June 21th 1842

The picnic was so much fun. We were at the lake and everybody brought something to eat and drink. The women chatted and the children played at the water’s shore.

 

Only one year ago there had been only a few children in this area and now with the new families there are so many of each age. Adam played with two boys who were a little older than himself. Yes, diary, he played games. No books, no drawing, no discussion about life. He played and he has enjoyed it. Hoss on the other hand wasn’t playing so much. He went with other children of his age from family to family and at each he got something different to eat.

 

I sat with Marie and she picked at her food. In the beginning of her pregnancy she felt ill nearly all the time, but now she is better and so she is again gaining a little weight. With every day her appetite is improving a lot. Ben is also doing his best to get Marie to eat more. Even with the lost of weight in the first three months, she looks good.

 

The picnic began with a speech by the minister and Roy. After that the families talked and ate and have had fun.

 

I’ve left a little bit earlier because I didn’t feel so good. I think it will take some time for me to get back my strength.

July 27th 1842

I suffered a relapse of my sickness. At the moment it’s better, but I fear that it never will get really good. I will not tell Roy about my thoughts because he is already worried about me.

 

More than the health trouble, we have also had trouble with Indians.

 

A few miles from Eagle Station away was an Indian riot of young brave. A settler got murdered. One of the new ranch homes was burned down. Roy telegraphed for the Army and they came. Now all it’s good at least for us.

 

Ben tried to mediate between the renegades and the Army. He even tried to involve Winnemucca but with no results. The renegades wouldn’t give up and so the Army took them down.

 

It was a terrible time.

 

Yesterday Marie came by. She is now showing evidence that she is with child. Marie and I talked about lot of things. She told me that her relationship with Adam is again a little bit better. Marie is teaching him to play the guitar and she gives him lessons in French speaking. She looks so happy. At the beginning I never thought that Marie could settle in this kind of life but with the help of Ben she succeeded.

 

She told me that even with all the trouble here she never wanted to go back to New Orleans. She made peace with her old life and she is now a loving wife and a mother of the children and only that counts.

 

I envy Marie because she’s so full of life.

 

After the Indians riot was over Adam could go to school. Either Jon, Mac, one of the other cowboys or Ben escorting him. The people in this area are now busy with haying and all the other necessary things.

 

Marie and I agreed that we will visit next week with Leandra.

August 2th 1842

We not only visited Leandra we were doing much more. We went to collect blueberries and we made jelly and we baked cake. Hoss was happy and Adam laughed so much over his brother. Hoss’ tongue was all blue. Adam’s wasn’t any better. Anna disliked blueberries but ate apples so, no blue tongue.

 

I played with the children, and it was as if they were my family. Before I went home we took jelly and cake with us. At the crossroad I winked at Marie and her boys, and I drove home.

 

Roy loved the blueberry cake. But the good food could not prevent Roy from being a little bit tense. I asked him why he was so fussed up but he gave no real answer. For the rest of that evening I knew I needed to leave him alone.

August 3th 1842

Now I know why Roy was so tense last night. He told me this morning that a Marshall has asked him for his help. A villain was hiding out in a little shack by the lake. The Marshall wanted to be sure that this robber and murderer gets arrested.

 

Roy was away all day, and I was very nervous. I even stayed the whole day at home.

 

Shortly after sundown, Roy came back. He was okay. Nothing had happened to him. After dinner, Roy went to bed. He was so tired but also happy that in the arresting no one got hurt, not even the villain.

 

I sit here now at the kitchen table and I’m too agitated to sleep.

Will I ever get used to the dangerous job Roy is doing?

 

 

 

August 24th 1842

As exciting the last entry was, now life is boring. Nothing has happened since my last entry at least nothing important. It’s hot, too hot for riding around and shopping. Only the kids come to school in the morning and in the evening, people come in town. People? No, men. The Saloons are full of them. Their families are at home. Do I sound bored? YES.

 

In the next days, I will drive to the Ponderosa.

 

August 27th 1842

Today I have had one of my happiest days for a long, long time. I visited Marie. She was happy to see me because she isn’t driving too often in town anymore. She is only two month away from giving birth. Her belly grew a good deal but of course, she isn’t looking like Leandra at this time of pregnancy.

 

The afternoon went by very pleasant. I played with little Hoss, of course marbles. And for sure I lost many times. After that, Marie and I sat on the porch and we had a nice cup of tea. We saw Adam and his father tending to the horses and Hoss went with Jon to the barn. He wanted also to help because he is now a big boy. With this comment I’ve laughed and asked Marie what he meant with this. She explained to me that Adam told Hoss that he now needs to be a big boy because of the coming baby. Hoss is so excited that he now will also be a big brother. This little fella is so sweet.

 

Then Marie surprised me. She asked me if Roy and I want to be the godparents of her baby. Yes diary, we will be the godparents of this baby. I cried. Long minutes later I could talk again. I was so overwhelmed and so happy. Of cause I said yes and Roy will also say yes. I know that he sees the Cartwright’s in a way as his family.

 

I sat on the porch, and I felt very good. With this baby we will have a family. Roy and I will have a family!

 

This is something special. With Ben and his boys we went from friendship to surrogate parents and now with Marie to godparents. I feel blessed.

 

May god bless both families and special this baby.

Please God, one last wish; give the parents the understanding that Francis isn’t a good name for a boy.

 

End of my seventh book