Summary: The Broken Ballad episode ends with many unanswered questions. This story in Adam’s words, explains what happened  to all of those who’d known Ed in his short time home. It gives a realistic view of the domino effect of ugly decisions that push gossip and judgment into a town’s reaction against one of its original citizens.

There’s a twist in this story connecting Broken Ballad to Blood on the Land that will provide some great background to Billy Buckley.

Rating: K  Count: 16510

 

Story Note: There are two Bonanza episodes, Blood on the Land and Broken Ballad, featuring the same actor (Ray Daley) playing a character named Billy. The roles are so similar (a naïve young man who allows an older man’s influence to direct his ways) that I’m going to make the Billy from Blood On the Land the same Billy in Broken Ballad. He would have stayed on in Virginia City following the death of Jeb Drummond, although not accepting the Cartwright offer of land. Having this wonderful backstory helps explain how Billy Buckley could be recruited by Will Cass and what ultimately drove him to shoot Ed Payson. This story is written from Adam’s perspective in the aftermath of Ed’s death. It also notes the avalanche of consequences for Buckley and the Cass family. And finally, it examines how the broken bonds between Adam and Ben were reestablished … with a little help from Hoss and Joe.

Broken 

A Difficult Goodbye

My trip home from town is going slow. Sport senses my distraction and frequently tugs at the reins to remind me that we’re moving at a snail’s pace. His impatience prompts me to pay attention until I lapse back into memories that have my mind and heart spinning like opposing tornadoes of gratitude and regret, joy and sorrow ….

I said goodbye to Ed Payson earlier, leaving his guitar and pistol on the cross marking his grave. Those items symbolized the hard and soft sides of this man. The hard in that he’d made his living as a hired gun after causing the death of his friend in a senseless drunken standoff. And the soft in the way he’d used music to speak his fears and find solace.

The brief service was attended only by my family and Sally Cass, with Reverend James pronouncing the blessings of commitment before rushing away to oversee another funeral. We allowed the caretakers to fill the grave before we set the cross and I offered a eulogy. Although Elegy might describe it better.

I possess a gift that allows me to remember most of what I hear, see, and read. This doesn’t mean I miraculously attain knowledge without effort. I learn through study and practice just like everyone else. And I listen carefully when others speak, allowing everything to stay in place like books on a shelf to reference when needed.

Songs stay put differently. They emboss a melodic imprint I might compare to a music roll for a player piano. I drew from this talent today to recreate the ballad I heard Ed singing his first night home. It was a raw and truthful poem set to a mournful tune describing the deadly eventuality for a man who lived by his gun.

The only reason I heard it was that I’d ridden back to his place after dinner to ensure there was no trouble. It was a relief to hear him singing rather than the raised voices of vigilantes “encouraging” him to leave as I’d worried might be the case after what I’d witnessed at Cass’ store earlier that day.

There’d been an immediate, suffocating change in the atmosphere when Will had recognized the customer with Sally. His deep, agonized frown, and wounded tone in addressing this man had taken me aback me since he had just been joking about Hoss’ love of canned peaches.

Sally had seemed equally confounded over her father’s reaction until Will had proclaimed the customer as Ed Payson, the man who’d “killed her brother.”

Dave Cass’ death occurred while I was in Boston for college. I’d never met Ed. The Payson family had moved here after I’d left. News, but no details of the tragic and senseless gunfight had been included in one of Pa’s letters. In Pa’s way, he said that since he hadn’t witnessed any of it, he chose to relate his sadness over Will’s loss rather than forward gossip.

By the time I returned, Dave’s death had become local lore eagerly and often related to me as news I’d missed. Each retelling had strange similarities. The storyteller always did a visual sweep of the room to ensure Will Cass wasn’t nearby before beginning. The second unifier, was that no one could remember Ed causing or being any trouble prior to that shootout. Yet they all concluded he must have been guilty of something since he’d left and started hiring out as a fast gun in the aftermath. The most often shared conclusion, relayed in a very quiet voice, was that Dave Cass had developed a wild streak, a boastful audacity, a quick temper, and a lack of self-control that had contributed to his death.

These attributes hadn’t surprised me. I’d grown up with Dave: a golden child who’d been adored by parents who chose to discount concerned reports of his behavior. Being the most prosperous family around had swelled Dave’s head, leaving him with a superior attitude that eventually turned him into a bully. He was an angel around his father, so Will had seen no need for “necessary talks” with Dave as my father did with us.

After seeing Will’s reaction to Ed, it seemed obvious he’d chosen to remain blind towards his son’s true nature during Payson’s ten-year absence.

In comparison, Ed’s reaction to Will was as direct a contrast as black is to white or dark to light. Ed’s words were calmly measured and his voice never rose while explaining his intent to live on the ranch left to him.

Will refused to step back from his anger and eventually aimed a rifle at the unarmed Payson.

Will surely had a right to withhold any welcome and to speak his mind. He had the right to hold a grudge and to ask Ed to leave. But he had no right to threaten Ed’s life. Stu and his boys walked in then and made it clear Payson was unarmed, so I removed the rifle from Will’s hands to prevent a tragedy.

Will didn’t resist. But his momentary surrender didn’t indicate a change of heart. Only his tactic changed to refusing sale along with a threat that he’d make sure no other business served Ed either. Again, Will had every right to deny access to his own goods, but not to enact a siege against Payson.  This threat prompted me to remind Will that I, or at least my family, held as much influence in town as he did.

That declaration dusted up my homelife more than I could have predicted. I faced Pa’s displeasure over my actions from the moment I stepped foot inside the house. My brief delay to drop off Ed’s supplies had allowed Will to get to Pa first, decrying my siding with Dave’s “murderer” and my financial “threat” against him.

My family has always afforded people second chances and left me outright stymied by Pa’s refusal to listen to any exonerating evidence or my side of the story.

Observing how clearly Will had won Pa’s loyalty made me suspect he wouldn’t stop until he’d whipped up others with fierier tempers than Ben Cartwright. Assuming they’d show up at Ed’s place after dark as cowards always do, I’d waited until Pa went to his room and then headed over.

Hearing only Ed’s gentle voice accompanied by his guitar had brought relief. I‘d decided to leave rather than disturb him when he’d begun the ballad. It seemed as much a confession as a song, so I’d stayed to listen and rode on when it was done. It seemed Ed had put his life to words creating a hymn he probably relied on for examining how he had ended up an outcast making a last attempt to find peace.

While helping Ed with repairs on his house the next day, I’d mentioned hearing him when “taking the air” the pervious evening, and he’d shared that playing guitar had begun as an attempt to keep his fingers nimble. The effectiveness as an exercise had proven dubious, but he’d found a welcome companion in this instrument.

I believe he had learned to use those six strings to soothe his troubled spirit like the young shepherd, David had pacified the anguished soul of King Saul with his lyre.

Since Ed had seemed willing to speak openly of his life, I’d felt comfortable settling something in my mind. If I was to go on supporting and defending this newcomer against one of the town’s founders, then I had to be sure that Will’s hatred of Payson wasn’t justified. Hoping to get an unscripted answer, I’d asked Ed outright whether the shootout with Dave had been fair as well as legal.

Unlike Will’s emotional, unrelenting hatefulness and Pa’s annoyed and embarrassed reaction to my actions at the store, Ed’s answer was thoughtful and honest.  One minute he and Dave had been drinking and having fun and the next minute they’d been facing each other in the alley with deadly intent.  Neither of them had thought through to the outcome of what they’d started. Despite the senseless death, the standoff had been a “fair” fight.

But then he’d added that he’d come to realize that no gunfight is ever truly fair. There’s an assumption of a 50/50 chance to win or lose. But one person always has an edge. Facing Dave, Ed figured he’d been a little less drunk, making his draw faster and his aim truer. He’d surprised himself that night. Having never shot in a standoff before, he’d been astonished at his speed and accuracy even under the effects of alcohol.

His saddest conclusion was that being drunk, slower and a poor shot had condemned Dave from the moment he’d issued the challenge. My conclusion was that while Ed had possessed the edge against Dave, he’d spent the next 10-years trying to outrun that bullet and take it in his own heart rather than kill his friend.

Returning to a simple life had been his last attempt to make peace with himself and the ghosts that traveled at his side. At the cemetery today I recalled the chords and lyrics of Ed’s ballad: a song as honest as the man who created it.

 

My thoughts wander next to walking Sally home from the cemetery and volunteering to stay when I sensed her uneasiness in being alone.

Planting my feet on the porch, I’d gently propelled the swing we occupied in a gentle back-and-forth arc, letting the motion dissolve our tension. When Sally relaxed onto the pillows behind her, I did the same and began humming the song Ed and I pulled together the day the three of us shared dinner at his house.

“I will always remember that evening,” Sally said as a smile formed over her grief. “We knew Ed for such a short time, yet we got to see his gentleness and dry humor. He may have gotten lost for a while, but he found himself again.” She looked to me. “Don’t you think so, Adam?”

“He did.” I allowed myself to review my short acquaintance with Ed Payson. “What I admired was his truthfulness. He never blamed anyone for the choices he made, and he came home accepting the odds against being welcomed.”

The only sound for the next few minutes had been the swing’s chains moving against the ceiling hooks. But a worried thought shot me upright. “I’m surprised your father hasn’t come out to call me a traitor and send me packing. Perhaps I should go rather than cause trouble.”

Sally sighed deeply. “Pa won’t be coming outside, Adam. The last time I saw him was the evening Ed died. He went from the confrontation with you and Ed in the street to the saloon, and showed up at home later reeking of liquor and misery. He passed by without looking at me or responding, and went to his room. When Billy rode past shortly after that, I knew my father had sent him to finish what they’d started. I screamed at Billy to stop and then ran inside hoping my father would intervene. He was already locked in his bedroom. I pounded on the door begging him to call Billy off, but he wouldn’t respond.”

“Where is he now?”

“He hasn’t been out of his room since then or at least not when I’m home. I hear him shuffling around in there repeating Dave’s name in an eerie litany, but he won’t answer.”

“Can I help?”

“I doubt it. If he doesn’t come out by morning, I’ll get Dr. Martin to visit and get help to take the door down.”

The quiet returned until Sally leaned forward, cradling her head in her hands.  “Isn’t it odd that Ed could evoke such different responses. I was touched by his sincerity and saw no evil. Pa could only see a man he’d hated and blamed for losing Dave. Billy hated Ed because I loved him. And you saw Ed’s honesty and respected his need to try again.” She sat up suddenly as her expression hardened. “Why couldn’t our love save him, Adam? Why did hate win?”

Wrapping my arm around her shoulders, I pulled her close. “Love did save him. In his short time with us he found a friend and experienced your affection. The joy was short-lived, but he accomplished his intention to find ‘home’ again.”

***

I’d spotted Roy coming towards the Cass home as I was offering Sally my goodbye, and he’d called a greeting from the gate.

“I just got back and Stu told me about the last few days.” He removed his hat and pulled out a hanky to mop his forehead. “I heard the funeral was today. Did you two just get back?”

“It was earlier, but we’ve been talking,” I explained. “I best get moving before Pa sends the cavalry.”

“I need to talk with both of you about this, but how about we do it at the office tomorrow morning. You both look worn.” He locked Sally in his sights. “I stopped at the store and Rose said your pa hasn’t been there for a couple days. From Stu’s telling, your father played a big role in what happened and I want to speak with him first. Is he inside?”

Sally repeated the story of Will being holed up, ending with, “I didn’t think about Pa’s culpability. Could he be charged with something?”

“Can’t say until I talk with him and verify his story with Billy Buckley, if I can find him. From Stu’s rambling report, your pa couldn’t get past Payson being back. My deputy said he warned Will that Payson was free of any warrants and had every right to come home.” Roy looked at his feet and shook his head. “The outcome indicates that fell on deaf ears. Stu says most people think your pa worked on Billy to go after Payson. But that’s speculation and I’ll make determinations only after hearing the stories of those involved.”

After a pause followed by a shiver resembling a dog shaking after exiting a pond, Roy added, “Before you ride off, Adam, I’d ask you come upstairs with me and Sally. I’ll try to talk Will outa his room. But if he won’t, we’ll bust down that door. We can’t leave him alone to do something foolish now that he knows I’m back and demanding answers. Sally and I can decide what to do once he’s out of there.”

 

Our house is finally on the horizon as I consider those last minutes in town. Will told Roy to go away, but his order lacked vigor and Sally gave the go-ahead to break in. After applying our boots to the thin door, we found the disheveled, reeking shell of Will Case curled on his bed holding a picture of his son. I expect he’s awash in a moral crisis after acting evilly and against his own nature to remove Ed from his life.

I admire Sally. Her tears turned instantly from losing a friend she’d come to love, to rest on this withered man she’d always loved. She knows what her father orchestrated, but quickly remembered that mankind is frail and any of us can succumb to the Devil’s whispers. Despite Will’s foul state, she ran to him; held him, and comforted him. Once Roy gave me a nod to indicate he had control, I slipped away.

Facing Fatherly Impatience

The expression on Pa’s face as I entered our house was the same sour frown he’s been giving me since the day he confronted me about my insolence with Will.

Knowing my father, the expression is no longer about befriending Ed Payson and more about his inability to offer comfort for the grief I’m unable to fully disguise.

This man still sits vigil with me through fevered nights when I’m ill. But he doesn’t know how to respond when the pain is soul deep.

That wasn’t always true. He easily recognized the ailments affecting my heart when I was little, and would pull me onto his lap or to his shoulder in a secure embrace. This always eased my fear and sadness. I absolutely trusted him when he’d whisper that everything would be better and that I could stay wrapped in his arms until I had the strength to leave them.

Once my younger brothers came along, I decided  to make things easier for Pa by handling my own uncertainties, fear, and heartbreaks. It wasn’t that I didn’t want Pa’s physical comfort, but I’d had him to myself for almost six years, and Pa was usually in short supply of patience and reassurance by the time I got to the front of the line behind Hoss and Joe. In turn, Pa probably interpreted my not seeking his affection as a sign of not wanting it any longer.

Tonight, as I face Pa with my heart feeling shredded like a battle flag, I can think of nothing more healing than for him to pull me into his embrace while whispering that he’s sorry I lost a friend and that time will heal the wounds and bring perspective. Yet, after I hang my coat and place my gun belt on the credenza, I move towards him and stop a step away. He remains at arm’s length as well, leaving us sizing each other up like boxers waiting for the other to make the first move.

It leaves me wondering how broken I’d need to be before a full surrender to each other could ever happen again.

My contemplating ends with Pa’s command. “Come to the table, Adam.” His additional words carry his circumstantial displeasure. “We waited supper for you and Hop Sing is anxious to serve.”

Following him towards the dining room, I offer, “I’m sorry,” to his back, and then try to plead a scrap of innocence. “I was leaving Sally’s house with time to get home when Roy came by and asked me to stay.” I note Pa’s left eyebrow arching as he pauses his stride and looks back at me.

“By the way, Roy would like to get statements about Payson’s death tomorrow and he asked that you come with me.”

Both of Pa’s eyebrows have risen clear into his hairline. “Me?” he asks in a pitch rising much the same as his brows. “What can I offer?”

“He wants to hear why you didn’t press charges against Billy back when he was Drummond’s acolyte.”

Pa shrugs off the request and completes his walk to the head of the table where Hoss and Joe wait quietly. “I have an early meeting in town tomorrow, but I’ll stop later.” Taking his chair, he points to my place across from him. “Sit down so Hop Sing can begin.”

The aroma of the fine Ponderosa beef Hop Sing carries in from the kitchen does not stimulate my appetite. This surprises me. I haven’t eaten since morning and my stomach growled continuously on the ride home. “I’m not hungry, Pa,” I say evenly. “I’m sorry to have delayed your meal, but I think I need rest more than food.”

“You don’t have to eat, Son. We know you’ve had a hard day. But we were there for you and I’d ask you respect that kindness by remaining with us for a time.”

Pa must sense a tear in the fabric of the Cartwright family over what led to today’s funeral, including his own unwillingness to step in when Will’s intentions took a deadly turn. His point about my family standing with me is valid and his request to remain ensures that we work through disagreements rather than go our separate ways and let them fester.

Taking a deep breath, I join hands with Hoss and Joe as Pa pronounces a blessing. I take enough from the serving dishes to push around my plate, giving the appearance of eating. But when I catch Pa watching me, I realize that rearranging my food isn’t enough, so I move an infrequent forkful into my mouth while my brothers tell of loco weed growing in a pasture and their plan to clear it.

Talk turns to an upcoming visit from a former ranch hand who is successfully building his own small herd in Arizona. I’m trying to listen and make appropriate facial expressions, but suddenly, my insides feel like a butter churn! I didn’t feel “sick” when I sat down, but forcing myself to eat when my stomach is in knots never goes well. My chair nearly topples when it sticks on the rug as I bolt up. Managing to mumble my apologies, I make a beeline for the stairway.

Hoss is the first to voice concern. “He sure don’t look good. You suppose he’s getting’ sick like he does when he pushes too hard?”

The nausea recedes with the deep breaths taken while charging up the steps. Registering Hoss’ comment, I pull to a stop out of sight in the hallway waiting for an answer.

“He’s been moping since Payson’s death,” Pa offers with an edge of judgment in talking “about” me. He’s been careful to hide this when talking “to” me about Ed.

“The way he’s carrying on you’d think that man was a lifetime friend instead of someone he knew for a couple of weeks. Adam tried to change Payson’s course, but men like that usually end up as he did.”

I hear Hoss clear his throat and then a clink of metal against china indicating he has put his fork down. He only does this during a meal when he’s going to make a serious point. I abhor eavesdropping yet my boots seem securely glued to the floor.

“I don’t mean no disrespect, Pa, but Adam ain’t moping. He’s grievin’ a friend. It don’t matter whether that friend is the kind you’ve known for years like Ross and Delphine or someone you just found like this Ed Payson. Each loss tears at him somethin’ awful.” More clinking indicates he’s releasing his tension by moving the rest of his silverware around.

“Adam don’t take friendships lightly, or build them easy,” he continues. “I helped stow stuff when he got back from Payson’s place last week, and he seemed happy … relaxed … like I don’t often see my older brother. He believed this man stood a good chance of findin’ a new life if others let him be. He’s hurtin’ even more because that chance got taken away in an act of spiteful revenge.”

My eyes well with hot tears as I thank God for this brother who knows me so well.

Thinking this would end the conversation, I take a quiet step forward, but stop as Joe breaks the silence. His voice is softer, making me wish I’d stayed put instead of now having to brace against the wall and lean back to hear better.

“I agree with Hoss. Adam can brood, but this is different. There are only two witnesses to what happened the night Payson died and neither of them have talked about it. Hoss and I stopped at the Bucket while you went to the bank after the burial. Without facts people are speculating. Some think Billy had every right to stake his claim to Sally when Payson got sweet on her. Others say Buckley wouldn’t have had the guts to do it except for Will Cass pushing him towards it. Many saw Will with Billy at the saloon just before he left for the shootout and assumed whatever Will said to him added wind to the fire he’d already lit inside Buckley. Billy hasn’t been around, so they wonder if the kid ambushed Payson rather than fought him, and ran to avoid a noose.”

“Joe’s right about that, Pa.” Hoss’ muffled words indicates he took a bite of food while Joe was talking. “Neither Billy nor Mr. Cass has been seen since that night. That last thing Joe said is what most wonder about. Fumbling ole’ Billy Buckley could not have outdrawn or outshot Ed Payson.”

Hoss huffs. “Think back on it, Pa. Billy had to look away to shoot Jeb Drummond when the old man came at him with deadly intent, even after learning of the dirt Drummond had done him. To go from that to winning a gun fight with a fast draw ain’t realistic. Adam ain’t been able to talk about it either, so we best hold our judgments until we know the truth.”

I wonder if the ragged breath I just released was heard downstairs, but I stay put awaiting Pa’s response.

“I know the Cartwrights defend the underdog and give people a chance.” A pause separates his thought. “But Payson made a living killing for money. He managed to keep it within the law, yet I find it hard to give a second chance to someone who would shoot another person without good cause or at another’s behest.”

My tension eases into a smile as Hoss laughs. Pa has a short memory and I believe Hoss is about to tweak it.

“Are you forgettin’ that before Billy saved our lives, he shot point blank at Adam following Drummond’s orders? Adam would’a died right then exceptin’ Billy’s gun misfired. Buckley worked for a man who thought nothing of preaching the Bible while ordering his men to kill anyone who had what he wanted. Yet you saw a spark in Billy that you honored with a second chance.  That’s what Adam offered Payson.”

Before Pa could answer, Joe spoke up again. “And recall that you welcomed Ma Hoad into our home despite her surety that the breech between we’uns and you’uns could only be addressed through gunfire and death. You gave her a second chance even after her family had left a trail of bodies and threats behind them. They ate dinner at this table while Adam was overhead recovering from a bullet sent from a Hoad rifle. Only grace took that bullet into a book to slow and turn it or Adam would have been dead or crippled.”

Pa’s complexion must be getting redder at my brothers’ forced look into his duplicity over what he could forgive as a “murderous sort” and what he could accept of me. “Enough!” he declares with volume, but not in anger. His voice is calm as he continues, “I get it. Adam befriending Payson was as natural for him as breathing because it’s what this family does. My only defense is that while he was befriending Payson, I viewed things from Will Cass’ loss.”

Pa clears his throat. “I heard talk at the bank today too and fear that rumors about my old friend’s involvement in Payson’ death are valid. People felt bad for Will when they heard Payson had showed up in his store. But they also heard Sally’s account of him being peaceable and hopeful of returning to a normal life. The most unsettling thing I heard was that Will did make rounds of the businesses in town enlisting their support in refusing to serve Payson, just as Adam had predicted. Clarence from the bank said a malicious change come over Will that allowed him speak of Payson as a ‘thing’ he needed to be rid of like yesterday’s garbage.”

“That’s the conclusion we heard too,” Joe confirmed.

“When I think back to Will ordering me to bring Adam into line, I should have asked him what he had done to evoke such a stand from my son. It breaks my heart that my impatience with Adam stems from being unwilling to listen to his concerns or address them with Will.  We do need to hear the whole truth before saying any more.”

Pa’s chuckle in ending this conversation isn’t a laugh. It’s his way of admitting he’s just been given a “necessary” attitude adjustment by his sons. “Now,” he says firmly. “Since we’ve done exactly what I didn’t want to do at this meal, can we finish eating in peace!”

I’m not sure how to get to my room without Pa knowing I’ve been listening. I shouldn’t have worried.

“I know you’re up there, Adam. I never heard the hinge squeak in your bedroom door. If you feel better, join us and we’ll either talk this out or change the subject entirely.”

Stepping from the hall to the upstairs landing, I smile at my family below.  “I’m still not hungry, but I appreciate that conversation. Thank you all for your honesty and more importantly, your willingness to listen even if the truth brings a good deal of discomfort.”

By the time I got to my chair, Hop Sing had delivered hot food for second helpings and placed a fresh table setting for me. The aromas this time leaves my stomach undisturbed, yet the only one that beckons is coming from the pewter coffee pot our cook just set in front of me. A cup of that will suffice until dessert. With Hop Sing’s innate tendency to know which one of us needs a little extra care, I wager it will be a confection I favor.

Pa views me across the table while I raise the cup for a sip. His smile is honest and his eyes twinkle as they do when he knows a log jam in our family’s flow has been cleared. “Would you like to talk about your friend’s death now that I’m not fussing at you to put him aside and move on?”

“I might rather wait until I give my statement to Roy tomorrow.” I glance over at Hoss and then Joe. “You’re both welcome to be there.

Hoss brought a spoonful of mashed potatoes to a halt midway to his plate. “I’ll think on it, Adam.”

Joe nods. “Same here.”

With the earlier tension removed, I feel I should reveal the situation back in town. “The reason I was so late, Pa, is that I helped Roy break down Will’s bedroom door to extricate him. The situation is not good.” The shocked look on my family’s faces continues as I reveal what Sally told me and what I’d observed once the door was open.

My father looks poleaxed, but finds his voice. “I’ll see him tomorrow whether he wants me there or not. Does Sally know why he’s acting like this?”

“We talked about it some, and she revealed that her father has always cursed Ed Payson in private. But with Ed leaving after being cleared of Dave’s death, others thought Will had learned to live with his loss.”

“That is astute,” Pa interjects. “Back then, I recall Will rejecting any thoughts about his son that didn’t fit his ideal of the boy. His friends found it easiest to avoid the subject entirely.”

“Sally made another amazing observation, concluding that her father couldn’t forgive Payson because he couldn’t forgive Dave for putting his life in jeopardy so stupidly. Unwilling to understand any of it, he canonized Dave as a saintly boy who could remain an innocent victim. When Ed walked into the store, Will’s denial of the truth burst open like an infected boil.”

Pa rubbed his chin while nodding. “It would seem our unwillingness to confront him with truth did not serve him well.”

“That’s partially true, Pa. Don’t forget it was Will’s choice to stay mired in the lies he told himself and he’s responsible for every decision proceeding from that. He could have sought counsel from friends or the minister to force another look at the situation. You’ve done that many times and found it revealing.

Pa manages a soft smile as I continue. “With all of us under this roof being adults now, we certainly have differing idea about how to address situations. This sometimes causes profound disagreements. But we’ve witnessed the way you handled such situations all our lives. It’s what makes us come back to the table and talk out our grievances. It isn’t comfortable, but it ensures that what divides us is never stronger than what holds us together. Instead of releasing his anger, Will clung onto it like some ugly souvenir of Dave’s death.”

Hoss used a slice of bread to swab down the last of the gravy on his plate while asking, “What d’ya think will happen to Mr. Cass?”

The question makes me grimace. “He will be found guilty of pushing for the murder of Ed Payson, at least in the court of public opinion. What bothers me even more is that Will must have known Billy was no match for Payson’s gun. He manipulated Billy to take a stand where there was little chance of the kid coming out alive.”

“That sums it up all right,” Hoss concludes.

“Will’s hatefulness allowed him to view Buckley as disposable,” I continue. “There was perfect evil logic in this plan. If Billy miraculously won the gunfight, he would become a folk hero and Will would be rid of Payson. If Billy lost, even in a fair fight, Will would claim Ed was surely a killer, making his attempt to stay here unattainable.”

Revealing all this has left me even more exhausted, a reminder of why I hadn’t planned to do so. Yet, being this far, I might as well conclude. “What I’ll tell Roy tomorrow is that that Billy is alive because Ed Payson decided there would be no more death at his hand. Billy did ‘offer’ him the option of leaving town, but Ed had accepted the inevitability of his life ending by the gun. The song I sang graveside was Ed’s own psalm. The one thing he could control was deciding when and how it would happen.”

“How’d he do that?” Hoss asks in a reverent tone.

“When he’d decided to come home, Ed vowed that he would live free of his past or not at all.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t invite him here,” Pa confesses. “He sounds like an interesting, thoughtful, and spiritual man.”

“He was, Pa.  The first thing I noticed about Ed was how weary he looked. Ten years in that life had taken a toll. I witnessed his skill with a gun when he drew against Billy, but what I saw clearly in our short association was that Ed lacked the soul and bravado of a true gunfighter. He seemed apologetic for causing any deaths and ensured all standoffs were within the law. And when he decided to quit, he faced his past head on in going to Will Cass first. Unfortunately, Will’s hatred proved a deadlier weapon than any gun.”

Hoss’ cheeks are scrunching up as he leans forward. “Did Payson let Billy draw first?”

My head moves side-to-side as I visualize the last minutes of Ed’s life. “Even using a gun and holster that wasn’t his, Ed had the pistol out and aimed at Billy before the kid could send a message from his head to his hand to draw. But Ed didn’t shoot. He waited for Billy to draw and after standing there for a few seconds, the kid finally pulled the trigger. As Ed went down, he fired wide to make it ‘fair.’”

“Why’d Billy shoot if Ed was just standin’ there? Maybe he couldn’t imagine that someone holding a gun on him wouldn’t shoot?” Hoss suggested in answer to his own question.

A rumble from deep in my chest exits, sounding like wounded laugh. “Couldn’t he? You reminded Pa that Billy shot at me with a defective gun. Let’s not forget that my pistol still worked. I gave him a chance to decide that he wasn’t a killer. Ed gave him that same chance.”

My father has leaned back in his chair, his complexion turning a pasty pale. “Are you feeling all right?” I ask in concern.

“All those things you said about Will knowing the odds but still pushing Billy. Are you sure that’s true?” he asks.

“I saw it first-hand.  Sally and others confirm it.”

Pa sits up although his color remains ghostly. “I’m left drawing comparisons between Jeb Drummond and Will Cass. Drummond was a thief, a liar, and a murderer. He played on Billy’s loyalty to have him go after Adam and then us. On the other hand, Will has been gracious and fair, a pillar of this community. Yet they both used Billy in sick, twisted ways. No wonder Will’s been hiding.”

Pa grabs his handkerchief from his pocket and wipes at his nose. “I hate what he’s done, but he needs a friend more than a judge. You can tell Roy about Billy’s past if it comes up, Adam. I’ll stay with Will and assist any way I can.”

Joe scratched at his neck and grimaced. “There is one difference, Pa. Billy isn’t as innocent in this instance as he was when facing Adam. Jeb would have killed him if he hadn’t obeyed. Will Cass may have goaded him into it, but there was no one holding a gun to Billy’s head.  When given the choice, Billy alone made the decision to shoot.” My youngest brother tosses his napkin onto the table and grits his teeth. “You wonder what Billy was really thinking as he pulled the trigger.”

The Ugly Truth

Our talk last night brought insight for all of us, but I was careful to keep the discussion about the circumstances without revealing more about the personal toll they’ve taken.

When the room had finally quieted, Hop Sing appeared with plates bearing dessert to provide a “sweet” ending to the meal. I’d been right in thinking it would be something I liked, and my stomach welcomed two generous pieces of the custardy yellow cake with the crunchy topping of nuts and sugar. The recipe must have an actual name, but Hop Sing calls it Adam’s Cake. It’s been my favorite since I took my first bite as a kid.

Sleep came quickly when I finally turned in, but it was interrupted by a recurrent nightmare. My cheeks and pillow were wet when I awoke. It’s impossible not to feel the futility of watching Ed’s life ebb away so senselessly, even in my dreams.

Will Cass is facing the results of a failed moral dilemma, but Ed faced his own moral choice the night Billy showed up at his house. The six deaths he’d hastened might have fallen under the law, yet he’d admitted that the spirits of those men had followed him. That night, Ed considered every possible way out of the situation and found only one. He surrendered his life rather than kill again.

My hope is that Sally and I allowed him a few blessed days of friendship without expectation or judgment. He was hesitant to hope this could ever become his life, but I believe it strengthened his ultimate decision to remain true to himself.

In the struggle between good and evil, I chose to root for Ed Payson. Someone hearing Ed’s ballad might think he died miserably. One day I’ll add a stanza to tell how in choosing to die “by the gun,” he saved his soul.

A New Day

Breakfast this morning continued with the same cordiality we’d reached last night. Hoss and Joe are accompanying Pa and me to town, but they’ve decided to scour the saloons for the latest gossip and speculation. Pa remains hopeful that Will is ready to accept help and he will provide it.

***

The ride to town went quickly with Joe leading the way onto the main thoroughfare. Since my brothers intend to start with saloons at the far end of town, we’re confused to see our youngest family member pulling over in front of Cass’ store.

The rest of us understand when seeing the large “For Sale” sign nailed to the right of the door where Rose Redmond is talking with a patron. Rose often takes care of the store for Will and with all that’s been going on, seeing her doesn’t surprise us. Once the stone-faced customer walks away, she motions us over.

“You must be surprised by the sign.”

“Surprised is one way to describe it,” Pa replies.

“I was with Sally most of yesterday and she never mentioned selling the store,” I add.

“Lots happened after you left, Adam.” Not many people are doing errands yet, but after a quick look to ensure we have no eavesdroppers, she continues. “Sally came in towards evening planning to get the cash and close the store. She told me about her father and then asked if I’d help this morning while she talks with Roy. There was no mention of selling then, so I was as stunned as you to see the sign today. Sally was in a hurry, but she gave me a few details as to why it’s ‘necessary’ to sell fast.”

“Care to share what you learned?” I lean sideways to clear Sport’s thick neck and wink at her. “You’re not the gossiping type, but I’m also heading over by Roy and Pa is going to see Will. It would be nice to know what hornet’s nest has been disturbed before we get stung.”

My bothers relocate their horses to hear better as Rose takes another quick look both ways down the street. “You all know Billy Boy Buckley didn’t have the brains nor guts to shoot Ed Payson on his own. You also know Will’s in a mental breakdown.”

“We do know those things. What don’t we know?” I encourage.

“Word made it to wherever Billy was hiding that Roy was back and had spoken to Will. He hurried to the jail to give his side of the story last evening, but Roy told him to come back today when you and Sally would be there too. Failing to plead his case there, the kid took his claim of innocence on a tour of saloons. He says Will Cass made him believe that the only thing standing between him and Sally getting married was Ed Payson and he kept pushing at him to do something about it. With Billy not being the most creative of sort, folks easily accepted his story of being manipulated.

“They believe Will made him do it?” Hoss asks a bit loudly.

“Pretty much,” Rose said as she stepped closer to make her next point. “Billy says he was astounded by how fast Payson drew that night, but then, Ed didn’t shoot. This left Billy confused as to how to respond, but he went ahead and drew too. As they both stood with their pistols drawn, he contemplated the reasons Will had put in his mind to kill Payson and he finally shot at him. Billy now claims Will jaded him towards Ed by lying about Sally’s affections and Payson being ruthless killer.” Rose chuckles. “I’m not sure if Billy is seeking absolution for shooting Payson or trying to let other know he didn’t really outdraw a known gunfighter.”

“A little of both I presume.” I’m personally surprised that he’s being as truthful as he is. “Billy doesn’t need to worry about a challenge. Ed had no reputation as a gunfighter. So, how does this lead into the store being for sale.”

Rose’s smile drops as her brown eyes darken to black. “After the good people of Virginia City listened to Billy’s tale, they began contemplating their own part in Ed’s death and like Buckley, they are trying hard to declare their innocence.”

“How so?” I ask

“All those righteous folks who did and said nothing or even encouraged Will when his reaction to Payson turned ugly, now say Ed deserved a chance to start over. They conclude that Will should have gotten past this his anger years ago instead of letting it eat him alive. Sally told me that between the time I left last night and when she finally locked up, 20 customers had come by to spew their judgments on her father and close their accounts. I’ve had ten more since I opened.”

We all turn as Marge Swenson walks towards the store. She gives Rose an imperious nod and says, “I need to talk with you,” before striding into the store with her shoulders back and chin jutting forward like the prow of a ship.”

“Golly, I can’t imagine why she’s here,” Rose laughs. “Funny how desperate people are to disassociate with Will now that he’s being accused of the same heinous act he claimed Payson committed. These same folks who remained silent back when Will declared Dave was completely innocent, now clearly remember the boy being a bully with a hair-trigger temper. They now proclaim that Ed had every right to shoot Dave in a fair gunfight spurred Will’s boy.”

Pa’s face takes a sour grimace. “Will knows this is happening?”

A sad expression sets firmly on Rose’s face. “Sally told him last night, but then a few even more righteous folks got enough liquid courage in their guts to congregate outside the Cass house after dark holding torches and shouting that he murdered Ed Payson. Sally slipped out the back and Roy got there just as the mob started throwing stones at the house while threatening to burn it down. Will knows the only way out of this is to sell and leave town.”

“It’s a sad day when a man who was a first anchor in this town and supported so many through their toughest of times is treated with such contempt.” Pa blew a sigh and looked over at us. “I’m one of those who should have tried harder with Will back when Dave died, and I regret not stepping in along with Adam when Will’s current intentions became clear. I know he’s done wrong, yet we can all take a misstep through a dark gate and find ourselves drowning in bad decisions.”

With Rose heading inside to deal with Marge, my family needs to get moving too. “Will and Sally will appreciate your help, Pa. Let us know what we can do.” I slip Pa a lopsided smile and lean closer. “As a wise man once told me, “I just worry you’ll get yourself into the middle of trouble.”

I’ve used an eye roll throughout my life to express my annoyance over unwanted advice, assuming the expression was original to me. But receiving one from Pa in response to my recall of his caution when I befriended Ed, makes it clear that I was only a student of the master.

Reaching over the divide between our horses, he pats my arm and says, “I may have forgotten for a minute that getting into the middle of trouble is what Cartwrights do best.”

***

I bid goodbye to my brothers outside the Bucket and continued to the jail where my brisk walk into Roy’s office halts at seeing Billy and Sally seated around the sheriff’s desk.

“Perfect timing, Adam,” Roy says in welcome and nods towards the others. “These two showed up a little bit ago and have been giving me an account of Ed Payson’s arrival in town.”

“I’d like a quick recap,” I request while carrying a chair over by Sally.

Roy clears his throat. “Let me tell it from my notes to verify I have it right.” He shuffles sheets of paper and positions his glasses down his nose to read his scratchy writing. “Billy said he was here with Jamie and Stu when Payson rode into town.” Roy looks up at me to provide further context. “This wasn’t unexpected. Shelby Smith wrote the will for Ed Sr, and sent notices to young Ed’s last known address when his father died some years back. There was no response then, but a couple months back, Ed wired Shelby to confirm that the land was still his. Assuming this meant Ed planned on coming home, and since Shelby’s been here a long time and was aware of Will’s continued ill feelings to the man, he alerted me to the possibility of trouble on the horizon.”

I nod. “Did you warn Will?”

Roy rubs his chin. “I didn’t want to make trouble when there might not be any, but knowing I was going to be gone a while testifying in Placerville, Stu and I scoured our current warrants and found nothing for Payson in Nevada. I wired the surrounding states and even the town where that wire originated. The sheriff there said Ed had protected a wealthy rancher who’d been threatened a few times, but had never caused any trouble. We decided Stu would just keep an eye out and If Payson arrived while I was gone, he would remind Will that the man had the right to settle here.

“He might’a had the right to come home,” Billy says with a distinct snarl. “But sense should’a told him he shouldn’t.”

Roy ignores the comment. “There’s something in the back of my mind about you and Billy, Adam, and I gotta know the truth about this. Billy is the kid who tried to kidnap and shoot you back when he came here with that demented sheep herder.”

“Yes, but how does that impact this situation?”

“With you two being the only ones who know what went on at Payson’s the night he died, I wonder if past animosity might jade your view of Billy’s role in the death of a man who’d become your friend.”

“How can you say that?” I hear the baffled tone in my voice even as I understand Roy’s need to ask. “I will confirm what Billy says as long as it’s the truth.”

“So … you’re willing to let Billy go free if it was a legal fight?”

“I have never lied to you, even when it might have made life easier doing so.”

“That’s true Adam,” Roy says calmly. “It’s why I will rely highly on your account of Payson’s death. Let’s set this straight so I can move on. Was the shootout within the law?”

“It fit the standard for a legal fight. Ed Payson made sure of that so he could die in peace. My only question is why Billy fired when he could have chosen not to.”

I notice that Roy is careful to pace this conversation with physical gestures. He’s sighed, rubbed his face, cleared his throat, and this time he removes his glasses, cleans them with his hanky, and then replaces them before saying, “Thank you, Adam. Let’s get back to that first day. Billy says Payson rode straight to the Cass store.” He looks up at me. “Sally said you took a liking to Payson right off and helped him with supplies and fixing up his house. There are two others stores where he could have bought those staples and avoid trouble. Did you ever get a sense why he confronted Will Cass first thing?”

“Ed didn’t ‘confront’ Will,” I clarify. “He walked in and placed an order with Sally like any other customer. He must have expected Will to recognize him at some point, but Ed did nothing to raise the tension. To answer your question, I believe Ed knew the road out to his house went directly through Will Cass’ store. He went there first in an honest attempt to let Will know he was back and why, and assess whether Dave’s father would be a bump in that road or a full roadblock.”

“He apologized once Pa recognized who he was and remained calm and very humble,” Sally interjects. “I agree with Adam that he was being upfront about his intentions and he needed my father’s reaction.”

After another pause, this time to read his notes, Roy addressed me again. “Sally said you were picking up supplies and stayed out of it until her father pulled a rifle. Why did you intervene?”

A dry laugh escapes. “Someone had to. Will’s anger escalated quickly with no provocation other than Ed’s presence. Sally is correct. Payson remained calm, humbly stating his intentions. But something came over Will I can only explain as being evil. Stu arrived then and his cautions fell on Will’s deaf ears too. I was closest to Will and he was able to release the firearm to me as he stepped back from what would have been a regrettable action.”

My thoughts return to that initial meeting and a sigh slips out. “Ed was despised as having been a gun for hire, yet in his ten-year absence, he admitted having only six standoffs, all done within the law. With Dave taken from that total, it was just five. It couldn’t have provided a lucrative life considering he owned only his guitar, his horse, and a few coins in his pocket. Ed was not a legendary gun or a killer. He was simply a man making a living within the law in a way most people cannot understand.”

I do a little self-reflective math. “I’ve killed more men than Ed Payson. All legally too. The difference is that I shot to defend the lives of my family, myself, or our land from those who threatened to take them. I’m still seen as a respected member of this community while Ed was considered a pariah with no one bothering to ask the circumstances he’d faced.”

A shiver ripples down my back as I realize how different my life could have been if one of the people I’d killed had been a friend in a moment spurred by alcohol and stupidity.

Turning to Billy, I wrest the questioning from Roy to get to the meat of things. “You were also there that day. You had never met Ed. You’d only heard of him and yet judged yourself superior. How could you do that knowing you’d once been the right-hand-man of killer and that you’d been given a second chance at life, just as Ed was asking?”

Billy’s eyes nearly pop from their sockets before he starts picking at his clothes and cuticles. The focus of what happened has been on Will so far, with no one challenging Billy to explain why he performed the execution.

The wheels turn slow in Billy’s mind. I noticed that in my first encounter with him and again when he decided whether to shoot Ed. His twisting facial features exhibit this tortured thought process as we all await an answer. The kid finally sits forward.

“I hang around with Stu and Jamie, so I heard about that evil Payson killing Mr. Cass’ son. I went with them to the store expecting trouble.”

“But there was no trouble,” I insert. “At least not from Ed Payson. He didn’t have a gun; he remained restrained and respectful; he never even raised his voice, and he left when told. So … what possible evil did you witness in him!”

Billy’s eyes flash in anger. “Why didn’t you let things be, Adam? It might have ended right then with Payson leaving again if you’d stayed out of it,” Billy whines and then turns on Sally. “And why’d you have to get to likin’ him more than me? Someone had to stick up for your pa and protect you from a killer.”

Sally’s mouth opens in a silent O as her cheeks flame crimson. “You believe you killed Ed Payson to protect me? How utterly ridiculous!”

“But you and me was courting before he got to town.” The whining tone is back. “Then just like that you started making eyes at the guy who killed your brother!”

This isn’t what I was expecting to witness today, but the truth coming out is clearing the impenetrable fog that has lingered over this whole episode.

Sally is fighting tears but she engages Billy eye-to-eye. “First off, Billy Boy, you didn’t know my brother. Ed Payson drew faster in a fight my brother provoked. My father could never admit that, but I knew a different Dave than Pa did. Pa coddled Dave after our mother died because he had a hard time getting over the loss himself. I took over most of Ma’s work for the family, but Dave, who’d always been a mouthy, troubled kid, was allowed to do anything he pleased because Pa had no strength to keep him in line. Dave eventually concluded he was smarter and better than others and got mad if they dared challenge him.” She looks quickly at me. “Adam knows the truth of what I’m saying. My brother could be cruel, yet Pa refused to see it. When he faced Ed Payson, Dave found out in the worst way that he wasn’t the best at everything.”

She huffed loudly, taking a deep breath before reengaging the wide-eyed Billy. “And that lie you’re telling yourself about the two of us is absurd. We went out for dinner now and then, Billy, but nothing more. Pa used your interest in me when Ed came home. You just yelled at Adam about getting involved. But after he stood up to Pa, my father realized that running Ed out of town would be impossible if people like Adam Cartwright advocated for giving the man a chance. I’m not sure what the Devil whispered in Pa’s ear, but he suddenly saw a method to rid himself of his pain through a naïve kid who thought I was in love with him.”

It took Sally another deep breath and shift of position to gather strength for her final thoughts. “But what you didn’t know was that Pa would never have let me marry you. He had his eye on a couple of young men from town with wealthy fathers, not some former sheep herder with two cents to his name and no discernable skills beyond hammering a nail straight. He allowed you to take me out to benefit from your help like building that new shed out back or loading wagons when our regular man was away. He liked you, but he laughed at your clumsy, simple ways, and said he doubted you ever had an original thought in your life.”

“He never!” Billy shouted, but then grew quiet. “He ….”

“Used you,” I provided. “He used your innocence in harmless ways at first. Who knows whether he might have come around to seeing you as husband material if Sally had developed true feelings for you. Will is normally a kind and generous man, but he had a streak of hate running through him like a vein of silver ore in a mine. Had Ed Payson not returned, that vein might never have been tapped. But once exposed, he mined it, hoping that ridding his life of grief and hatred was as easy as eliminating what he saw as the source of it.”

Roy stood, laying his hands flat on his desk and giving us each an evil eye. “I’ve lost control of this, so all of you be still.”

Roy’s an affable man who doesn’t poke easily, but I do understand that what’s happening here is no longer a statement from us. His office has become a confessional.

“When you stopped yesterday, Billy, you were more interested in defending yer actions than explaining them, so I sent you away to consider why you went ahead with something you felt you were being pushed into. By the time I made rounds last night, I heard you’d been out declaring your innocence and Will Cass’ guilt to anyone who’d listen. That proved a pretty good tactic as Sally confirmed when she got here a little before you, Billy. With her father declared the villain, people have turned on him and are ready to run him out of town. Why don’t you tell Adam and Billy what’s been happening, Sally.”

Her shoulders pulled back as her expression hardened. “Billy’s indictment of Pa last evening started a wildfire of anger against us. People who only heard rumors issuing from your diatribes, now feel justified in forcing our store out of business. Last night some even tried to burn our house! Pa and I feel it’s safest to leave as soon as we can.”

“It’s a danged shame,” Roy says earnestly before turning again to Buckley. “I believe you intended no harm to come to the Cass family, but that’s the trouble with telling only part of the truth to cover your own sins.  You’re the one who shot Ed Payson. You had the choice to ignore Will if you didn’t agree with him. So, tell me exactly why you went out to Payson’s that night.”

Billy Boy looks to Sally. “You claim yer pa didn’t think much of me, but I was the only one who cared when he started getting sadder and sadder about you being kindly towards Payson. It was me he told about needing to have Payson gone. He even said I should marry you fast before you did something foolish with that guy.”

Billy’s attention turns to Roy. “With Adam stickin’ up for him; helping at his place; paying the tax bill, and defending him in town against me and Mr. Cass, Payson wasn’t going away. After Mr. Cass cried in front of everyone on the street, he said he couldn’t look at the man anymore, and there was only one way to find peace again. I’d entertained the thought of going up against Payson from the first time I saw Sally acting so nice to him. I ain’t no fast draw, but I practiced some to get ready.  That last night, Mr. Cass all but said I had to kill Payson and I figured I’d do it somewhere Adam couldn’t ruin it again. In a way I was proud Mr. Cass trusted me. But he ain’t talked to me since, and I’m thinking he didn’t care a lick about me any more’n old Jeb Drummond.”

“What you’re claiming in a roundabout way is that you wouldn’t have gone gunning for Payson if not for Will?” Roy asked.

“I don’t know for sure, but each time I saw him he looked worse for his pain and I got to thinkin’ he would die from the grief. It was like Mr. Cass had a deadly disease and was begging me for a cure.”

“When Billy rode by that night on his way out of town, I knew Pa had put him up to doing something horrible.” Sally finally let her tears flow as she described the night Ed died. “I begged Pa go after Billy.” The tears stopped as Sally sat ramrod straight again, her eyes blazing. “But let me set all of you straight about something. Pa may have used me as an excuse, but this was never about me. It was always and only about Dave. No matter how faithful I was to Pa, I could never make up for Dave being gone.” She finished with a hiccupping sob.

I’m speechless. We never know what’s going on behind closed doors. Will Cass fooled us all into thinking he’d made peace with his loss while his daughter bore the burden of that lie.

She folds easily into my shoulder when I wrap my arms around her and offer my handkerchief. “I’m sorry no one understood how much your brother’s death cost you.”

Using the red square of fabric to dry her tears, she whispers, “What I just said was skewed by all that’s happened recently. Pa appreciated that I worked with him at the store and made a pleasant home for us. It was only when the calendar moved to Dave’s birthday and the anniversary of his death that Pa went maudlin and would say things to make me think he’d have picked me if he’d had a choice over which child to lose. Once the anniversaries passed, Pa would tuck all that rage and grief away again.”

“It’s clear that you love your father and know he wasn’t himself in what happened,” I say to encourage her.

Looking over Sally’s head, I lock my eyes on Billy. “No matter the depth of his anguish, your father didn’t have it in him to kill Ed. He needed a willing devotee and found that in Billy.”

Roy uses this as his cue to get back on track. “After practicing your draw, you tried to get Payson to go up against you in town but when Adam stepped in again, you went to goad Payson into a drawdown at his house?”

Billy nods.

“Describe the gunfight now, and remember Adam will dispute anything false or misleading.”

Billy looks down. “I gave the guy a chance to leave town, but he didn’t want that. He asked me why I needed to do this, and then guessed it was over Sally.” Billy’s next breath sounds like a groan. “I agreed, but in truth, I wasn’t sure about anything right then. He buckled on the gun I’d brought for him and took a stance.”

“Payson drew first?” Roy asks.

“Yes. But ….”

“What?” Roy now prods with more vigor.

“He just stood there with his gun aimed at me. I drew and then fired. He shot back as he went down, but missed by a mile.”

Roy addresses me. “If Billy’s account is accurate, it was a fair fight.””

“By legal standards, it was.” I see Billy sit up straighter, his shoulders squaring and his chin rising as though I’ve vindicated him of all wrong. “By standards of human decency, it was murder.”

Billy is on his feet waving his fist at me. “You ain’t got no call to say that!” he screams before using the same defense with Roy. “He ain’t got no right to call it that.”

“Don’t I? I’ve thought about your actions very carefully, and it’s what I witnessed.”

“You better start talking,” Roy says. “How can it be fair and still be murder?”

“Ed was shaken by what happened outside Cass’ store. I went home with him suspecting more trouble. All Ed wanted was a chance, but it was clear that Will and Billy Boy weren’t going to let that happen. We both knew the kid would keep trying to force the standoff, and that left Ed with a decision.”

“You mean whether to move on or stay to fight?” Roy asked.

“He wasn’t going to leave. His homestead had come to represent the place he’d be able to shed the ghosts that followed him. It was literally his last stand. Ed told me that no gunfight is ever fair since one of the participants always holds an edge. I this case, Billy had probably pulled his gun a few times to shoot at cans, making him think he’d be fast enough for a chance. But Ed knew Billy would be full of adrenaline and nerves he couldn’t control. The advantage was all Ed’s that night. His decision was whether to use it.”

I hear Roy sigh. He’s been a lawman enough years to know the truth of everything I’ve said. He’s now viewing that faceoff as it actually happened, not as Billy remembers it. “Go on,” he encourages me.

“Ed’s pistol cleared the holster in a smooth second!” I give Roy another minute to set the scene. “If Ed had been the willful killer Will claimed, Billy would be dead. But Ed didn’t shoot.”

“Why was that?” Roy asked.

“He let Billy decide how it would end. Would he shoot when given the option not to. It took an agonizing long time, but Billy shot to kill.”

“You just admitted he drew first and held his aim,” Billy countered. “What was I supposed to do? Who doesn’t shoot when they’re facing someone else’s gun?”

“You wouldn’t be alive today if I’d taken my shot at you after your gun misfired back in that canyon with Drummond screaming at you to kill me.” Sally has regained her strength and sits up, allowing me to relocate to the edge of Roy’s desk so I can directly engage Billy and yank the truth from him like a bad tooth. “After that standoff in town, I told Ed about my experiences with you. I knew you couldn’t shoot at me. Not after my family gave you a chance to live outside Jeb Drummond’s influence. I never thought you had the heart of a killer, but I was wrong.  When Ed gave you the chance to choose life over death, you chose death.”

“This was different than that thing between you and me,” Billy whines. “Ed Payson was a killer.”

“No more than you are, Billy. Ed Payson reached the decision to never kill again before he rode into town. If he hadn’t held to that, you would be dead now … legally.” I lean forward, nearly looming over the kid as I demand, “Why did you pull the trigger?”

My rage is building as I think about Ed dying so senselessly. When I finally look at Billy, I see that he knows exactly why he killed Ed, and it has nothing to do with Will Cass. The sickening nature of what he’s hiding makes him pale and look about to vomit.

I want to hear him say it out loud, so I push again. “People thought Ed was some kind of monster, but they’re seeing the truth now. They might even believe that Will put you up to it, but they also know you wouldn’t have won a gunfight against him and are already speculating that you killed him in a cowardly way. Those who turned on Will Cass will turn on you next. So, you might as well admit why you shot. It can’t lower our opinion of you at this point.”

My anger is mixing with grief so strong my chest hurts. I need to walk off my energy and begin to pace while Billy shrinks into himself.

Sally’s soft voice rises. “I’d like an answer too, Billy. My father goaded you, but if Ed gave you a chance to walk away, maybe even claim victory by saying he’d been afraid to go against you; why pull the trigger?”

Roy ruffled his papers again and finally cleared his throat loudly. “I feel badly this ended as it did, Adam, but you admit Payson pulled first and returned fire.”

I nod. “His shot wasn’t meant to do anything except confirm Billy’s claim of self-defense. Ed vowed he wouldn’t kill again and chose to die rather than break that vow. He died triumphing over hate.”

I’d turned away from Billy, and was surprised to hear a sob from his direction.

“I’ll tell you why I shot, Adam.” His voice is intermixed with the sobs of the bereft. “I did listen to Mr. Cass. I heard his promises that everything would be good if Payson was gone and believed that was true for me too. And when Payton didn’t shoot after outdrawing me, I thought about walking away.”

“Why didn’t you?” Sally asks.

“Remember what Jeb Drummond said to me just before I shot him, Adam?” He looks up at me, his eyes pleading for me to recall something that would explain everything. I think back to that day when Drummond ordered Billy to kill my entire family, and my good memory provides an answer.

“I do. But you need to say it.”

He gave a quick look to Sally and Roy and then dropped his head, projecting his voice down into his lap. “Jeb Drummond was a cussed man who had reasons to justify all the bad he’d done. He’d been teaching me in raising sheep, but that wasn’t all he was teaching me. Jeb paid no second thoughts to taking what wasn’t his or getting’ rid of those who stood up to him, using the Good Book to his own purpose. I was afraid of him, but more afraid of who I was becoming with him.”

Billy finally raises his head and his tone strengthens. “I saw that the others riding with us were tryin’ to leave, and that left only me do Jeb’s killing for him. I finally seen that Jeb was just like what the Bible says about Satan bein’ a liar. There weren’t nothing Jeb ever said to me that wasn’t based on a lie. When I refused to kill the Cartwrights, he knew he’d lost control and came after me saying I was ‘woman soft’ and hadn’t I learned that ‘if I wanted something, I had to take it any way I could.’”

“That’s what you were remembering when you faced Ed?” I ask quietly.

He nods as the tears flow. “Them years with Jeb Drummond left something behind I only realized when I was standing there. I wanted Sally more’n anything in this world. I wanted her daddy and my friends to look at me with respect. I heard Jeb shouting inside my brain to take back what I’d lost and get what I wanted. And I shot.”

The shock of Billy’s admission drew all breath from the room leaving a vacuum of silence. I recover my voice first. “I assume you knew the evil of what you’d done as soon as Ed went down.”

Billy’s head jerked side-to-side while he moaned low like a sick steer. “I had in my head that I’d be declared a hero for ridding the town of that man. But when I passed Sally on my way out of Payson’s place and she wouldn’t even look at me, I knew I was wrong about it all. She hates me as much as her pa hated Payson. And Mr. Cass hates me for doing what he didn’t have the guts to do himself. Or maybe He hates me for going through with it when he was just wishing for his death but hadn’t thought about how it would make him a killer too. And the town hates me because they had nothing against Payson. It’s like you said, Adam. I’m a killer now, not a hero.”

Another mournful groan rises from Billy’s soul. “I didn’t get nothing I wanted out of this. And now I worry that someone who thinks I outdrew Payson will call me out!”

“That won’t happen, Billy,” I offer truthfully. “There won’t be any charges brought against you, so have you thought about what you’ll do now?”

His laugh is a wounded howl coming from a broken soul. “I guess I’ll be drifting just like Payson did.”

“I don’t hate you, Billy,” Sally says as she can finally speak.  “I’m sorry you thought any of this would impress me or make me love you. I would have explained this if you’d bothered to ask or listen.” She manages a sad smile. “Pa hasn’t asked me to go with him, but I will out of love. Maybe now that he’s seen what horrors hate can accomplish, he’ll start over with a new outlook.”

Roy stands indicating his intention to send us on our ways. “I’ll write this up with just the facts of what happened. It was a legal fight. Although there was some kind of conspiracy and an intent to cause it, motives only matter when it’s not legal. I agree with what Adam said earlier.  You committed legal murder. One day I hope the laws regarding gunfights change. For now I’ll make sure others know that Payson laid down his gun and then laid down his life to uphold that. I wish I’d been here. I could have put some sense to this with Will before it got that far!”

Roy has spoken the truth.

Billy unbuckles his gun belt and lays it on Roy’s desk. “I’m putting up this gun before it gets me into more trouble. I’ll be outa Virginia City in an hour if I’m free to go.” He looks towards me and Sally. “I’m sorry you both lost a friend because I thought killing would get me something that was never mine. In them years I worked with Jeb I saw that taking what he wanted never made life easier or better for him. He was always lookin’ for somethin’ more’n he rightfully had. I should’a remembered that. I will from here on.”

His words leave me thinking that Ed’s death accomplished more than I would have thought possible.

With Billy out the door, Roy asks, “Do you think he’ll hold to that?”

I shrug. “Time will tell. I’ll wager that few people thought Ed could do it. I’m proud to have witnessed he could.”

“Me too,” Sally adds. “Ed took his life down to the studs and rebuilt from there. I’ll pray Billy and my father will do the same.”

Can Broken Lives be Glued Back Together?

I took Sally’s hand as we headed down the boardwalk from the jail. I was in search of my brothers and she was headed to the store to help Rose. It felt like we should have so much to say about what we’d just witnessed, yet neither of us had digested it enough to put it to words.

Hoss’ distinctive laugh drifting out from the Bucket of Blood let me know I’d reached my destination. After a quick hug and a promise to visit her and Will before they left, I waited for Sally to reach the store on her own before pushing through the swinging doors of the saloon.

I spot my middle brother at a table off to the side with ranch hands from the Circle M, while Joe is facing away from me at the bar talking to one of the saloon girls he favors when needing information. The kid has a full beer awaiting his attention, so I edge in next to him and appropriate the mug, draining it in a few long swallows. Beer at the bucket is as watered as most places, but it’s always cold and feels good sliding down my dry throat.

Gwen, the woman with Joe, gives a smile and a quick, “Hi, Adam,” before leaving to mingle with other customers. As she moves away, we’re joined by Hoss.

“Did you hear anything interesting?” I ask.

“Mostly what Rose told us,” Joe offers. “Will pushed a dumb kid into doing his dirty work. What most can’t figure is how Billy got the drop on Payson.”

“Did you tell them?”

“Sort’a,” Hoss admits. “I didn’t want to say too much ‘til you finished up with Roy, but I reminded them that Ed had laid his gun down when he got here. So the only way Billy could’a won was if Ed let him.”

“That was a good way to put it, Hoss.”

The bar is emptying as it gets close to noon. The Bucket doesn’t serve food, so the cowhands having a day off are heading elsewhere for lunch. “Any word from Pa?” I ask next.

Joe answers as Hoss orders another round of beer. “He found us at the Sazerac and said not to wait for him because he was on a ‘mission’ for Will. He wouldn’t say more with others around, but he did say Will admitted that having his door busted open and being forced to speak with Roy, shocked him back from the dark place he’d gone. He expects Sally will close the store early and when she arrives home, he’ll head out.”

***

We followed Pa’s directive not to wait for him and left for the ranch after lunch in town. With all I’d experienced over the past 24 hours, it felt good to get lost in everyday chores and all three of us worked until the sun began to set.

There was no problem with my appetite tonight, and I was headed toward a meal my nose told me included fried chicken and some lovely side dishes, when we heard Buck’s distinctive heavy footfalls in the yard. After alerting Hop Sing to a short delay, I joined my brothers to welcome Pa home and get the latest information.

Earlier, Hoss had arranged for one of our hands to settle Buck when Pa arrived, and Jack was there to take the big buckskin away as soon as Pa’s foot hit the ground, allowing the rest of us to head inside without delay.

Although he knows we’re anxious to hear what he was up to when Joe saw him in town, Ben Cartwright refuses to be rushed, even by his sons. After a quick trip to his room to clean up, he joined us at the table, pronounced a blessing on our dinner, and still waited until our plates were filled before asking, “So what happened with your three in town?”

I’d already shared the conversation in Roy’s office with my brothers, so gave only a quick recap. He seem satisfied with the high-points and smiles at me with his best fatherly expression. “That must have been a troubling, yet amazing conversation.”

“Could you tell if Will is facing his role in this as well as Billy?” I ask in return.

Pa’s smile dissolves as his shoulders pull forward. Leaning his arms on either side of his place setting, he sighs heavily. “Will is stuck between the horror of what he pushed Billy to do and his long-held surety that Ed Payson deserved to die for what he did to Dave. There’s war within his heart, mind, and soul. Will admits he was wrong, yet his grief ….” Pa fiddles with his spoon while building his next thought. “Grief like that was love with no good place to go. It chafed at his heart until it formed a wound that couldn’t heal.”

My brothers and I remain quiet as our father sips at the wine I’d decanted earlier, suspecting we might appreciate its soothing effect.

“I was grateful that he was making good decisions again and I understand his dismay over the violent reaction towards him,” Pa continues. “I was also grateful that he bemoans the fact that Sally is facing the same backlash because of his actions. He is right in his thought that he’s not the first to person in town to make a horrible mistake. Others have cheated in business, some cheated on their wives and most have used others for their ends. Yet he never judged them as he’s being judged. I tried to encourage him by promising that it will blow over in time, but he’s adamant that he needs a fresh start.”

“Just like Ed Payon wanted,” I conclude. “There’s a divine lesson in this.”

Hoss breaks in. “The for-sale sign was gone when we rode past. We thought maybe Mr. Cass decided to stick it out after all. What happened?”

Our father’s voice strengthens again. “When I saw you at the Sazerac, I’d just come from offering the store to Rose at Will’s request. He suggested a good price with extremely comfortable terms of payment. She accepted, and I was on my way to request Will’s lawyer stop by his house to do the contract as well as handle the sale of their home. I also went to Will’s bank and asked Mr. Weems to accompany me to the house where they worked out how to handle their accounts until they find a new home. I admired that those two men helped with no evidence of judgment. They realize that no man is immune from the whirlwind change of public opinion.”

“I’m glad Rose accepted,” I offer.

“She’d have been a fool not to.” Pa grins. “The deal was so good I would have bought it if Rose hadn’t. She will do well.”

My father becomes quiet again, but I know he isn’t finished. “As hard as this decision was for Will, he saw that Rose had to put her brand on the store immediately to prevent his taint form lingering. She began alerting customers to the sale immediately and will have a sign up by tomorrow telling of a grand opening under new ownership.”

Joe surprises me when he rests his hand near mine on the table. “You were pretty broken up over all this. Does hearing of these good things ease that some?”

“Some,” I reply truthfully while giving his arm a quick squeeze. “Thank you for asking.”

Some is the perfect description. It will take some time to feel more than loss over Ed’s death. Pa worried I’d get caught in the trouble Payson brought home with him. He was never the trouble. He merely exposed the trouble in others who turned “love” into a weapon. I am still amazed that a soul aching to find grace and peace was not allowed to do so. Yet he offered just that to others.

Ed’s final verse to his ballad needs to tell of how he faced death by the gun on his own terms, not as an inevitability.

 

 

Epilogue:

It’s been nearly nine months since Ed died. Work on the ranch has kept me busy enough to sleep well without the nightmares that plagued those early days after his death. But rest eludes me tonight as I contemplate a few amazing bits of news from today.

There was an additional victim of that original gunfight between Ed and Dave. Ed’s father was shunned afterwards because the town sided with Will. This was not reflective of their belief in Ed’s guilt as much as the fact that Will Cass was the lone mercantile until the city began to grow rapidly, and he carried open accounts for most residents. Pa told me that Ed’s father did his business in Carson City to avoid the looks he got here. In making a will to leave the ranch to his son instead of selling off, he made a statement that the Payson family had the same right to live here as anyone else.

Ed barely had time to settle much less worry about writing a will, so the Payson property was considered intestate after his death. There was no known family and the process to find an heir could drag on for years before the state would claim the deed and sell the property.

A possible solution to this wait was offered to me the week after Ed’s funeral, when I received an interesting suggestion from the Malcolm, the Register of Deeds. He knew I’d paid the tax lien and that there hadn’t been time for repayment. He proposed that I held a legal lien. The taxes had accumulated for so many years that the amount I paid was greater than the actual value of the land. Malcom said he’d help write a petition for me to receive the deed as the “rightful” owner.

I recall the prophet Jeremiah “redeeming” land in Judah before the Babylonian exile to keep a remembrance of their heritage. I liked that I might redeem Ed’s property rather than letting it go to ruin awaiting disposition. Malcolm warned it could be a longshot, but then went to work covering every necessity. He even solicited affidavits from those who known the Payson’s well enough to testify that there were no known heirs to contest this disposition.

I received the deed today in “record time.” This allowed me to act on another opportunity.

Reverend James had taken me aside after church a couple weeks back to tell me of a young couple who had arrived here with a deed they’d purchased in St. Louis. Unfortunately, the land is legally owned by the Frank Family. Scoundrels back East offer deeds for vast amounts of acreage at ridiculously low prices. You would think folks would be wary of something sounding too good to be true, but the swindlers sell a dream along with the worthless document. The duped arrive to find land so rocky or arid it can’t support any sort of agriculture, or as in this case, already owned by others. My family has broken this news to newcomers on a few occasions. It’s devastating, and there’s no recourse since the swindlers are long gone before the truth is known.

Pastor James had secured jobs for them in town and got Lydia Masters to offer free board while one of her regular residents was out of town. But his reason for talking to me, was that the Hepners were farmers and he seemed to recall that I might soon own a farm I wouldn’t be using. He suggested I speak with the couple to see if they might help me while I helped them.

When I met with Leroy and Jenny, they spoke about the small farm they’d run in Missouri and their dream of making their farm here into a business. I drove them out to look at Ed’s place and was impressed with Leroy’s ideas on how to get the fields back into production.

With deed in hand, I helped the Hepners move into Ed’s small cabin today. They’ll continue working in town to build their funds, but in exchange for living rent free, they’ll keep Ed’s place in repair and use days off to get the fields arable again. I still smile when recalling Leroy’s joy at having access to the Ponderosa’s never-ending supply of manure!

If all goes well, I’ll work out a lease and finally a land contract so they can own it. Ed would approve new life and hope in his home.

And then … there was astounding news Pa received in a letter from Will Cass today. His reading of it at supper left us speechless.

When Pa and I stopped to see Will and Sally before they left, they’d been sad but hopeful, describing this as an “adventure.” Their hastily made plans included purchasing stage tickets along a southbound route towards Arizona with stops planned in towns that were growing enough to need a store.

Will’s letter named a few places they’d stopped, but none had drawn their interest. That was until their stage pulled into Castle Dome in far southern Arizona for an hour-long break on a Sunday morning. While stretching their legs in this growing mining town, they heard a hymn being sung inside a saloon. Peeking over the swinging door, they saw a church service going on inside. The preacher invited them to join the small congregation of miners, business people and few leftover drinkers from Saturday night, and with plenty of time before the stage was scheduled to leave, they stayed to hear the sermon on forgiveness.

Will said this preacher had looked directly at him while explaining how we stay mired in regrets and guilt, which in turn keeps us from humbling ourselves in confession and repentance. This keeps grace and peace from changing us into new people.

Will and Sally let the stage leave without them and sought out the minister after the service. Over the next few days, Will poured out his deepest fears and regrets to the reverend and God. He reports that he feels truly new, or maybe it’s more that he’s found the man he’d been before he allowed the tendrils of hate to secure roots in his mind and heart.

He is certain they were destined to meet Reverend Clayton in that far away desert place. Dave Clayton lived by his gun much like Ed Payson.  Also like Ed, he’d reached the decision to lay his gun down and bring life instead of death. His study for the ministry prepared him for service and he chose to travel to places in need of a shepherd instead of serving one town. He’d already planted seeds in several communities that now have thriving churches. The size of the flock in Castle Dome was growing each week as the lost sheep came seeking good news.

Will’s letter took a tone of confession to Pa and me in the final paragraphs, apologizing for his attempt to make my father take sides against me. He now sees that in ignoring Dave’s need for discipline growing up, he was forced to defend his son’s action or face his part in creating the reckless and overbearing man Dave had become. Reverend Clayton pointed out how his inability to face these truths allowed him to place the burden on Ed.

Will reported another amazing occurrence that Sunday. When they finally left the pastor in search of a place to stay, Will and Sally passed an empty mercantile. Quick inquiries revealed this one general store in Castle Dome had closed unexpectedly when the proprietor was called back East, leaving residents with a 70-mile round trip to Yuma for supplies. Will knew immediately that this opportunity fell in line with their decision to stay put. He purchased the store and is doing well.

I envision Will more as shopkeeper than a preacher, but his story of coming to light from a place of darkness is certainly impactful, which led Reverend Clayton to tap Will as the person who can best continue the congregation’s growth towards becoming a parish when it’s time for him to sow seeds in the next town.

And the final bit of jaw-dropping news was that Billy Buckley showed up in Castle Dome a month after the Cass’ settled there. His drift southward looking for a place to land had brought him to this town for supplies and a blacksmith’s service. Will took Billy to see Reverend Clayton and the two men worked out their complicated union in Ed’s death, with Billy soon making his confession just as Will had.

The kid has a job at the livery and is one of the saloon congregation’s most faithful attendees. He sets up for the service, takes Bible study with Reverend Clayton afterwards, and has offered to help Will build a church when it’s time.

In other happy news, Sally has found balance between working with Will and helping the town’s physician make weekly visits to the mining camps. Will suspects that while she remembers Ed fondly, she has made peace with that part of her life and will soon marry the good doctor.

These thoughts cause me to take a giant breath of appreciation and let my lips grow into a huge grin as I recall Will’s postscript. Apparently Reverend Clayton holds an uncanny resemblance to me. He wonders if there isn’t some underlying message in this.

When Ed died, I believed no good could come from it. I still miss the opportunity lost, but I now see how his decisions in his short time home manifested so much good.

Personally, I’ve come to concentrate on something in Ed’s last weeks on earth that I choose to emulate. He faced what he couldn’t understand about the hateful reactions against him with amazing grace and courage.

He came home expecting he’d face some lingering hard feelings. But what caused his death were things he couldn’t have expected. Will was driven as much by his perceived failures as by actual grief. Nothing Ed said or did could have breached the barrier Will had erected around heart. It was a wall only Will could demolish.

Ed assumed Billy’s threats were driven by love for Sally. But what Ed couldn’t know was that this kid wasn’t driven by love, but rather from the evil, suppressed pockets of hateful purpose left in Billy’s heart from his association with Jeb Drummond.

Not knowing what drove these men to hate him enough to want him dead, he chose to stand firm in his own convictions. He didn’t strike back. He remained calm and reasoning through it all. When he realized he had no control over the forces against him, he decided to leave life in triumph. I see more clearly than ever that fighting back never works against actions with no apparent logic. I pray I will stay as strong as Ed should I ever face a similar situation.

The wide yawn that just brought tears to my eyes reminds me that come daybreak, Joe and I are taking a small herd towards a place we’ve never gone. It’s 150 miles northeast to East Gate, a distance similar to Sacramento, but in the opposite direction. The terrain through Northern Nevada is desert and salt flats punctuated by rocky towers and canyons among barren nothingness. There are small pockets of people living in this wasteland, mostly those who came to mine for gold and then settled onto bits of tillable land or ran business to service others who remained. The gold veins have been emptied of ore, but I’ve heard of a few miners still out there chasing a bonanza.

Pa knows it will be miserable and said we shouldn’t rush home. One of our hands from up that way has often spoken about the large groups of big-horned male sheep, along with herds of ewes and lambs roaming the hills to the west of our destination. I’ve seen the occasional ram or two on a rocky slope in my travels, but never entire families.

Rather than going home by the route we take there, I’ll ride those rocky hills hoping to glimpse one of these groups. I wouldn’t mind finding a puma who’d offer his pelt to line a new winter jacket. Joe will probably seek his own manner of “fun” and agree to meet me at Pyramid Lake for a day of fishing before heading home.

No matter what Joe decides to do, I look forward a quiet journey with time to read, write, and think amid a beautiful landscape.

The End

The thought Ben uses about Will Cass’ efforts to pretend his son had been totally innocent, comes from a quote by Jamie Anderson on grief being love with no good place to go. However, in this case Will’s love became hate directed at Ed Payson.