Story Summary:  Adam is severely injured and when he wants to die, he comes face to face with his Guardian Angel, who appears several times throughout the story.  A sort of spoof of the movie “It’s A Wonderful Life”, but with a different twist.
Rating and Reader Alerts:  Rating is G even though there is pain, suffering and sickness in this story.
Words:  9,500

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The Brandsters have included this story by this author in our project: Preserving Their Legacy. To preserve the legacy of the author, we have decided to give their work a home in the Bonanza Brand Fanfiction Library.  The author will always be the owner of this work of fanfiction, and should they wish us to remove their story, we will.

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NOTE: I intended this to go under the “A Cartwright Gets Injured” fanfic challenge, but it kept growing into a longer story, so I posted it as a separate story.

DISCLAIMER:  The Cartwright characters were created by Mr. David Dortort and I claim no rights or privileges to their characterizations.  All other characters in this story are products of my imagination and any resemblance to any person whether living or dead is coincidental.

 

Thanks, Pal

******
PROLOGUE:

He was unconscious again, but for how long THIS time.  The last twenty-four hours had been a living nightmare.  More than once during those twenty-four hours he prayed that death would come.  Each time he had succumbed to unconsciousness, he thought his prayer was being answered.  But then several hours would pass and he would regain consciousness again.  Then the nausea would come and then the cold and hot chills along with profuse sweating, and then he’d begin to tremble.  And the PAIN…there was always the pain.  Several times he had to relieve himself, but the pain was too unbearable when he attempted to get up, so this time he just lay there while he relieved himself.  He was ashamed of soiling himself so wretchedly, but the pain was too great to even change positions.

His family wouldn’t even miss him for another day, and they wouldn’t even know where to start looking for him.  All this happened because he wanted a few days off to do some thinking.  As sick as he was, he could still remember that disaster of a conversation with his father, the reason for this time away………………….

******

Father and son stood toe to toe, hands on hips, each determined to have his way in the matter.

“You’re being stubborn and obstinate, Pa, and totally unreasonable!” Adam said to his father, the younger man’s dark eyes appearing even darker because of the anger he was feeling inside.

“I’M being stubborn and obstinate?  I’M being totally unreasonable?  I could say the same thing about you!”

Being a couple inches shorter than his father, Adam looked up into the older man’s eyes for a few seconds then stepped away, his back to his father.  He clasped his hands behind his neck and looked up at the ceiling.  “Calling each other names is getting us no closer to an agreement with each other,” Adam said, his voice sounding weary and frustrated.

“Well…that’s the first thing you’ve said all night that I agree with.  Now let’s just forget this notion of yours to leave the Ponderosa and become a seaman, shall we.”

Adam unclasped his hands quickly and whirled around to face his father again.  “It isn’t just a notion, Pa!  It’s a dream I have!  Surely YOU of all people can understand THAT!  It’s something I really want to do.”

Ben nodded.  “Yes, Adam, I CAN understand.  I understand all too well.  And I know it’s something you want to do, but…”

“But what, Pa?!  But WHAT?!” Adam cut in quickly, stepping closer to his father.

“I need you here at this particular time, Adam.  I’ve got three important deals I need your help with and I don’t need the added problem of my oldest son wanting to run away and…”

“Run away?!  Pa, you make it sound like I’m a child!”  Adam said in a loud voice and walked towards the staircase.  “I’m a grown man!  I’m not a child, Pa…I’m not a child!” he said as he reached the bottom step.

“Well you’re MY child!” Ben bellowed out loudly.

Adam shook his head and huffed in disgust and took a step up the staircase.  “This is getting us nowhere!  I’m going to pack some things,” he said and took another step up.

“Hold on there!” Ben said, rushing over to him.  “What are you going to do, Adam?”

Without facing his father he said, “I need a couple days to think.  I need to live my own life, Pa.  I can’t live yours or Joe’s or Hoss’, I need to live my own life.”  This he said very calmly.

“Away from the Ponderosa?  You need to live your life floundering around on the sea?”

“I need time to think, Pa.  I want to go away for a couple of days and think about everything.  Neither one of us can talk rationally to the other when we’re both in this frame of mind.  I’ll be back by noon Monday, then maybe we can sit down like two grown men and discuss this calmly and rationally.”

“Adam…”

“I need to get away to think!” Adam cut in.  He didn’t wait for his father’s answer, he just went quickly up the staircase.

“Adam…” Ben called after him, but that didn’t stop Adam.  Ben heard the door to his eldest son’s room close.

******

He had journeyed to the high country to Pyramid Lake for some fishing, then he headed over to the mountains to do some hunting.  Because the terrain was thickly wooded, he dismounted Sport and led him through the trees and brush.  He stepped carefully over fallen logs, around brush and old rotting trees, and dodged low hanging tree limbs while he walked, leading Sport.

Because his mind was so intent on the conversation he had with his father, he wasn’t paying attention to where he was walking and walked right into a low hanging limb that knocked his hat off, and scratched his face.  He bent and picked up his hat and continued to walk forward, wiping at the scratches on his face with his handkerchief.  Then it happened…He must have stepped into a trap set by a previous hunter to these woods.  He stepped onto a group of sticks that triggered the release of a small sapling that sent a spear-sharp stick deep into his leg, right above his knee.  Had he been riding his horse instead of walking in front of him, the spear-like stick would have embedded itself in Sport’s leg, crippling him, and Adam would have had to destroy his long time faithful mount.

He immediately fell to the ground, writhing and screaming out in agony, as he grabbed at the place of his injury.  He broke out into an immediate total body sweat and his hands trembled like leaves in the wind as he fumbled for, and then found his pocketknife, cutting his pants around the protruding stick.  Taking a deep breath to gain control, and though his hands still trembled, he grabbed onto the stick, set his teeth tightly together and with a quick yank, pulled on the stick.   When the stick refused to come all the way out, his screams of agony rang out through the woods and the screams seemed to bounce off the trees filling his ears with the sounds.  With his body shaking violently, he broke the stick off, leaving a small length embedded in his leg.  Only surgery by a qualified doctor could remove it, and there didn’t seem to be any within crawling distance just now.

Right now he wished someone would come along and put him out of his misery.  He believed if someone put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger, it would be a blessing.  He thought about doing it himself, but then he thought about the disgrace and shame on his father and brothers if he committed suicide, so he quickly forgot that idea.

He would just have to die from the infection his body was ravaged with.  He just wished it would hurry up and happen.  His leg, at the wound site, was swollen twice its size now and having ripped the seam in his pants leg, he could see red streaks reaching out in all directions like tentacles on an octopus, and of course there was always the pain…the constant, searing hot pain in his leg.  Oh, and let’s not forget the vomiting because of the infection.

His eyes were closed and he prayed out loud for someone to come along and relieve him of life.  All this happened just because he wanted some time away to think.  Well, he was thinking alright.  He was thinking he wished to die.

“Just send anybody, God.  Or ANYTHING…even a wild animal.  Just let me die so the suffering will end,” he pleaded, his voice cracking in pain, just before he vomited again.

He coughed and spit out the last of the vomit from his mouth and when a canteen of water was put to his lips he took the liquid willingly, though he didn’t look to see who had offered it to him, because he liked keeping his eyes closed.  “Thank you,” he managed to get out. 

With all his might he wished for death before he succumbed to unconsciousness again.

******

Things seemed to be different around him now.  He didn’t know what it was, but things were different.  His leg still hurt, and he could still feel the pain, but in a way he COULDN’T feel the pain.  He couldn’t explain it.  And he couldn’t explain how he happened to be lying on his bedroll and covered up with his blanket, his canteen nearby.  After his injury, he couldn’t even stand up to remove the saddle and roll to make himself a bed.  And he was dressed in a clean shirt with only the blanket covering his lower body.

“What’s going on here?” he said in a groggy voice.  “What’s happened?  Is anyone here?”  His eyes looked in every direction, then he saw something, from the dense stand of trees beyond him, moving towards him and he blinked several times to clear his vision. 

“I must be seeing things,” he said out loud as he stared straight ahead of him at the white, billowing-robed figure standing before him.

“Who are you?” Adam asked of the now dusty, dishelved, black-clothed stranger with three days growth of beard on his face, who sat in front of him, picking his teeth with a splinter of wood.

“Me?” the stranger said with a  finger pointing to himself.  “Oh, I’m your Guardian Angel,” he added matter of factly.

Adam gave him an incredulous look.  “You are, huh.  Yeah, well you look like the kind of angel I’d have.  A FALLEN angel if you ask ME.  You have a name?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.  Angels don’t have names.”

“Well I’d feel kind of dumb talking to an angel with no name.”

“Alright then…what name would you like me to have?” the angel asked as he proceeded to clean under his fingernails with the splinter of wood.

Adam gave his odd visitor a critical look.  “I know what I’d LIKE to call you,” he said in a mumbling tone..

The angel gasped, shook his finger at him, and said, “Shame on you.”  The angel went on to tsk-tsk him.  “I wouldn’t answer to that name even if you gave it to me.  That’s not a very nice name to be calling your guardian angel.”

“How do you know what name I’m thinking of?”

“I’m an angel…remember.”

Adam’s only reply was a look of continued suspicion.  With the help of the angel, Adam managed to haul himself up to a sitting position to lean his back against a large tree.  “You know…you look very familiar.”

“I should.  I look just like you.  That’s how we make sure we hook up with the right mortal.  We look for the one who looks like us and…POOF…there we are.”

“What do you do in the case of identical twins?”

“Oh that’s easy.  There’s TWO of us.”

“Well what happens to you when your mortal dies?”

“We find another one to look like and hook up with.”

“So you just go on and on…indefinitely.”

“That’s right.”

“Well what if I don’t WANT you to be my guardian angel.”

“It’s not a matter of WANT, Adam…it’s a matter of NEED.  You NEED me.”

“Is that a fact.  Well where were you when I needed you to keep THIS from happening,” Adam said, pointing to his wound.

“Oh I was right with you, but I LET that happen you see.  You should thank me instead of being critical of me.”

“THANK you?!  For letting this happen?!  Why should I thank you?!”

“Because you left your family to THINK, so I’m giving you the opportunity to do your thinking.  See, you really should thank me.”

“You have an answer for everything don’t you.”

“Of course I do.  I’m practically perfect.”

“You’re just about the most arrogant somebody I’ve ever met.”

“I’m not a SOMEBODY…I’m an angel…remember.  So what do you want to think about?”

“You know, pal, I don’t need you to help me think.  I know what I want to do.”

“Is that my name?”

“What?”

“Pal.  Is that the name you want to give me?  At least it’s better than that other name you were thinking of.  That one was down right shameful,” the angel said, shaking his head and giving a slight shudder.

“Alright…if it’ll make you happy, I’ll call you, Pal.  Now…PAL…will you just leave me alone.  I don’t feel like talking anymore.”

“Okay.  I’LL do the talking then…YOU just listen.”

“I don’t want to do that either.  I just want to be left alone.”

“Well, you’re kind of at a disadvantage here you know.  YOU CAN’T go anywhere and I’m NOT going anywhere, so I’m just stuck here with you.”

“YOU’RE stuck here with ME!  THAT’S a new twist.”

“I know…rather unpleasant isn’t it.   I mean I’M getting the raw end of the deal, but it’s like you mortals always say…it’s a dirty job, and somebody’s gotta do it….Er…in this case an ANGEL’S gotta do it.”

“You know you’re real funny,” Adam remarked sarcastically.  “If you don’t like being here with me, you can always leave.”

“Nooo,” Pal drawled out.  “If I left, you wouldn’t come to understand.”

“Understand what?”

“Your father.”

It was as if Pal had hit a raw nerve when Pal said that.  “Oh, I understand my father alright.  He’s stubborn…At times he’s controlling…And he treats me like a child more often than I care.”

“He’s generous…He cares, all the time…and he loves you.  He treats you like a child because that’s what you are…his CHILD.  You’ll always be his child.”

“That’s just what I mean, Pal.  He treats me like his child rather than an ADULT.”

“So you think making a rash decision to enlist as a seaman constitutes you being an ADULT?   Adults don’t make rash decisions…CHILDREN do.”

“Now you sound like HIM.  I thought since you’re MY angel, you’d be on MY side.”

“Oh, I AM, I am.  But I know a dumb decision when I hear one.  And you going to sea is a dumb decision,” Pal said, shaking his head, and adjusting his wings, which were invisible to Adam.

“Thanks a lot…PAL!”

“Oh, you’re quite welcome.”

“Oh, will you just shut up!”

“As you wish.  I’ll just sit here then.  Uh…you don’t mind if I hum or sing softly do you.”

Adam shrugged, indicating he could care less what Pal did.  “You’re going to do whatever you want to do anyway, so go ahead.”

“True enough,” Pal said and made himself comfortable by stretching out on his back with his hands behind his head.  “Ahhh,” Pal said, giving a satisfied sigh.

Adam looked over at Pal and shook his head.  “How can you possibly be comfortable on all those briars underneath you?”

Pal pointed beneath him, and Adam could see several inches of space between the angel and the briars, just like he was suspended in air.  “Remember…I’m…”

“An angel…I know,” Adam cut in.

Pal nodded his head, smiled, then placed his hands behind his head again.  “Ahhh,” Pal sighed contentedly again, crossing his feet at his ankles.

“My father really IS stubborn, you know.”

“He’s your father…that gives him that right.”

“NOBODY has the right to be stubborn.”

“Well, how do you justify YOUR stubbornness then?”

“I’m NOT.  I call it being decisive.”

“Is that a fact.  Well how would you define the word stubborn?”

Adam looked thoughtful for a few seconds, then answered.  “When someone refuses to change.”

Still floating on his back with his hands behind his head, Pal said, “That’s what YOU’RE doing.  You refuse to change your decision to become a seaman.”

Adam bristled at Pal’s comment.  “That’s different…and I thought I told you to shut up.”

“Well, YOU’RE the one who started this conversation, not ME.”

“Yeah, well, you seem to have a talent for confusing things and twisting them around.”

Pal removed his hands from behind his neck and spread his arms and palms out.  “Hey…I just see things as they really are.  There’s nothing confusing or twisted where I come from.”

Adam sighed deeply and he had a far-away look in his eyes.  “Well things get pretty confusing and twisted where I come from,” he replied quietly.

“Well…you have to deal with mortals.  I DON’T,” Pal said and placed his hands behind his head again and began to hum softly.

Adam listened to the song Pal hummed, then asked him.  “What’s the name of that song you’re humming?”

“You mean you don’t recognize it?”

“If I recognized it, I wouldn’t have asked you what the tune was,” Adam said in an annoyed tone.

Pal continued to hum as he floated contentedly on his back.

After a bit, Adam said, “That’s the same tune my mother’s music box plays.”

“Really?  Hmm, I didn’t know that,” Pal said in an innocent tone.

Adam looked over at Pal suspiciously.  “I thought you said you were perfect and knew EVERYTHING.”

Pal sat up and looked at Adam.  “No.  What I DID say was…I’m PRACTICALLY perfect and I never claimed to know EVERYthing.  You need to pay better attention to what’s being said.”  Pal shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest.  “No wonder you mortals are forever misunderstanding each other.”

“Misunderstand.  I’m more than just misunderstood.  Sometimes I think it would have been better if I had died being born.”

“Tsk-tsk…you mustn’t say things like that, Adam,” Pal admonished him with a shake of his head.

“Why not?  It’s true.”

“Well that’s your opinion, friend.  And you’re entitled to it.”

“Maybe if I had died instead of my mother, my father wouldn’t have had such a hard life trying to make a living.”

“I’m sure your father told you the story many times, Adam, but he could have stayed in Boston after Elizabeth died and reared you there.  He had a good business going for him and he could have become wealthy doing what he was doing, yet he made the decision to leave all that behind.  Was it the RIGHT decision?”  Pal shrugged his shoulders.  “Some ways yes…some ways, no.”

Adam gave his guardian angel a no-nonsense look.  “In all the years I’ve known my father, I’ve never known him to make a wrong decision.”

“What about the wrong decisions he HAS made?”

Adam cocked his head and looked at his angel sideways.  “What decisions were those?”

“Hey…it’s not my place to disclose such matters to you.  That’s your father’s place.  But we’re not talking about your father here.  This is all about YOU, and you thinking everybody would be better off if you had died and your decision to become a seaman.  Both of those are just plainly not the most sensible things you’ve ever said or decided, you know that, don’t you.  And everyone always says how sensible and level-headed you are.  Tsk-tsk.  But I guess they haven’t seen you like I’M seeing you right now.”

“And how’s that, may I be so bold as to ask,” Adam asked sarcastically.

“Alright, I’ll tell you.  I see Adam Cartwright as feeling sorry for himself; selfish and arrogant.”

Adam gave his angel a hard look.  “Remind me to invite you over when I want cheering up,” Adam said in a mocking tone of voice.

Pal, the angel, slapped his thighs with his open palms.  “Now you see…that’s just what I’m talking about!  That was an arrogant statement if ever I heard one!”

“Well you’re hard to reason with Pal.”

“Why?  Because I don’t agree with everything you say or want to do?  That makes me unreasonable?  I think it makes YOU selfish because you want things YOUR way about your decision.  And you left your family on the ruse that you needed time to think, when in reality you were feeling sorry for yourself.”

“Is there anything NICE you can say about me?  I mean after all, you’re my angel, and a fella’s guardian angel should have SOMETHING nice to say about him.”

“Oh, I could, but I’m not.  What I WILL say is, you need to draw from your father’s wisdom, Adam.  He’s been around a lot longer than you have.  Trust him and respect him.”

“I DO, but…”

“No buts.  Trust his judgment.  Besides, does it really matter when you go to sea?  Can’t you wait a few months… a few years?  Does it really matter WHEN you go?”

Adam looked at Pal and wanting to end this conversation, he said, “I really need to relieve myself…do you think you could…”  Adam gestured with a wave of his hand, indicating to Pal that he wanted him to leave while he took care of business.

“Oh, go right ahead.  It’s just us fellas.”

Adam eyed his angel suspiciously.  “Well, how do I know that you won’t pull a switcheroo on me and turn into a FEMALE angel.”

“Hey…it doesn’t work like that.  You’re a fella, you get a HE angel; females get SHE angels.  See that’s the way that works.  But if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll just scoot on over there and you can call me back when you’ve finished.”

“Thanks, Pal.”

“Nooo problem.”  Pal, the angel, stood to his feet and made his way to another area and turned his back.  Soon Adam called him back over.

“Now to pick up where we left off…Does it really matter WHEN you go?”

“I guess not, but…”

“No buts.  You can’t live for just yourself, friend.  Because those who live for themselves, live a lonely life.  Now…what about putting off that decision of yours like your father wants.”

“I suppose I could.  Alright…I’ll do as my father wishes.  I’ll wait.”

Pal, the angel, rubbed his hands together and smiled.  “Good…now that that’s settled, it’s time for me to go.”

Adam straightened at this announcement.  “Go?  Go where?  What about helping me get out of here?  What about fixing my leg for me?”

Pal spread his palms upright.  “Hey, I was sent here to help convince you to change your mind.  I don’t mess with things that require God’s help,”  Pal said, then began to back away from Adam.

Adam extended his arm and held out his hand towards Pal.  “Well…wait…you can’t just leave me here.  You’re supposed to be my Guardian Angel…you’re supposed to be watching over me.”

“I HAVE been.  I’m in your subconscious thoughts keeping your mind off your pain and nausea.  Now your family will take over.”

“But they don’t know where I am,” Adam pleaded.

“A parent knows.  When their children need them…they know.”

“But wait, Pal.  Wait!”  Adam pleaded as he saw Pal backing away then vanish into the thicket beyond.  “But I need…help.  I need…help.”  Adam lay on his back and closed his eyes.  Once again the excruciating pain overwhelmed him and he cried out, then doubled over.

******

“Here he is, boys!  I found him!”  It was Ben’s voice.  He dismounted his horse and ran over to his oldest son, who lay unconscious in his vomit.

Joe and Hoss reached Adam’s body seconds after their father did.  The sight of the oldest Cartwright son repulsed them.  Not only did Adam have several days growth of beard, but it was matted with saliva and vomit.  His hair was plastered to his head with sweat.  His clothes were dirty and torn and the pant leg covering his hurt leg was ripped up the side from ankle hem to waist.  His leg was swollen and had begun to turn a greenish color.  He lay in his own waste material.

Ben placed his fingers alongside Adam’s neck to feel for a pulse.  His two other sons looked at their father for the outcome of his finding.

“He’s alive.  Joe, bring all the canteens…we’ve got to get him cleaned up of all this filth.  Hoss…you make something we can transport him on to the nearest town.  We’ve got to get him to a doctor just as soon as we can, his leg is in real bad shape.”  Joe and Hoss nodded, then did as their father requested.

“Pal…please don’t go,” Adam said in a voice, hoarse with the lasting remains of his last bout of vomiting.  He started moving about and reaching out in front of him.  His eyes opened and he looked into two dark brown eyes looking back at him.  He was confused and troubled at seeing Pal resemble his father.

“Pal?”  Adam questioned, his eyes full of confusion, as he touched the face behind the two brown eyes looking back at him.

Ben  placed his hands on Adam’s shoulders and pushed gently.  “Lie quiet, Adam.  You can talk later.  Right now, we’ve got to fix you up here.”

“My leg…it hurts…real bad.”

“I know, son, we’re gonna get you to a doctor.  Joe…hurry up with that water,” he said as he finished removing Adam’s soiled clothing.  Joe ran the last few steps and handed one canteen to Ben.  Ben pulled off his bandana and wetted it thoroughly.  Joe did the same and together they worked at bathing Adam, removing  the filth on his body.

When they were finished cleaning him, Hoss picked him up as if he was a small child and gently carried him and placed him on the travois he had made.  Ben covered him from neck to feet with a blanket and tucked it securely around and under him to ready him for the trip into town.

“It’s about two miles to the nearest town, Adam.  We’ll get you to the doctor there,” Ben said with a loving hand on his son’s face.

Adam was so nauseated, and his fever so high, he didn’t realize anything going on around him, so he didn’t acknowledge his father.

“It won’t be an easy trip, Adam, but we’ll go slow to keep from jarring you around too much,” Ben said to him, but Adam had become unconscious again, so Ben gave the command to start.

Joe held the reins to Sport, while Hoss pulled Adam along behind Chubb.  Ben rode beside Adam to make sure everything stayed in place.  Ben thought with any luck at all they could have Adam at the doctor’s office in Lowell in an hour.

******

As Ben predicted, they reached the town of Lowell in just under an hour.  Ten minutes prior to entering the town, Adam had gained consciousness and had been screaming and writhing in agony.  They had to stop while Hoss and Joe held Adam down so Ben could lash him more securely to keep him from hurting himself more severely.

His son’s screams of pain and words of pleading to end his life so the suffering would stop, ripped at Ben’s heart.  Never had he experienced heartache like he was experiencing now.  Oh, he knew heartache…that of burying three wives, but there is no heartache like that of hearing your child, no matter how old they may be, cry out in desperation and agony and knowing there’s nothing you can do to help him.  The pain of that was almost unbearable for the older man and he nearly succumbed to breaking down, but he determined to stay strong for Adam…and for Joe and Hoss.

Ben immediately dismounted his horse and ran into the doctor’s office, and found a man sitting behind a desk going over paperwork.

“Are you the doctor here?!” Ben said as he burst through the door and faced the man.

The man nodded.  “Yes, I’m Dr. Jeremiah James.”

“Doctor, I’m…I’m Ben Cartwright and my son…My son…he’s hurt badly!”

“Bring him in,” the doctor said, and immediately stood up.  Ben  immediately ran back outside to his sons.

“Bring him!” Ben said when he reached Adam’s side and began to unlash the ropes that were binding him to the travois.  Between the three of them, they managed to pack the injured man inside and to the bed pointed out by the doctor.

Hoss placed himself over Adam’s thrashing body until the doctor administered a sedative to his new patient.  When the laudanum took effect and Adam lay still, the doctor inspected the injury.

“How did this happen?” the doctor asked.

“We…don’t know, doctor.  We found him like this,” Ben replied in choking words.

“When did it happen?”

“We don’t know that either.  He was due home yesterday at noon and when he didn’t come…we rode all night looking for him.  Can you help him?” Ben asked the doctor, who had been inspecting Adam’s injury all the while.

“Well, Mr…Cartwright, was it?”

“Yes.  Ben Cartwright, and these are my sons…Joe and Hoss and he’s my other son, Adam,” Ben said, speaking of the dark haired man on the bed.  “Can you help him?” Ben asked again.

“I’m going to have to perform surgery on his leg to remove that embedded object.  His leg is so badly infected, I can’t even tell what it is that’s in his leg.  And the sooner the surgery, Mr. Cartwright, the better.”

“His leg looks…” Ben started, then stopped.

“It is, Mr. Cartwright.  Gangrene has set in.  What do you want me to do?”

Ben looked at him dumbly.  “What do I want you to do?  I want you to make him well.”

“No.  I mean about his leg.  You do know I might have to take his leg if the gangrene is too widespread.”

“Ya mean cut it off?!” Hoss asked quickly.  “Pa, ya cain’t let ‘im do thet tuh Adam!  Ya cain’t!”

“You don’t know that you’ll have to do that, do you, doctor.  I mean, you don’t KNOW that,” Ben said to the doctor his eyes full of pain, worry and pleading.

“Your son is suffering greatly, Mr. Cartwright.  He needs all the relief he can get.  DO I operate?”

“Do what you can to remove whatever is in his leg, but the other…only as a last resort…and let me know before you…let me know first,” Ben said in answer to the doctor.

The doctor nodded.  “Very well.  I’ll do what I can.  Now…if you gentlemen will wait out in the front office, I’ll get started with the surgery.”

Ben nodded, then looked down at his son lying helpless on the bed, and brushed the dark hair back from the younger man’s forehead.  Joe and Hoss stood on either side of Ben and they could see the pain on his face. 

“C’mon, Pa,” Hoss said with a strong arm placed around his father’s shoulders.  “Let’s let the Doc work on Adam,” he added and tugged on his father.  Joe did the same and Ben and his two sons left the oldest son and brother in the care of an unknown doctor.

******

The clock on the doctor’s wall ticked away the hours while the three Cartwright’s paced and waited for news of the fourth Cartwright.  It was Hoss who broke the awful silence in the room.  “Ya want somp’n tuh eat, Pa?  We ain’t had nuthin’ since yesterdee at lunch.”

“No, Hoss, thank you.  I’m not hungry right now,” Ben said as he had stopped pacing and stood staring out the window of the doctor’s office.

Joe and Hoss exchanged glances and Joe stepped over to Ben and placed a loving hand on his arm.  “Don’t worry, Pa…Adam’s gonna be alright,” Joe said with as much encouragement as he could.

Ben looked over at his youngest and smiled but said nothing, then turned his gaze back out the window.  “He wouldn’t be here like this if I had been a better father more than a controller,” Ben commented.

“Pa, you can’t blame yourself for Adam’s accident.  It isn’t your fault he’s hurt,” Joe countered.

Ben nodded.  “Yes it is.  Yes it is.  If I had treated him like an adult instead of like my child and listened to him, he wouldn’t have gone off.”

Hoss came to stand beside his father and a concerned expression appeared on his face.  “Little Joe’s right, Pa.  Ya cain’t go blamin’ yerself fer whut happened tuh Adam.  T’weren’t yer fault.  Adam wouldn’ want ya tuh think like thet.”

“If he loses his leg…if that boy loses his leg…it’ll be MY fault,” Ben said as though he hadn’t heard either of them.

The three of them stood in a huddle when the doctor emerged from the back room.  “Mr. Cartwright…” the doctor said as he walked towards them.

Three heads turned when they heard the doctor’s voice.  Their eyes and hearts were full of both trepidation and hope as they waited in anticipation for the doctor’s prognosis.

******

Adam saw a black-clothed figure standing in the corner of the room leaning his shoulder against the wall.  “Pal, there you are,” Adam said.  “I thought you had left me.”

The one to whom he spoke, pushed away from the wall and walked near the foot of the patient’s bed.  “No, of course not.  I’ve never left you.  Not even for a minute.”

“But I thought for awhile you were my father.  I mean…I thought he found me and came to me.”

“Oh, he DID.  He brought you here,” Pal said, gesturing around the room with a wave of his arm.  “…to the doctor’s.”

“I’m at the doctor’s?  So he fixed my leg?”

“Well…he did surgery on it to remove that piece of stick still in it.  But he still has to deal with the other.”

“Other?  What OTHER is that?”

“Your leg is pretty badly infected.  He might have to…you know.”

“What?  He might have to what?  You mean amp…he might have to amputate my leg?!”

“That’s what I mean, friend.”

Adam became alarmed at that.  “But you can’t let that happen, Pal!  It feels fine!  It doesn’t even hurt now!”

“Of course it doesn’t hurt…right NOW.  You’re still unconscious, you can’t feel anything.  You don’t even know what’s going on around you.  All you know is you and me…here…talking to each other….just like when we were out in the woods.”

“But you can make my leg better, Pal.  You can make it better.”

Pal walked to stand beside Adam’s side.  “I told you…I’m just an angel.  I don’t have the power to perform miracles.  That’s God’s privilege and His alone.”

“But He’ll listen to YOU won’t He.  I mean…God will listen to YOU!”

Pal laid a hand on his mortal’s shoulder and looked into his eyes.  “I can’t do anymore than YOU or your family can, and that is to ask Him.”

“But…you’re an angel.”

“No buts,” Pal said and backed away, disappearing into the shadows before the doctor brought Ben into the room to see Adam.  Joe and Hoss followed.  Walking up to stand beside his son, Ben looked down into the face of his son, whose eyes were closed and he lay so very still.

“When will he wake up, doctor?” Ben asked.

“I’m not sure.  He had quite a heavy dose of laudanum when you first brought him in and then the ether I administered during the surgery…he could be out for quite awhile yet.”

“Could we sit with him?” Ben wanted to know.

“Of course you can.  Just call me if he starts to thrash around,” the doctor said with a comforting hand on Ben’s arm, then he was gone.

Ben, Joe and Hoss found chairs and pulled them over beside Adam’s bed and all three sat down.  Three sets of eyes looked on the face of the oldest son and brother, then looked at each other before they settled back into their chairs.  Adam’s injury weighed heavy on each of their minds.

Out in the waiting room, the doctor had told them that the removal of the object in his leg had been successful, but that it had torn a muscle and even if he didn’t have to amputate the leg, it would be likely that Adam would lose the mobility in that leg and be unable to put any weight on it, thereby rendering him crippled and more than likely confined to crutches, or a wheelchair for the rest of his life.

******

“Hey, Pal,” Adam said to his guardian angel, who stood near his head.

“Yeah?”

“Look at how worried they look.”

“That’s because they ARE worried.  Did you think they wouldn’t be?”

“No, but…”

“No buts,” Pal cut in.

“What I was going to say was, I KNOW they’re worried, but I feel Pa’s more than just worried.  It’s like he feels guilty about something.  I know that look on his face and it always means he feels guilty about something that’s happened.  But what could it be this time?”

“You mean a bright, educated boy like you can’t guess why your father would be feeling guilty at this particular time?”

Adam suddenly looked enlightened.  “You mean…you don’t mean he’s blaming HIMSELF for what happened to me?”

“That’s EXACTLY what I mean.  He feels that if the two of you hadn’t argued, you wouldn’t have left the ranch and you wouldn’t be here now, fighting to keep your leg attached to your body.”

“But he mustn’t do that.  It wasn’t his fault.  I probably would have gone off anyway, even if I HAD conceded and did what he wanted.”

“I know that and YOU know that, but you can’t convince HIM of that if you stay unconscious.  Try, Adam.  Try and wake up.  Your father needs your reassurance.  Try, Adam.  Try…”  Pal’s voice trailed off as Adam’s eyelids began to flutter slowly.

Ben sat close to Adam’s bed with his hands folded and his head face down on his hands.  Joe and Hoss sat in much the same position on the opposite side of the bed.

Adam’s eyelids continued to flutter until they remained open and he blinked hard once or twice to bring his vision into focus.  His eyes fell on the lowered white head close to his elbow and he opened his mouth to speak, but his tongue felt thick and his mouth dry as dust.

“P-Pa,” he said, his voice gravelly because his throat was scratchy and raw.  “Pa,” he said again in the same tone.

It was Hoss’ head that came up.  One look at Adam’s open eyes and he touched his father on top of his head.  “Pa, Adam’s awake,” Hoss said quietly.

Ben’s head came up suddenly, as did Joe’s.  Ben’s expression was one of sheer joy when he saw the dark eyes of his oldest son looking back at him.  He placed his hand on top of Adam’s head and patted it several times.  “Adam, son.  Adam,” Ben said with a happy smile on his face and moist eyes.  “Doctor!” Ben called out.

Almost immediately, Dr. James appeared in the room with them and stood beside the bed.

“Wa-water,” Adam choked out while Dr. James listened to his patient’s heart and checked his other vital signs.  Joe poured water in a glass from the pitcher beside Adam’s bed and placed a hand behind his brother’s head and lifted it carefully so he could drink from the glass.  Adam sipped the water and lavished the way the coolness of it bathed his dry, raw throat.

“That’s enough for now,” Dr. James said as he pulled the glass away from Adam’s lips.  “Too much at once might make him nauseated,” the doctor added.  Joe set the half full glass of water back on the bedside table.

“Do you feel like talking?” the doctor said, directing his question at Adam.  He nodded.

“That was quite a nasty injury.  I did what I could at the time, but you’re not out of the woods yet,” the doctor explained to him.

“H-how…did you…find me?” Adam asked his father in a weak and strained voice.

“Well, when you were overdue, I got worried about you and I remembered you telling me about a place you went to last time you went off to do some thinking.  So, that’s where we went first and that’s where we found you.  And it’s a good thing we did.”

“Pal said…you would know…where I was,” Adam replied.

His father and brothers looked at him curiously.  “Who is Pal?” Ben asked.

“He was there…with me.  Did you…see him?”

Ben shook his head.  “No.  We didn’t see anybody.  Who is he?”

“He’s my…guardian angel,” Adam said in a very sincere voice.

Hoss, Joe and Ben gave each other an incredulous and slightly bemused look, then Joe looked at Hoss and mouthed the words, ‘guardian angel?’  Hoss shrugged his shoulders, pointed to his head and mouthed the word ‘fever’ back to Joe, and they both nodded.

Ben patted Adam on the shoulder, not exactly knowing what to say in response to his always-level-headed son’s not-so-level-headed statement, so he just continued to pat Adam’s shoulder while he thought of something to say.  “Well, uh…Adam…why don’t you get some more rest and we’ll talk more when you’ve had more rest,” Ben said, patting his son’s arm all the while he talked to him, then started to stand up.

Adam grabbed his father’s hand, preventing him from standing.  “Wait, Pa…I have…to tell you something.”

“You can tell me later, son.  You don’t have to talk any more now.”

“No, Pa.  I have to…tell you.”

Ben continued to pat Adam’s arm.  “You can tell me later, Adam…you must rest now.”

“I won’t rest…until I…tell you.”

“Alright, Adam, alright.  Tell me what you want to say and then you rest.”

Adam nodded.  “I’m sorry…about the argument.  I’ll do…like you asked.  I’ll…wait.”  Adam closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep before Ben had a chance to reply.

Ben blinked his eyes rapidly to hold back the tears and he smiled down at his eldest son with admiration.  “You sleep now, son, then we’ll do some more talking.  You sleep now,” Ben said, his voice tight with emotion and love.

The doctor checked all of Adam’s vital signs again, then let out a sigh.

“What is it, doctor?” Ben questioned of the look on the doctor’s face and the sound of his sigh.

“His temperature is climbing and his heart rate is beginning to quicken,” the doctor answered.

“What does that mean?” Ben asked.

“It means the infection in his body is deepening and he’s running out of time.  If I don’t amputate his leg soon…” the doctor intentionally left the thought dangling.

Ben’s face grew taut in a frown.  “I need more time to decide what to do,” he said in a strained voice.

“Your son is running OUT of time, Mr. Cartwright.  You MUST make a decision.  If I don’t amputate, he’ll die.  I’ll leave you to decide, but I must stress how great a toll this is taking on your son’s health.  He grows weaker by the hour.  But it’s YOUR decision.”

“How much longer can we wait before it’s too late for you to operate in order to save his life?”

“I’m not even sure you HAVE any more time to wait.”

Ben looked at the doctor but didn’t reply.  “I’ll be out in the front office…when you’ve decided what you want me to do.  But for your son’s sake, I wouldn’t wait too long,” the doctor said and placed a friendly hand on Ben’s arm, then left the room.

The three Cartwright’s continued to stand together after the doctor left and the silence in the room was deafening.  Finally, unable to stand the silence any longer, Hoss spoke.  “What’re ya gonna do, Pa?” he said quietly.

Ben had a look of utter despair on his face and the same despair could be heard in his voice.  “There’s only one thing we CAN do, Hoss,” he replied, then looked down at his injured son.  “At least he’ll be alive,” Ben added in a voice filled with pain.

“Pa, you can’t do that to Adam,” Joe responded.  “I’m not as close to him as I am to Hoss, but I know that if you have his leg amputated, he’d rather be dead.”

“I agree with Joe, Pa.  I r’member once when I wuz jest a little feller an’ me’n Adam went tuh town with ya…Joe stayed home with his Ma cuz he was too little tuh cum ‘long…but enyway, whilst me’n Adam wuz waitin’ fer ya tuh cum back out tuh the wagon, we saw a man walkin’ down the street an’ he had only one leg.  I r’member laughin’ at ‘im and thet made Adam real mad at me an’ he tol me never tuh laugh er say nuthin’ bad ‘bout nobody like’at ever agin.  Then he said somp’n I ain’t never forgot.  He said, if he ever lost ‘is leg, he hoped they’d jist let ‘im die, cause people don’t like to look at a man with jist one leg.”

“At least he’ll be alive.  I’d rather he have just one leg and be alive, than to see him buried with two legs,” Ben said in response.

“What about what Adam would want, Pa?” Joe questioned.

“This isn’t about what Adam wants, Joe…it’s about keeping him alive,” Ben countered.

“But, Pa, you head what Hoss said,” Joe threw back at him.

“It’s MY decision, Joe,” Ben defended.

“Shouldn’ we wait til Adam wakes up agin tuh ask ‘im whut he wants, Pa?” Hoss asked with a hand on his father’s shoulder.

“He might not wake up again, if the doctor doesn’t operate.  I have to decide NOW.”

“But Pa, cain’t we wait jist a LITTLE while longer so’s we kin ask ’im,” Hoss pleaded.

“You heard the doctor, Hoss…we don’t HAVE much time to wait,” Ben countered.

“Please, Pa…Just a little longer.”  This plea came from Joe.

Ben looked at his two younger sons, then back to his eldest and nodded.  “Alright…we’ll wait a little longer,” he conceded and the three of them sat back down in their chairs beside Adam.  “While we wait for him to wake up once more, I suggest you pray that I make the right decision for him.  Or better yet, pray the infection will leave his body,”  Ben added with a great deal of emotion in his voice.

“That would be asking for a miracle, Pa,” Joe offered.

“Yes, Joseph…a miracle.  A miracle is exactly what we need,” Ben replied.  “EXACTLY what we need.”

******

“I don’t want my leg cut off, and I don’t want to die,” Adam said to Pal, who sat on the edge of his bed.

“You can’t have it both ways, friend,” Pal answered as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Don’t you have ANY influence you can use in the miracle department?”

Pal rubbed his chin with his forefinger and thumb and looked thoughtful for a few seconds.  “I MIGHT have.  All I can do is put in a good word for you.  But I can’t make any promises.”

“I understand.  Do what you can.  I just hate to see my father so grieved over something that was MY fault.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Pal said and hopped down off the bed and started to walk away, but not before Adam grabbed his arm.  “Plead for HIS sake, Pal…not MINE,” Adam said to him in a sympathetic tone.

Pal nodded his head, then slipped quietly away and vanished.

******

Ben raised his head, then stood to his feet and began to move away from Adam’s bed.  “We can’t wait any longer, boys, I have to tell the doctor my decision.”

Joe and Hoss both stood quickly to their feet beside their father.  “What have you decided, Pa?” Joe asked, and both he and Hoss looked at their father for his answer.

“I want Adam alive.  I’m going to tell the doctor to do the surgery…and hope I made the right decision for him.  But more than that, I hope Adam forgives me for making it.”  Ben left quickly before Joe and Hoss had a chance to respond, but they followed their father out into the front office to where the doctor was.

******

After Ben told Dr. James of his decision, the doctor placed a sympathetic hand on Ben’s shoulder and spoke kindly to him.  “I know this is a difficult decision for you, Mr. Cartwright.  I wish the medical field was more advanced for situations like this, but unfortunately it isn’t.  I wish I didn’t have to take your son’s leg, but sadly…there’s no other way to save his life.”

Ben nodded, knowing that what the doctor was saying to him was true.  The doctor squeezed Ben’s arm, then went into Adam’s room and closed the door behind him.  Ben stood and stared at the closed door for several seconds before Joe and Hoss came with an arm around his shoulders leading him to a chair.  He sat down and closed his eyes and hoped and prayed he had made the right decision.

******

The time passed slowly for the three Cartwright’s waiting in the front office.  The only words spoken were from Hoss to his father telling him that everything would be alright.  When they heard the door to Adam’s room open, they immediately stood to their feet and turned their attention that way.  The doctor came out of Adam’s room and found three pair of very tired eyes, full of worry looking back at him.

“Your son’s awake.  You can go in and see him,” Dr. Jeremiah James said as he looked into Ben’s distressed eyes.

“How’s he taking it?” Ben asked.

“Go on in,” the doctor replied and urged Ben inside the room.  Joe and Hoss followed their father, and the doctor followed them.

Ben hurried to Adam’s bedside and put a smile on his face for Adam’s benefit.  Two bright, dark eyes looked back at him and a smile graced his handsome face.

“Pa,” Adam said in greeting.  “The Doc says I’ll be up and around in no time,” Adam added, his voice strong and sure.

Ben smiled at his son and at the good spirits he seemed to be in.

“Of course you will,” Ben agreed in an encouraging tone, then he stood back and looked at his son’s face.  “I’m so glad you’re in such good spirits, son…I was afraid after the doctor told you about your leg, I thought maybe you would react differently.”

“React differently?  When I was out in the woods, I knew my leg was bad and for awhile I thought I might even lose it, but Dr. James tells me…”

“MIGHT lose it?” Ben interrupted him.  “Doctor, didn’t you…” Ben whirled around and faced Dr. James, who had a big smile on his face.

“I didn’t have to take his leg, Mr. Cartwright.  When I was cleaning and preparing his leg for amputation, I noticed the swelling had begun to go down and his temperature and heart rate returned to normal and I could even see signs of fresh new skin beginning at the wound site.  It seemed as if the dam of infection in his body burst and his own healing process took over.  Your son is very lucky, Mr. Cartwright.”

“Lucky?” Ben replied and his eyes became moist.  “I’d like to think we had help from Above,” he said quietly and reverently, and turned his eyes upward and said a silent prayer of thanks.

“What about the muscle in his leg, doctor?  You told me the muscle in his leg was damaged,” Ben said, in a hopeful tone.

The doctor shrugged his shoulders.  “Well, all I can say is, his guardian angel must be pretty fond of him.  THAT might heal normally too.  Now…everyone out…my patient needs rest.”

Ben, Joe and Hoss looked at each other and then at Adam.  “Now that we know you’re going to be alright,  I’m suddenly very hungry,” Ben said to Adam.

“Now yer talkin’,” Hoss said, rubbing his hands together briskly.  “I could eat a ton a-food.”

“You can ALWAYS eat a ton of food,” Adam teased.

Joe cackled out his laugh and Ben joined in.  “One more remark like thet, older brother, an’ I’ll…” Hoss said with a mock look of hurt on his face.

“You’ll WHAT?” Adam chimed in.

“I’ll eat yer supper too,” Hoss said with a laugh and a playful, loving cuff to Adam’s shoulder.

“Come on boys,” Ben said as he placed an arm around Joe and Hoss.  “Let’s get something to eat and let your brother rest.”

“Yeah, but first I want to know one thing, Adam,” Joe responded.

“What’s that?”

“When you were out of your head earlier with fever, you said when you were in the woods that your guardian angel was with you,” Joe snickered.  “What I want to know is…do you really believe in guardian angels?”

“Guardian ANGELS?! Come on, Joe, I’m a grown man,” Adam answered, though a glint of  knowing amusement shone in his eyes.

Joe shrugged his shoulders.  “Just thought I’d ask,” Joe replied as the three of them left Adam’s room and closed the door behind them.

When his father and brothers were gone, Adam settled himself in the bed for resting and closed his eyes.  Beside Adam’s bed stood Pal with his arms crossed over his chest and a big smile on his face.  He looked down at Adam and touched two fingers to his forehead and said, “Til next time, friend.”  Then Pal exited the room and at the same time, Adam felt a slight breeze blow across his face.  He opened his eyes, smiled, and said, “See you ‘round, Pal.”  He closed his eyes again and drifted off to sleep.

******

Epilogue:

The trip back to the Ponderosa was a difficult one for Adam because of his leg.  It was very stiff and sore and he had to be helped on and off his horse for the entire trip.  Dr. James had assured him that with proper rest and taking his recovery slowly and not putting too much strain on his leg and with proper strengthening exercises, the muscle in his leg would repair itself and return to normal with time.

Joe and Hoss had already retired to bed and Adam was stretched out on the settee reading, but looked up when his father, from his chair by the fireplace, spoke his name.

“This would be a good time for us to talk, son, now that you’re home and seem to be improving every day.”

Adam closed his book and placed it in his lap.  “What do you want to talk about?”

“Well…when you were so sick, I did a lot of thinking about that argument we had before your accident.”

“Oh, I’ve forgotten all about that, Pa.”

“No, now hear me out.  I was wrong in trying to make you do as I wanted.  I only saw you as my child, instead of an adult.  An adult who needs to live his own life…make his own decisions and mistakes.  As a father, I wanted to protect you from what I believed to be a mistake, but I realized I was the one who made the mistake by not allowing you to decide for yourself what you wanted to do with your life.  I’m sorry, Adam.  From now on I’ll try to treat you like an adult with adult ideas, and I’ll only offer my opinion when you ask for it.  And you can come to me ANYTIME for ANYTHING.  I hope you know that.”

Adam nodded.  “Thanks, Pa.  You don’t know how much that means to me.  I’ve been doing a lot of thinking myself.  I was selfish in wanting things MY way or NO way.  I was also thinking that my wanting to become a seaman is a dream I have, but one that can be realized at ANY point in my life…and not necessarily at THIS particular time.  So with that said,  I’m going to postpone realizing that dream and hang around here for awhile longer.  That is, if you can put up with me,” Adam said with a slightly lopsided grin and a gleam in his eyes.

Ben smiled at him and said, “I think I can endure you for awhile longer.”

Father and son exchanged loving glances, then Ben stood and squeezed Adam’s shoulder then took his coffee cup into the kitchen.

Adam raised his eyes upward and smiled and said, “Thanks, Pal…wherever you are.”  He picked up his book and began to read where he left off.

From high Above, Pal touched two fingers to his halo and said, “Noooo problem, friend.  No problem.”

THE END
February 2003