Synopsis: Ben is on a trip with his three sons and is forced to choose between them who must live or die.
Rating:  PG
Words:  14,500

---

The Brandsters acknowledge that the authors are the owners of their stories.  Should an author included in the project reach out to us and indicate they do not wish their work to be archived in the Bonanza Brand Fanfiction Library, we will remove their stories.  We would also be happy to change the e:mail address for any authors who wish to continue to have their stories archived in the Library.

---

 

(Note: This is my first Bonanza story. It is not historically or geographically detailed and the other characters are of my own invention. My concentration was on the Cartwright family. I hope you like it! My apologies to any history experts.)

 

Favorite Son

Chapter 1

Ben Cartwright awoke to a crisp breeze and the scent of fresh coffee wafting through the air. The birds sang sweet songs and huge pines rustled softly overhead. Life was good. He smiled.

Smack!

“You little…” from his son Adam.

“You’re nothing but a…” from his son Joe.

“I’ll show you, you spoiled rotten…” Adam again.

Ben pursed his lips and rolled over so he could watch the scene from whence the noises came. There they were – his oldest and his youngest, entwined on the ground, punching and pulling each other.

“I’ve got mind to knock both your heads together!” Ben’s middle son Hoss, said from the sidelines. Ben wished Hoss would do just what he threatened.

Adam regained footing and dragged Joe up by his collar until they were both standing. He shook Joe as he yelled at him. “You ever hit me like that again and I’ll break your neck! Do you understand?”

Joe still scrambled for his brother’s face, but Adam held him. “I’ll hit you however I want to hit you! Understand that?!”

Ben climbed from his bed of pine needles reluctantly. “ENOUGH!!!” he bellowed and trudged over to them. They both looked at him, their chests heaving, their faces dirty. Joe’s shirt was torn.

Joe offered an explanation. “I had to, Pa! First thing this morning, he starts in on me! You know me – I can’t take that first thing! I need time…”

Adam rolled his eyes. “You need a lot more than time.” he said, then threw Joe to the ground.

“There! You see that, Pa? How’d you like to wake up to someone like him first thing in the morning?” Joe said, brushing himself off as he stood.

“No, I get to wake up to something far more pleasant, don’t I? The sound of my sons behaving like little children.” Ben said. “I am tired of this constant bickering! Now get that fire out, Joseph, and get packed.”

“Oh, so what’re you gonna do? Take his side again, like you always do?”

“I said MOVE!!!”

“You always chose Adam!”
“Joseph, I don’t want to hear another word out of your mouth for the rest of the morning!”

Joe shot Adam one last angry look before leaving. Adam smiled smugly.

“You’ve got nothing to smile about, young man.” Ben whispered. “Joseph has an excuse for acting like a child. You don’t. You have been sarcastic and nasty since we left and I will tell you right now, it better stop. Do you understand?”

Adam only looked at him, blankly.

“Do you, Adam?”

“No. I’m an idiot.” Adam said, his face void of expression.

Ben felt anger well in his throat. “You may be 27 years old, but you’ll never be too old for me to take you down a notch or two.” Ben said. “You better remember that…boy.”

Adam said nothing and left for his horse, which was already packed and ready. Guilt filled Ben as he watched his son cinch his saddle. He should have never called Adam a boy – not in that tone, anyway. Adam always did as much as he could to help – had since he was a youngster and had spent much of his childhood working and raising his brothers. Where Hoss and Joe had always been allowed to be boys, Adam never had the privilege. Ben knew it was wrong of him to ever use that word in speaking to his oldest son.

“Where are you going?” Ben said, his tone much softer than moments ago.

Adam threw on his black vest and jumped into his saddle. “I’ll meet you up ahead.” he said and clicked the black mare’s flank. The horse tore into the open meadow.

“Adam!” Ben protested, but was ignored. He watched his son ride away, then turned to Hoss. “What is into this family that we can’t go on simple trip without an argument?”

Hoss smiled apologetically. “Sorry, Pa.” he said. “Adam wants stuff this way and Joe wants it that and they’re both stubborn as mules.”

“Well…try to get along from here on in – all of you. We’ve got another day before we get home and I’d like it to be a pleasant one.” Ben sighed. “If possible…”

 

Chapter 2

Springtime in the mountains was breathtaking and the journey through them served to dissipate some of the tension of the morning. Each of his sons had paused more than once to gaze over the lush green valleys and at each stop, Ben watched the anger from their young faces slowly drift away.

Hoss was the only one who spoke to him as they rode. Hoss was the only one who spoke at all. Ben silently thanked God for him – his gentle giant, the one he counted on to serve as a buffer during disagreements. Hoss was a brute of a man, well over 6 feet tall and coming close to 300 pounds. He had the strength to kill a grown man with his hands. But Hoss carried a tender kindness in his soul – an empathy not just for other people, but for all living things. Ben remembered him bringing home a nest of abandoned ducklings when he was a boy. Those ducklings slept in the boy’s bedroom and followed him around the yard like he was their mother. Hoss cried for days when one took ill and died. Fifteen year old Adam had prepared a funeral for the little duck and Hoss, with tear stained cheeks and chubby arms hugged his older brother and told him ever so gratefully how much he loved him. Ben remembered how Adam nodded shyly and slipped quietly away.

People outside the family found Adam the hardest to get to know. The young man rarely showed his feelings, but Ben knew Adam still experienced emotions as deeply as the next man. He was cautious and reserved, but never cold hearted. He’d been hurt many times in his young life in losing not one, but three mothers. Ben had often overlooked him in favor of the younger two, who always needed him more than Adam ever had. But Adam held no flaws as a result of his unfortunate childhood. He had grown into an intelligent and thoughtful young man – unafraid of hard work or tough situations, dependable, responsible and honest. Adam amazed Ben. He took his morality seriously and battled often for it. Adam was regarded highly throughout the territory and Ben grew proud at the very mention of his name.

Joseph was a different matter. Not that Ben held no pride in him – on the contrary. Ben marveled at his youngest son’s vitality and exuberance. He was quick and lithe and constantly on the go. Lately, however, Joseph was gathering a reputation as a hothead and a lady killer. Where Adam and Hoss shied away, Joe would move right in. Joe was quick with any emotion, be it anger or desire. He would fight anyone who crossed him without a thought of consequences. On the other hand, Joe was friendly and full of laughter. He loved as deeply as he was angered. And Joe brought a happiness to the Ponderosa that would be absent had he never come along.

“Now see, boys?” Ben spoke with love overflowing from his heart. “Aren’t you glad Hoss talked us into riding home instead of taking the stage?”

Hoss beamed. Joe and Adam both muttered something Ben could not hear. Hoss had heard them though and he scowled at his brothers. Ben noticed this and sighed.

“Joe, what did you say?” Ben said, his smile loving and calm.

“Why are you asking me first and not Adam?”

“Because.” he said. Ben tried to ward off any frustration, but his smile became frozen and false. “I’m asking you first.”

“What he said was a lot worse!”

“Joe, why don’t you have a temper tantrum right here in front of us so we can see just how mature you’ve become?” Adam said.

“I’m glad I’m not mature if you’re an example of it.” Joe said. “You’re nothing but a mean, rotten, son of a…”
“JOSEPH!!!” Ben trotted his horse over to his young son and grabbed his arm roughly.

“What? I didn’t say it!!!”

“You listen to me, Joseph. When we get home, you’re going to be in so much trouble… Why, I ought to take my belt to you right here. If you ever…”

“Maybe if you had done that a long time ago, he wouldn’t be acting this way now.” Adam said.

Shocked, Ben turned to his oldest who sat straight and unflinching in his saddle.

“Are you questioning how I’ve raised my son?”

“Well…” Adam shrugged. “Maybe he’s just the favorite.”

The other two froze and their eyes widened. No one uttered a peep. Even the birds stopped singing. Rage welled within Ben and he moved towards Adam who pursed his lips with indifference.

“What did you just say, Adam?” Ben said.

Adam looked straight at him. “Ask Hoss. He knows.”

Hoss looked at him sheepishly and swallowed hard. “Pa..just sometimes in families..the baby gets special treatment…it’s just how it is…sometimes…y’know?”

“Adam’s the one who gets special treatment, not me!” Joe yelled. “He’s the favorite!”

“I have no favorites, young man!” Ben said.

Adam rolled his eyes which was one time too many for Ben. He felt himself lose control of his temper.

“Adam, I am so tired of you that I don’t want to look at you until we get home! OR the two of you, for that matter!”

Hoss perked. “Uh…what’d I do, Pa?”

“It doesn’t matter what you did!!!!” Ben screamed. He knew he sounded like a raving lunatic, but he did not care. “I don’t want to be around any of you, do you understand me?!? Three wonderful sons, BAH! The next person who says that to me is going to get a pop in the mouth!!!!”

Ben raced up the trail, leaving his sons behind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The three brothers sat upon their horses looking guiltily at one another.

“I still don’t get why he’s mad at me, too.” Hoss said watching the trees his father disappeared into.

“What’d you go and say that for, Adam?” Joe said.

“Yeah! What the tarnation is wrong with you anyway?” Hoss said.

“Really!” Joe said. “You’re much meaner than you usually are.”

Adam scowled at his little brother, but Joe’s devilish grin made him smile despite himself.

“Maybe I’m just tired, that’s all.” Adam sighed. “It’s not always easy being the oldest.”

“Why? Being the oldest would be great! I’d trade places with you any day.” Joe smiled. “And the first thing I’d do would be to order you around.”

“Yeah and if I were the youngest, the first thing I’d do would be to argue about anything you told me.” Adam smirked.

Gunfire exploded in the distance, halting their conversation. They stopped their horses in an effort to hear better. Faint far away screams intermingled with the gun blasts.

“What’s going on, Adam?” Joe said.

“I don’t know.” Adam said. “But, I heard there’s been problems between certain tribes and settlers around here lately. I think the government is trying to relocate the Indians yet again.”

Their father crested the knoll out of breath.

“Adam?” he said.

“Trouble, Pa.” Adam said.

All four turned their heads towards the sounds.

“Them’s women’s screams.” Hoss said.

And without another word, the four men brought their horses to a gallop towards the people in need.

 

Chapter 3

 

Joe Cartwright was not prepared for the sight that befell him as he stared from the rocky ledge. Seven or eight wagons lay below in the valley, some overturned, some burning. Horses and oxen scattered the meadow in a panic, most of them heading for escape into the woods. A dozen or so bodies lay in the grass, some in long skirts that blew up in the breeze.

Dogs barked at the attackers, dark-skinned riders on horses who used rifles and bows to take down most of those who remained standing. In the middle of the carnage was a huddle of women and children. Joe could hear them crying.

“We’ve gotta help them!” Hoss panted.

Adam squinted. “I don’t see any other choice.”

Joe realized the chances his brothers were taking if they were to attempt a rescue. He wanted his father to tell them no, but Adam and Hoss tore down the hill at breakneck speed with their guns wielded before anyone could say another word.

“Joseph, don’t you move.” his father said.

“But, I…”

“STAY HERE!!”

With no other instructions, his father raced to join his brothers. Joe watched from above as his family rode into the thick of the fighting. Two Indians fell from their horses. Joe chewed his fingernails and began to pace until he could take it no more. He went for his horse, but was stopped with a knife to his throat. He felt his gun belt slide from his hips.

“Get on horse.” said the voice from behind him.

Joe’s fear took hold and he felt his insides shake as he rode down with his captor to his family. When they reached the scene, the fighting had almost stopped. The only shots fired came from behind an overturned wagon and there, Joe saw Pa, Adam and Hoss with 3 other men. Joe exhaled in relief as he realized they were unhurt. His family saw him and rose in concern.

“Surrender your guns, white men or we kill young one.” his captor said.

They did as they were told without protest and threw their guns to the ground. The six men came from behind the protection of the wagon and Joe was cast off at their feet. Hoss helped him up and the huddle of women and children ran blinded by panic and tears to the presumed safety of the remaining men.

“Running Bear!” his father yelled.

“Running Bear?” Joe asked.

Adam leaned into him. “Pa saved his life a long time ago…”

The Indian looked at him then nodded once. “Ben Cartwright.”

“Yes, it’s me, Running Bear. You told me many years ago that you were in debt to me and that someday you would repay me. I ask you to do that now and spare these lives here today. You have killed enough.”

“You ask too big a favor Ben Cartwright. I am not one who decides whether you live or die. Our leader, Dark Wolf will choose.”

Joe’s father looked back at the group and sighed. A woman cried on Hoss’s shoulder and Adam held a little girl to his chest. A young boy took Joe’s hand. Joe smiled down at him and squeezed the small hand tightly. “It’ll be ok.” Joe whispered. “My Pa won’t let anyone else be hurt.”

“You follow now.” Running Bear said.

The group walked through the bodies and accompanied the Indians who rode on horseback. Two warriors rode behind the group of refugees. Joe counted 14 children, 7 women and 7 men including his family. No one came to take the boy from him or the tiny girl from Adam. Their parents must’ve been killed. Joe watched Adam as he walked beside him, slightly stunned at his older brother who whispered and cooed and rubbed the little girl’s back who kept her face hidden in his chest as she wept. What a good father he will make, Joe thought, and how lucky I have been to have him as my brother. He smiled at him in admiration and Adam reached over and pinched his arm affectionately.

Within a few hours, they reached the Indian camp. Twenty or so teepees lined the riverside in deceitful serenity. Had it been any other day, Joe would have thought it a cheerful sight. Any experience he’d ever had with the Indian race had been pleasant. Today, however, it was horrifying.

The tribe gathered quickly to see the prisoners as if they were a parade on the fourth of July. Women and men, children and elderly all circled the 28 white captives with curiosity. Joe pulled his boy close to his side.

“Children not die.” Running Bear said and motioned for the women to take them from the party.

Adam’s little girl screamed pitifully as she was pulled from his arms and Adam tried his best to reassure her. Joe saw tears in Adam’s eyes as they scuttled her into the crowd. He had never loved his brother so much. Joe was frightened for him, for all of them. Joe noticed he still held onto his young friend.

“How old are you?” Joe said in his ear.

“Eleven.”

“Then you need to go with them now.” Joe said.

“No! I want to stay with you!”

“You’ll be safe with them, not with us.”

“Hey!” Hoss yelled. “You forgot one!”

Hoss raised the boy up above their heads and an old Indian brave smiled graciously at Hoss before leading the youngster away. The kind man’s smile eased Joe’s fear slightly. Not all of them were out to do harm.

“Running Bear!” his father called. “Beg your chief. Save the lives of my sons and these people.”

“Women become slaves. Others die if Dark Wolf desires.”

The women protested at first, but went peacefully once reminded they would be rescued in time. They left and the crowd of tribes people dissipated, leaving the Cartwrights and the other men guarded by only a few braves. Joe sat down on a rock. He looked up at his family. No matter how much he made fun of Hoss or how much he fought with Adam or how many lectures his father gave him, the thought of one of them dying was unthinkable. Joe closed his eyes and began to pray.

 

Chapter 4

 

“Ben Cartwright, since you have been long friend to our people, Dark Wolf has allowed your freedom.”

The four Cartwrights exhaled together. It had been a long two hours and Ben thanked God for his good graces.

“Let’s go boys…” he said and herded them in front of him. He looked towards the other men. “We will be back for you.”

“Choose one son, Ben Cartwright.” Running Bear said, stepping in front of them. “One son must die.”

Ben stopped short and smiled in disbelief. The tribe once again began to gather around them and the men from the wagon train were dragged violently away. Ben pondered the men’s fate, but grew anxious for the fate of his sons.

“Come on, boys.” he said sternly.

The braves that encircled them raised their rifles and bows.

“They ain’t kiddin Pa.” Hoss said.

“This is absurd!” Ben yelled.

“Choose one son, Ben Cartwright, to replace lost son of Dark Wolf. Many moons ago, he watched as white man take his son with a rope and a tree.” Running Bear said. “You choose one son of yours to take away his pain, then Dark Wolf allow freedom to you and other two.”

“I am sorry for your loss, Dark Wolf, but killing one of my boys will not bring your son back to you.” he said. “I shall take my three sons and leave with them now.”

Two warriors grabbed each son and Adam, Hoss and Joe all stood with knives to their throats, their arms held tightly behind them.

“You choose, Ben Cartwright or all three die and you leave here no children!!!” Running Bear yelled.

“I will not!!!” Ben roared.

“This is favor to Running Bear that Dark Wolf allow two to live! He will take all three if you do not choose!”

Panic gripped Ben’s heart. He sought out the man whose orders Running Bear repeated and found him, standing steadfast and tall amongst his people. Ben pleaded with his eyes, but the old chief’s stare remained dead and black. Ben looked back at Running Bear and the Indian looked away in shame.

Ben’s breath sped as his eyes darted between his sons. Little Joe stood wide-eyed and frightened. Ben knew the boy would cry soon. Only sixteen, he had lived so little, yet was so full of life. Ben longed to soothe him and rock him, like he did so many times before so long ago. He was almost a grown man, but to Ben, Joe was still a child. As Ben stared at his youngest, he knew to choose Joseph would mean his own life would end as well.

Hoss stood angry, his huge fists clenched in fury, his eyes glued to his brothers’ captors. Rage was rare in Hoss and only showed itself when harm came to others. The boy’s heart was bigger than his head. Choosing Hoss was not a possibility. He could not allow himself to rid the world of so kind and true a man.

Adam was the only one whose eyes showed no emotion. His gaze was stoic and fixed on his father. Ben knew his thoughts, knew Adam would demand to be chosen for he was the oldest and no matter how irritated he became by them, he always tried to take his brothers’ suffering upon himself. How logical, Ben thought, to chose Adam. But as Ben gazed upon his face and saw in it the intelligence and honor of a king, he knew he could never choose his beloved firstborn son.

“Choose now, Cartwright, or we kill all 3.”

“Pa.” Adam spoke up just as his father had predicted. “Get them out of here while you’ve got the chance.”

“Pick me, Pa and take Joe and Adam.” Hoss said. “It’ll be OK.”

“I’m the oldest!” Adam yelled at Hoss. “I’ll be the one to be picked!”

“Ain’t no way, big brother, that I’ll leave this place without you!”

“Pa!” Joe yelled. He was crying. “You need Adam and you need Hoss…pick me!”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Adam yelled.

“What are you foolish, boy?” snapped Hoss.

Ben’s heart raced and he began to feel dizzy. A horrible sensation came over him and he felt he was in a dream, some terrible nightmare. He couldn’t think, couldn’t speak, couldn’t figure a way out.

“Pa.” Adam said. He was the only one still calm. “Dark Wolf is going to change his mind and kill all of us if you don’t choose. Now tell them you pick me and get out of here!!!”

Ben took a few steps towards Dark Wolf, but was stopped by the rifle barrels of two young braves.

“I know you have been mistreated by our people, Dark Wolf. I know there has been much suffering for you and for this, I am sorry.” Ben said, his voice shaking. “But you must find some other way. You must.”

Dark Wolf shook his head solemnly. “One of you must die.”

“Then take me, Dark Wolf!!!” Ben yelled at him. “I choose myself!”

“NO!” his boys screamed together.

“Dark Wolf want life who will bear children, life equal to life his son lost.” Running Bear spoke for his chief. “Dark Wolf want son to die, not old man. You choose one now or we take all three.”

Ben watched in horror as his sons were each sliced slowly from eye to ear. They all cried out and blood flowed down their right cheeks.

“PA!” Adam yelled, his voice now unsteady. “Get them out of here, NOW!!!”

Three white horses equipped only with bridles were led to Ben.

Running Bear looked at him harshly.

“Put each living son upon a horse, then take one yourself and ride out with them. Do not come back for dead son or you will all die.”

Ben looked at his boys once more. Joe’s freeflowing tears now mixed with his blood. The boy cried for him, “Pa…Pa…”. Water clouded Ben’s eyes. He tried to decide. Adam, no Hoss, no Joe, no Adam, no… It was no use. Ben decided it would be better if the four of them died together rather than leave one to die alone.

“Kill them.” Dark Wolf said softly.

“NOOOOO!!!!” Ben screamed. He ran quickly to Joe, hardly able to breathe. His heart pounded in his ears. “Joseph, get on the horse!”

“Pa, no!” he cried. ” I can’t! Please…”

“Joe, little buddy, get on the horse.” Hoss coaxed.

“NO!” Joe yelled. Spit flew from him as he spoke. “I can’t leave you!”

“GET ON THE HORSE NOW, JOE!!!” Adam ordered.

“Come on, son.” Ben said.

Joe was pushed towards his father. He stumbled into Ben’s arms. “Pa, I can’t. I can’t leave either of them. Please, Pa. Please! Don’t make me go!”

“Get on the horse, Joseph and do it right now.” Ben said.

“But, Pa! PLEASE!!!” he bawled.

“Don’t you know you’re making this harder for me?!?!?!” Ben howled.

With that, Joe hung his head, his sobs racking his body as he walked slowly to his new horse. He mounted barebacked and took the reins.

“Adam!” he cried, tears streaming over the dried blood on his cheeks.

“You go, Joe.” Adam smiled as best he could. Ben saw Adam’s body shake slightly as he sighed in relief.

“I love you, Adam! I do!”

“I know you do, kid.” Adam said. “I’ve always known.”

Ben slapped the horse’s rump as hard as he could. It took off with Joe out of camp. Ben fell to his knees, his back to Adam and Hoss.

“One more, Ben Cartwright.” Running Bear said, standing above him.

“I beg of you, Dark Wolf, Running Bear…I beg you! Take me, take my land, take my money, take anything, but let my sons leave here.” he bowed to the chief’s feet. “Please! I will do anything you ask. Anything!”

“Kill both.” Dark Wolf said.

“NOOO!! DEAR GOD, NOOO!!!” Ben cried and scrambled to his feet. He looked at his boys, then looked to the sky. “Dear Lord, what have I done to deserve such punishment? How can you try my faith with my sons?”

He walked towards them as if he were drunk. Hoss. Adam. Hoss. Adam. He looked at Adam and Adam nodded, then walked to him and ran his hands over his face. Adam’s blood streaked across his right palm. Ben kissed him and held his head to his chest tightly.

“Oh dear God in Heaven! My son.. my beautiful son…” his tears fell into Adam’s black hair and Adam looked up at him.

“I understand, Pa.” he said softly. “It had to be me.”

He touched his son’s face lightly. So young, so strong, so good… Ben wept heartily.

“Get on the horse, Hoss.” he heard Adam say, but Ben was too stricken to look over.

“NOOOOO!!!” Hoss screamed, he spoke in between his own heavy sobs. “Pa, don’t! Don’t let them take Adam!!”

They threw Hoss to the ground and began to pry Adam from his father. Each time they moved Ben’s hand away, the other hand would grasp some other part of the young man. Ben tried to pull him into his chest and hold him there. “No, no, no,no,no,no,no…”

“ADAM!” Hoss’ tears were frantic. “Adam, No!!!”
When Adam was finally pulled free of him, Ben saw for the first time a flash of fear in his brave son’s eyes. Ben’s mind snapped. He shouldn’t have chose him. Not Adam. Not Adam. He ran towards him, screaming through his sobs. “ADAM!!!” he yelled. “MY SON!!”

A young brave brought his rifle butt up and drove it into Ben’s stomach. He buckled to the ground in pain. He looked up to watch as Adam was slowly engulfed into the thickening crowd of tribes people who began to chant. Ben’s breath slowly returned as he watched them all disappear into the makeshift village.

“Go now, white man.” Dark Wolf said. “Go and tell this to your people so they remember and leave this land!”

Ben was in a deadened shock. He ignored Dark Wolf and ignored Running Bear. Hoss still wept on the ground, but Ben paid no attention to him either.

“Cartwright son.” Running Bear said. “Lead your father from here or he will die.”

Hoss rose slowly and took his father’s hand. “C’mon, Pa…C’mon…”

“Is my son already dead?” Ben said emotionlessly.

“Soon.’’ Running Bear said. “He will be dead before you can return to your kind. Leave here now, Ben Cartwright. Red Eagle will lead you both. Go with him or I kill you myself.”

“Then you would do me a favor, Running Bear.” Ben said. “For I am worse than dead right now.”

 

Chapter 5

Hoss Cartwright had tried to no avail to get his father on his horse, but the man looked through him as if he weren’t there. He didn’t speak and didn’t move – almost as if he were a statue. Hoss could not reason with him nor budge him.

“Lead father now.” Red Eagle said after many minutes of watching them in amusement. “Or I kill you both, then not miss fire.”

“Fire?” Hoss said, quietly, his throat growing thick and dry. He stepped closer to the Indian, not wanting his father to hear.

“Brother burn at stake.” Red Eagle said.

Hoss felt his feet go out from under him and his sight grew dim. He felt as if someone had clubbed him, but of course no one had. The horror was too much to comprehend and too much to bear. How could they go on? How could they ever learn to live again knowing…. He glanced back towards the teepees, the chatter worsening, growing louder, more urgent. Smoke began to billow above the thicket of brush on the far side of the camp.

His pa stood only feet away from him, studying his own hands and muttering about chores that needed to be done at the ranch. Hoss never dreamed he’d see the day when a man so strong and so stable would lose all track of reality. With his father like this and Joe long gone, Adam’s life rested solely upon his shoulders. Thankfully, Red Eagle was preoccupied with the happenings at the village and kept his eyes on the fire in the distance. With all his strength and in one quick flash, Hoss drew up two closed fists and nailed Red Eagle between his legs. The Indian bowled over, writhing in pain. Hoss stole the knife from Red Eagle’s belt and sliced his neck.

“Now you’ll see your damn fire!” Hoss said.

“Hoss!” his father snapped at him. “Tell Adam that we’ll need some cracked corn for the chickens. He needs to pick it up when he goes into town.”

Hoss glanced at him then searched the dead Indian and found a pistol and another knife. He scrambled back to his father.

“Tell your brother to get out of that bed, Hoss! I told him he’d sleep all day if he stayed out ‘til all hours of the night! I didn’t even hear when he came home – did you?”

“Pa!” Hoss shook him. “Listen to me, Pa!”

“Adam doesn’t want to ride back from Salem, Hoss. I don’t know if we should go if he…”

Hoss slapped him across the face and Ben jerked his head up to listen.

“Pa. I can save Adam! I can save him! But you gotta help me, Pa. We gotta go in together. You understand me?” Hoss put the knife in his father’s hand. “We gotta save Adam, Pa. You gotta snap out of it.”

“Adam?”

“Adam’s back there, Pa. Remember? They’re gonna kill him.”

Ben’s eyes rolled into the back of his head and he stumbled forward in a faint. Hoss caught him.

“I kilt one of ‘em, Pa and we got a gun now…” Hoss stood his father upright and looked directly into his eyes. “We can go get Adam or we can die trying. Either way’s better ‘n this.”

His father blinked and nodded. Hoss slapped his back. “I ain’t gonna let him die, Pa – not without a fight.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ben shook his head as he regained his senses and his mind. Hoss was right, it was better to die fighting than to live and do nothing. He touched Hoss’ face and smiled sadly at him, well aware that both of them would probably not make it back alive.

“Let’s go save your brother, son.” he said.

“OK!” Hoss nodded. “We’ll sneak up on ‘em and kill ‘em one by one quiet-like. Save the gun til the last minute.”

So Ben and Hoss snuck up behind the tribe, grateful most of the women and all of the children were inside. Ben wondered if he could kill a man with a knife – something he had never done before. But when the time came and he knew Adam’s life hinged on his ability, he completed the task without hesitation. He and Hoss killed 4 or 5 before any attention befell them. Ben turned a corner and met face to face with Running Bear.

“You return for dead son and he is already dead.” the Indian said. “Now you both die as well.”

Hoss cried out in a gut wrenching wail, his eyes locked in dismay

at whatever lay ahead in his path. Ben felt the blood drain from his heart, not daring to look. It was Adam, he knew. Adam.

Ben lifted his gaze and there he saw upon a stake, in the middle of the raging flames, the body of his son, charred beyond recognition. Ben stood mesmerized for a moment then fell to the ground on his hands and knees. He wretched. It couldn’t be Adam. It couldn’t be. A black hat flew to the ground in front of him. Ben looked up.

“There.” Running Bear said, standing above him. “That was your son.”

As Ben slowly stood, he watched Hoss fly into the crowd in a frenzied rage, roaring like a crazed animal. He snapped one man’s neck with one quick jerk, then grabbed another and plunged his knife into his chest. Ben watched others jump his middle son, then curled into a ball as Running Bear jumped him. He waited for knives to plunge into the soft flesh of his body, but they never came. They were stopped by the sound of a strange cry. Other Indian warriors had invaded the camp and amidst the inferno behind him and the war in front, was the white horse and his youngest boy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joe felt a stab of pain in his chest as he was knocked from his horse. An arrow jutted from his right shoulder, inches from his lung. On impulse, he cried out for help, but the fighting around him was too intense. He knew he had only himself to rely on for now. He grabbed the arrow and pulled, almost fainting as it broke at the tip. At least it wasn’t bleeding badly and it wasn’t in too deep. It hurt like crazy, but Joe stood, trying desperately to find Adam or Hoss or his Pa.

Hoss! Joe smiled. There he was – upright and fighting like a rooster in a cockfight. Hoss was immortal, Joe thought. When they got out of there, he’d nickname him Zeus.

Good, there’s Pa. Joe strained to see him better. His father had a pistol and was firing at his attackers. He’d be ok, Joe thought. Now to find Adam…

The Indian women and children had fled the camp as the fighting broke out and Joe knew his renegade friends would not follow them to which he was grateful. The people of the wagon train were huddled once again at the edge of the fighting and Joe saw his boy amongst them. They did not cry this time, already hardened by the morning’s raid. The warriors who attacked the train were retreating into the woods.

“Woohoo!!!” Joe yelled, then grabbed his shoulder in pain. It was excruciating, but Joe didn’t mind. He was high on victory and high on saving his brother’s life.

Hoss called out for him and Joe ran, clutching himself.

“Joe! Are you hurt?”

“I’m OK! I’m OK! We got them, Hoss!!!”

“We did little brother.” Hoss said.

Joe saw his father walking towards them. “Pa! We did it Pa! I found these renegade braves and asked them for help. It turns out they hate Dark Wolf…so I begged them and they all came, Pa! I saved Adam! I did it!”

“Are you hurt, boy?” his father said.

“I’ll be ok, Pa! Really! Where’s Adam? Ooooh he’s gonna owe me big time for this!!!”

Joe’s excitement waned as he noticed his brother and father did not share it. Panic rose in his chest and his wound began to throb. “Joe, you sure saved our skins.” Hoss said finally. His face was serious and beaten. “Pa and I’d been kilt if not for you an’…”

“Where is Adam?” Joe said.

“Joe.” Hoss took his hand. “We were too late. Adam…”

“No!” Joe snapped. “The warriors said! They said we had time! They said!”

“He’s gone, Joe.” Hoss began to sniff and the tears soon ran down his dirty, bloody cheeks.

Joe turned to his father.

“We need to get you to a doctor.” his Pa said solemnly. “There’s a town a few miles south of here.”

“Is that all you have to say?” Joe said, his lips trembling.

“There’s a town? I don’t give a damn about any town! I want my brother!”

Joe fought them hard, but the tears won out. They flowed abundantly, clouding his sight. He stared hard at his father, this monster who chose his brother to die. He hated him. Joe shoved Hoss’ hand away, then stumbled in pain.

“It was you!” Joe yelled. “You killed him! I told you to choose me! I told you!”

“Joe!” Hoss said.

“Leave him, Hoss. He’s right.” his father said. “It was me.”

“Pa, it wasn’t…” Hoss began, but his father cut him off.

“Get him on a horse and get him to a doctor in Oakdale – it’s about 3 miles southeast of here. Go now so you won’t have to travel with him after dark.”

“What’re you gonna do?” Hoss said.

“I’m going to get your brother.” he said. “I’ll meet you there later tonight. Take these people with you. There’s enough horses here if everyone doubles up.”

His father stopped to pick up Adam’s hat then walked away towards the smoldering embers of the fire. Joe saw then and he knew what had happened to Adam. He wailed in shock and sadness.

“C’mon buddy..” Hoss scooped him up and Joe bawled like a baby in his arms.

 

Chapter 6

Hoss sat with his brother as the doctor worked on him. The boy said nothing the whole time, he just bit his strip of leather.

“So you say they killed your other brother?” the doctor said.

“Yessir.” Hoss answered. He wished the doctor would stop talking to him and concentrate on Joe.

“Well, I heard the hotel offered rooms free of charge to the survivors of the wagon train. There’s a stage for Kansas City leaving here tomorrow. How many do you bet will be on it?”

“Most, I imagine.”

“Terrible things, them savages.” he said as he worked on Joe. “Had an older sister killed by them when I was a youngster. You’ll get over it.”

Hoss glared at him.

The doctor went on, “Yep. I cried for maybe a year over her, don’t quite remember. Now, I can’t even picture her face. Can you beat that?”

“I ain’t gonna forget my brother sir, if that’s what you’re saying. I ain’t never gonna forget.”

The doctor smiled and pulled the leather from Joe’s mouth.

“The hard part is over, young man. Now sit up and I’ll get a bandage to you.”

Joe sat slowly, his green eyes filled with animosity. Hoss offered him a gentle smile.

“How you feelin’?”

“How do you think I’m feeling? I want Adam.”

Hoss cleared his throat and looked away. The doctor wrapped Joe’s shoulder with gauze. The doorknob turned and Hoss sighed in relief as his father entered the room, his face and clothes filthy with dirt and ash.

“Gettin’ worried about you, Pa.” Hoss said.

“How is he?” his father asked.

“Well, it wasn’t too bad, but he shouldn’t travel for a few days just the same.” the doctor said. “You get yourself a room at the hotel and I’ll stop in twice a day to change his bandage – we can’t let infection set in. Sorry to hear about your other son. This one was very lucky.”

Ben nodded and lay his hand on Hoss’ shoulder. Hoss closed his eyes at the comfort it gave him.

“I’ll get a room,” his father said. “Can you help Joe over to the hotel?”

Hoss nodded. “You Ok, Pa?”

He hesitated for a moment then left without a word. Hoss saw Joe’s eyes follow him out the door.

“Joe, you can’t be mad at Pa. He did what he could.”

Joe pursed his lips and glared at the door. Hoss had never seen such hatred in his little brother – at least not towards his family.

“You two want me to stitch those cuts on your faces?” the doctor said. “My, those are nasty ones.”

Joe covered his wound with his hand. “Dont’ touch it.” he said.

“No thank you, sir.” Hoss said. “C’mon, little Joe. Let’s order you a bath. It’s gonna be a long night.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ben sat by the window overlooking the street, the moonlight drifting through the glass. He glanced over once at Hoss and Joe who slept together on the double bed in the middle of the room. He wished he was worried about them, but in truth, he felt nothing. Ben noticed that the stars were bright and clear, but they were no longer beautiful. Nothing would ever be beautiful again.

His life had ended today – his remarkable life, with three strong sons, who bickered and fought, who worked hard and played hard, who ate him out of house and home and who loved each other enough to die for one another. Only two of them were left, two of them…not three. He cursed himself for being upset with them earlier. How could he have spent his last day with them that way? How could he have been angry with Adam?

He bowed his head. Oh, Adam…how can I go on without you? How can I bear this sorrow, this grief? And how can I live knowing I caused the end to a life so full of promise? You would have been so much, Adam, and you’d have had the world if you wanted. I wanted to watch you marry, Adam. I wanted to rock your children to sleep. I wanted you at my bedside when the good Lord chose me. Ben closed his eyes tightly, his whole being enveloped in agony. Elizabeth, I am so sorry….

“Pa…don’t you think you should sleep?” Hoss said. He had risen without Ben noticing.

Ben said nothing. How I wish I could hear Adam’s deep voice. How I wish I could watch him, touch him, talk to him…just one more time.

“Pa.” Hoss whispered. He’d gotten up and joined his father at the window. “Adam knew you loved him.”

“And he knew I chose him.”

” I understand how you must be feelin’.”

“You understand? How can you possibly understand?!”

Ben said.

“Ssh, Pa…you’ll wake Joe.”

“I don’t care! You tell me you understand?! You raise 3 sons, you love them, you watch them grow into men, then one day, you choose between them. And you choose the one who for 27 years has been by your side, sharing your work, helping you cope, who has done more than his share since he was a child. You choose him and you take from him his marriage, his children, his old age – his middle age, for that matter! You do that and then you come back and tell me you understand. Maybe then I’ll believe you!”

Hoss sighed with tears in his eyes. “Well, maybe I don’t understand, Pa. All I know is – today, I watched my big brother die and I’d do anything I could right now to get him back.”

Ben rose and left the room. Hoss could hear his footsteps race down the hotel stairs.

“Why’re you mad at us now, Pa?” Hoss wept. “Why?”

“Good riddance.” Joe said from the bed. “We don’t need him anyway.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

In his dream, he watched as Adam struggled with his footing near the ledge. Joe sat still in terror, yelling for their father to help them, help them please! But their father did nothing but stare at them. The earth rumbled and rocks flew all around them. Adam was sliding down the ledge into a huge slit in the earth. Joe could do nothing to stop it. His brother was going to die.

“No!!” Joe shrieked, unable to run fast enough to catch him. “Please, God, NOOOOOOOO!!!!”

“JOE!” someone in the distance yelled. Joe woke up. It took him a second to realize he was in Hoss’s arms in bed at the hotel.

“Joe, wake up now.” Hoss said softly.

“Hoss.” he sobbed. “Hoss.”

“I know, little buddy.” Hoss rocked him. ” I know.”

Someone knocked at their door and Joe stifled his tears as quickly as he could. He noticed the sunlight peaking through the window and he noticed his father still wasn’t there. Good. He didn’t want to see him anyway. Hoss lay him gently back into the sheets and went to answer the door. He spoke softly to whoever stood outside, then let them in.

“Hello, Joe.” Hoss’s young lady companion from the day before stood on the braided rug. Joe’s little friend walked in with her. “We just wanted to thank you all before we left. And we wanted to tell you how sorry we are about your brother.”

Joe smiled politely and sat up. “Howdy, partner.”

“Are you ok?” the boy said.

“My shoulder hurts.”

“Do you think you could say goodbye to Annie anyway?”

the boy said.

“Annie?”

In walked a small child with a pink dress and blonde hair done up in a white bow. Joe lost his breath for a moment as he remembered who she was – the little girl Adam had carried yesterday.

“Are you Adam’s brother?” she said.

Joe nodded.

She walked over to the bed. “I wish he hadn’t died.” she said. “And I wish my ma and pa hadn’t died, too.”

Joe stayed silent for a minute before he spoke. “Me, too.”

“You still have a daddy.” the little girl said. “We only have an auntie now. We’re going to live with her in Boston.”

Joe nodded. He felt badly for it, but he no longer wanted these people in the room with him. Hoss must have read his mind because he cleared his throat. “Joe’s not feeling too good right now, Miss. We’re gonna have to let him rest.”

Joe noticed the disappointed look on the young boy’s face as the woman tried to herd the children out of the room.

“Wait!” Joe said as they reached the door. “We forgot to say goodbye.”

The children turned and ran to hug him, then hugged Hoss. Joe reached for the girl’s small hand and squeezed it. Adam would be glad she was all right. He watched them leave the room and as they left, Joe fell back onto the bed.

“Poor kids…they ain’t got no parents now.” Hoss said.

“Well, they’ve got each other – just like we have.”

“We’ve got a Pa.”

Joe rolled over, anger overwhelming him. “All I have is you.”

“Joe, don’t say that.” Hoss said. “Ain’t one of us not hurting right now and all we can do is stick together – you, me and Pa.”

“He killed Adam!”

“You stop saying that boy, or I’m gonna bust your mouth!” Hoss crossed the bed to look at his face. “He’d a given his life to save Adam and you know it!”

“He chose him, Hoss!”

“To save us, Joe!” Hoss said. “Don’t you go makin’ him feel guilty about this. Imagine how he must feel, Joe! Just imagine!”

“I can’t help it. I keep picturing how Adam must’ve felt – dying all alone and none of us doing a damn thing to save him. Not even Pa!”

“But we tried, Joe. You tried an’ I tried an’ Pa tried. We did everything we could. You know that and I believe Adam knows it too. I’m sure of it.”

“I kept saying he was the favorite and all along…Pa loved him the least.”

“Now that just ain’t true! Pa loved Adam just as much as you or me.”

“Then what made him pick Adam, Hoss?”

Hoss shrugged and sat on the bed. “Maybe he figured Adam had already lived longer ‘n us. Or maybe it was cuz Adam could handle it better. I don’t rightly know.”

“You ever think about all those times Adam left? I think maybe he left cuz Pa didn’t want him. He went to Boston for four years, Hoss. Do you think Pa’d let us go to Boston for four years? And look at the stuff he put on Adam’s shoulders – made him responsible for everything all the time. You ever think he was just trying to drive Adam away?”

“No, I don’t. I…”

The door closed and their father stood in the middle of the room. He still had not bought new clothes and his face, though now clean, was unshaven and dark. Bags hung under his eyes. He hadn’t slept, Hoss knew, and he knew his father had heard their conversation.

“Pa.” Hoss stood to greet him.

“Is Joe all right?”

Joe didn’t speak. He just stared up at the ceiling.

“There’s no fever, but he’s sore.” Hoss said.

His father nodded. “I wired Roy. He’s going to meet the stage. I’m taking Adam back on it today. You two can stay here until Joseph can travel. I’ll have your horses at the livery when you get to Virginia City.”

Joe glared at him in loathing, but Hoss walked to him, smiling tenderly.

“Pa.” he whispered. “Doncha think you should stay with us until Joe’s allowed to go?”

“I trust you to take care of him. Wire me if anything goes wrong.” he went for the door. “Be careful, both of you.”

Hoss followed him to the hall and closed the door softly.

“Pa, that boy in there needs you.” he whispered. “He’s got a hole in his chest an’ he just lost his brother…”

“I know what he lost!” Ben growled. “Don’t you tell me what he’s lost!”

“Pa, Stay! Don’t bail on him. He won’t never forget if you leave him now.”

“I’ve paid the hotel manager for two more nights and I’ve left some money at the desk for you to eat. Wire me if you need more money.”

He turned for the stairs, but Hoss grabbed his arm, holding it firmly in his grasp.

“Dagburnit, Pa! Stop blaming us for Adam being gone!”

“I’m doing no such thing!”

“Then you need to stay with me and Joe!” Hoss yelled.

“I need to go home with Adam!”

“Adam’s gone, Pa! Adam ain’t here no more and he don’t need you!” Hoss said. His father pushed him away, his eyes glaring with sorrow and anger. “You got two sons who do need you, Pa.”

Ben left Hoss at the top of the stairs.

“You think Adam’d want this, Pa?” Hoss called after him. “You think he’d want his family torn apart?!?!”

His father stopped at the bottom of the stairs, so Hoss went after him. Ben stood, staring blankly ahead. “I don’t know what to do anymore, Hoss.” he said.

Hoss sighed. “Me neither, Pa, ‘cept for us to stick together.”

“I thought I was helpless when I watched your mothers die. I thought that would be the worst I would ever have to see. I was wrong, Hoss.” he said, quietly. “I was very wrong.”

Hoss’ felt as if his heart was going to break in his chest. To see his father hurt like this only added to his own pain. “Pa.” he said. “It’s gonna take a heap of a lotta time before any one of us can feel good again. I ain’t never hurt like this either. I feel like some of me died right up in them woods with my big brother. But the way I see it is we’re still a family an’ Adam’d want us to remember him together. He wouldn’t want to be the reason we grew apart. I know my brother – he wouldn’t want it.”

Ben began to weep. He pulled his large son into his arms. “I love you, Hoss.” he said between his sobs. “I love you.”

Hoss held his father and cried with him.

 

Chapter 7

 

Ben slipped slowly into the hot water, air escaping his lips as he tried to adjust to the temperature. This was much hotter than the baths he drew at home. He wished he was there, wished he could see the tall pines and feel Buck beneath him, wished he could sit in his leather chair in front of his fireplace – the one Adam so carefully designed years ago. He wanted to see Adam’s room, lay on his bed, run his hands over his things and do anything that would give him just a small piece of his lost son.

Ben wondered how Joe would handle going home. He hoped the Ponderosa would accelerate the boy’s healing and bring Joe back to him. Joe was already testing the waters of rebellion, now Ben was sure he would dive right in. He could lose Joe too, Ben knew, lose him to any of the elements that ensnared troubled boys. At least Hoss was there to help. At least Hoss would watch his brother.

Ben washed the ash from his feet and wondered how so much of it had gotten into his boots. He closed his eyes shut in memory of the sight – the most horrifying sight he had ever seen in his life. His son upon a stake, blackened, hair and clothing long burned away, hands tied so tightly that only bone remained at his wrists. Ben had only looked at the face once and remembered saying “this is not my son”. How could it have been? It was a monster. Ben moaned softly. Adam was not only gone, but had suffered terribly at his death. Hate welled in Ben’s throat and he silently cheered at the memory of the Indians who fell by his hand. His mind knew they had just cause for lashing out, but his heart knew only that they had taken his cherished Adam.

“Pa.” Hoss knocked at the door. “Pa. Can I come in?”

“It’s open.” Ben said.

His boy rushed in. “I just wanted to tell you, Pa, that there’s a company outside who’re marching up against those Indians. They said there’s still a band of about 20 braves up in them woods and Running Bear is still alive.”

“Do you expect me to stop them?”

“No, Pa. I was going to go with them.” Hoss said.

Ben scowled. “Do you think I want to lose another son to them?”

Hoss looked down. “Nossir.” he said. ” I just …”

“Do you think that will bring your brother back?”

“No.”

“You said yourself that we should stick together. Where do you think Joe and I would be without you?” Ben said. “He isn’t even speaking to me.”

“Pa, I want to go up. I just need to see ….”

“To see where Adam burned to death?”

Hoss shrugged.

“Hoss. Say goodbye some other way. Those mountains are far too dangerous right now.” Ben said.

Hoss nodded solemnly, afraid to tell his father the real reason he wanted to go back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adam awoke shivering uncontrollably on the cold leaves of the forest, his pants his only clothes. Someone had stripped him of his boots, his jacket and his gunbelt and he lay covered in heavy pine boughs. He tried to stand but his hands jerked him backwards. He was tied to a stake buried in the ground.

“Hello?” he called. “Hello!”

A blue jay’s warning cry was his only answer. How he got where he was, he did not know. He remembered the wagon train, the little girl, the fire, remembered being terrified of the pain he would endure when they placed him in it and the sadness he felt for his family. He knew how badly they would feel. He knew…

Joe! Hoss! Pa! What happened to them? Had they made it out? Did they now think he was dead? Could they be dead? Adam tried in vain to figure out how the events concluded. He must’ve been knocked out, but he knew not when, by who or why. And someone must’ve saved him – saved him and hidden him in the brush. It had not been his family for he would not have been left like this. Then he remembered the teepee and everything moving so quickly – Running Bear, his wife, the other man, then blackness.

He lay back down, his strength drained. He must’ve been unconsious for a while for his thirst was unbelievable. He felt as if he would die if he did not drink. He fiddled with the ropes around his wrists, but only served to drive them deeper into his raw skin.

“Hello!” he tried again. “Is anyone out there?!”

Why would someone put him here like this? Then Adam realized…perhaps this was how he was intended to die. Perhaps he was to starve or die of exposure. No, that couldn’t be. He remembered the fire intended for him, remembered Dark Wolf telling him he would die there. Adam closed his eyes, reliving the sight of the pain in his father’s eyes as he was pulled from him.

“I’m coming, Pa.” he said. “I’m coming soon.”

Chapter 8

Ben snuck quietly into the room. It was midday and a light rain fell outside. Both his sons slept soundly – Hoss in the chair and Joe on the bed. Both, Ben thought, not three. He exhaled.

“Hoss.” he whispered, rubbing the big shoulders lightly.

“I’m comin’!” Hoss yelled in alarm. He jumped up and grabbed for a pistol on a gunbelt that wasn’t there.

“Son, it’s me.” Ben whispered. Joe stirred in the bed, but did not wake.

“Oh, hi Pa.” Hoss said. He smiled.

“Is Joe all right?”

Hoss looked at his brother. “His body is.” he said. “But he’s still pretty heartbroken…not saying that I ain’t.”

Ben sat at the window. “Why don’t you go get some lunch or take a walk? Get out of this stuffy room for a while.”

“Don’t mind if I do. I don’t take kindly to bein’ cooped up all day.” Hoss said. “Sure will be nice to get home.”

Hoss grabbed his hat and left. Ben watched him leave and his eyes fixated on the door that shut behind him. He wished he had told Hoss to be careful.

“Hoss?” Joe said.

Ben went for the bed. “I’m here Joe.” he said.

Joe looked up at him blankly.

“What did the doctor say?” Ben said.

Joe looked at the door, then rolled away from his father. “He said I can travel.”

“Well…that’s good news, isn’t it?”

Joe shrugged. Ben walked around the bed so he could see the boy’s face. His color was good, but his eyes were still dark and cold, not bouncing with life the way they always had before.

“How are you feeling?” Ben smiled.

Joe looked up at him as if he were a stranger. “OK.”

Ben nodded awkwardly. He wanted to hug him, but knew the boy would push him away.

“Would you like to talk?” Ben said.

“About what?” Joe scoffed at him.

“About anything you like.”

“How about telling me why you sent my brother off to die?”

Ben sat on the bed, a million knives piercing his heart. “Joseph.” he said. His voice shook as he spoke. “You know I would never send him to…”

“But you did and I want to know why. Why Adam?”

Ben searched for words but knew not what to say.

“Tell me. You wanted to talk, didn’t you? Why did you pick Adam?”

“Joe, I’d have died myself if I had the choice. You must know that.”

“I know that out of me, Hoss and Adam, you chose Adam. I just want to know why! Didn’t you love him?”

Exasperation welled in Ben’s throat, but he fought it. He knew deep down that Joe didn’t mean what he said. “I loved your brother more than anything else in this world. I loved him more than life itself, Joe. Like I love you and Hoss.”

“But you chose him!”

“I know I chose him!” Ben yelled. “Yes, I chose Adam to die! Is that what you want to hear?”
“No! I just want to know why!”

“Because he told me to!” Ben said, shocked at his own words. He searched his mind. Had that been why? Had he followed Adam’s advice even on this matter? ” He was the oldest, he’s taken care of you both your whole lives and he would never be able to live with himself if I chose you or Hoss.”

Ben sat back. Was that why? Had he spared Adam the sadness and guilt? Had he given Adam the gift of escaping the agony that awaited the other two as they grieved him?

“Forgive me, Joseph. Please forgive me.”

Joe lay on his back and stared at the ceiling. Ben could see his body tremble. He closed his eyes tightly. “I’ll try.” he said. “I really will.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adam awoke as the boughs were lifted from his head. His body shook with cold and fear. The forest was getting dark, dusk was settling in with a heavy rain. He watched helplessly as the figure above him cleared away the brush. Would he live or die?

“Running Bear.” he said, his voice scratchy and parched.

“Drink.” Running Bear said and held a pouch to Adam’s lips. Adam guzzled ravenously, then stopped to catch his breath.

“How long have I been here?”

“One sun and one moon.”
“Can you untie me?”

Running Bear looked around. “You must not run. Scouts still in forest. Must not see you.”

“I won’t run.” Adam said. The Indian bent over him and cut the ropes from the stake and from Adam’s wrists. Adam rubbed the red, swollen skin. It had rubbed raw in places. “Am I still to die?”

“Running Bear never forget your father’s kindness. Another die in your place, Adam Cartwright. No good come in killing friend to our people. I place your clothes upon another man.”

Adam sighed, grateful to be spared, but saddened over another taking his place. He remembered the man who must’ve died and remembered the limp as he walked. God rest his soul, Adam said silently.

“I hide you here until tribe return north.” Running Bear said. “Scouts still in these woods and kill you and Running Bear if they know I cross Dark Wolf’s words.”

“My father and brothers. Are they safe?” Adam said.

Adam did not like the hesitation in Running Bear and a wave of anxiety washed over him. “Running Bear!”

“Your father was foolish and returned for you. He bring large brother and kill many.”

Adam put his hand to his face and closed his eyes. He inhaled sharply and looked at Running Bear.

“They think you die by fire.” Running Bear said. “I give your hat to father. Small brother bring other brothers into war. There was much fighting.”

“What happened? Are they OK? Where are they?”

“As I left, your father still stood. Large brother stood. Small brother fall.”

“Joe?!” Adam scrambled to Running Bear and grabbed his shoulders. He shook the Indian as he spoke. “You saw Joe fall? What?! Is he dead?!”

“I do not know this.” the Indian shook his head.

Adam stood, his heart racing in his ears, his stomach churning in panic. Oh, Joe…not Joe…He began to run, his bare feet tangling in the twigs and brush of the forest. He got no further than 50 feet before Running Bear jumped him and tackled him to the ground.

“I have to go! I have to find them!” Adam said breathlessly. He tried to fight, but his strength soon wore thin. Running Bear pinned his arms above his head. “My brother!”

“You die if you leave now.” Running Bear said. “Wait until night and take south route out of mountains to home.”

Adam stopped resisting and after a moment, he nodded. He took a deep breath as Running Bear’s weight lifted from his chest.

“I must leave and never return. Please remember me to your father. He saved my life, now I return favor and return first son to him.” Running Bear said.

Adam brushed the twigs and pine needles from his chest and arms. “Do you have a shirt? or shoes?”

Running Bear shook his head.

“I don’t suppose you have a spare horse.” Adam said.

“I have no horse.” Running Bear said. “You leave on treacherous journey. You go at night.”

Adam nodded. “I owe you many thanks.”

“Then do not hate us, Adam Cartwright. Remember that which has been done was done with sorrow in our hearts.” Running Bear said.

Adam felt badly for him and watched the Indian disappear amongst the trees. He stood stupefied by his predicament – alone in the woods, God only knew where, dressed only in pants, no gun, no horse, no food. No one knew he was alive. And Joe was hurt, maybe dead. But that couldn’t be. Joe was not dead. Joe was too stubborn to die. Adam smiled as he remembered the fight from yesterday. Wretched little cuss. Tears formed in Adam’s eyes. He needed to eat and find a horse. He needed to get home. He needed his family – all three of them.

 

Chapter 9

 

Adam kept moving through the night, his feet swollen and bloody, his arms and chest stinging with the swats of a thousand branches. One thought ran through his mind – he had to get home. He came down off the mountain and smelled fire. At first, it sparked fear in him. Then, he thought of food.

It had been almost two days since he had eaten anything and Adam was more than famished. He prayed as he ran, hoping whoever had the fire was cooking something and if so, they were generous enough to share it. In the midst of his sprint, he found himself with a rifle barrel pointed at his chest.

“Who goes there?”

Adam could see no face, but he could see the gold buttons of the gentleman’s uniform. The cavalry.

“Adam Cartwright.” he said. “I was held captive by some Indians. I escaped.”

The rifle left his bare chest.

“You must be freezing.” the soldier said.

“And starving.”

Adam was welcomed into camp with open arms. It held the party that had set out to search for the Indians who had attacked the wagon train. What fortune that he had stumbled onto troops. The soldier gave Adam his jacket and the commanding officer was awakened.

“Cartwright?” Colonel Gray asked as he came from his tent. “Aren’t you the son that was killed on the mountain?”

“That’s what everyone thought.” Adam explained. “One of them, Running Bear, hid me away and saved my life.”

The colonel led him towards the fire.

“Good heavens, son. You look like death warmed over.”

“I don’t feel much better than that either, sir.” Adam smiled. “Although you are a sight for sore eyes.”

“Sit. We’ll get you a meal and a bed and tomorrow, you can ride to town.”

“If it pleases you sir, I’d like to trade that bed for a horse and leave tonight.” Adam said. “I’ll be sure to reimburse the army as soon as I get home.”

“If that’s what you wish. I can not argue with a man who has been through the trials you have seen. Your father will be a very happy man.”

“You saw my father?”

“I saw your brother. He wanted to come with us, but decided against it.”

“Which brother?” he said.

“I’m not sure. A big fellow with…”

“Hoss.” Adam said. “Did he say anything about my other brother?”

The colonel shook his head. “Only you, friend.”

Adam nodded and took the plate of stew that was placed in front of him. If Joe had died, Hoss would have told the colonel for sure. Right?

“He said he lost one brother.” the colonel said, smiling. “Not two.”

Adam smiled back. He ate two bowls of stew within minutes, so greedily that he reminded himself of Hoss. Joe was ok. He had to be.

The Colonel gave Adam a dappled mare and a pair of boots that pinched his feet, but Adam was grateful.

“Are you sure you don’t want to rest a while?” the Colonel said as Adam mounted his new horse. “Or at least have a shave?”

Adam shook his head, then took the officer’s hand.

“I thank you, Colonel. And my father thanks you.” Adam said. “And please…remember those Indians…they did no worse than what has been done to them.”

The colonel looked at him in awe. “I will, son.”

Adam left camp dressed in the blue cavalry jacket. He was filthy and unshaven, but ecstatic at the thought of seeing his family again. If he kept riding, he’d make the Ponderosa that afternoon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The tension between Joe and his father had lightened somewhat since their talk. Joe was speaking to him again, but with a cool politeness instead of the warmth and exuberance he usually possessed. Ben understood it and tried not to be hurt. He knew, as Hoss had said, that it would be a long time before any of them ever felt normal again.

Adam’s body awaited them in Virginia City. Roy had wired him the night before and told him it was in the ice cellar near the livery. The horses were there too. Part of Ben did not want to leave Oakdale. He knew Virginia City and the Ponderosa would bring up many painful memories. As Joe dressed, Ben packed what little belongings they had and Hoss buckled his new gunbelt.

“I sure like this one, Pa.” Hoss smiled. “Sure was nice of Mr. Downing to give it to me.”

“Well, most people are decent folks.” Ben said. “They want to help those in need.” He glanced at Joe. “Are we ready? The stage leaves in 15 minutes.”

Joe sighed and nodded and Hoss went for the door. On the nightstand was Adam’s hat. The three of them looked at it wordlessly.

“Can I have it?” Joe said.

Ben reached over and squeezed Joe’s good shoulder. “Of course you can.”

Joe put it on his head and Ben saw a slight smile crack the boy’s lips. He rubbed its brim carefully. Ben put his arm around Joe as they left the room.

The rain had lightened as they stood outside the stage and now fell in sparse sprinkles. The three men stood in silence, each of them lost in their own world and in their own sadness. Ben noticed a young man riding towards them sat straight in the saddle just like Adam had. He even had Adam’s build. What a coincidence! Ben stepped into the street to get a closer look. The rider’s jacket was like the one Adam wore the day he died. Ben lost his breath. From a distance, he looked exactly like Adam.

Joe and Hoss saw him too, for they now stood in the street beside their father, all three waiting anxiously to see the rider’s face. The man traveled slowly, searching the walks as if looking for someone.

“Adam?” Joe said meekly.

He started to run at the stranger, but Hoss stopped him, his face a serious frown, his eyes scrunched with question. The closer the rider got, the more he looked like Adam. Ben smiled and his heart filled with hope. He dared not think it, but could have sworn this was his son coming towards him. The rider noticed them and trotted over. All three of them grinned eagerly and lifted their heads in anticipation. Ben felt Joe grab his arm in excitement.

“Dear Lord, please let it be…” Hoss said.

The rider lifted his hat. “Anyone tell me where I can find the sheriff?” he said.

Ben fell against Hoss in disappointment and felt the excitement drain from Hoss’s body. Joe’s grip fell from his arm. It wasn’t Adam.

“There a problem, mister?” the stranger said.

“No problem, sir.” Hoss said. “We just thought you was somebody else. Sheriff’s office is over there.”

Hoss pointed and the young man tipped his hat to them and was gone before they could collect themselves.

“C’mon, Pa.” Hoss said sadly, his big arm encircled his father’s shoulders as they walked back to the stage. Joe still stood in the road, his arms to his sides, his head hanging low.

“Joe!” Hoss called.

Ben turned back and saw his little boy standing in the road, lost and alone. All at once, Joe seemed 5 years old again. He walked back and Joe looked up, tears running down his face. “I thought it was him, Pa.” Joe said.

“So did I.” Ben said and pulled the boy to his chest. Joe wept and clung to him like he did when he was a child. It was so very sad, but it felt so very good. Ben rubbed the curls beneath Adam’s black hat and helped him towards the stagecoach.

They rode in silence. Once outside Virginia City, Joe took his father’s hand. Ben held it tightly.

“I remember that creek.” Joe said softly. “Adam saved my life there. I was 8 or 9. I got caught up in the current.”

“You did? I don’t remember that.” Ben said.
“Adam never told you.” Joe said. “I wasn’t supposed to be there.”

Ben’s eyes squinted in mock sternness. “And how many other secrets of yours has Adam kept from me?”

Joe smiled brightly at the memory, then his young face went suddenly dim. “I’m sorry for everything, Pa – everything I said, it was wrong.”

Ben nodded. “And I’m sorry, Joseph. I’m sorry that you ever had to go through what you went through.”

They both turned to look at Hoss who sat silent, staring out the window.

“What are you thinking about, Hoss?” Ben said.

Hoss shrugged. “Thinkin’ bout all the scrapes Adam pulled us out of and how now we gotta do it all without him.”

“It definitely will not be easy.” Ben said.

Hoss suddenly smiled. “We had a lot of good times, too, we did. I remember how we used to trick him into reading to us all the time. Remember, Joe? When we was kids we used to tell him we was scared of monsters and such at night so Adam would read us a story.”

“Hey, it was no trick.” Joe said. “I was really scared.”

They chuckled for a moment then grew somber.

“Ain’t no one to read to us anymore.” Hoss said. “I’d do anything to hear him read to me again. Even that dang awful Shakespeare guy.”

 

Chapter 10

Virginia City was quiet when the stage pulled into town. Very few people stood in the streets and even fewer horses stood at their tying posts. It looked like a Sunday morning, not a Friday afternoon. As promised though, the sheriff greeted them as the three men left the stage. He looked as downtrodden as they felt.

“Ben. Boys.” he said. “I’m so very sorry.”

Ben took him into his arms and patted him on the back.

“I swear I’ve shed as many tears as if he’d been my own son, Ben. Adam will be missed.”

Ben nodded. He looked around the familiar streets and everywhere was Adam – coming out of the saloon laughing, carrying grain from the feed store, chatting with Mrs. O’Dell at the post office. Ben inhaled sharply, unprepared for the emotions the city exuded. Joe and Hoss fared no better. Ben could see Joe’s bottom lip begin to tremble and Hoss’ eyes fill with water.

“Why don’t you boys get the horses and we’ll head home.” Ben said.

“They’re in the stable Ben. Your ranch hand brought three of them in last night.”

The boys walked across the street, their heads hanging low. Ben saw the widow Perkins stop and hug both of them before they made it into the livery.

“How are the boys?” the sheriff asked.

Ben shook his head. “Joe took it the worst.” he said. “Hoss is still Hoss. Thank God for that.”

“You’re in for a rough time, Ben. If there’s anything I can do for you, you let me know.”

A crash came from the livery and Joe came running out, dazed. Ben ran towards him.

“They brought Sport in, Pa and I dunno – Hoss just snapped!” Joe yelled. “He’s tearing up the place!”

Hoss sat on the floor of the stable, weeping, saddles and bridles thrown helter skelter, bits of hay floating through the air. A sack of oats lay open on the dirt floor, most of its contents scattered about. Ben walked over and dropped to his knees beside Hoss. He put his hand on his back. Ben had neglected him – so caught up in his own grief, then so caught up in Joe.

“They brung Sport, Pa.” Hoss cried. “They brung Sport and not Chubb. I can’t ride Sport, Pa. Ain’t nobody can ride Sport now! Nobody!”

Ben rubbed his back and looked up at the sheriff. “We’ll use your wagon, Roy, if that’s all right.”

“Anything, Ben.”

“Pa.” Hoss said, looking at his father. Ben could barely stand the sight of the agony in his son’s blue eyes. “I’m trying so hard to fight it, but I gotta go. I gotta go back. I just want to…”

Hoss snapped an imaginary stick. “I wanna kill ‘em, Pa! I wanna make ‘em suffer like they did my brother.”

“I know you do, Hoss and believe me a part of me does, too. But it won’t accomplish anything.” Ben said gently. “Except maybe get you killed, too.”

Hoss looked down at his hands and dried his eyes.

“It ain’t gettin’ better, Pa.” Hoss said. “I thought once we got home, I’d feel better. But it keeps gettin’ worse.”

Ben hugged him tightly. “I know, son. And I’m sorry, Hoss. So sorry.”

“I’ll clean this up.” the stable manager said. “And I’ll hitch up the wagon for you. You want me to tie these three to the back?” He pointed to Buck, Cochise and Sport.

“That’s very kind of you.” Ben said and nestled himself next to Hoss in the dirt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Adam rode into Virginia City at noon. People looked up at him, but no one waved in recognition. He knew he looked like the scum of the earth with a two day beard and dusty clothes. The cavalry jacket would surely be the talk of the town for the next hour. “What do you suppose the army sent a soldier to Virginia City for?” He smiled.

He noticed the horses in front of the livery almost immediately. Sport, Cooch and Buck all saddled and ready, tied behind a wagon. Cooch meant Joe was ok. Good old Cooch. But why was Sport with them? It didn’t matter anyway. Adam raced over and dismounted. He quickly ran his hands over the horses and whistling, called into the stable.

“Pa?”

“Who you looking for?” Henry said.

“My father.” Adam smiled. “It’s me Adam, Henry. Don’t you recognize me?”

Henry’s face went as white as a sheet.

“You’re supposed…”

“To be dead, yes, I know.” Adam said. “Henry, are my brothers all right?”

“Well …Hoss sure blew a gasket when he got here and saw your horse. Little Joe’s fine, I suppose. Adam. What…”

“I’ll have to fill you in another time, Henry.” Adam grinned and patted him on the back. “Take care of this mare for me, would you? I’ve rode her pretty hard today.”

He ran back out into the sunshine. His family was nowhere to be seen. Adam walked to Sport and loosened the tether to the wagon. The horse whinnied in recognition and nuzzled him affectionately. Adam put his face on his friend’s and ran his hand through his mane.

“Oh, Sport. It is so good to see you.” Adam said, rubbing his smooth neck. Adam closed his eyes, happiness and excitement brewing deep within him. He couldn’t wait to see his family.

“Get away from that horse.”

Adam stood with his back to Joe and he grinned slyly. How cruel to wait another moment, but how perfect an opportunity to get his little brother at his own game. He cleared his throat and spoke deeply, disguising his voice.

“But he’s mine.” Adam said.

“Mister, you’ve got three seconds to get your hands off that horse or I’m gonna put a bullet in you and I don’t care if you’re back to me or not.” Joe said.

Adam turned around. “Joseph.” he said. “You’ve got to learn to control that temper.”

Joe fell backwards, his face wide in horror. The gun fell from his hands. Adam laughed, then choked back tears. “Joe, it’s me.” he said, tenderly. “I’m all right. Thank God you are, too.”

Joe stared up at him in disbelief. “Adam?”

“I’m all right, Joe. I’m not dead. I’ve been trying to get back to you.”

Joe stood. He laughed slightly, then began to cry. “Adam?”

“Come here.” Adam held his arms open and Joe ran into them, squeezing him with all his might.

“Adam! Thank God!” Joe said, laughing through his tears. “Oh, Adam!”

Adam rubbed the boy’s face. “I’ve been so worried about you, kid.”

Joe gazed upon him as if he were a god. “How…”

“We’ve got time for all that later. Right now we’ve got to find Pa and Hoss.”

“They’re getting you…whoever they think is you…from the ice cellar.” Joe said. “Quick!”

Joe took off in a dead run almost skipping with glee. Adam followed behind him.

Hoss stood alone in front of the general store, his hands in his pockets, his face down. Joe stopped Adam when he saw him.

“Wait here just a minute.” Joe grinned and led his big brother to stand hidden behind a horse. Adam rolled his eyes and shook his head. It sure didn’t take long for things to get back to normal.

Adam watched Joe hop to Hoss. He heard the boy giggle.

“Hey, Hoss.” Joe said, laughing. “Remember when you said you’d do anything to get Adam back?”

Hoss looked up and Adam saw the suffering in his brother’s face. Now, the joke was over. If Joe didn’t stop it soon, he would.

“Remember?” Joe said. “Would you do my chores for a year, Hoss?”

“What’s wrong with you, Joe?” Hoss asked. He was angry.

“Just tell me. Would you do my chores for a whole year to get Adam back?” Joe was grinning, but Hoss was not. Adam walked out into the open.

“Hoss. It’s me.” Adam said. He swallowed so not to become emotional. “I’m ok.”

“Jeez, what’d you do that for, Adam?” Joe said. “I had him in the palm of my hands!”

Hoss stared at Adam, but did not smile. Adam walked towards him.

“Big guy, I swear it’s me.” Adam said. ” I look like hell, I know, but it’s me.”

Hoss stepped down from the porch, still frowning. He grabbed Adam’s face and studied it for a moment. “Adam.” he said, then burst into a huge smile. “WOOHOO!!! It’s my brother, everybody!!!!!” He picked Adam up and shook him violently. “WOOHOO!!!! MY BROTHER’S OK!!!!!”

Laughing, Hoss hugged Adam until Adam lost his breath. Joe laughed on the sidelines.

“You squeeze me any tighter, you’re going to kill me.” Adam said.

“Oh sorry, big brother.” Hoss laughed. He tousled Adam’s hair. “I’m just so happy! How on earth…”

“Let’s save the stories for Pa.” Adam said.

“Sure.” Hoss nodded, he wrapped his arm snugly around his brother’s shoulder.

They turned around and stopped dead in their tracks. Their father stood watching them a few yards away. His face looked haggard and old. Adam felt a knot rise into his throat.

“Pa.” Adam said.

Ben stared for a moment. “Adam?”

Adam nodded. “I’m here, Pa.”

Ben fell to his knees. All three of them ran over and Adam dropped quickly to the ground. He took his father’s shoulders in his hands. “Pa…I’m here. I’m all right. Running Bear saved me, Pa.”

Ben sobbed heartily. “Dear God…my son…you gave him back to me!” he cried. “My boy…my Adam…”

“Pa…pa…” Adam said, unnerved by his father’s weeping. He had never seen him cry like this before. His heart ached for him. “I’m sorry, Pa. So sorry.”

Ben grabbed him and stared into his eyes. “Adam, what could you ever be sorry for?” he said. “It is I who should beg your forgiveness. You must know, Adam. The sorrow, the grief…”

“I told you I understood, Pa.” he said, he bit his bottom lip to keep from crying. “I meant it. Please…don’t cry anymore.”

Adam stood and brought his father up with him. Ben pulled him to his chest the same way he had the day he the Indians took him from him. “Adam – I lost you! I lost my son.” he sobbed. “How I love you, Adam and how grateful I am that you’re here, you’re alive…” Ben hugged him tightly and Adam pulled shyly and gently away. He nodded and as he looked at his father, tears filled his eyes.

“I love you, too, Pa.” he said, quietly. “What do you say we go home now?”

Ben nodded and stared at him with devotion and joy.

“You’ve got some stories for me too, I’m told.” Adam said, wiping his eyes inconspicuously with his shirt sleeve. He was not a man who found these displays easy and was growing uncomfortable at the spectacle that was being made of him. Five or six people had stopped to watch, all of them beaming at the sentimentality of the reunion.

Ben smiled in understanding. Joe and Hoss walked to his side. Adam sighed gratefully. He stood with his family in the street, thankful for each of them.

“Hey!” Joe smiled and slapped his brother’s back. “This doesn’t mean Adam gets special treatment from now on, does it?”

“Oh, I’m sure he’ll be the favorite son.” Ben said. He brushed a wisp of black hair from Adam’s forehead. “For a little while.”

Adam winked at his father and walked to the horses with his brothers. Ben watched his sons with elation and adoration. Tears rolled down his face and he laughed as he heard them argue good-naturedly over who was taking which horse. It was music to his ears.

The End