Summary: Something terrible happens to Joe’s girl

Rating: PG    Word count: 7100

The Dilemma

Desperate cries echoed through the deserted streets of Virginia City. I felt my hair stand on end, and a shiver ran down my spine like someone had stuffed snow down my collar. Something horrible must have happened! My girlfriend’s front door stood open. Before Cochise stopped, I jumped to the ground and ran up the stairs, taking two steps at a time.

“Jenny! What happened?”

Her sight hit me like a slap and made me freeze. My body turned icy. Every detail was memorized as my eyes scanned the room. My sweet girl crouched on the wooden floor of her quarters. Her pink dress, trimmed with white lace, was torn to shreds. She gathered the fabric before her bare breasts at the sound of my footsteps as if for protection. Her face was tear-streaked, her eyes swollen and red. Along with some buttons, needles from her upswept hair were scattered on the pine floorboards. Out of place was a knotted, black bandana. I knelt beside Jenny and gently pulled her into my arms. Asking what had happened was unnecessary—it was apparent.

“Who …?” My voice disobeyed me, and I cleared my throat.

“They blindfolded me. I couldn’t see.”

They? Was there more than one?

Her words were almost unintelligible between sobs. Pressing her face against my shoulder, she clenched her hands in my shirt, and I could feel her trembling. “Oh, Joe!”

Until her tears ran dry, we sat together on the hard wooden floor. I’m rarely at a loss for words, but what could I say in a situation like this? I buried my face in her golden hair and breathed in her familiar scent of orange blossom soap. Reassuring her, I stroked her back as her fragile frame slumped in my arms.

When she pulled away, I felt wetness on my sleeve. Her face, red from crying, had dark bruises spreading across her delicate peach skin. My eyes wandered over her body. Embarrassed, she lowered her head, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief. “I’m a mess!”

“I love you anyway,” I whispered, kissing her damp cheek. “Come on, let’s get you to bed. You can change and wash your face.” Lifting the petite body in my arms, I carried her to her bedroom.

I hesitated. Could I help her wash and change? We had yet to be intimate. I shook my head. No, that was out of the question. “Jenny, let me get you something to wash up. Where’s your, uh, night clothes?”

“In the drawer over there.”

“Can you…?”

“Yes, I can do it myself. Will you wait outside? Please don’t leave!”

I stepped back into the room after Jenny had changed. It was a typical women’s bedroom with light blue bedding, frilly curtains, and a dresser with a mirror filled with countless bottles, creams, combs, and brushes. With the bedspread covering her to the chin, only a tiny portion of her nightgown showed.

My chest tightened up in pain; my darling looked so vulnerable! The discomfort at being in the bedroom of a half-naked woman was not something I could consider at the moment. My girl needed me now! A woman’s reputation was essential, and Pa had raised us to be decent men. The corners of my mouth twisted into a bitter line. After what had happened, I still cared about her reputation! I realized how ridiculous that was.

I walked over to the bed to put the wash bowl away. Horrified, I noticed that the sloshing water was reddish. The realization hit me as sharp as a whiplash. My eyes wandered to the crumpled pile of bloodied and torn skirts and petticoats on the floor.

“Jenny, you’re hurt!” My voice was as helpless and desperate as I felt. It was unbearable to think about what had happened. Someone brutally assaulted my beautiful girl! “I’ll get the doctor!” Concerned about all the blood, I turned to the door.

“No, no doctor!” The tears started again. “Nobody must find out!”

“Paul Martin is the kindest, most compassionate doctor I know. You’re bleeding, and there’s no telling how badly you’re hurt!”

“Joe, no!”

But I didn’t back down.

“Miss Taylor, Little Joe told me what happened.” Paul Martin entered Jenny’s sleeping room behind me. With eyes wide open, she clung to the bedspread. The last thing she wanted was for another man to intrude on her privacy. But Paul was a sensitive physician; he would be gentle. “Joe, would you wait outside?”

I breathed a kiss on Jenny’s forehead, stroked her hair, and left. In the living room, I leaned against the I leaned against the papered wall. As my legs were on the verge of giving way, I slid down to the floor. My chest felt like it would burst with pent-up emotions, and I buried my face in my hands. Compassion for my darling, guilt for not protecting her, and anger towards the culprits raged inside me. If I found those responsible, I would kill them!

A dull ache throbbed in my temples as Paul came out of the room a short time later. His unmoving mine betrayed nothing of what he had seen or dealt with. “Well?” I asked, getting to my feet. Afraid of what the doctor might say, I filled my lungs with deep breaths.

“I gave her something to sleep. I won’t tell you the details, but the injuries are not life-threatening. Emotional pain is much worse than physical pain. You might want to think about telling Roy; maybe the attackers can be found.”

“I’ll have to ask Jenny. Thank you, Doc. Can I see her?” Paul nodded, squeezing my shoulder in sympathy.

Kneading my hat, I stepped into the room and stared at the crumpled clothes still on the floor. I would dispose of them later. “Darling, are you okay?” What a stupid question; of course, she wasn’t okay!

She nodded and reached for me. “Joe? I don’t want to be alone. Come over here.”

I sat down on the edge of the bed. “You want to talk?”

Jenny shook her head and clutched my hand. Her fingers felt as cold as ice. The drug relaxed her and softened her features. Just before falling asleep, she began to speak. I had to lean in close to make out the soft voice. Some burdens are too heavy to carry on your own.

“It was two men. There was a knock at the door, and I thought you were coming to take me to the dance. I couldn’t see much because it was dark. I could make out well-worn, huge cowboy boots before something was tied around my eyes. One named Phil. They reeked of whiskey and chewing tobacco. The men dragged me to the living room. One ripped my dress while the other held me down. I yelled, but they just laughed. They were so strong!” She spoke fast as if to get it over. Her voice sounded matter-of-fact and distant, and it wasn’t until the last few words that the emotions began to show through again: “They took turns. One held me while the other … I can’t describe it. I never want to talk about it; just forget everything.” She sighed and closed her eyes. “I’m tired. Please promise to stay!”

“I’ll stay until you fall asleep.” I took deep breaths, trying to find the right words, but phrases like “everything will be fine” and “you’ll get over it” were meaningless.

My mind felt numb as I got up from her bed. No man ever wants to hear something like that. What was I supposed to do? A visit to the sheriff’s office? I glanced at the pale, fragile-looking face. It was almost as white as the pillows she lay on, except for the blue bruising and swelling on her cheeks. Dark marks were also visible on her neck from fingers strangling her. I tried not to think about what the rest of her body would look like and what kind of injuries the doctor found.

When she woke up, Jenny shouldn`t see the torn clothes, so I took them with me. Avoiding a closer look, I crumpled the bloody cloth into a tight bundle. These guys were reckless and brutal animals! They deserved to die!

Rage began to well up inside me. How could men do that to a woman? My shoulders hurt because the muscles were so tight, and I had to fight the urge to slam my fists against the wall. Adam would tell me not to rush but to proceed in a considered way and with a plan. Closing the door behind me, I stepped out into the street.

My first stop was the Silver Dollar Saloon. I had an idea who the culprits might be. To my knowledge, there was only one Phil in town.

The saloon was filled with the usual sounds and smells of Saturday night. Beer, whiskey, laughter, and a whiff of cheap perfume hit me. Saloon girls in low-cut dresses mingled with cowboys and miners, happily spending their weekly wages on drinks. In a corner, a run-down drifter played his guitar.

“Sam, give me a beer!” I flipped a coin on the counter and accepted the frothy brew. Leaning back against the bar, my eyes swept the crowd. It lingered on the Gavlin brothers, sitting at a corner table with two other men. A half-empty bottle of whiskey was on the fabric-covered tabletop, and they played a poker game. Phil’s eyes met mine. He nudged his brother, Zeke, pointing his chin in my direction. I took a big gulp of my beer and pushed past several tables until I stood before them, thumbs hooked into my belt.

“Howdy, Little Joe Cartwright!” Zeke’s grin showed brown teeth. “Join us; I’ll buy you a drink!”

“I drink only with my friends!”

“Look at the kid puffing!” laughed Phil. His foul whiskey breath hit my face. Both had unkempt stubble and shabby clothes.

“Where have you been tonight?” My eyes darted back and forth between their faces, lingering so as not to miss their reaction to my question.

“We`ve been here all evening. Ask our friends!”

Affirmative nods were given by the two cowboys sitting with them. “Yeah, we had a couple of whiskey shots and a game of cards.”

“Why do you ask, kid?” Zeke scratched his head.

“Someone told me that you were with my friend Jenny Taylor.”

Phil opened his eyes in surprise: “Jenny? Isn’t that the little one who lives around the corner from the barbershop? Why would we go to see her if she’s your girl?”

“Yeah, if anyone says we went there, they’re lying!” Zeke gave his brother a nudge, and they both burst out laughing.

“You guys are liars!” I lashed out and punched Phil’s face. As he fell backward, chair and all, blood shot from his nose, which brought a grim smile to my face. His brother and friends jumped to their feet with fists clenched, ready to fight.

“Little Joe, no!” Fred Roberts, a neighbor’s son, and Mitch grabbed my arms. “Don’t start any trouble,” he hissed in my ear, shaking me until I came to my senses. The chatter in the saloon had died down. We had the full attention of the men around us.

My mind raced while I fought against my excitement. I was sure the Gavlin brothers attacked Jenny. Their dirty grin and feigned, innocent gaze told me everything I needed to know. It would be satisfying to beat that scum to a pulp. Everything fit. Big, scuffed boots, whiskey breath, and Phil not wearing a scarf. Did he tie it around my girl’s eyes?

“All right, fellows, I’m calm.” I broke free of their grip and headed back to the bar. Maybe Sam had seen the brothers leave during the evening. They claimed to have been in the saloon all night, and Jenny`s description was vague and fit many men around here. Their friends would lie, of course, so I couldn’t prove the two were guilty, even though my gut told me they were.

To drown out the noise in the saloon, I rested my elbows on the bar and leaned forward. “Sam, did the Gavlins leave the saloon during the evening?”

The bartender wiped a pool of beer from the scratched wooden surface and squinted. “Yes, they were out once. They had much to drink, so I thought they might go to the outhouse.”

A wave of excitement washed over me. This was proof, right? “When did they return?”

“I’m sorry, Little Joe, I can’t tell you. I ignored them because there was so much going on here. It could have been a couple of minutes or half an hour.”

“Thanks, Sam.”

I didn’t blame him. The bartender was attentive but couldn’t keep track of all the coming and going on a Saturday night. My shoulders slumped, and I leaned against the counter while a paralyzing tiredness overcame me. The last gulp of my beer tasted stale. My head ached from the noise in the saloon, so I stepped outside into the cool night air.

“Come on, Cooch, let’s get you to the stable; it’s too late to ride home.” I planned to spend the night on Jenny’s settee in the living room. Let the people talk.

I lay on the short sofa in Jenny’s living room, legs bent, arms crossed behind my head. Though exhausted to the bone, I couldn’t sleep. What would this event mean for our future? How could a woman get over such a horrible thing? I was determined to do whatever was necessary to help her.

Rolling onto my side, I drew the blanket hanging on the back of the settee over my body.

Should I challenge the Gavlins to a gunfight? I couldn’t let them get away without punishment. Pa would disapprove. He believed that the law should prosecute a crime, but what if that wasn’t possible due to a lack of evidence?

The dull pressure behind my forehead increased. I could have prevented everything if I had been half an hour earlier. Jenny and I would have gone dancing and enjoyed each other’s company. With a sigh, I got up and turned on the lamp. Still, in my socks, I walked over to the pitcher and poured myself a glass of water.

Was Jenny sleeping? I had the urge to make sure. After knocking on the bedroom door, I opened it a crack. The dim light from the turned-down lamp cast shadows on my girl’s relaxed face. Thank God she was asleep. The doctor had left some powders, and I would make sure my girl took them.

Jenny was fine for the moment. She looked peaceful. Maybe sleep would come to me, too. I smoothed the blanket with a gentle gesture, careful not to disturb her, closing the door with a last loving look.

“Joe, it’s good you’re here!” My girl looked up at me through cloudy, still reddened eyes as I stepped into her room, balancing a breakfast tray in my hand.

The bruises on her pale face and wrists were more visible now than the night before, and I tried to push aside the unwelcome thought of what caused them. I pulled up an armchair beside the bed and sat down, smiling a fake smile.  My chin felt stubby, the good white shirt I’d worn for dancing was wrinkled, and the string tie hung loose and crooked around my neck.

“You have to eat something!” I urged, holding out a cup of coffee to Jenny as I eyed her. It surprised me to see none of the tears I expected. Jenny sipped the strong brew and seemed composed. It was hard to tell, but maybe she just felt numb, or Doc’s drugs still worked. I tried to read her emotions on her face, but all I saw was an infinite tiredness and emptiness.

“I’m going to contact Pa’s lawyer—I won’t mention any names—and get you a temporary hotel room. Will you be all right?”

“Yes, Joe, I’m fine.”

I grimaced, knowing it was a lie, but they were exactly the words I had always used when Pa asked how I was.

As I was about to leave, she called after me in a voice dripping with hate: “If you find the bastards who attacked me, make them suffer!”

I widened my eyes in surprise. I’d never heard her speak like that before, but it seemed more natural than the absent-mindedness she’d shown before. Lost in thoughts, I rubbed the scraped knuckles of my left hand and nodded, the lump in my throat too thick to answer. At least I knew what Jenny expected from me. Nevertheless, my first step was to meet Hiram Wood, the lawyer.

Mr. Wood sat opposite me at his desk, leaning forward with his hands folded. He wore an expensive-looking dark blue suit and a spotless white shirt. Countless law books were lined up in a cabinet with glass doors behind him, and stacks of important-looking documents were piled next to ink and pens on the desk. Framed certificates adorned the walls, and the room smelled of tobacco and fresh coffee.

“How can I help you, Little Joe?”

My eyes wandered over my wrinkled clothes, and I tried to smooth out some of the folds, but the lawyer was a professional and did not comment on my appearance.

“I have a question. What if two men were to attack a woman and … hm … have their way with her? The woman is hurt, but the injury isn`t life-threatening. She only hears a name and sees a pair of old boots. The men claim they were in the saloon all night and have friends who can testify.”

“Rape is an easy charge to make, hard to prove, and even harder to defend. Those are the standard jury instructions in cases like this, Joe. Besides, any good defense attorney would shred the woman’s testimony if there’s nothing more than a name and some boots. The woman might want to think hard about whether to risk having it all come out at a trial. Regarding a man`s word versus a woman`s, courts tend to favor men if there´s no evidence.”

“But there is evidence! One of them has forgotten his neckerchief.”

“Even if she has seen a doctor and he confirms the rape,”—I winced at the word—“you don`t have hard evidence who did it. A bandana is not proof unless it is a unique scarf that can be associated with the person, preferably with initials embroidered on it. I’m sorry, Joe, there’s little chance of success in that case.”

“Thank you, Mr. Wood.” My shoulders slumped. I had expected such a response, but I wouldn’t give up that easily.

I kicked a stone out of my way in fury. I had talked to a few more men who had been in the saloon yesterday, but none of them had noticed anything or wanted to give me information. The next thing I would do was to get Jenny out of her house. By the time the morning was over, I hadn’t accomplished anything. Well, at least I had organized a room for my girl.

Jenny had hooked herself onto me while I carried her packed suitcase in my other hand. “I got a room for you at Mrs. O’Brian’s boarding house. She’s a motherly and caring woman and will keep an eye on you.”

“Yes, I know her. Thank you, Joe. I’ve always felt safe in my house, but now …” She fell silent.

The widow opened the door with a bright smile. It flickered when she saw the blue marks on my darling’s face. Mrs. O’Brian was a nosy and fat woman with a good heart. Even though she always flirted with me and made no secret that she would like a Cartwright for a husband, I was fond of her.

The elderly lady quickly regained her composure. “Hello, Little Joe! Hello Miss Taylor! Come on in!” Curious eyes sparkled as she appraised us, but she was too polite to ask.

The room was nicely decorated, with a plant on the dresser, lace curtains, crochet blankets, and a bed with pink striped sheets with ruffles on them—I guessed women liked that kind of stuff.

We sat on the settee, drinking coffee, which I had gotten from the pot on the kitchen stove. As if she needed a shield from the outside world, Jenny had scooted to the far corner, pulled her legs up, and snuggled under a quilt. She stared blankly at the floor, both hands clutching her cup.

“I want these guys to be punished for what they did! Let’s go to the sheriff and press charges!”

Jenny’s voice sounded determined: “No, Joe. I won’t tell anyone. I want to forget what happened and continue with my life. No sheriff, no lawyer.”

“But you can’t just carry on as if nothing had happened! You should—.”

She shot an angry glare in my direction. “Yes, I can. Just leave me alone. Men always seem to know best. Have you forgotten what it’s like to have Adam bossing you around? You do the same thing with me!”

“Honey, I didn’t mean to—” I stared at her wide-eyed.

“You can go home, Joe. I can manage by myself. I know you`re always busy at the ranch.”

I imagined feeling her cold rejection building up between us like a wall. My girl tried to get rid of me. Maybe she couldn’t stand a man near her or needed time to think things over.

“Okay, if that’s what you wish, I’m going. I’ll be back tomorrow night.” I stood and leaned over to kiss her goodbye, but she turned her head so my lips landed on her ear. The gesture hurt worse than a bullet wound. Where had our trust and love gone? All I wanted was to help her.

Walking out the door, I pulled on my jacket and headed toward the livery stable where Cochise waited. It wouldn’t be surprising if one of my brothers showed up searching for me because I hadn’t come home that night, and nobody knew why.

The door creaked as it opened. Thoughts still on Jenny, I stepped into the dim half-light of the stable, where the familiar smell of horses and hay surrounded me. Several animals stood in their stalls. Cochise greeted me with a soft snort as he lifted his head and pricked up his ears. The stable employee was nowhere to be seen.

“Bill? Are you in there? I need my horse!”

I heard a loud crash as the door slammed shut behind me. Spinning around, I faced Phil and Zeke Gavlin. Damn. I hadn’t expected that.

My apparent surprise amused the brothers. They exchanged a victorious glance.

My fingertips brushed the butt of my pistol, but Phil’s revolver was already trained on my stomach. “Take the gun nice and easy with two fingers and throw it over here!”

With gritted teeth, I obeyed, although I suspected what they were up to.

“Who did you expect, the stable hand? We gave him a few hours off! We figured you’d show up sooner or later, boy!”

Their arms dangled at their sides with clenched fists. “You’re snooping, Cartwright, and we don’t like that.”

The brothers came up to me, lurking like predators circling prey. The smell of their whiskey breath and their unwashed bodies nearly gagged me. My eyes shot around the barn. There was no way out. My only option was to fight. Two against one wasn’t fair, but you couldn’t expect the Gavlins to fight fairly. “We’ll teach you a lesson, so you’ll learn not to stick your nose where it doesn’t belong.”

“It is my business if my girl gets attacked.”

Phil’s grin was dirty. “She enjoyed it, didn’t she? A woman needs a real man, not a kid like you.”

“Or two men!” Zeke’s sardonic laugh sounded like a goat’s bleating.

My face distorted into a grimace of fury. How could they talk about a girl like that? Heat rose in my head, and my heartbeat accelerated. I straightened up and stood to my full height. “You both feel strong, huh? You are too chicken for a fair fight!”

Zeke laughed and put on the bottle of whiskey that always seemed to accompany him. Golden fluid gurgled down his throat.

“Look what a big mouth this kid has! Rich, spoiled brat!” Holstering his gun, Phil spat and reached for the bottle. “Hand it over!”

“You want to take us on, boy? Do you trust yourself to defend the honor of your girl? Papa’s not here to help you, kid!”

I knew they were trying to provoke me. When it came to fighting, I was not known for backing down. “You will pay for this, and I will kill you!” The image of hitting the brothers in the face, over and over again, until they were just a bloody mess flashed through my mind. The thought felt good! A bullet would be too quick and merciful!

“Don’t be so touchy, boy; we’re just having a little fun. Nothing happened to your girl. Women like to be taken hard.”

“She’ll never forget that night. It was just a lucky coincidence. As we went outside to piss, we saw her silhouette in the bright window. I thought, why pay a whore when we can take what we want?”

Hearing the guys talk like that was torture. My belly bubbled with hot acid, and I was dying to wipe that dirty grin off their faces. “You guys are scum. I knew from the beginning it was you!”

“We’ll deny it if you tell anyone. Nobody’s seen us. It will be your word against ours!”

Phil emptied the bottle and threw it into a corner. “She was great, your Jenny! Was she still a virgin? We took good care of her.”

The attack is the best defense, my brother Adam told me. Two quick steps brought me to the man, who was too surprised to react. I landed an excellent blow to Phil’s chin, putting all my weight into the left hook. He stumbled back.

Zeke’s fist hit my cheek, making me slam against the wall. A groan escaped me, and my hand shot to the bleeding gash. My next punch landed in Zeke’s face, and the crack of his breaking nose made me smile. Phil had gotten back up on his feet, attacking me from the side. He punched me in my ribs, forcing the air out of my lungs. Before I could catch my breath, they were both on me. I yanked my arms up to protect my face, but the fists rained down like hail. Kidneys, stomach, ribs–I got the worst of it. Though half drunk, they were two strong men with fighting experience!

When I landed one lucky kick on Zeke`s knee, it crunched, sending him howling to the ground. One down, one remains.

A blade glistened, and I pulled my forearm up for protection. With a sickening crunch, steel met bone. The pain shot up my arm like a blazing bolt of lightning.

A groan escaped from deep inside me. If I didn’t give everything, I’d die here! By grabbing Phillip`s wrist, I dodged the blade and slammed his hand into the ladder leading to the loft. Bones cracked, and with a yell, he dropped the knife. When his knee hit my groin, my legs gave way. Moaning, I pressed both hands down on the center of the agony. A blow like that knocks a man out of action, no matter how tough he is!

“Cartwright!”

The call made me spin around. Zeke, still on the ground, had his gun out. I wondered why he didn’t shoot me in the back. I was quick with a weapon, and my aim was famous all over town. I might have had a chance if my gun wasn’t in the straw.

Still fighting the hellish pain in my groin, I let myself plop down on the floor the second Zeke fired. Tense as a feather, I waited for the bullet to strike. The bang died away, and I couldn’t understand why I felt no pain. Instead, Phil Gavlin collapsed, clutching his chest. A red stain bloomed on his dirty gray shirt like an opening rose, spreading fast.

The stable door slammed against the wall, splintering the wood, and a massive figure rushed in. As the world around me blurred at the edges, I could make out Hoss’s big white hat. Feeling gentle hands on my shoulders, I saw his blurry frame above me. Then everything went dark.

Blinking, I opened my eyes and tried to eliminate the leaden feeling of drowsiness in my head. First, I saw a familiar face leaning over me, his concern evident in his eyes and furrowed brow. “Hoss?” I croaked, and a glass of cool water was pressed into my hand. A sharp pain shot through my left forearm as I brought it to my lips. Puzzled, I eyed the thick white bandage.

“You were lucky, Little Joe,” Paul Martin said, returning the empty glass. “Those two worked you up pretty good. You have mostly bruises, but I had to stitch up a deep gash in your arm.”

I touched my sore and swollen face. My head felt like someone was hammering it to the beat of my heart.

“I wish I didn’t keep waking up in your office, Paul,” I muttered. “How did you find me, Hoss?”

“You didn’t come home, so we were worried. Someone saw you going into the barn. As I approached, fighting sounds came from inside, so I broke down the door. I had a feeling my little brother would be in trouble.” Hoss’ blue eyes rested on me, worried and loving. When he stroked my hair, I felt like a schoolboy.

“What happened to the Gavlins?”

Paul helped me put my shirt on. It was bloody and torn and would only be suitable for rags. “Phillip is dead; he got shot in the chest. Roy said his brother hit him by accident. Ezekiel has a broken kneecap and will never walk without a limp.”

“Good,” I mumbled between clenched teeth as Hoss helped me stand up, testing if my legs would carry me. I got my revenge, but all I felt was exhaustion and blankness. There was no satisfaction in getting even. It didn’t change a thing, not to Jenny or me. “Let’s go home, Hoss. I’ll tell you about it later. I don’t want to repeat the story to every family member.”

******

It was hard to believe that it had already been over three months since the attack. Everyday life had caught up with me, and Jenny and I saw each other mostly on weekends. Our close, loving relationship had changed. My girl had changed. No, I didn’t blame her; someone who goes through this is never the same. As far as I knew, she had confided in no one else. She was friends with Mrs. Burton, the owner of Burton’s millinery shop, and had worked for her, but lately, she felt too exhausted.

Lost in thought, I sat on the buckboard on the way to town. Jenny agreed to accompany me on a trip, although it took me time to convince her. I longed for a relaxing evening with someone I could have a good time with, laughing and dancing, but those carefree days were over, and I was ashamed of my wishes. Jenny didn’t like being around other people anymore. Mostly, we sat on the settee in her room, talking. Okay, I did the talking to cheer my girl up.

After I picked Jenny up, we rode through the wild countryside towards the lake. The sun warmed our faces, and only isolated clouds were driven by the wind. We could see the lake’s blue through the tall pines. The air smelled fresh from last night’s spring rain, and I hoped that the beauty of the landscape would filter through to Jenny. I couldn’t. She sat beside me, but I felt her mind was far away.

Her shoulders tightened, and she turned to me with a look of determination. “Joe, there`s something I must tell you. I’m … having a baby.”

“What?” I stopped the horse team. My heart got heavy. “Darling, are you sure?” My hand rested on her knotted hands.

“Yes, I’m sure. I’m nauseous, and all the other … um, signs are there.”

“Have you seen Doc Martin?”

“No! That`s not necessary. I know. Believe me.”

“Oh God!” The full extent of it began to dawn on me. My mind raced. What was I supposed to do? There was only one possibility. “Jenny … if you … will you … marry me?”

“Marry you?”

“Yes. Everyone would think it was my child, and you wouldn’t have to explain a thing.”

“Oh, Joe, you’re sweet.” Jenny smiled, but a wet gleam showed in her eyes. “I don’t even know if I want this child and would be able to love it. It would always remind me of what happened.”

“But Jenny, what will you do?”

“There are ways, Joe.”

I pulled my hand back, staring into her face. “What are you talking about? You … can’t do this. It would be wrong. Besides … women die from it.”

“Women also die in childbirth.”

“Honey, marry me. This will be our baby.”

“Joe, I can’t. Besides, men have needs. I don’t think I can ever be close to a man again. You’ll be unhappy, Joe; maybe you’ll even come to loathe me. I don’t want you to marry me out of obligation.”

I kneaded the reins in my hands, not knowing what to say. Somehow, she was right. How could I be married to a woman and not share her bed? Pa would advise me not to rush into anything and to think about the consequences. “We’ll figure something out,” I said, looking out at Lake Tahoe, which stretched out in front of us in all its glory. I put my arm around Jenny`s shoulder and held her close, feeling her trembling.

“I know you don`t love me anymore, Joe. It`s not your fault. I’m not the same girl that I used to be. Let’s go back now. I’m cold.”

I lowered my head, holding the reins in my hand. Jenny was right. I never wanted to admit that I didn`t love her anymore. Was I a bad person because I felt this way? Did I only love women if I could laugh and have fun with them? “Let’s go home!” The reins slapped down on the horses’ backs.

During dinner, I felt Pa’s brown eyes watching me. He knew something troubled me. As we made ourselves comfortable in front of the fireplace, Adam sat in his favorite blue chair with a book and Hoss on the settee. Pa went to get two glasses and the brandy decanter.

“Do you want to talk, Joseph?”

I thought about talking to Pa alone but decided it didn’t matter. My brothers would find out anyway. I heaved a deep sigh. “Yeah.”

Without saying a word, Pa poured us some brandy. “We’re going to need it, judging by the look on your face.”

Hoss paused while setting up to play checkers; I noticed him watching us out of the corner of his eye. I threw back the shot, enjoying the warm feeling in my stomach.

“Out with it, son. What’s eating you?”

There was no easy way to say this: “Jenny is going to have a baby.”

“Oh, Joseph!” Pa put his hand on my leg, expressing his love and support. “I assume it’s not your baby.”

“No, it’s not. Pa, I offered to marry her.”

He inhaled deeply, frowning. “Son, do you have any idea what that means?”

“It seemed the only option.”

“Are you in love with her?”

I held out my glass for a second drink. Unprompted, Pa refilled. “I thought I was. But she has changed so much these past months. She’s often cold to me, sometimes moody and withdrawn. She’s not the fun-loving girl I used to know.”

“Joseph, I want you to be happy. Do you want to spend a lifetime with a woman you married on pity? You are a responsible young man, and I admire your decision. No matter what you do, I will stand behind you.”

“Thanks, Pa. Maybe things would be different when the child was born. We might find our way back together. But she also said that she could never be … um … with a man. And I can’t imagine …” Talking about such intimate things with my family was hard for me. Adam pretended to read, but he had yet to turn a page, and Hoss looked intently at the checkers he flipped in his hands.

“Did you talk with your girlfriend? What`s her opinion?”

I twirled my empty brandy glass. “She doesn’t want the baby. It will always remind her of the attack.”

Pa stood up, put his hands in his pockets, and started pacing. “There might be a way to put the child up for adoption. There are always couples who can’t have kids and would love a baby.”

“Jenny doesn`t want anyone to know about the abuse. People would think it was my child and wonder why we didn`t marry. Pa, I don’t know what to do!”

“Doesn’t she have relatives to go to during her pregnancy?”

“No, her parents are dead; she’s alone.” The whole thing gave me a throbbing headache. Trying to ease the pain, I rubbed my temples.

“Joseph, the two of you must decide this together. I have many connections. If Miss Taylor wants that, I can put her up with some friends until the baby comes. I’ll have to write a couple of telegrams or letters, but something could be arranged.”

“Thank you, Pa. On Saturday, Jenny and I will work out a plan.” I stood and stretched, yawning. “I’m turning in. Sorry, Hoss, no game tonight!”

It was the weekend, and I was on my way to Virginia City. I had persuaded Jenny to go to the barn dance. We could have a good time and figure out how to solve the problem with the child afterward. I frowned at the thought. You’re supposed to be happy about a baby, not think about it as a problem. I had already taken my girl’s opinion!

The laughter and applause from the barn almost drowned out the sounds of an accordion and fiddle. My anticipation of the dance increased. The lantern above the door gave off a warm, inviting glow. Smiling, I tied Cooch up in front of the barn and hurried across the street to pick up Jenny, hoping the evening and the excellent atmosphere may cheer her up.

“Howdy, Roy!” When the sheriff approached me with a severe expression, an evil foreboding rose within me. “Are you going to arrest me? What did I do?” I tried a joke to dub the sudden nausea in my stomach and the bitter taste in my mouth.

“Little Joe, come to my office. We have to talk.”

“What is it, Roy? What’s going on? Until you tell me, I’m not moving from this spot.”

“I’m sorry, son. I didn`t want to tell you in the middle of the street, but your girlfriend’s dead.”

“Dead? No, it can’t be. I saw her last Saturday.” My jaw tightened. How could Roy say something so absurd? I turned to go to her house. Pretty quick for a man his age, the sheriff rushed after me, grabbing my arm. I spun around to face him. “What is it, Roy?”

The sheriff knew me too well to be impressed by my angry, flashing eyes and loud voice. “It’s true, Joe. She rented a buggy and drove to the viewpoint, where couples go for a picnic.”

“What are you trying to tell me?”

“Someone found the abandoned buckboard.”

My chest was so tight that I had trouble breathing. “What happened?” Dizzy, I leaned against the wall of the barbershop. I knew what the sheriff was about to tell me, and I wanted to cover my ears. Without seeing anything, I stared into space.

Roy’s hand on my shoulder snapped me back to reality. “She jumped off the cliff. I’m sorry.”

My eyes felt hot and dry. I still hadn’t realized what the sheriff had told me. Jenny couldn’t be dead. We had a date tonight for the dance. I tore myself away and walked to my horse.

Once again, Roy came up behind me and caught me by the arm. “Joe, wait! Come into my office.” I put up a half-hearted fight but then gave in and let him take me to his office. Roy pushed me into a chair, placing a cup of coffee before me.

“Paul said she was with child. Did you know about that?”

“About her pregnancy?” I nodded. “That she wanted to die? No, but she implied something about getting rid of the baby.” Feeling tears well up, I buried my face in my hands, trying desperately to push away the images forcing themselves upon me. A frail, shattered body at the foot of the cliff, the dress bloody and torn, the slender neck broken. “Can I see her?”

“Joe, she fell sixty feet.” Roy slid a small, black-bound Bible across the table. “This is what we found on her table.” Stunned, I picked it up and flipped it open. The first page was written in shaky, tear-stained ink: “Sorry, Joe, I love you.”

******

I sat on the grass where we had taken our final buggy ride. That was the last day I saw Jenny alive. Even though it had been eight weeks, it seemed like yesterday. Her blonde hair caressed her face like sunbeams, her blue eyes were as deep as the lake, and the delicate scent of orange blossom soap enveloped her. I looked at the glistening, beautiful Lake Tahoe, smooth as a mirror in the warm evening light.

Pa was right, as usual. Life goes on, the pain fades, and fond memories of good times together remain. Torturing myself with thoughts of what might have been was pointless.

Wiping the moisture from my eyes, I looked at Jenny`s Bible and her last words. Even if it wasn’t enough, I was there for my girl, and knowing that was comforting. I stood and swung onto Cochise with a fluid motion, steering him back to the ranch house.

The End

(April 2024)

Inspired by the song “Coward of the County” by Kenny Rogers.

Episodes referenced: Star Crossed (written by Thomas Thomson)