Summary:  In the long-awaited conclusion of the Every Purpose Under Heaven series, the family helps Joe as he seeks closure.  Along the way he is forced to deal with a friend’s struggle, a gunfight, an injury and an unplanned pregnancy.
Rating:  PG  (36,630 words)

Every Purpose Under Heaven Series:

Every Purpose Under Heaven
Another Season
Dru
All Our Yesterdays

 

All Our Yesterdays

 

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time; and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death…. (From Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow,  by William Shakespeare’s “Macbeth”)

 

Cassie Brendon stood on the wooden bridge that crossed over Miller’s Pond and impatiently tapped the toe of her right boot.  She didn’t usually mind waiting for her friend to arrive, as he never was known to be punctual.  But, it was her birthday and she WAS expecting a present, so she was beginning to wonder if he would ever show.  Just when she had decided she’d just head for her horse and stand him up this time, she heard the familiar whistle.  Turning toward the south end of the bridge she grinned to see Joe Cartwright’s smiling face approaching.

“I know, I know — let me guess — you thought I wasn’t coming!” Joe laughed and neared the girl with the bright green eyes.

“Oh I KNEW you’d come — because you knew what I’d do to you if you didn’t show up for my birthday,” Cassie replied nearing the young man who had his hands behind his back.

“Oh?  Gee I’m so sorry, I forgot it was your birthday…”

Cassie tried to get to whatever Joe was trying his best to hide behind him.  He side-stepped her several times and then gave up.  “Okay, here you go — you greedy little girl!” Joe handed the girl two presents and the two young people sat  on the bridge, dangling their legs down between the rafters towards the waterline.

“I’m greedy alright,” Cassie laughed and looked between the two wrapped gifts.  “Which one should I open first, Joe?”

“Oh whichever one isn’t hissing,” Joe smiled and wrapped his arm around the girl’s shoulder.

“Okay,” Cassie played right along, lifting each one to her ear and shaking them.  “Sounds like they both hiss!”

Joe’s trilling laughter sang out and he returned, “then open the big one — that one doesn’t have as much venom as the little one does — you know kinda like you!”

Cassie playfully smacked Joe’s arm and then tore into the largest of the two  packages and pulled out a beautiful floral lace shawl.  “Joe!  It’s beautiful — now don’t tell me YOU picked this out?”

“Who else — you think I asked Hoss to get you the danged thing?  And, if you think I liked going into that women’s store — well I tell you I don’t think I’ll ever live it down.  I’m just glad no-one saw me!  I’ve got my reputation to think of, you know?”

To that statement the couple both laughed in unison.  Joe didn’t care about his reputation any more, and hadn’t for six months.  But that was altogether another story, one that neither of them chose to discuss, at least not this day.

Cassie placed the scarf around her shoulders and asked, “So, what do you think?”

“I think you’re beautiful,” Joe nodded and kissed her cheek.

“Yeah — I know — it’s a curse, huh?”

“Did I mention you’re also modest?” Joe grinned.

“Okay, well, I’ll accept that.  Just like you — I guess that’s why we couldn’t be anything more than friends, right?  I mean — we’re both too conceited it would never work!”

“No, it’s not because of that.  It’s like I’ve always said, Cassie dear, you’re the only gal that ever beat me at arm wrestling — and that’s just one thing I can’t cotton to from a wife.”

Cassie playfully jabbed her elbow into Joe’s side and then turned to unwrap the last gift.  It was a book of poems.  “Oh, Joe, it’s great!” She cried and immediately began thumbing through the table of contents.

“Well, you did tell me you’re still thinking about taking that school teacher exam, right?  So, I figured a little culture couldn’t hurt you.”

“Very funny — hey here’s Mr. Shakespeare!”

Joe rolled his eyes and sighed, “come on, Cassie, darling, I get enough of the Old Bard from Adam!”

Cassie drew herself to standing and began her soliloquy, “Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time, and all our yesterdays — “

Joe stood and put his hand over the young lady’s mouth, ending the poetry reading.  “Save it for the stage!” Joe quipped.

Cassie threw her arms around Joe and hugged him closely.  “You’re my best friend, Joe — even though you are so very rude!  Thanks for meeting me here.  I always think of you whenever I come to this place.  It was our meeting place when we were little — and no matter how old we get —- it will always be special to me!”

“Hey — don’t say old, okay?  I mean I’m only six months older than you — so we’re both twenty now — that’s not too old, right?” Joe grinned as he walked her to the end of the bridge and over to her mare.

“No, we’re only beginning — remember — we have all our yesterdays to remember —and all our tomorrows still ahead of us!” Cassie hugged Joe one last time and mounted her horse.

“Happy Birthday, Cassie!  Now you best get home before your pa thinks you’ve run off with riff-raff like me,” Joe called up to the girl.

“Oh you’re far worse than riff-raff, Joe!” Cassie giggled, “But, I do have to get going.  Thanks again, Joe.  Hey, I’ll meet you at the dance Saturday —and TRY to be on time, huh?”

Joe nodded, “Yes, Miss Cassie — see you Saturday!” Joe waved as the girl turned her horse and headed back towards Virginia City.

 

“Where is the kid?!” Adam yelled coming inside the ranch house and slamming the door to show his ire.

Ben, sitting by the fireplace, looked over at his eldest son and shook his head and sighed.  He couldn’t count the number of times that Adam had entered the house that exact same way, and used those very words, always referring to Joseph.  “Okay, what’s the trouble THIS time, Son?” he called over wearily.

Adam slammed his hat down onto the credenza and walked towards his father.  “That kid was supposed to be helping Hoss and me get the haying done.  He just ran off, without as much as a word to either of us.  Now where is that little son of a — gun,” he had to rephrase the term that he had wanted to use concerning his brother.

“Well, he came home, had Hop Sing heat up bath water and as far as I know he’s getting ready for the dance.  Aren’t you and Hoss planning on going, too?”

“You know I’m supposed to be playing with the band tonight — and so did Joe!  If he had helped us, like he was supposed to I wouldn’t be running late right now.  You know Hoss and I would like to get in early once and awhile and get our baths.”

Ben stood up and shrugged his shoulders, “I’m sure there’s still time for both of you to get ready.  That is, of course, if you’ll stop fuming and start moving.”

Hoss walked inside the house before Adam could reply to their father.  “Where is that little varmint?” Hoss yelled and looked towards the stairs.

Ben rolled his eyes and turned towards his eldest and said, “You tell him, Adam, I’ll make sure Hop Sing gets the hot water ready.” He walked towards the kitchen to inform the Oriental member of the family to get water started on the stove.

By seven o’clock that night the three Cartwright sons made their way down the stairs.  Ben stood and smiled over at each of them wearing their Sunday best suits.  “You boys look very nice!”

“Thanks, Pa,” Joe grinned and side- stepped his way around his two brothers, who were still very mad at him.

Ben placed his hand on Joe’s shoulder and said, “And, Joseph, how nice and rested you look.  Did you take a nap while your brothers were getting ready?”

“Yep, sure did!” Joe laughed and watched both of his brothers looking at him unamused.

“That’s good, Son, because, tomorrow I’m giving them both the day off, and YOU get to finish with the haying.  So don’t you stay out late, you’ve got a busy day ahead of you!”

And with that statement, Hoss and Adam laughed loudly and pulled the front door open.  “Come on, Kid,” Adam called to Joe, “I’d say you have about an hour at the dance before you’ve gotta leave and get ready for work tomorrow.  But, Hoss and I will be there enjoying ourselves for hours!”

Joe turned back towards his father, hoping for a reprieve but only received a stern paternal stare.  “See you soon — I guess,” Joe said sullenly, and headed out with his brothers to Virginia City.  He would’ve canceled going to the dance altogether had he not promised Cassie he’d show up.  Joe guessed he would at least have time to squire her around for a little while before having to return for home earlier than he had originally planned.

The dance was in full swing and the band played loudly to a crowd that was exceptionally large.  Adam had played several solos on his guitar and was well received with applause.  Hoss danced more than almost any other man in attendance.  Though he tipped the scales at just shy of three hundred pounds he was very adept out on the dance floor.  Meanwhile Joe stood most of the night over at the punch bowl staring over at the clock on the wall.  Cassie had told him to be there by eight o’clock, and he had actually shown up early.  But, the girl was nowhere to be seen.

“What’s the matter, Little Brother?”  Hoss asked, as he finally took a break from dancing.  He dipped into the punch bowl and put his hand on his brother’s shoulder.

Joe looked up and replied, “Cassie was supposed to be here at eight, it’s nine now and I have to get home — because two people I know ratted me out to Pa.”

Hoss laughed and playfully jabbed Joe in the ribcage, “Oh, Joe, you had it coming and you know it, taking off on us the way you done!  You mad about having to leave the dance?”

Joe fought off a grin and nodded, “okay, I did kind of have this coming to me.  I should’ve at least told you I was going home.  And, no, I’m not really mad about having to go home so early.  You know I don’t care about these stupid dances.  I’ve only gone to two the past six months — and only because of Cassie.”

Hoss read his brother’s face and knew why the boy no longer got much pleasure out of dances and parties like he had in the past.  The kid had gone through so much upheaval earlier in the year, and it had caused him to lose some good friends along the way.   Hoss nodded sympathetically over at Joe.  “It won’t always be this way, Joe.  You just gotta move on and forget about those guys who gave you trouble.”

Joe turned defensive as he cast a quick glance towards some of his childhood friends.  He couldn’t help noticing his former best friend Mitch, who stood across the room avoiding him.  Joe replied, “I don’t give a damn about all that stuff.   I just wanted to see Cassie and now I’ve gotta leave.  Hoss, do me a favor and let her know I was here and that I was on time, okay?”

“Sure, Little Brother.  I’ll even dance with her so she won’t be alone.”

Joe smiled and accepted his brother’s concern gratefully.  “Oh, there are lots of guys who want to dance with her. You know she only uses me as an excuse in case someone wants to bother her — I’m her safety net if that happens.  So-,” Joe paused as his brother cut him off.

“I’ll watch out after her, Joe.  And I’ll let her know you were on time.”

“Thanks, Big Brother!” Joe patted Hoss on the arm and turned to leave.  His eyes scanned the room one last time and there was still no sign of his friend Cassie.  “See you,” Joe called as he moved towards the exit.

 

Midnight found Ben to be alone there next to the fireplace, stoking it one last time, in preparation for the long night ahead.  Joseph had fallen into the house just before eleven and had gone straight to bed, after Pa had reminded him yet again that the haying job would be all on him the next day.  Turning to the sound of the front door being opened, he saw both Hoss and Adam entering.  He watched as they crossed the room, and Adam leaned his guitar against the settee.

“Have a good time, Boys?” Ben asked, before taking a good look at both of his son’s faces.  It hadn’t taken long to see there was some kind of trouble.  Neither of them replied right away, and instead had chosen to take seats on the settee.  “What is it?”

Adam looked over at Hoss, and he could tell by the way he stared back towards him, that his brother didn’t want to be the one to tell their Pa what had happened.  “Better sit down, Pa,” Adam returned glumly.

Ben placed the fire poker down onto the hearth and settled warily into his red leather chair.  He just nodded towards his eldest.  Ben could detect the furrowed brow Hoss now wore, and also the way that Adam had crossed his arms over his chest in an attempt to gather his thoughts.

“First — where’s Joe?” Adam asked, taking a glance towards the dining room, worried that the boy might just be in the kitchen.

“Joe went to bed right after he got in a while ago.  Why?”

“Because we don’t want him to hear this — he’ll know soon enough.  It’s probably better that the kid gets some sleep — because he’ll need it.”

“I looked in on him right before I changed into my night clothes, he’s down for the count,” Ben paused and then once again, sought out Adam’s face, trying to ascertain what was to be forthcoming.

“Pa — it’s Cassie,” Adam announced.  He fought to get the troublesome explanation out.   But before he could explain any further, his father interrupted.

“Cassie?  Joe said she never showed up at the dance.   What’s happened?”

“Pa, she’s been attacked.   The best Roy could figure out so far — she was heading to the dance when someone pulled her into an alley,” Adam again battled with his own emotions.  The whole family cared a lot about the young lady who had been a part of Joe’s life ever since grade school.

Ben’s mouth fell open and he gasped.  He tried to put his emotions back into check and then replied, “is she — is she going to be okay?”

Hoss looked over at his father, and his bright blue eyes smoldered, as tears stung them.  “She was over at Doc’s when we left.  We just heard about it as we were leaving the dance, Pa.  Mr. Brendon is there at Doc’s with her.”

“Adam?”  Ben asked once again, needing to know if the girl would survive the attack.

“We didn’t get too much information.  Roy did tell us a few things, since he knows how much Joe cares about Cassie.  Once he made the crowd leave in front of Doctor Martin’s office, he pulled us aside.  He said that Doc told him she’ll live, but — well — Pa,” Adam had to choose his words delicately.  His son’s attempt at avoiding the hard truth of the matter hadn’t made any difference.  His father realized what had happened to Cassie just from what was NOT said.  Pa also noticed how Adam had refrained from staring into his eyes, and instead, had cast his eyes down towards the floor.

“Dear Lord, no!” Ben exclaimed as he bolted up from his chair.

Adam walked over towards the fireplace, leaving Hoss still sitting on the settee fighting back tears.  “I’m sorry, Pa.  From what Roy said Cassie was able to see the man’s face and they’ve got a positive identification.  She fought him off as best she could, but she couldn’t stop him.   Roy said Paul noticed the skin underneath her fingernails.”

Ben’s eyes tracked up towards the top of the staircase.  Not only was he devastated for Cassie, but now on top of that, he was worried about Joseph.  It would be almost impossible to tell the boy.  He knew it would emotionally cost Joe so much.  His youngest son knew, from past experience, exactly what the girl had just been through, and the horrors of that kind of violent assault.

“You think we ought to tell him, Pa?”  Adam asked, settling his hand onto his father’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort the man.  He also knew how Joe would take the terrible news.

Ben shook himself from his thoughts and turned back to look directly into his son’s eyes.  “No — it won’t help Cassie any tonight— I’m sure Paul has sedated her.  Let me tell him, Boys.  I’ll have to figure out how to break it to Joseph — but not until tomorrow.  Who was it — who did this?” Ben tried to think of some of the questions Joe would be asking him later.

Hoss finally piped up and joined his family standing next to the fireplace.  “It was that no good skunk Jack Slattery!” Hoss declared angrily.

“Slattery?” Ben asked, trying to draw the man’s face into his mind.  “Isn’t he that cowhand who Joseph had a fight with about a month ago?”

Hoss nodded, “Yeah — Joe and me was in town and we saw him standing outside the mercantile waiting on Cassie.  He grabbed her arm as she came out and tried to take her packages from her.  When Cassie started to protest that she didn’t need no help, Little Brother charged over to them.  Joe mopped the floor with the guy.  I guess Slattery must’ve been watching her as she headed over to the dance tonight.”

“Roy said he’s getting up a posse, Pa,” Adam chimed in.

Ben sighed and shook his head once again.  “I feel so sorry for Cassie — and I can just imagine how her father is handling this.  She’s his only child, and he’s always been very protective of her.  You know how I feel about Mr. Brendon, especially after all he’s put your brother through in the past!   But — as a father, well, my heart goes out to him.  We all know what this kind of an attack can do to a family.”

“I was kinda hoping to join the posse, if that’s ok, Pa?” Hoss came back to the topic of justice again.

Ben looked from one son and then to the other.  “Let me see what happens with Joseph when I tell him.  Then, we’ll figure out how to deal with all of this.  It’s going to hit him hard — and in so many ways.”

Hoss dropped a hand down onto his father’s shoulder, in a show of support and concern.  “Pa — we’ll do whatever we can to help both Cassie and Little Joe.  Why don’t we all try to get some sleep?”

Ben drew in a deep breath, the burden of all that had happened now weighing on his mind and his heart.  He briefly put his arms around both of his sons.  “Yes, we better get some shut-eye.  Tomorrow is going to be another hard day.   This family has gone through something just like this before — so we know it doesn’t get any easier no matter what the circumstances are.”

The three Cartwrights slowly walked up the staircase, each of them thinking of Cassie and also Joe.  They hoped at least he would get some good sleep, since Joe was the only person who had yet to find out the tragic news.  Tomorrow would come all too soon, and would change the lives of all of those involved.

 

Joe hastily buttoned his shirt as he jogged down the stairs the next morning.  He hadn’t planned on sleeping in and figured he’d be getting a lecture on promptness by his pa.  Casting a glance over towards the dining table he was surprised to see his father still sitting there.  Joe looked over at the grandfather clock as he headed over to grab a cup of coffee before leaving.

“Gosh, Pa, I’m sorry!  Why didn’t somebody wake me?  It’s almost eight.”

Ben passed a cup of coffee to his son and chose what he would say to the boy carefully.  “It’s fine, Joseph.”

“Fine?  I’m gonna have to work until dark to get that haying done.  Where are Adam and Hoss?  One of them should’ve woke me up.”

“I assigned your job to a couple of the hired hands, and your brothers are both in town right now.  So you eat your breakfast and stop worrying,” Ben replied, still biding his time before having to address the sad news about Cassie.

Joe stared at his father wondering what was going on.  His pa, he reasoned, should be furious that he had slept in instead of getting right to work.  Instead, he was very patient and had waited breakfast on him.

“Pa?  Is something wrong?”

“You eat, and then we will talk.  Now here — go ahead,” Ben paused as he set the platter of scrambled eggs in front of his son along with the toast.  He knew Joe would refuse food later, once he had learned what had happened to Cassie.

Reluctantly filling his plate, Joe decided he would eventually discover why his father had changed his mind about who was to get the haying done.  He soon felt Pa’s hand on his shoulder as he stood from the table.

“Join me in the study when you are done, Joseph,” he said and walked away.

A few minutes later, once curiosity had gotten the best of him, Joe swallowed the last of his coffee and moved across the living room and over to his father’s study.  Joe settled down in a chair next to his father’s desk and looked over at him.

“Did you eat enough?”

“Yeah, Pa — wasn’t too hungry.  Now what’s up?  I mean I appreciate that you helped me out on the whole haying thing — but, there has to be something wrong for you to change your mind about it.  You know it was the reason I got back from the dance so early last night.”

Ben stood from his desk and moved closer to his son.  He hated what he had to tell the boy, and it made his stomach churn thinking about it.  Finally, leaning against the corner of the desk and crossing his arms, he began, “Joseph — what I have to tell you isn’t an easy thing to say — nor will it be an easy thing for you to hear.  It concerns Cassie.”

Joe looked up at his father, and could tell that he was struggling with his words.  “Cassie?  Did you find out why she never showed up last night?” Joe interjected.

Ben nodded, “yes, Son — I’m sorry — so sorry — but Joseph Cassie was attacked last night on her way to the dance.”

Joe sprang to his feet, now standing opposite his pa.  “What?” he asked breathlessly.

“Adam and Hoss found out last night as they were leaving the dance.  Roy told them — he was over at Doctor Martin’s office.”

“How — wwhere — ?” Joe stuttered.

“She was pulled into an alleyway, Son.  The man — well — he must’ve been following her.”

Joe’s chin began to quiver, hoping in his heart that he was wrong with what he was thinking happened to the girl.  “Pa?  Is she alright?”

Ben placed his right hand on his son’s shoulder and looked down at him.  “She’s going to live,” He said quietly.

“But — I mean — is she hurt?”

Ben nodded and briefly closed his eyes as he took in a deep breath.

“Pa?” Joe asked once more, starting to feel like he would be sick to his stomach.  There was something all too familiar written all over his father’s face.

“Yes, Joseph — I’m so sorry — the attacker — well he —,” Pa trailed off, but his eyes gave the answer far more than words would have.

Joe fell back down to the chair and covered his face with his hands.  It took several minutes before he could speak.  Finally, he stared back up at his father with tears streaming down his cheeks, and in a desperate whisper, replied, “He raped her — didn’t he?”

Ben moved closer to his boy and knelt down next to him.  He pulled Joe into his arms and felt the sobs as they shook the boy’s chest.

“No!  Not Cassie — not her, Pa!”  Joe cried.

“I’m sorry — I’m so sorry I had to tell you all of this, Son — but she’s strong — I know somehow she’ll get through this,” he attempted to find words of consolation for the boy.

Joe shook his head and confessed, “No-one knows, Pa.  No-one knows except someone who’s been through this hell.  No-one can ever know what this kind of an attack steals from you.  It’s like losing your soul, Pa.”

“I know, Son, I know,” Ben nodded, as haunted memories took him back to all that Joseph had endured.

Joe hurriedly wiped his tears away on his shirt sleeves and pulled himself from his father’s embrace.  As much as he needed Pa’s protective arms shielding him from the painful reality of what had happened, Joe knew Cassie needed him more.  “I gotta go, Pa — she’s gonna need me,” Joe whispered, standing up, still shaking.

“Joseph — I know you want to see her — but maybe you should wait a few days?” Ben tried to buy some time in order to get Joe to calm down a bit.

Hurrying to the credenza to gather his hat and holster, Joe shook his head.  “No, Pa — I just gotta go — she’d want me — she knows that I understand what she’s going through — the way nobody else possibly can!”

“Be careful, Joseph — please!  I don’t want you to get hurt in your haste to get into town.  Your brothers are riding with Roy and the posse — we’ll know something as soon as they get back here later.”

Joe pulled the front door open and turned towards his pa and asked, “Do they know who it was?”

Ben nodded and replied, “It was that man you had the fight with a month ago — Jack Slattery — he’s the one.”

Joe took on a furious countenance as he vented his hatred, “I should’ve killed him when I had the chance!  But, right now I’ve got to see Cassie — but after that he’s a dead man!” He left his father standing there at the door and walked out.

Ben watched as his son headed towards the barn to get his horse saddled. There was a heavy heartedness in the way the boy moved and in the appearance of his slumped shoulders.   Pa stood on the porch and looked up towards heaven.  He said a quick prayer for Joe’s safety before solemnly returning inside.

 

Cassie’s house sat just at the end of C Street in Virginia City, and Joe had been there so many times in his youth that he could’ve found it blindfolded.  He tied his reins up at the hitching post and pushed his way past the wooden gate.  Joe knocked on the front door and waited.  A few minutes later he was staring up at the dour face of Frank Brendon.  The man had been amicable back when Joe was a youngster and had taken his daughter for rides on his horse or walked her home from school.  But that welcome had soured over the last year.  Mr. Brendon, much like many of Joe’s friends had fallen for idle gossip concerning the youngest Cartwright.  And, though Joe had tried to put all of the rumors to rest during his lengthy testimony concerning the man he had killed in self-defense, Luke Thrasher, some people in the town still treated him differently.  Unfortunately one of those people was Frank Brendon.

“What do you want?” Mr. Brendon asked sharply, still not opening the screened door.

“I’d like to see Cassie, Mr. Brendon,” Joe replied, trying his best not to start an argument.  He knew it was a terrible time for everyone and didn’t want it to get worse.

“I thought you’ve been told not to come here anymore?” He said caustically.

“Please — I need to see her.  I promise I won’t be long, Sir.”

“You’re the last one she needs to see!  And you’re the very last person I want to see too.  Now get out of here!”

Joe drew in a deep breath and held it.  He wanted to pull the screen door off the hinges and knock the man down and walk over his body to get to Cassie.  But, Joe knew it wouldn’t help the girl, she was upset enough already.   Instead, he walked back to Cochise and mounted the horse.  He rode off, but only down the street in front of the Silver Dollar Saloon, where he once again tied Cochise’s reins to a hitching post.  Then Joe walked behind the stores on the other side of the street and down into the small open field.  There was more than one way to skin a cat, Joe thought to himself as he finally made it behind the Brendon house.  There was a lattice trellis going up alongside the back of the house.  Though he hadn’t used it for many years, fortunately Joe hadn’t gained much weight since he was a kid.  Slowly he made it up to the second floor window which went to Cassie’s bedroom.  Joe peered in and saw Cassie lying in bed.  He tapped lightly on the window and noticed her look over at him.  But, she then quickly turned her head in the other direction.  Joe knew she was still in shock, as it had only been less than a day since her attack.  Unwilling to pass up the chance to try and help the girl, Joe carefully lifted the window and climbed quietly inside the room.

“Cassie?” Joe whispered and walked over to the bed.

“Go away, Joe,” she cried.  “I don’t want to see you — I don’t want to see anybody!” Cassie sobbed.

Joe moved a little closer to the bed and knelt there.  “Cassie — honey — I know you’re hurting —God I wish you weren’t —but I just wanted you to know I understand.  You know I understand, right?”

“Just let me be, Joe.  If you really understood you wouldn’t be here.”

“I know you don’t believe it now — and that’s normal — but you will get through this,” Joe tried to assure her.

Cassie finally looked at Joe and shook her head as tears poured down her face.  “Oh yeah sure!  Just like you got through it, Joe?  You know you never got over it — to this day you’re not over it!  Now stop lying –and leave me alone.”

Joe attempted to reach for her hand to try to comfort Cassie.  She abruptly drew it away.  Joe’s touch had repelled her.

Cassie noticed the hurt in Joe’s eyes when she had made the move.  “I’m sorry — I’m sorry, Joe,” she sobbed.

Joe fought back tears and replied, “Cassie, I’m the one who’s sorry — I shouldn’t have — it’s too soon.  I do know — I was the same way.  Give it time.”

Cassie pulled her hands up to her face and cried.  “I can’t see you, Joe — not until I’m ready.  Please just go — if it ever happens — if I can ever face anyone again— I’ll let you know.  Go now.”

Joe slowly got up off his knees and moved back to the window.  Before heading back out he called over to her one last time, “Cassie —listen to me.  You’re still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen!  And I will always love you — no matter what.  You rest, Honey, and give yourself all the time you need.  When you want me —just send me a note.”  Joe left the bedroom, climbed down the lattice and made his way back to his horse.

 

Ben peered out of the window behind his desk later that night.  He had been worried about his youngest.  It was after ten and his other two sons had been accounted for already.  He watched as Joe walked Cochise into the barn and soon turned to head into the house.  Ben breathed a sigh of relief, because at least the boy was home in one piece.

Joe tossed his hat and holster unto the credenza and turned to see his father approaching.  Pulling off his jacket, he waited to hear the latest from his pa.

“Joseph, I was getting worried about you.  You want to have something to eat?  Hop Sing left something on the stove for you.”

Joe looked up at his father, his face told it all.  Ben could see the tear stains on his son’s face and he braced himself for what had happened in town.

“I’m not really hungry, Pa.  Think I’ll just go to bed,” Joe answered sullenly and turned towards the stairs.

Ben caught Joe’s arm gently and said, “Tell me about it, Son.”

Joe walked over to the brandy decanter and poured a drink.  He didn’t know where to start in explaining exactly how he felt at the moment.  Ben patiently waited until the boy took a seat on the sofa and stared down at his drink.

“It was so hard, Pa,” Joe whispered.  He took a sip of the brandy and tried once again.  “I probably should’ve waited — just like you said.”

“Did you see Cassie?” Ben asked as he took a seat next to Joe.

“I went there — but Mr. Brendon wouldn’t let me inside,” Joe paused and thought of how he felt about the man.  He was starting to hate Cassie’s father.

“Then what happened?” Ben persisted, knowing Joe had to get the story out of his gut.

“I climbed up the lattice trellis on the back of the house, just like I use to do when I was a kid.  I could see her lying in bed so I opened the window,” Joe stopped as he relived what happened in his mind.

Ben draped his arm onto his son’s shoulder to offer whatever emotional support he could provide him.  “Go on.”

Joe set his glass down onto the coffee table.  He then dropped his head down into his hands, as he finally let go of the hurt he had witnessed.  “Oh, Pa!  Cassie is so destroyed right now — she could hardly look at me.  I tried to tell her that she would get through this — but she didn’t believe me.  She said that I’ve never gotten over what happened to me.  So now she thinks she’ll never get over what happened to her!  I reached over to just hold her hand for a second —and she pulled it away from me.  She looked at me like I was gonna hurt her!  I didn’t mean to,” Joe broke down, and the tears began to flow down his cheeks.

“It’s okay, Son,” Ben whispered.

“Pa — I’m just so sorry — so sorry,” Joe cried.

“Sorry for what, Joseph?”

Joe finally dropped his hands down from his face and stared up at his pa.  “For what I did to you — I know now how bad I hurt you.  All you were trying to do was help me — to show me you didn’t see me any differently.  But, I pulled away from you — I did exactly what Cassie did to me today.  I was trying to help her and she wouldn’t let me.  I never realized how bad that hurt until today.  And hearing her talking like she could never face life again — never face anyone again, Pa, her words were so much like mine were back then.  I remember you asking how you could help me the day after Cade hurt me so badly.  Do you remember?”

Ben sighed and pulled Joe back towards him and held him close.  Closing his eyes he could still vividly recall what Joseph had said in response to his offer of help right after he had been attacked.  “Yes, Joseph I remember,” he whispered.

“I said I wanted you to get me a gun and close the door as you left.  Back then I really just wanted to end it all, — or thought that I did.  I saw myself, Pa — I saw myself in Cassie today.  And it hurt so much when I couldn’t help her.  But, it wasn’t until I heard her talking like she was giving up, and watched her push me away, that I realized how bad I hurt you back then. I was in too much pain to realize it at the time, but all you were doing was trying to help me.  I’m sorry — I never told you — but if you hadn’t kept trying to help me I never would’ve made it.  I’m so sorry I pushed you away, Pa.”

Ben sighed, he wasn’t sure if Joe’s revelation had helped the boy or had harmed him worse.  He knew that trying to help Cassie had forced Joe to relive the trauma he had gone through a year ago.  Ben realized that all he could do as a father was to listen and continue to show his son that he was loved.  “It’s alright, Joseph.  You went through something beyond your control.  I know you didn’t mean most of what you were saying back then.  You just needed to get it out.”

“I hope Mr. Brendon will try to be a real father to Cassie, and try to help her like you did for me.  I know it’s going to take a lot of love to help her heal.”

“I hope so too, Son,” Ben replied, and paused when he suddenly felt Joe’s body go lax there in his arms. The boy had fallen to sleep due to a day rent with raw emotion and worry.  Ben closed his eyes and settled back on the settee.  He reasoned he could fall asleep just fine right there too.

 

“Roy thinks that Slattery got up into the rimrock, Pa,” Hoss announced as he poured himself his second cup of coffee.

“What time are you boys planning on leaving?” Ben asked, as both Adam and Hoss sat at the breakfast table the next morning.

“We’re going back Just as soon as we finish eating.  How’s Joe?” Adam turned towards his father and watched him taking a deep breath.

“He had a rough day yesterday.  And Mr. Brendon didn’t help the matter.”

Hoss shook his head and frowned, “I feel for Cassie — her pa ain’t the kindest man.  What did he say to Little Joe?”

“He wouldn’t let him in to see her.  But you know your little brother when he’s got his mind set on something.  He crawled up the trellis in the back to see Cassie.  From what Joseph said last night, it didn’t go very well.  She is, of course, devastated.”

Adam stared down at his plate, his thoughts taking him back to a woman he had known and loved some six years back.  Neither Ben nor Hoss missed the look on his face.

“You’re thinking of Sarah — right, Son?” Ben asked, reaching over to touch his son’s hand in a show of support.

Adam nodded and sighed.  “Yeah, Pa, — I can’t help it.  I only hope Cassie is stronger than she was.  I’d hate it if she did something like Sarah.”

Before Hoss could chime in they all turned to the sound from across the room.  Joe was coming down the staircase and he held a bedroll in his hand.

Ben hadn’t seen the boy since he had awakened from the settee and ventured up to his bedroom around four in the morning.  He stood and walked over to his youngest as the boy stood by the door adjusting his holster.  “Joe?  Where are you going?”

“I’m gonna go kill Jack Slattery, Pa,” Joe returned, matter-of-factly.

“You go over there and eat something first.  I won’t hear any arguments, either!  You didn’t eat anything all day yesterday.”

Joe looked up into his father’s eyes.  He didn’t want to disobey the command, but he wanted to be off on his way.  “Pa, I’ll eat out on the trail.”

“No.  Now come on, and you can talk to your brothers while you’re at it.  They can fill you in about the posse,” Ben put his hand on Joe’s shoulder and turned him towards the dining room.  Joe reluctantly followed his pa, taking a seat at the table.

“Here,” Hoss said and passed some eggs over to his brother.  Joe nodded and removed a scant amount off the platter.  He wasn’t hungry, but he wasn’t up for a lecture from his father either.

“Pa said you saw Cassie yesterday.  How is she?” Adam asked.

Joe took a deep breath and shot a look over at his oldest brother.  He fought not to raise his voice.  “How do you think she is, Adam?”

“Sorry, Joe — I guess it was a stupid thing to ask,” He apologized.

“I’m sorry — I’m just having a bad day,” Joe tried to show he was sorry in being so terse with his brother.  “How’s the posse going?”

Hoss jumped into the conversation and replied, “We rode for hours yesterday, Little Joe.  Best we can figure Slattery got up into the rimrock.  We’re heading there in a bit.”

“I’m going out by myself, just as soon as I eat,” Joe returned, anger controlling his facial expression.

Ben cleared his throat and stood from his chair.  He shot his eldest son a certain look, which Adam knew well.  “I’ve got something to discuss with you, Adam, before you and Hoss leave.”

Adam stood as well, and followed his father into his study.  “What don’t you want Joe to hear, Pa?” he whispered as he took a seat next to Ben’s desk.

“Let Hoss go out to ride with the posse.  I need you here.  If Joseph is dead set on going out to find Slattery I need you to ride herd on him, Son.”

“I figured that,” Adam smiled and it was returned by his pa.  “I’ll just go get the horses ready for the three of us.  Then you can have your talk with Joe.  I know he’s not going to be thrilled, but I don’t want him going out alone either.”

“Thank you, Son,” Ben nodded and leaned back in his chair.  He had to figure out how he’d get through to his youngest.

 

“What do you mean you don’t want me going out by myself?” Joe raised his voice as he stood in the living room a little while after breakfast was finished.  “Hoss and Adam have already left.”

“No — only Hoss has left.  Adam is outside waiting for you, Joseph.”

“Pa, I’ve got to do this myself,” Joe whispered, fighting the pain he still felt from seeing Cassie the day prior.  “It’s MY fault!”

“What’s your fault?” Ben asked, nearing the boy, trying to get through to him.

“It’s my fault — the other night at the dance.  I should’ve gone looking for her when she didn’t show.  If I had been there — she wouldn’t have been hurt, Pa.   It’s my fault — I was supposed to protect her!” Joe berated himself, feeling it had been a failure on his part.  He dropped down onto the coffee table and put his hands up to his head, fighting for control.

Ben sat down alongside his son and tried to get through to him.  “Joe, that’s just not true!  You didn’t have any way of knowing what was happening.”

“She counted on me to protect her, Pa — I failed her,” Joe’s voice broke in his confession.

“Joseph — it wouldn’t have made any difference – whether you were in town at the dance or if you were a block away looking for her.  Sometimes we can’t protect the ones we care about,” Ben explained and his thoughts went back once again to the night his son had been attacked.  “Son, I was here — right here in this room,” he paused as Joe looked up at him.  Joe noticed the glimmer of tears in his father’s eyes.  “You were just in the other room, Joseph — and I couldn’t save you.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Pa,” Joe whispered and put his hand on his father’s arm.  “You’ve got to let that go —- I never blamed you.  You couldn’t stop what Cade did to me.”

Ben tilted his head and forced his gaze onto his youngest.  “Then, if that’s true, Joseph, the same goes for you.  Let it go.  And this wanting to go after Slattery — I’m not okay with it.”

“Pa — I can’t help Cassie any other way right now.   But, I can go kill that bastard for her.  I can’t have Roy and the posse catching him, don’t you understand?  Just like you went after Cade and killed him so I wouldn’t have to sit through a trial where I’d have to look at him, I have to do that for her.  There’s just no way she can handle a trial, Pa!”

Ben sighed, and reached for his son, pulling him close to him.  He wished he could stop the boy from going out after Slattery, but he knew he couldn’t.  He also understood Joe’s logic.  It was true that he had gone after the man who had attacked his son and had killed him in a fair fight.  And it had been done, in part, to spare his son from having to deal with sitting through a trial where he’d have to sit there looking at the evil man.  Regrouping his emotions, Ben finally addressed his son’s plan.  “Take Adam with you, Joseph.  You can do that much for me.  Can’t you?  And, if you do find Slattery, you’re not to gun him down in cold blood, do you understand?”

Joe’s eyes tracked down to the floor as he thought on his father’s demands.  He just wanted to kill the man who had hurt Cassie so badly.  But, Pa was right.  He’d have to try to make it a fair fight, if it came to it.  “Yes, Sir.  I promise you — I won’t gun him down in cold blood.”

“And?” Ben pulled Joe back a bit to stare into his eyes.

Joe sighed and shook his head, finally accepting what his father was alluding to.  “Okay, Pa — I’ll drag Adam along with me.”

 

Ben stood with his son and patted his back, “thank you, Joseph.  You be safe, you hear me?”

“Sure, Pa,” Joe nodded once again and headed out to meet up with his brother.

 

Adam pulled his horse, Sport, to a stop right where the posse had ended their hunt the previous day.  He signaled to his brother and they both dismounted.  Adam knelt down and pointed at the tracks.  “Roy noticed Slattery’s horse had one deformed horseshoe.  He began at the Silver Dollar where Sam said Slattery was drinking right before Cassie was attacked.  They trailed him up to here, and these tracks head right up to that shale,” Adam pointed up to the rocky ridge that led towards a steep incline with very little soil to imprint tracks.  “See the cut on that back left, Joe?  Hoss said it looked like the shoe needed fixing badly.”

Joe stood and his eyes searched the area.  He shook his head discouraged.  “Adam, are they headed up there?” Joe pointed up the incline.

Adam nodded, “that’s what Roy told us right before dark yesterday.  But, it’s gonna be slow going.  They’re probably a couple hours ahead of you and me by now.  You want to catch up to them?”

Joe swung up into his saddle and shook his head, “Adam, can you take me to where you all started?  I just want to see it for myself.  You all sure that’s Slattery’s horse, right?”

Adam mounted his horse and replied, “Roy talked to the blacksmith — he told Slattery that he would fix the shoe for a dollar just a week ago.  But Slattery said he’d do it another time.  So, unless he got it fixed elsewhere it’s still on his horse.  I’ll take you back to where we started if you’re sure you don’t want to try to catch up with the posse.”

Joe thought hard about the situation.  He knew that if he caught up with Sheriff Roy, “letter of the law,” Coffee that he’d make sure Joe couldn’t get his hands on Slattery, should they catch the man.  That was something that was not in Joe’s plans.  He needed the kill.  He needed to prove to Cassie that evil didn’t win.  Adam watched as his brother processed it all in his head.  He knew what Joe wanted to do to Jack Slattery from past experience.  Adam had joined both his father and his brother Hoss in the search for Joe’s attacker a year earlier, and they wanted the same thing; vengeance.

“Yeah, Adam, let’s go back to the beginning.  You never know, maybe somehow something was missed.”

Adam turned Sport towards Virginia City and he and his brother headed back towards where the posse had begun the search for Jack Slattery.

Joe reached for the coffee pot with a gloved left hand.  He motioned to his brother and Adam handed over his tin cup.  Joe refilled both cups and settled back onto his bedroll.  Soon a frown fell onto his lips as he thought of the fruitless efforts they had put in that day.  Though his brother had taken Joe back to the scene of the crime and from there everywhere that the posse had searched the prior day, they hadn’t turned up any new clues.  When darkness finally fell over Virginia City they had both ventured back there again.  Adam wanted to check in with both Roy and his brother Hoss.  There hadn’t been any progress on that end either.  Joe had waited outside the sheriff’s office, not wanting to talk to the lawman.  He could just imagine what Roy would say to him about letting the law handle Jack Slattery.  Adam was at least glad to see Hoss, and to let him know what Joe and he had gone over that day.  He also wanted him to inform their father that both he and Joe would be spending the night out on the trail, hoping for an early start to their search the following day.  Adam felt Pa should know, so he wouldn’t worry, once Hoss made it back home that night and they didn’t.

“Joe?” Adam called over to the boy for a second time.  He had failed to get his brother’s attention on the first try, and could tell Joe was deep in thought.

“Huh?” Joe replied, shaking himself from his doldrums.

“Thinking of Cassie?” Adam asked knowingly.

Joe nodded and sipped at his coffee.

“I know how you’re feeling, Joe.  You want to talk about it?”

Joe shook his head, “how can you know how I’m feeling?”

“I guess you’ve forgotten about Sarah, Joe.”

“I’m sorry, Adam.  I didn’t mean it like that.  I know how much you cared about Sarah,” Joe apologized.  “But, you couldn’t help what happened to Sarah.  You weren’t even anywhere near when this happened to her.  But, I was right in Virginia City when Cassie was attacked.  I should’ve gone looking for her when she didn’t show up at the dance.  I keep thinking that if I’d only gone to look for her right away that maybe it wouldn’t have happened.”

“Joe, you would’ve picked her up at her house if her father hadn’t banned you from coming by.  It wasn’t your choice to meet at the dance now was it?”

Joe shrugged his shoulders.  He knew Adam had a point but it didn’t make him feel much better.

“Listen, Joe, when this happened to my friend years ago, well you were a little kid so you don’t remember.  But, I went after the man who hurt Sarah and was going to kill him with my bare hands.  I guess it’s a good thing that the law found him before I did.  And even though that evil man died it didn’t stop Sarah from ending her life.  We all tried our best to help her, but she just couldn’t live with it.  I’ll always love Sarah, but to be honest I think your friend Cassie is a bit tougher than she was.  I think she’ll get through this,” Adam tried his best to ease his brother’s mind with his explanation.

“You know I don’t think Sarah was weak or anything like that.  I think it depends on how much your family tries to help you.  I was lucky, but I have my doubts about Cassie.  Her father is a very hard man.  And, if he doesn’t show her love — like my family did last year — well I’m not all that sure that she won’t end up like Sarah, Adam.”

Adam reached over and patted his brother’s arm, trying to reassure him.  “Brendon is a hard case, but she’s his only child — I’m hoping he’ll give her whatever she needs,” He tried to sound more confident about Cassie’s father than Joe was.

Joe set his coffee cup down and replied, “Maybe — hey let’s get some shut-eye.  I want to head out at first light, okay?”

“Sure,” Adam nodded and settled down on his bedroll, covering his face with his hat.  “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Joe responded, lying down and closing his eyes.

 

Adam heard the sound and sat up right away.  He glanced over where his brother should be.  Joe wasn’t there, but, instead was preparing to saddle his horse.  He headed over to him, rubbing at his eyes groggily.

“Joe?  What are you doing, Boy?  We only went to sleep about an hour ago.  What’s up?”

Joe continued tightening the cinch on Cochise’s saddle, and replied, “Sorry, Big Brother, but I’ve got to go!”

Adam grabbed his brother’s arm and turned Joe to look at him, “wait just a minute, didn’t you tell Pa you’d go with me?  Where are you going and why are you sneaking out on me?”

Turning defensive Joe shot back, “hey, just because you and Pa think I need someone to watch over me doesn’t make it so.  I’m not a little kid you know?  I’ve had to grow up fast after all the hell I’ve gone through.   Or did you forget that?”

“I know, Joe,” Adam frowned and released his grip on his brother’s arm.  “But, you did tell Pa you’d ride with me.  Now where are you going?”

“Okay — okay, I’m sorry.  But, I woke with a feeling in my gut.  Adam, I think Slattery might have doubled back.  You know Cassie is the only one who can testify against him.  What if he comes after her?”

“Joe — there’s been no sign of him in town since the dance.”

Joe shook his head and looked down at the ground.  “Adam, I said it’s a gut feeling.  I’m just going into town, if I’m wrong there’s no harm in it.  Why don’t you wait here?  If I don’t see him or any sign he’s been there I’ll come back.  I promise you I will.”

Adam turned and reached down for his saddle instead of responding verbally.  He would have to follow the kid into Virginia City, no matter how pointless an act he presumed it to be.  He had promised Pa that he’d ride herd on his brother and he wasn’t about to fail him.  Joe waited next to Cochise as his brother saddled his horse.  Then, the two of them headed into Virginia City.

 

A little past midnight both Cartwrights made their way down the quiet streets of the town.  It being mid-week, both saloons, the Silver Dollar and the Bucket of Blood, had just doused their lights and kicked the last of their patrons out.  The usually busy C Street was beginning to look deserted by the time both Adam and Joe dismounted and tied their reins to the hitching post by the bank.

“Okay, Joe, what now?” Adam asked, stifling a yawn.

“You go down toward the Territorial Enterprise and I’ll head down to the International House.  We’ll meet in the middle.  Give me about ten minutes before you start, will you?  I just want to run across the street and over to the Brendon house just to make sure no-one’s lurking there first.”

“NO!” Adam insisted.  “I’ll go with you there, and then we’ll take both ends of C Street.  Agreed?”

Joe nodded, “C’mon then.”

The two Cartwrights made the journey just as Joe had one day earlier.  They crossed the street and ventured down into the small clearing.  Then they headed towards Cassie’s house.  They searched all around the place including behind every out- building and tree, but didn’t see or hear anything unusual.  Joe carefully inspected the lattice trellis just to make sure no-one had tried that entry point.  Deciding that all was clear, they decided to go back to their original position in front of the bank.

“Okay, Adam you go down there, I’ll head to the hotel and we’ll meet in the middle here.  Sing out if you see anything, okay?”

“Right, be careful,” Adam replied quietly and headed down the street towards the newspaper building.

Joe instincts were on high alert as he made his way down to the hotel.  He peered behind any obstacle in his way, including any wagons that might be out on the street.  He walked completely around the large hotel and then headed back to meet up with Adam.

Adam hadn’t seen or heard anything out of the ordinary either, other than one drunk sleeping off his liquor.  Adam headed towards his little brother.  He had assumed that Joe was just a little bit edgier than usual and had let his imagination convince him that something was amiss in town.

Joe could make out his brother’s form heading towards him.  He stopped and waited for him to catch up.  A few scant moments later he saw Adam stop and lean up against the brick wall of the mercantile.  In his haste to catch up to his brother, Joe just missed seeing the shadowy figure as it jumped out from the alleyway between the mercantile and the bank.

Jack Slattery had kept his eyes on Joe Cartwright, having watched him from a distance as the boy had made his way over and back from the International House Hotel.  He knew how close the boy was with Jack’s victim and though he was back in town to take care of Cassie once and for all, he figured he’d take care of both of them now.  Pulling himself out from the darkness, he had pointed his pistol towards Joe when he suddenly heard a voice shout his name.

Adam had called out to the man who was taking aim at his little brother.   He pointed his Colt at Cassie’s assailant to stop him, when Jack unexpectedly went down to his knees and was able fire one quick round.  Adam fell lifelessly down into the street, after a bullet grazed his left temple, knocking him unconscious.

Joe had witnessed the sudden movements of both Jack and Adam.  It had all happened in a split second and he had reached for his weapon right away.  Unfortunately he had also taken his eyes off of Jack Slattery after witnessing his brother falling down into the street.  That had given Slattery just the time he needed to discharge his weapon towards Joe.  Jack’s bullet had hit its target, slamming into Joe’s left shoulder.  The boy went down and his Colt fell to the ground landing just to his right side.

Jack Slattery came completely out of the shadows preparing for the last kill shot.  He was happy to be able to add two dead Cartwrights to his long list of crimes.  Jack saw the blood coming out from Joe’s left shoulder, and knew the southpaw would be no problem now.  He walked closer while Joe attempted to pull himself up onto his knees.

Slattery laughed and spit on the ground as he pointed his pistol directly at Little Joe Cartwright’s head, savoring the boy’s impending death.   It was at that precise moment that Joe made an unexpected split- second move.  He was somehow able to perform a somersault while spinning his body, enabling Joe to pick up his six-gun with his right hand and fall back down to the ground.   He leveled his weapon at Jack.  The resounding sound of a Colt revolver once again filled the air.  Jack Slattery’s body lay splayed out in the street dead.

Joe staggered to where his brother Adam had fallen.  He turned his brother’s body over, expecting the worse.  But, a relieved smile soon filtered down onto Joe’s lips when he noticed his brother’s eyes were opened.  He reached up with his right hand to where Adam’s graze wound fell on his left temple.

“Adam?  You okay?”

Adam slowly sat up and mopped the blood from his face.  “Sure, Kid — hey — what?” his voice shook as he suddenly noticed that his brother had been shot.

“I’m fine,” Joe muttered, and then proceeded to fall smack down onto the street.

Adam pulled his brother over to him and looked at the bullet hole in the boy’s corduroy jacket and the abundance of blood coming out through it.  He lifted his brother up into his arms just as Roy Coffee appeared.

“You boys all right?”  Roy called, and then decided it was a dumb question.  He could see the blood seeping down from Adam’s graze as well as the unconscious youngest Cartwright held in the man’s arms.

“Gotta get to Doc’s place, Slattery got the jump on us.”

“He ain’t gonna get the jump on nobody ever again.  I’ve just seen his body, and he’s stone cold dead.  I’ll send someone to let your pa know!”

Adam nodded to the sheriff and then whispered to his brother, “Good job, Joe.” He then continued down the street to awaken Doctor Martin.  There was the matter of a graze wound to tend and more importantly a slug to get out of Joe.

 

The sun was just beginning to peer over the mountains and Virginia City was just starting to awaken when Ben and Hoss Cartwright got there that morning.  They tied their mounts up to the hitching post in front of Doctor Paul Martin’s office.  Hurrying inside, they were greeted by Adam.  Ben moved closer to his eldest son and spotted the bandage that covered the left side of his forehead.

“Son — are you alright?” Ben asked as his hand fell softly on top of Adam’s forehead.

“I’m fine, Pa.   It’s only a graze.”

“Glad you ain’t hurt worse,” Hoss said, setting a large hand onto his brother’s shoulder.

“He’s going to have a headache,” Doctor Martin called coming out of the back room.  I’ve given your eldest some pain powders.  You make sure he takes those and rests a bit for a few days.”

Ben turned his attention to the doctor.  “I’ll be sure to do just that.  Now – how’s the boy?”

Paul neared the anxious father and shook his head and replied, “I don’t need all this business, Ben,” Paul tried to relax his friend, but Ben caught the worry in the doctor’s eyes.

“Tell me, Paul.”

“Well, it took a while to sedate Joe.  He regained consciousness as soon as Adam brought him here and I got him out of his shirt and jacket.  I think it was all of the stress and worry he’s been going through.  So, I just now have gotten that slug out of him.  It was in a good ways, Ben.  He’s not going to be using that left arm for quite a while.”

Ben searched the doctor’s face again before replying, “He’ll be okay —right?  No permanent damage?”

“I don’t think so, but we’ll just have to wait and find out.  He’ll be in a sling for a while and we’ll just have to see how it goes.  He’s a lucky boy.  That bullet came far too close this time.  He was inches from being killed, Ben.”

Pa shook his head, frowning, as he asked, “Can I see him?”

Paul smiled and shook his head, somewhat amused.  “Ben Cartwright, I expected that to be your FIRST question, not your last.  Sure, go in there, but the kid’s out of it. However, that never stopped you before!”

Ben wasted no time moving into the back room where he found his youngest son settled on an examination table.  The kid was swathed in bandages which crisscrossed his chest and left shoulder.  Ben settled down into the chair next to his son and reached over to him.  He placed his hand down onto Joe’s right arm and sighed.  He knew that the story would be getting out about who had taken care of Jack Slattery.   Pa hoped it would make Joseph feel a bit better once he came around.  Ben had already heard that Joe had only fired after both he and Adam had each taken a bullet.  It made the worried father rest easier knowing that it hadn’t been a cold blooded killing.  He didn’t think Joe would’ve done that.   But the boy had been so emotionally involved that Ben’s concerns hadn’t been put to rest entirely until Roy had sent word explaining what had transpired.

“Ben, he’s going to sleep quite a long while.  I had to use ether to knock him out this time, as the surgery lasted longer than I had originally thought it would.  Why don’t the three of you go and get some breakfast.  I’ll keep my eye on Joe until you get back.”

Pa stood and, softly dropping his hand down onto his son’s head, he brushed back the errant curls.  He didn’t want to leave the boy.

“Doctor’s orders!” Paul insisted and patted his friend on the back.  “You can come right back and fuss over the kid.  But, first you and your other boys go get some grub.

“I’ll be right back, Joseph,” Ben bent down and whispered to his son, once again running his hand through the boy’s curly hair.  He then reluctantly left Paul’s office with both Hoss and Adam.

 

Joe stared in confusion towards the dimly lit lamp.  His eyes fought to focus on his surroundings.  A groan escaped his lips as he tried to move from his back to his side.  He then began to cough due to all the ether Doc had used to knock him out for surgery.

“Here, drink this,” the voice in the chair called out to the boy.

“Pa?” Joe called weakly as he felt his father’s hand on his shoulder.

“No talking until you drink,” Ben insisted, holding the glass up to his son’s lips.

Joe obliged his father, taking in a good couple of sips before dropping his head back down.  He winced from the wound in his shoulder which had begun to throb.

“You’ve been out of it all day, Joseph,” Ben whispered, as he pulled his chair up closer.  “Now didn’t I tell you to be careful before you left?”

“Talk to Adam, he got shot first,” Joe replied, biting back his pain.

Ben could tell his son was hurting, so he tried to calm him.  “Doc will be right back.  He’ll give you something for that shoulder.”  Joe just nodded and closed his eyes.  “And, as for your brother, well, he told me when he saw Slattery drawing a bead on you he had shouted out to him.  Adam drawing the attention away from you most likely saved your life, Young Man.”

“I figured that,” Joe nodded and then looked back up at Pa.  “I had to get Slattery with my right hand, Pa.  He shot me after I saw Adam go down. I got caught off guard.”

Ben ran his fingers through his son’s hair to try and settle the boy down once more.  He could see how the gunfight had affected him.  “Well, Adam is going to be just fine.  I’ve just sent both him and Hoss back home.  Now, as for you, Joseph — well — you’re going to be right handed for a while according to Doc.”

Joe reached over and felt his left arm under all the bandages.  “At least I killed him, Pa — no matter what happened to me.”

“Rest, Joseph.  You did everything you could do.  And looks like your instincts were correct.  Adam said you felt that Slattery was going to come after Cassie.  You prevented her from getting hurt worse, or even killed.  Now I want you to put all of this to rest.”

Joe closed his eyes and thought to himself that it wasn’t really over.  He knew it was a start, but Cassie would have a lot more healing ahead of her.

“I’ll try, Pa,” Joe made a half-hearted attempt to ease his pa’s mind.  He would try to help Cassie more, once the timing was right.

“I see my patient is awake!” Doc called out as he entered the operating room.  “How’s the pain, Joe?”

“I’m okay,” Joe whispered.

“No he’s not,” Ben said, standing.  “He won’t tell you, but he is hurting, Paul.”

“I figured that, “Doc replied knowingly.  “I’ve got something for you to take, Joe.  Then you’re going to sleep the rest of the night, and just maybe I’ll let your pa take you home in the morning.  That is, if you behave.  Paul reached for a bottle of pain killer and poured some onto a tablespoon.  “Open!”

Joe frowned over at his father, but all he got in response was a stern look.  Very reluctantly he swallowed the awful tasting medicine.

“Once you’re out again I need to change those bandages.  Ben, you deal with him while I go and get what I need,” Paul announced, and moved to his back room for the supplies he’d need.

“Pa?” Joe called weakly.  “I need a favor.”

“Yes?” Ben asked, drawing closer to the boy to be able to hear him better.

“Can you get a piece of paper and a pen?  I’m sure Doc has something around here.”

Pa knew that his son wouldn’t go down willingly until he’d had his say.  He searched Paul’s desk and came back with both a small piece of paper and a pencil.  “What now?”

Joe looked down towards his left hand, and realized it was useless for the time being, as it was tied up to his chest in all the bandages to keep his shoulder wound from moving.  “Could you write a note for me?  I’ve only got one hand that’s working right now, and I can’t write with it.”

“Go ahead, tell me what you want the note to say, Son.   And I’m only going to do this if you promise me that, after you’ve dictated the note, you’ll close those eyes!”

“I promise, Pa.  See if Doc can slip this to Cassie for me, will you?  This is what I want to say:  Cassie, I’ve killed him.  It’s just the start, I know.  But, maybe it will help.  Please send for me when you’re ready.  Joe.”

Ben jotted Joe’s message down on the paper and then folded it and placed it inside his vest pocket.  “Okay, now close those eyes, Joseph. You rest and hopefully you’ll get to come home tomorrow.”

“Pa — Pa I have to tell you something,” Joe whispered fighting to stay awake.

“What is it, Joe?” Ben bent down closer to hear his son’s fading voice better.

“Pa — I killed Slattery,” the boy continued softly.

Ben looked on in confusion.  He wondered if the medicine was making his son’s thoughts muddled.  “I know you did, Joseph.”

“Pa — I never got to thank you — I’m sorry, Pa,” Joe apologized.

“Thank me?  Thank me for what?”

Joe lifted his right hand and waved for his father to draw closer.  Ben moved right next to the boy, settling just inches from his face.  Soon he felt Joe’s right arm going around his neck and he pulled his pa towards his chest.  Tears flowing from his eyes, Joe choked out,”I never thanked you for killing Cade.  Pa, you killed him for me — and I never even thanked you.  I’m sorry, Pa.  Thank you for doing that for me.  You even took a bullet doing that and I never even told you how much it meant to me.  Thanks, Pa.  You’re the best.”

“Sleep, Son,” Pa whispered as he watched Joe’s eyelids close and could tell that the boy had fallen back under due to the medicine Doc had provided.  Ben brushed back spent tears from his eyes upon hearing his son’s final words of gratitude.  Somewhere in Joe’s mind he had gone back in time and it all made sense.  The boy had killed Jack Slattery for his friend, and it brought up the fact that his father had killed Cade for him.  “Rest, Joseph,” Pa sighed as he leaned forward and softly kissed his son’s forehead.  He worried about the boy’s injury along with the trauma he was still dealing with.  Cursing Cade Burroughs under his breath, Ben settled into the chair.  He prayed that somehow his son could forget all that he had gone through, but due to what had happened to Cassie it was an uphill battle.  Fighting old hurtful memories, the tired father waited for Paul to return to change Joe’s bandages.  It was going to be a long night.

 

 

“Try it again, Joe,” Doctor Martin called over to his patient.

Joe frowned and drew in a deep breath.  He looked up at his father who was standing next to the settee.  Ben nodded towards his son.  “Okay,” Joe replied, and tried to lift his left elbow up and out away from his side.  He could only raise his arm about two inches.  “Still not too good,” he said frustrated.

“Now, I told you that you’re going to have to be patient, didn’t I?” Paul reminded Joe and then looked up towards Ben.  “This boy of yours doesn’t have any idea just how bad that wound was when I removed that slug three weeks ago, does he, Ben?”

“If he had been able to see it at the time, like we did, maybe he’d know why he’s still having trouble, Paul.”

Joe sat on the settee visibly upset that he had made such little progress with his dominant arm.   He could tell that both the doctor and his pa weren’t the least bit surprised by his inability to move his arm more than he had.

“Now, Young Man, slide it back into that sling,” Doc urged and helped Joe with the maneuver, settling the boy’s arm once again in the sling.  “You can continue with those exercises I gave you, but I don’t want you to push it.”  Paul stood and moved next to his friend.  “Ben, you make sure he takes it easy.  And it sure wouldn’t hurt if you could get this kid to eat more, too!  He’s got to build up his strength before he’ll gain more use of that arm.”

“I eat plenty.   And, you two don’t have to talk about me like I’m five years old, either,” Joe argued, as he continued to frown.

“See what I’ve got to deal with, Paul?” Ben asked, raising his hands in gesture.

Doctor Martin laughed and patted the other man’s shoulder.  “I’m glad I’m just his doctor.  Now, Joe, I’ll stop by again next week.  And I hope to see you in a better mood.  I would also like to see a few additional pounds on you too!”

Joe stood from the sofa and walked towards the front door with the doctor.  “I’ll try, Doc.  Hey, have you seen Cassie lately?”

Paul shook his head, “Not since I gave her that note your father gave me back when you first got hurt, Joe.  I’ve tried, but — well you know her father.  He’s a hard case.  Even after all she’s gone through, he told me to stop visiting her.  I haven’t seen her around town anywhere either.  I hope Frank isn’t making this whole ordeal any worse on her than it already has been.”

Ben watched the interplay between his son and the doctor and tried to change the subject.  He knew that his son had been very worried about Cassie, and Joseph didn’t need more cause for concern.  “I hear the Miller family has a new baby, Paul.  I guess you’ve been busier than usual, huh?”

His friend’s attempt to change the topic didn’t go unnoticed by Paul.  “Yes, that one kept me waiting until midnight two days ago, Ben.   But, then again, I remember this kid here doing the same thing twenty years ago!” Doc indicated Joe.

Joe looked back and forth between his father and the doctor and shook his head.  He could tell what they were trying to do, and wasn’t very happy about it.  “If you see her,” Joe paused, and shot his father a displeased look, “let me know will you, Doc?”

Paul pulled open the front door and nodded towards his patient.  “I will.  Now don’t you over do it, okay, Joe?  I’ll see you next Friday.”

“Thanks again, Paul,” Ben patted the man on the shoulder as he headed out towards his surrey.   He then turned back to focus on his son.  “Joseph, worrying about Cassie isn’t going to help her and it’s certainly not going to help you.”

Joe looked down at the floor and sighed.  “I can’t help it, Pa.  She needs me and I can’t help her right now.”

Ben dropped his hand down onto his son’s right shoulder and said, “There will be a time when you can help her.  But, you’ve got to let her make the first move, Son.”

Before Joe could reply Hop Sing came out from the kitchen and approached the two Cartwrights.  “Have nice lunch ready!” He called to them.

“Okay, thanks,” Ben replied and the cook went about setting the food onto the dining table.  “Now, as for you, Joseph, I better see you eat a full meal.  You can’t get better until you start eating more.  You heard the doctor.”

“I’m just not very hungry, Pa.  I haven’t done much around here to work up an appetite, you know?”

Ben guided his son towards the dining room and replied, “Oh you’ll work up an appetite today — you’re going to help me do the monthly books!”

Joe fought off a smile as he could tell that Pa had just called his bluff.  “I should’ve kept my mouth shut,” He muttered as he sat down at the table.  “Okay, Pa, I’ll try to eat more if it will help my arm get better,” he conceded.

 

Joe could only handle just so much inactivity, and by the fourth week of hanging around the house he had had enough.  And, with each new day that passed, he couldn’t get Cassie out of his mind.  So, when he finally witnessed his two brothers along with his father leaving to go check on the progress with the timber crew, he decided it was time to make a move.  He had slipped past Hop Sing easily enough, as the cook and caregiver was busy doing the wash out on the back porch.  Joe made it out to the barn and moved over to Cochise’s stall.  He had gone out to see his horse almost daily, but hadn’t been able to ride, as his arm was still in a sling.  And, from what the doctor had said, he’d only have the use of one arm for a lot longer.  So, Joe decided he’d have to see for himself what he could accomplish with his right arm only.  He was able to lift the saddle and bridle off of the gate of the stall, and set them both down by his feet.  Joe grabbed the saddle blanket and tossed it up onto the pinto’s back.

“Just what in the world do you think you’re doing?” The deep baritone voice called out.

Joe spun around to see his father leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest, and a perturbed look on his face.  “Oh — Pa — I thought you went out with Adam and Hoss?”

“I figured you were up to something,” Ben frowned and moved next to his son.  “Now, you want to tell me why you’re trying your best to saddle a horse that you’re not supposed to be riding?”

“Pa — I’ve just got to get away for a little while.  I’m gonna go crazy if I have to sit around here for one more day.  I wasn’t going to go far,” Joe tried to get his message across to his father.

“And, do you want to explain to me just HOW you were going to saddle Cochise one armed?” Ben asked, exasperation painting his face.

Joe simply frowned in response, realizing he hadn’t thought his escape plan out very well.

“Joseph — if you feel the need to get out for a while I can drive you in the buckboard to town,” Pa tried his best to sound sympathetic towards the boy.

“Pa, I need to be alone — not all day —just for a little while.”

Ben shook his head frustrated.   He didn’t want the boy to ride off anywhere.  It would be just too easy for him to get hurt if he did.  But, he could tell just by looking into Joe’s eyes that he was probably going to try to ride away the first chance he got if his father failed to help him now.  “You are NOT to do this again without letting me know, understand?”

Joe smiled as he watched his Pa grab the saddle and lift it up onto Cochise.  He tightened the cinch, which Joe wouldn’t have been able to do with only one working arm. Pa also got the bridle situated and tossed the reins over the pinto’s neck.  “I promise, Pa.  I really appreciate your help and understanding why I’ve got to get out for a little while.’

“You need help up?” Ben asked, still not pleased with anything his son was trying to do.

In response to Pa’s question Joe reached for the saddle-horn with his right hand and slipped his left boot into the stirrup.  He was soon up into the saddle just fine.  “I got this, Pa,” he said, taking the reins into his right hand.  “And before you say it, yes I will be careful!”

“Remember you’re not wearing a gun and you can’t even manage a rifle in the shape that you’re in.  So, don’t go into town, or anywhere else where you might encounter trouble.”

“I won’t.  I’ll be back before long.  Thanks, Pa!”  Joe smiled, as he slowly eased Cochise out of the barn.

“And, when you get home you let someone help you down and remove that saddle too!”  Ben shouted towards the departing young man on the pinto.  All he heard in response was the sound of Joseph’s laughter.

 

Joe rode for about an hour, mainly just enjoying his freedom and not paying attention to where he was heading.  It had seemed a bit awkward, holding onto the reins in his right hand, and trying to disregard the pain shooting down from his shoulder from all the activity.  He finally pulled to a halt there at the bridge overlooking Miller’s Pond.  Joe hadn’t planned on going to the bridge, but his instincts must have sent him there.  He spied Cassie’s horse and then the girl sitting midway down on the bridge.  Carefully dismounting, Joe tied Cochise’s reins to the railing and slowly approached his friend.

“Cassie?”  Joe called down to the girl quietly.

“Why are you here, Joe?” she called up to her friend, unable to look at him.

“Mind if I sit down?”  He fought to figure out what to say.

Cassie pulled her hands up to her face and replied sullenly, “I can’t talk about it.”

Joe eased down onto the wooden bridge and kept a good distance from her, not wanting to scare Cassie off.  He could tell by her appearance she had been crying.

“I’ve been so worried about you,” He whispered.

Cassie turned her head briefly as she caught a sight of Joe’s arm in the sling.  “I know you killed him, I got your note.”

“I know it doesn’t stop it from hurting, Cassie.  I just didn’t want you to have to deal with a trial.”

Cassie shook her head and then brought up the book that was laid on her lap.  “I’m glad you killed him, Joe.  But, I still see him when I close my eyes.  He never really leaves me.  You know I’ve been reading that poem that I tried to recite to you when you gave this book to me, Joe.  It says that all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death.  It also says life is a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing.  That’s how I feel now.  Life is nothing to me now.  And my yesterdays are only filled with sadness.”

 

“I know it still hurts, but I promise you it will get better.  I saw Cade’s face for a long while.  But, he did go away — it just took time.”

Cassie shook her head, totally distraught.  “That was YOU, Joe!  You had your father and your brothers!  You told me they tried to help you feel like you hadn’t done anything wrong.  My father blames me!  He acts like I’ve disgraced him.  How are we alike?  Your pa didn’t look at you like mine does to me.”

Joe looked down at the water running under the bridge.  He fought to find something positive to say, but was finding it challenging.  He knew that, had his pa suggested somehow he had disgraced him by having been attacked, that he might not have survived his ordeal.  Joe also wanted to personally beat the hell out of Frank Brenden for hurting Cassie like he had.  But, Joe didn’t think even that would help his friend.

“Cassie, lots of people care about you.  You know how much I love you.  I don’t think of you any differently, and I never will.  I believe in you.   And I truly believe that you’re stronger than you think.  You will get through this!”

Cassie wiped the tears from her eyes and stood, turning away from her friend.  “Joe, I know you’ve gone through something similar.   But no matter what you say, it’s just not helping me.  And, I happen to know that deep down you’ve never been the same ever since you were attacked.  You try to hide it from everyone else, but I see it when I look at you.  So, no matter what you try to tell me, I know that I’ll never be the same either.  This is something that I have to deal with by myself.  Please just leave me alone.  I’m sorry,” she whispered and walked away from Joe, heading to the other side of the bridge to retrieve her horse.

Joe stood staring at the departing figure of his friend.  He wished he could have chosen better words that might have helped Cassie.  Turning back to Cochise he grabbed the reins and carefully mounted his horse.  Feeling totally at a loss as to how he could help his friend, he turned for home.

All four Cartwrights sat at the dinner table that evening.  The conversation turned to how the crews up at the logging camp had been getting the work done there and also about plans for the upcoming cattle drive.  Hoss and Adam noticed, just as their father had, that Joe hadn’t joined in on any of the conversation.  Ben watched as his youngest merely picked at his food, seemingly in deep thought.  He wondered where the boy had gone off to that afternoon.  All Pa knew was that Hoss had helped his brother unsaddle his horse when he made it back around four that afternoon.

“Hey, Joe,” Hoss paused, hoping to jolt his brother out of his somber mood, “I bet old Cochise was sure glad to have her master back paying attention to her!”

“Yeah,” Joe nodded, not looking up from his plate.

Ben cleared his throat trying to get the attention of both Adam and Hoss.  “Adam,” Ben paused, redirecting his gaze from Joe over to his eldest, “did you and Hoss have any luck in town getting some drovers after you left the timber crew?”

“We got about three more, Pa.  But, we need to find at least a couple more.”

“Do you think you’ll have time to find them, what with you and Hoss leaving in just two days?”

Hoss broke in and said, “I think we can get at least two of the men from Mr. Gentry.  He was talking about letting a few of his hands go, now that he’s not driving any cattle to market.  At least that’s what I heard from Jim Flannery over at the livery stable in town.”

Ben nodded, “I guess that will have to do.”  Pa looked over at Joe again as the boy set his napkin down next to his plate.

“I think I’ll turn in.  Goodnight,” Joe announced quietly and began to walk away from the dining table.

“Joseph?” Ben called to his son.  “Doc said you needed to eat better — remember?  You’ve hardly touched your supper.”

Joe’s eyes looked towards the floor and not his father as he replied, “I’ll eat more at breakfast.  I’m going to do my exercises and go to sleep,” he made the statement and then walked away towards the staircase.

All the other Cartwrights looked on, worry painting their faces.

“Reckon where Joe went this afternoon, Pa?  When I helped him with his saddle he didn’t say nothing,” Hoss asked.

“I think I know,” Pa responded.  “I didn’t follow him.   However, I was on my way back from talking to Roy and thought I saw Cassie coming from the direction of Miller’s Pond.  If she was there, and Joseph ran into her, well, it would make sense that his mood changed.  He was happy to get out of here and go for a ride and apparently came back depressed.”

Adam shook his head, worried about his youngest brother.  “Pa, if Joe’s shoulder wasn’t doing poorly I’d suggest he go on this cattle drive to get away for a while.  I know he wants to help his friend —- but due to the circumstances, it’s probably not a good thing for him to get involved.   I think that trying to help Cassie is bringing back bad memories of all he’s gone through.”

“I know, Adam — I know,” Ben sighed.  “I’ve noticed that Joe seems much more withdrawn ever since all this happened.  It’s not helping his shoulder heal, and it’s not helping him emotionally either.  I’ll just have to think of something to keep him occupied while you and Hoss are gone,” Pa explained, and wondered how he could help Joe.  At the present time he didn’t have a clue as to how to accomplish that task.

 

Ben woke from a troubled sleep. Joseph’s problems had invaded his dreams.  His worry over his youngest was in the forefront of his thoughts.  Deciding he would go downstairs and perhaps read a little to try to take his mind off his troubles, Ben donned his robe and slippers and left his room.  As he made it down the stairs, he stopped at the last landing.  Joseph was there in front of the fireplace sitting on the coffee table staring blankly at the flames.

“Can’t sleep?” Ben called over to the boy as he walked over to him.

Joe looked over at his father and nodded.  He had, in fact, been sitting there in the living room for hours.

“Tell me about it,” Pa said as he sat on the table next to the boy.

“I’m sure you’ve figured it out already, Pa.  I saw Cassie.”

Ben dropped his arm around Joe’s right shoulder and replied, “Where did you see her?”  He didn’t want to give away the fact that he had already guessed where the boy had gone.  Ben didn’t want his son to think he had been followed to the bridge.

“I went to Miller’s Pond, Pa.  She was there.  She’s still just as bad, or worse than when I saw her more than a month ago,” Joe sighed.

“You want to tell me what she said, Son?”

“Her stupid father — he’s just making all of this harder for her.  She said he thinks that she’s disgraced him due to being attacked,” Joe replied, his anger building in his chest.  He stood up and paced there in front of the fireplace.  “I’d sure like to beat the hell out of him!”

“Would that help Cassie?”

Joe shook his head, “No — I guess not.  It might make me feel better though.  You know Cassie said that her father blames her, and that I’m lucky I never got treated like that,” Joe paused and looked over at Pa, “she was right.  I know how lucky I am to have you — I just wish her father could show her the kind of understanding that I got.  I know I wouldn’t still be alive if you had acted like Brendon has been acting towards her.  Some father, huh?”

Pa stood and moved next to Joe.  “I think you’re too close to this situation, Joseph.  As much as you care about Cassie, you’ve got to let it run its course.”

“Pa?” Joe whispered, his eyes sought those of his father’s as he continued, “You’re right — I need to get away.  Would it be okay with you if I went with Adam and Hoss on the cattle drive?  It would give me some time away from all of this.  And just maybe when I get home — well— maybe Cassie will be ready to really talk to me.  Right now she wants to be left alone, and I can’t just sit around worrying about her.”

“Joseph — normally I would be in full agreement with you.   However, I think you’re forgetting about that left arm of yours.  You’ve got to let it heal.”

“Pa — I can still help — even if I only have the use of my right arm.   I can herd cows as good as anyone,” Joe argued.

Ben shook his head and sighed.  He had to figure out what to say that wouldn’t upset his son.   He also needed to think of the dangers that the boy might encounter.  “You know it’s a dangerous trek to get those cattle to market and it’s going to take five or six weeks.  I know you can herd those cows, but if they were to turn in on you — well— I just don’t think you’d be able to get out of the way in time.”

Both men once again took seats back down onto the coffee table.  Joe thought for a few minutes and looked back up at his father and said,” Pa — that could happen on any drive whether I had the use of one arm or two.  Will you at least think on it?”

Ben thought for a few moments and stared into his son’s pleading eyes.  He did agree that going away would help the boy, but worried about his injury and the chance of him getting hurt even worse.  “I’ll tell you what — I’ll go talk with Doc tomorrow.  If he gives the okay then you can go.  BUT you have to agree to go along with whatever he says, deal?”

Joe smiled over at his father and nodded.  “Okay, Pa — deal,” he replied.

“Now — since you didn’t do justice to your supper how about coming into the kitchen with me and we’ll go see what Hop Sing has in there to snack on?”

Joe grinned, “Still trying to fatten me up, huh?”

“It would be a challenge!” Ben laughed and the two of them stood and headed into the kitchen.

 

Hoss was happy to have his little brother with him the next day.  There was so much to get done before the cattle drive, and Joe had helped both of his brothers in getting the supplies they needed up at the trail camp.  Hoss was surprised to find Joe in a good mood as he assisted him in filling the two chuck wagons with provisions for the long cattle drive.  Adam had checked in with the other drovers and then met up with his two brothers as they readied for home.

“You got everything about done?” Adam called down from his horse to Hoss.

“Yep,” Hoss nodded as Joe came around from the side of one of the wagons, his right arm laden down with a ten pound sack of flour.

“I see your new helper worked out okay.” Adam smiled as his eyes caught sight of his youngest brother.

“Yeah, he’s put in a full day, too!”

Joe loaded the last of the flour inside the chuck wagon and glanced over at Adam.  “Hey, guys, I DO know how to work, you know?”

Hoss patted Joe on the back and replied, “we know you know HOW, Little Joe, we just don’t get to see you do it often!”

“Very funny,” Joe turned and gave Hoss a playful jab to his ribs.  “You two ready to head for home?”

“Yeah, I think it’s time to eat!”  Hoss announced as he stepped up into the buckboard and grabbed the reins.  “Climb in or walk, Joe!”

“Make the kid walk, Hoss,” Adam laughed, “It’ll make him hungry for a change.  Pa just keeps worrying about him not eating.  A little ten mile walk is just what he needs!”

“No thanks, I think I’ll just take a nap while Hoss drives me,” Joe retorted, as he launched himself up onto the bench seat.  He closed his eyes and pulled down his hat.  Joe had enjoyed the time spent working and not just sitting around the house waiting for Cassie to ask to see him.  He hoped that just maybe his brothers would let Pa know that he could handle the upcoming cattle drive.

“Let’s go then,” Adam turned his mount towards the ranch house and followed his brothers in.

 

Joe spotted Doctor Martin’s surrey tied up to the front hitching post.  He began to worry that the man had come to talk sense into him.  Of course that would mean that Pa had worked on the good doctor, hoping to keep his son home.  Frowning as he left his two brothers to put away the team, Joe entered the ranch house.

“I figured you were out doing something you shouldn’t be doing,” Paul chastised, as he cast a look over at his most frequent patient.

“I did fine,” Joe paused and tried to gauge the appearance on his father’s face.  It seemed to show the “break it to him slowly” look in Pa’s eyes and the “this is for the best” set to his shoulders.

“Joseph, Doc and I have been talking,” Ben announced and moved over to his son.

“Uh oh,” Joe replied warily.  “Who wants to tell me I’m not going first?”

Paul stood and joined Ben next to the sofa table where his patient waited for bad news.  “Go pull up one of those dining chairs, Joe.   I need to check you over,” Doc pointed towards the dining room chairs, and motioned towards the fireplace.

Joe wondered if both Pa and Doctor Martin were trying to test him to see if he could move a danged chair.  He lifted it easily with his right hand, and moved it next to his father’s red leather chair in front of the fireplace.  “Is it good enough here or you two want to see me lift it up the stairs?”

Doc shook his head and looked up at Ben.  “He’s in rare form today, isn’t he?”

Pa laughed and walked with Paul over to where Joe had set the dining chair.  He set his hand down on his son’s right shoulder and pointed down at the chair and said, “Just sit down, Joseph.  Doc’s in charge, remember our deal?”

Joe did as his father instructed him to, not wanting to challenge either man at the time.  “Okay, what now?”

Paul sat down on the end of the coffee table opposite his patient and said, “I want you to carefully pull that left arm out of the sling.”

Joe obliged the doctor, and slowly freed his arm from the sling.  He tried his very best not to show that he still had pain from his shoulder.  It was there, though Joe’s eyes gave the sign he was just fine.

“Now, I want you to put your left hand down resting on your knee palm side up,” Doc said, watching Joe closely.  He hadn’t missed the hesitancy in the boy’s eyes.

Joe rotated his arm so his hand sat palm side up, as he had been ordered.

Paul reached over and undid four of the buttons on his patient’s shirt.  He then placed his hand on the boy’s left shoulder, just underneath his collarbone.  “Now, rotate your arm the other way slowly, Joe.  I want to see what I can feel.”

Once again, Joe slowly turned his injured arm and this time it seemed more difficult.  His face struggled not to give away the fact that the pain in his shoulder had become much sharper.

Paul nodded, confirming what the two of them had spoken about before Joe had arrived home.  He turned to look back towards Ben.  “He’s still got an issue with the wound, I can feel it.   It might be scar tissue, a little nerve damage or a combination of both, Ben.   And, it’s not helping the matter that your son hasn’t gained any weight since he got shot!  He needs to build up muscle mass to help this heal.”

“Hey, I’m sitting right here!” Joe piped up, aggravated that Doc and Pa seemed to have come to some kind of conclusion about his injury long before he had gotten home.

“You want me to sedate you, Young Man?” Paul asked, staring at Joe very annoyed.

“Well, no — but I want to know what’s going on.  It is MY arm you know!”

Paul placed his hand again onto Joe’s left shoulder and said, “Back to palm side up, Joe.”

Joe again made the movement and glanced back towards his father.  Pa looked as annoyed as Doctor Martin.  He wasn’t sure if his father was irritated with him or just frustrated by his injury.

Paul’s fingers touched the indention which had been made by the bullet.  He felt a defined grinding sensation as his patient had moved his arm.   “ Squeeze my hand as hard as you can, Joe,” Doc insisted, as he took a hold of his patient’s left hand.   Though he could tell that Joe was trying his best, the effort came off very feeble.  Paul simply shook his head and moved onto the next maneuver.   “Okay, now tuck that elbow in at your side and slowly move it outward and show me how far you can pull it away from your body.”

Joe gave a sigh.   He hated that part of the examination!  He could fake just about anything else, but that movement for some reason, unbeknownst to him, hurt like the devil.  With two sets of eyes staring intently at him, Joe was able to move his arm out just a little bit.

Paul shook his head once more and asked, “Is that it, Joe?”

“Well — yeah — but it’s more than I could do last week,” Joe insisted.

“Let’s see if you can get your buttons done up, since you’re not in ANY pain,” Doc returned, smiling knowingly at Joe.  He knew full well that the boy was trying his best to hide the pain which the exam had caused him.

Joe reached with his right hand and carefully tugged at each button until he got all four of them done up.  His left hand only assisted as a weight to keep his shirt pulled taunt to help him in the process.

Paul helped ease his patient’s arm back into the sling.  He tried to appear sympathetic towards Joe.  He knew the boy had a lot on his mind, including worrying about what Cassie was still going through.  “Joe, your arm is perhaps a little better, but not by much.  I know you want to go on this cattle drive — but I can’t see that helping you physically.  In fact it could harm you.”

“Well, maybe I don’t need it to help me physically, Doc.  I need it for up here,” Joe pointed to his head.  “I’ve got to get away!   It’s too hard just sitting around here worrying all of the time.”  Joe’s eyes sought out the doctor and then turned towards his father.  He looked intently at both men, and in his expression they both understood that Joe was struggling with all that had happened with Cassie.

“We’ll watch out for him.” Adam called across the room as he and Hoss stood by the front door.  The two brothers had watched and listened quietly as their little brother had been put through the motions with his arm.

Doc turned and replied, “And now you’re a doctor too, huh?”

“No, Doc,” Hoss jumped in to the situation, “We just know Joe needs a break from worrying about Cassie.  And both Adam and me will make sure the little varmint will do his exercises every day.”

“Ben, I didn’t know I was going to be over-ridden by all three of your sons!”

Pa cleared his throat as a warning sign to all of his boys and returned, “Now Joseph agreed to do whatever Paul said.”

“Since when?” Hoss laughed.

Doc shook his head, showing how annoyed he was getting at the whole situation.  “Okay, okay — I can’t stop this kid anyhow, Ben — and I’m not even sure that YOU can!”

“Yes I can,” Ben affirmed, showing a stern inflection in his tone.  “Just tell him what you think about him going, Paul.”

“I THINK he’s out of his mind!”  Doc sang out and reached for his black medical bag.  “But, I’ve thought that for quite a while anyhow.”  He walked over to Joe and settled his hand down onto his good shoulder.  “I’m going to tell you that you’d better be extra careful, Joseph.  Because if you come back worse off than you are now —- well — maybe you need to find another doctor to patch you up!”

Joe broke into a big smile and stood from the chair.  “Come on, Doc — you know your life would’ve been boring without my business.”

“Don’t try that on me, Joe.  I’m not happy with you right now.  But, maybe I can have a month or so to relax and not stitch you up, set your bones or bind your busted ribs.  Let him go, Ben — Lord knows you could use the rest too!”

Pa wasn’t pleased to see Doctor Martin caving to his youngest son’s wishes.   With a frown creasing his mouth he moved closer to Paul and said, “You’re saying it won’t hurt him to go on this drive?”

“I didn’t say that.  He said it and his brothers think it, only time will tell what the outcome will be.  Joe — you do those exercises every day, you understand?”

“Doc, I’ll sit on him if he doesn’t,” Hoss called over.

“I’ll do them,” Joe nodded.

“And I expect you to come back at least five pounds heavier!” Paul announced and moved towards the front door.

“I’ll try my best,” Joe smiled and walked with the doctor.

“You’d better!” Paul called sternly and took one last look towards Ben.  He could tell that the boy’s father was none too happy.  “Ben, you’re going to worry about him whether he’s here in the house or if he’s a hundred or more miles away.  Let him go and YOU stay home and get some rest for a change!  Goodbye.”

Ben waved towards the doctor as he stepped outside and made his way over towards his surrey.    Pa then turned towards his sons.  He crossed his arms and shot a warning look towards both Hoss and Adam.  They could tell he wasn’t happy that they had come to their brother’s aid.

“This was supposed to be just Doctor Martin and Joseph.  Who invited your opinions?”

Adam sighed and moved closer to his father and replied, “Come on, Pa.  Joe would’ve worn you down and you know it.  And we WILL keep an eye on him and we will make sure he takes care of his arm.”

“Well, I’m going to get some rest,” Joe sang out as he made his way over to the staircase.  “I’ve got a long cattle drive starting the day after tomorrow!”  And with that, the young man headed up to his room.

Ben had to fight off his normal worry over his youngest.  Joe had a sincere smile on his face for the first time in more than a month.  He had to let the kid go, even if he wasn’t keen on the idea.  “Watch after Joseph, Boys,” Ben sighed and walked towards the kitchen full of mixed emotions.

“We always do!” Adam called towards to his father, trying to reassure the man.  Pa turned around briefly and grinned over at his two older boys.  ***they have done more than their share of watching out for Joe over the years *** Ben thought to himself.  *** If only JOSEPH would start to watch after JOSEPH more, and stop worrying about everyone else’s problems! ***  He sighed and continued towards the kitchen.

 

Adam and Hoss spent most of the following day taking care of last minute details and readying all of the drovers and wagons for the trip east scheduled for the next morning.  Having completed all of their tasks they ended the afternoon in Virginia City enjoying a few last hours of relaxation.  They had asked Joe if he wanted to tag along but he had refused.  He wanted to get everything ready in advance so he could turn in earlier than usual.  Joe didn’t want anyone to have to wait around on him, as it did take him a little longer than usual to get himself together in the morning due to his injury.  As he slowly readied his saddle bags that evening his father walked into his bedroom.

“Looks like you’re about ready,” Ben called as he moved over towards his son’s bed.  Joe never turned around, but continued to pack his clothes one handed.

“Yeah, Pa, I’m just about done.”

“I’ve got one more test for you,” Ben announced.

Joe frowned as he spun around to face his father.  He was sure he was about to get yet another lecture over the foolishness of his decision to go on the cattle drive.  “What now?”

Ben’s stern demeanor changed to a calm understanding resolve.  “I want you to show me one last time that you’ll be able to handle yourself, Son.”

Joe looked up at his father confused, “Pa, I’ve told you I’ll be careful.”

“Just a minute, I have something for you,” Ben paused and headed back out into the hallway.  He quickly returned with a good sized box in his hands.  Setting it down onto Joe’s bed, he pointed over to the boy.  “Go ahead, Joseph, open it.”

Setting his saddle bag down off of the bed Joe moved next to the box.  He pulled the lid up and stared down at the contents.  Joe looked back up at his Pa.  “A holster?” he asked, and reached with his right hand, pulling the leather up out of the box.  There was a six-gun already placed inside the holster.

“Prove to me you can get that on.  It will make me feel better, even if you think I’m being my normal over-protective self,” Pa laughed.

Joe wasn’t sure why Pa would have bought him a new gun belt, though he could see the pistol was his regular one.  Pa had to know that, what with his injury, that there was no way he could use a gun or a holster.  Joe set it back in the box, frowning.  “That’s not very fair, Pa.  You know I can’t use my left arm yet.  Are you still trying to get me to give up on the cattle drive?” Joe asked, the tone of his voice giving away the fact that he was upset.

Ben shook his head and pulled the holster back out of the box.  “You fool kid,” he sighed, as he set the gift out on his son’s bed.  “You do know your right hand from your left one, right?”

Joe took another look at the gift.  He had jumped to the conclusion that his Pa had gifted him with a left handed holster with the intention of forcing him to acknowledge his limitations.  Instead, his father had bought him a new right handed holster.  He didn’t know what to say, as he was embarrassed that he hadn’t noticed his Pa’s attempt to be supportive.

“I’m sorry, Pa,” Joe finally whispered.

“Well?  You ready for your test?” Ben smiled.

“What — you want me to fire my gun in the house?” Joe laughed.

“No — I want to see you put it on.”

Joe hadn’t thought about that part of the test.  He reasoned he would be able to fire the weapon as he had been able to use his right hand well enough to take care of Jack Slattery with it.  But, Joe had no idea how he would be able to get the holster secured around his waist, what with only the use of his right arm.  Ben must have noticed his son’s hesitancy, as he dropped his hand down onto the boy’s right shoulder, giving him a gentle squeeze.

“Have faith, it’s not going to be that hard.  Now go ahead and try, Joseph.”

Joe removed the pistol first, not wanting it to drop out, just in case he had issues strapping the holster on.  He then eased his arm out of the sling and used his left hand to help hold the side of the holster as he reached with his right hand to pull the strap through the buckle.

“This is harder than it looks, Pa,” Joe quipped as he tried and failed the first time.

Ben stood patiently urging the boy on.  He hated that Joe was going on the cattle drive, but believed he would rest easier if he knew the kid at least had some kind of a weapon on him.  “You’ll get it,” Ben nodded.

Finally, Joe succeeded to strap the holster on, and he then settled the Colt into its’ holder.  He triumphantly smiled up at his father.  “Thanks, Pa.”

“Notice anything?” Ben asked, raising his eyebrows in gesture.

“Huh?”

“You sure are distracted tonight! Pa exclaimed.   “The usual rawhide strings, well, I know you’re not able to tie them down to your thigh yet.  So I had the tanner make you a buckle instead.  Go ahead, let’s see how it works.”

Joe obliged and bent forward to try to position the strap.  “Gee, Pa, just when I thought you were gonna make it easy for me!  Two buckles in one night!” he quipped and tugged and pulled but finally got the gun belt positioned just right.”

Pa sighed and wrapped his arm around Joe’s shoulder, “I guess if you don’t have to get ready in too much of a hurry every morning you’ll be just fine.  Now, remember the three stipulations I made last night.  Let’s hear them one last time, Joseph.”

“Okay — one last time,” Joe sighed.  If my arm starts to get worse or hurts too much, I’m to leave Cochise with my brothers, find a town, get on a stage, and get my butt home.  Number two — don’t take any unnecessary risks, especially while riding and let one of the men handle my saddle.  What was number three again, Pa?” Joe grinned.

“Number three is you’d better eat while you’re gone and come home weighing at least five pounds more than you do now.  Maybe I need you to quote these three again?   After all, I did whittle them down from ten to three stipulations!”

Joe unbuckled his holster and tie-down and placed the gift back on his bed.  “I’ll eat.   Though I can’t promise I’ll gain much, what with not having Hop Sing’s cooking.  C’mon, Pa, you worry too much about me!  I’ll be just fine.  You know I’m ALWAYS careful,” he said, grinning sheepishly.

Pa pointed at his son’s injured left arm as he watched Joe settling it back inside the sling.  “Yes, Joseph, that sling is a perfect reminder of how CAREFUL you are!  Now, just take care of yourself.”

Joe patted his father’s shoulder and nodded, “that’s a promise.  Have a good time while I’m away.  Like Doc said, Pa, you need to enjoy having some peace and quiet for a change!”

Ben turned for the bedroom door and cast one final look at his youngest son.  He could tell that Joe was happy, and it was the first time in more than a month that he hadn’t mentioned Cassie for a whole day.  “See you in the morning, Joseph.”

“Goodnight, Pa, — and thanks!”  Joe smiled over at his father, his eyes reflecting how much he appreciated Pa letting him go on the drive without making a big fuss about it.

 

Early the next morning Ben watched as his three sons waved goodbye and rode out to meet the drovers to begin the long cattle drive east.  Before they left the front yard, Ben had offered his typical instructions for them all to be careful.  He sent them off trying to look confident in their prior experience with moving a large herd to market.  Adam had been pulled aside the night before and his father had asked him to send regular updates on their progress from any small town they happened to be close enough to during their journey.  He had also reminded his eldest to keep a sharp eye out for Joe, just in case his injury worsened.  Adam had reassured Ben he would do both.  Now the anxious father would have to wait and try to have faith in the abilities of all three of his boys to suffice.  There were plenty of other chores to keep him occupied during their absence.

Weeks went by slowly for the patriarch of the Ponderosa.  He had received sporadic progress reports from Adam.  He had assured his father that all was going well for the most part.  There had been a few problems incurred along the way but nothing that was too serious.  Adam did mention that Joe had been practicing using his Colt pistol with his right hand and had gotten quite good with it.   But both older brothers were forcing him to continue to work with his left arm and hand, trying to get it to loosen up and begin to regain strength.  There were also a few mentions of Joe having nightmares, but that he refused to share what they had been about.  His father didn’t have to guess.   He knew what his youngest son was worried about.  He also knew that Joseph’s troubles often played out in his dreams.  Ben kept each telegraph on his desk and he had reread them often.  He was grateful for the updates that his eldest son had provided.  However, he wouldn’t be content until he laid eyes and hands on all three of his boys.  He just plain missed them.

Sitting in his favorite chair by the blazing fire and sipping on coffee that Hop Sing had provided before he had shuffled off to his room, Ben thought on his sons.  It came as no surprise to him that he was having trouble sleeping.  Though he had enjoyed some of that peace and quiet that both Doctor Martin and Joseph had mentioned, he was ready for noise, confusion and levity.  Ben missed the antics of his boys.   He thought to himself *** just when you finally have peace and calm in your life you realize that you miss all of the rough housing and squabbles and sometimes all out fighting *** Ben stood and grabbed the fire poker, toying with the burning logs.  ***those boys!  They’re either arguing with each other, trying to one-up each other or goofing off!  If they were here I’d be complaining and telling them to be quiet.  You’re an old fool, Ben.  Instead of enjoying some time to yourself you’re hoping they’ll come busting into the house right now!***  Ben returned to his seat and pulled the book he had been reading off of the coffee table.  It wouldn’t be too long before his sons would return.  Adam’s last telegraph had said they were staying at a little town called Sand Dust for four or five days.  He had mentioned that both he and Hoss thought Joe was looking a bit done in, and decided to play it off like they were just staying over for a little celebration now that the cattle had been delivered.  Ben had appreciated the way his two oldest boys were watching out for the youngest.   However, he wasn’t happy that it meant that instead of the normal five week cattle-drive, it was now pushed back, making their return home right at six weeks.  He would just have to be patient a little while longer.  Ben grinned in spite of himself.  He anxiously awaited his three boys, even though they would bring with them the typical noise, confusion, and rowdiness.

Just a week later, Hop Sing had half the pantry emptied as he worked on a grand return home dinner.  Ben had received a telegraph from Adam with the day and approximate time they would be arriving back to the ranch.  He couldn’t count how many times he had gone to the front door and peered out.  Ben lit the porch lamp just before dark.  He frowned as he turned back into the living room, as he had expected the boys that afternoon.  Feeling quite foolish to be so anxious when he knew that his sons would be home just as soon as they had settled all of their last minute responsibilities, like paying the drovers, Ben poured his coffee and settled back in his chair.

“Hey!  Where’s the welcoming committee?”  Hoss sang out as he cleared the front door first.

Ben smiled broadly and hurried over to greet his middle boy.  “Good to see you, Son!” he said, and clapped him on the back.

“Great to be home, Pa.  Hey I hope that’s grub I smell — I’m about half starved!”

Ben laughed heartily.  He expected nothing less from Hoss than for him to announce he was hungry.  “Yes, Hop Sing has a big spread just about ready for you boys!”

As Hoss crossed the living room and pulled an apple up from the bowl on the coffee table, Adam appeared next coming into the house.

“Pa! Good to see you!” He smiled and put his arm around his father’s shoulder and patted his back.  “How have you been?  Did you get bored without us?”

Ben shook his head, trying his best not to reveal how much he had thoroughly missed all of his sons.  It hadn’t worked, as his eldest read his father’s face and felt his arm going around his shoulder.  “I’m fine, Son.  Glad to have you boys back though.  It was perhaps too quiet.”

Adam walked over towards the coffee table and joined his brother Hoss.  He watched as his father stared out the front door.  Adam tried his best not to laugh as he could tell that Ben was looking for the missing son.  Adam nudged Hoss and they tried to hide their amusement.

“I think I’m missing one of you,” Ben muttered as he turned back towards his two oldest sons.

With Ben’s attention directed at both Adam and Hoss, Joe had been able to come in through the kitchen door and quietly stood behind his father.  Pa must have sensed something because without turning around he said, “I know Joseph is not trying to sneak up on his old man.”

Joe’s laughter filled the room and Ben turned around to see his youngest.  “I almost got him,” Joe called over to his two brothers.

Ben wrapped his arm around his youngest son’s shoulder and pulled him close.  “You’ll never get one over on your pa, I knew what you boys were up to.  Now — how’s that arm?”

“I told you so,” Adam sighed.  Hoss pulled out a silver dollar and handed it to his brother.  “You was right, Adam.”

“Right about what?” Ben asked, after watching the exchange.

“Adam bet me you’d ask Joe about his arm before he had been in the room one minute.  I thought it would be at least three!”  Hoss laughed.

“Very funny,” Ben announced and turned back towards Joe.  “Well?”

Joe settled down onto the settee, enjoying the softness of the seat cushions after such a long cattle drive.  He eased his left arm out of his sling.  Slowly tightening his normally dominant hand into a fist and then stretching it back open, Joe reached for his father’s hand.  Ben took his son’s hand and felt the boy trying his best to squeeze hard.  However, Joe’s attempt hadn’t achieved the strength he was trying to convey with his gesture.

“Not too bad,” Ben paused, trying to sound positive in his assessment.  “You still have a way to go until you can arm wrestle, Joseph — but you’re getting there.  How’s the pain been?”

Joe sighed, not eager to get into the topic right away.   He had hoped to hear more about what had gone on at the ranch.  In fact, Joe would’ve settled for practically any other subject, instead of listening to his father’s questions about his injury.  Joe placated his pa because he had let him go on the drive, even though he thought it was a stupid thing to do.  “ It’s not too bad, Pa.  The only pain I’ve got right now is in my stomach!  You know I’ve had to eat Adam’s cooking for more than a month and I’m ready for REAL food now.  So don’t complain over me not gaining any weight this trip,” he quipped.

“Don’t start with me, Little Brother,” Adam warned, “or I might have to tell on you for some of the things you did on the trip!”

“Oh?  Did Joe do something he wasn’t supposed to do?” Ben asked, raising his eyebrows in gesture, playing right along with the antics of his sons.

“Now you’ve done it!”  Joe exclaimed and tossed a pillow towards his oldest brother.

Adam had ducked out of the way and Hoss had gotten hit by the pillow square in the face.  Then Joe ended up laughing which made Hoss mad and he tossed his apple core at his little brother.  Soon the living room was noisy and messy.  Ben took his seat in the red leather chair and just smiled.  It felt good to have things somewhat back to normal.

After the rough housing finally subsided, the four men were called to the dinner table.  Ben had said the blessing and then watched as his sons dove into the good home cooking which Hop Sing had provided.  The conversation was lively with each son telling their father what they had seen and done during the previous six weeks.  Ben asked questions here and there and enjoyed hearing of all of the boy’s escapades.  He commended Adam on getting top dollar for the cattle and praised Hoss for his ability to keep the drovers working hard.  And, having been told by both older brothers how hard Joseph had worked, albeit one handed, he praised the boy for all of his efforts.  When all his sons were quite full and also very talked out, the four Cartwrights moved back into the living room.  Ben used the time sitting around the fireplace to tell his sons what all he had done during their absence and they had listened intently.

“Hey, Pa,” Joe called, as he moved to the credenza and reached for his holster.  “I wanted to show you something.”

Ben directed his attention towards his youngest and watched as Joe buckled the gun belt he had been given prior to leaving.  Soon the boy was pulling his Colt out and twirling it using his right index finger.

“I certainly hope that’s not loaded!” Ben called over to him.

Joe laughed and very skillfully spun the pistol one final time.  He then settled the Colt back into the holster.  “C’mon, Pa, it’s not loaded!   I wouldn’t do anything THAT stupid.  So, what do you think?  Pretty good, huh?”

“Yes, Joseph,” Ben replied.  He didn’t want to say anything to discourage his son.  He was happy to see the boy in very good spirits.  “But — I’d be more impressed if you’d work on that left arm of yours.  I’ve always admired how you could spin that pistol left handed.”

“That’s what we’ve been telling him,” Adam chimed in.

Joe frowned and removed his holster.  “None of you realize how hard it is to spin that Colt using my right hand!  I’d like to see one of you try using your left hand and twirling yours!”

“We ain’t knocking what you’ve been able to do with that right hand, Little Brother,” Hoss called over to him.  “It’s just that you need to try harder with your left hand to get it working right.”

Joe walked back to the settee and sat down.  They could tell that he was discouraged.  Ben decided it would be best to speak to his son about his arm later when they could be alone.  Trying to lighten the boy’s mood he reached over and touched Joe’s arm.

“I’ve got some news for you, Joseph,” He smiled.

Joe looked up and watched as Pa drew out a piece of paper from his vest pocket.  He handed it to his son.

“Doc got this from Cassie yesterday.  The word was out about you three boys being due back today,” Ben explained.

Joe quickly unfolded the note and read it.  He grinned as he looked over at his father.  “She wants to see me!  Cassie asked me to go meet her at Miller’s Pond on Saturday around noon, Pa.”

Hoss and Adam watched as their brother’s countenance changed.  He appeared more hopeful than he had been in a long while.

“That’s wonderful, Son,” Ben answered.

“I hope she’s better.  Have you seen her, Pa?” Joe asked.

Ben shook his head.  “No, I ran into Paul late yesterday and he gave me the note to give to you.  I’m just glad she’s reaching out to you, Son.”

Joe folded the letter and placed it inside his shirt pocket.  He then stood from the settee.  “I think I’ll turn in.  See you all in the morning.  Good night.”

All three men watched as Joe made his way up the stairs.   Each of them hoped that Joe would have good news about Cassie for both of their sakes.

“Well, he looks happy!” Hoss exclaimed.

Ben nodded and then turned his attention to Adam.  “You mentioned that your brother had some nightmares out on the trail?” he asked.

Adam read the concern on his father’s face, but that didn’t surprise him.  It seemed like Pa would always worry about the youngest son who often found himself in some kind of problem or bad situation.  He leaned back and frowned.  “It didn’t happen too much, Pa.  It was mainly when Joe would try to talk to one of us about Cassie.”

“So, the nightmares were about what happened to her?”

Adam shook his head and sighed, “Well, I never got him to open up about all the particulars when he’d have a nightmare wake him — and us —up late at night.  But, what I’d hear him shout out wasn’t about Cassie.  From the name I heard Joe call, it was about what he had gone through.  He screamed out Cade’s name, Pa.  I think that what happened to his friend brought the past up, at least in Joe’s dreams.”

Ben stood and made his way over to the fireplace.  Folding his arms he stood in quiet consternation.  The past was beginning to rear its’ ugly head once more, and Pa worried about how he could help his son bury it again.  He knew that having witnessed Cassie’s pain that Joe had begun to relive his own ordeal through her.

Hoss and Adam exchanged worried glances, after noticing the silence which had fallen over the room.  They could see how troubled Pa appeared and knew his mind was on how he could best try to help their little brother.

“Hey!” Hoss sang out, attempting to shake his father out of his doldrums.  He moved next to his pa.  “We didn’t have our usual toast to a successful cattle drive.”

Ben shrugged out of his typical concern over his youngest son’s problems and fought to enjoy a few lighter moments with his other boys.  “I’ve got just what the doctor ordered,” Pa smiled, and patted Hoss’ shoulder.  He then turned towards his desk and the brandy decanter sitting just off to the side.  “You both did a wonderful job — and not just getting the cattle to market safely!  I’ll have a drink to you both!” Ben called, as he poured three glasses.  “To you both — job well done!”

Hoss and Adam joined around their father and enjoyed a few moments of badly needed levity.  They had gotten the herd delivered and top dollar received as well as keeping their little brother safe at the same time.  “To another successful cattle drive!   And, here’s to bringing all three of us back home to our overly- protective father!” Adam sang out, and touched his glass to the other two glasses to complete the toast.   The three men drank to the family being together and intact, though their thoughts were never far from the boy who had turned in for the evening.

 

Joe had gotten up earlier than was necessary on Saturday.  He wanted to stop by a field where he knew there would be wild flowers that he could pick to bring to Cassie.  He had been worried as to what state of mind he’d find her in.  After the last two meetings, Joe was unsure if he would see the depressed girl he had left on the bridge some two months ago.  Gathering a small handful of flowers, Joe headed over to Miller’s Pond.  The sun had reached its’ apex in the sky as he tied Cochise’s reins off on the end of the railing and made his way to the middle of the bridge.  He spied Cassie sitting at the exact same spot she’d been at months earlier when he had last seen her.  Joe slowly approached.

“Joe!” Cassie sang out with sudden unexpected exuberance.  The sight of his friend smiling over at him as he drew closer shocked the boy.

“Cassie?”  Joe called, and soon was standing face to face with her.

“I’m so glad you came!  Hey, are those for me?” She pointed to the flowers in his hand.

Joe laughed and handed the girl the flowers.  “Well, they sure aren’t for Hoss!  Besides he’s partial to daisies.”

Cassie took the flowers from Joe and moved to sit back down on the wooden floor of the bridge.  Joe did likewise, but kept a good distance just in case.  He remembered how she hadn’t wanted him to touch her hand or sit too close in the past.

“Thanks, Joe — they’re pretty,” she said as she smelled the bouquet of wildflowers.  “I see your arm is still in a sling.  What’s the doctor say about it?”

Joe rolled his eyes as he didn’t want to talk about himself.   Joe wanted to know how his friend was doing.  “I’ll be out of this thing soon.  Now, is it okay for me to ask how you are?”

“Joe, I’m sorry for the way I treated you,” Cassie apologized.  “But, the last time we were together I felt like my life was over.  I didn’t think that there was anything to live for, you know?”

Joe nodded, he knew that feeling very well himself.  “So — you’re doing better now?”

Cassie smiled broadly and her eyes lit up like Joe had never seen them shine before.  “Joe — I have meaning in my life now.  More meaning than I’ve ever had before!”

Joe was amazed at the change in his friend.  After what he had gone through, it had taken a lot longer to even get to the acceptance stage, let alone trying to find meaning in his life.  In fact, he still had days when he fought to find meaning.  “How — I mean — what — what happened to change how you were feeling, Cassie?  I’d like to know how you did it.  I mean it’s been about three months now, right?”

Cassie nodded and smiled again.  “Yes, just a little more than three months now.  Joe — the most wonderful thing has happened.  Joe — I’m going to have a baby!”

Joe felt as though he had been punched squarely in the face.  He couldn’t believe what his friend had just confessed.  He also couldn’t believe that she was so ecstatic about being pregnant.  “Cassie, Honey, please tell me it’s not true!” His voice cried out showing great shock.

Instead of being hurt by Joe’s outburst, she reached for his hand.  “Joe, it’s okay, really it is.  I mean, when I first found out I didn’t know how I felt, you know?  But, there’s a life inside of me, and it’s given me more hope than I’ve ever had, and more joy than I’ve ever known.”

“But — I mean — it’s from Slattery,” Joe whispered.

“It’s MINE, Joe.  Don’t think of it as belonging to that man.  It’s mine!  And,   it is growing inside of me.  I already love this baby so much!  Please be happy for me, Joe.  I need you now!  I need you more than I’ve ever needed you before!  You’ve always been my best friend.  You know how I’ve missed not having siblings or even cousins.  You know how much I have always loved children.  That’s the main reason I was going to become a teacher, you know?”

“Cassie — but your father — what’s he got to say about all of this?”  Joe’s thoughts took him back to Frank Brendon and how he had hurt his daughter in the past.

“Pa will never change, Joe.  I told you that he blamed me for being attacked.  And once Doctor Martin confirmed that I was going to have a baby, Pa insisted I go away to San Francisco.  He wanted to send me to a home for women who get pregnant out of wedlock.  Pa expects me to give this baby up.  I told him it’s MY baby and I’m keeping it!” Cassie replied full of determination.

“But — well — what are you going to do?  If your father feels that way then how are you gonna raise the baby?”

Cassie threw her arm around Joe’s good shoulder.  She stared into his eyes and answered, “Joe, that’s why I wanted you to meet me here.  Now, I don’t want you to answer this proposal right away, okay?  Just think about it.  I was hoping that you’d agree to be a father to this baby.  And —and well — I was hoping that you and I could get married.”

Joe’s mouth fell open as he sat there stunned by what his friend had proffered.  Trying to regroup, and to reply as delicately as he could manage, he responded, “Cassie, you know I love you, but it’s a best friend’s love —just like you have for me.  It’s not the kind of love that someone has when they get hitched.  And the baby — Cassie — even if you want to think of it as totally yours —and mind you I don’t blame you — but I did kill that baby’s natural father.”

“This child will never know about Slattery, I’ll make sure of it.  Listen, Joe, I know this is a lot for you to take in.  I’m sorry to put you on the spot like this.  But, I’ve always heard that the best marriages start out as friendship.  And, even if we never have that deep down type of love for each other— well — there IS love.  Isn’t that what counts?  Joe, I know your heart — I know you’d love this baby because it’s a part of me.  Besides, don’t you think —- after what you went through a year ago, and what I just went through, that maybe this is an answer for us both?  I mean if we turn those two horrible events into something positive — like having a baby to raise —then maybe all of our suffering wouldn’t have been in vain?  Wouldn’t you like to feel alive again?   I know you’ve felt kind of lost, and so have I.   A baby might be just the thing to make both of us feel happy again!”

Joe pulled himself to standing and reached down to grab Cassie’s hand.  “Cassie, you’ve kind of thrown me for a loop.  To be honest with you I’m going to need some time just to think on all that you’ve laid out here.  I mean until a little while ago I didn’t even know there was a baby.  You’ve thought this through already, but I’m new to all of this.  Let me walk you back to your surrey,” He replied, pulling his friend to standing.

Cassie threw her arm around Joe’s waist and they walked down to the south end of the bridge.  He helped her up into her surrey.  Joe’s face still held the appearance of total confusion and shock on it from all that Cassie had conveyed to him.

“Just promise me you’ll think on it, Joe?” She asked, still smiling.

Joe nodded and reached over and kissed Cassie lightly on the cheek.  He was happy that she no longer reeled back away from him.  It did appear as though the girl was genuinely happy about the baby and what the future would hold.  Joe, however, had absolutely no idea how he was going to handle her proposal.  He also wondered how in the heck he would broach the subject with his father!

“I will, Cassie, I promise.  Now you be careful!  I’m glad to see you’re not riding your horse.”

Cassie grinned, “You’re acting awfully protective for someone who looks like they’ve been kicked in the head!  It’s going to be all right, Joe.  Just think about everything that I’ve said.  I know we could give this baby more love than any baby has ever known.  And, like I told you, maybe this will bring us both some closure and something to look forward to?”

“You take care of yourself and I’ll drop by and see you in a few days.  We’ll talk more then,” Joe nodded.

Cassie waved goodbye to her friend and sent her surrey back towards town.  Joe walked back up to the northern end of the bridge in stunned silence.  He felt like he needed a bottle of whiskey to soothe his nerves.  And he dreaded the notion of talking to his pa about what he was just now starting to consider.   Joe knew his father well.  There wasn’t the faintest chance that he would be on board with his son becoming a husband and father to someone who was only a close friend.  Joe mounted Cochise and took his time heading back to the ranch house.

 

Joe’s father and brothers were very confused over the fact that he had said very little upon coming back home late that afternoon.  When asked about how his talk with Cassie had gone, Joe was very vague.  He simply mentioned that the girl seemed to be in good spirits.  On top of Joe’s stranger than normal behavior, he had passed on supper giving the excuse he was just tired from the long cattle drive and wanted to catch up on his sleep.  When Pa had tried to speak with him up in his room later, Joe had offered to go into more detail about how his talk with Cassie had gone on the following day.  He still insisted everything was fine and that he just needed sleep.  Pa could read his son very well, having honed that ability over the years.  He knew Joe was hiding something, but decided not to press the boy on it just yet.

The loud shouts shook Joe’s father and brothers from a sound sleep that night.  Ben was the first one into the hallway and turned to see his older boys heading towards Joe’s room just a moment later.

“Let me handle this,” Pa called out to both Adam and Hoss.  He waited until his sons moved back to their rooms and then headed into Joe’s bedroom.

“Joseph?”  Ben whispered as he approached the boy’s bed.  Joe was still tossing and turning and crying out in his sleep.  Then the shouting began again, louder than before.  Sitting down on the side of the bed, Pa shook his son’s right shoulder, still avoiding Joe’s injury.  “Come on, Son, it’s just a dream,” he called to the boy once more.

Joe suddenly sprang up in his bed gasping for air.  He hadn’t even noticed his father sitting next to him as he shouted out one last time.

“Joseph — it’s alright, you’re just having a nightmare.”

Waking in a cold sweat, Joe looked over at his pa.  Confusion painted his face.  “Pa?” He whispered as his eyesight cleared.

“Just a dream, Son,” Ben nodded over at him.  He poured a glass of water from the pitcher on the night stand.  “Here,” he said handing Joe the glass.

Joe took a few sips, hoping to clear up his head.  He handed it back to his father and said, “Sorry I woke you, Pa.  Go on back to bed.  I’m okay.  It wasn’t anything.”

“For not being “anything” it was loud, Joe.  Tell me about it.”

Joe eased his legs off to the side of the bed and fought with the memories from his nightmare.  “I don’t remember, Pa,” he lied.

Ben frowned, knowing a lie when he heard one, especially from his youngest.  “Adam told me you had several of these when you were on the cattle drive.”

“Adam has a big mouth,” Joe remarked, frowning.

“He wouldn’t have mentioned it if he didn’t care, Joseph.  Now, this dream — it wasn’t about Cassie, was it?”

Joe simply shook his head “no”.

“I didn’t think so — I heard the name you shouted out.  It happened to be the same name that Adam recalled hearing.  You know, don’t you?”

“Pa — I don’t want to talk about it.  It was just a stupid nightmare,” Joe insisted.

“I think there’s a connection, maybe one you’ve not been able to come to terms with — but a connection nonetheless.  You haven’t had these kinds of dreams since early this year —remember?  Last one I recall was right after Luke came into our lives.  Now, don’t you think all this might have something to do with what happened to Cassie?” Pa asked quietly.

Joe reached for his robe and pulled it over his shoulders.  He had removed his sling and his arm was starting to throb again.  The last thing he needed was for his father to mention his injury along with the nightmares!  Joe moved off of the bed and over to the window.  “I don’t get the connection, Pa.  And, it’s too late to have a long discussion over a stupid dream anyway.”

“You called out Cade’s name, Joseph,” Ben called over to his son.

“Okay, so I called out that bastard’s name — so what!” Joe replied angrily.  He was getting upset by his father trying to analyze his nightmares.  Joe needed all that he had experienced in his dreams to remain hidden.  He felt there was no reason why his father or anyone else needed to know all of the frightening details that were now coming out in his nightmares.

Ben approached his son and put his hand on the boy’s shoulder.  “Joseph you told me weeks ago that you saw yourself in Cassie and what she’s been going through.  I think that’s why you’re having these dreams again.”

“Cassie is fine — now can we drop this, Pa?  Go back to bed and I’ll try and keep it down in here.”

“You never told me what happened when you saw Cassie today.”

“Pa — I told you when I got in that I’d talk to you about it tomorrow!”

Pa shook his head and pointed out the window.  “It IS tomorrow now, Joseph, albeit very EARLY tomorrow, but tomorrow nonetheless.”

Joe sighed and stared up at Pa.   There was just no stopping his father from getting under his skin at times!  “Okay, Pa — I’ll tell you all about it later TODAY or TOMORROW or whatever it is — if you’ll please go back to bed and quit worrying about me,” Joe surrendered.

“Try to get some sleep, Joseph,” Ben nodded and turned for the door.  He paused before leaving the room and called back to him, “and you know I’ll ALWAYS worry about you!  We’ll talk when you get up.”

Joe sat down in the chair next to the window.   He refused to go back to his bed, afraid of having another nightmare and waking his father up again.  Pa just knew him far too well.  Only his father could decipher the cause for the return of the kinds of nightmares he hadn’t experienced in many months.  Cassie’s plight had reawakened the images of ghosts from Joe’s past; those two evil brothers, Cade, Joe’s attacker and Luke his blackmailing brother.  It was all connected, just as Pa had surmised.  And for the life of him, Joe had no idea how to make them go away now.  He was beginning to wonder that if he tried to make a life with Cassie if it would purge them once and for all, or perhaps make the nightmares show up more often.  Joe felt like his problems were only more compounded now, due to old memories, a shoulder wound and a pregnant friend who had just proposed marriage to him.

 

Ben stood in front of the fireplace in the living room, his arms crossed and a scowl on his face.  He was not amused that his youngest son had basically hid from him all day.  Whenever he had caught up with the boy he had made some excuse why he didn’t have time to talk, like Joe had promised to do earlier that morning.  Finally, right after supper was over, Ben had asked Adam and Hoss to give him some privacy and Joe had been summoned to come down from his room.  Joe couldn’t get out of it this time.   Pa wasn’t happy and that meant no-one in the house would get a moment’s peace until he was appeased.

“Well?” Ben repeated for the third time.  He stared over at Joe, who sat in silence over on the sofa.

Joe looked apprehensively over at his pa and sighed.  “Okay, Pa, but I’m telling you right now —- you won’t like this!”

“Just tell me, Joseph — thus far I don’t like it — because I’ve been after you all day about this!” Ben’s replied, getting very agitated.

“Cassie is going to have a baby,” Joe finally spilled out.

Ben’s shocked expression mirrored Joe’s from the previous day when he had heard that the girl was expecting.  “How is she taking this, Son?” Pa’s voice turned softer and came off with deep sympathy for the girl.

Joe shrugged his shoulder and stood up in front of the coffee table.  “She’s happy about it, Pa.  She’s always loved kids, and she considers this a blessing in disguise.”

Ben shook his head, bewildered over what Joe had revealed.  “Alright, though I’m very sorry about the whole situation — but if she’s happy then why did you say I wouldn’t like this?  It’s really not my affair — or yours for that matter!”

“That’s not exactly true,” Joe tried to get at the heart of the problem.

“How’s that?  What’s not true?”

“It is my affair, Pa.  You see — well— Cassie thinks — well she thinks it would be a good idea if she and I got married and raised the child as our own,” Joe replied cautiously, knowing what was coming next.

“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard!” Ben raised his voice, and moved closer to Joe.

“Pa — she doesn’t have anyone else.  You know her pa!  She’s all alone other than one aunt who lives back east.  Her father wants her to go have it somewhere else and give it up.  She wants this baby — and she thinks it would be good for both of us to raise it together.”

“You don’t love her, Joseph!”  Ben returned, getting more irritated at the thought of it all.  He also wasn’t happy with Cassie for putting Joe on the spot over what he felt was her decision and shouldn’t involve his son.

“I love her as a friend, Pa!”

“Joseph — that’s not the same as being in love!  And, are you forgetting you killed that child’s natural father?”

Joe shrugged his shoulder again and returned, “Cassie said she’d make sure the baby never found that out.”

“I want you to go see her tomorrow and tell her that you have NO intention of marrying her.  Just put an end to this RIGHT NOW!” Pa insisted, raising his voice.

Joe shook his head, growing more angered by the way his father was ordering him what to do.  “Pa it’s not YOUR decision!” He argued, a bit louder than he should have.

“You watch your tone with me, Young Man!” Ben warned.

“You’re yelling at me too!” Joe shouted.

Pa moved closer to his son and pointed at him, “I said you are NOT going to marry her and you are NOT raising that child!”

Joe turned away angrily and walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him.  Ben sank down into his chair, upset by all that had transpired.  He dropped his head down into his hands, worried that Joe would do something foolish; like marrying Cassie just to prove a point.

Adam and Hoss had been waiting out on the front porch and due to the raised voices they had heard the whole conversation.  As Joe shot past them heading towards the barn, both brothers headed out after him.

“Joe, wait up!”  Adam called over to his brother.  He could see Joe was trying his best to get his saddle onto Cochise.  He was having a lot of trouble as his left arm still wasn’t working as it should.

“I’m going away for a little while.  There’s just no talking to Pa!” Joe said angrily, still fighting to get the cinch pulled through his saddle.

Hoss moved over next to his little brother and pulled the saddle away from the boy.  “You settle down, Youngin!”

“He’s right, Joe.  You’re not acting very adult for someone who’s thinking of getting married,” Adam remarked.

Joe turned around with fire in his eyes, mad over what his older brother had said, and also angered with Hoss for taking away his saddle.  “Thanks a lot both of you!  Now you sound like Pa!”

“Joe— don’t you understand why Pa got so upset?  You know he loves you —- though sometimes I don’t know why!” Adam fought to get his point across.  “And you KNOW you were wrong for shouting at him.  Pa deserves better from you and I think you need to go apologize.  You can’t be mad at our father for worrying about you.”

Joe stopped his tirade and grew quiet.  It was only then that he realized why Pa had gotten so angry.  He also had to agree with Adam this time.  Pa did deserve better.  Joe felt bad knowing he had let his temper get the best of him.

“Just go tell him, Little Brother,” Hoss whispered, “you’ll both feel better.”

Joe looked from one brother to the other.  He could tell they just wanted what was best for him too.  He knew what he had to do.  “I won’t need that saddle, Hoss,” Joe nodded over to them both and headed back into the ranch house.

Pa was still sitting in his red leather chair in front of the fireplace when his youngest son walked back inside the house.  Joe dropped his head down as he apprehensively moved towards the sofa.

“Pa?” he called over quietly.

Ben stood to face the boy standing a few feet from him.  He didn’t respond verbally, but waited to hear from his son.

“Pa — I had no right to go off on you.  You didn’t deserve the disrespect I showed.  I – I’m sorry — I was wrong — I never should have raised my voice to you,” Joe tried his best to apologize for his actions.  His eyes reflected his sadness.

Ben slowly made his way over to his son and stood there next to him.  He looked down at the boy and said, “Okay, Joseph, but no more using that tone with me.  Remember that I’m just looking out for you.  That’s my job as your father.”

Joe nodded and responded quietly, “Yes, Sir.”

“Now, can we sit down and maybe talk about this without either of us losing our tempers?”

Joe looked back up at his father and noticed he had a slight smile on his face.  It was the sign he had hoped for, because it meant that he had been forgiven.  He took a seat next to his pa on the coffee table.  Ben draped his arm over Joe’s right shoulder.

“Okay, now tell me about it.  I’ll withhold my opinions until you’re done,” Ben agreed.

“Well, her pa wants her to get rid of the baby, and she’s adamant that she’s going to keep it.  Cassie thinks that if we raise this child together that it will help us both.  She said it would somehow make some sense out of what she’s gone through and also what I’ve gone through.  She knows we love each other — though we’re just best friends she thinks it will work.”

Ben drew in a deep breath and looked directly at his son.  “Joseph it takes a different type of love to make a marriage.  And, marriage is hard enough even if you’re both deeply in love with each other.  I just don’t think she should ask you to make this sacrifice.”

Joe looked back down at the floor and replied, “Pa, who’s to say I’ll ever find that kind of love?  After what I went through with Cade I’m just not sure I’ll find someone who will understand all that.  It’s different with Cassie, she knows about all I’ve gone through and loves me in spite of all of that.  She has always been there for me.  You know that day when I ran off after I found out that Luke had spread all of those lies about me?”

Ben simply nodded, he remembered that Joe had run off and all the other Cartwrights had gone looking for him.  They were unaware that Joe had turned to Cassie for emotional support during that time.

“I know you were trying to help me, Pa — and Adam and Hoss were too.  But, well, I needed to hear from someone my own age — someone I felt safe around.  That day I was just so close to giving up — I don’t know if I would’ve taken my life or not.  I owe her a lot, Pa!”

“Joseph, you feel gratitude for Cassie —and that’s a good thing.  But, that’s not a reason to sacrifice the rest of your life.  I understand that in some ways you’re still unsure of yourself because of what you’ve gone through.  But, that won’t always be so.  We all carry scars, Joseph.  But, that isn’t what defines us.   And, I do believe there is someone out there for you, Son.  Over the years I’ve always prayed that all of you boys would find someone to love and that you’d fall head over heels, get married and maybe give me some grandchildren.  You’d be giving all of that away, Son.”

“Pa — you told me that my Ma loved Hoss and Adam even though they weren’t hers.  Maybe I could love this child even though it’s not mine?” Joe asserted.

Ben shook his head as he forced his son’s gaze and said, “Joe, your mother and I were very deeply in love.  That’s why she loved Adam and Hoss.  What you’re talking about is a marriage based only on friendship and gratitude.  That’s just not the right foundation for a marriage to be based on.  It doesn’t have the right roots in which to grow.”

Joe dropped his head down into his hands, feeling emotionally spent.  The movement had hurt his injured arm, but he didn’t care.  If it meant that he had shown weakness it didn’t matter now.

Pa could read the pain very evident on his son’s face.  He knew Joseph was struggling with all that had happened in his past and also what was going on between him and Cassie.  He pulled the boy closer and whispered, “You haven’t told Cassie that you’re going through with this yet.   Have you?”

“No, Sir.  I told her I needed some time.  I said I’d go see her in a few days.”

“Okay, Joseph.  Just don’t do anything rash, promise me?” He asked.

Joe nodded, “I won’t do anything without letting you know first.”

“I’d like you to go speak to Reverend Hastings.  Just run all of this by him.  Get his opinion and then talk to one more.’

Joe stared up into his pa’s compassionate eyes.  He didn’t understand Pa’s comment and Ben read it on Joe’s face.  He smiled and replied, “Talk with God, Son.  After you’ve done both come and talk it over with me, Okay?”

“I will, Pa.  I’ve no idea what I should do.   I’m torn between my friendship and my worry over Cassie.”

Ben sighed, “No wonder you can’t sleep!  How about trying to get some rest now, Joe?  Hopefully now that we’ve talked you won’t have another nightmare.”

Joe reached over and gave his father a brief hug.  He felt Pa’s arms go around him as he hugged him back.  Though it had been a rough evening, at least he was now content that Pa had forgiven him for his outbursts and the secrets he had kept.  “Good night, Pa,” Joe called as he pulled himself off of the coffee table.

“Good night, Joseph,” Ben called to the boy as he walked up to his room.

 

Doctor Martin was greeted by Ben as he led him into the ranch house.  He wasn’t surprised by the visit as he had seen Paul in Virginia City the day before and the doctor had mentioned wanting to take a look at Joe’s injured arm.  Ben knew Joseph wouldn’t be too thrilled to have another examination, as the boy had postponed going into Paul’s office ever since he had gotten back from the cattle drive.

“I didn’t see Joe when I pulled up.  He is here, right?” Doc asked as he took a seat on the settee.

“I sent Hoss to bring him in.  The boys have been working on some fence repairs,” Ben replied as he set a cup of coffee in front of his friend.

“How’s his arm?  Is he still using that sling?”

Ben nodded and sat back down in his chair.  “He’s not taken it off.  I had hoped he’d be doing better by now.  But, he’s had his mind on other things the last few days.”

Paul stared at Ben and sighed.  “I know about Joe and Cassie, Ben.  She came in for a check- up and let the cat out of the bag.  What do you think about her idea concerning a father for that baby?  Or do I need to ask?”

Ben sighed and shook his head.  He was still upset about the position the girl was putting Joe in.  It had been two days since he had spoken to his son about Cassie’s suggestion that they get married.  Joe had yet to speak to the girl, but Ben suspected he would be going into town soon to discuss things with her.

“I think it’s the worst possible thing for Joseph.  And, I’m not happy that she’s putting him in this position.  Joseph has enough problems right now.  His arm is still giving him trouble and he’s been having nightmares.”

Paul sat back and listened to the worried father.  Doc hoped that by letting him voice his concerns that it might help his friend.  Paul could tell that he was very troubled.  Paul knew Ben Cartwright well, their friendship going back long before Joe was born.  The man was always very protective of his sons, and most of the time it was his youngest who was his greatest cause for concern.

“If Cassie’s father was more like you, Ben, maybe she wouldn’t be putting Joe in the middle of this.  But, well, we both know that man!  I remember after that trial, he had told Joe how sorry he was for having listened to all of the gossip about him.  But, it was only a few weeks later that Brendon was running Joe off of his property.  I was making my rounds in town when I heard what he said to the kid.  There’s just no figuring out Frank!  And, ever since he learned about the baby he’s been behaving even worse.  I understand why Cassie is pressuring your son into marrying her!”

Before Ben could reply, he heard the front door open and watched as Joe walked into the room.

“Hi, Doc — how’re you doing?”  Joe called across the room.

Paul stood and smiled over at his patient and replied, “I’m fine, thanks.  But, I’ve come to see how YOU are!  Come over here, Young Man.”

Joe moved towards the fireplace and settled down on the coffee table opposite Paul.  “You two been talking about me again?” He asked, shooting a knowing grin towards his father.

“You think you’re all I have to talk about?” Paul returned gruffly, trying not to show Joe that his assumption had been a correct one.

“Tell, him, Doc!  Joe thinks he’s the center of our attention all of the time,” Ben laughed, trying to hide his concern.

“Get out of that sling, Joe.  Let me check your shoulder.”

Joe did as he had been instructed.  He pulled off the sling and tossed it onto the sofa.  Then he unbuttoned his shirt, knowing the doctor would want to check the area around his injury.  Paul felt around the area of the bullet wound. He motioned for the boy to try to rotate his arm.  He then examined his patient, much as he had on the last visit.  Joe acquiesced, going through all the motions as he had been instructed.  When Doc was finally done, he motioned that Joe could button his shirt.

“Well?” Ben asked.

Paul reached over for the sling and said, “I want you to keep wearing this, at least for now, Joe.  But, every night I want you to get into a hot bath with Epsom salt in it.  Let’s try soaking that shoulder to see if it helps you loosen up some.  You should have better range of motion by now, but some wounds just take a little longer to heal.”

Joe stared intently over at his father.  Ben nodded towards his son.  He hadn’t missed what Doc had said.   He remembered saying those very words to Joseph a year ago.  Pa had told him that “some wounds just took longer to heal” back when the boy had struggled to get over what Cade had done to him.  Ben hoped that what had been repeated by Doc wouldn’t cause Joe more nightmares.

Paul noticed the sudden uneasiness falling over the room and wondered what he had said to have caused both Cartwrights to change their facial expressions.  Clearing his throat to force the attention back to his examination he called over to his patient.  “Try squeezing my hand, Joe.  Give me your very best this time!”

Shaking himself to release his pent up memories, Joe again did as he’d been instructed.   His grip was still very weak.  Frowning, Doc shook his head.  “How bad did that hurt, Joe?”

“Just smarts — up at my shoulder,” He replied quietly.

Doc stood from the sofa and patted Joe’s shoulder.  “Just keep trying, Joe.  And let me know how those baths do, okay?  Oh, and don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’ve not gained an ounce in all of the time that you were gone! ”

Joe sighed and stood up from the coffee table.  He had been waiting on the doctor to mention his weight situation.  “Hey, that’s Adam’s fault!  I think even Hoss lost weight due to his cooking on the cattle drive.”  Joe paused as his alibi fell on deaf ears.  “I’ll try soaking my arm, Doc.   Thanks for coming by.  Well, I’ve got to get back to work.   I’ll see you both later,” Joe said, not wasting any time leaving the room.  He felt like he needed some fresh air.

“That boy doesn’t need any more worries, Ben.  I hope Cassie comes to her senses soon.  Now, as for Joe, I’m not really sure why he’s not recovering as fast as he should this time.   But, it’s not helping him to be brought into this baby situation.  That boy needs time to recover from all he’s been through.  I don’t like seeing all of the stress on his face.  I’m sure his past is causing those nightmares, Ben.”

Ben stood as Paul gathered his medical bag and headed towards the front door.  “I’m sure that’s it, Doc,” he nodded.  “I’ve been trying to talk some sense into him.  But, well — we both know that’s not the easiest thing in the world to do with Joseph!   As for the nightmares, I think Joe’s combining what he went through and what Cassie went through, and it’s playing out in his sleep.”

Paul nodded and shook his friends hand and replied, “Try not to worry, Ben.  Give it a little time.   Just make sure he soaks that arm every night!  At least that should help the arm situation.  As for as the other issues, — well, I’ll say a prayer for the kid.”

Ben thanked the doctor and walked him outside to his buggy.  He had hoped for better news about Joe’s arm.  He knew that his son’s thoughts were only on Cassie and her situation and not on healing his injury.   Growing frustrated, Ben vowed he’d do whatever he could in order to help his son resolve both problems.

 

Noon the very next day found Joe Cartwright tying his reins in front of Frank Brendon’s house.  He took a deep breath and hoped that it would be Cassie who would answer the door.  Joe opened the wooden gate and sauntered up to the porch.  He knocked on the door and stepped back, feeling very apprehensive.   A few hesitant moments later Cassie appeared.  She stepped out onto the porch and gave Joe a quick hug.

“How are you feeling, Cassie?”

“I’m fine, Joe.  I’m glad you stopped by.”

Joe smiled over at his friend and replied, “I was kinda hoping that you and I could take a walk?”

“Sure, let me run get my shawl.  I’ll be right back!”

Joe watched as Cassie disappeared inside of the house.  He was beginning to feel better about coming to town and maybe having a heart to heart talk with his friend.  The feeling of optimism faded fast when he spied Frank Brendon coming out of the screen door.

“Mister Brendon, I — I’m just here to take Cassie for a walk.”  Joe started to explain why he had come to the man’s house.  He knew he wasn’t welcomed there, at least not by Cassie’s father.

Frank Brendon neared the boy and stood within inches of his face.  “My daughter told me what the two of you are planning, Cartwright!  You’re a bigger fool than I thought you were.  You think I’d ever let you marry Cassie?”

“It’s not your decision,” Joe returned, squaring his shoulders, trying to show the other man he wasn’t about to back down to him.

“Neither of you are fit to get married!”  Brendon screamed at the top of his lungs.  “You are two broken people who shouldn’t marry anyone!  The both of you should just forget having a future together or apart.  Both of you have caused nothing but heartache and disgrace for your fathers!   You’re NOT marrying my daughter and you’re NOT going to be any part of that baby’s life.  I’m going to make her get rid of it as soon as it’s born!”

“Papa stop!”  Cassie shouted as she looked out through the door.  She had heard what her father had said.

Frank blocked his daughter from pushing the door open. “Stay in there, Young Lady!  I’ll get rid of this boy.”

“Let her out of there, Brendon,” Joe remarked, his voice controlled and deadly.

Frank turned away from Joe, giving the appearance he was going back inside.  But, instead, he swung back with his right fist out.

Joe struggled to get his left arm out of his sling.  He had just pulled it aside and tried to block the man’s throw.  Unable to properly defend himself due to his injury, Joe fell to the hard wooden floor of the porch.  He touched at his left eye which had borne the brunt of the man’s fist.  Joe wanted to get back up and try to fight the man off and cause him harm, but, he caught the sight of Cassie through the screen door.  He didn’t want to make things worse for the girl, so he simply stood back up.  Joe moved down the steps and then called up towards Frank Brendon.

“I’ll be back, Mister Brendon.  Cassie — don’t let him upset you.  I’ll see you soon!”  Joe headed back to his horse.  He felt like he had let Brendon get the better of him and it ate at his guts.  But, then there was Cassie to consider, along with the fact that without the use of his dominant left fist he didn’t stand much of a chance against the older and bigger man.  Joe mounted Cochise and rode out of town.

Pa heard the front door open and headed to see which son had made it back home.  Hoss and Adam were due back from the mill soon.   So he was very surprised to see that it was Joseph who appeared standing next to the credenza first.  Joe unstrapped his right handed holster, his back facing his father.

“Joseph?  You’re back sooner than I thought!  How did it go?”

Joe slowly turned around dreading how his pa would take seeing the black eye he was now sporting.

“Just fine, Pa,” he replied as he watched Pa’s mouth drop open.

Ben was quickly over to his son and his right hand reached up and touched Joe’s left cheek.  “What in the world happened to you?”

Joe sighed and moved away from his father.  He was physically and emotionally spent.  Joe made it to the settee and sat down feeling defeated.  “Brendon — that’s what happened to me, Pa.”

Ben headed for the kitchen and was back quickly with a cloth soaked with cool water.  He took a seat on the coffee table opposite his son and handed him the compress.

“Thanks,” Joe nodded to his father and pressed the cloth under his eye.

“Okay, tell me about it, Joseph,”

Joe shrugged and replied, “I thought I had things going my way when Cassie was the first one to the front door.   But when she went back inside to get a shawl Brendon came out.  He said some pretty bad things to me —and then hit me.”

“Like what?”  Ben frowned.   He wanted to personally take the man apart piece by piece for what he had done to his son.

Joe shook his head, recalling all that Cassie’s father had said to him.  “He told me he wasn’t going to let me marry Cassie.  He said that we were two broken people who shouldn’t marry each other or anyone else.  Brendon said we both had disgraced our fathers.”

Ben reached over and lifted his son’s chin, forcing his gaze on him.  “I hope you know that’s not true, Joseph.  You have never made me anything but proud!”

“Thanks, Pa,” Joe nodded towards him, touched by what his father had said to him.  He had to fight back his emotions as they were raw at the moment.

Adam and Hoss came into the house and could tell there was trouble brewing when they saw the look on their father’s face.

“What’s going on?” Adam called to his father as both brothers moved towards the fireplace.

“Joe!  What happened?”  Hoss exclaimed when he caught sight of his brother’s eye.

“Oh Mister Brendon — after saying some very disparaging words about me, he threw a punch at me,” Joe attempted to explain, shaking his head very upset that he had not seen the punch coming, and had failed in his attempt to block it.

“You’re in a sling and he takes a swing at you!  Brendon is going to have a fight on his hands now!”  Ben fumed at the idea that the much larger man had hit a boy whose hand was inside of a sling.

“I tried to block him,” Joe began, “but I had just got my hand out of this sling when he hit me.  He made me look like a fool when he sucker-punched me.”

Ben stood and moved towards the hearth, trying to fight the outrage he felt building up inside.  He wanted to ride into Virginia City and have it out with Brendon and show him what it felt like to be hit by someone with two good fists.  But, after noticing Joe sitting across the room looking so forlorn, he knew that his presence was needed far more there with his son.

Turning back towards his youngest, Ben called to him, “I think Brendon hit you to get back at me for knocking him down earlier this year, Joseph.”

Joe shot a questioning look up at his father and asked, “When did you do that, Pa?”

Easing back down onto the coffee table he smiled and replied, “The same day you went and took care of Luke Thrasher.  The three of us,” he paused and cast a glance over towards Joe’s brothers, “we were trying to figure out where you had run off to that day.  Well, I went to ask Cassie — she told me where you’d gone.  That’s when Brendon came out and said a few things about you, that I took issue with.  Then I really let him have it!  He was flat on the porch when I left.”

Joe shared a grin with his father and also his two brothers.  “Good!  I hope you gave him a shiner like he gave me today.  If I had been able to use my left hand — well, at least I would have gotten in a sucker-punch of my own instead of hitting the porch like I did.  I wish I could’ve blocked myself better.”

Ben thought on what his son had related about his injured arm and his inability to properly defend himself.  “Joseph, stand up.”

“Huh?”

“I said stand up,” Pa insisted and stood up first and pointed for his son to follow suit.

Joe stood opposite his father with confusion framing his face.

“Now show me how you tried to block that punch, Son,” Ben coaxed.

“Why?” Joe asked, feeling bad enough already and didn’t wish to make a fool of himself again.

“Just humor me,” he insisted.

Joe drew in a deep breath, but did as he had been told.  He eased his arm out of his sling.  Slowly and carefully Joe lifted his arm, as if blocking from a throw aimed at him again.

Ben noticed that Joe’s arm had only risen halfway up his chest.  “Was that as far as you got your arm up?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Joe answered sullenly.

“Okay,” Pa nodded and then turned as though he was going to walk away from his youngest.  Instead, however, he made a quick move back towards the boy, his fist aimed directly at Joe’s face.

In reflex and without giving thought to the fact that his father would never hit him, Joe raised his arm, blocking the feigned punch.  He had managed to lift his arm, bent at the elbow almost to his face.  Ben smiled broadly and both brothers shouted out.

“Way to go, Joe!” both Adam and Hoss called over to the boy.

Joe stood quite amazed to have raised his arm that high, as well as being very shocked that Pa had attempted to throw a punch his way.  Ben reached over and patted his son proudly on the back and smiled.

“You almost blocked that one, Joseph!  Not bad at all!”

Joe gave a wry smile, contented to hear the praise from his father.  He had surprised everyone in the room by his ability to raise his injured arm as high as he had.   And no-one was more surprised than Joe himself.  “What are you trying to do, Pa, heal me or scare me to death?” he quipped.

Ben laughed and then looked over towards Hoss.  “You want to throw one at your little brother, Hoss?”

“Sure thing, Pa!” Hoss played right along.  He could see what his father was trying to do by taking his brother’s mind off both what Mister Brendon had done, and also Joe’s worry over his bad arm.

“Wait a minute,” Joe turned towards Hoss and sang out, “I don’t want to have a black eye AND a split skull!”

Ben signaled to Adam, while Joe’s attention was on Hoss.  His son caught his father’s gaze.  He knew what to do next.

“Joe — think fast!” Adam sang out and sailed a throw pillow right at his youngest brother’s head.

Unprepared, Joe missed batting the pillow away from his face.  However he had managed to get his arm up part of the way, attempting to knock it down.

“Okay — cut it out!  I think I’ve had enough,” Joe insisted as he tossed the pillow back towards Adam with his right hand.

Ben dropped his hand down onto his youngest son’s shoulder and gave him a gentle squeeze.  “I think we’ve come up with a much better type of exercise program for your arm, Joseph!”

 

 

“Okay, Pa — but no more tonight, I think I’ve had my fill of things flying towards my face for one day,” Joe admitted, and headed for the staircase.  “I’m going to go soak my arm for a while.  You all gave me one heck of a workout!”

The three other Cartwrights watched as Joe started up the stairs.  They noticed he paused when he got to the first landing.

Joe turned around and called down to his family, “I’m going to tell Doctor Martin on all of you!” He said, pretending to be angry.  But, the façade was short lived as Joe broke into a smile.  He then continued up to his room.

“Well, what do you know — the kid CAN smile!” Adam announced to his father.

“Took his mind off of that fight with Brendon, didn’t we?” Pa grinned.

Hoss moved closer to his father and said, “yeah, well, tomorrow Brendon is gonna get five reasons why he shouldn’t attack someone with a bum arm!”  He held up his fist.

Ben nodded towards his son and reached up to pat his arm.  “I think that would be just fine, Son.  Knowing Joseph like we do he’s going to go back there tomorrow.  It’s best if he’s not alone next time.”

“Let me know if you’d like some company, Hoss,” Adam said and held up his fist as well.

“I’ll save some of him for you — and Pa too,” Hoss nodded over towards his brother and his father.

Ben’s worried gaze tracked up the stairs.  He hoped that Joe wouldn’t mind the fact that his family wasn’t going to sit out his next meeting with Frank Brendon.  But, even if the boy did object to their intrusion in the matter, he wasn’t going to have a choice this time.

 

Reverend Hastings sat in the small vestibule of his church rectory and listened intently on all that Joseph Cartwright conveyed.  He could see that the young man was troubled and also confused over what he should do with his life.  He had big decisions to make, and time was definitely a factor.  When Joe had finally gotten through explaining all of the details of the situation, the pastor thought for a few moments before responding.

“Joseph, I appreciate that you’ve sought out my advice, and I’ll gladly tell you my thoughts.  But, I think that deep down inside your heart you already know what you should do.”

Joe looked into the Reverend’s sympathetic eyes, still seeking an answer to his problems.  “I’m torn.  I really not sure, Reverend,” He confessed.  “I know what my pa thinks I should do.  I know what Cassie wants me to do.  I also know her father hates me and doesn’t want me to see her, let alone marry her.”

“Joe, do you think you could really love Cassie the way a husband should love a wife?”

Joe sighed and shook his head.  “I can try.”

“Well, in the Bible it says that a husband should love his wife just like Christ loved the church and gave HIS life for it.”

“Can anyone love another that much?” Joe responded earnestly.

The Reverend smiled and touched Joe’s arm and said, “I know it’s a tough example to follow.  But, I believe if you truly love someone enough to marry them you would give your life for them if you had to.  But, it’s much more than just that.  I know you, Joe.  Though you put on a pretty good act most of the time, I know that you’re the kind of person who would give their life even for just a friend.  But, we are speaking marriage here.  It’s not just a commitment that a man makes to a woman.   It’s also a vow that he makes to God.  It’s isn’t one to be taken lightly, or without some deep soul searching.”

 

“I’m worried about Cassie and I’m worried about that baby too.  If I don’t help her I don’t know what will happen to them.  I just don’t know what to do.”

“Joe, I can understand how you’re feeling, and why you’re trying so hard to help Cassie.  You’ve had a rough time of it this past year.  You’ve gone through so much!  That’s including what you had to deal with during that Luke Thrasher trial.  I know that opened up a lot of old wounds for you.  And, I know how you must be personally relating to all that Cassie just went through.  But this is something she has to figure out.  I understand she wants to have this baby and she thinks the two of you should get married and raise it.  I’m not too sure she’s considering the ramifications of all of this,” he paused and forced his gaze on the troubled young man.  He fought to find the right words.  “Okay, Joe, you’ve spoken to your father about this, and now you’ve spoken to me too.  Have you tried asking God what you should do?”  Reverend Hastings asked quietly.

Joe frowned and shook his head.  “No.  I guess that’s my next move,” he sighed.

“Seek HIS counsel, Joseph.  I’m sure you’ll find your answer,” he said standing up.

“Thanks for talking with me, Reverend,” Joe patted the pastor on the arm as he stood to leave.

“If I can help you or Cassie I’m here for you,” the pastor called to the boy as he left the rectory.

 

Joe untied Cochise’s reins from the hitching post outside of the pastor’s house and walked the horse down the street.  He had decided to go and try to visit Cassie again.  Joe hoped he wouldn’t be in for another fight with the girl’s father.  He turned when he heard his name called.  His brother Hoss appeared up on the sidewalk heading towards him.

“What’re you doing here?”  Joe asked, as his brother walked over and stood next to him.

Hoss smiled and dropped his arm down onto Joe’s shoulder.  “Oh, I just missed you so bad, Short Shanks!  I ain’t seen you since breakfast,” He laughed.

Joe frowned and glared up at Hoss and replied, “Sure you missed me!  Pa didn’t send you into town to watch over me, did he?”

“Little Brother, you sure are suspicious here lately.”

”Look, Hoss I’m going to see Cassie right now and I don’t need a body guard!”

Hoss nodded over at his little brother and said, “No, of course not — but you just might need a BROTHER!”

Fighting off a grin, Joe patted his brother’s shoulder and replied, “Okay, but I get first shot at Brendon.  Then, once he knocks me out you can have him!”

“Deal,” Hoss agreed, and walked with his brother down C Street heading towards Cassie’s house.

 

Joe, flanked by his big brother Hoss, walked up the steps to the porch and knocked on Cassie Brendon’s front door.  He stepped back, just in case a fist greeted him unexpectedly.  Cassie came out of the door and looked very worried.

“Joe — I’m so sorry about your eye!” she apologized, upon seeing the shiner her friend now sported.

“It’s okay, I’ve had worse.  You want to take that walk we didn’t get to take yesterday?”

Before she could respond, Frank Brendon stepped outside.  He looked at Joe and then spied Hoss standing right behind the boy.

“I’m NOT going to tell you again, Cartwright, you aren’t welcomed here.  Now you and your brother there leave!” He shouted.

“Let’s go, Cassie,” Joe stated, reaching for the girls arm.

Frank drew closer and was ready to send another punch towards Joe, when Hoss stepped forward and grabbed the man’s hand.  He squeezed it very hard and kept it in check.

“You want to fight someone, you can fight me.  I ain’t got a sling holding back either of my arms!” Hoss shouted, still not releasing Brendon’s hand.

“Get out of here both of you or I’ll call Sherriff Coffee!”

“Papa I’m just going for a walk with Joe,” Cassie tried to reason with her father.

Frank Brendon stepped back when Hoss finally released the hand that had hit his brother the previous day.  “You want to go with that trash?  Well, then you can just go permanently, Young Lady!”

Cassie looked at her father and broke down in tears.  She didn’t know what to do and couldn’t believe her father was telling her to leave her home.

“Cassie, go inside and pack some things.  Just take what you’ll need for a few days,” Joe sang out and motioned for Hoss to draw closer to keep Frank at bay.

“Take everything I don’t care!” Brendon yelled, as the girl disappeared inside the house.

Joe and his brother stood like sentries, keeping Mister Brendon from preventing the girl from getting her things together.  She finally appeared carrying her suitcase.  Cassie was crying when Joe reached over and freed her of her bag.

“I’ve got it, Cassie.  Come on, we’re going to get you a suite at the hotel.  We’ll come back later this week to get the rest of your things,” Joe reached for the girl’s arm and walked her down the steps carefully.

Hoss turned around and faced off with Frank Brendon.  He had hoped the man would’ve tried to hit his brother, because he wanted to flatten him.  But, since that hadn’t happened he simply called to him saying, “If you ever hurt my little brother again, I’ll tear you apart limb from limb.”

Joe and Hoss helped Cassie across the street and down to the International House Hotel.  They got her all settled into a nice suite, and made sure that she’d have everything that she would need.  Joe spoke with the desk clerk, and made sure that he had left enough money.  He made sure that Cassie would be taken care of, including funds for food and lodging.  After she had finally calmed down, and both Joe and his brother were convinced that the girl would be okay, the two Cartwrights left for home.  There was a lot they would have to discuss with their father now.

 

Hoss helped his younger brother explain all that had gone on with Cassie and why the young lady was now staying at the hotel in Virginia City.  Both Ben and Adam listened intently during the discussion at supper that night.  Joe had noticed the frown on his father’s face.  He could tell that Pa was none too pleased by the whole change in circumstances.

“I really was hoping he’d take a swipe at Joe, Pa, because I was ready to show him what we thought about him hitting Little Joe yesterday,” Hoss announced, setting his coffee cup down.

“Forget him, Hoss,” Joe responded quietly.

Ben stared at Joseph and couldn’t help noticing the boy was, once again, merely picking at the food on his plate.  He knew what his son was thinking.   Joe would now be even more likely to choose to save the girl from her situation.  He cleared his throat and called over to the boy, “Joseph, did you go talk to Reverend Hastings like I asked you to?”

Joe nodded but left it at that.  He didn’t feel up to a full explanation.  “I think I’ll turn in.  I’m tired.  Goodnight,” he said and tossed his napkin on the table and headed for the staircase.

The other three Cartwrights watched as Joe disappeared, as was typical lately.  Ben shook his head, with both worry and a bit of anger displayed on his face.  “This just keeps getting worse.  And, it’s not helping your brother.  He’s eating less and not taking care of that arm either!”

“Pa, there wasn’t anything he could do!” Hoss defended his brother’s actions that afternoon.  “Cassie didn’t have anywhere else to go.’

“Pa knows that, Hoss,” Adam jumped in on the conversation.  “He’s just worried that Joe now feels even more obligated to marry Cassie.”

“We can find another place for her to stay, Pa,” Hoss offered.

“It’s not that, Hoss,” Ben began, “I’m sure I can find a place for Cassie to live.  But Joe isn’t going to give up on this notion that the girl needs him to save her.  And now that her father has kicked her out, I’m afraid your little brother thinks fate has made up his mind for him.”

“Want me to talk to him?” Adam asked, trying to ease his father’s burden.

Ben set down his napkin and stood from the table.  “No, Son, I better go talk to him before this gets out of hand.  Excuse me.”

Adam and Hoss exchanged concern glances as they watched their father heading up to their brother’s room.  They never knew how well Joe would take getting a lecture from Pa, especially if he had already made his mind up about something.

Joe heard the knock on his bedroom door.  He had expected his father’s visit.  Opening the door, Joe stepped back and let Pa inside.

“Pa, I’m tired,” he announced, trying to avoid the confrontation.

“Joseph, what did Reverend Hastings say?” Ben asked, undeterred by his son’s objections to talking about the situation.

Joe frowned and sat down on the bottom of his bed.  “He told me to ask God.   But, before I had the chance Cassie got kicked out of her house.  I guess it’s a sign, huh?  Sometimes God talks, and sometimes he just makes things happen.”

Pa shook his head, upset by his son’s assumption.  “I doubt God made Frank Brendon kick his daughter out, Joseph.  Now, what are you thinking?  I could tell by the things that you DIDN’T say at supper that you’ve got your mind made up.”

Joe looked away from his father’s prying eyes.  “I’ll go talk to Cassie tomorrow, Pa.  I don’t feel like I have much of a choice.  She needs me now more than she did before!  I’ll go talk to her about when she wants to get married.”

“Did Reverend Hastings talk to you about the sanctity of marriage?”

Joe nodded and answered, “yeah, Pa.  But, I just can’t let her go through this alone.  You KNOW the people in Virginia City!  Look how they treated ME during that trial.  They’ll be just as bad with Cassie.  I can protect her from that.”

“Joseph, you are STILL rehashing what YOU went through and relating it to what she’s going through now!  They all know that Cassie was attacked and this child is the result.  There are people in town that will help her.  And, you know that I’ll help her too.  This isn’t the same kind of thing that you went through at all, Son.  No-one knew the true circumstances of what you had gone through!”

Joe cut his father off before he could continue.  He forced his gaze on his pa and said, “I HAVE to do this!  I’m not going to chance anybody hurting her.  She’s gone through enough already, Pa.”  Joe moved off of the bed and walked across the room.  He fought with himself over what he felt he had to do.  “Pa — we don’t have to live here after we get married.   I can fix up that old cabin down by Miller’s Pond.  It’s just sitting there and nobody’s using it.”

Ben joined his son over by the window.  He settled his hand down onto the boy’s shoulder and tried his best to get through to him.  “Joseph, I don’t want you to do this!  You and Cassie are only twenty years old and you’ve got your whole lives ahead of you!  You’re not in love and there’s a baby on the way. Getting married under these circumstances would be the worst thing you could possibly do,” Pa paused when he realized why Joe had made his last statement.  He knew what his son was thinking now.  Pa reached over and placed his hand under his son’s chin and forced Joe to make eye contact with him.  “However, Joseph, if you decide to go through with this — well — I’ve never turned my back on you before.  I won’t turn my back on you now.  But, before you start making plans about where you want to live, I’m just asking you to give it a lot more thought before you go and talk to Cassie tomorrow.  Will you please do that much for me, Son?”

Joe’s eyes misted up, touched by his father’s words.  He hadn’t been surprised that Pa had said what he had, but Joe had needed the reassurance just the same.  His father had always been unwavering in his love and support.  “Thanks, Pa.  I promise you that I’ll think on it before I go and see her,” he answered quietly.

“Goodnight, Joseph,” Ben said as his hand brushed aside his son’s spent tears from his face.   Turning for the door Pa wished he’d been able to get the boy to understand why he had asked him to think over the decision he had made.  Ben prayed that Joe would have a change of heart.  However, either way, Pa knew he’d have to abide by the boy’s wishes.  He couldn’t gamble with something that was so valuable and irreplaceable to him; his youngest son.

 

“Where’s Adam and Hoss?” Joe asked, as he took a seat at the dining table.  It had surprised him that he had slept until ten in the morning.  With all that had been on his mind the previous night, Joe was doubtful he’d get any sleep at all.

Ben returned from the kitchen having brought in a fresh pot of coffee, and a new platter of eggs and bacon for his son.  “They had to go get some supplies first thing this morning.  They should be back soon.  I’m glad to see you’ve finally gotten a full night’s sleep, Joseph.  Now, I hope you’ll actually eat for a change?”

Joe frowned as he thought about food.  Though he had gotten a lot of rest, his appetite had yet to come back.  It seemed like it had been months since he actually felt like eating a full meal.  To appease his father though, Joe put some eggs and bacon on his plate.

“What time were you thinking of going to town, Son?”

 

“I told Cassie I’d meet her this afternoon around three,” Joe answered, as he attempted to choke down a bit of the eggs on his plate.

Ben hated to ask the question which had plagued his mind ever since talking with Joe the previous night.  Finally summoning the courage, he called to the boy, “Have you thought about what you’re going to do, Joseph?”

Before Joe could answer his father’s question, they heard the door to the ranch house open.  Soon both Adam and Hoss appeared.

“You boys get the supplies back already?” Ben asked surprised.

Adam stared hesitantly over at his brother Hoss and then over to his father and youngest brother.  “Pa — Joe — there’s been an accident.”

The two men at the table looked at each other and then over to Adam.

“What’s happened?” Ben replied.

“Joe — it’s Cassie.  She had a fall.”

Springing to his feet, Joe moved across the room to stand between his two brothers.  “How bad is it?  Is she okay?”

Hoss placed his hand down onto his little brother’s right shoulder and said, “We didn’t get too much information, Little Brother.  Doc was over at the hotel when we left.  We were at the mercantile when someone told us.”

Joe headed over to the credenza and tried to get his right handed holster on as fast as he could.

“I’ll go with you, Joseph,” Ben insisted, as he hurriedly reached for his holster and hat as well.

 

Doctor Paul Martin, black medical bag in hand, walked down the long staircase at the International House.  He wore a grim look on his face.  Not surprised to see Joe Cartwright, nor his father, he moved over to them standing in the lobby.

“How’s Cassie?” Joe was first to ask breathlessly.

Paul dropped his hand down onto the boy’s arm and tried for a more optimistic appearance.  “Cassie’s going to be okay.  She took quite a fall down that staircase early this morning.  She has a few bumps and bruises, but no breaks.”

Joe noticed how the doctor hadn’t mentioned the baby.  When he stared into the man’s eyes he knew.

“Does she know about the baby?” Joe asked, fighting tears.  He knew how much Cassie had wanted the child.

Doc nodded and sighed.  “She knows she’s lost it.  Reverend Hastings and his wife are with her right now.  I’ve sedated her and she’ll sleep the rest of the day.

“Can I see her?”

Paul shook his head and replied, “It’s best you don’t right now, Joe.  Let her get her rest.  You can drop by tomorrow.  The Reverend and his wife said they’ll watch over her tonight.  Just give her some time, okay?”

“Thanks, Paul,” Ben called to the doctor and shook his hand.

Joe headed outside, he needed air.  Ben soon joined his son and draped his arm across his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Son.  I know Cassie wanted that baby.”

Joe wiped his eyes on his shirtsleeve and nodded.  He walked to his horse without speaking.  Joe mounted Cochise slowly, his heart breaking for his friend and for her loss.

 

Cassie had sent word through Reverend Hastings that she didn’t want Joe to see her for a few days.  It had only made Joe worry all that much more about his friend.  He tried to keep busy, but his thoughts were never far from what Cassie had gone through.  Finally, three days after the girl had fallen down the stairs at the hotel Joe had been summoned to see her.

“Cassie?”  Joe whispered, as he moved into her hotel suite.  He saw she was laying on the settee in the outer living room.

The young lady blinked her eyes open and stared over at Joe.  She attempted a smile towards the young man and called out, “Come on over, Joe.”

Joe leaned forward and kissed Cassie’s forehead.  “I don’t know what to say.  I’d ask how you are —-

“I know, Joe,” she paused and sat up to make room for her friend on the sofa.  “Sit down.   I need to talk to you.”

Joe took a seat on the sofa and reached for the young lady’s hand, taking it into his own.  He waited for her to speak.

“Joe, I need to tell you how sorry I am,” she began.  “I never should have asked you to marry me.  I know you — I know you were going to do it.  I had no right to put you on the spot.”

“Cassie — I would have — I wanted to,” Joe argued, though in his heart he knew he hadn’t wanted to go through with the charade.  He had planned on telling the girl the day he had learned of her fall.

“I was just scared, Joe.  You know I wanted the baby.  I’ll always grieve for it.  But, I know now it wasn’t meant to be.”

Joe was surprised that Cassie had come to accept her loss even though it had been less than a week since she had fallen.  He had expected to find her inconsolable.

“What can I do, Cassie?  How can I help you?”

Cassie squeezed Joe’s hand and smiled at him.  “I’m going to be okay.  I know it’s going to take a while before I stop thinking about the baby every day, but I’m going to start my life over.  That’s why I asked you to come, Joe.  Reverend Hastings helped me so much.  Both his wife and he helped me figure things out.  They sent a wire to my aunt in Maryland.  My father refused to let me tell her about the baby and what happened.  But, I let her know.  She wants me to go live with her.  She’s even going to help me get my teaching certificate, Joe.  I’ll have all the children I can stand,” Cassie paused and wiped away a few tears.  “I NEED this new chance, Joe!  I need to move forward with my life.  I talked with Doc Martin.  He said I can travel in a couple of days and I’ve already got my tickets for the stage and the train east.  I’m leaving on Friday.”

Joe pulled the young lady into his arms.  He wept over the idea of her being gone from his life.  But, he knew it was probably the best decision she could make in order to recover from all that had happened.  “I wish —- I wish —

“I wish, too, Joe.  I need you to promise me something, okay?”

Joe pulled out of the embrace and asked, “Promise you what?”

“When I leave Friday, I can’t take any more tears, Joe.  I also can’t face saying goodbye to you like that.  So, on Friday I want you to promise me you’ll go to our bridge.  Go to our spot.  Think of me there, please?  Will you promise?”

Joe pushed back his tears and nodded.  He didn’t think he would be able to take saying goodbye to the girl either.  “If you need me to do that, Cassie, then I will.”

“And, Joe — thank you —thank you for loving me like you have.  I’ll never forget you.”

“You’ll always be with me, Cassie,” Joe answered, holding her close again.

Joe spent the afternoon with Cassie, not wanting to say goodbye.  Instead the two young people just sat and held hands and tried to recall their happier days.  It would be the last time either would see the other for the rest of their lives.

As Cassie Brendon boarded the stagecoach that Friday on the first leg of her trip Joe Cartwright made his own journey out to the bridge over Miller’s Pond.  His heart was heavy laden, as he had already begun to miss his friend Cassie.  Though he was happy that she was going towards what he hoped would be a wonderful future, he still missed what they had shared over the years.  To Joe it was like closing a part of his childhood and his heart ached.  He had recalled the passage from the Bible that his father had shared with him through his darkest days a year ago.  It had said that there was a time for every purpose unto heaven.  Joe had to assume there was a purpose, even in his friend’s loss and in her moving away.

Sitting down onto the wooden planks of the bridge Joe noticed a small package wrapped in plain brown paper.  He reached for it, and saw his name handwritten on the top of it.  Pulling the paper aside, Joe saw that it was the book of poems that he had given Cassie some three months prior for her birthday.  He wondered why she would have left it there.  Finally, he opened the book and saw a bright green bookmark stuck in the middle of it.  Separating the pages he spied the underlined poem and the handwritten note in the margin.

The note read:  Joe, remember the Tomorrow and Tomorrow poem that I tried to read to you?  Actually, I read it twice.  The first time I recited it and it was on one of my happiest days, because we were together and it was my birthday.  The second time I quoted it, and it was on one of my worst days, right after I was hurt so badly.  I need to tell you what I’ve learned from my life and from this poem.  Mister Shakespeare was wrong.  Life is not a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing.  Life is a journey, and you have many detours along the way to getting you to where you’re supposed to be.  I know, I sound very smart, right?  I’m sharing these thoughts with you because we’ve both gone on similar journeys.  I’m moving forward now, and I want you to do the same.  I know we all go at our own pace in this life, but I’m counting on you to keep moving.  Now, as for that other part in the poem, you remember don’t you?  Where it says that all of our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death?  Well, the “old Bard” messed that up too!  All of our yesterdays, I believe, have brought us to right where we are today.  We’ve had some really great ones, and some really terrible ones, Joe.  So, I’m asking you to do one last favor for me.  I want you to remember our yesterdays.  But, when it comes to remembering me, only remember the wonderful yesterdays that we spent together.  Remember those happy times.  Keep those in your heart, as I’ll keep them in mine.   I know that we’ll never be able to forget the bad yesterdays that both you and I have had in our lives.  We can’t change those, Joe.  We can’t change anything that’s happened to us in our yesterdays.   But, if we’re lucky we’ll be able to keep those bad yesterdays at bay.  Sometimes it’s those bad memories that help us appreciate the good ones even more.  Remember all of this, Joe, and let it bring you the closure you’ve needed for so long.  And, remember me too.  Be happy, Joe.  I love you, Cassie.

Joe fought the tears which were leaving his eyes over what his friend had said in her note.  He understood what she had said, and it meant so much to him.  Joe knew why she had left the message and also why she had somehow managed to get to their special meeting place to leave it for him.  Joe tucked the bookmark back where Cassie had placed it and tucked the book inside the pocket of his jacket.  He closed his eyes and whispered, “I love you too, Cassie.  Be happy.”

 

Epilogue:

 

Joe’s father and brothers had known that he was going to the bridge that day as he had informed them about Cassie’s parting request.  They wanted to ask him how he was doing when he had returned later that day, but decided to wait to see if Joe would want to talk about it.  He hadn’t said anything, so they all left it alone.    Joe had made a vain attempt to eat his dinner that night and join in on the conversation, but they could all tell that his thoughts were somewhere else.  Hoss had asked him to play checkers after dinner, and Joe had acquiesced.  For the first time in many years, Hoss won three out of three games before his brother had decided to call it a night and had gone up to his room.  Knowing that Hoss was concerned about Joe, Adam had challenged him to another match which the middle son had lost.  Somehow that fact eased his worry, as was Adam’s intent.  Pa had just looked on and tried to pretend that he wasn’t thinking about how his youngest was doing.  By eleven the other three Cartwrights had gone to their rooms as they had a busy Saturday planned.  Ben had lingered outside of Joe’s room, wondering if he should try to speak to him.  Finally deciding to just let the boy alone, he had gone to bed.

Joe hadn’t been able to fall to sleep, though he had tried his best.  So when two a.m. rolled around, he finally gave up the cause.  He pulled on his clothes and set his arm back inside of the sling.  Then he moved quietly down into the living room.  Re-stoking the fireplace, Joe just stood there staring at the flames.  He turned when he heard a sound off to his right.  It hadn’t surprised him to see Pa standing on the last landing of the staircase staring over at him.  Somehow his father always knew when he needed to talk.

“Joseph?  What’s the matter, couldn’t you sleep?” Ben asked, as he drew closer to the boy.

Joe shook his head and sat down on the coffee table.  “No.  I guess I’m just a bit wound up, Pa.  It was kind of an emotional day.”

“You want to tell me about it?”

In response Joe walked over towards the credenza to retrieve what he had left inside of his jacket.  He made his way back over to his father and handed him the book.  “This is what Cassie had left for me.  I guess that’s why she didn’t want me to see her off.  I gave her this book of poems for her birthday — you know before everything happened?”

Ben examined the cover and then noticed the bookmark.  “Is it okay for me to look at what’s marked here, Son?”

Joe nodded, “Yeah, I wanted to show you when I got home — but I was still processing what she wrote.’

Thumbing through the book until he got to the marked pages, Ben slowly read what Cassie had written there.  He thought on everything that the girl had left for his son.  Ben knew how much it must have meant to him.

“She’s a very smart young lady, Joseph.  These are very wise words that she left for you to think about,” Ben smiled knowingly over at his son.

“Yes, Sir — I think she’s going to be okay,” Joe replied.

“Now,what about you, Son?  Are you going to be okay?”

Joe drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.  He thought back to the yesterdays that Cassie had mentioned in her note.  Joe knew she had been referring to all that he had gone through in the past year, and that she was urging him to find closure to it all.

“I think so, Pa.  Like she said in there, we might always remember our yesterdays but we need to keep moving.  I’m trying to do that, just like she is.”

Ben sighed and reached out and touched his son’s arm.  He knew that Joe had gone through so much anguish, and hopefully was now finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  “I’m sure you’ll both do just fine,” he nodded.

“There is one thing, Pa,” Joe paused as he took the book from his father and set it down on the table.

“What’s that?”

“I need an honest answer to something that’s been bothering me, Pa.”

“If I can — what is it?”

“You remember when I told you that Cassie’s father said that he considered both her and me to be two broken people?”

Ben frowned and nodded.  “Don’t tell me that you believed anything that man said, Joe!  We all know how he is.”

“Yeah, but, well — I do need an honest answer, Pa.  With all that I went through —- you know last year —and part of this year too, during that trial.  Did you ever consider me broken?” Joe asked, and his eyes sought out those of his father, needing to know the truth.

“You want an honest answer, huh?” Ben replied, and his face took on an ominous appearance.  “Well, if I have to give you an honest answer let me sit down and give you my serious assessment,” Ben sat down on the coffee table.

Joe looked at his father very puzzled and a bit concerned over his father’s delay in answering what he had assumed would be an easy question for him.

“Sit down, Joseph.  This is going to be very difficult for me to tell you,” Ben frowned, and pointed for his son to sit down next to him.

Joe took a seat next to Ben.  He stared over at his father, now wishing he hadn’t posed the question to him.

“Okay, I’m ready now,” Ben nodded, and looked somberly into his son’s hazel eyes.  “Joseph, you are — let’s see — ornery — stubborn — quick-tempered — disobedient — but broken?  NEVER!  In fact, I consider you quite the opposite!  I consider you to be absolutely UNBREAKABLE!”  Ben smiled and put his arm around the boy.

Joe shook his head amused.   He had to admit that his father had him going there for a minute.  Leave it to Pa to break up a very serious conversation by throwing in some biting wit.

“Well, maybe you’re right, Pa,” Joe grinned as he slowly eased out of his sling.  He then pulled it off from around his neck.  The boy turned and tossed the sling into the fireplace.  “Try this!” Joe smiled as he reached for his father’s left hand, taking it into his.

The grip was very strong, and it totally amazed Pa that somehow the kid had regained the use of his left hand.  Ben clapped the boy on the back proudly.

“As I said, Joseph, you are absolutely unbreakable!”  Pa laughed.

Joe stood and reached down for his father.  Ben let his son pull him up from the coffee table using his left hand once more.

Easing his left arm around his pa’s shoulder Joe beamed.  “Let’s go see what we can find in the kitchen, Pa. I’m starved!”

“Well, it’s about time!”  Ben exclaimed, and walked with his youngest to raid Hop Sing’s pantry.

 

***We all carry scars, but they don’t define us***

 

The End

(written by Wrangler 1-22-25)

Dedicated to:  All survivors everywhere.

(And to Rob the story consultant)