Summary:  With word of Ben Cartwright’s death, the three Cartwright brothers must decide if they’ll keep the Ponderosa going in order to preserve their father’s legacy.  Meanwhile, it’s Little Joe whose nightly dreams propel him to search for the truth about how his father perished and if he’s really dead. Rating – T, WC 28,200, Family/Drama/Hurt/Comfort

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If Silence Keeps You

*** Don’t give up, it’s just the weight of the world when your heart’s heavy, I will lift it for you.  Don’t give up, because you want to be heard, if silence keeps you I will break it for you.  Everybody wants to be understood.  Well, I can hear you.  Everybody wants to be loved.  Don’t give up, because you are loved.  Don’t give up it’s just the hurt that you hide.  When you’re lost inside, I’ll be there to find you.  Don’t give up because you want to burn bright.  If darkness blinds you, I will shine to guide you.  (song:  You Are Loved, by Josh Groban) ***

How It Started

Adam Cartwright sat there at his father’s desk in the study and read the latest telegraph from Pa.  Ben Cartwright had masterfully won the heavily sought after contract to provide timber for a large railroad trestle which would cross a gorge not far from the Ponderosa ranch.  Now, as his father had instructed in his telegraph, it would be up to his three sons to mark the trees which would be cut and hewn in order to construct the project.  Pa had stressed the importance in fulfilling all of the stipulations which the railroad had placed in the contract.   Ben had also mentioned to his eldest son that he had placed a hefty sized security bond and now they needed to get right to work on the project without any delay.  If there was even the slightest variance from the railroad’s construction time line on the Cartwright’s part, it would mean the forfeiture of two thousand dollars, and Adam knew that would not go over well with his father, to say the least.

“Where the heck is that kid?” Adam looked up from his paperwork and shot a glance over at his brother Hoss who stood there next to him.

Hoss shrugged his shoulders and stared down at Adam and replied, “Gosh, I don’t know the last time I looked in on him he was still trying to get the rest of the hay stacked in the loft.”

“We’ve got to start marking those trees like Pa asked us to do.  I gave Joe a simple chore and he can’t even do that right!”  Adam fussed, his smoldering brown eyes giving away his increased irritation.

Hoss shook his head wearily and could tell that his older brother was losing all patience with Joe.   The middle son knew he was needed as a go-between once again to keep his two hard headed brothers from warring, as they both had done so many times ever since Pa had left on the business trip to San Francisco.    “Come on, Adam.  He might not always do things exactly the way you want him to but he’ll get it done.”

“Go and see if he’s done getting the hay stacked in the loft like he was supposed to do.  There’s no way it should’ve taken him this long!  We’ve got to head out soon, Hoss.  I’d go to check on Joe but I doubt if I can get through to him the way you seem to be able to.”

Hoss laughed and called down to Adam as he readied to go out to the barn,  “You just got to be able to convince Little Joe that he’s making the decisions and he’ll do the job.  If you tell him to do something it chaffs him.  Okay, I’ll go check on him and get the horses ready.

Hoss lumbered into the barn and called up into the hayloft.  Not getting a reply, he looked around to make sure Joe hadn’t taken Cochise off somewhere.  Hoss was worried that perhaps the boy had ridden off to places unknown in order to get away from what he perceived to be a rather harsh and direct order from Adam.

“Joe!”  Hoss shouted, after seeing the lifeless form lying on the floor of the barn just past the horse stalls.  He made his way over to his brother and knelt there next to him.  “Come on Little Brother — can you open your eyes?”

Joe moaned softly and then painfully scrunched up his face before peering up at his brother.  “H –Hoss is that you?”  He asked, dazed momentarily.

“Yeah – hey, Joe what happened to you?”

Joe tried to pull himself to a seated position but had to stop as the movement sent a sharp pain to his side and right arm.  “I think I missed a step,” Joe quipped, trying his best to fight off the pain.

“Did you fall from the top of the hayloft, Boy?”  Hoss questioned softly as his eyes tracked upwards.  He knew it would’ve been one heck of a fall as the loft was a good ten feet above them.

Joe sighed and nodded before answering.  “Yeah, I guess my feet weren’t where I thought they were when I tossed that last sack over to get it out of the way.  I got all the hay put up, though, so at least Adam can’t chew me out for that.”

“Just hold still a minute, Short Shanks, let me take a look at what damage you caused yourself this time,” Hoss tried to quiet Joe and then he carefully prodded his brother’s right arm.  He could feel the separation of the bones and knew his brother had broken it good.  Hoss then eased Joe’s shirt out from his pants in order to expose the boy’s chest and then, as gently as he could manage, felt the boy’s ribcage.  “Your arm is busted, Boy, and from what I can feel you might have a few broken ribs too.  Let me carry you inside.”

“Nothing doing, Hoss!”  Joe returned sharply as he considered how it would look to Adam if he couldn’t make it into the house unassisted.  “I might have busted my arm but my legs still work.  Just help pull me up will you, Hoss?”

Hoss frowned but caved into the boy’s request, helping him to his feet.  He knew how stubborn the seventeen year old was and Hoss was also well aware of the constant bickering which had gone on between his two brothers ever since their father had left on his trip.  It was as though Joe balked over every order that Adam had given him and that had made things more difficult for everyone.  But, then again, it was Adam who had treated Joe like a child, or at least that was how Joe felt about it.  Hoss, being the middle brother, had to work as a mediator between the two, and he was feeling overwhelmed by that chore of late.

“There you go,” Hoss announced as he threw his arm around Joe’s shoulder, after he made sure that the boy was steady enough on his feet to begin walking.

“Thanks,” Joe nodded over to his brother and the two of them slowly made their way into the house.

“What in the heck is going on?!” Adam sang out loudly as he noticed the way Hoss was gingerly moving Little Joe inside the living room.

“Joe fell from the loft,” Hoss whispered, as he settled the boy down onto the settee.

Adam frowned as he shook his head, partly upset over the boy’s apparent clumsiness and partly due to his worry about him.  He moved next to both of his brothers and cast a concerned gaze down at Joe.

“Where’s it hurt?” Adam asked as he stared down at the kid.

“My pride mostly,” Joe quipped and fought off a grimace.  “It’s just my arm and maybe a couple of ribs.  Hey how about some brandy — that might help?”

“Nothing doing,” Adam answered exasperated over the boy’s question.   He then turned abruptly for the front door and pulled on his holster and hat.  “I’ll go fetch Doc Martin.  Hoss you go get the kid up to his room.”

“I don’t need to be up in my room — I ain’t sick!”  Joe shouted towards the departing oldest brother.

“Joe, you just take it easy for right now,” Hoss urged his brother to quiet down.

“You’ll give me some brandy won’t you, Hoss?” Joe tried again as he smiled up at his brother hopefully.

“Heck no, you don’t get nothing until Doc gets here,” Hoss called down to Little Joe and then eased him back against the cushions.

“If Pa was here he’d give me some,” Joe remarked with irritation in his voice.

“If Pa was here he’d be fussing over you non-stop too!  But you ain’t gonna play me like you do our Pa, Little Brother.  Now you just lay there still and rest up.  Doc will be here soon and then you’re going to get that arm set.  It ain’t gonna be much fun neither — so just maybe — just maybe I’ll see if he will let us give you a little brandy.  But that’s only IF you behave until he gets here,” Hoss tried his best to cajole the boy until he had reinforcements to help him with the kid.  He knew that if their father had been there that Joe would have relaxed a bit easier.  Pa always knew exactly what to do and say, especially with his youngest son.  Of course he had lots of practice in tending the boy’s injuries.  Joe, even at the young age of seventeen, had gone through numerous injuries and illnesses so their father had honed the ability to garner Joe’s compliance in resting and listening to the doctor’s instructions.  Of course if didn’t hurt that Pa always had known exactly what to do to ease his youngest boy’s suffering, and with the mere touch of his hand to Joe’s arm he could accomplish almost as much as anything that Doctor Paul Martin could.  Hoss closed his eyes briefly and wished that Pa was home and not hundreds of miles away at the time.

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Doctor Paul Martin had spent a lot of time at the Ponderosa ranch house over the years.  He had delivered one Joseph Cartwright and for the remainder of the boy’s seventeen years had also spent a great deal of time patching the kid up.  Leaning over the settee Paul inspected his patient thoroughly and then turned to cast a glance up to the two very concerned brothers.

“He’s got one broken rib and two cracked ones and that right arm is going to need to be set,” Doc announced and reached for his black medical bag which sat on top of the coffee table.  He pulled out a splint, which he had readied once Adam had explained what Hoss’ diagnosis had been regarding Joe’s right arm.  Doc also pulled out a bottle of pain medicine and a tablespoon.

“Now, Little Joe, you just drink this and then I’ll get to setting your arm,” Paul stated firmly and lifted the tablespoon to the boy’s lips.

“What’s that?” Joe asked warily.  He had asked for brandy but none of the three men in the room had allowed him to partake in Pa’s favorite liquor.

“If you must know, Young Man, it’s laudanum and it will keep you from bolting off this couch when I snap those bones back into place.  Now drink it!”

Joe had witnessed the way Doc was looking over at him and decided it wasn’t worth getting the man upset, especially since he would be the one who would be yanking on his broken bones.  He accepted the medicine and then lay back down on the settee.

Paul watched as Hop Sing padded in from the kitchen.  The Oriental member of the family had been in Virginia City visiting friends when he had heard about Little Joe’s fall and came right home.  He handed Paul a cup of coffee which the doctor gladly accepted.

“It’ll just be a couple of minutes, Boys,” Doc called over to the anxious brothers.

Sitting there on top of the coffee table and sipping the strong brew which the cook had provided him, Doctor Martin waited until his patient grew quiet.

“That’s some pretty strong stuff ain’t it, Doc?  I never saw Joe go out that quick!” Hoss remarked.

Paul smiled and nodded, “It’s a morphine derivative and not something I would use for an extended period of time.  There are far too many people who get addicted to this drug.  I just wanted to get the boy quiet because this set is going to be tough.  Joe doesn’t need to feel what I’m about to do.  Okay, Hoss, give me a hand.  You hold his upper arm and I’m going to give a quick pull down by his wrist to pop that bone into place.”

Hoss readied to assist Doc and soon the two of them had gotten the broken bone back into alignment.  Adam handed over the splint and Paul placed it on either side of Joe’s forearm.  Next, he wrapped the arm tightly with strips of bandages and then eased it down onto a pillow next to where the boy was fast asleep.

“How about those ribs, Doc?” Adam was quick to ask.

“If one of you will ease the boy forward some I’ll go ahead and wrap them tightly,” He answered and reached once again inside his bag for the cotton material he would need.

Hoss and Adam carefully lifted their brother’s shirt and pulled him forward some and then Paul went to work securing the bandage around the boy’s chest, pulling it taunt.

“There — that’s got it,” Paul called to the two brothers.  “Now just ease him back gently.  I’d just keep Joe on this couch tonight and tomorrow maybe get him up to his bedroom. That medicine is going to keep him out for quite a while.  I’ll leave some milder medicine for you boys to give him when he wakes up if he complains,” Doc said and placed all of his instruments and anything else that he had used back inside his medical bag and stood.  He handed Hoss a bottle of pills and said, “Just one of those every eight hours, Hoss, and only if Joe asks for it.”

“Right, Doc,” Hoss nodded.

Adam stared intently over at the doctor and asked, “You think we need to wire Pa about this?”

Paul shrugged his shoulders and replied, “Well, now that’s up to the two of you.  When is Ben due back anyway?”

“I think he’s coming back the first part of next week,” Hoss jumped in to the conversation.

“You know how Pa is about the kid,” Adam sighed.   Anyone who knew the Cartwright family was well aware of the fact that Ben Cartwright was a slightly over protective father, and that was never more apparent than if something happened to his youngest boy.  When it came to Little Joe, perhaps due to his age, or because of the boy’s dependence on the man, Pa definitely had a weak spot.

“Yes, I know,” Paul smiled knowingly and stared down at the slumbering boy.  “I’ll leave it to your good judgement, Adam.  Joe should be okay, that is if he stays down and doesn’t over exert himself.  That arm is going to need a sling but I won’t leave it for him on this visit because I want this young man to stay in bed until I return.  Hoss you make sure you don’t take any guff from Little Joe when you bring him up to his room later.  You just tell him that I’ll come and give him a big shot if he acts up!”

“I will, Doc, thanks,” Hoss agreed.

“Well, I’m going back to my office.  You boys come and get me if you need me, if not I’ll come back tomorrow afternoon,” Paul said and turned for the front door.

“Wait!” Adam called out and stopped the doctor’s exit.  “I guess I’d better send a wire to Pa, I’ll tell him that Joe will be okay, but I’ve at least got to let him know.  I think he would skin me alive if I kept this from him — especially since it’s Little Joe who’s hurt.  Let me go jot something down real quick, Doc, if you wouldn’t mind sending it off for me?”

Paul nodded over to the eldest and waited patiently at the front door next to Hoss.  A few minutes later he held a piece of paper with Adam’s note to send off to his father.  Doc agreed to send the telegraph just as soon as he got back into Virginia City and then left the ranch house.

“I hope Pa doesn’t hurry back, Adam.  Joe’s going to be okay – you did tell Pa that, right?”

“Yeah I wrote that, but, well, you know how he is!  I swear it’s almost like this every time Pa gets a little time away — that kid is always either getting hurt or getting himself into some kind of trouble.”

Hoss walked back to the settee and cast a glance down at the boy laying there.  “The kid can’t help it Brother, he’s in that awkward stage right now.”

“The kid has been in the awkward stage since he was born, Hoss!  Face it, Joe is his worst enemy — but we all take the brunt of his awkwardness.  Now, let’s figure out how we’re going to get those trees marked.  Come over here,” Adam called to Hoss as he moved to sit down at his father’s desk.

Hoss reached down and covered his little brother with the Indian blanket which had rested at the end of the settee.   Then he moved over to the desk and sat down next to Adam to brainstorm their problem.

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How It Went Drastically Awry

Ben Cartwright stood inside his hotel room and pulled off his dress jacket and vest.  He had just finished yet another grueling day of negotiations, this time concerning timber which would be used for a shipping contract.  Though he was pleased to have gotten done so much of the leg work in securing the bids for the Ponderosa, he was finding the trip to be a bit more tedious than he had originally thought.  At least now the hard part was over, and Ben was happy to have it done.  He eased down onto the side chair next to his bed and fought to get his boots off.  Wanting nothing more than a good night’s sleep, Ben was annoyed when a knock sounded on his door.  He had supposed it was the chamber maid wanting to turn his bed down.  The very nice older woman had come around every night since he had checked in and every night Ben had declined her assistance.  He figured at his age he could handle pulling his own comforter down.

Now in his stocking feet, Ben slowly moved towards the door and opened it.

“Mister Ben Cartwright?” a young man about the age of his son Joseph called over to him.

“Yes – that’s who I am.  How can I help you?”

“I work for the telegrapher’s office he said I’d find you here.  This came for you a little while ago,” the boy said and handed Ben the piece of paper.  Mindlessly Ben drew out a silver dollar and handed it to the kid.  “Here you are.”

“My thanks,” the boy smiled and tucked the coin into his pants pocket and turned from the door.

Ben walked over to the lamp and settled down into the chair.  “From Adam Cartwright to Ben Cartwright care of the Luxor Hotel, San Francisco, California : Pa everything is okay and I’m sending this to just let you know Joe had a fall but is fine.  He just broke his arm and cracked a couple of ribs. Doc says the kid will be okay.   No need to change your plans all else is well.  We will see you next week and all send our love – Adam.

Walking over to the supply of brandy which the hotel had kindly sent up on his first night there, Ben poured himself a shot.  Shaking his head wearily he frowned and started talking to himself.  “Joseph honestly why is it that you are always the one who gets himself into so many awful situations?  Now your brother says “everything is okay”?   Sometimes Joseph — sometimes I wonder about you!  Why is it that I can’t go away for a couple of weeks without there being some kind of problem at home?  And around ninety-nine per cent of the time it’s something concerning YOU Joseph!  Well, Adam has it well in hand and there’s no need for me to worry about it now.  I’ll just go to those celebratory dinners and relax and go to the coast and – then I’ll — well – I’ll just watch the ocean.  I’m quite sure that your brothers can tend to you Joe, you’ll be just fine or Adam would have said differently.  So I’ll just stay here until next week as I planned.” Ben finished his internal tirade and then smiled to himself.  “You’re an old fool, Ben Cartwright! You know good and well that you’re going to catch the next stage!  Stop the grandstanding and go and let the boys know that you’ll be heading home right away.  It doesn’t matter in the least that Adam says everything is okay because now I know that my youngest needs me.  I’ll be home soon, Joseph.”

Ben grabbed a pen off of the ornate roll top desk and drew out a piece of paper from the cubby hole.  He was going to compose a fast response to Adam’s telegraph and get it sent right away.  After that there was the matter of packing and then purchasing his return ticket with the Overland Stage Line.  It would be a very busy last night in San Francisco.

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“It figures,” Adam sighed as he stared down at the telegraph which one of the hired hands had brought out late that night.

“What?” Hoss asked, crossing the living room with his coffee.

“Pa wired me right back.  Fletcher just brought this,” Adam returned and handed his brother the telegraph.

“I will be leaving first thing in the morning.  I’ve purchased my ticket and will pack tonight.  You tell Joseph that I said to stay down!  Love your father,” Hoss read the wire aloud.  He had to fight a smile.

“Pa’s coming home?” Joe’s weak voice called out from over on the settee.

Both brothers turned to cast a look over at Joe.  They had no idea that the kid had awakened.  Adam and Hoss drew closer to the settee.

“How you feeling, Joe?” Hoss asked staring down at the kid.

“Who told Pa that I was hurt?” Joe ignored Hoss’ question.

“I did,” Adam admitted.

“You shouldn’t have done that, Adam!” Joe’s anger came out from under the effects of the laudanum.

“I had to,” Adam returned angrily.  “If I didn’t he’d have been irate once he got home.  We ALL know how he worries about his youngest!”

“I’m not a little kid and I didn’t want to make Pa leave San Francisco.  Now it’s going to be all my fault,” Joe argued.

“Just stop complaining.  Now how is that arm?”

“I’m fine!  Go wire Pa again, Adam!  Tell him that I said to stay!” Joe yelled loudly.

“Cut it out, Joe,” Hoss intervened in the battle between Joe and Adam.  “Pa is heading home and that’s the end of it.  Now, let’s get back to how you’re feeling.”

“I feel like no-one the hell listens to me that’s how I feel!” Joe spat out, swept up in his anger once more.

“Hoss, you deal with the kid, I’m going to go outside and get some air,” Adam fumed and walked out of the front door very upset over what Joe had said.

“Give it a rest, Little Brother, you’re banged up pretty good and getting upset about things isn’t going to help you or any of us.  Nobody is making Pa come home but we had to tell him about you.  Pa’s grown, he makes his own decisions.”

Joe crossed his left arm over his chest, unable to move his right arm, which still sat on the pillow next to him.  “I’ll never hear the end of this one.  Adam never should have told Pa and you should’ve stopped him, Hoss,” Joe muttered.

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Sheriff Roy Coffee looked down at the information that he had just received from the manager of the Overland Stage Depot.  He felt a knot forming in his throat.  Having been the sheriff there in Virginia City for more years than he could remember, Roy kept up with all of the comings and goings around the town as well as all of the gossip.  He had heard about Joe Cartwright’s fall three days ago and had talked to Doc Martin about the kid.  Roy was pleased that the boy was going to be okay, as he was fond of Joe who was his best friend’s youngest son.  Roy and Ben went way back and the two of them had become almost like brothers over the many years.  Now he stared down at the information that Pete had given him when he had passed the stage depot earlier.  Hoss and Adam had just ridden up in the buckboard pulling Ben’s buckskin horse behind.  How was he supposed to tell them?

“Hey there, Roy!” Hoss called out cheerfully as the buckboard drew closer.  “How’re you doing?”

Roy looked over at Ben’s two oldest boys and fought not to show what was in his heart at the time.  “I’ve been better,” Roy sighed as the other two men pulled their rig next to him.

“We’re going to meet the stage but we have time to buy you a beer,” Adam sang out as he climbed down from the buckboard.

“Mind if I see you two over in my office first?” Roy asked and noted the peculiar looks on the two men’s faces.

“What’s wrong, Roy?” Hoss was first to ask.

“Just leave your wagon and come on with me,” Roy had to turn his back on the two, as he hadn’t figured out yet how to break the news to either of the Cartwright brothers yet.

Hoss and Adam exchanged confused glances and then walked along with the sheriff down to the jail.  Roy opened the door and bid them inside and down to the chairs around his desk.

“What gives, Roy?” Hoss asked once again.

Roy swiped under his nose, as he had been fighting the raw emotion he was feeling inside.  He hated like hell to tell the two brothers the awful news.

“There’s no easy way to tell you this — but I just got word from the Overland Stage manager.  Your Pa’s stage —-well — it had an accident.”

“What!!!” Both Adam and Hoss yelled out in unison and sprang up from their chairs.

“Sit down, Boys – I know this ain’t easy – but let me get it out.”

Adam and Hoss settled back down into their seats and looked over at the lawman.

“It seems that the second day out there was some kind of a storm and no-one heard from the driver again.  He was supposed to meet up at the way station just east of Stockton and never showed.  They’d been searching for the stage ever since.  The word just got in that they found it, it went off a high embankment and — well — there’s no survivors.  There were five on that stage including your Pa and the driver.  I’m so sorry, Boys, I just don’t rightly know what to say.  Your Pa didn’t make it.  They’ve just recovered all five bodies along with all of the belongings.  They found your Pa’s luggage.”

Hoss looked over at his brother and saw his face go completely white.  He watched as Adam aged a good ten years there in front of him.  Hoss stood and called down to Roy.

“My Pa ain’t dead I tell you!  There’s got to be some kind of a mistake!  Maybe he never got on that stage in San Francisco or maybe he had to get off at one of the way stations before the stage had the accident.  Pa ain’t dead!” Hoss insisted loudly.

Adam finally got to his feet and tried to gather himself.  He could see the intense countenance of his brother and he threw his arm over the big man’s shoulder.  “We have to be sure.  Who’s handling — who’s in charge of – the remains?”

“I’ll get you boys that information in just a minute.  Pete was gathering it all together when I seen you two coming into town.  I didn’t want you to hear this from anybody but me.”

Hoss swept his hand across his eyes and turned his back on both of the other men.  His heart was killing him, just thinking about his Pa being gone.

“Let’s go down to the stage-line and find out,” Adam called over to his brother.

With very heavy hearts the three men walked down C- Street and to the Overland Depot.  It was the longest walk of Adam and Hoss Cartwright’s lives.

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Joe sat in the living room of the Ponderosa ranch house and fought not to put his feet up on the coffee table.  It really wasn’t much fun anyway unless Pa was there to yell for him to take them back down.  Joe smiled knowing that his father would soon be home to break up the monotony and maybe fuss over him a bit.  It had been rough dealing with his two older brothers who never really paid him much mind.  At least Pa “tried” to understand him, even if he also spent a great deal of time lecturing him as well.

“Hey – where’s Pa?” Joe called over as he noticed his two brothers coming into the house.  “Was his stage delayed?”

Hoss set his hat onto the credenza and purposely didn’t answer the kid.  He couldn’t.  Adam just shot by the two of them and headed up to his room.

Joe pulled himself out of the chair next to the fireplace and settled his arm into the sling.  He walked over to Hoss and touched his arm.

“Hoss?  Hey — what’s going on?”

“Little Brother — I — I can’t rightly talk just yet.  Gimme a few minutes will you?” Hoss replied, his eyes red from tears spent on the long trip back home.

“Where is Pa?!” Joe demanded.  He couldn’t figure out why no-one was telling him what was going on.  “Did something happen to him?  Is he okay?  Hoss tell me!”

Hoss turned to face his little brother and managed to put a hand up onto the boy’s shoulder and whispered, “Little Joe, Pa — well — Pa is gone.  There was an accident with the stage.  He ain’t never coming back.”  Hoss turned away from Joe and headed to his own bedroom leaving his youngest brother standing there all alone.

Joe had to find out.  He had to know what his two brothers had learned in town.  Climbing the stairs, Joe, full of determination sought to confront his brother Adam.  With a sharp knock to Adam’s bedroom door the angered young man cried out.

“Adam!  Adam, I need to talk to you!”

A few silent minutes later the bedroom door opened and Adam shot a look down at his youngest brother.  “I’m busy right now, Joe,” He said dismissively and turned back inside his room.

Joe forcefully pushed himself inside the room and noticed that his brother was packing his bedroll there on his bed.  “Now what’s going on?  Hoss said Pa isn’t coming back — what does that mean?”

Adam turned back towards his brother and gave an aggravated sigh, “Joe, Pa was killed in an accident with that stage — I’m heading over near Stockton to — well to –

“To claim his body, is that what you were gonna say?” Joe asked sharply.

“That’s right.  Now leave me alone, I’ve got to finish getting ready,” Adam returned exasperated by his brother at the time.  He didn’t need the kid’s questions and he didn’t want to get into it with him either.

Joe grabbed his brother’s arm and spun him around to look at him.  He wasn’t going to be readily dismissed by Adam this time.  “Tell me what’s going on!  I deserve to know —he’s my Pa!”

Adam’s face took on a very pained look and he shot back to the kid, “Damn it, Joe, he was my Pa too!  This isn’t just YOUR pain — we’re all feeling it —and we’re all going to have to deal with it.  Now leave me alone I’ve got to head out!”

Joe fought to hold back his tears as he witnessed the way that Adam had turned on him.  He never meant it to seem like Pa was only his, but it had apparently come out that way according to Adam.  “I – I didn’t mean that — I know he’s OUR  Pa —but I tell you he’s not dead!  I can still feel him,” Joe whispered.

“Get out of here, Kid,” Adam replied, this time with controlled sorrow filling his voice.  He turned back to his bed and finished his packing.

Less than an hour later both Adam and Hoss stood there at the front door preparing to leave.

“I’ve got the buckboard ready,” Hoss said to Adam as he strapped on his holster.

Adam nodded and then noticed Joe’s quiet approach.  He fought not to be too harsh on the kid, but he didn’t need there to be a big scene before leaving either.

“What am I supposed to do?  I’m just supposed to wait here for you two to let me know if Pa is dead, is that it?” Joe asked incredulously.

“We got to go, Little Joe,” Hoss announced, and tried not to look over at the kid.  He did hurt for his little brother, but he was in his own pain at the time as well.  “We’ll send you a telegraph from round about Stockton.   If — well — if it is Pa, then we’ll be bringing him back.”

“You mean his body back!” Joe returned, and now his fight to hold his tears had been lost.  His chin quivered as tears ran down his cheeks.  Joe felt as though his brothers were leaving him alone to wonder and worry.

“Let’s go,” Adam insisted as he pulled the front door open.

“We’ll send a wire,” Hoss reiterated and cast a parting glance at his brother.  It hurt his heart to see the boy standing there in tears, but there wasn’t anything he could offer Joe, he was fighting his own tears at the time.

Hop Sing had listened and waited patiently for an opportunity to help.  He had been informed by Hoss earlier as to what had happened and what the plans were for bringing back the body of Ben Cartwright.  Quietly he padded over to where Joe still stood by the credenza.  He placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder and Joe looked back at him.

“He can’t be gone — he just can’t be gone,” Joe sobbed and rested his head onto Hop Sing’s shoulder.

“It okay to cry, Little Joe.  Tears come from heart,” Hop Sing whispered as he allowed the boy to vent out his sorrow.

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How It Went From Bad To Worse.

The worst case scenario had proven to be true.  Adam and Hoss had claimed the body of Ben Cartwright, or rather, what was left of him after the horrendous accident.  The mortician there in River Crossing, a town just to the west of Stockton, had been the one to tell both men that the body fit Ben’s description.  However, due to the heavy storm which had befallen the stage and the plunge down onto the rock laden valley below all five bodies had sustained numerous injuries and much decomposition before they had been retrieved by the Overland Stage Line and brought into River Crossing.  The mortician had handed Adam Ben’s solid gold pocket watch, a treasured gift that Ben had received from his father many years prior.  Adam stood there clutching it to his chest and fighting back his tears.  Hoss had helped to lift the coffin into the buckboard and took what luggage which had been found and stowed it underneath the bench seat.  Then there was the three day trip home which had been silent.

Joe had heard the sound of the buckboard as it pulled into the front yard.  He hurried to the door.  Hoss had sent the telegraph three days ago, so Joe knew that there was a body arriving, though he didn’t believe it could be his Pa.

Walking as if in slow motion, Joe made his way over to where Hoss still sat as if in a daze up on the seat of the buckboard.  Adam climbed off of his horse and moved over to both brothers.

“We’ll set this inside the storage room for right now.   I’ll go and talk to Reverend Hastings tonight and see about the service.”

Joe fearfully placed his hand on top of the wooden casket.  “It can’t be Pa,” he whispered.

Hoss shot a look over at Adam and they both shook their heads.  “Go and get two of those saw horses out of the barn, Joe.  Do them one at a time so you won’t have to use that bum arm of yours,” Hoss called to the boy.

Joe looked up at Hoss confused.  He couldn’t understand how he could simply bark orders at him and not consider what he had said.  “I said this ain’t Pa!” Joe shouted.

Adam walked next to Joe and put his hand on the boy’s shoulder.  “Joe, this isn’t easy for ANY of us, but we’ve got to face it.  Now show our father respect and help us take care of this!”

Joe sneered up at his oldest brother, upset over what he said to him.  “If it was Pa I would show respect but this isn’t our pa.  Okay I’ll go get the damned saw horses!”  Joe walked away filled with anger.

Hoss shook his head and climbed down from the wagon.  “That boy is going to have to deal with this.”

“We’re ALL going to have to deal with this, Hoss.  He’s no more torn up than the rest of us!  I’ll go set that room up and you see that Joe gets those ready so we can lift this out of the wagon.”

Hoss walked towards the barn to see if he could help Joe any.  He ached that he couldn’t relieve his little brother’s pain but he could just barely handle the pain he was feeling at the time.  Hoss wondered just how they could ever make it through the burying of their Pa.

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Adam stood in the living room of the Ponderosa ranch and stared over at the grandfather clock.  They would need to get out to the graveside soon.  Hoss had been dispatched to go and bring Joe down so they could make it out to the rock laden memorial site where now both Ben and Marie Cartwright would lie in repose.

“Joe – Joe come on or we’re gonna be late,” Hoss called through the boy’s door.  Getting no response he pulled the door open.

Joe sat on the end of his bed unmoving.  He had the black dress pants on and the crisp white shirt but had yet to put on the suitcoat.

“Joe now we can’t be late get your coat and let’s go,” Hoss said, trying to force calm into his voice.

“I’m not going, Hoss.  I know that’s not Pa!”

“Joe, now stop this.   I can’t take it!  I don’t want it to be Pa any more than you do but we have to face it.  Now get up and let’s go!”

Adam appeared in the doorway and looked over at the heated battle between his two brothers.

“Get off that bed right now, Joe!  I’m not playing!” Adam shouted.

“You two go, leave me out of this!” Joe retorted loudly.

Adam, growing ever angrier walked briskly inside the bedroom and grabbed Joe’s left arm roughly and called out, “You are going to show our father respect or I swear I’ll tear into you right now!”

“Stop it, both of you!” Hoss insisted and faced both of his brothers.  “Pa wouldn’t be happy with either of you.  Now put aside your anger for a while and let’s do what we have to do. Then when we get home if you two want to take each other apart I won’t do anything to stop you!”

“Let’s go,” Adam replied coldly.

Joe stood from his bed and grabbed up his suit coat with his left hand and headed out of his bedroom.

There were so many town folks gathered for Ben Cartwright’s graveside service that the crowd encircled the trees surrounding Marie and Ben Cartwright’s last resting place.   Reverend Hastings gave a fitting tribute to the wise and kindly patriarch of the Ponderosa and listed so many of his charitable contributions to the community.  He also spoke of the three young men standing next to the grave and made sure to comment about how they were Ben Cartwright’s greatest achievement.

The three Cartwright brothers stood and listened to the Reverend’s remarks and then they stood in a receiving line to shake hands with those in attendance.  Roy Coffee had shared some thoughts with all three boys and then had walked off wiping away tears.  The very last person to go over to the Cartwright brothers was Doctor Paul Martin.

“Boys, I know you all know how I felt about your Pa.  I don’t have to tell you.  But, I do have something I need to give the three of you.”

Adam, Hoss and Joe looked over at Paul as he drew out three envelopes.

“Ben had a close call about a year or so ago — you remember — when that rifle misfired and he was almost killed?   Anyway, I know he’s probably left you boys a Last Will and Testament, but this was a little something he asked me to give to each of you if anything were to happen to him sudden like.  There’s one for each of you,” Paul said and handed over the three envelopes.  “I’m sure he’s let each of you know how he felt inside these — so read them and hopefully they’ll help you.”

“Thank you, Paul,” Adam nodded to the man.

“I’m here for you boys any time.  And, Joe — you remember to come see me next week about that arm!”

Joe nodded over to Paul as he turned and walked away.

“You ready to go?” Adam asked his two brothers.

“Yeah, guess so,” Hoss replied, wiping away his tears and putting the envelope that Paul had given to him inside his coat.

“I’ll be home in a bit,” Joe whispered as his eyes fell onto his mother’s headstone sitting next to the new one bearing his father’s name.

“Okay,” Adam nodded and gave Joe a quick pat, just to show that he harbored no ill will to him.  He knew that Pa would have wanted him to show some kind of compassion to the kid, and that was the best he could do at the time.

Joe stood there a long while looking down at the newly turned soil which now covered the casket which was supposed to contain his father’s remains.  He knelt down and touched the headstone as tears poured down his cheeks.

“I know it’s not you, Pa — I don’t know how – I just do.  If it is you — then forgive me – please.  But, I just don’t feel you gone,” Joe said aloud and then looked at the envelope Paul had given to him.  “I am not going to read this either!  You meant me to read this once you were dead and you aren’t dead so I won’t do it!”  Joe tucked the envelope inside of his coat and then stared over at his mother’s headstone.  “Mama — you know – you know this can’t be Pa —help me to figure this out –please!”  Joe turned and slowly made his way down to his horse.  He cast one final look up towards the gravesite and then turned for home.

The three Cartwright brothers picked over the dinner which Hop Sing had prepared for them.  There wasn’t any conversation as each of them was caught up in their private memories of their father.  Joe kept glancing over to the head of the table and expected to see Pa sitting there smiling over at him.

“Must eat — Mister Ben would want that,” Hop Sing called out quietly as he made his way out of the kitchen.

“Maybe tomorrow,” Hoss answered and then stood from the table.  “I’m going to my room.”

Adam also stood and he didn’t say a word as he moved to the stairs as well.

Joe sat there feeling more alone than he ever remembered feeling in his life.

“You read letter father leave you, Little Joe?” Hop Sing asked softly.

Joe shook his head and answered, “Pa wanted me to read it when he was dead and he’s not dead.  I know nobody believes me but I know Pa is alive.”

Hop Sing sat down next to Joe and dropped his hand down onto his arm.  “Little Joe, father will always be inside you.  So he not truly gone.”

Joe stared into Hop Sing’s ebony eyes and replied, “He’s inside me – yeah – but he’s alive — somewhere.  I know it.”

Joe walked away from the cook and caregiver and made his way to his bedroom.

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Adam sat at his drafting table in his room and pulled the envelope open.  It was time.  He needed to read what his father had left for him.  Drawing in a deep breath he read the contents.

My Dear Adam, well, I guess if you’re reading this I’m no longer there with you.  But, you know I am a part of you the way you’ve always been a part of me.  Did I ever really tell you how proud I am of you?  I’ve tried to over the years, but, as a father sometimes it’s hard to get my meaning out just the way I intend to.  You know you’ve been at my right hand for so long it’s hard to remember when you weren’t there next to me.  You helped me fashion the Ponderosa into what it is and helped me build the ranch house too.  I remember you there at your first drafting table going so meticulously over the placement of each room in the house.  You were right about it all, though I had my qualms in the beginning.  Then you went on to college and I was so proud of all that you achieved.  And I was so very thrilled that you decided to come back home when I knew that you didn’t have to.  Thank you for all of that, Son.  Thank you for being such a wonderful son, and for helping me with your two very rowdy brothers.  My life is very full knowing that the three of you will stick together no matter what and keep the Ponderosa going long after I’m no longer there in the flesh.  But, be assured that I will be there in the spirit.  I love you, Adam   Your Father.

Adam brushed aside his spent tears and then smiled over what his father had written to him.  He had needed it.  Carefully folding the letter he set it there next to his drafting table and turned for bed.

Hoss pulled off his boots and sat down on the side of his bed.  He reached for the letter that Paul had given to him.  Mopping aside a few drifting tears he opened it and began reading.

My Dear Eric (Hoss) If you are reading this I guess I wasn’t as lucky as I was earlier with that rifle, huh?  I’ve had a very full life, Son.  I don’t want you to spend your time grieving over me.  Hoss, you have filled my life with so much joy it is hard to put into words.  You’ve always had your mother’s heart.  It’s bigger than your stature.  I watch the way you care for all forms of life, and try to make them well again.  You are a natural healer and it shows in the way you nurture critters —both four legged and two!  I’ve been so proud of you, Boy!  And as for the way you watch out for your two brothers – especially when they go head to head —well that’s a gift too, Son!  Never lose that, and never lose the wonder that you’ve always held in your heart over all of God’s greatest gifts.  I know you see the mountains and the streams and all around us with eyes that see more than most people.  I admire that, and I admire you.  I love you so much, Eric, Hoss Cartwright.  Your Father

“I love you too, Pa,” Hoss whispered and tucked the letter under his Bible sitting on the night stand.  He rolled onto his side and wept.

Little Joe Cartwright didn’t open his letter.  He simply placed it up on top of his bureau as if it was old mail.  It had to stay unopened, that way his Pa would still be alive.  Pulling himself out of his suit, Joe crawled into his bed and prayed that he’d not have any nightmares since Pa wasn’t there to help him out of one anymore.

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How They Tried To Continue.

That first awful week since burying their father had gone by as if in slow motion.  The Cartwright brothers found it hard to do much, each seeking their own form of solitude.  Whenever Joe would try to speak up about the way he felt about Pa not really being dead it sent both Adam and Hoss into anger and they stormed away from him each time.  Joe tried his best to get someone to listen to him, but even Hop Sing had told him that he needed to try to accept that Ben Cartwright had moved on to a heavenly realm and that he needed to come to terms with it.  Adam had read Pa’s Last Will and Testament to both of his brothers with neither of them paying much mind to it.  He was beginning to lose patience not just with Joe but with Hoss as well.  Finally, a week after the funeral Adam had requested that they all meet there in the living room after supper.

“Now we have some decisions to make,” Adam announced and settled down into the red leather chair by the fireplace.

Joe’s eyes shot over to his eldest brother and he scowled over at him.  “That’s Pa’s chair, Adam.  What – are you gonna sit there like you’re the one in charge now?”

Hoss shook his head and turned to face Joe.  “Little Joe, I’ve about had it with all of this, and so has Adam.  Pa would be the first person to tell you to stop flaring off at everyone.  Now cut it out and let Adam speak his mind.”

“Oh — so now YOU”RE going to pretend that YOU are in charge, huh?” Joe fired back.

Adam stood and walked over to his youngest brother.  “Now, listen here, Joe, Pa might have ignored your behavior but we’re not going to mollycoddle you like he did!  We’re your brothers not your father.  Now If you want to try to act like an adult we will treat you like one or else just go on up to your room!”

Now enraged by what his brother had said, Joe stormed across to the credenza and strapped on his holster.

“There he goes again!” Adam motioned over to Hoss.  “He’s just going to keep running off whenever it’s time to get around to talking about this ranch.”

“You mean YOUR ranch don’t you, Adam?” Joe yelled from there at the door.

“It belongs to the three of us, you heard what Pa wrote in his Will,” Hoss returned as he stood.

“No – not until I’m of age –remember?  That’s what it said!  I’ve got to listen to my elder brothers.  So, since I’m such a kid there’s no point in me sitting here listening to what you elders have to say.”

“You’re not supposed to be riding because of your ribs, Joe,” Adam called across the room.

“Oh yeah my ribs, I’m sure you’re real torn up about them.  You just had to send Pa that telegraph so that he’d come home.  He never would’ve been on that stage if you hadn’t told him!”

Adam’s face took on a stricken look to it and he had to draw in a deep breath.  Then the anger took over and he made it over to Joe and grabbed his left arm and replied, “If YOU hadn’t fallen then I never would’ve had to send that wire!  And if you hadn’t acted so needy for our Pa’s attention all of the time then maybe he wouldn’t have changed his plans and left so quickly!”

Now it was Joe who looked as though he had been hit in the face.  Sudden tears began to fall from his eyes as he took in what his brother had said.  “Yeah, it’s my fault — it’s all my fault!” Joe shouted and pulled the front door open.  He hurried outside to get away from the looks on his brother’s faces.  Joe pushed aside his tears and headed into the barn to get his horse.  He had to get away from what had been said.  Joe wasn’t all that sure that Adam hadn’t spoken the truth and it ate at his insides.

Hoss walked over to Adam who still stood by the front door.  He put his hand down onto his brother’s shoulder and said, “Adam, you both said things that you shouldn’t have.  I know Joe isn’t making this any easier on any of us, but he’s still a kid.  We both had Pa a lot longer than that boy did and he’s not taking care of himself.”

“I know, Hoss, but I can’t get through to him no matter what I say.  He blames me and then he gets me so angry and I say things that I shouldn’t.  We’ve all got some big decisions to make about this ranch but I need the three of us to talk them over before we decide what to do.”

“Maybe I’ll try talking to him when he gets home.  Let’s just let him cool off awhile.  He’s probably gone up to the grave.”

Adam shook his head and replied, “No, that’s the last place Joe would go because he still says Pa is alive.  Maybe he went into town.  If he’s not back by morning I’ll go find him.”

“We’ll both go,” Hoss nodded and walked back into the living room.

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Adam was right over the fact that Joe hadn’t ended up at the gravesite.  Instead, he rode into Virginia City and to the Silver Dollar Saloon there.  Tossing a dollar down onto the counter Joe took the bottle of whiskey over to a table in the back away from the crowd and poured himself a shot of rotgut.  It had taken three shots before he was starting to calm a bit.  He tried to fight his hurt over all that Adam had said to him.  Hoss hadn’t been much help either and that was unusual as his big brother use to be in his corner, at least most times.  Now he felt just so alone.  He couldn’t help think on what Adam had said about it being his fault that Pa had been summoned home early due to his fall out of the hayloft.  What if that was the truth?  Joe drew in a deep breath and poured another shot of whiskey.  He closed his eyes and could see the image of his father, just as he had dreamed about him almost every single night since he had heard about the accident.  Pa was always there in the dark holding out his hands towards him.  He would make the movements with his lips but Joe couldn’t hear a thing in his dream.  Most nights he’d wake up with a start and wonder if Pa was calling out to him from Heaven.  If that was the case he wondered what Pa was trying to tell him.  Joe couldn’t tell his brothers or even Hop Sing as they all had been very firm about Pa being quite dead.  Joe settled his head down onto his arms and closed his eyes feeling the effects of the rotgut.

“Joe Cartwright, you’ve had enough,” The familiar voice called out.

Joe slowly lifted his head and looked up to see Doc Martin there staring down at him.  “Oh, hi, Doc.  Want a drink?”

Paul shook his head and pulled the bottle away from the boy and replied, “No, I don’t, Young Man, and you don’t need any more either.  Now come on.”  Doc grabbed Joe up by his one good arm.  “You never came in for your re-check and we’re going over to my office right now.”

Joe knew better than to fight with the good doctor, he had tried that before and always ended up with a needle stuck either in his arm or his backside.  Weaving just a bit he made his way outside and across the street to the doctor’s office.

“Hop up here,” Doc patted his examination table.

Joe pulled off his jacket and climbed up on the table.  “I’m okay.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Doc quipped and drew out his stethoscope.  “Now be still so I can listen to those lungs of yours.  I hope you didn’t do any damage riding into town like you were told not to!”

Joe sat quietly and only breathed in and out when he had been ordered to do it.  Then the doctor prodded his ribs and then turned to check the splint on Joe’s right arm.

“Hum — seems to be a bit better.  How bad does it hurt?”

“Not much,” Joe returned sullenly.

“So, what’s hurting so much that you have to go swill up a half of a bottle of whiskey?” Paul asked softly.

Joe looked down to the floor and fought to reply.  “I don’t know.”

Doc pulled his chair over next to the boy and patted his knee.  “Come on, Little Joe, spill it.”

“Doc, it’s my brothers — they’re going on with life just like Pa’s not — well —you know.”

“Joe, your father would want all three of you boys to go on, you know that.  I know it’s tough, and I know how much you loved your Pa.  I also know how much Ben loved you.  We all know that you were the apple of his eye!  It would hurt him so much if he saw you not taking care of yourself because of him,” Doc returned filled with compassion.

Joe gazed into Paul’s eyes and confessed, “I can still see Pa in my dreams, and he’s alive and he’s trying to tell me something.  I just can’t hear him, Doc.  I don’t think my Pa is dead — I would feel something missing from my heart – and I don’t.”

Paul sighed wearily and tried to choose his words very carefully.  He finally responded, “Joe, it’s natural that we still think of those who have passed on, it’s common to have dreams like that.  Maybe your Pa just wants you to know that he’s okay.”

“But he’s NOT okay!  He’s holding his hands out like he’s calling for me but nothing comes out of his mouth.  It’s just so real Doc!”

“Joe, Adam did tell you that the description of the man they found fit your Pa right?  And the man had your Pa’s gold pocket watch in his coat.   Your father’s luggage was recovered.  Joe, I wish there had been a mistake but there’s just no denying that your Pa was in that stage and there were no survivors.  There were five people and five bodies were recovered.  The stage manager confirmed Ben’s ticket was handed over in San Francisco when that stage boarded.  Little Joe, you’ve got to make your peace with this and then maybe those dreams will go away?  Now, did you finally read that letter that Ben left for you?  I heard that Adam and Hoss read theirs and they both told me it helped them.”

Joe shook his head sadly.  “No, Doc, I can’t.  Pa wanted me to read that once he was dead and I don’t think that he is — so I’m not going to read it.”

Doc stood and handed Joe back his green jacket.  Joe climbed down from the table and readied to leave.

“You take it easy riding back to the ranch, Young Man, and I don’t want you on a horse for another week, do you understand?  Those ribs aren’t healed up yet and you don’t want to get hurt worse now do you?  And that splint needs another two weeks as well!”

“I’ll be careful,” Joe replied.

Paul patted Joe on the shoulder as he turned for the door.  “Joe, please rethink reading what your father left for you. I think it will help.”

“Thanks for checking on me, Doc.  Goodbye,” Joe said, avoiding the man’s advice.

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The next morning at breakfast all three Cartwrights sat at the dining table.  Joe looked a little bit worse for wear and all he could manage was a little coffee due to his night of indulging on rotgut whiskey.

“Joe, I’m sorry about what was said last night,” Adam began.

“You can’t take back words, Adam,” Joe whispered, not having any fight left inside of him.

“I know that, but nonetheless, I am sorry,” He returned.  “Is it okay to talk to you and Hoss now?  It’s important.”

“Go on,” Joe nodded over to him.

“The three of us have a big decision to make.  We can either just divide up this ranch three ways and be done with it or we can keep the Ponderosa together.  Pa’s wishes were that the three of us run it together as a family.  But, this is going to have to be a mutual decision.  So, what do you both want to do?”

Hoss drew in a deep breath, thinking on his brother’s words.  “Yeah, Pa would want the three of his sons to keep the Ponderosa going.  It was his life’s work and his legacy.”

Joe pulled his hands up over his eyes and tried to fight the fact that the chair at the head of the dining table was sitting there so awfully vacant.  “I’ll do whatever you two want me to do,” Joe whispered, fighting for control.

“Okay then, we all need to go into full gear to get the trees marked for that trestle.  Also the Desanto company sent confirmation that Pa won that bid for the fir needed for the ships they’re planning on building next spring.  So, we’ve got big jobs ahead.  Now since you can’t ride for a while, Joe, how about helping to bring supplies out to the cow camps in the buckboard?  I can get Fletcher and Cody to help you load and then you’ll just have to deliver them to the two main camps.”

“Okay,” Joe returned quietly.

“Hoss you and I can get started marking those trees, if we put our minds and our backs to it we can get done in a week.  I figure the weather is good right now so if we stay out the whole time and not come home every night we can make up for lost time.”

“That’s fine by me, Adam, I wouldn’t mind sleeping outdoors for a week to clear my head some,” Hoss agreed.

“So we just go on then — like Pa was never here?” Joe asked, and this time he wasn’t trying to pick a fight, just saying what he felt inside.

Adam and Hoss exchanged a knowing glance and turned to look back at Joe.

“No, Little Joe, we go on just as though Pa is here.  You know he’d be barking orders at us left and right if —

“If he hadn’t died,” Joe finished where Hoss left off.

“Pa would keep us busy anyway,” Adam jumped in to help Hoss out.

Joe stood from the table and called over to Adam.  “I shouldn’t have said it was your fault, Adam.  I’m sorry for that,” Joe tried to apologize.

“We both said things that we shouldn’t have, Joe,” Adam nodded.

“Yeah all except for that mollycoddling remark – that part was the truth!” Hoss grinned and reached over and patted Joe’s back.

“Yeah you’re right, Hoss!” Adam smiled over at his two brothers.  “We all know how Joe could twist our Pa around his little finger, right?”

Joe fought to smile but he didn’t have one left inside of him.  He could tell that his brothers were trying to tease him in a playful way, but Joe wasn’t up for that kind of thing at the time.

“I’ll go and get Fletcher to help me ready the first wagon of supplies,” Joe announced and turned for the door.

As soon as they heard Joe leave both older brothers sighed.

“Well, Adam, at least the fire is out of the kid now,” Hoss remarked setting his coffee cup down.

Adam nodded and responded, “Yeah, Joe doesn’t look like he’s got much left of anything inside of him right now.  Maybe he’s starting to realize that Pa really isn’t coming back.”

“I wish that boy would just read that letter Pa left him.  Mine helped me.”

“Mine too, Hoss.  Well, let’s pack our gear and hit the trail.  We’ve got a whole lot of trees to get to!”

The two Cartwright brothers walked away from the dining table with renewed determination.  They wanted to keep the ranch running for their father.  Pa had spent a lifetime raising three sons and turning the Ponderosa into one of the most prosperous ranches in the West.  His sons would have to pick up the slack now and continue with only the memory of their father to spur them on.

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How Could You?

Little Joe had kept busy.  He had taken quite a few buckboard loads of supplies to the main cow camps and helped disperse all of the goods.  That chore only lasted two days and now he found that he had far too much time on his hands.  He knew his brothers wouldn’t be back for several days and he didn’t like the quiet that now permeated the ranch house.  He grew tired of waking up with the same dream constantly haunting him.  Joe wanted to see Pa, though in the dream he was calling out silently and it left him in cold sweats now.  Six days after his brothers had left to go mark trees, Joe woke up with a start and had to fight off the vision of Pa again.  He pulled on his robe and decided to put slippers on his feet, something he rarely did and it had always annoyed his father.  Now he would wear them out of respect.  He pulled his bedroom door open, and, lamp in hand, he proceeded down to his father’s room across the hall.  Joe’s eyes yearningly surveyed the room.  He made it over to Pa’s bed and he noticed that the man had left his robe there up by the headboard.  Joe knew that Pa had taken his “traveling” robe and not his regular one that he wore around the house.  Joe sat there on his father’s bed and pulled the robe up to his face.  It smelled like Pa.  There was the intermingled scent of Bay Rum cologne and pipe tobacco, plus the scent of Ben Cartwright.  Joe closed his eyes and thought on all of the times that Pa had come into his bedroom late at night in order to pull him out of a nightmare.  His father always carried a lamp with him and would rush right in when he heard the screams of his youngest son, the one who was prone to those kinds of things.  Now Joe had no-one to help him from the current persistent dreams which plagued him.  Joe grew suddenly tired and eased back to his father’s pillows.  Pulling the robe on top of him he was soon fast asleep.

That had been the first night since Joe had heard about the accident that he had actually slept through the night.  He was surprised when he awoke to find himself there in Pa’s bed.  He felt a stabbing pain, and this time it wasn’t his one broken and two cracked ribs, it was his heart.  Joe set the robe back down by the pillow after pulling it up to his face one last time.  He crept out of the room, even though there wasn’t anyone to witness what he had done.

Adam and Hoss made their arrival known as they loudly entered the ranch house around ten at night six days after they had left.  Joe was coming down the staircase when he heard them there by the door.

“Did you two get it all done?” Joe asked as he approached his brothers.

Hoss shook his head and tapped his little brother’s shoulder.  “Yeah, Little Joe, it’s all done for now.”

“Hoss, I’ve got to go and get those contracts,” Adam announced, and had yet to say a word to Joe.

“Hello to you too,” Joe frowned over being ignored.

“Oh — yeah — hi Kid!  Adam said and then moved towards the kitchen.

“What contracts, Hoss?” Joe asked.

“The ones that Pa brought home with him,” Hoss returned and stared over at Joe.  “How’s the arm and those ribs?”

“I’m fine,” Joe frowned.  He wanted to see what Adam was up to so he followed him into the kitchen.  Joe walked through the kitchen and out the side door where he spied both Hop Sing and Adam heading into the supply room.  Joe was quick to approach both men and grabbed his brother’s arm to stop his advance further into the supply room.

“Why would contracts be in here?” Joe began.

Adam drew in a deep breath and then stared over at Joe and said, “I put Pa’s luggage out here — but I forgot to get those contracts out.”

“Let me see!” Joe demanded.  He hadn’t gotten to see anything other than a brown casket and the mention of Pa’s gold watch.

“Joe — I don’t think it would be good for you to see these,” Adam announced and shook his head sadly.

“I’m his son too, Adam,” Joe volleyed back insistently.

“But — Joe – listen there’s blood on them — inside and out,” Adam whispered.

“Show me,” Joe said quietly.

Adam and Hop Sing exchanged concerned glances and then pulled out the two large suitcases.  They set them on a table just inside the supply room.

Joe drew inside warily and then his eyes shot down to the blood tinged leather.  He watched as Adam opened each one in search of the contracts which Pa had signed just before leaving San Francisco.  There was even more blood inside the suitcase and Joe had to leave the room.  He made it as far as the side of the barn and then lost his lunch.  Hoss saw what was happening and hurried over to Joe.

“Joe?  Joe you okay?” Hoss asked.

Joe tried to straighten up but couldn’t quite do it.  His ribs hurt, his arm hurt, but worst of all his heart hurt.  If that was indeed Pa’s blood then there was no way that the man could still be alive.  “One of you two should have told me!” Joe said sharply.

“Joe we wanted to spare you all of that,” Hoss explained and tried to get Joe to stand upright again.

“I’m okay,” Joe said angrily and pushed away his tears.  “I still don’t believe Pa is dead —- or else he is and he’s calling me from heaven.  Maybe that’s what he’s doing?”

“Joe sometimes dreams are just dreams.  Now, Boy, we gotta move on.  We all miss our Pa — but he wouldn’t want any of us to give up or mourn like you’re doing.  Somehow we will go on.”

“I can’t go on without Pa,” Joe insisted and walked back into the house.

**********************************************************************************************************************************

“Where has he gone this time, Hoss?” Adam questioned as he stood from the desk.

“Same place he always goes.  He’s up in Pa’s room.”

“Come with me!” Adam announced and the two brothers ascended the stairs.

“Get up, Joe — it’s time you slept in your own room,” Adam said gruffly and tugged at the kid’s arm.

Joe looked over at his two brothers and shot them a very unkind glare.  “I can sleep wherever I want to!”

“Hoss,” Adam said and gave him the “eye” to go and carry the kid.

“Come on now, Short Shanks!”  Hoss called down to the boy and then picked him up and began carrying him out into the hall.

Joe was even madder when Hoss set him down onto his own bed.  He pulled himself up against his headboard and then stared scathingly towards his brothers.

“Joe, this is for your own good.  You won’t read that danged letter our Pa left you and you’re mourning all night for him in that room.  You’ve got to let go, it’s been two weeks now and we all have to get on with our lives the way Pa would want us to.”

“Just because there was blood — it doesn’t mean it was from Pa!”  Joe shouted.  He had been caught up on the sight of the blood soaked luggage ever since he’d seen it.

“Here,” Adam said and reached inside his coat pocket.  He pulled out their father’s gold watch.  “Pa told both Hoss and me that he was set on giving this to you on your twenty-first birthday. We both want you to have it,” Adam announced and handed the boy the gift.

Joe held it in his hand and then he closed the hand into a fist and held it up to his face.  “It’s Pa’s —- it’s not time to give it to anyone!”

“Little Brother, Pa is gone.  Life has to go on.  We’ve got each other and Pa told both of us in our letters to stay together.  That’s what we’re aiming to do,” Hoss whispered.

“He’s not dead,” Joe returned.  He suddenly felt light headed and soon closed his eyes.

Adam leaned over and pulled up the covers after seeing that his brother was fast asleep.  “Well, at least he’s in his own bed now,” Adam whispered to Hoss and they both left the room.

Joe awoke with a start!  The dream became more vivid and still Pa was calling out to him but as was always the case he couldn’t hear his father’s voice.

Joe walked over to the pitcher by the night stand and poured some water.  His eyes glanced down at the pills that the doctor had left with Hoss to give him for pain.  Joe picked them up and opened the bottle.  One had helped him out before, Joe thought.  Maybe a few more would help him to sleep without any dreams.  He poured more water and swallowed the handful of pills.  He wasn’t trying to kill himself.   Joe just wanted to go to Pa wherever he was.   He prayed that Pa would finally say something to him if he showed up in his dream again.

“Did you get the kid up, Hoss?” Adam called over to his brother as he appeared coming from the staircase.

“I thought that we ought to let him sleep awhile.  The boy hasn’t been sleeping too good —with all of these dreams about Pa.”

Adam stood from the table and replied, “I’ll go get him up.  I talked to Hop Sing and he said the kid didn’t eat anything yesterday so I want to make him get some breakfast into him.  We’ve all got our work cut out for us, and the sooner Joe gets well the better it will be for all of us.  Once he can ride again I can work him good so he won’t have time for dreams.”

Drawing open the door, Adam noticed that the bedroom was empty.  He spun around and headed into what had been their father’s bedroom.  There sprawled out on Pa’s bed once again was Little Joe.  Adam noticed the kid was holding Pa’s robe like a security blanket.

“Hey — hey Kid!” Adam sang out loudly and then tried to shake Joe’s shoulders.  He got no response.

“What’s he doing?” Hoss asked as he took a look at what was going on.

“Hoss the kid isn’t asleep.  He looks drugged to me.  Hey — is there any way that Joe could have gotten into those pills that Doc left you to give Joe?”

Hoss wore the picture of worry on his face and rushed into Joe’s bedroom.  He soon returned with the bottle of pills, “Dang it, with all that went on that day and every day since I lost track of these.  I do know I only gave him two.”

“Well I doubt Hop Sing gave him any of those.  How many does it say were in there?”

Hoss read the label and returned, “It says twenty — so there should be eighteen.  Hoss poured the pills into his massive hands and counted.

“Looks like Joe took eight of them.  What do we do now?” Hoss asked with panic in his tone.

“You go send someone for Doc and I’ll try to get some coffee down him.  Let them know what’s happened so they can tell Doc in case he has to bring something to counteract this!”  Adam turned and pulled his little brother up higher in the bed and began soaking cloths in cold water to try to bring him around.

Later that day Doctor Martin sat in the living room of the Ponderosa looking well spent.  He had been there at the ranch tending to Little Joe since early that morning.  Fortunately one of the hired hands spotted his carriage as he made his way from a neighboring ranch so Paul had arrived not long after the two Cartwright brothers had sent for him.  He had forced some very nasty medicine down Joe’s throat and in turn it caused him to vomit up most of what he had swallowed.  The pain pills that he had left were not very strong, so they had that going for them, however taking a handful of those pills, as Joe had done, could have proven to be fatal if Paul hadn’t been there and had known what to do.  Now, since Joe was no longer in danger, Doctor Martin sat in the living room and talked with the two eldest brothers.

“Doc that kid scared us half to death!” Hoss exclaimed.

“I can just imagine.  So you think it was the grief, Boys?”

Adam nodded, “Kid’s been sleeping in Pa’s bedroom.  We forced him back into his own room last night but he must have gotten those pills and gone back into Pa’s room because that’s where we found him.”

“Is he still having those dreams?  He told me about them last week.”

Hoss nodded, “He’s told me about them and both Adam and I have tried to tell him.   He saw Pa’s luggage — blood and all — and I think that might have started this.   Joe just really believed with all of his heart that Pa was alive and now I guess he knows he’s not going to come back.”

“We’ve got to get through to him.  I don’t know if he was trying to kill himself or just make the pain in his heart go away.  Just keep an eye on him.”

“Doc, Hoss and I have our hands full running this place.  We can’t watch the kid all of the time.”

“When you’re gone you put him with Hop Sing.  If it gets too bad I’ll bring him into town with me.  Now I’m going to sit with him because I’m going to fuss at him.  He’ll take it better from me,” Paul cast a knowing smiled towards Hoss and Adam.

Joe had heard it all from Doctor Martin.  He had yelled, he had fussed, and he had let Joe know how angry his father would be at him for almost taking his own life.  Joe promised the Doc that he wouldn’t try that again and apologized for putting him through another emergency.  Paul wasn’t too sure if Joe might just be placating him, but one thing he was sure of and that was that Joseph Cartwright was grieving his self to death.

Adam and Hoss didn’t say much to Joe the next night at dinner but Hop Sing did.  He fussed at him to eat and wasn’t going to take no for an answer.  Joe reluctantly ate his dinner and stared down at his plate.  He didn’t want to see the looks on his brother’s faces.  Finally, once everyone was done eating and had adjourned into the living room it was time.

“How could you!” Adam yelled at the kid.

“How do you think Pa would have felt to know you almost killed yourself?” Hoss entered the match.

Joe simply looked down at the floor and didn’t answer.

“Joe — I’ve told you that you aren’t the only one to be grieving in this house!  We all miss Pa!  Sometimes I can hardly stand to get up in the morning but I do it because I know that’s what Pa would expect of me— and of us!” Adam continued.

“Joe don’t you ever scare us like that again, and I mean it!”  Hoss exclaimed.

Joe just sat in the blue wing-back chair and didn’t say anything which was only making everything worse.  There was no apology, no offer of an act of contrition, just that blank stare down at the floor.

“We have our hands full with this ranch and just as soon as you get that splint off we will be expecting you out there with us, got it?” Adam persisted.

Joe nodded because he thought that was what his brothers wanted from him.

Adam and Hoss exchanged worried glances and cooled down a bit before speaking.

“Was it because me and Adam pulled you out of Pa’s room, Little Joe?” Hoss asked with more calm in his tone.

“No – it’s because I wanted to see Pa — and I needed to hear whatever he’s trying to tell me,” Joe answered and had to push back his tears.

“Joe — listen — I think our Pa is trying to tell you to open that dad gum letter!  If it was that important for him to leave it for each of us then he would expect us all to read them.  Now we aren’t having those dreams.   Only you are having these types of dreams.”

Joe finally looked over at Adam due to what he had said, “Pa is out there somewhere —- and I told you both I won’t open that letter until I have proof that Pa is gone.  I know what everyone has said, I’ve seen the luggage —- I’ve held his watch — but I know he’s not dead.  I would feel empty in my heart and I don’t.  Now, I won’t pull anymore stunts — and I am sorry.  But, I wanted to see Pa and I thought I would.”

“Don’t you even THINK about doing anything that stupid again!  I swear if you thought Pa gave you rough tannings well — just go ahead and push your luck with me!  And I don’t give a hoot that I’m not your father, I’m your big brother and somebody’s got to get you to act right.  Got it?” Adam made his intentions known while shooting the boy his angered gaze.

Joe shook his head and sighed.  He realized that he had put both of his brothers through the mill so if Adam wanted to threaten him with a tanning then he figured he had it coming.  Joe knew deep down that Adam was all talk and that it would never come to that.  Besides all the fight was out of Joe now and he just wanted to lay down in Pa’s room and sleep.

“Okay,” Joe returned and stood from the chair.  “I’m going to bed.  But, I’m telling you both that I’m sleeping in Pa’s room and you’re just going to have to accept that.  I sleep better in there.  Goodnight.”

The two brothers watched as Joe climbed the stairs and retreated into their father’s room.

“Well?”

“I don’t know, Adam, maybe he’s resigned to listening now.  He’s lost all of the fury he usually spouts.”

Adam stood and shook his head wearily and replied, “I don’t know how Pa put up with all of us!  And as for Joe — I just hope we got through to him.”

“Well one thing’s for dang sure,” Hoss smiled and then winked over at his brother. “You sure threaten like Pa!”

Adam laughed, “If I’m like Pa I’m all bark and very few bites —-at least when it came to the three of us!  Okay let’s get some sleep.   We have wasted one day so now we’ve got to go play catch up again.”

************************************************************************************************************************************

How The Search Began

The two eldest Cartwright brothers had their hands full.  They had marked the trees for cutting but that was only a small part of the big job.  They needed to hire seasoned loggers in order to do the cutting and hauling of the timber that would go for the trestle and also for the shipping company.  They had to job out the cattle drive to professional drovers, many who had been with the family for years.  Piece by piece the ranch was getting glued back together, however it had a big void right there in the center, at the heart of the family where Pa had always been.  He had been the rock that all of his boys had depended on for so many things.  Adam and Hoss talked often of the various ways that Pa had made their lives easier and yet was tough on them when needed.  They knew that they had been blessed just to have had a father like that, and though they missed him, they carried on like he was still around watching their every move.

That left Little Joe.  He had finally gotten the splint off of his arm and his ribs healed as well.  But, the boy couldn’t hide his broken heart.  Everything his brothers had asked him to do he accomplished without any complaint.  It had, in fact, shocked both Adam and Hoss to see their brother so downright compliant.  Joe still spent his nights in his Pa’s room always holding on to that robe.  He still had the same dream about Pa silently trying to call out to him but Joe never told anyone, not even Hop Sing.  If he had tried to tell them Joe figured that they’d assume it was once again because he had refused to open the letter that Pa had left for him.

Joe would never be able to explain why he had so suddenly packed up his bedroll and scrawled that note which he left on Pa’s desk for his brothers.  He had also gone to the Virginia City bank and withdrawn his life savings.  It was only a paltry four hundred dollars, but enough to get him by for a while.  And so, once he had seen his brothers leaving for work, Little Joe Cartwright mounted Cochise and rode away from the Ponderosa.  At that time he really couldn’t say where he was going or if he’d be back.  He was going to let his heart lead him; or at least what was left of it.

“Well, what do you want to do about this?” Adam asked holding the note which he’d found there on Pa’s desk.

Hoss shrugged his shoulders, not knowing what either of them should do about Little Joe’s departure.  “Gosh, Adam, I just don’t know.”

“Well, I think that we ought to give him some space.  Let him test his wings a bit to see if he can fly or not.  We can’t run around the countryside looking for the kid if he doesn’t want to be here.”

“I know what Pa would’ve done,” Hoss remarked as he settled down in the chair next to the desk.

“Yeah, Pa would’ve gone out after him and dragged him home and then given him a tanning!”

“Well — he’d have surely threatened it — I doubt it would have gone down that way,” Hoss nodded.

“He said he’d send us a wire when he could.  Let’s just give it a little while, Hoss.  We’ve just got to get our work done we can’t risk all that Pa fought so hard to build.  We’ve lost enough time already.  These contracts have a hefty late fee if we don’t get that lumber delivered on time.  Besides, Pa raised that boy, just like he did us.  Joe isn’t stupid he knows how to take care of himself.”

“Pa raised us all to know how to take care of ourselves that’s true — but we are talking about Little Joe here.  That kid sure can get himself into fixes!”

“Well, if he needs us he knows where to find us. So are we in agreement?”

Hoss sighed and then finally nodded over to Adam and returned, “Yeah, guess so.  If we haven’t heard from the kid in a week or so then I’ll go try to find him.  Hopefully he’ll be back after he gets some of the grief out of his system.”

“One thing’s for sure,” Adam smiled wryly.

“What?”

“He’s not sleeping in Pa’s bed tonight!”

Hoss looked towards the stairs and thought about there being two Cartwrights that were now no longer there at the Ponderosa.  “Little Joe will be back — I know he will,” Hoss said, hoping that he would be proven to be correct.

***********************************************************************************************************************************

Joe spread out his bedroll after he had seen to the care of his horse.  He eagerly readied the coffee and sat down next to the campfire.  Deep down Joe felt so lonesome that he wasn’t sure he could stand another night by himself.  He had traveled a lot of miles in the five days since leaving the ranch, and he missed it along with his brothers.  Foremost he missed his Pa.  The Ponderosa wasn’t the Ponderosa without Ben Cartwright.  It didn’t feel much like home anymore, though he did love both Hoss and Adam.  Pa was the glue that had always held all three sons together and without him it was all falling apart now.   Joe knew that he had been more of a hindrance to his two brothers than a help during the last month and he felt guilty because of it.  He knew he should be proud of both Adam and Hoss for having the strength of character to forge ahead and tend to the ranch instead of falling apart as he had done.  But, they believed that Pa was dead, and Joe still didn’t.  Though there were times when he would worry that it was all just wishful thinking on his part, and that perhaps, Pa was really gone.  But, then the dream would come back and it would feel so real that Joe knew it couldn’t be anything other than a sign that his father was truly alive somewhere.

Joe leaned back against his saddle and thought on the town of River Crossing where he’d be by the following day.  He needed to talk to that mortician who had prepared the body that had been recovered.  Joe knew that his brothers would have asked the same questions that he was preparing to ask, but he had to hear the answers first hand from the man.  If that didn’t provide much in the way of positive identification then Joe was fully prepared to go all the way to San Francisco.  Though he realized that if his brothers had even the slightest doubt whether it had been Pa’s body that they had claimed they would have already gone to the coast to check on its authenticity.   Still, neither of them had awakened almost every single night to the vision of their Pa as Joe had.  There had to be a reason for that, Joe presumed, other than the fact that he missed his father more than he could put into words.

*** Pa, if you’re out there somewhere why don’t you tell me?  Why don’t you just say something in my dreams?  Pa, if you’re dead then tell me that you are — and if not please — please help me to find you! *** Joe prayed and then pulled up his blanket and tried to go to sleep.  At least in slumber he would still feel his Pa’s presence.

************************************************************************************************************************************

Theodore Grimes studied the well- worn tintype picture of Ben Cartwright that Joe Cartwright had handed him.  He frowned as he cast a quick glance down at the young man.  “Sonny, just like I told your brothers your Pa was in bad shape when he was brought to me to get prepared for burying.  That stage plummeted a far piece and rolled a half dozen times from what I was told.  Then, on top of that most of the passengers were thrown out and the area was full of rocks and boulders.  And then there was that fierce storm which sent the stagecoach over that incline to begin with.  I don’t want to get graphic on you like this but I think you need to consider all of those things.  There were five people on that stage including the driver.  There were two women, a rather short portly fellow, the driver who was not nearly as tall as your father and a man who fit your father’s description and had his coat, watch and luggage.  I know you miss your father and don’t want to admit that he’s gone but after a month you’d best get to your mourning.  You’re not helping yourself none by looking for the dead amongst the living.”

“But can you tell me absolutely that the man who you put in that casket was my Pa or not?”  Joe continued to try to get a straight answer.

“To the best of my knowledge it was.  I’ve been tending to the dearly departed for better than forty years, Boy.  I’d say that was your father,” He nodded.

“Where did they find his watch — the gold pocket watch?”

“Inside pocket of his suitcoat was where I was told it was.  I gave that to one of your brothers.”

Joe looked down at the ground and fought off his tears.  That was always where his Pa used to carry his watch, something he knew for a fact.  Whereas some men carried their pocket watches in their trousers, Ben Cartwright never had.  “Thank you for your time,” Joe said sadly.

“I’d say your father would want you to join up with your brothers, Young Man,” The mortician responded feeling sorry for the brokenhearted boy there before him.

Joe simply nodded and walked back to get Cochise from the livery stable.  He would have to think on his next step.  Joe was starting to get the feeling that his search was now over.

***********************************************************************************************************************************

Joe had begun to head back towards Nevada that day but the weather turned on him and he sought a place in order to wait out the raging storm.  He was fortunate to find a large overhanging bluff shelter just big enough to hold Cochise and him.  Joe pulled on his slicker and made sure that his horse was well out of the elements.  He leaned against the face of the rock wall and closed his eyes.  Joe hated to admit defeat, especially this kind.  He would have walked across the hottest desert or climbed the steepest mountain just to find his Pa but now that search had ended.  Joe figured that now he would no longer dream of the one man he loved more than his own life.  He decided that once he had made it home that he would have to go read the letter that Pa had left him.  Joe allowed himself to cry it all out and then hoped that sleep would take him over.  As large drops of rain pelted against the shallow cave which had provided him some shelter the sound lulled him into slumber.

*** Pa was there.  It was dark.  He held out his hands motioning towards his son.  The lips moved and yet there was no sound.  Joe strained his ears and tried to draw closer to his Pa.  With each step he took towards his father it seemed like he was pulled farther away from the man.  Joe began to run trying to defeat whatever was keeping his Pa from his grasp.  That hadn’t worked either.  Right before Pa disappeared from his sight Joe heard one solitary word, “Joseph”***

Joe jumped up and almost slid down into the stream of water below.  He had to catch the breath which had been stolen from him in his dream.  Then the thunder shook his rock laden shelter making Cochise whinny loudly.

“Joseph,” Joe whispered to himself.  He wondered if it had been his Pa’s voice, or simply the sound of the storm which still was raging.  ***No!  It was Pa! *** Joe thought to himself and decided that his search was far from over.

The storm which had raged all night had left a clear blue sky in its wake.  Joe mounted Cochise and turned back in the opposite direction from the day before.  He made it into Stockton and took the time to send word to his brothers that he was well and that he needed more time.  Joe didn’t mention anything about his plan to go on all the way to the coast.  He just didn’t want them to worry or head out to look for him.  The haunting sound from his dream forced him westward.  He had to cling to the fact that if Pa had tried to reach out to him in his dream that surely he would call him “Joseph” as he had most of his life.  And, though it was only one solitary word, it was exactly what he would have expected to hear from his father.

************************************************************************************************************************************

Joe had forced himself to be practical and in Stockton he had asked around and the owner of one of the livery stables pointed out a man who could help him with his problem.  After introducing himself to the cowboy who had been standing just outside the door of the main office of the livery, Joe explained what kind of a job he had to offer.

“So you want me to take this here pinto back to your ranch in Nevada?” The middle- aged bronc buster asked as he checked out the horse.

“Yeah, I live on a ranch close to Virginia City called the Ponderosa.  You can’t miss it when you get close to Lake Tahoe just about anyone you meet could point the place out,” Joe nodded.

“Well, I don’t mind the ride and all – but how much is it worth to you?”

Joe patted the neck of his beloved horse and said, “This horse means a lot to me, Mister she’s just about the best friend I’ve got.  But, there’s someone in my family who needs me and I’ve got to take the stage west to San Francisco to get to them.  Can you help me out?”

“It’ll cost you fifty dollars, Joe,” The man answered.

Joe nodded and opened his billfold that was getting thinner by the day.  He had already purchased a ticket on the noon stage for San Francisco, and would need some money once he got to the port town.  “How soon can you get her home, Mister Billings?”

“Name’s Roy, Kid,” He smiled over at Joe.  “I can leave in the morning and will take her straight there.  I can have your horse back at your ranch by the end of the week if there’s no bad weather.”

Joe shook the man’s outstretched hand and handed him the money.  He patted his horse’s neck and replied, “Thanks, Roy.  You can ask for either Adam or Hoss Cartwright once you get to the main house.  They’ll even put you up for a night or more if you need it.”

Roy took the pintos reins and asked, “What’s this horse’s name?”

Joe smiled and patted his horse one last time and said, “Cochise.  Just take good care of her please.”

Roy nodded to the boy and said, “I’ll treat her as good as I treat my own horse.  I know how you feel kid — my horse is just about my best friend too.  Don’t you worry none.  I’ll board her here at the livery overnight with my horse and leave first thing in the morning.

“Thanks – well I gotta run if I’m going to make the noon stage!” Joe sang out and grabbed his saddlebags slinging them over his shoulder.  He cast one parting glance at Cochise and headed down to the Overland Stage Depot.  Joe hated to leave his horse with a stranger, as he loved the animal, but he loved his Pa far more and he needed to find out if he was still alive.  Though he wasn’t happy to be taking a stage, Joe knew that he’d make better time than if he tried to ride Cochise all the way to the coast.  Throwing caution to the wind, Joe was heading to San Francisco no matter what.

************************************************************************************************************************************

How The Search Ended

Hoss heard the knock on the front door first and called across the room to Adam.  “I’ll get it!”

Adam stood from his father’s desk and walked towards the living room.  He had been busy doing the payroll and the interruption was a welcomed one.  Adam didn’t mind paperwork, but he had done an evening’s worth already and he was tired.

Hoss pulled the door open before his brother had made it all the way across the room.

“Howdy, is your name Cartwright?” The man asked as he stood just there in the doorway.

“Yes, Sir,” Hoss replied and offered an outstretched hand to the stranger.

“The name’s Roy Billings and I’ve got a horse to deliver to you and – I guess you’re Adam, right?” Roy said as the eldest son came into view.

“Yes,” Adam nodded and shook the man’s hand as well.  “What horse?”

“Out here,” Roy pointed to the front hitching post.

Hoss and Adam walked out to see their little brother’s horse tied up at the hitching post closest to the porch.

“How’d you get her?” Hoss asked as he inspected Cochise to be sure the horse was okay.

“Your brother Joe — he paid me to bring her here to the two of you.”

“Where is he?”  Adam asked warily.

“He’s heading to San Francisco so he needed someone to bring his horse on home.”

“Where did you see him?” Adam pressed the man for answers as to what his little brother was up to.

“Stockton – he was catching a stage when I last saw the kid.  Joe did say that maybe you two could put me up for the night?” Roy asked as he was worn out from the long ride.

Hoss smiled over to the man and nodded.  “Sure — that’s not a problem.  Let me take your horse and my brother’s horse and get them settled.  Adam, get this man something to eat.”

“How was my brother when you saw him, Mister Billings?”

“Just call me Roy,” he nodded over at Adam as the two men walked back inside the ranch house.

“Roy – was the kid okay?  I mean he wasn’t hurt or anything?”

Roy shook his head and returned, “I didn’t get to know him real well, but from what I saw he seemed okay.  He looked a little tired but other than that the kid was doing alright.”

“Sorry – just haven’t seen the kid in a while and we’ve been worried,” Adam explained.

“I got me a kid brother too,” Roy smiled as Adam led him to the dining table.  “Of course my little brother is almost fifty now, but I still think of him as a kid.”

Adam laughed and said, “I’ll probably feel the same way when Joe’s older.  But right now he’s just seventeen and he’s trying to look for something that he’ll never find.”

“What’s that?”

“My father — he was in a stage accident better than a month ago – he died.  Joe is out there trying to find him because he can’t accept the fact that our father is gone.”

Roy frowned and replied, “Poor kid – wish I’d known that.  I wouldn’t have charged him as much as I did.  Maybe you can give him some of it back for me?  I got fifty off of the boy.”

Adam shook his head and said, “No, you got his horse home, and trust me, Cochise is a part of this family and worth a whole lot more than that to my brother.  Now let me get you something to eat and we’ll put you up for as long as you need, Roy.  We’ve got plenty of room.”

Roy was content being out of the elements and felt very comfortable with both of Joe’s brothers.  He decided he’d spend a night or two with them before heading back towards Stockton.  He said a silent prayer for the boy whose pinto was now safe and sound.  Roy hoped Joe would come back to the brothers who quite obviously missed him.

************************************************************************************************************************************

When Joe Cartwright disembarked from the stage he didn’t waste any time in talking to the man who was there inside of the Overland Stage Office.  After introducing himself, Joe asked for whoever was in charge and the man at the ticket counter pointed out a man standing next to a desk in the far end of the room.

“Mister Gant?  The man at the window said you’re the man I need to talk with.  My name is Joe Cartwright,” Joe introduced himself and shook the other man’s hand.

“How can I help you, Son?” The man in the fine tweed suit asked as he took a seat behind his desk.

“The stage for Virginia City that had that accident five weeks ago —- they say that my Pa was on it.  I need to know for a fact if he really boarded it or not.”

“Boy, that was quite a while ago but I can tell you if he turned in a ticket or not.”

“Is there anyone here who would be able to say if they saw him get on?” Joe asked and he pulled out the tintype of his father and held it up.

Mister Gant sighed deeply.   He could read the anxiousness in the boy’s eyes.  He looked through his paperwork to see who was on duty on the day of the stagecoach crash.  Finding the list of who was on at the teller window that morning he looked up at Joe.

“That man who you talked to a minute ago — he was working that day.  You might talk to him, Son.  But, I was told that all five people on that stage were positively identified.”

“I –I just have to be sure,” Joe replied adamantly.

“Come with me,” Mister Gant offered and stood and walked over to the ticket window.  Joe followed closely and listened carefully as to what was being said.

“Show him the picture, Joe,” Mister Gant said to the boy.

Joe handed over the picture of his Pa and waited hopefully.

“Can’t say or not – I do kind of remember selling this man a ticket – I was on late duty the night before.  I remember that Jeff was off because he was sick so I did a double shift that night and morning.  It might have been him that day – can’t say positively but that ticket was handed in.  I checked every ticket and when we found out about the crash I went over it all with the regional stage manager.  He kept all of the receipts after the crash.  But, I remember before we sent that wire about the accident we had to verify everyone who was on the stage so their kin could be notified.”

Joe sighed and shook his head sadly.  He had hoped he might get lucky and the man would say that whoever had gotten on that stage surely wasn’t the man in the tintype.

“Well, that’s your answer, Boy,” Mr. Gant said and watched how the news hit the kid.  He felt sorry for the boy who just couldn’t let go of the fact that his father had perished along with four other people.  “I’m awful sorry for your loss.  Is there anything I can do for you?  Do you need a ticket somewhere — I’d be happy to get it for you at no cost?”

Joe stuck the tintype back inside his jacket and fought his tears when he answered the man, “No, Sir, I’m not going anywhere just yet.  Thank you for trying.”

Mr. Gant patted the boy’s back and then watched as he walked away.  Joe’s slumped shoulders told the story of how he had taken the information he had been given.

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Joe’s next stop was the closest police station.  He remembered a year ago when his father and brother Hoss had gone to San Francisco with him and they had searched for two of their hired hands who had been shanghaied and Pa had sought out the help of the local law enforcement.  He had remarked that Sheriff Roy Coffee in Virginia City was a much better lawman than the police sergeant who he had asked for help from that day.  However, there was a different matter this time and Joe hoped that maybe there might be a better outcome.  So far he had no other clues that might point him to anyone who had seen Pa the day that the stage had departed.

The desk sergeant looked up at the young man in the green jacket.  He could tell that it wasn’t a local boy from the garb he wore and the Colt revolver that was slung there at his left side.

“Sergeant, I could use some help.  My name is Joe Cartwright and I’m from Virginia City.”

“Okay, what’s your trouble, Boy?” The man asked wearily.  He had enough desk work to keep him busy for his entire shift and wasn’t eager to deal with anyone else’s problems.  But, he could see the young man had a desperate look on his face so he decided to placate him.

“My father — his name is Ben Cartwright.  I was told he was on the Overland Stage to Virginia City five weeks ago — the one that crashed.  But, I don’t believe that it was him.  I was wondering if you’ve had reports of any crimes committed around that stage depot where he would’ve boarded.  Maybe someone did something to my Pa and took his ticket and got on that stage?”

Sighing after hearing the boy’s tale, the sergeant answered, “Son, it sounds to me like you’re just having a hard time dealing with the fact that your father died.  Now why don’t you go on home?”

Angered by what the man said, Joe slammed his fist on the desk and forced his gaze on the officer and returned, “I just want to know if there’s been any crimes near that area – maybe someone reported something?  Can you at least check?”

“Now, listen to me, Boy, if there were any crimes committed in that area I would know about them.  I wouldn’t have to look them up.  That’s my precinct and I keep up with it!  I’ve not even had a pickpocket reported around the stage depot!  It’s well lit up and I’ve got a policeman on the beat right on that corner.  Now, I’ve got a mountain of paperwork to do.  Go on about your business.”

Joe turned and walked out angrily.  Now he knew how Pa had felt when he couldn’t get help finding Hamp or Johnny that day!  He headed down the street in search of the hotel where Pa had stayed.  His luck had to change sometime, or so Joe hoped.

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After inquiring at several local bars, Joe finally got directions to the Luxor Hotel and he walked the four blocks to find it.  Entering the lobby Joe could see it was a very grand hotel, much more elaborately furnished than the International House there in Virginia City and he could see why Pa had decided to stay there for the two weeks while he worked on the contracts.  Joe ambled up to the front desk and began once again to explain the reason for his visit.

“Here’s my Pa’s picture.  He stayed two weeks about a month ago,” Joe explained to the desk clerk.

The man smiled over at the young man and said, “I certainly remember Ben Cartwright!  He was a very nice man – very cordial.  You said you’re trying to find out what happened to him?  Didn’t you hear about the stagecoach crash, Young Man?”

“Yes, Sir – but I’ve still got questions about whether my Pa was really on it.  I don’t think that they positively identified him.  Can you tell me how he was the last time you saw him?”

Drawing in a deep breath and keeping his eyes trained on the boy, knowing he was grasping at straws.  Still, he felt sorry for the kid so he chose his words carefully.  “I saw him check out, Young Man, and he paid his bill and said he’d be back when he next came to San Francisco.  He was a very kind man and he always tipped everyone very well.  We all heard about the accident and were so sorry that he — well that he passed away.”

Joe stared down at the floor and once again fought his tears.  He had to draw from his inner strength, or what was left of it.  “But, he was okay?  I mean when he checked out?”

“Yes, Son he was.  How about getting a room for the night?  It’s getting very late and you look awfully tired.”

Joe looked inside his billfold and looked up at the desk clerk.  “How much is it for a night?”

“I’ll be happy to give you a little discount since we’re not all that busy. How about twenty dollars, do you have enough?”

Joe nodded and handed the man his money.  “Could I — well could I stay in the room where my Pa slept?”

The desk clerk went through his records and came upon the room where the boy’s father had spent the two weeks.  He looked up and smiled at Joe.  “Here you are, he said handing the boy a key.  It’s room seven just at the top of those stairs over there.  Just go down the hall and you’ll find it there on the left.”

Joe nodded and thanked the man and then headed to the room where his father had allegedly spent his final night on earth.  Upon opening the door to the hotel room Joe checked out the quarters.  It seemed a bit more elegant than his Pa usually liked, but he figured that Pa might have entertained some of the men who had been responsible for granting his father the contracts.  Joe touched each piece of furniture and closed his eyes and tried to envision his Pa there in the room.  Slowly he walked into the bedroom and made it over to the large four poster bed went to lie down.  He had both a grueling and disheartening day and now he was weary.  After only taking time enough to remove his boots, Joe soon was fast asleep there in the bed where Pa had last lay down his head.

***Pa was there.  He held out his hands.  His mouth moved but there was no sound.  Joe fought to get closer to his father but he kept moving farther and farther away into the blackness which surrounded him.  Joe screamed out to Pa and tried to draw closer but to no avail.  He screamed out to the man but the only word he heard was “Joseph!”***

Joe sprang up in his bed and fought to catch his breath.  This dream was even more realistic than the last and he was absolutely sure that the sound he had heard was his Pa’s voice.  Pa just had to be alive somewhere!  Joe pulled his boots back on and grabbed his jacket and holster and hurried out of the hotel room.  He stopped briefly there at the front desk and told the clerk to hold his room.  Joe wasn’t sure how long he’d be gone but he needed to know that the room would still be his when he did get back.  The clerk had assured the boy that no-one would touch his belongings and that the room would be held for him.  Joe thanked the man and felt compelled to head out into the dark streets of San Francisco.

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Joe was wary of the Barbary Coast, however he thought he might show Pa’s picture around and that just maybe someone would offer up some information.  He checked numerous bars and taverns and almost every bartender challenged his age and said that they didn’t think he was old enough to be in their establishments asking any questions.  By the time that Joe had been kicked out of the fourth bar he began walking the boardwalk.  He kept a watchful eye out on anyone who might want to perhaps knock him over the head in order to fulfil their quotas on unwilling deckhands.  Joe kept his left hand down there at his side resting against his Colt just in case he’d encounter trouble.

Hours passed and Joe’s heart grew heavy thinking on the foolishness of his search.  Everyone had said it, Pa was dead.  Hoss and Adam believed it.  Joe wondered why he just kept insisting that Pa was still alive.  The teller sold Pa the ticket and it had been turned in on the morning that the stage had left for Virginia City.  The description of the body matched, the mortician was certain.  Everyone was adamant that Ben Cartwright had been killed five weeks ago.  Joe settled down onto a bench there at the wharf and stared out at the water that splashed over the sea wall.  He heard the calls of fisherman and the rowdy sounds of sailors on leave.  Joe sat just underneath a gas lantern and dropped his head down.  As the spray of the ocean and the moisture from the encroaching fog reached out to envelope him, all that he could feel was the dampness of the tears which fell from his eyes.  It was time to finally confess that all of his dreams had been just wishful thinking which had invaded his sleep.  Pa was dead.  All that he had left was a letter and the comfort of his father’s robe laying there on his bed at the ranch house.  Joe let the tears fall, he didn’t care if passersby saw them.  The gas light began to flicker and go out, and still Joe just sat there.

“Laddie Buck, ar ye lost, Boy?” A man asked as he approached the quiet figure on the bench.  The man had a string of fish in his right hand and a net in the other one.

Joe shook his head and replied, “No, Sir.  I’m not lost.”

“Then what ails you – sure-in you look as though you’ve not a friend in this wide world!”

Joe wiped at his nose to push away the tears which had grown in number over the last few minutes.  “My Pa — I thought he was alive — but I guess I was just trying to wish it so — he’s gone,” Joe finally admitted and it made his body go cold.

“Oh you poor lad, I’m terribly sorry to hear such a tale as that!  How long have you been sitting out here by your lonesome?”

Joe shrugged his shoulders and returned, “I – I don’t know, Sir.  I guess a couple of hours.”

“Well now you’re going to come with me and we’re going to get you something to eat!” The man insisted and pulled Joe up by the elbow.

“I – I haven’t got much money,” Joe announced.

The man laughed and said, “Kevin O’Leary – the very man you see before you — never let someone go hungry.  You’re a growing boy and you need a hot meal.  Now you come along and don’t you dare offer me a cent or I’ll be mortally offended.  Now up with you!  The Tavern is just a block away and it’s got the very best clam chowder you’ll taste this side of heaven.”

Joe didn’t want to go and he didn’t want to sit with people.  He just wanted to sit by the wharf and think of his Pa.  Ben Cartwright had always loved the sea and Joe thought that it was a fitting place to think about Pa’s sailing days and all the tales that he had told his sons about it over the years.  But the man was persistent and Joe finally caved and walked down the boardwalk with Kevin O’Leary.

Soon both Joe and Kevin were walking inside the Brady Tavern.  The place was full with patrons, most of which looked like sailors or fishermen.  Kevin moved Joe over to the bar and made him sit there next to him.

“Why Kevin O’Leary we’d about given you up for the dead!” A bartender called out as he drew up a draft for the man and set it in front of him.

“I thank you kindly and here are my fish – so we’ll be doing some trading this night!” Kevin said and handed the fish over the bar to the man.

“And who might you be?” The bartender asked looking over at the boy sitting next to Kevin.

“My name is Joe — Joe Cartwright, Sir,” Joe answered quietly.

“No my name is not sir — you call me Michael – that’s me name – Michael Brady and this here is me tavern.  Now you don’t look old enough for any ale – so how would you like a good cup of tea?”

Joe nodded and said, “I would like that.”

“Molly!” Michael shouted across the noisy room.  “Lass bring this boy a cup of tea will you?”

A few sailors turned when they heard what Michael had said and they stood and approached Joe.  “This boy needs to be home with his parents!  Did you sneak out when they weren’t looking?” One big mouthed sailor exclaimed laughing at Joe.

*** Parents?  I haven’t got any parents!  I never even knew my mother and I’ve just lost the only parent I ever had, you stupid idiot! *** Joe thought and full of anger he brought himself off of the bar stool.  Standing there in front of the sailors his hand fell down to his Colt.  “I’m not a boy and I’d advise you against any more of that teasing,” Joe announced angrily.

“Now you all go about your business or I’ll be getting out me shillelagh!” Michael yelled over to the sailors and they moved back to the table where they had been sitting.

Joe sat back down as the waitress handed him over a cup of tea.  “Thank you, Ma’am,’ Joe nodded to the woman.

“Me name’s Molly, I’m Michael’s wife.  And what might your name be?”

“My name is Joe – Joe Cartwright,” Joe announced and heard a commotion coming from the back of the room.

“What is it, Michael?” Molly called when she spotted her husband over in the corner of the tavern.

“Why it’s the old Bard!  Sarah said he spoke for the first time!  Would you imagine that!  Saints praise the angels — we thought the poor man was mute!”

Molly walked closer to her husband, but the crowd prevented her from making it all the way over so she yelled over the noise, “What did the old Bard say, Michael?”

Michael asked Sarah and then called to his wife.  “Sarah said he whispered “His name is Joseph” and that was all!”

Joe turned after hearing what the bar owner had yelled across the room.   He wondered if he had heard right.  Standing from his bar stool he made it halfway across the room where he met back up with Molly.

“I’m sorry — did you say someone said something about Joseph?”

Molly nodded and replied, “Sure-in the man there in the corner.  Poor man we thought was born mute.  My daughter Sarah said just a minute ago he said “his name is Joseph.  Funny that was right when I was asking you about what your name was.”

“Joe!  Joe your chowder is up here at the bar!” Kevin called across the room.

“He said it again, Michael!” Molly sounded out with joy after making it over to where her husband stood in the back of the tavern still.

“The Bard just said again “his name is Joseph!” I don’t have an idea what he’s saying but at least he’s saying something,” Michael said once more.

Joe’s heart raced as he frantically pushed the customers out of the way and headed to where both Michael and Molly were standing around a table.  It was much too dark to see anyone else except those two gathered around.

His veins coursing with a rush of adrenaline with each step that he took, Joe finally reached the back wall of the tavern.  He gently eased Molly away from the table and there before his stunned eyes sat Ben Cartwright!

Joe felt as though he was going to faint dead away just as soon as his father’s face came into view.

“His name is Joseph,” Ben whispered just barely audible.

Joe pushed aside everyone from around his father and rushed to where he sat.  Throwing his arms around the man’s neck, he hugged Pa as he cried tears full of relief and gladness.

“Pa!  Pa— you’re alive — I knew you were — I just knew it!” Joe exclaimed and refused to let his father out of his embrace.

“Joseph,” Came Pa’s faint whisper as his left hand made it around the boy’s shoulder and he tried to pull him to his chest.

Joe couldn’t stop crying and he couldn’t help thinking that it was yet another dream and that he would wake up and his father would be gone again.  He hadn’t missed that the one word that the man was able to say was the same word he had heard several times in his dream, “Joseph”.   He could feel the man’s arm around him but Pa seemed so frail that it worried Joe and he eased back for fear of hurting him.

Joe’s voice shook as he turned to ask Michael, “What’s wrong with my father?”

“This is your Dad?  Well I’ll be saying some extra prayers tonight, me Boy!  We’ve called this man “Bard” ever since we found him bruised and bloodied on the dock not far from here.  In fact the man you came in with saved him from sure death.  But, he’s not been able to talk—so we weren’t at all sure if he was born a mute.  And he couldn’t write anything since his hand is injured.  He’s also had a good sized lump to his head.  We’ve just tried to care for him as we didn’t know what would befall him if we just turned him out.”

Joe’s shaky left hand reached up and gently stroked his father’s cheek.  He smiled over at him and said reassuringly, “It’s going to be alright, Pa.  I’m going to get you to a doctor and we’ll get you all fixed up.”

Ben nodded over at his boy.  There were tears in his eyes as he looked at his youngest.  He wished that he could have told Joseph how he was feeling and how much he wanted to take the boy into his arms.  But, he wasn’t well and it had taken all the effort he could muster just to say his boy’s name.  Pa had heard Joe’s voice when his son had introduced himself up at the bar and he somehow found the strength to get those few words out.”

“Will someone please help me get my Pa to a doctor?  I’ve got some money and I’ll get some more — I just have to get him somewhere that they can help him,” Joe pleaded.

Kevin came over and had a broad smile on his face to hear that the boy he had brought in had found the father he had given up for dead.  “Well you found your pater did you, Boy?  I’d say that is a miracle if I’ve ever heard of one.  If you don’t mind your father riding in a milk wagon I believe we can get old Bard here to a doctor up the road about ten miles.  What do you say, Lad?”

Joe smiled and nodded over to Kevin and answered, “My Pa and I would be glad to get on a milk wagon!”  Joe turned and looked over to Michael and asked, “Why did you call my Pa the Bard?”

“It’s just a wee bit of fun we were having – maybe at his expense.  But it was good natured I can assure you.  A bard is a teller of tales and this Bard couldn’t tell us any.  Of course that was until tonight when you walked in!  Now let’s get you that help that you’ll be needing!”

“Mister Brady, I owe you and your family and Mister O’ Leary so much.  As soon as I get home I’ll be sure to pay you for all that you did for my Pa.  He means the world to me — and to my brothers.  I — I just want to thank you,” Joe paused and wiped at his spent tears.  His heart was filled with so much joy that he couldn’t contain it.  He was also filled with gratitude for several perfect strangers who had cared for his father when the man had no-one and couldn’t even speak.

“Aye it’s just like that tale of the Good Samaritan, Me Boy!  Now I’ll not need anything other than to know that your pater is well and home with his boys!”

“Blast your talking, Michael!” Kevin smiled as he came back inside the tavern and sang out, “I’ve got that milk wagon let’s be on our way to get the old Bard taken care of!”

Michael and Joe slowly walked Pa out of the tavern and there was a round of applause by all of the patrons.  Joe’s heart was so full that he thought it would burst.  It seemed like just as he had totally given up on ever finding his Pa that divine intervention had other plans.  Now Pa would need help in getting better and Joe would see that he got it.  And, once he knew that Pa was going to be alright there was the matter of sending his brothers a rather shocking telegraph.  Joe helped Michael and Kevin load Pa inside the milk wagon and then crawled in alongside of him.  He waved over to the two men as the wagon began its journey down the long road that led to the local doctor’s office.  Joe sat there next to Pa and held his left hand inside his own.

“It’s going to be alright, Pa.  I’ll make sure of it.  We’ve missed you more than you’ll ever know.  I—I knew you couldn’t be dead,” Joe stopped as tears formed in his eyes again.  Pa looked thinner and still a bit battered.   Joe noticed the bandage that he wore encircling his right hand and also a bandage which was wrapped around his head.  But, he was alive and Joe had confidence that God wouldn’t have allowed him to find his father only to let him die.  “We’ll be there soon, Pa, don’t worry.” Joe said and felt his father squeezing his left hand.  He looked into Pa’s eyes and saw the tears inside of them.  He could feel in his heart exactly what his father was trying to say to him and he replied in a whisper, “I love you too, Pa.”

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The milk wagon was slow and the hills that it had to go up were taxing to the team of horses but it finally pulled up at the three story house.  The driver tied the reins to the floor of the wagon and helped the two men out and over to the front porch.

“Let me pay you,” Joe insisted as he reached for his billfold.

The driver waved away the attempt at being paid and replied firmly, “Kevin O’ Leary has taken care of the fee, Lad.  You just be getting your pater in to Doctor Sullivan.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Joe nodded to the man and then helped his father up the four steps.  He noticed that Pa was growing weaker by the way that he had leaned against him when they stood at the door waiting for an answer to the loud knock he had sounded.

An elderly man opened the door and stared at the two men there before him.

“My father needs help — are you Doctor Sullivan?”

The man standing there at the door answered the boy who looked very frightened at the time, “Yes, I am.  Let’s get your father inside the examining room – it’s this way.”  The doctor pointed towards the far end of the parlor.  Soon both Joe and Doctor Sullivan had Pa laid down on a sturdy leather couch.

“What exactly happened to this man?”

“Well, Sir, I’m not sure — I just found him a little while ago.  He was being cared for by Michael Brady and his family.  He’s the one who told me where your office was and got me a milk wagon to get us here.  He said that they found my Pa on the docks more than a month ago.  Somebody must have attacked him and left him to die.  He hasn’t spoken at all until tonight and even then it was just a few whispered words.  He’s got some kind of a head wound and something is wrong with his right hand too,” Joe breathlessly listed everything he could remember that Michael had told him.

The doctor looked at the young man and then over to Ben.  “Well, do either of you have names?” He asked, smiling over at Joe trying to get the boy to relax.

“Oh — I’m sorry, Sir, yes my father’s name is Ben Cartwright — and I’m Joe — oh, I mean Joseph — Cartwright,” Joe grinned down at his father and winked.

Pa caught the fact that the boy had chosen to use “Joseph” instead of “Joe” to pay homage to the fact that it was that one whispered word which had finally brought the two of them together after so many weeks apart.  He nodded up to his son and tried for a smile aimed towards the boy.

“Well there, Joseph Cartwright, your father is going to get a thorough going over while you step out into my parlor.  You’ll find some coffee out there that I just sat out right before you showed up so help yourself.”

“But—

“No buts, Young Man, I will be sure to care for your father but I won’t need your assistance at this time and you need to catch your breath!”

Joe stared down at Pa and saw him nod towards him.  He could read it on Pa’s face that he was perfectly fine in the doctor’s care for now.

“I’ll just be outside here, Pa,” Joe whispered and reached down and patted his father’s shoulder.  He reluctantly made his way into the parlor and relinquished his father over to the doctor’s care.

Joe had paced and drank coffee and paced some more before Doctor Sullivan finally reemerged from the examining room an hour later.

“How is he?!” Joe asked breathlessly.  After over a month of the thought that he might have lost his father forever Joe was still on guard over losing him again.

“Relax, Boy, he’s not in any danger.  Now sit down here and let me have some coffee.  I hope it’s still hot.”

“Yes, Sir,” Joe nodded and lifted the coffee pot up and poured a cup for the man.

The doctor took the time to drink a bit and then looked over into the anxious eyes of the boy.

“He’s sustained a nasty concussion – that was the lump on his head and it’s just going to take a little while to clear up.  Your Pa is alert and knows who he is and who you are so I’d say that’s a good sign that there’s not permanent damage.  His throat was bruised very badly – his larynx took the brunt of that which was why he wasn’t able to speak other than a whisper.  It’s just going to heal in time as long as he doesn’t tax it.”

“Sorry – what’s a larynx?” Joe questioned.

The doctor smiled over at Joe and responded, “You’ve probably heard it as a voice box, Joe.  He’s lucky as if it was worse or he might have stopped breathing.  Now as for his hand it has two broken bones and I’m going to fix that now.  I just wanted to report back to you so you wouldn’t be out here worrying yourself.  Do you have some place to stay for the night?”

Joe fidgeted a bit, worried that the doctor was going to make him leave.  “Doctor, I can’t leave my Pa.  Everyone thought he was dead — well –everyone but me that is.  There was a stagecoach accident over five weeks ago and whoever did this to my father must’ve taken his ticket and that’s who was buried instead of my father.  So, I just can’t leave Pa — can’t I just sit out here?”

Doctor Sullivan laughed and shook his head.  “Boy, I wasn’t kicking you out of here!  I was just going to offer you a bed upstairs so you could get some sleep.  You look played out to me and I’d imagine your father would be worried about you too.”

Joe grinned sheepishly over what he’d been thinking.  Now he was very relieved over what the doctor had said.  “Doc, I couldn’t fall to sleep now if my life depended on it!  I’m just so thankful that my Pa is going to be alright.  If you don’t mind is it okay if I see my father before you work on his hand?”

The doctor set down his coffee and nodded.  “Just for a minute, Lad, as I’m about to give him a little something for pain and then I’ll get that hand fixed up.  Come on ahead.”

Joe stood looking down at his father and Pa must’ve felt the eyes as his opened at the same time.  He smiled knowingly at his son.

“Pa – the doctor says you’ll be okay.  He’s going to fix that hand up right now and soon we’ll get you home.  You just rest easy,” Joe whispered and bent down and put his arm around his father’s neck and hugged him briefly.

“Okay, Joseph,” Ben whispered and watched as Joe pulled back.

“No more trying to talk, Pa,” Joe announced sternly.  “As glad as I am to hear your voice, the doc here said not to over tax yourself.   I’ve got to step out into the parlor now for just a bit so he can fix you up.  But, I’ll be right back in.”

“Go on out there, Young Man,” The doctor motioned with his hand to the parlor.  Joe reluctantly walked to the door and cast a quick glance towards his Pa and then moved back into the front room to wait.

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The first rays of morning light cast their glow inside the examining room where both Ben and Joseph Cartwright had spent the night.  Pa’s right hand was now sporting a plaster cast and all of his other injuries had been tended.  Doctor Sullivan had finally given in to the younger Cartwright’s request to stay in the chair next to where his father lay sleeping.  The older man had left a light burning in the parlor and had gone on up to his room right after midnight.  He informed Joe where he’d be if he was needed and then had adjourned to his bedroom.  That left Joe constantly checking on his Pa even though it really wasn’t necessary.  Ben had been given a strong sedative and Doctor Sullivan had told the man’s son that he should just go lay down in a spare room which he had offered, but Joe had insisted that he stay next to Pa’s side.

Ben awoke to see Joseph half sitting in the chair next to him and half leaning in on the sofa.  Joe’s head rested just inches from Pa’s left hand and the boy was fast asleep.  Slowly he combed his fingers through the boy’s thick brown curls and smiled.  He usually was on the opposite side of a sick bed and it was almost always Joseph who was the one being tended by a doctor.

Joe blinked his eyes slowly wondering where he was and if he had dreamed everything that had happened the night before.  It wasn’t until he felt the gentle caress of his father’s fingers through his hair that Joe sat up and realized it had all been very real.

“Pa,” Joe grinned over at his father as he reached for his hand, taking it into his own.  “I know you’re not supposed to talk— but how about pointing one finger if you feel better or two if you feel worse?”

Ben shook his head very amused by his son and pointed his index finger over at him.

“Good job, Pa!” Joe called out exuberantly.  He turned towards the door and spied the doctor coming into the room with a tray in his hands.

“Here let me help you with that,” Joe sang out and hurried to assist the doctor.

“Thank you,” the doctor said and walked over to his patient.  “How are you today, Mister Cartwright?”

Ben lifted his index finger and pointed it at the doctor.

“Oh that’s code, Doc,” Joe explained and set the coffee down on the table next to where Pa was laying.   “One finger for yes or good, two for –well you know.”

“I guess the boy here thinks he’s the first one to ever come up with that, huh?” The doctor grinned.

“What?” Joe asked.

“I used that very same method last night with your father, Joseph,” The doctor replied.

“Hear that, Pa?  I could’ve been a doctor,” Joe quipped and watched Pa smile over at him.

“Now, I thought you two could use some coffee and then we will talk about where we go from here.”

Joe poured his father a cup of the brew and the doctor assisted Ben into a seated position.  Both Cartwrights drank their coffee and then the doctor went over what his plan was.

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By eight o’clock that evening Ben Cartwright lay resting in his former bed there at the Luxor Hotel.  Joe had hit the ground running all that morning.  With Doctor Sullivan taking care of his father, Joe had gone back to the hotel and made all of the arrangements to secure the room for at least another week in order for him to care for his Pa.  Joe had sent a telegraph to his brothers and he wished so badly that he could see their faces once they received it later that day.  He had requested that Adam wire funds to one of the local banks so he’d be able to handle everything for Pa until his two brothers arrived to join them in San Francisco.  Later, Joe had gotten a carriage to squire Pa and him to the hotel where the entire staff had greeted the elder Cartwright happy to learn that he had pulled a Lazarus and returned from the dead.  The manager of the hotel had advanced Joe some funds knowing that the Cartwrights would stand good for any additional expenses incurred.  Joe had asked where he could get some clothes for his father and was glad to learn of a shop not far from the Luxor.  Choosing a few things that Pa would need until his brothers would arrive with more of his personal garb Joe made his way back to the hotel and thanked one of the chambermaids for watching over his father while he had been gone.

“Here you go, Pa!” Joe sang out as he readied to place an ice pack around his father’s throat.

Ben nodded up at his son and lifted his head a bit so the boy could secure the cloth around his neck.  He then patted the side of the bed.  Pa was growing frustrated at not being able to speak, but the doctor had instructed him not to push it until he was doing a bit better.  There was so much that he wanted to ask his son.

Joe reluctantly sat down on the bed next to his father and looked down at him.  “I know, Pa.  I know that you want to ask me about how everyone is, and what’s gone on and all of that stuff.  But, that will keep.  You know that the doctor said that the main thing right now is for you to eat and rest.  Everything else can wait.”

Ben reached with his left hand and clamped it onto his son’s wrist as he forced his gaze on the boy.

Joe laughed, “I can just hear you yelling my name about now — that is if you could talk, Pa!  Okay, Hoss and Adam are fine – and by now they’ve gotten my telegraph and probably think I’m insane for saying that I’m here with you.  I don’t even want to tell you how bad we all took it – when we were told that you died in the accident.  I’m the only one who didn’t believe it.  Well, we’ll talk about that some other time.  Your older sons did real good they went on just like you’d want them to and even have all of those trees marked for cutting.  You’d be proud of them.  Everything else can just wait.  You’ve eaten pretty good and I think you should get some shut-eye now.  The doctor is going to come back here tomorrow to check you over.”

Ben pointed over to Joe’s arm and there was a fierce questioning look in his eyes at the time.

“What, Pa?” Joe asked, not understanding his father’s gesture.

Ben pointed from one of Joe’s arms and then to the other.  Joe finally understood.

“Oh, it was my right one this time!” Joe laughed and lifted the forearm which he had broken.  “It’s fine now, Pa,”

Ben nodded over to his son and then watched as Joe became very quiet and his face showed a pained appearance.   Pa reached over and shook his son’s arm to get his attention refocused towards him.

Joe didn’t want his father to try to speak, and he knew he would try if he didn’t tell him something pretty quickly.  “Okay, Pa,” Joe began and fought for the right words.  “I – I felt like it was all my fault – the whole accident and everything.  If I hadn’t gotten hurt you wouldn’t have left to come home early and —well—they said you’d died.  I thank God you’re alive but, even now,  I know that you got hurt because of me – so I still feel bad about all of it,” Joe confessed and had to fight off tears.

Pa shook his head and held out two fingers to indicate “no”.  He then reached out his arms and pulled his son to his chest.  “I’m still here with you, Joseph, everything is alright,” Pa whispered hoarsely.

Joe let out some of the pent up emotions that he had held for so long over all that had happened and all that he’d gone through during the long journey to find his father.  Here Pa was the one who was injured and yet he was the one who was trying to comfort him.  Joe allowed himself a few minutes to shed some relieved tears and then pulled himself back wiping at his eyes.

“The doctor said no talking – that means whispering too,” Joe tried to admonish his father but failed miserably at it.  He knew that, injured or not, only Pa had the right to give any orders.

Ben nodded obediently and lifted up his pointer finger.  Joe climbed off of the bed and pulled up the covers around his father’s shoulders.  “I’ll be back in a little while to change out that ice pack, Pa.  I need to let you rest and you won’t if I’m here bothering you.  So you get some sleep.”

Ben watched as his youngest slowly eased away from the bed.  Joe left the bedroom door open and Pa could see the boy heading over to the sofa across the room.  He felt the fierce pride of a father as he watched Joseph taking on the man’s sized responsibility of caring for him.  ***that’s my boy! ***he thought to himself.

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The telegrapher read what had been sent by Joseph Cartwright from San Francisco.  He had to make sure he had taken the message down correctly before he contacted the other Cartwrights.  Pete Cullen had sent back a response and he had been assured that the wire was exactly correct as it had been received.  He closed the office, something he rarely did, and hurried to find Sheriff Roy Coffee.  And so it was the same person who had given Adam and Hoss Cartwright the devastating news of their father’s death, who gave them the joyous news that their Pa was in fact very much alive.

Adam and Hoss stared at the telegraph so many times that night that they had it memorized:

Pa alive, is with me in San Francisco.  He’s hurt but will recover.  Need money wired to our bank here for expenses.  Bring some clothes for Pa with you.  We are at the Luxor.  See you soon.  Joe.

“I’ll just be damned,” Hoss stated as he turned towards Adam and shook his head grinning broadly.

“I’ll be damned too!” Adam laughed and then turned to thank Roy.  “Roy, this sure is better news than you gave us the last time!  Thank you for getting it right out to us!”

Roy grinned at the sons of his best friend and replied, “Old Ben, I’ll tell you I’m going to hog-tie him if he ever leaves you boys with me again and high-tails it out to another town!  Well, you two better get packed.  I’ll see you off tomorrow,” Roy laughed and shook the two brother’s hands.  He then turned for the door to ride back to Virginia City.  Roy knew he could’ve just sent someone else out with the word of Ben’s resurrection but he wasn’t going to miss telling the good news to the Cartwright boys.

“Well, we’d better get both ours and Pa’s clothes packed!” Hoss insisted and hurriedly headed up the staircase to his father’s room.

“Yeah – and don’t forget to pack Pa his robe!” Adam exclaimed and followed close behind his brother.  *** I’ve got to give it to you, Kid, you knew our father was still alive — and tried to tell us the whole time!  Though just how you knew I’ve no earthly idea*** Adam thought about his youngest brother as he climbed the stairs.  He couldn’t wait to see his father.  It was going to be some reunion!

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Epilogue:

If Anyone Fights Anyone Of Us, He’s Got To Fight With Me

Joe assisted in getting his father propped up on the sofa there in the front room of the large hotel suite.  He had spent three days tending to Pa and the man was beginning to look like his former self.  Though Pa was still a bit weak, he had eaten very well and rested enough to put some color back in his cheeks.  The bandage which had encircled his head had been removed by Doctor Sullivan the previous day and his hand wasn’t hurting ever since it had been put into the cast.  Pa was definitely on his way back to good health.

“Do you like the new robe, Pa?” Joe asked, smiling down at the man.

Ben pointed one finger towards Joe and nodded.

Joe moved to sit across from his father and handed him a cup of coffee.  “Now remember when Hoss and Adam get here the doctor said you can only whisper a few things, Pa.  You’ve done really great at keeping quiet and I know it hasn’t been easy,” Joe grinned.

“Yes, Joseph,” Ben whispered.

“I don’t want you getting all worked up either!” Joe insisted protectively.

Ben shook his head and decided to placate the kid, “Yes, Joseph.”

Before Joe could respond, a loud knock sounded on the door and he stood up.  “I bet I know who that is!” Joe exclaimed and pulled the door forward to see both of his brothers standing there.

“Hi, Brothers, oh – by the way — I won’t say told you so just yet,” Joe laughed as he let the two men into the room.  “You go over there and see Pa but I’m going to warn you he’s not supposed to talk much so don’t over tax him.”

The two eldest Cartwright brothers dropped the luggage down at their feet and hurried over to their father.

“Dad gum it, Pa!” Hoss exclaimed and patted his father’s shoulder.  He had wanted to give him a big bear hug but knew by the looks of his Pa that he was a bit weak.

“Hoss,” Pa whispered and tears filled his eyes to see his middle boy.

“Pa,” Adam was next and he moved Hoss out of the way and reached to give his father a gentle hug.  “We had given you up for dead — thank God you’re okay!”

“Adam,” Ben nodded up at his eldest and smiled proudly.

The two brothers turned to their little brother.

“How did you find Pa, Joe?” they both sounded out in unison.

Joe smiled and shook his head.  “Well, it’s a long story and I’ve got some business to take care of right now.  You two have some coffee and if you’re hungry just get room service.  The hotel will get you anything you want.  I also got you both the room next door but I figured you’d be in here most of the time.  Here’s the room key,” Joe handed the key to Hoss.

Joe walked back over to his father and said, “Pa, I’m going to go take care of that little errand you and I talked about.  Now, I’m holding you to the honor system while I’m gone.  Don’t whisper more than a few words, okay?”

“Yes, Joseph,” Ben nodded once again and patted the boy’s arm.

“Pa shows one finger for yes and two for no.  You both take care of him!” Joe sang out as he strapped on his holster and got ready to leave.

“Joe?  Where are you running off to so quick?” Hoss called across the room.

“Well, we’re all leaving the day after tomorrow and I have some debts to settle up.  I’ll be back soon.  You two play catch up with Pa – but take care of him!”

Hoss and Adam watched with confusion as their little brother walked out of the hotel room.

Ben had noticed the looks that went back and forth between his sons and he whispered, “The boy wanted me to have time alone with you both.”

Adam sat down and poured coffee for Hoss and himself and then one by one the questions began to come out.  Before long all of the missing pieces of what had happened to their father fell into place.  Pa had explained how he happened to let his guard down and was staring down at his stage ticket when he’d been pulled into an alley.  From what he had recalled over the last several days, the man who had taken his ticket and jacket was about his height and weight.  Joe had informed Pa that a man bearing his description now lay buried on the Ponderosa underneath a headstone that read: Ben Cartwright.

“No, Pa — before we left to come here we got a few of the hired hands to remove that casket and have it buried in boot hill in town.  We also had that headstone removed and tossed,” Hoss explained.

“Good,” Ben nodded.  He had no desire to see his name on a headstone.

“The kid took good care of you, huh?” Adam smiled, noticing his father was now sporting a brand new robe.

Grinning, Ben nodded over to his sons and replied, “The boy has done very well.”

“Dad gum it, Pa.  We were all so torn up over thinking you had been killed — but only Little Joe insisted that you were still alive.  I mean from everyone we checked with from the stage line to the undertaker and everyone else they were sure it was you.  I don’t know how Joe knew.  He kept talking about seeing you in a dream almost every night.”

“I’m fine — or I will be soon.  I broke my hand so I couldn’t write and I had a concussion plus this throat injury so I couldn’t speak.  Now as for Joseph – he didn’t tell me about his dreams.  I’ll have to ask him about them.  I’m just so glad that you boys continued to go on just as you knew I’d want you both to do.  I’d hoped Joe would continue to go on as well if I had actually died.”

“Yeah – well those letters that you left,” Adam jumped in where Hoss had left off.  “We read the ones you left for us but Joe refused to open his.  We tried to get him to do it but he refused – he kept saying it was meant for him to read once you were dead — and he believed that you were alive.”

“Yeah, that poor kid – I mean he was sleeping in your room every night and had your robe curled up with him.  We tried dragging him back into his own room and that didn’t help any,” Hoss decided not to tell Pa about Joe taking the pills, figuring he would just get upset.

Pa couldn’t help thinking about his youngest and how the boy would naturally be the one hold out to think that his father was really dead.  He decided that he’d need to speak to the kid about it sometime soon.  “Your letters,” Ben whispered.  “Did you understand?”

“Yeah, Pa – we did – and that’s why Hoss and I were able to go on just like you wanted us to,” Adam returned, his eyes moist with grateful tears over what his father had left for him.  It had meant so much to him.

“Guess I’ll have to write new ones now,” Ben whispered.

“No, Sir!” Hoss exclaimed loudly.  “We don’t want no more letters, Pa – we just want you here with us!”

Pa nodded over at both of his sons and said, “I’ll do everything I can to stay around as long as I possibly can.  Now – how did those two do, Hoss?  Were they at each other’s throats?”

Hoss looked over at Adam and then back towards his Pa and laughed, “You know Little Joe and Adam – they’re a pure caution.  But they didn’t go up against each other any more than usual, Pa!  You know they’re not even tempered like you and me!”

Pa shot a questioning gaze over to his eldest.

“Oh, Pa – you know your youngest —he’s a real pain at times — but I guess it’s his stubbornness that led him to find you.  And for that I’ll always be grateful to the little cuss!”

“You boys go unpack then come back here and we can talk more.  Joseph will have a pure fit if he thinks I’ve overdone it,” Pa sighed knowing that boy of his and Joe’s over protective nature, especially now that he finally had his father back with him.

“Okay, we will but one at a time – we ain’t about to leave you!” Hoss insisted.

“Be right back – as a matter of fact I’ll bring you back some of your things from the ranch too,” Adam said and clapped his father’s back gently and then turned out of the hotel and into the room that his brother had procured for them.

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That evening all four Cartwrights sat down to their first dinner together in more than a month.  It was Joe who said the blessing this time, since he had warned everyone that Pa had over taxed his voice all that day.  He gave thanks to God for sending some very caring people to watch over his father during his time of need.  Joe also gave thanks that the whole family was once again intact.  Joe had gone to the Brady Tavern and had left an envelope with five hundred dollars enclosed.  Michael and Molly Brady had tried to give it back to the boy but he had insisted that they use it in case any other needy stranger happened into their pub.  Finally they had accepted it and also the envelope that Joe had left for Kevin O’ Leary.  It had also contained five hundred dollars and a letter from both Ben and Joe Cartwright.  He had been the one who had gotten Pa to safety and had brought Joe to the tavern to be reunited with his father.  The last stop that evening had been to see Doctor Sullivan.  Joe had paid the man for his services and thanked him for tending to his father.  The doctor argued that Joe had over paid him, but he had insisted that no amount of money would ever be enough to repay Doctor Sullivan for getting Ben treated and on the road to recovery.

Joe eased his father down into the bed and hovered over him.  His two brothers had adjourned to their hotel room for the night after a very long, but joyous reunion with their father.

“Now, you need some rest, Pa.  I think you over did yourself today,” Joe insisted as he settled down into the chair next to the bed.

“I need to talk to you, Joseph,” Ben whispered as he lay propped up against the headboard.

“Pa, it can keep,” Joe protested.

“I’m fine, Son.  Now – your brothers told me a few things about you.”

“Uh Oh, am I in trouble already?” Joe laughed.

Ben shook his head and smiled, “Not that I know of.  But, they told me you fought them about me being dead.  They said you kept having dreams about me, is that right?”

Joe sighed deeply.  He really didn’t want to even think about what life was like during those long weeks when Pa was presumed dead.  “Yes, Sir, almost every night – and they were always about you standing in the dark and trying to call out to me but no words would come.  Just silence.  It wasn’t until I had about given up that I heard that one word,” Joe stopped abruptly.

“What word?” Ben coaxed the boy.

“I heard you say “Joseph”, Pa, and — there in that tavern—when I heard Molly say that someone said “his name is Joseph” I think my heart stopped.  Then when I finally made it to you — well— you know.  You said “Joseph.”

Ben smiled and reached over and patted his son’s arm.  “I would say it surprises me but it doesn’t — not anymore.”

Joe simply smiled and nodded over to his father and took his left hand into his own.

“Now – as for that letter that I left for you, Young Man, why wouldn’t you open it?” Ben asked, his eyebrows narrowing.

Joe looked down at the floor and replied quietly, “Pa that was meant for me to read once you were really gone.  I wasn’t ready to admit that.”

“Your brothers opened theirs.  Aren’t you at all curious?” Pa smiled, showing he wasn’t really upset that his son hadn’t read what he had left for him.

Joe redirected his gaze up to his father and said, “Well— now that I know you’re okay — maybe I’m just a little curious.”

“Okay then, I will give you a little preview of what I wrote since your brothers already read theirs.  You want to hear it?”

Joe grinned and nodded over to his father.

“To summarize, I said that I’m proud of you, and that you should listen to your brothers — and lastly,” Pa paused and watched as his son looked over at him anxiously waiting for something very meaningful to come forward.

“And?” Joe finally asked when the wait proved to be too long for him.

“And – for you to get a haircut,” Pa laughed and reached over and patted his son’s arm.

“Very funny, Pa,” Joe announced as he stood from the chair.  “Okay, I can wait to open mine, maybe in like forty or fifty years?”

“Sounds good to me, Joseph,” Pa nodded.

“Okay, Pa you go get some rest, you’ve had a very busy day.  I’ll just be on that sofa as usual,” Joe announced as he got ready to leave the bedroom.

“Wait just a minute, Son,” Pa called to his boy and reached down next to the bed.

“What?”

“Well, I think it might be a little drafty for you sleeping out there.  You might just need this,” Ben said and handed Joe a package.

Joe took the box into his arms and set it there onto the chair.  He lifted the lid and pulled the contents up.  It was his father’s robe, the one he had slept with all of those lonely nights there at the Ponderosa.

“It’s pretty warm,” Pa grinned and cast a knowing smile aimed at his son.

Joe shook his head and held the robe over his arm.  “Somebody has been telling tales about me.”

“It’s yours now.” Pa smiled and nodded over to his son.  “Goodnight, Joseph,” Ben whispered as he slid down underneath the bedcovers.

Joe pulled on the robe, and though it hung on him, being far too big for the boy, he accepted it gratefully.   Smiling over at his Pa he whispered, “Goodnight, Pa.”

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Two days later the four Cartwrights boarded an Overland stagecoach and headed back to the Ponderosa Ranch.  They had bright skies and good weather the whole trip back home.  They were met by Sheriff Roy Coffee and a lot of town folks who were all thrilled to see that Ben Cartwright was still very much alive and still very much the patriarch of the Ponderosa.  It hadn’t taken long for Pa’s hand to heal and then his voice came back just as strong, and at times just as booming as it had been.  The four Cartwrights were back, intact and even stronger than they had been before the whole awful event.  And, Little Joe did read his letter, since he just had to find out if Pa had really mentioned him getting a haircut in it.  He had.   Pa was okay with Joseph reading it, since he would later pen three brand new letters for each of his boys and hoped that it would be many more years before they would ever need to read them.

The End          Written by:   Wrangler       4-28-2025

(Dedicated to Rob my story consultant, who was glad there were no rats in this story.  And to my grandson, Krishna Michael, who encouraged me to keep writing.)