Summary:  Nothing will stop Virginia City’s school teacher when she has her sight set on a Cartwright.
Rating:  G  (9,680 words)

Abigail Jones’ Diary Series:

Abigail Jones’ Diary
Abigail Jones’ Diary: The Sequel

Abigail Jones’ Diary

Dear Diary,

When I saw you in The Mercantile Store I just couldn’t resist buying you.  What fun to have somewhere to write down my inner thoughts and keep a record of all the happenings here in Virginia City!  Being of a literary inclination as well, I’m sure that my little endeavours to record the things that happen around here will be quite interesting to look back on in years to come, although I really don’t intend for anyone else to read this.

What will be written on these pages are secrets between you and me Dear Diary.  My innermost thoughts and my secret yearnings.  How romantic!

Speaking of romance, that wonderful specimen of a man Adam Cartwright was in town earlier today.  I watched him from across the street as he was loading supplies for The Ponderosa with his brother.  He moves so gracefully, that I could have watched him all day.  What a man!  He invades my thoughts and my dreams at night.  One day he will know just what my feelings for him are.  One day he will return those feelings and we will make beautiful music together.  I yearn for the day when we will come together as one!

Dear Diary,

It was a difficult day at school today.  That young Joseph Cartwright seems bound and determined to make my life a misery lately.  Not only does he waste his time away by trying to get out of doing any work whatsoever, but also he thinks it is quite amusing to disrupt everyone else in the class at the same time.  It was necessary for me to stand him in the corner again today.  Not that I think it does any good, for he just never seems to learn.  I’ll have to speak to his father again I fear.

How can two brothers be so different?  Actually three, for Hoss is quite different from the other two as well.  I believe that they are only half brothers, so maybe that accounts for it.  Whatever it is, I’m sure that my darling Adam would never have behaved like his younger brother does.  He would have been a wonderful student.  Ah the things I could have taught that man if he’d been under my control!  I must stop now Dear Diary, as I am becoming quite heated with the very thought of it.

Dear Diary,

Today I visited the Dressmaker’s shop.  I’m having a lovely blue dress made with matching hat.  I believe that blue is the Cartwright boys’ favourite colour, as so many of the women they have been seen with over the years have always been dressed in it.  I am hoping that Adam may notice me in it, and be suitably impressed.

Ma says that I need to be more assertive with men, but I honestly don’t know how I could be.  I make sure that I attend all the social functions that are on offer in the town, and I always have an eye open for a likely prospect.  But it just seems like no one can match up to that wonderful specimen of a man –  Adam.  He has quite spoilt my eye for others I feel Dear Diary.  I’m afraid if you reach for perfection then it is hard to settle for second best. I’ll have to try and think of a way to orchestrate a meeting between the two of us.  This will take some planning!

Dear Diary,

I think I have the answer!  Young Joseph was again playing up today, and when I threatened to speak to his father he informed me that he is away on a business trip.  This could well be my chance to speak to Adam.  I wrote a note asking him to attend a conference with me regarding young Joseph in his father’s absence.  We shall see what happens next!  I think I’ll wear my new blue dress to school tomorrow in case he does call.

Dear Diary,

What a wonderful day it was today!  Yes, Adam did call after school to pick up his younger brother.  I made sure that I had time of course to sit with him to discuss the boy’s recent behaviour, but I’m afraid it was difficult to keep my mind on it.  Those wonderful black eyes of his are just mesmerising up close. He looked at me so intently and with such feeling that it just about took my breath away!

I feel that I quite impressed him with my concern for young Joseph, and he promised to make sure that he did his homework at least.  I can tell you Dear Diary that my heart was fluttering as he left the room, and I felt quite faint with the thrill of it all.

Dear Diary,

What wonders Adam works!  Young Joseph did indeed have his homework done today, which is quite an accomplishment.  Mind you he was giving me rather dark looks all day, as if he quite resented me speaking to his brother.

I am still quite excited by what happened yesterday. After our meeting Adam and I are at least on speaking terms now, and I must make sure that I continue to make him notice me.  I think I’ll have another blue dress made.

Dear Diary,

Today was rather difficult.  No school, so I hung around the town hoping to see my darling come in, but unfortunately he didn’t appear.  I have put in an order for another blue dress.

Dear Diary,

Today at church I saw him.  What a man!  Not only is he handsome, but he is religious too.  He and his two brothers attend church quite regularly, so I’m sure that I will be able to orchestrate a meeting there each week.

I was so busy organising the choir that I didn’t notice him at first.  But when I turned and saw him sitting there my heart leapt with excitement and I gave him a beautiful smile. I’ve been told that my smile is quite fetching.  I think he was quite startled at first, for he looked a bit confused. After all Church is a very solemn place.  But after a moment he obviously remembered our little interaction and returned the smile.  What a wonderful face he has.  His eyes just light up and those two little dimples!  Well they are just to die for.

It was difficult to keep my thoughts heavenward during the Service I will admit.  They just kept straying back to him.  He was dressed so beautifully as well, as he is obviously a man with taste.

I also noticed he has a beautiful singing voice.  Is there anything this man is not good at? I must try and convince him to join the choir.  It would be a wonderful way of seeing him more often as well.

After Church was over I hurried to put the hymnals away and made it outside in record time, but was dismayed to see my darling talking to Jennifer Parkins in the yard.  Such a hussy that girl is!  Just because she has the Parkins blond hair she thinks she is something special!  Always dresses it up in ringlets too, which is quite unbecoming for a young lady.  I myself prefer a respectable bun, which is so much more sophisticated.

After watching them for a few moments, I went over and tapped him on the arm.  I asked if I could speak to him, and I must admit he looked a bit surprised at the suggestion.  After pulling him aside I commented on how improved young Joseph had been after our little talk and complimented him on his dealing with the boy.  He was politeness itself as he answered me.  Such a courteous man and so concerned for his young brother!

I of course suggested that he join the choir, as I commented on his wonderful singing voice.  He was quite touched I believe, and said that he would think about it.  Unfortunately he needed to leave quickly, as he had to get his younger brothers home, but I do believe that he would have preferred to stay and talk to me for a while.

I felt quite a bond with him during our conversation.  I feel that we are going to have quite a lot in common. I must find out what his interests are so that I can make a point of being interested in the same things.  It is very important for a lady to share similar interests with her man.

Dear Diary,

I’m afraid I was rather vague with the class today, as my mind was still on my encounter with Adam yesterday.  Young Joseph took full and utter advantage of it of course, and caused quite a scene when he brought a lizard into the classroom and caused a riot amongst the girls.  He spent the afternoon in the corner as usual.  I made sure I asked him how long his father would be away for.  I want to make the most of dealing with Adam for as long as possible where this young man is concerned.  I was very pleased to hear that he won’t be back from San Francisco for at least another two weeks, so things are looking quite hopeful in that department.

I considered asking Adam to come in again, but I think that would be too obvious.  So I contented myself with writing to him and mentioning Joseph’s behaviour.  I also reminded him of the fact that he would be most welcome in the Choir.  I must admit Dear Diary that I am rather hoping that he does.  Not only would we come into contact on Sundays, but also I run a practice session each Wednesday night and who knows what could happen over a hymnal?  I surely hope that he does join.

Dear Diary,

It was a wonderful start to the day when I received a note back from my darling man today.  It was to thank me for letting him know about young Joseph’s behaviour, but I know that he would have also enjoyed having an excuse to write to me.  I feel that he is quite intrigued with me and I must admit that I am a most beguiling woman.  I hope that Adam is beginning to feel that.

Unfortunately he doesn’t feel that he has the time to join the choir at the moment.  He said it so gracefully too.  The manners that man conveys are just delightful.  I love a man with good manners.  Little courtesies are so important in life.

I won’t give up though!  We really need another tenor in the choir, and Adam would be just so right for it.

Dear Diary,

Today was rather boring.  Young Joseph behaved himself quite well which I feel was unfortunate.  To be honest I was hoping for a little indiscretion or two so that I would have an excuse to write to his brother again, but the boy behaved himself impeccably.  I must check on the progress of that new blue dress tomorrow.

Dear Diary,

Joseph was back to form again today, and I took great delight in writing again to his brother and requesting that he come to see me.  This afternoon I picked up my new blue dress so I’ll be able to wear it tomorrow when he does come to call.

I heard a couple of girls talking about a dance that is to be held on Saturday.  I must remember to ask if Adam is going.  I have my lovely red dress that I haven’t worn yet.  I’ll have to get some blue trim for it to make it look really special.

Dear Diary,

I was very excited all day today, waiting in anticipation for Adam to come.  Young Joseph was quite difficult again, as I feel that he doesn’t appreciated me contacting his brother so much.  But as I explained to him, it’s for his own good!

I must admit that I looked quite fetching in my new blue dress.  I fastened a couple of blue ribbons in my hair to match and I think the result was quite lovely.  I was sure that he would notice it.

My heart was all fluttery as I waited for my darling to appear.  When he did I was quite overcome for a moment, and I’m afraid I became a little flustered.  I don’t think he noticed it though. We sat and talked about Joseph’s behaviour and I made sure that I sat at an angle so that he could see my hair ribbons well.  I did notice him looking at them once or twice and I feel certain that if he had been less shy he might have mentioned them, but the dear man was quite overcome by my charm and became a little tongue-tied.

I made sure he was left in no doubt as to his brother’s recent behaviour, and he assured me that he would deal with the young man in question.  Of course I mentioned the Choir again, and made sure he understood just how desperately we need him.  He was so courteous and said that he would think about it.  I have the feeling that he would like to join, but could be a little shy in showing off his talents.

I took the opportunity of course to mention the dance on Saturday night, and to enquire if he was going.  He seemed a little flustered when I mentioned it. Dear man, he was probably a bit embarrassed that I had.  I know it’s not seemly for a lady to mention these things, but I just couldn’t help myself on this occasion.  He said something about going and when I hinted that he might like to pick me up, he unfortunately heard a noise outside right at that moment and had to check on young Joseph who had been left sitting out there.

The boy was not causing any problem when we did check on him, and was actually quite sulky when I spoke to him.  I smiled at Adam to show him that I wasn’t resentful of his behaviour, but he made his brother apologize to me anyway which I thought was rather touching.

As they left I reminded him again of the dance and hinted that I wouldn’t mind him picking me up.  He gave me a look that I interpreted to mean that he would be delighted and I was overcome with such a thrill.  I am so looking forward to tomorrow night!

Dear Diary,

I spent today getting organised for the dance tonight.  If only men realised what we go through to look our best for them!  I was ready well ahead of time and settled down on the front porch swing to wait for my darling to arrive.  Well Dear Diary if the truth were known I waited quite a while and began to be quite worried.  It seemed as if something had happened to delay my darling man.

Knowing that he wouldn’t be the type of man to stand up a woman I decided that something had definitely gone wrong, and so I decided to wander over to the dance myself and see if anyone there knew about it.

Imagine my surprise when I walked into the Hall and saw him talking to Jennifer Parkins! For a moment I couldn’t believe my eyes, and then I realised that of course I must have misunderstood.  After all he hadn’t actually said that he would pick me up, and I didn’t want to embarrass him by appearing forward in this respect.  I decided to do the lady-like thing and pretend that it hadn’t happened.  I know that he would respect me all the more for my discretion.

I positioned myself where I could observe him and noticed that he and Jennifer talked for quite a long while.  He was probably trapped with her and being the gentleman that he was didn’t know how to extradite himself.  I know that he was probably looking over her shoulder to see if he could find me.

After a while I decided to put him out of his misery and rescue him.  I made my way over to them and stopped as if surprised to see them there.  I can be quite the actress if I put my mind to it, and I’m sure they really thought I was genuinely surprised to see them.  I made a tactful remark about Jennifer’s dress, which did look rather homemade.  She in turn commented on my choice of attire.  I must admit I had noticed the looks that everyone gave me when I had entered.  I know that red and blue is an unusual choice of colour combination, but can be rather striking at times, particularly when combined with my lovely blue eyes.  I drew their attention to this fact.

Adam was rather quiet during this exchange.  I feel that his eyes were upon me, drinking in the vision of loveliness that I presented.  Darling man!  If only he’d known that all the hours of preparing myself were just for him. It was all worth it though as I saw the look in his eyes that could only be described as sheer surprise.

There was an awkward silence when the music began.  I know that Adam was longing to ask me to dance, but it must have been very difficult for him standing as he was between two women.  He probably felt rather sorry for Jennifer and did the courteous thing by asking her to dance first.  As they walked towards the dance floor I felt such a feeling of pride that he would put his own feelings aside and do the gentlemanly thing for her.

She was looking rather dowdy I felt.  The homemade dress was not really eye-catching at all and did nothing for her figure.  It was also rather low-cut which is so unbecoming on a woman.  I much prefer the high neckline that says so much about a woman’s character to a man.  Also, her hair was done in those infernal ringlets again.  It made her look quite cheap, and I resolved to set her straight about that later.

I must admit they danced quite well together.  He was so light on his feet that he could make any partner look good.  He is obviously a man of style and grace.  I realised in that moment just how alike we are.  We both have such an air of refinement about us that it is almost as if we are made for each other.  I’m sure he felt it too.

I noticed his eyes on me as I watched them both, and felt sure that he was thinking of me during the whole time they were dancing.  I was a little surprised when the music stopped and they didn’t return, but I imagine that he was merely escorting her back to a chair so that she could rest. I waited patiently for him to come back to me, but when it seemed that he was taking an extraordinary amount of time I was forced to seek him out instead.

Mind you, it took some doing!  He seemed to have quite disappeared and it took quite some time before I found them sitting outside on the porch.  I know he was very pleased to see me and must have quite welcomed the interruption.  He was probably looking for an excuse to get away from her.  I did notice that as soon as I arrived he said something about getting a drink and left quite abruptly.

I was happy to be used as his excuse for leaving, as I realised how difficult it must have been for him to have a conversation with Jennifer. The girl just didn’t seem to know what to say to me at all!  I took the opportunity to mention her inappropriate hair and she seemed a little put out when I said it.  However I assured her my comments were in her best interests and also took the chance to suggest that in the future she might like to invest in some store bought clothing.

She seemed to be speechless at my words, and took a moment to let them sink in.  I know that she would have been so grateful to me for my guidance that she just didn’t know how to thank me, so I merely patted her on the arm and told her not to worry about it.

When Adam didn’t return I excused myself and went to look for him.  I found him talking to his brother Hoss in the corner and he seemed to be quite agitated I must say.  He was waving his arms around widely and I do believe I saw him gesturing towards me at one point.  I suppose he was just very frustrated about how he could get me alone for a long talk, and I resolved to help him solve the problem.

I must admit to a little untruth here Dear Diary.  I’m afraid I was a little naughty and pretended to be rather unwell so that he needed to take me outside to get some fresh air.  I’m afraid I gave him no choice in the matter, but I know that underneath all his objections and suggestions that Hoss could do it, he was immensely pleased that I had taken the initiative.  He really is rather sweet when he’s showing his shyness.

As soon as I had him to myself I took the opportunity to let him know in no uncertain terms of my many interests.  He was rather quiet while I spoke of my passion for literature and music, although I know for a fact that he is interested in both these topics as well.  He was probably stunned to hear of my vast knowledge in these areas, for he looked at me quite overcome at one stage.

I urged him to tell me of his College days, but he was very reluctant to do so. What a bashful and modest man he is!  There was an awkward pause in the conversation at this point, and I felt that even though a lady doesn’t usually take the lead in conversations it was up to me to keep things flowing. In the end I had to resort to tell him of my passion for quilting and the patterns I was working on.  I know it impressed him, for he was so quiet as I was speaking, almost as if he was hanging on every word. I’m sure I impressed him with my virtues as a homemaker.  I believe that it is very important for a woman to show her man just what a good homemaker she can be.

When the music started again I suggested we dance, but unfortunately he was suddenly overcome by a sore leg.  He assured me that it was the result of a fall from a horse and not at all serious, but I offered to give it a bit of a rub all the same.  It was at that moment that he stood up abruptly and said that he had to go.  I must have really helped the leg because I noticed that he didn’t limp one bit as he walked away from me, and felt quite proud of helping him so much.

After he had left I took the opportunity to circulate a bit around the room, as I always try to check out everyone who comes to these dances.  The dresses were definitely quite ordinary this time, and if it hadn’t been for my colourful outfit to brighten the place up it would have been rather a boring affair.

A number of people were commenting on Adam’s sudden departure and I filled them in on his sore leg.  It was unusual for a Cartwright to leave so early, so it must have really been paining him.  There didn’t seem to be much point in staying any longer after that, so I left for an early night.  Tomorrow will be church again, and I resolved to look my best for my darling.  An early night would give me the beauty sleep that I would need.  My dreams will be very sweet tonight, of that I’m sure!

Dear Diary,

Church today was very interesting.  I put a great deal of effort into our hymns and I must say that I quite outdid myself.  I took the main solo for myself as I do occasionally in order to show everyone how it should be done correctly, and Rev Alden was very appreciative of my efforts.  I could see it in his eyes when I asked him what he thought of it after the service.  He actually said that he’d never heard anything like it – imagine that!

I took the opportunity to take him over to Adam and mention that he was thinking of joining our choir.  The look that Adam gave me could only be described as one of sheer astonishment, and I’m sure that he didn’t expect me to say it in front of the Reverend. However, I knew that someone had to speak of his talents, as he is obviously too shy to do it himself.

The Reverend was most interested of course in adding another tenor to our group, and I think that Adam really couldn’t get out of it.  He will thank for it later though, as it will give him the opportunity to show our little community just what he is capable of.  I made sure that he understood he was expected to attend the Wednesday night practice at my house, and made him promise in front of the Reverend that he would be there.

I walked away quite satisfied that I had done him a great favour.

Dear Diary,

Today was the beginning of another school week, but I’m afraid that my thoughts were elsewhere after the wonderful weekend I have had.  The class were very riotous led by that incorrigible young Joseph.  I really don’t know how his brother has any patience with him. I certainly don’t!  If it wasn’t for the respect I have for his brother I would definitely have given him the sharp end of my tongue that’s for sure.  However I held my temper with him and merely kept him in after school to teach him a lesson.  I hoped that Adam might come looking for him, but it wasn’t to be.  I finally had to let him go home, but warned him that I might have to speak to his brother again if this continues.

Dear Diary,

A very boring day today.  I picked up my new dress, which I think I will wear tomorrow night for Choir practice.  It is a lovely shade of dark blue.

Dear Diary,

I dismissed the children early today, as I needed extra time to get ready for Choir Practice.  Just as well I did too, for I don’t think I could have taken the cheekiness from young Joseph for much longer.  I actually saw him poke out his tongue at me today, and had to resort to giving him a few slaps with the ruler.  He really is a most incorrigible boy!  I resolved to speak to his brother about him later that night.

I was ready well and truly before time, and had Ma make her famous pink lemonade and cookies for the event.  Normally we don’t go to much trouble, but Ma understands my desire to impress Adam, and only the best will do for a Cartwright after all!  She promised that she would make herself scarce when he arrived so that we could get to know each other a little better.

When he did come he was a bit surprised to find that he was the only one there.  I explained to him that not all members of the choir in fact came every week, and it seemed like it would be just the two of us this time.  To be honest Dear Diary, I had told the other members of the Choir that they weren’t needed this week, as I felt it was important to give Adam my full attention and help him learn the songs individually.  I think he was grateful that it was just the two of us, so that he didn’t have to sing in front of anyone else at first.

We got straight into it.  I showed him all the songs we were currently doing and ran through quite a few with him.  We sat on the settee in the front parlour which was clever on my part, as it’s not very big.  We were forced to sit close to each other, and I must say the pressure of his leg on mine gave me cause to experience a few flutters of the heart.  He appreciated the cookies and lemonade, and learned all the songs quickly.  It was almost as if he didn’t want to waste any time, and he practically said as much.  Dear man!  So thoughtful!

When he stood up to leave I thought of the problems I had had with Joseph, and asked him to stay a while longer.  I swear I heard him sigh as he sat down again.  Poor dear!  That boy is quite a concern to him, I could see that.  I talked at great length about the boy, fixing my eyes on his all the while.  He has such beautiful eyes!  Very dark and intense.

After I had exhausted the subject of young Joseph I couldn’t think of anything to keep him there any longer, and so our night ended.  As I walked him out to his horse I thought for a moment he was going to kiss me, and clutched hold of his arm.  It was at that moment I realised that his leg must have still been hurting him, because he became quite off balance and stumbled a little away from me.  I held onto him though to steady him and leaned closer to him.  I’m afraid I was a little forward in my behaviour Dear Diary, and I blush to think of it now.  He seemed startled and to his credit restrained himself well.

Gentleman as he is, he was politeness itself as he backed away from me and tipped his hat.  I quoted a little Shakespeare at him and know I impressed him, as he looked at me for a full minute without speaking.  As he rode off into the night my heart was beating quickly and I found it quite difficult to contain my feelings for him.

I am so pleased Dear Diary that we have reached the point where we have an understanding with each other.  I think he has finally come to realise that we are made for each other, and our lives are destined to be intertwined.  I will sleep tonight content with my thoughts.

Dear Diary,

Today was rather uneventful, and I was still quite excited from the events of last night.  At one stage when the class were working quietly I looked up to see young Joseph’s eyes on me as if deep in thought and I smiled at him.  He seem a bit embarrassed to have been caught looking at me.  I wonder if Adam has been speaking of me at home and the boy has heard something?  I do hope not, for I wouldn’t like him to realise the extent of Adam’s feelings for me.  It could embarrass the boy further.  It would be very difficult for a child to have their brother madly in love with their teacher.  I must remember to caution Adam to be somewhat discreet.

Dear Diary,

Joseph was back again to his worst today.  I had to discipline him again with a few slaps on the hand, and when I mentioned contacting his brother again the boy actually told me that his brother wouldn’t come to see me anymore.  Imagine the cheek of it!  Well I certainly put him in his place and promptly wrote another letter requesting that he does.  As the weekend is coming up I imagine I’ll have to wait until Monday for this to happen, but in the meantime of course there is always Church on Sunday to look forward to.

Dear Diary,

Today being Saturday, I had no intention of running into my lovely man, but did I get a shock when I saw him this afternoon in town!  He was waiting near the Stage Office for his father who was apparently due back today from San Francisco.  It was strange, but when I saw him from across the street and waved he didn’t really see me at first.  By the time I had made it across the street he had actually walked off a way and I had to search until I found him inside the Stage Office.  The silly thing was crouched down behind the counter.  So sweet of him to help out by looking for something that had obviously been dropped on the floor.  I offered to help too, but he gave me a rather strange smile and told me not to bother.

I offered to wait with him until the stage got in, but he wouldn’t hear of it.  He urged me to leave and go home – such a dear thing he is to be so considerate of me standing in the sun like that!  I assured him that I was fine, and took the opportunity to tell him of my plans for some future hymns we might learn for the Choir.  I suggested perhaps a duet for the two of us.  I feel that our voices would just be heavenly together as they are both very fine and seem to blend well together.  Of course it would mean some extra practices for just the two of us, but I am more than willing to give the time.

The darling is so shy about his talent that he became quite agitated at the suggestion, but I assured him that I would do whatever it takes to help him learn the hymns.  He is so sweet and shy about his wonderful voice.  I love a modest man!

At that moment the stage appeared and I felt it best to leave him to greet his father.  I am not one for pushing myself on people, and pride myself on knowing when to tactfully step away.  I’m very good like that!  I’m really a people person, and very intuitive.  I could sense that Adam wanted some time alone with his father, and so I gave it to them.

Dear Diary,

Today my darling was at the Service as usual.  Unfortunately he didn’t think he was ready to sing with the choir, and in spite of me urging him to sing with us, he declined.  I really need to work on that man’s self esteem!

I really sang well today, and I’m sure everyone was impressed.  It makes me feel wonderful to think that I’m able to share my gift with the community in this way.  The Reverend actually asked me if I had considered stepping down from my position as head of the choir for while, as he felt that I should save my voice for special occasions and not sing every week. What a dear sweet man to think of me like that.  I told him of course that I wouldn’t hear of it, and that he can rest assured that he has me to sing every week for as long as I’m needed.  I’m sure I set his mind at rest!

After the Service was over I went to look for my darling, but strangely he had already left.  His family was still there though, and I took a moment to speak to Mr Cartwright about Joseph.  He assured me that he would come in tomorrow to speak about his son’s behaviour.  I suggested that it might be better for Adam to come instead, seeing as how he had been so involved during the last few weeks, but Mr Cartwright assured me that he would take over disciplining Joseph now.  Joseph didn’t look too happy about that remark!  Perhaps with his father back he will improve?  I certainly hope so.

Everyone was abuzz with the news of the picnic to take place after next Sunday’s Service.  I had hoped that Adam and I could have made our plans to attend together, but obviously we will need to firm up our arrangements during the week.  I will pack an extra special picnic basket to tempt him.  A woman needs to show her man that she is adept in the culinary arts, as it is so important to her future worthiness as a wife.

I’m afraid I’m being a little bold in thinking that way, but my darling is obviously so enraptured with me that I must confess it has crossed my mind.  To be mistress of The Ponderosa would be a dream come true for me!  I wonder if he’s mentioned it to his father yet?

Dear Diary,

Today was rather uneventful, except that Mr Cartwright came to see me as promised about Joseph.  I know where Adam gets his good looks and charm from, as his father is certainly a striking man as well.

After we had had finished speaking about Joseph I enquired about Adam’s health as well.  I mentioned his hurt leg to his father, but strangely he didn’t seem to know anything about it.  Dear unselfish man!  He obviously didn’t want his family to be concerned about him. I hinted at our relationship to Mr Cartwright, but I know that I was very discreet about it.  Still, I do think it is time that we started to give him an indication of our true feelings for each other.

We live in a small town after all, and people will begin to gossip soon about the two of us keeping company.  We must avoid scandal at any cost, so I do feel it is best to be as open as possible about our relationship together.  I think his father had a bit of a shock when I hinted at it, but I’m sure that Adam will set him straight about it.

Dear Diary,

I do believe that young Joseph doesn’t like me very much.  His behaviour today was impeccable and I believe that his father’s return has had something to do with that, but I caught him several times today giving me quite a glare when he thought I wasn’t looking at him.  I certainly hope this doesn’t continue, for with my deepening relationship with his brother it could become quite awkward.

I will have to be careful how I treat the child in future.  I tried to get off on the right foot with him today, but he resisted all my advances.  I was forced to keep him in at recess and explain to him that I was being quite hard on him in order to help him, but I don’t think he really believed me.  I took the opportunity to ask him a little about his brother and his interests, but the boy was quite surly towards me and practically told me it was none of my business.

Silly young thing just doesn’t realise the extent of my relationship with his brother.  At least my mind is at rest that Adam has been extremely discreet about it.  When I do eventually become part of that family I will have to make sure that Joseph knows the correct way to behave.  It is obvious that without a woman’s guidance he has become rather wild, and I hope that I could fill that gap in his life.  A positive female role model could only help the poor child, and I know that he could get none better than me.  Well, time will tell.

Dear Diary,

I have been quite anxious all day, as tonight was Choir Practice again.  I knew that Adam would want to discuss our plans for the picnic on Sunday when we met, so imagine my surprise when Joseph handed me a letter today from his brother to tell me that he wouldn’t be able to attend.  It seems that he is otherwise occupied.

Strange that he didn’t say how, and when I asked Joseph about it he gave quite a funny look and merely shrugged his shoulders.  When I cautioned him about his bad manners he merely looked at me in silence.  Really, that boy needs a woman’s discipline!

My poor darling!  I hope he isn’t ill!  Perhaps they are keeping it from the boy so as not to upset him?  I must make enquiries about it around town.

Dear Diary,

No one seemed to know what is wrong with Adam.  I made several enquiries about him, and a couple of people said that they had actually seen him last night drinking in the Saloon.  I know that couldn’t possibly be true, as my darling would never frequent a place like that.  The demon alcohol is something that I know he would never be tempted with.  Apart from the fact that those Saloon places are places for certain jezebels to air their common ways and have men ogle them! No, my darling would never have been seen there and I’m sure they were mistaken.

I do hope he is all right!  I am getting a little anxious about the picnic on Sunday, as we haven’t yet made our plans.

Dear Diary,

Still no word from Adam.  I expected that Joseph might have had a letter for me again today, but I was sorely disappointed.  Nevertheless I am keeping myself busy with the preparations, and have begun to plan the menu for our picnic basket.  I will need to air my new blue dress tomorrow and be sure to iron my ribbons that match.  I expect to look my best for my darling.

Dear Diary,

As today is Saturday, I thought my darling might have been in town to collect supplies, but even though I waited around the Mercantile all morning he didn’t appear. His brother Hoss did however, and I took the opportunity to question him about Adam’s health.

He seemed to be rather vague about it, but then everyone knows that Hoss is extremely shy with women.  Someone of my outstanding beauty and charm would certainly have intimidated him, and even though I was as gentle as possible with him I know he would have been very shy with me.  He did tell me, however, that his brother was not coming into town all day.

I resolved to take the bull by the horns so to speak and go to see him.  I really couldn’t think of any excuse to do so, but simply gathered up the hymns that we would be singing tomorrow and took them to him for him to practice.  I was rather pleased with my little excuse, and hoped that he wouldn’t see through it.

I must say I think he got somewhat of a shock when I appeared on the doorstep.  His father was so courteous and polite, as was their cook Hop Sing.  They greeted me most warmly and offered me afternoon tea, which I most graciously accepted.

Joseph, I fear, was not so pleased to see me.  He mumbled something about doing his chores which I could see quite amazed his father, and disappeared.  That boy will certainly feel the sharp end of my tongue when I become part of The Ponderosa!  A strong woman’s hand is what he needs!

Adam himself was speechless when I arrived.  The darling could hardly say a word and merely looked at me with his mouth open.  Such a lovely surprise he must have had!  I gave him the music and suggested that we have a little practice together, but he told me quite curtly that he was capable of learning them by himself.  It seems that his self-esteem is improving after all!  I’m so glad that I am able to help him in this way!

It wasn’t ling before Hoss reminded my darling of the work they had to do.  I could see he was most anxious to get away to it, and so I was determined not to keep him any longer than was necessary. A hard-working man is so to be admired!

My enquiries about his health were met with silence, and I have a little suspicion that I may have put my foot into it.  I hope I didn’t embarrass him when I mention it, but I must confess that I had been rather anxious about him.  He seemed to be very hesitant to mention it in front of his father, so I let the subject drop.

As he left I also mentioned my intention to go, and dropped what I felt was a very subtle hint about tomorrow’s picnic on the way out.  He actually didn’t answer me, but I knew that he might have been a bit embarrassed about it in front of his family, so I was once again my discreet self and didn’t push the matter.  We gave each other a knowing look that I’m sure went unnoticed by the others, and I came away secure in the knowledge that I would be there for him in the morning.

Dear Diary,

I’m afraid it was difficult to contain myself during the Service today, as thoughts of the picnic kept entering my head.  I pictured myself in a secluded spot with my darling, and visions of a wonderful kiss kept flashing in front of my eyes.  I was sure that today would be the day when we would take our relationship to a new level.

I really surpassed myself today with the singing, and at one stage felt everyone else stop just so that they could listen to me.  Dear things!  I actually noticed a couple of them with tears in their eyes, they were so overcome by it all.  I really feel that my voice is improving with all the extra practice I have been putting in.  I must remember to mention to the Reverend about the duet idea with Adam, as I’m sure he would be most keen for it to happen.

Just when I thought my darling was getting over his shyness with his singing, he went all modest again on me today.  I practically had to drag him to the front of the congregation to make him join in, but eventually he did.  I must confess I can be a tad determined when I want to be, and I am certainly determined that his voice will shine out for all to hear. I must say he didn’t look too pleased about it, but I’m very confident that his shyness will pass.

Jennifer Parkins was there in the congregation today.  Really, you would think that the girl would have taken notice of my little pieces of advice last week, but it seems as though she hasn’t.  Her dress was once again rather low-cut, and far too unsuitable for church.  And those ringlets!  I made sure that she felt quite uncomfortable by glaring at her throughout the ceremony.  Really she should have had more sense!

I felt justifiably proud of my appearance today.  My lovely new dress was very fetching, and the blue ribbons just set it off to perfection.  I felt everyone looking at me as well they night, for it truly was a stunning outfit. I don’t believe in doing things by halves and had gone all out with my appearance today.  I’m sure my darling noticed, and beamed proudly for me as I basked in everyone’s attention.

Straight after the Service I hurried home to get my picnic basket. It was very heavy, as I had made sure that I had included all his favourites.  I had taken the opportunity to ask Hop Sing yesterday what he liked, and he had given me quite a few hints about what to make.  I hope my darling didn’t hear me when I asked, as I was hoping to have quite a few surprises for him.

When I arrived at the picnic grounds I was disappointed to see him already sitting with his family eating, but I might have known that he wouldn’t abandon them straight away.  Dear unselfish man!  Always so considerate of others.  I made sure that I positioned myself near enough so that he could see me, but far enough away so that he could have his privacy with his family.

He mustn’t have noticed me at first, for he moved and sat with his back towards me.  Poor thing missed a wonderful opportunity to look at me in my finery without giving others the opportunity to gossip about it, but then he is the epitome of discretion after all!  Joseph noticed me straight away and scowled at me as he chewed his sandwich.  That boy!  I am really beginning to take quite a dislike to him I fear.  The sooner I get him under control the better I think.

I tried not to eat too much, as I always pride myself on my lady-like manners and also wanted to save some choice titbits for my darling, but I’m afraid my hunger got the better of me and I began to tuck into the feast I had prepared.  In fact so engrossed was I in eating that I missed my darling when he left the area, and when I looked over again he was gone!

I quickly packed up the remaining food and began to search for him.  No mean feat I can assure you!  That man seemed to have quite disappeared from the face of the earth, and it wasn’t until I heard a group of children giggling that I saw him siting under the branches of a large willow tree, the object of their attentions.  I quickly shooed the children away and walked in that direction.  Imagine my surprise when I noticed that he wasn’t alone!

Jennifer Parkins was with him, and he had his arm around her.  She must have been quite upset over something, as he was holding her close and whispering something into her ear.  I came closer to hear what was being said.  I pride myself on being a very discreet person and would never stoop to eavesdropping, but I felt that if the girl was upset over something then maybe I would be able to help.

Thankfully, I heard not the sound of tears, but laughter instead.  Whatever had been her problem, my darling had been able to turn her mood around very quickly.  Dear sweet man – such a help to others!  Nevertheless I felt that Jennifer might still need a woman’s shoulder, and so I quickly made my presence felt.  They were so surprised when I popped out from behind the tree that they both stared at me for a full minute.  I sensed their uncertainty with the situation, and felt a little embarrassment on Jennifer’s part.  Of course the poor girl didn’t want everyone to know what her problem was, and I assured her that I would be the soul of discretion about it.

It was at that moment that things took a strange turn.  Jennifer practically leapt to her feet and began shouting at me to go away, and I sensed that she was really losing control of herself.  Poor girl!  She did come from quite an unbalanced family, and couldn’t really be responsible for acting like that, but oh dear the things she said!  I blush to think of them even now.

She seemed to be under the impression that I was disturbing them, and mentioned how I wasn’t wanted when she and Adam were together.  I found it hard to believe Dear Diary, but I had the distinct impression that she felt that there was something between them. Poor delusional girl! I felt that she needed to be snapped into reality quickly, so I did the only thing I felt I could.

I stepped forward and gave her a strong push backwards.  I didn’t realise that it was as hard as it turned out to be though, and she actually landed on her bottom in the lake behind her.  The three of us were still for moment, all transfixed at what had happened.  I’m afraid my darling must have felt that I acted a bit in haste, because he gave me what could only be described as a disappointed look and reached over to help Jennifer to her feet.

The poor girl really lost control at that moment, and to be honest I was rather taken aback by her lunging toward me.  Adam held onto her of course for he couldn’t have borne to see me upset in any way, but she struggled in his arms and continued to shout all sorts of unkind things to me.  I’m afraid that she really showed her common side at this point, and I was rather embarrassed for her.  I held my head high and tried to act like a lady in spite of it all, but she was becoming rather unbalanced at this point, and I was glad when Adam began to drag her away.

A small crowd had gathered around us by this time, and I was most embarrassed for Jennifer.  Her outburst had only shown her up in a bad light, but then as I commented to those around me – blood will always tell!  They must have agreed with me as they hurried away quickly so as not to cause any more of a scene than was necessary.

Poor darling Adam!  Of course now he had felt obligated to take the girl home.  What else could he do after all?  I felt for him – I really did.  His day had been ruined by her selfishness and I resolved to try and at least salvage some of it for him.

He must have felt for me as well.  He would have hated for me to be embarrassed in this way, and I wanted to make sure that he knew I was all right.  As I made my way across the field, I saw Joseph and his young friends clustered together.  I watched them suspiciously from afar, and swear that they were talking about me!  I had the distinct feeling that they may have been commenting on the incident, and I sincerely hoped not.  Children should never witness such lack of control on the part of adults.  It doesn’t do them any good to see poor role models like that!

I waited back in my picnic spot for Adam to return, but he seemed to be taking an extraordinary amount of time doing so.  After a while I wandered over to Mr Cartwright and enquired if he knew how long Adam would be.  Dear man that he is obviously didn’t want me to be troubled about the delay, so he assured me that I wasn’t to wait.  I told him it wasn’t any bother, but I don’t think that he believed me.  He really urged me to leave, in fact he was kindness itself!

I thought perhaps he was right. After all, Adam may have wished to go straight home and not be any more embarrassed than he already obviously had been.  So I decided to go home after all.  It occurred to me that I could go via Jennifer’s house, just to see if he were still there.  Sure enough, his horse was tied outside.

I wondered whether or not to stay and wait for him, but felt at this point to move on.  After all, my strong intuition was telling me that he would probably be looking for an excuse to leave her right about now, and if she saw me outside then she could lose her dignity again.

It troubles me, Dear diary, that this girl feels that my darling is interested in her.  I cannot believe that he has given her the slightest indication that he is, and can only surmise that she has misinterpreted his innocent words and actions towards her. Some people can be so slow to pick up on signals, even when they are very clear to everyone else around them.  I cannot help but feel pity for her, even though she is a common little thing.

As I rest my head tonight I will make a resolution that my darling should never have to go through that kind of embarrassment again.  I will everything in my power to keep such things away from him in the future, even if it means I must become a little possessive of him.  My darling will be safe in my care!

I will rest tonight secure in the knowledge that no matter what it takes I will defend my man against any who try to hurt him.  I do believe that it is time for our relationship to become more public, so starting tomorrow I will perhaps start a little rumour about us.  Ordinarily I don’t believe in rumours of course, and I am the soul of discretion when it comes to gossip. But there are times when it can be very useful, and I do believe that this is one of those times.

Rest assured my love that no one will come between us again.  I will make very sure that everyone in town is left with the very strong impression that we are now an item.  I know that you will thank me for taking the burden off your shoulders.  I know how shy you are about these things.  Starting tomorrow everyone in Virginia City will be talking about us.  And that common Jennifer Parkins will know for sure that she has no chance with you.

Tomorrow is the beginning of another school week, so I need to get to bed early for my beauty sleep.  So goodnight Dear Diary, until tomorrow!

The End