Summary: Ben gets word that Joe is lying wounded in Sand Dust after being chased through the desert by a psychopath and hurries to find him while reflecting on the lives of all his sons. Inspired by “The Hunter.” Rating T, WC 28,821

Through the Years

*** Through the years, through all the good and bad I knew how much we had, I’ve always been so glad to be with you.  Through the years it’s better every day, you’ve kissed my tears away.  As long as it’s okay, I’ll stay with you through the years.  Through the years, when everything went wrong, together we were strong, I know that I belonged right here with you.  Through the years I’ve never had a doubt, we’d always work things out, I’ve learned what life’s about, by loving you through the years. *** (Excerpt from song, “Through the Years, written by, Steve Dorff and Marty Panzer)

The weathered leather creaked as Ben Cartwright wearily pulled his right leg across his saddle and dismounted.  He removed the two canteens from the saddle horn and approached the stream, trailing Buck along with him.  Setting both canteens into the water, he weighed them down with a few rocks, so he’d have time to figure out his next move while letting them fill themselves.  Ben looked up at the sky.  *** Almost dark – if the sun would just stay up a little while longer, I could probably make it to you tonight, Joseph. *** He thought and sighed.   Ben had been on the various trails leading to the town of Sand Dust for better than two days and hadn’t even taken the time to set up a proper camp every night since leaving the Ponderosa.  He’d eaten hardtack and beef jerky, neither being something he was fond of.  But he had to get to his son, it was the driving force which propelled him onward.

“What do you say, Buck?  You think the two of us old codgers can make another five or ten miles before dark?” Ben called over to his horse who was happily lapping the cool water that the stream provided.

Ben hefted the canteens out of the water, capped and settled them back to their former position.  “Let’s give it a shot,” He called to the horse and set his left boot in the stirrup, pulling his right leg back across the saddle.  “Come on, a little faster if you please,” Ben patted Buck’s neck as he gave a slight tap to its sides.

Just as he had done every waking hour since hearing about Joseph lying hurt in the town of Sand Dust, Ben had worried and prayed.  Neither action was new to him, as a father he had done more than his share of both.  For some strange reason he couldn’t get it out of his head about seeing Joe falling against the cold stone hearth there inside of the ranch house.  His youngest son had just started walking and those first steps had been in the wrong direction.  As both his mother, Marie, and Ben had called over to the little boy and clapped their encouragement to urge him into their arms, Joseph had decided on his own to toddle off the other way and plowed into the stones of the fireplace.  Then both parents jumped from their positions on the floor and raced over to the eleven- month- old who had a good-sized gash on his forehead.  The odd thing was that Joseph wasn’t even crying and had stared at his mother and father with such an impish grin, as though they were playing a game with him and he was playing right back.  Ben had pulled the toddler up into his arms and pressed his neckerchief against the wound which was bleeding quite a bit.  Looking down at Marie it appeared as though she would faint until he had reassured her that their boy was tough.  Little Joe only began to cry when he saw the fear on his mother’s face which made Ben walk away from her, still holding the boy in his arms.  *** Now, Joseph, those were a good few steps you took, however, let’s not challenge that hearth just yet! *** Ben had cooed to his son. He brought the boy over to the red leather chair and placed him down on his lap, still pressing on the wound.  Next there was a barrage of movement as both Marie and Hop Sing gathered up a whole range of ointments and bandages to put on Little Joe’s wound.

“This is just the first of it, Marie,” Ben called to his wife, smiling knowingly.  “I can tell you right now – this boy of ours is going to get himself into a whole lot of trouble so it’d be wise if you’d just get used to this kind of thing,” Ben announced and then turned Little Joe around to look up at him.  “Isn’t that right, Joseph?”  To that, the little boy simply grinned up at Pa and then hugged his neck.  *** Yes, Joseph, you’re going to be a real handful I can see it already – but you’ll keep me on my toes! *** Pa grinned and gently patted the boy’s back.

Ben sighed and shook his head over the way his memories had taken him back to the very first time he had seen his youngest son get hurt.  He could have chosen any one of the numerous injuries that Joseph had under his belt by now, but for some strange reason it had been Joe careening into the fireplace which had plagued him the past two days.  There were far too many fearful incidents to recall, and each had caused his father great angst over the years.

“Joseph, how many times is it now anyway?  I stopped counting as has Doctor Martin.  Gunshots, arrows, cuts, falls that broke a bone or several, saloon brawls – well more things have happened to you than I can recall,” Ben spoke aloud and fought back the typical fear that always struck at his heart at times such as these.  “I think you were ten years old when you fell from the hayloft and broke your first bone – or were you twelve?  Hard to remember anymore.  I’m not even going to try and count how many times you’ve had that nose of yours broken or had to have stitches!  You must have a whole lot of your mother’s blood in you – and not mine – because there’s very few scars on your body – but Lord knows you should have a ton of them!”

“What was that man’s name – oh yes – General Arturo Diaz – that was it.  His band of what he called “soldiers” came to the ranch when you were about seventeen.  I remember seeing Cochise outside of the barn just as I got back home that night.  I was so mad at you for not stabling that horse of yours – and I even shouted for you to come out and take care of her.  The next minute I was flanked by several men and herded into the ranch house only to find you back-shot and lying on the sofa.  Dear Lord, I was scared when I’d realized that you were bleeding so badly!  My first move was to head right over toward those men – a fool thing to do being unarmed.  All I could think about was making them all pay for having hurt my boy.  But – well – I was much younger back then and a bit too impulsive – guess we both know where you get if from.  What’s that been – seven years now?”

Stopping his soliloquy for the moment, Ben realized he had made good time when he spotted the sign on the trail that read: “Sand Dust – five miles”.  He stared up at the sky once more.  The sun was setting but it appeared as though it would stay up just long enough for him to make the last five miles of the long journey.

“I’m almost to you, Joseph, now you hang in there.  Your father is going to make yet another grand entrance so you can fuss at me and tell me that I shouldn’t have come all this way,” Ben smiled at the thought and, once again, lightly kicked at Buck’s sides.

“I remember once racing poor old Buck here to get home to you after getting that wire that you’d been accidentally shot by your brother Adam when the two of you were out trying to hunt down that wolf.  I guess you moved too fast or Adam did, but regardless, that time you’d been both shot and bitten.  Now that was something that I never wanted to come home to!  And, as if that wasn’t bad enough, the house was shot up due to those thieves holding the medicine you’d needed hostage.  Adam almost left home over that incident but fortunately Hoss was able to talk some sense into him when I couldn’t.  Those boys of mine!” Ben groaned and wished that he could rid his mind of such morose musings, but he couldn’t.  “Of course, Adam did leave the ranch not too many years later and now he’s off tackling the world and writing me all about it,” Ben paused again and thought about his eldest and hoped that he’d find a way to make it home for a visit after he returned from his trip to Spain.  The anxious father went back to thoughts of his youngest.  If he could just lay his eyes on Joseph, he was sure that he could put these events in the back of his mind where they belonged and not in the forefront.  But ever since he had heard from an old friend, the sheriff in the town of Sand Dust, Samuel Hazelton, and learned that Joe was hurt after having almost been killed by a psychopath, the past had haunted him.

“I’ve also stopped counting how many times that you’ve been held hostage or had someone with an old grudge against me come after you, Joseph.  Then there’s the fall from horses, the gunfights, not to mention the two times I really should have lost you.  When that bottle of nitro fell off the top shelf and blew up the storage shed and caused you to be temporarily blinded – well – it’s just a miracle you weren’t blown to pieces.  And then there’s the time when that horse tromped you while Hoss and I were out with the herd.  You had such a bad break to your leg, it’s a wonder that you didn’t end up lame.  You set that bone yourself out in the barn and both Doc and I couldn’t believe it — well – you never cease to amaze me anymore.    But worst of all, after that horse got you good, — was that gangrene – or the start of it – which made you decide to lop off your own left arm!  Thank God that you passed out before you could do it or you would’ve died.  When I found you on the kitchen floor – and realized how bad off you were – well – I can tell you that I was sure that I was going to lose you that night.  Doc always told me that the reason why you survived all these harrowing injuries was because you came from good stock, but I don’t think that’s the real reason you’re still with me.  You’ve just got to have a guardian angel over your shoulder – who might not be paying attention when you get hurt – but they sure do double-time while you’re waiting for help to come!”

****************

Ben spotted a man lighting the first lantern on the main street of Sand Dust as he finally reached the town.  He had made it there just before total darkness had fallen.  Tying his horse’s reins out in front of the hotel, Ben turned when he heard a familiar voice calling out his name.

“You made good time, Ben,” The sheriff stated as he stepped up to the wooden walkway in front of The Arcadia Hotel.  He reached over to shake the other man’s hand.

“Sam – how are you?  Been awhile,” Ben smiled warmly and shook the outstretched hand of Sheriff Samuel Hazelton.

“Just a bit older than the last time I seen you – but still alive and kicking.”

“I can’t thank you enough for sending me that wire about Joseph.  How is he?”

“Oh, he’s settled in a room inside here.  That boy of yours – as I told your other two sons years ago – he sure finds himself in the worst fixes,” Sam shook his head as he stared into the father’s anxious eyes.

Ben nodded and returned, “I’d have to agree with you on that one, Sam.  Is the doctor with him?”

“No – I saw Doc Caulder just a few minutes ago he’s finishing with another patient, but he’s been tending to Joe pretty regular.  Meanwhile John and Helen inside here have been keeping an eye on him.  Why don’t you go grab your gear and go see him and I’ll take your horse to the livery for you?”

Ben smiled, grateful for the man’s understanding, as he patted the sheriff’s arm, “I sure would appreciate that, Sam, I’ve been worried sick ever since I heard what happened.  I just want to lay my eyes on Joseph and then maybe I’ll be able to finally catch my breath.”

Sam nodded as Ben stepped back down into the street and unloaded his gear.  He climbed back up to the sidewalk ready to step inside.

“I’ll be back to fill you in on everything I’ve learned since I sent you that wire, Ben.  But all that can keep until you rest up a bit,” Sam grinned and grabbed Buck’s reins and headed across the street to the livery stable.

“Thanks again, Sam,” Ben called over his shoulder as he opened the door to the hotel.

**************

*** Well, this brings back memories. *** Ben thought to himself as his eyes scanned the interior of the hotel lobby.  *** Can it be five years since I found you in this town after that lecherous doctor Hosea Simpson, or to be more precise Steven Hale, got a hold of you and hurt your leg so bad that I had to come fetch you and take you back in a stagecoach, Joseph?  What we went through back then –. *** Ben had to put aside that awful reminder of his first trip to Sand Dust and get back to the reality that was now facing him.

“Ben!” A man called as he stepped from the back parlor and headed to the front desk.

“John – so good to see you,” He smiled warmly and shook the man’s hand.  “I guess you knew I’d be coming, huh?”

John Casey laughed and nodded, “Oh yes, Helen and I both knew the minute that your son was brought inside here by Doc Caulder and Sam that you’d be coming to fetch the boy.  We set Joe up in a room with two beds knowing that his pa would be arriving as soon as he could.  Thought you wouldn’t get here until tomorrow though.”

“I rode pretty much straight through.  Well – you know – no matter how old one of your children gets you’re going to worry about them until you see them with your own two eyes,” Ben replied unabashedly.  It wouldn’t have mattered to him if Joseph was sixteen or sixty, he would’ve rushed to be with him once he’d heard he had been hurt.

John nodded and returned, “Well, we all remember that time we first tended Joe, when he gets hurt it’s never been of his own doing.  Let’s forgo the registry book and I’ll take you up to him.  Doc said he’d be over here to see about Joe as soon as he’s finished with his other patients.”

“Then you have a REAL doctor now?” Ben’s question had come out with a lot of irony along with the subtle reminder of the doctor who had done so much damage to Joe all those years ago.

John chuckled as they climbed the stairs to the guest rooms.  “Oh yes, Doc Caulder is a good man – and a fine doctor.  He’s taken good care of Joe from what Helen and I’ve witnessed.  Here we are,” he announced and opened the door to room three.

**************

Drawing in a deep breath unsure as to how he would find his son inside the room, Ben attempted to hide his concern just in case Joe was awake.  He needn’t have worried as his son was sound asleep on the bed.  Ben tossed his gear down on the other bed on the opposite side of the room and moved over to sit down in the chair next to Joe.

“Well, I’ll leave the two of you alone for now, Ben.  I’ve got to help Helen in the kitchen – she’s busy cooking right now.  I’ll bring you and Joe up some supper when it’s ready, okay?”

“Thank you, John — it’s been a comfort to me knowing that the two of you would watch over Joseph until I could get here.  He seems pretty much out of it.”

John nodded and answered, “Doc’s been giving him laudanum – that arm of Joe’s was in pretty bad shape from what he said.  But it’s in a good solid cast now – I expect he’ll be okay.   Doc will talk to you more about what he had to do to fix it when he gets here.”

“Don’t let me hold you up, John – I’ll thank you and Helen at least a dozen more times before the night’s out.”

John smiled and walked out of the room closing the door behind him.

Raising a shaky hand up to his son’s tousled hair, Ben pushed aside the fallen bangs.  It was a simple gesture; one he’d done so many times without thinking about it whenever his son had been sick or hurt that it had become a ritual over the years.  He examined his boy’s face and frowned to see the severe sunburn along with the parched and cracked lips.  Sam had mentioned that Joseph had been tracked across the desert by a lunatic but there hadn’t been any mention as to how long the whole ordeal had lasted.  Placing the back of his palm against Joe’s forehead Pa tried to detect a fever but he was unsure if the boy felt hot or if it was just the heat radiating off his brow due to all the sunburn.

*** Well, Joseph – I suppose I was expecting you to be wide awake when I walked in here.  Then I figured you’d smile at me and next you’d be fussing at me that I’d come here at all.  You’d be insisting that you would be just fine and could manage to ride home even with a cast weighing down that arm of yours. *** Ben mused to himself as he touched at the heavy plaster cast holding down his son’s right arm which was propped up on a pillow.   Ben looked across the room at the second basin of water next to his own bed and decided to take care of the trail dust he had all over him.  *** Might just as well spruce up some so you won’t harp on me looking so old and haggard.  I swear sometimes you act like you are the “Pa” anymore – and not the other way around.  The way you worry about me – I guess you don’t think I’m as strong as I was when you were little? *** Ben stood and softly combed his fingers through his son’s hair before walking across the room to clean off a bit.

Having just enough time to drink some water and make good use of the water basin and soap before he heard the soft moan coming from across the room, Ben turned and stared over at Joe.  He dried his hands and face on the towel and hurried back to his son’s side, this time sitting right on the bed next to him.  Ben watched the hazel eyes blink open and shut again several times, still trying to home in on the figure sitting on the left side of the bed.

“Pa?’” Joe asked hoarsely, his throat parched from the laudanum and hours of being asleep due to its potency.  He cast a bewildered glance around the unfamiliar room and then once again attempted to focus on his father’s face.  For a while he was sure that it wasn’t Ben Cartwright sitting there but just some kind of a fevered dream he was having.  “Pa – is it you?”

Ben chuckled and placed a calloused hand against his son’s right cheek.  “And you were expecting whom?” He asked filled with irony and a bit of amusement over his son’s confusion.

Joe’s mind might have been a little muddled and his vision a bit impaired, but he knew his Pa’s voice and the familiar touch of his hand.  “No-one but you, Pa,” He grinned.

“We’ve just got to stop meeting like this, Joseph,” Ben quipped and then dropped his hand down and rested it onto his son’s left arm.

“Yeah – that’s for sure,” Joe nodded and then he finally got a good look at his father’s careworn face.  “Pa – you shouldn’t have come all the way out here – well – wherever I am.  I’m okay— looks like I’ve just got a busted arm – I could’ve gotten myself home just fine.”

“I wish I had been able to place a bet on that,” Ben sighed.

“Huh?”

“I knew that those would be your first words to me, Joseph.  Now – how’s that arm feeling?”

Trying to ease his father’s worry Joe replied, “Just fine.”

“Let’s try that one again.  How’s the arm?”

Joe grinned wryly, “Okay— it’s a bit stiff, Pa.”

“Okay – let’s go for the third and final time.  How’s your arm?” Ben persisted, his eyebrows narrowing, seeking honesty from his son for a change.

“Giving me fits and it hurts.  There – is that what you wanted from me, Pa?” He frowned.

“Of course – because never in your entire life have you told me the truth the first two times I ask you anything,” Ben laughed and patted his son’s good arm.  “Sam said the Doc is going to be by in just a little while.  We’ll see what he has to say about how you’re doing then.”

“Sam?” Joe questioned, still confused about where he was and how long he’d been laid up.

“Joseph, you’re in Sand Dust.  From what little I was told in a wire from Sam Hazelton a miner found and lugged you across the back of his pack mule here – almost twenty miles.  I guess you’ve been here almost four full days.  I left as soon as the wire got to me late that first night.”

“You got here in under three days?” Joe returned, totally amazed.

“Oh – so you don’t think your old broken-down Pa can still ride as fast as you can?”

Joe smiled and shook his head, “I would NEVER say that Pa.  It’s just – well – a long hot ride from the ranch.  It’s just a broken arm – you know I’ve had plenty of those.  You didn’t have to rush out here like you did.”

“I didn’t mind – but poor old Buck is tired. He’s happily resting at the livery right now,” Ben nodded to his son trying to alleviate the worry he saw on the boy’s face.

“You should do the same thing, Pa,” Joe insisted.

“No – I’ve never liked sleeping in a livery stable,” Ben quipped.

Joe shook his head and grinned at his father who seemed to be putting on a pretty good act at the time pretending that he hadn’t been worried.  Joe knew better.  Pa was Pa – and he would always worry.

“Actually, I was referring to that bed across the room,” Joe pointed.  “Why don’t you go get a few winks before the sawbones shows up and makes all kinds of noise?”  The more he dwelled on Pa’s long ride and the haste in which he had done it, the more Joe worried about his father’s health.

Ben pensively scrubbed at his chin and stared hard at his son before replying.  “I wonder exactly when it happened?”

“Huh?  What – me getting chased through the desert and breaking my arm?”

Ben shook his head and then glared at his son.  “No — when you decided that YOU were the father around here and not ME.”

Looking sheepishly up into his father’s stern visage he apologized, “Sorry – but everything I’ve learned about being a good son is from watching you through the years being a great father.”

Ben patted his son’s left arm and chuckled, “Good answer, Joseph.  Now let’s get some water into you and then YOU are going to be the one resting, Young Man.”

“Yes, Pa,” Joe nodded dutifully.  “Commence to fussing over me, you’ve got my permission,” he quipped with a smile.

Ben stood from the bed and poured a glass of water and helped raise his son’s head.  Joe drank half of the contents before waving the glass away.

“Hey, Pa?”

“Yes?”

Forcing a stringent appearance to his facial expression, Joe returned, “You kind of let me down, you know?”

Ben knew his son far too well to fall for the forced severeness on his face.  “Oh?  Now how’s that?”

“I figured the first thing that you’d say to me was the old “why weren’t you more careful, Joseph” – you know?”

Grinning, Ben nodded and asked, “Why weren’t you more careful, Joseph?”

“Somehow I just knew you were going to ask me that,” Joe returned with an impish grin on his face.  His spirits had perked up the minute that he had realized his father was there next to him on the bed regardless of what he had said about not needing him to help get him home.

“You’re in pretty good spirits for a young man with a busted arm.  It must have something to do with what that doctor has been giving you.  Now, Young Man, you close those eyes for a while, and I’ll go stow my gear.  I’ll wake you when the doctor gets here.”

Joe simply closed his eyes without another argument.  His arm was hurting and he was still on edge from the traumatic flight for his life he had experienced due to the psychopath who had tried to hunt him down and kill him.  But now his Pa was there next to him and that made all the difference.  Joe knew that he could rest easy now knowing that he was in the overly protective presence of the one person he loved and trusted most in the world.

*************

Once again Joe was deep underneath the blanket of exhausted sleep when he heard the whispered voices.  He tried to pull himself out from the murky depths of random and disjointed visions of his ordeal in the desert playing out in his mind, but it was taking a while to do so.

“Mister Cartwright, as I said your son went through quite a traumatic ordeal before he was brought into town.  He was out of his head with delirium and very badly dehydrated.  A miner by the name of Jed Billings was nice enough to get him here but he had to sling him face down across his pack mule.  When I had the chance to talk to the man he just said he couldn’t get much from Joe other than his name and that some man was still out there trying to hunt him down to kill him.  Jed told us that he kept trying to tell the boy that the other man was lying dead in that jail but for some reason Joe didn’t believe it.  Your son must have been running through the desert for quite some time – and unarmed at that.  As you can see, he’s got a severe case of sunburn, and perhaps that, along with heat exhaustion from running so hard through the desert, made him a little out of his head.  Now —as for his arm,” Doctor Caulder paused and touched at the heavy plaster cast.  “Evidently your son attempted to set it while he was still on the run – so it had no chance of knitting together.  He’s got a compound fracture – the bone split in two and part of it was still sticking out through the top of his forearm when he was brought into my office.  I had a very difficult time trying to get a good set.  And afterwards, I had to suture the area where one part of the bone broke through the skin.  When he can make it back to your home, you’ll need your local doctor to remove the cast and take out those sutures and once again put a cast back on it for about six weeks.”

Ben sat next to the bed taking in all the information and formulating his own prognosis in his mind.

“But—Doctor, you do think Joseph’s arm will heal in time, right?” Ben inquired hopefully.

Sighing and giving a noncommittal shrug he returned, “That’s going to have to do with your son’s healing abilities and how well he takes care of himself.”

“How about the pain?  Has he had a rough go of it?” Pa questioned still looking down at his son’s arm propped up on the pillow next to him.

“Yes, it was intense as you can just imagine — what with that bone sticking out of his forearm — I had to give him laudanum.   But I expect after the dose that I’ll give him tonight I can move him down to something not quite so strong tomorrow.”

“Pa?” Joe whispered groggily as he opened his eyes and stared back and forth between the two men there next to his bed.  “What’s going on?” He asked, still somewhat dazed.

Ben and the doctor exchanged subtle glances and then stared down at Joe.

“Joe? Do you remember me?” Doc Caulder asked softly.

Joe squinted up at the man and responded, “Are you the doctor who set my arm?”

The other man nodded and replied, “Yes – you were very much out of it when I did it – so it’s no wonder you don’t remember much.  How’s that arm feeling?”

Joe glanced over at Pa and knew what he was thinking after he recalled his father’s earlier questions.  “Um – maybe a little stiff.”

“Joseph,” Ben sent out a warning in his tone of voice as he stared at his son unamused by his answer. He had expected him to be truthful at least with the doctor.

“Okay – it does smart a bit,” Joe added, wincing his face over the stern gaze Pa was directing his way.

Doctor Caulder reached for the laudanum and a tablespoon and poured a good dose and then put it up to his patient’s lips.  “Last dose of the good stuff, Joe – tomorrow we’ll give you something a bit milder.  But this will help you rest tonight with little pain.”

“I want to go home tomorrow,” Joe insisted after he had swallowed the medicine.  He avoided Pa’s eyes because he knew what he’d see in them and that would be a definite “no” to what he was suggesting.

The doctor turned around to face his patient’s father and said, “Listen – I suggest you both stay here at least another day to rest.  And then if the pain isn’t too great – and as long as you will help your son in and out of the saddle – and take the trip home slowly he can leave the day after. I’ll give Joe a sling to help hold that arm in place.  Now I want you to keep checking this daily, Mister Cartwright.”  Doctor Caulder paused and reached for the fingers on Joe’s right hand.  “Press down like this,” He instructed as he pushed down with his thumb onto the nailbeds of each finger.  If Joe’s fingernails spring back to the normal pink color when you lift your thumb off it means he’s doing okay and the circulation is good.  If that changes and the color fails to come back — then get him to a doctor quickly, as it might mean that something has shifted under that cast and the blood flow is being inhibited.  Other than those stipulations — well — just take it easy, both of you, and you should get home okay.”

Ben had stood there next to the doctor watching all that he had shown him and took note of everything that he had instructed regarding his son’s care.  He breathed a sigh of relief.  Though he had some concerns, it sounded to him like Joe had a good chance of regaining the use of his right arm.

“Thank you, Doctor – I really appreciate all your help,” Ben reached over and shook the man’s hand gratefully.

“Mister Cartwright – if you don’t mind, I would like to talk to you outside for just a minute.”

Joe stared at his father and the doctor, his face taking on a quizzical appearance.  “Hey, I’m not a little kid – if whatever you’re planning on telling my father is about me then you can say it right in front of me!” Joe protested.

Ben walked to the door with Doc Caulder and cast an authoritative glare at his son.  “It’s about the bill you racked up with the doctor now you stay down, Joseph!” Ben sang out sternly and left the room with the other man closing the door behind him.

*************

“Well?” Ben asked worry creasing his brow.  “What is it?”

“I’ve talked to Sam and he’s gotten some more information in on the man who hunted your son down and none of it is pretty.  In fact, it’s horrifying.  I’m not sure just how much trauma your son went through out there running for his life and enduring so much.  He might have some issues in dealing with the whole event.  I just wanted you to be aware of it.  If Joe wants to talk about it then let him – but if not – just give him some time.  I want you to keep forcing fluids on him too, that young man was very dehydrated –and recovering from a break like he had – well he’ll need all the help you can give him.”

Ben nodded his understanding and returned, “Thank you – I’ll keep all of that in mind.  If he’s doing better the day after tomorrow, we’ll be leaving for our ranch over by Virginia City.  I’ll be sure to make it a slow and easy trip on my son.”

Doctor Caulder shook Ben’s hand once more and said, “That’s fine, Mister Cartwright, and I’ll be by with some other type of pain killer that might help him for the next few days.  I’ll stop by in the afternoon when I’m done with my other patients— but if you have any concerns just come and get me.”

“Thank you again,” Ben called to the doctor as he turned for the staircase.

*************

Joe’s gaze tracked to the door as his father made his way back inside the hotel room.  He pulled himself up in bed as much as he could, being weighed down by the heavy cast.

“So? What are you keeping from me?” He questioned suspiciously.

Ben sank down into the chair next to his son and grinned, “Well, unfortunately we aren’t going to get Doctor Martin’s rates in this town, so you’ve got a hefty bill to pay, Joseph.”

Frowning, Joe responded, “And you fuss at ME for not telling you the truth when you ask me a direct question!”

Ben patted Joe’s shoulder and addressed the situation.  “Relax, will you?  He just wanted to give me more instructions about how best to tend to you out on the trail.  That’s it.  Now John and Helen are going to be bringing us both up something to eat and then once that laudanum hits you, you’re going to sleep through the night – thereby allowing your poor old father to get some rest too.”

“You’ll never be old, Pa,” Joe insisted, grinning up at his father.

“After all that you’ve put me through over the years, Joseph – sometimes I do feel old.  Now you ease back down,” Ben urged and helped settle his son into a more reclined position while propping Joe’s cast back up onto the pillow at his side.  “There’s nothing to worry about, everything’s going to be just fine.”

Closing his eyes Joe whispered, “Hey, Pa?”

“Yes?”

“Glad you’re here,” He finally got the words out with a contented smile turning up the corners of his lips. No matter how much he had protested and argued that Pa didn’t have to hurry to the town of Sand Dust just to be with him, they both knew how much it meant to him to have his father at his side.

Ben shook his head and grinned down at his son as he watched him falling back off to sleep.  Joseph’s words had gotten to him, and he had to swipe away a few sentimental tears on his sleeve.  *** I’m glad I’m here too, Joseph. *** He thought as he bent forward and softly kissed his son’s forehead before retaking his place in the chair.

*************

The hotel owners had brought up some supper for both men and Ben had to persuade his son to do justice to the food trying to build his body up for the long trip ahead of them.  Afterwards Joe had fallen right back off to sleep, and after fussing over his son sufficiently for one night Ben had also decided to get some shuteye.  Unfortunately sleep just wouldn’t come.  His mind went back to everything that had happened in the last year.  Both Joe and he were still struggling with the sudden death of Hoss, and it wasn’t until he closed his eyes at night that the grief in his heart grew worse.  He missed his middle boy so much that it took his breath away some days.  Fortunately, he had Joseph right there at his side every minute during those first awful few months and that youngest of his had helped him in ways that no one else could have managed.  And all the while Ben knew that the loss of his brother was having the same effect on Joe, but he had held that back from him to hold his father together.  And now, at such times as these, in a strange hotel and worried about Joseph, the haunting thoughts of his middle boy crept into his mind and heart.  The only way he could make it through was to pretend that Hoss wasn’t really gone but, instead, on some trip and that he would be coming home someday.  It took that escape from reality for Ben to finally cast a look over at his youngest lying on the bed across the room and close his eyes.  He had Joseph to take care of, and odd as that seemed, it was a way for him to hold him closer than usual and hang onto the love he had for him.  There wasn’t one single day that went by that he didn’t thank God that he had left him Joseph.  He still had his eldest, Adam, but his visits were rare as he was the adventurer of the family and was currently heading to Madrid.  But Adam made sure to write letters regularly to keep his Pa apprised of his many challenges and achievements.  Ben sighed to himself.  He knew that nothing in life was promised, and he had learned the hard way to accept what life had dealt him.  Ultimately whether near or far, or even out of reach altogether, he loved all three of his sons as much as any father could and he carried each one of them in his heart always.

*** Goodnight, Joseph. *** Ben thought as he opened his eyes one last time and grinned over at the young man.  *** We’ll get through this gale, Son, we’ve gotten through far worse – don’t worry. ***

*************

Ben heard a faint sound coming from across the room and he attempted to pull himself from underneath the weighted blanket of slumber.  Too many long days in the saddle caused his body to protest his sudden movement as he sat up in bed and peered over to where his son lay.  Ben had left the lamp lit which sat on the nightstand right next to Joe and there was just enough kerosene left inside to see the stricken look displayed on his face.  He quickly advanced over to the bed just as Joe’s pleas grew louder and his head tossed back and forth showing his agitation.

“No – Tanner – no – Hoss?  Can you see him?  Where did Adam go?  No – he’s gaining on me – he’s coming!” Joe’s voice grew in volume and suddenly he shot up in bed.  “No!”

Ben eased down next to his boy and was waiting to grab his shoulders.  “Joseph – it’s okay – it’s okay now,” He attempted to calm him, his voice remaining monotone.

“Pa?” Joe questioned, confused to see his father there next to him.  His eyes shot around the room expecting nothing but desert surrounding him.

“Just a dream, Joseph – nothing more.”

Wincing as his left hand fell onto his cast, he tried to fight off both the pain from his injury and the fear which made his heart continue to race.  He dropped his head down to his chest and fought the pervasive terror that wouldn’t let go.

Ben reached over for the glass of water he had poured for his son right before he had drifted off earlier.  “Here—drink a bit.”

Joe’s left hand shook as he held the glass, and when he drank the contents half of it spilled down his chin and proceeded to soak the front of his nightshirt.  He had to regroup his emotions after seeing the worry etched all over Pa’s face.

“Tell me about it, Son,” Ben coaxed as he settled a hand onto his boy’s face.

With a slight shrug to his shoulders, Joe fought to pretend he was okay now.  “I’m fine, Pa – you go on back to sleep.”

“Joseph – come on,” He insisted.

“I – I don’t remember, Pa – it wasn’t anything.”

Sighing deeply Ben returned, “Joe, you were calling out for both of your brothers.  And I know that you do remember because I can read it in your eyes.”

“It’s nothing to worry you about,” Joe said and looked away from Pa’s questioning eyes; the ones that could always see beyond his lies.

“Joseph, stop treating me like I’m a frail old man – I’m not!  Now tell me so then we can both get some rest.”

Staring back into his father’s eyes he felt the qualms of guilt for what he had said.  It wasn’t that he thought his father was old, but Pa hadn’t been well after Hoss had died and it was his duty to keep him calm.  Joe already felt awful for having worried the man so much that he had pretty much rode straight through from the Ponderosa to Sand Dust, a journey that would’ve taxed a man half his father’s age.

“Pa, I’ve never thought of you as old,” Joe insisted.

“But you think of me as frail, is that it?” Ben raised his eyebrows in gesture, trying to seek the truth.

“No, Sir,” Joe whispered, but had to look away again, hoping that his words had come out sounding believable.

“The dream,” Ben coaxed.  “Tell me.”

Joe placed his cast down into his lap and finally looked back up at Pa.  “That time – you remember—when Adam was held by that man in the desert – I think his name was Kane?”

Ben nodded, “Yes, I remember – what about it?”

“We all searched for Adam for days—and you about fell out back then – due to worry.”

“Yes – but we found your brother – it all worked out – though it took Adam awhile to get over it – he did and was fine.  Now is that what you dreamt about?”

“I don’t know, Pa.  It was all disjointed – one minute it was Adam trying to escape from Kane and the next minute it was me running through the desert.  And then there was Hoss and he just showed up for a minute and disappeared.  None of it made sense but I guess it just got me worked up enough to wake us both up.  It was probably due to that laudanum — nothing to concern yourself with.  You know how I’ve always had nightmares – maybe I always will.”

Ben studied Joseph’s face, trying to ascertain if it was the right time to address what he had gone through during his terrible ordeal out in the desert, being hunted down while running for his life.

“Joseph if you want to –,” Pa began but Joe cut him off.

Placing his left hand onto his father’s arm, he shook his head.  “Not now, Pa— I can’t.”

Nodding his understanding, Ben softly ran his fingers through his son’s hair and replied, “That’s fine, Son – when you’re ready – I’ll listen.  Let’s get you and that cast situated, shall we?” He instantly helped ease Joe back into a reclining position and then propped the cast back up onto the pillow there at his right side.  He then stood from the bed.

“Pa – sorry I woke you,” Joe whispered, still filled with worry over his father’s health and how the trip must have taxed his body.

Grinning, Ben patted his son’s shoulder and replied, “I’ll be back to sleep just as soon as my head hits the pillow.  Now – I want you to do the same, Young Man.”

Forcing a smile, Joe nodded and closed his eyes.  “Good night, Pa.”

“Good night, Joseph – let’s have some pleasant dreams this time,” Ben whispered as he watched his son settling back some.  He stood there until he could tell that Joe was back under again.  *** Oh, Joseph, when are you going to stop worrying about me and allow me to be your father again? *** Ben sighed and then ran his hand across his son’s cheek before returning to his bed.

***************

“Well, I would say that you’re starting to get some color back into your cheeks, Joseph, but it’s kind of hard to tell with that sunburn of yours,” Ben chuckled as he removed the lunch tray from his son’s lap.  “Do I dare ask how your arm is feeling?”

“It’s fine, Pa – we could’ve left today like I said yesterday,” Joe complained as he leaned back against the headboard.

Ben sat down in the chair after leaving the tray on the nightstand and shook his head.  “I’ve always wondered where you get that stubborn streak of yours.”

Staring over at his father Joe’s eyes twinkled as he replied, “I’m not sure – maybe from the man who never should have ridden straight through to Sand Dust just to fuss over his son’s broken arm?”

Ben stood and shook his head, “No, it’s no doubt from your mother –though she wasn’t nearly as sarcastic as her son.”  He picked up the tray and headed to the door.

“Where you going now?”

“I’ve got a few errands to run and while I’m gone you make use of that bed and rest.  We’ve got a long trip home starting tomorrow.”

Frowning Joe watched his pa walk to the door.  “I can’t do too much more than rest since someone put me into a nightshirt and weighed me down with this cast.”

Ben just laughed and walked out of the room.  He needed to go speak with the sheriff who had stopped by earlier.  Sam had some important information that he wanted to share with Ben that neither man wanted Joe to hear about just yet.

**************

Walking inside the Sand Dust Jail, Ben smiled over at the man behind the desk.

“Hope you’re not too busy right now, Sam – I had to argue with my son a bit before I could leave,” Ben chuckled and shook the man’s hand.

Sorting through some wanted posters, the sheriff nodded over at the other man.  “No – not busy just trying to get rid of some old posters.  Have a seat.  How about some coffee?”

“No thanks, Sam,” Ben declined.  “Helen has been spoiling both Joe and me. I think I’ve had about five cups today.”  He sat down across from the lawman and watched as Sam walked over to the file cabinet and opened it up.

“Recovered something of Joe’s.  Here,” He handed over a Colt revolver and Joe’s left-handed holster.  “That’s about all the army could find.  That horse Joe had been riding never turned up – might be someone found it and kept a hold of it.”

Ben sighed and nodded as he stared down at his son’s gun.  “So, you heard from someone from the fort?”

“That’s right, Ben.  Before you got in yesterday, we had a soldier – Corporal Briggs come by.  He’s based out of Fort Churchill.  That man who went after your boy broke out of the stockade there.  The corporal gave me a lot of information,” Sam sat back at his desk and stared at Ben.  “That man—Corporal Bill Tanner was sentenced for killing innocent women and children and was due to be sent to the Territorial Prison in Yuma because that’s where the killings originated.  Somehow, he dug his way out through the cell bars and escaped on foot.  But he was a seasoned tracker –spent a good ten years in the Army and he could not only track about anyone, but he could also evade anyone trying to find him.  From what the corporal said Tanner left a dozen or more dead men in his wake in the last three weeks.  He just shot them all in cold blood for no apparent reason.  He’d gotten a horse and gear off one man, but all the others were just people he ran into and shot at point blank range.  Corporal Briggs said that only Joe is left to tell the tale.  Tanner must’ve just thrown away your son’s billfold and other possessions and only kept his Colt.  He had it tucked inside his belt when they found him in that jail where it would appear Joe trapped him.  The medic said there wasn’t a true cause of death – or at least not anything that they could determine anyway.  Once inside that locked cell he just kept on firing his rifle until I guess his heart just stopped.”

Ben felt a shudder go up his spine when he thought on the fact that Joseph could just as easily have been one of those men that Tanner had shot in cold blood instead of hunting through the desert.

“The man evidently was a stone-cold killer and very much insane,” Ben insisted, his eyes filled with both rage and disgust over what had happened and how Joe had been forced to run through the desert unarmed.

Sam nodded.  “Yes – but he was smart – your son just barely lived through it.  Someone who can track the way that Corporal Briggs said that Tanner could – well – Joe is just plain lucky to be alive.”

“Thank God,” Ben whispered and closed his eyes momentarily.  The memory of how he had lost Hoss filled his mind and just the very idea that he could have lost Joseph too weighed heavily on his already injured heart.  He had barely survived burying one son and if he had to bury his youngest Ben knew he’d never be able to go on with his life; there would be little purpose in it.

“I imagine it’d be hard to forget being hunted like that, Ben.  I hope Joe will be able to get over it.”

“He hasn’t mentioned anything about it yet.  Maybe he’ll open up to me on the way home.  The doctor said not to push it until he’s ready to talk about it.  I’m hoping he’ll get it off his shoulders so I can help the boy through it.”

“He’s a strong young man,” he agreed and then suddenly the sheriff grew quiet.

Sam walked around his desk and leaned up against the front of it, staring down at Ben.

“I don’t want to cause you any more pain, Ben — but I’ve just got to say this,” He hesitantly began.

“Go ahead, speak your mind.  What is it, Sam?”

“I heard about Hoss – and I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am.  I always had a fondness for that boy – he was one of the few men that could look me straight in the eye—being the same height as me.  He sure was a likeable young man – it was an honor to have known him.”

Ben drew in a deep breath and tried to stay his tears.  The pain was back but he would fight through it.  “Thank you, Sam.  Hoss always spoke fondly of you as well.”

Sam coughed into his hand trying to relieve the thick emotion in his voice.  “Hey, how’s that eldest of yours?  I haven’t seen him since the three of you were tracking the Dalton brothers a few years back.”

Ben hadn’t thought about that particularly awful visit to Sand Dust in a long while.  It had been one of the worst times in Joseph’s life, and they all had tried to forget about the cruelty of the evil Dalton brothers.  He quickly went back to what Sam had asked him.  “Oh, Adam is sailing the high seas and visiting foreign lands.  That eldest boy of mine has a sense of adventure and he’s off conquering the world.  I don’t get to see him often – but he writes me frequently.”

“You tell him I asked about him next time you write, okay Ben?”

“I will, Sam.  When are you coming down Virginia City way so we can show you some Ponderosa style hospitality for all that you’ve done for us over the years?” Ben asked hoping that he could return some of the many favors that the sheriff had done for his family.

Sam laughed and replied, “Just as soon as I retire.”

“Oh? When is that going to be?”

Sighing as he shook his head the lawman answered, “Just as soon as people stop robbing and killing and shooting up saloons.  In other words – probably never.  I’ll most likely be buried with this star.”

Ben stood to shake the man’s hand, wanting to get back to the hotel to check on Joe to make sure that he wasn’t doing anything foolish like trying to get out of bed.  “You surely can take a vacation, right?  If you do – Joseph and I would love to have you at the ranch.  Just let us know.”

“I’d like that,” Sam smiled and shook the outstretched hand.  “I’ll say goodbye to you both in the morning I guess.”

“Joe’s pestering me about leaving – so it’ll be early.”

“That’s fine – I’ll see the two of you off, Ben.  Go get some rest.”

Ben nodded and turned for the door.  He paused briefly and called over to the sheriff.  “In case I haven’t said it often enough – Sam – thank you for always helping us – no matter the problem.”

“Been my pleasure,” Sam responded with a quick smile.  “See you in the morning.”

**************

Stopping at the mercantile first for some supplies that he and Joe would need on the trip back, Ben then dropped by the livery stable and checked on his horse.  He made sure that they were giving old Buck extra oats and a good grooming.  Ben found the horse being properly pampered and he paid the man there well.  He also found a decent horse to purchase for Joe for the trip home and made sure that it was gentle enough so his son wouldn’t have any trouble.  He laughed to himself over his worry, as his youngest had always been the expert in the family when it came to handling horses.  But then again, he would be riding with one arm in a sling and Ben didn’t want to take any chances.  He was sure Joseph would complain that it wasn’t a spirited animal like his pinto back home.  Joe would just have to settle for what his father had chosen.  Ben wasn’t taking chances; not anymore.  With all those tasks completed, he headed back to the hotel.

“I just checked on him,” Helen called over to Ben as she came down the staircase.  “He’s sleeping right now.”

“I can’t thank you enough, Helen.  You and John have surely seen to that boy’s needs,” Ben nodded gratefully to the woman.

“Reminds me of our boy,” She answered, a gentle smile playing on her lips.

“How is Steven?”

“Oh, he’s in Montana right now – that boy never stays put long.”

Ben sighed knowingly, “Sounds a lot like my oldest boy Adam — always going from place to place and never settling down.”

Helen placed her hand on Ben’s arm when she noticed the faraway look in his eyes.  She never mentioned having heard that Hoss Cartwright had passed away because she could already tell that the man who stood before her was having trouble with the loss of his son.  “You’ve got Joe, Ben.  He’s rooted to you and your ranch – so you’ve got someone to follow in your footsteps.”

“You’re right – I’m fortunate,” Ben nodded and wondered if his face had given away the fact that he had been thinking about Hoss.  “Well, I’ll go up there and fuss over him a bit.  I guess I’ve always spoiled that one!”

“That’s about normal, we do the same with our youngest,” She laughed.  “I’ll bring up dinner around eight, Ben,” Helen said as she turned towards the parlor.

“My thanks,” he replied and headed up the staircase.

***************

Quietly easing the door open, Ben set down his bag from the mercantile and then gazed over at his son.  Joe seemed to be a bit restless, his head slowly moving back and forth on the pillow and his face scrunched up.  Concerned, Ben walked closer to the bed and set a calming hand down onto his son’s shoulder.

“Tanner – no – Tanner —,” Joe mumbled in his sleep.

“It’s okay, Joseph – just a dream,” Ben whispered trying to calm his son.

“Tanner – got to get away – can’t let him – can’t let him find me,” Joe continued and then suddenly stopped talking though his head was still moving back and forth on his pillow.

Ben dropped down into the chair by the bed and shook his head filled with worry.  He knew that Joseph had purposely suppressed whatever had gone on in the desert as he was being hunted down by that crazed man.  And since his son had yet to offer any details, all that he could do was to wait and hope that he would eventually tell the tale of what he had endured, and then the two of them could deal with the awful memories and hopefully purge them.  The night before he had attempted to get Joe to talk about what was playing out in his sleep, but he had clammed up.  He would try again once they were on their way back home.  Ben thought that as soon as they could get through the desert that Joe would do better and perhaps open up to him about everything.

“Rest now, Joseph,” Ben whispered and lightly combed his fingers through his son’s hair.  Just a few seconds later the expression on Joe’s face softened and his head stopped moving on the pillow.

*** I guess I’ve still got it. *** Ben mused to himself as he continued to softly stroke his son’s curls, lulling Joe into a peaceful sleep.

**************

“Okay, Pa, I did what you said and I’m about as clean as I’m going to get until I can take a bath at the ranch,” Joe called across the room after washing off at the basin next to his bed.  It had taken him a good long while to wash his whole body, doing everything one-handed due to the cast which weighed down his right arm.

Smiling as he approached his son Ben gave him the once-over with his eyes.  “You look almost presentable,” He quipped.

Joe glanced at his father and noticed the smirk on his face.  “Almost?”

Ben ruffled a hand through his son’s hair and said, “You could use a haircut.”

“If I had a dollar for every time you’ve said that to me I’d be a millionaire, Pa.”

“And if I had a dollar for every time you didn’t do as I asked, I’d be a billionaire,” Ben laughed and handed his son a shirt.  “Here — I never thought about it yesterday when I was at the mercantile – so use this extra one of mine that I had packed.”

“Why?  Where’s my shirt?” Joe questioned confused.

“There wasn’t much left of that shirt of yours, Joseph.  Remember what happened when you broke your arm?   From what Doctor Caulder said they cut what was left of it off you before getting those bones set.  And besides, even if your shirt had survived, you’d never get that cast through your shirtsleeve.”

Joe fought back the memory of falling down that long rocky hill and breaking his arm in his haste to get away from Tanner who had been rapidly closing in on him.  He thought of the many times that he had tried to evade the man who had never ceased his pursuit to kill him.  Looking down at his boots, Joe noticed that they were in sad shape from diving into the cold water of the various rivers and streams he had passed in his attempt to escape that killer.

“I’m gonna need new boots when I get home,” Joe muttered as he attempted to pull each one on one-handed.

“Just hold on, Joseph.  Take it slow – and I’m here to help,” Ben urged his son to settle down.  He had acted a bit frantic in his quest to leave the hotel.

Drawing in a deep breath, Joe finally stopped trying to fight his boots.  “If you could just kind of push at the bottom, Pa?  I think I can pull these on.”

Ben shook his head and chuckled.  “They’re a mess,” he agreed.  “But I guess they’ll get you home.  Now just hold still long enough for me to push.”

It took a lot longer than usual, but finally Joe had his pants, belt and boots on.

“Here – let’s start with your good arm,” Ben advised and held the sleeve of one of his shirts out and his son eagerly pushed his left arm inside.  “Okay—here comes the true test to see if this sleeve will fit over your cast.  Now no jostling that arm, Joseph.  Slow and easy.”

Grinning over at his father Joe replied wryly, “You’ve not dressed me since I was about two years old, Pa.”

Finally accomplishing the task of getting his son’s cast through the shirtsleeve, Ben looked down at his son and corrected him, “Joseph—do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to dress you after you’ve been injured?   Have you forgotten that little nitroglycerin accident?”

“Only you would call that little, Pa,” Joe chuckled.  “Okay, I take it back you haven’t had to dress me in almost two years.”  Joe went to work getting the buttons done up slowly using only his left hand.  “Well, if I had to break one – I’m glad it wasn’t my left arm.”

“Ah – a bright spot in all of this,” Ben quipped.  He watched as his son finished buttoning his shirt.  The thing hung on Joe, and Pa had to stifle his laughter.  He’d never really thought about how much smaller his son was, but it was very apparent now seeing Joseph in his shirt.  The seams on the shoulders were halfway down the boy’s arms, and the shirttail went almost to his knees.  Ben was suddenly swept away in the memories of all three of his sons and how different they were.  Hoss wouldn’t have been able to get his huge arms through one of his father’s shirtsleeves and if he had put one of Hoss’ shirts on Ben would’ve looked just like Joseph did now wearing his.  Adam would’ve been able to fit in his father’s shirt just fine though.  The differences in the sizes of his sons were just like the differences in their temperaments.  Adam had ended up being the logical one who had a wanderlust and was out conquering the world, whereas Hoss was the gentle giant of a man, who had become Ben’s mainstay and rock over the years.  He had his own kind of wisdom which came from a life spent watching over both people and the various critters he tended.  He was like a Ponderosa pine, solid and dependable and strong.  And then there was the youngest who now sat across from him fighting to be independent while still needing his father.  Joe was twenty-four now but in Ben’s mind he was still the mischievous kid who jumped from the furniture waving his mother’s epee and driving his two brothers crazy.  Joseph was the one who had been forged by fire due to so many injuries and illnesses along with so many heartbreaks.  He often found comfort in his father’s arms and wasn’t afraid to show his softer side during those times of travail.

When the silence in the room grew deafening, Joe stared over at his father, very concerned by the sudden lull in the conversation.  He could tell by the appearance on his face that Pa was deep in thought. It was also clearly read in the way his eyes were glazed over with unspent tears.  Having seen that very look before, Joe presumed that Pa must be thinking about Hoss.  He decided to give his father the time he needed and sat there un-moving until the moment passed.

Ben shook himself out of his musings and once again stared over at his youngest.  He forced a smile as he attempted to hide what he’d been thinking about

When the time was right and he knew that his father had regrouped a bit, Joe pressed the shirt collar to his nose and rubbed the cotton on his face.  “Pa – why is it that your shirts are so much softer than mine?”

Sitting down on the chair next to the bed to take a little breather, Ben grinned and replied, “Oh, probably because I break mine in with a lot of good hard work, Joseph.”

“Then my shirts would feel stiff because –,” Joe trailed off, his eyes twinkling with amusement as he stared at his father waiting for him to finish his statement.

Ben shook his head and patted his son’s shoulder, “Of course I wasn’t referring to the fact that you don’t work as hard as I do, Joseph.”

“Sure, you weren’t,” Joe grinned.  Standing from the bed he stared down at the way he appeared to be swimming in his father’s shirt.  “Well, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fill your shoes as far as being a hard worker goes, Pa – no more than I can fill your shirt.  Guess there’s no point in trying to tuck this in, huh?”

Chuckling he replied, “No – not much of a point.  Besides no one will be looking at that shirt – only that big cast you’re sporting.  Oh – here, almost forgot.”  Pa reached inside the drawer to the nightstand and pulled out the sling Doc Caulder had given him earlier that morning.  “Let’s get your cast ready for the ride.”  He secured the sling around his son’s neck and gently maneuvered Joe’s arm into it.  Ben then stared at his son and asked, “You about ready to leave?”

“Pa – I’ve been ready to leave since I woke up in here.  Let’s go!” He announced anxiously.

Forcing a stern countenance Ben put his hand on his son’s shoulder and warned, “You either take it slow, or you spend another couple of days in this room.”

“Yes, Sir,” Joe nodded with a knowing grin and opened the door with his left hand.

*************

Ben and Joe said their goodbyes to John and Helen and thanked them for all their help and then stepped outside where Sam was approaching.

“Ready to leave?”

“Yes, we’d best get on the road home.  Thanks for everything, Sam,” Ben smiled broadly and offered the lawman a firm handshake.

“Me too,” Joe grinned and attempted a left-handed handshake which failed miserably but both men laughed over it.

“Joe, now how about coming to visit me just once without getting yourself hurt?”

Nodding, he replied, “nothing would make me happier, Sam.  Hey, thanks for wiring my father – even though he didn’t HAVE to come and fetch me.”

“This is why he gets hurt all the time, Sam, he’s never had much sense,” Ben sighed.  “Now remember that invitation to come stay with us – we’d sure love to have you.”

“I will, Ben – once I find a deputy worth his salt to watch the town so I can get me in a vacation.  You two have a safe trip.”

“Thanks again,” Ben patted the sheriff’s arm, and he and Joe walked across the street to the livery stable.  The owner had already been paid earlier that day and both Buck and the horse Joe would be riding were tied up to the hitching post and ready.

Joe walked around checking the mare over and frowned.  “Not much of a horse – can she even make it into a canter?”

“Joseph, you don’t need to go much faster than a canter.  Now no complaining until we at least make the first mile, okay?”

Joe nodded and sighed resolutely.  He knew it was his own fault that the spirited horse he had ridden on the trip to the fort had been taken.  And that had just been the beginning of his horrifying experience.  Watching Pa tie the provisions behind the two saddles his eyes caught sight of something missing.

Ben looked over at his son who had suddenly turned silent.  He knew that something besides the choice of horses was bothering Joe just by the look on his face.

“What is it?”

“No scabbard,” Joe returned quietly.

“I didn’t get you one, Joseph, because there’s no way that you can use a rifle with that arm in a sling.”

Joe just stared down at the ground, not wanting his father to know what he had been worried about.  Just the thought of not being armed in any way filled him with a kind of dread that he couldn’t shake.  He had purposely kept his terrifying run for his life through the desert from his father.  Joe felt a lot of things, including feeling very foolish for having let his guard down around a stranger which, in all honesty, had been something he couldn’t stop berating himself for doing.  After many years of having gone up against some very dangerous criminals it had been such a stupid thing to do, and this time it had almost cost him his life.  He also couldn’t rid himself of the thought that, had he been killed out in the desert, Pa would never have learned his fate or recovered his body.  Just those facts would’ve caused his father to mourn himself to death.  He had barely survived the loss of Hoss, and Joe knew that Pa still had days when it was hard to put away the sad reminders of his death.  On top of all of that he knew that the telegram from Sam had caused Pa to race to Sand Dust to bring him home.  Joe carried a heavy burden of guilt that he couldn’t shake or explain to his father.

Ben hadn’t missed the very apparent concern that Joe was trying a bit too hard to hide.  He walked around to the saddlebags he had purchased for his son and unbuckled them.  “I forgot to tell you – yesterday Sam gave me this – someone with the army found it,” He pulled out the left-handed holster along with the Colt.  “Do you want me to help you get this on – or would you rather just keep it stowed for now?”

Biting at his bottom lip, Joe wondered if he’d be showing his father how ill at ease he had begun to feel the minute he’d stepped out in the street unarmed if he asked for his sidearm.

“Um – Pa – if it’s no trouble – I’d kind of like it – you know – just – well to even out the weight of this cast on my right side,” Joe answered, and knew that it had to be the flimsiest excuse that he’d ever come up with.

Ben grinned over the way his son had tried to come up with a logical reason to be wearing his gun and had failed miserably.  “Of course – wouldn’t want you to tip over,” he said with irony in his tone.  “Well, let me get this around you.”

“If you could just start it through the buckle I can handle the rest.”

Encircling his son’s waist with the gun-belt Ben put the tongue of the holster strap through the buckle and allowed Joe to finish securing it.

“You need the tie-down done up?”

“No – this is fine, thanks,” Joe replied and lifted the Colt up and checked to make sure that it was loaded.  He was relieved to see that his father must have taken care of that as all six bullets were inside the cylinder.  He hefted it a few times in his hand before settling it back into the holster.

“Well – let’s get you up into that saddle now,” Ben sighed. He knew that he’d soon have an argument on his hands.

“I can do it, Pa,” Joe insisted.

Ben stared at his son hard and that look wasn’t lost on Joe.  He knew that Pa had been told by the doctor that he needed to assist his son up and down from the saddle due to the cast and the risk of harming the freshly- set bone in his arm.  “Do you want a few more days up in that hotel room?” He threatened.

“Okay, Pa,” Joe surrendered and accepted a boost up into his saddle.

“Stubborn – always – you get it from your mother,” Ben muttered as he moved over to mount Buck.

“Hate to tell you this, Pa, but I get it from YOU,” Joe quipped as he watched Ben grab his reins.

“It’s going to be a very long trip – I can see that already! Let’s go,” Ben grinned over at his son and the two men kicked lightly at the sides of their mounts.

**************

The first leg of their trip back home had been well thought out by Ben attempting to wind around the outskirts of some of the desert areas where his son had been hunted.  He had been given that information the previous day by the sheriff and thought it would be best to avoid some of those places where his son had been forced to run for his life.  There was no way to skirt the entire desert, as most of the land between Sand Dust and the deserted town where the miner had found Joe and Corporal Tanner was nothing but barren sand and cactus outcroppings.  Every now and then he’d notice the pensive look on his son’s face which would gradually change and become a cross between fear and rage.  At his urging they had stopped at each watering hole they came across whether man or beast needed to refresh themselves or not.  Ben was concerned about Joe’s arm and the fact that he wasn’t physically over the dehydration he had incurred some four days prior.

“Pa – if we keep stopping all of the time we won’t get back to the Ponderosa for a month,” Joe complained as his father dismounted and moved to help him down from his mare.

“We’re not stopping for a rest, we are stopping for the night,” Ben announced as he grabbed his son’s waist and carefully eased him back to solid ground.

Joe looked to the west and then glanced over at his father.  “Pa – there’s a good two or three hours before dark.”

Ben set a strong calloused hand on Joe’s shoulder and gazed into his eyes.  “Now, I believe you told me that you would take it easy like the doctor insisted.  So, we are going to leisurely set up our camp and settle in for the night.  Go make use of your one good hand and pull that horse of yours over to that rocky outcropping.  We’ll ground tie the reins of both mounts.”

Sighing deeply Joe had wanted to protest once more but he noticed the very familiar look in his father’s eyes and knew there would be no talking the man out of his plans for the night now.  He walked with Pa and they got the horses’ reins secured.

“There’s just a bit of shade right now next to these rocks – do you want to take a little breather before we untie the supplies and set up camp, Joseph?”

“No, Sir – I’m good,” Joe nodded and tried to wipe his disappointment away on the back of his left hand.  His eyes scanned the horizon again   All day long he was sure that he’d seen every single cactus and sand dune before during his frenzied run from the tracker who had pursued him.

Ben was keenly aware of what had been nagging at his son’s mind all day, and he hoped that Joe would relax enough to confide in him about what had transpired out in the desert during their trip back home.  He draped an arm across his son’s shoulder and tried to make him smile, “You should be happy!  At least this trip I get stuck with making all the food and doing all the clean-up.”

Joe forced a laugh for his father’s benefit and nodded his head, “Well, Pa, you’ll stay healthy that way – you know Hoss always said that I was the only man he’d ever known who could burn water.”

Ben chuckled, “Oh, yes – I remember that line of Hoss’ very well.  Now let’s get the camp set up – that’s one thing you can do one handed.”

*************

Night had fallen and the meager meal of canned beans and salted pork had been eaten before eight o’clock.  Ben stared over at his son and noticed that he appeared to be all played out.

“And you were the one who said we could make ten more miles today,” Ben chided his son as he handed him the last cup of coffee.

Trying his best to hide the plain fact that his arm was beginning to throb, Joe offered his father a wry smile and returned, “If you hadn’t gotten me this ancient mare then we could have, Pa.”

“Joseph, that mare isn’t even ten years old. Which means she’s a lot younger than the two of us.  If anything, you’re the one who’s slowing her down.”

The flickering light from the campfire danced across Joe’s face and Ben could easily read the grimace that his son was attempting to disguise.

“Okay, I’ve got the pain powders that Doc Caulder gave me for you.  Now do you want one in water or in your coffee, Son?”

“Don’t need it.”

Removing one of the small envelopes from his vest pocket, Ben ripped it open.  He leaned over and poured it right into Joe’s tin cup.  “Now – drink that– and with no complaints!”

“Why’d you bother to ask me, Pa?” Joe frowned as he stared down at the unappetizing looking powder that was now floating on top of his coffee.

“I always like giving you a choice – you should know that,” Pa winked.

“Yeah – you always give me the choice to voluntarily do things your way or be forced to do things your way,” Joe grinned knowingly and then hastily began to drink the coffee down.  “Yuck!” Joe exclaimed and for just a split-second thought about spitting the medicine along with the coffee out on the ground.  He knew better as Pa evidently had numerous packets of pain powders which he would surely keep sitting in front of him if he’d even tried. “It tastes like pure salt.  I remember this stuff – Doc Martin hoisted those on me before.  It never took any pain away, Pa –it just made me as thirsty as all get out!”

Reaching behind his saddle, which was now upturned as his bolster, Ben grabbed the canteen and uncapped it.  “Chase it with this.”

Joe accepted the water and drank down his fill before handing it back to Pa.  He then eased back onto his saddle exhausted.

“Hold on – before you go off to sleep – let me have a look at those fingers of yours.  I’ve got to check your circulation,” Ben insisted.

“C’mon, Pa – my circulation is fine – and even if it wasn’t there’s not a doctor anywhere around these parts – trust me I know.  There’s no one around here in the desert – no one to help,” Joe’s statement was laced with the painful reminder of how awfully alone he had felt during his struggle to flee from the tracker.

Ben pulled the kerosene lantern over to where Joe lay.  He grabbed his son’s hand and one by one pressed his thumb down onto each fingernail waiting for the color to spring back.  “Looks okay,” He nodded and patted his son’s shoulder.  “You feel like talking for a bit?”

Joe had been expecting his father’s question for two days, but it hadn’t come until now that they were alone in the desert.  He would’ve loved to just purge his soul and be done with it, but he didn’t feel ready to do so.  Joe hoped that, given a little more time, he would be able to detail to Pa what had happened.  Only his father would understand the kinds of thoughts which had gone through his mind as he tried to stay alive.

“Maybe tomorrow, Pa – kinda tired,” Joe whispered.

Ben nodded his understanding and reached down to pull the thin cotton blanket up around his son’s shoulders.  “As hot as it is during the day—it can get a bit cold at night.”

“Thanks, Pa,” Joe smiled gratefully over the way his father always understood him and exactly what he needed from him.  “Goodnight.”

Ben briefly combed his fingers through his son’s hair and whispered, “Rest, Joseph.”

************

*** Run Joe Cartwright!  Run! *** The sound awakened Joe and his eyes suddenly flashed open.  Adrenaline began to surge through his veins as he sat straight up on his bedroll.  He was unsure if he had been dreaming or if he had really heard Tanner’s voice mocking him just like he had during his flight to stay alive.

“Joseph?” Ben whispered groggily.  “What is it?”

“Thought I heard something,” He muttered, his eyes scanning the darkness that blanketed the camp.  All he could see were the dying embers of the campfire and the look of concern in his father’s eyes.

Ben pulled himself over to his son and even in the dim light given off by what remained of the campfire he could easily see the heavy perspiration that was dripping down Joe’s face and pooling into the hollow of his neck.  It hadn’t been caused by the heat as the night air temperature had fallen a great deal since they had set up the camp earlier.  Pa could also detect a glint of fear in Joe’s eyes.  He needed to think of something to say which would alleviate his son’s increasing dread.   “Probably just some animal roaming around just outside the camp,” He offered calmly.

“In the desert?  Not unless they grow lizards and snakes real big around here,” Joe protested.  His hand searched frantically around his bedroll, unable to hit on what he was looking for.

“It’s right here, Joseph.”  Ben grabbed his son’s left hand, gently setting it onto his holster which he had placed next to Joe after he had drifted off to sleep.

Joe felt embarrassed to be so jumpy and for no good reason.  He wasn’t alone anymore; his Pa was right there beside him.  “Sorry,” He quietly apologized for making a fuss about hearing a sound which was probably just something that was stuck inside another nightmare about being stalked through the desert.

Ben patted his son’s left arm and offered an understanding smile.  “It’s alright, Son.  Now try to go back to sleep, okay?”

Joe nodded and eased back down onto his bedroll and closed his eyes.  Ben hadn’t missed the way that his son dropped his left hand onto the Colt lying at his side.  He wouldn’t say a word about it because he knew that the boy was still being haunted by the terrifying memories of all he had gone through.

*************

On the second day of the journey home, they were making better progress in crossing the desert, though Pa had still insisted on frequent stops along the way.  Joe asked questions about various projects that were happening back at the ranch to pass the time and keep the conversation light.  Pa had spoken about the great strides that the timber crews had made completing a huge contract with the DeSanto Shipping Company as well as talking about the herd being moved southward.

“That Montana stock being crossed with ours was your brother Hoss’ pet project two years ago – and it’s sure paid off.”

“Yeah – we won’t have any trouble winter feeding any of those steers no matter how much snow we get down at South Shore thanks to my big brother,” Joe nodded, throwing over a reminiscent smile about Hoss aimed at Pa.  He was relieved and happy that both he and his father could talk about Hoss without it causing the kind of devastating pain that it used to during those first dreadful months.  Back then just bringing up his brother’s name would force Pa to get up and walk out of the room leaving Joe feeling at a total loss over what he could say or do to help his father through Hoss’ untimely death.  But now things had gotten better and talking about his brother helped them both as it kept him alive in their minds.  “Anything else I missed while I was gone, Pa?”

“I got another letter from Adam; he’s on his way to Madrid right now.  But he did say he might be able to visit maybe before Christmas if all goes his way,” Ben replied with a great deal of hopefulness in his voice.

Joe reached over and patted his father’s arm and smiled at him.  He knew it would lift his spirits to have the eldest son home even if the visit was a brief one.  “That’s good news, huh?  Old Shakespeare being home for Christmas— we’ll have to get a bigger tree than we did last year.”

The memory of that first Christmas without Hoss played on his mind as Ben’s gaze fell on his youngest.  It had taken Joseph to try to put some meaning back into that one day and he had done his best, even cutting down the tree and putting it up inside the ranch house himself.  Pa couldn’t help feeling bad about the way that Joe had to take over during those first few months of mourning and for all the stress he had put on his son.

“Sure – we’ll get a big one this year,” he nodded and then stood in his stirrups and looked west.  “About time we stop and set up camp, Son.”

Right after his father got those words out of his mouth Joe abruptly pulled back on his reins.  Ben stopped his horse mid-stride and stared over at him.

“What’s wrong?”

Joe pointed over to his right and then replied, “Is that what it looks like, Pa?  I can’t climb down from this saddle without your help to go check it out for myself – can you go see if I’m right?”

His eyes tracking over to where his son had pointed, Ben could see something lying on the ground, partly buried in the sand.  “Here,” He stated and dismounted.  “Hold my reins and I’ll go see.”

Joe nodded and accepted Buck’s reins and waited.  He could just barely make out his father stooping down and pulling something up into his hands.  As Pa walked twelve yards off to Joe’s right, he could tell that the object that he had spotted was exactly what he had thought it was.

“Good eyes, Joseph,” Pa called and waited to retrieve Buck’s reins before handing the item up to Joe.  “It’s a bit weathered – but not in too bad a shape.”

The color, even though he had an awful case of sunburn, drained out of Joe’s face as he held onto the tan Stetson.  He remembered that, in his haste to begin running from Tanner, he had left his hat right where he had set up his camp; the same camp where the evil man had first walked into his life.

“Joseph?” Ben called over as he mounted Buck.  “You okay?”

Dropping his head down some so Pa couldn’t get a good look at the fear he now wore, Joe fought off the sickness in the pit of his stomach.  It had surprised him that simply finding his hat had propelled him back to that first awful morning when he had awoken to find his horse and all his gear stolen and then learned what Tanner had in mind to do to him.

“Joe?” Pa asked again, this time reaching for his son’s left arm and holding onto it.

Finally, searching for the right words, Joe gave a slight nod and responded.  “Pa – if you wouldn’t mind – could we maybe go just another two or three miles before bedding down?”

“If you’ll tell me why,” Ben needed to know and he presumed his son also needed to get it out of his gut.

“This – well – this was where I set up my camp that night – the night –,” Joe trailed off.

Now fully cognizant as to the reason why Joe was having such a hard time after seeing his hat lying there on the desert floor, Ben nodded.

“Sure, let’s head up to that rise – it can’t be more than about two miles ahead of us,” Ben cast an understanding smile Joe’s way.  He watched his son shake the remaining sand off his hat.  He then put it on and tipped the brim down a bit to shade his face and hide his emotions.

“Thanks,” Joe returned quietly, and the two of them lightly kicked at the sides of their mounts heading further west.

**************

“Good supper – thanks,” Joe said as he watched his father cleaning off the two plates and putting away the supplies.

“I’m surprised you even noticed,” Ben began and shot Joe a penetrating glance.  “You’ve not said more than a few words all night, Son.”

Pushing himself back against his saddle he wondered what kind of an excuse he could offer Pa this time.  Every attempt at obfuscating the truth about his feelings had proven to be lame and he knew that his father had seen through every one of his attempts to sidestep the way he was feeling.  “Sorry, Pa,” Joe returned, deciding that he’d had enough of his own lies and that there wasn’t much point trying another one on his father who always knew when he was fibbing anyway.

After setting all the remaining utensils and supplies back inside the mess kit, Ben turned and stared at Joe once again.

“You look like you’re a little cold – would you like to wear my coat for a bit, Joseph?”

Joe knew that he had been shivering but not due to the falling temperatures.  Now as to whether Pa knew that to be the case, he was unsure at the time.  He pulled the thin blanket up from the end of his bedroll.  “No, Pa – you keep it on – this blanket will be fine, and I can just set it over my shoulders.”

“Hum – maybe I can come up with something a bit better?” Ben returned and tried his best not to let his facial expression give away the surprise that he had for his son.  “I’ll just go see what I can find.  I might have something in my gear that will do better than that blanket.”

Joe watched with confusion framing his face as Pa turned his back on him momentarily and dug through the bag which sat on the other side of his saddle.  He finally turned around concealing something behind his back.

“Maybe this might help a bit?” Ben announced and knelt next to his son.  He held in his hand a jacket, a green corduroy jacket.

Joe’s face filled with pure awe; he leaned forward to get a good look at it.   He reached over and shakily drew it into his left hand.  Closing his eyes, Joe remembered tossing it across the stream in a failed attempt to confuse Tanner into thinking that he had crossed over to the other side when he left it there on a smooth boulder just at the water’s edge.

“Pa? How – how did you get this?  Did someone with the army find it like they found my gun?  I never thought I’d ever see this again!” Joe rapidly sent over his many questions, still filled with shock to be holding his jacket.

Ben sat cross-legged on the ground next to Joe and smiled broadly.  “No—they didn’t find it – I found it, Son.  It seems our paths must’ve crossed – because not too long before I got to Sand Dust, Buck and I happened to stop alongside a stream, and something caught my eye.  I had no earthly idea at the time that you’d been anywhere near that area but I saw it – and I knew that it was yours—and it needed to be reunited with you,” He explained and patted his son’s arm amused and grateful that Joseph appeared to be very pleased over having his jacket returned to him.

Joe held it up to his face and smelled the material and took a good look at it.  “Pa – it’s sure in a whole lot better shape than it was when I saw it last!” He exclaimed.

“Oh – well that,” Pa stopped and forced a severe expression on his face.  “The night before we left Sand Dust I had it washed and pressed.”

Joe grinned up at his father and nodded his thanks.

“Oh – and Joseph?”

“Yes?”

“You owe me two dollars,” Ben announced insistently, trying to keep a straight face.  He was just so glad to see a sincere smile on his son’s face after enduring so much.  His son had obviously gone through a very harrowing experience and on top of that Joe had a severe compound fracture to deal with.  Both needed healing as Pa well knew.

Chuckling, Joe searched the inside pockets of his jacket and came up empty, just as he presumed he would.  “Guess I’m gonna have to owe it to you, Pa – looks like all my money is gone.  Maybe you can trust me until we get home, and I’ll get my boss to advance me my wages?”

“I’ll think on it,” Ben laughed and then removed the jacket from Joe’s left hand and settled it over his shoulders.  “That better now?”

“Lots better, Pa,” Joe whispered with gratitude easily detected in his words.  Somehow it was always the thoughtful little things that his father had managed to do for Joe over the years that had meant the most to him and what he had done by finding and surprising him with his favorite jacket was no exception.  “Speaking of money – I wanted to leave some for that miner who toted me all the way to Sand Dust, but I forgot.”

“It’s been taken care of.  I left an envelope with a note and some money inside for Sam to give Mister Billings, the man who got you safely into town. Sam said that miner makes pretty regular trips into Sand Dust, and he’d make sure he got it.”

“I guess I owe you more than just two dollars now, Pa.”

“I’ll keep a running tab for now – but it’s going to be awhile before you can work it off,” Pa grinned as he indicated his son’s cast.

Joe nodded his head and then grew silent as he eased back down against his saddle.

Ben settled back and stared pensively over at his son.  He wanted to ask him so many things, but it was always a matter of timing with Joseph and Pa never exactly knew when he’d be ready to bare his soul.  Hoss had been so much easier to talk with.  He had grown into a man who was comfortable in his own skin, and always spoke in a kind matter-of-fact manner, though he didn’t hold back on what he thought to be right about any issue.  And then there was his eldest, Adam, who was generally quiet but easily readable, and when questioned he eloquently got right to the heart of the matter.  On the other hand, there was his youngest who was known to clam up when asked a very direct question, though eventually he’d get to the point where he was about to burst open with what was bothering him and then there would be no stopping the information and his emotions from pouring out.  It seemed so strange to him that the boy who had been the most demonstrative of his three sons was the one he had the hardest time figuring out when it was the right moment to approach him about a problem he was having.  If he could break through Joseph’s protective shell, Pa knew that he’d learn everything that he’d gone through while being tracked by a maniac in the desert alone and against all odds of survival.   Ben knew that whenever his son was finally able to tell his story that anger, fear and sadness would come pouring out.  Outwardly to a stranger Joe acted completely different, but with his father he showed his true self.  Joe had quite a temper and he was known to have a short fuse.  However, he also had a soft heart which he hid from most of those around him with his false bravado.  But in the quiet moments spent alone with his pa, Joseph was a tender and deeply sentimental soul who didn’t mind releasing a few tears when necessary nor did he object to being held in his father’s arms in order to make him feel whole again.

“Hey, Pa?” Joe called over after witnessing his father’s furrowed brow.  The worry lines were deeper due to years of hardship and losses and yet in Joe’s eyes Pa looked the same as he had when he had playfully lifted him up in the air as a small boy.  Or when he would stand there at the front door of the ranch house waiting for him to come home from school.  In Joe’s mind Pa was indestructible and forever young in his eyes.  Through the years his father was the most important person in his life and that would never change.  “What are you thinking about?”

Ben coughed into his fist and cleared the emotion from his voice as he answered, “Oh nothing – why don’t you go on and get some shuteye?”

Joe persisted.  “Nothing doing – not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“I guess I was just thinking about the many times you have scared me half to death, Joseph.”

Grinning, Joe shook his head and replied, “Pa – you are really good at a lot of things – but you’ve got a lot to learn about telling a fib.”

“Oh?  Well, I suppose you’re just the person to tell me about the fine art of stretching the truth until it splits slap down the middle?”

Joe chuckled and nodded his head as they shared a sentimental memory between them.

“That’s what Hoss said about me years ago, Pa.”

“I remember – and he was right too!”

Wistfully staring up at the sky Joe whispered, “He’s still out there, Pa – we just can’t see him.”

Ben nodded with a knowing smile on his lips.  Hoss had never really gone, he was merely invisible to the eye, or so his father believed.  Apparently, that was how his youngest felt too.  He knew that somehow Joseph had picked up on what he had been thinking about; but then again, he always had.

Suddenly Joe’s facial expression changed, and he stared down at his blanket.  He whispered, “Pa – Hoss was with me — throughout what I went through – and not just as a memory.”

“Are you ready to tell me now, Son?” Ben called over softly.

Feeling like it wasn’t the right time to tell his story just yet, Joe finally looked over at his father and answered.  “Pa – by tomorrow night we should be out of this desert.  Would it be okay with you if I tell you then?  I just don’t want to get into it while we’re stuck out in this God forsaken place.  It’s – well – too many bad memories — can I tell you tomorrow?”

Ben reached over and patted his son’s shoulder and nodded.  “That’ll be fine, Joseph.  Now let’s both get some rest and we’ll make it past Furnace Crossing and then we’ll be into the deep woods before you know it.”

“Thanks for understanding, Pa,” Joe returned, his eyes reflecting his gratitude as he eased back against his saddle again.  He hoped that the nightmares would leave him alone so he wouldn’t wake his father like he had done on the first night of the trip.

“Good night, Joseph,” Ben whispered as he pulled up his blanket and dipped his hat down over his eyes.

************

The next morning Ben was surprised to see his son up at the crack of dawn hastily getting the camp taken down and stowing gear with only the use of one hand.  He was expedient in all his actions, including the way he had surprised his Pa by making the morning coffee.

“Joseph?  Aren’t you going to sit down for just a minute and have yourself a cup of coffee before we head out?” He asked, concerned about the fact that his son was overtaxing himself and Pa needed to slow him down a bit.  He was worried about Joe jostling his broken arm as well as the fact that he was still suffering from the aftereffects from the heat exhaustion he’d experienced just a few days prior.

“No, Pa — I’m good,” Joe called over his shoulder while attempting to throw his saddle over the mare.

“Now, Joseph—there’s no reason for you to be doing that!” Ben exclaimed and set his cup of coffee on the ground.  He hurried over next to his son and placed a firm hand on his left arm.  “Stop it right now.  I’ll get the horses ready – you can’t safely secure that bellyband one-handed, and you know it.”

Joe dropped his head down feeling guilty for even trying to saddle his horse.  He knew it had been a stupid thing to do but he couldn’t shake the feeling he had.  There was still something embedded deep inside his gut which said, “flee or die” and he couldn’t shake it nor explain it to his father.

“I’m sorry,” Joe whispered and set the saddle back on the ground.

“We’ll be in the high country before dark – I promise,” Ben replied, sending an understanding pat to his son’s back.  “Now come sit down with me for just a minute and try some coffee.  Believe it or not it isn’t too bad – you hardly burned the water this time,” he announced in an attempt to make fun of his son’s usually awful brew.

Simply nodding his head, Joe followed his Pa back to the campfire and sat down.  “I know that I’ve been acting a bit frantic trying to get out of this desert, Pa.  It’s just that – well I want to go home –and I know it’s taking us a lot longer to get back to the Ponderosa due to this blasted broken arm of mine.”

Ben chuckled, “Son, patience has never been one of your strong suits – broken arm or not.  Just relax – we’ll put this desert behind us today.  Now drink your coffee.”

Joe grinned as his father handed him a cup.  He stared down at the contents and remarked, “Well I know it’ll taste better than that cup I had the other night with the salt packet you forced into it.”

“Just be good today and maybe I won’t make you have another tonight,” Ben warned sternly.  “You’re going to take care of that arm, Joseph – you’re going to need two good working hands to keep the Ponderosa going, you know?”

“You and I will keep it running, Pa— and for many more years.  We’re just getting started,” Joe announced with a reassuring and confident nod.

“Keep talking like that and your boss might just have to give you a raise.”

Joe laughed and replied, “Good — it seems like I owe two dollars as a finder’s fee for my jacket – so I hope it’s a nice big raise, Pa.”

“Oh, it will be – in fact I think your boss might just make it two and a quarter,” Ben teased and set his cup down.  “Now, Young Man, you finish that coffee and I’ll go saddle the horses.”  Ben stood and headed over to the two mounts.  He knew that he and Joe still had a good many miles to travel so they could make it to the high country before dark and Pa wanted to keep the promise he had made and accomplish that feat.

*************

With a sense of renewed purpose Ben and Joe pushed westward until trees started to dot the horizon.  Just that sight had sent a slight grin to Joe’s face which his father had spotted right away.  Though Ben would’ve preferred to make more stops due to his son’s injured arm, he knew that emotionally Joe needed to be out of the desert and back into the comfort which the forest would afford him.

“There now!” Ben exclaimed and pointed over at the vast forest ahead.  “Have you had your fill of sand, Joseph?”

Joe nodded and heaved a sigh of relief.  “Pa – I don’t think I’ll ever want to go into the desert again.”

Ben stared up at the setting sun and addressed making camp.  “How about two more miles and we stop?”

“Sounds good, Pa – how about we get these horses up to a full gallop?”

Ben planted his right hand onto his son’s left wrist.  “Don’t you dare!”

Joe laughed and the sound brought a smile to his father’s face; it had been too long since he had heard that strange twittering laughter which was uniquely Joseph Cartwright’s.  “Just kidding, Pa— go on lead the way I’ll follow on behind you peacefully.”

Nodding over to Joe, Ben gave Buck a gentle tap with his boot-heels.  He did turn around briefly and when he did, he noticed his son staring behind him towards the desert.  Ben hoped Joe could leave the terrible memories back there, but he doubted it.  There was still a frightening incident to overcome and a story he needed to tell.

**************

After setting up their camp and getting dinner cooked and eaten, the two Cartwrights eased back against their saddles, holding their cups of coffee in their hands.  Ben stared over at his son and wondered if he should say something or just let Joe give him the nod that he was ready to finally share his tale.  When that didn’t happen, he decided to break the ice.

“You know what I’ve been thinking about the last couple of days, Son?”

Joe sipped his coffee and looked over at his pa and shook his head, “What?”

“Well, — it’s been quite a while since the two of us took a trip together –,” Ben began but Joe cut him off.

“Pa – isn’t that what we’ve been doing for days now?”

Shaking his head he returned, “This isn’t exactly the kind of trip I was referring to.  I’d like to go on a trip where you don’t start out wounded.”

“Me too!” Joe loudly acknowledged his agreement on that subject.

“Well—after that cast comes off and Doc says you’re all better – how about we go to San Francisco for two weeks?”

“Do you have some more contracts to sign for the DeSanto Company?”

Ben shook his head again, “No – not that kind of a trip.  In fact, no business – no contracts – just a vacation.  Just the two of us – and we’ll go see the ocean.”

“That’s my Pa – and the salt water that he’s still got in his veins,” Joe quipped and lifted his coffee cup in a mock toast to his father’s seafaring days.

“Maybe – but going to the sea puts things into perspective sometimes, Son.  What do you think about my idea?”

“Oh, I like the idea just fine, Pa – but what about the ranch?”

“Joseph, why do you think I pay a foreman and a whole lot of ranch hands?  I’m sure they’ll do just fine – we’re just talking about two weeks.  Nobody’s going to steal the place that quick.”.

Grinning over at his father, Joe nodded.  “You don’t have to twist my arm—well the one that’s not in this cast.  I wonder if you’ll still be able to get up all those stairs in that old lighthouse you took me to when I was little, Pa?” He teased.

Ben shot over a warning look and replied, “Would you care to make a little wager on that, Joseph?”

Joe reached over and patted his father’s arm and answered, “No – because I’ve lost enough money here lately.”

“Good answer,” Pa nodded.

Suddenly Joe grew very quiet, as if he was in another world.  His father hadn’t missed the abrupt way he had stared down at his bedroll and grew pensive.

“Joe?”

Frowning, Joe looked back up and muttered, “Darn fool thing that I did, Pa – letting him just walk into my camp like that.  I never should have let him get the drop on me like I did.  It was all my fault.  And I’m sorry that I never made it to the fort like I should’ve – plus losing that horse and my gear.  I’ll never be that trusting again.”

Ben reached over and put his hand on his son’s arm and forced his gaze.  “Stop beating yourself up about it.  Joseph, we can think about our losses until they run us into the ground – or we can think about what we still have.”

Glancing up at his father, Joe realized that he had just summed up the last year in those few wise words.  Pa didn’t have to spell it out to him.  They were both still suffering over the loss of Hoss.  Looking at his father, who for all intents and purposes, should’ve been beaten down by the deaths of three wives and the son who he had loved so much, but there before him sat the same strong man of faith who he had idolized his entire life.  Joe could see the wisdom behind the brown eyes that stared so intently over at him now.

“You’re right, Pa,” Joe whispered and once more clammed up.

Ben had watched the internal struggle going on inside of his son and had waited for the chance to get him to explain what had happened.  But Joseph had gone silent again and he had to find a way to get him to loosen up a bit.  He reached inside his saddlebags and pulled out a bottle.  Ben drew the pint up to his mouth and uncorked the rotgut whiskey.

“Here,” Pa offered as he reached over to his son and poured a couple of shots of the whiskey into his coffee cup.  “This sure won’t help that arm of yours as much as that laudanum back in Sand Dust – but maybe it’ll calm it down a mite.”

Joe stared down at his cup and brought it up to his mouth.  He took a couple of good long sips of the alcohol before looking over at his father.  “Okay, Pa – is this really for medicinal purposes — or are you wanting me to bare my soul and tell you what happened?”

Ben grinned knowingly and poured a shot into his cup too.  “Well – either or both, Joe.  As for me — I need something for my old bones to help take away the chill in the air.”

Joe laughed and reached over to pat his father’s arm.  “Oh – Pa – you’ll NEVER be old!”

Ben lifted his cup and toasted his son, “Keep talking that way and that raise of yours might get bumped up to two dollars and a half, Joseph.”

Joe nodded over at his father and flashed an amused smile but that soon faded as his thoughts went back to Tanner and his flight to escape the man and his gun.  Sitting cross-legged on his bedroll, Joe was still having trouble trying to get his story out and Pa knew it just by looking at his body language. His boy was easily read at such times as these, like in the way that he dropped his chin down to his chest and his lips were held taunt like he couldn’t have opened his mouth even if he had tried.

Ben needed to find a way to get his son to ease up a bit, acutely aware that there was an internal struggle going on within Joe which was preventing him from getting it all out.  Pa moved across to the other bedroll and sat down right alongside Joseph hoping that his physical presence might provide him with some badly needed moral support and allow for some progress.

“Joseph,” Pa paused and wrapped his arm around his son’s shoulder and squeezed it gently, offering him his understanding in a calm fashion, hoping that it would work this time around.  “I know what you’ve been carrying – and I know you’re feeling bad.  How about we talk about it?  No sense you keeping it from me any longer.”

“You’re right, Pa,” He confessed and took another sip of the whiskey.  He finally lifted his head and stared into the compassionate eyes of the man who wasn’t just his father but his best friend as well.  Joe knew that if he could just get everything out and share how he was feeling with Pa that somehow things would seem better and so he began, “Okay – I know Sam told you some of this — but I might as well tell you everything.”

“Go on,” Ben coaxed his son on with a slight pat to his shoulder.

“Okay, you sent me to take those bids over to Fort Lowell to give to the general and I was making pretty good time.  I’d probably have made it there in just another day and a half.  Anyway— I had just made some beans and coffee when out of nowhere this man walked into my camp.  He was carrying a rifle but didn’t have it pointed towards me – just kind of smiled at me and said he’d seen my campfire.”

Ben simply nodded and waited for Joe to continue.  He knew that his son had a lot to get off his chest and didn’t want to interrupt once he had finally begun the arduous task of purging his memories.

“I offered to share my food with him — just like you always said if a stranger was in need.  I didn’t see anything that would’ve set me on edge – the guy just walked in smiling you know?”

“I’d have done the same,” Ben reassured his son.

Joe gave a slightly uncomfortable shrug of his shoulders and continued.  “I noticed he was wearing Jefferson boots, so I asked if he was in the army and he said he had been.  Then he introduced himself as Bill Tanner and said he had been a tracker for the army for many years and he missed it.  We ate and then got to talking a bit more.  That’s when things turned a bit strange.”

“How so, Son?”

“He said he liked to track down men – and not animals.  He was against hunting animals in fact but said men were different.  Then he said that man was just the smartest of all animals.  I told him that animals only kill for food, and he asked me if it was okay for man to kill for his food.  I thought that seemed a bit odd to say.  I told him I didn’t hold to killing any man for that.  Then he kind of dropped it all and said he’d make breakfast in the morning to repay me for supper.  I told him that would be fine by me.  We said goodnight and I thought that was it.  But I heard him kind of talking out in what I supposed was his sleep – but it was more like he was wide awake and talking to someone who wasn’t there.  It set me on edge for just a minute – but then it passed,” Joe paused and drank a bit more of his whiskey.  “I wish that I had listened to my gut, Pa—I’d have made him clear out.  I mean — through the years –after all the hard cases that we’ve encountered along the way — why did I let my guard down this time?” Joe’s eyes burned with such intensity as he stared up at his father.

“You’re second guessing yourself again, Joseph.  That serves no use after the fact,” Pa answered softly.  “Now go on— tell me what happened next.”

Joe stood from the bedroll and began pacing in front of the campfire unable to sit still to tell the awful story of what Tanner had done the next day.

“I woke up and somehow, he had gotten all my gear – my gun – my horse and all my food – well everything I had other than my jacket and hat.  I can’t believe that I slept that soundly, Pa!  I mean he was able to do all of that with me lying right there not six feet from him – it was almost as though he was a phantom who could move without making a sound.  I rarely sleep that hard you know – not when I’m out in the elements.”  Joe frowned and shook his head, still angry with himself over the whole ordeal.  He stared down at the campfire and ceased talking again.

“He was a seasoned tracker with the army, and I’m sure he’d been taught how to do those kinds of things, Joseph.  It could’ve happened to anyone – now go on — what happened next?” Pa urged him to continue, knowing he had much more to get out.

“I spotted him up on the ridge above me.  I asked him if he was playing some kind of a joke and he said no that he wasn’t.  He wanted to prove that I would kill him for food.”

Ben sat straight up as his heart dropped in his chest.  It was gradually beginning to dawn on him why his son had been so terrified.

“I told him that I wasn’t gonna kill him over any food he’d taken.  I told him to just keep it.  But he wasn’t going to leave it like that, Pa.  He told me he was going to prove that I would try to kill him because he was going to try and kill me.  He said he’d give me four hours and then he was going to track me down and kill me – for no real reason, Pa – just hunt me down – for the sake of the hunt and the satisfaction of the kill, I guess.  I wasn’t going to play his game—but then he sent a shot that just barely missed hitting me.  That’s when I knew that he was deadly serious about tracking me and killing me. He fired again – that time even closer to me.  There wasn’t anything else that I could do, Pa – I began running as he laughed and then I kept on hearing him shouting, “run, Joe Cartwright, run – four hours – four hours!” it echoed through the desert as I took off.”

Stunned by what his son had just confessed, Ben grabbed the whiskey bottle and leaned forward on Joe’s bedroll.  He reached towards his son’s left hand, offering him more to drink.  Joe didn’t hesitate to drop his cup down and soon there was another ample shot of rotgut in their cups.  Both men sipped their drinks and didn’t speak for a few minutes.  Joe stood there in silence wondering how he was going to explain it all to his pa and Ben wondering how he would handle hearing what had happened to the son he loved so much.

The awkward stillness around the camp became deafening as Joe settled back down on the bedroll next to his father.  His broken arm began to throb even though he had a good amount of whiskey inside of him at the time.  Drawing in a deep breath and casting a slight nod over to Pa that he was finally ready, he continued his story.

“Okay so I’m running, you know?  Looking at places that maybe I could hide and figuring that if he’s really a tracker, he’d spot me, so I decided against that right off.  I didn’t know if he was going to wait four hours to hunt me or if he was right behind me with that shotgun waiting to take me down,” Joe stopped for a second and sipped his drink.  He glanced over at his father and the man looked petrified.  Worriedly he put his left hand on Pa’s arm and offered a reassuring pat.  He didn’t want to over tax his father who’d gone through enough the past year.  Pa had been correct in what he had said back in Sand Dust.  There were times when Joe felt like the roles had been reversed and it was his job to make sure that his father was okay just like Pa had always done with him through the years.

“Pa – I lived – don’t worry,” Joe added, pretending that he was doing better than he really was at the time.

Ben put his arm around his son’s shoulder and sighed.  “Well, yes of course I know that – now – but that doesn’t mean as a father it’s easy to hear this story.  Just you out there alone and running – if I had known—,” Ben trailed off, unable to fathom the horror his son had gone through and wishing he could have been there to help him.

“You sure you want me to tell you about this, Pa?  I mean— I don’t really have to?”

“Go on, Joseph,” Pa insisted, nodding his head.

Staring down at the bedroll Joe spoke out in a voice that suddenly seemed filled with a mixture of confusion and terror.  “I finally got to that stream – you know – where you found my jacket?  I was so thirsty — and exhausted.  That’s when I decided to throw it on the other side from where I was heading to hopefully fool him.  It didn’t work, Pa. The only thing I got out of that move was a good long drink and my clothes wet as I dove into that water,” Joe stopped again and looked into his father’s eyes to see how he was taking his story.  Pa still looked extremely upset.

“I’m fine, Son – stop worrying about me – I’m your father you’re not mine,” Pa nodded and cast a knowing smile over at Joe.  He knew how much he worried about him; Joseph had been watching over him like a hawk for the last twelve months, so afraid that he’d buckle under the pressure of his loss.  Pa felt that it was time that he reclaimed his role as the patriarch and he was going to try his darndest to accomplish that on their way home.  “Now go on,” He stated firmly and with a quick pat to his son’s shoulder.

“Okay— so once again I’m running as fast as I can — just running away, you know?  I didn’t figure on a direction — just as long as it was away from where I’d seen Tanner last.  I don’t know – I could’ve run ten miles or heck it could’ve been twenty.  It’s hard to tell how far you’ve gone or how long you’ve been running when you’re trying to stay alive.  It might have been two hours or four.  I was about out of wind, and my sides were aching like the devil but then I saw a little spread out in the distance and that revived me.  I figured I’d get some help – you know – a gun – something.  Of course, a man running in looking like me—all wild haired and covered in sweat—I’d have some explaining to do — but it was a chance and I ran as fast as I could to get there.”

“I take it nobody helped you?” Ben asked, figuring if they had, Joe wouldn’t have ended up with a broken arm and a trip into a deserted town.

Joe’s face grew grim and his eyes misted up and Pa wondered what he was thinking about and why it so suddenly had affected him like that.  “Joseph?”

The shirt sleeve was big, after all it was Pa’s, but it came in handy as Joe blotted his eyes and sucked in a deep breath.  “No— no, Pa – this nice man— he tossed water on me to bring me back around – I guess I just slap passed out as soon as I made it to his corral.  He was an older man – and he wanted to help me – even though he didn’t know me.  I asked for a gun, but he said he’d never kept one.  Then I saw he had a horse—it wasn’t much but it was a way out – and I still had just enough money in the top pocket of my shirt to pay him.  He said the horse wasn’t worth what I handed to him, but I said it was to me.  Then he said he’d get me a saddle, and I sat there for just a few seconds thinking that it was all going to be okay.  That’s when I heard the crack from Tanner’s rifle,” Joe dropped his head down and this time he didn’t push away his tears.  He just let them roll down his cheeks; he didn’t care anymore.  “Pa – Tanner shot that man – that man who was going to help me – shot him in the back!  I ran over to him and the last thing he said before he died was “why’d anyone want to go and do a thing like that”.  I caused his death, Pa.”

“No, Joseph – no,” Ben whispered and pulled him a bit closer, offering his shoulder for comfort.  “Tanner is responsible for his death not you, Son.  Sam told me that Tanner gunned a lot of men down in the last three weeks for no reason whatsoever.  That man’s death is not on you – you need to remember that.”

“If I just hadn’t showed up there – if I’d run another way – he’d be alive, Pa,” Joe insisted shaking his head filled with more remorse than he could handle at the time.

“Tell me the rest now – come on – let’s get it all out and then the two of us will handle it,” Pa coaxed his son because he knew that Joe had to get it off his chest or it would keep eating at his soul.

Mopping at his eyes again, Joe continued, “Tanner yelled that I had cheated and now I only was going to get one hour’s head start.  He said to run.  Pa – I’d have stayed and given that poor man a decent burial— I would have!”

Ben just nodded and patted Joe’s back to continue.  Sometimes words just weren’t enough to ease grief, he knew that well.

“I ran – just like before – heading out into nowhere again.  I got to this big hilly patch—just rocks, cactus and some small scrub trees.  I still don’t know how I fell, Pa – but I did – and I rolled down that darn hill end over end and hit so many rocks – that’s what busted my arm.  You know I’ve had my share of broken bones – but this arm,” Joe stopped and indicated his cast.  “It hurt something awful, Pa!  I pulled myself up under one of those little trees and saw that bone sticking out of my skin and thought I was through.  But – that’s when — well — Hoss was there with me,” Joe stopped to gauge the look on his father’s face to see if he would be able to handle the mention of his brother.  He stared over at Pa with heightened concern in his gaze.  Joe didn’t want anything to upset him and perhaps affect his health, which was always in the forefront of his mind and had been for a year.

“Will you please stop worrying about me — I’m okay, Joseph –now tell me about Hoss,” Pa encouraged him onward.

“I heard him, Pa – not just like a memory – it was him I’d swear it!  He told me to get out my boot-knife and cut me a stick off that tree and make a proper splint.  Hoss was guiding everything I did under that tree and somehow it calmed me and made me think I could actually survive all of this.  So, I did exactly what he told me to do – I cut that old green branch – with my dull boot-knife that I no longer have — by the way.”

“I think I can afford to get you another one, I’ll include that in your raise,” Ben nodded over at his son.  “Go on.”

“I did what Hoss said, I put my wrist up to that tree and tried to pull hard enough to set that bone.  But I guess that I was too weak by then because it never really popped back inside my arm.  I couldn’t wait any longer – so I tied my belt around that make-shift splint and headed off again.”

Ben shook his head and pulled Joe a bit closer to him feeling so awful for the pain he had endured and how traumatic his flight to escape Tanner had to have been.  “I can’t imagine how bad you must’ve been hurting, Son.”

Nervously Joe rubbed at the cast on his arm and then stared up into Pa’s sympathetic eyes.  “To tell you the truth I got past the pain, Pa.  I had to start running again – and climbing too.  I heard Hoss as plain as day and he said “Little Joe, he’ll never find you up in those rocks.  You get yourself up there and try to find you some food” I swear I wasn’t hallucinating – it really was Hoss!” Joe fought to get his point across to his father that his brother had indeed been with him there on that rocky incline.

“Joseph,” Ben began and tried to force his gaze on him so he could read what was in his eyes at the time.  “You don’t have to convince me that you heard your brother.  I’ve heard him too – and more than once.”

The expression on Joe’s face was filled with both surprise and awe due to what his father had admitted, and he could tell that he was telling him the plain truth.  “You’ve heard him?  Why didn’t you tell me, Pa?”

Shrugging his shoulders Pa didn’t know how to reply at first.  “I guess I figured you’d think that your poor old father had finally lost his mind.  I know you’ve been worried about me—and you’ve gone out of your way to be the strong one this past year, Joseph.  But you don’t have to do that anymore.  I’m fine – better than I was,” Ben paused and stared at Joe again, hoping that he could finally get through to him that all was well as far as his health was concerned.  “As for your brother — I sometimes feel Hoss right behind me – and there are times I’ve heard his voice.  Oh – it might just be a word or two here or there but it—well – it means so much to know he’s still around – and to also know that he was with his little brother when you really needed him.”

Holding his hands up to his eyes, Joe spent more than a few tears after hearing his father’s revelation.  He had been so sure that Pa would’ve thought he was out of his head due to heat exhaustion and that he hadn’t really heard his big brother.  But now he knew that if Pa said he heard Hoss that it was carved in granite that he had.

“Go on, Joseph, what did you do next?”

Joe closed his eyes and thought on what his next move had been and then continued, “I got to the rocky heights just like Hoss said – I climbed as far as I could, Pa.  He had said to find some food so with that old dull boot knife I found some wild roots and I dug into them.  It was kind of funny— you know I heard Hoss again – you know what he said?”

Ben simply shook his head and waited to hear the account of what Hoss had told his little brother, who he evidently had been trying to protect from the hereafter.

“Well – I was spitting out dirt and fussing about how awful those roots were and then I heard him say “Little Joe – it ain’t much worse than those mesquite beans I forced on you when the two of us went hunting and ended up toting an Indian girl and baby.”

That memory brought a big smile to both Ben and Joe’s faces as they shared a quick reminiscent glance back and forth.

“Oh, yes – I remember that time – you two boys and your wild escapades over the years!  You both go out hunting — get stuck in a snowstorm – never end up getting any real game and bring back an Indian girl and baby.  Not unlike all your other adventures, Joseph!” Pa exclaimed with a broad smile on his face.

“Yeah – like – that!” Joe pointed at the pint of whiskey sitting to his father’s right.  “How about a little more – because I remember reading that whiskey sometimes loosens the tongue, Pa,” Joe grinned.

Groaning, Ben lifted the bottle and poured a smaller shot than the last one into his son’s tin cup.  “Oh, not the time the two of you boys thought that you were detectives?  I’ll never forget that – for as long as I live.  I send you and Hoss to town just on a simple little errand to drop something off at the bank and bring back some horseshoes. Then the next thing I know I have to go into Virginia City because you were both drunk as skunks!”

Joe laughed because of the wonderful memory of coercing his big brother into going along with his plan to prevent a bank robbery by trying to get information off a suspect.  It turned out that the only information that was gleaned was the information that Joe had given to the crook due to him and Hoss getting absolutely intoxicated.  “Hey Pa – I thought you’d strangle me that night!  You were inches from my face,” Joe broke into laughter and for the first time in days he wasn’t feeling down on himself.

“I was going to strangle you, Joseph – but I couldn’t take you both on at the same time,” Ben countered and took a sip of his liquor.

Suddenly the merriment around the camp changed back to an uneasy stillness as Joe’s eyes reflected the fear he had felt up there in the rocks looking down and waiting to spot Tanner.

“Joseph?”

“Okay, Pa – there was something that Tanner did – just another odd way he had of setting someone’s nerves on end.  He whistled – whistled the same darn tune all the time just to let me know he was getting closer.  I heard it from up in the rocks – it was like a kid’s kind of tune— I think I’ve heard it before — but I swear I hope I never hear it again!  He had found me – so I had to get down and start all over and I didn’t think I could do it.  But Hoss yelled that time and told me to get moving — so I did,” Joe turned and stared into his father’s eyes.  His voice took on a strange cadence, almost like that of a child’s as he asked, “Pa – do you think if anyone else was there they would’ve heard Hoss like I did?”

Drawing in a deep breath Ben simply shrugged his shoulders and replied, “Does it really matter, Joseph?  You heard him – and maybe it was just meant for you.”

“I guess you’re right,” Joe agreed and sipped his drink.  “I got to the point where I didn’t think I could run much longer.  I was hot – so hot – and tired – I did find a bit more water and that’s when I decided to try and make a trap for him.  I can’t tell you if I wanted to kill him with it or not – I think I just wanted to stop him – but I don’t know anymore.  I made my tracks clear enough and then pulled a long branch down from a tree—one that was real green inside – I didn’t cut it all the way—I just fixed it up so it would sort of spring back.  Then with some work – and it wasn’t easy with this arm broken in two—but I made a good-sized spike and planted it at the end of the branch.  Hoss told me not to accidentally set it off as I covered it up with dirt and sand.  Tanner was going to walk my tracks and hopefully step there and it would spring back and hit him.  I didn’t care where it got him – just so it made him stop chasing me!”

“That was a wise move, Son,” Ben agreed and patted him on the back.

“So, I hid up on the ridge and waited.  I heard that whistle of his again and then suddenly he screamed!  He really screamed like he’d been hurt – but then I couldn’t trust it – you know?  I figured he might’ve seen the darn trap and faked getting hurt, so I’d think that it caught him, and so I started running again.  Pa – that part was the hardest – and I’m telling you I wanted to just quit,” Joe sighed and dropped his head feeling quite spent from the retelling of events.

“You didn’t quit- and that’s the most important thing, Joseph,” Ben reassured his son.

“You were with me too, Pa – oh not in the same way that Hoss was – just in the little things you always used to tell me.  Like how you’ve got to have faith even when the going gets rough — things like that.”

“I never thought you listened to me,” Ben teased as he patted his son’s shoulder and smiled.

“I’ve always listened to you, Pa – I just never let on to you that I did,” Joe nodded with a grateful smile on his lips.  “I got to the point where I could barely lift my legs up high enough to keep running and I’d turn and look behind to see if he was still coming after me.  Then – well – Pa when I turned around again there was the biggest rainbow that I’d ever seen in my life!  For just a minute I felt like it was a sign from God and then I fell, Pa.  I’d had it – that was the end – or so I thought.  I just kept telling myself that I couldn’t go on.  I halfway passed out – and then a rainstorm came out of nowhere and woke me.  I got to my knees and pulled myself up and that’s when I spotted that town in the distance.  All I could say was “thank God” and hurry towards it.”

Ben knew that the story was getting close to the conclusion and he lifted the whiskey bottle up and shot a questioning glance at his son.

“No,” Joe shook his head and grew pensive.  He had to finish his tale and finally be done with it all, or so he hoped.  “I hurried into that town and cried out for someone to help me – but it was deserted!  No people – no guns – no horses – just a dead town.  I got halfway to a watering trough and fell on my face.  I told myself that I wasn’t going to make it.  That’s when I heard that whistling – Tanner was coming into the town – I hadn’t stopped him with my trap— maybe wounded him – but not stopped him from tracking me.  It was then that I’d finally had enough of running.”

“Tell me,” Pa urged his son to get it all out in the open so they could both handle it together.

“I saw this old jail — the kind where you can bar the door from the outside.  I figured if I could just make it up onto the roof that I might trick him into going inside.  Lord it was hard climbing up there—with this arm — and being so tired I just wanted to cry – but I did it.  I could see him drawing closer and looking around.  There was a chimney pipe right next to where I was hunkered down, and I had a good-sized rock that I’d found up there on the roof.  So, I just waited for him to get close enough that he’d hear the sound as I dropped that rock down through that stove pipe.  And when I did, he turned right away and pulled his rifle out in front of him and walked inside.  I had a split second to jump off the roof and slam that metal bar down to lock him inside.  And I did it, Pa!  I don’t know how—I don’t know why he didn’t see me right then, but I got him locked in there securely and then I just fell to the ground by the door and listened as he blasted that rifle all around inside.  That’s when I passed out cold.  Next thing I knew an old miner was there giving me a chug of whiskey.  I asked him about Tanner, and he said he was inside dead.  He said that Tanner’s heart must’ve just quit on him.  Then he asked if he was a friend of mine – and I told him the truth – that I never knew him,” Joe looked over at his father, and he realized how much the story had affected him.   “The rest you know, Pa.  That miner hauled me to Sand Dust — which was a good thing since we had friends there.”

Ben sat there motionless trying to figure out what to do or say that might help his son over all that he had gone through and how it was still plaguing both his waking and sleeping hours.

“Joseph?” He called quietly and watched as his son turned his eyes on him.  “What bothers you the most about all this?”

“I don’t know, Pa,” Joe whispered, turning his face away.

“Hey— come on it’s me — tell me what you’re thinking.”

Biting at his bottom lip and trying his best not to break down in tears, Joe attempted to get his worries out over all that had transpired.  “I guess it’s the fact that I was so afraid — so scared, Pa!  I don’t know how long it lasted – seemed like forever to me – but I was scared every single minute of it.”  Turning his face away from his father again, so embarrassed over his confession about having been so afraid, Joe couldn’t speak.

“Joseph, look at me – c’mon look at me,” Ben insisted.  When his son failed to do so, Pa gently placed his hand underneath Joe’s chin and turned his son’s head himself.  “Joseph, why in the world are you so upset?  It makes no sense to me.”

Joe choked back tears and fought to answer.  “Because I was scared, Pa, — the whole time – running away like a frightened animal!” He replied, his voice cracking as tears filled his eyes though he had tried his best to keep them at bay.

Ben thoroughly studied the face before him, and it was very evident that Joe was still traumatized over the whole incident and that he was warring with himself over his fears while trying to remain strong and in control.  Pa chose his words carefully, hoping to ease his son’s mind over all that had happened.  “Joseph, you were unarmed against a professional tracker who had a rifle and a handgun.  ANYONE and I mean ANYONE would have been scared over being tracked down like that.  You might call it fear but I call it a healthy dose of a man’s natural instinct to survive.  And the odds were against you, what with that crazed man and running so long in the heat of the desert.  But just look at what you did, Son!  You tried to throw him off your trail – you even made a trap to try and stop him.  Your body was about as played out as a man could be and still you kept going.  On top of all of that — you broke your arm slap in two!  That would’ve completely defeated just about any other man, but you kept moving refusing to give up.  And then when you could no longer run you climbed up on that roof – broken arm and all – and you tricked a man who was a seasoned tracker to go inside.  Then you only had a few seconds to make the decision to jump off that roof and lock him in!”

Joe stared into his father’s eyes and the pride in his voice almost surprised him with its intensity.

“Joseph–,” Ben paused, tenderly laying the palms of his hands on either side of his son’s face, gently brushing aside the advancing tears with his thumbs.  “There isn’t another Cartwright alive or dead who could’ve done what you did out there in the desert.  I’m proud — very proud of you, Son, for never giving up.”

Joe fell into his father’s arms and held onto him, giving up all his feelings of being afraid and finally realizing that he had done his very best to keep going.  It had only been in the reflection of Pa’s eyes that he could see himself clearly enough to know that he had bravely won the long battle to stay alive.

Ben held onto his son knowing that he had been traumatized, injured, hunted like an animal and all the while filled with sadness over the death of the one man who had tried to offer him help in the desert and who had been killed right in front of Joe’s eyes.  But there had also been his brother Hoss’ voice which had come to his aid and spurred him on, possibly saving his life.  Now what was left were remnants of the whole ordeal to sort through, talk about, and hopefully in time move on from.  Pa was at last back in his element after many months of watching his youngest trying to protect him more like a father would have done and less like a son.  Ben wanted, no, he needed to get back to the role that he cherished most, and that was of being “Pa”.  Joseph had to get back to being his son again and to stop believing that his father was too frail emotionally and physically to hold up to the demands of that position.  Ben was determined to reconnect with his youngest and come hell or highwater he’d get the two of them on a stage to San Francisco the day after the cast on Joe’s arm was taken off.  Pa had things he needed to show him and much more paternal wisdom to pass down to him until sometime in the future, God willing, Joseph would finally have his chance to spout lectures while in his own paternal stance.  But, as for the present, Pa would hold onto the moment and hold onto his son who was still locked inside of his protective embrace.  Joseph needed it and it was well deserved, having waited long enough to be the one who was watched after and cared for.

“Joseph?  How about letting me be your father again?” Ben whispered as he swiped a hand through his son’s tousled hair.  “You know I’ll never be old – now isn’t that what you told me the other night?”

Joe nodded his head and answered softly.  “You’ve never stopped being my father – and no—you’ll never be old, Pa.”

“Then how about you going back to being my youngest?  You’re pretty good at that from what I remember.”

“Pa – I’ve always been your son – what are you saying – I don’t understand?”

Ben gently tilted his son’s chin up to look into Joe’s troubled eyes and asked softly, “How about telling me what you were thinking out there – while you were on the run?  I believe there’s more to your story, Son.  C’mon – let’s get this all out now.”

Shaking his head, not in disbelief but in a quiet acknowledgement over the way his father had always been so in tune with him and his thoughts, Joe finally answered his question.

“I don’t know – there were so many things that I thought about – you know?”

“Like?”

Joe stood and neared the campfire and stared down at the dying embers.  He knelt and tossed in a couple of good-sized wood scraps while fanning the flames with his left hand to get it going again.  “Gonna get colder tonight, Pa, we’d best keep this fire going.”

“Joseph,” Ben’s voice was stronger and more insistent as he tried to get his son to fess up to what he’d dealt with during his struggle to survive.  “We’ll see to the campfire – but I’m trying to talk to you right now.”

“It was all just random thoughts out there, Pa – nothing too important,” Joe tried to downplay all that he had worried about out in the desert, figuring that his father didn’t need to have any other worries on his mind after already enduring his rather long story that night.

“So? You were close to death, and you just had some random thoughts, huh?” Ben called across the camp, not buying one word his son had proffered. He finally pulled himself up off the bedroll and stretched his back some before joining Joe there next to the campfire.  “Joseph – I swear talking to you lately is like pulling teeth!  Why won’t you just talk to me like you used to do?  You were such a hardheaded child but – well – you weren’t this uncooperative when you were little.”

Joe dropped his head trying not to show his constant concern over his father’s health, which always plagued his mind.  “Pa – you’re not supposed to get upset anymore, remember?”

Ben groaned loudly and then placed a hand onto Joe’s shoulder and squeezed it.  “Oh, not that one again!  Joseph, that was a year ago — I’m fine – it’s passed now.”

“But Doc said –,” Joe began to protest but he was cut off by his father.

“Doc Martin said for me to take it easy – he didn’t tell me to sit in a rocking chair on our front porch and stare at the squirrels.  And that was a year ago, like I told you last month, Joseph, he’s now given me a clean bill of health.  I am NOT a FRAIL and DECREPID OLD MAN!” Ben fumed loudly placing a great deal of emphasis on each word he had said as he forced his son to look into his eyes.  “Please – stop protecting me – I don’t need it.  Now – tell me what you were thinking while that maniac was chasing you?”

“Okay—okay,” Joe acquiesced, knowing that he would only get his father more upset and Pa’s protests would grow louder the longer he held back from him.  “I was worried — worried that if I died out there—that you’d never know what had happened to me — never find my body— and you’d end up grieving yourself to death over it.”

Ben shook his head in frustration and sighed deeply.  He reached for his son and abruptly pulled him to his chest.  “Oh, Joseph— you’ve just got to stop being the “pa” from now on!  You should’ve only concerned yourself with surviving that whole terrible ordeal – and not worried about what would’ve happened to me if you didn’t make it.  You see this is our problem – we’ve gone round and round about it for a whole year now.  You were so consumed with fear that you’d lose me after losing your brother that you ended up putting yourself in the role of being the father in our relationship!   Joseph, I don’t need a father or a caretaker either.  So please stop trying to be ME – I need you to be YOU!  Now, no more of this.  No more slipping into my bedroom late at night to make sure that I’ve not had a heart attack or something.  Yes – I know you’ve been doing that,” Ben paused and sent down a knowing smile aimed at his son, thinking of the great lengths that he’d gone through trying to watch over his health.  “I promise you — I’m not going anywhere.  I appreciate all that you’ve done these last twelve months or so, but I’ve had enough of you worrying about me and hovering over me all the time.  Unfortunately, that was one of the reasons that I sent you to the fort with those bids, Joseph.  I needed to get you out from underneath me some and I knew that you needed some time away for your own wellbeing.  I’m sorry that decision ended up putting you in all that danger.”

Feeling his father’s fingers softly combing through his hair, Joe closed his eyes and tried to remember back to a time when he hadn’t been petrified that he was going to lose Pa at any minute.  After Hoss had died Joe’s thoughts had turned to keeping his father alive at all costs and as each day had passed his worry over the man’s health had escalated so that when he was out in the desert, even though he was running to save his own life,  all he could think about was how Pa would take his death.  He felt the strong arms encasing his shoulders and they sure felt just the same as they had before his worries had taken over, back when Pa was invincible in every way.  It was how he had always thought of his father until Hoss’ death had caused him to believe that Pa needed to be watched over and protected.

“I’ve – well – I’ve been so worried about you, Pa.  When Doc told me that he wasn’t sure you were going to make it after losing Hoss – well all I could think about was that I just couldn’t lose you too.  I wasn’t willing to risk anything happening to you.  I know – I probably went a bit overboard – but I couldn’t help it.  Then when you showed up in Sand Dust – though I was glad to have you there – I couldn’t help worrying that I’d put too much on you – with that long ride and doing it even faster than I could’ve done – well it scared me.  It was another reason that I didn’t want to tell you what I’d gone through.  I know you told me last month that you were okay—but I couldn’t bring myself to believe it.  Just the thought of anything happening to you – it’s made me feel paralyzed with a kind of fear that’s never left me.  I can’t lose you, Pa – I just can’t,” Joe confessed through his tears.

“Oh, Joseph,” Ben sighed and forced his gaze.  “You’re not going to lose me – unless you drive me insane with all your overly protective antics –and acting like my father and not the other way around.  I want you back as my son now, okay?”

“Okay, Pa,” Joe choked out as he swept the tears from his eyes.  “I’ll let you be Pa from now on and I’ll go back to being your disobedient youngest son again.  If it will make you feel any better, when we get home the very first thing I’ll do is put these dirty boots up on the coffee table.”

“Yes – Joseph — you just try and do that and you’ll see what happens,” Ben warned sternly and then broke into a smile.

“Hey, Pa?” Joe asked, suddenly turning introspective about all that had happened the past several days.

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry that I worried you.  But you know even after being chased across the desert by that lunatic— seeing you there at my bedside when I came around at the hotel – well,” He trailed off.

“Finish your thought, Son.”

“Well, the minute that I saw you next to me all the fear I’d felt for days just disappeared.  My Pa was there and I – -well,” Joe choked up again and couldn’t continue.

“Come here,” Ben whispered and leaned forward, gently easing his son back to his chest.  “I know exactly what you’re saying, Joseph.  Because the minute that I saw you — and that doctor said that other than a broken arm that you’d be okay – I felt the same way.  Yes, you’ve scared me through the years — and most of the time through no fault of your own.  Just knowing that you’d be fine – well – it made everything right with the world again.”

Joe stood there drawing comfort from his father’s tight hold.  After a year of being so scared that his father wasn’t strong enough to hold up to all of life’s challenges, he was now acutely aware that Pa was the same indestructible man he’d always been.  Joe felt like he could breathe easier for the first time in an entire year.  “I just want you to know, Pa, in case I haven’t said it enough – you’re the best father anyone could ever have.”

Ben patted his son’s back and sighed, “Well, you have said that a time or two, Son – but it’s nice to hear.  Oh – and Joseph?”

“Yeah, Pa?”

Ben coughed into his hand to clear the thick emotion from his throat and said, “You still owe me two dollars for that jacket.”

Laughing, Joe shook his head and grinned up at his Pa.  “Yes, Sir,” He answered.

Easing his son out of his arms, Ben returned, pointing over to his son’s bedroll, “Now, Joseph, you lay back down and get some sleep.  We’ve still got some long miles ahead of us until we’ll be home.”

“Well, you’re right back to being Pa – always ordering me around,” Joe sighed and walked back to his bedroll.

Taking the time to top off the wood of the campfire so they’d have some warmth for the night, Ben watched as his son settled down onto his bedroll and covered himself up with the blanket.  He walked over to his own bedroll and cast a quick glance to see if Joe was getting ready to nod off.

“Looks like between all we’ve done the last few days and all that we talked about tonight you’re about played out, Joe.  How’s that arm by the way?”

Joe smiled over at his father and nodded to him, “It’s fine, Pa.”

“You won’t be needing this anymore then,” He reached for the pint of whiskey which had half of its contents missing.  Ben dropped it back inside his saddlebags.

“You know I kind of miss hearing it –,” Joe began and then rethought his remark.

“You miss hearing what?” Ben coaxed.

“Being called Little Joe, Pa.  All the times I fussed over being called that – sometimes it really bothered me, you know?”

Chuckling, Ben nodded, “I know it did – and so did your brothers which was why they kept calling you that.”

“Yeah, I know – and once I got to be twenty it seemed like they said it even more just to try and embarrass me – especially when there was a new girl in town.  Hoss would really put the emphasis on “little” when he’d introduce me,” Joe broke out laughing at the thought.

“You’ll always be “Joseph” to me,” Ben quipped and reached over and patted his son’s left arm.

His eyelids beginning to droop giving away the fact that he was worn out, Joe whispered, “Pa – what I’d give to hear Hoss call me Little Joe one more time – you know?”

“I know,” Ben sighed resolutely.  “Go on to sleep, Son.”

Joe attempted to get his plaster cast situated next to his side and then he couldn’t fight off sleep any longer.  He closed his eyes and soon there was only silence coming from his bedroll as his father looked over at him.

Waiting a few minutes until he was sure that his son was sound asleep, Ben pulled himself off his bedroll and grabbed both sets of saddlebags.  He knelt next to his son and then lifted Joe’s cast, setting both bags underneath to make him more comfortable.

*** I know what you would say – Pa you’re fussing over me too much. *** He grinned down at his youngest.  *** Might just as well finish my fatherly duties now that I’m finally back in charge. *** Ben thought as he pulled the blanket up to his son’s chin and then softly combed his fingers through Joe’s curly hair.  “Goodnight, Little Joe,” Pa whispered thinking of his middle boy.  “Thanks for watching over your little brother, Hoss,” He looked up to the heavens and smiled and then made his way back to his bedroll.

Epilogue

Joe sipped at his coffee the next morning and grinned over at his father and announced, “Can you smell it, Pa?  The scent of those pines—I can’t wait to get back to the Ponderosa!”

Ben smiled knowingly over at his youngest and noticed that he appeared to be in much better spirits after the two of them had a good long talk the night before and had not only discussed all that Joe had gone through with Tanner but also redefined their roles as father and son.

“I expect we should be back to the ranch house right before dark if the weather holds up.  But I don’t want you pushing yourself too hard, Young Man.  We’ll get there.”

Joe winked and returned, “You worry too much.”

Ben reached over and patted his son’s arm and replied, “That’s a father’s prerogative.”

“I gladly give you that back, Pa – it was a lot tougher being a father for a little while than I thought it would be!”

Pa laughed and poured what remained inside the coffee pot onto the campfire.  “Oh, you did okay.  But I’d say you were a mite overly protective.”

“I wonder who I learned that from?” Joe offered a wry smile as he stared over at his father.

Ben stood to pack up the camp and called down to Joe.  “I’ve no idea who you’re talking about – surely not your father.”

“Pa, I woke up to find two sets of saddlebags underneath my cast – oh and how many days did it take you to get to Sand Dust?” Joe teased.

“Get to work – we’ve got a camp to pack up!” Pa ordered, disregarding his son’s remarks.  He turned his back on Joe and walked away though there was a broad smile on his face which he hid from his son.

**************

With a renewed urgency to get home both men made their way westward and only stopped to rest whenever Ben decided that Joe needed a break.  By late in the afternoon the two of them were only a few miles from the northeastern border of the Ponderosa when they made another stop to water the horses.

Joe stood and stretched after taking a few sips of water from his canteen.  “Hey, Pa – look over there!” He pointed to the steep rocky ridge above them.  “Bring back any memories?”

Ben chuckled as his gaze went up to the very top and could see in his mind’s eye his son Hoss with a pair of wings.  “Oh, my gosh – I hadn’t thought of Devil Wind Hill for ages!  I doubt I’ll ever forget looking up to see your brother Hoss standing there ready to launch himself down that incline.”

“Yep, he was an awfully big bird, Pa,” Joe broke into his unique trilling laughter.  “Boy he was smitten by that girl —what was her name, Pa?  I can’t remember.”

“Amanda – Amanda Klump.  I read an article in the paper about her not too long ago. She’s actually gotten some patents on her grandfather’s inventions.  Didn’t I tell you about it?” Ben asked as he set the canteen strap back over his saddle horn.

“I don’t think so – least ways I don’t remember.  You know I’m getting old and forgetful,” Joe grinned.

Ben stared at his son and remarked, “You might forget an article I told you about, but I bet you can still tell me her eye color, Joseph.”

“Blue – medium blue, Pa,” Joe nodded with a wry smile.  “And once my brother looked into them, he was hooked.  She was probably the only girl in the world who could’ve talked Hoss into strapping on those wings and trying to leap into history as the first man to fly.”

Ben sighed and shook his head.  “Well, oddly enough it was one of the few times that it wasn’t you but someone else who talked him into doing something foolish.  Most of his wild escapades were caused by his little brother.”

Joe reached over and patted his father’s arm and replied, “We kept you on your toes, Pa.  Life was never dull, was it?”

“Dull? No, I could write a book about all your adventures over the years – not to mention all your injuries, Young Man,” Ben indicated his son’s cast.

Laughing Joe shook his head and remarked, “Pa, if you wrote a book about my many injuries no-one would ever believe it.”

“I’d have to list it under fiction no doubt,” Ben agreed.  “And to tell you the truth the things you’ve done in your life are too bizarre for fiction in my humble opinion.”

Joe put his one good arm across his father’s shoulder and winked, “I told you that I’ve kept your life from being dull, Pa.”

“Okay, let’s get on home and see what else you can put your poor old father through,” Ben grinned as he patted Joe’s shoulder and then walked over to the horses.

“You’ll never be old, Pa – I told you that!” Joe insisted.

“Two more times boosting you up into this saddle and I will be,” Ben argued as he helped Joe mount his horse.

“I told you I could do it myself,” Joe protested with a smile.

Ben just groaned wearily and walked over to mount Buck.  “Let’s go, Joseph.”

*************

The two Cartwrights couldn’t help making a slight detour before heading for the ranch house.  They swung a bit farther west so they could make it to one of their favorite spots overlooking the azure blue of Lake Tahoe.  They didn’t dismount but simply took in the sound of the wind through the huge pine trees and the view of the lake.

Joe cast a sentimental look over at his father as he watched the man staring off into the distance.  He remembered all the times he had been to that one particular overlook with his pa.  At that moment his father looked just as strong and commanding as he always had.  The journey had been long and the experience in the desert had been a rough one, but Joe was back home and was sitting there next to his father and somehow that put everything into perspective again.

“It’s good to be home, Pa,” Joe whispered and reached over to touch his father’s arm.

Ben smiled and nodded to his son, “It sure is, Joseph.  I’ll never grow tired of looking at that lake.”

“Me neither — but don’t forget that you still owe me that trip to San Francisco to see the ocean just as soon as this darn cast comes off.”

Ben stared at his son with the type of stern paternal gaze that only he possessed.  “And don’t YOU forget that you still owe me two dollars for that jacket, Young Man.”

“Oh, you’ll get it, Pa – just as soon as my boss gives me a healthy raise.”

Before Ben could reply he noticed the twinkle of mischief in Joe’s eyes which forced him to place a firm hand onto his left wrist as he warned, “Joseph, I swear if you kick at that nag’s sides and race back to the house, I’ll –” He was cut short by his son.

“Oh, c’mon, Pa,” Joe returned indignantly.  “Would I do something like that?”

Ben stared even harder at his son and noticed the same impish grin he’d had even back when he had busted his forehead on the hearth taking his first steps.  Before Joe had the chance to kick at his horse’s sides Pa suddenly sent Buck off into a gallop, racing towards the ranch house.

Joe’s twittering laughter filled the air as he looked heavenward and said aloud, “And he wonders where I get it from!”  He shook his head and raced to catch up with his pa.

Soon both Cartwrights were riding side by side, each smiling over at the other as they entered the meadow which led to the house.  To a casual observer they would have only noticed that it was Ben and Little Joe Cartwright heading for their ranch house.  But both Pa and Joe felt Hoss to their right side and Adam over to their left as they made their way home.

(Not Ever) The End

Written by Wrangler

3/17/2026

(Note from the writer:  The reason that I chose to write this homage to parts of the original episode of “The Hunter”, which was brilliantly written and directed by Michael Landon, was due to numerous interviews where both Lorne Greene and Michael Landon spoke about being upset that this episode was used as the last episode for the Bonanza series.  They wanted to go out with a more family type of episode.  After thinking about it for many years, I decided to write this as a tribute.  I don’t consider it to be an ending but a continuation of the Cartwright saga.  Many episodes were mentioned in this story including The Deadly Ones, My Brother’s Keeper, The Stillness Within, A Matter of Circumstance, The Crucible, Joe Cartwright Detective, The Last Hunt, and The Birdman of the Ponderosa.  I blended a bit of “Wrangler – lore” into the tale but kept true to “The Hunter” when Joe spoke of what he went through – minus the parts about Hoss, which I wrote to honor him, and Joe’s age at the time. Thank you for reading this, I prefer to write “younger” Joe stories but wanted to give a little something back to the actors for all they’ve given me in the only way I know how.)

(Dedicated to my story consultant Rob who has, “Through the Years,” made me very happy.  And to the Cartwrights for giving me something to write about.)

*** The characters from the town of Sand Dust were from my stories “Best Medicine – Malice Aforethought” and “A New Light”. ***