Summary:  When his relationship with Little Joe is strained, Ben reflects on his feelings towards his own father.  A letter from the past reveals the true cause of the problem. Rating T, WC 22,323

I Am Your Child

***Whatever will come, will come from me.  Tomorrow is won, by winning me.  Whatever I am, you taught me to be.  I am your hope; I am your chance.  I am your child. *** (Song: I Am Your Child, lyrics by Barry Manilow)

Ben Cartwright drew in a deep unsettled breath as he paused just outside the door to his son’s bedroom.  He was afraid of what he’d find once he walked inside to see what Joseph was doing.  In his heart Ben knew.  The very idea of it made the lump in his throat double in size.  Deciding against knocking on the door to announce his presence, he pushed his way inside.  It was just as he had suspected, the boy was standing off to the side of his bed with what looked like every shirt he owned held there in his hands.  On his bed sat a carpet bag which looked as though it was already half filled.

“Joseph,” Ben’s voice came out with a note of hesitancy to it.

Little Joe shot a quick glance towards the door when he heard his father but didn’t respond verbally to his name being called.  He simply went back to what he was doing and continued to gather up his possessions.  As far as he was concerned there wasn’t anything else that he could say to the man.

Nearing the boy’s bed, Ben’s eyes surveyed the way that his son’s jaw seemed to suddenly tense up.  He reasoned that Joe was attempting to appear as though he was in full control over his emotions.  His father knew better.

“Joseph – stop.”

“Leave me alone, Pa,” he began, a sharpness to his tone of voice.  “I’ll be out of here in just a few minutes.  Then it’ll be like I never existed.  And that shouldn’t be too hard for you to imagine.  For two straight weeks you’ve been pretending that I’m not here anyway.”

“Son – it’s time that we talked –” Ben attempted to make his plea, but Joe jumped back in and cut him off.

“Talk?” Little Joe asked incredulously.  “Why is it that all of a sudden you want to talk to me now, Pa?” He spun back around to face his father trying to hide his heartbreak behind his impassive visage.

“I’m not going to let you leave,” he stated firmly, never taking his eyes off the boy and the controlled demeanor he was trying so hard to project.  “And no matter what you think about what’s happened these last couple of weeks – I can assure you that I have always cared about you, Joseph.”

“You have always cared!  Really, Pa?” Joe’s reply shot out high pitched and filled with one hundred per cent pain.  “You’ve pushed me away every single time that I’ve tried to talk to you.  You’ve treated me like I’m someone else’s son!” he declared and walked to the bureau to retrieve his hairbrush.  Little Joe had no intention of stopping what he had been doing.  He was going to finish packing and then leave the Ponderosa and that was that.

“Joseph, please – just listen to me,” Ben pleaded with the boy.  He had read the sorrow all over his son’s face even though Little Joe was doing his best to appear unphased by his father’s words.  He also appeared determined to finish packing up his belongings.

Joe leaned against his bureau and, resting his elbows on the top, he placed his hands up to his face.   With a slow mournful tone he replied, “I’ve watched the way you are with Adam and Hoss.  You’re the same as you’ve always been with them!  You put your arm around them – give them a pat on the back just to let them know that you care.  But with me – it’s been totally different.  You haven’t touched me in any way since that night out in the barn.  Come to think of it – you didn’t touch me that night either!  The only thing that touched me was your belt!  I just kept asking you over and over again why you were treating me differently.  And all you ever said to me was “go to bed, Joseph” or “go do your chores, Joseph” – anything that would get me out of your sight!  So now I’m getting out of your sight for good.”  He walked back to the bed and dropped the hairbrush inside his bag and then lifted his clothes to put them in next.

“Oh, Joseph,” Ben paused as he fought back his tears upon hearing what the boy had just conveyed.  It wouldn’t have been so heartbreaking if it hadn’t been true that he had pushed his son away; but it was.  “That’s not at all what I want.  This whole terrible situation has been my fault – not yours.  I’m asking you to listen to me, Son.  Just give me time to explain.”

Little Joe dropped the stack of shirts down onto his bedspread next to his carpet bag.  He closed his eyes and shook his head sadly.  As far as he was concerned Pa was only making things worse now.  If the man had just let him leave and not said a word about it, Joe felt it would’ve been more merciful.  He wondered what his father had to say to him now.  For better than two weeks Pa had pushed him away and kept him at arms’ length from him.  When Joe had attempted to ascertain why he was being given the cold shoulder all he had come up with was that letter that he had found from his grandfather hidden in Pa’s bible.  But even after reading it, all he knew was that it had gotten his father upset.  Of course, Pa didn’t know that he had sneaked into his bedroom that day and read it.  Regardless of all the hurtful words which the letter had contained, Joe failed to understand what, if anything, it had to do with the way Pa had been acting towards him.

“Why now, Pa?  Is it that you want me to stay because it would look suspicious if you suddenly only had two sons?  Would it tarnish your image as the perfect father?”

“Oh, Joseph, I know you’re hurting, and I can’t blame you for what you’ve been thinking.  Let’s talk this out before it goes any further.  Now will you let me try and explain it all to you, please?”

Little Joe looked down at his bedspread, trying his best not to stare across the room at his father.  He had made his mind up to leave the ranch and no matter what Pa was going to say it wasn’t about to dissuade him.  Weeks of feeling like the man couldn’t have cared less about him had caused, what seemed to Joe at the time, irreparable damage.

“Pa?” he finally choked out.

“Yes, Son?” Ben responded, hoping that he had opened the door of communication wide enough that they could resolve their problems and mend their relationship back to what it had been.

“Answer this one question,” he began, still fighting for control over his emotions to keep himself from breaking down.  Joe knew that he couldn’t let Pa’s words get to him no matter what his reply was going to be.  He had to remain strong so he would be able to do as he had planned and leave the ranch and never look back.

“What is it, Joseph?”

“Do you hate me?”

Feeling as though his breath had been stolen, Ben just stood there shaking his head filled with overwhelming sorrow that the boy would ever need to ask him that.  It had taken several minutes for Pa to regroup before even attempting to respond to his son’s question.

“Oh, Joseph,” he paused and squeezed his eyes shut tightly for a minute, fighting the tears that were trying to escape them.  There before him stood his youngest child, the apple of his eye, and Ben would never have imagined that he’d hear that question out of him.  Just the very idea of it pained his heart.  “Have I hurt you so badly that you’d think that I could ever hate you?” Ben returned, his voice quivering with an intense sadness that struck at his very soul.

“Yes,” Joe stated adamantly and turned away from his father’s gaze.  Pa had stared over at him as though he had really been shaken by his question.  But Joe couldn’t believe it after all the indifference that his father had shown him for so long.

Ben wanted to walk over to Joseph and wrap his arms around him.  He wanted to hold his son and prove that he had been so wrong about how he felt towards him.  But he couldn’t.  Not yet anyway.  There was the matter of an explanation first.  However, before that could be accomplished, he hoped that he could straighten out Joe’s way of thinking.

“Joseph, I love you,” Ben whispered, hoping with all his heart that the boy would turn back around and look at him.

Little Joe had waited so long to hear those words from his father.  But now, after all that had transpired between the two of them, they just came out sounding trite.  Joe felt that Pa had only said it because he knew that he was leaving home.

“You’re just saying that Pa.  If you really loved me, I would’ve known.  You wouldn’t have had to tell me,” He retorted.

Shaking his head over what the boy had replied, Ben tried again to get his meaning across to Joe.  “Just let me explain everything to you, Joseph, before you dismiss what I’ve just told you.”

Turning around, Little Joe stared across to the other side of his bed.  It being what separated the two of them now seemed appropriate.  There had always been a barrier, albeit an invisible one, which separated him from his pa the last several weeks.

“Pa,” Joe’s voice suddenly held a slight tremble to it.  He was consumed with both anger and heartbreak, and both emotions were so intense that he could taste them.  “It’s best for us both if we just put an end to all this.  I can’t take it anymore.  Just let me leave.”

Ben shook his head and then squared his shoulders.  He wasn’t about to let his son leave without first explaining his actions to him and the reason behind having kept him at bay.  Walking around the bed Pa stopped just a few feet from where his youngest stood.  He tried once again to find the right words that would make Joseph understand what had happened between the two of them.

“If I were to let you go it would kill me inside, Son,” he admitted with a fierceness to his statement.  He wasn’t going down without a fight, and it showed in his voice and in the expression that he now wore.

Joe looked at his father and raised a hand up in the air in gesture.  He couldn’t believe what Pa was saying to him.  “How can you say that to me now, Pa?  For weeks you’ve acted like I was nothing more than an inconvenient nuisance to you!  Why is it that I’m back in your good graces just because I’m packing up my things?”

“Joseph, please,” he pleaded once again, wishing the whole while that he could reach for the boy and hold him to his chest just to beg his forgiveness for both what he had done and what he hadn’t.  “I know that you’re hurt.  And I realize that I’m at fault.  But if you’ll just hear me out – maybe I can get you to understand.”

Staring down at the floorboards Joe let out an exasperated sigh and shook his head.  He had half expected tears to form in his eyes due to the thick clouds of sadness hanging in the air along with the raw emotion pouring out in all that they had said to each other.  But after weeks of expending so many tears there alone in his bedroom, Little Joe reasoned that he just didn’t have anything left inside anymore.

“I just can’t take this anymore,” he announced bitterly.  Pa had pushed him away one too many times and he wasn’t going to be hurt again.

“Joseph, please,” Ben tried again.  He didn’t care how many times he would have to plead with the boy he wasn’t going to give up.

Little Joe abruptly dropped down on his bed.  He sat in quiet consternation for several minutes wondering if there was any point in answering his father’s request.  Finally, nervously biting at his bottom lip, he responded to his father’s ardent plea.

“Go ahead,” he whispered.

“Thank you,” Ben sighed with relief as he settled down on the bottom of the bed.  He kept his distance from his son only because he had to.  “We’re going to have to go back to the beginning of all this, Joseph.  There are quite a few things that I’m going to have to explain to you,” he began and briefly closed his eyes.  It was time to go back three weeks to where it had all started.

************

Ben Cartwright’s boots pounded on the wood planking of the living room as he worriedly paced back and forth.  He had already looked out the front door half a dozen times and still there was no sign of his youngest son.  He couldn’t decide which emotion he was feeling more, anger or worry over the boy’s failure to come home on time as he had been instructed earlier in the day.  Ben eyed the brandy decanter across the room and was tempted to pour a healthy shot or two to calm his frazzled nerves.  He decided against imbibing in the liquor because he wanted his senses to be sharp upon the young man’s return.  He was planning on giving Joseph an earful.

After placing a few more logs on the fire, Ben settled into his red leather chair and thought of all the many lectures he had given Joseph over the last few weeks.  The boy had just turned seventeen and was becoming even more of a handful than he had been as a schoolboy.  Of course he was used to dealing with some rebellion, having already raised two sons.  But neither Adam nor Hoss had ever pulled the kinds of things that their little brother had.  When it came to being disobedient, Joseph broke the mold and, in fact, scattered it into pieces for his father to step on.  He groaned to himself when he looked over at the grandfather clock.   *** Midnight and still no sign of that disobedient little hellion *** he thought to himself and sighed.  Ben was more than concerned at that point and was just about ready to grab his holster and hat and go out after his son when he heard the footsteps out on the front porch.  *** This ought to be good.  Wonder what kind of yarn the kid will spin this time? *** he growled to himself as he stood from his chair.

Little Joe gingerly opened the front door hoping with all his heart that Pa had gone to sleep.  He knew it wasn’t likely, but he figured that it didn’t hurt to pray.  The minute that he turned and closed the door he heard his father coughing to clear his throat.  Little Joe winced his face knowing that was never a good sign.  Now he knew that he’d have to come up with an excuse as to why he hadn’t obeyed his father and had stayed out way too late.

“Oh, hi, Pa,” Joe announced nervously as he glanced across the room.  “Sorry I’m late.”

“Oh, that’s alright, Joseph, I know you’ve had a long ride to Virginia City and back,” he began drolly.  Ben moved over to where his son stood at the credenza unbuckling his holster.  Squaring his shoulders, and with his legs spread apart and his hands on his hips, Ben struck his usual paternal stance as he continued, “It’s really something how the rest of us can get back and forth from town in about one fourth of the time that it takes you though.  Should I have the vet come out and look at Cochise?  Perhaps she’s ill.”

Little Joe frowned and dropped his gaze to the floor.  He braced himself for the upcoming lecture.  He knew that the wisest thing to do now was to answer almost every question posed to him with a subtle “yes sir or no sir” to quell his father’s wrath.

“No, Sir, Cochise is fine.”

“Oh?  Then did you get lost on the way back?”

“No, Sir,” Joe repeated.

Ben leaned forward and breathed in deeply.  “That wouldn’t be whiskey that I smell on you, would it, Joseph?”

Little Joe realized that there was no point in trying to lie about the fact that he’d been drinking at the Silver Dollar Saloon.  Somehow Pa always knew.

“Yes, Sir, I had a little taste – not much,” He explained, still refusing to look into Pa’s eyes.

Ben folded his arms across his chest and studied the boy’s face before speaking.  “A taste, Joseph?  Would that be the same as about two shots?”

“No, Pa,” Joe answered, slightly shaking his head.

“Oh?  Am I supposed to stand here guessing how many “little tastes” you had at –,” He paused and glanced over at the clock, “Quarter past twelve?”

“Maybe a shot and a half,” Little Joe offered with a slight shrug to his shoulders.

“I see,” Ben nodded and moved closer to his son.  “Was the Silver Dollar on your way to the post office?”

“No, Sir – on the way back I kind of ran into a couple of friends and – well – time just got away from me.”

Frowning, Ben glowered at the boy but didn’t reply.

“Pa – I’m seventeen,” Little Joe protested his father taking issue with the fact that he’d been out drinking.

“I’m very aware of your age, Joseph.  You’ve been seventeen for two whole weeks.  But that doesn’t mean that you can stay out drinking until all hours.  And I’ve told you that I don’t want you to drink hard liquor.  I believe that I’ve told you you’re allowed to have one beer – and not even that too often.”

“Adam and Hoss –” Joe began but Pa cut him off quickly.

“I don’t want to hear you comparing yourself with your brothers, Young Man.  They don’t have anything to do with what we’re talking about right now.  And besides that, they’re both older than you!”

Little Joe crossed the room lifting his hands up in the air in gesture.  “C’mon Pa, they’re always going to be older than me!” He complained, his temper flaring.

“That’ll be enough, Young Man,” Ben warned and walked over to the boy.  “Neither of your brothers were out drinking whiskey when they were seventeen.  I don’t know why you think that you should be treated differently than I treated Hoss and Adam.”

Little Joe dropped his head and let out a deep sigh.  “I don’t want to argue, Pa.  Can I just go to bed?  It’s late.”

“I’m very cognizant as to the lateness of your arrival, Joseph.  Now sit down,” Ben pointed across the room and directed his son to take a seat.

Reluctantly Joe took a seat on the settee as he had been instructed.  He folded his arms across his chest trying to hold in his frustration as Pa sat down opposite him.

“You were supposed to finish your chores and then go into town for the mail.  That was hours ago.  Both your brothers came home on time, ate their dinner and went to bed.  Whereas I sat here worrying about something happening to you.”

“I can handle myself just fine,” Little Joe muttered and then noticed his father’s stern glare directed at him.  He reached inside his jacket and pulled out the stack of letters.  “Here,” he said and handed his father the mail.

Ben was unamused by what the boy had said, and it showed in the way he just tossed the letters down onto the coffee table.  “I think you can just stick around the house for the next week, Joseph.”

“That’s not fair!” Joe protested, springing up from the couch.  “I brought you the mail – and I got my chores done!”

“You also didn’t come home as I told you to do and you’ve been out drinking hard liquor.  That’s two counts that you have against you right now.  Should I add shouting to the list?” Ben asked as he stood again and faced the boy.

Little Joe shook his head and frowned.  “Okay—I’m sorry I shouted,” He whispered.

“Alright—and what about not following instructions and drinking?  Are you sorry you did any of that?”

“If it costs me a week around here, I am.”

Ben placed a hand onto his son’s shoulder and forced his gaze.  “Joseph, I don’t think that I’m being unreasonable with you.  Evidently you don’t care that I sat here worrying about you, but I was just about ready to head off to see if I could find you.  Your actions affect all of us whether you realize it or not.  Now there’s plenty of chores to do around here and more than enough to keep you occupied for a week or more.”

“Just because I was late?” He asked incredulously, still indignant over being restricted to the house for an entire week.

Groaning, Ben lifted his son’s chin and stared into the boy’s eyes.  “Joseph, we’ve gone over this already.  You didn’t do what you were supposed to do, you drank what you shouldn’t have, and you stayed out until midnight and made me worry.  One week working here at the ranch house isn’t much of a punishment.  Ask your brothers what they would’ve gotten had they done what you did today.  They’d tell you that they both would have had a trip out to the barn with me and a whole lot longer than a week of hanging around here!”

“Well, I’m sorry that I’m not as perfect as my brothers were at my age!” Joe returned angrily.

“You are this close now,” Ben warned, raising his hand and signifying an inch with his thumb and index finger.

Pushing away from his father, Little Joe turned for the stairs without another word said.

“Joseph!” Ben called after the boy.  “We’re not done yet.”

Spinning around, Joe stared over at his father.  “What now?  You going to threaten me with a tanning again, Pa?” He responded hurtfully.

Ben walked over to the stairs and reached for his son’s arm.  “Joseph,” he began softly trying to tap down his son’s temper.  “I don’t like being on the outs with you.  However, you’ve got to start following the rules around here.  If Adam or Hoss had done what you did today back when they were seventeen, they would have had this same restriction – plus a whole lot more.  And I don’t recall either of them ever flaring off at me like you’ve been doing here lately.  You need to watch your tone of voice.”

“Fine,” Little Joe muttered.  “Can I go now?”

Sighing wearily over his failure to get through to his son, Ben nodded to Little Joe and watched him walk up to his room.  *** That boy will probably be the death of me.  Why has he always been the hardest to raise?  Maybe I’m getting soft in my old age? *** he wondered and then walked up to his room for a few hours of sleep.

*************

The following day Ben had to explain to both of Joe’s brothers that he wouldn’t be riding out with them to tend the herd.  Hoss had stayed up late looking out his bedroom window until he saw his little brother get home.  He figured that there must’ve been a big blow out between his father and Little Joe, so he didn’t ask too many questions.  Adam had been up reading when his little brother had made it in and had heard Pa’s lecture thus, he didn’t have to ask Pa what had happened the night before.  When Joe came down the stairs and took his seat at the table the room fell hushed.  The silence wasn’t lost on him as he shot a glance at both of his brothers and then over to his father.

“I just told your brothers that you’ll be working around here for the next week, Joseph,” Ben announced and passed a cup of coffee to the boy.

“Great — I figured that’s what you’d do,” Joe stated flatly.  He knew that there were never any secrets in the family, and that his brothers had been told all about what he had done the previous day.  Little Joe filled his plate with bacon and eggs and was just about to start eating when Adam chimed in.

“Kid, you don’t need to be swilling rotgut it isn’t good for you,” Adam piped up from the end of the table.

Little Joe didn’t appreciate what his brother had said and it showed on his face.  “Well, it tasted just fine to me,” He spat back.

“You do know why they call it rotgut, right?” Adam returned, casting a disapproving glance over at Joe.

“I’ve already had the complimentary lecture, Adam, I don’t need another thank you,” He retorted.

“Boys – let’s have some peace at the breakfast table please,” Ben jumped in attempting to prevent another argument between the two sons who went after each other the most.

Ignoring his father’s statement, Joe rolled his eyes at his oldest brother and turned to Hoss for help.  “You drink rotgut don’t you, Hoss?”

Feeling put on the spot after noticing his father’s stern visage, Hoss tried to think of a diplomatic way around his brother’s question.

“Well – yeah, Little Brother, I drink it sometimes,” he said and paused to look at his father who was sitting there frowning.  “But I prefer a nice cold beer.  It doesn’t sneak up on a man like rotgut does.”

Clearing his throat to get the attention of all three of his sons, Ben announced, “Alright, Boys, next topic – I believe we’ve covered the foolishness of imbibing in rotgut sufficiently now.”

“I guess we’d better get out to the herd, Hoss,” Adam said and, polishing off the last of his coffee, stood from the table.  “Pa, we should be home before dark,” he offered and, looked directly at Little Joe, indicating with emphasis the fact that there wasn’t any valid reason to return home late like the boy had done the previous night.

*** He’s always got to add his own two cents in about everything that I do! *** Joe thought to himself and shook his head very annoyed.   He had a few choice words that he would’ve liked to say to Adam in response, but he didn’t think they would go over very well with his father at the time.

“See you, Pa.  See you Short Shanks!” Hoss called as he stood and made his way out of the dining room.

“You boys have a good day,” Ben returned as he watched them walk into the next room to get their gear.

Little Joe stared down at his plate and waited.  He presumed his father would have a few parting words to say to him before he left for town.

“Joseph,” Ben began and stared over at the boy.  “There’s wood to be chopped and those boards on the porch need fixing.  You’ll find everything you need already out there.  Then you can tackle the barn.”

Dropping his head down to his chest Joe chose his reply carefully.  “Are you really making me stay here all week, Pa?”

Ben nodded his head and replied, “Don’t you remember our little talk last night?”

“Well – yeah – but I just figured that you were kind of upset.  I didn’t think you really meant it, Pa.”

“I did,” Ben stated adamantly.  “I told you that you got off easy.  Just ask your brothers.”

“I can’t ask my brothers because they’re not out in the yard where I’ve got to stay!”

“Joseph – that’ll be enough.”

Standing from the table Joe dropped his napkin down on his plate.  “All I did was come in a little late – and I just had a little taste of rotgut,” he protested to deaf ears.

“Joseph,” Ben repeated himself, still staring at his son.

“The whole week, Pa?  I was going to see Mitch on Thursday.  If I get everything done, can’t I at least go over to his place?”

“One week.”

Drawing in a deep breath and trying his best not to offer another protest, Joe turned for the door.

Ben listened to the front door opening and waited to hear it close. He was a bit surprised that Joe hadn’t slammed it on his way out to show his displeasure over being stuck at the house.  He sat back in his chair and shook his head over the boy’s antics.  ***A taste indeed!  Does he really think I bought that?  That boy! *** Ben mused as he finished his coffee and enjoyed the very rare tranquility that had fallen over the house.

**************

And so went Little Joe’s week of staying close to the house and working due to his restrictions.  Though he had fussed a bit on the first day, he settled down and finished all the chores that his father had assigned to him.  By the time Thursday rolled around he had almost given up on asking his father about leaving to go over to the Devlin ranch.  Joe reasoned that if he could catch Pa in a good mood he’d try one more time.

Walking outside, Ben noticed his youngest chopping wood just to the right of the porch.  He smiled to see his son hard at work and made his way over to him.

“Joseph,” Ben said, placing a hand on his son’s shoulder.  “You’ve done a very good job around here this week and I’m proud of you.”

Mopping his brow, Joe dropped the axe back on top of the chopping block and grinned over at his father.  “Thanks, Pa.  Any chance of an early release?”

“Sure,” Ben pursed his lips and nodded.  “On Sunday you can leave here and go to church with me.”

Little Joe groaned and shook his head unamused.  “What about today or Friday?”

“One week, remember?” He asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Alright,” Joe relented and lifted the axe back into his hand.

Ben chuckled and patted the boy’s back.  “Now I’ve got to go pay the men up at the mill and then run a few errands in town.   Your brothers probably won’t be getting home tonight until dark.  I need those fence poles loaded into the buckboard today so Fletcher and his crew can set them tomorrow.  They’re up by the creek digging the post holes right now.  After you do that, I need you to finish straightening up the tack room once you’re done chopping this wood for Hop Sing’s stove.  I hope to be back before suppertime.”

“That’s going to take me all day, Pa,” Joe groaned.

Ben chuckled and patted the boy’s arm.  “I realize that, Son.  But it will make you appreciate minding the herd next week when you’ll be free to leave here again.”

Joe just shook his head as he watched his father mount his horse.  He sighed to himself and wondered if those two full shots of rotgut had been worth the week of confinement.

“Now you stay put, Joseph,” Ben called down to the boy.

“Yes, Sir,” he nodded as Pa rode out of the yard.  *** Yeah, like I can go anywhere with all those chores you loaded me up with! *** He thought to himself and then went back to work.

*************

Making decent progress on his list of things that Pa had left for him to do, Little Joe took a break on the porch.  Hop Sing was in Virginia City so he had made his own coffee and slowly sipped it and tried to relax before tackling the rest of his chores.  He was just about ready to get back to work when his friend Mitch Devlin rode into the yard.

“Little Joe!” the young man sang out, smiling as he dismounted at the front hitching post.

“Hi, Mitch,” Joe said and stepped down to greet him.  They shook hands and then walked back to the porch and sat down in the two rocking chairs.  “What’s up with you?”

“I thought you were coming by my place today?  I waited until noon and then headed out here to find out what happened to you.”

Little Joe frowned and drew in a deep breath.  “The other night I got in late and my pa got on me about it, so I’ve been stuck doing chores here all week.”

“Darn – I came here to tell you that Chuck Conway is going to be at the Circle W today to try and break that black stallion that Mister Mathers caught a few weeks back.”

Joe’s face lit up.  Chuck Conway was the most experienced wrangler in the area, and he’d always enjoyed watching the way the man handled the new horses.  And besides that, Little Joe had seen the horse when the owner of the Circle W brought it in and was hoping that the man might just let him have a go at breaking it.

“When’s he doing it?” Little Joe asked, his mind already processing how he could get over to the other ranch to see it.

“Later this afternoon.  He’s coming from Carson City – so Mister Mathers told my pa that it’d be around four or five before he can make it to the Circle W.” Mitch explained.  He could almost hear the wheels in his friend’s head turning, working on how he could make it over to the ranch and back in time.

Nervously biting on his bottom lip, Joe stood from the chair and stared down at his friend.  “I’ve got at least two hours of work before I could go out there, Mitch.  Pa said I had to stay here – but maybe if I could make it to the Circle W and back here before dark, I could beat him and my brothers back home?  Then Pa would be none the wiser.”

Mitch rose from the chair, slapped Little Joe’s back and grinned, “Heck, I’ll help you!  If the two of us work together I bet we’d still have time to get out there.  But what about your pa?  If you leave the ranch what’ll you do if he finds out?”

“He won’t – all’s we have to do is get those chores taken care of first.  It shouldn’t take me more than an hour or so to get back here after we watch Conway have a go at that horse.  I’ve got plenty of time before it gets dark.  Besides everyone’s gone even Hop Sing.  Nobody will even know I left.”

Laughing, Mitch nodded and stepped down off the porch.  “Then let’s get started!”

“Thanks, Mitch,” Little Joe smiled as the two of them walked across the yard to finish all the remaining chores.

*************

***The road to hell is paved with good intentions. *** Little Joe thought to himself as he walked his horse the remaining five miles back to the ranch house that night.   Everything had gone as planned.  He had arrived at the Circle W. with Mitch and had watched the wrangler break the wild black stallion.  All of that had gone smoothly.  When he left Mitch at the cutoff between the Ponderosa and the Devlin ranch both young men were happy that there was still a good hour or so before the sun was going to set.  That meant that Little Joe would have ample time to get home before any of his family members would make it there.  Fortunately, Cochise was a fast horse who could get him back to the ranch house with time to spare.  Not a mile from where he had said goodbye to his friend things had gone drastically awry.  Cochise had begun to limp and when Little Joe hopped down to check on the horse’s front left hoof, he found that she had been hurt.  There was a good-sized cut on her footpad which meant that there would be no riding her.  He loved his horse and wouldn’t have done anything that would have made her hurt worse like riding her all the way home.

“It’s going to be okay, Cooch,” Little Joe cooed to the animal and patted her on the withers.  “You must’ve stepped on a sharp rock or something.  Don’t worry — when we get home Hoss will doctor you and you’ll be as good as new in a couple of days.  I just wish that if you had to get hurt that it hadn’t been today that you came up lame. There’s just no way that the two of us can walk the rest of the way home and get in before dark now.  Let’s go,” he sighed and grabbed the reins pulling the horse behind him.  Slowly Joe walked with his horse the rest of the way back to the ranch house.  “I don’t know what I’m gonna say to Pa.  I guess I’ll just try to tell him the truth – and hope that my getting the chores done before I left will help.  I’ll just explain about wanting to see Chuck break that horse – and maybe Pa won’t be too mad.  He’ll fuss – and maybe add another week to my sentence,” Joe continued to talk things over with his horse to pass the time.  Night had already fallen and if it weren’t for the fact that the road to the house was well worn and that there was a full moon up in the sky, he’d have had trouble seeing his way.  “Who am I kidding?  Pa’s gonna have a pure fit!  As soon as I tell him where I went and why he’s going to start yelling,” Joe frowned when he spied the soft glow from the porch lamp.  “Well, I’ll take care of you first and then go in there and try my best to talk to Pa.  I mean I did break the rules – but at least he’ll let me have my say before he starts in on me,” He sighed and pulled his horse into the barn.  Little Joe was exhausted after putting in a hard day’s work along with the very long walk home.  He removed the saddle and bridle and settled Cochise into her stall.  Joe washed the horse’s hoof off with some water and, content that she was going to be okay once Hoss had a chance to tend her, he poured some fresh oats into the feeding trough.  It was at that moment that he heard someone’s approach.  Looking behind him he noticed his father standing there in the doorway.  Little Joe thought about what he would tell him. He hoped to explain to Pa that he hadn’t left as an act of rebellion.

************

Ben had seen Cochise’s empty stall the minute he had arrived home earlier and settled Buck into the one next to hers.  He couldn’t believe that his youngest would have disobeyed his order to stay put.  Joseph didn’t always follow the rules, that was a well-known fact.  But he rarely flat-out ignored his father’s commands, especially when he was already in trouble for disobeying him about something else.  He had paced the floor in front of the fireplace and, once his other sons had made it in just before dark, it had only fueled his anger at his youngest boy.  Almost two hours after Hoss and Adam had gotten home, he looked out of the window behind his desk and witnessed Joseph pulling his horse into the barn.

Little Joe watched as his father approached and tried to decide what he should say to him by way of an explanation.  It wouldn’t have mattered.  Before he could offer up one solitary word, Pa had already removed his belt and spun him around by his arm.  Joe couldn’t believe that his father wouldn’t, at the very least, let him explain to him why he had left.  Although he knew that what he had done had been the wrong thing to do, in the past Pa had always let him have his say before being punished.  That night had proven to be an exception to his father’s former behavior.  When it was all said and done, Little Joe had received ten strong claps from his father’s belt to his backside before Pa had finally relented and stopped.

“Get in the house and go up to your room,” Ben ordered in a low controlled tone of voice and threaded his belt back onto his trousers.

Standing there stunned, Little Joe didn’t say a word.  He simply hurried out of the barn, never looking back.

************

Little Joe entered the house before his father and quickly advanced to the staircase.  Both Adam and Hoss watched as the boy paused before going up.  They knew that something must have happened between their brother and father by the expression on Joe’s face.  He looked as though he was trying very hard not to break down.

“Hoss,” Joe choked out as he held onto the railing, fighting for control of his emotions so he wouldn’t break down in tears there in front of his brothers.  “Will you look at Cochise for me?  She’s got a cut on her front left hoof,” he asked, never looking over at either brother.

Hoss shared a worried glance with Adam and replied, “Sure I will, Little Brother.”

“Thanks,” Little Joe answered just as Pa walked inside the house.  He hurried up the stairs without uttering another word.

Ben cast a quick glance towards the stairs and witnessed the boy’s fast retreat up to his room and then walked over to his study.  He poured some brandy into a glass and then sat down at his desk.  Both Adam and Hoss stood next to the fireplace wondering if they should ask any questions or give their father time to settle down first.

“Think I’ll go out to the barn for a little while,” Hoss announced and walked outside.

Adam hesitated for a minute before walking over to his father’s study.  He didn’t know if he would want to talk or if he’d rather be left alone with his thoughts for a while.

“Pa?  Anything I can do?” He offered as he stood opposite the man.

Ben shook his head but didn’t respond verbally.

“I think I’ll go out with Hoss for a little bit,” Adam said and, knowing that his father needed some time to digest what had happened between him and Joe, left the house.

An uneasy stillness fell over the ranch house.  With two of his boys outside and one upstairs in his room, Ben struggled to make some kind of sense of everything that had happened.  Drawing in a deep breath, he held it in for a minute as he fought his emotions.  He finally let it out and thought about what had happened in the barn.  Closing his eyes he reflected on the way that he had reacted to Little Joe’s act of disobedience.  Ben knew that he hadn’t given the boy the chance to explain himself, even though most likely there wasn’t one good reason why Joseph had left the house against his orders.  Opening his eyes again, he stared at his drink as he held it up to eye level.  He absently rolled the brandy around in the glass.  For some reason he was filled with such a heavy feeling of sorrow deep in his heart.  Not that he ever felt good about punishing any of his sons, especially when he had to use his belt, but this time just felt different to him.  *** Just like him. *** He frowned as he thought to himself, finally downing the brandy in one quick swallow.  *** I did exactly what he would have done.  Now what do I do? *** Ben wondered as his gaze tracked up to the top of the stairs.  He knew that Joseph would be lying up there in his room upset over what had transpired in the barn.  He hadn’t asked the boy why he had gone against his orders.  He hadn’t done anything but react to Little Joe’s disobedience.  Ben felt a deep sickness in the pit of his stomach and, for the life of him, he didn’t know what to do about it.  He had hurt his son and regardless of whether Little Joe had deserved it or not, Ben felt terrible about what he had done.

************

Adam and Hoss had stayed out in the barn for better than an hour before coming back into the house.  They noticed that Pa was still sitting there at his desk and walked over to him.

“Pa?” Hoss began as he approached his father.

“Yes, Hoss?”

“Did Little Joe tell you that Cochise has a cut on her hoof?”

Ben coughed into his fist to remove the latent emotion in his throat.  “No – he didn’t,” He answered.  ***I never gave the boy a chance to tell me. *** He thought to himself as he stared up at his middle boy.  “How bad is it?”

“It’s not too bad.  I made a poultice and put it on her for a while.  As long as Little Joe don’t ride her for a few days, I expect she’ll be okay.”

“Thank you for tending to her, Son,” Ben nodded over to him.

“Hey, why don’t I fix us some coffee?” Adam offered, still attempting to open the door of communication in case his father needed to talk.

Ben stood from the desk and stared back and forth at his sons.  He could see that they were trying to make him feel better but that wasn’t going to happen.  He couldn’t shake off the mood he was in that night.

“No thank you, Adam.  I’m kind of tired.  Think I’ll turn in.”

“Pa?  Do you want to talk about it?” Hoss finally asked.  “We can tell that you’re upset.  Did Little Joe tell you why he left?”

Frowning, Ben tried to come up with something to say but the words wouldn’t come.  He didn’t know how to put into words why he hadn’t given the boy the chance to explain his actions that day.

“Let’s just talk about that some other time, Boys.  Goodnight,” He answered and walked to the staircase without another word said.

Adam and Hoss exchanged a worried glance.

“Never remember Pa not wanting to talk over his troubles before,” Hoss commented.

Adam patted his brother’s shoulder and replied, “Well, you know how much he hates to punish our brother – so he’s taking it a bit hard this time.  Things will work out, Hoss, don’t worry.”

“I don’t know if I ought to go tell Little Joe that Cochise will be alright or not.”

“It’ll keep until tomorrow.  You can tell the kid at breakfast.  Little Joe probably doesn’t want to talk right now any more than Pa does.”

Hoss nodded, “Guess you’re right.”

************

Little Joe washed his face for the third time trying to erase the tears which had left his eyes the minute he was alone in his room.  He didn’t know which hurt worse, the tanning he’d gotten or the fact that Pa wouldn’t let him explain before he had punished him.  That had never happened before.  At the very least his father always let him have his say even if it didn’t change the outcome of what would happen next.  Joe couldn’t understand why he hadn’t done that this time.  Yes, Little Joe knew he’d been in the wrong.  It didn’t matter that he had gotten his chores done, he still shouldn’t have left.  Pa had been very clear about that prior to leaving that morning.  Joe misjudged his timing, thinking that he’d have plenty of it to go over to the Circle W and back and no-one would be the wiser.  Cochise pulling up lame had thrown a wrench into that plan.  Drying his face, Joe presumed that his father would be making an appearance soon to talk to him as he usually did after he had punished him.  Little Joe wasn’t looking forward to that either.  He decided he’d finish washing off and put on a nightshirt so it would be done before his father made his way up to his room.  An hour after he’d gotten washed and changed Joe wondered what was keeping Pa.  He didn’t want to go and see if something was going on downstairs.  Joe figured that Pa was probably telling his brothers about what had happened in the barn though it wouldn’t have been hard to guess.  He’d seen both Adam and Hoss look over at him when he was crossing the living room.  They surely figured out what Pa had done to him if they’d seen the look on his face.  Spreading out on his bed, Little Joe simply waited.  Another hour passed by and Pa had yet to come up.  The whole night things hadn’t played out like he had thought it would.  Pa hadn’t let him have his say before punishing him and he never showed up in his room to talk things out.  Giving up on that happening, Little Joe slipped under his sheet and comforter and turned the wick of his lamp down low.  It was time to go to sleep and put an end to the awful day he’d had.

Unbeknownst to Little Joe, Pa had made it to his bedroom but had never opened the door.  He simply stood out in the hall and stared over at the boy’s door.  Ben wanted to go in and talk to his son, but he wasn’t sure what he should say.  He didn’t want to send mixed signals to the boy, and he felt like that would be what would happen if he walked inside at that point.  Ben was angry that Joseph had disobeyed him, and for that reason he had been punished.  However, he was angry with himself as well.  He was consumed with guilt for not letting Little Joe explain why he had left and how his horse had been injured.  Ben felt awful that he had hit his son without talking to him and that feeling wasn’t going to go away overnight.  Drawing in a deep and painful breath, Ben turned and walked across the hall to his bedroom.  He hoped that he would be able to sleep.

************

Little Joe was the last one to make it to the dining table that morning.  That wasn’t uncommon but the silence which had fallen over the room was.  He sat down and tried not to show the pain that it had caused when his backside hit the hard wooden chair.

“Morning,” he said sullenly.

“Morning, Little Brother,” Hoss was the first one to answer.

“Morning, Kid,” Adam joined in and cast a quick glance to the head of the table where his father sat.

“Good morning,” Ben said in reply, though he never looked over at his youngest.

Little Joe stared down at his plate and decided that he’d better at least attempt to eat.  He put some eggs and toast on his plate but didn’t take more than one bite of each.  He kept waiting for Pa to speak up but he hadn’t uttered another word after saying good morning.

Noticing the awkward silence, Hoss piped up, “Little Brother, Cochise is gonna be okay.  I put a poultice on that hoof, and I’ll check on her before I leave to go tend those ornery cows.”

“Thanks, Hoss,” Joe nodded over to his brother, glad that someone was speaking to him at the time.  “It’s not very bad then?”

“No – must be a cut from an old rock – but it’s not that deep,” Hoss replied still wondering why his father wasn’t saying a word.

“Is Fletcher coming to get those fence posts today, Pa?” Adam asked, hoping that it would open the conversation up some.

Ben glanced back and forth between Adam and Hoss and then looked at Little Joe.  “Yes, he’s a bit short handed.  Joseph, I want you to go with him today.  He’ll take you in the buckboard.  As soon as you’re done with breakfast go on out and wait for him.”

“Yes, Sir,” He answered and put his napkin on the table and stood.  He turned for the front door without saying anything further.  Pa had acted so indifferent to him that it was only making him feel worse than he already did.  He thought that his father would want to speak to him about what had happened the previous day but obviously he didn’t.  Now Little Joe felt like Pa just wanted to be rid of him.  He walked outside and waited for the foreman to come.

“I guess you’re still mad at the kid, huh?” Adam asked as he finished his coffee and stared at his father.

“I’m not mad.  I just gave him something to do,” Ben responded succinctly, not wanting to get into all that had transpired the previous day.

Choosing his words carefully, Hoss continued where his brother had stopped, “Pa, you didn’t go up to Little Joe’s room last night to talk to him, did you?”

Ben shook his head and sighed.  He was at a loss to explain his behavior towards the boy.  He noticed both of his sons staring at him and knew that he had to say something in response.  “No, I didn’t.  Boys, I don’t want to get into what happened with your little brother.  Just let me handle it the best way I know how.  Now, don’t you both need to get out with the herd?  The calf count is due in the next couple of days.”

Adam and Hoss stood and looked at their father.  They realized that he was letting them know that talking about Little Joe’s punishment was off the table for the time being and neither man wanted to rile their father.

“We’re heading out now, Pa,” Adam announced and walked over to him.  “Everything will be okay, you’ll see,” he said and patted his father’s back before turning to leave.

“See you in time for supper, Pa,” Hoss smiled over at his father and turned out of the room with his brother.

Once he was alone at the table, Ben dropped his head down into his hands and sighed.  He didn’t remember when he had felt so troubled before.  He thought about the way his youngest had looked that morning when he watched the boy coming down the stairs.  Ben had wanted to reach for his left arm the minute that he had taken a seat there next to him.  But he hadn’t done that.  He couldn’t do that.  For some reason which was unknown to him he felt like he needed to distance himself from Joseph.  Perhaps it was his own misgivings for the way he had acted the night before, Ben wasn’t sure.  Regardless there was an awkward uneasiness that he just couldn’t shake when it came to his youngest son now.  And he didn’t know how to get it to go away.  *** Oh, Joseph.  Why didn’t I talk to you before punishing you last night?  Why now?  I’m turning into him.  I can feel it — and I’m going to have to do whatever I can to prevent that from happening.  Even if that means keeping you at arm’s length from me. *** He thought to himself as he stood from the table.

************

Fletcher stared over at the boy who was leaning against the buckboard.  He had watched Little Joe most of the morning and could tell that the boy had a world of troubles on his shoulders.  The kid had worked hard and pulled his own weight as they worked on the fencing for hours.  When he had told both Joe and Cody to take a break for lunch, he noticed that the boy hadn’t eaten a thing, though Hop Sing had sent plenty with the buckboard.  Shaking his head bewildered, he then nodded over to Cody.   The other man had read the look on Fletcher’s face and knew that he needed a minute alone with Little Joe.  Fletcher walked over to the buckboard to find out what was going on with the kid.

“What’s the matter, Little Joe?  You ain’t eaten one thing from that basket that old Hop Sing packed up for the three of us,” he said and took a seat in the bed of the wagon.

“Guess I’m not very hungry, Fletcher,” Joe responded quietly.  Even though he had missed supper the previous night and had only eaten one mouthful of eggs and toast, he couldn’t bring himself to eat.

“I just can’t believe that you and Hoss are brothers!  My that boy can eat!” Fletcher quipped, hoping to pull the boy out of his shell.

Little Joe looked down at the ground and replied, “He’s bigger so he’s got to eat more.”

Fletcher reached over and patted the boy’s arm and said, “You ever think that he’s bigger than you because you don’t eat half the time, Boy?”

Not offering a verbal reply, Joe just shrugged his shoulders.

“Little Joe, I don’t like to see you so down in the gills.  It takes away all the fun I have yelling at you!  Now – you want to tell me what’s going on?  I might not be able to solve your problem but sometimes a man’s just got to get things out of his gut.”

“Fletcher, I appreciate your offer – but it’s just something I’ve got to work out on my own.”

Reaching his hand out, the man touched the boy’s chin and redirected his gaze.  “You got into it with your pa, didn’t you?”

“I guess you can say that,” Little Joe nodded.

“You guess?  Either you did or you didn’t – so which was it?”

Frowning, Little Joe answered, “I can’t say I got into it with him – because he didn’t talk to me.  He just punished me and that was it.  No discussion – not last night and not today.  All my father said was for me to come out here with you.”

Mulling over what the boy had just offered, Fletcher scrubbed at his chin.  “So, your pa is giving you the cold shoulder, huh?”

Little Joe simply nodded.

“Well – what did you do to get him mad at you?” he asked a look of suspicion in his eyes.  He knew the youngest Cartwright boy had gotten himself into quite a few fixes over the years.

“I didn’t listen to him.  I wasn’t supposed to leave the yard, and I ran off to go watch Chuck Conway break that black stallion that Mister Mathers caught two weeks ago.”

Fletcher drew in a deep breath and considered what the boy had told him.  “Yeah, I heard that old Chuck gave that stallion a real work out yesterday.  Did you tell your pa that you just wanted to see him break that horse?”

Little Joe shook his head, and his face took on a stricken appearance.  “I told you he didn’t want to talk to me.  Pa just hit me and sent me to my room last night.”

“That don’t rightly sound like old Ben,” Fletcher admitted.  He could tell that the boy wasn’t lying to him, but he found it hard to believe that his boss hadn’t bothered to talk to his youngest son.  He knew for a fact that Ben Cartwright doted on the boy.  He patted Little Joe on the shoulder and continued, “Maybe he’s got some other worries on him right now, Joe.  You know sometimes a man gets so caught up in his problems that he can get riled up with little provocation.  I just bet you that your pa will talk to you tonight.  He probably just had a burr under his saddle last night.”

Staring into the foreman’s eyes he wanted to believe what he had said.  Fletcher was usually very boisterous and rough around the edges.  It surprised him that he showed so much concern over his problems.  “Hey — thanks for talking to me, Fletcher.”

“You lopped eared stump brain ornery pampered cuss,” He began to hurl his normal insults but stopped for just a second and winked over at Little Joe before finishing his spiel.  “If you don’t get your lazy self over to those fence posts and get to work, I’m gonna take this here hammer and wrap it around your neck – twice!”

Little Joe rewarded the man for his kindness with a big smile.  It was the first time he had forgotten his problems for such a long while that it felt good.  “Yes, Sir,” Little Joe answered and walked over to the fence posts, lifting two up in his arms and carrying them over to Cody.

*** I think I’m going soft in my old age. Stupid little cuss and his problems.  What am I – a nurse maid for wayward boys?  Old Ben better start acting right towards that kid or boss or no boss I’ll wrap a hammer around his neck too! *** Fletcher grinned to himself and then walked over to help Little Joe and Cody with the fencing.

************

Adam and Hoss had just stabled their horses when the buckboard pulled up in the yard. They walked over to greet Fletcher and their brother.

“Hey, you two get all that nasty fencing done?” Hoss smiled as he approached the wagon.

Fletcher eyed both Cartwright brothers and replied, “Of course we did – ain’t that what we set out to do today?”

Adam laughed and nodded at the foreman.  “We figured that you would, Fletcher.  Want to come inside and have some coffee?”

“Thanks, but I’ve got something stronger in mind.  Gonna go clean up and head on into town.”  He stared over at Little Joe and noticed how he had lingered as if he didn’t want to go into the house.  “I’ll see you boys.  Little Joe, you did a good job for such a lazy spoiled kid.”

Looking over at the foreman and seeing the smile on his face, Joe nodded.  “Thanks.”

“I’m gonna be fixing those two weathered gates at the main breaking corral tomorrow.  Maybe you want to come help?”

“If Pa says so,” Little Joe answered.

“Well, I’ll check with you in the morning.  Night, Boys,” Fletcher nodded and turned the wagon to the far side of the barn to unhitch the team of horses.

Hoss slung an arm around his little brother’s shoulder and said, “Let’s go inside.  Hopefully Hop Sing will have dinner ready soon.  Bet you’re hungry after working on fences all day.”

“Guess I am,” Little Joe replied and walked into the house alongside his two brothers.

************

Ben was on the staircase heading down to the living room when he saw the front door open and his three sons walking inside.  He drew in a deep breath still unsure as to how he was going to handle the situation with his youngest boy.

“You boys all have a good day?” he asked making it down into the living room.

“Yes, Sir – we got a good start on that calf count.  Should be able to finish tomorrow, Pa,” Hoss offered as he sat down on the settee.

Adam watched his youngest brother as he just stood there next to the credenza.  It looked as though he was seeking permission to speak to their father at the time.

“Fletcher said that Little Joe put in a hard day,” Adam smiled and joined the other men around the fireplace.

“Good,” Ben replied and shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

“I guess I’ll go get cleaned up,” Little Joe muttered and walked to the staircase.  He had felt his father’s uneasiness and the way that he hadn’t offered anything more than that one-word response to Adam’s praise.

Hoss watched his brother walk to his room and turned to say something to his father once he’d heard the bedroom door closing.  “Pa?  You still mad at Little Joe?”

“I’m not mad, Hoss,” he insisted.

“You didn’t hardly say anything to him when the three of us came in a minute ago.”

“There wasn’t much that I could say,” Ben sighed.  He couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling he had about what had happened the night before.  He couldn’t risk making things worse with the boy either, so he had chosen to draw back from him.

“The kid left the ranch like he wasn’t supposed to and he came back late,” Adam interjected.  “You punished him – so why does it seem like you’re still on the outs with the kid, Pa?”

Standing from his chair, Ben replied, “I’m not on the “outs” with him.  Now I’ve got some work at my desk that I need to attend to before supper.  Hop Sing said it’ll be ready in about an hour.”

Hoss and Adam watched as their father crossed the living room and took a seat behind his desk.  They exchanged a confused glance wondering what was going on between Pa and the boy he most often doted on and never ignored.

************

To say that Little Joe had been uncomfortable sitting just to the right of his father at the dinner table that night would have been an understatement.  The conversation had been a bit sparce and he watched his two brothers looking back and forth between them quite a few times.   Joe felt like his pa was doing everything that he could not to look at him or even acknowledge his presence.  It was all that he could do to just sit there and try to get his supper down.

It had taken all the willpower that he possessed to pipe up and say something to his father, but he finally did.  Just as soon as Hop Sing had come in to clear the dishes from the table, he knew that he had to try to ask his father about the plans for the next day.

“Fletcher asked if I could help him make the repairs on those two gates at the breaking corral tomorrow.”

Not looking at the boy, Ben replied, “That’s fine.”

Little Joe watched as Pa stood from his chair and walked around the table.  He had patted Hoss’ shoulder as he made his way into the living room.  Earlier, right before they had sat down for supper, Little Joe noticed his father slinging his arm around Adam as they had walked over to the dining table.  It only made him feel worse.  As far as he was concerned Pa was ignoring him and treating him differently from his brothers.  That fact hurt more than his punishment out in the barn had.

“I guess I’ll go to bed.  Goodnight,” Little Joe announced as he stood at the bottom of the stairs, his face turned away from the three men now sitting in the living room.

“Goodnight, Kid,” Adam returned, shooting a glance towards his father.

“Rest up, Short Shanks,” Hoss joined in.

Little Joe waited for a few seconds to see if Pa would say anything.

“Goodnight,” Ben returned quietly.

Joe hurried up to his room.  He knew that his father would’ve said something else to him if things had been straightened out between the two of them.  At the very least he would have gotten a “goodnight son” out of him.  He couldn’t believe that Pa was carrying on the way that he was.  Yes, he knew that he shouldn’t have left the ranch or come home after dark.  Joe knew that he had out and out disobeyed his father.  But he had done far worse in the past, and Pa hadn’t acted like he was doing now.  Little Joe didn’t bother changing into a nightshirt.  He just spread out on his bed and willed himself to fall to sleep.

*************

*** The room was dark with only the light from one kerosene lamp sitting on the table in the far corner.  It cast the shadow of the man onto the wall which made him appear larger than life.  He watched as the figure walked away from him not bothering to answer his question.  “But Father –” He began but was cut off right away.  “I’ll not say it again.  I do not want to hear another word!”  “But Father – if you’ll just listen,” Again he was cut off.  “I’ve warned you never to argue with me. When I say I don’t want to hear another word I mean it, Benjamin!” The man shouted.  It was then that he spotted the razor strap. ***

Ben lurched forward in his bed, his heart beating rapidly and sweat pouring down from his forehead.  He had to remind himself where he was at the time.  Ben eyed the lamp there on his nightstand, its flame turned down low.  He reached for the wick knob and raised it up higher.  Swinging his legs off to the side of his bed, Ben debated if he should go downstairs to get something to drink. The dream had left him anxious and his heart feeling a particular kind of dread that he hadn’t experienced for more years than he could remember.

***Why now?  Why did I dream about him after all these years? *** Ben wondered as he stood from the bed and reached for his robe.  He pulled it on and glanced over at the mantle clock.  It was two a.m. and Ben was in his own room. He was there in his house; the house that he had carved out of the wilderness.  There were three young men sleeping in their rooms, and they were his sons.  Ben was a father and hadn’t been in the role of a son for many years.  He shook his head, still confused by what he had seen in his nightmare.  ***I’m far away from all that I left behind so many years ago.  But I heard his voice – my father’s voice. *** He sighed and walked to the door, finally pulling it open.  Ben stepped into the hallway and stared over at the room across from his.  ***Oh, Joseph – that’s why I dreamt what I did.  You’re his namesake – and after what just happened between us – it all makes sense.  I acted exactly like he would have. *** Ben shook his head sadly.  He wished that he could go inside the bedroom and wake Little Joe and apologize for his actions.  But he couldn’t.  Ben closed his eyes and fought back the sorrow that just wouldn’t let go.  He had heard his father’s voice, and it was a painful reminder of why he had left home so many years ago.  ***It’s not going to happen to the two of us. *** he vowed and walked to the staircase.  Ben needed some air.

************

The next morning had been a replay of the previous one with little conversation around the table and an uneasiness in the air which everyone could feel.  Adam and Hoss left right after they’d eaten to finish the calf count, and Little Joe had gone out to work with Fletcher without any fanfare.  That just left Ben alone with his thoughts as he attempted to work on his ledgers.  He tried to push all thoughts of his nightmare out of his mind along with the way that Joseph had looked when he had left that morning.  There had only been a solemn “good morning” that had been exchanged between his youngest and him and that was the extent of their interaction with each other.  Ben hated that.  But he couldn’t help how he was feeling at the time.  Joseph was now a stark reminder to him of his youth and his feelings towards his own father.  He needed to keep the boy away from him for fear that there would be another situation like what had happened in the barn two nights prior.  Ben drew in a deep breath and dabbed the end of the pen in the inkwell on his desk.  He had to concentrate on the books, at least they made sense to him.

*************

“No, Fletcher, you were wrong,” Little Joe announced as he picked up the tools and put them inside of the buckboard.  The foreman and he had worked hard that day and they were just getting ready to head back to the ranch house.

Fletcher shook his head getting a bit agitated over what the boy had told him.  “You’re telling me that your pa still hasn’t cracked and spoke to you about what happened the other day?” He asked incredulously.

“No – other than a goodnight or good morning Pa hasn’t said one word to me,” Little Joe nodded and stepped up into the wagon.

Fletcher climbed up alongside the boy and frowned.  “Little Joe – now tell me the truth.  You sure you didn’t do something other than leaving the ranch when you wasn’t supposed to and coming home late?”

“No, Sir – that’s all that I did.  I know that it was wrong – and I probably deserved what I got out there in the barn.  But the way Pa’s been acting you’d think I’d set the house on fire.”

Sending the team of horses forward with a quick slap of the reins, the man thought on all that Joe had conveyed.  “It’s just hard to believe, Little Joe.  Your pa’s always been a fair man.  We ain’t always seen eye to eye, you know?  But he’s always been willing to talk out any problems with me.”

“I know.  I just don’t understand what’s going on.”

Fletcher dropped a hand onto the boy’s shoulder.  He could see the pure misery that was all over Joe’s face at the time.  “Okay, you’re just going to have to take the tiger by the tail then.  You just wait until old Ben has his dinner and then ask to talk to him.  Tell your brothers to get lost.  Then you tell your pa what’s on your mind.”

Little Joe looked apprehensively at the other man and replied, “What if Pa won’t talk to me?”

“He’ll talk, Little Joe.  Maybe he’s just been waiting for you to pipe up?  Once you break the ice a bit, I’m sure you two can get it all ironed out,” Fletcher insisted.

Shrugging his shoulders helplessly, Joe said, “Okay, I guess I can try.”

Fletcher patted the boy’s knee and replied, “It’ll work out.  Like as not when you head out to fix those fences with me tomorrow, you’ll be thanking me for all my advice!”

“I hope so,” Little Joe nodded and watched as the buckboard pulled up into the yard.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Joe.  And most likely you’ll have a big smile on your face.  I’d like that – – then I can start yelling at you again!” Fletcher grinned as he watched the boy jump down from the buckboard.

“Thanks,” Little Joe nodded to the man.

“Don’t go getting all mushy on me – you dad gum worthless mule headed varmint,” He laughed and slapped the reins to move the wagon over to the corral.

*************

That evening Little Joe patiently bided his time.  He sat quietly during supper only talking with his brothers if they asked him a question.  Pa had remained subdued and only offered a few statements about the workday.  Joe watched as one by one both of his brothers bid their father and him goodnight and retired for the evening not long after they had eaten.  That left him alone with Pa.  Sitting on the settee, Little Joe watched as his father sat in the red leather chair next to the fireplace reading a book.  Pa hadn’t said a word to him for the entire hour that had passed since Hoss and Adam had gone up to their rooms.  Little Joe’s mouth felt as though it was filled with cotton wadding it was so dry as he readied to say something to his father.  He had never felt so nervous to be alone with the man before.  It made him wonder what had happened to the compassion that Pa had always freely offered him.

“Pa?” Joe called over after finally getting up the nerve to say something.

Ben set the book down in his lap and cast an uneasy glance over at the boy.  “Yes?”

Pulling himself off the settee and moving over to the fireplace he stood opposite his father and fought to get the words out.  “I — well I was wondering if we could talk?  I mean – you’ve hardly said anything to me for days.”

***Oh, Joseph what can I say to you?  I just don’t have the words – to explain why I did what I did the other night. *** Ben thought as he redirected his gaze back down to his book.

A few awkward minutes later, Ben stood from his chair and looked across the room at the grandfather clock.  “It’s late – I think you should go to bed, Joseph.”

“But Pa – I just thought that –” Joe was cut off in midsentence by his father.

“It’s late,” Ben reiterated and dropped his book down on top of the coffee table.  “I’m going to turn in now and I suggest you do as well.”

Little Joe examined the expression on his father’s face.  He couldn’t determine if he was witnessing anger or annoyance, but either way it was very apparent that Pa had no desire to talk with him.  Wishing that he had never attempted to speak with his father, Little Joe turned and, without saying another word, hurried up the stairs.  He didn’t want Pa to see the tears in his eyes because he believed that the man wouldn’t have cared anyway.

***I’m so sorry, Son.  But I can’t risk getting close to you only to hurt you more in the long run. *** Ben fought back his own tears after watching the boy rushing away from him.

************

“You going to work with Fletcher again today, Little Brother?” Hoss asked as he passed the boy over some toast.

Little Joe looked even more glum than he had the previous couple of days as he mindlessly drew the toast from the platter and tossed it on his plate.  “I guess.”

“Hey, Pa – we could use Little Joe to help with the branding,” Adam suggested.

Ben set down his coffee cup as he shot a quick glance around the table.  “No, Fletcher will be expecting your brother to help him today.”

Little Joe simply threw his napkin down onto his plate and stood from the table.  Without another word he walked to the door, grabbed his jacket and left.

“Pa – this thing with you and Little Joe – well the boy’s having a tough time of it,” Hoss returned quietly.  “How long are you going to give him the silent treatment?”

Ben frowned and thought about what he could say in response.  He finally answered, “Hoss, I’ve told you and Adam that I would handle the situation and that’s what I’m doing.”

Adam shook his head and said, “Pa – is there something else bothering you?  Because you’re always the first person to forgive that kid – and Lord knows in the past he’s done worse than what he did the other day.  So, what is it?”

“It’s just something that the two of us have to work out ourselves,” Ben explained.  “Now, it’s about time that the two of you head out, isn’t it?”

Hoss exchanged a confused glance with his brother and they both stood from the table.

“We’ll see you later, Pa,” Hoss said quietly and walked out of the room with his brother.

************

“So, you’re telling me that your pa didn’t say anything?” Fletcher asked the forlorn young man sitting on the ground leaning against a tree.

“Yeah,” Little Joe nodded.  “I just can’t talk about this stuff anymore.  I guess I know how my father feels about me now.  He couldn’t care less.”

Fletcher kneeled alongside the boy and dropped a commiserative hand onto his shoulder.  “How about I go and talk to Ben for you?”

Joe shook his head adamantly.  “No!  Please, Fletcher, don’t do that.  He’d probably get mad at me, and things are bad enough now.  I’ll just have to wait Pa out, I guess.  Either he’ll eventually start talking to me or –” Joe trailed off.  He had an idea what he might do if his father continued to ignore him, but he wasn’t going to say.

The foreman studied the boy’s face and replied, “Little Joe – it ain’t gonna matter if he gets mad since he ain’t talking to you anyway, right?”

“Please?”

Sighing to himself, Fletcher finally nodded over at Joe.  “Okay, but when I get back from the timber camp next week if things aren’t any better between the two of you, I’m going to have it out with your pa.  You understand?”

“Okay,” Little Joe agreed and stood to pack up the tools that they had use to make the fence repairs.  “We’d better be heading back.”

“Come on, you ornery little varmint,” Fletcher said and slung an arm across Little Joe’s shoulder.  He felt sorry for the kid and wished that he could do something to help him.  The two of them made it back to the buckboard and headed to the ranch house.

*************

Little Joe jumped out of the buckboard and waved goodbye to Fletcher who was taking the wagon to the timber camp where he’d be working for the next week.  He turned to see both Mac Devlin and his son Mitch coming out of the house along with his father.

“Hey, Little Joe!” Mitch called out as he moved closer to his friend.

“Hi, Mitch,” Joe nodded to his friend, avoiding his father standing next to Mac.

“We just stopped by to see if you wanted to go into town with us.  There’s a carnival that’s just started up.”

“Thanks – but I’m kind of tired,” he replied.  He didn’t feel like asking his father’s permission nor was he up to trying to have a good time.

“You sure, Little Joe?” Mitch asked, surprised that his friend wouldn’t want to see the carnival and have a night in town.  “Your pa said you could go – I asked him.”

Looking away from his friend, he answered.  “I put in a long day and just don’t feel like it.  You go on and have a good time.”

“Okay, Joe – maybe next time,” Mitch nodded as his father moved closer.

“We best get going,” Mac said and threw his arm across his son’s shoulder, pulling him close.  “I promised this one a good time since he’s done such a great job at the ranch this week.”

Little Joe stared at both father and son and their open display of affection.  It was the last thing he needed to see at the time.  “I’ll see you, Mitch,” Joe said and quickly passed by his father and hurried into the house.

Ben’s gaze followed his son as he left.  He could almost feel the pain that the boy was carrying as he had walked past him.

“We’ll see you in church, Ben,” Mac said as he and his son mounted their horses.

“Have a good time,” Ben waved to them as they left the yard.  Sadly, he walked inside the house.

*************

“Little Brother?” Hoss sang out as he opened the door to his brother’s bedroom and walked inside.  “Want to talk?”

Pulling himself up on his bed, Little Joe looked over at Hoss and replied, “Not especially, Hoss.  I’m kind of tired — it was a long day.”

Taking a seat across from his brother, Hoss stared over at the boy.  “You barely said a word at supper.  Come on – maybe if you’d talk about it -it might help?”

“Nothing to say.  I know both you and Adam can see how it is between Pa and me.  It’s been like that all week and it’s not getting any better.”

“Have you tried to talk to him, Joe?”

Nodding, Joe returned, “Sure I have – only to have him tell me to go to bed.  All I did was leave the ranch and come home late.  Okay —I was wrong for doing it.  And I’m not complaining about Pa tanning me because of it.  But he wouldn’t let me tell him why I did it – or why I got home so late.”

Hoss frowned and nodded, “I figured that was what happened.  Pa’s been really closed-mouthed about it.  So, he wouldn’t let you tell him anything that night?”

Little Joe shook his head in dismay, “No – nothing.  He just walked inside the barn and grabbed me by the elbow to spin me around.  The next thing I knew Pa was using his belt on me.  That was it.  And when I tried to talk to him last night, he just shut me out like I don’t even matter to him anymore.”

“Well, Little Brother, that’s one thing that I know ain’t true.  I know for a fact that our pa loves you more than anything.  He might still be upset about you disobeying him – but I promise you that he loves you – no matter what you’ve done.”

“He’s not come near me this whole week, Hoss.  I’ve watched the way that he’s thrown an arm around both you and Adam and patted your backs lots of times.  Pa always shows the two of you that he cares about you.  But he keeps his distance from me and pretends like I don’t exist.”

“I can try to talk to him for you?” Hoss offered, feeling bad for his brother.

“No – that’s not going to do anything.  If this keeps up, I’m just going to,” Joe paused not wanting to reveal the plan he was already formulating in his head.  He changed the subject.  “I think I’m just going to go to sleep.  Thanks for caring, Hoss.”

Sighing, Hoss stood and patted his brother on the shoulder.  “We all care about you – including Pa.  It’ll get better, Little Brother – just give it a couple more days.”

“Sure,” Joe frowned and watched Hoss move to the door.

“See you in the morning,” he called across the room and stepped out into the hallway.

“Yeah, see you in the morning,” Joe muttered and leaned back on his bed.

*************

No matter how hard he tried, Little Joe couldn’t fall to sleep that night.  He had heard the doors being closed to both Adam and Hoss’ bedrooms.  Joe walked out into the hall and stared over at his father’s room.  The door was open and that meant that Pa was still downstairs.  He decided to confront him once more.

Descending the stairs, Little Joe stopped at the first landing and looked over at the fireplace.  Pa just stood there staring into the flames.  He made his way over to him and waited for his father to acknowledge his presence.  It had taken a couple of minutes but finally he watched as Pa turned and looked directly at him.

“I thought you went to bed,” Ben began, still feeling very uncomfortable around the boy due to his own feelings of guilt.

“No – I want to talk to you,” he answered, almost choking on his words due to his apprehension.  Little Joe still found it hard to believe that he was having such a hard time trying to talk to his father.  The two of them had always been so close that he just couldn’t understand why Pa wouldn’t want to get things straightened out between them.

“Joseph – I’m getting ready to go to bed.  So why don’t you go back up to your room.”

“Tell me what I did that was so God awful that you won’t even talk to me!” He insisted, raising his voice.

“Quiet down.”

“Not until you tell me why you keep pushing me away!” Joe continued, growing louder.

“Joseph, I just told you to keep your voice down.  Now stop it,” Ben returned sternly.

“And if I don’t?  What are you going to do, Pa?  You going to hit me?  Fine!  Then do it – and I’ll take it.  At least it would show me that you know that I’m here in front of you!  Anything is better than you constantly pushing me away.”

“Joseph, I said go to bed.”

“Sure, Pa,” Joe paused and this time his voice broke.  He couldn’t hold back his sadness over his father’s indifference.  His eyelids had what looked like a slow fade and his top lip quivered due to his heartbreak over his father’s aloofness.  Little Joe needed some kind of assurance that the man before him didn’t hate him.  But that hadn’t come.  “It doesn’t really matter if I’m standing here next to you or if I’m up in my room.  You don’t see me anymore because you don’t want to.”

Ben turned away from his son and squeezed his eyelids shut tightly to prevent the appearance of tears.  Hearing the depth of sadness in his son’s voice stabbed at his heart worse than a knife would have.  ***I do see you, Son! And despite what you’re thinking – I still love you.  But I won’t risk hurting you again.  If I get too close to you it will only make matters worse.  I can’t trust myself anymore.  I’m just like him.  And you’ll grow to hate me and then you’ll want to leave – just like I did. *** Ben’s thoughts pounded in his head.  When he opened his eyes again Joseph was gone.  He heard the door to the boy’s bedroom shut.  Ben fell into the blue winged back chair and dropped his head down into his hands.

************

*** I said come here! The shout reverberated in his ears as he looked at the man across the room who had an incensed look on his face.  No, Father, I’m leaving.  You put that duffle down this instant, Benjamin!  I’ll not have you walk out of this house.  You did this, Father.  You’re the one who has pushed me away.  I’ll lay a strap to you if you don’t drop that bag right now!  No more, Father.  No more razor straps and no more threats.  I’m going to sea where a man can breathe.  I’ll find much more comfort in the solitude of the ocean than I ever found here with you.  Benjamin, put that down and come here right now!  Goodbye, Father. *** Ben sprang up in his bed, his heart pounding with both fear and overwhelming grief.  “My God, why won’t the memories go away?” He whispered.  “I’ve not thought about you in so many years, Father.  Why must you torment me?  Don’t I have enough problems right now?”  Ben stood from his bed and pulled on his robe.  He needed to get some air just as he had done after every nightmare that he had experienced that week.  “Please, Dear Lord, help me to forget.”

************

For the next three days Little Joe had gone out to round up strays with his brothers.  At least it was a change of pace, and he was glad to be doing something that he liked.  Joe hated to go home at the end of the day because there was always an uneasy silence between him and Pa.  But he did what he had to do and when he got home each night, he just went through the motions.  His two brothers had watched him closely.  Neither man could understand what was going on between the boy and their father, it was anything but normal.  They had seen Little Joe get into a lot of trouble over the years and Pa had always forgiven him.  Now, however, it seemed like he couldn’t let go of what Joe had done.

Hoss ambled over to his older brother and waited for him to dismount there at the ranch house.

“Long day, huh?” He grinned over at Adam.

“Yeah, it was,” He agreed as he swung down from Sport.  “But we’ve just about got all of the strays accounted for.”

“Hey – thought Joe was right behind us?” Hoss asked as he looked towards the barn.

“I don’t think that the kid was any too anxious to get back here, Hoss,” Adam frowned as they exchanged a knowing glance.

Hoss sighed and shook his head.  “I just keep hoping that things will change between Pa and him.”

“I do too,” Adam nodded.  They both knew their little brother well.  With Little Joe’s personality the highs were extremely high, and the lows were painfully low.  But their brother’s sense of calm resolve that their father no longer cared about him had grown unbearable for his two brothers to watch playing out every night.  “I tried to talk to Pa about it again last night, but he shut me down.”

Hoss was just about to say something when Little Joe rode into the yard and dismounted there next to his brothers.

“How did you do, Little Brother?”

“I got those last three, Hoss.  I cut them in with the herd,” Joe answered and cast an apprehensive glance towards the front of the house.  “I’ll stable your horses,” He offered and reached for the other two sets of reins.

Adam tried to think of something uplifting to say to his brother but had run out of helpful suggestions as to how to speak to their father.  He simply patted the boy’s shoulder and thanked him.

“He’s stalling again. The kid doesn’t want to go inside the house,” Hoss remarked as he watched Little Joe walking into the barn trailing the three horses behind him.

“Yeah – it’s going to be a repeat of last night looks like.  Well, let’s go inside and get washed up,” Adam returned and the two men headed into the house.

************

It was late in the evening, and everyone had gone to bed.  Little Joe found that sleep was allusive and had given up on the idea after an hour of tossing and turning in his bed.  No matter how hard he had tried he couldn’t shake loose his feelings of loss.  He fought to simply get used to the idea that his father no longer cared about him, but he just couldn’t.  So that night, two weeks to the day since the incident out in the barn, he silently made his way into the hall.  Little Joe decided that he was going to confront his father in his bedroom where Pa couldn’t as easily dismiss him.  Or so he had hoped.  Due to the lateness of the hour, he silently stole out of his bedroom and made his way across the hall.  He noticed that Pa’s bedroom door was two-thirds of the way closed.  Peering around the door, Joe witnessed his father sitting on the side of his bed.  He appeared to be holding a letter in his left hand, and his right was held up covering his face.  By the looks of him, Pa appeared to be distraught about something.  Little Joe wondered what was going on but was too afraid to walk inside the room to find out.  It was then that he watched Pa brushing aside some tears.  It had taken him by surprise, and he eased back a bit to evade detection.  He reasoned that something in the letter held in his father’s hand must have gotten him upset enough to cry.  Joe couldn’t imagine what it could be.  He had rarely seen Pa cry, but there he was, sitting alone in his room and wiping his tears away on the sleeve of his robe.  With what seemed to be a great deal of effort on his part, Pa pulled himself up from his bed and walked to his nightstand.  Pa placed the letter inside his bible and closed it.  He then removed his robe.  Joe moved quietly back to his room so his father would never know that he had witnessed him breaking down.  ***I’ve got to find out what Pa was reading.  It might not have anything to do with the way that he’s been treating me.  But just in case it does, I’m going to get my hands on it. *** Joe vowed to himself as he eased his door closed.

************

Little Joe volunteered to stack the new hay up in the loft and clean the barn the following day.  He knew that it would afford him the chance to venture back up to his father’s room so he could get a look at the letter which had been secreted inside his bible.  He bided his time and kept a good eye out for his father’s departure into town.  Hoss and Adam had left right after breakfast and even Hop Sing had taken the buckboard into Virginia City thus giving him more than ample time to go back inside the house and up to Pa’s room.

Sitting on the side of the bed later that afternoon, Little Joe pulled the letter out of the bible and began to read the contents.  It wasn’t long before he realized that it was a very old letter whose author was his grandfather; the man who he had been named after.  He sat there trying to ascertain why the contents had such a negative impact on his father.  It read:

***Dear Benjamin, I learned from your brother John that you’ve just had your third child, and it came as quite a surprise to me that you’ve named him Joseph after me.  I can only pray that it is a sign that the bitterness which has existed in our relationship has lessened after so many years.  I never wanted it to be this way, Son.  I never wanted to be estranged from my youngest child.  Upon close reflection and to my great sadness I now understand what happened between us.  I realize now that it was my hard hand and cruel words that drove you away and forced you to first choose a life at sea and now a life in the wilderness.  I can’t change what course our lives took, Benjamin, though as my life is slipping away, I wish that it were in my power to go back and relive your youth.  You were more like your mother – a kind soul.  Your brother John more like me.  Perhaps a dreamer but with little follow-through on making them become a reality.  But from what John has written you’ve made your own dreams come true.  You have three sons now and I’m sure that you’re the kind of father that you wished that you had growing up.  I made mistakes, and I realize that now.  You were my youngest and I tried to make you stronger than I felt you were.  I was wrong, you were strong all along, Benjamin.  I was not.  It takes no strength to lay a strap on your son instead of trying to find out the cause of the problem first.  I never took the time to talk to you and only reacted.  Your mother, God bless her, intervened so many times until her death.  And after she was gone, I grew to be even worse towards you.  Perhaps it was because I saw so much of her in you?  A man is his own worst judge I suppose.  But I believe that I failed at being a father, especially to you.  If John has yet to write to you, I know he’s still wandering the countryside with his boy Will.  But he knows that the doctor has told me that it’s now a matter of days not weeks until my passing.  John was to let you know for me.  Benjamin, I am so sorry that I returned all the letters that you sent me over the years.  I now know that it was the reason why you finally stopped sending them.  It was wrong of me, and I know that it hurt you.  And still you have just named your boy after me.  That has to mean something, Son?  I pray that somehow you will remember back when you were a young boy and I held you in my arms.  That was back before I let myself harden into a man who you were afraid to come to with your troubles.  Think of those early years when you and I were so close, Son, for me as one of my last requests.  And, if you can find it in your heart someday, please forgive me, Ben, for every time that instead of speaking to you that I took a strap to you.  I want you to know that I am filled with both self-loathing and a heavy remorse that I will take to my grave.  Of all my many sins, hurting you is the most grievous one that I committed in my lifetime.  I need to tell you this to remove any doubt you may have held in your heart over these many years.   I love you Son and I always have.  Be well and raise all three of your boys differently than I raised you.  Your father. ***

Little Joe carefully folded the letter and walked back to the nightstand.  He had left the bible opened to where his father had placed it and put it back just as he had found it.  He sank back down onto Pa’s bed filled with confusion.  His father hadn’t shared much about his own father over the years, just a few words here and there and Joe hadn’t asked any questions.  Now he knew why Pa rarely spoke about his childhood.  Joe could see why the letter had upset his father and yet he couldn’t understand why it had shaken the man so badly after so many years had passed since receiving it.  He also couldn’t understand what, if anything, it had to do with the current breech in their relationship.  If Pa had such an awful childhood and had been at odds with his own father, he wondered why he was suddenly treating him the same way his father had treated him all those years ago.  As far as Little Joe was concerned none of it made any sense.  Shaking his head discouraged that he wasn’t any closer to learning why Pa no longer cared about him, Joe walked out of the room and closed the door behind him.

*************

That night at the dinner table while everyone else spoke about their day and plans for the next, Little Joe simply toyed with the food on his plate.  His father had only said a couple of words to him that day including a subdued, albeit polite, “good morning” and “hello” upon putting his horse away once he’d arrived back from town.  The rest of the time he had spoken only to his brothers.  Joe pondered what had been in the letter from his grandfather, finally dismissing it as having nothing to do with the current situation between his father and him.

Ben’s gaze fell on the boy to his immediate right.  He hadn’t missed the way that Little Joe hadn’t eaten more than a couple of bites of his supper.  He felt awful that there was such a deep divide between the two of them.  And he couldn’t force himself to reach over and touch the boy’s arm as he normally would have to tell him to eat or to ask him what was wrong.  The nightmares which had plagued Ben wouldn’t let go of him.  The more that he thought about his father the more he worried that he was becoming exactly like him as he had proven that night out in the barn.  And for the life of him, Ben couldn’t let go of any of it.

“Them cows tore down that new section of fencing over by Syler’s Ridge, Pa,” Hoss jumped in to break the uneasy silence which had fallen over the room.  “You want me to go fix them tomorrow?”

Ben nodded over to his son and replied, “Yes, you’d better see to it since Fletcher will be up with the timber crew for a couple more days.”

“How about you go out with me, Little Brother?”

Little Joe mindlessly sipped his water, not hearing what his brother had asked.

“Joe?” Adam said and reached over to the boy, placing a hand on his right arm.  “Didn’t you hear Hoss?”

Looking across the table, he apologized, “Sorry, Hoss – what did you say?”

“Just wondering if you’d go out with me tomorrow to fix those fences that got knocked down yesterday.”

“Sure.”

“That’ll be fine,” Ben added as he stood from his chair and walked into the living room.

Little Joe stood from the table as well and didn’t bother to say goodnight to anyone.  He didn’t feel like there was a point in offering polite meaningless pleasantries anymore.  He simply walked up to his room.

*************

“Dad burn it!” Hoss shouted as he watched his little brother falling down to the ground.  “I’m plum sorry — the wire just snapped before I could do anything.  Let me get a look at your leg, Little Joe,” He insisted as he hurried next to the boy and spotted the blood coating the leg of Joe’s pants.

Sitting on the ground, Little Joe pulled up his pant leg.  “It’s okay, Hoss.  It’s not bad,” he tried to ease his brother’s mind.  There was a three inch long cut on his calf just above his right boot.

“It cut slap through your trousers,” Hoss fussed as he knelt next to him.  “We’d better get you on home.”

Shaking it off, Joe stood and patted his brother’s shoulder and replied, “It’s not too deep.  I’ll just go home and clean it up a little and I’ll be fine.  You and Dusty finish with those last couple of repairs and I’ll see you back at the house.”

Hoss pulled himself up from the ground and watched as his brother moved over to his horse.  “You sure you don’t need any help?”

Little Joe vaulted up onto Cochise and called down to his brother, “No – I’ve got it.  Don’t worry.  Hey – I’ll see you when you get home.”  And with that Joe rode off to avoid anything else being said about his injury. He knew that his brother would have fussed over him, but he didn’t need it.

“You take care of that cut!” Hoss yelled as his brother rode out of sight.  He looked over at the other man and sighed.  “Okay, let’s fix that wire first so it don’t hurt nobody else and then finish this job.”

*************

A little less than an hour later Hoss watched as his father rode up and dismounted next to Chubb and tied his reins onto a small scrub bush.  He walked over to his son and smiled.

“You just about done for the day, Son?”

Hoss tossed down his hammer and nodded.  “Yeah, Pa.  What are you doing out here?”

“Oh, I rode out to see how Adam was doing with those new calves. I thought that I’d stop by and see how you and your brother were coming along with these fence repairs.  Where is he anyway?” Ben looked around and only spotted Dusty, who was busy picking up the tools that they had used.

“You didn’t see Joe?  I would’ve thought that you’d have passed him. He rode off the same way that you just came in,” He returned.

“No, I didn’t see him.  Why’d he leave?” Ben asked when he witnessed the appearance of concern spreading across his son’s face.

“Pa, maybe you’d better go and check on him?  I was pulling that fence wire and it snapped on me and swung around and cut Little Joe’s leg.  It went slap through his pant leg.”

Ben’s face took on a worried appearance, “How bad?”

“I tried to get a look at it, but Joe didn’t let me.  He said it wasn’t too bad and that he’d just go home and fix it up.  But it was bleeding pretty good, Pa.”

“I’ll go check on him,” Ben nodded.

“Hey, Pa?” Hoss said and walked closer to his father.  “Little Joe thinks that you don’t have no use for him anymore.  He’s feeling awfully low.”

Ben walked over to his horse and untied the reins.  “I’ll go see to your brother, Hoss.  See you when you make it home,” He returned and swung up into his saddle.  Kicking at Buck’s sides he rode off towards the ranch house.

************

“Joseph?” Ben called standing outside the door to the boy’s bedroom.  “Hoss said you got hurt,” he said and opened the door.  Joe was sitting in the chair next to his window and pulling on his boots as he walked over to him.  “Why don’t you let me have a look at it?”

“I’m fine,” Joe answered contritely.

“There’s always the chance for infection if you get cut on that kind of wire,” Ben continued.

Little Joe stared up at his father and shook his head in disbelief.  “So, you’re talking to me just because I got hurt?  For two straight weeks you’ve barely said a word to me.  I guess I should’ve gotten cut sooner just to get you to acknowledge that I’m alive,” He returned with both hurt and anger in his voice and on his face.

“Joseph – maybe we’d better have Doc take a look at that cut?” Ben responded, not addressing the bitterness that his son had revealed in his response.

“I said I took care of it,” Joe insisted bluntly as he stood from the chair.  “I’m going to put Cochise up.”

“I’ll do that for you,” He offered.

“No thanks – it’s my horse, I’ll tend to her,” Joe muttered and walked away from his father.  He didn’t need Pa to act like he cared about him simply because he had been injured.  Joe surmised that the man wouldn’t have said a thing to him if he’d come home without getting hurt.

Ben watched as his son limped across the room and headed out into the hallway.  He knew why the boy had acted the way he had.  The breech in their relationship was just as fresh as it had been the night out in the barn.  Ben had no idea how to reach his son anymore.  When he looked at Joseph it was a poignant reminder of the way that he had felt as a young man.  He was hurt and confused, and Ben knew that he had caused it all.  Despondently he walked out of his son’s room.

************

At the dinner table that night the atmosphere wasn’t much better than it had been for almost two straight weeks.  Hoss and Adam led the conversation with neither Little Joe nor Pa offering much.

“I hope you cleaned that cut good, Joe,” Adam finally addressed the injury that Hoss had told him his brother had gotten that afternoon.

“Yeah, I did,” Joe nodded.

“I’m sorry, Little Brother.  I hate that I got you hurt,” Hoss apologized again.

“I’ve had worse, don’t worry about it,” Joe nodded to his brother.

Ben cleared his throat and looked over at Adam.  He decided to change the topic of discussion.  “Do you have enough men to help you with the branding tomorrow?”

“I think so, Pa.  But if you’d like to loan me Hoss or Joe, I’ll take them.”

“Well, do either of you want to help your brother?” Ben asked, mainly directing his attention to Hoss.

“I don’t mind helping Adam, unless you’d like to do it, Little Brother?”

Joe shook his head and replied, “Fletcher is due back – I’ll go work with him.  Excuse me — I’m going to bed.”

Ben watched as his youngest walked away from the table and across the room without saying another word.  He could feel the pain that Joe felt, and it had nothing to do with the cut on his leg.

“Little Joe wouldn’t let you tend his leg?” Hoss asked once his brother had made it up to his room.

Sighing, Ben shook his head.  “No.”

Adam and Hoss exchanged worried glances after witnessing the look on their father’s face.  The man appeared both confused and sorrowful.

“Didn’t you talk to him, Pa?” Hoss continued trying to pry the information out of his father.

“Let me handle it, Hoss,” Ben countered.  “Excuse me,” he said and stood from the table.

Both men watched as their pa left the dining room and walked out to the front porch.

“I don’t know what it’s going to take to get those two to settle their differences,” Adam frowned.

“Yeah – I thought after Little Joe got hurt today that Pa would be fussing over him all night.  But that didn’t happen.”

“Well, I don’t think that this stalemate can go on too much longer, Hoss.  Pa looked a bit frazzled tonight, so I think he’s about ready to crack.”

“Little Joe’s been acting like he’s just given up on Pa ever coming around.  I feel bad for the kid,” Hoss sighed and set down his fork.  “All this worry has been affecting everyone.  I have just about lost all of my appetite these last four or five days.”

“Cheer up, Brother,” Adam smiled attempting to lighten Hoss’ worry.  “I’d say a day or two at the most and your appetite will be back in full force.”

“That sure sounds good to me.  If this keeps up, I’ll be down to skin and bones,” Hoss grinned.  He was glad that he had his older brother to talk to.  It helped.

***********

***You sit down and listen to me!  Father, you never listen to me – and that’s exactly what’s causing all the trouble between the two of us.  Benjamin, you will not speak to me like that!  Like what?  Father, I’m just trying to tell you how I feel.  Ben reeled from the backhanded slap he had taken from his father’s hand.  I didn’t deserve that, Father.  And that’s the last time you’ll ever raise a hand to me.  I don’t know what changed you. He said shaking his head filled with more sorrow than he knew what to do with. You haven’t been the same since mother died.  When I was younger there wasn’t a better father in all the world than you.  What happened to us? He whispered sadly.  You’re not going anywhere so just unpack that duffle, Benjamin. My ship leaves in the morning.  I’ll just wait on the dock until then.  Don’t you dare leave this house, Benjamin!  Goodbye, Father.  Come back! He shouted as his son hurried out the door. *** Ben shook himself from the nightmare.  The dream had been far too explicit.  It had been all too real and a complete rehashing of the last time he had ever seen his father.  He sat on the side of his bed and pushed aside the tears which had drifted down his face.  “I’ll not let that happen to us, Joseph,” He whispered as he shook his head sadly.

************

“So, you’re telling me that you and your pa still haven’t settled your differences?” Fletcher asked with a good amount of bewilderment in his eyes.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m telling you,” Little Joe nodded as he set the canteen underneath the bench seat in the buckboard.  The two of them had put in a long day and he had waited for Fletcher to ask about what was going on at home.  He had witnessed the man staring over at him on numerous occasions that day as they made repairs on one of the line shacks.  Now that it was time to head back to the ranch house, he figured that Fletcher would finally begin his questioning.

“And you’ve tried to talk to Ben a couple of times?” He continued as he climbed up into the wagon.

“Yeah – I have for what good it did,” Joe frowned.

“He’s not said a thing to you?  Not in the last two weeks?”

“Oh, he’s talked to me,” Little Joe returned with sarcasm in his tone of voice.  “He’s said good morning and goodnight and go to bed, Joseph.  And yesterday when I got cut on my leg by some fencing wire, he asked to look at it.”

“Well, at least that’s something, right?” Fletcher asked hopefully.  “That means he still cares about you, Little Joe.”

Looking into the other man’s eyes, Joe shook his head.  “No, Fletcher.  Pa only went up to my room because Hoss asked him to.  I know it, I could sense it yesterday.  It was like he felt obligated to say that to me.”

“How do you know that, Boy?”

“Because at dinner last night he went right back to treating me the same way that he’s been doing this whole time.  He hardly spoke a word to me.”

Fletcher frowned, growing angered over the way that Ben Cartwright was treating his youngest boy.  “So, what’re you planning on doing now?”

Little Joe crossed his arms over his chest and grew quiet.  He knew what he was going to do about the situation, but he sure wasn’t going to tell anyone else, including the man sitting there next to him.

“I asked you a question, Boy,” Fletcher returned gruffly.

“I’m not planning anything.”

Studying the boy’s face, Fletcher knew differently.  “Little Joe, I ain’t as dumb as folks think I am.  I can read it all over that face of yours – you’re thinking about leaving now, aren’t you?”

Little Joe shrugged his shoulders but didn’t reply.  He simply looked away from the man’s penetrating eyes.

“Don’t go running off, Joe.  It ain’t gonna solve nothing if you do,” Fletcher said with a note of caution in his tone of voice.

The buckboard pulled up in front of the ranch house and Little Joe climbed down.

“Thanks, Fletcher.  I’m not sure if I’ll be working with you on the rest of those repairs to that line shack tomorrow.  But – well – I appreciate all that you’ve tried to do for me,” Joe said and offered the man his handshake.

“You dumb kid,” he groaned and returned the gesture.  “Don’t you go doing nothing like running away.  You hear me?”

“Goodbye, Fletcher,” Joe called to the man and hastily turned for the house.  He didn’t want the man to see what was in his eyes.  He had already guessed.

“Dad gum foolishness!” Fletcher fumed as he drove the buckboard over to the corral.  “I ain’t got the time for this!  Ben Cartwright you and me are going to have us a little talk,” He grumbled and walked towards the house.

*************

Ben had watched from his desk as Little Joe hurried up to his room.  The boy hadn’t said a word as he flew past him heading for the stairs.  It was at that moment that he heard the loud thump on the front door.  He stood and walked into the next room and pulled the door open.  Fletcher was standing there looking at him hard.

“Ben, I’ve got a bone to pick with you!” He exclaimed brusquely.

“Come on in and you can tell me what’s on your mind, Fletcher,” Ben offered as he pulled the door back some.

“No, not in the house.  You come on out here.  There’s no need for bloodshed in the house.  I don’t want to ruin the floors.  Hop Sing’s got enough work to do!” he returned.

Frowning after hearing what the other man had said, Ben walked outside and joined him on the porch.

“Okay,” Ben began and sighed wearily.  “What’s the complaint this time?  You want the same wages as the foreman on the Circle W now?”

Fletcher stared into Ben’s eyes and replied, “Well yes as a matter of fact I do — but that’s not why I’m here.  I want to talk to you about that youngest boy of yours.”

“What about him?”

“Do you know where he is?” Fletcher asked drolly.

“Yes, he’s upstairs.  You should know, you just dropped the boy off here,” Ben returned gruffly.

“Then you seen him?” He asked, raising his eyebrows to show his surprise.

“Of course I’ve seen him!”

Fletcher scrubbed at his chin and responded, “Oh, now I was beginning to think that Joe was downright invisible.  Least ways that’s what that boy of yours thinks.  He’s told me that you don’t notice him anymore.  So, I thought that either he has the ability to make himself invisible or that you need to go have your eyes checked.”

Ben groaned over what the man had said.  “Fletcher, I don’t know what you’re getting at,” he was cut off in midsentence.

“You’re not too fast to pick up on things anymore are you, Ben?  You used to be sharp.  Maybe you’ve been sitting behind that desk too much?  Time for you to get out of this house and breathe in some air.”

“Just tell me,” Ben sighed again.

“That boy up there,” He paused and pointed up to the room above the porch.  “He thinks that his pa doesn’t give one hoot about him anymore.  He thinks that he’s committed some kind of awful sin by sneaking out of here just to see a horse getting broke and having Cochise going lame on him.  Now why are you giving that boy the silent treatment?  He’s paid for his crime ain’t he?”

“I’ll handle this in my own way,” Ben insisted.

“Your way?”  Fletcher fussed and spit on the ground.  “That way of yours is gonna cost you that boy of yours.  He’s going to leave – and from what I saw on Little Joe’s face he won’t be coming back.”

Ben nervously bit at his bottom lip as he stared at the intensity on Fletcher’s face.  “Did Joseph say that he was planning on leaving?”

“Didn’t have to say it, Ben.  I seen it on his face. You’d better do something pretty darn quick if you want to keep him.  Now I don’t know exactly what’s been going on between the two of you.  I ain’t never had any youngins.  And to tell you the truth I ain’t missed having any neither.  I don’t like messing in other folks’ business, but I can’t stand to see Little Joe like this.  You’re his pa so you should know how much he’s hurting.  Ben, you’ve got a boy who loves you and it’d be a pure shame to lose him.  So why don’t you go do something about it so we can all get some relief?”

Ben nodded to the man and replied, “You’re right, Fletcher.  This has gone on long enough.  Thanks.” He patted the man’s shoulder and was rewarded with a smile.

“Good.  Now keep all three of those kids out of my way because they get on my nerves!  They’re all worthless and as spoiled as they come!  And you should know because you’re the one who spoiled them,” Fletcher nodded to his friend to let him know that he was happy that something was going to be done to settle the problem.

Ben chuckled and nodded to the man.  “Of course they are.  Thank you for letting me know how you really feel about them!”

“You go up and take care of your boy, Ben,” Fletcher patted his friend on the arm and turned back into the yard.

*************

Ben stared over at his son.  The carpet bag was there on the bed creating a barrier separating the two of them.  He had attempted to explain what had transpired the last two weeks but was having a very difficult time doing so.

“Joseph, I realize that I’ve not told you much about your grandfather.  All you know is that you were named after him,” Ben began.

Little Joe wondered if he could hide the guilt he felt or whether his father would be able to read it in his eyes.  He couldn’t tell Pa that he had read the letter from his grandfather.  It wouldn’t have made things better between them only worse.  Pa had kept it hidden for a reason.  It was full of sad reflections and heavy regret.  He dropped his head down to his chest to avoid detection.  Pa could read him far too well.

“Joseph,” Ben continued and tried to parse his words.  “I didn’t have a good relationship with my father.  We – well – we had our differences and I left home not too many years after my mother passed away.”

Little Joe looked up and witnessed the pain on his father’s face and knew why it was there.  “Why, Pa?” He asked, even though he was acutely aware what the answer was already.

“He – well – he was a hard man, Son.  My father wasn’t the kind of person who asked any questions before doling out punishment.  He never let me explain myself when I got into trouble.”  Ben drew in a deep breath and held it for a few seconds.  It was getting more difficult by the minute as he was forced to confront his past so he could mend the relationship there in front of him.

“So, he’d hit you without letting you say anything, Pa?” Joe tried to help.  He knew that Pa was having trouble revealing the terrible way he had been treated.

Shaking his head, Ben replied, “No he wouldn’t.  And after a while there was only bitterness between the two of us because of it.  That was why I left home and went to sea.”

Little Joe realized how hard it had been for his father to have confessed what he had.  It was the first time that he had seen Pa as not just his father but also as someone’s son.  Before that moment, Pa was merely Pa; unbreakable and unwavering.  But somewhere beneath his wise words and carefully crafted lectures there existed someone’s child who had been hurt so deeply by his own father’s actions.  Yet Pa had honored the man enough to name his third son after him. What remained of the child deep inside the man before him still bore the painful scars from his youth.  Joe’s heart ached to think about his father having been hurt like that.  He wished that he could heal the wounds that remained inside Pa’s heart, but he didn’t think that it was in his power to do so.  Staring into his father’s eyes he tried to get past all that pain so he could focus on their relationship now.  It also needed healing.  And that was the one thing that he could try to mend.  No matter what had transpired between the two of them over the past couple of weeks, Little Joe wanted to find a way to recover what they both had lost.

“Pa?  Why are you telling me all of this?  What does your pa have to do with what’s happened between the two of us?”

“Because, Joseph, that night out in the barn I acted exactly like my father used to.  I never gave you the chance to explain yourself.  I only reacted to what you had done.  It doesn’t matter if you were at fault or not.  You deserved to have your say, Son.”

“But it was only that one time, Pa!” Joe insisted, hoping to ease his father’s mind.  “That doesn’t mean that you had turned into your father.”

“Oh, Joseph – that’s not what it felt like to me.  I became consumed with fear – fear that my actions would eventually cause you to leave – just like I did all those years ago.  I just couldn’t risk losing you.  I pulled away from you after that because I was scared – scared that I would end up becoming my father.”

“Pa – you kept me at arm’s length for weeks.  That hurt me worse than anything that happened out in the barn,” Joe protested.  “You’re nothing like your father.  I was going to leave because I thought you didn’t care about me, not because I was mad at you for punishing me.”

“I know that now, Son – and it’s all my fault,” Ben confessed filled with regret.

“No, Pa, you’re wrong about that too.  It was all my fault.  I disobeyed you that day.  I never should have left the ranch.  I know that I had no business doing that.  I’m the one to blame for what happened, not you.

Ben read the look on his son’s face and realized that the boy was trying hard to relieve him of his guilt.  “Joseph, I’m sorry – sorry for everything that happened between us.  I was just so terrified that my actions would tear the two of us apart.”

“Pa – from here on out – don’t ever push me away.  I can take just about anything but not that,” He paused and reached for his carpet bag.  He lifted it off the bed and dropped it down onto the floor.  “And nothing will ever separate me from you – because I won’t let it.  Pa – you’re the best father in this whole wide world.  And I love you,” Little Joe had said the words attempting to heal his father’s heart.  He knew that Pa had been hurt due to the memories of his own childhood combined with all that had transpired between the two of them.  Pa deserved to know that he was loved despite anything that had happened in the past.

Ben drew in a deep breath upon hearing his son’s words.  Tears welled up in his eyes as he looked over at the boy who he loved so much.  His son had gotten to his heart and what he had confessed had purged all the bad memories out of it.

“Oh, Joseph, I’ll never push you away again,” he whispered and reached for the boy.  Ben pulled Joe over to him and locked him tightly in his embrace.  Sweeping a hand through the boy’s curly hair he said, “I love you, Son.  I always have and I always will.”

Little Joe closed his eyes and for the first time in weeks he felt secure in the knowledge that his father had never stopped loving him.  Held there in the man’s arms he couldn’t help feeling terrible about the way that Pa had been treated as a child.

“Pa – I’m so sorry for what my grandfather did to you,” He whispered.

“Joseph,” Ben paused to gather his thoughts.  “I don’t want you to think badly about your grandfather.  When I was a young boy – well – there wasn’t a better father than the one I had.  He was warm and loving and kind.  It’s just that – well – for whatever reason the years changed him.  The last letter I had from him arrived not long after you were born.  He was very glad that I had named you after him.  He apologized for what had happened between us and asked me to remember those happier times in my youth.   And, up to a couple of weeks ago – that’s what I did.”

Little Joe could hear the heavy remorse in Pa’s voice.  He struggled to find something that he could offer to him that might help.

“If that’s what helps you, Pa — then that’s what you should do.  Just remember the good times.  Remember him that way,” Joe whispered as he felt his father’s hand softly brushing back the curls on his head.

Ben closed his eyes as he fought to rid himself of all the sorrow.  He had his father’s namesake held there in his arms.  The love he felt for his son was more than enough to purge the bad memories from his heart.

“Yes, Son.  I’ll keep the good memories and leave the bad ones in the past.”

“I’m blessed, Pa, because I’ve only got good memories,” Little Joe whispered, letting his father know that what had transpired between them over the last two weeks had never happened as far as he was concerned.

Ben smiled to hear what his son had said.  Their deep bond was back and just as intact as it always had been.  Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to the boy’s forehead and sighed. Everything was going to be alright now.  *** Thank God. ***

************

Epilogue

*** Father did you see it?  My sailboat made it across the pond!   Joseph Cartwright patted his youngest son’s head.  Why yes, Benjamin, your sailboat is very fast!  In fact, it’s faster than your brother John’s boat.  But we shant tell him so he won’t feel bad.  Yes, Father.  I fashioned those sails myself.  Did I do a good job? He asked.  Benjamin, you did very well and I’m proud of you.  He said as he went down to his knees and hugged the boy close to him.  And I love you, Son.  I love you too, Father.  You are the best father in the whole wide world. *** Ben Cartwright opened his eyes.  A smile played upon his lips as he drew himself up in his bed.  The nightmares had now been replaced by fond childhood memories, honoring his father’s final request.

***Whatever I am, you taught me to be.  I am your hope; I am your chance.  I am your child. ***

The End

Written by: Wrangler

6-14-2026

(Dedicated to my story consultant Rob, who, I am told, is a wonderful father.  And to Ben Cartwright for being such a wonderful role model to so many over the years.)