Summary:  A routine day of rounding up stays turns into a comedy of error for Adam.

Rated:  T  WC  1800

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author.  The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise.  No copyright infringement is intended.

 

The Indignity Of It All 

Joe looked up at the purple-streaked sky and checked the position of the sun. By his estimation, it was nearing six in the evening. Twelve hours in the saddle and I feel every one of ’em, he thought as he stretched and tried to find a more comfortable position. Deciding that was an impossible task, he reached out and gave Cochise a pat on the neck.

“What you say we head toward the creek. If we’re lucky, Hoss or Adam’s there and has a pot of coffee on.” Cochise snorted and shook her head as Joe tugged gently on the reins, heading her in the direction of the creek.

The sun was hanging lazily over the pines as Joe loped into the campsite. Spotting Hoss by the fire, he tipped his hat and smiled. Joe tended to Cochise before he allowed himself to stop and rest.

Flopping down beside Hoss, Joe helped himself to a cup of coffee. “I thought Adam would have beat both of us here.”

“Nah, ain’t seen him since breakfast. Iff’n he don’t get here soon, they ain’t gonna be no supper for him neither.” Hoss chuckled and spooned a big helping of beans onto his plate.

“Well you know Adam. There’s still a sliver of daylight left,” Joe said taking a long drink from his coffee. “Hey, go easy on those beans. Adam might not be here, but I am.”

Joe had finished his supper and was working on a third cup of coffee. “Hoss, this ain’t like Adam to be this late. I wonder if he met up with some trouble.”

Hoss stood up and threw his coffee in the fire. “Well, they ain’t but one way to find out.”

Joe made sure the fire was out before he joined Hoss in saddling his horse. “Adam was working the north range, right? Hoss, you take the upper trail by the flats, I’ll take the trail by the creek. Fire three shots if you find anything.”

Hoss nodded in agreement. “Joe, they’s a full moon, but ya be careful anyhow.” Hoss laid his hand on Joe’s arm, “We’ll find him, Joe.”

Joe half-heartedly smiled and spurred Cochise northeast. Hoss watched Joe leave before urging Chubb up toward the flats.

Chapter 2

Adam was in a precarious position and he didn’t quite know how he was going to get out. While working the north range, Adam happened upon two would-be cattle rustlers. Spotting the thieves, Adam quietly made his way behind the dirty men.

“Drop the rope!” Adam motioned with his gun, “Move over there!”

“Aw, c’mon mister,” the taller one whined. “Ya got plenty of beeves, ya ain’t gonna miss this one.”

“Yeah, ya got plenty,” echoed the shorter blond-headed man.

“Don’t matter. They’re not yours to take,” Adam reasoned, cautiously moving toward the tangled cow.

Adam couldn’t help but notice they had picked the runtiest cow of the bunch. His eyes glanced quickly at the rope around the cow’s neck. They can’t even tie a proper knot. Momentarily distracted, he didn’t hear the third man sneaking up on him until it was too late. Stunned by the blow to the back of his head, he dropped to his knees. When he regained his senses, he was trussed up like one of Hop Sing’s Sunday chickens.

“What we gonna do with him, Clem?” The short blond man asked.

“I done told ya not to use our real names,” the tall one hissed. “I dunno, Why don’t we string him up?” He chuckled at his private joke.

Adam struggled against the ropes that bound his hands and feet. “Fellows, don’t go making this situation any worse than it is. Don’t turn simple theft into murder.”

Clem snorted. “Shorty, fetch me a rope, Peewee, go git his horse.”

Shorty disappeared and returned dragging an old rope. “Sorry, Peanut. This ‘s the only one we got left. Ya done tied him up with our best new rope, and ya used his’n too.”

“Peanut? Who ya callin ‘peanut’?” Clem roared.

“Ya told me not to call ya Clem.” Shorty kicked the dirt and whined.

Clem smacked his forehead with his palm, and looked heavenward, as if he was pleading for patience.

As Clem fashioned a noose, Peewee led Sport under the tree while Shorty helped Adam to his feet. “Git on yer horse.”

Adam stared dumbstruck at Clem. “How?”

Clem let out an impatient sigh. “Whatcha mean how? Don’t ya know how to git up on a horse?”

Adam had a hard time keeping a straight face. “Of course I know how to mount a horse.” He turned sideways to remind Clem that he tied him up. “What I mean is how?” Adam wiggled his hands for emphasis.

“Oh good Lord! I knew I shoulda shot ya and got it over with. Shorty! Peewee! Git over here and put him on his horse. I wanna get this over afore dark.”

“Ya gonna hang him sidesaddle?” Peewee said scratching his head and pointing at Adam. “Ya got his legs tied.”

“Oh crap! Just get him on his horse, and be quick about it.” Clem was quickly losing the patience he had just asked for.

Peewee and Shorty lived up to their nicknames. The two men looked at each other, up at Adam and then at Clem. “Clem,” Shorty whined. He’s a good foot taller ‘en us and outweighs us by seventy pounds. We can’t git him up there all by ourselves.”

“Iffen ya weren’t kin…” Clem started. He shook his head in resignation and put down the worn rope.

The three men worked for over thirty minutes trying to get Adam on Sport. Out of breath and sweating profusely, they decided to throw Adam face down over the saddle. Adam couldn’t brace himself for the landing, and hit his saddle with a loud grunt. “Oops, sorry,” Clem said absently as he picked up the rope and selected a sturdy limb.

After five unsuccessful tries, Clem gave up and decided to throw the rope over a smaller, lower limb. As the limp rope went over the limb, it flopped right on top of Adam’s head. Normally he wouldn’t have noticed it, but they had knocked his hat off during the comical struggle to put him on his horse. Adam snorted in disgust and stared up at Clem.

“What?” Clem shrugged his shoulders, and worked the loop over Adam’s head and around his neck. “Do ya have any last words?”

“Don’t do it. Don’t add murder to your troubles,” Adam stated calmly, trying one last time to reason with Clem.

“Well, I figure we’ll be long gone afore they find ya. I ain’t worried. Come on boys. Let’s get that beef and get out of here.” Clem said as he walked away.

“Easy, boy.” Adam crooned softly as Sport began to sidestep.

The three men rode up with the runty cow obediently following. As he galloped by, Clem slapped Sport on the rump. Sport gave a surprised snort and took off – with Clem and his crew trailing close behind.

Adam felt himself lift up and hit the ground, knocking the breath out of him. “Wha…?” Adam said as he rolled over and struggled to his knees. Once he caught his breath, he whistled for Sport. Heeding his master’s call, Sport nickered softly and walked over to where Adam was kneeling. “Well boy, how are we going to get out of this?”

Chapter 3

Adam sat on the hard ground and looked up at the stars. It must be about seven-thirty. Hoss and Joe should be back at camp. I wonder if they’ve started looking for me. He shivered as a slight breeze blew across the back of his neck. He heard the faint sound of someone calling his name. Hoss, thank goodness. Adam smiled gratefully. Breathing a sigh of relief Adam yelled back. The brothers continued to call to each other until Hoss and Chubb rode up.

“Adam! What happened?” Hoss asked as he hopped off Chubb. Hoss’ grin got wider the closer he got to Adam. As he stood next to his brother, Hoss took in the scene. There sat a perturbed Adam, bound hand and foot, with a dirty and frayed rope around his neck. Hoss tried to look sympathetic and angry, but all he could do was laugh.

Gritting his teeth, Adam cocked his head and looked up at his brother. “Untie me.”

“Sorry, Adam.” Hoss wiped his eyes and untied his brother. “I gotta let Joe know where we are,” he said pulling his gun out of its holster.

Adam put his hand on Hoss’ gun. “Yeah, you let him know you found me, but not a word of how you found me.” Adam said in a threatening voice.

After sending the signal, Hoss and Adam sat and waited for their younger brother. Joe arrived shortly after, along with three men in tow, and one runty cow following obediently behind.

“Look what I found. Three desperado rustlers,” Joe jerked his thumb in the direction of the men.

Shorty was the first one to spot Adam. “Clem,” he whined. “He ain’t dead.”

Clem looked up and cursed.

Joe looked confused. “Adam, do you know these fellows?”

“Yeah, I’ve had the pleasure of their company.”

“Adam, them the ones?” Hoss whispered.

Adam nodded.

“What’s going on?” Joe hopped off Cochise.

“I came up on these yahoos trying to steal a cow. One of them got the jump on me, tied me up, and left me out here.”

“Oh no, mister. We tried to hang ya. We wasn’t gonna to leave ya out here alive.” Shorty offered helpfully.

“Thank you for reminding me,” Adam answered sarcastically.

“Tried to hang you?” Joe looked at Adam. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, Joe, I’m fine.”

“It was close, but I got to him in time.” Hoss said slapping Adam on the back. “Let’s get these desperados back to camp. We can take them to the sheriff in the morning.”

As Joe led the men back to camp, Adam and Hoss brought up the rear.

“Thanks, Hoss.”

“I’m just glad I found you.”

“No, I mean about not telling Joe. It would take too long to live down.”

“Yeah, it would.” Hoss chuckled at the thought. “We’ll just keep that our li’l secret, older brother.”

 

The End
June 2009