Summary:  Each of the four Cartwrights has a different slant on an incident to tell the local barber
Rating:   G  (4,240 words)

Barbershop Quartet

People call me Frederick and when they’re formal Mr Harrington, but mostly I’m just known as Fred.  I don’t hold for no ceremony usually, can’t afford to in my line of work really. After all, what’s so formal about a Barber Shop?  Especially one in this town. Virginia City ain’t nothing special that’s for sure, although some folks tend to think they are.  Reckon they’d think that no matter where they lived of course.  Every town has its particular mix of people and Virginia City is no different to any other.

There are the folks who are friendly and always ready to go out of their way to smile and be polite, there are those who are always too busy and then there are those who are downright mean or full of their own importance.  But one thing’s for sure.  No matter which category they come under everyone one of them at some stage find themselves in my chair.  And once they’re there the conversations start to come.  

There’s something about a Barber’s chair that seems to encourage customers to talk.  Whether it’s the informality of it all or whether it’s because they relax and let their hair down (that’s one of the great jokes I usually share with new customers) they seem to want to tell me all sorts of things once I get them in that chair.

Take yesterday for example.  Such a mixed group of people I had in here, all with a story to tell.  It seemed like there wasn’t a spare minute of the day when I wasn’t listening to someone tell me about something that had happened to them.  And of course I listened to it all.  If they only knew what was in my head!  Oh the stories I could tell if they’d only let me get a word in edgeways.

Today was a prime example of just how varied my days can be.  Take the Cartwright family for instance.  The four of them came in one after the other, each with a different perspective on what was happening around town.  The Cartwrights are always interesting to talk to. They know just about everything that’s going on in this town I guess, probably just as much as I do, and I always enjoy my chats with them. Particularly today after the stories that have been going around town about Dave Gurney.

‘Hi Fred,’ said Hoss as he plonked himself down in the chair. ‘How ya been?’

‘Fine,’ I answered as I put the towel around him.  ‘Your usual?’

‘Yeah.’

Hoss always wanted the same thing.  ‘Just a trim,’ he’d always say. ‘Just tidy it up a bit.’  That was Hoss.  No fuss and no bother.  Just in and out of the chair as quickly as possible, not really caring what he looked like afterwards. He’s so different to his two brothers in that respect. Not into appearance at all. For such a big man he sure has a way about him though that makes you think of him as a friend no matter how long you’ve known him for.  He’s such an easygoing character I don’t think he’d care what I did to his hair.  

‘I saw Dave Gurney in the saloon last night,’ I said casually to see if he’d pick up on it. ‘He was real upset about what happened.’

Hoss frowned. ‘Yeah I spose he would be,’ he said. ‘He’d been working on The Ponderosa fer a long time ya know.’ I nodded sympathetically. ‘Pa had a real hard time deciding what ta do about it.’

‘So why did he fire him?’ I asked.

‘Drinking on the job,’ said Hoss sadly. ‘Woulda thought he’d have more sense I reckon.  It’s not like he hadn’t been warned before after all.’

‘Your Pa wouldn’t take kindly to that,’ I agreed. 

‘Neither does Adam,’ he said. ‘That older brother of mine is a stickler for the rules.’

‘Well I guess he has to be,’ I said. ‘After all when you run a ranch the size of The Ponderosa you have to be real careful. Your Pa would agree with him no doubt’

He nodded. ‘Guess so,’ he said. ‘I just feel sorry fer Dave is all.  I mean it’s one thing to enforce rules, but it’s another when the man is someone ya know well.’  I waited for him to continue. ‘I dunno,’ he sighed. ‘I guess there’s no easy answer to it all. Little Joe is sure upset about it all.  Him and Dave were close ya know.’

‘Yeah.  I used to see them around town sometimes.  Guess he’ll miss him.’

Hoss nodded. ‘Reckon so.  He and Pa argued about it all last night.  Adam too.’

‘Not you?’

Nah.  What’s the point of arguing about it?  What’s done is done and I reckon Pa and Adam know what they’re doing.’

‘Reckon Joe doesn’t agree with you though.’

‘You know my little brother.  Always ready to go off half-cocked before he knows the whole story.  I reckon there’s things about Dave that he wouldn’t believe anyway.  Don’t know if I believe them really, to tell the truth.’

‘What things?’ I asked. 

He squirmed in the chair, obviously uncomfortable with the question. ‘Oh just things,’ he finally said. ‘I reckon Pa and Adam were trying ta protect Joe in a way.’

I nodded.  It was well known to everyone just how the youngest Cartwright was.  The others were always trying to pick up the pieces after him and protect him from his own foolishness.

‘Well whatever happened, I’m sure your Pa did what he thought was best,’ I said. I suspect that the drinking on the job was just an excuse to fire him, and I was itching to know the real reason.

‘I reckon so,’ he answered, still not obviously sure. 

He smiled into the mirror as the door opened and his older brother Adam walked in. I smiled too.  Maybe he would be willing to give me more information than his brother had. 

‘Hi there older brother,’ said Hoss with one of his likeable gap-toothed smiles. ‘Fancy seeing you in here.’

Adam returned the smile.  It was obvious just how close these two brothers were. ‘Figured you’d need someone to get you out of that chair or you’d spend all day there talking,’ he replied before he turned to me. ‘Hello Fred.’

‘Well two Cartwrights in one day,’ I said. ‘How about that.’

‘Make it four,’ Adam replied. ‘I think Pa’s coming in later and bringing Joe as well.’ He sat down against the wall and put his hands behind his head as he watched me finish up.

Hoss stood up and patted his head.  ‘Thanks Fred,’ he said. ‘How about meeting me over at the Saloon later for a drink, older brother?’

‘Sure thing,’ said Adam and seated himself in the chair as Hoss left the shop.

Adam is a very particular man.  He likes his hair cut just so and spends quite a bit of time giving me instructions as to how it should look. I have a feeling that this young man is going to lose his hair quite early in life, as his hairline is already beginning to recede a little – but I’d never tell him that of course. Why worry him unduly?  After all it might never happen, and in the meantime it is very dark and thick. He is also an educated man.  He went back East to study at College a few years ago and has a very sharp mind and a quick wit.  I’ve heard it said that he’s not the sort of man to waste words, but like everyone else, get him that chair and he’s all mine.  The words just come spilling out like they do with everyone else.

‘Morning,’ I said as I placed the towel around him and then listened to his precise instructions as to how he wanted his hair cut.  I really don’t know why he bothers, as I’ve been cutting it for years and really know by now just what he wants, but it keeps him happy I suppose. After we got through the formalities I tried to find out a bit more about the episode on The Ponderosa yesterday.  As I thought might be the case, his version was clear and precise.

‘Your brother Hoss was in earlier,’ I said. ‘He was telling me about Dave Gurney finishing up on your place.’

Adam frowned. ‘Yes,’ he said curtly. 

‘Must have been a difficult thing for your Pa to do,’ I said pleasantly. ‘It sure wouldn’t be easy to fire anyone who’d been working for you for a while like he had.’

‘Better to fire him now than have him cause trouble later,’ said Adam. ‘You never know what drinking on the job will cause to happen.’

‘I suppose so,’ I said. ‘Only he’d been working for you a long time so it wouldn’t have been easy.’

Adam gave me one of his intense appraising stares. ‘It had to be done,’ he said simply. ‘Dave was becoming a bit of a problem if the truth be known.’

‘Really?’

‘Mmm.  Joe was a bit taken with him and you know how that could have turned out.’ I scratched my head and waited. ‘That young brother of mine always seems to get himself caught up with the wrong types.’

I frowned. ‘I thought Dave Gurney had worked on The Ponderosa for quite a while, ‘ I said. ‘Seems to me like you’d have been quite friendly by now.’

‘I know him well if that’s what you mean,’ said Adam thoughtfully. ‘As for being friendly, well……… just because someone works for you doesn’t mean you have to be friends with them.’

I knew exactly what he meant.  Adam would never have let his guard down enough to cross that line between employer and employee.  He would always make it clear to anyone working for him exactly who was in charge even though he would treat them fairly.  They would be left in no doubt as to who was the boss.  Different to his two brothers, I suspected, who would have worked alongside the men and become like one of them. Besides, I didn’t think that Dave Gurney was really his type of friend.   

From what I had seen of him around town, Dave tended toward the wild side and Adam was definitely not that. The eldest Cartwright son was quite a sedate character if the truth be known, and would never have become involved in or approved of the shenanigans that Dave had been involved in.  I suspected that it was Adam’s influence that had caused Mr Cartwright to sack him.  He would have been acutely aware of what had been going on and wouldn’t have wanted Dave’s influence on The Ponderosa.  Adam ran a clean operation and expected others to comply with it. He had little patience with those who didn’t, as they often got in the way of the job at hand.

I suppose he was right.  After all, Dave Gurney was known as a troublemaker around town.  I suspected that sacking him for drinking on the job might have been an excuse as for as Adam was concerned.  Perhaps it was a convenient reason for getting rid of him for the sake of his younger brother.  Those Cartwrights are sure protective of that Little Joe!  Not that anyone could blame them though really, for what I knew of that youngest Cartwright he sure needed protecting. I suspect that his family didn’t know half of what he got up to…..which was probably just as well. Judging by the rumour I had heard, Mr Cartwright would have half killed the boy if he knew the extent of the trouble he got himself into.

My curiosity got the better of me. ‘So what’s he done then?  I mean apart from the drinking?’

Adam gave me one of his intense stares and I thought for a moment that he wasn’t going to let on, but the chair did its work and the words came spilling out without any trouble. ‘Well you must have noticed what he’s like around town?’ he said.

I nodded. ‘Yes.  There’s been quite a bit of talk about the amount of money he’s been losing in those poker games at the Bucket of Blood.’

‘Precisely,’ said Adam smugly. ‘And my youngest brother has been right there beside him!’

Now I got it!  Ben Cartwright would definitely not have approved of his youngest son gambling away his wages and probably more besides.  ‘So the drinking was just the excuse for firing him eh?’ I asked.

Adam stroked his chin as I took the towel away.  ‘He was fired because he drank on the job,’ he said giving me a stern look.  I knew that he wouldn’t admit to anything else.

‘Of course,’ I said.  ‘But it’s good to get him away from Joe too isn’t it?’

He smiled at me but didn’t answer.  Instead he carefully examined his hair in the mirror from all angles before he stood up.  That was Adam, always careful about everything.  Now that his haircut was over I felt the shutters coming down on him again.

‘Thanks Fred,’ he said as he paid me. ‘I’ll see you later.  Tell my Pa when he gets here later that I’ll be in the International House Dining Room for lunch if he wants to join me will you please?’

‘Sure,’ I said.  As he left the shop I thought about what he’d said.  It didn’t bother me that he hadn’t confirmed my suspicions.  I knew his brother would later.  That youngest Cartwright boy just couldn’t keep a thing to himself and in my chair he would spill his guts about the event.  I smiled to myself as I washed my combs and scissors.

Mr Cartwright came in next with young Joe.  It’s not often I get to see the youngest Cartwright in my shop because for some reason he doesn’t like getting a haircut.  It’s always been like that since he was a little boy and I remember his father having to practically hold him down in the chair while Joe shook his head from side to side and made my job as difficult as he could. Many a time he got a tanning right then and there in front of me, but it never seemed to stop him.  Even now Mr Cartwright usually comes in with him to make sure that he actually makes it inside and gives instructions about how to cut his hair.

‘Afternoon Fred.  How are you today?’

‘Fine thanks Mr Cartwright. Haircut for you?’

‘Yes I need a bit of a trim.  But I’d like you to do Joseph first if you don’t mind.  I’ll be back in a while when he’s done.’  He motioned for the youngster to sit in the chair, which he did so grudgingly. I noticed that his hat was pulled down over his face and I wondered why.

‘Your son Adam was in earlier,’ I said.  ‘He said he’s at the International House if you want lunch with him.’

‘Thank you,’ replied Mr Cartwright. ‘I’ll be back for a haircut after lunch then.’  He put his finger up at his son as he looked at his reflection in the mirror. ‘And you young man are to join us as soon as you are finished here. I don’t want to hear of you going anywhere else.  Understood?’

Joe glared at him. ‘Understood,’ he said in a low voice.

‘Cut his hair short please Fred,’ Mr Cartwright said. ‘Take no notice of what this young man tells you.’  His remark earned a scowl from his youngest son who slumped down in the chair with a dramatic sigh.  After what his older brothers had told me about the arguments that had taken place the night before I didn’t doubt that the boy was still unhappy with his father and it showed clearly. He glared at his back as he left the shop.

As soon as Mr Cartwright had left, Joe sat up again and smiled at me. ‘Don’t cut it too short will ya Fred?’

I made no comment, but watched as he removed his hat to reveal a black eye. ‘What happened to you?’ I asked, staring at him.

He shrugged his shoulders. ‘Fight,’ he said. ‘Just a trim will do Fred.’

I took no notice of him and began to cut it as his father had instructed.  After all Mr Cartwright was the one paying for it! I smiled at him in the mirror. ‘So what have you been up to Joe?’

‘Nuthin.’

‘Except the fight,’ I said. I looked at him in the mirror.  ‘I heard about Dave Gurney,’ I said. ‘Must be hard on you, being a friend of his and all.’

He looked up at me. ‘It shouldn’t have happened,’ he said in an angry tone. ‘Pa had no right to do it.’

‘I guess your Pa knows what he’s doing,’ I said.

‘Hmm.  Well I don’t think so.  Dave didn’t do anything wrong.’

‘I heard tell he’d been drinking.’

‘Yeah, well everyone makes mistakes.  There was no reason to fire him for Pete’s sake.’

I noticed how angry he seemed to be.  ‘I take it you don’t agree with what he did then?’

‘Do I sound like I do? Why should I agree with something when it’s wrong? Pa had no right to do it.’

‘No?’

He looked a bit abashed. ‘Well I guess he did, but it still doesn’t make it right. I think he only used it as an excuse to get rid of him.’

‘Why would he do that?’ I asked already sure of the answer.

‘Cause he didn’t like me hanging around with him I guess,’ he replied.  ‘Hey, that’s short enough!’

I continued to ignore him and kept cutting. ‘Well considering you probably got that black eye fighting alongside of him I’m not surprised,’ I ventured. ‘I guess your Pa doesn’t like you gambling and fighting in public.’

‘He doesn’t think I’m old enough to look after myself,’ the boy declared. ‘None of them do! Who said anything about gambling anyways?’

I shrugged my shoulders, not wanting him to know that I’d been discussing him with his brothers. ‘I heard talk around town,’ I said.

‘Yeah, well I’m old enough to gamble if I want to.  It’s no one else’s business!’  he declared angrily.

‘I guess your Pa thinks it’s his business huh?’ I said.

‘Hey!  I said that’s enough!’ he tried to pull his head away, but I pushed it back again. 

‘Sit still!’ I ordered.  ‘Do you want to end up with it all lopsided?’

He glared at me. ‘Just even it up,’ he said. ‘Don’t take any more off the length.’

I shook my head. His hair was extremely thick and wavy and was quite difficult to cut because of it.  He never did anything to help make it easier!  ‘So what was the fight about?’  I asked casually, hoping to focus him on something other than his hair.

‘Nothin much,’ he said. ‘Just an argument over money really. Some folks around here think they know everything when it comes to poker.’

‘You being one of them?’  I couldn’t risk having a dig at him.  Everyone knew that he was a terrible poker player.  I had no doubt that if he had got himself into a fight over money it was probably due to some winnings that he thought were rightfully his.

‘I know enough to know when people cheat on me that’s for sure!’ he declared. ‘Just as well Dave was around to help!’

‘So that’s what the fight was about then?’

‘I’m surprised you haven’t heard about it.  Pa’s real mad cause everyone’s talking about it this morning.’

‘Your Pa gets mad with you a lot it seems.’

He didn’t answer, but shrugged his shoulders. I took the towel off him and he stood up like a shot. ‘Thanks,’ he said, moving towards the door as if I was about to attack him with the scissors again. ‘Pa’ll pay for it when he comes in later.’

I nodded. ‘Sure,’ I said. I was used to Mr Cartwright picking up the bill for his youngest boy.  The other two always paid for themselves, but never Joe.  He seemed to think that was his father’s job. I watched him wander down the street as I shook out the towel and smiled to myself as I realised that he was headed in the opposite direction to the International House.  It seemed that the youngest Cartwright was bound and determined to get himself into trouble at every turn.

Later that afternoon Mr Cartwright entered the shop. ‘Sorry I’m late Fred,’ he said. ‘I would have been here much earlier, but I’ve spent the past hour and a half trying to track down that youngest boy of mine.’ He shook his head as he sat in the chair.

‘ No problem,’ Mr Cartwright,’ I said. ‘I wasn’t going anywhere.’  I began to comb out his sidepieces.  For a man of his years, he certainly has very luxurious hair.  It was the most beautiful shade of silver and he wore it with the sides swept back.  For as long as I could remember he had worn it so.  It gave him an imposing look. 

‘Joe take off on you again did he?’ I asked.  It was a regular occurrence in Virginia City and all the shopkeepers knew to keep an eye out to watch his movements so that when Mr Cartwright came looking for him he would at least have a starting point to go from.

‘He certainly did,’ he said angrily. ‘I don’t think that boy could obey me even if he tried.  Which I can assure you he doesn’t!’

I laughed.  I was sure that young Joe had contributed to every one of his father’s silver hairs.  The man probably had a beautiful head of black hair before that youngster was born. ‘He was telling me about the trouble he got into last night,’ I ventured. I was interested to hear Mr Cartwright’s perspective on the matter. ‘Sounds like him and that Dave Gurney caused a bit of a ruckus around town.’

Mr Cartwright closed his eyes for a moment. ‘Fred, sometimes I wonder just what I’m going to do with that boy,’ he said. ‘It’s as if he was born to make my life difficult.’

‘He’s just young,’ I said as I snipped away.

‘Young he may be, but there’s no excuse for the gambling and fighting he’s been getting up to lately.  I think he’s hanging around with the wrong kind.’

‘I heard Dave Gurney has been sacked,’ I said carefully. I didn’t want him to think that I was prying into his business.

‘Exactly,’ he replied. ‘If there’s a troublemaker around that son of mine will find him and attach himself to him.  Those two are better off apart.’

‘So you sacked him to get him away from Joe?’ I asked without thinking.

He looked at me sternly. ‘No.  He was sacked for drinking on the job,’ he said. ‘But it doesn’t hurt to keep him away from Joe either.’ He thought for a moment. ‘An added bonus if you know what I mean.’

I nodded. I certainly did know what he meant.  ‘I guess you’d be a bit easier about things now that he’s not around any more. Easier to keep young Joe in line?’

He smiled. ‘Somehow I don’t think anything could keep that youngest boy of mine in line for very long Fred.  If there’s a way to make trouble, then he’ll find it. I’m sure he spends his every waking moment thinking up how to get into mischief.  Take this afternoon for instance.  No sooner had I finished telling him to stay away from the Bucket of Blood than he’s back there again instead of meeting me for lunch.  Just as well I’ve got Adam and Hoss to look out for him as well.’  

I nodded as I removed the towel from around him. ‘Thanks Fred,’ he said. ‘I suppose I owe you for Joseph as well?’ I nodded my assent. ‘If the boy didn’t gamble away his wages on a regular basis he might have some money once in a while,’ he said as he handed over a few dollars. ‘Here you go.’

‘See you later Mr Cartwright,’ I said and watched him leave the shop. Across the street his boys waited for him, Joe wedged in between Hoss and Adam who had a firm grip on his shoulder.  The boy seemed to arguing with them about something and suddenly Hoss reached across and hit him on the side of the head.

I laughed as Mr Cartwright joined the group and grabbed his youngest by the neck before propelling him towards his horse and pointing to it. I didn’t need to hear his words to know what was being said. As they mounted up and turned their horses down the street I wondered just what the youngest Cartwright had done this time.  As I cleaned my scissors I thought about how boring this town might be without that particular family.  They certainly brought an interesting twist to an otherwise ordinary day.  

The End