Summary: Hoss’s plans end up backfiring when he plots revenge against a “foul” adversary

Rated: Family Friendly / Word count: 4900

 

Moby Duck

“And where do you think you’re going?” Joe whispered coming up behind his older brother.

“Joe, what are you tryin’ to do, scare me to death?” Hoss answered clutching his chest tightly.

“Well, it serves you right for sneaking around in the middle of the night.”

“Shh,” Hoss whispered frantically. “You want to wake everybody up? Come on.”

Hoss waved for his eleven year old brother to follow him down the stairs. He headed straight for the gun rack and carefully lifted a rifle, then quietly opened the drawer where the extra bullets were kept. Little Joe watched wide eyed as Hoss stuffed his pockets full of ammunition.

“Where are you going?” he squeaked. “And what do you need that rifle for?”

“I’m goin’ to get him, Joe,” was Hoss’s only answer but it was enough to let Little Joe know what he had in mind.

“Well, I’m going with you.”

“No, Joe, it’s too dangerous. You know what he’s like. I have to do this alone.”

Little Joe laid a small hand on his brother’s large arm and answered, “We’re brothers, Hoss. I want to help.”

Hoss paused for a moment in consideration and then slowly nodded his head.

“All right, but keep close to me. Hopefully, we can be done and back before Pa or Adam wakes up.”

Little Joe grabbed his squirrel rifle and together the two boys crept noiselessly out the front door.

Inside the barn, the pair worked quickly and quietly to saddle their horses. It was just after midnight and Hoss knew that if they were caught out at this time of night, with rifles no less, that no amount of explaining would keep them out of trouble. The idea of his Pa catching them was almost enough to make him turn back to the house, but this was a matter of personal pride. Just the thought of what had happened the day before was enough to set his blood boiling.

“Let’s go,” he told Joe as he mounted and headed for the pond that had been the stage for his public humiliation.

The previous morning…

Hoss Cartwright stood in front of the shaving mirror in his older brother’s room. He had to check one last time to make sure his string tie looked just right. He quickly looked over his shoulder to make sure he was still alone and then opened the bottle of cologne Adam was so fond of. He sniffed it appreciatively and had just finished applying a bit when he heard what he knew was his brother clearing his throat behind him.

“Oh, hey, Adam,” he said sheepishly. “I was just uh…”

“Uh, huh, sure you were,” Adam answered, crossing the room and taking the bottle from Hoss. “You know, if you had asked I would have been glad to let you use some.”

Hoss looked at the floor downcast and shrugged.

“I know, Adam, I’m sorry.”

Adam set the bottle on the dresser then with a grin on his face said, “So, who’s the girl?”

Hoss’s head snapped up and he stared hard at his brother. This was the first time he had ever had any real feelings for a girl and he didn’t want to be teased.

“I don’t think you’d know her.”

“I’ll never know unless you tell me. Come on, Hoss, I’ll keep it a secret if that’s what you want.”

“Ethel Cambridge,” he said softly after a moment.

Adam gave a low whistle.

“The new banker’s daughter?”

Hoss sighed. He should have known that Adam would have already heard of the pretty young girl. Hoss had first met her a few weeks ago when he was in town with his father. He had been waiting for him in front of the local hotel when he saw her come out of the bank. The first thing he had noticed was her glorious mane of golden hair that hung freely, cascading down her back All the girls he had ever seen before wore their hair pinned up or in braids. He liked the way it looked loose and soft around her shoulders.

The second thing he noticed was that he had not been the first fellow to notice her. His whole body tensed as he saw Hugh Stevens approach the girl from behind. Hugh had a reputation when it came to girls and Hoss unconsciously took up the duty of body guard. He watched as Hugh tapped her on the shoulder and she spun around to face him. He couldn’t hear what Hugh was saying but apparently it was something crude as the young girl promptly slapped his face. She was just turning to leave when Hugh reached out and grabbed her arm. Hoss was at her side in a moment and Hugh hit the ground hard after receiving a solid punch. The boy knew better than to tangle with Hoss Cartwright and had wisely stalked off.

“How can I ever thank you, sir?” she’d asked, taking his now sore hand and stroking it gently.

Hoss looked into the most beautiful pair of blue eyes he had ever seen and for once found himself able to speak instead of getting tongue tied.

“I’d be pleasured if you’d just call me Hoss ma’am,” he’d answered.

“Well, Hoss,” she replied sweetly. “Then I insist you call me Ethel.”

That had been the beginning of a beautiful friendship and over the next couple of weeks Hoss had managed to come up with just about every conceivable excuse possible to go into town.

Now the day of the church’s annual fund raising picnic had come and his pocket book was weighted down with the full sum of money he had managed to earn over the summer. He was determined to win Ethel’s picnic basket at the auction. That way he would be assured of her company throughout the day.

“Well, you sure know how to pick them,” Adam said bringing Hoss out of his reverie. “I wish you luck, little brother.”

Adam sauntered out of the room with Hoss right on his heels. His Pa and Little Joe were already waiting in the buggy when they got out to the front yard.

“Let’s go,” said Ben impatiently. “We’ve got a picnic to get to.”

They arrived at the large pond their property line shared with a long time neighbor early, which had been the plan, in order to help set up tables and a small stand where the auction would take place. Hoss had just picked up a rather heavy beam when he heard a sound that caused him to cringe. Spinning around toward the pond he saw the creature that was soon to become his nemesis. An enormous duck had just waddled up onto the shore and it let out an ear piercing shriek that in no way could be compared to a duck’s usual quack. Hoss immediately noticed the bird’s unusual coloring. It was snow white from the top of its head to the bottom of its webbed feet. It’s most eerie feature however were its eyes. They were red and seemed to bore right through his skin as it gazed on him.

“Ugly little thing,” he thought to himself as he turned back to his work.

Hoss delivered the beam and turned to get another when suddenly he tripped over something, and ended up sprawled on the ground. A flash of white caught his attention, and if he hadn’t known better he would have sworn the animal was cackling as it waddled back toward the pond.

A little while later he was delivering a bucket of nails when he noticed a small shadow keeping pace with his own. Sure enough the duck was at his side. Hoss eyed it warily and tried to step away but it continued to move along with him.

“Somethin’ not quite right about that bird,” he said to himself.

He began darting to and fro and even turned around back the other way, but he couldn’t shake the creature.

“Hoss, quit playing around and bring those nails over here,” his older brother called.

Hoss turned back toward the stand when suddenly, with no provocation, the duck charged him, flapping its wings and shrieking terribly.

Hoss dropped the nails and ran for the nearest tree. Much to his dismay by the time he peeked around from behind its solid trunk the duck was back in the water and his brother and a couple of other men were having a laugh at his expense.

“Dad-burn it,” he muttered as he stomped back to retrieve the nails.

He grabbed the bucket and reached for the fallen objects. His back was to the pond which was a mistake he would not soon forget. A second later he let out a tremendous howl, for the bird had come up from behind and latched soundly onto the seat of his pants. Try as he might Hoss couldn’t quite reach the creature and began running in circles trying to shake it off, giving an occasional yelp of pain. The duck persistently held on flapping its wings.

Most of the men had stopped working to enjoy the scene and were roaring with laughter. Little Joe trying to come to his rescue had grabbed a board and swung wildly at the duck. The duck let loose at just the right moment and when the board made contact it was only to the seat of his brother’s pants. Hoss stood for a moment rubbing his sore behind.

“Gee, Hoss, I’m sorry,” Little Joe giggled.

“Yeah, I’m sure you are,” Hoss answered.

“Hoss, are you alright?” his father asked placing his arm around his son’s shoulder and working hard to hold back a smile.

“I’ll be just fine, Pa, as soon as I get my gun,” Hoss answered turning menacingly toward the pond.

“Now hold on there, young man,” Ben answered. “If you want to go hunting, you’ll wait for a day when there aren’t so many people around.”

“Yeah, Hoss,” Adam said walking up to his red-faced brother, “you just stay away from the duck and everything should be fine.”

“Well, I’ll tell you,” Hoss answered, “that ornery critter better just stay away from me or he’s gonna end up bein’ my breakfast!”

As they moved off Hoss decided to take his brother’s advice literally and wandered over to where the men were setting up tables for the food that was to come. Every once in a while a man would chuckle as they saw him glance cautiously toward the pond. Each time he looked the duck seemed to be staring straight back at him, sending icy chills up and down his spine.

Finally, people started to arrive and Hoss forgot all about the menace on the water. The festivities began with the auction and Hoss was pleased that he had brought such a large sum of money, for the beautiful Ethel Cambridge, and her basket, was a much coveted prize. He and Hugh had battled it out until Hugh had run out of money. Hoss paid the auctioneer and was rewarded with a kiss on the cheek from the bearer of the basket.

“I’m so glad you won,” Ethel said giving him a warm smile.

Hoss spread out the blanket she had brought near the pond, and watched as she unpacked a delicious looking lunch.

“This egg salad is a special recipe handed down from my grandmother,” she said handing him a plate of sandwiches.

Hoss finished the delicate sandwich in two bites and nodded his head in satisfaction. Ethel turned back to the basket as Hoss reached for another sandwich. There was a sudden streak of white as the duck rushed past grabbing the sandwich from his hand.

“You dad-burned ornery critter,” he yelled jumping up.

“Why Hoss Cartwright,” exclaimed Ethel spinning around to face him, “Whatever is the matter?”

“Oh. . .uh. . .nothin’. Just thought I saw somethin’ was all.”

Hoss looked around for the duck for a few moments before he finally sat back down. Apparently the duck had been right behind him because when he sat down it was on a nice squishy pile the bird had left for him.

“Dad-blame it,” he said rolling his eyes.

“Hoss, if you don’t like the sandwiches just say so. You don’t have to eat them you know.”

“Oh, no, Ethel,” he said quickly, “Them sandwiches are just wonderful. It’s just well. . . um. . .‘scuse me for just a moment.”

Hoss stood up and backed away slowly.

“I’ll be back in just a minute,” he said to Ethel who was beginning to look quite irritated.

Hoss ducked behind a tree and scanned the area for his younger brother. Luckily, he was close by trying to catch a lizard with his friend Mitch.

“Psst. . .Joe,” Hoss whispered.

Joe looked around and spotting Hoss trotted over.

“Whatcha doing behind this tree, Hoss?” Little Joe asked, “Aren’t you supposed to be eatin’ lunch with some old girl?”

“Yeah, but I sat in some stuff, Joe. I need you to help me get it off.”

Hoss turned around and tried to ignore his younger brother’s giggles. Joe took out his handkerchief and did the best he could in making him presentable.

“Thanks, Joe,” Hoss said when he had finished, “Listen, can you and Mitch do me a favor?”

“Like what?” Joe asked skeptically.

“I need you two to get that duck that’s been botherin’ me.”

“Ah, Hoss, Mitch and me are in a race to see who can catch the most horny toads.”

“I’ll pay ya.”

“How much?”

“You catch that duck and keep him away from me til after the picnic and I’ll give each of you ten cents.”

Little Joe thought hard for a moment.

“Make it ten cents and a new handkerchief, and you’ve got a deal,” Joe said holding up the soiled hankie.

The two brothers shook hands and Hoss returned to his picnic in much better spirits. The rest of the meal was enjoyed with no further interruptions. Hoss asked Ethel to join him for a walk around the pond and taking his arm she graciously accepted. They had only walked for a few minutes when Hoss noticed some sort of commotion going on over by food tables.

Many of the ladies from the church had brought an assortment of desserts for people to buy. However, as Hoss observed, it was unlikely that anyone would be buying them now. In the middle of several broken tables and covered in a colorful array of sweet confections, were Little Joe, Mitch, and a large white duck. Hoss cringed as his father grabbed Little Joe’s arm and started to escort him toward their buggy.

“Uh. . .Ethel,” Hoss stammered, “I’ve got to go see to something for just a moment…”

“Hoss, if I didn’t know any better I’d almost think you don’t want to be with me today. You left me once during lunch and then spent the rest of the time staring out at the pond and now you want to leave again? Well, if you do then don’t bother coming back.”

She folded her delicate arms and turned her mouth up into a little pout. Hoss thought she looked absolutely adorable. He glanced over in his brother’s direction again and could see him trying in vain to plead his case with his father.

“Dad-burn it, Little Joe,” he thought to himself, “I’m just gonna have to owe you one.”

Out loud he said, “Now just calm yourself, Miss Ethel, there’s nothing I’d rather do than spend time with you.”

She gave him a smile that melted his heart and the two continued their walk. Hoss felt more than a little bit guilty over leaving his brother to suffer for what he had started but someday Joe would understand about how it was with girls. At least he hoped he would.

“Oh, Hoss, look,” exclaimed Ethel pointing toward the water, “doesn’t that look like fun?”

Hoss turned and saw several young couples out on the pond in small rowboats and gulped. He had only been out rowing a few times and he hadn’t had the best experience during any of those times. His size usually ended up working against him and he would end up in the water instead of on top of it. He looked back at Ethel and from the excited sparkle he saw in her eyes he knew that she wouldn’t be taking no for an answer.

Hoss led Ethel over to the boats and paid for twenty minutes worth of time. He sighed as he tucked away the small amount of money he had left. This day was going to end up emptying his savings.

He anxiously glanced out at the water and was happy to find no sign of duck. He managed to get himself and Ethel out on the water with almost no difficulty and couldn’t stop a proud grin from spreading across his face. The day was beautiful, with the sun shining brightly, and a cool breeze blowing gently. Hoss watched mesmerized as Ethel’s long golden hair fluttered in the breeze. She was breathtakingly beautiful and he was in his glory.

“Excuse me,” he said as they passed close by another small boat.

He did a double take when he saw that the occupant was Adam with the young girl whose picnic basket he had won. His older brother gave him an encouraging wink and Hoss puffed out his chest as he took a few long strokes to pull further out on the pond.

“My, Hoss,” Ethel beamed, “You’re so strong.”

“Ah, it’s nothin’,” he answered, turning red.

That was the first and last time that he would feel like a man in the presence of Ethel Cambridge. Moments later Hoss heard a horrifyingly familiar screech. He jerked around looking for the creature he knew belonged to that sound.

“Not now,” he prayed.

“Hoss, what are you doing?” Ethel gasped.

Hoss turned to answer her and saw the mangy bird swimming dangerously close to the fingers Ethel had trailing in the water.

“Look out!” he shouted and stood up quickly.

The boat rocked violently and Ethel screamed as she grabbed onto the sides. Hoss froze and tried to distribute his weight evenly. That’s when he noticed the fiery red eyes of the duck fastened on him.

“Don’t you dare,” he said threateningly.

“Hoss, what are you talking about?” Ethel asked
sounding on the verge of tears.

“I’m talking about that no good. . .flea-bitten. . . worthless…”

As if the bird could understand every word being said it squawked and flapped its wings before finally making a wild flight straight into Hoss’s belly. Hoss made a desperate grab at the animal but as the boat tipped and he hit the water the only thing in his hands were a few white feathers.

“Help!” Ethel screamed.

“It’s okay, Ethel, I’ll get you,” Hoss answered swimming toward the flailing young woman.

“Don’t you come near me,” she sputtered and continued to scream for help.

Hoss came up behind her and tried to get hold but she wasn’t having any help from him.

“I said don’t touch me,” she screamed as she went under once again.

In the end it was Adam who came to the young girl’s rescue. He lifted her smoothly out of the water into his own boat and rowed her back to shore, leaving Hoss to swim back on his own. Adam had tried his best not to laugh but Hoss could hear him chuckling all the way back to the shore.

By the time Hoss crawled out of the water he was exhausted and every inch of his body was covered in mud. His father greeted him and offered a hand to help him up. Hoss rubbed the dirt and water from his eyes and looked around. It seemed as if everyone at the picnic was staring straight at him.

“Just go to the buggy, son,” Ben said giving him a sympathetic glance.

Hoss tried to straighten himself up and walk away with his head held high but at just that moment the duck gave a loud shriek from out on the pond and he jumped about three feet. That was all it took for the crowd to explode with laughter.

“Dad-burn it,” he grumbled as he stalked to the wagon with his head hung low.

He chanced one last longing look in Ethel’s direction and the icy glare she gave him before turning away caused his heart to sink. Her glare was nothing compared to what he received when he got to the buggy however. Little Joe sat with his arms crossed looking miserable and dejected. Suddenly, Hoss wished he had never even heard the word picnic.

“Hey, Joe,” he said softly, “I don’t blame you for hatin’ me.”

Little Joe looked slightly surprised by his statement. He stayed quiet for a moment but then sighed and uncrossed his arms.

“Gee, Hoss, I don’t hate you.”

Hoss gave him a small grin and slid in next to him. He wished Pa would hurry and say his goodbyes so he could get out of his wet clothes.

“I’m sorry you got into trouble,” he told Joe after a moment.

“That’s okay. Anyhow, I got off easy on account of all the people around watching. Pa just said I had to sit in the buggy until it’s time to go.”

“Well, I’m sorry you had to sit in the buggy instead of playing with Mitch. Hey, where is Mitch anyway?”

“Oh, well, his Pa didn’t let him off so easy and they left.”

Hoss groaned, “Guess I’m gonna owe him too.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about me, Hoss,” Joe comforted, “I’ve been sittin’ here licking all the sugar off me from them desserts. I just finished when you fell in the pond . I hope you won’t get mad for me sayin’ so but I’m kind of glad you did fall ‘cause I wouldn’t have wanted to sit here much longer.”

Ben finally made his way back to the buggy and left with his two youngest sons. It was a long ride to the Ponderosa, as they had to listen to him lecture them on proper behavior the entire way home. Adam had opted to hitch a ride home with one of his friends, which the two boys were grateful for, as they were dreading hearing his two cents worth on the day’s festivities.

Current time…

Hoss and Joe rode silently through the dark woods until they reached the pond. Hoss was usually a gentle soul but he had convinced himself that the creature he was after was pure evil.

“Joe, you sure you don’t want to change your mind and go back?”

“I’m sure, Hoss, I wanna get that duck as much as you do.”

When they were within sight of the pond Hoss stopped his horse and motioned for Joe to dismount.

“We’ll tie the horses here,” he whispered, “then we’ll sneak up on him.”

Joe nodded in agreement and a few minutes later the two crept along in the shadows toward the water.

“You see him?” Hoss whispered.

“Nope.”

Just then the full moon came out from behind a cloud and shone down brightly on the water. Almost as if providing a spotlight it shone its beams directly onto the large white duck floating along quietly.

“There he is,” Hoss pointed excitedly and taking careful aim with his gun.

He cocked the rifle and right then the duck lifted its head and turned in his direction. As if to say, “I know you’re there and I know what you’re planning to do.”

Hoss gulped and looked to Joe. Joe swallowed hard and met his gaze.

“You’d better do it now,” he whispered.

“Yeah,” Hoss nodded and before he could change his mind he raised his gun and fired.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Duck? For breakfast?” Ben questioned.

“Uh. . . yeah,” Hoss stuttered, glancing angrily at the kitchen.

“Well, that’s a little unusual isn’t it?” Ben continued.

Ben and his three boys sat around the table and had been slightly surprised to see Hop Sing bring out eggs, coffee, toast, and duck. Hoss had hoped Hop Sing would wait to serve it until supper and looked anxiously over at Joe.

“This. . . uh. . . wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain albino duck from the picnic yesterday would it?” Adam questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“Picnic?” Hoss questioned casually.

“Yes, picnic,” Ben repeated, “Hoss, where did this bird come from?”

Hoss looked desperately at Joe who gave him a helpless shrug.

“Joseph, what do you know about this?” Ben asked his youngest.

“I don’t know much, Pa,” Joe answered, giving his Pa a charming smile.

“Why don’t you just tell me how much you do know,” Ben added looking back and forth between Little Joe and Hoss.

Inch by inch and word by word he eventually managed to find out that the two boys had snuck out of the house at midnight, with their rifles, with plans to seek revenge on the white-winged menace.

“Now let me see if I have this straight,” Ben said folding his arms and leveling his gaze at Hoss, “You’re telling me you fired at the duck, missed and hit a steer?”

“That’s right, Pa,” Hoss answered miserably, looking over at Little Joe.

While it was true that Hoss’s shot had gone wide. It was actually Little Joe’s shot that followed soon after that had killed the steer. Neither of them had seen it grazing behind a large bush. Hoss figured he owed his younger brother for getting him in trouble yesterday, and had agreed to take the blame.

“And this steer you accidently shot just happened to belong to Mr. Gregor,” Ben continued relentlessly.

Hoss nodded and stared hard at the food on his plate.

“Look at me when I talk to you,” Ben snapped.

Hoss’s head shot up and he worked hard to keep his eyes focused on his father’s angry face. Little Joe had gone uncharacteristically quiet.

“Now,” Ben continued, “You said that you went over and talked to Mr. Gregor. How much is he going to want for that steer?”

Hoss couldn’t seem to swallow the lump in his throat so Ben turned menacingly toward Little Joe.

“Well?” he demanded.

“Um. . . well. . .Mr. Gregor said it weren’t no ordinary steer, Pa,” Joe stammered.

“Of course not,” Ben responded, “It would be too much to hope that my sons would shoot one of our neighbor’s ordinary steers.”

From across the table, Adam made a choking noise that sounded suspiciously like a laugh.

“It came all the way from some city called Wisconsin,” Joe continued.

“That would be a state, Joe,” Adam added helpfully.

“Joseph, how much?” Ben asked again, sending Adam a wilting glare.

“Five hundred dollars,” Joe mumbled.

“Five hundred dollars!” Ben roared.

Hoss never did manage to find his tongue before Ben
ordered him and Little Joe to their rooms to await sentencing. Getting up from the table, Hoss glared angrily at the plate of meat and suddenly wished he could eat every bit of it right then and there. That duck had cost him his money, his pride, and now probably his freedom as well.

“Wait a minute,” Adam said as his brother’s started to pass, “If you missed, how did the duck die?”

“Oh. . . well, uh. . . when the shot went off it sort of got scared and made a beeline for the shore. I guess it must have been kind of old or something ‘cause he waddled around in circles for a minute and then just sort of fell over.” Hoss answered

“It had heart attack?” Adam asked, trying to stifle his laughter.

Hoss gave Adam a look that said he had better not say another word and then, he and Joe made their way slowly up the stairs.

Ben sat at one end of the table in a huff, throwing out the occasional threat of some terrible punishment he planned to use on his two boys. Finally, he calmed down some and marched resolutely toward the stairs.

Adam watched as his father made his way up to his unfortunate brothers, then turned and pulled the plate of duck toward him.

“From hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee,” Adam recited as he harpooned the breast with his fork. He savored the succulent meat as he murmured a eulogy for the dead duck.

“Delicious.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over at the pond a small brown and white speckled duck sat forlornly on her nest. Her mate would never return. Underneath the warmth of her body were four eggs and she jumped suddenly at the movement beneath her. She stood to the side and watched as her offspring struggled to emerge from their shells. Unlike their mother all four chicks were a blinding white, except for their eyes, which were an eerie red. She waited anxiously to hear the first small peeps from her new babies. She didn’t have to wait long.

“Screech!”

The End