Summary: Hop Sing decides it’s time to quit! This story may be familiar to forum readers but I hope it will appeal to those newer members of Bonanzaworld who have yet to read it.

Rating:  G  (1,060 words)

 

A Bucketful of Trouble

 

“I quit!”

 

The four Cartwrights turned to look at their irate cook and stared at him disbelievingly.

 

“You quit?” Ben retorted in amazement. His black eyes widened as he stared into the face of the man he had known as a friend for so many years, “You quit?” he repeated as though it was essential to repeat the question just to make sure he had heard right in the first place.

 

“What for, Hop Sing?” Hoss asked with a slight tremor in his voice in case he wouldn’t like the reply. He blinked his blue eyes rapidly at the thought of countless days ahead without his favourite meals being served for him by this devoted friend.

 

“Yeah, what for this time?” Adam asked in the tone of voice that indicated he was bored with the whole thing and ‘wasn’t it time we just got on with breakfast’?

 

Hop Sing frowned and produced from behind his back a very dented and well used bucket.

 

“A bucket?” Joe rolled his eyes in disbelief, “You’re quitting because of a bucket?”

 

“Not ‘a bucket’” Hop Sing replied with a proud tilt of the chin “THE bucket.” (It wasn’t for nothing he was paying Miss Jones for private Elocution lessons.)

 

“THE Bucket?” the four men intoned as they each turned their attention upon the rather battered object that Hop Sing was holding aloft before them.

 

“Only bucket in whole of Ponderosa” Hop Sing declared, dropping it with a clang on the floor (actually on Ben’s foot but it ended up on the floor eventually).

 

“Only bucket? Shucks, no, Hop Sing, you gotta be wrong about thet.” Hoss shook his head, “There’s the bucket I use in the stable.” he paused as he thought of what he used the bucket for and bit his lip, “Yeah, there’s thet bucket.”

 

“Same bucket.” declared the increasingly irate cook.

 

“There’s the bucket in the out-house,” Adam smirked as he poured out the coffee with a determination to remain calm in a situation that was rapidly promising future chaos. “If you give that a real good scrub -”

 

“ADAM!” the other Cartwrights exclaimed in horror at the thought as they turned their eyes from the bucket to him, but he raised his eyes defiantly and was quietly vindicated when Hop Sing intoned

 

“Same bucket!”

 

“That is the same bucket – but – “ Hoss shook his head and leaned down to pick up the offending bucket. He looked at it closely, then nodded as he recognised it only too well, “Yeah, I see what you mean -” he went rather red and glanced nervously at his father, “It’s the same bucket.”

 

“Well, what about the bucket that’s in the barn?” Ben asked in a forced jovial kind of voice in the hope of deflecting any mental images the previous connection may have brought to the minds of his sons.

 

“Oh I – er – I forgot to bring that back from the river when I went fishing last week,” Joe stated sheepishly, “Sorry, Hop Sing.”

 

“Bucket from river I bling back.” Hop Sing scowled.

 

“Hop Sing, why can’t you just make do with one bucket?” Ben asked, “After all, a bucket is – just a bucket?”

 

“No it ain’t, Pa.” Hoss said quickly as he thought of the outhouse bucket and the stable bucket and what uses they were put to in the course of a day.

 

“I need more bucket. Mebbe three, mebbe foah.”

 

“Foah?” Hoss frowned, “Are you sure, Hop Sing?”

 

“Bucket needed for well. You bloke bucket when you fell in.” Hop Sing jabbed his finger at Hoss who gulped, recalling the shameful experience with a blush.

 

“Bucket needed for whitewash, outhouse need new whitewash.” Hop Sing jabbed his finger at Joe who raised his eyes to heaven and shivered at the prospect.

 

“Bucket needed for stable, for barn, for scullery and kitchen” Hop Sing glared at Adam who merely pursed his lips and stared down at his cup of coffee. “And need new bucket for jam.”

 

“Jam?” Hoss’ eyes lit up and his lips parted in a slow happy smile, “Did you say you were needing buckets for jam?”

 

“Plenty bucket, plenty jam” Hop Sing smiled widely.

 

“The that’s what you’ll get, Hop Sing” Hoss declared as he pulled his chair away from the table, “I’ll buy you every bucket they’ve got in the hardware store.”

 

Adam shook his head and sighed. He looked at Hop Sing thoughtfully,

 

“Are you still going to quit?”

 

“Mebbe”

 

Joe picked up the bucket and handed it back to Hop Sing, “Don’t forget your bucket, Hop Sing.”

 

“This bucket no good. Has hole in it.” Hop Sing declared gleefully and dropped it with cool contempt back onto the floor, “Hop Sing make foah journey from well to kitchen with water because of hole in bucket.”

 

They watched him return to the kitchen with his head erect with pride and a smile on his face. The front door snapped shut as Hoss closed it behind him. As he hurried to the stable to saddle up Chubb visions of gleaming glass jars full of jam floated before him … there would be strawberry jam (Hop Sing had a wonderfully well tended strawberry patch), and plum jam and blueberry jam. He licked his lips as he tightened the buckle of his gun belt and pictured himself ladling jam of various varieties on to Hop Sings delectable warm fresh bread.

 

Hop Sing watched from the kitchen window as Hoss galloped out of the stable and rounded the corner of the building to depart out of sight in a cloud of dust. He smiled and his dark eyes disappeared in the folds of his cheeks as he did so. He shuffled too and fro in the kitchen happily humming a little tune.

 

In the main room Adam gave the offending bucket a slight nudge with his foot,

 

“Someone should write a song about a hole in a bucket.” he observed to no one in particular.

 

“I thought someone already had,” Ben observed as he raised a cup of coffee to his lips. He paused. Then he set it back onto its saucer untouched and pushed it away.

 

The End