I never thought about love when I thought about home.

The National by Bloodbuzz Ohio

 

Her dainty fingers twisted in his hand and he felt lost for words. He’d always known how to fix most anything that needed fixing, but he didn’t know how to fix this.  He thought things were going well with Anna agreeing to dance with him, but then maybe he really was as clueless as Sally told him he was. Her hands had sat on her hips and just in case her face didn’t get her point across, her words had stung like a whole nest of bees.

“What would you know about anything, you … you oaf!”

Maybe he really didn’t know much at all. Anna pulled her fingers back from his grasp and she dabbed at her eyes with a lacy handkerchief.

“I’m sorry, Hoss. I didn’t mean to over-react like that. I’m so sorry.”

A tear slid down her cheek, followed by another and another. He swallowed a gulp of air and tried to think of something to say.

“It’s alright. I didn’t mean to make you cry, Miss Anna. I didn’t think that …”

Anna reached a hand out and laid it against his broad chest. It looked so small and fragile. Just like her really.

“Hoss … you didn’t do anything wrong. I promise. Sally was just being protective of me.”

Hoss chewed on his lip as he considered her words. He didn’t think she needed protecting from him, but then again, maybe Sally had just read it all wrong. It wouldn’t be the first time his size and clumsiness had been mistaken for something more menacing.

“I didn’t mean to scare you none.” He looked at his boots as his face flushed with remorse.

“You didn’t.”

Hoss looked up at her words and shook his head. “You sure looked scared to me.”

Anna raised her fingers to touch the side of his face and she smiled at his look of concern.

“It was nothing you did. It was …” How exactly did she explain years of fear that she thought she had left behind in Utah? How did she tell a wonderful man who had been nothing but kind to her, that a momentary flash of memory had caused a flood of fear that threatened to drop her to the floor?

Hoss waited as she seemed to be weighing up her words. Anna pulled her hand back and twisted her hands together as though steeling herself to speak.

“I know I haven’t been entirely forthcoming with you about myself. I was married once.” She held her breath as she waited for Hoss to turn and walk away. He was an honourable man and she’d kept huge secrets from him after all. When she dared look up, he was simply waiting, silently encouraging her to go on.

“I never thought about love when I thought about home.  My father arranged my marriage to a man with no idea what love is.”

As the dark truth slowly came out, Anna felt the fear finally losing its grip.