A world without heroes is like a world without sun, you can’t look up to anyone.

A World Without Heroes by Kiss (Lou Reed, Bob Ezrin, Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley)

 

The clock in the drawing room chimed the hour and he startled to realise how late it was. It had been hours since he sat down to read the letter, yet he had no recollection of the passage of time. As though the world had stopped turning.

Maybe he just wished it had.

The writing on the envelope was his father’s strong, looped style, but the words within seemed to be written by another hand. Less strong. Less defined. As his eyes skimmed the words, it soon became apparent why the words were somehow diminished. His father’s strong hand must have shaken as he penned the awful words to his eldest son.

Adam shifted from his seat and slowly paced across the room. His heart could not reconcile what his head knew to be true.

Hoss was gone.

His big, strong, ox of a brother was gone.

He found himself standing at the window, staring into the street below. Lamplighters had been past and done their job in the time he had sat at the desk, staring into the past. People strolled on the street below. Young lovers with their arms intertwined and bright, shiny futures before them. A horse and carriage rumbled past, carrying a family to parts unknown.

Adam twisted the flimsy curtain fabric in his hand and bowed his head in defeat. He’d never spoken the words out loud and now in the darkness of his room, he knew he never would. The educated man who was never lost for words had managed to keep a whole world of words close to his chest. He struggled to speak from the heart sometimes and had always assumed his family knew what he thought and how he felt.

“Hoss.” He whispered the name into the darkness, knowing he would never again hear his name spoken back. Tears welled in his eyes and he scrubbed a hand across his face.

It was another day before Adam could bring himself to put pen to paper and reply to his father’s letter. So many words competed for attention in his thoughts and they simply would not stop until he began to write them down. He’d missed the funeral and had no idea when, or even if, he would return to pay his respects at his brother’s grave. The eulogy would have been spoken by others. Pa. Or maybe Joe. Adam shook his head as he tried to envisage either of them being able to stand and speak through their grief. He wondered if he could have done it, had he been there.

The words began slowly. A trickle of his heart as it leaked out its pain onto the paper. Soon it began to flow and he feared he may drown under its weight. He looked down and began to read his own words again.

A world without heroes is like a world without sun, you can’t look up to anyone. I looked up to my brother in so many ways ….