Old man, look at my life, I’m a lot like you were.

Old Man Take a Look at My Life by Neil Young

 

The smell of salt filled his lungs as the foam churned up against the prow of the ship. It glowed in the moonlight and a faint tinge of phosphorescent algae gave it a surreal air. He stared into the depths, his eyes seeing nothing of the ocean. Instead, they gazed upon a far-off land that was thousands of miles behind him.

It was well past his watch and he should have been in his bunk. Instead, his mind refused to allow his body to rest. Thoughts of home mingled with regrets and those same thoughts kept tugging him back. He felt the chill of the salt spray as the vessel shifted to port and dipped into a trough. His sea legs were still developing, unlike the seasoned sailors on board and his body pitched with the rolling deck. The sharp motion was enough to pull him back to the present and he looked up towards the crow’s nest. He couldn’t recall who was on watch up there, but he didn’t envy the man. He didn’t have any problem with heights, but the tiny wooden bucket, tied high on the mast, still seemed like a crazy idea. Maybe he really was just a landlubber after all and the sea was not for him.

As he tugged at his pea coat, lifting the collar a little higher, he wondered yet again if he had made the right choice. It had seemed so clear at the time. Adventure and new challenges beckoned him like some kind of dream. The sea had been calling him for a long time and he’d managed to drown out the siren song for years. Instead, he’d followed his father’s dreams.

He’d done his level best to listen to the voice of reason. The one that told him to stay put and live the life he’d been born to. He’d tried. God knew, he’d tried!

But that voice came to him at the oddest of times and whispered in his ear that there was a whole other world he needed to explore. He’d fought it and tried to silence it with hard work. He’d played the part expected of him as a dutiful son.

And he’d nearly drowned.

He snorted at the thought as he stared at the waves crashing against the side of the ship. Drowning in the depths of the ocean was not something he feared. Suffocating under unfulfilled dreams was something else altogether.

He scrubbed a hand across his face and recalled the night he’d told his father. He’d had it all prepared.

“Pa, before I’m an old man, look at my life. I’m a lot like you were.”

He’d expected a fight, but his father had already known. He’d seen the restlessness his son had tried so hard to ignore. He’d seen the faraway gaze in his boy’s eyes as he scanned the horizon.

Yes, his son was a lot like him.

And like his father before him, Ben released his son to the sea.