This story was written for the 2017 Advent Calendar – Day 15

Summary:  The Miracle of Christmas lifts the veils of grief.

Rating:  G   4,830 words

And this will be the sign to you.

A Heart of Hope
~~by AC1830

Snow crunched under the horses’ hooves and the wagon wheels.  The day’s fading light cast somber shadows across the forlorn landscape. The overcast sky promised more snow very soon.  Hunched over on the wagon seat, wrapped up against the frosty air, the reins held loosely in his gloved hands, Ben Cartwright stared off into the distance.  His coal black eyes a mirror to the darkness of his soul.  Huddled down in the depths of the wagon, Ben’s six year old son Adam tried to keep his baby brother warm.  He’d used all the blankets and bags he could find but still both boys shivered as the wagon rocked this way and that over the frozen terrain. 

It had been a hard few months for young Adam and his family.  Seeing the only mama he’d known die right in front of him still brought fear to his dreams.  After she was buried his father decided the small group of travelers needed to push on to Fort Laramie hoping the larger wagon train would still be there.  Adam remembered the excitement of seeing the fort, only to have all hopes dashed as they had learned the other train had left them behind once again.  It was then that Adam saw the greatest change in his father. 

Ben argued with the other families that he was not going to give up his dream.  He had suffered too much to put it on hold for another six months.  His boys needed a real home and by the good Lord’s hand they were going to get it.  With that he packed his wagon with supplies, loaded up his boys and headed out of the fort to the southwest, away from the Oregon trail.  Adam saw a hard set to his father’s jaw and knew nothing would dissuade him from his decision so he tried to be as helpful as he could be in hopes of making their journey into the unknown better for his father.

Adam had been keeping track of the days and now, in the rocking wagon his eyes focused on the marks he’d carved in the frame.  His eyes widened when he realized they were just two days from Christmas. Feeling the wagon come to a halt, Adam gently laid his sleeping brother down and slithered over their supply bags to the front opening of the canvas cover.  He poked his head through and peeked around his father’s arm.

“Pa, is everything alright?  Are we stopping for the night?” he asked timidly.

Silence.  Adam was used to that.  He climbed up onto the seat and looked all around.  What he saw made his heart sink.  The landscape was bleak with a few inches of ice and snow on the ground.  Tufts of wild grass sprouted everywhere but not a tree was insight.  After a moment he noticed tiny snowflakes falling and stinging his tender face.  He looked up into his father’s face hoping to see…what…he wasn’t sure.  All he saw were the dark, lonely eyes he’d grown accustomed to since Inger had died. 

“Pa, it’s snowing.  Don’t we need to find some shelter soon?  Hoss’ll be waking up and ready to eat.  Pa?”

More silence but at least Ben turned his head to look at his son.  Adam smiled at his father then looked up to the gray sky.  Please God, take care of us.  Bring a smile back to my Pa’s face. Please?

Adam dropped his head to quickly remove the few tears that had formed.  When he looked up he saw a glimmer of light off to the side.  The more he watched it the brighter it grew.  He finally figured out that it must be a town and as the dull winter light faded, the town’s lights grew brighter. 

“Pa, look.  I see a town.  Look Pa!”

Ben seemed to come out of his stupor and looked to where his son was pointing.  He nodded and turned the horses in that direction.  Adam slipped back into the back of the wagon to stay with Hoss and keep him warm.  As they came to the bottom of a hill, Ben stopped the wagon once again.  The snow was coming down hard and it was getting difficult to see.  The final jerk of the wagon woke Hoss up so Adam brought Hoss up to the seat to be with his father.  He looked around and could see the lights of the town; they were so close.  It wasn’t a very big town but he could just make out the sounds of a few people shouting and laughing.  He didn’t understand why his Pa had stopped. 

Slowly Adam took the reins out of his Pa’s stiff hands and laid them on the seat.  Then he slid Hoss’s wrapped body into his Pa’s arms.  Ben took the bundle and held it tight next to him. Adam took up the reins and flicked them gently across the horse’s backs. The horses were tired but even they seemed to know that they were near something good.  They willingly moved forward pulling the worn wagon closer and closer to the town. 

By the time they reached the edge of town several inches of snow covered the ground making it difficult for the wagon to roll.  The first place Adam came to was a small barn and house. The rusting sign said “Livery and Blacksmith”.   Neither looked sturdy enough to withstand the snowfall or protect the horses but Adam didn’t care.  He was nearly frozen and worried for his father and baby brother.  He pulled the team to a stop, set the brake and wound the long reins around the post by the seat.  Seeing a light in a window he shouted to see if anyone would come. 

After a few moments a door flew open and a man ran through the deepening snow.  Gloved hands quickly pulled Adam down.  The man then turned to take the baby from Ben’s arms. After taking the two children into the tiny house he went back outside and returned within a few minutes with Ben leaning heavily on him.  While the man went back out to take care of the horses and wagon, a woman and little boy helped Adam and his father and brother get warm by the fire. 

All Adam could remember from that night was the warm fire and some warm soup. After they ate Adam and Ben shared the only bed in the tiny home. Little Hoss was placed in a well-padded crate near the fire.  Adam thought how good it felt to snuggle next to his father. He closed his eyes, said a silent prayer of thanks, and was soon fast asleep nestled in the crook of his Pa’s arm.  An hour later only the glow from the fireplace and the stove filled the single-room home as six people slept soundly.  The snowfall had ceased outside and the heavy gray clouds parted to allow a bright moon and stars to shine down on the frosty landscape and the little house. 

*~*~*~*

Quiet voices and the smell of eggs cooking awoke Adam.  When he stirred Ben also awoke.  Father and son looked at each other then moved to sit on the edge of the bed.  Hoss, who sat happily in the crate, noticed their movement and immediately tried to get to them.  Adam jumped up to keep Hoss from tipping the crate and picked him up.  The two hugged then Adam handed Hoss to his Pa.  The lady cheerfully called them all over to the kitchen to get some breakfast. 

“Good morning,” she spoke softly as the threesome joined the little boy at the small table in the kitchen. “I hope you slept well.  I have plenty of eggs and some milk for the children.  Coffee will be ready in a moment for you sir.  Oh, dear, where are my manners.  I’m Mary Samuels and this is my son Joshua.”  She indicated the boy sitting beside Adam. Ben noted that Joshua had light brown hair, like his mother, and dark eyes which seemed to smile on their own. 

Ben nodded his head and introduced his family.  “I’m Ben Cartwright.  These are my sons Adam and Eric, whom we also call Hoss.  I thank you and your husband, Mrs. Samuels, for helping us last night and for sharing your food with us.”  He glanced around the small structure wondering how much of a hardship it was on the family to help his family.  “The eggs and coffee smell wonderful.  I don’t mean to be ungrateful, but after breakfast, my sons and I will be on our way, and not be any more of a burden to you.”

Adam’s heart sank at those words.  He nearly protested when Mrs. Samuels spoke up.  “Mr. Cartwright, believe me when I say it is no burden at all to have you and your sons with us.  It is our greatest desire to help anyone who needs it.  Besides, although the snow has stopped falling, it is quite deep.  My husband is outside now clearing a path to the barn and checking the animals.  I’m afraid you won’t be able to go anywhere for a few days at least.  Please, for the sake of the children, would you consider being our guests for Christmas?”

Adam watched his father’s face change expressions many times while Mrs. Samuels spoke.  But her last statement brought a look of pure surprise and sadness.

“Christmas?  I’m sorry. I – I didn’t realize it was so soon.”  Ben looked away from his boys, attempting to hide his shock that he’d nearly missed an important celebration. It pained him that he wouldn’t have anything to give them, especially Adam, this year. 

“Oh yes, it’s tomorrow in fact.”  She served the meal then sat on a stool at the stove to eat her own meal. “The snow caught us a bit by surprise but Joseph, my husband, is still planning to go to the mercantile later this morning.  He’s taking Joshua with him to do a bit of shopping.  You and your son, Adam, would be most welcome to join him.  I’d be more than pleased to watch the little one if you like.”

Ben didn’t quite know what to say but agreed anyway, which put a huge grin on Adam’s face. The excitement of a trip to town gave Adam a bigger appetite and they ate the rest of their breakfast in silence. 

When Joseph Samuels returned to the house introductions were made once more.  Young Joshua Samuels was nearly the same age as Adam so the boys played well by the fire with some toy horses, and they included Hoss when they could.  Ben asked to speak to Joseph outside.  The welcoming expression on Joseph’s tanned face gave Ben the courage to say what he needed to say.  He explained about their travels and that he had a few supplies he was willing to share, but that he had no gifts for the holiday.  He asked if the store might take some items on trade.

Joseph studied the ground for a while.  He could easily see the position this man was in and also had noted the sorrow hidden behind his eyes.  This man had some tragedy in his life that seemed to have diminished his hope in life. He saw it in the young lad too but the hope there seemed to be fighting to get out.  Joseph was getting a sense of what he needed to do. He spoke in a gentle voice, “Mr. Cartwright…may I call you Ben?”  Ben nodded.  “Ben, times are hard for us all one time or another.  I’ve learned to trust in the Lord for all things.  He seems to always provide no matter what the circumstances.”

Joseph led the way to the barn, indicating for Ben to follow.  “I’ve some scraps of wood here that can only be chopped for kindling but I’ve enough of that to last quite a while.  You’re welcome to use what you like if you need to. The store will take items on trade.  But actually, I’d be interested to see what you have as there could be some things I, or Mary, could use.” 

Ben showed Joseph some tools he had and a few furs he’d kept when he’d hunted for food during their travels.

“Ben, why don’t you keep the tools?  You might need them on your journey.  The furs, however, are some of the best I’ve seen.  We have hunters here that bring furs to trade, and we trade with the local Indians.  If you and I can agree on a price I’d like to buy a couple from you.  The rest you can trade in town if you like.” 

Ben was taken aback at Joseph’s sincerity and offer. Something about the family’s willingness to help gave him pause.  Having observed the size and condition of the house, Ben wouldn’t have expected this family to have extra money to spend. He shrugged off his concerns and began to discuss the furs. After some negotiating, and with a warm handshake, the two men agreed on a price.  Ben was pleased to now have a little money to spend on his sons for Christmas.  The rest he thought best to put back for future use. 

After concluding their business, Joseph went to check on the horses. “I’ve noticed your horses are a strong breed.  With some rest and good feed they should do fine to take you further on your journey but your wagon could do with some repairs.  Maybe we can talk of that after the holiday tomorrow.  Right now we need to get to the store.  This afternoon I’ll be going out to collect some greenery for the house.  Would you care to join me in finding a small tree?”

Ben’s heart was filled with so many conflicting emotions.  He didn’t want to let Adam down, especially at Christmas, but his heart was too full of pain to let any joy in.  Thanks to the help from the Samuels, he now had the option to sell some of his furs.  This gave him a tiny bit of hope for the future.  At least he and his sons wouldn’t starve. But it was still so difficult to get excited about Christmas. Not wanting to appear rude to his host, he reluctantly agreed to help Joseph find a tree.  A warm smile lit Joseph’s face as he gently patted Ben on the back.  One step at a time, my new friend, Joseph thought as the two men walked back to the house.

*~*~*~*

Adam had been so excited to ride in a sleigh he nearly got himself into trouble with his father for forgetting his manners. Once he and Josh were settled in the back seat under warm blankets and with heated bricks under their feet, Joseph clicked the reins and set off for the center of town.  The town itself was actually quite small.  There were only a few stores, a bank, some repair shops and a saloon that also served as a hotel and restaurant. 

“We seem to be on a path for homesteaders, trappers and Indians.  Some folks pass through and others decide to stay.  Each year it seems we get just a little bit bigger. The Indians around here are relatively peaceful and we kind of leave each other alone.”

Ben listened to Joseph’s descriptions of the town and people with half interest.  He had seen it so many times before. Some of the towns made it and some died a slow death.  He sighed deeply and looked around, wondering what would become of this little place in the future. That’s when he noticed that something about this little town was different.  He was drawn out of his melancholy thoughts as he heard Adam and Joshua talk about the different Christmas decorations they saw in the windows.  That was it, Ben thought.  This was the first town he’d encountered that truly decorated for Christmas.  He saw candles in the windows, ribbons around signs, even a bit of greenery here and there. 

Joseph pulled the sleigh up beside the mercantile.  When everyone was out he helped Ben carry the furs inside.  The boys scampered off to look at treats and toys in the small shop as their fathers took care of their business. Josh looked at tin whistles and candy while Adam looked at books.  Josh also saw him looking at some pipe tobacco.  He wandered over and teased his friend about that. 

“Adam, you’re not big enough for tobacco.  My papa doesn’t even like it in the house.”

“It’s not for me, Josh.  My Pa likes to smoke a pipe at night but he hasn’t been able to get any tobacco for a long time.”

Josh didn’t know what to do about Adam’s sadness, so he tried to cheer him up. “Come on, let’s go look at the whistles.  I’m hoping my papa will get me one for Christmas.”

Adam followed Josh but kept looking back at the tobacco. Josh started thinking about that and the money he had in his pocket.  When Adam wandered over to the books again, Josh found his Papa and told him about Adam’s interest in the tobacco and books. Joseph listened with a thoughtful look in his eye, then sent Josh to tell Adam they would be leaving soon. When Ben found Adam he gave him some money from the sale of their furs and told him to spend it however he liked.  Adam’s face brightened as he ran off to find Josh. 

Seeing his son so happy brought a bit of warmth to Ben’s heart.  He started looking around the store and his eyes fell on a lovely lace shawl. His heartache returned as it sank in that he had no one to buy that for.  Oh Inger, I miss you so much.  You would love this little town. How I wish you were here with me now.  Ben quickly turned another way and found a section of books. While he scanned the titles, Adam was picking out a special gift for his father.

At home, Mary had fixed everyone a good stew and made some special cookies.  She had also put a bit of greenery and ribbons around the little house.  When the men and boys returned  from town, Adam immediately thanked Mr. Samuels for the trip and gave his Pa a big hug.  He then went to greet Hoss and play with Josh by the fire until called to dinner.

After dinner, the boys agreed to rest for a bit while Ben and Joseph went in search for a tree and more greenery.  After their rest, Adam and Josh helped Mary pop corn and string it to hang on the tree later. The men found a perfect little tree quickly and returned to a warm house filled with the scents of popped corn, cinnamon cookies and coffee. The evening, after supper, was spent decorating the tree and consuming cookies, and what was left of the popped corn. Afterward, everyone settled by the fire to listen to the Christmas story.  Joseph opened the family Bible and began to read. 

When he reached the part about the angels Adam sat a bit straighter and held his brother a bit tighter.  This was his favorite part.

…..”And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men….”*

That Christmas Eve, Josh and his parents slept in the kitchen by the stove.  Adam shared the bed with his Pa, and Hoss slept by the fire.  A strange sound woke Josh up in the night.  He lay real still and listened.  It was Adam and it sounded like he was crying and talking to someone.

“God, I want to thank you for this family that is helping us.  I hope you will bless them real good. I know Hoss and I will be okay now but I don’t think Pa will be.  Can you help him to smile again?  I’ve seen him give little smiles but I don’t think it’s enough. I sure do miss Mama.  She could get him to smile a lot, but I know she’s with you now.  Let her know we’re doing okay, will you?  Amen.” 

Saddened by what he’d overheard from his friend, Josh snuggled next to his Mama, grateful for her warmth, but he quickly realized Adam didn’t have that same feeling.  It made him sad but then he came up with an idea. This Christmas he could share his mama with Adam.  Soon Josh went back to sleep content with his planned gift for his friend.

*~*~*~*

In the darkened house, Ben lay staring at the ceiling. The air was warm and the thought occurred to Ben that Joseph must have gotten up during the night to rebuild the fire. He’d been aware of Adam’s prayer and it was breaking his heart knowing he was letting his sons down.   Unable to sleep, Ben silently left the bed, bundled up and slipped outside.  As he made his way to the barn, he noticed that a few inches of new snow had fallen.  Stopping at the barn door, Ben’s attention was drawn to a quarter moon edging toward the distant mountains to the west.  He leaned against the tall corral fence and stared at the bright light it emitted.  The fresh powdery snow glistened like all the stars above but the beauty of it was lost on Ben.

From deep inside him something shook violently. Knowing what it was, Ben gave into it.  Soon he was sobbing uncontrollably.  Months of pain, loneliness, fear, and anger came rushing out.  It was a flood of all he’d kept inside, for his sons’ sakes, but could contain no more.  When the torrent of emotions slowed to a trickle, Ben took some deep breaths, rested his head on his arms and bade his body to relax. 

“Oh Inger, my world is so dark without you.  How will I go on?” 

After releasing all that was tormenting him, Ben felt a tendril of warmth creeping around his heart; the cold no longer seemed to bother him.  Suddenly aware of a warmth outside his body he raised his head and noticed a faint glow surrounding him, replacing the glow of the moon.  His heart quickened as some of that warmth covered his hands.  Turning, he gasped at the face before him. “Inger?”

“Ya Benjamin, it is me.”

He opened his mouth but could not speak his thoughts. 

Inger laughed and placed her warm hand to his cheek.  “Oh my sweet Ben.  How I have missed you.”  Her smile faded just a touch as she studied his sunken features and sad eyes.

“Inger, how….can you be here?  Oh my love I’ve missed you terribly.”  He reached for her but she stepped back.

“Shh, Ben.  You cannot touch me but ‘feel’ that I am here.”  Her hands hovered over his again, warming them from the cold.  “I have come because it’s Christmas, and to bring you a gift.  I know you have struggled so much these last months.  Oh Ben your burden has been great but my dear Ben you need to let go of it, all of it.”

“Let go of what?  Inger I….don’t understand.”

“Ya, I think you do, Ben.  Your fears, your pain.  Ben I have never left you, and God has never left you.  You must realize you are not alone on this journey.”  She raised her hand to point to the stars.  “This will be the sign to you my love. You taught me how you use the stars as a guide. But Ben, you have your faith too, and with faith comes hope.  Let them guide you as well.” 

Ben’s mind was a whirlwind of thoughts but as he focused on Inger’s lilting voice, his mind calmed and his heart beat to the rhythm of her words. 

“Inger, I…it’s too painful. The boys need a…..”

Inger smiled at him, her blue eyes twinkling like the starlight around them.  “Ben, Adam and Hoss need you, my love.  You have all you need inside you to love them.  Your faith is strong Ben.  That is all you need to go on.  I will be ever near and watching all of you my love.”

Ben stared at Inger, soaking in all of her features until he realized she had faded away and all he could see was the moon’s glow in front of him. 

Ben breathed out, “No…Inger, no….”  He stood rooted to the spot hoping to see her once more.

Inside the house, Adam tossed and turned, then cried out, “Pa!  Mama!”  Opening his eyes, he saw Joseph sitting beside him but not his own father.  “Pa!”  Adam clambered out of the bed past Joseph and ran toward the door.  Pulling on his boots and coat he hesitated for a moment when he heard Hoss cry out.  Adam’s eyes flicked over to Hoss, who was trying to climb out of the crate, and back to the door.

Joseph saw the conflict on the young boy’s face.  “Go on Adam, go to your Pa.  I’ll take care of Hoss.” 

Adam hesitated but a moment, then pulled the door open and ran outside.  When he saw his father leaning against the corral fence, he struggled through the snow to reach him.  Ben was startled to feel small arms wrapped around his legs.  Looking down he saw Adam’s tear-stained face peering up at him.

Ben dropped to his knees in the snow and pulled his son to his chest.  His heart beat fiercely at the feel of his son’s small body next to his.

“Pa, I didn’t know where you were. I had a bad dream but then I saw Mama Inger. Oh Pa, I was afraid she had taken you with her.”  He sobbed into his father’s chest.

Ben eyes widened.  What did Adam mean, he saw his stepmother?  Ben looked up to the stars and saw one shoot across the sky. 

“Pa?”  Adam whispered.

Ben heard Inger’s words in his heart.  A sign, a sign of his faith.  Ben lowered his eyes and saw the questioning look from his son, but saw something else.  Hope perhaps?

He took Adam’s sweet face gently into his hands. “I’m here son, and I’m not going anywhere.  You mama is with us too, never far away from us.”  Ben wrapped his arms around Adam and stood up.  “Let’s go inside, son.  It’s Christmas Day and we have some celebrating to do.” 

Adam hugged his Pa’s neck tightly, then rested his chin on Ben’s shoulder as they headed back to the house.  Adam saw the moon begin to sink behind the mountains, but then a soft glow obscured it.  He raised his head, about to alert his Pa, when the sound of sweet laughter stopped him.  He smiled and watched as the glow and laughter faded away, to reveal the moon once more.  Adam whispered, “Merry Christmas Mama.” 

Ben heard his son and his heart was filled with a hope that he could go on. That was the gift Inger spoke of – the gift of Hope.  As long as he had his sons with him, and kept his eyes up, he could go on.

Upon entering the home, Ben stood for a moment taking in the scene before him.  Mary and Joshua were placing treats on the table, Joseph stood by the fireplace grinning, as Hoss crept, slithered and crawled toward his father.  Still holding Adam, Ben squatted down and scooped Hoss into his free arm.  Ben looked to his sons, his dark eyes alight with love.  He whispered something to Adam which brought a grin and fierce nod of his head.  At the sound of his father’s voice, Hoss gurgled and clapped his chubby hands.

“Merry Christmas to one and all!!” they shouted in unison.

——-

*Luke 2:8-14, KJV

To read the entire story surrounding A Heart of Hope, please click here -> A Christmas Journey

Link to the 2017 Advent Calendar – Day 16 – A Performance to Remember by Puchi Ann

Tags:  Adam Cartwright, Ben Cartwright