Summary:  Joe tries to deal with his feelings after returning home from Alabama.

Rated: T (26,125 words)

Between Two Worlds Series:

Between Two Worlds
When Two Worlds Collide

 

When Two Worlds collide

Adam straightened up from his position as he leant against a pole and peered into the distance where a small swirl of dust could be seen. ‘It’s coming,’ he said quietly. Hoss stood up and put his hat on as he followed his brother’s gaze. The two brothers stood in silence for a few moments, their eyes fixated on the ever-increasing dust in the distance. ‘Remember what Pa wrote,’ said Adam, looking at his brother. ‘We need to just follow his lead.’

Hoss nodded. ‘Sure,’ he said. ‘I’ll just be glad to see em both again.’

 

 

 

The stage drew to a halt in front of them and they waited as a couple of passengers alighted before spying their father getting down. ‘Pa!’ called Hoss and stepped forward to give the man a bear hug that lifted him full off the ground.

 

 

 

‘Steady son,’ said Ben, laughing. He turned to Adam and gave him a hug as well, then stood back and looked at both his sons. ‘How are you both?’ he asked.

 

 

 

‘We’re fine Pa,’ replied Adam. ‘How are you more to the point?’  His eyes travelled to the open door of the stage. ‘And Joe?’

 

 

 

Ben smiled at them both. ‘We’re tired,’ he said. ‘It’s been a long trip.’  He gave them both a meaningful look and said in a slightly louder voice. ‘I hope you’ve got the buggy with you.  I don’t think Joe and I are up to riding just yet.’  He turned to the stage. ‘Joseph?’

 

 

 

The unmistakeable curly head of their younger brother appeared in the doorway and Joe stepped down from the stage quickly. ‘Hi!’ he said with a grin. Hoss made to step forward and then hesitated. ‘Well?’ said Joe. ‘Don’t I get a hug too?’

 

 

 

Hoss grinned at him and gave him the same treatment as he had given his father, this time twirling his younger brother around once in the air at the same time. ‘Ya sure do!’ he said gleefully as he set him down again.

 

 

 

Joe turned to Adam. ‘Don’t you try that!’ he warned. ‘Once is enough.’

 

 

 

Adam laughed and pulled his younger brother toward him as he embraced him. ‘My hugs aren’t quite so rough,’ he said. Joe closed his eyes for a moment as the two brothers embraced, a gesture that didn’t go unnoticed by his father.

 

 

 

‘Come on boys,’ he said. ‘We’ve got lots of time for all this when we get home. What I need is a hot bath, and I’m sure you need one as well Joseph.’  He took his youngest son by the arm and directed him to their buggy, which was across the street.

 

 

 

Joe allowed himself to be led hurriedly towards the buggy and just as quickly got in.  He slumped down in the seat and pulled his hat over his face. ‘Can we go now Pa?’ he asked. ‘I want to get out of here.’  He looked furtively around the street.

 

 

 

‘Of course we can,’ said Ben in a jovial tone that sounded quite forced to Adam and Hoss. ‘Come on boys, hurry up.’

 

 

 

Once they were on their way, both brothers had the opportunity to study Joe without being obvious about it and neither of them liked what they saw at all. He was a bit thinner, although not unduly so, but what struck them both was the pinched and haunted look about him that he was obviously taking great pains to hide.  But try as he would, the strain of the past few weeks showed clearly to them by the dark circles under his eyes, the pinched look of his usually smiling mouth and the nervous fidgeting of his hands. He was a very different boy to the excited and happy one they had said goodbye to that day when he and their father were setting off on their trip to New Orleans.

 

 

 

On that day Joe had been so animated and alive. Now he seemed to be a pale imitation of the person he had seemed then.  Both his brothers ached at the sight of him and it was only their father’s meaningful stare that told them to take it easy that stopped either of them from reaching out to him and hugging him to them again.

 

 

 

‘So?’ said Adam, trying to sound casual. ‘How was the trip back?’

 

 

 

Ben glanced at Joe and answered for them both. ‘As easy as could be expected,’ he said. ‘We’re both glad to be home though, aren’t we Joseph?’

 

 

 

Joe nodded. Glad to be home!  That was an understatement! He had never felt so glad to be anywhere as he was to feel the relief of coming back to The Ponderosa.  The past couple of weeks travelling had been a blur for him, so engrossed had he been in trying to come to terms with all that had happened to him. He had begun to physically heal and felt much better for it, but with each day that passed had also come a great weariness that he found difficult to deal with.  He supposed it was leftover from those weeks when he hadn’t been able to sleep much and now that he was safe his body was reacting in this way.  He could understand that, but he still found it hard to accept.

 

 

 

It seemed that all he wanted to do was sleep lately and in one way he guessed that had been a good thing.  It had helped the travelling time to go faster, it had helped to block out the time he had to dwell on past events and it had given him less time to talk to his father about it. Not that he minded talking to Pa at all.  He gave the man a weak smile as the thought crossed his mind for the hundredth time just what his father had done for him.  Without Pa he would be… He shifted in his seat and blocked his mind to the thoughts that threatened to invade it once again.  Instinctively his hand came to rest on his jacket pocket where he kept his most precious possession…the papers his father had given him that spelled the end to his nightmare.  There were a few times during the trip that he had woken up in a cold sweat and reached for them, thinking in his semi-conscious state that they had been taken from him.  It had taken quite a bit of persuading from his father on several occasions to convince him that it wasn’t so and even now he had to keep reassuring himself constantly that they were there. Without them he would be…

 

 

 

Joe turned to face his father and brothers. ‘Sure am,’ he said with a forced brightness.

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘You go first Joe,’ said his father as he motioned for Hop Sing to bring the hot water in. ‘The tub is ready.’

 

 

 

Joe turned from the window of the washhouse where he had been gazing across towards the barn. He saw Hop Sing carrying the buckets and hurried over to help him. ‘I’ll do that,’ he said.

 

 

 

‘Is all right Little Joe,’ replied Hop Sing. ‘I do it all time.’

 

 

 

‘I know,’ Joe said as he took the buckets. ‘But you shouldn’t have to.  I mean…. Let me help.’  Memories of carrying water for hours at an end came back to him and he thought about the way his back had ached with each load. He tipped the water into the tub and stood looking thoughtfully at the ever-widening ripples that raced across its surface.

 

 

 

‘Joe?’

 

 

 

He jumped at his father’s touch. ‘Yes?’

 

 

 

‘You go first.’ Joe hesitated while his father looked at him. ‘I’ll wait outside,’ the man said gently. ‘Let me know when you’re finished and I’ll put some more of that salve on your back.’

 

 

 

Joe nodded, pleased that his father understood his reluctance to undress in front of him.  He still found it difficult to look at his own body with the marks of his mistreatment still on it, let alone allowing anyone else to view it.  It was as much as he could stand for his father to tend to him during these past few weeks and even then there were times when he found himself cringing away from the man’s touch in spite of himself.

 

 

 

As he lay in the warm water, Joe let his muscles relax and his mind wander.  The relief of being home hadn’t sunk in yet and he still felt quite numb with the thought of it all.  He glanced across to the chair where his jacket and other clothing lay discarded and checked again that they were still there.  As he did so, he cursed himself for the thought. Of course they’re still there stupid!  Where else would it be? He made a mental note to ask his father to put the papers in the safe as soon as he got out of here.  Those papers were his lifeline to freedom and he went cold at the very thought of what they meant to him.  He slid back in the tub, letting the warm water rise up around his head.  He held up his wrists to inspect them and noticed that the scabs were quite well formed on them now and wondered how long it would take for them to completely heal over.

 

 

 

Joe considered for a moment how easy it was for his body to heal and yet how hard for his mind.  It was a pity there wasn’t some salve his father could rub on that to take away the memories as easily as it took away the hurt in his back, wrists and ankles.  He sighed as closed his eyes as he felt the healing warmth of the water doing its work. For now he would just let things be while he recovered.  Hopefully it would be as Pa had said…given time his mind would let things go as well.

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

Joe stared into the mirror and smiled thinly at his reflection that stared back at him. From this angle he looked just about the same as he always had.  The same eyes, mouth and nose.  Of course the mirror only showed his face and didn’t reveal the marks on the rest of his body at all.  He picked up a comb and ran it through his thick curly hair, frowning as he did so.  What was it Mama Katie had said?  Oh yes!  He got his curly hair from his mother. He frowned.  His mother and her coloured blood. He put his arm out and studied the colour of his skin intently.  He couldn’t for the life of him see anything unusual about it, but he supposed it must have a tinge of colour in it if he was…he pushed all such thoughts out of his mind angrily and raked the comb viciously through his hair as he tried to get the knots out of it.

 

 

 

‘You’ll tear it out by the roots if you carry on like that,’ said his father pleasantly as he entered the room. ‘Well I don’t know about you Joe, but I certainly feel better after that hot bath.’

 

 

 

Joe looked at his father’s reflection standing next to his own. ‘Much better,’ he said shortly.

 

 

 

‘Come over here and I’ll put some of this on your back. Pull that nightshirt down just a bit,’ said his father. Joe sat on the bed and slid his nightshirt down from his shoulders as he allowed his Pa to begin the action that they both knew so well now.  He had done the same thing twice a day for the past two weeks. ‘It’s looking much better,’ said Ben from behind him. ‘The bruising will be gone in a few more days. Here, let me put some on those wrists.’

 

 

 

Joe allowed his father to pick up his wrists one at a time and apply a liberal amount of the salve on them.  It felt cool and soothing against his skin. ‘Pa?’

 

 

 

‘Yes?’ said Ben as he continued to work.

 

 

 

‘Is it all right with you if I go into town tomorrow?’

 

 

 

The question startled Ben so much that he looked up at his son and stopped working for a moment. He hadn’t for one moment thought the boy would want to face people yet and the request absolutely floored him. ‘Of course it is,’ he said after a moment. ‘Why do you want to though?  I thought you might like to rest for a few days first.’

 

 

 

Joe nodded. ‘I do,’ he said. ‘I am real tired. It’s just that I want to get a haircut that’s all.’

 

 

 

Ben’s jaw dropped open. It was the first time he could ever remember the boy requesting such a thing.  Since he was old enough to understand what was happening around him Joe hadn’t ever wanted to have his haircut and seemed to take great delight in fighting his father about its length every time Ben had dragged him into town to have it done.

 

 

 

‘Sure,’ said Ben finally, not knowing what else to say. ‘We could visit Paul Martin while we’re in there as well.’

 

 

 

‘Why?’

 

 

 

‘I’d like him to look you over that’s all.  Check out these wrists for a start.’

 

 

 

‘No.’

 

 

 

‘Joe, I really think he should take a look at you.’

 

 

 

‘That doctor in … down there…he checked me over. I don’t need anyone else to.’

 

 

 

‘That was two weeks ago Joe. I’d feel better if Paul took at look at you now.’

 

 

 

‘No.’

 

 

 

‘Son…’

 

 

 

Joe put his head up. ‘And what are you thinking of telling him Pa?  How are you gonna explain all this?’  Joe gestured to his wrists and his back. ‘I don’t want him looking at me.’

 

 

 

Ben sighed. ‘There’s no need to say what happened,’ he began. ‘We could just…’

 

 

 

‘He ain’t stupid Pa.  I’m sure he’ll figure part of it out and then he’ll start asking questions.  You said yourself that my back is nearly better, so why don’t we just leave it at that?’

 

 

 

‘Joe…’

 

 

 

Joe stood up. ‘No! I ain’t gonna have anyone find out what happened! I ain’t going to no doctor Pa, and that’s an end to it!’  He strode over to his window and looked out.

 

 

 

Ben stood up and walked over to his son. ‘All right Joseph,’ he said quietly. ‘Whatever you want. Just remember that no one around here knows about what happened to you and that’s the way it will stay unless you decide otherwise.  I’d never put your privacy at risk like that son.’

 

 

 

‘I know,’ said Joe in a low voice as he continued to stare out of the window. After a moment he added. ‘What did you tell Adam and Hoss in that letter you wrote?’

 

 

 

Ben took a deep breath. ‘I told them how you’d been taken by Bates and sold,’ he said. ‘I told them about your mother’s blood. You said it was all right to say that.’

 

 

 

Joe nodded. ‘Nothing else?’ He glanced down at his feet.

 

 

 

‘No.  I know that they’re wondering of course, but I haven’t told them any details yet.  I thought you might want to do that.’

 

 

 

Joe shook his head. ‘No,’ he said in the same low voice. ‘I can’t.’

 

 

 

‘Do you want me to?’

 

 

 

‘Yes.’

 

 

 

Ben put his hand on his son’s shoulder. ‘All of it?’

 

 

 

Joe swallowed. ‘Not the ….’ He continued to look at his feet and pointed to them. ‘Not that. I don’t think they need to know about that.’

 

 

 

Ben knew that his son was referring to the brand on his heel. ‘Of course not,’ he said gently as he massaged the boy’s neck. He noticed the socks on his Joe’s feet that he had pulled on with his nightshirt as if to cover them up. ‘I’ll tell you what Joe. Why don’t you get some sleep now and I’ll get Hop Sing to bring you up some supper in a while.  You look deadbeat and you’ll need your strength if we’re going into town tomorrow.’

 

 

 

Joe turned at smiled at his father. ‘Yeah, I think I will,’ he said. ‘You look tired too Pa.  You should have an early night.’

 

 

 

Ben patted his son on the shoulder. ‘I will,’ he said. ‘I’ll go and talk to your brothers first though.’  Joe nodded. ‘Sleep well son. And Joe?’  Joe looked at his father. ‘Welcome home boy.’  Father and son smiled at each other for a moment and then Ben quietly closed the door behind him as he left the room.

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

Adam sat silently shaking his head as he stared into the fireplace while Hoss paced up and down in front of it as he had for the past forty minutes while their father had been speaking. Ben picked up his coffee cup and noted that it was now cold, so replaced it on the table in front of him.  The silence lengthened as the three men each dealt with his own thoughts. Finally Ben spoke. ‘Your brother still feels very fragile about the whole thing as I’m sure you can imagine,’ he said. ‘Now you can see why I said to take it gently with him.’

 

 

 

Hoss turned to him, his face a mixture of anger and despair. ‘I can’t believe what you’re telling us Pa!’ he said. ‘I just can’t believe it!’

 

 

 

Ben looked up at his son sadly. ‘Believe it Hoss.  It’s all true,’ he said softly.

 

 

 

‘But how could they?  I just don’t understand how anyone could do them things! Specially not to Little Joe!’

 

 

 

Adam rubbed the bridge of his nose as he always did when in thought. ‘Not everyone thinks about Joe the way we do Hoss,’ he said softly. ‘There’s a lot of injustice in this world and unfortunately our little brother has just come face to face with it.’

 

 

 

Hoss clenched his fists. ‘Well if I’d been there I woulda killed….’

 

 

 

‘Which is exactly why I didn’t send you both a wire until it was all over,’ interrupted his father. ‘That kind of thing would have resulted in me having more than one son in trouble.’

 

 

 

‘I guess so,’ acknowledged Hoss. ‘It just riles me so much to think of my little brother being treated like that!’  He thumped the back of his father’s chair.

 

 

 

‘It riles us all Hoss,’ said Adam. ‘But you’ve got to remember that the law was on their side.’

 

 

 

‘I don’t care!’ shouted Hoss. ‘The law is wrong!’

 

 

 

‘I agree,’ continued Adam. ‘But from their point of view…’

 

 

 

‘Law or no law, there’s no reason to have treated him like that!’ exploded Hoss. ‘I don’t care what they thought about his Ma and all that legal stuff…they had no right!’

 

 

 

‘Boys this isn’t helping anyone,’ interrupted their father. ‘What we’ve got to concentrate on now is Joseph.  He’s come through a shocking experience and we have to show him our support in order to help him get through the rest of it.’

 

 

 

Adam sat forward. ‘Does he know you’re telling us all this?’ he asked.

 

 

 

‘Yes. He asked me to. He couldn’t bring himself to tell you himself, but I think he’ll be relieved that you know.’

 

 

 

‘So how do you think we should treat him?’ asked the ever-practical Adam.

 

 

 

‘Just be guided by your instincts,’ said Ben. ‘It’s difficult to know how he’ll cope with it all.  Time will tell I suppose. He’s asked to go into town and have his haircut tomorrow so I suppose that’s a good sign.’

 

 

 

‘He what?’ asked Hoss incredulously. ‘Shortshanks never once wanted to have his haircut!’

 

 

 

‘I know.  It surprised me too,’ acknowledged his father.

 

 

 

‘Pa?’

 

 

 

All three Cartwrights turned at the sound of Joe’s voice behind them on the stairs. Ben stood up. ‘Joe! I thought you were asleep son.  What are you doing up?’

 

 

 

‘I forgot something,’ said Joe, avoiding his brothers’ eyes.  He had a fair idea of what they’d all been talking about and didn’t feel comfortable about it at all. He held out some papers to Ben who looked at them strangely.

 

 

 

‘What are they?’ he asked.

 

 

 

‘The… them papers you got for me,’ said Joe looking at his father pleadingly as if willing him not to say anything about them in front of his brothers. ‘They’re kinda important and I was wondering if they could go in the safe?’

 

 

 

Ben took the papers from his son’s hand. ‘Of course,’ he said with a smile. ‘I’ll put them in before I go to bed. Now upstairs with you and get some rest.’

 

 

 

Joe stood his ground. ‘Could you put them in now please?  I want to make sure they’re safe.’  Ben walked over to the safe and bent down to fiddle with the combination.  Joe didn’t take his eyes off his father until the papers were safely away and the man stood up again. ‘Thanks, he said shortly. ‘Night.’

 

 

 

‘Good night son.’

 

 

 

‘Night Joe,’ called Adam.

 

 

 

‘Get some sleep,’ said Hoss with a smile.

 

 

 

Joe gave them all a half-hearted smile and climbed the stairs again.

 

 

 

‘What was that all about?’ asked Adam.

 

 

 

‘His papers,’ replied his father as he stared at the staircase. ‘After I’d paid Edwards the money I went down to the Town Registry and had him signed over to himself.  It was important that he knew he didn’t even belong to me anymore.’

 

 

 

Adam nodded. ‘I can understand that,’ he said. ‘Poor kid.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘He still feels very insecure about it all,’ he said. ‘We have to try and help him get over it.’ He sighed. ‘I’m off to bed now boys.  It’s been a long day and I’m aching for that soft mattress.  Goodnight.’ He climbed the stairs wearily leaving Adam and Hoss still staring into the fire, each with their own thoughts.

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

‘Ben!  When did you and the youngster get back into town?’  Harold Roach held out his hand and shook Ben’s enthusiastically. ‘Good to see you back.’

 

 

 

Ben smiled at the barber. ‘We got in yesterday,’ he said.

 

 

 

‘Dragging the boy in for a haircut already eh?’ replied Harold. ‘Hello Joe.’

 

 

 

‘Hello Mr Roach,’ said Joe sitting himself in the chair.

 

 

 

‘So how was the trip?’ asked Harold as he put a sheet around Joe and picked up his scissors.

 

 

 

Ben saw Joe wince in the mirror, so he answered quickly. ‘Fine.’

 

 

 

‘Who’s been hacking away at this?’ asked Harold as he combed through Joe’s hair. ‘I’ll have to even it up before I can give it a trim.’

 

 

 

Joe thought back again to Momma Katie and the day she’d cut his hair and commented on how curly it was… just like his mother’s must have been.  ‘I don’t want it just trimmed,’ he said. ‘I want it cut real short.’

 

 

 

The barber stopped and stared at him in the mirror. ‘What did you say?’ he asked in surprise.  For as long as he could remember the youngest Cartwright boy had fought with his father in front of Harold about how he wanted his hair left long.

 

 

 

‘I want it cut short,’ repeated Joe. ‘Get all the curl out of it.’

 

 

 

Suddenly Ben realised what was behind their trip here. The boy was worried about the look of his hair. For the first time ever, Ben felt their roles reversed. ‘Surely not too short Joe,’ he said. ‘It’s a shame to cut off all those beautiful curls.’

 

 

 

‘Well nothing is gonna get the curl completely out,’ said Harold. ‘But I’ll cut it short if you want.’  He began to hack away at Joe’s hair while his father watched from behind.

 

 

 

‘Fancy boots,’ said Harold. ‘Get them in New Orleans?’

 

 

 

‘Yes,’ replied Joe shortly and immediately tucked his feet under the sheet. Wasn’t it enough that he felt the mark on his heel with every step that he took?  Now people were noticing his feet and drawing attention to them. Joe scowled into the mirror and caught his father looking at him, so he immediately changed the look into a smile. With every lock of his hair that fell to the ground he felt great satisfaction as if part of the last few weeks were falling away with it.  Unfortunately hair grew back as he well knew, and so he knew that he’d have to maintain the cut once he had it done.

 

 

 

By the time the barber had finished, Joe looked quite different.  Ben thought quite a bit younger, which only accentuated the vulnerability that his father knew was so much a part of him at the moment.  Joe stood up and looked at the floor upon which his curls were scattered. ‘Thanks,’ he mumbled and strode out, leaving his father to pay the bill.

 

 

 

‘Is Joe all right?’ asked Harold as he took the money. ‘He seems a bit agitated about something.’

 

 

 

Ben smiled. ‘He’s fine,’ he said. ‘Just tired from the trip that’s all.’ He walked outside to find Joe scratching his head and giving him a sheepish look.

 

 

 

‘My hat feels too big for me now,’ he said. ‘Maybe that wasn’t so smart.’

 

 

 

Ben put his arm around his son’s shoulder. ‘It’ll grow back,’ he said and saw a look of concern flit across his son’s face momentarily. ‘How about we get you some new clothes while we’re in here if you’re not too tired?’

 

 

 

Joe shrugged. ‘No I’m OK,’ he said. But the boy looked anything but OK when they entered the next shop. As soon as the shopkeeper began to hold up pieces of clothing the agitation that Ben had observed earlier came back again and he had the distinct feeling that his son couldn’t wait to get out of there.

 

 

 

‘They’re fine,’ he said to the shopkeeper as the man held up a couple of shirts.

 

 

 

‘Don’t you want to try them on?’ the man asked.

 

 

 

‘No. They’re fine,’ repeated Joe. He pulled the cuffs of his jacket down over his wrists to hide them and gave Ben a pleading look.

 

 

 

His father stepped forward, took the shirts and held them up against Joe’s chest. ‘No need to try them on,’ he said. ‘Joe’s right.  They’re fine. I’m sure it’s all right if you try on the pants in the back room though Joseph. Go in there and see if they fit.’

 

 

 

Joe shot his father a look of sheer relief and scampered into the back room quickly. Ben sighed as he sat down. He could well understand the boy’s reluctance to undress in front of anyone at the moment, and he hoped that his son’s concern was due to the marks on his body and nothing else.  Hopefully it would pass in time.

 

 

 

Later on as they were riding home, Ben hesitated as they passed the trail that led down to the lake.  Joe often wanted to stop there on the way to and from town and given his recent experiences, Ben was sure that he’d want to today.  Visiting his mother’s grave would be good for him, even if it might cause him to be a bit emotional and Ben was prepared to spend quite a bit of time with the boy there if he needed to.  He was surprised when Joe, however, stared ahead resolutely and kept riding.

 

 

 

‘Joe,’ he said as he caught up to his son. ‘I thought you might like to visit your mother’s grave today.  Do you want to stop for a few moments?’

 

 

 

Joe kept staring ahead. ‘I’m kinda tired Pa.  If you don’t mind I might go another time.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘Of course. Whatever you want son.’  He noticed his son’s reluctance to look at him as if he were worried about something. ‘It’s all right Joe. You don’t have to until you’re ready.’

 

 

 

Joe gave a slight nod and kept riding.

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

‘How about it shortshanks?’ asked Hoss at the dinner table. ‘It’s such a hot afternoon that a bit of fishing might be just the thing to do this afternoon.’

 

 

 

Joe looked at his brother sideways. ‘Ain’t you got work to do?’ he asked.

 

 

 

‘Cause I do!’ replied Hoss jovially. ‘Ain’t meaning ta do it though if Pa’ll agree ta me having the afternoon off!’ He looked at his father hopefully. The haunted look in his little brother’s eye was just about more than he could stand and he aimed to try anything to get rid of it. ‘How about it Pa?’ he asked. ‘It ain’t every day we have a family reunion.’

 

 

 

Ben smiled at him, knowing what was behind the request. ‘I think I can spare you for one afternoon,’ he said. ‘Why don’t all three of you go?’ He felt that an afternoon with his brothers would do the boy good.

 

 

 

‘How about it Adam?’ asked Hoss.

 

 

 

‘Fine,’ said Adam with a smile. ‘I’ve never turned down an afternoon off. Joe?’

 

 

 

Joe hesitated.  He still didn’t feel comfortable being with his brothers yet…just the thought that they knew what he’d been through was enough to make him feel…well he didn’t quite know what he felt yet. He shrugged. ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘I’m kinda tired.’

 

 

 

‘Then ya can sleep up at the lake,’ said Hoss, grinning at him. ‘Aw come on short shanks!  Ya not gonna deprive us of an afternoon off are ya?’

 

 

 

Joe shrugged again. ‘OK,’ he said without any enthusiasm in his voice.

 

 

 

‘Great!’ said Hoss. ‘I’ll go and get things ready.’

 

 

 

‘I’m glad you’re coming Joe,’ said Adam. ‘It’ll be good for you after all you’ve been through.’ He watched his brother carefully to gauge his reaction to his words.

 

 

 

‘Yeah sure,’ mumbled Joe and stood up. ‘I’ll go and … saddle Cochise.’ He practically ran from the room.

 

 

 

There was silence as Joe left. ‘Be careful with him,’ Ben said finally.

 

 

 

Adam stood up. ‘Aren’t I always?’ he replied. He put his hand on his father’s shoulder as he passed him. ‘Don’t worry Pa.  He’ll come back to us eventually. You said yourself to give him time.’

 

 

 

Ben put his hand over his son’s. ‘I know,’ he said. ‘Its just…I keep seeing him in my mind as he was when I found him. Tied up and…they kept him like an animal Adam.  I just don’t know if I’ll ever…’ his voice trailed away and tears formed in his eyes. ‘I’m sorry son,’ he said. ‘I guess I’m going to take some getting over this too.’

 

 

 

Adam looked at his father compassionately and noted the weariness that surrounded him. ‘Hoss and I couldn’t begin to understand what both of you went through down there Pa.  But anytime you need to we’re both here to listen and … well we’re here if you need us.’

 

 

 

Ben patted Adam’s hand again. ‘I know,’ he said. ‘I think I’ll go upstairs and rest while you’re all out this afternoon. We’re all going to need to be strong during the coming weeks and frankly at the moment I just don’t feel it.’ Adam watched his father wearily mount the stairs and turned to follow his brothers outside.

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

‘Whew! That’s better,’ said Hoss as he eased off his boots and socks and dangled his feet in the water alongside Adam’s. ‘Hey shortshanks!  Ain’t ya gonna take off ya boots?’

 

 

 

‘No.’

 

 

 

‘Aw go on.  It’s too hot ta leave em on ya know.’

 

 

 

Joe glared at him. ‘I said no,’ he said curtly.

 

 

 

Hoss looked at Adam and fell silent. Joe tucked his feet up under him and threw his line into the water and the three brothers sat alongside each other for quite a while enjoying the sunshine.

 

 

 

‘Pa told you didn’t he?’ asked Joe suddenly in a low voice.

 

 

 

‘Yep,’ said Hoss with another glance at Adam. ‘That’s why we’re so glad ta have ya back again.’ There was silence. ‘I’d kill em all fer ya if I could ya know Joe.’

 

 

 

Joe turned and smiled at his brother. ‘That’d really help,’ he said sarcastically. ‘Anyway the one that I really wanted dead already is.’

 

 

 

‘Just keep remembering that buddy,’ said Adam. ‘He can’t ever hurt you again.’

 

 

 

‘I know.’

 

 

 

‘None of em ever can!’ declared Hoss. ‘Ya’re home now and things can get back ta normal.’

 

 

 

Joe shook his head. ‘Things’ll never be the same again,’ he said in the same low voice. ‘I’m a different person now.’

 

 

 

‘You’re still our Joe though,’ said Adam, putting his hand on his brother’s shoulder in a rare display of affection.  Joe looked startled at the gesture. ‘Nothing can ever change you really unless you let it.’

 

 

 

‘You sound like Pa now,’ said Joe with a half-smile.

 

 

 

‘Well some of him is bound to rub off don’t you think?’ said Adam with a grin. ‘We’ve all listened to him often enough.’

 

 

 

Joe’s half-smile turned into a grin as well. ‘Sure have!’ he agreed.

 

 

 

‘You want to talk about it?’

 

 

 

Joe hesitated. ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘Part of me wants to forget all about it, but then…sometimes I just want to get it all out of me, you know?  Pa’s been great about it, but I don’t want to hurt him any more with it all.’

 

 

 

‘How could ya hurt him?’ asked Hoss.

 

 

 

‘Well he was real upset when he found me,’ said Joe. ‘I just think that talking about it might upset him more.  And…’ Adam and Hoss waited. ‘And then there’s that stuff about my mother you know.’

 

 

 

Adam frowned. ‘What do you mean?’

 

 

 

‘Well…I don’t know.’  Joe shrugged and hugged his knees tight to his chest. ‘It just seems…’ he shook his head and was silent.

 

 

 

Adam looked over at him and noticed the tears that were threatening to fall. He motioned to Hoss. ‘Hey! I got an idea!’ said Hoss. ‘How about the three of us go into town tonight and have a drink? Bet it’s been a while since you’ve done that eh Joe?’

 

 

 

Joe gave him a watery smile. ‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘Seems like forever.’  He closed his eyes for a moment and placed his head back onto his knees. ‘Think I’ll give it a miss though Hoss.  Maybe another time.’

 

 

 

Hoss nodded. ‘OK Joe.  Another time.’  He looked at Adam sadly.

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

Ben looked anxiously at his youngest son sitting beside him.  He wondered if he should have insisted that he didn’t come to Church today, but Joe was so insistent that he come that he just didn’t have the heart to argue with him. He knew that the boy was determined that everything should appear as normal and didn’t want anyone in town to wonder why he wasn’t around, but it seemed to Ben that he was pushing things too far and too early.

 

 

 

He listened as the Reverend gave his homily, acutely aware of his son’s increasing agitation beside him.  He placed a hand on Joe’s thigh and smiled at him, but the boy didn’t respond and stared straight ahead as if concentrating intently on the Reverend’s words.

 

 

 

Suddenly Joe stood up and rushed to the back door of the building, startling everyone with the intensity of his movements.  Hoss made to follow him, but Ben waved him back and stood up himself.  He gave the Reverend a smile of apology and hastened to catch up with his son outside.  Ben found Joe around the back of the church, leaning against the fence and breathing heavily. ‘Joe?’ he said as he approached him. ‘Are you all right son?’

 

 

 

Joe looked at his father. His arms were tightly wound around his waist and his eyes were flashing. ‘I’m fine!’ he said in a tight voice. ‘Leave me alone!’

 

 

 

Ben stood his ground. ‘Well it’s obvious that you’re not all right,’ he said. He took a step forward. ‘What is it?’

 

 

 

Him!’ Joe shouted as he pointed to the church. ‘I don’t have ta sit and listen to all that!’ He stumbled on his words in his haste to get them out. ‘All that talk about…. about God watching…about God looking out for us!  It’s all rubbish!’ Ben tried to put his arm around his son, but Joe shrugged him off. ‘Where was God when I needed him Pa?  Tell me that?  Where was he?’

 

 

 

‘Joe, I know it seems to you that God didn’t look after you when you needed him son, but it just isn’t so.  God is always…’

 

 

 

‘No!’ Joe pointed his finger at his father. ‘Don’t you tell me that!  He wasn’t there for me!  He’s not there for any of them!  Don’t you understand Pa?  It’s still going on down there!  Momma Katie and all of them…God’s not looking after them! He can’t be…otherwise He’d make sure that none of that stuff goes on! I don’t believe in Him anymore…not after everything that happened.’

 

 

 

‘Joseph!  You mustn’t say that son!  I know it seems hard to take but…’

 

 

 

Joe turned on his father. ‘Hard to take!’ he shouted. ‘You’ve got no idea Pa!  Hard to take?!’ He shook his head. ‘They treated me like an animal Pa!  They did things to me…’

 

 

 

‘I know.’

 

 

 

‘No you don’t! You’ve never had to stand up in front of people and be shown off like… like an animal and have people decide how much you cost!  Having them look me up and down and talk about…’  his voice trailed off and he hung his head and began to cry as his grip around his waist tightened. ‘Where was God that day Pa?  Where was He…you tell me!’

 

 

 

Ben took another step forward and gathered his son into his arms as Joe continued to sob. ‘I don’t know son,’ he said feeling his own tears begin to form. ‘I can’t answer you that.  I just don’t know. All I know is that God gave you back to me now and for that I’m thankful.  He did bring you back to me eventually Joe.  Keep that in mind.’

 

 

 

Joe sniffed on his father’s shoulder. ‘What about all the others?’ he said.

 

 

 

‘Joe not everyone in this world thinks like the people you came in contact with down there.  There are many good people who even as we speak are fighting against many of the injustices that are going on. I believe that one day it will end.’

 

 

 

Joe looked up at his father. ‘Do you?’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘Yes I do,’ he said. ‘Some people say that’s it’s coming to a head one day soon.  I only hope in my lifetime it’s resolved.’

 

 

 

‘And in the meantime?’

 

 

 

Ben shrugged. ‘Change takes time Joe. In the meantime we need to pray and hope for all those like Momma Katie. You do believe that don’t you?’

 

 

 

Joe shrugged. ‘I guess so.  I just don’t know any more. I don’t know if God’s there or not and that scares me. I feel like…I feel like I’m living in two different worlds at the moment.’  He looked around. ‘There’s all of this…and then there’s …down there.  I just can’t get it all out of my head and I don’t want to remember it any more.’  He wriggled his toes and felt the mark on his heel as he did every day. ‘It’s like I’m Joe Cartwright, but I’m also Joseph the…the slave.’  The last word was whispered as if he were afraid that someone would hear it.

 

 

 

‘You’re not …that…any longer,’ said his father. ‘All that is behind you now.’

 

 

 

Joe shook his head. ‘No,’ he said. ‘It’s none of it behind me Pa.  It’s still in me.’  He pulled up his sleeve and showed his father his bare arm. ‘See? That’s me.  That’s my skin…I’m coloured and there’s nothing…no papers or nothing that’ll change that.  I’m like it forever!’

 

 

 

‘You told me that you weren’t ashamed of that,’ said his father sternly. ‘There’s nothing to be ashamed of in your background Joseph.’

 

 

 

Joe turned away from his father. ‘I know I shouldn’t be,’ he said quietly. ‘I told you before it’s like being ashamed of…of her.’

 

 

 

Ben knew whom his son referred to. ‘You’re not ashamed of your mother.’

 

 

 

Joe hesitated. ‘No,’ he said. ‘I’m not ashamed of her Pa.  I just wish…I wish she hadn’t been born like she was.  You know, her mother being half-black and all. I wish I didn’t have any of that in me.’

 

 

 

‘Joe we are what we are,’ said Ben. ‘It doesn’t make you any less of a man.  Surely you should know that after all you’ve been through.’

 

 

 

Joe turned sharply as people started coming out of the church. He wiped his eyes quickly on the sleeve of his jacket and stood up straight. ‘Be careful Pa,’ he said anxiously. ‘Someone might hear.’

 

 

 

‘And if they did Joseph?’ asked Ben looking at his son’s face intently. ‘Would it matter?’

 

 

 

Joe looked shocked. ‘Of course it would matter!’ he said. ‘I don’t want anyone to know!’  He stepped forward and clutched his father’s arm. ‘You promised Pa!’ he said anxiously. ‘You promised that no one would know!’

 

 

 

Ben patted his son’s hand. ‘And I meant it,’ he said. ‘No one will ever know unless you choose to tell them son.  But I just want you to remember what I’ve said Joseph. It doesn’t make you any less of a man.’  He gazed into his son’s eyes. ‘Do you hear me?’

 

 

 

Joe nodded his head and rubbed his eyes again, but Ben noticed that he didn’t meet his father’s gaze. ‘Sure,’ he said unconvincingly. ‘We’d better go over there now or people will wonder what’s wrong.’ He pulled his father back over towards the group of people who were beginning to gather in the front yard of the church. Ben nodded briefly to Adam and Hoss who gave him questioning looks.

 

 

 

‘Ben!’ He turned at the sound of Paul Martin’s voice. ‘I heard you were back in town.’  The doctor smiled at them both and patted Joe on the back. ‘How was the trip?’

 

 

 

‘Fine,’ said Ben, forcing a smile on his face.

 

 

 

‘Are you all right Joe?’ asked the doctor kindly. ‘I saw you run out of church before.’

 

 

 

‘Yeah I’m fine,’ mumbled Joe. ‘Just had ta go to the outhouse that’s all.’

 

 

 

Paul frowned as he looked at the youngster standing beside him. ‘Are you sure?’ he asked. ‘You look a bit pale and your eyes are…’

 

 

 

‘I’m fine!’ said Joe. ‘I’m gonna wait in the buggy Pa.’

 

 

 

Paul turned his gaze on Ben as Joe left them. ‘Ben I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to upset the boy, but it’s just that he looks a bit peaky. Do you want me to take a look at him for you?’

 

 

 

Ben shook his head. ‘No. He’s just a bit tired still from the trip that’s all,’ he said.  Paul looked unconvinced. ‘He just needs a few days rest Paul.  He’ll be fine. Now, tell me what’s been going on in town while I’ve been away.’

 

 

 

But Ben’s mind was far from the events in town as he listened to his friend.  His eyes kept darting over to the youngster hunched over in the buggy and his mind was focused on a prayer for his son to be at peace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

Joe drew the brush across Cochise’s back lovingly with a wide sweep and patted his horse as he worked. ‘You’re a good fella ain’t ya boy?  Did ya miss me when I was away?’  He frowned as his hand rested on the pinetree brand that marked the horse as one of their own and he shut his eyes as the memory came back to him yet again of the day they had held him down and put a similar mark on his own skin. He felt himself begin to sweat and go clammy as the horrific feeling swept over him yet again. ‘I’m sorry boy,’ he said softly as he laid his head on the horse’s flank. ‘I’m so sorry we did that to you.’

 

 

 

A noise behind him startled him and he quickly wiped his tears away with one hand while he pretended to work. He didn’t turn at the sound of his brother’s voice, but kept his head down as he brushed. ‘How are you this morning Joe?’ asked Adam.

 

 

 

‘Fine,’ he said as he continued to brush. ‘Just getting chores done.’

 

 

 

Adam moved to stand beside him. ‘I’m going into town to get some supplies.  Thought you might like to come.’

 

 

 

Joe forced a smile on his face as he turned to face his brother. ‘Sure,’ he said brightly. ‘I’ll just finish up here first.’

 

 

 

Adam leant against the wooden railing of the stall as he watched his brother work. He absentmindedly patted the muzzle of the black horse in the stall next to him.  ‘I guess you’re glad to see old Cooch again eh?’ he asked. ‘I swear that horse missed you while you were gone.’

 

 

 

Joe patted the horse’s flank. ‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘Me and Cooch is real happy to be together again, ain’t we boy?’ He kept brushing. ‘Never thought I’d say it, but I really missed doing this chore while I was gone. Although…’  Adam waited. ‘Although sometimes they let me work with the horses. They had some nice ones.’

 

 

 

‘Not as nice as Cochise though I’ll bet.’

 

 

 

Joe shook his head. ‘There’s no horse as good as Coochie.’

 

 

 

Adam continued to pat the muzzle of the horse next to him. ‘Oh I don’t know,’ he said with a grin. ‘This gal here’d give him a run for his money.’

 

 

 

Joe returned the grin. ‘She’s new ain’t she?  I don’t remember seeing her in here before.’

 

 

 

‘Mmm.  We got her while you were away. Hoss bought her from Ab Jenkins.  Thought she’d bring in some new blood. We should be able to breed some pure stock from this one.’

 

 

 

Joe felt the blood beginning to pound in his head as his brother’s words brought an unpleasant memory into his mind.  He shook his head as he tried to get rid of it and concentrated on the horse’s flank in front of him.

 

 

 

Joe led the horse out of the stall and waited. Daniel came over to pat the animal before taking the reins. ‘Beautiful animal isn’t he?’ Joe indicated his assent with a slight nod of his head. ‘We bred him ourselves you know.  We maintain pure bloodlines around here if we can – in animals and slaves!’  He looked directly at Joe with a sneer. ‘My uncle has it in mind for you to be quite useful in that department as well.’

 

 

 

 

 

‘You know I think this mare is going to make us quite a bit of money,’ continued Adam, oblivious to his younger brother’s distress. ‘We’ll just have to breed her with the right…’

 

 

 

‘Stop it!’ said Joe sharply.

 

 

 

Adam looked at his brother strangely. ‘What?’ he asked. ‘What’s the matter?  I was only saying that we’ll get some great colts from her if we…’

 

 

 

Joe dropped the brush and turned to glare at his brother. ‘Stop it!’ he repeated. ‘Don’t talk like that!’  His eyes became unfocussed and he swayed slightly as he felt himself losing control of his emotions and began to panic.

 

 

 

 

 

Momma Katie patted him on the shoulder. ‘Just what ya need I reckon.  They’ll find ya a nice one too.  Boy with your looks and light colour, they’ll get lots o pretty little ones from ya that’s for sure!’

 

 

 

 

 

Adam stepped forward to steady him. ‘Joe?’ he said anxiously. ‘Are you alright?’

 

 

 

Joe threw his brother’s arms away from him and stepped back. ‘Don’t touch me!’ he yelled. ‘Don’t you come near me talking like that!’  He whirled around and searched for a way out of the stall, his arms flailing wildly.

 

 

 

‘Hey buddy calm down,’ said Adam, beginning to panic along with his brother.  He didn’t know what had caused this reaction from him, but he knew that he had to try and get the boy calm before he could talk some sense into him. He reached out for his brother again, but Joe pushed him away as he stumbled out of the stall and fell to his knees in the hay.

 

 

 

‘No!’ he cried over and over again. ‘You can’t do it!  I won’t let you do it to me!  No!’

 

 

 

‘Joseph!’

 

 

 

Adam looked up to see his father and Hoss standing in the doorway. ‘Adam what happened?’ asked Ben as he surveyed the scene in front of him.

 

 

 

Adam shook his head and he watched his little brother writhing on the floor in front of them. ‘I don’t know,’ he said distressed. ‘One minute we were talking about the horses and the next he was carrying on like this.  I must have said something wrong, but I don‘t know what.’

 

 

 

Ben bent down and knelt in front of Joe who was still sobbing on the floor. ‘Joseph?’ he said gently. ‘It’s Pa.  Look at me son.  It’s all right.’

 

 

 

Joe looked up at his father, his tear-streaked face a picture of fear and confusion. ‘Pa?’ he said. ‘Don’t let them!’  He clutched at his father desperately. ‘Please don’t let them Pa!’

 

 

 

Ben stroked his son’s hair. ‘I won’t let them Joe. It’s all right now son.  Your Pa’s here.’

 

 

 

Joe continued to clutch at his father. ‘You won’t let them will you?  You…oh God!  I can’t stay here any more!  I can’t live like this!’

 

 

 

Ben drew his son to him and held him tightly, murmuring to him as he rocked him backwards and forwards.  Hoss stared wide-eyed at them both. ‘Pa?’ he said softly. ‘You want me to carry him upstairs?’

 

 

 

Ben shook his head. No,’ he said. ‘Just go out and leave me alone with him.  Both of you.’ He continued to croon to his son as he watched the other two walk outside.  He could feel the boy’s heart beating wildly against his own chest and his shoulders heaving with his sobs.  It took several minutes for him to calm him sufficiently to loosen him a little, and when he did he drew him back and looked into his face. ‘Joe?’ he said.

 

 

 

Joe looked up at his father, hiccuping on his sobs as he tried to stop. Ben smoothed his hair and smiled down at him. ‘Are you listening to me son?’  Joe nodded. ‘No one is going to hurt you now, do you hear me?  Whatever it is that upset you is over now.  I want you to just calm down.’  Joe nodded again and struggled to get his breathing under control.

 

 

 

After a few moments he sat up and looked at his father. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said softly as he wiped his eyes on his sleeve. ‘I didn’t mean to do that.’

 

 

 

Ben continued to stroke his hair. ‘What happened?’ he asked. ‘Did Adam say something to upset you?’

 

 

 

Joe stared at his father. ‘No,’ he said shortly.  There was no way that he could think of to explain his thoughts to his father and he didn’t want to hurt the man by admitting what the episode had been about.

 

 

 

‘What were you thinking about?’ asked his father. ‘What was it you didn’t want them to do to you?’

 

 

 

Joe’s eyes opened wide and he looked away from his father. ‘I don’t remember,’ he said.

 

 

 

‘Was it when they…when they hurt your foot son?’

 

 

 

Joe shook his head. ‘No. I can’t talk about it Pa.  I don’t want to.’

 

 

 

‘All right, you don’t have to then,’ replied his father. ‘But when you want to I’ll be ready to listen.’

 

 

 

Joe nodded and tried to smile at his father. ‘Thanks,’ he said and stood up. ‘I suppose I’d better go and apologize to Adam.’

 

 

 

‘He’ll understand son, there’s no need to,’ said Ben as he stood beside him. ‘Both your brothers understand how difficult this is for you.’

 

 

 

Joe stood silently. ‘Just take it one step at a time Joseph, all right?’  Ben watched as his son walked back to his horse and began to rub him down again. He sighed as he turned and walked out of the barn.

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

Joe listened to the slow footsteps behind him and closed his eyes. You can do this Joe.  Don’t let him know how scared you are. Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing! He heard the swish of something that cut through the air and jerked as Daniel’s laugh washed over him.

 

 

 

‘Don’t be so jumpy Joseph, just getting ready that’s all.’  Daniel came around to face Joe again and held up a long leather strap in his hand. ‘Just be grateful it’s not the whip I’d like to use on you. You can thank my uncle for that!’

 

 

 

Joe went cold as Daniel disappeared again. Just get it over with you bastard! Again he heard a swish through the air and felt his whole body tense as a sharp pain cut across his back. He bit his lip and closed his eyes even tighter. Another swish and another sharp cut across his back caused him to jerk forwards into the post and he screamed inside his head. God! Stop it, just stop it!

 

 

 

 

 

With a cry, Joe sat up in bed and found himself trembling violently.  This time the dream had seemed so real…as if he had been right then and it was happening to him all over again. He put his face in his hands and tried to control his breathing, listening to his heart which seemed about ready to come bouncing out of his chest at any moment it was beating so fast.

 

 

 

He bit his lip as he tried to stop himself from calling out again.  The last thing he wanted was for his father or one of his brothers hearing him yet again and coming in to see if he was all right. He didn’t want them to be any more concerned about him than they already were.  The look in his father’s eyes alone was enough to make him want to pretend that everything was as fine as they could expect when in fact he felt himself sinking lower and lower into a nightmare world of memories.  When would it all end?  His father kept saying to give it time and he honestly was trying to…but it was just so hard.  Every time he found himself thinking it was getting a bit better the memories just came back again and he found himself just like now.

 

 

 

Joe got out of his bed and walked towards the window and stared out at the night sky.  He wondered what Momma Katie was doing right about now and wished for the hundredth time that she had come home with him when Pa had offered to buy her. It seemed so unfair that she was still down there living the life that … he turned away from the window and stared at his mother’s framed picture on his dresser. Carefully he picked it up and cradled it in his hands.

 

 

 

‘I’m sorry Mama,’ he said softly. ‘I don’t want to feel like this about you but…I just can’t help it.  I’m glad you didn’t know about it.  I’m glad you didn’t live to see it, cause…’ he swallowed. ‘Cause it might have been you and not me that they’d done it to.’  The thought made him shiver and he placed the picture back on the dresser again and faced the open window.

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

Joe leant on the fence and watched Hoss and the men driving the group of strays into the corral. He waved to his brother and smiled at him. ‘Hi!’ he said. ‘Took you plenty of time to get back didn’t it?’

 

 

 

Hoss got off his horse and strode over to him. ‘Some of us get out working hard all day and that’s the greeting we get,’ he said. ‘It’s all right fer others that get ta lounge around all day here.’ He cuffed his younger brother playfully on the head.

 

 

 

‘Lounge around?’ said Joe, pretending to be indignant. ‘I’ll have you know that Pa’s had me going all day without a single break.’

 

 

 

‘Yeah right!’ said Hoss with a grin. ‘Some people just find themselves in the lap of luxury without even knowing it.’  He reached over and put his little brother’s head under his arm and pretended to pull on it.

 

 

 

Ben came out of the barn with Adam in time to witness the scene.  He smiled as he watched, thankful that Joseph had come so far in this past week to allow his brother to joke around with him this much. It did his heart good to see it.  It seemed like forever since he had heard his youngest son’s unmistakeable giggle as he was hearing now. He winked at Hoss, grateful that he’d managed to get Joe to this point.

 

 

 

‘Well what’s going on here?’ he asked, feigning displeasure. ‘I turn my back on you two for a couple of minutes and already you’re off the job.’

 

 

 

Hoss let go of Joe’s head. ‘Aw Pa!  It was this young’un here!  He’s trying to make out that I ain’t been working when I’ve just brought in all these strays.’  He grinned at Joe who returned the look.

 

 

 

‘You found all these out in the North Section?’ asked Adam as he leant on the fence. ‘I hadn’t realised we’d missed so many.’

 

 

 

‘Seems we did,’ replied Hoss. ‘Don’t worry older brother. ‘I’ll get onto them tomorrow and make sure they’re all marked and ready to go back.’

 

 

 

Ben shot a look at Joe who had become very still and quiet. ‘I’d prefer you did that down in the bottom pasture son,’ he said quickly.

 

 

 

‘Why?’ asked Hoss puzzled. ‘We’d only have ta take all the branding irons down there.  Seems a waste to move em all twice.’

 

 

 

Joe turned from his brothers and walked a few steps away from the corral. ‘Nevertheless I’d prefer it,’ said his father, giving both Adam and Hoss a meaningful look. ‘The bottom pasture Hoss.’

 

 

 

Hoss shrugged and gave his father a puzzled look. ‘Sure thing Pa,’ he said. ‘If that’s what you want.’  He glanced at Adam who shrugged.

 

 

 

Ben stepped over to Joe and put his arm around his shoulder. ‘Joe,’ he said. ‘I’d like you to come with me for a few minutes.  There’s something in the barn I need you to look at.’

 

 

 

Joe walked with his father willingly, anxious to get away from the conversation. As they entered the barn he turned to face his father. ‘Thanks,’ he said simply. ‘I guess you know I couldn’t stand hearing that.’

 

 

 

‘Of course I know,’ said Ben. ‘Your brother didn’t mean anything by it Joseph.  He doesn’t know about your foot and he never would have meant to hurt you with his remarks.’

 

 

 

‘I know. I just have to get used to things like that I guess.’

 

 

 

Ben smiled at him. ‘Just not quite yet eh?’

 

 

 

Joe returned the smile with a weak one of his own. ‘No,’ he acknowledged. ‘Just not quite yet.’

 

 

 

‘How about going into town with Adam this afternoon to get the mail?’ asked Ben. ‘The trip would do you good.’

 

 

 

Joe gave him a genuine smile this time. ‘Yeah sure,’ he said and turned to go.

 

 

 

‘Joe?’ said Ben.

 

 

 

‘Yes?’ Joe turned back again to face his father.

 

 

 

‘I’m proud of you son,’ said Ben. ‘You’re facing up to this real well and trying to handle it.’

 

 

 

Joe gave him a full grin. ‘Thanks Pa,’ he said. He hesitated and then walked towards his father again and flung his arms around him. ‘I love you,’ he said.

 

 

 

Ben returned the hug. ‘I love you too son,’ he said with tears in his eyes. He gave his son a gentle push away from him and swatted him on the backside. ‘Now get!’ he said with a twinkle in his eyes.  Joe grinned at him and left the barn.

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

‘I don’t think Pa would mind if we had drink,’ said Adam. ‘How about it Joe?’

 

 

 

Joe hesitated for only the slightest moment. ‘I think I’m up to it,’ he said with a cheeky look. ‘As long as you’re paying older brother.’

 

 

 

Adam laughed. ‘Now how did I know that you’d say that?’ he said. ‘All right!  Come on then.’

 

 

 

The two brothers walked side by side over to the Saloon where Adam ordered two beers. ‘Now don’t you go asking for another one,’ warned Adam. ‘One is all you’re getting.’

 

 

 

‘I’ll try and cope,’ said Joe with his best puppy-dog expression. He looked around the Saloon. ‘It seems like forever since we did this, don’t it?’

 

 

 

‘It has been,’ replied Adam. ‘I’m really glad you’re feeling better now Joe. You seem so much more like your old self.’

 

 

 

‘I feel it,’ said Joe. ‘There are days when I feel really awful still, but they’re less and less I guess. Maybe Pa was right and it gets better with time.’

 

 

 

‘Everything does.’

 

 

 

‘Yeah I guess.  It won’t ever leave completely though. I still feel….’

 

 

 

Adam shot a look at his brother who had gone as white as a sheet. ‘What’s the matter?’ he asked as he leant forward in his chair.

 

 

 

Joe didn’t answer him, but put down his beer and stared over Adam’s shoulder.  Adam turned and looked, but saw nothing. ‘What is it Joe?’ he asked again.

 

 

 

Joe stood up. ‘I want to go home,’ he said in a faint voice. ‘Let’s get out of here.’

 

 

 

Adam frowned. ‘You haven’t even had your drink yet,’ he said. ‘Sit down Joe.  It’s all right.’

 

 

 

Joe shook his head and began to breathe deeply. ‘No!’ he said anxiously. ‘I gotta get out of here Adam. Now!’ he said urgently. ‘Please!’

 

 

 

Adam stood up and gripped his brother’s arm. ‘OK buddy hang on,’ he said. ‘Come on.’  He guided the youngster towards the door and onto the street. Joe stood still, looking up and down the street intently. ‘What is it Joe,’ said Adam. ‘Did you see something?’  Joe stared at his brother and nodded, his face pale and sweaty. ‘What?’

 

 

 

Joe gripped onto Adam’s arm. ‘Don’t leave me!’ he said urgently and Adam was surprised to see that there were tears in his eyes.

 

 

 

‘I’m not going to leave you buddy,’ he said. ‘What is it?’

 

 

 

‘I want… I have ta go home,’ said Joe urgently, looking up and down the street again. ‘Please! Now!’

 

 

 

Adam pulled his brother towards their horses. He didn’t know what was going on, but one thing was for sure he knew that he had to get Joe out of there immediately before the boy collapsed on him. He pushed Joe into the saddle and got up onto his own horse. ‘Come on,’ he said. ‘We’ll…’  But before he could get the words out Joe had turned Cochise and was galloping down the main street as if his life depended on it. ‘Joe!’ called Adam. ‘Wait for me!’  He turned and galloped off after his brother.

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

Ben looked up as the front door banged open and Joseph flew through it, followed closely by Adam.  He stood up as he looked at his son’s face which was a mixture of grief and despair. ‘Pa!’ shouted Joe.

 

 

 

‘I’m here Joseph,’ called Ben. ‘What is it?’ Joe flung himself into his father’s arms and clung to him as if he would never let him go. Ben looked at Adam over the top of the boy’s head. ‘What?’ he asked.

 

 

 

Adam shrugged and held his hands up. ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘We were having a drink in the Saloon and then Joe just up and says he had to get home. He won’t tell me what’s wrong.’

 

 

 

Ben tried to walk over to the sofa with his son, but Joe wouldn’t budge. He clung onto his father even tighter. ‘Joseph let me move,’ said his father ‘Over here boy and sit down.’ Joe shook his head and continued to hold onto his father. ‘Joseph,’ Ben tried again. ‘What is it?’

 

 

 

Joe didn’t answer, and his breathing began to quicken up again. Ben gave Adam a frustrated look. Adam stepped forward. ‘Joe you’re hurting Pa,’ he said as he tried to peel his little brother off his father, only to have Joe hit out at him.

 

 

 

Ben stroked the boy’s head. ‘It’s alright Joe,’ he said. ‘Just tell me what you saw.’

 

 

 

Joe looked at his father with wide-horror. ‘It was him!’ he said. ‘He’s here!’

 

 

 

Ben frowned. ‘Who’s here?’ he asked.

 

 

 

‘Barker!  I saw him on the street outside the Saloon.’

 

 

 

‘Barker?’ asked Adam.

 

 

 

‘The overseer,’ explained Ben. ‘Joe you couldn’t have seen him son.  He wouldn’t be here.’

 

 

 

Joe drew away from his father. ‘Yes!  Yes he’s here!  I saw him Pa… it was him!’

 

 

 

Ben looked at his son with a worried expression. ‘Joe, I know you’re very uptight about all this son, but…’

 

 

 

Joe let go of his father. ‘You don’t believe me do you?’ he shouted. ‘I did see him Pa. I know I did!’

 

 

 

Ben looked at Adam and shook his head. ‘All right,’ he said. ‘If you saw him, then what would he be doing here?  We are a long way from Alabama son and Barker just wouldn’t make that trip for no reason.’

 

 

 

Joe shook his head. ‘Don’t you see?’ he said almost in hysterics. ‘He’s come for me!’

 

 

 

Ben stepped forward. ‘Now Joseph that’s just plain nonsense son,’ he said. ‘Barker wouldn’t come for you.’

 

 

 

Joe’s voice rose to fever pitch. ‘Yes! Yes he would!  You don’t know them Pa!  You don’t know what they’re like!  He’s come for me!’  He flung himself on his father again. ‘Please don’t let him take me!  Please don’t let him Pa!”  He slid onto the floor, still clutching his father now around the legs as he looked up at him and begged. ‘Please Pa!  Don’t let him take me!’

 

 

 

‘Good Lord!’ exclaimed Adam behind him.  He gave his father a shocked look. ‘Pa….’

 

 

 

Ben knelt down next to his son and held his face in his cupped hand. ‘Joseph listen to me,’ he said quietly. ‘No one is going to take you anywhere.  Even if this man is in town he can’t hurt you.  He can’t take you anywhere Joe…do you understand me son?’  He stared intently into his son’s eyes. ‘No one is taking you anywhere Little Joe.  You are staying here with me.’

 

 

 

Joe stopped sobbing and stared into his father’s eyes. He gulped for air for a moment and then began to quiet down, never taking his eyes off those of his father’s. ‘Yes,’ he said faintly.

 

 

 

Ben stood up and pulled his boy to a standing position beside him. ‘Adam get some brandy,’ he instructed as he walked Joe over to the sofa and sat him down. ‘Joseph listen to me son,’ he said. ‘This man has no hold over you remember? ‘ Joe nodded as he kept staring into his father’s eyes. ‘He didn’t own you.  He only worked for Edwards remember?’  Joe nodded again. ‘And even if he did Joe, you don’t have to fear him now.  You are free and you have the papers to prove it.’  Ben reached out for the glass that Adam held out to him and forced it to his son’s lips and forced him to drink it. Joe spluttered as the last of the alcohol went down his throat.

 

 

 

‘Pa?’ he said as he pushed the glass away. ‘I need them papers.’  His eyes searched wildly around the room.

 

 

 

‘It’s all right son.  They’re in the safe.  Remember?’ Ben said gently.

 

 

 

‘I need em Pa!’ said Joe, beginning to get agitated again. ‘Please! I want to see em!’

 

 

 

Ben nodded to Adam who went over to the safe and pulled out the papers. Joe grabbed them from his brother’s hand and stuffed them inside his jacket as if his life depended on them, which in fact he felt it did.

 

 

 

Ben stroked his son’s hair. ‘Listen to me Joseph,’ he said. ‘We’re going back into town and…’

 

 

 

Joe leapt off the sofa. ‘No!’ he shouted. ‘I ain’t going in there!  He’ll get me!’

 

 

 

Ben stood up beside him. ‘Son…’

 

 

 

‘No!’ Joe turned and sprinted up the stairs and Ben and Adam heard the slamming of his bedroom door.

 

 

 

‘Pa!’ said Adam with a shocked look on his face. ‘I had no idea!’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘I told you how he was,’ he said. ‘You didn’t see him down there Adam. ‘Now you can begin to understand just what they did to him.’

 

 

 

‘If just the thought of that man does this to him, then I’m glad I never did witness it all,’ said Adam sitting down on the sofa with a stunned expression on his face. ‘How did you stand it Pa?’

 

 

 

Ben sat down next to him. ‘I had no choice,’ he said quietly. ‘But what I witnessed was nothing compared to all that your brother went through Adam.’  He looked at the stairs where Joe had run. ‘For his own peace of mind we have to end this.  If Barker is in town then I need to know it so that he can be dealt with. ‘If he isn’t in town, then Joe needs to know it once and for all.’

 

 

 

Adam stood up. ‘I’ll take Hoss with me,’ he said. ‘What do you want us to do if we find him?’

 

 

 

Ben shook his head. ‘Nothing,’ he said. ‘Just come back and tell me if he’s there or not.  After all, the man hasn’t exactly done anything has he?’

 

 

 

Not here he hasn’t,’ said Adam with a scowl. ‘On second thoughts I’ll go alone.  Who knows what Hoss might do if he comes into contact with a man like that.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘Adam?’

 

 

 

‘Yes?’

 

 

 

‘Do nothing,’ repeated his father. ‘Just find out if he’s there and come back home again. Understood?’

 

 

 

‘Understood,’ replied Adam.

 

 

 

Ben stood up and walked towards the stairs.

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

The first thing that struck him as he entered Joe’s bedroom was the way in which the boy was seated.  He was huddled on his bed in a tight ball as he rocked, one hand clutching his papers firmly in his hand and the other massaging his foot.

 

 

 

‘Is it hurting?’ asked Ben as he sat down on the bed next to him.

 

 

 

Joe shook his head. ‘No,’ he said.

 

 

 

‘Your brother has gone into town to check out about Barker,’ said Ben.

 

 

 

‘He ain’t gonna tell him where I am is he?’ asked Joe looking at his father.

 

 

 

Ben shook his head. ‘No,’ he said. ‘Don’t worry Joseph. ‘He’s just going to find out where Barker is, that’s all.’

 

 

 

Joe nodded and started rocking again.  Ben placed his hands on his son’s shoulders to keep him still. ‘Joe,’ he said. ‘I want you to look at me son.’ Joe looked at his father. ‘If this man is in town…’

 

 

 

‘He’s there!’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘I’m going to have to talk to him.’

 

 

 

‘No!’

 

 

 

‘If I don’t then we won’t know why he’s here, will we?’

 

 

 

‘He’s here to take me away!’ Joe clutched his papers tightly.

 

 

 

Ben sighed. ‘We don’t know that Joe,’ he said gently. ‘We have to be sure what he wants don’t we?’

 

 

 

‘I suppose so.  But I ain’t gonna see him!’

 

 

 

‘I don’t expect you to,’ replied Ben. ‘I’m going to deal with this. You don’t have to have anything to do with the man.  All right?’

 

 

 

Joe nodded. ‘Yes,’ he said.

 

 

 

Ben tried to push the boy back on his bed. ‘Lay down and relax,’ he said. ‘You aren’t going to help anything by worrying about it.’

 

 

 

Joe lay down, still clutching his papers to his chest.  He stared at the ceiling for a long time in silence before speaking. ‘Remember when they took me away that day in the jail?’ he said.

 

 

 

Ben closed his eyes. The sight of his son bound and being dragged across the floor while he stood helpless in the cell next to him would haunt him forever. ‘Yes,’ he said quietly.

 

 

 

‘I promised you something that day Pa.  Do you remember what it was?’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘Yes Joe I do,’ he said. ‘I made you promise that you would do whatever it took to keep safe.’

 

Joe rolled over onto his side so that he faced his father. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘And I aim to do it again Pa.  I’m gonna do whatever it takes to keep safe because I ain’t going back there again.  I swear to you that I won’t let it happen.  I’d rather die right here than go back to that place.’

 

 

 

Ben jerked at the intensity in his son’s voice and face. ‘Joe,’ he said. ‘There’s no need to talk like that. You don’t need to do anything son.’  Joe lay still and stared at his father. ‘Do you think for one moment that I’d let anything like that ever happen to you again?’

 

 

 

Joe shrugged. ‘You couldn’t stop em last time Pa,’ he said. ‘Believe me you won’t have to worry about it this time, cause I aim to stop em before they get the chance to take me!’

 

 

 

Ben put his hand over his eyes. ‘I don’t want to hear you talk like that Joseph,’ he said. ‘There’s no need for it son.’

 

 

 

Joe rolled over and faced the wall with his back to his father. Ben reached out and put a hand on his head as father and son remained silent together.

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

‘He’s there all right,’ said Adam grimly. ‘I thought he’d be under some kind of assumed name at least, but he’s staying at The International House under his own name.  He arrived on this morning’s stage.’

 

 

 

‘You’re sure it’s him?’ asked Ben.

 

 

 

‘Well as sure as I can be,’ replied Adam. ‘As I said, he’s registered under the name of Barker.  I got a look at him too.  He’s heavy-set, with thinning reddish-brown hair.

 

 

 

‘That’s him,’ said Ben. ‘What was he doing?’

 

 

 

Adam shrugged. ‘Nothing.  Just walking around town.  It’s as if he wanted to be found.’ Ben’s eyes narrowed. ‘Where’s Joe?’ asked Adam. ‘Has he calmed down any?’

 

 

 

‘A bit,’ replied his father. ‘Hoss is upstairs with him in his bedroom. He still insists that Barker is here to take him away.’

 

 

 

‘Well I don’t see how he can. From what you told us he’s got no authority over the boy.  No one has.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘That’s right,’ he said. ‘But he’s up to something.’  He strode over to the front door and began to put on his gun-belt. ‘And I aim to find out what it is.  Stay with your brother Adam.  He’s going to need both you and Hoss here while I’m gone.’

 

 

 

‘But Pa, don’t you think one of us should go with you?’ asked Adam.

 

 

 

‘No.  I’m capable of handling whatever this Barker has in mind,’ replied his father. ‘It’s important that Joe is looked after while I’m doing it.

 

 

 

Adam nodded. ‘All right,’ he said. ‘Have you told Hoss what’s going on?’

 

 

 

‘Yes. And that’s another reason for you staying here,’ said Ben grimly. ‘I need you to keep an eye on him too.  I don’t want him going off half-cocked.’  He looked at his son as he opened the door. ‘I’m counting on you Adam,’ he said. ‘I’ll be home as soon as I can.’

 

 

 

Adam sighed as the front door closed behind his father.

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

‘Well that didn’t take very long,’ said Barker as he opened the door to Ben’s knock. ‘Come in.’

 

 

 

‘You were expecting me?’

 

 

 

‘Of course,’ the man said simply.

 

 

 

‘What do you want Barker?’

 

 

 

Barker hesitated. ‘How’s Joseph?’ he said. ‘Better than the last time I saw him I hope?’

 

 

 

‘I asked you what you wanted?’

 

 

 

Barker turned and walked across the room towards the window. ‘Such a beautiful piece of merchandise that boy,’ he said. ‘I could understand how Edwards prized him so highly.’

 

 

 

Ben took a step forward, his fists clenched. ‘If you make one move towards my son I’ll see you dead!’ he said in a threatening voice.

 

 

 

Barker opened his eyes wide. ‘Hurt Joseph?’ he said in mock innocence. ‘Whatever would make you think that I’d hurt the boy?  Oh no Cartwright, he’s too valuable to risk harming.’

 

 

 

Ben held a finger up under the man’s nose. ‘That boy is free!’ he said. ‘I personally had the papers drawn up and they are in my possession.  You have no legal right to act on your behalf or that of Edwards if that’s what you’re here for!’

 

 

 

‘You’ve got it all wrong Cartwright!’ said Barker with a smile. ‘I’m not here for Edwards.  As a matter of fact he and I had a disagreement soon after you left and I’m not in his employment any more.’

 

 

 

‘Then what are you doing here?’ demanded Ben.

 

 

 

‘You know, it always struck how much you must think of that boy,’ mused Barker. ‘The day you came storming into Edwards house and demanded he sell him to you.  Remember that?’ Ben glared at him, but said nothing. ‘Well I was amazed when I came in to witness your signatures,’ continued Barker. ‘You plonked down $30 000 without blinking.’  He smiled. ‘I began to say to myself, Barker.. if this man has that much money to throw around on a slave then just think how much he must be worth.’

 

 

 

Ben frowned. ‘So it’s blackmail is it?’ he asked. ‘You’ve come here for money?’

 

 

 

Barker put his hands up. ‘Of course,’ he said calmly. ‘You don’t think I want the boy do you? I may have worked for slave owners Cartwright, but it don’t mean that I’m one myself.  No…a boy like that is worth a fortune to those who want him…personally, I’d rather have the fortune.’

 

 

 

Ben drew a deep breath. ‘You’ll get nothing from me!’ he declared. ‘I told you I have the papers to prove that Joseph is free!’

 

 

 

‘I know.  I checked in Alabama before I left,’ said Barker. ‘It was all done legal like.’

 

 

 

‘Then what?’

 

 

 

‘I did some checking about you and your family back in New Orleans,’ the man continued. ‘And what I found out here in Virginia City confirms my suspicions.’  He leant forward. ‘You’re quite a big wheel around these parts ain’t ya?  Wonder what people would say if they knew the truth about that precious boy of yours?  Wonder what they’d say if they knew he was nothing more than a nigger?’

 

 

 

Ben strode forward and pulled the man forward by the collar so that he was looking directly into his eyes. ‘You get out of this town or I’ll have you thrown out1’ he said in a low voice as he threw him back against the wall.

 

 

 

Barker picked himself up and dusted off his jacket. ‘Really?’ he said coolly. ‘And just how are you going to do that? I’ve committed no crime.  I’ve done nothing wrong.  I’m simply a traveller passing through that’s all.’  He smiled at Ben. ‘Face it Cartwright I’ve got you over a barrel with this one.  It’s the money or your kid’s reputation. No choice really is there?’

 

 

 

Ben took a deep breath. ‘How much?’ he said.

 

 

 

Barker shrugged. ‘I’m not a greedy man. I figure you owe me at least what you paid Edwards though. $30 000 should do it.’ Ben’s eyes widened. ‘I’ll have it by Friday,’ said Barker. ‘I’ll be on the stage to San Francisco by noon.’ Ben turned his back on the man and walked to the door. ‘That’s if you pay up,’ Barker continued. ‘If you don’t, then I guess I’ll just have to stay in town for a while longer.  I’ll have some things to talk about won’t I?’

 

 

 

Ben gave him a withering look and slammed the door behind him.  He heard Barker’s laughter through the doorway as he walked towards the staircase, his head pounding with the blood that threatened to explode inside it.  He banged his fist on the top of the banister as he marched down the stairs.

 

---

Chapter 2:

‘$30 000!’ exclaimed Adam. ‘He’s got to be joking!’

 

 

 

Ben saw the pained look that flitted across Joe’s face at his brother’s words and he hastened to say. ‘This is no joke Adam.’

 

 

 

‘That’s not what I meant,’ said Adam, stealing a look at Joe. ‘I just meant that he can’t hope to get away with it.’

 

 

 

‘I’ll take the $30 000 out of his hide!’ declared Hoss. ‘When I get my hands on that guy I’ll…’

 

 

 

‘You’ll do nothing of the kind!’ said Ben angrily. ‘That’s the very thing that will lead to trouble.’

 

 

 

Hoss hung his head. ‘There’s no way I’m gonna let that poor excuse fer a human being talk about my brother like that!’ he said angrily.

 

 

 

‘He ain’t gonna say nothing about me,’ said Joe. ‘He’ll just take the money and go.’

 

 

 

Ben looked at his youngest son. Since he had heard that Barker wanted money and wasn’t after taking him anywhere, Ben could sense the relief in the boy.  But he was still very agitated about the man being close by and obviously wanted him gone as quickly as possible. ‘Joe it’s not that simple,’ he said quietly.

 

 

 

Joe turned to his father with wide eyes.’ Why not?’ he asked. ‘You’ll just pay him the money and he’ll go away.  He won’t say nothing about me!’ His expression was one of pleading, willing his father to agree with him.

 

 

 

Ben put his arm around his youngest son’s shoulders. ‘Joseph if I pay this man, then it won’t be an end to it son.  I’ve dealt with blackmailers before.  This will just be the beginning of it and he’ll come back for more.’

 

 

 

Joe stared at his father as he whispered. ‘You gotta pay it Pa! You can’t let him tell everyone!’

 

 

 

Ben pulled his son close to him. ‘We just need to think through all the possibilities before we do anything Joseph, that’s all I’m saying. Don’t worry son.  He’s not going to hurt you.’

 

 

 

Joe sprang to his feet. ‘You ain’t gonna pay him are you?  You’re gonna let him tell everyone that I’m a ….that I’m…you can’t Pa!  Please don’t let him do it!’

 

 

 

Ben stood up next to his son. ‘Joseph calm down,’ he said. ‘I didn’t say that did I?’

 

 

 

Joe pushed his father away from him. ‘You don’t know him Pa! None of you know him! He’s the one who held me down while they did it to me! Did you know that?  He told them to do it to me!’

 

 

 

‘Do what?’ asked Hoss with a puzzled expression on his face. ‘What’d he do to ya Joe?’

 

 

 

Joe pulled off his boot and sock and held up his foot for his brothers to see. ‘This!’ he yelled. ‘Now do you understand? He got them to… to hold me down.  He said it would only take a minute and then he stood and watched while they did it to me.  He didn’t care! He tied me up when they told him to as well so that they could beat me and he put them leg irons on me so that I couldn’t walk properly.’  Joe’s voice started to shake. ‘And you tell me that we have to think through all the possibilities! No! I ain’t thinking about anything but getting rid of him…and if you ain’t gonna pay him the money then I’ll… I’ll go and get rid of him myself!’

 

 

 

Hoss’ face went green as he stared at his brother’s foot. He closed his eyes and a single tear began to fall down his cheek.  ‘Joe!’ he said under his breath. ‘I didn’t know.’  He put his face in his hands and wept.  Adam stepped forward and stood next to Hoss and put his arm around him while he looked at his father silently, his own face showing his horror at his brother’s words.

 

 

 

Ben took a step forward and held onto Joe’s shoulders. ‘I’ll pay him tomorrow Joseph,’ he said quietly. ‘If that’s what you want son, I’ll pay him tomorrow and every day after that if that’s what it takes to keep you happy.’

 

 

 

Joe collapsed into his father’s arms and hugged him tightly. ‘Thank you Pa,’ he wept into the man’s shoulder. ‘Oh God, thank you!’

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

‘I thought we’d seen the last of each other for a while Cartwright,’ said Barker. ‘Come to see me off have you?’

 

 

 

Ben glared at the man standing by the stagecoach. ‘I’ve come to make sure you get on that stagecoach,’ he said firmly.

 

 

 

Barker glanced at Adam standing next to his father. ‘Need two of you to do that does it?’ he asked in a mocking tone.

 

 

 

‘We Cartwrights are careful men,’ said Adam in a low voice as he put his hand on his gun and stared at Barker.

 

 

 

‘So I see,’ said Barker in the same mocking tone. ‘Well gentlemen it’s goodbye for now.’ He patted the satchel under his arm and smiled. ‘We’ll see how long this lasts shall we?  I’m sure we can do business again in the future when I’ve gone through it.  Should be easy to do in a city like San Francisco I imagine.’

 

 

 

‘You’ve had your last dollar from me Barker,’ said Ben.

 

 

 

‘Really?’ replied the man. ‘Somehow I don’t think so Cartwright. No, I’m sure you and I will be seeing more of each other in the future.’ He smiled over Ben’s shoulder. ‘Ah… it looks as though I get to say goodbye to the young man in question after all.’

 

 

 

Ben and Adam turned sharply to see Joe and Hoss standing behind them.  Joe’s face was very pale, but his jaw was set firmly in a way that Ben knew well.  It was the look his father had termed Joe’s ‘stubborn’ look for want of a better term and all the family had witnessed it over the years at various times when the youngest Cartwright’s volatile nature got the better of him.

 

 

 

‘Joseph!’ Ben said sharply. ‘What are you doing here?’

 

 

 

Hoss put up his hands in a gesture of futility. ‘I tried ta stop him Pa, but he just wouldn’t listen ta me.’

 

 

 

Joe shot a glance at his father. ‘I had to come Pa,’ he said softly. ‘I had to…to make sure that he was really going.’  He pointed at Barker who continued to grin at him. Ben stepped over next to his son, acutely aware of the boy’s trembling body and how hard this must be for him.

 

 

 

‘Well you certainly look much better than the last time I saw you Joseph,’ said Barker as he gave Joe a long slow look up and down. Joe felt the man’s eyes rake over him appraisingly and he took an involuntarily step towards his father. Barker shook his head. ‘Must say that Edwards was mighty short-sighted in getting rid of you though boy.’

 

 

 

‘Get on that stage and shut up!’ said Adam as he grasped hold of the man’s arm. ‘Now!’

 

‘Steady on!’ said Barker shaking his arm free and looking around. ‘We don’t want to make a scene, do we now? There’s plenty of time to get on board.’ He turned to Joe again and nodded. ‘Yes, Edwards sure was wrong in selling you so quick boy.  I still maintain that $30 000 was too cheap a price considering…’ he pointed at Joe’s crotch, ‘considering what you could have made for him in time with that.’ Joe gasped and went pale, while his father and brothers stood in shock at the man’s words. ‘Oh, didn’t Joseph ever tell you?’ continued Barker. ‘He had quite a future planned out for him in Alabama. Edwards was on the lookout for a light-skinned young filly to pair him up with and would have done it too if you hadn’t turned up when you did Cartwright.’  He grinned nastily. ‘Seems a shame to think the boy’s looks have gone to waste though.  There’s a fortune there if only…’

 

 

 

Barker got no further as Hoss stepped forward and put his hands around the man’s throat. He squeezed tightly while staring into his eyes, his eyes boring into the man as he held onto him.

 

 

 

‘Hoss!’ yelled Ben as he and Adam bounded forward. ‘Hoss let him go!’  It took both of them to pull Hoss back from Barker and when they did they had to use every ounce of strength to hold him there. ‘Get on that stage now if you value your life!’ yelled Ben as he and Adam struggled with Hoss.

 

 

 

Barker needed no second bidding.  Rubbing his throat with one hand, he quickly mounted the two steps into the stagecoach and banged the door shut. He poked his head out of the window as the coach pulled away from the kerb. ‘That just cost you Cartwright!’ he yelled. ‘You haven’t seen the last of me, I promise you!’

 

 

 

Hoss stopped struggling as the stagecoach pulled away from them and Adam and Ben slowly let him go.  Ben quickly turned to Joe who was standing as if rooted to the spot, tears streaming down his face as he stared after the stagecoach. ‘Son…’ said Ben as he stepped towards his boy, but Joe stepped back from his father while shaking his head and ran down the street towards his horse as fast as his legs would carry him. ‘Joseph!’ called Ben anxiously. ‘Come back Joe!’

 

 

 

Joe kept running as if he hadn’t heard his father and sprang onto Cochise.  Before any of the other Cartwrights could react he had galloped down the street and was out of sight. Ben turned to Adam and Hoss whose faces were still registering their shock at Barker’s words on their faces. ‘Get after him!’ he yelled. ‘Split up and get after him boys!  We’ve got to stop him! Quickly!

 

 

 

All three Cartwrights sprang on their horses and rode off down the street after Joe.  Ben felt the blood pounding in his head as he thought about Barker’s words and the implications of them, but pushed his thought to the back of his mind.  The important thing now was to get to Joseph before he did anything stupid.  The rest of it would wait until he could talk to the boy.  But there was one image that he couldn’t get rid of… not even temporarily.  The sheer horror on his youngest son’s face as Barker spoke.  It would be forever implanted in Ben’s mind.

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

Ben turned expectantly as the front door banged open for the second time in half an hour and Hoss strode through it, his face as black as thunder. He shook his head at his father and looked questionably at him and Adam. ‘Nothing,’ said Adam. ‘Between us we probably covered the whole of The Ponderosa today looking for him.’

 

 

 

Ben hung his head and regained his place on the sofa. ‘Well then he’s probably gone further than The Ponderosa,’ said Hoss grimly and turned back towards the door. ‘I’ll start looking again.’

 

 

 

‘No,’ said Ben. ‘Come back here Hoss.’

 

 

 

Hoss strode over to his father. ‘Pa I ain’t leaving that little guy out there by himself!’ he said angrily. ‘I aim ta find him!’

 

 

 

Ben looked up at his son. ‘And just how far will you get in the dark?’ he asked. ‘Use your brains Hoss!  We’ll have to sit it out until morning now.’

 

 

 

Hoss shook his head. ‘I’m going back out there Pa,’ he said. ‘Who knows what’s going through that head of Joe’s right about now.  You saw his face!’

 

 

 

Ben closed his eyes.  Yes…he had seen his son’s face, much and all as he wished he hadn’t.

 

 

 

‘Hoss, Pa is right,’ said Adam. ‘We couldn’t hope to…’  He turned as the front door opened again and Joe appeared framed in the doorway. He walked across the room without a word, his face ashen and his eyes half-closed. His arms were tightly wound around his waist.

 

 

 

‘Joseph!’ said Ben, springing up from the sofa. ‘Son, we were so worried about you!’ He took three strides over to where Joe had reached the bottom of the staircase and grabbed his son from behind by the shoulders to stop him going any further. There was silence for a moment…a silence so deep that the ticking of the grandfather clock could be heard distinctly.

 

 

 

‘So now you know,’ said Joe in a whisper. He stared straight ahead of him up the stairs and didn’t move.

 

 

 

Ben held him firmly by the shoulders. ‘It doesn’t matter what Barker said Joe…’ he began. ‘All that matters is that…’

 

 

 

Joe thrust his father’s hands off him and ran up the stairs two at a time.  Ben looked after him with a grief-stricken look.  Behind him Adam and Hoss were silent.

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

‘Well?’ asked Adam as his father descended the stairs.

 

 

 

Ben shook his head. ‘He’s locked the door and won’t open it,’ he said wearily. ‘I think I need to leave him alone for a while.  At least we know where he is now, that’s something.’

 

 

 

Hoss stared into fire and said nothing. His face was still as black as thunder and he kept clenching and unclenching his fists with rhythmic consistency. ‘I shoulda killed Barker,’ he said under his breath. ‘I shoulda killed him right then and there.’

 

 

 

‘And what would that have done?’ asked Adam. ‘It wouldn’t have solved anything.’

 

 

 

Hoss glared at him. ‘It woulda kept him quiet!’ he said. ‘It woulda kept him from hurting Joe any more!’

 

 

 

Adam shook his head. ‘He was only stating facts about things that have already happened. None of us can change the past Hoss, much and all as we’d like to.’

 

 

 

Hoss stood up and began to pace back and forth in front of the fireplace. ‘Well I can sure as anything change the future,’ he said. ‘You know as well as I do that Barker will be back for more money and I don’t aim ta let him near Joe again.’  He banged his fist into the back of the sofa.

 

 

 

‘Well by the look of Joe he’s just about at the end of his tether,’ said Adam. ‘I hope he didn’t do anything stupid today.’

 

 

 

‘Meaning?’ asked Ben.  They all turned at the sound of an insistent knock on the front door.  Adam bounded over to it and opened it to reveal Roy Coffee standing there. ‘Roy,’ called Ben. ‘Come in.’

 

 

 

Roy entered the room slowly, looking from one face to the other. ‘I see by the look of you that you’ve already heard the news,’ he said.

 

 

 

Ben frowned. ‘News?  What news?’ he asked.

 

 

 

Roy faced his friend. ‘So you haven’t heard?’ he asked unnecessarily.

 

 

 

‘Roy get to the point,’ said Ben. ‘What is it?’

 

 

 

‘That feller Barker that has been in town the last few days,’ said Roy. ‘He was killed this afternoon in Carson City.’

 

 

 

‘What?!’ Ben took a step forward. ‘How?’

 

 

 

‘Seems that he was carrying a lot of money with him,’ said Roy carefully. ‘He was shot when the stage had a layover in Carson City.’

 

 

 

‘Why have you come to tell us?’ asked Adam.  To his knowledge the sheriff had no reason to link the Cartwrights with the man.

 

 

 

Roy held out a gun. ‘This one of yours Ben?’ he asked. ‘It’s got your mark on it.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded ‘Yes,’ he said.

 

 

 

‘Any idea where it’s come from?’

 

 

 

Ben shrugged. ‘Roy I wouldn’t know.  We have so many guns around here, you know that.  It could have come from anywhere on the Ranch. Why?’

 

 

 

‘It’s the murder weapon,’ replied the sheriff.

 

 

 

All three Cartwrights stared at the gun in the palm of the sheriff’s hand.  It was as Ben had said…a standard gun that they all used.  It could have been picked up anywhere on the ranch by one of the hands or any of them.  Ben’s eyes darted up the stairs and his blood went cold as he thought of his traumatised son up there in his bedroom and what he might have done.  Who knows what the boy would have been capable of after today’s events?  He swallowed as he realised that Roy was speaking again.

 

 

 

‘What?’ he asked fearfully.

 

 

 

‘I said that I’ll have to talk to all of you together,’ explained Roy. ‘I’m not saying any of you had anything to do with it Ben, but its standard procedure you understand.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded and sat down again. ‘Of course,’ he said.

 

 

 

Roy hesitated. ‘You’ll need to get Joe,’ he said. ‘I need to question all of you.’ Ben stared up the stairs again, his brain working overtime as he tried to sort out his thoughts. ‘Ben?’ asked Roy again. ‘Will you get Joe down here?’

 

 

 

Ben stood up and faced his friend. ‘There’s no need to,’ he said. ‘It’s me you want Roy.  I shot Barker.’

 

 

 

Adam gave his father a shocked look and Hoss yelled ‘Pa!’ before he could stop himself.

 

 

 

Ben turned to his sons and gave them both a meaningful look. ‘You heard what I said boys,’ he said. ‘I shot Barker and that’s all there is to it.’

 

 

 

‘But Pa,’ said Adam,’ glancing up the stairs. ‘You don’t know for sure…’

 

 

 

Ben held up his hand and glanced at Roy. ‘Adam,’ he said. ‘That’s enough. I’m going into town with Roy now and I want you to get to Hiram Wood as soon as possible to organise bail for me.  Hoss, you’re to stay with Joseph please.’

 

 

 

Hoss stepped forward. ‘Pa…you can’t,’ he said.

 

 

 

Ben turned to Roy. ‘I’ll saddle my horse Roy,’ he said. ‘Hoss…look after your brother.  Don’t let him leave this house.  Do you understand me?’  He left the room, followed by a shocked Sheriff Coffee.

 

 

 

Hoss and Adam stood looking at each other in silence for a moment before Hoss spoke. ‘Adam you don’t think…’ his voice trailed away. ‘Little Joe couldn’t a done it, could he?’

 

 

 

Adam shrugged. ‘I don’t know Hoss.  You saw him when he came in.’ He picked up his hat. ‘I’d better do as Pa says and get into town.  I’m sure Hiram will get bail organised quickly. Once Pa is home again we can sort all this out with Joe.’

 

 

 

Hoss turned to Adam. ‘This is sure proving to be an expensive week,’ he said mournfully.

 

 

 

Adam nodded as he glanced at the staircase again. ‘In more ways than one,’ he replied.

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

Hiram Wood, Attorney at Law, sighed as he looked at the man slumped on the bunk across from him in the small cell.  He usually preferred to do his consulting in his office, but at this time of night and given the circumstances of the tragedy that was unfolding in front of him, he didn’t see that could he afford that luxury.

 

 

 

‘Ben?’ he said. ‘I need to know what this is all about…and I mean all of it.  If there’s something you’re not telling me…’

 

 

 

Ben shook his head. ‘No,’ he said quietly. ‘I’ve told you all I can Hiram.  Barker and I had a business disagreement.  He was blackmailing me and I paid him the $30 000.  I tried to get it back, that’s all.’

 

 

 

‘What was the business disagreement about?’

 

 

 

Ben shook his head. ‘I don’t see that it’s important,’ he said.

 

 

 

Hiram gave the man a frustrated look. ‘Everything about this whole incident is important!’ he said. ‘Don’t you understand what’s going on here Ben? You’re going to be on trial for murder if you don’t give me something else to go on.  Without the whole story my hands are tied!’

 

Ben looked up at the Attorney. ‘I’ve said all that I can,’ he stated.

 

 

 

Hiram stood up and began to pace up and down the cell. ‘What happened at the time of the shooting?’

 

 

 

Ben shrugged. ‘I shot him, that’s all.’

 

 

 

Hiram glared at him. ‘I need details Ben!’ he said. ‘Did the man threaten you?  Was there a scuffle? What happened for God’s sake?’

 

 

 

Ben stood up and faced his Attorney. ‘Can’t we just go through all of this later?’ he asked. ‘All I want at the moment is to get out of here and back home to my boys.  Is that possible?’

 

 

 

Hiram nodded. ‘Yes,’ he acknowledged. ‘That’s very possible.  Given your good character and background around here there’s no way that they’ll hold you until the trial.  First thing in the morning we should be able to get it organised.’

 

 

 

‘Good,’ said Ben.

 

 

 

‘But after that, we’ll have to work hard on this,’ Hiram continued. ‘We can’t afford to waste any time.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘Just get me out of here and home to my boys,’ he said. ‘Then we’ll worry about the trial.’

 

 

 

Hiram narrowed his eyes. ‘Ben I know you,’ he said. ‘You’re holding out on me. If you’re covering up for someone then it…’

 

 

 

Ben shook his head. ‘It’s nothing like that,’ he said. ‘Hiram…please.’

 

 

 

‘All right, I’ll say no more for now,’ replied the other man. ‘But with your permission I’m going to wire the Governor tomorrow.  I have a feeling we’re going to need his help if we can get it.’

 

 

 

‘Help?’

 

 

 

Hiram took a deep breath. ‘To save your skin,’ he said. ‘If this trial goes the way I think it could, then you could be facing a hanging.  We need to get the Governor onside if we have any chance of commuting that to a jail term.’ He paused. ‘Unless you have anything else to tell me.’

 

 

 

Ben stared out of the small barred window. ‘No,’ he said in a small voice. ‘I have nothing else to tell you Hiram. ‘Please contact the Governor.’

 

 

 

Hiram shook his head and left the cell as Ben continued to stare out of the window.

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

‘Pa!’ said Hoss with a grin. ‘It’s good to have ya back!’

 

 

 

Ben returned the look. ‘It’s good to be back Hoss,’ he said as he took off his hat. ‘How is everything here son?’

 

 

 

Hoss shrugged. ‘Still the same,’ he said. ‘Joe’s still up in his room.  Adam’s been trying to get him to come out but he won’t.  He just lays up there and stares at the ceiling as if he don’t hear anything we’re saying to him.’

 

 

 

Ben turned as Adam came down the stairs. ‘Pa!’ he said. ‘I’m glad you’re home!  I was coming into town soon if you’d hadn’t made it back here. What did Hiram say?’

 

 

 

‘Sit down boys,’ replied Ben. ‘We need to talk.’

 

 

 

‘Pa, you can’t do this,’ said Adam. ‘We all know that you’re trying to cover for Joe and its just not logical. You don’t even know that he had anything to do with Barker’s death.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘That’s true,’ he said. ‘And I aim to find out now if he did. But in the meantime, I wasn’t about to let that boy go through anything else after everything that’s happened to him already. There was no way he could have stood being questioned by Roy last night.’

 

 

 

‘So what will you do if you find out that he did shoot Barker?’ asked Hoss.

 

 

 

Ben shook his head. ‘It’s like I just said Hoss.  Joseph can’t cope with anything else at the moment. If your brother did do this, then my story stands.’

 

 

 

‘Pa you can’t!’

 

 

 

Ben put his hand on Hoss’ shoulder. ‘Yes son, I can,’ he said. ‘I pray to God it won’t come to that, but if it does…well I’ll do anything to keep that boy safe. Lord knows he’s been through enough without having to face a trial. Besides,’ he added. ‘Hiram is going to contact the Governor in case we need his intervention.’

 

 

 

Hoss frowned. ‘What does that mean?’ he asked.

 

 

 

‘He could have any sentence overruled if he saw fit,’ said Adam as he studied his father’s face. ‘You’re thinking it might come to that Pa?’

 

 

 

Ben shrugged. ‘I don’t know what to think at the moment,’ he said.

 

 

 

‘And the truth about what happened to Joe?’

 

 

 

‘Is not to be mentioned,’ said their father. ‘You’ve seen the boy’s reaction to the very thought of it.  I won’t have it become an issue in all of this!’  He stared at his two sons. ‘I mean it boys!’ he said. ‘There is to be no mention of it!’

 

 

 

Adam took a deep breath. ‘Pa, you’re asking us to choose between our father and our brother,’ he said. ‘How can you ask that of us?’

 

 

 

‘I’m not asking you boys,’ replied their father. ‘There is no choice in all of this.  I’ve already made up my mind and it’s out of your hands now.’  He stood up. ‘Besides, it may not even come to that.’  He looked up at the stairs. ‘I’m going up to see Joseph now.’

 

 

 

He moved over to the staircase and walked up as Adam and Hoss watched him. ‘Adam, we can’t let him do this,’ said Hoss mournfully. ‘We just can’t!’

 

 

 

Adam sighed and put his head in his hands. ‘What else do we do?’ he asked. ‘You heard Pa.  We have no choice.’

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

‘Joseph?’ Ben sat next to his son and watched as the boy covered his eyes with his hands as if to block out the view of his father. ‘Joseph?’ Ben put a hand on his son’s head and stroked his hair gently.

 

 

 

‘Go away Pa,’ said Joe softly.

 

 

 

‘Joseph we need to talk,’ persisted Ben. ‘There’s something I have to tell you son.’ Joe said nothing. ‘It’s about Barker Joe.’

 

 

 

Ben noticed the boy’s breathing begin to quicken and he turned his head towards the wall. ‘Listen to me Little Joe,’ he said in the same soft tone. ‘Barker is dead.’  There was no reaction from the boy on the bed. ‘Did you hear me son? Barker can’t hurt you anymore. He’s dead.’

 

 

 

‘Good!’

 

 

 

Ben flinched. ‘Joe I need to ask you something son,’ he said. ‘Did you have anything to do with it?’  Joe remained silent. ‘Son? Did you shoot Barker?’  Again the boy said nothing, but continued to stare at the wall. Ben sighed. ‘I can understand you not wanting to talk about him Joe, but I need to know. It’s very important.’

 

 

 

Joe began to cry softly, his tears falling unchecked onto the pillow. Ben stared at him and continued to stroke his hair, murmuring to him as he did so. ‘I know you were hurt and embarrassed by what he said about you yesterday Joseph,’ he said. ‘But it’s all over now. He’s dead and there’s no need to fear him any more.’

 

 

 

‘He was gonna come back again,’ whispered Joe. ‘He said so.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘Yes he did,’ he said. ‘But he can’t come back now.  He can’t do anything to you ever again Joseph.’

 

 

 

‘No he can’t come back now,’ repeated Joe. ‘He’s dead.’ He narrowed his eyes for a moment. ‘I told you I wouldn’t let him hurt me again didn’t I Pa?’

 

 

 

Ben jerked as he stared at his son. ‘Joe?’ he said. ‘What did you do son?’

 

 

 

‘I didn’t let them Pa,’ mumbled Joe. ‘That’s why I was running away that day. I didn’t let them.’

 

 

 

‘I know.’

 

 

 

‘They said those things…things they was gonna do, but I didn’t let them.  I had to go. I had to get out of there.’  He turned and looked at his father ‘I’m sorry Pa!  I know I said that I’d do whatever it took to stay safe, but I just couldn’t stay there. I couldn’t!’ he clutched at his father’s vest. ‘Not with them saying all them things about me!’

 

 

 

‘I know son.’

 

 

 

‘What Barker said was true!  They was gonna make me… like I was an animal or something!  He woulda helped em too!  I know he woulda! I couldn’t let him do that!’

 

 

 

Ben heard his son’s voice becoming hysterical as the panic took hold of him again. ‘Joe calm down,’ he said. ‘You’re not there any more and Barker is gone.’

 

 

 

Joe continued speaking over the top of his father’s voice. ‘I… I hated them all!  I hated him!  I’m glad he’s dead…he deserved to die!’

 

 

 

Ben leant close to his son. ‘Joseph did you shoot him?’ he asked again.

 

 

 

Joe stared back at his father uncomprehendingly. ‘Please Pa!’ he pleaded. ‘Please don’t tell anyone!  I don’t want anyone to know!’

 

 

 

‘No one is going to know son. No one will know.’  Ben felt his own heart breaking as he looked at his son sobbing on the bed.

 

 

 

‘Don’t let them know Pa,’ repeated Joe, tightening his grip on his father.  ‘No one can know about me.  Please!!!’

 

 

 

Ben drew his son close to his chest and rocked him backwards and forwards as the tears fell from his own face and mingled with those of his son’s. ‘I promise you Joseph,’ he said. ‘No one will know.  I promise you son.’  He stared over the top of the sobbing boy’s head as he rocked him and noticed Adam standing in the doorway watching them both.

 

 

 

‘There is no choice,’ whispered Ben. ‘You can see that, can’t you?’

 

 

 

Adam nodded miserably. ‘Yes,’ he said quietly.

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

‘Why so soon?’ asked Ben quietly.

 

 

 

‘Judge Wilcox sees no reason to put it off any longer,’ replied Hiram. ‘Plus there’s so much interest in this case Ben that I think he’s of the opinion that the sooner we get it over with the better really. Of course if you think we need more time to discuss your defence I can always ask for an extension.’  He looked at Ben hopefully.

 

 

 

Ben shook his head. ‘No,’ he said. ‘There’s no need to prolong this Hiram.  Perhaps the judge is right and the sooner we get it over with the better.’

 

 

 

Hiram sighed as he packed up his briefcase. ‘Alright then Ben,’ he said. ‘I’ll see you in court tomorrow then.’ He stood up. ‘Oh… by the way… I got the answer from the Governor’s office this afternoon. I think we can be assured of any sentence being commuted to a jail term.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded.’ Good,’ he said faintly. ‘Thank you Hiram.’

 

 

 

‘The Governor is the one you owe thanks to Ben, not me. He must think mighty highly of you to do this.’

 

 

 

Ben nodded again. ‘I have many good friends,’ he said. ‘It’s at a time like this that a man realises just how important friends and family are.’

 

 

 

Hiram patted him on the back. ‘Good night Ben,’ he said. ‘I’ll do my best for you tomorrow.’

 

 

 

‘Thank you,’ said Ben.

 

 

 

He watched as the Attorney left the room. Behind him, Adam stood up. ‘Pa,’ he said as he came forward to stand next to his father. ‘There’s still a chance that everything will be all right.’

 

 

 

Ben smiled at his son. ‘I’m pleading guilty Adam, remember?  That’s all there is to it son.’  He cleared his throat. ‘Now… down to business boys.  We have a lot of things to go through before tomorrow.’

 

 

 

‘We want me to get Hiram back?’ asked Hoss.

 

 

 

‘No son.  This is family business,’ said Ben. ‘Come over here both of you please.’  He motioned to his study where the desk was piled high with papers and sat down in his large leather chair. ‘Now,’ he said. ‘I know that you two are more than capable of running this ranch, but I’ve spent the last couple of days putting some things together to make it easier for you to get organised.’

 

 

 

Adam gave his father a stricken look.’ Pa!’ he said. ‘Don’t do this.’

 

 

 

Ben smiled at both of them. ‘Son, it’s for the best,’ he said. ‘It has to be said. I want to make sure that I’ve left everything in order for you. This pile here are the…’

 

 

 

Hoss stood up. ‘Pa I can’t take this,’ he said. ‘Please.’

 

 

 

Ben hesitated. ‘Boys please listen to me. It’s time to face the hard truth here.  We all know what tomorrow is going to bring and there’s nothing that will change my mind about that.  I have spent many years of my life building up this ranch for you two and,’ he glanced at the staircase, ‘and your brother. I want to make sure that what I’ve started here is going to continue.  Otherwise, my life has been a waste.’

 

 

 

Adam put his hand over that of his father’s, which was lying on the desk. ‘Never a waste Pa,’ he said. ‘Your life could never be classified as a waste by any stretch of the imagination.’

 

 

 

Ben returned his son’s look. ‘Thank you Adam,’ he said quietly. ‘You can both prove that to me by doing as I am asking you now.  Continue things here as I would if I could be here.  I have absolute trust in you both and God willing one day I may return to see it all once more.  In the meantime I’ll hold the three of you and the Ponderosa in my heart every day.’  He brushed the tears away from his eyes and smiled at them both. ‘I’m counting on you boys to look after things around here.  I’m also counting on you to look after your brother.  God knows that Joe isn’t out of the woods yet and he’s going to continue to need all your support.’

 

 

 

‘He’ll have it Pa,’ said Hoss. ‘Ya know that.’

 

 

 

‘Yes,’ said Ben simply. ‘I know that.’ He hesitated as he picked up another piece of paper from the pile in front of him. ‘That brings me to this,’ he said. ‘My Will has always been kept up to date.  I’ve left everything to the three of you of course.  You are both to have guardianship of your brother and the responsibility of his share of The Ponderosa until he is of legal age.  Also, the papers I had drawn up in Alabama concerning him are here.’

 

 

 

Adam nodded. ‘Sure Pa,’ he said in a soft voice. ‘We’ll take care of it.’

 

 

 

Ben stood up. ‘Well I’ll you both to have a look through these,’ he said. ‘If you’ve got any questions we’ll deal with them this evening after supper.  ‘I’m going up to sit with your brother for a while now.’  He walked wearily away from them both with his head bowed. Hoss sniffed and wiped his eyes on his sleeve as Adam sat with his head bowed, staring at the pile of papers in front of them.

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

Ben bent over and kissed his youngest son’s forehead gently. He couldn’t count how many times during the past three days he had sat here like this watching Joe sleep. It seemed that it was all his son did lately and even when he was awake Ben found it well nigh impossible to get anything from him at all.  He spent his waking hours staring at the wall ignoring any attempt to rouse him from his stupor. He ate and drank when forced to, but beyond that did nothing to acknowledge any of them. After that initial outburst with his father three days ago, it seemed as if the boy had sunk into a stupor from which he didn’t want to be roused.

 

 

 

Ben felt a great weariness as he studied his son’s profile.  Joe seemed to be dreaming again and muttered a few phrases under his breath that Ben found hard to decipher.  Occasionally a word would be distinguishable, but beyond that Ben found any communication with this child of his just beyond him.  He picked up the framed picture of his late wife Marie from the dresser next to Joe’s bed and studied it.  He smiled as he noticed the same features as those which faced him from the bed.  She had been such a beauty!  Just like Joe…

 

 

 

Ben found his thoughts flying back to the words of Barker that last time he had seen him and the bile started to rise in his throat.  The things that the man had intimated made him sick to the very core of his being and he closed his eyes as he tried to will them away. ‘Joseph!’ he said softly. ‘My baby boy!  How could anyone…’  The physical gifts that the boy had inherited from his mother had been turned against him by those monsters and tore into Ben’s very soul.  ‘It will never happen again Joseph,’ he crooned to the boy who was tossing his head on the pillow. ‘I’ll see to it son. It will never be mentioned again or come back to haunt you. I promise you Joe.  Your Pa will take care of it all for you.’

 

 

 

He bent over and kissed the boy again as he heard him mumble softly. ‘No… have to… Pa…’

 

 

 

‘Your Pa will look after you Joe,’ he said again softly. ‘Sleep now son.  Get some rest.’

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Joe blinked as the shaft of sunlight shifted slightly and shone directly on his face.  He scrunched up his face and yawned as he stretched his aching muscles and sat up, wondering for a moment where he was.  Then he remembered. He was in his own bedroom and it was… He looked around him with a puzzled expression.  It seemed to be the middle of the day and he wondered why no one had wakened him for breakfast.

 

 

 

Joe swung his legs off the side of the bed and they hit the ground with a thump.  As usual the movement made him aware of the mark on his foot and he frowned.  He stood up remembering why he was up here instead of downstairs with everyone else.  As he walked towards the open window, Joe wondered why his muscles hurt so much.  It felt like he hadn’t used them in days and he tried to work out how long it had been since he had left his bedroom.

 

 

 

He had vague memories of his father sitting with him and stroking his forehead as he tried to sleep. Poor Pa! He had given him so much worry lately.  First of all there’d been that horrible trip he’d had to make to Alabama to save him and then he’d had to deal with everything Joe had thrown at him since their return.  Why even the other day when… suddenly it all came flooding back to him as he caught a vision of Barker’s face in front of him and he heard the words he had spoken again.  Joe put his hands over his ears as if to block them out again, but they rang around his head in spite of his efforts to block them.

 

 

 

They knew!  Pa and Adam and Hoss… they knew what he had been trying to hide from them all this time.  Barker had told them and now they knew what those people had been planning for him.  He hung his head and closed his eyes tightly as he tried to come to grips with the knowledge that there was no hiding from it any more. Much and all as he would have liked to wind back the clock and pretend it hadn’t happened, it had.  Barker had gone and told his family and he didn’t know if he could face them knowing that they knew.

 

 

 

He took a deep breath and looked at his reflection in the mirror, remembering that day when he and Pa had first arrived back home.  He had been so determined to have his hair cut off that day, thinking that it would help to hide that part of him from the world.  He fingered his curls that had grown back and thought ruefully what a futile exercise that had been.  Nothing could ever hide the fact that he had coloured blood in him… he just had to learn to live with the fact and be grateful that no one outside his family knew about it. Thank God that no one did!  Joe didn’t know how he’d cope with the fact if anyone ever found out.

 

 

 

He squared his shoulders and drew himself up straight. The sooner he got this over with the better, he thought. He’d have to face Pa and his brothers at some stage, so it might as well be now.  Quietly he padded across the floor in his bare feet, thinking ruefully how at one time he would have made sure that he had pulled on socks to hide the mark on his foot.  None of that mattered any more.  There was nothing that he could hide from his family…they knew it all.

 

 

 

Joe reached the top of the staircase and looked down into the main living area.  The room was empty, apart from his brother Hoss who was pacing up and down in front of the fireplace with his hands in his pockets and staring at his feet as he walked.  Joe took another deep breath and began to walk downstairs.

 

 

 

‘Hi,’ he said as he reached the bottom floor. ‘Where is everyone?’

 

 

 

Hoss looked up at him surprised. ‘Joe!’ he said. ‘What are you doing down here?’

 

 

 

Joe tried to appear casual, although he felt his insides churning even as he spoke. ‘I woke up,’ he said.  ‘How come no one woke me for breakfast?’

 

 

 

Hoss’ jaw dropped.  His little brother sounded nearly his old self. ‘Um..’ he said. ‘You were sleeping so peaceful that we decided to leave ya.’

 

 

 

Joe looked around and said again. ‘Where is everyone?’

 

 

 

Hoss looked away from him. ‘Pa and Adam ain’t here,’ he said.

 

 

 

‘Where are they?’

 

 

 

Hoss continued to look away from him. ‘They’ve just gone ta town,’ he said.  ‘Why don’t ya go back on up ta bed fer a while?’

 

 

 

Joe sat down on the sofa. ‘I’ve had enough of bed,’ he said. ‘Seems like I’ve been up there for days.’

 

 

 

Hoss stared at him. ‘Ya have,’ he said.

 

 

 

Joe frowned. ‘Have I? Oh…’  he looked away, embarrassed as he thought about the reason why he had been hiding from his family. ‘When will Pa be home?’

 

 

 

The question seemed to upset Hoss, who began to pace again. Joe stared at him. ‘Hoss?’ he said. ‘What’s the matter?’

 

 

 

‘Nuthin.’

 

 

 

‘When will Pa be home?’

 

 

 

Hoss shook his head. ‘I dunno little buddy.  I just don’t know.’

 

 

 

Joe began to pick up on his brother’s panic. ‘Why don’t you know?’ he asked. ‘Where is he Hoss?  Where are Pa and Adam?  I want to know.’

 

 

 

Hoss sat down next to his brother on the sofa. ‘Pa asked me ta stay and look after you,’ he said. ‘He and Adam had ta go into town fer… to do some things.  Don’t worry about it Joe.  Adam and I’ll explain it all to ya later.’

 

 

 

‘Why won’t Pa explain it to me?’ asked Joe, really worried now. ‘What’s going on Hoss?’

 

 

 

‘Joe, Pa said I wasn’t ta talk ta you about it until tonight, he said. Best to wait fer Adam to come home and then we’ll talk about it OK?’

 

 

 

‘Isn’t Pa coming home?’ asked Joe, beginning to panic now. ‘Why isn’t Pa coming home?’

 

 

 

‘Buddy I don’t think….’

 

 

 

‘Tell me Hoss!  Tell me now or I’m getting dressed and going into town to find out myself where he is!’ Joe glared at his brother. ‘I mean it Hoss!  Either you tell me or I’m gonna find out for myself.’

 

 

 

Hoss shook his head. ‘Joe I can’t,’ he said. ‘Pa made me promise.’

 

 

 

Joe bounced up for the sofa. ‘I’m going to find my Pa!’ he shouted and ran towards the staircase.  Hoss caught him in an instant. ‘Let me go!’ shouted Joe, trying to free himself from his brother’s grip. ‘I mean it Hoss!  Let me go!’  He flung his feet out wildly and gave his brother a sharp kick in the ankle.

 

 

 

‘Ow!’ yelled Hoss. ‘Quit it will ya Joe?’

 

 

 

‘Then tell me where Pa is!’ shouted Joe again. ‘Tell me Hoss!’

 

 

 

Hoss threw his little brother down on the sofa and sat down next to him. ‘Now just you settle down,’ he said firmly as he pointed a finger at him. ‘Seems ta me it can’t do no harm now telling ya anyways.  It’ll be all over soon.’

 

 

 

Joe’s eyes widened. ‘What will be all over,’ he said. ‘Is it something to do with Barker?  Has he come back already?’

 

 

 

Hoss frowned at him. ‘Barker’s dead Joe.  Don’t ya remember?  Pa told ya he was shot.’

 

 

 

‘Shot?’ said Joe faintly.  ‘Barker is dead?’

 

 

 

Hoss nodded. ‘Don’t ya remember Joe?  Pa told ya himself.’

 

 

 

Joe scrunched up his face. ‘Oh yes..’ he said faintly as his father’s words came back to him. He looked at Hoss suddenly. ‘What’s that got to do with Pa?’ he asked. ‘Why’s Pa in town if Barker is dead?  He can’t hurt me any more iffen he’s dead.’

 

 

 

‘No little buddy he can’t hurt ya no more,’ said Hoss. ‘Nothing can hurt ya any more.  Pa’s gonna see ta that.’

 

 

 

Joe frowned again. ‘How?  What do you mean Hoss?  What’s Pa doing?’

 

 

 

Hoss hesitated, knowing that his brother had to know sooner or later, but unsure how he was going to take the news. ‘Well….’ He said slowly. ‘Pa’s been in jail Joe.’

 

 

 

‘In jail?  Why?’

 

 

 

‘Fer shooting Barker.’  Hoss watched his little brother’s face intently as he said the words.  He was prepared for his brother to break out in hysterics again, but what Joe said next surprised him.

 

 

 

‘Pa didn’t shoot Barker!’ declared Joe.

 

 

 

Hoss’ eyebrows lifted. ‘What makes ya say that Joe?’ he asked tentatively.

 

 

 

‘Pa couldn’t have shot him.  Pa could never kill anyone Hoss.  You know that!’

 

 

 

Hoss let his breath out on a rush.  Joe had probably blocked the memory of what he’d done, which Hoss supposed was just as well considering everything. He put his arm around his brother’s shoulders. ‘He said he did Joe,’ he said gently. ‘There’s a trial.’

 

 

 

Joe jumped up. ‘A trial?’ he shouted. ‘Pa’s on trial for shooting Barker? No!’

 

 

 

Hoss pulled him down again. ‘It’s OK Joe,’ he said. ‘Pa knows what he’s doing.’

 

 

 

No!’ Joe shouted again. ‘I gotta go to him!’  He tried to get off the sofa again, but Hoss held him down. ‘Please Hoss,’ he begged. ‘Let me go!’

 

 

 

‘No!’ said Hoss firmly. ‘Pa said I was ta keep ya here and that’s what I’m gonna do.  Now sit still.’

 

 

 

Joe stopped struggling and stared at his brother. ‘Pa didn’t kill Barker,’ he said softly. ‘I’m glad he’s dead though. I wish I’d killed him!’

 

 

 

Hoss jerked. ‘What?’ he said. ‘But we thought…’

 

 

 

‘You thought what?’ asked Joe. ‘You thought I killed him?’  He gave a snort. ‘I wish!’

 

 

 

Hoss’ jaw dropped open. ‘Ya didn’t kill him Joe?’

 

 

 

‘No.  Of course I didn’t kill him!’ declared Joe.

 

 

 

Hoss put his head in his hands. ‘But Pa thought ya did. ‘Ya told him ya didn’t want anyone ta know that you’d killed him.’

 

 

 

Joe shook his head. ‘I meant that I didn’t want anyone to know about…. you know. That I was a … a….slave.’  It was the first time he’d actually said the word and he wondered why he had the courage to say it now.  He looked at his brother, puzzled. ‘Hoss?’ he said as an idea formed in his head. ‘Hoss?  Is Pa saying he killed Barker to protect me?’ Hoss looked up at his brother silently. ‘But he don’t need to! I didn’t kill him Hoss, I swear it!’

 

 

 

‘Then where were you that day when you ran off from us?’ asked Hoss.

 

 

 

‘I dunno.  Just riding around. I had to get away after he said…you know. But I didn’t go near Barker again Hoss. I swear I didn’t.  Someone mighta killed him, but it wasn’t me!’

 

 

 

‘Oh God!’ said Hoss, burying his head in his hands again. His head was spinning and he wished that Adam were here to make sense of it all.

 

 

 

‘Hoss!’ said Joe urgently. ‘We’ve gotta get inta town!  Pa don’t haveta do this Hoss!  He don’t haveta say he did it for me!  I gotta tell them in that court that I didn’t do it either and then he can tell the truth!’

 

 

 

Hoss clutched at his brother’s arm. ‘Joe you can’t!’ he said. ‘Don’t ya understand boy?  If you go in there and start ta testify, then they’ll start asking questions.  They’ll ask all about Barker and everything will come out.  Don’t ya understand that?’

 

 

 

Joe went white as he realised that his brother was right. ‘What?’ he said faintly.

 

 

 

‘It’s true Joe,’ said Hoss. ‘That’s what Pa was trying to stop happening. You’ve always begged fer no one ta know about what…about your background and such.  You’d have ta risk it all coming out.  Pa won’t let ya do it!’

 

 

 

Joe closed his eyes and heard the pounding of blood in his head that threatened to blot out his brother’s words. He felt himself go cold with the thoughts that had been haunting him for the past few weeks.  He knew that he couldn’t face the thought of people looking at him and knowing what he really was. ‘Hoss?’ he said faintly. ‘What’s gonna happen to Pa?’

 

 

 

Hoss’ face went pale. ‘I reckon he’s going ta prison Joe,’ he whispered.

 

 

 

Joe stood up shakily. ‘I gotta go upstairs and get dressed now,’ he said. ‘I need to get to town quickly.’  He started to walk towards the stairs, but had to grab hold of the back of a chair to steady himself. Hoss stood up to support him. ‘Go back ta bed Joe,’ he said.

 

 

 

Joe gave his brother a pained look and brushed him aside. ‘No,’ he said faintly. ‘I gotta get dressed and get into town.’

 

 

 

‘Didn’t ya hear what I said Joe,’ said Hoss. ‘Don’t ya realise what you’ll haveta say if ya go in there? Ya can’t tell everyone Joe.  Ya’ve said it yaself.  Ya can’t tell everyone!’

 

 

 

Joe smiled at his brother. ‘I can’t not tell them now can I?’ he said quietly with tears in his eyes. ‘We’re talking about Pa Hoss.  I can’t not tell them.’  He walked slowly up the stairs, supporting himself on the banister as he did so.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

Judge Wilcox frowned as he banged his gavel on the table in front of him. ‘Silence!’ he ordered. He turned to the prosecutor. ‘Please proceed Mr Matthews.’

 

 

 

Robert Matthews  turned to Ben once again. ‘Please tell the court in your own words why you paid Mr Barker the $30 000 dollars.’

 

 

 

‘It was a business transaction,’ said Ben as he looked around the room.  It seemed to him that more than half the town had turned out to hear what he had to say and the courtroom was filled to capacity. ‘A straightforward business deal.’

 

 

 

‘Would you care to elaborate on what it was concerning?’

 

 

 

‘No.’

 

 

 

There was a murmur around the courtroom and the judge banged his gavel again. ‘Silence!’ he repeated.

 

 

 

‘Could you tell us why you don’t wish to elaborate Mr Cartwright?’ asked Matthews with a slight wink at the jury. ‘Perhaps there was something shady about the deal that you don’t want us to know about?’ Ben said nothing, but stared straight ahead of him. ‘Mr Cartwright if you don’t enlighten us, then I’m afraid the jury will have to draw its own conclusions about the legality of the transaction.

 

 

 

‘Objection!’ shouted Hiram Wood. ‘Mr Cartwright’s character is not on trial here.  His business ethics are not the issue!’

 

 

 

Judge Wilcox raised an eyebrow. ‘Everything that pertains to Mr Cartwright’s relationship with Mr Barker is of importance here,’ he said shortly. ‘Sit down.’  Hiram Wood sat down with a sigh.

 

 

 

Robert Matthews gave the jury a smile. ‘Well its obvious that Mr Cartwright had business with Mr Barker that he doesn’t want us to know about,’ he said dryly. Let’s move on shall we?’  He turned to Ben again. ‘Now,’ he continued. ‘Can you please tell us…’  He turned sharply as a noise at the back of the courthouse reached his ears.

 

Ben looked up to see Hoss pushing his way through the crowd, his arms flying in all directions.  ‘Let me through,’ he said. ‘I’ve got business with the judge!’

 

 

 

Ben stood up. ‘Hoss!’ he shouted. ‘What are you doing here?’  He swallowed in fright as he saw Joe standing meekly behind his brother.

 

 

 

‘It’s all right Pa,’ said Hoss.

 

 

 

‘Silence!’ ordered the Judge. Everyone sit down immediately! What is the meaning of this?’  Everyone was talking at once and he had to bang his gavel a few times to get silence. ‘That’s better,’ he said and then turned to Hoss. ‘What is this all about?’

 

 

 

Hoss stepped forward. ‘My brother wants ta testify,’ he said. ‘He’s got some things ta say.’

 

 

 

Ben leapt to his feet again. ‘No!’ he said. ‘Joseph I forbid it!’

 

 

 

Joe stepped forward and faced his father. ‘Pa I have to,’ he said. ‘I have to tell it.’

 

 

 

Ben shook his head. ‘You don’t know what you’re saying son,’ he said. ‘You know you can’t do this.’

 

 

 

Joe ignored his father and turned to the Judge. ‘My name is Joseph Cartwright and I’ve got things to say,’ he said. ‘My father didn’t shoot Barker.’

 

 

 

‘Joseph!’ Ben’s voice exploded behind him.

 

 

 

Judge Wilcox looked at the young man standing in front of him and noticed how pale he was.  He looked as if he were about to collapse.  The judge leant forward. ‘Do you know who did shoot Barker?’ he asked quietly.

 

 

 

Joe shook his head. ‘No sir,’ he said just as quietly. ‘But I know that my Pa didn’t.  I know why he paid him that money and I need to tell it to stop him pleading guilty.’

 

 

 

Judge Wilcox sat up straight again. ‘The boy will take the stand,’ he said in a loud voice. ‘Please get down Mr Cartwright.’

 

 

 

Ben shook his head. ‘No,’ he said in a strangled voice. ‘Joseph I won’t let you do this.’

 

 

 

Joe looked at his father sadly, his voice shaking with fright. ‘You don’t have a choice Pa,’ he said. ‘I’m gonna do it.’

 

 

 

Hoss stepped forward and pulled his father towards him. ‘Pa sit down,’ he said. ‘Joe knows what he’s doing.’  Ben gave his youngest son one final look before allowing himself to be pulled away from the stand.  Joe sat down and took his father’s place, closing his eyes for a moment as he felt everyone’s eyes upon him.  He felt totally exposed up there facing everyone and the thought brought back memories of that day that he had fought so hard to forget.  The last time he had faced a crowd this large had been on the day of the auction and try as he would to block the thoughts from his mind, they came flooding back.

 

 

 

 

 

Suddenly he was pushed from behind towards the steps leading up to the platform near him.  He stood still, refusing to move until the guards grabbed him by the arms and hoisted him up bodily. Standing alone on the platform made him feel totally exposed and he turned to move away from the peering faces that stared back at him, but the auctioneer motioned to the guards and they moved over to him and held him still.  Joe closed his eyes, refusing to look at the sea of faces before him, and tried to block out the words that were being said.  Suddenly he felt his shirt ripped from his shoulders and down to his waist, exposing his upper torso. He closed his eyes even tighter and swayed on his feet, but was held upright in a tight grip by the two men on either side of him. How much longer? Make this finish! Please God make this finish!

 

 

 

The noises around him became louder and louder until it seemed to Joe that his head would burst. He tried to bring his thoughts inward and block out the external noises around him, but try as he might words and phrases kept invading his senses. ‘Come on gentlemen ….. $1000 …. not often do you see quality like this ……..$3000 thank you sir ….. looks like this are hard to come by ….. $5000 to the gentleman in the corner …..a bargain at any price……such light skin, just take a look ….. $7000, thank you sir ……come now gentlemen you can do better than that surely ……’ Joe listened as the price went higher and with each bid a bit more of his dignity was snatched from him.  He willed himself to concentrate on his breathing. God make it finish! Please make it finish. Pa! Please help me Pa!

 

 

 

 

 

‘Joseph?’ asked Judge Wilcox. ‘We’re waiting.’

 

 

 

Joe opened his eyes again and felt his heart beating wildly.  He looked around the room and his eyes found those of his father’s staring back at him.  He took a deep breath. ‘My Pa didn’t shoot Mr Barker,’ he said.

 

 

 

Judge Wilcox leant forward. ‘What can you tell us about that day Joseph?’ he asked.

 

 

 

Joe took another breath and spoke quickly to get the words out. ‘My Pa had paid Mr Barker $30 000 to keep him quiet,’ he said. ‘He was blackmailing my Pa to keep quiet about me.  Pa told him to take the money and get out of town and he left on the stagecoach. Pa and my brothers went searching for me cause I’d run off, and he didn’t go after Barker at all.  He spent the whole day looking for me.’

 

 

 

Judge Wilcox frowned. ‘What was Barker blackmailing your father about?’ he said. ‘What was it about you that he was going to tell?’

 

 

 

Joe took another deep breath and tried to control his trembling voice.  He felt everyone’s eyes upon him and the room was so still that you could have heard a pin drop. ‘He was gonna tell everyone what happened to me when I went to New Orleans a few weeks ago,’ he said in a voice barely above a whisper. ‘There was a man there that Barker worked for.  He ….He…’ Joe stopped and licked his lips. ‘He bought me,’ he said.

 

 

 

The Judge looked puzzled. ‘I don’t understand,’ he said. ‘He bought you?  What do you mean?’

 

 

 

‘He bought me,’ said Joe. ‘They said that my mother… that she was part-coloured.  It made me part-coloured too and … the man… he bought me.’  There was a deep silence in the courtroom and no one moved.  Joe’s soft trembling voice carried to the far corners of the room with ease. ‘Barker said that he’d tell everyone about me being…. coloured and so my Pa paid him money to keep him quiet.’  He closed his eyes for a moment.  It was done!  He’d said it and it was done!

 

 

 

The Judge looked at the young boy intently. ‘I see,’ he said. ‘Well that explains why your father paid Mr Barker the money Joseph, but it doesn’t really help.  Your father has stated that he killed Mr Barker.

 

 

 

Joe turned his tear-filled eyes to the Judge. ‘But he’s lying!’ he said. ‘He’s only saying that because he thinks I done it!’  He turned to his father. ‘You can tell em now Pa!  You can tell em that you didn’t do it!  You don’t need to protect me no more.  I didn’t do it either, don’t you see?’

 

 

 

Ben stared at his son, his thoughts awhirl.  At that moment the back door banged open and Sheriff Coffee ran into the room. ‘Judge!’ he said. ‘I have news to add to this case.’

 

 

 

The Judge threw his hand up in despair. ‘Well you’d better come forward then Sheriff,’ he said sarcastically. ‘It seems that everyone else is determined to run this trial, so I don’t see why you shouldn’t have your say as well.’

 

 

 

Roy Coffee approached the Judge, patting Ben on the shoulder as he passed him. ‘I just received a wire from Carson City,’ he said. ‘The sheriff has taken into custody a drifter who has admitted to the murder of Barker.

 

 

 

There were murmurs around the room and the Judge banged his gavel again. ‘What?’ he said. ‘I’ve never dealt with a case where two men admit to killing the same man!’

 

 

 

‘Appears they caught this guy with the money he took from Barker,’ continued the Sheriff. ‘He saw Barker flashing it around and thought he’d take his chance. Things just got out of control and he ended up killing him.’

 

 

 

‘What about the gun?’

 

 

 

‘He stole it a few weeks ago from one of The Ponderosa hands,’ said Roy. ‘He’s admitted to the whole thing.’

 

 

 

The Judge wiped his hand over his eyes wearily. ‘Mr Cartwright please stand up,’ he said. Ben stood and faced the Judge. ‘Do you wish to change your plea?’

 

 

 

Ben nodded as he smiled at Joe. ‘I do Your Honour,’ he said. ‘I plead Not Guilty.’

 

 

 

The Judge banged his gavel again. ‘Case dismissed,’ he said.

 

 

 

Hiram stood and patted Ben on the back. ‘Congratulations,’ he said.

 

 

 

‘Thank you,’ said Ben, shaking the man by the hand. ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t much help to you Hiram.’

 

 

 

‘Well I understand now why you weren’t,’ replied the Attorney. He looked at Joe who was still seated on the stand with his eyes on the floor. ‘Young man, in all my years of practising Law that was the gutsiest performance I’ve ever witnessed.’  Joe looked up at the Attorney with tears in his eyes. Hiram turned to Ben and said in a loud voice. ‘That’s one fine son you have there Ben, but I’m sure you know that.’

 

 

 

Ben smiled at him. ‘I sure do,’ he said as he stepped forward and pulled Joe to his feet. ‘He’s a son I’m very proud of.’  He hugged Joe to him and felt the boy dissolve into him as he felt himself engulfed by his father’s strong arms. He stroked his son’s head gently, not caring who was watching them. ‘I’m so proud of you for doing what you did Joseph,’ he whispered into the boy’s ear. ‘So proud.’

 

 

 

Joe drew back from his father and smiled at him. ‘I had to do it Pa,’ he said. ‘I couldn’t let you go to prison.’

 

 

 

‘Ironic, isn’t it?’ said Adam beside them. ‘Only a few more minutes and Joe wouldn’t have had to say anything.  Roy would have come in anyway and everything could have remained a secret.’

 

 

 

Ben shook his head as he continued to look at Joe. ‘No,’ he said. ‘It had to be told.  It was meant to be told, wasn’t it Joseph?’

 

 

 

Joe smiled at his father through his tears. ‘I guess so,’ he said softly.

 

 

 

‘Pa?’ said Hoss. ‘We should get outta here, don’t ya think?’

 

 

 

Ben nodded and felt Joe stiffen beside him. ‘Just stick close to me Joe,’ he said softly. ‘I told you before that nothing will hurt you anymore.’

 

 

 

Joe looked around him fearfully. ‘But all them people Pa,’ he said. ‘They all know now.’  He bit his lip.

 

 

 

Ben held his son tightly at his side as he turned him to face the back door.  Adam and Hoss stood on either side of them as they inched their way through the people towards the exit. As the four Cartwrights made their way slowly forward the crowd parted around them and one after another each person stood in silence.  One at a time each man that they passed put on his hat and tipped it in Joe’s direction and every women nodded to him and smiled.  By the time they had reached the back door, Ben could hardly see for the tears that were running down his cheeks.

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

Ben smiled at the sight of his son sitting in the grass and wriggling his bare toes and walked over to stand beside him. Joe looked up and smiled at him. ‘Hi Pa.’ he said. ‘How’d ya know I’d be here?’

 

 

 

Ben sat down next to him. ‘I just thought you might be,’ he said.  He looked out over the lake and took a deep breath to smell the aroma of the pines above them.

 

 

 

Joe drew up his knees and hugged them tightly as he lowered his chin onto them. ‘You know, I haven’t been here since we came home,’ he said quietly.

 

 

 

‘I know,’ replied his father ‘I’ve been waiting for you to come.’

 

 

 

‘You have?’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘Yes.’

 

 

 

‘I guess I couldn’t before,’ said Joe as he looked at the stone marker beside him. ‘I… didn’t want to.’  He glanced back at his father sadly. ‘I’ve never felt like that before Pa.’ Ben waited. ‘I think… I think I didn’t want to talk to my mother about it all,’ continued Joe. ‘I didn’t want her to know what happened.’

 

 

 

‘She knows Joe.’

 

 

 

‘Yeah… Pa I gotta say something to you that you mightn’t like.’  Ben was still as he listened to his son find the words. ‘I felt like… I felt like it was her fault in a way.  I didn’t want to feel that way, but still I did and it made me kinda ashamed to face her cause… well none of it was her fault was it?’ Ben shook his head as he looked at his son. ‘She couldn’t help what happened,’ continued Joe. ‘I’m not ashamed of her Pa, really I’m not!’

 

 

 

‘I know.’

 

 

 

Joe wriggled his toes again and bent down to turn over his foot.  He fingered the mark on his heel. ‘Ya know it’s just a mark ain’t it Pa?’ he said. ‘It don’t mean nothing if I don’t want it to.’

 

 

 

‘Ben put his arm around his son’s shoulder. ‘That’s right Joseph, it’s just a mark. Nothing more.’

 

 

 

Joe bit his lip. ‘But…’

 

 

 

‘But what?’

 

 

 

He took a deep breath and let it go with a sigh. ‘I feel better now that I’ve told about it in a way, but… well with everyone knowing now…’ his eyes filled with tears again.

 

 

 

‘Son listen to me.  You saw the people in the courtroom and the way they reacted to you after you testified. They were showing you a mark of respect Joseph. You’ve got nothing to be afraid of, and certainly nothing to be ashamed of’

 

 

 

Joe shook his head. ‘Yeah I saw em,’ he said. ‘But they weren’t the whole town were they?  They were only some people.’

 

 

 

‘Some people who will tell others,’ said Ben. ‘You know the way word gets around town.  Everyone will know exactly what happened by now.’

 

 

 

‘That’s just what I mean,’ said Joe. ‘Everyone will know by now that I’m part-coloured and that I was a slave.’  Ben smiled to hear his son say the words so easily that he couldn’t have uttered even a few days ago. ‘They’re not all gonna think good things about me cause of it!’

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘Joe this town is made up of all sorts of people as you know.  Of course some of them will say things about you, but I believe that there enough people who will defend you against that kind of ignorance if only you’ll let them. Sure you’ll have a hard time ahead of you, especially for a while, but remember that you’ll have a lot of people on your side. Your brothers and I for a start.’

 

 

 

Joe smiled at his father. ‘I know,’ he said. ‘Strange though ain’t it Pa?  How I never wanted anyone to know and then I go and be the one to tell em all.’

 

 

 

‘You did that for me,’ said Ben, hugging his son’s shoulder even tighter.

 

 

 

Joe looked surprised. ‘Of course,’ he said. ‘Why wouldn’t I? Pa you’re more important to me than anything in this whole world!  If I had a choice between losing you and having everyone turn against me, well….’ He searched for the words to express his feelings. ‘Well there just ain’t no choice!  Don’t you know that?’ His emotions took over and his voice began to shake. ‘Sides, after what you did for me… I mean down in Alabama and all.  Plus being ready to go to jail for me…’  He looked at the ground as the tears began to overtake him. ‘You did that to save me.’

 

 

 

‘Son I told you I would never let anything hurt you like that again.  It wasn’t just words Joe…I meant it.’

 

 

 

Joe hung his head and began to sob quietly.

 

 

 

‘It’s all right Joseph,’ said Ben.

 

 

 

Joe shook his head. ‘No Pa, it ain’t all right. Sometimes I know I can be a real pain…’

 

 

 

Ben laughed. ‘Just sometimes?’ he asked teasingly.

 

 

 

Joe gave a short chuckle through his tears. ‘Well most of the time I reckon,’ he acknowledged with a half-smile. ‘But I don’t mean to be.  I think…well I think you’re just the best Pa a feller could ever have and I want to tell you that.’  He looked up and gave his father a wider smile. ‘I really love you Pa.’

 

 

 

Ben patted his boy’s head and gave him a soft smile. ‘I know you do Joseph and I love you too son.  More than I could ever say.’

 

 

 

‘Its hard to find the words to say what’s inside ain’t it?’ said Joe softly.

 

 

 

Ben nodded. ‘Yes son,’ he said. ‘But sometimes we don’t have to say them.  We just know.’

 

 

 

 

 

XXXXXXX

 

 

 

 

 

‘So,’ said Hoss straightening up and stretching his back. ‘ Now that that’s all the loading is finished what’s say we go for a beer?’ He looked at his father hopefully. ‘Sure is a hot one today don’t ya reckon Pa?’

 

 

 

‘Sure is,’ agreed Adam as he wiped the sweat off his forehead and replaced his hat. ‘We’ve loaded those supplies in record time.  Seems to me that we’re ahead of schedule.’

 

 

 

Ben gave a short laugh. ‘Well I can’t say that you two are very subtle about it,’ he said. ‘What do you think Joe?  How does a drink sound to you? Unless you’d rather go down the street and have that haircut you need instead.’ He looked at his son’s hair and marvelled at how long it looked already in such a short time.

 

 

 

Joe returned his father’s look. ‘Aw Pa!’ he said. ‘You know I like it long!  I don’t need a haircut yet! But as for a drink…well if you insist on buying…I won’t say no.  He grinned at his brothers and winked.

 

 

 

Ben pretended to frown. ‘Now who said I was buying?’ he asked.

 

 

 

Adam gave him an innocent look. ‘You did!’ he said. ‘Just now…didn’t you?’

 

 

 

Ben laughed again and flung his arm around Joe’s shoulder. ‘Come on then,’ he said over his own shoulder as he walked away. ‘Never let it be said that Ben Cartwright was stingy with his money.’

 

 

 

Adam and Hoss winked at each other as they followed each other down the street. As they neared the Saloon Ben felt Joe stiffen slightly and he tightened his grip on his son. ‘It’ll be fine Joe,’ he said softly. ‘One step at a time remember?’

 

 

 

Joe gave his father a slight nod and tried to smile at him, but Ben noticed that the smile stayed on his son’s lips and didn’t reach his eyes.  It had been like this for the past few days. Joe had faced one hurdle after another each day…mostly with dealing with the hands on the ranch…but today was the first time he’d had to do it in town and it was quite an ordeal for the boy.

 

 

 

No one at any time had given him the slightest indication that they were treating him any different to normal, whether by word or action, but Ben knew how tense Joe was about each new person that he came into contact with.  At some stage they all knew that there would be a remark or an action to indicate what was in everyone’s minds and Ben was dreading it.  He knew that Joe was too.  Each place they went and each person they met was another test for his son and one that so far he had passed beautifully.

 

 

 

As they entered the Silver Dollar Saloon Ben saw immediately that it was crowded.  They made their way straight to the bar, Ben’s arm still around Joe’s shoulder holding him tight. ‘Four beers thanks,’ he said, plonking down the money on the counter.

 

 

 

‘Since when did ya start serving coloureds in here?’ came a drawling voice from behind and Ben turned to see Ed Leonard standing behind them.  Everyone in the Saloon stopped and stared in their direction at the man’s words. Joe swallowed and closed his eyes.

 

 

 

Before Ben could react in any way, Sam the bartender answered first. ‘Since about the same time we started serving white trash like you!’ he said angrily. ‘Here you go Mr Cartwright.’  He put the fours beers on the bar. ‘Boys,’ he said with a nod of his head and a smile at Adam, Hoss and Joe.

 

 

 

Ed sneered as he persisted. ‘Well I ain’t gonna drink with no coloureds,’ he drawled.

 

 

 

‘Well then you’d better get out of here,’ declared John Deakin and grabbed hold of the man’s arm as he pulled him to the door and threw him into the street. He turned and smiled at the Cartwrights. ‘How are you today Joe?’

 

 

 

Joe looked at the man surprised. ‘Fine thank Mr Deakin,’ he said with a dazed expression on his face.

 

 

 

‘There’s a table over in the corner Ben,’ said Paul Martin as he passed. He patted Joe on the arm. ‘Nice to see you Joe,’ he said.

 

 

 

Ben led his three sons over to the table in the corner, pleased to feel that Joe’s body had relaxed and didn’t feel nearly as tense. As they seated themselves he smiled around and held up his beer. ‘Well here’s to us!’ he said as they all lifted their glasses to meet his. Ben took a long swallow of beer and as he replaced his glass on the table he was surprised to see a sheepish expression on Joe’s face.  He glanced across to where his son was looking and suppressed a smile at the sight of one of the young barmaids giving his son a wink.  Normally he frowned on that sort of behaviour, but today it meant a lot to him.

 

 

 

He saw that it meant a lot to Joseph too, and the boy blushed as he met his father’s eye. He looked down and studied his beer for a moment, then looked up again and tried not to laugh. With a slight shrug of his shoulders, he tried to look casual.

 

 

 

‘Looks like that gal over there kinda likes ya Joe,’ said Hoss with a nudge to his brother’s ribcage.

 

 

 

Joe gave him a threatening look. ‘Shut up!’ he whispered and went an even darker shade of red.

 

 

 

‘What was that Hoss?’ asked Adam in a loud voice. ‘Did you say something about our little brother and a girl?’ Joe gave his oldest brother a pleading look which Adam ignored. ‘Seems to me that she does look rather keen on you,’ Adam grinned.

 

 

 

Joe turned to his father. ‘Pa!’ he said pleadingly.

 

 

 

Ben laughed. ‘All right boys,’ he said. ‘Leave your brother alone. You’re embarrassing him.’

 

 

 

Hoss grinned. ‘Oh we ain’t begun yet,’ he said with a wink at Adam. ‘Have we older brother?’

 

 

 

Adam returned the look and put an arm around Joe as he leaned closely to him. ‘Certainly not!’ he said. ‘Now let’s see what else we can think of to embarrass our little brother.’

 

 

 

Ben leant back in his chair and laughed at the pained expression on Joe’s face as he tried to ward off both his brothers.  A few days ago none of them would have even dreamed about treating the boy in this way, and now it was as it had been before they had taken that fateful trip. He knew that there still some difficult times ahead for his son, but judging by the reaction of people today they would be fewer than he could ever have hoped for.

 

 

 

‘Joseph I think you’d better give up,’ he said with a chuckle. ‘Your brothers aren’t about to let up on you now.’

 

 

 

Joe looked at his father and grinned. ‘Don’t worry Pa,’ he said as he swatted Hoss’ hand away. ‘I can handle them!’

 

 

 

‘I’m sure you can son,’ replied his father as he leant back in his chair again and watched his three boys again. He smiled as he pushed back his hat.  After what you’ve been through in these past few weeks Joseph I’m sure you can handle anything!

The End