Summary: It’s always a question as to how to commemorate the birthdays of those one has lost. For the Cartwrights, those days were days to celebrate and remember the best of each loved one no longer with them. Then they faced the most devastating loss of all, and the tradition seemed inadequate.
PG  Word count = 3,601

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That Sad Birthday

Each day, Ben had watched as Hoss or Joe brought out another item that reminded him of his oldest son who had left four years before. Joe set up the chess board as if someone was going to play because Adam always had that board ready just in case. Hoss put A Tale of Two Cities on the table by the blue chair. A day later, he put a brand-new harmonica next to it as if someone would soon be playing it. Ben guessed that Adam’s impending birthday had made them more aware of the absence much as he felt that hole in his heart ache a bit more each year at this time. If these little things helped them, he wasn’t going to tell them not to do it even if it made the pangs of loneliness even harder for him. He wouldn’t tell them to stop although it made his heart shed tears at every step they took to remember their brother. They had lost touch with Adam, and Ben feared the worst as each year passed with no news.

On the day of Adam’s birthday, Ben was tired. He hadn’t slept much the night before lost in melancholy thoughts for much of the night. Before dinner, he found himself so tired that he sat in the red leather chair and closed his eyes hoping to get some rest before dinner and the inevitable talk about his missing son. A loud bang startled him a short time later, and he turned to the door where he saw Joe smiling at him.

“Joseph, how many times have I told you to close that door and not slam it!”

Something though was odd about how Joe looked because he smiled as his father bellowed at him. Ben turned to Hoss who was sitting on the settee with a huge grin that was so inappropriate to the situation that Ben frowned, but then he noticed that there was another man in the room sitting in the blue chair.

“Hi, Ben. Surprise.”

“Roy, what are you doing here?”

“Your sons thought it was time we spent some time talking about Adam and remembering him. So, I’ve got some stories to tell that I don’t think any of you have ever heard.”

As if by magic, but it happened too often to be that, Hop Sing was there with a tray of glasses and a bottle of Adam’s favorite sipping whisky. Ben’s oldest son never drank much, but when he did, he liked it to be some of the best. Joe pulled out a box of fine cigars. Ben invited Hop Sing to stay with them. The night was a celebration of Adam’s birthday then with memories of the eldest son. Even though they had lost contact with him, Hoss told them there was no reason to lose hope.

“I know in my gut that he’s out there. I expect he’ll be back here one day. He made that promise to me that he would come back one day, and you know he keeps his promises. He don’t want us forgetting all about him. I figure he ain’t forgotten us. Most likely, he’s gotten himself into a predicament, but we know he’s the kind can get himself out of one too given enough time.”

So Adam’s birthday was added to the family celebrations. When Jamie arrived on the Ponderosa and then became a member of the family, the special event had to be explained to him. There were three other special days of the year with ‘a little less fuss’ as Hoss called it that had to be explained too. Ben told the first story.

“My first wife, Elizabeth, Adam’s mother, died soon after he was born. I still love her, of course, and I will always miss her. Each year on her birthday, I have planted something in her honor. Once we got to this ranch, we started planting a rose or two each year for her. She shared the dream of coming out here so it’s fitting to always remember her here.”

Joe snickered. Ben frowned, but Hoss thought it should be explained. It wasn’t disrespect that he was showing. It was honesty.

“Joe may be the one laughing about it now, but even Adam used to say we could plant roses for her here forever. We plant them, but they don’t last that long with the weather we have, so we have to keep planting more. We got some pretty ones though all the time. People always remark on the roses in our gardens and how good they look.”

“I wondered why you worked so hard to keep roses blooming here. You’re trying to keep something of each of them here with you so it isn’t like they’re completely gone.”

“Well, they’re pretty too. My Mama liked flowers too. She liked all sorts of critters and wild things. I get that from her, I guess. She was the kind of woman liked helping. She got married to Pa cause it started out with her helping Adam when he was sick. Adam used to tell me stories about her. It’s how I know my mother cause I wasn’t old enough to remember her before she was killed.”

“What do we do on her birthday then?”

“We find a family or a person who needs help of some kind, and we spend that day helping just to help without being asked or getting anything in return. Sometimes we’ve helped and done it without the people even knowing it was us.”

“So that makes it kinda fun too?”

“Yes, Hoss’ mother, Inger, was a fun-loving woman. She would have enjoyed every one of the days we spent honoring her. If you were around her, you had to smile. Now Joe can tell you what he came up with as a way to celebrate his mother’s birthday. He was old enough when she was killed in an accident to have known her and to know what she would like.”

Looking to Joe with a hopeful expression, Jamie got a smile in return.

“I know you may have heard some things about my mother liking parties and things like that, but you have to remember that I was only five when she died. I remembered other things. She liked to ride horses, and she loved the lake for the grand views there. She loved picnics with wine on a warm sunny day.”

“So that’s what we do?”

“No, we can’t. She has a winter birthday.”

There was a lot of laughter at Jamie’s obvious disappointment. Hoss slapped his youngest brother on the shoulder nearly knocking him from the settee.

“Nah, that night, we set up a roaring fire, wear our best robes and slippers, and Hop Sing builds up a great big buffet of food with a pretty cake to top it off. We sing songs in French, well, as well as we can.”

“Yes, Adam used to lead that singing, but now I have to do my best to lead these two.”

“Aw, Pa, it don’t matter too much. We’re the only ones listening.”

“Hoss, I wouldn’t be too sure. Last year, I had to go to the bunkhouse and get ten hands not to quit by promising you wouldn’t sing that loud ever again. Pa had to pay them a bonus for that day too.”

As with the other celebrations and even the discussion of them, there was laughter during, and then talking about them afterward. It had been that way for four more years. But now, Ben faced a dreadful day. Hoss was gone. His birthday was approaching. There was no way that he could imagine smiling on the day commemorating the day his second son had been born. Born in tragedy and now lost in tragedy, Hoss had been the opposite. He had been so full of life. Ben felt tears every time he thought of the blue-eyed man with the biggest heart that he had ever known. Now he was lost. They all had lost. Joe was still suffering the grief of his lost wife and his unborn child. The past months had seen so little to bring even the hint of a smile to anyone. They had lost Adam too probably because it had been Hoss who had insisted he could feel in his gut that Adam was still alive. Somehow, Ben could sense that with Hoss gone so too was any hope that he would ever see his eldest son again either. Each day that ticked off on the calendar brought more heartache as what Ben anticipated would be a dreadful day approached.

As the day of Hoss’ birthday dawned, it was cool and a slight drizzle fell in the morning. It fit the mood of the three surviving Cartwrights so well that none even remarked on it. Hop Sing did his best by serving hot cakes and ham for breakfast while promising fried chicken and a big chocolate cake for dinner. However, it seemed there was nothing to bring the spirit of the blue-eyed man to life that day. They tried to share a few anecdotes, but the attempts fell flat. Joe sighed and made his escape first.

“I’ve got some things to do in the barn. If you need me, I’ll be there.”

Jamie wanted to stay to offer some comfort to his father, but Ben waved him off after a short and uncomfortable interval.

“Go find something to do. This isn’t helping either of us.”

All three were nursing their sorrow but separate from one another when a carriage pulled into the yard. If anything, they groaned inwardly together. The last thing any of them wanted was a guest, and as they approached, it was also clearly a stranger. Joe offered help.

“Ma’am, I’ll get a hand who can help you get to where you were going.”

“I don’t believe there’s a need for that.”

The lady had an unusual accent that none of them could place. Curious, Ben stepped forward to greet the woman. She had bright blue eyes and light brown hair that had a reddish tint in the sunlight which was suddenly breaking through the clouds. Ben had to know why she didn’t think she needed help finding her destination.

“Why is that, ma’am?”

“I believe I have found the place I was seeking if this is the Ponderosa.”

“It is. But why would you be looking for the Ponderosa?”

“Because I was looking for you. I assume you must be Ben Cartwright based on the description I was given and the drawings I have. This man who offered assistance is older looking than I expected, but he must be Joe Cartwright.”

Both Joe and Jamie frowned at her comments, and Ben didn’t give up on his inquisition of her.

“That’s true, but what do you mean drawings? Who are you?”

“I suppose I should have started with that, but this is all a rather awkward situation. You see, my name is Jessamine Cartwright.”

The large bundle on the seat next to her shifted and a head popped up. A thin boy with brown hair and blue eyes looked around at them and then up at the lady.

“Mama, they look older than how Papa drew them.”

“Yes, dear, but it has been years since he saw them last.”

Standing in shock, Ben couldn’t speak, but Joe did.

“Are you trying to tell us that you’re married to Adam?”

“I am.”

“Then where is he?”

“Now that is a long story. Do you suppose you could extend what Adam assured us would be some Cartwright hospitality so I could tell it in a more comfortable setting than the seat of a carriage?”

“Mama, we saw them. May we go home to Papa now?”

“No, dear, we are not quite done here yet.”

Disappointed, the boy looked around.

“Oh, they have horses. May I ride the horses?”

“It doesn’t appear we will be here that long.”

Finally getting his wits together, Ben took charge.

“Of course, you will. I’m sorry I did not extend a welcome as I should have. I’m sorry. It was such a shock and coming on this day especially.”

“Yes, we did get a copy of a newspaper with that news. Adam warned me how difficult it might be. It was quite difficult for him too.”

Ben looked over to his sons to be sure they said nothing about that even if they were all wondering why Adam wasn’t there. With Joe and Jamie assisting, Jessamine and her son were escorted into the house. When it was time to introduce them to Hop Sing, Ben realized he didn’t know the boy’s name.

“This is Aaron Cartwright, but we all call him AC. Aaron turned out to sound too much like Adam around the house, and it got confusing.”

Once they were settled by the fireplace, Jessamine asked if there was a place where AC could go to draw and read.

“Perhaps there is a quiet place? He is quite well-behaved and needs little supervision.”

Joe offered a suggestion. “I could get our foreman, Candy, to sit out on the porch with him. They might even get a chance to go look at the horses if we take a while in here.”

When Jessamine nodded, Ben agreed. She was quiet until Joe returned, and then looked very serious.

“I know you are probably unhappy that you have not heard from Adam in all these years. I have a story to tell, and it is not a happy one in some ways, but please let me tell the whole of it. If I have to stop, I don’t know if I can continue. I have been practicing on the trip here, and I think I can tell it but please without interruption.”

Joe wasn’t too happy about that because he was burning up with questions, but he agreed as did the other two.

“Adam and I met in France about a year after he left here. You got letters then, I believe. He never received any in return, but he assumed his movements around stopped the letters from catching up to him. We became very close. When I realized I was with child, we married. My father was furious but said he would find a way to accept it. We had plans to travel here when suddenly Adam disappeared. I thought he had abandoned me. I was on my way to Australia before I found out what had happened to him. He was tried and convicted based on a statement with my mother’s name on it. My mother grew mortally ill on the trip, and the doctor informed her that she was dying. On her deathbed, she recanted that statement about Adam to the ship’s captain in front of witnesses including me. I had not known anything about the trial. I also made a statement to the captain. The captain made sure to get the corrected testimony back to the authorities so that Adam could be released. He came to Australia then to be with me. My father had no choice but to keep his word, and Adam became part of his business operation. It was the best decision my father probably ever made in business. Adam has wonderful ideas, gets along so well with other businessmen and our workers, and he worked so hard. He missed all of you. On every family birthday, he would sit down with a glass of his favorite brandy and write another letter to you hoping for a response but never got one. Then a year ago, he asked me if I would travel here with him. He wanted to come home as he promised he would if even for a visit. He had to know what had happened and if he still had a family. He was making the arrangements when a terrible accident happened at one of our mines. Adam was hurt badly. He was nearly killed, but he was strong and managed to survive, but he is bedridden and can no longer travel anywhere. One of our family’s most faithful employees came forward to admit that my father had rigged that accident intending to kill Adam. He further disclosed that my father had made sure not one of those letters Adam had written had ever been allowed to be sent here. They were all destroyed. And now you know.”

Joe was struck by the most obvious result of the timing. “If Adam had come home a year ago, Hoss would still have been alive.”

“And you and he and his brothers here would likely have figured out the truth. My father was afraid of what would happen if the truth came out. I believe my mother did not submit that letter to get Adam jailed in France. She was always so flighty, and she never seemed to have a practical thought in her head. I can’t imagine her doing something so well-orchestrated as that. Oh, I’m sure she knew about it. But she was a proper wife who did what her husband wanted.”

Ben frowned with the evident question. “How did she manage to recant that letter then? Why would she do that?”

“She was devout. The idea of dying with a sin on her soul like that was too frightening to her. She told the ship’s doctor who called in the ship’s captain and a chaplain. My father wasn’t aware of what had happened until it was over.”

“Adam could have written a letter with all of this instead of sending you and his small son all this way.”

“That’s true. Adam said he made a promise to come home one day. This is the best he could do. He sent a part of himself. I wanted to come too and I wanted AC to meet his family.”

“AC?”

“Yes, Adam said it was funny because AC loves animals especially horses. He wants to live on a ranch when he’s a man. Yes, I can see by your look what you may be thinking, and we thought the same too. I believe AC will come here to live when he is a man. He loves to do many of the things his father loves, but he is your legacy too.”

“What about your father?”

“He is in prison. For his offenses and at his age, he will likely die there.”

“And the employee who helped him in his scheme?”

“He has been pensioned off. Father had helped the man’s family so much, the man didn’t know what to do. He did the wrong thing but for loyalty and gratitude. At least, at the end, he told the truth. Most importantly, what will all of you do now?”

“I think we have one very important thing to do now. I want to drink some brandy while we have a chicken dinner with chocolate cake celebrating Hoss’ birthday. We’ll start telling some family stories and get AC ready to be part of the family here when he’s ready to make that choice. And this week, I think we can take time to show you some of Adam’s favorite spots on the ranch.”

“Perhaps you could show us some that Hoss loved too. We never got to know him so we would certainly appreciate the chance to learn some things about him too. Adam has told us quite a bit about him, but there’s nothing quite like walking where he walked and seeing what he saw.”

That brought tears to Ben’s eyes as well as Joe’s, and neither could speak for a moment. They didn’t have to do that though as Jamie had another request.

“And maybe you could tell some Adam stories. I don’t hardly know him. Hoss used to tell me some things, and I would like to know him as well as I can. I bet he’s a lot nicer than some of the stories that Joe told me. Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have said that.”

Ben noted that it was probably the first time that Jamie had been able to say Hoss without a tremor in his voice. Jamie’s question helped bring Joe back into a more positive mode too.

“It’s all right, Jamie. I’m sure Adam has some stories about me that are less than favorable. Anyway, when AC has gone to bed, I’ll tell some great Adam and Hoss stories that none of you know, but a little boy shouldn’t hear.”

“Joseph!”

And another sad birthday became a cause for celebration. As the days passed, Jamie openly speculated on the possibility of escorting his sister-in-law back to Australia. Ben said that was out of the question because Jamie was too young to take on such a trip alone. Joe smiled and looked at his sister-in-law.

“Tell Adam that the next trip will be mine, and tell him not to keep Pa and Jamie there too long. It’s a big ranch here, and I can’t run it by myself without making a mess of things.”

“I doubt very much that you would make a mess of things. Adam told me he figured you would take over the ranch one day and make it even better than it was. He has great confidence in you. He told AC he could learn a lot from you.”

“I already did, Mama. He taught me some questions to ask that he said would make Papa’s face get all red.”

There was a chorus of ‘Joseph!’ for that, and smiles from heaven.