Summary: The Cartwrights band together to help each other through a dark time of twists and turns.

Rating: PG for adult issues and emotionally intense scenes / Words:   58,425

Like Joseph Series

Like Joseph
Whatever My Lot

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Acknowledgements:

 Special thanks to Kaatje and Holliday and everyone else who were faithful readers when this story was a WIP. I appreciate your comments and suggestions throughout the writing process. Also many thanks to my beta readers, Kemarlow and Lynnlaur for putting in the time to read and discuss corrections with me.

This was originally a WIP in the Bonanza World forum and was posted in its completion to the BW Library in January of 2007. Thank you to BluewindFarm and Cheaux and Bonanza Brand for helping preserve the older fanfic stories like this one.

 

Like Joseph

 

Chapter1 – A Family Moment

“Hey little man, what’cha doin’,” Hoss asked as he walked up behind the small boy.

“Shh! They’ll hear you!” The youngster said holding one finger to his mouth.

“Who?” Hoss looked around at the vacant yard.

“Them bad guys,” the six-year-old pointed with his thumb in the direction of the barn door, which stood slightly ajar.

Hoss frowned quizzically as he peeked into the barn. He saw Adam moving a pitchfork back and forth. He could hear Joe’s voice coming from within, though he couldn’t see him. The two men were talking quietly as they went about their barn chores.

Hoss looked down at the boy who was also peering into the barn. From the pocket of the child’s britches poked a stick that roughly resembled the shape of a pistol.

“So, Benny – I mean, Sheriff – what’d these ‘bad guys’ do anyway?” Hoss asked, trying to keep his face serious.

“Why, they’re robbing that bank in there!” he answered as though it should be obvious to anyone.

“Oh, right…” Hoss rubbed his chin thoughtfully, “Well, I ‘spect yer gonna’ need a pretty good deputy.”

The child turned around and looked up disappointedly, “Aw, I tried to make ol’ Chief over there my deputy, but he just wants to lay ‘round on the porch.”

Hoss looked over to see the Bassett Hound lying on its side, one long ear flopped lazily over both eyes as a shield from the midday sun. He could hear Chief’s snoring across the yard. He had to admit, the dog was a cute one, but he didn’t make an especially practical ranch dog.

“Yeah, I reckon dogs don’t make good deputies. Say, how ‘bout I be yer deputy?”

“Really?” Benny said excitedly, then held himself in check and stated soberly, “Well, I s’pose you’ll do fine.”

“So, you got a plan, sheriff?” Hoss asked as he bent down to the boy’s level.

“Well, I figger’ I’ll go in and say, ‘Stick’em up!’” He held his finger out as though it were a gun.

“Well, that’s pretty good I guess, but ain’t that what bad guys say? How ‘bout, ‘All right yer under arrest!’”

“Ooh, that’s good Hoss – I mean Deputy. Ready?”

Hoss reached for the broom leaning against the outside of the barn and held it like a rifle.

“Ready,” he answered seriously.

Benny swung the barn door open, yelling out, “Alright you bank robbers, yer under arrest!” He glanced up at Hoss seeking approval for the delivery of the line. Hoss answered with a nod and a wink.

Adam and Joe calmly looked up from their work. A grin spread across Adam’s face as he realized what was happening and nudged Little Joe with his elbow.

“Oh, yeah – um – you caught us red-handed,” Joe said. Both brothers raised their hands in the air.

“Now, don’t you two even think of makin’ any sudden moves, ya hear?” Hoss said. He was standing behind Benny, grinning widely. He gave a wink to Adam and Joe.

“Oh, we wouldn’t think of it-“ Adam began, but before he quite got the words out, Joe had lunged forward, rolled on across the barn floor to a nearby empty stall, his fingers pointed at Benny and making “bang”-ing sounds.

Benny jumped in surprise at this then covered his mouth as he laughed. He then reached for the “pistol” in his pocket. Unfortunately, it caught on the fabric of his pants and made for a charmingly clumsy few moments as the child scrambled to get the stick out of his improvised holster. When at last it came free, Benny pointed at Joe.

“Bang! Bang!”

Joe’s hands covered his heart. “Ah, ya got me!” He rolled back out to the middle of the barn to die.

“Bang! Bang!” Benny now pointed at Adam.

Adam, however, refused to die as quickly. He groaned dramatically as he clutched his abdomen. He tumbled left then stammered right, all the while making grunting noises. This carried on for several moments before he finally fell to the ground next to Joe. He lay motionless for a moment then twitched a few times before expiring completely.

*****

It was almost time for lunch as Ben stepped out of the front door to call his youngest son in to wash up. He stopped short, frowning, when he saw the front yard was empty. Hadn’t he told the boy to stay in the yard? Just then, he heard “Bang! Bang!” from the barn. He scowled. How many times had they gone over this? Staying “in the yard” did not include going to the barn to pester his brothers. He walked determinedly to the barn door. He rolled his eyes when he noticed that it had been carelessly left open. He reached the door just in time to catch the last fleeting groans of Adam’s death scene. He paused in the doorway, his irritation fading at the story unfolding before him. He’d seen this little bit played out before and held back a smile as he thought of how much Benny loved to play “Sheriff.” Leaning against the door slightly, he watched his small son.

Benny leaned over to inspect his recently deceased perpetrators and scratched his head in confusion. Usually, when he got close enough to inspect them, they would jump up and the gun fight would begin again. He took his stick-pistol and poked Adam with it on the shoulder. Adam remained motionless. Benny turned his attention to Joe, who he tapped on the leg with the stick. Nothing.

He spun around to Hoss and cocked his head, a crinkle-nosed grin on his face. Benny knew they were up to something but couldn’t quite put his finger on what was about to happen. Smiling, Hoss shrugged his shoulders at him.

Suddenly, Benny was being lifted from the ground. He squealed as the barn swirled around him.

“I’ve got you now Sheriff!” Joe was saying. Benny could hardly hear him over his own giggling.

“Say, Adam, let’s teach our dear Sheriff here a lesson. Let’s throw him over this cliff,” Joe pointed to a large mound of fresh hay to his right.

With a smile, Adam jumped up and grabbed the child’s ankles, while Joe latched on to his wrists. They began to swing him back and forth.

“No, no! Don’t!” Benny said in gasps between bouts of laughter.

“Oh, you’re in for it in now!” Adam said.

“One….two….”The men counted as they swung.

“Threee!” Ben, who still stood in the doorway, felt his heart stop as their hands let loose of the boy. Benny laughed as he landed softly on the pile of hay, and Ben allowed himself to relax again.

Benny let himself tumble haphazardly to the bottom of the pile. He got up and ran happily to Hoss. He raised his arms upward to his large brother. Hoss knew exactly what that meant. He picked the boy up and tossed him high into the air with hefty grunts. Catching him on the way down, he’d propel him right back up into the air once again.

Just as Hoss was setting Benny back on the ground, Ben decided to finally make his entrance. He took a moment to replace his grin with his most serious father-face.

“What in blazes is going on in here?” he shouted, crouching down toward the boy.

The four turned their heads to look at their father, all still wearing smiles except for Benny. Benny suddenly remembered his father’s admonition to stay in the yard. Oh dear, he thought, he’d done it now. He looked at his father with wide, repentant eyes and stood motionless, awaiting whatever might come next.

Ben’s face relaxed into a grin again as he walked into the center of the barn.

“You’ve gotta be careful of those bank robbers, Sheriff!” Ben said then eased himself down onto one of the few bales of hay that was still tightly packed and bound with wire. He folded his arms and sat back to take in the scene before him.

Benny smiled and relaxed, dropping to his knees next to Hoss, who had already made himself comfortable on the loose hay. Benny flopped himself over Hoss’s legs, laying crossways on his belly. Contentedly, he laid his head down on Hoss’s lap.

“I’m gonna be a she’errf when I grow up,” he said more to himself than anyone in particular, “An’ I’m gonna get all the bad guys.”

Hoss smiled and rubbed a few small circles on the boy’s back with his large hand before pulling his hat down over his eyes.

For all the noise and excitement that filled the barn moments before, all was quiet and peaceful now. It wasn’t a sad kind of quiet or even an uncomfortable quiet. It was a contented silence as each person became absorbed in his own thoughts.

Ben looked around the room, taking in the sight, memorizing it. It was one of those unremarkable moments that, for whatever reason, the heart chose to be a special memory.

Ben looked to his right. Adam and Joe were sitting, backs propped up against a wall of hay bails. They had a quiet conversation going between them. Ben was oblivious to the topic of discussion. From their demeanor, it was just casual light-hearted talk between brothers. Adam had one leg stretched out and the other was bent supporting the weight of his elbow on it. He unconsciously twirled a long strand of hay in his fingers. His face still held the trace of a smile. It was good, although not common, to see Adam with his guard down. He was happy, of that Ben was sure, but he was not given to as much merriment as his brothers. In fact, almost the only time he allowed himself to be sucked into these raucous games, was when Benny was involved. It reminded Ben of years earlier when Little Joe had been Benny’s age.

Ben’s mind briefly traveled to a time when the pain of Marie’s death was still fresh in their hearts. He’d taken the boys on a picnic in the meadow and there watched Adam entertain his younger brothers. They played “Blind Man’s Bluff,” and other games that he knew Adam felt too old to be playing. At seventeen, he’d fancied himself to be a man, but had a tender heart toward his grieving brothers and was willing to do almost anything to help them smile again. It didn’t seem that terribly long ago, but here was Adam all of thirty-two years old.

Thirty-two. How old does that make me?>/i> He mused. Adam had really turned out exactly as Ben had always imagined. Always the responsible one; doing what must be done. Ben wondered just how he would have made out all years without Adam at his side. He’d gone through a lot in his life, but looking at his contented expression, he seemed no worse for the wear.

Ben’s eyes traveled to Little Joe. Little Joe? The name was more a tradition now than anything. He wasn’t the youngest in the family anymore. Joe had been nearly grown when Benny came to them, and now at twenty years of age, he was certainly not little anymore. He was a man now. When had that happened?

Much to Joe’s satisfaction, his older brothers were treating him less and less like a little kid. Ben knew that much of that was because of the presence of Benny which had made Joe grow up. He was now a big brother, a role he’d never played until five and a half years ago. He watched his third son as he mindlessly toyed with the brim of his hat. He and Adam were still conversing quietly. Joe’s smile would broaden every now and then at something Adam would say.

Ben smiled. Joe was full of life. Quick to become angry, quick to act, but just as quick to love and show affection. Over the last year or so Ben had noticed his son’s tendency to be quickly angered had been tempered somehow. By what? Age? Wisdom? He wasn’t sure, but here before him was a man, with hardly a glimmer of the boy he’d once held in his arms. Little Joe had a natural handsomeness that Ben was proud of. He’d never have admitted that out loud, for fear of his pride being taken as vanity. Joe was beautiful, with the look of his mother.

Ben shifted his gaze directly across from Adam and Joe. His smile deepened as he watched Hoss and Benny. Hoss was already snoring peacefully. Benny’s eyelids looked heavier with each blink. Ben knew the boy would be lost in dream land soon and chided himself for not making the child stay awake. He knew that if Benny fell asleep now, he’d never take his nap after lunch. Ben dismissed his concerns of naptime. He knew he’d regret it later, but he didn’t care. He wanted to sit in this moment forever.

Hoss reached up under his hat to scratch his nose, then let his hand drop to his side again before resuming his snoring. Ben chuckled softly, Hoss truly had a knack for sleeping anywhere, anytime. Hoss. So much love and affection bound into such a silly name. If ever there were one word that could capture the meaning of loyalty and gentleness of mind, heart and hand, it would be “Hoss.” Hoss always had a special way of looking at life. Some mistakenly assumed it to be naivety, but Ben knew better. He knew how much Hoss was acquainted with the darker side of life. No, he wasn’t naïve in any sense of the word. His view on life was more of a choice. The choice to find the best in everyone and every situation.

Ben let his attention fall to Benny. He was lying across Hoss’s lap, in an odd position that Ben thought must be uncomfortable. Ben watched the rise and fall of his back which now came in unison with this almost inaudible snoring. Six. Could it be that old Ben Cartwright was the father of a six-year-old? What’s more, Benny had only just turned six a few days ago. Why, most men his age were grandfathers of children that age! But Ben wouldn’t have traded with those men for the world. Although, at one time, he was not so confident that things would have turned out so well.

Ben allowed his thoughts to take him back to that night five and a half years ago.

*****

“The dad’burned board looks different.”

“What are you talking about, Hoss?” Joe asked, the pitch of his voice betraying the innocent demeanor he was trying to dispay. “You moved, I moved, and now it’s your turn again.”“I’m tellin’ ya I left to go get a doughnut and now I come back and the dad’burned board looks different,” Hoss attempted to explain.

“Well, if you’d rather not finish the game, you can just admit defeat right now.” Fourteen-year-old Joe placed his hands smugly behind his head and propped his feet up on the table. “Joseph,” Ben said, not even looking away from the newspaper he was reading.

“Oh, sorry Pa,” Joe placed his feet back on the floor and turned his attention back to his older brother.

Hoss stood there a moment, thinking over his options.Adam looked up from looked up from his journal, deciding that he’d rather watch how this played out. He crossed his arms and grinned. Little Joe always cheated, and Hoss was just now catching on!

“I’m tellin’ you Little Joe,” Hoss wagged a finger in Joe’s face, “I’m gonna tan you if I ever figger out how it is you cheat like ya do!”

“Well, what’d I do brother? I’m just…” Joe was cut off by a knock at the door.The brothers stared at one other, each waiting for one of the others to make the move to answer the door. All was silent except for the ticking of the clock. Ben looked agitatedly at each of his sons.“Oh, for heaven’s sake, I’ll answer it!” Ben said at length.

Ben stood up and dropped his newspaper in the chair behind him. He walked to the door and lifted the latch. As the door opened, a chilly breeze swept in.

“Well hello Tom, good to see you, come on in,” Ben shut the door to the whistling wind.

“Oh wait, Annie’s coming,” Tom said, motioning to the closed door.

“Oh…” Ben said, a little puzzled and reopened the door. Annie walked up and shivered against the cold. As she came into the light, he noticed she was holding a tightly wrapped bundle.

“Sorry,” She said as she smiled at Ben, “I forgot something in the buggy and had to go back for it.” She indicated the white cotton sack she held that looked as though it held a few clothing items in it.

“Oh here, let me take that for you,” Tom said taking the sack from her.

Across the room, the brothers clamored to their feet upon the entrance of Annie. Adam cocked his head in thought. He hadn’t remembered Tom saying anything about Annie having a baby. They’d been married for about a year, so it wouldn’t have come as a shock to anyone. But still it was odd that he hadn’t heard of the blessed event.“Well, it’s not that good friends aren’t always welcome,” Ben began, “but what on earth brings you out here this time of night?”

Tom scratched his head slowly said, “Well, Ben, you um…. you got a delivery today.”

“Tom, you provide excellent service at the post office, but I’ve never known you to make house calls! You certainly didn’t need to come all the way out here.”

“Well, I kinda did for this delivery…” He laughed uncomfortably, “Truth is, I didn’t rightly know what to do about it…”

Ben frowned quizzically. Tom answered the look by handing him a letter.

“Maybe you’d better start by reading this.”

Adam couldn’t contain his curiosity any longer and moved closer to the entry area where his father and the guests were standing. In his hand he held his journal, index finger marking his place. Hoss and Little Joe followed closely behind him.“It’s from Genevieve.” Ben said in an astonished whisper.

Adam frowned. It had been, what, over a year now since Genevieve, his father’s very young wife had left them? She had simply left a note explaining that she hadn’t realized what kind of commitment she’d gotten herself into; that it was too much for her and she was going back to New Orleans. Adam brought his mind out of the past; his father was reading the letter.

“…I’m sorry things had to turn out like this Ben, but I am at a loss for what to do. I have enclosed the birth certificate. I didn’t name him. I thought you should be the one to do that. I’m sorry. Please don’t think I’m a bad person. Good luck with your new son. Genevieve.”

A loud “thump” startled everyone in the room. Adam’s book slipped from his hand to the floor. Jerking back to reality, he quietly apologized and picked up the book.Ben slowly lifted his head to look at the bundle Annie was holding. The world was spinning. Certificate? Name? Son? The words were repeating themselves in his head. He heard Hoss’s voice call out “Pa?” just before everything went black.He’d fainted.

*****

Ben smiled at the memory of it all. Their world at the Ponderosa had changed forever that night. The weeks that had followed were filled with doctor visits, house calls to find a nursemaid and changing diaper upon endless diaper. But they had made it through.

He continued to look at the small boy, still sleeping soundly. Benny was a good boy. He had black curly hair with bright blue eyes and a little nose that turned up. He was quite small for his age, but what he lacked in size he made up for deep affection for those he loved.

Benny was the kind of kid that was almost always in a pleasant mood. However, when the circumstance was right, the child could work himself up into a fit like no other. Ben thought for a moment about these episodes; it wasn’t like a temper tantrum. He didn’t do it when he simply didn’t get his way. It reminded Ben of how a small critter would act when taken from the wild, with all of its instincts in motion to get back to what was familiar and safe. It was when his little world felt threatened that Benny would let loose. Ben recalled the first time he’d witnessed this little characteristic in his small son.

Benny was about a year and a half old. Adam had been away for a month seeing to a legal matter in San Francisco. It was the longest Benny had ever gone without seeing one of his brothers. When Adam returned, he was greeted with sloppy wet kisses from a child who’d felt like his brother would never come home. The child had spent the rest of the day following Adam’s every step, just trying to be with him.

All was fine until the next morning when Adam headed out to go about his normal daily chores. Benny had cried and latched onto him before he even made it to the door. The more Adam tried to reassure him that he would be back in a few hours, the harder he cried. At length, Ben tried to pry the boy away from Adam’s neck. That was when it happened. Benny began to panic and scream wildly. He clung tightly to Adam with a strength unnatural for one so small. It was not a cry that came from the child so much as it had been a blood-curdling scream. He carried on until suddenly, his face turned pale and he started coughing.

“He’s gonna be sick,” Ben had warned.

Adam freed himself from the child just in time to sit him down outside the front door, where Benny promptly lost his breakfast then passed out.

These fits only happened on rare occasions, but when they did the only one who could calm Benny was Hoss. It was possible that Hoss just had a special way with his youngest brother. The more likely reason, to Ben’s thinking, was Hoss’ size. The pressure from those huge hands against Benny’s body seemed to help the boy know that he was safe and that everything would be okay.

Ben was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of a buggy coming into the yard. Well, he thought, back to life, and he stood up, brushing the hay from his trousers.

Adam and Little Joe were still sitting on the barn floor talking quietly. When their father stood, the sound of the vehicle in the yard caught their attention and they rose as well. The three walked to the barn door. Joe nudged Hoss with the toe of his boot to wake him. Hoss lifted the hat from his eyes and squinted. “Hmm? Oh…,” was all he said.

Hoss gathered his sleeping brother as he stood up, yawning. He pressed one hand against the boy’s back to secure him as he bent over to retrieve the tiny hat that had fallen to the barn floor during their game. Holding Benny with one hand and the hat with the other, he walked out of the barn to meet their guest.

“My name’s Whitaker. I’m a lawyer from New Orleans,” a short, mousey-looking man was saying. His dark mustache was perfectly manicured and twitched nervously.

“Pleased to meet you,” Ben said, offering his hand to the man.

Mr. Whitaker ignored the gesture, hurrying on.

“I need to speak with you regarding-“

The gentleman was interrupted by Hop Sing, who came running out of the house ranting in Chinese. The cook ran straight to Hoss, wagging his finger in the big man’s direction.

“Lunch time! Food get cold!” Hop Sing then noticed the sleeping child and became furious.

“You let little boy sleep now? Little boy no eat lunch. Little boy no take nap. No work get done in afternoon! You take number four son up and wash for lunch!!”

Hoss turned quickly to obey the cook, not wanting to get on his bad side so close to mealtime.

“Joe isn’t it your day to help with Benny?” Adam asked, raising an accusatory eyebrow.

“I’d better go help him,” Joe said, laughing, “I suppose Hoss’ll need a hand anyway, especially with Hop Sing in that temperament!” He nodded politely at their guest and excused himself to go into the house.

Suppressing their own grins, Ben and Adam turned their attention back to their guest.

“As I was saying,” Mr. Whitaker continued, obviously annoyed by the interruption. “I need to speak to you regarding the custody of your son, umm…” He looked down at his file and read, “Benjamin Joseph Cartwright, Jr.”

“Custody?” Adam asked, unsure whether he’d heard the man correctly.

Whitaker took no notice of Adam, as he handed a stack of papers to Ben.

“I have here a summons for you to appear in court in thirty days for the judge in Carson City to determine the rightful custody of your son.”

“Rightful custody?” Ben said with a chuckle, “Why, who else would have rightful custody? He’s my son.”

Mr. Whitaker looked down at his file again and read, “Mrs. Genevieve Marceau Cartwright Richardson vs. Benjamin J. Cartwright, Sr.”

“What?”>/i>  Ben exclaimed, his face turning red. “She can’t do that! Not [I]now[/I]! This is utterly absurd!”

The gentleman’s mustache twitched.

“She thought you might react this way, so she’s arranged for her sister, one…” he read his file again, “Jeanette Marceau Blakely to have a preliminary meeting with you on Monday in Virginia City.”

This was ludicrous. Ben wanted to pull the man out of his buggy with his bare hands and show him just how funny this little gag was not.

“She is expecting you at two o’clock Monday afternoon at the law office of Edward Smith. Good day gentlemen.”

“Wait, hold on a second,” Adam reached grabbed the horse’s bridle to stay the buggy, “What is all this about?”

“I am not at liberty to divulge any information at present. I have agreed to represent Mrs. Richardson and will spend the next thirty days preparing her case for court. I suggest you do the same. Good day.”

He snapped the reins and Adam dropped his hand just as the horse started forward.

The two men stood staring after the buggy, completely taken aback by the previous exchange.

“Well, Pa, what do you make of that?”

“I don’t know, son.”  Ben scowled, “But on Monday we’re going to Ed’s office to find out just what’s going on.”

With that they turned and headed inside for lunch.

Chapter 2 – Why Now?

“Alright, Benny, time to go upstairs,” Joe said as he pushed his chair away from the dining table. They’d managed to wake the boy for lunch and now the task fell to Joe to try and get him to take a real nap so that everyone could actually get some afternoon work done.

Benny finished the last of his milk and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. Ben raised an eyebrow and glared at his youngest. Benny looked at him sheepishly.

“Sorry, Pa,” he said as he picked up his napkin and wiped his mouth with it.

With renewed energy, Benny jumped out of his seat and skipped over to the great room where Joe was now waiting for him. He grabbed his older brother’s hand as the two ascended the stairs.

In his bedroom, Benny chattered non-stop about everything while his brother removed his boots and unbuttoned his shirt. Joe laid his brother down and covered him with an afghan. Benny was still talking.

“All right now,” Joe hushed him with a finger on the boy’s lips. “Time to go to sleep now.”

“Joe?”

“Hmm?”

“…I’m not tired…”

*****

“Pa, it jest don’t make any sense, her wantin’ him back now.” Hoss hit the table with his hand. The china clattered and clinked in response.

Joe sat down at his seat, having just returned from Benny’s room. He’d had to just leave the boy in his room to lie down quietly in the hopes that he’d get some semblance of a nap.

“If she wanted to see Benny, why didn’t she just come and ask us?” Adam asked, knowing inwardly that he probably wouldn’t have approved of her seeing Benny even in that instance.

“Well, we won’t know until we find out. Which is exactly what I intend to do Monday at two o’clock,” Ben said, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Hoss and Joe, why don’t you two hang around the house Monday with Benny so Adam and I can get this matter straightened out with Ed Smith.” The men nodded in unison. “Benny will have his chores to keep him busy, so that should give you two plenty of time to finish with that corral fence. Oh, and see that one of you stays in the house during his nap – he’s been waking up early lately. Sometimes he’s outside and off to all manner of places before I even realize he’s awake.”

“Pa…” Adam said, grimacing slightly, “Don’t you think maybe Benny’s getting a little too old for naps?”

Ben sighed and took a sip of his coffee. “I suppose you’re right… it’s just so… peaceful in the afternoons…” Ben trailed off at the sober look his eldest gave him. “Oh all right,” he conceded at last, “By the end of summer….”

Adam crossed his arms and shook his head.

“Next month?… next week?” Ben’s face held a slight smirk. He was well aware of how much they all babied the youngest member of their family. Benny was so little and easy to coddle.

“Well, somebody’s gotta do all the nappin’ round here and if Benny ain’t gonna do it…” all eyes turned to Hoss, who held a serious, thoughtful face, “I’ll make the sacrifice and do it myself.”

Laughter filled the dining room. That afternoon the men went about their chores with a light heart, seeing nothing about Monday’s meeting to be terribly concerned with.

Chapter 3 – The Meeting

Ed’s head came up from his files at the sound of his office door opening. He stood up and adjusted his spectacles.

“Hello Ed,” Ben said, shaking his friend’s hand.

“Hey Ben. Adam.” He nodded to each. “Come. Sit down…Mrs. Blakely isn’t here yet, but it’s still ten minutes to two.”

Ed felt an uncomfortable silence fill the air. He wasn’t sure exactly what to tell his good friend of fifteen years. He’d frowned when he’d read through the papers he’d received from Mr. Whitaker. Even so, Ed felt confident the judge would side with Ben. Women rarely got custody of their children in cases such as this. He’d never handled a custody case personally, but he’d read about them in school.

“Can I get either of you some coffee?” Ed managed, glad to finally have something to say.

“No.”

“No, thanks.”

Okay, then. Back to silence. Ed could hardly stand the tension in the room. No one liked to bring up Ben’s failed marriage. After Genevieve had finally managed to convince Ben to sign the divorce papers, Ed had taken on the unpleasant task of handling the affairs of it all for his friend. Once that was done with, Ed was more than happy to never mention it again. Now, here it was, working its way back out of the closet. He pitied Ben. He was too good a man to have to suffer this kind of humiliation.

Ed could still think of nothing appropriate to say. The other two men must have sensed his discomfort, and Ed was relieved when Adam opened his mouth to offer up a bit of small talk.

“Did you fair well in that trial with that miner over in Placerville, Ed?”

Ed winced. Perhaps the uncomfortable silence would have been better, he thought.

“Umm…no…actually we lost our case,” he began slowly, “It seems Schuller never owned the mine after all… There was no way for me to know,” he ended lamely.

“That’s too bad…” The words had barely left Adam’s mouth when the door opened. The three gentlemen stood up as Jeanette Blakely entered the building.

“Well, I…uh…don’t guess introductions are necessary…” Ed said, nodding toward the three standing opposite him.

“Jeanette,” Ben said as he and Adam nodded politely at the woman.

She wore an elaborate green satin hoop-dress with a dainty lace trim. The bodice of her dress angled down to an alarmingly small waistline. Her raven hair was neat and tidy under a matching bonnet that tied into an enormous bow under her chin. Ed thought her attire seemed terribly out of place in their rough, western surroundings.

“Good afternoon, Ben,” she said as she untied and removed her bonnet.

“I don’t know that you’ve ever met my eldest son, Adam,” Ben motioned to the dark figure standing to his left.

“No, I don’t believe so, but I remember you speaking of him,” she said pleasantly.

“Well, shall we get down to business?” Ed blurted out, ready to get this over with.

Everyone sat down. Jeanette spoke first.

“As you know, my sister, Genevieve, wants her son back. She requested that I come speak to you and answer any questions you may have.”

In spite of her formal manner, it appeared to Ed that the woman did not look comfortable being put in the middle of this.

“Well,” Ben began, his temper simmering, “My first question is… why does she suddenly want custody? She left him with me – no sent him to me. During the divorce…” Ben hesitated, and Ed knew his friend was still not comfortable with the word, “…she said she wanted nothing from me. Not money, not even our son. She said she simply needed to be free of attachment.”

Jeanette paused a moment, seeming to collect her thoughts before answering. Ed sat back in his chair, feeling more like a nosey fly on the wall than a participant in the session.

“Genevieve is quite changed from the woman you married eight years ago. She’s married again. She has always regretted being parted from her son. She is very motivated to see him return.”

“What makes her think she even has a right to him after all these years?” Adam asked, exasperation in his tone.

Jeanette looked as though she might cry at his harsh words. Suddenly, she threw her hands up, abandoning all attempts at formality.

“Oh, I told her that! I told her it was selfish to pull the child away from his home. Away from the only family he’s ever known, just to ease her own conscience.” She dabbed at her eyes with her white lace handkerchief. “She is a good woman, but now she’s… well, now she must have him back, and she is very intent on accomplishing it.”

“Jeanette,” Ben began, his words slow and deliberate, “you may tell Genevieve that for five and a half years Benny has lived with me in my house. During that time, I diapered him, I>/i> fed him, I watched his first steps, I heard his first words. I was the one who sat at his bedside for three days when he came down with the fever last spring. I was the one who bandaged every scrape and wiped every tear. His home is on the Ponderosa, and that is where he will stay.”

“Ben, you don’t understand-“ she stopped with a choked sob as if there was more to say – more that needed saying – but not by her.

Silence hung in the air. Ed shifted uncomfortably in his chair. The tension in the room was unbearably thick. He reached up to loosen his necktie as Jeanette spoke again, calmer.

“Ben, you need to know that her lawyer feels strongly that they have a good case. You’d better be prepared for whatever he’s got concocted.”

Her words stopped Ed’s heart. Was this truly something they needed to be worried about? Divorces were rare, but he’d never heard of a judge ruling in favor of a mother in a custody hearing. Ed looked at Ben. His expression was one of frustration and doubt. Everyone in the room was speechless again for several moments.

At last Ben spoke, “Thank you Jeanette – for coming here and for trying…” he stopped, and Ed wondered momentarily if this rock of a man might just break down into sobs.

“There was one other thing,” Jeanette said hesitantly, “She wanted me to see the boy… to… see that he’s well.”

Ben’s eyes lowered to the ground. He nodded dumbly and finally said, “I’ll…send one of the boys to get you day after tomorrow… You can come out and see him then…”

Jeanette offered a rather weak, but understanding smile and excused herself saying, “Thank you, I’d better go now – I’m …I’m really very sorry about…”

Ben continued staring at the ground and nodded again. She left, quietly seeing herself out.

“Well, Ed,” Adam sighed, “What do we need to do now?”

Chapter 4 – Alphabet Popcorn

“Ben, I’m going to need to reset his shoulder,” Doc Martin said, raising his voice to be heard over Benny’s cries of pain.

Ben nodded, praying that it could be done swiftly and efficiently.

“First I want to give him some of this.” Paul poured a bit of white powder into a glass of water. Lifting Benny’s head, he encouraged the boy to drink. Before long, the crying ceased – though the child’s chest heaved with an occasional whimper.

Paul looked at Ben, giving him a nod. Ben leaned over and pressed his son’s body to the bed. He winced as he felt the jerk but was relieved to feel the undeniable popping sound of the joint righting itself. He looked down. Benny was out cold.

“He should sleep through the night,” Paul explained as he closed up his medical bag. “When he wakes up, it’ll be mighty sore. I left some medicine on the nightstand there.”

Ben nodded and ushered Paul to the door of Benny’s bedroom. Benny mumbled something and Ben turned, curiously.

“Oh, don’t mind that, Ben… sometimes that medicine does funny things to children…”

Ben raised his eyebrow curiously at his friend.

“He’ll probably talk in his sleep off and on throughout the night – probably wouldn’t be a bad idea for you and the boys to take turns sitting up with him tonight.”

Ben nodded again and the two left the room quietly.

*****

Ben sat with his elbows on the desk and rested his head in hands. His eyes were burning. He looked at the clock. It was nearly midnight. He sighed, looking at the stack of papers before him. As best he could figure, he’d located all the documents Ed had requested earlier that afternoon, including his divorce papers and the letter Genevieve had sent from New Orleans along with Benny. Stacking the papers neatly, he stood to go upstairs.

Nearing his bedroom, he noticed all of the bedroom doors standing wide. That was odd. Joe should have been in with Benny, and he’d thought Adam and Hoss had gone to bed an hour ago. Suddenly, he heard hushed laughter coming from Benny’s room. He went to investigate.

Upon entering, he found each of his grown sons sitting in chairs, feet propped up on the edge of Benny’s bed. Joe, who was in the middle, held a large bowl of popped corn in his lap. Strewn across the bed and floor were bits of popcorn.

“What in the world are you three doing?” he asked quietly, though his voice held a hint of irritability. “You’re going to wake him up.”

“Oh, Pa…this is great…. Watch this.” Joe launched a kernel, hitting his little brother in the forehead.

“JOE!” Ben hissed quietly.

Benny’s head sprang up. “A – B – C – D – E – F – G!” he yelled out, then dropped his head back on the pillow.

Ben stared at his son, startled by the outburst.

Adam, Hoss and Joe snickered again, covering their mouths with their hands.

Hoss tossed another kernel, hitting the boy in the chin.

Benny’s head came up again, “H – I – J – K – L – M – N – O – P!”

“Hoss!” Before Ben could reprimand him, Adam hurled another bit of corn.

“Q – R – S – T – U – V!”

“Oh, now that’s enough!” Ben grabbed the bowl and shooed the men out of the room.

Still laughing, they left the room, giving each other congratulatory claps to the back.

Ben rolled his eyes at them and turned to check on Benny. He was still quite asleep, despite his alphabetory outbursts. Ben sat down in the rocker next to the bed, nibbling on a few kernels from the bowl now in his lap.

He eyed a kernel in his hand. Glancing up sheepishly at his young son, he tossed the piece. It bounced off Benny’s ear.

“W – X – Y – Z!”

Ben’s eyes widened as he heard the laughter coming from the doorway. He turned to see three faces red from laughter. His face broke into a smile.

“Now you three get!” He tossed a handful of popped corn at the door, scattering them.

Chapter 5 – Aunt Jeanette

At the sound of a buggy pulling into the yard, Ben rose to open the door to the ranch house. Benny sat on the hearth, making no move to join his father at the door. He took this opportunity, while his father’s back was turned, to tug on his uncomfortable necktie. He wore a clean white shirt and his good trousers. His left arm hung in a securely bound sling. After tugging on the tie, he ran his hand behind his neck to pull back on the fabric of the sling. He felt as though, between the two, they were choking him from both sides.

He wasn’t exactly sure why they were all dressed up. Sunday had been only three days prior and already he had to wear the bothersome tie a second time.

“Benny, come here son.”

Benny abandoned his attempt at loosening the tie and went to stand next to his father. Hoss had just halted the carriage and was helping Jeanette out.

“Good morning, Jeanette,” Ben said, his tone neutral.

Benny walked to meet his father on the porch. Ben didn’t move to greet the women, but stood back near the door, one hand resting rather possessively on his young son’s good shoulder.

“Good morning,” she answered happily, “I enjoyed getting acquainted with your son Horse – I mean…” she stopped, trying to remember the pronunciation, “Hoss.”

Hoss grinned and nodded in affirmation.

“And this must be Ben Junior,” Jeanette smiled warmly at the boy.

Benny blushed. He knew that was technically his name, but he felt a bit uncomfortable being called by his father’s version of the name.

“We just call him Benny, ma’am,” Hoss said.

“Well, Benny, what in heaven’s name did you do to your arm?” she asked pointing to the arm cradled safely in the confines of the white fabric.

“Sport knocked me down while I’as holdin’im fer Adam.” He explained quietly. Then decided to hide slightly from the woman behind his father’s legs.

“Sport?” She addressed the question to Ben, hoping he would translate.

“Adam’s horse. He has a bad habit of throwing his head. It happened on Monday, after we met with you. Benny was holding him for Adam and got distracted and Sport jerked him pretty hard. He lost his balance and fell against the corral fence. It dislocated his shoulder a bit, but Doc Martin said it could have been a lot worse,” Ben explained.

The distress in her eyes testified to her naivety about life on a working ranch. For those that lived in this environment, mishaps like that were commonplace. To Jeanette, however, the thought of anyone – especially a child – enduring such an event, was horrifying. Her expression then turned from alarm to sympathy as her maternal instinct prevailed over her shock.

Benny walked over to Hoss and gently tugged on his vest with his free hand, all the while keeping an apprehensive eye on the stranger who seemed to be watching him closely.

“Hoss? You ‘member what you said yesterday – ‘bout how if I’as real good and didn’t cry much when Doc Martin came?” His voice was almost a whisper as he looked up with hopeful eyes.

Hoss smiled and reached into his vest pocket.

“Shore do – an’ you was real brave when he come. Took it like a man I reckon,” Hoss winked as he presented a peppermint stick to the boy. Benny’s face lit up. The mercantile hadn’t had peppermint sticks in months. They were his favorite.

“Now, you’d better wait till after lunch to eat that’er Hop Sing’ll have my hide!” Hoss warned.

Benny nodded and obediently stuffed the candy into the pocket of his trousers.

With that the four went inside and made their way to the sitting area. Jeanette seated herself on the settee, while Ben went to his usual chair. Hoss eased himself into the blue chair opposite his father’s. Normally, he preferred to sit on the hearth or the settee when the family gathered in this room but that seemed a tad too informal at the moment. He didn’t dare sit on the settee either, though there was an empty space next to Jeanette. He had no idea how her large hoop-dress worked, and he wasn’t about to risk finding out now by sitting clumsily next to her. No, he was safest in the blue chair.

Ben held his arm out to Benny, who moved to his father’s side.

“Benny, I’d like to introduce you to Jeanette Blakely. She is your aunt.”

“Pleased to meet’cha,” Benny mumbled shyly.

Ben took a deep breath and continued, “Your Aunt Jeanette is…your mother’s sister.”

Ben had steeled himself for an endless barrage of questions from the boy about his mother. Instead, the child just calmly stood there, waiting for his father to continue.

“She wanted to finally meet you. She’s from New Orleans.”

“Like Joe?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

Benny looked the woman over. She was dressed differently than the other women he knew. She was very pleasant looking, though, the boy reasoned. Even pretty.

“Benny, I’m looking forward to getting acquainted with you.”

Though her voice was soft and inviting, Ben could feel the boy’s body become tense. Benny looked quickly to the ground, shying away from her gaze.

She continued, “Are you in school yet?”

“No ma’am. Ya have ta be six at the start of school to go.” Then he brought his head up slowly, his eyes meeting hers, “But… I can a’ready spell…”

“Why that’s wonderful!” She clapped her hands together, “and what can you spell?”

Benny instantly perked up and a smile came to his face. He loved spelling! He stood up straight, good arm at his side.

“Benjamin. B-E-N-J-A-M-I-N Benjamin. Cartwright. C-A-R-T-W-R-I-H–G…I mean…G-H-T Cartwright.” He recited each letter proudly. “The ‘G’ is what’cha call ‘silent’,” he explained.

Jeanette applauded.

“Well, now I believe your going to go to the head of the class next fall!”

Ben smiled proudly, “Adam works with him every night on letters and numbers… it’s sort of their special time together.”

The rest of the morning went thus. Benny felt more and more relaxed with his aunt. He enjoyed the way she doted over him. She praised him for his knowledge of animals and ranching when he took her to the barn to show her the horses. She made him feel as though he were very grown up – with something important to say.

The morning’s events eventually took their toll on the boy and Benny whispered complaints in his father’s ear about his shoulder hurting. Ben nodded and sent him in to Hop Sing to take some of the medicine Doc Martin had left for him.

After lunch, the group moved to the Great Room. They hadn’t been there more than a few minutes when Ben noticed his youngest son’s head nodding. He nudged Hoss with a wink.

“Them pills put him right to sleep…” Hoss nudged the boy, who slowly opened his heavy eyelids.

“C’mon, why don’t we go put you in yer bed.’

“But I’m not tired…” Benny said, his eyes closing again.

“I can see that,” Hoss answered with a smile, “Let’s go.”

Benny stood, his eyes closing again, and allowed his big brother to steer him in the right direction. After a few faltering steps Hoss bent down and scooped the boy up into one arm and carried him up the stairs and to his bedroom.

“She’s nice…” Benny mumbled.

“Yeah, I reckon she is at that,” Hoss said.

Benny sat on his bed, slumping in exhaustion. Hoss untied the boy’s necktie and put it on the dresser. He then turned his attention to delicately removing Benny’s arm from the sling. After unbuttoning his shirt, he gingerly slipped it off the boy’s back. Hoss frowned as his eye caught the unsightly bruise that had formed around the child’s shoulder. Carefully, he replaced the arm in the sling. Benny winced quietly.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” Hoss said, tossing the shirt onto the rocking chair. “All right, down with ya now.” He helped his little brother lay down, taking care not to jar the offended shoulder.

“I never had no aunt before,” Benny said as Hoss covered him with a blanket.

Hoss had to agree, the woman was very nice, but the whole ordeal surrounding her made him very skeptical. He wasn’t sure what response to give the boy, but it didn’t matter since Benny was already snoring softly. Hoss smiled and gave his brother a kiss on his forehead.

“Sleep tight.”

As Hoss rounded the corner to descend the staircase, he heard two familiar voices in the great room. Adam and Joe had finished their work in the north pasture and had returned home. They were now deep in conversation with their father and their guest.

“Why does she feel she has such a strong case?” Adam was asking.

“Yeah, I can’t figure how a judge would ever rule against Pa,” Joe added.

Jeanette took a deep breath, wondering how to explain what she herself didn’t exactly understand.

“Times are changing,” she offered at last, “Judges don’t automatically rule in favor of paternal custody anymore. They’re beginning to side almost entirely with the mother, especially where young children are concerned. I suppose they figure a child’s place is with his mother. It has something to do with a law that was passed in England several years ago.”

“I read about it,” Adam said, trying to recall the article he’d read a while back. “Seems a lot of judges there have been ruling solely in favor of maternal custody for a while now.”

Hoss frowned. He wasn’t sure what they were talking about and didn’t feel like it was an appropriate time to ask them to fill him in on the bits of the conversation he’d missed. He was trying to piece all of their legal talk together in his mind, with no success. One thing he didn’t miss; whatever it was they were talking about didn’t bode well for any of them – especially for Benny.

Chapter 6 – Getting Ready

“’The warden paid no attention to anything under Joseph’s care, because the Lord was with Joseph and gave him success in whatever he did,’” Ben finished as he closed the Bible, “and with that, it’s bedtime.”

He put Benny down from his lap. He’d been rocking his son as he read.

“Let’s check on that shoulder before you go to bed.” Ben laid the Bible on the dresser and unbuttoned the top few buttons of Benny’s night shirt.

“Pa, do you s’pose Joseph was scared when his brothers sold’im to those men as a slave?” Benny asked. “And then to get put in prison fer’ somethin’ he didn’t even do…”

“Oh, I suppose he was probably terrified,” Ben poked the child’s shoulder a bit to see that the joint was still in its proper place.  He eyed the dark bluish-purple coloring to the skin. Hoss had been right, it was a “dilly of a bruise.” Well, at least nothing had been broken. The bruise would disappear in time and the ache would soon be manageable without a sling.

“That’d be scary to be forced away from yer home like that,” the child continued. “Why d’ya s’pose God let that happen?”

“Well, remember that God used all those bad things to bring about something very good in the end.” Ben finished his exam and righted the boy’s shirt, “But that’s a reading for another night”

“Pa?” Benny said as he laid down.

“Yes, son?”

“Kinda makes a body happy for his home and family, don’t it?”

Ben tucked the covers around the boy’s small frame and planted a kiss on his forehead.

“Yes, son, it sure does. Good night.”

“Loves ya.”

“I love you, too.”

With that, Ben blew out the lamp and left the room.

*****

The weeks that followed were full of visits to Virginia City to see Ed Smith to prepare their case. The whole family was feeling the strain as they attempted to keep up with the running of the ranch and their own chores. Ben had had to apologize a number of times to one or another of his sons who’d had to shoulder his end of the workload while he met with Ed.

When the thirty days had ended, it was Adam and Ben who went to Carson City, while Hoss and Little Joe stayed back with Benny. They had opted not to mention anything to him about it, seeing no need to alarm him until there was something to truly be worried about.

Chapter 7 – The Proceedings Begin

Ben walked the short distance across the courtroom to where his son and lawyer sat, talking quietly. Around him was an ever-growing crowd of people who had come, for all Ben could figure, out of simple nosiness. He ignored their stares and continued walking.

“Hi, Ben,” Ed Smith said looking at his pocketwatch. “We should be getting started shortly.”

Ben nodded and sat down between him and Adam. The crowd began to murmur behind him, and he turned in his chair to see what the commotion was about. His heart fell. It was Genevieve.

She was at the back of the courtroom, speaking to her lawyer. Her dress was a charming shade of pale blue. A faint smile came to his lips. She’d always looked lovely in blue.

Genevieve turned and moved toward the front of the room, her skirt making great sweeping motions in perfect resonance with her movements. As she neared where he sat, their eyes met. Ben’s heart stopped. He couldn’t quite read her expression. Pity? Remorse? Fear? The moment passed and she was soon seated at the table opposite them with her sister and lawyer.

Ben’s eyes fell to the floor. He hadn’t given much thought to how painful it would be to see her again. As the judge entered, Ben set his jaw stubbornly and pushed the thoughts from his mind.

*****

“Mr. Whitaker, do not quote British law to me!” Judge Nelson’s voice echoed in the small courthouse. “May I kindly remind you that we are in America – not England!”

Mr. Whitaker’s mustache twitched a few times as he calculated his next words.

“Of course, Your Honor,” Whitaker said, “but if you’ll allow me to continue, I’ll kindly explain how it pertains.”

“Alright,” the judge sighed in irritation, “but please do get on with it.”

“Thank you. It’s no secret that, for a number of years now, England has been observing a strict rule concerning the custody of children in divorce cases. You will note here,” he placed a document onto the judge’s bench for his perusal, “‘Lord Talfourd’s Act’ of 1839 began to divert custody of children under the age of seven almost entirely to their mothers. As you well know, this has helped to bring about the institution of the ‘Tender Years Doctrine,’ both in Great Britain as well as here in America. I’m simply asking that the tradition of this doctrine be upheld in this case.”

“Mr. Whitaker, need I remind you that ‘tradition of doctrine’ is not law,” the judge removed his spectacles as he spoke, “And I will ask you to please remember that I will award custody to whichever parent I deem most fit to properly raise the boy – regardless of where ‘tradition’ may lean.”

Judge Nelson stacked the documents and laid them aside. Folding his hands and leaning into his bench, he continued. “Is there anything else, Mr. Whitaker?”

“No sir, not at this time.” Whitaker turned to go sit down, a smug grin playing across his lips.

“Mr. Smith? Are you ready?” The judge addressed Ed.

Ed nodded and stood to approach the floor, a few papers in his hand.

“Your Honor, I would like to begin by stating a number of facts that cannot simply be dismissed in a case such as this.” Ed shifted his weight to one leg and put his free hand into the pocket of his trousers. “Eight years ago, my client married Genevieve Marceau. One year later, she left him – offering very little in the way of an explanation to her husband or his family. Approximately fourteen months after that, she sent her six-month old son – by mail, mind you – back to Mr. Cartwright, along with a short letter. Four months later, she petitioned for a divorce and six months after that, my client finally conceded.”

“I’m aware of the facts Mr. Smith,” the judge remarked flatly.

Ed did not respond to the judge’s comment, but simply continued. “I say all of that to ask one question: Are these the actions of a mother who is acting in the best interest of her child? No! These, in fact, are the actions of a mother who has not heeded the very principles under which the Tender Years Doctrine was born.” Ed was pacing the floor in front of the judge, waving the papers he held in the air as he spoke, “She has intentionally severed all ties with this child during his most formative years.”

Ed stopped his pacing and looked squarely at Mr. Whitaker, though still addressing the judge.

“And I would like to remind the court of an 1842 case,” he approached the bench, laying a stack of documents in front of the judge, “in which custody was awarded to the mother, in light of this Tender Years Doctrine, but was reverted back to the father a mere two years later.”

The judge scanned the document before him, nodding his recollection of the very controversial case. At length, he laid the papers down and, with a heavy sigh, called for a short recess.

The day dragged on and on. Ben had found himself becoming increasingly irritated at the proceedings. Ed had produced enough documentation to warrant an open and shut case. By the time he was called up for questioning, Ben’s temper was threatening to boil over.

“Mr. Cartwright, you reside on a little ranch outside of Virginia City, is that right?” Whitaker’s face held, what Ben reasoned to be, the most unconvincing smile he’d ever seen.

There were several snickers heard around the room and the judge tapped his gavel a few times to restore order.

“Yes, I live on a ranch – the Ponderosa,” Ben affirmed, ignoring the “little ranch” comment. “And it is quite outside the town lines of Virginia City.”

“That must take a lot of work to run a ranch. Especially while trying to raise a young child.”

“Yes, it is a lot of work. But it’s nothing I haven’t done before. Don’t forget I have raised three other sons – on our ranch.”

Whitaker nodded and began a slow pacing of the floor in front of Ben.

“Yes of course… So, with all of the work that needs to be done, I would imagine everyone would have to do their fair share of the work. Is that correct, Mr. Cartwright?”

Ben frowned, unsure of where this was leading.

“Well, yes, we all work very hard. We take pride in our land and do what is necessary to make it prosper.”

“Even Benny?”

“Well, he doesn’t exactly go driving cattle to market or anything, but yes, he has chores that are his responsibility.”

Whitaker nodded and gave him another “innocent smile” that made Ben want to throw him into the nearest water trough.

“You love your son dearly, don’t you Mr. Cartwright?”

Ben rolled his eyes. “Would I be here otherwise?!”

Whitaker smiled again, seemingly unbothered by Ben’s near-outburst.

“Of course you do…. But, um, could you tell me briefly what happened about a year ago?”

Ben thought for a moment and finally shrugged, unable to cipher what the man was referring to.

“I’m sorry, let me refresh your memory: You had just assigned Benny – who had only just turned five at the time – the chore of toting water in from the well for your house cook….”

Ben scowled. Now he knew where this was going. He lowered his eyebrows evenly, giving Whitaker a hard glare.

“He hadn’t been doing that chore for very long, when…. Would you like to explain what happened, or should I?”

Ben’s jaw muscles rippled with tension, as he continued to stared at the man.

“That was a freak accident, Mr. Whitaker,” Ben said slowly, attempting to keep a tight rein on his emotions.

There was a silence that filled the air that seemed to last for an eternity. Both men remained silent, each daring the other to continue.

“Mr. Cartwright,” Judge Nelson leaned over his bench towards Ben as he spoke, “please answer the question.”

Ben sighed in defeat.

“Benny was pulling a bucket of water from the well, when a portion of the wall gave way… he fell in…. several neighbors came to help, but it still took nearly a day and a half to dig him out…”

Whitaker’s head nodded again. Ben was getting about tired of seeing the man repeat the gesture every time he answered a question.

“Your Honor,” Ben said at last, turning to the judge, “I fail to see what any of this has to do with…”

“Mr. Cartwright!” Whitaker exclaimed, cutting him off, “If you cannot see the dangers posed to a small child by life on a ranch, then perhaps you are not as protective and loving a father as you presume yourself to be!”

“I’ll have you know…” Ben’s voice boomed in the small room as he pointed a sturdy finger in the man’s face.

He was interrupted by the judge’s gavel. “Mr. Cartwright, no emotional outbursts will be tolerated.”

Ben pursed his lips, anger still evident in his face. He nodded and sat back in his chair. Whitaker continued.

“It is of little wonder any of your sons survived to adulthood with the constant danger that you inflict upon them. Why didn’t young Benny suffer a dislocated shoulder only one month ago, while tending to a horse for his brother? Why on earth was a child allowed in the presence of such a beast?!”

Ben’s eyes darted to Jeanette. He could tell by the tears in her eyes, that she’d not been aware the information about Benny’s injury would be used in court. Ben turned his attention back to the lawyer, who was now addressing the judge.

“Your Honor, I am not suggesting to you that Mrs. Richardson has not obviously made some mistakes, but my very conscience will not allow me to stand aimlessly by and watch a man abuse his own child.”

“Abuse?” Ben rose to his feet, towering over the lawyer.

“Yes, ‘abuse’ Mr. Cartwright! Intentionally placing your child in harms way is no less atrocious than if you’d caused him harm by your own hand!”

“Mr. Whitaker, let me just tell you something….” Ben spoke deliberately, each words fairly dripping with venom.

The judge’s gavel fell several times, drowning out the sound of Ben’s voice.

“Mr. Cartwright, you have already been warned! Another outburst and you’ll forfeit your case!”

Ben huffed, eyeing Whitaker with a threatening gaze.

“No further questions, Your Honor.”

Chapter 8 – Like Sand Through His Fingers

The courthouse was warm and stuffy. Ben ran a hand over the weathered features of his face. He was exhausted. The proceedings had taken two full days and the judge would soon be announcing his decision. He looked at his pocket watch. It was time.

Everyone stood as the judge entered the court. Ben felt a pang of fear with each quickening heartbeat.

“After hearing testimony from each side and carefully weighing it with what’s best for the child…” The judge was speaking slowly, and Ben found himself becoming increasingly agitated and impatient.

“…I hereby award custody to Mrs. Richardson, effective Monday morning at ten o’clock in the morning. For a period of adjustment, I’m ordering six months with no contact on the paternal side.” His gavel slammed twice. Ben thought it may as well have been the sound of his world falling in around him.

Ben sat down and put his head in his hands. What had just happened? Surely it wasn’t over already… The courtroom was clearing, and the murmur of people slowly faded to silence. Silence. Ben could hear his own breathing and it seemed to be very loud. He felt weary and old.

Surely the judge would walk back in and claim he’d made a mistake. Ben waited. Nothing. Just silence.

“Pa,” Adam’s voice startled him. “We need to go home now…and tell Benny.”

Of course. Adam was right. Good old Adam. Always levelheaded in times like this. What would he do without Adam? What would he do without any of his sons? What would he do without Benny?

Suddenly, Ben heard what he recognized to be Mr. Whitaker’s voice. The sun shone bright, making him squint. They were outside, although Ben couldn’t seem to recall the steps they’d taken to leave the courthouse.

“…I’ll pick the child up in Virginia City. We’ll meet up with Mrs. Richardson back here in Carson City. I’ll expect him to be in my charge promptly at ten o’clock. Good day.”

Ben nodded dumbly then felt Adam nudge his arm, prodding him forward to the hotel.

Ed cleared his throat nervously. It wasn’t until this point that Ben was even aware of his lawyer’s presence. Ben looked at him now, studied his face. Guilt. Helplessness. He knew he should give words to comfort Ed. Let him know that there was no blame. But right now, Ben simply couldn’t speak.

“Thanks Ed, for everything,” Adam was shaking Ed’s hand.

Good old reliable Adam, Ben thought once more.

“I wish I could have done something more…to make things turn out…. differently…” he stopped, at a loss for appropriate words. “I’m sorry.”

Adam gave a forced smile. “Ed, you did your best. That’s all we could ask. If you’ll excuse us,” Ben felt Adam cast a concerned glance in his direction, “I think it’s time we went home.”

Ed watched the men as they crossed the dusty street to the hotel. He was still standing in front of the courthouse when Mr. Whitaker came up to him again.

“You see to it that they have the child ready at ten o’clock sharp. I don’t wish to be delayed.”

Ed removed his spectacles slowly and turned around toward Mr. Whitaker. He leaned toward him, allowing his much taller stature to tower over the weasel of a man. Their faces were closer than Mr. Whitaker felt comfortable with.

“Shut up!” Ed shouted. He looked back toward the hotel just as Adam and Ben disappeared through the door then shot one more disgusted look at Mr. Whitaker. Ed spun on his heel and walked away.

*****

It was late Friday evening when Ben and Adam rode into the yard of the ranch house. Neither had uttered more than a few words since the verdict had been announced earlier that day. The ride home had been a long and silent one as each used the time to sort out in his own mind what had just happened.

“I’ll put your horse up Pa,” Adam offered quietly as they dismounted. Ben nodded, handing over the reins.

Ben walked into the house and wearily threw his hat and gun belt onto the credenza. He turned around, surveying the great room in the soft lamp light which came from the desk of his study. Hoss and Joe were standing to greet him. He could tell from the looks on their faces that they had fallen asleep as they waited for him and Adam to return.

Ben walked into the sitting area, wondering just how to tell them he’d failed; that he’d been unsuccessful in keeping their family together. As he rounded the settee, he noticed the small body on its cushions, snoring softly. Ben wheeled around with a questioning glance to his other two sons.

“Sorry Pa,” Little Joe said shrugging, “We told him you’d be home late but…he wanted to wait up for you.”

Ben turned back around, kneeling in front of the child. As he did, he rested a hand gently on Benny’s back – something he’d done with all of his boys when they were little as he watched them sleep. He’d always assumed he did it to reassure himself they were still breathing; that they hadn’t left him. Benny stirred slightly, squinting his eyes open to reveal a thin sliver of bright blue.

“Pa, yer’ home,” he said sleepily. His eyes closed again in protest against the dim light.

Benny sat up to put his arms around his father’s neck. Ben felt his throat constrict as he gathered the boy in his arms.

Hoss and Joe stood as statues by the fireplace, each wanting desperately to ask how the judge had ruled. As they watched their father slowly ascend the stairs clutching their little brother tightly, they cast each other a worried glance. They knew. His demeanor had spoken louder than any words he could have said. They were still staring up the staircase when the front door opened again.

Adam let out a long sigh as he laid his things on the credenza next to his father’s. He turned, startled to see his brothers standing in the shadows.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize anyone was still awake.”

“Yeah…” Joe managed, his voice cracking.

Hoss stood across from him with his hands in his pockets, looking down at the area rug beneath him. He brushed its decorative patterns with his toe, not wanting to look straight at his older brother. Not wanting to hear what he knew was going to be said.

“We lost…” Joe finally said, unwilling to wait any longer for Adam to say the inevitable.

Adam nodded, “We have till Monday morning.”

Adam and Joe started at the sound of Hoss shoving the coffee table with his foot. Hoss had that look on his face that he always got when someone was pointlessly hurting another living thing. His jaw jutted out and eyebrows lowered evenly over his eyes.

Adam ran a hand over his stubbly cheeks and chin. Finally, he sat. His brothers followed suit. They looked at him intensely, ready to listen.

“On Monday at ten, we’re to put Benny on the stage. He’ll meet Genevieve and Jeanette in Carson City. Then they’ll take the train together back to New Orleans,” Adam stopped. Silence lingered for a moment and then Adam slowly finished, “We can’t have any contact wit him for six months. Period of adjustment or something…”

Adam had hoped his heart would feel some relief by saying the words aloud. It didn’t. He wasn’t sure exactly what emotion he was feeling. Anger? Despair? Helplessness? All he knew was that it felt like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He could only imagine how much worse it was for their father.

Adam was the last to retire for the evening, opting to be left alone with his thoughts as he stared into the fireplace. The evenings still held a chill, though the days were growing warm. He shivered as he climbed the stairs to his bedroom.

As he headed toward his room, he could hear a soft creaking sound. It was slow, but steady.  He followed the sound to Benny’s room and peered in. Ben was holding the sleeping child, rocking back and forth slowly. Adam thought his father might be half asleep until he heard him softly murmuring. He strained to hear the almost inaudible speech. Through the creaking of the rocker, he made out a few words.

“…protect my sleeping babe…”

He was praying.

Adam sighed wearily. How many times had his father stayed wake from dusk till dawn praying over one or the other of his children? Too many to count, probably. He knew his father to be a pious man, one who could truly ‘pray without ceasing.’But it was times like this, when Adam could tell that his father was at his wits end, offering one final pleading petition to the Almighty.

Chapter 9 – Final Days As A Family

Ben opened his eyes to find fresh morning sunlight flooding the bedroom. He felt a weight pressing into his chest. He looked down to find Benny sleeping soundly. They were still sitting in the rocking chair.

Ben’s knees ached in protest as he stood up to carefully deposit his son on the bed. He leaned over and kissed the boy’s head, breathing in his scent. Pausing momentarily, he smiled. He loved that smell. It was the smell of a child who ran barefooted along the creek banks, chasing frogs and butterflies and catching crawfish. It was the smell of a boy who’d climbed more trees than could be counted and who’d brought healing to a wounded old man. To Ben, it was the smell of life.

*****

Ben could hear the clatter of utensils against fine china plates as he approached the dining room. His grown sons looked up at him upon his entrance, obviously unsure of what to say. All three squirmed uncomfortably. It was as though someone had died, and the entire house was quiet in mourning.

Ben walked to his normal seat at the table and sat down, feeling very heavy. He looked around at the forlorn faces that didn’t dare make eye contact.

“Well somebody say something…” Ben said quietly.

“Pa, what are we gonna’ do?” Joe asked, voicing finally what Ben was sure the other two were secretly wondering.

At Joe’s question, Ben saw Hoss’s head come up in a hopeful manner, and Ben knew what he was thinking. There had hardly been a time when the Cartwrights had gotten into a situation they couldn’t charm, talk, think, or at the very least  fight their way out of. The look in his large son’s eyes held every confidence that he would come up with some sort of plan to right the situation.

“Nothing,” was the only word Ben said.

His sons stared at him in surprise.

“Nothin’?” Hoss asked in disbelief.

“That’s right.” Ben’s speech was slow and calm. He stared at his coffee as he spoke.

“Pa, we have to do something. We can’t just give up,” Joe said flatly, making Ben wonder if he detected a hint of resentment in the young man’s voice.

“Joseph, I said we will do nothing.”

Ben looked at the three faces before him, understanding the hurt and anger that they were experiencing.

“There is nothing we can do. At least not for another six months. If we so much as take one step out of line with the judge’s orders, we risk never getting him back. I don’t like it any better than any of you, but that’s the way it is. We will get through this.”

Ben moved the food on his plate around aimlessly with his fork. No one at the table had eaten much of anything.

“What we need to do is make the most of the next two days. I…don’t plan to tell him until Sunday night…I want his last memories with us to be happy ones, not filled with anger and fright. Adam, as soon as you finish your breakfast, I’d like you to talk to the hands – see if they can manage things around here for a few days. I want us all to spend today and tomorrow together, as a family.”

*****

“Joe, are we really goin’ campin’?” Benny asked excitedly as he watched his brother load the buckboard with supplies.

“Sure, we are!” Joe answered, ruffling the boy’s hair.

“We don’t never go campin’ just to go… it’s always when we’re on our way somewhere or gotta do other stuff or something.”

Joe smiled and crouched down to the boy’s level.

“Well, we got stuff to do this time too.” Joe gave his brother a teasing smile.

Benny looked at his Joe skeptically.

“Really? Like what?”

“Like we gotta throw you into Lake Tahoe!” Joe snatched the boy up and threw him over his shoulder, giving his backside a few playful swats. “Now let’s go find your bedroll so we can get going!”

*****

“Dinner’s almost ready boys…” Ben said as he leaned over the campfire to stir the pot of beans.

His sons watched dejectedly, as Ben ladled out a large helping of beans onto four plates.

Hoss leaned nonchalantly over to Adam, “I thought you were gonna tell him you’d do the cookin this trip…”

Adam shrugged helplessly, “I tried…he said he wouldn’t hear of it…”

Hoss sighed, turning up his nose in protest at the foul smell of the beans.

“Here you are boys.”

Four hands reluctantly reached out to take a plate of beans.

“Well, eat hardy – I’ll go to the wagon and get some more. You’ll likely want more than what’s in that pot.”

With that, he turned to leave.

“Hey, Benny, what are you doing?” Adam asked, when he caught sight of the child crouched down on the ground.

Benny sprang up, looking at his brothers in guilty surprise. “Oh, I was just… uh…”

“Hey… where’s your beans?”  Joe asked, accusation in his tone.

“I uh….gave’em to… Chief.”

Three heads leaned over to see the Bassett hound happily eating Benny’s plate of beans. Without so much as a second thought, three more plates were thrown in front of the dog. Chief finished the last of the beans just in time for Ben to return and find four empty plates and four smiling faces.

“Well, see now, your old Pa can cook after all….” Ben said then shoveled more beans onto their plates.

Chapter 10 – Definition of a Happy Ending

Ben could feel his eyelids becoming heavy as he stared into the campfire. Adam’s guitar was softly lulling him to sleep. Somewhere beyond the music, the first of the summer crickets chirped and a she-wolf howled at the moon. The air was cool but, with his coat wrapped firmly about him, Ben felt contentedly warm. He’d barely nodded off when he felt a tug at his sleeve.

“Pa?”

“Hm?” He pulled his eyes open.

Benny was standing before him, silhouetted against the firelight.

“Will you read the story again?”

Ben sat up, blinking away his sleepiness.

“Alright,” he smiled, taking the Bible Benny was presenting to him. “Now let’s see here…” Ben said, his voice still holding a hint of sleepiness. He fanned through the pages of the sacred book. “What story shall we read…”

“Pa,” Benny crossed his arms as he addressed his father, “You know which one!”

Ben gave the boy a wink. “Alright… Joseph it is.”

A soft chuckle escaped, as he watched his small son hurry across the campsite to settle himself against a fallen log with his brothers. Ben looked from face to face. Even in the shadows of the evening, they were a beautiful sight to him. Ben lost himself in the scene momentarily, as he watched his sons. Adam laid his guitar aside and pulled Benny onto his cross-legged lap. Benny settled himself back against his oldest brother’s chest, cocooning himself into the warmth of Adam’s open jacket. Next to them, Hoss was pulling a handful of jerky out of a nearby saddlebag. Leaning over, he offered some to Joe. Hoss made a comment, lost to Ben’s ears, that made the other three laugh quietly. Ben’s smile deepened as he looked across the campfire at his whole world.

“Pa?”

“Hm? Oh…” Ben shook the thoughts from his head. Turning his attention back to the Bible in his hands, he quickly fluttered through the pages to the end of Genesis.

Clearing his throat, he began to read. “‘Joseph, a young man of seventeen, was tending the flocks with his brothers…and he brought back to his father a bad report about them…”

“No, Pa,” Benny interrupted, “Not there – start at the beginning, where Joseph gets his name.”

Ben pursed his lips and raised a rather bushy eyebrow at the boy, then flipped backwards a few pages.

“Uh…. let’s see… oh here – ‘And Rachel gave birth to a son and said, ‘God has taken away my disgrace.’ She named him Joseph, saying, ‘May the Lord add to me another.’”

“Okay, now read about his coat of many colors.” Benny spoke up again.

“Now…just who’s telling this story – you or me?” Ben asked teasingly and turned a few more pages.

“‘Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made a richly ornamented robe for him…” Ben looked up between verses at his son, who was listening intently. It never ceased to amaze him how the boy could listen to the same story night after night and never get tired of it. A mischievous grin spread across his face as he continued. “…and they all lived happily ever after. The End.”

Ben could hardly contain himself when the boy bounded out of Adam’s lap in protest.

“Pa! That ain’t how it goes! You forgot Joseph’s dream, and his brothers selling him to slavery, and him goin’ to prison and telling the Pharaoh…”

“Well, now Benny,” Hoss interjected with a grin, “Pa wasn’t too far off. After all that bad stuff happened, Joseph and his family really did wind up living ‘happily ever after,’ right?”

Benny wheeled around, looking incredulously at his brother.

“But Hoss, ya’ can’t have a happy endin’ if there weren’t nothin’ ever wrong! – ‘Member? Joseph goes through all’a that bad stuff and then tells his brothers that God used all’a the bad things they done to’im to make good things happen. At the end, all’a that bad stuff helped save everyone from the fa- fa-…”

“Famine,” Adam offered, biting off a bit of jerky.

“Yeah, that,” Benny said quickly, then continued, “Ya can’t leave out the bad stuff, or the end don’t make no sense!”

Ben smiled and threw his hands up in mock resignation. “Okay, then. We’ll read it the right way…”

Benny sat himself down next to his father, and Ben nearly laughed out loud. It seemed Benny was going to make sure that the story was read correctly.

Ben read, stopping every now and again to his son’s command of, “wait…read that part again.”  Ben would nod and patiently reread the passage, slowing down for the parts he knew Benny liked to recite with him. It was late in the evening when the story finally came to a close.

“‘Then Joseph said to his brothers…’do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you… So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God…’”

Ben cast a quick glance toward his youngest. Benny was fast asleep, his head resting on Ben’s lap.

“…And I think,” he said, giving the men across from him a wink, “we can end it there.”

Chapter 11 – Trying To Explain

All too soon, it seemed, Sunday afternoon had arrived, and it was time to head back to the house. The camping trip had been a bittersweet one for the men, in light of the lingering knowledge of what was to come. In spite of their sorrow, they had hope in the fact that Benny would take with him the memory of a family who loved him dearly.

Sunday night’s dinner felt like a slow form of torture as each man contemplated how Benny might react to the news. They tried, for Benny’s sake, to keep the conversation as lighthearted as possible. When the meal was finished, the five retired to the great room as they always did.

Benny sat on the hearth, a wooden toy soldier in each hand. The fire crackled behind him and the stones beneath him warmed his backside. He raised a soldier to inspect its detail more closely.  Joe had sure done a good job on them. Benny smiled with pride. Tomorrow he’d take them to show Jimmy Roberts. That Jimmy always thought he had the best toys, just because his father was the blacksmith. Well, he resolved, we’ll see what Jimmy thinks about these!

“Benny…”

“Yeah, Pa? – I mean, yessir?” Benny replied, still contemplating his new toys and what Jimmy’s reaction to them might be.

“Come over here please.”

Benny looked up curiously at his father, wondering if he was in trouble. Laying his toys down, he stood and slowly made his way over to the familiar chair his father was occupying.

“Yessir?”

Benny watched his father closely. Something was wrong. Benny’s palms began to sweat. Pa had that look on his face that he always got right before they would take a “trip to the barn.” Benny could feel his brothers behind him, staring.

“Benny, I need to talk to you about something.”

“Okay Pa,” Benny felt a lump in his throat, as though he might cry. He hadn’t meant to do anything bad – he couldn’t even think of what he might be in trouble for. He hoped his father wouldn’t think he had intentionally done anything wrong.

“Your mother…she…she’s…”

Benny gave a relieved exhale. It appeared he wasn’t in trouble after all.

“Dead. I know,” Benny said matter-of-factly.

“What?”

“I know that she’s dead,” his face was serious, but not emotional at all.

“Where did you hear that?” His father seemed shocked at his knowledge of the situation.

“Well, ain’t all’a our mother’s dead?” He asked, looking around the room at his brothers. His gaze held theirs momentarily as he noted their looks of deep concern.

“No…no, Benny, your mother is still alive.” His father’s face seemed to blush slightly.

“Well, then why ain’t she here?”

There was silence for a moment, a very uncomfortable silence. Benny looked around the room again at his family. He felt his father’s large hands lifting him up to his lap.

“Well…she left some time ago…we’re not…”  he sighed in apparent frustration. “…we’re not married anymore.”

Benny’s eyes were fixed on his father’s face. He didn’t say anything, just waited for Ben to continue.

“When we…divorced…your mother moved back to New Orleans and sent you back here to live with us.”

Benny had no idea what “divorce” meant but he didn’t say so.

“Benny, your mother…wants you to come live with her now…That’s why Adam and I were in Carson City last week.”

Benny thought for a moment, contemplating this mysterious new mother, then replied, “Nah… I’ll just stay here.”

“Well, Benny that’s just it, when we went to Carson City we had to talk with the judge and he decided that you should go live with her, instead of here…with us.”

Benny could feel everyone’s eye upon him. Slowly, realization began to dawn.

“Why does he have anything ta’ say ‘bout it? What does he know ‘bout anything?” Benny had lost the typical sweet innocence in his voice and his words held an edge that warned of an approaching display of emotion.

“Well, son, he’s a judge. We have to do what he says…that’s just the way it is.”

Benny slid from his father’s lap. His small booted feet landed with an echo on the wooden floor.

“I don’t care who he is! He can’t make me leave! I don’t wanna’ go. You can’t make me either!”

Benny’s words shocked even himself as much as they appeared to shock his father. He braced himself, knowing a trip to the barn would now indeed be in order.

“Benjamin!”  His father had hardly gotten the word out when his face relaxed and he began again, more calmly. “Benny, I understand how you feel. I can’t bear the thought of you leaving me, but that’s just the way it has to be.”

Benny looked squarely into his father’s face and spoke in open defiance.

“Why didn’t you do somethin’? You could have told’im not to send me away!” Benny’s eyes burned with unshed tears.

“Benny,” Hoss stood up, a powerful presence looming over the boy, “Don’t you talk like that – It ain’t like Pa didn’t try.”

Benny stared at Hoss, feeling completely betrayed by his brother’s defense of their father. Then, setting his jaw stubbornly, he gave the coffee table a swift kick and ran to the front door.

“Benny!” Hoss’s voice froze the child in his tracks. He didn’t dare turn around.

Somewhere behind him he could hear a soft creaking of leather and knew his father had stood up.

“Benny… Please believe me. I tried.”

Benny closed his eyes at his father’s words as warm tears streamed down his cheeks.

“You didn’t try hard enough,” he muttered quietly, and left.

Chapter 12 – It’s Like Joseph

The great room was deafeningly quiet as they waited. None of the men were exactly sure what they were waiting for, but still they waited.

At last Joe stood and turned to go to the door, but Ben stayed him with a raise of his hand.

“Give him a few minutes. He won’t go far.” Ben knew his small son well enough to know he was terrified of the dark and would probably choose to go to the barn where he could still see the light of the house.

Joe looked at his father skeptically then resigned himself to wait some more.  Hoss cast a despondent glance in Adam’s direction, as though to ask if there was anything any of them could do. Adam shook his head sadly. Several more minutes passed as they all continued to silently wait.

Finally, Ben stood with a weary sigh. He walked solemnly to the door, grabbed his coat off the peg and left.

The three continued to stare at the door for a few moments after he’d gone. At last, Joe stood up and walked to the staircase.

“Where are you going?” Adam asked.

“Whether Benny wants to leave or not, he has to,” Joe said evenly, “I’d rather not put Pa through the torture of having to pack his things.”

*****

“…Benny, please try to understand…I did everything I could…if I go against that judge now, he may take you away from me forever. You don’t want that, do you?” Benny was laying face down in a pile of hay, crying into his shirtsleeve. Ben was rubbing his back in an effort to calm him.

“No…” Benny’s answer was muffled.

“Alright… come here now,” he pulled his son close. Benny buried his face in his father’s chest. His body shook with each sob.

“There, there…it won’t be so bad,” he began to rock the child back and forth. “You know… your mother is very pretty. You have her blue eyes. I think you’ll really like her.” Whatever Ben’s opinion of his ex-wife, he did not want to spoil the boy’s naturally kind heart and make him hate her before they ever met.

“But it won’t be the same. I won’t have you, an’ Adam an’ Joe an’ Hoss…”

“Ah, but you know what?” Ben turned the boy around so he could see his face. “Do you see that?” He pointed out the barn window to a brilliant display of stars against a black sky “Whenever you are lonely, you can look up at those stars and know they’re also shining down here on the Ponderosa and that’s where I’ll be. Thinking of you.”

Benny watched the star-speckled sky as he leaned his head against his father’s chest. His sobs had given way to little whimpers, but warm tears continued to stream silently down his cheeks.

Several minutes passed in silence. Ben became absorbed in his own thoughts as he continued to rock back and forth. Looking around the barn, dimly lit by the light of a full moon, his mind went back to a month prior when life was as it should be. He’d sat right over there and watched his sons give in to their more playful sides. That had been before everything went wrong.

Benny’s voice startled him out of his thoughts.

“It’s like Joseph…” Benny said in the darkness. “…like in the story…takin’ Joseph away from his home…to Egypt.”

Ben didn’t respond, but just looked at his son. Moonlight glimmered off Benny’s wet cheeks. His eyes were still gazing out the barn window to the vast starry sky.

“Guess now I know how he felt,” Benny paused a moment then went on, “Will God be with me too? He was with Joseph, that’s what the Bible says…”

“Of course he’ll be with you…and keep you safe.” Ben’s heart filled with pride, though he felt a bit ashamed. As the father, it was his duty to point his children to God in times of crisis, not the other way around.

“I’d settle to stay plain old Benjamin – at least he got to stay at home with his family!” The two chuckled softly.

“Now wait a minute, you’re Benjamin Joseph – I wonder what kind of spin that puts on the story!” Ben looked down playfully at his son as he spoke. They giggled once more.

“But one thing I believe, Benny,” he turned his son to face him, “Just like you said last night – about the story of Joseph – the happy ending doesn’t make sense without the bad things. There is purpose in this, even if we don’t know what it is yet.”

Benny nodded and Ben pulled him close again. The two sat there for a long while, both finding comfort in each other’s presence. Finally, Ben felt the soft vibration of Benny snoring.

Chapter 13 – “Precious Mem’ries, How They Linger”

It was nearly ten o’clock when Ben carried his son from the barn back to the house. Inside, Hoss and Joe were trying to concentrate on a game of checkers to pass the time, while Adam sat in his blue chair writing in his journal. They all looked up upon their father’s entrance, relieved to see that he’d had been able to calm their brother.

Ben crossed the room, holding a sleeping Benny as dead weight in his arms. He rounded the settee and shifted the boy to one arm then the other so he could remove his coat. He sat, laying his son on the cushions next to him and draped the garment over the small body. He ran a weathered hand over the boy’s hair, smoothing it and brushing some wayward locks out of his face. Benny stirred at the touch, adjusting his position slightly so his head could rest on his father’s lap, then fell back asleep.

“He still clenches them fists when he sleeps – like he done when he was just a lil’ fella, don’t he?” Hoss said, watching his brother. Benny lay on his side, a tightly balled fist protruding from underneath the corduroy coat that covered him.

“Well, what else can he do?” Joe said softly, casting a teasing glance in his older brother’s direction. “Adam never would let him suck his thumb.”

Adam looked up coolly from his journal, “Yes, and look at those teeth. Perfectly straight.”

The tension in the room seemed to ease as serious faces gave way to smiles, weak though they were.

Hoss continued staring at his brother. “He was such a little thing when he come here…I thought fer shore’ one of us’d break’im.”

Ben’s smile deepened as he raised a playful eyebrow. “If I remember correctly, you would stay awake all night watching him – just to make sure he was still breathing.”

“Yah, well, that only lasted a week, then Hoss started missing his beauty sleep.” Joe leaned over the checkerboard to give Hoss’s shoulder a teasing nudge. “Guess you finally figured that baby would keep breathing whether you were there to watch him or not.”

Hoss grinned bashfully. It was true. He remembered wondering how anyone could leave a little thing like that in a cradle all by himself and expect him to still be there in the morning. He guessed he was afraid the baby would simply vanish into thin air, but if he kept Benny in his sights all the time, then no harm could possibly come to him.

“Yah, I guess I didn’t know much ‘bout babies, did I?” Hoss conceded.

“Well, you certainly knew more than him.” Adam pointed a finger at Joe.

“Do you remember what happened the night Tom and Annie brought him to us?”

Hoss let out a sudden burst of laughter then quickly tried to muffle the sounds in his hands so as not to wake Benny.

“Pa? I couldn’t find Little Joe’s old cradle anywhere in the barn,” Adam said as he closed the door against the icy wind.

“I told you, it’s in an old crate up in the loft,” Ben was bouncing as he walked in vain effort to calm the wailing baby.

“I know, but it’s not there.”

Ben’s face fell into an annoyed frown. The baby had to sleep somewhere tonight – if they managed to get him to sleep at all. It was very difficult to concentrate on anything with the shock of the newest Cartwright addition still fresh in their minds. And the crying! Ben honestly couldn’t remember his other boys crying this loudly.

“He shore do have a powerful set ‘o lungs on’im don’t he?” Hoss scratched his head. He had a sneaking suspicion that none of them would ever sleep again.

“Oh, I remember where it is,” Ben piped up again, “I may need you and Hoss to help me move some crates though. I think we moved it to the storeroom, remember?”

“Oh yeah…” Adam nodded in vague recollection.

“Here Joe, you hold…uh…him…” he didn’t know what to call the child, as he still had no name.“What? I don’t know how ta’ hold no baby!” Joe’s eyes pleaded with Ben not to make him take the child.

“He won’t bite, Joe. Just put his head there in the crook of your arm and put your other hand under him like that.” Ben shuffled the bundle into Joe’s arms. “See, it’s not so hard.”

With that the three men headed for the door. Suddenly, their ears met with a sound they’d not heard for about three hours: silence. They stopped mid stride, then slowly turned in unison.

Joe felt their stares and shrugged as he glanced from face to face, “What?”

Adam’s mouth was open as he pointed to the baby. “It…it… it stopped crying…”

Joe looked down at the baby. “Hmm…what d’ya know?  He did, didn’t he?” Joe straightened his back, pushing out a rather concave adolescent chest and strutted confidently over to his father and brothers. “Well, ya’ know, it just takes the right kinda’ person!”

Ben gave Joe an annoyed glance before turning once again to leave.

“Uh-oh…Pa? I think there’s a problem…” Joe’s confidence had suddenly diminished and his face took on a rather pale glow.The three men rushed over to inspect the child. He seemed fine. He was cooing quietly as he sucked on a fist. They looked at Joe questioningly. Joe raised the baby a bit to reveal a large wet spot on his shirtfront.

“He leaks.”

“Little brother, I can still see the look on yer face!” Hoss howled.

Joe frowned, “Well how was I supposed to know anything about babies?”

A moment later, Joe’s frown gave way t a mischievous grin.

“Ya’ know what I remember, Hoss? Benny’s first word… Now Hoss, why don’t you refresh everyone else’s memory. What was his first word?”

“Dad’burn you Joe!”

“Why, yes – I do believe that was it!” Joe ducked to evade the checker piece that Hoss sent flying in his direction.

“What are you talking about?” Ben asked, raising an eyebrow, “Benny learned his first word from Annie O’Toole, remember? She’d been watching him for us during the spring round up. When we came back, she was ranting about that fool, Mr. Spain again. Before long we heard this tiny voice repeat…”

The whole family resounded in one accord, “Sniba’blot.”

They laughed at the memory. Then Joe spoke up again, not wanting to let Hoss off the hook that easily.

“Yeah, well that’s the first word you heard him say, Pa. Benny actually learned another word before that…”

Hoss, what’cha doin’ there?” Joe asked curiously as he came into the house.

Hoss nearly jumped at the sound of Joe’s voice. He was crouched down holding Benny with one hand and covering the toddler’s mouth with the other. He didn’t dare turn around to look at Joe.

“Uh…nuthin’…” Hoss’ eyes were wide with guilt, though he tried to sound as casual as possible.

“Come on, what’re you doin’ there?”

Hoss rolled his eyes in defeat and turned, keeping his one hand firmly on Benny’s mouth. Joe frowned, still not understanding.

“Joe, he won’t stop sayin’ it!” Hoss said in a panic.

“Stop saying what?” Joe asked, “What are you talkin’ about?”

Hoss sighed and removed his hand from Benny’s mouth. A few moments later an innocent voice came through in perfect clarity.

“Dad’buwn it.”

An astonished Joe pointed at the child, “W-w-what’d he just say?”

“Dad’buwn it,” the voice said again.

“H-h-hoss…you can’t let Pa hear that! He’ll skin you alive!”

“I know…Why couldn’t he just say somethin’ normal, like ‘da-da’?” Hoss lamented, “Oh, Dad’burnit!”

“Dad’buwn it.”

“Hoss, what’d you teach him that for anyway?” Joe asked in frustration, now feeling as an accomplice.

“Dad’bur …” Hoss caught himself with a wince and started again, “I didn’t teach him nuthin’! I was hammerin’ that nail into the wall and I hit my finger. Guess I must’a said that after I done it…Joe we gotta do somethin’!”

The room was filled with laughter as Joe told, in great detail, the secret they’d kept for the previous five years. Hoss, though still embarrassed, resigned himself to a deep chuckle.

“I warned you about that Hoss,” Adam said between bouts of laughter, “I knew he was gonna start talking soon.”

“Well, if I recall,” Ben said, addressing Adam’s told-you-so manner, “Somebody in this room misplaced his beloved youngest brother when he was just eight months old!”

Adam quickly reopened his journal in an attempt to ignore the story that he knew was forthcoming.

“You were working on your drawings for those new line shacks we were going to build when I had to go tend to a matter in Virginia City…”

“Keep an eye on Benny for me please,” Ben pointed to the baby playing quietly atop a soft blanket on the floor.

“Uh-huh,” Adam’s head was still buried in his work.

“Adam, I’m serious. You’ve got to watch him. He’s crawling now – he’ll be gone before you…”

“Alright, Pa – I said I’d watch him,” Adam said flatly in irritation.

Ben cast one more concerned glance at the baby then left the house. As he untied his horse from the hitching post, he remembered the lumber contracts on the desk. He’d need those. He re-tied the horse and walked back into the house. Upon entering, found his youngest crawling happily through the dining room, on his way to investigate the kitchen.Ben looked around. Adam was nowhere in sight. Ben rolled his eyes and picked up the child. He heard the familiar voice humming somewhere upstairs. Ben scowled, muttering something about “‘watching him’ indeed.” Retrieving the needed documents from the desk, he left the house in a huff, baby and all.Later that day, Ben returned, once again, to an empty house. He harrumphed and crossed the room to his study. He settled the baby on the floor beside him with a blanket and a toy. He had barely begun looking over his newly revised contracts when the front door swung open, followed in short order by his eldest son running frantically in.Ben leaned forward smugly, elbows resting on the desk.“What’s the matter son?”“Pa!” Adam spun around on his heel, obviously startled by his father’s presence.

“Something wrong?”

“Uh…well…I kinda’ misplaced something…” Adam said, looking a little ill.

“Oh really? And what did you misplace?”

“Well…uh…” Adam slumped his shoulders in defeat, “…the baby…I just went upstairs for a minute, and when I came down, he was gone… I’ve looked everywhere.”Ben felt a wave of guilt wash over him as he watched his son in this panicked state, but the feeling soon passed. With a dark glare, Ben leaned over to pick up Benny from the floor next to him. The infant gurgled happily at the familiar sight of his brother.

“Pa …” was all Adam could say as he tried to piece together what had just happened.

Ben stood slowly then rounded the desk. He handed the child to Adam then pointed an accusatory finger at him.

“The next time I tell you to keep an eye on him, perhaps you should consider keeping two eyes on him!”

“I don’t see how that’s funny,” Adam said dryly in response to his brothers’ riotous laughter.

“Well, if you were to keep two eyes on it, you might see it’s pretty darn funny!” Joe howled.

The men sat and talked of precious memories until late in the evening. Eventually the conversation died off and they lost themselves in their own thoughts. One by one, each finally allowed their exhausted bodies and weary minds to succumb to sleep.

In the early hours of the morning, Hop Sing made his way to the kitchen to prepare the morning meal. His eye caught a glow emanating from the main part of the house.  Curious, he went to investigate. His heart broke when he saw the various slumbering bodies lying all over the great room.

He looked at the clock. Three o’clock. They still had two hours to sleep. Perhaps he could coax them to sleep a little longer this morning, since the day would be such a difficult one. He moved to the credenza and opened one of its doors. Pulling some blankets out, he thought of the last time he’d witnessed this very same scene. It had been more than five years prior. The night Benny had come to them. None of them knew exactly what to do with the baby and each had taken their turn at trying to get the child to go to sleep. When at last they succeeded, the men were so tired they couldn’t even climb the steps to their beds. They just made themselves comfortable downstairs. And that’s exactly where Hop Sing had found them the next morning.

Smiling at the memory, he covered each of the slumbering bodies with a blanket then blew out the lamp in the corner. He cast one more glance at the family he loved. This is how he would always remember them: a complete family. Sadness filled his heart as he quietly left the room. Today, he would make a special breakfast.

Chapter 14 – Saying Goodbye

The day was already shaping up to be a warm one as the Cartwright family entered Virginia City in their buckboard. The main street bustled with people going about their business. Adam shifted uncomfortably at the glances from passers-by. He sighed inwardly and mentally cursed Genevieve and her lawyer for the umpteenth time. He had tried to talk Mr. Whitaker into allowing them to take Benny to Carson City to meet up with Genevieve. In his mind, Carson City would be the lesser of the two evils. Both towns were well acquainted with their family, but they weren’t as likely to be the butt of town gossip there as they were here in Virginia City. Alas, Mr. Whitaker would have none of it, insisting that his arrangement was “better for the child.”  Adam sighed again and resigned himself to the knowledge that their final moments as a family would have to be shared amid the murmurs of the citizens of Virginia City.

As the wagon came to a halt, the small gathering of people milling around the stagecoach station was hard miss. Adam pursed his lips and gave a heavy sigh. Did they have no subtlety? No manners? No compassion? He recognized a few of the faces that lingered about. Some probably came to offer support; others came out of idle curiosity; and others still, came to watch what they perceived as the ‘fall of the mighty Cartwrights.’ Pushing the thought from his mind, Adam exited the buckboard.

He rounded the back of the wagon to retrieve Benny’s bags. He looked across the wagon at his family. Hoss and Joe were climbing down. He could hear them mumble something about “nosey neighbors” and “didn’t they have anything better to do.” Opposite them, their father stood next to the buckboard. He held his hat in one hand, while the other dabbed at a bit of sweat on his brow with a handkerchief. Benny sat alone atop the wagon, feet dangling far above the floorboard. He looks so small, Adam thought.

“Alright, down you come,” His father was saying as he held his arms out to lift Benny from the wagon.

Adam looked up at the sun, squinting. It looked like it was going to be a hot day for traveling. He gathered the baggage and joined his family on the boardwalk.

The five made their way over to the waiting stagecoach. Mr. Whitaker was standing in front of it, rattling off orders to the driver. As they neared, Mr. Whitaker looked at his pocket watch, and gave them a stern look.

“Well, it’s about time,” he huffed, “the stage leaves in five minutes.”

Adam held his tongue, remembering his father’s admonition to not cause a scene. He cast a glance toward Ben, who shook his head as if to say it was not an argument worth pursuing.

Mr. Whitaker clucked his tongue in annoyance then turned his attention back to the driver.

“Well, don’t just stand there, load his things!”

The driver harrumphed at the command but hopped down from the stage to take the bags from Adam.

The family stood side by side for a moment as they stared at the vehicle that would separate them.

“Howdy Ben, boys,” Sheriff Coffee’s voice came from behind them.

“Howdy Roy…Thanks for coming…” Ben said, turning to his good friend to offer an appreciative nod.

“Mr. Cartwright,” Whitaker interrupted, “We really must be leaving.”

Ben wheeled around to face the man, scowling. He opened his mouth to speak, but Adam stopped him with a hand to his arm. He knew how mad his father was – how mad they all were – and he secretly wondered if Mr. Whitaker had any idea how lucky he was that the sheriff was right behind them.

“Cain’t leave without a driver,” the driver said flatly said as he jumped down from the stage, “as it turns out… the stage has been delayed.”  The man tipped his hat at Mr. Whitaker in mock-politeness then walked over to Ben. Placing a hand on his shoulder he whispered quietly, “I heard ‘bout what happened…I’m real sorry…I can give you maybe ten more minutes…you say g’bye to yer boy…”

“Thanks…” Ben’s voice was almost inaudible.

Adam nodded his thanks to the driver as he passed, wondering if the man would ever know how much his sympathy was appreciated. He was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of Hoss clearing his throat uncomfortably.

“Guess I’ll go first…” Hoss knelt, pulling his youngest brother in front of him. “Benny, I just don’t rightly remember life before you come…I don’t even wanna think of what it’s gonna be like when you leave…it…it just won’t be the same…I love you,” he pulled the boy into a firm embrace for a moment then released him, wiping at his nose with his shirtsleeve.

“Hey, I got somethin’ fer ya,” Hoss reached into his back pocket. Smiling, he presented a leather star. On its front the word “Sheriff” had been decoratively burned into the surface of the hide.

“Every sheriff needs a badge, I reckon.” Hoss secured the badge to Benny’s shirt pocket.

Benny looked down, running his fingers over the lettering. A few tears trickled their way down the boy’s cheeks.

“Thanks, Hoss. Loves ya,” he muttered, his chin quivering just a bit.

Hoss ruffled the child’s hair. Coming up from his knees, he stepped aside to allow the others their goodbyes.

Joe retrieved a package wrapped in burlap and twine from the back of the wagon and then moved to Benny, kneeling as Hoss had done.

“It’s a funny thing ya know, I’d never been a big brother till you came along… I haven’t had as much practice at it as Adam and Hoss…”  Joe’s eyes fell to the ground sadly. “I hope I did a good job… Here, Adam and I made this for you.”

He handed Benny the package. As tears streamed silently down the boy’s face, he pulled at the string and unwrapped the gift. It was a tiny leather gun belt with a wooden toy gun in the holster. The eyes that looked back at Joe told him that, in spite of the circumstance, the child was in awe of the magnificent present.

“I carved the gun myself. Smell it – it’s real Ponderosa Pine…from that old tree we cut down in the East Meadow last month.”

Benny raised the gun to his nose and inhaled deeply. It had the faint smell of vanilla.

“Smells like home…” he remarked quietly.

Joe nodded and pulled his brother close, “I love you, Benny,” was all he could manage.

“Loves ya too,” the sweet voice was muffled by the arms that encircled him. At length, Joe released Benny. Planting a final kiss on the mound of black curls, he moved to go stand next to Hoss.

“Hey little man,” Adam gave a weak smile as he leaned over to ruffle the boy’s hair. “Let me show you something,” he took the gun belt from Benny, showing him the inside of the belt. He pointed to some words burned into the leather. “See this here? That says, ‘Pa, Adam, Hoss, Joe and Benny – Together Always.’” He tapped on the boy’s chest, “This is where we’ll be together.”

Benny’s eyes stayed fixed on the words. His chin quivered as fresh tears came. “Ya’ll won’t forget me?”

“Hey now,” Adam tilted his brother’s chin up to look at his face, “We’re brothers. That means we take care of each other and love each other…and never ever forget, ya hear?”

Benny nodded then reached up to wrap his arms tightly around Adam’s waist.

“Loves ya Adam.”

“I love you too.”

Benny slowly pushed away from Adam and turned around to face his father. As soon as he saw Ben’s tear-streaked face, he rushed toward him with open arms. Ben scooped his youngest up into a warm embrace.

“I love you, boy…you hear me?”

Ben couldn’t distinguish an answer through the sobs that shook Benny’s small frame. Ben held his son close, not caring who might be watching – who might be talking about them. How long would it be before he could hold Benny in his arms like this again? He wanted to memorize this feeling, to remember it for all time. Caught up in his own grief, Ben did not notice the return of the driver.

“Well, it’s about time,” Mr. Whitaker addressed the driver, “All right, Mr. Cartwright, we’ve wasted enough time with this. It’s time to go.”

Ben nodded and leaned over to place his son on the ground. As he did, Benny’s legs grabbed him at the waist, refusing to be put down.

“Benny, it’s time to go now, it’ll be alright…” Ben said, patting the boy’s back.

Slowly, Benny began to loosen his grip, trusting his father’s words.

“Oh, now really…this is quite enough already.” Mr. Whitaker rolled his eyes in exasperation and reached out to pull the boy away from his father.

Suddenly, Ben felt his son’s body become tense and his breathing was rapid as he gripped at Ben’s neck. Mr. Whitaker tried again. This time, Ben’s ear felt a sharp pain coinciding with the bloodcurdling scream that came from the boy.

In one fluid motion, Joe moved forward and grabbed the man by the collar, pressing him firmly against the stagecoach door. Adam quickly stepped behind Joe, gripping his brother’s shoulder. Joe showed no sign of relenting, but just stared with intensity into Whitaker’s face.

“Don’t ever touch him again.” Joe’s tone was even, though his eyes held every promise that he had no interest in preserving the life that stood before him.

Adam tugged on the shoulder again, and Joe released his grip on the man. Behind them Benny was now completely hysterical.

“Hoss!” Ben shouted, wincing at the shrieks that pierced his ears.

Hoss nodded and gently, but firmly pulled the wailing Benny from his father and pressed the child against his broad chest. Benny continued to kick and scream. Hoss quickly pinned the boy’s arms and legs with his strong arms.

“He’s gonna be sick…” Ben warned.

Hoss nodded, noting the rather pale complexion his brother had taken on.

“I’ll be right back,” he said then walked off in the direction of the livery stable.

“I demand to know where you’re taking that boy!” Whitaker shouted after Hoss, then turned his attention to the other men standing about. “He can’t do that! That’s kidnapping!”

Hoss ignored Mr. Whitaker’s ranting and continued walking.

Once inside the livery stable, Hoss set Benny down on a bail of hay.

“All right, put yer head between yer knees.” Hoss pushed the boy’s head down in an effort to keep him from passing out. After a moment or two, Benny’s breathing slowed, though he was still crying. When Hoss felt sure that Benny was not going to get sick, he sat down and pulled the boy onto his lap, rocking him for a few minutes. At last, his crying stopped, with the exception of an occasional sniffle or whimper.

“Boy, you gotta stop doin’ that,” Hoss said as he reached into his back pocket to retrieve a handkerchief. Unfolding it, he wiped the tears and sweat from Benny’s face.

“Now look… you’ve gotta understand that for as bad as you hate to get on that stage, it’s even worse fer Pa…an’ with you carryin’ on like this, it’s just about ta’ tear him up…Don’t none of us want you to go, but if you leave cryin’ and howlin’ like yer doin’, Pa ain’t never gonna get a moment’s rest after yer gone.”

As he spoke, Hoss could feel Benny relax and settle against his chest. He pressed his lips to the top of Benny’s now sweat-soaked head.

“Do you understand?” Hoss leaned slightly to see Benny’s face.

Benny nodded in affirmation.

“Okay then,” he stood up, placing the boy on the ground. Benny looked up, as if to protest the fact that Hoss was not going to continue to hold him.

“Uh-uh…” Hoss shook his head at his brother, “I carried ya in here, but yer gonna walk out on yer own, ya hear? And yer gonna go without cryin’ and carryin’ on. And yer’ gonna show Pa that’cha can do that so’s he can put you on that stage without killin’ himself over it.”

Hoss thought he saw a brief flash of defiance in the child’s eyes. Benny stood there for a moment, speechless. Finally, a tiny hand slipped into his own. Holding it as tightly as he dared, he led Benny back out to the stage.

The men were talking quietly when the pair returned from the livery stable. Ben looked up in concern when he saw his sons approach.

“Benny has somethin’ to say to ya Pa,” Hoss said, nudging Benny forward.

Benny slowly walked to his father. With his head down he said, “M’sorry, Pa. I don’t want’cha ta’ kill yer’self or nothin’. I’ll go, and I’ll be real good.”

Ben frowned in confusion at the inference to him “killing” himself, then dismissed the comment.

“Don’t you worry, son. I know you’re going to be a good boy.” After a final hug and kiss, Ben lifted Benny to put him on the stage. His hand moved to shut the door when Roy interrupted him.

“Excuse me, Ben.” Roy moved passed Ben and climbed into the vehicle, plopping himself on the seat next to Benny.

“What…” Ben didn’t understand what was happening. Before he could voice his question, Mr. Whitaker spoke up again.

“Whatever are you doing? It is high time we left!”

“Well, then let’s go!” Roy barked back.

The dumbfounded expressions of the men staring back at him, prompted him to explain. “Just so happens I need to see a fella’ in Carson City ‘bout a new horse. Thought it seemed like a good day to go.” His kind eyes traveled to Ben’s.

Ben sighed with relief. Roy was so observant, so intuitive. Ben stepped to the stage window.

“…Thanks Roy…you have no idea how much…”

“Don’t mention it,” Roy said, eyes squinting as he smiled sympathetically. “I’ll stay with’im till they leave. Wish I could do more…I’ll stop by yer’ place this evenin’ when I get back…”

Ben breathed a short prayer as he closed the door to the stage. He glanced up at the driver, wondering if he knew just how precious his cargo was. A moment later the stage was making its way down the dusty main road of Virginia City. Ben stood there for what seemed like an eternity, watching the stage until his eyes could no longer distinguish it from the blurred landscape of Nevada.

“Pa?” Ben turned toward Adam’s voice. His son was looking around at the inquisitive crowd that had gathered. “Let’s get out of here…”

The four returned to the buckboard, ignoring the stares of their neighbors. With a click of his tongue, Hoss started the team of horses. The men sat silently, all dreading the return to the house that would now seem so empty.

*****

The four Cartwright men sat dejectedly around the great room that evening, each trying to preoccupy himself with this or that as they waited for the sheriff’s promised visit. Joe sat on the hearth, his pistol lying in pieces on the stones beside him. Every now and again he would pick up this part or that and rub it with a greasy cloth. Adam sat next to him in the blue chair, staring at the journal in his lap. He’d written a few words, but for the most part he’d simply doodled in the margins, unable to concentrate.  Hoss sat on the settee, one foot propped up on the coffee table holding one end of a bridle taught so that he could have both hands free to mend the other end. Ben stared into the fire from his spot in his leather chair. He held an old, worn Bible in his hand. Occasionally he would flip through the book to find a scripture and read it, but the fire always seemed to recapture his attention. He’d try another passage, only to have his mind wander again. Thus was the way the Cartwrights found themselves when they finally heard the long-awaited sound of horse hooves approaching. At once, they all stood and hurried to the door.

Ben was the first to reach the door. Opening it, he strained so his eyes could focus on the familiar form of his dear friend who emerged from the darkness.

“How’s my boy?” Ben asked, hurrying out into the yard.

Roy Coffee held up his hand reassuringly.

“He did just fine, let’s go in and I’ll tell ya ever’thin’ that happened.”

Roy eased his weary body out of the saddle. He tied his horse and turned to follow his friends into the house. The great room was warm and Roy found himself drawn immediately to the hearth to help rid himself of the chill that had set into his bones. For the afternoon to have been so blazing hot, it sure had managed to get awfully cold after the sun went down, he mused.

Ben motioned to the chair, offering him the seat.

“No thank ya Ben, I’ve been sittin’ on my hind quarters fer most’a the day. I’d just as soon stand.”

Seeing the anxiety in the eyes before him, Roy decided to forego any further small talk and commence to the point. Hat in hand, he took a deep breath and stared straight at Ben.

“I tell ya Ben, that’s quite a boy you got,” he said shaking his head, “under the circumstances, things couldn’t’a gone better.”

Seeing Ben relax a little, Roy continued.

“Oh, he whimpered a bit when we first left, but… ‘bout ten minutes in I got’im talkin’ bout that presents you boys gave’im,” he let a quiet chuckle escape, “wanted to compare his new toys to a real sheriff’s badge and gun.” He stopped, remembering the look on the boy’s face when. To help pass the time, he’d told Benny of some of his ‘adventures’ as sheriff.

“When we got to Carson City, I thought that fool Whitaker was gonna have a fit cause I wouldn’t be on my merry way,” Roy paused, to rub his hand over his whiskered chin and cheeks. “But I stayed with’im till we met up with Mrs. Richardson.”

“Roy, I don’t know how to thank you…” Ben said, grateful for the blessing of a loyal friend.

“Well, I just couldn’t see lettin’ the little guy go by hisself with just that man Whitaker who couldn’t care less iffen he’s scared’er not.”

“So…” Adam spoke up hesitantly. “… how did he react to his mother?”

Roy shook his head in disbelief. “I tell you he was a perfect little gentleman – you’d never have known that just a few hours before he was carryin’ on like he was… Guess he just decided he wasn’t going to make it harder than it had to be.”

The Cartwrights were both shocked and relieved by this. Ben breathed a prayer of thanksgiving that God had answered that prayer at least.

“I think it also helped that Miss Jeannette was there. He went straight to her.”

Roy gave a full accounting of the day’s events right up to Benny’s departure on the late afternoon train. When he finished, the clock on the wall announced that it was time to head back to Virginia City. He smiled and brushed off the family’s repeated thanks as though it were nothing, and then politely dismissed himself.

“I’ll walk you out Roy,” Ben offered, ushering Roy to the door.

The two walked out to where Roy’s horse was waiting.

“Roy, I really can’t thank you enough…”

“Don’t mention it… like I said, I had business in Carson anyway.”

Ben raised an eyebrow and offered a slight grin.

“Yes… I meant to comment on the ‘new’ horse you bought,” he said, sarcastically eyeing the familiar animal in front of him.

Roy smiled back and extended his hand. After a firm handshake, Ben cast a shy glance back toward the house.

“Um, Roy… one other thing…”  he stepped closer, lowering his voice, “how was… um… how was Genevieve?”

“Oh, come on Ben – you can’t be serious!”

Ben’s face flushed at the volume of his friend’s voice. Roy harrumphed. He couldn’t believe that after all she’d put him through, Ben still cared enough to ask after her. ‘Cared’ about her? No, Roy knew better than that. In spite of his anger at what she’d done, Ben loved her.

“Roy, please…”

Roy sighed heavily, searching for words.

“She’s fine… looked a little tired, I reckon, but …” Roy stopped. Come to think of it, she had looked more than tired. He recalled her sunken features and pale complexion and how they were a stark contrast to what he remembered of her. “…She’s fine I reckon,” he repeated and left it at that.

Chapter 15 – Exotic New Orleans

Benny listened politely – though bored out of his mind – as his mother and aunt rattled on excitedly about how much he would love New Orleans. “An exotic city” is what they had repeated over and over. The truth was, he had no idea what the word “exotic” meant. He guessed it must have been a rather grand thing from the way the women kept saying it.

Benny squirmed. His backside was sore from sitting for so long. The buggy they were riding in hit a dip in the road and Benny found himself sliding off the slick leather seat. Readjusting himself to the proper position, he poked his head out of the buggy to investigate. He frowned. That pothole had been the most interesting thing to happen in the last two days.

“Are we almost there?” he asked curiously, bringing his head back into the vehicle. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he flushed. His father and brothers had often gotten on to him when he’d asked that question a hundred times while they were traveling.

“Yes, dear,” his mother replied with a smile, “it won’t be long now.”

Benny slouched in his seat, allowing himself to half sit, half lay. For the moment, his traveling companions were silent. He didn’t mind. Actually, he rather welcomed the hiatus with relief. He had not been around many women in his life, but after the last few weeks of travel, he now believed he knew the difference between boys and girls. He and his brothers and Pa could go hours upon end and not say a thing if they didn’t feel the need. Girls on the other hand, were apparently never at a loss for words.

At this particular moment, though, everyone was silent. And that suited Benny just fine – well, it would have suited him just fine had both women not been staring at him. He shifted uncomfortably. On the rare occasion when they did run out of things to say, they took on the habit of staring at him, making him feel the need to then say something.

“It’s remarkable isn’t it – the similarity?” His mother commented quietly.

“Remarkable, indeed.” Aunt Jeanette answered, equally as quiet.

There they go again, Benny thought. His ears were tired of listening, and he had no desire to know what they were talking about. He sat up in his seat and turned to look at their surroundings. In the distance he could see evidence of a large city and realized that his mother had been correct; they were almost there.

“…Benny?”

“Huh? – I mean, yes ma’am?” Benny asked, turning his attention from the landscape back to the women.

“I said, I can’t wait for you to see New Orleans!” Aunt Jeanette said with a smile.

“My brother, Joe has been there before – he’s told me lots about it.” Benny said, doubting that it could possibly be the same as his brother remembered. Joe was an old grownup and probably hadn’t been to New Orleans in a hundred years. Things would certainly have changed in that amount of time, he surmised.

As they entered the outskirts of the city, the air was thick with the scent of gun powder and smoke. Building after building lay in ruins, either burned or demolished. People seemed to be everywhere. Some pushed carts full of debris, others wandered around aimlessly and still others poked around in the rubble as if to find something that was lost. From no direction in particular came the sound of women and children wailing loudly.

An old man with filthy clothing ran up to their carriage in a panic.

“Mrs. Blakely! It’s all lost!…Lost…” The man cried.

“Jean, what happened here?” Jeanette spoke loudly to be heard over the man’s sobbing.

“The Yanks have gotten through!”

Benny shuddered at the scene before him. This was the “exotic” New Orleans they’d told him about? Misery was all around them. His heartbeat quickened and he felt a sharp pang in his stomach. He did not like this place – it scared him, and he wanted to go home.

“They burned everything they came across – but not before they took what they wanted…”

Benny watched as Jeanette’s eyes widened in horror. “Jean… the farm…”

The man shook his head, raising his hands, “They didn’t burn it – not when I told them who you were… They took all of your horses – and the meat from one of the smoke houses. Other than that, they left the place alone. Few others were as fortunate…”

Jeanette nodded.

“Jean, see that Mrs. Richardson and her son get to their home – I’ll stay and….”

Benny looked up in horror at his aunt. Surely, she was not going to leave him!

“No!” He found himself repeating over and over as the horrid surroundings seemed to swirl about him. He could feel warm tears stinging his eyelids. He did not want to be left in this terrible place by himself. He gasped for breath and his face and limbs began to feel tingly.

A moment later, he found himself in his mother’s lap. She hushed him quietly saying something about “too much for one so young.”

“I don’t wanna stay here. I wanna go home!”  he cried.

He closed his eyes, pressing out a steady stream of tears. His mother rocked him, speaking softly in his ear. He felt the carriage begin to move. The pain burned inside. He desperately wanted his Pa and brothers.

He opened his eyes. Everything was blurry through his tears. This was “exotic” New Orleans. His eyes darted from one thing to another, unable to make sense of what was around him.

He decided then, “exotic” was a truly horrible thing. This was his last thought before he passed out in his mother’s arms.

Chapter 16 – A Turn of Events

For the Cartwrights the weeks that followed Benny’s departure were trying ones. Each man attempted to keep himself as busy as possible in order to keep from dwelling on things that couldn’t be changed. At last, they had all but run out of things to do with themselves. The ranch had never looked so good, and they were even ahead of schedule with their timber and ore contracts.

One late June evening, Little Joe burst into the house, waving an envelope in his hand.

“Pa! Adam! Hoss!” Joe shouted as he ran through the great room. “We got a letter from Jeanette!”

A moment later Ben, Adam and Hoss emerged from various areas of the house.

“Little Joe, what you yellin like that for?” Hoss asked, scowling at his brother.

“We got a letter from Jeanette,” Joe repeated.

“What?” Ben questioned, snatching the envelope from his son’s hand.

Ben tore open the envelope. The message was scribbled on a telegram request form and was clearly shoved hastily into an envelope and sealed.

“Well, go ahead… read it,” Adam prodded, a little impatient.

Ben read allowed: “’New Orleans lost to Union. Destruction everywhere. Benny and Genevieve are safe. Do not come yet. Await further information. Jeanette.”

At the bottom was another quick note jotted down which explained the unusual communique: “Wires down.”

Ben quickly flipped back to the envelope to look at the postmark date. It had been sent a few weeks prior, likely not long after they would have arrived in New Orleans.

The men stared at each other, lost. Silence hung in the air for several moments. Ben startled his sons out of their shock with his quick movement toward the door.

“Where are you going, Pa?”

“Is the train still running straight through to New Orleans?” Ben asked to no one in particular.

“I think I read in the paper that it was cut off a few days from there,” Adam said, trying to recall the article, “The tracks were destroyed by soldiers.”

Ben nodded and thought for a moment.

“Joe – you go get our things packed. You’ll come with me. I’m going to town to make the arrangements. Adam and Hoss, I’ll need you two to stay here.”

Ben looked into the faces of each of his sons.

“I’m afraid this is liable to take a long while…” he looked at the ground, shaking his head, “I should never have let them take him…”

“Pa…” Hoss put a hand firmly on his father’s shoulder, “… are you sure you don’t want Adam and me to go along? Could be pretty rough down there – ya might need some extra help….”

Ben shook his head again, “No…I don’t wish to draw any unnecessary attention to ourselves. That war is not our fight. I just want to get my boy back.”

“You better get goin’ then,” Hoss said, nodding in agreement with his father’s wishes.

“I’ll be about an hour behind you, Pa,” Joe said over his shoulder as he turned to go upstairs to pack their things.

Adam offered a reassuring smile, “We’ll hold down the fort while you’re gone… you just hurry back.”

After a firm handshake and a few last words of instruction to each of his older sons, Ben mounted his horse and galloped away.

*****

The night was hot and sticky, without the luxury of even a small breeze. Benny had tossed and turned, finally forgoing the covers. As he lay sprawled out on his bed, sweating uncomfortably, he tried to figure in his head how long he’d been away from home. He customarily did this at night when he had problems sleeping. As best he could figure it had been about four weeks. Not that it really mattered, it had seemed like an eternity to him. He pushed the thought from his mind as he wiped at a few beads of sweat with the back of his hand. He contemplated removing his nightshirt. Deciding against it, he climbed out of bed and crossed the room to the water basin. As he splashed a handful of cool water on his face, he became aware of the sound of voices coming from down the hall.

Quietly, he opened his bedroom door and tiptoed in the direction of the voices. He arrived at his mother’s bedroom. The door was slightly ajar allowing a bit of soft lamplight to spill out into the hall. Benny came as close as he dared without risking detection. Leaning further, he listened.

“… Mrs. Richardson, I’m sorry I couldn’t be more promising, but your condition has worsened,” a man’s voice was saying.

“Oh Amos, you’re such a worry wart, I’ll be fine. I just got a little tired that’s all,” Genevieve laughed, though it didn’t sound like a funny situation to Benny.

“Mrs. Richardson… Genevieve, you really must take it easy.”

“Amos, there’s no sense just lying here in bed waiting for the end to come. I have a son in there that I intend to get to know before my time comes.”

“Genevieve, just promise me you’ll take it easy.”

“I promise.”

Benny tiptoed back to his room before someone caught him out of bed. He slipped under his covers, wondering at the exchange he’d just witnessed. He laid his head on the pillow, but sleep did not come. He thought of the woman down the hall – the mother he hardly knew. For reasons he couldn’t explain, he felt very sorry for her.

Chapter 17 – The Wheels of Fate

Ben heaved a long, weary sigh as he allowed his body to sink into his seat on the train. He ran a hand over his face as if to wipe away his sleepiness. What a long day it had been. After receiving the letter from Jeanette, Ben had gone to town to ask about the quickest transportation to New Orleans. Apparently, the trains were all awry due to the war. They would need to make the trip half on train, and half on horseback. Although, simply getting to the train had proven to be a bit of an undertaking as they had encountered a number of other small delays. It had begun to storm just as they were leaving Virginia City and, to make matters worse, Joe’s horse had thrown not one, but two shoes along the way. They had barely boarded the train when the massive steal wheels had begun to turn. Now Ben found himself wet, hungry, and extremely exhausted.

“I thought for a while we weren’t gonna make it in time,” Joe commented as he took his seat across from Ben.

“Well, let’s just hope there aren’t anymore delays,” Ben said, readjusting his position to make himself more comfortable.

“You know Pa, it’s been a long time since you and I have taken this trip together,” Joe said with a smile.

Ben nodded, a faint smile spreading across his own face. “Yes, in fact the last time you and I went to New Orleans was when – when I first met Genevieve.”

Joe’s smile faded. “I’m sorry, Pa. I didn’t mean to bring up…”

Ben shrugged it off, “Nothing to be sorry about, Son.”

Joe nodded sheepishly. At length, he sat back and pulled his hat down over his eyes.

Ben’s grin deepened as he watched the young man in front of him. What had happened to that boy who had made this journey with him those years ago? Ben allowed his mind to wander to the events of that life-altering trip he and his son had made.

It was to have been a two month trip altogether. Two weeks there and two weeks back, leaving the month in between for their stay in New Orleans. Since Marie’s death, Ben and Joe had taken this trip every other summer. It was important to Ben that Joe grow up knowing the childhood home of his mother. While there, they would stay with Marie’s life-long friends, the Marceaus.

That last trip had begun no differently than the others. On the appointed day, they arrived in New Orleans and in short order found themselves settled into the Marceau household. As was their tradition, the Marceau’s held a dinner party on the night of their arrival. It was at this dinner party that Mrs. Marceau introduced Ben to her cousin-in-law, Genevieve.

Ben felt his heart skip a beat at the mere thought of their first meeting. She had been wearing a very fashionable gown of light green. Her hair was pinned up pristinely in a fashionable way, showing of her beautiful neckline. Ben recalled being taken with her from the moment they met. She was nothing if not breathtakingly beautiful and her charm and sweet spirit had done nothing to wane his attraction to her. She had been everything that was good.

Ben stared out of the train window, watching the landscapes of Nevada scroll by. The mountains in the distance were bathed in the soft pink glow of dusk. Genevieve had always loved the Nevada sunsets. His mind drifted back to that whirlwind romance those few years ago.

They had met and courted and married within the span of that trip. Of course, the trip had been prolonged for the occasion. Ben had wired Adam and Hoss to let them know they would be extending their trip for another month – and why. He’d regretted having to tell them that way – and that there wasn’t a way for him to have the entire family together for the blessed event. But things being what they were, Hoss and Adam were in no position to leave the Ponderosa unattended and Ben couldn’t very well go gallivanting across the country with his intended before they were married – things like that just weren’t done.

Ben found himself smiling at the memories, then quickly shook them from his mind. How had things gone so wrong? And when had they gone wrong. One day she was the beautiful and loving woman he’d married, and the next she was gone with very little in the way of a decent explanation. Ben often thought he recalled noticing a fear about her in those last few months before she left. He had simply chalked it up to her being homesick for her family and had vowed to take her back for a visit the following spring. Alas, even that was never to be, as she left before he’d even been able to share the idea with her.

Her actions since had been horrifically contrary to the sweet-tempered woman he knew her to be: giving Benny away, asking – no, begging him for a divorce. Ben still couldn’t make sense of it. How could two people go from one extreme to the other in such a short amount of time? His stomach knotted itself and he felt a lump forming in his throat. He missed her – missed the woman she had been.

Ben’s eyes became heavy as he continued to stare out the window. The sun had set and soon nothing would be visible. He looked across at Joe, who was now snoring softly, his hat still covering his face. Ben thought the idea seemed like a good one. Adjusting his position, he lowered his own hat over his eyes and allowed his body to succumb to a very unrestful sleep.

Chapter 18 – A Reunion Surprise

As the buckboard made its way up the lane to the Marceau estate, Ben squinted to see any sign of his youngest son. As they approached the main house he caught sight of a boy with black curly hair, clad only in a pair of warn overalls. He was shirtless and his rib bones rippled under tanned skin as the child stooped to pick up an armful of wood from a woodpile. At the sound of their coming, the boy turned to face them squarely. Ben’s heart leapt. It was Benny.

“Benny!” Ben jumped out of the wagon, though it was still moving. Stumbling, then catching his balance, he ran toward the child. “Benny!” As he neared the boy, he slowed his pace then dropped to his knees in front of his son. He alternated holding the boy by his arms and then pushing him back to look intensely at him, as though to convince himself that his son was indeed right there with him. Ben’s heart ached when he noticed how much he’d grown – at least an inch – since they’d said goodbye on the stage more than two months ago. He looked into the boy’s face. It seemed different. Ben’s heart broke again as he realized how much his son had changed in just a few short months. It was then that he realized the child looking back at him was not relieved in any way to see him. In fact, his face held an expression of curiosity, even fear. “Benny,” he repeated softly.

“Mister, I don’t know who you are, but I ain’t Benny,” the child said backing out of Ben’s reach.

Ben scowled. Of course he was Benny. What was the matter with him? Was he sick? Did he get hurt? Could he not remember? A million thoughts and fears ran through Ben’s mind all at once.

“Benny’s in the barn feedin’ Lulu,” the child pointed at a building just past the large house.

Ben stared at the boy skeptically.

“I’ll show you,” the child said, dropping the armful of wood.

By this point, Joe had arrived in the yard with the buckboard and dismounted.

“What’s wrong with him?” Joe whispered, coming up behind his father.

“I don’t know,” Ben replied, then moved to follow the boy to the barn.

“Hey Benny!” The child called out, startling the men, “Someone here’s lookin’ for ya.”

A head full of black curls peeked out from behind the barn door. Ben’s jaw dropped. It was Benny. No, this was Benny. Ben looked at the child standing next to him and back again to the one now emerging from the barn.

“Pa!” The boy ahead of him screamed and came running toward him. “Pa!”

“Benny?” Ben asked softly, now not knowing what to think or believe.

The arms that encircled his neck were proof enough that this was indeed his son. The boy looked up, suddenly becoming aware of Joe’s presence.

“Joe!” He jumped down from his father’s arms and ran to his brother but stopped short when he saw Joe’s dumbfounded expression. Ben and Joe stared from one child to the other with gaping mouths. Benny turned to look at the other boy then with a knowing grin said, “This is Johnny. He’s my brother too.”

Ben felt the world begin to spin as identical faces smiled up at him.

“Oh, not again…” he heard Joe’s voice say. He felt his son’s arms supporting his body. His last conscious thought was of a single word… twins.

He’d fainted. Again.

*****

The sound of distant voices murmuring quietly reached his ears. Ben felt the weight of his body pressing into soft cushions. He willed his eyes to open and started slightly at the sight of Benny, who was inches away from his face.

“He’s awake, Aunt Jeanette!” the boy fairly screamed, making Ben’s ears ring.

“Benny?” Ben managed.

“I’m over here, Pa,” it was then that he realized he was lying on a sofa. Benny was standing behind his head.

Slowly, he sat upright. The boys moved in front of him, concern evident in their eyes. Ben looked at the faces before him, neither looking exactly like the one he’d said goodbye to two months prior. Speechless, he continued studying their faces. At closer look, they weren’t exactly identical. He recognized Benny’s piercing blue eyes, sunken cheeks, and smaller stature. The other boy – what was his name? Jimmy? Jerry? – had deep brown eyes, a slightly fuller face and was a good inch taller than Benny.

“You alright, Pa?” the boy on the right asked.

“It’s a good thing that other fella was there to catch you – or you’d’a cracked yer head real good,” the boy on the left remarked matter-of-factly.

Ben blinked a few times, the shock finally beginning to subside. Looking around for the “other fella”, he realized it was just the three of them in the living room. Ben felt a small hand touch his knee. He turned back to see Benny now standing between his knees, his face very solemn.

“I knew you’d come,” he whispered almost inaudibly and leaned against Ben’s chest.

Ben felt his throat constrict. He swallowed hard and lifted the boy to his knee and held him close.  He looked uncomfortably at the other boy, who stared back at them curiously.

“Here’s a glass of water – drink it slowly.”  Jeannette’s voice startled them all.

Ben looked up, accepting the cool glass.

“Where is Joe?” he asked before taking a sip.

“Oh, there’s a storm coming, so he offered to get what few stock we have left penned up before it gets here… I see you’ve met… everyone…” Jeanette said, eyeing the two boys.

Ben nodded, a frown coming to his face. “And I have just one simple question for you.” He paused a moment, taking Benny off his lap. “What in blazes is going on here?” His voice boomed suddenly, making Jeanette and the boys flinch.

“Oh, I am sorry, Ben… I’d hoped to catch you first… to prepare you.”

“Prepare me…” Ben echoed, a bit annoyed.

“Well, yes… I mean it’s quite remarkable – shocking – but remarkable,” she offered with a hopeful smile. Ben’s face still held a steady frown.

She held out her hands, signaling the boys to join her where she stood. Bare feet padded their way over to her. With an arm around each, Jeanette smiled broadly.

“Ben, six years ago your son Benny – whom you love dearly – came into this world.” Jeanette began, trying desperately to appeal to Ben’s more affectionate side. She breathed deeply before continuing, “But… about five minutes before that, your other son, John Marceau Cartwright, was born.”

Ben stared blankly at Jeanette, a million different emotions churning in his heart. He had no idea where to begin with his barrage of questions.

“Jeanette…” Ben put his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees, “I think it’s time you told me the truth – the whole truth.”

Jeanette nodded, her eyes darkening. She turned to the boys, a forced smile spreading across her face. “Why don’t you two go outside and help Little Joe …”

The boys nodded and left the room in a hurry, both more than willing to be out of doors on such a hot and muggy day.

Ben watched them leave then turned to Jeanette. “Alright now… From the beginning – and I’ll not tolerate any more half truths or lies.”

Chapter 19 – Brothers In The Barn

The barn was quiet except for the sound of the livestock stirring. Both men stood next to their horses, quietly grooming them and putting saddle blankets in place. After some time passed, Hoss broke the silence.

“Adam, I just don’t see how it’ll help none…” he said, effortlessly lifting his saddle and placing it on his horse’s back.

Adam sighed. They’d been over this a hundred times, and it seemed to be the only thing they could do from their end to help their father.

“Hoss, once that Judge in Carson understands what’s happened, he’ll renounce his earlier decision.”

Hoss frowned, none-too-convinced. “What if he don’t?”

Adam shrugged and looked up from the cinch he was tightening. “Well, that’s just a chance we’ll have to take. But if Pa comes back with Benny and that judge finds out that he’s gone against his ruling… well…” Adam’s voice trailed off. He didn’t need or want to finish that thought. He turned his attention back to the cinch.

After saddling and bridling his horse, Hoss turned to his brother and offered a weak smile.

“Well… let’s get to it then.”

*****

Joe wiped the perspiration from his brow before spearing his pitchfork once again into the mountain of hay. He no sooner began his task again when beads of sweat reappeared on his forehead. He’d forgotten how humid it was down here – very different from the dry climate of Nevada. He tossed a fork-full of hay to the milk cow in the corner stall.

“Joe, how come this cow’s gotta be locked up, but our ones at home don’t?”

Joe looked up from his work at the two boys hanging on the stall gate next to him. He felt like he was seeing double. This twin thing was going to take some getting used to.

“Well, our cows at home are beef cows – well, except for our few milking cows and we do keep them penned off – behind the barn.”

“How many cows do ya’ll got?” Johnny asked.

“Hun’erds and hun’erds of’em!” Benny said, a bit boastfully.

Joe smiled and nodded. “Well, we have too many to put them all in the barn, that’s for sure!”  Joe shoveled another mound of hay and then turned back to the boys. “Say, what’re you two doing out here anyway? Why aren’t you in the house with Pa and Jeanette?”

“We’re helping you,” Benny said with a smile.

“Some help!” Joe laughed and tossed some hay at them. He burst out into laughter at the sight of their overall clad bodies drizzled with hay. “Now you two look like scarecrows!”

The boys brushed the hay off and grinned mischievously at each other. Simultaneously, they leapt from the gate, each grabbing an armful of hay. With a squeal of laughter, they charged toward their attacker. Joe – still laughing – reached out and apprehended each boy by his suspender straps, promptly ending their coup.

“Now,” he said grinning at the two boys, “how about you two scarecrows go get me a few buckets of water for this poor thirsty cow?”

Chapter 20 – Attempting An Explanation

Jeanette took a deep breath, her eyes glazing with unshed tears. She had no idea where to start her sister’s tale of ill-begotten dreams and endless cycle of mistakes made in moments of fear.

“Before you met Genevieve – in fact, the summer before you met her – our mother passed away…”

Ben nodded, his face still holding a frown. She found it difficult to avert her gaze from the piercing brown eyes that were staring her down. She shifted uncomfortably and forced herself to continue.

“She died of some sort of heart problem – a condition that evidently runs in our family. The doctors don’t really know what it is, or how to cure it, but apparently the symptoms are usually evident from early childhood – small birth weight, very weak heartbeat, things like that I suppose. Growing up, Genevieve and I had always known the risks of one or both of us turning up with it. But, as we approached adulthood with no problems, we became fairly certain that we’d escaped that horrid fate.”

Jeanette fidgeted with the handkerchief she held in her lap, unsure of how to proceed. How could he possibly understand? He hadn’t seen what this disease could do to a person. She had seen it, though. She had sat at the bedside of her mother and her sister and seen them both wither away to practically nothing – and in more pain than could possibly be imagined. How did one go about explaining something like that? She looked into Ben’s accusing eyes and wanted to cry. Of course he was mad. Why wouldn’t he be? She took another deep breath and inwardly cursed the disgusting fate that had torn these two lovers apart.

“You two had been married for about a year – and she was so happy… so very happy… then she began to experience the same symptoms our mother had had – the chest pains, difficulty breathing, vomiting, weakness… She wrote to the doctor that attended our mother and he travelled to meet her in Carson City. That was when she found out her suspicions were correct.”

“Why didn’t she tell me?” Ben asked evenly, skepticism written all over his face.

“She wanted to, but when she thought of all the loss you’d suffered over the years – with your other wives – she just couldn’t bring herself to tell you that you’d have to go through it all over again.”

“So that’s why she left?”

Jeanette shrugged, “I think she figured it would be better for her to leave and for you to believe she didn’t love you, than for you to have to watch her die…and in such a way…”

Ben’s glare sent a shiver down Jeanette’s spine. Part of her wanted to be angry with him for not understanding and the other part couldn’t blame him in the least if he never wanted to see Genevieve again.

“And the children?” Ben asked.

Jeanette nodded and hurried on. “When she left you, she came here to live with me in New Orleans. I told her I didn’t think it was the right thing to do – but in the end, I couldn’t turn her away. Not long after she arrived, she found out she was expecting… It was a very difficult time for her – her condition worsened over those months and the doctors feared all three would be lost – though they didn’t know she was carrying twins at the time…”

Ben interrupted her, anger burning in his face, “And you never told me…”

A few tears trickled down her cheeks at the accusation. She opened her mouth to protest but, in the end, her shoulders slumped and simply nodded.

“I told her you had a right to know – that she couldn’t right a wrong with yet another mistake…”

Jeanette dabbed at her eyes with her handkerchief.

“It was an absolute miracle that she survived the births at all… when the boys were born, Johnny was healthy, though small – as twins usually are… But Benny…”

Fresh tears came and she found herself unable to finish the thought.

“Jeanette… what about Benny?” The worry in Ben’s face broke her heart.

“… Benny was so small and so weak…” she stared at the floor as though, in a trance, she was revisiting that day six years ago. “…so small… the doctor said that he’d likely not last the night… Dr. Ford was able to pull him through, but said he was so weak he likely wouldn’t live to see more than a couple of birthdays.”

“Jeanette…” Ben said softly, urging her to explain further.

“Benny… already had the symptoms…”

Chapter 21 – What They Discovered in Carson City

Adam fanned his face with his hat as he entered the courthouse. Indoors was the last place he liked to be on such a hot day. At least outside one could enjoy an occasional breeze. Inside, it was just hot and stuffy.  Pushing the thought from his mind, he made his way over to the front desk.

“Can I help you?” the receptionist asked rather stoically.

“Yes ma’am, we need to speak to Judge Nelson,” Adam said.

Hoss was standing unnaturally close to him, and Adam stepped away slightly. Although he’d agreed to go along with Adam’s plan, Hoss made it very clear that he was uncomfortable with the whole idea.

“I’m sorry, but there’s not a Judge Nelson here, sir.”

“Well, can you tell us where we might find him?”

The receptionist looked up at him curiously. “I wouldn’t know. Judge Snyder is the judge here in Carson City.”

“Yes, I know. But Judge Nelson was brought in for a special case a few months ago. It’s very urgent that we speak with him.”

The woman removed her spectacles, her polite expression turning to one of agitation.

“Sir, I have already told you – there is no Judge Nelson…”

Adam sighed impatiently.

“Just look for the file please – Cartwright – it would have been back in early May.”

The woman frowned for a moment, then reluctantly turned to a large filing cabinet. She rifled through a number of documents before finally turning back.

“I don’t have any record of a Cartwright. Perhaps another name?”

“Okay… um… try Richardson.” Adam looked up, noting Hoss’s rather skeptical expression.

The woman turned again and flipped through some more papers.

“No… no… I don’t see anything… Are you sure it was here in Carson City?”

“Madam…” Adam pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. If he had any patience left at this point, he was holding on to it by a very thin tether. He spoke deliberately through clenched teeth. “I was here not two months ago and sat in that courtroom with Judge Nelson presiding.”

“I’m sure I would have remembered that – if it had happened.”

Adam’s face burned with frustration. What did she mean “if it had happened”? He’d just opened his mouth to give the woman a piece of his mind when he felt his brother’s hand on his arm.

“Adam…” Hoss said evenly.

Adam nodded in resignation, stepping back from the desk. It wasn’t often that he let his emotions get the better of him, but Hoss knew him well enough to know when he was at the end of patience. He stood back and allowed his brother to take over.

“Ma’am,” Hoss moved forward addressing the woman, “Cain’t you look to see if there is a Judge Nelson anywhere?”

The woman raised a thin eyebrow, heaved an irritated sigh and turned back to her filing cabinet. Pulling out a document, she put her spectacles on the end of her nose and scanned it.

“It seems there was a Judge Thomas Nelson over in Placerville, but he’s been dead for nearly ten years now.” She handed the document to Hoss, who looked at it and passed it on to Adam.

Adam read the paper. It listed the Judge’s credentials and years of service as well as some other professional information that would only be of interest to someone in the legal field. Adam handed the document back to the woman and looked at his brother dejectedly.

“I’m sorry, gentlemen, but there is no Judge Nelson – at least not anymore.”

*****

Ben felt a lump rise in his throat, as a million images of his son flashed through his mind. His heart refused to believe what Jeanette was implying.

“You mean he’s got this…this… whatever this disease is?”

Jeanette nodded solemnly. Ben stared at her blankly, his appendages suddenly feeling a bit numb. At length, he gathered his thoughts enough to speak again.

“So why did she send Benny to me?”

“She decided that if Benny were to have a chance at life – it would be with you, on the Ponderosa. You clearly had the means to find the doctors for him, should he need them… So, in her thinking, it made sense to send you Benny.”

Made sense? Ben let out a soft, sarcastic snort. None of this made sense.

Jeanette continued, “My husband died just before the boys were born and as Genevieve’s medical expenses grew, we soon found ourselves unable to pay… she was content to deny herself the medical attention she needed – as long as Benny got it in her stead.”

Ben put his head in his hands and pressed firmly on his temples, rubbing away the headache that had crept in.

“So, instead of allowing us to spend whatever time we had left together, she ran off… to spare me the heartache of losing her, and instead… sent me a son who was dying? Why didn’t she just tell me all of that in the first place? And why didn’t she tell me about…um…” Ben stuttered slightly, trying to recall the child’s name, “… uh…. Johnny?”

“Ben, she was afraid after she left. She had thought that her initial decision to leave you would – in the end – be the lesser of the two evils. But when she had the boys, she was afraid – afraid you’d take them both away from her – out of anger for her leaving.”

Were it not for his frustration, Ben might have laughed at such irony.

“So why did she want Benny back – after all this time?”

Jeanette took a deep breath, an expression of relief washing over her face.

“She found this doctor… from Georgia… who has experience in treating this kind of illness – whatever it is. But he seems to be quite the expert with children. It seems it might be possible to treat it in children – before it’s had a chance to reach a critical stage. When she found out about this doctor, she had to see about getting him to see Benny.”

Ben frowned, unsure of what to believe anymore.

“You said the doctors didn’t think he would live long when he was born… what made her think he was even still alive?”

“Well… remember, when I had been married, I was quite… well-to-do… I acquired many a loyal friend – Some people owed me favors and what not… So, we wrote to a friend in Carson City and asked him for any information he could give us.”

“Well, someone might have told me – instead of going through all of this deceit and the agony of those legal proceedings!” Ben was fairly shouting at the woman by this point, though she sat only a few feet away from him.

Jeanette’s eyes filled will new tears again as she nodded in agreement.

“I know… I told her that, but she insisted that you would be angry and would tell her no – she said she just didn’t have time to go through all of that.”

Ben opened his mouth to protest further but was interrupted by a knock at the door. Jeanette excused herself quietly to answer it, leaving Ben to simmer on the sofa. From where he sat in the living room, he could see a young union soldier standing in the front doorway, handing Jeanette an envelope. The two conversed quietly for a moment before the soldier turned to leave.

“Ben… you got a telegraph from Carson City…I suppose they’ve fixed the wires now.”

Ben stood, accepting the envelope.

“It appears many people respect the position you once held in society…” Ben turned with a raised eyebrow and looked out the window at the soldier riding away, “…for a soldier of the opposing army to hand deliver a telegram to you…”

Jeanette simply nodded and took her seat. Ben opened the envelope and read its rather brief message:

“Went to Carson to speak with judge. No record of case. There is no Judge Nelson. Adam.”

Ben glowered at Jeanette. In spite of all he’d heard, he hadn’t thought it possible for either her or Genevieve to sink this low. This was the final straw.

Chapter 22 – Keeping Watch

Hoss yawned and stretched his weary muscles as he crossed the yard to the house. It had been a busy day. He preferred it that way, really. The busier he stayed, the less time he had to think about his missing family members. So, the weariness he felt now suited him just fine.

Before he even reached the front door, the smell of fried chicken and mashed potatoes and hot biscuits reached his nose. His stomach grumbled and he picked up his pace. He crossed the great room quickly to the stairs to go wash up for dinner. As he walked down the hall to his room, he noticed Benny’s bedroom door standing wide open. That was odd. It had been sort of an unspoken understanding in the house since Benny had left, that the door to his room was to remain shut. It was just too painful to walk by the vacant room and be constantly reminded that Benny was gone. Frowning curiously, he went to investigate. Inside, he found Adam standing at the window, arms folded across his broad chest.

“What’cha doin’ Adam?” he asked, entering the room.

If Adam was startled, he didn’t show it. He just kept staring out of the window.

“Adam?” Hoss repeated, moving closer to his brother.

Adam released a long exhale before moving his hands to rest on his hips. When he spoke, his voice was quiet and hoarse.

“When Joe was little – and this was his room – Marie used to ask me to come up here and get him ready for supper… I’d get him cleaned up and then he’d run to the window and watch for Pa… He loved to watch out this window cause he could see Pa coming a mile off…”

Hoss smiled, thinking it was a rather random thing for his brother to be reminiscing about. Then his grin broadened with his own memory.

“Well, I remember Ma gettin’ real mad at us – a number of times – and sendin’ us upstairs an’ sayin’ ‘just wait till your Pa gets home.’ Then we’d all come in here and there’d be three very worried faces pressed up against that window watchin’ fer Pa.”

Adam didn’t smile, only nodded in recollection, still looking at what lay beyond the window. Hoss’s own smile faded, and he moved to place a gentle hand on his brother’s shoulder.

“I miss’em too… but I don’t think lookin’ out that window’s gonna bring’em back any sooner.”

Adam nodded and looked around the room sadly. “Yeah, I know… let’s go get some supper, huh?”

Hoss flashed a gap-toothed grin and clapped his brother’s back.

“Now that’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout,” he said softly.

The two left the room quietly, closing the door as they went.

Chapter 23 – How Could She?

“Ben, I swear! We did no such thing!”

Jeanette could feel the palms of her hands beginning to sweat as Ben walked frantically around the room, shouting loudly. In his fist he held the crumpled telegram.

“You know,” Ben stopped his pacing long enough to point a finger at her. “I’ve been more than patient through this entire ordeal, but this is just …just… despicable! – No! It’s worse than that!”

Jeanette pursed her lips in frustration. How was she supposed to convince him that they had not staged a fake judge, with him in this kind of temperament? Ben was so hard to read sometimes – well, not at times like the present of course, for he was very easy to read now. Before the telegram had been delivered, she’d hoped that she was beginning to make him see the truth of the matter – that perhaps he wouldn’t be as angry as she’d feared he would be (and, in truth, as angry as he had a right to be). She and her sister had both made their mistakes. Jeanette knew inwardly that for as much as she’d disagreed with Genevieve’s rash decisions, she was just as guilty for going along with them.

“Ben, listen to me!” Ben and Jeanette were both taken aback at the surprising volume of her voice. Ben stared at her, mouth gaping open. Jeanette paused a moment to collect herself.

“Ben,” she began again, quieter this time, “please believe me. I don’t know what this is about – we were also told that a judge would be brought in for the case – a judge with an unbiased opinion. I have no idea where this Judge Nelson came from…”

Jeanette watched his face, trying to discern what he might be thinking. He was definitely not an easy one to read. She shook the thought from her mind and continued.

“Ben – don’t you think I would have told you? I’ve spent the last hour confessing all the horrid details of the last six years – why would I refuse to admit to this?”

She turned away from him and closed her eyes. She wished fervently it would all just go away. That she could snap her fingers and things would immediately be put right. But then again, what was “right” at this point? She was sure she didn’t know.

“What do you want me to say?” Ben’s voice startled her back into the moment and she turned to face him. “I’ve spent years waiting and hoping that Genevieve would come back. That we could be a family again, the way we were supposed to be from the beginning. Then… at last, I was able to convince myself that she was not coming home.”

Ben’s voice was now soft and raspy – a stark contrast from what it had been moments before.

“I’m an old man… I hadn’t planned on raising another child. But when Benny came, I did. And, as with my other boys, I’ve loved him more than life itself. And now, you’re telling me that, not only did my wife betray me, but now my son – the only truly good thing to result from our marriage – might be dying? And to top it off, you’ve tainted our other child’s future with an endless chain of bad decisions…”

Ben was standing at the window with his back to her. Jeanette felt her stomach burning with grief and reminded herself, not for the first time that afternoon, that Ben had every right in the world to be upset. She didn’t want to make excuses for the mistakes they’d made, but she knew it was important for Ben to understand why they’d made them.

“Ben, Gen never gave you – your love – enough credit. But please understand that there is more to her story,” Jeanette’s shoulders slumped. “But you need to hear the rest from her.”

“I think it’s time I spoke to Genevieve.”

Jeanette’s eyes widened. Over the last few weeks since they’d returned home, her sister’s health had deteriorated rapidly. She knew their reunion would be inevitable, but she worried how Ben might react when he saw her. Still, she couldn’t refuse him. Finally, she stood and nodded.

“I’ll take you up.”

Chapter 24 – One Lucky Frog

Joe sighed inwardly as he peeked nonchalantly out of the barn door toward the house. He had a hunch that the boys had been sent out to “help” him so that his father could have it out with Jeanette and Genevieve. A hundred emotions churned inside of him at the thought. With the exception of the last few months, he’d always rather liked both of the women. He’d been so excited when his Pa and Genevieve had married. She was beautiful and sweet tempered – and best of all, she had not treated him like a little boy. She listened and talked with him – as though everything he had to say was just as important as any grown up. Joe laughed inwardly at the thought. It’s funny how something like that can be so important to you when you’re young. She was not his mother – and never asked that he refer to her as such. But he always liked to believe that, if his own mother had lived, she might have been as sweet and beautiful as Genevieve.

He’d never let on, but he had been heart-broken when Genevieve left. He’d spent a good deal of time wondering and worrying over what he’d done to cause her to leave. In hindsight, he supposed that was a natural way for him to react given his age at the time. He’d thought all of the pain was behind him now. But over the last few months, it had all been stirred back up again. He couldn’t imagine how much worse it had been for Pa. His father still loved her. Of that, Joe was sure. For as stubborn and cantankerous as Ben Cartwright could be at times, he took matters of love and faith very seriously. When he had promised his life and heart to Genevieve those seven years ago, he’d done so for life. Signing some measly little paper that said they were divorced didn’t matter. He’d vowed before God to love and cherish her until death. Even still, Joe knew his father loved his children and would not tolerate anybody hurting them – not even his wife.

Joe turned back to the animals he had been tending as a low rumble of thunder shook the rafters of the barn. He could smell the rain in the air and knew the storm would be upon them in a matter of minutes. He hoped that the discussion going on inside the house would be at a stopping point soon. He didn’t relish the thought of walking in during the middle of it and having to wait out the storm with the uncomfortable tension that was likely to be lingering.

“Boys, are you about ready to head in?” Joe asked. “That storm’s coming pretty quick now.”

Two heads popped up from behind an empty stall, then disappeared below again.

“Yeah, just a second…”

Joe heard them whispering excitedly and knew they were up to something. He crept over to the stall and peeked over its wall just in time to see one of the boys – he wasn’t sure which – stuffing a bullfrog into his pocket.

“Oh no you don’t!!” Joe shouted.

The boys jumped at his voice.

“But Joe…”

“You are NOT taking that thing into the house! Pa would have my head!”

“But it’s sick…” the boys said, pouting.

“Not as sick as you’re gonna be when Pa catches you with it. Now let it go and let’s get inside before it rains.”

The boys gave each other a rather defeated frown and turned to let the frog go. Joe nearly laughed at how quickly it hopped away. The poor thing probably knew it wouldn’t have survived whatever “treatment” the boys were going to implement to help it get well.

The frog had no sooner hopped off when the boys turned happily back to Joe, their “patient” quickly forgotten. Joe shook his head with a grin and led them back to the house just as the first drops of the storm began to fall.

Chapter 25 – Another Turn of Events

Ben followed Jeanette up the staircase and down the corridor to Genevieve’s bedroom. Jeanette paused with her ear to the door for a moment before softly turning the knob and proceeding in. Ben entered behind her, surprised at how dark the room was.

Since the bedroom was at the corner of the house it had windows lining two walls, all of which were masked by heavy drapes. Angled in the corner, near the windows, was a large bed, flanked on each side by a nightstand. In the middle of the bed was a waif of a form, cocooned in blankets and pillows. Ben strained to see in the dim light. His eyes widened in shock as he took sight of her.

Blue eyes that had once been as bright and dazzling as the noonday sky, were now dull and recessed. Cheeks that had once been full and attractively pink, were now sunken and held a rather strange pallor. This could not be the young and vibrant woman he’d married.

Jeanette reached out to touch her sister. Genevieve’s eyes fluttered open.

“Genevieve?” Jeanette paused, watching for response. “Genevieve, Ben is here…”

Ben swallowed hard as he stared at the weak form on the bed, unable to believe it was actually her.

“Ben?” Genevieve’s familiar voice reached his ears and he assured himself that it was, in fact, her.

Jeanette turned and gave him a brief nod, then left the room. Ben stepped forward and took a seat at the edge of her bed. He looked at her, not knowing quite what to say or do. He’d come up here ready for a fight. A fight with what? This?

“Ben?”

“I’m here…” Ben thought he should reach out and take hold of her hand to assure her of his presence but found he couldn’t bring himself to do so.

“Will you light the lamp?”

Ben looked around, finding the lamp on the nightstand beside her. He struck a match and lit the wick of the lamp. As he turned back to her, he was relieved to see that her coloring looked slightly better in the light.

“You’re upset…” she said quietly.

For some reason Ben found himself shaking his head.

“I heard you downstairs yelling…” she drew in a long and raspy breath “… you’re upset.”

“You know… you shouldn’t eaves drop…” Ben said flatly, unsure why he’d offered such a lame attempt at humor – and at such a time.

A faint smile washed across her face, but quickly disappeared.

“You’re going to take them away, aren’t you?”

Ben pinched the bridge of his nose and gave a long, weary exhale.

“By-golly I ought to…” His mind was muddled, and he wasn’t sure what to say next. At last, he threw his hands up in exasperation, “Genevieve… why?”

Ben thought he saw a flash of protest in her eyes. Ultimately, though, she turned her head away from him in resignation. “Because I’m a bad person…”

“No!” Ben saw her start at his tone, but hurried on nonetheless, “That’s just it Genevieve – You’re not a bad person – at least you weren’t. This isn’t you! That’s why I can’t understand.”

“Ben, I loved you too much to…”

“Love!” Ben spat the word out in disgust. “Was it for love that you left me? For love that you ruined the lives of our children? Was it love that made you beg me for a divorce? And for love that you…” he paused, his throat constricting, “…married another man?”

Now it was Ben who turned away, setting his jaw stubbornly against the pain in his heart.

“Ben please…” He felt her hand touch his. It was clammy, but gentle. “…please let me explain…”

“You know Genevieve…” Ben turned to her with a glare, a sudden feeling of apathy washing over him. “I don’t think I want to hear it.”

He knew immediately that his words had hurt her, but he couldn’t bring himself care.

“You will take them away from me…”

Ben stood and turned to her, his eyes red and shimmering. He shook his head.

“No, Genevieve, I won’t… Because I’m not like you. I won’t pull Johnny away from the only parent he’s ever known. He has a right to stay here until…” Ben stopped abruptly, not believing what he’d almost said.

“…until I die?” Genevieve finished for him.

Ben chided himself for his poor choice of words. In the end he simply nodded in affirmation.

*****

“Adam, if you put any more saddle soap on there, yer gonna slip right off it the next time you mount up.”

Adam looked up to find Hoss standing in the doorway of the barn, grinning broadly. He let out a soft laugh, suddenly realizing how long he’d been at the task.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He tossed the soap container and rag onto a nearby bench and looked up at his brother again.

“Did you get that fencing done on the east ridge?”

“Yup.” Hoss nodded, absentmindedly twirling a strand of hay between two fingers.

“We probably ought to get the herd moved from the upper pasture to the lower, don’t you think?”

Hoss shook his head. “Smitty and the boys already done that this morning.”

A moment of bored silence descended. A cool, soft breeze came through the barn, bringing with it the unmistakable scent of Ponderosa Pine. Adam closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation of the wind against his sweaty face and arms. He wasn’t one who was given much to taking naps, but if he wasn’t mistaken, this was perfect napping weather – Sitting under the shade of a massive tree, hat pulled down over his face, the sound of the birds in the trees…. At length, he allowed the thought to pass without consequence and moved on to more practical things.

“Well, we could go and get those line shacks ready for winter – never hurts to plan ahead, you know.”

“Adam… them shacks are plenty stocked. Remember?  We did that just last month.”

“Oh right…”

“Wanna go into town – we could go an’ have us a beer or somethin’…” Hoss offered with a mischievous grin. Since Benny had come along, their time spent in saloons had been greatly reduced. Especially since nearly every time one of them came into town they had their little brother in tow.

Adam shrugged. “Nah…”

“We could go fishin’.”

Adam turned up his nose. It wasn’t the same without Benny. For as much as it tried his patience to take Benny fishing – it never failed, he always managed to fall into the water every time – it wouldn’t be the same to go without him.

“Well that only leaves one thing left to do.” Hoss said.

“What’s that?”

Hoss’s eyes took on a distinct twinkle that Adam was all too familiar with. He grimaced, knowing that twinkle usually resulted in a near-death experience with their father. He felt a moment of relief though, knowing that Joe was nowhere around – When he was added to the mix, Adam could typically count on having a downright problem on his hands.

“New Orleans ought’ta have pretty good fishin’ this time of year – don’cha think?”

Ah, there it was. So, this was to be the manner of his demise this time. Adam scowled and shook his head firmly.

“No, absolutely not.”

“Ah, come on Adam. There ain’t nuthin’ fer us to do here,” Hoss fairly whined, “Round – up and branding’s done, we finished that ore contract last week and the lumber contract the week before that. There ain’t nuthin needs doin’ that the hands cain’t take care of while we’re gone… What could it hurt?”

Adam lowered his eyebrows evenly. “No.”

“What’re we gonna do round here anyway? Just eat ourselves up with worry is all.”

Adam had to admit, Hoss did have a point. The first two weeks after their father and Joe had left, they’d managed to stay beyond busy. But now, everything had slowed to a snail’s pace. They’d intentionally not taken on any new contracts for the summer months, unsure of how the situation with the custody case would go and not wanting to get themselves into a bind time-wise.

Adam rolled his eyes in defeat, realizing he really had no good argument to give. “Oh, all right…”

Hoss’s grin returned, wider than before. “I’ll go into town first thing in the mornin’ and see bout the train fare.”

Adam clucked his tongue at his brother’s excitement. “You know… Pa’s gonna kill us…”

Chapter 26 – A Light In The Darkness

As Ben walked down the hall leading away from Genevieve’s room, he heard the front door open. Soon the sounds of children (with far too much energy for a rainy day) filled the house. He could hear Jeanette downstairs saying something about “cookies and milk in the kitchen.” Joe was somewhere below as well, making lighthearted comments to the boys.

“Pa!”

Ben had barely reached the bottom of the stairs when Benny bounded up to meet him. He bent down and scooped the boy up.

“Hey, Pa…” Joe said from the bottom of the staircase, “I… uh… hope we didn’t interrupt…”

Ben shrugged. “Not at all.” He gave Joe a wink, indicating they would talk later.

“Now, young man… I heard something about cookies and milk…”  Ben gave Benny’s stomach a tickle, making the child squirm in his arms giggling.

The three followed Jeannette and Johnny into the kitchen and promptly took their seats at the table. Jeanette set out a plate of cookies and gave the boys each a glass of milk. She then set about pouring coffee for the rest of them.

“Well, boys,” Ben said, turning to the identical faces that were currently crammed full of cookies, “Did you help Joe out in the barn?”

Johnny made an attempt at an answer, spewing cookie bits all over the table.

“Johnny, swallow first, dear.” Jeanette reprimanded.

“Thorry…” Johnny said, swallowing hard and wiped his mouth on his bare arm before beginning again. “We helped a lot.”

“Shore did!” Benny piped up, an entire cookie stuffed into one cheek so he could speak. “But there wasn’t that much to do…”

Ben suppressed the urge to laugh at seeing the look on Joe’s face. He knew what it was like trying to get work done with Benny’s “help.” Add another Benny to that mix and it could be near maddening! It would be a wonder if Joe had gotten anything done at all.

“Now boys,” Jeanette spoke up again, “when you get finished, I want you to go up and lay out your nice clothes. You’ll be wearing them tomorrow.”

“Aw… what for, Aunt Jeanette?” Johnny whined wrinkling his nose.

“We’re going into town to see Doc Ford tomorrow,” she explained, taking a sip of her coffee.

“But Mama can’t go nowhere – why don’t he just come here to see her like he’s been doin’?”

Jeanette gave him a stern look. “Just do as I ask, please.”

Johnny shrugged and shoved another cookie in his mouth. Cheeks filled to capacity, he turned to Benny. “You ready?”

Benny nodded and hopped down from his chair before turning back to Jeanette.

“Aunt Jeanette? Where is Doc Ford’s office at?”

Jeanette dabbed at her mouth with a napkin. “Not far, Benny – just in town.”

“In town – New Orleans?” Benny asked quietly.

“Yes, why?”

Benny frowned, backing slowly toward his father. Ben put his arm around his son and could feel his trembling. He looked down at him, questioning.

“Pa, I don’t wanna go… I don’t like that place…”

******

“Genevieve hadn’t told me he’d been that upset over it. I’d had to spend that first day or two in town to see what I could do to help out.” Jeanette sat on the sofa, mending the sleeve of one of the boys’ shirts. Johnny lay beside her, his head on her lap and one arm hanging haphazardly over the edge of the cushions. “By the time I got here to the farm, Benny didn’t seem to be bothered by it anymore. I should have known – of course he’d be scared.”

Ben looked at Johnny, half listening to the woman as she spoke. It was truly remarkable, the resemblance. He still couldn’t bring himself to believe this child before him was real – and really his. He smiled inwardly at the foolishness of his fainting spell earlier that afternoon. It had been quite a shock, though. Twins. He blinked hard in bewilderment at this strange turn of events.

At length, he shook the thought from his mind and turned his attention back to the conversation at hand. Jeanette and Joe had apparently given up on Ben’s participation in the dialogue, and that suited Ben just fine. He was content to just sit and listen.

“There was hardly anybody in New Orleans when Pa and I came through this morning.”

Jeanette nodded, “Yes, some left when they realized New Orleans was going to fall into Union hands – Some left out of fear and others left to go join the ranks of other Confederate regiments. Many were left with nothing after the Union soldiers came through.”

“How is it that you and Genevieve didn’t leave?”

“Two women with small two small children traveling through this area of the south isn’t the smartest thing to do at the moment. Plus, Genevieve took ill again just after we arrived home… Besides,” Jeanette smiled wryly, “I have certain… connections… among a few of the higher ranking Union officers. They’re content to let us alone – especially with us being way out here…”

Ben allowed their voices to drift to the background again and let the rhythm of the rain pattering against the window take center stage. It seemed to drone sleepily on, like a relaxing percussive lullaby. Soon he found himself having to put forth a good deal of effort to keep his eyes open. He looked down at the boy in his lap. Benny had been overly clingy since finding out about the coming trip to New Orleans. Supper had been a rather dismal affair as Ben had had to get rather stern with the boy – insisting that he sit in his own chair at the table to eat his meal, and not in Ben’s lap. Afterward, they’d all retreated to the living room where Benny had once again sought refuge in Ben’s arms.

After the children had fallen asleep, Jeanette explained how Doc Ford had finally been able to find and bring back the doctor from Georgia. Apparently, he was now a surgeon for the Confederate Army and was granted leave just long enough for the quick trip to New Orleans. It had proven to be a bit of a chore sneaking him into the city without the knowledge of the Union soldiers.

Ben felt a pang of fear in his stomach at what news the doctor might give them. He honestly didn’t know what he would do if anything ever happened to Benny. He rubbed his large hand on the boy’s back as he breathed a silent prayer.

“…right, Pa? …. Pa?”

Ben gave such a start that he wondered for a moment if he might have dozed off.

“What’s that?”

“I said, Doc Martin’s seen Benny a hundred times – he would have caught it if there was something wrong, right?”

Ben shifted uncomfortably at the piercing stare of the green eyes before him. Joe had a look of worried hope on his face.

Ben cleared his throat and offered a rather hollow smile. “Doc Martin is a very good doctor, son.” He held his breath, hoping Joe would accept the vague answer.

Ben’s eyes traveled to Jeanette. “And stop worrying, he’ll do fine tomorrow.”

“Ben, I just keep remembering what it was like when we arrived in New Orleans… no wonder he’s terrified.”

“Jeanette, if that’s where the doctor he needs to see is, then he’s going to have to go – whether he likes it or not.”

She gave a slight nod, though his words hadn’t seemed to ease her worry much.

Joe stood, stretching sleepily. “You want me to take him upstairs and put him in bed, Pa?”

Ben nodded, handing the sleeping child over. Benny stirred slightly but then, apparently recognizing the new arms that held him, allowed himself to fall back to sleep.

“Yes,” Jeanette agreed, “It’s past time for this one, too.”

She laid aside her sewing and reached down to lift Johnny.

“Uh… here… how about I…” Ben began uncomfortably. This was his son, after all. It seemed strange to not offer to put him to bed.

“Oh…” Jeanette looked up, suddenly understanding. “Yes, of course… first door on the left – next to Genevieve’s.”

Ben nodded as he crossed the room to collect the boy into his arms. As he turned to mount the stairs, a grin spread over his face. This will definitely take some getting used to!

*****

Joe sat back in his chair, trying not to worry about what the doctors might be discovering about his little brother in the next room. He glanced at the clock on the wall. It had already been twenty minutes since his father and Jeanette had taken Benny back to the examining room to see Dr. Ford and Dr. Smith.

Suddenly, there was a loud thud, followed by a quiet announcement of “whoops.”

“I told you to leave that alone, Johnny,” Joe said, exasperated. He reached across the six-year-old to apprehend the medical book the boy had dropped on the floor.

Johnny gave a loud and bored sigh as he turned to sit back down. Joe rolled his eyes and replaced the book back on the desk, trying to make it look as if nothing had been touched.

“What’s this?”

Joe cringed, not seeing and yet knowing the child had picked something else up – and with his luck, it would be something of great expense. He turned to find Johnny standing in front of a medical bag, instruments spread all around. How in the world did he make such a mess so quickly? Joe’s eyes widened in panic, as he realized the boy was inquiring about a sharp scalpel he held in his hand.

“Johnny!”

The boy started at the volume of Joe’s voice causing his hand to let loose of the instrument. It fell to the floor with a clang, but not before nicking his hand.

Both froze in their tracks. Johnny stared at the cut on his hand in shock, while Joe prepared for what he knew would be forthcoming. A moment later piercing scream filled the room. Joe lunged forward, kneeling on the ground in front of him.

“No, no…p-please don’t do that… it’s alright….shh…”  Joe held a finger to his lips as he glanced over his shoulder to see if anyone had heard the boy.

“You scared me!” The boy accused through teary sobs.

“Yeah – I know, I’m sorry – just… just… stop crying… look, it’s not a bad cut…”

Joe pleaded with the boy to stop crying, but to no avail. Johnny’s howling only got louder. Joe winced, knowing that any second everyone would come in from the examination room to see what all of the ruckus was about. He didn’t relish the idea of having to tell them he couldn’t handle one little boy by himself for a few minutes.

He took out a handkerchief from his back pocket and tied it around Johnny’s hand.

“Alright now…” he said quietly, picking the child up and giving him a few comforting pats on the back. “That’s why I told you not to touch anything…see?”

Joe could feel the boy’s head nod in between whimpers.

“Alright let’s sit down and have another look at that hand.”

*****

Benny sat on the examining table, legs dangling far above the floor. Ben stood in the corner of the room as he watched Dr. Smith poke and prod at his son. He had to admit he was a little surprised that Benny was sitting so calmly by himself. From the time they had entered New Orleans, Benny had insisted on being held and hiding his face in his father’s vest.

“Alright Benny,” Dr. Smith said, giving the boy a pat on the knee, “I want you to walk around the room now and then come back and let me listen to your heart again.”

Benny gave a questioning glance toward Ben, then hopped off the table and did as he was instructed. The doctor pressed his stethoscope to the boy’s ribcage then jotted down some things on a piece of paper. He turned back to Benny and tapped on his chest in various places as he listened again. He scribbled a few more notes then looked at them curiously as he scratched his head.

“Dr. Ford… I see nothing in the world wrong with this child.”

Silence hung in the air for several moments as everyone wondered if they’d just heard him correctly.

Dr. Ford grabbed the stethoscope from the other man’s hand. He listened for several seconds, mouth gaping open.

“This… this just isn’t possible…” He turned around to face Jeanette, “…There’s no way this is the same child I examined six years ago…”

Ben released the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding as he offered up a silent prayer of thanksgiving. He looked at Jeanette. The expression of confusion on her face seemed to mirror the look on his own.

“I assure you it is… I would know,” she answered dryly.

“Look,” Dr. Smith began with a scowl, “I came from my post during a time of war to see to a desperately ill child…”

“I swear to you!” Dr. Ford interrupted, “This child should not even be alive now! I remember holding him in my arms and examining him as an infant – this is nothing short of a…a…” he paused searching for the right word. “…a miracle,” he finished quietly, as though he wasn’t sure he entirely believed in the word.

*****

“I’d like to thank you again, Dr. Smith…” Ben began, but before he could completely offer his thanks, the doctor brushed past him in a huff, muttering something about “foolish shenanigans” and “don’t they know there’s a war on.”

Shrugging at the man’s comment, Ben took hold of Benny’s hand and followed Jeanette and the doctors out of the examining room. When they entered the main office area, Benny wriggled his hand free from his father’s and ran to Joe. He stopped a few steps short, staring in disgust.

“What are you doing?” Benny asked, rather demandingly.

Joe gave him a little wink, ignoring his brother’s rude tone. “Well, waiting for you, of course.”

“No,” Benny pointed to Johnny, who had made himself comfortable in Joe’s lap and was currently nursing his still throbbing hand. “I mean you.”

Chapter 27 – Something Fishy Going On

In the days that followed their visit with the doctors, everyone on the Richardson farm seemed to settle into some semblance of a routine. In the mornings, Ben would take Benny and Johnny to visit with Genevieve while Jeanette busied herself in the kitchen preparing breakfast. Joe would use that time to do various chores that were nearly impossible to do with children underfoot.

After breakfast the boys had chores to do, while Jeanette tended to Genevieve and Ben and Joe did what they could with the tobacco fields behind the house – knowing very little about farming, there was very little they could do.  Everyone would reunite for lunch in Genevieve’s room. She seemed to benefit greatly from these interactions with the household, in spite of the obvious tension between her and Ben. When lunch was concluded the boys were free to go play until suppertime. After supper, Ben took the boys back up to Genevieve and then on to bed.

Since their arrival a few weeks earlier, Genevieve’s health had not seemed to get any worse. Though, it certainly had not gotten any better. She would wake up several times a night, unable to breathe well or with horrible chest pains. A few times she had not eaten much or had refused a meal altogether. Ben often found himself wondering when and how he should tell the boys that she was dying. As it turned out, Johnny brought the subject up, relieving Ben of the uncomfortable duty of approaching the morbid topic.

Ben had taken the boys to the creek for an afternoon of fishing. They sat on a grassy ledge that hung over the water and he listened as the boys chattered on and asked question upon endless question. Ben would patiently answer each inquiry, at the same time reminding them to keep their hooks in the water and to be sure not to drop their poles.

“How come you live on the Ponner-dosa?” Johnny began, squinting against the sun as he looked up at Ben.

“Well,” Ben shrugged slightly, “That’s just where our ranch is… the Ponderosa.”

“And Benny lived there all’a his life?”

Ben nodded and fervently wanted to add, “that is until he was taken away,” but didn’t.

“An’ I have a horse named Ol’ Blue and a dog named Chief!” Benny added excitedly, nearly dropping his pole into the water.

Johnny stared at the water for a few moments then looked at Ben again.

“Benny and me are brothers…”

Ben nodded, pulling his hook out of the water to outfit it with another worm to replace the one that had been nibbled off.

“An’ Joe’s Benny’s brother too…” Ben nodded again, “… so is Joe my brother?”

Ben took a deep breath, knowing where the boy was heading with this. He kept his eyes fixed on the water ahead of them and tossed his hook out again.

“Yes, Joe is your brother – and so are Adam and Hoss,” he explained, quite sure the latter two names meant nothing to the six-year-old as he’d never met them before.

“An’ you’re my Pa…” Johnny kept his eyes focused on Ben, who nodded again. “…so… how come you live on the Pod – Podder-nosa?” He repeated his question from before, crinkling his nose in confusion.

Ben pursed his lips, searching for the right words. He was painfully aware of both boys’ eyes fixed upon him.

“Well, Johnny, it’s… it’s a bit complicated, really…” Ben fumbled the words out. At length, he turned and with a forced smile, ruffled the boy’s hair. “All that really matters now is that we’re all together. As we should be.”

Johnny nodded, apparently accepting the answer. Just then Benny’s pole bobbed up and down a few times.

“Benny, you caught one!”

In no time all of them were on their feet helping Benny pull in his fish. And for several moments it was all tugging and whooping and splashing and giggling. At last, the fish was ashore and Benny, completely soaked, held it up proudly.

“Pa, can I take it to Aunt Jeanette?” He asked.

“Well, Benny, don’t you want to wait and see if we catch some more? We can take them all back at the same time…” Ben explained, smiling at his son’s impatience.

“Oh please, Pa. I can also show Joe while I’m there.”

“Oh, all right, you remember how to get back, right?”

Benny nodded and, without another word, took off running toward the house.

Ben shook his head and gave a little chuckle as he turned back to his fishing spot. Johnny had already sat down and tossed his hook back out into the water. Ben cleared his throat uncomfortably as he looked around. He and Johnny hadn’t really been alone until this moment. He settled himself on the grass once again and resolved to take advantage of this opportunity.

“So, Johnny… where were we?”

*****

“I tell ya, Adam, all those cattle drives we been on I always thought I’d pay an arm an’ a leg to not have to travel that far on horseback,” Hoss commented as he stretched his aching muscles, “… but a week by train and another week by stage has just given me a whole new ‘preciation for keepin’ my back side in ol’ Chubb’s saddle!”

Adam grinned and pointed to Hoss’s stomach. “Yeah, well I think Chubb might disagree with you on that, BIG Brother!”

Hoss laughed, scratching his head, “Well, you might be right at that!”

Hoss shifted in the saddle to a more comfortable position. The horses they had rented to get from New Orleans to the Marceau estate weren’t animals that he’d have paid a wooden nickel for if they hadn’t been in such a hurry. As it were, they found themselves willing to take anything with four legs and a pulse. He shifted again, certain that the saddles here were made a good deal smaller than those back home. Even so, he didn’t dwell on the thought; he was just happy to be out of the stuffy confines of the train and off the bumpy, dusty stage.

“Hey look,” Adam said as he pointed to a farmhouse in the distance, “that must be it.”

The two kicked their horses into a lope, both feeling a pang of excitement at the coming surprise reunion. As they neared the house, an overalled figure came into view: a boy, running toward the house, carrying a fish on a bit of fishing line.

“Benny!!” Hoss shouted, kicking his horse to move a little faster. “Hey, Adam, it’s Benny!”

Soon, they were in the front yard and off their horses. Benny stood frozen in his tracks, staring with a look of astonishment on his face. A moment later his fish was falling to the ground and he was rushing toward them.

“Hoss! Adam!”

Both took their turn pulling their youngest brother into a warm embrace.

“How did ya’ll get here?” Benny asked when at last the hugs and kisses had ended.

“Well, now that’s a silly question,” Adam, who was holding Benny, offered Hoss a sly wink. “You just saw us ride up, didn’t you?”

“You rode here all the way from the Ponderosa?!” Benny’s mouth gaped open at the thought.

“Well, not exactly… I made Hoss carry me for most of the trip, but he threw a shoe, so we had to get some real horses.”

Benny regarded his brothers skeptically, trying to decide if Adam was teasing. When his brothers broke into laughter, he decided they were, in fact, joking. And it was a good thing because, in Benny’s thinking, they would have looked entirely silly gallivanting across the country piggy-back.

“Hey, I see ya caught ya a fish…” Hoss crossed the yard, to retrieve the fish from the dirt. He let out a whistle and held it up for Adam to see. “Will ya look at the size of that thing!”

Benny grinned broadly and then gasped suddenly. “Oh yeah! I was ‘posed to take that in to Aunt Jeanette!”

Benny jumped from Adam’s arms and confiscated the fish from Hoss. He ran a few steps toward the house then turned back slowly to his brothers, a look of worry washing over his face.

Hoss stepped forwarded and gave the boy’s shoulder an understanding squeeze. “It’s alright, we ain’t goin’ no where. We’re gonna put our horses up and we’ll be in directly.”

He flashed them a toothy grin then took off running into the house.

The two men stood there for several seconds, silently staring after him.

“He’s grown…” Hoss said at last, a hint of sadness in his voice.

Adam nodded then clapped his brother on the back. “Let’s go put the horses up.”

*****

“Will I ever get to go to the Ponna-doser?” Johnny asked. He held his fishing hook in one hand and a worm in the other. He fumbled with the two for a while until at last he managed to get the worm on the hook. He tossed the line into the water and looked up at Ben.

“Sure, you will, Johnny, and you’ll learn to ride a horse and be a real rancher,” Ben said with a wink.

“But when?”

The smile disappeared from Ben’s face. “Soon, Johnny…soon.”  But felt a lump rise in his throat.

“You mean when Mama goes to heaven?” Johnny looked back up at Ben, his face serious.

Ben’s heart sank. “Yes, Johnny – when your mama goes…” he trailed off, his throat constricting. “Yes…”

“So…” Johnny began slowly, “… can I call you ‘Pa’ like Benny and Joe do?”

Ben smiled, the pain in his heart subsiding. He knew the question would come up sooner or later. These past weeks the boy had managed to get by without calling him anything.

“I think I’d like that, Johnny,” Ben said, ruffling the boy’s hair.

“Can I really? I never got to call no one that before…”

Ben frowned. If he’d done what he wanted, he would have gathered the boy in his arms and told him how sorry he was; that if he’d known about him, he would have gone to the ends of the earth to find him and be there for every minute of his life; that he’d have been there to hear every word, see every accomplishment and dry every tear. But he did not have his way, and it would do no good to tell the boy right now about the circumstances that had made his life what it was.

“…Mr. Richardson didn’t want me to call him nothin’ like that…”

Ben wished now that he’d let Genevieve explain her recent marriage when she’d tried to a few weeks ago. From what he’d gathered in passing comments from Jeanette and Johnny, Richardson had joined the Confederate Army. What’s more is he’d taken the few slaves he owned with him to join the fight. Ben had to wonder at a man who would leave his sick wife and son (even a stepson) with no help.

“Was Mr. Richardson…” Ben began, trying to keep his temper even, “…was he good to you?”

Johnny shrugged at the question. “He didn’t really like me to talk to him none…”

Suddenly there was a great splashing in the water.

“I caught one!!” Johnny was already pulling the line in before Ben realized what was happening.

“Can I take mine up to the house and show Aunt Jeanette too?!” he asked, his eyes full of excitement.

Ben gave a deep laugh, “Sure – and find out what’s happened to Benny, he’s had time to get there and back by now.”

He watched the boy run off, fish still flopping on the end of his line. He had a sneaking suspicion the boys weren’t coming back. If he knew Jeanette, she would be taking the opportunity to spoil them with cookies or something of that sort. He leaned back and decided that he might rather enjoy the alone time. Besides, the two fish the boys had caught would hardly feed the household. So, in his thinking, someone had to stay and catch supper!

*****

“Now, I ask you Hoss, did you ever see such a workin’ fool?”

“Well, I must say, that workin’ fool looks a might familiar, don’t ya think?”

Joe froze in mid-swing of his pitchfork at the familiar voices. He turned, a grin spreading across his face.

“Adam! Hoss! What in the world are you two doing here?!” He dropped the tool and crossed the barn to give them each a hearty handshake.

Adam shrugged playfully, “Oh, all the cows ran off and the hands got drunk, so we just decided to take ourselves a little vacation.”

Hoss’s laughter thundered through the barn, sending a few nearby chickens scattering.

Joe’s grin deepened, he’d missed that laugh. “Well, you just laugh now, but when Pa finds out you two are here and no one’s back at the Ponderosa well…” He clucked his tongue a few times at them.

“So, how is Pa doing?” Adam asked quietly, his face sobering.

Joe’s smile faded quickly. “He’s alright I suppose. I think he’s having a really hard time dealing with the idea that Genevieve is dying…”

Joe saw the look of shock in his brothers’ eyes and remembered they hadn’t known about Genevieve’s illness.

“Dying…?” Hoss echoed in disbelief.

Joe nodded. “Pa’s pretty upset with her about all the stuff that she did, but I think… well…”  Joe lowered his head sadly.

Adam put a comforting hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Joe, it’s not exactly a secret that Pa still loves her – even if he is mad at her.”

“Adam’s right Little Joe,” Hoss said, his voice even, “Everybody knows how he still feels ‘bout her. Don’t mean it makes no sense, but we gotta respect it. A man cain’t help who he loves, I reckon.”

Joe nodded. His brothers apparently thought he didn’t want his father to love Genevieve. And, for the time being, he was fine allowing them to think that. In truth, however, he was concerned about their father having to go through losing another love. Three times was unthinkable for any man. But four? Why couldn’t she just get better, and everything go back to being the way it was before she had left them?

Adam gave Joe’s shoulder a little shake. “Come on, let’s get these horses put away so we can go find Pa. We might as well take our beating and get it over with, right?” He offered a smile and a wink then turned to unsaddle his horse.

*****

Johnny held his fish proudly as he trotted into the yard, wet overalls clinging to his body. He had just passed the barn on his way to the house when he heard voices. Curious, he decided to take a detour to go investigate. He peered into the barn. Joe was leaning against a stall conversing with two men who were unsaddling horses. One of the men, dressed all in black, was talking – something about an uncomfortable train ride. The other man, Johnny determined, was the biggest man he’d ever seen. He looked back at Joe, noting the smile on his face, and decided these must be welcome visitors. Lately – since the war had started – it seemed like most visitors were not welcome. He didn’t know what made these strangers different from anyone else, but he liked Joe and knew he could trust him. So, he walked in, holding up his fish with a large grin on his face.

“Well look at that!” Joe exclaimed at his entrance.

“I just caught it – ain’t it a big one Joe?” Johnny said proudly.

“Sure is!”

Johnny noted the two men approaching him with looks of curiosity on their faces. The big one scratched his head while the one in black put his hands on his hips.

“Ain’t you gone to give that to Jeanette yet?” the big one asked.

Johnny shrugged, not seeing what the big hurry was to take the fish to his aunt. He looked back at Joe, questioning. Joe seemed to be trying not to laugh – at what he wasn’t sure. Grown-ups were certainly a strange sort, he decided. He dismissed the thought and turned to leave.

“Oh hey,” Joe called after him, “why don’t you bring out a couple of glasses of lemonade, they’ve been riding hard all day.” Joe motioned to the strangers who had now gone back to tending their horses.

Johnny nodded and left the barn.

*****

Benny shoved the last of a cookie into his mouth as he recanted the story of how he’d caught his fish to his aunt. He was interrupted by the sound of the kitchen door opening.

“Johnny! You caught one too!” Benny hopped from his chair to go see his brother’s fish. The two chattered excitedly about it until Jeanette apprehended the fish to go clean it.

“There’s some men in the barn with Joe…” Johnny said.

Benny’s eyes widened with excitement. “Oh yeah!!” Without another word, he was out the door.

*****

Hoss yawned as he led his horse into an empty stall. A nap sure sounded good after that long ride. He sighed in disappointment. There likely wouldn’t be time for a nap. He had a feeling their discussion with Pa would wind up being a lengthy one. He yawned again, deciding that a cup of strong coffee might be in order to help get him through the day.

“I should probably go tell Jeanette you two are here. She’d have my head if she didn’t know to make enough food for supper.”

Hoss nodded and gave a slight wave to Joe. “Yeah, we’ll be in directly – just gotta feed and water the horses.”

He gathered an armful of hay and tossed it into the feeding trough. Turning, he saw Benny coming in.

“Hey, little man, what’cha doin?”

Benny ran up to him, giggling, and practically leapt into his arms. Hoss’s heart melted as the boy laid his head on his shoulder. It was nice to know that some things hadn’t changed – Benny was still as affectionate as ever.

Adam emerged from the corner of the barn, having just put his own horse away. He poked Benny in the side, making the boy double over with laughter. “Hey, where’s that lemonade you promised us?”

Benny raised his head, a look of confusion on his face.

“Huh?”

“Oh, hey,” Hoss said, changing the subject excitedly, “we brung ya somethin’!”

Hoss set Benny on the ground and retrieved his saddlebag from where it hung on a stall gate. He reached in and pulled out a small cloth bag. He handed it to Benny, who opened it with a gasp.

“Marbles! Thanks Hoss!!”

Adam grinned and cleared his throat loudly.

“You too Adam!” He clutched the sack of marble in his fist as he ran over to give Adam a hug.

Adam picked the boy up and threw him over his shoulder and gave his backside a few firm pats. “That’ll teach you to forget me!” He lowered the squirming and giggling Benny to his waist. “Now don’t you lose those, okay?”

Benny nodded, promising to take “real good care of them.”

Adam lowered him to the ground and ruffled his hair. “After dinner I’ll show you how to play, okay?”

“Oh boy! I’m gonna take’em inside and look at’em!”

With that, Benny was out the door, leaving his brothers alone in the barn.

Hoss looked around. “Well, are we ‘bout done in here?”

Adam nodded. “Let’s get on in the house and find that lemonade for ourselves.”

“Sounds good,” Hoss laughed as they headed for the door.

*****

Adam and Hoss walked sheepishly into the house. No one had answered their knock at the door. Walking through the living room, they heard voices coming from the back of the house. They took their hats off as they entered the kitchen.

“Adam! Hoss!” Jeanette greeted them warmly.

“Sorry – em – we knocked, but no one answered, so we just came in…” Adam explained.

“Oh, you ought to know better than that!” She laughed, rolling her eyes at his formality. “I’ve just been giving the boys some cookies, would you two care for some? – With coffee for the adults, of course, not milk.” She didn’t wait for their answers. Instead, she busied herself setting two more places at the table.

Hoss and Adam looked at each other apprehensively then sat at the table with their brothers. Joe sat across from them with what looked to them to be a very sneaky grin on his face.

Adam turned his attention to the six-year-old sitting next to him. “I thought you were gonna go play with your marbles…”

Johnny looked up at Adam, furrowing his brow. He shot a questioning glance at Joe who answered with a muffled laugh and a shrug.

“Huh? I ain’t got no marbles,” he said crinkling his nose.

“You didn’t lose’em already did ya? After what Adam done told ya ‘bout keepin’ up with’em?” Hoss’s voice held a hint of scolding.

Johnny bowed his back stubbornly at the accusation. “He didn’t say nuthin’ – an’ I ain’t never had no marbles! But I think you done lost yers all right!”

“Young man, that will be quite enough from you!” Jeanette wagged a finger in the boy’s face. “You may go to your room!”

Joe, still grinning, stood. “I’ll take him up, Jeanette,” he offered.

As they left, Johnny mumbled something about “it’s just not fair” while Joe let out a rather shrill giggle.

“Now what do you suppose that was all about?” Adam asked, his face reflecting his concern.

Jeanette shrugged, “Oh, he’s all right – he just has to get used to ya’ll.”

The men looked at her in disbelief. Get used to them? Where did she think Benny had been for the first six years of his life? They were just about to voice their concern when the kitchen door opened again. Benny walked in, holding a bright blue marble between his thumb and index finger.

“Look at this one!!” he announced to no one in particular.

“Now, what’s this?” Jeanette greeted him with a smile. Hoss and Adam looked on in complete shock.

“Adam and Hoss gave me a whole big ol’ bag of’em. This one’s my favorite.”

“As well it should be!” She admired the marble in his hand. “Now, go put them away and get me some firewood, please.”

Benny nodded and left to do as he had been told.

Adam and Hoss continued to stare at Jeanette, mouths now gaping open. She’d just sent the boy to his room, and now it was perfectly fine for him to come trapsing in here as though he hadn’t just been in trouble? A second time they opened their mouths to question her, and a second time they were interrupted by the opening of the kitchen door. Joe entered, leading Johnny by the hand.

“Go ahead,” Joe prompted the boy.

“M’sorry…” He directed the mumbled apology toward Adam and Hoss.

Hoss and Adam smiled, accepting the apology for his strange outburst earlier. Adam held out his arms to the boy. Johnny stared at him sheepishly. Adam leaned forward and pulled Johnny onto his lap.

“You expectin’ someone else?” Johnny asked, legs dangling above the floor.

Adam shrugged. “No, why?”

“I’as just wonderin’ why we’as sittin’ like this.” He pointed to the other empty seats around.

“That’s it!” Hoss stood up and pulled the boy from Adam. “Somethin’s goin’ on here – you feelin’ all right?” Hoss put a hand on the child’s forehead.

“I’m fine – are you feelin’ alright,” Johnny asked skeptically.

Hoss looked at Adam and frowned then looked up at Jeanette, who stared at him peculiarly. Suddenly feeling a little self-conscious and thoroughly confused, he put the boy down and patted him on the head.

Johnny skipped back over to Joe and pronounced himself ready to go back to the creek to fish. Joe took the boy’s hand and led him from the kitchen, but not before flashing his brothers another sly grin.

“Somethin’ funny’s goin’ on,” Hoss whispered, “An’ I gotta hunch Little Joe’s at the center of it.” Adam nodded in agreement.

*****

Ben inspected the string of fish he’d managed to catch. That should just about do it, he thought proudly. He gathered the fishing poles and, resting them on his shoulder, he set off toward the house. He took his time, enjoying the cool breeze that brought some relief from the hot summer sun.

He had just reached the road that led to the house when he saw Benny – or was it Johnny? – half skipping, half running toward him. As the boy neared, Ben recognized it to be Johnny. Telling them apart had gotten easier over the last two weeks as he’d noticed the differences in their appearance, personality, and mannerisms.

“Hi Johnny,” Ben greeted him with a smile, “I was beginning to think you two weren’t coming back.”

“Hey! Look at all them fish you caught!” Johnny said in awe.

“We’d better hurry and get these to your aunt if we’re going to have them for supper.”

Ben handed the fish off to the boy and smiled as he felt Johnny’s hand slip into his own. The two walked silently for a good ways. Ben allowed his thoughts to drift aimlessly from one thing to another. It was such a lazy summer day – what with the gentle breeze and the fishing and nothing that really needed doing right away. The locusts were trilling in the trees and the air held the faintest scent of honeysuckle. A lazy day was a welcome break from the stress of the last few months. He could think about anything or nothing at all, if he had a mind to. And at the moment, the latter was what suited him just fine.

“There’s some men at the house…” Johnny commented, pulling Ben from his non-thoughts.

Ben cocked his head in concern. “Men? What men?”

“I dunno, one’s dressed in all black and the other’s a great big fella.” Johnny shrugged, unconcerned. “They’re kinda a strange sort. I think they might be crazy,” he ended matter-of-factly.

Ben mulled over Johnny’s description of the men, his mind forming the image of two very familiar people.

“…couldn’t be…” he muttered and picked up his pace, fairly dragging Johnny behind him.

*****

“Dadburnit, Joe, answer me!” Hoss’s eyebrows were lowered evenly over his eyes as he yelled at his brother.

“I did answer you!” Joe said, his voice taking on a rather shrill timbre as he defended himself.

Adam looked at him skeptically, running a hand over his chin. “You mean to tell me you didn’t notice anything strange about Benny’s behavior?”

“Yes, that is exactly what I’m saying!” Joe crossed his arms in front of his chest, giving them a sly grin.

“Well, we noticed it dadgummit and we wanna know what’s the matter with’im! And by-golly Joe, I think you know somethin’ about it. Now ya better start talkin’!” Hoss reached out and snatched Joe up by the shirt collar. He was halted by Adam’s hand on his arm.

“Now Hoss… If Little Brother here says there’s nothing wrong with Benny, well…”

Hoss looked incredulously at Adam. Surely he could see Joe was not telling them the whole truth. The little scamp had that look on his face that he always got when he had something up his sleeve.

While Hoss was side-tracked by Adam’s comment, Joe took the opportunity to squirm out of his brother’s grip. He moved quickly to stand behind Adam, deciding his oldest brother was his best bet for protection at the moment.

“H-H-Hoss, I said there’s nothing in the world wrong with Benny… a-a-and that’s the truth!”

Adam offered a rather fake smile to Joe, smoothing out the wrinkles in his shirt where Hoss had taken hold of him. “Of course, Joe… we believe you…” He patted Joe on the head as though he were a little kid again. “Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re going to go find Pa…”

Hoss followed Adam out of the house, staring at him in disbelief.

“Adam!”

Adam rolled his eyes and sighed in exasperation. “Hoss, he’s obviously trying to pull something over on us. We just have to figure out how to beat him at his own game… But first we gotta find Pa.”

A grin spread across Hoss’s face. For as much as he was worried about Benny – and was irritated at Joe – it was nice to see that life still had some degree of normalcy. For as long as he could remember Joe’s mission in life had been to try and pull a fast one on their older brother. Likewise, Adam almost always succeeded in proving the task impossible. Hoss couldn’t remember the last time his brothers had gone through this little ritual, but he’d certainly missed it. Perhaps life would be able to get back to normal after all. Hoss picked up his pace, his heart feeling a little lighter. God bless that deceitful younger brother of theirs!

*****

Adam and Hoss had barely reached the dusty road that led from the Marceau home when they saw two familiar figures coming towards them.

“Hey, there’s Pa,” Hoss commented a tad nervously.

Adam nodded, slowing his pace then finally coming to a complete halt. He frowned. Their father looked a bit irritated. And with their little brother walking alongside of him, that could only mean that Pa already knew they were there.

It might have been a funny sight – their father walking swiftly with long, purposeful strides and their little brother being half dragged by the hand, his little legs running to keep up – were it not for the expression on their father’s face. As the pair approached them, they could hear a small voice whining, “Pa, I can’t go that fast…”

“Hi Pa!” Adam offered, a little overly cheery.

Hoss smiled and waved, trying desperately to act as casual as possible. The scowl on their Pa’s face made it nearly impossible, though.

Ben stopped a few paces away from them. Johnny, glad to finally have a rest, was panting from their brisk run-walk.

“Now…” Adam laughed uncomfortably, “you’re probably wondering what we’re doing here…”

Ben said nothing, he simply cocked his head slightly, waiting for one of them to explain.

“Well, ya see…” Adam began then turned to Hoss with a frown, suddenly wondering why he was volunteering to do the explaining. He gave Hoss’s arm a slap with the back of his hand. “This was all your idea – you tell him!”

*****

Joe looked out the window at the front of the house. He could see his brothers talking with their father. It seemed to be going well. Perhaps Pa wasn’t as angry with Adam and Hoss as they thought he might be.  He smiled, thinking of how they would react when they found out about Johnny. His grin gave way to a giggle as he remembered the last hour and the confusion his “poor” older brothers had been put through. He hadn’t intended for any of that to happen – it just did. And once it did, he found it rather amusing to stand by and watch them grow increasingly flustered. Of course, he’d done nothing to straighten things out for them.

He was kneeling on the sofa, elbows resting on the back with one hand drawing the curtain to one side. He nearly fell off when a tiny finger poking at his back startled him.

“What’cha doin’ Joe?”

“Don’t you know not to sneak up on someone like that?” Joe scolded, more out of embarrassment than anger.

Benny’s eyes grew wide and a little teary. “M’sorry, Joe – I didn’t mean nuthin’…”

Joe stood, giving his brother a nudge. “Hey, how about we go see Pa and Adam and Hoss, huh?”

Joe tossed his brother over his shoulder like a bag of feed, extracting a giggle from Benny. “And while we’re at it, we’ll give Adam and Hoss the surprise of their life…”

“Let’s hope they take it better’n Pa did!”

Benny laughed, his body still halved over Joe’s shoulder.

“They sure thought I’as crazy!” he said with a giggle.

Joe stopped suddenly. “Why you little…” Joe lowered the boy to his waist and looked him square in the eye. “…You knew all along?”

Benny grinned, “Did you see the looks on their faces?”

The two broke out into laughter. When they finally got control of themselves, Joe set his brother on the ground and led him to the door. “I see I taught you well…”

Chapter 28 – The Green-eyed MonsterBen leaned back in his chair at the dinner table, feeling contentedly full. He looked around at the seven people crowded around the small table and almost laughed. He’d been irritated earlier when he found out that Adam and Hoss had gone against his wishes by coming to New Orleans, but he couldn’t really blame them. He looked at Benny and mused at a six-year-old’s ability to completely capture the hearts of three such “manly” men. He was the center of their world and that suited Benny just fine.

Ben caught Hoss and Adam stealing another glance at Johnny, as they’d done periodically throughout the meal. He smiled inwardly at how they’d reacted when they’d heard the news. Adam, who was known for his even keel in all circumstances, had stood staring at the boys with his mouth gaping open. It was a good five minutes before he found his voice. Hoss, however, could only laugh – that loud raucous laughter he got when he was really tickled at something. When the initial shock had worn off and the six had begun making their way back to the house, Hoss and Adam saw to it that Joe found his way into the nearest water trough. Ben smirked, almost laughing at the image. They hadn’t told him what Joe had done, but he had a feeling he could make a pretty good guess at it.

Ben gave a long, quiet sigh. This had been a pretty good day – all things considered. He felt like he’d made headway with getting to know Johnny a little better and his whole family had been at last reunited. The only thing that could have made him happier would have been to have them all together on the Ponderosa. His mind turned sadly to the circumstances that delayed their homecoming. Why couldn’t things be as they were supposed to be? Why couldn’t things have turned out differently? He dismissed the thought, unwilling to think on it anymore.

He brought his attention back to the conversation going on at the table before him. It wasn’t so much a conversation really, as it was Benny talking at his brothers. He’d been talking excitedly for a good while now and had hardly touched his food. Ben didn’t really feel like he should scold him for it. He’d gone so long without seeing his brothers and was apparently determined to catch up on the lost time in the span of one short meal.

Johnny leaned toward him and quietly asked, “Are we going up to see Mama after dinner, Pa?” Johnny blushed slightly, still a little shy about referring to Ben as “Pa.”

Ben was just about to answer the boy when he realized Benny had halted his chatter mid-sentence. Benny’s head turned slowly to his twin, his eyes wide in shock.

“What did you call him?”

*****

Ben sat heavily in the wing-back chair next to Genevieve’s bed. Johnny clamored atop the mass of quilts and pillows to be next to her. Ben looked down to find Benny clumsily lifting his father’s heavy, booted foot to lay it across his opposite knee. The boy then disappeared below Ben’s legs and reappeared between his legs.

“Well, you’ve trapped yourself now…” Ben said, crossing his legs more tightly so that the boy couldn’t move.

Benny giggled and squirmed his way free. As Benny turned to crawl up into his lap, Ben noticed Johnny staring at them. The boy was conversing quietly with his mother, but his eyes held fast to his father and brother. Ben sighed inwardly. This was starting to become a bit of a problem. He’d managed to resolve the would-be conflict at dinner, but he knew Benny was not dealing well with having to share his father and brothers. For that matter, he wasn’t sure that Johnny was necessarily willing to share his mother – but hadn’t been nearly as vocal about it. Ben ran a hand over his face, resolving to speak to the boys about it the next day – before things got any worse.

“Something wrong Ben?” Ben’s head lifted quickly at the sound of Genevieve’s voice.

“Hm? – Oh, no…”  He knew she could see right through his lie, but he was too tired to care.

“Adam and Hoss came today!” Benny blurted out excitedly to his mother.

“Did they now?” She smiled at Ben.

Ben answered with a faint smile of his own and a nod, affirming the boy’s statement.

Benny and Johnny went on to explain – it was really more like talking over one another – about how Adam and Hoss had discovered their newest brother. Ben had to laugh at their version – not quite an accurate accounting, but amusing all the same and, no doubt, quite confusing for Genevieve. When they finished the retelling of the day’s events and after a bit of a lull in the conversation, Benny climbed down from Ben’s lap. Retrieving the Bible from the dresser, he presented it to his father.

“Pa, will you read the story again?”

“Alright…” Ben accepted the book, opening it to the end of Genesis. The boys made themselves comfortable on the bed, Genevieve in between them with an arm around each.

In his resonant bass voice, he read the familiar words. He read of Israel’s love for his son Joseph and of Joseph’s brothers selling him into slavery and of all the terrible things that followed and of Joseph being reunited with his father and brothers and forgiving them because God had used their sin to bring about many good things. When the story was concluded, Ben closed the Bible and placed it on the nightstand.

“I just thought of somethin’, Pa…” Benny began, “Wasn’t Joseph’s pa mad at Joseph’s brothers for doin’ what they done to’im?” Benny continued, not waiting for an answer, “…But he didn’t seem like he was mad at’em. Maybe he forgave’em just like Joseph… That seems like a mighty nice thing to do, after what they done…Don’t ya think?”

Ben could feel the color rising in his cheeks and ears. Though he didn’t look at her, he knew Genevieve was watching him, hopeful. He set his jaw stubbornly, his face lowering into a scowl.

“I think it’s time you went to bed,” he said firmly.

“But Pa…”

“I said go to bed.” He didn’t yell, but his tone was not one that allowed for any argument.

Ben turned to look out of the window. The sun had set a good long while ago, but there was still just the faintest trace of light left on the horizon. He heard the boys quietly slip down from the bed and make their way to the door. He turned, his face softening slightly.

“I’ll be there in a minute to tuck you in…”

He turned back to the window and looked out again. In the distance, he could just make out a few boats paddling their way down the Mississippi. He pondered what it might be like to be on one of those boats, making his way to anywhere but here.

He could feel Genevieve continuing to look at him. He knew she wanted him to say something. What’s more, he knew exactly what she wanted him to say. He huffed, turning quickly to leave the room.

“Ben…” Genevieve called after him, a hint of desperation in her voice.

Ben paused, gripping the doorknob tightly. “No, Gen…” With that, he left the room, pulling the door closed behind him.

*****

Ben stepped quietly into the boys’ bedroom. The early morning sun was just beginning to peek through the windows. Two beds stood in front of him, topped with tangled sheets and night-shirted little boys. Johnny was lying on his stomach, one arm and one leg hanging precariously over the edge of the mattress while Benny had somehow managed to maneuver himself so that his head was where his feet should go, and his feet were where his head should go. Ben chuckled softly to himself. In some ways the boys were so different, but in others they were so alike.

Ben walked over to Johnny. He laid a gentle hand on the boy’s back, pausing to feel the soft vibration of his snoring.

“Johnny, time to get up…” Ben whispered, patting his back.

“Huh?” Johnny rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands.

“Come on…” Ben stooped to pick up the pair of overalls that had fallen from the footboard to the floor during the night, then turn to gather Johnny in his arms.

Ben stopped to see that Benny was still sleeping soundly before proceeding out of the room. Johnny rested his head on Ben’s shoulder and immediately went back to snoring again. Ben smiled and patted the child’s back to wake him again.

“Come on now Johnny… wake up… that’s a boy…” He carried the boy into the bedroom that he and his older sons were now sharing (two of them shared the bed and two slept on the floor). He deposited Johnny on the bed and proceeded to take off his nightshirt and dress him in his overalls.

“Are we gonna go see Mama now?” Johnny asked with a yawn.

Ben nodded as he folded the nightshirt neatly and laid it on the end of the bed. “Yes, but first I thought you might like to help me with something.”

Johnny was rubbing his eyes again but stopped suddenly, looking up at Ben curiously. “Me?”

Ben nodded again.

“Just me?”

Ben ruffled the boy’s hair and led him from the room by the hand. “That’s right – just you. We’ll let Benny sleep a little while longer.”

*****

“Would’ja look at that!” Johnny exclaimed when he saw the newborn piglets nestled up against their mother.

“They were born just last night,” Ben explained, “there’s nine of them.”

Johnny was already busy checking Ben’s count. “Wow – that’s a whole mess of little baby pigs!”

Ben nodded with a laugh. “Yes, it is… but you see…” Ben pointed to the piglets, who were now beginning to wake with a powerful hunger in their bellies. “…there’s one too many.”

“What’cha mean?” Johnny looked down to find eight of the piglets helping themselves to a hearty breakfast. “Oh… that little one’s not gettin’ nuthin’ to eat…”

“Right… sometimes that happens…” Ben commented matter-of-factly.

“Well, cain’t we do nuthin’ ‘bout it? I mean we could make’em share or somethin’…”

Ben furrowed his brow curiously, “Hmm… maybe – how do you suppose we do that?”

Johnny thought for a few moments. “Well, maybe we could let half of’em eat first and the other half eat second…”

Ben raised his eyebrows with a smile. “You might be on to something there… Because you know, pigs are awfully expensive, and I’d hate for you to lose one of them because they didn’t want to share… don’t you think?”

Johnny nodded emphatically.

“Well, let’s get to it then.” Ben motioned the boy to follow him into the pig pen.

The two set about the task of separating the piglets into their two feeding groups. Ben took a deep breath and held one of the piglets up for Johnny to see.

“Johnny, come here for a minute…” Johnny placed the last of four piglets into a crate and moved to sit next to Ben.

“Yessir?”

“You know… sometimes people – well, sometimes we can be like these little piglets… sometimes we can be selfish and push other people away… We don’t usually mean to hurt other people, we’re just so busy looking out for ourselves, that we sometimes forget about others…”

Johnny nodded solemnly and Ben continued. “Last night I know you felt a little left out. Benny had no right to talk to you the way he did – and I’ll speak to him about that later. Benny will have to learn how to share his brothers and myself with you from now on. It’ll be hard, but he’ll come around.”

Johnny looked at the piglet in Ben’s hand, avoiding eye contact with his father. Ben paused before proceeding. “…Just like you’ll have to learn to share your Mama…”

Johnny’s head snapped up. There it was. If Ben had ever doubted that Johnny was just as jealous as Benny, he was absolutely sure of it at this moment.

“I know…” Ben put the piglet down and pulled Johnny into his lap, “…you didn’t ask for any of us to come in here and take away your Mama’s attention – or your Aunt Jeanette’s… But believe it or not, Benny didn’t ask to come here either… Sometimes things happen and well… we really don’t get a say in it. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t glad of one thing in all this…”

Johnny looked up at him, questioning. “I’m glad I found you.”  Johnny smiled shyly.

“…And I know your Mama is glad that she got to find Benny too… So now, just like those little piglets, we all have to learn to share.”

Johnny nodded and leaned against his father’s chest. Ben wrapped his arms around the boy, pulling him close. That had gone better than he’d hoped. Now, he just needed to get through to Benny…

*****

Hoss breathed heavily, sweat beading on his brow. He dumped the stack of freshly chopped wood onto the wood stack. He pulled his handkerchief out of his back pocket and wiped his face. He hadn’t been in Louisiana since he was a boy and he’d forgotten about the dadblamed humidity. He looked up at the morning sun. It wasn’t even eight o’clock yet and already he was sweating like a horse. He shoved his handkerchief into his pocket again and bent over to straighten up the pile of wood.

“What’cha doin’?”

The tiny voice came from behind him and gave him such a start, that Hoss dropped one of the larger blocks of wood on his toe.

“Ow!!”  Hoss held his offended toe as he hopped up and down on his other foot.

“Oh gee, I’m sorry, um… uh… what’s yer name again?” Johnny asked, scratching his head.

Hoss winced, putting his foot down and limping over to the chopping block to sit down. “Hoss,” he grunted.

“Oh yeah… Hoss… I’m really sorry – I didn’t mean ta’ scare ya or nuthin’…” Johnny walked over and inspected Hoss’s toe, which was now being shed of its boot and sock. “Does it hurt bad?”

Hoss’s whole foot was throbbing, and his toe was already taking on a purplish color. When he looked into Johnny’s concerned eyes, he forced a smile to his face. “Ah, it’s nuthin’ – don’t’cha worry none.” Hoss replaced the sock and gingerly slipped his foot back into the boot that seemed to feel a bit small now.

Johnny’s face broke into a relieved smile. “Hey, how come yer name is Hoss?”

Hoss gave him a wink, “How come yer name is Johnny?”

Johnny cocked his head, seeming annoyed. “Well, that’s a silly question – cuz I’as born with that name!”

“Well…” Hoss cocked his head, mocking the boy’s mannerisms good-naturedly, “…I’as born with the name Hoss!”

Johnny looked at him skeptically and Hoss began to laugh. “I’m just joshin’ ya – my real name’s Eric. Folks jist call me Hoss cause I’m so big.” Hoss ruffled the boy’s hair then motioned to the pile of wood. “Come on, let’s get that wood stacked an’ go in an’ git us some breakfast.”

“Oh yeah!” Johnny stopped suddenly. “I was ‘posed to tell you that Pa says fer you ta’ take me up to see Mama and then we’re ‘posed to… um…” he closed his eyes trying to recall the instructions. “…oh yeah – you and me is ‘posed to make sure them baby pigs all gets fed…Anyway, Pa says he has to do somethin’ with Benny an’ it might take a while…”

“Hmm…” Hoss mumbled curiously. “Well, let’s get to it then…We’ll send Adam and Joe out to finish with this here – Jist between the two of us, it’s good fer them to stay busy with lots’a work. It keeps’em outta trouble…” Hoss laughed and put a hand on Johnny’s shoulder and led him inside.

*****

Ben sat on the edge of Benny’s bed smiling at the rather backwards position the boy had worked himself into during his sleep. He shook his son gently and Benny’s eyes fluttered open.

“Time to get up…”

Ben waited a moment for his son to sit up, before turning to find the boy’s overalls. He found them wadded up on the dresser. When he turned back, Benny was just falling back on the bed again, eyes already shut.

“Oh, no you don’t…” Ben sat him back up and shook his head, grinning. For the boy to be so full of energy during the day, it could be next to impossible to wake him up in the morning. Ben had discovered a long time ago that, in order to get him up and dressed in a reasonable amount of time, Benny had to be out of bed and on his feet immediately upon waking up. Allowing him to gradually wake up on his own was, in Ben’s experience, completely futile.

“Alright now, out of bed and take your nightshirt off…” Ben said as he helped him up.

Benny mechanically did as he was told, rubbing his eyes and mumbling something incoherent. He held on to his father’s arms to steady himself as he stepped into the overalls being held in front of him. He mumbled something again, though his eyes were completely shut, and Ben thought he caught a few recognizable words.

“What’s that son?”

“…er’s Lonny…a’mean…Donnie…a’mean…” Benny shook his head groggily, his eyes opening slightly.

Ben furrowed his brow, trying to make out what the boy was trying to say. “Oh – ‘Where’s Johnny’?” Benny nodded sleepily.

Ben fastened Benny’s suspenders as he explained, “He’s with Hoss – he’s been up for a while now…”

Benny suddenly came fully awake, his eyes opening widely. “With Hoss?!”

Before the words were out of his mouth, Benny was heading for the door.

“Whoa…” Ben reached back and apprehended the boy by the back of his overalls. “…Now you just wait right there, young man.”

Benny turned around slowly to face his father. “Yeah, Pa?”

“Come here and sit down – I’d like to talk to you.” Ben’s voice was soft and pleasant, but also very commanding. Benny cast a disappointed glance toward the door then slowly walked over to sit next to his father on the bed.

“Yessir…”

Ben waited while Benny clambered onto the bed, grateful for the chance to re-collect his thoughts. He took a deep inhalation and began.

“Benny, tell me something….” He gestured to Genevieve’s room next door, “Who’s room is that?”

Benny shrugged. “Well…you know…”

“I know, but I want you to tell anyway,” Ben smiled and waited patiently for the boy to answer.

Benny’s head dropped, his face turning a bit pink. “It’s… her room…”

Ben cocked his head. “Who is ‘her’?” he prodded gently.

Benny turned his face full away from his father and started fidgeting uncomfortably. Ben noted the back of the boy’s ears turning a deeper shade of red.

“Benny… I asked you a question…”

Benny’s hand went up to his face and, though he was turned around, Ben knew he was starting to cry.

“Benny…” Ben took hold of his son by both arms and turned him around to face him. Benny’s eyes were red with unshed tears. “Just answer me son.”

Benny looked down sadly, causing a few tears to trickle down his cheeks.

“That’s my…” Benny began softly, “That’s…” he sniffed and wiped the tears away stubbornly, “That’s Johnny’s Mama.”

It was all Ben could do to keep from reaching out and pulling the boy close to him. No, he thought, he’s not a baby any longer – He must learn how to deal with this.

“Yes, it’s Johnny’s mama – but she’s also yours.”

Benny frowned, large pools of tears collecting at each of his bright blue eyes.

“Just like I’m your Pa – and I’m also…”

“NO!” Benny practically yelled, interrupting his father. He jumped from the bed, placing his hands on his hips. The tears were now flowing unchecked down his face.

“Benny…”

“NO!” Benny turned away, covering his ears in protest.

Ben pursed his lips and deepened his tone, “Benjamin Joseph Cart…!”

Before he could get the child’s full name out, Benny had fallen into a heap on the floor. He covered his ears and rocked himself back and forth as he shook his head. He was whimpering, but his crying soon turned into uncontrolled sobbing.

Ben’s own eyes burned with tears as he knelt next to the boy and pulled him close. His heart broke, though, when Benny wriggled free of his father’s embrace and fell back to the floor in hysterics.

Ben heard the loud clunking of familiar footsteps and was not surprised when, a moment later, he heard the bedroom door open.

“Pa…” Hoss’s soft voice reached Ben’s ears.

Ben stared helplessly at the six-year-old on the floor in front of him. Benny was still wailing uncontrollably, though he now seemed to be doing more choking than crying.

Ben buried his head in his hands. “Hoss…” At the simple command Hoss nodded and moved quickly to retrieve the boy from the floor. Benny protested with kicks and screams, but Hoss only held on tighter, pinning the boy’s arms and legs against his own body. The next thing Ben knew, his son’s screams were drifting away down the stairs and out the front door.

Ben felt a small hand touch his shoulder. He turned to see Johnny standing next to him, staring back at the door sadly. “Is Benny all right?”

“No, son…” Ben sighed and patted the boy’s hand gently, “…but he will be… eventually…”

*****

Adam and Joe looked up from the woodpile they were stacking at the sound of Benny’s screaming.

“Uh-oh…” Joe said, swapping a dismal glance with his oldest brother.

The next moment Hoss was coming out of the front door headed to the barn. On his heels was Jeanette, frantically asking what the matter was.

“He’ll be alright directly, Miss Jeanette…” Hoss didn’t stop to explain. Rather, he continued his quick pace to the barn.

Jeanette stopped in the middle of the yard, staring after them helplessly. Adam stepped forward, clearing his throat uncomfortably.

“He’ll be alright…” Adam said, trying to reassure her. “…Hoss always knows how to calm him down when he gets like that.”

If Jeanette heard him, she gave no indication. She sighed, still turned in the direction of the barn, where Benny’s screams could be heard along with the low murmuring of Hoss’s voice. Adam looked back at Joe, frowning and shaking his head. The two had a sort of silent conversation behind Jeanette’s back, both realizing it was no use pretending that all was fine and dandy with their youngest brother. The events of the last few months had left the boy with open wounds on his heart. Only time would tell if his tender heart would be able to heal.

Jeanette turned silently to go back into the house, shaking her head sadly as she went. Adam looked again to Joe and nodded toward the barn. The two men turned and went quickly to see what they could do to help Hoss.

*****

Hoss turned, sensing the two familiar figures standing in the doorway of the barn. He nodded a somber greeting and turned back to his small charge. Benny was draped in one of his large arms and with his other hand, Hoss patted the boy’s cheek several times.

“Benny, open yer eyes, boy.”

Benny’s eyes opened revealing bright blue eyes against a pale face. With a gasp, he sat up in Hoss’s arms. He whimpered and another bout of crying and choking threatened to rear its ugly head. Hoss set him down and pushed his head down between his knees. After a few moments Benny dropped to the barn floor, pulling his knees close to his body. Hoss moved from where he sat on an old crate to sit next to Benny on the ground. He rubbed the boy’s back, offering silent comfort while Benny tried to get hold of himself.

Adam and Joe came in quietly and sat across from their other two brothers on the ground. They all waited, not speaking.

Several minutes later Benny’s crying gave way to the occasional hic-cup. Hoss pulled his brother into his lap, cradling him in a way he’d not done since Benny was a baby. He looked down at the boy’s face. His cheeks were glistening from his tears and his eyes were red and puffy. Benny stared to one side, not looking at any of his brothers or acknowledging their presence. Except for an occasional hic-cup, he was perfectly motionless.

Hoss pulled a handkerchief from his back pocket and with it, wiped the tears and sweat from Benny’s face. The child continued to lay motionless in his brother’s arms and stare. Hoss looked up at Adam and Joe and shook his head despondently.

Clucking his tongue softly, he brushed a few wayward curls from Benny’s face. “I know…life just ain’t fair… is it Little Man?”

Hoss allowed Benny to lie there in his numb state for a good while as he rocked him gently. He knew he needed to speak with the boy and make him understand reason, but for now he just wanted Benny to know they were all there and weren’t going to leave him. He reckoned that was really the issue that always prompted these fits; Benny didn’t want to think that his father and brothers might leave him.

Hoss looked at the men sitting across from him. Joe kept his gaze steadfast on his little brother as he absentmindedly twirled a bit of hay between his fingers. Adam had an elbow resting on one bent knee. With his eyes closed, he pinched the bridge of his nose. Hoss knew how frustrated they both were, but there was nothing any of them could do.

Hoss looked up, unstartled, as the barn door opened again.

“Hey, Pa,” he said gruffly.

His father nodded gravely and came over to kneel next to Hoss. He laid a gentle hand on Benny’s head and sighed.

“He’s warm…”

Hoss nodded, “He done himself in this time… he’ll be okay in a bit, I reckon.”

Ben shook his head, his hand still resting on Benny’s head. “I didn’t handle that correctly…” he murmured.

Adam’s hand fell from the bridge of his nose to his knee with a loud slap. “Oh, come on Pa… there is no correct way to handle this…”

“Even still…”

Ben stood from his kneeling position to sit on the crate Hoss had previously been occupying. He looked around at his sons and thought of the last time they’d sat like this in their own barn; Benny in Hoss’s lap, Adam and Joe sitting next to one another. The only difference was that had been a happy moment – a moment he’d remember for always. As he looked around, he knew he would remember this one as well, but it would not be something he looked back on with happiness. Somehow they would get through this; had to get through this.

Ben glanced down at his youngest and noted the boy was now looking straight at him.

“Are you ready to talk now?” Ben asked softly.

Benny nodded.

Ben forced a faint smile to his lips and held out his arm to the boy. Benny squirmed his way to a sitting position in Hoss’s lap and then stood and approached his father. Ben lifted him to sit on his knee and felt his son’s sweat-soaked hair lean into his chest.  He looked at his older sons and motioned toward the door with his head. The three men nodded and stood, dusting themselves off.

“We’ll, em… just go in and get some breakfast now…” Adam offered and the three excused themselves quietly, though a bit forlornly.

Ben watched them leave and was startled when he heard Benny’s voice announce: “M’sorry, Pa…”

He took a deep inhalation and turned to the boy. “I know you are… and I understand – not that I think your behavior was tolerable, mind you – but I do understand…”

Benny nodded slowly, his piercing blue eyes fixed seriously on his father’s.

Ben wrapped both arms around his son. “Well… we’ve got a bit of a problem on our hands, don’t we?”

Benny looked up at his father curiously. “What’cha mean?”

Ben shrugged in mock-apathy. “Oh, well… you know… with Johnny and all…”

“What’s wrong with Johnny?”

“Well, I certainly can’t have him making you upset like that again…”

“Oh, but he didn’t make me upset,” Benny blurted out, interrupting his father.

“No?”

“Well…I mean, it weren’t really his fault…” Benny’s face turned pink as he spoke, “…it’s just that… well…”

Ben shook his head, cutting the boy off. “No, I think having the two of you together is causing quite a problem – It’s really best if we go on back to the Ponderosa and just leave him here and go about life the way we did before…”

“Of course, there is just one problem with that…” Ben scratched his head as though trying to find some impossible solution. “…You know, Johnny’s mama is really sick and well… the doctor told her that she might not have much time left – if you know what I mean….”

“She’s…” the boy swallowed hard, “…dyin’?”

Ben nodded and watched as the boy sadly dropped his gaze to the ground. “I didn’t know that, Pa… what’ll happen to Johnny after… after…”

“Well, he was supposed to come live with us – at the Ponderosa… but now…I’m not sure that arrangement will work…” Ben explained, arms still encircling his son.

Benny looked up with a sudden jerk, nearly falling off Ben’s lap. “But where will he go?! You cain’t just leave him here!”

“Well, he’ll have your Aunt Jeanette.”

“Pa! That ain’t the same an’ you know it!”

Ben shrugged, “Well, what do you suggest we do then? It won’t do to have you two arguing and being jealous of each other all the time.”

Benny straightened up his shoulders and coolly explained, “Well, I s’pose we’ll just have to learn how to live with it.” Benny lifted his head in an attempt to appear more grown up.

“Besides…” Benny let his posture slouch back to what it normally was, “…Johnny’s not all bad – we have lots’a fun together.”

Ben patted his son’s back and gave a quick wink. “You know, that’s a pretty manly way to look at it, son.”

“Really?!” Benny perked up at the thought.

“Really.”

Chapter 29 – From One Father To Another

Jeanette looked at the large portions of left over bacon, eggs and biscuits and sighed. Genevieve and Johnny were the only ones who had eaten any breakfast and what remained was now completely cold. She sighed again, wondering how Benny was doing. She’d never seen him that upset. She wasn’t sure what had provoked the fit of rage, but she was sure she could make a pretty good guess of it. The poor boy…

Jeanette dismissed the thought and turned her attention back to her work. She decided to wait a few more minutes before discarding breakfast altogether, just in case. Instead, she set herself to the task of peeling potatoes and carrots for the stew she planned on making for supper. She’d hardly begun when she heard men’s voices approaching the back kitchen door. A moment later the screen door creaked open, and three sets of boots could be heard on the wood floors.

“Miss Jeanette?” Hoss took his hat off and hungrily eyed the food on the stove. “Is it too late for breakfast, ma’am?”

Jeanette smiled, “Of course not. I’ll get three plates.”

The three men nodded their weary thanks and took their seats at the table.

Jeanette looked at the cold mess that had been breakfast and frowned. It wouldn’t be very appetizing in this state. She filled three plates and placed them in the cast iron warmer, promising the men it would only take a few minutes.

“How is Benny,” she asked a little apprehensively.

“He finally calmed down – Pa’s talking with him,” Joe explained.

“He’s a good…” Jeanette was going to say that Ben was a good father, but she was interrupted by a knock on the screen door.

“Bon Jour, Jeanette.” The greeting came from a small man dressed in priestly clothing, peering in through the screen mesh.

“Oh!” Jeanette felt the color rise in her cheeks. “I’m so sorry Father Fontenot! Your wire said you were coming today, and I completely forgot! – Come in, come in!”

She hurried to welcome the frail, old gentleman into the kitchen. The man entered and kissed her on either cheek, mumbling a quiet blessing in French. Jeanette knew the words only because he’d said them to her every time they’d met since she was a child. Her own family had somehow neglected the teaching of their native French tongue to the newer generations. While she knew enough to understand a little, she only knew how to speak in very broken French.

“Father Fontenot, these are Ben Cartwright’s oldest sons – you remember Monsieur Cartwright, don’t you?” The elderly man nodded with a large and partially toothless smile. “This is Adam, Hoss and Little Joe.” The men clamored to their feet and nodded respectfully.

Father Fontenot made his way slowly over to Joe, with a great deal of help from his cane. He placed a hand on Joe’s head and repeated the blessing. When he finished, he smiled and said, “You are Marie’s child, no doubt of that.”

“Father Fontenot, your wire said that you had come back on special business,” Jeanette began as the five took their seats at the table.

The man nodded, holding up a crooked finger, “Oui, but before I get into that I must inquire about Genevieve – is she well? She was beginning to feel ill again when she left for Nevada last spring…”

Jeanette shook her head sadly and the old man’s eyes darkened. “I see…” he murmured. “And the child?”

Jeanette smiled uncomfortably and motioned to the men sitting opposite her. “He is here, along with his father and older brothers.” Jeanette noted the worry in the priest’s eyes and hurried on. “He’s fine, Father – we took him to see that doctor you sent to us and he said Benny is perfectly healthy!”

“Impossible!” An astonished smile spread across Father Fontenot’s face. He raised his hands heavenward and offered a short but ecstatic prayer. Jeanette couldn’t quite understand the words, but knew it was a prayer of thanksgiving.

Adam cleared his throat and smiled politely. “Father, I gather New Orleans is your parish?

The priest nodded. “Oui, in part, but I have been needed elsewhere these last few months. This cursed war… Too many good men lay dying on muddy battlefields – and too few priests and clergy to tend to the spiritual needs of them all.”

“You knew my mother?” Joe asked, a hint of eagerness lacing his voice.

A nostalgic smile came to the old man’s face. “Oui, oui… A truly amazing woman, for certain.” Father Fontenot sighed, “A priest never forgets the children he has baptized. They are as good as his own children…”

“Father, please,” Jeanette pleaded with him, placing a hand on his arm, “You would not have come all the way back here at this time simply to make small talk. What is it you wanted to see me about?”

The smile on the priest’s face was replaced by a hard and weary scowl. “You are right, my child. I have come because… he is dead.”

Jeanette felt her heart stop at his words. She did not need to ask who “he” was.

“Good,” was all she said before hurrying out of the room, leaving the four men bewildered and alone.

*****

Ben held the tiny hand in his larger one as Benny skipped alongside him. His heart felt a great relief, but his body was already exhausted and it was only a few hours into the day. He stopped a little ways from the kitchen door and knelt, pressing one knee into the dirt.

“One more thing, son,” he pulled Benny in front of him, resting his hands on the boy’s waist. “Remember, it’s not good to be jealous – especially of your brother. That can lead to hate, and you don’t want to hate anybody do you?”

Benny shook his head, his face turning gravely serious.

“Also… I think you hurt Johnny’s feelings last night… I think it would be good if you apologized, don’t you?”

Benny nodded. “It’s kinda like Joseph – his brothers were real jealous of him. That’s why they sold’im into slavery, right? – I don’t wanna be like them.”

“That’s a good boy – now let’s go in and see if your Aunt Jeanette has any breakfast left.”

Ben smiled as the boy skipped ahead of him. He wasn’t altogether sure they’d resolved everything, but at least it was a step in the right direction.

Ben sighed deeply as he reached the kitchen door. Entering, he caught a fleeting glimpse of Benny passing through the door at the opposite end of the kitchen to find his brother. He laughed, turning his attention to the four men sitting at the table.

“Pa,” Adam said, standing and gesturing to the visitor, “This is Father Fontenot.”

Ben smiled and offered his hand to the man. “Oh, yes – we’ve met before. Good to see you again Father – and that,” Ben indicated the doorway his youngest had just disappeared through, “was Benny.”

The men laughed pleasantly as they took their seats.

“Monsieur Cartwright, I am glad to see you here – I thought you would probably come…”

“Oh?” Ben asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

Father Fontenot nodded, “I must say, I did not think Genevieve would succeed when she left for Nevada…”

Ben glanced up at his sons, all of them shifting uncomfortably as the man continued.

“… But, since she did, I see that it was a good thing now. You are all together as you should be, no?”

Ben shook his head, trying his hardest to keep his words and tone as gracious as possible. “Not exactly Father… we came to get Benny back. That was all we had planned to do – until… well, until we found out about Johnny…”

“Ah, Johnny…” The priest smiled broadly, “… a precious child, and the light of his mother’s life. Those boys – I remember when I baptized them – I never forget the children I baptize,” he reminded Joe with a wink before continuing, “Little Jean was small, but he was a strong one. But – how do you say the name? Ben-ny? – He was so tiny… I could hold him just like this,” he held one hand out, his palm facing upward.

“You baptized Benny, Father?” Ben asked curiously.

The old man’s eyes shimmered as he nodded. “Oui… a sad day it was too…” He gave a slight shudder as his words trailed off. A moment later, though, he shrugged and brought a slight smile to his face. “It is no worry now, anyway. God has healed him – indeed he has… But I will never forget the pain and sadness of those first few weeks of his life…”

The rain fell in merciless sheets at his back as he approached the front steps of the house. Before he could reach a weathered, frail hand out to knock, the door opened.“Thank you for coming Father,” Jeanette muttered through teary sobs.

“Genevieve – she is…”he could hardly find the strength to put the horrid thought into words.

Jeanette quickly shook her head, “No – not yet, but Dr. Ford thinks it might be soon.”Father Fontenot nodded gravely and moved toward Genevieve’s bedroom. He was halted by Jeanette’s hand on his arm. “There’s something else, Father…” Her words melted into another sob.

The priest put a comforting arm around her. “What is it?”

“She had twins. But, one of the babies…”

Without waiting for an explanation, he turned quickly and proceeded to the bedroom, leaving Jeanette to her weeping. When he reached the room, Genevieve lay on the bed, her breathing quite labored. In the corner Dr. Ford leaned close to a lamp as he held an infant in the palm of one hand. Father Fontenot crossed himself as he took sight of the bluish color of the baby’s skin.“Doctor…” he managed through his constricted throat.

Dr. Ford did not look up from the child in his arms but listened through his stethoscope to the tiny chest. He mumbled a quiet curse under his breath and turned the baby over, giving it a few quick blows to the back.Father Fontenot winced at the rough treatment with which the doctor was treating the child. Suddenly though, the baby began to cry and his bluish coloring gave way to a slightly pinker one. The priest let out a relieved sigh and turned to Genevieve. Her breathing was shallow and accompanied by a gurgling sound in her chest.“Genevieve…” he took her hand gently. The lamplight flickered, making a few shadows dance across her face. In spite of the dim light, he could see her eyes open.“Father, the doctor doesn’t think the baby will live…” she broke into a coughing fit, ending her attempt at an explanation.

The priest nodded his head and forced a faint smile to his face. “Doctor, quickly, bring the child to me…”

Father Fontenot paused, the words of the baptismal prayer still echoing in his mind. He blinked back his tears and continued, “Somehow though…. They both managed to hold on till morning. It’s a funny thing about morning…you see things a little clearer and your trials seem a little more bearable…” He pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed at his eyes and then his nose. “The next morning, Dr. Ford discovered that Genevieve was doing remarkably better, and he believed she had managed to buy herself a good deal more time. Benny, though… he had improved, but the doctor still believed he had a very minimal chance to survive more than a few years. And that is when Genevieve decided to send the boy to you.”

Ben, who had been listening to the story with his chin cradled in his hand and his elbow resting on the table, now crossed his arms in front of him as he leaned toward the elderly man. Father Fontenot hurried on, sensing this was a part of the story Ben had never heard.

“So, I agreed to bring the child to Virginia City, but on one condition – that we wait until he was strong enough to make the journey. So, we did.”

“So, she didn’t mail him after all,” Adam muttered, with a hint of disdain.

Ben leaned nearer to the priest, his face turning red. “Why did you not bring him straight to me – and explain this whole mess, then?”

“Genevieve told me about your friends – Tom and Annie,” he closed his eyes trying to remember their names. “She said to give the boy to them and they would bring him to you. But we did include a letter – two letters in fact. One from Genevieve and the other from Dr. Ford. I never read them, but they were to have explained everything.”

The men around the table jumped at the sound of Hoss’s fist hitting the table. “That letter didn’t explain nuthin’ – ‘cept that she didn’t want nuthin’ ta do with him!”

“That’ll be enough, Hoss,” Ben said, his face in a scowl.

“As I said, I did not read the letter, but I can assure you all – she did love him and felt that he had a much better chance of survival out there with you. You had the means to find him a doctor. But, in spite of her letter, you should have known about his illness from Dr. Ford’s letter.”

“We never got a letter from Dr. Ford, Father,” Joe said, voicing what the others were too frustrated to say.

“No letter?” The priest scratched his head curiously. “That is strange, indeed…”

Five heads came up as the kitchen door opened. Jeanette entered, Benny and Johnny at her side. Her face showed that she had been crying. She forced a wobbly smile and apologized for her hasty and unexplained departure earlier.

“Genevieve is ready to see you, Father Fontenot.” She nodded toward Ben. “You boys stay here with your father, please.”

Father Fontenot stood, leaning on his cane and walked to the door. He stopped momentarily to lay a hand on each of the boys and recite his blessing. Then he turned and followed Jeanette from the room.

*****

Ben took a seat on a fallen log at the top of the hill. Slightly winded from his hike, he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his brow. Slowly, he took in the view before him. Below, the mighty Mississippi River meandered along as far as his eye could see to his right and left. Beyond it, the sun was setting in a brilliant display of pink and orange.

Ben stretched his muscles, heaving a great sigh. It had been a long day. And with the little farmhouse becoming more and more crowded with people, he found himself perfectly content to spend this moment in solitude.

“What is the matter, Monsieur Cartwright?”

Ben jumped at the voice, his hand moving quickly to his right hip. He realized he wasn’t wearing his gun, and he blushed at the instinctive reaction when he realized it was only Father Fontenot. Relaxing, he gave a faint smile to the man.

“Oh – um – nothing, Father… Just watching the sunset.” He motioned to the log. “Won’t you join me?”

The priest nodded and Ben helped him to the log. The old man was breathing hard and Ben wondered how in the world he’d made it up the steep hill with nothing but the help of a rickety old cane.

Father Fontenot panted as he took his seat on the log. “It is a beautiful sunset, is it not?”

“Well, I don’t mean to boast,” Ben smiled, attempting to make small talk, “but we have the most spectacular sunsets out west.”

Ben stole a glance at the old man sitting next to him. His eyes held a wisdom that was only achieved through longevity of life.

“Perhaps you’re right… but the truth of the matter is…” the man turned with a smile. “…it is the same sun.”

Ben answered with an agreeable nod.

“You see…” The elderly man shrugged, “Just because something appears to be different… does not mean it is.”

Ben found himself wondering if the man even knew he wasn’t making any sense. He found his smile deepening though, in spite of the thought. If there was one thing he’d learned in his life, it was to appreciate age. So often, the elderly were treated as imbeciles – made to live out the remainder of their lives in a rocking chair, as though their time of usefulness had come to an end. Ben knew better though. He didn’t believe a man could live seven or eight decades without having something pertinent to teach the younger generations.

Father Fontenot turned back to Ben and gave him a soft, playful nudge.

“Now… you are wondering why I said that… no?”

Ben gave a soft chuckle. Well, certainly no one could say the old man wasn’t intuitive.

“You think she’s changed.”

Ben’s smile faded and he shifted his position uncomfortably at the forthrightness of the old man’s words. He was nothing, if not to the point.

“Well, Father, she’s certainly not the woman I married,” he offered as graciously as he knew how.

“And how did you come to that decision?”

The man looked at Ben seriously, though his face still held the trace of a gentle smile.

Ben shrugged. “The woman I married, never would have… done all those things… wouldn’t have intentionally hurt anyone…”

“And what is it she has done?”

Ben pursed his lips, frustration brewing inside of him.

“You know the story, Father… her leaving… not telling me about Johnny… taking Benny away… this crazy story about Benny being sick and now suddenly he’s not… the lost letter… arranging for that fraud of a judge…”

“Now I thought,” Father Fontenot interrupted, raising a crooked finger in recollection, “Jeanette said they had nothing to do with that judge… That is what she told me when I spoke with her this afternoon.”

Ben rolled his eyes and gave a soft snort. “Yes, yes – that’s what she says.”

“Well, did it ever occur to you that she might be telling the truth?”

Ben wondered at the man sitting next to him. Father Fontenot held no accusation in his tone. In fact, his manner was nothing more than casual; as though they were merely discussing the things of little consequence.

“If she is telling the truth… then… where did this Judge Nelson come from? My son told me the only Judge Nelson on record died ten years ago.”

“Well, then there’s your answer.”

“What’s my answer?”

“He’s dead.”

“Dead?”

“As a doornail, apparently,” Father Fontenot laughed softly, impressed with his own joke.

Ben laid his face in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. The priest watched him, his smile fading.

“Did you ever consider,” Father Fontenot said, placing a comforting hand on Ben’s shoulder, “that God never intended for all of the mysteries of life to be explained? That perhaps he allowed all of those things to happen for a reason?”

“What reason?” Ben mumbled, his head still cradled in his hands.

“For healing.”

Ben sat up straight and looked at the man incredulously.

“Healing? Ha! I wouldn’t need healing if it weren’t for all of this!” Ben could feel the volume of his voice creeping up as he spoke.

“You give them eyes, but they do not see…” Father Fontenot shook his head with a sigh. “Can you not conceive, Monsieur Cartwright, that you might not be the one in need of healing?”

Ben stared at the man, allowing his words to sink in.

“Now I would be willing to bet…” Father Fontenot crossed himself at his use of the last word, “…that you’ve spent the last several years – especially the last few months – asking God ‘why?’ – ‘Why is this happening to me?’”

Ben nodded.

“Perhaps you should consider asking ‘what?’ – ‘What is it you want me to do?’”

Ben turned away from the man, slumping his shoulders.

“I already know what He wants me to do…” Ben admitted quietly. “I just can’t… I’m … I’m not ready to forgive her yet…”

Father Fontenot gave Ben a soft clap on the back.

“My friend, I’m afraid that is not really up to you…”

Ben felt his throat constrict. He nodded, not trusting his voice.

“You see, the same God that loves you and freely offers you forgiveness… is the same that loves her and has already given His forgiveness to her – freely… If He can forgive her, should you not do the same?”

Ben stared at the ground, feeling the priest’s eyes upon him. He gave a long and weary sigh and finally nodded again.

“Desperate people make desperate decisions…” The old man paused when his voice quivered slightly. “There is more to her story, to be sure… the question is, are you willing to hear it?”

The priest turned back to the sunset before them and smiled. “I remember your Western sunsets… and you are correct, they are beautiful….”

Ben looked up at the glowing horizon, his elbows still resting on his knees.

“It may look different…. But it is the same sun, indeed…”

Father Fontenot stood, leaning on his cane for good measure. He turned and placed a hand on Ben’s shoulder.

“God be with you – and give you peace.”

A moment later, Ben found himself alone once again.

Chapter 30 – More To The Story, Indeed“Crown me. Again.”

Joe ignored the chuckles from his brothers and eyed Johnny suspiciously. Finally, his face fell into a somewhat pouting frown.

“I can’t.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Johnny said with a teasing grin, “You ain’t got none of my pieces – I’ll just use one’a yer’s, seein’ as how I have most of’em.”

The room erupted with laughter and Joe turned to his other three brothers with a scowl.

“Looks like you done met yer match, Little Brother!” Hoss howled.

Joe threw him a sarcastic smile, showing Hoss how unamused he was.  “Just so happens, that I’m being nice and letting him win.”

Adam sauntered over to the checkerboard and picked up a handful of Joe’s lost checker pieces and smiled. “Yeah, I see that… you’re being really nice, apparently.”

“Don’t feel bad, Joe,” Benny said pointing to the board, trying to control his giggling. “You still got two pieces left.”

Joe glowered at the boy. “You’re not helping.”

“Looks like yer gonna have to come up with a new strategy, Brother.” Hoss smiled broadly, enjoying the look of frustration on Joe’s face.

“What you mean, Hoss,” Adam raised a corrective finger, “is that he’ll have to come up with a new way to cheat.”

Joe threw his hands up as the room filled with laughter again. “Alright… fine – you try to beat him. But I’m warning you, he may look all cute and adorable, but he’s ruthless – ruthless I tell ya!”

Joe vacated his seat at the checkerboard and Adam took his place. Joe moved to sit next to Hoss on the sofa and pulled Benny into his lap. Before the boy had a chance to get comfortable, Joe began tickling him mercilessly.

“There, that’ll teach you to laugh at me!”

Benny squealed, trying to wriggle himself free from his brother’s grasp, all the while crying for Hoss’s help. Hoss shrugged in mock-apathy.

“I dunno, Benny – he’s gotta a point… ya ought not laugh at someone who’s bigger’n you…”

Benny broke into another bout of laughter as Joe turned him upside-down and continued with his tickling. Adam stood and approached the pair, squatting and turning his head to look his upside-down brother in the eye.

“You know, it’s really impossible to concentrate with you making all of that racket…”

“Adam! Somebody help me!” Benny demanded, out of breath and still giggling.

Johnny grinned broadly. “I’ll help!”  He ran over to his brothers, the checker game now completely forgotten. He’d almost made it to Benny when a large hand fastened itself around the suspenders of his overalls. He felt himself being lifted from the ground and was soon eye to eye with Hoss.

“And just where do you think yer goin’? – Hey Adam, I think this house has critter problem. Think we should get rid of’em?”

The boys immediately began pleading through teary laughter with their brothers.

“I dunno Hoss… they look sturdy enough. Maybe we could put a saddle on’em and get some work out of’em.” Adam picked up one of Johnny’s feet that were dangling in the air and pretended to inspect it as he would a horse’s hoof. Johnny squirmed, now being held at both ends.

At the sudden sound of the front door slamming shut, the five looked up frozen – Joe still clutching tightly to an upside-down Benny and Hoss and Adam holding Johnny between them like a hammock.

“Well…” Ben said, scowling at the ridiculous sight before him. “I, for one… agree with Adam – At the very least they should be good for hooking a plough to…”

The brothers remained frozen for another moment before breaking out into laughter again.

A wide grin spread across Ben’s face. “Alright, you two…time for bed.”

“Oh! I gotta go say ‘night to Mama.” Johnny squirmed his legs free from Adam’s grasp as Hoss lowered him to the floor.

Ben sent the boys upstairs, promising to be up soon to tuck them in. Benny and Johnny’s voices quickly drifted away as they ascended the staircase and Ben turned back to his older sons.

“Well… everyone seems to be getting along just fine.”

Hoss chuckled softly, shaking his head in disbelief. “I still cain’t get over it. Them two look just alike, don’t they?”

“It took me a while to get used to as well,” Ben gave Hoss an understanding clap on the back. “Oh, hey – It looks as though Father Fontenot will be staying here for a day or so…”

“This house is getting smaller everyday,” Joe said, scratching his head.

“Yes, so I thought we could all stay in Benny and Johnny’s room and let Father Fontenot have the other bedroom.”

Adam and Hoss exchange agreeable shrugs. As the late comers, they were the ones assigned to sleeping on the floor. The hard wood floors would be just as uncomfortable in one room as the next.

Ben nodded and turned to follow the boys upstairs.

“Hey, Pa?”

“Yes, Adam?” Ben turned as he reached the foot of the stairs.

Adam exchanged an uncomfortable look with each of his brothers and then cleared his throat. “Well… we thought we might take the boys on a little camp out tomorrow. In case you wanted to … well, to give you time to do whatever it is you might need to do…”

Ben frowned, looking up toward Genevieve’s bedroom. He nodded, mumbling his thanks before slowly climbing the stairs.

*****

Benny didn’t turn when the bedroom door creaked open behind him. Instead, he kept his attention on unbuttoning his overalls. His fingers fumbled with the button, and he harrumphed in frustration. He really preferred his old clothes – his boots and pants and belt and button-up shirt. He liked rolling his sleeves up like his Pa and older brothers did when they worked. It made him feel like he was older and big enough to do man’s work. He had to admit though, the overalls were a lot cooler and were a lot easier to do fun stuff in – like climbing trees and hunting for crawdads. They’d be perfect if it weren’t for these dadblamed buttons.

“Want some help, son?”

Benny shook his head. He almost had it… There. The stubborn button finally found its way through the buttonhole. He slipped his shoulder out from under the other suspender, not bothering with the other button. He looked down at the overall-shaped tan lines on his chest and giggled.

“Look Pa – it looks like I still got’em on…”

When he looked up, his Pa was smiling at him and holding out his nightshirt. He raised his hands up and allowed his father to slip the garment over his head.

“Here,” Ben patted the mattress of Johnny’s bed. “You sleep here tonight.”

Benny frowned. “But that’s Johnny’s bed.”

His father nodded. “I know… I’m claiming parental privileges tonight – You two are small enough to share the one bed, anyway.”

Benny started to ask what “parental privileges” meant but decided not to.  When he saw the look on his father’s face, he decided it must mean that Pa was Pa, and he could do whatever he wanted. Benny shrugged, unbothered by the change in sleeping arrangements. When I grow up I’ll claim me some parental what’cha call-its, too, he thought.

Benny crawled onto the bed and planted a kiss on his father’s cheek before lying down. He could hear the muffled voices of Johnny saying his goodnight to Genevieve. Part of him wished he’d gone in there too. She sure was nice. His mind took him briefly back to the day they’d arrived in New Orleans. He’d been so scared and desperately wanted to go home. But she’d held him and told him there wasn’t anything to be afraid of. He’d had no reason to trust her, but something in her voice told him he could. As their carriage traveled through the streets of New Orleans, making its way to the Marceau estate, she started singing to him. He didn’t recognize the tune or its words, but there was a sweetness in her voice that was calming.

“Pa? Can I ask you somethin’?” He asked, pulling the covers over him.

“Sure.”

Benny watched his father for a moment as he sat beside him on the bed, trying to figure out how to ask his question.

“Is it… Is it okay if I like her?” He motioned to the bedroom next door.

His father gave him a strange look and Benny wondered if maybe he shouldn’t have asked.

“What?”

“Well… I know you hate’er, but… well, she’s awful nice, Pa….” Benny fumbled with his words and began to wish he hadn’t brought it up. “… I’as just wonderin’… if it was alright with you if I like’er…”

His father’s seemed troubled by his request, so he quickly followed it up with, “But if you tell me ‘no,’ I won’t – I promise…”

Benny watched closely as his father’s eyes became red. He wasn’t sure why, but he found his own eyes stinging as if he wanted to cry.

“I’m sorry Pa – I didn’t mean to make ya’ sad…”

His father offered him a weak smile and placed a hand on his head. Benny could feel the calluses of his palm as it brushed against his forehead. His hands were enormous, and Benny wondered if he would ever be big enough to have hands like that.

“I don’t hate her, Benny.” His father’s voice was soft and raspy.

Benny thought it looked like his father was going to say something else, but in the end, he simply closed his mouth and sighed with a frown. Silence hung in the air for several moments before Benny ventured to speak again.

“She said I could call’er ‘Mama’ like Johnny does…”

“I think it would be nice if you did that…”

Benny raised his eyebrows, surprised at his father’s words. “You do?”

When his Pa nodded, there was something in his expression that made Benny wonder if he really meant it.

“Pa, how come ya’ll ain’t married no more? I never heard of no one gettin’ married and then gettin’… well… not married…” He fidgeted absentmindedly with the seam on the blanket that covered him as he spoke.

After a long moment of silence, Benny looked up. Pa seemed lost in thought. “Well…?”

“Sometimes people change… but then…” Benny’s head tilted to one side, confused as his Pa spoke. It was like he was talking to himself instead of to Benny. “…sometimes it’s… still the ‘same sun’…”

“Huh?” Benny wrinkled his nose, not understanding. Pa wasn’t making any sense. Maybe he was asleep – sometimes Hoss would talk in his sleep, and he’d have that same far-off look on his face. Hoss always did that, though. Once he even ate a whole meal in his sleep. Well, he thought, only one way to find out.

“Ow!” Ben jumped, rubbing his arm where Benny had just pinched him.

“Oh, sorry Pa – I thought you’d fell asleep…”

They both froze for a moment, each regarding the other with an element curiosity. At length, Benny spoke again.

“So… is it okay?”

A faint smile came to his father’s face, and he nodded. “She’s your mother… of course it’s okay for you to like her – even love her.”

Benny let his body sink into the comfy mattress as he smiled. Good, he thought, cause I already do.

*****

Ben carried a large armful of blankets into Benny and Johnny’s room. The room was dark except for a dimly lit lamp in the corner. Johnny had returned from his mother’s room and was now sleepily pulling his nightshirt over his head. On the bed, Benny was already fast asleep, one hand balled into a fist and resting on his pillow next to his face.

If Johnny thought it was strange for Benny to be in his bed, he didn’t show it. When he finished dressing, he groggily nudged his brother. Benny rolled over, not waking. Johnny climbed in beside him and in no time, both were sleeping soundly. Ben let out a soft chuckle as he watched them. Asleep, they were nearly impossible to tell apart.

The door opened and Ben turned to see the rest of his brood entering, looking just as sleepy. It had been a long and tiring day for everyone.

“I brought your blankets in…” he whispered, and three heads nodded as they each accepted their bedding. “…I’ll go tell Father Fntenot he can have the other room.”

Ben made his way down the hallway toward Genevieve’s room. He practically ran into the priest at her doorway. “Oh, excuse me Father…”

“Is my fault – I do not see well in the dark anymore…” The old man smiled, patting Ben’s arm.

“I just wanted to let you know that my sons and I will be sharing the one room, so you can have the one at the end of the hall – your things are already in there.”

“Oh, that is not necessary…”

Ben raised his hand with a smile, “Now it’s already done – you just go on to bed, Father.”

The older man gave no further protest. “Merci, Monsieur Cartwright. Goodnight.”

Ben nodded politely. He had just turned to go back to his bedroom when he heard a noise coming from Genevieve’s room. The door stood slightly ajar and he took a few steps closer, listening to make sure nothing was wrong. Someone was crying. He took another step toward the door. It was Genevieve.

Jeanette’s voice was quiet and Ben could only distinguish a few words through Genevieve’s muffled sobs. “He’s dead, Genevieve… he can’t hurt you anymore…no reason to cry…he’s gone…”

Ben turned and walked quietly back to the bedroom. His stomach churned. He can’t hurt you anymore… The words echoed in his mind as a powerful feeling of anger and jealously flooded over him. Who had hurt her? He took a deep inhalation to calm himself and resisted the urge to barge into the room demanding an explanation. At length, he turned to go to bed.

Entering the bedroom, Ben noted the three bodies already asleep on the floor. He stepped over and around them and blew out the lamp in the corner then maneuvered his way back to the empty bed in the dark. Hoss’s voice mumbled something incoherent, and Ben realized he’d just stepped on him.

“Sorry son…”

Hoss mumbled something again before resuming his snoring.

Ben laid down, not bothering to change his clothes. Though he was exhausted, sleep did not come easily for him. He laid there for a long while, staring in to the darkness. When sleep did come, it brought nightmares of faceless people trying to hurt those he loved.

Chapter 31 – What Really Happened

Ben stood on the front porch waving one last goodbye to his sons as they headed off down the road, bedrolls tucked under their arms and a few canteens slung over their shoulders. Ben had been relieved when Adam informed him that they were only going to be camping about a half mile away. Though things had been relatively peaceful since they’d arrived, there was still a war on, and Ben didn’t relish the thought of his sons being off in the wilderness in unfamiliar country. In addition, there weren’t enough horses for everyone and not even a buckboard to ride in. So, they’d decided to make their short trek on foot.

Ben squinted to make out the five that were now a good ways down the road. Even from this distance he could see Benny – or was it Johnny? – hitching a ride atop Hoss’s shoulders, and Johnny – or was it Benny? – walking between Adam and Joe, holding fast to each of their hands. Every now and again the boy would pick his feet up and allow them to swing him back and forth. Soon, they reached a curve in the road and they disappeared from Ben’s sight.

Ben shook his head, smiling. His stomach growled, insisting it was high time he ate breakfast. He turned and followed the smell of bacon and eggs and biscuits to the kitchen.

“Oh, there you are Ben – I wondered when you’d be in to eat.” Jeanette smiled and set a plate at the table for him. Though no longer hot, it smelled delicious, and his stomach growled again in anticipation.

Ben let out a soft laugh, “It took me this long to get Benny and Johnny ready – they were so excited about the trip, they would hardly hold still to get dressed!”

Jeanette smiled and joined him at the table, sipping on her coffee.

“Where is Father Fontenot?” Ben asked before taking a bite of a slice of bacon.

“Went out to say his prayers.” She nodded toward the back door. “I imagine he’ll be a while.”

Ben nodded and took another bite. A comfortable silence fell for a few moments before Jeanette spoke again.

“I think it was nice of Adam and Hoss and Little Joe to take the boys on that camping trip… I don’t think Johnny has ever been camping before.”

“We try to go a few times a year – usually do some hunting while we’re out. Benny loves it. I think he would just as soon live outside like that if I’d let him.”

Jeanette gave a soft laugh. “Well, I think it was really nice of them to do that – and give you a little break from them.”

Ben shrugged. He had never been one to admit that he needed a “break” from any of his children. Perhaps it was just the stubborn pride of a man who’d raised so many boys alone. But still, it was nice to have some time to himself every now and again.

“Ben…” Jeanette’s voice wavered a bit and Ben looked up at her, sensing her serious demeanor, “do you think you might…talk to Genevieve today…”

Ben pushed his plate back and rested his elbows on the table. He dropped his head and nodded. Another moment of silence fell between them before he spoke.

“I talked with Father Fontenot last night…” Ben cleared his throat, unsure of how to proceed. “I think… well, I think I’m ready to talk to her – listen to her…”

Jeanette nodded, a look of relief washing over her features. Ben shifted uncomfortably, wanting to ask a question of his own.

“Jeanette…I hadn’t intended to, but I overheard her crying last night and I…”

Ben paused when he noted her expression turning to one of shock. Clearly no one had been meant to hear the conversation.

“Jeanette…” Ben reached across the table and covered her hand with his. “…Who hurt her?”

Her head dropped as she pulled her hand back to cover her face. A few quiet sobs shook her frame before she could compose herself. Ben frowned but waited patiently for her to respond.

“He was horrible – absolutely horrible…”

“Who?”

“Allen Richardson… her husband.”

*****

Adam took a deep breath as he took in his surroundings. This part of the country was beautiful, but it was no Nevada – and certainly no Ponderosa. He removed his hat and wiped the perspiration from face and neck. He leaned back against a large rock and took a bite of his biscuit. Jeanette had sent a large helping of biscuits with them that morning and his stomach was now informing him of its gratitude to her.

A small, dark-haired form sat down quietly beside him. Adam noted the serious expression on the child’s face – a stark contrast from the exuberance he’d shown earlier. Before speaking, Adam snuck a subtle glance at the other child sitting a little ways off with his other brothers. From where he sat, he could discern the other boy’s smaller, thinner frame and decided it was Johnny who sat next to him.

“Something wrong?” he probed, casually.

Johnny shrugged, not responding.

Adam smiled, somehow understanding. “Ever been away from home before, Johnny?”

The boy shrugged again, then shook his head.

“Ever been away from your mother before?”

Johnny nodded, “Once…she went on a trip a little while back… that’s the only time…”

Adam nodded, knowing it had probably been the time she’d spent in Carson City awaiting the custody hearing. That would have been nearly two months all together that she’d been gone. Adam remembered back to when he was a boy, and their father would go away on business. He’d be gone for weeks at a time. He knew how it felt. He put an understanding arm around the boy’s shoulders.

“It’ll only be for one night. You’ll see her again tomorrow.”

Johnny nodded solemnly.

“I’m just afraid that…”

Adam caught a quick look at the boy and saw a few tears trickling their way down his cheeks. Johnny turned away, embarrassed.

Adam took him gently by the shoulders and turned him back around to face him.

“Listen here…” he took a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped the boy’s face. “…We’re not that far away. If anything happened – anything – Pa would be here as fast as he could to tell you. I promise.”

Johnny looked at him, his brown eyes glistening in the early morning sunlight. Adam hadn’t realized just how much Benny and Johnny looked like their father. But now, as he looked into those dark brown eyes, he felt as though he were talking to a six-year-old version of his Pa.

“Where’s yer Mama?”

Adam frowned curiously at the question.

“She’s – em – well, she’s in heaven.” Adam recalled a time when he was that age and had asked the same question. His father’s answer had been the same as his now.

Johnny nodded, lowering his eyebrows thoughtfully. “That’s where my Mama’s goin’ soon… Maybe they’ll be friends together there…”

Adam smiled. “Maybe so.”

Adam settled himself against the rock again and took another bite of his biscuit. He felt Johnny’s head nestle against his side and he put his arm around him, giving him a little squeeze.

*****

Genevieve’s room was dark and much cooler than the rest of the house. Ben stood for a moment in the doorway, allowing his eyes to adjust. Before he could completely make out her frail form on the bed, he could hear her raspy breathing. He stepped in, closing the door behind him and she stirred slightly.

“Ben?” Her voice was weak.

“Yes, it’s me.” Though he had spoken quietly, Ben thought his voice sounded too loud for such a quiet room.

“Where are the boys?” She tried to sit up with great difficulty and Ben moved to assist her.

“They’re camping with their brothers – remember? They came in and said goodbye before they left…” Ben propped a few pillows behind her back and sat on the edge of her bed.

“Oh yes… I remember… It’s hard to remember sometimes…”

Ben nodded, understanding. The few times he’d been sick or hurt and had been bed-ridden, he remembered getting that same disoriented feeling as well. When one spends that much time in bed, dreams and real life seem to melt into one another until one isn’t entirely sure which is which.

Ben looked at her and a strange, but powerful feeling washed over him. Love? After all that had happened? He wondered for a moment if he might be losing his mind. How could he go back and forth between such undying anger and unfailing love? He was sure he didn’t know. He looked at her hand and wanted to reach for it but decided against it.

“Did you want to speak to me about something, Ben?” she asked with some trepidation. Ben knew she was afraid he might have come to rekindle their argument from weeks earlier.

“Genevieve – Gen…” His heart beating faster, he finally reached out and touched her hand, “You tried to tell me something a few weeks ago and…and I wouldn’t let you.”

“Ben, please…”

He cut her off with a gentle raise of his hand.

“Gen, don’t you think it’s time we started being honest with one another – completely honest?”

Her eyes fell, and she began toying nervously with his fingers. Ben almost smiled as he recalled her nervous habit.

“What did he do to you?” The words sounded more blunt than he’d intended and her head came up quickly, her eyes wide. “Jeanette told me a little, but said I should ask you…”

Genevieve lowered her eyes again. “They say everybody has a demon of some sort in their life… Alan Richardson is mine.”

Ben could feel her hands tremble as she continued to absentmindedly fiddle with his fingers.

“We grew up together… from the time we were young he’d made it perfectly clear his intentions toward me. When I was old enough to marry, I considered his proposal, but Jeanette warned me. She said she didn’t trust him – that she’d heard certain things about him. Before long, I realized her suspicions were correct. He was not only a drunkard, but he was violent. When I told him I didn’t wish to see him again, he left – left New Orleans, left Louisiana – I didn’t hear from him again.”

She took a deep breath before continuing.

“Years later, I met you,” She smiled, though her eyes were still sad looking, “And when we married, I thought I never could deserve such happiness. By that time in my life, I’d given up on the prospect of true love… I never dreamed there would be you.”

Ben gave her hand a squeeze and she breathed deeply to steady her voice.

“And then I went to see that doctor – you remember that part…” Ben nodded and she continued. “Well, on the stage back I ran into him again… Out of the blue… I tried to pretend that I didn’t recognize him, but it’s a little difficult when you’re the only two people sharing a coach… He had apparently returned to New Orleans just after we married and had come looking for me. Somehow, he learned of Mother’s death and of our marriage. He had followed us out west…”

She shuddered but Ben held fast to her hand.

“If I had thought the doctor’s news was life-shattering, that stagecoach ride was worse…”

“I know you recognize me Genevieve…” The man sneered and she felt her palms go sweaty.

“We have nothing to say to each other,” she said curtly, trying to sound unafraid.

“You’re not fooling me – I’ve seen that look before…”

Genevieve frowned, not sure what he was talking about.

“The sunken eyes… the pale complexion… Your mother had it too…”

She raised her chin stubbornly to him. “You know nothing about….”

“How much time do you have?” The open candidness in his voice about such matters made her skin crawl. “I hear doctors know those kinds of things… I saw you coming out of the doc’s office earlier…Knew you right away.”

Her stomach churned at the thought of unknowingly being watched – especially by him.“You’re going back to him then?”

Her head snapped up. “What business is that of yours?”

He laughed a loud and obnoxious laugh that made Genevieve feel ill. “Just seems to me you might want to think pretty hard on that… what with how it happened with your mother and father and all…”

Genevieve blinked back the tears that suddenly filled her eyes. She would not give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry. What right had he to bring up her parents? She hadn’t thought it possible after all the time that had passed, but she felt her heart breaking all over again at the memory of what her father had done.Mother had been sick off and on for as long as she could remember. She remembered her mother telling her father what a terrible disease it was and how it had consumed others in their family. Father had told her it didn’t matter – that he would stand with her to the end, as any good husband would. As Mother’s health deteriorated, Father became heart-broken and unwilling to watch his wife suffer any further. Genevieve had been the one to find him that horrible morning… blood everywhere, his hand still clutching the pistol.

“Seems to me…” Richardson’s voice penetrated her thoughts, but she was more than happy to pull her mind from that awful memory. “…you’d want to save your beloved husband from that kind of an end…”

Her face became hot with anger, and she began to feel dizzy. Her heart beat wildly in her chest and she doubled over in pain, willing her body to return to normal. The last thing she heard before she lost consciousness was Richardson’s voice saying, “Could be a way we might all benefit from this…”

Genevieve buried her face in her hands and wept. Ben handed her his handkerchief and waited for her to continue.

“Ben…I’ve spent the last seven years wishing beyond hope that I could go back and do things differently… but when I thought about my father lying there in his own blood… I just couldn’t do that to you…I know you say you’d have stayed by me to the end, but my father said that too…”

Ben wanted to protest, but decided it was not the time. He was here to listen.

“He went with me back to New Orleans. When he found out I was going to have a baby he blackmailed me into filing for divorce and into marrying him. He said he would tell you everything – about my being sick, about the baby and… I don’t know, he just had this way of saying it so that it sounded like I had no other choice… He had hoped to get money out of the divorce. When he found out I hadn’t asked you for any money, he…”

Genevieve pulled down the collar of her nightgown, revealing a large scar spanning the width of her neck. Ben’s nostrils flared and he felt his face becoming hot.

“He did that to you?” It came out more like a statement than a question.

Genevieve nodded and added quietly, “With a rope…”

“Ben, you have no idea how many times over the last seven years I’ve wanted to tell you – hoping you’d come and…” She shook the thought from her head as though, even now, she didn’t believe he could possibly have loved her enough to come to her aid.

Ben lowered his head, unsure of what to say. He knew the power a man like this Richardson could have over people – especially someone in a vulnerable position like Genevieve. He’d seen it before. Sensible women doing and believing all sorts of things out of shear terror.

“Why…why did Jeanette not tell me?”

“I don’t think even she knew the whole story until recently. I told her the same things…” she stopped, correcting herself, “…the same lies I told you. When I returned home, I stayed with her until after the babies were born – and the divorce. The whole time she pleaded with me to go back to you, but all I could think about was my father and how he…” she trailed off, but immediately blinked back her tears and continued. “And of course, there was Alan – always somewhere nearby… After the divorce, he insisted that we get married immediately. When I protested, he threatened to go to you and tell you awful lies about me and tell you about Johnny. He said you’d take him away and I’d never see him again…”

“Wait…” Ben rubbed his temples, trying to piece the story together. “I already had Benny by the time we got our divorce…”

Genevieve nodded. “Yes… as I said, I stayed with Jeanette until after the boys were born. Father Fontenot was already on his way to Virginia City with Benny before Alan even knew I’d given birth. He never knew there were twins.”

“So, Johnny has grown up with this… this Richardson?” Ben’s stomach knotted itself at the thought. “If he laid a finger on that boy…”

Genevieve raised her hand shaking her head. “He didn’t. Thankfully, he paid little attention to him as long as Johnny stayed out of his way. I suppose he didn’t see anything to be gained from him…”

“Where is he now?” Ben asked, his eyebrows lowering evenly over his dark brown eyes.

“Dead.” There was no emotion in her voice, neither sadness nor joy. “Jeanette managed to find a group of confederate officers to…forcefully persuade him to join the Confederate cause. He left late last winter and I haven’t seen him since… Father Fontenot had come to tell me that he died somewhere near Charleston.”

Ben took a deep breath, feeling relieved and ashamed and many other things besides. Why hadn’t he trusted her? Why hadn’t he believed that she couldn’t possibly be the horrible person she was trying to make herself out to be? Why hadn’t he gone after her to bring her back? He laid his head in his hands and was surprised when he felt her hand on his shoulder.

“Ben… I don’t know why you should believe me after everything I’ve done…”

He looked up, leaning toward her. He brushed the hair away from her face and allowed his hand to rest on her cheek.

“I should have come for you,” he said quietly, a lump rising in his throat. “You should never have had to…”  He stopped; his mind too weary to make his words match what his heart wanted to say.

A few tears made their way down her cheeks, and he adjusted his position on the bed so that he was sitting right next to her. He pulled her into his arms and there she cried, her head against his chest. Ben pressed a kiss into the top of her head, gently rocking her as she cried. He almost smiled as he thought about his conversation with Father Fontenot the night before. You were right Father, he mused, it was the same sun indeed.

Chapter 32 – Between Brothers“Benny? Johnny?” Hoss called. He heard giggling behind a large, twisted old oak tree and sighed, crossing his arms. “I know two little boys who are gonna be in a mighty big heap o’trouble if they don’t come when they’re called… especially seein’ as how they done run off without permission twice today…”

The giggling stopped suddenly, and two heads peered sheepishly around either side of the tree. Wide eyes stared at him repentantly.

“Alright, over here. Right now.” Hoss raised his eyebrows, a bit annoyed, and waited.

The two boys made their way to him, with a look on their faces that told Hoss they knew they were in trouble. One leg of Benny’s overalls had a lump in it – a lump that would move every now and again. Hoss shook his head and put his hands on his hips.

“Alright… empty yer pockets. Both of ya.”

The boys looked at each other and each slowly stuffed a hand into his own pocket. Johnny presented a handful of crickets – now being mercilessly crunched together in his tiny fist. In both hands Benny held a rather large lizard. It squirmed its way free, and Benny scrambled to catch it again, but to no avail. It scurried away frantically, unwilling to give so much as a look back toward its captors.

Seeing that the lizard was now gone and there was no use for the “food” he had caught, Johnny tossed his handful of now half-dead crickets away. He studied the remaining cricket parts that clung his hand and shrugged, wiping them onto his pants.

“We’re sorry Hoss,” Benny explained, “We didn’t mean ta’ run off again… we was just followin’ the lizard…. Guess we followed it a little farther than we reckoned to…”

“I guess you did,” Hoss echoed, nodding. The action made him feel like his Pa and it was a little startling. He knelt in front of his small brothers. “Boys, when yer older, you’ll be able to run around on camping trips like ya want to. But right now, it just ain’t safe. I don’t want to have to tell you again to stay within sight of us. Ya hear?”

Both heads nodded and Hoss herded them on back towards the camp. As they neared the camp, they came across Adam whose face went from panicked worry to immediate relief when he took sight of the boys, their heads lowered shyly to the ground. He crossed his arms and looked down at them, raising an accusatory eyebrow.

“Where have you two been?”

Hoss waved a hand at Adam before he had a chance to give them a second scolding. “Ah, they was followin’ some critter… I done got on to’em already.”

When the four returned to the campsite, they saw Joe comfortably leaning against a tree stump, his hat pulled down over his eyes. Adam and Hoss swapped annoyed glares. The men cleared their throats loudly and Joe awoke.

“Oh, I see you found them…” Joe observed calmly and replaced his hat over his eyes.

“Whudda’ you mean leavin’ it up to us to go look for them while yer here takin’ a nap?” Hoss asked, giving one of Joe’s boots a hard nudge, upsetting his comfortable napping position.

Joe lifted his hat again and shrugged, “Hey, I’ve been looking after not one, but two Bennies for the last few weeks. In that time, I’ve hunted them down I don’t know how many times. The way I see it… it’s your turn, Brothers.”  He smiled broadly at them and leaned back against the tree stump.

Hoss rolled his eyes and shook his head. He turned back to the boys, changing the subject. “Well, it’s mighty hot out here and I’m thinkin’ that creek looks like it’s just the thing to cool me down. How bout ya’ll?”

Benny and Johnny, who had been quite sure they were still in trouble, looked up at him with questioning faces. Suddenly, their frowns spread into toothy grins and they excitedly agreed that a swim in the creek was most decidedly in order. The boys ran ahead of their older brothers (taking care not to get out of their sight), whooping and giggling as they went.

Adam nudged Hoss. “Thought we were gonna take’em fishing?”

Hoss shrugged. “We will but…” he laughed quietly, “I figure if Johnny’s anything like Benny – they’ll both wind up fallin’ in anyway. Might as well get’em wet to start out with, don’t’cha think?”

Adam smiled, agreeing. He looked back over his shoulder at Joe who was already asleep again. He nodded to Hoss and the two decided with a grin that another brother of theirs could do with a cooling dip in the creek as well…

*****

“… Get out the way old Dan Tucker, yer’ too late to eat yer’ supper!” The brothers laughed together as they concluded the final chorus of the song.

“I don’t think we’ve ever gotten through that before without forgettin’ some of the words!” Hoss said, still laughing.

The night was cool but sticky. Bodies lounged around the campfire, each smiling contentedly. With the exception of the trilling locusts in the trees and the sound of the popping fire, silence settled over the campsite.

At length, Adam spoke up. “Well, who’s next?”

“Johnny knows one!” Benny offered, proudly volunteering his brother.

All eyes turned to Johnny, who blushed slightly.

“Would you like to sing one?” Adam asked and Johnny nodded. “And what would you like to sing for us?”

“Whispering Hope…” the six-year-old mumbled. “…My mama taught me…”

“Well, let’s hear it…” Adam said, patting the boy’s back.

Johnny stood up sheepishly and took a deep breath. In a soft and slightly wavering voice he sang:

“Soft as the voice of an angel, breathing a lesson unheard,

Hope, with a gentle persuasion, whispers her comforting word.

Wait till the darkness is over; wait till the tempest is done.

Hope for the sunshine tomorrow, after the shower is gone.

Whispering Hope, oh how welcome thy voice,

Making my heart, in its sorrow, rejoice.”

The melody was beautifully haunting and made for a rather somber mood amongst the older brothers.

“That was right nice, Johnny,” Hoss said, patting the boy on the back. “Ya said yer Mama taught you that song?”

Johnny nodded. “She says it’s a good song to sing when things ain’t goin’ so well…” The boy shrugged indicating the lesson had been a bit lost on him.

Hoss nodded sadly. “I reckon that’ll come in handy someday…”

Chapter 33 – Like Joseph

“What?” Genevieve felt her stomach flutter with the shock of what she’d just heard.

“Why not? Father Fontenot is here; the boys will be back soon…”

She nearly laughed at Ben’s excitement. His face held a giddy smile she had not seen in many years.

She smiled and found herself being infected with his merriment. She quickly shook the silly notions from her mind and attempted to address him rationally.

“Ben… how can you suggest this after all that’s happened? – how can you even think of forgiving me for all I’ve done?”  Genevieve barely finished the question when she gave way to a coughing fit.

Ben helped her sit up and sat next to her waiting for her spell to pass. She felt her chest tighten and she hurt all over. She suddenly wished he were not here with her – to see her like this. When her coughing ended and the waves of pain passed she fell back, exhausted, against her pillows. She closed her eyes, afraid to see the look of horror on his face – the same look her father had once had.

She felt his hand on her forehead and she opened her eyes at last. She was surprised to see him smiling down at her. Not the giddy smile he’d had before, but a comforting smile. He must have sensed her embarrassment because he didn’t make mention of what had just happened. Instead, he continued with their conversation as he bathed her face with a cool, damp cloth.

“I think… we’re both in need of a little forgiveness…”

Genevieve studied his face, regarding him with an element of skepticism. Could this really be happening? She certainly had no right to be experiencing such happiness. It was probably only a dream.

“Ben…I doubt Father Fontenot would agree to marry us – again. Especially after the divorce and all…” she lowered her head sadly. It had been a romantic idea, but a silly one, nonetheless. What right had she to think she could end her life with any degree of happiness?

“Well, we won’t know until we ask, will we?” His smile faded and he touched her cheek softly. “We can’t undo the mistakes we’ve made… but we can keep from making them again. Gen – please – let’s finish what we started…”

She looked solemnly into his face. He was right. They needed to do this – to do their best to fit the broken pieces of their lives back together as best they could. But doing that meant she had to trust him. Once upon a time she had trusted her father… Her mind argued with her heart. He is different. He will be strong and will stay to the end as he promised. Taking a deep inhalation, she nodded her silent, but heartfelt agreement.

Ben smiled broadly and leaned toward her. A sudden commotion downstairs caught their attention, effectively ending their romantic moment, and Ben rose to investigate. Before he’d crossed the room, the door burst open. Benny and Johnny ran in, happily chattering about their camp out.

“Mama!” Johnny bounded onto her bed, followed shortly by his twin. “We slept on the ground outside and I didn’t even have to put a nightshirt on! – Ya just sleep in yer clothes when yer campin, ya know…”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, an’ we went fishin’ and swimmin’,” Benny interrupted, “…course, that was all after Adam and Hoss threw Joe in the creek!”

The boys laughed, both excitedly talking over one another. Genevieve smiled and turned to Ben with a slight pleading look in her eyes. He nodded and stepped forward.

“Well, I’m glad you all had fun,” Ben said as he hushed them playfully with a finger to their lips. “But right now, your Mama and I have something we want to talk to the two of you about.”

*****

Jeanette dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief as she looked around the room. It was an unconventional wedding to say the least, but a beautiful one, nonetheless. On one side of the bed Hoss stood holding Benny. Next to them was Joe. On the opposite side of the bed Adam stood behind Johnny, his hands resting on the boy’s shoulders.

On the bed, Ben sat next to Genevieve, one arm around her shoulders and the other holding one of her hands. Genevieve could not seem to stop smiling and Jeanette’s heart warmed as she saw her sister truly happy for the first time in many years.

She felt a hand on her arm, and she turned to see Father Fontenot offering her a little wink. The elderly man had had to reluctantly refuse to perform the wedding, but she knew he was happy for her sister. Jeanette was grateful to the priest for his steadfast loyalty to Genevieve, despite everything she had done. She saw a slightly impish glimmer in his eye, and she wondered if he hadn’t known all along that things would turn out right in the end.

“I now pronounce you man and wife…. again!” The parson laughed as he closed his Bible.

Ben leaned over and kissed Genevieve. Immediately the bedroom was filled with whoops and congratulatory chatter and hugs and hearty handshakes.

Father Fontenot caught Jeanette’s attention and motioned to the couple. She nodded and took his arm, helping him across the room. When they reached the bed, he placed a hand on Genevieve’s head and murmured his traditional blessing. When he finished, he looked at Ben. The two seemed to have a moment of silent conversation before the priest finally spoke.

“Monsieur Cartwright, I want you – and your family – to know something.” He paused and Jeanette knew he was struggling with his emotions. She gave his arm a little squeeze and he nodded his thanks to her. “You are not the only family to have overcome adversity – or to have endured hardships. Many experience these things, but few are able persevere. There was…” he raised a crooked finger in recollection, “…another family to have gone through many trials as you have – the family of Israel.”

Jeanette saw Benny’s head snap to attention at this and she almost laughed. She knew how much the boy loved the familiar Bible story.

“God has a purpose for everyone, to be certain… but some – some he sets aside for a special calling. You are more like Israel’s family than you know.” The old man turned to Joe. “Israel’s wife had a son and named him Joseph… did you know that your name means ‘may He add to me another son’?”

Joe smiled as the old man turned to Ben. “Not only did the Lord add to you another son – he added twins!”

There was a soft laughter in the room at his words as Benny and Johnny beamed with pride.

“But Israel’s happiness was not to last, for he lost his beloved wife and his son… But God was with them in everything. They’re trials and struggles.”

“An’ in the end,” Benny spoke up excitedly, “Joseph found out all them bad things that happened was all s‘posed to help save a lot of people!”

The old man smiled at the boy and nodded. “Oui, little one, all things work out in His timing. A foolish person believes his struggles only to be a miserable end, but a wise person understands them to be merely a single thread in the larger tapestry of life.”

Benny cocked his head as though trying to understand the priest’s words. Finally, he shrugged and turned to his father. “See, I told ya’ the happy endin’ don’t make sense without all’a the bad stuff!”

Ben stood, approaching the elderly man with an outstretched hand. “Thank you Father Fontenot – for everything.”

After the two shook hands, the old man addressed the room again. “I must go now… ‘May the Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. Amen.”

With that, Jeanette quietly ushered him and the local parson out of the room. Behind her, the bedroom filled with the undeniable sounds of a happy family.

Chapter 34 – Whispering Hope

Soft, as the voice of an angel breathing a lesson unheard,

Ben glanced annoyingly up at the clock on the wall as he patted Genevieve’s forehead with a damp cloth. Where is that doctor?

Genevieve stirred slightly and he looked down at her. She looked like little more than a skeleton – the effect of her having refused any food for the last few days. She opened her eyes and he thought for a moment she would look at him. But the glazed look in her eye told him that she neither saw nor recognized anything. A pang of fear penetrated his gut. Would this be the night?

Two weeks. That was all they’d gotten. Two weeks of being a proper family. Not even two weeks at that. A week after their wedding her health took a dramatic turn for the worse. Overnight it seemed she had gone from bad to worse. These last few days and nights had been spent watching her body slowly succumb to death in such a painful way.

The door opened and Ben rose quickly to greet the doctor.

“Thank God…”

Dr. Ford walked past him, forgoing a greeting. Ben watched him as he examined her, the faintest ember of hope still burning within him. Suddenly, Genevieve began to thrash weakly about on the bed. Both men moved quickly to restrain her but, in her fever- induced stupor, she fought as violently as her frail body would allow.

“Mama!”

Before Ben could turn to see which of his small sons had entered, Dr. Ford pointed at the door and shouted, “Get him out of here!”

Ben’s back was to the door and Genevieve’s convulsions would not allow him to turn around. He heard heavy footsteps and a struggle. “No! Mama!”  All at once, the door slammed shut and the boy’s cries died away.

“Hold her,” the doctor said gruffly as he turned to his medical bag.

Ben did as he was told, shifting his eyes back and forth from his wife to the doctor. Dr. Ford mixed a bit of powder with a glass of water and held it to Genevieve’s lips. After much difficulty, they got her to swallow a good amount of it. At length she settled.

“About all I can do now is just give her enough of this to take some of the pain away… Shouldn’t be long now, I’m afraid… I’m sorry…”

Ben’s throat constricted at the bluntness of the man’s words. He stood numbly next to the bed looking at his wife’s still body. After a long pause, the doctor spoke again.

“I think it would be alright for the boys to come in now…I’ll send them in if you’d like…”

Hope, with a gentle persuasion, whispers her comforting word.

“Mama?” Johnny touched her hand. “Mama?” he repeated quietly.

“She’s gone son,” Ben said hoarsely.

The boy didn’t respond, and Ben wondered if he understood. Johnny lowered his head to her chest, holding fast to her hand. He did not cry, nor did he speak. He just lay there. Ben could hardly stand it. Tears burned against his eyelids as he reached out to put a tender hand on the boy’s head.

“Pa?” Ben felt a small hand on his arm, and he turned to see Benny. The child’s eyes were filled with tears and held steadily on the sight of his mother on the bed.

Ben lifted his son to his chest and Benny rested his head on his shoulder, creating a teary stain on Ben’s shirt. He held Benny tightly in one arm, while his other hand continued to rest gently atop Johnny’s head.

There they stayed for a long while, each saying their own silent goodbyes.

Wait till the darkness is over. Wait till the tempest is done.

“And surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. Amen.”

The rest of the family answered Ben’s recitation of the twenty-third Psalm with their own “Amen.”

Ben looked up at the sky. It was a gorgeous bright blue. It seemed terribly inappropriate for the sky to look so happy when their hearts were filled with sadness. He looked back at his sons.

Hoss held Benny in his large arms. The boy had refused to even look at the grave and Ben couldn’t blame him. He was actually rather surprised they were able to get through the last few days without Benny having an emotional fit. If the worst he did was refuse to look at the grave, that was all right by Ben. Hoss adjusted his brother’s position, wrapping his arms more fully around him and Benny clung tightly to his neck.

Adam and Joe stood next to Hoss, the cuffs of their pants muddied from digging the grave a few hours before. They both stared forlornly at the ground. Joe’s hair looked disheveled and Adam was in need of a shave. Both served as a visual reminder to Ben of how hard the last couple of days had been on them all.

He turned back to the grave. Johnny sat next to it in the mud, hugging his knees to his chest. Ben nodded to his grown sons. They returned the gesture and took their leave. Ben approached the boy and knelt next to him.

“It hurts right here.” Johnny said quietly, pointing to his stomach.

“I know…” Ben nodded, putting a hand on his son’s shoulder. “It hurts there for me too.”

“She’s not coming back, is she?”

“No son… she’s not.”

Johnny nodded his understanding. “Guess I thought when she went ta’ heaven… she’d just be there fer’ a visit…”

Johnny looked up and Ben could see that he was crying. He was relieved to see his son shed his first tears over Genevieve’s death. Ben put his arm around the boy and Johnny crumbled against his chest in sobs. He gathered the child in his arms and allowed him to cry. This was not the first time he had comforted a small boy at the graveside of his mother.

Hope for the sunshine tomorrow, after the shower is gone.

Ben came out of the house just as Hoss and Adam were loading the last of their luggage into the carriage. Across the yard, Ben could see Joe and Benny sitting under the shade of an old oak tree. He could hear them talking, but they were too far away for him to understand what they were saying. He had a pretty good idea what their conversation was about, and he was thankful his young sons had brothers who could talk about difficult things with them.

“Are we about ready?” Ben asked.

“Yeah, I reckon so… I’ll go tell Benny an’ Joe…” Hoss offered.

Ben turned to Adam. “Where’s Johnny?” Adam nodded toward the back of the house and Ben frowned.

As he rounded the house, Ben found Johnny placing a handful of crumpled flowers on his mother’s grave. He approached quietly, not wanting to disturb him.

“Seems strange ta’ just leave’er here…” he mumbled, knowing his father stood behind him though he hadn’t turned to see him.

“I know it does… We’re ready to leave, but if you’d like some more time here…”

Johnny shook his head and turned, looking up to Ben.

“I’m ready…”

Ben nodded and took the boy by the hand and turned back to the house.

“Your Aunt Jeanette is waiting inside the house for you to say goodbye to her…”

“Okay…

The two walked slowly back to the house. Ben tried to resist the urge but couldn’t help turning back for one last look at Genevieve’s grave. Ben cleared his throat gruffly and pressed onward. It was time to go home.

Whispering Hope, oh how welcome thy voice.

The ranch house was quiet at last as Ben made his way from the dining room to his study. He sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets. It felt good to be home, but it also felt strange. Life had seemed to slow down considerably in the couple of weeks since they had returned to the Ponderosa. Johnny seemed to be adjusting to his new life on a ranch – though he still seemed sad and withdrawn. Ben knew it was only to be expected, though. Benny, however, was more than happy to get back to his familiar routine and took great pleasure in showing Johnny all of the advantages to living on the Ponderosa. Ben smiled as he recalled the look on Johnny’s face when he was told that, as soon as he learned to ride well enough, he would be given a pony of his own.

As was expected, a good deal of work had piled up in their absence and everyone was eager to get caught up. There were horses to be broken, timber contracts to bid for and preparations needed to be made for the fall that would soon be upon them.

Ben stopped at his desk, his hands still in his pockets, and sighed again. Life goes on.

The sound of laughter out in the yard pulled him from his thoughts. He crossed to the window and drew back the curtain. Benny and Johnny, who were supposed to be stacking firewood, had abandoned their chore for some sort of game. He saw Adam cross the yard and point sternly at them and then at the woodpile. He said something that Ben couldn’t quite make it out. The boys nodded and returned to the woodpile, trying hard to suppress their giggling. Adam then returned to the other side of the yard where he had been helping Hoss and Joe repair the spokes of a wagon wheel.

Ben chuckled softly and shook his head as he turned from the window. His older sons boasted about how much work they would be able to accomplish the following week when Benny and Johnny began attending school, but Ben knew better. Sure, they would get more work done, but he knew they would miss having the boys around all day.

He sat down at his desk as his eyes scanned the mounds of paperwork that awaited his attention. Somewhere past the unending pile of receipts and ledgers sat three gold frames. He looked at each of them and frowned thoughtfully. He pulled open a few of the drawers before he found what he was looking for. At last, he withdrew a fourth gold frame. He held it for a moment, brushing away the dust with his fingers. He leaned over and set the frame next to the others. A faint but satisfied smile. Everyone was home at last.

Making my heart, in its sorrow, rejoice.

*****

Epilogue

My child,

As promised, I have been with you in everything. Even during the times when you felt no evidence of my presence, I was there – I am everywhere.

I was there when you found her letter saying she was leaving. I helped steady your mind and voice as you broke the news to your family.I was present at their birth. It was I who caused one to be sick and one to remain healthy. Just as it was I who provided the doctor to restore health.

I was with my servant, the priest, as he journeyed across the wilderness with your child. And it was I who caused the doctor’s letter to be lost.I was with you on that evening when you received the shocking news of a new son. And I remained with you through those first six years of his life, giving you strength and wisdom in your old age to raise another child.

I was the judge in the courtroom who dealt you the painful verdict that your son would be taken from you. But I was also the calming assurance that overcame you to help you realize you needed to persevere.

I was there when you discovered yet another child. And I remained with you despite your unwillingness to forgive a sick woman. Even during your anger and self-pity, I was there.

I was there when you listened to her story. You held her hand and offered her comfort; at the same time, I was holding your hand and offering you the same. It was I who broke your heart and helped you forgive. And I was there with you even as I called her home.

I have been with you in everything. In my love for you I have blessed you many times over. I have entrusted you with five sons and you have not failed me. I gave you tears so that you might teach them how to grieve; I gave you a tender heart that you might teach them compassion; and I gave you a firm hand that you might teach them the consequences of foolish decisions. Because of your faithfulness they will go on to accomplish the many things I have planned for them. Their stories will be a continuation of your own.

My child, your time draws near, but do not be fooled. Your journey is not yet complete. There are still things left for you to do. Do not be concerned, though, for I know the ending of your story. I have written it with my own hand. But in all things, remember this: I am with you. Always.

The End