Summary: The Cartwrights learn to play whatever hand life deals them.

Rating: PG for some violence and death of character(s). / Words: 52,100

Like Joseph Series

Like Joseph
Whatever My Lot

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Acknowledgements: Special thanks to Kaatje, Adamsdarling, Kemarlow, Holliday, & Cowboy Jim (and many others) who were so encouraging to me during this story’s time as a WIP.

 

This was originally a WIP in the Bonanza World forum and was posted in its completion to the BW Library in December of 2007. Thank you to BluewindFarm and Cheaux and Bonanza Brand for helping preserve the older fanfic stories like this one.

Whatever My Lot – A Sequel to Like Joseph

 

Chapter 1 – Leaving

“Benny?” Ben called his youngest as he strode up the stairs.

“Benny?” he repeated as he entered the boy’s bedroom. “There you are… I’ve been looking all over for you. Grace brought the new dress shirts she made for you and Johnny to wear at Joe and Ellen’s wedding. She wants you to try them on and…” Ben trailed off when he noticed the seven-year-old was lying face down on his bed, giving no indication he was listening.

“Benny… what’s the matter?” Ben entered the room and sat next to his son on the bed. When he received no answer, he placed a hand on the boy’s head. No fever.

“All right now, you’re not sick…” he pulled the boy up to a sitting position. As he did, something fell off the bed and to the floor with a loud thud. Ben reached down to pick it up. It was Benny’s toy gun belt and gun that his older brothers had given him. Ben placed it on the bed next to him. He looked up at his son and noticed for the first time his tear-streaked face.

“What’s the matter?”

Benny crumbled into his chest with great heaving sobs. Dumbfounded at his son’s hysterics, he rocked him for a moment.

“Alright now… tell me what’s wrong…” He pulled the boy away and hushed him.

Benny’s answered between hiccupped sobs. “It’s…. just…. not… the…. same…” he squeaked out, wiping his eyes and nose in one smooth motion on his sleeve.

“What’s not the same?” Ben asked, reaching into his vest pocket for a handkerchief.

“First Johnny came….Adam and Ruth got married…Hoss and Grace gonna have a baby and… Joe’s gettin’ married and now… ya’ll are all leavin’.” Benny took his father’s handkerchief and wiped ineffectively at his nose.

Ben smiled sympathetically and put his arm around the boy. Benny had never been one to accept change easily. He’d adjusted well to his twin brother coming to live with them, to Hoss’s and Adam’s marriages and even to the announcement that he would soon become an uncle. And last week, they’d all been surprised with the announcement of Joe and Ellen’s engagement. It wasn’t that he didn’t love his new family members, because he did. Benny, much like Hoss, always gave his heart freely and in full. Where he had difficulty was unknown, the rippled effects of change. Change meant that things might perhaps be worse instead of better. However, Benny had taken all of the change over the last year in pretty good stride; even when Hoss and Adam had each married and had moved out of the ranch house into their own homes. Ben had convinced himself that one short year had matured the boy enough to accept the ever-changing nature of life, and perhaps it had. But there had been one final blow that had apparently been the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

Since their return from New Orleans a year ago, Ben and his older sons had taken great care in trying to make Johnny feel at home on the Ponderosa, while also assuring Benny that no one would ever force him to leave them again. Ben had been very adamant since their return about not going away on business if it wasn’t absolutely necessary. But this morning they’d received a wire from the Army saying that Ben, Adam, Hoss and Joe were all needed in Sacramento to sign the contracts for the horses they were to train and sell for the officers there – news that Benny interpreted as another life-altering change.

Benny was beginning to calm down and only an occasional whimper shook his small frame.

Ben picked up the gunbelt again and turned it over to reveal the message burned into the leather on the inside of the belt. Pa, Adam, Hoss, Joe and Benny. Together Always.

“When your brothers gave this to you last year… they weren’t sure they would ever see you again…” Ben took a deep breath as Benny’s piercing blue eyes raised to meet his.

“You know… it really doesn’t matter what happens to us in life. We have to take the good and the bad. But we can always know that we carry the love of our family in our hearts… just like you did when you went to New Orleans.”

Ben pulled the boy onto his lap and encircled him with his arms. “I know with Adam and Hoss being married, things are a lot different. They don’t have time for as much fishing and hunting and playing with you boys like they used to… but they still love you very much. But they have to take care of their new families now. And soon Joe will be married too…”

Benny nodded, leaning against his father’s chest. “I’m never gettin’ married…” he said grotesquely. “Johnny may – he’s sweet on Eloise Conrad at school, ya know – but not me. It’ll just be you and me forever. Right Pa?”

“You mean I’m stuck with you?!” Ben laughed and tickled the boy, causing him to begin giggling and squirming.

“Forever!” Benny laughed.

Ben pulled his son into a warm embrace. “That’s just fine by me, boy.”

****

“Mister Adam and Mister Hoss here now…” Hop Sing said as he poured Ben more coffee.

“Thank you, Hop Sing,” Ben wiped his mouth on his napkin and looked up at Joe. “Is everything all ready?”

“I’ll go out and make sure…”

With that Joe excused himself from the breakfast table.

Ben looked up at his very forlorn youngest sons. “Now that’s enough of that. It’s only for a week or so. Then we’ll all be back.”

The boys nodded, both staring at their full plates. Neither had eaten more than a few bites.

“Now I want you to remember what I say… You are to mind Ruth and do everything she says. You hear?”

Two “yessirs” were mumbled and Ben nodded, satisfied that they would give his newest daughter-in-law no trouble.

The opening of the front door brought all three heads up. Father and sons stood politely as Ruth entered the house.

“Everthin’s ready Pa,” Hoss said, setting down Ruth’s small trunk of clothes. “We best get goin’…. Oh, hey boys.”

“Hoss, guess what!” Benny said, a grin breaking through his sadness. “Johnny and me, we get to ‘take care’a the place’ while ya’ll are gone, on account’a we’re the ‘men of the house’ now.”

Benny stood, showing off his toy gunbelt with pride.

“Well, ya certainly look prepared to me!” Hoss said ruffling his youngest brother’s raven hair.

“Heaven help any bandits that try to stir up trouble with even the littlest of Cartwrights!” Ruth said, smiling.

“Hey Ruth!” Benny ran to her, and she stooped down to give him a hug. They were soon joined by Johnny who presented her with a handful of crumpled wildflowers retrieved from his pocket.

“Thank you, kind sir!” She said with a little curtsey.

Ben stood from the table, releasing a deep chuckle. “Well, we’d better get going.” He crossed to where Ruth stood. “Now everything is taken care of… Hop Sing is here. Our foreman, Hank, will be checking in with you from time to time to see if you need anything, and of course all the ranch hands will be around and about…”

“Thank you, I’m sure we’ll get along just fine.”

With that, the group left the house. In the yard, Joe and Adam had finished loading their few bags into the buckboard and were conversing quietly as they waited. They looked up as the rest of the family came out of the house. Ben stopped at the edge of the porch and accepted a kiss and hug from the twins. He was followed by Joe, who said his goodbyes to the boys as well. Hoss had just bent down to give both boys a hug when Adam and Ruth passed them to reentered the house.

“Where are they goin’?” Johnny asked.

“They’re just saying goodbye, Little Brother,” Joe explained.

“But why’re they goin’ in there to say g’bye?” Johnny asked, scratching his head.

Joe looked at the amused grins on Hoss’s and his father’s faces and he reddened.

“They just want to…” Joe said, casting a warning glance at Hoss, who had started to laugh.

“But why…”

“Because you’re not old enough to know why – that’s why.” Joe said shortly, not wishing to have to explain why a man and his new bride would want to say their goodbyes in private.

Johnny frowned, confused. At last, he shrugged his shoulders at the whole thing and moved to tell Hoss goodbye.

Soon, all the Cartwright men were loaded on the buckboard and driving away to the waves and wishes of a safe trip from the trio left behind.

Chapter 2 – A Long Day

The stage was uncomfortably cramped with four large Cartwrights plus an elderly woman and her pet Pekinese. The passengers had jostled along for hours, making only minimal conversation. Hoss had spent most of the trip so far with his hat pulled low over his eyes, snoring loudly. Adam was absorbed in a book while Joe had watched the miles of western landscape scroll by outside his window. Ben had attempted to engage the older woman in some polite dialog, but his efforts had been quickly and curtly dismissed. At last, he too had pulled his hat over his eyes and taken a nap.

“So, how do you think it’s going with Ruth and the boys?” Joe asked, a teasing grin spreading across his face.

His voice brought his father and Hoss out of their half-sleep and they sat up, one stretching and the other yawning.

“I dunno…” Adam said, putting his book down. “She was pretty nervous about it… She’s never had much experience with children.”

Joe laughed, “Whooo-wee, she’s gonna have a time of it then!”

Ben crossed his arms and looked at his son coolly. “And just what do you mean by that?”

Joe looked at him apologetically. “Oh, nothin’ Pa… it’s just… well… you know Benny and Johnny….”

Ben nodded, raising his eyebrows. “Yes, I do… And I know they are well behaved and obedient – which is more than I could say for you at that age!”

Joe frowned at the snickers of his older brothers and hurried on to explain himself. “Sure, they’re well behaved, but… they just have a knack for getting themselves into a pickle. That’s all I’m sayin’.”

“As rare as it is for Joe to be right, he is right Pa,” Adam said smugly.

Ben looked up, frowning.

“Yep, that little Three and a Half Foot Circus can get themselves into the darndest messes quicker’n you can shake a stick at’em.” A grin spread across Hoss’s face as he spoke.

“Yes, and they do always seem to get in the worst messes when they’re with you…” Adam said, picking up his book again.

“Now that just ain’t true, Adam!” Hoss’s voice boomed in the small confines of the coach, causing the older woman to start. “Oh… sorry ma’am.”

The woman huffed and pulled her dog more closely as she retreated further into the corner of the seat.

“Oh really? And I suppose you always come home covered in mud after a day of training horses, hmm?” Adam didn’t look up from his book.

Hoss frowned at Joe’s howling laughter.

“Oh sure…” the big man put a finger in his younger brother’s face, “you laugh about it now… but you didn’t think it was very funny then. Besides, that was all your fault, Little Brother!”

Ben chuckled long and low. “I remember that little incident…. We hadn’t been back from New Orleans for more that a few weeks and Hoss had been trying to find a chance to talk to Mr. Hawthorne about courting Gracie…”

 

“Hoss didn’t happen to tell you when he planned to be home tonight, did he, Joe?”

Joe looked up from the checkerboard, bringing his attention to his father. “Huh?”

“Hoss. I asked you when he’d be back with the boys – it’s getting late.”

“Oh,” Joe said absently, “I don’t remember… I was sure he would have been home by supper…”

“Supper was over more than an hour and a half ago,” Adam said, a hint of worry on his face, “Maybe I should go out and look for them.”

Ben looked at the clock and exhaled thoughtfully.

“Perhaps we’d all better go…” Ben was interrupted by heavy footsteps approaching the front door. “That must be them…”

Before Ben made it to the entryway the door flung open, and in walked Hoss, tired and caked from head to toe in dried mud. In his arms he carried two equally muddy little boys who were sound asleep, heads resting on each of his shoulders.

“There you all are,” Ben stepped forward, Adam and Joe on his heels, “We were just coming out to find you.”

“What happened to you, Big Brother?” Joe asked, turning his nose up at the filthy state of his brothers.

“You.” Hoss said, his brow lowered evenly over his eyes.

All heads turned to Joe. “Huh?”

“You.” Hoss repeated as he took slow and purposeful steps into the house.

“M-me?”

Hoss nodded and proceeded ever so slowly toward him. He paused near their father and handed off one sleeping boy and then handed the other to Adam, all the while keeping his eyes sternly fixed on Joe.

“N-now… Hoss…what in the world did I do?” Joe took several nervous steps backward.

“You,” Hoss stopped inches away from his brother and put a finger in his face. “You promised if I’d take Benny and Johnny fishin’ this morning to get’em outt’a yer hair, that you’d fix that rig out there and come to get them after lunch so’s I could get to the Hawthorn place in time to help Grace’s pa with that new mare he bought.”

“Oh… yeah…” Joe offered lamely. “Gee, Hoss, I’m really sorry… I must have forgotten…”

Hoss grabbed Joe by his shirt collar and pulled him closer.

“Do you have any idea how difficult it is to work with an orn’ry nag, while tryin’ to convince a cantankerous old man that he should let me court his daughter while the Three and a Half Foot Circus is trying ‘help’ Mrs. Hawthorn feed her chickens? Tell me Joe… have you ever seen chickens STAMPEDE?… It ain’t a pretty sight!”

Ben raised his hands to halt his son’s tirade. “Three and a Half Foot Circus?”

Adam smiled, nodding to the boys they were holding. “Meet the Three and a Half Foot Circus.” He spoke dramatically as though he were the ringmaster. “Don’t let their current state of angelic slumber fool you – by day they’re a three-ring adventure!”

Ben rolled his eyes at his oldest son’s banter and shifted the sleeping child he held to one arm.

“We need to get these two cleaned up, fed and put to bed…Oh, Hoss?” Ben motioned to his sons’ mud-caked clothing. “The… um… circus?”

Hoss nodded.

“How…”

“You don’t wanna know, Pa…” Hoss said evenly. “I’m going to take a bath and then I’m going to bed. And I don’t wanna see another Cartwright – big nor small – till tomorrow.”

 

The men all laughed at the memory.

“I don’t know how I ever convinced Gracie’s father to let me court her after that fiasco – let along marry her!” Hoss said, still laughing.

“Well,” Ben said, a smile still lingering on his face, “They’re good boys with good intentions – even if trouble does seem to flock to them. Seems to me, though, they get that from their older brothers…”

Three heads looked up incredulously. “Us?” Joe asked in disbelief.

Ben raised an eyebrow at this and nodded. “Nearly started a war with the Paiute by taking the chief’s daughter to a saloon dance; almost got himself killed by Hank Myers after trying to woo his girl for him; Spring Fever,” he reeled off, pointing at Joe, Adam and Hoss respectively.

“It seems to me…” The men looked up in surprise, having almost forgotten about the elderly woman who shared their coach. The woman looked Ben up and down, frowned and then looked back down at her dog. “…That a man with sons so prone to mishaps might do better to quit procreating.” She wagged a crooked finger in Ben’s face.

“I couldn’t agree with you more, madam.” Ben said, giving her a wink.

The woman scowled at him and turned her attention back to her Pekinese. The dog had been lying motionless in her lap the entire trip.

Hoss’s face went sour at the sight of the dog. “Ma’am… are you sure yer dog there is all right?” Hoss reached out a hand to feel if the dog was even breathing. “He ain’t moved all mornin… Whoa! Loooook out.” Hoss pulled his hand away just before the dog’s little jaws could clamp down on his finger.

“See what I mean?” Ben sat back pulling his hat back down over his eyes. “Trouble. The whole lot of you.”

****

The summer heat radiated from the front yard as Ruth opened the front door. It was only lunch time, and the temperature was sure to get another ten degrees or so hotter before the day was through. She dismissed her thoughts of the weather and proceeded out to call the boys in for lunch.

She crossed the yard and entered the barn. She looked around. The stalls were still messy, and the three cows were bawling in discomfort from having not been milked, and was that a pair of little boy’s pants draped over a stall gate? Ruth put her hands firmly on her hips in irritation.

“Benny? Johnny? You two come out here right now! You were supposed to finish these chores before…”

She was interrupted by a trembling “Shhhh…”

She turned to see two identical faces peeking timidly over a mound of hay.

“What on earth….”

“Shhh!!” Both boys repeated in a panic, then pointed.

She turned to follow their wide-eyed stares. There, waddling toward her, was a mother skunk followed by a line of her babies. She gasped and hurried behind the hay mound to join the boys.

She looked at her two young charges. Benny was completely soaked, and Johnny was clad only in his underwear and a shirt. Suddenly she started giggling uncontrollably. Both boys looked at her, completely baffled.

“I’m sorry,” She tried to keep her voice to a whisper so as not to attract the attention of the family of skunks. “I was just remembering something your brothers told me is all…”

The Three and a Half Foot Circus. That’s what they had called the twins when they explained to her how the boys just seemed to attract trouble.

At last, she composed herself and turned her attention back to the boys.

“We can’t stay here all day waiting for those skunks to leave…”

The boys frowned apprehensively.

“We’re just going to run as fast as we can,” she announced confidently. “Got it?”

The twins looked at each other, grimacing.

“Don’t worry, we’ll make it. Ready? One… Two… Three… GO!”

The boys had jumped the hay mound and were out the door like a flash of lightning. Ruth, on the other hand, had tripped on her skirts, nearly falling on top of the group of rodents. She stared at them in horror from her precarious position on the barn floor as the entire family turned and raised their tails.

Several hours and few tomato baths later, Ruth finally got the whole of the story from the boys. It seemed that they had been about to milk the cows when the family of skunks wandered up. The boys had tried to run away, but the cuff of Johnny’s pants had gotten snagged on the stall gate. Motivated by fear of being sprayed, Johnny had wiggled out of his boots and pants as quickly as he could. He didn’t, however, see that Benny had delayed his own flight to offer a hand to help him up. Johnny turned and barreled into his brother, landing Benny in the cows’ watering trough. Since the skunks were now blocking their way to the barn door, the boys dove behind the pile of hay and had been there for nearly an hour when Ruth happened along. The boys were quite confused at her hysterical laughter as they gave their explanation, interrupted here and there by profuse apologies. In the end, she’d sent them to bed, assuring them that they wouldn’t be punished for circumstances beyond their control.

Later, Ruth went in to check on the boys before she herself turned in for the night. Benny had long since kicked his covers off and they lay in a wrinkled pile on the floor. Johnny had somehow managed to turn himself quite sideways on his bed, so that his head dangled off one side and his legs off the other. She moved quietly to his bed and righted his position. As she did, he mumbled something about “real sorry you still smell bad” and fell back asleep. She smiled as she left the room. Circus, indeed.

 

Chapter 3 – The Beginning of a Nightmare

“Are you telling me this was the ‘urgent business’ that require all four of us to come all the way out here?” Ben’s voice boomed in the small office that belonged to Sergeant O’Leary.

“I’m sorry Mr. Cartwright,” the sergeant said, shifting uncomfortably, “Just following orders.

Ben exploded at the man, “This could have been settled by one of us, and…”

Ben’s tirade was interrupted by Hoss. “Pa…”

Not ready to give up his irritation, Ben turned to his large son, hands firmly in his hips. “I’m sorry, but of all the times for the Army to decide that we all needed to be here to sign a silly piece of paper – since when isn’t the signature of any one Cartwright worth that of the whole lot? I’ll have you know,” Ben turned wagging a finger in the sergeant’s face, “that I left two small boys and Adam left a wife of not more than one month and Hoss! Hoss’s wife is expecting any day now! I want to speak to your superior!”

Adam and Joe shifted their positions, both as irritated as their father, but not inclined to join his tirade.

Hoss sighed wearily. “Pa,” he repeated, tugging on his father’s arm. “Let’s just take care of this and get on home.”

Ben scowled but conceded. “Where’s that dadblamed contract?”

Sergeant O’Leary slid a stack of papers across the desk along with a pen.

“Oh, and Colonel Macy wants all of’em to be bays – says he don’t want his officers showing off on any fancy palominos or nothin’. And remember – no cattle trainin’ on any of’em. The men get tired of their horses wantin’ to herd every buffalo they see…”

Ben commented under his breath about “wasting good horses on lousy riders” and picked up the pen. As he finished his signature, a young private burst through the door.

“Sergeant O’Leary!” The private gave a quick salute and hurried on, not waiting for permission from his superior to speak. “We just got word from Virginia City that a band of renegade Indians have been ransacking the outlying homesteads and murdering every white person they see. A unit is already on its way over there from Utah, but the wire says they need as many troops as we can spare.”

The Cartwright men stared blankly at the private, each processing what they’d just heard.

“Don’t they know we’ve got our own Indian problems out here?” Sergeant O’Leary bellowed, throwing his hands up.

“Not like this, sir…” the private said, fear evident in his voice, “These are hundreds of Indians – all manner of tribes…”

“A war?” the sergeant said in disbelief.

“This can’t be!” Ben said, finding his voice at last. “The Indians around Virginia City are peaceful for the most part…”

The sergeant ignored Ben’s comment. “When did all this start?”

The private looked down at the wire, rereading it quickly. “Early this morning…. Seems they’re still at it – or they were whenever this was sent.”

“Pa…” Joe said quietly, “The Ponderosa… what about…” he looked apologetically at Adam. “What about Ruth and the boys?”

Ben moved quickly for the door. “Hoss, go talk to the people at the stage stage office – tell them the situation. Pay whatever you need to be make sure we’re the only one’s on board, ‘cause we’ll be riding hard… Joe go get our stuff from the hotel?”

“What are we gonna do?” Adam asked with his hands resting on his hips.

Ben turned and looked at his family gravely. “We’re gonna go get as many rifles and as much ammunition as we can….”

Ben nodded his dismissal to the sergeant and private, his anger from before completely forgotten. With that, all four Cartwrights were out the door.

****

“I take Mister Benny down to cellar,” Hop Sing said to Johnny as he led Benny by the hand toward the kitchen, “Little boy need herbal tea for runny nose.”

Benny shot the cook a pleading grimace at the mere mention of the tea but followed obediently. In the great room, Johnny couldn’t help but smile in spite of his brother’s misfortune. He’d had Hop Sing’s herbal tea for “little boys’ runny noses” before and he didn’t envy Benny in the least.

Johnny knelt in front of the fireplace and dumped his bag of toy soldiers on the hearth. He lined them up in neat, even rows and sighed heavily. He was bored. Something awful had happened that morning, but no one would tell them about it. He wagered it must have been really horrible because Mr. Watts, the Ferrier, had come early that morning with a message that Ruth was needed in town by Doc Martin. A few hours later Mr. Watts had returned saying it was time to trim and shoe all of the saddle horses. Johnny thought that was strange as it had only been two weeks since he’d been by. It seemed to Johnny that it had taken Mr. Watts a good deal longer today to finish his job. At last, though, he’d come in and announced to Hop Sing that he would be going back to town bring Ruth home. He shrugged, turning his attention back to his toys. He played for a few minutes and sighed. Why won’t they let us go outside and play? he wondered.

At last, he stood and went to the window to look outside. The sun was setting, casting long shadows in the front yard. Light spilled out of the barn onto the ground. Johnny frowned, hadn’t Mr. Watts left? The boy looked back at his toys and turned up his nose. He would go out and see if Mr. Watts needed any help. That would bring him temporary relief from his boredom and surely there could be nothing wrong with disobeying if he was trying to help somebody. He cast a wary glance toward the kitchen and walked out the door determinedly.

“I thought you were goin’ back to town, Mr. Watts,” Johnny said as he opened the barn door. “You already shoed all’a the horses, and it’s getting’ dark.” The boy froze suddenly, his face going pale at the sight before him. Mr. Watts and the ranch foreman, Hank, were lying in two bloody heaps on the floor.

Johnny shook his head, willing the horrific sight to disappear. Finally, in shear fright, he turned and bolted from the barn in the direction of the bunk house.

“Help! Someone help!!”

He stopped short, when a tall Indian emerged from the bunk house, clad in brightly colored feathers and face paint and holding a rifle. Johnny stood as a statue, afraid to move. For a few moments the two regarded one another, calculating. Then, three more Indians appeared, all carrying long bloody spears. A fourth, more elaborately decorated, came from the direction of the barn and yelled something, pointing at Johnny.

Slowly the first Indian drew up his rifle, pointing it at the boy. Johnny felt his limbs go numb. He couldn’t find his voice, but even if he could, he wasn’t sure it would do any good. There was no one left to hear him scream.

A moment later a shot rang out and Johnny Cartwright fell to the ground.

****

Ruth Cartwright raised a dirty hand in an effort to smooth her the wayward wisps of her raven hair, her other hand holding the reins of her horse. It had been a weary and horrifying day. At last count, almost forty people were wounded or dying and many more were dead as a result of the renegade Indian attacks.

She had been going about her daily chores that morning when Eli Watts had come with word from Dr. Martin that he needed help tending the wounded. She had felt grossly inadequate, but she knew with her short year of experience assisting an elderly doctor in Carson City, she was the best candidate. Reluctantly she had left with him, leaving Benny and Johnny in the care of Hop Sing and giving the ranch hands a frantic admonition to keep an alert eye on things. Mr. Watts had ridden with her to see that she made it to town safely, but she had begged him to go back and see that the boys remained safe. Reluctantly, he agreed and left her with a promise that he would come back for her that evening to see that she made it home safely before dark.

The rest of the day had been spent instructing women how to care for those with minor injuries as well as assisting Paul with the more severely wounded. As she’d gone about her various tasks, she had a constant worry in the back of her mind about the boys back at the ranch house. She had waited for Mr. Watts to come get her, but he had never come. As the hours ticked slowly by, she became worried and borrowed a horse to hurry herself home, praying that it was just one of the boys’ inadvertent mishaps that had kept Eli from coming to get her as he’d promised.

She sighed wearily as she kicked her horse to a faster gate, not altogether certain she had done the right thing in leaving the boys on the Ponderosa. However, she’d been left with little choice. Taking them with her was too dangerous, as they didn’t know if the Indians’ siege against the local white settlers was ended yet. If she had felt overwhelmed three days ago when Adam and the rest of the Cartwright men had left, it was nothing compared to the heavy weight of worry that pressed upon her stomach now. She had felt honored that Ben had trusted her with the keeping of her two young brothers-in-law. It was not a job she had taken lightly, but, with the exception of her year as a doctor’s assistant, she’d had relatively little experience with children.

She looked up to judge whether or not she could make it home before nightfall. She rounded a bend and a look of horror washed over her face as she looked up to see a black pillar of smoke standing tall against the horizon. The Ponderosa! The boys!

****

When Ruth drew her horse up to a stop in the yard, she gasped. The bunkhouse was on fire. She hastened down from the animal, fumbling with her long skirts as she did. Before she could make another move, Hop Sing came running out of the house with a bucket of water in each hand.

“Hop Sing!” Her voice held a mixture of fright and relief.

“Missy Cartlight! I put out fire – you see to Mister Johnny! Go quick!”

Ruth didn’t ask for an explanation, she turned and ran into the house. The sounds of a little boy’s cries lead her to the guest bedroom. Inside, Benny was perched on the bed beside his twin brother, holding a bloody towel as tightly as he could against Johnny’s shoulder. She ran to the bed.

“What happened?” she asked, taking the towel from Benny and looking underneath.

The boy answered in heaving sobs. She couldn’t understand him.

Ruth soaked as much blood as she could, identifying it as a gunshot wound. The good news was it was only his shoulder. The bad news, he had lost a lot of blood. She checked his pulse. It was weak, but steady.

She turned to the now wailing little boy sitting across the bed from her. “Benny… Benny, look at me…” she held his face in her hands to gather his attention. “I need you to get me some water and my sewing kit – remember where it is?” The boy nodded, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. “Go quick!”

Benny scrambled off the bed, still whimpering and ran to do as bidden.

Ruth turned back to the boy lying motionless on the bed. Johnny’s face was pale, and his brow was beaded with perspiration. She had seen too much death and suffering already today, and now this… She felt her throat constrict and a single sob escaped. Quickly, she recomposed herself and began removing the child’s shirt. She would need to hold it together a little longer.

****
“Missy Cartlight…” Hop Sing shook her gently to wake her. “Missy Cartlight…”

Ruth forced her eyes to open. She lay there a moment reorienting herself. She was lying in the middle of the large bed. Benny was nuzzled up against her on one side and Johnny was on her other side, both were asleep. When had she fallen asleep?

“Missy Cartlight…” Hop Sing repeated, “Hop Sing put fire out and take care of bodies.”

“Fire? Bodies?” she echoed, confused. In sudden realization, she sat upright with a gasp.

“All hired hands dead,” he explained sadly.

“All of them?!” she gasped. “…Mr. Watts?”

Hop Sing only nodded. “You take care of number four son?”

She nodded, placing a hand on Johnny’s forehead. It was warm and his face was deathly pale. “I’ve done everything I know to do… I hope it’s enough.”

“Hop Sing sit with little boys tonight, Missy Cartlight go get sleep.”

Ruth shook her head. “I think it would be better if we all stayed in here tonight… In fact,” she got up and headed to the door leading into the dining room, “I’ll go get two rifles.” She started out the door then turned back. “Hop Sing, do you know how to use a gun.”

The cook nodded.

“Good,” she said quietly, “that makes one of us…”

 

Chapter 4 – Remembrances

Joe pulled his handkerchief from his pocket and wiped the sweat from his face. He pulled the shade away from the stage window and rolled his eyes at the slow speed the driver was taking. At this rate it would be two full days before they arrived back at the Ponderosa.

He looked over at his father and brothers. Worry was evident on their faces, though they tried to remain patient as they traveled. Since they’d left Sacramento, the worst scenarios had been running through Joe’s head. What if they returned home to find to find themselves short four Cartwrights? What if something had happened to Ellen? Ellen… Joe’s thoughts transported him back to the last time he’d spoken with her, just before they’d left for Sacramento…

 

“Joe, I can’t bear to think of you going away for two weeks,” Ellen said softly, her deep brown eyes glimmering with unshed tears.

“What’s this?” Joe lifted her chin and brushed her forehead with a kiss. “I’ve been gone before…”

“I know, it’s just… when you went away before, I didn’t know that I was going to be Mrs. Joseph Cartwright.”

Joe smiled, understanding. “Darlin’, are you gonna have enough tears for every business trip, every cattle drive?”

Ellen pushed away from him and dabbed at her eyes with a lace handkerchief.

“I know it’s part of life… I just didn’t think you’d have to leave so soon – I mean, we only announced our engagement last week.”

Joe moved behind her, encircling her in his arms. “I promise I’ll do whatever I can to make this trip as short as possible.” He turned her to face him. “But it seems to me, this could work out pretty good for you.”

“How so?”

“Well, you won’t have me hangin’ around keeping you from all those busy wedding preparations and…” He smiled at her impishly, “It gives you a chance to offer my condolences to all those other beaus you’ve been keeping.”

“Joseph Cartwright!”

She raised a hand to slap him, but he caught her hand and snuck a quick kiss on her cheek. She struggled for a moment, but relented in an outburst of giggling as he brought her into his arms again.

“Just be careful, okay?” she said, sobering.

“Hey,” Joe said innocently, “I’m the last one you need to worry about.”

 

It had never occurred to him when he spoke those words that he might need to worry about her safety while he was gone. What would he ever do without Ellen Hart? – soon to be Ellen Cartwright.

He was shaken from his thoughts by the stage rolling to stop. All four men looked up, irritated. The driver, a scruffy-faced old codger poked his head in the door.

“Sorry – I know yer all itchin’ to get home, but it’s gettin’ nigh on to dark, and this is the last waterin’ hole for almost a day. Best to stop here fer the night…”

The men nodded, disappointed. “Well,” Hoss said, “may as well get out and set up camp…”

The men agreed and exited the coach. Each bent down to the watering hole and washed the dust from his face and neck. Hoss let out a low chuckle, turning everyone’s attention to him.

He gave them a slight smile. “The first time I met Gracie, I was bending over Lake Tahoe – just like this…” The worry that had etched itself into his features for the last several hours melted away and was replaced by a look of fond remembrance.

 

Hoss leaned over the water to wet his parched lips. It had been a long hard day rounding up strays for branding. Now he was less than a half hour’s ride from his bed and a hot meal. Just as he brought a cupped handful of water to his mouth, he heard footsteps behind him. He stood quickly, reaching for his gun. Before he could turn, he felt something poke him in the back.

“Put your hands up…” a woman’s voice said timidly, and Hoss did as he was told. “Who are you and what are you doing here?”

“Well, Miss, seems to me I could ask you the same thing.” Hoss said, “My name is Hoss Cartwright… and this here is my family property – the Ponderosa…” Slowly he began to lower his hands.

“Don’t move!” The woman’s voice sounded frightened, “I don’t want to shoot you…”

“I don’t particularly want you to shoot me niether…”Hoss began to turn cautiously.

His motion frightened the woman, causing her to flinch and loose her balance. Clumsily, she reached for his arm to steady herself. This effectively made him to lose his balance and they both fell into the lake.

After the initial shock of falling into the extremely chilly waters of Lake Tahoe had subsided, Hoss turned to get a look at his captor. She was young and beautiful with golden hair and her blue eyes looked… well, they looked a little angry, but if she weren’t all wet, Hoss decided she would have the downright prettiest eyes he’d ever seen.

He stood and turned to help her up. She accepted his hand with an annoyed sigh.

“Oh, Miss… don’t forget yer gun… don’t need to leave that layin’ in the water…”

“I didn’t have one…” she admitted quietly, holding up a stick.

Hoss looked up, frowning. “You mean… you held me up with nuthin’ but some little ol’ stick just fer trespassin’ on my own land?”

The woman opened her mouth to defend herself, but then shut it thoughtfully. Slowly a grin spread across her face, and she began giggling. “I’m sorry, Mister… uh… Mister…”

“Cartwright… everyone calls me Hoss, though…” he explained. He tipped his hat and a large amount of water that had been trapped within gushed over his head and face.

The two burst into laughter as Hoss wiped at his face.

“I’m sorry…” she said between bouts of laughter, “It’s just… we were hit by rustlers… last week…” she could hardly squeak her words out. The more she tried to talk, the harder she laughed. “…just…moved here…”

“Rustlers?” Hoss, too, was in a fit of uncontrollable laughter. “That… ain’t… funny…”

This only made the two laugh harder. The young woman dabbed at her eyes with a wet handkerchief Hoss had pulled from his back pocket. At last, though, they calmed down, only to emit the occasional giggle.

Hoss sighed, rubbing his sides which were aching from laughing. “We’d better get you home and dry before you catch cold.”

She looked down at her sopping dress and frowned miserably. “This will take a bit of explaining to Mama and Papa…”

“I’ll see ya home…”

Hoss turned to collect his horse. He lifted her effortlessly onto the saddle, which she tried to sit on side saddle. Unfortunately, with the weight of her heavy dress clinging to her, she nearly fell off the other side. Finally, she caught her balance and, uncomfortably, maneuvered herself in some manner of a lady-like position. She looked down and smiled lamely at him and he grinned up at her.

“By the way – what’s your name?” Hoss asked, fidgeting with the reins as he took in her beauty in the soft light of dusk.

She giggled slightly. “Would you believe after this fiasco that my name is… Grace? – Grace Hawthorn.”

Hoss gave her a toothy grin, “Well, Miss Hawthorn…”

“Please, call me Grace.”

“…Miss Grace… I cain’t think of a purdier gal I’d rather be held up by.”

 

Hoss chuckled, reminiscing. “I never would’a believed that a year later, that purdy gal would be my wife. And now…”

Hoss’s face clouded and Ben moved to put a supportive hand on his shoulder. “You have a fine wife, who’s going to give you a strong healthy son…” he shrugged with a slight twinkle in his eye, “… or daughter. They are safe – remember? You arranged for her to spend these two weeks in town near her parents in case it was time for the baby; they could be close to Doc Martin. They’re fine…” he looked up at his other sons, “they’re all fine.”

****

The air was cooling as the last traces of daylight disappeared over the western horizon. The crickets had already begun their nightly serenade to the accompaniment of the crackling fire. Four brooding Cartwrights sat around, each retreating into the helpless solitude of his own worries.

“I like to keep a few of these up top for when I have to camp out like this…” the driver said climbing down from the coach with a chair in one hand. “…Makes keeping watch a might more comfortable.” The old man climbed back up and retrieved another chair and placed it on the ground next to the first.

Adam stood, tossing the cold remnants of his coffee cup into the vast darkness beyond their campsite.

“I doubt any of us will get much sleep,” he said, bringing one of the chairs up backwards underneath him and sitting, “but I’ll volunteer for the first watch.”

“Long trip tomorrow,” Ben said wearily, “We need to try to get what rest we can… no telling where that band of Indians got off to…”

Joe stood, pulling the other chair up next to Adam. “I’ll sit up with you first shift…”

The other men nodded and in short order were making themselves as comfortable as possible on their bedrolls next to the fire.

“Adam…” Joe began hesitantly, “Do you suppose everyone’s…all right?”

Adam took a deep thoughtful breath and released it slowly. “I hope so.”

There were a few moments of silence between the two before Adam spoke again.

“I’m sure Grace and Ellen are alright… Like Pa said, Hoss put Grace up in the hotel to be nearer to her parents and to Doc Martin…” He ran a hand over his stubbly cheeks. “And Ellen and her folks live in town. You heard what that private said. All the attacks were on outlying properties…”

More silence. Finally, Adam spoke the words that he knew Joe was thinking.

“That only leaves Ruth and the boys …”

“I wonder what made those Indians turn renegade like that…” Joe said as he rested his chin on folded his arms on the back of the chair.

“Well, my guess…” Adam leaned over, one elbow on his knee and his other hand resting on his thigh. “…my guess is it’s a mutt band – outcasts from various tribes who are taking their vengeance out on white man.”

Joe raised his head from where it rested on his arms and looked at his brother. “Don’t they understand that a massacre like that would only fuel the fire for war against the Indians? They’ll be hunted down and lynched…”

Adam nodded, “The problem is… you’re dealing with a people who find their ultimate honor in their death… They’re not afraid to die… That, unfortunately, can make them pretty ruthless.”

Joe watched as his brother’s thoughtful expression was replaced by one of sickening acceptance.

“A month isn’t a very long time for a marriage…” he said, staring into the fire.

“Don’t worry, Adam, they’re fine…. They have to be.”

Adam nodded still gazing solemnly at the fire. An image formed in his mind, one of Ruth in her wedding dress. The white fabric was a stark contrast to her vibrant raven hair and sun-kissed skin. Her eyes sparkled as she warmly accepted the congratulations of the guests…

 

“Mrs. Cartwright…” Adam said, coming up behind her when at last there was a temporary hiatus of well-wishers.

She turned, blushing. Her dark hair was swept up gracefully atop her head, allowing a few loose tendrils to dangle about her neck.

“The music is particularly festive this afternoon. Might I have the pleasure of this dance?” He bowed dramatically.

She covered her mouth, feigning surprise. “Who am I that such an esteemed gentleman would take notice of me?”

“My wife of course!”

The two laughed and joined the other dancers in the center of the great room. A moment later they were moving in circles to the music, taking no notice of anyone else in the room.

“Has today been as perfect as you imagined?… Ruth?”

“Shh…” She said quickly.

“What?”

“I’m counting…”

“Counting what?”

Just then, she tripped on his foot, sending both of them instantly plunging to the floor. They sat there for a moment, dumbfounded, and ridiculously sprawled out on the dance floor.

“…counting dance steps…”

They looked up sheepishly at the guests who were now staring at them, then back to one another. They burst out in laughter and were soon joined by the rest of the crowd. They were helped up and dusted off and teasingly encouraged to take a break from the dance floor.

They attempted to redeem some air of dignity as they smilingly moved away from the dancers. The couple turned at the sound of two familiar voices chuckling softly. They turned to see Grace and Hoss standing behind them, faces red with laughter.

“It’s okay Ruth,” Grace said hugging her new sister-in-law, “Beautiful women just seem to have that effect on the Cartwright men…”

“Well…” Adam said, casting Hoss a cool smirk, “At least we didn’t wind up all wet…”

The four burst into laughter. At last Hoss informed them that he had not yet danced with own beautiful wife. She reddened, looking down at her enlarged abdomen skeptically.

“Oh yeah… hmmm…” Hoss thought a moment. “Maybe we’ll just go sit down and nibble on some of that weddin’ cake…” The two moved off happily, leaving the bride and groom behind.

“Mrs. Cartwright?” Adam began, leading her to the punch bowl. “How is it that a beautiful woman such as yourself was able to attract the attention of so many eligible men having never learned how to dance?”

“Why, my natural ability to charm the socks of any man, of course!”

He looked at her in mock skepticism.

“Worked on you didn’t it?”

 

****

Ben lay watching the fire with his back to Adam and Joe. He could not help hearing their discussion. He worried for his daughters-in-law and his heart ached for his older sons and the loss that might be waiting for them when they reached Virginia City. He trembled, however, at the thought of his two youngest. Outliving any of his children was unthinkable. His heart cried out, not for the first time that day, in prayer to God.

He thought of each boy. Benny had been his lifeline during a time of grief and uncertainty. The boy gave his love and his undying devotion freely and fully. Johnny had been a later surprise. There were moments where Ben still could hardly believe he had twins. Johnny had eventually adjusted to his life on the Ponderosa and now accepted his new family with love and admiration. How Ben wished he might not have had to miss the boy’s first six years of life. He quietly made a petition, in vain, to God that he might be able to keep his boys at this age forever.

Ben’s eyelids became heavy as he lay there, the sounds of the nighttime fading to the background. He was lulled to sleep by fond memories of the two little boys whose fates were yet unknown to him.

 

The morning sun shone brilliantly, promising another hot day, as Ben pulled the team to a halt in front of the schoolhouse. The school yard was littered with children reveling in their last few moments of summer. Ben climbed down and turned back to the buckboard. He almost laughed at the pathetic sight before him.

His two youngest were still perched atop the seat of the buckboard, feet dangling far above its floor, and staring timidly at the schoolhouse. Just beyond them stood three horses bearing the rest of his brood. Since their return from New Orleans, just three weeks prior, they had found enough work to keep them all busy until Christmas and each of his older sons had boasted of all the work they could get done during the day once Benny and Johnny began school. But now that the day was finally here, each of them had feigned some excuse or another for needing to come into town and all three had reasoned it would be logical to simply come with their father to see their baby brothers off to their first day of school. Now all three shifted in their saddles with forlorn expressions on their faces.

“For pitty’s sake…” Ben thought, “you’d think they were saying goodbye forever – heaven help them when they have children of their own!” He stifled a chuckle with a rather loud clearing of his throat before he turned his attention back to Benny and Johnny.

“Well, boys are you ready?”

The boys swallowed hard and nodded, neither looking particularly courageous. Ben gave them a reassuring smile and helped one then the other from the buckboard.

Alright, now here are your books – I’ll take you in to meet the teacher.”

He turned to usher them into the school, but stopped when his older sons dismounted and moved to join him. He looked at them coolly.

“I thought you three had business to take care of here in town…”

Ben looked at Adam first.

“Well… I just wanted to make sure the teacher knew the boys had gotten a little bit of a head start with their readers…”

“Oh, I see…” Ben said, nodding, then turned to Joe.

Joe coughed a few times, stalling, before answering. “I, uh… can’t… Well, the mercantile won’t open for another few minutes… so….”

“Yes, I see…” Ben turned to Hoss, who tried to avoid his father’s eyes as long as he could. Finally, he grimaced and spilled the beans much to Adam and Joe’s dismay.

“Dadburnit, Pa,” he said frowning pathetically, “I reckon we’re just gonna miss havin’ the little fellers around all day… Just ain’t gonna be the same…”

Ben suppressed a laugh and turned back to Benny and Johnny. Taking each by a hand he turned and led them toward the school. His older sons were a little closer on his heels than he thought entirely necessary, but he continued on. “It takes a village,” he told himself, smiling inwardly.

As they mounted the steps of the school, the teacher came out to meet them. He was tall and skinny in, what Ben surmised to be, a rather sickly way. His hair was parted precisely in the middle and plastered to either side of his head. He looked at the family stoically.

“Hello, Mr. Smith, these are my two youngest sons, Benny and Johnny Cartwright. They’ll be starting school today.”

Mr. Smith looked down at them, raised an eyebrow and looked back at Ben.

“I’m afraid they are too young. Every child must be at least six years of age. School rules you know…”

“Oh, but they are six – they had a birthday last spring,” Ben explained politely, ignoring the man’s unsympathetic tone.

Mr. Smith looked at the boys again and clucked his teeth at them.

“These boys cannot be six – Look how small they are. They are no older than four.” The man bowed his back, apparently proud of the fact that they were not able to pull a fast one on him. He could not, after all, allow every busy rancher to bring his children to school just to be rid of them for a few hours.

Ben opened his mouth to explain but was interrupted by Johnny.

“We ain’t four!” the boy torted, “We’re six – Almost six and a half even!”

Ben pulled the boy back, effectively hushing him and offered an apologetic smile to the teacher. “You see they are twins and they were born rather early… they’ve always been quite on the smaller side… but they really are six years old.”

Mr. Smith looked at the group standing before him, seeming to calculate their honesty. He looked at his pocket watch then spoke at last.

“Very well. Come inside before I have to mark you for tardiness.”

Without another word, the teacher moved past them to ring the bell to call the other children in. The four men wasted no time shuffling the boys into the building and finding them a desk. Finally, when hugs and kisses had been given and accepted by each (amid the snickers of the other students now assembling), the men took their leave from the schoolhouse.

Ben climbed aboard the buckboard as his older sons mounted their horses. He sat there a moment, contemplating how it could seem like only yesterday that Benny had been an infant in his arms. His eye caught sight of something under the seat of the vehicle. He reached under to pull out a long basket. He smiled. Benny’s basket. When the boy had come to them, he’d been hardly six months old. When they would make their travels to and from town, they would lay the baby in the basket lined with downy-soft blankets. The basket had long since been rid of its wriggling occupant and now housed odds and ends that might be of use to a man utilizing the buckboard for ranch chores. A long bit of rope, a jar of nails, a hatchet, and numerous other random things.

Ben sighed and pushed the basket back under the seat. He looked back at the schoolhouse and gave a small sad smile. His little boys were growing up.

 

Chapter 5 – What Will Be, Will Be

“Ellen, I need some more clean water…”

Mr. Weaver, the town undertaker, looked up when he didn’t hear a response.

“Ellen?”

A few muffled sobs drifted in from the adjoining room. He placed the washcloth in the basin filled with bloody water and covered the body that he’d been cleaning. His muscles protested as he stood and walked into the next room.

“Ellen?”

He found the young woman sitting at his desk crying. He sighed at such horrible fate that would make one so young become so intimately acquainted with death. He couldn’t blame her for her breakdown. She’d been strong all day long as body after body had been brought in. She worked tirelessly as only one who is in a state of shock could. Now though, she had reached her limit. He squeezed her shoulder and handed her his handkerchief.

“Ellen, thank you so much for your help today… I know it wasn’t pleasant.”

He stood, unsure of what to say next and for several moments the only sound in the room was her crying. He looked at the clock on the wall. It was nearly ten o’clock.

“I’m nearly done… I’ll go get your parents from next door to walk you home.”

He lingered for a few seconds, wringing his hands. Then he turned and hurried next door. He found her parents doing the monotonous jobs they’d been doing all day long; her father wearily laboring away building coffin after coffin and her mother painstakingly sewing the satin linings in.

“Mr. Hart… Mrs. Hart?” He stepped in, removing his hat. “I think Miss Ellen’s had about all she can handle for today… I’m nearly finished… I don’t see any reason she should have to come back tomorrow…”

The couple looked at him and nodded solemnly. Mr. Hart set down his hammer and massaged the muscles in his hand.

“We’ve finished forty-three … How many more do you think we’ll need?”

“Last count was fifty-six,” Mr. Weaver said, “But there’s liable to be more come morning.”

“Lord Almighty…” Mrs. Hart mumbled, shaking her head slowly.

“One thing we might do…” Mr. Weaver averted his eyes uncomfortably. “If we put small children and babies alongside their mothers, we can bury them quicker… don’t have to wait for all those coffins to be made…”

A sickening silence hung in the air. Mrs. Hart wiped at her eyes and stood to leave.

Finally, Mr. Hart nodded.

“Better to lay them to rest as soon as we can I suppose.”

****

Ruth worked the rocking chair back and forth as she watched Benny play on the floor with some of his toys. He had awoken scared and hungry an hour before. Grateful to finally have something to do, Hop Sing had gone to make them all some sandwiches. She rubbed her eyes. She had lost all concept of time many hours ago. She only knew it was long past everyone’s bedtime.

She rose and crossed the guest room to check on Johnny. Nothing had changed much in the last several hours. His complexion and weak heartbeat worried her, but she found hope in that he hadn’t seemed to be getting any worse. He needed a doctor, but it was unwise to move him in his condition and quite impossible for Dr. Martin to leave Virginia City at the moment. She patted the boy’s forehead with a damp cloth and turned to go sit back down.

She frowned curiously when Benny got up and went into the great room. Before she could move her aching body to rise again, he reappeared in the room. In his hands, he held his toy gun belt. He stopped in front of her and held it up to show her, his face very serious.

She smiled, brushing his dark curls away from his face. “Are you going to protect us tonight?”

Benny looked down at the toy and his chin quivered. “It’s not real…” He began to cry.

Ruth lifted the boy to her lap and held him close, rocking.

“Don’t worry, sweetie…” She planted a gentle kiss on top of his head and, for the first time she could remember, she lied. “Tomorrow everything will be better.”

****

“I wish you would go home and lie down, Mrs. Cartwright.”

Grace smiled at Paul Martin, trying to appear fresh and energetic in spite of her disproportioned figure and swollen, aching ankles.

“I’m fine, besides…” Grace’s smile faded as she looked across the rows of cots that filled the Silver Dollar Saloon. “…my discomfort is nothing compared to theirs.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat as the moans and cries of the injured swelled.

“Grace,” Paul said, turning her to face him, “you need to get some rest. The last thing I need is for you to work yourself so hard that you go into labor. I don’t have time to deliver a baby now!” His voice was gentle and lighthearted, though it held a very firm warning.

Grace contemplated his words and, for just a moment, wished she weren’t pregnant. How could she walk away from so many people who needed help? At last, she nodded her consent.

Paul breathed a sigh of relief and walked her to the door. “Wait here, I’ll go find your mother to walk you home – I want her to get some rest too. You’ve both worked a full day.”

Grace nodded again and moved to wait outside of the saloon for her mother. She inhaled deeply the crisp nighttime air and for the first time realized just how exhausted she was. She looked down at her belly and blushed. She would never have dared to go into public this late in her pregnancy before this fateful morning. But when she had seen wagon after endless wagon entering town bearing wounded men, women and children, her heart had broken, and she couldn’t help but swallow her vanity and offer whatever assistance she could provide.

Her mind went to the Ponderosa. How relieved she had been to see Ruth and hear that Benny and Johnny were safe. Apparently, the Ponderosa had been spared from the ravages of the band of renegade Indians. She prayed, not for the first time that day, that the Cartwright men would come home quickly. She had sent a wire to Sacramento as soon as she’d heard what had happened, but as of yet, there had been no reply.

She turned and looked through the saloon window at the misery within. Some of the faces she knew, others she didn’t. She wondered about their stories, about their lives. How many of them had woken up this morning, believing it to be the same as every other morning. How many wives had gone to bed last night with a lifetime of dreams ahead of them and awoke as widows? How many precious children had been orphaned in a matter of minutes?

Her hand went to her stomach and her heart ached at the thought of her own hopes and dreams. How quickly they can vanish. What would she ever do if she lost Hoss?

“Are you ready dear?”

Grace turned to see her mother emerging from the saloon.

“Yes…” she murmured, looking in the window again.

“Gracie,” her mother said as she placed an arm around her and led her away, “There’s nothing more you can do. What will be, will be.”

 

Chapter 6 – Decisions

Ruth jerked awake. Was that a knock at the door? She sat up in the rocking chair and strained to see in the dimly lit room. Everything was still. She jumped at a pounding on the door. She looked apprehensively at Hop Sing, who had just come in from the kitchen.

The cook moved toward the door and listened carefully, rifle in hand.

“Mrs. Cartwright?” a voice called. “Ruth? Anybody here?”

Hop Sing opened the door, allowing in a small amount of pre-dawn light. “It Mister Hawthorn…”

Ruth exhaled in relief as an her sister-in-law’s father entered. His cheeks and chin were lightly peppered and his clothes were covered in a thin layer of dust. He removed his hat, a look of relief washing over his face.

“Thank God…” he murmured.

“Mr. Hawthorn,” Ruth stood quickly from the rocking chair, her heart racing at the sight of a familiar face. “Johnny’s hurt… the ranch hands… the bunkhouse burned…” she began to babble uncontrollably, making little sense.

She was grateful when Mr. Hawthorn took her by the shoulders and shook her gently to collect her attention.

“Ruth, listen to me…” he looked quickly at the children sleeping in the bed and lowered his voice. “I’ve been with that posse since yesterday and we found that band of Indians in the north meadow of the Ponderosa… we’ve got to get all of you out of here and into town.”

Ruth’s stomach churned. That meant they were only a few miles away! She suppressed the urge to burst into tears but could do nothing about her visible trembling. She motioned to Johnny. “I don’t know how we’ll move him without opening that wound again…”

Mr. Hawthorn sighed impatiently, and Ruth knew he just wanted to get them to safety as soon as possible. She crossed the room and checked the boy’s bandages. The bleeding had stopped. She checked his pulse and felt his forehead. Finally, she nodded.

“We’ll have to…” she admitted.

Mr. Hawthorn grimaced. “Just one thing… we’ve gotta go on horseback. It’s faster and less noisy than by buckboard.”

Ruth nodded, squaring her shoulders. “We’ll do whatever we have to do. Hop Sing?”

The cook stepped forward, bowing slightly.

“We need to get the boys dressed as quickly as possible. We’ll each take a gun, but nothing else – we must leave quickly.” Ruth was surprised at the sudden calm authority in her own voice. “You will carry Benny on your horse, and I’ll carry Johnny on mine.”

Hop Sing nodded and quickly set about waking Benny to dress him. Ruth turned to Johnny and delicately began doing the same. Mr. Hawthorn excused himself to saddle two more horses.

Within minutes they were riding as fast as they dared toward Virginia City.

****

The morning sun shone brilliantly through the windows of the stagecoach. Ben squinted as he reached over to drop the canvas shades down. He sat back with a heavy sigh. He grumbled inwardly that this trip could not be made on horseback. He took another deep breath and reminded himself that there was nothing to do but wait patiently.

“So, what’s the plan?” Hoss asked solemnly.

Ben frowned thoughtfully, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I think the first order of business would be to check on Ponderosa – Ruth and the boys. Then head into town… check on Grace and Ellen” he nodded to Hoss and Joe, respectively. “…and then find the posse to see how we can help…”

“And what if we run into them before we get to the Ponderosa…” Adam asked, “We brought a good deal of guns and ammunition, but that still makes us four men fighting a hundred.”

Ben nodded, he’d thought of that possibility as well, but didn’t have an answer.

“That’s assuming they’re still in the area,” Joe said.

“They’re still around,” Adam answered, “Those attacks were meant to be a warning or message of some kind… They’re not gonna leave until they finish what they’ve started.”

Ben had just opened his mouth to voice his agreement when the stage came to a jolting stop, nearly tossing the passengers from their seats. Hoss lifted the shade from the window and looked out.

“Looks like we’re gonna have to beat them odds sooner than we reckoned…”

Ben’s face fell into a scowl and he too looked out of the window.

“Smoke signals,” he said simply. “Maybe ten miles off…”

The driver’s head came down suddenly over the side of the coach, giving Ben and Hoss a start.

“You seen’em too…” he said, “Best get this rig off of this here hill so’s we don’t draw attention.”

With that the old man’s head disappeared above and the stage began moving again. Ben nodded gravely to his sons, and everyone quickly got to work loading and checking rifles and pistols. For several moments the only sounds were of the rumbling stage and the eerie clinking of metal. Ben said a quick prayer to combat the feeling of hopelessness that was beginning to overcome him. God had helped them through impossible odds before, surely, he would see them through this. But then again, why should his family be so fortunate when others were not?

“I say we make us a deal…” Hoss’s voice drew Ben from his thoughts. “If something happens to one of us… the rest go on. We gotta get to Ruth and the boys soon as we can.”

A thousand scenarios played across Ben’s mind as he contemplated the what-ifs. He knew it was an important decision to make beforehand. If one of them were injured and unable to travel on, it meant giving them whatever provisions they had and leaving them to fend for themselves. If any of them were killed, it meant wasting no time to mourn or bury.

Adam and Joe voiced their agreement quickly and three heads turned to Ben. He looked at each of his grown sons and saw three little boys staring back at him. How could he possibly leave one of them behind? Please don’t ask me to do that, he prayed. He had followed God obediently throughout his life, no matter where it led him. He had humbly accepted it as God’s will when he buried four wives. But surely, God would look kindly upon him and spare him the pain of outliving one of his children.

“Pa?”

Ben raised a disapproving eyebrow and looked away. Finally, he nodded his consent.

 

Chapter 7 – Separation

Benny turned his face from dust swirling up from the road as he gripped more tightly to the arm that held fast to him. To his memory he had never traveled so fast on horseback and now that he thought of it, he had never known Hop Sing to be much of a rider. Nevertheless, they were galloping hard down the road to Virginia City.

He looked ahead at his sister-in-law. He couldn’t see Johnny, but he knew she clung tightly to him with one arm as she maneuvered the reins with the other. A few times since they’d left the house he had awoken, crying. But there had been no time to stop.

Further down the road was Mr. Hawthorn, his pistol drawn. Occasionally he would slow his pace and tread warily for a short distance, only to kick his horse up again to its former break-neck speed.

Benny looked at his surroundings and, as best he could figure, they were about halfway there. They had just passed the heavily wooded section on the outskirts of the Anderson farm and were now entering an area of rocky hills. The road was sunken and flanked on either side by hills and boulders of every shape and size.

“Whoa now!” Mr. Hawthorn called and suddenly Hop Sing and Ruth both drew their horses to a halt.

A moment later several deafening shots cracked through the air. Benny’s hands went to his ears. Before he realized what was happening, he was being pulled from the horse and practically tossed behind a large boulder just to the side of the road.

“Missy keep going!” He heard Hop Sing shout several unknown Chinese words followed.

Benny peeked around the edge of the boulder and caught Ruth’s eye. She looked at him horrified.

“But…” she managed, before Hop sing waved her on.

“Go! We cover! We bring Mister Benny! You go!”

A rapid succession of gunfire accompanied the sound of her horse galloping away. Benny trembled, pressing his hands more firmly to his ears. He couldn’t see Hop Sing or Mr. Hawthorn from where he sat, but he knew they were close. He closed his eyes tightly, praying that his father and brothers would somehow just appear out of nowhere.

Suddenly all went silent. Benny opened his eyes and lowered his hands from his ears. He sat still, afraid to move. He heard a groan and a dragging sound. He looked down to see Hop Sing attempting to reach him. Benny gasped at the sight of the cook covered in blood. He shook his head in protest as tears began to blur his vision.

“Must run… run…” he groaned, pointing a shaking finger in the direction of the hills.

Benny’s eyes widened in horror as Hop Sing used what little strength he had to push a pistol toward him.

“Run now!”

Without another thought, Benny snatched up the gun and ran as fast as he could, disappearing into the rocky hills amid the echoes of resuming gunfire.

****

Ellen looked up from her needlework and watched as her future sister-in-law awkwardly readjusted her position on the settee and distractedly resumed her knitting. A few moments later, Grace sighed heavily, and Ellen watched her cautiously.

“Grace, are you sure you’re alright? Can I get your anything?”

“Yes,” Grace answered shortly, “You can get my husband back from God-knows-where and get this,” she pointed irritatingly to her stomach, “out.”

Ellen’s wide eyes blinked a few times in shock. She’d never known Grace to be anything other than mild and patient – to a fault at times. Her face fell from the impact of the other woman’s words. God-knows-where, her mind repeated. Her eyes misted as she tried to keep her mind from turning to the horrifying possibilities.

“I’m sorry, dear…” Grace’s tone softened at the sight of her companion’s downtrodden face.

Ellen forced a smile and shrugged at the woman’s worry.

“I’m just worried sick and…” Grace shifted her position again, her face contorting as she did. “…I can’t seem to get comfortable…”

Ellen laid her needlework aside and crossed the room to help Grace readjust the pillows behind her back.

“I’m sure the boys are fine and are probably almost home…” Her voice carried a confidence that almost made her believe her own words.

Grace nodded and, to Ellen’s relief, changed the subject.

“I’m so glad you agreed to come over and keep me company,” she said, “I hope it’s not keeping you from any work.”

Ellen frowned inwardly. She was supposed to be helping prepare the bodies of those killed the day prior for burial. Her ridiculous blubbering the night before had persuaded the undertaker that she was not strong enough to handle such a task. Perhaps she wasn’t. She was not like Ruth and Grace. She did not have an everlasting supply of strength. It had been no wonder that her mother suggested that she come sit with Grace for the day instead of returning to help the undertaker.

“No,” she assured her simply, “it’s not keeping me from anything…”

If Grace noticed the hint of melancholy in her voice, she didn’t let on and for that Ellen was thankful. “So, tell me how your wedding preparations are coming along.”

Ellen had opened her mouth to answer but was interrupted by the sound of a commotion in the street. Grace started to rise, but Ellen stayed her with a raise of her hand. She walked over to the hotel window and looked out.

“It’s Ruth!”

“What a relief!” she heard Grace say. “I’m so glad she and the boys are safe!”

Ellen frowned at the sight of the lone rider and strained her eyes to see more clearly. Her heart stopped as she saw Ruth dismount. The woman held a little boy in her arms, an angry red spot evident on his shoulder. “Oh, my goodness…”

“What is it?… Ellen?”

“One of the boys is hurt…” she mumbled, watching as Ruth disappeared into the Silver Dollar Saloon.

“What? Which one?”

Ellen turned from the window, her face rapidly losing its color. “There’s only one…”

Grace attempted a few times to rise from the settee before succeeding. Soon she was waddling quickly toward the dressing room. Ellen re-collected herself and went after her.

“Grace?” she called, following, “What are you doing?”

“We’ve got to go down there and help,” she said, fumbling with a dress, trying to turn it right-side-out.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea…” Ellen said hesitantly, “Your mother said you should stay here and rest until your time…” She wrung her hands. She, too, wanted to go down and help, but had promised to stay with Grace. “…What if I went down and checked on them and then came back up to let you know what happened?”

Grace pursed her lips and shook her head. “No good. They’re short-handed down there as it is and it’s silly for us to be sitting up here doing nothing…”

“Grace, I know how you feel…” Ellen pleaded, “… but you really shouldn’t go down there. Doc Martin said…”

“Doc Martin has never had a baby!” Grace said, her face revealing that even she realized it to be a ridiculous argument. She had also never had a baby. Nevertheless, she continued dressing.

“No, but he’s delivered plenty, and he knows what’s best… Grace!” Ellen threw her hands up in frustration when the woman proceeded to dress without giving acknowledgment to her protests.

Finally, Grace turned to her, “I’m going down to help. You can stay here, or you can come with me…” she stated calmly.

Ellen sighed in defeat.

Grace nodded, satisfied that she was the victor. “Good. Now,” she raised her skirts, “Can you buckle my shoe for me… because I can’t reach…”

 

Chapter 8 – Taking the Good with the Bad

Ben squinted as he examined the position of the sun. It was midday – likely more than an hour past noon already. They had made good time that morning on the stage. They couldn’t have been more than a couple of hours away from Virginia City when they had seen the smoke signals. He frowned, thinking about the time and distance lost when they’d had to make the detour to avoid being seen. There had been nothing else to do. They would have been sitting ducks had they continued on the main thoroughfare.

Now, they found themselves in a wooded area in the foothills of the mountains. The men had been glad to be out of the confines of the stage and were now busying themselves in taking an inventory of their supplies. Ben thrust his hands into his pockets and sighed. There were many options before them, but none of them seemed to offer a lot of hope for success.

“Dave,” Ben said thoughtfully, addressing the driver, “How far away do you think Reno is from here?”

The driver looked up from the boxes of bullets he was counting and scratched his head. “Back when we seen them smoke signals we were ‘bout twenty miles away.” The man paused, calculating. “But we had to cut up to the east a good ways north of there… now I’d say near thirty…”

Adam looked up from the storage boxes he was rifling through atop the stage. “What are you thinking, Pa?”

“If those signals we saw were any indication of where the rest of those renegades are… they’re awfully far north now to be attacking those around Virginia City…”

“You think Reno is next?”

Ben shrugged. “Could be…”

“But… the north part of the Ponderosa cuts up right between the two…” Hoss said, the food provisions he was counting now completely forgotten.

Ben nodded gravely.

“I’ll just bet…” Adam said, hopping from the stage. The other men looked at him curiously when he didn’t continue.

They followed him to where he knelt in the dirt. With a stick, he drew a crude map of the area.

“Here’s Virginia City and here’s Reno…” he drew circles at their respective locations. “And here…” he made some more markings in the dirt, “…is the Ponderosa.”

“Is this about where we were when we saw those signals, Dave?” he asked, pointing with the stick.

The driver nodded.

“So…” Joe said, shrugging.

Ben looked at the map then at his oldest son. For just a moment Adam’s face showed a mixture of worry and anger. Ben’s stomach tied in knots as realization dawned.

“Good Lord…” Ben mumbled, a scowl settling over his face, “They’re holed up on the Ponderosa…”

****

Ben pulled the shade away from the stage window and squinted against the afternoon sun. He sighed and settled back against his seat, fanning himself with his hat as he contemplated the decision they’d made. After analyzing the situation, they’d realized there were really only two viable options for them. One was to continue east and then south to Virginia City and then continue the long way around to the south end of the Ponderosa before facing the renegades on the north stretch of their land. The other was to head back north and west, then turn south and take the west road into Reno.

After much discussion they’d all agreed on the latter, feeling certain that the band of Indians would not have made it that far west. They would need to get on horseback as soon as possible and this seemed the quickest way to make that happen. Unfortunately, it meant an even further delay in discovering the fate of the rest of the Cartwright family.

Ben reached into his vest pocket for his watch. He frowned, remembering he’d left his pocket watch at home. He started to withdraw his hand when his fingers felt something else in the pocket. He pulled out a small piece of paper. He unfolded it and looked at it.

In a child’s sloppy printing it read, “Pa, Sorree for bing bad at skool. I miss mama but at leest I have you. I luv you. Johnny.”

A smile played across Ben’s face as he remembered the circumstances surrounding the apologetic letter…

 

Ben laid the last of his receipts in the “finished” pile on his desk and smiled, satisfied. Since the boys had begun school two weeks prior, he’d not only caught up on his paperwork, he’d gotten well ahead. With any luck, his older sons were progressing as well with the fall round-up.

He was still reveling in his productivity when he heard a rider approaching. He got up to investigate, more than happy to entertain company now that he no longer had the piles of bills and invoices demanding his attention. He opened the door and frowned at the sight of a paint horse bearing two riders.

He looked at the pair. Joe nodded at him, his whole demeanor practically fuming. Johnny sat in front of him, in much the same mood, though his head hung in slight remorse.

“What’s all this?” Ben asked, walking to the edge of the porch.

Joe dismounted and pulled the boy from the horse and deposited him on the ground.

“Well,” he answered, turning back to his father, and placing his hands on his hips, “Johnny has something to tell you…”

Johnny’s face went red as he pulled a letter from the pocket of his pants and handed it to his father. Ben accepted the letter curiously and read its contents.

“Mr. Cartwright,
Children who have not learned simple obedience have no place in my school. Johnny will be permitted to return when he has acquired a healthy respect for his elders. – Mr. Smith”

Ben reread the words a couple of times before looking up at Johnny then Joe.

When neither volunteered any information, he asked, “Well, would one of you like to explain?”

“Don’t you think that should come from you, Johnny?” Joe’s low tone was assurance that it was a command, not a suggestion.

Ben crossed his arms, irritation brewing inside him, when the boy took several moments to gather his courage. When at last he looked up, Ben was surprised at the flash of defiance in the boy’s eyes.

“I didn’t do nuthin’!” Johnny shouted angrily and ran past his father and into the house.

“Johnny!” Ben called and started after him but turned instead to his older son.

“He got in a fight…” Joe explained, tying his horse to the hitching post and then moved to join his father on the porch. “I happened upon him on the north road as he was coming home…”

“That’s the second time this week he’s been sent home early…” Ben mumbled thoughtfully. “That boy’s going to have to learn… I’ll go talk with him.” He hesitated a moment and then turned resolutely back to the door.

“Pa…” Ben could hear the skepticism in Joe’s voice and he turned back around, “Don’t you think that maybe…”

Ben put his hands on his hips. Was his bachelor son going to give him advice in rearing children? This he had to hear.

“Like you said – this is the second time he’s been sent home for getting in trouble at school… don’t you think something a little firmer than a ‘talking-to’ might be in order?”

Ben couldn’t help but smile at the irony. Joe had been the recipient of a majority of the punishments he’d had the unpleasant duty of handing out to his sons. He knew his quick-tempered son was remembering and expecting the same punishments he had received for the same offense. What Joe hadn’t realized was that Ben had five completely different sons and each had to be dealt with in a different way.

At length Ben gave him a reassuring clap on the back then allowed his hand to rest on his shoulder. “‘Even in laughter the heart may ache.’” Joe’s questioning expression prompted him to explain the proverb. “The boy’s been through a lot lately – he just lost his mother. He may seem fine when he’s playing around and laughing but… He’s still struggling and him acting up a little is not all that surprising.”

Joe shoved his hands in his pockets, reminding Ben of when he was a small boy pouting over some unfair fact of life. “Yeah, well so did Benny and he is not acting up.”

“Joe… Benny wasn’t raised by Genevieve… Johnny was.” Ben noted the frustration in his son’s face. He raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “And what would you have me do with him?”

Joe shrugged; worry etched into the details of his face. “Well, with Benny…”

“Joe,” Ben interrupted, “One thing we’re all going to have to remember is you can’t fit a square peg into a round hole… Those boys may look alike, but they are not the same.”

Joe nodded and a moment of thoughtful silence passed between the two.

“So, what’ll you do?”

Ben smiled and squeezed his son’s shoulder.

“I’m not going to do anything,” he stated simply.

Joe looked up, questioning.

“Just trust me…” Ben said with a wink, “I have been doing this for some time now, you know…”

 

“Hey, Pa, I think we’re about ten miles out of Reno…” Hoss’s voice brought Ben from his memories. “What’s that ya got there?”

Ben held up the note, smiling. “I found this letter from Johnny in my vest… I’d forgotten I’d put it there…”

Hoss took the note and read it aloud. The men smiled in amusement as he sounded out, verbatim, the misspelled words.

“I remember that…” Joe said, apprehending the note from his older brother. “‘Even in laughter the heart may ache,’” he mumbled, recalling the biblical proverb. “I never did find out how you handled all of that…”

Ben grinned, winking at him. “I just waited him out… Early that next morning – very early – the guilt finally got to him.” Ben’s smile faded as he remembered…

 

Ben awoke with a start, straining in the darkness to see which of his small sons stood beside his bed. In the soft moonlight that filtered through his window, he could make out Johnny’s slightly fuller cheeks and dark eyes.

“Johnny? What’s the matter?”

Ben yawned lazily, but when he heard the boy whimper he sat up quickly, lighting the lamp by his bed. He turned back to see the boy standing there timidly, his face red and wet from tears.

“I miss Mama…” his voice cracked and a steady stream of tears followed.

Ben pulled the boy into his arms and let him cry for several minutes. Finally, his sobs gave way to an occasional sniffle or hiccup. Ben rocked him gently.

“M’sorry I was bad…” Johnny said, his head leaning against his father’s chest.

Ben sat the boy up so that he could look at him. “Johnny, sometimes little boys do bad things because they don’t know how to tell those they love that they are sad…”

Johnny nodded, raising two large, teary brown eyes to meet his father’s.

“I know you miss your Mama,” Ben said, running his hand through the mass of black curls atop the boy’s head. “You lost someone you love – but you’re in good company, because we’ve all lost people we’ve loved… But we don’t use it as an excuse to misbehave…” Ben’s heart felt a pang of renewed pain. “I miss her too, son.”

Johnny nodded again, fresh tears running down his cheeks. Ben pulled the boy into a firm embrace.

“I love you, boy. You hear me?”

He could feel Johnny’s head nod and his grip tighten. Ben didn’t blame him; he wasn’t ready to let go yet either. At length, Johnny’s voice, muffled in his father’s nightshirt, broke through the silence.

“How’s a body s’posed to go on?”

Ben rubbed a few small circles on the boy’s back and planted a kiss on the top of his head. “The Lord gives us a lot to be thankful for… we have to accept the bad with the good. But it’s never just bad things, is it? We move forward by learning to find the good alongside the bad; to make sure and acknowledge the good things and not let sadness swallow that up.”

 

“The next day I found this note on my desk…” Ben took the note from Joe and looked at it, his jaw clenching with emotion.

“We’re gonna get to’em soon, Pa,” Joe said and Ben found hope in the certainty of his tone.

“Looks like we’re there,” Adam observed, pulling the shade from the coach window.

“Well, boys,” Ben said, returning the letter to his vest pocket, “Let’s get us some horses and get ready to ride hard…”

 

Chapter 9 – Oh, To Be A Man

Benny’s heart raced within his heaving chest. How long had he been running? He had no idea, but his dead run had slowed over the last hour to barely a trot. His toe hit a rock, and he collapsed into the dirt. He lay there motionless for a few moments, stunned. Finally, he began to cry, burying his head in his arms.

At last, he sat up wiping his eyes and nose on his sleeve. In his hand, he still held the gun Hop Sing had given him. He looked at it and then down at the toy gun which rested in its holster at his side. He thought of how often he’d played with it, pretending he was a sheriff leading a posse to find a bandit. He frowned, feeling very foolish. This was not pretend.

Benny turned the gun in his hand, inspecting it from all sides. He recognized it as the .44 his father kept in the desk drawer. It was large and heavy. He remembered Hoss showing him once how it worked. He had always loved to sit and watch his father and brothers clean their guns as they told him about their adventures trying to protect and uphold justice in this wild country. Always their stories ended with one or another of them facing a perilous situation and the others coming to the rescue not a moment too soon.

Benny looked to the horizon, certain he would see four riders silhouetted against the afternoon sun. But he didn’t see them. They were not coming. He was alone.

Benny looked back and forth from his toy gun to the real one he held. He set his jaw determinedly, his blue eyes shimmering with tears. He looked at his surroundings, trying to gauge his location. At last, he simply chose a direction and faced it.

Standing, he removed the toy gunbelt and allowed it to fall haphazardly to the ground. Without so much as a second look back at it, he walked on, leaving it discarded in the dust. Its inscription, Together always, worn and faded.

Benny was headed north, straight toward the north pasture of the Ponderosa.

****

“How can we help?”

Ruth turned her attention away from Johnny, who lay unconscious on a cot in the Silver Dollar saloon. Her eyes widened in shock at the sight of Grace.

“Grace? What on earth are you doing down here?”

She moved quickly to usher her sister-in-law to a seat. She cast a questioning glance to Ellen who had been beside her. Ellen rolled her eyes, shaking her head.

“I tried to get her to stay in the hotel, but she insisted on coming down to help…”

Ruth nodded sympathetically at the young woman. Grace was kind and helpful and positively stubborn. She sighed in relief when Grace took the seat next to Johnny’s bed without protest.

“How is he?” Ellen asked.

Grace was already fussing over the boy, pressing a cool, damp cloth onto his forehead and whispering softly to him.

“I don’t know…” Ruth admitted. “His wound reopened on the way here and…” she broke off, her throat constricting. She was grateful for Ellen’s supportive embrace and was soon in control of herself enough to continue. “We ran into trouble on the way here. I had to leave Benny back on the road with Hop Sing and your father.”

Grace’s head came up quickly. “Papa?”

Ruth nodded, wiping at her eyes. “They helped me get through so I could get Johnny here to Paul.”

Grace’s shoulders sagged but she nodded.

“I told one of the men as soon as I rode in,” Ruth explained, “he was going to ride out to the posse and tell them where they were at…”

A few moments of silence passed between the women.

“We have to do something,” Grace said, taking up her task once again of bathing Johnny’s face with the cool rag.

“There’s not much we can do…” Ruth said, defeated. “The men on the posse are doing the best they can…”

“Men…” Grace spat the word out in quiet vehemence. “I hate being forced to sit here and wait on the men to finally do something about this situation as though no woman could possibly be of any use other than to sit and wait and pray!”

“Grace, none of us enjoy waiting,” Ellen said, “But it wouldn’t help things if we left Virginia City. I mean think about it – Doesn’t know how to use a gun, eleven months pregnant and can’t handle a simple job like helping the undertaker.” She motioned to Ruth, Grace and finally herself as she reeled off her three prime reasons.

“But Grace is right though…” Ruth said, thinking, “There must be something we can do, even here.”

Ruth rolled up the sleeves of her blouse as her mind spun. There had to be some way they could be of some use. Unconsciously, she began to tidy her appearance as she thought; smoothing her skirts, brushing a few loose wisps of brown hair away from her face, straightening her collar.

“Do you suppose Adam and the rest of them have heard about the attacks?” Ruth asked, her brain whirling faster than she could keep up with it.

“Well, I sent a telegram yesterday to Sacramento, but I never received a reply,” Grace said.

“Grace, your father mentioned that the posse had found that band of Indians in the north pasture of the Ponderosa,” Ruth paused, formulating a plan. “It seems to me, those renegades are considering moving on to Reno, what with it being so close…”

“And I would imagine,” Ellen began, carrying on Ruth’s train of thought, “If the boys were headed home and knew about the attacks, they would stop by Reno to gather any help they could find…”

Ruth nodded, “If the people in Reno knew to expect attacks, they could bring in the families living in the outlying areas and be a little more prepared than we all were…”

“I’ll go send another telegram,” Grace said, attempting to stand.

“No,” Ellen said, raising her hand, “I’ll go, you and Ruth stay here with Johnny.”

With that, Ellen spun on her heel and left the saloon. Ruth busied herself with cleaning Johnny’s wound.

“I suppose I should go tell Mama…” Grace said with a sigh, looking over to the bar where her mother was organizing medical supplies.

Ruth reached across Johnny and touched Grace’s hand affectionately. “I’m sure your father is alright,” she offered, but the image embedded in her mind of Mr. Hawthorn and Hop Sing firing into the hills and little Benny huddled behind a boulder gave her little hope. They had risked their lives to save her so that she might save Johnny. But now, as she looked at the red spidery lines forming around his wound, she was beginning to wonder if their efforts had been in vain.

Grace returned a weak smile of gratitude and rose to go tell her mother of the most recent news.

Ruth slightly envied Mrs. Hawthorn at the moment. Ignorance truly is bliss, she thought. And for another few seconds, Mrs. Hawthorn would be blessed to be in a state of ignorance of her husband’s current crisis.

Ruth dismissed the thought and brought her mind back to her small patient. He was beginning to rouse and had begun whimpering at her efforts to redress his shoulder.

“Shh…” she soothed gently, “It’s alright, Johnny…”

“Mama…” he mumbled, attempting to sit up. His eyes were glazed over from fever.

“No, Johnny, Mama’s not here… you’ve got to lie down…”

She laid him back down but was surprised at the force with which he struggled. He began to call out loudly and his squirming increased. It was all Ruth could do to pin him to the cot. She wondered at how one so small could be so strong.

“Grace!” she called, forgetting her sister-in-law’s current errand. “Grace, I need a little help!”

Before she knew it, Paul was at her side. Where he came from, she wasn’t sure since she’d been told when she entered town that he was in surgery to amputate an older gentleman’s leg. Nevertheless, she was relieved when the doctor took over.

“Johnny… we need you to lay down…” Paul’s voice was loud, but calm as he pressed the boy into the cot. Wary of his offended shoulder, he turned quickly to Ruth, “Tell Mrs. Hawthorn I’m going to need whatever we have back there to help put him back to sleep.”

Ruth nodded and crossed the room, weaving in and out of cots laden with wounded people of all ages. When she reached the bar, she saw Grace holding her trembling mother. She opted not to disturb them and browsed quickly through the bottles and vials of medications. She was relieved to see several labels she was familiar with. She selected a bottle quickly and returned to Paul. The older man was attempting to calm the now wailing little boy. Over and over he cried for his mother.

Paul looked at Ruth and pulled her quickly next to him. “Look, Johnny… she’s here… here she is…”

Ruth’s eyes widened in horror as she silently shook her head, pleading with the man.

“Just till we get him calmed down…” he whispered and sat her next to the boy on the cot.

“Mama?” Johnny called again, quieter.

“I – I’m here…” Ruth said, lying the boy back down. He didn’t struggle, but held fast to her hand. “I thought you left… it hurts Mama…”

“I know sweetie, but you’ll be better soon…” Ruth soothed him quietly as Paul gave him a little of the medication to drink.

Soon, he calmed and, in his drug-induced delirium, he mumbled and Ruth was only able to catch a few coherent words.

“Don’t leave again… don’t wanna be alone…”

Ruth brushed the boy’s raven curls away from his face as tears began to blur her vision.

“Don’t wanna be alone…” he repeated, almost inaudible.

“Me either…” Ruth whispered, tears trickling down her cheeks.

She laid her head on the cot next to him and before long, both succumbed to their exhaustion.

 

Chapter 10 – Of Horses and Babies and Promises Broken

Hoss gripped the reins as he encouraged the horse to manage a faster run. He was grateful for the Reno livery stable’s best mounts, but even at the break-neck speed they were traveling, it still didn’t seem fast enough.

He glanced to the sky. They would make it to Virginia City well before dark. He was glad. There were so many problems to think about – his wife and unborn child, Ruth and the boys, finding the posse, finding just where that band of Indians were at. Foremost on his mind, though was Grace. He had to admit, he was more than agreeable to the suggestion that he and Joe head for Virginia City while their father and Adam went first to the Ranch house to see to Ruth and Benny and Johnny. Before they had left Reno, they had spoken with the sheriff, and it was agreed that in twenty-four hours a posse from Reno would assemble at the east edge of the northern most tip of the Ponderosa. Likewise, the posse from Virginia City – along with the army troops that had been sent – would congregate at the west edge, thereby boxing in the Indians. Hoss reminded himself that there would be time to do little more than check on Grace before he and Joe had to be about tracking down that posse to fill them in.

His horse stumbled slightly, and he chided himself for not paying closer attention to his mount. He pushed the thoughts and worries from his mind and focused his efforts on guiding his horse. He looked over to see Joe pointing to a lightly worn trail.

“This is a cut off and leads straight to the main road into Virginia City.” Joe had to yell to be heard over the clipping of horse hooves and the wind in their ears.

Hoss nodded and followed his younger brother down the trail. With any luck they would be there within the hour.

****

“Adam!”

Before Adam could orient himself to realize what had just happened, his father had dismounted and was on the ground at his side. The horse he had been riding was on top of him, struggling to get up. He winced sharply as the animal jerked up to a standing position. Adam clutched his sides.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes…” Adam hissed, aggravated at himself and the animal. “Horse stumbled…”

He attempted to sit up and immediately realized that the sharp pain splintering across his chest would not allow it. He moaned.

“I think your ribs are broken…” his father said, helping him lie back down.

Adam nodded, taking quick shallow breaths. Above him blue sky peeked through the spaces between the tall pines that lined the path. Soon his father’s face hovered over him, obstructing his view of the sky.

“You hit your head too…”

He felt firm pressure against his temple. Why was he lying on the ground again? Has Pa’s hair always been that silver? He was suddenly very sleepy. He shook his head slightly, trying to organize his jumbled thoughts. Slowly the fog lifted from his mind. Attacks. Indians. Ruth. He sat up suddenly, only to let out a loud cry from the pain it caused.

“Lie down, you’re in no position to try and go anywhere.” Even in his confused state he could read past his father words and understand what his tone meant: “Quit being stubborn and do as I say.”

“You need to go on… get to Ruth and the boys…” he said, closing his eyes in an attempt to focus his mind anywhere but on the pain radiating through the barrel of his chest.

“I need to get you to a doctor,” his father said, poking and prodding to assess whether there were further injuries or not.

“We had a deal, remember?” Adam mumbled.

“Fool deal,” Ben torted, “Let’s see you make a ridiculous deal like that when you’re a father…”

So, his father was going to break his word. Adam’s mind clouded again, and he soon forgot to protest. A moment later – or at least it felt like a moment to him – he was being helped back into the saddle. He tried to ignore the excruciating pain that seized his body, but it was no good. Someone was crying out. Was that his own voice he heard?

Somehow, he managed to get into the saddle and soon after his father was climbing up behind him, holding him upright. He wished fervently that he could be lying on the ground again. Why were they on a horse? There was something he was supposed to be doing. What was it?

Oh yes, Ruth… His last conscious thought before the world went black, was of dark brown hair falling in ringlets about the neck of a beautiful woman. Ruth…

****

“Did you get that telegram sent?”

Ellen had hardly entered the Silver Dollar before Grace was at her side, eager to know if any news had been received on their men.

“Yes,” she couldn’t restrain her smile, “I got a reply saying that Joe and Hoss and all of them had just been there and were on their way here!”

“Thank God!” Grace shouted but covered her mouth quickly and quietly apologized to the patients she had disturbed.

The two women crossed the room arm in arm to where Ruth and Johnny now slept on one cot.

“Bless her heart…” Ellen mumbled. “I doubt she’s had any sleep in two days.”

Grace nodded and sat, motioning to another chair for Ellen to sit in. The women sat there, relieved at the latest news, but far too exhausted to converse. In fact, Ellen was just relieved to finally have had some good news to share. At least she could do one thing right, without falling to pieces. How happy she would be when this whole disaster was behind them!

Ellen looked around the room curiously, her thoughts switching direction.

“I’ve never been in a saloon before…” she said, suddenly realizing where they were at.

Grace giggled. “I’ve always wondered what it looked like in here,” she admitted.

“Grace!” Ellen’s reprimand was ineffective since she too could not hold back her smile.

“Watch this…”

Before Ellen could question, Grace rose and crossed the room to the bar where her mother stood. The sight of the pregnant woman hiking her foot up onto the foot railing and pounding on the counter demanding a glass of water as though it were a foamy beverage was too much. Ellen burst into laughter.

Grace’s mother shooed her away, grumbling something about “can’t believe such a foolish child is about to be a mother.” Giggling, Grace returned to her seat across from Ellen.

“Oh!” Grace cried, her face reflecting both her pain and her amusement, “I got a cramp.” She grabbed her stomach still laughing, though in pain. “Oh!” she called, rising suddenly. “Oh dear, I don’t think it’s just a cramp…”

Ellen’s laughter halted suddenly as her eyes widened in horror. “You don’t mean…”

Grace leaned over, holding the chair to steady herself. “I think it might be time…”

Ellen buried her face in her hands. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

 

Chapter 11 – Found

Benny wiped the sweat from his brow with his sleeve. It was so hot. He wasn’t sure which he wanted more, food to satisfy his grumbling stomach or a long, cool drink of water. He reached up to pull his hat lower to shade his eyes and frowned. When had he lost his hat? He wasn’t sure but kept walking on.

It was so hot.

He was approaching the crest of a ridge where the terrain seemed to change from a rocky one to a lush grassier one. He held a faint hope that grass meant water might be close by. If nothing else, perhaps he could see well enough from the ridge to get his bearings at least.

His stomach grumbled loudly, and he tried to remember the last time he’d eaten. Things had been so chaotic the previous night with Johnny getting shot that he wasn’t sure if he’d even eaten dinner – wanted to eat dinner for that matter. He thought about Johnny and his father and other brothers and wished fervently that they could all be at home together.

A breeze blew by, and he was grateful for it. His skin felt dry and chapped from being in the sun all day. He reached up to wipe his brow again. That was odd. He was no longer sweating. Come to think of it, it was suddenly starting to get a little chilly. His arms and legs were beginning to feel tingly.

He saw a cluster of trees where he could rest and began making his way over to them. With each step, he found it increasingly difficult to maneuver his legs and feet. At last, he made it and he collapsed onto the cool grass, shivering in the late-summer heat.

****

Reverend Johnson walked quietly, pausing at every noise he heard. Just a few moments ago, he’d hiked up to the ridge. From its crest, he could see a large fertile valley below, speckled with Indians and horses. He had been given the use of a pistol when he and a few other men had left town to go help look for the Mr. Hawthorn, the little Cartwright boy and the Cartwright cook. He hoped he would not need to use it, not that he knew how.

They’d managed to have pretty good luck all afternoon. Mr. Hawthorn and the cook – what was his name again? – had been found precisely where Mrs. Cartwright had said they would be. Both men had been shot but were still alive. They had found the boy’s tracks leading away toward the north. They’d lost them somewhere over the last mile and had all separated and fanned out in fear that he might be headed directly toward the Indian hide-out.

Please help us to find him, alive and safe, he prayed, not for the first time that day. They’d had nothing but discouragement since the attacks had begun the morning prior. It was time they had a run of good fortune for a change in the middle of all this atrocity.

He had no sooner breathed this prayer when he heard a faint whimper. He turned, running to the source of the sound. He stopped short, afraid to believe his eyes. It was a little boy, lying face down in the grass. He ran to him and turned him over. His eyes widened at the sight of the .44 held tightly in the boy’s small fist. The minister pried it out of the child’s hand and tucked it away securely in his belt.

He patted the boy’s cheek, trying to wake him. He stirred only slightly.

“Benny?” the minister said, quietly attempting to rouse him. “Benny, are you alright?”

Two glassy blue eyes opened slowly, and Reverend Johnson felt relief wash over him. He looked the boy over and was satisfied that he was not hurt, even if he was shaking like a leaf. Hopefully it would be nothing that a little food, water and rest couldn’t fix.

“Pa?” the single word was almost inaudible.

“Don’t worry,” he said, standing and gathering the boy into his arms, “You’re safe now.”

“I’m cold…” the boy muttered.

The man wondered at this since it was one of the hottest days they’d had all summer. The sun could do funny things to a grown man. God only knew what it might do to such a small child. He said another short prayer and quickened his pace.

****

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been laying there in the grass when he felt himself being drawn from the ground into someone’s arms. His Pa had finally come for him. With great effort, he opened his eyes and saw a vaguely familiar face staring down at him. He didn’t remember Pa looking like that…

“Pa?” he managed, at last.

“Don’t worry, you’re safe now.” He felt as though he should know that voice from somewhere.

“I’m cold.” He didn’t have the strength to attempt any more words than that.

Benny opened his eyes again, looking up at the man who carried him. His black clothing reminded him of Adam. Too exhausted to think, he abandoned his attempt at trying to place where he knew the stranger from. Finally, he leaned his head against the man’s chest and closed his eyes again, relieved that he wasn’t expected to walk any further.

He felt a soft vibration against the side of his face as the man started to hum quietly. He recognized the song. Every now and then the man would sing a few words aloud and then go back to humming. Benny was having a difficult time staying awake as the man’s vibrant bass voice lulled him softly.

“When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,” he sang, “When sorrows, like sea billows roll…”

That voice was so familiar. He opened his eyes again and looked up at the man. Reverend Johnson, the preacher from town. Yes, that was it. Satisfied in this knowledge, he allowed his eyes to close and soon after was asleep.

 

Chapter 12 – So Close, Yet So Far

Joe sat impatiently in the sitting area room of the hotel suite. They had ridden hard and fast all afternoon only to arrive in Virginia City and have to wait. They had hardly had time to dismount and tie their horses up when he and Hoss found themselves being shuffled into the hotel by a small group of frantic women, all chattering over one another about Grace having had the baby. Of course, Grace had not had the baby yet, nor was she in the process of having the baby. At least it didn’t sound like she was having the baby from where he sat only one room away.

It had been a good long while since Hoss had gone into the bedroom to see Grace. Occasionally he could hear them talking inside, but he couldn’t understand their words. He could, however, distinguish Ellen’s voice from within and he longed to see her – to see for himself that she was really alright. He sighed, feeling completely useless. He looked at the clock on the wall. Pa and Adam should be arriving shortly with Ruth and the boys. He would feel much better once he knew the entire family was together and safe. And wouldn’t they all be surprised to arrive in time to meet the newest Cartwright?

The door opened and Ellen walked out. Joe stood, a smile playing on his lips. She was certainly a sight for sore eyes. She paused and for a moment they stood there, staring as though to convince themselves that the other one was truly alive and well. Joe took a step toward her, and she rushed to him, burying her face in his chest and sobbing. He held her tightly and let her cry.

When she began to calm down, he pushed her back to look into her face. Her eyes were red from crying, but she was still a beautiful sight to him.

“I’m afraid your future wife is a bit of a blubbering fool…” she admitted, wiping her eyes on her apron.

“I don’t believe that for a second…” Joe said, pulling her back in and kissing the top of her head. “How is Grace?”

Ellen pushed away from him and moved to sit on the settee. Joe joined her, taking one of her hands in both of his.

“She seems to be okay right now…” she paused to use the handkerchief Joe offered. “But Paul says the baby is breech…”

Joe frowned at this, his heart aching for his brother and sister-in-law. “Listen,” he said, “I’m gonna have to ride out of here before dawn tomorrow to meet the posse… When Pa gets here with Ruth and the boys…”

Joe stopped when Ellen looked up at him in surprise, her face losing its color.

“But Ruth and Johnny are already here…”

Joe tried to sit patiently as Ellen explained the series of recent events. He felt torn. Finally, he stood, pacing worriedly around the room. He wanted to go to Johnny, but he also knew he wouldn’t be able to rest until Benny was found. He paused, weighing his options. At last, he crossed the room to retrieve his hat and gun belt.

“Where are you going?”

Joe turned at the door, looking into her pleading eyes.

“I’m gonna check on Johnny and then go find Benny.”

“Not without me yer not.”

Joe looked past Ellen to see Hoss standing in the doorway between the bedroom and the sitting area.

“Hoss… you can’t think of leaving now…” Joe began but was interrupted by his brother.

“Grace is resting now…” Hoss looked back at his wife in the room behind him, his face reflecting his helplessness, “Ain’t nuthin’ I can do for now… but I ain’t about to stay here as long as Benny’s still out there someplace…”

Joe regarded his brother skeptically for a moment. Then, deciding there was no use in protesting, he nodded.

“We’ll be back…” he told Ellen, kissing her gently. “Don’t worry.”

With that, he left the hotel suite, Hoss close on his heels.

****

Ben pulled the horse he shared with his son to a halt in front of the house. He looked at Adam. He was wavering in and out of consciousness. Ben frowned. The gash on Adam’s head was bleeding a lot now.

Ben looked around, horrified at the sight of the front door standing wide open and the ashy remains of the bunkhouse still smoldering. His heart fell.

“Ruth? Boys?”

Even as he called, he knew no one would answer. He looked back at Adam and was thankful he was not awake to see the hopeless devastation. They were too late.

Carefully, he climbed down, allowing Adam to slump in the saddle. He paused a moment to see that he wouldn’t slide off, before turning and running into the house.

“Ruth! Hop Sing!”

He stopped just inside the door and listened carefully. Silence. He noted the guns missing from the gun racks and ran quickly through the downstairs area of the house, calling loudly. In the guest room, he saw a few toys scattered here and there on the floor. The bed had been slept in. Ben’s heart stopped when he saw the blood-stained sheets and pillow. A tiny shirt soaked in blood lay on the floor and he had to grip the door frame to keep himself from falling to the floor.

He collected himself and left the house quickly, heading toward the bunk house. His stomach lurched at the smell. He didn’t need to look within to know that the hands had been left inside when it was set ablaze.

After searching the area thoroughly, he saw no trace of his sons, his daughter-in-law or their cook. He held onto the tiniest bit of hope as he remounted behind Adam. With any luck, they had all made it safely into town and whichever boy had been hurt was already in the care of Doc Martin. He started his horse down the road as quickly as he dared, saying a prayer for the dead he had to leave behind.

Adam groaned.

“I know…” he said, his voice soothing his grown son as though he were a little boy again. “Just a little further…”

Ben held fast to his eldest as he kicked the horse into an easy lope, thankful that Adam had slipped back into unconsciousness.

****

Hoss shifted in his saddle, his mind jumping from one worry to another. It seemed as though their search for Benny was not going to end anytime soon. After leaving Grace in the capable hands of Doc Martin, they’d stopped by to check on Johnny. The sight of Ruth and Johnny asleep on the cot had nearly broken his heart. She was obviously not about to leave their little brother’s side and for that he was thankful. They didn’t wake them, but both he and Joe had swapped dismal looks at the sight of the boy’s wound. It didn’t look good, but there was nothing they could do.

On their way out of town, they had passed a few men bringing in Mr. Hawthorn and Hop Sing. Both men were pretty badly hurt and unconscious. Hoss had asked the men to take care of them and to please not let Grace know about her father just yet. Lord knows she has enough to worry about right now, he reasoned.

“One other thing, Hoss,” one of the men had said before they left. “We found this a good ways north of where we found them…” The man had handed him a tiny gun belt and Hoss’s heart had sunk.

Now, as he rode along, Hoss rubbed his finger along the inscription burned into the leather, a feeling of guilt burning through him. For the last seven years it had been Hoss and Benny, inseparable kindred spirits bound by blood and like hearts. He knew it had been difficult for his youngest brother when he and Grace had married. They had gone from being together almost constantly to, at times, going a few days at a time before they even saw each other. Why hadn’t he made more of an effort to spend time with Benny? As the question plagued his heart, he began to remember his last days spent as a bachelor in the ranch house amid the company of his father and brothers…

 

A crack of morning lighting seeped into Hoss’s bedroom, and he slowly awoke. He glanced out the window and could tell it was about time for his pa and brothers to wake up. He looked down at the floor next to his bed and could make out a blanketed heap on the floor and a few wisps of black hair. He got out of bed and shook his head. Bending over, as seemed to be his usual morning routine, Hoss gathered his sleeping brother into his arms and headed toward the door. He paused briefly to look pathetically at the child he held.

‘Why does it have to be every night?’ he wondered.

About that time, Benny stirred slightly and nuzzled against him to ward off the morning chill in the air. Hoss couldn’t hold back a smile.

He sighed, glancing at the clock on the wall. He’d better get Benny back to his own bed before anyone woke up. It wouldn’t do for his father or brothers to find out that night after night the boy crept into Hoss’s bedroom to sleep on the floor next to his bed. Then morning would dawn and there would be excuses made of a bad dream or an upset stomach. Hoss knew better. He knew Benny well enough to know that his few months spent away from them in New Orleans had affected him more than he let on. Each night he came in, as though to assure himself that his family was still there – to make sure they had not left him.

Just as Hoss stepped quietly into the hallway, he found himself nose to nose – or rather armful to armful – with Adam. Hoss blushed then noticed the small charge sleeping against his brother’s chest. Johnny was snoring loudly, head resting on Adam’s shoulder. Both men regarded one another bashfully for a moment then both broke into quiet chuckles.

“It’s good to know I’m not the only pushover in this household,” Adam said with a grin.

The sound of movement in their father’s room brought them both back to their tasks at hand. “That’s one that ain’t much of a pushover,” Hoss whispered, “and he’d have our hides if he knew we let them do this every night.”

Adam had just opened his mouth to agree when their father’s bedroom door flew open, revealing a nightshirt-clad Ben. The brothers froze.

Ben looked at his older sons then to the burdens they carried and then back to them. An uncomfortable silence lingered as he shook his head.

“Adam… for someone who spends so much time admonishing everyone not to over-indulge these two, I must say this is quite a unique approach to practicing what you preach…”

Adam looked down, looking neither guilty nor innocent and Hoss envied his older brother’s ability to keep his dignity in any situation.

“And Hoss…” Hoss winced at his father’s tone but was relieved when his father could find no appropriate words to continue his reprimand.

He looked at Adam, silently attempting to get their story straight. Adam looked at him blankly. ‘I hate when he does that,’ Hoss thought. ‘Fer all them brains, you’d think he could come up with somethin’ good in a moment like this…’

“Pa,” Hoss began, “They just been through so much an’ it just didn’t rightly seem fair to turn’im away in the middle of the night when he comes in my room scared of some bad dream…”

“Every night,” Ben said flatly.

“Well… yeah,” Hoss ended lamely.

Ben turned to Adam, putting his hands on his hips. “And is that how it is with you two?”

Adam laughed uncomfortably, though his tone was casual. “Well, Pa… it takes a lot of adjustment for a little boy to get used to such a big house at night…”

“Little boys have to be raised with a firm hand,” Ben said, and Hoss could sense a lecture coming. “Hoss, you’ll be getting married soon. How fair do you think it’s gonna be for Benny to suddenly not have you there to go to at night?”

Hoss nodded, understanding his father’s point.

“They’re not babies anymore. I want you both to talk to them and put an end to this.”

The brothers nodded and turned to take the boys to their respective rooms. Hoss laid Benny on his bed and looked at him, a smile playing on his lips.

“I know yer awake…”

The boy rolled over and snored loudly, his eyes shut tightly. Hoss let out a low chuckle and reached a finger out to poke his ribs.

“You playin’ ‘possum?”

The boy giggled at this, and Hoss sat down next to him. Benny sat up, his smile fading.

“M’sorry I got you in trouble, Hoss…”

“Aint’ nuthin’to be sorry for.”

“I won’t do it no more…” Benny whispered, his blue eyes serious and penetrating.

“Listen Benny…” Hoss said, sitting down on the edge of the bed, “You know we ain’t never gonna leave you, right?”

Benny nodded.

“And you know we ain’t never gonna let no one take you away again…”

Another nod.

“Ain’t nuthin’ to worry about. But there’s times you gotta be by yerself. It’s just part of growin’ up… We cain’t always be right with ya.”

“I know…” Benny lowered his head. “I won’t do it again… I promise…”

Hoss nodded with a smile, certain that his brother would do his best to stay in his own room at night.

“But…” Benny said, his face taking on another smile, “It’s okay if you come into my room… if you were to get scared, that is.”

Hoss gave the boy a gap-toothed grin and a wink. “I’ll keep that in mind… even a big ol’ ox like me gets scared sometimes.”

 

Hoss frowned, the image of a little boy with black curls and bright blue eyes fixed in his mind. He had to be okay. He just had to be.

“This is where they found them,” Joe’s voice pulled Hoss from his thoughts.

Hoss nodded and began looking around for footprints.

“Here’s his tracks,” he said, after some minutes of looking. “Heading north, just like they said.”

Joe nodded, looking up at the sky.

“It’s gonna get dark before long… why don’t you head back to town and I’ll start looking… Grace is gonna need you.”

Hoss appreciated his brother’s concern and part of him wished he could simply make himself turn around and go to his wife, but he couldn’t. He remembered the look on Gracie’s face when she’d told him of the events that had transpired that day. She had begged him to go and find the little boy, assuring him that she would be perfectly fine. He knew his wife well. Her tender heart and spirited nature had basically told him, “Don’t come back till you’ve found him.” She was quite a woman.

He shook his head. “I know better than to leave you alone,” he forced a grin, trying to lighten the mood. “You need me along to keep your orn’ry hide outt’a trouble.”

Joe nodded, smiling. The men turned their horses to head north but stopped when they heard someone singing. A moment later, Reverend Johnson was walking toward them, careful of his footing on the large rocks. In his arms he carried a small boy.

Both men jumped from their horses and ran to him.

“I found him up near the north pasture…”

Hoss didn’t pay much attention to the man’s words; he just took the boy from him. Kneeling on the ground and propping Benny up a little, he began to speak to him.

“Benny… Come on Little Man, wake up…”

Joe had knelt in the dirt beside him and was laying his hand on their little brother’s head to check for fever.

“I’ll go get my canteen…” Joe said, hurrying back to his horse.

Benny’s eyes opened slowly.

“Hoss?” he whispered.

Hoss grinned at his youngest brother, hardly able to contain his relief. He pulled the boy up, resting him on his broad chest. He held him tightly.

“Thank God…”

Hoss’s throat constricted when his brother’s arms tightened around his neck.

“I didn’t think you’d ever come…” Benny said as he rested his head on Hoss’s shoulder.

Hoss stood, still holding fast to his brother. He suddenly remembered the preacher standing next to him. Shifting the boy into one arm, he extended his hand to the minister.

“Thank you, Reverend…” His thanks sounded so inadequate.

“Oh, don’t mention it. I’m just glad I found him… I think he’s been in the heat far too long, though… we should get him back to town quickly.”

Hoss nodded and turned to see Joe coming toward him with his canteen. He pulled Benny from his shoulder and draped him across his arms.

“Drink some of this…” Joe said, holding the canteen to Benny’s lips.

The boy took a sip then tried to take the canteen from his brother so that he could gulp it down.

“Not so fast…” Joe said, pulling the canteen away. “…you’ll get sick…”

After a few more sips of water, the four mounted up. With any luck, the entire Cartwright family would be in Virginia City by nightfall.

 

Chapter 13 – In For a Long Night

Familiar voices slowly drew him from his dreams. He inhaled the scent of fancy cologne. With much effort, he pried open his eyes. He was cradled in Joe’s arms. He could hear Hoss’s voice but could not see him. His brothers were conversing quietly, and it took some effort for Benny’s mind to make sense of their words.

“Is everything set to go for tomorrow morning,” Joe was asking.

“Yeah, we’ll leave here at dawn to go meet the posses.”

“I really think you should stay here with Grace…”

“You know better’n that, Joe…”

“Where’s Pa…?” Benny’s voice was raspy and he was becoming aware of an intense burning sensation on his face.

“Hey…” Joe’s voice seemed to have a mixture of playfulness and worry. “We were wondering when you were gonna decide to wake up and join us, Little Brother…”

Benny allowed his brother to prop him up into a more upright sitting position. Too tired to hold himself up, he leaned against Joe’s chest. He could now see Hoss sitting at the edge of a cot, bathing Johnny’s head with a cool rag.

“Is Johnny gonna be okay?”

“Yeah… he’s just a little sick right now…” Benny thought Joe’s words sounded confident enough, but something in the way his brother’s arms tightened about him made him wonder.

Benny closed his eyes, trying to remember the events of the day. There seemed to be a fine line between what had really happened and what might have only been a dream. Suddenly he sat upright, remembering.

“Hop Sing!”

“Hop Sing here… no worry…” Benny turned on his brother’s lap to see the cook smiling down at him. One arm was bandaged and held in a sling. With his good hand, he held a stack of blankets. “Hop Sing help Missy Ruth now.”

The cook smiled warmly at him, and Benny relaxed once again against Joe’s chest.

“Little boy’s face burned from sun… I get something for it.”

Benny watched as Hop Sing turned quickly to deliver his armful of blankets and then disappeared out the door of the saloon.

“Where’s Pa?” he repeated, leaning back against Joe’s chest.

“He’ll be here soon enough…” Hoss said, standing up from the cot and turning to collect his hat from a nearby table.

Benny frowned and slid off Joe’s lap. His legs wobbled from exhaustion, and it took him a moment to catch his balance.

“Where’re ya goin’?”

Hoss looked down at him and gave him a smile, weak though it was. He knelt down, eye to eye with Benny.

“Well, I’ve got to get on over’t the hotel… Hopefully before long, I’m gonna be a papa and yer gonna be an uncle.”

Benny’s eyes widened at this. “She’s havin’ the baby now? Can I come too?”

His brothers laughed at this, though he didn’t see what was so funny.

“I have a feeling Grace would rather you didn’t go…” Joe said, still chuckling and Benny turned to frown at him.

“Afraid he’s right Little Man… Doc won’t even let me in when the time comes… Take care of Johnny while I’m gone, okay?”

With that, Hoss placed his hat on his head and ruffled Benny’s black curls.

“Let me know when Pa and Adam get back…” he said over his shoulder as he left.

Benny turned and crawled back up into Joe’s lap.

“I wish Pa was here right now…” Benny blinked back a few tears, wondering why he felt homesick when he wasn’t even the one who had left home.

“I know…”

“Joe, what’s goin’ on?” Benny asked, looking around the saloon at the enormous number of injured people lying around.

Behind him, he could hear Joe sigh heavily. It was several moments before he answered.

“Some people decided to do some really bad things, Benny…”

“All that…?” Benny motioned at the people around the room.

“Mm-hm…”

Benny turned to look at Johnny. “…And that…?”

“Yeah…” His brother’s voice was hardly a whisper and Benny turned to look up at him. Joe’s eyes were red and glistening.

“Is he really gonna be alright, Joe?”

His brother looked at him sadly. “I don’t know, Benny…”

“I don’t like those bad people…” Benny admitted, a few tears finally trickling their way down his cheeks.

Joe’s arms tightened around him almost to the point of making it difficult to breathe. He saw his brother’s hands ball up into fists so tense that his knuckles turned white.

“I don’t either…”

****

“I think I managed to turn the baby to the proper position… but right now I’m really worried about Grace… she’s not had any rest and I’m afraid she might not have the strength to…” Paul trailed off and Hoss felt a pang of fear in his gut.

“I know yer doin’ the best ya can…”

Paul nodded. “I’ve got to get back to the saloon and check on a few people. I’m worried about Johnny too… that shoulder’s infected…”

Hoss nodded and Paul collected his hat and bag from the table. “I’ll be back.”

Hoss turned to enter the bedroom where Grace was and met Ellen coming out.

“Hoss, you’re back! Did you find Benny?”

He nodded, “He’s down at the saloon with Joe. He’s fine…”

Ellen’s face reflected her relief.

“Why don’t you go on down and sit with Joe a while. You been up here all day. I’ll stay with Grace…” Hoss rather hoped she wouldn’t protest. He wanted some time alone with his wife.

“B’sides… I think he could probably use some help down there… You know what a handful them boys can be…”

Even as he said it, he knew the excuse was ridiculous. Benny was far too exhausted to get into any mischief and Johnny was beginning to alarm them all with his refusal to wake up. He saw a note of skepticism in Ellen’s face. At length, though, she smiled and nodded.

In the bedroom, Hoss pulled a chair up next to the bed. His wife lay on the bed with her eyes closed, but he could tell she was not asleep – likely couldn’t sleep.

“Hey, Gracie, I’m back…”

Her eyes opened and she looked at him, calculating his demeanor. He knew she was wondering about Benny, trying to decide by his appearance if the news was good or bad.

“We found’im… he’s fine…”

She smiled warmly, relaxing. He took her hand in his larger one.

“How ya feelin’?”

Her answer came in the form of a tight squeeze on his hand. He wondered at all the times over the last ten months that she’d asked him to open jars for her. Such a small woman ought not to have such a powerful grip, he decided. Finally, though, she relaxed, sighing heavily in relief.

“I’m ready for your child to make an appearance…” she said flatly.

“My child?” Hoss asked in mock-confusion.

“Yes, when he or she is being stubborn like this, it will always be your child.”

The two laughed and then several quiet moments descended before Grace spoke again.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but… I really hope the baby doesn’t take after you…” She looked at him, a teasing twinkle in her eye. “Your father told me you were the biggest baby born this side of the Mississippi…”

Hoss laughed at this, nodding. “Reckon I prob’ly was…”

The two sat there for some time enjoying a comfortable silence. Hoss toyed with the gold band that adorned his wife’s third finger. Her fingers were so slim and dainty – a stark contrast from his own, which were large and work-worn. He held her hand comfortably now, but he remembered the first time he’d held it…

 

The day was warm, though the September breeze held a promise of coming relief from the summer’s terribly hot weather. Hoss lounged back on one elbow, enjoying the soft picnic quilt beneath him and the full belly provided by Grace’s picnic lunch. Full stomach, soft blanket, cool breeze. If he wasn’t mistaken, the conditions were perfect for a really fine nap. But how could he possibly waste one moment of this day sleeping, when he had the privilege of spending it with the prettiest woman he’d ever known?

“That was a right fine lunch you made, Miss Grace…” he said, sitting up to avoid the temptation to drift into sound slumber.

He looked up in surprise when she began to giggle softly.

“I’m afraid I have to confess…” she looked at him apologetically, “My mother made the lunch… I’m afraid I’m not much of a cook…”

He smiled, brushing off her concern. “Yer in good company then, cause I’m not especially good either…”

“Well… at least you don’t have to worry about that being your permanent job…” She paused, thoughtfully, “I think someday I’ll just have to make myself rich so I can afford a cook…”

“And just how do you figger on makin’ yerself rich?”

Hoss noted the serious expression in her face. “I have that figured out…” she smiled impishly, “I’m just gonna have to rob a bank.”

Hoss laughed. “I’m sure there’s an easier way than that…”

She shrugged, “If there is, I haven’t found it… I suppose I’ll just have to bite the bullet and learn how to cook.”

Hoss looked up at the sun, calculating the time.

“Did you say yer family was havin’ company tonight fer dinner?”

She nodded, “Yes… why?”

“It’s pert near three o’clock and we’re a good ways from yer place…”

The alarm on Grace’s face told him it was most assuredly time for their picnic to end.

“Oh dear… I told Mama I’d be back in time to help her get things ready…” she scowled, “Oh, I just hate these dinner parties they throw… and they always seem to spoil a perfectly fun day.”

“Well…” Hoss said, standing, “We’d better get this stuff cleaned up and get you back home.”

The two set to work repacking the picnic basket. Hoss moved to put the basket in the buggy while Grace folded the quilt they’d been dining on. He turned just in time to see her tumble to the ground. He ran to her, kneeling beside her.

“You alright, Miss Grace?”

Her face reddened and she laughed, holding out her hand. “My heel broke…” In the palm of her hand, she held the heel from her shoe. “Of all the silly things…”

Hoss smiled in relief and helped her up. When she stood, they found themselves rather close to one another. He could feel his face and ears growing warm as his heartbeat quickened. It seemed to Hoss as though they stood there for an eternity. He chided himself to say something to break the silence, but nothing of any intelligence came to mind. He looked down to avoid her eyes and noticed he was still holding her hand.

“M’sorry…” he mumbled and quickly released her hand.

He ventured to raise his eyes to look at her. She was smiling at him.

“It’s alright…” Her smile warmed and she took his hand again.

Hoss was sure his heart would fairly explode in his chest. Her hand felt tiny in his.

“Ready to go?” she asked.

Hoss grinned sheepishly, resisting the urge to burst into nervous laughter. Could he dare to hope?

They turned toward the buggy, but Hoss paused.

“Miss Grace…”

“Just ‘Grace’… or ‘Gracie’ if you like…”

He gave her a grin. “Alright… Gracie… I was just wonderin’ if… you were… well…” he fumbled trying to find the right words. “What I mean is… we’ve been seein’ quite a bit of each other and… well yer shore a purdy gal and I’m sure there’s a lot of other fellas who’d like to um… Well, what I want to know – not that it’s any of my business, but… are there… other fellas?”

Hoss looked at her, unsure of how to read the bizarre expression on her face. She seemed to be trying to cipher what he meant.

“Oh…” she grinned, finally understanding, “No, Hoss… there’s no other… um… ‘fellas’…”

Hoss felt his smile grow from ear to ear. He turned back to the buggy.

“Wait…” Grace stopped suddenly, pulling her hand from his.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

She squared her shoulders up in, what seemed to Hoss, a rather defiant and irritated manner.

“Are there…” She cleared her throat and raised a cool eyebrow at him. “…other ‘gals’…?”

Hoss shook his head. “Not unless you count the kind that have hooves and horns…”

The two grinned at each other. He took her hand again and led her, limping on a heelless shoe, to the carriage. At last, they started down the road, satisfied they had both reached a mutual understanding.

 

“Penny for your thoughts…”

Grace’s voice pulled him from his memories and he looked up at her.

“Hmm? Oh… I was just sitting here wondering how it was that I got so all-fired lucky that I’d get to wake up next to you everyday…”

“Well, you see,” she winked at him, “When God was handing out luck and healthy appetites, you somehow got a double serving.”

At her mention of “appetite” Hoss put a hand on his stomach and looked at it in playful pouting. “Aw… I’m just a growin’ boy…”

“Lord only knows how with my cooking!” she said.

“Now don’t you talk like that… you’ve gotten a lot better – what was that you made fer me just b’fore I left fer Sacramento?” He stopped, trying to recall.

“Oh, you mean my Vegetable Soup Surprise?” She rolled her eyes. “Dear, when something has the word ‘surprise’ in it that means run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. And the meal is certainly not a success when the vegetables magically disappear while it’s cooking…”

That’s right, he remembered now. Them little black things was supposed to be vegetables? he thought on this a moment. “Well, I’ll be durned…” he mumbled.

“Have you heard from my father yet?”

Grace’s sudden subject change caught him off guard. He frowned. He’d hoped to not have to tell her about her Pa until after the baby had come.

“Hoss… what is it?”

His face soured at the look of fear that had shadowed her face.

“Gracie… you’re Pa went out to bring Ruth back with the boys… they ran into some trouble… he and Hop Sing were both shot.”

The alarm on her face spurred him to continue quickly.

“They’re both okay… in fact, yer Pa thinks he’ll be able to ride out with us at dawn.”

Grace rolled her eyes, sighing in frustration. “Going out to tempt fate twice…”

“Gracie… we gotta stop these people… Ain’t a man around who could sit by and not do something to try and stop’em…” Hoss paused, laying a hand on his wife’s stomach. “A man’s gotta protect his family…”

He looked up at her again and she was crying. He hated to see her cry.

“Promise me you’ll come back?”

Hoss picked up her hand and pressed his lips against it.

“I promise.”

 

Chapter 14 – Reunion

“How come people do bad things, Joe?”

Joe sighed, running a hand wearily along the back of his neck. He glanced at the clock across the room. He wished his father were here. Benny had been asking question after difficult question and he wasn’t sure he knew how to answer the seven-year-old appropriately. He looked at his youngest brother. Benny sat in a chair opposite him. On his lap, he balanced a tin plate bearing two halves of a sandwich that remained completely untouched. Joe looked at his own meager dinner and, in light of the current events, didn’t feel hungry either.

“Joe?” Benny looked up at him, his blue eyes piercing and serious.

“There’s a lot of reasons I suppose…” he offered.

“Like what?”

Joe sighed again, thinking.

“Well… like maybe they’ve had something bad done to them and they feel like they need to get revenge, or some people might never have been taught to know any better…then others…”

He looked over at their brother lying motionless on the cot beside them. Ruth and Ellen were hovering over him, half listening to the brothers’ conversation. The women looked up apologetically at him and Joe knew Johnny’s condition had not changed.

“Others are just mean, I guess…”

“How come some people don’t never have to worry ‘bout nuthin’ bad happenin’ and… Some people have a lott’a bad stuff happen to’em?”

Joe noted the look of sadness on his brother’s face and knew he was thinking about all the difficult events that surrounded the past year.

“I don’t know, Benny…”

The two sat in silence for a while, before Benny spoke again.

“Joe?… If you’d’a known all this would happen… would you still gone away to Sac’rmento?”

Joe pondered the question. What would he give to have known this would happen? To have a chance to say goodbye and spend time with friends and family he might never see again…

“Benny… we don’t ever know what’s gonna happen to us – or to those we care about. We have to take the bad with the good… not worry about the how different we wish things might have been…”

“There’s a lot I’d wish to be differ’nt…”

“I know…”

Joe looked up and saw a familiar form silhouetted against the lantern hanging next to the saloon doors. A smile crept across his face.

“I guess sometimes, some wishes come true though…”

Benny looked at him, questioning. “Huh?”

Joe winked. “Look at the door…”

Benny frowned curiously then turned around in his chair. “PA!”

****

By the time the buildings that made up the outer edges of Virginia City came into view, the sun had already sunk into the western horizon, creating the slightest glowing halo around the storm clouds that were moving in. Adam had awoken a few times, mumbling, but for the most part he was dead weight in the saddle.

Nearing the edge of town, he couldn’t help but spur the horse to manage a brisker walk. Soon though, they were riding down the main strip of Virginia City. Ben could hear the faint booming of thunder and was thankful to have finally made it to town.

As he rode down the street, he noticed that people seemed to be everywhere and nowhere all at once. Those who were out and about lingered on boardwalks or wandered around, still in shock, apparently unsure of what to do with themselves. He could see through the windows of the Silver Dollar that a large group of people were congregated within. He headed in that direction. He saw Reverend Johnson standing in the doorway. Had the situation not been what it was, he might have thought it oddly humorous to see a man of the clergy in a saloon.

“Howdy Ben,” the minister said, “Everyone was beginning to get a little worried about the two of you.”

Ben nodded quickly, “Yes, I know… Can you help me?” He motioned to Adam. “We need to get him inside…”

The man stepped quickly beside the horse and pulled Adam carefully from the saddle.

“I’ll take him inside and find a place for him…”

Ben offered his thanks and dismounted, tying his horse to the hitching post. He stopped briefly to pat the animal rewardingly. Moving wearily inside, he paused in the doorway to look around. If Ben had not comprehended the magnitude of devastation before, he was painfully aware of it after entering the Silver Dollar Saloon. Injured and dying people seemed to be everywhere, lying on cots and make-shift cots. Moans and cries raised and descended only to swell once more. He recognized a number of women who sat next to cots or scurried about changing bandages and ministering to the needs of this person or that.

“PA!” a familiar, high-pitched voice called out over the crowd and Ben turned to see a beautiful sight – Benny running toward him.

“Thank God…” he mumbled as he scooped the boy up into his arms. “I was so worried…” He was fairly giddy with laughter from the relief that washed over him.

“Hey, Pa.”

Ben looked up to see Joe smiling at him. “We were beginning to think you and Adam weren’t coming… say, where is Adam?”

Ben frowned and nodded his head to where Reverend Johnson was laying Adam down on a long table. Not wanting to alarm Benny, he shook his head at Joe, indicating that he’d fill him in later.

“Where are Ruth and Johnny?”

Joe’ eyes fell to the ground and Ben’s heart stopped. The image of the bloody sheets and missing guns and smoldering bunkhouse passed through his mind. Dear God, no…

Joe turned and motioned to the corner of the saloon. Ben could see Ruth standing over a small still form. Ellen stood alongside her and looked up to see them. She crossed the room to meet them. It was all Ben could do to pry his eyes off Johnny to greet his future daughter-in-law.

“Is he…” Ben’s throat constricted, and he saw Benny turned in his arms to look up at him. He looked at the boy and forced a smile.

“Benny, your father’s been riding all day…” Ellen said smiling at the child. “I’ll bet he’s pretty hungry. How about we go find him something to eat?”

Benny hesitated, looking back at his father. Ben smiled and nodded then set him on the ground. He nodded his thanks to Ellen as she led the boy away by the hand. He turned back to Joe. His son’s face was grave.

“He’s over here, “Joe motioned to the corner of the room. When Ben moved in that direction his son stopped him, placing a hand on his arm. “Pa… We don’t… we don’t know if he’s gonna make it…” Joe’s voice was strained and quiet with grief.

A pang of fear coursed through his body. He had buried four wives. Was he now to be asked to outlive one of his sons?

“What about Adam?” Joe’s subject change was quick and Ben could tell he was fighting to control his emotions.

Ben scowled, placing his hands on his hips. “His horse stumbled and fell on him… I think he’ll be okay, though…”

“Paul’s around here someplace…” Joe said, looking around, “I’ll see if he can go take a look at him…”

Ben nodded and willed his legs, which had suddenly become rather numb, to move toward the corner of the saloon where Johnny lay.

“Ruth…” he said quietly.

Ruth paused, recognizing his voice. Slowly she turned, tears streaming down her face.

“I’m so sorry…” she cried, “You trusted me…”

Ben pulled her into a comforting embrace.

“Yes, I trusted you… and I still do.”

As he spoke, his eyes regarded Johnny skeptically. The boy was deathly pale and Ben had to look long and hard to see the faint rise and fall of his chest.

“Listen…” Ben pushed her away, his hands resting on her shoulders. “…Adam’s been hurt…”

Ruth’s eyes widened in horror and he quickly proceeded. “His horse fell on him. He’s over there…” He motioned across the room. “I’ll stay here with Johnny if you’ll go tend to Adam…”

Ruth took a deep breath, collecting herself. She nodded and started off across the room.

“Ruth?” Ben said and she paused, turning back, “Adam will be okay.”

Ben managed a smile for her which she returned, squaring her shoulders.

“And so will Johnny….”

The determination in his daughter-in-law’s face replenished a small amount of hope within him. He nodded to her and she turned quickly to go to her husband.

A clap of thunder rang out, shushing the room momentarily. Soon the pattering of rainfall could be heard on the roof. That was all they needed. Ben thought about the events the following morning would bring and inwardly cursed the unlucky turn of the weather.

“Here Pa…”

Ben looked down to see Benny coming toward him with a stack of sandwiches wrapped in a napkin. Ellen was not far behind him, carrying a glass of water.

“I’m afraid it’s not exactly Hop Sing’s cooking, but it’s all we were able to come up with…”

Ben accepted the meal with hearty thanks and laid the sandwiches and glass on the table next to Johnny’s cot.

“Yer not hungry, Pa?” Benny asked, looking at that food he’d just laid aside.

“I am,” he said, pulling Benny into his lap, “but right now I have something more important to do.”

“Really? What?”

“This…” Ben gave his son’s stomach a quick tickle and the boy doubled over, grinning.

“Pa?” Benny began, looking at his twin. His face sobered quickly. “I’m glad yer here…”

“Not half as glad as I am that you’re here…” Ben said, wrapping his arms around his small son.

Benny settled against his father’s chest and Ben turned his attention to Johnny. The boy’s shirt and shoes had been discarded, leaving him only clad in a pair of pants which were speckled here and there with dried blood. Ben noted the bloody bandages lying around and correctly surmised that Ruth had just finished changing them.

How could this happen?, was the question his heart cried. He laid a hand on Johnny’s forehead and was alarmed at the heat that emanated from it. Who in their right mind could shoot a child?  He sat, chiding himself inwardly for ever leaving the boys in the first place.

After some time, Ben suddenly remembered Ellen. He turned to her, not wishing to make her feel ignored.

“Where are Hoss and Grace?”

“At the hotel… we’re hoping the newest Cartwright will decide to make an appearance soon…”

Ben’s spirits lifted at this. “Now?”

He was happy, but if ever there was an inopportune time for a child to come into the world, it would be now.

Ellen laughed quietly, “Grace says that the baby’s following in true Cartwright fashion – already mastering in the art of inconvenient timing.”

Ben managed a slight chuckle at this.

“Pa, yer here…”

Hoss’s voice sailed over the crowd’s murmuring. Ben turned to see his large son coming quickly toward them, his shirt wet from walking through the rain. It was a rare sight to see Hoss completely panic-stricken, but that was exactly what he was at this moment. Ben stood quickly, almost forgetting that Benny was in his lap. The boy had managed to fall asleep in record time and it was no wonder, given how far past his bedtime it was. Ben shifted his son’s position, laying him against his chest so that Benny’s head rested on his shoulder.

“Ellen…” Hoss was saying, “I think it’s ‘bout time… Grace is havin’ an awful hard time of it… I gotta find Paul…”

Before he’d finished talking, Ellen was hurrying out of the saloon. Hoss looked at his father and Ben understood the helplessness in his features. He knew what it was to lose a wife in childbirth, and he would not wish it on his worst enemy; and certainly never his own son. He watched as Hoss’s attention fell to Benny. He laid a hand on the boy’s back and Ben knew he was lingering out of guilt – torn between his devotion to two families.

“This one’ll be okay…” Hoss said quietly. “Ruth just thinks he’s exhausted from wandering around all day in the hot sun…”

Ben wanted to ask why the boy had been ‘wandering around out in the sun all day,’ but decided not to delay Hoss any further by asking.

“And Johnny…” Hoss’s face fell, his hand still resting on Benny’s back.

“Hoss…” Ben said, pulling Benny gently away from his reach. “You have your own family to worry about now…,” he smiled gently, “We’ll be fine here. You go to Grace.”

Hoss nodded and, without another word, turned and walked away. Ben watched him as he went. Hoss stopped near the door to speak to Paul Martin. The doctor nodded and quickly followed him out of the saloon.

Ben sighed, aching to be able to fix all of his sons’ hurts. He sat heavily in the chair next to Johnny’s cot, arranging Benny in his lap. Despite his age, the boy was still small enough to cradle. Ben looked at him. He was filthy and his face and neck glowed bright red with blistering from the sun. He sighed, looking at Johnny. He picked up a cloth out of the basin of water next to him and began patting Johnny’s face and neck with it.

Ben felt completely powerless to help the boy. There was nothing he could do that hadn’t already been done better by someone else. He rested one hand at the top of Johnny’s warm head and held Benny close with the other. Looking around, he quickly found his other sons in the crowd of people that filled the room. Adam still lay on the table where Reverend Johnson had left him, and Joe was being shooed away on an errand by Ruth.

“Sort of pulled in all directions I see…”

Ben looked up and saw the minister taking a seat next to him. He smiled politely at the man.

“Yes, I suppose I am.” Ben shifted Benny in his arms to a more comfortable position and leaned to get a better view of Adam.

“Why don’t I take this little guy for you so you can go on over there? He and I are already pretty well-acquainted.”

Before Ben could respond, the pastor was already pulling Benny from him. He hesitated, looking apprehensively at Johnny.

“I’ll keep an eye on him too. You go on…”

Ben smiled his thanks, lingering only a moment longer before walking away. He crossed the room to where Ruth stood cleaning the gash on Adam’s head.

“How is he?”

Ruth looked up and Ben could see she needed to get some rest.

“He has at least two broken ribs and…” she pressed a clean cloth firmly against Adam’s head wound. “…I think this might be a mild concussion… Nothing too bad, though – I’ve seen a lot worse in the last two days… He’ll be pretty cranky when he wakes up, but that won’t be unusual from any other time he wakes up.”

Ben found himself smiling at his daughter-in-law’s attempt at light-heartedness.

“Ruth, Mrs. Hawthorne said this is the last of the bandages until they get a chance to cut some more.” Joe came up behind them, handing Ruth a stack of bandages.

Adam groaned, waking slowly. Ben moved to stand next to his eldest.

“Adam?” he said, watching the hazel eyes flutter open and closed in an attempt to focus.

“Adam, we need to sit you up for just a minute.” Ruth’s voice was controlled and authoritative as she worked to unroll the clean white bandages.

“Here we go,” Ben said, slowly easing his son up to a sitting position on the table.

Ben apologized at each wince and groan as he helped to keep Adam propped up. He looked at his son’s face and frowned at the rather blank look in his eyes.

“Adam… do you remember what happened?” Ben probed, hoping the blow to the head hadn’t affected his memory.

He looked worriedly at Joe when Adam didn’t answer.

“Adam… do you know where you are?” Ben asked as he watched Ruth clean and bandage the nasty head wound.

Adam looked carefully at his surroundings and then to his wife.

“I thought I married a good girl…” he mumbled, and Ben, Joe and Ruth looked at one another, confused. “…Didn’t your parents ever tell you not to hang around in a saloon?”

A moment of strained silence passed before realization dawned.

“Older Brother’s back,” Joe said, grinning.

 

Chapter 15 – “The Pipes, The Pipes Are Calling…”

“Hey Brother… how’s it going?”

Hoss looked up to see Joe entering the hotel room. He leaned forward and his elbows on his knees as he shook his head.

“Ain’t heard nuthin’ fer a while…”

He stared at the bedroom door as Joe moved to sit next to him on the settee. He prayed, for the hundredth time, that he might soon hear the cry of a baby.

“How’s everything down there?” Hoss asked, trying to avoid talking about the events transpiring in the next room.

Joe stretched and gave a loud yawn before answering. “Adam’s awake and giving Ruth a heck of a time – won’t stay put… Benny’s been asleep for a while… Pa’s been running himself ragged trying to keep up with everyone, but he finally nodded off ‘bout ten minutes ago too… and Johnny…”

Hoss looked up at the disappointment in his brother’s voice.

“Johnny’s doing about the same…”

Hoss nodded. The clock on the wall chimed the hour. It would be dawn in another four hours or so.

“Don’t you think you better go get some rest before we gotta head out?”

Joe seemed amused at this. “Yeah, and what about you, Big Brother?”

“I ain’t sleepy…”

“Like heck, you’re not.”

Hoss shrugged off his brother’s concern. In truth, he was tired – exhausted even. But he didn’t dare blink too long for fear that something might happen with Grace or the baby. He dismissed the thought and stood to pace the room.

Joe chuckled softly and Hoss frowned. “What you laughin’ at?”

Joe leaned back on the settee, lacing his fingers behind his head and propping his feet onto the coffee table in front of him.

“A year ago, who’d’ve thought that you’d be pacing round the room waiting for a doctor to come in and announce, ‘It’s a…’” Joe paused, considering this. “Say, what d’you think it’s gonna be – boy or girl?”

Hoss stopped his pacing to think about this. How many times had he wondered that very thing over the last several months? It could be near maddening waiting such a long time for a baby to come, but it sure was a lot of fun speculating and dreaming.

“I dunno, really…” He leaned against the wall, his hands behind his back. “Could be either one, but…”

“A boy?” Joe finished with a grin.

Hoss laughed, “Yeah, but I don’t know why I think that… maybe cause I can’t imagine one of us orn’ry Cartwrights ever tryin’ to raise a dainty little girl…”

“You two decided on any names?”

Hoss shook his head. “Naw… Grace cain’t seem to make up’er mind… says we ought’a wait till we see’im – or her – and find a name that’s fittin’.”

“That’s a pretty good idea… never know, it could be a fifteen pounder and you might need to name it ‘Junior’…”

Hoss looked at him coolly. “Or could be… he might look mischievous and we might wind up with another Joseph in the family.”

“I don’t know that the Cartwright family is ready for another me… and the three-and-a-half-foot circus.”

Their laughter and good-natured bantering almost drowned out the weak sounds of a baby’s cry. When at last they heard it, they froze, staring at one another in disbelief.

“You hear that, Joe?” Hoss said, his eyes growing large. “I got me another little Joseph or-or-or a big little Junior… or a junior girl… or a – oh Lordy, we cain’t name a little girl Junior…” Even as he babbled nervously, he knew he was making little sense.

“Hoss, just calm down now…” Joe said, and Hoss nodded.

The door to the bedroom opened and Hoss felt his palms go sweaty. His heart beat wildly in his chest and he felt as though it was an eternity before Ellen came out of the bedroom into the sitting room, holding a blanketed bundle in her arms. Hoss stared at her, wide-eyed.

“Well,” Ellen said as she bounced the fussing child in her arms, “Are you just going to stand there ogling or are you going to come meet your son?”

“Hoss, did you hear that?” Hoss felt his brother’s hand clap him firmly on the back but couldn’t seem to make his mouth form a reply. He heard Joe behind him bounding toward the door. “It’s a boy! I’m gonna go down and tell everyone!”

Hoss gave Ellen a bashful smile and rubbed his palms together nervously as he stepped forward. She offered him a warm congratulations and shuffled the squirming and crying bundle into his arms.

“There now,” he said, his voice barely a whisper, “You done had a rough night… you just settle down now….”

At length, his son’s cries ceased and Hoss chuckled as he began making those funny noises that babies always seem to make. He found himself completely in awe of the child he held and he moved carefully to sit on the settee. Before long, the baby was fast asleep. Hoss reached a finger out to stroke the golden halo of fuzz on the baby’s head.

“Ain’t you a lucky thing,” he said softly, “You done managed to look like yer Ma…”

Hoss looked up at Ellen. “How is Gracie?”

“Paul’s still in with her…” She smiled comfortingly at him. “That’s normal though…”

Hoss nodded, looking back down at his son.

“I just cain’t hardly believe yer finally here…”

The baby’s fist found his father’s finger and latched onto it. Hoss laughed. “He’s gotta mighty powerful grip fer a little feller, don’t he?”

It wasn’t long before they were joined by a small group of visitors. Hoss stood up, smiling. His father and Joe entered first, followed by Grace’s parents.

“Ain’t he a good lookin’ boy?” Hoss asked proudly and the grandparents crowded in to see.

Joe ran out into the hallway calling for Adam to hurry up. Eventually, Adam entered, groaning and half supported by a very irritated-looking Ruth.

“Adam?” Hoss asked, worried. “You look terrible…”

Ruth rolled her eyes in frustration, “I told him to stay downstairs…”

“And miss seeing my very first nephew?”

Hoss nodded toward the settee. Adam moaned as he carefully lowered himself to sit. Soon, the room was abuzz with excited chatter and comments about whose eyes the baby had and did he have Adam’s nose and Ben’s ears and was that Mr. Hawthorn’s chin. Hoss swelled with pride as his son was passed from person to person to be admired and fussed over. He reveled in the congratulations and hearty handshakes that were offered.

“Hoss…”

The happy chatter in the room dissolved at Paul Martin’s entrance. Hoss looked at the doctor, his smile fading.

“Doc… how’s Gracie…?”

Paul looked down at the ground, shaking his head sadly. Hoss felt his body go numb.

“You’d better come in here…” Paul said gravely.

Behind him, Hoss could hear his mother-in-law gasp and he willed his feet to move forward. Inside the bedroom Grace lay still on the bed, her forehead dotted with perspiration.

“Hoss, she was so weak and has lost so much blood…” Paul whispered, “I’m afraid there’s nothing more I can do. I’m so sorry…”

Hoss swallowed the lump in his throat and slowly nodded his understanding. Paul offered an apologetic pat on his back and left the room. Hoss moved to kneel beside his wife’s bed.

“Gracie?” He placed a hand gently on her forehead.

Grace’s eyes opened slowly and she looked at him, smiling weakly.

“We have a son, Hoss…”

Hoss smiled though his eyes burned with unshed tears. “We shore do… you done real good…”

“He’s going to be a handsome man someday…. Like his father…” She paused, “I wish I could see…”

“Now don’t you talk like that…” Hoss took her hand in his “Yer gonna be just fine… you hear me?”

She smiled, shaking her head. “No Hoss…”

Tears now streamed unchecked down his face. “Gracie… you cain’t leave me… not now…”

“Hoss, my father used to tell me that God puts us on earth with a specific purpose. Our’s is not to question or complain… I can’t think of any greater purpose than bringing our son into the world… and now I suppose my work is done.”

“It ain’t fair,” Hoss said flatly.

She smiled sympathetically at him and released his hand to gently touch his cheek. “It will be by and by…”

A few moments passed before Grace spoke again.

“Where is our son?”

Hoss leaned over to press a kiss onto her forehead. “I’ll go get’im…”

Hoss had almost forgotten about their family in the next room. Their forlorn expressions told him that Paul had already spoken with them. His heart ached at the sight of Grace’s mother sobbing softly in the arms of her husband. He cleared his throat, unsure if he could trust his voice.

“She wants to see the baby…”

His father stepped forward and handed the sleeping infant to him. Hoss looked helplessly into his father’s face. He felt his pa’s hand grip his shoulder and he nodded his appreciation. Slowly he turned and took the baby to Grace.

“Here he is…” Hoss said, laying the child next to her on the bed.

She smiled, looking at their son. “Promise me… you’ll raise him to be just like you…”

Hoss frowned, “Ain’t nuthin’ special ‘bout me…”

“Please promise…”

He had never been much of a match against his wife’s pleading blue eyes. “Alright… whatever you want.”

She looked back at the child. “He looks like he will carry the weight of the world on his shoulders… He will care deeply for other people just like his father… He will be a man of strength and integrity and stand up for what’s right. He’ll be a perfect Cartwright.”

“Daniel…” she said softly.

“What?”

“It means ‘God is my judge.’”

Hoss looked at the baby and nodded. She had been right. She did know the right name when they saw him.

“Daniel,” she repeated, smiling, “Maybe even Danny…”

“I think that’s a right fine name…”

“I’m so sleepy…”

Hoss looked up at her quickly and saw her fighting to keep her eyes open. He held her hand tightly, bringing it to his lips.

“I love you Gracie…”

 

Chapter 16 – Almost Morning

The room felt cool and damp from the thunderstorm that carried on outside. A single lamp glowed in the corner of the sitting room of the hotel suite. For a long time the small area had been crowded with family, but now the room was dark and lonely. Ruth had finally insisted that Adam go down and get some rest. Mr. and Mrs. Hawthorn had left, mourning bitterly over the loss of their daughter. Joe and Ellen had gone to see if they could find a woman who could nurse little Daniel. And now, Ben found himself alone with Hoss.

They had sat quietly for some time, both absorbed in their own thoughts. Ben looked at his son now and ached for him. Hoss was sitting on the settee, his elbows on his knees and his face buried in his hands.

“I know how you feel, son…”

Hoss’s head came up and he nodded. “Yessir… I reckon you do.”

A cry came from across the room. Ben started to rise and tend to his grandson, but paused when he saw his son cross the room and lift the baby out of the wooden crate that was being used as a make-shift cradle. Hoss shushed the child quietly.

“He’s hungry…” Hoss observed quietly.

Ben nodded, “Joe and Ellen shouldn’t have a problem finding someone… they’ll be here just as soon as they can…”

Hoss came back to resume his seat. He leaned back on the settee and looked at the infant in his arms.

“Wasn’t s’posed to be like this…” Hoss said quietly.

Suddenly, the big man slumped over and his shoulders heaved with heavy sobs. Ben moved quickly to sit next to him. He put a hand on his son’s back and let him cry. Ben attempted to swallow back his own tears, but it was no use. He had thought losing his wives had been the most difficult thing he’d ever gone through, but it was nothing compared to seeing his own child go through the same thing. He would have given anything to take Hoss’s hurt away.

Hoss’s sobs grew louder and were accompanied by the wails of his child. Ben’s heart broke and he wondered if the child cried from hunger or if somehow, he could sense the great loss his father was feeling.

The door opened and Joe walked in, followed by Ellen and a woman that was only vaguely familiar to Ben. Joe face took on an expression of nothing less that agony at the sight of his brother’s weeping and he lowered his head. Ben motioned for them to all wait outside.

When they were alone again, Ben turned to Hoss and gently pulled the baby from him. Daniel squirmed and wailed in his arms.

“Hoss, I really think you should go try to get some rest… We’ll take care of the baby…”

Hoss’s sobs ended almost as abruptly as they began. He wiped his eyes and nose on his sleeve and shook his head.

“Naw… I think I’d like to just go fer a walk…”

“But son… it’s pouring down rain…”

Ben was startled by the cold look Hoss gave him and decided not to press the issue.

“Alright…” he said in defeat.

Hoss crossed to him and looked at Daniel. Ben held his grandson more firmly and tried to comfort the screaming infant. He looked up and saw the pained expression on Hoss’s face.

“Go on… He’ll be alright after he’s eaten…”

Hoss nodded and turned to leave. Upon his exit, Joe entered, leading Ellen and the woman they had brought with them. Joe cast a worried look over his shoulder at Hoss then turned back to Ben.

“Pa…” Joe motioned to the woman who lingered apprehensively in the shadows of the room. “This is Sarah Jamison. She um… she’s…” Joe swallowed hard, his face souring.

“She’ll be able to help us with Daniel’s feeding.” Ellen finished for him.

Ben looked at the woman. He was not acquainted with her but had seen her often around town and in church. He seemed to remember hearing that her husband had a fairly successful little ranch a few miles northeast of Virginia City. Just a few weeks ago he had seen her with a baby – maybe six months of age. To his knowledge, the couple had no other children.

The woman stepped into the lamp light, and Ben could tell by her disheveled appearance that her home had not been spared from the Indian attacks. Her eyes fell to the infant he held, and tears coursed down her cheeks. Her reaction left little doubt in Ben’s mind as to the fate of her child.

“Mrs. Jamison… I know this must be difficult for you… If you’d rather not…” Ben frowned at his own inability to string more than a few gracious words together coherently.

She took a deep breath and looked up at him, her eyes red and swollen. “Don’t be silly… I’ll help anyway I can…”

She stepped forward and took the child from him and Ellen escorted her to the bedroom. A few minutes later, Daniel’s wailing had ceased. Ben sighed, feeling slight relief at this.

“How’s Hoss?” Joe asked quietly.

Ben shrugged and crossed to the window. He looked out into the raining black night, unable to see anything, let alone his large son.

“As well as can be expected, I suppose…”

The clock on the wall chimed. One hour till dawn. Ben ran a calloused hand over his stubbly chin and cheeks.

“We’d better grab something to eat and get saddled up and ready to ride…” Ben said.

Joe nodded. “Yeah…”

The two men stood there for several moments, neither particularly eager to leave or stay.

“I’m not all that hungry,” Joe said at last, “Why don’t you go down and sit with Johnny? I’ll saddle your horse and let you know when it’s time.”

Ben nodded his head and gave his middle son an appreciative pat on the back.

“Pa?”

Ben turned as he reached the door.

“Do you think it would be better if we just left without telling Hoss?”

Ben considered this. His large son had been through so much already tonight. It just didn’t seem fair to take him from the frying pan into the fire and make him go fight the battle that was sure to ensue within the next few hours. Finally, Ben nodded.

“He’s gonna be pretty mad,” Joe warned.

Ben nodded again. “I know…”

****

“Ruth, I’ve got to go!” Irritation edged the whisper of Adam’s voice as he tried to move past his wife.

The saloon was mostly dark, with only a few lamps glowing softly here and there. The soft sounds of slumber rose from everywhere in the large room.

“Adam, you are in no shape to go riding out of here to join that posse!”

The volume of her voice was rather loud and people who were drifting in and out of restless sleep stirred. Ruth apologized softly, her face taking on a deep shade of crimson.

“It’s not that bad,” he argued quietly, though the red-speckled bandage on his head belied him.

Ruth pursed her lips together. She’d had enough. Images of the last two days ran through her mind without the luxury of order – Johnny lying on the bed, covered in blood; Benny hiding behind a boulder as a barrage of bullets sprayed around him; her husband being carried into the saloon unconscious; Hoss’s face when he had come out to tell them Grace was gone… She threw down the handful of bandages she had been holding.

“Adam Cartwright, I am in no mood to deal with your stubbornness right now.”

She pressed a finger into his ribs. Not hard, but it was enough to do the trick. Adam doubled over in pain. “I said you are in no shape to go. Now LIE DOWN!”

She led him, gasping and groaning, to an empty cot. He fell into it, clutching his ribs. It took him some minutes to compose himself and Ruth felt a pang of guilt for her extreme tactics. She sat next to him and buried her face in her hands and sobbed. She could hear Adam readjusting his position on the cot and then felt his hand touch her arm gently.

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed, looking up at him, “I just can’t believe she’s gone.”

“I know…”

Ruth dabbed at her eyes with the hem of her apron, not that it did any good since a fresh stream of tears immediately followed.

“I just feel so badly for Hoss,” she said as she reached a hand out to smooth her husband’s hair, combing it with her fingers, in an effort to distract herself from her crying. Her absentminded grooming continued as she began to pick bits of lint from the black fabric of his shirt.

“There he goes…”

Her husband’s voice sounded calmly curious, and she looked up just in time to see Hoss passing the saloon window. He was drenched from the sheets of rain that blew across the street.

“What in heaven’s name is he doing out there?”

“I dunno,” Adam said, sitting up with great effort. “I think I’ll go check on him.”

Ruth opened her mouth to protest this but was silenced when her husband put a finger to her lips.

“I’m just going to go out and see if he’s alright… I hate for him to be alone right now.”

Ruth paused, unsure of the right thing. Finally, she nodded. She helped him to his feet and reached up to peek under the bandage on his head. It hadn’t bled anymore. He pulled her to him with one arm and she could tell by the way he held his breath that the motion brought excruciating pain. She closed her eyes and pressed out another flood of warm tears.

“I’ll be back,” Adam said, planting a kiss into her hair.

Ruth nodded and his arms lingered around her for another moment before he released her. He brushed past her, and she could hear his footsteps retreating toward the door. Taking a deep breath, she turned to the corner of the room and moved to check on Benny and Johnny.

In spite of her sorrow, she couldn’t help but smile at the sight of the boys. Johnny had apparently come out of his deep sleep long enough to shift his position. His wounded arm was still carefully bound to his chest, keeping it immobile. His good arm and one bare foot hung haphazardly over the edge of the cot. Underneath him, lying on a bedroll on the floor was Benny. His head was in close proximity to Johnny’s foot. Every now and again Johnny would flinch, jerking his foot slightly when a wisp of his brother’s curly black hair tickled it.

Ruth moved forward to carefully right Johnny’s position. The boy’s skin was very warm, and she worried inwardly about how to help him. Paul Martin was relying heavily on her to see to those people in most dire need of care until he could tend to them. Unfortunately, Johnny’s one gun-shot wound paled in importance to the injuries sustained by many others. Still, Paul took every opportunity to stop by and check on the boy, giving Ruth instructions and encouragement as often as he could.

“So, how is the bouncing baby boy?”

Ruth turned quickly to see Reverend Johnson yawning and rubbing at his eyes. With his dark minister’s clothing, she hadn’t seen him in the shadows.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you – I was just checking on the boys…”

He smiled, brushing off her concern. Ruth could feel him studying her and wished she could think of something pertinent to say.

“What’s wrong,” the minister finally asked. “The baby is alright?”

Ruth’s chin quivered despite her attempts to keep it from doing so. She nodded. “It’s Grace… she didn’t…” The words simply wouldn’t come.

The minister stood quickly and offered her his seat.

“I’m so sorry… How is Hoss doing?”

“Adam’s gone to check on him…”

The preacher pulled another chair alongside hers and the two sat in silence for a good long while.

“At least he still has his son…” The reverend’s voice, though soft, cut through the quiet of the room and startled Ruth. “I was married once…”

Ruth looked up suddenly at this. “I didn’t know that.”

The man nodded, looking at the twins in their slumber. “Hannah… She had the most beautiful black hair I’ve ever seen… Had two little boys – twins – These two remind me of them…”

“What… what happened?” Ruth hoped she wasn’t prying where she wasn’t invited with her question.

The minister bit his lip, “They died… There was a typhoid outbreak a few years back where we lived.”

“I’m sorry to hear that… How old where your boys?”

“Five.”

“Were you a minister at the time?”

Ruth could see the man shake his head in the dim light. He pulled his gaze from the children and turned to her, smiling weakly.

“No, I became a minister after that – this is my first parish…”

“You’ve only been here a short while…” She looked around the room apologetically. “Not much of a welcome for you, is it?”

“Those poor souls couldn’t choose their lot in life anymore than you or I.” He stood, stretching wearily. “If my own tragedies can help to lessen someone else’s grief, then I find hope in knowing it wasn’t all for naught. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d better go see how Mr. and Mrs. Hawthorn are holding up.”

Ruth nodded and he headed toward the door. “Reverend Johnson?” The man turned back to her. “I’ll be praying for you… Your services will be needed a great deal over the next several days and that can’t be easy, even for a minister.”

The man smiled at her. “Thank you. Those of us in the clergy spend hour upon hour on the giving end of prayers and very little on the receiving end.”

He turned again to leave, and Ruth was left to sit in silence in the dark room. She closed her eyes and made good on her promise to the preacher.

****

Ben stood on the boardwalk just outside the saloon, straining to see through the rain. He could just barely make out the shapes of his two oldest sons as they stood talking practically out in the middle of the street. The sounds of the rain and thunder made it impossible to hear what they were saying, but Ben had little doubt as to the topic of conversation. He worried about them standing out in the middle of the rain but was glad that Hoss didn’t seem to be rejecting his brother’s company. Finally, he pulled his attention away from them and turned to enter the saloon.

The quiet sounds of slumber were a welcome relief to the sounds of agony and mourning that filled the place hours ago. Ben made his way to the back corner of the room. Johnny seemed to be no different than he had been a few hours ago when he’d left him. He turned to see Ruth sitting behind him in a chair, snoring loudly.

“Pa?”

Ben turned looking for the source of the voice he knew belonged to Benny. He squinted in the dim light but couldn’t see him.

“Pa?”

Ben frowned curiously, following the sound under Johnny’s cot. Benny’s eyes were closed, though his head was raised from his bedroll.

“I knew those were yer boots…” the boy mumbled.

“It’s alright son, go back to sleep…”

Even as Ben said the words, he knew the boy would not obey. He was not surprised when, a moment later, his son crawled sleepily out from under his brother’s bed. Ben sat and opened his arms to accept the child. Benny staggered, sleepily and rather clumsily, toward his father.

“Johnny’s feet stink…” the boy murmured, crawling into Ben’s lap.

Ben was too tired to cipher the meaning of what was more than likely just his son talking jibberish in his sleep. Benny curled up in his father’s arms, pulling his knees to his chest. Ben shook his head at his son’s odd sleeping behaviors. It never ceased to amaze him how the boy could get into what looked to be the most uncomfortable of positions and fall sound asleep.

Ben looked at the boy as he slept. His feet were bare and his shirt was untucked with only one sleeve rolled up. The blisters on his face and neck from the sun had long since set in and Benny’s face glowed bright red. Surprisingly, the boy hadn’t complained much. Ben pressed his lips to the top of his son’s head and inhaled deeply. He just loved that smell. It smelled like – well, it smelled like a little boy who could do with a good scrubbing, but it was what the smell represented: the carefree life of a child – his child. Ben looked over at Johnny and frowned. This was certainly not a carefree life.

Try as he might to keep his thoughts from returning to his poor ill-fated daughter-in-law, he was unable to keep her face from appearing before his mind’s eye. His heart ached for his son. He knew what lay ahead for him – the undesired solitude of retreating each night to an empty bed, the painful reminders that tempered the celebration of a little boy’s birthdays, the fear of forgetting, but most of all the loneliness. The intense loneliness.

Ben wished fervently that he could make Hoss understand that there does come an end to the mourning – but he would have to choose it. So many people allowed their sorrow to harden into bitterness and missed out on the joys that could have risen from the ashes of their trials. A spark of hope emerged. If anyone could look at a moonless night and still find a bright side, it was Hoss. Surely, he would not succumb to bitterness. Surely not.

 

Chapter 17 – Dawn

“Hey Hoss, wait up,” Adam called over noise of the rainfall.

He wrapped an arm around his ribs and attempted to trot over to his brother, but soon found that to be a very unwise decision. He was relieved to see Hoss had stopped to let him catch up and he opted to slow his pace to as fast a walk as he could manage.

“Where are you going?” Adam probed, arching an inquisitive eyebrow.

Hoss sighed and Adam noted the irritation in his demeanor. “Nowhere in particular…”

Hoss started across the street and Adam followed him, squinting at the heavy drops of rain that fell like pebbles from the sky.

“Hoss, I’m sorry about Grace…” he said, finally catching up to his brother.

Hoss spun quickly on his heal to face him. He loomed as an intimidating presence over him, and Adam was surprised to feel his own heartbeat quicken in response.

“You’re sorry?” Hoss spat the words out. “Everybody’s sorry – sorry don’t bring’er back.”

“Calm down, Hoss, I was just trying…”

“Calm down? Let’s see you be calm when you lose yer wife on what should be one of the happiest days of yer life!”

Adam noticed Hoss’s lisp getting worse, the more worked up he got. He resisted the urge to argue with him, understanding that his large brother needed to vent. The only problem was venting could be downright dangerous when coming from a three-hundred-plus pound man.

A loud crack of thunder pierced the air and a there was a momentary, but brilliant, flash of light. Hoss turned to walk away.

“I’m going to get my horse.”

“You’re not seriously considering riding out there to meet that posse now, are you?”

Hoss stopped. When he turned, Adam found himself uncomfortably close to his large brother.

“Adam, why you gotta always act like you know what’s best fer everybody?”

“Maybe it’s because I do!” The retort was out before he could catch himself and Adam immediately regretted his words. His face softened and he reached out to put a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Look… I didn’t mean that… I just think…”

“You just think…” Hoss said evenly, “Do me a favor will ya and don’t think fer me. I know it’s hard fer a brainy feller like you to imagine, but I can manage that myself.”

Hoss turned and stormed off toward the livery stable. Adam watched him for a moment, unsure of what to do. At length, he followed after him. Whether Hoss wanted his company or not, he needed someone with him to make sure he didn’t do something in his anger he would soon regret.

Adam was a good ways behind him still when Hoss reached the livery stable doors. They opened and Joe emerged, leading two horses. Hoss nearly ran into them and gave Joe a clipped warning to stay out of his way then proceeded inside. Joe looked up, confused and Adam shook his head.

“He’s gonna have to let off some steam…”

Joe, obviously hurt by their brother’s remark, stood staring after Hoss.

“You and Pa getting ready to leave?” Adam asked, stalling to give Hoss a moment alone – hopefully to collect himself.

Joe nodded.

“Ruth wants me to stay…”

“Probably best that you do.”

Adam nodded, “I really hate to leave everyone high and dry…”

“Lucky for you, big brother, we’ve never felt lower and…”Joe looked up at the rain that pelted them and gave him a forced half-smile. “…We’re actually pretty wet right now…”

“Take care of yourself.” Adam stuck out his hand and Joe shook it firmly.

Joe looked apprehensively toward the livery stable. “You too.”

Joe left, headed in the direction of the saloon, and Adam entered the livery stable. Hoss was getting his horse saddled, throwing his tack around a little rougher than was absolutely necessary. The horse whinnied in response.

“Hoss… it’s okay to be upset…” Adam said quietly.

Hoss paused, his back still turned to his brother. Adam saw his shoulders soften and he hoped for a moment Hoss might become more rational. This was not to be, though. His brother turned quickly to him, his face red with defiance.

“Adam, why don’t you just leave me alone? I wish for once, you would just…”

Hoss was interrupted by a child’s screams. Both men froze, listening.

“That’s Benny,” Adam said and hurried out of the barn as fast as the pain that penetrated his chest would allow him.

The rain had begun to let up and a very dim light was beginning to settle over the town. Adam could see his father standing in front of the saloon holding a wailing Benny. Joe and Ruth were there, and they looked helplessly on. Adam frowned. It had been about a year since they’d had to deal with one of Benny’s emotional episodes. The boy’s screams got louder as Adam crossed the street.

“Don’t go! Don’t leave me!” The child clung to their father, a look of wild panic on his face.

“Benny… It’s alright son…” Ben attempted to pry the boy’s arms from around his neck. “Ruth… you’ll just have to take him…”

By the time Adam reached them, Ruth forcefully removed his youngest brother from their father’s arms. Benny kicked and screamed and Adam moved to help her.

“Don’t go! Pa!” Benny’s screams were half choked on his sobs. “Joe, please don’t go!”

Adam helped Ruth pin his arms and legs down and groaned inwardly at the pain it caused.

“Benny!”

All eyes turned, surprised to see Hoss standing behind them. He stood next to his horse and scowled down at the little boy.

“Hoss!” Benny cried and wriggled his way free from his brother and sister-in-law. “Please don’t go….”

Benny wrapped his arms around his big brother’s legs and pleaded with him to stay. His words were almost unintelligible because of his wailing.

“You listen here to me,” Hoss said, firmly grabbing the boy by the arm and leading him back to Ruth. “Yer gonna quit this carryin’ on, ya hear? You cain’t act like this just cause you don’t get yer way…”

“But Hoss!” Benny pleaded and turned back to grasp Hoss’s large hand with both of his tiny ones.

“Benny that’s enough!” Hoss quickly raised the back of his hand to the child.

“HOSS!” Ben yelled and Adam lunged toward their youngest brother, despite the pain that shot through his chest.

Benny winced, bracing himself for the blow he expected from the back of his brother’s hand. As Adam’s shadow rested over the boy, Hoss froze and a look of horror melted across his face. He turned loose of Benny as if he suddenly realized he was holding a hot branding iron.

Benny spun around and turned into Adam, crying in fright and betrayal.

“I hate you Hoss…” Benny’s words were unmistakable, though they were muffled slightly by his sobs.

Adam looked up quickly. Hoss didn’t reprimand the boy. He only nodded as his shoulders sagged. Quietly he turned and mounted his horse.

“Hoss…” their father called; his voice strained with emotion.

If the big man heard, he gave no indication. He simply rode away into the drizzling rain. The rest of the family stood and stared after him for several minutes with only the pitter-patter of rain drops and the whimpers of a child to break the uncomfortable silence.

“Pa,” Adam said as he pulled his brother close in an attempt to comfort. “You and Joe had better head out if you’re going to meet that posse…”

He’d never seen his father so torn. The older man hesitated, looking back and forth from one hurting son to the other.

“He’s right Pa…” Joe said softly.

“It’ll be alright,” Adam said, motioning with his head to Benny.

Finally, his father nodded and the two left quickly.

Adam felt as though he was reaching the limit of his tolerance for pain as his little brother buried his face into his stomach and cried softly. He grimaced at Ruth and she hurried to gather the boy into her arms. Adam fell to his knees, catching his breath and waiting for the pain to subside. Behind him, Benny soon quieted to the soft “shushing” of Ruth’s voice. She spoke tenderly to him and assured him his father and brothers would return soon.

When he felt he could stand, Adam got to his feet and turned to Ruth.

“I’ve gotta go after him…” he said as he looked down the street in the direction Hoss had left. “He’ll never forgive himself for that… I’ve gotta go talk to him…”

Ruth didn’t argue and for that Adam was relieved. He turned and headed back to the livery stable just as the rain began to cease. He wasn’t sure how he was going to manage to ride, but he’d have to find a way. He couldn’t leave his brother alone in his current state. He gritted his teeth against his pain and pressed on toward the livery stable. He could not let his family fall apart. Not now.

 

Chapter 18 – Will The Circle Be Unbroken?

Horse hooves beat almost in unison as the miles between them and the north pasture of the Ponderosa decreased. Ben could not decide which of his sons to worry about most. There was certainly something to be said for having small families – fewer children to fret over. And now he had a grandson to worry about. He thought about baby Daniel and his grieving father. In some ways it seemed like a lifetime ago since he’d been in that same situation and in other ways it seemed like only a heartbeat ago.

How well he could understand what Hoss was going through. The look in Hoss’s face when he’d grabbed Benny haunted him and he felt a pang of guilt at the familiarity of it. He knew what it was to grieve so deeply that the pain could only seem to manifest itself as pure anger…

****

Hoss rode to a wooded area just outside the east edge of town. As he dismounted, he saw a large rock to sit on. He moved toward it but tripped on a large fallen log. He stood up, as his anger boiled within him. He reached down and with a long, loud grunt, he took the log and pitched it as far as he could. He turned to the boulder he’d meant to rest on and pushed with all his might. Slowly it began to roll as he continued to push it over a ledge, and it fell with crackling echo. He stood there panting, his eyebrows lowered evenly.

“Feel better?”

Startled, he turned to see his older brother, hunched over in an attempt to support himself in his saddle. He thought about Adam’s question and he was ashamed to admit that he had felt better after his tantrum. Hoss sighed, lowering his eyes and feeling foolish.

“Don’t reckon I ought to be gettin’ onto Benny fer throwin’ a fit…”

He inhaled deeply and realized how exhausted he was. He was too tired to be angry anymore. Too tired to fight, too tired to grieve. Almost too tired to continue breathing. He looked up at Adam and could tell his brother was in pain.

“Want me to help ya down?”

Adam shook his head and leaned forward to attempt a dismount. Hoss rolled his eyes when Adam sucked in his breath sharply.

“Down right orn’ry…” he said as he moved to pull his brother gently from the saddle. “It’s a wonder how Ruth puts up with ya.”

Adam gave a soft laugh at this and nodded his head in agreement. Hoss found another log and helped his brother over to it. They both sat for a while before Hoss spoke again.

“I’m sorry…” Hoss said quietly.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Hoss looked down at the ground, “Got me a feeling Benny ain’t gonna be nearly as forgiving…”

“He’ll be alright.”

“How would you know?” Hoss’s voice was soft and bitter-sounding. He wished fervently that he could control the hurtful edge that had somehow crept into his voice over the last hour.

“He’s not the only little boy to ever survive the wrath of a grief-stricken Cartwright,” Adam said flatly, obviously unimpressed at Hoss’s self-pity.

Hoss frowned in confusion, unsure of what Adam was talking about. His brother must have seen his expression because he hurried on to explain.

“When you were a baby – A few months after your mother died…”

Hoss snuck a glance at Adam and could tell his brother was recalling a memory that had not been summoned for many a year.

“Well… what happened?”

“Pa had been out of his mind with grief,” Adam said simply. “I think Pa finally reached a point where he wondered if God was just dead set against him finding happiness, because he changed – practically overnight – into a completely different person… We had settled for the winter in a small farming town – we were living in the hotel. Pa started spending all night in the saloons, coming home drunk and angry…. Probably didn’t last more than a month or so, but to me it seemed like an eternity…”

Hoss couldn’t believe what he was hearing. That didn’t sound anything like their pa.

“One night you came down with a little bit of a fever and I’d tried everything to get you to quit crying… Pa came home late again that night and I guess you just figured he was about the only person in the whole world who could make you feel better.” Adam smiled slightly, “Brothers are great, but they’re nothing compared to your pa when you don’t feel well…”

Hoss nodded and Adam continued.

“Anyway, he tried to get you to calm down, but you apparently just wanted him to hold you while you cried. And that’s exactly what you did. You screamed and cried until it just about drove him out of his mind…. Finally, he yelled at you to stop crying and shook you pretty hard. Well, that scared me and I started crying. I grabbed you and pulled you away from him….”

Adam paused here and Hoss looked up at him. “Then what happened?”

He shrugged, “I don’t remember much else from that night, but the next morning Pa sat me down and asked forgiveness – said he was so busy focusing on the bad things in life that he’d nearly forgotten the good things that had come out of them. Pa eventually went back to being Pa and we never spoke of it again.”

Hoss leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I didn’t know none of that…”

“Hoss, you lost your temper, but Benny’s got a million other memories of you to remind him of how much you care about him.”

Hoss didn’t know how to respond to this and was glad when Adam continued on.

“You told me once you wished that you could be just like Pa. You said he’d been through so much and had come through the other side a stronger person… Well, don’t be too hard on yourself, because Pa didn’t react any differently than you.”

Hoss nodded. “We gotta take the bad along with the good… That’s what he’s always told us. The good with the bad, and the bad with the good.”

Hoss had heard the words all his life but now they seemed to have new meaning.

“I think that’s what Grace would want you to do too…”

Hoss swallowed back the lump in his throat and nodded again. “I reckon so…”

“There’s two sides to every coin. Grace is gone, but you do have a strong, healthy son…”

Hoss thought on this and his heart remembered the pride he’d felt when he first laid eyes on Daniel. He was a father now, and his son had not asked to be born under these circumstances. Hoss recalled the wonderful feeling of his son being cradled in his arms. He was so tiny and helpless. Helpless… Hoss thought on the word and stood quickly.

“Where are you going?”

Hoss turned back to his brother, “I’ve gotta get you back to town and get out there and help that posse…”

“What?”

Hoss paused, his eyes pleading with his brother to understand. “I won’t never be able to face my own son if I know I didn’t do everything to make his life as safe as possible. I gotta go, Adam.”

“Alright…” Adam hardly had the word out and Hoss was next to him, helping him up. “But I’m going with you…”

Hoss stopped and frowned. Was his brother crazy? “Adam… you cain’t think of goin’ out there in the shape yer in…”

“If it were you, could you lie around nursing your wounds while your father and brothers and friends were out there fighting – possibly dying – to make this a safer place for your family?”

He certainly had a point, Hoss thought. “I reckon not. Let’s get you on that horse.”

****

The thunderclouds had moved off to the east and the rising sun gave them a golden outline. They were nearly to the north pasture of the Ponderosa. It was a strange thing to dread going to his home. Nevertheless, Ben had a bad feeling their plan – though it was certainly their only option – was not entirely fool-proof and could very likely fail.

He’d had to push his thoughts of his sons and their various problems out of his mind so that he could concentrate on his most immediate task. But every now and then, visions pushed their way to the forefront of his mind. Visions of Johnny lying pale and motionless on a cot, of Benny wailing and feeling quite betrayed and Hoss with that look on his face – what was that look? Anger? Hatred? The words seemed almost foreign when applied to his large, big-hearted son. But that’s what it had been.

Ben looked at his surroundings and motioned to Joe to stop. Both horses slid to a stop in the muddy road. He looked around.

“We had told both posses that two of us would go to one side and two to the other…” he said.

“You think we should split up?”

Ben frowned, it wasn’t the most ideal of situations – not that anything over the last two days could be considered ideal. “I think so…”

Joe nodded. “I’ll take the west side, you take the east.”

Ben thought about this. The west edge was the furthest of the two positions. That would leave Joe riding out by himself for a good deal longer. He would have protested, but he knew what his son’s argument would be. He could ride much faster than Ben any day of the week. Of the two, Joe stood the best chance of reaching the west edge alive.

“Alright… You be careful – I’ve already got two sons flat on their back… I don’t need another.”

Joe nodded, “Yessir.”

“Good luck, son.”

“You too.”

With that, the two kicked their horses into a gallop and headed toward their respective destinations. Ben worried as the sounds of Joe’s horse grew quieter and quieter. Joe was quick and smart – and also hotheaded. He said a quick prayer for his middle son for wisdom and a level head, but ultimately had to simply commit him to the hands of the Almighty.

 

Chapter 19 – A Lesson In Pottery

Reverend Johnson left the hotel disturbed that he hadn’t yet been able to find the Hawthornes. He’d hoped to check in on them and see how they were holding up. He had, however, seen the new Cartwright baby and he was pleased to see the child looked strong and healthy. He was relieved to see Sarah Jamison helping to care for the infant. The poor woman had lost both her husband and her baby two days prior. She didn’t seem embittered toward the child, but rather seemed to take heart in knowing she could help another child live even though hers was not so fortunate.

Johnson turned the corner, wondering where to go next in search of the Hawthornes. Suddenly the screams of a child caught his attention. He ran to investigate. As he rounded another corner, he was nearly bowled over by two horses leaving town at full speed. He recognized the riders as two of the Cartwrights. He collected himself and proceeded toward the saloon, where the screams had come from.

As he neared, he could see Ruth Cartwright doing her best to hold on to Benny. He would be still in her arms and cry quietly for a moment and then squirm and scream. The minister frowned curiously. He’d only been here a short while, but he’d always known the youngest Cartwright boys to be very well-mannered – not given to tantrums. He hurried over to help Ruth.

“What’s the matter?”

Ruth looked up at him, and he thought she looked ready to burst into tears as well.

“His pa and brothers left…”

He nodded, understanding. He gave Ruth a comforting smile and gently pulled the boy from her. Benny’s crying grew louder.

“You go ahead and cry…” he said, patting the boy’s back and Benny broke loose with a piercing scream. “You’ve had a pretty rough go of it and I’m certainly not going to be the one to tell you that you ought not be upset.”

Slowly, Benny became exhausted from his crying and his sobs diminished into an occasional whimper. The pastor continued to talk softly to him. He looked up and saw Ruth staring at him bewildered. He smiled, almost finding amusement in the expression on her face.

“Reverend, how did you get him to…” she mumbled in amazement.

“Remember,” he said, winking, “I did have children once myself… And call me Timothy… I keep trying to tell everyone ‘Reverend’ sounds so formal for a non-Sunday.”

She continued to stare at him a little skeptically. “Well, Timothy… if you’re okay with him… I’ll go in and check on Johnny…”

He nodded, brushing off her concern. “I think we’re feeling much better,” he said giving Benny another pat on the back, “In fact, I might see if this little guy wants to help me check on some of my parishioners…. Would you like to do that? Hmm?”

Benny didn’t look up, but his head did nod slightly, and Johnson could feel a wet spot forming on his shoulder. He looked at Ruth and smiled.

“He’ll be okay…”

Ruth mumbled her thanks and hurried away.

Timothy sat down in a chair just outside of the saloon. He repositioned Benny so the boy was sitting crossways on his lap. The minister looked around at the empty walkways and vacant buildings. Virginia City looked like a ghost town. The rain had stopped, but water still stood in giant puddles in the streets.

“I don’t know about you, but I just hate thunderstorms…” Timothy said in a very casual voice. “They’re just loud and scary and… wet…”

He nearly laughed when Benny pulled away from him and regarded him with a skeptical look. The boy’s almost transparent blue eyes stood out as a stark contrast from the redness of his face. It was difficult to tell how much of the redness was from his hysteria moments before and how much of it was from the sun.

“What? A big guy like me can’t be afraid?” he asked with a wink.

Benny crinkled his nose in, what looked to Timothy, to be almost an attempt at a grin. The child was obviously not sure whether to take him seriously or not.

“Men ain’t ‘posed to be afraid…” he said, wiping his nose on his shirtsleeve.

Timothy grimaced and pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to the boy. Benny swiped ineffectively at his nose with it a few times and offered it back to the man. The minister looked apprehensively at it and told him to keep it.

“Benny, what say you and I go fetch some cool water for the women? They’ll need plenty of it to help all those people in the saloon.”

Benny nodded and slid from the preacher’s lap and the two headed off in the direction of the nearest water pump. Timothy held a bucket under the spout and cranked the pump.

“You the one who found me yesterd’y?”

He smiled, glad to know the boy remembered him. “Yes, I did.”

“Ya sang to me.”

Timothy frowned, trying to recall. “Yes… I probably did… I like to sing.”

“You sound like my Pa when ya do… real low like…”

He thought for a moment, by the sadness of the child’s voice, that Benny might burst into tears again, but he didn’t. He removed the full bucket from the spout. Replacing it with another, he began pumping again. As he did, he caught a glance at the boy from the corner of his eye. Benny was looking around, obviously in wonder at the strange emptiness that had settled over the town.

“You reckon this is just ‘bout the worst thing to ever happen?” There was a hint of trembling in his voice.

Timothy wasn’t entirely sure how to answer, but it didn’t matter since Benny continued on with another question.

“How come bad things gotta happen to good people? Don’t bad things never happen to bad people?”

Timothy stopped pumping and turned to sit on the edge of the trough. Sadness pricked his heart. How many times had he wondered that same question?

“Sometimes we’ve gotta go through bad things, Benny.”

“But why?”

He thought for a moment and looked around. In the window of the mercantile was a beautiful ceramic bowl and pitcher set. Its exquisite craftsmanship clearly made for a high dollar purchase. He pointed to it.

“See that bowl and pitcher in that window? It’s really pretty, isn’t it?”

Benny turned up his nose, “It’s girl stuff…”

Timothy smiled, nodding. “Yes, but it’s still very pretty… Well, it didn’t start out that way. It started as a glob of clay… then it was beaten to make it easy to form…. Then it was put into a fire to harden it. Then painted. Then fired again. And then someone took a very sharp tool and engraved a pretty design on it. And then they painted it and fired it again…”

“Lotta work just to make some old bowl and pitcher look purdy…”

He had to smile at the boy’s simple logic. “Yes, but the person who made it had it in mind that that bowl and pitcher set would be more special than all the others… But to make it more special, it had to go through a lot of difficult things… But it survived and came through it all more beautiful than ever.”

Benny frowned, looking back at him and he hurried to explain. “Sometimes it’s like that with people. God has a plan for all of us, but some of us he sets aside for a special purpose… but to prepare us, we have to go through some difficult things first…”

“Pa always says we get a lotta good things from God and we should be willin’ to take the bad along with it too…”

“Your father taught you well – do you know where he learned that?”

Benny shook his head.

“From the book of Job. Job was going through a pretty difficult time and his own wife told him he should just curse God and die, but Job said, ‘Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?’ And God was pleased with him because he didn’t sin by cursing God for the bad things that had happened to him…”

He watched as the boy seemed to mull this over. The child couldn’t have been more than six or seven – though he could certainly pass for a four- or five-year-old with his size – and Timothy wondered if it was too much for him to understand. Finally, Benny crossed his arms over his chest and looked up at him, very serious.

“I reckon yer a purdy smart fella… I ‘spect we’re right lucky to have you as the preacher.”

The minister grinned, ruffling the boy’s hair. “Well, I’m glad you approve! Let’s get this water inside.”

 

Chapter 20 – Silver Lining

Ben slowed his horse as he approached Roy Coffee. He looked around at the men who milled around, kept low and looked wet and exhausted. He dismounted and shook Roy’s hand firmly.

“Got yer message, Ben,” Roy said, motioning to a few logs that had been brought over to allow the men a somewhat dry place to sit. “I’m afraid we’re up against a good deal more than we figgered…”

Ben sat with a heavy sigh. “How bad is it?”

Roy looked up at him, his eyes squinted against the brilliant morning sun that shimmered between the trees. “With the posse from Reno…. It almost brings us to almost half… Ben I don’t know where all these Indians came from. They’re outcasts – no tribe wants to claim any of’em…”

Ben frowned. “Is there nothing else the Army can do to help us?”

Roy shook his head. “They could only spare a handful… They’re over’t the other side with the Reno bunch… Said they hoped to send a small regiment, but we haven’t seen hide nor hair of’em yet.”

“Well,” Ben said as he rested his elbows on his knees, “At least we have the advantage of being above them – and somewhat surrounding them.”

His friend nodded, but Ben knew Roy had his doubts.

“How’s everything back in town?”

The sudden subject change caught Ben off-guard. He hesitated a moment before answering.

“The saloon’s full of injured people… including Johnny and Adam…”

“Heard ‘bout Johnny… Ben I’m real sorry… but what happened to Adam?”

Ben shrugged off his friend’s concern, too tired to explain. “He’ll be alright, had an accident on the ride in from Reno…”

A few moments of silence fell between the two and Ben rubbed at his eyes, hoping to relieve them of their sleepiness.

“Heard they found Benny… We were all real relieved to hear that.”

Ben looked up at this and frowned. “Found Benny…” he repeated.

“Oh, then you don’t know… Benny got separated somehow from Ruth as she’as bringin’ him and Johnny into town… he spent most of yesterd’y wanderin’ around these hills… Preacher found him passed out ‘bout a mile from here…”

Well, that explained the sunburn, Ben thought. He took a deep breath, trying to suppress the anger and frustration that was welling up within him. A man ought to be able to protect his family better than this, not have his sons scattered here and there and left in the hands of fate.

“No… I hadn’t heard… It’s been a long and rough night… Grace had her baby…”

“Oh?” Roy smiled at this, but sobered when Ben shook his head and frowned.

He explained the details of the previous night with great effort. He paused several times to swallow a rising lump in his throat. He was almost relieved – if it could be considered relief at all – when one of the men interrupted them.

“Roy, we just got the signal from the other posse… It’s time to move in.”

“Alright boys, you heard’im…” Roy stood, checking to see that his side arm was fully loaded. “Remember, we’re doin’ this all legal – I know what they done, but I won’t stand for no lynchings.”

****

Sunlight filtered through the shear curtains of the hotel suite, announcing that a new day was well underway. Ellen stood at the sound of baby Daniel’s cry. She crossed the sitting room and rubbed the back of her stiff neck. She reached down into the make-shift cradle and took the baby in her arms. As she circled the room, bouncing the infant gently, she sang softly. Soon, he quieted, and she looked at him. She hadn’t yet been able to decide which of his parents he looked more like. At the moment he looked most like Grace. She blinked hard several times and her eyes still burned from crying all night.

“You got a pretty voice…”

Sarah Jamison’s voice startled Ellen and her humming stopped abruptly. She turned to her.

“Thank you…” Ellen felt her face redden and she was glad when the other woman looked away and moved to sit on the settee.

“He’s a beautiful baby,” Mrs. Jamison said, and added quieter, “I’m sorry to hear about his Ma…”

Ellen nodded and sat in a rocking chair opposite the woman. She looked down at Daniel and noted that he was already asleep again. She leaned back and worked the rocker back and forth slowly.

“She’s a very special woman… was a special woman…” A feeling of sadness came over Ellen that was so overwhelming she felt she might be sick.

“It don’t seem quite right to speak of’em as if they’re already in the past, does it?”

Ellen looked up to see the woman’s eyes filled with tears. “Mrs. Jamison, I was so sorry to hear about your husband and your baby…”

Mrs. Jamison offered her a forced, but appreciative smile. “I ‘spect I’ll just have to pick myself up and keep breathin’…”

Several moments of silence descended upon the two as each woman became absorbed in her own thoughts. Ellen wondered about the lady sitting across from her. She couldn’t be much older than herself. She was thin but very pretty. She was not a picture of grace and poise by any means, but she had a simple and easy charm about her. This woman, if she agreed to continue nursing the child, would be spending a good deal of time with the Cartwright family. From what she’d seen, Ellen surmised, Mrs. Jamison’s character to be gentle and honest. She felt confident the woman’s presence would not in any way be intrusive during the family’s time of mourning.

“Feels like it should all be just a dream, don’t it?”

Ellen watched as Mrs. Jamison wiped at her tears with her apron. She felt ashamed for her earlier concerns of this woman intruding on her fiance’s family as they grieved. Sarah Jamison had not only lost her husband, but also her child. She had no other family within several hundred miles. She was alone.

“What was your husband’s name?” The question was out of her mouth before she had time to decide if it was an appropriate thing to ask.

“Zeke,” she said simply and drew a long breath. “And we had the prettiest little girl you ever saw… Adeline….”

Ellen smiled sympathetically at her. “That’s a beautiful name.”

The woman nodded with only a slight smile that looked almost peaceful. “Her Pa was plumb crazy over her.”

Ellen studied Mrs. Jamison. She was obviously grieving, but she seemed determined to accept her lot with dignity and peace.

“What will you…” Ellen paused, wondering if she was treading where she might not be welcome. “What will you do now?”

Mrs. Jamison sighed wearily and shrugged. “I don’t rightly know…I ‘spect Mr. Cartwright’ll be needin’ my help fer a bit…. Little fella’s gotta eat…”

“The Cartwrights are very good people – they’ll see that you are taken care of.”

A look of confusion came over Mrs. Jamison’s face. “But why should they do that?”

“Well, because… You’d be… I mean you’d need…” Ellen stammered, unsure of how to delicately explain that life in the West could be difficult for a widow with no means of support.

“There’s no need for them to ‘take care’ of me,” Mrs. Jamison said, squaring her shoulders.

“But, Mrs. Jamison,” Ellen began, a little dumbfounded at woman’s inability to understand. “They will likely need your help with Daniel for a good long while… They wouldn’t dream of asking you to agree to such an arrangement without some sort of… compensation… especially with you having no one to…”

Ellen caught herself quickly. She stood and paced the room nervously. Daniel stirred, voicing his opinion loudly at having his slumber disturbed. She turned quickly and nearly ran right into Mrs. Jamison, who had crossed the room to her. The woman took the baby from her and softly cooed him back to sleep. Ellen stood there for several moments feeling rather awkward and useless.

“I don’t expect or want nothing in return for helpin’ with this young’un…” She looked up at Ellen. “If it were me that died…. I’d sure not want someone to be lookin’ to make money off carin’ fer my little Adeline… Besides, I don’t need no one to support me.”

The woman’s tone was not proud, but it was reassuring.

“Zeke done good with our ranch – We weren’t rich by no means, but we have what we need.”

Ellen’s face reddened. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to insinuate that I thought you were poor…”

“Never thought you did.”

Ellen was relieved to see the woman smile warmly at her. There was certainly more to Sarah Jamison than could be seen at first glance. Ellen returned her smile, finding herself oddly thankful for the circumstances that had brought them together.

****

Ruth checked Johnny’s bandages and was satisfied to find his wound had not bled anymore. She felt his arms and forehead. If she wasn’t mistaken, his fever seemed to be coming down. With the exception of the fit he’d thrown the day prior as a result of his delirium, the boy had been asleep for nearly a day and a half.

She looked at the pile of clothes at the foot of his bed. She picked up Johnny’s shirt and socks and folded them neatly, grateful to have something to busy her hands with. She looked around the room. A few patients were beginning to stir, and women were already hurrying around the room to tend to this need or that.

“Well, good morning,” she said as she looked down to see two glassy brown eyes staring up at her. “You’ve certainly had us worried young man…”

Johnny blinked several times but didn’t respond. She sat next to him and reached out a hand to smooth his raven curls.

“How do you feel, Johnny?”

The boy lay still for several seconds and only stared at her blankly. “Where’s Pa?” he asked finally.

“He and your brothers will be back very soon. Don’t worry.” Ruth hoped her smile appeared genuinely calm and confident, even if she was inwardly a little doubtful. “And he will be so happy to know that you’re finally awake. You’ve had us all a little worried, young man.”

This answer seemed to satisfy him as he moved on to the next order of business. “I’m hungry…”

“I’m very glad to hear that,” Ruth said, laying his shirt and socks aside. “I saw Hop Sing around here earlier and he told me he was going to see what he could do to come up with some breakfast for everyone.”

“Flapjacks?” The boy’s voice was weak, but hopeful.

Ruth gave him a wink. “I wouldn’t put it past him.”

“Ruth!”

It was a child’s voice that pierced the quietness of the room and caused several sleeping patients to stir. Ruth turned to see Benny coming toward her with a broad grin on his face. She was relieved to see him in a better temperament than she’d left him in. Following him was Reverend Johnson who held a bucket of water in each hand. She waved at him and bent down to pick Benny up.

“Hey Johnny, yer awake,” Benny observed, looking down at his brother.

“Yes, he’s awake,” Ruth said, a hint of warning in her voice, “But he still needs lots of rest, so we shouldn’t bother him too much.”

“Okay…” Benny said, disappointed.

“Here’s some fresh water, where should I put it?”

“Oh thanks, just put it over here…”

She clasped her hands under Benny’s backside to better support him and crossed the room to the bar. The minister set the buckets on the counter and turned back to Benny.

“Well, are you ready to get to work Benny?”

Benny turned in Ruth’s arms and nodded his head excitedly.

“I’m gonna help mister today,” he explained to her, and Ruth frowned, confused.

“Minister… you’re going to help minister…” the reverend corrected.

“Oh yeah…” Benny said, “Anyway, that’s what I’m gonna do.”

Ruth smiled and put the boy back on the ground. “Well, Reverends Johnson and Cartwright… I won’t keep you from your very important work of mistering to our patients.”

Benny smiled, looking around the room at his “parishioners” and Ruth took the opportunity of his distraction to point in the direction of the hotel. “I’m going to go check on Ellen and our newest little one… if he gets underfoot too much, just let me know.”

The Reverend smiled kindly. “No need to worry about that. I could use the help and the company.”

Ruth smiled and nodded, “Okay then. I’m going to ask Mrs. Hoffman if she can sit with Johnny while I go over to the hotel…Um…” She paused when her voice quivered slightly and she looked sadly at Benny. “We haven’t told him yet…”

The very thought of having to tell the poor child about Grace’s death made her stomach sour. There hadn’t been an opportunity to tell him right after it had happened. Then he’d had the episode in the street when Ben and Joe had left… And then Hoss had nearly scared him out of his mind… It just hadn’t seemed fair to tell him after all that had already happened. Surely there wouldn’t be any harm in waiting just a little while longer – at least until Adam returned from talking with Hoss.

Timothy gave her an understanding smile. “That’s certainly understandable, but… well… my father used to tell me that bad news – much like manure – doesn’t get better with age…”

Chapter 21 – Benny “Misters”

Benny stood timidly next to Reverend Johnson as the minister read to a group of old miners from the book of Psalms. He looked at the men, feeling sorry for them. They were covered in bloody bandages and looked as though they could hardly afford the effort to turn their heads to look at the pastor as he read.

“Reverend Johnson!”

Benny turned suddenly to see a woman running toward them frantically. Timothy stood, marking his place in the Bible with his index finger.

“It’s the Pemberly boy…” she said, dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief. “Doc says there’s nothing more he can do… They asked me to come fetch you.”

“Yes, of course…” Timothy said then turned reluctantly to Benny. “Benny… I’m afraid I need to go for just a little while.”

Fear pricked Benny stomach as he looked around the saloon and saw few people he recognized. “But… I wanna go with you…”

The minister sighed. “I know you do, but…. Hey listen,” Timothy said, perking up. “You wanted to be my helper today, right?”

Benny nodded, although not entirely sure he wanted to help anymore. All morning they had just walked around talking with people and reading to them. He’d thought ministering would be a lot more fun.

“I’ll bet you can read pretty good,” the reverend said, sizing him up.

Benny looked up at this, nodding proudly.

“Well, how’s about you read to these gentlemen for me while I’m gone?”

The preacher handed him the Bible and Benny accepted it. Before he could object, the minister was patting him on the back telling him what a great help he would be. He watched as his new friend hurriedly left the saloon. He turned with wide, apprehensive eyes to the group of miners, feeling quite alone and scared. He felt his chin quiver just a bit.

“Well go on… read…” one of the old men prompted, a little impatient.

Benny looked at the book he held. There were a lot of words on the page. His eyes found a large number “23” on the page. He sat and began reading quietly and nervously.

“The…Lord…is… my… sh-sh…” he traced his finger under each letter of the word as he sounded it out. “shep…herd…shepherd. I sh-all… not… want. He m-make-eth me…”

“Them’s funeral words!” one old man spat out, then hissed in pain as he clutched his abdomen. “We ain’t dead yet, boy, read somethin’ else.”

“Let the little feller alone,” another man argued, “That be the onliest part’o that book I know… I’d like ta’ hear it.”

“Quit yer jawin,” another said, “It’s a wonder either of ya know nuthin atall ‘bout the Good Book… Heathenest old coots I ever did meet – the whole lot’a ya!”

The men argued thus back and forth, leaving Benny more than a little addled. For old men who had just been shot and left for dead in the middle of the Washoe mining camps, they certainly were uppity.

“Alright, alright!” another shouted, who had been lying in the corner quietly throughout the argument. “That’ll be enough from all’a ya. Let’im read. Go one boy, yer doin’ right good.”

At this, the commotion from the men ceased and all eyes turned to Benny. He swallowed hard and felt his palms go sweaty. He sat there staring at them, unsure of what to do.

“Well go on,” the man in the corner said with a wink, “I believe the next part is, ‘He maketh me to lie down in green pastures’ – ain’t that right?”

Benny looked at the book, taking a moment to find his place. Finally, he nodded. He took a deep breath and continued. “He l-lead-eth me be-s-ide still waters.”

“Ya know,” one of the men piped up again, interrupting him. “I never did knowed why they always read that’un at funerals…”

“Cuz, God told’em to, that’s why, now hush up you old…”

“Who’re you callin’ old?”

Benny looked back up just as the old men went back to arguing again, this time over verses and funerals and who would be having that verse read at his own funeral first. It wasn’t long before the man in the corner spoke up again, effectively ending their tirade. He didn’t know who the man in the corner was, but Benny surmised it was obviously someone they all listened to.

“Listen here, the boy’s tryin’ to do a nice thing, an’ ya’ll cain’t keep quiet long ‘nough to let’im…” The man in the corner nodded to Benny. “Since we’re stopped though…” the old man scratched his head, smiling shyly, “I wondered if ya might explain some of that what ya’ just read…”

“Explain it?” Benny asked, frowning in confusion.

“Yeah,” another spoke up, “Why in blazes does he say, ‘you make-eth me to lie down’? What in Sam Hill good does that do a body? Seems ta’ me that God would be a heap more useful if he’d ‘make-eth me’ to stand up on these ol’ twisted legs.”

Another miner laughed at this and added, “Or to maketh me to find a purdy good silver vein!”

The men burst into laughter, and moans of pain and discomfort immediately followed their jollity as each nursed his own wounds. Benny looked again at the words on the page, thinking.

“I reckon it’s kinda like horses…” he began quietly, and the men listened, intrigued. “My brother Joe told me once… when a horse lays down it means he feels purdy safe… he don’t lay down ‘less there’s another horse keepin’ look out… or less he knows nuthin’s gonna happen to’im…”

The men looked at Benny intently and he paused, wondering if he’d said something wrong.

“Go on…” they prompted.

Benny took a deep breath. “Well… just seems to me like sheep cain’t be all that differn’t… If God’s lookin’ at all’a us like we’re his pets… he wants us to feel pretty safe I reckon… so safe we feel like we can lay down and take us a rest without worryin’ what’s out there…”

Several “harrumphs” were heard in the group and Benny frowned in discouragement.

“Safe?” One of the men spat the word out in disgust as he looked around the room at the other patients. “Is this what He calls ‘safe’?”

Benny looked down, shrugging. He didn’t know what to tell the man. He remembered his conversation with the reverend earlier that morning.

“Well… my Pa says that we gotta be able to take the bad from God just like we take the good from’im… Sometimes a happy endin’ don’t make no sense ‘less ya have all’a the bad stuff before it.”

The men mumbled at this. “Read somethin’ else… never did like funerals no how… down right dee-pressin’.”

“You gotta favorite story in thet book, boy?” the man in the corner asked.

Benny bit his lip and nodded slowly. “I like the story of Joseph…”

“Aint’ thet the boy that done got his brothers mad at’im and lost the new coat his pappy bought fer’im?”

Benny raised an inquisitive eyebrow at the man. “Well… sorta…”

He flipped to the beginning of the Bible. Seeing several pages torn out of the book, his shoulder sagged in defeat.

“There’s a bunch’a pages missin’…”

“Well, if it’s yer favorite, you ought’ta know it well ‘nough to tell us ‘bout it…”

Benny thought on this a moment. The man was right, he knew the story practically by heart.

“Well, see… Once there was this man, Jacob…”

“I thought you said this was the story of Joseph!”

Benny stood up quickly, putting his hands on his hips and scowling impatiently. “You wanna hear this story or not?”

The men stared at him for a moment in surprise then murmured their apologies. Benny sat, satisfied that there would be no more interruptions.

“We gotta start the story before Joseph,” he explained. “Now where was I? Oh yeah… So there was this man, Jacob, and he had him twelve sons…”

 

Chapter 22 – The Battle

“What are you stopping for?” Adam asked, irritated. He clutched his ribs with one hand and his reins with the other.

“Adam, you just cain’t go no further in this condition,” Hoss said, turning around and drawing his horse up next to his brother’s.

“I’m okay…” Adam said, but both men knew the statement was ridiculous.

“Adam…” Hoss said, frowning at his older brother’s stubbornness. “It ain’t just them ribs that I’m worried about… you still got a purdy good crack on yer head too…”

Hoss was just about to dismount and pull Adam from his horse for his own good, when his brother looked up at him with a pleading expression he’d never before in those hazel eyes.

“Hoss, I’ll be okay… I think… If you can just help me get these bandages around my ribs a little tighter, I think I’ll be okay.”

Hoss scowled, knowing he wouldn’t win this. Finally, he nodded. “A’right, let’s get’cha down.”

After Adam had been carefully pulled from the horse and the bandages tightened, Hoss helped him back into the saddle.

“Adam, are you sure yer…”

“Shh!” Adam interrupted and froze, listening. “Do you hear that?”

Hoss listened carefully. Was that a bugle? He turned as he attempted to gauge which direction it came from.

“Wait there, lemme go up and check…” Hoss said and turned to climb up to a nearby ridge.

When he reached the top of the ridge, he could see hundreds of blue specks marching toward them, in neat ranks and files from the West.

“Adam!” Hoss turned around and shouted down to his brother. “It’s the Army!”

He nearly tripped a few times in his attempt to hurry down from the ridge.

“Y’know, Adam, if we went down there and met’em – we could lead’em across Snake Crik and I bet we could meet up with those posses in an hour – maybe less…”

Hoss stood next to his brother’s horse, looking up at him and squinting against the late morning sun. Adam did seem to be in slightly less pain now that his bandages had been tightened, but whether he was well enough to travel or not was rather less clear.

“Well, then what are we waiting for?” Adam must have read the skepticism on his face because he offered him a grin. “You don’t think I’d let you go ridin’ in there and takin’ all the credit for saving the day without me, do you?”

Hoss managed a slight smile at this and nodded, clapping his brother’s leg before turning to mount his horse.

“Ready?”

Adam nodded, obviously bracing himself against the pain he knew was about to come. “Ready or not…”

****

The sun was lazily working its way away from the eastern horizon as though the chaos taking place below it were of little concern. The two posses had charged the valley below as planned, successfully pulling off their surprise attack on the renegade Indians. Gunshots rang out and arrows seared the air as the posse slowly moved the band back toward a box canyon. Unfortunately, they found out just a little too late that the raiding party had split. Their gunfire drew the other half of the band of Indians, who were camped about a mile away, up behind them. Before they knew it, the posses found themselves caught in a cross-fire with nowhere to turn.

“Ben!” Roy called as he peeked over a rock just long enough to fire his pistol and then ducked behind it again. “Ain’t there a dry riverbed just over there?”

Ben fired ahead and then turned to fire behind him. He ducked, wedging himself between two large boulders. “Yeah, Roy,” he yelled, not certain he could be heard over the gunfire. “But they got us pinned down. If we tried to move, it’d be like a turkey shoot for them…”

Both men abandoned attempts at conversational strategizing as they each concentrated on their aim. After several minutes, Ben hunkered behind the boulders to reload his rifle and pistol. He would be running out of ammunition soon. He glanced around him quickly. No one seemed to be fairing any better. He saw a flash of green from the corner of his eye and he turned to see Joe about twenty feet away, lying flat on his back.

“Joe!”

Ben tried to stand, but Roy yanked him back down behind the boulders.

“Joseph!” he called again and suddenly Ben became oblivious to the war being waged around them.

He watched his son, hoping even at such a long distance to catch a glimpse of the rise and fall of his chest. At last, he jerked free from Roy’s grip and half crawled – half ran over to Joe.

“Joe…” Ben said, and several arrows soared past him. He bent over, shielding his son’s body until the barrage past. “Joe… Are you alright?”

He touched a stream of blood on Joe’s forehead. He’d only been grazed, but it had been enough to knock him out temporarily. His son stirred and Ben pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket, pressing it to Joe’s head.

“Pa… where’s my gun?” Joe asked. His eyes were open, but he was clearly a little disoriented.

“It’s still in your hand son…”

Before Ben could say anything further, Joe was sitting up.

“Joe, stay down…”

A strange sound interrupted him – like screaming – and both men froze, listening. The gunfire ceased and the posse members looked curiously at one another. The screaming grew louder. It was the Indians – whooping and hollering – in front and in back of them.

Suddenly, they were being charged from both sides. Ben felt his heart leap up into his throat as swarms of Indians came toward them. They were getting closer and closer every moment. Thirty feet… Twenty feet… Ten feet…

 

Chapter 23 – Matchmaker

Ruth knocked quietly on the door to the hotel suite, hoping the noise might not wake her nephew. She heard soft footsteps on lush carpet and then the door opened. Ellen looked beyond tired, but managed a smile and motioned her to come in.

“How is the baby?” Ruth asked, entering the suite. A shiver went through her as she glanced toward the closed bedroom where her sister-in-law had died several hours before.

“He’s doing just fine,” Ellen said, motioning Ruth to the settee. “Sarah has been an absolute blessing.”

Ruth thought for a moment trying to put a face with the name. “Sarah… Jamison?” she asked, wondering if she recalled the name correctly.

Ellen nodded. “She’s in the next room feeding the baby.”

The two sat in silence for some time before Ruth spoke again.

“I can’t believe Grace is gone…” Ruth mumbled numbly. It was several moments before she could continue. “You know… she was my very first friend here in Virginia City…”

“Joe told me she introduced you and Adam,” Ellen said.

Ruth nodded in affirmation and a smiled played on her lips. “I hated him from the moment she pointed him out to me across the dance floor at the box social.”

Ruth stared at the carpet but could see Ellen’s form from the corner of her eye and could tell she found this humorous.

“After a short introduction I decided he had a few more dollars than he had sense and pronounced him a rich, arrogant pretty-boy who would never be graced again by my presence…” Ruth rolled her eyes in amusement at her own idiocy. “But Grace determined that we were perfect for one another, and she was bound to see us together one way or another… or at the very least, drive Hoss mad trying…”

 

“Ruth, do you see him? Over there…” Grace giggled, pointing across the room.

Ruth stretched her neck, looking at the dark figure standing amid a group of chattering, flirtatious women. She raised an unamused eyebrow and looked at her friend.

“He appears to be taken care of in the way of feminine company for the evening…” she said curtly.

“Oh Ruth,” Grace said exasperated, “Don’t be silly, he didn’t invite any of those girls… One thing you’ll learn fast – in this town a Cartwright seems to be a rare find… a diamond in the rough… and no young eligible young female is going to be satisfied with the idea of living without one as long as there’s a fleeting glimmer of hope.”

Ruth looked at Grace coolly. “And only a lucky few are blessed to earn their affection in return…”

Grace grinned.

“Honestly Grace, you’re like a little school girl!”

Grace giggled, effectively making it impossible for Ruth to hide her own smile. “I’m sorry, I just can’t help myself – I feel like the luckiest woman in the whole world!”

“So, when are you two going to announce your little secret?” Ruth asked, looking around to be sure there were no gossip-hungry ears nearby.

Grace shrugged, looking down sheepishly at her stomach. “Oh, I don’t know… I guess we just sort of wanted to keep it to ourselves just for a little while…”

Ruth studied the other woman’s face. She hadn’t known Grace for very long, but she already knew her well enough to detect the very slight blush in her cheeks.

“You’re due sometime in July or August, right?”

“Shh!” Grace’s eyes widened in horror and Ruth lowered her voice.

“All I’m saying is that… well, people can do simple math! You two just got married at the beginning of October. No one in their right mind would dare to question your integrity like that!”

“Oh, I know, but…” Grace shrugged.

Ruth sighed at her friend’s needless worry. “By the way… where is your diamond in the rough anyway?”

“Oh, he’s getting us some punch… I’ve been trying to talk him into letting me dance tonight… It was all I could do to get him to agree to bring me at all tonight.”

“Hi, Miss Ruth, how are you this evenin’?”

Ruth turned to see Hoss offering Grace and herself the two glasses of punch he’d retrieved. She shook her head, declining the offer for refreshment.

“I’m just fine… Your blushing bride told me I might be able to meet some people if I came this evening… Although I must say, my mother would roll over in her grave if she knew I were attending a social without a proper escort!”

Hoss laughed, downing his punch in one gulp. “Well, Miss Ruth, we don’t exactly stand on formalities way out here…”

“ – And it will be a good way for you to meet people, Ruth,” Grace assured her.

Ruth didn’t miss the wink Grace gave to her husband. Hoss followed his wife’s slight nod and looked over to his brother.

“Oh right…” he said, not-so-subtly reading Grace’s signals. “Um… Miss Ruth, you haven’t met my family yet, have ya?”

Ruth took a deep breath, glaring at Grace, who only smiled innocently at her. Before she could answer, Hoss had flagged his father and brothers down. She noted with a bit of annoyance how loudly the women hovering around the dark-haired man voiced their disappointment when he dismissed himself to come over. She couldn’t deny that he had a rugged handsomeness about him in his pressed white shirt with sleeves rolled up a few times, showing his sun-kissed forearms. She was startled when his eyes met and held hers and she quickly looked away. A moment later, he and the rest of the Cartwright clan were approaching from various parts of the room. One was a young man, with brown curly and beautiful green eyes. Another was a gray-haired gentleman. Two identical little boys clung to either of the man’s hands, both looking adorable in clean white shirts and ribbon neck- ties.

“Miss Ruth, this is my family…” Hoss said as he motioned to the older man, “This here’s my Pa, and them two little’uns are my youngest brothers, Benny and Johnny…”

The older man nodded to her and smiled, “I’m Ben Cartwright. It’s very nice to meet you, Grace has told us so much about you. Boys, can you say hello to Miss Ruth?”

The boys, suddenly shy and trying to hide behind their father’s legs, mumbled their hellos. Ruth smiled, returning their greeting.

“These are my other brothers,” Hoss said motioning to the men standing at his side, “Little Joe and Adam… This here is Miss Ruth Wilson.”

Ruth nodded to each and noted the piercing hazel eyes of the dark-haired man. What had Hoss said his name was? Adam? She blushed, under his gaze and felt herself growing irritated at her own foolishness. This man had plenty of women to entertain him for the evening. She would not allow him to think for one second that she would follow after him as those other ridiculous women did.

“Ruth?” Adam echoed softly and she thought she saw a hint of sadness in his eyes – as though an unbidden memory had come to momentarily lurk about his heart. The look was gone just as quickly as it had come, making her wonder if she’d only imagined it in the first place. “…Lovely name.”

“Thank you,” she mumbled, trying not to look at him too long, lest he interpret it as interest on her part. “You have a large family… how do you ever keep up with each other?”

The men smiled and Ben spoke up, “Well, it does prove to be a bit challenging some of the time, but we do pretty well.”

One of the little boys, she wasn’t sure which, tugged on his father’s sleeve. Ben bent down and the boy whispered in his ear. The older man nodded, patting the boy on the head.

“If you’ll excuse me, Miss Wilson,” Ben said, politely, “I promised the boys I would enter the horseshoe tournament with them…”

Ruth smiled, “Well you’d better hurry then. They were setting the tournament up just out near the bonfire when I came in. It looked like they were about to begin.”

Ben nodded and led the two boys away. Just before they vanished into the crowd, one of the boys turned back – she wasn’t sure which – and gave her a grin and a wave. She smiled and waved back.

“Well, Hoss, I think it’s time we danced,” Grace said abruptly, tugging on Hoss’s arm.

“But… Grace…” Hoss protested, but Grace ignored him.

“And Joe…” she nodded rather obviously toward Ruth and Adam, who had suddenly found themselves standing next to one another. “I think you need to go away – I mean… um… go dance… with… um …” Grace quickly scanned the crowd and pointed to a young lady who seemed afflicted with a rather shrill case of the giggles. “Her.”

Before Joe could respond, Grace waved her over. Ruth didn’t miss the rather sour look on Joe’s face as he silently pleaded with his sister-in-law. In the end, the matchmaker won out and she turned to Adam.

“Adam, I’m sure you wouldn’t mind taking a turn about the room with Ruth while we dance – introduce her to the neighbors and such… or maybe you two could dance! Ruth, Adam is such a great dancer!”

Ruth felt her face grow hot. Whether it was from embarrassment or anger, she wasn’t exactly sure. She opened her mouth to object, but before she could speak Grace had turned and was already pulling a completely confused Hoss onto the dance floor. Ruth turned to look at Adam, fairly certain her face reflected her misery. She was surprised and a little irritated to see that he seemed no happier with the arrangement than she was. Nevertheless, he forced a smile.

“Lady’s choice.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Meet your new neighbors,” he said, motioning to the crowds mingling around the outskirts of the room, “…or dance.”

“Mr. Cartwright,” Ruth said, pursing her lips and crossing her arms, “please do not feel in any way obligated to do either. You may feel free to return to your… lady-friends… as soon as you wish. I’m perfectly fine on my own.”

Adam raised an eyebrow at this and looked back at the women who had just been monopolizing his attention. He looked back at her, crossing his own arms to match her stance. The two stood there regarding one another for a moment and Ruth became increasingly uncomfortable under his gaze. She dropped her arms and attempted to square her shoulders.

“Well… aren’t you going?” she asked.

Though he didn’t smile, there seemed to be an amused look in his eye and Ruth found herself hating him all the more because she knew it was at her expense.

“I’m afraid I couldn’t, even if I wanted to… You see, when Grace Cartwright gives an order, it’s not in anyone’s best interest – especially a Cartwright’s – to disobey.”

He paused, looking at her for several moments. Something in his expression made Ruth feel like she wanted to either turn and run, or else slap him. As it were, she did neither because he suggested they dance.

It was a waltz. Ruth felt her palms go sweaty and prayed that Adam wouldn’t notice. She counted carefully in her head. One, two three… One, two, three… Over and over, she counted as she concentrated on where he led. Had she not been so absorbed in counting and worrying and hating, she might have noticed what a graceful dancer Adam Cartwright was – she also might have noticed he was speaking to her.

“…Miss Wilson?”

Ruth started, looking up at him. She suddenly lost count and found herself still on three when she should have been on one. She tripped over his leg and would have fallen to the floor, where it not for the hands that held fast to her and quickly righted her position before anyone noticed. Her face turned scarlet as he looked at her with those penetrating eyes.

“Are you alright?”

“I…I think…” she stammered, “I think I’d like to take a little break…” she gave a soft, nervous laugh, desperately hoping she sounded very casual. “I… never really liked dancing anyway…”

Adam nodded and ushered her to the back of the room. She took the seat he offered her near an open window where a soft cool breeze blew in. She sighed inwardly when he took the seat next to her. ‘Why doesn’t he just go away?’ she thought.

“You sure you’re alright?”

Ruth forced herself to control the urge to roll her eyes. Of course she was alright.

“Yes… in fact, I’m better than alright,” she offered, in what she felt confident was a gracious tone. “And now I want you to feel free to go back to your… um… well, whatever it is you Cartwright men do here at these socials…”

As she spoke, she looked across the room at the young ladies, still congregated in the corner, staring at Adam and obviously longing for his return.

“And what is it you think we Cartwrights do at these socials?” he asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow at her.

‘How dare he take that tone of voice with me?’ she thought, wondering in a small corner of her mind (though she wouldn’t have admitted it) if she might not have misjudged him altogether. She turned in to him, ready to meet his challenge.

“Mr. Cartwright, let’s not pretend with one another…”

“Alright,” he said evenly, adjusting his chair to face her.

She took a deep breath, adjusting her own chair to face his.

“You are a very eligible young bachelor – who obviously stands to inherit a large fortune. You enjoy watching women flaunt and flirt and follow around after you like a bunch of love-sick puppies. But I, Mr. Cartwright, will not be one of your little puppies, hanging on your every word.”

She stopped abruptly but was satisfied that she’d made her point.

“You certainly think you have me pegged, don’t you?” Adam asked, scooting his chair close to hers.

Ruth nodded and mindlessly adjusted her own position to be closer to him. “I’m a very good judge of character.”

“Well then by all means, I should relieve you of my shady character at once.”

They were now absurdly close to one another, one fuming and the other smiling coolly.

“Well, you two certainly seem to be getting along well.”

Grace’s voice startled them both and they backed away from one another quickly. Ruth managed a slight smile for her friend. Hoss was attempting to lead his wife to a chair, but she maneuvered her way out of his grip and took Adam’s hand.

“Adam, you’ll dance with me, won’t you? I just love this song!”

“Another dance? – Grace!” Hoss said, exasperated. “You ought not…”

Grace winked at him and mumbled in a slight sing-songy voice, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder!” Grace explained, nodding to Adam and then to Ruth.

“What?” Ruth exclaimed, standing. But it was too late. Grace had already pulled Adam out to the dance floor.

“Oh, Lordy, Grace!” Hoss fretted, “It’s a polka! – come back…”

When Ruth turned reluctantly to Hoss she found him staring after his wife, scowling at her stubbornness. “Com’mon…” he said to her.

Before Ruth could protest, she was being whirled around the dance floor in the giant’s arms. To make matters worse, they weren’t even stepping in time – it was more like run-dancing after Grace and Adam. Hoss was apparently determined to catch his matchmaker wife and make her take it easy. Ruth struggled to keep up with his large quick steps, wondering what oafs they must look like.

The song was at an end before they caught up with Grace and Adam. Hoss turned loose of Ruth and put his hands on his hips, obviously about to give his wife a good talking-to, when another song began.

“The Virginia Reel! I just love this!” Grace said, taking Adam’s hands again. A moment later, they were lining up for the dance.

“The Virginia Re – Grace! Get back here!”

 

“Hoss never could get Grace to sit down and take it easy,” Ruth said, shaking her head in amusement. “She spent the entire night herding Adam and I together and he spent the night chasing after her.”

“It seemed the matchmaker was successful in the end, though,” Ellen commented with a wink.

Ruth nodded. “If you’d told me that night that I’d be Mrs. Adam Cartwright in six month’s time, I’d have called you a liar… and poor Hoss, nearly driven out of his mind with worry trying to keep up with her while she worked to help cupid along.”

The women laughed, brushing away tears as they did. Grace’s antics were part of her charm. There would never be another Grace.

“How are the boys?” Ellen asked after some time.

“Johnny’s awake finally, and his fever is nearly gone,” Ruth said, glad to finally have some good news to report about the boy. “He’ll be okay… He was up eating breakfast when I left.”

Relief showed in Ellen’s face. “I’m so glad to hear it. How is Benny?”

“He’s fine. Reverend Johnson is keeping an eye on him.”

The bedroom door opened, and Sarah emerged, holding a blanketed bundle. She smiled at the women and brought the baby to Ruth.

“I ‘spect yer the other proud aunt, hm?”

Ruth smiled, nodding. “That I am.” She accepted the sleeping baby and marveled at how beautiful he was. “Hey there, Daniel come here to your Aunt Ruth…” she said softly, but the baby slumbered on.

“Mrs. Jamison…”

“Please, call me Sarah.”

Ruth nodded, “Sarah, I just can’t tell you how much we appreciate your help.”

Sarah shrugged, smiling a little. “The way I see it, life ain’t so short we cain’t stop to help a body in need…. ‘Sides, he’s a real sweet baby.”

Ruth smiled and looked back down at her nephew and rocked him back and forth. She calculated in her head. If her suspicions proved correct, they might be welcoming another little Cartwright into the world early next spring. She blushed in spite of herself. It wasn’t like she would be the first to have a honeymoon “surprise.” Of course, it was still too early to tell for sure. But still…

“Ruth, when will you know?” Ellen asked.

“What?” Ruth looked up in sudden surprise and wondered if she might have been accidentally thinking out loud.

“We were talking about Johnny – when will you know if he’s out of the woods or not?”

“Oh…” Ruth answered lamely. She forced her mind to switch directions. “Um… Well, Paul seems to think if he does fine today and his fever stays down, he’ll be just fine…”

She looked up and noticed Sarah Jamison looking at her intensely. A small smile played at the lips of the woman. Ruth blushed and tried to look away, but somehow found herself looking back and caught Sarah’s slight wink. Ruth’s eyes widened in surprise. Sarah Jamison knew her secret!

 

Chapter 24 – Light in the Darkness

Ben held out his gun toward the group of red men advancing toward them, not taking the time to aim, and pulled the trigger. Nothing. His gun was empty. The renegades rushing toward them had obviously run out of ammunition as well since they were now bearing only knives and spears. He braced himself to put up a good fight just as the crowd of Indians reached them.

A bugle sounded. Ben hardly had time to notice it, as he dodged a knife that was flung toward his chest. The sound of horse hooves and rifle fire filled the air and suddenly there were others with them – it was the Army!

A moment later Ben found himself somehow penned to the ground by a young, angry looking man with a face brightly painted face. The man held a knife to his throat, and both struggled against one another.

“Pa!”

Was that Hoss’s voice? Ben wondered as he attempted to free himself before his attacker could slit his throat. Before he could give it another thought, the Indian was plucked off of him by his large son. Ben gasped, taking a second to collect himself. When he looked up, he noticed blue uniforms everywhere. The commotion was slowly dying down as renegades surrendered.

“Hoss!” Ben shouted when he saw his son squeezing the very life out of the man that had just been attacking him. The Indian was nearly unconscious by this time and completely unable to resist. “Hoss, stop!”

Ben ran toward the pair and attempted to pry Hoss’s arms from around the man. “Hoss, stop now!”

With a grunt, Hoss released the man, allowing him to crumple to the ground at his feet. Ben watched, stunned, as his son slumped to the ground next to the man, burying his face in his hands. Was he crying? He couldn’t tell.

“Pa!”

Ben turned to see Adam and Joe coming toward him, both supporting one another. He moved quickly to help them. Joe held his head, inadvertently smearing blood all over the side of his face. Adam clutched his sides, taking quick and shallow breaths. Ben helped them to sit in the shade of a large boulder.

He looked around. The Army was busy restraining what remained of the band of Indians while ragged-looking members of the posses nursed those who had fallen. Adam moaned and Ben brought his attention back to his sons.

“Adam, how did you and Hoss…”

Ben paused, to help Adam lie down on his back, which seemed to relieve a great deal of his pain. That done, Ben turned his attention to Joe. He took the bloody handkerchief Joe was holding and did what he could to clean his middle son’s face with it. He folded it up and pressed it firmly against the gash on Joe’s temple.

“We found the Army riding in and…” A fit of coughing overtook Adam and he groaned in pain.

“Well… it’s not that we’re not grateful…” Ben said with a frown, trying to divide his attention between Adam and Joe. “But it’s a wonder you didn’t kill yourself… I can’t believe Ruth let you come…”

“She doesn’t know…” Adam answered with a slight chuckle that came out more like a gurgling cough.

Ben continued to frown, both irritated and proud at his two eldest sons. He looked at Hoss, who hadn’t moved yet. He turned back at Joe, who seemed to be drifting in and out of consciousness. He took one of Joe’s hands and placed it over the handkerchief on his head. Joe nodded slightly and held it there, his eyes still closed.

“I’m gonna check on Hoss…” Ben said, patting Adam’s leg gently.

Ben stood and walked the few feet over to where the big man was sitting in the grass. The soldiers were dragging the Indian he’d nearly crushed to death over to where they were holding the rest of the renegades.

“Hoss…” Ben said softly.

“Leave me alone, Pa…” Hoss’s voice was raspy and quiet.

Hoss raised his head to look around but would not look directly at his father. His eyes were red and swollen and Ben found it difficult to hold his own emotions in check.

“Pa…” Hoss’s voice startled him, but he turned calmly and looked at his son. “I was gonna kill’im” Hoss looked down at his large hands in disgust.

Ben sighed wearily and placed a hand on his son’s back. “But you didn’t.”

“All I could see when I looked at him, was Johnny layin’ on that bed all covered in blood and the blistering on Benny’s face when we found’im and Grace…”

“Son,” Ben reminded him softly, “Those renegades had nothing to do with Grace’s death…”

“I know that!” Hoss shouted, pressing the palms of his hands against his forehead.

“Son…” Ben looked down, raising his eyebrows thoughtfully. “A man’s character isn’t measured by what he would like to do in the heat of the moment… No matter what you wanted to do, you wound up doing the right thing…”

“It just…” Hoss said, frustrated, “It just seems like someone ought’ta be to blame…”

“Like who?”

Hoss shrugged. “I dunno… God maybe…”

Ben looked at his son and could tell by the look on Hoss’s face that he was ashamed for what he’d just said.

“Hoss, do you remember what the Father Fontenot said to us last summer… just before Genevieve died?” Ben didn’t wait for his son to answer. “He said, ‘A fool believes his trials to be nothing more than a miserable end, but a wise man understands them to be but a single thread in the tapestry of life.’… Hoss, I know exactly what you’re going through…”

Hoss nodded and Ben continued.

“You lost your wife.” The statement was blunt and sounded harsher than he’d intended, but Ben continued. “But you have your son… Sarah Jamison doesn’t even have that….”

Hoss frown curiously and Ben paused. “Sarah Jamison…” he mumbled. “Who’s that?”

“She’s the woman Joe and Ellen found to take care of Daniel…”

Silence fell and Ben had no idea what else to say. They seemed to sit there for an eternity before either of them spoke again.

“Pa…” Hoss said standing. “…I don’t think I can do this by myself… raise that little baby…”

Ben stood, putting an arm around his son’s shoulders. “You won’t be by yourself.”

“Thank ya Pa.”

Ben turned, his arm still around the big man, and led him back toward where Adam and Joe were now both asleep – or unconscious – it was almost impossible to tell.

“I’ll be happy to help any way I can, Hoss… I’ve had a little experience raising Cartwright boys…”

Hoss managed a small smile at this and nodded. “Yessir…” Hoss put his hands on his hips, looking down at his brothers pathetically. “They’re sure a sight… I reckon we need to get these two back to town now…”

Hoss bent down to wake Adam and Ben moved to help Joe up. Both men groaned at having their slumber and moment of relatively painless bliss disturbed. Ben supported Joe as they walked back to find their horses, while Hoss followed behind with his older brother draped across his arms. Adam mumbled something, but his words were lost to Ben. Hoss must have understood him because he responded.

“Older Brother, I think going up against a band of renegade Indians is gonna seem a might more appealin’ when Ruth gets a-hold of ya fer going off after she done told you to stay put…”

Ben felt a smile tug at his lips. Though he had his back to him, he could see the slightest glimpse of the old Hoss shining through the thick shroud of grief. If anything could act as a healing salve to his large son’s fresh wound, it would be the love of his family.

 

Chapter 25 – Inebriated Homecoming

It was past noon when Ellen and Ruth, at Sarah’s insistence, left the hotel for a quick refreshing walk outside and some lunch. The pair had hardly reached the boardwalk when they spotted a massive herd of horses and wagons just turning onto the main street of Virginia City.

“Look Ruth! They’re back!”

Before Ruth could respond, Ellen had taken off toward the group of weary-looking men. Ruth followed slower, gauging the time by the sun. She wondered where Adam was. It had been several hours since he’d taken off after Hoss. Now that all of the men were back, perhaps someone could be persuaded to go look for him. She tucked the thought away in her mind, trying not to worry.

Soldiers in dark blue seemed to make up a majority of the group now traveling down the center of the street, however, there were a fair number of familiar men whom Ruth recognized as citizens of Virginia City and its outlying farms and ranches. A few buckboards had been recruited to carry wounded men back and yet another three wagons were bearing what was obviously the renegade Indians, shouting angrily in their own tongues.

Ahead, Ellen had found who she was looking for and Ruth smiled when she saw Joe slide, rather clumsily she thought, from his horse and take her in his arms. He had a white bandage around his head and Ellen was busy fussing over him because of it. Ruth scanned the crowd. She found Ben riding next to one of the wagons looking completely exhausted. On his other side was Hoss – Hoss? Fear seized her. Where was Adam?

Soon, people were pouring out of the saloon, frantically looking for loved ones. The soldiers escorted the prisoners’ wagons further down the street. The other wagons were brought to a halt in front of the saloon and men from the posses dismounted and began helping take the wounded inside.

“Ben!” Ruth couldn’t contain the fear in her voice as she ran up to Ben and Hoss.

“Adam,” she said in a panic as the men dismounted, their faces showing their sudden concern, “Adam went after…” she pointed to Hoss, her heart now beginning to beat wildly in her chest.

Hoss nodded and raised his hand in assurance. “He found me…” Ruth noted the look of guilt on her brother-in-law’s face. He quickly explained the series of events that had made up their morning.

Ruth’s eyes became large, “He rode all the way out there…”

“I know,” Ben interrupted in slight irritation, “If I’d thought he could have comprehended anything I would have given him a good stern talking-to…”

Ruth’s worries changed direction at this, and she began to wonder if Adam’s head wound were much more serious than Paul had originally thought. She looked around, feeling a little helpless. “Where…”

Hoss nodded her back to the buckboard that was behind them. A few men were unloading a man who seemed to have been shot more than once in the leg. She peered in and saw Adam lying in the wagon snoring loudly. Ruth looked up, questioning. Hoss’s face soured and Ben only rolled his eyes.

“Well…ya see Ruth… he was in a heap of pain out there and we didn’t have nothin’ to give’im… As it turned out though… a bunch of the fellers out there seem to always keep a whiskey bottle handy and they offered to share them with the men who were hurt…”

Ruth looked around at the injured men who were being carried into the saloon and, for the first time, noticed they all seemed lethargically content. She looked back at Adam, who slumbered on noisily.

“Are you telling me that these men are…”

“Drunk,” Ben said bluntly with another rolling of his eyes.

Ruth looked at Hoss, “I reckon some of’em might’a wound up with a bit more’n they needed… But it worked out for the best really…” Hoss had taken off his hat and was now fidgeting with the brim, trying not to make eye contact with her. “After Adam quit tryin’ to get everybody to sing and after we took his gun away from’im,” Hoss laughed nervously, “…He was sorta wavin’ it around tryin’ to get everyone to sing together… Well, after that, he quieted down and fell right to sleep.”

Ben gave a low “harrumph” and Hoss didn’t attempt to explain further. Both men turned and began unloading Adam. He stirred slightly and started to loudly sing a few lines to an unknown song before he groaned in pain and passed out again. Ruth turned around and saw Ellen and Joe walking toward them. Joe was leaning heavily on his very confused bride-to-be. Ruth moved to his other side to help support him.

“I think he’s…” Ellen whispered in embarrassment.

“He is,” Ruth confirmed, slightly irritated, and Joe looked at her, his face very close to hers and his breath making her stomach lurch.

“Hi Ruthie-poo…” he said softly with a glassy-eyed smile. He continued to stare at her but said nothing.

“Joe,” Ellen said, “Are you sure you’re quite alright?”

He turned to look at Ellen and stared smilingly at her, as he had Ruth. Several seconds passed before he responded.

“Ellen Hart, yer beautiful… will you marry me?” He broke out into a fit of exhausted laughter as though he’d told a joke that should have left them all in stitches.

“Laugh today, sweetie,” Ellen said, rather unamused, “Because I think tomorrow will be a different story entirely…”

 

Chapter 26 – Surely Goodness and Mercy

Ben grumbled under his breath as he and Hoss carried Adam into the saloon. They took him to the back corner and found an empty cot to deposit him on near Johnny’s. Once his eldest was situated, Ben turned to Johnny. The boy was propped up on a large stack of pillows, his injured arm bound securely to his bare chest. Ben placed a hand on the child’s head and was overcome with relief to find the boy’s fever completely gone. Johnny’s eyes opened.

“Johnny… you’re… I’m so glad…” Ben stammered in sudden excitement. “How are you feeling?” He managed finally.

He was rewarded with a grin from his son. “If I say ‘fine’ can I get up off’a this bed?”

Ben chuckled at this, planting a kiss on the boy’s forehead. “We’ll have to ask Doc Martin about that…”

“Pa…” Hoss said, distractedly, looking across the room.

Ben looked up and turned to see what Hoss was looking at. On the opposite side of the room, twenty or thirty people were gathered, some lying on cots and others sitting in chairs or on tables. They were all staring, entranced at Benny as he spoke. He almost looked as though he were… preaching?

“…And Joseph told his brothers that he forgave’em – and that even though they had done all’a those things to him just to be mean, God used’em to make good stuff happen.” The boy was gesturing excitedly with his arms as he spoke. “And Joseph’s fathers and brothers came to live with him in Egypt and God used Joseph to save everyone!”

A dull roar arose from the crowd as they voiced their approval to the ending of his story and Benny continued. “So ya see, the happy ending wouldn’t make no sense if he didn’t go through all’a the bad stuff…”

Hoss and Ben looked at each other curiously and stepped closer to the crowd, intrigued.

When the cheering had died down, an old man spoke up. “Hey, boy, do you think… you could go back an’ read that first bit you started out readin’?”

“I thought you didn’t want to hear no funeral words,” another spat back.

“I didn’t,” the first man said defensively, “But now… well, now that I done heard that story of Joseph and his pappy and brothers… I figger maybe…” the man blushed a little, “Maybe I might’a been a little quick to judge that other’n.”

Benny picked up the Bible and took some minutes flipping through the pages. At last, thr man in the corner said, “I’ll bet you can say it without lookin’ it up… R’member? ‘The Lord is my shepherd…’”

Hoss moved forward but Ben held him back, bringing a finger to his lips. He wanted to see what his young son would do before they made their presence known.

Benny stood there thinking for several moments.

“R’member? … ‘He maketh me to lie down…’”

Benny nodded, closing his eyes in recollection. “The Lord is my shepherd… I shall not… shall not… want….” Benny paused, thinking. “He maketh me to lie down in green pastures… umm…” Benny’s eyes opened and drifted nervously around the room and finally landed on Ben. “PA!”

The child abandoned his position at the center of the crowd and clamored past several spectators and crawled under a few cots to get across the room. When he reached him, Benny leapt into his father’s arms. Ben let out a deep laugh as he held the boy close. Benny looked over and noticed his older brother standing next to them. His smile faded and he looked away. Ben turned to Hoss, who looked equally hurt.

“Benny…” Hoss began quietly, “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to…”

“S’alright…” Benny said sadly without looking at his brother. His chin quivered slightly.

Hoss shrugged, looking as though he felt he deserved whatever guilt he was feeling.

“Hey!” One of the miners from the corner called out. “What ‘bout us!”

The three Cartwrights looked up in surprise, having momentarily forgotten about the crowd of people who were now gawking at them.

“I been mistering today…” Benny explained quietly.

Ben raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “Mistering?”

“Let that boy come back over here and finish,” another man called, irritated.

“I gotta go work now, Pa.”

Benny slid down from his father’s arms and crossed the room. Ben and Hoss watched after him, confused.

“Sorry, where was I?” Benny asked when he had gotten back to his place in the center of the crowd. He thought a moment and then continued. “He maketh me to lie down in green pastures… He…. He…” Benny frowned and turned to the old timers in the corner in disappointment. “M’sorry… I… I don’t think I know the rest…”

Ben smiled, stepping through the crowd, “He leadeth me beside still waters,” he quoted and picked his son up, placing him on his hip. “He restoreth my soul. He guideth me in the path of righteousness for his name’s sake.”

Ben looked around the room as he recited the familiar scripture. He saw Johnny slowly sit up on his cot, then stand. Ben didn’t stop but kept his eyes on his son across the room. The boy slowly and weakly made his way over to Hoss and tugged on the big man’s sleeve. Hoss looked down in surprise and gently picked the boy up into his arms.

“I will fear no evil for thou art with me… Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me…”

Ben caught sight of Ruth and Ellen walking in a bedraggled-looking Joe. If they were confused at the sight of him spouting scripture in the middle of the saloon, they didn’t show it. They settled Joe in a chair and Ruth sat on the cot next to Adam, mindlessly smoothing his hair as she listened. Ben looked around at his family, heartbroken and hurting though they were, and thought a feeling of peace flooded over him.

“And surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

A long moment of silence descended as everyone contemplated the meaning of the words. Suddenly, from the back of the crowd Joe shouted, long and loud, “Amen!” He raised an imaginary glass in his hand as though he were making a toast and promptly fell from his chair to the floor with a loud thud.

Ben smiled, shaking his head. “Amen,” he echoed quietly.

 

Chapter 27 – Reconciliation

“Benny!”

The sound of the little boy running away followed the slamming of the hotel suite door. Baby Daniel’s cries drifted in from the bedroom in response to the loud noise. Ben sighed in defeat and looked at his family apologetically. Ellen rose and motioned for Hoss to keep his seat then went to tend to the infant.

“Well, that went well…” Hoss mumbled discouragingly.

“I’m sorry, I should have told them before you all got back,” Ruth said as she comforted a weeping Johnny. The boy sat next to her on the settee. She had her arms around him as though she were shielding him from something terrible.

Ben shook his head. “Benny’s a different kind of little boy when he’s upset…” he explained, “He can make himself absolutely sick with grief.”

He frowned, looking toward the door his youngest had just left through. He needed to go after him. Finally, he stood.

“Pa…” Hoss said, a pained look on his face. “Maybe I should go with ya…”

They had learned early on that when Benny got worked up, Hoss was usually the only one who could calm him down. The two had a sort of unspoken bond, like kindred spirits. Ben’s mind traveled back to the incident in the street that morning. He’d never seen Hoss react so mercilessly toward anyone, especially one of his brothers. And the look of fear and betrayal on Benny’s face was not one any of them would soon forget.

“No, I think I’d better be the one to go.”

Ben chided himself for not choosing his words more carefully when he saw the hurt look in his big son’s eyes. In the end, Hoss didn’t argue. He simply nodded his head and looked away. Ben sighed again and left the hotel room.

He had hardly begun his search for his youngest when he heard Benny’s crying – or wailing, rather – in the alley way between the hotel and the mercantile. Large crates were stacked up on either side of the alley, obstructing his view. He could tell by the way the child was coughing and gagging that he’d probably just gotten sick. Ben had just started maneuvering himself past the crates when he heard a man’s voice and stopped abruptly. It was Reverend Johnson.

“There now what could possibly be so bad as all this…” the minister said softly.

Benny was obviously not interested in consolation as his cries grew louder. Every now and again the child would produce a few gurgled distinguishable words. “She’s… gone…”

“I know…” the pastor answered, “… but you’re going to have to calm down…”

“She’s gone… Hoss doesn’t love… I didn’t mean… Don’t really hate him…” The rest of his words were unintelligible, but Ben could tell even through his son’s sobs that Benny was trying to explain what had happened that morning in the street.

Ben’s heart broke for his youngest. He was just about to step out from behind the crates and go to him when the reverend did something unexpected.

“Benny,” he said very firmly, “Did you run away from your family just now? Well, that was very wrong, do you hear me?” Several moments passed as the minister tried to calm the boy down. At last, Benny’s crying began to grow softer. “Benny, I know you’re upset about Grace… and I know you love your brother – we all say things we regret. But listen to me…”

There was a pause while Benny became absorbed in a coughing – gagging fit. When he finished, Reverend Johnson continued.

“But no matter how sad you are, Hoss is a lot sadder about it. And right now, he needs you to be extra kind to him – not make him feel worse by running out upset like this…”

Ben stepped around the crates. Benny was sitting on his knees in the dirt, his arms folded on top of a small crate and his face buried in them. Ben looked at the minister, who smiled and silently took his leave. Ben whispered his thanks quietly as the man passed him. Reverend Johnson only smiled again and gave him a reassuring pat on the back.

“Son…” Ben called softly.

Without a moment’s hesitation, Benny was up and running to his father. Ben collected him in his arms, allowing the child to bury his face in his shoulder and cry. He rubbed his son’s back in an effort to calm him. Sometimes he envied a child’s ability to cry. Truth be known they all felt like doing exactly as Benny had done. Grace was gone and their family was now suddenly incomplete. His eyes burned with unshed tears.

“Benny, listen to me…” he said, when his son had finally calmed back down. “What happened this morning… Hoss didn’t mean what he said, he was just very upset over Grace… and he knows you don’t really hate him…”

Ben held his son close and sat down on a crate, rocking him back and forth gently. He wasn’t sure how long they sat there like that, but a good while later – after Benny’s sobs had given way to exhausted hicups– he heard heavy footsteps making their way down the alley. A moment later, Hoss appeared, lingering hesitantly in the shadows.

“I don’t think we’re quite ready to talk yet…” Ben said, patting Benny on the back and offering Hoss a small smile.

Hoss nodded and took a reluctant step closer, shoving his hands in his pockets. Ben frowned. This had gone on long enough. The longer the two allowed themselves to feel guilty, the harder it would be to get past it all. And Hoss certainly didn’t need anything else to hold him back from moving on. Ben stood, raising an authoritative eyebrow and handed Benny over to Hoss. Hoss quickly removed his hands from his pockets and accepted his brother. He shot Ben a rather surprised look.

“Talk to him. Work it out.”

Ben turned quickly and left the two standing there. When he rounded the crates, he paused to listen. They were silent for sometime and then both suddenly began talking at once.

“Didn’ mean it, Hoss…”

“Benny, I’m so sorry…”

Both of them started crying. This time, there were no wailing sobs racked with guilt. It was simply the cries of two brothers, grieving in tandem.

 

Chapter 28 – Waking Moments

“Hoss, are you ready for dinner?”

Grace’s voice called to him from the kitchen. She emerged looking beautiful and holding a baby in her arms.

“Look, there’s Papa…” she cooed to the infant.

Hoss attempted to move toward his wife; to take her in his arms. His feet seemed to be frozen in their place. Suddenly the child let out a loud cry and everyone disappeared.

Hoss jerked awake and looked around, a little disoriented. He wasn’t at his home… Where was he? Oh yes, he was in the sitting area of the hotel suite. A cry pierced the darkness and realization began to dawn. Daniel was crying.

He sat up from where he was sleeping on the floor and gathered his son from the makeshift cradle next to him. He checked the clock on the wall which was illuminated by moonlight filtering in through the window. It wasn’t time for the baby to eat yet. Hoss changed Daniel’s diaper and settled into the rocking chair at the corner of the room.

He looked around the room. His youngest brothers were sharing the settee as a bed. On one end, Benny was curled up with one arm flopped over the edge of the cushion. On the other end, Johnny was propped up on pillows with a blanket tucked firmly about him to keeping him from squirming in his sleep and jarring his shoulder. His father was lying on the floor, covered with a light blanket. He stirred slightly but fell back asleep quickly. Joe was sprawled out on the floor near the fireplace, snoring loudly.

Hoss looked at his son. The child’s face was contorted into a pitiful expression as he cried. Hoss bundled the child more firmly in the blanket and hushed him softly. Daniel had just begun to quiet when Benny sat up. The boy looked around him, his face bright red with sunburn even in the darkness. He clamored off the settee and approached Hoss rather sheepishly. His hair was askew and shirt was untucked and a little lop-sided on his body. The baby began to cry again.

“Hey, little man,” Hoss said, rubbing his eyes with the palm of one hand and cradling his son with his other arm. “You ought’ta be asleep…”

Benny shrugged and came closer to inspect his nephew.

“Why’s it cryin’ like that?”

Hoss yawned, “I dunno…”

“Well, how do you make it stop?”

Hoss thought for a moment. “Well, when you was little… for some reason you liked to be held like this…” Hoss held Daniel out in front of him with one hand behind his head and the other supporting his rump. His blanket loosened and his little arms slipped out, hanging loose to either side. Hoss leaned forward in the rocker and gently swung the baby from side to side.

“I did?” Benny asked as though he wasn’t sure he believed it.

Hoss nodded. “Until you got a little older and then you liked to be held like this…” He tucked the infant in the crook of one arm as though he were carrying a chicken. Suddenly the crying ceased, and Daniel cooed quietly, looking around the room.

Benny looked up at him in amazement. “It worked…”

“Shore ‘nough…”

Benny sat on the floor in front of Hoss, his knees drawn to his chest. The three sat there in silence for some time before Daniel fell back asleep. Hoss placed him gently in the crate and returned to the rocking chair.

“Reckon you’d better get back to bed, don’t’cha think?”

Benny nodded. He headed back to the settee, but then stopped. “Umm…” the boy began sheepishly as he turned back to Hoss. “I’as just wonderin’… um…”

Benny glanced over at Daniel then to the ground shyly. Hoss frowned, unsure of what could be the matter.

“‘Member how – b’fore you and Grace got married – sometimes I’d come in yer room at night and you’d sit with me in that big ol’ chair of yers and you’d tell me stories?”

His heart warmed and Hoss leaned forward to effortlessly lift his little brother onto his lap. Benny leaned back against his chest.

“What story should we have?”

“Umm… maybe we could just sit here and… not have a story…”

Hoss nodded, though he knew his brother couldn’t see him from where he sat. He leaned his head against the back of the rocker. It was a long time before Benny spoke again.

“Hoss?”

“Yeah, Little Man?”

“It hurts… a’most like when Mama died…”

Hoss clenched his jaw and struggled to clear his throat.

“I didn’t think I’d never ever smile again…” Benny continued, “…but I did…”

Hoss considered this. Benny was right, of course. Right now, he felt as if he’d never be able to be happy again. The intense pain he felt seemed eternal. But, as impossible as it seemed, this too would be tempered with time. But then again, Hoss wasn’t sure if he wanted it to be. Moving on, getting past this initial intense grief meant accepting that Grace was gone; moving on; putting distance between him and the happiest time in his life. Moving on could be a great release, but then it could also mean forgetting and forgetting anything about Grace Cartwright simply was not acceptable.

“Hoss…” Benny turned to look up at him. “I know ya don’t feel like it now… but I hope you smile again someday too…”

Benny reached up and put his arms tightly around Hoss’s neck and kissed him on the cheek.

“Loves ya, Hoss.”

Hoss nodded, not trusting his voice. Benny slid from his lap and, after a quick look into the cradle where Daniel was still sleeping soundly, he crossed the room and curled up on his end on the settee.

****

Ruth felt movement in the dark and pried her eyes open. She looked around in sleepy confusion and then remembered. They were in a hotel room. When the posse had returned, the saloon was nearly cleared out when families began taking their loved ones back to whatever was left of their homes. They had managed to fit the rest of their family into the hotel suite Hoss had gotten for Grace, but they managed to obtain another one for her and Adam. Everyone had agreed that the quiet solitude would be much better for Adam’s concussion than sharing a room with seven people, which included two little boys and an infant. They all hoped to head back out to the Ponderosa the next morning, bury their beloved Grace and begin moving past this horrible nightmare.

Now, though, Ruth could see Adam sitting up on the edge of the bed. He was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his forehead cradled in the palms of his hands.

“Adam?” She paused for a response, but when there was none she sat up quickly. “Adam, are you feeling alright?”

In the moonlight she could see his head nod.

“…Just hard to sleep…thinking about all those people… it’s getting to where a man can’t even protect his own family anymore…” He paused for a moment, his head still in his hands. “A man ought to be able to give his family that at least… make them feel safe…”

Ruth frowned. He sounded so helpless. She swung her feet over the side of the mattress and sat next to him on the edge of the bed.

“Adam…” she began slowly, “you did protect your family…”

“I should have been there.”

“Adam, there’s no way you could have known… besides, you were the one who arranged for me to stay with the boys while you and your father and brothers were gone… Can you imagine if I’d been at our place by myself?”

“Still…” he said, defeated.

The two sat for a while in the darkness, each becoming lost in their own thoughts.

“When I was little, my father would tell me that even in the most difficult times in life there’s something to be happy about – that we can find it if we look hard enough.”

Adam stood gingerly and walked to the window. He drew back the curtain and looked into the night. A thought occurred to Ruth, followed by a prick of panic in her stomach. Did she dare to tell him?

“Well…” she took a deep breath – what if her suspicions were wrong? “You might not have to look that hard this time…”

Adam turned to her. The moonlight set his face aglow. She gave him a wobbly smile.

“You might want to sit down first…”

When Peace, Like a River, Attendeth My Way

Ellen’s mind was in the process of bouncing from one thought to another, landing on nothing for a significant amount of time, when she felt Joe’s hand slip from her own. She stopped and turned. As she did, she realized their evening stroll had taken them all the way to the edge of town. She hadn’t realized they’d walked so far.

“What’s the matter Joe?” she asked, retracing her last few steps to go stand beside him. Her eyes followed his gaze.

In the distance was a smoldering heap of what once had been a charming little cabin. A man, a woman and two boys poked around in the rubble. One of the boys picked up something and ran excitedly up to his father. The family laughed and cheered together at the discovery. What it was, Ellen could not tell, but whatever it was would likely be one of a very few items reclaimed from the fire.

“How do ya like that?” Joe mumbled, a smile playing on his lips. “Look at all they’ve lost… and they can still find something to smile about…”

“Isn’t that how it should be?” Ellen asked, still staring at the family. “They still have each other… that’s all they really need, isn’t it?”

Joe surprised her by turning to her and pulling her to him.

“You’re right… that’s all any of us really need.”

When Sorrows, Like Sea Billows Roll

Hoss stood beside the grave. The inscription on the stone which read, Loving Wife and Mother, seemed to do nothing to describe the person that Grace Cartwright had been. He looked around him, his eyes burning. He was alone. His family had been hesitant to leave him here after Reverend Johnson had finished the service, but he had assured them he would be alright.

He knelt, leaning heavily on the gravestone. She was gone. And he was all alone. The emptiness burned from within, enveloping him. After a long time, he wiped at his eyes with his shirtsleeve and told himself he needed to get up and go. But his heart simply would not allow him to leave her.

He heard footsteps falling lightly on grass behind him and he turned quickly. Sarah Jamison stood there, looking small and weary. She, too, had been crying. Hoss suddenly remembered that the funeral for her husband and child had been earlier that morning. In his grief, he’d completely forgotten. A pang of guilt stabbed him when he realized she and the minister had likely been the only ones present. Why hadn’t he offered to go to the funeral with her? That was a fine way to repay someone who had done so much for him and his child in spite of her own sorrow.

“I ain’t got much chance yet to talk to ya…” she said, stepping forward hesitantly.

He’d only met Mrs. Jamison the afternoon before – not long after they’d arrived back in Virginia City with the rest of the posse and the Army. She had been quiet and withdrawn, obviously attempting not to be an intrusive presence as the family explained to Benny and Johnny what had happened to Grace. Tears had been shed and Benny had nearly made himself sick with grief over his sister-in-law. The woman had been there to quietly bring his son out afterward so the boys could meet their new nephew. Hoss was embarrassed to admit that he’d completely forgotten about Sarah Jamison almost immediately after he’d met her.

Hoss stood politely, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Just laid mine to rest too…” she said, looking sadly at Grace’s grave.

Hoss nodded, looking away.

“I… I didn’t mean to intrude or nuthin’…” she said, looking as though she suddenly wished she hadn’t come at all. “I just thought I’d come and pay my respects…”

Hoss nodded his appreciation, not really knowing what to say. She seemed to sense this, because she continued, relieving him of the obligation to say anything.

“My little Adeline would’a been seven months today… and Zeke just turned twenty last spring…”

Hoss cleared his throat gruffly and finally spoke. “Grace… she would’a had her a birthday next week,” he said stoically. “She was hopin’ the baby and her’d have the same birthday…”

“I just cain’t believe their gone…” she whispered quietly, more to herself than to Hoss.

Without warning, she began to sob uncontrollably. She offered her mortified apologies between gasps for breath. For the first time since Grace’s death, Hoss found his heart breaking for someone other than himself. He took a nervous and hesitant step toward her and put an arm gently around her and let her cry. It seemed the least he could do. He had his family to lean on in his grief. She had no one – and had likely not known so much as an encouraging word or comforting embrace since her nightmare had begun.

“I’m sorry…. I’m sorry,” she mumbled, pulling away from him and wiping at her eyes with the hem of her apron. “I didn’t come over here to…”

Hoss opened his mouth, but once again found himself unable to think of anything to say.

“Ya know…” she said, pulling herself together. “The preacher said somethin’ at the service…”

“What was that ma’am?”

She wiped her eyes again, taking a few more cautious steps away from him. “He said that he reckoned some people have such a sweet spirit about’em that they just seem about the closest thing a body could be to heaven…”

She paused and Hoss could tell she was fighting to remain in control of herself.

“…I ‘spect while they’re here on earth… they’re a might homesick…”

Hoss thought on this. That was certainly a beautiful way of putting it. Hoss looked at his wife’s grave then looked heavenward. “I believe yer prob’ly right about that ma’am.”

Silently the two turned and made their way back to the ranch house, each finding a measure of comfort in the other’s presence.

Whatever My Lot, Thou Hast Taught Me to Say,

Ben shoved his hands in his pockets and smiled at his son and his new daughter-in-law. He looked around at the guests that filled the great room of the ranch house. Joe and Ellen had struggled over whether or not to postpone their wedding because of the Indian attacks, but ultimately had decided to continue with their plans. It had been a good decision. The sound of happy chatter was a welcome relief from the blanket of gloom that had been smothering the territory for the last several weeks.

Ben let his gaze wander about the room. In the dining area, Ruth was carrying two fresh pitchers of punch with Adam close on her heels apparently trying to get her to sit down and take it easy. Johnny and Benny had retreated to the front yard at the first opportunity with a group of other boys. From where he stood, Ben could see them through the window of his study thoroughly engaged in a game of marbles. He turned back to watch the crowd of dancers in the center of the room and spied Hoss hovering in the shadows of the staircase. Ben crossed the room to where his large son stood.

“I’m surprised you’re not polishing off the rest of that wedding cake, son,” he said lightly.

Hoss gave a small smile and a shrug.

“Fine day for a wedding…” He commented, noting once again the smiles around the room.

Hoss gave a silent nod.

“Is Sarah up with Daniel?”

Hoss nodded again and Ben pursed his lips with a sigh. He might as well be talking to himself for no better conversation than he was getting out of his son. For several minutes, the two stood there watching the dancers circle by.

“Funny,” Hoss began quietly, “how you can be in a room full’a people and still feel all alone…”

Ben nodded slightly. It was as though he almost expected Hoss’s comment, sudden though it was. For a moment he became lost in the memories of the grief his own life had brought to him.

“If you’d’a known before… how it would turn out… would you have done anything differn’t?”

Ben thought on this for a moment. Each time of sorrow in his life had opened a door to a time of intense happiness. Each of his wives, though he missed them dearly, had left him with five pretty amazing gifts. To go back and change anything might mean missing out on one of the greatest blessings of his life.

“No,” he said softly and simply. He thought about explaining further, but when he saw Hoss’s head nod in understanding, he knew it wasn’t necessary. If he could give his son one thing right now, it would be to let him know that the sun would shine again someday – that he would know happiness and love again.

They stood there watching the dancers in silence for several more moments before Hoss’s gruff voice once again broke the silence.

“What say we go take care of the rest of that cake?”

Ben turned to his son with a grin and clapped him on the back.

“Sounds good to me.”

“It Is Well, It Is Well With My Soul.”

Epilogue

My Child,

You have come far in your life’s journey. As you approach the end, it is important to understand that I hold everything in my hand. You must daily surrender those you care for to my keeping. As hard as you may try, you will never be able to protect them as I can. Just remember, my protection does not always come in the form you may be expecting.

You have had to endure many hardships but in spite of them you have followed me obediently and without question. You have done well, but I must ask you to persevere a little further before your journey is complete.

Your children have been my blessing to you; each one of them, a unique reflection of yourself. Continue to point them to me. Continue to teach them to obey me, whatever their lot may be. This will be important for them as they face what lies ahead. What man may see as a curse of tragedy on your family, I have meant as a lesson in strength. Remember my servant Job. It is to the strongest rose that I give the most challenges.

At times it may seem to you that I ask too much of your sons but remember that I have been with you through everything, and I will be with them as well. Always.