Chapter 2:

What’s a cooch?… l dunno… Something you sit on?… No, that’s a couch… Why does he want a couch? He don’t he wants a cooch… l told you he was crazy… He’s more likely tired … Tired and crazy if he wants to sit on a couch out here on the motorway… The guy don’t want to sit on anything, he wants cooch not a cooch… He don’t need to sit down anyway, aint he laying down… What the hell is a cooch?… I dunno ask him, l figure he’s got some kinda headache but he aint deaf…is he?

l thought l had better put an end to their compound misery as at least one fella was correct l had some kinda head ache and their chatter and my total confusion was doing zilch to ease it, as l struggled to sit upright, only the girl reached out to assist me the rest of the gathered throng took one step back widening the semi circle l had been laying in, l managed it to my feet.

“l really don’t think you should, you know you could have a concussion you should see a doctor…,” it was the girl.

“l’m fine, l don’t need no doc,” l countered, still trying to figure why it was day and not night, swaying slightly as l stood upright l reached out for the nearest solid structure, a shiny metal horseless carriage, it was warm to touch but gratefully l leaned against it, trying not to make much of the fact that my body felt as if l had let big brother Hoss use me as a punch bag.

The girl handed me a bunch of wet pieces of papery cloth advising me to press them firmly to the raised, split, lump on my forehead which had been consistently trickling blood, l thanked her and did as l was bid, my show of manners must have convinced at least one of the crowd that l didn’t pose any threat, he put the question to me that had them all stumped,

“Cooch…Cochise my….,” before l could finish they started up again.

Well now that’s different altogether, he was an Indian chief, weren’t he?…What’s he want with an Indian chief?…Maybe he thinks he’s Cochise, l told ya, nutty as a fruit cake, needs sending right back to where he came from…And where’s that Einstein?…The nut house, lock him up with the other nuts where else?…

“Cochise is my horse, a black and white pinto,”

On hearing this gem of information the comments took a different track.

A horse, you got a horse out here, where?… He don’t know where…Cute name for a horse though…Yeah, l like horses specially pinto’s…What are you two on about, you see a horse of any colour, no you don’t, the guys delusional…Someone should call an ambulance a medic or something

l repeated myself, “l don’t need no doctor, l’m fine,” my head was spinning and not just from the fall, l looked from one face to the next for all l knew l could be in China ‘cept no one looked anything like Hop Sing, carriages not unlike the one l was leaning against flashed back and forth along a wide thoroughfare, wider than some of the ones l’d seen in San Francisco, how they all didn’t collide was a pure miracle…l suddenly thought Hoss was right all along, l wished l could let him know l wished very much he was standing beside me, but then l thought what good would that do, that’d just be two of us stuck in some kind of madness instead of one, l decided if l ever make it back home l’d be sure to tell him.

Desperate for a drink, as if by magic, or she had read my thoughts the girl placed a soft, squidgy bottle in my hand, l could see it contained a clear fluid l hoped it was what l thought it was, but l had no idea how to get at the contents, seeing my predicament the girl deftly removed a strip of something from the bottle, flicked open the top and pulled up a small tube, l took a sip, thankfully and surprisingly it was fresh water, l then took a long slug, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand l said thanks, poured a little down the side of my head and made to use my sleeve to wipe it dry she handed me more little cloths l handed her back the bottle, she pressed the top with her thumb and returned it to me, keep it she said you need it more than l.

Funny just as l had managed to stand now my legs were about to buckle beneath me, the gal was definitely a mind reader, opening the side of the carriage she gave me a soft push l flopped onto the cushioned seat,

“Sit down before you fall down,” she advised, as she pushed at my legs l had to pull up my knees to fit into the small space, biting down on my lip to swallow back a yelp of pain l looked down at the tear in my pants that was oozing red, the last thing l wanted was to bleed all over the gals carriage, l stuffed the bundle of cloths that l had pressed to my head and that had already changed from a pristine white to a bright pink under the ripped material, it stung a little but at least it staunched the flow.

“O.K, folks thanks for your help, the shows over, on your way,” she wasn’t just a mind reader she was a bossy boots, l kinda liked it, it reminded me of someone else..

Slowly the crowd began to disperse, walking away to various similar shiny horseless carriages, the continual wushing noises and intermittent loud tinny, trumpeting sounds, were becoming annoying or maybe it was just the pounding in my brain.

“You sure sister, for all you know he could be some sorta psycho?”

l guessed this had to be the guy who thinks l am delusional wants ta see me locked up,

“l told ya he’s some kind of nut, looneytune, sister he’s even carrying a weapon, you need to get the cops, pronto, you can’t be too careful, he could be a deranged serial killer,”

He continued to give me a glowing character reference, blinking hard l stared at the man, l couldn’t remember when, how or why l had done anything to have caused such an outburst, l was even more taken aback and impressed by the girl’s verbal attack.

“And you could be an intelligent human being if you had a single brain cell, first l am not your sister an second it’s as clear as the eye’s in your empty dumb head, the guy’s on his way to some party, he’s car’s broken down or run out of gas an he accidentally ran into my car,” she turned to me for confirmation, “aint that it cowboy?”

Although she was plainly talking my language and most of what she said l kinda understood, l had no idea what she was talking about, l was about to disagree with her regarding the party and my gun, but suddenly elder brother loomed up in my minds eye, shaking his raven head and pinching the bridge of his nose, so l nodded my agreement, which was a mistake as the previous thudding in my head which had settled to a manageable ache had now been disturbed, it fired up into it’s original thundering throb.

But this man was not to be deterred, taken in as l was by his strange get up, a large flowered shirt that flopped over a pair of pants that were obviously several sizes to big as the crotch hung down almost to the backs of his knees, unless of course he had just forgotten to put on his belt, l failed to see the girl face him out, l wondered if the situation was going to get out of hand and whether l would have to come to her aid, which l must admit was going to take me some doing, but no she stood her ground, almost appearing like a small petulant child on the verge of a tantrum, l was fully expecting her to stamp her foot.

“Well?” she spat the word out like a bullet fired from a colt 45, my eyebrows shot up my forehead as the big guy took a step backward, but he too stood his ground.

“OK, so how come he’s looking for his horse when you say he’s got a broken down jalopy up the way?”

“So now you’re Columbo are you?…look the guys confused he’s got a bump on the head, he don’t rightly know what he’s saying, he’ll be OK after a rest,”

Again l was about to but in, l knew exactly what l was saying l just didn’t know what everyone else was saying, l remained silent, after a few tries l even managed to open the bottle and take another drink.

“Sister l aint happy about this,”

She was not backing down…

“l aint asking you to be happy you big dumb ox, l’m telling you to go, an l already told you l aint your frigging sister, if l was l would have emigrated, committed suicide or even better still blown the non-existing brains out of that bucket of bone and muscle sitting on top of your lardy neck, now get the F C U K out of here, you get my drift,”

l reckoned her spelling was off but he sure got her drift, l gazed with a degree of sympathy and a tinge of sadness at the retreating flowered, broad back, after all he was only looking out for her, l worried if l had in fact played the wrong hand, maybe he was the good guy and she who now sat beside me urging me to buckle up was in fact…my thoughts melted like wet snow in early morning sunshine, she leaned across me pressing her soft womanly parts against my chest, l tried in vain to push myself further back in the seat, she fumbled her small hand across my lap, fortunately my hat was covering my midriff, she seemed to be trying to pull some kind of strap across my body, in an effort to help l raised both of my arms shoulder high in surrender, just as if l was being held at gunpoint, she rolled her eye’s, are you for real she said, finally l heard the sound of metal click against metal, she seemed satisfied and unfortunately as far as l was concerned she returned her scantily clad body to her own seat, l rescued my hat it had gotten squashed in the process of this enjoyably but brief intimacy which l now found more than disturbing as l was secured to the seat, and even if l had wanted to l had no idea how to free myself, my fingers slid down and across to the metal implement, l was halted in my exploration.

“Don’t touch it,” the words barked out from her pretty mouth, my hand jerked back to twiddle at a button on my shirt, “l don’t know about you cowboy, are you really concussed or just plain naughty? whatever l’m beginning to think you need a keeper,” her voice softened, a grin exposed a cute dimple in her cheek.

l returned the grin as l wasn’t sure either, although l did know that even though this little gal was starting to sound like elder brother, apart from the dimple, she thankfully didn’t look anything like him, hesitantly and a tad nervously l settled myself back in the comfortable but unresisting seat to await my fate.