Chapter 6

Shoulder to shoulder we lay, hot with sweat, drinking in the salty, sweet smell of sex, although my head pounded fit to bust and my leg felt as if it had touched the sun, my body was warmly enclosed in the aftermath of lust, l relished the dizzy cushion.

“You know cowboy l promised myself l wouldn’t do this again,”

l was totally astonished, completely taken by surprise at this gem of information, in fact l was speechless to think that the girl, who was as feisty and demanding in the sack as out had taken some kinda vow of celibacy, my silence prompted her further,

“No more randoms that’s what l promised myself, an now look at me,”

l would have done just that, but l didn’t possess the strength or where with all to even move my head, the softness of the bed, with it’s big, downy quilt and comfy pillows drained the last ounce of energy from my sated body, as my eyelashes fluttered, welcoming the waiting sandman, l just needed to ask one question,

“What’s a random?”

“You cowboy you’re a random,” l was none the wiser, “hey,” she poked at my shoulder, “don’t you go to sleep, you may still be concussed,”

Didn’t she ever stop issuing orders…l must ask her what her name is.

“Lady, l aint concussed l’m f…ked,” l advised behind closed lids, the sudden movement of the mattress and her burst of laughter forced me to see what she was up to, she scrambled over me, the punctuation marked flashed before my eye’s, long after she had left the room the sound of her laughter stayed with me, to drift away in a haze of fast moving flashes of colour and slow closing gates, distant sounds of soft music pulled me down…

‘Welcome to the Hotel California, it’s a lovely place’

Is that where l am? l asked myself, it was my last thought.

Coffee, the aroma of hot coffee and again the sound of the girls giggling, roused my senses, how long had l been asleep, why had she been standing there all the time laughing at me? no, no she must have gone to make the coffee, the dull chink of china meeting with wood prompted me to roll on to my back, push myself up and settle my shoulders against the head of the bed, scrubbing one hand over my face l gratefully reached for the mug, without taking note of anything else, l pulled it from it’s resting place and took a sip, it was strong, hot and black just what l needed, the pungent brew jerked at my senses and finally somewhat more focused l turned my attention to the ever present female.

The first thing that struck me was that the silken garment which l thought to be a ‘catapult’ most definitely wasn’t, the second was that apart from my pants and shirt, the gal was wearing my clothes, several daubs of wet on the sleeves, collar and front gave credence to her effort of cleaning up my jacket which was now draped over her shoulders, my hat was perched precariously on the back of her head, as to bring it further forward would have rendered her sightless, whilst my gun belt was equally precariously clinging to her slim but curvy hips, the holster hanging well below her knee, l had to admit she made a fetching sight, as l blew across the top of my mug, l and my body wondered if she was preparing me for a second round, the beaming grin on her face seemed to suggest that she was gonna give me a succour punch, and she did, right on the nose.

“You’re Joseph Francis Cartwright…Little Joe, that’s who you are,” she smugly announced.

The slurp of coffee that l was just about to take never made it to my mouth, my hand shook dispelling splashes of the hot liquid onto my bare chest, she rescued the mug, easily removing it from my jellied fingers and replaced it onto the bedside table…grabbing at a small white packet she pulled moist cloths from out of the centre, wiped my chest and laid fresh cloths on top of the reddening batches.

“Boy do you need a keeper,”

“STOP SAYING THAT,”

l pushed her hand from me, l didn’t mean to yell, she leaped away from the bed, almost stumbling over backwards the gun belt fell with a loud clonk to her feet and my jacket slipped from her shoulders, as l had figured the hat covered her eyes and nose, she flung it from her head, her angry gesture did very little to disguise the look of abashed disappointment that clouded her pretty face, she made me feel even more of a heel than l already felt, as if l had slapped her full in the face.

“My, my but haven’t we woken up in a bit of a strop,”

l patted the bed and grinned an apology, bringing my ace in the hole into play, the well used sad, puppy dog look, it worked as always.

“Look l’m sorry, you’ve been nothing else but kind and neighbourly…”

“Neighbourly,” she repeated the twinkle returning to her toffee coloured eye’s, “what kind neighbours you got back there in Nevada?”

“Well,” l grinned scratching the top of my head , l moved myself to sit upright “ l guess more than just neighbourly…anyhow where did…who…how did you come about that expression?”

It was her turn to scratch at her head, a puzzled look swept across her face then she shrugged and handed me my coffee,

“You think you can manage this now?” l countered her words of sarcasm with an exaggerated eye roll, “don’t really know, guess l’ve always said it, l can remember my mum using it, an even my nan…why?…how come it pressed your buttons?”

Silently l finished the drink, my mind back on the Ponderosa, they must have started dinner without me, Pa would be fuming, Hoss would be my defence counsel and Adam, Adam as always would be gloating, having once again been proved right that l was as usual unable to complete the simplest of tasks, and could not ever be trusted to ride into town to collect the mail; l guessed they wouldn’t even bother looking for me, well not till the morning when they found that l hadn’t come home all night.

‘Boy, do you need a keeper,’…’Boy, do you need a keeper,’…’Boy, do you need a keeper,’

It wasn’t given as a question, the rich deep toned voice echoed in my ears, and for the very first time l wanted to scream out my agreement…

‘Yes, yes l do’.

Clinging tightly to the warm mug, l lay my head back against the wall, squeezing my eyes tight shut to stem the tears, to cease the quivering of my chin l bit down hard into my lower lip.

A sharp stab of pain brought me back to this unreal reality, l heard her apology as she ceased with the tapping on my quilt covered, wounded leg, l guess she felt sorta responsible for me, her eyes now carried a worried look, l stared back at her unable to speak, the lump in my throat that l was heaving on prevented me from doing much of anything.

“Hey, l know what about something to eat, you hungry?”

Whether it was just to change the subject or she really was hungry l couldn’t tell, food l thought of any kind was the last thing on my mind, my stomach though growled loudly in disagreement.

“l’ll take that as a yes then shall l?”

Giving a halfhearted nod of agreement it dawned on me that not only did l have nothing more than a few dollars in my pocket…l had nothing at all on my body, which in any man’s or woman’s language could cause some kind of a problem, figured l best come straight out with it..

“Honey, it’s like this unless you got a store of vittles laid in, first l aint hardly appropriately dressed for stepping out an second l’m right sorry l’m down to my last few dollars,”

“Well then let me tell you, Mr Random, Little Joe Cartwright, first just because we got up close and personal and swapped some body fluids don’t mean l expect you to buy me dinner, and second you never heard of take-away…no course you haven’t, living in your cave in the wilds of Nevada with your sexual, friendly neighbours, you lot are no way abreast with high society and something as outlandish as cooked food delivered to the door”.

Now it was my turn to be taken aback, and as much as l believed l was being smart mouthed, it was kinda wasted on me, for one thing l had to know what she was talking about, l felt l ought to tell her but decided against it, figuring she was probably the only person who could help me out of this bizarre situation, and l sure needed help, so there was little or no reason in alienating my only point of contact…l opted for funny, or l hoped funny.

“Sister we aint even got a door,”

She tried hard, very hard to keep a straight face, as did l, finally we both lost it, all laughed out we both mopped the tears from her eyes, and wiped our faces, she then informed me that we were having something called a pizza, l shrugged and said OK but thought l woulda liked to have known a piece a what?

“Cowboy, give thanks it’s a beautiful plastic world…don’t tell me no plastic in the cave either,”

She left the room laughing at her own joke, it didn’t come as any surprise to me when l heard her in conversation with herself, until that is she walked back into the room holding a hand against her ear and seemingly talking into it, l knew it was rude to stare but l couldn’t help myself.

Hi Jesus how ya doing, hows the baby…. same as, same as…sure…same as usually…how’dya like it?

It took me a moment to realise she was now talking to me she repeated the question…

“Hey cowboy howd’ya like it?”

My moments of total, numbing blankness of thought and non-understanding were becoming much to common…l couldn’t believe that she was talking about the same thing l was thinking about, l settled for, as it comes, it seemed to satisfy her, she returned to her hand, as she talked she walked back and forth.

Don’t be so cheeky, l’m a paying client you know, show some respect…yeah, yeah as you say something on the side…buffalo wings, that’ll do it no wait, yeah a six pack…hang on l’ll get my card.

It beat me what part of the buffalo could be called it’s wings, but my head was still aching and l couldn’t be bothered to dwell upon it, the conversation drifted into the other room, l could hear her calling out a list of numbers,

“That won’t be long those guys are fast at Domino’s” she advised as she returned to the bedroom.

Now she had me worried, as if l didn’t have enough problems, these guys that were coming calling bringing domino’s, for her sake as well as mine l really didn’t want them to find me lounging naked in her bed, what exactly was going to happen was beyond me but whatever it was l wanted to be fully clothed, the only thing l was certain of was that domino’s weren’t really my game, if it had been checkers now, l would have had more confidence.

“l’m gonna need my clothes, it wouldn’t be right iffun the guys…”

“What guys?”

The boot now was on the other foot, why was she questioning me about something she had arranged.

“The guys, the fast guys with the domino’s…”

“Oh, well there is usually only one guy and he won’t be hanging around, so don’t fret, anyway your clothes are hardly finished yet,”

“Finished, what you mean finished?”

“In the machine,”

“In the machine?” l repeated hoping that she would add to her explanation, she didn’t

“Yes,”

For a while now a humming noise was coming from the other room, although it couldn’t be called a disturbance, it’s continual whirring was niggling at me as to what it was.

“What’s making that noise?” curiosity had to be fed.

She had taken it upon herself that this was a good time to tidy the room, dressed in her sarong, which suited her far better than it did me, she stopped pushing various garments into various cupboards and drawers, stood upright listening, tilting her head to one side, she reminded me of a young deer that had suddenly caught a sound or scent, then stood motionless just before fleeing to safety.

“The machine,” again her answer was no more helpful, she returned to her chores.

“Oh…is that the same machine my clothes are in?”

“You got it,”

“Will they be all right?”

“What do you mean all right, l put them on a eco wash followed by a rinse, spin and tumble, how more right can they be, if it’s OK for my stuff, it’s OK for yours”.

I wished l hadn’t asked, another sound more of a frenzied, buzzing, like a large trapped insect hastened her to the other room,

“OK, sure come on up,”

Taking her lead l quickly straightened the bed covers and pillows and sat myself more up right, but l still didn’t feel totally comfortable, l heard a door open then close, nervously l fidgeted with the needlepoint cushion, to my surprise and relief she returned to the room alone, carrying a large, flat box, and a small paper bag, she placed both items on the bed, a warm, pleasant aroma of tomato and cheese and something l couldn’t identify assailed my nostrils, my stomach gurgled and growled it’s appreciation.

“Don’t start without me”, she called as she left the room immediately returning with two cans, she handed me one, l waited till she opened hers then followed suit, the beer was icy cold and refreshing.

Flipping open the lid on the big box released another rush of the appetising smell, it also made me realise how hungry l was, the large flat round delicacy was indeed a combination of tomato and cheese, and whatever else that was added to it that was making my mouth water, taking a large bite, l was in heaven, l closed my eyes to further appreciate a taste that was totally new to me, a taste that was twice as good as it smelled.

We ate in silence, taking enjoyment from the feast, she was half way through a slice, when she swallowed, licked her fingers then used her tongue to flick across her reddened lips,

“This,” she advised “is the only way to eat pizza, in bed or on the floor, don’t you agree?”

“Sure,” l mumbled l was positive l would have enjoyed it sitting in the middle of the prairie on the back of a steer or in fact where ever we had chosen to eat it, but my mouth was full and l couldn’t say much more after all Pa had taught me some ‘table’ manners.

The reflection of the doughnut man caught my eye, spluttering l tried to halt the laughter rising up in my throat, it was useless, just in time she handed me a napkin fashioned out of paper,

She asked why l now found the picture amusing, l told her it reminded me of my brother, how come she asked, because he loves doughnuts l told her, then she said it’s a good job you didn’t bring him with, as she didn’t have any doughnuts, and there is not enough pizza to go round, why we were both giggling like school kids l didn’t know but we were, it’s OK l told her coz he don’t like cheese anyway, this revelation only added to our growing hysteria, how about the buffalo wings then she asked as she popped open the small bag and emptied a bunch of fried chicken wings beside the remaining slices, of pizza, the sight of the wings heightened my histrionics, almost choking, l started to beat the bed with my clenched fists, you’re so right l agreed if he were here there’d be no buffalo left let alone the wings, barely able to speak she almost screamed with laughter, by the time you stop beating up my bed there wont be any anyway, there starting to take flight, she flopped backwards unable to sit upright, whilst l suffering from the same self inflicted condition had slid right down onto the flat of my back, and there we both lay until breathing in gulps of air trying to compose ourselves, this achieved we returned once more to silent food reverence, after both taking long slugs of beer we made short work of said wings…

“Come on cowboy, help me out here?”

But l was beat, full to the brim, finishing the dregs in the beer can, l watched, amazed she would have given Hoss a run for his money, moistening her finger tips with the tip of her tongue she daubed them in the traces of sauce then sucked contentedly on the sticky digits, giving a loud sigh of resignation she then set about the last wing and the final slice, first peeling off a long sliver of toasted cheese, holding it delicately between finger and thumb she tipped her head back and slowly eased the thread of cheese into her open mouth, l wondered if she realised what she was doing to me, vivid memories of days and nights spent in another bed where l was introduced to the erotic combination of sexual dining…these thoughts of course triggered memories of home and the Ponderosa, would l ever see my home or family again, l wouldn’t, couldn’t dwell on such negative thinking, l got here somehow so somehow l could get back…there must be away…there’s gotta be a way,

“Penny for ’em”, my reverie was interrupted, but my thoughts were too raw to share, l just grinned and noted that the box lid was closed so l guessed the grazing was over, “you seemed to be in another world, or are you just sorry about missing the party?”

Her question furrowed my brow,

“What party?”

“Duh…the party you got dressed up as ‘Little Joe’ for, what else, was it a Western party or just regular fancy dress? …you know there may still be time most of the parties l get to go to sometimes last for days,”

l let her chatter on my mind intent on figuring out what exactly had happened, how everything had suddenly and dramatically changed, the more l thought on it, the more l came to realise that she must know something otherwise how come she knew my name, she must know me and if so maybe, just maybe she knows or she can tell me what to do… her last couple of words brought me back to the present, desperate for cover l pulled the quilt almost up over my head.

“Your mother,” the words squeaked from my now dry throat,”

“ She’s not here you dork, l said my mum would be ecstatic if she were here, there’s no doubt you are a dead ringer,”

“A dead ringer?”

“For Little Joe, it’s uncanny, eerie, even scary how much you look like him, lord my mum had the hots for you, you don’t think that sorta thing of your parents do you? She once told me what fantasies she had about what you could do to her and what she would do to you, at the time l thought it pretty gross, disgusting even, but now…”

As l listened l prayed for elder brothers logical brain and analytic train of thought…l had no problem with her mother obviously having sexual thoughts about me, the older woman l had always held a soft spot for, l felt comfortable in there company, didn’t much take to having the words gross and disgusting pointed in my direction but l couldn’t deal with that now.

l had never seen the gal before today and now apart from her knowing who l am she says her ma knows me, l had to ask her straight out even just to stem her flow of continual chatter, l also thought it was high time l knew the gals name.

“It really wasn’t till just recently l was comfortable with parents and sex but they had to didn’t they or they wouldn’t be parents, unless they adopted of course, but l knew l wasn’t…”

“What do l call you?”

“Betty,”

“Betty, l know that l have never laid eye’s on you before today so how come you know me but l don’t know you from Adam?”

I got a look of complete astonishment, as if l asked her to calculate the number of stars in the sky,

“Cowboy are you kidding me, of course you don’t know me from Adam, but l know you from Adam he always dressed in black, an your not quite the same build, course you’re nearer to him than Hoss, even with a big white Stetson you’d never pass for Hoss, and as for Ben…am l right in thinking that it’s a look-a-like bash you were off to”.

Stunned speechless, l felt the blood blanched from my face l must have given her cause to worry, she placed a hand on my leg and asked if l was OK, l couldn’t speak, so just gave a slow nod, every drop of saliva and moisture in my mouth had dried to dust, l couldn’t swallow, l knew l would have to as the swirling and roiling in my abdomen was driving the contents of my stomach upward, she obviously took my look of shock for disbelief, hang about, hang about, she ordered, as if l was even likely to go anywhere, l got something to show you, wipe your hands on those tissues, l don’t want any sticky fingers near this little treasure, as she made to a door on the other side of the room, l in a trance like state did as l was summoned to do, l could hear her rummaging about in what appeared to be a small closet, irritated heavy breathing interrupted her pulling and dragging, finally…

“Eureka!!..l hope you wiped your hands?”

She double checked on her instructions, silently l nodded, she then sat down beside me on the bed, l wondered what ‘little treasure’ she was desperate for me to see, l had a horrible premonition this was not going to be something to my liking, she placed a small, faded picture into my hand,

“What do you think of that then?” she asked with relish and no small degree of pride.

The faces moved as my hand began to tremble, but there was no doubt in my mind who four of the five faces belonged to, there staring up at me, smiling, arms clasped over each others shoulders, l had no idea who the small, pretty woman, with her arms clasped around the waists of the men either side of her was…looking back at me their eyes fixed, staring as much as mine were staring down at them, were four cowboys, my two brothers, my Pa and myself.

A cold shiver pokered my spine, Betty steadied my shaking hand,

“l know how you feel it gets you don’t it,” she gave a soft, sad sigh, “l haven’t looked at it for ages but it always gets me right there,”

The slight movement l felt l presumed was Betty placing a hand over her heart, l don’t know l didn’t look, l couldn’t look, my eyes were transfixed on the smiling faces, my belly gurgled its discontent, l thought my mouth would remain dry forever, but gradually moisture returned, l pushed the hot acrid bile back down my throat.

“That’s my great aunt Betty in the middle, it’s sad isn’t it to think that none of them are with us any longer,”

“With us?” l managed a croaked response, barely audible, breathed on a gasped whisper l repeated the words, “with us?”

Somehow l pulled my eyes from the faces and stared hard at the girl beside me, waiting for the reply l didn’t want to hear, gently she took the picture from me and tenderly as if stroking a sleeping babies cheek she moved one finger across the surface touching each face in turn,

“Yes, all gone now, no more…”

That did it, my stomach pitched, l threw myself out of the bed a hand clamped firmly to my mouth, l had no idea where to flee to, her shout of ‘on the right’ propelled me to a small room, collapsing on my knees in front of what l hoped was the correct receptacle, l somehow safely delivered the contents of my stomach into the water filled basin, the retching continued until l was able to sit on my haunches without any re-occurrence.

Sitting, naked, cold and trembling on a strange floor, in a strange room, l covered my face with my hands…l sobbed for my family, l sobbed for myself, l sobbed for my life, a dreadful fear took a hold of me, griping and tearing at my soul, not a fear of death for that l had faced many times, the fear of death, no, for was l not already dead, a heart wrenching fear of life, a fear of this life before me, no family, no brothers, no Pa, the all encompassing fear of living and dying alone, the fear that had haunted many a night mare was it now, in this place, as far away from the Ponderosa as l could never have imagined, was it now somehow going to become a reality.