Summary: When Joe arrived in Savannah to be Clay’s best man he never knew he’d be running for his life after contracting yellow fever. Now home, he recounts the terrifying details to his family.

Rating T, WC 47,230

---

 

In This Life

 

“Let the world stop turning, let the sun stop burning, let them tell me love’s not worth going through.  If it all falls apart I will know deep in my heart, the only dream that mattered had come true.  In this life I was loved by you.”

(Song: In This Life, lyrics by Mike Reid and Allen Shamblin)

 

The stagecoach rocked back and forth, and with it the desert heat lulled Joe Cartwright into an exhausted sleep.  It was now the last leg of his journey back to the home of his birth, the home of his father and brothers.  But, his unexpectedly long trip away from the Ponderosa had challenged his heart to what that one word, “home” had really meant all along.  For twenty one years he had been known as rancher Ben Cartwright’s youngest son and kid brother to both Adam and Hoss.  His name, Joseph Francis Cartwright, had been chosen before his birth by both Ben and Marie Cartwright; and even his nickname of “Little Joe” had been decided by his brothers and had been beyond his own control.  That name had just stuck over the years, and though he was no longer a child, some people still used the term as a reminder of a younger version of the man Joseph Cartwright had become.

A woman seated next to her husband, opposite Joe inside the stage, couldn’t help but to gaze upon the sleeping young man and notice his striking features.  Even with his tan Stetson dipped down to shade his eyes, Joe’s handsome and well chiseled face made the lady take notice.  Unfortunately, the portly man seated at her side also noticed her sly smile as she continued to inventory Joe Cartwright’s build.  Her husband coughed loudly and shot a stern gaze at his wife, dropping one of his flabby arms around the lady’s shoulder.  It was a warning, and she knew it and appropriately drew a fan from her handbag and waved away the increasing heat inside of the coach.

Joe sat oblivious to what had transpired between the other passengers inside of the stage, his subconscious mind caught in a whirling vortex of activity.  So much had happened, enough sorrow to fill a lifetime and all in only the space of six months.  Joe felt as though he was no longer the same person who had bid a fond goodbye to his family that sunny day in June.  He could still remember the faces of both Hoss and Adam as they had waved their hats at the train station in Carson City.  The send- off had been jubilant, as the trip ahead was to be a celebration, and not the total tragedy which it later became.  Even in slumber Joe could see in his mind’s eye the man standing closer to the steps of the locomotive.  Pa had been the last family member to give him a hug and a smile before the train’s whistle announced it was readying to pull out of the station.  Joe remembered telling his father not to worry at all.  He had assured Pa that everything would be fine; just fine.  If only his words had made it up to heaven they might not have come back to haunt Joe on his return trip.  Nothing was “fine” anymore.

***************************

Ben Cartwright sat patiently on the well- worn bench just outside of the Overland Stage Depot.  To look at the white haired man, and to notice the calm demeanor he wore, a passerby never would suspect that Ben’s youngest son was coming in on the noon stage.  At any other time, Ben would’ve been pacing back and forth anxiously awaiting the arrival of the young man; the boy with the laughter, the kid who had been born with more than his share of heart and soul and devilishly good looks.  But, this time it was different.  This time the words wouldn’t come without much deliberation on their effect on his son.  Joseph would be suffering, that was a given.  Ben had spent many sleepless nights, since he had received his son’s long tear-stained letter, wondering what he could do for Joe once he found his way back to home and hearth.  Though he was a man who stood stoically firm in his belief in a higher power, Ben had seen more than his share of grief and was beginning to run out of pep talks when it came to tragedies; especially those that affected his sons.

****Lord knows Joseph has seen more tragedies in his first twenty one years than I had when I was his age****Ben thought to himself. ****I know I can’t make this any easier for you, Joseph—but I can be here—be your father—help hold you up until you can shoulder it on your own.****

With no more time for self reflection, the noon stage appeared making its last turn on C Street towards the depot.  Ben Cartwright stood and squared his strong shoulders.  He knew there would be a time for talking and a time for tears, and also a time for explanations, but that Joseph would convey which forum was needed at that moment just by the way he looked into his father’s eyes.  Pete Wilson came out from behind his desk inside the ticket office and headed directly for the stagecoach.  He set down the wooden steps and opened the door to assist the departing passengers.  Ben watched as a portly fellow came down the stairs first, quickly followed by a woman who that man hurriedly hustled away.  Ben watched confusion painting his face as he noticed that the couple had not even called up for their luggage before heading down the sidewalk towards one of the local hotels.

“Some folks—always a hurrying—” Pete muttered, more to himself than to the waiting father standing next to him.  “Henry, toss down those folk’s luggage and I’ll take it to them in a little while if’n they don’t come for it themselves.”

The driver reached down towards Pete and handed the man two suitcases and then called inside to Joe.

“Hey—Little Joe—what—you asleep in there?”  Henry laughed, wondering why the young man had yet to step out of the stage and retrieve his luggage.

Joe drew in a deep breath and prepared to come out of the cramped quarters.  He had not  looked out of the window to see if Pa was waiting on him out in front of the depot; he just knew.  Joe backed out of the stage’s door and turned around once he made it to solid ground.

****Keep it together Joe—-keep it together—-at least for now****Joe coaxed himself internally, before his eyes met those of his pa.

“Joseph—,” Ben said, his voice betraying his fight for self control.  When he looked into the hazel orbs it took his breath away. ****Marie’s eyes—Marie’s boy—my boy—my son—oh Joseph!****Ben’s eyes surveyed the damage of the passing six months.  Joseph looked so skinny, or was he imagining it?  Didn’t he get any sun at all?  Why was his complexion so off colored?  Where was the tan skinned bright eyed young man who had left home only to fall into a world of trouble so far away?****

“Good—to see you, Pa,” Joe broke the burgeoning silence.  He could tell that Pa was examining him with his eyes and finding some tale-tell signs of what life had been like outside the safety of the Ponderosa.

****Wait Ben—-wait until later—you’ve got to control the damage—-he’s okay—just lost a few pounds—he will be okay—-needs some rest—yes rest and good food and his family.  Don’t let him see it in your eyes!**** Ben pleaded with himself silently.

“The–uh—the buckboard—it’s just over next to the mercantile—-let me help you with your bags,” Ben turned away from his son abruptly in order to stop the impulse; an impulse growing stronger by the minute.  He wanted to pull his son to his chest and just hold on and thank God the boy was home.

Joe took his two carpet bags, one in each hand and allowed his father to take the one extra package that had been specially wrapped for the trip west.  They walked side by side over to the mercantile and loaded the luggage into the back of the wagon.  Ben made his way to the driver side of the buckboard and watched as Joe slowly climbed up to the bench seat next to him.  Tapping the reins loosely, Ben sent the team of horses out of Virginia City and back towards the Ponderosa Ranch.

*****************************

As the rock laden mountains, where silver miners dug their shafts beyond the light of day, gave way to lush green forests, both Cartwrights knew that they were finally deep in Ponderosa country, and the first meaningful words between both father and son were spoken.

“I’ve missed you,” Ben whispered, and pulled the buckboard to a full stop.

Joe, still avoiding his father’s brown eyes, looked down to the foot board and replied, “I missed you too—Pa.”

“Do you want to go up there?”  Ben asked.

Joe simply nodded, and brushed back the couple of  tears which had escaped his eyes, in spite of his efforts to hold in his grief.  He knew exactly what his pa was asking of him.  Pa somehow knew, but then again, Pa always knew.

Ben tapped the reins again and, instead of moving the team towards the road which led to the main house, he turned the wagon up the incline to a clearing that overlooked Lake Tahoe.  The buckboard clamored up the narrowing pathway until huge Ponderosa pines stood in a semi-circle to reveal a patch of blue coming through a thicket of wild flowers and heavy shrubbery.  Ben pulled back the team of horses and stared over at his silent passenger.

“Want some company?”  Ben asked, as Joe stepped down from the wagon seat.

“No—I won’t be long,” Joe replied, his voice just above a whisper.  He walked hesitantly at first, then picking up pace, he disappeared from his father’s view.

*****************************

Marie Cartwright had been deceased for more than sixteen years, but her memory had always lived on in the hearts of the family she left behind.  Her grave site had been chosen by her beloved husband Ben, as a place where they had spent long afternoons in the happy days when the Ponderosa had become a permanent home to his two boys, himself, and his new bride.  Later, they had taken the two growing children along with the infant known as “Little Joe” up to that very spot for picnics.  No longer a place of merriment, it was now sacred ground.  The tombstone had become a shrine to the woman with bright green eyes and flowing beige-blonde hair and a love for life and laughter.  Ben had been up to Marie’s grave more times than he could remember as had each of his sons.  Perhaps the most frequent visitor had been, in fact, Joseph Cartwright, who would always mark changes in his life, both good and bad, by communing with his mother in tearful soliloquies.  This would be one of those times.

Joe bent down to remove a few wild flowers from the thinning overgrowth high atop the overlook.  If he had been thinking a little more clearly, he would’ve wondered how the flowers had bloomed so late in the season.  The month of December was only a few days away, and rarely were there any flora close by to use as a token of his love to place on his mother’s grave that late in the year.  Nevertheless he had enough to hold in the palm of his left hand as he moved in closer to the granite headstone and knelt down.

“Wish I had more to bring you,” Joe whispered, and placed the small bouquet upon Marie’s grave.  He removed his hat and held it to his chest while sweeping away his tears with his other hand.  “I’m so sorry, Ma—-so sorry—-I couldn’t bring him with me,” Joe confessed and closed his eyes tightly, trying to force the memories back inside where they belonged.  It was a futile gesture.  He was haunted, perhaps he would always be haunted now.

****You see that’s not just a picture of a beautiful woman, Joe.  She was my mother too.****The words echoed in Joe’s mind, his brother’s words, words he would never hear again.

Joe reached inside his green corduroy jacket and produced a closed locket.  With shaky fingers he opened the sentimental piece of memorabilia and stared down at Marie Cartwright’s portrait.  That particular, and very greatly treasured, object had been out of his personal possession for a long time.  Joe wished a thousand times over that the picture was still where he had placed it three years prior.  Joe had pushed it into the palm of someone very special, and relinquished possession of it.  Little Joe had also urged the man to make a wishful pledge that he would someday re-enter his life.

“He didn’t want to be here, Mama—-his heart was somewhere else—but I guess you know that now,” Joe conceded and placed the locket back inside his jacket.  Pulling himself to standing again, Joe felt as though he had the entire world on top of his shoulders and mentally was buckling under the weight of it all.  He closed his eyes and prayed that his mother would someday understand what had transpired over the last six months.  Joe begged her to forgive him. He wanted forgiveness for things which weren’t under his control, though he continued to blame himself for the tragedies which seemed to follow him like an unseen shadow.  If he had been the only one who had suffered, Joe could more easily have borne it.  But, in his exhaustion and because of the trauma he had endured, Joe had begun to think he was the cause for any and all tragedies that had happened since the day he had drawn his first breath.

Ben couldn’t stand in the background any longer.  He had done his best to abide by his son’s wishes, and allow him to go to Marie’s grave unaccompanied, but worry had seeped in when the young man had yet to come back down the path.  After securing the horses’ reins, Ben jumped down from the wagon and headed up the hill.  By the time Joe came into view, the anxious father was glad he had listened to his heart.  His son had moved past the granite marker and was leaning against one of the tall pine trees, his face covered by his right arm.  Joe’s earlier forced demeanor had broken down and he was sobbing into the sleeve of his jacket.  Ben’s heart broke as well.  He took a moment to glance at his wife’s headstone and said a silent prayer for her assistance, then Ben made his move towards their child.

“Joseph–”Ben began, and placed a hand tenderly on his son’s shoulder.  “I know you’ve got to be exhausted from your trip—and all that you’ve gone through.  You don’t have to handle this yourself any more—-I’m here now—let me help you.”

“I–I wanted to bring him back—for her—” Joe cried, and indicated towards his mother’s grave.  “I failed in every way possible, Pa.”

Ben positioned himself closer to his son and with a little coaxing was able to pull Joe to his chest.  Joe, consumed with grief and pain, let his hat fall from his hand and wrapped both of his arms around his father and buried his face against his strong chest.  He wept.

“You didn’t fail anyone, Son.  I know what you did—what you tried to do—and no-one could have done any more than you did,” Ben continued to console his son, affectionately sweeping his right hand through Joe’s abundance of  brown hair.  The boy’s curls were becoming wild, and were misplaced and windswept due to the impending storm brewing from the east.  Ben could see that he was dealing with two very different kinds of tempests; one was of nature and clouds were dipping down towards the lake turning its water a darker shade of blue than usual.  The other was coming from his son’s heart and mind and it was just as threatening as the approaching storm clouds and most assuredly a tempest that was bound to be longer in duration.

“Y-You don’t know—Pah—you don’t know what happened—only what I told you in my letters.  There’s so much more—so much,” Joe stuttered, as glimpses of the past ransacked his thoughts, scattering them everywhere and making the process of coherent explanation impossible.

Ben placed his right hand underneath his son’s chin and forced his gaze.  “There’s plenty of time to talk this out, Joseph.  And we will—but, right now, I’m just so thankful that you’re here—and you’re safe—and you’re back home,” Ben whispered.

****Home.  Home of my father, home of my brothers—my brothers.  Home.****Joe thought to himself and closed his eyes again.  He would allow himself to stay there, held in his father’s protective arms for a few more minutes, and then that form of shelter would be gone and he would be left a prisoner to his thoughts.  Haunted thoughts.  The same haunting images were sure to resume.  Joe was as sure of that fact as he was in the fact that Pa was the only person in the entire world who would believe what he had to tell him later; once they were alone.

Ben released his grip on his son and felt Joe’s arms going lax.  He knew the boy was spent, physically and emotionally.  Whipping winds were swaying the pine trees as Ben Cartwright took one final glance back at his wife’s headstone and said a silent “thank you” to her.  He could feel her smiling back at him, theirs was a connection that had transcended death.  She wanted Joseph home too, and Ben agreed.  Bending down he retrieved the boy’s tan hat and handed it to him.

“Let’s get back to that buckboard before those crazy nags take off with the first bolt of lightning,” Ben urged, and watched his son’s gaze shoot towards the granite marker one final time before nodding his head.  Together father and son made their way back to the buckboard and on towards the Ponderosa Ranch house.

****************************

Ben tried his best not to stare too hard at his son’s face as their journey continued to the ranch house.  There was just something that wasn’t quite right in his complexion.  He wondered if it was due to the disease Joe had contracted while he was in Savannah with Clay.

Joe had noticed Pa’s eyes darting back and forth trying his best not to look so obvious with his inspection.  He knew what his father was trying to ascertain though he was casting his glances in a covert manner.

“They call it Yellow Jack, Pa,” Joe whispered and dropped his head down.  “That’s why I look like I do.  I’ve still got a touch of it.”

Ben had heard of yellow fever and how it could be deadly depending on the severity of the case.  He had already asked Doctor Paul Martin to come by the ranch house once his son was home and settled in order to make his own diagnosis.

“Nothing you can’t get over, Joseph.  But you do look tired.”

“Darned mosquitoes, they’re as big as hummingbirds, Pa.  It’s a God forsaken place down there,” Joe responded.  He had tried to sound humorous but his attempt had failed.  “I don’t think that I’m contagious — or I wouldn’t have come home.”

Ben pulled the buckboard to a sudden stop.  He reached over for his son’s arm and forced his gaze on him.  “Joseph, even if you were contagious I’d want you here with me.  You’ve been away far too long.  I’d have come after you but you were on the run and I had no way to contact you until you sent that wire from Atlanta.  You scared me to death, Boy.”

Joe shook his head as tears formed in his eyes over the way his Pa was looking over at him now.  He could read the worry and the love all over the man’s face.  Joe tried to talk but he began to cough and found that he couldn’t stop.

Ben hastily reached underneath the bench seat and retrieved the canteen.

“Drink some water,” He urged.

Joe held up his hand as the coughing finally eased up.  “Pa, it’s best I don’t drink from that just in case you want some before we make it home.  I mean — that doctor said he “thought” that I’m no longer contagious – but I don’t want to chance you getting — um – well — I can wait,” Joe attempted to get his point across though he was fumbling over his words due to his fears.

Pa forced the canteen into his son’s hands.  “I said drink!” He insisted sternly.

Joe drew in a deep breath, unsure over whether he should obey his father’s command or not.  “Only if you go on and take a drink first, Pa.  Then we’ll just ask Hop Sing to give it a good cleaning once we’re home,” Joe said and handed the canteen back to Pa.

Ben shook his head at his son’s persistence and managed a tired smile.  He pulled the canteen up to his lips and drank a few sips of water and then handed it back over to his boy again.  “Satisfied?” Pa asked, raising his eyebrows in gesture.

Joe nodded and then upturned the canteen, drinking as though he’d been stranded in the desert for weeks.  Ben watched as his son almost completely emptied the entire contents in the span of just two minutes.

Joe closed his eyes and felt a bit of a chill come over him.  He hoped it was due to the whipping winds that were shooting out from in between the pines that surrounded them at the time.  Shaking the canteen, Joe could tell that he had just about polished off all of the water.  He felt a bit embarrassed as he handed it back to his father.

“Are you alright, Son?” Ben’s question came off laced with mounting concern over his son’s health.

“Sure, Pa – sure I am,” Joe tried his best to quell the very apparent worry spreading across his father’s face.

“You were thirsty,” Pa commented with a forced grin, attempting to hide how he was really feeling at the time.

Joe shrugged his shoulders and replied, “Yes, Sir, — that’s part of it – you know — the fever – they blame it on Jack.”

Ben settled his right arm across Joe’s shoulder and returned, “we’ll be home soon and we’ve got lots of good cool water there just waiting on you.”

Joe turned his face in the opposite direction suddenly.  He tried not to show his pa that he was wiping away his tears using the sleeve of his jacket.  Joe drew in a deep breath in order to try to gather himself a bit.  “I’m glad I’m home — I — I never thought that I’d ever see you again, Pa,” Joe confessed, his voice rife with latent emotion.  He had attempted to keep himself together, but now, in the compassionate company of his pa, he had given in to the reality that he was truly home and with the one person who knew him better than he knew himself.  It was what Joe had yearned for and dreamed of for so many months.

Ben fought back his own tears, though they still glistened in his eyes.  He had thought along those very same lines for months.  He had been so afraid that Joseph would die alone and so far away from the Ponderosa and all of those who loved the boy.

“You were always with me,” Pa insisted and pulled his son closer to him.

Joe’s body stiffened with fear at first, not wanting the interaction to happen.  He finally allowed himself to lean just a bit onto the shoulder which had been offered to him though he kept his face turned away from Pa.  Joe had almost forgotten what it was like to feel safe and loved.  For so many months he had been on foreign soil surrounded by people who considered him an outsider and later a carrier of a deadly disease.  He surrendered to the feel of his father’s arm around him and the protection he had freely offered.  Closing his eyes, Joe pretended for just a few minutes that he had never left home and ventured away from safety.

****You were always with me, Pa **** Joe thought to himself.  He couldn’t remember how many times he had cried out for his pa during the long days and nights that he had struggled to hide from all of those who had pursued him.  Nor could he recall how often he had thrashed his fevered head back and forth in bed while whispering that one word “pa”.

Ben cast a quick bewildered glance down at his son.  He couldn’t help but to notice that the boy had kept his head faced away from him and that Joe’s body felt very rigid there beneath his father’s arm.  Ben wondered just what was going through Joseph’s mind at the time.  His son had never felt uncomfortable with his father’s show of affection towards him.  Pa had always had a special bond with his youngest and he’d never felt awkward about showing the boy how he felt about him.  But now, however, it seemed to Ben that Joe was growing more uncomfortable just sitting there alongside of him.  He was just about to ask his son about it when Joe piped up.

“Stop, Pa,” Joe said and urged him to pull back on the reins and halt the buckboard’s progress right before they advanced into the front yard.

“What is it, Son?”

Joe’s piercing gaze fell on his father and his face showed worry lines on it.  “Pa – well — I’ve got to get a few things settled before we pull up and my brothers and Hop Sing come out and welcome me home,” Joe stammered apprehensively.  “I wanted to go to Ma’s grave by myself — not because I didn’t want you there — but because of what I was afraid would happen.  Pa — I didn’t want you to hold me like you did.  I didn’t even hear you approach until it was too late.”

A perplexed expression taking over his face, Ben stared over at his son.  Now he was beginning to worry that the months spent apart had damaged his relationship with the boy and he no longer wanted or needed the closeness that they had always shared.  He drew in a deep breath in order to get to the bottom of the statement that Joe had just made.  “Joseph, I haven’t got a clue what you’re talking about right now.”

“Pa — I shouldn’t get too close to you or any of my family for that matter.  I’m sorry — I let my guard down – I didn’t mean to.  If I accidentally put you at risk of catching what I have I’ll never forgive myself,” Joe apologized with fear very evident in his tone of voice.

Ben fought a smile when he finally realized why his son had seemed uncomfortable sitting next to him during the drive home.   **** You’re an old fool, Ben, to think Joe didn’t care – that the boy didn’t need you anymore. **** He thought to himself.  Witnessing the look on Joe’s face he got back to the reason he had halted the buckboard from pulling up into the yard.

“You’re not contagious!  Now stop this.  If you were you couldn’t have gotten on that train to start your journey home.”

“Pa — I kept my hat dipped down most of the time to shield my face – and I wore my riding gloves around the clock.  If anyone had spotted my skin being off-colored I’d have been thrown off of the train and the stage too!”

“Joseph,” Ben paused to choose his words a bit better.  “You’ve just got a hint of it in your complexion – hardly any to speak of.  Of course I noticed it because I’m your pa.  Just like I noticed that you need a haircut,” Pa smiled trying his best to put his son at ease.

“Pa – please?  Please just go along with this for now, will you?” Joe pleaded.

Ben sighed and asked, “what do you want me to do?”  He could read the panic that was increasing on Joe’s face and needed to appease him if only for the time being.

“Tell them all before I walk in that I won’t be shaking hands right now.  Maybe – if I’m better in a few weeks – or whenever –,” Joe trailed off.

“Doc will put your mind at ease tomorrow, Son.”

“Nobody knows, Pa!  Doctors keep changing their minds every other day about this.  Oh and people!  Yeah people treat you like you’re a darn leper if you’ve had Jack.  I’ve seen it up close!” Joe’s anger came out in his words and was also well written all over his face.

Ben studied his son’s countenance and realized that Joe was going back in his mind to what had happened while the boy had been with his brother Clay and all that he had endured during that time.

“Joseph, if it will ease your mind for tonight I’ll tell them all no handshakes, no bear hugs or the like.  Now is that it?”

“Will it be okay with you at supper that I sit at the end of the table with my back closest to the stairs?  I worry that if I happen to get a coughing fit – well – it’s just better if I can get right up.  And I’m gonna need Hop Sing to boil my place setting  — you know – silverware, cup, plate, after I use them.  Just to be safe, Pa.”

“Joseph, you’re not a leper you know?  You’ve just had a touch of –,”

Joe cut his father off.  “C’mon, Pa, — just go along with this.  If anything happens to any of you — well – I just can’t let that happen.  I already got too close to you –,” Joe trailed off again.

“When you were a year old and had the measles it was your Pa here who took care of you!  Your Ma couldn’t do it because she was sick at the time too.  I fed you I bathed you and I diapered you.  And through it all I NEVER got sick from the measles,” Ben forced a smile trying his very best to get his son to calm down.

“I just don’t want you — or anyone else to get sick on account of me,” Joe whispered fighting back tears.  His emotions were already raw due to how he had lost his brother.  Now just the thought that he might somehow be the cause of getting anyone else sick due to the disease he had battled for months scared him senseless and he couldn’t hide it any longer.

Ben sent the horses back into motion and replied, “when we pull up you go to the barn and see that crazy pinto of yours and I’ll bring in your things.  I’ll let everyone know how you want to handle all of this for right now.  But, I need a favor from you, Joseph.”

“What favor, Pa?”   Joe asked warily as he spied the barn coming into view.

Ben patted his son’s knee and grinned.  “Relax!”

“Sure, Pa,” Joe nodded over to him.

******************************

Ben pulled the buckboard up to the front hitching post and climbed down and watched as Joe did likewise.  Nodding over at Pa Joe turned towards the barn and headed inside to see his horse.

The mare pawed at the ground as her master approached the stall almost as if the horse had been expecting his return that day.

“Hey, Cochise – I’ve sure missed you!” Joe sang out and patted the pinto.  “Let me see how you look,” Joe stated and walked around the animal, checking her appearance.  “Not too bad – you sure are finer than any old horse that they’ve got down in Georgia that’s for sure!”

“Well if you like her that much then why in the heck didn’t you bring her something back with you?”

Joe turned towards the unexpected voice he had just heard.  He was surprised to see both of his brothers standing in the doorway of the barn.

“Better give her this, Little Brother!” Hoss sang out and tossed something over to where Joe stood leaning against the stall.

Joe smiled as he caught the carrot in the air.  “Good to see you two!  How have you been doing?” Joe asked as he offered Cochise the treat.

“Oh – not too well – right, Hoss?” Adam replied grinning.

“Yeah – that’s right – we’ve hardly been able to handle all of the peace and quiet these last six months.  It’s been right boring!  And poor Pa – yep – his hair is turning black – you know – just like it used to be before you wuz born, Joe!”

Joe laughed at the playful banter and it felt good, if only for a brief respite from the over shadowing grief that wouldn’t let go of him.

“I’ll just bet,” Joe answered and patted the pinto one final time.  “Let’s go on inside.”

When Joe noticed that his brothers hadn’t budged from the entrance to the barn it forced him to stop in his tracks.  “Go on – I’ll be right behind you,” Joe insisted not wanting to be pulled into a bear hug by Hoss or have Adam trying to shake his hand.

“Okay, Joe.  Pa told us – come on into the house and we’ll lead the way,” Adam said as both he and Hoss moved out of the doorway.

Hop Sing set the tray down onto the coffee table and turned to see the three brothers walking through the front door.  He smiled broadly and called over to Joe.

“Hop Sing miss you vely much, Little Joe!”

Joe pulled off his jacket, taking the time to remove the locket from where he had placed it earlier and settling it inside of his pants pocket.  He hung the jacket there above the credenza and then turned and smiled over at Hop Sing.   “I missed you too!”

Ben joined his family and as he came in from the kitchen with a coffee cup held in his hands it heartened him to see all three of his sons reunited at long last.

“You boys come over here.  Hop Sing has made us all some coffee and we’ll be eating in about an hour.”

Hop Sing returned to the kitchen to finish with dinner preparations while Hoss and Adam sat down in front of the fireplace.  Joe nervously eyed where everyone else was seated.  Pa was in his favorite red leather chair.  Adam was in the blue wing-backed chair to the right of him and Hoss was sitting on the settee.  He decided to go and sit in the middle of the hearth with his back facing the fireplace.

“Joseph – that can’t be very comfortable for you,” Pa called over to him.

“No, Pa – this is fine – I was a little cold anyway.”

Adam and Hoss exchanged concerned glances over their brother’s apparent fear of passing on something to them all.

Hoss reached over to the serving tray and began to fill the three cups.

“Oh – this is for you,” Ben reached over and handed Joe the cup and saucer he had brought into the room with him.  Joe accepted it and took a sip.  He scrunched up his face.

“What is this, Pa? It sure isn’t coffee!” Joe exclaimed.

Ben laughed at the face that his youngest had made.  “Hop Sing’s cure for whatever ails you.  Now drink it up or face the strong possibility that he won’t make you any dinner.”

Joe drew in a deep breath and tried to down the very potent tea.

“You don’t look sick to me, Little Joe,” Hoss tried to pretend that he hadn’t noticed the somewhat yellow cast to the skin there on his brother’s face nor the good amount of weight that he had lost.

“I’m okay – it’s just that –,” Joe stopped in mid-sentence as he began to cough.  It had come on him unexpectedly, forcing Joe to move from his position by the fireplace and head to the stairs.  He covered his mouth as he bent forward trying to stop coughing.  Pa had jumped up from his chair and neared his son in order to try and help him.  It was then that Joe’s free hand had shot out a warning sign for his father to stay back.

“Let me – just let me catch my breath – I’m okay, Pa,” Joe insisted between coughs.

Hop Sing had heard the sound in the living room and hurried in with a glass of water in his hand.  He held it out to Joe, who finally accepted it.

“You drink all up!” Hop Sing urged.

Joe nodded and sipped the water slowly as he tried to catch his breath.  The room fell so silent that they all could have heard a pin drop and all eyes in the room fell on Joe.

After several minutes, Joe’s coughing had abated and his face became a bit flushed with embarrassment.  “I’m sorry – didn’t mean to scare any of you.  It’s just something that comes and goes.  I’m fine.  Listen— I think I’ll go up to my room and get cleaned up a bit,” Joe tried to explain away one of the latent symptoms which had plagued him ever since he had gotten the fever months ago.  He turned toward Hop Sing.  “Hey – um – thanks for the tea and the water.  Could you just hold the cup and glass aside for me to use at dinner?  No need to have to go washing them until I’m done for the night.  Then – um – well – that one doctor I saw had said that it’s a good idea to boil whatever I use when I’m done with it.  I’m sorry to put you to extra work but –,” Joe trailed off again.  He realized that he had offered too much of an explanation than was needed at the time.  “I’ll be back after I get cleaned up a bit,” Joe said and without waiting for a response walked up the stairs to his bedroom.

“Kid’s got a heck of a cough there,” Adam remarked.

“Doc will be here tomorrow and we’ll know more then.  Joseph is terrified that he’s contagious but I rather doubt that he is.  But right now we’ll just do as he’s asked us to in order to get him to relax,” Ben replied and moved back over to his chair.  He couldn’t prevent his worry filled gaze as it tracked up to the top of the stairs.

Upon entering his bedroom, Joe’s eyes fell on his bed.  It just looked too inviting to pass up and he laid down on top of the comforter hoping to just rest a few minutes before scrubbing up for dinner.   After having laid there for a good thirty minutes Joe decided he’d better strip down some in order to wash up.   He removed his belt and then his boots when he heard a knock.  He made his way across the room and opened his door to find his father standing there in the hallway.

“Pa?  What is it?  I haven’t even begun to wash up – is dinner ready?”

Ben walked into the room and shot past his son.  He made his way to the wardrobe standing in the far corner next to Joe’s desk.  Pa opened it and pulled out a bathrobe.

“You get out of those clothes and put this on.  Hop Sing has your bath water ready.”

Joe frowned and replied, “Pa – I wasn’t planning on taking a bath – I was just gonna wash off a bit.”

“You heard me, Joseph.  You’ve probably inhaled a lot of trail dust down your lungs and it’s no doubt all over your clothes too.  Now get into this and come on downstairs,” Pa insisted and handed the robe over to the boy.

“Because I coughed?” Joe asked wearily.

“No – because I said so.  Have you been gone so long that you don’t remember how much I enjoy telling you what to do?” Pa made a vain attempt at humor in order to garner his son’s compliance.  The fact of the matter was that he was worried about Joe’s cough along with the knowledge that his son probably hadn’t had a good soak in a tub in a very long while.

Joe surrendered as he felt too weak to put up a fuss nor challenge his father.

“Yeah I remember, Pa.  I’ll be down in a minute.  I’ve got to get my clothes off and bring down something to put on when I get out of the tub.”

“Just get into your robe.  Hop Sing said he’d handle everything else.  I’ll be waiting out in the hall,” Ben said turning for the door.

Joe shook his head and called over to his father, “you know I CAN find my way to the tub all by myself, Pa!”

Ben cast a smile over at Joe as he reached for the door.  “I don’t trust you, now get moving!”

Joe knew that his father was killing two birds with one stone.  He evidently wanted Joe to take a bath in order to make him feel better.  Pa also wanted to rib him some to lift his spirits as well.  That part of the plan had worked because for just a few minutes Joe had felt like his old self.  But the dreadful reality of the situation hit him the moment that Joe undid his pants and removed what was in his pocket.  He pulled out the locket, the one which both he and his brother Clay had cherished.  Joe lifted it to his face and squeezed his eyes shut trying to force away his sudden tears.  He slowly walked to his night stand and laid the locket there next to his lamp.  There would be a time for deeper reflection, but not now.  Joe removed his clothes and donned the robe Pa had handed him.  He would try to put on another brave front in order to go out into the hall where Joe knew his father would be waiting.

****************************

Dinner that night was handled by Joe’s family delicately.  They all knew what Joe had been worried about concerning his health along with the deep grief he carried over the loss of his brother.

Ben bowed his head and that was the sign for all others around the dining table to do the same.

“Thank you, Dear Lord, for all of those gathered here at this table and for our dear friend Hop Sing who prepared this meal for us.  Most especially, Lord, thank you for returning Joseph home to us safely.  Amen.”

Joe had to draw in a deep breath once his father was finished with the blessing.  He glanced over at the three men around the table and couldn’t help feeling the love in their eyes as they turned to him and smiled.

“Glad to be home, Pa,” Joe said after clearing his throat, he had felt a bit overwhelmed by the compassion offered by his family.

“Here you go, Short Shanks,” Hoss offered the platter of roast beef to his brother even before he had helped himself.

Joe shook his head and replied, “I –I think I’ll just wait until you all get what you want and then I’ll take off mine, Hoss.”  He was trying to err on the side of caution with almost everything he did around his family, still swept up in concern over whether or not he was contagious.  Joe wasn’t taking any chances.

Ben shot a cautionary glance between his older boys and gave them a slight shake to his head.  He was giving the sign to just let Joe do as he had requested and that they shouldn’t ask any questions.

“Okay, Joe – but if Hoss gets his hands on the food before you – well you might have an empty plate looking at you,” Adam laughed and drew some roast from the platter.

“Hop Sing always sets aside some just in case,” Ben countered and nodded his head towards Joe sitting there opposite him at the other end of the dining table.

Joe reached for his water glass and drank the entire contents.  As if on cue Hop Sing came out from the kitchen carrying with him a pitcher of water.

“Here, Little Joe —  have plenty,” Hop Sing insisted as he refilled Joe’s glass.

“Thanks,” Joe nodded and smiled up at the man.  “I guess the trip was a dry one and I’m trying to make up for it.”

Ben’s eyes were never off of his youngest.  He knew that Joe’s excuse had been perhaps partly true, but that there were other problems causing his excessive thirst.  **** Okay – tomorrow Doc will be here, Ben – don’t worry – the boy is home now.  He’s right across the table from you so stop staring at him **** Ben thought to himself and then turned to focus on his eldest.

“Adam how’s the herd progressing?  Did the hands get them to south shore yet?”

Adam fought back a smile when he realized why his father had asked him the question.  He had already discussed the topic with Pa but evidently the man was trying to avoid talk about Joe and his problems so he would play right along.

“Oh – I talked to Cody when he got in to the bunkhouse earlier.  He says that maybe by Thursday they’ll all be settled down there for the winter.”

“Touch of snow over at Truckee Meadow last night, Pa,” Hoss jumped in to the conversation, also steering all talk away from his little brother’s troubles.

Joe set down his fork as he sent a knowing smile around the table.  He could appreciate the fact that his father and brothers were trying to keep from asking questions about all that had happened to him during the fiasco that was the last six months of his life.

“I know you all have questions about my trip,” Joe began.  “I – well – I’ll fill you all in on what happened.  But, you don’t have to talk around me – if you’ve got something to ask then go ahead.  If I can answer it I will – and if not –well – I will whenever I can.”

“Joseph – we just don’t know where to start.  Why don’t we wait until after supper?  You need to eat – we’ve got to get some pounds on you, Boy, you’re a mite puny,” Ben answered.

“Yeah – Hoss maybe you can donate a few pounds to our little brother, what do you think?” Adam grinned across the table.

Hoss feigned hurt over his brother’s statement.  “You know I’m a growing boy, Adam.  Heck I think I lost some pounds the last two weeks working with the logging crew!”

“Well, if you lost some I can tell you I found them – go look between your ears,” Adam remarked with a grin.

Ben shook his head amused over the running gag about his middle boy’s appetite and how big a man he was.

“I know you missed your brothers and their wit right, Joe?”

“Yes, Sir,” Joe nodded.  “I’ve missed my brothers —,” Joe stopped the minute he had said the word “brothers”.

**** My brothers – my brothers – Adam – Hoss – and Clay.  My brothers – now there’s two of them left. **** Joe thought to himself and shut his eyes tightly, swept away with visions of the way Clay had hugged him the moment Joe had come down the steps of the train there in Atlanta. The two of them had clung to each other like two men alone in a life raft in the middle of a raging sea. They hadn’t seen each other for three very long years and so much had happened to both of them during the separation. **** What did he say?  Did he say how much he missed me?  Didn’t he have tears in his eyes?  I’d never seen tears in them before – but one look at me and suddenly he was swept away with emotion.  The both of us acted as though we had been raised together just like my other two brothers and me.  It hadn’t mattered that the only time we’d ever spent together as brother to brother was just a few precious weeks there on the Ponderosa three years ago.  Oh Clay — why did all of this have to happen? **** Joe found himself stuck in the middle of his recollection as the other three men simply sat there at the table and stared his way.

After almost five minutes of silence Ben called down the table towards his youngest.  “Joseph?  Do you want some more water?  You’ve emptied your glass.”

Joe was jolted back to the present and hadn’t even realized that he had polished off yet another glass of water.  He had absolutely no recollection of doing so.

“Oh – yeah – sure, Pa.  Sorry.”

Hop Sing had been listening in, as always, and was quickly back next to Joe’s side with the water pitcher held in his hand.  He refilled Joe’s glass and said, “Little Joe – you drink more — but you need eat too!  Not touch smidge of food.”

Joe laughed at the way Hop Sing had tried to say smidgen.  “I’m just a bit slow tonight, Hop Sing but it’s sure good!  Give me some time – I’ll catch up in a couple of days.  It seems everyone wants me to fatten up and —,” Joe had to stop what he was getting ready to say in order to put everyone at ease when he was suddenly seized with another bout of coughing.

“Excuse me —,”  Joe said placing his napkin over his mouth  He hurried away from the table and  headed over to the stairs again.

Ben waved away Adam and Hoss as they prepared to stand from the table.  He didn’t want anyone to hover over Joseph, though he was fighting his own urge to go to the boy.

“You just let us know if we can help you, Joseph,” Ben called across the room.

Joe coughed into the napkin and shook his head, fighting for control against the onslaught of yet another attack.  After almost five minutes he had regrouped and stood up straight.  He was a bit nervous as he cast a look over at his family, feeling like he had ruined the welcome home dinner.

Ben had to stop Hop Sing from advancing into the living room with a glass of water.

“Just refill Joe’s glass, he’ll be right back in his chair soon,” Ben whispered to the cook.

Joe returned to the dining room and placed the napkin back in his lap.

“Sorry,” He muttered as he grabbed his water glass and tried not to drink it straight down.  Joe was worried that he was starting to make a spectacle out of himself between his coughing and his unquenchable thirst.

“Eat your dinner,” Pa called quietly.

“Yes, Sir,” Joe nodded and grabbed up his fork.

Hoss wondered if he should break the sudden quiet which had fallen over the room.  He decided to try.  “Hey, Little Brother, what’s in that package over there?” He motioned to the sofa table where Pa had set the carefully wrapped package when they had returned from town earlier.

Joe looked over to where Hoss had mentioned and tried his best not to frown.  He had to somehow pretend that he was okay.  ***Keep it together Joe –just pretend you’re okay – don’t let them see it in your eyes or hear it in your voice. *** Joe thought to himself.

“Oh – well that’s – um – it’s actually a picture – one that was made in Savannah before – well – it’s a picture,” Joe had to leave it at that.  He couldn’t go into it yet.

Hoss realized by what his brother hadn’t said that Joe wasn’t prepared to go into more of a description than he had.

“Well – whatever it is – I’m just glad you were able to bring it with you,” Hoss fought to come up with a comment that wouldn’t seem too intrusive.

“Yeah – well — I am too.  I’ll show it to all of you sometime later.  Hey — I hate to break up this dinner – I know that Hop Sing put a lot of thought and work into it. But, if it’s all the same to everyone — I’m really tired.  I guess after the trip and now that I’ve had a bath to appease Pa – well I think I’ll turn in.  I’ll tell all of you about my travels another night.  Goodnight,” Joe announced as he stood from the table.  His eyes suddenly glanced down to his place setting and napkin.

“Hop Sing?” Joe called and the cook was quick to come out from the kitchen.

“You need more water, Little Joe?”

“No – I’m good.  Hey the dinner was fine —real fine thank you.  Um – I’m a bit worried about that napkin — I kind of coughed a bit into it – so maybe boil it with the rest of this?” Joe pointed to his dish and utensils.

“Hop Sing know – you no worry.  But not eat enough to  keep bird alive, Little Joe!” He protested.

“Yeah – well I’m just done in from the trip you know?  I promise to do better tomorrow.”

“Good night, Joseph,” Ben called to his son to signal to all the others in the room to let Joe do as he wanted.

“Yeah good night,” Both Hoss and Adam called to their brother.

“See you all in the morning.  Thanks again,” Joe returned and headed for the stairs.

****************************

Ben Cartwright couldn’t help himself.  He had stayed up late speaking with both Hoss and Adam.  They had all made their own observations and suggestions concerning how to help Joe.  His brothers were worried about even mentioning Clay to their little brother due to the wound still being so fresh.  Ben offered his own opinions before they all turned in just before midnight.  Though he had already gotten into his nightshirt and robe and had even turned his bedding down, Ben couldn’t resist the urge to go and peer in on Joseph.  He knew his son was home.  He knew that he was safe, at least as safe as he could be there in his own bed.  But, after six months without his youngest under the same roof as his pa, he just had to go and check on him.

Ben eased the bedroom door open ever so slightly to make sure that the light from the hall’s lamp wouldn’t awaken his son.  Moving in closer Pa shook his head and grinned.  Joe was spread out on top of his covers, completely dressed; boots and all.

**** I guess old habits die hard, don’t they, Joseph?**** Ben thought to himself as he approached the head of the boy’s bed and cast a loving smile down at him.  He remembered how many times in the past that his son would work or play too hard and pass out just like he had that night, fully dressed.  **** I don’t mind the clothes, but those boots have to go! ****  Ben shook his head amused.  Trying not to wake his son, he gently removed both boots.  Joe never even budged, evidently deep in slumber at the time.   **** I’m so happy that you’re home, Joseph — God knows I’ve missed you.  God knows how worried I’ve been about you too.  We’ll handle everything – you just rest and ease up on yourself, Son.  I love you. **** Ben carefully lifted the extra quilt which Hop Sing had left hanging there on the bed’s foot board.  Gently he covered Joseph and brushed a hand across his son’s forehead in an effort to push aside the fallen curls.  Ben frowned when he settled the palm of his right hand onto Joe’s brow.  He thought he had detected a fever the minute that he had brushed aside his son’s bangs.  He was right, though it wasn’t hot enough to cause any further action on his part, it would have to keep until the next day.  Ben drew in a deep breath and tried to assuage his worry.  He knew that the doctor would give a more accurate assessment of Joe’s condition the following day.  **** Rest — and we’ll work through all of your troubles. **** Ben turned and quietly left the bedroom closing the door behind him.

****************************

Doctor Paul Martin was welcomed to the ranch house the next day by Ben Cartwright.  He bid him inside and helped Paul out of his heavy coat and set it on top of the settee.

“Getting mighty cold out there, Ben,” Paul stated and took a seat across from his old friend.

Hop Sing was quick to bring in coffee for the two men and called his own greeting to the doctor before returning to the kitchen and to pies he was working on at the time.

“Nears as I can figure it, Ben, it’s been about six months since I had to come out here on a house call.  But, I figured that what with that rambunctious youngest boy of yours home it was only a matter of time,” Paul nodded over to Ben as he sipped at the hot brew.

“I’m glad you were able to come out, Paul.  I don’t imagine the snows will hold off much longer and that’s going to cut down on those house calls of yours.”

“Okay –enough with the small talk, tell me how Joe’s doing.”

Ben drew in a deep breath to gather his thoughts and figure out where to start.  “Joe got home yesterday.  He’s lost quite a bit of weight and he’s also got a pretty bad cough.  Of course I mentioned to you about the fact that his brother Clay died while Joe was with him.  Joseph hasn’t been able to talk about it yet.  I know he’s gone through a terrible time.”

Paul turned and reached into his coat lying on top of the settee behind him.  He pulled out a letter from one of the pockets along with his spectacles.

“Let’s see here,” Paul paused as he adjusted his eyeglasses and stared down at the letter.  “As you’re well aware I wrote to that doctor in Atlanta as soon as you told me you’d heard from Joe.  Since that man was the one who had sheltered the boy and also provided some medical care for him I thought it best that I get his observations before I try to come up with a diagnosis of my own.  This came the other day.  You know how slow the mail is, Ben – but I’m just glad it got here.”

“What did Doctor Hardin have to say?” Ben asked as he leaned forward in his chair feeling a bit anxious over whatever was going to be revealed about Joe’s condition.

“He confirmed that Joe did have yellow fever.  He also says here that the boy had a touch of what they call down there “swamp fever” too.  You mentioned Joe has a bad cough, right?”

Ben nodded and returned, “Yes, and he had several bouts yesterday both on the trip home and twice before he went to bed.  His complexion is a bit off too, Paul.”

Paul gave a patient smile, he knew how much Ben Cartwright worried about all of his sons, and he was just a tad more overly protective of the youngest than his two older boys, and with good reason.  Joseph Cartwright had been a patient of Doctor Martin’s so often that Paul felt more like an uncle to Joe than a doctor. “Settle back, Ben — we’ve got plenty of time to talk before I go and see the youngster!”

Pa shook his head a bit embarrassed when he realized how he was leaning so far forward in his chair that he’d almost fallen onto the floor.  He cleared his voice and then answered, “Okay, Paul – so what’s this swamp fever?  Have you heard of it before?”

Doc shrugged his shoulders and said, “Well it could be just about anything – from malaria to just a vague term that people down in the swamps call various forms of sicknesses.  Did the boy tell you that he’d hid in the swamp for days after some of those town’s folks tried to go after him?”

“What!” Ben shouted – and then noticed Paul shooting a stern look over to him.  “I’m sorry — no — Joe didn’t say anything about that.  Of course he alluded to the fact that people who caught yellow fever were treated like lepers.  I was afraid to ask Joseph too much yesterday.  The boy looks so fragile — and I know he’s hurting inside from losing his brother too.   So — could he have gotten this swamp sickness that way  — by hiding in there?”

“I’m just not sure about anything yet.  I’m going to have to get a good look at him.  Any other symptoms that you noticed?”

“The boy must’ve drunk a gallon or more of water once he got home.  He emptied an entire canteen just on our way back here yesterday.”

Paul sighed and reached for his black medical bag.  “Well, let’s go and see him.  I just don’t want you getting upset, Ben.  I know you’ve just gotten him back – don’t go to getting weak on me!”

Ben stood to go up the stairs alongside of the doctor.  “Since when have I EVER gone weak on you?” He replied feigning being indignant over the mere suggestion of it.

Paul laughed and patted his friend’s arm.  “Okay – yes – you’re tough alright, Ben Cartwright.  Now let’s go and see that “tough” son of yours!”

*****************************

Joe walked over to his bedroom door after hearing the loud knock.  He figured that it was time for yet another visit from his father as the man had made it a point to keep checking on him all afternoon.

“Hi Doc!” Joe smiled over at the man and moved back so both men could enter his room.

“Good to see you back, Youngster,” Doc nodded to Joe as he moved across to the bed.  “Come on over here and sit down so’s I can get a look at your ornery hide!”

“Gee, Doc, and here I thought you’d just dropped by to say hi,” Joe quipped and then moved to sit down on the bottom of his bed.

Joe reached for his handkerchief and pulled it up over his nose and mouth.  Both Pa and Paul noticed the move and shook their heads.

“Little Joe Cartwright!” Doc flared off at the young man and frowned.  “I was the first person on this earth to turn you upside down and swat your backside and I’ll do it again if you don’t take down that blasted cloth!  How in the heck do you expect me to hear your breathing if you block your darned airways?”

“But – I just don’t want to breathe on you – you know – just in case,” Joe tried his best to explain away his actions.

Paul turned to look at Ben and asked, “do YOU want to hit him or just take it from him?”

Ben laughed and then directed his stern gaze down at Joe.  “You don’t want to get either of us riled up, Joseph.  Now hand it to me.”

“No – I’ll handle it,” Joe insisted and moved to his night stand and set the handkerchief next to his lamp.  He moved back to the end of the bed and sat once more.  “Hey – if it’s all the same to you, Pa – how about you let Doc and me handle this?  Why don’t you go work on those ledger books?”

Paul stared over at Ben and saw the slow burn in his eyes.  **** Oh this ought to be good! **** Paul thought to himself.  He knew the last person Joe should ever suggest to leave during an examination was his pa.

“Oh – well that’s very considerate of you, Joseph,” Ben replied full of sarcasm over his son trying to get him to leave the room.  “And I’ll be happy to leave so you can talk to Doc privately.  But, then he’s going to have to repeat word by word whatever you’ve told him!”

Joe frowned and gave in.  He should have known better than to even suggest that Pa wait this one out.  “Sorry,” He muttered.  He had wanted to spare his father from some of the details but it looked as though that wasn’t going to be allowed.

Paul cleared his throat and then patted Ben’s arm.  “You go light down on that chair, Ben.  And as for you, Joe – go remove that shirt of yours.”

Joe  had to do what had been instructed because he could read the determination on the doctor’s face and in his eyes.  He freed himself of his shirt and then looked up at Paul.  “What now?”

As he covertly inventoried his patient’s outward appearance, Paul couldn’t help noticing how emaciated he looked.  Joe Cartwright had always been a bit on the slender side, but now the doctor’s assessment was that the boy was just plain gaunt.  Ben hadn’t seen his son without his shirt on since he had gotten home from his trip, but staring over at him now he realized that the boy’s physique looked entirely different.   Even from his position there in the chair across from Joe, his father could tell that his muscle mass was half of what it had been.  He had to try and hide the concern in his eyes though it was mounting by the minute.

Joe watched the discreet glances that passed between both Doc and Pa, and though they hadn’t said anything outright, he knew that they were shocked at the amount of weight that he had lost.  He wished that he didn’t have to continue with the examination because it was causing everyone in the room to grow uncomfortable; himself included.

Doc settled the stethoscope into his ears and remarked, “Just be quiet for a minute.  I want to have a good listen to your heart and those lungs of yours.”

Paul listened to his patient’s chest and then readjusted the bell of the stethoscope so that it was on Joe’s back.   “Now breathe in and hold it,” Paul commanded and watched as his patient followed the instructions.  “Now I want you to take some regular breaths and let me know if you’re having any pain.”

Joe again made the move the doctor had told him.  “No – that doesn’t hurt, Doc.”

“Draw in the deepest breath you can, Joe – and hold it for as long as you can.”

As soon as Joe drew in the breath he was swept up into a coughing fit.  He jumped from the bed and hurried for his handkerchief.  Joe coughed into the cloth as he bent forward.

Ben and Paul exchanged uneasy glances.

“Here,” Ben said and poured some water into a glass from the pitcher Hop Sing had refilled earlier.  He handed it to his son.

“Just gotta catch my breath a minute—,” Joe said as he fought to control the coughing fit.  He slowly sipped at the water and the coughing started to lessen.

After a few minutes Joe nodded that he was fine and he moved back to his former position on the bottom of his bed.  “Sorry, Doc.”

“That’s okay, Joe.  Tell me – how long have you had that cough?”

Joe shrugged his shoulders and replied, “I’m not really sure.  It didn’t start right away – you know like the other symptoms of Yellow Jack.  I think it began after that.”

“Let me have a gander at those eyes of yours,”  Paul bypassed any more talk about the coughing for the present and went about examining Joe’s eyes.  “Any light sensitivity?”

Joe shook his head, “Uh uh, maybe a bit when I first got the fever – but I’ve not got any now.”

“And the headaches?  I’ve been told they are quite severe when a person gets yellow fever – do you still get them?”

“No – not since I was in Georgia – they lasted for a long time.”

“How about night sweats?  Do you get those, Joe?”

“Not that I know of – Doc – I was on the road so long – not in a real bed, you know?  It’s kind of hard to tell that when it’s hot as hell like it was in Georgia during the summer.  Heck I’ve been in parts of Arizona that would seem like Alaska compared to that darn place!” Joe exclaimed and both the doctor and Pa could see the anger behind his eyes.  They could read how much he hated the place where he had lost his brother and had evidently fought to stay alive.

“How long have you had this excessive thirst, Joe?  Your Pa says you can hardly get your fill of water ever since you got home.”

“That started with the fever — and it’s never gone away, Doc,” Joe frowned again.

“Lie back on the bed so I can check out your stomach, Joe,” Paul said and watched as his patient did as was instructed.  The doctor palpated Joe’s abdomen and muttered an “uh hum” every so often as he pushed and prodded the area.  “Any pain to your gut?”

Joe shook his head, “No – nothing hurts there.”

“Okay, Joe, you can sit back up again.” Paul said and helped pull Joe into a seated position.

Satisfied with that part of the examination, the doctor reached inside his medical bag.  Paul pulled out his thermometer and gave it a good shake.  “Your Pa will like this part,” Doc quipped, shooting Ben a smile.  “It’s the only chance he has to see you with your mouth shut!”

Joe laughed and nodded over at both men.  He could tell that Paul was trying his best to keep things light due to the seriousness of the situation.  A few minutes later the doctor pulled out the thermometer and stared at its reading.

“Not bad — you’re just running a slight fever.  Nothing to get upset about.”

“Doc – to tell you the truth what I’m the most worried about is whether I’m going to spread yellow jack to my family – heck to you or anyone else for that matter too!”

Paul sighed and sat down in the side chair next to Ben.  “The medical community is mixed on that one I’m afraid, Joe.  I personally don’t think that you’re contagious.  Some doctors think that yellow fever can be spread from person to person.  I happen to believe differently.  I can understand why you’re so worried about it.  I heard from Doctor Hardin and he believes along the lines as me.  But, if you’re still worried then you can always continue with precautions like heating anything you eat or drink with to boiling when you’re done.”

“Doc – Pa got a bit too excited to see me yesterday and hugged me – could that put him at risk?” Joe asked with uncontrolled fear in his eyes and tone of voice.

Paul looked back and forth between both Cartwrights and shook his head.  “I think it would’ve hurt your pa more if he didn’t get that hug in — he might have just upped and died you know?”  Doc tried his best to once again lighten the mood and ease Joe’s overwhelming concern.  “Seriously, Joe – we’ve never had yellow fever out here in Nevada because we’re land-locked.  I really believe, as do many of my colleagues, that it’s caused by the bites of insects.  I don’t think you can spread it – and surely not by a mere hug to your father.”

“People down there, Doc – people down there – they went after us – went after us with torches — ,” Joe paused and looked down at the floor.  He wished that he hadn’t said what he had, it just slipped out.

Paul sighed and sat down next to Joe on the bed.  He wanted to show his patient that he wasn’t concerned in the least over the potential risk of contracting either ailment that Joe had. “Your brother and his wife – I take it they both caught yellow fever around the same time?”

He tried to answer the doctor but the words wouldn’t come.  Finally Joe simply nodded his head.

“Is that when you got it, Joe?” Paul continued.

Tears had suddenly started to fill Joe’s eyes and he tried his best to look away from Paul.  “I – I – well I got it not too long after them – you see I was trying to get them well – and –,” Joe had to stop.  He couldn’t go on, it was just too painful.

Paul put his hand on his patient’s shoulder sympathetically.  “It’s okay, Joe.  We don’t have to get into all that right now.  I just wanted to find out about your own particular case of yellow fever.  Maybe you didn’t get it as bad as they did, huh?”

“No, Doc — but then again — Clay –well he and Annabelle – they got really sick — and I couldn’t get their fevers down.  I – I tried everything – nothing worked.”

“Doctor Hardin thinks you might have gotten a case of what they called swamp fever too, Joe.  He wrote that you had to hide in the swamp for a few days, is that right?’

Joe shot a quick glance at his Pa and was surprised that he seemed to already know the answer to Doc’s question.  “Yeah – yeah that’s right.  You see the dogs – well – yeah I hid for a few days,” Joe cut his answer down to just a few facts.  He had done his best to forget the swamp, the marshes, the snakes and the fear of the dreaded alligators which had been in the water with him.  It was the kinds of things that nightmares are made of.

Ben stood from his chair and began to advance to the bed, he needed to be next to his son to allay the fear that was easily read on his face.

“No, Pa!” Joe had seen the move that his father had made. He cast a peremptory hand out in front of him to deny Pa from coming any closer.

“Joe — it’s okay,” Ben whispered but to no avail.  His son’s hand was still held up like a shield to ward off any attempt on his father’s part to go to him.

Paul cast a quick glance at Ben and shook his head.  He waved him back into the chair.  Ben had held his ground at first, but after a few moments of hesitation he had to settled back down and eased into his former position.  He knew that he had to let Paul finish his observations and without his interference.  It was for Joseph’s sake that he had given up this time.

“Now,” Doc continued, “ I’m thinking that being in that swamp might be the cause of that thirst of yours and also the cough.  I’ve got some ideas that just might help.  I’ll bring you some medication out tomorrow.  Until then I want you to rest, keep drinking and for goodness sake try and get some weight on you!” Doc smiled and patted Joe’s shoulder as he stood from the bed.

Joe hurriedly pulled his shirt back on and buttoned it, feeling uncomfortable with his appearance and the subtle stares he’d gotten ever since he had removed it earlier.   Looking up at Paul he nodded and said, “Thanks, Doc.”

Ben stood to walk the doctor out.  “You get in a nap before supper, Joseph,” He called to his son.

“Okay, Pa,” Joe nodded.  He had witnessed  the look of rejection in his father’s eyes and he knew why it was there.  Joe had to keep the man at bay.  He wasn’t sure if he was still contagious and wasn’t going to chance another encounter with Pa like he had up at his mother’s grave.  Joe wasn’t about to lose someone else that he loved; especially not his father. When both men left closing the door behind them Joe eased back against his pillows.  He was in fact tired, and a great deal of his exhaustion was caused by the mention over what had happened to his brother and his wife.  It was a much more difficult kind of hurt to get over than anything that yellow fever had done to his body.  He closed his eyes and could still see Clay standing there at the train station smiling over at him.  Joe forced the memory away.  It wasn’t time to rehash all that had happened in Georgia yet.   He needed to get stronger both emotionally and physically before he would be able to tell his family about all of the horrors that had happened there.  Joe willed himself to fall to sleep and prayed that his dreams would be of better times in his life.

***************************

“Well?” Ben asked as he walked down the staircase with Paul at his side.

“I think that boy might just have a touch of malaria.  But, if he does, it’s not the worst thing in the world so I don’t want you getting upset, Ben!  He’s still got just a bit of jaundice from the latent effects of yellow fever.   It’s what’s giving him that little cast of yellow to his skin and in the whites of his eyes. That should go away in time.   Joe didn’t have any pain in his abdomen so I don’t think any of the organs there have been affected.  His chest didn’t sound too bad, just a bit of congestion – which could be due to all he’s had to deal with between the yellow fever and whatever he got from being in that swamp.  I’m going to bring you some quinine when I get back tomorrow.  I’m also going to check to see if I can get my hands on some lemons or limes or any kind of citrus fruits for Joe.  I think this is just going to take some time, but it’s not incurable.  For right now keep him drinking and get him to eat – anything that he wants to eat— as long as he will eat it, so we can get his weight back up.”

“Joseph just looks so thin — he will get better — right?” Ben had to ask.

Paul nodded and patted his friend’s arm.  “Well, spending months in a sick bed and being so ill for so long that’s to be expected, Ben.   We’re just very fortunate that he didn’t get as bad a case of yellow fever as his brother and sister-in- law did.   Who  knows – maybe getting malaria did something to combat the effects of yellow fever?  At this point it’s anyone’s guess about either disease.   But, I’m sure the kid will recover, it’s just going to take some time.  Now, as I’ve told Joe – I don’t believe that boy is contagious.  But, Joe thinks so– and after he was persecuted the way he was I think we can both understand why.  Go ahead and let Hop Sing boil his dinnerware to make the kid feel better about it and just in case I’m wrong.   Let’s just err on the side of caution.  I know he’s hurting a lot emotionally, but once he can talk to you about it –well – it’ll help.”

“Did you see how frightened he was when I just tried to walk over to him?”

Paul nodded and shook his head.  “Ben — I  know you want to help him – but Joe is scared to death of something happening to you.  He evidently witnessed the deaths of both his brother and his sister-in-law – I can imagine what he’s thinking.  Just try to be patient with the boy – until he settles in a bit.”

“I’ll try,” Ben sighed wearily.

“I’ll be back in the morning, Ben,” Paul said and pulled on his coat.

“As always, Paul, thank you so much!” Ben said as he walked the doctor to the front door.

“Well, since Joe provides me with constant business it’s the least I can do to come here and see him,” Doc winked and walked out to his surrey.

“Goodbye, Paul,” Ben called as he watched him pull out of the yard.

**************************

Ben, Hoss and Adam had to accomplish many tasks in order to get the ranch ready for the coming winter months.  Both Adam and Hoss checked on the small herd, cattle which were too young to be shipped to market during the regular summer cattle drive, and got them to the south shore of Lake Tahoe where there would be enough winter grass to see them through until spring.  Ben had several contracts which needed to be taken into Virginia City to his attorneys office to go over before signing.  That left Joe alone most days at the ranch house with only Hop Sing there once and awhile as he also needed to tend a sick relative in town.  He convalesced most days up in the solitude of his bedroom and only once and awhile spent time down in the living room there in front of the blazing fireplace.  Ben worried that they were leaving Joe alone too much and had tried his best to finish with all of the business dealings he had in order to spend more time with him.

A week after his return from Georgia, Joe sat in front of the fireplace and turned when his father walked in the front door.  Pa had on his heavy coat and gloves plus a thick knit scarf around his neck to signal just how cold it was getting outside.

“Well, Joseph – are you warm enough sitting there?” Ben smiled as he removed his outer garments and approached his son.

“Yeah, Pa – come on over and I’ll move a bit so you can warm up too,” Joe nodded to his father and moved away from the fireplace.

“Joseph,” Ben paused as he stared hard at him, “I built that fireplace before you were born to make sure it would be large enough to accommodate more than one person sitting in front of it.  Don’t go running off anywhere!”

“I’m fine here,” Joe replied and sat down in the blue winged back chair as Pa moved closer.  He watched as Ben reached his hands towards the fire logs in order to warm his fingers.  “How did things go in town, Pa?” Joe purposely changed the subject.

“Fine – William went over some of the options on those last contracts from the De Santo Shipping Company.  I’ll probably go ahead and sign them – that is of course after Adam looks them over too.  Oh and I stopped by and spoke with Frank Keller at the Overland Depot and he said that the shipment of fruit from Sacramento is due in tomorrow.  Doc said that he thinks that it will help with swamp fever.  He also said that it might just knock out the cough you have.  Now, how was your day?”

Joe shrugged his shoulders wondering what he had done with his time.  “Just sat around here as usual.  I feel bad that I can’t help my brothers or you right now.  I wish that there was something that I could do – I feel guilty just lying around.”

Ben laughed and sat down in his red leather chair.  “Joseph, enjoy it while you can.  When you’re feeling better you’ll more than pay for your keep with chores.  Now, did you take the medicine I left for you?”

“Yes, Sir – both packets.  I can’t tell you how awful tasting that quinine is.  I hope it helps because –,” Joe had to stop what he was saying as he knew he was about to start coughing again.  He reached for the handkerchief he had tucked inside his shirt pocket and rushed to the staircase.

“Joseph you do NOT need to run off like that!” Ben declared, exasperation very apparent in his tone of voice. He was growing both frustrated and concerned by the way his son was so frightened all of the time over spreading a disease which by many accounts couldn’t be spread person to person.  Of course Doc Martin had said that the final verdict was still out on exactly how yellow fever could be spread due to indecision on the part of the medical community, but Ben believed the same as Paul did.  He doubted that whatever remained of Joe’s case of yellow fever was contagious.  Paul also didn’t believe anyone could catch the remnants of Joe’s case of what had been labeled swamp fever by Doctor Hardin in Georgia.

Joe bent over, his coughing fit coming in waves that wracked his body.  Keeping his face covered by the handkerchief he tried to fight it off.  Since Hop Sing was still in Virginia City, Ben hurried into the kitchen and brought back a glass of water.  He moved next to his son and handed it to him.

“Thanks, Pa,” Joe nodded to him as he took the glass into his hand.  He drank down the entire contents and then said,“sorry.”

“Sorry for what exactly?” Ben asked raising his eyebrows for emphasis.  “Son, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for.”

“I just feel like I should’ve stayed away from all of you until I was completely healed,” Joe whispered.  All he could think about was the fact that he might be risking everyone’s life just by being there inside of the house.  Every time Joe closed his eyes at night all that showed up in his dreams were constant reminders of the last two weeks he had spent with Clay and Annabelle and what had led to their deaths.

Pa reached over and touched his son’s shoulder to comfort him but Joe quickly shirked away, accidentally dropping the glass onto the floor.

“Pa, I told you not to touch me anymore!” Joe sang out angrily.  He bent down and retrieved the glass, glad that it hadn’t broken in the fall.

Ben shot Joe a stern paternal gaze and waited.  He stood there rigid with his hands on his hips and his feet spread apart.

Glancing down at the floor Joe’s heart filled with remorse over the way that he had fired off at his father.  In trying to protect Pa from getting any disease that he might carry, by keeping him at arm’s length from him, he had inadvertently screamed at him.  Joe finally responded to the way that his Pa was still staring over at him.  From past history he knew what his father was saying just by the look he was giving him and in the familiar stance that he had taken. “Okay – I’m sorry for yelling – I didn’t mean to do it, Pa.  It’s just that –,”

Joe’s explanation was interrupted as his brothers walked into the house.

“We’ll continue this discussion later, Joseph,” Pa remarked sternly as he turned towards Adam and Hoss.

“It’s getting colder by the minute, Pa!” Hoss called out as he and Adam removed their coats and holsters at the door.

Ben looked over at his older boys and said, “You two get in here and warm up and then I’ll see what I can do for us for supper.  I saw Hop Sing in town and he said he left all of the fixings for stew so guess I’ll have to throw that together for all of us.”

“Heck, Joe – you know how to make stew,” Hoss said as he neared the fireplace along with Adam.  “Why don’t you help Pa and that’ll get it done faster?”

“I would – well – I would’ve already done that if I could have, Hoss,” Joe replied and looked away from all three men.  “I don’t want to handle food right now — I  just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“You’re starting to get a little color in your cheeks, Kid,” Adam remarked, hoping to lighten the mood in the room which seemed to have turned glum all of a sudden.

“Oh yeah?  You mean I don’t look quite as yellow now?” Joe returned, sarcasm in his tone.

“Come on, Joseph,” Ben frowned and stared once again at his youngest.

“Sorry – hey – since I can’t really help anyone with anything – I think I’ll go upstairs for a bit,”  Joe turned and walked up to his room.

After hearing Joe’s bedroom door close Adam turned to his father and said, “I don’t think we’re doing Joe any favor by not asking him to tell us what happened to Clay and his wife, Pa.  I know he’s afraid of this whole yellow fever thing – and worried about spreading it – but I think if he’d get his story out maybe it would help him to deal with things better.”

“I know, Son, he was just telling me before you two got back that he wished he hadn’t come home,” Ben sighed and headed towards the kitchen.  “Maybe we can broach the subject with him tonight after dinner?”

“Good idea.  Hey want some help with supper, Pa?” Hoss asked standing from the settee.

Ben smiled and waved his middle boy over to him.  “C’mon, I need a taster and you’ll do!”

Hoss lumbered into the kitchen along with his father to do what he did best, eat.

**************************

Ben worked on making the stew and it wasn’t more than an hour before he had it where Hoss had given his approval after eating a whole bowl of it in the kitchen.  The four of them sat and ate and tried to keep the conversation light for Joe’s sake.  Ben had left a pitcher of water in front of his youngest so he could just help himself since Hop Sing had yet to return from town.

“That was good, Pa,” Adam called over to his father and both he and Hoss stood with their dinner plates and cups.  “We’ll do the dishes, you and Joe just go and settle down in the living room.  Hoss you wash and I’ll dry.”

“No you wash and I’ll dry,” Hoss laughed and reached towards Joe’s dinner plate.

Joe jumped up and blocked his brother’s hand to prevent him from touching anything that he had used during dinner.  “I’ll take care of these once you two handle the rest of it.  I know how to boil water just fine,” He insisted.

Hoss cast a bewildered look over at his father and Ben just shook his head and drew in a deep breath.

“Alright, Hoss, just leave Joe’s place setting where it is.  Joseph, you take your medicine.”

Joe opened a packet of quinine and poured it into his water glass.  “This stuff is awful.”

“Hey, Joe – I read up on that medicine.  They say it goes down better in wine, you know?” Adam called across the table as he began to remove some of the dinnerware.

“It’s got to be better tasting in wine than in water,” Joe nodded.

“Well,” Ben began and gazed knowingly across the table at his youngest, “you have one more dose after that one tonight so if you get that one down I’ll give you the next one in some wine.”

“Sounds good, Pa,” Joe finally smiled, the first one of the evening.  He downed the medicine and then stood from the table.

“Hey – maybe we all should have some wine?” Hoss called in from the kitchen and heard his father’s laughter.

“Okay – if you boys get that kitchen cleaned up we’ll all have some wine with or without quinine.  Let’s go and wait for your brothers in the living room, Joseph.”

***************************

The four Cartwrights sat around the fireplace after dinner was over and the last of the dishes, save Joe’s, were washed, dried and placed back inside of Hop Sing’s china cabinet.

“Here we are,” Ben announced and reached over to the wine decanter.  He poured four glasses and handed them out to his sons and then drew his up to toast.  “To having the four of us together,” Pa toasted, he had to stop abruptly before he made the move to touch all of the glasses together.  He had seen the apprehensive look displayed on Joe’s face.  Instead of the customary kind of a toast they were all use to, Ben simply lifted his glass and gave his two older boys the signal with his gaze to just go along with his move.

The change in his father’s usual toast wasn’t lost on the youngest of the clan.  “Thanks, Pa,” He nodded over to him and then sipped his wine.

“Well enjoy your wine, Young Man, because the next glass will have that quinine in it,” Pa gave Joe the not so subtle reminder and then smiled over at him.

Adam cleared his throat as he tried to think of how he would address some of the questions that he had for his youngest brother.  He realized that there was no gentle way to ask what they all had been wondering about for months.  They needed to know exactly what Joe had gone through in order to understand what he was dealing with.  Sure they knew that Joe had lost his brother, but he had also apparently gone through a whole lot of trauma during the yellow fever epidemic as well as what he had contended with on his way to get back to safety.  Finally deciding to just speak out in earnest, Adam began, “Joe, do you think you could tell the three of us about the wedding?  I mean – I know there’s a lot to tell and we’re not sure how much you can get into right now.  But, is it okay to ask how the wedding went?”

Joe almost dropped his wine glass, surprised by how blunt his brother had been with his question.  He frowned and looked down at the floor boards.  His first instinct was to try and bolt up the stairs to escape any and all questions regarding the horrors he had encountered during his stay in Savannah.  Joe honestly didn’t know what to do, he felt stuck at that moment.  Part of him wanted to get it all out of his gut and the other part wanted to hide from the awful details and never speak about it in order to trick his mind into believing that none of it had happened.

When Joe hadn’t come out with a response after several minutes, Pa spoke up.  “Joseph – like Adam said – we understand that all of this is very difficult to talk about.  So – how about just starting with what happened when Clay met you there in Atlanta?  Do you think you can do that?” Ben asked with a well-honed gentleness coming out in his tone of voice.  He had used it in the past, especially in order to calm his youngest.

Joe stood and was well aware that all eyes were on him when he headed to the staircase.

“Joe!” Hoss sang out, worried that the questions were going to send his little brother up to his room for the night.  “Joe – we ain’t trying to get you upset.  Don’t go up there – we’ll change the subject.

Joe turned around slowly and read the concern on Hoss’ face.  “I – I was gonna go get something – I wasn’t going to my room for the night.  I’ll be back in a minute,” Joe explained and walked up to his bedroom.

“Wonder what that’s all about?” Adam asked turning towards his father.

Ben just shook his head and shrugged.  “I guess we’ll find out.  Listen, Boys, don’t pressure your brother — when he wants to stop talking – that is if he actually starts – just let him go as far as he wants and leave it at that.”

Hoss and Adam both nodded in agreement.  All three Cartwrights waited as patiently as they could for Joe’s return.

*****************************

Joe reappeared after almost twenty minutes.  After retrieving the letter from the luggage he had taken to and from Georgia Joe had to gather himself a bit, as just looking at the handwriting on the outside of the envelope sent tears pouring down his cheeks.  It was from Clay.

“We were starting to worry,” Pa commented as Joe made his way to the fireplace and took his usual seat there on the hearth.  Ben wasn’t sure if his son had been colder than usual due to his ailments and wanted the heat the fireplace would afford him or if it was more of a way to keep from getting too close to all of his family members.  He fought not to mention it to his son though Ben thought it had to be uncomfortable sitting there on the stone cold hearth.

“Sorry – I forgot that I told Hop Sing not to unpack my bags.  I guess I need to go through them.  I’ve got things in there that I haven’t even looked over to see what needs to be thrown out.  I just haven’t felt like –,” Joe stopped abruptly.

Pa wanted so badly to reach out for his son’s arm but he knew that it would send Joseph away due to worry.  He remembered what the boy had said to him earlier that evening about not touching him in any way.  Pa rarely witnessed that kind of an outburst from his youngest, but he was sure it had been done out of pure fear over losing his father and nothing else.

“What do you have there, Son?” Ben questioned softly.

“Well – I guess I’ll just start at the beginning.  I know I didn’t explain to any of you why it was so important for me to be there standing up for Clay at his wedding,” Joe confessed, still fighting with his emotions.

“We understood — he’s your brother,” Hoss said and then cursed himself under his breath.  *** What a danged fool thing to say.*** Hoss thought.  Clay was still Joe’s brother – but he was now gone and Joe didn’t need that kind of a slip up coming out.

Joe stared over at Hoss and could tell that he regretted what he had said.  “It’s okay, Hoss – I know you’re all trying to dance around what’s happened.  I brought more than both yellow and swamp fever home with me – I brought a passel of sadness with me too.  I’m sorry – sorry that it’s like this,” Joe paused again and turned to look into the flames dancing on top of the fire-logs.  He took a minute to push aside his tears before turning back to face his family.  Joe knew that they expected him to be emotional due to his loss, but that didn’t make it any easier.  He wished he could pretend that none of it had happened and that Clay was alive and well just as he had been for the three years since they last saw each other.  Alive, just like he had been on that bright sunny day there at the train station in Atlanta.

“I remember the day that this came,” Joe continued and held up the envelope that he had brought down from his room.  He took a minute to tenderly smooth it out, pressing it against his knee.  Holding it was like holding a piece of his brother’s heart.  He remembered the day that Pa had handed it to him and how his heart had leapt when he realized it was from his brother.  Joe had taken it over to the coffee table and read it over and over again.  Pa had thought it was bad news because when he stared over at Joe there were tears in his eyes.  It wasn’t until he had told his father that it was good news that Pa discovered why it had been such an emotional read for his son.  He knew that Joe had missed Clay and that, though he rarely mentioned him, Pa could read pain in his son’s eyes ever since the night he had come back from trying to stop his brother from leaving the Ponderosa.  Joe held the hope in his heart that he would see Clay again, but as the years passed the chance of that seemed to fade.

Joe finally continued, “I hadn’t heard from Clay since he left three years ago.  I know I had Pa write to Judge Wharton just in case he showed back up in New Orleans, but evidently he didn’t.  So, when he wrote to ask me to go to Savannah I was surprised.  I remember how you looked, Pa, when I told you that Clay wanted me to go to Georgia and be his best man,” Joe stopped and cast a quick glance over at his father before continuing.  “I could tell that you weren’t too thrilled that I wanted to travel all away across the country, especially since I had just turned twenty-one.  I guess you didn’t think I could find my way back home, huh?”

Ben shook his head and fought the urge once more.  He wanted to go and sit next to his youngest and put his arm over his shoulder.  Joe was fighting back tears, they all could tell it at the time.  “I knew you could find your way back home, Joseph – it’s just that well — I was – well — perhaps being a bit overly protective.” ***And for good reason, Joseph. *** Ben thought to himself as he stared at the damage that the trip had cost the boy.

“It was a long way to go,” Joe nodded over at his Pa.  “I know you even suggested that I try to get Clay to come here to get married.  But, I couldn’t ask him to do that.  And it’s not that I looked forward to that trip, but he wanted me to see his new life and meet the woman he had fallen in love with.  I wish you all could’ve met Annabelle!  She was so beautiful – so kind – and in a lot of ways reminded me of Ma.”

“She sounds very nice, Little Brother,” Hoss commented.  “We all knew why you had to go – that didn’t mean that we didn’t worry about you.”

“I know, Hoss,” Joe replied.  “I guess I’ll tell you what happened when Clay met my train there in Atlanta,” Joe stopped again and moved back over to the dining table where he had left his water glass.  He refilled it and downed the contents before retaking his place on the hearth.  “I remember everything,” He whispered and closed his eyes to pull the memories to the front of his mind in order to relate them to his family.  It was then that Joe began to tell the story.

****************************

The train rattled as it went over the well worn tracks and lulled Joe into an uncomfortable sleep.  He had spent the better part of three weeks traveling by train, stagecoach and carriage to make all of his connections from Nevada to Georgia.  He had lived out of the two bags sitting there at his feet.  There were quite a few layovers and too many nights spent in towns whose names were now nothing but a big blur to him.  It was only his love for his brother that bid him on, though he had to admit that several times he longed for home and the family he had left behind.  He had gone on trips before, but never one this long or so far away from hearth and home.  The resounding whistle of the train woke Joe abruptly.  Looking out of the window where he had taken a seat many hours earlier, Joe could see that the train was about to pull up at the station.  He heard the coachman calling out that they were in Atlanta.  Joe reached down to gather his two carpet bags and readied to stand.  He hoped that Clay would be there waiting as he could see that the station was absolutely packed with people milling about.  ***It’s not Virginia City, Joe – this is what they call the BIG city! *** Joe thought as he prepared to descend the stairs and move onto the platform.

“Joe!” Clay’s voice rang out and Joe turned to see him approaching quickly.

Joe stepped down and soon felt himself pulled into a tight embrace, one that had surprised him by the fierceness of it.

“Clay – so good to see you!” Joe returned and smiled up into his brother’s eyes.  He was caught off guard seeing the welling of tears in the hazel eyes of the man who had been a stranger to him four years ago.  When Joe had learned that he had a brother who had been raised in New Orleans it had shocked both him and his entire family.  He had hoped that Clay would stay on the Ponderosa and live out his life there with him.  Pa had welcomed the son of his late wife, and had prepared him his own room there in the ranch house.  But Clay had a past which was much different from his younger brother’s and he felt that he might cause problems for him.  The last time Joe had seen Clay he had given him the locket which had a picture of their mother inside.  Clay had already told him to go back home where he belonged even though Joe had offered to run off with him anywhere he wanted to go.  In tears at the time, Joe had asked his brother to bring the locket back to him some day.  Now here they were more than two thousand miles away from the Ponderosa standing in a train depot in a town that seemed so foreign to Joe.

“I’ve sure missed you, Brother,” Clay said and pulled one of Joe’s bags out of his hands.  “I’ve got a carriage ready for us.  I thought we’d go have some lunch before we catch the train down to Macon.”

“Macon?  I thought that we’re going to some place called Savannah?”

Clay grinned at the confusion painting his brother’s face.  He placed an arm across his shoulder before replying and turning him in the opposite direction.  “This way, Joe.  Yeah – we’ve got to catch a train at two o’clock and that will take us down to Savannah.  Bet you’ve never seen the Atlantic Ocean, right?”

Joe laughed and slung his arm around his brother’s waist and replied, “I sure haven’t – just the Pacific Ocean there in San Francisco.  So Savannah is on the ocean I take it?”

“Right close by, Joe, first you have the beautiful Savannah River and down just a bit is the Atlantic Ocean,” Clay nodded and steered his brother out to the street and over to the carriage which waited for the two men.

Joe followed his brother up into the carriage and dropped his bag down to the floor.  “I’ll be glad to get off of the train for awhile.  It was a long trip to get here.”

“Driver, down to Peachtree Street – the Striker’s Tavern,” Clay directed the man in the front seat while he settled in the back alongside of his brother.  “I know it was, Brother – but I’m just so glad you made it.  You hungry?”

“You bet,” Joe grinned.  “Now, tell me about my future sister-in- law.”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Clay laughed and reached inside one of his vest pockets and drew out a locket.  “Have a look.”

Joe held the object in his hand and then smiled over at Clay.  “She’s beautiful!  Hey – you know who she looks like?”

“Ma,” Clay nodded at Joe.  “Which reminds me – I think I owe you a locket, huh?”

“There’s no hurry – I had hoped you’d bring it back to the Ponderosa.”

“Some day, Brother,” Clay patted Joe’s shoulder.  “But first I have to get hitched and Annabelle and I have to settle in some before we take any trips.”

“When do I meet her?  Is she here in Atlanta?”

“She’s in Savannah getting things ready for our wedding.  We’re going to live there.   By tonight the three of us will be together and start celebrating.  But first I’ve got to feed you!” Clay announced and pointed out of the carriage as the tavern came into view.

***************************

Joe set down his third glass of water as he paused the story of his first day there in Georgia.  He looked around the room and could read the expectancy in the eyes of his brothers as well as his father.  He knew they were waiting for the whole story to come forward.  Fidgeting a bit there on the hearth Joe finally regrouped his emotions and got back to what happened.

“We just sat and talked for better than two hours there in that tavern.  Clay told me how he had wandered around for a year or so after leaving the Ponderosa until he decided to try to settle down.  He got a job working for the Western and Atlantic Railroad there in Atlanta.  That’s where he met Annabelle.  She was traveling with her father one day and Clay met her on the train and just fell in love with her the minute that they were introduced.  He said it was like something that you read in story books.  I was shocked by the way he had settled down with a steady job and a fiance.  I guess Annabelle caused him to give up on his former life of traveling from one place to the next never setting down roots.  Clay said that she told him that his past didn’t matter to her and that she loved him and wanted to marry him.  It was like that.  The two of them were amazing together – like they completed each other.  Anyway —  I’ll never forget that night – the first night there in Savannah when I met her.  Everything had seemed so strange to me – I never realized that I was a “country boy” until I went to Atlanta and saw how everything moves so fast  in the big city.  And there were so many people!  I think that I saw more people that one day than I had seen in my entire life!  We took the train from Atlanta and it went south until we hit a place called Macon.  From there we boarded another train that brought us right into Savannah.  That place was so different from the way things were in Atlanta.  It was a bit slower and calmer than the big city had been.  But, there was just something a bit unsettling about it too.  It was almost as if something hung in the air in Savannah – like time had stopped there.  I can’t explain it but I felt it right away – there in the atmosphere and all around.  It was almost as though Savannah was giving a warning that death was coming for me.”

“Where did you meet Annabelle, Joe?” Adam asked, hoping to get Joe off of the topic of death for a little while longer.

“The train got in just before midnight and a coach was waiting for us.  It took Clay and me right to the plantation that her father owned.  It was a huge place – not like anything I’d ever seen before.  A big white four story house with huge twenty foot columns – almost like that Greek architecture you used to show me, Adam,” Joe replied and then he felt the tightness in his chest and knew what was coming.  He made his typical dash to the stairs and began coughing.

Ben moved over to the dining table and poured another glass of water and brought it over to Joe.  He reached over and carefully handed it to his son, being cognizant of not making any physical contact with him.  Joe accepted it and exchanged a glance with his Pa.  He wore a sadness over the fact that he had to keep his father at bay for his own good even though he needed him now more than he ever had.  Joe missed all of the ways that Pa could ease his troubles and provide a gentleness in his touch that no-one else could.

“Thanks, Pa,” Joe whispered as he drank down the water.

“Have you had enough — I mean are you okay with telling us more tonight, Joseph?”

Joe nodded and brought the glass over to the hearth with him.  “I’ll just tell you what happened when I met Annabelle and her father – then maybe we can continue this tomorrow — there’s too much to tell in one night.  Everything that happened before the wedding – the wedding – and then –well what happened afterwards.”

Ben returned to his chair and refilled the wine glasses and handed one to each of his sons.  He then settled back into his chair.  When he watched Joe staring into his wine and seemed to be caught in deep reflection he waited.  Finally, Joe looked over at his family and continued.

**************************

“Joe this is Annabelle Copeland soon to be Annabelle Stafford.  Annabelle this is my brother,” Clay made the introductions there in the great parlor of the plantation house.

“Pleasure to meet you,” Joe said taking her hand.  He had noticed the long beige blonde hair and green eyes of the young lady and for just a brief moment his thoughts were taken back to the portrait of his mother that was inside of the locket he had given to his brother.  She was absolutely stunningly beautiful.

Annabelle cast an endearing smile over at the young man.  “My we can do better than that can’t we?’’ Suddenly her arms went around Joe’s neck as she gave him a hug.

Joe grinned and turned for Clay.  “Brother – does Annabelle have a sister?” He said staring into the green eyes of the girl who had stolen Clay’s heart.

“I’m afraid not, Joe.  I got the last of the line.  Now where’s your father, My Love?”

“Oh Daddy heard you all coming and he’s making drinks.  You know him – any occasion is a good one to have some Tennessee whiskey!”

Before anyone could say another word there was a cough at the doorway to the main room and they turned to see Annabelle’s father standing there with a tray in his hand.

“You must be Joseph,” The man said as he moved to set the tray down on the side table.  He walked over to Clay’s brother and held out his hand.

“Pleasure to meet you, Mister Copeland,” Joe returned and gave the man a handshake.  He had to stifle a grin as Annabelle’s father looked just like he imagined him to look.  He wore a white suit and a ruffled shirt and had on dark glasses.

“ My you two young men look so much alike.  Are you sure you were sired by different fathers?” The man asked with a twinkle of mischief in his eyes.

Joe’s laughter filled the room and he finally responded, “Well according to my Pa we weren’t from the exact same litter.  But we had the most beautiful mother that there ever was.  Of course, if you don’t mind me saying so, your daughter is a beauty herself.”

“I see where you get your charm, Clay, must’ve been from your and Joe’s mother!  And no, Joseph – I’d take offense if you didn’t notice how beautiful my daughter is!”

“I agree wholeheartedly!” Clay announced and turned and kissed his fiance.

“I take it your trip was comfortable,Joseph?  Because if it wasn’t my soon to be son- in- law has some pull with the railroad you know —right, Clay?”

“Yes, Sir,” Clay grinned.  “I made sure they brought him in safely.  “Now how about we all sit down and talk for just a few minutes and then let Joe get some sleep.  I’m sure he’s tired.”

The four of them took seats in the formal living room and Mister Copeland passed around drinks.  “I hope you like Tennessee whiskey, Joseph?”

“I’ve never had any whiskey other than what we call out west rotgut, Sir, but I’m willing to try anything,” Joe nodded and was handed the glass.

“Here’s to my beautiful daughter and my soon to be son — and his brother who will surely appreciate whiskey that won’t rot his gut,” Mister Copeland smiled as they all toasted.

Joe drank down the whiskey and took in a deep breath.  “It’s a bit strong — but it’s good,” Joe sang out though his throat was burning just a little.

“It’s nothing like that tequila I made you swill three years ago, is it, Joe?” Clay laughed.

“I thought you said it was pulque?”

Clay reached over and patted his brother’s shoulder and replied, “Brother, I had to tell you it was pulque or you never would have chugged it with me if you knew it was straight tequila!”

Joe laughed and shook his head while Mister Copeland refilled all of the glasses.

“Here’s to my brother who will now probably sleep through our wedding, Annabelle!”

“Very funny, Clay.  I’m not eighteen anymore — I can handle it,” Joe announced and chugged the drink straight down.

“I think that boy is from the south after all!” Mister Copeland smiled, very impressed at the way his guest was taking in his whiskey.

“Kind of getting a bit hot in here,” Joe mentioned after a few minutes.

“Okay – that’s it for tonight all,” Clay announced and reached for his brother’s left elbow.  He hauled him to standing and said, “This way to your room, Joe.  If you can make it.”

“Goodnight – great to meet you all,” Joe said as he was pulled down a long hallway by his brother.

****************************

Joe had made it through the first part of his story.  In deep reflection his heart ached at the way the beginning of his reunion with his brother had been so joyous and he had had such a wonderful time, that is, until the fever hit.

“I think I’ve about had it for the night,” Joe announced and stood from the hearth. “I’ll tend to my dishes and then go to bed.”

“Hop Sing is going to be here first thing in the morning, Son — they’ll keep go on to bed,” Ben insisted as he stood from his chair.

“Okay – but just leave them alone – all of you.  If Hop Sing is too tired or doesn’t get home I’ll handle them — agreed?”

“Okay – we won’t touch them,” Adam called over to his brother.

Hoss stood and stared over at his little brother and said, “Joe — thanks – thanks for telling us part of the story – we know it ain’t easy for you.”

Joe cast a quick look down at the floor and replied, “I’ll try to tell you more tomorrow.  Goodnight.”

Ben waited until they heard the door close to Joe’s bedroom.  “It’s a start, Boys, hopefully he’ll be able to tell us everything– and that just might be the catalyst to get him to the beginning of the healing stage.”

“I hope so, Pa.  I know after he tells us about the wedding then we’re going to have to coax him to tell us about the aftermath of the yellow fever epidemic,” Adam said.

“I know,” Ben sighed.  “Let’s go to bed – that’s tomorrow’s worry.”

****************************

After Ben had changed into his nightclothes he remembered that Joe hadn’t taken his last dose of quinine.  He donned his robe and slippers and went down the stairs to get a packet of the medicine and then walked back up to Joe’s room.  He knocked on the door and didn’t get a reply.  Slowly he eased into the room to see his son lying on his bed.

“Joseph?  Joe – are you asleep?” Ben whispered as he drew closer to the bed.

Joe blinked a few times and then stared up at his father standing there next to him.

“What’s wrong — what are you doing in here?” Joe asked sitting up in the bed.

“You forgot to take that last dose so I brought it to you.  Sorry it’s too late to give you any more wine so you’re going to have to take it in water.”

“Just set it on the night stand, Pa,” Joe insisted as he didn’t want him to get any closer to him.

Ben sighed and sat down in the chair.  “Now, Son, it’s about time you stopped worrying so much.  I’m not going to get anything from you.”

Joe’s mind had been so filled with deep recollections of what had happened to Clay that his fear had increased ever since he had started to recount the story downstairs to his family.

“Pa – it’s got to be this way — if not I’m just going to have to leave the Ponderosa!”

“Joseph – this is not Savannah – you’re home – you’re safe.  And you are not contagious,” Ben tried his best to calm the situation.

Joe rolled onto his stomach and cried,”I’m not going to lose you too, Pa.  Now just leave it on the night stand — just leave it and go to bed.”

“And if it was me— what if it was me— and I’d been in your situation – would you insist on staying away from me?”

“It’s not you, Pa — and if it were you who was infected I know that you’d have never come home until you were either better — or dead.  I was selfish for coming here and putting you – and everyone else at risk,” Joe sobbed.

“What’s it going to take?” Ben asked shaking his head.  “What’s it going to take to get through to you that even if I knew you were infected I’d still be in this room with you?”

“I know, Pa — that’s why you’re sitting here now – even though there’s a chance I could pass one of these diseases onto you.  But, I’d rather leave than to have you risk it.”

Ben stood and stared down at his son.  He reached over and set the packet of quinine on the night stand.  He didn’t want to leave Joe, especially as distraught as he was at the time, but he couldn’t get through to him no matter what he said.

“Joseph — have you lost your faith?” Ben whispered.

“I had faith– and then I saw two people that I love die – and I was chased through the swamps — by people who wanted me dead.  My faith left then, Pa.”

“You made it home – no matter what else happened– you got back to the ones who love you, Son.”

“Please go to bed, Pa — I can’t talk anymore.”

“I’ve left the medicine on your night stand.  I want you to take it.”

“I will,” Joe whispered.

“Good night, Joseph,” Ben called with sadness in his voice and feeling at a total loss as to what he could do to help his son.  He turned for the door and cast one last look over to Joe.  ***Please help him, Lord. *** Ben prayed and left the room.

**************************

Joe’s sleep was a troubled one with a montage of both pictures and events which had happened in Savannah and always ending with the death of Clay and Annabelle and the time spent in the swamp fighting off snakes, alligators and people who had wanted him dead.  He tossed back and forth trying to rid himself of the night terrors that he was experiencing when he heard the voice, the voice of Clay calling out to him.

*** Brother Joe, you’ve got to tell them — tell them what happened.  It will help you — you have to do it – do it for me! ***

Joe bolted up in his bed.  The voice had been Clay’s and the insistence in his plea seemed so real that it had caused him to wake up with a start.  He wondered if it was really a dream or if somehow his brother was sending him a message.  Joe looked over on his night stand and noticed that his mother’s locket was open and facing him.  He hadn’t left it like that and doubted if his Pa had touched it.  He leaned back against his pillows and fought to go to sleep and back to wherever his brother was.

****************************

After his brothers left for work Joe sat at the dining table opposite his father.  They hadn’t talked more than a word or two as the conversation from the previous night in his room had caused a rift between them, or so Joe surmised.  Finally, Joe got up the nerve to ask Pa the question he’d had ever since he had awakened from his dream.

“Pa?”

“Yes?” Ben asked, looking up from his newspaper.

“When you left that medicine on my night stand last night — well – you didn’t happen to move my locket did you?” Joe said staring intently over at his father.

Ben gave a questioning look and replied, “No, I never even noticed that the locket was on the night stand.  Is it missing?”

Joe shook his head.  “No – it was just opened – I checked and the latch is fine – no problem with the spring or nothing.”

“Are you sure that you closed it the last time you looked at it?”

“Yes, Sir – it was closed,” Joe nodded.

“Well, nobody else was in your room – not even Hop Sing.  I don’t know why it was open.”

Joe stared down at his plate and tried to forget what he had heard the night before, but it had seemed so real.

“I’ve got to go into town to get that fruit.  Would you like to come with me?  You’d just need to bundle up some since it’s gotten so cold out there,” Ben asked, as he thought he’d try and change the subject.

“No – I don’t want to sit that close to you, Pa,” Joe whispered, never looking over at the other man.

Ben sighed and set his coffee cup down.  “We’d be out in the fresh air, hardly a chance of my catching anything out in the open like that, don’t you think?”

Joe stood from the table and removed his dish and silverware.  “I’m gonna take these into the kitchen and give them a good cleaning.  Hop Sing said that he won’t be back until late tonight so I don’t want them just sitting around,” Joe stated not wanting to get into the issue of sitting next to his father.

Ben just shook his head as his son walked the long way around the dining table and made his way into the kitchen.  He wondered why Joe had mentioned his locket.  Ben hadn’t wanted to press him on it, as he seemed to be bothered by what had happened to it.

***************************

Once again the Cartwrights all gathered together in the living room after supper that night and all eyes fell on Joe.  The boy had been very quiet during dinner so they weren’t quite sure if he was going to talk to them about the rest of his story or not.

“Did you eat all of that grapefruit, Joe?” Ben asked as he set down his coffee on the table.

“Yes – I ate two of them – so I think I’ve had enough fruit for the time being,” Joe nodded.

“Good,” Ben returned and then shot a look over at both Adam and Hoss.  He was waiting for one of them to broach the subject with Joe.

Finally, Adam nudged Hoss and he knew why.

“Joe?  How about telling us what happened after that first night there at the plantation?  It sounds like Annabelle’s father was a nice man,” Hoss began.

“Was – yeah that’s right,” Joe said and drew in a deep breath.  “He was the first one we lost – that is – after the wedding.”

The other three Cartwrights exchanged glances and then stared back over at Joe.

Joe walked into the dining room and drank a glass of water and then he was caught up in yet another attack of coughing.  He almost tripped as he hurried over to the stairs to get away from his family.  The coughing lasted much longer than usual and Ben had to fight the strong urge to go over to his son.  The three of them sat staring across the room at Joe.

Ben couldn’t take much more of seeing his son’s distress.  He stood from his chair and called across to him.  “Do you want more water?”

Joe just waved for everyone to stay away.  He went down to his knees as he fought to catch his breath.

“That’s it!” Ben shouted and hurried to refill Joe’s water glass and then carried it over to his son.  “Darn it, Joseph, drink this right now!” Pa demanded as he handed the glass down to Joe.

Joe reluctantly pulled the glass out of his father’s hand.  “Okay— now go back to your chair, Pa!” Joe yelled.

“Don’t raise your voice to our father!” Adam called over to his little brother.  “I don’t care what you think you’re protecting us all from — but you don’t need to yell at Pa.  Now stop it, Joe!”

Joe dropped his head down and drew in a deep breath.  “I’m sorry,” He whispered.

“Drink your water, Joseph,” Ben responded quietly.  He was aware that the boy was petrified and it seemed during his coughing fits his fears were worse than any other time.

Joe downed the glass of water and then stood up again.  He moved across the room and set the glass down onto the dining table.

“I’m sorry – sorry for the way I’ve been acting,” Joe apologized, casting a guilt-ridden look over at all three men.  “I’m just scared— just scared of what could happen.”

“Come on back in here and talk to us,” Hoss coaxed and waved his little brother over to the living room.

Joe walked into the next room with his head still down, feeling upset over shouting at his father yet again.  At any other time in his life he never would have done that, but he had let his fear control his emotions and he couldn’t help himself.

“Why don’t you continue to tell us about the wedding, Joseph,” Ben finally spoke up, he was attempting to show his son that though he wasn’t happy about the way he had spoken to him, he did want Joe to try and get out more of his story in order to try and help him.

“That first week – the first week there at the plantation – we all just sort of hung around and got to know each other.  Mister Copeland had a nice little stable and everyone except him went riding.  We made it down south a bit right where you could see the Atlantic Ocean.  It looked so different from the Pacific – but you know that —-right, Pa?  From your sailing days?” Joe attempted to get back into his father’s good graces.

Ben forced a smile and nodded over to his son.  “Yes, I’d say it’s much greener than the Pacific.”

“So we rode the horses on the beach and had a picnic and I got to know Annabelle and I could tell how much in love the two of them were.  I’d never seen Clay happy like that.  I knew that my brother was going to have a good life —,” Joe paused and had to wipe away his tears.  “Well – that’s what I thought at the time.  Anyway, the second week we had a lot of things to take care of.  You know – had to get our suits for the wedding and pick out gifts  — meet people who were in the wedding.  Seems like Clay and I were on the go from morning until late at night.  But, a few days before the ceremony he and I went into the historic district of Savannah so he could show me the sights.  We had such a good time!  He told me all kinds of stories about the city and even tried to scare me with some ghost stories.  He showed me this one square where there was no Spanish moss.  You see just like Pa always said about New Orleans – that moss hangs from most of the trees all around the downtown area in Savannah.  But this one square it doesn’t they say because it’s where they hung the first woman in the state.  I guess there’s a curse or something.  Anyway that’s what he said – and we even went there at night just so he could try and spook me more,” Joe paused as the recollection had touched him and even brought a smile to his face.  It had been a typical thing that an older brother would do trying to scare their younger brother like that.  “He took me to this really old tavern that he said pirates use to frequent.  It was only a block from what they call River Street because the Savannah River is there.  Anyway, it’s a place where they actually had tunnels underneath and they’d get a guy drunk – take him down there– hit him over the head and next thing he knew he’d be on a ship heading out to God knows where.  Clay even showed me the tunnel opening.  Kinda reminded me of that trip we took that time to San Francisco, Pa – and you almost ended up shanghaied.  It was a heck of a place!”

Ben, Hoss and Adam marveled at the story Joe was now telling as it seemed to finally perk him up as he recalled the joyous time prior to all of the tragedies.

“Oh yes, Joe, I remember that trip very well!” Ben smiled and shook his head.  He wanted to keep the boy talking about the happy times he had spent with his brother.  “I’m glad you didn’t go too far into that tunnel, Joseph– you might have ended up on a ship too!”

“No, Pa – I was safe – and so was Clay – because of Rene.”

“Rene?” Hoss asked.  “Who was he– one of Annabelle’s family?”

Joe shook his head and sat back down onto the hearth.  “Hey – Pa – do we have any of that wine left?  I’ve got to take my medicine and maybe you and my brothers might like some?”

“I’ll go check,” Adam volunteered and headed into the kitchen.  He soon returned with both the wine and four wine glasses.  He set it all down onto the coffee table and poured for his family.

Joe waited until everyone had their glasses in hand and then retrieved his glass.  He reached into his shirt pocket and removed the packet and poured it into his wine, swilling it around some to mix it.

“To not getting shanghaied!” Hoss smiled and lifted his glass.

“That I can drink to,” Pa nodded and took a sip.

“So – what happened next, Joe?” Adam asked as he settled back on the settee.

“Well we just kind of walked the city – they’ve got it all plotted out in different squares with names of people like Oglethorpe and Washington– it’s such an old place.  And like I told you last night there’s a strange feeling in the air.  I mean it was hot as hell, that’s a fact, as by then it was the second week in July.  It doesn’t matter that it’s not far from the ocean– the breeze ain’t much help when you’ve got that type of heat.  Anyway we made use of every tavern that we came upon as we checked out the place together.  It’s strange – I mean I only knew Clay for about a month when he was here – but when we were together it was almost like it is when I’m with the two of you,” Joe paused and looked over at his brothers.  “I mean he teased me – and I irritated him – just like it’s supposed to be.  But he watched after me too, just to make sure I was okay.  Like you two do,” Joe nodded over to Hoss and Adam.  “See this is why I needed to be there – you know?  He needed a brother – and I was all that he had.  He never knew his Pa really and he had been kept from his mother – with his grandparents lying and telling him she was dead.  I think his life would’ve been so different if he’d had family – and maybe –,” Joe cut himself off, he had to.  He slowly drank his wine and then set the glass down.

“We all know how fond Clay was of you, Joe — you don’t need to tell us –we saw it when he was here.  And, it was because he loved you that he left – he didn’t want any harm to come to you,” Ben’s words came out soothingly.

“I know, Pa,” Joe agreed.

“What about that Rene fellow, Joe?” Hoss asked, hoping to take his brother’s mind off of the sadness he was starting to feel once again.

“Rene – he’s the man who saved my life.  If it hadn’t been for him – well I wouldn’t be here right now.  As we were going through the city Clay stopped at one of the squares and told me to wait that he had someone he wanted to introduce to me.  But he cautioned me about him.  You see – well – Rene was a big man – I mean even bigger than you Hoss.  And because of that for some reason people were afraid of him – and they mocked him too.  But Clay had found him hurt once when he had first moved to Savannah.  He tended him and helped him and after that they struck up a friendship.  Clay was always for the underdog you know?  I think he had felt like one for so long that he could see it in the cast offs and those who were shunned.  Anyway – he told me that Rene could only talk just a bit.  He’d never had a family and he’d grown up in the swamps before finding that he could get around in the Savannah squares just by going underneath the ground.”

“Huh?  How’d he do that, Little Brother?” Hoss asked.

“He found out that there’s a tunnel system that goes underneath a lot of the city.  That man could maneuver all over Savannah just by going down in the tunnels in the dark.  Clay had bought him a couple of lanterns and even supplied him with kerosene but most of the time he didn’t use it.  He was amazing.  We went to meet him one night – just after dark standing in Chippewa Square.  He just popped up like a gopher – ‘bout scared the heck out of me too!  He sure was big – just about four inches taller than Hoss.  And he was broad shouldered and strong as an ox too.  But, like I said he couldn’t really talk.  Clay had to coax him to meet me, he was shy and nothing like people said he was.  He wasn’t any monster – he was one of the kindest souls I’d ever met.  I owe him my life – and he tried so hard to help Clay and Annabelle!” Joe felt the onslaught of tears and turned towards the fireplace.

“How about another glass of wine, Joe?  This time you don’t have to put any quinine into it,” Adam sang out, seeing how affected Joe was by telling his story.

Joe simply nodded over to his older brother and swiped away his tears on his shirt sleeve.  He caught the look that was on Pa’s face and he knew that he was fighting the urge again; the urge to reach over to him.  Soon all four men had their glasses refilled and Ben spoke up.

“I’d like to propose a toast to your friend Rene, the man who helped to save my son,” Ben lifted his glass as did his sons.

“Thanks, Pa,” Joe whispered and took a drink of his wine.  “So Clay introduced me to Rene and the three of us sat in the square and Clay had brought some food for the big guy and we just hung out there while he ate.  Since he couldn’t form words right – I don’t know why – maybe there was something wrong in his mouth or something – and I never asked.  So when he spoke to you well – you just had to kind of figure out what he was trying to tell you.  When he spoke to Clay – well he could make the sound of Ca – which was like a kah sound, you know?  Soon I learned that Clay was Kah, Annabelle – who he adored by the way – was Ah, and later I was known as Jah.  He would point at things too, to let you know what he was trying to tell you.  It sure came in handy those days there in the swamp,” Joe stopped.  He wasn’t ready to go there, not yet.  That was after the wedding – and when everything had gone straight to hell.

“So what happened after you met Rene, Joe?” Adam tried to get the conversation back to a time where Joe wasn’t swept away by sorrow.

“I guess that about takes me up to around two days before the wedding.  Clay had been pretty busy with Annabelle, you know doing all of the last minute things that couples do so I just sort of hung around there in the historic district.  I was able to find Rene and we had a good old time in the tunnels just scoping the underside of the city out.  He and I just struck up and instant friendship kind of like he had with Clay.  Anyway when Clay and Annabelle found me and we all talked with Rene awhile then the three of us went down to River Street.  I’ll never forget that day,” Joe stopped and went back to how he had shared special moments with his brother and his fiance.

**************************

“Brother Joe, we’ve got a little surprise for you,” Clay grinned as he put his arm over his brother’s shoulder and steered him inside of a store along with Annabelle.

“Hey– what’s this place?” Joe asked looking around at all of the peculiar equipment.

“Joe this is where you’re going to get your picture taken.  Annabelle and I had ours taken earlier so we’d have a picture for our wedding day —even if it was two days early,” Clay grinned and reached over and kiss his soon to be bride.

“I don’t need any picture,” Joe argued.

“Oh yeah you do, Brother!  You and I are getting a picture taken of the two of us.  I’m going to have the man take two – one for you to take home and one for us to hang in our home.”

“But – I’m not exactly dressed for pictures, Brother,” Joe complained as he just had regular clothes on and he had gotten a bit grungy down in the tunnels with Rene at that.”

“You may come in now,” A  man came in from the back room and called out.

“Huh?” Joe sounded out, being caught by surprise by the man’s sudden approach.

Clay laughed at the confusion on his brother’s face.  “It’s okay, Joe –Annabelle using her magic that she does so well – managed to get your suit here and there’s a room back there for you to clean up.  So no excuses!  I’ll go get into my wedding suit and you’re going to get into your best man duds.  Now get!” Clay insisted and gave Joe a slight nudge towards the back of the store.

A little while later the two brothers were carefully posed by the photographer as Annabelle stood in front of them and made outrageous faces at them.

Joe couldn’t stop laughing and neither could Clay which had frustrated the photographer enough that he had to plead with Annabelle to step out of the room.  She walked across the street and stood by the river.

It had taken almost an hour for the harried photographer to set the undeveloped plates up and some of them he had to discard due to the two brothers goofing around with each other.  Finally there were two decent pictures of both Clay and Joe dressed in the suits which they would two days later be wearing to the wedding.  The photographer carefully wrapped both framed pictures and handed them to his customers.

“There you go, Joe – now every time you look at this it will be almost like we’re together, okay?” Clay announced as he smiled over at his brother.

“This is perhaps the best present I’ve ever had.  We sure are two good looking men, huh?  Bet our Ma would be happy that we’re together!”

“Joe – I’ll never be able to thank you enough for being here with me.  I know I could do this without you – but I sure wouldn’t want to.  You are my family – and I just want you to know — ,” Clay paused as he was swept away due to their emotional reunion and the fact that it wouldn’t be too long before he’d have to say goodbye to his brother again.

“Hey,” Joe began and hugged Clay close to him.  “We aren’t going to let three years go by without seeing each other, right?”

“No – no we won’t.  And just think – maybe some day soon– maybe by this time next year you might be an uncle!”

“I’d like that,” Joe nodded and smiled broadly.  “If I waited on Hoss or Adam to make me an uncle I’d be too old to play with the kid.  Of course you’ll name the kid after me, right?”

Clay put his arm across his brother’s shoulder as the two of them walked across the street to the river where Annabelle was waiting.  “You want me to call my daughter Joe?”

Joe shook his head and groaned.  “No – of course if it’s a girl it will be Marie –right?”

“Possibly – or maybe Annabelle Marie,” Clay smiled as he hurried to his fiance’s side and swept her into his arms and kissed her.

“Yeah but a boy— now if it’s a boy it’s gonna be Joe – right?” Joe persisted and heard both Clay and Annabelle laugh.  “Well – then his middle name?”

“Okay, Brother – we’ll see what we can do.  Now we have one last place we need to show you and then you and I have a bachelor party to go to.  Tomorrow will be the rehearsal and the dinner afterwards so this is one of our last nights together before I’m an old married man.  Now let’s get to the carriage,” Clay sang out and the three of them headed off to go back to the plantation.

Clay drove his brother and his fiance down to the area just south of their home.  It had long been decided by Mister Copeland that he’d turn over most of the house to his daughter and new son-in-law as he always spent half of the year at his house up in New England and wouldn’t be a nuisance to the newlyweds.  Clay was fine with that arrangement as Annabelle was an only child and he had grown quite fond of her father.  And it was because of all of that that Clay had proposed to Annabelle there on the plantation some six months prior.

“Here we are – go on and get out of the carriage, Joe.”

Joe stepped down and stood next to both his brother and Annabelle.  He looked around and all he saw was some fields, a few trees and a marshy area to the south.

“Why are we here?” Joe asked looking around for a clue.

“See this oak, Brother?” Clay asked as he leaned against a huge oak tree.

“Yeah – what about it?”

“This is our tree, right, Sweetheart?” Clay said and bent down and kissed Annabelle.

“Oh- nice that you’ve got a tree,” Joe quipped.  “I’ve got a whole forest of them at the Ponderosa why don’t the two of you come out west with me for about a hundred years and we’ll stop and see every last one of them?”

“Not just ANY tree, Little Brother, this is where I proposed to this beautiful woman.  Now it is officially our tree.  Some day our kids will play in it – and some day my brother will come back and sit under it with his nieces and nephews.”

Joe grinned and looked at the tree again and said, “Come to think of it is a special tree after all.  And I like the idea of coming back to see your kids.”

“Here you go, Joe,” Clay smiled and handed his brother a knife.

“What’s this for?”

Clay pointed to where he had carved both his and Annabelle’s initials.  “I want your initials there next to mine – so that as long as this old oak is around it will know that I have a brother.”

Joe had to turn around and swipe at his eyes, being very touched by what Clay had said.  “Darn old Georgia – must be some hay or something in the air,” Joe muttered.

Clay placed his arm on Joe’s shoulder and said, “C’mon, Brother – go and carve those initials with that left hand of yours so I’ll remember this day.”

Joe moved over to just below where the other initials were carved and slowly and carefully carved a J and a C.  He turned around and kissed Annabelle on the cheek and then gave Clay a quick hug.

“Thanks – both of you – for wanting me here,” Joe whispered.

“You are part of our family, Joe – always will be,” Annabelle said and smiled over at him.  “Plus as an uncle you’re sworn duty is to babysit whenever you come here!” She said and laughed.

“You got it!” Joe announced and the three young people stood there in front of the oak until darkness fell.

“Okay we’ve got a lot to get done –,” Annabelle stopped suddenly as she had to swat something on her arm.  “Darn old bugs are eating me alive, Clay,” She said shaking her head.

“You’re right about that,” Clay answered as he swatted something that had landed on the back of his neck.

“Maybe we’d better get out of here.  You know Daddy was down here a few days ago and he said there were swarms of bugs – must be the July heat.

“Okay everyone pile into the carriage,” Clay sang out.

Joe helped Annabelle up into the carriage and he got into the back.  “Ouch!  I’ll be hanged – something just got me too!” Joe yelled as he swatted something that had bit his chest just where he had loosened his buttons because of the heat.

“Honey maybe we’d better not plan on bringing our kids down here in the summer time, huh?” Clay smiled and reached over and kissed his soon to be bride.

“No— we’ll just raise them tougher than us and they’ll bite those nasty bugs right back!” Annabelle laughed.

****************************

“I think that might have been the start of all of it – but no-one really knows,” Joe said looking over at his family.  “For all I know we could’ve all gotten sick there at the wedding from someone who was in attendance.  Those stupid doctors all say different things and the people in the south don’t take much to get spooked about things like that either,” Joe sighed and drew in a deep breath.

“Well — other than the part about the insects it sure sounds like you had a wonderful day with those two, Joe,” Adam said.  “That package,” he paused and pointed over where it was on the sofa table.  “Is that the picture of you and Clay?”

Joe nodded, “Yeah – -but I’m not really ready to open it.  It’s been wrapped up since before the wedding.  I can’t handle it right now.”

Ben stared over at Joe and could see the despair increasing on his face and he decided that he’d better try and get all of his sons to go to bed.

“Boys, we’ve got a busy day tomorrow maybe we ought to try and get some shuteye?”

Hoss read the look on his father’s face and could see the slight nod to his head that was a signal that they needed to agree with him.  “Yeah — I guess you’re right, Pa.  Joe thanks again — those were some interesting stories that you told us tonight.  I’m glad that you have some good memories at least.”

“How about you telling us some more tomorrow, Kid?  We still want to hear about the wedding you know?”

Joe nodded over to both of his brothers.  “Maybe tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Pa,” Both of Ben’s two oldest sons called over to him.

“Goodnight,” Ben answered and watched as they walked up to their rooms.  He turned his attention on his youngest.  “Isn’t it about time that you went to bed too, Joseph?  You remember what Doc said about you getting rest.”

“Yes, Sir,” Joe returned solemnly.  He still carried a guilty conscience for having yelled at his father and on more than one occasion.  Walking across to the staircase Joe paused halfway there.  “Pa?” He called quietly.

“Yes?”

“I – well I –I really didn’t mean to yell at you – I’m sorry – no matter how worried I am I never should have raised my voice to you.”

Ben stared over at Joseph and shook his head over the whole situation.  He was a bit annoyed with the boy and yet he also understood where Joe’s anger had come from.  It was hard to stay angry with him due to the fact that his son’s actions were being controlled by him being terrified of losing his Pa.  Still he didn’t want to completely let Joe off of the hook for fear of him being consumed by the notion that he was a threat to his pa.  Ben felt as though he was walking a tight rope and that so was Joe and any move that either of them made could send one of them over the edge.

“Goodnight, Joseph — and don’t forget to take that last dose of medicine before you go to sleep.”

Joe couldn’t quite read what was in his father’s eyes from that distance across the room and he sure couldn’t draw closer to him due to the situation.  He hoped that there might be some forgiveness in them if he could have looked into them at the time.  “I will, Pa,” Joe nodded and sadly walked up the stairs.  He felt in trying to save his pa that he was also losing him in a way.  Without the close bond that they had always shared their relationship was definitely struggling.

***Oh Joseph – what’s it going to take? *** Ben thought to himself as the boy’s form disappeared up the stairs.  *** Goodnight Son. ***

 ***************************

Adam heard the coughing from the next room as he sat at Ben’s desk in the study the next morning and went over the contracts which Pa had taken in to see their attorney earlier that week.  He hadn’t noticed Joe coming down the stairs.  The sound seemed to be coming from the kitchen, and he knew that it wasn’t Hoss as he had  already left to pay the hired hands.  He decided to get up and see who it was.

“Pa?  Was that you coughing?” Adam asked as he made it into the kitchen and saw his father standing there at the stove.

“Just a bit, Son.  I just have a little tickle in the back of my throat.  It’s probably due to the weather change – and I’ve been out in it almost every day this week.”

“Do you think you need to see Doc?”

Pa frowned and shook his head.  “Now don’t tell me you’re going to panic?  I’ve got to hide this from Joseph or he will probably leave the Ponderosa forever.”

Adam shook his head.  “Pa – I don’t think you have yellow fever and you sure as heck haven’t been in any swamp neither – it’s probably a cold but it wouldn’t hurt to hear it from Doc just so you can set Joe straight if he does find out.  Here let me see,” Adam reached up to feel his father’s forehead.  “No fever that I can detect.”

“I guess I do need to have Paul give me a diagnosis just in case your brother hears me coughing.  But until I get back will you run interference for me?  If Joe asks make up something — -somebody I had to go and talk with or something like that.”

“Well – I checked those documents over and so did William.  I don’t see any reason for you not signing them now.  Why don’t you just go drop them off then we won’t get stuck with a fib we have to cover up in case we don’t get our stories straight?”

Ben grinned, “See all of that college was worth it!  You are very intelligent – just like your father.  Okay, I’ll head into town and go and drop off the papers then go see Paul.  Hold down the fort for me – and make sure Joe gets in two doses of that quinine will you?”

“Sure, Pa – now go ahead and get ready in case the kid decides to make an appearance.”

*************************

Ben’s diagnosis had been right on the money according to Doctor Paul Martin.  He had a slight cold and a dry cough which went with it.  He had given Ben some cough syrup and told him to stay warm and not go out into the weather for a few days in order to let it run its course.  Once Ben had told Paul how worried he was that Joe would automatically assume that he had given his father yellow fever or some other disease the doctor wrote down the diagnosis on a piece of paper.  They both decided that in case Joe brought it up that it wouldn’t hurt for Ben to be able to produce the note from Doc.  After dropping by the signed contracts, Ben rode home and settled in.  He was glad that Joe was up in his room resting so that he didn’t hear him discussing what went on in town with his brothers.  Ben also took his first dose of the cough syrup in the hopes that it would keep the coughing at bay.

Hop Sing had made it home just long enough to drop off two chicken pot pies that only had to be kept in the warming oven.  Then the cook had gone back into town to help take care of one of his cousins who was finally on the mend.

“I’m sure glad old Hop Sing treated us to pot pies, Pa.  You’re a decent cook but well I think we’re all a bit spoiled,” Hoss remarked after clearing the dishes from the table.  He looked across to where Joe was just finishing his third glass of water.  Hoss knew better than to try and take the place setting away from his little brother.

Joe had cast a few concerned glances over at the end of the table opposite him during dinner.  Pa’s face didn’t look quite right and his nose seemed a bit off color to him as well.

“Pa?  Pa, you feeling okay?” Joe asked as he watched his father get up and move over to the living room.

“I’m fine, Joseph,” He replied and sat down in his chair.  He had begun to have the sniffles and had to dab at his nose with his handkerchief every now and again but always away from Joe’s wary eyes.

All of Ben’s sons gathered around the fireplace and soon the room fell hushed.

“Joe – you want to tell us about the wedding now?” Adam called over to his brother trying to distract his gaze from the way it had been staring over at Pa.

“I don’t know,” Joe muttered.  “Pa?  Pa you sure you’re okay?” Joe reiterated trying his best to get a good look at his face.

Ben frowned and drew in a deep breath.  “Joseph, I want you to listen to me.  And, just so you know – if you get upset and try to run out of this house – then all bets are off and I will personally pick you up by the scruff of your neck, toss you into your room and then lock you in there for a good six months.”

“Are you sick?” Joe asked, and this time his voice was filled with panic and it quavered.

“I have what is known as a cold.  That is all.  Nothing more!  I’ve seen Doc and he wrote the diagnosis down so you’d believe it,” Ben paused and reached into his pocket and pulled out the piece of paper and set it down onto the coffee table.

Joe drew it up and stared at it suspiciously.  “Is he – is he sure?”

“Yes he is,” Ben nodded adamantly.  “Now how about you telling us about Clay’s wedding?”

“Pa – I – I –,” Joe couldn’t continue, he couldn’t hide his overwhelming worry over whether he had made his father sick.

“Go ahead, Pa – lift him by the scruff of his neck – I’m giving odds that you can even with a cold!” Hoss sounded out, trying to shake his brother out of the dread very evident on his face.

“Now tell us about the wedding,” Adam jumped in.

“Just a cold — honest?” Joe asked once again, turning his eyes on his pa.

“Yes – just like that piece of paper says.  Now go on with your story, Joseph, because I really don’t remember where I hid that key to your bedroom door and I don’t feel like going to look for it.”

Joe’s face took on an angered countenance and he replied, “It’s not funny, Pa – and I don’t think you should be kidding around about this!”

Ben leaned forward in his chair and gazed over at his youngest.  “Who said I was kidding?  Don’t try my patience – I can get grouchy when I’ve got a cold.  Now go on with your story.”

Joe frowned and stared over at his two brothers who appeared to be just fine with the fact that their father was sick.  “I don’t feel like telling any stories.”

“Come on, Little Brother, it’ll help you and we want to know.  Let’s hear about the wedding,” Hoss did what he could to encourage Joe.

Groaning loudly but not wanting to make his father angry, Joe gave in to the request.  “Okay – it was a Saturday – the weather was perfect, not a cloud in sight.  Clay and I were decked out in our suits – top hats and all.  We mingled with some of his and Annabelle’s friends and acquaintances who were there at the plantation for the wedding.  They decided to have an outdoor wedding in the rose garden.  It’s where Clay introduced me to a man he’d come to know as a mentor when he’d first arrived in Atlanta.  It was Doctor James Hardin – the doctor who later harbored me once I got back there and still had yellow fever.  He had taken Clay underneath his wing as almost a father figure and even helped him to get the job with the railroad.   If I hadn’t gotten to his place – well I might never have made it home,” Joe paused and stared back over at Ben who was dabbing his nose with his handkerchief once more.  The sight almost took Joe’s breath away.

“The sniffles are part of having a cold, now go on, Joseph,” Ben explained and then nodded towards the boy.

“Like I said – the weather was perfect and the guests were all dressed up and were in great spirits.  That’s when we had the first hint of trouble.”

*************************

“Joe – if you get a lay over in Atlanta for any length of time look me up,” Doctor Hardin smiled and shook the boy’s hand once more.  “It sure is a good thing you were able to make it — Clay had been counting on you – and you got me out of it as I was your back up in case you hadn’t showed.  I’d much rather sip my drink and have a good time than to be worrying about losing a wedding ring!”

“Oh no!” Joe sang out and started patting all of the pockets in his dress jacket.  “The ring – I’ve misplaced it!”

Clay stared hard at his brother and then sent a slight punch at his arm.  “I’m not going to fall for it, Joe!  I happen to know it’s in your left pocket all secure.”

Joe laughed and nodded.  “Yeah – you know I’d never mess up my chance as being the best best man!”

“Well, Boys, I’m going to refresh my drink.  Best of luck, Clay – and so nice to meet you, Joe!” Doctor Hardin said and walked over to the refreshment table.

“You getting nervous yet?” Joe teased Clay.

“I’m marrying the most wonderful, most beautiful girl in the world today.  Now what do I have to be worried about?” Clay replied and dropped his arm around his brother’s shoulder.  “Hey we’ve got to go in there soon and double check our appearance before stepping outside for the ceremony.”

“Clay!” A woman called out from the doorway.  “Clay, come over here a minute will you?”

“Who’s that?” Joe asked.

“It’s Annabelle’s aunt.  Let’s go see what she wants.”

Joe and Clay walked over to the door and looked up at the panic on the woman’s face.

“Mary, this is my brother Joe,” Clay made the introductions.

“Nice to meet you, Joe.”

“Pleasure,” Joe nodded over to her.

“Now what’s the problem?” Clay asked.

“Can you go in and check on Annabelle’s father?  The maid said he’d asked for something for his stomach earlier.  Just make sure he’s okay because he has to walk Annabelle out in fifteen minutes.”

“Joe,” Clay paused and looked at his brother.  “I’ll be right back.  Can you go find Doctor Hardin just in case I need him?”

“Sure I’ll head out to get him and bring him right to Mister Copeland’s room.”

Clay rushed into his soon to be father-in-law’s bedroom.  “Dad, are you going to be alright?”

Mister Copeland sat on the end of his bed and looked up at Clay.  “Nothing to worry about, Son.  I’ll be able to walk my little girl down the aisle in just a few minutes.  I just might have a touch of the fever but that won’t stop her old man!”

“Dad, maybe we’d better just make sure,” Clay paused when there was a knock on the door and he let both Joe and Doctor Hardin inside.

“Well do we have some jitters going on with the father of the bride?” Doctor Hardin smiled as he approached the bed.

“James – blast you!  I don’t have any time for any doctor nonsense I’ve got to go give my baby away now!”

“Let me just give you a quick once over — I won’t even charge you,” The doctor smiled and checked the man’s pulse and then his forehead.  “You’ve got just a touch of  a fever, Cope old friend.”

“Fever!  Why it’s the middle of July in Georgia EVERYBODY’S got a fever at this time of year.  Now if someone would help me into my coat I’ve got a wedding to go to,” Mister Copeland insisted and stood from the bed.

“Don’t worry, Clay,” James whispered as he pulled him aside.  “These nuptials generally are over in just a few minutes,  Your soon to be father- in- law will be fine until he sees his little girl become your bride and then I’ll give him a good check up.  I even brought my medical bag – it’s out in my carriage.”

“Thanks, Doc,” Clay nodded.

“Joseph, you go and make sure Clay has his blasted yellow rose on his suit or Annabelle will start her married life fussing at her husband the way her mother started our marriage fussing at me!”

“Yes, Sir,” Joe smiled and grabbed his brother by the arm and hustled him out of the room and across the hall to where they had both dressed.

**************************

Just a short time later both brothers stood outside with their best dress suits, and black matching top hats on their heads as they waited for the music to commence.

“Joe – well – I’ll never be able to thank you – for being here and for being my brother,” Clay whispered.

Joe patted his brother’s back and replied, “Now don’t get me all weepy eyed – I’m emotional enough at weddings!  But – well – you and Annabelle are made for each other and I couldn’t be happier for you both.  I hope happily ever after lasts forever and a year for the both of you.  I love you, Brother.”

“Now you’re gonna make me weepy eyed!  I love you, Brother,” Clay replied and patted Joe’s shoulder as the music began.

****************************

“I wish you could have seen the two of them.  If ever two people had been placed on this earth by God to be together it was Clay and Annabelle,” Joe whispered as he fought back tears once more.

“It sounds like a beautiful wedding,” Pa remarked softly, very much aware that soon the awful events would be unfolding in his son’s retelling of what had happened next.

“Here,” Adam sang out and that night instead of wine he had poured four glasses of his father’s expensive brandy.  He set the tray down onto the coffee table.  “Here, Pa – it won’t hurt that cold of yours and just might help it.  Hoss you and Joe help yourselves,” He said after handing their father his glass and then sitting down next to Hoss on the settee.

Joe pulled the glass up to his lips.  It only took two sips before he was seized with a coughing fit.  And, just as he had every single night since he had returned from Georgia, Joe pulled the handkerchief up to his mouth and ran across the room.

“Leave him alone, Boys,” Pa whispered to Hoss and Adam.  They had learned the hard way to just let Joe handle it on his own.

Joe coughed for close to five minutes before it eased up and he pulled himself off of his knees.  Without speaking he made his way into the dining room and poured a glass of water and downed it quickly.

“Maybe brandy isn’t such a good idea for you, Kid,” Adam sang out as Joe retook his seat on the hearth.

Before Joe could answer he turned when his father began to cough.  He stared over at him with absolute terror all over his face.

“Brandy breaks up congestion,” Ben remarked as he settled back.  “This is also part of having a cold, Joseph.”

Joe pulled up his hands to cover his face filled with both the bereavement that he felt over losing his brother and a kind of dread that seized his heart over the possibility that he could lose his pa too.

“Go on with your story, Joe,” Hoss called to his brother.

“What’s the point?  You all know – they’re all dead –everyone but me!  Just what in the hell good will it do anyone to hear it now?” Joe replied angrily.

He could almost hear his brother Clay’s words from a few nights ago urging him to tell his story.  Joe had fought it but the idea that it just might have been a real message sent to him from Clay made him finally continue.

“Mister Copeland was sicker than anyone knew.  After the reception – and the last dance that he had with his daughter he grew sicker and Doctor Hardin called in a local doctor to confer with.  The dreaded news hit by the time that the last guests were leaving the wedding celebration.  Mister Copeland was dying from yellow fever.  You’ve never seen such frightened people before unless you were there that night.  They just about ran out of the plantation.  Everyone was sure that Mister Copeland had given the disease to all who were in attendance.  Even Annabelle’s aunt was full of panic and left right away.  Soon the only ones there were the three of us because even the maid had left.   Doctor Hardin had given his suggestions but he had to head back into Atlanta on the very next train or risk being quarantined there in Savannah away from his family.

Clay and I tried to calm Annabelle down.  He made her take a sedative that Doctor Hardin had left and Clay went and stayed with her until she fell asleep.  Some wedding night, huh?” Joe stopped and reached for the brandy and tried to sip it a bit slower this time.

“So they didn’t know what caused it?” Hoss asked bewildered.

“They STILL don’t know what causes it, Hoss!” Joe shouted and then apologized.  “I’m living proof – you know?  I mean after months my skin is still yellow and I’ve still got a fever — I still can’t stop drinking and well you can see how well my cough is doing!  But, just why I didn’t die – and they did – well who the hell knows?  Some say it’s spread by contact with someone you might run into who has it and maybe doesn’t know that they do.  Some say it’s insects that spread it – but they don’t know which ones – and trust me Georgia has more insects than most of this country put together.  But, the bottom line is there’s no cure.  Mister Copeland lasted until the day after the wedding.  We couldn’t even give the man a decent burial.  Not one cemetery would take a yellow fever victim!  Oh no — the bodies have to be burnt.  Once an epidemic starts the bodies pile up and they just toss them into a big old pile and fire it up,” Joe had to stop, it was hurting his heart too much.

Ben looked up at Joe who now stood in front of the fireplace his face turned away from all others in the room.  If it had been any other time and any other circumstance, cold or no cold, Ben would have pulled Joe to his chest and comforted him.  But he couldn’t even attempt that now, not with his son so sure that he would make his Pa sick and not with the fact that he could tell that Joe was worried about the cold that his father had gotten.

“What happened,” Adam called over to Joe.

“Clay and I snuck out of the house the day after Mister Copeland passed away.  Rene had heard somehow – Clay had invited him to the wedding but he didn’t want to be around so many people.  Maybe he watched from a distance?  I don’t know.  But as Clay and I made our way out in the dark of night suddenly Rene showed up and helped us bury Annabelle’s father.  We put him out about fifty yards from the back porch.  All of us were scared because rumors were going around that people might come by to board up the house with us in it.  They’ve even been known to set fire to a place that has cases of yellow fever inside.  What lovely Christian folks they have down in the south, huh?”

“Joseph– not all people are like that – just like Clay’s friend Doctor Hardin and your friend Rene.  Don’t condemn everyone for some awful people,” Pa addressed what his son had said.

Joe settled down onto the hearth and took another drink.  “Two days after we buried Mister Copeland Annabelle started feeling sick.  If you could’ve seen the look on Clay’s face – it was like he died that same day – so worried about her.  We took turns bathing her face – trying to cool her with rubbing alcohol.  I helped fan her and took turns with Clay so he could get some sleep.  The very next day when Clay woke up he was sick too.  I put them both in the same bed though he fought me over it.  Thank God for Rene– -he brought us food – don’t ask me where he got it.  I couldn’t go out to get any.  I was too badly needed to care for both of them and I couldn’t have bought any even if I’d wanted to.  Everyone had huddled together and knew that I was staying with the Copeland family and they said I was a carrier.  Yeah, even the fact that I was from out in the west started rumors that I had brought yellow fever from Nevada.  It doesn’t matter that it didn’t make any sense, people who are scared can come up with the worst kind of sick and twisted lies!  Anyway – Rene brought me food to try and get down Clay and Annabelle and for a day or so it almost seemed like Clay was getting better.  That’s when I began to get sick.  It was the most hopeless feeling in the world – here I wanted to save both of them and suddenly I couldn’t even save myself.  I do remember one night Clay appeared in my room.  He was ghostly white – but he’d brought in the rubbing alcohol and just spread it all over me.  His hand was hot as fire – I can feel it even now – and yet he was trying to cool me down,”  Joe drew in a deep breath and fought with all that he had left inside to go on with what had happened.

**************************

“Joe – listen – you’re going to make it out of here.  I’m not going to let my brother die!” Clay insisted as he bathed Joe’s fevered brow.

“Clay?” Joe spoke out weakly.  “Clay you need to be in bed – I’ll be okay – you go back to bed – you need to stay with Annabelle.”

“Joe – little brother – Annabelle – well – she died today.  Joe the only thing that matters to me now is you.  You aren’t going to die, do you hear?  Now drink this down – do it!”

Joe was barely able to lift his head but he didn’t want to make Clay attempt to do it so he used whatever reserves he had left.  He slowly sipped the broth.  “Clay – oh Clay!  I’m so sorry – so sorry – but you can’t give up – Annabelle wouldn’t like that – not one damn bit!  Please – please fight.  I need you – fight for me and I’ll fight for you,” Joe pleaded.

“Rest, Joe – I’ve got to go check the doors.”

“Check the doors?  Why?  Why do you need to check the doors?”

“Because they’ll come to take Annabelle and I won’t let that happen.  I’d sooner die here with her.  Just stay down, Joe.” Clay walked off into the other room.

Joe didn’t know where he had found the strength to get out of his sick bed but he did.  He was filled with terror over what Clay had said.  Joe could read it in the angry eyes of his brother that no-one was going to take his wife away even in death.”

“Clay!” Joe called after he had pulled on his shirt and boots.  He halfway fell into the hall when he heard the sound close to the front door.  “Clay!” Joe shouted again.  He heard the blast of the shotgun and heard Clay yelling something.

Finding his way to the front door, Joe saw Clay leaning there next to one of the big picture windows off to one side.  Clay had fired right through the window pane.

“I scared the hell out of those bastards, Joe,” Clay cast a weak smile over to his brother.

“Clay why do they want to take Annabelle?  I don’t understand?”

“To burn her – they want to burn the love of my life, Joe.  I won’t let them.  And I won’t let them hurt my brother either!” Clay exclaimed.

“Tell me where the guns are – I can’t find my bags – my Colt was inside of one of them but both of the bags are missing.  Do you have a pistol or another shotgun?”

Clay smiled as he settled his hand down onto Joe’s shoulder.  “That’s right – you and me, Joe.  Remember when I said we’d go on down to Mexico and see how the revolution was going?  Well you and I will have our own little revolution right here in Savannah!  I’ll tell you what I’ll do – there’s a secret passageway that Annabelle’s father showed me and it’s chock full of pistols and rifles.  We’ve just got to make it down to the basement.  It’s dark so follow me – give me your hand, Brother.”

Joe held out his hand and soon he was pulled down the hallway and out into the grand parlor and then into the kitchen where there was a door that went down to the bottom level.  Joe stayed close to his brother, fighting with each step that he took in order to keep up with him.

**************************

“I just can’t! I can’t tell you what happened – everyone – leave me alone now,” Joe cried and bolted up the stairs.  It had all come on him so quickly that he felt the heat from the fever, the touch of his brother’s hand and the dreaded hopelessness of the situation.  It was as if he was reliving every single moment.

“I guess we pushed him a little too far tonight, Pa,” Adam frowned.

“Yeah – maybe we should’ve stopped him, huh?” Hoss remarked, fighting tears over the story that Joe had told.

“That poor kid,” Ben fought back his own tears due to seeing how the whole terrible event had harmed his son.  “Let the boy rest tonight.  I’ll have a talk with him in the morning.  I know that he’s got to be exhausted both physically and mentally.”

“Okay, Pa,” Hoss nodded and shook his head.  He wished he had the words to help his little brother.  Both his and Adam’s worried gaze tracked up the staircase.

***************************

Everyone had gone up to their rooms shortly after Joe had turned in that night.  Ben fought his desire to go and see if the boy was alright especially after all of the heartbreaking tales he had told to his family.  He couldn’t do it.  It had gotten far too difficult for Pa to stay at arm’s length from his youngest and now it was an unbearable situation.  Joseph needed his father, Ben was sure of it, but with his mind caught up in the horrifying events that he had lived through the boy would never let his guard down.  Passing Joe’s closed bedroom door all that Pa could do was to say a prayer for his son.

Joe stole into the quiet hallway around two in the morning.  He thought he’d heard a cough coming from Pa’s room and that made him stop dead in his tracks.  Yes, he knew that his father had said that he only had a mere cold, but Joe found that too hard to fathom at the time.  It seemed too coincidental that he had come home with a cough and now Pa had one too.  Joe would rather have taken a bullet than to have caused his father to get sick.  The sound of coughing abated so he continued to the staircase.  He needed to go down there in order to think and figure out what he should do.  Joe had wanted to leave the Ponderosa altogether now, and perhaps, if he’d ever lose the yellow cast in his eyes and on his skin he might venture back one day.  But, if he still had a cough or the unquenchable thirst he’d never be able to go home again.  Joe had no idea what swamp fever was, only that it had been a fact that he had spent a few days in the swamp down there just to the south of the Copeland plantation in Savannah.  He didn’t even know if there was a cure for swamp fever, though he’d taken quinine every single day since Doc had brought it to the ranch and nothing had changed.  Joe eased cautiously down to the living room and sat down there on the hearth.  He bent forward and dropped his head down in his hands.  As the heartbreaking visions of his last few precious moments with his brother Clay filtered into his mind sobs shook Joe’s chest.

“Joseph?” Ben whispered from there on the landing of the staircase.

Joe had heard his name and, caught up in his memories for a minute, thought that it was Clay calling out to him for help.  He finally pulled his head up and turned to see Pa standing there in his robe and slippers.

“Go on to bed, Pa,” Joe called over to him and turned his face back in the other direction.

“I can’t – not when I know you’re down here alone like this,” Ben replied and finished his trek down into the living room.  He pulled his fist to his mouth and coughed into it.

Joe shot a petrified look across the room so terrified that his father had somehow caught one of the two diseases that he had come home with.

“Just my cold, Son,” Ben offered after witnessing the pure panic etched all over Joe’s face.

“And – what if it’s not – what if it’s not a cold?” Joe stammered.

“It’s a cold,” Ben countered fervently.  “Now – why are you down here?”

“I – I couldn’t get it out of my head – what happened after – after Clay pulled me along with him.  I couldn’t shut off my brain,” Joe confessed in a voice that was barely above a whisper.

Ben settled down into his chair and stared over at his son.  “Tell me.”

Joe was surprised by his father’s request, he surely had to know that there was no way possible he’d ever be able to recount all that had happened.

“I said tell me, Joseph,” Ben called again, this time more firmly.

“I – I can’t – I can’t.”

Ben nodded over to his son, “Yes you can– you’ve got to get it out, Joseph.  It will haunt you forever if you don’t.  Now, it’s just the two of us, no-one else.  Do you trust me with it?”

Joe shot a quick glance over to his father and then looked back down to the floor.  “I trust you,” He whispered.

“Okay, Clay pulled you along – and he was taking you down the stairs.  Then what happened?”

Joe sucked in a deep breath and stood and paced there in the small path between the coffee table and the fireplace.  He fought to release the dreaded details.

“Clay – he had me by the hand – and he was pulling me to where the kitchen was.  He said there was some kind of secret passageway and that we could find us some guns.

Joe wasn’t aware of his brother’s plan until he’d thought about it after the fact.  But now he knew and now he had to relate from Clay’s own perspective why he had done what he had that night.  Clay wasn’t going to let his bride go, not even in death.  He had known that he wasn’t long for the world as well.  He had to get rough with his brother for fear of him falling victim to the incensed mob forming outside of the house.  Clay had no other recourse than to do what he had done.  Pretending that the two of them needed to escape into the kitchen and from there down through the passageway where the guns were hidden he grabbed his brother’s hand and pulled him into the darkened staircase leading to the sub-floor level.

**************************

“You sure we’re heading in the right direction, Clay?  I can’t see a thing,” Joe asked as his brother continued to grip his left wrist, tugging him along with him.

“Yeah, Brother – it won’t be much farther now.  We’ll just take care of those men who want to set fire to this place burning it down around us.  Just hold on, Joe, we’re just about there.”

“Why– why would they want to set fire to this place – I still don’t understand?”

“Because I won’t let them take Annabelle – she belongs with me, Joe.  Now come on we’ve not got much time.”

Joe’s feet hit onto the dirt floor and still Clay was pulling on his wrist moving towards one of the interior walls which was only slightly visible.

“Where are the guns, Clay?  I can’t see a thing!” Joe exclaimed staring into the darkness.

“Just a minute, Joe – I’ll get you some light.  Here let me bring you a bit closer to this door there’s almost a full moon that’s casting some light in here.”

Joe again felt his arm almost wrenched out of socket by the strong pull from Clay’s hand as he moved him closer to the door.

Joe heard a sliding sound but couldn’t figure out what it was.

“Clay?  I thought I heard something, is someone else down here?”

“No – it was me, Brother.  Joe – listen my hands are full hold this for me.  Just reach out your right hand – I can’t see too good right now.”

Joe felt his left wrist finally being loosed from his brother’s grasp.  He figured Clay might be hunting for the weapons.

“Here’s my hand, Clay,” Joe whispered and held it out towards the sound of his brother’s voice.

“Here, Joe,” Clay called and placed the object in his brother’s outstretched hand.

Joe felt of it though he couldn’t see it.  “Hey – what’s this?” Joe asked, confused, he had been expecting a pistol and whatever was in his palm was way too small for that.

In one swift move Clay pulled the door open and shoved his brother outside.  “I love you, Joe — -now will you go home – where you belong?” Clay sang out and then swiftly shut the door separating the two brothers.  He slid the bar back into place blocking Joe from coming back inside.

Joe now knew what was in his hand, it was his mother’s locket and his brother had said the very same words he had said to him there on the Ponderosa the last night that they were together.

“Clay!  Clay let me in!  Clay I want to be in there with you!  I can help you!” Joe screamed at the top of his lungs as he tried fruitlessly to push the door open.  He turned around when he heard the sounds of people gathering somewhere around the yard and then witnessed torches being sailed through the air.  The house was quickly set ablaze.

“Jah— Jah,” Came the voice of Rene as he reached down and grabbed Joe  Cartwright up in his massive arms and carried him away from the crowd that had set the plantation house on fire.

*************************

Joe collapsed down onto his knees dropping his head onto his folded arms there on top of the coffee table.  With sobs shaking his frail body he cried over the loss of his brother.  Pa went down to his knees right alongside of his son and attempted to pull him to his chest in order to help bear his sorrow and his burden.  Joe pushed his father back roughly, so swept up in his fear of somehow giving Pa yellow fever.

“Go away, Pa!  Get back!” Joe shouted.

Ben refused to stop trying to comfort his son and finally, after three failed attempts, he was successful in bringing his youngest up into his arms.

“No!  No, Pa!  I don’t want to lose you too, Pa!” Joe cried out in desperation struggling to pull himself free from his father’s tight hold.  “I can’t lose you — I can’t!  I’ve already made you sick —let me go Pa — I won’t lose you too!” Joe’s pleas shot out filled with raw panic and uncontrollable fear.

“You didn’t make me sick, Joseph— and you’re not going to lose me!  It’s okay – it’s okay – I’ve got you — you’re safe now – you don’t have to run away from me anymore,” Ben whispered as he knelt there rocking Joe back and forth in his strong unrelenting hold, never releasing his son from his embrace.

“Oh – Pa,” Joe cried as he finally surrendered to the love and compassion he found there in his father’s arms.

“It’s going to be okay – it’s going to be okay, Joseph,” Ben reassured as he ran his fingers through his son’s hair in an attempt to calm him.

“Clay – Clay I lost him, Pa – I tried to get back in but he wouldn’t let me.  I lost him – and then when you got sick – I thought I had given you the fever —and when I heard you cough – oh, Pa — I can’t lose you too!” Joe convulsed in tears so swept up in the intense dread which had been realized when he lost his brother and later had thought he would lose his father as well.  He buried his face in his father’s chest and tried to believe that his Pa would be alright.  He had been so petrified that he would lose his father, and his anxiety had only grown in magnitude the minute he had heard him coughing.  “You – you really don’t have what I have?  I didn’t give it to you?”

Ben smiled and shook his head.  “It’s just a cold, Joseph – just a little cold – nothing’s going to happen to me,” He whispered and pressed his lips to his son’s forehead for the first time since Joe had come home.

“But – Pa – I’m still sick – still have a cough – still have a yellow cast to my skin– and that thirst that doesn’t go away,” Joe’s worries had finally gone full circle as he listed all of his symptoms.

“You’re not contagious – you haven’t been contagious since you got home – you’re the only one who thought that you were.  There’s a much stronger chance of you getting my cold now than me getting anything from you, Joseph.  And, you are going to get better – you’ve just got to give it some time.  You’ll see,” Ben whispered.

Joe closed his eyes and for the first time in over five months he didn’t feel like he had to push everyone away in order to protect them from the disease he carried.  Pa was there holding him and Joe finally realized that he didn’t have to feel guilty about not running away from the love which he was freely offering him.  At long last he was starting to believe that he wasn’t going to make Pa sick, nor anyone else in his family sick, no matter how bad his coughing got or what his skin looked like.  The persecution was left back there in Georgia, it hadn’t really followed him home after all.  There wasn’t anyone outside getting ready to set the place on fire or hunt him down and force him to seek shelter in the swamp.  That horror had been left two thousand miles away in Georgia as well.  Joe breathed easy and drew strength from the man in whose arms he now rested.  It was at that moment that he finally realized that he was safe and he was home.

*************************

Adam nor Hoss had been able to sleep well the previous night due to all that they had heard of their brother’s plight there in Savannah.  Deciding to just get up and start the day earlier than usual, both men met outside of their rooms and headed to the stairs to make the morning coffee.  They had just started their descent on the staircase when they both noticed the two figures in the living room.  Hoss smiled over at his brother and placed his index finger over his mouth signaling that they should make their way down the flight of stairs as quietly as possible.

Adam grinned and pointed for Hoss to hand him the Indian blanket which was resting over the banister.  Hoss carefully lifted it up and handed it to his brother.  The two men made their way over next to the settee, still amazed by what they were seeing.  Pa was in a reclined position, his head resting on the back of the sofa and his feet planted on the sacred coffee table right next to Joe’s.  He was sound asleep with their little brother nestled there in his arms.  After witnessing Joe’s numerous attempts to keep their father away from him, here the boy was slumbering peacefully held in the man’s embrace.  Gently Adam and Hoss placed the blanket over both Pa and Joe and then eased their way into the kitchen.

Ben awakened first and groggily wondered why his right arm had fallen to sleep.  He cast a bleary eyed gaze down and saw Joseph still sound asleep, the left side of his face resting against his father’s chest.  Smiling to himself Ben decided to just let his son slumber on a bit longer as he was sure that Joseph was well spent after all that he had confessed to him in the wee hours of the morning.

“Want me to move him for you?” Hoss whispered coming up alongside the settee.

Ben shook his head and quietly replied, “He’s fine — he’ll be up soon enough.  Boy’s had a rough night.”

Joe had heard the faint reverberations against his left ear as his father had responded to Hoss.  His eyelids fluttered and then slowly began to open.  Joe had no clue as to where he was until he felt the arm that was still held there against his right shoulder.

“Pa?” Joe whispered as his vision cleared.

“Right here,” Ben answered, unsure of how his son would react once he realized that he had been sleeping up against him all night.

Joe cast a quick glance up at his father and then looked around the room.  He could see both Hoss and Adam standing over by the dining table.

“Guess I fell asleep,” Joe muttered and pulled himself to sitting.

“Apparently we both did, Joseph,” Ben nodded and patted his son’s shoulder.

“You two want some coffee?  We just made it,” Adam called over to them.

“What do you think, Joseph?”

“Sounds good,” Joe nodded and pulled himself off of the settee so his father could finally move about unencumbered.

Both of them walked to the dining room and when Joe was about to light into the chair he had been using for more than a week his father stopped him.

“How about retaking your former position?” Ben asked as he pointed to the chair to his immediate right where Joe had always sat before coming home from his trip.

Joe paused and tried to fight back the worry which was still very evident on his face.

When Pa noticed that his son was mulling the situation over he smiled at him and said, “Surely you don’t think sitting next to me will do any harm now, do you?  Unless you’re worried about catching my cold, Joseph?”

Joe, realizing that he’d just slept almost six straight hours held in his father’s arms, grinned and then moved to sit down to the right side of him.  “No, I’m not worried about catching your cold, Pa.”

Hoss and Adam cast confused glances between them as they wondered just what could have changed so drastically after they had gone to sleep the previous night.  At the very least they knew that Joe wasn’t trying to keep their father at bay any longer, but as to the why of it they hadn’t a clue.  Deciding that they’d just ask Pa when Joe wasn’t present, they began to pass the coffee pot around the table.

****************************

Later that afternoon Ben had called both Adam and Hoss into his study to address what had happened with their brother and why he was suddenly beginning to calm down a bit.

“Joseph asked me to be the one to tell the two of you what he confessed to me about his brother’s death.  The boy didn’t think he could tell the story again as it took about everything out of him to tell it to me like he did early this morning.   He had a very rough time of it, but I’m glad that he got it out and I’m hoping that it will be the catalyst that might help him to deal with all that happened to him.  It’s not an easy story to tell, and Joseph has more of the story to relate, which he did say that he’ll tell us tonight.  It’s just – well – the part that’s hardest for him is what Clay did in order to save Joe’s life.

Since Joe was upstairs sleeping at the time, his father went to great lengths to painstakingly detail the entire event to explain it to Hoss and Adam.  When he was done the room fell silent.  Ben cast a glance at both of his sons and he could see how much they were effected by it.  He noticed Hoss was pushing aside a few tears, and even the stoic eldest had glazed eyes by the time the tale had been told.

“Pa — that had to be horrible – just plain horrible for Little Joe to go through,” Hoss whispered due to the shakiness in his voice.

“Yeah – the poor kid – losing his brother – and knowing Clay did the only thing he could’ve done to save him like that,” Adam commented.  “If he hadn’t done it – Joe never would’ve made it out, that’s for sure.”

“Yes – Clay did everything he could so that Joseph would have a fighting chance.  I owe him – we all do.  Last time he left here in order to keep Joe from getting hurt.  But this time he basically sacrificed himself so that Joe might make it home.  In fact Joseph said that Clay used the exact same words he’d used three years ago when they parted.  He said for him to “go back home where you belong.”

Hoss drew in a deep breath and shook his head.  “I wish I’d appreciated how much that brother of his loved the kid.”

“Well we all wanted him to stay – we offered it to him,” Adam returned.

“At the very least we can resolve that Clay had found happiness there at the end before the terrible tragedy of it.  Now, your brother has a lot to tell us to finish the story so let’s not make him tell the part that I just told you.  He’s going to start with that Rene fellow who carried him away to safety.  If he is ready tonight he’ll tell us – but if he needs a few days let’s try not to pressure him.”

“It sure was great to see him with you this morning, Pa,” Hoss smiled.  “He seemed better today – at least he didn’t keep you at arm’s length.”

Ben nodded and replied, “Yes, I think I have finally gotten through to him that he’s not going to pass anything on to any of us.  But, I’m not going to push him on that either.  Joe’s still wanting his dishes and such boiled, and from what Paul said we ought to let him do whatever he feels is best for now.”

“He’s still coughing, Pa – he had a spell earlier when you and Hoss were out in the barn,” Adam announced.

“As I told Joe it’s just going to take some time.  Your brother was hit by yellow fever as well as what Doc said is probably malaria.  It’s just a blessing that we didn’t lose him to either or both of those.”

“He’s a tough kid, that’s without question,” Adam nodded.

“As Doc always says that boy comes from good stock,” Hoss smiled and patted his father’s shoulder.

**************************

That night after dinner the four Cartwrights settled in the living room and Adam passed around wine for all of them.  The three of them had decided that, though they had wanted to propose a toast to Clay that they would wait until Joe was both physically and emotionally stronger.  Thus, they simply lifted their glasses and Pa called across to his youngest and said, “To good health, Joseph.”

Joe nodded over to his father, understanding why he had chosen to say what he had.  After a few minutes of silence had fallen over the room, Joe stood from where he had been sitting on the hearth and spoke.

“I – I guess Pa has filled you two in,” He said, more of a comment than a question in his words.

Hoss and Adam just nodded over at their brother, afraid they’d say something wrong at the time.

“Well — I’ll start with where I left off then –,” Joe began but he felt a coughing attack getting ready to seize him.  He pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket and hurried over to the stairs.

Ben looked over at Hoss and Adam and they all nodded at each other.  They had talked about the coughing situation earlier that day.

As Joe was bending forward coughing into the cloth he looked down and noticed three sets of boots, none of which belonged to him.  He finally looked up into the eyes of Pa, Hoss and Adam.  He fought to stop coughing to address them.

“What – what are you doing?” He asked fighting to catch his breath as he held the handkerchief tightly over his mouth.

“Well – you see, Little Brother, the three of us decided that if you’re gonna run away from us well – we’re just gonna follow you wherever you go!” Hoss exclaimed smiling.

“That’s right, Kid,” Adam said staring at his brother.

Joe turned to look at his father.  “Pa – tell them to keep away – and you need to go back to your chair!” Joe insisted.  “Just because I took my old chair at the table – well – this is different.”

Ben moved closer and grabbed his son’s elbow and remarked, “You can’t run away from all three of us anymore, Joseph, because you know how stubborn we are.  Now bring that handkerchief and come back into the living room.”

Joe coughed a final time and then was steered back into the living room by his Pa.

Once he made it back onto the settee, Hoss raised his wine glass and said, “To us stubborn Cartwrights!”

Adam and Pa laughed and Joe just shook his head.  He could tell that his family was trying to force him to ease up on himself a little.  Joe finally lifted his own wine glass and nodded over to Hoss.

“Okay – point taken,” Joe agreed.

Ben settled back in his red leather chair and smiled.  “When you feel you’re ready, Joseph, go on with what you were saying.”

Joe drew in a deep breath and then began.  “So – Rene had somehow known what —,” Joe paused as he fought not to say Clay’s name, afraid that he would just lose his composure and never be able to get his story out.  “Rene – he knew – anyway – he knew what was going on and was waiting the minute I was shoved well— the minute – well when I got outside.” Joe sucked in a breath when he realized how hard it was going to be to dance around the fact that his brother had let Rene know what he was going to do when he shoved him outside.  “There were people with torches – and when Rene lifted me up into his arms – that’s when the house went up in flames and –,” Joe dropped his head down and pinched the bridge of his nose trying to force the tears back inside.  He could still see the flames lapping on the roof and hear how he had pleaded with his brother to let him back inside.

Ben stared over at Hoss sitting on the settee.  Hoss nodded over at his father and at the same time both men stood.  Hoss moved to sit down in his father’s chair.  Joe was still looking down as his tears began to fall onto the floor boards.  It was then that he felt the hand on his upper right arm.  Joe looked up and saw Pa standing there.  Pa didn’t say a word, he simply held out his hand and motioned over to the settee.  Joe looked around and saw that Hoss had purposefully moved to sit in their father’s chair in order for Joe to sit on the settee.  Pa just stood there waiting for Joe to make the move.  Finally he stood and walked slowly over to the settee followed by his father who took a seat next to him.  Joe now realized that it must have been talked about in advance and his family had decided that if it was needed they would change their seating arrangements in order to do their utmost to comfort him during the sad rehashing of events.

Pa eased his arm over Joe’s shoulder as he sat there next to him on the settee.  Joe cast an appreciative glance over at both of his brothers and then fought to continue.

“The house – well – it went up right away.  I struggled to get out of Rene’s arms but he wouldn’t let me loose.  He carried me away so none of the ones who had set the fire could see that I had gotten away.  Like I told Pa – there were rumors that I’d brought yellow fever from out west.”

“Blasted fools!” Hoss exclaimed, and then apologized.  “Sorry, Little Brother, but I could’ve said worse.”

Joe nodded over at his brother and continued.  “So – I guess I passed out for a bit – partly due to the fever and part due to —,” Joe stopped and dropped his head down and for a few minutes he could do nothing but just cry it out.

His brothers and his father knew that, though they hated to see the boy so totally distraught, they had to let Joe get it all out so he could go on somehow.

“It’s alright, Joseph,” Ben whispered and pulled his son a bit closer to him, offering what little amount of comfort he could at the time.  “You just take as long as you need.”

Adam grabbed Joe’s wine glass and filled it and then pushed it into his brother’s hand.

“Thanks, Adam,” Joe said, his voice trembling with emotion.   Joe sipped at his wine and fought to pull himself together.  “This isn’t going to be easy – sorry – I thought I’d be able to make it through,” Joe apologized.

“We all understand,” Pa’s compassion came out in his words.  He patted Joe’s shoulder.  “No-one’s in any hurry – and we all know– and don’t think we all haven’t shed more than a few tears since you began your story the other day.”

“Think I’d rather have rot-gut, Adam,” Joe remarked, trying to fight for control as he sipped his wine.

“You never could handle rot-gut, who are you kidding, Kid?” Adam returned with a smile hoping it would help.

“Yeah,” Joe nodded and then cleared his throat.  “So – I passed out and Rene stood watch to make sure no-one followed us.  We were hidden in an oak grove just about a mile from the house.  I woke and it was morning and somehow Rene had gotten a canteen full of water and was washing my forehead with it.  He had tears in his eyes.  All he could say was Kah and Ahh, you know – their names.  I had to let him know that they were gone.  He knew.  So we just stayed put.  I wasn’t feeling too great – the fever was hitting me hard.  But, later as it grew dark I had to make some tough decisions,” Joe paused and pushed aside his tears.  “I couldn’t leave my brother there – nor Annabelle.  It just wasn’t right.  There was a full moon when Rene and I went back there.  He had a lantern but we waited to light it – just in case anyone was looking for us.  By the time we got to the house I had to try and figure out where – where I’d probably find the two of them.  It took awhile – but when I heard Rene cry out, well – I knew he’d found them before me.  The big man was bent down sobbing,” Joe stopped again and cast a look across the room and noticed Hoss had tears going down his cheeks and Adam had his hands over his face.  He looked up into Pa’s eyes and he was blinking back tears trying his best to be strong for his son.  Joe turned his face into his father’s shoulder for a few minutes and felt Pa’s hand brushing through the hair on the back of his head.

Adam refilled his father’s glass and Hoss’ as well.  He handed Pa’s to him and Ben nodded that he appreciated it.  Adam sat back down and watched his father fighting to drink his wine down while holding onto Joe.  It was like watching pieces of Joe’s heart breaking one by one and they all knew that it was up to them to help the kid pick up those pieces.  They all knew that there would always be one piece that was missing now due to Clay’s death.

Joe finally brought his head up off of his father’s shoulder and leaned forward and continued.  “We found something to wrap them both in.  Then I decided there was only one place that would suit the two of them.  Rene and I carried them to that old oak tree where the three of us had carved our initials.  They had said it was their tree so it will always be that.  Rene still had the shovel we had used to bury Mister Copeland – so we both took turns and finally – there in the light of the full moon we laid them to rest together.”

“Damn —,” Hoss muttered and mopped at his eyes.  “I’m sorry — I’ve got to find something stronger than this wine, Pa – Adam where are you hiding it?  I know you’ve got to have something hid around here?”

“I do, we’ll be right back,” Adam whispered and he and Hoss left the room to gain their composure.

“Come here,” Ben called down to Joe.  He had been leaning forward with his face in his hands.

Joe turned and buried his face against his father’s shoulder once more.  It had taken every ounce of his strength to tell the story about burying Clay without saying his name.

“Grief – Joseph — I know it very well – and there’s no easy way through it – but I’m proud of you,” Pa whispered.

“It just hurts so much – I don’t think I’ll ever get through this darn story, Pa,” Joe confessed.

“I know – I know,” Ben answered.

“Pa – I have to leave one part out for now – but I’ll tell you – later.”

“You just say whatever you can for now – and then it will be out and we’ll help you get through this, Son,” Ben replied and heard his two older boys coming in from outside somewhere.

Adam reached over the back of the settee and patted Joe’s shoulder and said, “Look what we found you, Kid.”

Joe brushed his tears off on his sleeve and looked up to where both of his brothers stood.  Adam was holding a bottle of rot-gut in his hand.

“I told you that our big brother here had some stashed away didn’t I, Joe?” Hoss smiled down at him.

Joe drew in a breath and then forced a smile and said, “Don’t just stand there talking start pouring.”

Ben grinned up at his two sons and nodded to show his appreciation.  After hearing what they already had thus far they could all definitely use something stronger than wine.

“You want some, Pa?”

“Yes – I think I will – of course for medicinal purposes only – I do have a cold you know?”

“Well this will cure it,” Hoss grinned and reached for the glasses.

With the four of them now drinking straight rot-gut whiskey Joe continued his story.

“After we laid the two of them to rest and said a prayer we were getting ready to leave when Rene pulled on my arm and said their names just as he always did, he said Kah and Ahh and then said something I never heard him say before.  It sounded like Gah.  I felt bad that I didn’t understand him, though I tried to think of anything that might start with a G.  Finally I guess he knew I couldn’t understand him so he pointed up.  I finally realized what he was asking me.  I told him that yes, they were both now with God,” Joe said, his voice breaking again.

Feeling the hand of his father patting him on his back softly and seeing the sadness on the faces of his brothers Joe could tell that they were as moved by what Rene had said as much as he was at the time.  Somehow there was not only safety in numbers but also understanding in numbers there in the living room.  Joe knew that his was now a shared sorrow.

Joe coughed to clear his voice and then continued once more.  “Rene seemed to have an understanding that others didn’t and though I knew that he was hurting over all that he had lost, somehow he had accepted where they had gone.  We left – though I cast one final glance toward that oak tree and hoped I had done the right thing.”

“Joseph — -I think, from what you’ve told us – that your brother and his wife would be very happy with what you did for them,” Ben whispered.

“I – I hope so, Pa,” Joe stuttered, feeling like it would never be enough to repay his brother for how he had saved his life.  “We – ah – we went back to that old oak grove to wait out the morning.  Rene had found some kind of fresh green beans and God love him they tasted good even though I was feeling really bad at the time I ate them and I think they must’ve filled me up because I passed out until morning.  That’s when things got a lot more dangerous,” Joe stopped and grabbed the glass and drank more of the whiskey.

“What happened, Little Brother?” Hoss asked.

Joe set the glass back onto the coffee table and looked over at Adam.  “I’m probably going to be drunk by the time I finish this darn story – so you might as well give me another, Adam.”

“You got it –anyone else?” Adam called over to his father and Hoss as he filled Joe’s glass again.

Ben held out his glass as did Hoss.  *** We’ll all no doubt have hangovers in the morning – but I guess this is the only way. *** Ben thought to himself as he accepted his refill from Adam and took a sip.

Joe drank a good mouth full of the whiskey and went back to the story.  “I was just coming around when I thought I’d heard the sound of dogs baying in the distance.

************************

“Rene?  Do you hear dogs?”

“Jah — -dah –,” He said and pointed in the distance back to where the plantation house used to be.

“Are they – are they coming after us with dogs, Rene?”

“Jah!” Rene yelled and reached down to pull Joe to his feet.

“Damn they just won’t quit!” Joe shouted angrily.  “What now?  Where should we try to go?”

Rene pointed in the other direction and grabbed Joe’s left wrist and tugged him along.

************************

“I had no idea where in the heck the big guy was taking me, I only knew that I had to go wherever he was going because I knew absolutely nothing about the area and I didn’t have any weapons.  I didn’t have any of my possessions either.  No money – nothing.  Not that I could’ve spent it – because if anyone spotted me I was as good as dead.  Those idiots who thought I was some kind of a carrier -wanted me taken out that’s for sure!  I guess people panicked and thought that if I was gone then the epidemic would just end.  It didn’t make a lick of sense — but when they’ve got the hounds on you and they’ve got guns – well you don’t ask any questions.  We must’ve gone a mile or two and Rene knew I was getting weaker and weaker.  We ended up there at some kind of a swamp.  And I sure as hell didn’t want to go into it.  I figured there had to be snakes in there and no telling what else.  But, I understood Rene’s reasoning – dogs lose the scent if you go into water.  I’d much rather he had somehow gotten us to the darn old ocean or to that river, but I guess both of them were too far away.  The two of us went in there and tried to get down low there by the reeds and wait them out.  I tell you we spotted them – the hounds.  There were about eight or nine men with hunting dogs and they were all around the area so we just had to stay put.”

*************************

“Rene – hey you think this will help that fever of mine?” Joe tried to joke in order to sound much more in control than he really was.  It was over ninety degrees outside and here he was in a swamp completely soaked to the bone.

“Jah  Jah,” Rene pointed behind Joe.

“Huh? What is it?  What are you pointing at?”

“Ahh Ahh,” Rene said, and his face wore a mixture of sadness and apprehension.

“I know – I know I miss Annabelle too – we just have to try to stay alive for the two of them,” Joe patted the big man’s shoulder to comfort him.

Rene shook his head excitedly and said once more, “Ahh Ahh!”

“I’m sorry – I must be getting punchy – I just don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me, Old Friend.”

Rene grabbed Joe’s arm turning him around so he wasn’t looking towards the shoreline but in the opposite direction.

Joe thought he had to be positively delirious and that his mind was gone.  He blinked hard and tried to see what Rene had motioned towards but he didn’t see anything.  Finally, he saw them.  Just above the waterline were two eyes that appeared to just float.  He could see the slit to the eyeballs and wondered if it might be a huge snake which would have to be out of a nightmare.

“Ahh Ahh!” Rene called to Joe.

“Ah?” Joe answered trying to hone in on what he was seeing and what Rene was saying as well.

“Oh my God!” Joe gasped as the two eyes slipped effortlessly through the water and the tail of whatever it was came closer.  Joe wondered just what could have those kinds of spikes on it’s back and tail.  It had to be some kind of unknown monster.  He wished that he would wake up and see his father there in his bedroom easing him out of the nightmare.  It couldn’t be real, it was far too big to be real.

“What in the Hell is that?!” Joe shouted over at Rene.

“Ahh Ahh!” Rene replied adamantly.

“Ahh?  I don’t understand – it’s huge and it’s coming this way.  Heck let them sick those dogs on me – let them shoot me I don’t care!  I’m not staying in this water with that monster!” Joe panicked.

Rene grabbed Joe so he wouldn’t get taken by the men out hunting for him.  He lifted him up into his massive arms just as the beast moved close to them.  Joe stared down from his perch in Rene’s arms and saw the thing move precariously close to Rene’s two legs.  Joe figured that the monster had to be at least ten feet long.

“Rene — don’t let it get you!” Joe cried out, worried that his friend would be the first one to get bitten and then he’d be next.

Rene held his hand up to Joe’s mouth so he would be quiet.  Joe fought to get free but Rene was far stronger and he was weakened due to the fever.

“Jah   Jah  — Ahh,” Rene whispered as the beast passed very close to where he stood.

“What is it — what is it Rene?” Joe asked again as he tried to figure out what he had meant by the sound of Ahh.  Finally a drawing from grade school came into Joe’s troubled and fevered mind.  “Oh my God – Rene — is that – is that an alligator?”

Rene nodded and said, “Ahh.”

“Let’s get out of this swamp, Rene!  Those things eat people — I’ve heard of them – I ain’t seen them until now – and that was really close – closer than I ever want to be again!”

Rene shook his head and lowered Joe back into the water.  “Jah  – Jah,” He said and kept his hand on Joe’s shoulder to prevent him from leaving the safety of the swamp.

**************************

Joe had felt the strong hold of his father as he had gripped both of his shoulders as he told the tale of being in the water with the ten foot long alligator.  It seemed as though the longer the story went on the tighter Pa’s grip became, almost as if he was trying to pull his son from the grasp of the alligator himself.

“You wuz that close to an alligator?” Hoss asked incredulously, a lump forming in his throat.

Joe just nodded and sipped his whiskey.  Adam stood and this time didn’t bother to ask anyone if they wanted a refill on their whiskey, he simply did it for them.  Hoss and Pa both took a few long sips just as soon as Adam had poured it into their glasses.

“Joseph— I – I just don’t know what to say,” Ben sang out, his voice wavering.

“Yeah – I know,” Joe nodded and took another drink.  “You know I’ve had a lot of bad things happen to me in my life.  I’ve been shot – I’ve been stabbed – I’ve had things done to me that I don’t care to mention.  But standing in that water looking into the eyes of that monster — it’s now up on the top of my list of scariest things that have ever happened to me.  I tell you if Rene hadn’t lifted me up I was going to let those darn hounds have at me – or those hunters just go and shoot me.  It’d be a faster death than being an alligator’s dinner.  I guess he’d have gotten yellow fever if he’d eaten me.”

Ben fought a smile over what Joe had just said, and he could tell that the boy was getting to the point where he wasn’t feeling much pain due to the amount of liquor he had drunk that night.

“Perhaps we ought to continue this story tomorrow?” Pa said after taking another drink.

“Not until Joe tells us what happened in that swamp!” Hoss insisted fervently.

“Joseph?” Ben called to his son who was leaned forward still sipping on his drink.  “Do you want to wait until tomorrow to tell us how you got out of that situation?”

Joe leaned back against the settee and closed his eyes.   He was getting pretty dizzy but it was the first time he had actually relaxed in a very long while.

“It’s up to the three of you – I sure won’t forget what happened if you want to call it a night, Pa.

“I say he tells us or Hoss won’t be able to sleep,” Adam smiled.

“Hoss?” Ben asked as he watched the big man take another drink.  He appeared to be holding his rot-gut better than his other two sons were.

“I want to hear it — if you want to tell us, Little Brother?”

Joe shrugged his shoulders and sighed.  “Okay – so there I was in the swamp, we could both still hear the hounds and it didn’t sound like they were going to stop hunting us any time soon so we just got down in the water.

**************************

“Rene?  Weren’t you afraid of that thing?  It was huge!”

Rene shook his head to indicate he wasn’t really afraid of the alligator.

Joe thought about what his brother had told him about the fact that Rene had grown up in the swamp before he had chosen to stay in the tunnels there in the heart of Savannah.  Joe tried to draw some consolation over the fact that if he had to be in the swamp that it was a good thing that he was with someone who knew what was in there with the two of them.

“Has one ever gotten you?” Joe asked.

Rene pointed to his leg and then lifted it up a bit from the water and showed Joe a scar.  It was about ten inches long.

“Great,” Joe muttered to himself.  “You let me know if you see another one anywhere around us, okay?”

Rene nodded and moved a bit lower in the water when the hounds got a little too close.  The two men stayed like that, stationary and as low in the water as they could get until the hounds moved closer to the tree line.

“Rene – we can’t stay here in the dark – we can’t see what’s around us.  I can’t stay here with those alligators and who knows what else is in here with us now.  Maybe we could make a run for it?”

“Dah,” Rene said and pointed up to the sky.

Joe tried to figure out what the man was saying now.  He figured that he was noting that it would soon be dark and maybe that was what the word had meant.

“Dark?  We stay in here until dark?”

Rene shook his head to indicate Joe was right.

Joe looked all around making sure he didn’t see anything slipping up close to them.  “What’s in here besides those monsters, Rene?”

“Sah,” Rene nodded.

Joe closed his eyes and tried not to think about the possibility that Rene must mean snake.  The frightening thought wouldn’t go away and finally he had to ask.  “Snake?  Is that what you mean, Rene?  Snakes are in here with us?”

Rene nodded and watched Joe’s face grow paler than it had been.  He wrapped his arm around his friend to try and comfort him.

“Rene – if I figure a way out of this mess and if you want to come with me – I’ll take you to where I’m from.  We might have snakes – but not too many that are in the water.  And we sure as heck don’t have alligators!”

“Tun,” Rene motioned towards the ground.

“Tun?  Oh you mean tunnels?”

Rene nodded and smiled.

“You want to live in the tunnels, huh?” Joe grinned.

Rene nodded again.

“Hey I don’t blame you.  Compared to this swamp a tunnel’s a mighty fine place to live,” Joe agreed.

As evening set in and the sounds of hunters and hounds faded into the distance both Rene and Joe quietly slipped out from the swamp.  The night air wasn’t very cold but they were soaked to the skin.  Rene had turned Joe around and pointed to the east.

“What now, Old Friend?”

“Bee,” Rene said.

“Bee? Like honey?”

Rene shook his head indicating Joe had gotten it wrong.

Joe looked into the direction that Rene had pointed.  He figured by the way the sun had set that Rene was pointing due east of their location.

“Bee – oh beach?  Is that what you mean, Rene?”

Rene nodded and pulled Joe along with him.

“Well at least there’s sand there – and we can wash that swamp off of us in the ocean.  Okay, let’s go then we’ll figure out our next move,” Joe agreed and they trudged onward.

***********************

“We made it to the beach and laid in the hot sand.  Even though I felt sick and I was running a fever it felt good just to be on solid ground.  It was also nice not to see anything coming near me like that alligator.”

“Okay, Boys, we’ve gotten your brother away from that alligator now so let’s all go to bed,” Ben announced and stood from the settee.

“I’ll finish tomorrow, I’m tired but I’m also numb,” Joe announced.

Ben, casting a knowing smile over at his youngest, shook his head.  He could tell that Joe was without a doubt drunk.  Figuring that the kid had earned his alcohol that night by telling his horrifying story, Ben wasn’t about to say anything about his current condition.  He threw his arm across Joe’s shoulder and said, “You held your whiskey very well tonight, Joseph.”  He looked over at Hoss and Adam and they both looked like they were getting a bit weak.  “Boys – I said let’s call it a night,” Ben called to the two of them.

Both Hoss and Adam stood and moved over to their brother.

“Joe – I’ll have to look at you in a new light – you’re tougher than any of us to have gone through that swamp like you did,” Adam said and patted his brother’s back.

“Yep – Little Brother — if I’m ever in the swamp I hope you’re in there with me.”

“No thanks,” Joe replied and headed for the stairs followed by his father.

“Joseph?” Ben said as they made their way into the hallway.

“Yeah, Pa?” Joe asked as he wearily leaned against the door to his bedroom and wondered if he could make it inside of his room without falling down to the floor.

“It was ten feet long?”

“At the very least, Pa,” Joe nodded and frowned to be thinking of it again.

Ben shook his head and patted his son’s shoulder.  “Only you,” He smiled and walked down to his room.

***Yeah – only me *** Joe thought to himself and walked into his bedroom.

****************************

The next morning there were four very tired and very hung over men at the dining table.  Hop Sing had finally made it home and fixed breakfast for his family.  Unfortunately none of them were very hungry due to the amount of liquor which they had drunk the night before.

“Okay, who doesn’t have a headache, raise your hand?” Ben asked from the head of the table and looked at each of his sons.  None of them raised their hands.

“How about you, Pa?” Hoss asked.

“Did you notice me raising my hand, Hoss?”

“No Sir,” Hoss nodded and fought a smile.

“I don’t know about the rest of you but I had bad dreams last night,” Adam muttered.

“I passed out cold, don’t remember anything after I laid on my bed.” Joe said.

“Maybe tonight you can finish your story, Joseph, but we will do it with coffee,” Pa said and rubbed at his temples.

Joe began to cough and started to get up but he noticed his father and his brothers looking over at him like he’d better not jump up from the table.

Ben clamped a hand down onto his son’s left wrist.  “Stay put.  None of us are in any condition to chase you across the room, Joseph.  Just use your handkerchief.”

Joe turned in his chair and coughed into the cloth.  Hop Sing handed him a glass of water as he came out of the kitchen.

“What wrong nobody eat Hop Sing food?” The cook protested.

“We’re not feeling very well today, Hop Sing,” Ben explained.

“Hop Sing see empty bottle think father and sons drink too much!”

“We know that,” Ben said gruffly trying to get the man to lower his voice.  “Joseph was telling us about his travels so it was called for at the time.  Now please keep your voice down.  The boys and I have headaches today.”

Hop Sing shook his head and answered in his own inimitable way,”Confucius say father with no sense make sons with no sense!”  He shot his chin up indignantly and turned into the kitchen.

“I think he just made that up on the spot, Pa,” Adam grinned.

“That Confucius feller sure said a lot of things,” Hoss sighed as he pushed aside his uneaten breakfast.

Joe looked over at his father and could tell that he was in no mood for Hop Sing’s reprimands.  “Don’t let him bother you, Pa, he’s probably had a bit too much sake a time or two himself.”

“It was ten foot long, Joseph?” Ben questioned again, disregarding all other comments which had been spoken around the dining table.

Joe nodded adamantly, “It looked a lot bigger at the time – but yeah it was about ten feet long, Pa.  I saw more of them the second time we had to hide there.”

Hoss and Adam exchanged surprised expressions and then looked at their father for some confirmation.

“You went back into the swamp?” Ben questioned incredulously.

“Yeah, Pa,” Joe answered with a frown.

“How many times?”

“I’m not sure, Pa, I was out of it for a few days because of the fever.  Yellow Jack is what they call it in the south because everyone is too spooked to call it yellow fever.  So I just call it the fever now.  Guess Rene watched out for me.  I also guess that’s how I ended up with this darn old cough and the thirst that never goes away.  I had bites all over my body by the time I got out of there that last time.”

“You don’t have any idea how many times you were in there?” Hoss questioned.

Joe shrugged his shoulders again and replied, “Maybe three or four times, Hoss.  I was in and out of it most days because of the fever.  Hey can we talk about this later?   I could talk about it fine last night because – well— it’s easier to talk when you get numb on whiskey.”

“Yes, we’ll discuss this later,” Ben nodded as he was still trying to digest the fact that his youngest had endured things that were hard to fathom.  Just thinking of Joe hiding in that swamp filled with alligators chilled Ben’s blood to the marrow.

***********************

With Adam and Hoss out on errands in town that afternoon and after getting his ledger books finally tallied correctly, Ben decided to go and check on Joe.  His son hadn’t made an appearance since leaving the breakfast table and he wanted to make sure he was alright.

Looking in through the open door, Pa noticed Joe just sitting on the end of his bed staring down at his mother’s locket held in his left hand. Ben tapped on the door to announce his presence and Joe turned and looked his way.

“Hi, Pa,” Joe called over quietly.

Moving over to the bed Ben stared down at the locket.  “You sure were staring at that picture hard.”

“Yeah – it’s strange to have it back, you know?  It’s been away from me for three years.  Part of me never really thought I’d ever see it again.”

Ben smiled and sat down alongside his son.  He put an arm over Joe’s shoulder and tried to come up with something to say that wouldn’t be about Clay or the tragedy.   He finally reached over for the locket.  “Mind if I take a look at that?”

Joe nodded and handed it to his father, staring over at him strangely, wondering why he had asked for it.

“Do you remember when I gave you this, Son?”

“I think so – I was about ten or eleven, right?”

Ben shook his head, “No, Joseph, you were exactly twelve.  I remember it very well .  I had been holding onto it to give you when I thought you’d be responsible enough to take care of it and not lose it.”

Joe closed his eyes and tried to recall the circumstances behind receiving the gift but it wasn’t clear to him at the time.  “I just know you gave it to me and told me to take care of it.”

“You came home from school one day and tried to tell me that you were sick.  You gave a great performance from what I recall, but I knew that you weren’t and that something must’ve happened that day.  I later found out from your brother Hoss that you had told him that you were planning on skipping school even if I said no.”

“Oh –yeah – now I think I know what it was,” Joe nodded and sighed due to the memory which had been revived.

Ben nodded and grinned over at his son.  “You wanted to stay home because the next day was when all of the students were supposed to bring their mothers into class for a program that they were putting on for them.  It took you quite awhile to finally tell me that too!  Later that night I came into your room and you thought I was going to give you a lecture about lying.”

“I remember – you didn’t give me a lecture, Pa.  Instead you handed me a little box.  I couldn’t believe you were giving me a gift since I had lied to you,” Joe continued.

“That’s right – I came up here and handed you that and you looked at it and then you looked up at me and asked if you could keep it.  I guess you thought I was only showing it to you?”

Joe smiled and shook his head, “I guess I was a little slow, Pa.”

Ben patted his son’s shoulder and replied, “No, you weren’t slow  –anyone who could lie as creatively as you did surely wouldn’t be considered slow.”

Joe had to laugh over what his father had said.  “You told me that I could keep this and that you expected me to always take care of it.  And you told me I had to go to school but when it came time to talk about my mother that I was to show this picture to all of the other kids and my teacher and tell them that I had the most beautiful mother because pictures don’t lie.”

“You remembered very well.  And you took that into school and you came home just fine after all.” Pa remembered seeing the look on his twelve year old’s face when he had gotten home and he was all smiles.

“Pa?” Joe turned and looked into his father’s eyes.

“Yes?”

“Did – did it make you mad when I gave this – I mean – three years ago — ,” Joe still couldn’t say his brother’s name, it was just too painful and the wound far too fresh.

Pa reached over to his son and turned his chin so he could look into the hazel eyes.  “No it didn’t make me mad, I understood why you did it —and just like you – I had hoped it would find its way back here someday.  I’m just sorry it came back the way it did, Joseph.”

Joe dropped his face down into his hands as tears drifted from his eyes.  “I’m never going to get over this, Pa – never.”

Ben settled his hand down onto his son’s shoulder and whispered, “You may never forget, Joseph, but you will learn to live with it.  Look, you’ve dealt with not only your loss but also with all of the terror you had to endure in trying to get back home.  On top of that you’ve gone through two very bad illnesses, which you’re almost healed from, as well.  You just need time, Son – time.”

“I gotta finish my story tonight, Pa – just so I never have to tell it ever again.  I know it seemed sort of funny about that alligator story, but in all honesty I was terrified, Pa.”

Ben nodded and replied, “Oh I know that you were because I was terrified just hearing it!  I’m so thankful you had Rene or you’d never have made it away from there.”

“Sometimes I feel like I’m still there, Pa.  I hate that place!”

Ben frowned and squeezed his son’s shoulder and whispered, “Joseph, some day you will be able to remember those first few weeks there with your brother and his wife and the memories of that will fill your heart.  It will help — in time.”

Joe looked up as Hop Sing moved in through the doorway.

“Little Joe, Hop Sing need do wash now.  Can please open your bags?  You have wash for Hop Sing?”

Joe stood from the bed and walked over to his old friend and placed a hand on his shoulder and replied, “I’ve got to go through them both, Hop Sing, and it’s not gonna be easy for me.  I don’t know what all’s in there, you know?  I’ll do it today or tomorrow, okay?”

“Hop Sing wash again two days — you please have done then.” Hop Sing smiled as he knew that the young man who he had helped to raise was suffering physically and emotionally.

“I promise,” Joe nodded.

As Hop Sing left the room Pa moved to the night stand and poured a glass of water.  “You missed a few doses last night, Joseph, due to our little indulgence.  So you’ve got to get all of the medicine in you today.”  Ben dropped the packet of quinine inside of the glass and swirled it around for a minute.  Joe frowned as his father handed it to him.

“I’d rather have rot-gut,” Joe insisted as he chugged the medication down.

“When rot-gut is the cure for swamp fever I’ll get it for you,” Ben laughed and noticed Joe nodding over to him, evidently he liked that idea.  “You go and get some rest and I’ll see you at supper, Joe.”

“Pa?” Joe called as he sat down on the side of the bed.

Ben turned from the door and looked over at his son.  “Yes?”

Joe drew up the locket holding it out so his father could see.  “Pa — how do you suppose this survived being in my pants while I was in the swamp?  The picture should be ruined, the water should’ve gone right under that glass covering.”

Ben cast a knowing smile over to his boy and replied, “Because your Ma was with you, Son.”

Joe grinned and accepted what his father had said as fact as there was no other logical answer to the question.  The locket had traveled many miles in three years and many more in the last six months and it was in the same pristine condition it had been in when he placed it there into Clay’s palm.  “Thanks, Pa,” Joe nodded and eased back down on his bed.

*************************

The four Cartwrights were once again gathered in the living room that night after supper was over.  Hoss had already made his way over to his father’s red leather chair letting Joe know exactly where he was expected to sit.

“I’d sure like some rot-gut,” Joe sighed as he was handed a cup of coffee by his father who sat to his left on the settee.

“No, not tonight, Joseph, Hop Sing will quit if the four of us are in the shape tomorrow morning that we were today,” Ben replied as he sat back after pouring the coffee for his other sons and handing the cups across the room.

Joe looked around at the apprehension on everyone’s faces.  They all knew that Joe had intended to finish his story and no-one knew what all it would entail.

“Okay – guess I’ve got to get this over with,” Joe began drawing in a deep breath.

“It’s okay, Joe – we’re here for you,” Adam called over to his brother.

Joe nodded, “Thanks – just in case I haven’t said it enough — well – I’ve lost someone I love but I am thankful to have the both of you.  Ma left me a brother — but Pa gave me two – and I wouldn’t know what to do without either of you,” Joe paused and turned and looked over at his father.  “And I guess you know how much I thank God for you, Pa.”

Ben fought back his tears and simply patted his son on the back and nodded over to him.

“Okay – so like I told all of you this morning – Rene and I spent a lot of time going back and forth from the beach and the swamp those first four or five days.  It’s hard to even think about how many days and nights we had to hide out.  We were spotted on the beach after that first night there so we took off.  I didn’t know that he was going to push me back into the swamp.  You see – I was half out of my head with the fever.  I don’t know why I lived – I should’ve died like –,” Joe sucked in a breath as he pushed away the first few tears of the evening.

“Probably because the Good Lord knew how much we needed you here to pester us,” Hoss interjected, attempting to bring a smile to his brother’s face to stay the sorrow.

“Maybe – I don’t think I’ll ever know the answer to that one.  I do know that Rene took care of me.  He must’ve found a spring of fresh water somewhere because I know that I didn’t drink swamp water.  I came around every now and again and I remember once or twice Rene pointing at the shoreline.  I thought he was pointing out the fact that the hounds were back, but instead he was letting me know that the alligators sometimes sun themselves out on the land right there by the swamp.”

“Oh my gosh!” Hoss exclaimed.

“Yep,” Joe nodded over at his brother.  “I said something a whole lot worse than that when I saw them laying there.  So some were there in the water with us and some were on shore.  It’s still the kind of thing that haunts me at night.  I was glad for the times that I wasn’t conscious!  Anyway, after about four or five days we didn’t hear the hounds anymore so we made our way out of the swamp and were very careful where we stepped.  I never saw another of those monsters after that and I pray to God that I never do.”

“Can’t blame you for that, Kid!  It’s what you’ll tell your kids someday,” Adam called over to Joe.

Joe shook his head and frowned.  “I rather doubt I’ll live long enough to have kids at this rate, Adam.”

“You will – I’m counting on at least a boy from you, Joseph,” Ben remarked and patted him on the back.  “Now go on with your story.”

“Rene led us through the woods in the dark trying to get back to the tunnels that he was familiar with.  I just followed him wherever he pulled me.  He did trap some food for us and was able to make a small fire one night.  I can’t tell you what we ate — it could’ve been a possum or it could’ve been a goat.  It wouldn’t have mattered at that point as I was still crazy with the fever.  He was just trying to get me to safety.  I guess it was sometime about a week after – after –,” Joe paused, still unable to say his brother’s name.  He pushed back his tears and continued.  Joe knew he had to finish his story and purge it from his soul there surrounded by the ones who knew and loved him most.

“We made it to the tunnels and Rene pulled me in the darkness until we were to a place where he basically lived.  He seemed happiest once we got back to where he was comfortable.  It was dank and pitch black but there weren’t any alligators, maybe a few rats, but after the swamps I could handle those okay.”

Ben cringed over the idea that his youngest had to stay in the darkness there in a tunnel surrounded by rats, but at least he was with someone who could protect him and he drew comfort in that fact.  He patted his son’s back urging him on.

“I’ll never forget when Rene showed me the piece of paper – it was from my brother,” Joe stated, he had used the term brother but still couldn’t say his name.

**************************

“Rene?  Rene what is this?  I can’t quite make it out!” Joe said holding a small piece of paper in his hands which had been shoved into them by the big man.

“Kah – Kah,” Rene insisted.

“My brother?  My brother gave you this, Rene?”

Rene nodded and reached behind him for the kerosene lantern Clay had given him.  He lit it and moved it over to Joe.

With trembling fingers Joe read what was on the piece of paper that Rene had obviously hidden away for safe keeping.

***Brother, I’ve sent your bags on the train to Doctor James Hardin the man you met at my wedding.  Here’s his address:  3227 Langford Place, Atlanta.  Go to him and he will help you.  I pray this gets to you, love your brother Clay ***

Joe swept the dirty and torn sleeve of his shirt over his eyes and sobbed.  He fell into Rene’s arms and the two of them shared their grief and cried together.

“How?  How did he do this?  How did he know?” Joe asked Rene, though he knew the big man couldn’t tell him.

Rene handed Joe a canteen of water and Joe drank it down greedily.  “I hope you have more, Rene – because I just can’t get my fill ever since I got sick.  Thanks –and thank you for taking care of me.”

“Jah – Jah,” Rene smiled over at Joe and patted the ground trying to get him to lay down and get some rest.

“Okay, I’ll sleep awhile and then tomorrow maybe you and I can figure out a way for me to get to Atlanta?  I sure can’t get on the train like I got here due to them checking everywhere for me – and most of this place is under a quarantine anyhow.”

“Jah,” Rene smiled and nodded like he had a plan.

*************************

“I’m sorry, Pa – I can’t help it,” Hoss said and reached behind the red leather chair.  “Me and Adam picked this up today in town for our little brother.  Here you go, Joe,” Hoss announced and handed the bottle across the room.

“After all it is the last night – and the last time Joe ever has to tell this tale, Pa,” Adam jumped in to try and get their father to accept their gesture.

“Pa?” Joe turned his eyes on his father.

Ben frowned and pulled the bottle out of Joe’s hands and stood up.  He walked across the room and just when the three men thought that he was putting it up for other times, their father came back with four glasses with a few shots in each of them.  “Now you boys had better pace yourselves tonight because this is all you’re getting.  Here,” He said and handed Joe the first glass.  Each took a glass including Pa.

Joe grinned over at his brothers and nodded his appreciation.  “Thanks.”

“To you getting to Atlanta and then home, Kid!” Adam sang out and raised his glass and they all did likewise.

“The – well the next day Rene tried to draw on the ground what he had been thinking about I guess during the long days in the swamp.  He knew that – well – my brother had made it his responsibility to get me to safety and Rene was trying his best to do just that.  I couldn’t quite make it out at first.”

**************************

“Rene?  What is that?  Is it a dog?”

“Hah – Hah!” Rene was insistent as he pointed to his drawing.

“Hah?  Okay – let’s see what has four legs and – oh is it a horse?  A horse, Rene?”

Rene nodded and smiled.  “Hah!”

“You know where I can get a horse?  Is it close because I ain’t feeling too perky right now.  This fever is getting to me.”

“Jah – Hah,” Rene said and then handed him over the canteen that he had somehow refilled.

“Thanks, My Friend, hey how about we get us two horses and you come back to my ranch with me?  Once I send word to my Pa he’ll make all of the arrangements and I’ll bring you home with me.  You’d like my Pa and my brothers.”

“Kah?” Rene asked confused.

Joe realized he had used the word brothers and now Rene thought he was referring to Clay.  “No – I’m sorry – Kah is in heaven, you remember?  Him and Ahh are there together smiling on you right now.  I have two other brothers— but that don’t mean that I ain’t hurting like you right now,” Joe explained and found tears to be running down his face at the time.

“Jah – Jah,” Rene said and reached over and drew Joe to his chest.  They both shared their grief over the loss of both Clay and Annabelle.

“Tun,” Rene finally said as he released Joe from his hold.

“Tunnel, right?  You want to stay here, is that what you’re saying, Rene?”

Rene smiled and nodded over to his friend.

“Well – I just want you to know that you’ll always be with me – in my heart.  I’ll never ever forget what you did for me – and how my brother loved you.”

“Jah,” Rene replied and put a huge hand over his heart.

****************************

Joe looked over at Hoss and he could see the man tearing up.  He cast a look over at Adam as well, and though he wasn’t shedding a tear he could tell how the story had affected him.  His oldest brother was sipping on his whiskey and staring pensively at his glass.

“We made our way out of the tunnel the next night and went a long way to get to the horse.  Rene had known the man apparently and he had died not too long before everything happened to us at the plantation.  So the horse was a bit puny until we fed it good.  He found me an old saddle and then there out in a field we said our goodbyes.

**************************

“Jah — Gah,” Rene said and hugged Joe for one last time.

“God?  Is that what you’re saying, Rene?” Joe asked swiping away his tears on his sleeve.

Rene nodded and pointed upwards.

“Yes, Rene, God has them both and someday both of them and both of us will all just have a grand time in heaven together.  You know I hear there’s not alligators in heaven – now won’t that be great?”

Rene looked confused at Joe and shook his head.

“Okay, Rene, I was just  kidding there might be alligators in heaven— but if there are they can’t bite, okay?”

Rene smiled and waved to Joe as he mounted the horse and headed northward towards Atlanta.

*************************

Ben walked over to his den and brought back the bottle of rot-gut with him.

“This is against my better judgment but since we are about to get Joseph to Atlanta where I FINALLY heard from that wayward kid, it’s only fitting,” Ben quipped and then poured a generous amount into each of his son’s glasses and also the one he had been using.

“We already toasted to Rene who should we do now?” Hoss asked.

Joe lifted his glass and said, “To that poor old horse that came up lame forty miles shy of Atlanta!”

“Figures, Kid,” Adam returned.  “Okay, here’s to the nag who almost got Joe to Atlanta!”

Everyone lifted their glasses and toasted the horse who had gotten Joe part way to his destination.

“Go on, Joseph,” Ben urged his son onward to finish his tale.  He patted the boy’s back to encourage him to get it all out.

“Okay so after I said a sad goodbye to that gentle giant I set off north towards Atlanta.  I don’t have any idea what the name of that backwoods town was where I left the nag with a farmer.  But he looked me over pretty good.  But, apparently not good enough because if he had he would’ve seen that the whites of my eyes were yellow by then.  He gave me directions on how to get to Atlanta and a bag of peaches and some day old biscuits for that horse so at least I knew I wouldn’t starve.  I hate Georgia and I always will hate it.  But those peaches were either really good or I was really starved when I ate them.”

“Did you have a canteen, Joe?” Hoss asked.

“Nope – but I’d stop to look for water about every couple of miles.  A couple of times I found a nice family who’d let me have some water from their well and that was a treat I’ll tell you.  I was never so thirsty in my life.  Plus those old boots of mine had holes the size of silver dollars in them after doing time in the swamps down in Savannah.  I guess it must’ve taken me about three weeks to get from where I left Rene to the front door of Doctor Hardin and by the time I hit the porch I flat fell out.  I woke up to see him smiling down at me.  I thought he’d never recognize me as sick as I was and as rough as I looked, but he did.  He explained that my bags had been delivered to him from the train depot and he had been expecting me to somehow show up.  He said that surviving was in my blood.  That got to me,” Joe stopped as the tears came back again and this time he didn’t even bother to wipe them away.  He knew his tale was almost over anyway.

“I’ll never forget the day I got the wire from him, Joseph.  He couldn’t tell me what you were sick with due to the circumstances, but he told me to expect his letter and that you were being well taken care of,” Ben whispered and set both of his hands onto Joe’s shoulders as the boy leaned forward his face buried in his hands.

“Yeah – Pa wanted to get on a train but we had to tell him that it was better if he waited for you to come back here.  But he was a bear all of those months without you here where he could set eyes on you,” Hoss said to his brother.

Joe blotted his nose with his handkerchief and coughed.  “I knew that – and I wrote that in my letter to Pa.  I couldn’t have gotten on a train or a stage at the time anyway.  I was as yellow as one of those lemons Hop Sing has been forcing down me the last few days.  I had to let it pass and I had to try to get stronger.  I wrote you about all of that, right, Pa?” Joe asked turning his head and looking at his father for confirmation.

“Yes – you wrote me about most of what happened to you.  I kept all of the letters that you sent to me.  Of course you never mentioned anything about swamps and tunnels and the like.  But, I guess it’s good that I didn’t know all of that, Joseph.  I’d surely have jumped on a train.”

“Yes, Sir, I bet you would have.  I asked Pa to wire some money to pay for my upkeep with the doctor as he was doing me a big favor.  You know if anyone had found out he was taking care of a yellow fever victim he could’ve been tossed in jail?  How’s that for the way of things?”

Hoss and Adam just shook their heads over to their brother and sipped more of their drinks.  They all realized how many times during Joe’s stay in Georgia he could’ve been killed.

“Go on, Son,” Ben whispered being well aware that Joe still harbored ill feelings due to some of the atrocities he had dealt with while there in Georgia.

“It took me almost three full months to get to where I could even stand up for any length of time because I was real weak and sickly.  Then it took almost a month to get back here due to train mishaps and stagecoach incidents.  But, well – as you know I’m like a bad penny I always come back.”

Hoss and Adam both looked at their father and could tell that he was getting ready to make a toast.

“Fill those glasses one last time, Boys,” Ben called over to his two oldest sons.  Hoss got the bottle of rot-gut and Adam helped to pour the four shots, one in each glass.

“Is it time, Pa?” Hoss asked.

“It’s time, stand up,” Ben called to his sons.  The three Cartwright brothers stood there in the living room with their father.  Ben turned toward Joe and smiled.  “Joseph, this toast is for you, for finding your way back.  Thank God!  Cheers!”

Joe did touch glasses with all of his family members that time as he stood and witnessed the love that they had on their faces.  “Thanks,” He whispered and pushed aside his tears.

************************

Epilogue

It had been an emotional night for all of the Cartwrights.  As they filed to bed there were hugs and pats to Joe’s back as they all officially welcomed him home after enduring his tale of survival against all odds.  They all went to sleep right away being both physically and emotionally drained by the time they crawled into their beds.

Ben knew he had heard the sound of someone walking downstairs.  He peered at his pocket watch and squinted at the time.  It was a little past two a.m.  Wondering if one of his sons might be sick, he grabbed his robe from the foot board of his bed and slid into his slippers.

From the top of the stairs Ben peered down to the fireplace where Joseph was sitting alone.  He slowly made his way down to check on him.

“Joseph?” Ben called quietly.

Joe looked up from where he sat on top of the coffee table.  Streams of tears flowed down his face and he didn’t bother to push them away now.

“Yeah, Pa?” He replied with a voice cracking with emotion.

Ben drew closer and noticed that his son was holding the picture which had been wrapped in brown paper and lying on the sofa table ever since the boy’s return over a week ago.

“You finally opened it, did you?” Ben asked as he sat down next to his son and settled an arm across his shoulder.  “Can I see it?”

Joe didn’t reply but he did hand the portrait of both him and Clay over to his Pa.

Ben shook his head and smiled.  “You two sure looked alike!  Didn’t I always tell you that you favored your Ma?”

Joe nodded but still couldn’t speak.

Ben pulled his son closer to him trying to shoulder his pain.  “What made you decide to open this tonight, Joseph?”

“I – I couldn’t sleep – so I – I opened my bags – like Hop Sing asked me to do, remember?”

“Yes?”

“Pa– Pa it was in there all along,” Joe cried and dropped his head down into his hands full of remorse.

“What – what was in there?”

“This,” Joe answered and handed his father the letter he had found.  “It’s from him.”

“Him?” Ben asked.

“Clay,” Joe finally uttered his brother’s name though it had come out sounding very strained.

“I see,” Ben nodded and looked down at the single word “Joe” there on the envelope.  “Mind if I read it – or do you want to keep it between the two of you, Son?”

“I – I want you to read it, Pa – I need someone else to see what he said to me.”

“Okay,” Ben agreed and pulled the letter out and began to read what Joe’s brother had written him.

*** Dear Brother Joe, I pray that you have this in your hands and are somewhere safe, hopefully at home where I told you years ago that you belonged.  I’ve got to write this quick as I’ve got to get your bags off on the train before it’s too late.  If you’re reading this then you know I lost Annabelle today.  Joe, she made my life worth living and now that she’s gone I don’t mind going to meet her.  I know my life is just about over here.  But you’re in the next room right now, Brother, and I will not let death take you if I can help it.  I’m going to get you out of here by any means necessary.  Joe, I’m going to try to shove Ma’s locket into your palm the way you did to me when we last left each other.  Brother, having you here the last couple of weeks was the best time in my entire life.  Thank you for coming and for sharing in Annabelle’s and my lives.  Remember that old oak tree where we carved our initials?  I told you that as long as it exists it will know I have a brother.  I think it will be around forever, Joe.  Don’t grieve for me, be happy as I go to meet my wife and I get to be with Ma now, so I won’t need the locket anymore.  Take good care of it, and take good care of my brother.  Forgive me for what I had to do to get you to leave,  I love you.  Your brother Clay ***

Ben finished reading the letter and tears were streaming down his face.  He turned and pulled his youngest into his arms and the two of them shared their mutual pain over the loss of Joe’s brother.

“It was with me all of the time, Pa – ever since Atlanta when I was so alone and so sick.  I really wasn’t alone — my brother’s letter was within reach and I never even looked.”

“Joseph, I think you were meant to find this tonight right after you got that story out.  I think it was the way Clay wanted it.  You needed to be here – just as he said – where you belong,” Ben whispered as he held his son and softly stroked the hair on the back of his head.  He could feel the sobs that shook the boy’s chest.

Joe glanced over his father’s shoulder and stared at the letter lying there on top of the picture of the two of them.  “I think you’re right, Pa, I was supposed to find it here, because I’m with you.  Especially after this last week when I’ve been so terrified of losing you due to my illness.  I needed to be home and I needed to know I wasn’t going to be the cause of hurting anyone that I loved.”

“You’re with all of those who love you now, Joseph, especially me,” Ben whispered.

“I love you, Pa,” Joe replied with his face pressed against his father’s chest.

*************************

The following afternoon Ben readied the buckboard while Joe stood with a hammer in his hand preparing to hang the picture that he’d brought back from Savannah on his bedroom wall.

“No – move it about two inches higher,” Adam suggested as he stood behind his youngest brother.

“I can’t get the nail in,” Joe frowned trying to hammer over his head.

“Here,” Hoss smiled and grabbed the hammer from Joe’s left hand.  “You need to eat better so’s you’re as tall as me!”

Joe grinned up at Hoss and replied, “We can’t all be giants like you, Big Brother!”

“That’s about got it, Hoss – now tilt it just a tad down – not the picture the nail!” Adam continued to supervise.

Joe stepped back to see how the placement looked.  “Yeah, Hoss, that’s perfect.”

Hoss made sure that the frame was hooked good on the nail and then moved to the door to stand with his brothers.

“I done good, huh?” Hoss smiled.

“Yes, you done good!” Joe nodded.

“That’s a great picture, Joe – you both sure looked nice in your suits,” Adam tried to choose his words carefully.

“Thanks – and thanks for supervising for me,” Joe replied.  “Hey you know what?  The three of us should get a picture taken together – you know so we could all have one?”

“Now why in the world would you need a picture of us when we’re right in the same house?” Hoss asked.

Joe just shrugged his shoulders, he wasn’t sure why he had suggested it.

“I think that’s a fine idea,” Came the voice coming into the room from the hallway.

The three brothers turned to see Pa entering the room.

“How about this spring I take you country boys to the big city – Carson City – that is – and get pictures made of the three of you?” Ben asked smiling.

“Might not be such a bad idea,” Adam agreed.

“Hoss, how about it?”

“Sure, Pa – as long as I ain’t got to get all duded up in a suit!” Hoss remarked.

“You don’t have to wear a formal suit, just a nice shirt will be fine,” Ben nodded over to his middle boy.

“Okay, Pa.”

“Joseph?  Are you about ready?  I’ve got the buckboard hitched up and waiting on you.”

“Yeah, Pa – be right down, just have to get my heavy coat.  Hoss said we might get into some flurries.”

“Okay, Son, I’ll meet you downstairs.  Come on boys,” Ben said and ushered his two older sons out of Joe’s room.

Joe stood and looked up at the portrait of his brother Clay and him.  He drew in a deep breath to try and keep from tearing up again.  He could still hear his brother’s words when he had handed him the picture there in Savannah.

*** There you go, Joe – now every time you look at this it will be almost like we’re together, okay? ***

Joe closed his eyes and thought about that day and tried to let the memory stay while he attempted to make the awful once disappear.  He knew that it would take a long time.  He grabbed the heavy coat out of his wardrobe and pulled it on and then made a brief stop over at his desk to retrieve the letter.  Hurrying to meet up with Pa downstairs Joe left the room.

*************************

The buckboard clamored up the steep incline an hour after both Ben and Joe had left the ranch house, finally stopping next to the well worn path leading to the overlook.

“Want me to wait?” Ben asked as he watched his son climb down from the seat.

Joe shook his head and replied, “No, Pa – I’d like you there with me.”

Ben simply nodded and tied the reins down onto the foot-board.  Together both father and son made their way to the granite headstone and stood off to the right side of the grave.

“I couldn’t find any flowers still blooming, Pa,” Joe whispered.

“I don’t think your mother would expect you to bring them in the winter, Son.”

Joe reached his left hand inside of his coat and pulled out the envelope.  It had only one word written on the outside and that was the word “Clay”.  Joe bent down and placed the letter so that it rested up against his mother’s headstone and stood back next to his Pa.

“I couldn’t tell him what was in my heart there at the end, Pa – I just didn’t have the chance.  I know he’s not here to read it, but – well – I just wanted to write it down.”

Ben draped his arm across his son’s shoulder and replied, “I think that was a good idea, Joseph.  But, I imagine Clay knew how you felt about him.  You went all the way across the country to be there with him on the happiest day of his life.  I know that meant a whole lot to him.”

“But – I wanted to tell him that he should’ve let me stay there – to help him.  I wish he hadn’t done what he did, Pa,” Joe whispered as tears drifted down his cheeks.

Ben turned Joe to face him and stared pensively into his eyes.  “Joseph, I’m sure Clay knew he wasn’t going to live much longer.  He had to make sure that you’d continue after he was gone.  Remember he told you to go home to where you belong?  It was the only way he could get you to do that.”

Joe dropped his head down and nodded.  He tried to gather his thoughts as he pushed back the tears from his eyes.  “Pa?  The other night – I told you that I left something out when I was telling all of you about when Rene and I buried the two of them, remember?”

“Yes, Son – I’ve been waiting for you to tell me what it was.”

“You’re probably going to think that this was my imagination — or some kind of wishful thinking,” Joe began.

“How about letting me make up my mind before you make those kinds of assumptions?”

Joe nodded, “Okay.  Well – I just kind of wanted to ask you what you’d think about it if I told you – well – I saw something.”

“Like what?”

“I told all of you that we buried Clay and Annabelle there at their oak tree, right?”

Ben simply nodded and waited for his son to continue.

“It was a full moon – so there was enough light and all.  As Rene turned to walk away I cast one last look toward that tree where we all carved our initials.  And – well – for just a few seconds – I swear to you that I saw the two of them standing there at that oak just smiling over at me.  It wasn’t long, Pa – I didn’t even have the chance to ask Rene to turn around and look because they just sort of vanished.  But — I promise you that it was real!  Do you think that it’s possible?”

Ben broke his gaze on his son and cast a knowing smile over to the headstone which bore the name of Marie Cartwright.  He drew in a deep breath and then pulled their son close to him before replying to the boy’s urgent question.

“Well now, Son, I’m going to answer that in the only way that I know how.  Now pay attention because it’s something that I’ve never told a living soul – until now.”

Joe stared up into his Pa’s eyes.  “What?”

“You were barely five when we lost your Ma, Joe.  And, well — we’ve spoken before about the fact that I had to leave for a couple of weeks to get through a bit of my grief before going home to you three boys.  After I got home – well– you took sick.  I know Doc said it was just a cold at the time, but after losing your Ma I was so scared that I’d lose you too that I probably over- reacted.  I didn’t want anything to happen so I decided to keep a little closer eye on you — just in case.  I bundled you up and put you in my bed to sleep where I could keep my eye on you.  I stacked pillows around you just so you wouldn’t roll off the bed while I had some work to do downstairs,” Ben paused as his eyes glazed over from the memory of what had happened.  He drew in a deep breath and continued, “I still wasn’t quite done with what I had been working on when I started to worry about you and decided I should just go check to make sure you were still sleeping.  I still remember — there was a full moon and the light was coming through my bedroom window which was why I didn’t need to leave a lamp burning when I’d gone downstairs.  Anyway, I quietly opened the bedroom door not wanting to wake you.  Just as I took about two steps into the room and glanced over to where you were sleeping – on the side of the bed where your Ma use to sleep – I noticed someone there leaning over you.  I only saw her for a very few seconds.  I had just enough time to see that she had a hand on your forehead and then she turned and smiled over at me and then disappeared.  It was your Ma, Joseph.”

Joe looked both confused and amazed by what his father had just related to him.

“So – you asked me if I thought that what you happened to see there at that oak tree was possible.  I could ask you the same thing about what I saw back when you were five years old.  But, you see, I don’t really need anyone to tell me because I believe.  It’s up to you to decide if what you saw is something that you believe, Joseph.”

Joe nodded, “Thanks, Pa.  I have my answer now.  I’m glad you shared that with me.”  Joe seemed satisfied by what his father had related but then his face once again filled with sorrow as he looked over to the envelope that he had placed on his mother’s grave.  “Pa – I still don’t know how to feel about everything that happened down in Savannah.  I feel like part of me is missing, you know?”

Pa reached his arms out and pulled his son to his chest as his eyes fell on the headstone of his wife.  “I know grief, Joseph – and it won’t lift easy– but it will lift in time.  Have faith.”

“I just don’t know what to take away from all of this, Pa,” Joe confessed sadly.

Ben pulled his son back so that he could stare into his eyes once more.  He cast a quick glance over to Marie’s grave and then whispered, “In this life we have joy and we have sorrow – but what I would take away from all of this – is that your brother loved you.”

He nodded solemnly as Pa eased his arm across his shoulder and the two of them began to walk away, Joe’s arm around his father’s waist.  He stopped for a brief moment and cast one final glance over at the envelope that had “Clay” written on it.

Joe closed his eyes and decided on what he’d take away from all of the sorrow he had experienced in Savannah.  He could see Clay’s face smiling over at him on his wedding day and could still hear his voice when he said “I love you, Brother.”

*** If it all falls apart I will know deep in my heart, the only dream that mattered had come true.  In this life I was loved by you ***

 

The End

By:  Wrangler

8-12-2025

“For Carm”

(Character of Clay Stafford from “The First Born”, written for the Bonanza series by Judy and George W. George and Frank Cleaver)

(Thanks to my story consultant Rob who took me to the historical sites that are in this story and to my grandson Krishna Michael for his love of Savannah and for his encouragement.)