Summary: The “Beautiful in My Eyes” series concludes, Little Joe can no longer cope with the horrendous scar on his face nor his hatred of Marie; the capture of Francois grows imminent. Rating T, WC 30648 Links to stories are included within.

The Beautiful in My Eyes Series:

Beautiful in My Eyes

No Night So Long 

Every Storm Runs Out of Rain 

Every Storm Runs Out of Rain

*** So hold your head up and tell yourself that there’s something more and walk out that door.  Go find a new rose, don’t be afraid of the thorns, cause we all have thorns.  Just put your feet up to the edge, put your face in the wind.  And when you fall back down, keep rememberin’.  Every storm runs, runs out of rain.  Just like every dark night turns into day.  Every heartache will fade away.  Just like every storm runs, runs out of rain. *** (Excerpt from song:  Every Storm Runs Out of Rain, written by Gary Allen, Hillary Lindsey, and Matt Warren)

The sudden flash of lightning lit up the interior of Little Joe’s bedroom, and he sprang up in his bed the instant that the crash of thunder shook the house.  The storm had raged on for hours and just when it seemed to be retreating, it had circled around and sent more torrential rain pelting the rough-hewn logs of the ranch house.  Deciding that the storm wasn’t going to be conducive to him falling to sleep, especially since he had tossed and turned for hours already, Joe swung his legs to the side of the bed and reached for his robe lying on the close-by chair.

Little Joe shrugged into his robe but didn’t bother with his slippers.  He’d never understood why Hop Sing had always set them out for him as he found them to be useless.  It just wasn’t in his nature to take the time to put something on his feet unless they were the boots that he needed to wear to go outside. Barefooted, Joe made his way over to his desk and lit the lamp before sitting down.  He reached inside the drawer over to his left and removed the pilfered piece of paper that he had taken off his father’s desk down in his study when no one was looking.

*** Francois Balantaire, six-foot, medium build, dark eyes, wavy brown hair, age fifty. Wanted in connection for assault with a deadly weapon.  Contact Sheriff Roy Coffee, Virginia City, Nevada.  Reward of five thousand dollars leading to his arrest. *** Joe read the information several times in his head and then turned his attention to the man’s likeness.  His stomach knotted up while the large scar on the right side of his face began to throb; he was sure that he was going to throw up.  Joe dropped the wanted poster from his fingers as though it was red hot and might burn him.  He squeezed his eyes closed as everything was back in the forefront of his mind and playing out like he was watching it happen all over again.  For almost four straight weeks he had fought his evil attacker in his sleep, but now he was wide awake, and the images were even more vivid and frightening.  Holding his breath, Little Joe watched as the glint from that strange looking blade inched closer to his face.

***“My father is going to kill you if you cut me!” Little Joe insisted vehemently.

“Oh yes, Ben Cartwright – the man who spent the most money to buy Marie.  I won’t be seeing him on this trip, Joseph.  And, since he is your father, I won’t touch the side that belongs to him,” Francois held the tip of the stiletto up to the right side of Joe’s face.  “I will save the left side for your father, and the right side is where the gift from your mother will rest.”

Joe felt the sharp dagger- like sensation of the tip of the blade.  He involuntarily sucked in air.

“Jagged or straight?” Francois questioned, smiling sinisterly.

“Please — please don’t!” Joe pleaded with the man now that he was sure that he was going through with his plan to cut him.

“Very well, I will leave you a straight scar – a bit easier to see!” Francois nodded over to his prisoner and with a quick flick of his wrist he stabbed the blade of the stiletto into Joe’s right cheek. ***

Joe’s face flinched as he struggled to move away from the knife and the intense God-awful searing pain.  His many attempts to get out of the ropes which bound him to the tree proved useless as the merciless man sank the point of his blade deeper, carving his cheek and laying the right side of his face wide open almost to the bottom of his jaw.  Then with a loud thud, Little Joe overturned the chair causing him to crash down onto the bedroom floor.

Stunned to find himself suddenly lying on his back and looking up at the ceiling, Joe tried to shake himself out of his daze and the familiar haunting visions of all that had happened to him at the hands of Francois Balantaire.  Before he could escape from the chair which had pinned his right leg underneath him, Little Joe turned his head in time to see a lamp entering his room along with his father.

“Joseph!” Ben called out as he hurried to his son’s aid.  He stooped down and helped get his son’s leg untangled from the chair and then helped pull him up.   “What in the world happened?”

Not wanting to admit what he had been doing, Joe shrugged his shoulders and responded, “I just tripped, Pa.  I’m okay.”

When Ben lifted the chair and set it back up to the desk his eyes fell on the wanted poster.  *** No, you didn’t just trip – that’s not even close to the truth. *** Ben thought to himself.  He didn’t need his youngest to explain any further.  The sketch of the vicious assailant said more than anything Joseph could have at the time.  He reached over to his son and felt the back of the boy’s head and said, “You’ve got a bit of a lump there, Joseph.”

“I’m okay – go back to sleep, Pa,” Joe frowned and tried to shake it all off; both the memory that had been conjured along with the knot on his head.

Eyeing his son, Ben shook his head and then reached for the wanted poster.  “Why in the heck did you bring this thing up here, Joseph?  It sure won’t help with those nightmares you keep on having.”

“Don’t want to talk about it,” Little Joe muttered and moved across the room, turning his back on his father as he made it over to the window.

Ben folded the poster and placed it into the side pocket of his robe and then made his way to the nightstand where the pitcher sat. He happened to notice that the frame which held the picture of Marie was still laying faced down, just as it had been for three straight weeks.  Ben knew that his son harbored intense anger with his mother and that the boy had refused all his attempts to explain to Joseph that she wasn’t the cause for the scar on his face and that the only one to blame was Francois Balantaire. He poured a glass of water and then removed a small yellow envelope from the breast pocket of his robe.  Pouring the contents of the envelope into the glass, Ben swirled the medicine around a bit to mix it in.  He couldn’t help himself and had lifted Marie’s picture and set it back up so that it faced the bed.  Bringing the glass of water with him, Ben walked over to his son.

“Drink this down,” he instructed and placed the glass into Joe’s left hand.

“Pa – I – don’t –.” Joe began but his father cut him off.

“No – no complaints just drink it, Joseph – or I’ll stand right here until you give in and do it eventually,” Ben insisted sternly.  “It’s around three-thirty and you’ve just got to get some sleep.  Now – I’ve been patient with you – but it’s been two nights in a row, and you haven’t gotten more than a couple of hours of sleep.”

Never turning around to face Pa, Joe simply stared out the window and saw a bolt of lightning crash close to the barn.  At almost the exact same instant the sudden eruption of thunder again shook the house.  “It’s a gully washer out there, Pa.”

“Joseph.”

“No sense now – it’ll be time to get up in about three more hours,” Joe argued over the logic of taking sleeping medication so late.

“Joseph,” Ben repeated holding his ground.

“I hate this stuff – it leaves me groggy for hours when I get up.”

“Joseph.”

“You know you’ve said my name about a half a dozen times now, Pa,” Joe sighed due to his father’s persistence.

Placing his hand onto his son’s shoulder he gave it a quick squeeze and replied, “I can say it another half dozen times – and I will.  Now, Joseph, drink that down.”

Realizing that Pa wasn’t going to cave this time, Joe downed the contents of the glass and finally turned to stare up into his father’s eyes.  “Satisfied?”

With a tired sigh, he nodded and said, “Yes, Joseph.”

Little Joe groaned as he shook his head and slowly eased over to the bed and sat down.  “Guess I’ll sit and wait for that stuff to hit.  Go on back to bed, Pa – sorry I woke you yet again.”

Ben walked over to the desk and gathered up the lamp he had brought into the room with him.  He turned and stared over at his son and called to him, “Take that robe off and crawl under those covers and I will leave.”

“Pa –,” Joe began to protest but reconsidered when he noticed the look his father was shooting his way.  Ben just stood there at the bedroom door with his arms crossed over his chest in a firm display of resolve that he wasn’t going to budge until his son had done as he had been told.  Surrendering to his father’s command, he quickly pulled off his robe and tossed it to the bottom of the bed.   He then slid underneath both the sheet and quilt.

“Fine – I’m out of the robe and I’m under the covers.  I’ve met your demands – now go back to bed, Pa.”

“Goodnight – Joseph,” Ben smiled wryly and walked out of the bedroom.  He stood in the hallway and pulled the wanted poster out of his pocket and shook his head filled with a combination of worry and anger.  Ben was worried about his son, and he was furious at the man who had cut Joseph and left him with such a horrible looking scar on his face.   *** Balantaire, you are a dead man when I find you!   You’re going to pay for what you did to my boy and how you’ve poisoned his mind with lies about his mother! *** Ben vowed to himself and then turned into his bedroom.

Little Joe rolled onto his right side and reached for his lamp to turn the wick down some.  He spotted the picture of his mother and scowled as he flipped it back face down onto the nightstand.  *** Nice try, Pa.  But I hate her — even if you don’t. *** Joe thought and closed his eyes.

***************

Ben joined his two older boys at the breakfast table just four hours after he had spoken to his youngest.   He passed around the coffee pot and stared at their faces.

“Doesn’t look like either of you got much more sleep than I did.”

Hoss nodded and returned, “That was some fierce storm last night, Pa.  I’d better head out to see if the herd spooked.  Hope the drovers were able to keep them from scattering too much.”

“Good idea.  Adam?  You’re mighty quiet – you feeling okay?”

Setting down his coffee cup he stared across the table at his father and said, “I’m fine – just thinking.  I wonder if Roy has had any luck with those wanted posters yet?”

Ben shrugged and replied, “I’m sure he’d let us know if he did — hopefully someone will spot Balantaire soon.”

“You know, Pa,” Adam paused as he accepted the platter of eggs and bacon from Hoss and then continued.  “It sure was a surprise to Hoss and me that you were able to talk Little Joe into coming inside last night without his bandage on.  I hope it wasn’t just a onetime event.”

“We’ll see how it goes – let’s not say anything and let him decide if he’s comfortable doing it again – at least around us.  I tried to tell him that none of us see him any differently than we always have.  I hope I got through to him.”

“Where is he anyway?” Hoss asked.  “I know he’s usually the last to show for breakfast, but I’d have thought he’d be down by now.”

Ben frowned and shook his head wearily.  “Your brother had another incident late last night.  Evidently, he snuck that wanted poster up to his room and was looking at it when he fell out of the chair by his desk.  I had to force a sleeping powder on him.  I expect he won’t be down any time soon since I gave it to him around three in the morning.”

Hop Sing walked in from the kitchen and stared over at the empty place setting and frowned.  “Little Joe bird eat more than boy does.”

“Just keep something on the stove for him, Hop Sing,” Ben responded as he looked over at the cook.

“Speaking of Joe’s sparrow – I wonder how it did after he set it free?”

Adam smiled and looked over at his brother and said, “Well I guess you’d have to look at the faces of every sparrow around this place to see if you can spot the one with the scar by its beak that Joe fixed up, Hoss.”

“Bird live— Hop Sing sure.  It learn to stay way from cat,” Hop Sing grinned and handed Hoss more flapjacks before returning to the kitchen.

“Pa – I guess I’ll go help Hoss see to the herd and then I’ll go check with Roy – it couldn’t hurt.   What do you have planned for today?”

“I’m expecting a package to come in on the stage, so I’ll probably see you in town later.  Hoss, why don’t you join us?  Maybe if you catch me in a good mood I’ll treat you to a beer?”

Hoss responded by patting his father’s arm and grinning.  “You ain’t got to ask me twice, Pa.  I’ll ride along with Adam after we go and see about the herd and meet you in town.”

“Fine.  Let’s try to meet around four, Boys.”

Both sons nodded and finished eating so they could go right out to work.  It had been better than a month since either man had any rest and relaxation in Virginia City and they needed it and foremost, they knew that their father could use it even more.

*************

“Coffee,” Joe muttered as he slowly walked down the stairs and spied his father sitting at his desk.

Ben laughed and waved the boy over.  “Well, you got about a solid nine hours, Joseph – it’s a start.”

Joe rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head.  “Yeah – but my head’s swimming and I had a heck of a time trying to get my bandage on.  I almost put it on the wrong side of my face,” He complained as he slunk down into the chair next to his father.

“Your head will clear – I’ll go tell Hop Sing to make you some good strong coffee before you leave,” Ben replied and stood from his chair.

“Leave?  Leave for where? I’m not going anywhere, Pa.” Joe insisted.  For over three weeks he had stayed close to the house and worked on chores that wouldn’t require him to leave the yard.  The only time he had ventured away from the Ponderosa had proven to be disastrous.   He had decided to confront the girl who he had a date with for the church social after he had learned from Mitch that she had been talking behind his back about his scar and how terrible he looked.  Foolishly Joe had gone to the church social and surprised both Linda and her date which resulted in the man pulling Joe’s bandage off his face.  It had sent Joe into a downward spiral, and he vowed that he would never again venture anywhere outside the confines of the ranch house’s front yard.

“Relax, I was just going to have you help Fletcher with a small fencing job.  It’s only one section that needs to be restrung, and between the two of you it shouldn’t take more than a few hours to get it done.”

Joe stared up at his father and shook his head, his anger mounting.  “You know how I feel about people seeing me with this bandage on.  You’ve got other hands to help Fletcher.”

Ben drew in a deep breath as he settled his hand down onto his son’s shoulder to choose his words carefully.  “Joseph – Fletcher has seen you and that bandage of yours and he doesn’t care about it.  I wouldn’t be doing you any favors by keeping you here all the time.  I’m not forcing you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with doing right now – but you’ll be fine with Fletcher for the day.  Now come on – let’s go get you that coffee and then you can go out and tend to that fence.”

Folding his arms across his chest Joe frowned and didn’t reply or move from his position in the chair.  He didn’t want to chance running into anyone and leaving the front yard there was always that chance.

“Joseph.” Ben stated firmly.

Groaning because he knew that his father wasn’t going to budge, and, just like the previous night, he no doubt planned to keep incessantly calling his name, Joe finally stood and walked with Pa to the kitchen.

**************

A short while after his father had told him about the plans he had concerning his day, Joe pulled on his jacket and started out of the house just in time to hear his name being shouted by Fletcher.

“Dad gum kid, didn’t you hear me?  I said get your butt into this buckboard time’s a wasting!”

Joe sighed and shook his head; he dreaded spending an entire day with the foreman who was never easy on him or on anyone else for that matter.  Ben, smiling in the doorway, nodded over to Fletcher.

“Don’t be too rough on him now,” Ben called over to the man.

“He’ll put in a good day’s work just the same as me, Ben.  Now sit yourself down, Little Joe, because the two of us have to make up for lost time!”

Joe cast a disgruntled frown over at his father as Fletcher sent the team of horses out of the yard in a fast clip.

*** If anyone can get through to you, Joseph, it’s that grizzly old man.  At the very least he’ll make you work so hard that you’ll fall to sleep on your own tonight – hopefully! *** Ben grinned as he turned back into the house.

*************

“There’s Pa now,” Hoss pointed over to the swinging doors of the Silver Dollar Saloon later that afternoon.   He watched as his father walked inside and over to the table where his two sons sat drinking their beers.

“Another one!” Adam yelled over to Sam the bartender and pointed at his beer.

Ben pulled up a chair and sat down and joined his sons.  “You boy’s been in town long?”

“No – just got here about half a mug ago, Pa,” Hoss smiled and tossed the rest of his beer down.  “I’ll take another, Sam,” he said as the man set Ben’s drink in front of him.  “Oh – and this round is on my dear old daddy.”

Ben frowned and shook his head, “You can leave off the old part, Hoss.”

Sam brought the other two Cartwrights another round of drinks and Ben handed the man enough to pay for the entire table.

“Now—how’s the herd doing, Boys?”

“Not too bad, Pa,” Adam replied and wiped the froth from his top lip.   “But we lost about ten or twelve head in the storm last night.  It’s good beef so I told the men to dress out the ones they could find and find some homesteaders in the valley who could use the meat.”

Ben smiled over at his eldest.  “Good – might as well help wherever we can.  How long will it take to get the herd back in the shape that they were before the storm?”

“A day – maybe two,” Hoss jumped in.  “I figure the two of us will go back to help the drovers tomorrow.”

“Did your package come in on the stage, Pa?” Adam changed the subject.

“Yes – it’s out in the buckboard.  I’ve also got those supplies Hop Sing wanted.”

“Hey – what’s Little Joe doing today?” Hoss asked as he finished his second beer.

Ben grinned and answered, “Oh—you know the fence repair that I told you two about the other day?”

“Yeah – thought you were gonna have Fletcher and Cody work on that.  Did you really send Joe out to do it?”

“Yes, Adam – your little brother is all alone with Fletcher for the day,” He chuckled.

Hoss and Adam exchanged surprised glances and then looked back at their father.

“Fletcher isn’t going to handle Joe with kid gloves, you know, Pa?”

“I know — and maybe – just maybe he might get through to the boy –even in some small way.  At the very least he’ll keep Joseph busy enough that he won’t have time to worry about that bandage of his – or the scar underneath it.”

“I can’t wait to hear what Little Joe says when he gets home,” Hoss smirked.  “Last time I worked with Fletcher we almost came to blows!”

“Joseph knows better than to give that man a hard time – don’t worry.  Now – your “dear old daddy” will buy one more round and then the three of us need to get going.  Let’s stop by and see Roy before we head home,” Ben stated and signaled Sam over to their table.

**************

“You lop-eared stiff necked lazy shiftless – son of a gun.  Where’d you put your work gloves?” Fletcher yelled at Little Joe.

“I didn’t bring any,” Joe fussed right back.  He had already had his fill of the other man and wished that he had tied Cochise’s reins to the back of the buckboard, so he could’ve left early.

“Now how’d you expect to pull fence wire without gloves you no good, pampered little cuss?”

Joe just shrugged his shoulders and looked down at the ground.

“I don’t read sign language, Boy!” Fletcher yelled.  “Here — you take mine and you pull that wire a while and I’ll do the dad blasted nailing.  But you tear those gloves and I’ll take one of these ten-penny spikes and leave you on one of these posts!”  He tossed his rawhide gloves over at Joe.

“I’m about tired of you screaming at me,” Little Joe protested.

Fletcher laughed and reached over and patted the boy’s shoulder and replied, “Oh I beg your pardon – I sure didn’t want to hurt your delicate feelings.  I hope you’ll accept my apologies.”

Joe shook his head and frowned, he knew sarcasm when he heard it.

“Now – if you wouldn’t mind –would you kindly pull this here wire really tight so I could get to the nailing?  If you don’t – well – I’m gonna take this here hammer and you’ll be wearing more than one bandage – kind of even you out!”

“Not funny,” Joe fumed as he looked piercingly over at the other man.

“Oh?  So, I’ve been cussing at you all day and it’s only when I mention you having a bandage that you get your nose out of joint, huh?  That’s what I’ve been waiting for.  Drop that wire and come with me over to the buckboard.  I’ve got a bone to pick with you, Little Joe!”

“Let’s just get this done!” Joe shouted.

Fletcher reached over and grabbed the boy by his elbow, forcing him over to the wagon.  Joe had no choice but to go with the man and reluctantly sat down in the bed of the buckboard.

“Now I got me a few things to say to you, Boy, and you’re gonna listen to me! I ain’t your Pa – thank the good Lord because if’n I was him I’d have put you in a burlap sack years ago and tied it real good like and dumped you into Tahoe.  I swear Ben Cartwright has the patience of a saint when it comes to dealing with your ornery hide.  But I ain’t gonna mollycoddle you like he does.  I’m gonna talk straight with you because I’m too old to waste time. Now — I know you got dealt a bad hand – and that’s a pure shame.  I hate like hell that someone cut you like they did but nobody can take that away now.  And I know you’ve always been able to turn heads with that face of yours.  But you’ve still got one good side left.  How’d you like to be born with this?” Fletcher pointed up to his own face.  “I ain’t never turned a head in my life —though I’ve chased plenty of folks away with this kisser of mine!  Now the way I figure it you’ve got two choices, Little Joe, you can either figure out how to live with it, or you can just go on and let it kill you.  That’s up to you, I guess.  You are moping around and feeling bad and it ain’t helping you, your brothers or your Pa.”

“Let’s just get back to the fencing,” Joe insisted, upset over what the man had already said to him.  He didn’t want to hear any more of it and began to stand up.

Fletcher’s hand grabbed Joe’s arm and shoved him back down.  “I ain’t done, Youngin!  Now listen – I knew me a man who gave up on life – that’s right.  One day he just decided that he was gonna lie down in his bed and die.  And guess what happened?”

Joe simply shrugged his shoulders but didn’t reply.

“I told you that I don’t read sign language you idiot!  If you ain’t the orneriest stump brained — well – anyway.  The man—he laid in his bed and just like he wanted – he died.  Of course, it took him twenty years of laying around in that bed before it happened – and those were some miserable years for all of those around him.  Now – is that what you’re planning on doing?  You going to die slowly and make all of those around you suffer by watching you doing it?”

“Can we just finish the fence?” Joe’s voice fell to a whisper, still avoiding the other man’s eyes.

Fletcher cussed and slapped the boy on the back hard.  “Now why in the absolute hell would you want to fix a fence if you don’t want to go on living?”

Joe jumped to his feet and headed back to where the fencing wire lay on the ground.  “I’m mending fences because my Pa said to fix them – and it sure isn’t going to get done by sitting around in the bed of a wagon!”

“Little Joe,” Fletcher called over to the boy as he approached but this time is voice held a softer tone to it.  “Ain’t nothing in life easy, Boy.  From the time a man’s born we have problems – but we go on – because that’s what the Good Lord wants us to do.  It’s sort of like a test, you know?”

Little Joe spun around a furious expression taking over his face.  “A test?   Good Lord, I’ve had more tests in my seventeen years than practically everyone in the whole territory of Nevada!  I don’t need any more tests!  I’m just trying to get by each day – and every single day I wake up to this face or what’s left of it!   Unless you’ve had your face carved while you watched then you’ll never understand what I’m feeling, Fletcher.”

“You’re hurting — and that IS something that I DO know about, Little Joe.  Maybe I’ve not had the same kind of pain that you’ve been going through — but I’ve had plenty of it in my life.  But you need to let some of it go before it does kill you.  Nobody wants to see that – not even me – and you know that I don’t give two hoots about your no-account self!”

Joe stared over at the other man, and he could read the concern displayed in his eyes.  He knew that Fletcher liked him even if he would deny it to his dying day.

“Let’s get to this fencing, okay?” Joe asked as he nodded over to Fletcher that he understood why he had tried to talk to him.

Fletcher laughed and patted the boy’s shoulder and replied, “You shiftless mule headed skunk – I’ve been trying to get a day’s worth of work out of you for years.  It’s about time you tried to hold up your own end for a change!  Now pull that wire or I’ll throw this here hammer at you!”

***************

“They’re back, Pa,” Hoss called from the door as he watched the buckboard pull into the front yard.

“How does the boy look?” Ben inquired, never standing from his chair next to the fireplace.

Hoss snickered and turned to look at his father.  “Looks like Little Joe is dragging just trying to walk in from the front corral.

“Close the door – I don’t want him to think we were worried about him, Son.”

Retaking his seat on the settee, Hoss settled down as Adam came down the stairs.

“I just saw Joe from my window – the kid looks weak.”

“Hoss already made his report,” Ben grinned over at his eldest.  “Now let’s not say anything and just hope for the best.”

Before Adam could respond, Little Joe slowly came in the door and pulled his holster off.

“Have a good day, Little Brother?” Hoss asked, fighting a grin.

Joe simply groaned in response and removed his jacket, hanging it on the hatrack.

“Hop Sing said we’re eating in about ten minutes, Joseph.  Why don’t you go get washed up?”

Staring around the living room Joe could read the amusement on everyone’s faces though they were trying their best to disguise their mirth.

“Yeah – Fletcher rode me – very funny.  I’m never going to spend another minute with that old coot.  I’m gonna go clean up and get a new bandage,” he sighed shaking his head.

Ben could tell that Hoss was about to chide his little brother, so he had to reach over to him and pat his arm while firing off a warning look.  He didn’t want to get the boy so angry that he wouldn’t be coming down for supper.

“Fletcher means well, Joseph – he’s just set in his ways,” Ben called over to the stairs where he noticed his youngest was readying to beat a fast exit.

“Yeah – sure,” Joe frowned and continued up to his bedroom.  He had already surmised why his father had sent him off to work side by side with Fletcher.  Pa was evidently hoping that in the foreman’s own inimitable way he might talk him into trying harder to go on with his life.  That might have worked when he was much younger and maybe had a broken heart, but this wasn’t the same situation.  Joe was hurting more than anyone realized both due to his scar and the loss of his love for his mother; and neither problem was ever going to be resolved as far as he was concerned.

***************

“For what we are about to receive let us be grateful, amen,” Ben finished saying the nightly blessing and began to send the platters of food around the table.

“I make roast vely soft for you, Little Joe – you must eat – get strong!” Hop Sing called out to the boy as he placed the basket of rolls on the dinner table.

Joe nodded to the cook and began to eat while watching the looks going around the table.  He knew what was not being said and why.

“Don’t feel like going without it tonight,” Joe indicated his bandage.  He had taken it off briefly the previous night during the storm at his father’s urging, but Joe hadn’t planned on making it a nightly habit.

“That’s fine,” Ben whispered and directed his gaze to his other sons hoping someone would start some kind of conversation to change the subject and help fill the awkward silence which had suddenly fallen over the room.

“Hey, Joe – did I ever tell you about the time Fletcher and I worked on the repairs on the breaking corral?”

Joe sighed, he figured that everyone wanted to find out how he had handled his day.  “No, Hoss, what about it?”

“Well, that ornery cuss and I darn near came to blows before we’d worked an hour together.  I ended it though – I threw him into the horse trough.  He was spitting water for hours after I did that!”  Hoss’ laughter was echoed by both Adam and Pa.

“Yeah, he’s a whole lot of fun to work with,” Joe groaned.  “I hope you’ve got something better for me to do tomorrow, Pa.”

“How about riding out with your brothers and helping them get the herd rounded up?  Those steers had a time in that storm last night, Joseph, and there are still some strays that need to be found and cut back in with the herd.”

“I’d rather not.  There are still plenty of things that I can do around here,” Joe argued.

“If you’ll go out with us, we promise to be a whole lot easier on you than Fletcher was, Kid,” Adam tried to cajole his brother.

Standing from the table, Joe dropped his napkin down and decided to put the discussion to rest.   He muttered, “I’m tired – gonna go to bed.   Goodnight.”  He walked away not wanting any more suggestions about what kinds of chores everyone wanted him to do the following day.

Ben shook his head, exasperated over his failure to get through to his son.  He sighed as he watched the boy heading to the stairs.  He was worried that they had all pushed him a bit too hard and he regretted it.

Just as Joe got halfway across the living room something caught his eye and he stopped abruptly.  He shot a glance at the wall just to the right of his father’s desk.  There hanging down from a peg was his mother’s epee.

“What the heck is that doing there?” Joe yelled and pointed at the sword.

Ben sat his napkin on the table and walked over to where the boy now stood rigidly, a furious countenance controlling his face.  “Joseph – I sent your mother’s epee off to the sword cutler in New Orleans to have it repaired last year – don’t you remember?”

Little Joe’s face took on a severe appearance as he turned and stared into Pa’s eyes and retorted, “How appropriate it just happens to show up now!  Why’d you have to hang it up there?”

“Until the bell guard broke it always hung there –and you know it, Joseph.  Your mother left it for you —- she’d always hoped you’d take up fencing someday and that she would be the one to teach you.  I can’t count the many times you played with that epee when you were a youngster.”

“I don’t want that thing – or anything else from her!” Joe shouted and began to walk away.

Ben grabbed his son’s arm to prevent his departure.  “Joseph – this has gone far enough.  You’ve got to stop blaming your mother for what happened to you!”

Angrily breaking free from the hold Pa had on his elbow, Little Joe reached up and yanked off his bandage displaying the horrible scar.  He vehemently announced, “If she hadn’t been with that man and sent him off in a rage he wouldn’t have come after me!  It’s her fault that he did this to my face!  I’m stuck with all the bad choices she made and how she chose to live her life!  I don’t want any memories of her – including seeing that epee hanging there.  If you can’t understand that then just leave me alone!”  Joe hurried to the stairs, seeking solace in his bedroom as he had done so many times.

Both Hoss and Adam rallied around their father witnessing how devastated he appeared after what Little Joe had said.

“It’ll be okay, Pa – the kid just needs some time.”

“Yeah, Adam’s right – I mean it’s only been a month and Little Joe’s still hurting something fierce.  I don’t think he’ll stay mad at his ma too much longer,” Hoss tried his best to reassure his father. He draped an arm over Pa’s shoulder in an attempt to provide him some comfort.

“I just don’t know, Boys —lately it’s getting harder to come up with things to say to him that won’t set him off,” Ben sighed and stared over at the epee.  “Marie wanted Joseph to have that sword – it meant a lot to her.  She always hoped that she would be the one to teach the boy the art of fencing – but she just ran out of time.”
“He’ll come back around, Pa.  C’mon let’s all finish eating,” Adam insisted and urged Ben and Hoss back into the dining room.  Hop Sing stood next to the table after witnessing all that had happened.  He shook his head sadly and walked back into the kitchen.

**************

Both Adam and Hoss had turned in for the evening a little before eleven and had done their best to talk their father into doing the same, but he had insisted that he needed some time alone to plot a course of action that might help their little brother cope with everything that had happened.  Ben hadn’t had any luck.  He knew that there wasn’t anything that could be done to help heal Joseph’s scar or persuade him to give up on his hatred towards his mother.

Looking across at his study Ben stood and, still in deep consternation over everything that had happened in the past month, made his way over to the brandy decanter.  He needed something to soothe his nerves.  He poured a good couple of shots of the amber colored alcohol into his brandy snifter and turned to stare at the epee hanging just a few feet from his desk.  Ben touched the sword and the memories of Marie flooded his mind.  A sentimental smile played on his lips when he remembered the day that the two of them had hung the epee right where it now rested.

*** “Darling, this is the perfect place!” Marie pointed to the support wall just to the right of where Ben had recently placed his new desk and chair.

“Now, Marie,” Ben growled, feigning that he wasn’t in agreement.  “Isn’t it tempting fate a bit?  We have three boys who are all a bit too inquisitive for their own good.  Perhaps we’d better just keep it in the trunk?”

“No, Ben, I want the boys to all see it – and if they’re careful – I think it will be just fine.”

“Careful?  Okay—maybe Adam – he’s thirteen and it seems like he’ll end up being the most obedient of the lot of them.  Hoss –well he’s in that clumsy stage right now.  That boy is going to be taller than me in just a couple of years the way he’s growing.  Have you seen that boy’s feet?  They’re so big he’s been tripping a lot lately – I’d hate to think of him getting his hands on this epee!”

Marie laughed and put her arms around her husband’s neck and kissed his cheek.  “Oh, he might be big – but he listens, Darling.  I’m sure once we explain to both Adam and Hoss not to touch this without one of us with them, they’ll both mind.”

Ben chuckled and ran his fingers through his wife’s long hair as he returned her kiss.  “Madam, you are trying to get your way – as usual – and you’re pretty sure of yourself that I’ll cave in once again, right?”

Marie’s eyes twinkled as she grinned and nodded.  “Is it working yet?  Or do you need some other form of persuasion?”

Before he could respond, Ben heard the cries of an infant.  He laughed and pointed over at the staircase.  “Your form of “persuasion” is why we have that little curly headed two -year- old up there who evidently is giving Hop Sing a fit about taking his bath!”

“Maybe I’d better go help?”

Ben grabbed the woman’s arm as she began to head to the stairs.  He gently pulled his wife back into his arms.  “Oh, Hop Sing can handle YOUR son!” He exclaimed.

“Oh – that’s right, Ben – when Little Joe is acting up, he is MY son!  But when he’s good as gold, he’s YOURS, right?”

Ben nodded and nuzzled Marie’s neck and replied, “Of course.  And, it would seem that Joseph has been more YOUR son here lately than he’s been MINE!  For a two-year-old he’s a master of manipulation.  The only time he’s happy is when he’s getting his own way about things — much like his mother!”

Laughing, Marie responded as she raised her eyebrows, “Ben, you are the one who gives in to that child — not me!  How many times have I put Little Joe in his crib only to find five minutes later that you’ve snuck him right back into our bed?”

Ben coughed into his hand, knowing that he was guilty as charged but he wasn’t going to admit it now.  “Let’s get back to this epee situation, Marie.  Now about that two-year-old – what’s going to happen in a few years when he’ll be trying to get his hands on this thing?  Isn’t that tempting fate with OUR boy?”

“No – his father will keep him from getting his hands on it.  I have confidence in your own kind of persuasion – the kind you use on our other boys.  They all listen to you, especially when you raise that commanding voice of yours!   Joseph will learn to respect the sword.  And I’ll do my part in explaining to him that the epee isn’t a toy.  I’m hoping that he will come to appreciate it when he’s a bit older.  Then I can teach him the same things that I learned when I was a youngster about the fine art of fencing.”

Ben hugged the woman to him and kissed her neck again.  “What a woman!  You sew, cook, handle a house of rowdy boys and can fence like an expert swordsman – excuse me – swordswoman!”

“That’s not all that I can do, Ben – but you’ll need to get that two-year-old into his crib tonight before I can show you my other skills,” Marie winked.

“Then let’s get this epee hung up really fast and put Joseph down right away!” Ben insisted and let go of his wife long enough to get the wooden mallet from off his desk.

“Here?” He asked as he held the peg up to his eyelevel readying to hammer it into the wall.

Marie stepped back just a couple of feet and eyed the placement.  “Maybe just a little higher, Ben.”

Lifting the hammer and readying to sink the peg in Ben cast one final look at his wife.  “Now let me know before I commit myself here!”

Marie laughed and nodded to her husband.  “That’s perfect, Darling.”

Ben soon had the peg securely into the wall and Marie handed him her epee.

“There you are, Mrs. Cartwright,” Ben grinned as he hung the epee on the peg.

Marie walked over to Ben and threw her arms around his neck and gave him a passionate kiss.  The two shared a few loving minutes together and then the loud cries of the little boy upstairs filtered down into the room.

“There’s YOUR son again, Ben,” Marie laughed.

Sighing to himself, Ben wrapped his arm around his wife’s waist and nodded.  “Okay, he can be MINE for a few minutes while I set him straight and put him in his crib.  Then – it’s our time,” He winked and then they walked up the staircase together. ***

Ben’s fingers lovingly touched the bell guard of the epee and, closing his eyes, he could almost feel Marie’s lips on his.  The memory had been vivid and as far as he was concerned another reason as to why the sword needed to stay in the exact place as he had hung it fifteen years earlier.  Joseph would either have to get used to it hanging on the wall or avoid it because the epee was a reminder to Ben of the love he had shared with Marie and he wasn’t willing to part with it.

*** Somehow, I’ve just got to get through to you, Joseph.  Your mother loved you so much – you have to let go of your anger towards her. *** Ben sighed and then turned to go up to his room.

**************

“Fine I’ll go,” Little Joe surrendered to the pressure by his father.  He had finally given in to the consensus from his family members that he should go out with his brothers and help round up strays.  He stood at the credenza and strapped on his holster.

Ben drew closer to his youngest and dropped his hand down onto the boy’s shoulder.  He didn’t want Joseph to leave for the day with the attitude that he was being forced into doing something that he wasn’t comfortable with.

“It won’t be so bad, Son.  Just give it a try — you can always come back if it’s too much on you,” he said fostering calm into the cadence of his voice.

Little Joe reached up with his right hand and pressed the bandage down, making sure that it was secure.  “I just wish that you all would —-,” He stopped in midsentence.  There wasn’t any point in trying to explain how he was feeling because apparently no one in the house understood his fears.

“It’ll be okay,” Ben whispered as he watched his son pull on his hat and turn for the door.  “Be sure to stay close to at least one of your brothers.  We’re still taking precautions just in case,” He warned, though he purposely didn’t say the name of Joe’s assailant.

“They’re already outside ready to go, Pa.  Goodbye.”

“Take care of yourself, Joseph, I’ll see you later this evening.”

Hurrying outside Joe could see that one of his brothers had already saddled Cochise and handed over his reins.

“You three take care!” Ben sang out to his sons, who turned and waved as they rode out of the yard.

**************

Going over his ledgers as well as perusing a new bid he was making on selling some timber, Ben turned in his chair when there was a knock on the front door.  Hop Sing hurried out of the kitchen to greet Sheriff Roy Coffee and walked him over to the study.

“Good to see you, Roy,” Ben smiled and shook the man’s outstretched hand.

“You too, how you been doing, Ben?” He asked as he took a seat opposite his old friend.

“Oh, not bad – and you?”

Roy nodded and returned, “Same.  I’ve got a little news for you about Balantaire.”

Ben’s ears perked up and his face took on a grave appearance.  “Has someone found him?”

“Naw – haven’t been that lucky but someone spotted him.  I told you earlier this week that I got to thinking that I should’ve added that man’s alias when I printed up those first wanted posters.  So, I had the printer to fix it for me, and we added that Balantaire also goes by Frank Brown.  I did tell you that Bill Gentry identified Balantaire as the man who stayed at the hotel for the week before Joe was taken, right?”

Ben nodded and scowled just thinking of the man who had cut Joseph.  “So, you sent out those new posters about four days ago, right?”

“Yeah – and I sent me a bunch of telegrams off with that alias just in case.  I heard back early this morning that someone who fits the description and used the name of Frank Brown bought a horse off a rancher just south of Silver City.  He told Sheriff Burkett down there that a man who called himself that just walked onto his ranch and asked around if there were any horses for sale because he said his came up lame and he had to put it down.  So, this rancher, name of Clausen, sold him a chestnut mare.   The rancher didn’t know anything about Balantaire until he’d gone into town for supplies the next day and saw one of the posters.   He told Sheriff Burkett hoping that he could help catch him.”

Ben stood and began pacing in front of his desk deep in thought.  Finally, he turned and stared down at Roy.  “Silver City?  That’s only a day and a half’s ride from here.  Doesn’t sound like Balantaire is in much of a hurry to get out of the area.  He’s had a month now – he could have gone back east to New Orleans or west to San Francisco.  Wonder what he’s up to?”

Roy shrugged his shoulders and sighed.  “Don’t know, Ben – wish I did.  Oh, that horse has the bar S brand on it so we can watch out to see if it shows up around these parts along with him.  At least it’s the first time anyone has seen Balantaire – maybe we’ll get lucky and find him?”

“Yeah, I’d like to find him alright,” Ben responded with both frustration and anger in his voice.

“Where’s Little Joe?  I hope you’re keeping an eye on that boy—because he was the target last time – and who knows if Balantaire is done with Joe.”

Ben nodded and replied, “He’s out with his brothers and no one is taking their eyes off of him.”

Roy stood and sighed, “I gotta be going, Ben.  Just thought I’d let you know what’s been going on.”

Ben shook the sheriff’s hand before he turned to leave.  “Thanks, Roy—I really appreciate all you’ve done.”

Roy nodded and walked to the door.  “We’ll get him, Ben, it’s just a matter of time now.  Try not to worry.”

“Thanks again,” Ben called to his friend as he walked to his horse.  He turned back inside the house, and his mind was filled with many things.  He felt anxious to find the evil man and make him pay for all the harm he had caused his youngest son, and he felt an intense hatred for the man that wouldn’t let go of him.  Foremost he wanted some kind of closure for Joseph.  The boy had been scarred in too many ways and all due to the cruelty of Francois Balantaire.

****************

“We figure we’re missing about twenty head of cattle, Adam,” The ranch hand named Cody told the eldest Cartwright son as he rode up next to him.

“Hoss and Joe are east looking down by the river.  You have any idea which way they headed when they all scattered during the storm?”

Cody shook his head and returned, “No – we’ve done our best to keep the rest of the herd together, Adam.  We did find those steer that didn’t make it through the storm and Hank and Dusty dressed them out and took them down into the valley to a couple families there.  They were very glad to get the beef from what Dusty said, and they wanted him to thank you all for doing that.”

Adam stood in his stirrups and looked in the direction where his brothers had headed a little while earlier.  “Think I’ll go catch up with Hoss and Joe and see if they’ve had any luck.  If so, we’ll cut them into the herd so just help the other men and make sure those crazy steers stay together!”

“We’ll do it, Adam.  See you!” Cody exclaimed and kicked his horse’s sides, sending it off into a gallop.

***************

Hoss uncoiled his spare lariat and wrapped it around the second of two small calves he had found down by the river.  Meanwhile Joe was sitting atop his horse pulling along another two calves.  Hoss mounted Chubb and moved closer to his little brother.

“Well, this makes four.  Let’s go bring these in then go look somewhere else, Little Brother.”

Joe’s right hand went up to his face and pressed down hard.  All day long he had struggled to keep his bandage in place, and it was becoming a nuisance.  And since he was going to be around some of the other ranch hands, Joe wanted to be sure that his scar stayed hidden.

“I’ll stay until we cut these back into the herd then I’m heading home,” Little Joe announced as Hoss rode closer to him.

“You not feeling good?”

Joe just dropped his head, not wanting to tell his brother what was really going on.  He had forgotten to bring the extra bandages and collodion which was needed to get the material to stay in place.

“I just don’t feel like rounding up these loco cows all day.  I told Pa that I had other things to do but he didn’t bother to listen,” Joe replied.

Hoss reached over and patted his brother’s shoulder and tried to figure out what to say to the boy.  He could tell that Little Joe was troubled, but that had been the way of things for a month, and it was hard to know what the kid was thinking anymore.

“Well, Little Joe, I’m just glad that you came out with us.  I know it’s hard to get back to regular chores after – well – you know,” Hoss trailed off.

Both brothers looked up towards the hill and could see Adam riding in at a fast clip.  They kicked the sides of their mounts and tried to get the cows to cooperate as they hurried up the rise to meet up with their brother.

“What’s the big hurry, Adam?” Hoss asked as they finally got the calves that they were pulling behind their horses to make it up the hill.

“Look there!” Adam returned and pointed to the west.  “A big thunderhead and it looks like it’s coming this way.  Let’s get those calves in with the herd and help the other ranch hands before we get put in a real predicament.  The last storm got those steers all jittery we don’t need that to happen again.  Come on, Brothers, let’s get moving!”

Little Joe looked back and forth between both of his brothers and frowned.  He had the intention of just getting the calves he had trailing behind his horse back in with the herd and then heading back to the ranch house.  But now it seemed as though he’d have to join in with the other hands and his brothers attempting to stop the whole herd from panicking.  He mashed the bandage on his face and then kicked Cochise’s sides.

Just thirty minutes later the storm was on top of the herd, the drovers, and the Cartwright brothers.  Along with the torrential rain there was fierce thunder and lightning.  Joe was flanked by three ranch hands while Hoss and Adam rode on the opposite side of the herd trying to steer the cattle to the left to prevent them from stampeding.  It was then that all hell broke loose.

**************

Ben had been worried all afternoon.  He had heard the distant sound of thunder, and he was afraid that the threat of a storm might catch up with his sons and the herd.  He had thought about going to join up with them but figured that he’d better let his sons try their hand at keeping the herd together without his intervention.  It was a younger man’s game now, though Ben never minded getting dirty or wet, if need be, he hoped that his boys would stick together and handle it on their own this time.  Ben also knew that there were quite a few drovers out with the herd and they would most likely be assisting his boys.  That didn’t mean that he wasn’t worried about his sons though.  He had paced in front of the fireplace for hours unable to do his bookwork until he knew that all three were okay.  Having been around cattle for many years, Ben knew the risk of a stampede and how it could turn into a life and death situation very quickly.  He prayed that his sons wouldn’t have to deal with that kind of risk anytime soon.

Six o’clock rolled around and Ben turned when he saw the door fly open and in walked both Adam and Hoss.  Each man was soaked to the bone.  Ben jumped up from his chair next to the fireplace and hurriedly joined his boys over at the credenza.

“What in the world happened?” Ben’s voice was anxious and sharp in tone.

The two men pulled off their hats which were dripping wet.  Hop Sing had apparently heard the commotion and quickly ran into the living room with a pile of freshly washed towels in his hands.

“Here – you not catch cold!” The cook insisted and handed towels to both brothers.

“Thanks – we’re soaked!” Hoss nodded gratefully to Hop Sing and began to dry his hair.

Ben opened the front door and scanned the yard hoping to catch sight of his youngest.  “Where’s Joe?”

Hoss and Adam exchanged woeful glances, and each man drew in a deep breath wondering how they would explain the situation to their father who they already could tell was worried over the boy.

“Pa – things just went from bad to worse today,” Adam began.

“Just tell me where the boy is first!” Ben insisted.

“You reckon we can all sit by the fireplace and dry out while we tell you, Pa?  Adam and I are plum worn out and soaked down to our long johns.”

Stepping back, he allowed his sons to advance to the hearth.   Ben drew in a deep breath worried that the upcoming story would not be a pleasant one.  He joined his sons next to the fireplace.  He watched as they both went about trying to dry off some before explaining what had happened.

“So?  Where is your brother?” Ben couldn’t wait any longer, he needed to know that Joe was, at the very least, safe.

“Here,” Hop Sing reappeared carrying robes for the two very wet young men.

Hoss removed his shirt and pulled his robe across his chest as he sat down on the hearth to warm up.  “Thanks, Hop Sing.”

“Pa?  Could you spare some brandy for Hoss and me?  It might warm up our insides,” Adam asked hoping to have a few minutes before getting to the crux of the matter.

“Is your brother alive?” Ben couldn’t wait another minute to hear what had happened to his youngest.

“Yeah, Pa – he’s alive and up in his room,” Adam nodded.

Ben crossed the room to his study and grabbed the brandy decanter and three glasses.  He brought the liquor over to the fireplace and poured three drinks.   “Here,” Pa said and handed both of his sons a glass of brandy.  “Now tell me – I didn’t see Joseph come in here!”

Hoss and Adam exchanged somber glances and then looked up at their father.  “I didn’t think that you would, Pa.  Joe didn’t even put Cochise away – and you know how much he loves that horse!  Me and Adam put her away after Joe left her there in the rain.  He bolted in the house through the kitchen, so he must’ve gone up the back stairs.  Joe was in a blind rage when he got here and wouldn’t talk to either of us.”

“He just wanted to get to his room, Pa.  The storm was on top of us before we could do anything about it.  We couldn’t take shelter because the herd almost stampeded.  We finally got them corralled inside that box canyon three miles from Syler’s Ridge.  I sent some of the other ranch hands from the bunkhouse to go help the drovers, so they’d have a full crew for the night.”

Ben nodded and replied, “I’m happy to hear about the herd, however I want to know what happened to your brother.”

“It was a pure melee, Pa.  The three of us and the drovers and the storm on top of us with rain so hard you couldn’t keep your eyes open long.  Joe was off to one side and me and Adam was on the other.  I seen Joe come out of his saddle and a couple of the hired hands went down to help him.  Little Joe lost his bandage and was there soaked and down in the mud.  He was in a pure panic and didn’t want anyone to help him.  Adam and me couldn’t get through those cows to get to him until we got the herd down into that canyon.  Next thing we seen was Little Joe riding off at break-neck speed trying to get away from everyone.  Adam told Cody and Dusty what to do for the night and then we rode home trying to catch up with the boy.”

Ben’s gaze tracked up the stairs knowing that his youngest would be completely devastated due to what had happened.  He had taken his bandage off one time around his brothers but hadn’t made any attempt to do it again and now due to the sudden storm and all that had ensued Joseph’s scar had been exposed in front of several of the drovers.  Ben knew what that would do to the boy.

“Pa,” Adam began after taking a long sip of his brandy.  “There just wasn’t any way to know about that storm coming until it was too late.  And when Joe fell off his horse – those men were just trying to help the kid, worried that he’d get trampled unless he got back in the saddle.  But they all saw his scar when they went down to the ground to try and pull him up, that’s what set Joe off.”

Hop Sing walked into the living room and stared over at Ben.  “Door locked – Hop Sing already try help Little Joe.  He say go away.”

Ben reached his hand to his neck and tried to rub the tightness out of the muscle there.  He had stiffened during the retelling of events and was at a loss over how to handle the situation.

“Let him be for now, Hop Sing.  I’ll go and talk to him in a little while.  Why don’t you heat up some bath water for these two boys?  They’re both wet and muddy and could use a soak.  Afterwards, hopefully, we can get Joe in a tub too.”

“Vely worried for Little Joe.  Will go heat water,” Hop Sing called to Ben and returned to the kitchen.

Looking across the room at his two older boys, Ben could see how upset they were, and he knew that he needed to try and reassure them.  “You both did the best you could.  It’s nobody’s fault.  Go on and find some dry clothes and then go into the bath house.  After a good soaking you won’t feel quite so bad,” He smiled over at his sons and attempted to sound more hopeful than he was at the time.

“We’re sorry, Pa — guess asking Little Joe to round up strays with us wasn’t such a good idea,” Adam sighed and stood from the chair.

“Like I said – it’s nobody’s fault.  Thank you both for handling the herd and trying to help your little brother.  Now go on the both of you.”

“Okay, Pa,” Hoss nodded and patted his father’s arm as he and Adam walked up to their rooms to get some dry clothes to put on after their baths.

*** Oh Joseph—I wish you didn’t have to go through all of this.  I hope I can find the words – if there are any. *** Ben closed his eyes and wondered what he could possibly say this time.

**************

If misery had a scent it would smell like Little Joe Cartwright did that night.  He had mud caked all over him from the fall from his saddle.  It was from the top of his head and advanced all the way down to the insides of his boots.  And then there was his scar which hadn’t been spared by the thick brown mud. The large puddle of brown ooze had been at least three inches deep and splattered all over Joe due to the pounding hooves of the cattle which had panicked and caused Cochise to spook, dropping her master right down in the middle of everything.  Joe’s black hat had flown off his head and the last time he had seen it a steer was grinding it underneath its hooves.  Worse than anything was the fact that even before he had taken the fall off his horse the bandage had become waterlogged and slid off his face.  The moment he had attempted to grab it was the same moment that Cochise had decided to bolt, sending him flying out of the saddle.  He never saw the bandage again.  Just as soon as the other drovers had seen him go down, they rushed to Joe’s aid.  It was the very last thing that he needed.  Joe would rather have been crushed under the weight of the herd than to be sitting on the ground with the wind knocked out of him and looking up into the faces of three men.  He knew that every one of them had seen the horrible scar on his face, there was no getting around that fact.  Joe had tried to cover the scar with his right hand, but the three men were shoving him back up onto Cochise which prevented him from hiding the scar.  All he could do after that was try and flee the area for self-preservation.  It was then that he spurred his horse and headed back to the ranch house in the blinding rain.  Joe no longer cared about the herd or anything else.  He just needed to get back to a place where he knew he’d be safe and that was his bedroom where he had been sitting still soaking wet for better than two hours.  Joe didn’t care.

**************

Adam and Hoss had each taken a bath and put on fresh clothes.  They were starting to feel better but they both were worried about their little brother and what he was doing alone in his bedroom.  Hop Sing had asked Little Joe to come down for dinner, but he had refused and told him to just leave him alone.  Ben had yet to try to speak with his youngest, still pondering how to handle the delicate situation.  He joined his two boys at the dinner table and though he had no appetite at the time, he did eat his meal to allay Hop Sing’s worry.

“Well, Pa?  You gonna go up there?” Hoss asked when supper was over and the three men settled in the living room.

Ben groaned and shook his head wearily.  “You know, Boys, I’ve been a father for quite some time.  I’ve handled broken hearts and broken bones — and through it all I was always able to come up with something to make each one of you feel just a little bit better with my lectures.  But, to tell you the truth – I don’t know what to say this time.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t say anything, Pa,” Adam sighed.  “The kid is hurting – that’s a given – but maybe he’s just got to come out of it on his own?”

Hoss and Ben looked at Adam like he had two heads.  “Adam – you think Pa should just leave Little Joe up there and not say anything to him?  He’s feeling mighty low right now – if you don’t want to go talk to him, Pa, then I will,” Hoss insisted, his concern for his little brother mounting as each hour ticked away.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Hoss,” Adam corrected himself.  “Pa – you were saying that you couldn’t find the words that would help Joe.  I was just suggesting that maybe there aren’t any.  That doesn’t mean that you can’t go up there and listen to him.  I’m sure he’s got a lot to vent out about now.”

Ben drew in a deep breath and stood next to the fireplace.  “That storm isn’t easing up out there,” He remarked and put another log on top of the grate and grabbed the fire poker.  Ben spread the red-hot coals around while he thought about all Adam had said.

“I’ve been trying to put myself in Little Joe’s place and I understand some of what he’s going through, Pa.  Nobody likes to be humiliated and that’s what the boy is right now because of that bandage coming off him,” Hoss tried to explain himself.  “We couldn’t get through those cows to get to him – maybe if it had just been Adam and me he’d not be so upset since we have seen that scar before? But it wasn’t us – it was three of the drovers.  There for just a minute when I saw them trying to get Little Joe back up in the saddle it almost looked like the kid would rather have stayed on the ground and got trampled.”

Ben turned around and cast an apprehensive glance at his middle boy.  “You think Joe wanted to get trampled underneath the hooves of those steers?”

Shrugging his shoulders Hoss answered, “I don’t rightly know, Pa – I’m just saying what it looked like to me.”

“Well, we all know that the kid can’t stay under a bandage for the rest of his life – it’s got to come off eventually, Hoss,” Adam remarked.  “I hate it for the kid – and wish something could take it away – but we’ve got to face the fact that Joe is going to have to live with that scar.”

“He’s not ready yet,” Ben grumbled and then sat in his chair.  “Joseph is hanging on by a thin thread – just like I told you both a week ago.  And it’s not just that scar – it’s also what’s going on with him about Marie.  The boy has a world of problems right now and I’m not going to suggest that he remove that bandage – not yet at least.”

“So?  What’re you gonna do, Pa?” Hoss returned to his original question.

Hop Sing brought in a pot of coffee and three cups and set it onto the table.

“Thank you,” Ben smiled over at the cook.  “Hop Sing – could you put on the water for a bath – Joseph needs to get that mud off him – he’s probably as much a mess as these two boys were.”

Nodding Hop Sing returned, “I go put on now.  How you get boy down to take bath, Mister Ben?”

Shaking his head, Ben stood and said, “I’ve no idea – but I’ll do my best.  So, you get it ready and hopefully he will be down just as soon as that water is hot.”

“Vely good.  Hop Sing go now,” He answered and hurried out of the room.

“Well,” Ben sighed and stared down at his sons and said, “wish me luck – I’ll need it!”

“Good luck, Pa,” Hoss nodded over at his father.

“Yeah – hope the kid doesn’t give you too much trouble, Pa,” Adam replied as he watched Ben walking up the staircase.

**************

“Joseph – please open your door,” Ben first tried the soft approach.

“Go away,” Came Joe’s reply through the locked door.

“Now, Joseph – do I have to get out my pocketknife again?  It will only postpone my getting inside there by about two minutes.”

“Just leave me be, Pa.”

“Open your door.”

Joe didn’t want to cross the room, and he didn’t want to open his door.  And foremost he didn’t want to talk to anyone, including his father.  But the plain fact was that Pa wasn’t going to just stand out in the hallway and give up.  Unlocking the door, Joe stepped back into his room, turning away from his father.  He ambled back across the room as though he had just let a stranger inside and not the person he relied on more than anyone else in his life.

Ben drew in a deep breath as he first scanned the bedroom.  Joe hadn’t done as he usually had lately, there wasn’t one single item on his bureau or nightstand which had been tossed across the room in a rage.  He could see that Marie’s picture had been placed face down once again, but Ben decided to just leave that be for the present.

Now it was time to inspect his son and how he had fared both physically when he fell from Cochise and emotionally due to the aftermath of his bandage coming off leaving his scar for all to see.  Ben watched as Joe just stood at his window staring out at the storm which still raged on.

“It’s some storm out there,” Ben commented as he walked to where his son was standing with his back facing him.  There was no response.  “I was worried about all three of you boys – but from what your brothers said the herd is safe in that box canyon for now.”  Complete silence from Joe once again.  Sighing, Ben reached over to his son and placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder.  “Joseph – you’re going to have to help me this time — I’m at a loss as to what to say to you.”  Joe simply shook his head in response.  “I know that you’re upset – and I’m sorry about what happened.  But the drovers were much more concerned with getting you back in the saddle where you’d be safe than to stare at that scar, Joseph.”

Little Joe slowly turned and stared at Pa, and his face told a good part of how he was feeling.  Mud was still caked inside the indention of his scar.  Joe obviously hadn’t done anything to rid himself of the aftereffects of the fall from his horse.  There was an intense sadness on his son’s face that ate straight through to Ben’s heart.  He just wanted to hold the boy and shoulder his pain even if it wouldn’t take it away.

“They saw it alright,” Joe responded and his eyes showed a mixture of humiliation and anger.  “It was only a couple of seconds but each one of them looked at me like they were going to be sick to their stomach when they got a load of my scar.”

Ben tenderly reached over and placed his right palm onto his son’s left cheek, leaving the side which bore the scar alone.  “Son, I know that’s what you’re thinking but that doesn’t make it so.  The way your brothers told the story all those men wanted was to get you out of harm’s way.”

Joe’s piercing stare was aimed directly into his father’s eyes when he replied, “Pa – what’s it going to take before you actually look at my scar and admit how terrible it is?  How can you stand there day after day and look at me and pretend that half of my face isn’t destroyed?”

“It’s not destroyed, Joseph – there’s a scar – but your face isn’t destroyed,” Ben answered softly trying his best to offer a sense of calm to the dreadful situation.

“Oh, Pa – can’t you stop being my father for just a minute and be honest with me?  I had to force Hoss to tell me the truth a few weeks ago, but you just refuse to do it no matter how many times I ask you.  Do you think I’m upset about my face because I’m just vain?  Okay – maybe I am a bit vain — but that’s not what this is all about.  It’s about both my face and my life being irreparably changed forever.”

“No, Son –it isn’t.  You’ve got some things that need healing but nothing that you can’t handle.”

Joe shook his head and didn’t know whether to laugh or yell over what his father had just said to him.  “I’ve lost more than just my looks, Pa,” He whispered trying to fight back tears.  “I lost having a —,” Joe stopped speaking.  He had almost mentioned his mother.  Joe wasn’t going to go there with his father, not with the way that the man still felt about her.

Ben frowned and dropped his hand from Joe’s face and put it on the boy’s shoulder firmly.  He didn’t need to ask what his son was alluding to, he felt it inside of his heart.  “No, you haven’t lost her either, Joseph.  She’ll always be with you.”

Little Joe dropped his head down avoiding his father’s compassionate eyes.  It wasn’t a time for that now.  “Pa, I don’t want her in my life – even as a memory.  And it’s best that we don’t talk about her because it only gets you mad at me and no matter what you say I’m never going to forgive her.”

“Then what do you want to talk about, Joseph?” Ben sighed wearily.  He wanted to get everything out in the open about Marie so that he could talk some sense into the boy but that wasn’t happening.

“Why did you insist that I go out with Adam and Hoss today?  I told you that there were things here that I could do but you wouldn’t listen to me!  I knew something like this would happen – just like it did at that church social.  I’m trying to avoid these things, but you keep putting me out there.”

“Well, first, I wasn’t the one who made you go to that church social it was your choice.  I’m sorry about what happened to you there, but it wasn’t my decision.  Now as far as today is concerned – yes – I’ll admit that I pushed you to go out with your brothers so you could help with the herd.   Maybe I should’ve listened to you a little more – but no one knew what was going to happen.  I’m sorry that it upset you.”

“Upset me?” Joe’s ironic laughter filled the bedroom.  “Pa – having three people looking at me in horror didn’t upset me it made me feel like throwing myself under the hooves of those panicked cows!”

*** Oh, my Lord, that’s exactly what Hoss said he thought Joe was going to do when those drovers saw the boy’s scar! *** Ben shook his head at the very thought of it.  He then squeezed his son’s shoulder and his eyebrows narrowed due to his growing concern over what Joe had just said.  “Don’t talk like that – I just won’t have it, Joseph!”

“I’m just being honest – that’s all,” Joe muttered and looked away from Pa’s piercing gaze.  He glanced over at the window when another crash of lightning lit up the sky, reflecting off the pane of glass.  “Storm’s never gonna end,” He whispered as thunder shook the house.

“Every storm runs out of rain, Son,” Ben returned.  He knew that Joe wasn’t just referring to the weather.

“I’m sick of the storms in my life – I wish that I’d never been –,” Joe trailed off.

“Joseph,” Ben lowered his voice trying to regain his composure as he continued.  “I can’t imagine how hard all of this has been on you – but you saying those types of things – especially after that incident with the laudanum frightens me.”

Breaking away from his father, Joe moved back over to the window and dropped down into the chair.  He buried his face in his hands.  A familiar awkward silence fell over the room with neither father nor son knowing what to say to each other.

“Pa –,” Joe began his voice shaky and desperate.  “I told you after the church social that I just needed it to be over, remember?”

“I remember,” Ben whispered staring intently at his boy.

“It’s never going to be over, Pa – I know that now.  There isn’t going to be any healing – maybe the scar might shrink a half of an inch over the years – but the way I look right now is going to follow me to the grave.”

“Joseph,” Ben called to his son as he approached the chair.  “No one, not even Doc Martin knows what the scar is going to look like in the future.”

“There you go again, Pa—trying to tell me to have patience and everything will be just fine.  It’s not – and I can’t take any of this false hope anymore.  I’ve got to figure out how I’m going to live — walking around looking like this, and I don’t know how I’m gonna do that yet.”
“What do you want me to say?  Do you want me to give up on you?  Because if that’s what you’ve been waiting for you’re going to have a very long wait, Joseph.  It’s never going to happen.”

Tears began to fall from Joe’s eyes, and he just shook his head helplessly.  Sucking in air he whispered, “I don’t know what to do anymore, Pa – I just hurt – just hurt inside and out.”

The hopelessness was easily read in his son’s statement and in the way he hung his head and wept.  Ben reached down and, though it took a good deal of coaxing, he was finally able to pull Joe into his arms and simply held onto him.  “I know you’re hurting,” Ben answered and gently swept a hand through the boy’s hair trying to comfort him.  “It’s okay to admit it, Joseph.  Now just let it out and then you’re going to go take a nice hot bath.  It might not help with the pain that you’re feeling or solve any of your problems – but it will take care of the mud that’s caked all over you.”

Joe gave a slight nod and then felt his father’s arms as they tightly encased his shoulders trying to transfer his own strength into him once again.  “Pa,” Joe choked out filled with the enormous hurt and humiliation which he had endured that day.  He tried to let it all out while held there in his father’s embrace.

“I know, Son – I understand,” Ben acknowledged the pain that his son had been going through ever since he had been scarred.  There wasn’t a need for any other words to be exchanged at that time.  His youngest needed something to cling to, and since Joe had insisted that he could no longer hold onto false hope, Pa decided he would provide him with something else to hold onto, his father.

**************

“Hop Sing?” Ben whispered as he held the lamp in his hand.  He had wanted to check to see if Little Joe was sleeping after the medicine he had forced on him earlier and was shocked to see the cook standing over his son’s bed.  “It’s three in the morning – what are you doing in here this late?”’

Surprised to see the other man, Hop Sing turned towards him and sent over a sheepish grin.  “Oh nothing – Hop Sing leave just a minute.”

Ben could see that Hop Sing held a strange looking jar in one hand and the fingers of his other one were putting something on his son’s scar.  “What’s that?”

Raising his hand to signal for his boss to quiet down, Hop Sing muttered a few words in Chinese and then placed the top on the alabaster jar.  “For Little Joe – for face.”

“Let’s go on out into the hall so we can talk about this,” Ben whispered and followed the other man out of the bedroom closing the door quietly behind him.  “So – what is that and what are you doing with it?”

“For Little Joe scar – it for that, Mister Ben,” He answered with a gentle smile.

“Hop Sing – well – Doc Martin has already told me that there’s nothing that we can put on Joseph that’s going to help with his scar.  I wish there was – but there isn’t.  How long have you been doing this anyway?”

“Oh –every night, Mister Ben.”

“Every night?” Ben asked, raising his eyebrows in wonderment.  “That boy in there hardly sleeps – how have you been able to duck in and out of there without him knowing it?”

“Hop Sing quiet – that all.  Little Joe not wake – not once.”

“So –you’ve been putting that stuff on him every night — for how long?”

“Since Uncle Li come – he bring this for boy.  I put on for him – not wake – not worry, Mister Ben.”

Ben dropped a sympathetic hand down onto the cook’s shoulder and chose his words as gently as he could muster at three o’clock in the morning.  “I wouldn’t want Joseph to know about this – because it would only hurt him in the long run when it doesn’t help that scar.  I appreciate what you’ve been attempting to do – and the fact that your great uncle cared enough to make that concoction for the boy.   But maybe we’d just better stop now.”

“No can do – must put on Little Joe every night.  Up to higher power if it work – but Hop Sing not stop,” He returned insistently.

Ben sighed deeply and shook his head.  He didn’t put any stock in any kind of ointment helping to heal his son’s scar; however, he knew how much Hop Sing loved the boy who he had always considered part his, so he couldn’t bear to hurt his feelings.  He finally conceded and whispered, “Okay—if you want to keep putting that medicine or whatever it is onto the boy’s face I won’t make a fuss about it.  But you must promise me that you won’t wake him or tell Joseph what you’ve been up to.”
Hop Sing smiled and nodded.  He turned and opened the bottom drawer of the chest that sat in the hallway.  Placing the jar inside and covering it with a towel he closed the drawer once again.

“You go bed, Mister Ben – Hop Sing go sleep now too,”

“Goodnight,” Ben whispered and turned back into his bedroom.

*************

Ben waved Joe over to his study just as soon as he spotted the boy coming down the stairs the next morning.  He could tell that his son looked well spent after a day which had been rent with so much sadness along with having to take sleeping powders the previous night just so he could get some rest.

“Yeah, Pa?”

“Go ahead and sit down a minute I want to ask you something.”

Joe tried his best not to look at the epee which was still hanging there just off to the right of his father’s study.  He sank down into a chair and stared over at him.

“Do you remember me talking about redoing those stalls in the barn?  We all sort of put that off last spring.”

“Yes, Sir.  What about it?”

“Well, I was wondering – if you felt like tackling that job?  It’ll mean a lot of hard work – those new boards all have to be cut, and those old stalls will need to be gutted first.  What do you think?”

Little Joe studied his father’s face and decided that he was trying to make amends for having sent him out to herd the cattle and the fiasco that had ensued due to that decision.

Joe nodded and returned, “Sounds okay to me.  If you’re sure that you’re not just giving me something to do to keep me busy?”

Ben chuckled and stood from his chair.  He walked around his desk and dropped a hand down onto Joe’s shoulder.  “I half expected you to assume I was giving you that job as some kind of punishment because no one has wanted to tackle it for the last year — not even your brothers.  Do you want me to assign someone to help you, or do you want to handle it yourself?”

Joe pressed his bandage onto his face and shook his head, “I think you know the answer to that, Pa.  I’ll start on it today – and I’m fine doing it alone.”

Ben nodded and reached for his son’s arm, pulling him up.  “Now, Young Man, you’re going to go eat something for breakfast and I’m going to go get another cup of coffee.  After that you can get to work.”

Walking with his father to the kitchen, Little Joe offered him a grateful smile.  He felt like Pa finally understood what he had been trying to tell him about not wanting to be around anyone who would be staring at him, bandage or no bandage.

**************

“The kid’s sure working hard,” Adam commented as he walked inside the ranch house and over to his father sitting next to the fireplace.

Ben dropped his newspaper down into his lap and smiled over at his eldest.  Nodding he replied, “Yes, and I think that it’s helped him to sleep at night.  I haven’t had to dose him with sleeping powders the last couple of days.”

Adam groaned as he took a seat opposite his father and smiled, “He’s not the only hard worker you’ve got around here.  Hoss and I just got the herd up to the northeastern meadow where those cows will be fattening up until it’s time to drive them to market.”

“Wonderful job, Adam.  Yes, you two have been working long days for the past week and to reward you I’m giving both of you the day off tomorrow.”

“Did I hear something about a day off?”  Hoss smiled as he tossed his hat onto the credenza and unbuckled his holster.

“Sure did – Pa’s giving us tomorrow off,” Adam nodded.

Hoss walked over to his father and patted his shoulder.  “Thanks, Pa – and here Adam has been calling you a slave driver all week,” He laughed and took a seat on the settee.

Adam shook his head and countered, “I think that was you, Hoss – especially after pulling those heifers out of the mud earlier this week.”

Ben grinned at the antics of his two sons as the front door opened and Joe walked inside.

“Hey, Pa – does that day off go for Little Joe too?”

Ben cast a look over at his youngest and asked, “Joseph?  I’m giving your brothers tomorrow off – do you want a day off too?”

Joe made it as far as the arm of the settee and sat down.  “No, Pa – I’m about halfway done with replacing the wood in all of the stalls, and I’d just as soon keep going.”

“Little Brother, you know what they say about all work and no play, don’t you?” Hoss teased.  “I’ll buy you a beer at the Silver Dollar if you change your mind?”

The room fell quiet as the three men wondered what Joe was thinking since he never answered the question Hoss had posed to him.  He just sat and stared at the floor as though he was in a trance.

“Little Joe?” Hoss tried to shake his brother out of the daze.

Drawing himself up and casting a quick uneasy glance around the room, Little Joe finally addressed his brother’s question.  “No thanks, Hoss.  Hey – I’m going to be replacing those old grain bins tomorrow so when you and Adam get home just put your horses out in the front corral, okay?  I’ll feed all the stock before I go to bed tomorrow night.”

“Sure, Joe,” Adam nodded.

“I think I’ll go get washed up for supper,” Joe announced and headed to his room.

“He doesn’t want to go into town, huh?” Hoss frowned.  “I thought that maybe if he was with Adam and me that Joe would be okay with going to get a beer.  I mean—well – he hasn’t been in town since he got hurt and Joe can wear his bandage, right?”

Ben sighed and shook his head.  “Hoss, we all agreed to let Joseph decide when he’s ready to venture away from here – with or without that bandage.  So, let’s all try our best not to push him.  It was fine that you offered – but we’ll leave it at that, okay?”

“Okay,” Hoss nodded. “Anything new in town, Pa?  I know you said you were heading there when we left this morning.”

Ben stood and stretched in front of the fireplace.  “Nothing much.  I stopped and spoke with Roy, and he didn’t have anything to report.  I just ran some errands – oh and I picked up a little something for Joe.”

“What?”

“Well, you two said he lost his hat during the storm – so I got him a new one.  It’s hanging up over there – I’m surprised you boys didn’t notice it,” Ben pointed to the door.

Hoss and Adam shot a quick glance at the hatrack and smiled.

“I’ve been so used to Joe’s black hat that I never noticed that tan one, Pa,” Adam nodded his approval.

“Yeah— that old one was getting a bit small for the kid – I’m sure he’ll like it,” Hoss agreed.

“After we eat, I’ll show it to him – hopefully he will like it – and it will fit,” Ben smiled.

“First it was that green jacket and now the new hat – it was time for a change.  I’m sure he’ll like it, Pa,” Hoss grinned and settled back onto the settee to await dinner.

**************

Little Joe knelt on the hay covered floor of the barn and began assembling the new bins which would be used to store feed for the four horses.  He had watched his brothers leave for Virginia City thirty minutes earlier and had said a quick goodbye to them before getting back to his repair work.  Deep in thought, Joe hadn’t heard the foreman’s approach.

“You’re plum loco to turn down a day off,” Fletcher sang out as he hovered over the boy.

“I got work to do,” Joe muttered, never looking up at the man.

Fletcher pulled over a barrel and upturned it so he could sit down.  He stared at Little Joe and wondered how he could get through to him.

“I can’t believe that nailing some boards together is what you call work.  You’re just having play time out here, Boy.”

Frowning, Joe set his hammer down and finally looked over at the foreman.  “Listen, Fletcher, I don’t have time right now – come back and try to get on my nerves later, will you?”

“You really gonna pass up the chance to get a free beer from your brother Hoss?  Those kinds of things don’t exactly come around too many times in life.”

“Now just how in the heck do you know about that?” Joe asked surprised.

Fletcher crossed his arms over his chest and responded, “Not much gets past me, Kid.  Now why don’t you quit playing around with that poor excuse of a repair job and go into town and claim that free beer?”

“Don’t feel like it.”

“Oh,” He paused and rubbed at his chin.  “So, it’s that bandage thing, huh, Boy? Good Lord above you are something!  You think anyone cares that you have that wad of cotton on your face, you little idiot?  I tell you there ain’t one person who’s in town soaking up a beer or two who gives one fig about someone standing there at the bar next to them with something stuck on his dad blasted face!”

Joe began to hammer to drown out the man who sat haranguing him.  To that Fletcher stood and walked over to the boy and grabbed the hammer out of his left hand.

“Get yourself into town before I use this here hammer on your head, Little Joe!” He threatened.

“C’mon give it back – I don’t have time for your games!” Joe fumed as he stood up to face the man head-on.

“Ain’t no game, Boy!  Now I already saddled that mangy pinto of yours so get out of here and make Hoss buy you a beer.  Even if you only stay long enough to down it it’ll at least show me that you ain’t the lily-livered coward that I’ve been calling you lately!”

“Nobody calls me a coward!” Joe shouted, his left hand forming into a fist without even thinking the move through.  Fletcher, even on his worst day, could mop the floor with Little Joe.

“I just did – didn’t you hear me?  Maybe you ought to clean those big ears out once and awhile?  Now if you ain’t a coward then prove it you little varmint.  Get your sorry butt on that horse and catch up with those brothers of yours.  You go do that and just maybe I won’t wrap a hammer around your head the next time I see you.”

Little Joe shook his head angrily and debated what he should do.  He really didn’t want to go into town, but he didn’t appreciate the man calling him a coward either.  After a few minutes of weighing his options, Joe walked across the barn to where he had left his holster, jacket and hat.  He put each on and cast a severe glance over at Fletcher.

“You’d better be able to eat those words when I see you again.  I ain’t a coward – I’m a lot of things but not that!” Joe insisted and hurried out to get his horse.

*** Stupid little cuss.  Works every time! *** Fletcher chuckled as he watched Little Joe mount his horse and hastily ride out of the yard.

Ben had seen his youngest riding out of the yard and had called out to him but apparently Joe hadn’t heard him.  He spotted Fletcher standing just outside of the barn and walked over to the man.

“Where’s that boy going in such a hurry, Fletcher?”

“Oh – I don’t know,” He returned innocently.

Ben examined the foreman’s face and smiled.  “You called him a coward, right?”

“Yep,” Fletcher laughed.

“And now Joseph is heading into town to prove you wrong,” Ben grinned knowingly.

“Yep.”

Ben smacked the other man’s arm playfully and returned, “You know some day I’m going to have to learn your tricks so I can get my boys to react the way they do with you!”

“It’s just like I’ve always told you, Ben – you are soft –way too soft with those kids.  The difference between you and me is that you kinda like those brats and as for me – they just get on my nerves.  Now – leave me alone I’ve got work to do!”

Ben shook his head and laughed as he watched Fletcher walking off.  There weren’t many men in the world who could talk to him the way that the foreman always had, but then again, there weren’t many people like Fletcher left in the world.  Hoping that Joe would have a well-deserved and badly needed afternoon off and that things would work out, he turned and walked back inside the ranch house.

************

The minute that Little Joe tied Cochise’s reins up at the hitching post outside of the Silver Dollar Saloon he was cursing himself for being stupid.  He hadn’t wanted to be around anyone that day and there he was getting ready to walk inside a saloon in broad daylight, not knowing how anyone inside would react to the huge bandage covering the right side of his face.  *** I just had to let that old coot get under my skin.  Maybe I am an idiot — just like he always calls me?  I doubt this is going to be pleasant. *** Joe thought as he readied to make an appearance through the swinging doors.  He quickly checked the placement of his bandage, mashing it down good as he walked into the bar.

“Hi, Sam,” Joe called to the bartender and tried to get his voice to stop shaking.

Spinning around Sam smiled at the boy and said, “Little Joe – good to see you boy.”

“Good to see you too,” Joe nodded.  He noticed Sam’s eyes as they darted up and down his face, though he had tried not to appear so obvious.  Joe just knew.

“Little Joe!”  Hoss called out enthusiastically and stood from his chair.  He hurried to greet his brother, giving him a smack on his back.  “Dad gum it I was hoping you’d show!”

Joe smiled up at his brother and asked suspiciously, “You didn’t happen to tell Fletcher that I turned down your offer for a free beer, did you?”

“Little Brother, I ain’t got a clue what you’re talking about,” Hoss pretended to be hurt by the accusation.

“You never could lie worth a darn,” Joe frowned.

“Bet Fletcher goaded you into coming here by calling you a coward, right?’ Adam asked as he joined his brothers.

“How’d you know that?” Joe returned, surprised by what his brother had said.

Adam laughed and patted his youngest brother’s shoulder, “You think he hasn’t called both Hoss and me that in the past?  C’mon, Little Joe— the man’s been yanking our chains for years.  He’s got it perfected by now.”

Shaking his head, Joe didn’t disguise his amusement.  “I’m here for my free beer, Hoss.”

“You earned it – go sit down and I’ll even bring it to you.”

Joe walked to the table with Adam and the two of them sat down.  “Kinda quiet in here, huh?”

“It’ll pick up,” Adam nodded and watched Hoss bringing over a tray with three beers on it.

“No thanks, only want one,” Joe quipped and pulled one of the mugs off the tray.

“We’ve got to have a toast, Little Brother.  The three of us ain’t been in a saloon together in a long time.  Here’s to the three best looking men in here.”

Joe shook his head over his brother’s poor choice of words, but he touched glasses with the two of them, nonetheless.

Leaning back in his chair Little Joe listened to Hoss rattle on about things going on around town and then Adam listed the many upcoming chores that he and Hoss were getting ready to tackle.  He added a word here and there but mostly just listened and tried his best to relax.  Adam decided to spring for the next round of beers and Little Joe accepted his second, though he was about ready to head for home.  It was then that an old nemesis walked in through the double doors of the saloon.

*** Oh damn – it’s Timmons. *** Joe thought to himself.  He had known the other man for a little less than a year and had numerous run-ins with him.  Little Joe hoped that Pete Timmons would just walk past their table but that wasn’t in the cards.

“Why Little Joe Cartwright!  How you been, Boy?” Pete called down to him as he moved over to the table.

“Not today, Timmons,” Hoss warned and shot the other man a threatening look.

“I just came over to say hi to my old buddy.  Hey – Joe?  Did you lose a fight?”

“Knock it off,” Adam fired over at Pete.

Pete shook his head and called down to Joe, “Your bodyguards must have been off the day someone took a crack at you, Joe – huh?”

“Look, Timmons — I don’t have time to knock you around today– -catch me later,” Joe said and stood from the table facing the man on his own.  Feeling bad enough about his appearance, the last thing Joe needed was for his brothers to fight his battles for him.

“Looks like someone already “caught” you, Little Joe,” Pete laughed and pointed at Joe’s bandage.  “Must be a heck of a cut you got under there, Boy!  I mean – it is a cut from what I’ve heard around town, right?”

Both Adam and Hoss stood from the table and stared menacingly at Pete.  “Either go find yourself a table or get out of this saloon, Timmons,” Adam advised.

“Okay—no need to get hot,” Pete began and then stared at Joe.  “I’ll be the bigger man and just leave — you know I believe in turning the other cheek!” Timmons pointed at Joe’s face and laughed.

Before he had thought out the next move, Joe’s left fist connected with Pete’s jaw sending him flying.

“C’mon, Joe – just let it go now,” Adam urged his brother not wanting him to get hurt more than he already was.

Pete pulled himself off the floor and ran towards Joe with his fist at the ready.

“Stand back,” Joe called over to his brothers and met Timmons halfway.

“Pa’s gonna have a pure fit if we don’t do something, Adam!”

“Yeah – but our brother will have a pure fit if we jump in to help him.”

Joe was able to fend off the first punch that Pete had thrown and managed to connect with his jaw, sending him falling back down again.  Pete shook the blow off and charged at Joe.  He slugged him just underneath his left eye, splitting the skin open.  Joe punched Timmons in the stomach twice, which momentarily stunned him as he fought to catch his breath.  Just when Adam and Hoss thought the fight had come to a merciful end, Timmons suddenly caught Joe off guard with a flying kick, knocking him onto the floor.  It was then that Pete reached down and yanked the bandage off Joe’s face.

“Damn!  If I’d known you looked like this, I’d have taken pity on you!” Pete called down to Joe.  “No sense fighting with you anymore, Joe— there’s not much left of you,” Pete laughed and hurried out of the saloon.

Adam and Hoss knelt next to Little Joe to try and help pull him to standing but he angrily shoved their hands away.

“Leave me alone,” Joe warned as he looked around for his bandage.  He finally found it under the table next to theirs and hurriedly pushed it onto his face.

“We’re sorry, Little Brother,” Hoss whispered as Joe staggered to his feet.

“Here,” Adam said handing Joe’s hat to him.

“Thanks for the drinks,” Joe muttered.  He pulled the brim of his hat down to shade his bruised left eye and slowly left the saloon.

*************

Little Joe stealthily made it up the back stairs later that afternoon thankful that Hop Sing wasn’t in the kitchen at the time.  He made it to his bedroom and did his best to doctor his left eye which was already black and blue and swollen shut.  The cut underneath wasn’t too bad; he’d had far worse before.  But he didn’t want to have to explain what had happened and worse yet, try to tell his father what Timmons had said to him.  For the third time since having his face carved up by Francois Balantaire, Joe had been humiliated once the bandage had come off.  He moved to his bed and tried to get some sleep just so he could forget Timmons’ many sarcastic jibes which had added more humiliation to the mix.

As soon as he closed his eyes, a knock sounded on his bedroom door and Joe groaned.  He knew that knock, one that surely had come from Ben Cartwright’s knuckles.

“It’s not locked,” Joe called over just barely audible.

Walking inside the room with a tray in his hand, Pa headed over to the bed and placed the medicine on the nightstand and then stared over at his youngest.

“Well, let’s have a look at you,” Ben sighed and sat down on the bed next to his son.

“I’ll live,” Joe muttered not looking up at his father.

Ben eased his son’s bandage from off his face and stared down at his scar.

“Pa – he didn’t get me on that side.  He’s right-handed – which is good as he only got me on my left side.”

Ben brought the cooled towel up to his son’s swollen eye and held it there for a few minutes.

“It’s not necessary, Pa – I’m okay.”

“Be quiet,” Ben commanded and then pulled some salve out of the jar and spread it onto the cut under Joe’s eye.

“I guess my brothers gave you a blow by blow of it all, huh?” Joe frowned.

Ben nodded and kept doctoring his son’s wounds.  He hadn’t said more than a few words and Joe was trying to gauge if Pa was upset or just plain mad that he had even tried to fight it out with Timmons.  Finally, having accomplished all that he could at present, Ben placed all the items onto the tray and flipped the cold towel back onto Joe’s eye.

“Joseph – it wasn’t wise to let that man get under your skin — or to refuse the help of your brothers either.”

Little Joe pulled himself up in bed and his face took on a furious countenance.  “Did you think I’d let Timmons say those things about me without trying to shut him up, Pa?  Leave me some self-respect– I don’t have much left you know?”

Ben groaned and shook his head frustrated.  “You should have either left or let your brothers help you.”

“Oh sure!” Joe’s anger was now kindled. He sprang up from his bed, almost knocking his father onto the floor with his sudden movement.  He walked away from Pa and turned his back on him.  “You worried that I might mess up my face worse?” He sounded out sarcastically.

“Joseph –,” Pa began but was instantly cut off.

“I just can’t win with you or anyone else around here!  First Hoss suggests I go into town for a beer knowing that I don’t want to be around anyone.  Then Fletcher corners me in the barn and tells me I’m a coward if I don’t go there and have a beer with my brothers. Then I go and do that – have that jerk Timmons humiliate me — and now you’re on my case because I wouldn’t let Hoss or Adam fight my battles for me!  I wish you’d all just —-,” Joe stopped and dropped his head down to his chest.  He realized that he was letting his anger and hurt cause him to flare off at his father when he wasn’t the enemy.  As far as Little Joe was concerned, life and what all it had dealt to him continually was the real enemy.  And though he hated Pete Timmons and with good reason, he hadn’t been the one who had carved up his face.

Ben crossed the floor and stood next to his son just staring over at him.  He didn’t say a word.  He just looked at Joseph and tried to figure out what was going on in his mind at that moment.

“I might just as well stop wearing a bandage since everyone has had fun yanking it off of my face,” Joe whispered sadly.

“Timmons would have tried to get under your skin whether you had a cut or not – you know that.  I just don’t think it was worth the risk you took today, Joseph.”

“What would YOU have done if he said those things about me in front of YOU, Pa?” Joe asked, staring directly into his father’s eyes seeking a truthful answer.

“I’d probably have shot him,” Ben nodded and then broke into a grin.

Little Joe found some humor in what Pa had revealed.  He shook his head and smiled wryly, “I see – yet another time when it’s “do as I say not as I do” right, Pa?”

“Right.  Now go lie down awhile before supper.”

Shaking his head Joe reached down and pulled his boots back on.

“What are you doing now?” Ben asked exasperated.

“Forgot that I have to feed the stock – I never got those grain bins done,” He explained.

“Take your boots off – I already did that for you.  Now lie down – I won’t take no for an answer this time.”

“Okay – thanks,” Joe nodded to his father.  “I did get a couple of good licks into old Pete, Pa – it was the only time all day that I actually felt good about myself.”

Sighing to himself over what Joe had conveyed, Ben gathered the tray and the medicine and pointed over to the bed.  Without another word exchanged, Joe settled down as he had been directed.

“Rest, Son,” Ben whispered and turned out of the room.

***************

“Pa?” The whispered voice came up from behind his father.  Hoss thought he had heard his little brother getting up in the middle of the night and was worried about him.  But when he had made it into Little Joe’s room, he found Pa there next to the bed with some kind of medicine that he was putting on the boy’s scar.  “Hey – what are you doing?  What’s that stuff?”

Ben, surprised by the sudden intrusion, turned and stared at his middle boy.  He held his finger up to his lips to let him know to keep quiet and then signaled Hoss out of the bedroom.

“What’s that stuff, Pa?” Hoss asked as he watched Pa opening the chest in the hall and slipping the alabaster jar into the bottom drawer.

“Well –,” Ben paused and tried not to sound as foolish as he felt at the time.  “If you must know – Hop Sing has been putting this ointment or whatever it is on Joe’s face every night.  His uncle brought it for Joseph’s scar and –well – he puts it on sometime in the middle of the night.”

“You think it’ll do anything?”

Ben shrugged his shoulders noncommittally and replied, “I don’t think so – but I guess it won’t hurt anything.”

Hoss thought about what Pa had said and then looked back into his eyes.  “But — if Hop Sing’s putting it on Joe’s scar every night, then what were you doing with it?”

“I — well – I just figured that if Hop Sing puts stock in it that it wouldn’t hurt any if I did it too.  Now don’t say a thing to Joseph because he doesn’t know anything about this and we sure don’t want to give him any false hope.  And for goodness sakes don’t tell Hop Sing you know about it – or that you saw me doing it either!”

Hoss grinned and patted his father’s shoulder and returned, “Your secret’s safe with me.  Is Little Joe okay?  I mean he didn’t say a word at supper, and I’ve been worried about the awful things Timmons said to the kid and then when he yanked that bandage off –well it was purely awful, Pa.  He was rough on him and Joe didn’t need that – not after all he’s been going through.”

“What Timmons said and did hurt Joseph deeply – but there wasn’t much that I could say to him about it.  He just looked numb to it all when I checked on him before he went to bed.  Let’s just try and let all this cool down.  I’m hoping the project I gave him will keep his mind off some of this.  Now get on to bed, Hoss, and so will I.”

“Goodnight, Pa,” Hoss said as he watched his father enter his bedroom.  Once Pa’s door was shut, he looked down at the chest of drawers where he had seen him set the jar.  *** I wonder? *** Hoss thought to himself.

*************

The following few days were uneventful as the three Cartwright brothers went about the chores which their father had lined up for them to accomplish.  Little Joe went back to the barn repairs, working by himself and avoiding all others.  Ben had a busy schedule, especially the last part of the week.  Wednesday through Friday he had meetings in Virginia City with his attorney and the bank president to study the various contracts for the sale of both cattle and timber.  By the time that Friday rolled around Joe had almost finished refurbishing the barn and, with the rest of the family away from the homestead, he worked at his own pace to complete the task.  Pa had informed him that he’d be coming home later in the afternoon, so he kept himself occupied finding more things in need of repair including the ladder that led up to the hayloft.  Hop Sing had insisted that Joe come into the house in the heat of the day to get some lemonade he had made for the boy.  He spoke with the cook for a few minutes as he downed the drink and, just as he was preparing to head back to the barn, there was a loud knock on the front door.

“Cody?” Joe was surprised to see the hired hand.  “I thought you were out with the herd?”  He led the man into the living room.

“I was, Little Joe, but I had to run into town for a little while and I stopped to see if a letter that I’ve been expecting from my folks had come in at the post office.  My birthday’s coming up and my Ma never forgets to send me something.  Anyway – it hasn’t come in yet, but I figured I might just as well bring your mail in with me before heading back up to babysit those cows.  Here,” He explained and handed Joe several letters.

“Thanks,” Joe nodded to the ranch hand.  “I’ll give them to Pa when he gets home.  Do you have time for some lemonade?  Hop Sing just made some.”

“No – but thanks anyway.  I’d better get back to the herd.  You know Fletcher is up there today and I don’t want to hear him yelling if I don’t get back up there quick enough to suit him!”

Little Joe laughed and walked Cody back to the door.  “Give him my regards.  On second thought – don’t!  Good luck – that old coot can just stay up with those cows as far as I’m concerned!”

Cody laughed, “Yeah, I just bet!  See you, Little Joe.”  The ranch hand hurried out of the door to head back to work.

Taking the stack of mail across the room to leave on his father’s desk in the study, Joe briefly perused each envelope.  Surprisingly there was a rather large envelope, and it was addressed to him and not Pa.  Joe placed the rest of the mail down onto the desk and sat down.  His left hand shook the moment he opened the envelope and read the first few words.  It was from Francois Balantaire.

*** I have seen you and the gift from your Mama, Joseph.  Why must you cover it up?  A gift should be worn with appreciation.  Has it made you hide?  Or do you hide because of what you now know about Marie?  I saved you from the life of whoredom which she lived.  Now you will have the chance to be honorable and not grow to be like her.  Do you not remember that I told you this?  Wear that scar with gratitude to me.  Now you no longer will have to concern yourself with such things as going from girl to girl as she went from man to man.  Just as I lived without an heir you will also.  No woman could ever look at your face without being repulsed.  Perhaps you and I will meet again someday and then you will thank me for the service I provided.  Until then take off that bandage that you wear and show the world what your mother did for you. ***

Joe noticed that something had been placed inside the envelope along with the letter.  He shook out a thicker piece of paper which was folded in half.  Opening it, Joe’s eyes fell on a picture of Marie Cartwright.  Francois had marred the right side of his mother’s face with black ink in the exact same place on her face that Joe bore his scar.

Little Joe shakily pulled himself up from the chair and stared at both the envelope and the picture.  The postmark was from Carson City which meant that Francois wasn’t far, or at least he hadn’t been when he mailed the letter.  Joe’s eyes caught on the epee hanging not far from the desk.  He shook his head full of rage thinking about his mother as he once more stared down at her picture.  Angrily, he crumpled the letter and the picture, tossing them both down on the floor.  He ran to the credenza and buckled his holster.  Joe donned his hat and jacket and hurried outside.  Little Joe couldn’t stomach being inside the ranch house after reading the letter and seeing the likeness of his mother staring up at him.  He mounted Cochise and spurred her into a gallop wanting to quickly get away from all that he had just witnessed.

**************

Not two minutes from the time that Ben dismounted and tied his horse up at the front hitching post Hop Sing came running out into the yard yelling in Chinese.  He turned toward the cook and raised his hands trying his best to calm the man.

“In English — come on settle down.  Now what’s wrong?”

“Boy gone—left too fast for Hop Sing to stop!” Hop Sing yelled full of frustration and worry.

“Joe?  Where did he go – what happened?”

“Ranch hand Cody come – he bring mail.  Hop Sing find this on floor by desk.  Must be why Little Joe ride away.  Boy ride off vely fast, Mister Ben!” He exclaimed and handed the letter and picture over to his boss.

Taking a minute to read the letter and study the picture of his wife, Ben knew the ramifications of the evil man’s words and how they would have affected his son.

“How long ago did Joseph leave?”

“Maybe twenty minutes, Mister Ben.  You go – Little Joe vely upset!”

Ben tucked the letter and picture into the pocket of his coat and hurriedly mounted Buck.  “I’ll go find him – if the boys get back before I do tell them to stay put.”

“Yes – Hop Sing tell,” He nodded and watched as the worried father spurred his horse and soon disappeared from the yard.

**************

For the better part of his life Little Joe Cartwright had been going to his mother’s grave to commune with her.  It didn’t matter if he was simply paying his respects or going to tell her his troubles, he’d always brought flowers to lay next to her granite monument.  That was now a thing of the past.  He was furious with his mother and though she had been dead for twelve years, he was going to let her know exactly how he felt.

“Yeah, that’s right!” Joe shouted as he stood just off to the right of her headstone.  “I didn’t bring you any flowers.  Why should I?  Do you think that you deserve my respect?  You don’t – not anymore!  I turned a blind eye to everything that I’d seen before, like you being with Rene Marchant — and almost forcing me to go live with him permanently because nobody knew who my father was!  I’ve had to deal with whispers about what my mother was ever since I was old enough to know some of the words that people had called you.  Some mother!” Joe continued to shout, growing angrier as each memory came to the forefront of his mind.  “All my friends had decent mothers – oh they weren’t beautiful like you of course – but they didn’t disgrace their sons either!  You’ve ruined my life!”

“Joseph!” Ben called out to his son as he moved from the well-worn path and over to the gravesite.  “That’s enough,” He stated filled with anguish over the furious diatribe he had just listened to as he made his way up from where the horses were tied.

“Go away!” Joe shouted at his father.  “I’m going to say my peace.”

Ben drew closer to his son and grabbed his elbow tightly.  “No, you just hold your tongue I won’t have you yelling this way over your mother’s grave.  It’s uncalled for and disrespectful.”

“Uncalled for?  Disrespectful?” Joe returned filled with disbelief.  “Just tell me why I should show her any respect, Pa?  Oh, for all that she did for me?  Like that epee she left me, right?  She might just as well have run me through with it!  That would’ve been more humane than what she did to me.”

“I said stop it,” Ben reiterated harshly.

“No!  The last time you and I were here was right after we got back from New Orleans earlier this year, remember?  Yeah – you wanted me to make my peace with her!  Like I owed her anything after what she took from me!  You never thought about my side of that whole situation, did you, Pa?  Rene Marchant took me away for months – and all the while I had to wonder if he was my real father.  He looked like me – lots more than you do!  Do you have any idea what it was like for me those months there in New Orleans with him forcing me to act like his son and learn his business and get locked in a room night after night?  How about the fact that I came to believe that he was right about it all — and that meant I’d lost my brothers—they were no longer my brothers with Marchant being my father.  I lost my birthright too – the Ponderosa no longer being part of me either,” Joe stopped as he felt the rage building in his chest.  “And worse than anything else —worse that losing my brothers – my connection to the ranch – was losing you!  That’s what I lived with for all those months.  But you made me come here when we got home and said that I needed to let it go and not hold anything against my mother.  And I did it – oh not for her – I did it for you, Pa!”

“Joseph – let’s go – we can discuss this at home,” Ben insisted and began to pull his son’s arm to move him away from the grave.

“No!” Joe shouted, breaking away from his father’s tight hold.  “I’m not ready to go, Pa!  I’m not done telling her what I think of her.”

“Why are you so angry with your mother?  Is it because she wasn’t perfect?  Well, Joseph, none of us are perfect!  She did things in her past that she regretted just like everyone has done something in their past that they wish that they could change.  And that includes me.  What gives you the right to judge your mother?”

“What gives me the right?” Joe asked exasperated and full of pain.  He yanked the bandage off his face and threw it down onto the grave.  “This!  This — my gift from her – it gives me the right!  She caused it!”

Ben directed his son’s gaze with a strong hand to his arm and replied, “No – she had nothing to do with you getting cut like that!  The only person who’s responsible for that is Francois Balantaire!”

“She filled him with rage and that rage was loosed on me!”

“You’re only saying these things because of what that vile man said to you – you know nothing about what happened all of those years ago,” Ben returned hotly.

“I know – I’ve heard it all – all the rumors – the whispers about my mother and the fact that she was a tramp!”

Incensed over what his son had said, Pa reared his right hand back as though he was about to slap Joe’s face.  He was able to stop himself at the last second before striking his son.  Ben knew that if he had backhanded Joe that he would never have forgiven himself.

Joe never flinched though his eyes teared up.  “Go ahead and slap me, Pa – there’s still one good side of my face that you can hit.”

Ben latched both of his hands onto his son’s shoulders and held onto him tightly.  “You will NOT talk about your mother like that ever again, do you understand me?”

Joe dropped his head down refusing to look into his father’s eyes.

“Joseph—if you think I’m any better than your mother was you’re wrong.  You don’t know anything about my past.  Parents aren’t perfect – and neither are their children.  You should never put either your mother or your father on a pedestal because no one can stay up on one.  But you must respect your parents because God made that one of the commandments.  At the very least you can respect your mother because she gave you life,” Ben was calmer in his tone trying his best to repair the damage that had been done to Joe’s relationship with his mother.

“Sure, Pa,” Joe muttered and finally looked into his eyes.  “I know that one by heart.  Honor your father and your mother that thy days be long upon the earth.  Well – maybe I don’t want my days to be long upon the earth.  Not with what’s ahead for me— a life of people looking at me with disgust and horror.”

Ben frowned and shook his head once more having gotten nowhere with the boy.  “I told you right after you were cut – that you’d never be ugly unless you allowed that scar to poison you and that’s exactly what you’ve done, Joseph!”

Before Joe could respond a harsh wind blew in from Lake Tahoe and the first drops of rain began to fall.  Within minutes a large downpour began to pelt both father and son.  Joe stared down at his bandage still lying on the grave.  It was now useless as it was soaked.

“You think I’m ugly now, Pa?  Well, it sure took you long enough to say it,” Joe replied bitterly as tears rolled down his cheeks.  He felt as though Pa had finally admitted that his scar was horrendous.

Without uttering a word Ben simply turned and walked away from his son, leaving the boy standing there alone at his mother’s grave.

Falling to his knees next to the headstone Joe wept into his hands.  He was devastated by all that had transpired between him and his father.  He felt as though he had now lost both of his parents and it cut him far worse than Francois’ stiletto had done.  Joe stayed there on the ground as the rain continued to pour down, eventually soaking him to the skin.

“Here,” Ben whispered.  He had gone to his horse so he could remove his slicker from his saddlebags.  Tenderly he wrapped it around his son’s shoulders.  “Let’s go home, Joseph,” he said, offering his son his hand.

Joe apprehensively raised his left hand until Pa had grabbed onto it and pulled him up.  Wrapping an arm around his son’s shivering shoulders, Ben walked with him down the path to where the horses waited.

**************

Both Adam and Hoss stood from their chairs as they watched Pa and Little Joe enter the house right before dark.  Both men could read the redness around their brother’s eyes and knew that there must have been some kind of awful confrontation between Joe and Pa.

“Joseph, you go and get those wet clothes off you before you catch a cold.  We’ll finish our discussion later,” Ben insisted though he knew he wouldn’t have to worry about the boy giving him any more trouble.  He could tell that his son was well spent due to all that they had said to each other.  Joe didn’t respond verbally nor did he look over at either of his brothers.  He simply turned and slowly walked up the stairs to his bedroom.

Ben sighed deeply as he eased down into his chair next to the fireplace.  Hop Sing hurried out of the kitchen with a towel for Ben to dry himself with along with a good strong cup of coffee.

Nodding, Ben called over his appreciation to the cook, who returned a very understanding smile and headed back into the kitchen.

“Hop Sing said something about a letter that sent Joe off into a tangent of some kind,” Adam tried to figure out what had happened.

“Here — this came today and it was addressed to Joe.  It really set the boy off – but who could blame him?  That evil man is trying to destroy Joseph – and he’s alluding to the fact that he’s been watching him.” Ben drew out the letter and the picture, handing it over to Adam.

“Want me to take it to Roy?” Hoss asked as he looked over the top of the chair to see what Adam was reading.

“No,” Ben paused and sipped at his coffee.  “We’ll tell him all about it tomorrow.  If the three of us keep a sharp eye out for anything suspicious we should be okay for now.”

“Where did you find Little Joe, Pa?”

Ben groaned and drank more coffee, wanting to forget all that he had heard coming out of Joe’s mouth earlier.  “He was up there at his mother’s grave — and it didn’t go well.  Joseph is just so full of anger – it worries me.  He should be dried off by now — I’m going up and try my best to get through to the boy,” Ben sighed and stood from his chair.  He slowly walked up the staircase and tried to get his thoughts in order in one last attempt to break through the wall Joseph had built up inside of his heart.

*************

Not bothering to knock this time, Ben simply walked into Little Joe’s bedroom and noticed that he had changed into a nightshirt and robe.  He walked over to the bed and sat down on the side and then waved the boy over to him.

“Come here, Joseph,” He called softly and patted the side of the mattress next to him.

Joe reluctantly approached his father and settled on the bed.  He dropped his head to his chest, waiting for the forthcoming lecture about his outburst at his mother’s grave.

“Son, I’m going to talk to you man to man right now.  I’m going to tell you everything that I know and then it’s going to be up to you to decide what you do with the information.”

“Pa — every time we talk about my mother you get mad at me.  Tonight, you came within a few inches of slapping my face.  I don’t know if I can take anymore,” Joe returned with one hundred per cent pain in his voice.

Dropping his arm across his son’s shoulder he addressed Joe’s concerns.  “No, Joseph – I’m not going to yell and I’m certainly not going to hit you.  Now I want you to listen to me because this is the very last time that I’ll say these things to you.”

Joe nodded but didn’t say anything.  He simply waited to hear what Pa was going to reveal and wondered how much would be truthful. It was then that Ben attempted to clear the thick emotion in his throat and began to explain, “Joseph, I know that you don’t have any memories of your Ma.  I know it’s hard on you.  It hasn’t been easy on me having to fill the role of both your mother and your father.  No parent wants to be both, but I’ve done my best to give you what you’ve needed from me.  I’ll admit that I’ve not always given you the things that a boy needs from their mother – but I hope when all is said and done that, you’ll remember how much I loved you.  Not everyone is that fortunate – to have a parent who loves them unconditionally like I do.  Now as for your mother.  Her life was very difficult growing up — she had an extremely rough childhood.  I don’t know all the particulars, but from what I gathered she was raised by a very strict grandfather – one who most folks would call abusive.  She and her sister were put into a convent when they were teenagers, and from there they were forced to go out on their own.  Marie got married – and her in-laws hated her.  I told you some of this before — but the worst thing that they did to her was to run her husband off due to a horrid lie they made up against her and her husband believed them.  During that time, she had a son – and the boy’s grandparents took him away from your mother and he later died of the fever.  After that there are some missing pieces of her life – and I never pressed her on those.  What she might have done during those terrible years – were locked inside her heart — and believe me she paid for them.  I married her and I loved her and she loved me.  She wasn’t just beautiful on the outside; she had that inner kind of beauty that I tried to tell you about when you first got cut.  It’s that inner kind of beauty that lasts – unlike someone’s appearance.  I will also tell you that she loved and cared for your brothers like they were her own sons.  They remember her because they had more years with Marie than you did – and they loved her like a mother.  Now as for you,” Ben paused and patted Joe’s back softly.  “Joseph, she loved you more than a mother could ever love a son.  You made up for that baby that she mourned over for so long.  I wish you still had those memories – because if you did — then all these things about your mother’s past wouldn’t matter to you in the least.” Ben stopped momentarily and felt his son’s shoulders sag underneath his arm.  “Joseph – if your mother was still here would you ask her about her past or would you just appreciate the fact that she loved you so much?”

When Little Joe failed to answer his father’s question, Ben lifted his son’s chin to direct his gaze.  “Joseph – your mother would have laid her life down to protect yours.  I know that without any doubt – just the same as I would lay my life down to prevent you from being harmed.  What more can you expect from a parent?”

“I – I don’t know, Pa — I don’t know how I feel about anything now,” Joe confessed sadly.

Ben examined his son’s face and noticed that the anger was gone, and, in its place, it seemed like there remained only hurt and regret.  He patted his son’s shoulder and said, “Like I told you – don’t put your mother or me up on a pedestal because we’d both fall off.  Just know one thing,” Ben paused and reached for his son, hugging him tightly to his chest.  He felt like Joe must have when he had attempted to help the bird with the grievous wound.  It was easy to see that the boy was emotionally wounded and that coupled with the scar he wore had to be eating away at him.  Ben prayed that he had broken through so at the very least the scar left in his heart would heal if he allowed his mother back inside of it.  “Your parents loved you – and still do, Joseph.  Now take everything that I’ve just told you – and then it’ll be up to you to decide how you feel about your mother.”

Joe didn’t say anything in response, but he hadn’t objected to being held in his father’s arms, which as far as Ben was concerned was a small victory after the tempestuous night that they had shared.

“Now – you go crawl in bed and get some sleep, Joseph,” Ben announced as he stood.  He pulled the comforter up to his son’s shoulders and bent down and softly kissed his forehead; just as Marie would have done had she been there at that moment.  “I love you,” he whispered and watched as Little Joe closed his eyes and was soon fast asleep.

**************

“Hoss?” Adam quietly called his brother who had just made his way out of Little Joe’s bedroom.  “It’s four in the morning – what are you doing in the kid’s bedroom this late?”

Surprised to hear Adam’s voice, Hoss attempted to hide the alabaster jar behind him.  “Nothing – I was just checking to see if he was asleep — I was worried about Joe because of all he and Pa went through yesterday.”

“Nice try,” Adam grinned and reached behind his brother and took the jar from his hand.  “What’s this stuff and what were you doing with it?” He asked as he opened the lid and gave it a quick sniff.

“I ain’t supposed to say nothing about it, Adam, Pa told me to keep quiet about it.”

“Just spill it already – what’s going on – I won’t repeat anything you tell me.”

Hoss looked down at the floorboards and shrugged his shoulders.  “It ain’t nothing but some kind of ointment that Hop Sing’s uncle made up to try to see if it’d help with Little Joe’s scar.  Hop Sing’s been rubbing it on that side of Joe’s face every night.”

Frowning, Adam took another look inside the jar.  “I doubt any kind of medicine –even something that Uncle Li came up with will do anything to help that scar, Hoss.”

“Don’t know about that — I just thought –,” He trailed off.

Grinning up at Hoss, Adam realized what his brother had been up to.  “So – I take it that you’ve been putting some of this on Joe too, huh?”

Hoss nodded and replied sheepishly, “Well – just figured that it wouldn’t hurt anything if I did – you know just in case.”

“And Pa approves of this?”

“I guess he does because I caught him smearing the stuff on Little Joe one night and he told me not to say a word to Hop Sing about it – and I ain’t supposed to ever let the kid know what’s been going on.  Pa’s worried that if Joe knew about it, he might get his hopes up.  I promised Pa, I would keep quiet.  Please don’t say nothing, Adam.”

Adam handed the jar back to Hoss who turned around and placed it back into the chest of drawers where Hop Sing always kept it.

“I won’t say a word about it – or about you going in there and putting it on Joe.”

“Thanks,” Hoss smiled at his brother.  “I’m going back to bed.”

“See you in the morning, Hoss,” Adam whispered as his brother walked back inside his room.  He stared down at the chest and thought to himself.  *** I wonder if it’ll do any good. ***

 **************

“I don’t like this, Ben.  Sounds to me like Balantaire has been watching the goings on at the Ponderosa – especially if he’s seen Little Joe wearing that bandage on his face!” Roy exclaimed as he handed Ben back both the letter and the picture.  “He mailed that from Carson City not more than a couple of days ago.  He can be about anywhere by now.  I hope all of you will keep a keen eye on the ranch in case he doubled back and is hiding someplace on the Ponderosa.”

Ben frowned and sipped the coffee Roy had made for him.  He sat across from the other man and shook his head.  “We’re all on the lookout for him.  Joe won’t be left alone until we get our hands on Balantaire.”

“Let all your ranch hands know about that chestnut mare he bought down in Silver City.  The bar S brand isn’t too common around these parts and should be easy to spot.”

Setting his tin cup onto Roy’s desk Ben stood from his chair.  “I’ve already had the boys get the word out about Balantaire and the kind of horse he’s riding, Roy.  I just wanted to let you know what we got in the mail yesterday so we’re on the same page about all of this.”

“I think I’ll get me up a few men and just ride around to the ranches that border the Ponderosa and see if we get lucky.  I’ll let you know if we turn up anything.”

Ben nodded and turned for the door to leave.  “Thanks, Roy.  Hopefully he’ll slip up and we’ll have him in your jail soon.”

“I hope so too – I’ll be in touch,” The sheriff called across the room as Ben headed outside.

************

“Well, this looks like a brand-new barn, Joseph,” Ben smiled as he approached his son.  “You’ve done a wonderful job.”

“Thanks, Pa – I’ve still got more to do but the stalls and the grain bins are done,” Joe returned as he placed the bridles on a new hook he had just hung.

Ben was grateful that Joe seemed a little more talkative than he had been in the last five days since their discussion about Marie.  He still wasn’t anything close to his former self, partly due to his scar and partly due to his continued struggle to come to terms with the way he felt about his mother.

“How about coming inside with me and getting some coffee?”

“I still have a few things I’d like to get done today,” Joe answered quietly.

Ben threw his arm over his son’s shoulder and tried to cajole the boy, “Oh I think you can take a few minutes off, how about it?  I just put on the coffee pot.  Hop Sing is in town visiting one of his many cousins – and I can’t drink a whole pot by myself.”

“Okay, Pa,” Joe nodded.  It was apparent to him that his father was trying hard to make up for the harsh words that had been exchanged between the two of them up at his mother’s grave.

“C’mon,” Ben grinned and pulled Joe along with him as they stepped out into the yard.  Before they had made it halfway to the house, both Adam and Hoss rode up.

“Joe and I were going to get some coffee – you two are just in time,” Ben called over to his sons.

Adam dismounted and walked briskly over to his father.  “Pa – something’s come up –can I talk to you for a minute?” He asked cryptically.

Little Joe stared over at both his brothers and the anxious appearance on each man’s face told him that there was some kind of trouble brewing.

Ben felt uneasy speaking in front of Little Joe just in case Adam’s news concerned Francois Balataire.  “Joe—why don’t you and Hoss go and get that coffee ready for the four of us?”

Shaking his head Joe replied adamantly, “No, Pa.  Okay – let’s hear it, Adam.  I’m not a little kid so tell me what’s up.  Is it something about the man who attacked me?”

Hoss dismounted, hoping that he could force some kind of calm into the situation if needed.  He joined the rest of his family.

“Little Brother, I could sure use that coffee Pa was talking about.  How about coming inside with me?” Hoss tried to persuade his brother to go into the house.

“Nothing doing,” Joe spat out and redirected his gaze onto Adam.  “What is it?”

Adam sighed and shook his head.  He didn’t want his youngest brother to know what was going on but the kid was just too persistent, and he’d have to talk in front of him.

“One of the hands saw a man who fit Balantaire’s description not far from Miller’s Pond.  He lost him in the woods a mile from there.  He said it looked like the man was on a chestnut mare – but he wasn’t close enough to see the brand.”

Ben’s expression turned suddenly severe.  He cast a quick glance at Little Joe and read the odd look on the boy’s face.  It was a combination of fear, apprehension and anger.

“Joseph — I want you to stay here.  Fletcher is out in the bunkhouse, and I’ll let him know where we’re going.”

“Why don’t you want me along, Pa?  It does concern me, you know?” Joe questioned, his anger mounting over being left out of the hunt for his attacker.

Ben dropped a hand down onto the boy’s shoulder and answered, “I’m not taking any chances with you.  He’s already hurt you enough – I’m not going to give him another chance to do anything else to you, Joseph.  Now we need to get going.  You just stay put, understand?”

Little Joe frowned but decided that he really didn’t want to face Balantaire again, he’d seen him enough the night that he had carved his face, not to mention the numerous nightmares where he had shown up still holding that stiletto in his hand.

“Okay, Pa – I’ll stay,” Joe conceded.

“I’m going to tell Fletcher what’s going on and then we’ll head on out,” Ben said to Adam and Hoss.

“I’ll tell Fletcher, Pa – so you can all get going,” Joe announced.

Ben patted his son’s shoulder and smiled over at him, “Thanks, Son.  Now be careful.”

“Yes, Sir,” Joe responded as he watched his father and brothers mounting their horses.  They rode out of the yard in pursuit of the man who had cut Joe and left him injured both physically and emotionally.

**************

Ben and his sons had only ridden a little more than a mile before he raised his right hand signaling for them to stop.

“What’s wrong, Pa?” Hoss asked confused by the delay.  He felt an urgency to get a hold of the man who had harmed his little brother so badly.

Rubbing at the back of his neck, Ben tried to figure out how he could best explain the feeling that he’d had ever since leaving the front yard.  There was no logical reason for him to want to turn back for home nor did it make any sense the way that Ben’s hair was standing straight up on the nape of his neck.  It could have been fatherly intuition or perhaps the Lord Himself had been whispering in his ear.  Whatever the reason, he knew that he had to turn back just to see if Little Joe was safe.

“Listen, Boys, you both keep heading down to Miller’s Pond and see if Hoss can pick up those tracks.  If not, catch up with some of the hired hands and everyone go in different directions and see what you can find.”

“You’re not going with us?”

“No, Adam – maybe I’ll catch up with you two later – but right now I’ve got to head back to the house.”

Hoss and his brother exchanged bewildered glances.  “Pa?  What’s wrong?” Hoss finally questioned his father’s motivation for leaving them to hunt for Balantaire on their own.

Ben shrugged his shoulders and answered, “Probably nothing – but I just have to be sure.  Now you two boys get going – and be careful!”  He turned Buck back towards home and kicked the horse’s sides.

*************

Little Joe decided to wait to tell Fletcher what was going on until after he’d gone into the house and strapped his holster on.  He didn’t want to take any chances, especially when he thought about the fact that he had been unarmed the last time he had seen Francois Balantaire.  Joe refused to let the man ever catch him off guard again.

Stepping inside the ranch house, Joe walked to the credenza, closing the door behind him.  At the exact moment that he noticed his Colt revolver was missing from his holster he felt an arm going around his neck and stared down at that strange looking knife.  Francois had been waiting just behind the front door the whole time.

“I have taken the time to rid you of that gun, Joseph.  Are you not happy to see me again?”

Little Joe froze in fear and his blood went cold.  His mind flashed back to the last time he had seen the evil man and felt the stabbing pain to his right cheek as Francois had sent the stiletto into it.

“Does your voice fail you, Joseph?”

“What do you want now?  Haven’t you done enough to me already?” Joe finally asked, still haunted by the terrifying memories of what Francois had done to him.

Francois shoved Joe over to the settee all the while keeping the blade of his knife held against his neck.

“You have been covering the gift from your mother – and you should display it for all to see.  Wear it proudly, Joseph!” Francois grinned as he ripped the bandage off Joe’s face and tossed it over the back of the settee.

Joe used that one instant of distraction to take his right elbow and fiercely plowed it backwards into Francois’ rib cage.  He was momentarily stunned but recovered quickly, knocking Joe down onto the floor.

“I’ve decided to give you another gift, Joseph.  You can’t cover both sides of your face, can you?  Perhaps matching scars will humble you more?”

Little Joe tried to pick himself off the floor hoping that he could maneuver over to Pa’s desk where there was always a loaded pistol.  Francois could read the boy’s face and knew that he was plotting to do something to escape.

“There is no place to run, Joseph.  I will make the cut quick this time – so then I can be off before anyone has a chance to rescue you.”

Joe struggled to push himself back from the man who was straddling him partly sitting on his stomach while holding the knife to his throat.

“Why are you doing this?  Whatever happened between you and my mother hasn’t got anything to do with me!  You’ve already destroyed my face – isn’t that enough?” Joe tried to stall for time as he calculated his next move.

“If your Mama was here then she would be tasting this blade—but unfortunately she’s not – but you are – her blood is in you, Joseph,” Francois explained with a sinister smile on his face.

“My mother should’ve scratched your eyes out – and not just your face!  But she wasn’t insane like you are – she could’ve done worse than she did back then and you’re just lucky that she didn’t.”

“Ah but are you lucky?  Let’s see,” Francois lifted his knife and held it to the left side of Joe’s face.  “Jagged or straight?” He asked, just as he had before he had plunged that same blade into the right side of the boy’s face over a month ago.

*** Please God, just give me the strength! *** Joe prayed as the stiletto came closer.  It was at that precise moment that he was able to pull his legs up and wrapped his ankles around Francois’ neck causing him to fall onto his back.

Joe quickly pulled himself up and just when he thought he could make it to his father’s desk Francois recovered and knocked him back down.  Joe pushed the man back with the bottoms of his boots and then scrambled back to standing.  Francois instantly returned to his feet and slugged Joe in the stomach so hard that he fell backwards landing against the support wall just to the right of his father’s desk.  Little Joe’s head had hit against the wood almost knocking him out.  He shook himself trying to recoup just as Francois headed straight for him with the stiletto readying to slice through his face.  Joe winced his eyes closed, knowing the kind of pain which he’d soon be feeling for the second time in his life.  At that precise moment the peg in the wall which held his mother’s epee came out freeing the sword.  It landed on Little Joe’s left just as Francois reeled back to send the stiletto down into his face.  Joe’s hand fell on the epee.  He lifted it just in time to fend off his attacker.   Francois had moved too quickly and impaled himself on the blade of the sword.  Little Joe watched in stunned horror as Francois fell backwards landing on the floor dead.

Shakily crawling over to Francois, Joe pulled the epee out of the man’s stomach.  He checked to make sure that Balantaire was dead, and finding no pulse, Joe held the sword in his hand as tears uncontrollably left his eyes.

“Joseph!”  Ben shouted as he came in through the front door.  He looked across the room where his son knelt next to the body of Francois Balantaire.  Stunned to see that Joseph had somehow survived another attack, he hastily made his way over to his son.

“Pa,” Joe cried as his father knelt there next to him, sweeping the boy up into his arms.  “Pa – she – she saved me,” He whispered, still holding the epee.  “Ma – she saved me.”

Ben reached over with his right hand to check Francois for a pulse before he let down his guard completely.  He was relieved to find that the man was quite dead.

“How did it happen, Son?” Ben asked softly, still holding Joseph in his protective embrace.

“I — I don’t know exactly, Pa — -it happened so fast.  He hit me – and I fell back – over there,” Joe attempted to explain and pointed to the wall where the epee had been hanging.  “I don’t know how – how it came down— but right when he was going to cut the other side of my face the epee just fell off the wall and landed there next to my left hand, Pa.  If it hadn’t –,” Joe stopped talking and hugged onto his father as the terrifying realization hit him.  He would’ve been cut on both sides of his face if the sword hadn’t fallen at that precise moment and landed right there next to his left hand.  “He lunged at me and ran right into Ma’s epee.”

Ben’s eyes misted up as he looked at the wall where the epee had been hung by him at Marie’s insistence fifteen years ago.

*** “Darling, this is the perfect place!” Marie pointed to the support wall just to the right of where Ben had recently placed his new desk and chair. ***

He heard his wife’s words and could still see Marie as she had pointed to where she wanted her epee to hang.  It was as if the woman had known that someday it would save their son.

“Your mother chose that wall, Joseph, she insisted that I hang it there,” He whispered.

“My mother – she saved me, Pa – I know that she did.  Pa – I was wrong – wrong for judging her – no matter what she did in her past – all that matters is that she loved me,” He confessed as tears rolled down his cheeks.

*** Thank God. *** Ben thought to himself, his own eyes brimming with tears.  He was both relieved and amazed by the strange turn of events.  Most of all he was thankful; thankful that his son had survived the attack and that the boy had let go of his anger towards his mother.

“Son, your mother loved you more than I can ever express in words — and I believe that a love that strong can transcend death.  It doesn’t surprise me that her epee found its way into your hand at the exact moment you needed it.  I think she wanted to let you know that she’s keeping an eye on you – and that she will always love you,” He whispered as he gently rocked his son in his arms.  Glancing down at his boy Ben saw a certain calmness in his eyes that he hadn’t seen in a very long while.  He prayed that it would be the beginning of the healing process for Joseph’s heart and the wound on his face.

For the first time since he had been scarred by Francois Balantaire’s stiletto, Little Joe felt safe and at peace with his mother.  Held there in the security of his father’s embrace he could feel the love that both of his parents had for him.  Closing his eyes Little Joe tried to hold onto that feeling for as long as he could.

**************

There was a strange sound coming from Little Joe’s window the next morning.  He groggily sat up on his bed and tried to home in on the noise.  Joe stood from his bed and walked across the room.  He shook his head in disbelief as he lifted his window.

“I just don’t believe it – is it really you?” He asked looking down at a sparrow.  “Let’s test this out.  Here,” he said as he put his palm out over the windowsill and waited.  The sparrow calmly walked onto the boy’s hand and stared at him.  Joe looked closer and there was still a tiny scar where the bird had been bitten a month ago by the stray cat out in the barn.  “I’ll be darned, it is you.  How are you doing?  Just stopping by to say hi?” Joe asked smiling broadly.  He couldn’t believe the bird would remember him even though he had saved its life.  The bird hopped off Joe’s palm and walked back to the windowsill and flew off towards the roof.  Joe stuck his head outside to try and see where it had gone.  It was then that he spotted the bird’s nest partially hidden by the eaves of the roof.  The sparrow was inside sitting on some small eggs.  “Oh – and here I thought you were a male – sorry about that,” Joe grinned and pulled his head back inside.  He wondered if he should tell his family about it.  He figured that they would think he was either crazy or lying.

“Guess I’d better get dressed,” he said and walked to is nightstand to get a new bandage.  His eyes fell on the picture of his mother which was now standing and facing his bed.  This time it hadn’t been his father who had set it back up.  Joe had done it the previous day after surviving the attack by Francois.

Little Joe carefully cut the new bandage and spread the collodion onto the four sides.  He lifted it up to his face and then paused and thought on it for a few minutes.  Joe set it back onto the nightstand and got dressed.

**************

Calling a quick hello around the table to his brothers, Joe took his seat and began to fill his plate when Pa walked into the dining room.

“Good morning, Joseph,” Ben smiled over at the boy and then noticed that his youngest was sitting at the table without a bandage covering his scar for the very first time.

“Morning, Pa,” Joe nodded over to him and poured some coffee.

Adam and Hoss shared a surprised glance back and forth but didn’t say a word.

“I’m gonna be done with that barn soon, Pa.  Guess I’ll need a new project after that.”

Ben shot a warning look over at Hoss and Adam cautioning them not to say a word about the fact that their brother wasn’t wearing a bandage.  He then replied, “I’m sure I can find you plenty to do around here, Joseph.”

“I was hoping to go back to gentling the new stock,” Joe returned much to everyone’s amazement.

Ben cleared his throat feeling a bit overcome with emotion.  He never thought he’d ever hear his youngest say those words again.  Joe surely knew that the chance of a bandage staying on his face while breaking a horse was almost nil.

“Do you think you’re up to it?”

Joe nodded and watched his brothers looking back and forth at each other.  He finally decided to level with everyone.

“Listen, I know that I’ve got to come out from behind my bandage.  I don’t want to – but I have to try.  I don’t know how others will look at me –I’m sure some won’t even want to try.  But a friend of mine stopped by earlier to tell me that life goes on— so I’ve got to be as brave as they are and get back to living.  I’m not happy about having this face – you all know that – but there’s nothing I can do about it.  I’m sorry I’ve been so hard to live with too.  Thanks for accepting me the way that I am,” Little Joe said, his voice filled with regret.

There wasn’t one dry eye around the breakfast table after hearing what Joe had said.  No one could even speak for a while, but one by one they nodded over to Joe that they understood how hard it had been on him.  Hoss stood from the table and grabbed his plate and cup.  He walked over to Joe who was seated to Pa’s left.

“Get out of my chair,” Hoss smiled.

Little Joe grinned and grabbed his plate and cup.  He exchanged places with Hoss and soon was back to sitting on his father’s right.

“Well, if you boys are done playing musical chairs maybe we can all finish our breakfast?” Ben smiled broadly to see his youngest back in his former position.

“Hey, Kid – what friend were you talking about a minute ago?   You know the one who talked sense into you?” Adam asked.

Little Joe smiled wryly and returned, “The one who happens to be sitting in her nest not far from my window.”

Everyone around the table looked stunned for the second time that morning, which made Joe laugh.

“Your sparrow came back?  Are you sure it’s the same bird?”

“Yeah, Pa – scar and all.  But I thought it was a male until I saw her in her nest a little while ago.  Anyway – she’s out there living her life — so I’m going to do the best I can to live mine.”

Hop Sing, who had been eavesdropping as usual, walked into the dining room.

“Sparrow remember boy – everyone know sparrow not forget a kindness,” Hop Sing insisted.

“If Hop Sing says it, I believe it,” Hoss grinned and nodded over to the cook.

Ben just sat at the head of the table and shook his head and smiled.  He was amazed at how well his youngest was doing after such a harrowing experience the previous day.  He finally realized that Joe having made peace with his mother had a lot to do with the way he was now acting.  Ben just wished that the boy’s scar would heal, but it didn’t seem likely.  However, he would do his best to help him if he had trouble dealing with the outside world now that he had stopped hiding behind a bandage.

 

Epilogue:

The first day out in the world without the bandage on his face was the hardest one for Little Joe.  He stood at the door waiting to go outside and tried to summon the nerve to leave.  Pa sat across the room and stared over at his son.  Joe finally turned and looked at his father and watched him nod his way.   Drawing in a deep breath, he opened the door and stepped outside.

Little Joe had the last of the barn repairs to do before venturing out to the breaking corral later in the week.  As he hammered in the final rungs of the new ladder for the hayloft he heard someone calling his name.  He turned and saw Fletcher standing there in the doorway.

“You finally got it done, huh?” The man called to Joe.

“Just about,” He replied, still not looking directly at the foreman.

Fletcher made his way across the barn to where Joe was working.  He reached over and took the hammer from the boy, forcing him to look up.

“What are you doing?  I’m trying to finish this darned project!” Joe fussed.

Fletcher reached over and touched Little Joe’s face.  “You call that a scar?  That’s not even a danged nick!  I’ve done worse shaving!  Is this what all your fussing and crying has been about?”

Joe grinned.  He knew that Fletcher was trying to make light of the very large scar on his face in his own inimitable way.

“Yeah, well maybe you need glasses,” Joe returned.

“You want to see a real scar?  Look here –,” Fletcher stopped and lifted his pant leg.  “I done this on an axe!  It took thirty stitches!”

Little Joe stared at the man’s leg and shook his head.  “I’ve done worse shaving,” Joe smiled and nodded over at Fletcher.

“Maybe you need those glasses!  Now stop your jawing you lazy pampered no account little varmint and get this danged barn done.  I hear you’re wanting to break some hammerheads later this week.  Well, you ain’t gonna do that until you get this here barn done!”

“If you’d kindly give me my hammer back, I’ll get the barn done, Fletcher.”

Laughing and pretending that he was about to hit the boy, the man finally handed the hammer back to Joe.

“Good to have you back, Little Joe,” Fletcher smiled, patted the boy’s back, and walked out of the barn.

“You old coot – you don’t fool me – you like me and you know it,” Joe muttered and went back to fixing the ladder.

***************

Three months and two weeks after Little Joe had been cut by Francois Balantaire, he was back to his regular job of breaking the new stock and tending to the herd along with his two brothers.  The days were long and grueling, but the three Cartwright brothers were used to that.  Joe had incurred some ups and downs during those first few weeks and some of the hired hands had a hard time getting used to his appearance.  If it got to be too much, his brothers would jump in and make sure that everyone knew that Joe Cartwright was the same rowdy kid that he had always been no matter what he looked like.  After that the stares became less, though he’d notice one or two occasionally.  Little Joe toughed it out and tried to laugh them off, which made his brothers very proud of him.  He was attempting to do exactly what he had told his family that he would; he was living his life no matter what.

While Hoss and Adam were out at the timber camp trying to help fulfill the new contracts in time for shipment, Little Joe was home with his father helping there with chores which had stacked up over the last few weeks while all three sons had been away.

Ben wasn’t surprised that his youngest had slept in that Saturday because the boy had put in some very long days recently.  He had eaten his breakfast but lingered awhile at the dining table reading his newspaper and drinking his third cup of coffee when Little Joe finally made his appearance.

“Morning, Pa,” Joe said as he sat down at the table and reached for the coffee pot.

“Morning, Son – or should I say good afternoon?” Ben quipped and continued to read the paper.

Little Joe helped himself to some coffee and announced, “I think I’ll get to that woodpile today after I eat.”

Ben dropped the newspaper down to comment when his eyes fell on his son for the first time that day.  He dropped his coffee cup, and the contents splattered all over the tablecloth.

“Joseph – your face!” He gasped, his voice shaking.

Frowning he replied, “Yeah – I know, Pa — it’s not exactly big news.”

“No – your face!” Ben returned, his eyes brimming with tears.

“You want me to go put on a bandage to cover it up, Pa?” Joe asked, feeling very self-conscious about how bad his scar looked.

Jumping up from his chair Ben reached down and pulled his son up by his elbow.  He placed both of his hands on either side of the boy’s face.  “Oh, Joseph!” He couldn’t stop shaking as he surveyed his son’s face.

“Pa?  Pa, what is it you’re scaring me?” Joe asked fearfully.  He couldn’t understand for the life of him why his father was standing there holding his face in his hands with tears welling up in his eyes.

“Come over here,” Ben insisted and halfway dragged his son across the room and over to his study.  A mirror hung just to the left of Ben’s desk, and he reached up and pulled it off the wall.  “Joseph—look!  Your scar – I can just barely see it!”

“What?” Joe asked in disbelief.

“Go ahead and look!” Ben handed his son the mirror.

Joe shook his head and refused to take the mirror from his father.  “No, Pa – I haven’t looked at a mirror since that night I snuck into your room after Doc took the stitches out.  I don’t want to see it.”

Ben held the mirror up to his son’s face and gently coaxed him on, “Joseph – it’s alright –go on and look.”

Reluctantly Little Joe gave in and stared at the mirror that Pa was holding up to his face.  He stood there stunned and unable to speak.

“Joseph—it’s almost completely gone.  I’d say it’s a miracle,” Pa announced, his voice faltering due to the relief and joy that he was experiencing along with his son.  Ben finally placed the mirror on top of his desk and turned back to see the boy’s reaction.

“I don’t believe it,” Joe muttered barely audible, still shocked by what he had seen.  “I’m almost back to normal — I don’t understand how this happened, Pa.”

Ben pulled Joe into his arms, almost forcing the air out of the boy’s lungs due to the fierceness of his embrace.  He knew exactly how his son felt because it was hard for him to believe it too.  Joseph had gone through so much travail and almost everyone had believed that he would carry the horrendous scar for the rest of his life.  Now, just over three months after Francois Balantaire had cut him, Joseph looked almost the same as he had before the man had used the stiletto on his face.

Joe buried his face in his father’s chest and cried.  He was so overcome by what he had just seen that he didn’t know how to process it in his mind.  “Oh, Pa – I’m not ugly anymore,” Joe sobbed.

“Joseph, you were never ugly,” Ben whispered and swept his hand through his son’s hair trying to calm him.  “I told you that it’s what you are on the inside that counts – and that’s where true beauty lies.  No – you were never ugly.”

“Pa – I – I don’t know what to say,” Little Joe choked out as joyful tears fell from his eyes.  He honestly believed that he’d live the life of someone who would be shunned and now that was over.  He held onto his father and tried to believe that he wasn’t dreaming.

“I know what to say, Joseph.  Thank God,” Ben answered grinning from ear to ear.

“I already did – the minute I looked into that mirror, Pa,” Joe nodded.

*************

Two days after Joe’s scar had seemingly disappeared, he finally got the chance to show his brothers.  They both sat in the living room stunned as they stared at their little brother’s face.

“Little Joe – there’s just a thin line there – and even that is hard to see unless you’re looking for it,” Hoss choked out, so relieved to come home to such wonderful news.  He remembered all too well the night that Little Joe had forced him to be brutally honest about what the scar looked like.  It had hurt him so much to have had to tell Joe that the scar looked bad.

“Kid, I just can’t believe it,” Adam nodded over to his little brother.

“Funny that’s what Joseph said about a dozen times two days ago,” Ben laughed.

“Hey – listen – I need to have a family meeting.  There’s something important that I have to say,” Joe announced.  “Hold on I’ve got to go and get Hop Sing.  I’ll be right back!”

They all watched as the boy raced into the kitchen to get the cook.

“Wonder what that’s all about, Pa?” Hoss asked.

Ben just shrugged his shoulders and waited for Little Joe to return and tell them.

“Hop Sing, sit down on the settee next to Hoss, will you?  I’ve got something to tell the whole family, so I need you here,” Little Joe ushered the cook over to his brother.

Drawing in a deep breath, Joe began.  “I’ve got a confession to make – and this concerns my whole family.  I told all of you how sorry I am for a lot of the things that I said and did – well –I know it wasn’t easy on any of you.”

“Joseph, we’re your family – we’re supposed to help you during the bad times as well as the good times,” Ben reminded the boy.

“I know that Pa – but this has to do with my confession.”

“Confession — maybe we should call in a priest?” Hoss laughed and watched as his father shot him a warning look.  “Oh – sorry – go on, Little Joe.”

Joe stood in front of the fireplace and looked at the faces of the four men and began to get a little choked up.  He fought back his tears and began once more. “A couple months ago I woke up in the middle of the night – and I saw Hop Sing leaving my room.  I didn’t think much about it – but a few nights later I saw him standing over my bed,” Joe stopped and stared over at Hop Sing who nodded his way.  “I didn’t want him to know that I was awake because back then I didn’t want to see anyone.  I guess I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.  Anyway, I felt something on my face – right where my scar was.  Hop Sing was putting something on me – I didn’t know what it was, but I figured that he didn’t want me to know so I kept quiet about it.  Then a few nights after that I woke to find Pa next to my bed,” Joe stopped and stared over at his father who dropped his head down a bit in an attempt to hide his guilt.  “I know you check on me sometimes, Pa – but that wasn’t all that you did. I felt your hand on my face, and you were putting something on my scar too,” Joe stared at Pa again and noticed he was wearing a slight grin.  “Now what I have just said would be enough in itself to let me know how much Hop Sing and Pa wanted this darn scar to go away – but something else happened a week or so later.  I woke to find Hoss leaving my room and he was carrying something in his hand.  I felt up by my scar, and it was wet.  So, Big Brother – you were also putting something on my face,” Joe paused and looked at Hoss.  His brother smiled sheepishly at him.  “Lastly, a few nights after Hoss started to come in off and on, I woke to see the man in black here,” Joe paused and smiled over at Adam.  “Yeah – he was in my room smearing that stuff on top of my scar too.”  Adam simply looked down at the floor and away from Little Joe’s penetrating gaze.  Joe stared over at each man in the room and his eyes teared up.  “I just wanted you all to know something.  I had been praying for myself – asking God to please take away that awful scar.  But after I realized how much each one of you wanted that scar to go away – and when I woke to see each one of you quietly slipping out of my room so that I’d never know what you were doing – well – I stopped praying for myself.  It was then that I prayed that my scar would go away for you.”  Joe stopped and wiped his eyes on his shirtsleeve.  “You know life has a lot of challenges – and sometimes there’s no easy fixes – and sometimes there’s no fixes at all.  But as long as you’ve got people who love you the way you all love me — well there’s really nothing that’s impossible.  I just wanted to let each one of you know – how much it meant to me that you wanted me to get better – because you love me.  I’m not lucky – I am blessed.”

Little Joe looked around the room and there wasn’t a dry eye in the place, so he didn’t feel bad about the tears which were leaving his own eyes.

“Yes, Joseph, we are all blessed,” Ben nodded over to the boy.

Hoss swiped his shirtsleeve over his eyes and coughed into his hand.  He looked over at Adam and said, “You know what this means, right?”

Adam grinned at Hoss and nodded, “Oh yeah I do.”

“What?” Joe asked wondering what his brothers were talking about.

“This means that you’re back to being the good looking one,” Hoss laughed and patted his brother’s shoulder.

“That’s right, Hoss, there won’t be any living with the kid again,” Adam quipped.

“No,” Joe announced and looked over at his father.  “Pa said I’m not just a pretty face, right?”

“You’re much more than that, Joseph,” Ben nodded as he grinned over at the boy.

“Hop Sing, I take it that it was your magic ointment that did the trick, huh?” Hoss asked.

Hop Sing shook his head and smiled broadly, “No magic, it is simple recipe – but it love that make it work – without that – it do nothing.”

Ben stood and approached his youngest and dropped his arm around the boy’s shoulder.  “I’ll agree with that.  There were a lot of things at work.  There was that ointment of Hop Sing’s that his uncle made up for you, and there was the love behind all of us putting it onto you, Joseph, and there were also a whole lot of prayers too.  It probably was a combination of all three that made you better.”

Joe stared across the room at the epee hanging back in its original position on the wall by the desk.  “It was all three, Pa – and a little help from my Ma.”

Ben grinned over what his youngest had said because the family was finally back to being whole again.  “That’s right, Joseph, your mother had her hand in this too.  So, let’s just say that you were taken care of by Hop Sing’s magic elixir, the love of your family, a whole lot of prayers, and of course – your mother’s epee,” He nodded over to Joe who stood there just as handsome as he ever was and with a contented smile on his face.

***Every heartache will fade away just like every storm runs out of rain. ***

The End

Written by: Wrangler

2-12-2026

(Dedicated to Rob, my story consultant who works very hard to keep me in line and forces me to finish a story.  And to the readers, along with all who have been so encouraging in their feedback — thank you so very much!)

*** The character of Rene Marchant is from the story, “Always My Son.” ***