Summary:  A snake causes chaos in the Cartwright house.
Rating  G   2,140 words

The Snake

“Pa?”

Ben looked up from his bookwork to see Hoss standing in front of his desk with a worried expression on his young face. Yes son?” he said. “What is it?”

“Um … I gotta tell ya something,” said Hoss, shuffling his feet and looking at the floor.

“What is it?” asked his father again.

“Um …” Hoss shuffled his feet again.

“Hoss, I’m trying to get this finished before Hop Sing puts the supper on the table,” said Ben impatiently. “Speak plain and hurry up … now what is it?”

“I was out back on my way from the outhouse …” said Hoss.

“Yes?”

“And I saw a dead snake …”

“Yes?”

“And I poked it with a stick …and it weren’t dead after all,” finished Hoss.

Ben gave his son an anxious look. “What?” he said, springing to his feet and coming around the desk. “Did it come near you?” he asked. “Did you get hurt? What ….”

“No,” said Hoss, shaking his head quickly. “But the back door was open and it came into the house Pa.”

“What?!” shouted Ben. “There’s a snake in the house?” Hoss took a step backwards and nodded.

Little Joe ran across the living room from the fireplace where he’d been playing with his blocks. “Where’s the snake?” he said excitedly. “Is there a snake? I wanna see it!”

“Joseph, be quiet,” said Ben sharply. “Hoss .. what kind of snake was it?”

Hoss shook his head. “I don’t know Pa,” he said miserably. “It was too dark fer me ta see.”

Joe started pulling on his father’s trouser leg excitedly. “I wanna see the snake!” he shouted. “Where is it Pa?”

Ben picked the small boy up without a word, walked over to the coffee table and placed him on it. “You keep still,” he said, pointing a finger at the little boy. “Stay on this table until I tell you to get down.”  He turned to Hoss again. “Which way did it go?” he asked.

Hoss shook his head again. “I dunno Pa,” he said. “It was too quick ta see.”

The front door opened and Adam came into the room. “Hey Adam!” called out Little Joe excitedly. “There’s a snake!”

Adam jumped quickly and looked anxiously all around the floor. “Where?” he said.

“It came in when I was out back,” explained Hoss. “I was on my way back from …”

“Not now Hoss,” interrupted his father. “Go into the kitchen and tell Hop Sing what’s happened. Adam … get out to the barn and bring in a couple of those hay-bale hooks. Quickly!” He turned to face the fireplace. “Joseph! Get your feet up on that coffee table!”

Little Joe immediately pulled his small feet up. “But Pa,” he protested. “You always tell me ta take my feet off the table!”

“Well this time I’m telling you to put them on it!” snapped Ben.

Suddenly there was a loud yell from the kitchen and Hoss ran quickly back into the living room followed by Hop Sing who was brandishing a large meat cleaver in his hand. “Tell Hop Sing not ta kill the snake Pa!” Hoss pleaded with his father. “He’s gonna chop it up!”

“Hop Sing no stay in house with snake!” said the cook firmly and promptly got down on his knees and began to search under the dining room table. “No snake under here,” he announced, getting out from under it. He waved the meat cleaver around in the air above his head a couple of times. “Snake go chop chop!”

“No!” shouted Hoss anxiously. “Tell him not to Pa! He can’t kill the snake!”

“He can’t kill the snake!” echoed Little Joe excitedly.

“Son, one way or another that snake is leaving this house,” said Ben firmly. “To be perfectly honest, I don’t much care if it leaves alive or dead.”

“It leave dead!” said Hop Sing, still waving the cleaver. “Snake go from house or Hop Sing go back Old China!”

At that moment, Adam came back into the room with two hay-baling hooks and gave one to his father. “Right,” said Ben. “Adam, you start checking over near the study. I’ll check the living area and the dining room. “Hop Sing … you check the kitchen.”

“What about me Pa?” asked Hoss, holding out a long stick. “I’ve still got the stick I tried ta pick it up with …. I could use this.”

Ben hesitated. “All right,” he said. “You help Hop Sing in the kitchen … but be careful. We don’t know for sure what kind of snake it is yet.”

He began to poke around the fireplace with his hook as Little Joe watched him, his eyes wide. “Over there Pa!” he called out excitedly. “Over there! What about over here? Ya missed that bit Pa! Over there Pa!”

“Joseph, be quiet,” said Ben as he continued to search. “I don’t need you screeching in my ear like that.”

“Poke real good with the hook Pa,” said Little Joe, oblivious to the tone of his father’s voice. “Make him come out! I wanna see the snake come out!”

“Joseph, I told you to put your feet on the table!” snapped Ben.

“There he is!” squealed Little Joe suddenly and Ben nearly fell over as he tried to turn while still crouched down.

“Where?” Ben asked anxiously.

Little Joe shook his head. “It weren’t him after all,” he said sadly. “It must of been something else.”

Ben gave his small son a frustrated look as he stood up.

“No luck over here!” called Adam.

“I’ll see how they’re doing in the kitchen,” said Ben. “Adam, keep your eye on Joe.”  He hesitated. “Make that two eyes,” he said as he left the room.

Little Joe looked up at Adam’s eyes as his brother came to stand next to him. “What’s Pa mean?” he asked in a puzzled tone. “How do ya keep ya eyes on me Adam?”

“Never you mind,” said Adam absently.

Ben, Hop Sing and Hoss came back into the living room. “Nothing,” said Ben. “Hop Sing has checked in every cupboard and on every shelf. There’s definitely no snake in that kitchen.”

Hop Sing waved his cleaver around his head. “I get him!” he said. “He not get far!”

Hoss pulled at his father’s sleeve. “Pa … tell Hop Sing not to kill him!” he pleaded.

Suddenly there was an ear-piercing squeal from Little Joe and Ben flinched as Hoss put his hands over his ears at the sound. “What is it?” asked Ben, turning quickly.

Little Joe jumped up and down on the coffee table a couple of times while pointing to the stairs excitedly. “I saw him!” he shouted. “He went up the stairs!”

Ben bent over and held onto his small son to stop him from jumping. “Joseph?” he said, staring into the child’s face intently. “Are you sure that you saw him?”

Little Joe nodded excitedly. “Yes Pa,” he said, his eyes wide.

“What colour was it?” asked Ben.

“It were blue,” replied Little Joe, his curls bouncing as he nodded his head in his excitement.

“Blue!” scoffed Hoss. “There ain’t never been a blue snake! Snakes ain’t blue!”

Little Joe drew himself up to his full height and gave his brother a disdainful look as he put his hands on his hips. “This one were blue!” he said emphatically. “I saw it and it were a blue snake. It were real big too,” he added, holding his arms as wide as they would go. “Big as this!”

Adam walked over to the bookshelf and pulled out a blue book. “This colour?” he asked, holding the book out towards his little brother.

Little Joe shook his head. “No … not that colour,” he said impatiently, stamping his small boot on the coffee table. “I done told ya it were blue!”

Ben picked up the little boy and walked over with him to the bookshelf. “Show me which colour,” he said. Little Joe pointed to a brown book on the shelf. “That one,” he said firmly. “Blue!”

Ben sighed and carried the child back to the coffee table again and stood him on it. “First thing after this is all over … I’m reviewing your colours with you young man,” he muttered under his breath as he shook his head. “Hoss … you stay down here and watch your little brother. Joseph … you are not to get off that coffee table until you’re told to. Understood?”

“Yes Pa,” said Little Joe, the excitement still evident in his eyes. “Are ya gonna bring it down here for us ta play with when ya catch it?”

“You don’t play with snakes,” said his father firmly. “Adam …. Hop Sing … come upstairs with me.”

“Don’t kill it!” shouted Hoss in an anxious voice as his father, his brother and Hop Sing went upstairs.

“Can we give the snake a name Hoss?” asked Little Joe from behind him.

“I reckon not Joe,” said Hoss sadly. “I don’t reckon Pa’s gonna let us keep him as a pet.”

“Why not?” asked Little Joe. “I like snakes.”

“So do I,” replied Hoss. “But they ain’t good as pets Joe.”

Upstairs, Ben hesitated on the top landing. “Adam, you check your room and Hoss’”, he said. “Hop Sing, you check the guest rooms and I’ll check my room and Joe’s. Call out if you find anything.”  He headed into his own bedroom as the other two walked up the hallway and into different bedrooms. Ben searched thoroughly under the bed, between the bedclothes, in the dresser drawers and everywhere else he could think of before doing the same in Little Joe’s room.

“Nothing,” said Adam as he met his father back in the hallway.

Hop Sing came out of one of the guest bedrooms and shook his head. “No snake,” he said, fingering his meat cleaver meaningfully.

“Are you sure we can trust Joe?” asked Adam. “Maybe the snake didn’t come up here after all?”

Ben opened his mouth to answer, but before he could there was another ear-piercing squeal from downstairs. He rushed to the top of the staircase, followed closely by Adam and Hop Sing and down below saw Little Joe once again jumping up and down on the coffee table while Hoss stood next to the fireplace with his stick poised. “It’s come downstairs again!” shouted Little Joe as he jumped. “It’s down here again Pa! Quick!”

Ben ran downstairs two at a time and straight towards Hoss. “Get back son,” he said pulling the boy away from the fireplace and holding out his hook towards the small brown snake that was curled in the corner of the fireplace. “Adam … open the back door. I’m going to see if I can get it out on this hook.”

Adam ran to the back door while everyone else held their breath and watched Ben expertly hook the snake up and carry it across the dining room. “Let me see Pa!” called out Little Joe. “I wanna see it ‘fore ya put him outside!”

Ben took no notice of his youngest son, but continued to walk slowly towards the back door with the snake dangling from his hook.

“Be careful with him!” called out Hoss. “Don’t hurt him!”

“I wanna see him!” yelled Little Joe as his father flung the snake outside. “I didn’t get ta see him properly!” He began to cry and stamp his small feet on the coffee table in frustration as Adam closed the back door firmly.

“Joseph, stop that yelling,” said Ben in a weary voice. “And stop stamping your feet on that table.”  He reached over and picked up the little boy as he handed Adam his hook. “Thank you son,” he said. “Let’s hope that’s the last we see of that snake now. Hoss …. next time you see a snake … alive or dead … leave it be.”

“Yes Pa,” said Hoss.

“Next time snake come in house … he be chop chop!” said Hop Sing menacingly, swiping his meat cleaver a couple of times in the air.

“Yes … well, thank you Hop Sing,” said Ben as he sat down on the sofa with Joe on his lap.

“I get supper on table,” said Hop Sing and disappeared into the kitchen.

“I’ll put the hooks back in the barn,” said Adam and disappeared from the room.

“Hoss … get your hands washed for supper,” said Ben wearily.

“OK,” said Hoss as he left the room. “But I sure hope that snake weren’t hurt.”

“Pa?” said Little Joe, looking up at his father’s face intently, his green eyes still wide from all the excitement.

“Yes Joe?”

“That was fun, weren’t it?”

Ben didn’t answer.

“Pa?”

“Yes Joe?”

“Can we find another snake ta play with tomorrow?”

Ben said nothing, but simply sighed wearily.

The End