Summary: Ever notice the frequent repetition of certain names among the women the Cartwrights romance?  The boys have noticed, and are having some fun with it.  This was inspired by a discussion on the message board about the repetition of women’s names – I made a joke, and then started thinking about expanding on it.  And I know all these characters were never in an episode together, but go with me on it!

Rating: G | Word Count: 812 words

Coming down the stairs in the early evening, Ben found himself hearing a very odd conversation.  He stopped on the landing, in plain sight so it wasn’t as if he was eavesdropping, and studied the picture below.  Hoss, Joe, Jamie and Candy were all gathered around the coffee table in the great room, Candy making notes on several sheets of paper while the others looked over his shoulders.  The discussion was entirely inexplicable.

“So that’s an Ann and a Laura for me,” Candy said, making a mark on a paper, then shuffling to another.  “Hoss, what about you, either one?”

The big man scratched his head.  “How about Annie Laurie?  Does that count for both?”

“She went by Laurie,” Joe pointed out.

“Yeah,” Hoss said, “but her name was Annie Laurie.”

“Sounds like a double score to me,” Candy said, noting something else.

“You didn’t give me two points for both Julias!” Joe protested.  “Or for two Jennifers!”

“It’s not the same thing,” Candy said.  “That’s two girls with the same names, not one girl with two names.”

“What on earth,” Ben said, finding his voice finally, “are you boys doing?”

They all looked up in remarkable unison, but it wasn’t too surprising that it was Joe who spoke first.  “It’s sort of a game, Pa.  You ever notice how an awful lot of the women around here have the same names?”

“No,” Ben said slowly, descending the remainder of the steps.  “I don’t think I have.”

“Really?” Joe said.  “I mean, the sheer number of Lauras and Lauries…”

“And Anns,” Hoss contributed.  “Lot of Anns.”

“We both got points for Emily too,” Joe reminded him.

“What do you mean points?” Ben demanded.

They all looked at each other, and this time Candy spoke up.  “It’s sort of comparing romantic histories, you know.  Seeing how many times we’ve each encountered certain names.”

Ben frowned.  “Isn’t that rather disrespectful?”

“Well, Pa, you sort of have to find a way to laugh,” Joe remarked, “or it all gets pretty depressing.”

“Even so,” Ben said, and his gaze rested on his youngest son.  “Jamie, I don’t know if this is quite appropriate…”

“Aw, it’s all right,” Jamie protested.  “Candy, can I have a point for Carrie Sturgis?”

“Only if I get a point for Kerri Pickett,” Joe said swiftly.

“You weren’t romancing her!” Hoss protested.

“Well, you know, we had a connection.”

“She’s forty years older’n you!”

“Yeah, but apart from that.”

“You ever kiss her?” Hoss challenged.

Joe shrugged.  “On the forehead.”

“I dunno, Little Joe…”

Joe snapped his fingers.  “No, wait, I forgot about Carrie McClaine!  That one counts.”

“How could you forget somebody?” Jamie asked, eyes wide.

“I’ve got more’n forty names to remember,” Joe said, expression taking on a distinct tinge of smugness.  “It’s a lot to keep track of.”

“All right, I’ve got the Carries,” Candy said, shuffling more papers.  “What else?  We covered the Jennifers, and we gave Adam points for Ann and Laura—”

“You’re including Adam?” Ben said, surprised by this sudden reference to his oldest, absent son.

“Yeah, but he’s not scoring real good,” Joe said.  “There’s only one Rebecca or Ruth, so that’s no points.”

“I see.”  Ben coughed.  “Ah, who’s winning?”

“Joe,” all the others said, in tones of varying degrees of annoyance.

Well, that much was predictable, at least.

“Hey, I just remembered, Adam’s got Sue Ellen,” Joe said, “so can’t I get a point for Ellie or Eloise?  Those are awfully close.”

“I guess so,” Candy said with a shrug.

Ben had every intention of walking away.  Despite that, he found himself asking, “So women are only eligible if there were two of the same name?”

“And mostly if two of us romanced two different ones,” Joe said.  “But they gave me a point for two Julia’s.  Which I still say ought to be double—”

“You’re lucky we gave you one point,” Hoss insisted, “every other name was two different women and at least two of us.”

“So I suppose,” Ben said, mind casting all unintentionally back over romances of the past, and putting them up against tonight’s discussion, “that means I would have a point for Jennifer Collier.  I imagine there were no other Ingers, but what about Elizabeth or Marie?”

This was met with an unexpected silence, and he suddenly found both Hoss and Joe looking at him with deep frowns.

“Pa,” Hoss said heavily, “that’s our mothers you’re talking about.”

“I would have thought,” Joe said, “that you’d be more respectful.  You of all people, Pa.”

Ben stared at them.  “I just – all of you were…”

Their expressions did not budge.

There was nothing for it but to seek a dignified retreat.  “Excuse me,” Ben said firmly.  “I’m going to go check on the horses.”  And he went, trying to ignore the conversation resuming behind him.