Summary: Joe is coming of age and is becoming quite the ladies man. This is just a short story of how Adam and Hoss tamed the wild beast within, but knowing Joe, it certainly won’t be for long.
It’s a short story, but comes from the heart. It was written when I lost my sister to cancer and needed a good laugh.
Rating: K+ 1700
All But One Sense
Adam Cartwright stood outside the entrance to the barn as music played loudly behind him. Couples were dancing and celebrating the coming of spring, but Adam’s mind seemed preoccupied on something else; or rather someone else…his younger brother, Joe.
Adam and Hoss had received warning from their father to keep a close eye on him. The youngest Cartwright, now barely 17 years old, had a way of finding trouble. Not trouble with the law mind you, but trouble in just about every other sense.
In the past year, Joe had developed a keen eye for romance and started charming the ladies. At first, Adam and Hoss found it amusing. Joe would saunter up to a young lady and tip his hat and flash a magnetic smile.
“Excuse me, but don’t you know me from somewhere?” He would politely ask.
The woman would then naturally respond, “No, I don’t think so young man.”
Joe would counteract. “Oh, that’s right. I’ve met you only in my dreams.”
This would bring a slight reddening to the fair lady’s cheeks and produce a nervous giggle.
“My name is Joe Cartwright, and you are?”
The name would be given and then Joe would bring himself nearer, usually leaning against the building or post. He’d eye her up and down and then look deep into her eyes.
“Why don’t we go inside and have some lunch together.”
Usually somewhere around here is where the woman’s attached would intervene.
“Why don’t you mind your own business, kid?”
Instead of politely tipping his hat and walking away, Joe’s mouth would spout off something witty and a fight would be eminent.
Hoss and Adam at first would jump right in and drag Joe away unscathed. As this routine became more prevalent, however, they would watch for a little a while, allowing their brother to absorb a few punches, before stepping in to save his hide.
The next day, they’d find him back at it again, charming a new woman that happened to pass his direction. How bad was Joe’s escapades with the ladies? Well, in the past few months he had courted fifteen; eight of which were ended by fights that one could safely say that Joe lost. Fights that Joe felt he would have won if his brothers would have stayed out of the picture and left him alone.
It had grown customary for everyone to see Joe sporting a black eye. It was almost as common as seeing him wearing his green jacket and hat. Their father was aggravated and annoyed by his son’s constant love affairs. He bogged Joe down with jobs around the ranch, but Joe found a way to get all them done and still have time for romance.
After much pleading, and a week of good behavior, Ben allowed Joe to go to the dance under one stipulation: he must promise to stay within sight of his brothers. Well, Joe kept this promise for barely five minutes before ditching the two of them rather easily.
He gathered a group of his friends together, who then in turn, persuaded a group of young ladies to accompany them to a nearby grassy opening. It was Hoss who first discovered them there, sitting in a circle. A young boy and girl stood in the middle of this circle. The boy was blindfolded. Hoss remained hidden.
“Okay everyone, we’re ready,” Joe spoke out. “Now say in unison…”
“There’s someone in the circle standing a few feet away, Use all but one of your senses to discover who your true love is today.” The crowd did as they were instructed.
Then they fell silent as all eyes watched.
“I choose to hear. May I hear your voice?” the blindfolded boy spoke out.
The girl responded by saying, “hello,” in the goofiest voice she could muster. This brought a round of laughter from the crowd.
“I choose to smell. May I smell your perfume?”
The girl stepped close and the boy inhaled deeply.
The crowd then chanted: “You must now use touch. Touch the lips of your true love and then tell us her name.”
The boy and girl kissed and then the boy said,
“My true love is Harriet.”
Everyone laughed and said, “You may use your sight to unveil your true love.”
The boy took off his blindfold to discover it wasn’t Harriet, but Rhonda his sister. Everyone laughed as the two sat down.
“Okay, who’s next?” Joe was eager to keep this game going. Hoss had seen enough. He quickly came back to the barn and found Adam.
“Did you find him?” Adam questioned.
“Yep, they’re over in the field playing a kissing game of sorts.”
“A kissing game,” Adam asked. “What sort of game is it?” Hoss explained what he had witnessed and it didn’t take long for Adam to know exactly the game they were playing: “All But One Sense.”
A wry smile came upon his face as his eyes danced to the music still playing behind him.
“Do you want to have some fun, brother?”
Hoss knew his brother had a plan and simply answered, “Sure. What do we gotta do?”
It took Adam and Hoss about 5 minutes to gather what was needed. They quietly made their way back to the field. Joe and his friends were still playing the game. They had just finished another round. This game had one catch to it, if you guessed right; you got to stay in the circle until you guessed wrong.
“Hey, Joe, When are you going to let someone else have a turn?” Joe’s best friend Mitch asked.
Everyone else muttered in agreement. “I can’t help it if I have keen senses, boys, but I see your point. This will be my last time so watch closely fellers. Perhaps you may learn something from the master.”
Mitch just rolled his eyes and then helped Joe with the blindfold. Adam and Hoss approached from behind holding their fingers to their lips to make sure no one let Joe know they were there.
Hoss had something slightly squirming under his arm and everyone had to muffle their laughter as they realized what he was carrying. They didn’t want Joe to detect any foul play.
“Are we ready?” Mitch asked. Okay everyone together: “There’s someone in the circle standing a few feet away, Use all but one of your senses to discover who your true love is today.”
“I choose to smell. May I smell your perfume?”
Adam stepped close and allowed his brother to sniff his aftershave. Joe scrunched up his nose at first. “It smells familiar but I can’t place who it belongs to just yet.”
Muffled laughter could be heard from the crowd.
“I choose to hear. May I hear your voice?”
This time it was Hoss’s turn. He raised his voice several octaves and yelled “Woo-hoo, I’m over here.”
Everyone laughed out loud at hearing this big man speak in such a high pitch squall.
The crowd then chanted: “You must now use touch. Touch the lips of your true love and then tell us her name.”
Joe leaned forward and puckered his lips. Hoss stepped up and held out the object he had tucked under his arm. Joe’s lips fell upon it as he provided a deep and meaningful kiss.
“My true love is Rebecca.” Joe stated.
Everyone burst out laughing. Those that were able to speak between wails of laughter said, “You may use your sight to unveil your true love.”
Joe whipped off his blindfold expecting to find his beloved Rebecca. Instead he found his two brothers standing in front him holding Petunia, a 2 month old pig. Rebecca stepped up to Joe immediately, planting a firm slap upon his cheek.
“How dare you think I’m a pig,” she sharply said, and stormed off in the direction of the barn.
Joe was stunned. He looked over at his two brothers as if to say, “What should I do now?” Adam and Hoss were still laughing, but Adam could tell what his brother was thinking.
“Sorry Joe. We’ve decided to leave this one alone.”
Joe stood with eyes wide and mouth gaping, “But…”
“Now it seems I remember someone telling us to mind our own business, brother?” Hoss stated.
“Yes, I seem to remember that, too, Hoss. I’m afraid you’ll have to fight this battle alone, Joe.”
Joe’s temper was beginning to rise.
“That was a dirty trick. I oughta…”
“You ‘oughta’ go after your girl if you know what is good for you, Little Joe. Pa ain’t gonna be too happy when we report your behavior to him you know.” Hoss was always the caring one that liked to point out the obvious to his younger brother.
“Yes, I see many extra chores in your future and much less free time to court.” Adam folded his arms and gave Joe that knowing smirk.
Joe pursed his lips together in disgust, but he knew his brothers were right. He turned and ran off in the direction Rebecca had gone leaving everyone to have one more good laugh at his expense.
Hoss waited until Joe was out of sight before turning towards the squealing pig in his arms, ““Excuse me, but don’t you know me from somewhere?”
Adam fluttered his eyes and brought his hand up to his chest in a feminine manner. “No, I don’t think so young man.”
Hoss let out a round of laughter before holding the pig up in such a way that he could look deep into its eyes. “Oh, that’s right. I’ve met you only in my dreams.”
Adam slapped Hoss hardily on the back as the two walked away laughing, obviously quite pleased with themselves.
Oh brothers! They sure can be sneaky. Maybe, just maybe, Joe might pause the next time he tries to court a lady.
Oh the dirty tricks brothers play! And, that little gal didn’t deserve him … or maybe she did! 😉
Cute and funny story 🙂
It was not fair to poor Joe, But it was pretty funny. Thanks
Poor Joe! It was not fair!