Staying for Supper (by DBird)

Summary:  Coming home is hard. Staying is even harder…  

Rated: K+ (12,330 words)

Waiting on the Wolf Series:

Waiting on the Wolf
Staying for Supper

 

Staying for Supper

* A sequel to the story, “Waiting on the Wolf.”

 

“What do we do now?”

Joe was leaning back in his saddle when he asked the question, with his leg hooked over the saddlehorn. For all the world, he looked like a young man without a care in the world, and if Adam didn’t know better, he could leave it at that. But he did know better. Joe only looked like he cared less, because he cared way too much. What do we do now? A lot was riding on those five indolent words. 

It had been a good week. A successful hunting trip, even if they’d failed at just about everything. Their pa had sent them off to find a wolf that had been preying on their herd… maybe find each other while they were at it. They not only failed to kill the wolf, they actually never even found it, but they were all right with all that. They were all right with just about everything during the week they camped out in the high desert – cups of bitter, hot coffee drunk before the frost evaporated off the granite boulders that surrounded them, the smell of dust and animal musk from the horses in the late afternoon, the quiet spaces of the night. Time had passed, and much of it was slow time, which was a good thing. They’d come a long way from their first trip to Montpelier Gorge, but neither was in that much of a hurry to get back home again. 

Adam was staring at the road ahead and hadn’t managed an answer to his brother’s question. So Joe asked again, this time with an edge of impatience. “What do we do now, Adam?” 

“We go home,” Adam said, and he took another drink out of his canteen. “We go home, we get back to work. We start over, Joe.”

Joe rolled his eyes at the reasonable answer, before leaning way over to swipe the canteen from his brother. “Just wish it was that simple,” he said, before drinking. “I also wish we brought something else to drink besides water. Next time, I do the packing, big brother.”

“You don’t need anything to drink besides water,” Adam said dryly. “And it is that simple, believe it or not. You just go home.” 

Adam took his off his hat and pushed his hair out of his eyes. The wind was blasting across the flint rock that surrounded them and stirring up the dust, and he praised God that they were almost off the windy upland ridge, back to the pines and the blessed shade. Lord almighty, it was hot at midday. It made him long for the dark library in the flat he had rented in Philadelphia. The shelves of dusty hardbound books had been his favorite part of living back east for two years, the hardest thing for him to let go of. He’d carried the memory of those stories home with him, but it wasn’t the same. Now, the dust from the trail lodged in his throat and made him reconsider his decision to come home again. Adam had always been regarded as a man not native-born. He knew the hands talked behind his back, and he did his best not to care. This land was as much a home as he would ever know, but it wasn’t entirely his. He was not like Joe who had been born to this kind of life, a true child of the West. It had never been the same for Adam. There would always be a bit of the stranger about him. 

But Joe was looking to him. Even after all this time, Joe still thought his big brother had all the answers. 

So Adam said, “All right, you want to know what we do next. So, I’ll give you a more complicated answer. Let’s say we take the next twenty miles slow and easy. We can cool off before we ride home, take a swim in the lake. With any luck, Pa and Hoss will still be out, so you and I can lead the horses into the barn and give them the best rubdown they’ve ever had for getting us this far. We might get into the house before they get back, and then Hop Sing can gripe at us for not bringing him anything back after being gone hunting for a week. When Pa and Hoss get back, they can ask us what we did all week.”

Joe grinned ruefully. “We won’t have a good answer, will we? Guess we pretty much failed at this hunting trip. Ain’t bringing home a jackrabbit’s foot, let alone that damn wolf.”

Rolling his eyes, Adam scoffed, “Bring home the wolf? I’d have been happy to get a look at him. I swear he knew what we were going to do before we did…”

“We were close. I could feel him. I’d have waited him out, if it were up to me.” Joe said it like he meant it.

Adam regarded him skeptically. Joe had never been the patient sort, and he couldn’t imagine him waiting anything out. The little brother he’d left behind would never have been able to stand it. In fact, Joe’s impatience was part of what led to the shooting accident that indirectly led to Adam leaving for Philadelphia and Joe leaving for who knew where…Yet, a whole lot had changed during the two years he’d been away. Adam was only now beginning to learn how much.

“You could be waiting a long time, Joe,” he said lightly.

“I’m all right with that,” Joe said. “Waiting’s a hell of a lot easier than getting on with it.”

“You gotta go home some time,” Adam said. “Everybody does.”

Adam immediately regretted saying it, because Joe looked so unhappy. He hadn’t seen his brother look like that since they’d first talked around the campfire. It had been a good talk, but a hard one – the beginning of an understanding between the two of them that had been a long time coming. 

But Joe said, “You have no idea how many times I’ve come this far and turned back. What can I do to make things right?”

Adam leaned over as far as he could and patted the pinto’s neck. “You can stay for supper. That’s a start.”

Unexpectedly, Joe grinned. “I can do that,” he said. And with a bit of his old swagger, he added, “Beat you home!”

With that, Joe kicked his heels to the pinto’s flanks and was off in a commotion of flying dirt. Adam tried to track him through the dust he stirred up, but his kid brother was already down the road and out of sight. 

At least, Adam noted dryly, Joe was headed in the right direction. That was somewhat of an improvement. 

Adam understood – it was hard to go home again. His own future was set at the Ponderosa. Call it his birthright. He was the oldest son, the responsible brother, and his father’s dependable heir. Even so, Adam felt the pull of the road that led to anywhere unexpected. That familiar temptress, wanderlust, still flirted with him every now and then. But, this time, he said no. No more drifting, no more wandering and wondering what else was out there. Like Joe, he needed to deal with the here and now, not some dream shimmering on the horizon. Adam ran his hands, already calloused from physical work, through his hair and tried to remember that the Ponderosa was his dream too, just as much as it was his pa’s.

But the wind was blowing hard, and Joe was getting ahead of him. And Adam wasn’t about to let his little brother beat him home. His own horse was pawing the ground, bobbing his head up and down, impatient to get going. 

“Home, boy,” Adam said, almost to himself more than to his horse. He flicked the reins and grinned as hard as his brother, as the old surging thrill of the chase kicked in. Adam Cartwright rode all the way home without looking back at all.

********

“He stayed through supper.” 

Hoss said it awestruck, like the idea had just occurred to him. As if they all hadn’t been on the edge of their seats, waiting for Joe to make his inevitable exit. When he’d stayed all the way through supper and dessert and even for coffee, it was nothing short of a miracle, as far as Hoss was concerned. They were about due. It always chipped away at their pa’s heart every time Joe left early like he could hardly get away fast enough. But something had changed. What Adam and Little Joe had been doing for a whole week, Hoss couldn’t say. They hadn’t brought back a wolf. Hop Sing didn’t let them forget that they hadn’t even brought back any venison or a couple rabbits, for that matter. But they’d caught hold of something. That much was sure.

“Yes, Joseph did stay for supper,” Ben replied from his favorite chair, staring pensively at the fire. The other two had just gone upstairs early for bed, and the room already felt empty without them. Then Ben smiled and added, “He even had dessert. Joseph seemed… easier… don’t you think, Hoss? Both of them did. Content. I can’t put my finger on it…”

Yes. Contentment was the difference Hoss had seen in his brothers. In fact, they were downright cheerful despite not having caught a lizard for all the time they were gone. They’d only been gone a week, but Hoss had been missing his brothers for so long that a week shouldn’t have made a difference. But it did. 

It had been a long day’s work, but he and his pa finished up early. That turned about to be a good thing, because it meant they were home when his brothers bounded unexpectedly through the door. Adam was ribbing Joe that he’d beaten him home, even with a head start, and Joe slammed the door behind him. Instinctively, Ben told his youngest son not to slam the door, even before he said, “You’re home!”

Hoss didn’t remember ever being so glad to hear a door slam! His brothers’ trip to Montpelier Gorge had been Pa’s idea, and Hoss wasn’t the least bit sure it was a good one. He’d half expected one of his brothers to come home bloodied and battered, like Joe had been the first time they’d gone off chasing down a wolf. Adam and Joe weren’t the only ones affected by that terrible day. Hoss could still remember Joe’s blood, warm and tacky between his fingers as he carried his little brother up the stairs to his room. Adam had been right behind him, and Hoss could almost smell the fear and guilt on him. He hated Montpelier Gorge. Hoss had almost lost both his brothers to it.

But his brothers were back, healthy and almost whole. Joe had grinned and allowed himself to be lifted off the ground in a bear hug by Hoss, and he shook hands with his father.

Adam stood aside with an odd smile on his face. He said, “Pa, you raised a pack of mighty pathetic wolf hunters, but you were right. It did turn out to be a wolf. We just couldn’t catch him. Hopefully, we hounded him out of the territory.”

“I’m sure you did what you could,” Ben said warmly, and Hoss could see his pa’s eyes soften. Both of his boys were home, and who knew? Maybe they were really home this time…

Hoss looked at his pa. He had spent so much of his life looking at his pa’s face, it was much more familiar to him than his own. For a long time, it had been the two of them at home, and yet Hoss was glad to have the moment alone. They hadn’t talked much while Adam and Joe were gone. Some things were best left unspoken, but other things needed to be said. Hoss reckoned that it was time to start saying some of those things. 

“I reckon they’re bout tuckered out,” Hoss said. “Been a long day.”

“A long week,” Ben said, reaching for his pipe.

“Yes, sir.”

They were quiet a while, then Hoss said, “You reckon they caught anything all that time and just ain’t tellin’ us bout it?”

Ben thought for a good long time before he spoke. The worry lines around the corner of his eyes were softer in the firelight. “Hoss, they caught something,” he said. Then he smiled. “Don’t ask me if it will keep.”

Hoss persisted. “But you think it will?”

“I do.” Ben took a long sip of his brandy.

“How do you know?” Hoss was sitting too close to the fire. He could feel its heat against his face but didn’t back off.

“Call it a gut feeling. Faith. Sometimes, a father has to believe things are going to turn out all right. Sometimes, a brother has to do the same. Just wait,” he added gently.

Hoss set back in his chair, feeling put out. Glory Hallelujah, he was tired of waiting for his brothers! When did a man get to stop waiting? He had a life to live, same as they did. He’d been trying to court Laura Milner for the better part of the year, and he wouldn’t be dang surprised if she didn’t know it! That’s how much attention he’d put into it. Well, he was ready to move on with his life, with or without his brothers.

Hoss was ready to say so, when he looked up and saw his father studying him with such compassion, it took him aback. Just like that, he broke out of his swelling self-pity and deflated a little in his chair. Lordy, how he missed his brothers! He missed the four of them laughing together and spending time as a family. How he wanted to believe!

“It’s hard, Pa,” he confessed. “I want to believe that things are going to work out, but I just don’t know any more.”

Ben stood and placed his hand on his son’s shoulder. Hoss could feel all the strength of his pa’s convictions in that soft touch.

“Listen to me, son,” he said. “I know you can do it. Believing is your gift, your God-given gift that nobody can take away. But, I want you to get on with your life, you hear? Trust your brothers to do the same.”

Sometimes, Hoss wondered if his father had the ability to read minds, he came so close to knowing what he was thinking. It was at once reassuring and disconcerting. His brothers’ closed doors were shadowed at the top of the stairs. It was hard for him; he was meant to be a family man, but Hoss knew he had to let his brothers go. They’d do what they were going to do, and he would do the same. It was time to get on with his life, even if it was apart from his brothers. Come Sunday, Hoss would make sure that Miss Milner knew he was sparkin’ her good and proper. He would ask her to the picnic after church and would carry her basket all the way to the river. His brothers would be there too, and if they joshed him about it, then he would blush, warn them to quit it, and take it as a blessing. After all, it would mean they were paying attention.

********

“Tell me again how this happened.” Sarah’s voice cut into the early morning quiet of the boarding house room. 

It was just the two of them again. Joe hadn’t been coming around nights like he used to, but he had a habit of arriving with the sunrise, waking her up way too exuberantly, like an irritating puppy. Some mornings, after a long night of entertaining a bunch of rowdy miners, she was sorry she ever gave him a key. That’s what she told him, anyway. Said she was going to take the key back, unless he started respecting her right to a decent morning’s sleep. Then he would hang his head but look at her with those eyes. And she never did take the key back.

On this particular morning, he’d come in less exuberantly, but it didn’t take long for her to wake up when she took a good look at him. He’d been expecting her to be a little surprised. Joe knew what he looked like, because he’d seen his face in the entry mirror before he’d snuck out of the house. His pa would have his hide if he knew his son was out riding so soon after getting a doctor-verified concussion. That’s why Joe had snuck off, riding hell-bent, all the way to town. He’d been missing Sarah Jane Cooper so bad it made his head hurt. Of course, everything was making his head hurt …

“Tell me what happened to you, or I promise you, Joe Cartwright, it’s over between us.”

Joe raised an eyebrow, despite the fact that doing so daggered pain behind his eyes. He’d expected Sarah to be concerned but not angry. It was a strong reaction, given that they had been so careful with each other, ever since he had come back from Montpelier Gorge. However, Sarah’s typical Southern drawl was more iron than honey. She meant it this time. Joe swallowed. Time to get it over with.

“I fell off a cliff in a shootout with some rustlers.”

There. He said it and tried to nonchalantly cross his arms, forgetting that he’d cracked a couple ribs in the fall. He winced. 

Joe figured he’d said enough and was in the process of easing himself onto the bed, when Sarah retorted, “I’ll have you off my bed, Joe Cartwright! You can’t tell me you fell off a cliff and expect me to say, ‘But of course, you fell off a cliff,’ and offer you a cup of coffee. And rustlers? What rustlers? Sit up, and don’t tell me you can’t sit up! You rode all the way here, and I’d expect you can stay awake long enough to explain what happened.”

Damn, she was pretty when she was angry… He’d never seen her that way. Too bad he was too tired to appreciate it. Lying down was looking like a real good idea. Joe was awfully tired, and his head was pounding something fierce. For once, it occurred to him that his pa and the doctor and his brothers might have had a valid point in suggesting that he stay in his own bed a little longer. Yet, all he’d been thinking about while he was falling off the cliff was how disappointing it would be if he never saw her again. It was almost reason enough to work harder at staying alive.

He sat on her upright chair instead and tilted his head back against the wall. “You look nice,” he said with a sleepy smile, and closed his eyes, groaning when she shook his shoulder. Hard.

“Don’t you go to sleep,” Sarah threatened sternly, “or I’ll tell the doctor you’re here. Tell me what happened. Now.”

Joe kept his eyes closed, but he started talking. He’d been around his pretty Sarah long enough to know that she said what she meant. It was one of the things he appreciated the most about her. That honesty. So he started talking, telling his story. 

“You see,” Joe said, “it happened this way…”

Pa, Adam and Hoss had gone out before sunrise to check on the small herd that was grazing along the eastern ridge. They’d asked him to work with them, but Joe had stayed to cut out the calves from the main herd for branding. Harry Bradshaw was working with him, and Joe had to admit it felt good to be out from under the watchful eyes of his family. They meant well, and Lord only knew he’d been trying too, but they were all working so hard to be a family again during their time off work, it made relaxing absolutely exhausting.

Joe had wasted a lot of the past two years; he pushed off from his family with guilt over Adam leaving and had a spent a lot of time mired in confusion over what had happened with the shooting accident with the wolf. He couldn’t account for a lot of his time during those two years, and having Adam back made the time that he was gone seem unreal. Sometimes, Joe checked on his big brother before he headed out in the early hours before dawn. He wanted to be sure that Adam hadn’t decided to leave again. Yes, Joe was glad things were back to normal.

He’d been drifting through. But his life hadn’t been all bad. There was Sarah. And something inside Joe had taken to being a little bit aimless. He’d always been ornery – everyone said so, and he’d been finding that trail life, with its hard work and high spirits, suited him better than he would have imagined. He liked hanging around with the other men. Since he’d come back from the second hunting trip with Adam, Ben had been gently pushing him toward jobs that came saddled with more responsibility. Just as gently, Joe had been pushing back. By coming home every night and spending time, he was trying to give his family something of what he owed them, but he also had the feeling that he owed himself something too.

Joe Cartwright – the boss’s son – that honorary title sometimes felt like it should belong to someone else. His brothers maybe. Joe wasn’t sure he could take it on. His life had gotten… complicated. Joe loved the Ponderosa, and he didn’t want to hurt his father any more than he already had, but he was surprisingly satisfied with finishing his job at the end of the day, picking up his wages on Friday, and finding his way to his girl, whenever he could make himself scarce. It wasn’t a bad life…

“Damn, Cartwright, you ain’t listening to a word I’m saying!” Harry Bradshaw was swearing at him, and Joe looked up guiltily. His friend was the kind who talked so much, folks hardly listened. Joe liked his company, largely because it was rarely required that he talk back. He usually didn’t have to listen. So it was true. Joe hadn’t been listening to a word the man said.

Instead, he’d been wiping off his forehead with his bandana, dreaming of the concoction the cowhands in the bunkhouse would be passing around that night – whiskey mixed with blackberry juice. It went down real nice, and he still had some of his paycheck to wager. Little by little, Joe Cartwright was coming back to life. He was looking forward to things again. The round-up was a couple weeks away, and he’d been looking forward to the time with the other men, sitting around a fire at night, with the stars all around… singing bawdy songs until the moon was on the other side of midnight.

Joe had always loved the process of taking cattle to market – from branding, working the round-up, and then the drive itself… it was everything he loved about his way of life. He was born to be a cowboy, and he worked hard, played hard, and barely had enough money to cover his tab at the bar. It wasn’t what his pa wanted for him, and Joe knew he’d disappointed Hoss many times over, but it was almost enough. Adam seemed to understand. It was strange how so much ambition had leaked out of Adam while he was in Philadelphia. Before, he’d always latched onto an idea and had been intense enough to be unbearable until he’d completed it. Something had changed in Adam. Even though he didn’t really understand, it made his big brother much easier to be around.

But then Bradshaw scowled, “And you still ain’t listening to me!” And he shoved his friend off the fence he’d been sitting on. Joe landed on his backside in the mud, and the cowhand spit a wad of tobacco at Joe’s boots, which got his attention good and quick.

Clenching his fists, Joe said sarcastically, “I’m listening now.”

Bradshaw was a raw-boned block of a man, rougher and ruder than some men, yet grounded in a way that made life seem sturdy and predictable. Ben didn’t approve, and Joe suspected that his pa had searched for ways to fire the man during the first year of the friendship. After a while, Ben seemed to give up and stopped trying to talk Joe out of surrounding himself with Bradshaw and other young men who worked hard, lived hard, and often made the impossible look effortless. A man’s reputation was set by the company he keeps. That’s what Ben liked to tell him. Some reputations were earned; others came a little too easy. Joe’s reputation had slid out from under his pa’s authority too far to do much about it.

“I was telling you that this is our chance… tonight’s game is going to be the big one. It’s perfect timing. Your old man’s paycheck’s burning a hole in my pocket. If you back me, Cartwright…”

But Joe wasn’t listening again. Even as he got to his feet, Bradshaw’s talk about Joe’s “old man” cast his thoughts back to his family. Ah, the old guilt again. Joe had wanted to make things up to them, he really did, but he still wasn’t doing a good job of it. On the ride home from the hunting trip, Adam had told him to begin making amends by staying through supper. So, Joe had done that – hell, he’d probably stayed through a couple dozen suppers since then, and he could honestly say things were getting better. But for how long he’d be able to keep things going – well, that was another story…

“Joe! Joe Cartwright!”

He’d been falling asleep sitting up. Joe opened his eyes and stared at glaring Sarah, who tossed his hat into his lap.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, bewildered, the pounding in his head taking over the memory of the morning at the branding pen. Good Lord, his head hurt, enough that he could hardly think. “What happened? What did I do?”

Sarah threw her hands up, exasperated. “You haven’t said a word about how you got yourself in a middle of a shootout and fell off a cliff! All you’ve done is talk about Harry Bradshaw and poker and staying through supper. Joe, I was up half the night dancing at the Lucky Seven. I just don’t have this kind of time.”

“Oh.” Joe rubbed his hands vigorously through his hair and tried to rattle up his thinking. “It wasn’t really a big deal, sweetheart. I was listening to Harry talk about the big poker game, and then Hoss rode up and said they’d caught up with the Brown Brothers. I rode out with him, but Adam and Pa were already having it out with them by the time we got there. Adam had a shot fired right through his favorite hat, but it missed his head all right. But you know, he did bring that hat back all the way from Philadelphia. Pa was awfully mad about it. He’d had his sights on the Brown Brothers since last spring, but this was the first time he’d been able to track them down. I decided to climb to the top of the lookout to get a better look, but lost my grip half way to the top.” Joe stumbled over to the bed and lay himself carefully down. “Guess the shoulder got to me again. Acts up at the worst times.”

“Well, what then happened next?” Sarah crawled into bed next to him, despite her determination not to. He was battered and beautiful – sunlit – lying on her bed. She tenderly touched his bruised cheek and raw boulder-scraped hands.

Joe was falling asleep. The touch of her hand was warm and sweet, and her down pillow was so soft. He felt like he could disappear into it. He mumbled, “We won. They lost. What did you think?”

“You act like it’s nothing,” she said softly. “Life, death. You could have been killed. How can you take it so lightly?”

Joe was drifting into dreams about the upcoming cattle drive. It was a hell of a lot better than his old dreams about that wolf. He was glad that, at least, was behind him. The air was warm and heady, the trail ahead of him, his past behind him. It felt like unbearable freedom, like the world was a complete unknown. Yet when he turned his head, his pa and brothers were at his side. They were ready to ride…

“What makes you treat life so lightly?” Sarah asked again, jostling him before she lost him to the dream. “Why take such chances?”

Joe blinked. “I’m a Cartwright. It’s what we do.” Then, he grinned at her. “If you want to be a Cartwright, you better get used to it.”

With astonishment tinged with disbelief, Sarah stared at him, but Joe was back to dreaming. This time about rustlers and Adam’s ruined hat and all that dang money still burning a hole in his torn pocket…

********

The uppercut had taken Adam by surprise, but this time he was ready. After all, he should be ready. He had thrown the first punch.

This fellow he was fighting – Harry Bradshaw – outweighed him by a good fifty pounds, but Adam had always been a good fighter. Opponents tended to mistake his reserve for weakness, but they only made that mistake once. The next blow hit him hard in the gut, and Adam collapsed to his knees. He could hardly breathe through the pain of it, and he concentrated on short, furious breaths, gritting his teeth all the while.

The cowpunchers that lined the barn were quiet, but Adam could see that some of them were smiling. He imagined that some of them would be collecting bets when it was all over. He doubted many of them had put their money on him winning. To be fair, Adam wouldn’t have bet on himself either. He had no idea why he had gone ahead and taken Bradshaw on. Sure the man had been baiting him every chance he got. But that didn’t explain why Adam had given in to it. His brothers flanked either side of the barn entrance. They weren’t leaving, but they weren’t getting in his way either. That’s how it was with brothers. This was Adam’s fight. 

“Thought you said your brother was tougher than he looked, Joe,” Bradshaw jeered. 

Adam shot a dark look at his little brother, even as he pushed up to his feet. 

“I didn’t say it like that, Adam,” Joe said, wincing, even as Hoss glared at him as well.

Adam used the moment to lunge at Bradshaw, and his powerful right punch caught the man in the jaw. Bradshaw hadn’t been expecting it, and he wheeled against the hay bin and slumped against it for only a moment.

That moment gave Adam the respite he needed to get his breathing and his good thinking under control. He bent at the waist, bracing himself against his knees, panting. He wasn’t in the same shape he used to be. Philadelphia had ruined his stamina. Why was he fighting? Hell if he knew… all he knew was that the man had been spoiling for a fight since he’d returned. At first, Adam had simply ignored him. After all, what did it matter what a hired cowhand thought of him? But it did matter, because he knew that the other men were thinking the same thing even if they didn’t want to risk their jobs by saying it. That was liable to change soon, if Adam didn’t do anything about it. Everyone was watching to see what Adam would do next. Adam wished he knew, himself.

Since he’d gotten back, it was clear that Ben expected his oldest son to step into the running of the ranch. Hoss didn’t want to do it – he’d never wanted it – but Adam wasn’t sure he wanted it either. He wasn’t sure what he wanted, although it made him feel as aimless as Joe to admit it… 

“What’s the matter, Cartwright? Ready to quit? Go back to your books and your fancy talk? That what they teach you in Pennsylvania?” 

Adam was about to commend the cowhand for his grasp of geography, but Joe was already being helpful, saying, “It’s Philadelphia, Harry, not Pennsylvania. That’s where Adam was living before. You got your states mixed up.”

Before Adam could inform his under-educated brother that Philadelphia was actually a city in Pennsylvania, Bradshaw growled, “Stay out of this, Joe. This ain’t no geography lesson. What does it matter where he used to be? It ain’t here. Who needs him here?”

“I do,” Joe said, “and he’s my brother. Leave him alone, and go clean up.”

Adam was surprised to hear the possessiveness in Joe’s voice. That was something he’d missed while away. On the other hand, the last thing he needed was his little brother defending him. Adam wasn’t sure he wanted to be his father’s heir apparent, but he did know one thing. Unless he proved himself with these men, he would end up the “scholar of the Ponderosa” – an amusing curiosity at best. That wasn’t why he came home. Adam had learned one thing in Philadelphia. He wanted to be a part of the world and not just an observer.

“Stay out of this!” Adam sharply rebuked his brother.

Hoss hadn’t been saying much, but he added, “He’s right, Joe. This ain’t your fight. Adam’s gotta handle this on his own.”

With a shrug, Joe took a step back. Good thing too. The kid looked terrible after that fall off a cliff last week. Adam didn’t know what Joe had been thinking, scrambling up the sheer face of that granite wall like that. He might have made it, if he hadn’t turned half way up to fire off a shot at the outlaws. Then something gave – his shoulder maybe – and he’d lost his grip. But when Joe fell like that… the other three of them lost a good decade of their own lives. They were trapped on the other side of the clearing, until Hoss took out the other Brown brother. Improbably enough, when they finally got to him, Joe was alive and grinning and telling Adam, “Hey brother, I got the one who ruined your hat…”

“You ain’t listening to me,” Bradshaw panted, bringing Adam back to the present. He looked up at the barn rafters, beseeching the heavens, “Why don’t none of them Cartwrights ever listen to me?”

The words made Adam smile, despite pain that the tracked across his entire body. 

“I’m listening to you,” he said. 

“Then give up, Cartwright,” Bradshaw demanded. “This ain’t the right place for you, never was. No way a man like you could ever take me.”

Just like that, Adam knew that he wanted to take on the irritating young man more than anything he could imagine. His eye was already starting to swell and the pain in his belly made him nauseous, but he wasn’t so hurt that he couldn’t appreciate the irony of it. Adam had left, disdaining the violence of the West. He’d wanted to go back East. Back to civilization where “a man could live like a decent human being.” That’s what he’d told Hoss. That’s what he had believed. He was leaving that kind of brutality behind him. However, all that civilization concealed a different kind of bloodshed. A man could be killed off from a dagger in his back and not even know it. So much for civilization! Adam came to realize that he preferred the kind of violence he could see coming at him.

Besides, he’d always loved a good fight. 

“You can take him, Adam!” Joe hollered. Bradshaw was a friend, but Adam was a brother. Blood thicker than water – that’s what Pa would say. Adam rubbed his jaw and hoped his tooth wasn’t coming loose. He chanced a look over his shoulder at Joe who was crowded by a pack of cowhands and drovers. He looked like he was one of them, like he belonged there. Ben and Hoss had been so worried about Joe and where he was heading. Adam wasn’t so sure his youngest brother was heading in the wrong direction – it was just a different one.

“I think this fight is over, boys,” Hoss said, glancing worriedly at his older brother. Adam had been planted in the same spot for over a minute, thinking things over. 

“You gonna fight me or not, Cartwright?” Bradshaw frowned, waiting for Adam to make the next move. All that thinking was kind of unnerving in a man.

But a change was coming over Adam Cartwright. He’d never be able to explain it rationally, but for the first time, Adam knew without question that this was where he belonged. A slow, deliberate smile spread over Adam’s face. He knew was physically overmatched by the sweating, bleeding cowhand, but it didn’t really matter. This kind of fight, he could handle.

Adam drew back his fist and threw a decent punch that sent Bradshaw tumbling. He could hear the men cheering behind him, Joe whooping it up, and Hoss ordering them all to stay back. The cowhand scrambled to his feet and spit a tooth into a trough before lunging again. Adam braced himself. It wasn’t going to be easy, but this time he was ready.

********

“Here. I got this for you from the ice house.”

Joe handed his brother a chunk of ice swathed in a linen bandage, and Adam took it gratefully. 

“Thanks. I guess I let things get out of control.”

“About time,” Joe snorted, and then he straddled a chair, facing his brother. “You really handled yourself, Adam.”

Adam sighed and leaned back in his chair. He was glad that Hoss had gone to stall Pa, so he’d have some time to clean up after the fight. His whole body was aching, from head to toe, but he honestly couldn’t remember feeling such satisfaction in a long time.

Joe continued, “It was one of the best fights I ever saw. And I’ve seen a lot of them.”

“I bet you have.” Adam narrowed his good eye. “Tell me something, Joe. Why do you spend your time hanging out with someone like that? I’d think you could do better.”

Joe shrugged. “Everyone thinks I could do better with everything. Sometimes, ‘good enough’ is all right too.”

Adam was quiet for a while and then said, “You’re all right with this, aren’t you?”

Joe turned the chair around and almost put his boots up on the table, but then he checked himself by glancing at the door. Pa could be coming in any minute. “All right with what?”

“The way things have turned out.”

Joe shrugged casually. “Things are good, Adam. They’re all right.”

“And your shoulder? Where the bullet hit?”

“My shoulder’s fine.” Joe thought about it and added honestly, “It hurts sometimes. Gives out when I’m not paying enough attention. Guess I should stop climbing cliffs. That’s life, Adam. I could have gotten shot just as easily last week as I did at the gorge. You can’t control everything, brother.”

Adam smiled and cringed at the pain in his face. “Amen to that,” he said and put the ice back over his cheek. 

“Hey, Adam,” Joe said. “Tell me about Philadelphia. Meet any girls there? Besides Sheila, that is.”

Adam almost raised an eyebrow, before thinking better of it. “How much time do you have?”

“I’ve got all the time in the world.” With a huge smile, Joe stretched out and put his boots up on the table, one after the other. He didn’t even check the front door for his pa coming in. If his big brother had stories to tell, he was aiming to listen…

********

The fall round-up came around before anyone was ready for it. Before being driven to market, the cattle needed to be gathered. They’d had a number of late calves, and what with Adam’s return, there had been many animals that had simply been overlooked during the spring round-up. The beeves were heavy and fat; the spring grasses had been unusually plentiful and had lasted well into the summer. It would be a profitable drive. Everyone said that the Ponderosa should be flush going into the next year.

Even though the days were getting shorter and the nights cooler, the sun was plenty hot enough to work up a good sweat. They’d been working hard that day, cutting cattle from the herd. Ben ordered the other hands to take a break, and then he gestured for Adam and Hoss to follow. They were more than happy to oblige and the three men collapsed onto a patch of shade under a stand of pines.

It was hard work pushing cattle; they’d gotten a lot accomplished in a short time. It was good to work with his sons again. It had been a long time since all four of them had been on a drive. Adam and Hoss were now laughing over some joke about some greenhorn. Grime-streaked and sweaty, they looked happy enough. It was all a father wanted. Knowing his sons were happy. 

Ben supposed things were improving albeit slowly. Early on, Adam had had a rough go of it with the men. Ben cringed, remembering his son’s battered and cheerful face after his run-in with Bradshaw, Joe’s less than desirable friend. Ben had demanded to know what happened. To be honest, he’d have liked an excuse to fire the young man once and for all. But Adam had refused to explain what spurred the fight, Hoss wouldn’t talk if Adam didn’t, and Joe had reassured him, “Adam ain’t no tenderfoot, Pa. You don’t have to worry about him.”

That fight had been over, a month ago. Oddly enough, Adam and Bradshaw seemed to be getting along since then. In fact, just that morning, Ben had overheard the two men comparing harbors on the East Coast. When Ben looked at his son, puzzled, Adam commented breezily, “Geography, Pa. Harry’s got a passion for it.”

Ben shook his head at his son’s obscure comment. There were times when he wasn’t sure he’d ever completely understand his oldest son. Yet, things were getting better. Adam seemed settled. He didn’t exactly fit perfectly into life in the Ponderosa, but he didn’t seem to mind it. 

Ben eyed his oldest two as they sprawled across from him on a bed of pine needles. Adam lay back and tipped his hat over his eyes.

“Don’t understand why Little Joe was all set on going on the night drive,” Hoss started complaining. “Seems to me he’d be better off closer to the chuck wagon.”

You’re better off, closer to the chuck wagon,” Adam shot back, although smiling underneath his hat. “Joe cares about more than food. He needs wide open space to make him easy.”

What did Joe care about? Ben wished he knew. Things were good enough with Joseph that Ben didn’t feel he had a right to complain. However, his youngest son still had a tendency to make himself scarce. The round-up was no exception. With a few of the other cowhands, Joe had requested the job of riding out after the cattle that had drifted away from the main herd. Instead of camping near the chuck-wagon, they’d continue driving cattle in the country ahead of the rest of the outfit. Hoss had been disappointed. He’d been hoping to ride with his little brother. 

“I don’t hardly know why he needs all that space,” Hoss grumbled. “Seems to me he’s got a whole heap of space as it is. Little Joe ain’t around enough to feel reined in.”

“He eats supper with us,” Ben reminded his son gently. “That’s something.”

“Ain’t much,” Hoss said.

Oddly enough, Hoss was more put out by the rift now that his little brother was around more often. Adam said that Joe needed some room to figure things out, the same way he did in Philadelphia. For whatever reason, Joe seemed to confide in Adam, so maybe he had something there. All the same, Ben had been thinking, making some plans. 

Ben had been thinking of them as his “boys” for too long. He knew it was a bad habit, but it was a one to break. It was time to acknowledge them as the capable men that they were. All three of those grown men had stuck with him through hardship and prosperity, and even though they’d all turned out so differently, he was proud of who they’d become. He felt relatively confident that Adam and Hoss would be there to carry on when he was long gone. He wasn’t so sure about Joseph. Ben had always expected Little Joe to be the one who would throw himself into the workings of the ranch. Joe was trying, but he hadn’t made it all the way home. He stayed for supper most nights, although they all knew he slipped out of the house when he thought they were asleep. Joseph went to see the woman in town every chance he got. Ben knew it, and didn’t like it, but his son was a grown man and was entitled to his indiscretions, no matter how ill advised.

“Something wrong, Pa?” Hoss’s voice cut into Ben’s reflecting. “You’re looking a little worn.”

Ben smiled. “Sorry about that. I was just thinking about your younger brother.”

Adam still had his face covered by his hat, but he’d always had a way of knowing when his father was worried. “Pa,” he said. “Joe’s going to be fine. Sowing his oats. Just give him his time.”

Hoss had reached the end of his patience, and he complained, “Well, I’m a’thinkin that he’s got a bumper crop of oats by now. I don’t know what’s so hard bout being round us, but Little Joe’s been makin’ me feel bout as wanted as a wet dog at a church picnic.”

Both Ben and Adam laughed, and Hoss had to grin despite himself. “Well, it’s true,” he added with a sheepish smile. “I just miss him the way he was. Sometimes, I miss you too, Adam.”

Surprised, Adam asked, “What do you mean?”

Hoss shrugged. “I reckon sometimes I want things to go back to the way they were before…” He let his words trail off.

Adam finished for his brother. “The way things were before I shot Joe?”

“Adam!” Ben reprimanded. It was something they still didn’t talk about – the shooting, the wolf. 

“Pa, we’ve got to admit it,” Adam said. “I don’t think it hurts to talk about it. The shooting changed things. I’m different than I was before, and I don’t think any of us would argue that Joe’s different too. I know you and Hoss think all that change was all for the worse, but I’m not so sure.”

“Son, I know that a man has to go off sometimes to figure things out for himself, and I’m glad you were to do that. But, can you honestly say that Joseph has changed for the better? Do you really believe that?” Ben asked. It sounded more like a plea than a fair question.

Gently, very gently, Adam told his father, “Pa, it isn’t easy being the son of an important and impressive man. Everyone expects you to be just as important and just as impressive. They think you’re entitled to it. I don’t think Joe’s decided if that’s the life he’s up for.”

Hoss was mulling it over. “Maybe, Little Joe’s just trying ‘ordinary’ out for size.”

Ben felt like he’d been punched in the gut. Their words hit him hard. It wasn’t something he’d thought about, but Adam and Hoss seemed so sure of this. At some point, they must have felt the same way. He’d believed the legacy he’d built up would last long after he was gone. The Ponderosa was about the Cartwright family together, not about acreage and holdings.

“All this has been for the three of you,” Ben said quietly. He gestured towards the scene around them – the men who answered to his orders, the large remuda of cutting horses, the vast herd that was lowing in the distance. “The Ponderosa doesn’t mean anything without you boys as part of it.”

Adam was on his feet, brushing off dirt and pine needles off his backside. He offered a hand to Hoss who almost pulled him down again in getting up. They each offered a hand to their father, who refused it. 

Hoss said, “Joe will turn out all right. You know he’s your son. He ain’t forgot what you taught him.”

Ben stood, stretching his aching back. “I’ve never asked Joseph or any of you boys, for that matter, to live life on my terms. I would be proud of Joseph no matter what he does with his life.”

Hoss tucked his shirt back in his trousers. “Maybe, it would be a good thing to tell him that yourself, sir. Reckon, Joe’d like to hear from you more than from the rest of us.”

Adam nodded. His two sons walked off to join the rest of the hands at the chuck-wagon. Ben stood alone and watched them go. He’d always prided himself on the fact that he actively controlled every aspect of the massive operation known as the Ponderosa. He’d dreamed of the land long before he ever saw it, and it never occurred to him that his sons wouldn’t do the same. He’d been in charge for so long, it rarely occurred to him that he might need to give up some of that control. Perhaps it was time that he learned to trust his sons. Sometimes, the best way to hold onto a dream was to let it go. Slowly, thoughtfully, Ben Cartwright followed after his sons.

********

“I need to have a talk with you, boys. Adam. Joseph. Hoss.” Ben cleared his throat, obviously uncomfortable, but he continued anyways. “I’ve been thinking for a while, but I’ve decided not to put it off any longer.” 

Ben sat at his desk, his boys fanned out around him. He had papers in front of him – papers that represented his growing assets. They’d finished the cattle drive ahead of schedule, and he was now a little wealthier than he’d been when they started. Sacramento was booming with an influx of settlers arriving daily, and the market for beef had never been more lucrative. They’d had a successful drive and had been well rewarded. And for the moment, the Cartwright family was home together on a chilly October evening. They were on the cusp of winter, but Ben knew to count his blessings.

Adam leaned against the threshold uncomfortably when his father began to pull out legal documents. It was apparent that Ben had not wanted them together to have a celebration. Hoss felt it too and was uneasy. 

“Pa, you’re feeling all right, ain’t ya?” Hoss bunched in closer. “This sounds like somethin’ serious.”

Ben smiled warmly at his middle son. “I’m just fine, Hoss. Just fine. This isn’t about me; it’s about the three of you. I need to talk to you about your future here at the Ponderosa. About your inheritance, really.” 

He glanced at Joe, who almost seemed to be backing out of the room. Everything about him indicated flight. Quick now, reach out to your boy, Ben told himself. You’re going to lose him. He stood, strode across and took hold of his son’s arm. “Stay, Joe,” he said quietly. “Please stay.”

Joe shook his head. That wild look was back, like he was trapped in his own body. Ben could feel the muscles of his son’s arm, tensed and tight. “Pa, I can’t talk about this now.”

Hoss glared at his little brother like he wanted to shake him. “Now, little brother, you’re gonna stay right where you are, you hear? Don’t you owe Pa that?”

Joe looked away, but Adam said quietly, “You need to stay and hear Pa out. Remember what we talked about.”

Joe was outnumbered. “All right,” he said, miserably. 

Ben still gripped Joe’s arm as if worried he might bolt if he let go. “You boys know that the Ponderosa belongs to three of you just as much as it belongs to me.” 

Adam took a step towards his father. “We know that, Pa. We don’t have a problem with that. Things can stay exactly the way they are…”

Ben shook his head. “No, Adam, I don’t think they can.” He turned to Hoss and then Joe. “This is what I’ve decided. I want to give you boys your share of the Ponderosa. Right now. I’ve already talked it over with my lawyer and he doesn’t see anything wrong with it. Basically, what it comes down to is this: I don’t want to wait to give you your birthright. I’ll retain my own quarter share of interest, but I want you boys as partners, not as employees. I’ve held on to too much control for too long.” He looked down, meaningfully at Joe. “At too great a cost.”

“No!” Joe practically shouted the word in the too quiet room and wrenched himself out of his father’s firm grip. “This isn’t right. You’re doing this because of me, Pa, and I just can’t let you! I’m not entitled to the Ponderosa! I haven’t done a thing to deserve it!”

His temper flaring up, Ben thundered back, “I did not come to this decision because of you, Joseph! Are you going to tell me what I can or can’t do?”

Adam quickly sidestepped between them. “Joe, please stop talking; you’re not helping.” Gently but firmly, Adam moved his brother aside. “Pa, we appreciate what you’re offering. I can’t get my mind around it, quite frankly. I also get the feeling that this involves me,” he said gently. “I didn’t leave home because I wanted my share of the Ponderosa.”

“I know that,” Ben snapped, his anger a formidable thing. “Not everything is about the two of you boys. Ask Hoss what he’s managed to accomplish over the past couple years. The sacrifices he’s made… Don’t you think he deserves to be a full partner in the running of this ranch?”

“He does deserve it. Give my share to Hoss.” Joe’s voice was very, very quiet. “I want him to have it.”

At that, Hoss got right in his brother’s face. It took a lot to get Hoss mad, but when he was angry, everyone knew to keep out of his way. He jabbed his finger at Joe’s chest. “Dadburnit, Little Joe, now you better quit that. I ain’t gonna hear it no more. Now you start actin’ like you’re proud of being a Cartwright right now, or dadburnit, I’m gonna give you that whoopin’ you’re lookin’ for!”

Joe squared his shoulders, even in the face of his beloved big brother’s disapproval. His courage had always been tinged with recklessness.

Joe said, “I’ll always hang my hat on being a Cartwright, Hoss. But there are things I gotta get right first. Things I’ve gotta take care of on my own. This isn’t right for me.” He turned to his father. “Pa, I’m not sure I’m turning out all that respectable.”

“Is this about the woman?” Ben asked gruffly.

“Sarah,” Adam said, remembering. “Her name is Sarah.”

“Sarah Jane Cooper,” Joe said, looking at Adam gratefully. “Yes, sir, it is about her, but it’s not just her. I don’t know if I want to run the Ponderosa. The thing is that I don’t know what I want right now, but know I’m not ready for what you want to give me. And it is about Sarah. Pa, I didn’t mean for it to happen, but she’s… important… to me.”

“Is there any reason she shouldn’t be important to all of us then?” Ben leveled his son with the foreboding stare he was famous for – the one that seemed to look right through a man – but Joe was undaunted. “Joseph, I don’t see why this… liaison… should prevent you from making one of the most important decisions of your life. Do you understand what I’m offering all of you?”

Joe met his father’s eyes. “Yes sir, I do understand, and it means a whole lot to know it. I love the Ponderosa. I love it almost more than anything. But I’ve got things I got to take care of, and Sarah is one of those things. You’ve got to trust me, Pa. It wouldn’t look right – me being an owner of the Ponderosa.”

Hoss suddenly spoke up. “You ain’t being fair, Little Joe. You ain’t hardly giving us a chance. What do we care bout things lookin’ right?”

Joe smiled at his brother’s persistence, but he turned back to his pa. “You know what I mean… don’t you, sir?”

Ben was still glaring. “No, I don’t think that I do know what you’re meaning, nor are you making yourself clear. I don’t know what you want for your life. Quite frankly, that’s for you to decide. However, if you have intentions for this young lady, shouldn’t I know anything about it? You have never once introduced her to me or to your brothers.”

Joe replied under his breath, “I don’t know if I’m ready.”

Adam held his breath, and sure enough Ben exploded, “Now you listen to me, young man. It seems to me that you are more than ready. It’s been good and fine for you to come and go as you please, as long as we don’t ask too many questions. Now, I’m asking you again, Joseph. Do you trust me to meet this young woman?”

At long last, Joe was angry. He clenched his fists and stepped forward. “For God’s sake, Pa, you know I trust you. But we all know it’s more complicated than that, so why don’t we at least be honest with each other?”

Hoss got between the two of them really quickly. It had been a long time since any of them had seen Joe’s temper rekindled like that. “You listen to me,” he said, taking hold of his brother’s shirt. “You keep a civil tongue when you’re talking to Pa, you hear me, Little Joe?”

Joe hung his head at that, the fire in his voice immediately extinguished. He would have to add insolence to his personal tally of transgressions. He finally looked up but didn’t meet any of their eyes. “I’m sorry Pa. I didn’t mean to raise my voice to you.”

“It’s all right, boy,” Ben said gruffly. “I just don’t know why you feel you can’t bring this young lady to the Ponderosa.”

Adam stepped forward, his jaw set. “Be honest, Pa.”

The others stared. But Adam didn’t take back the three most disrespectful and daring words he might have ever said to his father.

Ben aimed an incredulous look at his oldest son. “Can you explain what you mean by that, son?” he asked in a voice that was way too civil for comfort.

But Adam didn’t back off. “You’re not being honest with him, Pa. You’re acting like you’d think nothing of Joe bringing Miss Cooper home for Sunday supper and that you can’t imagine why Joe would feel uncomfortable about it. Joe’s been honest with you about all of this. He’s not running off this time. He’s telling you what he’s thinking, and right now, he’s not sure he is ready to own and run the Ponderosa. So tell him what you’re really thinking, Pa. You owe him that.”

Joe turned to Adam desperately, “Pa doesn’t owe me anything, Adam. This is what I was worried about.” He turned to his father. “Can’t you see why I have to step away from this? I don’t want everything falling apart because of me. Look how we’re at each other. Let me work for you, Pa. I’ll be a good hired hand. I can take over the horses. I don’t need anything else.”

Ben’s face was unreadable, granite sheathed like the mountain ridges that surrounded them on all sides. Then he took a closer look at his youngest son. Saw the pain and the uncertainty there. Then he broke. Just a little. He took hold of his boy’s shoulders and made sure he was looking him in the eyes.

“You are more than a hired hand,” he said. “You always will be.”

“I’m still your son, Pa,” Joe said. “Nothing will change that.” 

And Ben’s eyes softened. “Bring Sarah home,” he said. “I’d like to meet her, Joseph.”

Joe didn’t answer. But hardly a second passed before Hoss exclaimed, “Now that’s the best idea I’ve heard! How ‘bout tomorrow for Sunday supper?”

“That sounds fine, son,” Ben said, his eyes not leaving Joe’s for a moment.

Joe held his own and said, “You need to know that I’m not good enough for her.”

“Well, that’s got to be the truth,” Adam cracked, leaning against the fireplace, and the brittle seriousness in the room chipped away a bit, as the four men laughed out loud together.

After that, Joe asked, “Do you really want to meet Sarah?” He looked vulnerable. More so than he had in years. 

“I do,” Ben said.

Hoss was bobbing up and down. He said, “I’ll go tell Hop Sing. He’ll want to get started with chicken and all the fixins. Boy howdy, I can already taste them! Been too long since we had a guest over here anyhow. Come on, Little Joe. You better get yourself into town so you can invite her. She can’t get ready if she don’t know to come.”

“Hoss, do you want to bring the young lady you’ve been seeing as well, Miss Milner?”

Hoss had been attempting to court Miss Milner for the past couple months, but he didn’t think anyone had noticed. He blushed deeply and said, “I don’t think she’d be ready for that, Pa.”

“Well, don’t wait three years unlike someone we know,” Adam advised, lightly.

“Don’t josh with me, Adam,” Hoss warned but turned away, before anyone noticed that he looked mighty pleased.

Joe, on the other hand, still looked like he might run out of the room. “Sarah’s working. I think she’s over at the Lucky Dollar mining camp tonight.”

“Well then, you’ve got further to ride,” Ben said evenly.

Joe was muttering to himself, as he walked towards the door, “I didn’t say, ‘yes,’ to any of this. First, I’m being handed my inheritance and next, I’m riding all night to see if Sarah wants to try some of Hop Sing’s fried chicken.”

But he took his jacket when Hoss handed it to him. Neither Adam nor Ben dared to look in Joe’s direction until he buckled his gunbelt and was out the door with Hoss.

“Don’t slam it!” Ben called out, just as Joe slammed the door behind him.

“Some things never change,” Adam said, with a smile.

“Other things do,” Ben said and he collapsed in the chair behind his desk and ran his hands over his eyes. He rifled through his papers, somewhat absent-mindedly. “Thank you, son, for holding me accountable.”

“Accountable for what?” Adam asked.

“Honesty,” Ben said. “For trying to hold on when I need to let go.”

Adam sighed. “Pa, we’ve all made our mistakes. Even Hoss – all right, I admit I can’t think of any mistakes he’s made, right now. But that’s beside the point. I left for Philadelphia. I knew Joe needed me. I knew all of you needed me, but I was selfish and wanted to go, so I went. You’ve forgiven me for it, and I can’t hold it against myself forever. Obviously, Joe hasn’t led the life of a saint, but he hasn’t gotten it all wrong either. Pa, this has nothing to do with us needing our share of the Ponderosa. This is our life, our mistakes. We’re not going to get it perfect. We need to make the best of it.”

Ben stood. He reached an arm around his son’s shoulders and he smiled. “Then, I suggest we start doing what we do best.”

Curious, Adam asked, “What’s that, Pa?”

“We can have supper with Miss Cooper, for one thing. That’s a real good start.” 

And Ben walked away. Adam stood by himself for a while, thinking it over. He had underestimated his father. There was really no excuse for it. He had a lifetime of experience in knowing what he had to live up to. 

Ben Cartwright had always been an impressive man.

********

Sarah passed the chicken. She did so bravely and only after she’d been asked twice, because she’d never been so terrified in her life. Coming out west had nothing on coming to the Ponderosa to meet the Cartwrights.

“Thank you, dear,” Ben said kindly. He took a drumstick off the platter and passed it to Hoss who enthusiastically claimed his third helping. Joseph had hardly eaten, but Ben could see that he had his hand on Sarah’s knee. 

Adam noticed too. He asked her politely, “How long have you been out west, Miss Cooper?”

Joe reached for her hand and squeezed it. With a little more courage, Sarah replied, “Almost three years. I was going to go back home, until I met Joe.” She smiled. “Then I decided to stay a little longer.”

Almost three years. Ben caught himself on that idea. Three years was far too long for a young man to be seeing a young woman without making his intentions known. Sarah was a pretty girl. There was a spark about her that was familiar, although Ben couldn’t put his finger on it. All the same, he couldn’t keep his eyes off her.

Joe said carefully, “Sarah dances, Pa. She’s a talented dancer.”

Joe’s eyes were on her, and he didn’t see the quiet, cautious looks his brothers were trading with each other, but Ben noticed. They were worried for his sake, but they didn’t need to be. Ben had suddenly remembered why Sarah seemed so familiar. He recalled another beautiful young woman who had danced and had done what was needed to earn a hard living. She’d been reckless with her love. Her son had inherited her eyes…and her reckless ride through life. Oh, Marie, if only you were here to help me through this, Ben thought to himself.

Sarah stared across the table at all of them. “Joe’s been good to me,” she said almost defiantly and only relaxed when no one tried to challenge her. She was afraid, but she wasn’t a coward, having learned to make her stand and hold onto it. Then, she took a good look at the men around the table. Over the years, Sarah had learned to read men’s faces well. She glanced at Joe, and Ben could see her defiance melt away. My God, she loves him, he thought, with a start. The way Joe looked back at her, Ben finally understood that Adam was right. This was not simply a young man drifting. This was not just a phase. Sharing the ownership of the Ponderosa with his sons would not ensure that they followed in his footsteps. They would, indeed, have to find their own way.

There were worse things that could happen. Suddenly, for the first time in months, Ben remembered that terrible night when he’d almost lost two of his sons…

Nobody had bothered lighting the lamp. He came into the yard after a night of hard riding to find strangers tied up in his barn, other strangers, the Reardons, in front of his fireplace, and his youngest son possibly dying upstairs. Adam had been at his bedside, hunched over his little brother, and when he turned around to greet his father, Ben could see all the damage that had been done while he’d been gone. He dropped his coat on the floor, right where he stood. For a terrible moment, Ben didn’t know which son to tend to first, the one racked by fever, moaning on the bed or the one ruined by guilt, standing right before him. Proximity decided it. Adam was closer, and Ben pulled him for an unexpected embrace. Adam pulled back, resisting, but Ben didn’t let go.

“It’s all right, son,” Ben said. He meant it. “Whatever happens, it’s going to be all right.”

Joseph was lying on his bed, tangled in his sweat-soaked sheets. He was adrift with fever, moaning about that damnable wolf. Joseph could be dying. Ben was an experienced father; he knew that the danger was great, infection had set in, and his fever was too high.

“He’s sick, Pa,” Adam said, and for a moment he looked like he might break. But he didn’t.

Ben kept Adam in sight, even as he placed the cold compress on Joe’s forehead. “He’s going to be all right.” Again and again, he said the same thing. “Your brother’s going to be fine. Joseph, just stop all this ado. You’re going to be fine…”

“Ready for dessert, Mr. Cartwright?” 

Ben looked up startled. Hop Sing was standing in front of him, looking terribly satisfied. The platters were empty, every last piece of chicken gone. The meal had been quite the success. Hoss ambled over to the window and squinted out into the night. An October storm was getting itself worked up, early for the season. Already, the wind was groaning against the windows; the branches of the old pine were tapping against the panes.

Hoss said, “I reckon Miss Cooper best stay for the night, Pa. That storm’s coming in something fierce.”

“I’d rather go home,” Sarah said, looking imploringly at Joe.

Joe said immediately, “I’ll take her home. She’ll be safe with me.”

Ben said, “It’s not really safe, Joseph, taking the buckboard in the dark. Wait until morning.”

But Sarah said to Joe. “I know you can do it. You’re good with horses. They’ll trust you.” Then she turned to the rest of them and smiled. “Sometimes you have to take chances.”

To all their surprise, Adam headed for the door and reached for his coat. “I’m coming with you,” he said and shook his head sternly, when Joe began to protest that it wasn’t necessary. “It’s not up for debate, Joe. I’ll ride alongside the wagon. Just in case you have trouble getting home.”

Joe glared at his older brother, before he understood. Things had changed. He was now courting a lady, and no matter what direction he decided to take, he’d better do right by her. His family would see to it.

So Joe nodded at Adam and turned to his pa and to Hoss. “We’ll be back soon. Don’t worry – we’ll be fine.”

“I trust that you will, son,” Ben said quietly, and Hoss gave his little brother such a shove towards the door that Joe almost lost his balance.

“Get going, Short Shanks,” he said. “Iffen you don’t get a move on soon, that wind’s gonna blow the buckboard all the way to Virginia City.”

“Well, we can’t let that happen,” Adam said. He gallantly opened the door, and they felt the cold wind invade the warm room. 

Ben offered his hand to Sarah, and she took it shyly. 

“Have a safe journey,” he said to her kindly. “I hope we’ll be seeing each other soon.”

Sarah was about to walk away, when she turned unexpectedly and whispered, “Your son’s a good man, Mr. Cartwright.” She hurried after Joe and Adam.

Then they were gone.

Ben stood in the great room with Hoss, staring at the closed door. They could hear the wind howling outside. 

“They’re gonna make it back fine,” Hoss said. “Don’t you worry none.”

“Do you believe that?” Ben asked, suddenly unsure. The future seemed so uncertain.

“Yes, sir, I do.” 

“Please, Hoss, tell me how you know.” Ben cloaked his request with humility. He felt like he was losing his faith. He walked to the window and stared out into the stormy darkness. His distorted reflection stared back at him, haloed by candlelight. It had come to him late in life – being forced to accept what he could not control. He’d done what he could, but this was out of his hands. “How do you know they’ll come back to us?”

“We’re a family.” Hoss said, simply. “We gotta believe it.”

It was a hard lesson for a father, and Ben suddenly felt outsized by this son. His middle boy was an impressive man and not because of his stature. Ben suddenly felt foolish for trying to pass on his worldly goods, as if that would be a hold on them. Wasn’t love the only honest legacy?

Ben drew the curtains across the window, said a prayer, and trusted his other two sons to navigate the storm. He turned back to Hoss.

“What do you say?” Ben asked with a smile. “How about a game of checkers while we wait up?”

The End

 

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Author: DBird

One of the most prolific of Bonanza fanfic writers, Dbird has 56 of her wonderful stories here in the Brand Library.

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