Summary: Joe has to say goodbye to a beloved friend

Rated: K (5,965 words)

Time to Let Go Series:

Time to Let Go
Time to Say Goodbye

Time To Let Go

The lamp cast a small arc of yellow light around the stall and cast eerie shadows against the wall of the barn. If Joe had been in another frame of mind he would have reached over to move it closer to him, but instead he just stared into the ever-increasing gloom as he gently wiped the heaving flank of the horse next to him with rhythmic strokes.  His expression was blank as he worked, and his eyes showed an emptiness that came from deep within. His body was hunched over as if in pain, as indeed he was.  Yet his pain came from inside this time and he knew that there was nothing that would make it go away.

He’d felt this pain before.  It was something that had come to him four times in his life now and each time it had become worse.  Each occurrence of it had compounded upon the last until his very soul cried out for relief, even when he knew that there was none to be had. He closed his eyes momentarily as he thought back to those other times and his heart constricted as a wave of emptiness washed over him once again.

His other hand reached out to the animal and he gently patted its neck, as he made quiet soothing noises to it. ‘It’s OK fellar,’ he whispered. ‘It’s OK now.  I won’t leave you Cooch  …. I won’t ever leave you again.’  He felt the moisture spring to his eyes as he saw the animal staring back up at him and he gently smiled down at him. ‘I know,’ he said softly. ‘I know fellar.’  The tears began to run down his cheeks as he sat there bathed in the soft glow of the lantern and he did nothing at all to stop them.

As a child and then a young man Joe had always had his emotions close to the surface and everyone usually knew how he felt about things, but as he had matured into the man he had become now he had grown more guarded in his feelings to the extent that no one except his father could read Joe Cartwright … and there were times when even Ben found it difficult. It was as if the responsibility of running The Ponderosa and the hurts that he’d had to endure along the way had made him retreat from the world and there seemed to be a wall now around Joe’s soul that he allowed few people to see beyond.

‘Joe?’  He wiped his eyes on his sleeve quickly before turning to see Candy standing behind him. ‘How’s he doing?’  asked the man as he knelt down beside him.

Joe shook his head and gave a rueful smile. ‘Worse,’ he said quietly. ‘He’s sinking fast.’

Candy sat in silence beside his friend, his heart aching for the man, yet unsure of how to comfort him.  Close as they were, he respected Joe’s right to solitude at this time and didn’t want to infringe upon it.  Even so, as his heart went out to him he longed to say or do something to make it known how much he felt for his friend. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said simply, knowing that the words didn’t even make an ounce of difference to Joe’s sorrow, yet needing to say something … anything … to break the unbearable silence.

Joe nodded slightly as he continued to rub the animal beside him. ‘Thanks,’ he muttered.

‘Is there anything I can do?  I mean ….anything I can get for you?’

Joe shook his head and then turned away from the other man, not wanting him to see the pain that he knew must be etched plainly upon his face. ‘No thanks,’ he said. ‘I’m just gonna stay here quietly with him.’ Candy nodded, feeling helpless in his ability to say or do something to help his suffering friend. ‘We’ve been together a lot of years,’ Joe said suddenly. ‘He’s been  ….’  His voice caught for a moment and Candy wondered if he would go on. ‘He’s been … a great friend.  Haven’t you boy?’  Joe stroked the horse gently and smiled through the tears that were threatening to fall again. He took a deep breath and willed himself to continue.  ‘I remember when Pa first gave him to me … it was for my twelfth birthday and I was so proud to finally have a big horse like Adam and …’  his voice faltered again and Candy felt the raw pain in his friend’s voice as he uttered the name that he heard him say so infrequently now  ‘ … and Hoss.’

Joe gave a small smile as he remembered. ‘Pa wanted Adam to help me train him, but I wouldn’t wait.’  He chuckled quietly. ‘I always was a stubborn kid you know Candy.  I think that Pa could have throttled me so many times when I was growing up. Anyway, the first time I got on Cooch’s back I just knew that I wasn’t going to need help to train him much.  He and I have always understood each other, even back then.  Adam didn’t have to help me out much at all with him and within days we were riding together as if we had been for years.’ His bottom lip quivered as he struggled to maintain his composure. ‘We were a great pair, the two of us.’

Candy nodded. ‘You sure were,’ he said. ‘Lots of people have always envied you this horse Joe.’

‘I know.  It’s always been Joe Cartwright and his pinto.  People often recognised me by knowing Cochise first, you know.’  Candy nodded, feeling that the talking was doing Joe good. ‘People always expected us to be together.  Lately since I haven’t been riding him so much I know that everyone has felt that things were different.’  He sighed deeply. ‘I’ve felt it myself.  No other horse comes close to this one you know.  He’s more than just a horse.’  He laid his face on the animal’s neck for a moment and smelt his fragrance. ‘I just wish I could have …’  His voice faltered.

Candy put his hand on his friend’s shoulder. ‘You’ve done all you could Joe,’ he said quietly. ‘There’s nothing that anyone could have done.’  He hesitated, knowing what was in the other man’s mind. ‘Even him,’ he said finally.

Joe shot Candy a startled glance as if unsure whether or not to acknowledge the remark and then looked away quickly again. ‘I know,’ he muttered.

Candy decided not to push it.  He knew that Joe was missing desperately the one person who could have made a difference to him right about now, and the knowledge hung in the air between them. Hoss had always been so good with animals and though they both knew that even the big man couldn’t have saved Joe’s beloved Cochise, Hoss would still have been the support to his brother that no one else could be.  The spirit of Hoss at that moment was with them … Candy could feel it … and yet what Joe needed desperately right now was his brother’s physical presence to sustain him at this time.  He felt a deep longing to try to fill that empty space for his friend, yet he knew that it was impossible to do so.

He wasn’t family.  He wasn’t able to help Joe any more than he was doing and the thought of that crippled him inside.  The Cartwrights had been so good to him over the years and he wanted to give something back right at this moment to repay one of them.  Ben had taken him in and given him a new chance at life and for that he would be eternally grateful.  He had never known Adam, yet he sensed that he would have got on with him if he had … or if he ever got the chance in the future.  Hoss had been such a generous person that he couldn’t have helped but be friends with him.  He had developed a great respect for the man and his death had shocked and saddened him deeply.  Jamie was developing into a great kid.  But Joe … Joe was his true and loyal friend and to see him suffering in this way was heartbreaking for Candy to watch.

Joe Cartwright had always accepted him for who he was.  Candy had watched him struggle over the years to overcome the loss of his beloved Alice and Hoss and had admired the way in which the man had stood beside his father to support him through it all even when he himself was grieving.  He admired him for the way he had gently eased the older Cartwright’s burden of running this vast ranch and had done so in a way that was both capable and supportive.  There was a lot of strength in Joe Cartwright and Candy knew that he would survive this latest blow, but once again his friend needed to struggle through it first.

Candy knew that people who didn’t know the Cartwrights well considered them lucky and at first glance he had as well.  After all, they owned this vast ranch and many other rich holdings as well.  The family had done well for themselves in that sense.  Yet behind the public life was a series of heartaches and tragedies that they had had to contend with that no amount of money or prestige could make up for.  Looking at Joe now, Candy knew without a doubt that his friend would have traded every material thing he possessed to be able to have his beloved horse back again.

‘You want me to stay for a while?’ he asked, already knowing the answer as he spoke the words.

Joe shook his head. ‘No thanks.  I just need to be with him by myself.’

Candy tightened his grip on the other man’s shoulder momentarily. ‘I understand,’ he said as he stood up. ‘You know where to find me if you change your mind.’

Joe nodded as Candy walked to the door. ‘Candy?’ he said suddenly.

‘Yes?’ Candy turned at the sound of his name.

Joe looked over his shoulder at his friend. ‘Thanks,’ he said shortly and in that one word put the depth of his feelings for their years of friendship. Candy smiled at him and nodded as he walked outside and towards the house.

Joe turned back to Cochise and began again the rhythmic stroking of the suffering animal.  His thoughts drifted back to the day he’d been talking about with Candy and he remembered once more the thrill of a young boy’s heart as he took his first ride on his very own ‘grownup’ horse.  He bit his lip as he remembered the look of pride on their faces as they watched him, the three of them leaning on the fence smiling at him. ‘Where did it all go Cooch?’ he said softly as he saw once again the smiling faces of his brothers and father that day. ‘Where did it all go fellar?  They’re both not here any more and I need them so much.’

He shook his head as he tried to clear his mind of the painful image. He knew that he should be grateful that he still had his father and he was …. more than he had ever been able to express to the man in these past few years … but their family would never be the same again and he missed it all so dreadfully.  ‘They’re all leaving me fellar,’ he whispered. ‘Even you now Coochie.’  He hung his head and wept bitter tears for the loss of his brothers and the youth that he had once been.

In many ways Joe didn’t feel any different to the young boy that he had been then.  He still felt that sparkle for mischief that Pa assured him would always be in his character.  He still felt the exhilaration for life that would now and then run through his veins for as long as he drew breath.  He still felt admiration for a pretty female face, satisfaction for his work well done and pride in this ranch that he had always called his home.  But other things were gone and he knew that they were now forever lost to him.

Gone was the carefree feeling that he’d once had about life.  There were so many responsibilities now that he had had to take on … especially since Hoss’ death.  His father had seemed to age overnight when it had happened and Joe was the only one who could shoulder things for him to ease the burden.  He had done so without hesitation, but there were times when he longed that there’d been someone else to stand beside him and help.  His face hardened as he thought about whom that someone should be and as always wiped the thought from his mind as soon as it had entered it.  To go down that path was to invite feelings that he didn’t care to admit, even to himself.

He heard a movement behind him, but he didn’t move as he felt a presence beside him.  He knew who it was, just as he’d always known and there were no words that needed to be spoken between them.  Ben sat down beside him and stared first at the sick horse and then at the taut and controlled face of his youngest son.  They sat in silence for a few moments, each acutely aware of the other’s pain.

‘I thought you might appreciate a blanket,’ said Ben finally. ‘It’s going to be a cold night.’

Joe nodded.  He knew that his father understood that he would stay there until the end … no matter how long it took.  The end … his eyes filled with tears again in spite of himself at the thought of it. ‘Thanks,’ he said gruffly in order to mask them.

Ben watched his son’s face carefully and saw the tears that he was trying so desperately to hide.  He shook his head as he thought about how unlike Joe that was and how his son had changed over the years.  The boy inside him was crying out as he always had for comfort, yet the man that he’d become was trying desperately to hide it. ‘Son …’ he said.

Joe’s ministrations to the horse became more insistent and he moved away slightly from his father while he continued to wipe down the horse’s flank. ‘Its OK Pa,’ he said. ‘He’s not suffering much now.  I think he’s beyond it.’

Ben leant closer to his son. ‘I wasn’t thinking about Cochise’s suffering,’ he said. ‘I was actually thinking about yours.’

Joe concentrated on the animal in front of him. ‘I’m OK Pa,’ he said. ‘You don’t have to worry about me.’

Ben said nothing, but put his arm around his son’s shoulders and held on tight.  Gradually he felt Joe lean in towards him, his body melting into the strength of his father in spite of his tough exterior. ‘It’s all right Joe,’ he said softly. ‘You’re allowed to be upset you know.’

‘I’m OK,’ Joe repeated, as if to convince himself of the fact. Ben noticed that he still refused to make eye contact with him. ‘I’m just glad that he’s not suffering much through it all, you know Pa?’

Ben nodded. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘I know son.’  His grip on his son became tighter as he tried to convey to him without words what he was feeling.  He stared at Joe. ‘Joseph …’ he said softly.

Joe took a deep breath and then interrupted his father. ‘I was remembering about when you first gave him to me,’ he said. ‘Remember?’

Ben nodded and smiled as he remembered back to the look on his young son’s face and the boy’s delight with the present. ‘I also remember some of the trouble you two used to get into,’ he said. ‘You never would ride at any less than a gallop would you?  I seem to remember a time or two threatening to take Cochise away from you for a while until you learnt to curb that enthusiasm you rode him with.’

Joe looked at his father for the first time. ‘But you never did,’ he said.

‘I couldn’t have stood the fuss you’d have put up if I had,’ his father said. ‘You were a very emotional boy back then.’

Joe nodded. ‘I remember,’ he said. ‘I was telling Candy earlier that you probably wanted to throttle me a time or two.’

‘A time or two, yes,’ said Ben with a twinkle in his eye. His hand moved from his son’s shoulder to the back of his neck and he began to massage it, feeling the tension beneath his fingers.  He was pleased to feel that Joe didn’t resist the touch in any way.  He wondered how long it had been since he’d been able to touch his son in this way.  Too long, he decided.

When Joe had been younger he’d welcomed his father’s physical touch … he’d sought it out as his first means of comfort … but as he’d grown older and particularly in recent years he’d removed himself from the contact.  Ben knew why, but it still grieved him that he didn’t have the physical closeness with his son that he’d used to and he longed for it again.  He longed for so many things lately that weren’t to be, but at least Joseph was still his and here with him.

He smiled fondly at his son. ‘Joe?’ he said.

‘Yeah Pa?’

‘I’m proud of you son,’ he said.

Joe looked embarrassed and looked down again at Cochise in front of him. ‘Thanks Pa,’ he mumbled.

‘No Joseph I really mean it,’ his father continued. ‘Its at times like this that we should say what’s in out hearts son and during the past few years I’ve really appreciated the way that you’ve …’

Joe put his hand up. ‘Pa please,’ he said in a quavering voice. ‘I can’t … I mean I just don’t think I can take it right about now.’  He bit his lip and hung his head, a sign that his father had always known meant that he was on the verge of tears. ‘I’m sorry Pa,’ he whispered. ‘ But I don’t want to ….’  His voice faltered.

‘Joseph it’s all right,’ said his father. ‘You have the right to be upset son.  You and Cochise have been so close for many years now and it’s only natural that you …’

‘It isn’t just that Pa,’ interrupted Joe in spite of himself. ‘It’s just ….’  Ben waited as his son tried to compose himself enough to finish. ‘It’s just ….’  Joe wiped his eyes on his sleeve. ‘I’m thirty-four years old Pa and I’m crying for a horse, for heaven’s sake!’ Joe’s voice rose, showing his father the depths of his despair. ‘I don’t know …’

There was silence between them … a silence that begged to be broken if only Ben could find the right words to do so.  For so long he’d been forced to stand by and watch Joe grieve his brother’s passing in relative solitude.  So many times he’d tried to reach out to his son, but Joe had closed the wall against his father and pretended that he was recovering from the loss well.  Yet Ben knew better.  He ached to touch the core of Joseph where he knew the hurt still remained, but Joe kept it closed to him as if it were something that he wanted to keep all to himself.  If only Joe would realise that in releasing the hurt it would begin to heal … instead he felt that he had to keep it inside in case it caused his father more hurt by witnessing how he truly felt.  What he didn’t realise was that Ben knew it anyway.

‘You’re not just crying for Cochise Joseph,’ Ben said softly.

Joe stared into his father’s eyes and his face crumpled. ‘I need him so much Pa,’ he said frantically. ‘I miss him so much!’

‘I know son,’ said Ben as he drew his son towards him and rested his head on his chest. ‘I miss him too.’  He hugged his boy to him as Joe’s sobs overcame him and father and son remained in a tight embrace for a long time, their tears falling onto each other’s clothing unchecked. Now that the floodgates of his emotions had been opened, Joe cried with a passion that he didn’t know was in him and he found that he couldn’t stop.  Not since Alice had died had he behaved like this … or before either, and in a way it was strangely releasing.

Joe felt as he had done all those years ago as a small child with his head buried on his father’s shoulder.  He remembered back to that time so early in his life when the first of the hurts had come upon him.  He’d been so small then, in many ways too small to have understood what was happening, but he’d picked up on the emotions of those around him and in his small heart he had felt the aching loss as deeply as they had.

He cried for the mother he’d only just begun to know at the time and the realisation that he’d never get to know her as he would have liked to.  All he had were dim memories of her and there were times that he didn’t even know if the memories were his own or ones that had been planted there unconsciously by his father and brothers. Her death had provided the first scar on his soul and at a very early age.

He cried for his brother Hoss.  The big brother that he had always depended on … the big brother who had always been the rock from which he had drawn his strength.  He had been taken away so suddenly and with him went a part of Joe that he would never be able to get back again. Hoss … He dug his fingers into his father’s shirt and clung to him as he had all those years ago as a child.

Ben stroked his son’s hair and buried his face down into it, noticing with a lurch of his heart the grey flecks that were sprinkled in amongst the brown.  When had Joseph become this man that he held in his arms now?  His heart ached for the little boy again … for all his boys.  One was lost to him forever and one may as well have been, for he had been gone so long now that Ben was beginning to lose the small details of the memory of him. Only Joseph remained of all his boys and the child that his son had been was no more.  In his place was this man who was fast approaching middle age and Ben found it difficult to comprehend.  He closed his eyes as the tears fell from them and pretended that it was Little Joe that he held again in his arms.

Cochise stirred slightly and Joe immediately lifted his head and drew away from his father. He wiped his sleeve across his face and tried to compose himself before picking up the cloth again and going back to stroking the animal. ‘I’m sorry Pa,’ he said quietly. ‘I didn’t mean to let go like that.’

‘Joseph son … please never apologize for your feelings.  I miss him too,’ Ben replied. ‘I miss both of them.’  He saw Joe’s jaw clench at his words. ‘Adam isn’t dead you know son,’ he continued. ‘You do still have a brother.’

‘He may as well be,’ Joe replied in a tight voice as he continued to comfort the sick animal. ‘He doesn’t belong here anymore.  He has made his feelings about his family very plain over the years.’

Ben gave his son a frustrated look. ‘Joe you have to understand the way that Adam …’

Joe pulled away from his father. ‘I do understand Pa,’ he said. ‘I understand more than you think.  He chose to leave and that’s all there is to it.’  Ben heard the bitterness in Joe’s voice as he continued. ‘He’s had many opportunities to come back and he never has.  Even when …’ his voice faltered. ‘Even when Hoss ….’  Joe’s voice faltered again and this time he couldn’t continue.  He hung his head and was silent.

Ben’s heart constricted.  He knew that Joe grieved for Adam as much as he did for Hoss, and in a way the pain of his loss went even deeper. Hoss had never chosen to leave his family … it was something that had been beyond his control … but Adam had made a conscious decision to go, and for that Joe had never quite forgiven him.  Adam’s leaving had left another scar on Joe’s soul that time had not yet healed, even after all these years.

Joe lifted his head and looked at his father. ‘Everyone I love leaves me Pa,’ he said falteringly. ‘Mama, Adam, Hoss, Alice … they’ve all gone.  I just don’t understand …’  He stopped as the realisation dawned on his face as to what he was saying. ‘Oh Pa!  I’m so sorry …. I shouldn’t have said …’

‘What son?’

Joe put his face in his hands. ‘I’m being really selfish Pa … I’m so sorry!  Here I am feeling sorry for myself and yet whatever I’m feeling I know that it’s been so much worse for you.  I mean … as well as my mother you also lost Adam’s and Hoss’ … Alice’s death showed me how hard it is to lose a woman you love and you’ve had it happen three times.’  He gave his father a look of abject pity.  And then … then Hoss,’ he shook his head. ‘I lost a brother Pa, but you … you lost a son and that …’ his voice faltered again.

‘And Adam?’  Ben waited, but Joe said nothing.  ‘One day your brother may return Joseph,’ his father continued. ‘You have to prepare yourself for that eventuality son and think about …’

‘Do you really think so?’ Joe cut across his father. ‘Why would he come back?  He has never bothered before and frankly I don’t see that he ever will.’

Ben hesitated before replying. ‘Joseph one day you will have to face the fact that I will no longer be …’

Joe gave his father an appalled look. ‘No!’ he interrupted angrily. ‘I don’t want you …’

‘Joseph!’  Ben clutched hold of his son. ‘You are going to have to face it one day son and you may also have to face the fact that it may be the very thing that brings your brother back here, even if only temporarily. Nothing would give me greater pleasure, even in death, to know that my two boys are together again here at their home.’

Joe shook his head. ‘No!’ he said and the horse beside him stirred at the sound. ‘No! Not you too …. You can’t!’  He clutched hold of his father tightly and buried his head on the man’s chest again. ‘I couldn’t take it Pa … you’re all that I have left now.’

Ben stroked the curly hair and bent his own head until it was resting on top of that of his son’s.  ‘Joe I have no intention of leaving you just yet son, but there is a time for everything and my time will come … you know that.’  He listened to the man sobbing in his arms. ‘Everyone’s time comes Joseph.  There is a time for letting go of everyone.’

‘Its just so hard though Pa,’ Joe’s voice was muffled against his father’s chest.

‘I know Joe, but it’s part of life.’  He searched for the words to ease his own heart as well as that of his son’s.  ‘We’ve both said goodbye so many times to those we’ve loved Joseph and each time we’ve survived it.  We survive because we have to son and although nothing ever heals the pain completely we know that we will go on no matter how hard it is.’  He took his son’s tear streaked face in his hands and smiled down at him lovingly. ‘We say goodbye and then we move on.  We may take the hurt and the loss with us …. but we do move on.  I wish that you could do that with Adam.’

Joe nodded. ‘I try Pa,’ he whispered. ‘I really do.’

‘Then that’s all I ask Joe.’  Ben looked at Cochise. ‘This is one of those times Joe,’ he said. ‘You’re not just saying goodbye to a friend tonight … you’re saying goodbye to a part of your life that will never be the same without him.  Keep the memory of your good times together in your heart Joe, but let him go now and move forward from here.’  Joe nodded silently as he gazed at his father. ‘You have the Cartwright strength in you son,’ continued his father. ‘It’s what will get you through this.  It’s got us both through before so many times, hasn’t it?’  He rubbed the back of Joe’s neck as his son nodded at him again.

‘Do you want me to stay with you?’ Ben asked. ‘I need to go and check on Jamie, but I can come back as soon as …’

Joe shook his head. ‘No Pa,’ he replied. ‘It’s just Cooch and me now.’  He looked down at the horse. ‘We need some time to say goodbye to each other and we need to do it alone.’  He gave his father a weak smile. ‘I’ll be OK,’ he said. ‘I will … now.’

Ben nodded and pulled the blanket that he’d brought out with him close to Joe. ‘Use this,’ he said. ‘You’re going to need it.’ He stood up. ‘See you in the morning son,’ he said. ‘Wake me if you need to.’

‘Night Pa,’ said Joe as he looked up at his father. ‘I love you.’

Ben smiled, thinking how long it was since he’d heard those words. ‘I love you too Joe,’ he said. ‘I always have and I always will.  Good night son.’

Joe took a deep breath as his father left the barn.  He felt about ten years old again … gone was the tough Joe Cartwright that he showed now to the world and in his place was a scared and unsure boy again.  He lay down next to his beloved horse and patted his neck softly as he murmured to him. ‘I’m here boy … I’m not leaving you …. not ever fellar.’  The horse beside him shifted slightly and then lay still again, feeling the familiar touch that he knew so well begin to calm him as it always had over the years.

Outside they both heard the hoot of a lonely owl in a tree and Joe watched as through the open doorway another light in the house was extinguished.  He felt as if he were all alone in the world … as if no one existed outside of himself and Cochise … and somehow it felt right to be like that. He snuggled in next to the horse and left the steady rhythm of his breathing and was suddenly at peace with the world. The emptiness that he had been experiencing lifted and was replaced by a calmness and an acceptance of the way things were and were about to be.

As he looked through the open doorway at the sky he blinked a couple of times and then stared at the stars. ‘It’ll be OK now fellar,’ he whispered to the animal beside him. ‘We’ve had our time together and it’s time to let go.  It’s all right Cooch … I promise it’ll be all right.’  The horse beside him relaxed under his touch and they lay peacefully together as Joe’s mind drifted back over so many years of their friendship.

As the night wore on, Joe could see himself as the young boy who had ridden the horse with such excitement and such carefree abandonment, he saw the young man who had lavished such care and attention on the animal, he saw the man who had felt at one with the animal for so many years.  His hand traced a line down Cochise’s neck and he whispered softly to him. ‘We sure were great together boy … we had some good times didn’t we?’  The horse nuzzled against him lovingly.

He smiled as he thought of the time when Pa’s friend … he couldn’t remember his name … had tricked him into riding Cooch and then taken off with him back to the ranch.  He could still remember the throbbing in his feet when he’d finally made it back to the house again.  He’d actually punched the man once before Pa had stopped him.  He remembered the time when he’d fallen from the horse in the front yard and Pa had sat by his bed and told him the story of how he’d met his mother down in New Orleans … poor Pa … he’d been so worried about him that day.  He remembered with a smile how he used to let Cochise drink coffee from his hat even though his brothers used to laugh at him for doing so. He remembered back to so many times … so many little things that he and Cochise had shared together that only he could possibly remember … times that were now finished forever.  ‘Where did it all go boy?’ he whispered.  ‘Where have they all gone to?’ He continued the rhythmic stroking down Cochise’s neck.  ‘Thank you Coochie,’ he said. ‘Thank you for being there through it all for me. I love you.’

Three hours later Joe felt the horse’s breath go out of him for the last time and he smiled through his tears as he said his final farewell to his beloved Cochise and let go of him.  He lowered his head onto the animal’s neck and lay there quietly with his dead horse waiting for the dawn.

He knew that when it did come he would once again get up and go on with his life.  A life that would be different again as he forced himself forward one more time without another loved one in his life. Pa was right … life would go on as it always had … but his soul now carried one more scar. He wondered how many more hurts there were still ahead of him to bear and hoped that he would have the strength to be able to cope with them when they came to him.

The emptiness returned once more as he lay and watched the light around him strengthen as dawn approached. Even though he felt at peace about Cochise now he knew that the future without him was one that he would have to steel himself to face. He had learned to let go of one more dear love and life would be forever changed again because of it, but Cochise would always be with him and he would cherish the memory of him.  In his mind there would always be that young boy and his beloved horse and nothing could ever take that away from him.  He kissed the horse’s neck tenderly and patted him softly as he waited for the new day.

The End

Next Story in the Time to Let Go Series:

Time to Say Goodbye