June 1865

Dear Journal,

It happened again. Remind me to send Adam into town next time.

It all started with Joseph, yes, it started with Joseph again. How many times has that boy of mine gotten into some sort of trouble? He has managed to “buy” a Chinese slave and bring a very angry Chinese general right to our door, he robbed the bank, almost lost a very valuable gem and who knows what else he has done that I don’t know about? When will that boy learn?

Joseph went into town this morning to get the mail for me. A simple task, right? I mean, all he had to do was go get the mail from the postmaster, and come home. But no, not my youngest, instead he had to stop at the saloon and “wash the dust from his throat.” And of course, there was a game going on and this week’s pay was just burning a hole into his pocket.

Three hours after I sent him into town, I was about ready to go look for him for fear that he was in trouble. But than he walked in the door and what was the first thing that came out of his month?

“Hi Pa.”

No “I’m sorry, I forgot the time,” or “I got distracted.” Nope, none of that, just “Hi Pa,” with a huge smile on his face like he just became king of the world. Well, that smile quickly disappeared as I drilled out of him where he had been.

Apparently, after he had played the first game of poker, most of his friends left, but three newcomers came in. Joe was quick to assure me that they were strangers in town and they looked rich. He also informed me that two of them ran a sheep farm up near Placerville and the third was a businessman from the same town. It was sometime during the next two hours or so that Joseph proceeded to lose all his money and the brand-new rifle that he had just purchased.

I regret to say it, but I started telling Joseph quite loudly what I thought about his adventure in the Silver Dollar. Joe quickly came back with an excuse and before long I realized it, I had an argument and a riled-up boy on my hands.

I finally decided that we both needed time to calm down. I sent him out to help Hoss who was repairing fences that had gotten damaged over the Winter.

Maybe I could have handled it differently. Maybe I shouldn’t have yelled at him, maybe I should have stayed calm and explained to Joe why I was disappointed with him.

I just don’t know how to get through to him. I have tried everything less of taking him over my knee. At nineteen years of age, I hardly take that action, but there has been times when I have seriously considered it.

For the most part, Joe is a good son. He’s respectful, hardworking, dependable, honest, and kind. He is very loyal and nothing in the world can stop him if he thinks his family or friends are in trouble. But those times when he gets those ideas of his, those are the days when I don’t know what to do with him.

“Pa?”

Ben looked up from his journal to see Joe standing across the desk. His brown locks were covered in sweat and his green jacket had a mixture of dirt and grime on it, a testimony of the work he had been doing for the last couple of hours.

“Yes Joe?”

“I just wanted to say that I am sorry for what I did this morning. There is no excuse for being irresponsible like that.”

Ben studied his son for awhile. He didn’t look away, but stared right into his father’s eyes. It wasn’t a stare of defiance, but of shame, of determination to make things right with his father.

Ben studied his son, thought about the worry that he had been feeling only hours before. He knew that there were lots of dangers between here and town and his when his son didn’t show up at the appointed time, his imagination ran wild.

But Joe was still just a boy, one who was still growing and learning. And heavens knew that Ben had gone through the same stage when he was about Joe’s age back in Boston before he had left on the sea.

But he had never apologized.

The thought started him. He racked his memories; his father had been a hard man, stern and firm. But he had always demanded that his son go back and fix the things he had done wrong if he could, he had never demanded an apology.

But his son – one of his three pride and joys – was standing in front of him, ashamed and apologetic. It was that fact alone that quenched Ben’s anger and allowed him to let the love and pride shine from his eyes.

“I forgive you, son.”

Joe breathed a sigh of relief and bowed his head. “Thank you sir.”

Proud as he was, the parent in Ben couldn’t escape the small bit of warning. “This will not happen again, do you understand?”

“Yes sir.”

Ben’s lips curved in a small smile as he watched his son go back to his work. He went back to writing, his attitude no longer frustrated, but thoughtful.

Joseph just came and apologized to me for what happened this afternoon. I think that it is times like these that it pays off to be a father. A father of three wonderful sons.

Ben closed his journal and set it in his drawer just has Adam walked into the room. He eyed the drawer and raised his eyebrows at his father.

“Joe again?”

Ben smiled. “Nope, not Joe.” With that, he left the house leaving Adam inside with a puzzled frown decorating his face.

Yes, three wonderful sons.